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hotvintagepoll · 2 months

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Propaganda

Greta Garbo (Camille, Anna Karenina, Queen Christina)—Enigmatic and alluring and made me bisexual. The perfect example of the eroticism in silent films that literally transcends text. Could literally not change anything about her expression but you knew by looking at her eyes what she was thinking. She’s so gorgeous.

Lilian Bond (The Old Dark House)—I owe whoever submitted her for the prelims a huge bouquet of roses bc WOW I'm in love?? The prelims grouped all the ladies by decade and the way she stood out against the beauty standards of the 30s immediately caught my eye (and also that unfairly sexy pic good GOD). There's something about her that feels so real, like you could just walk up to her and start chatting away. I wound up watching The Old Dark House for her and was so charmed. She's so fun to watch! Look at her eyes! Her eyebrows! Her Cupids bow! Her legs! She's both sexy and cute, silly and serious, and I find her absolutely enchanting.

This is round 2 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Garbo:

A cold-ass Swedish WLW Sphinx. Had plans to murder Hitler that she never got around to. "She will remain always a child of vikings, moved about by a snowy dream."

First of all, she's on the money; that's how much of a treasure she is. She's beautiful in such a distinct way you need very few lines to draw her. (Drawing by Einar Nerman) She managed to be mesmerizing in both silent and sound films. She kissed a woman in Queen Christina (and probably several more in real life). She was super dry and really funny in Ninotchka. She got the hell out of Hollywood and stayed out, living for almost 50 years after her retirement.

Garbo is one of the many reasons why I'm gay. If you haven't seen Queen Christina please do, She is so gender in that film. Also her accent makes it sound like she's always talking in cursive and it's so hypnotic (or at least I think so).

She's a gay introvert, like all of us here on Tumblr.

Mysterious and aloof, charismatic and enigmatic, with beautiful androgynous characteristics, Garbo is undoubtedly the most eccentric and unique Hollywood vintage star. Her aversion to fame and stardom makes her even more desirable to the audience, and her insane chemistry with the camera, an actress one of a kind! Her particularity and her oddity is what discerns her strongly from her hollywood co workers at the time, noone was like her and would never be like her. I think, to the utmost extent, that she deserves the title of the hottest vintage star, even though that would be an understatement of what she is!

SO gorgeous, her thick Swedish accent makes will turn your brain into pudding

Probabaly a lesbian, absolutely a mood when she retired

Bond:

I know you've said you prefer text to pics but I just love this first pic so so much - she just feels so present and I feel like it captures everything I love about her so well.

you guys, she's literally sooooo cute! i had no idea before i saw her acting, but she has this lovely sort of lively, natural energy. she's really just a joy to watch! thanks to the person who submitted her for introducing me to her! ❤️

#lilian bond #greta garbo #hotvintagepoll #fuck that old woman #ladies 2

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themetalhiro · 3 months

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you thinking i said she hates him when i clearly used "dislike" because it's nowhere near hate is insane. marcille is nearly always uncomfortable around laios because his personality is incredibly off-putting to her. she never goes out of her way to interact with him more than necessary. she very obviously tolerates him and is generally fine with him but has no desire to be actual friends with him. dont put words in my mouth. the desire people have to make straight couples out of a series where the most important relationship to the story is a fairly explicitly lesbian pairing is absolutely unreal

( Anons last message for context )

You sound very silly right now anon, I just have to say it. Do you also think chilchuck is there for his paycheck only?

You can feel extremely strongly that something is suggested, but if it’s not canon, it simply isn’t canon. I could argue that marcilles succubus (the things that shapeshift into what the victim finds most appealing) was a male prince. THAT’S canon. Do I think because of that, marcilles staunchly straight? No. That would be extremely stupid.

You may interpret the relationships in the series however you see fit, that’s your right. That’s what I’m doing. None of them are more important than others.

I AM noticing though while you’re taking what you read between the lines as absolutely unarguable, you’re missing the in-your-face fact that Marcille, besides his eccentricities that exasperate her, genuinely respects Laois as a leader and a person. She enjoys his friendship and cares for him deeply. It’s displayed in every chapter of the damn comic.

You have tunnel vision for your own ship. That’s fine, but keep me out of it! Maybe try fanfic if that’s all you give a shit about? If it helps you sleep at night, I think farcille is cute and has plenty of merit too.

#maulding and seething at me reading ‘strongly dislike’ and ‘hate’ as basically the same word is hysterical #if you still want to tantrum my dms are open #I’m not answering your anons any more it’s embarrassing #chatter #dungeon meshi

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paranoidginger · 19 days

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My personal rankings of different tf2 ships that I've seen!!

1- I don't like it at all. 10- I love it!!

Heavy x Medic: 11/10 I absolutely adore them together, they're perfect for each other.

Heavy x Spy: 5/10 not my personal favorite, but I don't hate it.

Heavy x Sniper: 2/10 I've never actually seen this one before, but I don't really care for it.

Heavy x Scout: 2/10 again, not a huge fan. I honestly see Heavy as more of a father figure to scout.

Heavy x Pyro: 5/10 another one I haven't seen before, but I don't mind the idea of it. Their chemistry could be interesting.

Heavy x Soldier: 6/10 I haven't seen very much of this ship, but I do think they're funny together. They definitely have some potential.

Heavy x Demo: 5/10 another I haven't seen before, not quite sure how to feel.

Heavy x Engie: 5/10 POOTIS-

Demo x Soldier: 9/10 only docking a point because I see them more as platonic soulmates over being in a romantic relationship.

Demo x Medic: 5/10 not a personal favorite, but they are definitely funny together.

Demo x Scout: 5/10 another one that I don't feel very strongly towards.

Demo x Pyro: 7/10 Fire and explosions, my friends.

Demo x Engineer: 6/10 I can see them as drinking buddies when they aren't on the field.

Demo x Spy: 4/10 never seen it before, don't care about it either.

Demo x Sniper: 10/10 I wish they had more interactions together in the comics with both of them conscious. Swordvan is in my top three for sure.

Engie x Scout: 1/10 not a fan of this one at all. I see Engie as far more of a father figure than a romantic interest for Scout.

Engie x Soldier: 7/10 not my preference, but they can definitely be cute together.

Engie x Pyro: 0/10 They are literally family in my mind, Engiedad moment.

Engie x Medic: 8/10 They're definitely besties, but I don't really ship them myself, personally.

Engie x Sniper: 4/10 I don't think I've seen this one before. I don't care all that much for it though.

Engie x Spy: 10/10 Perfect slow burn dynamic, I love them together.

Medic x Spy: 5/10 I can understand why people enjoy it, it's just not my cup of tea

Medic x Sniper: 5/10 again, just not my personal favorite.

