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snowyquokka · 14 days

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jeongin x fem reader

cw: angst (😈), breakup, kissing, swearing, mutual pining, mentions of cheating, kinda toxic/asshole seungmin (FORGIVE ME), not proof read bc why tf would i do that (im too lazy so my apologies if some of it doesn’t make sense lmfao-)

wc: 3.1k

a.n - so this is not how it was originally supposed to be 😭 it started as a seungmin fic but spiraled into whatever monstrosity this is lmao. everyone thank @solisyeah for the request ily. anywho i hope it’s good <3

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Seungmin furrows his brows as he inspects the photo on his screen. A photo of you with another guy, in his lap with your face nuzzled into the crook of his neck.

Just like you do with Seungmin.

On the very couch he’s sitting on.

At first he thought it was edited, because there’s no way you’d cheat on him, right? But as he took a closer look he just knew it was real.

He was tired, sore, and downright miserable from a rough day at the studio; he had to take way too many breaks for his liking and this picture was just the thing he needed to send him right off the deep end.

He shot up from his spot on the couch so fast it made his head spin, but that didn’t deter him from storming into your bedroom where you were sitting on the bed, aimlessly scrolling through your phone. Once you see his face you can automatically sense something’s wrong.

“Seung?” You tilt your head as you watch him take your apartment key off of his key ring before placing it on your dresser with a clink.

“Seungmin what are you doing?” You jump off of your bed as he slides his shoes on. He runs his fingers through his hair with a frustrated huff.

“I don’t- I think we just need a break. I need a break.” These words were the last thing you imagined to ever come out of his mouth, in this context especially. Or lack there of.

“Wha- why?” Your eyes glaze over with unshed tears that threaten to spill at any given moment. You don’t want to cry in front of him, you’ve always hated having your raw emotions on display like that, especially in such a powerless situation. “Seungmin, talk to me. What the fuck is going on?”

“Don’t play dumb with me. I’m not stupid.” Seungmin shakes his head “Did you really think you could hide it from me?”

“Hide what, Seungmin?”

“You should’ve just fucking left me. Spared my feelings, maybe. But I guess you’re just too selfish for that.”

Without another word he rushes out of the room, leaving you in shambles with nothing else to do but slide to the floor, curl into yourself and let the sobs take over your body.

Seungmin can hear you crying before he even walks out of the front door, causing his heart to clench in his chest and his gut to twist. Standing with his hand just brushing the door handle, he has to physically force himself to press on, to let you go, to accept his reality. The door slams shut behind him and the noise only pushes you further towards the realization that this is actually happening. You aren’t hallucinating, this isn’t some fucked up fever dream or an even more fucked up prank.

You just wish you knew why. No matter how much you try to put the pieces together, you’re always missing something. You can’t think of anything that could’ve set him off. Everything was perfectly normal less than an hour ago, yet all it took was five minutes to trigger the downward spiral of what feels like the end of the world- the end of your world.

“What’re you doing back here?” Jeongin slides next to Seungmin - who is still eyeing up the picture on his screen - on the floor. Jeongin nods towards the phone, “What’s that?”

Seungmin huffs and leans his head against the wall behind him, “I honestly don’t fucking know, I don’t even really want to know, actually.”

Jeongin reaches for the phone, pulling it out of Seungmin’s grasp. His lips part in a silent ‘oh’ as he inspects the photo. He’s assuming Seungmin hadn’t even given you a chance to explain solely based on his reaction, in typical Seungmin fashion. Jeongin turns his body to face the other, his face set in an almost disappointed expression.

“I’m going to say this with the utmost respect and I need you to not cause me any bodily harm-” Jeongin sighs before continuing, “You’re a dumbass. Like the dumbest dumbass I think I’ve ever seen. Like paboracha level dumbass. I’m talking-”

“Are you done?” Seungmin groans and squeezes his eyes shut.

“Are you done? God- you just fucked yourself over. If I were you I’d start praying that she’ll still take you back after all this crazy shit.”

“How did I fuck myself oven when she’s the one cheating? Or am I supposed to just forget about that and take the blame for it all like usual? She brought another guy into the same place I spend almost all my time at, and probably fucked hi-” Jeongin slaps his hand over Seungmin’s mouth, effectively silencing him before he could carry on with his bullshit.

“Hyung. Shut up.” The maknae slowly pulls his hand away as Seungmin’s eyebrows shoot upward. “Look I get it, you’re tired, you’re upset, you’re angry bu-”

“Can you fucking blame me? I can’t unsee it. I mean, you see how comfortable she looked with him.” he clenches his fists.

“Will you keep your mouth closed already? You’re killing me here, got a massive migraine now.” Jeongin groans and rubs his temples as he speaks “That picture was taken over a year ago. Before you even knew she existed, hyung. Besides, I know her better than anyone ever will, other than you obviously, which is why I suggest that you get your ass up and go apologize for being such a dumb fuck. Beg for her forgiveness if you gotta. Maybe get on your knees while you’re at it.” he sighs and stands, holding his hand out to Seungmin before pulling him up.

“How do you know she isn’t lying to you? How do you know she isn’t lying about anything else?” Seungmin finally says.

“Because she loves you too much to do that to you. God, have you always been this dense? You seriously need to wake up and realize how stupid you sound.” Jeongin mocks, prompting Seungmin to glare at him one last time before walking out of the studio. All the while unbeknownst to the younger standing with a frown threatening to pull at the corners of his mouth.

“He’s a fucking idiot if he let’s her go over this,” he mutters begrudgingly while he listens to the soft pur of Seungmin’s car in the distance.

Almost a week later you’re still waking up with puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks. The first thing you notice is Seungmin’s apartment key still sitting on the dresser untouched. Well, it used to be his. You were really hoping that it was all just a shitty nightmare and that you’d still be tucked in his side with his soft snores being the only sound to fill the room even though it’s days.

You realize what had stirred you awake as another knock fills the almost suffocating silence. You’re half tempted to just ignore it, but something in your gut tells you to answer it.

“Oh, uhm- hi Innie.” you wipe your eyes with the sleeve of your hoodie. Or Seungmins hoodie, rather.

God you need to pull yourself together. How could you not even realize what you were wearing. Fuck.

“Hey,” Jeongin rocks back on his heels somewhat awkwardly, “Can I come in?”

You nod and mumble a soft ‘of course‘ as you move out of the way for him to slip past the threshold and into your apartment while you take a moment to collect yourself, and to put on the most convincing smile you can possibly muster.

“What’s up?” you find a spot on the couch next to him as he scans the room for a second, looking for any signs of whether or not Seungmin actually showed.

“He’s not here, is he?” Jeongin turns to you with sympathetic eyes, finding your own longing for comfort, seemingly pleading him for some sort of consolation.

“N-no but he’ll probably be back so-”

“He’s not coming back, y/n. If he was, it would’ve been days ago.”

Before you can open your mouth to protest, Jeongin has you pulled into his strong chest and tucks your head under his chin gently. “It’s okay, baby. I got you.” he sighs, rubbing small and slow circles on your back just the way he knows you like. He places a small, chaste kiss on the top of your head because he’s learned over the years that the action relaxes you and makes you feel secure.

Jeongin knows you like the back of his hand. Sometimes he thinks he knows you better than he knows himself. He knows your favorite food, your favorite season, your favorite movie. He knows how much you love to read, having periodically skimmed your shelves for books you may have and promptly buying you ones that you haven’t already buried your nose in.

Most importantly, he knows exactly what to say in order to subside your bad moods (he’s well seasoned in this field), and that sometimes you say things you don’t mean yet he never - and will never - hold that against you.

He knows just how much you loved Seungmin, not even wanting to imagine the amount of absolute heartbreak you’re feeling. Despite all this, he can’t help but feel somewhat relieved. You and Seungmin undoubtedly wouldn’t have worked in the long run and that’s exactly what you desire and deserve: a stable, long term relationship where you’d be taken care of and treated like the absolute goddess that Jeongin thinks you are.

He just wishes you give him a chance to treat you like his- more so than he already does now.

“Thank you, In,” you mumble into his chest.

“You don’t need thank me, baby. You know I’m always here.”

You did know that, you’ve always known that. Jeongin doesn’t let you doubt how much he cares for you, he’ll spend every waking moment reminding you if he has to.

You pull back slightly to look into his eyes. “I always end up burdening you with my problems.” Jeongin’s eyes soften at your apology and all he wants to do is hug and kiss and cuddle you until he thinks he’s convinced you enough of his adoration.

But for now all he can do is settle for words, though he can’t help but think it won’t be enough.

“Baby, please don’t be sorry for that. What kind of best friend would I be if I never listened to your complaints or rants?” Calling himself your best friend took more out of him than it should have and he tries to hide his hesitation. Thankfully you hadn’t noticed.

Hearing Jeongin say this makes you realize that he’s treated you better than any boyfriend you’ve ever had. Seungmin never reassured you like Jeongin does. Actually, now that you think about it, Seungmin didn’t do half of the things Jeongin does, even if it was the bare minimum.

He’s always like this, but why does it feel different now?

That’s just his personality, right? There isn’t any hidden meaning behind his words or gestures. Or the way he’s holding you and speaking to you like you’re the most precious thing he’s ever had contact with. The sudden urge to reach out and cup his face is unreal. You just want to make sure you aren’t hallucinating. You wonder how you managed to find such a perfect person who thinks the world of you just as much as you do them. Someone who loves you just as deeply and truly as you do.

Wait what?

You’ve singlehandedly scared and confused yourself all at once now. Obviously you love him and he does you, but it feels as though you love him in a different way. A special way, one that you don’t think you’ve ever felt for anyone. Not even Seungmin, who you once thought was hands down your soulmate.

What you failed to realize, however, was that your soulmate has been here the whole time, and he’s holding you in his arms like he never wants to let you go.

You cut off your train of thought because he doesn’t want you like that and you’re making assumptions that could get you hurt.

Too late.

Another wave of sadness that has nothing to do with what upset you earlier washes over you.

“Baby? Hey, where’d you go?” Baby. Fucking baby. He’s got to stop calling you that. You want to tell him to stop, so why can’t you open your mouth and form those simple words.

“Mhm, ’m okay.” You can’t even bring yourself to put the tiniest bit of distance between your bodies.

You mentally scream at yourself for sounding so noticeably pathetic. He must think you are how could he not when you’re making it so painfully obvious.

“Don’t hide from me, baby. You know you don’t need to hide anything from me.” How ironic.

“I’m not- I just-” you huff and lean your forehead against Jeongin’s chest. God, when did he get so…buff? Has he always been like this?

He pulls your head back to force your gaze to meet his. “What did I tell you, hm? Talk to me baby. I’m all ears.” His arms encircling your body is the last straw before the world comes crashing down on you.

Tears flood your vision and you aren’t even sure as to why you’re crying this time.

Pathetic and dramatic. Great.

Jeongin immediately thinks he’s overstepped now, he took it too far and made you uncomfortable. He removes his hands from you immediately though the action kills him inside, when in reality you want the exact opposite. You want him to pull you closer, you want your chest flush against his to the point where you can feel his heart beating.

“I’m sorry, Innie. I’m sorry.” You finally climb out of his grasp and step away from him. He follows you and with every step he takes forward you move backward until you collide with the wall.

“Why are you sorry when you didn’t do anything wrong? I don’t want you apologizing to me for no reason. If anyone should be apologizing it’s Seungmin, but it’s his fault and his loss, you know that.” You wish Jeongin would stop being so supportive, it’s making it ten times harder to ignore your surfacing issues.

“That’s not the problem, Jeongin.”

Since when did you call him by his full name?

“Then what is it? Is it me? Please I- I just want to help you.”

Your tears have finally halted and you couldn’t be more thankful. You need to be able to properly look into his eyes.

“You can’t help me.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do.”

“Why are you being so difficult all of a sudden?”

“I’m not.” You cross your arms over your chest.

Jeongin blows out a frustrated huff. “Why can’t you tell me? Is it because Seungmin and I are friends becau-”

“I love you.”

“I know you do, which exactly is why you should be talking to me right now instead of bottling it all up-”

“No, Jeongin. I love you. Not in a friend way, not in a platonic way. I want to kiss you and hold you and-” You’ve worked yourself up so much you have cut yourself off in order to calm down.

