#i do better verbally talking I Think because when im typing things out i overthink and end up taking nine years to respond or send a messag

[todayisafridaynight]

I feel like it would be fun to see Leo's actor in Mole Song Final play Ryuji... that's the only person that comes to mind 😭😭

BUT YEAH 4 was the first mainline entry with (proper) faceclaims! I would kill to see faceclaims get to play their characters. Because they actually aren't mocapped by them, just voiced and scanned in--the acting is all done by RGGS' mocap actors. If you're mentally ill enough you'll start to notice acting decisions that differ from what the actual actor would've gone for; Arakawa doesn't cry the way Nakai does, for example. NGL the animations get kind of uncanny at times if you're too mentally ill so I would not recommend paying quite that much attention lol

I was trying not to think about it though because even if we By Some Miracle got to "season 7" (8 if they do 0) it's entirely possible Nakai and/or Tsutsumi won't be acting anymore by then 😭😭😭😭😭Tsutsumi wants to start directing by the time he's 60... That's chiefly why I kinda wanted it to be an adaptation of 7 before we knew any of the specifics... But Oh Well, it is what it is

ANYWAYS. Very excited for stream tomorrow and best of luck getting stuff done for today :D

YEAH LIKE UNDOUBTEDLY he gave such big ryuji vibes and had an epic presence..... if i allowed myself to dream just this once he would be a real good contender for ryuji......

ohhh yeah nonono ive definitely noticed DONT WORRY. whenever i draw or write fics, i always try to imagine the actual character first to see if the expression or dialogue fits them and if it's believable. having dove more into tsutsumi and nakai movies and shows, the difference is REALLY apparent to me (in that vein tho, it's easy for me to see them as individual characters as opposed to actors playing characters, so it's a little bit of a win for me somehow lmao)

YEAH NOOO THATS DEF A VERY LIKELY POSSIBILITY SHOULD THE SERIES SOMEHOW GET TO THAT POINT IN THE GAMES. again i doubt we'll actually get that far, but in the rare event that we do i hope nakai and tsutsumi do whatever makes them happy (and id def be into seein a movie directed by tsutsumi) (❁´◡`❁)

I REMEMEBR THATLKVJELK WHICH ONE OF YOU FIENDS SENT ME THAT FANCAST SITE IN THE FIRST PLACE ☠️☠️☠️☠️

#snap chats #i always get awkward about drawing characters based off real people #i have scopophobia so As A Branch Off That my irrational fear is always actors or voice actors seeing fanart i do of their characters #(doesnt make sense for me to stream in that regard but its a type of exposure therapy you see) #its just doubly awkward when i do end up drawing their face uh like. a million times cause now i look insane #IT'S A VERY UNLIKELY POSSIBILITY I KNOW but still.. im addled with irrational fears we know this already #but yeah no. over time i've noticed the small 'quirks' nakai and tsutsumi have while acting so i understand totally #makes it awkward when i do keep those quirks in mind when making stuff huh. cant be helped (´▽｀ ;;;;) #its just once i KNOW its like. i cant go back cause now it'll feel Not Right. as if THATS a thing #but yeah speaking of stream. hopefully things go well again i look forward to talking to everyone again (❁´◡`❁) ! #i do better verbally talking I Think because when im typing things out i overthink and end up taking nine years to respond or send a messag #cause with talking you HAVE to commit to what you said unless you just wanna stutter and murmur the whole convo #with typing i can take my time and then i take TOO much time and get nothing done #it's a double-edged sword kind of deal but anyway... still stoked :] #i didnt even start drawing my mini comic yet i was too busy makin a mitsu ref sheet since ive been drawing him lately. I GUESS. #i wont draw him much i imagine but... just in case right...

[1o1percentmilk]

hi! regarding your social queues post

i feel like i'm experiencing a thing that's a bit similar to what you are dealing with down to the "I'm not autistic but this shit isn't neurotypical" thoughts (and if not, I'm really sorry for an impromptu vent just ignore all of this please and have a kitty ฅ/⁠ᐠ•⁠ﻌ⁠•⁠ᐟ⁠\ฅ)

several of my prev psychologists link it to general anxiety and social awkwardness and yeah, that sounds reasonable, but what bothers me is that idk how to improve

i tend to overthink everything I say to the point where, even though I know what a normal response should look like I can't convince myself that what I said/wrote is articulated in a way that doesn't sound dumb/conveys literally the opposite of what I'm trying to deliver. answering a message after days of silence, which actively worsens my relationships, while I fear that answering with a 'stupid' message would be even worse or agonising over a comment I'm trying to leave on someone's work because, well, I think it's neat and cool and I want the artist/author to know it, but when I start typing my words look wrong and not genuine is a constant thing and I'm tired

and yeah, the worst is comforting people. my friend feels terrible, I can clearly see that and my heart is breaking for them, but I can never find a good thing th say. irl you at least can physically be there((maybe)) but online it's a nightmare

I was always told that words should come from the heart and I never got a feeling that was the case for me which just. i dunno what to do with this

hi hello! no, you're good, I have my ask box open for a reason and that includes venting n stuff like that, i don't mind at all!

yeah this is exactly what i'm talking about... like i have no problem picking up on things between the lines... but i always take too long to respond and by the time i think of something i am either too nervous or the window has passed. in my case, I know its because i have a "slower processing speed" than other people, which i've had since I was little, it's easier to think when i can type on a screen and be able to check if im making sense, but i don't do verbal stuff very well.

i've been in therapy as well, a long time ago, and i've been told i might be on the autism spectrum, and/or have add, but i'm pretty resistant to getting a formal diagnosis or even self diagnosing for some reason.

i think for me, and i don't know if this will help for you, i want to 1) get rid of the... mental block? filter? that my thoughts have to get through before I say something... because sometimes i come up with the thought, but don't say anything due to nerves. that'll help me get more thoughts out there and 2) get more practice with people... which is hard! i tried out both improv and drama club in high school because this is an issue i've been working on for a long time... it didn't really work, but i've learned that there are a lot of... scripts! that i can just use in a pinch. even if its just like, small talk and stuff, or if i don't have anything, i just turn the question on the other person and just listen!

i've been trying to make peace with the fact that i will probably never be as good of a talker as other people, but you and me brother we are probably just meant to be listeners... and nothing wrong with that... there IS stuff we can do to get better at talking, which i encourage. but don't get down out of reason for being quiet.

