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bee-kathony · 5 years

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Tales From Fraser’s Ridge | Part 29 “Oblivion”

a/n: thank you @julesbeauchamp for my moodboard! and thank you jamie and claire for always being horny loving.

Missing Moments

I dreamed of him. When my eyes closed and my thoughts drifted from the day, I dreamed of Jamie. Even as I slept in his arms, safe and protected, he was always in my head. More often my dreams had woken me with a tight feeling in the pit of my stomach and a wetness between my legs.

Ever since Bree had arrived only four weeks ago, Jamie and I hadn’t made love. For us this was a long time, almost unbearable and as he pressed himself against me at night, I came very close a few times to pressing myself on his length. It wasn’t only the simple fact of having Bree in our small cabin now, but Lizzie and Ian as well — and Rollo.

Of course, Ian and Rollo slept out in the makeshift lean to Jamie had first built when we arrived to the ridge. But Lizzie and Bree were for now on a pallet on the ground.

Jamie assured me the Big House was almost finished and soon we would have room enough for all our new tenants. I missed the sex of course, but I mostly missed being able to lie in his arms and feel his bare chest pressed against my back. For the girls’ modesty, he had been wearing a shirt to sleep and I didn’t like it one bit.

My hot blooded husband was my personal heater at night and all I wanted was his bare body next to mine.

We came close one day in the small stable — I was tending to the animals when Jamie came up behind me, his hands on my hips.

“Mmmm, Sassenach,” Jamie kissed my neck and I laughed, turning to kiss him on the mouth. “I believe this is the first time we’ve been alone in weeks.” His arms came around my waist and I leaned back.

“It is,” I smiled. “I’m happy Bree is here, of course. I only wish the house was finished — so everyone can have a proper bed you know.”

“Aye, I ken mo nighean donn,” he chuckled and turned me in his arms, leaning down for another kiss. “It will be finished soon, I promise ye. I can’t wait to have ye all to myself again, yer naked body stretched out underneath me.”

“Underneath you?” I grinned and slid my hands over his chest, “What makes you think I won’t be the one on top, hmm?”

His eyebrows flashed up, a hint of something mischievous crossing them and suddenly my feet were off the ground and he was placing my legs around his waist. “Ye can do anythin’ ye like, Sassenach.” With an open mouth, he kissed me, his tongue parting my lips and I couldn’t help the moans that left my mouth. I nearly yelped when he took a few steps back and pressed his back against the wall.

“Careful,” I laughed, turning my head so he could press his mouth to my neck. I felt giddy almost at the idea of being caught in this state or possibly heard. Nothing mattered in this moment other than having Jamie between my legs. “Oh God.”

Jamie’s hands held my arse, squeezing it firmly and I rolled my hips best I could, feeling him harden between the layers. I was just sliding my hand between our bodies and reaching into his breeks when I heard Bree calling for me.

“Jamie,” I sighed and he only made a noncommittal noise, his mouth never ceasing on my neck and chest. “Jamie, stop. Bree is calling for me and she’ll come look here soon.”

That caught his attention and his head came up, his eyes almost glossy, filled with unsatisfied desire. His lips pouted as he set me gently to my feet, his hands never leaving my buttocks. “I dinna want to part from ye, Sassenach.”

“It’s only for a moment, my love,” I smiled and kissed him, pressing my body against him. His cock was hard and I heard him whimper as I pulled away. As I walked towards the cabin, I took a glance back at Jamie and he was still standing in the same position, his chest heaving and his face turned heaven wards — no doubt praying for strength.

The next almost-moment happened when I was washing clothes. Ian and Bree had gone hunting early in the morning and hadn’t returned. Lizzie was feeling unwell after I had diagnosed her with malaria and was lying down inside. That left me alone with the clothes and Jamie found me — only this time he stood in front of me, simply watching.

“Are you going to help me or just stand there?”

“I’m just watchin’ ye ken,” he made a grunting noise, crossing his arms over his chest. I felt his eyes trail across my body, my cheeks flushing red.

“Do you like what you see then?” I grinned, continuing to move one of my shifts across the washboard. It was then that I realized my bodice laces were very loose and his eyes were focused on my breasts. “I see,” I smiled.

“Ye wash wi’ such vigor, Sassenach,” he said softly, almost in a dream like state. If he wanted a show, a show he would have. I moved the washboard a little further in the water and leaned over, exposing more of my open bodice. His feet shifted on the ground and all I heard was the crunch of dry leaves. No doubt he had moved to get a closer look.

“I’m very thorough.” Dipping the shift all the way in the water, I then brought it back up and let it splash back down, in the process getting water all over the front of my dress. I was being completely impractical and soiling my dress, but from the look on Jamie’s face it was worth it.

“Ye got a bit of water, mo nighean,” he took a few more steps until he was at arms reach and his hand came to lay gently over my heart, his thumb pressing between my cleavage, “Just there.”

“Where?” I bent my head to look down and he slid his hand down further, cupping my breast. “It seems I have.”

“Dinna fash, I’ll have ye dry in no time,” Jamie smirked and pressed his hand more firmly against my breast and my nipple hardened. I nearly laughed thinking about how the past couple of times we had found privacy had all occurred outside. I wanted to abandon the laundry and have him take me there on the ground, but I was quite enjoying teasing him. So often he never let me get this far, always surrendering to his desire to have me. I was of course of no mind to object and wanted it just as bad, if not more than he did most times. But seeing the rise and fall of his chest, the hitch of his breath as his finger pressed against my nipple… it was so erotic.

His tongue snaked out between his lips and before I could stop myself, I moved my hand to his and moved it between the layers of clothes and pressed his palm to my chest. The sigh that left his lips had me closing my eyes and cherishing the feeling of his touch. For many years I had dreamed of him, spent lonely nights craving his touch and now that I was with him again, it seemed that I couldn’t find time alone with him.

“Claire,” he whispered and moved around the bucket to stand close to me, his body flush with mine and I melted into his touch. His skin was warm as always and I felt a light sweat break out on my chest despite the chill in the air. “I want ye so…”

Leaning forward, I pressed my head against his chest, almost purring at his touch, “We’re outside,” I said softly. “We can go in Ian’s lean-to.”

Not a second later, Jamie was tugging on my hand, pulling me towards the lean-to. But before we reached it, I spotted a flash of red hair from far away and knew we were defeated. Jamie stopped in his tracks and turned to me, quickly pulling at my laces. “Yer indecent, Sassenach,” he smirked.

I had practically given up on the idea of ever having Jamie in my bed again until one day when Bree declared she was going to take a walk with Lizzie and explore the area. Jamie had kindly offered to go with them, but Ian stepped up — to Lizzie’s delight.

As soon as the door closed behind the three of them, Jamie was on his feet and had me in his arms. Carrying me to the bed, his eyes never left mine and my heart started to beat erratically. He was wasting no time.

“At least wait a bit,” I laughed as he laid me down on the bed covers. “What if they forgot something and come back?”

“Damn them!” Jamie cursed and moved towards the door, pushing a chest against the door. “I must have ye now or die, Sassenach!” He stalked forwards then, a man with one purpose only.

Our hands flew between our bodies, desperate to rid ourselves of so many layers and I cursed myself for tying my laces so tight today. “Help me, please,” I sighed and laid back flat on the bed.

Jamie’s skillful hands were on me at once, tugging at the strings and finally he pulled the material free and helped shed me of the rest of my clothes. Once we were both fully naked, he covered me with his body.

“Ahhh,” I moaned as I felt his length press against my stomach. “I do remember you saying I could have anything I wanted…”

His eye twitched and I knew he just might die if I didn’t surrender to him and soon. “Aye, I did, but I regret it. Now part yer legs, Sassenach,” Jamie grinned and his hand was on my thigh. I clenched my legs shut and moved my hand to cup his chin.

“Not so fast…” I squinted my eyes. “This is our one moment alone for who knows how much longer — I intend to make the most of it.”

He laid his head down on my chest for a moment before leaning up to give me a kiss. “I wasna thinkin’ mo nighean donn.” Jamie pushed back moved on his side, his body still close to mine.

“Something else was doing all the thinking for you,” I grinned wickedly as my hand wrapped around his cock. He let out a startled groan, his eyes closing briefly before he nodded his head, “Sassenach…”

“Fair’s fair,” I said softly and opened my legs, letting my eyes trail down my body to indicate what I wanted.

His eyes narrowed to small cat like slits and I shivered as his hand lightly traced down over my breast and stomach before resting over my mound. “So wet, mo ghraidh.”

“Astute observation,” I smirked and began to pump my hand on his length. His hand froze slightly but regained enough composure to continue his explorations between my thighs.

“Uh!” I cried out when finally his finger slipped inside. I heard how wet I was and felt his own pre-cum on the head of his cock. I spread the moisture around the tip before bringing my hand back down. “Jamie.”

“Aye,” he moaned and met my eye. My own hand was slowing down as he brought me near climax and then I saw the switch in his mind and then he was on top of me, one hand replacing my hand with his own. Lining himself up with my core, I gasped with satisfaction as he plunged himself into me.

“Christ,” he mumbled as he began to roll his hips. “Slick as waterweed, Sassenach.”

I brought one leg around his waist and moved my hands over his arse, urging him deeper inside. I was so close and I knew he was too. Leaning down, Jamie pressed his lips against mine, our tongues colliding in a desperate chase. My back arched off the bed, molding with his flesh and I gave over to my most primal instincts.

