#i feel out of energy to do anything

[fromdarzaitoleeza]

I have understood myself a little over the years

No matter what it is I will either keep trying until everything in me screams to stop or I will give up on it for good, there is nothing in between

#hope everyone here is doing well ❤️‍🩹 #i haven't been posting anything lately; everything is in pure chaos #i feel out of energy to do anything #i feel such a disappointment as a person sometimes

[ectonurites]

Byler Week Day 5 — Secret Identities

very loosely interpreting the prompt for today but i've had this idea for a while and... secret identities, Superheroes, that works. anyone who knows me well probably could have seen something like this coming LMAO

also trying to draw Robin & Superboy costumes that look thrown together and home-made when i have spent so much time drawing their actual designs was a challenge

#'sam this is 10 years after where canon is rn why do they look the same' because shhhhh #it had to be 1996 because that's when Worlds Finest Three: Superboy/Robin came out !!!!!!! #also yes specifically issue 59 of Wizard (cover date july 96 publication date may 96) is when WF3 got a mention/announcement #bylerweek2023 #Day 5 Secret Identities #byler #byler art #mike wheeler #will byers #stranger things #anyways listen timkon & byler are different ships in many ways however #i DO believe mike would carry tim's 'im gonna desperately try to clone him back to life 100 times' energy if #anything bad happened to will ever again #PLUS like. some theories ive seen about birthdaygate with like the idea of will getting slowly erased from people's memories........ #i don't want that to happen but IF IT DID. getting a detective comics 967 'he talked about a friend i should have.. someone named conner... #and i feel that name tugging on my heart but i don't know why' moment with mike about will........ oughghghghg #sam draws shit #<- almost forgot my damn art tag

[unexpectedbrickattack]

babpy.

#pizza tower #peppino #arts #mine #happy pride; heres a little otter for u #hes like very early 20s here #happy and unbothered before the Horrors happened #it is NOT his 30s bc he needs to exude raw dilf energy by that point #but for now he is anxious and sweet and awkward #not that i dont draw him like that already but its like 10x here #its PALPABLE #okay mwah i will hopefully come back w more than just sketches that mean nothing skjfsdjkfdhfhsk #i have LITERALLY been on this commission for WEEKS i need someone to take me out back and put me out of my misery i swear #im going to finish the lines TODAY like i cant be this person i cant keep coming back to this fucking comm w no progress ill simply Die #its like singlehandedly preventing me from doing anything else; its making a mental block waaaaaaaau #but i feel like i am breaking through it today. at least i HOPE i am sdkjfsdjkfjsdkf #um if u are still here ilu. send me some anons; i want to be chatty but the messages i have feel like i need to respond w essays #and i literally. cannot. #at least until i get my head screwed on properly again

[larapaulussen]

#gif #why do I have to spend every christmas and every birthday alone #for what am I being punished #I am a good person #and I don’t think this suffering has any sense #it’s just that in life the happy people have good things coming their way #and the sad people always just get more trauma #I know I could have a relationship if I didn’t have such a traumatic childhood #my trauma lets me reject the good guys and waste my time with the aholes #but i don’t know what to do about it #every nice guy I met absolutely wasn’t attractive to me #and we also didn’t have anything in common #so I’m not even regretting rejecting them cause it wouldn’t have worked out #and they deserve someone who actually fancies them #i just wonder why I never met a nice guy that I have common interests with #or who matched my preferences lookwise #it really feels like I’m simply not allowed to ever meet the right person #and gotten to the point where I swipe for hours have a lot of matches and then ghost everyone #as I just know it either will be someone nice but not attractive to me or an ahole #I just don’t have any energy left anymore #I just want to experience love so bad but can’t do these dates anymore #I’m so so tired

[lanshappycorner]