SORRY that got really long despite me not having alot of good advice but im struggling with it with you, good luck with finding something that works.. if u want to talk u are always welcome here, i enjoyed reading your ask!

#sorry im very bad at respondin g to things LOL #but i mean all of this genuinely #its tough not feeling like u are as alive.. or have as much of a heart... personality.. genuine... as other people #like ur a lowly npc... #but npc or not.. your feelings are still real right? your pain is real and what you feel when people talk to you is real #i believe you're real #but yeah it sucks and i hope we can find a way to live with it #cathugs \(•u•)/ #ask #anon

[notkembabuticatchawalker]

Gotta be top 5 worst ways to wake up. It feel like last summer but shit changed I can feel it. I always choose her but she’s not gonna always choose you, y’all ain’t twin flames dickhead & u def aint soulmates. You’re the dickhead with the attachment issue to ur ex cause da more people u talk to the more numb u realize are & that’s the last time u felt something. & now u being ignored the one thing that gets to you everytime but ur not chasing her this time cause you know it’s different. Last time we had a conversation Agree’d were never on the same page, i was hesitant, became distant cause I’m scared but idk why i wouldn’t be scared. Didn’t want a relationship with me before got invested got my feelings hurt, last time other way around cause yes i fear commitment, can’t handle affection now whatever & i knew i wasn’t ready so why would i waste anybody’s time. Okay i text now i don’t expect nothing to big of it cause i know her you got options, i got options too. Bitches tryna fly me out & I’m choosing you cause under all the money, the looks & superficial shit it was always you. I always choose u because i had da best bond with you & i know we will never speak again in our life cause if i don’t take first steps it’ll never happen. No matter how much i think about u everyday, no matter how much i speak good on you, no matter how much i love you, no matter how much i beat myself up bout shit I’ve done, no matter how much i grow we’ll never speak again cause it’s the end of our chapter & that’s fine but i never expected us to end like this. I always thought it would be you & yes everyone has there version of our story. People thought of us as amazing but we know it wasn’t dips & dabbles. It was infuriating sometimes, verbally abusive, felt like you literally hated me while being with me no matter what i tried to do. Do i speak on that ? No. When i look at you do i remember the bad things ? No. Getting out the relationship made me realize that as much as im the numb one i wasn’t in the relationship. I was literally the emotional one & the chaser with an emotionally unavailable girl 100% pretty sure was depressed. I can’t cure anybody’s depression & i don’t see anybody trying to help me with mine but i tried my best to help. If I dealt with you depressed why the fuck don’t i deserve happy you 😭. I mean i don’t deserve anything, I’m not obligated to anything but why the fuck you gonna go give yourself to niggas who never fucked with you at your lowest. Niggas aint deal with the overthinking, the mood swings, the numbness, the ghosting, none of that shit but that’s what niggas gonna get Now cause what ? We free now like that doesn’t make sense. I grew & you were the first person I thought to pursue & text & that’s what i did. When you grow & do allat u aint thinking bout me, not the one who would make themselves available to u 25/8 but you gonna go fuck with randoms. I believed in you no matter what, oh ya ugliest days i still thought u were the most beautiful person ever but knowing you you’ll only remember the bad parts when they think about you cause that’s all that sticks. I did wrong, i never deny but i also grew significantly. I put in effort i said imma be better & i did get better i just ran into somebody who no longer gave a fuck & that’s life. I loved you with everything in me when i ain’t never even been loved correctly, cheated on my whole first relationship, greased right after, you tell people i cheated on you which is weird as hell cause i never did. Why i speak good on you & that’s what u tell people. & i pray to god them niggas treat you good cause i was never your type. We should’ve never been together & i deserve somebody who will choose me cause u never will. & i pray them niggas you choosing don’t grease you cause you gonna cry alone. I’m not checking for you, not nothing I’m done with you. Cause you hurt my feelings time after time & you the only person who can do this & i tell you straight up how I’m feeling, how I’m this, how I’m that & it’s funny cause the first time i texted you i wanted to know

[fooliery]

pregame ouma headcanon masterpost

first off, my pregame ouma is NOT the shy weepy type. there's literally nothing wrong with this interpretation i just take mine in a different direction and i think that's important to keep in mind. i’m basically asking you to put your preconceptions aside for this post.

warning for self harm (though not gone into too much detail) mentioned under the cut

typically, when i write overall pregame headcanons, i tend to try and keep some semblance of their ingame self (with maybe certain traits downplayed or exaggerated) the way they are in canon; pregame akamatsu claims she wants to be a protagonist (someone people can trust and see themselves in), pregame saihara has a nervous disposition similar to ch1 saihara, and pregame momota has a fierce determination reflected in his ingame character arc. they’re similar but not the same.

pregame ouma is his in game self’s flaws put under a magnifying glass. he’s a horrible, compulsive liar who will lie to himself to the point where he loses grip on who he really is. he provokes people because it’s a hobby, he thinks of himself as the only one who knows what’s best for everyone, he overthinks and often times he’ll mock others and hurt their feelings because it’s the “greater good”. above all else, he has a dangerous ego reflected in his ingame self. he’s a coward, he’s a hypocrite, he’s haughty.

