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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 2 years

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I am exhausted. I'm exhausted and I can't keep going at my job. I just can't do this anymore.

The last three days at work have been hell.

First day: I show up and there's no one there. I start work an hour after the store opens and two hours after someone else should've arrived. There was no one. So I texted my boss and started all of the prep, but I wasn't going to open without someone else because fuck that. Finally one of my coworkers showed up because he overslept. To his credit he apologized. Then it was just the two of us for three hours until another coworker came in. Two people didn't show up that day. One called out sick and one just decided not to come.

Second day: The worst and the one I'm saltiest about. I show up and the store isn't open again, but at least there's a coworker there. I didn't see her at first because she was asleep. So we opened, and it was just the two of us for FIVE HOURS until someone else came in. It was the three of us for a single hour until one had to leave and there were just two of us. During peak time. I decided to shut down the drive thru because again, two of us, but a manager from fhe gas station (I work in a restaurant connected to a gas station) came over and told me it had to stay open or I could be fired. The way she said it was so fucking condescending, I nearly told her she could fire me and considered walking out. But I didn't. I had to stay an hour later because only one person, my coworker, was scheduled for that hour and I didn't want to leave him alone. It was so busy we didn't have a chance to breathe, but I still managed to finish a couple end of shift things. Not everything, but some. After that extra hour I HAD TO LEAVE and I apologized to the next manager, told him it was just the two of us and told him what I had managed, and that I needed to go. He just said "Okay." He didn't say "Can you wait while I see if there's anything I need you to do?" Or "Before you go can you finish X?" If he had I would've. But he said "Okay." And I had to fucking go. And again, I had done a surprising amount for the fact that there were two of us. To do everything. All day.

Third day: I show up and there are only two of us again. An hour passes and two more people are supposed to arrive. They don't. They didn't call out, they just didn't show up. Finally, an hour and a half after his shift was supposed to start, one of the two showed up. Three of us running everything. An hour before close one of them had to leave, so it was two of us to close. We stayed an hour and a half late. That's midnight thirty btw. We stayed until midnight thirty because people decided not to fucking show up to their goddamn job and I had to pick up their slack.

Then today, there was a manager's meeting. That includes me. In that meeting, the manager from the second day said, to the damn general manager "I know they were short staffed, but so were we, and this is unacceptable" and handed the GM a list of the shit we hadn't gotten done. Y'know, after I stayed an hour late, after running a shift with two people on one of our busiest days. And by the way, he had four people. Four people for a closing shift is a fucking luxury. He wasn't short staffed by any stretch of the imagination, but he had the fucking audacity to complain about me.

I can't keep doing this. Three days like that nearly killed me. On that second day I cried after my shift because it was so frustrating and overwhelming. It's taking such a horrible toll on me. I dread going to work because I'm afraid it's going to keep being like this. I'm afraid I'm going to show up and no one will be there, or I'll have to deal with a rush with just two people, or some asshole manager will call me out at a meeting with every manager for not being able to leave the restaurant spotless after I stayed a fucking hour late, after running a shift with two fucking people. I wish I didn't have to pay rent because I want to quit. This is ridiculous and I shouldn't have to put up with it, but here I am, putting up with it and still getting shit for it. No matter what I do, no matter the shit they give me, I provide service with a smile and I get absolutely nothing but shit in return.

This is why I hate being a fucking reliable worker. I'm expected to do everything and do it perfectly, while other people will do less than the bare minimum and it's tolerated. I'm held to a higher standard, I'm expected to do all of this and not have a single complaint, but people are welcome to complain about me. I wish I could just not care and not work hard and not show up for half of my shifts, but of course I can't. I can't keep doing this, because one day I'm going to have to run a two person shift or deal with a shitty customer or manager, and I'm just going to walk out and not come back. I don't deserve this shit but of course I'm stuck dealing with it, dealing with the crap that everyone leaves me. I work my ass off all the time, then I have one of the shittiest days ever and can't manage to leave the restaurant perfect, and I get called out in front of everyone. Fuck him. Fuck him fuck him fuck him. I've been pissed about this all day which is why I just had to get it out. I can't keep fucking doing this. I shouldn't have to.

#my last job i was treated like shit too whoch is why i left #but it was my favorite job ever and im so sad that i left it but i couldnt deal anymore #one day i came in ON MY DAY OFF so that i could learn how to clean the oven #i needed to learn so that i could do it when i COVERED MY MANAGER'S SHIFT so she could have Christmas with her family #i came in on my fucking day off to help her and that is the day that i learned all the shit she'd been talking about me #one of my coworkers pulled me aside and told me all she'd been saying. she complained to fucking everyone fhat i never did X Y or Z #THE PROBLEM WITH THAT IS THERE WAS FUCKING PROOF THAT I ALWAYS DID THOSE THINGS #she most commonly said that i never did pull-to-thaw. theres a fucking sheet that we always record numbers for and mark if its been done #anyone could look at that sheet and look in the cooler and confirm that i did it so she was just blatantly lying to all of my coworkers #(the reason she could lie was that i mostly worked alone so usually i didnt have coworkers there to watch me)#she decided to take matters into her own hands for. she changed my schedule so that i had to work with her. i was the only one on my shift #WHICH MEANS THAT SHE LEFT A WHOLE SHIFT OPEN. SO NO ONE DID ANY OF THE CLOSING TASKS. BECAUSE I WASNT THERE #our store manager fixed that real quick #what im most pissed about is that she never told me. to my face she said i was doing great. thanked me for running things on my own #but behind my back she said nasty shit about me to everyone else. have the decency to tell me about it #i cant fix anything if i think its all fine. so i left after i learned that. i applied for a new job that same day #after all i did for that bitch. she had the fucking audacity. after all i do at my current job they have the fucking audacity #i like this job. i loved my old job. the tasks were great and the work was a dream #but i can't stay when i know these people dont respect me. i dont deserve that #that fucking old manager chased two other people out btw. theyre understaffed because people fucking hate her #i bust my ass for people that dont care about me and i cant. i cant keep doing this. i shouldnt have to #this is such bullshit

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hecksupremechips · 4 months

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Idk how to even talk to anyone anymore when it’s just the same thing in a loop over and over

#i cant tell anyone anything or ask for help cuz lets see what happens #i get hit with a generic ‘just keep going keep looking for jobs keep going’#or i get *too honest* and then ive completely drained someone of life cuz thats really all im capable of doing anymore it seems #like it seems all i do is go on some sorta monologue about how miserable i am which is pointless cuz its not like anyone will do anything #and its just stressing people out too cuz its like lol if youre helpless and have to listen to me bitch over and over to you #its either annoying as hell to hear or its guilt inducing and we cant have that now can we #and im quite frankly tired of all these options like lol the very few people i actually like and enjoy are just fuckin #nothing anymore cuz im ruining their lives and being an awful friend #its really great how youre supposed to confide in people when youre feeling like shit but then doing so ruins everything #lol what am i supposed to do now you know? i cant talk about anything except myself and my misery #and its a never ending cycle cuz im still here in this unsafe environment and im just so fucking sick #of people telling me to just keep going and keep looking for jobs cuz god bitch thats what ive been doing #and i have nothing yet and lets say i get a job tomorrow its probably gonna pay like shit #and im too incompetent to work 40 hours so if i wanna like ease myself slightly itd take even longer to have money #and its just gonna take forever to save money enough to leave and god I need out like right now #because im just gonna go insane and im gonna kill myself if im here any longer every second im here breathing #feels like im being strangled im becoming a monster too and the worst friend of all time and terribly selfish and whiny #lol i guess ive just got this dumb fantasy where ill be saved by someone who treats me nice and they take me away #and i dont have to wait or lift a damn finger i can just. be safe. and get a hug and not fear my life #im so lazy and worthless and horrible I really do just deserve to die #but i guess i cant say that. cuz then itll make everyone too drained lol

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iouinotes · 5 months

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Show-off | Mike Ross

pairing: Mike Ross x female!reader

show: Suits

genre: smut word count: 2,9k

summary: you and your co-worker Mike dont get along very well. But when you have something that he needs, suddenly everything is different.

a/n: Just watched the first two episodes of "Suits" and something about Mike is really attractive-

Working in a well-known office as a lawyer has it's advantages. Such as being respected by business people or being able to afford a lot of things, you spend all your evenings analyzing documents rather than meeting actual people.

Nevertheless, sometimes there are also negative factors. For example, my co-worker Mike, who really believes, that he is with his ridiculously skinny tie and sarcastic humor better than the others. Or right now, better than me.

"God, I cant believe you. Can you behave for once?" I use my fingers to push my hair back in frustration, noticing how my head starts to hurt. Its 10 pm and I'm currently trying to stay calm, though because of one man in particular, my nerves seem to be getting thinner within seconds. Valuable time is wasted that I could spend somewhere else instead of with him.

"Now it's my fault, that you don't have the documents with you? Sorry, I can't help you being organized in your own workplace." His voice irritates me. Everything about him is so frustrating.

"I told you, I didnt get the message! How am I supposed to know, that you need something, when you don't tell me anything about it? Maybe you should stop being so childish and ask me in the first place, instead of running to Rachel!" If our job had nothing to do with justice and we werent literally standing in a law company right now, I would kill him. And then I wouldn't hesitate to go to court and say it was self-defense, because I didnt want to hear any of his miserable excuses anymore.

"So what do you think, I should do? I need these documents for tomorrow. Please, I know you don't like me, but it is really urgent." Why does he has such blue eyes? The look he is going me is even more irritating than his voice.

I sign, exhibit my laptop and try to put the pens back, that are laying all over my desk.

"Okay, fine. As I said, the documents are at home, so-" I don´t even get to finish my sentence.

"Great, so I'll meet you there. And I wont even tell anyone, if your place is a mess." His eyes wander over my messy desk, and even If I don´t like to admit it, it's a bad habit of mine. But, he shouldn't make any assumptions about the neatness in my apartment.

"I hope you loose the documents on your way home." At my words, he grins smugly.

"Well, then I could lie and say you didnt found them anymore and I hadnt had the chance to go through them." He leans towards me.

"I'll run you over with my car." He raises his eyebrows at my threat.

"You sure should do something that makes you smile more often. Is that even something you know how to do?" I show him my middle finger and turn to left my office. When I close the door, I hear the laughter in his voice.

"The next storm should be named after you as quickly as you left the room." He follows after me.

"Can you shut up for once? Oh, I forgot. You don´t last one second being silent. Thats a shame, the world could finally heal." His hand rests on his heart, his features fake a hurt expression.