Medic x Scout: 1/10 Yet another situation of me seeing a character as Scout's father figure.

Medic x Soldier: 5/10 another uncommon one! They do have their charm together, I can say that.

Medic x Pyro: 4/10 I don't care very much about this one.

Sniper x Scout: 8/10 I fully understand why people like this ship so much, for me, however, it is simply outweighed by swordvan.

Sniper x Soldier: 5/10 not sure how to feel about it, it's another very uncommon one.

Sniper x Pyro: 4/10 don't like this one a whole lot, even though I haven't seen it much.

Sniper x Spy: 1/10 Unpopular opinion, I know. It just feels weird knowing that Sniper is the same age as Scout, who is Spy's son.

Spy x Scout: -9999999/10 WHO THE HELL WOULD SHIP THIS- straight up NASTY.

Spy x Soldier: 5/10 I feel pretty neutral on this one.

Spy x Pyro: 2/10 I just don't see it happening.

Scout x Soldier: 4/10 I don't hate it, but I don't like it very much.

Scout x Pyro: 9/10 I think they have a lot of potential together! I like to call the ship "Hotwings" because it's funny.

Soldier x Pyro: 2/10 I really just don't see it happening, tbh.

Honorable mentions!

Pauling x Scout: 0/10 Scout, you dumbass, she's a lesbian.

Soldier x Zhanna: 10/10 They're both so dumb, but so adorable together.

Saxton x Bidwell: 10/10 Yes. Simply, yes.

Admin x Pauling: 0/10 Ew.

My top 3 tf2 ships are!!!!

Heavymedic

Engiespy

Swordvan

I do apologize for the lack of Poly ships in this list, this on its own was a lot to keep track of, lol.

#tf2 #team fortress #tf2 ship #tf2 ship ranking #scout tf2 #soldier tf2 #pyro tf2 #heavy tf2 #tf2 demoman #engineer tf2 #medic tf2 #sniper tf2 #tf2 spy

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squirreljc2 · 8 months

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I’ve been thinking about why I have mixed feelings on OFMD season 2, and I think I’ve partially figured it out?

In this season, they’ve introduced some really strong new characters like Zheng and Archie, and I love both of them. But it kinda feels like the writers don’t know how to keep new characters around with some kind of romance? I do really like Jim and Archie’s relationship, and I think they’re very adorable, but I also don’t think they needed to be a couple, at least, not yet? Jim and Oluwande were one of the best relationships in season 1. Their relationship was full of pining and missing each other and now they’re just… different. They’ve had one conversation this season that wasn’t about Zheng, and there has been no conclusion to the relationship they established in season 1 (which was explicitly mentioned by Zheng when she asks about the status of their boatmance, and there’s never a clear answer given). Archie and Jim being in a relationship is weird to me with how quickly this happened. It sorta feels like denkins heard people wanted lesbians and just sacrificed a major established relationship for a brand new nblw couple. Archie doesn’t really strike me as the relationship type from what we know about her, so her coupling just feels like a way for them to keep her around rather than a genuine move the characters would make. (She gives me the biggest aro vibes). And Zheng and Olu is just. Strange. Olu is canonically oblivious to all of her advances until right before they leave her ship, but they treat it as though he’s been pining for her this whole season. Which. Is not the case. Again, it feels like the show is pushing him towards Zheng to clear a path for Jim/Archie, and so they have a reason to keep Zheng around. The women in this show are all very strongly written, but they’re all being shoved into romances with the central crew of the ship, which is just unnecessary. They even gave Spanish Jackie a crew member husband (which again, IS A RELATIONSHIP I ENJOY). It feels as though the writers don’t feel like they can come up with a better reason for a woman to stick around besides coupling her up.

Also, I do think this season having fewer episodes is detrimental because we can’t focus as much on the non-captain part of the crew. Season one did a great job of fleshing out the crew and their backstories, but season 2 has had such a heavy focus on stede and Ed that everybody else has fallen to the wayside.

I am enjoying the season, but I do miss the ensemble-y vibe from season 1

#ofmd spoilers #ofmd #our flag means death spoilers #our flag means death #jim jimenez #jim ofmd #jim and olu #oluwande boodhari #jim x oluwande #ofmd oluwande #olu ofmd #archie ofmd #Zheng ofmd

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charmixpower · 24 days

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I've always loved how committed Timmy was to finding Tecna and thinking about it sent me on a long path of thoughts and I landed on this: how do you think the specialists +Nabu would react if they thought their girlfriend was killed?

Not well!!! Thank you for the Ask :D

Sky: idk if Sky or Brandon would be able to sense Bloom and Stella like Timmy was able to do for Tecna so I'm just gonna assume no bc everyone below them can. I feel like he wouldn't believe it???? Bloom was killed? No she wasn't. Shut up. Like it's half denial and half "have you seen the bullshit magic she's capable of??" It would take Bloom's actual corpse to convince him she was actually dead or a REALLY convincing illusion he could touch. Then he's all fucking sad. Sky is a mom friend so he's going in between extreme sadness and trying to end the person who did this

Brandon: Anyone else except me and Jester notice how Brandon was the most calm at Nabu's funeral???? I feel like he'd have the least worse reaction, not in the sense that he's not upset but in the sense that he has the best handle on his emotions. Like he still gets VERY upset and wants revenge but he's not gonna fucking go berserk and cause problems like Helia and Riven would. He IS still going to try and stab whoever did that to Stella though, he's just going to be slightly smarter about it. I feel like he'd also try and get everyone else to be more careful, around the threat, not himself tho. My Brandon has magic but idk if he'd b able to sense Stella bc his Erakylon tutors wouldn't focus on stuff like that

Timmy: I won't type on this one long because well we know he can't be convinced Tecna's dead unless she's actually dead bc magic, but if he actually thought she was killed he wouldn't try to attack the thing that killed her, he'd try to retrieve and protect her body. Timmy is one of the few people who can keep a level head when upset, including Brandon, and is willing to let the magic people do the magic fighting and stay out of their way (Brandon is also smart enough to know he's not much of a help but is confident in his skills enough that he knows he CAN still help tho)

Riven: Timmy knows Tecna is alive bc it's sorta implied that he can kinda sense her magic?? Like he says he can still feel her, and I'm assuming that means her magic. Anyways you know how Riven could still sense Darcy in s2 after they broke up???? Riven couldn't be convinced Musa was dead unless she actually was dead. He can feel very a lot more strongly than Timmy can feel Tecna I imagine bc he could still sense Darcy's presence after they broke up, so it would be stupid hard to convince him she was dead. If you did somehow manage this he'd attempt to get revenge and then immediately collapse with depression since revenge was gotten. He doesn't handle things well in general, and that's like. The light of his life. His person. He'd literally stop functioning if she was dead

