#i don't really know what i'm supposed to be doing with this & all mine are so simple and uncreative compare to everyone else haha!

[mabelstone]

La Petite Mort

hozier x f!reader

part four of lullabies <3 | part three | masterlist

cw: sex sex sex love making ❤️ no other warnings really, it's pretty gushy

word count: 2.6k

taglist: @princezty @somethinglikero @jimihendrixpopfigure @the-imperfectgirl-blog @l1nd3n xo

Hours later, the buzz of the alcohol had completely fled my system, leaving me with a residual fatigue and a love struck smile. It felt wrong, but simultaneously, nothing had ever felt so right or natural. Like the sense of deja vu that confirms you are exactly where you're supposed to be.

"Hey," he gently shook my arm from where I was sitting in a booth, almost unable to keep my eyes open. "You 'right?"

"Mhm," I grinned, fighting back a yawn. "And how are you, hotshot?"

"Overwhelmed," he huffed, extending his hand to me. He never enjoyed crowds despite their tendency to form around him everywhere he went. "Let's go home."

I let him lead me out, warmth flooding my cheeks at the simple gesture. The bite of the cold was sharper than earlier, my teeth instantly chattering. He, of course noticed immediately, shucking himself of his jacket, draping it over my shoulders.

"Andy," I shook my head trying to fight him off, but it was no use. "Now you're gonna get cold."

"I have at least three layers on at all times, the cold fears me," he joked, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"Thank you," I pouted at him, overwhelmed at such a small gesture. But it wasn't small to me. Everything Andy did was grand in my eyes. "So chivalrous."

"Well, you know me," he shrugged, stifling a grin of his own.

I started humming the chorus of tonights' song as we walked, unable to remember any of the words other than imagine being loved by me, and the beautiful melody that was sure to hang around for days.

"Don't do that," he laughed with embarrassment, slinging his arm around my shoulders and pulling me close.

"Why not? It's a beautiful song, after all," I shrugged, unable to hide my smile that stretched from ear to ear. "And wasn't I the inspiration?" I teased, and it was now his turn to glow red.

"Mhm," he grinned, eyes focused on the road ahead of us. We were nearly back at the car, and the adrenaline was beginning to flood my bloodstream. "That's why you liked it, 'uh?."

"So good," I agreed, walking a bit closer to him that now our arms bumped occasionally. "Did you mean what you said? In the song?"

"'Course I did," he chuckled, unlocking the car and opening my door for me. He even helped me buckle my seatbelt. "Don't worry, it's just a song."

He climbed into his side now, the faintest pink tint to his cheeks, but otherwise, unbothered. I, on the other hand, was trying to get my stupid heart to slow back to normal.

I was fighting the urge to climb over into his lap and beg him to do all the things he'd been imagining. Instead we drove in what would appear to be comfortable silence from an outsiders' perspective. Obviously I didn't know what he was thinking, but I can promise you there was no trace of innocence in my thoughts. The air in the car was thick with desire, leaving me on the verge of choking on the tension.

We exchanged few words on the drive back to his, stealing bashful glances here and there. When the car stilled to a park, I couldn't keep my mouth shut any longer.

"Andrew?" My heart continued to pound in my ears, his brows raising slightly in encouragement. "I want you," I confessed.

He turned to face me and I could see his quickening pulse through the thin skin of his neck. He swallowed thickly, pupils blown so wide I could scarcely see any green.

His gaze flitted between my lips and my eyes, and I'm sure I too was all pupil at this point. I couldn't help myself, leaning over the centre console to feel his lips on mine. My eyes fluttered shut, as did his, and I swear something inside of me had come alive for the first time in my life.

He was better than I had ever imagined.

Lips warm and soft, adding the perfect amount of pressure that made me crave more and more. His hand slipped up the back of my head, cradling its entirety in his palm.

He pulled back slowly, his hand still at the base of my skull. His lips were plump and looked absolutely delicious, my heart aching at the loss of contact.

"I want you, you know that," his voice was lower than before, our faces still close enough that I could feel the tickle of his breath ghosting my lips. "But you just got out of such a long relationship."

"You've treated me better these past few weeks than he did in six years," I reached my hand up to cup his face. His skin was warm and soft, the scratch of his stubble in my palm pulling me back down to Earth, reminding me that this wasn't just another daydream of mine. "Please, kiss me."

And he did, pulling me in as close as the confinement of his car would allow. It felt like coming up for air after holding your breath under water, like the relief you get when a siren finally stops blaring. His scent, his warmth, his gentle breaths exhaled through his nose, mingling with mine as we moved in synchronicity, as if we'd rehearsed this a million times. I'm starting to suspect he must have been having similar dreams of me.

I pulled away this time, giving him my best doe eyes through hooded lids as I suggested, "shall we go inside?"

Without a second thought, Andy was out of the car, opening my door for me. Within moments, our lips were connected again, my arms draped around his neck, his hands quick to grab my waist. He lead me into his house, our mouths moving fast, passion coursing through our veins like electricity. I squealed in surprise when he lifted me, wrapping my legs around his waist as he carried me up the stairs. We were a mess of giggles and laboured breathing, bumping into walls, and desperately grabbing at one another.

Despite the desperation in our actions, he softly laid me onto his bed, crawling in between my thighs before kissing me again. I ran my hands up the sides of his torso, feeling him shudder slightly under my touch.

I could feel his hard on digging into my thigh, and suddenly my clothes were the biggest inconvenience known to man. "Show me, Andy," I breathed in between kisses, his lips now on my neck, my knickers well on their way to being drenched. "All the things you've been wanting to do to me."

He let out a deep, guttural sound somewhere between a strangled moan and a whine. He reluctantly pulled himself from me, slipping his shoes off in two fluid movements. He knelt before me, my entire ankle easily in the grip of his hand. He unbuckled my heels, slipping them off with a kiss to each of my calves. He slowly ran his hands up my legs, planting a trail of kisses upon each inch of skin he touched, the heat in my core beginning to boil.

He looked up through his head of curls, eyes dark and hungry. "You sure you want this, darlin'?"

I nodded desperately, hands instantly finding their way into his hair to bring his lips to mine again. His tongue prodded at my bottom lip and I let him in my mouth without hesitation, allowing him to explore. This only caused my desire for his tongue elsewhere to grow insurmountably.

All of my senses came to life when I felt his hand moving toward my inner thigh, opening my legs wide for him to grant him full access. His fingers made their way to my core, a soft groan fleeting from his lips. "Fuck," he breathed against my lips, slipping a ridiculously long finger inside of me with ease. I moaned into his mouth, one of my hands reaching down to grab his wrist, encouraging him to insert another. He did, curling his fingers with such precision that if I my brain weren't staticky from the feeling, I'd question how many lovers he'd had. He continued to pump his fingers in and out of me, kissing my neck as he did so, eyes glued to my face as if he were memorising every expression he pulled from me.

"Need to feel you," I choked out breathlessly, desperately cupping his face. "Please."

He smiled wickedly, kissing my lips once more before pulling his fingers out, dipping them straight into his mouth. My jaw nearly detached from my face at the gesture, my stomach flipping harder than ever. I watched in awe as he pulled his shirt off, his pants soon to follow, absolutely shocked that the shy, awkward, nerdy Andrew I thought I knew did not exist within these walls. I could see the outline of his cock through his boxers, swallowing hard. How on Earth was that going to fit? I sat up to rid myself of my dress, allowing it to pool around my ankles as he watched on, cock twitching beneath the thin cotton.

I made my way to him, helping him remove the last bit of clothing keeping us apart, eyes nearly bulging out of my head when I saw him. All of him. He may be the most beautiful man I have ever seen.

His hands quickly found my face, reeling me in with those lips once more before laying me on the bed again. His eyes searched mine again for any doubt, not finding any, but something else. "You okay?"

"Yes, just preparing," I laughed, only half joking.

"You're okay, you can take it," he kissed my cheek softly, lining himself up with my entrance. I gasped at the sharp sting of the stretch, holding my breath briefly. He halted all movement, no doubt used to this happening. "Tell me when, baby."

I rested my hands on his shoulders, taking a deep breath before nodding. He slowly slipped the rest of his length in, our beautiful harmonisation of moans filling the air.

It was only painful for a moment before I was practically begging for more. He was as long and thick as you’d expect, but God, nothing could have prepared me. He began to form a steady rhythm, thrusting in and out of me while I whined under his touch.

To feel his body weight on mine, his warmth, his scent, his love - I had ascended from my human form. I caved, begging him for more, begging him to fuck me how he wanted to.

He captured my lips with his mid way through a thrust, his cock slamming into that spot that made my brain fuzzy. I dug my nails into his shoulders, gasping into his mouth, “just like that.”

He obliged, one of his hands steadying himself with the headboard, the other cupping the back of my head. I wondered why, until he really found his rhythm.

With each delicious thrust, he would effectively hit my g-spot, making me weak as jelly under him, barely able to form words. My head was hitting his hand with the sheer force of each thrust, and I’m sure the thought of him protecting my skull would make me swoon if I weren’t on the brink of tears, producing noises I didn’t know I was capable of.

“Andy, Andy,” I chanted his name breathlessly, unable to even open my eyes as pleasure cradled my entire being. I’d never heard my voice this desperate ever, to the point that I had no autonomy over my words and vocality, like my soul was speaking without getting confirmation from my brain first. “You- feel- so- good,” I was near crying between each thrust, my mouth completely dry from all the panting.

“You feel good too, darlin’,” he grinned, removing his hand from the bed head and dropping it down to my clit. “So fuckin’ good.”

My jaw went slack, no coherent words falling from my mouth, just rhapsodies of praise in the form of whimpers and laboured breaths.

"Want you to cum for me," he breathed, his thrusts growing sloppy ever so slightly.

"Keep going," I barely got the words out, the coil in my stomach tightening as he dragged me closer to the edge with every word, every thrust, every skilled dance of his fingers over my clit. "Andy," I warned loudly, the high pitch of my tone sounding foreign to my ears, unsure if had even fallen from my tongue. "Oh, my God, I'm gonna-"

Within an instant, I unravelled beneath his touch, moaning a string of curses I couldn't even hear as the static in my mind grew overwhelming. I shook uncontrollably, every muscle of mine growing limp yet tensing and spasming at the same time. My back arched and my toes curled, crescent moon shapes from my fingernails marking his beautiful skin; a reminder to us both of how euphoric he had made me feel. My orgasm rippled through me like waves in a storm, pummelling me over and over as I couldn't stop my eyes from rolling into the back of my head, unable to open them, unable to close my mouth as a slurry of cries dripped from my soul. Unsure of what came over me, I begged, “please cum in me,” wanting nothing more than to feel every ounce of his loving.

