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grungeprincess2 · 8 months

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Kurt Cobain Quotes

1. I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.

2. Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

3. Friends are nothing but a known enemy.

4. Wanting to be someone else is a waste of who you are.

5. If my eyes could show my soul, everyone would cry when they saw me smile.

6. I am definitely a feminist. I'm f--king disgusted by the way women are still treated. It's 1993 and some people still think we're in 1950s. We need to make more progress. There needs to be more female musicians, more female artists, more female writers. Everything is dominated by f--king males and I'm sick of it!

7. Thank you for the tragedy. I need it for my art.

8. Drugs are a waste of time. They destroy your memory and your self-respect and everything that goes along with with your self-esteem. They're no good at all.

9. We're so trendy we can't even escape ourselves.

10. I definitely feel closer to the feminine side of the human being than I do the male - or the American idea of what a male is supposed to be. Just watch a beer commercial and you'll see what I mean.

11. I mean, I’m definitely gay in spirit, and I probably could be bisexual. But I’m married, and I’m more attracted to Courtney [Love] than I ever have been toward a person, so there’s no point in trying to sow my oats at this point. [Laughs] If I wouldn't have found Courtney, I probably would have carried on with a bisexual lifestyle.

12. Ever since the beginning of rock and roll, there's been an Axl Rose. And it's just boring. It's totally boring to me.

13. I thought I would try to be gay for a while, but I'm just more sexually attracted to women. But I'm really glad that I found a few gay friends, because it totally saved me from becoming a monk or something.

14. If any of you, in any way, hate homosexuals, people of a different color or women, please do this one favor for us—leave us the fuck alone. Don’t come to our shows and don’t buy our records.

15. The problem with groups who deal with rape is that they try to educate women about how to defend themselves. What really needs to be done is teaching men not to rape. Go to the source and start there.

16. The duty of youth is to challenge corruption.

17. We’re not as popular as everyone thinks, and we’re not as rich as everyone thinks.

18. There are a lot of things I wish I would have done, instead of just sitting around and complaining about having a boring life.

19. Punk is musical freedom. It’s saying, doing, and playing what you want.

20. Words suck. I mean, everything has been said. Words aren’t as important as the energy derived from music, especially live.

21. I'm a spokesman for myself. It just so happens that there's a bunch of people that are concerned with what I have to say. I find that frightening at times because I'm just as confused as most people. I don't have the answers for anything.

22. Holding my baby is the best drug in the world.

23. No one is afraid of heights, they’re afraid of falling down. No one is afraid of saying I love you, they’re afraid of the answer.

24. I use bits and pieces of others’ personalities to form my own.

25. If you die you're completely happy and your soul somewhere lives on. I'm not afraid of dying. Total peace after death, becoming someone else is the best hope I've got.

26. I just can’t believe anyone would start a band just to make the scene and be cool and have chicks. I just can’t believe it.

27. To be positive at all times is to ignore all that is important, sacred and valuable. To be negative at all times is to be threatened by ridiculousness and instant discredibility.

28. You can’t buy happiness.

30. Nobody dies a virgin. Life f***s us all.

31. Music is energy. A mood, atmosphere. Feeling.

33. If you’re really a mean person you’re going to come back as a fly and eat poop.

34. There’s good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too f****** sad.

35. I have to admit I’ve found myself doing the same things that a lot of other rock stars do or are forced to do. Which is not being able to respond to mail, not being able to keep up on current music, and I’m pretty much locked away a lot. The outside world is pretty foreign to me.

36. I really miss being able to blend in with people.

37. It’s better to burn out than fade away.

38. God is gay

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iloveyou-writers · 2 months

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Hi! I'm sorry this ended up longer than I intended to. I really needed to let it out, and I hope you can share some wisdom with me.

I am feeling hopeless about my writing today. Lately I've been fighting with thoughts about how I'm not getting better, and some jealousy completely pushed me to the edge.

For the past couple of months, I've been working on one of the biggest fanfic projects of mine. Normally I don't read on a fandom if I'm actively working for it, exactly because then I compare my writing to others', but since this is taking more time than my other stuff, I allowed myself to take a look today. I immediately found a story that I haven't seen before, and I was exited the whole time! It was great, and have me so much joy.

At first I was full of admiration towards the writer, and inspired to continue woekint on my own story. It was one of the best things I've ever read, and I immediately sat down to write a comment. Then something clicked. My story can't compare to this. The topics are so much different, but the way they write the characters, dialogues, everything, it's so much better.

I tried to tell myself I'm going to get better, but I just hate that despite having great ideas, the finished work will never live up to stories such as the one I read today. Because even though I know I've gotten better in the many years I've been writing, I never had any work I'm proud of, or one that fit the idea I started with. That what makes me feel the most hopeless.

This broke my heart, so I don't want to ignore it, even though I'm "technically" retired from tumblr.

I do want to offer my utmost respect to you for giving yourself boundaries due to knowing yourself well enough to acknowledge that you have an issue with envy.

It is so healthy that you try to work with what you know your attitude tends to be and that you set a boundary for yourself not to read fanfic while you're writing. It isn't that you're not allowed to ever read it, but while you're writing in the fandom. That's great. That's wonderful. I'm proud of you for that.

