#i forget everything and lose the will to write

[changbinlov3r]

The very first night | L.M.

Pairing: Lee Know x afab!reader

Summary: after a few months of dating Minho, you two finally have your very first night.

Genre: fluff, smut, friends to lovers

Words count: ± 3,200

THIS ONE AND ALL MY CONTENTS ARE +18, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!!

If you like my content don't forget to ✨reblog✨

Warnings: virgin!Minho, virgin!reader, very sloppy and eager sex, unprotected piv(wrap it before you tap it), fingering, oral(F receiving), biting(I think that's all)

A/N: I was reading this fic by @moonlinos and had this thought: "what would be like to have your first time with inexperienced bf Minho" and it came out like this 🥺 I'd like to tell @/moonlinos that I just found out about your blog and your writing is amazing, you're really an inspiration 🫶🏻

You met Minho on your first day of college, you were lost in the campus trying to find the orientation room when you bumped into someone, letting your books and bag fall to the floor.

It was your fault, you were looking around and didn't see the man coming in your direction. You apologized right away, more preoccupied with picking up your things rather than looking in his face but he didn't answer you, waiting for you to properly look him in the eyes.

To say that you two hit it off instantly when your eyes met his, it's an understatement. You even blinked a few times making sure you weren't dreaming. That guy was the prettiest man you have ever seen and it's not even an exaggeration. He was wearing a light pink sweater with a white dress shirt below, dark blue jeans and all stars. It was an outfit that would look average in anyone else but it looked like a masterpiece in him.

You didn't want to let him go so in the spur of the moment, you asked if he knew where to find the orientation for your major, just to find out he was also going there. After that day you two got closer like it was nothing, you were never good at making friends but it seemed so natural with him, like it just happened you didn't have to put a lot of effort into it.

You first realized your feelings for him when he told you he had a date coming up. You felt like throwing up and the ache on your chest just made the whole situation more excruciating.

You avoided him for a week after that, trying to convince yourself that you weren't in love with him or at least that you could pretend not to be in love with him.

When he showed up at your dorm in the middle of the night looking extremely tired, eye bags under his eyes and hair a mess, he inquired why you were being like that and you suddenly didn't want to pretend anymore. You decided in the split of a second that it was worth it to confess to him, so you did.

He blinked once, twice and for a third time, not letting out a single word, making you suddenly regret everything that you said to him. What if he wanted to end your friendship? You don't think you could handle losing him as your friend too.

But in an unexpected turn of events he stepped close to you, cupping your face with his hands and kissing you.

“I thought you didn't like me back”, he whispered after pulling away, breathless. “That's why I was trying to move on”

You felt relief wash all over you, so he liked you back it seems.

After months of dating, you still hadn't gone beyond kissing and some light touching. You always let things flow in your relationship, knowing that you two would give the next step when you were ready. And it was sooner than you expected.

The end of the semester had arrived, finals were finally over and you could take a deep breath. You and Minho would meet in the cafe in front of the college gates, grab some coffee and go back to his apartment to watch some movies and cuddle. His roommates would be out tonight partying to celebrate the end of the semester and the apartment would be just yours.

“Fried chicken or pizza?” He asks, scrolling on his phone while selecting something to order.

“Fried chicken?” You ask back, making him glare at you. He hates how indecisive you are so he always tries to give you few options.

“Ordered”, he tells you.

“I'm gonna take a shower”, you get up going to the bathroom.

Your bath is a bit longer than usual, you are not in a hurry today since you can stay up all night and sleep all day tomorrow but when you open your eyes there's a surprise in the wall next to you.

“Minho!” You yell, screaming like you just saw a ghost. You grab a towel and jump to the other side of the bathroom, watching as your boyfriend swings the door open, worry in his face.

When he looks at you and sees you are safe and sound, he scowls.

“What is it?” He rushes you, impatiently.

You point out in the bathroom, tears in your eyes.

“Did you make all this scandal because of a cockroach?” He asks, huffing but goes after it and kills it for you.

“You know I hate them”, you make a disgusted face. “They are gross”

He sighs, just now paying attention to you and noticing that you have only a towel covering you. You only remember that fact when his cheeks and ears turn pink and you look down, instantly covering your chest.

“Don't look!” You whine, hiding behind the door.

“Okay! Okay!” He puts his hands up in surrender, turning around and closing the door.

What follows after that is an awkward atmosphere, you are boyfriend and girlfriend but never have seen each other naked. You know it's something that is certain to happen but you never really discussed much about it.

You decide to address the issue when you are already on your second glass of soju. You look at him challengingly, narrowing your eyes.

“I think I should see you without a shirt since you have seen me too”, you tell him. It's not what you wanted to say, you wanted to ask if he ever thought about your first time but the moment you were going to say it you chickened out.

“I haven't seen you without a shirt though”, he says, “you were covered by a towel”

“But that's the equivalent of me being naked in front of you, so now you have to pay me back”, you roll out your words, trying to form a coherent sentence. You're not drunk enough to be doing that but you're definitely embarrassed enough to be doing that.

Minho sighs, knowing you won't drop it. So he puts his hands on the collar of his shirt, pulling it off, revealing his abs.

You can feel your cheeks burning, you have never seen him without a shirt and the only thing that comes to your mind to describe him is: tempting.

You gulped down, feeling a strange pool form in your panties, you can feel it getting soaked.

“I think now it's your time to pay me back”, he raises a brow, making you bite nervously on your bottom lip.

“I'm not wearing a bra”, you whisper, feeling your heart beat faster at each passing second.

“I wasn't either”, he jokes, making you punch him in the arm. When Minho doesn't look away, staring at you intensely, you realize he's being serious about that so you gather all the courage you have, grabbing the rem of your — well, it's actually his, shirt and pulling it off, letting it fall down to the ground as you become completely mesmerized by the look on his face.

Minho has his bottom lip stuck between his teeth, lust emanating out of him. You can see his chest rise and fall at a fast pace.

“Can… Can I touch you?” He asks, looking into your eyes desperately and you nod, watching as he comes closer, cupping your breasts with both of his hands. He's on his knees in front of you, kneading on the soft flesh of your chest. Minho pinches your nipple, groaning when you let a moan escape. He's sure it's the prettiest sound he has ever listened to.

