#i can't express my creativity the way i want to and that SUCKS i hate being stifled

[desnas]

it is literally infuriating wanting desperately to be able to draw. i've had an itch to create and illustrate for the past three weeks and i can't even do it because of how excruciating this wrist pain has become

#i feel really stupid and bad for taking so many commissions and then it all suddenly getting so much worse #i'm really grateful everyone has been so patient with me #and it's like i still intend to finish them #chipping away slowly until i can get this cyst on my wrist treated #but even beyond comms i just want to DRAW for the fun of it i miss being able to do it every day. i'm tired of living like this! #no wonder i've been so depressed and sad lately #i can't express my creativity the way i want to and that SUCKS i hate being stifled #anyways sorry for the long ass vent i'm just tired #might delete later #faye.txt

[flightyquinn]

AI Haters, Please Read to the End

I see people celebrating every time something bad happens in the AI art world, and that makes me very sad. Because I am partially colorblind, and have ADHD, clinical depression, and other health issues that I'm less comfortable talking about. Because I can't work, and rely on family for housing and government assistance to afford essentials. For someone like me, the barrier to entry on art is high. I'm never going to own a drawing tablet, I can't get professional lessons, my focus sucks to the point where it's hard to follow tutorials no matter how much I want to, and even if all of that could be sorted, my own eyes are against me.

But I still have ideas. I still have pictures in my head that want to get out. Characters that want faces, scenes that want to be expressed, and the like. I'm still creative. I just can't properly express that creativity. Nor can I pay someone else to express it for me. However, I can tell an AI what I'm trying to depict. I can tweak the settings, make small changes, spend hours on end generating and re-generating, tweaking and re-tweaking, and making small edits that are within my power to do, until I have a picture that satisfies my need to bring the thing in my head to life. That's not "stealing". It's not pushing a button and letting the computer do the work for me. That's me having my own ideas, and trying to use the tools at my disposal to turn them into something that other people can see.

Plus, there's one other thing I can do. This is a picture I generated with AI that I'm actually quite proud of.

And do you know why? Because it started as this.

I fed my terrible MSPaint rough as hell doodle into an AI, and told it what the picture was supposed to be. And I tried again, and again, and again, until I was able to refine the result into something that I was happy with - which took a whole lot more than just pressing the button again, let me tell you.

This is my idea, from start to finish, and my shitty art became something that actually looks halfway decent. Yeah, I'm aware of the wonkiness and AI jank. I know the jawline's weird, his eyes don't match, and there's something up with his ear. It's not perfect, but it's a whole lot better than what I could do on my own.

Look, when it comes to stopping the commercialization of AI art, I'm right there with you guys. Fuck corporations that want to replace their whole art department. Fuck people who want to impersonate other artists, or take commissions to turn someone's description of what they want into a prompt. Hell, fuck the people who take the first result they're given without trying to refine it at all!

However, I don't want AI to die. AI is an accessibility option. AI is a tool that lets me go from saying for years, "I wish I could have art of my first D&D character, I have so many fond memories of him." to having that one picture. It lets me stop stealing every time I want a character portrait for a new TTRPG that I'm starting up. Because you know what? I don't have the ability to be a "real artist", and I never will. There's too many barriers for entry.

...and my situation is mild compared to what some people have to deal with. Sure, there are people who find ways to make traditional art despite disabilities, but that's an exception. It could be the rule. Why shouldn't it be?

As far as "theft" goes, I have yet to hear one explanation of why it's okay to use references, but not AI, that didn't boil down to "it's different when we do it". And what about collage? Is a collage art, or is it "theft?" What about sculptural works that use reclaimed objects? They didn't create that. They just decided how it would be arranged. Hell, what about pieces like "The Fountain" for that matter? That's a big problem I have with all this hate. If you applied the same standards to other things as to AI, then there's a lot of things that currently are art we'd have to say aren't any more.

If you have a problem with AI, why not work to make it better, instead of trying to deprive people who rely on it for self-expression of a creative outlet?

#ai #ai art #ai artwork #art #creativity #creative expression #self expression #accessibility #ai is an accessibility tool #ai art is art #all art is art #art is subjective #everyone deserves to be creative #self expression should not be gatekept #i know i'm opening myself up to receive hate #this is a touchy subject #a lot of emotions involved #but i wanted to share my perspective #i won't be replying to responses

[clay-cuttlefish]

Forging ahead with 52. #19 to #38. It's so much.

#19

The Evil Skeets plot is great. According to the omnibus it was a very late change away from a generic broken-time story, and I can kinda see that with how some of the earlier evil Skeets behavior doesn't seem super purposeful, but it all works for me.

#20

Mostly spaceguy plot that I don't care much about. The fight's cool at least.

I have no idea what fan speculation was like at the time but the idea of Supernova Jason Todd conspiracy theories is extremely funny so I support the intentional red herrings here.

#21

I keep changing my mind on which storylines I like more as I go. How could I not love Natasha?

#22

Dr. Magnus is back! I wish him being bipolar was handled more sensitively, the whole "oh the medicine keeps me from going ~crazy~" thing is :/, but I'm willing to read it charitably as his own perspective because I like him. He's a psychotic DC character who's heroic and not spooky or magical, just a guy who really doesn't want to have another depersonalization episode and has some internalized sanism about it, it could be so much worse.

#23

I like that Vic's more jaded to the horrors he can't stop than Renee is. He's had a lot of time to get used to the idea he can't save everyone - back in his own book he would've thrown himself in harm's way just like she wants to, but he's gotten better at not starting fights he can't win.

Hate to give Geoff Johns credit for anything but "What the hell are you doing?" "Seeing if it's contagious." is really good.

#24

"We were both guilty of ignoring Ted" Pretty sure Booster nearly died because he dropped everything to help but okay.

Osiris is just a kid...

Introducing a First Nations hero just to kill him off and give his stuff to a white dude sucks.

#25

Alan's out of the spaceguy zone and doing his own thing.

Almost halfway and the threads are still only starting to link up.

#26

I cannot get enough of Vic and Renee being friends with the Black Marvels. It's very sweet!

Tot my friend Tot :)

This is just a nice moment for them.

#27

I'm very into how Evil Skeets is drawn. He manages to be expressive despite having no moving features, it's a good trick.

Ohhh no it's now. I thought I had another issue, but no, this is the turning point.

#28

THE QUESTIONS!!! Love how they're heckling Kate together.

Kate is so cool.

Oh right, the spaceguys are still here.

#29

The way the mad science island handles mental illness generally sucks, but it's almost hitting at something interesting with Will being forced off his medication for the sake of "creativity".

#30

Get out of here Bruce.

I am going to cry!

#31

I don't even dislike the spaceguys really, but cmon, more of Ralph or Nat would've been better.

Ralph's still a detective even at his lowest! Strong foreshadowing.

#32

Uh oh, Ralph.

#33

Ohhh Charlie.

Him hallucinating Myra? Only able to admit he loved her at the very end?? It takes me out!

Almost all of his dialogue is straight from the O'Neil run. Rucka describes rereading the entire run just to write this issue because he had to get this right, and it shows.

There's a reason I consider O'Neil and Rucka the essential Question writers, and all the other takes to be interesting sidenotes.

#34

The kids aren't doing so well.

aaaaaaaa

#35

Hands you a picture of Nat. Hands you a picture of Nat. Hands you a picture of Nat.

Lex is the best villain in 52 and it isn't even close to a competition.

#36

AAAAAAA

Fuck dude! Nothing coherent to say here! Look at them!

#37

Wild emotional roller coaster for me as I go from Renee agony to cheering about Booster. My first read of this was a Time.

It's such a fun mystery. I can confirm it works if you know nothing about comics and are just along for the ride, and it comes together so well on the reread.

Mayor Ollie!

#38

AAAAAAA

"I'm afraid of who I'll become without you..." How am I meant to be normal about this!

I had to read this in two pieces because it made me need to get up and pace. It has done this every time I have read it. I am physically incapable of being normal about this.

Head in my hands. Comics are good and worth reading actually.

#clayposts #clayreads #the question #vic sage #renee montoya

[mediacinemtographyartetc]

Spoilers for season one Next in Fashion!

Okay I'm going to do a Next in fashion video analysis of all the contestents the fashion the winners as well as an analysis on the show and my personal opinion.

Spoilers under cut- images of outfits for Episode one.

Next in Fashion Season one has a diverse cast of different colours both inside and out. Wether they are queer, straight black or white this is a room full of creatives in a competition giving a prompt.

The best part? That so many are proffesionals, I rarely see people who have already worked with A-listers and considered the best of the best competing against each other its like seeing the olympics but for artistic expression.

This group was full of loud, expressive and creative personalities all in one room.

So I can't really speak about culture or other prejudice- but I do want to talk about the outfits and my own opinions on who won and who went home. I disagreed with some of the judges takes and opinions while others I agreed with.

I kinda fell in love with Next in fashion but I will admit I am aware it was a mixed bag full of...issues, there were some things that I did deem problematic. But when the season expressed itself as activists, bringing awareness I would've assumed they would put things in place to accomadate that in the next season.

Overall, I think Next in Fashion season one;

Is a window into the fashion world.