It can be really easy to fall into the hole of "I'm never going to be good enough." You read something and you can be so amazed by others. I'll bet, though, that if you wrote the exact story you just read, you would likely feel differently about it. Why? Because we artists are HARD on ourselves. It really is true when they say that artists are our own worst critics. We judge every word, every movement our characters make. Why? Because we know the story we're trying to tell. We know what we envisioned when we started typing.

To us, we're comparing our writing to what we wanted it to be.

Readers? Yeah, they can have expectations or hopes for writing, but they ultimately didn't know what we were envisioning while we wrote it. They only know what they read. So they see it with fresh eyes and they see it for what it is, not for what it was supposed to be.

So it's really easy for readers to see the amazing aspects of a writer's work when a writer might only see what they did wrong or what they had to change in order to make the story work.

It's still the same incredible piece. It's still wonderful and I'll bet you're a much better writer than you feel like you are. 💗🫂

Maybe take a step back. Maybe take a few days off, so that the feeling of being "worse" isn't so fresh. Maybe do something else or work on a totally different story. Busy your mind so it isn't focused on what you feel you're not doing right.

No one's perfect. I guarantee the writer that made the story you read is nitpicking the things they wish they didn't have to change or that they feel they could have worded better.

So cut yourself slack. Remember to love your writing, to love where you're at. Writing is a journey. It isn't about getting to the destination. It's about enjoying the ride there. :) You'll get there, just remember to appreciate your writing for what it is now. And one day, you'll be where you want to be. Just keep working at it and loving yourself and your work.

Thank you for reaching out and I really, really hope you find comfort in this response.

Happy writing, my dear nonnie. 💗 I'm wishing nothing but happiness and pride in your work.

~Hannah

#writers of tumblr #asks #advice #positivity #anonymous

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docholligay · 2 months

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The Lies of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch

Nonspoilery: This is a super fun read that is very much in keeping with how I like my fantasy. I wish it were slightly more on the con man side, but I recognize that those are very difficult to write because one needs to actually be clever enough to come up with the insanely clever plan that unfolds, and, you know what, I'm not there either. But it absolutely is a fun crimey fantasy novel, well written that expects you can actually follow a line of description and maybe even look up a big word, that tries very hard not to bore you with needing to refer to a glossary or map.

I will say, and I'll talk about this more below: There are basically no women in this novel. it's a little disappointing. I still overall think it's worth it if you like this sort of thing though.

SPOILERS BELOW:

THIS is the kind of thing pitchless draw was made for. You could not have talked me into reading this book. Unless you possess an incredible skill--I'm not sure *I* could have talked me into reading this book, and supposedly no one knows me better.

But I did really enjoy myself. This is a flat out FUN novel, that doesn't mind being long but never feels long. I LOVED the long bits of description in this book, I BEG for flavor in some many modern novels that strip away anything that isn't an immediate moving of the ball. Actually, one of the things I would say that's not a criticism so much as a preference, is that I feel like this book, and probably this writer, remembering his short story from Rogues, is more plot-driven than character driven. I am a girl who loves a really interior novel, and this isn't that, but it did not stop me from having a GREAT time. It's a romp.

I like Locke, and his whole backstory. I wish he were a woman. Specifically, I would love to see a femme con artist, second coming of Minako Aino, Becky Sharp ass bitch. THAT would be my dream for Locke Lamora. And I know my friends who have read this book all want butch Locke and I love that for you, and I know y'all have known me long enough to know I love a butch, but I deserve a treat as well, and I LOVE con artists, and goddamnit, if I could change one thing about this novel, Locke Lamora would be a femme lesbian and I would change NOTHING else. You wouldn't even have to. One fo the great things about Lynch not being a real interior writer is literally any of the mains could be a woman and it would change nothing.

This does segue into the big problem here--there's no women in this novel. It's a 700 page book and I could condense the lines said by women into like two or three pages. I actually DO get it. I think we're reaping a little bit of what we've sown, as a community, with the requirement for perfection in our representation that leads to very boring and safe choices. Everyone is a man. We're only swarthy at best. Can't be criticized for bad identity writing if you don't write them at all! ANd this isn't me being salty, I get how that happens, I have also sometimes fallen into making any character of identity boring as fuck or not writing them at all to avoid any criticism. And no one cares about ME, I'm not a best seller. I do think, maybe, people will get better about this. Pendulums and all. I miss the awkward, good faith 90s where you had the United Colors of Benetton and one character who randomly celebrated Hanukkah. We'll see.

ANYHOW NOT RELEVANT. But I do find it irritating that because of this, we don't see women in this huge story at all. None of the gang, even though it would have been easy as fuck to make, say, Bug a girl. Even doing something like making Nazca Barsavi the actual heir apparent, and to have her marrying Locke because she knows he won't try to be Capa, and she'll let him do whatever the fuck he wants, can play the henpecked husband while being the Thorn of Camorr, could be really fun and would do more for Nazca and also play up their friendship. It could make her death mean a lot more, if they were running their own little Barsavi con.