Jeongin’s mouth stays agape for a solid five seconds before he even processes what you’ve said. “You love me?”

“Is that not what I just said?” Jeongin has to bite back his smile at your remark but quickly frowns again at the expression on your face. You look regretful, like you wish you never spoke. You’re just waiting for his rejection, willing it to come faster so you he’ll leave and you can wallow in self pity by yourself in the comfort of your bed. You disturbed the peace that was your friendship.

“I- the breakup is still fresh and you aren’t thinking straight, baby. Don’t say things you don’t mean.” Jeongin pleads. Is he trying to convince you or himself?

“But I do mean it Jeongin. I really do and I can’t believe it took me this fucking long to figure it out and I wish I’d never caught feelings because this is just a shit show now.”

He goes to speak but you quickly interrupt him. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. Just forget about it,” you expect him to leave, or to at least move away. But he doesn’t, instead he leans in closer to your ear and whispers in a hushed tone,

“Didn’t I just tell you to stop apologizing, baby?” The way he says ‘baby’ sends shivers down your spine, it’s different than the other times he’s called you that. This time his words actually do have a hidden meaning. His breath ghosts the shell of your ear for a moment before he slowly pulls back to look at you. As if he hasn’t studied your every feature to the point where you’re engraved in his mind.

“You have to promise me that you actually understand what you’re saying and that it isn’t the post breakup neediness talking.” He looks at you sternly and fully expecting a response in words.

You, on the other hand, have absolutely no intention of speaking as you instead grab him by the collar of his hoodie before pressing your lips against his.

Kissing your best friend is much more intimate than you ever expected. He kisses you like it’s not the first time and with more than enough purpose. It starts off aggressive but soon simmers down into a delightfully slow and passionate rhythm and as cliche as it sounds, it’s in this moment that you finally know where you belong, where your home is.

No matter the circumstances, Jeongin always left a space for you in his heart. His subconscious wouldn’t let him fill it with someone else even if he wanted (which he didn’t), forever waiting for you to find the spot with your name written all over it and stay there for as long as you may live.

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tags: @skzstarnet @godslino @myseungsunglove @seungseung-minmin @azuna-sz @chanyeolsrealwife

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meltinghun · 3 months

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Complicated ; Jean-Pierre Magnan.

summary; since the start of the school year, Jean-Pierre and reader have competed with each other for the first place on everything, that is until reader starts to neglect herself.

warnings: fem!reader, ANGST!!!, fluff, swearing, academic enemies-to-lovers, feelings of failure, reader has a shitty family AND doesn't take care of her health (dead dove do not eat? idk?), canon typical misogyny, they're so mean but they like each other (i promise!!).

w/c: 2.8k

author note: i want to thank everyone who encouraged me to keep writting, your comments made me blush and giggle so hard, omg!!!! <3

I got stuck in this o.s for more than a month because I really liked the idea but I wasn't convinced on how it was turning out, but anyways, I had to upload something after being inactive for so long lmao.

The latin teacher handed each student their graded exams, occasionally throwing back handed comments when he saw necessary, visibly enjoying the defeated faces of the students that didn't receive a satisfactory grade.

With an audible sigh, he extended the paper towards Y/N, shaking his head to emphatise his dissaprovement.

"You were the only reason as to why I was starting to believe that it was a good idea to integrate girls to the school." He raised his eyebrows. "But I'm starting to regret it."

The loud comment reverberated on the walls and hurt her ears, making her shrink in her seat with embarrassment when the big red 7/20 was placed in front of her. When the professor continued walking around, she heard a subtle chuckle coming from the left, turning her head in that direction. Founding a pair of big green eyes already staring at her in amusement.

"And I'm starting to believe that, after all, you are not a threat at all." A small smirk painted his face before continuing. "Maybe you fooled all of us into believing that you were actually smart, but I guess you aren't at all."

Her throat closed at the same time that she felt the need to throw up, she didn't knew what was wrong with her, she stayed up late studying for the tests, wrote her own resumes and even recited them out loud to try and memorize it, but no matter what she tried, the formulas didn't seem to stick to her brain, the numbers and symbols seemed like the exact same thing and confused them with each other and even the words of her history homework seemed to be written on a foreign language. She felt like a failure ever since her parents started to demand even better grades than she already had, spending her days and nights studying and having little to almost no sleep at all, investing all her time into trying to regain her star student position.

She was exhausted, sometimes even getting to the point of hallucinating things from the lack of rest, but convincing herself that she didn't deserve it until her parents were more than proud of her. And that seemed so far away.

Blinking away the tears, she tried to keep up with her facade, "Maybe you should start to mind your own business, Magnan." She managed to spat through gritted teeth.

"And that's where you're wrong, again." She groaned in annoyance. "See, when something makes you feel miserable, it is completly of my business because it makes me feel amazing."

She took a sharp inhale, and before she could say something, the sound of the bell indicating the start of reccess pierced the air. Rapidly, she gathered her belongings and almost sprinted out of the classroom, earning a severe reprimend from the teacher that she didn't care enough to hear.

"Miss L/N!" He made an offended sound. "Women, they are so sensitive... That's why they don't belong here."

She made a straight path towards the teachers restrooms, and only after locking the door did she allowed herself to let out a choked sob. The tears falling down and making a mess everywere, a hand coming up her face to try to muffle her desperate cries.

She really didn't know what was wrong with her.

Maybe she was the problem.

Everything came down like a ton of bricks falling on her, from the pressure of trying to be a role model for her family, to the hurtful words of Jean-Pierre that striked a nerve. Usually it wouldn't bother her that much and instead she would have a comeback ready to throw at him, but lately that wasn't the case, the highlights of her day used to be the moments were they started bickering at each other, sharing defying looks and victorius smirks in the way. She awaited those moments so eagerly.

But now she was lacking the strength to think on a smart jab to get right back at him, and even when she did manage to come up with something, it didn't bring her any satisfaction at all like it used to. Instead, she just felt drained.

Once again, the bell rang indicating to everyone that the classes resumed once again, but rather of getting out of her little hiding spot, she just stayed there, not feeling ready to face yet another deception.

Nor face again those mesmerizing green eyes.

A sharp headache made her wince slighty, she's been having them since a few days ago, sometimes were more powerful than others and today it seemed like one of the days were she felt like digging out her brain out of her head. She splashed some water on her face and looked at the mirror, looking away almost immediately when she took note of how sick she looked.

Opening the door, she carefully made her way to the infirmary, thinking to herself that some minutes with the school's nurse could excuse her absence in the class. A sudden feeling of dizziness caused by the sudden movement almost made her trip over, but before it happened, a strong hand took hold of her arm, keeping her from falling.

"What is wrong with you? Where the hell were you?" Jean-Pierre gave her a severe look that harbored his concern.

"I already told you to mind your own business." With all the strength she could muster, she pushed herself free out of his hold, the anger bubbling on her veins. "I don't owe you nothing, so get out of my sight and leave me the fuck alone. You would do me a great fucking favor."

Her harsh words left him completly dumbfounded, never before had she talked to him like that, even on the days when he annoyed her out of her mind. He saw how she moved towards the stairs, holding tightly onto the rails; moving closer to her hunched form, he felt the sudden and desperate need to ask her what was the problem, if he could help her in any way.

"I'm here against my will, Miss Couret sent me to look out for you." Was the only thing that came out of his mouth. "She was worried because she didn't saw you at recess, even more when you weren't at the classroom."

The lie slipped off naturally from him. Miss Couret didn't sent him to look out for her, he scaped class by coming up with some excuse about needing to ask something important about his latin competence, the truth was that he was the one who worried about her absence. But she didn't need to know that tiny detail.

Jean-Pierre would never admit it out loud, but he saw the drastic change on his rival's attitude, and it got him concerned. He would secretly listen to conversations of her friends that involved Y/N herself as a main topic, that's how he got to know how strict her parents were with her and it made his stomach churn with worry.

The weird thing was, he really didn't know why he cared so much, neither why he couldn't stop thinking about her. She was the first thing on his mind when he waked up, thinking about new ways to annoy her and have her total attention on him, he thought about her on the afternoon while doing homework, wondering if she managed to do the excersices better that him, and she was also his last thought before dozing up to sleep, anxiously waiting for the morning to come to do that rutine all over again.

He really didn't knew why.

A grip on his sleeve made him stop on his tracks and turn his torso towards her, his free hand instinctively coming up to rest it on her forearm.

"I think I will pass up." She mumbled with a lost look on her eyes. "If you let me fall, I will kill you, Magnan."

And not even a second later, everything turned black to her.

- - - - - - - - - -

The fist thing she noticed was the slight smell of pine blending up with the strong one coming out of the medicines, a small sigh leaving her lips before opening her eyes, stumbling almost immediately with the image of Jean-Pierre sitting beside the bed she was lying, and from what she could see, he was engrossed with a latin book.

Her heart raced and a hundred thoughts per second invaded her head. He could've left her with the nurse to come back to class, why was her still there? Was he waiting for her to wake up? But also, what if he was only there to be the first one to laugh at her? The questions overwhelmed her inmensely, so she decided to ask first the important ones.

"How long have I've been unconsious?" The sudden sound of her voice making him shot his head up, she could swore he almost looked relieved.

"I, uhm... Here, I bet you are thirsty." He cleared his voice before handing her a cup of water. "It wasn't for that long, just a couple hours. The school's over in less than forty minutes, so we can go home anytime."

She emitted a groan. "No wonder why I feel like I slept for years, I missed the whole day!" Leaving the cup on the bedside table, she glanced quickly around the nursery. "Where's Mrs. Bellanger?"

"Some kid was playing too hard and broke his arm in the process, she told me to keep an eye on you while she took him to the hospital." He paused, momentarily doubting if he should keep going. "She also told me that you passed out due to a huge lack of sleep and a possible unbalanced diet. Tell me, did you thought that it was smart? To harm yourself in order to have the acceptance of some idiots who can't see your real value? It's not worth it if you end up like this."

As if it were an habit, her eyes got teary, losing the count on how many times she cried on the day. It bothered her so much, even more that it was happening in his presence. For a moment, he almost sounded so consternated... But either way, she wouldn't tolerate being scolded like a kid.

"Excuse you?" She exclaimed, an evident frown on her face.

"Don't try to play dumb. You know what I mean."

"Oh, so you want to know why? I'm the first granddaughter, the first niece, the first child, the older sister... It's obvious that I have to make some sacrifices, even if it's at my own expense. After all, everyone expects so much more from me." The words came out slower than before and full of venom. "Yes, it may not be really healthy, but I push myself because it's the only way to make them proud of me, and it's something that I believed you would understand, Magnan."

"And you are not wrong, I do understand you." He took a few seconds before saying his next words. "That's why I don't want you to pressure yourself to be someone that you aren't, I know what it's like to be pressured by your parents -..."

"No, you don't. You don't know how my parents are!" She interrupted him. "You don't know how it is to be belittled when you don't achieve something worthy of their interest, you don't know how its like to feel proud of yourself because you thought that you finally did something right just to find out that you failed again, or to spend every second of the day studying, priving yourself of having a social life just to feel miserable at the end of the day. And you definitely don't know how it's like to live your whole life without knowing if your family even likes you."

She didn't know when she started to cry, much less in what moment Jean-Pierre got close enough to wrap her in a tight embrace. But suddenly, she felt like the constant emptiness in her chest was being filled with something much greater than a temporary stability brought by false acceptance, it was an unknown warm and fuzzy feeling that made her anguish vanish away. It felt like that was all she needed throughout her life.

They pulled apart slowly, his hands immediately went to her face to wipe away any traces left of tears on her cheeks, and they stood there, looking at each others eyes, feeling as if they were frozen in time.

"I may not understand entirely, but I can learn how to." He murmured. "I really want to understand you."

"But why would you bother?" She asked, confused and desperate to know. "Since the moment we met, the only thing we do is argue, we hate each other!... I tried to hurt you so many times and you have done the same to me, so please, make me understand, why would you want to help me? Why do you care?"