It felt as if all these designers who worked with a-list celebrities were getting their voices heard. It was an insight into the fashion industry and was able to present a ton of hard topics and discussions in a way that was relatable and beliveable.

They revealed hard truths, ones I especially agree with and find understandable. Which I'll get to later, just to let you know in advanced though.

I know nothing about fashion-

but I do find an interest in it, as a creator I know I cant wear certain clothes but my characters can and find I have one ear on the fashion world but overall I dont know enough to be a professional.

So we start with the first episode: The red Carpet.

A look you can see actors, hollywood stars and influencers to wear and be interviewed on the red carpet something bold, stunning as well as jaw dropping so who did I think should've won and whose outfit was just not my idea of what I'd call great [but to remind you guys the reason I'm not a fashion person is that art is subjective what I find meh someone can love and it can be developed into an open market as long as theres a target audience and people like something then theres no such thing as bad art]

So onto the prompt: RED CARPET.

Winner: Angelo and Charles. Sent Home: Issac and Nasheli.

First off I have to say- this sucked. It was so unfair for Nasheli to leave especially since Issac was a huge tit. He did fuck all, gave Nasheli shit material and told her to make it work then said we're a team :D and when he was sent home he gave no shit- he said it was just another day! This was grossly unfair to Nasheli she should've been put on a different team or should've been asked to come next year and try again she deserved another chance it was grossly unfair that she was tripped at the finish line and couldn't have a chance to show off her talent because of an incompetent partner.

Anyway: Angel and Minju Red Carpet piece.

I loved this, I love the colour, the boy and the silouette. I find this so pretty and fell in love with this outfit on the spot 10/10 :D

Next up is : Ashton and Marco

Its a no from me 4/10, my reason is that I find this so basic, its a boring silouette feels like something someone wore back in the 2000's also that belt in the middle of her chest? I hated that when she moved it was moving and flip flopping all over the place it distracted me and made me look at her boobs even in the shot above I can see the belt moving slightly. I dont hate the dress but for a red carpet its a meh.

Next up is : Issac and Nesheli

I think the overall look the collor plus the bust and the oversized pocket at her stomach is distracting my focul point was aimed there instead of the overall look. The fabric was uncomfortable for the model to move in and couldn't go to the bathroom overall wearability was non existent. What is heartbreaking was how most voices in the show was steamrolled by their partners and most felt as if they werent heard. In this sense it's awkward because of artistic differences you dont know wether to trust your partner if their choice ends up making or breaking your chance in the competition. 1/10

Next up is farai and Kiki:

Again I love this colour and overall liked the look, when I first saw it I loved it. But the more I looked at it I thought hmm so it's more of a 7/10 personally I do think it looks more like something my mum would wear on holiday at the beach than a red carpet if I could change one thing it would be the jacket. Either have that fabric pattern at the top or bottom of the outfit OR Change the jacket to a darker purple to make it more as a gradient.

I think if it was a slightly shade darker it would be able to narrow down the focul point better- but I'm speaking as an artist on colour theory not as a pro fashion advice I am aware fashion is different so even though thats my personall opinion on the change I'm aware that sometimes peoples ideas are different to mine.

Next up is : Carli and Daniel

I might get a few raised eyebrows but this was a meh, from me. I thought it was safe I did like the colours pearing blues with browns and a soft white as the top colour theory, and structure as well as the bold move of a pant/skirt with pockets! Did look amazing. Idk I just think it was a 6/10 for me.

Next up is : Narresh and Lorena

HARD YES 10/10 I loved this outfit, I like the shape, the colours I love the back as well as the asymetrical sleeve I just- I freakin love this outfit I would want to wear this and twirl around in it.

Next up is : Julian and Hayley

I liked it at first, but yeah it does seem a bit incomplete but overall 5/10

And then theres : Claire and Adolfo

hmm Nope. NOPE. I don't like it 0/10- look art us subjective not many people will love it and I'm not one of those people, there is artistic differences and as an artist I don't like it. Other than the split at the side but it feels done before, and it feels so rubbery and stiff when the model walks, I just I cant nope.

And last but not least, Angelo And charlie.

My immiediete thought was "The matrix." Or any other 90's film. I do like the hot pink skirt just peeking out on the back but overall. Its kinda basic just another black dress I can't even love the trail when the model walked I couldn't help but think it wasn't laying right and seemed to be stiff once she dropped it. I can't help but think that the judges were too blown away by the tail drop than to actually see the dress it makes me think of x-factor when they give the golden buzzer to the child singer. Not because they were good or it was a talented song just because it was instent gratification. Overall I like it but its just meh to me 4/10....which is ironic since they're the ones who WON.

So yeah since what I LIKED and what the judges choose, just comes to show why I'm not making a career out of fashion either I'm too far ahead or tar far behind the times for what fashion even IS I just get annoyed that what I happen to like was something the judges were put off by...so let me know what YOU guys think were good tell ME which red carpet look you would rank out of 10 and let me know for the red Carpet look who YOU think the winner should've been???

I might do more episodes if this does well but if not? w/e

#Next #In #Fashion #Next in fashion #season #one #season 1 #Next in fashion season one #Kiki and farai #issac nasheli #nasheli

[serene-sun]

About the vent, I'm sorry if you didn't really want anyone to respond to it, you absolutely do not have to read this if you don't feel comfortable. Going on anon as well, hope that's alright.

It's always hard to deal with those feelings, like even when you know that people understand you still feel so alone with it all. You are so much more than what happened, it doesn't make you dirty, or impure, it isn't something that defines you.

It's hard to move on, especially when people ask about it, but you don't always owe an explanation for everything. And when you make the decision whether or not to not press charges, that is because it's the decision that feels safest for you. You are an amazing person to talk to, whether or not you have that trauma, and I would never second guess my opinion of you because of something you can't control. You seem like an amazing, and caring person and friend, and that is what matters. Your passion for the things you enjoy, the way that you express your love for everyone close to you, your creativity, THOSE are the things that make people love you, and they shouldn't be ignored because of your past. I'm happy to have met you, both as an author and as a friend, our talks are always enjoyable and I hate to see you so upset about something. I really hope that you feel a bit better, make sure to stay safe, and take care of yourself as best as you can. You're so deserving of love, and compassion, and all that you give to those around you, remember to give the same to yourself. :)

-🌙

TW: sexual assault

No it’s ok! I wouldn’t of posted it if I didn’t want any replies.

Thank you, I think just the emotions are forcing me to relive it all and all of the times it did happen. Idk if I will press charges, I really don’t want to hurt anyone. But it sucks bc what if he did it to more people? After me? I always end up defending him in some way, I think he’s a terrible person, but I’ll always feel like it’s my fault. But he doesn’t deserve to get away with it and hurting more people, but in the end he did know what he was doing.

I’m glad I mean something to someone on here, thanks for that. I try my best to be the better person, and make people happy. But sometimes I get to ahead of myself, and I usually forget to make myself happy. I don’t want to be negative Nancy on here, but I don’t where else I should talk at. It’s either irl or on here. And like I said before, I like being invisible and untouchable, I like disappearing hours on end to tumblr. Because nobody can hurt me on here so that makes me feel better, I don’t have anybody to press charges on here on tumblr. So I’m sorry for the negative stuff!

#serene sun nocontext #🌙 anon

[parttimespacepilot]

Arriving at that dock felt like fate. My mind had been planning this day for years, a chance to prove my self. The academy feels like ages ago and my future is only seconds away...

DEUS EX THE CONSPIRACY (PS2)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*My actual reaction to writing that line*

But for real though. At least hear me out for a second. I LOVE Deus Ex. I plan on doing a full write up about the series and why it means so much to me, I am not sure when but I figure I need to experience EVERYTHING this franchise has so I think it is finally time to play the PS2 version (One of my favorite systems) of Deus Ex (Favorite game of all time.)

AND I AM SURE THIS GENERAL IDEA ALREADY EXISTS SO I AM NOT TRYING TO STEAL IT AS MY OWN. THIS IS JUST HOW I EXPLAIN IT

For what ever reason I just can't shake this idea of creating something using the universe of the game I love so much. Then the idea hit me. What if I playthrough the game ON tumblr? Make my playthrough an art project. Play the game and capture screen shots. Audio clips. Video moments and just create.

One post may be screen shots and text as if it's my version of JC's prospective. Justifying his choices and actions.

The next post is an ambient chill video clip of the game existing in the level I am in.

Genres of each post could change at any moment. Switching prospective and even breaking the 4th wall. The only thing constant would be the flow of the game as I play. A playthrough from start to finish, Content made from any inspiration I find along the way through the version of the game that feels like Deja Vu of a parallel universe version of my favorite game because of it's changes.

I am not looking for fame. I am not looking for clout. I just love the game and its universe and it means enough to me to want to use it as inspiration for my own take and ideas. I am not asking for followers or to hype it up. I am just honestly curious if there's even room in the Deus Ex Community for someone who honestly probably will suck at this. I doubt many jokes will land. You might hate it and think its dumb. That's fine. I just... I dont know. I feel nervous to put my self and creations out there.

I just want to express love for this game and I feel like I also want to challenge my self to be creative in new ways. Is there room for this? Should I actually make an effort and make a blog for this idea or should I just keep it to my self?