He leans over you, taking your lips into his. The way he kisses you stays the same, calm and gentle. He trails wet kisses down your jaw, to your neck, seizing the opportunity to mark you with his teeth, something he loves to do and that's the closest he has ever been to your chest until today. He goes down tracing kisses till he's in front of your breasts, Minho kisses the hill between them and attaches his mouth to the right one, still massaging the left one, pinching the bud eventually because likes to hear you whimper and sigh.

Your hands go to his hair, pressing him against your chest. You have your eyes closed shut, probably an unflattering face of pure pleasure but you really don't care. Minho sucks at your other breast before going down, trailing wet kisses down your stomach.

You're embarrassed, no one has ever seen you so vulnerable like that and you really want to have him go down on you but you're a bit scared since your friends always talk about how guys find it a hassle to go down on girls. You know Minho is not an asshole, he won't want you to do the same to him if he can't pleasure you first.

“Can I?” He asks when he notices your hesitancy, his fingers are hooked at the waistband of your sweats, playing with the elastic while you decide if you'll let him continue.

“You don't have to feel obligated”, you bite on your bottom lip, not very sure on what to do next.

“I don't, I really want to do it”, he says, but seeing as you don't look like you believe him, he chuckles. “Chan said he really enjoys going down on his girlfriend, I wanted to try it since we started dating but didn't know how to ask”, you can see his ears turning a dark shade of red, making your heart beat faster.

You nod, feeling more nervous than before.

“Can we kiss a little bit more?” You ask and he nods frantically.

“We don't have to do anything tonight if you're not ready”, he says, hovering over you and kissing your neck.

“I'm ready”, you cup his face, making him look at you. “I'm just nervous”, you chuckle awkwardly.

“It's fine”, he gives you a peek on the lips. “Should we move to the bed?” He asks and you nod, getting up as Minho collects your things and his, following you to his bedroom.

It takes you half an hour of making out to grab Minho's hand and pull it down to your core, you lift the waistband of your sweats and panties so his hand can find your soaked pussy. He slides one of his fingers between your folds gathering your slick and pressing it on your clit.

“Is it good like this?” He asks, even though your face should give it in right away that he's pleasuring you.

“Yes, please don't stop”, you put your hands on his arms, digging your nails on his skin. Minho chuckles, doing what you asked but also adding another finger, making you open your eyes in an instant to stare at him with wide eyes. “Oh”, it's the only thing you can let out when you feel the knot forming on your lower stomach.

He kisses you, turning the experience into something much more deeper. By the way he kisses you, no longer the calm and gentle but now an eager and hungry kiss, you can feel how urgent he's feeling, how much he wants you and that's enough to make you come on his fingers.

You take a few deep breaths before opening your eyes just to witness your boyfriend putting his fingers into his mouth and licking them clean. You gulp, feeling a burn run through your body.

“Can I go down on you now?” He asks, eyeing you eagerly and you nod, still too dazed by your orgasm.

Minho doesn't lose time, moving to your bottom part and pulling off your pants and underwear with him. He looks at your pussy enamored, like you're the prettiest creature he has ever seen and that makes you embarrassed, moving your hands to cover yourself but your boyfriend shakes his head, preventing you from continuing.

“Don't cover yourself. You're so beautiful, I have no words to describe it”, he tells you, eyes so sincere you can't even tease him about lying.

You nod once more, laying down comfortably as he trails kisses up your legs. Minho kisses your ankles, then your calves. He follows the path to your knees, kissing the inside of each and then going to your thighs, doing the same thing. When he leans down on your core, you hold your breath, feeling his hitting on your skin. You have goosebumps all over your body when he kisses your clit, making you sigh and let go.

Minho licks a huge strip between your folds, gathering all the juice he can get on his tongue, enjoying your taste. You moan loudly, earning a glance from him, he was so concentrated by his own pleasure on feeling your pussy on his mouth that he forgot to check what was your reaction and he's glad to find that you're enjoying yourself, hands flying to his hair as you pull him more into your cunt. He keeps licking your clit, sucking and even biting just to make you shudder glaring at him. He chuckles every time, making the vibrations stimulate you even more.

Minho puts on a finger, testing the water to see how you react, he puts on another one when you look unbothered by just one, earning a reaction from you as you whine and moan. You can feel your second orgasm of the night being ripped out of you, as he intensifies his sucking on your clit and his fingers thrusting inside you.

You let out the louder couple of moans of the night, holding onto the sheets for dear life as you tremble and arch your back in pleasure. You're absolutely fucked out and have no idea how Minho can keep going, his hair is a mess and his lips are swollen, his face is covered on your juice from his mouth until his chin. When he kisses you again, you can feel your own taste on his tongue, making you groan.

You can feel his hardness pressing against your leg. He still has his pants on looking painfully tight.

“You wanna keep going?” He asks and you nod, biting on your lip. “I think Chan has some condoms stocked, I'm gonna take a look”, he starts moving out of the bed but you hold his wrist, pulling him back to you.

“I'm on the pill”, you bite on your bottom lip, “I’ve been taking it since we started dating”, you prop yourself up, leaning on your elbows as you kiss him, “wanna feel you”, you say, making his breath hitch and his face turns red.

He nods, blinking a few times before leaning over to kiss you once more. His body hovers over yours as he positions himself between your legs, his cock teasing your entrance carefully.

“If it hurts, tell me”, he checks with you for the last time and you nod. He starts pushing his cock inside you, your hands are holding him by the shoulders, digging your nails on him but he doesn't seem to mind.

He closes his eyes briefly, feeling your velvet walls squeezing him so much it's hard to keep going. Minho stops when he hears you sniff, opening his eyes just to find your eyes full of tears and trembling lips.

“Am I hurting you? You should say it if I am”, he scolds you gently, something only he can do.

“The first time is supposed to hurt”, you explain.

“But I can do something to make it hurt less if you tell me what you're feeling”, he kisses your forehead, having all the care to not move inside you.

“You're already making it so much more comfortable”, you smile, kissing his nose.