Malledu🐉♠️ doodles

#sebek is seething rn #u kno i think malledu would be objectively hilarious because deuce gets along well enough with sebek and silver #so if malledu real i think malleus would also be seething bc it feels like deuce gets along with his guards more than him sometimes💀 #also i think deuce is not the type that would quietly sit back and play spouse if he got married to malleus #i think he'd try to be a guard or do odd jobs around the castle #and since he is so Some Guy Energy most ppl dont even realize that hes malleus's fiance 💀 #workers in the palace whispering about how theyre thinking abt asking deuce out or smth #and sebek overhears and hes just like DO U WANT TO DIE ???? and silver is just 😐😬 (doesnt say anything) #deuce voice (casually) (oblivious): ah yes i am engaged to your king. anyways you said you wanted to have dinner together? #twisted wonderland #deuce spade #malleus draconia

[luck-of-the-drawings]

smth smth about 'the thing that the character did that you thought was rly rly funny in the moment is actually linked to a terrible trauma that lies within said character.' or wahtever.

#jrwi show #jrwi fanart #jrwi riptide #gillion tidestrider #made this within a short span of wahtever bc i gotta go up to the mountains for my stupid gay job tonight n im trying #nnot to frrRREAAAK THE FUCK OUUTTTTTTi dont wanna work but. get that bread we fuckin shall i guess #ONWARDS TO THE FISH TORMENT!! sometimes flowers feel pain when you trim them before their blossoming. atleast i imagine so #i used to draw gillion with loooong hair tied into a big ol braid. and then it was confirmed that he had short hair when he was little. #AT FIRST I WAS SAD. but then i realized the duality of. when they were little. gill had short hair. edyn had long hair. #AND NOW THEYRE OLDER. and gillion has long hair. and edyn has short hair #both mirroring eachother. looking up to eachother. subconsciously or not. they most certainly care. and most certainly miss eachother. #GILLION ALWAYS LOVED HOW LONG HAIR LOOKs. atleast i imagine so. he hasnt cut it since he left the undersea. sure he wanted to go back home #but even at the very start. he knew he was free in some way now. free to grow out his hair. an adventure would await him before he returns. #he knew it would be a while. so he cant let this go. he cant let this sought-after hair-length get cut away from him again #not yet. not yet. i like to think he loved music too. I SAW SOMETHING INTERESTING A BIT AGO #i see alot of ppl commenting on my baby gill comics like;'i wouldFIGHT this teacher i wanna KILL EM i want them DESTROYED #all very good and nice sentiments! i LOVE the energy here! and it would be nice. to have that catharsis #but the story of young tidestrider is not a story of catharsis. it is a story of agony and being so so small and so special and also so dum #and sucking so bad. and just being a kid and doing the things that a little kid does and so many tired tired people reacting badly to it #youre supposed to be the hero that will save us. our world hangs in the balance and you are the one who tips the scales. #YOU are supposed to SAVE US!! you NEED to SAVE US! CAN YOU PLEASE STOP SQUIRMING IN YOUR STUPID CHAIR!! #you'd think that young tidestrider ought to prevail. and be tucked someplace all safe and sound. #elders gone missing and rotting in a jail. their cultists nowhere around. but theres no happy endings. not here not now. #this tale is all sorrows n woes. you may dream that justice n peace win the day. but thats not how this story goes #BIG ideas for this lil baby gillion series. if anything i make ever gets disproven im killing myself in a well as to poison a water supply