Anyhow, the really fantastic behind the scenes worldbuilding was how I wish more fantasy novels did it. It didn't often try to explain things to me, it spoke as if I mostly understood them, or had cahracters say them in ways that made sense to the story (In this capacity, Lukas Fehrwright is fucking BRILLIANT as Someone That Must Have Camorr Explained). So I didn't feel like I was being sat down and told the history of a place I barely know, while having stupid fucking vocabulary words thrown at me. We never define any physik or magic beyond what needs be done because fuck you that's why. I love it. Thank you for not telling me what alchemical botany can or can't do. Thank you for dropping literally only what I need to kjnow about wraithstone into the plot. You have a crown in heaven.

Or I know I said I wish it would have been more con-ny and less "kill the new mob boss" at the end there, but oh my fuck, how much did I love the whole job at the counting house. I SCREAMED. It was so good, I had no clue where it was going the whole time and I would never have gotten there, but I LOVED it. What a great time.

One...weakness, for me, I guess I'll say, is that lack of interiority makes it hard to really feel the weight of some things. We don't get enough about Galdo, Calo, or Bug to feel anything for them, and I knew Bug was dead from the time he showed up. Actually, I thought we were going to kill jean Tannen, because that was the only relationship REALLY laden with emotional weight in the book. Didn't bother me enough to not recommend the book, as I'm mostly recommending it on fun, but I did notice.

ANYWAY, uh...any specific questions I'm happy to take!

Unfortunately, this means that @verbforverb nabbed me again. So, I had a great time reading the book but at what cost

#Doc reads

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parabugz · 1 month

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intro .. ~ 𖤐⭒๋࣭⭑

basics 💜

🛸my name is milli, you can also call me para or zebub! (other names i like to be called are jecka, zi, seven, lar, twi, & gen)

🌿DID system, AuDHD, cancer survivor, ♐︎, ENG/ESP

👻my prns are irk/it/zir/chem/bot and i also use he/him

🪲ENTJ 1w9 SO Chol, 16yo

🦇nihilist, occultist (daemonolatry study), theistic satanist

toyhouse, twitter (art), twitter (main), youtube, comic, carrd (soon)

`` . . . . `` hellooo! i am a furry artist & casual V-artist streamer but mostly on tumblr i just indulge in fandom stuff ✩ here i sometimes post my art, talk abt my comic & mostly just interact with other people... tl;dr i am a lurker more than a poster

im also a highschool dropout anddd studying to get a GED and get into an art college rn!

fandoms🔥

⋆｡°✩ CURRENT HYPERFIX: vampair, my little pony, hyperdimension neptunia, murder drones💜

murder drones, saw franchise, aggretsuko, invader zim, kakegurui, breaking bad, beastars, l4d2, fnaf, kwite, ironmouse, K-ON, R.A.T.S., gemini home entertainment, bojack horseman, tuca & bertie, sex education, class of 09, transformice, skullgirls, sam & max, meemeows, aphmau, scott pilgrim, regretevator, hyperdimension neptunia, assassins creed, lucky star, DDLC, MMPOH, The Cat Returns, IANOWT, TEOTFW, Yansim (sorry!), Roblox DOORS, MMHOPH, Kittydog, Animaniacs, PATB, Vampair, Mystery Skulls,

kins👽

Uzi Doorman, Luka (FCU), Sadie Miller, Maximillion (S&M), Roxie Richter, ASDF Cow, Starlight Glimmer, Shuriken (Phighting), Dib Membrane, Brett Hand, Tome Kurata, Huohuo (H:SR), Darlene Anderson, Jecka ('09), Neptune (HDN), Zooble, Nana Ashida, Akira Kogami, Konata Izumi, sayori.chr, Haru Yoshioka, Sydney Novak, Figure (DOORS), Mao Mao, Wakko, Missi (The Vampair),

friends😈

@mel10k my best friend ever since we were little babies... he knows my deepest darkest secrets his only flaw is that hes horrible at actually everything

@rt-lots raegan my coworker buddy... very very smart and funny, a beautiful writer, & co-creator of our comic! cute cute CUTE GOOD art & he tries so hard everyday so check her out

@horriblegonzo insane little thing. we bonded over being cringe years ago and now were friends forever. she draws fucked up monsters and shit; read honks comic

@sparrowofsardinia raegans brother... hes cool I FUCKING GUESS. funny and has good taste in stuff.... hi charlie. thanks for being my movie night buddy

+more who either dont have tumblr or idk their tumblr so lmk 👾

DNI

bigots (racist, ableist, transphobic, homophobic, cultural or religious discrimination, etc), TERFs+SWERFs, transmeds, zoophiles, shotacon/lolicon, "MAPs"/pedos, homestuck fans, proshippers, transabled

just a note for me, as a person, if something you say directly upsets me or i think is uncalled for, im going to be blunt about it and try to talk abt it. if you cant have a mature convo then whatever but i hate internet drama so fucking much tl;dr theres a block button and we should both use it

last edit: 04/22/2024

#intro #intro post #introduction #tumblr intro #pinned #furry #artist #digital artist #clip studio paint #parabugz #interests #aita #am i the asshole

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not-poignant · 10 months

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How much does money effect how and what you write? If money wasn't an issue would you write more or less? Or would you still write but go with different ideas?

