#i dont know when i'll post all the other things

[doingsfine]

I wasn't gonna say anything but well lol first of all, fyi, I’m a BLACK person and some things are really bothering me rn. I'll just say smth: It’s good that WNBA has so many new fans rn. But I also know that many white ppl are watching now bc of some players and that’s fine. I’m not judging cause that’s normal.

I hope you guys know that WNBA is mostly made up of black women too. The WNBA has a history, politics and a lot of activism. That won’t change. I was thinking abt some stuff I’ve been reading lately on twitter, tumblr and ESPECIALLY on tiktok.

I saw a video on tiktok about Nika and her teammate? Saying “save/free her”. And bro. That’s not a joke. It’s always a black player and a white girl who you guys love (and this is NOT a post against Nika since I love her too). Thank god I’m not seeing nothing about aces and kate, but once some ppl think that something weird is happening, then we will see the same thing. White ppl always want to demonize black players. And that’s racism.

Ofc you can disagree with some behaviors, that’s what life is about! But there have been a LOT of speeches in the past few days where Chicago Sky players are as predators and violents. And they’re black people. Like??? You can’t just go around saying that black ppl are violent when this sport is about THAT lol this discourse is extremely racist. You guys see a black woman fighting with a white woman and the first you do is portray the white girl as a poor girl? tf is that man. It’s a fucking sport. They don’t hate each other???? lol its RIVALRY on the court Lmfao pls be frrrrrr. It’s just trash talk. It’s just sport. They DONT hate each other off the court. Leave them alone.

DISCLAIMER: This IS NOT a post against Caitlin, I really like her. But also I’m a BLACK person and that’s my opinion.

Please, educate yourself and stop being a little shit. Thanks!

#that’s MY opinion #i'm so tired of all this. i can't enjoy any sport without seeing black people being attacked #that’s so exhausting #caitlin clark #angel reese #chicago sky #kate martin #nika mühl #seattle storm #las vegas aces #indiana fever #chennedy carter #wnba #women’s basketball #wbb

[koco-coko]

Sleepy Comforts | OC x Mozart

word count: 788

CW: slight meowzart

tags: fluff, pre-established relationship, sleeping in the same bed, cuddles

authors note: the voices told me to do it. Also yay my first fic with tchai!!!! :3

people: @natimiles @olivermorningstar @lorei-writes (tagging b/c oc and i know they like ocs if you want/dont want to be tagged tell me hehe i promise i'll make a tag post soon)

Some days were a bit harder than others. Almost everyone could attest to that fact, and that was his only comfort to such weakness. For Mozart, it meant days where he had to interact with those rude and uptight nobles for just a bit too long, where he was stuck on a particular verse for hours at a time, or simply having a bad, annoying day. Maybe Arthur spoke too loud or Comte asked if he would attend another ball… Whatever it was, by the evening, he was ready to collapse and sleep for days.

But he had something– someone to look forward to. A certain girl with baby pink hair in two long braids was reading on his bed, resting her legs after a long day of helping the local ballet company rehearse. Just thinking about it, Mozart felt proud. They both still had a long way to go when it came to learning what the word ‘break’ meant, or… self-care… but Tchai was far more receptive than she was before they started dating. Now, even though she'll be aching and clinging to a florally decorated cane or wheelchair, at least she wasn’t hunched over the floor, strumming a cello or viola or other. 

His feet dragged across the floor. He was thankful the rest of the mansion was asleep this late (or out drinking). He wouldn’t want to be caught dead in such a sorry state, especially in front of those teasing authors!

All thought of other men left his mind as he crossed the threshold to his bedroom and locked the door. Mozart was throwing his layers off as fast as possible, kicking off his shoes by the bedside. He was in such a hurry to disrobe he almost forget to notice the girl laying on the bed.

“Good evening, дорогая,” Tchai said, closing her novel and placing it on the bedside. She held a gentle smile as she crawled beside him, resting her head on the familiar nook between his neck and shoulder. She pecked his neck absentmindedly. 

Mozart gazed solely at his partner while he placed his coat on the bedpost beside him. “Why aren’t you asleep?” he whispered, his concern barely concealed under weak annoyance, “It’s late.” Even still, he gently tilted her chin for easier access to a romantic kiss. Tchai slowly wrapped her arms around his shoulders. It wasn’t rushed nor forced, but neither diluted any passion and lust they held for the other.

Tchai giggled between breaths. Mozart could feel her smile against his lips. “I could say the same thing, Wolfy.” Mozart huffed, only to cause Tchai to chuckle more. “And it’s hard to sleep without you. You know that…”

Mozart stilled suddenly, pulling back to look into the lavender eyes of his lover. She watched his violet ones in turn. Maybe it was cliche or lovesick, but the idea of someone waiting for him was far too appealing to a tired mind. Suddenly, the composer melted into his partner’s embrace, his weight entirely on her chest. She accepted him readily. The scent of flowers overwhelmed him in seconds, soothingly so.