I'd love some input.

#deus ex #art #lets play #playthrough #nostalgia #playstation 2 #ps2 #retrogaming #ion storm #jc denton

[caspalooza]

2022 Art Summary & Reflection!

A proper blog post, this one! ;D I'll be talking your ear off about my art under the "keep reading" break, if you feel so inclined. Otherwise, please appreciate my 2022 art overview (ooooh. aaaah.)

So! 2022. Oh, 2022. Yeah, this year SUCKED! BIG TIME! Or at least, it sucked in terms of my, ahem, artistic journey (sparkle emoji). Graduating high school and stuff was cool. Anyways, I feel I should be unhappy about my art progress (or lack thereof), and I suppose to a certain extent I am, but at the same time I have a hard time blaming myself for this one. I had so, SO little energy this year, and almost any time I did have energy, I was weighed down by mental blocks, art blocks, creative blocks, you name it. Getting anything finished was very mentally draining, even more so because I wasn't getting any practice, meaning my art abilities weren't quite up to snuff, which discouraged me even more! In the past, whenever I've become discontented with my art, I've liked to do what I call BRUTE FORCING improvement!!! but I just didn't have the energy to do that at ALL this year. My main and possibly only consistent motivator for drawing was my oc, Jesper (this really was the year of Jesper for me, holy jeez!).

But right now, I'm thinking AHEAD! To the FUTURE, BABY! Because I REALLY want to make some progress by the end of 2023. Even though my rendering got a lot better in 2022, I improved pretty much NOT-AT-ALL when it came to the fundamentals. That bothers the HELL out of me and I want that to change next year. I can't describe how it is to SUFFER when I want to render something because it's fun, only to spend hours rendering GARBAGE and looking back at it 5 minutes later and realizing, "Hey wait a minute! That's GARBAGE!"

Lucky me, I'm in a pretty good state of mind about my art right now, and I feel myself fixating on it again (which is pretty good timing since I'm on winter break now). So here are my main improvement goals for 2023:

DRAW MORE and FINISH MORE ART, even if it's SHIT! Which is finally a realistic goal for me since I hate so much of my art that I'm highkey just desensitized to it at this point.

Pay WAY more attention to composition and use of negative space! And not just in color, which for some reason was what I thought negative space exclusively referred to until an embarrassingly short amount of time ago!

Similarly, pay much more attention to pose readability! These poses should be CRYSTAL!

Keep pushing expressions, not just in sketches but FINISHED ART!

And finally, I want to stop worrying so much about making finished art. I want to draw whatever the fuck I want even if that amounts to drawing a guy standing in the void 20 times in a row. If that's what I have energy for, that's what I have energy for! At least it's SOMETHING!

And of course I'd like to improve somewhat with proportions and anatomy and shading and such, but I'm not feeling the urge to focus too strongly on that stuff right now.

My relationship with my art is and has always been that I just want to get it to a point where I don't hate looking at it, because really the only reason I draw is because I either want to vent my love for something and/or because I like looking at my ocs. That's sorta why after improving so much in my first few years of learning to draw humans, I slowed down a ton. It wasn't out of laziness, I was just content, and why would I want to spend all my time and energy practicing when It was already good enough and I could just draw my ocs NOW! I have no professional aspirations for my art. My art's for me first, and I hope it stays that way.

That said, I'm hoping for a lot of changes in general in 2023, some of which aren't strictly related to the visual arts, necessarily! All my ocs and their lore are to be revamped (and some are in the process of it already) to recapture their original vibe which I have missed oh-so-much. I don't want to rush myself with that process, but once the ocs are all set and the basic lore is all set I would love to try making some short comics about them. I don't know if that'll happen this coming year, but it's something i'd like to work towards. I had actually already started working on a comic and had the first few pages thumbnailed before I realized I really, really didn't like the way some of my ocs were characterized. Like, I'm not suggesting they were PROBLEMATIC or something, they just didn't feel right. Like they weren't quite themselves anymore, and I had lost their essence. Also, it was probably a bit too ambitious for a first comic project, anyways. All's that to say, I've an interesting path in front of me! I hope to make some cool stuff this coming year, a healthy mix of epithet erased fan art and original content! And who KNOWS what other fandoms will destroy my life along the way!

#the dead speak! #caspalooza #art summary 2022

[protagonistheavy]

Ah I finished the newest season on My Little Pony g5... I forgot what theyre even still calling this gen. Is it just "A New Generation?" So much of this show is just unremarkable like that. There's nothing going on and while I obviously speak from the perspective of a grown adult, I also can't fathom many children being that enthralled with the show either.

There's definitely a significant downshift in the target demographic. Even season 1 of g4, the "babiest" of the seasons, was never oriented this hard towards literal babies lol. And again, I can't even imagine young children enjoying this show more than, say, g4 -- which is also on Netflix and just 1000% more quality. If I had a kid and they wanted to watch something, why on earth would I ever choose g5 over g4? What does g5 have over it? Genuinely every aspect is just a total downgrade, offering nothing original or creative, and worst of all, it outright relies on itself standing on the shoulders of g4!! If you want the "best" experience with g5, then you ought to come in familiar with g4, which is just begging viewers to feel that downshift I was talking about.

Like if I was told to make a new generation of ponies for a new young audience, idk, I would choose one or the other: either go hard on being based on g4 and effectively make it a sequel/continuation, and stay consistent with the established lore, OR I'd go the opposite and abandon all/most previous lore, starting with a clean slate that any dumpy 6 year-old can keep up with. Instead we get this back-and-forth cocksucking of g4, g5 is just incapable of making moves on its own, it relies so much on g4 having been there.... UGHHH!

Beyond that, everything else is just worse. The animation in particular is so fucking bad and a BIG reason why I wouldnt make a kid watch this lol. It's barely competent most of the time, but there's so little heart, so little personality (which can be said of the whole production). You know those early ref sheets cartoonists get from the lead artist/animator? And it shows "dos and do-nots" about how to animate characters, e.g. "don't make them stand in straight lines" "add dynamics to their posture" "exaggerate expressions." Yeah well they got the notes flipped fucking backwards for this season. Characters are CONSTANTLY as stiff as cardboard, barely moving at all to accentuate their dialogue -- dialogue that DOES have character and personality! It feels so sad that the VAs probably imagined a better animated cartoon and thus acted the way they did, but it only highlights how stale the animation is when you have so much life in a character's voice, like urgency or quirkiness, only to see the pony barely lift a hoof or turn their head. Gravity also just exists differently in this world, where something can bounce on the ground like a rubber ball two times, and then drop dead where it next lands, not even a slight roll or sway. It's bad enough the characters arent the most vibrant nor is the world very colorful or engaging.... but then youre looking at them and they barely even freaking move.

And the characters. Theyre trying, but its not doing enough. These five just do NOT have any chemistry worth watching. None of them have motivations, between them all is maybe like three quirks, but otherwise they have nothing interesting going on. Hitch and Zipp could almost fill the same role as being these "investigators" so it's odd that there's two of them, which sucks because for the plots this generation wants to make, a detective-focused personality is a great fit -- just weird that it's two people basically. Sunny is very plain and is made especially dumb for the sake of conflict; Izzy remains okay but it's so clear theyre just taking notes off of Pinkie Pie. And then Pipp, just shut the fuck up. I went from disliking Pipp to hating her, the idea of "social media influencer" as a character in a kids cartoon is so frustrating, especially since they have no intent on exploring this concept in any interesting way lol. Her trait is just "she's popular" and sometimes she sings, which is a weird aspect to focus specifically on in a world traditionally known for everyone breaking out into song lmao.

So yeah nothing exciting going on.... The villain is extremely lackluster, but Im glad there's at least some sort of consistent uhhhhhhhhh "threat" I guess. Misty is sometimes interesting, but the dumbness of this plot ruins most chances of finding her appealing. Maybe she'll be more interesting once she gets the inevitable redemption/turn-around, I predict she'll end up being the second unicorn to the main cast, but I doubt she's going to really sync with anyone or improve the chemistry. Overall a very let down experience and probably the weakest post of g5 yet lol.

[karuuhnia]

Hi Karuuhnia! I've been following you since your Nuzlocke days on Deviantart. So far I've always been a lurker, but I just wanted to say how much I love your art, your comics and the way you write your stories! Can you tell us more about your creative process and how long things usually take from idea to finished comic? Anyway keep up the great work! I'll continue following your art! <3

OMG since the Nuzlocke days! That's almost 10 years ago now! You're a real OG then! Thank you for sticking with me all this time! <3

About my creative process...

Well, honestly, I consider myself more of a writer than an artist. I just happen to have been fortunate enough to acquire some artistic skills over the years to capture these stories in drawings as well. You know what I mean?

But writing dialogues and characters is what I enjoy most about my creative process. I just wish English was my native language. I often have a hard time expressing myself adequately or mimic speech patterns of certain characters (e.g. I suck at coming up with "train lingo" for the subway bros). But still, I love writing!