“Maybe you should be on top, that way you can have the control”, he tells you and you ponder for a minute, nodding.

He pulls out of you, making you whine to the sudden loss, making you feel empty. Minho chuckles, kissing you before laying down to watch you be the one to come on top of him.

You grab his cock, position it in your entrance and push it in. You're much more brave than him, Minho thinks, but also you're the one who knows how much pain you can handle so it's only right for you to have the control — at least on your first time.

You sink down on his cock slowly, making him grab the sheets rather than your hips, too afraid to put too much pressure on you and hurt you. Your face tells him you're in pain, but he knows there's not much he can do about it other than soothe you. So he caresses your back with one hand and your face with the other, sliding his hands to your breasts and kneading at them so you can at least relax a bit.

When you finally have all of him inside of you, you sigh, staying still for a couple of minutes. Minho feels like he can explode at any second, you're squeezing him like crazy but he doesn't want to hurry you so he waits for you to move.

You start grinding on him, rubbing your clit on his pelvic bone and trying to relax the most. After a while the pain is almost not perceptible and you start riding him at a fast pace.

“Fuck, you feel so good”, Minho says, finally grabbing at your hips to pull you down on him.

You can't really form coherent sentences, so the chant of “ah-ah-ah” followed by your kisses on him and you marking his chest is the biggest form of communication you can manage at the moment.

Minho thinks you're the prettiest person he has ever seen, he thought that the moment your eyes lock for the first time and he'll think that until you two are too old to remember what you ate the day before.

When he feels like he's about to cum, he warns you and you nod to let him know you understand but keeps sinking down on him even deeper. He paints your walls white while trembling, his bottom lip stuck between his bunny teeth as he holds your hips with such strength that you know it's gonna bruise. But you don't mind, not at all.

You didn't cum this time, it wasn't as painful as it could be but still painful enough to not edge you.

“I'm sorry you didn't finish”, he pouts as you pull out of him and snuggle yourself in his arms.

“You made me come twice”, you chuckle, making him smile before kissing the top of your head.

“But I wanted to do it a third time”, he huffs.

“We have all the time in the world”, you tell him, resting your chin on his chest as you watch him grin.

“Yes, now you're mine forever”, he giggles to your widened eyes.

“Should I be worried?” You ask and he shakes his head.

“You were already mine from the start, you just didn't know it yet”, he kisses you, pulling away just to stare at you for a few seconds. “I love you”, he confesses and you feel your cheeks burning.

“I love you”, you say, closing the distance between the two of you and kissing him again.

#skz #stray kids #stray kids scenarios #skz imagines #skz x reader #stray kids imagines #skz scenarios #skz smut #lee know x you #lee know fluff #lee know x y/n #lee know x reader #lee know scenarios #lee know smut #skz lee know #lee know skz #lee know imagines #skz x y/n #skz x you #stray kids x you

[justagalwhowrites]

What was lost...

Joel can't seem to shake you, even when he knows you're dead and gone. A canon Lavender one shot set in between chapters 8 and 9, a few months before Joel and Tommy arrive in Boston.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader from Lavender

Length: 2.3k

Warnings: Angst. This is pure angst, I'm sorry. Imagined canon-typical violence. Mention of sex. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ only.

A/N: I got this idea from an anonymous ask when I wrote about wanting to write Joel with a dead reader and they suggested writing Joel when he thought Doc was dead. SHE IS NOT REALLY DEAD, OK? Joel thinks she's dead. She's not dead. Doc is fine. She's in Boston calling QZs looking for Joel, working at the school and the clinic, and being codependent with Andrew. It's OK. I promise.

July 2008

I’ll always love you, Joel. Til the day I die.

Joel woke with a start. 

It was still dark, the moon full and high, and for half a glorious second, he thought it was you asleep against him. That the two of you were camping with Sarah and you would sense him in your sleep and reach back to put a hand at his waist and tug him closer.

He asked you once if you knew you did that, that when he woke and sat up in the night that you would reach for him until you found him and pull him back to you where he belonged, always with a little satisfied sigh. As though him being close was all you needed in the world, even when you were unconscious. 

You’d laughed when he asked, tucking your chin like you wanted to hide from it. 

“God, I’m sorry!” You said as you caught your breath. “I had no idea I did that! I promise, I won’t hunt you down in my sleep if you pull away from me…” 

Joel had laughed a little, too. 

“Don’t apologize,” he’d said. “Like it when you keep me in line.” 

“Good,” you smiled, teasing and sitting up a little straighter. “You’d better.” 

But it wasn’t you, of course. It hadn’t been you for five years. Five years to the goddamn day. 

Joel wished he’d lose track of the fucking date but he couldn’t seem to. Every time he seemed to get close, they’d have to do something like coordinate a raid on a FEDRA caravan and he’d be set back on track, his brain always keeping count. 

He wanted to forget his birthday the most. If there was any mercy left in the world, he’d have never seen another one after 36 but here he was, closing in on 41 and still marking time. 

He wished he could forget Sarah’s birthday, too. And yours. 

But, strangely, July 18 was the second hardest day for him. It was the last day the three of you were together. The last time he’d heard your voice right beside him, the last time he’d held you, the last time he had nuzzled into your hair and your skin and breathed in the lavender scent of you. 

The body next to him didn’t smell like lavender. She didn’t fit against his body like you did, either. She didn’t sound like you or taste like you or feel like you. But she was close and warm and wanted him and he’d given in. He almost always did. Because what they offered wasn’t sex, not really. It was a chance to forget, for a moment. If she looked like you, it was a chance to pretend, too. 

This one didn’t look much like you, though. He’d closed his eyes during because it didn’t seem to matter that you’d been dead for years, it still felt wrong to be with anyone besides you. It didn’t make much difference. She didn’t feel like you. He’d pulled out and finished with his hand, thinking about how you felt that day five years ago in the water. 

“Everything OK?” The woman beside him sounded groggy. 

He couldn’t remember her name. 

“Fine,” he said quietly. “Just takin’ over the watch. Go back to sleep.” 

She just shrugged and settled on the ground again as Joel worked his way through the woods, finding Tommy walking the perimeter of where they’d stopped for the night. 