"Ouch. You really don´t like me that much, huh?" His eyes try to search mine.

"You get on my nerves on purpose every fucking day. Should I thank you for that?" I turn my head to look at him.

"Yes, you should. Your life would be so boring without me." He grins at me again from the side, that typical grimace that is always adorn on his face.

"You wish." When I tell him my address, he raises his eyebrows, but before he can make an unfavorable comment, I get into my car.

Darkness surrounds me and when I see him going away, I lower my head to the steering wheel. He really is the best at confusing my emotions.

~~~~~

I turn off the lights of my car and get out of it, so I can finally make my way to my flat. Its not something special, I mean I have a living room, which is quite big and connected to the kitchen, a bedroom and a bath. But I am very lucky, because I have a small balcony, from which I can watch the stars at night. But I usually only do that when I can't sleep.

So, when I enter my apartment, I let my eyes wander over the manageable mess, I put some clothes back in the closet and the dishes in the washing machine. The place almost looks decent, when I hear the doorbell.

As I open the door, I'm nervous for some reason. I let him in and turn to my office drawers, looking for the document.

"Nice place. You live here alone?" His fingers trace my bookshelf, I see him reading the titles.

"No, my wife is still at work." When I look at him dead serious, I see him laugh in surprise.

"So, you do have humor. I thought, you were one of those exceptions that wouldn't be able to do that." He means it as a joke, but something in my chest hurts.

When I reply with a monotonous voice, I see his eyebrows pull together. "I live here alone. That's what you wanted to hear?" I'm getting more frustrated again with every second he's around me.

"No- I didnt mean it that way. I'm sorry. My intentions were good, I promise." When I look at him for a moment, I see his honest expression.

It would be so easier for me to hate him, if I didnt know, he was a good human. Well, most of the time.

We are silent for a moment, but when I hear his footsteps, I tense up.

"What are you doing?" He's now standing right next to me.

"Helping you. You seem a little, tense?" I glare at him for a moment and he raises his hands in defense.

"Just pointed out the obvious. But dont worry. You still look lovely." I stop in my movements at his words.

"Thats such shock for you?" His voice shows surprise and a certain curiosity.

"Only that you say it." I look into his eyes.

"Well, you may think I'm dumb, but I'm not blind."

He just called me beautiful, sort of. It´s confusing me.

When I finally find the documents, I hold my hand out to him.

"I don´t think you are dumb. I think you're annoying. And a show-off. I don´t like that." His eyes follow me.

"What do you like then?" His question surprises me. He slowly takes the documents out of my hand, his finger gently brushing mine.

"I don´t think that is any of your business." I try to clear my voice. His touch makes me shiver.

"Come on, tell me. Would that be so bad?" His whole presence is making me nervous and I feel my hands start to shake.

At work, I can always hide behind a mask, pretend that nothing he does affects me. I can act like I truly hate him, even though I catch myself looking at him, from time to time. Especially when he shows off his intelligence without realizing it, impresses his clients and -I would never admit it- me too. It's a certain charm about him, the way he always knows how to answer, while being mischievous and clever about it.

But now, that he's in my apartment and so close to me, it's suddenly different. And I don't know how to react to him being nice.

"I look for someone who isnt afraid of commitment. Someone who is honest and kind, but who also challenges me. I want to feel safe, so I can put my trust not only in myself."

He nods and is quiet for a moment, I begin to feel stupid for telling him all of that, when he responds.

"I get that. Someone whose shoulder you can lean on when things get too much. Someone who meets your needs, who wants to be in your life. For longer than a one-night stand." He smiles at me and I see for the first time, why I possibly could like him.

"Also, statistics show higher rates of being robbed or kidnapped, when you have one-night stands." This remark almost makes me laugh, even though it's frightening.

"Well, who would even notice, if I would disappear? Probably only my clients, because they need me." I lower my head, being completely honest with him for the first time.

"I would notice."

When I look at him, he takes a step towards me. His fingers gently slide over my shoulder and brush my hair aside, the touch makes a warm feeling bloom in my chest.

"I couldn't annoy you anymore. My life would be pretty boring without you. And it's not so bad to be able to look at such a pretty face every day, even if it always looks at me annoyed, like all the time." I quietly laugh at that, feeling surprisingly good because of his compliment.

We look at each other, now being really close. My eyes travel to his lips and I don´t even know how it happens, but suddenly he is all over me. His lips on mine, his hands on my waist, lifting me up to sit me on the desk. I moan softly when his hands tangle in my hair and he pushes himself closer to me, so that he's standing between my legs. One of his hands gently wraps around my neck and I feel my loud pulse.

My hands move too, stroking his back and holding him closer to me by his tie. As he pulls his lips away from me, he lifts my chin with his finger. Now, looking down at me with widen pupils. I hold his eye contact, forgetting all about my issues with him, when he speaks to me with a deep voice (which I suddenly don´t think sounds irritating anymore).

"Be angry at me tomorrow and mine for tonight. I bet, all your frustration from work and your thin nerves can catch a break, what do you say?"

Not much. Because I pull him towards me by his tie and kiss him again. I don't want to stop at all anymore. He returns the kiss with the same enthusiasm and his hands find their way to my waist again to lift me up again. When he crosses the living room with quick steps and lays me down on the sofa, I already feel out of breath and clearly turned on.

His kisses become more intense, his lips move from my mouth to my neck, leaving marks there. But it feels too good to make him stop.

"I will gladly hear your excuses, when someone asks you about your hickeys tomorrow. Because you will be all flustered, when you think again about this moment. Where you are ready to be fucked by your colleague, who you despise so much." I whimper as he pushes up my dress and his hands pull my tights down to my knees. The cold air hits my skin, but I don't really notice it, because his lips are on my neck again and his fingers connect first with my stomach and then further down. I hold my breath as his lips touch my ear and his fingers stroke my folds.

"So wet for me. Didnt think, I would turn you on this much." I kiss him to shut him up.

"You are-" I moan, when he finally puts a finger in me. "-so annoying." He laughs at me.

"Am I? But you seem to like it." I feel myself getting wetter, his fingers feel so good as they move gently but firmly inside me. One of his hands moves to push my dress further up and somehow, he manages to pull it over my head. Now, I'm lying in front of him in just a bra, his hands slowly find their way over my body and to my back, which I lift slightly so that he can open the clasp.

When I lie naked in front of him and he massages my breasts, his lips touch mine and his fingers stimulate me, I feel like I'm in heaven.

He breaks apart, so he can look at me and I draw my eyebrows together, when his fingers increase in speed. My mouth opens and the sounds that escape me echo in the apartment.

"I'm- god, I think I am going to come-" at that he starts to tease me, going slower but a lot deeper. My eyes almost roll back as he hits a certain spot inside me.

"That feels good? What do you say, when you want something?" You stupid idiot.

"You stupid-" I begin to say as his lips graze my nipple and his finger scissor and stretch me out further.

"One word, darling. Say it." And because I feel this knot inside me (and maybe this side of him turns me on, like a lot), I finally open my mouth to please him.

"Please, Mike. I-I need to-" My sentence is cut off as his fingers speed up and I moan loudly.

"Thats a good girl, you can be so good to me, if I make you." His lips search mine as I finally come. My breathing is heavy and when I come down from my high and look at his face, I see the satisfied expression.

"You are done-" I can't maintain my strict facial expression and suddenly have to start smiling. His eyes widen in surprise and I raise my eyebrows, still smiling softly.

"What?" I quietly laugh at his expression.

"Nothing, its just- I have never seen you smiling so happy." I roll my eyes gently. As I look at him closer now, I see the bulge in his pants and the loosened tie. As I lean forward, his eyes shift to my body.

"You still are fully clothed. A bit unfair, don't you think?" I watch him swallow and my hands move to his chest to slowly unbutton his shirt. As I also remove the tie and slip the shirt from his shoulders, I sit myself on his lap. Rocking my hips forward and seeing his eyes close. His hands move to my hips and begin to control the movements, my eyes close too and my head leans into the crook of his neck as the movements become faster.

Sighs and heavy breaths leave his lips and once again, one of his hands moves to grab my breasts, lightly grazing the nipples.

I look at him, noticing his swollen lips and his flushed cheeks. His hair is a mess and his forehead is furrowed, but he tries his best to pull himself together.

I groan as I look at him and suddenly think back to todays afternoon, when he was on a phone call and I heard how he listed one reciting fact after another, without any difficulty.

"What are you thinking about?" His voice pulls me out of my thoughts.

"N-nothing" I'm definitely too embarrassed to admit how much his intelligence and the way he seems to know everything, turns me on.

One of his hands moves to my entrance and teases me by just circling around it. When I try to push myself down, he pulls his fingers away.

"You tell me, whats going on in that pretty head of yours and you'll get me." My body feels so hot, I can't think properly anymore.

"You where on a phone call today and you just- you listed without any effort every single point that will help you win the case. You just said it like- it's nothing."

When his fingers dig into me again, I bite my lips. I try to control my moans and not pay attention to the fact, that I just gave him every opportunity to make him be more complacent than his usual self.

His fingers pump into me and I feel slightly overstimulated. But I wouldnt want to stop now.

"You get off by the thought of me, saying memorized facts? Who would have thought that my intelligence would turn you on so much." God, his ego probably doesn't fit in this apartment anymore.

"Don't think too highly of yourself, you still annoy me." Now I'm really just trying to get myself out of the situation. I lean towards him, so he can't say anything anymore and pull on his blonde hair to distract him.

Moans escape my lips and when I notice that his noises are also getting louder, I pull away from him. He looks at me confused.

"I want you inside me." Thats all I say, but he quickly complies with my request. I slide off his lap and wait for him to take off his pants and boxers until he's finally on top of me again. His fingers find my bottom lip and while maintaining eye contact, I open my mouth so he can insert a finger. My tongue brushes against his and after a few moments of him pressing on my tongue, he lets his fingers move back to the spot that needs him the most.

He stretches me for a few minutes until he finally guides his cock to my hole and slowly penetrates me. My eyes close and I hear his breath in my ear as he pushes further.

"You are so tight- good thing finally someone fucks you." I nod without thinking and hear his laughter in my ear.

"You think so too, huh. Would you let anyone fuck you then?" My stomach tenses, I feel the pleasure growing again and every movement of him. This feels so good-

I try to shake my head, but I'm too lost in the sensations to pay much attention to his words.

"No? But I thought, you hate me. Why would you let me fuck you, if you don´t even like me?" His thrusts become faster and more uncontrolled, I feel him getting closer to his own high.

"I-" I try to stutter "d-don´t hate you." I feel myself getting closer and reach into his hair, pulling at the roots and feeling his lips on my shoulder. His thrusts become more powerful and as he moves his hand and massages my clitoris, suddenly everything goes white in front of my eyes and I come.