When I finally came back down to Earth, the waves crashed into him, the most angelic sounds flooding the four walls we were confined to. Overstimulation wracked my bones, panting into his mouth as he rode out the rest of his high, a clash of tongue and teeth as he kissed me once more. He pumped into me a few more unsteady times, his arms shaking as they struggled to hold his weight any longer.

He pulled out of me slowly, the loss of contact leaving me with a hollow feeling, immediately clinging to him the second his head hit the pillow beside me.

“Andrew,” I breathed in disbelief, titling my head to see the tired smile on his face. “I don’t even have words.”

“Could say the same to you!” He sighed, content with his arm around me, our bodies gently slowing back to normal. “What an angel.”

You are the angel, is what I wanted to say. Instead, I basked in his warmth, his scent flooding my senses as my soul unwillingly reconnected with my body.

“Write a song about this, would ya?” I laughed against his skin, tracing shapes into his chest, feeling like I was the main character in a cheesy rom-com.

“Way ahead of ya, love,” he grinned back, pressing a soft kiss to the top of my head. “Wanna have a shower? Or is that too much?”

I looked up at him with furrowed brows and pursed lips. “Andrew. There’s a chance you just knocked me up. No, showering together is not too much.”

“Don’t even joke about that,” he groaned, abruptly rolling out of bed, picking me up bridal style and carrying me to the bathroom. He laughed devilishly at the squeak he elicited from me, kissing my face while I smiled and giggled like a fool.

Fuck.

He towered over me, the beads of water dripping from his hair onto me. He looked beautiful, contented in serenity, similar to how I was feeling, I'm sure. He lathered my body in soapy suds, nothing remotely sexual in the gesture. I did the same for him, enveloped in the warmth of his skin, acclimated to the same temperature of the water. If this were my last moment on Earth, I would die happy. Andrew had a way of making me forget every bad moment of my life. Every poor decision, every tear cried for a man who only thought about himself. Surely, this was too soon to be labelled as love. But it sure felt like it.

"You are so beautiful."

i hope u liked it if u didn't tell me if u did leave requests of something you'd like to see in this next xo and i'm aware of all the run on sentences, i'm sorry if that makes it difficult to read. i will not shut up! even in text

#andrew hozier #hozier x reader #hozier #andrew hozier byrne #hozier smut

[jmdbjk]

Minimoni Music Exchange

Things that got answered:

1. The complete meltdown Namjoon was having up to and following Festa 2022. I talked a little bit about that back in this June 19, 2022 post.

In the past, Namjoon once said being the only one who spoke fluent English meant he was thrust into the frontman position when they began doing interviews and promotions with western media and it made him unsure of himself. He said it was nerve wracking to be required to think on his feet while fielding questions for the group, to speak for the members without actually consulting them before speaking for them and then have to answer these questions coherently and off the cuff in ENGLISH.

As this episode opens Namjoon says he "loves BTS because of the music... but if he had to continue like this he might want to die."

That's a heavy statement. But it is edited with the context left out.

I know this because further into the episode the context around that is included: they all felt the burdens of ALL eyes on them, and at some point they all had to become conscientious of who they were and act accordingly. He loves BTS because of what they do, the music that they bring out to the world. But if he had to care about what everyone else thought, all the people who put pressure on him to be responsible for everything and had to deal with that constantly, he felt he wouldn't be able to withstand that, that he felt he'd want to die.

2. The complete shit-show their military enlistment caused for them. I talked about that in this June 22, 2022 post and here in this Oct. 17, 2022 post.

All of the "MS exemption" stuff was such a waste of time and it really did hurt everyone's feelings, mine, yours, and theirs, backwards and forwards. A truly damned if you do, damned if you don't scenario. I believe Jin was relieved to finally get to the base and begin his service in order to get it behind him. And I'm sure the others knew how he felt about it. And in 15 days Jin will be back! We are about to begin a new Bangtan era: post military.

I watched this MiniMoni Music episode twice, pausing and rewinding both times. Not just to make sure I understood what they were saying to each other but to surround those words, to put context to the words, with the heft of the emotional support and reciprocal gratitude that accompanied the conversation.

And Jimin brings a different perspective than say Yoongi would if it was Yoongi and RM having this conversation like during a Suchwita episode.

I also had to pause a few times to savor that sudden burst of love upon seeing beautiful Jimin.

Jimin listened as Namjoon explained how he second-guessed himself when he delayed enlisting. He was supposed to go with Hobi but then chose to continue working on RPWP.

He totally related to Namjoon declaring himself contradictory in nature.

Namjoon said he had to "turn off BTS" in order to focus on himself. He had to be physically apart from them in order to stop thinking about them as a team and see himself as an individual. And then Jimin revealed that he and the members detected Namjoon's distance and wondered if he was drifting away from them. But they also realized it was part of this era, part of this process they were all going through.

Throughout this episode, Jimin listened to the songs for the first time and offered his thoughts.

Namjoon says he had to get this album out because he believes things have an "expiration date", meaning he needed to get this out of him in order to move on artistically. He had tied his identity to BTS all this time, that he had no idea who RM was, or who Kim Namjoon was.

They then go on talking about when they come back, the return of the pressure of being the leader of BTS and they wonder how their concerts will look then. They throw out the idea of more subunit work. Namjoon says when they are done with their service, he will focus on the team and each of their originality must go into it ... and he feels good about his position as a member of BTS and as RM.

He reiterates whether you are a fan, a casual listener or a hater, everyone is a Right Person or a Wrong Person at times.

Jimin tells him that he, the members and the fans are influenced by the things Namjoon says and that when he's feeling down that they and we will be ok with it.

This is my personal opinion: I disagree with people who keep saying "After they are discharged, I hope they spend a little while enjoying some down time."

Their military service is "downtime" to them. Being their civilian self is down time. Military time was an interruption to them. It disturbed their career's momentum.

The longer they delay getting back to work in their real job the longer it will be for them to be where they ALL said they want to be: on stage.

However, that being said. The break needed to happen. And military service forced the break.

As Joon says: "... and I look up in the sky and see silver cloud, yo hurry!" I think it could be taken as the cloudy, forboding future is unavoidable but can see it will bring necessary and refreshing new challenges and change for the good. It is a healthy way to embrace the unknown.

The timing of filming this episode... was it possible Jimin did not know their enlistment date yet? RM said within 4 weeks he was enlisting. That would put this filming the week of November 13, 2023.

Jimin left Nov. 15 for Budapest, returned on Nov. 18 and then Jimin and Jungkook left together on Nov. 23 to go to Japan. They returned on Nov. 28. JK left again the next day for Los Angeles and returned Dec. 2. That's a lot of traveling for men just days away from enlisting in the military.

They knew this episode would be out six months after RM enlisted on Dec. 11. But possibly they didn't know Jimin and Jungkook's enlistment date yet or they would have said "by the time you are seeing this, we will all be enlisted." Maybe they found out their enlistment date almost immediately following the filming of this episode and the Japan trip and JK's LA trip were crammed into the last few weeks they had. I don't know, I'm just thinking out loud.

My personal take: The more the members say and explain the feelings/intent of what they say, the easier it keeps getting to ignore the solos, mantis, haters, boycotters of BTS and toxic fans. Etcetera. Because they are so foolish. Both Jimin and Namjoon called you all "jerks".

RM's album and whatever we heard he and Jimin speak about, ALL that reinforces that THEY the individual members, have the freedom to do what they want. They are Koreans, they will speak in ways that, inherently due to their culture, will be framed in a way that will be "polite". RM said "fuck you jerk" in his music, not to the camera while addressing the fans and public.

One thing this genre-bending album of Namjoon's also does is help the other members continue to step over all of the pre-conceived ideas/restrictions/lines that idols are not supposed to cross over that people throw at them.

All of their solo efforts will help each of them to be more progressive: Yoongi's smoking in his MV, JK's irreverent singing about fucking every minute of the day, Jimin having female dancers actually touch his body (and male dancers as well), Tae and Jennie.... all of that helps pull us along with them, helps normalize things for us so every baby step is a legit step towards more freedom, more maturity, wider spaces to explore artistically.

And they are fully aware of all these "rules" they are going to step over and move on from.

Revelations:

Namjoon has at least 25 pairs of shoes in his entryway. And the small path through them...

Those high-dollar apartments actually have shoe closets in the entryway.... Namjoon... please.

Things that didn't get answered:

Namjoon secretly a saxophone prodigy? I'm still waiting to learn exactly when did he learn to play the sax?

And Jimin's album coming soon? With a reciprocal MoniMini Music episode? I thought we'd get another hint or acknowledgement of such but we didn't. I noticed this video was not branded Bangtan Episode but linked to RPWP. As has become customary, we wait.

#bts chapter 2 #bts military service #rm x rpwp #namjoon #jimin #minimoni #jin's not gonna know what to do with all this freedom #free jin

[jjkamochoso]

Wedding Guest Plus One

Fluff

Levi Ackerman x gn!reader

When you get invited to a wedding, you're reluctant to show up by yourself. Luckily, you have a friend that would never leave you hanging...

Warnings: cussing, small mentions of background characters drinking alcohol

A/n: I hope the end isn't too ooc because I couldn't resist the opportunity to write that lol I hope you all enjoy reading this much as I did writing it!! <3

The strikingly opulent invitation was weighing down your hands like it was made of lead. The painstakingly crafted calligraphy was openly mocking you: "To our beloved Y/N and Guest..."

You sighed.

It wasn't like you didn't want to go to your friend's wedding, that wasn't it at all. The event sounded like it was going to be a wonderful time, filled with good food and fun moments as love was being celebrated. It was just that this would be another wedding you'd gone to without a boyfriend or husband. Your friends were mostly nonjudgemental but you knew your continuous bout of singularity over the years was rare enough to garner speculation and gossip from anyone in attendance at those types of gatherings, especially when everyone knew each other.

You hauled yourself out of your office, leaving the frilly paper discarded on your desk to be taunted by at a later time. You quickly made your way down the hall of the Survey Corps base, knocking on the familiar wood door in front of you.

"Come in," said a voice from the opposite side and you wasted no time entering, eager to begin your venting session.

"I see you got your invite as well," you said, spying the same white rectangle upon your best friend's desk.

"I did," Levi replied, his eyes not leaving the paperwork he was currently working on.

You picked it up, inspecting it, and you frowned. "Hey, yours doesn't say Levi and guest! Mine did."

"It said Levi and guest?"

"I hate you," you whined, Levi smirking a bit at his joke. "Mine said 'Y/n and guest' and I want to know why you got spared the embarrassment of being allowed a plus one but never having one."

"That's because everyone knows by now that if I'm showing up, I'm coming alone. They still have hope for you."