“Jamie,” I sighed and met his thrust with my hips as I felt him spill into me a moment later. With my name on his lips, he surrendered and pressed his body on top of mine, nearly crushing me.

Rolling over, he brought us on our sides, his hands coming up to brush a few hairs off my forehead. “I love ye, Sassenach.”

“And I you,” I kissed his hand that rested between us and then his lips.

“We canna wait that long ever again,” he said after taking a deep breath.

“Then someone better finish up the house,” I laughed and booped him on the nose.

“If ye promise to let me bed ye every night, then aye… I’ll go and finish it right now,” he made to move, but I pressed my arm around him, using all my strength to keep him on the bed.

“Not just yet!” I laughed. “They’ve only just left, surely we have hours.”

“Hours? Ye tryin’ to kill me woman?” Jamie rolled on his back, one hand resting on his stomach. I looked down between his legs and saw his cock twitch.

“You may not be the young man you once were, but surely you’ve still got it in you for another go?”

He looked over at me, a determined expression on his face. I wasted no time straddling him and sinking down on him, leaning over his chest and taking his face in my hands.

“You’re mine, Jamie Fraser,” I panted as I began to roll my hips.

“And yer mine, Claire,” he sighed against my mouth and then wrapped his hands around my back, helping me ride him into oblivion.

#tales from frasers ridge #outlander fanfic #jamie x claire #TFFR #mclairefras #oblivion #part 29

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alex-in-wonderlandd · 5 years

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Honestly i wish i could disappear. I feel so fucking useless and im a complete ass CLOWN for thinking that you fucking care about me still when you dont. At all. And it hurts. Its almost as of overnight you fucking just. Stopped. Why? I dont understand? Just a few days before you got angry with me for something as trivial as waking you up. We were completely fine, if not more than that. It really seemed like it was that “head-over-heels” type of love. And you want to know why i think that? Because you fucking told me it was that. I dont think you remember at all though. The little things you would say to me while you were half asleep in my room.

And you say you left because its whats best for both of us. Thats not true. You dont know whats best for me and my happiness at all. Its not a decision for you to make. You only care about yourself. And i guess that i didnt make you happy enough and i was a tie you had to cut. But im not allowed to be upset over that am I? It seems to you that im not supposed to allow myself to be sad and grieve. But it also seems like i would be marked as a whore andca bitch if im happy and trying to move on right? (Dont worry. Im not though.)

I wanted you to be happy i really did but. Now i think i want you to hurt. Because you shattered me. And you know you did. And now you’re picking up the pieces from the mess youve created of me and stronging them along a frayed red thread thats tied not to your little finger like in the old Japanese folktales. But to your ego.

Honestly fuck you for saying that you love me and that you dont want this break between us to be permanent. Fuck you for saying that you’re probably going to come back. Fuck you for saying that you care about me and that you’re still always going to be here for me. Because you know what. I was drowning that week and when i tried to approach you about it, i was suddenly inconsiderate and it was the last straw for you or whatever and you? Left? Me? During my time of need.

And god i cant even tell you how your selfish timing fucked me over. Not only did you make me drive all the way across town so you could break up with me in person and waste my time, but you really had to do it to me right before my big finals. Before my first shift with my new promotion at work that same night. And roght before summer. So i cant even distract myself with school or friends because everyone is busy with their summer classes, traveling, or work. The 3 friends i do have cant always be there. And i dont even get the opportunity to attempt to make more.

And whats even shittier is the fact that im stupid enough to believe that you’re going to check up on me like ive been checking up on you. I dont know why ive been so fucking nice to you when all youve done to and for me is break my heart, and then get mad at me after we broke up for asking for a little more clarity as to why. You get in my face and tell me that im not listening to you. I am fucking listening but it dosent make any sense?

Seriously how does that make any sense?

“Im breaking up with you because i love you”

What?

No you dont. You obviously dont.

And you shouldn’t have lied about it.

Because all that did was confuse me and hurt me more and here we are a little over two weeks later and i think the wound thats bleeding tonight is deeper and bloodier than the original cut you made when you cut me off.

But it dosent even matter because im not allowed to be hurt over our breakup am i? I bet you the second that i go out with another male friend thats not a safe boy like matthew or will or my two male friends at work or someone you see as a “threat” you’re gonna get all butthurt because im trying to “move on” or whatever right?

Why do you care? Its not like im going to throw my superego out the window and give into some carnal instinct that kicks in and fuck the first guy i see to get over you. Thats not who i am. Thats not what i want. But even if it were, you dont get tobe angry about it because you were the one who left me. You ask if im seeing anyone new the few times weve talked. You claim you’re just trying to “check on me and my life” but quite frankly asking me that one week after we break up at 11:00 at night because i “seem like im doing fine and having fun with my dudes” seems more like an attack.

But did i let it slide? Yeah.

Why did i let it slide?

Because im a fool for still being in love with you and fucking myself up over it.

and you know what else? I dont even know what to do with your things. I have a trillion photos of us. I have your clothes; a hoodie, 3 shirts, your belt, and strangely enough a pair of your boxers. I remember you brought an extra pair to disneyland the first time we went together and you let me wear them after my pants got soaked on splash mountain. I bet you don’t remember that though.

I have the chest you made me only a month ago on our one year. With the glass rose inside of it that you gave to me and insisted that you would love me until it broke. Well there dont seem to be any fractures so i guess that was just a lie too right? And i have the jar you made for me on my birthday with all the nice notes in it.

I packed them up the night before you left because i already knew in my gut what was about to happen, and when i presented them to you after the fact you cried. You told me to hold on to them just in case. And honestly i should have just threw them off an overpass. But i still have them. Because theyre too special to me to destroy because nobody has ever treated me as kindly as you have. (Until now i thought you were an angel. I really did.)

But i also cant stand to look at them without breaking down.

I really dont think youd be able to comprehend what youve done to me. Ive lost about 12 pounds in a 2 week period. Because i just feel absolutely sick to my stomach. And you know what? You made me throw up. In my 11 years of having nausea for what I thought was no reason up until senior year when i was diagnosed with anxiety and gastritis and emetophobia. Ive never actually thrown up unless i was sick with a stomach bug or on an airplane. But you... you made me throw up for the first time out of anxiety and heartbreak and panic. Despite all the drugs ive been doing to make myself feel better like the bottles of antacids and the cases of ginger beer and even prescription medication that was supposed to guarantee I wouldn’t vomit. I did anyway.

My stomach is flatter than it used to be. I remember you told me you would help me get my summer body and i was so excited at first. And you did help me get it. But my heart is broken and id rather have the food baby back and feel disgusted by my appearance and happy than looking fit and feeling...

How am i feeling?

Im a little bit depressed. Im a little relieved. Im nauseated, obviously. Im starving but i cant eat because two bites make me feel full even if im still hungry. Im angry. Im empowered though too because this has been hard for me and im still standing i guess.

But above all im feeling foolish because for some twisted, fucked up reason.

I still love you. And i miss you more and more each day.

Maybe im a masochist. I stayed with the actual spawn of satan for like 2 years. He hurt me. He disrespected me and my body for the longest time. He turned all my friends against me. I was so desperate to get out of that situation, but i didnt. I wanted to so bad. But i was so scared to leave. Maybe i do this to myself subconsciously because id rather be miserable in a relationship than alone.

But we weren’t miserable. We really weren’t.

You dont deserve my love anymore though. You practically cheated on me and i forgave you. You blew up and got angry at me for the smallest an most trivial matters like movie times and jokes in bad taste. I check on you still whenever you post something about wanting to disappear or feelig like crap. I check on you even when you dont post that stuff and ask you how your finals are going and if your family is doing ok.

And that makes me 🤡 of the day because I think that youll check on me too but you wont. Im drowning and you’re standing over me in a life raft just watching.

I just wish i could get closure.

But you know what? Actually i think i get it now.

I love you. But i need to get away from you.

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babie-janie · 7 years

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to the ones who love(d) me

1. you were my first “kiss” and it means nothing to me. i have been cruel to you but you have never been anything that i have wanted. i miss playing in the snow with you. we were innocent then. two very different worlds have shaped us. i am sorry. it is years later and i’m glad i’ve seen the person that you’ve become. i like to think that little me would be proud. in another life we are still friends. good luck.

2. my first everything. my first nothing. you will always reside in some part of my heart and i do not know if i want you to leave or not. sometimes you make tiny appearances in my life and i am grateful for them. however horrible you were to me cannot change the way i see you. from you i learned heartache, i learned it could mean two things. i was too young to understand either of them. we were a match made in heaven and burned in hell, i’ll always wonder if it were the opposite we could have known something more. you’re a beautiful, arrogant asshole, and i wish you the best of luck.

3. a waste. i was broken. beyond anything but desperate repair and so were you. how something so passionate came from that i’ll never know. i don’t regret it, i don’t cherish it. it was something that happened, and that was all it was ever meant to be.

4. we only knew a sad excuse for love, but you were a better person when we had it. thank you for cradling my pieces while you were still gentle.

5. i wasn’t special until i left you, and then you couldn’t get rid of me. we were always in love with eachother but never at the same time and i think that is how it is supposed to be. i would fall in love with you any day if you asked me but i think our distance is peaceful. it is years later and we are friends now. it’s nicer this way, but sometimes you still know how to tug at my heart strings.