I feel every inch inside of me, feel his fingers brush over the visible bulge in my stomach and think to myself: god I feel so full

When he comes too, I moan so loudly that it's impossible that my neighbors didn't hear me. His hand finds its way around my chin, he slides a finger into my mouth and I feel my vagina tighten because of it.

He hisses and his thrusts slow down until he finally pulls out of me, trying not to fall on top of me. As I give him some space next to me, he falls halfway on me, but pulls me on top of him in the next second and I can hear his strong heartbeat. With his outstretched hand he pulls the blanket over me, that had fallen to the floor.

We both try to catch our breath and as the minutes pass, only the wind outside is heard. He is the first to break the silence.

"So, you don't hate me?" I lift my head from his naked chest to look at him.

"Only sometimes." He shakes his head and smiles, gently stroking my back.

The evening went by quickly, we ordered a pizza and ate it (clothed) on the terrace. We were going over his documents for tomorrow, I blushed at the thought that this was the real reason he came here, but he just hugged me from behind after we finished and continued watching the stars.

It's not really clear what this evening means for us, but I don´t want to get into that, not yet. Because I'm not sure what it means anyway.

Because now, I have to get used to the fact that his voice no longer irritates me, that his jokes no longer annoy me and that he as a person, is actually not as bad as I imagined.

"Who thought, I was the one to get you relax."

But he is still a show-off.

#suits tv #mike ross #netflix #tv shows #x reader #fictional characters #smut #enemies to lovers #hate fuck

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itzalizeyyy · 11 months

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hii, its alizey here! In this blog, I have copied and pasted common questions and amazing great answers and explanations to those questions. I will credit every single answer to the right blogger. I strongly recommend to go check them out.

This is meant to decrease the frequent common questions being asked. If your question hasn’t been answered here, I am still trying to add more when I can but you can always ask me or other great non-dualism bloggers.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Q&A

“Hey so lets say i become aware of sth i dislike. That doesn’t mean it exists if i don’t want it to? I can simply switch my awareness to being aware that it doesn’t exist?”

“consciousness doesnt dislike it, its ego that has opinions and dislikes things. if u i observe/become aware of it, it exists but it will never be real bc nothing is ever real. it “existing” is just you being aware of it its nothing serious. but yeah being aware of something else and not the thing that ego dislikes makes it not exist anymore” - @msperfect777

“What if I want to be an actor and then be in a relationship with a celebrity? I'm new in the non-dualism so idk too much.”

“imagine it. if u dont understand then read my non dualism series on my pinned post bc thats what its there for” - Msperfect777

“I have a df, and I'm confused bc in loa they tell you that you alr have it in the 4d and wait until it is reflected in the 3d, but in non dualism it's different, and it is difficult for me to understand, what if I imagine it but never look the way I want?”

“bc u think u are human and u think there is a separation of “4d” and “3d”. non dualism = there is no separation bc everything is consciousness (ur true self). ego is making it seem harder than it is bc its so used to “reflections” and “manifestation” and separations. read my non dualism series on my pinned post.” - msperfect777

“how did you learn about non dualism and why? are there any good sources to read when you start?”

“@infinite.ko on instagram is where my journey started. shes so helpful so go check her out. “ - Msperfect777

“How can I use non dualism to become aware of my dream life?”

“non dualism is just a concept. be aware of ur dream life the same way u are aware of these words. but in imagination. bc as u know everything is imagination.” - Msperfect777

“Ok so if I’m getting this correctly, I am consciousness which = imagination so I don’t need to do anything bc I’m aware that imagination is the only consciousness I feel like ghe way i typed it out doesn’t make sense but basically only imagination matters, not sure if I’m getting “

“EVERYTHING is imagination. imagining a phone and the phone “you” have in “your” hand rn in the “physical” are not different. the illusion is that they SEEM different bc one SEEMS more realer than the other. yes theres nothing to do bc u are always aware as awareness / consciousness.” - msperfect777

“why does the "physical reality" feel so much realer than when fulfilling something in our imagination if it's all the same? how do i become of aware the things in my imagination to feel as real as what my ego or human body is experiencing?”

“1) its an illusion. ego is programmed to think that “physical world” is more realer than imagination

2) how to become aware? ur aware of these words rn. the second part seems to me that u think u are a human and u want something to “reflect” from imagination to the “physical” … u havent understood non dualism yet

3) theres no “feeling”… feeling is unreal. everything is a dream, an illusion” - Msperfect777

“I have this mentality that I’m not everyone cause I feel worthless and not speical I can’t really accept that I’m god . Any advice ?”

“thats the ego‼️‼️ you “feel” worthless and “cant accept” your true self bc youre stuck identifying with the human/body/mind = false self. SNAP OUT OF IT. heres an example that i heard somewhere i forgot where: when you watch a movie, you know it is a movie bc you are outside of it. you are observing it. now what about the characters in the movie? they dont know its a movie bc they are not outside of it. they think they are just regular ppl and they dont see the truth, their true selfs: which is just characters in a movie. what about water? water doesnt know its water bc its not on the outside, in order to observe/become aware that it is water. tell me why we can see or be aware of the body? why can we be aware of thoughts and feelings? bc we are “outside” of it. thats not who we really are. we are consciousness which is only aware of the body/ego. its not who we really are. we are not the body; we are not human; we are awareness/consciousness/the observer. we only observe these feelings/body/ego. so why take them seriously? now that you know that the ego is false and the body is false and that your true identity is only the observer, choose to stop identifying and agreeing with your thoughts and ego. they arent real. silently observe those thoughts and feelings come and go bc as the observer, observing is your nature. theres no need to fight with these unreal, imaginary things right? know your true self and observe. “ -msperfect777

“i am everything, right? so if i want to be in a TV show being a specific character, i already am and i just have to be aware of it? but how could i be aware of something i want if i don't know how it is having/being that thing?”

“sounds like ego is over complicating it… u are aware of these words right now. do u have to “know how its like” observing these words to be aware of them? no bc being aware and observing is natural, thats ur true identity. imagine it and it exists instantly. any other thoughts or beliefs are unreal, illusionary ego.” - msperfect777

“i have dream last night and want to know what you think. about dreams!”

“dreams r unreal. an illusion just like the “waking” “physical” world.” - msperfect 777

“If i am aware of some desire i want in my human being. It will instantly show physically. But what if i don’t see it physically?”

“what is “physical”? for you do identify something as “physical” and worry about some reflection means you see duality and separation where there is none. everything is imagination. you want to see it “physically”? imagine it and it exists instantly. you are limiting yourself to this unreal “physical” world when everything is imagination either way. you havent fully understood non dualism yet.” - msperfect777

“I am a little confused. so like everything is consciousness right, so I am everything and everything is me. so is my human self also me? like when I say “I am happy” does it refer to the human self or my true self?”

“everything is a form of consciousness. the human false self is also a form of consciousness. let me break this down: everything is you but you are not everything. everything is you bc everything is a form of consciousness bc nothing can exists without you being aware of it first. so a cat is a form of consciousness. a cat is you. but you (consciousness) is not the cat. your true self is consciousness and you cannot be a form of consciousness bc consciousness itself is the only real thing. thats why forms of consciousness arent real and only exist when you become aware of them. consciousness = limitless bc you can be / imagine anything. forms of consciousness arent limitless bc they are just forms of you. they cant be limitless bc they are only illusion and therefore unreal. and yes everything is consciousness bc its all you. just wanted to clear that up hopefully its not too confusing. a form of consciousness is unreal while consciousness itself is all it can ever be. yet everything is consciousness (non duality). if thats too confusing to understand, its fine bc either way everything is consciousness. i just wanted to use ur question to mention that. the human self is a form of consciousness but it isnt your true identity (consciousness) bc it is only a form of consciousness. consciousness is naturally “happy” and naturally “peace” so i would say that when ego/human says “i am happy” that it refers to the human ego, not the real you.” -msperfect777

so if i already am immortal, could i never become old (appearance)? and i will literally never die? i have fear of even "manifesting" not physically aging and being immortal, I actually end up aging and dying. it's like so ???? yk idk how to explain

“you are worried about being the human body which you are not. consciousness does not get old. consciousness never dies. consciousness = ur true identity. having that fear is the ego. the ego isnt real and feelings arent real. the body ends up aging and dying which is ur false self… consciousness (ur true self) doesnt. again you are already limitless so if u want the body to not age, imagine it and its done.” -msperfect77

“Giving myself burger in my imagination doesn’t satisfy my hunger in 3D How is that the same? Like seriously not meaning to be rude but doesn’t make sense.”

“thats an illusion. ask yourself who thinks they are still hungry? the answer wouldnt even matter bc this is all not real. you are consciousness that is playing the role of a human being and for the body, it is natural that it eats like its natural for consciousness to be aware. it seems not the same bc ego takes “not satisfying hunger in the physical world” as an excuse for the “physical” being the “real reality” and therefore it thinks imagination and “physical world” are separate, even tho the body is only consciousness bc nothing can exist without u being aware of it first. and since consciousness = imagination, everything = imagination. including the body and the body still being hungry. its all illusion😍. ego just thinks the two situations “feel” different even tho it all exists within consciousness therefore only being consciousness. hope that makes sense. “ - Msperfect777

“perfect , i have a question. all the teachers and blogs say we are human beings, designed to live a human life. let's say I want to manifest being immortal, or for example a vampire, or even a literal goddess. it's possible? with all these lectures saying that we are designed to live a human life, i had this doubt”

“you are already immortal bc consciousness never died bc consciousness was never born. “dying” is an unreal concept for ego and ppl who sadly dont know theyre true selves. you want to be a vampire? imagine it. literally you are every experience ego has had. everything is consciousness = you are already “your” phone. these words are forms of you. the human body is a form of consciousness. the beach and the rain and a chocolate cake and the side walk are forms of you. since you are so limitless that you can take all those infinite forms, why not be a vampire or a goddess. you are infinite limitlessness. dont doubt that. and ppl saying you are designed to life a human life are limited. we take on the role of humans at first but you literally make the rules in your own game. be whatever you want. no one and nothing can stop you💀. dont listen to a teacher/blogger that makes you feel limited. you are meant to do whatever you want, play whatever game you want in whatever form. do it bc you can and thats the point of life. “ -msperfect777