Helia: You'd think bc Helia actually has magic his ability to sense Flora would be stronger, but like it's not terrible but it would be as vague as Timmy's is in canon bc he never uses it. In my hcs it would be better bc he goes to CT and actually uses his magic more often, but he'd still be doing worse than like Nabu, who is a lot better at magic. Helia has a tendency to lash out when Flora is in danger so I think if he genuinely thought she was dead for any amount of time he would be going full war path until he realizes she's alive. When he does realize, bc it will take him a second, he immediately calms down and starts putting together a plan to help Flora

Nabu: he would not think Aisha was dead unless she was actually dead, same reasons as everyone else but his magic is stronger so he'd be the hardest to convince. But like, let's pretend he did actually think she was dead, I feel like he would go full Dungeon Meshi lesbians. He will go any length to revive her if she's dead, and bc she's not dead he's using magic to divine her location and go and get her. Nabu is very into writing spells and runes and arcane magic and there is nothing magical he wouldn't try to get Aisha back. Mans was already so dedicated to getting to know her, combine that with him being in love with her and there is nothing he wouldn't do

#winx club #rus chatters #asks #winx headcanons #winx club headcanons #winx sky #winx brandon #winx timmy #winx riven #winx helia #winx nabu

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mysticalfestivaloperatorbagel · 1 month

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I've been questioning if I'm on the aromantic spectrum, and recently learned about squishes (non-romantic version of crushes) and zucchinis (name for non-romantic partner who is more than a friend). As annoying as jargon is, having these words and seeing them used by people with similar experiences has helped me so much in figuring out my relationships.

I thought I had a crush on a man because I had a desire to be close with him, but it was confusing because I consider myself a lesbian. We now have a very strong friendship and while I feel a deep connection with him, it is purely a platonic feeling. He is the first person I thought of when I learned the word "squish," and the new vocabulary help make sense of similar confusing feelings I've had for others.

I've had a relationship that was neither platonic or romantic but still incredibly strong and intense. When I think "have I ever been in love before" I say yes because of this person. Even though she is alloromantic and had a partner, we had plans to be entwined in each other's lives and she was the most important person to me. I definitely had no romantic feelings for her, but when we "broke up" it was different than losing a friend; I felt like I couldn't survive without her and felt so broken I didn't think I could love anyone else. I would have absolutely called her my zucchini if I had the terminology at the time, and that's the type of long term partner I always imagined myself with. I don't think QPRs are necessarily stronger or weaker than romantic relationships, to me they hold a similar level of significance but just feel tangibly different.

I recently started seeing someone in a more romantic way, but both of us have blurry lines between romantic and platonic feelings. We have strong feelings for each other so we decided to keep "dating" and be confused together for now <3 But learning about zucchinis helped clarify a lot for me, in this case because I have a word for what I DON'T want. I've had squishes that I wanted a QPR with (I saw someone call these squashes?) but that's not what I want with this person. I want all of her, I want her so strongly it keeps me up at night, I want to wrap myself up in her and kiss her until I can't breathe and love her deeply enough that she understands how special she is. I've never felt this way before and I still have some blurry lines, but I know this is closer to a romantic attraction. I know I don't want to be her zucchini I want to be her girlfriend.

People have told me I can't be asexual AND a lesbian, and I think I've written off being aromantic for a similar fear of not being allowed to be aromantic AND a lesbian (bear with me here). But I've used the split-attraction model to validate my separation between romantic and sexual attraction, and I have to remember I can do the same for other types of attraction. Zucchinis and squishes are the first time I've heard aromanticism described as an ALTERNATIVE to romantic attraction instead of a LACK of romantic attraction. So maybe I am not completely aromantic, but now I am more comfortable thinking of myself on the aro spectrum (maybe grayromantic?). Platonic, romantic, and queerplatonic relationships all mean something different to me but are all important.

I'm not a big fan of hyperspecific labels for myself so probably won't regularly refer to myself as an asexual-grayromantic-lesbian. But it's grounding to have the words to understand myself.

#lgbtqia #asexual #aromantic #asexuality #aromantism #aromanticism #lesbian #zucchini #squish #aspec #Madness

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joltyflare · 12 days

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(Sun and Moon Show Theory #5: Ruin X His Roxanne, A Possible Tragic Love Theory )

Wow, it has been a while since I've made my last theory. It was also Ruin-related because I mayyy have an obsession with him. Anyway, this theory is one I've been thinking about a lot lately.

Anyway, in this theory I will be discussing why I think Ruin got together with the Roxanne in his universe. It might get a bit long since I want to piece together his past, personality, and the few things we do know about him. I'll also be adding sources/timestamps if I can and posting a more digestible version of this on the official discord lol.

So far, we know Ruin's dimension was destroyed by the Creator and he watched everyone around him turn against each other due to the virus and then inevitably die. We know he felt very strongly about this. Strongly enough for him to be willing to pretend to be a maniac for years on end to survive just to be able to eventually destroy 5,000 universes worth of evil Creators. Not only to save universes but also to avenge his friends (source: WHY WAS ECLIPSE MADE?!?! in VRChat, 5:38, though I believe was mentioned multiple times). Note that he sounds very deeply sad when talking about his friends, which is in contrast to how he sounds a lot of the time.

This means he was probably really close to the animatronics in his universe. Closer to them than Sun and Moon are to anyone outside their family I bet, seeing as he didn't have a whole celestial family in his universe like what Sun and Moon have going on in their universe. After all, Sun and Moon merged and there was no family drama to come. No Earth, Lunar evil Eclipse (he was the only Eclipse), etc. He likely got to bond with the other animatronics in the Pizzaplex and get to know them, making him become way closer than Sun and Moon are to anyone outside their family. Of course, this would mean he would inevitably interact with Roxanne Wolf.

Now, it's very crucial to mention, in our main universe, Roxanne was wanting to date Sun. Sun was also wanting to date her. In fact, he really, really liked her. The thing is, they were very, very close to becoming a couple, but then Eclipse came in and did that whole maternity chip thing just to spite Sun and then, on top of it, made it so that everyone (Roxy included) hated the celestial brothers for a good while. This led to Roxanne ending up with Glamrock Freddy (only for them to split up a few times and her becoming a lesbian) and Sun being single, not really ever having another chance with her. Sun also sorta convinced himself she wasn't worth caring about and seemingly doesn't have feelings for her anymore.

However, in Ruin's universe, Roxanne never had a maternity chip installed by Eclipse. Also, Ruin himself is a merge of Sun and Moon, and it is very likely that he could have kept Sun's love for Roxanne. He has shown an interest in her during the October takeover, which is the biggest thing that leads me to believe he romantically cared for his Roxanne too! (Source: please tell me when this happens!! I actually forgot, though someone brought it to my attention as well!)

