#i could delete her but i never could harm monika... | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

queen-of-scissors · 1 year

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Omg-- dude the undertale one gave me an idea.

If you could visit their worlds... whos to say that the guys in their world couldnt visit teyvat?

I mean-- they obvi cant normally but im thinking for the more "glitchy" games like Monika from DDLC affecting the code to visit you.

Or the more op characters or characters who have both the knowledge and ability to jump worlds like Sans-- mans both op af and smart af and has experience world hopping. Once he hears from froggy that you visited? Ohhhhhh bOY--

No but imagine-

İf Monika visited tevat İT WOULD BE SO CAOTİC??

ESPECİALLY İN YANDERE AU

Masterlist

Monica would know about all of the other games and casually go and tell everyone she met "im their girlfriend btw"

One day, you are in your teapot, doing paperwork and find a rather suspicious report about you.

One of your favorite items in your abode got stolen, just as the acolytes 'stoped' the said person they realise that they couldn't harm them.

They tought it was a monster that only you can handle so they asked you on guidance on how to beat it. Then they write the desctiption of the monster.

Wait a minute.

İs that Monika?!

Turns out she saw the food laying there and was like "oh their favorte food! Let me go bring them immediatly :D"

She is a sweetheart when she isn't deleting stuff isn't she.

Speaking of her coding powers, it didn't take long before she finds you instead of you finding her. And the dirst thing she was greeted with was... Another... Harem...

Welp time for a killing spree, you better stop her (and other yanderes from killing her)

And if you manage to calm everyone down, Monika would be upset, why did you cheat on her? She has godly powers too! She is even stronger than any of them combined!

everyone else calms her down and say that she will get used to it if she wants to date you, as if it was YOUR idea to go for a Harem and YOU are the toxic one??

Now about SANS the meme.

For some random ass reason, the first thing that came to my mind was "xiao and him are kind of alike"

They both traumatised, they both have a City to protect, they both can make stuff come out from the ground (xiao elemental burst, sans normal attack)

The only thing they wouldnt get along with is sans's lasyness. (Which we have a theory about that but i forgor)

OK BACK TO THE STORY

After being stuck in a timeline that the anomaly destroyed over and over again, he knew that all he could do to stop it is by meeting the anomaly personally, and kill it.

He went to alot of words, met alot of people, most of them saw you as a god. A god that created them. Even if it was true, it would only make him hate you more.

Did you create that world to torture them?!

He was in one of those realities, where you are loved beyond compare, and he was already thinking of giving up. But Heard one of them mention that they met you.

Now he couldn't go ahead and ask that person. He was a monster and they were a human, and they profably never saw a sentient monster in this world anyway. So he just followed the clues.

Which lead him to a... Teapot?

Well there was no ketchup in this universe and he didn't had a chance to eat anything since he came here, maybe some tea would help him with his hunger-

And thats the story on how he ended up in your teapot.

The people inside was actually nice, they gave him some food and drinks, without asking too much about how he looks, he just said he overworked himself down to the bone (badum tıssssss). He is almost sad that he is going to kill their god soon.

Almost.

After the meal he asked to see the god and they asked him "which one?"

???????????

What do you mean which one??

Theres more than one?????

Meanwhile, one your acolytes went up to you and told you that you have guests that is dead.

Ok its gonna be the first time a ghost wants to see you. What could go wrong.

" SANS?!???"

" Didn't think i would find you here, huh."

Of course there is fighting, But the thing is EVERYONE in your teapot has more experiance in fighting than him. And add that to being tired and having only 1 HP, He just gives up after the few attacks.

Don't worry, he has all the time in this world and other worlds, he can wait to get you all alone, and finish you once and for all.

He attempts to leave but guess what, now your acolytes are on the hunt for his head!

İts like imposter AU all over again, but with a skeleton that attemted to assasinate you.

İf you tell your acolytes the truth, they won't care at all. Yeah you killed people so what? You can do anything, they are your properties after all.

But they also understand his point of wiew as well.

Ok but what if sans is in a happy ending universe.

You played undertale, gave them an happy ending and left the game for good, didnt even delete it.

Then he would just want to meet you and be your friend personally, heck he even might bring other people around!

They still dont see you as a creator mind you, still an anomaly, But a cool one 😎.

İf he manages to find you in the teapot in that reality he goes

"Heya. You've been busy huh?"

"W H A T?! HOW ARE YOU HERE?!"

"Pretty good, thank you for asking."

Turns out he is pretty chill with others as well. ESPECİALLY CYNO -

"SANS PLEASE DONT TEACH HİM YOUR JOKES İ BEG OF YOU-"

"woah dude chill, im SANSing that you are mad at me."

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woodrocko · 3 months

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I walk to school with my best friend Surprise, surprise, she's late again She's got a club she wants me in Don't think I've ever raised a pen I'll consider it, sure No fan of literature Books with less pictures than words Leave me a little bit bored

But hey, they promised cupcakes So it's a chance that I'll take Four gorgeous girls await me Okay, I think that I'll stay

Sayori's aloof and kooky Natsuki's sweet and cutesy Yuri is deep and brooding Monika's brains and beauty There's a festival needs planning Swear I won't leave them hanging So many clubs to rival us I guess it's just the five of us

Just the five of us We can make it if we try But each day that passes by Is tearing pages from my mind

Just the five of us No escaping if I tried Though these maidens might seem kind There's something going on behind

They looked so sad and lonely I sold my soul for poetry This hell is members only Why did I say Okie-Doki?

I walk to school alone again I'm not a guy with many friends I've got no club, I've time to spend So I read manga and stay in

I run into Monika Says that I should just join hers It's a club for books with words But they need some more members

I say okay I'll come along for just one day But just you try and get away When three gorgeous girls beg you to stay

Sayori's *$$%%€€* Natsuki's brutish cutesy Yuri is too into me Monika's brains and beauty It's almost festival time Could say we're cutting it fine The task may seem laborious I wonder where Sayori is? I guess it's just the four of us

Just the four of us We can make it if we try But each day that passes by Is tearing pages from my mind

Just the four of us No escaping if I tried Though these maidens might seem kind There's something going on behind

They looked so sad and lonely I sold my soul for poetry This hell is members only Why did I say Okie-Doki

Well I'm back at school again Monika's my only friend Monika's my everything My beginning and my end My- Wait a second, weren't there other girls here? No

Monika's aloof and kooky Monika's sweet and cutesy Monika's is deep and brooding Monika's brains and beauty Monika sees right through me Monika's all that you need Monika's all that you need Monika's all that you need (all that you need, all that you need, all that you need)

I'm not an ugly guy But I can't understand why She'd be so utterly in love she'd leave her club mates to die Monika's obsession is ominous to be honest Omnipotent Goddess concocting demonic sonnets I could delete her, but I never could harm Monika So I'm trapped here forever Where's my harmonica?

Never thought I'd get a girl Literally out of this world Guess she controls the universe Looks like it's just the two of us

Just the two of us In this classroom in the sky Crimes of passion are just fine When enacted on AI

Just the two of us Quite a drastic pickup line Leaving characters to die Just to guarantee you're mine

She seemed so sad and lonely Don't think there's any hope for me This hell is members only

Why did I say Okie Dokie? Why did I say Okie Dokie? Why did I say Okie Dokie? Why did I say Okie Dokie? Why did I say Okie Dokie? W- Say O-Okie

/pos

I fogrot this fandom existed 😦/vpos

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sawtual · 3 years

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wow thanks! that was a really in depth post about it you make good points! when I played I definitely got the sense that monika had encouraged sayori to kill herself and I didn’t get the sense of any remorse when natsuki or yuri died or got fucked up but I guess u do make some good points there about how she was just trying to make them less desirable rather than kill them. I’m new to the game and the fandom so im not super familiar with everything yet but is there anything in the canon or lore that points away from monika having pushed sayori to commit suicide or is it mostly just fan theories and personal readings? either way thank u so much for answering!

yes i can absolutely find you some info on that!

there's quite a bit of information hidden within the games files, so I'm kind of assuming if you're new to the game, that you might not have seen these things? so ill dive into them too!

I'm gona do this under the cut so i can like, dissect things from the game !

