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#cant even do their own laundry bec she just..... did everything for them all the time but now is mad that they cant do anything.
softshuji
·
4 months
Text
eldest daughter syndrome really do be kicking my ass tbh
#i just find it like so unfair yknow
#im the only one who works in myhouse and full time
#but i come home and the house isnt clean and i tidy up and sort everything out and tidy the kitchen anf living room after dinner and put
#my sister to bed and yk if there was no one else to do these things id understand but
#i have 5 brothers all of whom are adults and they dont lift a finger
#its not as if any of them work bec they dont and neither does my dad
#and im so so so exhausted yk? bec not everything is my job or responsibility
#and i keep blaming other things for me getting sick but yknow what maybe i just dont rest enough
#and the other day i was upset bec i'd had a tough day at work and i felt unwell and i cleaned up everything after dinner and my brother
#said i didnt have a right to be upset bec i “chose” this. like as if i chose to work full time nd do all the chores for a family of 9
#and it just really upsets me bec no one sees an issue with it and im so mad at my mom at rhe same time
#constant therapy sessions w her bec shes mad at my dad and wants someone to vent at and then he does the same abt her and my brothers
#and im so tired yknow just sososos tired bec she'll complain abt how they dont do anything but then she wont ensure they do either
#its just empty complaints whereas she thrust responsibility on me when i was 9 and yet my brothers are 18+ - all but one that is and they
#cant even do their own laundry bec she just..... did everything for them all the time but now is mad that they cant do anything.
#like yes i know my dad is a failure of a husband and a father i expected that i'll never be a good enough daughter for him and that the onl
#thing he has to say about me is that im bringing shame on our family despite everything ive done but come on
#im just tired and upset
#its hard not to see yourself as a robot or machine when theres little room to be anything else.
#and even on a day like today when i dont feel well it never stops and i just keep doing
#im sad i want a hug from my gangster bf
#oh god i am sorry pls do not perceive me for this
#and yk what
#thats why i cant stand when people are nice to me bec all i can think of is
#i havent done anything to deserve this? i should have to give something in return
#or if not
#theres something this person must want because why else would they be nice to me when i havent done anything for them
#i cannot fathom the concept that someone just wants me because its me
#its literally just not possible why would anyone fo that for me
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