“You really are like a little котенок sometimes,” she said. Delicately, she petted every hair in his head, taking extra care with the baby hairs on his neck. She even scratched him in specific spots, the ones she had learned he responded well, too. When he exhaled deeply and hummed, she knew she had done well. 

“Mein liebe,” he murmured into her. Quietly, they both fell back to the mattress and adjusted appropriately, snuggling into each other in such a manner that only experience with the other’s imperfections and curves could teach. “I love you.” Mozart spoke those words like a prayer before he kissed and nipped at her neck. The fellow composer welcomed every devoted and soft lick and pressed against her, cradling him even tighter. The only time her arms and legs untangled from his was to click off the lamp on the bedside. She returned as fast as she could.

Tchai smiled when she heard Mozart’s breathing slow even more, his lashes tickling against the nape of her neck. While she loved the overprotective, jealous, practically needy Mozart during the day, there was something oddly comforting about times like this. When all he craved was her touch and comfort, or he only got by with the idea that she was waiting. It was an ego boost, of course, but after a lifetime of underestimation, it was rewarding to have someone rely on her for once. “I love you, too.” Tchai nuzzled into him one final time, a desperate attempt to be with more of her partner, then closed her eyes while her cheek squished against the top of his head.

#koco talks ikevamp #ikemen vampire #ikevamp #ikevamp oc: tchai #ikevamp mozart #ikevamp mozart x tchai #ikevamp fanfic

[layraket]

Creatures Gang as random videos pt 2!

spent time recollecting a lot of videos to put together with this AU while im working on it, still have others for a 3rd part! if you sent me some videos that'll go well together with some of the creatures i will love you forever tho /p

Sorry Fairy Rulie lovers i couldn't really find where to put my special boy :( he will appear more often in the things that im working on tho!

part 1

#linked universe #linkeduniverse #linked universe memes #Creatures Gang #im not tagging them all #i dont know when i'll post all the other things #the institute is giving me lots of troubles not only academics lol #videos

[lucalicatteart]

Finally finished my weird hanging painting thing (originally a secondhand partially-done 'paint by numbers' kit that I found at a thrift store and kept to repurpose lol)! Imagery somewhat based in my own worldbuilding projects, and text written in my constructed language for one of my fantasy species, but also vaguely inspired by old tapestries and illuminated manuscripts and etc. I've never been great at neat clean patterning or text, but it looks cool from afar, and I always enjoy making "props" or things that are somewhat like real objects that might could exist in my world. :0

(additional pictures/info under the readmore)

-

Here's what it was originally! I probably didn't have to actually have a river running down the middle because it further makes the composition of the whole thing weird (various connected yet separate locations and things happening, instead of one unified event being portrayed), but I wasn't sure if I'd be able to fully cover up the already existing paint that was there.. and I can also kind of justify it by going with a more "all the imagery is just symbolic so it doesn't have to make exact sense" approach lol.. How is one half of the grass green and the other is suddenly snowy? shhhh.. it's not literal.. shhh...

Made a vague sketch, then painted over it, and then added more distinct lines in black pen. Center image first and border second.

The very last thing was the text, which actually took forever to translate because my conlang is still only like.. partially done, and some of the grammar is not worked out exactly how I would like it to be, so a few sentences I had to think about for a long time before just going "eh, this is probably not how I would do it if I considered it more, but I'll go with it for now" lol . I also am not entirely satisfied with all of the characters for the writing system, but again, it's good enough for a quick project, it doesn't have to be 100% accurate and perfect because it's a fake language that nobody knows anyway lol.

I thought about breaking down the text and translation here like I have for some of the tidbits of Avirrekava (the language) in things I've posted in the past, but I think it would take too long and is not interesting to anyone but me ghghj, so for the sake of getting the post out quickly, I shall not spend an hour typing All That lol.

The general jist of the writing though is that it's just about the Avirre'thel being cast out from the other elves, after abandoning their magic for immortality as a means to truly attain perfection (an important concept in elven culture), the usual, blah blah blah, but how it's Actually A Good Thing, because the gods are wrong and immortality is Cool actually and they like the shitty frozen lands they were sent to, so it's fine that everyone else is being a Hater about it lol

Lastly, here's a few photos outside in the sun to TRY and show the gold detailing actually shimmering or showing up! It really doesn't come through in photos, but there's plenty of little golden spots to highlight light or Importance.

Mostly the fire, the pink sparkle that represents magic, the red drop that represents blood, the light behind Inaashi's hands and head (common symbol for the elven religion/one of their main gods, shout out to anyone who read the ancient elven religion post and recognized that lol), the sun, and the symbol for the Avirre'thel/country of Navyete at the very top. I did a few other gold bits, but they're not highlighted because they're Significant, more just that it looked more symmetrical to have some gold on the border too lol.