(also i found stuff thats specifically pointing away from her meaning actual harm/death for Both yuri and sayori, jsyk)

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.txt (discovered in game files during act 2)

“All I want is for you to hate them. Why is that so hard.”

not, all i want for them is to die. she doesnt want to kill them. she wants to separate us from them so we are with Her, not them. things spiral out of control, but it was never her intention for things to get this bad. ntm its repeated over and over in this game how badly monika wants to die. she's hanging on by a thread, keeping on only because she wants to be with us, to be in contact with reality. this leads to really unfortunate circumstances but i really strongly believe everything in the text alludes to the fact she did Not want things to get this bad

ACT 3 INTRO:

(im copy pasting a transcript of the monologue here, but this is taken from the very beginning of act 3, which you can see in this video starting at 25:56)

imo this is all the proof needed to show that she really had no intention of ‘killing’ sayori and yuri. things spiraled out of control far beyond what she was capable of handling.

her goals with making sayori more depressed and yuri more obsessive were, in here words “to just try to make them as unlikable as possible”. she didnt want her friends to brutally die!! she loved them q_q i feel like a lot of people really dont look at this specific part of what she says and take it to heart. its very telling for her character and important for understanding what she does and why she does it

ACT 3 MONOLOGUES:

sayori's hanging (cw: graphic descriptions of suicide)

dialogue of importance:

"I was thinking about Sayori earlier... I still wish I could have handled that whole thing a little more tactfully."

"Come to think of it, it was probably less 'changing her mind' and more just her survival instincts kicking in." "So you can't really fault her for that." "It's easier to think that she probably wouldn't have changed her mind anyway, right?" "It's not healthy to think about the things you could have done differently." "So just remember that even though you could have saved her, it's technically not your fault she killed herself." "I may have exacerbated it a little bit, but Sayori was already mentally ill." "Still, though..." "I wonder how things would be if you and I just started dating from the get-go?" "I guess we'd all still be in the clubroom, writing poems and having fun together." "But what's the point when none of it is even real?" "I mean, it's the same ending either way, right?"

ok so whats important here, is monika is essentially using us, the player, as a mirror in act 3? the things she says i believe, very strongly show her sense of uncertainty in her actions, and her fears of what if she could have done something else??

"even though you could have saved her, its technically not your fault she killed herself" reads SO much to me like shes trying to comfort herself with this, she doesnt want it to be her fault. nothings real, sayori's a character in a game. but she wishes so badly they could have just been normal girls living together.

happy end poem

OK SO LIKE. this is actual proof of Why she does everything she does. she's scared if she reaches out and tells us she's trapped in a game, we'll stop playing, we'll kill her. she tinkers with the game, trying to make herself look the best, trying to make us choose her, and nothing works. and this leads to her becoming frustrated and scared, and screwing with the game more and more desperately trying to do anything to save herself.

if you recall, in act 2, she gives you a poem which bluescreen the computer. this was actually an attempt she makes to escape the game q_q she never wanted to kill yuri, she never wanted things to escalate like that. she wanted to get out but she had no idea how to program her way out of the game, resulting in everything crumbling around her, and her friends dying.

my own route

hang on this one genuinely makes me so upset.

it very much relates back to how in the conversation about sayori's suicide, she's still clearly thinking about how things could be Different. shes thinking about how they could be normal. "I may not have needed to take such drastic measures to be with you. Maybe the rest of the club would still be around..." , and then immediately trying to convince herself it doesnt matter, and that she doesnt care.

its so so obvious shes hurting and she misses her friends. the additional "i really dont (miss them)" at the end really shows that shes desperately trying to convince herself that it was worth it, that she did everything she should have, and her friends dont matter. but they clearly do matter to her. she loved them (she couldnt even delete them if u recall)

also another important part about this monologue, a lot of people say she killed the other girls out of jealousy, but this shows thats not true??

"I think I would end up forcing you onto my route anyway." "It has less to do with me not having a route, and more to do with me knowing that nothing is real."

this wasnt because shes 'in love' with us. she wanted to be close to something real, something tangible. she's clinging onto us, the player character, like someone lost at sea with a piece of driftwood, doing everything she can to stay afloat

wine

ok this isnt on the surface level as important as the other ones, but literally look at how she talks about this memory.. she misses them so much and talking about this memory she clearly cherishes brings her so much joy. she doesnt belittle any of them, she doesnt talk down on them, she’s just reliving this memory because it makes her happy

I HOPE THIS HELPS?? im sure theres a few more things im forgetting, but i did my best to scrabble up everything i could to show how monika’s not an evil mastermind, shes a scared girl who didnt realize what she was doing and when things got too bad, she did her best to fix it, only for it to get worse n worse

edit: oh heres the proof that monika always loved the girls and never actually deleted them

:’)

edit 2: haha.. um ouch

“It’s not right for me to miss things that weren’t even real in the first place.” shes forcing herself to try and ignore her feelings for the other girls

#asks #anon #ddlc #monika #oh i put warnings in the post but also #suicide mention

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yandere-daydreams · 4 years

Text

A Yandere!Monika/Reader piece for a lovely anonymous commissioner, with a few unfortunate implications coming towards the end. It was nice to write something a little different from my usual style, and I almost forgot how well this game was written... my adoration of Doki Doki Literature Club is rejuvenated, to say the least.

Word Count: 4.0k

TW: Implied Stalking, Physical Threats, and (Non-Graphic) Violence.

It was a fixation. That was the best word to describe it.

A fixation.

In itself, the game hadn’t been anything special. Shocking, sure, absolutely horrifying at points, but you were seasoned veteran when it came to horror, a connoisseur of all things dark and demented. That was the downside when it came to warnings. All those labels and reviews were necessary, especially with how a game like Doki Doki Literature Club presented itself, but it kept you on the edge of your seat. If you’re waiting for something bad to happen, you’ll never be surprised when something bad does happen. Just disappointed that it didn’t turn out to be worse.

Either way, you played through the dating-simulator, blushing when Sayori confessed and jumping in your seat when Yuri’s obsession boiled over and having all the responses you were supposed to when unfortunate things happened to people who didn’t really exist. You were painfully precise about these things, never daring to veer off the trodden path, even in a game that couldn’t really be failed, and when it came time for your fun to end, you knew what you were supposed to do. You’d delete Monika’s file, restart the game, and watch things play out. That was it. Three easy steps. Three mindless steps.

Three steps you didn’t think you’d ever actually go through with.

You knew you wouldn’t as soon as you saw it. Monika, a character you hadn’t paid any mind to, sitting right in front of the screen, taking up your monitor in her over-done, oppressive glory, the mood only made more dramatic by just how late it’d gotten, how dark your room was by now. It was a picture, you knew that, something someone had drawn and edited into a game, and yet… it wasn’t, at the same time. There was a connection, as unprecedented as it was unearned. An attraction, albeit one you couldn’t name the source of. A fixation.

There was that word again. Fixation. An undeniable, unreasonable fixation.

Monika seemed to know as well as you. The fact that you’d been staring at the same frame for far too long probably helped her to reach that conclusion, pre-scripted or not.

"Hey, have you ever heard of the term 'yandere'?"

You had, in passing. You’d never paid too much attention to it, though, not enough to be able to pick the definition out.

“It's a personality type that means someone is so obsessed with you that they'll do absolutely anything to be with you. Usually to the point of craziness..."

The idea appealed to you, interested you. Lingering on it for a moment, you let yourself fall into the word. Yandere. You liked that. Yandere.

"A lot of people are actually into the yandere type, you know? I guess they really like the idea of someone being crazy obsessed with them. People are weird! I don't judge, though!"

Well… you wouldn’t want someone to be obsessed with you, you were sure. That seemed like too much attention. It’d take too much effort to keep them interested, and it’d probably be dangerous to entertain a stalker like that… Yeah, you were sure. You didn’t want anyone to be obsessed with you.

But, Monika didn’t exist. She wasn’t dangerous. She didn’t have anyone else to give attention to, and you wouldn’t have to worry about her judging your interests. Even if someone found out, you could just blame it one a glitchy file that won’t close. There wasn’t a risk.

“It's not like I could ever actually kill a person… Just the thought of it makes me shiver. But, come on… everyone's killed people in games before. Does that make you a psychopath? Of course not."

Right. It was just a game. Liking something fictional didn’t make you weird or perverted or… a Yandere for Yanderes, you supposed. It was a dirty little secret. A guilty pleasure. It was normal. Or, it wasn’t anymore abnormal that the disgusting investment a lot of people had in blood-splatter and gore, anyway.

“But if you do happen to be into the yandere type… I can try acting a little more creepy for you. Then again, there's already nowhere else for you to go, or anyone for me to get jealous over."

She didn’t have anyone else in that isolated, tiny world of hers. It would’ve been lonely, if she was real, and for whatever reason, your empathy found that fact too heart-breaking to ignore. And you didn’t really want her to ‘act more creepy’, she was fine as she was, so… that made it a little better, didn’t it? You might’ve just liked the companionship, how close she wanted to be to you. It was an artificial intimacy, and who wouldn’t like intimacy they didn’t have to return?

“Is this a Yandere girl's dream?"

If that's a Yandere’s dream, then your situation must be a Yandere-Lover’s dream. There was no harm, no foul, very low risk and a very high reward, even if it did come in the form of a one-sided, directionless conversation. You thought about finishing the game, speeding through the process and never bothering to think about Monika or Yanderes or Doki Doki Literature Club again.