“You got another two hours to sleep,” Tommy said, frowning in the moonlight. 

“I’m awake,” Joel said. “May as well take over.” 

Tommy gave him a look for a moment before he sighed. 

“S’long as you’re OK,” he said, clapping Joel on the shoulder. “Should be good for a while, just did a sweep.” 

Joel just gave him a nod and Tommy made his way back to camp as Joel settled into a notch in some roots, his back resting against the trunk of a tree. 

“She’s not me, you know.” 

Your voice was so close beside him it would have made him jump if it were any other sound. But it was you. 

He was used to this by now, the way you haunted him on days like this. 

He wasn’t sure why you’d hung on in ways Sarah hadn’t. Maybe because he knew what happened to her, knew where her body had gone cold.

He’d spent so much time trying to drown out that memory - to shove it away, suffocate it, anything to keep it from taking over - that he thought he might have pushed all of her aside with it. He didn’t hear her voice as often anymore, didn’t picture her there next to him either. 

You were another story. His mind seemed to enjoy torturing him when it came to you. He’d pictured your death so many times now, the imagined memory of it finding him in his sleep on so many nights. 

Tonight had been one of those nights. This time, you’d died at the hands of a man like him. You had your backpack on, the one Joel had told you to pack, and you were walking where he’d told you to go. He could see you so clearly, your hair in braids with ribbons on the ends and your cheeks with smears of dirt like you sometimes got when camping. You’d tried to beg for your pack because Joel had told you it was important and then you tried to beg for your life because he’d told you that was important, too. 

It hadn’t worked. 

You’d been in the man’s grip, his knife at your throat and your eyes found Joel’s and you said the same thing to him you always did before you died at the hands of whatever monster he’d left you to suffer: 

I’ll always love you, Joel. Til the day I die.

“Don’t expect her to be you,” Joel said quietly, refusing to look at the ghost beside him. He didn’t need to. He knew what you’d look like, down to the jeans you were wearing and how many buttons were done up on your shirt. You always came to him in the form you’d been in the last time he’d seen you, when you waved to him as you passed through airport security on your way back to New York five years ago today. 

“I wonder why you’re always let down then,” you sounded almost smug. It didn’t sound right on your voice. You were so rarely smug. He’d made you mean in death. 

“Does it matter?” He asked. 

“I guess not,” you said. “Just thought you’d have found something better to do by now. It’s been five years, Joel.” 

He turned to look at you then. You were sitting close enough to him that, if you were real, he would feel the heat of you there. 

But there was no warmth to be found in a ghost. 

“Know how long it’s been,” he said gruffly. 

“Well, you probably deserve to torture yourself a little,” you sighed, no longer looking at him and out at the forest instead. “It’s your fault I died the way I did, you know.” 

That’s how he knew it was all in his head. You’d never say that to him. 

Even if it was true. 

“I know.” 

He sat in silence for a few minutes, refusing to look at you, speak to you even though he sometimes wondered if falling into his delusions would be the best he could hope for in this life. Nothing else would measure up to you. He knew that. He would, for the rest of his life, regret not being beside you when the world ended. He would, for the rest of his life, compare every woman he ever met to you. He would, for the rest of his life, wish for something he could never have because he’d done nothing but fucking fail the only people in the world who mattered. Now, you were both out of reach.

“I miss you, you know,” you said eventually, quietly. “I missed you when I died, too.” 

Joel didn’t say anything. He just clenched his jaw. 

“I was alone,” you said. “I was scared. You know how I got panic attacks, imagine how bad it would have been then…” 

“Stop.” 

“How I would have looked for you…” 

“Stop it.” 

“How I would have been worried about you, even as they killed me I would have been worrying for you…” 

“SHUT UP!” 

He yelled it, finally looking at you again. But you weren’t what he expected. At least, not in how you were looking at him. 

So often when he pictured you now, when you spoke to him like this - when he was sleep deprived but couldn’t rest and was in desperate need of some kind of solace - there was an almost vicious look on your face. He didn’t think he’d ever seen you look like that when you were alive, it was an expression entirely of his mind’s invention. You had never been cruel or even really aggressive in life but he couldn’t think of you without it. It hurt too much to see you kind. 

But you looked earnest and sad now, so like the real you, like he was worthy of your pity for the first time in five years. It was like his heart beat for the first time since he’d held his daughter’s body.

“You never even looked for me, Joel,” you said softly. “I could have made it, you know.” 

He shook his head. 

“Don’t say that. Don’t put that thought in me, don’t…” 

“I could have. You can’t know, not really. Why did you give up on me? Why didn’t you come find me? Save me?” 

“How would you have lived?” He asked, meaning to sound angry but he couldn’t. “How would you have fucking made it through that? What was I supposed to find? What was I supposed to save?” 

You just shrugged. 

“If you really think I’m gone, why didn’t you join me? Join her?” 

He looked straight ahead. 

“I tried.” 

“You flinched.” 

He hung his head, clenched his jaw. Yes, he’d failed at that, too.

“Is this really how you’re going to spend your life, Joel?” You sounded like you. He could almost feel the gentle brush of your fingers on his neck. He still knew your touch so well, he still compared every woman he ever felt to that touch. “Hurting people and killing people and suffering yourself? Do you think this is what I would want for you?” 

He looked to the side, as far from you as he could without leaving you. 

“You could try something else,” you said after a moment. 

He looked back to you again. You were still so beautiful. Even dead, you were beautiful. 

“Try what?” He asked. “What other fuckin’ options do I have?” 

“You could go to a QZ,” you shrugged. “Try to be a person again. Have a life.” 

He scoffed.

“What’s the point?” 

“What’s the point of any of it?” You asked. “You flinched, Joel. There must be a reason for it. Do you really think you’re going to find it out here, like this? Become yourself again, become the man I loved so much that I begged him to stay, even when he told me I wasn’t worth staying for. I know you can.” 

Joel thought for a moment. 

What if you were right? What if there was still some kind of meaning to this fucked up world he was trapped in? It didn’t seem possible, not really. But you were impossible, too. You’d been impossible before the world ended and yet you’d existed. You had existed and you had chosen him. 

“You loved me once,” you said softly. 