Step 1

I usually go from panel to panel, write the dialogue in English and the "stage directions" in German or a weird mix of English and German lol. This is an excerpt from the script I'm working on right now:

Step 2:

Once the script's done I import the text into Photoshop/CSP and make a first panel distribution, so I can estimate how long the page will probably will be. This is usually the part where I realize that I've yet again written way too much and cut or shorten some of the dialogue again. lol

Step 3:

Then it's time for very rough sketches so that I know how big the panels have to be and where to put the speech bubbles. (And yes, I am absolutely incapable of drawing Pokémon lmao)

Step 4:

????

Step 5:

Profit

But all jokes aside, I look for references, poses and room interiors (I hate it!) and then I just... draw until it's done? I like doing lineart, but everything else is pain, especially backgrounds. Wth is perspective and shading? ;___;

I can't say how long each step takes because every project is different in length and complexity. But it's a lot, I'll tell you that. Probably worked 100-150 hours on the last comic page. lmao

I hope this helps a little bit. XD

#ama #karuuhnia writes #karuuhnia scribbles #((I would fail so hard on Drawing Pokémon from Memory streams it's not even funny anymore #For me: writing >>>>>>> drawing tbh #I wish I could just project my thoughts onto the canvas... ;__; #Anyway back to work))

[angelic-serenade]

Alastor + disaster cook! S/O

headcanons

✧༝┉┉┉┉┉˚*❋ ❋ ❋*˚┉┉┉┉┉༝✧

gif, original work and characters do not belong to me

you could not cook to save your life

any attempt at cooking would result in certain failure in the best case scenario and 5.4 magnitude earthquake damage in the worst

sure, you could make edible pasta and if you really put your best efforts into it, acceptable omelette too

but anything past that level of complexity was simply out of your league, a lost cause to put it mildly

don't you even think about making a cake, that shit's dangerous

as they say: as above so below

when you landed in Hell and found yourself joining the Happy Hotel soon after, you came to find out your culinary skills had not magically improved

which is quite ironic since Charlie had made you head chef of the hotel

the string of curses which had left your lips upon hearing the news had been legendary, even for Hell

you adored the demon princess with your whole heart (or whatever was left of it anyway), bUT REALLY CHARLIE? YOU DO NOT GIVE A GUN TO A CHILD AND EXPECT CASUALTIES NOT TO HAPPEN

at this point you were certain she was subconsciously auto-sabotaging

either way, you didn't have the heart to tell her no, so you decided to put your heart and soul into trying to learn how to properly cook, which didn't turn out to be the ideal choice of words since you were in Hell and your soul was probably rotten to the core

at least, nobody could say you hadn't tried your damn best

and hey! some days your cooking hadn't even been completely sickening

you decided to stick to easy, “safe” dishes though, you know, just to be sure

so pasta and eggs were definitely a thing

a constant and repetitive thing to be precise

you were trying your best, okay? nobody in your place with your limited set of skills would have taken the job, but you did and you deserved recognition for that feat alone

or a fucking donkey hat for your skyrocketing dumbness levels

things were not so bad at first

both Charlie and Vaggie were very supportive, each one of them in their own way - even though you had totally seen Charlie trying to swallow pure unadulterated fear that one time you had announced you wanted to try to cook something more elaborate

Angel Dust on the other hand... hadn't been as considerate as to lie to your face about what he thought of your cooking

"fuck me doll, this shit's disgusting"

*insert the I don't have friends they disappoint me vine here*

Vaggie had proceeded to give Angel quite the earful while Charlie tried her best to cheer you up

you went full hermit mode on them for two days after that

you were proud of yourself, handling criticism so well

anyway, the cycle kept repeating, with the only difference that most days Angel would grab something to eat outside of the hotel and join you during meals only to blankly stare at the plates and silvery

Charlie had tried to shield you from the truth, but you weren't that stupid

you respected Angel's choice, really, you did, and you had decided to be the bigger person among the two

that's why you began to put a lil bit of laxative into his portions whenever he decided to grace your efforts and actually eat your "disgusting cooking"

y’know just to spicy things up a little

at least now he had a valid reason to complain

with the whole fiasco on live TV and the sudden and suspicious appearence of the one and only Radio Demon at your doorstep, however, things started going haywire

Alastor's presence was eeirly demanding and unsettlingly charmimg at the same time

so it was only natural for you to gravitate the fuck away from him whenever you could

you always acted politely, greeting him whenever you bumped into him through the corridors of the hotel, but you only went as far as to appear courteous because you didn't want for him to go Hannibal Lecter on you. thanks, no thanks

“and what can you do my feminine fellow?”

“I can suck your dick!”

you had snorted a bit at that which immediately shifted the strawberry pimp's attention to yourself

“and what about you, pretty dame? I take it you're in charge of the kitchens around here?”

dressed in your chef attire, you were going to meekly answer him, but before you could, roaring laughter erupted in the room. it belonged to the one and only slutty spider you found oh so irritating

in the fraction of seconds, Alastor snapped his neck at an unnatural angle to stare at the spider with a strained smile on his face

needless to say, the cursed image would forever haunt your traumatized psyche

“hasn't your mother taught you it is rude to interrupt a conversation which you have no part in? that just won't do!”

static filled the air and you feared you were going to implode if the heavy pressure didn't lift off soon enough, so you decided to take action

“ugh... yes, I'm the head chef! but, well, I... could actually use some practice and proper training?”

you hated how uncertain you sounded, but Angel's comments and your own dissatisfaction with your culinary products made you quite self-conscious about your skills

“don't fret your pretty little head about it, my dear! I, for one, am a culinary connaisseur and wonderful chef, if I do say so myself. I'll be ecstatic to guide you through your training!”

how you'd be able to handle his booming voice during hours and hours of practice was your first and main concern, but you had never been one to refuse the chance to finally prove the people who had criticized you wrong *cough cough* Angel Dust

since that day, Alastor began to personally give you cooking lessons

he was exuberant and pretty sly when it came to veiled jabs about your dreadful cooking, but he really took his time to help you out

which you had been both grateful and suspicious about

“now, we can't have our future patrons starving to death, can we?”

he was strangely patient and an overall good teacher too (emphasis on overall)

he guided you step by step through each dish, simultaneously showing off his own flawless culinary skills

you hated that you daily found yourself boosting his already GIGANTIC ego, but you couldn't help it. you could only dream about reaching that level of artistry in cooking

he always came up with creative recipes to test your limits and cooked for you in order to make you more familiar with different tastes. his mother’s were your favorites, jambalaya being his one true specialty 

he had blindfolded you once and proceeded to present you with various samples of spices, oilments and all kinds of food so that you could acquaint yourself with the smells and flavors of the ingredients and figure out yourself which ones would best suit a certain dish

saying you were hesitant at first was an understatement, because you know? being completely at the mercy of a sadistic serial killer who had terrorized the seven circles of hell? not even being able to see him? not on your bucket list

he had tried to ease your nervousness with the whole “if I wanted to hurt anyone here, I would have done so already” thing, but it was getting kind of old pretty fast

“if I had been one to play with fire, I'd have joined a circus”

he found your sense of humor as endearing your sheer presence

(when he rolled up his sleeves to cook, you felt like you could catch fire any minute, you were a slut for strong skinny arms) 

yes, Alastor had always loved to show off his own impeccable skills but he unexpectedly found himself enjoying the moments spent in your company too

he relished in seeing you fail again and again, but he also admired the way you always managed to bring yourself back up to your feet each time

he had yet to fully understand if it was foolishness or stubbornness to guide your steps

either way, you turned out to be his favorite form of entertainment in the hotel!

no matter how many slights would he send your way, you'd always manage to find an appropriate remark that made his permanent smile stretch a little more in sheer amusement

“oh dear, this beef is so undercooked one could still hear the poor beast’s lament”

“the only noise I hear is the obnoxious ramblings of an arrogant boomer”

he wasn't technically a boomer but it was always so satisfying to irk him with terms he had no knowledge of

during your cooking lessons, when the only thing left to do with a dish was wait and pray for the best, you'd come to talk about everything and anything

he'd talk to you about his precious New Orleans as he remembered it and you'd fill him in on recent historical/social developments of your time

he always looked so taken when you shared with him that modern knowledge and it made you feel useful for a change

it was, dare you say it, almost adorable how he'd ask you countless questions about your home town, the catastrophes of the last century and had there been any other war since his death?

the topic switches almost made you dizzy though

once or twice, when the timing allowed, he'd even indulge in a musical show to pass time

on the days your mood soured because of a particularly complicated recipe or bad result, he'd drag you along and dance until you were so distracted by the absurdness of the circumstances that you forgot about your previous sadness

with time, his musical shows became more frequent as he realized you'd always offer him a genuine smile after his flashy performances

it was out of personal indulgence, not because he liked the way his music always seemed to cheer you up

he'd not been vocal about the way he tried to comfort you, but you were grateful nonetheless

the first time you managed to succesfully complete one of his complicated recipes, you had almost cried

“now, now deary, under my watchful eye, it was only a matter of time until you'd finally blossom into a fine cook!”