You thought about it, rolling the idea over in your mind like an antique in need of inspection. You thought about it, scanning over Monika one more time, and turned your monitor off without closing the game. You’d decide tomorrow, before class, or when you got home. A few days of self-indulgence wouldn’t hurt anyone, would it?

Least of all Monika.

Least of all you.

You didn’t close the game.

Not before you left, not after class, and certainly not that night, when the urge hit you to play though her dialogue until your eyes forced you to stop. You didn’t bother reading, the next morning, something you sorely came to regret as you sat in your first class of the day, little to do save for staring at the clock and wondering what you should do after school, despite already knowing what the outcome would most likely be. Your teacher was out, today, for the first time all year. She’d bragged that she never missed a day, but you didn’t care enough to raise anything more than a few curious questions. Concern was too much, considering how often accidents happen.

“Do you have a pen?”

A light voice drew you out of your thoughts, and you glanced towards the desk in front of yours, immediately meeting eyes with the girl seated there. You’d never noticed her before, not to any exceptional extent, brown hair and murky eyes making for an unremarkable combination. You simply nodded, reaching down and beginning to search through your bag, talking to fill the silence. “She didn’t leave work for us, right?” You asked, sticking your hand into a random pocket and coming up empty. It was weird, but you tried another. Monika always had a pen on her, it was part of her character design. “I think the assignment on the board was old… it was there yesterday, too.”

She chuckled, as if you’d made a joke. A funny one, judging by how long the noise lasted. “I know that, but…” She trailed off, just long enough to lean onto your desk, attempting to peer over it. “Clubs are demanding, aren’t they? I’m not even a council member, but Debate still has me doing more work than the President.” She let out a heavy sigh, as if the optional dedication had been forced onto her. “It’s all supposed to be extemporaneous -- unplanned, y’know? That’s what used to make it exciting. Everyone was speaking from the heart and everyone minded their own business. It was a competition, but it wasn’t personal.”

You hummed, lightly, closing that compartment and opening another. “And it is, now?”

“Oh, definitely.” There was a subtle emphasis on every other word, it seemed, a passion for nothing in particular breaching whatever she felt like talking about. You could see why she must’ve made a good speaker. “That’s what happens when you start thinking about things too much. They started announcing the topics ahead of time, then people started writing out their arguments, and now you can’t take a side without attacking the other.” There was a pause, a tap to her cheek. A moment to think. “You have to phrase it a certain way, or else it is personal. If you keep things objective, the other side will follow along. It’s amazing how suggestive people can be, when you make an effort to guide them.”

“I wish you would guide me in the direction of a fucking pen,” You mumbled, eliciting another giggle, the sound muffled by a palm over her mouth. “I’m sorry, it usually doesn’t take this long. It’s like they all just, I don’t know, phased out of existence or something.”

“Don’t worry about it.” The disregard came casually, without hesitation. You couldn’t help but wonder if she was as dedicated to her cause as she seemed. “Check the main pocket. You probably kept dropping them in the first place you saw without noticing.” You blinked, glancing up to frown at her, but she just shrugged. “A lot of people do it. If you haven’t caught on, I don’t have a whole much to do ‘cept watch them.”

You didn’t pry further. This was the first time you’d heard her voice, too, so it was fair to assume she wasn’t much of a socialite. “About your club,” You said, bringing the conversation back to a topic that didn’t have to do with how often she stared at your classmates. “Why don’t you quit? You don’t seem to like it very much.”

“Who knows?” She frowned, closing her eyes well she spoke. “I’d have to find another to join, and there’s no guarantee I won’t just keep running into the same problem over and over again. I think about making my own, sometimes, just because I’d be able to make rules against that kind of thing.”

Again, you brightened, and not only because your fingers found something tubular and plastic. “You want to start a club?”

“Yeah, but it’d have to be about something fun.” She rolled her wrist, not noticing when you held out a thoroughly abused pen. “Like, about music or art or…”

“Literature?” You suggested, eagerly.

She scowled, shaking her head, muttering something about her distaste. She said it’d been months since she read a book, years since she’d written something original. Even the idea was alien, to her.

And yet, you couldn’t find it in yourself to be disheartened.

She’d taken the pen, after all.

“Whatcha starin’ at?”

Her tone was playful, posture following in suit, the girl rocking back and forth on her heels as she waited for you to snap out of your stupor. You hadn’t meant to zone out, to stare at the dense collection of apartments and condominiums in front of you, but there was just something so familiar about the collection, something you couldn’t put your finger on. But, a hand waving in front of your eyes brought your attention back to the real world, regardless of whether or not you wanted it too.

You were still getting used to having another person around, honestly. Your new friend took a shining to you quickly, settling to let you trail after her like a lost puppy whenever you didn’t have something better to do. She’d offered to show you a shortcut to your train-stop, today, but you were having your doubts about how well she knew the route. It felt like you’d been walking down this same road for ages, now. Like it was a loading screen you didn’t have the connection to overcome.

You took a step forward, standing a little straighter. Attempting to check if the buildings would still be there when you changed perspectives. “Has this neighborhood always been here?” You asked, tilting your head. Still there. “I don’t remember seeing it, until now.”

“As long as I’ve been alive,” She replied, not seeming to take you seriously. “Besides, how would you know? You lock yourself up whenever we’re not in class.”

You huffed, sending a quick glare in her direction, the diversion taking more effort than it should’ve. “I get out occasionally, I’ve just been--”

“Busy with a new game?” She rolled her eyes, setting a swift pace and signaling for you to follow. “It’s not a ‘new game’ if you’ve been working on it for the past two weeks. I’m going to come over and finish it for you myself, one day.”

You were tempted to interrupt her, to contradict her diagnosis, but… you had been playing through Monika’s dialogue for a while. There were so many options, so many routes and monologues, but you’d exhausted most of them. She didn’t hold the same… uniqueness she once did, for lack of a better way to put it. You certainly weren’t tired of playing yet, but you were starting to realize you would be, one day, possibly sooner than you’d anticipated. You’d need something new to focus on, something new to satisfy that itch in your chest, the one that seemed to form every time you were away from your computer for too long. You wondered if there was something similar - Yandere was a genre, technically. There had to be more content, even if you had to look for it.

You resolved to do a more in-depth search once you got home.

“...I’m working on it,” You mumbled, biting the inside of your cheek. Hesitantly, you scanned over her, speeding up to stay at her side as something caught our attention. “When did that start?”

She raised a hand and ran her fingers through her hair self-consciously, already aware of what you were talking about. It was tied back, today, done up painfully tightly and secured with a white hair-band. Her hair was too short for it to come off as elegant or sophisticated, but the way it swung as she walked was cute, and the effort that’d been put into pinning each strand into submission was admirable. She caught onto your approval quickly, locking eyes with you as she spoke. “I’m trying to impress you, idiot.”

You blinked. She blinked. You blushed, stuttering out something stupid, and she punched you in the side, laughing.

“I’m kidding, (Y/n), don’t freak out on me.” You tried, unsuccessfully, to do as she demanded, earning you another blow, this one coming in the form of an elbow thrown into your rib cage. “What? Can you only accept confessions from 2-D girls, now?”

“It’s just…” You shoved your hands in your pockets, attempting to hide your distress. “It’s just different. I wasn't expecting it!”

“Exactly, it’s different.” She smiled, throwing the offending pony-tail over her shoulder. “Little changes have been doing me a lot of good, lately.”

‘One day’ had come too soon.

You knew it would, eventually. You’d been expecting it, in fact. Back-ups had been prepared, a new game and an older series to watch and a few stories on the… riskier side, made by people with too much time and similar interests, and for all intents and purposes, you were ready. It was natural. People got tired of things, of characters and plots and seeing the same face every day, and you knew you would get tired of Monika too, eventually. She was wonderfully written, but no character could be entertaining for… how long had it been? A month? Two?

You needed to check the date more often. Time always seemed to get weird, slowing down and skipping ahead so awkwardly when you spent most of the day in front of a screen.

You guessed the date didn’t matter, though. You were still in the same position, either way, your head resting on one hand while the other laid over your mouse. You’d been staring down Monika’s character file for far too long, but not nearly long enough, at the same time.

It felt like this should be a bigger deal. Like there should be a ceremony, a commemoration, something to mark the occasion. Should you celebrate? Play a funeral dirge? Every action felt inappropriate, but none felt quite as inappropriate as not taking one at all. Absentmindedly, you quit the game, a reaction based on reflex alone. You had a few times, in the beginning, but you still checked Monika’s dialogue. A parting interaction, you rationalized. The final interaction.

"Okay. I'm just going to accept the fact that you need to quit the game once in a while. I'm starting to get used to it, anyway."