"Well, I don't like it," you mumbled, putting the invitation back down.

A few seconds of silence passed.

"Aren't you going to complain to me until my ears feel like they're going to bleed or are you actually going to be a grown up about this and leave me alone to do work?" Levi asked with an eyebrow raised at you.

You scoffed. "I thought friends were supposed to listen to each other rant about stupid shit."

"They are. But this is beyond stupid shit. Who cares if you don't have a partner? We're in the Scouts. Most people's partners are dead. Just lie about having a boyfriend who vanished at the mouth of a titan and people will leave you alone."

"But people at weddings are brutal! Someone's parents will just try to set me up with someone else while I'm there. You would understand if you bothered to go to one once in awhile."

"Weddings are stupid. A public proclamation of love is completely unnecessary." Levi brought his point home with an extra loud huff. "It's pompous and egotistical. I'd rather shit in my hands and clap than go to another one."

"I should've gone to Hange for advice," you said, rolling your eyes, "but they would probably just suggest bringing Bean or Sonny. Or Mike, who'd sniff everyone and get me blacklisted from any other event ever."

That got Levi to let out a small grunt of laughter.

"I really don't know what to do, Levi. It's stupid, I know, but I can't take going to another one alone. I want to be there to support our comrade but I don't want to look like a total loser."

“I’ll go with you,” he suggested as he continued signing papers, the words leaving his mouth like it was the most glaringly obvious idea in the entire world.

"What?" you exclaimed, your mouth hanging open in shock.

He finally looked up to meet your gaze. "Tch, close your mouth, you're going to catch flies. Don't look so shocked, either. Erwin was just telling me I have to go to more shitty events to boost morale amongst the soldiers and brass and you need someone to go with so you don't look lonely. We can hang out, bitch about how lame everything is, and go home. It's a win-win. Unless...?"

"No! That would be amazing," you replied quickly, not wanting to lose this opportunity, "thank you. I'm just taken aback, that's all, since a second ago you used a very crass saying to express your unwillingness to go. Are you sure you'd want to show up with me? People talk, you know. They might think we're dating."

"So? Let them."

Levi was right. You were going to get judged no matter if you brought a random guy, attended by yourself, or went with Levi. At least this way you'd have someone to talk with all night.

"Does this mean we get to coordinate outfits?"

Levi balled up a discarded piece of paper from his trash bin and threw it at you. "Don't make me regret this, brat. Now get back to work."

You left his office chuckling and feeling a newfound sense of relief wash over you.

When the day of the wedding finally arrived, you felt butterflies in your stomach, nervous for what was to come. You tried to keep your mind off the stress you were feeling as you got ready after work. It was a rare occasion to dress up in your civilian clothes as you were always in your formal military wear for galas or other professional events. You had second guessed your outfit all day but it was too late to buy something else so you got dressed and fixed up your hair. As you put the finishing touches on your look, you heard a knock at your door. When you opened it, you were definitely not expecting the sight you were greeted with.

"You're out of uniform."

You both spoke the same sentence at the same time.

"You really know how to keep people on their toes, don't you?" you asked, moving out of the way so he could come in.

"I was tired of wearing that damn thing all the time. This suit hasn't seen the light of day in a long time so I figured this would do instead."

The suit he had on made him look absolutely dashing, even more so than usual (which you didn't know was possible). He wore a gray collared buttoned shirt underneath a dark blue jacket with matching blue slacks and a brown belt. His cravat topped it all off, its stark white a nice contrast to the other colors.

"You look really nice," you complimented, your heart picking up speed as he raked his eyes over you.

"As do you," he replied, sincerity coating every syllable. He certainly wasn't wrong; your outfit hugged you in all the right places, accentuating your best assets. You opted for a silky black color for tonight since the wedding dress code asked for elegance. All of your previous fears about not looking okay were out of your head with the confirmation from Levi that you presented yourself nicely. You hadn't realized that you were lost in space, still enthralled in how handsome your best friend was until he finally cleared his throat, knocking you from your daydream.

"Huh? Oh sorry," you said sheepishly, "let me grab my shoes and we can get going."

The first shoe cooperated wholeheartedly but the second one was not wanting to work with you. You kept trying to buckle it but you were at a bit of an odd angle trying to balance yourself standing up while fiddling with the metal piece.

"May I?" Levi gestured to your foot. Frustrated, you nodded, grateful for his help. His nimble fingers made quick work of the buckle and you were ready to leave in no time. You two walked down to where carriages were lined up to take the wedding guests from the Survey Corps base to a town a few miles away. Once you got inside the palatial venue, you were welcomed with the sight of decorations everywhere. The whole building was grandiose but the paper swans, crystal beads, and plush seating arrangements did much to elevate the overall luxuriant atmosphere. You had never seen such a splendid display at any of the other weddings you had been to, but you were at the wedding of two high ranking military officials, after all.

"All this and our soldiers can barely get fresh fruit half the damn time," grumbled Levi, clearly not impressed. You were inclined to agree with him. The whole scene was gorgeous, but in the grand scheme of things, it left a bad taste in your mouth that so much money was spent on this when it could've gone to something more... tangible.

"I know, but there's nothing we can do about it. Let's just try to ignore it and hopefully charm our way into securing more money in our budget from some other mucky-mucks in attendance."

"Here I was thinking I could convince you to leave after the vows were done," Levi said, earning a glare from you.

"In your dreams. There's no way I'm leaving without dinner and dessert. I should've brought extra handkerchiefs to sneak out food like Sasha."

While you two were chatting it up, waiting for the bride to make her appearance, you were quickly garnering much interest from the other guests. People were totally caught off guard seeing you arrive with someone, much less a man, much less the actual Captain Levi. It shouldn't have been as big a deal as it was since you were also a well known captain and you and Levi normally stood by each other at military events you were forced to be at, but the casual air about the both of you at such a romantic occurrence was turning heads. You and Levi paid no mind, continuing talking like you were the only people in the room. Finally, you were saved from the incessant ogling by the music signaling the bride had arrived.

The vows were done, the lips were kissed, the couple was married. Now came the worst time of the night--the social part of the event had started. You and Levi, of course, sat next to each other for dinner but you were dismayed at the fact he was the only one you knew at the table. Hange and your other friends were seated elsewhere and you made a mental note to say hi before the end of the night, even if you were going to see them all tomorrow anyway. Everything was going smoothly, no one bothering you or your date. The food was as yummy as you expected and Levi was satisfied with the tea they offered with dessert. The night had almost ended and there weren't any weird instances you had to deal with.

Until now.

"Oh my goodness! Y/n! It's so good to see you!"

You were startled by the voice practically screeching in your ear as you were eating a large piece of cake. An old acquaintance of yours greeted you loudly, grabbing you into an awkward hug since you were seated and she was standing. She took a seat in the open chair next to you while you prayed Levi would come back from the bathroom soon.

"How are you?" she asked, a huge smile on her face. You knew she'd definitely been drinking heavily throughout the night, though she was normally this giddy all the time.

"I'm doing alright. You know, the same old, same old. Nothing crazy going on at work or anything, thankfully. How about you?"

She completely ignored everything you said. "So I came over to see what was up between you and Captain Levi."

Here we go, you thought to yourself, resisting the urge to roll your eyes.

"What do you mean?"

Playing dumb was always a good idea in these types of interactions.

"You know," she pressed, taking another long sip of whatever was in her cup, "you and him. I thought it was odd that you usually come to these things alone and all of a sudden you show up with a hot guy like him as your date. How'd you manage that? Did you pay him?"

"We've been best friends for many years and decided to be each others' dates," you said, trying your hardest to remain civil.

"Right." She slumped back in her seat. "That makes a lot of sense. We all figured there was no way you were dating. You two are in completely different leagues."

That was your breaking point.

"Nice seeing you," you said, your chair screeching as you slid it back and walked away from her. You wanted to scream. Why was it so difficult for people to be decent? And who did she mean by "we all" ? Did everyone find your situation that much more interesting than the beautiful wedding taking place? Was it really so strange a notion that you and Levi could've been dating?

Why did it bother you that no one would believe it if you were?

You were practically tripping over your feet to get outside, away from the prying eyes and invasive questions. You made your way over to a secluded bench where you felt tears threaten to spill out of your eyes. A few finally fell, leaving dark splotches on the light stone beneath you. The longer you sat out there, by yourself with no one to bother you or make you question your worth, the more you felt at ease. The brisk night air enveloped you like a blanket and the darkness did wonders to calm your racing thoughts. However, there was just one thought that wouldn't quit nagging you. You and Levi had been best friends for countless years and you had been content with the state of your friendship for all that time. Ever since he offered to be your date for this wedding, though, you'd started viewing him in a more romantic lens. Taking note of his appearance, feeling your heart speed up when he was close to you, getting lost in his eyes a little too long. You'd developed a crush on him but were much too nervous to mention such a silly, trivial thing to him, especially in fear of ruining the bond you shared. Now that someone pointed out the obvious, that you and him don't belong together, your harmless daydreams of him being your lover came crashing down and brought you back to reality. The reality was that Levi could never be yours, no matter how much you so desperately wanted him. It was a sad realization to have on a day that was supposed to be all about celebrating everlasting love, but such is life. You were torn out of your personal pity party when you heard the crunch of leaves underfoot.

"Here," Levi said, handing you your plate with your half eaten cake on it. "It worried me when I saw you abandoned dessert."

He wore an unreadable expression as you took it gratefully, patting the spot next to you as an invitation for him to sit with you.

"I'm sorry for bailing on you," you apologized, nibbling on your fork, "but there was this lady in there that I just-"

"I know," he said, keeping his eyes trained on the sky. "I heard the whole thing."

"Oh."

The void of silence left between you was a gap you were both unsure how to fill, so you didn't. The only thing heard for a few minutes was the faraway sound of laughter and the clinking of your silverware against the porcelain plate.

"She's wrong, you know. They all are," Levi said suddenly, making you jump a bit. You didn't say anything, discarding your empty plate on the ground next to you.

"There's some truly shitty people in this world."

"You got that right," you replied, your eyes moistening again as your mind replayed the mean words you were subjected to earlier.

Levi turned to you. "Don't do that. I know you, y/n, don't sit here and think about what she said over and over. It doesn't matter. She doesn't matter."

"Easy for you to say. You didn't just get your self esteem ripped to shreds." You sniffed and angrily wiped away a tear that streamed down your face as you kept your eyes anywhere but on Levi.

"Look at me."

He spoke with such conviction that you felt compelled to do as he said. Without hesitation, he reached out and wiped away the wet that was accumulating on your cheeks with his thumb. You knew Levi wasn't a fan of physical affection, so why was he being so loving toward you all of a sudden?