his biggest flaw, especially in the world of team danganronpa, is his empathy. he cares for other people, sees the way they hurt others and get joy out of it, and is in turn disgusted. he believes that everyone can change for the better, which is why he despises the people around him. it turns him into a bitter and cynical husk of himself, where he’ll attack others (almost exclusively verbally) to take out his frustrations on the nonsensical way their world works. everywhere you turn, there are people smiling at the suffering of others. it’s a sickening thing. he’ll provoke people into attacking him as both a form of self harm and to instate his control over people who could so easily kill him for entertainment; if they let words affect them, they’re no better than him.

this means he does have a softer spot also reflected in his ingame self, but pregame ouma is so terrified of it being taken advantage of in their current society he’ll deny and lie about it ever existing to the point where even he believes it. instead of laughing and joking around and spending his past time pranking others, pregame ouma is so bitter he turns to internet forums, where he argues with people he sees lower than him just to rile them up, resulting in his numerous doxxings (which in and of itself is another form of self harm).

regarding him working for team danganronpa: he’s such a cynic he sees no way for the world to change after the damage danganronpa has wrought on it. this drives him into desperation: he auditions as an escape where either he dies for good or even if he survives, it’s as a completely different person. his work posing as his ingame self for interviews and the like is a “ends justifies the means” situation, plus it pays his rent and means he gets to live away from his parents. when he isn’t lashing out at people since he’s, you know, in a business situation, he’s just sort of quiet, does his work, and then immediately leaves for home. likewise, because of his doxxings, he does anonymous work where his ingame self’s name isn’t revealed: instead, he goes by his DICE codename “joker” and dons his DICE mask everywhere he goes, both for suspense and to protect his identity.

although he’s a bitter person, he still has that soft spot mentioned from earlier where he can’t help but empathize with others. an example of this is his interactions with my pregame kiibo (which others do not have to adhere to btw im just using him to illustrate a point): kiibo is reprogrammed into this completely subservient and complacent robot servant for team danganronpa’s purposes, as it’s convenient and they can just load in his true personality shortly before the game starts anyways. it’s kind of hard for ouma to conceptualize kiibo is literally programmed into having nearly no personality, opinions, or feelings: kiibo sports a human face, walks and talks like a human, and even if people say that he’s nothing more than a glorified computer, ouma can’t help but try to break the ice with chit chat and eke some kind of opinion out of him. kiibo looks like a human, ergo, it’s hard for him to conceptualize kiibo doesn’t behave like one either. it’s probably one of the few times he’ll let his guard down enough to extend kindness to someone else and part of that is due to the fact that despite kiibo’s ties to danganronpa, he poses like someone who isn’t normalized into the commodification of violence the way most others are.

tldr: pregame ouma is like ingame ouma but if he stopped being/pretending to be happy and took a nosedive STRAIGHT into cynicsville

#this is a lot of rambling lollll #⬖⟩⟩ ooc #⬖⟩⟩ wretchedly i come to hate it but i come to like it. ( pregame ) #⬖⟩⟩ cannon for your head and a penny for your thoughts? ( headcanons )

[kuviras-eyeliner]

hi may i have a matchup pls 🥺👉👈

hi can i request a matchup for a student in 1-A? i am a straight scorpio female & im black with long curly dark brown hair. i have a nasal and septum piercing and a navel I wear round glasses; i am also 5’3 and petite as well as curvy & am an ambivert that is more introverted & am ISTJ. i am a very passionate, devoted, quirky/goofy, sweet, intuitive, supportive, affectionate and nurturing person who loves to dote on others and listen to people talk/ramble/vent about anything. i find it hard to open up to others due to past relationships and failed friendships so im very guarded but when i do open up to others i become more talkative. i come off as intimidating since i have a resting face. i can be a very possessive, distrustful and expressive person and don’t tend to hold my tongue and am very blunt but not to the point to where it’s rude. i also have the hugest soft spot for babies and animals and love manga and anime. i also love anything spiritual or space related as well. aromatherapy and self care are another thing that i love. i tend to be very stubborn but if given a legitimate reason or explanation i can be extremely cooperative. i tend to get easily overwhelmed, overthink and i have very bad anxiety and depression so i would prefer someone who’s gentle and patient. another trait i want in a partner is someone who can teach me things (interesting facts, helping me with hw, learning about life together, etc.), being able to be in tune with my emotions and just prioritizing means being devoted to me along with not judging me and just letting me be me.

thank you so much!

-🥀

Wahoo, I’m so glad I could finally get to 🥀 anon! Fun fact, I skipped over quite a few to get to yours ;D!! Thank you for being so detailed! That seriously makes everything so much easier and I really appreciate it :))

I match this lovely anon with...

♥ 𝕊𝕙𝕠𝕥𝕠 𝕋𝕠𝕕𝕠𝕣𝕠𝕜𝕚 ♥

ᶜᵃⁿ ʷᵉ ᵗᵃᵏᵉ ᵃ ᵐᵒᵐᵉⁿᵗ ᵗᵒ ʳᵉˢᵖᵉᶜᵗ ʰᵒʷ ᶜᵘᵗᵉ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᵍⁱᶠ ⁱˢ ᵗʰᵒᵘᵍʰ⁻

After a long-awaited period of time, I match you with our favorite peppermint of all time! 

First Glances and Impressions: At first, Todoroki may seem like an absolute pain. To you, he seemed rude, ignorant, dismissive, and maybe even a little bit cold to everyone (pun intended). But as you got closer, realistically speaking, something definitely would have clicked-- suddenly, his behavior didn’t annoy you anymore. You didn’t mind that he was being a little off sometimes because he taught you so many things even when you didn’t realize. For instance, you noticed the small things-- whenever you successfully did something and you were proud of it, he’d smile the smallest bit and nod at you. Or maybe he’ll sometimes make eye contact with you first on purpose and give a quick smile before getting back to work. But honestly, the biggest enemies-to-lovers AU would be for you two! I definitely believe that at first, you and Todoroki slightly, passive-aggressively hated each other. You two would probably give each other cold-shoulders (pun VERY INTENDED) all the time for no reason, and you’d both stay very guarded-- that is, until, you two are forced to work together. 