6. you and i had all of the wrong timing and i promise you there is a world where i still love you. i’m sorry that i was unable to give you the world, i’m sorry for the person that you’ve become as a result. i hope you figure your heart out, but until you do, i am glad we are no more.

7. i thought we were worthwhile and for a time you were everything i loved. but falling out of love brought out a different part of you and i’ll never be able to see anything but that.

8. i cannot believe half of the things that we did, but i never wanted to love you. i’m sorry for breaking your heart but once i realized you weren’t the adventure i saw the first time we talked, i couldn’t stop thinking about leaving. freedom tastes sweeter than anything you could give me, but i hope that you can heal. it is several years later and i understand what you did to me. i hope you rot in hell.

9. you and i aren’t ever going to say it out loud but, this is the simplest form of two people loving each other. i don’t think i’ve ever wanted anybody more than i want you. watch wes anderson films with me while we make out under the stars and talk about a future we’ll never have.

10. you and i love each other and it’s not the kind of love you find easily. soulmates aren’t always meant to be romantic. it’s been a long time now and we have seen every side of each other. i hope we can find our way back to the good sides, in case we don’t, i love you.

11. Im sorry for everything weve done, everything I did to you. Im sorry that I was your first and that I left two days after. I cant make myself happy, I cant make you happy.

12. this is where you fit on the timeline of romance, but you and i have been in and out of love for years. our cycles are the single most painful thing i’ve been through, and i love you still. if we ever find our way back to eachother, know that we won’t ever work, but that i’d give anything for it to be different.

13. Who could have seen this coming? neither of us can hardly believe it. i fall easy for boys like you, but this time you’ve fallen too. i think there is a universal balance here, both of us infinitely collapsing into one another. for the first time you are the only one on my mind, and it is so refreshing. you are broken. i am trying. it isnt perfect. it doesn’t have to be. just stay with me. it is later now, and i have realized that you were never going to be the last one on this list. my heart aches for you and i hurt over how broken you are. i hope to god that you find your way. when i hear that you are unwell i shatter. you will always shatter me, but i hope we both heal.

14. is a good number to end on, it is your lucky number and it is double mine. maybe that’s how fate works. right now we are learning how to love and i’m glad that we found each other again. you have grown so much and i am trying to grow into goodness for you. never in a million years did i think that i would move across the country for someone, but here we are. i love you.

#love #poetry #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #love poems #boys #lost loved #in love #out of love #spilled poetry #writing #books i’ll never write

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veopets · 7 years

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according to all known laws of aviation there is no way a bee should be able to fly its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground the bee of course flies anyway because bees dont care what humans think is impossible yellow black yellow black yellow black yellow black ooh black and yellow lets shake it up a little barry breakfast is ready coming hang on a second hello barry adam can you believe this is happening i cant ill pick you uplooking sharp use the stairs your father paid good money for those sorry im excited heres the graduate were very proud of you son a perfect report card all bs very proud ma i got a thing going here you got lint on your fuzz ow thats me wave to us well be in row 118000 bye barry i told you stop flying in the house hey adam hey barry is that fuzz gel a little special day graduation never thought id make it three days grade school three days high school those were awkward three days college im glad i took a day and hitchhiked around the hive you did come back different hi barry artie growing a mustache looks good hear about frankie yeah you going to the funeral no im not going everybody knows sting someone you die dont waste it on a squirrel such a hothead i guess he could have just gotten out of the way i love this incorporating an amusement park into our day thats why we dont need vacations boy quite a bit of pomp under the circumstances well adam today we are men we are beemen amen hallelujah students faculty distinguished bees please welcome dean buzzwell welcome new hive oity graduating class of 9:15 that concludes our ceremonies and begins your career at honex industries will we pick our job today i heard its just orientation heads up here we go keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times wonder what itll be like a little scary welcome to honex a division of honesco and a part of the hexagon group this is it wow wow we know that you as a bee have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life honey begins when our valiant pollen jocks bring the nectar to the hive our top secret formula is automatically color corrected scent adjusted and bubble contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as honey that girl was hot shes my cousin she is yes were all cousins right youre right at honex we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence these bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology what do you think he makes not enough here we have our latest advancement the krelman what does that do catches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it saves us millions can anyone work on the krelman of course most bee jobs are small ones but bees know that every small job if its done well means a lot but choose carefully because youll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life the same job the rest of your life i didnt know that whats the difference youll be happy to know that bees as a species havent had one day off in 27 million years so youll just work us to death well sure try wow that blew my mind whats the difference how can you say that one job forever thats an insane choice to have to make im relieved now we only have to make one decision in life but adam how could they never

gonna give you up never gonna let you down never gonna run around and desert you never gonna make you cry never gonna say goodbye never gonna tell a lie and hurt you weve known each other for so long your hearts been aching but youre too shy to say it inside we both know what's been going on we know the game and were gonna play it and if you ask me how im feeling dont tell me you're too blind to see never gonna give you up never gonna let you down never gonna run around and desert you never gonna make you cry never gonna say goodbye never gonna tell a lie and hurt you never gonna give you up never gonna let you down never gonna run around and desert you never gonna make you cry never gonna say goodbye never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

(ooh give you up) (ooh give you up) never gonna give never gonna give (give you up) never gonna give never gonna give (give you up) weve known each other for so long your hearts been aching but youre too shy to say it inside we both know whats been going on we know the game and we're gonna play it i just wanna tell you how im feeling gotta make you understand never gonna give you up never gonna let you down never gonna run around and desert you never gonna make you cry never gonna say goodbye never gonna tell a lie and hurt you never gonna give you up never gonna let you down never gonna run around and desert you never gonna make you cry never gonna say goodbye never gonna tell a lie and hurt you never gonna give you up never gonna let you down never gonna run around and desert you never gonna make you cry never gonna say goodbye never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

#shitposting #bee movie #long #long post #v talks

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lycanrox · 7 years

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yeah i do things wrong. i dont know what the fuck im doing though. when i hurt people, i dont know that i do unless they say anything. if i dont have guidance for what i do, i dont know how to do it. i dont know how to be a good friend. i thought ive changed but apparently “i havent”. i used to treat everyone like shit, yeah. i used to think i was hot shit. i wanted to be cool but i wasnt. i didnt know who i was. not to blame alters or anything but half the shit from way long ago was wolfgang. yeah i fucking hate it but ive said that before and everyone excuses it. tbt to when **** said i was faking did to hve exuses to be shitty! while in reality i broke down every fucking day because i didnt feel normal or right. i still, to this day, barely know what i did wrong. i know i said some shitty things. i know you didnt want to be in that relationship with me. i felt like shit every fucking day beause i know that. you broke up with me, why didnt you keep it that way? you were the one who came to ME asking for me back. and you still continue to tell me im awful. you talk shit about things i cant fucking help as a person. you tell me and other people i used you for sex. yeah fucking right. remember the first time you tried to do shit wifh me? where was the fucking consent? you didnt ask me if it was okay, you didnt ask if i was ok. remember the time i was literally sobbing when you went down on me and you didnt fucking do anything? i know you knew i was not okay. do you remember when i told you i wasnt okay with being dominant because i was forced into it in a Serious Abusive relationship? yeah and you continued to make me feel like shit about not pleasing you. you made jokes about me fucking you and it was uncomfortable as hell. why would i stay with you for sex if you made me feel like shit every time i actually tried to fuck you? you made jokes about how bad i was and i have no stamina. i cant fucking help not being able to do things because of trauma. i. have. ptsd. i in no way compare you to a****** and you fucking know that but you continue to act like i demonize you. you pressured me into sex, you made me feel like shit when we had sex, you embarrassed me about it outside the bedroom when i begged you not to, you manipulated me into feeling like shit all the time, and now youre just talking shit about me. i havent made one post about you since i put those reciepts on instagram. also stop trying to excuse the fact you put your fucking hands on me. "gently pushed" my ASS. you thought it was wolfgang so you were rough. i opened my arms to come hug you, i was a good length away, you couldve said "dont touch me". but yoh know what you did? you shoved me and then said "dont. touch me." not to mention the fact that you literally did punch me in the crotch just a few days ago. "it was a joke" OK. that doesnt exchse it. it wasnt light, it wasnt playful. you know i fucking flinch when you even throw the ball for my dog. excuse me for being fucking scared. why do you try to make me feel like shit even after this is over? i told you in the end i wanted you to be happy. and i genuinely mean that. i hope you find someone you dont have to abuse and blame. i hope you realize what yohve done. "i self harmed because of you" bull shit. i didnt self harm for fucking months until April, now. i went to cutting like three times a week because i felt like shit because of what IVE done. you made me feel like ive done shit wrong. "out of context reciepts" my ass. He guided me through our conversations, and She read through them. they both say the same shit i do. last night, with one of OUR friends, one youre graduating with, said "i knew he was abusing you. i saw it from the beginning". i used to fucking love you and adore you. i know im not good at showing it but i gave up because having you over all the time, buying you food and other misc things, cuddling you, making out, having sex, writing you letters every week, drawing you shit, none of that was enough. you barely ever thanked me for the shit i did either. i spent hundreds of dollars on you, wait no, i wasted it. im sorry i was never good enough for Aiden Standards. i talked so highly of you for so long. but recently you know its gotten bad. i dont know what i did to make you hate me so much, you still dont tell me. none of the shit you say makes sense. see right now, im not blaming my mental illness on shit, as you are. bpd isnt an excuse to harm people. you say you became evil because i was your fp and you stole my personality. when was i ever fucking evil? i didnt treat you the way you treated me. maybe two years ago to the time we talked in early 2016, i was bad to you. i admit that. i tell you im sorry all the time. i didnt know any better. all ican do is apologize because yeah i do feel like shit about it. i didnt treat anyone right and its because i didnt know how to act. im rude to people still to this day because i dont know how else to show people my affection. im not good with communication, affection or empathy. every time i show a single symptom of being autistic, you use it against me. fuck you. nothing i do is ever going to be good enough, oh i am so so sorry dear king aiden, i am not a good enough prince for you. eat shit dude. i did things wrong but i didnt abuse you. im never going to lie that ive been manipulative but i apologize for it and try to fix it. ive never intentionally tried to hurt you. unlike youve done to me. you cant ever deny it, i have plenty of examples. not that im going to tell you though, as weve both blocked each other on everything. youre a terrible person, aiden. ive done everything i can for you. one day youre going to find someone you dont have to treat like shit. we dont even talk anymore but you vague me on your blogs as if im the abuser. im happy without you. oliver would never treat me the way you treat me. they would never put their hands on me. they wouldnt ever try to manipulate me or make me feel like shit. yeah a lot of this is on me for being sensitive but you dont know the extent of shit ive gone through. and i dont know yours either, but i dont push (haha) you like youve pushed me (haha). why are you even here? why are you reading this? i check on your blogs because surprise surpise i care about you and i always have. im not stalking you, i just want to make sure YOURE Ok, even after all this time. i hate you, but i care about you. no matter how shitty you are. fuck you. fuck you. nobody can deny how awful you are. the only person to ever excuse your actions is my mom but guess what? she fucking abuses me too. fuck you.