"I would go to a hundred of these shitty weddings if you were there by my side because you make them less shitty. You make everything less shitty. I just... fuck, I'm not good with words, but what I mean is that I would do things I hate doing if it meant we could do them together."

You had known Levi long enough to be certain that he was currently expressing his feelings for you in his own roundabout way. Though the confession was a huge surprise, it certainly wasn't unwelcome.

You finally cracked a small smile. "You make my life a lot less shitty too, Levi. I'd even suffer through the entirety of those horrendous galas the MPs throw all too often if I had you next to me."

You reached out your hand to find his and gave it a small squeeze. "Let's get out of here. I'd rather shit in my hands and clap than hang around these people any longer."

Levi was proud that his saying had already made it into your lexicon. You stood up, ready to make your exit. Before you went too far out of earshot, he stopped you.

"Want to give them one last thing to talk about?"

You didn't understand what he meant until you followed his gaze, landing on the group of guests that were currently not-so-secretly spying on you.

"Sure, I guess-"

Levi expertly wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into a passionate kiss, leaving you breathless. If he didn't have such a steady grip on your body, you would've immediately melted onto the ground in a state of stupor. You heard startled gasps as people clamored about, anxious to spread the news of the two captains kissing.

"Should we flash them the ol' royal salute for being creeps?" Levi muttered against your lips.

"We'll save that for next time," you said, enveloping his lips in yours once more.

#levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman #levi x reader #levi ackerman x you #levi fluff #levi aot #snk x reader #snk fanfiction #snk levi #aot fanfiction #aot x reader #captain levi #levi ackerman x reader fluff #levi x reader fluff #levi ackerman fanfiction #levi ackerman x y/n #levi x y/n #levi x you #levi ackerman fluff

[hell-drabbles]

Mock-up Card 1

Basically it's just an L Card with the Embittered Companion and Lucifer working together because my brain is stuck on that for some reason? It's weird. Anyways, when you activate the Ultimate Skill of this card, you switch to either Lucifer or the Embittered Companion. A sort of, two-in-one card. Embittered Companion is all about dealing damage while Lucifer is all about healing. There's a boost to their ATK for a good while after switching. Don't ask about the numbers, I didn't think of them at aaaall.

Also I don't have it in me to write prose right now, so here be lines!!!

[First Encounter]

YOU: Hey. It's been how many years? You know, since I last took up a weapon to chase people away? It's pretty nostalgic, honestly. LUCIFER: …are you already forgetting what you promised us? YOU: I'm not gonna charge in head first, you two. Get off my ass.

[Level Up]

YOU: What I lack… LUCIFER: I'll make up.

[Evolve]

YOU: It would be nice, to have less lives lost. LUCIFER: But all we can do is continue on, until the very end.

[Ultimate Skill 1]

YOU: Go ahead and take a nap, Lucifer.

[Ultimate Skill 2]

LUCIFER: Sit. Rest. You're bleeding.

[Upon Death]

YOU: I'm still shit at keeping promises huh? LUCIFER: It's not your fault. Let's go.

[Victory 1]

YOU: Glad to see you've been focusing on the task at hand, Ra-on. Well, battle's over, so you can do whatever the hell you want.

[Victory 2]

LUCIFER: This is something to celebrate about, isn't it? …yes, you'll be invited to the party.

[Defeat]

LUCIFER: A mortal body such as their's does not deserve to have injuries like this. Keep quiet, they'll wake up. I know they will.

[Lobby Interaction 1]

YOU: It's kind of funny to me that, after all that, my normal body hasn't really changed one bit. Still the same strength, still the same weaknesses. LUCIFER: It doesn't make it any less remarkable to me. YOU: So you and Ra-on say. Well, I've been in this body longer than anyone, so I wouldn't know what to be impressed by. Everything about this body is just uninteresting to me. Doesn't make me any less happy that I'm back in it, though.

[Lobby Interaction 2]

YOU: Hmm? What are you staring at us for, Ra-on? We that good of a sight? …happy, huh? Yeah, I suppose Lucifer and I make each other pretty happy. Don't discount yourself though, buddy. Wouldn't be in the place that I am without your help.

[Lobby Interaction 3]

LUCIFER: Your hands. Let me see them. YOU: Huh? Alright, but why? LUCIFER: Ra-on told me you forgot about your blisters. YOU: Oh. Oh! No, yeah I did forget. Whoops. But hey, at least I'm wearing gloves this time around, so they're not that bad. None of them popped, so they should heal nicely.

[Lobby Interaction 4]

LUCIFER: If you wanted to destroy Heaven, would you? I wouldn't blame you if you answered 'yes.' YOU: …maybe a younger, more freshly wounded version of myself would've said yes, but as I am now, no. The fate of Heaven is not mine to control. I can only control the distance between me and that place. Besides, I'll hold onto hope that the angels will eventually weed out that sickening need to be superior.

[Lobby Interaction 5]

LUCIFER: Shh. They haven't rested well last night. Whatever it is you want to ask, save it for later. Hmm? Mm. Yes, they're… still haunted by everything. Not even in sleep can they be allowed to escape. A curse that not even my powers can relieve.

[Lobby Interaction 6]

YOU: You know, I haven't heard the name Solomon in a while. Did you finally put your foot while I was away, Ra-on?

[Lobby Interaction 7]

YOU: Another angel almost snatched me up today. Even in this human form they hate so much, they still want to whisk me up right back to that suffocating cradle. Thanks for the warning by the way. LUCIFER: While we were all once siblings connected through our love for God, I won't allow them to repeat that torture. If I must make my words absolute, then I will.

[Lobby Interaction 8]

LUCIFER: Have you adjusted yet? YOU: To what? LUCIFER: To your lack of extra limbs. To that body of yours. Is there any pain? Any noises that want to invade your eyes and ears? YOU: …There's nothing. Sometimes I'll feel like I'm missing something, but it's all blissfully silent.

[Lobby Interaction 9]

LUCIFER: Do you have no intention of staying here? YOU: I have no intention of ever forgetting you, Lucifer. But, I can't stay here. This is not my home. Our home, is right where Minhyeok is. Where our beloved earth is. Hell is nice, but I'm pretty sure Ra-on and I miss the comfort of our home's air.

[Lobby Interaction 10]

YOU: Lucifer? LUCIFER: Yes? YOU: If, one day, I decide to visit, would you welcome me? LUCIFER: …always. A small visit, or a promise to dedicate our existences to one another, I'll welcome it all the same.

#whb #what in hell is bad #what in “hell” is bad #drabble #hell-drabbles #hell-drabbles exclusive #paradise lost #lucifer #embittered companion au #reader insert #mock-up card

[burnmyloveaway]

Johan's "Kimi" to Nina's "Anata"

WARNING: LONG-ISH POST

The following post is an acid trip down Monster Lane following some observations, permanent weeb-ness and massive brainrot.

I watched Monster subbed, and when the twins talk about what happened back at the RRM in episodes 66 and 67, they use two different forms of "you" for each other.

Johan addresses Nina with "Kimi."

Nina addresses Johan with "Anata."

I can't speak Japanese, but I've watched enough anime to understand that there are different pronouns people use to refer to others in Japanese (depending on the context, on the degree of formality/informality, etc...) and, in this case, I got curious about the difference between "Kimi" and "Anata" specifically, so I looked it up.

Firstly, "Kimi" is more informal, familiar, intimate, and affectionate (even translatable as "honey" or "sweetie": source). It implies closeness on the speaker's part and is used only for people the speaker knows well.

In particular, men use "Kimi" towards those lower on the social hierarchy (source) and between members of the same family, romantic partners (men use it when talking to their girlfriends or wives), or with kids (source). Also, [Kimi] "is for talking to friends who may be younger than you" (source). Or, again, it can be used condescendingly, as if looking down on the other person (source; can there be just a bit of resentment on Johan's part for Nina?).

I'm not sure whether or not Johan truly believes he's somewhat above Nina (i.e.: does he believe he's "chosen" in a way Nina isn't? Doesn't he also believe they're one and the same? If he truly believes he's chosen, wouldn't that make Nina chosen as well?).

Perhaps it's more likely he uses "Kimi" when talking to her simply because he's the elder twin. In the original script and dub this is emphasized many times as the vocabulary - on the part of both Johan and Nina - is rather insistent in underlining it throughout the series, even if they're twins.

Also, the pronoun "Kimi" is used to display having "the upper position" in a situation (source) in the sense (to my understanding at least) of being the one in control.

This last point reminded me of something. On having the upper hand, below is the scene of the aforementioned episodes where the twins meet in the ruins. Johan (having decided to have Nina escorted there) is standing literally on the upper floor when she finds him:

[manga vs anime]

In nonverbal communication proxemics is the branch of knowledge that deals with the amount of space that people feel necessary to set between themselves and others (Oxford Dictionary).

As adults, Johan and Nina never get close. She seemingly wants to kill him after the murder of the Fortners. Instead, he openly invites her to kill him again and again and remains distant from her as events unfold (it's also interesting to note that the one time he effectively saves her life - back in the Nazis' mansion - he decides not to meet her directly, as if taking it upon himself to looking after her from the shadows).

Another interesting detail about the frame(s) above is how Johan's silhouette is obscured in the light background of the open sky in contrast to Nina's. The latter's is illuminated by the sun in the midst of the darkened ruins, resembling the inverted dots of the Yin and Yang symbol.

Johan's mind is clear. He has recovered all his memories. He stands above the ruins because there's a memory only he can recall. Nina's still missing something as she can't reach the sky above her, she's framed by the ruins of her own dark and fractured memory.

However, at this point, they can't reunite. The heavy baggage each carries, doesn't allow the two halves of the same whole to reconcile yet. This is possibly represented by the wooden column in the middle dividing the frame between Johan's light half and Nina's dark half.

As a further contrast between the two, while Johan uses "Kimi" for Nina, Nina uses "Anata" for Johan.

The latter is more polite, neutral, and formal (source) but it also denotes more humbleness on the speakers' part (source).

In correspondence to how "Kimi" is used by someone in a higher position, "Anata" also implies respect (source) for the other person (are there mixed feelings on Nina's part in this particular moment, or is it simple politeness?).

As for "Kimi," "Anata" is gendered and used mostly by women. While it's a formal "you" more often than not, it's also used as a term of endearment by wives for their husbands and can be translated as "darling" (source; this case is similar to the possible translations of "Kimi" as "honey" or "sweetie" for couples).

Interestingly, "Anata" can be used by a speaker to put a certain degree of emotional distance from the other person (source) or when the speaker doesn't know who the other person is (source). It can often express exasperation as well (source).

Moreover, Nina has always identified her brother as "Johan."

To Nina, even if she doesn't really know him as a person in the present (since they didn't grow up together), her brother is "Johan" and Johan is her brother.