“I still love you,” he said. “Always will.” 

“Then try. For me. OK?” 

You were looking at him, so full of hope and love that he couldn’t say no. He could never say no, not to you. 

He took a deep breath. 

“OK.” 

You smiled and you were beautiful, still so beautiful. 

“Thank you,” you said before you took a deep breath and turned your face toward the full moon like you were basking in the sun. “I think it’s time for me to go. But I’ll see you soon.” 

He huffed, cynical, looking in front of again.

“Sure you’ll be back when I’m too tired to think straight,” he said. 

“I’m sure I will,” he heard the smile in your voice. “But who knows? Maybe you won’t need me anymore, not once you find yourself again.” 

He looked at you, frowning. 

“What…” 

“Take care of yourself for me,” you leaned in so close, close enough that, if you were real, he would feel the brush of your lips on his and smell the lavender of your shampoo. “I’ll always love you, Joel. Til the day I die.” 

You were gone before he had a chance to respond, nothing but air and silence, the echo of a ghost in your wake. 

He sighed and leaned back against the tree, closing his eyes for a moment, trying to think. Maybe a QZ wasn’t a terrible idea. They’d heard some halfway decent things about Boston lately. If they started heading that way now, they could be there before the snow flies. 

And Boston, at least, was a new city. A place he’d never been, where there were no ghosts to haunt him. It was a good a place as any to try to become a person again. It was a good a place as any to try to move past you. 

Joel settled in to his watch, deciding to talk to Tommy in the morning. He’d be on board. He always was, when Joel made up his mind. 

And who knows, maybe he would find something in Boston worth flinching for. 

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #lavender #joel miller x oc #angst #lavenderversary

[yasmimkilleruwu]

your headcanons about toby? :D

Some hcs about Toby ^^

Connie, Lyra and Toby wore a matching lanyard, they each had one, but Toby ended up losing his and ended up without it, he actually looked everywhere but couldn't find it, after Lyra's death Toby's mother gave it to him Lyra's necklace for Toby, so he would always remember her and have her close by.

Under no circumstances touch Toby's cord.

He tried to take his own life several times, but Slenderman didn't allow him to do so, but Slenderman doesn't stop him from hurting himself.

Eyeless Jack helps Toby stop cutting himself, he knows how many and where each scar is, so when Toby gets a new cut, he tries to prevent Jack from touching it.

He lived in the mansion, but after a while he started living in a cabin with the Heartless and the X-Virus.

Toby goes days without sleeping, so X-Virus, Heartless, Kate and Eyeless Jack try to make him sleep more, because even though he doesn't have missions, he can't sleep.

Toby was a little homophobic because of his father's influence, but Lyra told him that he shouldn't listen to their father, as it was a bad thought, so he didn't care so much, but his father ended up contaminating it a little his head.

Because of Toby's father's influence, Toby suppressed his feelings for Eyeless Jack and ignored Eyeless Jack for a long time, only going to Eyeless Jack if he really had to, but that didn't last long.

After Toby's father's influence passed, Toby started to wear more extravagant clothes, but he only wears this type of clothes sometimes, he started to accept the clothing suggestions that Nina suggested for him. {Jack liked this change .}

He convinced Eyeless Jack to wear more extravagant and elegant clothes too, as he wanted Eyeless Jack to wear clothes that showed off his body more.

Also influenced by his father, Toby repressed all the feelings he had, his father scolded him when he was crying, saying he was weak and several other things.

Toby is the type of person who forgets everything he's supposed to do, but Eyeless Jack is almost always there to remind Toby of everything.

He gets distracted very easily, so Kate or Hoodie give him missions separately from the other proxies, so they can explain everything so he doesn't get distracted by others.

He used to bring hidden animals to the mansion, so he could have some kind of company, but he stopped when he saw that Slenderman killed them all.

He and the X-Virus are afraid of spiders, this fear got worse when the Heartless caught their attention saying that she had something to show, and when she opened her mouth a spider came out of her mouth.

He's very flexible, he does a lot of crazy poses and of course he doesn't mind as he doesn't feel pain.

It is very common for blood to come out of his nose, as he is almost always stressed.

Sometimes he hurt himself on purpose just to see Jack, because there was a time when he could only see Jack if he was hurt.

Toby's favorite birthday was when, in the afternoon, he had a big party thrown by his closest friends and in the evening Eyeless Jack made a big dinner for the two of them, he received several gifts that day.

He hates being called Ticci, he doesn't know himself or actually doesn't remember why, but he really hates being called that.

Toby is one of the most agile and fast proxies, he is very dangerous if you really irritate him.

He is demiromantic and pansexual. {He is also asexual, but he still feels sexual attraction, but very little.}

{I have several hcs about him, I already said some in another post I made talking about him and Eyeless Jack.}

{And I'm sorry for any writing errors.}

#ticci toby #eyeless jack #ticcijack #creepypasta

[thefringespod]

Happy #AudioDramaSunday wanderers! It is a beautiful day out but not in @camlannpod episode 8 which ripped me asunder. It really put me through the wringer and I will never forgive and never forget. Super well done!! But I am emotionally scarred <3

@souloperatorpod episode 9 early release had me sobbing into my pancake batter and made my pancake taste sad. Tot is doing a really really good job but also. Sad pancake.

@tellnotalespod 8.5 also made me sob this week. I've mentioned this before but the way Leanne writes queer people is just endlessly beautiful. Each character, no matter how small the role, lives and breathes and grieves even in death. I absolutely adore Tell No Tales

@woebegonepod 155 was delightful and not heartbreaking for once! Getting to see Chance and Marissa friendship AND hearing from Edgar AND another Ty Betteridge? Absolutely perfect no notes.

Just a reminder that @audistorium is amazing and also has a patreon (patreon.com/audistorium) so if you want to listen to a great show and support a great creator, you can do so there!

Here on the Fringes I have been receiving line reads (and bullying @taytayheyhey to send me his already instead of working on Forged Bonds) I also have been working on the transcript for the q+a which should be out soon!

And over at @forgedbondspod I have been losing my mind over people's line reads and trying to figure out the last 6 episodes. I know all the big things that need to happen! The little things are proving to be challenging but hopefully everything will be done this week!

