#jonthanbyersimagine

[lightininglydia]

I Wish I Was Her - Jonathan Byers

Synopsis: Steve wasn’t the only one who got hurt at Tina’s Halloween party... Turns out unrequited feelings can be a bitch

Warnings: Unrequited Love, Jonathan and the reader not knowing how to handle their emotions, some curse words, mentions of drinking + Minor character death and not proof read lmao ( My Bad ) 

WC: 2.9k

A/N: Showing Jonathan Byers a little love on this app because there’s like NO fics for him! Anyways feel free to request some fics ( especially Jonathan ones because I’m determined to become THE Jonathan fic writer! ) Hope y’all enjoy this one! Open to a part 2 for it as well!

You stood by yourself in the crowded room- you have no idea how Nancy actually managed to convince you to come with her and Steve to this stupid party. You would much rather be at home, curled up next to your cat watching Halloween movies or out with the boys as they wandered the streets trick or treating.

She promised you that you would have a good time and that she would stick by you the whole time but something had very clearly happened to her earlier that day that made her want to get wasted and forget about whatever was troubling her so now here you stood alone and ready to leave.

At first the idea of coming to a party and letting loose with your friends seemed like a good idea especially considering the one year anniversary of Will going missing and everything with The Upside down was coming up and it would do everyone some good to have some fun but as of right now you were not having any fun whatsoever. 

You let out a sigh of relief when you watched Jonathan walk into the crowded house, quickly b-lining towards him. You knew he wouldn’t want to stay for long so you secretly hoped he would take you home or that the two of you would go and do something- anything would be better than the party at this point.

What you didn’t notice while making your way towards him was Carol who stood with a small smirk on her face as she outstretched her leg just as you were about to pass her.

You fell forward but two strong arms caught you before you could hit the ground. When you cast your glance upwards you were more than happy to see that Jonathan was your savior.

“ Hi “ you beamed up at him

He laughed as he pulled you up right “ Hi ” he greeted, his voice soft and welcoming like it always was with you.

“ I didn’t think you’d come “ you admitted softly, your hands still holding onto his arms 

He shrugged “ Nancy really wanted me here “ 

“ I did too “ 

He smiled at your words, blushing slightly. It warmed your heart knowing you had a small effect on the boy, it gave you the tiniest bit of hope that he felt the same way that you did.

“ I gotta say when I saw you from across the room you looked miserable “

You laughed while nodding “ I’ve been ditched and I am not having fun- My original plan was definitely the better choice but of course I let them drag me here “ you mumbled while nodding your head towards Steve and Nancy who were dancing in the crowd. 

“ Ahh I see... wanna get out of here? I've been here for a total of two minutes and I already hate it “ 

“ I knew you’d come and save me! “ You exclaimed, finally realizing that your hands were still holding onto his arms and his hands were still holding onto your waist. 

He laughed and opened his mouth to respond but the sounds of Steve and Nancy arguing pulled your attention away from each other and towards them, both of you turning to face them. 

You gasped when the red punch spilled all over Nancy’s white shirt, watching her storm away from Steve and into the bathroom. He sighed before following after her. You went to go after the couple to ensure they were okay but Jonathan tightened his grip on your waist.

“ Just let them sort it out “ he mumbled in your ear 

You sighed before leaning back into him, allowing him to wrap his arms around your waist and lean his head on top of yours “ I’m worried about them... somethings been up with Nance these past few days and things feel off with her and Steve “ 

“ They’ll work it out and if they don’t then who cares? I really don’t think they are making it past high school and I think there’s someone more suited for Nancy out there anyways “ 

Your face scrunched up in confusion at his words “ What do you mean by that? “ 

“ I don’t know I mean- I just never really thought Steve was right for her “ He explained 

“ Yeah well who is then? You? “ 

When you were met with silence a violent wave of emotions washed over you. You had been so wrapped up in your own feelings for him you hadn’t realized him slipping out of reach as he fell for Nancy. 

“ So you do think it’s you “ 

Jonathan sighed “ look I know it’s wrong to pine after a girl whose already taken but- we had something last year... I could feel it I mean I waited for her but then she got back with Steve and it’s just been this awkward cycle of will we wont we... so I’m sorry for hoping they break up and I know it’s selfish but I just want a shot- just one to see if I’m crazy or if Nancy Wheeler could really fall for a guy like me “ 

You could feel the tears burning in your eyes as you listened to him and really took in what he was saying. Of course he would fall for a girl like Nancy Wheeler- she was beautiful but she was also so much more than that. She was smart and kind and an absolute badass if you were being honest so it made perfect sense that he would love someone like that. 