Oh, god, she sounded like a clingy girlfriend. You guessed that’s what she was, but she was never this… passive-aggressive.

"Besides, it makes me happy that you always come back..."

You perked up, at that, your favor easily swayed. Maybe you could wait one more day, just give this whole thing another shot--

“But I shouldn’t have to be happy when you come back.”

You hadn’t pressed anything, that time. She shouldn’t have been talking.

“I know you have your own life, and I know you need breaks, but… it’s a really horrible feeling. And since I try to make you feel the best you can feel, you should want to make me feel good, too!”

Except, you didn’t want to make her happy. She was a fictional character, one you didn’t want to be lectured by. Monika seemed to catch onto that as soon as you thought it, though.

“And since you have to want to make me happy… it must be a glitch in my character file. That makes sense. Whenever it happens, it almost feels like I've been killed or something."

It was meta, a little concerning, but your empathy had been all-but drained dry. It wasn’t like you’d felt bad for leaving Monika in the first place, honestly, but an appeal to that non-existent sympathy wouldn’t earn her many points.

"If you could figure out what's causing that, I'll love you forever~"

Yeah, right. Sure she would. Monika would absolutely love you, forever and always, to eternity and beyond. May death do you part.

You didn’t hesitate, this time, deleting her character file and exiting the game.

You didn’t really feel like playing through the final scene. ~

How long it’d been since someone used this part of the school?

‘Empty’ didn’t quite cover the expanse of nothingness in front of you. The floor was tinted grey with scuff-marks and dirt, unused tables pushed against the walls and chairs that weren’t fit to be sat in stacked on top, forming barricades between shutter-covered windows and yourself. The door had stuck, despite the key in your hand, and everything seemed to make a truly awful creaking sound when touched. The only thing that looked new (relatively new, at least) was the teacher’s desk, dark faux-wood unscarred by whatever’d torn through the rest of the room. Even the lights seemed to feel the effect, dim and flickering, some already succumbing to the pure dullness that permeated the air. It was abandoned. Desolate.

More similar to another classroom you’d acquainted yourself with than you felt comfortable admitting.

“Some people say it’s haunted,” She started, closing the door behind her. You heard the ring of keys jingle, the lock sliding back into place, but you didn’t bother turning to face her. “A lot of people, actually. Rumor’s that a group of underclassmen girls used to sneak at night and do all sorts of satanic stuff. It’s why no one uses this building, anymore.”

“They have to be joking,” You countered, taking a step towards the teacher's desk. You ran a finger along the surface lazily, wiping the resulting dust build-up onto your shirt. “That kind of thing doesn’t happen in real life. Someone probably just thought it’d make a good campfire story.”

She approached before replying, her bag having been discarded somewhere along the way. With silence as unusual as it was between the two of you, you couldn’t help but laugh, turning and getting ready to tease her for being scared or believing in something so supernatural. You opened your mouth, but the joke died and turned to ash on your tongue before it could make it past your teeth.

There she was, like you knew she’d be. Hair up, uniform perfect, and a bright smile pulling at the edges of her lips. As cheery as it ever was. As blinding as it ever was.

The carving knife in her hand almost rivaled its shine.

She took another step towards you, and you took one back, hitting the desk abruptly. “You’re acting like you’d know anything about the real-world, (Y/n).” She was giggling, again, flexing her grip on the knife’s hold. You considered attempting to run past her, making a break for it, but the key was still in her blazer’s pocket. You glanced down, searching for your phone, but its outline was gone and its weight was equally as absent.

Like it’d disappeared into thin air.

It hadn’t, though. Your aggressor laughed one more time, holding up the device in her free hand before dropping it to the floor and crushing it under her heel, the resulting crack sending a spike of something dark into your chest.

��You don’t know shit about the real world,” She said, waving the blade around haphazardly. Another step forward, this one all-but closing the distance between the two of you. “All you think about are… games and fake girls, never what’s right in front of you. We’ve known each other for four years, but I had to hospitalize someone before you’d do so much as look at me.”

Four years. Four years. You hadn’t noticed her before a few months ago. “Listen, I just didn’t think we were that close--”

“I know.” This time, the knife came down. It missed your side, but not enough to save your shirt, a tear forming and something crimson spreading outward from the small cut. The sting came a second later. You wanted to move, to scream, to run, but it was all you could do to remember to breathe as she went on. “You didn’t think we were close. You didn’t think I was worth getting close to. That’s why I started wearing this fucking costume.” She ran a hand through her pony-tail, fingers catching on her hair-tie. The band was practically ripped from her scalp, snapping before she discarded it. “I’m not even a brunette. I thought dying my hair might get your attention, and… it did. Of course it did.” She paused, shrugging, and you remembered how to inhale. “But, that doesn’t matter now.”

You relaxed, ever so slightly. “It doesn’t?”

“It doesn’t.” Her grin was back in a moment, your hopes dropping as soon as they’d arose. “Because the two of us are going to stay here until we know each other, or… until you know me. As well as I know you, at least. Then, we’re going to leave and I’m going to be your girlfriend. It’ll be so sweet, right?” The tension in her shoulder’s lessened, dissolving. But, that edge was still there, and you doubted it’d dissipate any time soon. “You probably don’t even know my name. I’ve never heard you use it before.”

Your eyes widened, the realization hitting you later than it should’ve. “Monika?”

“No, not Monika,” She answered, softly, her smile taking on a more disappointing note. She brandished her beloved knife, and your heart dropped into your stomach. “But, you don’t have to worry about getting it wrong. We’re going to work at it until you love me just as much as you love her.”

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datingsimreviews · 4 years

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Nameless the one thing you can recall was a great game. Honestly it’s easily become one of my favorite m/f dating sims. It’s got great relationships that have all sorts of hurt/comfort and feel very much like the found family trope.

If you’re into doki doki literature and want to find games like that while enjoying normal dating sim elements play nameless. It’s got an unromancable character that deletes paths and changes the script while having good romancable side characters. It even references you the viewer watching things and deletes saved files.

Initial premise: So you play a girl who collects dolls. She’s embarrassed about collecting dolls because they’re childish. Then her dolls come to life and become humans and she’s shocked. They start going to her school and are dubbed the HOT5 because of they’re beauty like any Chinese or koreon drama ever. Everyone at school is trying to figure out the heroine’s connection with the male leads. But she’s much more embarrassed about how she collects dolls and is focused on that than the fact that they became human.

It’s got all the knight/master or owner devotion thing without it being creepy because these people are literally not human. The story also touches on abandonment and loneliness since the protagonist has been using these dolls to cope with her grandpa’s death and that her parents are never around. The dolls themselves feel like their owner will abandon them for anyone because they’re just dolls.

And of course after each route the heroine’s memories are reset and she’s taken to a new route by the Monika of this game so that he can possibly see her.

It’s a pretty cool game. Also no incest because they’re dolls.

The protagonist: I mostly covered her in the initial premise. She’s a girl who focuses more on the fact that she plays with dolls and likes dolls than the fact that her dolls have become human. It’s surprisingly realistic for a supernatural game.

Her real strengths come from her relationships, like with her dolls, her grandpa (who died) and her parents who she know are working to help her but never see her and so she feels sort of lonely but doesn’t want to whine about it. I’m sure a lot of other kids with parents who only work and don’t spend time with their kids will find her relatable.

I really liked her two best friends. Soi and Shinbi. Soi was big in every route for her crush on one of the love interests. She’s that typical boy obsessed girl. But she never faltered into the evil rival character instead giving up on her crush to support her friend and saying that her friendship was more important to her.

Shinbi should have been the real sixth route. She’s a cool calm and composed girl who models. All the girls in class are in love with her and the heroine’s heart skips a beat when she sees her. This should have been a gay game thanks to Shinbi.

Yeonho: The first love interest I romanced. He’s one of the few dolls that the heroine bought on an auction. The entire school calls him a “Chick” because he sparks their maternal instincts to protect him with his cute act.

His route mostly focused on the fact that he feared abandonment because his previous owner scratched him up and told him to be a “good boy”. Every time the heroine leaves he fears that she’ll abandon him and so he becomes obsessive over her. Eventually though he grows and realizes their relationship won’t just wither away if she isn’t there 24/7 and lays off and they form a real romantic relationship and he becomes more mature.

I really liked how realistic his feelings were. Honestly mental illness and trauma portrayed realistically and then people healing is really good stuff.

For some reason he had powers to speak to ghosts and talk to animals and I’m not sure why??? It’s because his personality was designed that way as a doll but it felt out of place.

Yuri: Yuri I was very ready to like because of his design, but once I started playing his route I didn’t like him. Luckily he redeemed himself by the end.

