#i dont know how to be what i wanted to be when i was 5

[d0llcherry]

۶♡ৎ GILDED LILY ✮⋆˙

✮⋆˙ BLUE DIAMOND OVERLORD READER X ALASTOR

✮⋆˙ WARNINGS/NOTES: this is a remake of an old writing i did in my old account (we don't talk about the original writing.), depression mentions, this is short and not proofread.

۶♡ৎ SONG: I BET ON LOSING DOGS

۶♡ৎ Type: Fluff/light angst, headcanons, romantic/platonic.

ALASTOR ۶♡ৎ

۶♡ৎ You are... unusual to him, you easily could catch his attention the moment you entered the hotel, everyone was kind of astonished by your appearance and calm personality, and that included him, so, you could say you have picked his interest more fast than anyone he ever was interested in.

۶♡ৎ But you also annoyed him in certain aspects, we all know Alastor loves some good old tormenting souls in their weak spots, but you were a case where he had to regulate his teasing, or else he would be greeted by a very saddening aura.

۶♡ৎ Ah yes... your powers are also something i could see him interested in, but not as much as he is to Charlie's, well dont get me wrong but he would easily chose the princess of hell over a just peculiar demon, but you would be his plan B if his plan with Charlie fails, he still keeps an eye on you, especially since you don't die, you poof, now that's something he finds extra interesting.

۶♡ৎ Although, Alastor would find your kindness a bit weak, i mean, cmon honey, you are an OVERLORD! you are so powerful and yet so patient and kind is somewhat a waste of power since you always chooses dialogue rather than going physical, the person could be trying to eat you alive and there you are trying to talk to him, kinda reminds him of Charlie, only difference between you two is that when you want to be cruel you are CRUEL.

۶♡ৎ He finds how calm and collected you can be very admirable , he thinks you are a very pleasant person to be around, since you weren't loud nor depraved in the tiniest like some of the hotel, so Alastor would be rather happy to stay with you, it's quite relaxing to him honestly, having someone who isn't sexually depraved or trying to insult him every 5 words, not that he cares tho, its just tiring to hear so many "jealous souls" trying to get his attention (in his words)

۶♡ৎ You would probably easily grow on him if you tried, all you had to do was keep being calm, quiet and he would already be attached to you like he is to Rosie, the only difference he is a bit more of a collected gentleman since you weren't as agitated and extroverted as Rosie.

۶♡ৎ Now, what can worry him after he grows attached to you is how depressing and destructive you can get when upset or sad, we all saw how mean Blue was before era 3 events, so Alastor will 100% try to ''comfort'' you, saying that crying like that can develop a serious mental illness such as depression.

۶♡ৎ But if anything, he would try to use this emotional deregulation of yours to his advantage, lets be real, Alastor is a clever demon, he wouldn't let a chance like this slip from his fingers easily, but, if he's attached to you enough, he would actually genuinely try to help you.

۶♡ৎ Finds your voice relaxing but wont openly admit it, if you sing or hum something and he's around, he will secretly relax to the sound of you singing or humming, before being interrupted by Angel's obnoxious teasing towards him.

“You are quite divine to me my dear!”

#hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel #hazbin headcanons #hazbin alastor #hazbin x reader #alastor x reader #alastor #headcanons #steven universe #sfw #୨୧ cherry works

[moondwellerthatdwells]

the moon spawn au has me by the throat, please tell me about it. Feel free to rant, I will read it if you do. Also feel free not to answer!

Everytime someone asked me/noticed/or even look at stuff about my au i go ajsjsjsjsjsjjshdjsjjsjdjejs, i will be putting it under the cut incase I got on the dashboard of someone who doesn't want to scroll through a whole wall! (an extra one year old doodle for you)

In order to keep myself from exploding i will put in one section and explained some stuff because I dont know where to start

The protectiveness of Moonstone, more stuff to do with Cassandra.

(Note that i will call the Moonstone, the rock She/it, you can call her whatever i just use this)

One thing to be clear Moonstone doesnt like Cass, no not one bit. Like previous posts i mentioned that Its constantly and slowly draining away Cassandra's energy and therefore life, that's how desperate Moonstone is to get away.

But! She likes Varian! Why? Well Varian is a perfect holder to her, he's in a state of panic and is easy to influence, and he's quick, and has a good relationship with the Sundrop! That's all she needs! She's keeping this one!