If you like this show and want to support what we're doing here, you can visit patreon.com/PineTreePods and become a member today! I'm hoping to expand the content offered on patreon, so if you have ideas please send them my way

That's all for this week! I took a bit of time off to get my thoughts in order on things and am excited to get back into the swing of things this week!

#audiodrama sunday #audio drama sunday #pines notes #recommendation post

[manikas-whims]

Me in the shower: *plans the paragraphs, dialogues and words i'll write for my WIP as soon as i'm done bathing*

Me as soon as i get out:

#its all pikachu face and pikachu brain #i forget everything and lose the will to write #writerblr #writing memes #writer struggles #writing struggles #writer problems #writing problems #procrastination #writers of tumblr #writer's block #i'm a writer #writers be like #fanfics #fanfiction #ao3 #fanfic writers

[saeshiraw]

tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry

#tw rant #studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not #its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels #so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday #i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me #n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone #yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my #friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep #of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle #but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today #i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts #and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics #just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people #im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier #im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk #and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know #but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac #h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe #ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch #people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and #seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want #are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to #spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was #i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next #“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes #me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good #but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im #intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout #but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one? #the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone

[lonely--seeker]

I think I'm going insane. Lately my dreams have been so mundane, it wouldn't be weird if I wasn't just a person that has nightmares 80% of the time, so I now my dreams are so hard to distinguish from reality.

I wouldn't be able tell what was real from what not if it wasn't because last night I went to my doctor's appointment and I was handed new glasses by Harvey just to go back home and find out Laois was cooking something in my backyard.

#to be fair. in my dream i was back at my old house. so the horrors where there still #also i've been dreaming about my dog. but sometimes it's not him. it's other dog trying to replace him. but it's not him. i miss him dearly #but it's... weird. i never actually dream with characters either. something strange is going on #I've been telling my brother i wake up and i have to remember who i am #for the totally normal dreams. it's like my soul is divided and it's living somewhere else for the night #who is the person i am when i dream. because it's not me. it's a whole different live. whole different people around me. I'm going insane #there's such a strange feeling about it. it's familiar? it's comfortable? #which only makes it even more weird. why is a life so different to mine feel so comfortable... #to the point i wake up and i don't remember who i am for at least ten minutes #but then i forget what i had dreamt about. and then i go around my day randomly reminding things. then that's when i realize those memories #were actual dreams #i should write a fanfic about this lmao #it was a nice dream though. i remember vividly i was sitting in one of those chairs thingies that hang in the air? #and i was swinging happily. i think Laios was talking about where he got whatever the fuck he was cooking. i couldn't understand him really. #he wasn't speaking in spanish but it wasn't english either. i think it was a made up gibberish... I'm still baffled by how comfortable i was #i think there were friends around too. maybe a hangout was going on? everything was nice. it reminds me of the times #i would go eat at a friend's house. but things felt a lot nicer. it was like if time had stopped and nothing wrong could ever happen. #and even then. i was still there. which i think that's why i started to feel dizzy in my little swing. i ended up waking up from that. #i still get dizzy remembering it. #welp. I hope i don't lose myself tonight... #I don't actually know what's worse. the nightmares are common. they are familiar. there's comfort in knowing what to expect. #but “good” dreams like that... i end up thinking about them too much. the residual feeling is weirder #and i have to deal with the whole different layer that is.. there's was a fucking anime guy there. kill me. kill me. get him OUT of my brain #I'm not lying when I say I can physically feel Laios rearranging my brain in ways i will not share publicly #kill me.

[pokeology]

howdy prof. teak! i recently got an arctozolt (she's 5mo, adopted her from an archeologist who had helped her learn her manners before turning her over to me. her name is Tozu). was wondering if i'm meant to help her with her runny nose like one might with cubchoo? and what is the runny nose a result of? she's never exactly seemed to be running a fever, but i can't be sure and i haven't seen very many people owning arctozolts. tozu's very energetic and doesn't seem to be very bothered by her runny nose, and none of the pokemon at the pokeparks have gotten sick from her, so i'm a little confused. in short: should i worry about her runny nose, and what does it come from?

Arctozolt and the others from its set are very controversial as a majority of them have very, very poor quality of life. Luckily for you, artctozolt is the best one to own, as its only major concern is in movement.

Arctozolt's runny nose is likely similar to cubchoo's, in that both are related to their Ice typing- but unlike cubchoo, you will want to try and keep arctozolt's airway clear. It isn't at any risk of adverse health effects if you don't, but it does carry pathogens that can get you sick- just like any bodily fluid from any pokemon would.

It's currently unknown why it developed this way. I do not specialize in ancient pokemon, but revived ones do automatically fall under my jurisdiction- it's a complicated crossroads for me here, haha.

#//okay obviously the fossils are mixed up but using the pokedex as referece #because theyre recent i would not say that a professor that doesnt specialize in ancient pokemon would realize theyre fixed up wrong #everybody treats it like its obvious but these guys are NEW in universe. #logically i think only some researchers would say theyre not right and none of them would be in teak's specific field #THEREFOR. AS FAR AS HE'S CONCERNED. #they actually did just look like that #theres a misconception that scientists would know everything like this ^ but i would never ever expect a general biologist to know #shit about fossil IDs like this? teak dissects politoads and writes down shit he sees gengar do. he doesnt know. he didnt take classes #on it. #so if i get any mean asks ill lose my mind #LMAO sorry about the long tags i just know people forget that a professor that lives in this world cant just rip open the game data like us #teak doesnt even know if arceus exists for sure #arctozolt

[mythcaels]

gonna hold out my muses & offer small starter call. specify muse[s] pls ( or at least leave me some options ).