Another thing I thought was important to mention is Ruin's mannerisms and intelligence. I think his polite way of speaking and his love of using extravagant language is something Roxanne (especially early on) would like. I can see him easily being able to think of ways to compliment her and give her an ego boost or just make her feel loved. It's safe to say he really had a chance with her if he wanted in that universe. I think he would've also been the perfect match for her.

In our main universe, Roxanne lost her self-obsessed nature over time and became more caring to her partner, who was Glamock Freddy for the longest time. I think the same would have happened for Ruin and Roxanne, since Ruin is intelligent. Maybe he would have seen her potential as well and seen her more than just pretty to look at the way Sun had.

The tragedy part would come when the virus happened. Roxanne would've been lost to the virus. From the sounds of it, it seems like Ruin only realized what was happening to the others a bit too late (source: WHY WAS ECLIPSE MADE?!?! in VRChat, 5:06). Which means he was probably scared and confused when the virus started infecting everyone. This would mean Roxanne potentially becoming hostile toward Ruin for no reason or maybe worse.

Another theory I had is that she possibly became the first to die. Maybe the virus itself killed her because she couldn't handle it? Someone has mentioned she has always been a bit vulnerable to that type of thing and it would suit her. I know someone had to have died first. When Ruin is in his cell in Parts and Service, he says to Moon that he should mourn with friends stating that it's beneficial, adding that he would know (source: Eclipse Wants to KILL RUIN in VRChat, 10:24). He's speaking from personal experience. This means he and some friends mourned someone he was very close to. What if that someone was Roxanne? What if she died as the virus started to hit before everyone else fully went insane? We don't know her fate, as it is never stated, and it's plausible.

If they were a couple, it would've ended in tragedy. He would have lost her somehow. Not to mention Gregory would've also died.

Ruin also corrupted his older memories. He also does not seem to like thinking back to the time where he pretended to be a killer maniac robot. Yet he has let Moon do other things to him, worse than just looking at past memories and usually has kept his indifferent composure. Maybe some things were to personal for him to allow others to see...

Anyway, this is just a little theory of mine lol. I think it's possible and likely and I'd actually like if it happened because it'd add even more depth to Ruin's decision to destroy 5,000 dimensions! If anything, it's nice to speculate on his past because there's a lot we don't know about him.

#sun and moon show #tsams #sams #tsams ruin #sams ruin #ruin tsams #ruin sams #tsams theory #sun and moon show theory #the sun and moon show

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the-lark-ascending69 · 3 months

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The Robin x Nancy x Steve love triangle is compelling not when Steve and Robin's friendship is nearly destroyed just over a girl, but when their own flaws lead them to distrust and hurt each other. They just happen to come up and be in opposition to each other when they're in love with the same girl. Maybe Robin gets excessively excited, thinking she will have Steve's unconditional support, and then becomes defensive and retreats back to her more mean and sarcastic persona when she realizes Steve very strongly opposes to her pursuing Nancy (babygirl decided to spill her heart just the moment before Steve was going to tell her he and Nancy got back together). Maybe Steve's mistake was clinging too much to Nancy and the future he himself imagined for both of them, and assuming Robin would never actually interfere in his heterosexual picket fence dream, because she would inevitably find another lesbian to be with and certainly not his dream girl, Nancy Wheeler. Maybe Robin feels his opposition as a personal attack (Nancy is his girl, at his point, why wouldn't he tell Robin to back down?), and bites back because she feels like a cornered animal, desperate to defend herself (no, she's not fundamentally broken! She's allowed to feel! Don't hurt her!). Maybe Steve should have considered the fact thay Robin isn't his personal support lesbian and it's unreasonable to expect her not to develop feelings for a girl that wasn't even dating him at that point yet. "If you loved her so much, maybe you should have told her about your feelings before I told her about mine! You can't get mad at me! I didn't even know you liked her! But you do know she doesn't like girls, right?" He says. And she says "you don't even know what she wants because you never listen to her! Steve The Hair Harrington only ever thinks about himself. And to think I actually thought you weren't a mayor asshole, but it seems you were just watching from afar, waiting for her to leave her boyfriend and come back running to you and your six babies."

She thinks she was stupid for letting his charm affect her enough to befriend him, and he's just angry she suddenly gets to have a say in his relationship (even though he would realize she was right about Nancy all along if he just listened to at least one of them for five minutes).

#ronance #i think i came up with a new au #is this ooc? idk its been a while since i watched the show i'm just here for ronance #its almost 5 am maybe this is incoherent. if i hate it when i wake up ill just delete it ok goodnight #an important point here is that robin is convinced steve is being a terrible boyfriend and she is RIGHT #but she feels like a monster trying to get the girl all to herself when saying that

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vacantgodling · 3 months

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right, sexualities of all my MAIN characters from ALL my wips (as i can best describe them)

i'm leaving out rouge ocs like stellan or lauchlan just cuz they don't have a story they're just vibing lol. i'm also leaving out ones where i genuinely don't know yet like itri or seamus.

hyacinthus shrapnel (paramour) -> gay but extremely picky. he was wholly uninterested in sexuality and sex AT ALL until amon

amon (paramour) -> gay and he’s being very whorish about it

lavendula calderon (requiem for the monochrome) -> bisexual but hasn’t really been able to explore her attraction to non-men until the story starts.

erecia (requiem for the monochrome) -> straight-lesbian. she’s butch & troibemme (nb in this universe) but would consider herself bigender she/he in our terminology and fully considers herself both a man and a woman at the same time. she would honestly prefer the label straight-lesbian more than sapphic bc she’s not a woman all the time and that speaks to her experience more than anything.

narcissus spokes (prim & provocative) -> aro-graysexual (sex and romance positive). it’s something she comes to discover throughout her narrative. she doesn’t really experience or feel romance or desire for sex in a traditional way; she desires being wanted so she wants those things for herself but she doesn’t experience the actual attraction herself. she didn’t realize it bc on paper before her divorce, she didn’t have to question any of it—being with myrtus and being casually intimate but never hot and heavy seriously never bothered her. once he leaves though, through meeting new friends (i’m cooking) and generally going through it grants her new perspective.

tagetes gunn (empire) -> aroace (kink positive). the only attraction they have is to power.

kirsi sunniva (alizath) -> bisexual, with a preference for mascs

quill (teardrops of the gods) -> bisexual, with a preference for femmes

darren de leon (vampires don't take roadtrips) -> bisexual with a preference for mascs. he actually thought he was gay for most of his life until he turned like 14 and then he realized "oh, girls are kinda hot too"

julissa vaughn (donut wip) -> bisexual & polyamorous. the dream ending of this wip is her, joaquin, andres, saul and daisy ending up in a quintouple but alas.