#lms #abuse 838 #self harm 256 #self harm 994

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thoughts-of-the-unheard · 4 years

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2018 end of year banquet day and lead up to it

with two posts in a row like about sean and last one mentioning the end of year banquet I reminded myself of the 2018 end of year banquet which is quite possibly the best day of my life so far

its important to note that it was a very rainy summer and I only had one pair of sneakers and one pair of shower shoes

since it was so rainy and its a scout camp not a resort camp kinda thing there were huge puddles everywhere which the kids loved but I had to walk through several large puddles several times a day to get to the nature lodge and remember, I only have sneakers so I ended up getting trench foot (2018s thing, every year has a health thing) and me being me I didn't do anything about it except eventually start limping bc it hurt too much otherwise but my last work project the day before the end of year banquet day was my aunt (lake director at the time) and I carrying the fire stations (essentially 2x4 basket holding a rake, a shovel, and a bucket or two) from campsites to the trails and I got to the last one before I couldn't ignore it anymore so im 5′2″ barely 110lbs and the fire stations were pretty darn heavy so I couldn't limp for fear of breaking my ankle or smth so I walked normally but it hurt so much that when I set it down I cried and it took a bit for me to stop and explain what was happening so my aunt took me to the health officer and he told me what it was and what I had to do and I got to shower in the health lodge (which was amazing bc while the staff showers are clean enough they are nothing compared to the health lodge shower that also had hot and cold handles instead of the preset temp six second buttons that the staff showers and pool house showers have) but I had to keep my feet dry and clean so I had to stay in the dining hall all day the next day to set up for the banquet

banquet day which I did but I was getting a little stir-crazy stuck in dhall all day when camp is my only freedom and im so used to being outside and working there so my brain was a little confused like yo this is camp not school I shouldn't be stuck in one building for half my day so when we needed more lights from hart lodge I literally jumped at the opportunity to leave it was drizzling when I left the dining hall but hart lodge is like five minutes away and there was supposed to be a work crew there that could let me in but I took the road bc its shorter and flatter instead of the trail and the crew mustve taken the trail at the same time bc when I got there, no one was around and like I said I was going a little stir-crazy earlier and felt like I needed to do smth wild so I came to the conclusion to break into hart lodge to get the lights instead of walking five minutes to get someone with the keys to just let me in and no one was around so I was think aloud and the moment I decided to just break in, it started to pour and I mean that seems like a sign to not do it right well I was going to anyway and not too long after I started to try, my boss (the favorite adult) and another co-worker showed up bc they needed smth from hart lodge and they had the keys so they let me in and I returned to dhall soaking wet (in a white t-shirt and my boss told my aunt cause he was a little concerned with my attire as a young girl essentially wearing a see through shirt surrounded by a bunch of teen boys and she came to me about it saying he was concerned and I didn't even realize bc I didn't know what I looked like it hadn't occurred to me but im glad I don't get embarrassed easily) to string the lights and finish everything there and when all work projects were done, we had some free time before the banquet so I told sean, my bsf, that I wanted to break into hart lodge and seans down to do anything so we go to hart lodge to break in but we didn't plan ahead we just had whatever was on us which wasnt much at all (it was staff week so we didn't have to wear class b so I was in a t-shirt and exercise shorts with no pockets so the only thing I had on me was my spider knife clipped to the hem of my shorts) our first thought was to walk up the roof of the basement that conveniently started a few inches from the ground (its on a hill) and try to get into one of the windows from there but that didn't work now admin was going through some things and the interim camp director had done a cleansing of hart lodge which previously was just a big place for whatever needed storing and that cleansing brought out a lot of stuff to sit in front of the lodge until we got the big metal trash box the next day so I grabbed a plastic crate to put on top of a wooded chest I had rolled down earlier to a single floor outset room with a lower roof than the rest of the building that was three floors and it got me like three feet higher but before I could figure out how to actually get on the roof from there, sean made me get down see our relationship is that he’ll make me get down from the crate on top of the chest so I don't hurt myself and then two minutes later place me in a puddle when im getting over trench foot and eventually we gave up trying (though I don't think sean ever really tried to break in bc I fully believe he could with no trouble, I think he just came along bc I was excited about trying) and we sat in the west qm shed which is actually the wood shed and we talked for a while now you might've noticed I said banquet day but I haven't talked about the banquet don't worry, its coming faster than you think as it did for us because as we sat in the shed, we heard the drums for evening colors so evening colors is the daily ceremony where we lower the flags before dinner and colors is in class a and the banquet, a very important and quite formal event, is also in class a and the drums are camp band signifying the start of colors and if u remember, sean and I arent even in class b and we had no idea what time it was bc neither of us had a watch or our phones but colors is starting so we got up and bolted to the staff site to change and class a is supposed to be sneakers or boots with bsa socks, bsa shorts or pants, bsa belt, any scout shirt, and a specific bsa shirt buttoned over that with the shirts tucked in and everything neat (and most camp staff girls do smth nice with their hair) and neither of us had any of that on and the girls cabin is a quarter mile from the rest of camp so I kept a bag in seans shack with my shower stuff and class a and anything else I might need during to day so I don't waste time going back to korman so we speed changed (yes I am a girl, yes sean is a boy, yes we changed in front of each other, no we didn't stripe to do so, no were not dating, no we wont be, were just close friends who were rushed and comfortable enough with each other) (but that's really frowned upon so if bsa asks this was a piece of creative writing) (think for legal reasons, this is a joke) and we sprinted to the wall for colors and halfway there sean said he forgot his belt and turned around to get it, he did not end up on the wall for colors but I went out a stood at the end, next to my director (my boss, favorite adult) who questioned why I was late so its a good thing sean decided not to get on the wall next to me bc the majority of camp staff was already convinced we were fucking even though I was dating someone else who was also at camp (ha ha part of the reason I broke up with him was bc he was jealous of sean though I only know him bc of sean and he was jealous of some of my other guy friends at camp though male staff outnumbered female staff that year like 6 to 1 so idk what he was expecting but anyway were close friends now so its chill) but we ended up sitting together at the banquet and I don't really remember what we ate but after eating, a co-worker put a Styrofoam bowl full of whipped cream onto my directors head (I feel like I cant call him my boss in this situation bc while he is my boss, his boss and his boss’s boss were also present) now my director was in the middle of a conversation with one of the important camp guests and while covered with whipped cream, he shook the other mans hand and said ‘it was nice talking to you, if youll excuse me...” and bolted after the co-worker who ran out the door now both of these men are like 6 foot 200 lbs and they don't often run so ofc all of staff followed and they tousled for a bit then kinda got over it and when we all walked back in, the spring had torn from the door so sean got up to get screws and a drill and fix it in the meantime, my director retaliated with two cans of whipped cream directly in the co-workers hair see when my director got hit, he easily wiped it off bc he shaves his head weekly but the co-worker has lots of bushy hair that whipped cream likes to stick to and by the time sean finished with the door, his seat was taken as well as all the other seats at our table so we shared a seat as he ate a bowlful of blocks of butter (much to my protests) and we watched the video of the year and the award giving portion of the banquet began now the co-worker who “pied” my director tried again but on the camp commissioner instead who was the sweetest, most adorable person but he failed as my director stepped seemingly out of nowhere and at the last second, slapped the whipped cream bowl into the co-workers face the rest of the banquet continued without interruption which wasnt hard as it ended soon after which brings us to the post-banquet staff swim its supposed to be a surprise to first years but someone usually forgets and they all find out anyway but it goes like this we take everything out of our pockets and some people take off their socks and shoes and all the staff climb up on the wall we stand on for colors (its like four inches at the lowest and four feet at the highest) and I love standing at the highest part because we get called by how many years weve been on staff and you jump off the wall and race across the parade field to the open gates of the pool and jump in, in class a and we all swim around for a bit playing I have your hat which is an imitation game where someone calls out “I have ___’s hat” and tosses it and whoever catches it, imitates that person theyre usually really funny but occasionally someone says smth that doesn't make sense but no ones mean and its really nice then we showered and hung out for a bit before going back to korman to sleep

the end

ps I was going to write a post after this on the 2019 banquet but now its like 4:30am and that's a good time to go to sleep so I might write about it tmw

pps I really said “if bsa asks this was a piece of creative writing” talking about changing in front of a friend when I spent 17 lines beforehand on breaking into a bsa building and didn't even think that that might be something that's also frowned upon, perhaps more