"Because I care about you, deeply." The words came out breathless, his eyes trying to desperately find her gaze. "I really don't know how to describe what I feel, but I do know that every time I see you, my heart goes crazy, and sometimes I wonder if it will come the day where it's going to jump out of my chest to go chasing after you. I know that every time you laugh with another person, I wish with all my soul to, someday, be worthy enough to be the cause of your smile. But I do know that if I hated you, really did, I would be happy for your downfall, but I'm not, because I can't force me to act as if I don't care about you, not anymore."

Jean-Pierre wasn't a man or words. All his life he struggled to express his feelings, but this time, it was different.

"One of the things I admire you for is the way that you don't never give up, it doesn't matter how many times I get a slighty better mark, you study harder until beating me up the next time we have an exam. You are resilient, and so damn smart that it makes me feel jealous sometimes, because I wish I could have a little bit of the determination that you possess, and I can't comprehend why you focus on your non existing flaws and ignore all your strenghts."

"I never thought..." She began with a whisper, attempting to make a joke in order to not break down completely. "I never thought that someone could ever think that highly of me, not even you."

"How could I not? You are the most incredible person I ever met, Y/N."

A violent sob reverberated on the nursery walls, and before she could even feel shame for shattering that easily due to the sweetest words she ever heard, she found herself on Jean-Pierre's hold once again.

It felt like they spend a lifetime in that embrace, hearing nothing more than the rapid beats of their hearts and sharing everything they didn't had the courage to say out loud, not yet. Squeezing the hug one last time before breaking away, she dried her face with the sleeves of her blouse, his adoring eyes never leaving her.

"Now, what? What's next from this point?" Fearfully, she asked.

"Now... I will walk you home." Seeing her confused frown, he added rapidly. "If you want to be the number one, you have to be better than me, and the first step to achieve that is to sleep well and eat some real food. You have to take care of yourself, then we will work on the rest."

"We? You will help me beating you up?"

"I want to help you to become a better version of yourself. If that costs me becoming the second of the class, then so be it."

He extended his arm in her direction, encouraging her to hold it. Slowly, she got up from the bed and hooked their arms together.

"I must admit that my home is far away and I came walking today, so you can still back down if you want."

"Only a fool could reject such offering."

She exhaled a shaky breath, never expecting that answer. As they made their way towards the door, a sudden question hitted her.

"How did you know about my problem with my family?"

"I accidentally overheard a conversation, I didn't realise it was about you until they named you." An overwhelming warmth creeping up his face.

"Of course, 'accidentally'."

"Shut up." His reddening cheeks and the obvious attempt of a lie didn't went unnoticed, earning a light giggle from the girl.

That fluttery sensation came back to her. She never thought that it would be possible to feel this smitten over someone, even if she still struggled to admit it. While the boy couldn't stop thinking of how fortunate he felt in those moments, with the person he couldn't stop dreaming about holding onto him and walking her home for the first time, and hopefully not last. The warm breeze of the spring surrounding them as they made their way out of the school between laughs and jokes, secretly wishing to have more moments like this one in the future.

#jean pierre x reader #jean pierre magnan #jean pierre magnan x reader #mixte 1963 x reader #mixte1963 #mixte 1963 #academic rivals #voltaire high

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flowerinjuries · 1 year

Note

Hii!, can u do a jaehyun or jeno type of bf? i loved the ones u did already

jaehyun as a boyfriend…

the soft side:

you two were probably good friends before you decided to say fuck it and start dating

very very casual thing at first

maybe he was just your fwb

jaehyun definitely caught feelings though

would start paying attention to the smallest details about you

what made you laugh, what made you angry, what you were wearing…

you just kept him on his toes and he liked that

he always looked forward to seeing you

then he started reaching out to you more and more because he was just addicted to talking to you

he’s more of a listener than a talker so he can just listen to you ramble on about the most random things allll day

he shuts you up by kissing you though

you two never really made it “official” but everyone knew you two were exclusive and super into each other

he’s super protective of you

always has an arm wrapped around you

only you make him smile so wide

he’s honestly miserable whenever you’re not in the same room as him

i think he gets irritated by people pretty easily, but around you he’s so easy going and patient

he really admires you and values your opinions on everything

jaehyun is a curious person and he loves that you’re so intelligent and passionate about whatever you love

so he just wants to be open ears for you

he thinks you’re so cute

he definitely babies you

coos and uses his baby voice

but if the guys caught him speaking this way lol they’d make fun of him

he’d get red and embarrassed but he won’t stop

bc you’re his baby :((

he feels the most comfortable around you

and wants you to feel safe around him

when it comes to you two, “home” isn’t a place, rather it’s each other

lmao that’s cheesy but it’s true ok!!

jaehyun is just the definition of comfy boyfriend

you love wearing his hoodies bc they smell like his boyish cologne and laundry detergent

jaehyun is kind of a goofball

he’s really clumsy and makes stupid jokes all the time

you roll your eyes but he still manages to make you giggle

he’s probably the type of boyfriend who likes to tickle fight lmao

he’s just overall super boyfriend vibes if you get what i mean

jaehyun also loves to spoil you

you like to dress up and go out to eat somewhere fancy and order expensive wine and dessert

he literally plans all your dates

he never forgets important days

he’s literally the valentine boy!!!

such a romantic

he’s the perfect guy to introduce to your friends/family

they all love him immediately

seriously when will you two get married?

jaehyun best boyfriend!

the not-so-soft side (18+ / nsfw):

daddy dom

he expects you to praise him

he obviously praises you too, but he wants you to treat him like a king

i think he has a god complex

as he should though because he does fuck like one

knows exactly how to use his big cock

loves when you choke on it and cry

thinks you look so pretty like this

if he’s being nice and soft he will call you sweet names like angel, pretty baby, my good girl/boy, doll, bunny, etc.

but if he wants to be mean he will degrade you and call you names like cockslut, filthy whore, fuckdoll

either way is good with you

you love to please jaehyun

you both think each other is the sexiest person alive so obviously the sex is great and hot

can we talk about his happy trail

you love to tease him by licking his abs, then go down his happy trail, until you finally reach his huge cock

he loves watching you do this

and it feels great for both of you

even though he almost always doms, you both are equally pleasured

he loves wrapping his hands around your throat

this is how he guides you

god jae loves to fuck you from behind like some type of cheap whore

sticks his fingers in your mouth so you can taste yourself and so that he can muffle your screams

sticks them so far down your wet throat you gag

i think if he’s into any toys it would be gag balls and handcuffs

but he thinks he’s too good for toys

like i said i think he has a god complex

strokes his dick in you just right

hits all the perfect spots to get you to cum hard

literally you cum so hard each time on his dick your body collapses

jaehyun just laughs and brags to you about it later

“what? want me to fuck you so hard you turn into my little rag doll? whatever you want, sweet girl/boy”

:(((

yes you want that :(

he wants it too!!

he feels so powerful knowing he fucks his girl/boy so good

just like you deserve

and he loves when you praise him telling him how hot he is or how big his dick is

boosts his ego

getting fucked by jaehyun is a dream

thanks for reading!! asks are always open btw! and i’m working on writing more nct members as boyfriends :)

#nct au #nct fanfic #nct 127 smut #nct smut #jaehyun smut #jaehyun fluff #jaehyun x reader #nct imagines #jaehyun imagines

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navvyu · 1 year

Text

AN: thank you for requesting! i personally agree, hope i did good at writing this it was a bit hard bc its my first time writing yandere. sorry if its wonky =＾● ⋏ ●＾= ALSO IM SO SORRY FOR HIS COMING OUT LATE :,) (i would like to mention that i worked on this fic almost entirely at school too lmao)

Housewardens with a yandere! male! reader

*not beta read

Warnings: implied stalking, implied murder/violence, creepy behavior(?), kidnapping (all by reader)

Includes: Riddle, Leona, Azul, Klaim, Vil, Idia, Malleus

Riddle

Would at first suspect nothing, simply thinking that his students are finally learning the queen of hearts rules

He would start to suspect something wrong when some of his more… pushy students went missing (not to mention that the pain used to paint the roses seemed thicker as of late…)

Riddle would become weary when he started feeling eyes on him at all times

He would go for a walk in the rose maze to attempt to clear his head, an easy mistake really

Would attempt to cause you physical harm in attempt to get away, he tried multiple times to escape all in different methods (but still ending horribly)

After trying to escape far to many times, he would still hate you with all his heart but he would just push through silently hoping that somebody would save him

“You're far too horrible to be called human, You're nothing but a disgraceful monster. You should be ashamed.”

Leona

At first, leona would enjoy that people had started leaving him alone

But when ruggie started avoiding him, he became suspicious

Would have trouble sleeping because he cloud feel somebody watching him

since he is often alone, sleeping it was easy to 'capture' him

Often tries to escape, will bite

hates you and will vocalize it to you no qualms about it

He tries to use his magic to kill you along with trying to use his brute strength to try and harm you

once he find physical violence doesn't swade you, he will try to degrade you

may try to harm himself to manipulate you to letting him go

after awhile he'll just sit and growl at you but not actually do anything

"You're horrible. i never want to see you again."

Azul

Starting off, if Azul noticed your obsession with him he would attempt to rope you into a deal, trying to use your favorability to persuade you

If he didn't notice your obsession he probably would either just dismiss you or not give you much thought

But Azul would quickly notice the change in attitude of everyone, his clients who had originally refused begging for him to let them reconsider, workers of mostro lounge being on higher performance, the leech twins being more ‘mellowed out’, though he appreciated it all it still made him a bit suspicious

When decided to finally investigate, he was completely alone without any protection, stupid honestly

Would try to use his ‘benevolence’ to persuade you to let him go, but that obviously didn't work

Once he found that it was futile to try and trick you he would resort to physical means to escape

He attempted to trick you again, trying to convince you that he loved you and he was trustworthy but again, he failed miserably

At some point he’ll just get used to it and he’ll shut up

“Please let me go, you love me don't you? How could a man like you be so cruel to his one and only?”

Kalim

Would almost immediately notice the small changes in everything but wouldn't know the cause.

Kalim after a while of people refusing his party invites, hangouts, and other social events, Kalim might start to believe that people were growing to dislike him…

That doubt started to turn into worry when Jamil when missing, seemingly out of nowhere

Now with Kalim being alone most times, it was easier to knock him out

When he woke up, he almost immediately knew he was kidnapped. Not the first time its happened after all…

May try and beg for your mercy or to let him go bt in the end he knew it was futile

He ended up simply accepting his situation and gave up almost all hope, aside from trying to escape every time he had the chance to

“Why would you do this? I trusted you…”

Vil

Might notice your “creepy” behavior if you show it openly

Vil began noticing that a few things were changing, how rook seemed to avoid him, epel being more obedient and so on

Was pleased at first but it quickly became concert and worry

As he paced in his room attempting to connect the dots to what was happening, it gives you a clear window to take him while he’s distracted <3

When he first ‘disappeared’ there were tons, thousand, millions even of people looking for him, if you successfully hide him though it should be to much of a rock in the road

Vil would attempt to escape, or even try to poison you on multiple occasions along with heavy degradation

They all ended in futility of course , but he’s still stubborn as ever

“You’re disgusting… How could you do this? Any other man would have treated me better.”

Idia

honestly he’s probably the easiest to have as your target

All you have to do i earn his trust and ortho’s trust and you’ll basically be set

Idia wouldn't notice anything to out of the ordinary, aside from some of his gaming friends not messaging him, nothing was amiss

Since Idia doesn't often go outside of his room it was easy to keep him ‘’trapped’ there

Though Idia might be a little down he’ll appreciate your company

But when you he a little but clingy he might think somethings suspicious but he’ll brush past it, excusing it has him not being to connected to ‘normie culture’

If he notices that you’re not letting him interact with others or the outside world he might try to get Ortho to search up if its weird or not

When Ortho says its odd behavior he might try to push away form you but he couldn't bring himself to fully commit to it

Overall, either won't notice or will simply brush it off

“Hey wanna join me on this RPG? I think you might like this new charter, he kinda acts like you ya know?”