As a professional artist myself I sometimes ponder what projects I'd choose to do if I wasn't worried about finances. Because sometimes the things we want to create aren't financially viable, and that can really put a limit on our creative freedom and potential. But it's sometimes nice to daydream right

Hi hi anon,

Tbh I don't know how to easily answer these questions, because I do need money to live, and that's tied into my writing, so it's hard to imagine exactly how things would change.

Generally speaking, I'm quite a... rebellious writer, in the sense that I work hard to find readers who like what I do, vs. writing to market or writing for broad or wide audiences. The former would net me more money, faster. But I don't really do anything the 'right' way, I do it in the way that is the most fun for me.

So wherever possible, I am actually trying to do the things that best explore my creative freedom and potential. I tried writing more to market with Perth Shifters and while I don't regret writing those books, I don't love them like others do and I can't reread them, and didn't really enjoy the process. It actually taught me a lot about the costs of like... trying to do things the 'right way' because it makes more sense from a business perspective.

It didn't make more sense for me. Having unmedicated ADHD for so much of this was definitely a part of that!

Otherwise though, there are things that would change. For a start, I'd work less and take more breaks. I'd also have more nights to myself. I actually sacrifice a lot of evenings (particularly early evenings) to put up chapters in a timezone that's most user-friendly to the majority of people in the northern hemisphere. For many years that actually meant I could never go out and see friends or family on a Friday night.

Now it's Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday (not always, but at least always Thursdays). So when I'm organising cathcing up with people, there's a lot of 'I can't do it that day.'

I'd say money most effects how much I write. I wouldn't have a monthly word-count to hit, if this was just a hobby, for example. I definitely wouldn't write as much! But honestly, I already write less than I used to. Over time, I've realised the things I want/need the most are the things I should be working into my career anyway. Part of being your own boss is not being as much of a cunt to yourself as your other bosses were ;)

And I'm a pretty terrible boss to myself! I'm working on being less of that, lol.

I don't think I'd really write that many different ideas. I'd probably write more fanfiction.

I've been quite lucky, because in many respects, I have altered my writing career to suit me, instead of altering myself to suit a generic writing career. I think the latter is a really great path to permanent burnout, and I've been doing this for almost 10 years, and I feel like I'm figuring it out more and more as time goes by.

I write very self-indulgent stories! I didn't think Falling Falling Stars would be successful, anon. I thought people would hate me for it, I thought I'd lose money for it.

My writing career is running a line between 'I think this will earn money' and 'I think this won't but I'm so obsessed with this project I think others will get obsessed with it too so it might not be as big a risk as I fear it is.' If anything, anon, Mallory & Mount feels like probably the biggest risk, along with Vexteria, anything that isn't Fae Tales. But I'm going to take those risk/s, because I want to trust that they'll pay off.

I like to think that one of the reasons many of my readers trust me and my writing, is that they know I'm writing the stuff I love the most, in the way I love the most - hurt/comfort and trauma recovery and BDSM in serial format. I'm not forcing myself to be a more typical writer. The downside to that is I don't yet make a liveable income. The upside to that is that I make a steady income with readers who really get this writing, and who are wonderful people.

When I used to work as a professional artist, I pretty quickly started refusing commissions. I don't do writing commissions either. There's so many things I don't do that I could do purely for money. I've made a lot of choices for quality of life, keeping my health in mind, which means the only thing I'd really change anon is nothing really to do with the content, and everything to do with just the amount.

If I had a secure income, I'd write, but I'd write less. And a bit more of it might be fanfiction. But who knows! I hope you can find more ways to make the things that seem like financial dead-ends into something viable. Falling Falling Stars looks like a dead-end from the outside in, it's an 800k novel about a boy learning how to be nicer, and that's it. It has no huge epic plot, it has no especially dense worldbuilding, it's 9-10 times longer than a standard novel. It should never have been financially viable.

Yet it was one of the more successful things I've ever written, and plenty of newcomers into the fandom these days get here via Falling Falling Stars and not Game Theory. Isn't that wild?

Sometimes it's the thing that breaks the rules that still does well. I like to think that's a combination of me really loving the thing, and it having a lot of authenticity in it, which means there's a lot for other folks to resonate with and feel personally. And maybe some skill to pull it off!

I'm very lucky to be where I'm at. But I'm also pretty realistic that I don't think I could be successful if I only made 'financially smart choices' because I would have so little of my heart left in it, that I'd eventually just abandon it entirely.

And frankly, I think a lot of viewers / readers etc. can tell when someone doesn't love something. Or at least, some of them can. It's more fun when we all get to love the same thing together, vs. me writing stuff while thinking 'but I really wish I was writing this other stuff' and my readers loving something I don't. The latter is pretty crushing, and I can't do that. I'd rather work retail, instead of turning a creative career into that.

That's my biggest flaw as a creator, frankly, that I'm selfish enough and indulgent enough that it has to be very much on my terms, and therefore that only appeals to a narrow bandwidth of readers/folks. That doesn't mean I don't work really fucking hard, but I could only work this hard for something that feeds my soul and allows me creative freedom, I'm too sick (literally) to consider any other options.