It's the first name he received and the one he used more often. He keeps going by it in the canon timeline (at least until the end?), as everyone associated with him refers to him by it. Still, he tells Dr. Tenma that it's not his real name as he doesn't have one (never completely identifying with it: Wolf argued it may have awakened something in him, though.)

As such, while Nina knows her estranged elder twin brother as "Johan," "Anata" can also be used for someone whose name you don't know (source). Usually, it's used to politely ask someone's name, which is not what Nina's doing in this scene.

However, she's dealing with what happened in the past after she has refused to face it for a long time: she's still processing it.

She's taking her memories back from Johan, who made them his. Figuratively, she gave a name to the girl who said: "I'm back," and a name to the girl who said: "Welcome home." For the longest time, she had believed the latter was herself ("I was greeting myself?").

That girl wasn't real. That was her brother. That was the brother whose existence she forgot and then confused for her own. It can be as if through that "Anata" she's asking him who he is, in a sense.

Or in Nina's words just earlier: "So you know what we are?" (As the results of a particular experiment, their parents met in unusual circumstances: it's safe to assume they'd have never existed otherwise).

Although this last use of "Anata" isn't literal, considering the problems on identity posed by this work, it can be thematically coherent and relevant.

#monster #johan liebert #nina fortner #meta (?) #mine #bruh #johan really said: '' sis... sweaty'' #I know I'm like 20+ years late for posts like this but I love this kind of things #also it's so interesting how many layers of meaning can be conveyed through two different words that are supposed to mean the same thing #and yet... #in this scene johan said: ''I know you like nobody else does'' #nina said: ''I don't know you at all... who are you?'' #it's also so important that all this is prior to nina's final decision to forgive him #bc that's when she begins to be aware that she ultimately does understand what's in his mind and what he wants to do afterward #she knows him too <3

[eats-the-stars]

love the guy assigned to my case at the “help you get a job” program. i have exactly 2 modes. 1) procrastinating until the absolute last minute. And 2) guess I will complete months worth of work that is also due at the end of the year in exactly 3 days of non-stop effort. You can basically flip a coin as to which approach my brain will decide to take for any given task.

so yeah I have a job now. and my poor case manager dude is like “wait. no. that was so fast. it’s been one week. you did how many interviews? and you picked...this one. the one that is not like anything you have done before and also was not on the “jobs I think would work out for me” list that we made?”

and he was scrambling like “accommodations. training. oh god. um. do i need to talk to your employers?” and getting more anxious when I was like “no i think I have it covered.” like i am sorry bro but i know that my vibes in person are like “quiet forgetful autistic person who can pass for either a high school student or a grandma at any moment” and this does not inspire confidence, but I am actually pretty independent once someone gives me a little push to start a thing.

also...dude you have my job history. winter sports area general worker (concessions, ticket sales, renting ski/snowshoe equipment, managing cross-country trails, monitoring the tube hill, etc.). family restaurant hostess (basically every role in the place except a cook). person selling fireworks out of tent for all of July while also living in a smaller tent behind the shipping crate filled with things that go boom. call center customer service rep handling 4 different clients that range from crafts and home decor to incontinence products and super expensive furniture. freelance dog-sitting with clients ranging from “rich couple who wants me to let their elderly cockapoos out twice a day for $50 bucks a pop in a house with a basement theater” to “i’ll give you $10 a day to exercise and feed the 3 huskies in our small apartment also they can jump higher than you are tall and scream louder than you thought possible.” bro we added a whole “volunteer experience” section to my resume because I wrote grants and worked with an environmental group to restore native bluebirds to the community and volunteered at the community table and the animal shelter and the library. like i have done lots of things that are not really connected at all. someone says “hey do you think you could do this?” and I am suddenly living out of a tent for a month googling “what the fuck is a crossette?” i once ended up in Memphis for 2 months doing volunteer construction work in the aftermath of a hurricane because my cousin didn’t want to go alone and everyone was like “oh we know someone who goes with the flow so hard.”

so you better believe i told you “oh i don’t know, maybe a receptionist position would be nice” and then applied to every local job known to god and then a few extra and took the first one to say “cool can you start next week?” i know i did not give off “I will try anything at least once if you ask me fast and then go ‘great!’ before I can process what i agreed to” vibes while sitting in your office in my colorful leggings, grandma sweaters and animal hats while not making eye contact and talking about how lovely my nephew is and how much I enjoy quiet time alone and gardening and i struggle with a poor memory and navigating social interactions. but i know you proofread my resume my guy. you asked questions about all these things except the construction thing because i actually forgot to mention that actually which is good because then i might have had to mention the cult involvement that i wasn’t aware of until i was stuck on-site but it all worked out so no sweat. still, i am glad that he is concerned by my “out of the blue” spontaneity. it’s kind of his job to help people settle into jobs that they can handle, and I also know that I would realistically need more assistance from him if I wasn’t so good at adapting on the fly due to my bad habit of saying “sure, I can do that” to literally anything. also my new job is honestly pretty tame, so i am not sure what he is freaking out about. i should really not mention some of the other jobs i spontaneously applied for before accepting this one. like..my friend...i could be working in a bridal shop. i could be training to install and repair vending machines or decorating cakes or delivering medical equipment. i applied for a job that was literally “window production.” none of these are actually as wild as that time I spent 2 months with a religious cult doing manual labor and living out of an abandoned, half-destroyed school building because my cousin talked me into it. i had to watch a dramatic reenactment of the crucifixion of Jesus on my very first night that brought the whole gymnasium of strangers to wild, howling tears while I was awkwardly clapping my hands as my cousin sobbed incoherently into my shoulder. i once dog-sat a bluetick coonhound for 2 weeks in the dead of winter, and the snow if his yard was so high that he was able to jump the fence and book it down the street. i had to chase him through knee-high snow for over an hour before he stopped to sniff a bemused old lady long enough for me to catch him. i once had a customer at the restaurant rail at me for a good twenty minutes because she was absolutely sure that we did serve pineapple upside down cake and i was just withholding this dessert from her, specifically. the bar for “jobs I would apply for” is so low that I actually thought “well as long as nobody spits in my face, pukes on me consistently, or shanks me in the kidney again I could probably do anything.” although to be fair to my case manager i did not mention those things to him (except the pineapple upside down cake lady because I mention her all the time, i am still pissed off about that situation). also, my sister was actually the one to have a dog wake her up in the middle of the night only to puke directly into her mouth, but I watched it go down, so the psychic trauma of witnessing that still exists.

#honestly i think my poor social skills get me into half of the situations in my life #because i agree to things before i process them because most people talk and talk too fast for me #so i spend the whole conversation trying to keep up also figure out what the hell we're talking about #and then at the end i turn to my sister and say 'so what was that about?' #and she says something like 'you signed up to sell fireworks out of a tent for all of july' and i just have to run with that #the other half of the situations just come from having relatives and family friends that actively seek out situations #but want to drag someone adaptable and chill along who will also not say 'that's literally insane. no' when asked #also i need less cousins who take the zombie apocalypse life tip of always bringing a slow runner with you to situations #like i am a small person ok. my legs are shorter. i can't help it that everyone else is sprinting around on their stilt-legs #also just like i like to take walks with my dad because the mosquitoes love his blood way better than mine #i have a history of 'first person to get stabbed in a situation' that is probably just due to being the weakest looking person in any group #and i don't really panic in emergencies. i don't really know why. maybe it's something to do with being autistic #but if someone is screaming in pain and writhing on the floor #or an alarm goes off #or a bus skids on the ice and smears a stranger across the sidewalk right in front of me #or if i get mugged in a coffee shop while i'm studying for exams #i don't really do the things that other people around me do in the same situation #i personally think that the bubble i exist in just runs slower than everyone else's #so they're all having their reactions and freaking out while i'm still like 'damn something sure is happening right now. #am i supposed to do anything about this?' #and then if the answer is: 'yeah you should probably calm down that guy on the floor. figure out why he's screaming. then call 911 maybe?' #then i'll just do that while other people are saying things like 'oh god what's happening?!' #like if i panicked every time i had a dog that i was responsible for make a stupid life decision in front of me #or had a cult member ask me. an atheist. if i felt like i connected with god at the emotional catharsis activity #or honestly even just every time i've ever been stabbed in the left kidney even tho that's only happened twice #then i don't know i would probably be doing a lot of panicking #maybe it's an energy thing. i feel like panicking requires more energy than i usually have access to

[crispnebula]

learning new programming languages is both, a blessing and a curse

#:/ #why are all the tasks that are not exclusively sql assigned to me and me only #one of my teammate gets exclusively sql tasks #which i guess justifiable because she's supposed to be like really good at it #but another one of my team mates gets NOTHING #and i get everything else #from c sharp to powershell to python to god knows what #i even had to debug an android application even when it wasn't mine to do #but i had to help because otherwise the blame would be on me that my application isn't supplying the correct data to the android app #It helped that i had android experience and i could figure out the issue #when the person in charge of the app couldn't for literally months on end #and I'm just so frustrated #some of my seniors #and i don't want to bad mouth them #are put simply incompetent #He is a system architect he should know make his system scalable #but no #And when i suggest something that would be scalable he dismisses it like it's nothing #it was a good Fucking suggestion #We went to doing it his way #and after a couple of weeks we realised #surprise surprise it wasn't Fucking scalable #god I'm so tired of this bs #I just want to have a decent time working #Is that too much to ask #At least my team lead is a good Fucking manager #Or istg i would've quit #Two thirds of the tasks that come to the team come to me #No wait scratch that my lead does work too #So only half

[nuklearis-sutotok]

... Vent post, delete later.

#Okay but the lack of understanding of the nervous system and brain at this time... #Like you tell someone your brain is broken and you don't really receive proper pain signals #And they assume you're either full of it or you must be numb #No my guy I don't feel anything but I can sure feel that bone moving around in ways it is not supposed to #eds and asd for the win you know? #Not receiving any pain signals means I assume it feels what it feels like to you but I have no basis of reference for that #your perception of the world is not mine vice versa #You certainly believe me after all the times I've accidentally run my hands under scalding water... It's more than surface deep I'm afraid #I'm sorry I moved the thing. I obviously did not do so on purpose. #Is it so difficult for people with working nerves to fathom? Seems like only those without get it. #They think you must mean a high pain tolerance. No. There is no pain. Only wiggle. #It's much more messed up than that.