#⸻ ❛ 𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐦 𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐧𝐨𝐰 » ooc. #// i have muse so i wanna write some starters. also me: lost my old little call #// whoops im so bad at keeping up with stuff BUT I'LL WRITE EVERYTHING I GET ON THIS ONE I PROMISE #// forgive me for being forgetful as shit and losing shit

[manwithoutaspleen]

more transition rambling

as upset as i sometimes get about not passing, i still love what transitioning is doing for/to my body so much. like i never get sick of seeing how hairy i’m getting, i’m impatient for more facial hair and so excited to have stubble and one side burn (and i would love for both side burns to come in.) my chest hair has started coming in the past few weeks and THATS been a thrill.

every time i hear myself singing and actually like how i sound? every time i laugh weird and sound like my brother, who i love so much? every time i see a friend for the first time in awhile

it’s just, life has been so hard for like, a year and a half now, and while i do think i’m finally on the upswing, there’s a lot of new trauma to deal with. but one thing i’ve learned from all this is how to take care of myself so, so well. i can love and care for myself now in ways i never imagined being possible. and having a body that actually brings me joy makes that so much easier.

and like, it’s especially resonant to have a body that actually brings JOY when i’ve had chronic pain since i was 12. when this all started because i got a new disability. my body can do less and hurts more and i still love it more. its harder to care for, but i’m trying harder.

transitioning has saved my life in SO many ways i could not be more grateful that i finally did it

#separate ramble for the tags: #i deactivated my twitter for a day and realized i could just. not bring it back #and so i didnt! and while i will pop in occasionally so i dont lose it permanently and to check in w people and there and such #it is kinda nice. its also very weird #i also deleted the tumblr app #so i cant just like share every random thought i have with the internet #and i WANT to so badly i am so used to it lmao #but i think practicing being more intentional about what i share online and like breaking that habit of tweeting everything is good for me #even if its not permanent #but hell it might be! #i havent done a great job on breaking the scrolling habit bc i still have instagram for my sibling gc lmao #but reels are. way less engaging than twitter so. #reflecting on it though has made me realize like my memory is so bad and one reason i tweet so much is literally as a Record #but its like alright well maybe a Journal would be Better #and accepting that its ok to forget random thoughts i do not need to preserve every little idea i have #reflecting on internet habits on the internet is very online i admit #but i dont mind being online im just trying to find a way to do so that doesnt break my brain so bad #which is why this is on my mind rn bc like i do genuinely enjoy doing a little blog every so often lmao #might branch out and start actually blogging/writing about my interests too

[glacierbash]

💘 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦

for miss mlemzorryn :3

WOW. HI. SORRY THIS HAS TAKEN SO LONG. MY MOTIVATION HAS JUST LIKE. EXPLODED. i forgor how to write. even for miss mlemzorryn :< 💘 HEART WITH ARROW — what and/or who do(es) your oc consider the most important to them? That's hard. She views a lot of people as being so remarkably important to her. If I had to pick just one? It'd be Shadowheart, honestly. She was there for Kharae from the very beginning, always had faith in Kharae, trusted her even when Kharae didn't trust herself, and after that Dark Urge revelation, Shadowheart insisted Kharae would overcome. Even if Kharae loves Minthara and will return to the underdark with her, Shadowheart is perhaps Kharae's most important person. There is no end to the lengths Kharae would go to help Shadowheart if she asked, no matter the situation.

Q:👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 FAMILY WITH MOTHER, FATHER, SON AND DAUGHTER — how many people are in your oc's immediate family? how many people are in your oc's extended family? do they have aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc? who in their family are they closest with? are they close with their birth family, or do they have a found family? A: That's less hard. She has absolutely no connection with any of her blood relatives--seeing as how they were all wiped out, she couldn't connect with them at all. As for found family... The Tadfools, absolutely. Granted, no Gale, Wyll, Karlach or Halsin, but she views Shadowheart like a sister and Astarion is one of her closest friends, and she admires and wants to do everything she can to help out Lae'zel. Jaheira is like a mentor to her, and even though she doesn't end up knowing Minsc all that well, Minsc is still a positive figure she enjoys (and if Jaheira is happy that Minsc is okay, then Kharae is happy) She cannot imagine life without them, and assuming she survives at the end of the story, she would use her magic to keep in contact with them while she returns to the Underdark with Minthara.

#WOOPS. THIS TOOK A LIL WHILE. #BUT i just. kept thinking. and kept wanting to write. and then losing energy. #BUT MLEMZORRYN CONTENT. #she loves the tadfools. so much. they are her life and they keep her going #sometimes i forget. she is my durge. and she has killed in cold blood. (durge spoilers in the tags below this one) #thinking about how. the durge was implied to have struggled with the whole. *murder* thing. how they weren't a heartless monster #how they cared about gor/tash and were afraid of it. #i think. that has influenced kharae a lot. despite the trauma and abuse she went through be it before leading the cult or during it. #she still loves with her whole heart. she loves wholly and openly and with reckless abandon. if she loves somebody she will... #do everything she can with it. and yes that makes her easily manipulated. but also it makes her a rewarding person to befriend #terrible horrible bloodthirsty evil monster who has decided 'i will be a monster... for the good guys :]' #and will do everything she can to be better for the sake of the people she loves. i think that's who kharae is. #oc: kharae mlezzoryn #mlemzorryn :3

[goldkirk]

.

#the days are getting rarer now but sometimes like today I wake up and feel really really sick already #(and today I’ve got good workout pain too but it’s still pain lol) #but now it’s possible for me to get out of bed on days like today and #immediately go ‘what will make this have at least a higher chance of being not this bad?’ #and then I start piling up tiny habits #take pain meds instead of forgetting to use them #and take them now rather than when it’s bad enough you have to bribe yourself into walking to get them #pre-prep some food for Aoife before you lose your 12% energy you’re starting with #move your laptop near the bed and bring its charger so worst case scenario you can work from bed #put on extra warm clothes now early #get the braces and heat pads you might want out now before you need them so it’s less strain on your wrists to get them if you do need them #write a post it note of quick food options so you don’t have to think later just read and do #grab out the bowl and place it in this room so you don’t have to run for the toilet if you need to puke #start pounding water rather than drinking it #and pre make a Pedialyte dose so it chills in the fridge #grab treats and put them with the leash so Aoife’s pee breaks are as fast and smooth as possible #etc etc #and not everything helps every time but enough #of them stack up that it makes a big difference #and makes this only a 1-3 day thing rather than a week of never getting back to baseline #just one step at a time and do what you can to make it a little easier for future you #not better. better puts pressure. easier. easier is just being nice which feels warm and good on both sides #health #personal #shh katie