noi randiche (noi, alone) -> nblm. they're nonbinary and they like men so. they don't really like labels anyway, but if they had to describe it that's what they'd say.

jenna magboo (jenna the reaper / jenna the witch king) -> bi-ace lesbian. she and carlos are in a qpr basically but in terms of fleeting romantic feelings she'd align more with lesbian (all of her 'crushes' have been women or femme-aligning but she doesn't experience attraction That strongly) but she also doesn't think she's had enough experience to say she's not bi also. lesbian is an important label to her especially because both of her mothers are lesbian, but she also knows she's young and likes the complexity of her labels.

carlos carvalho (jenna the reaper / jenna the witch king) -> aroace (sex/romance repulsed). in a qpr and is a caretaker of jenna - though when i say they're in a qpr its a very unspoken thing between them. like, jenna's whole goal is to become a witch and then make carlos her familiar so they're never separated, so i think that's very explicit about what they are to each other pff.

n blackburn (dead rites) -> the way that n barely registers his sexuality bc he's married to his work LMAOOOO. he'd say that he's pan, it really has more to do with the mental connection than physical attraction for him so anything is fair game (but again... married to his work actually)

beau bellerose (dead rites) -> gay gay homosexual gay

jihan (supernatural dads) -> pan, he's too old to have a preference and he's very open to experimenting.

hue rvynwell (supernatural dads) -> gay and he definitely had a crisis about it when he was growing up. however in his family it was such a nonissue LMAO they were like "why the hell would we care about that just make sure you have a kid" and whaddya know, he had 2!

piper fairwind (tcol) -> queer probably but she doesn't really think about any of that. if she were in our world, labels would be like the most meaningless shit to her LMAO.

san dearborn (tcol) -> aro-queer. romance is just not something she can wrap her head around however she does get into a... teammate with benefits relationship in book 2 that i think is funny as fuck.

deux undershield (tcol) -> literally the first cishet character to appear on this list LMAO

forte symphonia (tcol) -> bisexual

clear brightendale (tcol) -> gay and he's hiding So Deep in the closet he needs someone to tell him its ok to come out lmaooo (aka: literally everyone)

di absyna (lukewarm rejection) -> gay but at what cost (his strict religious parents being generally horrible is one cost pff)

toph (lukewarm rejection) -> bisexual and a menace, but mostly attracted to mascs.

nyseah nicoletti (nondisclosure) -> she's trans heteroflexible basically. she's mostly attracted to guys but she also definitely cares more about a connection than anything else so she's open to exploring. (also she's pff married to my partner they love her LMAO)

donte macbride (nondisclosure) -> gay but more than being gay, he's fucking exhausted.

alona springwell (nondisclosure) -> the second cishet to appear on this list LMAO.

dagmar (celestial weddings) -> being mspec and polyamorous is literally just the default sexuality of the world of celestial weddings so yeeee.

graves (the graves we dug) -> FAGGOT COWBOY YEEHAW. pff but yeah he's gay. and sad.

dove (the graves we dug) -> another faggot cowboy lmao he's gay.

calvin im (purple haze) -> the first cishet dude on this list

jake deluna (purple haze) -> bisexual but he has a rough time coming to terms with this.

nevaeh (god eater) -> tbh i don't think nevaeh even knows what sexuality is (being a beacon of paradise is a very isolating lot in life) but i think they're probably gray across the board. the idea of romance or sex isn't really something they have much of a concept in their brain yet but they're curious about it.

little bear (god eater) -> mspec polyamorous; he doesn't really have time for relationships most of the time but he's definitely open to being ridden by anyone who wants to give it a go.

taj (god eater) -> pan and very in... some sort of codependent infatuation with thei.

thei (god eater) -> pan and tired. in a codependency relationship thing with taj.

lennon rhapsody granger (gothica) -> a surprise cishet appears.

aurora o'rion (gothica) -> bisexual and a whore about it

morrigan briarcos (gothica) -> gay and longsuffering. lennon is his (1) exception.

chidori jonson (train master chidori) -> just generally considers himself queer :)

nyoka (the virgin of mt heredosa) -> demi. its verin or bust.

verin (the virgin of mt heredosa) -> mspec but he's a centuries old god so like the concept of sexuality is mostly funny to him. he likes what he likes.

red (red death and the oracle's favor) -> aroace (sex repulsed bc of trauma). her and hel are in a qpr and i'm obsessed with them and their relationship

hel (red death and the oracle's favor) -> gay but loves red more than he loves dick and that's saying something. he doesn't expect her to say it back or feel the same as him but she cares about him in her own way and he's extremely not normal about it. he also wants to jump arden's bones and Did.

arden (red death and the oracle's favor) -> gay but he can't be gay and the king so he's very closeted. not unaccepting of it but he definitely is not talking about it and only allows himself to indulge with hel under the cover of darkness.

ranger pellish (sixteen candles) -> aro-bisexual and Very sex positive. he's such a slut and he lives by that. him and nan are basically a qpr.

nanette rosenfeld (sixteen candles) -> lesbian but she & range are inseperable and she's definitely given him the strap on many occasion to make him shut the hell up.

tuker hayes (sixteen candles) -> disaster bi with a 13 year long crush on vani he's hopeless.

vanilla vega (sixteen candles) -> demi-pansexual <3

roger grant (sixteen candles) -> probably not straight but is he willing to admit that to himself right now? absolutely not :DDDD

marvin (marvin & linda) -> sexuality doesn't matter because the company is more important (probably gay but yknow. his identity is kind of irrelevant to him)

linda / stephen (marvin & linda) -> mspec but marvin's the first person he's had a connection with on a romantic level.

prosper morning (the white shirts) -> hasn't thought about it too hard, but he definitely thinks marin is attractive and he Hates That a lot.

jane morning (the white shirts) -> she hasn't thought about it before so unknown

marin (the white shirts) -> gay asf

noh bell (noble) -> gay gay homosexual gay space super solider teehee.

peri (peri & dandy) -> outside of dandy, most lifetimes he's demi-gay. but he's really only ever attracted to dandy

dandy (peri & dandy) -> outside of dandy he's pan but he's also only ever looking for peri and only sleeps with people who have "peri energy" (whatever the hell that means lmao)

utah (broken clouds) -> fagggggggggggggggggg

gator (broken clouds) -> faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggg

slug (broken clouds) -> literally they don't know or care about any of that.

sjaak de witte (btaf) -> if he were in modern times, he'd be bisexual probably. and suffering.

biscella (btaf) -> another surprise cishet but i think in modern times she'd also probably be bi i just don't think in the canon verse she had the thought or bandwidth to explore her attraction to women (much to azelie's sadness)

#dude idk what to tag this as PFF #character stats #ig #idk

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campgender · 3 months

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“Fems wore pants”: gender non-conforming fems of the 1940s & 50s

note: most of the narrators quoted in these sections are white; Marla, mentioned in excerpt 3, is a Black woman who did not strongly identify with roles when interviewed in the 80s and was a fem in the 1950s. Sandy and other white butches perceiving Marla as more masculine than she identifies, while an issue also experienced by white narrators, is likely influenced by racism / misogynoir.

image description: six screenshots of text from the book Boots of Leather, Slippers of Gold: The History of a Lesbian Community by Elizabeth Lapovsky Kennedy & Madeline D. Davis (1994).

excerpts 1 & 2:

[…] even wore pants. Joanna remembers how much she liked her first pair.