Malleus

Would also probably not notice that the behavior is considered weird, simply thinking that it's a human custom

May find your obsessive nature endearing, thinking that you just like him alot

Since nobody really even came near him it was easy to keep most potential rivals away

Once the diasmonia group seemed to push away form Malleus he of course became upset that the people he considered family were leaving him

But at least he has you!

Malleus may think that the sudden abandonment is unnatural and may try to dig deeper into what's going on but he wont find much

May at his own will just stay at an arm's length away because he's scared of losing you

“Please don't leave me, I don't think I could take it…”

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throwaway-yandere · 6 months

Text

I want to be honest (no this has nothing to do with fics lmao youll get it as scheduled)

This post is an explanation as to why I consider myself as "retired". I know I've said it's because of studies, but that'll be 1/3 of the truth. I want to talk about the true three real reasons why, and I'll do my best to be straight to the point. This isn't a cry for help (I swear to the heavens it is NOT). This is just to clear out assumptions.

Here's the other two reasons:

Grief & Mental Health

Writing itself & interactions

Grief & Mental Health:

I'll pour my heart out, so I'm sorry if it's long. As I said, I'll be straight to the point, so: my grandfather around the first week of June. I remember how I received the news so vividly. I was listening to Two Birds while washing the dishes at 12 AM. My mom went down the stairs with my father, crying as they tell me the news that he's gone. We drove half an hour to the hospital where I get to pat his head one last time. I remember mindlessly wandering the hospital halls— I remember mindlessly using the free alcohol attached to a wall. I remember breaking down as I realized I just cleansed away the hand that last had contact with him. I remember every detail, from the ride home where I messaged my good college friend to tell her that she needs to be a good nurse because the public healthcare system in the country is awful. I remember silently hating everyone and everything. I remember thinking about how cruel it was that life took away the one relative who genuinely cared about me and I was sure was related to me by blood. I remember thinking how much I'm distant to everyone else on my mother's side except him. I remember feeling so empty. I remember not sleeping for two days straight.

But let's back track for a bit. Before his death, I did have one final conversation with him. He was sedated and tubed miserably. Deep down, I knew his time was coming. So, I just made jokes about how grandma was growing senile and mistook me for a nurse for ten whole minutes. Then, I thanked him for everything he's done, and told him I'll become an engineer. Just like him.

And now here I am, dorming 3 hours away from home. I dormed because I had nearly decided my life meant nothing after lack of sleep through daily commutes and workloads. But I am lonely and unwell. I don't know what I want in life. I don't know what I actually want to be, but I already shifted courses as a chemical engineering student. I was so stressed to the point I've accidentally cried to my chem professor in a phone call. I don't know what I'm doing with my scholarship and education if it's for no one. And I am scared that I'm draining my parents' already limited resource for nothing. That I'm wasting the scholarship my country had given me nothing. That I am wasting my people's taxes for nothing.

It was only when another friend told me that I seem to live my life based on other's decisions and opinions did I notice just why I'm incredibly miserable.

I know I don't have dreams for myself. And even if I did, how the hell will writing and drawing feed me in the future when the industry in this 3rd world country is absolute garbage?

I guess Asians really do the things they hate so they can get what they love. Okay, I'll stop making jokes.

I miss my long-time friends, Phitre and Frost. I also miss my old blockmates when I was a BSEd-Math student. I am too used to eating alone, studying alone, walking alone. I am too used to being an outsider. But I'm not used to silence. I'm not too used to hearing actual silence.

All I have is Discord and Messenger.

And even then, it's quiet.

Writing itself & Interactions

I love writing and drawing. I just hate posting it at this point, which is why I made another account that's purely interaction-based.

I love writing a lot— my happiness is turning shtposts into something terrifying. I don't like writing romances, I like the thrill instead. I like laughing like I'm Hubert from FE:TH after thinking of an evil plot twist.

But I hate posting it. Because I know, no matter how much effort I put it, it's not enough. No matter how long it is— no matter if you learned basic coding for it— drew art— made interactive google forms— it's just not enough. I literally made two long separate fics with different endings depending on your choices and it just performs less on something I didn't actually put anything on.

Lord.

Lord I hate Creative Differences for that. I finally understood why bands hate their hit songs because of that lol.

Don't comment something like "oh, you content creators are just whining—" I am whining. Why? Because we don't treat artists and writers like they're human enough. Like we're just uploading content and that we don't want to hear what the others have to say. I remember there was one ask telling me how they're gonna miss traumatizing their friend— and I'm just sitting there wondering "why didn't YOU tell me their reactions? Why are you making me feel like I'm talking to a brick wall for 2k words and more?" It's not their fault. I am not mad at this anon. They've done nothing wrong, but lord do I hate feeling like this.

I could follow "part 2???" requests, finish all my drafts for the events. But I know. I know the chances of the person who requested them won't actually answer after all the effort.

[insert Berkut's "all that effort, what is it all for?!" voice line from FE:Echoes here to lighten the mood]

But that aside.

It's just silence. Just notes, when I feel like comments are what matters more. I'm used to being alone, but I really hate silence. I hate it so much. That's why I'm always so grateful to the people who do interact often, and don't say that's not true because I can prove it. You can see me make content just for them, dedicate fics, art, everything. I love them, I love the "noise".

I know we all have lives, I know we're all busy, I know. I respect your time, I respect you.

And I think it's just time I respect myself as well.

So that's why I'm retired. No pressure on events (idol and letters), no pressure on anything. I'm actually taking my time in End Of Year Blues. It's nice.

Edit: I forgot to mention

My father hates that I write. He constantly tells me to stop it, to prioritize my academics, when writing is my only way of coping.

So.

Haha, what the hell do I even do anymore, right?

#tw: suicidal thoughts #tw: grieving #astrilde-talks #tw: mental health

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unhonestlymirror · 4 months

Text

Lithuania: Oh, Giedrė would love this salad.

Czech: Who's Giedrė?

Lithuania: ...my 7th wife.

Czech:

Hungary: Your what

Germany: But I don't remember anyone from us having such a name?? Do we have a new state? I'm not teaching you, but don't you think it's a bit weird to marry a micronation for an old state like you?..

Lithuania: *sigh* She was mortal.

Everyone at the lunch table:

Ireland: Wait, wait, let me guess it - your 7th wife was mortal? Just like all the previous ones?

Lithuania:

Belgium: Jesus Christ.

Italy: Looks like someone forgot to tell him that having a relationship with mortals is a moveton in our little community...

Scotland: Lmao, I knew that guy never gave up on polygamy.

Lithuania, smiling with hidden irritation: I am sure we have more interesting topics to talk about than my 12 mortal wives, who were NOT married on me all at the same time, God rest their souls.

England: I agr-

France: NO, WE DON'T! I NEED to know everything about your 12 mortal wives, my dear Lituanie, right now!

Greece: Yeah, I'm also interested, like, dude, why did you decide that marrying mortals so many times is gonna be a good idea? At least you could have just making them your lovers, nothing more, why to put so much effort

France: You know that we can't have human children anyway :P

England: No one asked your opinion, orgies organizer

France: You're not a saint either, Mr. Le Bordel🖕🖕🖕

Lithuania: At first, I did that not out of romantic feelings and absolutely nor for sex. Poland had demanded that I must have married him in order to establish Commonwealth better. Although the pact was already legal, I wasn't ready for that, especially considering that the Catholic Church doesn't allow divorce... I didn't want to lose my independence completely, I didn't want to kill Poland to break the possible marriage because that would be really gross, considering that it was me who came to Poland first, I've lost Ruthenia and Smalensk by my own stupidity. Being on the peak of my power, I've fallen down like Lucifer. The day before, I was an empire, and the next day, I was nothing but a colony. I was miserable, and I had no right to complain. But one day, a woman approached me in a pub and asked me half-jokingly: "Doesn't your mother need a daughter-in-law?" And then it dawned on me. "Actually, she does," I answered. We got married the next day. The problem was delayed because, thankfully, Catholicism can't stand polygamy.

Lithuania: I can't say I've fallen in love with Milda at first sight, but she made my life less miserable.

Sweden: And she never questioned why her husband never got old?

Lithuania: Well, she never complained. 😆 As well as the others... *blushes a little*

Liechtenstein: I suppose it hurt when she died...

Lithuania: It always hurts when someone who lives in your heart dies. At least, she was gone with peace. I made sure she was buried properly.

Lithuania: That's when I've realised I didn't want to come to the empty house for eternity.

Lithuania: Later, I've usually tried to marry widows or single mothers: someone who was the outcast for society and who wasn't really able to protect themselves. I've thought it was not fair. After all, I can't just wander around like a ghost, if I am the personification of my people, at least I could have tried to make someone’s life a bit easier. To some extent, I perceived it as a sacrifice for Milda.

Japan: I'd say you have a fetish if only what you're telling didn't sound so sad.

Bulgaria: At least, the children could be proud of their vampire step-father! :D

Romania: Bulgaria, shut up. Just the mention of vampires makes me sick.

Finland: If you watched your wife dying every time, no wonder you seemed so depressed.🫂

Lithuania: 🫂

Lithuania: So I've come through the Commonwealth partition and russian empire, but the tradition remained.

Everyone: *silence, many have watery eyes*

France: 😭😭😭

England: You're the weirdest freak of Europe. After France. No offence.

France: Ugh, what can a cold-heart like you know about the pain of true love loss😭😤😡 This man's married 12 TIMES! TO MORTALS! You could never.

Lithuania: Well, sex was also nice.

Czech: Ew.

Greece: Now that's our guy🤌🤌🤌🤌

Latvia, completely unimpressed: Well, if to be accurate, 13 times if to count his marriage with his sister.

Lithuania: It was PURELY POLITICAL, SHORT-LASTING and it was A SHAM MARRIAGE, to receive funding from the Vatican and save our land from Teutonic Order invasions, you little shit💢 I've never felt anything more than platonic respect to her

France: I NEED DETAILS!!! :D

Bulgaria: A little bit of Monica in my liiife, a little bit of Erica by my siiiide

Latvia: A little bit of Rita's all I need, a little bit of Tina's what I see

Bulgaria: A little bit of Sandra in the sun, a little bit of Mary all night long

Latvia: A little bit of Jessica, here I am, a little bit of you

Together: makes me your man!!

Lithuania: I'm going home.

#hetalia headcanons #hws lithuania #aph lithuania #fruk in the background #hwe france #hws czechia #hws england #hws greece #hws romania #hws bulgaria #hws italy #hws germany #hws japan #hws latvia #hws finland

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agaypanic · 11 months

Note

Okokok bbf!(brothers best friend)Benny Weir x Morgan!male reader where reader is Ethan’s brother/twin (you pick). Reader having a crush on Benny and Ethan trying to prevent them from dating but failing miserably. <3

His Best Friend's Brother (Benny Weir X Male!Morgan!Reader)

Masterlist

Request Something!

Summary: After finding out his brother has a crush on his best friend, Ethan does whatever he can to keep them separated. But he soon finds out all his efforts are futile.

A/N: I would’ve made that title “Brother’s Best Friend” but apparently I’ve already written a benny fic with that title lmao

***

You don’t know why Ethan’s so surprised right now. You had been playing a little game of truth or dare with Sarah and Rory to pass the time while you all waited for Benny and Erica to come over. Sarah asked if you had a crush on anyone, and you shrugged and said Benny. Sarah and Rory just nodded, commenting about how it made sense, and you continued with the game.

Ethan looked like a fish out of water.

You couldn’t tell if it was because Benny was a boy or Ethan’s best friend. But either way, he shouldn’t have been surprised. You thought he noticed how you always looked at Benny or how you went to him first after taking down a bad guy to make sure he was okay. Or the way you did anything you could to be near Benny without being too weird about it.

“You guys are just gonna brush past that?” Ethan asked your friends in surprise. Sarah and Rory looked at each other, then you, and then Ethan.

“Yeah. Why?” Sarah asked.

“Why? Why?” Ethan looked like he was about to pull all his hair out. “He likes Benny, my best friend. We’re all in the same friend group; it’s weird.”

“Being in the same friend group hasn’t stopped you from having a crush, E.” You reminded your brother, rolling your eyes. He turned red, looking anywhere in the room but at Sarah. “Are you acting insane because Benny and I are both guys?”