[harmcityherald]

The turtles got their new food and they seem to be liking it well. They had been using the sandbox all night in and out so it looks like I will be building a much bigger sand unit onto their enclosure. My other tank got a very expensive cleaning last night for peppermint and foremost. I also was able to get them an air stone. I also bought anything to vacuum out their tank and so last night they got quite the cleaning which will be finished this morning. I was also able to get half of my cutting done in my garden yesterday so my garden is finally taking off as well. Hopefully today I can put it in a little more work and bring my garden a little bit closer to being started. Artemisia is very watchful that I don't overwork myself because sometimes I have a tendency to where my garden is concerned. So the coffee is made and I'm sitting outside and enjoying it right now other than the fact that all my dinosaur buddies are sitting here in a circle looking at me in the trees bullying me to give them more food but we of course has suspended operations because of the bird flu. Sorry little guys but I think I know better than you I can read the medical journals you can't. So until I feel like it's safe again you guys are on your own I hate to say that. I guess I will offset that by giving my inside buddies a little more attention than they've been getting. The little tank is looking a lot better. Foremost loves the air stone much more than peppermint does. I think our reading let us to the correct decision that the snail needs an AirStone and that is exactly what she got. I also scraped off the six masses of eggs that she laid around the top of the tank, luckily I don't have a female to fertilize them all or I would have a million snails like I'm afraid I'm going to have a million Turtles before it's all over with. I won't be able to release them in the wild if it actually happened but we'll cross that bridge when we get there. I love my critters and my critters love me.

I would add more tags but they only allow me a certain number so I should end it there. Or else I'll talk myself right into a bad mood. And that's not fair to my little buddies is it?

Mark my word, we are all going to live to see the day to read about that man doing something incredibly stupid. I'm not going to try to lay any future or philosophical View on what that could be. Trust me, he's a pedophile with an arsenal of ghost guns. And it's a situation that I'm too old to try to help and solve. My other two grandchildren the one being autistic and the other being transgender make me want to reach out and help them and yet the transgender child is under extreme brainwashing by him. One time he even told her that he would fuck the lesbianism right out of her, and for me that's not something that should ever come out of a father's lips to a daughter ever no matter what the situation is at all. And yet that same transgender child, under his pristine Direction, hates my very guts. The only one in the family who would actually call you by your real name and would refuse to use your dead name and yet I guess the fact is that Alan loves his father and any concessions that meat had makes for her must make her feel at least somewhat accepted. But because of the Meathead Saga I do not get to see those two sets of grandchildren anymore. Because I'm a deep state leftist, if you can actually believe that's a reason to hold your children back from someone. That's very sad to me I have seven grandchildren all together. It is only two that I get to react and deal with everyday living here with me and I'm so thankful of that. Many people would say it's a financial burden I should not subject to myself to. But I've always been a firm believer that you never throw kids to the wind ever. Especially not in this fucked up world the way it is now. If you throw your kids to the Wolves you're no better than a Spartan throw in your baby off the edge of a cliff. And that's not how I was ever taught that parenting was done. I have never raised a hand to a child ever not in my whole life. I've always gotten so much more from children when you talk to them and treat them like people the people that they no doubt are.

Anyway, Meatheads brand of ineffectual terrorism doesn't really scare me in any way. I have no idea why I'm really on this this morning. Perhaps the youngers are arguing last night reminded me of the tension in the house when Meathead was here pretty much destroying everything in his path. We're trying to destroy everything in his path which included me. I had six police officers and four doctors all together bum rushed me in the room to convince me that I needed to press charges. I told him if I pressed charge does that means I won't be able to get them out of my house and the only thing I want is for them to be out of my house like tomorrow so I didn't press charges against him, which I'm sure he walks around in his own little tiny house Castle now Vindicated somehow that the cops wouldn't touch him when really it was me that kept that from happening. Trust me if it had been any other situation I would have made sure he got every little bit of punishment he deserved for it but it was more important for me to clear this place out and have a nice calm place for my Artemisia and our wonderful youngers

#my turtle chronicles #my critters #turtles #fish #a snail #two kitty cats #and all my plants Aquatic and otherwise #gardening #spring has sprung in rannyland #Cthulhu is coming up I will show a picture of him later he is my Herald of spring and he is coming up and that makes the third year in a ro #Happy Coffee to all my little listeners and all My Little Critters are determined that it's going to be a good day #better just make sure you make artemisius coffee the right way #the youngers had a fight last night and it looks like one of them didn't come home so I'm a little worried about that #but I didn't like the way I heard my granddaughter being talked to and although she's upset today maybe it's for the better #he giving her a hard time for going out with her cousin while every time he goes out with his friends he ends up with a goddamn charge. #but I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing as a pop pop I'm there for her for whatever she needs #I love my grandkids more than life itself #them and my Artemisia make me so thankful to have been allowed to be part of their family and so grateful to get to be the grandfather #I think more parents should feel that way instead of feeling burdened or some idiots who like to run their house like a army base #we all remember the Meathead Saga don't we? #he is on the bus idiots who has to sit at the top of the dinner table everyday and make his children sit in front of him #like some idiot from a Twisted Sister video #there was no wonder he and I did not get along #not to mention he was trying to squat and steal my house and then he tried to take my life #somebody that's one family member I'm not to enamored of having #and I've also made it very very very clear that he is no longer welcome here and that I will have no more talks of that anything with him #I think that every family has at least one person in it who is under the completely wrong assumption that they are a master manipulator #everybody's got the narcissist #maybe yours is a parent mine was a middle-aged asshole who thought he was a parent and is still failing miserably at that fact #you know he actually convinced the state to pay him to stay at home to care for his autistic son which sounds really good on the outside

[some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat]

I'm not narcissistic* I just unrelatedly have a complicated relationship with self esteem a need for external validation a constant hunger for attention trouble connecting with humans and struggles with delusions of grandeur due to trauma some of which can impair my ability to function not everything is the last disorder I learned about and tried to understand with my big broken empathy that often overshoots and does things like make me feel drunk if I think about a drunk person for top long without ever having been drunk

*this post is pro NPD I'm just anti incorrectly self diagnosing myself because if I wasn't I'd be hoarding all the disorders

#sfw #personal #ok to reblog #am I being sarcastic? no... unless I am but I'm not but I could be if I was but I can't be cuz I ain't #which is to say that I don't even know it's intentionally vague it's Schrodinger's sarcasm #if it's silly to say I'm not narcissistic then I'm sarcastic but if it's incorrect to say that I am narcissistic then I'm not sarcastic #but I'm not. right? because I shouldn't be because that would be weird because I'm not. right? I'm not because that's not mine. #oh actually I know what I'm trying to say it's that I never suspected this when I was younger and everything else I kinda already knew #I can't just have a disorder that had 0 foreshadowing #that's not a real reason but it explains why I've felt like it inherently shouldn't be a thing #regardless there are logical reasons to deny it but it's nice to know where that less rational feeling came from #my life doesn't do shock value plot twists it's all about the foreshadowing. to the point of um. #yeah no that's like uh. I'm gonna stop now that's prime delusion material. #tw unreality #cw unreality #because I believe my life must adhere to narrative rules and that's a thing I'm aware isn't supposed to be real 👍 #what was I talking about #I think I was done really. send post.

[einaudis]

.

#so I have this cousin #he's my mom's favorite and she never denied it #he studied because of her every job he's got was because of her #she did everything for him all the time #I jokingly (not really) say that he's her son and I'm the niece #I need you to understand that he IS her son and she'd die for him #she values his opinions more than she does mine and saying I've been a second priority for her when he's involved #is lying because I've never been a priority for her whenever he's in the picture #which... I made my peace with that #BUT... wanna know what happened????? #HE LEFT THE COUNTRY WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #SHE /JUST/ LEARNED HE LEFT BECAUSE MY UNCLE (HIS DAD) TOLD HER!!!!!!!!!!! #HE LEFT /DAYS/ AGO AND HE DIDN'T TELL HER! #and look I won't be a bitch about it but it serves her right because somehow along the way* she forgot I'm supposed to be the daughter #not him #and he proved her that he didn't care about her the same way he cared about his own mom (which I assume it's what people with normal... #relationships with their moms do but ok that wouldn't be me so I don't know) #I'm not gonna lie either we got close (cousin and I) since out of 20 cousins we were like part of the last 5 remaining in the country #so yeah it kinda sucks that I'm more alone (proper English?) now and I lost someone else... but yeah #he'd be a bastard about how he got stuff from my mom while I never got anything #so yeah... it's complicated #but yeah... it serves her right #random #personal #my shitty English

[rottingsick]

I need a new fuckin vent blog but I'm so tired of account hopping at this point

#text #rotting #no rb #mine #I have like what. how many tumblr accounts. #the old main. this one. the horn one. the one in which I'd get blasted off the face of the earth for. and then my one for thing im tryna do. #that's 5 whole tumblr accounts. not blogs. accounts. #all with their own emails #I wish I could start over here but that's not really how it fuckin works. no one likes when you change anythin about how you present #yourself to the world. they want easy static palatable people. who gives a shit if you've changed over time. #who cares if you've learned from your past mistakes. who cares if you've gained more nuance now #who cares if your fundamental identity has broken down far from how people know you #its such a fuckin joke #I only feel comfortable on the morally reprehensible blog but I don't want to taint it with more than it's meant to be #it's my safe space and I'm not gonna ruin it just because I'm fuckin insane again #my 'about me' on here is just full of wish wash now #this blog was supposed to be my place to be free but the more it continued the more I was trapped and constrained into the idea of what #others wanted me to be and the pressure to stand up for what I thought was right at the time when really all I want to do is curl up in #a ball and fuckin wail all the time lately #this isn't a place for me anymore #not to mention I really didn't know how to feel about my husband stalkin me far past when he said he'd stop #its just a fuckin mess and a fuckin joke that's all it ever was

[gojonanami]

JEALOUSY, JEALOUSY.

↳ JJK MEN: HOW THEY FUCK YOU WHEN THEY'RE JEALOUS

↳ feat. satoru gojo, suguru geto, kento nanami, choso kamo, yuta okkotsu

cw: 18+ only, nsfw, overstimulation (f!), dick drunk, orgasm delay (f!), riding, semi-exhibitionism, spanking, teasing, dom! geto, soft dom! nanami, breeding, body worship, pleasure dom! choso, unprotected sex, creampie, marking, oral (f!), fingering (f!), facesitting (f!), marking (f!), geto uses the term "monkeys," degradation (slut) in geto's blurb, ijichi and ino mentioned in gojo's and choso's blurbs respectively, a/n: the only way to read the title is to the tune of olivia rodrigo's song. also its my first time writing yuta - be gentle.

SATORU GOJO | overstimulation, dick drunk, orgasm delay

jealous of laughing at another's joke

"T-Toru, ngh, please, I can't—" and you're only met with a laugh, his lips pressed against your neck, as his cock continued to fuck you.