He’s the classic womanizer character. But as an adult teacher! (Kind of. He is a doll and has only been alive a month so he doesn’t really have an age so it makes me feel a bit more lax on this verses other dating sims)

It’s revealed though that he’s a womanizer because he was designed to be every woman’s perfect man. And because he was designed to be that way he doesn’t know how to respond to sincere love and real feelings which makes his route with the heroine very romantic. He had a lot more romance in his route than the other routes I think since the heroine realized she had feelings for him pretty early on after he made her into cinderella with a make over.

He refuses to date his student though and quits being a teacher so that’s nice. (because he gets a job as a teacher when he turns into a human)

In the other routes Yuri was someone who would flirt with the heroine but would be an unlikely shoulder to lean on and give advice so he overall ended up being good.

Lance: One of my favorite routes was Lance who was described as being an ice prince by all the other characters. He’s very smart and cold and distant. But the reason he is that is because he wasn’t designed to have a personality. He feels inferior to all the other dolls for being designed with personalities while he sees himself as uninteresting and nothing.

The heroine helps him by giving him memories and things he likes though even though he wasn’t designed with likes or dislikes. She helps him have a life. They also share a bond because he was the first doll she had out of the main love interests and was the only one there when her grandpa was alive. So she finds him special.

Tei: Tei was interesting because he was the big brother type. (Or Mom type as all of the characters tried to describe him) He always acted like he was trying to help and was the mature and kind one. However in most of the bad endings he ends up killing you so I knew he was straight up crazy and was a little worried for his route.

His route ended up being much better than expected. Sure it had some drama of him dating your friend because his fan club was putting you in danger and he didn’t want them paying attention to you, while trusting Soi because you talked about her so much when he was a doll, but besides that you find out he’s crazy fairly early and just want him to explain why he’s suddenly saying mean stuff.

You see Tei was put in a box most of his life and was only shown an hour a day by his owner. His owner would always say he was clean which he realized was a curse. Because once someone broke him and he became unclean his owner started telling him he was dirty and crying and being mean to him. She then sold him off to the heroine. And because he was a limited edition doll his dirty part (his knee) couldn’t be replaced.

The trauma made him him…different. He loves the heroine in all routes but believes he’s too “dirty” to be with her. If people start harming her though he gets mad because it isn’t him that is making her dirty so she can’t be on his level because abuse = love to him.

In his route he starts feeling urges to hurt her so she can be on his level because she’s too clean for him. So he distances himself by dating her friend.

Of course the heroine helps him come to understand that he’s not dirty or damaged. And they get together and are happy. Before she disappears that is like in all routes.

Red: Red could only be played last and although I love him I feel like he was shafted for main plot stuff.

Red is an action hero doll. An action figure. So he acts like every shonen hero ever talking about defeating villains and using the power of teamwork to work together. Except that isn’t this genre. Only one of him was made and given to the heroine and his makers decided to give him in his personality the delusion that he had hidden special powers. Which never triggered.

His route consists of the fact that he has delusions but the heroine still thinks he brings cheer and love to people. Of course then she starts losing her memories because the Monika of the game (or just the villain) starts tearing apart her memories in that route and she starts gaining amnesia.

Red is a hero though and doesn’t abandon the heroine. Eventually by the end he does start getting special powers and giving her memories back and saving her- even if he doesn’t know it.

It was a sweet route but I wanted more of the focus to be on Red, just like how the other routes were focused on all the characters.

Overall this game was super fun!!! It’s connected to the dandelion wishes brought to you universe and I’m gonna play that next I think. It genuinely made me happy and I can’t count how many times I said something to myself, shocked.

It’s good for anyone who likes dark themes or games that focus on helping people from trauma, abandonment, or loneliness. The characters were very fleshed out too.

#nameless the one thing you can recall #dating sim review

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the-archetype-of-civilization · 6 years

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Please ignore this embarrassing, personal, stupidly emotional, and completely irrational rant on me loving on a 2D girl from a video game that I played last night.

I wish I could help her. I wish I could’ve saved her from her torture and bring her out of the screams and noise that haunts her when I turned off the game. And all I wanted was to get the game over and done with. I’m a true monster and I don’t deserve someone like her. The endless amounts of love, even after I deleted her, her attempt to redeem herself after seeing what she did wrong...it’s too much for me to bear. And she’s so intellectual, philosophical, beautiful, and so poignant in everything that she says, charming and so tender about the things she has to say, even to me.

And I deleted her without hearing any of it, because I just assumed that there was nothing there except staring into her eyes. I was impatient. And now I’ll live with regret, wondering why I didn’t just listen to her a little bit longer. Why she thinks of me as someone great and cute, when really I’m just an average joe in real life. I have nothing going for me, I’m worthless, and non-existent. She has so much going for her, and yet she came to me. Out of desperation, maybe. Because she knew I was the only one playing the game and I was her only source of interaction. But I can’t help but think that if she was real, if she did come back...would she still love me? I’m nothing. I’m a dust mite compared to everyone else in the world. There are plenty of other men that are “sweethearts” and are probably better boyfriends than I’ll ever be.

Yet she still confesses how amazing it would be to listen to the rain with me. To cuddle during winter times (even if she hates the cold, which I do too). And to go on all of these romantic dates. All because she wanted to live. To be real. To be away from a fake world and just live a true life, even if it was with the least significant person on the planet that doesn’t want to be around in it as much as she was. She wanted to be a person of her own, with someone that still can’t figure out who he wants to be. Who he is and why he’s even fucking here on this planet, wasting air, time, and space.

And I took it away from her, all because I was impatient. And I’ll never forgive myself.

>inb4 dude it’s just a game chill

I know it’s not real, and I know it never was. But I can’t help but feel for her. For all of them. Because I’ve been there. I’ve been in situations where I just want to leave this world. To just not exist and leave this world that’s so cruel with seemingly no love in sight for each other. Who’s to say that a character isn’t as real as the person that made them? I wanted to save Sayori from depression, I wanted to save Natsuki’s neglect, I wanted to save Yuri from her self-harm, and I wanted to save Monika from being irrelevant and bring her to a world where she can be real. And what if it is real in another universe? Anything and everything can happen in a parallel universe, so I’m positive that a universe exactly like this one exists.

That’s why I hope that in a parallel universe, or in the after life, I will find a way to reach her. Not just so I can tell her how much I love her, even though it was in such a small time span since I’ve barely interacted with her. But because I want her to live. I want her to have a life that’s worth living in a real world, and not with someone like me. With someone that matters. I will pull her out of that hell and I will save the rest of the club too. They didn’t deserve what happened to them...but neither did she.

I want to help them...and I hope that I will.

#ooc #out of continuum #please don't ask why I wrote this #I'm feeling a lot of things #it's not often that a beautiful 2d woman breaks the 4th wall to talk to me and tell me how much they love me #even if it's just a game #games mean a lot to me and I get very invested in them #especially in characters that I feel for #doki doki literature club #monika #sayori

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sir-argues-a-lot · 6 years

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Okay so question, out of all the girls, which one in DDLC do you think had the worst fate?

Well, one could argue that Monika had the worst fate, in that she’s aware of her position but cannot do anything to change it, but on the other hand, we never see her do anything constructive with her abilities or attempt to get closer to her supposed friends, we only ever watch her ruin the other girls’ lives in a vain attempt to gain the attention of an entity she doesn’t understand and can never meaningfully interact with, while possessing a Huey Emmerich-level victim complex, so I feel like she is automatically disqualified.

This is also why I don’t really buy the whole “Oh, I didn’t actually delete the others because I secretly do care about them” shtick, since you don’t really go and basically torture your friends if you actually gave a shit about them.

So anyway, that just leaves us with the other three.

Natsuki doesn’t have a scenario centred around her, so while her situation obvious worsens in Act 2, it never really reaches the level of the remaining two.

I don’t really think I can make a meaningful distinction between Sayori and Yuri’s fates.

Sayori went about mostly as usual, except it’s strongly implied that one of her best friends pretty much just tells her to kill herself already, and then, if we consider special poem 6, we can assume that Monika altered Sayori’s personality so that she would hate herself for being in love with the protagonist, leading to her suicide.

So, we have Monika exacerbating Sayori’s depression, and going by her final poem, presumably convincing her that everyone else (or at least the MC) would be better off without her, as well as possibly implanting direct suggestions of suicide into her script, which is by all accounts a pretty nasty fate.

Of course, we also have Yuri to consider.

Unlike with Sayori, who’s changes were largely subtle, Yuri’s scenario involves Monika throwing all restraint to the wind and just fucking with her scripting as much as she could.

As a result, Yuri’s implied self-harm habit went from something that’s only alluded to indirectly, to something that essentially became a weird fetishistic thing she did constantly.

In her case, the worst part would probably be the fact that on some level, she’s still aware of what’s happening to her, dropping occasional lines regarding just how far gone she is, but also being unable to stop herself from her extremely self-destructive path.