Other things of note: The animals are not actually significant to Avirre'thel culture really, I just wanted to put a cat and a bird because I like them lol. (I also wanted to have a few funny looking creatures, as I was slightly trying to go with the 'in some old medieval painting the anatomy and perspective is very weird' vibe, though I think some of the other parts of it look too Normal to pull it off entirely). Same with the four leaf clover, which means nothing in their culture - but these are the only areas where stuff was just added self-indulgently .

Bligabata (giant cabbage that grows along rivers in Navyete) making an appearance! The architecture of the building IS based on actual concepts for ancient elven/older Avirre'thel architecture and metalwork. The Avirre'thel who's turning away from Inaashi/elves/magic and collecting blood, is doing so in a Special Bowl, as is part of their culture (collecting it in the hands, or just in a normal vessel would be disrespectful, they have Specific Bowls which is the only thing blood can be kept in, etc.).

The figure that represents Jhevona (and thus, a closer connection to magic, celestial imagery, etc.) is in weird ugly teal, which is not necessarily a color or design associated with them, as I don't have much common culture (like clothing) worked out for Northern Jhevona (who the avirre'thel would have come into contact with) yet, BUT everyone else is in more Typical colors (a northern elf in green, Inaashi in lavender + white + blue, an Avirre'thel in darker purples and reds).

Some things, like the four figures in the corners, and the two people + fish in the stream, do not currently have a meaning, but in-world they would.. Like, I could make up lore for how they're culturally significant and it would be true because I am god of the world, but I don't have anything currently. But just know.. they DO mean something, I just haven't decided it yet, maybe kind of fill in as I go, come up with a meaning later lol. Probably along the lines of an old myth from the ancient elven religion, a story, etc.

-

I don't know, probably other stuff, but that's my Trying To Keep It Short rambling for now lol. I'm just glad I finally finished this! For how vaguely sloppy it is up close (everything being completely freehanded, only used rulers once when doing the initial sketch and lining where the border should be + my hands are shaky + the canvas is bumpy + my handwriting is scratchy and terrible + etc. etc.) it still took a REALLY long time, even when not trying to make it all perfect. Especially if including the text translation + writing, which took like 3+ hours itself.

Maybe all the asymmetry/lack of things being centered is NOT because I was too lazy to measure anything, but is actually because in-universe, it's a practice illustration made by some young apprentice who has to work on little canvases for years before he can be trusted will a full sized mural or tapestry. It's his first week on the job! of course he's uncoordinated! don't laugh at him!!! lol

#worldbuilding #elves #I AM WORKING ON A NEW PAVENTURE POST also !!!! I know I keep being like 'oh I'm going to get back to that! I'll stick to it this time!!' #and then another whole month goes by without me posting a new poll adventure - however - this time I DID fully intend to so #*do another one soon but my beloved beautiful perfect cat unfortunately passed away AND there was a heat #wave ANd I felt sick for a while for unrelated reasons so I just genuinely was not focused on posting online at all #I am trying to get back to it though along with other things hopefully so. #ANYWAY #avirre'thel #irithoas #maybe???? not super relevant to elves but I'll keep it intheir tag anyway also. Just since their lore is so closely tied with avirre'thel s #stuff and they're mentioned in the post. Or the gods are. Inaashi is. #OIGUGUGUGUHH I should have done a tapestry with the FCJhjkING triplets!!!!! Sehalanora Semoniyare and the other one whatever the hell #his name is. ... sehalanora my beloved .. (I'm referencing the ancient elven gods - for those who dont know) #It's funny that I rarely watch tv shows and when I do I rarely if EVER care about characters at all in any capacity #with maybe like a handful of even then extremely minor exceptions so I cannot relate to the concept of like 'having a blorbo' or whatever #but then for my extremely niche worldbuilding content #.. it's like OMG MY FAVORITE character!!! my favorite obscure god from a religion #that I entirely made up myself for a cultural group that I also made up that literally only I and maybe like two other #people who are able to sit through my novel long dry and wordy worldbuilding posts care about!! you all know them DUH!! #even WITHIN modern elven culture in the world at the moment in current day most people do not give a shit about them hghj #BUT .. I should have made a painting of the siblings actually!!! I stand by that!! #I mean I like Inaashi and Nisateyu and everything too. Actually all of them are fine except for Ea'ivuyera I guess. whoever the #like War and Order bootlicker god is basically. and the Evil dumbass one. but all the others are fine. I'm suprised I'm even able to rememb #that many ancient elven goofily long names ghgh.. But I could have maybe made it about the elven gods #The thing is just that.. i Don't have ancient elvish worked out as a language and I knew I wanted to put text on it #so it kind of HAD to be something written/drawn by the Avirre'thel #Knwoledge of the ancient elven gods is still a thing in their culture. But usually more as a joke or just a common fairytale knowledge #sort of thing. not really something to make a painting of. Inaashi is here less because of Inaashi The God being genuinely significant and #and more just she's there to Symbolize the elven religion as a whole. just like all the other figures are mere symbols of things. etc.