“Of course not!” Ethan looked offended that you would even suggest that. “Y/n, I could care less about that. But he’s my best friend, and you’re my brother. It just feels… Icky.” You couldn’t help but laugh at his choice of wording. Sarah and Rory joined in, and soon all three of you were cackling at your brother’s ridiculousness.

“What are you guys laughing at?” You all jumped at Erica’s sudden presence. Sometimes you hated how sneaky she was.

“Ethan’s throwing a fit because Y/n likes Benny,” Rory answered, earning a slap in the arm from Sarah for exposing your secret the second someone new came into the conversation. But you didn’t really mind. You knew Rory would tell someone eventually, and you probably would’ve told Erica anyway.

“You’d throw a fit, too, if your brother had a crush on your best friend!” Ethan whined.

“Ethan’s right.” Erica nodded, turning to look at you. You all knew there was some kind of joke leading up to this, because there’s no way in hell Erica would actually agree with Ethan. “Y/n, you could totally do better.”

You all laughed at the serious tone in her comment. Even Ethan cracked a smile.

“Okay, ha ha. But I still don’t like it.”

“No one said you had to, Ethan.”

“No one said he had to what?” Your friends had to stop coming into your house unannounced. Benny stood in the living room looking at everyone, holding a few boxes of pizza and a bag that was probably filled with drinks and candy.

“Y/n said that no one said Ethan had to like that- Ow!” Rory was interrupted from spilling truths again by Sarah, who hit him harder than last time. Benny gave the two a strange look but brushed their behavior off.

“Whatever. I got pizza, pop, and sweets to make our teeth rot. What are we watching?” Benny asked as he set everything on the kitchen island. Erica smirked, reaching into her purse to pull out multiple DVDs. Catching sight of the titles, Benny whined, and Sarah squealed. “No, please.”

“Oh, yeah. All three Dusk movies.”

“I’m surprised you don’t have the fourth.” You muttered, standing from your spot on the couch and going to the kitchen to grab plates and food.

“Only because it’s not on DVD yet.”

You grabbed two slices of pizza from one of the boxes when Benny slid to stand next to you.

“I grabbed you your favorites.” You looked at the stuff he pushed toward you, and indeed, he had gotten you your favorite drink and a couple of your favorite candies.

“Thanks, Bens.” You gathered it all around you before looking up at him. It was crazy to you that he was leaning on the countertop and was still taller than you. “You didn’t have to get me all of this.”

“It’s no problem, really.” He smiled at you, and you wished you could look at him forever. The little twinkle in his eye he had when he looked at you made you giddy.

“Oh, nice, pizza.” You were pushed away from each other by an annoying force, more commonly known as your brother. He stood between the two of you, piling his plate with food. After one last look at Benny, you gathered everything in your arms and went to sit on the couch.

When everyone had gotten their food (you, Ethan, and Benny had food. Sarah, Rory, and Erica had some blood bags, and you didn’t want to know where they got them.), you all settled in the living room, either anticipation or dreading the movie marathon that was about to be put on.

Benny sat next to you on the couch, and you were about to offer him one of your sweets when Ethan stood in front of you two.

“Benny, move over a bit, will you?” Ethan made a waving motion to get him to move away from you. You and Benny looked confused. “You’re in my spot.”

“Since when has this been your spot?” You asked. Ethan started to look flustered, trying to come up with an answer.

“Shut up and sit down!” Erica demanded. “The movie’s starting.”

Knowing it’d be better to listen to Erica than continue fighting with Ethan, Benny scooted over, albeit reluctantly. Ethan sat between the two of you, subtly spreading himself out on the couch so you were further away from Benny. You leaned over to Ethan.

“I know what you’re doing.” You whispered to your brother. “Stop it, baby.”

“I’m not doing anything,” Ethan muttered back, ignoring your glare to focus on the movie.

You suffered through the first movie in silence. Your brother was acting like a child. Anytime Benny tried to make a joke about the movie to you, Ethan got in the way by constantly “assuming” he was talking to him. You understood that he was uncomfortable with the fact that you liked his best friend, but that didn’t mean he got to separate you and get in your way.

Getting up and stretching, you told the others you were going to go change into something more comfortable and went up to your room. Although that was true, you also needed a minute away from your brother to avoid losing your mind on him. You changed into sweatpants and were about to change your shirt when there was a knock on the door.

“Oh please, don’t stop on my account,” Benny smirked when you opened the door and saw you drop and smooth out your shirt. You rolled your eyes and let him in, closing the door behind him.

“I’m surprised Ethan let you up here.” You said, taking your shirt off to pull on a loose hoodie. Benny sat on your bed, staring at you.

“I told him I was going to the bathroom, so I bought myself a few minutes.” He hooked his finger in the waistband of your sweats and pulled you close so you were standing between his legs. You smiled down at him, hands resting on his shoulders.

“Let’s make them worth it then.” You murmured before leaning down to kiss Benny. He held you closer to him, arms wrapping around you.

What your friends didn’t know about you and Benny was that you had been secretly dating for a few weeks. It wasn’t that you were scared to tell your friends; you just didn’t feel the need to. Plus, you had a bit of a feeling Ethan would react weirdly. You two had confessed to each other at a party, and the rest was history.

“We should probably go back down.” You said as you pulled away. Benny groaned in disappointment.

“Just a couple more minutes.”

“I mean it, Benny. Ethan will get suspicious.”

“Fine.” He stood up, still holding you. “One more kiss before we go?” You leaned in, unable to say no to his puppy dog eyes.

“What the hell are you doing?!” Ethan shouted, and the two of you jumped apart, startled. He stared at you in horror.

“What?”

“You were kissing him, Y/n!” Deciding to play dumb, you looked around your room like Benny wasn’t there.

“Kissing who?”

“Don’t play dumb. How long has this been going on?”

You and Benny looked at each other, knowing there was no way to escape Ethan and his questions.

“Since your Halloween party….” Benny said, looking anywhere but at Ethan.

“What?!”

“What’s going on up here?” Erica appeared behind Ethan, scaring the crap out of all three of you. Sarah and Rory stood behind her, watching the scene.

“I just caught Y/n and Benny making out,” Ethan said. The three vampires stared at you and Benny in silence, trying to formulate a response.

“Y/n, I told you that you could do better!” Erica whined, pushing everyone away to go back downstairs.

“Hey!” Benny shouted in offense.

“How are you guys not freaking out?” Ethan asked, looking at Rory and Sarah. They shrugged.

“Who cares? It’s their lives.” Sarah answered, grabbing the back of Ethan’s collar to drag him down the stairs. Rory, you, and Benny trailed behind them. “Come on, let’s watch Dusk.”

“Can Y/n and I stay in his room?” Benny asked, wanting to get out of watching the franchise more than anything.

“No!” Sarah shouted at him. “We’re watching Dusk, and you’re gonna like it!”

#benny weir x reader #benny weir #benny weir x male reader #my babysitter's a vampire #my babysitter's a vampire x reader #agaypanic

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lightininglydia · 2 years

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I Wish I Was Her - Jonathan Byers

Synopsis: Steve wasn’t the only one who got hurt at Tina’s Halloween party... Turns out unrequited feelings can be a bitch

Warnings: Unrequited Love, Jonathan and the reader not knowing how to handle their emotions, some curse words, mentions of drinking + Minor character death and not proof read lmao ( My Bad )

WC: 2.9k

A/N: Showing Jonathan Byers a little love on this app because there’s like NO fics for him! Anyways feel free to request some fics ( especially Jonathan ones because I’m determined to become THE Jonathan fic writer! ) Hope y’all enjoy this one! Open to a part 2 for it as well!

You stood by yourself in the crowded room- you have no idea how Nancy actually managed to convince you to come with her and Steve to this stupid party. You would much rather be at home, curled up next to your cat watching Halloween movies or out with the boys as they wandered the streets trick or treating.

She promised you that you would have a good time and that she would stick by you the whole time but something had very clearly happened to her earlier that day that made her want to get wasted and forget about whatever was troubling her so now here you stood alone and ready to leave.

At first the idea of coming to a party and letting loose with your friends seemed like a good idea especially considering the one year anniversary of Will going missing and everything with The Upside down was coming up and it would do everyone some good to have some fun but as of right now you were not having any fun whatsoever.

You let out a sigh of relief when you watched Jonathan walk into the crowded house, quickly b-lining towards him. You knew he wouldn’t want to stay for long so you secretly hoped he would take you home or that the two of you would go and do something- anything would be better than the party at this point.

What you didn’t notice while making your way towards him was Carol who stood with a small smirk on her face as she outstretched her leg just as you were about to pass her.

You fell forward but two strong arms caught you before you could hit the ground. When you cast your glance upwards you were more than happy to see that Jonathan was your savior.

“ Hi “ you beamed up at him

He laughed as he pulled you up right “ Hi ” he greeted, his voice soft and welcoming like it always was with you.

“ I didn’t think you’d come “ you admitted softly, your hands still holding onto his arms

He shrugged “ Nancy really wanted me here “

“ I did too “

He smiled at your words, blushing slightly. It warmed your heart knowing you had a small effect on the boy, it gave you the tiniest bit of hope that he felt the same way that you did.

“ I gotta say when I saw you from across the room you looked miserable “

You laughed while nodding “ I’ve been ditched and I am not having fun- My original plan was definitely the better choice but of course I let them drag me here “ you mumbled while nodding your head towards Steve and Nancy who were dancing in the crowd.

“ Ahh I see... wanna get out of here? I've been here for a total of two minutes and I already hate it “

“ I knew you’d come and save me! “ You exclaimed, finally realizing that your hands were still holding onto his arms and his hands were still holding onto your waist.

He laughed and opened his mouth to respond but the sounds of Steve and Nancy arguing pulled your attention away from each other and towards them, both of you turning to face them.

You gasped when the red punch spilled all over Nancy’s white shirt, watching her storm away from Steve and into the bathroom. He sighed before following after her. You went to go after the couple to ensure they were okay but Jonathan tightened his grip on your waist.

“ Just let them sort it out “ he mumbled in your ear

You sighed before leaning back into him, allowing him to wrap his arms around your waist and lean his head on top of yours “ I’m worried about them... somethings been up with Nance these past few days and things feel off with her and Steve “

“ They’ll work it out and if they don’t then who cares? I really don’t think they are making it past high school and I think there’s someone more suited for Nancy out there anyways “

Your face scrunched up in confusion at his words “ What do you mean by that? “

“ I don’t know I mean- I just never really thought Steve was right for her “ He explained

“ Yeah well who is then? You? “

When you were met with silence a violent wave of emotions washed over you. You had been so wrapped up in your own feelings for him you hadn’t realized him slipping out of reach as he fell for Nancy.

“ So you do think it’s you “

Jonathan sighed “ look I know it’s wrong to pine after a girl whose already taken but- we had something last year... I could feel it I mean I waited for her but then she got back with Steve and it’s just been this awkward cycle of will we wont we... so I’m sorry for hoping they break up and I know it’s selfish but I just want a shot- just one to see if I’m crazy or if Nancy Wheeler could really fall for a guy like me “

You could feel the tears burning in your eyes as you listened to him and really took in what he was saying. Of course he would fall for a girl like Nancy Wheeler- she was beautiful but she was also so much more than that. She was smart and kind and an absolute badass if you were being honest so it made perfect sense that he would love someone like that.

“ Well then you should go for it- if they break up I mean “ You told him as you fought back the tears and tried to push through the strain in your voice.

“ yeah? “ You could hear the smile in his voice and it broke your heart

“ yeah “ you confirmed, pushing him towards happiness knowing what it meant.

Loving someone wasn’t always easy and in situations like this it felt like the hardest thing in the world but all you wanted was for him to be happy and if Nancy Wheeler was the person who could do that then it was what he deserved. He deserved someone who would love him unconditionally for who he was and all that he stood for. Loving someone came with sacrifices and heartaches but you would gladly take all that pain just to see him radiate the happiness you hadn’t seen from him in a long time.

There was a silence that lulled over the two of you, Jonathan radiating happiness at the idea of him and Nancy while simultaneously feeling grateful for your support while you stood there already wallowing in self pity.