“Alastor can I... can I hug you?”

and how could he say no to such an adorable expression? he found himself stunned into silence, not being able to tell you yes either, therefore you slowly came closer as if trying not to scare a wild animal away

when Alastor passively stood before you, not moving away, you wrapped your arms around him

he really was such a dorky noodle

he didn't relax into the hug, but he kept still as you relished in the moment and let the pressure you had hoarded for months now loose

Alastor proceeded to show off your dish during dinner and even Angel Dust could do nothing but shut up and dig in

The all powerful Radio Demon was simply so proud of your progress - not that he doubted you'd prevail in the end, thanks to his expertise and guidance

from that moment onward things only got better and even if you didn't necessarily need Alastor's help anymore, neither of you ever mentioned going your separate ways

you were both secretly glad for the silent agreement

friendly banter and dad jokes were a daily occurrence and with your new-found confidence in the field, you'd always bite back showing off new delicious dishes instead than words

you still had trouble every now and then, but Alastor was always there to help you out

not that you'd ever hear the end of it if you actually asked him for help

“what was that, my darling? is the mightiest chef in Hell having trouble in Paradise?”

you had noticed however that he'd started sneaking glances your way more than usual lately and he also started following you around wherever you went in the hotel. he became your shadow both inside and outside of the kitchen

the attention soon became unnerving, even more so when you'd go in the kitchen only find a different flower on the counter each morning

you came to realize that Alastor's advances were rather old fashioned, but you would amuse the dork and yourself for a while before taking charge

gifts became an ordinary occurrence as well as praise and you preferred not to think about what praise could do to you when it came from Alastor

he enjoyed your reactions to his flattering words a little too much, he had to admit

you had had enough of his childish antics one day and you decided to finally put your plan into action

“Al, can you come here for one sec?”

he wasn't particularly fond of the nickname, but you just loved to get under his skin as much as he did when it came to you

“what can I do for you, my darling chef?”

“here, I have a gift for you”

he looked uncharacteristically unsure of what to do but slightly amused as well. in the end curiosity took the best of him and he finally decided to open the box you had handed to him rather unceremoniously

“what is this dear?”

the apron you had chosen was a perfect fit for your long boi

“read it, please”

“kiss the cook? well, if you ask me so nicely, I just might have to”

he then proceeded to peck your cheek and you swore you could have fainted right there and then by the sheer sweetness of the gesture

it hadn't exactly been what you had planned, but you weren't going to complain

your relationship was bound to be full of surprises apparently

#hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor #hazbin hotel x reader #alastor x reader #reader insert #x reader #headcanons #hazbin hotel headcanon #alastor headcanons #hazbin oc #fandom prompts #hazbin hotel alastor #gender neutral s/o #s/o #fluff #alastor fluff #cute #love #yandere #just a little of you squint #alastor x you #you #charlie #vaggie #Angel dust #alastor imagine #imagine #hazbin hotel imagine #alastor

[writingandmore]

Hi!!! May I get a HP, Star Wars, Voltron, and Disney matchup?

𝗕𝗔𝗦𝗜𝗖𝗦 + 𝗔𝗣𝗣𝗘𝗔𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗖𝗘

19, Libra, Neutral Good, enneagram is 4w5, muggleborn Ravenclaw (with Gryffindor tendencies), and my patronus spirit is Hummingbird. Biromantic Pansexual Genderfluid woman using pronouns of She/Her or He/Him. Cherubic-like face, with short height (5'1") plus sized Southeast Asian woman with Spanish descent that has chic messy/wavy brunette medium hair that reaches to my shoulder, oriental skin, slightly upturned eyes, small lashes, chocolate brown irises, cute flat nose, heart shaped face, full cheeks, cupid's bow lips, a small beauty mark on the forehead, and naturally straight teeth with tiny gap in front (just imagine that it's a mixture of Marinette from 𝗠𝗶𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘂𝗹𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗟𝗮𝗱𝘆𝗯𝘂𝗴, Musa from 𝗪𝗶𝗻𝘅 𝗖𝗹𝘂𝗯, and Alexandra Trese from 𝗧𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲---cause' my friend told me that I kinda look like them). My sense of fashion is in between emo and boyish plus korean glam, I sometimes let my hair down or styled like Lara Croft reboot.

𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗢𝗡𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗬

Distant, quiet, and timid at first making people thought I'm a demure, modest, and self-effacing that looks "immaculate" or "one of a kind" (due to my protective mom, a reason why I've never been in a relationship) but the truth is, dunno how to initiate a conversation, but a total opposite if I open up---friendly, ambivert, witty, laughing loudly on a daily basis---like my happiness is too shallow, super talkative, eats a lot (yeah I can finish a huge slice of cake or a meal in one sitting), awkward, daydreamer (I got embarrassed from knocking at the door even I'm inside the classroom 😂), EXTREMELY CLUMSY (mostly gets bruises from hitting, bumping my head somewhere, walking into something on my way, and being careless to my belongings), secretly likes affection, easily overwhelmed, prone to melt over wholesomeness, flusters on compliments, lightly blushes on cheesy banters, eager to share what I know (especially about Catholic Church---my past teacher joked that I'll become a saint because of it 🤣), oftenly speaks full of sarcasm with a lowkey crackhead energy citing meme references, and talented girl who can be your no.1 supporter and unashamed to be true to myself but can be awkward to strangers. In terms of leadership, I only educate and guide than being a prefect (I might take the role seriously), will lift my group when there's lacking/incompleteness. About doing projects in school, I become too extra and prepared for efforts, but I'll forget the process in the end.

The extent, I'm expressive, warm-hearted, willig to help, kind, intelligent, supportive, nice, creative, enthusiastic, laid-back, determined, tough, competitive, and feisty outside, but a real softie that can be childish and dramatic that cries so easily (but will enlightened real quick by smallest things that makes me smile) filled with doubts, frustrations, and insecurities with fear of failure that pushes off the limits to to please everyone because they might get dissappointed from expectations---I simply can't stop proving myself too much because I'm a survivor of bullying. But I still managed to be stronger than ever after I stumbled, even it's a slow burn process. I can be blunt, intimidating, harsh, and a douchebag if I receive ends or I got interrupted while doing something. Immature, headstrong, perfectionist, demanding, hesitant, jumpy, forgetful, overthinker, quick-tempered, sensitive, and anxious (no joke, my nervousness makes me think worse scenario will arrive). Though can be procrastinator and arrogant, I raised as a religious 𝖺𝗇𝖽 diplomatic youth, willing to fight what I believe (including my dreams and what's important to me) and what is right. In addition, I have a habit of staying up late and doing sign of the cross to ease nervousness.

Rowdy and feeling-brokenhearted and bitter friend in the group who fangirl a lot, swears like sailor, will call out on people that we loathe, will make fun of your stupidity (in a good way) before helping, and bring gossips, but a hopeless romantic and cheeky (makes banter with sarcasms or pick up lines as an endearment, but gets annoyed if I received sappy or offensive one), Still generous and concerned person in a subtle and different way.

𝗛𝗢𝗕𝗕𝗜𝗘𝗦

My hobbies are singing, drawing, roleplaying, listening to music, chatting/browsing on social media, conceptualizing, writing, and reading some stuffs. I'll include making corniest jokes/puns, sleeping, and dancing when nobody's around or walking like a model if I feel so bold (even I'm terrible at both xD). I also used to learn Italian language a bit.

𝗟𝗜𝗞𝗘𝗦

Loves kittens, milk tea, singing at the karaoke, cartoons, iced coffee, memes, cute things, watching YouTube videos (mostly pageants, ASMR, edit audios, and mukbangs), also enjoys playing games on my sister's PSP. Sucker for arts, choir, poetry, night sky, makeup, fun/deep/dumb conversations, Christianity, documentaries (about saints, real crime stories, and inspirational people), reading interesting stuffs, talking about social issues, and creative writing, chilling both indoors and outdoors. Beside that, my music taste are like late 90s-2000s songs (mostly rock, pop, and country) sometimes Catholic songs, kpop and ppop, chocoholic, and a sweetooth as well.

𝗗𝗜𝗦𝗟𝗜𝗞𝗘𝗦

Things that I hate are stereotyping, HUGE creepy crawlies (spiders, toads, snakes, and cockroaches), firecracker sounds, thunder and lightning, being left out, loneliness, heart break, blackout, and judgemental people. If I found out that someone hates or backstabbing or being rude to me, I won't hesitate to throw offensive criticisms, leaving them with a "I don't give a f" attitude. One random fact about me is, I 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 vent out EVERYTHING I despise in my entire existence---from bad soap operas to toxicity, worse scenarios in real life, and how terrible is my love life from unrequited feelings that I got, because it's a big deal for me, and I consider forcing me to do what I'm not into and manipulating me as my major pet peeves.

𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗚𝗚𝗘𝗥𝗦

In terms of triggers...I only have two which are ta𝖨king about divorce/annullment/separation because I came from a generational broken family (it sucks that some people I knew assumed that the reason why I'm overly unaware that someone is interested in me in secret, is I have "high standards" looking for a partner, but the truth is I'm strict and I have a personal preferences...I know my worth and I don't want settle for less!) and religion/beliefs discrimination, cause' there are reasonings that doesn't makes sense because some, sounds too hypocritical, like as if you're a morally good person.