“Not trying to be rude but , you as human not real so why do you eat? Why do you drink? Why do you care about your life since everything is not real?”

“1) i am consciousness disguised as a human being. human bodies have natural things like breathing, blinking, eating etc. those are natural for the human just like it is natural for consciousness to be the observer.

2) non dualism implies nothing is real and this is all an illusion so all this is a game that i get to shape. i can imagine anything and there it is instantly. i can remove and add things right away. the point to enjoy this illusion and have fun and realize that pain and suffering isnt real. since i play the role of a human being, “i” choose to keep the body going by breathing and eating bc those are natural for the body. and i will enjoy the game that is a projection of me (consciousness) which i can shape instantly.” Msperfect777

“This is a lot to take in lol. I’m rereading your series over and over again, but my question is how does it all relate back to loa and manifesting?”

“it has nothing to do with manifesting n loa. thats where ppl get confused im assuming bc loa ppl made it a “trend” so ppl think it has to do with manifesting. non dualism has to do with all of “life”. the point it so notice that “suffering” isnt real. that nothing is real and once you understand it, you will realize all this is just a game and everything is peace. understanding non dualism = everything is you. since everything is you, what is there to “manifest”? non dualism haters say that non dualism stems from loa when non dualism is an ancient concept while loa was known during the 1900s…. loa is like an ant compared to the whole earth when it comes to non dualism. if you try to mix them together, it wont make sense which is what happened in the past when non dualism was a “trend” in the loa community.” -msperfect777

“I know that I have my desired appearance but when I look in the mirror I see other appearance so what can I do?”

“You haven't grasped that the "physical" reality is not real and are waiting for something to materialize! You know you have it in imagination so there's no need to continue to look in the mirror and go "I don't see it yet. Cause at the end of the day it's your ego that "doesn't see it yet" and you are not the ego.” @iamthat-iam

“Hi, I (my ego or whatever) haven't fully understood non-dualism yet. so I want to continue with the law of assumption, self-concept, states, affirm and persist, I know that I am not trying to do this to change something, but that it is already like that, I do not affirm to obtain like when we think that something is going to happen and we affirm it but not for it to happen but because it will happen, thus understanding the manifestation, not to obtain it but because it is already mine and to change my concept of myself but now I feel that this does not work or is not real for not understanding non-dualism. I know that non-dualism is not loa pero igual me confunde todo.”

“Hey, it's totally fine if you don't understand non dualism yet! And it sounds like you understand law of assumption, not doing techniques to get things but understanding you already have it. If non dualism is making you confused, I would stop reading posts about it (and maybe law of assumption posts too) and just focus on having your desires already. “ -iamthat-iam

“What is the truth ? Is truth subjective and personal or objective? Am I the one who determines the truth and am I the one who controls the truth? Do ı have to listen to what teachers, masters, gurus, coaches tell Is it possible that I don't want to accept the teachings of teachers, masters, gurus and coaches as true and real and real? I don't accept the teachings of teachers, masters, gurus, coaches, etc. as true and real, can I do that? How do I recognize, accept and realize that I am the one true God? What do you mean by no desire? “

“Hi, so there is only one "objective truth", that being you decide what is true or not. All other "truths" are subjective. You are consciousness and consciousness is the only reality. People who believe in karma will experience karma, those who don't, will not. The people who do experience karma are consciousness of it existing. You don't have to accept what any teachers or gurus say, because you are the one who decides what the truth is. Accepting your true nature as God means to dis identify with your body, your mind and your ego (human identity) As God, consciousness, awareness, you already are everything, you are always fulfilled, complete and whole, therefore there's nothing to desire, all desires come from ego and the illusion of seperation. “-iamthat-iam

“Hiiii queen I’ve been reading your posts for the last two days and I get everything except the part where how can I change the experience of my human self? I get it that it’s all an Illusion but how do I change it”

“Hiii! The statement "it's an illusion" answers your own question! What experience is there to change, if it's not real to begin with? Anything about your ego's life that you wanted to change, has already happened and already exists within consciousness. You're not lacking anything! “ -iamthat-iam

“i feel like this is redundant but do you have any tips for accepting consciousness as reality? or is it just something that comes to you”

“When you daydream, sometimes you get so lost that when you "snap back" to "reality" you're like woah, I completely forgot where I was!”

“That's because the physical reality isn't real, it comes and goes, and it disappeared when you were daydreaming. In that moment that daydream was your reality because you were conscious of it. Test it out, get really lost in a daydream, and then notice how your awareness of the "physical" slowly fades. “ -iamthat-iam

“So all I have to do is imagine my desire and BAM I just experienced it? Since imagination is the only reality ... Imagine it and knowing that it really happened at the very moment when I imagined it and just go on my day without worrying or anything because that particular thing already happened , what wanted already is there THAT'S IT??”

Yes!! That's literally it! I think people aren't grasping how simple this is! Imagine once and it's DONE” -iamthat-iam

“I still feel unsure on nondualism. It’s just that I’ve been part of loa for so long. And I see so many success stories. But once I went through the nondualism posts, I see no success stories whatsoever. It’s just the same thing “OMG I UNDERSTAND NOW!” “I feel so calm” but never anything related to applying it for something they previously wanted. I get it’s not to “get” something, but I guess it’s just me still wanting proof or something.”

“You're going to see a lot of loa success stories because it is a results based practice, you go into it to achieve something so it's exciting when it shows up "physically!" In Non Dualism, the goal is to stop identifying with ego and realize that who you are is God, consciousness, awareness, etc. You see there's no seperation between you and anything so that means everything you once "desired" is already who you are. You never feel the sense of desire again because of this. So when the anons say they understand now and feel at peace, that is the success story. Any "physical materialization" that happens after will not seem like such a big deal, since it was already who they were to begin with. It's a life changing experience, maybe they are enjoying their newfound freedom and not going on social media as much to share "materialization" success stories, maybe they are just private, who knows. At the end of the day, it's something you are going to have try for yourself. The worst that could happen is not seeing your desires "physically" which is where you may or may not be at already! It's completely up to you 😊” -iamthat-iam

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

LAST THOUGHTS

Now looking back at this, the AMOUNT of questions regarding the physical/manifestation is unreal. I am not saying again that it wrong to ask questions of course not !! I do it myself. It just that these questions already been answered by many bloggers. so please guys do your research, read as many blogs, and if it still doesn’t click, then that is when its reasonable to ask. But i feel like many aren’t putting in their part to learn, and just expect to have someone educate/inform them, when there are many MANY resources where you can get informed yourself. So please take your time to grasp it before asking. I rarely ask questions like maybe once or twice but that is because there are so many great blogs that have answered my questions perfectly. I am not saying you have to learn fast but reminding you to take advantage of the amazing resources out there!

Check this out to better understand:

Shoutout to @lains-reality for this wonderful blog !!

I also want this to be shared more!!!:

“Just to add. Usually when we daydream, we are in a state of hopelessly wishing we were that person in the daydream. We are fully immersed in it, while thinking we are the person daydreaming and not the person in the daydream. The simple fact that we call it a "daydream" is a statement that we believe that which we are experiencing in that moment, is but a mere fantasy. So yeah, you can daydream for years, and as long as it's still a daydream, it will remain a daydream... until you dare to identify as the person in the daydream and let go of the daydreamer who can only wish that were them.”

Shoutout to @napolonio for this wonderful input!!!

That is all i got for today. I will continue adding more Q&A by different bloggers when I can ! And as always, Happy non-dualing !

#non dualism #nondualism #non duality #nonduality #conciousness #observer

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crysicicleskoriart · 3 months

Text

Shaking this image in front of you like jangling keys

So uhh, now that the big image got your attention

I did it, heres your (un)official template

Heres the link, tell me if it doesn't work, idk how dropbox works

Also some basic ass instructions cause i cant quite remember how i did it

If you feel like just winging it, heres the front and back of the full model, if you want to figure it out

Heres my basic recommendations

Don't just use one glue - I used glue stick for sticking the paper to the card, regular PVA/craft glue for sticking the cardboard to itself and hot glue for sticking the legs and head on. but if you can figure out how to do it without hot glue, more power to ya.

Use a sharp craft knife - it is possible to use scissors for the whole thing, but i find it makes it a lot harder to cut out small pieces and it crushes the edges of the cardboard.

Tools are good - Use clips to hold things together as they dry or place the pieces under a book. Cotton buds also work great for applying small amounts of glue easily if you don't have anything else.

Different card types and papers, the cardboard i used was approx 1mm thick, then layered as needed, but you shouldn't need more than 2 layers.

Weird Extra things - Putting tiny pieces of wire in to hold stuff on, its most likely not necessary for shadow milk due to his collar and hair helping to keep his head on.

Alright. I think thats all, feel free to send and ask if you have anymore questions

Have fun, take your time and good luck making your own jester.

#cookie run #cookie run kingdom #papercraft #shadow milk cookie

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daisysliv · 2 years

Text

i got you | steve harrington

word count: 3952

pairing: steve harrington x fem!reader

summary: instead of max being cursed by vecna, it's you

warnings: light swearing, angst, mentions of suicide, fluff if you squint

notes: recently got into stranger things and steve harrington is quickly taking over my very being, plus i finished s4 a few days ago and needed to write this!! hope you like! not edited so all errors are my own

📼 cant take my eyes off you 📼

library

stranger things bookshelf

You’re just too good to be true

Can't take my eyes off of you

“This is for you,” I handed a brown envelope to my best friend, his name scribbled on the front in my normal chicken scratch. He looked at me, confusion written into his features but I ignored it and looked away. Pulling my bottom lip between my teeth, I passed another envelope to Max, Dustin, and then Lucas, each of them taking it from my hand hesitantly, the same confusion written in their features as Steve. “Oh, and these are for Robin, Will, El, and Mike so if you could… give it to them if you can ever contact them again.”