[bueris]

okay maybe I should seriously reconsider my path in life and sell my soul to marketing or journalism instead

#okay venting in the tags you are very welcome to ignore or not respond to it i just need to yell somewhere #i always thought id be an art therapist because well i care about people and want to help them and love art #but everyday i wake up feeling like a fraud and an imposter so like. should i really be doing all that when im not entirely #certain i cpuld handle it??? like i know i haven't gotten the meaty bit of the education towards that yet but like #university costs a disgusting amount of money here and if i pick the wronf thing im likely doomed forever thanks to awful government #i know things could get better like they did after thatcher but honestly im not putting any bets on it considering how the current labour #party is so like if i fuck up here im basically dead #also can i actually do art uni. like could i cope with that. im deeply unethused with art at the moment and honestly will i evwr be #idk #it was jusr a thing i always did but education around it is fucking soul sucking #also the emotional weight of hearing and solving people's problems as a therapist. i would consider myself quite empathetic for the most #part i feel other people's pain quite strongly and obviously as a therapist id be feeling that quite a bit so could i actually cope with it? #ik therapists have therapists but still #i mean im doing work experience at an occupational therapy place so ill just be extra inquisitive about it all to make sure im going #the way i wanna #I'll be fine by the end of a levels ill probably understand what i want in life #if not then gap year to work it out #should probably look at unis for english language too then #sigh #ucas website i may as well marry you #ill be okay im getting in my head about stuff im actually pretty good at art even if there are things i can improve on (like patience lol) #yeah maybe the voice telling me i suck doesnt know shit and should shut up #yeah #shut it nasty voice you're wrong actually!!! im doing just fine and you're being overly critical #they should make a brain that's your friend and not mush that hides the amalgamation of every bad thing ever in its crevices #crevices shoyild be filled with kindness and love. #sex jokes about that #why the fuck is yahoo mail syncing i dont use you you washed up search engine #bue waffling #vent post

[sundial-bee-scribbles]

meadowsweet

#my art lol #my ocs #lucian #floral #floral aesthetic #muted colors #off white #green #pink #yeah i have. no fucking idea what to tag this lmfaooo 😭😭 i never know what to tag my original shit its just. here #i'd tag it fashion or smthn but idk that outfit is. not 100% historically accurate at all. lookin at those shorts and thigh high socks LOL #this was inspired by some stuff i saw when looking up victorian fashion on here! not a canon outfit for him rip but let him wear smthn nice #also yeah meadowsweet is supposed to be that flower he's holding. it has no actual significance in his story its just here for aesthetic #but it does carry the meaning of 'uselessness' so that's fun :) #i just felt like drawin smthn w/ him again ive been thinking abt him and the other protagonist shitheads again... thangs. #i have this one text post idea thing i wanna make but i'll see if i get around to it. SOBBINGGG I DONT WANT SUMMER TO B OVER #also i think my inbox is finally not broken??? thats unrelated tho

[elftwink]

just saw a mildly irritating post that talked about seeing takes about how sdv is actually bourgeoisie or whatever (am not reblogging because the rest of the post was honestly kind of unrelated and i want to talk about this sdv claim w/o derailing the rest of it) as if that take popped out of the void when i know for a fact that that take specifically is a response to the much more common "stardew valley is actually a leftist anti-capitalist utopia" type takes, a thing that is even less true about stardew valley than claiming it's bourgeoisie

like. the double standard of making completely detached from reality statements about how left-wing the ideals of stardew are, and then claiming people making the opposite take are armchair activists like... you don't think claiming that you play sdv because it fits totally with your leftist values (rather than that you play it because it's cute and fun or any other thing you are probably actually choosing to play it based on) is a form of armchair activism? isnt it more weird to need everything in your life to perfectly align to your politics, not in the sense that you select your pastimes based on those politics, but that you select them based on non-political criteria & then insist to everyone that Actually This Is Based On My Politics even when we can all plainly see that it's not???

stardew valley is a little farming sim. whether you like to play it or not says nothing about your irl politics. but literally just by looking at what you do in the game, which is produce things so you can sell them to make more things, you guys cannot seriously be claiming THIS is your anti-capitalist utopia and get weirdly mad and project this sense of armchair activism onto people who point out that it just literally isn't. sdv is a lot of things, but anti-capitalist is so totally not one. and i have no interest in explaining the intricacies of how the sdv farmer could be capitalist when they throw joja out of town, because frankly i have seen other posts about that and i have yet to see anyone involved in arguing for #sdvleftistutopia demonstrate any understanding of like. well like even the most basic understanding of class dynamics or that the word bourgeoisie has a specific meaning that is distinct from 'rich person' or 'ceo of corporation'.