#theres so much going on I don't know what to tag #summer camp #end of year banquet #shananagins #fun times #best day of my life #so far #best friend #wild

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maritabaptiste2-blog · 6 years

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natural hairy pussy photos - Eight Stylish Ideas For Your Women With Hairy Cunts

Also, hot milf with hairy pussy I am a drinker so sue me, I cant always remember exactly what we said to each other so I made it a little bit up, but the level of flirtaciousness and banter was same. Shit, he looked good tonight, I thought. But then again he always looks good. I cheated so if you arent into that sort of thing look away. He has piercing blue eyes and very short light brown hair. *This story is entirely true, except details are taken out to make it more vague for obvious reasons. I could see his eyes light up as he saw me and I could tell mine were doing the same. I thought to myself about how much I wanted him, wanted to feel his weight on top of me and feel his cock in my mouth, and I started to fantasize as the rest of the room our friends disappeared. Wearing a well fitted blue and white button-up shirt and levis that were just tight enough to see a slight bulge if you stared long enough (I always did). Camden is tall at 6'2 or 6'1, and while not incredibly muscular, is very fit and strong looking. But just as he past through the doorway to enter the apartment I saw Katie follow, and it brought me back to earth and I stepped back into reality. We made eye contact and held it for a little too long, like we tend to do. Right, Katie, he has a girlfriend, her name is Katie, and there she is, pretty, oblivious Katie. The reality of the situation I'm in is this: Camden and I are at a friends house, drinking and having a good time, with our own significant others. He broke into a cute wide smile, the one that makes me melt every time. Also have never posted on reddit before so no idea how the formatting works. It's not that we've discussed this at length. But the only thing we are thinking about is each other. But the temptation is overwhelming and we definitely have crossed some lines with our inappropriate conversations in the past. Oh, and Chris, I have a boyfriend, a wonderful, attractive boyfriend, who is standing right next to me. I think the lines started becoming blurred woman with hairy cunts 2 months ago, about 3 months after I first met him. We've technically never crossed any lines sexually. The morning of the concert, Sean backed out because of some Tinder date, and Chris last minute bailed on me because of a work outing he had forgotten about. *2 months ago, before he started dating Katie, 4 of us were supposed to go to a concert in the city we lived near. Before the show started we decided to grab a beer at the bar next store. "Nah I'm not going to tell you that," he said looking away. "Heres to us, for actually making it to this concert unlike those losers," Camden chuckled as he clinked my beer with his. We chatted innocent for about a half hour about all sorts of things, work and music mostly, but we were also flirting shamelessly. Soon the conversation turned to Camdens most recent luck in the dating world and we started talking about all the girls he had had sex with recently. " Camden smiled bashfully and took another swig of beer. "Give me a break, I go on at least 3 dates a week, sometimes 4! *Last night I looked towards the door to the apartment as he walked in. Is it that unrealistic to imagine I manage to get some of them in bed? " "Alright just tell me! " He laughed, god I love his laugh. Me, Chris, Camden, and Sean. Let me guess at least. " I looked him straight in the eye and rested the palm of my hand on his arm. Camden and I figured we may as well not waste the tickets and went together. I like to picture you with all of them. Our conversations usual turned sexual, but this was more flirting that we normally did. Weve been together for almost 4 years now..." I caught his gaze and bit my lip, mostly unintentionally, "besides, I think its hot how many girls you fuck. You are incredibly sexy. Its been so long since I've been with anyone but Chris. I loved how I couldn't make him nervous like I could with other guys. Sometimes I would touch myself at home and imagine him fucking all those girls in all different ways. Ive also been told I'm pretty attractive. " I could hear myself crossing the line but I couldn't help it, I get this animal urge every time I see him. Guys have always been nervous around me because of the overtly sexual vibe I tend to give off sometimes. *He laughed again, confidently, and stared back into my eyes. At 5'6 130 pounds, I'm slender but not a stick. I have wide set hips and small C boobs, but a flat stomach and slender arms. I have very long blonde-brown hair that is thick and parts on the side. What I said was true, too, I loved thinking about how many girls he sleeps with. Most girls would probably think it's gross to sleep around. I bet you were a complete freak when you were single. What are you doing with Chris again? "Not even a little bit repulsive. But back to the story, that's just to paint the picture of why guys I meet are almost always into me from first glance, and why they usually get pretty nervous when I talk openly about sex. *He looked at me excitedly, "Oh yeah, you like that? My butt is my favorite asset, it's plump and shapely but not too big. *"I like being with Chris because he knows exactly what I want. We continued to eye-fuck each other as the conversation went on about our sex lives for a few more minutes. Its that I cant imagine being with that many people in a week is all. I like to be roughed up, called names, spit on, slapped, and I couldn't guarantee that a new guy could handle those requests. I like that you like that. I could feel my pussy heating up and getting swollen, and was nervous that my face was turning red at the same time. Should you have any questions relating to wherever and how to work with hot girls hairy pussy, it is possible to e-mail us at our own page. " he said as he playfully pinched my waist. " he said as he grabbed me by the hand and led me through the packed room. "Oh I bet you could," I said bashfully. " Camden said matter-of-factly. we got about 15 feet from the stage and stopped. He let me squeeze in front of him since he is taller. God, no guys ever make me nervous like that. Once the band we came to see came on, we stopped talking and started dancing. "Are you blushing, Rachel? Our sexual tension was at a high, thanks to the heated conversation we had earlier and that as we danced we could feel each others bodies rubbing against one another on the crowded venue floor. *When we got in the venue it was dark and crowded. His dick had gotten hard and it turned me on like crazy. "OK OK, let's finish these drinks so we can get to the concert," I said as I chugged my beer and put my finger in the air to signal the bartender. *After the concert we shared an uber back to our apartments, dropping me off first. Still, I pretended to be oblivious to his hard-on and danced my ass off, directly into it. We continued on like this the entire concert, and my pussy ached with desire the whole time. I wanted to grab it and feel it in my hand, but I had a boyfriend and my drunk-brain thought that I was still being a loyal girlfriend as long as I didn't grab it with my hand. He started to touch my thigh, which was exposed as my skirt rode up my legs in the car, he touched it pretending he was accidentley drunkenly swaying his arm into me over and over again. I looked into his eyes and could feel the heat coming off of both our bodies. We no longer needed to talk dirty to feel the attraction we had for each other, I could feel his attraction rubbing against my ass. But then I got control and pictured Chris at home, drunk from his work outing, waiting for me. "Want to come over for a drink? I looked at his lips and willed them to kiss mine, desperate to feel him on me. "I want to, you know I want to. " he said as innocently as he could just before the uber made it's first stop at my place. " "Right, sure, yeah of course," he said as if shaking himself back to reality the same way I did. My boyfriend and I fucked that night and it was dirty and amazing. *The next day I felt so much guilty for wanting Camden so much that I decided to distance myself from him a little. " "Just horny," I said casually as if I didn't know exactly what got into me. At one point afterwards we were both out of breath and Chris said "holy shit, what got into you tonight? Because of how packed it was in there, my ass was pushed right up against his crotch, which we pretended to ignore as we carried on a light-hearted conversation over the opening act. I squeezed his arm as I opened the door to the uber. But I need to go home Camden. For the next month every time I knew he was coming out with the group, I would stay home, claiming I was not in the mood to go out. "Good," I thought, "maybe this will make me want him less". *This brings us to last night, and lo and behold him having a girlfriend did not help me get over him. I heard about it through Chris, and was actually relieved. Still, the reality check only lasted about 45 seconds. "See ya," I said as I hopped out of the car and went up to my wonderful, kind, attractive boyfriend. Then, a wave of excitement came over me. Tall, taller than me, long bright blonde hair down to her waist, very slim. As I saw her follow him into Sean's apartment to greet us all, I tried to come back to reality and think about Chris standing beside me. "This is Katie, I think you are really going to like her, you are a lot alike," Camden said grinning ear to ear. I went in to shake Katie's hand but she came right in and kissed me quickly on the lips. I went up to them and Camden gave me a big hug. Camden talks about you all the time, if I didnt know any better I'd be worried about you. "He's just trying to make you jealous. I imagined them fucking and it got me so hot. It was during this month that Camden started seeing Katie. " *The party carried on and we all got drunker and drunker. But more surprisingly Katies presence didnt make jealous or make me give up on him, instead it just made me want both him and her. " I blushed and lightly hit Camden in the arm, playfully. The boyfreind and I mingled separately and together since we dont need to be neer each other all the time. Surprisingly, Katie didn't mind at all. She played right along with it and shared in our sense of humor and flirtiness. At one point I complimented her on her shirt and touched in gently, somewhat close to where her breast was. As I did that Camden grabbed my hand and pushed it further into Katies boob, so that I kind of groped her. "Aren't her tits great Rach? Normally I consider myself a straight girl, but for the right girl I do get naughty thoughts I admit. I saw her pictures on his instagram account and she sure was a cutie. At one point during the party I was talking with Katie and Camden for a long time. I gave him a sultry look and said "Oh really, would that turn you on? Don't worry about him. Camden and I had our usual flirty banter and while I was trying to keep it kid friendly, its hard to around him. Chris, my boyfriend, had made his way into a bedroom with Sean and some others, likely having some long discussion about who knows what. There were about 8 people in the living room but the music was loud, and people had broken off into smaller groups and weren't paying any attention. You should give them a better feel," Camden said. " "Fuck yeah it would," Camden said as he shot me that grin that makes my pussy ache. He laughed and Katie and I rolled our eyes and giggled. I reached out and gently started feeling Katie up. They felt even bigger than they looked. The party had gotten quite loud and it was pretty clear that no one was listening in on our conversation. Wow she really did have great tits. I looked over and Camden was smiling the biggest smile ever. Katie let out a big laugh and started feeling me up. Then she looked at me in a way that I could tell she was about to kiss me. To see me touching your girlfriend like that? I leaned in a bit to invite her in, and she playfully began teasing my lips with hers, pulling away every once in a while before we could full on make out. *I giggled and finally grabbed her by the neck and kissed her. Our tongues danced for about 30 seconds and I almost forgot Camden was even there. Now, I should say, my boyfriend is not opposed to me kissing other girls, he loves it actually, but I know that he would want me to do it for HIM, not while he's in another room not watching, and definitely not for Camden. I bit Katies lip and we parted and both looked at Camden. I looked over my shoulder to see what kinda privacy we had. He was touching both of us and I finally saw a look of nerves on his face that I was never able to get out of him before. But at this point in the night I was drunk, Katie was hot, and I was so into Camden that the idea of turning him on by making out with his girlfriend seemed to be the right choice. I grabbed Camden and Katie by the hands and led them to the room closest to us. I didnt shut the door fully cuz I wanted to be able to hear what was going on outside the room. *I knew that Chris was in one of the bedrooms with some people and if I know their deep conversations, I knew they werent gonna coming out any time soon. He seemed nervous but excited. *"Can I tell you something? She was a great kisser. 30 seconds in I could feel Camdens hand on my waist, lightly. I decided right then that I needed to have him. I imagine your cock in my mouth. You two are so hot," he said as he rubbed his hands on our waists and down to our asses. I imagine you fucking other girls and how hot you must look when you come. In order to keep Katie involved and make it not seem like it was about me, I said before anyone else could talk "OK I want to see you to together. " He looked down at Katie and they started making out as I stroked their arms and chests. " *He started rubbing me up and down and then adjusted his hardon in his pants. " Camden said "I always thought you were just fucking with me when you flirted. We stared at each other for a few seconds and I could tell he wanted me. This was it, I thought. After a few minutes they came up for air. The anticipation was getting to me, it HAD been getting to me for months now, ever since I first met him. "Sometimes, when I play with myself, I dream about you and what you are like in bed. I looked at his lips and before I could think another thought he leaned down and parted my lips gently with his tongue. " Camden squeezed my arm and got the most surprised look in his eyes. I aggressively kissed him back as we began to ravage each other. fireworks went off in the room the second our tongues touched. " I said over and over. Before I knew it my shirt and bra were on the floor. I was panting and moaning just from making out, that's how much he turns me on. I ripped her shirt off and fumbled with her bra until Camden was able to snap it. *After a while I couldn't take it anymore, I had gone this far, I had to see his cock. I grabbed Katie and started kissing her again to distract me from how much I wanted to fuck her boyfriend. Katie and I already kissed, Camden and Katie already kissed, were Camden and I going to get to kiss finally? " Camden nodded quickly and we backed him up until we got to the futon in the bedroom we were in. or maybe I was just excited. Those are harder to unfasten when it isnt your own bra! " I said, mostly to Camden, but obviously Katie was there too, rubbing both of us slightly. He fell back onto the futon and started unzipping his pants. Katie and I started rubbing it, admiring it. I stopped kissing Katie and said "So what do you think, can Katie and I suck your cock? I finally was able to grab and touch it and holy shit, it was better than I expected. Soon, Katie took his length in her mouth and started bobbing up and down and I licked and sucked his balls gently. I pushed him away because I didn't know how to handle the intensity of how turned on I was. While his dick was probably just your average dick, in the moment it felt and looked like the most best thing I ever seen. I went further down than his balls, almost to his ass, but didn't want to push too far because I dont know what he would be into. I love to be face fucked so I was in heaven. He grabbed my head as I was deep throating him. When I saw his bulge through his boxer briefs my pussy got so wet and began throbbing. We then traded and I deep throated him as she licked his balls. I went in first and licked the head, gently flicking it with my tongue. He started fucking my mouth wicked fast and I started gagging. Katie and I both started licking the length of his cock, and every time we reached the head we would kiss a bit and let our tongues intertwine and then lick back down the shaft. So now my eyes were watering and I was gagging but I didn't care, he is so hot. He came in both of our mouths getting some on our faces as he moved between mouths. *Eventually, an hour or so later, Chris came out of the room he was in with those people and said, "Rach, its late, lets hed out. I looked up and saw Camden staring down at us with the happiest look on his face. He asked me if I had fun at the party and apologized for being in the room so long, "we started getting into politics and philosophy and I didn't even notice the time. The guilt is setting in now but I am going to think about that night for a long, long time. " We stopped and I told Katie to open her mouth and stick out her tongue and I did the same. Katie and I got on our knees and helped him take off his pants. " "It's cool, I kept busy," I said nonchalantly as I pictured Camdens amazing cock shooting a huge rope of come into my mouth. we are early 20s and hes going away to a grad school next fall and i dont plan to leave my home city. **also want to say, not that this makes it better, but chris and i will break up eventually. He tried to stop the blowjob and said that we could all fuck, but Katie was nervous about all hairy pussy sex pictures having sex and I also thought that was the last line that I shouldnt cross, so we continued to suck and lick and slobber all over him for about 5 more minutes until he said "fuck, I'm going to come. We got up off our knees and cleaned up a bit and went back out to the party, trying to seem unsuspicious. again doesnt make the cheating better but in a way maybe it helps because its gonna end anyways flutesandhoes Before she had a chance to swallow I grabbed her face and kissed her swapping the come that was in my mouth for hers.