[noxtivagus]

i love life sm

#🌙.rambles #everything's so interesting #honestly i think that personally one of the things i just struggle with is accepting certain aspects of my humanity #the social aspect in particular. i'm confident in my creativity and confidence. my mind and heart #but whether it be family friends or wtvr or society in general. that part of life #is honestly a weakness of mine. i don't want to conform to 'norms' and restrain repress n forget n lose myself but #it gets lonely. i'm still young. i'm human. #but i'm continually learning more. n developing myself. growing #in time i hope. there's something specific on my mind lately that stands out. #hmmm in time. even if it'll be long from now. i hope i'll be able to accept and have that for myself as well #from the outside my world may seem kinda boring but idm. there are worlds i own in my head. i walk in places that do not exist #aaah... it really does get lonely #god sometimes it feels like there's several personalities in me. not exactly personalities but #there's this range of. different. idk. it's all still me but #hmmm. idk how to say it but moving onwards i really love everyone's individuality. #i do think that i am pretty strong in self-awareness. i definitely am still lacking in a lot of aspects but. i like how i acknowledge it al #this feels so nice rn. my mind's so clear #i'll write in my notes!!!!

[sanerontheinside]

☕️ tragedies

I will always be a tiny lost thing crying at the unfairness of an uncaring universe. Tragedies are a three course meal of fic potential. They are everything. Fixit gold. Time travel or reincarnation/do-overs. Canon divergence. Total au’s with other worlds and other rules.

There are such good tragedies, too. The ones where the story beats all point to this awful final moment and the end is satisfying, even if it breaks your heart. You can fix it! You can definitely… do … that. But part of you doesn’t want to, because the story works so well as it is. Those need serious au’s, a divergence a good long while back. Or some other delicate manipulation. (I really do have some things I find difficult to write fic for, because the story just works so well as it is.)

Tragedy is delicious, even as a spice. If it lurks in the background, you can set it against the story you are telling in the foreground, and make it all the more important that the ending is a happy one.

[send me ☕️ + [topic] and i’ll tell you my opinion on it!]

#but if you step outside of the framework of actually writing stories and instead consuming them #tragedies are sometimes lessons in what not to do and what misfortune not to court #and sometimes they are lessons in survival - how much are you willing to give to survive before you lose yourself #hold a person up to an unforgiving light and strip away every bit of hesitation #decisions good or bad or impulsive or stupid or simply unavoidably fated #some are lessons in that awful thing - the ‘you can do everything right and still lose it all in the end’ #those suck. BUT #if you really settle down to think about what you remember best from history #it’s not *really* the good parts #it’s those parts that leave you aching and wishing things had gone a different. better way #a dull kind of pain. a grief full of all the good things that never got a chance to happen #triumph is good it is always a wonderful thing to celebrate #but you had to triumph *over* something in the first place #and that something had a cost #this is the reason we say things like ‘never forget’ #I think despite that we do forget #there’s only so much you can carry with you #but that’s what the stories are for

[sifutoph]

need us to stop being a silly little guy for one second and acknowledge that t0ph is rude and it isn't some funny trait. it's a flaw. its a reaction, sure, because her whole life she'd needed to play the part of being the obedient little girl and her rudeness is a result of wanting to affirm her independence and probs as a legitimate way to exercise her confidence and/or to go about her establishing boundaries or things she didn't like, but it's still a huge flaw.

#listen. u mustn't forget that she lived the majority of her life practically spoiled #sheltered sure. miserable yeah. but she is still incredibly privileged #( which she does acknowledge and/or act it out sometimes ! ) #and that sort of privilege didn't rlly go away. u could say that she didn't gain things monetarily #but shes also VERY SKILLED at a VERY young age #that feeds a lot to her ego and mixes up with how much she feels like she needs to compensate for her parents' mistreatment #my girl quite literally does not have time to exercise humility #like. on one hand she EARNS everything she is confident about #but on another YES sometimes the way she expresses things shes frustrated about is downright RUDE #like. the rift is a great example bc my girl was a haaaaater when a.ang just wanted to do an air nomad tradition #lets also not forget that in the show k.atara brought up legitimate concerns abt her not ''stepping in'' when they were gonna camp #in both instances t0ph was just reacting badly because of her past and she didn't know how to VERBALISE LIKE A NORMAL PERSON #thats it. but she still comes off as incredibly rude #thats not cute; thats just rudeness. #and i like pointing this out because (A) i want my writing partners to be aware of this but also (B) for suuuure this can be #a point of tension somewhere down the road #cause i do feel like this will blow up right at her face esp as she slowly enters adulthood and realises her friends are Leaving #and i KNOW my girl is not gonna react well about 80% of the time #and i wonder how that'll tie in to that usual thread when u realised that the theme of breaking into womanhood is basically #realising u're losing the privilege of girlhood. this means: how much can ur mistakes truly be excused ? #at what point can ur anger and frustration stop being smth to coddle ? #you're no longer a novelty. now what ? #GREATEST: INTERPRETATION.

[welcometogrouchland]

We're so fucking back guys

#ramblings of a lunatic #back to usijg this app as my diary bc writing in my actual diary is hard and I don't do it. also i keep losing my pens :( #anyway i was having a category 5 moment about how I'm a bad person friend artist etc w/ no talent who'll leave no mark on the earth #anyway then i picked up a guitar and found a new chord progression and i think i fixed my brain #at least for the foreseeable future #I'd still love to skip class tomorrow in order to finish my essay but i think I've just decided to compromise #I'm gonna go to class. but my ass will not be taking notes #if they're gonna space all my assignments within a week of each other and not get back to me about my extension requests #then i am <3 simply not gonna do all the other stuff they want me to do <3 I've tried for years but i really am not a multitasking boy <3 #anyway. not doing so hot these past few weeks due to school and the state of things #and I don't have a lot of solutions for the everything rn #but y'know. I'm seeing a movie this week. and I'm gonna have an arcade battle as well. and I'm gonna do my best to enjoy those things #sometimes i forget the deep effects of my catholic education. The Guilt. and whatnot