[aroanthy]

i love how fraught and complicated discourse around various utena characters ‘dying’ is when anthy is literally stabbed to death eternally by a million swords imbued with human hatred. and then utena gets stabbed to death by them also. like. ‘death’ is incredibly interesting in rgu because most of the time it’s this ambiguous figurative thing that has interesting implications re: ohtori as a closed-off world one can escape. we are all trapped in our coffins. mamiya is the only named character with a grave. nemuro memorial hall functions as one all the same. ruka is implied to have died in the hospital— was he dead all along? who was the boy we saw for these two episodes? is this dead boy the same boy, or is this just another coincidence from the shadow girls, cutting like a knife? it’s heavily implied that akio and anthy murder kanae by poisoning her, adding to the previous implication that they were poisoning mr ohtori too, but there are no perceptible consequences of this. kanae’s absence is not felt. she’s fed an apple slice. what happens to the bodies? we know what happened to the 100 boys, but what about everyone else? and so on and so forth. ‘death’ is a tricky thing in utena, i think it’s constantly functioning on figurative and literal levels in very different ways for very different purposes. dios died. dios was dying. dios didn’t die. he grew up. etc etc

#what am i trying to say here? #idk! think about all of the pieces you have #dying is complicated in ohtori in countless different ways #and i find it boring to see so much ‘this character is dead and that’s it’ stuff #when death is used farrrrrrr more figuratively than some ppl give credit for #and i think the movie too does wonderful things with death #and what ‘dying’ really means #being disbelieved. being forgotten. being rejected. haunting despite this #much more interesting to think about wrt commentary on abusive relationships than it is #to think about what?? oh me when my brother died but plot twist he’s alive and can walk on this road all cool. like????? #akio doesn’t have the power to make himself revenant #he THINKS he does and he absolutely has power when he’s alive and he imbues that power with such meaning that it does live on after him #but ANTHY. anthy is the one struggling with herself and her feelings and the impact of trauma and abuse (that power!!) in aou #he’s dead? he died? she brought him back through her memories? or she’s left him (metaphorical death) and he’s haunting her?? #all such interesting interpretations #i haven’t mentioned touga bc i don’t have the energy today. if dead and just illusion of others memories then why active. why awful #like in aou akio is only Obviously scummy when he’s alive. his illusory self is based upon anthy’s love for him #if anime!touga is nothing more than nanami/whoever’s memories of him before he died……. why does he actively choose to suck again and again #like nanami wouldn’t do that. unless it was meant to be a subconscious thing like ooo he’s dead all along but that’s not what her arc is #it’s not ‘he’s been dead all along’ literally or figuratively. it’s ‘he’s unsafe and i don’t want him’ #sigh. once again i am asking people to think about nanami and touga’s dynamic through touga’s eyes #it’s so interesting to me how people forget to consider his motivations or feelings on ANYTHING #like sure his motivations and feelings are scummy but they’re interesting!!!!! they intrigue me!!!! #compel me even #anyway ignore how i said i didn’t have the energy for this and then typed it all out anyway #dais.txt

[gideonisms]

the Immediate switch from "this is bearable" to "I wanna kms" any time my boss switches up the schedule by an hour at random (happens weekly)

#i feel like i am using 100% of my energy surviving and it's been that way for years #i can't think of anything better to try for. my brain just doesn't do that most of the time #i just don't even know what it would feel like if things were better or what i want #i don't have that in me #friends and family are wondering why i can't move on or set goals or get better or seem happier. and i just. #everything has to come out of something else if i do the laundry it comes out of the energy i have to go out #if i go out i lose the energy i have to feel okay while i'm at work #if i watch a show or read it comes out of my do the dishes energy #if i try to message people on dating apps it comes out of my work social energy storage and i get weird #if i do job apps or my taxes it comes out of the emotional regulation energy and i get angry unexpectedly #i just can't find a way to have more energy i have tried everything and i'm still so tired

[tunaf1sk]

A fast little doodle of Blyndeffswap!Lorelai and Molly looking uncharacteristically happy - because this AU has been around for a year now! Thank you so much to everyone who’s been interested, all your nice comments and questions have always brought a smile to my face :D

#my doodles #epithet erased #lorelai blyndeff #Molly Blyndeff #blyndeffswap au #I really wanted to do something a bit more involved for today but this was all I had the energy to draw... #I feel kinda bad that it's been a whole year and I still don't have anything more substantial to show for this AU than character designs #But I just haven't had the time or energy to work on it due to a lot of different life factors #couple that with the fact that there's like 30 other things I also want to work on and it definitely ended up on the back burner #I might pick up the pace more once PoP comes out but we'll see!