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samanthasroberts · 6 years

Text

The Great Dying: Happiness Comes on Day Five

My family has come to Hawaii.

Hawaii, like an aging model, is still gorgeousjust sometimes in a fragile, wasted way.

My parents were here a long time ago; they came on their honeymoon, back in the Old World times. They bought a hotel-and-airfare package to Honolulu. They went scuba diving in the coral reefs and touched real rays and even one dolphin, they said.

Of course thats not an option anymore, but you can snorkel all you like in fiberglass reefs stocked with colorful farmed parrotfish and now and then a robot shark.

I love the parrotfishs bulgy, fat lips.

Lydia Millet

About

Lydia Millet is an American novelist and conservationist. Her third novel, My Happy Life, won the 2003 PEN Center USA Award for fiction, and she has been a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize as well as a Guggenheim fellow. Her newest novel for young readers, The Bodies of the Ancients, comes out in January. The Great Dying is adapted from her YA book Pills and Starships, published by Akashic.

Back then, they ate at restaurants with views of sparkling aqua-blue bays; they went to luaus and drank fancy drinks with paper umbrellas. (We still have those; some of them have my parents names printed on them, from a honeymoon party that was held for them. robert & sara, says the faded writing, hawaii, may 2068.) They took small trips to the other islands, even the one that used to be a leper colony.

These days Honolulu and most of Oahu are seawall and salty aquifers and long, long blocks of abandoned buildings.

But they wanted Hawaii anyway. They were nostalgic. So this time we came to the Big Island, where were staying in a hotel with a view of Mauna Kea. Ive seen pictures of it from way back when, white at the top and majestic. Theres never snow anymore, even at 14,000 feet, but the volcano still looms.

Its just the four of us: my mother and my father, my little brother, and me. Its the four of us here for our last week.

A week is the period the companies usually suggest, once you finalize dates. Any longer and customers can get morbid, or even, if they decide to refuse their pharma, hysterical. And then the whole thing collapses. Any shorter and theres not enough time for good-byes.

My parents arent even that old. My mother had me in her late sixties, and two years later she had Samand though theyre vigorous and healthy on a physical level, on an emotional level theyve decided theyre done.

This would be harder without the training we did at home, without the pharma regimen they have us on. Even with those tools its still intense and vibrant, and everything seems inflected with meaning. Cursed with meaning, almost. Meaning attaches itself to everyday objectstoothbrushes, swimsuits, dangly earrings. Here in the hotel suite, I look at these normal items and everything seems like it portends something.

We just got here and already were on the brink of tears at times, or at least my mother and I are. My father and Sam are trying to act stoic, though now and then I catch one of their hands or a bottom lip trembling.