also everyone takes it wayyyy personal like saying that sdv isn't anti-capitalist somehow translates to saying anyone who plays sdv and is anti-capitalist is actually a FAKE LEFTIST BETRAYING THEIR VALUES which is just not what anyone is saying ever and acting like they are kills the conversation dead. the conversation that YOU STARTED by claiming sdv was leftist or whatever

inb4 anyone gets on my ass about letting people do what they want, i LOVE stardew valley. i have played more than 1000 hours of stardew valley. if pointing out that sdv is capitalist makes you shit your pants then actually i kind of think you are a fake fan. what was all this about the spreadsheets to maximize efficiency. just like think for even 20 seconds about what you do in the game and how it may actually clash with your irl politics and hope for the world and ultimately imo that will make you a much better leftist than insisting that everything you do is actually already leftist simply because it makes you feel nice and cozy. niceness and coziness are not correlated in any way with 'correct' politics and the sooner you internalize that without viewing it as an attack on the things in your life that are nice and cozy the less we will have to have stupid conversations like this

also last thought it's totally your prerogative to turn off your brain and not think about politics while gaming but if that's your position then don't get on tumblr dot com to claim these things are leftist (how would you know, your brain was off) and also when people kept their brains on (regardless of what their conclusion was about the internal politics of sdv, or for that matter any media) and are trying to talk about it to each other, don't annoyedly get on your high horse about how actually you shouldn't have to turn your brain on. you don't have to. stop talking to me about it if you won't though.

#good idea generator #might be a limited time post this is the stupidest hill to die on ever #but im not dying yet. im standing on this hill for sure rn but if someone comes to kill me for it i'll just leave #im just. we're not going to pretend that a swath of people are calling sdv problematic. i cant do that #when i KNOW what happened is a bunch of people specifically tried to claim it was anti-capitalist. when it just isnt #and then when other people were like no its not. oh NOW we can talk about how silly it is to read politics into a farming sim!! #'video game politics are so serious when i think they align with my values but when i dont everyone who is talking about them is silly #and how come they arent talking about Real Problems? why wasn't i talking about real problems you say uhm uhhhh well' #and nobody is even calling sdv problematic a bunch of people are claiming OTHER people are calling it problematic!!! #(also also to address the real problems point. i firmly believe you can care about multiple things at once #and because of that. some of those things will be less important than others. and you will still care about them #i think this is true for all people which is why no one ever says Real Problems #like that unless they are losing an internet debate. usually one that they started. whataboutism central)

[kellystar321]

.

#periodical life updates #genuinely about to write a whole post explaining wxs ship dynamics because they ALL work well together. i love them <33 #i have a LOT to say about emurui specifically. i know the big ship in this group. i get it! people /love/ the gays. but emurui is so cool #from the small things (rui understands what emu means when she says ''BANG-POP-WOOSH!'') to big things (their parallel arcs in WxS) #just! nene and tsukasa going to be big worldly actors and emu and rui curling in on the memories in the bubble of the wonderstage #how long will it last. how long do they still have together. they don't want to hold their friends back but this was everything to them. #do you THINK ABOUT THEM!! believe me i love every connection in this polycule but i need more people to think about emurui hdkjdh #anyway moving on. i have lgbt club tomorrow and a bunch of deadlines are definitely closing in :/ ive got a lot to do and i DONT WANT TO. #i definitely want to start the queue up again ive got a lot of things in there i want to reblog <33 #i want to start on that eca comic again. waughh theres a lot. there's always a lot. oh well. we'll get through it. #idk what else to update on other than ''im really busy'' ''i'll restart queue'' and ''i think emurui is cool'' so i guess thats it!! #see u ily!!

[caffeinatedopossum]

Yknow... I've spent so long focusing on me- what *I* want, what *my* reason for being alive is, that I think I completely forgot I can never separate my life from others- no matter where I look, other people are always at the core of what's important to me. Like yknow what? Maybe I don't want to be alive, maybe I don't see the value in life and it means nothing to me- but other people do. Other people *want* to live, for reasons that I simply don't have. And I think if me dying, or just trying to explain to explain how I think and feel even, would make that worse for someone else, then I don't want to. Because they deserve to keep the things that matter to them. Because I don't have a lot of faith in the meaning of life or hope that I'll have a happy future... but what I do have is faith in other people. Even if I shouldn't, I do and I'm not sorry for it.