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡𝗖𝗘 + 𝗟𝗢𝗩𝗘 𝗟𝗔𝗡𝗚𝗨𝗔𝗚𝗘𝗦

My love languages are quality time and gift giving, but I actually swoon over physical touch (especially cuddles and cute kisses) and words of affirmation when it comes to having a partner, though I get attracted so easily, matured but can be a goofy person who's nice, friendly, kind-hearted, loving, faithful, and excels in academics is my cup of tea. Whenever I have a real life crush (which is rare), I act the same but deep inside, my heart is about to explode and will eventually share to my trustful friends how I highly admire that person, however if they spilled the beans out, I'll obviously deny it and will cry if they like someone else, it will take some time for me to move on, now I don't care for them anymore.

Best Friends to Lovers is my ideal trope because I find it very cute since you already knew each other before dating (which happened to my 2nd cousin, she married her best friend!)---perfect balance for romance, laughters, comfort, and tears when it comes to sharing your vibes, being there through thick and thin, safe with embraces, and helping each other to grow.

𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗩𝗜𝗔𝗦

My best assets are smile, eyes, personality, singing voice, artistic skills, writings, intelligence, oratorical skills and I have potential in hosting...so I can consider myself as a singer, artist, orator, speaker, and a top student who's a former active campus ministry member with three roles (choir leader, psalm singer, and reader).

May sounds different but I'm passionate for helping people through my talents and sharing my story to inspire everyone. I may look selfish, but I have a different way on how I show that I actually care also I have a biased sentimental value

Currently a college freshman, learning how to cook. I have so many interests, to the point I don't know what I'm into because of my dreams to become a popular Filipino YouTuber, a novelist, and being part of a successful chorale competing internationally...I also consider joining pageants at school too once the pandemic ends, but maybe.

HP: Remus!

- Remus is also quiet and a bit reserved when he's not in a familiar situation, so your own first impression on him would be a good one, as you'd seem similar to his own personality. He's sweet and is able to start up a conversation if he notices the other person is having a hard time doing so, so hopefully he'd be able to bring out your more extroverted and friendly self after a while so he can be around the more open you. He wouldn't mind you being a bit awkward-he's very much the same way-honestly, the comradery that would come from that would be more positive than anything else. He loves sharing knowledge and learning about new things, so your eagerness to talk about what you know would work really well also! He does a lot better when he knows someone has his back too, so your extra supportive nature would endear him to you as well.

SW: Han!

- Your nicer and more helpful personality would balance out Han's more standoffish vibes when first meeting. You might get on his nerves a bit first, but you'd quickly grown on him and, in turn, make him a bit of a better person. Your ability to be blunt and a bit harsh would serve you well if you ever needed to stand your ground on an issue that two of you have, as he can be quite stubborn.

VLD: Lance!

- Lance can be a bit immature from time to time as well, especially when it comes to trying to be funny or cheering up those around him-he's also headstrong and typically firm in what he wants to do, so your own determined personality would attract him to you a lot as well. He often puts off things he needs to do if they make him anxious too, but if you both recognize that you share that problem, helping each other might be a good solution!

Disney: Flynn!

- Flynn is quite a sarcastic and teasing person, so your own humor would match well with his. He's also quite a hopeless romantic as well, even though he's certainly not one to admit that right off the bat. He enjoys singing, and as he gets closer to someone he feels more comfortable doing so in front of them, so a partner he's been with for a long time would get to see him be more and more open with it. That also applies to activities like dancing.

#hp matchup #remus lupin #sw matchp #han solo #vld matchup #lance mcclain #disney matchup #flynn rider

[lezliefaithwade]

A Breath of Fresh Air

The summer after my first year of theatre school, I was sleeping on the living room floor of my cousin's apartment in Toronto, trying to figure out what to do with my life. My cousin had been an actor before he became a quadriplegic in a car accident, and as I unadvisedly bemoaned my unemployment status, he said something like, "Seriously? You're complaining about your life? Don't make me burst a colostomy bag." He was right, of course. I wasn't in a wheelchair, though I did have a stepmother who had rendered me homeless because of her dislike for me. She was always saying things like, "Your hair can't be as ugly as that hat you're wearing." Or simply refusing to invite me to things like Christmas dinner. I always admired people with families. My boyfriend at the time was one of five kids who were always doing things together. Their house was always full of noise and activities. Even as a shiksa, I felt more at home there than with my stepbrothers and sisters, who never lost an opportunity to point out that I was weird. I wanted to stand up to them, but not wanting to cause my father any grief, I held my tongue and sought refuge elsewhere. It occurred to me that perhaps I was using the theatre as an opportunity to say things through characters that I couldn't find the courage to express myself.

The Toronto Star was still open on the kitchen table, and I rummage through the Want Ads, that dirty part of the newspaper near the back where complete strangers will soon become complete assholes in your life by forcing you to work menial jobs in humiliating uniforms for minimum wage.

"Find anything?" my cousin called from the bedroom, where two attendants helped wash and dress him.

"Social services are advertising for camp councilors to work with emotionally challenged kids."

"Oh yeah," He said. "That might suit you."

I'm not sure I knew what he meant but, I was beginning to think I'd outgrown my welcome. My cousin probably would have encouraged me to join the circus if the option had been available. Knowing my living room days were numbered, I thought it best to make an effort and apply.

I had no experience teaching drama—no experience working with kids and no experience going to or working at a camp. Despite all that, I was hired. It's worth noting that it's probably not a good sign if you get a job with no qualifications whatsoever.

My official position was Drama Councillor, and I prided myself that with only a year and half of theatre training behind me, I was well equipped to help others benefit from the wealth of my experience. I imagined myself, Maria Von Trapp, teaching children how to sing while they looked at me adoringly. Somehow, I conveniently blocked out the rebellious early stages she experienced and skipped straight to the good parts. Also, I might add, forgetting about the Nazis and having to climb over a mountain. Still, visions of me biking around camp with a group of happy campers behind me filled me with a sense of self-satisfaction.

As I packed my knapsack with deet and a secret stash of Twinkies, I thought of how only three weeks earlier I'd been in New York walking through Central Park and savoring Cappuccinos at outdoor cafés on Columbus. Now, here I was, ready for something different. The wilderness, I imagined, would be a welcome change—fresh air and loons instead of smog and sirens. I thought smugly about my classmates sweating behind visors at take-out windows shoveling fries into cardboard cups or wrapping sandwiches in tinfoil. Thumbs up to adventure, I told myself. The fact that I'd never once in my life enjoyed the great outdoors didn't factor into my mind. All of this changed with each accumulated minute of the 391 Kilometer drive north.

It was late afternoon when I arrived at the compound. Overcast, sullen, it was a place so secluded you'd need flares to find it. It had that distinct aura of someplace time forgot. A place left behind and neglected. In the brochure, the sun was shining, flowers filled the meadow, and you could practically hear laughter floating off the page. What I was looking at bore more of a resemblance to a situation in a Stephen King novel where camp councilors discover a pack of hungry teenage zombies have lured them to a seemingly idyllic retreat. Situated right in the heart of black fly country, I spent most of my days swatting insects so big they seem Jurassic.

During our orientation, child care workers warned us that children with mental health needs tend to run away - a lot and to keep strict attendance records and all eyes on them at all times. "These kids are resourceful and clever," they cautioned. I couldn't imagine being so determined you'd risk your life by escaping through the woods that surrounded us, but then again, I'd never been around children who weren't allowed cutlery before either

I shared my cabin with three other women with who I had absolutely nothing in common. Delia, a humorless 27-year-old cooking instructor who answered every question with a monosyllabic grunt, Jennifer, a 26-year old tennis instructor with massive blond ringlets who talked so quickly she sounded like a record on high speed, and an older aboriginal woman named Sunny who made us all dream catchers and offered advice about how to heal ourselves on days when we'd feel spent. "Remember, these kids need us," she said while purifying our cabin with sage. As I glanced around my assigned bunk, taking in the spider webs and loose floorboards, I had that sinking feeling that comes when you know you've made a terrible mistake. Before long, I was eating copious amounts of peanut butter on stale bagels amid a never-ending supply of starch. I'm not sure who thought it was a good idea to feed children with challenges like anxiety, depression, hyperactivity, and eating disorders copious amounts of sugar and carbs. It certainly did nothing to help them or me.

On the first day of class, I sat everyone in a circle. "Welcome to drama class," I said with a smile. "Let's begin by sharing with everyone a little bit about ourselves. Anything at all you'd like us to know?" A hand went up.

"I'm Tracy, and I hate my stupid ass brother. He can go straight to hell."

"Okay," I said, "That's a start. Who's next?"

Another hand. "I'm Jonathan, and this place sucks so much I wish it would burn to the ground!"

"Fair enough. Anyone else?"

"I'm Jo. I'm schizophrenic. So sometimes I'm Rachel and Julia. You'll know the difference because Rachel has a British dialect, and Julia talks slang."

"O-kay." I glanced at the social workers who sat on the edge of the room and looked at me with an expression that basically said, "We can't wait to see what you do next."

"Let's write a play," I suggested. "Write anything you want. Once you're happy with the work, I'll shape it into a cohesive piece that we'll rehearse and then present at the end of the season talent showcase."