[figofswords]

the post grad why did i get an art degree what am i even doing what do i want in life where am i going crisis has finally hit i want to. lie down in the dirt. or something

#WHAT AM I DOING!!!! #i get up i go to my stupid retail job i stick labels on bags they pay me fucking thirteen bucks an hour i come home i lie on the couch #too tired to draw in too much pain to go anywhere no energy to reach out to college friends to do anything fun #no idea where the even start with getting an industry job no clue what i even WANT at this point #trying to remember what i loved so much about comics i want it BACK i HATE this #WHAT IS THE POINT!!!! WHAT DO I WANT WHERE AM I GOING!!! WHAT COMES NEXT!!!!!! #there's no clear career trajectory i can't do freelance i need structure i can't work too much i need free time #my brain doesn't work every job requires me to move across the country the irs just took fucking three hundred stupid dollars from me #my friends live in different states i can't get a job without experience i can't get experience without a job #i can't work on my portfolio with no energy and no time and i dont have any money and everything is so expensive all the time #i can't get anywhere bc i dont drive and im too stressed to think about taking driving lessons again #and WHAT DO I WANT! #THE MOST INTERESTING THING I DO EVERY WEEK IS GO TO PHYSICAL THERAPY! #I AM EXCITED EVERY WEEK FOR PHYSICAL THERAPY!!!! WHY!!!!!!!! #anyway WHATEVER i need to go to bed #delete later #i got into spx. today. so. had to have a crisis about how i felt when i attended spx (energized. excited. a part of something. ambitious) #versus how i feel now (tired. unmotivated. kind of apathetic about art. disconnected) #i dont miss the stress of school but i miss being around other artists. ppl who speak your language and who want the same things you want #ppl who are excited abut art and that makes YOU excited about art. ppl who get you #i miss that i want that back #whatever. its 1am i gotta go shower i have an 8.5 hour shift tomorrow. wahoo. $13.50/hr lets go

[nitroish]

i am exhausted. he fell into one of those bodies of water that exist on the surface in sky's era

#linkeduniverse #lu legend #2023 art tag #been holdin onto this but i decided nothing matters anymore so im doing whatever #i am tired and in the midst of another mental health spiral . getting out of bed is the worst thing ive ever had to do anymore #im rarely excited for anything anymore. im too tired to get out of bed to draw and it rly just exhausts me to be stuck cos i want to draw #but the second i sit up it feels like ive used all my energy and i just lay back down #anyway sorry i hope youre all well

[autistic-katara]

me: dude im not even feeling that tired rn and haven’t for ages oh no oh fuck im probably accidentally faking my disability-

my chronic fatigue, loading ammunition into a massive fucking cannon: damn really bro?

#been so tired these past like 2 days #like not regular gotta lie down tired nah #like i don’t have the energy to do basically anything tired #and again i don’t mean like idk i can’t wash the dishes cause idk i’m sleepy or whatever #i mean like i physically can’t do or say like double the amount i normally can’t #like i’ll know how to do smthn or what to say clearly in my head but i just don’t have the energy to get it out if that makes sense #and that’s not like all of it but it’s one of the worst parts (at least rn) #like i feel like i’m actually going insane cause of this it’s just rlly weird #idek i am also like i gotta lie down most of the day tired #but it’s not that strong idk #this is turning into kinda a vent idk #but it’s fine to rb the actual post is fine #chronically ill #chronic fatigue #disabled