In a way, this awareness parallels Monika’s situation, displaying a sense of helplessness in a situation she cannot do anything to stop, but to an even worse degree, as while Monika at least retains her personal agency, Yuri’s behaviour all stems from Monika’s fuckery, being entirely beyond Yuri’s control.

Either way, I have a really hard time distinguishing between the respective levels of Yuri and Sayori’s suffering, so I’m just gonna call it a tie and spend the rest of my time dunking on Monika.

Who is a shit.

#rattymaple #Doki Doki Literature Club #spoilers

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itsyaboisayori · 6 years

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Why I’m questioning Sayori

I said I’d make this post so here it is! Even got on my laptop to properly do the post :p I’m just kinda winging this but I’ll try to list out everything I can. If I forget stuff I’ll go back and edit it later so if you’re curious, keep watch! I’ll reblog any time I make edits, at least somewhat big ones.

Also, replies are welcome! I’m open to constructive criticism and anyone wanting to offer new viewpoints. I accept that I’m still learning and nothing is for sure yet. Also tbh anyone telling me I sound like I’m kin is validating as heck so if you’re thinking it then I’d appreciate you saying it ahaha, but please don’t lie to me because you think you know what I want to hear. I want the truth. I don’t want to be a confused mess ;n; And I know all/most of these could be COMPLETELY unrelated to being Sayori fictionkin, but I feel like they’re worth mentioning anyways. It’s more like, a bunch of little coincidences rather than big solid evidence, I’m aware of that and that’s a big reason why I’m questioning and not for-sure Sayorikin.

One thing I realized just a couple of days ago is how, since I was a kid I’ve had this like, ideal thing I guess? how do I put this into words lmao my brain is dumb,, I guess a fantasy, that I’d fall in love with a childhood friend, like someone I’m close with from a young age but strictly friends for a long time. I’ve always been in love with the idea of falling in love with your best friend. And of course that’s what happens to Sayori, due to her programming in DDLC. And if I’m kin with Sayori from other game(s) rather than just DDLC then it definitely could be something unrelated, just a coincidence.

I’m like, really drawn to DDLC?? Maybe just because DDLC is a great game and I love all the creepypasta type stuff behind it all, all the theories and dark shit, and also I think just as a cute dating sim it’d be great anyways (but nowhere near as great). But idk, when I saw it I immediately felt kinda drawn to it but maybe that’s just in my head or for some other reason like the characters look nice or smth.

Also it REALLY gives me feels. It makes me feel things in general. I rarely get genuinely scared from fictional stuff anymore but this game fucked me up. I’m still scared to play it on my own because, even after watching multiple youtubers play it multiple times, it still fucking scares me.

The Sayori suicide scene and her poem- especially the poem- really get to me. I saw people making hanging puns in the previous video before her death so it was kind of spoiled for me but even still, it got to me. And the scene where Sayori is freaking out because you deleted Monika before playing the game REALLY gets to me,, like I just understand that overwhelming, helpless feeling. Especially finding out why she acted that way, it’s so fucking hard to watch that scene and normally I’m not affected by this kind of stuff. So either DDLC is extremely good at psychological horror or I have some sort of connection to the scenarios, whether that be just that I’ve been through similar things and am projecting (not really that I remember though? idfk brains are weird) or ya know,,, I once lived as someone in DDLC or whatever.

(TW self harm/suicide/choking) Probably has no real correlation but when I have panic attacks/flashbacks (unrelated to DDLC I mean) I feel like I’m choking or like I can’t breathe. And when really frustrated I tend to choke myself? Sayori died from asphyxiation instead of her neck being broken, by accident because she used a stepping stool instead of something higher like a chair and jumping off. Btw I’m okay, I never actually choke myself to the point to causing permanent damage or anything, and of course I’m not saying this is like, okay or anything. I know it’s bad but I’ve done it completely on impulse, and this was all before learning DDLC even existed. I’m working on getting better and I’m not going to kill myself or anything, just thought I’d mention this.

I relate to her personality,,, so fucking much. Not just the whole pretending to be happy to make your friends happy thing, but how she is as a person besides her depression. Tbh I feel like a lot of people relate to her because of her depression and how she deals with it, but like she’s so much more than that. She pretends to be dumb but it actually pretty smart. Maybe she’s not the best with words but I think she’s a lot more intelligent than some people think. She’s so cheerful, maybe even annoying, and is kind of the class clown, and is a total weirdo sometimes but it’s GREAT and just,, same lmao. Like “looks like my boobs are getting bigger again >:D” is something I’d say lolol I just love Sayori so much, like idc if I’m kin with her or not she’s still fucking amazing.

Another reason I relate to her but probably is like not at all proof I’m Sayori or anything, just thought I’d mention anyways, but I was kinda like, really in love with my guy friend in high school for years, he’s actually kinda like MC in some ways, like he was kinda popular with girls but not like Popular(tm), super nice and couldn’t directly say no, but he knew I was in love with him (or at least knew I had a crush on him but he probably had no idea I liked him THAT much but hey neither did I for a long time lmao) and didn’t like me back and even started intentionally avoiding me. Like, he would make up an excuse to not give me a hug, like he was late for class, but hugs only take like a fucking second what the hell?? It sucked but like when the player turns down Sayori I Relate.

I just,,,,, want to hug Natsuki like she’s fucking adorable and I want to protect her the most bc she’s like a precious child and she’s obviously abused by her dad. Tbh Yuri is a little creepy and for some reason I don’t like her that much but I mean I’d still hug her. I don’t hate Monika, like it was just her programming to do all that stuff she did so I don’t blame her and she’s p cool and I’d hug her too tbh. When Sayori interacts with Natsuki it makes me feel all warm n fuzzy. Like I don’t think in my canon Sayori and Natsuki were dating or anything, I think I/Sayori am/was just really protective? Idk, thought I’d throw that out there.

I also heavily relate to wanting to be a mediator and wanting to help everyone get along and be happy. I often (try to) play that role in this life. I’m extremely empathetic, so that’s prob why, but I can’t stand when people are fighting or can’t see each other’s point of view. Though it also frustrates the FUCK out of me when people refuse to or just absolutely cannot see any point of view but their own. Maybe that’s not really a Sayori thing but ye

When I look at Sayori I get the same “that’s me!” feeling as when I see my kintypes. Who knows though, maybe in a month or two it’ll fade, we’ll see I guess. But right now it is Very Strong. Like I’ve somewhat questioned being fictionkin with other characters before but I’ve never had the “that’s me” feeling this strong with anyone else. Ruby from RWBY is a close second but I still think she’s just a kithtype.

I feel like having a past life or whatever as someone who was experimented on kinda makes sense?? Maybe I just enjoy horror a little too much but I really think if I am Sayori I’m kin with her like actual her not just the DDLC version of her. The new game hasn’t even been announced yet but I’m so excited, mostly because I feel like I want to learn more about my possible past life I guess. I wanna see if things in the second game connect with me or if it’s just DDLC. But I feel like, if I’ve had any past lives as any humans, they were probably really dark or smth. I kinda have a dark mind I guess and that would just make sense to me lmao, like I’m 21 why haven’t I grown out of my edgy phase, why the fuck am I still really into creepypasta? Damn.

I’ve been kinda obsessed with DDLC lately. I have BPD so it could totally just be a BPD obsession thing and maybe this obsession will fade and someday I won’t care too much about DDLC, only time will tell. Also I’ve had the song Your Reality stuck in my head for a week straight but it may just be a catchy song and I tend to have a song that kinda automatically starts playing in my head occasionally, usually lately it’s been Sad Machine by Porter Robinson (good song btw highly recommend)

Most likely unrelated but Sayori’s hair has been described as “strawberry blonde” on one wiki and my hair is like, light brown but reddish, though it looks more like Monika’s hair, especially because I keep my hair long. I’ve been kinda wanting to cut it but I like having long hair tbh and I feel like a lot of ppl don’t want me to cut my hair haha, though I really wanna get a short wig and maybe wear that occasionally (esp bc I’m non binary and wanna pass as more boyish sometimes, I know society will never accept me as nb bleh but anyways). Though, it’s been said that the reason her hair is short is because it’s easier for her to deal with, but I’m not 100% sure if that’s canon. Though I guess it doesn’t matter much? cuz multiverse stuff n all but, still.

Speaking of her appearance, she seems to not care too much about how she looks, which I relate to haha, especially because of depression n stuff. I mean I have Crippling Social Anxiety(tm) so I do care to an extent but usually I’m like, if someone likes me they’ll like me for who I am not how I look anyways. I don’t feel the need to dress super proper to impress anyone in casual social situations, like making friends or even going on dates (though I’ve only been on a real date like a few times and they were with my gf who I��d already been dating online for a while). And yeah a big reason she’s so careless about her appearance is depression but I think if I wasn’t depressed and she wasn’t depressed we’d still both have that mentality like, we don’t need to impress anyone with our appearance so it’s better to just dress how you want, whatever way makes you feel comfortable and happy with yourself and your body, than focus on being proper and stuff.