And if 'money at the expense of creative freedom' was my actual goal, I would do literally any other job that guaranteed an income, because you can make way more consistently doing retail, than you can doing even 'commercially viable writing' in many cases!

#asks and answers #pia on writing #pia on publishing #i didn't start out writing original fiction for a career #i was already following my bliss #so the readers i started with #were the readers who loved what i loved #and over time that's mostly stayed the same #and you know what - when we all kind of love the same thing #even to different degrees #idk... we see writers sometimes in writing groups like #'how do i guarantee an income' and it's like #if you want a guaranteed income get another job #and then work on this on the side #in the meantime #but i'm in a weird position salfkjasd #i tried making choices for 'financial reasons' and i just #found it too crushing to continue #when i continue Perth Shifters it will be on my own terms and it won't be in the constraints of a #'standard novel format' anymore

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siena-sevenwits · 4 months

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Blogging The Last Unicorn, Chapters 2-3 (reread)

I skipped the opening chapter and will return to it once I’m properly into the story – that first chapter always gets in the way of my rereading.

Oh, I love, love Peter S. Beagle’s lyrical prose and overly thoughtful dialogue. It’s a matter of taste, for sure, but every page is just a little gemmed casket of gleaming lines, and I love it. And the sheer sense of atmosphere!

I remember when I first read this book wondering whether the young Peter Beagle was terrified of old age, weakness, and what some perceive as ugliness. I gathered this particularly from the scene where the Unicorn hears Elli sing the song of old age, and she’s filled with more horror than almost anything in the story (and this is echoed by what happens to her later in the book.) And there are other ways this is touched on throughout the tale. But on reread I see much more appreciation for the gift of growing old too. In fact, it’s considered a curse that one character is physically stuck in his twenties, and a grace when that curse is lifted. And though Molly is angry and broken hearted that the Unicorn didn’t come to her in the innocence of her youth but instead found her in her middle age, full of cares, Molly ultimately finds the greatest joys and meaning in her life at this later age. She is even called beautiful, I think. But I’m getting ahead of the story.

It seems to me that it is right that the unicorn should find old age and death horrifying, for she was created to be immortal, and is fulfilling her nature. Whereas the humans, who were created mortal, fear aging but ultimately embrace it, and thus learn to fulfill their natures.

It’s Chapter Two, and Schmendrick is with us! One of the two best characters in the book! I am amazed how many sides of his character are actually seen within the first few chapters, though they might be more evident on reread.

I love books that strike me as faintly (or strongly) allegorical by turns, but which are so multi-faceted that nothing in the story can really function as a simple, easily translatable symbol. The parallels are always shifting. We can see profound thoughts in the work if we interpret Schmendrick now as a type of the frustrated creative writer, and now as the soul encountering the divine for the first time, and now as a double sided coin of youth and old age. But he’s not a cardboard character, and any allegorical reading ceases to work if you try to apply it to the whole story. In that respect this book is a little like Tolkien’s work – extremely applicable by various lights, but impossible to draw up a table of who symbolizes what. I suppose that is the kind of story our own lives are.

Speaking of Schmendrick the creative artist, this analogy means a lot to me and makes the part where he tries to open the cage dear to me. I love that he had the keys the whole time but wanted it to be the beautiful spell that got her free.

“You deserve the services of a great wizard, but I’m afraid you’ll have to be glad of the aid of a second-rate pickpocket,” is a dear line to me.

Mommy Fortuna knows Schmendrick and the Unicorn have been conspiring, and probably that they mean to escape, but she seems no more worried about it than she does about the harpy getting free. Is it for the same reason? That she held them captive once and they will always remember it, and that’s her immortality? Or some other reason? Also, the lock speaks in Mommy Fortuna’s voice when Schemndrick steals the key and tries to open the cage.

I love that the string of threats, “YOU BARBED WIRE! YOU PILE OF STONES! […] I’LL CHANGE YOUR HEART INTO GREEN GRASS, AND ALL YOU LOVE INTO A SHEEP! I’LL TURN YOU INTO A BAD POET WITH DREAMS! I’LL SET ALL YOUR TOENAILS GROWING INWARD, YOU MESS WITH ME!” (capitals mine) is answered with, “What are you talking about? You can’t turn cream into butter. I never did like you. You give yourself airs, and you’re not very strong.”

“A bloodshot moon burst out of the clouds, and the unicorn saw her – swollen gold, her streaming hair kindling, the slow, cold wings shaking the cage.” I love it. Some people don’t, but I just love it. It’s indigo prose, not purple, so far as I am concerned. In another story, it might not work. But it does here.

On the whole this book is just masterful, but there are moments when Beagle feels just a little self indulgent in a way that calls attention to itself. The Unicorn telling Arachne, “It’s very attractive, but it’s not art,” on her way to free the Harpy from her cage feels this way to me. So does, “Have a taco,” (which we haven’t reached yet, but it’s one of the few things in this book I sort of hate, so it’s present in my mind.)

#I likely won't do this regularly for every passage #but it gave me joy tonight.#peter s. beagle #recovering reader #coreander's old books

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iwoszareba · 1 year

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there is a prompt going around in wotr fandom to describe why your KC loves their chosen LI and I may not be a proper writer but I do love talking about Sosiel

- - -

"I will see you tomorrow, my dear."