#even if all ill ever get from other people in the end is disappointment #at least disappointment isnt the worst thing that life can throw at me #maybe if it happens- if when the day comes that i have to die and every last person has let me down- maybe ill have to accept it #but until that happens i wont accept it at all #ive already been let down by too many people to count. by stranger who dont even know I exist #and i know all of you readjng this have too. if anyone is reading this #but maybe i havent... maybe one of you has faith in me. and maybe thats enough to make it not matter how shitty other people are sometimes #because i know thats true for me. i look up to a handful of people and thats so important to me #idk... this feels egotistical. i doubt im anyones source of hope like that. but who cares #this train of thought doesnt feel complete but i know from oast experiences that if i have even the slightest sort of #*positive* breakthrough then i have to write it down IMMEDIATELY while im still feeling the feelings of it #otherwise I'll never be able to grasp the concept again #so i hope this serves its purpose even if its not the most coherent post 😅

[skrunksthatwunk]

kind of funny whenever (and this happens quite often) someone older than me is like "yeah the world aka US politics went to shit in 2016 it wasn't this ridiculous and bizarre before aaaa it feels different" because whether i Would agree or not is hampered by the fact that i was roughly 11 at the time. like i'll take your word for it boss o7 bc i was a zygote in terms of political awareness. my ass was not paying attention enough before so i have no previous era to compare it to. i was thinking about hex bugs or something that whole time idk

#of course ive been learning more about politics (current and past) since then and have more technical knowledge #but this post is about like. the feeling/experience of it yknow? how politics FELT rather than how they were #because politics kinda seems ridiculous to me in general but i figure the whole '2016 = first election you followed' thing might have a #teensy bit of bias there. just a little #and when my parents and grandparents and auch have said it i assumed it was probably a liberal-not-paying-attention thing #but ive had multiple professors who are about as left-leaning as one can be while still being vaguely capitalist (well. ig i dont know for #one of them. she might be a socialist? anyway) express the same thing so ive been thinking about it some more #I'll never know because i can never be there as an older better informed me but i still wonder sometimes how this like. may or may not have #fried my brain (and many others my age) growing up in that era. like anti-sjw stuff was the first political stuff i Actually consumed. #which is NOT GOOD FOR YOU. anyway my point is i think it probably messed me up but i don't know and may never know. thats all

[pekoeboo]

hhh i've had like. no drive to work on any art or writing projects. ;n; my heart is still so invested in the stories and characters I've created, but the motivation to take those feelings and put it into some form of content is next to nil. i don't know why it's been like that but it's kinda sad :c

don't get me wrong - i'm happy with most of the things i've created lately, but it's also been this strange game of doubt and comparison going on in my head when it comes to actually sharing what I make. there are a lot of pieces of art and writing that i just haven't posted because i feel like it's not in a place where it's good enough for anyone other than myself. the idea of editing and actually finishing some projects so that i can make sense of them online is overwhelming even tho i would love to just... get some of those ideas out for anyone who might be interested in hearing about them, you know?

anyway. probably just need to let myself take some kind of break?? idk what that would really entail at this point tho. it's just been a weird mental state that I need to work out i guess.

#so like. not quite a hiatus but some Secret Other Thing #i'm hoping the motivation to actually finish projects and share them will come back to me #but right now i think i need to either just focus on drawing or writing stuff without any intention of sharing it #or maybe i shouldn't draw/write at all for a while instead #but i'd still love to talk about the characters and stories with y'all?? #unfortunately that really only seems to work best within like personal messages between friends or whatever #i've tried posting random content about characters on here but it feels weird without any art to go along with it #(like when i wrote that post about khalan's backstory that one time) #so i just dont talk about them at all outside of that because i can't tell if ppl would actually want to hear about them #and even if ppl do i have no idea where to start without any prompts or specific questions to build off of kdjfg #anyway #i'm rambling now oops #dont know what the point of this post is but i'll probably delete it eventually #my ramblings #text post

[britneyshakespeare]

re: my last long personal post about the day i had at work today

i'm sorry like i just can't get over it, i can't get over it. i am not there to be ogled, i am not there to be objectified. i'm not there to be a petting zoo or a table. i'm not there for any of it. i feel different enough at work for my age and position.

i'm VERY aware little boys have crushes on me. every now and then, one of them makes it very obvious. it's seriously nothing to me, because it's always been respectful. kids have crushes on adults, especially young ones. but i have no more intention of being a seductress than i would if i were fifty and married. i just so happen to be 25 and single. oh well. i am equally disinterested, and would like to be presumed as equally disinterest-ing. if i get a little unfair halo effect sometimes, i don't care.

it has literally never been so sexual in nature before. it has never been so much about my body, my legs. i worry about the reaction to this being dampened by the effect of the other adults around me seeing that and being like, well, yeah, if he's gonna be interested in anyone's legs, it'll be hers. i feel embarrassed calling attention to the fact that a kid is attracted to me. it has always, always been a non-issue before this. it has always been innocent and respectful of my role as the adult.

i wanna say i don't worry about this happening again, because it is a first. it is a first for me in four years, with dozens if not hundreds of kids, that i've been treated so inappropriately by a child. i worry about this being seen as more natural because it happened to me. but it's not natural just because it happened to me. i'm the teacher that a lot of kids have little crushes on, whatever. i'm not the teacher kids get to pinch and gawk at; that's never happened.