So it became protective, of its host, because if this one dies then it'll never reunite with its sun. Time to fix plot holes!

Plot hole number one: How did Varian stay alive, wandering for weeks, cold, alone in a forest?

Moonstone drains the life around her to gain energy, keep em going, she's like Varian's life support, or more accurately his own version of adrenaline. There's probably a trail of dead plants, birds and animals in their path.

Plot hole number two: where is Zhan Tiri! And Cassandra!

Cassie's injured and later on arrested when Rapunzel and the gang found her while looking for the missing alchemist. She's unconscious the whole time, woke up in a special cell because Rapunzel doesn't want to put her in the dungeons.

Zhan Tiri stuck close to Cass, she's not completely useless yet! If things get out of hands then possession is the way to go(also Zhan Tiri cant stay near Varian for more than 5 seconds without alerting the Moonstone and blasted away by the sheer power of "DONT TOUCH THE CHILD")

Plot hole number three: what happened after Varian found his way back?

Previous post! Sun managed to soothe the Moon temporarily. And right afterward Varian regains his consciousness, looks around, looks at himself, his bloody hand and then faints.

I like to keep the classic cartoon humor breaks.

They can't remove the Moonstone out of his hand, and it goes crazy whenever Rapunzel is not near. Still gotta use a lost incantation to calm it down. Now where to find it...

And how did black rocks sprout directly from Varian's body?

Under his clothes there's a thin layer of black rock armor . He cant control it, the Moonstone just does whatever she wants, even when Varian is used to the Moon powers he still cant control it.

#excited explodes!!!!! #tangled the series #tts #rapunzels tangled adventure #varian #tts varian #tangled #tts cassandra #moonstone varian #tts rapunzel #moonspawn au #moon varian #mom the dweller is howling again

[sirenjose]

So I've been really into your analysis lately and I'm a huge fan now, wanted to ask some questions, feel free to not answer any

1- what was your favourite idv story/event to analyze?

2- your least fav of the latter?

3- are you into anything else besides idv?

4-how do you find the motivation to analyze stuff? I've tried before and it was very draining :')

Thanks for your time, hope you have a lovely day

I'm very happy to hear you're enjoying yourself despite my own low opinion about much of what I put out. I'll do my best to answer!

Hmm I always dislike picking favorites because I'm bad at picking eheh... But the ones I liked most... I honestly enjoy T&I and COA (1-5) even more than the main story. So I think I might pick... Atropos' Ropes for T&I and for COA, thats harder... 3-5 are my faves but I might pick 4 just because of how it felt it had the most story/details given than all the rest. Even the *SONG* had story. I loved it.

Least fave, eh... Orfeo and Zinaida immediately come to mind, though Orfeo I'd say was worse... COA 1 is another primarily because of how DIFFICULT it was for me to figure it out enough to put together an analysis. And I had to rewrite that thing at LEAST 3 times to the point I'm just hoping it's good enough and leaving it alone. Time of Reunion I think is another that comes to mind, mainly because I didn't appreciate how they treated Norton in there, especially in the videos (but at least those aren't canon like the in-game event was). So based on all that, I might say Orfeo if I really had to pick 1. Then rank ToR 2nd and Zinaida/COA1 3rd.

FF14 and Honkai Star Rail especially I'm playing actively these days, but I honestly like a lot of stuff. Like Persona (espeially 4), 999 aka Zero Escape, and Star Ocean Til the End of Time. Least in terms of games.

Hmm... Maybe because the 1st reason I play a game is because of the story, and gameplay is always 2nd to me. If the story and characters are good, that gets me interested. Issue with IDV is we only get bits and pieces. Really need to look deeper to really understand some of the characters. I actually only started analyzing because I challenged myself (partially out of curiosity for the answer) to see if I could prove if Norton wasn't as evil as people thought (based on all the comments I saw when I 1st joined the fandom a long while ago). From there, there was Jose who I wanted to analyze because he honestly had so many plot holes I couldn't (and still can't completely) solve. So I get the most enjoyment analyzing something that doesn't have a clear answer. Which is why I don't always post for every letter. A big part of it is I enjoy history and culture and such, so it's fun for me to learn about different foods, or time periods, or how bad the environment was for miners or sailors back in the day, etc... I dont think I have an easy answer (I can see I'm rambling). Norton I actually only began to like because I was spending so long working on my 1st analysis for him (and my perfectionism made me analyze all of Norton's essences before i could call it finished). Jose was because I love Captain Hook, and then after because of the plot holes that bothered me. Then for others, I think I enjoy making analyses to... try to sometimes change people's opinoions/beliefs. Like with Margaretha or Vera. With Edgar was because I was more interested in his story and him as a character only once I put together all his lore. Sort of goes on from there. I could ramble on but I'm going to get even more guilty. I hope this helps somewhat, but let me know if it doesn't and I'll keep going. Maybe the simple is A) I like history/culture/research, B) I like to convince people that certain characters arent as evil as they think or change beliefs I think aren't quite accurate, C) I like solving puzzles and I love story, D) I already think too hard about literally everything, and combined with my perfectionism, we get analysis