Meanwhile the edges of objects glow, blur, and fade as I look at them. They all seem permeable or aliveas though the aliveness of objects is there to compensate for my parents being ready to die.

I dont think its the pharma thats doing it, either. Sam and I arent even on a full pill regimen yet. On Day Four well have the option of a powerful tranquilizing blend: Thats Good-Bye Day. They like the contract holders to have their memories intact to say good-bye, because the fifth days pharmathe last pharmacauses forgetfulness. It brings on a long-term memory loss that wipes all memories associated with trauma, so they go out happy.

Happiness comes on Day Five.

Its early afternoon. My parents and my brother have gone out for a walk, and from the balcony of our suite I can see them strolling, their light clothes flapping in the breeze off the ocean, on a trail along the high jagged bluffs.

They carry umbrellas that protect them from the sun but also hide their faces from me. They could be anyone.

The bluffs were well engineered and have been planted to look wild, in a fake way. There are scrubby bushes from the desert, South American cacti and Chinese beach roses (according to the brochure) and even, now and then, dune grasses and sand. They hide the concrete seawall beneath the artificial bluffs so that you dont have to remember where you are or whenso you can almost forget youre not in Old Hawaii. Forget, in other words, that youre living at the tiny tail end of the fire-breathing dragon of our history.

The company my parents chose is a midsize outfit that likes to boast how it hires locals. So our rep, when it came down to it, was a lady my mother had once played golf with.

My mother isnt the golf type at all, by the way. She barely knows how to play, but one time she competed in a small-golf game for charityits mostly small golf these days, unless you have huge money to throw away on travel to one of the big courses, plus water-use finesand because she had a good sense of humor, at least till recently, she was basically the comic relief, I think.

But that one day was when she first met the rep, Jean.

Jean showed up at our apartment a couple of months ago, in the hour before dinnertime when we usually hang out together and talk about our day and stuff. The four of us were drinking cocktails in the living room. Being 15, Sam doesnt drink that much yet, but my mother had offered him a junior can of wheat beer.

And there she was at the doora compact, middle-aged woman from the 10th floor, frosted hair, braided wedge heels. Id seen her in the elevator once or twice.

This is Jean, said my mother softly. Jean, these are our children, Nat and Sam.

My name is Natalie, but I go by Nat.

The woman smiled and sat down and looked at us with a gentle but still oddly businesslike expression.

Your parents thought it might be good to have me here is how she started in.

Sam looked up right away. Hed been reading off his device.

Youre service, he said flatly.

I do work with a service company, said Jean.

She didnt miss a beat and didnt seem awkward; she had a forthright attitude without being domineering.

Youre the counselor, or whatever they call them, said Sam.

Im coordinating the personal aspect of outreach, conceded Jean.

On the contract we purchased recently, put in my mother, soft-voiced. Mine and your fathers.

Sam picked up his beer and drank most of the rest of it, a flush rising on his skin.

I had been sitting at the bay window, looking out over the garden. Our apartment complex was nice, with trees and water features and little striped chipmunks, because chipmunks always poll higher than squirrels.

Anyway, I liked to drink and take in the view.

But then, without really noticing my own movement, I turned so I was facing the room, my back against the view of the trees. In the pit of my stomach was a heavy new stone. At the same time my arms and legs felt light and liquid, like the bones in them had softened.

Why didnt you tell me? was the thing I said.

Were telling you now, sweetheart, said my mother, coming to sit beside me on the ledge. She put one arm around my shoulders. Its all according to schedule. The timing is what they recommend.

They encourage the parents not to get emotive when theyre disclosing. It only makes things worse. So my mother sat there next to me, her arm on my shoulders light, keeping a kind of professional attitude. With her free hand, she shook the cubes in her glass and raised it to drink.

My father stood facing us all with his tumbler of whiskey. His face bore a kind, bemused expression, as it used to when Sam or I would cry and he had no idea how to stop it.

You can still take it back, said Sam, with a kind of hurt urgency. Please, MomDad! Take it back!

Honey, said my mother, we dont want to. Or maybe a better way to say it is that we weve lived for you two ever since the tipping point, sweetheart. Youve been whats kept us going.

The tipping point was when we couldnt do anything more to stop the planets runaway warming. There were feedback loops in the climate system, like the albedo effect and water vapor increase in the atmosphere and plankton die-off in the oceans. So even though wed stopped emitting so much carbon and methane, we couldnt stop the seas or the temperature from rising. At least for a few centuries.

Both of you are practically grown up, said my mother. And when it comes right down to it, you dont really need usnot in the day-to-day sense. You think you do, maybe. But we know deep down that you can take care of yourselves. And you will.

You cant say what were feeling, said Sam, shaking his head. Only what you are.

It helps, for peace of mind, said Jean to Sam, if you keep argumentation for later. During this encounter, this time of disclosure, weve found that what allows for peacefulness is just listening.

Fuck listening! said Sam.

He was bright redlike someone had dealt him two slaps, one on each cheek.

And really, went on Jean calmly, as though he hadnt said anything, theres no rush here. Theres plenty of time. Remember, all contracts are voidable right up until the end. So theres absolutely nothing to make you nervous.

She didnt mention what we all knew: that theres a stiff financial penalty for last-minute cancellations. She didnt need to. My parents knew a couple whod canceled just five hours before their contract was about to start, but at that point it cost like 90 percent of the full price. And they ended up buying a new contract a couple of months later. That meant less money for the survivorsa tainted legacy.

But youre doing so well, begged Sam, turning to my mother.

I felt frozen.

Youre doing really well, youve got your moods well stabilized lately, he added.

No, yeah, son, said my father. Well were not too bad off. Were not personally complaining. We feel so lucky, compared to lots of people. No question. And you knowits not any one big thing. You know? Its not a dramatic situation, theres no particular, exact catalyst here. But we feel like, for one, heywhy not quit while were still ahead? You know, leave while weve got our health. And theres still no impairment. We all saw how Mamie got after she passed 100.

Youll be all right. You have such great resilience, added my mother. Wewe think youre very strong.

Oh please, said Sam.

Try to see it from our point of view, my father said. When we were young, there were still big animals swimming all over the oceans. The rivers and the forests had all this life in them, not just the squirrels and pigeons. You could go anywhere in the worldwe drove a gas-burning car when we were young. We flew on huge airplanes. Whenever we wanted to!

My parents keep thinking, somehow, that one day well hear about how different the world used to be and for the first time well understand them.

But isnt the world always different for the kids than it was for the parents? Sure, maybe its more different now. We get it.

But this is the only world we ever knew.

For Old World people like us, you know, said my mother, weve had as much as we can take of seeing everything go away. And we dont think we can bear towhat happens if, if it keeps going how we think it will.

Of course, we hope and pray it wont, said my father staunchly, tossing back the last of his whiskey. We figure, go early, while everythingswhile theres still hope. You know.

But I knew what he wasnt saying: They couldnt stand to see our future. They couldnt stand to watch us struggle.

Its never an easy decision, put in Jean.

Not helpful, I thought.

But then, the companies put the counselors in the room partly to deflect the family members feelings. Or fears and tears, as they say.

Your mother is so tired, Sam, said my father. He was fiddling with a pile of black and green olives on a tray. The olives were stacked in a pyramid, like in a picture Id once seen of ancient cannonballs. They should have been a tipoff that this was a special occasion, so to speak, because olives arent the kind of food we get every day. We both are, if Im perfectly honest, he added.

We sat there for a while, not knowing what to say.

Eventually Jean suggested we take a walk outside, through the courtyards of the complex. Walks are popular with service companies. Low-cost momentum, I guess, and a natural mood boost.

So we prepared ourselves fresh drinks, mostly in awkward silence, and took them with us into the elevator. We gazed outside as the car descended.

The elevators in our complex are external and made of a shaded glass, so you can see the sky and then the buildings below it, and as you drop, the trees in the courtyard come up to meet you.

Down through the green canopy, down along the tree trunks. Finally we landed facing the rock gardens, the fountains and splashing waterfalls of perfectly reclaimed sewage.

What a nice evening, said my mother, and we looked up dutifully at the fading bands of red and yellow in the western sky.

One thing we do have, in the New World, is beautiful sunsets.

I think what put my parents over the edge was a trip they took a few months ago, a light-rail weekender to the place where my father grew up. It wasnt a coastal town in the strict senseit wasnt right on the beachbut it was on a river delta, maybe 20 miles from where the true coast used to be. When the first storm surges came that couldnt be stopped by seawalls, the town got an influx of coastal refugees. Wave after wave followed, though most of the people didnt stay. Back then they were migrating to places like Ogallala, with fertile land or thick forests. If you look at an old map animation, you can see the masses moving away from the coasts, inward and upward from New York and Florida, from Southern California and the dying cities of the desertLas Vegas and Phoenix, say. The animations look like storms or vast, sky-darkening flocks of birds.

Sometimes, at home, I take a mild mood softener, sit at my screen, and gaze at the animations dreamily. You can customize them to show whatever details you wantthe continent shrinking as the oceans rise plus the massive migrations. I also like to watch the building of the seawalls. You see the swamping of Cape Cod, the swallowing up of the Florida Keys. Islands all over the oceans contract to the size of pinheads, then vanish. You can zoom way out and watch the planet rotate, see the surges of ocean that followed the melting of the ice.