You were comfortable in his arms and imagined what it would be like if the two of you were something more than just friends.

Steve suddenly stormed out of the bathroom and towards you and Jonathan “ Please make sure she gets home safely “ he muttered before continuing to walk away

Your eyes followed Steve as Jonathan’s settled on the bathroom he had just come out of. Your heart hurt a little as Jonathan let go of you and rushed towards the bathroom.

You weighed your current options- you could go after Jonathan and see if Nancy was okay, Walk home or go after Steve and see if he was alright.

After standing there for a second you quickly made your way outside and over to where Steve had parked his car. Thankfully he was still there, sitting on the hood with his head in his hands.

“ Hey “ you whispered as you climbed onto the hood of his car, sitting next to him

“ Please just go away “ he mumbled without even casting his glance towards you.

You sighed at Steve’s request- in no way were the two of you best friends but in the last year you had grown to really care for him.

“ I’d be a pretty shitty friend if I left you here all by yourself… if you really want to be alone I’ll go but if you want someone to listen then I’ll stay “

He looked up at you and your face dropped at the sight of tears falling down his face

“ oh Steve “ you whispered before pulling him into your arms. His sobs vibrated your body as he clung onto you for support.

Never in your lifetime did you expect Steve Harrington to be clinging to you as he sobbed- a year ago you would have laughed at the idea of your high school tormentor allowing you to comfort him in his most vulnerable moment but somehow right here in this moment it made perfect sense.

“ Wanna tell me what happened? Or do you wanna just sit here and calm down? “ You asked, your voice soft

He nodded before beginning to explain what had been happening these past few days and what lead up to tonight.You listened intensely as he explained to you what had happened and Nancy’s “ everything is bullshit “ rant.

“ She’s hurting Steve and I know it’s not fair for her to lash out on you but Barb died and it was just brushed under the rug... her parents are driving themselves into debt trying to find out what really happened to her and it’s probably so hard for Nancy to carry that burden- you didn��t know Barb like Nancy did so I understand that you don’t feel it like she does but you also have to understand how it must feel for her “

“ I want to I really do but it’s not my fault- It’s not her fault either I mean none of us knew what was happening... I feel so guilty that I can’t feel how she does but like you said I didn’t know Barb like she did- I talked to her twice and then she was gone “

“ I know. “

“ And now I just gave Byers the perfect opportunity to play the hero and win her heart- god I’m such an idiot... I love her so much and I don’t want this to be the end “ He admitted

“ Listen... Sometimes you have to let the people you love go knowing they may never come back “

“ Is that what you’re doing with Byers? Letting him go? “ His voice was soft and void of any judgement as he asked you this- it was comforting that the two of you could talk so openly and vulnerably with one another.

You nodded “ How’d you know? “

He almost laughed “ Anyone within a twenty mile radius can see how in love with him you are- everyone except him “

“ Well this fucking sucks “ you mumbled as you leaned your head on his shoulder

“ yeah… yeah it does “ he grumbled back as he wrapped his arm around you

The two of you were silent for a while but the sight of Jonathan practically carrying Nancy out of the party made both of you sit up straight.

You listened as he softly spoke to her, desperately pleading with her to get into the car

“ The universe loves twisting the knife “ you muttered before hoping off of Steve’s car and beginning to walk home

“ Where are you going? “ He shouted after you

“ Home “ you called back as you began walking faster

“ At least let me drive you “ He pleaded

You turned around shaking your head “ I live next to the Wheeler’s Steve... I don’t think you want to drive me home- Hell I don’t even want to go home but I’ve got a pint of Rocky Road in the freezer and a cat waiting for me “

“ Let me drive you home... Maybe split the pint with me because if I’m being honest right now I could really use a friend and some cat cuddles “

You laughed “ yeah okay... I could really use a friend right now too considering the only others are a bunch of kids and my best friend who I’m in love with “

Steve grinned at your response as he hopped off the hood of his car and raced to the passenger side and opening the door for you

The drive to your house was a rather short one that was filled with a comfortable silence. While your situations weren’t exactly the same the two of you had come to an understanding- you loved people who did not love you back and it hurt.

When the two of you got out of the car you locked eyes with Jonathan who stood in the doorway of the Wheeler’s house. You handed Steve your house key “ Go on in... I should probably talk to him “ You mumbled while nodding your head towards Jonathan.

Steve gave a slight nod before walking up your front steps and letting himself in your house.

“ What are you doing with him? “ Jonathan asked as he made his way out of the Wheeler’s house and over to you

“ Same thing you’re doing with Nancy... I’m being a friend “ You explained

Jonathan scoffed “ I took Nancy to her house not mine and he’s the one that just left her there! “

His change in tone almost gave you whiplash as you struggled to understand what the issue here was.

“ you’re the one that wanted him to and why does it even matter that I’m with him right now?“ You shot back

He bitterly laughed “ And what exactly do you think is going to happen here? You think now that Nance is out of the picture you’ll somehow end up with him? “ His tone was harsher than you had ever heard.

“ Excuse me? I don’t know what you think is happening here Jonathan but it’s most definitely not that- I went out to check on him and he offered to drive me home because I was going to walk! He needs a friend right now- You don’t even know what happened between them!“

“ Is this why you told me to go for it with Nancy? Because you wanted to be with Steve? God I thought you were being a good friend and being supportive but no... You’re just like everyone else- Always in it for yourself “ He spat

You really didn’t understand what was happening right now and why he was so angry that you were with Steve and you most certainly did not understand why he was accusing you of having ulterior motives with Steve.

“ Are you kidding me right now Jonathan? Listen I get it- You and Steve have an ugly history but he’s my FRIEND! My friend! That is it! If you weren’t so fucking focused on Nancy you would realize the only person I’ve ever wanted is YOU so no I’m not like everyone else because most people would be selfish! They would be selfish and tell the person they are in love with NOT to go for it but instead I told you to because I love you and I want you to be happy “ Your voice was strained from yelling and you could feel the tears streaming down your face but you didn’t care

How dare he accuse you of only caring about yourself when you were more than willing to have your heart thrown into a blender just to see him happy.

Jonathan felt like he was frozen solid, unable to move at your confession. A wave of guilt surged through him as he realized what he had said to you, putting aside your secret feelings for him you were always a good friend and you had always put him first no matter what and even if you had feelings for Steve that didn’t justify or excuse what he had just said to you

“ I- I don’t know what to say “ He confessed, refusing to meet your eye

You scoffed “ Of course you don’t “

Jonathan’s eyes finally met yours “ You can’t just dump something like that on me and expect me to know what to say “

You crossed your arms over your chest and looked down at the ground, no longer feeling comfortable with being vulnerable with him “ Okay Jonathan” You whispered before turning around and making your way towards your house

“ Wait so that’s it? “ He called out after you

You turned around to look at him, Tears spilling out of your eyes “ What else is left for me to say? Do you want me to tell you that it’s okay? That we can just forget about this and move on? Or do you want me to tell you how badly I wish I was her? How I would kill for you to look at me like that- Just answer this one question... If it was her standing here right now would you know what to say? “

When you were met with silence you knew you had your answer “ Goodbye Jonathan “

You felt a terrible feeling as you walked away from him- almost as if this was the end of something. You wanted desperately to turn around and apologize but there was nothing to be sorry for... You wouldn’t apologize for loving him and you wouldn’t make him apologize for not loving you.

This was something that was either going to slowly work itself out or something that would cause the two of you to be nothing but a childhood memory in the others mind as life continued on.

Love was many things but tonight it was nothing but pain and regret.

#jonathan byers #jonathan byers x reader #stranger things #steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #unrequited love #thisisbadimsorry #lightninglydia #jonthanbyersimagine #charlie heaton #nancy wheeler

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the1975attheirverybest · 4 months

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I truly am happy for Matty. He deserves the fucking world honestly. But it makes me realize I don't have a BF, I don't have friends and I don't get a long with my family most of the time. I'm working on myself this Year I hope something will change. ❤️ I hope for uou and everyone else too. Anyway, sometimes I treat Matty like he is my little brother, his happiness makes me so so happy truly. I love him with all my heart.

Yeah, same. It often feels like I don’t belong anywhere with anyone lmao. But I think everyone feels that way sometimes. I mean, someone like Matty, who has such solid friendships with more than one person, has a mom and a dad who are literally nothing but proud of him in Tim and Denise, a lil brother who clearly looks up to him. Thousands of humans all around the world who care for him deeply, still felt the things that he wrote about in Frail State of Mind, Nothing Revealed/Everything Denied, I Think There’s Something You Should Know, etc.

And, yeah, we see him being happy now, but let’s not forget what he just went through. Pretty much from Feb 7, 2023 right up until December 2023 was absolute hell for him. The entire universe hated him. People not only criticized the things that he did wrong, but everything he’s ever done with his entire life, called him a pedophile, brought up his addiction, wished he would overdose, wished he would die, mocked his appearance, his voice, dragged his ex partners, especially Twigs, harassed Jack Antonoff and Phoebe Bridgers and anyone who was seen being friends with him. Can you imagine what that must have made him feel about himself? I mean he literally shows us in the peanut bit onstage.

As Denise said, the show is as much about all that as it is about his fear of addiction and his fear of people leaving him. Just cuz he appears to have everything he could ever want: a beautiful and kind gf, the worlds most generous parents, and a stellar career, doesn’t mean that his life isn’t just as cold and hard and miserable as the rest of us. And, by his own admission, he only got to the place we currently see him in, where he’s happy and healthy, by going to therapy and being learning to do the hard stuff and by growing up. He’s doing his best. And he doesn’t always get it right. Sometimes he’ll go off the rails. And, unlike me and you and the rest of the world, where, our worst days are private (maybe only seen by a handful of coworkers or family or whatever), his worst days are in front of thousands. and boy do they let him know when he’s fucked up.

Don’t let his joy mislead you into being hard on yourself and don’t let it make you forget that he’s just as fucked up as we all are. He’s just really really brave. That’s all.

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alstroemerian-dragon · 9 months

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thinking about the several month period where the survivors (plus the two who are already awake) work to 1) wake up mahiru 2) support her through healing and then 3) wake up peko

and how utterly Miserable that period of time has to be for fuyuhiko

(more under the cut because its another long one babey)

like. okay. heres a couple of disclaimers: this is a repeat, but i have not watched the anime. so if the character dynamics from it are your canon, just know i may not follow that. second, i… dont really think about mahiru that much. shes not really that much of a character to me, given what were given in canon, and the Casual Man Hating Mom Friend Lesbian (and i know she canonically has a crush on hajime so shes definitely bi or pan dont yell at me) trope just does nothing for me im sorry HOWEVER. in contrast to fuyuhiko, and in terms of what, in my brain, she does during the tragedy (which will probably WILDLY contradict literally everyone else’s opinions), there IS something in… her* arc post sim (that * will come back) that DOES interest me. bear with me

fuyuhikos ingrained belief system revolves almost entirely around the phrase ‘There is always a bigger fish.’ there is always going to be someone stronger, bigger, and more dangerous than you, so you have to work to be the strongest, biggest, and most dangerous you can in order to stay alive. along with that, he’s had very strangled views of what it means to be a Man shoved down his throat by most likely his father, so to him, being a man means being Big and Strong and Dangerous. but at the same time… he knows thats all bullshit. hes had other influences in his life, peko, his sister and, in my mind, his mother and other strong women high up in his clan, that have shown him the falsehoods of a lot of those claims. at the same time, he also knows, in the back of his head, that he physically can not meet those expectations for being a man. but… he is one. i think hes Solid in that. so it ends up all conglomerating and fighting in his head in a very confusing mess, which honestly has to be exhausting.

mahiru, by contrast, seems to have this very odd two-part system of beliefs, where being a man means being Confident and Strong and Protective, but at the same time, men are fundamentally Lazy and Stupid and Uncaring. women need to be protected by men, but also men are unnecessary. its… yeah its honestly familiar lmao. and some of this is the writers’ beliefs seeping in and some of it is bad writing but at the end of the day its what weve got.