The kids liked this idea. The showcase was a big deal. It was an opportunity for them to blow off some steam and express themselves to friends and family in a creative way. My only stipulation was not to use profanity. As the weeks passed, I was impressed with how well they all threw themselves into this project—all except Eric, the oldest boy in my 12 to 15-year-olds. Eric often wandered around the rehearsal space, unfocused and sullen.

"Any ideas for your piece?" I ask, checking in to see if I could help.

"I'm thinking," he'd say and then pace.

With three weeks left in the summer, I took my well-deserved week off to decompress. My boyfriend came up from Toronto and drove me to his parent's house at Post and Bayview, where caterers were preparing the tennis courts for an outdoor party. I walked into his mother's living room, and she gasped. "What happened to you?"

I didn't blame her. I hadn't spent much time looking at a mirror the past four weeks, but one glance at the large one in their bathroom told the full story. My hair was ratty; I had scabs on my knees, bruises on my arms and legs, and I was sunburnt. I was wearing a vintage skirt and blouse that was probably more Value Village than vintage and a pair of worn, scuffed purple moccasins; in essence, I was wearing slippers on my feet.

"Please take her to the mall and at least buy her a pair of shoes," his mother said, handing me her credit card and then rushing off to make sure the stuffed alligator would float in the pool. That week I ate my way through rugelach, hamantaschen, brisket, and bagels while his family watched me with awe and disgust.

Back at camp, the smell of burning insect repellent greeted me along with the news that the sailing and tennis instructors were sacked for disorderly conduct. Never mind, I had renewed energy and a sense of purpose. There were costumes and props to make. Sound and lighting effects to create. And we needed to rehearse. It was only a tiny stage somewhere on a remote camp in Northern Ontario, but the excitement was palpable. I was excited. This would be the best talent show ever, and my kids were going to blow the socks off everyone there!!!

"Eric," I said, "How's your piece coming along?"

"I finished it," he mentioned casually

"That's great. Can I see it?"

"I want to surprise you. You're going to love it, though. I promise."

I patted myself on the back. Eric had a breakthrough. All my encouragement and patience had paid off. Perhaps I'd helped him have a developmental breakthrough.

"Can you tell me what it's about?" I asked.

"The Beatles."

"Great. Okay," and left it at that.

Talent Night arrived along with parents and family friends. The lights dimmed, the kids performed, and the audience enthusiastically applauded as each "Mighty Mite" or "Spirit of Paradise" breezed across the stage, acting out skits about fairies and monsters and assorted escapades. Finally, it was Eric's turn. Out he came, looking serious and theatrical. He cleared his throat and addressed the audience.

"This is called, The Beatles Last Recording Session. By, Me."

Three of his closest camp friends filed out and took a space on the stage. The audience was silent.

There was a dramatic pause, then the piece began.

"Fuck you, Ringo,"

"Fuck you, Paul."

"Fuck you, George."

"Well fuck you, John."

Then they bowed and left the stage.

Personally, I thought it was kind of brilliant. Needless to say, I wasn't showered with accolades about my teaching methods or the effect I had on kids. I left there having no catharsis about mental health except that giving people the opportunity to express themselves without censor is probably a lot healthier than insisting they stay quiet. I admired the honesty displayed in the kid's work. If only, I thought to myself, I could be half as brave. Wasn't that what I was spending time and money learning how to do?

A week after being home, I found myself packing, once more, for school in New York. Our term letters had arrived with instructions on where to buy character shoes, leotards, copies of The Children's Hour, and Death of a Salesman. The camp already felt like it was 391 kilometers away - soon to be 659. My father drove me to the train station with my stepmother beside him; she was there, no doubt, to ensure I boarded.

"You going to be okay?" my father asked, giving me a hug and slipping a $50 bill into my pocket.

"She'll be fine." Elsie chimed in. "You don't have to worry about her. Let's go."

But I wanted my father to worry about me. Not all the time and to the exclusion of all else, but certainly the appropriate fatherly amount.

As I settled myself on the train, I watched my stepmother pull from father from the platform to the car and thought of Eric's brilliant play. Under my breath, I whispered the immortal words of the Beatles, "Fuck you."

#stepmother #mental health #children #young people #summer camp

[jazminetoad]

@fancyfeetsanji

Sanji finished the meal about an hour later and took five more minutes to work on presentation. It was like a signature and the best part of the preparations. His hands followed his eyes as he carefully placed each portion being mindful of each amount. The silly smile plastered across his face didn't leave until he whirled around almost finished the timer going off on the oven as if on que. His feet had already turned to step in the direction before the sound echoed out only because he mentally timed himself in his own world. A chef or cook always believed presentation to be their most creative moments and some could even be recognized by their style.

Once he laid the tray out with the condiments on the side in silver cups to keep them cool he was content still mentally counting to time himself. With a quick two step he pulled the wraps from the oven allowing her the option to choose which she preferred. Sanji had listened to her words and a hint of sadness lingered giving the cook a quick assumption.

⚜"Terrible childhood Hmm? It's a good thing we are not forced to reflect on the past instead we are forced to always keep moving towards the future. It would suck if things never changed I would assume."⚜

He of course, spoke from his own experiences but was certain it was relevant. His upbringing had made him the man he was today but that didn't change the fact that it at times hurt.

⚜"I do have good news though, while on this ship you can't help but laugh. Now, if you intend to eat with the hood on then I won't be able to see your face when you try the food."⚜

The blond prompted in his own way telling the woman to loosen up a bit. It was far too lively on board the sunny to carry such a burden. A soft chuckle left the cook and he reached above the counter to pull a decorated chart down. Sanji then leaned over the counter to slide it to her giving the woman her options in choice of drink.

The world of alcohol was like a hobby for him and he had even compiled his own list of drinks for fun. Every name on the chart he had made up but the problem was through all the creativity his alcohol did not last long. Like Luffy, his counterpart Zoro was known to often cast no cares to the selections or creativity. Instead he chose his drink based upon the smell and quality and often did not ask. Placing a lock on anything in prevention would be a lost cause and the cook had long since given up on any attempts to keep all his selections in stock.

Shoving his hands into his pockets he leaned back against the counter thankful to the fact that he cleaned as he went so tidying up wasn't too much of a chore. Sanji finished his cigarette quickly and returned to wiping down everything to close his kitchen. The blond carefully placed every utensil and pot back into its place locking the claps to keep them from falling as ship rocked. When finished, he turned to make his own drink in silence mixing a quick martini to sip.

⚜"When you are finished you are welcome to join me, Jazmine San. I intend to enjoy a good choice with a colorful sunset. Even though I have seen it many times it tends to push away my worries perhaps it will work for you too."⚜

Finally, the tacos were done. Jazmine started arranging them to how she likes it. The task was second nature to her by now. She could've cooked them herself to avoid the socialization but that would've been rude to the chef, she had respect for those who took time to cook meals. Not to mention there was just something about when others prepare the tacos that she didn't get when she did the meal herself, maybe she appreciated when she was served, or perhaps it felt like back then when she didn't have to worry about taking care of herself.

Hearing Sanji guessing her childhood was terrible made her internally turn sour. It wasn't her childhood that had been terrible, it had been everything that came afterwards. The people, her powers, her curse, fate, and worst of all, her separation from her brother. Even after everything she has seen, done, and been through, being taken from the only one who cares for her was still the worst thing in her mind, and she had encountered many things.

Glaring at the blond from behind the shadow on her face, a part of her wanted to remark back thanks to the cloak she restrained herself and took a deep breath letting it go. Sanji was just trying to make her feel better, even if it didn't. However, his words did say something, the ship they were on. It was true, the moment she came aboard there was something about the crew that made her feel at ease. That wasn't normal. There were a few close calls to Jazmine almost letting herself go, but each time she tugged the edges of her cloak making it go away.

Eyeing the blond, she gently pulled back the hood just enough so it stayed on her head but now her facial features were in the light. Pale, smooth skin and a dull lime coloured eye, however, her right side still hid behind her brown hair. A blank expression, she replied to Sanji.

『"My childhood is the only thing in my past that I have in my memory that I can call joy, the rest of my past is what is 'terrible'." Jazmine emphasized the last word since it was Sanji's word choice, though it was a word that put it lightly. "As for laughter, I will have to help it, I can't have fun."』

Jazmine looked down to the side once more, biting her tongue to keep her from elaborating. It's not like she hated it, but it didn't feel right when she did, not when her brother wasn't here.

Allowing Sanji to process what she told him, she grasps the chart that was in front of her. Gazing over the options, intrigued by his offer. Normally, Jazmine would've just ordered for ice tea and be done with it, and alcoholic beverages were something she hasn't tasted in a long time, for a reason. Though, one drink couldn't hurt, right?

『"Could you make a lemon ice tea mixed with tequila?" Jazmine politely asked, setting the chart down. "And if it's not too much, could you make it so I can take it with me outside? I'd rather enjoy my meal while gazing at the horizon, I find it peaceful... and it'd be nice to have some company."』

Jazmine did tend to prefer to eat while enjoying a view, usually forestry, it brought her peace of mind and made her think of the good times. She found it better than eating on the go. In a way, she was grateful for Sanji's invitation to go outside.