[anxsity]

on who we thought we shouldve been

Florist, "Vacation" // Doc Luben, "14 Lines from Love Letters or Suicide Notes" // Donna Tartt, "The Secret History" // Warsan Shire, "To Swim with God"

#webweaving #florist #doc luben #donna tartt #warsan shire #releasing this from my cave. the hoard. #it doesnt have to be perfect it just has to be finished it doesnt have to be perfect- #anyway. #i dont know how to be what i wanted to be when i was 5

[puppyeared]

its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously

#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to #im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but #because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of #exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something #and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh #and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing #because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant #even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still #its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn…. #if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about #I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird #maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel #a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t #I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to #be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol #idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week #had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting #yapping #does this count as vent #vent #Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

strangling my past self How Did You Write Reasonably Sized Fics So Easily

#IVE FORGOTTEN HOW TO NOT GET CARRIED AWAY HELP #sitting here with scenes that should NOT BE 5 THOUSAND FUCKING WORDS LONG HELLOOOOOOOOO #my brain: You Have To Show Every Single Thing. Every Convo. Every Action. They Have To Know #NO! THEY DONT! ITS CLUTTERED AND BORING AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #see this is what happens when you don't write seriously for FUCKIGN MONTHS- #its fine we're fine im Calm #trying to edit my own stuff is like wrangling some Wild Beast with my bare hands #she has horns! i am bleeding from Several large punctures! i will not let go! #absolutely unprompted #past me: bangin out 2k-5k fics that include multiple scenes and conversations each of perfect length #me now: and so this simple 'good morning' exchange will take ten pages- #WAILING WAILING #but god damn i need to create Something i have to i have to #i feel like im losing my mind.... #I WANT TO BE POSTING FIC AGAIN CMON CMON

[skunkes]

observation post but ive found myself doing a lot of "problem solving" for commissions in my sketchbook because it helps me in a way that drawing digitally does not... Now im trying to figure out why that happens and how to bridge that disconnect because well why would it be different. Why is it so different 😭

#like why does it happen #whys it difficult to do thumbnails for stuff digitally #why did i draw 5 hyena heads digitally and not get anywhere but when i did them on paper it made more sense #why can i get proportions down nicely when doing thumbnails on paper but not digitally #i dont get it! ive been using digital for longer too and i always run into these issues #i guess the case could also be made that i think the traditional stuff looks better bc i never make complete pieces in there #like maybe if i drew a full detailed body on paper id struggle just as much #but idk. trying to figure out variations of a character digitally feels so suffocating even if i do it the same way #idk what it is. i want to figure it iut #*out #talkys #i also have always had this insurmountable issue where ill sketch proportions nicely #but as soon as i go to add detail suddenly the head feels too small or something feels off #and when i adjust it it just becomes More Off #i think this just is worse digitally? messes with sense of scale? i really dont know!!! idk how to fix it

[yeyayeya]

Spoilers for Thousand Autumns/Qian Qiu English Volumes 1-3

Reading Volume 1 of Thousand Autumns: hmm I can see the potential for romance, but Yan Wushi is too much of an asshole for me, but maybe later on he’ll grow to like Shen Qiao

Reading Volume 2: Yan Wushi sucks! You betrayed him?? After Shen Qiao called you a friend??? I hate omg WHYYY???