I handed four more envelopes off to Steve, who pulled them from my hand slowly. “What is this?” His eyes softened as he stared at me.

“It's um…” I hesitated to tell them but knew that I needed to. They would find out anyway soon so there was no harm in me telling them. “a fail-safe. For after. Just in case they… things don't work out.”

As much as I trusted Nancy and Robin, this plan of theirs was faulty. There was a higher chance of it not working than it actually working so I held no high hopes. If they found a way to save me from Vecna then great! But if not then I had letters full of all the things I needed to say but wouldn't be able to. I wanted to believe it would go off without a hitch but when has anything worked out in my favor? Almost never.

There was a small part of me that held high hopes but I didn't let it show. I couldn't let it show.

Steve stood from the couch and rounded the coffee table, never taking his eyes off of me. “It's gonna work.” He says so softly that I could feel my heart crack in my chest and I have to force back my tears. “It will work.” He sounded like he was convincing himself more than me.

I only nodded, knowing that if I spoke I wouldn't be able to hold in my sobs anymore and I refused to let him or the kids see me cry. Mainly the kids. I didn't need to alert them of how terrified I actually was of dying. They didn't need to know that every bone and cell in my body trembled with fear with every passing second.

“I wanna visit my mom and I need you to drive.” I turn to grab my bag, shoving the letter for my mom into it and sling it over my shoulder. Steve looks like he wants to protest but decides against it and pulls his keys out of his jacket pocket.

Without waiting, I rush outside and feverishly wipe at my face to get rid of the tears that forced their way out. I was leaning against Steve’s car, waiting patiently for them to come out when I heard the sounds of a clock chiming in the distance.

No.

Slowly turning my head, I could see the grandfather clock near the fence, its hands getting closer and closer to the twelve. I was running out of time and it was becoming increasingly more obvious.

God, I hope Robin and Nancy were making headway and knew how to save me. Dying at nineteen is not what I had planned. I had so many things I wanted to do and places I wanted to see but if I died tonight, I wouldn't get that chance. I wasn't okay with that and I was not okay with Vecna taking that away from me.

Turning my attention away from the clock, I met eyes with a frowning Steve. He didn't want to do this, I could tell, he just wanted to keep me inside and safe but that was the thing… nowhere was safe. Not outside or inside.

“Where are the kids?” I asked when I noticed that they weren't climbing into the backseat, fighting over who had to sit in the middle.

“Far from you.” He sneered, his words cutting through me like ice. “You honestly believe I’d let them near you after everything? Being near you would kill them.”

I stumbled back, staring at him in shock, his eyes dark and cold. This wasn't happening. He wouldn't say that to me ever. Especially today.

“What are you–? Steve, what are you talking about?”

“Don't you get it yet? Everything that had happened– everyone that has died or left, was all because of you. You make everyone around you miserable.” I shook my head, not believing anything that was being said. “Why do you think your mom killed herself and your dad left? It’s because they couldn't stand you.”

My heart dropped. This wasn't Steve… no, he would never say that. He wouldn't…

Steve has never done anything to hurt me on purpose and he wouldn't start now. “This isn't Steve.” I mumbled, squeezing my eyes shut and willing myself to wake up from this vision.

I felt hands squeeze my shoulders and pushed back causing me to lose balance and fall against Steve’s car. “Your time is out, Y/N.”

“No! No!” I shouted and pulled my legs up to my chest, my hands covering my ears.

“Y/N!” I snapped my eyes open to find Steve– my Steve staring back at me, his eyes wide with panic. “You're okay, you're okay,” He repeated when he noticed my frazzled state, helping me up from where I was sitting on the ground and pulling me into his chest.

You’d be like Heaven to touch

I wanna hold you so much

At long last love has arrived

And I thank God I'm alive

We arrived at the cemetery where my mother was buried just on the outskirts of town and I was quick to exit the car. I made it a few feet from the car when I heard Steve calling my name.

“Steve, please, just wait in the car.”

“Just wait. Y/N, please.” He pleads with me and takes a couple steps until he is standing right in front of me. “Just listen to me, please.” I don't say anything and he takes it as a sign to speak. “I know something happened back at the Wheeler's before we left. Was it Vecna?”

“No, I'm… I'm fine, Steve. I mean, as fine as someone who's about to die can be, at least.” I fiddled with the strap of my bag, looking down at the ground for a moment.

I couldn't handle him staring at me with those big eyes full of terror and confusion and hurt. I could handle a lot of things but seeing the way he looked at me wasn't something I could do today. If I somehow didn't die then maybe I could look him in the eyes again.

“You know you can talk to me. Right?” He asks softly.

“I know.”

“Then why… Why are you pushing me away? Especially today when all I want is to be near you and make sure you're safe.” He pulls his letter out from his back pocket. “Look, I don't need a letter. I don't want a letter. I just want my best friend to talk to me. I'm right here so please, just talk to me.”

I bite my bottom lip, not knowing what to say to him. What could I possibly say to make everything seem like it's okay? There was nothing because nothing was okay. Everything was a mess and my best friend was begging me to talk to him but I couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to. I couldn't tell him everything if I was just gonna die in the next few hours, it wouldn't be fair to him. To me.

“If Robin and Nance find a way to save me then I’ll tell you everything I wrote in that letter and more, okay? Just, for now, wait in the car. I won't be long.”

You're just too good to be true

Can't take my eyes off you

Pardon the way I stare

There's nothing else to compare

I sat cross legged in front of the headstone that read my mother’s name and pulled the letter I wrote her out of my pocket. I slowly opened the envelope and pulled out the single sheet of paper that said everything I needed to say. Gently unfolding the paper, I spoke, “Hey, mom. I'm sorry it's been a while, things here… they've been crazy. But uh, I don't know, I guess I wanted to stop by and tell you how much I miss you. Because I do, like, a lot. Every day I think of you and wonder what my life would look like if you didn't die so soon.” I smiled sadly and adjusted my position so I sat on my knees. It wasn't the most comfortable but my feet were beginning to fall asleep.

Taking a deep breath, I looked down at the paper and began reciting my words. “I often wonder how my life would've turned out if you had stayed with me a little longer. I imagine that we would've left Hawkins and you would've gotten that job you always wanted and met someone who could make you happy– happier than what you were. I liked to think that everything would be better but the truth is… I'm right where I'm supposed to be. I miss you like crazy and life hasn't been easy without you but I have the best friends I could ask for, even if most of them are children.” I pause to wipe away my tears. “I have Steve, Dustin, Max, Lucas, Will, Mike, Robin, Nancy, and El by my side, though El and Will live in California now, they're still two of my favorite people. I think you’d like El, she's a lot like you, Mom. Always finding a way to make the people around her happy like you did. She's just… she's the little sister I never got. Anyways… Granny is still as crazy as ever but misses you so much. She comes whenever she can but it's getting harder for her to move around. I think… I think she'll be joining you wherever you are soon, which hurts to think about but she's ready. I know she is. Pop is… gone. He left a while ago and we haven't heard from him. Granny was heartbroken but she's doing better. Uh… I finished high school and I'm taking the year to figure out what I want to do like you always told me I could. Granny isn't happy about it but she understands. And…” I look around, taking another deep breath to steady myself.

It was always hard to visit my mom's grave knowing that I could've done something to save her. If I had just stayed home that night like she wanted me to instead of going to Steve’s, she would probably still be here.

“Some things are happening now and I'm really scared… like, really scared. I don't want to die, Mom. I don't want to leave these people but if I do, I hope I get to see you again. I love you, Mom, and I should’ve said it more and I'm sorry I didn't. And I'm sorry I didn't stay home that night like you wanted. I should've and I'm so fucking sorry. Love your daughter, Y/N.” I wiped under my eyes and sucked in a breath of air while I folded the letter and placed it back in the envelope. I moved to place it on the ground when the sky above me turned gray.

I looked around in terror and heard the familiar sound of a clock chiming and a terrifying laugh followed by the sound of my name. I turned towards the source and saw my mom walking towards me, her wrists dripping with blood. I stood from the ground and gulped in fear.

“You have no idea how long I've wanted to hear those words. But that's not true, is it, my sweet girl? You had a bad feeling all day and yet… you still left. Maybe you knew what I was going to do and didn't care enough. Maybe you wanted me gone.” She took a step closer and I backed away.

“Mom, that's not… that's not true.” I sobbed.

My blood was cold and my bones were trembling. She wasn't here. This is Vecna. This isn't… it isn't real.

“That's why you left the house that night. It's okay, you can admit it. There's no more need to hide the truth.” She continued, taking big strides forward while I continued to walk backwards trying to tell her it wasn't true.

I didn't want her to die. She was my favorite person on the planet but Steve and I had been planning a night out for so long that I left despite her begging me to stay. God, I should've stayed. I never should have left.

Why couldn't I be a good daughter and stay home? It was a simple request and I fought her on staying home. I left for the entire night and when I got home…she was lying in her bed with her wrists slit and a note on her bedside table. It wouldn't have happened if I just stayed.

Maybe it was my fault.

Maybe a part of me knew and wanted her gone but that wasn't…. That couldn't be it. There was no way I could have known, there were no warning signs but I was barely home that year so I couldn't have seen them even if I tried.

“You can tell me, sweet girl. You can tell me how much you wanted me gone…”

“No, it's not true, I swear.” I backed up in a tree and screwed my eyes shut. This wasn't real.

Wake up, Y/N… come on, wake up.

I felt my mom’s breath hit my cheek and let out a sob opening my eyes but instead of my mom being in front of me, it was blue eyes staring at me and a large charred hand reaching out to grab me. I ducked and ran.

There had to be a way out.

I saw a flicker of red and slowed to a walk. It was like a storm but there wasn't any rain, instead there were floating pieces of a house and I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

“What are you doing here?” A demonic voice asked, sending a shiver down my spine. I ignored it and kept walking but sped up my pace until I reached what looked like a burnt down forest with a few trees left standing and looked around.

I walked closer to the tree in front of me and let out a gut wrenching scream when I saw Chrissy Cunningham’s body trapped in a tree, her bones clearly broken and her mouth wide open in a scream. I fell back as I stumbled and found myself leaning back against another tree, looking up I saw a body in a similar position to Chrissy’s but this was a man. It was Fred Benson, a senior with Nancy who died yesterday.

“Do you like my collection? You'll be joining them very soon.”

Vecna.

I scrambled up onto my feet and took off in the other direction but a vine wrapped itself around my ankle pulling me back to the ground and dragging me until it threw me into a tree. A vine wrapped around my throat, choking me while I struggled to break free from the ones wrapped around my wrists.

A soft melody began to ring in my ears but I was too focused on Vecna’s approaching figure but the sound of Steve yelling my name made me tear my eyes away from the demon in front of me. I watched as hole opened up in the red sky and saw my friends crouching next to my body, yelling at me to wake up.