so, to me, it really feels like the two of them would have absolutely hated each others guts during school. fuyuhiko is neither Big and Strong and Caring, nor is he Lazy and Stupid and Uncaring. he cares a lot, but not openly, or in a way that mahiru would easily recognize. hes an enigma in her eyes. and to fuyuhiko, mahiru is stuck in a frame of mind hes been fighting since he was a child, and as much as he’d try to be sympathetic, his anger has a tendency to get the better of him.

so… sato’s death would only have made this situation worse.

i dont think any of them knew he was responsible for her death. i dont think fuyuhiko told ANYONE aside from peko, especially since this would have been in their second year, after junko had begun sinking her talons into the entire class. how could he trust any of them? and he has to have known about her connection to mahiru, its the only way he could have found out she was involved in natsumi’s death. he kept it from her in particular, knowing she wouldn’t understand, knowing she would blame him, knowing it would just make things worse.

she probably doesnt realize the full extent of everything until… until after she wakes up.

im not gonna go too much into them as despairs, but lets just say that fuyuhiko… is responsible for a lot of bad things, even ones that happened to his fellow limbs. mahiru also did a lot of shit, but hiko i think is one of the only ones who hurt his so-called allies. and her cheery, fake, influencer-like attitude absolutely grated on him like crazy, resulting in a lot of screaming matches and even physical altercations.

so, when mahiru wakes up, her opinion of fuyuhiko is the lowest it could possibly be. hes an enigma, a stick in the gears, a man who hasnt yet shown his true colors and yet is also a violent, cruel dictator, fulfilling every expectation she has for the kind of man she expects the Ultimate Yakuza to be.

except he isnt. because by the time she wakes up, its been over a year and a half since the program shut down, and fuyuhiko is a very, very different person. and he doesnt have a low opinion of her at all. hes incredibly sympathetic to her situation, understands how much pain shes probably in, understands theres definitely a lot more under her surface beliefs that he doesnt see or know yet. thinks it was incredibly brave of her to stand up to him despite knowing he could be violent and dangerous.

and as the days go by, she sees that. sees him interacting with the others, sees him laugh at one of hajimes stupid jokes, sees him smile and roll his eyes at kazuichi’s physical affection, sees him lean on his cane when his leg flares up, sees him rubbing at the scars around his eye when they ache. sees how much respect he treats her with, how much space he gives her while not avoiding confrontations, because hes done running. hes been running for far too long, and hes done with it.

i think it takes a long time. weeks, maybe. months, possibly. but i think it starts to weigh on her mind, that she cant keep treating him like a criminal. like a weapon. cant keep ignoring his humanity in favor of the label of Violent Man that sits in her brain. and, additionally, interacting with the others, with hajime, with sonia, with kazuichi and sagishi. she starts to realize how utterly stupid the rigid gender structures that exist in her heard really are.

basically what im saying is i think mahiru is a he/him butch bi woman because i love to hit characters with the Cool Ass Gender ray. this is where that * comes back by the way thats why thats there because mahirus not a girl but also he is a girl but also hes not. hope this helps <3 also he and fuyuhiko are Worsties. they should eventually get to a point where they can both make jokes about the fact that fuyuhiko tried to kill him and can also have serious conversations about the sato and natsumi shit without devolving into unproductive arguing.

AND THEN PEKO WAKES UP FUCK THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT—

#personal #meta #danganronpa #fuyuhiko kuzuryu #mahiru koizumi #yeah im character tagging its about them. whatever #sorry to all the mahiru fans out there but his canon shit is just sooooo boring to me #i have to do something interesting with him or ill simply die #and hes too entwined with fuyuhiko and pekos arcs and storylines for me to allow myself to ignore him entirely so. here you go.#this is me trying really really hard to find something to grasp onto in him #i guess the ‘and then peko wakes up’ post is gonna have to be another one #i just think about mahiru waking up and asking coldly if fuyuhiko made it and he from out of her line of sight goes ‘im right here.’#and she just goes RIGID.#the angst i gobble it down out of my hands like a fucking animal

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degeneratewh0re · 11 months

Note

"Do you still have feelings for me?" + copiiia? :]

(Yo I accidentally wrote a whole fanfic for this one lmao, more content for y'all. I hope you enjoy 💕)

Copia had never felt more miserable in his life. He thought that becoming Papa could possibly fulfill the empty feeling in his chest, and he knew what he needed, but there was no way he could ever get it back. Even leading the sermon during mass, he wasn't himself. He choked on his words and the chapel's occupants gave him concerning looks. He merely passed it off as, "Eh, scusi, I fear I may be coming down with something..." and awkwardly laughed it off. Really, he was crumbling on the inside. Suffering with loss. Everyone says it grows easier over time, but that isn't the truth, is it? The more time passes, the more we forget about the person we lost. Copia didn't want to forget Terzo. He couldn't.

He had been missing for over three years. Presumably dead. And though Copia wanted to do everything in his power to search for his lover, Sister Imperator would never allow it. He wanted to peel his skin away, feeling constantly watched. Like he was prey being stalked by an eagle, waiting to dig its claws into him as soon as he made the wrong move...

But, one night, the unthinkable happened.

An anonymous letter left on the windowsill in his bedroom. 'Come to the forest at midnight. It has been such a long time since we've spoken.'

Unsigned, yet the handwriting was deeply engraved in Copia's mind. His heart began racing. This has to be a prank. Whoever was behind it, he would sure give them a piece of his mind. What a cruel thing to do to somebody...

Fine. He'd go. When the hour struck, he climbed out of his bedroom window and quickly ran across the gate bridge as to stay out of sight, silently cursing to himself. He could have been smarter and worn something else besides his slippers. He persevered, despite nearly stumbling with every step, and ran deep into the forest. It had been thirty minutes since he first began his journey. His sleepwear was torn, nicks covering his arms and legs from the thorns and branches he got caught on. Maybe this was a bad idea... what if whoever wrote that letter only wanted to lure him in so he'd get lost? For the worse, kill him? He grew anxious, paranoid. He was lost in the dark and far from home. He wanted to cry, but he was so angry with himself that his body wouldn't allow it. Though.. he saw a strange rope on the ground. It was suspiciously out of place. The more he looked, the more he realized that there was more rope. It has to lead to somewhere...

By the end of the rope, still nothing. Copia buried his face in his palms and shouted. The tears began to quickly fall after a while of holding them back. He felt so stupid. He was going to die here, alone, torn to bits by some wolf or something befitting of his situation-

"Copia."

He froze, slowly turning around towards the voice. Was it...?

It was Terzo. Alive. His hair had grown past his shoulders, and there was no mistaking that chilling, glowing white eye in the darkness. Copia stared at him, wide eyes, and then something snapped inside of him. He shouted and knocked the other man square in the jaw, sending him tumbling back against a tree.

"You motherfucker- how could you- why? Why did you leave me?" He panted, grabbing Terzo by the front of his shirt, angry enough that steam could have comically shot from his ears. Terzo slightly panicked, putting his hands up to defend himself, wincing from his jaw aching from the punch. "Will you calm down? Let me explain before you start beating the shit out of me, belial!"

Copia huffed, and reluctantly let Terzo go. He didn't want to do that.. he wanted- he shook away those thoughts. Terzo was still alive, and hadn't even bothered to say goodbye. Nothing. Copia had been hurting for years.

"Hurry then! I'm cold, I'm torn to bits, I-I-" his breath shuddered as Terzo quietly shushed him, brushing a hand over his cheek, petting him softly. He looked away and gritted his teeth.

"I had to run, Copia. They were going to kill me. I wished I could have told you, but doing that, I would be risking both of our lives."

Copia felt his anxiety spike hearing this. No, no.. this was too much information to process right now. "Why... why would-? Your own father wouldn't kill you." His voice sounded out of breath, broken, hurt. Terzo cooed quietly. Oh, he hated seeing Copia upset... and Terzo felt his heart break whenever Copia began sobbing.

"No, don't cry, bello. I'm here. I'm alive." He wrapped his arms around Copia, letting the Papa cry into his shoulder. Copia trembled beneath his fingers and gripped onto the back of his shirt. Now, he really didn't want to let go.

"Do you..." Terzo never let Copia leave his grasp, but moved his head so he could look down at him as he began to spoke. He wiped away his tears with his thumb, stroking over the faded out freckles on his cheeks. "What is it?"

"Do you still have feelings for me...?" Copia choked out between sniffled. Terzo smiled sadly, sighing, looking his dearest in the eyes.

"I've never lost them. The only reason I came back was for you, caro mio..."

Copia smiled through his tears. His grin big and crooked. He felt the emptiness inside of him slowly being filled again. He cupped Terzo's cheeks with both of his trembling hands, pulling him into a gentle, passionate kiss. Terzo held onto his hips firmly, gently caressing his lover while he returned the affectionate touches.

"I am going to take you far away from here, beloved. I'll make sure they never hurt either of us..."

#copiiia #fluff #angst

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crow-raven-crow · 6 months

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𝟐𝟎 𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫 𝐐𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

Tagged by @weemssapphic - thank you, dovey 🤍

𝟏. 𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐬 𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐨𝐧 𝐀𝐎𝟑?

16.. I cross-post everything, but i also just started like three months ago now SO

𝟐. 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐭𝐨𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝐀𝐎𝟑 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭?

79,333 (i've been seeing this damn angel number everywhere)

𝟑. 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐟𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐦𝐬 𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫?

Mostly Wednesday right now. I'm getting into Game of Thrones and there are Resident Evil 8 fics in the works ! I want to get into RE8 writing more because I miss our Lady Dimitrescu ;)

𝟒. 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐭𝐨𝐩 𝟓 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐬 𝐛𝐲 𝐤𝐮𝐝𝐨𝐬?

The Protector (series)

I Know You Will.. (lyric fic)

Slow Down, I'm Not Going Anywhere

I'd Hate To Repeat Myself

Monser (series)

𝟓. 𝐃𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬? 𝐖𝐡𝐲 𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐧𝐨𝐭?

Yes! I try to respond to every comment I get on all platforms. I remember when I would comment on works before I started posting my own. It would feel so cool when I got to talk to the writer/artist about the work or anything to do with their process. It feels amazing being on the other side of that now. Like someone read something I did or saw something I drew and took the time out of their day to say something about it.. It's crazy to me and keeps me eternally grateful

𝟔. 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠?

Monster Ch.3 - Retrograde (~4.1k words) - THIS CHAPTER HURT LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER DUDE. The flashbacks, the hopelessness, the deep emptiness that I felt while writing everything in Larissa's point of view literally made me cry. This whole series is just a miserable slap in the face with angst. The final chapter of this fic is a little over 10k words, and I wrote it all in one sitting LMAO. I went insane, but there is angst all over it.

𝟕. 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠?

Most of my fics are happy endings because even though i LOVE angst and I'm so drawn to dark fics and things like that, they're so painful to read and write. The pain in angst fics is not for the lighthearted, especially hurt/no comfort. The happiest I think would be the last chapter of The Protector - To Be Found.. This whole series is a bit of a cliche, but it was my first series and post on here.. It's got a special place in my heart

𝟖. 𝐃𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐬?

Thankfully, no! It was definately something I was nervous about. I think that my writing isn't the best every now and then;;;; But I know that I'm only growing and challenging myself to improve with each step. It pushes me back up and makes me so grateful to everyone who does like what I put out, especially when they're not as popular categories or a bit of a different idea than what has been seen.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do, yes. Always wlw. They're mostly due to the requests I get in my inbox, but that doesn't mean I enjoy them any less. I dip into most things now and probably more as I get more comfortable writing them. I have no issues with it, I just want to translate it well if you know what i mean ;)

𝟏𝟎. 𝐃𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬? 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐳𝐢𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧?

I'm not a big fan of writing them.. I don't think I'd really know what to do if I were to write one. They can be a really hard thing to write, but it makes me look up to the ones who can write them super well. If that's your thing and you love to read them, I'd check out @daydream-cement if you haven't already. They did a really good crossover with Gwen's characters called The Road Trip

𝟏𝟏. 𝐇𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐚 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐧?

Not that I am aware of, no.. If this ever happens, please bring it to my attention. I spend hours creating and it's always like a punch in the gut when something so personal and meaningful to me gets stolen

𝟏𝟐. 𝐇𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐚 𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝?