What I think would happen: What I think would happen is that you two had to put your heads together in one of the training arenas, but Todoroki ended up doing everything within seconds, freezing anything in his path, while you didn’t get to do anything. He’d be stealing the spotlight at first, and being an absolute pain when you decide to confront him. Todoroki gets offended, slightly, when he accidentally loses control and hurts you. Instantly, he feels this odd feeling of guilt that he hadn’t felt before and decides to take you over to Recovery Girl for help because you tearing away from the frozen ice had nearly peeled your skin off. Eventually, Recovery Girl asks that you two should be more careful-- when you do wake up, Todoroki is laying on the floor, half-asleep when you ask for water, and let me tell you, that boy immediately sprints up and away as he goes to grab a cup for you. You figure out later that after the whole ice incident, Todoroki had felt so oddly guilty that he had stayed with you the entire night, waiting for you to wake up. 

How he helps you on bad days: Todoroki is in fact seen as an introverted, stereotypical, “emo,” fighting, and hot-headed character. However, if you know me, I hate stereotypes, so I’m here to break them! I think around the people he really loves, Todoroki would probably try to uplift you and he’ll actually be so soft and adorable around you, asking if you need water or a hug. He won’t be very verbal, on your bad days, however, since he’s bad at expressing himself with emotional vulnerability. But when he sees you, crying up against the wall, alone, he will not hesitate to run and slide down next to you. He won’t say much, but he’ll rock you back and forth and give you the softest hug in the world. Todoroki knows that you listen to a lot of people, but this time, he says, “I’m here to listen to you. Tell me what it is that you need,” and he’ll make sure that you don’t deny your feelings. He’ll tell you that no matter what, even in the worst nights, he’ll always be there for you. 

Other things: Todoroki will make sure that no matter what that you feel comfortable with him-- you two would be like best friends, and constantly grow together. He also struggles to hide his laughs and smiles when he's with you-- he's been eating more, smiling more, talking more, and overall, you're just this ray of light in the darkness that keeps him going in the toughest times.

~

So, how do you guys like this formatting? Is this better for you? Let me know! And also, anon, thank you for asking :) I really appreciate that you also said, “I think I have depression and anxiety” instead of self-diagnosing. I really do wish you the best!! Please take care of yourself and reach out to me for anything bby!!

Hugs and shoulderpats for everyone who needs them 😌😌

Stay safe!!

And also, thank you for asking! I really do put a lot of thought into these and take time to make it as thoughtful as possible, as well as comparing MBTI’s and different personality types and attributes. It’d mean the world to me if even just one tap, just a like would come from anyone :) You don’t even need to say thank you (because you guys are just that amazing).Yay!! <3 Thank you so much <hugs!>

#I WROTE THIS ONE THROUGH TEARS #NO LIKE I WAS ACTUALLY CRYING #this anon is so sweet #but that's like only part of the reason I was crying #I have over 30 asks in my ask box and some of them are from 4 weeks ago and I feel so bad #why am I venting in the tags #oop I'm sorry #todoroki x reader #todoroki #bnha todoroki x reader #shoto todoroki #dabi #touya #chapter 290 #DID YOU GUYS SEE THAT?? #mha todoroki x reader #deku x reader #boku no hero academia x reader

[shuotaizawa]

Try listening to Don’t leave - Snakehips!! It is SUCH a Bakudeku song I cry

the way i’ve been listening to this song everyday Since u sent me this ask bc i keep Thinking about how this song is literally? their? anthem??? and not @ how i can vividly picture this song in the form of a fic told in bkg’s pov....!!!! and yes there’s a tldr at the bottom 😗🤚🏻

glances at my additional tags [canon divergence, light angst, bakugou katsuki is Bad At Feelings, established relationship, fluff, smut] .

its a random tuesday afternoon & they’re both resting at home as they happened to have the day off. plus nothing ever happens on tuesdays anyway. then out of nowhere - bakugou, staring down at deku who’s lying in bed next to him: you know me; now and then i’m a mess. please don't hold that against me, i'm a [guy] with a temper and heat.

the first verse of the song = the starting of bkg’s shitty but heartfelt apology to deku, despite it being very Sudden

that’s bc bkg was Reminiscing and feeling overwhelmed over how him and dk are both finally top heroes. and how he’s been together with Freckles for a few months now. plus they even live together as they’re living out their dreams!! it hasn’t been long but hes so so so so in love Already.. sniffles

bakugou continues softly, while thinking of their u.a years: in a room full of people with you, i [didn’t] see anybody else.  when we fight, and you [were] right — i’m so sorry, I [made] it just so difficult.

this 2nd verse = bkg somewhat expanding on their animosity turned rivalry, and what he thought of it. however bakugou is a complex character and im not gonna say much Here about his canon r/s with deku

deku just hums in reply and gently takes bkg’s hand into his own as he waits to hear everything bkg has to say. naturally, he wants to give his own input but bkg has never sounded so gentle yet firm when talking to dk, much less opening up about his feelings. and so, deku remains silent.

im not gonna type out both pre-choruses, but it’s bkg talking about how “he’s a fuck up that deku needs and loves, because bkg’s perfectly imperfect, and that in turn makes the both of them perfectly imperfect together”.

in this au, i see it as bkg admitting to how shitty of a person he was for the way he treated deku in middle and high school, and its also his own roundabout way of apologising~

like bkg is so grateful that deku loves him enough to be in a relationship with him Now, After everything that has happened — but he can’t deny that a big portion of their lives were spent with him kicking deku around literally and figuratively, and then followed by them butting heads often

ok this is getting real long for no reason SO Lastly this pseudo fic / au ends with the song’s bridge and chorus!!! bkg just lets his feelings spill through strong reassurances

of how he knows deku loves him but has days where he overthinks and doubts bkg’s feelings being reciprocated, and while bkg always try to verbally relay his love, he usually loses his words and he doesn’t know where to start

in natural bakugou tact and charm, he tells deku to shut his mind off and let his heart hear him and that he doesn’t need to worry bc even though bkg may never get his shit together, one thing bkg can swear on is the fact that he wouldn’t trade their relationship for anything else so that he can continue to prove that nobody can love deku better than he can

cue them making love bc mr ground zero has always proved himself through doing, than through words.