“At that time slacks weren’t really that popular.… And to wear a pair of slacks was really kind of looked down on because they just weren’t worn for everyday attire. That wasn’t part of the wardrobe. That was part of somehow, say you were going riding, or you were roughing it. But if you went out you didn’t wear them. My first pair of slacks I thought were the greatest I ever had in my whole life.”

Even when they both wore pants, there was a definite difference in the appearance of a lady and her butch. Joanna mentions the distinguishing features of fem appearance while remembering a time when in the late 1940s she and her butch were harassed by some men after leaving a bar in Manhattan. “I was wearing pants too but I had, like I had a blouse on. I had makeup on. So evidently we did look a hell of a lot [like a gay couple], well my hair was [done-up].”

excerpt 3:

Although Sandy assumed that Marla was butch due to her short, curly hair and her athletic demeanor, Marla identifies herself as more fem in later interviews.

excerpts 4 & 5:

Fems wore pants as well as skirts. Annie describes her costume of the late 1950s.

“When I first started coming around and hanging around in those bars I used to wear skirts, high heels. I used to wear my heels all the time. And then I started getting into the habit where we were wearing slacks and jerseys. Dungarees weren’t really in for girls then. It was slacks. And then on occasion you’d wear a dress; you’d dress up.”

A few fems in the late 1950s wore only pants. This defiance of the feminine dress code did not bring censure from other butches and fems, but it did get Bell in trouble with her probation officer.

“I was a very rebellious person, I didn’t like the officer because, she insisted that I wear skirts to report for probation. One time I went there and I had jeans on and she said, ‘I thought I told you to wear a skirt here.’ I said, ‘Well I don’t happen to own any skirts and I don’t have the money to go out and buy any.’ She said, ‘Well borrow one then.’ She made me go home. Somehow I had to go and borrow a skirt. I came back and I had a skirt on. And she was just so nasty. I said ‘damn,’ in my heart, I was just so aggravated and angry about everything, I said, ‘I think I’d rather just go and do the six months rather than have to come down here and report to this asshole.’”

excerpt 6:

Although unquestionably fem, Bell did not appear traditionally feminine, ‘i’ve had many people, though, that have taken me to be a butch because I do not like dressing really feminine, and I feel that I do have some butch ways that have lea people to believe that I just might be a butch. I’m not real feminine acting.” Feminine appearance and mannerisms were less important to her identity than sexual interests and her need to be dependent on someone “strong.”

end image description.

#fem #femme #gnc #queer history #1940s #1950s #quotes #image described #homophobia #harassment #racism #misogynoir #misogyny #mac’s bookshelf #boots of leather slippers of gold #everything goes back to femme

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introvert-celeste · 10 months

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Here's some Raine headcanons I'm pretty sure I haven't mentioned yet!

-They have two moms: one is a cis lesbian, the other is a bisexual trans woman. They love Raine a whole lot and still refer to them as their baby. "Come on, Ma, I'm 45 years old." "Yes, our 45 year old baby <3"

Cis mom is a bard, not quite as proficient as Raine but still very talented. She is a master of several instruments, but her true passion is singing. She started out as a street performer and eventually had a successful--if short-lived--career in musical theater as an actress. She later became a music teacher, but she still does performances on occasion.

Trans mom is a healer, though she spent most of her young adult life as a wild witch, dabbling in plants, potions, and even oracle magic, as well as bard magic. Yes, she has a genuine interest, though it was mainly inspired by her desire to avoid dealing with people as much as possible. She loves her wife and she loves Raine but she isn't really a people person. She eventually joined the healing coven due to continued harassment from the emperor's coven and forfeited her involvement in any other type of magic.

-Owing to bard mom's musical talent, Raine has a beautiful singing voice (they are a master of any and every instrument, including their own vocal cords).

Singing is the reason behind their stage fright. They were given one of the major roles in Hexside's production of the musical "Rats!" in which they would have a significant singing role. Everything went well enough, but when it came time to sing, they froze on stage and forgot all of their lines. They never sang in public ever again and even grew weary of instrumental performances.

-Raine and their moms are kind of the black sheep of their family and therefore don't have much of a relationship with any of them.

This is kind of random and based only on their hair color, but I like to think that Raine is distantly related to Odalia, like third or fourth cousins or something.

Bard mom was disowned for having a "useless" and "unprofitable" career, hence why Raine feels so strongly about proving that "bard magic can be cool."

-Dell and Gwen are good friends with Raine and their parents due to Raine's relationship with Eda.

After Eda ran away from home and avoided contact with her parents, they would contact Raine instead to ask how Eda was doing. Even after Raine and Eda broke up, they still regarded Raine as part of the family and would check up on them from time to time.

#the owl house #toh headcanons #raine whispers

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ellmaii · 1 year

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Something I noticed since getting into tumblr are the amount of post bashing Mileven in favour of Byler AND the amount of people claiming that they don’t love each other.

It seems that a lot of the post used to explain why Byler should happen are an analysation of Mikes and Elevens relationship and why they don’t think they’re compatible. If people don’t believe they love each other that’s fine but why must that mean Mike likes Will instead?

Will likes Mike, at this point it’s very obvious and has been hinted at for a long time. BUT, what gives people the impression that Mike likes him back? What gives people the impression that Mike is homosexual at all? Sure, we’ve never seen him like a girl other that Eleven but at least we’ve seen him be visibly attracted to one girl, but I’ve never seen him be that way towards another boy. We have seen him compliment her appearance on many occasions and not just to be nice because you can see the attraction on his face. He clearly enjoys kissing her. I know people like to point out the scene where she says ‘I love you too’ and his shocked and non verbal response to her kiss but to me it was just that, shock. Shock that she knew the what he said the whole time and that she felt the same way and expressed it for the first time unexpectedly. He’s very physically affectionate with her and expressed that she’s the most important thing in the world to him on a number of occasions and not always through words, but his actions. When it comes to Will though, like the rest of his friends he tends to neglect his relationship with him in favour of El. Even when Will is practically crying out for Mikes attention he doesn’t even notice, everything to him is about El. Obviously he’s his best friend and he loves him but I never understood how Mikes feelings for him could be interpreted as anything other that platonic.