“We’re right here! Y/N, come on!” I heard Steve shout, the melody that was ringing in my ears became increasingly louder and I recognized it to be my favorite song.

The sight of you leaves me weak

There are no words left to speak

“They can't help you, Y/N.” Vecna turned his head away from the opening and sneered, “there's a reason you hide from them.”

But if you feel what I feel

Please let me know that it's real

The vine tightened around my neck and I gasped for the air I desperately needed. “You belong here. With me.”

“You aren't here.” I rasped, tearing my eyes away from the opening I wanted to run to so badly. I didn't want to be here anymore. I wanted to be out there with my friends and tell Steve all the things I needed to say.

I needed to tell him that I have been desperately in love with him for as long as I could remember and I couldn't die before I got that chance. I wrote it all in the letter but I really didn't want him to find out when I'm dead.

“Oh, but, I am.” The vines tightened. “I am.” He reached his claw-like hands out to my face and I tried to lean back.

You're just too good to be true

Can't take my eyes off you

I could faintly hear my friends shouting my name, begging me to wake up and I felt more tears slip from my eyes. Vecna’s hand got closer to my face and I could see the opening between the space in his fingers, my body was floating and the others were trying to drag me back down but I was too far up.

The time to wake up was now.

I thought of the conversation I had with Steve before I went to my mom's grave. I thought of the way my heart broke when I saw his eyes lined with unshed tears and the terror he was hiding. I thought of the first day I met him when I was six and how big he smiled when I asked if he wanted to be my friend and share my snacks since he was sitting alone at recess with nothing. I thought of the middle school dance when I was all alone during a slow dance and he left his date to dance with me. It was the moment I knew I loved him and that I would for a lifetime.

I love you, baby

And if it's quite alright

I thought of when I first met the kids. They had been running from some people from Hawkin’s lab and came pounding on my front door begging me to let them in and I did. They were so grateful and kept coming around. It was annoying at first but then I realized I didn't mind it as much as I once did.

I need you, baby

To warm a lonely night

I thought of when I took Max and El out shopping when they were pissed at Mike and Lucas. She wasn't supposed to be out in public like that for her protection but I knew she would be safe and that she needed to get out of that cabin for a couple hours. She had her first sleepover that night and she was so happy.

I love you, baby

Trust me when I say

I thought of when I first met Robin. We got acquainted quickly considering we were trapped in a secret russian base trying to find out what they were planning. She quickly became one of my best friends.

Steve and I kept trying to help her find a girlfriend but it was proving to be hard but it was fun to annoy her with.

Oh, pretty baby

Don't bring me down I pray

I could feel the life slipping out of me but I needed to keep going. I had to keep going.

Steve crossed my thoughts again. This time it was a memory of when we had our first fight. It was something so stupid but I couldn't help but pick a fight over it because I was jealous. I was jealous of how much time he was spending with Nancy despite them dating.

Like I said, it was stupid.

We didn't talk for days after and it hurt. It hurt like hell not having him to talk to everyday even if it was for a little bit. A little bit I could handle but never? That was something I couldn't handle.

I closed my eyes tightly and let all my favorite memories of my friends flash through my head.

Hearing them shout my name through the opening again laced with more desperation than before gave me the strength I needed to rip at Vecna’s neck causing him to let me go as he stumbled back in pain with a shout. I fell to the ground and forced myself into my feet, running as quickly as I could. I didn't want to spend another second here.

The melody ringing in my ears picked up as I ran and dodged the falling bricks that were aimed at me. I nearly got hit a couple of times but I forced myself to continue running.

My knees started to burn but I couldn't stop. I was too close. I was almost out.

Oh, pretty baby, now that I found you, stay

Oh, pretty baby, trust in me when I say…

The closer I got, I could see Steve frantically reaching for me with tears streaming down his cheeks as he screamed my name, begging me to come back to him. My heart clenched and I ran faster than I ever had in my life.

Suddenly I felt myself falling and my ass hit the ground as arms wrapped themselves tightly around me. I breathe in the familiar scent of Steve’s cologne followed by the soothing sound of voice. “I got you. I got you, love.”

I let out a sob and held onto his forearm with my hands, gripping tightly like he was my lifeline. I felt the others put their hands on my legs, they were either laughing or crying or both but I didn't want to open my eyes, scared that I would be back in that place with Vecna.

“I got you,” Steve murmured once more and I felt his lips press against my head and I squeezed his arm tighter.

“We should get going. Robin and Nancy are meeting us back at the house.” Dustin spoke up, breaking the silence that fell upon our group. The hands that were on my legs left and I reluctantly opened my eyes just in time for Steve to slowly remove his arms from around me and start standing.

I stood slowly, brushing off the dirt from my pants and took a moment to collect myself.

“Let’s get outta here.” Steve grabbed my hand and let me lean against him as we walked back to the car with Can't Take My Eyes Off You still playing through my walkman and my eyes heavy with exhaustion. My muscles ached beyond belief but it was proof that I survived.

I may have survived Vecna today but I knew it was far from over.

part two

notes: if you would like to request something from the prompt list, you can find it here, just be sure to add the numbers, and if it’s angst or fluff! if you want to request something that is not on the list, go right ahead and send in the ask!

add yourself to my taglist!

PERMANENT TAGLIST ( if it's crossed out that means i couldn't tag you )

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talaok · 8 months

Note

JUST GOT MY FIRST TATTOO AND CANT STOP THINKING ABT PEDRO X WIFE! READER GETTING A MATCHING TATTOO OMGG

Pairing: Pedro pascal x reader

a/n: Omg thats so exciting!! and the idea is so freaking cute i swear i died when you sent it

"calm down sweetheart" Pedro stifled a laugh as he watched you get more and more pale.

"I'm calm"

He couldn't help but snort at that, briefly noticing the tattooer's mouth twitch into a smile before he could hide it.

You had never been a good liar.

"it's a small one, it'll be done before you know it"

"but it's still gonna hurt" you added, glancing panickly at him.

"just a little" he promised, taking your hand in his and raising it to leave a soft kiss on it "and if it hurts you just squeeze my hand, ok?"

You let out a shaky sigh before turning to the tattoo artist.

"Is he telling the truth?" you asked "Is it really not gonna hurt a lot?"

The guy smiled reassuringly at that

"he's telling the truth, the forearm is one of the least painful places to get a tattoo," he said "and it is a small one, so you should be fine"

You forced a smile at his words, before turning back to your husband.

"he said should" you murmured in a hushed tone the tatooer politely pretended not to be able to hear "He said I should be fine!"

"sugar" Pedro couldn't stop the chuckle fleeing his mouth "I promise you'll be fine" he said, softly moving some hair out of your face and lingering to stroke your face "I did it too, and look at me" he gestured to himself "I'm great"

"yeah but it's different, this is not your first tattoo"

his thumb slowly drew patterns on the back of your hand to try and calm you down.

"Sweetheart, if you've changed your mind and don't wanna do this anymore, it's totally fine"

"no-no I wanna do it" you replied immediately "really" you promised, looking into his big hazel eyes widened in worry "I'm just... scared"

You watched as a softer smile made its way to his lips.

"it's ok to be scared, sugar" he murmured, stroking your cheek "But I'm gonna be here for you the whole time, ok?"

You paused a moment, taking in his words

"ok" you finally nodded.

"ok" he smiled, leaning closer to leave a quick kiss on your lips.

"Can I start?" the tattooer asked after a moment, and looking into Pedro's eyes you found the courage to answer

"yes, you can start"

__ __ __

"done"

"already?"

"yup" The tattoo artist repeated

You opened your eyes for the first time in twenty minutes and found a smiling Pedro looking back at you.

"how do you feel?"

"I-" you stuttered, shocked by the words that were about to come out of your mouth "I feel fine"

"told you"

The tattoo artist was still cleaning his creation when your eyes fell to it, and you held your breath until, with one final wipe, he was finished.

"wow" you couldn't help but breathe, looking down at the P on your forearm with a heart around it,

It matched Pedro's one, except of course that the letter in his one was the first one of your name, and not his.

"you like it?" Pedro asked, rounding the chair to get a better look at the tattoo.

"I love it" you grinned from ear to ear "It's so cool"

"it really is" he agreed, smiling too "I've got the coolest wife in the world"

"And I the coolest husband" you beamed, giving him a soft kiss, before placing your head on his shoulder "let's see how they look next to each other"

Pedro immediately complied, positioning his left forearm next to your right.

"oh my god" you breathed, ready to cry "it's perfect" you whispered "Just so you know, you're not allowed to wear anything that covers it. Only t-shirts from now on, we clear?"

He looked at all the joy filling your eyes, at the way your lips stretched as you smiled incredibly wide, and his heart couldn't help but swell.

He lived to see that look on your face.

"crystal clear, baby"

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nikanono · 3 months

Text

I know I'm not active on here anymore, but I need a place to get this off my chest.

And Tumblr is where I found my creativity so I guess it fits

It has been so difficult to create anything as of recent. Ive lost so much confidence in what I do with so many shortcomings with my art. And I feel as if part of it is my fault- other parts its completely out of my hands.

Yes, Ai art and the industry tossing creatives aside hasnt been the most encouraging thing in the world. Its a good reason as to why i've been feeling not so great with creating things.

In 2022, I suffered a really bad art burnout. I didnt draw anything for a year. I started to kick it back up again in 2023. I found a lot of comfort in spending a lot of time drawing my OC's- which was far different than what I used to do- which was a shit ton of fanart. It definetely ignighted my spark and I really started to draw what I loved.

I really felt I was diving back into what I was really passionate about.

But I guess i could never escape how badly I relied on external validation for things I make. Because if I truely reflect, I've mostly drawn things for others. And I kept tellling myself that that was something I found comfort in. Getting feedback from an external source is where I grounded my validation for so many years and I really need to break out of that habit. And I'm back in a rut where I'm not finding interest or enjoyment in it anymore.

But its rough- I know OC content doesnt get much attention online, not compared to fanart at least. But seeing numbers dwindle on social def hit the brain a little to hard. I know I cant ever beat the algorithm but it still does suck a whole lot

The art burnout at the start of this year hit me so hard like a 500kg Eagle Strike. I can tell that im forcing any art that I put out. But I look at the recent stuff i make, wether it be a sketch or an illustration, and just feel so disheartened. I dont hate it, I dont critique it- I just feel disheartned by it.

And I know its affecting other parts in my life. Im a lot more moody and irritable, and I have this lingering worry that its starting to affect my social circles. I do my best to check in with my friends and partner but anxiety really just isnt kind at times.

I know time is going to be my friend in overcoming burnout- I know I've overworked myself. I just hate how I'm starting to resent the things I was so passionate about.

But really, I needed to get this off my chest somewhere.

Thanks for hanging friends

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 14 days