[simgerale]

me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game

#hi everyone #I’m going around hugging you all #okay now that we are gathered here today #i will simply acknowledge that i have been gone for a very long time and then also acknowledge that maybe it was for the best #i relied on sims to be my only creative activity even if i tried to write a book at the same time #and also. i prioritized sims over real life responsibilities. that’s just a deadly combination lol #but I recently noticed I just replaced sims with Netflix. with YouTube. with anything that gave me quick dopamine #literally became addicted in a sense. still am but I’ve been cut cold turkey from most everything #I get off work and go. okay I’ve done the dishes and the laundry……..I could read or write or bake…. #I try to write and sometimes i get a good hour #then I read for a few hours and then get tired of it #and I made cookies Tuesday so I’m waiting for those to be gone before baking again #I’m just so pitiful that I feel BORED and don’t know what to do #so I said….. okay what if I do sims for an hour. #I downloaded some new cc Tuesday and tried to play yesterday #y’all ……………….. I can’t find the energy anymore to set up elaborate scenes and pose my sims and plan posts #I said wow… this is boring without my intervention and fake story #I said wow…….. all this for what? for tumblr? yes I created cool things and provided joy. but is that inherintly important compared to my #own joy? my own everyday activities I should be doing? #y’all I do not leave the house unless we got out to eat or shop or travel to our parents #.. I have little desire to. I’m trying to find that desire #but my husband is busy with grad school and work and I don’t want to do anything by myself #I’ve found myself in one heck of a slump #I didn’t want to be human for awhile. just had no desires no interests no ambitions #I was slacking off SO HARD at work. I just had no drive to do well #I’m still working on it. I’m still trying to get caught up. I’m still trying to force myself to move every day. #but I am struggling y’all. and I can tell you that sims… sims isn’t helping rn but I want it to so bad. I want to get back into it #I didn’t mean to disappear on everyone. I got married and then life got busy and then I fell into this hole of nothing #I didn’t even WANT to crawl my way out. but my husband has helped a lot. I feel like such a child!!!! #I reached max tags. 🙃 bye love you all. till next time

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

shoutout to those nights where the brain says We Literally Cant Do Anything Even Though We Really Want To <3

#brain: we want to do something! #okay! awesome! lets- #brain: NO DO!! only want #cant scribble. cant write. cant read #and so i sit here alternating between staring at several different screens & also the wall #idk if its brain fog or what #it feels like im in waiting mode.... #what am i waiting for!!! i would like to know!!! #absolutely unprompted #stg im gonna end up rewatching good omens while grinding for pier fish on acnh #angry at myself for not doing Literally Anything Else!! #i cant even think about my blorbos bc nothing coherent is going on upstairs #its just vague feelings and images and AUGGGH #i hate nights like this!! can i unsubscribe!!! can i opt out!!! #there are several Important Things i need to get done!! why cant i do them!!! #i wish i had some sort of large fruit i could split open and devour To Cope w this smhhhhh #at least then id be doin something... #for once i have the energy but i cant funnel it into anything. sigh

[lottieurl]

i'm well aware there are single parents out there working full time but i think working full time and living alone with my dog is about to put me in a psychward

#why cant i handle what other people seem to handle effortlessly lmao #im so fucking exhausted and burnt-out i need demonic possession to save me or smth #like please @ random demon you will do a better job for sure #idk its like. my dog is now spending so much time alone when im at home that i feel really guilty #if i wanna go out or do anything that doesnt involve her #i have no damn time and energy #i might spend half a free day cleaning but its all a mess anyway #and then i will come back home like today just exhausted after 5 days of work in a row #and i just wanna take her for a walk and get myself smth to eat and chill a little #and i find! is poop all over the damn floor i finally managed to wash like a day ago #and it stinks so fucking bad i nearly throw up cleaning up #and then have a breakdown in the bathroom. as you do. #HOW DO PEOPLE LIVE LIKE THIS I AM SO FUCKING EXHAUSTED #its also not fair to my dog idk this sucks so much #i doubt anyone read all this bht if you did hi and sorry #needed to vent unfortunately #wah im TIRED

[strangesickness]

losers playing ttrpgs... losers playing ttrpgs save me...