Theres something lovely about it, lovely like Eno or Mozart, thoughespecially without pharmait can be sad.

Anyway, my fathers hometown had been leveled by the waves of refugee camps. Nothing was left of the houses and gardens of his leafy street, the school he walked to holding his younger brothers hand, the swing sets and climbing gyms at the park where he played. All that was gonethe whole town had turned to tent cities and landfills and fields of composting toilets.

My dads baby brother died a while back, a do-it-yourself deal. He hated the service companies. So other than us, my dad has no family left.

For a while after that weekend trip, he and my mother were so quiet that sometimes we forgot they were there.

Before we left for Hawaii, my parents helped Sam and me move to a group facility for survivors who arent old enough to live alone. The two of us will go back there after the trip, to live for a few months till I turn 18.

Then, the morning we left, Sam and I picked them up to catch the boat that brought us here. That was the worst. The apartment where we had lived was bare. Their luggage stood in a neat row against the wall, small cases packed with only bedrolls, some toiletries, and a few clothes. It was a shock to see the sterile whiteness of what used to be home.

Well, said my mother, turning back to cast a glance at the empty living room as we were filing out the front door, good-bye, everything.

Sams coming up the path again toward the hotel building, so close hes almost beneath meI see the circle of his shiny white umbrella. My parents arent with him. I squint: I can still see the two of them, out at the edge of the cliff.

The oceans turning anoxic, scientists say. Its what happened 250 million years ago in the Great Dying, otherwise known as the P-T extinction eventthe biggest mass die-off in Earths history. And now its happening again. The seawaters turned more acid from the carbon its storing, so the ocean food chain has mostly collapsed. Big burps of methane are bubbling out of the water along the continental shelves.

Where there used to be corals and whales and sea lions and seahorses, now theres mostly bacteria and archaea and viruses. The odd school of mutated jellyfish. Plus the garbage vortex and the chemical streams.

But still, Mom and Dad stand at the edge of the bluff, their arms around each others waists, and look out over the faraway waves like anything could be therelike those waves might still be the glittering roof of a marvelous underwater country.

The Fiction Issue

Tales From an Uncertain Future

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Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/11/14/the-great-dying-happiness-comes-on-day-five/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/11/14/the-great-dying-happiness-comes-on-day-five/

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vitalmindandbody · 6 years

Text

If not my surname or my husband’s, could we announce our child after a New Zealand volcano?

Franki Cookney and her husband didnt much like one another surnames, so now theyre having a baby theyve decided to pick a brand-new one

When my husband, Rob, and I marriage last year, the question of what to do about our surnames just entered our debates. We are both scribes, so our epithets are on every piece of work we do. That we would save our own seemed a yielded. There was just one niggling doubt. What would happen if “were having” children?

I had always had considered that we would just protrude both our appoints on the birth credential, but I knew this didnt quite solve the problem. Whose name would go first? And which figure would end up being used?

We could use a double-barrel figure, but didnt feel our surnames, Cookney and Davies, gave themselves to hyphenation. Whichever guild you have selected, research results is clunky and we were reluctant to saddle a child with it.

We could have just choice whichever reputation clanged best with our baby first name. But in that scenario, one mother discontinues up not sharing a surname with their child and neither of us craved that. Plus, Id discovered too many tales of mothers being stopped at airport insurance because the identifies on their passports didnt parallel that of their children.

The traditional option of taking my husbands surname was never on the table. Fairly apart from the feminist principle of not was intended to renounce my identity for his, I wasnt keen on the refer. Rob supported this and was by no means offended. The tribulation was, he wasnt a fan of my mention either. Its only a bit unwieldy, he said. Its almost Cockney but not quite. Youre perpetually having to spell it out. We looked at our moms maiden identifies and our grandparents names but ever intent up back in the same plaza, feeling that it wasnt equal, that picking one back of the family over another wasnt fair.

We hit on the idea of taking a new identify about a year ago when before our wedding we went to write our wills. As we chit-chat to one of the solicitors, it transpired that he and his wife had done precisely this. Theres a fair bit of admin, but its good, it cultivates, he said , nodding decisively. Abruptly, it didnt seem so outlandish. This wasnt some childish uprising or bohemian pretentiousness, this was something advocates did!

We mooted it with acquaintances, who were largely unfazed. What appoint will you go for? was the thing they were most curious about. Good topic. Could we blend the letters of our identifies and develop something new, we speculated. Rolls were drawn: Dents, Cave, Devine, Kinsey, Dacovnicks Cookies? Nothing of them quite hit the mark.

As our bridal sucked nearer, we employed the name game on a back burner. But when I became pregnant three months later, “were in” forced to look at developments in the situation anew and decided to change tack. How about a plaza? I proposed. Somewhere weve visited that we enjoyed. A backpacking stint before we got married had left us with slew to choose from but most sounded fairly bizarre when attributed to a couple of ordinary Brits. Rob and Franki Tongariro owned any particular vigour, but mentioning yourself after a New Zealand volcano would be ridiculous. And Zhangjiajie might conjure recognitions of impressive Chinese mountains, but imagine having to incantation it every time you booked a hair appointment or called your internet provider. For a while Salento and Chaltn were on the inventory, after places in Colombia and Argentina. But we werent convinced we are to be able pull off the clearly Latino-sounding former and supposed the latter would result in a lifetime of rectifying people who pronounced it Charlton.

Then Rob said, What about Stone Town? The beautiful old-time town of Zanzibar City is where he had asked me to marry him. It instant appeared right. Stone was straightforward but significant. It seemed good with both our given name and after a few weeks of trying it on with other names would work well with almost anything we chose for our baby. It was perfect: a solid appoint( with possibilities for puns that was not misplaced on us) that felt like a constructive solution to our difficulty. We would prevent our original surnames for job and adopt this new family name for our personal lives.

By law, all you need to do to change your identify is, well, remained unchanged. Simply borrowing and using your brand-new reputation is enough. Informing your chronicles and registers, however, requires a document of proof such as a wedlock certificate or, in our case, a deed canvas. There is no official lane of acquiring a deed canvas. You can write one yourself employing free templates from the internet, but lack of clarity about the relevant procedures ensues in some institutions demanding an original certificate despite the fact that no such stuff dwells. You can either fight it out or you can do which is something we did and compensate 15 -2 0 for a company such as the Deed Poll Office to draw up the word on your behalf and publication and stomp it on watermarked article. Sacrificed the schedule of bodies and organisations you have to notify and the potential controversies over what constitutes an original certificate, this seemed a reasonable compromise.

Perhaps “its been” naive, but we didnt expect to meet with defiance. Uncertainty, perhaps. Intrigue, for certain. When it is necessary to getting married, we had trenched virtually every habit leading, prohibiting the wedding itself, and no one had interrogated us. Surely this too would be seen as a modern update on an outdated tradition. But where reference is announced our decided not to our families, the reaction was mixed.

Franki and Rob. Photograph: Christian Sinibaldi for the Guardian

While they understood our quandary, the common restraint was that the child would lose the connection to its family history. Try as I might, I cant understand this. To me, family history leads far deeper than ones call. Its in accordance with the rules we live, our values, the wisdom and shared know passed down through generations. It is part of the storytelling our mothers did and its in the floors we, more, “re going to tell” and the beliefs we will share.

Our springs are not in our figures, they are in our souls. My grandmother, whose surname was Jones, is important to me not because of her mention but because of her enjoy. My great-grandmother, a midwife I never even satisfied, let alone shared a figure with, forms a part of my gumption of identity. Why? Because of the acces my loving mother talks about her, because of the pictures she has coated in my head of that life, that family, that time.

Interestingly, the figure itself has also substantiated a sticking point, with a few people commenting that its digesting. Youre doing this really unusual thing but youve picked a really everyday figure, said one colleague, as though by doing something different “weve been” obliged to go the whole hog and call ourselves Rob and Franki Thundercats.

In fact, the accessibility of the call was something we concluded would help us sell the idea. It is about to change we were naive there, too. My mother, a former primary school teacher, insisted that someone called Stone would be pestered. Another relative described it as a dead weight of a name.

In my experience, boys will come up with nicknames no matter what. I wasted much of my school years known as Franki Cookie while my first name was regularly elongated to Frankenstein, Frankincense or Frankfurter.

Never tell people your identify picks in advance, advised one sidekick( too late ). Its as if telling beings in advance is inviting a exchange or consultation!

While my familys sensibilities apparently matter to me, I suspect she might be right. Ultimately, this is our decision, based on our requires, and I hope they will come to see it as a practical and positive move , not an reckless one.

Its almost impossible to get everyone on board, adviser another friend, who changed her surname by deed canvas in 2004. The meaning upset my grandma but my dad, her son, understood. When I wedded my husband, he took my appoint. Im still not sure two brothers was 100% behind us, but when we had our first son, he was the first to be born into our dynasty. Im so excited that we are the first in our tree!

This is exactly how I detect. I enjoy the relevant recommendations that our newborn will be born into this new, specially chosen and carefully thought-out last name. And if one day he or she decides to change it either to something new or to one of our old family names we will fully support that.

Even when you change names, lineage can still be traced and, if nothing else, I like to think we will be gazed back on as the ones who tried something new; who instead of obliging do with an unsatisfactory statu, remembered creatively about how to solve it. Thats a family bequest Im joyous with.