Even now the way Sosiel looked at me with such tenderness was enough to make me smile. I kissed his cheek, bid him goodnight and already started to feel the lack of his presence beside me.

"Someone who is willing to go to the Abyss and back for you sure is a keeper." I returned to the room where my sister was still sipping her cup of rose petal tea. "Are you two planning anything serious?"

Innocent enough question but with the way Khadija's fox ears were slightly quivering I knew she was fishing for gossip. To combat such interest I put on a slightly confused expression.

"Not to my knowledge."

She tried to inspect my face for a while longer just to admit defeat with a sigh.

"Fine, keep your secrets. I'm just happy for you is all. You became so serious about things after your naming ceremony. I was worried you will finish your studies and upon return call for a matchmaker so they make sure you best serve the interests of the family or some such tripe."

I snickered at her tone and made myself comfortable at the opposite side of the table.

"Our brother and his match worked out fine. Are you doubting the wisdom of his choices?"

"I'm happy for him too! I'm sure he will make a great patriarch one day, such a steadfast and reliable guy he is." Even her compliments couldn't fully cover up the indignation. "But I also think that madly in love first, commitment second is the correct order of things."

"It's because you are a sappy romantic."

I instantly regretted my teasing as it was all the excuse she needed to continue her interrogation.

"Sure am! Yet somehow you were the one to catch yourself a cleric of Shelyn. How romantic is that? Tsk tsk. You need to explain yourself, young man."

I raised my open palms like I was just caught red handed.

"It's not like I planned to have feelings. It just happened."

She laughed and my cheeks grew hotter as I realised how silly what I just said must have sounded.

"I'm glad we established a baseline for how having emotions generally works, so how long it took you to get those pesky feelings?"

I hesitated. I knew the honest answer would get her riled up even more but I did not wish to lie about this either. She pushed the biscuit box across the table as a peace offering. I took a cookie and relented.

"The first time we spoke…"

"No!" She gasped and covered her mouth with one hand. "Love at first sight? That's the pinnacle of sappy romance!"

"It wasn't love. More like…" I tried to choose my words more carefully this time "...finding a kindred spirit in an unlikely place. An oasis after days of walking the desert. We were both far from home, doing something outside of our nature for the sake of our families. And what a sight the two of us must have made: young artist and young academic trying very hard to appear like we have any business being in the military among grizzled veterans. Funny how easy it is to make a strong connection when it means you feel less alone."

"I'm sure him being easy on the eyes helped too."

Khadija winked at me and raised her teacup in toast.

"What can we do other than appreciate beauty when we see it?" I conceded with a smile "But to be perfectly honest it was his ideals that intrigued me the most. He was so strongly aligned with protection. Dangerous position to take when you take active part in a war, the embodiment of destruction. I thought: alone this man will break. And I wished to be the counterpoint that makes sure he stays standing."

No teasing remark followed my words, to the contrary my sister seemed to be deep in thought for what felt like an unbearably long moment.

"You know how in books love at first sight is usually about appearances, but in the really good books it's about how you saw something in the other person even if you didn't fully understand it at the time? You experienced the latter."

I opened and closed my mouth, not quite sure how to respond to that.

"But you can't leave it there! What happened next? Lingering glances, candlelit dinners? There must have been at least one poem, if not I will have to tell your man that he is unworthy of being Shelyn's cleric!"

I chuckled, thankful for the subject change.

"There was a poem, he wrote it himself. It wasn't very good. I believe I still have it somewhere in my bag. The sentiment behind the words was genuinely quite touching. And he arranged an orchestra when he decided to pop the big question."

Thankfully Khadija already finished drinking so her surprise couldn't turn into a choking hazard.

"He proposed?"

"No. He simply asked if I want to be with him. On one knee! A little over the top but I admit it did make me feel special… Now he is embarrassed about how flowery his gestures were at the time."

"Why? Isn't that just par for the course with courtly romance?"

"Yes, but it's not truly about the actions themselves." I looked at my hands lying still on the surface of the table, slight discomfort always present in one of them "It's about the thoughts behind them. Stories we tell to ourselves. Watching him struggle with it made me understand this better in myself. You can try to mould yourself into a paragon of faith as much as you want but at the end of the day you are still just a person. And it wasn't that bad of a realisation because now we get to be us. Together."

#pwotr pals #wotr #Sosiel Vaenic #idk if this fully belongs in the tag but as someone who craves sosiel content i feel compelled to share #oc: aqil meru #writing tag

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expansionofsoul · 1 year

Text

Profile - Jake Kiszka

Words: 2400

Synopsis: Jake Kiszka is joined by a music journalist as they work together on his profile.

Warnings: None!

Note: In real life, I am a music journalist and have written multiple profiles before - although they are never in English. That being said, this is a completely made up profile. Hope you enjoy this different approach, and I am so sorry for taking this long to write again!

If you’d like to be added to a taglist, let me know. Here is a link to my masterlist, with the rest of my work. :)

Jake offers me another piece of cake. He was excited when I told him I liked chocolate cake, and considered it his duty to offer me as many pieces as he could without making me sick. This would be my third, and his second. I wasn’t exactly truthful when I accepted another piece, as I was so incredibly full I could feel my entire body reacting to the dessert.