How many times had you cum? You had lost count. Your cunt was soaked with your release, along with your thighs and his cock, slipping down his skin as he fucked you hard and fast.

He was relentless, maybe limitless, especially today.

"You can handle it, sweetheart, know this little cunt can take it," he's grunting, as his fingers dig into your plush thighs, "haven't broken this pussy yet," and you couldn't bring yourself to be concerned about the "yet" as he brought you to cum yet again, and you were sure if every word hadn't been fucked out of your brain— it had now.

Your eyes were glazed over, fucked out, as you stared up at him, as only pauses a moment, to press your thighs to your chest, "gonna fuck you right, baby, gotta kiss your womb," and you're whining, and he's only pistoning in deeper, "not so funny now huh?" he's hissing as you grow even fuckin' tighter — how was that possible?

"what are you—" and you whine as his tip grazes even deeper, and you're sure he's somehow fucking your stomach now, "are you jealous of Ijichi?"

"Don't say his name," he gives a particularly rough thrust of his hips to punctuate his point, drawing another squeal from your lips, and yet he's the one who brings him up, "fuckin' laughing at his joke like I wasn't even there. He isn't funny. Nowhere as funny as me!" and you're already close again, tears pooling in your eyes, as you stammer.

Was he really that upset because you laughed at an old friend's bad joke?

"Toru, a-are you serious—" and he's slowing down now to a tortuous pace, as you whimper, "baby, he just made a joke, I was being polite," you can't even laugh at how ridiculous it is with how badly you want to cum.

"Only i'm supposed to see that smile, that laugh," and he's teasing you with the tip of his cock now, dragging it in teasing circles around your clit, "you're mine, mine to make smile, make to make laugh, mine to fuck," and he's fucking you again, bottoming out in one thrust, "say it, baby, tell me who you belong to,"

And your back is arching, throat raw as you tell him just how much he owns you, as you orgasm for the nth time, and he's not far behind, his hot release spurting into your needy cunt, as he fucks it only deeper.

"Toru," you moan again, "Toru, fuck," you murmur, fucked dumb by his dick, as you both come down from your highs, "were you really that jealous of—"

And he only pouts, pressing his lips to yours again, "Don't say his name," and he's pressing needy kisses to your neck, as he pulls out, your mixed cum leaking out, before he's slipping two fingers in, pulling another moan from your lips, "by the time I'm done with you, you won't even remember his name."

SUGURU GETO | riding, semi-exhibitionism, dom!geto, spanking, degradation (slut)

jealous of you talking about someone else

"Princess, you can do better than that," Suguru is clicking his tongue, as you split yourself open on his cock, warm walls squeezing all too deliciously around his already drenched dick, as only whines and pants left your kiss ruined lips, "gonna have to be quieter than that if you don't want someone else to hear—"

He had you riding him in a side room of a temple he used often to collect money, some his other followers congregated in the room over to hear him "preach of the new world." Bullshit that he fed to monkeys that made them full and happy and complacent -- but right now, he had something else that was making you feel so full.

"C'mon baby, ride me like you mean it," he coos, and his hand is coming down on your ass with a mean spank to your already sore ass, heat blooming from the impact, "you certainly had plenty of effort when you were sweet-talking those damn monkeys, didn't you?"

"Sugu, I was just trying to help," you whine, as his hips snap against yours, making you squeal, as he finds his way even deeper into your already fucked out cunt, "I just was--"

"You were flirting," he hisses, as his hands find their way to your hips, forcing you to meet his upward thrusts, as your hands cover your mouth to muffle your moans, "you love this, love it when I fuck you like this, think you want them to see you like this, grinding on my cock like a slut," you whine, but his words only makes your sweet cunt give a telltale clench around his dick, "that's it — you can lie, but your princess cunt can't, baby,"

"Sugu, please 'm close—can't—" and his hands are pulling back, letting you do all the work, and you do, fucking yourself stupid on his cock, the wet squelch of your pussy ringing in your ears — so loud, you can't understand why someone hasn't burst into the room yet— but you can't bring yourself to care, when you're so fuckin' close to cumming.

"That's it, fuck, s'good for me," and he's pulling your hands away from your mouth, letting your moans resonate and fill the room, as he watches a white ring of your cum form around the base of his cock, as he grunts, dick twitching as your walls cream around his cock, "now moan my name as you cum so these goddamn monkeys know whose cock you're bouncing on."

KENTO NANAMI | soft!dom, breeding, hair pulling

jealous of running into an ex

"Did he ever make you feel this good?" Kento's question murmured against your neck, as he presses soft kisses to your neck, dragging his leaking tip against your aching cunt, "did he love you like I did?" And his fingers sneak under your head, making your neck arch as he tugged your hair.

"N-no, Kento, he didn't—"

"He certainly acted as if we were the same," he scoffed at the thought of your ex, the one you had dated before Kento, who had the audacity to approach the two of you today. Catching up with you and even touching your arm, as if your husband wasn't there, even ignoring him, until you introduced him. They had shook hands, and you knew Kento had squeezed his hand a little too hard, but now those same hands were gripping you softly — but firmly.

"He's nothing compared to you you're everything to me," and he's rewarding you with sinking his tip into your needy pussy, "ah, Kento, please stop teasing me," you whine, a noise leaving your throat that you didn't even know you could make.

"You're practically sucking me in, but did you do the same for that bastard?" he's dragging his cock up and down, driving you insane with how your walls squeezed, trying to pull him in, but he resisted every tempting contraction of your sweet cunt, "did you take him this well?" and his teeth graze against the soft skin of your neck, "did he make you beg for him?"

"Only you make me feel this good, only you, Kento, only you make me this needy, make this pussy so—" and he's sinking into you, slowly, torturously, but pleasurably — inch by inch, until he's bottoming out, but he doesn't move, not at first, "please, Kento, please—move—"

And he obliges you, thrusting into you, fucking you in earnest, his cock dragging against your walls with each snap of his hips agianst yours, "such a needy baby," he grunts, "your cunt is trying to hold onto me even as I pull out — is that how much you want my cock? Want me to fill you?"

You're nodding, moaning his name, as you meet his lips in messy kiss, all tongue and teeth, as he fucks you harder, "Look at me, baby," he orders, and your eyes flutter open, meeting his lust clouded gaze, making you all the more sensitive to his touch, "want you to watch me as I breed you," and you're groaning, pussy twitching at the thought, "how're you even tighter?" he grunts, "want me to breed you, don't you? Want me to fill you with my cum? Make you full with my children," and your head is thrown back, voice raw as you can only groan his name again and again.

"Kento, mmph, 'm s'close, can't,"

"Cum for me, baby, let me fill you," he's finding your lips in another sloppy kiss as you cum, hard, walls gripping him as he fucked you through your orgasm. And he's cumming too right behind you, filling your womb with his hot release, "good girl," he murmurs, pressing sweet kisses to your chest, "but if you think I'm done, we're far from finished," and he's pulling out slowly, before gathering his cum that leaked out on his fingers before slipping it back into your still sensitive cunt, "we're not going to be getting much sleep tonight, love."

CHOSO KAMO | body worship, pleasure dom, oral(f), squirting, implied oral (m!)

jealous of a fellow sorcerer flirting

"Cho-so! Nugh, please—" your fingers buried in his black locks, hair ties long since come loose from your tugging — and you're not even sure if you want to pull him closer, or push him away, "i can't—"

"I know you have more in you, my love," he's only murmuring against your sweet cunt, tongue flicking against your swollen clit, "need to feel you flood my mouth, need to taste every inch of you,” he’s re-doubling his efforts, his hot tongue dragging your gummy walls, making good on his promise, “sweetest thing I’ve ever tasted — how are you this perfect? How do I deserve you?” You look at him, nestled between your thighs, his lips and chin glossy with your release, tongue darting out to lick your pre from his lips.

“Choso, y-you do, I love you, only you,” and he’s peering up at you with a lidded gaze — but you see something else besides lust — insecurity lined his furrowed brow, and then it clicks, “you know that Ino was just being friend—"

But he’s burying his face back, fucking your cunt his his tongue, as his thumb teases your needy clit, your words falling away to pleasure.

“It wasn’t just friendly. He wants you. I know the lustful gaze of a man, especially one who wants what I have,” he mutters, as his teeth graze your inner thigh, drawing a gasp from your lips, “but how do I have the right to you? Half curse, half human — what am I really to have the right to be with you?” And then he bites your thigh, pulling a loud moan from your lips, “but I can’t help but want you.”

“I love you, only you, I don’t care what you are. I love everything about you because you’re mine. My Choso,” you manage between pants, as your fingers tug his hair to force him to meet your gaze — make him see the state he’s left you in — utterly fucked out with your chest rising and falling, your eyes glazed over with lust, “please, I need you—"

And that’s all he needs to redouble his errors, rubbing himself on the mattress below him, certainly soaking through his boxers and the sheets.

“Mmph, Choso, please, I’m—“ and his lips latch around your clit, sucking hard, until you squirt on his face, and he’s eagerly lapping up your release, as you moan his name. He’s slurping and swallowing your cum with lips quirked in a smile, his groans and grunts only making your cunt flutter around his tongue.

And he’s pulling away finally, an unspoken question on his lips whether he did well, and your only response is to pull him into a kiss, tasting yourself on his lips, before flipping him over. You kiss your way down his body, as you tug his boxers down to free his erection, tongue grazing the underside, making him groan.

You grin, “My turn.”

YUTA OKKOTSU | fingering (f!), marking, face sitting

jealous of an ex you just broke up with

“Yuta, please—" the last word comes out a squeal, as his calloused fingers tease the crotch of your shorts, a warm heat settling over your skin all at once but all too slowly — like the start of a wildfire.

"I told you I'd help you forget about him," he murmurs, his long and lithe fingers all too skilled, as they snap the waistband of your shorts against your skin, "he never deserved you - you're special, especially to me," and he's pulling down your shorts, until you're kicking them away at your feet.

And this fire had spread far too fast — especially with his fingers teasing your folds through your soaked panties.

“Still thinking about him?” Yuta asks softly, his words soft but not the intent, and he only sighs at your whine, "I'll have to do better for you then," and his fingers slip past your ruined underwear as they tug the fabric down your thighs, making butterflies bloom in your stomach before they surely burst into flames from the fire Yuta is brewing, as two fingers part your dripping folds, "already so wet? I've barely started,"

"Yuta," and he's pausing, as you try to form a sentence, but only comes out as a single word, "more," and his lips quirk into a smile.

"Of course," and he's fucking you open nice and slow, your pre slipping down his fingers onto your hardwood living room floor, "i've been wanting to do this for so long — has your ex ever done this for you?" and you only swallow, whining when he stops, only continuing when you shake your head, "you deserve so much, you deserve the world," and a third finger sinks into you, making you cry out his name, "that's it, love, let me make you feel good."