Reading Volume 3: NO WHAT??? YAN WUSHI COME BACK!! Shen Qiao tried to save you after everything wtf don’t go! You would turn yourself in??? BITCH COME BACK DONT GET HURT AGAIN PLEASE

My emotions regarding Yan Wushi have been all over the place I cannot put a name to my emotions regarding him help me

please tell me he is ok I need to read volume 4

#yeyarants #thousand autumns #qian qiu #shen qiao #yan wushi #yanshen #WHY IS HE SO DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND #i have been extremely freaked out over how Shen Qiao and I had the same thoughts regarding Yan Wushi #we basically on the same wavelength regarding him #I DONT KNOW WHAT TO FEEL #I felt very neutral towards him when I finished volume 1 #then extreme hatred and betrayal towards him in volume 2 #and now I feel sad and hopeful that he’s ok because he literally turned himself in help me idk what to feel #YAN WUSHI IS IN LOVE FUCK #I wanted to get volume 5 of erha and volume 3 of yuwu #…but now I need volume 4 of qian qiu #I LOVE SHEN QIAO BUT OMG THE TURMOIL I FEEL REGARDING YAN WUSHI IS SO CONFUSING #DO I LIKE HIM OR NOT IDK #BUT I WANT TO KNOW IF HES OK #*point at Yan Wushi* you sir are a complicated enigma #and I need to know wtf is going inside your brain #I’m so confused I would have been fine hating him but now I feel like a concerned mother wondering where her child is #yan wushi the man that you are #meng xi shi #I can’t read erha or yuwu because I have become invested in this shit HELP ME #I NEED TO KNOW #YAN WUSHI ARE YOU OK??? #im gonna reblog shit after once I’m done because I did not want to know any sorts of spoilers

[sshcomic]

You have given me a great joy in life with your Renkaza au

May I ask, what happened to the rest of the Kamado family? Did they get their canon ending or are they with Nezuko as they try to deal with her new demonification?

oh yay im glad you're enjoying it so far! 🥰

nezuko's actually with her brother in the box, like in canon lol. i just havent drawn her--or inosuke or zenitsu--in the panels we've seen, but they're there!

as for the rest of the kamados... i actually havent decided LOL. my instinct is to save everyone, since this is a light-hearted comic strip, but also i'm not sure i'd be able to reliably write that since it involves more plot than the "stupid jokes loosely following canon" i mostly have written down aha. so i suppose it's a surprise for now, even for myself.

i guess we'll see!

#thanks for the ask 💖 #sorry if this isnt a satisfying answer but i genuinely dont know rn haha #rei replies #ssh extras #like the thing is. the thing is i had like a short emotional 'i see you' moment planned out between renkaza #for when upper six die but if i save the kamados then i feel obligated to save gyu and ume which means id have to rejig that #and i have Ideas for how but they lean into the kind of fluff that feels so divorced from canon idk if i actually want to write it??? #bc i do also love me some angst. hnn. i suppose we'll see how self-indulgent i decide to be about this #but looking at the way im characterizing hakuji u can tell im already being pretty self-indulgent LOL. 😂 #so yeah it's a surprise even for me! but i AM leaning toward the 'everyone lives' route rn. #it's just. upper moons 4 and 5 are much harder to want to save versus upper moon 6 yknow. or even 1 &2. #but it'd be weird to be like 'f those guys in particular' lol. u can see my conundrum. #at the same time... this is my story so i can do what i want to??? hm. #WE'LL SEE.

[srldesigns6277]

.

#personal #sometimes i wish i knew what it was like to be someone people want to talk to #or at least had students who could listen to what i say for just five minutes #god i hate yelling then they say thats all i do when if i talked normally no one fucking listens #then i take it way too hard when they say they dont like me when at least i stepped up to take their class #a class that had already ran off one teacher #but no im too useless because i actually make them do work and tried to have rules #last year was hard but at least i felt fulfilled by the end of the year with all my classes #i have never craved the end of the year so much or as much as i have this year #its not even both classes either its just this one that makes me dread working with them as much as they apparently hate me #sadly i can understand why their teacher left #and i know im not the best replacement since im learning how to teach them as they learn from me #but im just tired #its only a month left but i am so ready to never see any of them again #but depression does as it does and makes me question if im even good enough to get another job #one actually teaching my correct subject that i love #i hope like hell that i get a job and one i really want because i dont want to have to come back to this school #*it has the most substitute jobs #i dont like being loud even if no one believes me i dont like being mean though i know when i have too i just dont feel good enough #if i was i think i would have a job by now i mean im 28 and its been 5 schools in 5 years #sorry being sad on main #if you read this #thanks

