#nurtureshaped

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for the first time in almost 2 months im eating a nice wholesome meal that i could prepare in a way that suits MY tastebuds and MY preferences and MY opinions on how a meal should be. without having to throw in stuff for other ppl in my family. it tastes absolutely amazing i am very happy. so much joy in this little heart

#nurtureshaped #also whats up w tumblr straight up not recommending me my past tags #i rely on that?? a lot???? #anyway

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made my first ever banana bread and its so tasty so ig u could say today is abt to be another amazing day

#IM CREATING SO MUCH #WRITING DRAWING CROCHETING COOKING BAKING #ITS ALMOST LIKE ACADEMY STIFLES ALL INSPIRATION AND WILL TO LIVE #i'll shut up abt uni i swear #this banana bread will shut me up lol #food #food pics #nurtureshaped

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also ngl stopping myself from saying im stupid and replacing it w silly every single time has made a positive impact on my mental health

#it started as a lil joke #bc it fit my silly brand #but now its a habit and i think its actually a good one #silly sounds affectionate and gentle #and its just genuinely a lil funny when i do smth dumb as shit and im upset w myself and i go 'that was so silly of me' #it cheers me up a little lol #nurtureshaped

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i cant even explain the amount of joy dough gives me. squishy lil dude. and especially when its supposed to rise??? RISE MY CHILD. RISE AND REACH NEW HEIGHTS. BECOME EVEN SQUISHIER.

#nurtureshaped

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ive gotten rly into making whatever the fuck w yeast and flour. im rly just out here putting whatever into that dough. very freeing

#i work w instant yeast bc im a dummy but i think thats a given #i dont know how yeast works #anyway my seedy paprika dough is rising #nurtureshaped

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every time u promise urself smth and go thru w it, u increase ur confidence in urself... i say desperately as i drag myself out of bed to go thru w it...

#nurtureshaped

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banani pancies

#nurtureshaped #food #food pic

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ok i feel like my lack of emotional permanence plays a huge role in me not being able to cut ppl off or hold substantial grudges. and i think thats why i forgive too easily. mental health musings under the cut lol

i thought it was a case of "time makes everything seem better" (also true). but like. at this point i feel like its safe to assume that for normal ppl that doesnt take two (2) seconds of being away from the situation. as soon as i remove myself from a situation that made me angry i forget abt my anger and im like "why am i not talking to this person i feel so bad"

im also ready to forgive anything within 2 seconds. forgiving ppl isnt a bad thing but its an issue when after 2 decades of continued horrible behaviour towards me i still only need a single second away from said ppl to feel like im being unreasonable for staying away. and thats not even taking into account some acquaintances ive only had for a year or a few months

and then we arrive to the point of ok how do i make this better? less unhealthy for myself? even thinking abt "solutions" such as writing reminders for myself abt why i stay away from certain ppl feels bad and wrong and toxic. like should i rly be writing reminders of why im mad at others? or what they did to cross me? or make me miserable? but thats wrong! bringing up past wrongdoings is toxic and manipulative! isnt that what everyone always says?

but idk. i think theres a difference between trying to keep myself safe from some ppl by writing reminders of HORRID shit they said/did to me and how it made me feel at the time, and bringing up tiny mistakes they made 10 yrs ago in response to them accusing me of smth. like the two scenarios r different right? the first is more reasonable than the second i think. even if Some ppl (mostly the ppl from this post lmao) would definitely say they were the same

anyway idk what im talking abt im just thinking out loud and sharing bc maybe some others r in the same boat. lack of emotional permanence gang rise up

#nurtureshaped

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i need a tag for my weird new self care journey but uh today i woke up and thought wow its just one of those days when i want to rot in bed maliciously. but then i was like. i have a to-do list, a routine to complete. i think this is what a routine is supposed to do, right? get me out of bed and get me to do stuff that's good for me pretty much mindlessly. so i got up and started on it and i'm making progress and i feel less dead and more motivated for the rest of the day. i'm even abt to go outside (not very common but working on it)

#nurtureshaped

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also i made zucchini bread c:

zucchini isnt detectable. its all just cakey chocolatey cherry goodness

#food #nurtureshaped

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i spent 3 hrs working in the garden i think im cured now

#trimmed some bushes... #the owners havent trimmed them in YEARS #or like. ever. since they only owned the house for a few yrs #i feel good #nurtureshaped

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hi i made morgenboller (in the evening)

#food #nurtureshaped

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i made pizza today..

i rly said "im making pizza for lunch" and mother said "too late for that the dough wont rise" and i said "it doesnt need to." and proceeded to make the best fucking pizza ever

the dough is just mostly equal parts flour and plain yogurt if anyones curious. and salt of course. this was like... 400 g flour, 400 g yogurt and 2 teaspoons of salt. its so good

and then after lunch we had 2-2 pieces of my zucchini bread. honestly im carrying this household on my back /j housewife era

#nurtureshaped #food