if this happened to me and i were fifty and married, would it be more scandalous? would i just, perhaps, not be believed? i don't know. i don't know. i keep going down these thought spirals of why me. what is the reaction people have to it being me? because while the few people who saw/heard about this seemed not to condone it, they don't seem shocked either. but it hurts, it does, because i'm shocked. that it happened to me. it's like i don't really know if people can put themselves in my shoes more than they can put themselves in his.

a young woman being treated at her place of work as a piece of meat is offensive, but it's everyday. it's banal. a teenage boy having a preoccupation with an adult woman that he can't see as fully human also so normalized. it just feels like an unempathetic view for me is all i can expect. when i already experienced this alone. AND i have to be the one to take responsibility and make others aware about it. because it's not like he was going to... somebody had to. and oh, look, i'm the adult. that makes me somebody.

like i don't even want him to be "punished" per se. i just want to be assured that steps will be taken to stop him from objectifying more women and girls in the future. holy shit, WHAT if he does this to a girl his age? would he? i don't know. i don't know the kid well. i have an idea of why he targeted me, but i don't know what he wouldn't do to someone who was more of his equal. i can't speak for or predict that.

it's just fucking humiliating. hi yeah i'm the substitute from friday. yeah i'm the one he couldn't keep his hands off of. cuz i dared to wear a skirt. yeah, same skirt i've worn to work with kids a bajillion times in the past four years. yeah i guess i was just so seductive. like give me a break; i don't want to receive any more attention for this but it just feels like i'm gonna. i don't know what kind of response i'm going to get to the email i wrote the regular para.

i don't know if i'm gonna have to elaborate further. i feel like i shouldn't have to. i gave her all the details somewhat unemotionally; it just stings the more and more since i got out of work. like i just can't believe that really happened. and the shock was dulled while it was happening, because i didn't believe it was happening. the more hours go by the more i'm like, well, yeah, i did the right thing: escaping that situation as promptly as i could, telling another adult, and emailing the permanent teacher about it.

i keep wanting to act unaffected by it. but i'm just so offended and dismayed. i also feel powerless, because i couldn't be the one to get him to stop. something about my presence to him was an invitation to treat me that way, and my not being amused did not deter him. it feels like the interpretation he had of me was not at all in my control. he wanted to view me as an object, and so i was one in his eyes. the other teachers can scold him for that, make him feel bad for that, but i can't. i'm not really the authority. i'm just the pretty one.

#cont #long post #tales from diana #yeah i'm gonna be in a bad mood about this for who knows long #this was just today. hahaha funny thing is i'll definitely remember this for years! #idk. i have a feeling the principal will reach out to me if nothing else. definitely the permanent teacher will #but i dont really know that permanent teacher well so i have noooo idea what to expect #i got mixed reactions from the other two paras i was working with today when i told them #and again thank god for that social studies teacher who didn't try to draw attention to it but helped me create some distance #between the kid who kept grabbing me and calling me pretty while i was just trying to give him instructions #i was told this is new behavior from him. well the first time better be the last time. that's all i can say

[pulchrasilva]

Having people you care about who are suicidal while you're not suicidal is truly a special torture I think I want to go back to wanting to kill myself im gonna throw up

#vent post #it's just. knowing theres no quick fix or surefire solution because there never was for /you/ #it feels a little hopeless yknow? like what can i do really? how can i singlehandedly restore your faith in the world? #how can i stop your body from causing you constant pain? #i literally cant. and im not good at handling the fact that i cant do much #doesnt help that last time a friend tried to kill themself i sorta didnt see or didnt take note of the warning signs #now someone is letting me see all the warning signs it's setting off the 'THIS IS WAY WORSE THAN LAST TIME ALARMS' and idk if thats true #but its really putting me on edge about it #for forever i was used to knowing people who want to kill themselves but dont ever take action to do it #which is miserable and terrible but it's not particularly scary #PLUS doesnt help that by coincidence i was remembering other horrible miserable things that happened after my friend tried to kill themself #and my brain loves to imagine what mjght happen if they /do/ try to kill themself. what I'll do when i find out. whay ill do if they succeed #i dont really want to think about it but we're thinking about it i guess #hey isnt it kinda funny that my parents /still/ dont know my friend tried to kill themself that night #and i got yelled at for being antisocial while i was sobbing and sick with grief and unable to get out of bed #oh im gonna throw up. anyway #dont mind me im mostly ok #feeling a little sick but i can manage

[dandyshucks]

if I try to mess with the eyes on the first one anymore I'm going to lose my mind DBDNDML so here have some self insert art,,,, also the houndoom was largely copied from someone else's art (dvixie/SkyVixie on deviantart, the art seems to have been taken down from their gallery though, I just found the art on pinterest and then had to track down the artist fjfkdl idk why ppl repost art with no credit 😭), I was trying to just get a feel for drawing them so I figured (HEAVILY) referencing someone else's piece would be alright for this sort of personal art thing!!