Note

am i the asshole for not telling a girl why i broke up with her?

i (23f) went out with a girl we'll call sophie (25f). we went on a few dates, i didnt feel an instant connection but she was cute and sweet so i was willing to see where it goes. after a few dates, she asked me back to her apartment, i agreed and we had sex then fell asleep

after she fell asleep, i found out that she snores LOUDLY. i am a very light sleeper, so her snoring meant that i was basically up all night. i took this as a sign that things weren't going to work out between us, since i already wasn't feeling much of a connection and if we continued dating i would never sleep at night.

after she woke up, i didnt say anything about it and just acted normal, then we both left to go to work. the next day when she asked to hang out again, i told her that she was great but i didnt really feel a connection, and i would love to be her friend but im not interested in being romantically/sexually involved anymore. i didnt tell her that it was because of her snoring since i know thats something she can't change about herself, and it wouldn't have been a dealbreaker for me if i had been more interested in her. she responded politely and said that she understood, and i thought everything was fine

unfortunately i did not consider the timing of the conversation and didnt think about how it would look. later that day, i heard from a friend who was friends with her (the wlw community in my city is small, we all know each other) that sophie told her that i had "led her on for sex then said that i just wanted to be friends" because from her perspective, i had sex with her then broke up with her the next day. i felt AWFUL because i hadn't told her that the snoring was the problem because i didnt want to make her feel bad, but it looked even worse since i omitted it. and now i cant tell her the truth because saying "actually, it wasn't the sex, it was the snoring" will just make it worse.

i keep going over the situation in my head, and i feel terrible but i'm not sure what i would've done differently. i didn't mean to lead her on because i really did like her, and once i realized that it wasnt going to work out i broke things off. aita?

additional info: i feel like its important to mention that we were never that serious or exclusive. like i said, we had only been on a few dates. she was still on dating apps while we were going out, and i was too. we were both looking for a serious relationship, but we were not serious yet, so i didnt think saying that i just wanted to be friends was that big a deal

#aita #am i the asshole

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crookedkryptonitebeliever · 2 years

Text

Yandere Best Friend pt 2

tw: self harm, mentions of violence, general deranged yandere shenanigans, angst

ageless blogs n minors DNI blease tq <3

part 1 here

my masterlist

this sucks bros i broke my fucken leg and i cant move, my cast is so itchy and i cant scratch and i feel nasty cause i cant shower

feeling bads, so thats why i churned part 2 out faster thn usual , its shorter than before but just need some angsty comfort atm

as uaual many errors cause i did not proofreasd

enjoy i hope

You left the exam hall a couple hours later. To find out that your dad left a total of seven missed calls. You thought someone fucking died.

Of course, you called back. Preparing for the worst.

Your father picked up the phone, he explained that it was your friend. He had a mental breakdown because you weren't there for the opening of his dream restaurant. Eventually though, he calmed down enough to come back into the building to return the phone, eyes noticeably dull and tired, worse than before. He never stopped trembling.

The three of them sat down and talked.

Neither of your parents knew you stopped contacting him. They thought everything was fine, so your friend couldn't fault them for that.

Your parents trusted your friend, so they gave him your phone number and told him basic information about you now. Such as, the country you're studying in and the course.

You felt a pang of guilt, but you had to move on. You understood that he was busy, it would probably do no good for you to try and reach out to him. You would just ruin his plan and distract him too much. At least, that was what you thought.

Usually, he would call every day. But that turns to once every three days. Then once a week. Then never.

It's true that he would not miss a single day to send you a sweet message, a reminder to practice self care and that you're very dear to his heart. Which would be then followed by an update to his progress, it was stressful to read what he was going through and that was all he talked about. You felt like his personal diary, he stopped asking about how things were going for you.

Since it doesn't seem to bother him you weren't replying because he would send his texts when the entire world is asleep, you stopped opening his texts too.

You wanted to tell him in person that you're moving out to pursue your studies and you were granted a student loan. A crushing student loan. But... You believe his ten minutes of free time a week is better used for his sleep. Or even going to the bathroom perhaps.

A day passes by another and in the end, you moved on without him. Without telling him. It just always slips your mind every time you see him brisk walking towards his beat up car with a stack of metal trays in his arms. They must be extremely heavy, you could see the veins bulging out of his forearms and forehead.

It was hard to watch his cheeks get sunken in, his hair going back to its' matted, unhealthy state, dark bags forming under his constantly bloodshot eyes. He looked like he aged a decade older from all the stress and pressure. But... He is working towards his dream and you're happy for him. It was great that he finally achieved what he wanted, he deserved all of its glory for working his ass off like that.

You held no ill will towards him, but you grew apart. He was so consumed with work that the friendship suffered in silence, there were no more fun hangouts together at the mall, you don't get to eat his cooking anymore (you didn't want to burden him by buying a tray, he already has too much to do), no more fun conversations about the silliest shit. It was just... Bank loans, revenue, expenses, investors, employees, employers, credit score, mortgages, taxes etcetera. The urgency and distress was also rubbing off you too, there were nights you woke up in a cold sweat because you had a nightmare that your hypothetical restaurant failed and you went into debt.

So you thought, he needed his time. You shouldn't really interfere with anything you don't understand. Your friend is already nose deep in the real world, you're not even close to it yet and you're not ready for it yet either. Therefore, you took the route most young adults take after getting a high school diploma: getting a bachelor's degree in some field of study that you probably don't even like.

You trudged onwards to the direction of your hostel. You need to get ready for your shift, money is a little tight now and you don't want to burden your parents too much. They're already sending a lot of money to support your living.

If your friend knew you were working hard for some extra money, his heart would break. It would be devastating news to him, no doubt, he would at least have a dozen freakouts and breakdowns. But you don't know that, yet.

As expected, your friend eventually called you. It was later than expected; it took him a week before he called your new phone number himself. He needed to calm down and collect his thoughts, as he knew that he might just drive you away if he comes barreling in with passionate yelling and sobbing over the phone. Plus, he also needed to focus on his new restaurant too, he can't just abandon his lifelong dream like that. How else is he going to make enough money to provide for you? He can't take back the money and time he invested in this now, all he can do is keep going and find some compromise.

It was tempting to go M.I.A. and hastily book a plane ticket to wherever you're studying. He was deeply yearning for your presence, he was desperate, he was clawing his arms and decorating them with nasty scars in an attempt to keep the urge at bay. He was extremely miserable but he had to keep going, to build that wonderful, cushiony foundation for you and him to fall back onto.

Everything he does, he does it for you.

He was polite, kind and pleasant during the first phone call you both had in two years. Though, there was a noticeable twinge of hurt in his mildly wavering voice. He still sounded like he's happy and relieved to hear you again.

The call started off with a greeting, then some small talk, then finally to the meat of the call;

Why didn't you tell me? He asked. It seems like he was fighting back his tears.

You didn't answer right away, you don't know what to say.

You could tell him the truth that he was too busy with his endeavors and you just don't feel like interfering by burdening him with "unnecessary information". However, you think that might wound him deeply as you're somewhat blaming him for your own actions.

You could lie... and tell him what, exactly? Either way, it would hurt him even more and there is probably going to be some resentment.

So, you apologized. You kept your reasoning brief and simple; you needed to move on. You acknowledged that whatever you did wasn't very nice of you, but you still had to proceed and you thought that it would be better that you didn't tell him.

There was a moment of silence between the both of you.

On the other side of the call, your friend was wracking his brain, trying to comprehend what you just told him. It came across as you not wanting to do anything with him anymore because you feel unprioritized, unimportant, inferior. Guilt and remorse was eating him up, he is putting all the faults onto himself.

He spiraled downwards in that call, spewing nonsense and absurd promises to destroy everything he has ever worked for just to have you back in his arms. Deranged negotiations involving the idea of blinding, deafening, mutilating or doing some sort of bodily or mental harm to himself to prove something; prove that he puts you above everything else and also to punish himself for neglecting you.

It was horrifying to hear your dear friend babble about putting himself into financial ruin for the sake for your forgiveness. He spoke of his accomplishments and advancements as they were disposable, as if it held no value compared to you.

This isn't normal, far from it, Your friend devolved so much to the point he was making demented pledges to kill and maim your enemies for you, and only you. To eviscerate the ones you dislike and send videographic proof of it, to disembowel his business associates to show that they mean absolutely nothing to him. Mind you, he was talking about real, breathing, living humans.

It was hard to fully grasp the insanity in his now incoherent words, he was muttering apologies and self hatred. Promises of severe self harm was also common in his mad speech. At one point, religion and superstitions were thrown into the mix. But you could not understand what he was chanting about.

What the fuck are you talking about? Your friend didn't pick up on your distress... or words over his excessive tirade against himself.

Everything I do, I do it for you, and I would do anything and everything for you. I love you- You hung up.

You couldn't take a second more of that. It was really difficult to see this side of him. It hurts you too that he became like this, perhaps all the stress from building a business from the ground up fried his mind. Whatever it was, you knew that he is not good for you anymore.

You sent him a final text message telling him that you're not comfortable with him after that massive sanity slippage. You wished him luck and expressed your regrets that it had to turn out this way.

You didn't give him a chance to respond, you blocked him immediately on everything and went on with your day.

Whatever he said kept replaying in your head like a broken record. It was pure horror.

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lovingmayday · 11 months

Text

STREET RACER! HOBIE x STREET RACER! READER

warnings : illegal street racing, gambling, cursing, suggestive

notes : this one's not that much focused on street racing anymore. im so very normal about him, cant you tell?

part 1 ☆ part 2

first off, street racer hobart brown is a menace. did i mention that or was i too busy gushing about him last time?

street racer hobie loves getting a reaction out of you, commenting on things he knows would rile you up. and he can read you absurdly easily