tl;dr  don’t leave by snakehips is bkdk’s official anthem

#EYE.... am not really sorry for this lol #i was a pure literature student for 2 years you cant just expect me to listen to a song and not relate it back to the ship that i LOVE #if no one reads this its fine #i just really love how accurate the song is in portraying canon divergence bkdk #bakudeku #katsudeku #decchan #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #au #fic idea #fic prompt #fanfic #song rec #bnha #mha #piz tings #song fic

[brykisheaven]

 i didn’t want to make a post like this because i dont a pity party or anything but i have to get this out of my head before i end up bottling it up and making it worse like i’ve done before.  //tw: body shame, verbal abuse, suicide mentions, racism (small mention) , long text in general tbh//

over the past couple of months, my life at home has been completely all over the place, every day when i wake up i feel like it’s just a cycle of nothing, all i do is sit at home doing online classes and finishing massive amounts of homework, some even due the next day. my back is so tired from just sitting down and typing and it has just made me so bored and stressed out. more so these days, the only reason i even bother to do my homework is because i can also talk to my friends on discord while im doing them, which makes me slightly feel better, sometimes i even give up on doing homework just to talk to them because it gives me a better reason to wake up than just do the same thing over and over again. it’s a horrible feeling that i hate but im very thankful i have my friends to make me feel a bit better. but my situation with my parents is more worse than this and sadly my friends cannot help with it, but they also help me stay somewhat happy while this shitstorm goes down every day. my parents have been getting more and more angry towards each other also, which makes my situation even worse, my father (who doesn’t live with me anymore) is so fucking horrible and stubborn, he makes racist jokes which i hate and i always tell him how he should stop being a fucking idiot and a jerk but he wont listen and just tells me “it’s a joke” but it’s fucking not, or at least its a fucking horrible disgusting joke, alongside that, he also makes me feel like i cannot do anything, i hate being with him and i dont even see him as my father anymore, nowadays i just see him as a random man my mother makes me go with only because he’s related to me in a way. his wife is also a fucking bitch who hates the living hell out of me and my sisters, she always complains about us and how we’re “uneducated” or “bad-behaved”, well bitch guess what at least im not a fucking prick who ruins peoples lives am i??? i cant even pretend to be happy anymore, im just so done pretending to be fine with this. I just came back from staying with him and i’m just so glad im home, the 2 days i spent with him after a whole 3 months were the worst of my life basically, i pretended to do my homework just so he could leave me alone, i began crying myself to sleep while drawing because that was the only thing that made me feel better somewhat. i dont want him to even stay in contact with my mother, all the time he just argues how im doing things wrong and that my mother is a bad example and teaching me wrong things, he blames her for the reason i have a rather thick body and it makes me so mad. my mother isn’t that great either but at least she tries to understand me, unlike my father who always thinks he’s right. i cant even wear dresses or skirts because all he does is tell me how ridiculous i look and how i should be skinny like every other girl, and every time he tells me that all i do is just ignore him but when i come home, i just want to vomit until all i see is blood. i’ve stopped eating for weeks one time because of this, im too afraid to even wear anything beside jumpers because it’ll reveal what my body type is. i hate how i cant even like myself, some times i feel like i should start cutting myself or try to kill myself again because whatever i do, it’s wrong to him, maybe if i die he’ll think i did something right. what i did right was not exist isn’t it? i dont want to though because i have such good friends on here and i dont want to leave them. my friends are the one of the only few reasons i even am here anymore, if it wasn’t for them i wouldn’t even bother. i would probably just cry and hope the next day i get run over or something like that.  my father also always complains about how im doing a stupid hobby and i wont get anything out of drawing and sometimes calls me a mistake because i dont want to have a “real” job like everyone else in out family, but guess what idiot, drawing is a real job and one day i will prove it to him that this isn’t some stupid hobby, but now this has also taken a toll on my art and confidence to post any of it, im too scared to post my art because im afraid people just think it’s stupid or im annoying them by posting too much or too little.  i haven’t gotten many complaints about it but every time i post anything i overthink and worry for a while hoping they wont hate it. so far i think i’ve been getting better managing the anxiety of it but another thing that worries me is the thought people might get angry of me drawing 4 all the time.  the reason why i draw 4 so much is because she’s sort of like a comfort character to me, she was made out of my feelings and was a persona for a short amount of time, i put a lot of myself into her and i love drawing her but i worry people will get bored of seeing her all the time, so thats why i might stop posting content for a bit. 4 is something special to me, whenever i get upset or feel happy, i feel like she’s making me feel happy, it sounds stupid but 4 has helped me overcome many of my bad thoughts and feelings, she’s also one of the reasons im still trying to be happy. thats the reason why i draw her so much. and i wont stop to draw her, and im sorry if you dont like to see her so much but i will not stop to do so, if it bothers you that much please unfollow me. im so sorry i rambled for so long thank you for reading and i love you ((also to devon and soapy and mel, if you’ve read up to here, i love you guys with all my heart i love you too much thank you))  💕

#vent tw

[luv-luna]

Friends

As for my first blog post, this might seem a little forward. I don't know you, and you don't know me. I hope to gain knowledge from each other through this segment, however. 

Friends are odd. They're people we hang out with, but why? Is it for our own pleasure? Do we use these people as objects to occupy our time? Or am I thinking too much of it. When I think of the word friend, a million things come to mind. Many memories, good and bad, different words to describe past and current relationships, etc. A friend is supposed to help you through tough times, be there to make you laugh, bring positivity in your life. Does this mean a friend with negative energy is bad for you? Does this revert back too my first statement? Some people are in it for their own amusement, and that's the sad truth.