I don’t speak on behalf of all gay people but I’m a lesbian who didn’t come out until I was 15. Now I’m 20. Before that I had a few boyfriends, trying to convince myself I liked them because all my friends had boyfriends. I remember when I’d kiss them it felt like a chore, I wouldn’t let a kiss turn into a make out session because I would get uncomfortable. I found it disgusting and I’d share that opinion with friends. I never really had any real physical attraction to the boys I dated. It was always I liked the way they dress and their personality and respect they had for me but nothing more. When I see Mike with El, how he looks at her, his protectiveness, always wanting to please her and buy her gifts and his displays of affection, hand holding and kissing.. I see myself with girls I like, in ways I could never see myself behaving with a man.. because I am not attracted to them. As a lesbian who has experience zero and one sided attraction relationships, I cannot comprehend how people argue that Mike is gay. In all honesty, at 13 when season 1 came out, his behaviours towards El we’re always something I looked for in a relationship and never found until I was true to myself and found it with girls.

I tag Byler, Mileven, Anti Mileven and Anti Byler in this post NOT to be disrespectful, disregard how Byler shippers feel or try to convert anyone to shipping Mileven BUT to give the opportunity to hear why people believe so strongly that Mike has feeling for Will. I do not understand but I’d like to. None of the post I have read so far have given me the impression that Mike feels the same way for Will so I want to understand where people get the idea from.

#anti mileven #anti byler #mileven #Byler #eleven #will byres #mike wheeler #elmike #byler is canon

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communist-ojou-sama · 10 months

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Okay, done. Let me get my thoughts in order here. This is about Otherside Picnic volume 8 by the way so like. Viewer beware I guess.

I'd been struggling, seeing all the lovely analysis by others, to get a hold on what I felt was going on thematically with this novel having not touched it directly since January, and having devoured it perhaps too quickly back then. So, where to start? Freud, I guess. It's no secret that Miyazawa is very interested in academic research in general, given our setting and the lengthy scenes of Sorawo's seminars to which we're treated, not to mention Kozakura's mention of the similarity of interacting with the Otherside to having various psychiatric ailments, so, let's take a step back. What does it mean, anyway, to engage with the Otherside, on a thematic level? I think there is a very strong case, perhaps made elsewhere, that it has to do with engaging with the id, the most fundamental part of our psyche over which we have the least control. honestly, given how the novel ends, this is maybe just text and not subtext at this point.

It has long been clear that Miyazawa is deeply interested in the intersection of trauma and desire, but in the first file we can see he's handing us a map. First, we have our scene between Sorawo and Toriko that establishes the frame narrative for the rest of the novel, Sorawo has to tell Toriko how she feels about her, there's no longer any avoiding it.

The problem is, Sorawo has always been drawn by the Otherside, the irrational and unknowable base of emotion, which defies the construct of language and consensus reality itself, for her, being asked to take that roiling torrent of id and make it into something socially legible is, well, deeply boring. (I strongly agree personally)

And so we have a number of what are basically Socratic discourses on the nature of desire, and how that desire is constructed by society (Benimori) and how our fundamental urges are related to reality (Tsuji). I'll have to chew over what Tsuji herself represents in the narrative, but that's my read for now.

The reason why whatever it is on the other side of the Otherside (lol, also not going to speculate about what that is here) uses terror to connect to humans is because terror is one of our most primordial emotions, one of the ones closest to the id. To interact with the Otherside is to confront one's own id directly.

Sorawo, who had an abusive childhood in which a very specific kind of society, a cult, attempted to destroy who she was and fully deny her id, clings on to it even as it confuses her, and this intense conflict between her id, ego, and super-ego gives birth to her doppelgänger, which is the manifestations of the more complex desires of the ego and id that her superego is unprepared to confront.

Toriko, who is the product of a loving marriage between two lesbians, and as we learn has a longstanding relationship with lesbian erotica, is able to bear the weight of confronting her own id because she has had the role models in her life to teach her that desire is not something to be feared.

Kozakura, is paralyzed by fear at her own id, and holes herself into her home, shuts herself off from the world, to avoid the risk of confronting it, though with sorawo at her side, when forced into the situation, she's at least able to trudge her way through a bit (just saying, put a pin in it)

our first explication with Benimori tackles this issue of desire head-on, talking about how the raw desire of human beings is a deeply complex thing that we force into molds to make the world easier to comprehend for ourselves, but reassures Sorawo that she need not subject herself to that if she doesn't want to (I love benimori so much she's an angel)

Tsuji of course then talks to Sorawo about the notion of consensus reality, about how in our everyday lives we subscribe to a reality that is communally audited and maintained, but that via the Otherside, another kind of agreed reality can be constructed. I have a Lot of thoughts on this conversation but my one sentence aside is that I think that Tsuji's character and her staring contest with Sorawo lead into some more specific themes that have to do with the "desire and the eye", of Sorawo-as-voyeurist, of reader-as-voyeurist, and the mediation of desire through objects (including the objectification of human beings) but, like I said, I need more time to chew on that idea, and reread the conversation before I expound on that more. Watch this space!

#Otherside Picnic #裏世界ピクニック

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dats-hq · 11 months

Note

Saki, 2/12/16/20

2. When I truly started to like this character

So I was already primed to like Saki a lot just because I loved her character design and thought she seemed neat from the 2018 trailers, but obviously that didn't make me as normal about Saki as I am now.

I wish I had a text dump of the game so I could pull up the exact lines, but basically the part where I started to truly like Saki was in the first Free Action section of Part 6 where you can talk to her in the waterway about how she's feeling after seeing Wendimon kill Shuuji. Up until this point, it was clear that Saki put a lot of effort into masking her true feelings from the group, and we had even seen her try to distance herself from her own emotions in Part 3 and 4 with regards to losing Professor and Ryo.

In Part 6, though, it suddenly seemed very clear to me that Saki actually didn't know her own emotions herself. She'd worn masks for too long. Seeing this only a few minutes after watching Shuuji unravel from a similar internal conflict, and less than an hour after the revelation of Saki's chronic illness, made a lot of things click into place for me. I'm actually not sure if it was written with any specific intention that you have this realization here, but hey! I did, and it created a compelling narrative to me!

By this point, I had enough trust in Survive's writing that Saki's illness wasn't some irrelevant, edgy detail. It had to be connected in some way to her larger character. More than that, this was clearly a part of a larger theme of internal vs external self that extended beyond just one of two subplots.

(Side note, I actually do have some quibbles with how Survive depicts disability with the whole game in mind, but that's a different conversation.)