street racer hobie and you make seperate bets aside from the main one. like if you win, he does whatever you tell him and if he wins, you do whatever he tells you. and if neither of you win, its a draw and its boring so either of you have to win

if you won, you'd probably ask him to let you drive his car around for a week or so. and if he won,, well...

"What?" you ask, though it was more of a rhetorical question, if anything. You heard him loud and clear, you just couldn't believe it.

He had his distinct smug grin on his face as he takes steady steps backward to his car. "'Said I'll pick you up at 8. Wear somethin' nice and casual, yeah?" he says with his back finally against his restored vintage on wheels, smirking at your heated face.

You swallowed a lump in your throat and opened your mouth, your words delaying by a bit. "You're not gonna stick around for my answer?"

"Won the bet, didn't I? It's set in stone," he muses, switfly entering his car. "Later."

he took you to a gwen stacy concert (gwen is a referred to as "maybe the most influental musician – the greates artist – of our generation" in earth-138) and you both had a great time

pretty obvious when you woke up that morning in your apartment and in the comfort of his arms

it was another date, then a third and a fourth then the next until you both just couldn't stay away from one another anymore

you know how in wwe, fights are rehearsed and they don't act the same behind the camera? it's half something like that. your races are genuine but your behavior with each other isn't

all hostile and aggressive near crowds and never ending insults and mockery from both sides. none of the audiences knew how much street racer hobie loved eating your face behind the curtains

"Hob–" you manage to gasp out between kisses. Your was hand clutched on his vest as his hand behind your head deepens the kiss. A surprised moan escapes past your lips when you feel his knee between your thighs.

You start to become more light-headed. He starts trailing the kisses down to your neck and you reward him with a few soft mewls.

"H-Hobie, we're late. Stop." You try to push him away, your hands on his shoulders but he intertwines them with his' and pins them against the wall.

His lips return to yours' once again, exhaling contently before he departs. "I don't think you want me to stop either, love," he whispers, pressing his forehead against yours. You slowly open your eyes to see him smiling.

It wasn't his usual smile — there wasn't an ounce of teasing in it. It was gentle with affection and intimacy. You sigh and plant a short kiss on his. "Wouldn't they be suspicious if we bailed at the same time?"

"Would you care if they did?" he asks, moving your hands to rest around his neck as he puts his' around your waist, pulling you both unbelievably closer. You consider it and give him a small peck before shaking your head. "That's my girl."

#atsv hobie #hobie #hobie brown #hobie brown x reader #hobie x reader #spider punk #spider man: across the spider verse #across the spiderverse #spider punk x reader #hobie fluff #hobie x you #hobie brown x you #hobie atsv #hobie brown atsv #atsv hobie brown #spider punk x you

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heartsoji · 1 year

Text

LOVE LANGUAGES

starring the bllk boys!

featuring kunigami rensuke, chigiri hyoma, and bachira meguru

a/n: sigh some easy headcanons bc i simply cannot write anymore

KUNIGAMI RENSUKE

acts of service!

pls acts of service just screams him

hes your hero, after all! hes at your service

you're hungry? here, have some of his food!

on your period? chocolate and midol for you!

cant go to sleep? he has a bottle of melatonin and huge, snuggly arms

he will literally do anything you ask

he's def an 'actions speak louder than words' typa guy so he feels that when he does something for you, its proof of his love

ALSO something that i was thinking ab was yk how kunigami is ripped

if ur feet were tired, he'd carry you on his back with ease

'are you sure im not too heavy?' *looks back at you with disappointment and betrayal* 'hell no."

hes a sweetie

CHIGIRI HYOMA

words of affirmation!

hes a rizzler, ok

he says cheesey things with the same composure he'd have if he was taking a nice stroll in the park

"the stars, the sun, the moon. they're supposed to shine bright, but they pale in comparison to you" with a calm, soothing smile

also CHIGIRIS VOICE

ITS SO HOT

HE HAS THIS LIKE SILKY SMOOTH, SUPER PRETTY, FLOWY, SOOTHING, SEXY VOICE OK

AND HE JUST LIKE SAYS THESE SUPER ROMANTIC THINGS WITH THIS SUPER HOT VOICE AND ITS JUST <3

ok sorry

he also provides really good comfort!

if you're crying from a rough day, he's there with you, rubbing your back, whispering sweet things into your ear

"it's ok, love. i know it feels like the end of the world now, but it was etc etc" WITH HIS SILKY SMOOTH VOICE UGH

HES SO PERFECT

AND GOING BACK TO HIS RIZZ

HE LIKE

DOES THIS

THING

AKJASJKSD

ok i hc that after he gives you those cheesy poetic compliments, he makes you look him in the eyes and just lets you melt into putty in his arms

hes just so

yes

(can u tell i love chigiri)

BACHIRA MEGURU

quality time + physical touch!

he love love loves spending time w/ you

he plans the most fun dates ever and he always makes sure you have a great time

picnic dates, arcade dates, amusement park dates, you get it

hes just so thoughtful and his laughter is literally contagious

hes one of the guys who will be happy just by being with you (and his happiness is contagious so youre happy too)

also hes super touchy

big fan of back hugs. you'll be standing there when you suddenly feel him ram into you, arms circling around your waist

a big cuddler also

i could def see him being either a little or big spoon tbh

he just loves being close to you

sometimes you'l be laying in bed when you hear a "YAHOOO" (like mario) and suddenly hes ramming down on top of you as you let out a loud, "OW"

he has the tightest hugs ever

just grabs you and squeezes you and spins you around

also loves dancing with you

he'll put on some fun music and he just spins you around and laughs and has fun

pls hes so cute i love him

heartsoji 𑁍 please do not steal, plagiarize, or repost onto any platform. thank you!

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mugentakeda · 3 months

Text

azula and lu ten things because i am insane

-lu ten does that shit where he appears at azulas door randomly with a bowl of fruit. he cuts them and peels them himself (<-frequent kitchen invader). he kinda floats in and drops it off at her desk silently while maintaining intense eye contact with her like a weird ghost

-they do a lot of “parallel play” together. azula didnt go to the fire nation academy for girls until after lu ten died, so while she still was being taught within the palace, theyd do their work together in the palace library. shed do her studies, lu ten would pour over his scrolls. when lu ten does this stuff with zuko there’s always chit chatting, but when its azula they just do their thing in each others company and in silence. lu ten likes to bring blankets and pillows and tea so they can do it on the floor instead of slouching over the tables

-when bad summer storms roll around the three like to sleep in lu tens room because his bed is the biggest. azula likes to whisper menacing shit like “cousin when youre firelord i will usurp you and make you and zuzu my court jesters” when zuko falls asleep. and lu tens just like Okay💯

-whenever they see each other with snacks they like to make it a goal to snatch it and run off as fast as possible. one time lu ten snatched a mooncake right out of azulas mouth and hauled ass through the courtyard. ursa and iroh were playing pai sho together and he kicked the whole table over just to slow azula down

-azula spontaneously appears in lu tens room to annoy him when shes bored and cant find zuko or if zukos busy. she stands outside his door complaining until he lets her in and then she just wanders around his room and messes with his stuff and stands there menacingly. And rhen she just leaves and lu ten will call after her like “and stay out WEIRDO” and azula will respond like “YOURE BALD”

-when azula was a baby and lu ten was still looking after her for ursa, he eventually had to teach her how to eat on her own. everytime azula ate shed have to bathe cus shed get food Everywhere. face, clothes, hair. under her clothes. eyelashes. up her nose. it was disastrous

-lu ten was always someone azula knew would be there for her but. he was only her cousin. and lu ten taking care of azula while ursa suffered from her ppd is a secret that lu ten kept to the grave for the sake of ursas pride, so while lu ten loved azula a great deal and to a very intense level that mixed and complicated the love and older sibling has and a parent has (complicated because lu ten was only 15 at the time lol), azula never knew. and unless ursa tells her in the future then she never will

-itll always be one of the things azula hates her uncle most for. what she finds most disgraceful and pathetic about him. she’ll have to spend more years remembering lu ten than she did knowing him, and its all her uncle’s fault. and all they have are ink portraits and paintings. so eventually, his features, his human face, will slowly ebb from her mind. and the minds of everyone that ever knew him.

her father never talks about him, never talks about any of the phantoms in their family. they don’t do anything for his birthday. so she just lets herself in his room, and messes with his stuff to find proof of his existence.

its dusty. clean but untouched, like he’s just left for a long vacation and tidied up a bit before going out the door. the robe he last wore is still slung over his desk chair. his sandals are still kicked across the floor with one flipped on its side. the lounge chair on his balcony has marks on its seat and back from how much he sat on it.

but theres no humming to nonsensical tunes just to fill the silence (because azula used to swear he liked to hear the sound of his own voice). there’s no scrolls and papers stacked madly on his desk. the scent of spiced saffron tea doesnt linger in the air anymore. it’s not strangely lived in. it makes sense where the servants tidied some areas up, when lu ten never made sense in how he did anything. it’s not right.

it doesnt feel haunted, though- the dread she feels when she goes into mother’s room doesn’t exist in lu ten’s. the sunshine from the always open drapes warms her. the dips in the mattress from when the three of them would cram together, where she and zuko would crawl all over him and dig their elbows and knees into his lanky limbs, they call to her welcomingly. like the silence after the whisper, like he’s under the covers telling her to quit standing at the doorway like a weirdo and to just come in already. like if she pulled the blanket back he’d be there to listen when she’d tell him about the horrible dream she had.

its not dread. its warm feelings and nostalgia lingering, but slowly becoming infected by her own bitterness. a gentle reminder of something she’ll never get back. a question wondering what she did to the universe for it to take away the one person that always corrected her, but never while also judging her or scolding her simultaneously.

and as she looks at the knick knacks on the shelves, she knows that lu ten wasn’t meant for a soldiers death. it’s not just because he was a prince. it wasn’t just because it was down in the trenches, among filthy barbarians in a far off city. it was because she just knew lu ten was meant for the long and simple life, and then a simple death. in his sleep. leaving happy memories like the ones azula has, with tons of kids and grand babies that he loved to pieces and helped raise. by the beach at sunset. leaving an imprint everyone forever, a fond memory brought up at every turn. he didn’t deserve to just be known by a family and a palace that liked to suffocate everything within it.

when she takes ba sing se in her fist, she still knows that. and knows this is probably not even what he wanted, because her cousin was gentle and fair. but he’s also dead forever. he’s her gentle and fair, dead forever cousin. she’ll never stop thinking about how happy he would’ve been to be surpassed by her with lightning, because winning never mattered to him. he’ll never be older than twenty three.

so she will do what she wants in his memory rather than doing what he would’ve wanted. she will do everything shes wanted to do since she knew he was crushed out of existence like a dying star. she will find her uncle and make a wound in the shape of her bitterness, right in his chest, and twist the dagger until he howls like a dog. she’ll rip his arm off for his disgrace, for coming home with only a limb of her cousin’s, and no rage to show for. no want for anything.

#alicias writing stuff #dai li lu ten

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