#aaaand I'll turn off rbs too djdksl i dont want to take any credit for that houndoom #i changed a couple minor things but dbfkdl it rly is just me looking at that other person's art and trying to draw it myself #it was good for getting a feel for how to draw them though!!! this was before the other art featuring houndoom i did a while ago #so i think it helped a lot to be able to draw houndoom again on my own this time fjfkdjdl #gave me a feel for placement and anatomy and whatnot #i know copying is largely considered to be Bad in the art community but if u do it the right way i think it can be beneficial to ur art #u just have to be careful and not claim credit for it fjdkl like... idk be smart and respectful #i think this is the first time I've ever done smth like this actually SNDKSL #the closest i get to copying is using free-to-use pose bases occasionally and even then i sometimes clarify in the tags that im using one #every day i fear someone will walk up and show all the drawings I've used free-to-use pose bases for #and be like AHA. I'VE FOUND YOU OUT. YOU'RE A FAKE ARTIST!!!! #and its like... no... i just like using free-to-use pose bases sometimes DBDJDKL #takes out the work of figuring out posing sometimes when im tired of coming up w my own fjfkdl #ANYWAYS. RAMBLE OVER SORRY SNDJFKDL #moral of the story: if u copy art just do it in a respectful and clear way and don't take credit for it when its not yours sbdjdksl #okay im going to skedaddle off this post before i stick my foot in my mouth if i havent already djdkdls WAUGH i am afraid of posting this #but i want to share self insert stuff somewhere sjfjdkl and i like the human posing i did on the second one so... SIGH. #dandy.cmd #doodlebug.png #junebug 🪲

[lanayrutower]

i'm about to throw hands with this yt poll.

this is the zelda version of that twitter butch post to me.

#the best zeldas arent even here!!! if og 'i was like 8 y/o when i SHATTERED the triforce and hid it ALONE in a monster infested land' zelda #and st 'the only one with a character arc u see play in real time & goes from i'll wait here to i will STAB malladus with my own 2 hands #and alone if i have to' zelda were here they'd obliterate the competition. maybe not in votes but just in terms of correctness #BUT EVEN IN THIS CASE. ur not voting for ms. 'i saw my family home and kingdom be systematically destroyed over the course of 7 years & #stood back up said no & changed my ENTIRE self to try to save everyone largely on my own for 7! years! as a child!! only to at the end of #it all be the only person who can truly empathise with the hero who had his childhood stolen from him and return it even though i will #never have mine again'???????????? #or even ms. 'i was normal & happy & loved until i wasnt and i learnt i was the orchestrator of my own and everyone else's misery because im #not even myself & im so much bigger yet lesser than who i thought i was and if i cannot be divine then i will be less than worthless i will #be a blight who couldnt execute the plan i had tossed everyone into and they will have lived in my lie and died for nothing so i will be #divine even if that means sealing myself away for an eternity. even if i will never know happiness the way i did again'???????? #i cant say anything about twipri. i barely remember her bc i watched that playthrough ages ago and she was barely in the game idk what ur #voting for #but botw???????? /BOTW/????????????????? #girl wasnt even the best princess in her own game and she only had one other competitor smh #(<-THAT'S A JOKE. THAT'S A JOKE. I AM JOKING.) #this whole thing is half a joke. i love botw zelda (dont look at me like that. i do) and i get why she's winning but like. come on. that's #way too big of a divide. how are oot and skysw losing that much. botw zelda's voice alone should have cost her half her votes #WKSHDKSDHKKA #anyway this whole thing is for funsies so dont be weird on my post ok <3? ive had a shit three days and if being fake mad at a silky video #game poll makes me laugh then that's fair ok? and if you're weird i have the license to explode you with my mind and curse your family for #3 generations ok <333? #freya talks loz

[aropride]

the dentist's office is so scary theyll be like "can i get the #2 probe for the D17 molar" like they're casting evil alien wizard spells on your mouth

#text #i havent been to the dentist since i was like. 16. its very scary and also expensive #yes i know thats bad yes i know i'll be really mad at myself about it in like 5 years. we'll burn that bridge when we get to it #Well actually i went to the orthodontist one time '''''post-'''''covid when i was 17 to get the permanent retainer off my top teeth #Awful awwful experience btw i hate the thing rhey use to like #get the glue off ur teeth. it Hurts and it smells like theyre burning it and its so loud. awful awful awful #i wish i hadnt gotten it off i shouldve known i would not remember to wear my retainer LOL #i could start again now but. pain . and also its annoying to have to wash it all the time #Why do i have special bones i have to take extra care of. its such bullshit. all my other bones are fine with not being BABIED #teeth are just BABIES 🖕 FREELOADERS 🖕🖕🖕 THEY DONT EVEN PAY RENT