As we ate, he kept one of his hands free, so he could touch his birthday candles. Closer to thirty than to twenty, as he had said before. When we first met and he suggested that we did his profile during a weekend in April, I immediately accepted. It was my mistake, as a professional, that I didn’t notice it was his birthday weekend. I called him a few days after our first meeting, and offered another weekend the month after, but he insisted that it was the best date for him, and changing it would make him upset.

That was the first thing I learned about Jake Kiszka - the man, not the guitarist. Other than the quiet, reserved man I was expecting to meet, I was immediately introduced to a very sensitive man, that took every word into consideration during conversations and wanted to make sure everything went the perfect way. Fearing it would make him give up if I, once again, suggested something else, I said I would be at his place on Saturday, first thing in the morning.

The idea was that we would spend that Saturday together, doing interviews as he created new music and celebrated his birthday. I asked him if he was throwing a party, and he denied. This would be one of the first times he would celebrate all by himself - not considering the writer that would quietly keep him company. He did mention that, later that night, one of his siblings would visit, but did not clarify which one. That either meant I would be meeting another member of the band or the one sibling that didn’t end up playing with them.

When I first arrived at around 9 am, he was already expecting me. I knew that because I could see his figure standing by the window, calmly looking outside and trying to figure out which car was mine. He wore light blue pajamas and was starting to make coffee - black, with the tiniest ammount of sugar. Music was playing, and when I did not recognize it, he seemed to find that funny.

Our first interview was conducted as we sipped our coffee. Jake seemed more interested in talking about his art before his personal life, so that was our main topic for a few hours. He didn’t talk for the entire time, making long pauses and asking me if I wanted anything to eat. For about half an hour, in the middle of our conversation, he stopped to cook himself scrambled eggs. During that time, neither of us spoke up, quietly listening to the music.

Jake Kiszka seems to view his music not as an artistic connection to the universe or a job. More often than not, he references music as his own personal way to connect with other people. When I ask him about his favorite part of being a musician, he mentions the look on people’s faces while he plays, or the way he can see the crowd dancing and singing along. When I ask him about the band, he lovingly talks about how much fun his brothers have when they play, no matter how exhausted they all are by the end of a concert. Nothing that he mentions has to do with him, specifically.

For a decade, Jake has been playing with the same three people: his twin brother, Josh, his youngest sibling, Sam, and their friend - although he often refers to him as his own brother as well, Danny Wagner. Jake considers their connection one of the most important reasons why their music works so well, especially during live performances. Besides the obvious connection he has with the other band members, they seem to be able to understand the differences between each other - different music genres they enjoy, the time they need to create, and how they behave on stage.

Jake seems to avoid talking about his brothers in a more personal way at first. He is a perfectionist, not only with his music but with everything that surrounds him. If the interview is about art, he will only mention his art. I ask him about his creation methods and, once again, he finds what I said funny. According to him, his creating processes are more simple than they may seem. Riffs come to him naturally, when he’s playing around with his strings and trying to figure out what sounds good. He enjoys writing with his brothers more than writing alone, because he finds the process easier if they all have the same idea at the same time.

He mentions their latest album, “The Battle at Garden’s Gate”, as one of the most interesting things they have done. In contrast to their first projects, “The Battle at Garden’s Gate” is fuller when it comes to lyrics and their instrumental power. When I tell him that opinion, Jake agrees, and says that, as he grew, he started noticing how much they could do with their music, without falling into rock stereotypes all the time. Lyrically, this album has interesting topics about war, the universe and the way humans interact with nature.

Talking about their first projects as a band, Jake is satisfied with how much they grew, but still looks fondly at everything the band did when they were just teenage boys. The guitarist mentions their early days, when they still lived with their parents and would only play for small crowds, as some of the best years of his life. Jake loses himself telling funny stories about their first performances and the mistakes they made before they learned how the music business worked.

After Jake ordered lunch and we ate together, I saw himself in his home studio, where he seemed to be working on a new song - not specifically one that would be released soon, he clarified. He was ready to talk about his early life and things that were not related to his music, but, even then, music had to involved somehow. I assume that is why he decided to create as we spoke, as if some of the things he talked about would bring him inspiration. He was playing one of his multiple acoustic guitars when we started our second interview of the day.

Jake can’t remember when he first started to show interest in becoming a musician. He mentions the fact that his mother had probably spoken about it during other interviews, but he wanted his profile to be built by his own words. He does remember the fact that music is one of his earliest memories. Joined by his brother, Josh, they would sit and listen to their dad’s vinyl collection for hours. As soon as they were able to walk and talk, playing pretend and performing for their family became a current activity. His own father, Kelly Kiszka, is also a musician, and introduced instruments to the boys very early on.

Other than music, he was interested in film and sports. Acting on his brother’s short films is another memory he carries with a lot of love. Josh used to write scripts for horror films - some of them worse than the others - and they would invite friends over to act with them. Their sister, Veronica, would also join them sometimes. All of the siblings are incredibly close in age, which is one of the reasons why they could be seen hanging out together quite often.