As a teenager, almost an adult, I have gone through my fair share of friendships. Although many brought good times and memories, negative moments swarm my mind now from the toxicity of some. My life has been compared to a movie several times regarding this (and many other things.) Almost every argument you have seen in a cheesy coming-of-age movie: I have experienced. I don't know if this means I'm over-dramatic. I would like to think a majority of the time it was caused by the other person. Without their input there's no way for me to know for sure.

The unfortunate truth for me is that friends come and go. Of course I have a few that have been with me through thick and thin. They are my rocks, and I am beyond grateful for them. Then there are just people that are there. Many high school relationships don't last, I know. It seems however that either one of us are just using each other because we have no one left. Is it because everyone else has moved on, or maybe our styles have changed. Im not sure. I have a weird feeling on people like this in my life. Why do I bother getting closer to these people if I know they will fade away in time? 

Maybe it's better off if these friendships fade. The tension between me and certain individuals rise and fall dramatically. I don't know if this is just me overthinking or taking things out of context, but the aggressiveness has been extremely high. Im not sure if they're annoyed by my hyperactive personality, or if they have matured faster then I did. we're at that age where people start changing. Interests start changing. I feel as if I'm stuck under quick sand while my friends continue the adventure. 

Anger is something I've never understood about friendships. Yes, my friends and I have gotten into verbal, and once long ago physical, arguments. If it was about small things like conflicting interests or larger, more emotional subjects. However I don't believe I've ever felt anger towards a friend of mine. I have been annoyed, ticked off, but never felt any hostility to them. Unfortunately, I can't say the same for myself on the receiving end. Many would argue anger is a form of love. That aggressive arguments are a way of showing someone they care. I don't believe this is valid. Its a gray area. However, when it comes to something that will not matter in the next two hours, it's toxic and pointless. I guess it depends on how it comes off, or how you word it. Some people take certain words differently than others. 

This post was absolutely all over the place. I have been wanting to start a blog type page for awhile now. I have so much to talk about, get off my chest. Although I only feel comfortable doing it in an anonymous fashion. Im not even sure if this will get read by someone. Blogs aren't as popular as they used to be. 

If someone does happen to read this, tell me your thoughts. I want to know you're experience with friendships. Are they similar to mine? Do we have any of the same beliefs? Anything at all, let me know. 

I will continue with the posts, as they let me release steam without directly confronting the issue. This seems like a problem to most, but I prefer it this way. It helps me reach out to others and meet mutuals. I look forward to making more of these posts, and I hope they will somewhat make you reflect.

Luv Luna

#blog #blogs #lifestyle #frienship #friends #feelings #anonymous #writing #angry #upset #postivievibes #positivity #follow #mutuals #shareforshare #sharethelove #newfrienship #new friends #blog positivity #blog post #new #happy #favorite #diary #online diary

[datingadviceonreddit]