"Yuta, please," you moan, as his fingers drag against your needy cunt, as he noses the nape of your neck, placing wet kisses along your neck, before his teeth graze your sensitive skin, sucking and licking marks that surely will dot your skin the next day, "ah—"

"Mine," he murmurs, and that makes your cunt twitch around his fingers — god you were so close, so close—and that's right when he's pulling his fingers out.

"Yut—" and he's licking your release from his fingers, before he's tugging you into a bruising kiss, sticking his tongue out to meet yours in a messy kiss, before he's pulling you on top of him, wet cunt pressed against his chest, "what are you--"

"Sit on my face," he says, his pupils nearly completely dark as he meets your gaze, "i want to show you what you've been missing -- how you deserve to be treated," and the blood rushes to your face, as your head shakes no, but he can feel your pussy say yes -- walls squeezing around nothing, "please,"

"Yuta, you don't have to—" but he's unwavering in his gaze, "what if I crush you?"

"It wouldn't be the worst way to go — you know I did have a secret execution scheduled before," and you smack him, but he only catches you by the wrist and kisses each finger, licking your fingertips, sending heat right to your cunt, "let me make you feel good — better than he ever has," and now you realize what it is — it's jealousy.

So you settle above his face, your cheeks burning as you feel his breath warm your aching pussy, "don't worry," and he's helping you ease yourself onto his lips, and right before his tongue drags slowly along the length of your sopping cunt, "you won't remember your name, much less his, after this."

a/n: i just realized i used a similar line in gojo's and yuta's, but y'know what, like teacher like student. what was this? who knows? will i do something like this again? maybe.

#sab [mlist] #satoru gojo x reader #geto suguru x reader #nanami kento x reader #choso kamo x reader #yuta okkotsu x reader #satoru gojo smut #suguru geto x reader #nanami kento smut #choso kamo smut #yuta okkotsu smut #jjk smut #jujutsu kaisen smut

[elytrafemme]

sometimes i wonder if things would be better if klavier was the host of this system. 

#nightmare.system #like he's. i mean. we're really similar i guess. #he's older. more stable. more frequently manic but a lot less angry. #had a panic attack and couldn't tell whose it was. mine or his. it should have been his but here i am anyway. #i mean he's like. he's different we're not the same but just. i don't know. #klavier was never just a fictive honestly. he was kind of bits and pieces of people i used to know #i don't know. even if they showed up it's not like i'm going to be nice to them so i don't know what i expect here. #it's just. i know i don't relinquish control frequently but it would be nice to have those kind of fun system experiences. #like the most fun we ever had was deciding birthdays. literally everything else were things i made up us doing. #that's the thing. my imagination is overactive. so half my relationship with klavier isn't even real. #irl people need me but online i think it would be better if he just came and swept me away and took over. #not because i don't think people like me. i know people do. #but trying to talk to people is like. trying to claw through a fucking wall. while every scratch mark is felt on your own body. #with him he just did it. because he's the kind of person you just want to talk to. the kind of person you always think to forgive. #i don't know. i don't fucking know anymore. #i don't know how to phrase this but like. the last time i saw him it felt like he didn't know me anymore. #all my systemmates know something they refuse to tell me. they will literally front and take over so they don't tell me. #how am i supposed to trust them when they can't even act like they know who i am? #can't even pretend? #i don't know. that's it. i don't know.

[inkskinned]

the car broke down by the denny's where you used to work and therefore could never return to. i am trying to pick out the satisfying parts of my life, one-by-one, like i am 12 and in a frog dissection. everything in my life all viscera and formaldehyde. if i can sort the good things from the bad things, i will have a nice clean pile.

i call you and make it sound like i am happy and hangin' in there! when really i am kicking a rock and i am outside without a jacket and i am so in love with you it makes the little bones in my ear shake. someone called my tinnitus an angel choir. i like that it means i carry the echo of every concert.

this isn't the right setting for love. this is a roadside, and a denny's, and i am nauseous and ashamed i never escaped the town where i grew up. the clouds here are this strange yellow, like spilled sour milk. "someone once told me that the orange coating on the teeth of a beaver is due to the particularly high rate of iron in their enamel," i tell you. "the beaver is the largest rodent native to north america."

your voice is crackly on the other end. i'm going into a garage soon, i might lose you.

what i should be doing is calling the tow truck and explaining that my brother's car (that i'm borrowing) (that i broke now, i guess) needs to be lifted by another, bigger, stronger car (which is love too, i guess).

i shouldn't say so much. i should wait, and let you ask about my mom, and ask if i ever got over that cold, or how it's going at work. i should let you lead the conversation, for once, so the love doesn't leak out of me into the gravel. i open my mouth anyway. "if you had to choose between being a beaver with very few trees or being a tree around a bunch of beavers, which would it be?"

i don't know. your voice always has this warm cast to it when you talk to me, but maybe i am just imagining that - i am a poet, though, so i imagine things sort of chronically. through the static, you sound like you're laughing. are you the beaver?

i know, like, logically, not to fall in love with a girl-that-is-your-best-friend. like, who would i even call if we broke up? you're my best friend, you're the person i'd want to speak to. so what if these last few months we keep sleeping over at each other's houses, calling each other for hours, sending each other poems. so what if you keep wrapping your fingers into mine. no best friends. that is the first rule. what you are supposed to do in that situation is leave the situation.

but my car broke down, so. where exactly am i going to go? the car is a very-old chevvy and also where i almost-but-not-quite kissed you after you'd raised one shoulder and looked up at me and said i don't know, i think i'm straight, but for the right person - i'd try anything. the music had been good and it had been raining and your thick eyelashes had made me feel god crawling up my throat like a spider. and i didn't kiss you, because i am a coward.

anyway on the chevy the whole exhaust pipe fell out, and is now scraping on the ground like one silver finger stroking the back of the highway. recently we were watching netflix in my bed and you pushed my hair back from my face like you were making the slowest, most desperate prayer, and then your boyfriend called. i remember us both jumping. i couldn't look at you in the eyes for like a week after. i kept feeling the heat of your fingerprint; computer science, you'd unlocked something dark in me.

google says the closest tow (joe's pick up) is 50 minutes away and also closed permanently. so that's not great. you live in another state and i should be calling my insurance company. i should be calling anybody else. this is not helping. i need an uber. i need to get moving. instead i say: "i need three words for a poem."

yesterday i said love you, goodnight after our 2 hour call like always and then you just, like. paused. all i could hear was your breathing. and then you'd said what a pretty three-word poem. i love you too, sweet thing. the words made my tinnitus act up again, and i must have some kind of synesthesia, because the sound travelled into my mind until it became the shape wedding rings.

orange, you say. the static is now chewing through most of your words and i only catch - borrowing the chevy -

the call dies. i have 12% battery. i never get the 3rd word, but i know you're still going to get a poem from me. actually this rest stop is kind of pretty, and so is the exhaust pipe, and so is joe's pick up, and so are the clouds. the light here is the color of a glue trap. before you worked at the denny's, we used to get milkshakes every wednesday and called it a friend date. you said you'd wanted to work there because it reminded you of me.

the sign's gone dim. the letters now spell out deny. and isn't that something.

#spilled ink #ty nat #ps if anyone wants to send me money for a car. you'll never guess what happened :')

[vamptastic]

been starting to realize that ive been doing Real Bad for a Real Long time and it's a bit scary. ive upped my antidepressants which should help in a couple weeks (and them starting to wear off is probably what caused the depressive spiral, tbh). and honestly just knowing what's going on and being able to take active steps to fix it instead of feeling like ive just suddenly lost my ability to be a whole human person is helpful.

but god it's so scary that i was like that for months and didn't really notice. i mean, obviously i knew things were bad, but i was really attributing it to a personal inability to keep up with the expectations around me and not realizing i was mostly struggling so much because my mental health had tanked. i managed to scrape my way out of this one without crazy longterm damage, beyond worrying some teachers, missing the early application deadlines for a couple schools, and overall reinforcing the idea that i am unwell and not to be trusted with my parents, but it's very demoralizing to know that even though i work very hard when i'm able to there will probably always be periods in my life when my depression impedes me from amount of work expected of a normal human being.

i mean, i'm still in high school, and i couldn't keep up with just coming to school every day and keeping up with classwork. i'm not saying this makes me a terrible person, contributing to society isn't what gives someone worth, but i know i'm capable of more without this setback and it's frustrating.

just, i don't know what i'm going to do once i live on my own. having people around me who can look at me and say 'hey man you are clearly going through some shit take it easy' is the only way i can snap out of episodes like these thus far. ive been looking forward to college and feeling like my life and time is going towards a meaningful purpose for so long and i am going to be so, so upset if i fuck it up.

it just hurts having high expectations put on me, i guess. i don't want go on a litany of gifted kid woes or whatever but i am very intellectually intelligent and adults have looked at that and assumed i must succeed and if i'm not i'm not trying hard enough. it's great when i do achieve something big and i get to fulfill those expectations but i just don't know if i can, in the long term.

i struggle with such basic parts of being a functional adult. and i know my parents and teachers do just want me to be happy and don't care if i don't end up where they thought i would, but it just always feels like there's this better version of me out there if i could just stop missing school and stop procrastinating and really apply myself. but when i DO apply myself i quickly burn out and enter another destructive spiral.

there's not really a point to this, i guess. just that i want to succeed and i don't want to fuck it all up for myself because my brain tells me it doesn't matter for a few months. it does, when i'm not depressed i do care, so so so much, and i hate having to fight myself for what i want.

#txt #i know there's like a lot of internalized abelism here #i mean idk that im disabled per se but #its easy for me to look at someone else and say that just living is all that is required and ability to work doesn't give you worth #but i can't really apply it to myself #kinda for commie reasons. i believe strongly in the power of my ideals i guess. that everyone should want to help other people. #that a good life is spent fighting for others rights. that that's a virtue. but i mean. #that's kind of contradictory cos like who is fighting for my life and happiness? why does other ppls wellbeing matter but not mine? #and i guess i need to learn to see life as more collaborative. each to his own ability yk? #like every person should help others as much as they can. but if they can't at all? it's okay. #even if they can't do as much as others think they would bc of their mental health. also okay. #it is just hard to actually believe that when so few ppl actually believe their life should be dedicated towards smth useful to society #that their personal wealth and comfort while still valuable is not more valuable than others. t that they should care abt those worth off #guess there is value to the idea that you should get to do what you want with your life too. suppose that is the primary issue w communism #i mean every job is valuable to society nvm. anyway I'm sort of off the rails here uhm #depression sux im sick of it i want to be an environmental engineer and i don't want this to hold me back.