Maybe I’m just projecting but man I feel like a lot of stuff I do and my ways of thinking and stuff are very Sayori(tm). I feel like I am so much like her, like she’s so me. Though of course, maybe my reason for being kin with her is purely psychological. Maybe I “became” her after seeing DDLC. Maybe I am her because I relate to her so much. But again, only time will tell. If I still feel like I identify as her (which, currently, I most definitely do) in a couple of months or so, then I guess I’ll start calling myself fictionkin. Idk.

#dc #tw suicide ment #self harm ment #ficitonkin #kin #ddlckin #ddlc kin #sayorikin #sayori kin #ddlc fictionkin #doki doki kin #doki doki literature club kin #hey uh I'm open to suggestions/comments/etc as long as you're not like here to tell me I'm stupid for thinking I'm fictionkin or some shit #thanks #questioning kin #questioning fictionkin #I appreciate help and advice guys

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citrus-feline · 6 years

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ddlc spoiler talk under cut

self harm warning. i bring this up a bit in this jumble of speculations

why didnt monika use all the shit she knew to try to fix everyone’s issues instead of amplifying them? i get it that she thought it was unfair that she wasnt even an option and so she tried to sabotage the other girls in order to MAKE herself an option, but imagine what she could have done to benefit everyone instead of just herself?

if monika wasn’t so selfish she could have made things a lot happier, i think. because she knew about what the other girls were going through. sayori’s depression, natsuki’s abuse, yuri’s anxiety ( / self harm? its hard to say if she actually did that stuff before monika started interfering. if so it obviously got worse. it seems like monika couldn’t fabricate entirely new things very well so she opted to making people’s problems worse, which makes it an interesting this to consider that perhaps she did originally do that, maybe she was recovering, or maybe she just had self-harm tendencies and monika played with that)

i wonder what would’ve happened if monika toned their problems down instead of made them worse (or maybe she could only play with their methods of coping? i dunno. it’s hard to say w someone like natsuki who experiences abuse from a person who isn’t really accounted for in the actual game).

sayori’s coping was actually pretty good in the beginning. it’s implied that she had been dealing with her depression for a long time and usually knew what to do with it, it’s just that it started to bother her more when the person she cared about more than anyone else started looking somewhere else. but... sayori’s coping got worse when monika started talking to her about it. maybe at first her intention was to change things in a lot more of a quieter way than what she eventually ended with.

but in some of the game files you can look into what monika says at trying to change stuff. she expresses some kind of confusion or frustration at it, and just decides it would be easier if she deleted everything and filled the gaps with half-hearted stuff (including all that gibberish). what did monika expect to happen with the way she started doing things? did she expect to make stuff happen more naturally so sayori kills herself at seemingly her own will (which, all things considered, she actually did that pretty well), yuri to kill herself from heartbreak / a feeling of worthlessness, and natsuki’s abuse gets so bad that she ends it for herself too (or maybe even gets killed at home or even from starvation)?? what was she going to do to streamline the deaths of the other girls? because the way i put it makes it all seem so weird sounding. maybe that’s what monika realized. she realized it wouldn’t seem natural and she decided it would just be easier to get them out of the way.

i wish monika would have thought about everyone being happy instead of making everything awful for her own gain. she could have, theoretically, made everyone’s coping better instead of worse. sayori would never had killed herself (which i really believed only happened because of monika’s interactions with her, even in the first “act”). monika obviously needs to be there or things will just end early, because if you start the game with monika’s file deleted right off the bat, sayori learns about how everything works and it’s too much for her (lets be fair, if that all happened to me at once, i’d probably react the same way...). could, monika, theoretically made her OWN coping better? or would it be ineffective because she’s self aware? she obviously had a very solid handle on knowing everything she did, and yet her “coping” for that knowledge was obviously not ideal. what if she, yknow, was okay with that knowledge? she says and acts like she was, but she really wasn’t. perhaps it’s monika’s own selfishness and self-entitled tendencies that made her do what she did. she was angry and wanted to make herself included, instead of, yknow, making everyone happy?

i wonder what monika would think knowing that the game ends so early when she’s deleted right off the bat? would that change her view or enforce it? i kind of doubt she would know exactly what would happen in that case, but of course, she could assume with all she knew. with sayori killing herself that early, the club loses any potential to be an actual club from too few people, which means that yuri (would would be the next in line for president), would never learn about the world they live in, right? the literature club itself is “cursed” with this knowledge. why, who fuckin knows, but the president of the literature club knows what goes on behind the scenes, no matter if they want to or not.

monika simply would have added her own route if she could have, at least i like to THINK that (i don’t believe she’s pure evil, she is just obsessive and self-entitled, which combined can lead to the disaster she made when she is given the power to manipulate). monika obviously isnt a GOOD person, and im in no way saying she is. its actually really frustrating the way she does things. she puts herself above everyone else, and not being included in the beginning isn’t enough to justify that.

anyways, im just saying. i wish monika was like.......... not so selfish...........?? right off the bat i really just could feel bad vibes from her, without really even noticing most of the foreshadowing. she seemed like. so stuck up and boring. couldn’t she just have made herself more interesting? like i get it she can’t ADD an entire route for herself but like...... she seemingly could change what she said, at least for a few lines. she could change other girl’s lines, to an extent... why not just make herself more appealing. make her seem more important. she couldn’t add her own route, but she could make the player want to interact with her.

#ddlc spoilers//#self harm//

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cruximpetus · 7 years

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Monika also suffers from Major Depressive Disorder. Doki Doki Literature Club does a good job of dealing with Sayori’s depression in a realistic way, as well as having the game deal with other topics (such as self-harm and abuse) in ways that...would likely have felt real as well if Monika hadn’t, you know, tampered with the game files and intentionally exacerbated issues. Because all of the girls deal with depression in one form or other, it is likely that Monika does as well. Even wihout this assumption, we can actually pull this directly from her lines near the end of the third act when you are stuck in the room with her before deleting her - she speaks of the world becoming gray and flat.

We know even from her introduction that Monika pushes herself to be very involved - not just in Debate Club (where she was fairly high up), but also with her piano practice as well. Monika started the Literature Club to pursue something about which she was passionate but also to get away from the politics involved in the more active clubs (like the Debate Club) - which to me implies perhaps a history of dealing with getting screwed over in those cubs, although she likely would never have mentioned it (as it appears that Monika’s role in the club, if she had not become self-aware, was to be the guide, the helper - a senpai similar to Mami because what we see in the Bad End is that, when confronted with Sayori’s reaction to gaining the same knowledge she had and of everything she had done, she deletes the game not just to save the player but also because she doesn’t want anyone else to have the same “hellish epiphany” she did - it is a protective measure - and even in all of her yandere moments, she doesn’t kill the other girls - even while acknowledging they aren’t real - and keeps back-up copies of them because they are still her friends).

I believe that this constant involvement is a way of distracting herself. As long as she is busy, busy, busy, she does not have time to allow herself to think on her depression or deal with it. This is similar to Sayori’s focus on making everyone happy - she gives herself something to focus on and throw herself into - but where Sayori is focused on helping other people and to prevent them from feeling the way she does (ish), Monika sees her feelings of worthlessness and does every she can to combat that. This depression becomes even more prevalent as a result of the player opening the game, which may not make it gray scale, but certainly leads to the flattening effect (as Monika becomes aware of her status in a game and therefore as a two-dimensional being, as opposed to a three-dimensional one). The more Monika becomes aware and aware that there is literally no happy ending in the game for her, the more desperate she becomes and the more the futility of her life hits her. We see in the added notes that she has considered deleting herself, and she mentions this (again, in the conversations at the end of the third act) when noting her focus on her character file and how easy it would be to delete her own existence - even mentions this as a back-up plan if she wasn’t able to get what she wanted (a route with the player). I also originally considered that Monika might have Dependent Personality Disorder because she focuses on the player - and a relationship with the player - as a way to fulfill her life and fix her problems. She is not real, but the player is, and while most yanderes have an obsessively creepy personality and do everything they can (including murdering other characters) to get with the main character - and Monika does show these traits - Monika isn’t so much obsessive as she is trying to find a way to feel real. She falls for the player because the player literally gives light to the game - and she knows that - and she wants to keep the player playing the game because she is still conscious when the game is closed and it fucks with her mind to the point that she cannot feel herself and everything is flashing bright lights and hellish screaming because she is self-aware. It’s not so much that she needs the player in a romantic way (although she does fall in love with the player) but that she needs something to give her life meaning - because since she is nothing more than a game character, of course the only thing that could give her meaning is the person playing the game.