“ Well then you should go for it- if they break up I mean “ You told him as you fought back the tears and tried to push through the strain in your voice.

“ yeah? “ You could hear the smile in his voice and it broke your heart

“ yeah “ you confirmed, pushing him towards happiness knowing what it meant. 

Loving someone wasn’t always easy and in situations like this it felt like the hardest thing in the world but all you wanted was for him to be happy and if Nancy Wheeler was the person who could do that then it was what he deserved. He deserved someone who would love him unconditionally for who he was and all that he stood for. Loving someone came with sacrifices and heartaches but you would gladly take all that pain just to see him radiate the happiness you hadn’t seen from him in a long time. 

There was a silence that lulled over the two of you, Jonathan radiating happiness at the idea of him and Nancy while simultaneously feeling grateful for your support while you stood there already wallowing in self pity.

You were comfortable in his arms and imagined what it would be like if the two of you were something more than just friends. 

Steve suddenly stormed out of the bathroom and towards you and Jonathan “ Please make sure she gets home safely “ he muttered before continuing to walk away

Your eyes followed Steve as Jonathan’s settled on the bathroom he had just come out of. Your heart hurt a little as Jonathan let go of you and rushed towards the bathroom.

You weighed your current options- you could go after Jonathan and see if Nancy was okay, Walk home or go after Steve and see if he was alright.

After standing there for a second you quickly made your way outside and over to where Steve had parked his car. Thankfully he was still there, sitting on the hood with his head in his hands.

“ Hey “ you whispered as you climbed onto the hood of his car, sitting next to him

“ Please just go away “ he mumbled without even casting his glance towards you.

You sighed at Steve’s request- in no way were the two of you best friends but in the last year you had grown to really care for him.

“ I’d be a pretty shitty friend if I left you here all by yourself… if you really want to be alone I’ll go but if you want someone to listen then I’ll stay “

He looked up at you and your face dropped at the sight of tears falling down his face

“ oh Steve “ you whispered before pulling him into your arms. His sobs vibrated your body as he clung onto you for support.

Never in your lifetime did you expect Steve Harrington to be clinging to you as he sobbed- a year ago you would have laughed at the idea of your high school tormentor allowing you to comfort him in his most vulnerable moment but somehow right here in this moment it made perfect sense.

“ Wanna tell me what happened? Or do you wanna just sit here and calm down? “ You asked, your voice soft 

He nodded before beginning to explain what had been happening these past few days and what lead up to tonight.You listened intensely as he explained to you what had happened and Nancy’s “ everything is bullshit “ rant.

“ She’s hurting Steve and I know it’s not fair for her to lash out on you but Barb died and it was just brushed under the rug... her parents are driving themselves into debt trying to find out what really happened to her and it’s probably so hard for Nancy to carry that burden- you didn’t know Barb like Nancy did so I understand that you don’t feel it like she does but you also have to understand how it must feel for her “ 

“ I want to I really do but it’s not my fault- It’s not her fault either I mean none of us knew what was happening... I feel so guilty that I can’t feel how she does but like you said I didn’t know Barb like she did- I talked to her twice and then she was gone “ 

“ I know. “ 

“ And now I just gave Byers the perfect opportunity to play the hero and win her heart- god I’m such an idiot... I love her so much and I don’t want this to be the end “ He admitted 

“ Listen... Sometimes you have to let the people you love go knowing they may never come back “ 

“ Is that what you’re doing with Byers? Letting him go? “ His voice was soft and void of any judgement as he asked you this- it was comforting that the two of you could talk so openly and vulnerably with one another. 

You nodded “ How’d you know? “

He almost laughed “ Anyone within a twenty mile radius can see how in love with him you are- everyone except him “

“ Well this fucking sucks “ you mumbled as you leaned your head on his shoulder

“ yeah… yeah it does “ he grumbled back as he wrapped his arm around you

The two of you were silent for a while but the sight of Jonathan practically carrying Nancy out of the party made both of you sit up straight.