[softshuji]

eldest daughter syndrome really do be kicking my ass tbh

#i just find it like so unfair yknow #im the only one who works in myhouse and full time #but i come home and the house isnt clean and i tidy up and sort everything out and tidy the kitchen anf living room after dinner and put #my sister to bed and yk if there was no one else to do these things id understand but #i have 5 brothers all of whom are adults and they dont lift a finger #its not as if any of them work bec they dont and neither does my dad #and im so so so exhausted yk? bec not everything is my job or responsibility #and i keep blaming other things for me getting sick but yknow what maybe i just dont rest enough #and the other day i was upset bec i'd had a tough day at work and i felt unwell and i cleaned up everything after dinner and my brother #said i didnt have a right to be upset bec i “chose” this. like as if i chose to work full time nd do all the chores for a family of 9 #and it just really upsets me bec no one sees an issue with it and im so mad at my mom at rhe same time #constant therapy sessions w her bec shes mad at my dad and wants someone to vent at and then he does the same abt her and my brothers #and im so tired yknow just sososos tired bec she'll complain abt how they dont do anything but then she wont ensure they do either #its just empty complaints whereas she thrust responsibility on me when i was 9 and yet my brothers are 18+ - all but one that is and they #cant even do their own laundry bec she just..... did everything for them all the time but now is mad that they cant do anything. #like yes i know my dad is a failure of a husband and a father i expected that i'll never be a good enough daughter for him and that the onl #thing he has to say about me is that im bringing shame on our family despite everything ive done but come on #im just tired and upset #its hard not to see yourself as a robot or machine when theres little room to be anything else. #and even on a day like today when i dont feel well it never stops and i just keep doing #im sad i want a hug from my gangster bf #oh god i am sorry pls do not perceive me for this #and yk what #thats why i cant stand when people are nice to me bec all i can think of is #i havent done anything to deserve this? i should have to give something in return #or if not #theres something this person must want because why else would they be nice to me when i havent done anything for them #i cannot fathom the concept that someone just wants me because its me #its literally just not possible why would anyone fo that for me

[milf-harrington]

where im at mentally these days: my mum hugged me and said im doing a good job and i burst into tears <3

#i mean it was a little more fleshed out than that #i asked for a hug and she asked if i was okay and i didnt say anything so she said something about me feeling like #untethered. just kind of floating through life. and i said yeah. and she told me im doing a good job like. getting through the day basically #and i cried about it because i dont even know why its so hard #and i feel so shitty all the time because i just feel like a shit person like i dont try hard enough with my nephew #and hes so little and so smart and im so awful and every day im worried hes going to stop liking me bc im still learning how to be. gentle. #because i grew up with yelling and a locked pantry and an older sister who had to raise me #so i dont know how to not yell and not escape into my own world when i cant be bothered #and i have really good days and really terrible days and hes not a Job hes my nephew and i want to treat him like my nephew #and it feels so selfish to say im tired and that its hard and stressful and i dont know what im doing #bc my sister has to do it too and she doesnt get breaks like i do #she doesnt get to just decide to leave for the night - and i mean i dont do that but i have the option #and everyone keeps. like. telling me im doing good and im helpful and my sister especially tells me often shes grateful for me #and it makes me feel Awful bc i feel like i dont do enough and that the stuff i DO isnt good enough and just argh #anyway #vent over i need to go to bed its 1am and i have to get up in 5 hours #captain speaks

[mummer]

just remembered sam loved music and singing and making his own songs just as much as he loves to read like he literally couldve been a SINGER im literally going to jump off a cliff rn im despondent im outraged

#and then when he was singing to baby dickon randyll was like I dont want you near my son. btw. #also the bit where he loved soft velvets.... like he just wants to wear pretty clothes :( and now hes forced to wear black :( #category 5 sam moment #HE'S the song part of the song of ice and fire like you dont get it thats my baby #asoiaf #the thing about sam that's so gender is that like. we literally dont know how he would choose to live his life #because he's never had the opportunity to choose anything. Like yeah i mean. Closet #sorry that the forcibly assigned gender doesnt fit whatsoever and is coerced through abuse. btw. #yahoo answers what does it mean if i dont want to be a man have never wanted to be a man would do anything not to have to be a man

[marblemagnolias]

this morning i woke up and felt the urge to draw these three together for no real reason other than they mainly work as healers in their respective games and also thinking they could get along. maybe. somehow.