Nope

𝟏𝟑. 𝐇𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐨-𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐚 𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞?

Not yet. I haven't been asked about it before, but my current schedule is too packed for me to even contemplate the idea. One day!

𝟏𝟒. 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐚𝐥𝐥-𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩?

I'm very much on the x reader train. I basically only write and read that as well. Don't know if I'd write anything else, but there are a few Lady D x Larissa Weems ones that I've seen a bit ago that caught my eye

𝟏𝟓. 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐚 𝐖𝐈𝐏 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐮𝐛𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥?

Lover Academia.. Literally my next series LMAOOO. Guys.. It's been sitting in my notes since I wrote The Protector....... I changed a big part of it in early September and basically merged two ideas, but I haven't had the motivation to go in and rewrite them to fit together. It's like pages of notes.. AND I DON'T KNOW HOW IT'LL END SO THERES THAT TOO AHAH

𝟏𝟔. 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐭𝐡𝐬?

Setting of time and place. I've always loved describing things. I could write pages to just describe a room alone. I always loved reading stuff like that because it really helped me visualize what was happening, so I guess it translated into my own writing.

𝟏𝟕. 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬?

I'm much slower than I would like to be. A big part of that is now balancing school, work, and a social life. I'm thankful enough to consider doing this and interacting with my mutuals as a bigger part of my life. It's crazy to think that I followed these people months ago, and now I talk to and write alongside them. I do so much with school and work that there are days where I could write but I allow my body to recharge for a bit and then pick it up later in the day.

But this also taught me a good lesson because I am not a consumable artist. I don't want to push out mediocure works, I don't want to operate like a machine, I don't want to put works out only for them to be swiped over everyones heads. I want my work to be savored, to be reread, to be saved in folders because "ohmygod that was amazing." As artists in this social world, we are pushed to create as much as we can, but I don't want to be lost within that.

𝟏𝟖. 𝐓𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐟𝐢𝐜?

I've never done this before? I think I would when it comes to anything related to Lady Dimitrescu or Donna Beneviento, but I would make sure to get it checked before releasing it. It's a risky game to play sometimes.

𝟏𝟗. 𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐦 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫?

Wednesday (Larissa x Reader)

𝟐𝟎. 𝐅𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐯𝐞 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧?

Monster (series) - It's the way I loved breaking my own heart. It's the way I loved making you all suffer along with me. It's the way the ending was so long but provided closure after the shit show that Larissa and Reader had gone through. I'd love to write one-shots for this universe. I loved it so much and feel like I can write their happier moments that way.

I Know You Will.. - THE LYRIC FICS YOU GUYS REQUEST LITERALLY HAVE ME IN A CHOKEHOLD. This one hurt so good. This is a part of Larissa that I will always want to love and protect. She needs to be reminded of how amazing she is - we all understand this part. But being allowed to feel those emotions and have someone stick with you through them is also oh so special.

✧･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧ :══════⊹⊹══════: ✧･ﾟ｡˚☾.･✧

IGNORE THE FACT THAT I FUCKED UP THIS POST SORRY

✧･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧ :══════⊹⊹══════: ✧･ﾟ｡˚☾.･✧

Tags (no pressure <33) - @sapphos-ode @i-write-sometimes-maybe

consider yourself tagged if you see this

✧･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧ :══════⊹⊹══════: ✧･ﾟ｡˚☾.･✧

~ 𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐰

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

#personal #20 author questions #crowravencrow #crowvyn updates #crowvyn answered #tag game

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whumpshaped · 10 months

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ok i feel like my lack of emotional permanence plays a huge role in me not being able to cut ppl off or hold substantial grudges. and i think thats why i forgive too easily. mental health musings under the cut lol

i thought it was a case of "time makes everything seem better" (also true). but like. at this point i feel like its safe to assume that for normal ppl that doesnt take two (2) seconds of being away from the situation. as soon as i remove myself from a situation that made me angry i forget abt my anger and im like "why am i not talking to this person i feel so bad"

im also ready to forgive anything within 2 seconds. forgiving ppl isnt a bad thing but its an issue when after 2 decades of continued horrible behaviour towards me i still only need a single second away from said ppl to feel like im being unreasonable for staying away. and thats not even taking into account some acquaintances ive only had for a year or a few months

and then we arrive to the point of ok how do i make this better? less unhealthy for myself? even thinking abt "solutions" such as writing reminders for myself abt why i stay away from certain ppl feels bad and wrong and toxic. like should i rly be writing reminders of why im mad at others? or what they did to cross me? or make me miserable? but thats wrong! bringing up past wrongdoings is toxic and manipulative! isnt that what everyone always says?

but idk. i think theres a difference between trying to keep myself safe from some ppl by writing reminders of HORRID shit they said/did to me and how it made me feel at the time, and bringing up tiny mistakes they made 10 yrs ago in response to them accusing me of smth. like the two scenarios r different right? the first is more reasonable than the second i think. even if Some ppl (mostly the ppl from this post lmao) would definitely say they were the same

anyway idk what im talking abt im just thinking out loud and sharing bc maybe some others r in the same boat. lack of emotional permanence gang rise up

#nurtureshaped

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sphericalbee · 23 days

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this is long asf and i know it STARTS w me being like 'i should kms' but im gna spoil it for u all and say that's NOT where it goes lmfao im just dumping out all my thoughts

!! very very rambly, not proofread even once, probably makes no sense and is very cheesy

i wrote a fucking novel holy shit LMFAO no hard feelings if u skip

if i can be kinda depressing for a second i think ab killing myself too much for someone who is basically fine (that might be a lie idk i don't feel like thinking ab it more rn) 😭 like the world just has so many issues i dont wna deal with,,, yk? and it would be so much easier to just move on to whatever's next, bc i KNOW ill have a fuckton of debt in college and have to live through miserable relationships and watch the earth fall apart bc our leaders r so incompetent. even now im living through like 5 genocides, insane global warming, a poverty crisis, inflation, and all of this can be boiled down to greed and hatred

also a lot of kids my age are so horrible for no reason and it's sad to think how many people just absolutely suck ass

but at the same time i won't kill myself bc there are people who i wna make sure get through everything alright, and ik i have good things to live through too

so ive compromised and decided i get to shoot myself in the head when im like 60 if i don't have a wife and the world is still a mess 💀 like i don't wna live longer than i'll enjoy it (lets be reallll global warming will kill us all before i have to do anything anyway)

surprisingly, i got a lot better after reading philosophy books? making sense of the world and appreciating the genius of the philosophers, who were ppl just like me, helps

i feel like ive found so many new ways to think ab and experience the world through philosophy. it's a beautiful part of humanity, trying to understand and having genuine fascination about the way things are and what everything means

good music helps too. yerin baek to fall in love with everything and cry over every single feeling you've ever had ever, universe mongae when that's too much and i have to detach

i listen to universe mongae a lot in class bc my classmates fuckingh SUCKK and she sets me apart from my emotions or feeling lonely when im leaving myself out on purpose bc they're not good people

a few days ago, i was listening to yerin baek as i walked back to school from lunch and the world was suddenly so beautiful and i realised how everyone else has a consciousness and worlds just as real as mine and i fell in love with everyone (by everyone i mean like 30 people)

suddenly i couldn't even care how much i missed out on or the people who i wish loved me more because in the grand scheme of things, im allowed to be careless and love without reciprocation and it won't matter because i hold no more worth than a dragonfly... to have zero expectations for what you could and should feel or be and just enjoy yerin's voice in the moment might be one of the happiest moments i've ever had, honestly

yk whats ironic? it was a love song directed as another person that made me realise i could feel love and not care if i was still no one's favorite. life is beautiful anyway because i can love and make it beautiful on my own

not that my state of 'im fine with loving everyone alone' will last very long. i mean,, im just a mammal LMAO i can't deny my own brain chemistry

even just earlier today i finished the math test earlier and accidentally started thinking ab my childhood. idk why it happened but i did

and i remembered how i was so selfish and couldn't let anyone see i was anything less than perfect

there's one memory where i mispronounced a word and a girl corrected me. and i immediately tried to say, "no i know, but my brother says it that way and i do it too on accident". she called me out, obviously, and i rolled my eyes before whispering "it's true though" in the hope that someone would hear and think "oh she actually knew that"

it's sad to think how i used to be. that's from around 7th grade, i think, so i would've been 11 maybe?

up to a few months ago i would randomly remember that and feel insane anger and hatred for my younger self

it seems so foreign to me now and weird that i could hate a child for being brought up with horrible conditions and lacking emotional maturity. i thought that if i could go back in time i would just look at her and feel bad bc i got so much better since then

maybe even love her idk she's not having fun either 💀 do u think she enjoys holding herself to absolute perfection and looking like a dumbass in front of everyone when that's inevitably impossible??

there was another time that made me so sad to think ab

i got dragged along to my brother's friend's birthday party and some kid did smth rude

and i watched as the kid got chewed out by his mom and then went to apologise to the birthday kid

and the birthday kid just said, so seriously, "I accept your apology"

and i remember thinking smth like 'whoa that's cool id be so embarrassed talking like that'

thinking ab that time (i think i was 12ish maybe) is so crazy. like my parents did such a shit job that i thought i had to be SO ALOOF and above it all that accepting an apology was weak and embarrassing?? jesus i cannot wait to move out 💀 ill send them an email when im gone telling them everything they'd send me back to therapy for

ive been reading too much philosophy, and a lot of that revolves around the meaning of life and how to achieve happiness/catharsis. but i think i have my own conclusion of what it means to be happy even without plato haha

ive never been happier than when i began to forgive and understand myself

it feels like i can live as i want and it's not important. one of my favorite quotes is "i could die tonight and hold no more significance than a dragonfly's death". i wouldn't say im a nihilist but i do like the idea that nothing means anything other than the worlds we have in our minds

it's my mission to make those i care about happy and carve out a good future for myself

ive tried to follow a lifestyle of "i work for my future without ruining my present" but ngl i just ended up anorexic literally three times in the past 5 years 💀 idek what i did wrong like DAMN?? chill tf out hggsdhgfsgd i had a panic attack over eating an extra bit of cheese one time

also fuck my parents for giving me no life skills. raising urself is really hard and you end up with so much internalised bullshit

im honestly so proud of myself for turning everything around after 8th grade

i guess i owe a lot to my classmates for not letting me get away w bullshit and caring ab political issues

it's pretty wild that i cry at movies now when last year i was apathetic all the time

i think i like having feelings? pretty undecided still ngl

i think it's a step up

but i can't even talk to my parents ab how they fucked everything up for me and i had to pull myself out pf the absolute trenchessssss or theyll make me do family therapy and ill end up forgiving them which id rather explode than do

anyway ig my point is if you're having trouble with existence or mental health, pls don't give up on yourself. i promise there's people out there who either love you or will in the future and you just need a few quality coping mechanisms to make it through the day

whether that's antidepressants, the powerpuff girls, philosophy (:33 which it should be), yerin baek (which it also should be), or vent art, find ways to make life liveable until you're ok again. bc you always will be in the end

i probably don't know you but i love you because you have a life and a consciousness

please recognise that about everyone

i read somewhere that everything will always be alright in the end and if it's not okay yet, it's not the end either. it sounds dumb and doesn't really make sense (where's the logic lmao site ur sources at least) but it's such a nice sentiment

i think ummm i will go to school and give all my friends a big hug tmrw so pls don't be sad in the meantime

anyway loossemble's new album is good im so happy for them

this is the happiest and healthiest hyeju's ever looked i lowkey wna cry over how well theyre doing ;v;

also highkey want her to put me in a chokehold like GHSFDFJFSDHGJK those ARMSSSSSS MOTHER??

fuck modhaus tho i hope artms r doing well... fucking jaden jeong ugh

#tw suicide #motivational kind of maybe i think??#i won't kill myself gdfhgggdsad dw i just think ab not having to deal w everything and it seems like such an easy way out #but i got more shit to do!!#ur not getting rid of me for 40 more years at the latest #vent #(??)#not rly #more like #a thought dump #tw anorexia #tw ed #tw eating disorder #just mentioned but still there #personal #thats not even a tag i use im just putting whatever #bye bye #there's a giant ass bug in my shower so i washed my hair in the sink

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