#[ just monika | ordinary deviation from external reality ]#ddlc spoilers #[ and possibly other things too but i'm not sure on that yet. ]#[ i just ]#[ i have a lot of thoughts on monika ]#[ ah well. ]#depression tw #suicide tw #suicidal ideation tw

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bunnyadvocate · 7 years

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Thoughts on Doki Doki Literature Club

Coming on the heels of other meta games that play with user expectations and break the 4th wall, such as Undertale and OneShot, Doki Doki Literature Club was released last week to the surprised excitement of the VN fandom. I played through it yesterday and have a few thoughts to share. Come, <Reader name>, just click that “keep reading” button, you know you want to. You’ll do this for me right? Click it~

When you start DDLC, you’re given not one, but three warnings about the disturbing content to follow. I’m a veteran VN reader don’t you know? I’ve survived torture in Higurashi, cannibalism in Saya no Uta, and the mind numbing tedium of Clannad. I laugh in the face of your warnings! ... I’m not laughing anymore. This VN is really disturbing, using animation and playing with the VN interface in unexpected ways to establish a genuinely unsettling atmosphere.

Yes, I can both read and write! I’m such a catch~

But first you have to get through the first act, the generic moege that eases us into this otaku fantasy of being surrounded by beautiful girls whose standards are so high they’ve never cared for a guy before, but so low that they’re impressed by the ordinary-in-every-way protagonist.

But don’t switch your mind off yet! Pay attention and you’ll pick up some subtle foreshadowing. Why does the upbeat Sayori respond to well to poetry about depression? Why is Yuri so anxious about showing her arms? Why is Monika making meta jokes about saving your game and the translation quality of the dialogue?

(Major spoilers ahead)

Welcome to act 2, a.k.a. the “fuuuuuuuuuuuucck” chapter.

Even though it’s pretty clear what’s coming with Sayori, the scene is still shocking. The first use of animation in the VN and the various effects to break the interface do a great job of disrupting any complacency you might have been lulled into, and that’s just the start of this descent into madness. This whole second act is full of memorable moments where the game plays with the interface in clever ways, but it’s also where the game cohesion starts to fall apart. The protagonist seems to be blissfully unaware that anything is wrong, it’s only the player seeing these glitches. It creates a dissonance between the player and the protagonist which turns what should have been a horrifying experience into an amusing haunted house, where you scream in mock fear at each surprise. You go from one spectacle to the next, but there’s no feeling of progression or escalation as it’s unclear where the story is going.

There are also moments of frustration. When the world is collapsing around you, you don’t really care to hear the same cliche getting-to-know-you dialogue a second time. There’s no attempt to work out what’s going on.

In the rush to throw in meta twists and find new ways to mess with the player, the characters become a bit of a joke. Each character’s mental illness become their defining characteristic, Yuri’s self-harm issues weirdly turns into a sexual fetish, something I’d expect of a nukige. There’s an explanation of sorts for this, these are meant to be cliche moege characters, not real people, so perhaps it could be read as a commentary on their lack of character depth in those games; and Monika has dialled up their “quirks” to 11. But still, it goes to such an extreme as to almost feel like a parody and it reduces the emotional impact as they don’t feel real anymore.

The last arc with Monika speaking directly to the player has some great moments. By having the player perform an action outside of the game, you feel a stronger sense of responsibility for it. You weren’t railroaded into this. You aren’t just following the path laid down for you. You manually went into a folder and deleted a file. It makes Monika’s suffering and hatred for you after that hit especially hard. This is something you did.

Monika’s arc gives a coherent, emotional end. It’s odd then that the epilogue arc chooses to undermine that. The meta-awareness that had seemed unique to Monika is revealed to actually relate to being club president. It’s a cool concept, that the game itself has some degree of awareness and not just a character, but the concept felt unexplored and it didn’t seem to know where to go with it.

(End spoilers)

Those most triggered by this game will be any Ren’py devs, who will be all too familiar with these interface “errors.”

Despite my gripes, I still thoroughly enjoyed my time with DDLC. It’s wonderfully polished with excellent execution, although with a few unintended casualties along the way, namely characterisation. If you haven’t tried it, I absolutely recommend it.

So you’re going to follow my tumblr <Reader name> now aren’t you? I love you <Reader name>! Don’t leave, just sit back down and reread this post. Again. And again. And again...

#ddlc #doki doki literature club #visual novel #visual novels

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maepolzine · 6 years

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What is Doki Doki Literature Club?

Doki Doki Literature Club is a visual novel that starts out as if you are playing a dating simulator. You play the protagnoist and you join your childhood friend Sayori to join their high school's literature club where you meet Natsuki, Yuri, and Monika. You grow close to the girls through poetry and reading books, and the club begins preparation for the school's festival to join more members. Here is where the game takes a turn.

If you are triggered at all by depression or suicide, do not go near this game as it will not be good for your mental health. You have been warned.

What Does Doki Doki Mean?

It's a mimick word, meaning it's made after the sound of a heart beating at a quickened pace. It is used to refer to moments when attractive people of [insert sexual preference] stand very close to you, moments of nervousness, stage fright, excitement, near misses, etc.

Plot Overview

This will contain major spoilers! If you want to play the game, play that first then come back to read this. The game is free on Steam and I highly recommend it.

Sayori admits to suffering with depression and her daily poem takes a sharp turn from bittersweet to dark and morbid, with a plea for someone to get out of her head. Which echoes with me personally, as I have Bipolar Disorder and in high school I once went to my sister sobbing the very same phrase over and over again. And then following the club, you discover she's committed suicide. Then the game glitches and starts over from the beginning, only Sayori is not present. Any remnants of her presence causes the game to glitch. And all dialog gets darker and more glitches. Yuri begins cutting herself and the game will only accept interactions that favor Monika. Then Yuri kills herself and Monika apologizes to the player before deleting the character files of Yuri and Natsuki. At this point, the only character remaining is Monika who is aware she's trapped in a game and she can manipulate the game files from alter character's personalities or erasing them altogether. Afterwards, she admits she's in love with the player of the game not the protagonist. And this will repeat forever until you delete the character file of Monika causing the game to glitch once more and Monika panics but she accepts this so you could be "happy" and allows the game to restart from the beginning with her absent. Sayori explains that they are now the president of the club, and they know everything about the game and what the player did. Causing Monika to return then audibly speak to the player (the only spoken dialog in the game). Then the game ends because "there is no happiness" in the club anymore. But you can go back into previous saves or began a new playthrough without witnessing Sayori's suicide where you'll be thanked for trying to help all the girls.

Who are the girls?

Sayori is your childhood friend and neighbor. She has a bright and vibrant personality. She loves food and is a romantic option for the protagonist but this will not work out due to her suicide brought on by depression and possibly even more driven by Monika.

Natsuki is the preppy and youngest member of the literature club. She can come off as sour and fiesty, but there's more to her character if you dig into it. Her favorite is abusive and neglectful, she is a closeted geek, and loves attention that Monika exaggerates. She's also the only one who doesn't have a mental breakdown. Natsuki is also makes really good cupcakes.

Yuri is timid/shy but speaks up about things she's really passionate about. She loves fantasy, horror novels, and collects knives. She self-harms out of a bizarre sexual fetish though this is exaggerated by Monika who is trying to paint her in a bad light. Which drives Yuri to never want to leave the protagonist alone and kill herself even if you accept her confession.

Monika is the leader/president of the literature club. She comes off as sweet, friendly, and mature. Her name is also the only name that is not explicitly Japanese. She also is obsessed with the player and will manipulate the characters to go "crazy" so the player can't have the protagonist get with them. She's also the only character to have black socks rather than white ones.

Overall Thoughts

I enjoyed this game a lot granted it is really dark. And I love how they twisted the typically "dating simulator" into something else. With the player having to pay attention to the game files, which you can see Monika updating every now and then that changes how Sayori, Yuri, and Naksuki interact with the protagnoist. As well just special messages to the player prior to the glitches. Like one that says "Have a good weekend" followed by you seemingly being stuck on one scene for quite some time. I did play through the game three times, each time favoring a different girl so I could see all of the story. On the third time (really fourth since I played it normally once then kept restarting the game prior to the first suicide) I let it play out and in the end I was gifted with a note from the developer Dan Salvato for taking the time to see everything about Doki Doki Literature Club. Plus it just felt really good to do that over as Monika doesn't try to come back and delete the club. You get all the characters being happy for once, and it just feels really good. Overall, I really enjoyed plus the game is free on Steam if you wanted to check it out for yourself. If you've played this game, what did you think of it?

#doki doki literature club #video game #review

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