#havent played deltarune in over a year. havent played mother 3 in over 5 years. didn't even start Conquest. going off vibes only pals. #im so sorry #also the second generation from fates does NOT exist in my mind. shoo. get out. #elise is wearing a made up op dress but its more or less inspired by baby the stars shine bright ops #man. you can barely see ralsei's face. goddamn. #me when i make stupid crossovers #i just think they could be friends in a sort of way. playing with contrasts and possible scenarios. that kinda stuff #elise and lucas being opposites in terms of background. ralsei not knowing how having siblings feel like. #lucas and elise having a heartfelt talk about family and bonds and familial love. #ralsei and elise comparing themselves in terms of “titles” and talking about morality and what's right to do for your own kingdom or smth. #idk #baabaa im an idiot who needs to play something other than gay sex the videogame (more commonly known as ultrakill) #(fr tho if i dont i think im gonna overdose on this game and also stagnate in terms of viddygamy knowledge and i don't want that :(( ) #mother 3 #lucas mother 3 #ralsei #ralsei deltarune #ralsei dr #ralsei au #(←i suppose? does that count if it's a shitty fusion au????) #deltarune #fire emblem #fire emblem fates #elise fire emblem #nintendo #nintendo fanart #crossover #(←a very shitty one lol) #my art <3

[caffeinatedopossum]

Ed recovery with autism and adhd is so weird.

Like I'll either forget to eat lunch entirely or I'll forget when I ate last and end up eating lunch 3 seperate times instead.

Then sometimes I have to literally ask my girlfriend if I'm hungry because I don't fucking know what my body is feeling ever and she's usually like "Yeah you should eat".

Then when I go to prepare food it's like:

Me: okay body so how much food do you want

Body: hm...m... food...?

Me: yes food. But HOW MUCH

Body: uhh... s e v e r a l

Me: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

And then I end up making too much for me to eat (thank God I'm allowed to not eat all of my food now- I hated that rule so much growing up) but its still so goddamn confusing skgjfjfhff

#wrong #anyway im incredibly thankful for my girlfriend who is so so patient and supportive #the amount of help and support i never realized i need is actually insane #like i genuinely cant function without help because of my autism (and adhd to a lesser degree) #idk its just really nice to not only have help but not feel like i should be ashamed of needing it either #oof i forgot the other thing that happens when i make food is that i prepare it and then by the time its done cooking #i dont even want it anymore -_- like wtf? i literally was JUST hungry #or i wont feel hungry but then as soon as i go to bed and cant make food because everyones asleep #and the lights are all off and im all cozy and sleepy #THEN im starving. my body has the worst timing ever sometimes istg #still not as bad as before recovery though #ive just elected to be a lot more patient with myself #i used to compare my recovery to other peoples never understanding what i was doing #but the truth of the matter was those people i was comparing myself to #had only had eds for like 2-5 years. which is still bad of course but its not applicable to my scenario #they were also neurotypical and cisgender which i also couldnt relate to #the thing is i never learned how to eat properly. before my ed i still wasnt eating enough #because my parents were neglecting me #i only know hunger and i never learned how to eat properly or what being nourished feels like #that means i have to not only relearn things but learn them entirely for the first time #i have to learn what hunger feels like and what being full feels like and when it is and isnt ok to skip a snack #its just really hard learning these things for the first time ar 20 years old #and once i acknowledged that- that it was really hard for me- i think i felt a lot of relief #like im struggling but it makes sense that i am and i wont always feel like thia #one day i will heal. i just needed a little help

[sipsteainanxiety]

ik this has been brought up a lot but the fact that bakugou is so fcking nosey makes me laugh every time LOL

#its so funny to me #hes so stupif i hate him #<- me when i lie #acts like he doesn’t care but he do!!! #he doooo #go to sleep shay it's late o'clock #smthn happens to u that impacts how u behave #and hes eyeing u wanting to know what happened #staring at u when ur not looking or from the corner of his eye #sayin shit like ‘i dont care’ but then hes walking slowly past ur room door trying to eavesdrop on u #and pretending like he wasnt #‘m just fuckin’ walking jeez’ #like shut up!!! u know what u were doing!! #MAN and his head gets bigger when he knows hes the only one who knows one of ur secrets #makes him feel superior LOL #like haha extras eat shit ik things and u dont #pfft #the delirium is getting to me 5 am moment