12. Sexuality headcanon

If the question is just what her sexuality is, I'd guess bi, though lesbian isn't out of the question. What I headcanon much more strongly, however, is that Saki herself is not sure yet. She doesn't exactly struggle with it or anything, she just doesn't give it a lot of thought. She likes who she likes, and she figures the details will just work themselves out.

16. Childhood headcanon

I think I've alluded to this a few times before, but I think Saki was diagnosed at a very young age. In the Wrathful Part 10 flashback, we see her doctor mention that her illness isn't affecting her too badly at this time, which to me implies that there have been at least a few extensive periods of time where she was either doing better or worse. Moreover, in Saki's prequel story, we see that Saki is well aware of how to emotionally manipulate her mother by playing up her illness. She had to have been living with this for quite a while in order to get a sense for which approach would work when with her mom. She probably even has a different strategy for her dad.

I think this provides an interesting foundation for why she is so distant from her true feelings.

(And yes, I know that Saki was partially expressing authentic anxiety to her mom in that phone call, but consider how much avoidant behavior with her doctor got her into that position in the first place. The distance from her own emotions is often layered in ways Saki refuses to acknowledge.)

20. Weird headcanon

Damn, I have a lot of these.

I think one of her (extremely tertiary) concerns about surgery was visible scarring and that was partially reflected in how she felt toward Veggiemon and Blossomon at first. Though, by the end of the game, she's full-throatedly announcing her love for Blossomon in Talk convos, which I like to think implies that in the routes she survives to get surgery in, she embraces the scars.

In the hypothetical multiversal Digimon tamer conference I half-jokingly think about a lot, she ends up in the Plant Girl room since there's not actually that many repeats of Palmon, Floramon, or Lalamon. Anyway she'd get into an argument with Mimi about if Palmon or Floramon were cuter, but lowkey get mad when she saw how cute Yoshino and Mimi's evolutions are compared to hers lol. Gets along well with Catherine though.

If she tried hanging out with Miu and Minoru outside the context of Kemonogami business, it would be very awkward at first but eventually they'd go to a zoo or something and have a good time talking about random shit while looking at animals.

She is NOT a natural blonde.

#digimon survive #digimon survive spoilers #saki kimishima #kimishima saki #my posts

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prince-liest · 8 months

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ARO/ACE NAVELGAZING

Now that I've unlocked the final square on my ell gee bee tee bingo card, I've begun to wonder how much of my gender thing is sourced in being an aroace thing. I find that despite being 27 years old, being called "girl" has never actually quite bothered me, but the word "woman" in relation to myself is so viscerally unappealing that I can't find any way in my imagination to comfortable with it. I've noticed that about myself before, but I've never really thought about it overmuch, and now I'm wondering if it is because "adult woman" is a status that is just inextricably connected with being an object of sexuality and romance in my mind for messy societal misogyny reasons.

I've always identified extensively with robot/android/AI characters - Breq from Imperial Radch, Murderbot from the Murderbot Diaries, Connor from Detroit: Become Human - and I used to think that it was, in fact, the gender thing.

But the other thing all of those characters have in common is that they're not canonically subjects of romance or sexuality and, in fact, in some cases are explicitly portrayed as finding those things repugnant. Further introspection also reminds me that I've found similar comfortable relatability in female characters who aren't inhuman in any way, but also aren't involved in romance in any major way. Archivist Wasp comes to mind, and so does Baru Cormorant (who is very notably a lesbian, which is an active threat to her existence, but did not feel to me like she ever had a romance so much as she had close, complicated, painfully unromantic yet codependent relationships that she then destroyed - though I haven't read the third book).

In those cases of female protagonists who aren't involved in romance, they are significantly more relatable than non-romantic male protagonists because non-romantic male protagonists still feel very male to me. Society and media don't usually hinge male characters' masculinity on their romantic and sexual experiences in the same way that feels like a default for female characters. And in comparison, female characters that aren't involved in romance still experience the societal consequences of being female, which are important to my ability to relate to a character. And in the meanwhile, separating them from any romance feels like it de-sexes them in the narrative, in a way. I get that I'm reading a female character, but I don't feel like I'm reading about a woman because woman is something that has been drilled into my head as "object of sexualization and romance."

Despite the lack of discomfort, "girl" is still not a word I identify with strongly. Rather, it feels more like a safe mask, particularly since most of the people who use it are people who I do in fact have to mask with. But it's a comfortable mask. It's not one that I mind. In contrast, any time someone calls me a "woman" it makes me want to crawl out of my fucking skin. On the other hand, being called "boy" was outright delightful as a kid. On the third mutant hand presumably growing out of my rib cage, I strongly identify with the term "lesbian" because I feel like it encompasses many of my experiences, ranging from misogyny to compulsory heterosexuality. It just also turns out that the discomfort I feel at someone being interested in me isn't restricted just to men.

Coming to the realization of the aroace thing feels freeing in the sense that I no longer feel like I have to seek and perform romance that I have no interest in, and that I'm allowed to continue being comfortable in my skin without ever wanting a romantic partner. However, it does also certainly highlight how strongly I value my platonic friends and makes me wish that deep platonic relationships and non-sexual closeness were more normalized in society. I've spent a long time mentally prodding my feelings about closeness with people with a stick (particularly the way that they are sometimes very hot-and-cold), and I think a lot of it comes from the fact that I do in fact really value closeness and intimacy, but that on top of having strict personal limits, I am also just extremely put off by this perpetual undercurrent of anxious concern that what if someone thinks this is not platonic.

People having romantic interest in me is very stressful and frequently makes me aggressively disinclined to be around that person at all, and I have not always handled that well in the past. I actually recently had someone (cishet, unfamiliar with the term) say that the very concept of being aro/ace sounds like a code word for "intimacy issues." Which sucks! I didn't see that statement coming and had a difficult time explaining how incredibly not-uncomfortable I am with intimacy. If I had any desire for sexual or romantic intimacy, it would not be even remotely anxiety-inducing to acquire. Source: Been there, done that, it was gross. I am very full of love. I would just like it to be platonic. The wires simply don't run in the direction of romance for me and I want people to stop assuming that they do whenever I do express fondness.

Shout out to the one friend I have that actually did have a crush on me but never acted on it because she picked up what I was putting down before I realized what I was putting down, pfft. She is the best. I can't wait to further irrevocably integrate myself into her life and babysit her future children.

Anyway, I'm gonna go bury myself in another several dozen Hank & Connor fucked up found family fics and also continue to emotionally identify with robots because that is how I see myself emotionally, which I am very comfortable with.

#personal #this is introspection #this is NOT political or queer analysis #don't come at me for committing wrongthink I'm just trying to figure my own shit out here #shoutout to my ego for this literally never having been a “what's wrong with me” problem #and literally always having been a “what's wrong with other people” problem lmfaooooooooo #long post #sexuality #introspection #navelgazing

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