mike is running a multi-year homebrew ttrpg campaign that is basically just a combination of any rulebook the losers can get their hands on + anything they come up with. i know it to be true. the campaign started as a call of cuthulu campaign but it is now a terrifying mix of call of cuthulu, dungeons & dragons, and cyberpunk with elements from a dozen other games including star wars: the roleplaying game, warhammer, harnmaster and somehow alma mater(??? idk how. but i know this happened). richie was like. "mike man, i love you forever, you're great at this. but why don't i have magic powers?" and he pointed at ben's collection of d&d rulebooks he'd been browsing through and he sounded so earnest and excited that mike knew in that moment he was going to sacrifice the integrity of his cool mystery campaign so richie could cast vicious mockery (99% sure vicious mockery didn't exist yet... don't quote me on that but it doesn't matter because the idea of richie using it constantly is hilarious)

they've all been playing the same characters for years and they keep convincing mike to add more stuff so they're all like super powerful and mike keeps having to come up with more and more powerful enemies.

mike's dice collection is so so so cool he has so many dice, and whenever he introduces a new important character he goes out and gets dice that fit their theme and it is such a moneysink but it's worth it because ooooh pretty dice

after four occasions where the losers decided to adopt a random npc mike hadn't planned anything for, mike has started planning every single npc out down to the specifics of their childhood education. he has endless character sheets hanging out in his room with characters he's created that populate his game world.

okay hanbrough agenda time: bill is the most oblivious guy in the entire world. i know this. (he is the guy who looks at brokeback mountain and goes "what do you mean it was gay? why can't men be friends anymore?" this is based on that one passage at the beginning of the book where he goes on one of those "why can't the curtains just be blue because they're fucking blue" rants lol. he does not know what media literacy is. to me) and mike is. increasingly frustrated and feels like he's losing his mind. he is like head in hands because he asked bill to go to prom with him and bill was like "yeah sure man! sounds great, you're my bestie forever!", and he has no idea what to do, because how is this man this dense, so he just starts having all of his NPCs fall head over heels for bill's character and flirt like madmen. it is painful for everyone involved. except bill. who still has no idea what is going on. that is a very unfortunate month.

mike and ben hang out a lot and ben helps mike brainstorm for the campaign so ben has all this insider knowledge and mike will just look at him before something insane happens in the campaign. they'll like make eye contact and ben will be like holy shit holy shit holy shit :0 and mike just drops some insane new lore. it's very special to me.

#i know it might be like. why isn't ben or bill GM? they're the writers! #but like. idk it just fits. watching mike in it chapter 2 gave me so much unhinged GM energy #that man can spin a TALE. i know it. i also know he can improvise like crazy #they finish a session and he's like. btw guys everything after like the first hour was improvised i hope it didn't feel to awkward #and the losers are like... wdym you didn't perfectly plan all of that????? #bill could not run a campaign to save his life. he does not know what chekhov's gun is. he does not know what nuance is. #he would be trying to run a campaign and the losers would do ANYTHING even slightly off the hyperspecific plan he made #and he'd start trying to railroad everyone and everyones just getting increasingly stressed #basically it would be a bad time #that man can't do improv i know it in my heart #ben on the other hand is a massive ttrpg nerd and has run multiple one shots with the losers #he's not big into long campaigns like mike is but he loves coming up with new campaign ideas #he also collects ttrpg rulebooks and is always looking for weird ones to try out with his friends <3 #they all have so much fun doing character creation with ben too. it's great. #i'm not done with this btw. i have so much more to say #i love ttrpgs and a party is the highest level of friendship. this is true #my high school best friends were literally just my d&d party #and cyberpunk (the ttrpg) is how i made friends in college lol #posts afflicted with a strange sickness #it stephen king #it 2019 #it 2017 #mike hanlon #bill denbrough #ben hanscom #hanbrough #richie tozier