#fancyfeetsanji #sanji is a smart chef #cleaning as you go #also he sees half her face now #one piece rp

[hergalaxyperfection]

The Writing Process ™

Part Two: The Actual Writing

This is the part we hate. No really, we do. Making the words go is hard. Figuring out where the scenes go is hard. Finding the space and time to actually write is hard, but you gotta stick with it. Writing is like making a puzzle, you’ve just got to put the pieces in place.

Writing is a process, that's why it's called The Writing Process™. Your first draft isn't going to be perfect. It's gonna have simple grammar, spelling errors, extra words, repetitive sentences, misused dialogue, horrible dialogue, too much dialogue, overall terrible writing, etc. It's not gonna be perfect bc it's a draft and it's the first part of creating an entire book. This is where your character will come to life but the words you use and the scenes will meld together with the world around your characters and everything is gonna be wrapped up in a nice little bow or sorts, but that's the end result. The real writing is hard. It's gruesome details and "I can't remember if I wrote that" and a happy little mixture of "my writing sucks" and "this is amazing I am a genius" and it's using Grammar to your advantage and you trying to set the mood and tone and trying to make the plot work and move it forward without any plot holes. Writing is making a story out of your plans. Writing is making sure everything makes sense and comes together. The biggest thing to remember: writing is not just writing, writing is creating and imagining and being so many different things a once.

Drafting is fun though. This is where you get to express most of your creativity while still loosely following The Book Structure™. It won’t follow exactly, but again it’s really up to the writer.

This is where the world jumps out at the reader from the page. This is where the characters deal with a conflict in probably not logical, but relatable ways. This is also where subplots make an appearance. A subplot is like a mini storyline within a story, it’s not quite the main conflict or content, but it still can impact the characters and the world. A huge sublot a lot of books have is romance. We see that a lot in fiction, but that’s not the only one. There are so many and, again, the only thing that limits you is your own creativity. In the writing section, you also see your plans fall into place so you can add subplots and extra details you hadn’t thought of before.

There’s this thing we writer’s love to do and most readers love to read: Plot Twists. This is a major thing. A plot twist can be considered a climax or used as a climax. Some can be huge and completely change the direction of the plot so it’s okay to use a plot twist as your climax. There’s also this other thing that’s smaller, but still has a somewhat significant change to either the characters, the world, or the story’s plot: Plot Turn. These aren’t often as big or significant as a Plot Twist. These are more minor and less shocking, some can even be predicted. These are easier to come up with and include too. The best Plot Twists and Plot Turns also use some foreshadowing to hint at the big or smaller change. Still try to leave your reader unsuspecting, but when it happens they will realize that what the piece of foreshadowing was hinting at. I don’t know about you, but when that happens to me, I feel like a dumbass because “Man, I should've noticed.”

Language is a huge part of the writing. The styles you use can make a huge impact on how intelligent the character is, how complex your story is, what words you use (vocabulary), and how complex your sentences are. The perspective that you write in can also have a huge impact on the story. Language and the style you use helps to improve your voice as a writer and also helps to develop a style or way that you enjoy writing.

With all books, there are many lessons to be learned. I, for one, did not purposely write a specific lesson that could be learned, but my book still had a couple different ones because they developed with the plot and the characters and the world. It doesn’t have to be something you’re really focused on. It can be side note lesson. You really don’t have to have a lesson in mind unless you really want one to be used, but it should be something to at least keep in the back of your mind.

Writing is basically a lot a lot a lot of hard work and it takes a lot a lot a lot of time. This shit does not happen in a day. But it becomes more fun and exciting the more you write because you get the joy of seeing your characters, your settings, your conflicts, your plot, your words come together to make a beautiful work of art. It may have a couple flaws, but that is perfectly okay. That’s what editing is for. I think the best part about writing is you get to be creative with how you word different things. You are the author so you get to decide what people say, what happens, and how everything changes and interacts. It’s really up to you.

And then there’s our trusty friend called Writer’s Block. He’s an asshole, but we can always count on him to make sure our work doesn’t get done. Often a lot of writer’s struggle with writer’s block. This is often when a writer can’t determine where they want to go in a story or they don’t know what to write to continue on with their plot and make their story flow. The best thing to do when you’ve got writer’s block is to just keep writing. I know it sounds weird, but it’s true. I like to do little exercises like write a little scene/one shot using your characters and give them a little story. It’s difficult yes, but it will help in a few different ways: it can help get rid of our pesky friend, it can help you better develop your characters, and it can spark a new idea that you want to include in your story. Writer’s block comes and it goes, but honestly, that’s just part of being a writer.

The best thing to do is just keep writing. Your chapters or scenes will develop and flow smoothly the more you keep writing and your writing will also improve the more you do it. Sometimes your writing skill needs some time to catch up to your ideas. And that’s perfectly okay. Nothing is wrong with that, don’t get discouraged, don’t get upset if you’re writing is below the level you want it to be at, because in the end you are still writing and that’s the most important part. When writing a book, you really don’t have to worry about much. Don’t worry about page count, word count, what people will think about it. Just be creative and follow your plot and plans. It’s your story so you should tell it how you want. No matter what, in the end when you finish your first draft a sense of achievement and pride will wash over you because hey, you just wrote an entire book and it came solely from you skull sponge.

#publishing process #writing process #writing tips #writing #part one #writing is hard #writing advice

[animentality]

I know short and simple shit posts are The Format of successful posts and they generally need to be super positive or super shit post y.

But I can't help it.

I have more than one THOUGHT.

I like to analyze more than just one thing or comment on just one thing.

And to be honest, salty people on this site hate that I, what was it?

Dislike something?

Bitch you dislike me, but all you can say is that I suck.

At least I can use my words and articulate what it is I don't like about something.

What a pathetic existence you must live, if all you can do is feel angry, but not express it in creatively or in any shape or form.

Jeez.

People don't appreciate the diversity in human thought, they just want people to agree with them and do it in a way they can easily reblog.

I mean look at this post.

It's gone on too long already, you moved on after a sentence.

Short and sweet would've worked better.

But I can't help myself, i've got too much to say.

[xjustlikeyou]

hi! thank you for your answer, I really appreciate it. I can't even tell you the impact the answers you and gina gave me had on me.

It may not seem much but to me someone saying that my struggles matter made me realize that, yeah, things actually happened to me. Im not making up everything I feel bad about.

i saw your message and I instantly wanted to tell you everything! hahaha but really, thank you.

about the journaling advice, I've tried. even on my phone, or computer or whatever, but I'm never able to actually do it. I simply hate everything i write and i can't ever be honest, not even with myself, and i just erase it immediately.

I feel like messages like the one I sent you are different, cause I can't erase it and pretend I didn't send it if I don't like it. (which is something I would have done since I was embarrassed and i felt like you didn't need me to vent like that in your ask box).

and about the dating thing I don't know, i had one bad experience with a boy and just threw the whole idea of dating out the window. I think maybe I'm still too ashamed of my sexuality and identity to put myself out there. I've been thinking for a long time that ill never be able to find someone and now I guess I'm not ready. I don't know, it's still confusing.

once again, you don't have to answer me!! knowing you'll read it's enough!!

💞 -P

Oh good!!! I’m glad you saw it. I wasn’t sure what to tag it so you could find it. 

One thing I’ve learned is that no matter who you are - your thoughts, experiences, and feelings absolutely matter and are so important. Unfortunately, there’s a lot of money being put into messages that try to downplay all of that while simultaneously selling you something to “fix” it so really the only person who can uphold validity and importance is you (and maybe a good therapist). So keep telling yourself your feelings are valid, your experiences have mattered, and that you deserve to get through the other side of all this. 

You’re quite welcome!!

I feel you on that. I suck at journaling. But I do great with creative writing. Sometimes it’s easier to work out my shit through characters who may or may not look like me. Nobody has to see them either and they don’t have to be fleshed out full stories either. Just snippets of - what might this look like? What is something I’m dying to say out loud to someone and what other context could that occur in and then I’ll write that scene in a doc somewhere. It may or may not come to something later. Others like making playlists that say the things they can’t say or found poetry or reading about similar things. There’s not a lot of asexual fanfic out there but there’s some! That might help. I think it’s just really important to find some way to get all the things inside out somehow. It feels like it lessens the power of the thoughts/feelings/anxieties. 

Have you ever heard the expression don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater? Definitely take all the time you need to heal from that experience but don’t let it ruin dating for you forever. Nobody wins in that scenario -- especially not you. But there’s no rush. There’s now a lot of wlw media out there whether you like books, or movies, or musicals or whatever. For me, the emo scene of the early 2000s and then this rabbit hole of one direction I fell in - really helped normalize and validate things I was thinking and feeling and connected me to others who are outside of the normative narriatives. 

Find your people! When you’re up for it - you can go on dating apps and just look for mentors/friends/allies and even use an alias or make another email just for it. 

Also, you may wanna consider challenging “all or nothing” thinking when you can catch it. Nothing is absolute beyond the fact our time in this experience is limited - so we might as well find the joy in it where and when we can, right? 

Best of luck to you and thanks again for reaching out! I’ll be here for whenever you need and cheering you on. 

#anon #p #Anonymous