X-post from r/datingoverthirtyThis is gonna be stupid long but I would appreciate any advice. I am also an overthinker, so I might digress on certain details.Backstory: So it's been about 5 years since I had a real relationship. Im 32 now and think I'm ready to start this whole stupid thing called dating lol. My previous relationship.. We dated for about 4 years, were good friends/co-workers for years before that. All in all it was an ok relationship. We hung out alot, did stuff together like go out to dinner alot, watched movies and TV together, had sex here and there, both sides of parents liked the other person, she did convince me to change my college major to something I had more interest into. The bad parts were she was very verbally abusive like never appreciated things I did for her, would look down on me for stupid stuff, and she hated most of my friends for some reason. I'm pretty sure she was just a closeted bipolar introvert 🤣 Near the end of our relationship we would fight on and off about little things. It finally came to an end when she lost her job because the company went out of business, she didn't like living at her parents anymore and wanted to move out of state. Myself at the time had my own apartment and a steady job. It got to the point where she decided to move out of state and tell me literally the day before she was moving. Before I knew of her plans, That night she came over, we had dinner, watched a movie and had sex, then she dropped the bomb on me. I told her if she was absolutely committed to our relationship I would have really considered moving with her. The company I worked for was nationwide so that wouldn't have been an issue. That was met with a "no thanks, I dont see that happening" and she pretty much left my apt after that and we never spoke again except for some happy birthday texts and short small talk texts a year later. Nothing was ever resolved in a closure type way. The only thing that I know now is that she married some guy down where she lives like a year and a half after our breakup. Im thinking she may cheated on me near the end, but never admitted to it. I had severe depression for about 2-3 years after that. I just basically put it in my head that she died and focused on work and hanging out with friends and going out to the bar and just having fun. I Just had a fuck bitches, get money attitude. Work, have fun, get drunk alot, repeat. There's been a couple girls since then that I have hung out with a few times, mainly Friends of Friends, one one night stand from a bar, may be hooked up with them a few times but nothing of substance. They all seem to have issues, I had the foresight to see at least they would be terrible in a relationship. Those interactions ended as soon as they started because they were crazy. Over the years being in sales help me develop a confidence to talk to almost anybody. I think I can start a conversation pretty well, carry a conversation, I think I'm pretty intelligent and have interesting things to talk about, have interest in many many topics. I do joke around but it's usually like sarcasm and topic based humor. I think I can be complimentative and charming when need be. Now my downfall is that I live by the expectation of a false sense that people will always do the right thing and be responsible and being someone who I can count on. Because I overthink sometimes I create a perception of an interest and it doesn't turn out to meet that expectation. I am also brutally honest at times when I shouldn't be. I run my mouth to get my way sometimes. I think it's related to being aggressive in my previous sales job. I've recognized this and I'm still working on it.Current situation:I frequent this bar a few blocks from my house. I've been going there on and off for about the last 6 years. It's the type of place that I usually go to like Friday and Saturday nights, there's people around my age and they play good music have a good food and drink specials. Usually go there with a group of friends as well whenever we feel like going out, any day of the week. I'm friends with the managers and about 80% of the staff, bullshit around with the owner bunch of times. The owner has directly told me that me and my group of friends are like family there and if we need anything to let him know anytime. Soo..There is a new girl (29 yrs old) that's been working there for about 3 months and I think she's pretty damn cute but never worked up the balls to talk to her. One night going there with my group of friends, it turns out my best friend's brother-in-law came with us. He knew her from back in the day and started catching up. To protect their identity, We'll call him umm 'James' and new girl 'Ashley'. Me and James have hung out maybe about 15 times, I really wouldn't consider him to be a good friend but he's an alright dude to hang out with. We all started talking with her and we all become Facebook friends. About a week later, we are all hanging out having a bonfire, drinking, just having fun. After about midnight, everybody went to bed except for James and I. We were just talking and bullshiting, I mentioned that I had a crush on Ashley. He half joked, "let's text her and see if she'll come over". So he did and she responded and said she would come over for awhile. James kept joking with me saying she was coming over so he could bang her. James has a girlfriend, but they have one of those relationships where they fight, breakup and make up like every 3 weeks. Currently on the 'off week's as I put it. He was mostly bullshitting me to make me jealous. She comes over and we all just sat around the fire and We stayed up till 5 a.m. Just talking and having fun. No bullshit involved. Just talking about everything including how her ex cheated on her recently with a couple girls, how her friends flake on her and how she used to have an office job and only works at the bar because it's fun. After she went home, James stayed in the spare bedroom as I was driving him home the next day.Next time I saw her at the bar, I mentioned that we had fun and we should hang out again. She mentioned she had plans on the following Saturday to go to this other bar that was having a couple country bands playing. It used to be a bar that I would go to a lot in the past and liked. I wanted a chance to hang with her so I agreed to go with her. I didn't really look at it like a date because she told me to invite some friends as well.That Saturday rolls around and I'm excited to see her. We text back and forth about meeting up and taking Uber there because we will probably be drinking. We decide to meet at this bar that her roommate works at, 830 pm. She also mentions that she's had a cold and a small fever. She called me about 6 and says she still wants to go but to give her extra time to get ready and take some medicine. So we push meeting up to about 9. I get to our meeting point at 9 and wait for her, she is 15 minutes late. Whatever no big deal. She shows up in a dress and smelling amazing, I compliment her. I pay for the first to Uber to the bar we were going to. We get there around 9:30, just walk around and she occasionally stops and talks to some random people she knew from there a while back. Small Talk catching up but she included me in the conversation. She introduced me as a friend. We check out some of the band's music, grab a couple drinks, dance a little.. she was flirty in the general conversations we had and at one point was talking selfies of us. We alternated paying for rounds of drinks and shots, I was only kind of buzzed. I'm sure she was too, but I don't know her tolerance like I know mine.2am rolls around and we get Uber again on her phone because mine died, she said let's get food and hang out at my house. We pick up taco bell and take a 20 min Uber back to her place (very close to my house as well). We are sitting together in the back and after about 5 minutes, she lays on me and I put my arm around and just caress her arm. We get to her place, We eat and were hanging out and just listening to Pandora on her living room tv. Had maybe another beer there and just talking and occasionally dancing terribly. We got to one point where I was sitting on the couch and she was in the recliner next to it. I get up and pull her over to the couch, we talked for a minute and I felt it was right to try to kiss her. I gently grabbed her face and tried to pull her in for it. She backed away and said she didn't want a relationship and wasn't looking to hookup. I said ok, I'm sorry I just thought it felt right. I held her hand and just told her I wanted to show her a guy can take her out for a fun time and she deserves better.At right around this point, her roommate comes down for food or something and we just start shooting the shit about sports and stuff. Ashley is like I still don't feel good and I'm tired, takes some cold Medicine and tells me I can sleep on the couch. I was like you have a couple dogs and they are probably gonna bug me all night, I might just go home. Her roommate jokes that Ashley has a king size bed and that she should share. I don't think it was a push to hook her up or anything. Ashley says "yeah you can share the bed with me but no funny business". We go in the room and I want to be respectful. She was laying in plain clothes (t-shirt and jeans). I'm laying next to her on my stomach still in my clothes as well but wide awake. It's a dark room and maybe I felt invincible in what I was saying. I started joking with her that she couldn't fall asleep