You listened as he softly spoke to her, desperately pleading with her to get into the car

“ The universe loves twisting the knife “ you muttered before hoping off of Steve’s car and beginning to walk home

“ Where are you going? “ He shouted after you 

“ Home “ you called back as you began walking faster 

“ At least let me drive you “ He pleaded

You turned around shaking your head “ I live next to the Wheeler’s Steve... I don’t think you want to drive me home- Hell I don’t even want to go home but I’ve got a pint of Rocky Road in the freezer and a cat waiting for me “ 

“ Let me drive you home... Maybe split the pint with me because if I’m being honest right now I could really use a friend and some cat cuddles “ 

You laughed “ yeah okay... I could really use a friend right now too considering the only others are a bunch of kids and my best friend who I’m in love with “

Steve grinned at your response as he hopped off the hood of his car and raced to the passenger side and opening the door for you

The drive to your house was a rather short one that was filled with a comfortable silence. While your situations weren’t exactly the same the two of you had come to an understanding- you loved people who did not love you back and it hurt.

When the two of you got out of the car you locked eyes with Jonathan who stood in the doorway of the Wheeler’s house. You handed Steve your house key “ Go on in... I should probably talk to him “ You mumbled while nodding your head towards Jonathan. 

Steve gave a slight nod before walking up your front steps and letting himself in your house.  

“ What are you doing with him? “ Jonathan asked as he made his way out of the Wheeler’s house and over to you

“ Same thing you’re doing with Nancy... I’m being a friend “ You explained 

Jonathan scoffed “ I took Nancy to her house not mine and he’s the one that just left her there!  “ 

His change in tone almost gave you whiplash as you struggled to understand what the issue here was. 

“ you’re the one that wanted him to and why does it even matter that I’m with him right now?“ You shot back

He bitterly laughed “ And what exactly do you think is going to happen here? You think now that Nance is out of the picture you’ll somehow end up with him? “ His tone was harsher than you had ever heard.  

“ Excuse me? I don’t know what you think is happening here Jonathan but it’s most definitely not that- I went out to check on him and he offered to drive me home because I was going to walk! He needs a friend right now- You don’t even know what happened between them!“ 

“ Is this why you told me to go for it with Nancy? Because you wanted to be with Steve? God I thought you were being a good friend and being supportive but no... You’re just like everyone else- Always in it for yourself “ He spat

You really didn’t understand what was happening right now and why he was so angry that you were with Steve and you most certainly did not understand why he was accusing you of having ulterior motives with Steve. 

“ Are you kidding me right now Jonathan? Listen I get it- You and Steve have an ugly history but he’s my FRIEND! My friend! That is it! If you weren’t so fucking focused on Nancy you would realize the only person I’ve ever wanted is YOU so no I’m not like everyone else because most people would be selfish! They would be selfish and tell the person they are in love with NOT to go for it but instead I told you to because I love you and I want you to be happy “ Your voice was strained from yelling and you could feel the tears streaming down your face but you didn’t care

How dare he accuse you of only caring about yourself when you were more than willing to have your heart thrown into a blender just to see him happy.

Jonathan felt like he was frozen solid, unable to move at your confession. A wave of guilt surged through him as he realized what he had said to you, putting aside your secret feelings for him you were always a good friend and you had always put him first no matter what and even if you had feelings for Steve that didn’t justify or excuse what he had just said to you

“ I- I don’t know what to say “ He confessed, refusing to meet your eye

You scoffed “ Of course you don’t “ 

Jonathan’s eyes finally met yours “ You can’t just dump something like that on me and expect me to know what to say “ 

You crossed your arms over your chest and looked down at the ground, no longer feeling comfortable with being vulnerable with him “ Okay Jonathan” You whispered before turning around and making your way towards your house 

“ Wait so that’s it? “ He called out after you

You turned around to look at him, Tears spilling out of your eyes “ What else is left for me to say? Do you want me to tell you that it’s okay? That we can just forget about this and move on? Or do you want me to tell you how badly I wish I was her? How I would kill for you to look at me like that- Just answer this one question... If it was her standing here right now would you know what to say? “

When you were met with silence you knew you had your answer “ Goodbye Jonathan “ 

You felt a terrible feeling as you walked away from him- almost as if this was the end of something. You wanted desperately to turn around and apologize but there was nothing to be sorry for... You wouldn’t apologize for loving him and you wouldn’t make him apologize for not loving you. 

This was something that was either going to slowly work itself out or something that would cause the two of you to be nothing but a childhood memory in the others mind as life continued on. 

Love was many things but tonight it was nothing but pain and regret.

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