because I was wide awake. Then I said "I meant what I said earlier, you deserve better. Better friends, better relationships, a better job." I dont really know why I said it, but I always fall for broken girls and think I can fix them or make their life better. I still joked around and then asked if she reconsidered that funny business. She was like "what do you mean, we're not having sex". I said "no, nothing like that maybe just making out. I don't know, I'm half joking". She was like "no, I'm about to fall asleep" and did almost instantly. I laid there for about 20 minutes while she fell asleep. I was literally still wide awake and didn't want her to be weirded out with me in the morning. I order an Uber on my phone back to my car. Sober by now. The Uber arrives and I wake her up and tell her I'm just going to let her get sleep because she is sick. She walked me to the door and we hug. I said "I had fun tonight and I'm sorry for being forward earlier". She said "it's okay maybe I lead you on some how".I don't really worry too much about it except for the end of the night being sort of a creeper. Monday rolls around and the bar is having a birthday celebration for one of the older bartenders. I'm friends with her so naturally I go up after work (10pm ish) with my best friend, his wife, his brother I hang with alot ('Mark') and their cousin ('Andrew').We are watching Monday Night Football and having a couple drinks and just celebrating the whole birthday thing. Ashley is there with a friend of hers, I don't really say anything to her for awhile. She said hi to me in passing I took that chance to talk to her for a few minutes. Everything seemed okay. The staff there decided they wanted to close around 1 to go to the casino afterward for the bartenders birthday. They start closing down and Ashley started to help them with some cleaning. All the staff was almost ready to go, but they changed their mind on the casino and said they were going to a strip club that the bar owner had buddies that worked at and and asked if any of our friends wanted to go. I said no I don't have money for that, I'm just going home. The bar owner said "don't worry about that, they are only open for like another hour. Just bring your friends and I'll get you in for free and I'll buy some beer for you guys". My best friend and his wife went home because they were tired and had to work in the morning. I was off the next day so I agreed to go. Me, Mark, and Andrew went in Andrews car and met them there.So when we get in, it's my group I came with, the birthday bartender, 3 other bar staff members, the bar owner, Ashley and her friend. We just hang around at this table, drinking a couple beers, joking around, making paper airplanes out of a stack of dollars and shooting them at the girls there lol. Just good old fun. No one got lap dances or anything. They close like an hour or so after, Ashley offers for people to come to her house to hang out. Not really to party, just hang out or sober up or sleep.Everybody except for the bar owner and birthday girl go over to the house. We are all hanging out in this basement just having another drink, listening to music and talking. I don't really talk to Ashley, because I'm letting her do her host thing and I didn't want to bother her. I was also drunk as hell from doing shots and drinking beer and I didn't want to do or say something stupid. About 45 minutes, Somehow some of the guys that work at the strip club come over and thought it was a party. They showed up with a bunch of weed, cocaine and Hennessy and a stripper chick.At this point, the bar co-workers leave. I do a couple Henny shots with one of the dudes. Ashley asks me to come upstairs and talk real quick. She takes me in her room and asked who those people are and how they got the address. I said I don't know. She said "maybe I'm naive but I've never been in this situation. I don't know them and I don't want them here, will you help me get them out of here?" I said sure, I'll see what I can do. Literally at that moment, everyone is upstairs now in the living room. We hear a loud bang in the bathroom. There is my friend Mark basically blacked out in the bathroom and he pissed himself. I'm pissed off that I have to babysit him and embarrassed that Ashley had to deal with that. Andrew and I agreed that we should probably take Mark home. I'm moving Mark into the living room when I see Ashley hanging around the strip club guys. They had a plate with Coke lines on it. Ashley had the plate in her hand but handed it off to the guy and said I'm good for now. I'm thinking she was offered some and refused. In the process of Andrew and I getting mark out of the door to the car, Ashley starts being really obnoxious and anxious repeating herself and saying that we can all just stay there and it's ok. Andrew and Mark are outside by this point. I said no we're just leaving. She kept being really anxious and I asked her why are you so wound up and anxious. I look into her eyes and they're open really wide and she utters I just did some coke. Me being drunk, I almost over react because it's a jarring situation and she's told me she's only done it like twice in her life. The girl I like and have a crush on is doing drugs after asking me to help get rid of those type of people. I asked her if we could speak in private and she refused. She said she would text me tomorrow. I later found out she said she was feeling overwhelmed with the situation and that's why she did it. I gave her a really sarcastic 'have a good night' and left.We go back to my house and everyone goes to bed. I'm in my room and I'm fucking boiling pissed at this point. I think all the liquor hit me and I overreacted and I couldn't contain myself. I got on my phone and I texted her. I went on this mini rant about how I was disappointed in her and if she was going to do drugs I didn't want to know her. I told her that's not my life or scene, that my friends don't do shit like that. Also saying I was disgusted in her decisions and how I was pissed that she asked for my help and then basically did the opposite. That maybe I built up an image of her in my head and it was wrong. I fall asleep. I woke up around noon the next day to an essay long text with terrible grammar and no punctuation at all. She basically yelled back at me and shamed me for making her out to be a horrible person and that I don't know her or what she's been through. That she's never been in a situation like that and felt overwhelmed and that's why she asked for my help. But then even said I'm probably just overreacting because I was drunk. I text her back and apologize, run some damage control saying it was just coming from a good place. She then almost brushed it off like it wasn't a big deal, blaming it on that I was drunk and probably didn't get good sleep the night before.I don't talk to her for about 3 days and then see her at the bar when I went up there. That night she saw me only said hi and only that. I was going to try to talk to her but she left early and took another female co-worker home.I text her something to the effect of "do you still hate me? I just don't want you to think I'm a complete asshole. I really was only looking out for you..let's talk sometime". The next night I go up there with some friends to hang out. She's working again. She said hi to me, sorry I didn't reply to your text I wanted to but I was busy all day. I just pulled her into me and hugged her and said I'm sorry. We then had random conversations throughout the night for like a few minutes at a time. Not mentioning what happened but just talking about different things. The bar closes at 2 but my friends wanted to leave at 1 to go have a bonfire and drink at the house. I invite two of the bartenders that were off already earlier that I know back and Ashley. They all said yeah we'll come over after everybody gets out of here. Ashley said she was kind of tired but would probably come. 330am rolls around no one shows so I'm like whatever man, I tried. My best friend's wife and one of her friends Uber up to this 24-hour diner nearby while me and besty stay at the house. Guess who's up at the diner? Ashley with some other co-worker. Best friend's wife went up to her and said "I thought you were coming over". Ashley said no I'm tired and just wanted food. Have not seen or talked to her since then. The other two bartenders text me in the morning and apologized for not coming saying they were too drunk and went home. I'm ok with that.So anyways in talking with many of my friends about this. I've gained some perspective on what I want in a relationship. I know I want all the right things, to do the right thing and to have someone that will provide support I can count on. It's just hard not knowing if I should continue pursuing Ashley or to move on. I know I fucked up I overreacting to the situation earlier in the week. I just don't know how she feels about the entire thing. I find myself staring at her picture because she's so damn beautiful. She has cute tendencies and surprisingly is kind of shy. I just don't know if it's really being shy and there's so much more to learn, or if she is truly something like a drug addict and manipulative or or she's just a broken soul and I feel like I have to fix it. That's my overthinking issue. This shit stresses me out.Tl;dr: Ex was a shitty bitch that fucked me up and now I had a decent "date" with a new girl but drunkenly overreacted to a recent drug use. Wat do? via /r/dating_advice

#dating #dating advice #reddit