As soon as Sam became old enough, he joined his other siblings and, later, joined the band as well. Jake considers himself as an overly protective brother. Whenever something happens to one of his siblings, it is not uncommon that he will blame himself for not being able to stop the situation and protect them with his life. I ask him if that also happens when people criticize his brothers for their music or talent, to which he replies with: “they know they’re good”.

Jake recognizes how fortunate he is to have such a good relationship with his parents. He mentions that it is often an issue for artists, but it was not his case. Karen Kiszka, his mother, always knew her sons would become artists, by his record. He remembers how he wanted to make her proud by working hard at school and getting good grades, but it was never entirely possible. It surprises him that, even though he “wasn’t the brightest”, she would still tell him how proud she was of him and his siblings. Jake also shares that he believes none of what happened to the brothers would have happened without that support. They were teens making music at home, and Jake doesn’t know how all of the noise didn’t drive his mother insane.

I ask him about his birthday. Jake has, obviously, always shared a birthday with his brother. That doesn’t seem to be an issue, as he talks about their celebrations with joy. Getting older seems to be a tough topic, and I don’t need to ask him why, as he talks about it before I even get a chance. Jake feels as if his years are shorter than anyone else’s. Touring has turned his months into days and the months he has for himself are resumed to one or two every year. Celebrating his birthday with his twin brother is often one of the only times he feels like himself again. For this year, they have decided to celebrate separately, and it seemed like a good decision at first, but he admits that he was feeling incredibly lonely.

When asked about touring, Jake is more interested in talking about his relationship with the fans. I let him talk, without many direct questions. Jake is very grateful for the people that have listened to their music for more than a decade, and is also grateful for everyone who came after their sudden new wave of popularity. He saw as their crowds changed slowly, from family and friends to locals, from locals to unknown older people, from unknown older people to an younger audience. He says he knows instantly when a person recognizes him at a public place, and he finds it funny how, sometimes, they won’t say anything at all.

“Most of the people just tell me they love me or the band and thank us for the music. Sometimes, they’ll ask me about the most specific things, and I’m not sure how to respond. Especially if we’re at a bar and I’ve had a few”, he laughs at his own comment, and I join him. When I ask him about any unfortunate situations, he refuses to comment, but lets me know that there have certainly been some.

When he is done with that song for the day - a gorgeous fast paced song - he lets me know he bought cake for his birthday, and he wants me to eat with him. It is not often that I am invited to write a profile from inside the home of an artist, and Jake also tells me about how this was a first time experience for him. His relationship with music journalists doesn’t seem to be the best, although he appreciates their kindness and how well they treated him. If I could see inside his brain, I would say he finds us to be rather pretentious. I agree.

We talk for two hours, without any journalistic intents, before he gets a phone call. He excuses himself before he opens the door. I, luckily, recognize the person who just joined us for the small party. The same set of kind eyes, the same eyebrows and the same nose. The brothers hug each other for more than a minute, and Josh seems to know who I am, or at least know what I’m doing at his brother’s house.

He asks not to be interviewed, as if he had guessed what would come out of my mouth. Other than that, he sits and joins us, eating the rest of the cake. Jake doesn’t want to mention what was talked about, even though they were incredibly simple topics. Josh gives him a sweater, and Jake tells him he hates it. Jake gives him a book, without giving me a chance to look at the cover.

I offer to do the dishes. They tell me I don’t need to do them, but I insist. Jake leaves with his brother and they sit on the living room as I wash all of our plates and glasses. He yells from the living room, trying to get his voice to be louder than the TV, and tells me he has to be the first person to write the profile when it’s done. I promise him I would make sure no one would read it. By the end of our day, I didn’t know what to write.

Jake Kiszka is a very simple man. A very simple brother and friend. A very complicated musician. His creativity is almost blinding, and it is easy to miss the exact second when he gets an idea that turns a good song into a masterpiece. Jake Kiszka sees himself as a lonely man, but has so much love for his friends and family that it would be hard mentioning every single person that has ever been loved by him. His house is as simple as he is, and he decided to welcome me and share his life, his birthday, and his cake. He treated me as a friend, and let me ask as many questions as I wanted to.

As I prepare to tell them I’m leaving, I notice the TV volume is slightly lower. The twins are sat together, Jake sleeping on Josh’s shoulder. I wave goodbye as I leave, trying not to make too much noise. Jake is wearing his new sweater.

By the time you are reading this, Jake Kiszka has already read it twice. He admits that he loves the sweater.

#jake kiszka fanfiction #Greta Van Fleet #gvf fanfic #gvf fanfiction #gvf fan fic #greta van fleet fan fiction #greta van fleet fluff #greta van fic #jake kiszka

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herefortarlos · 8 months

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Hello!

I love seeing your excitement around the fandom and a special thanks for all the support you give me in the tags! I was what made you start watching lone star? What made you keep watching lone star? What’s your favorite part of fandom?

Awwww, hello, Jen!! Haha, I am very happy to know that you enjoy my fangirling and hopefully don't find it annoying 😆.

So what clued me into 911 Lone Star, was seeing random clips from the show when I would be bored and scroll through FB and Instragram's videos section. The scenes that I remember the best are of course the racist neighbor and "Sure ma'am but I am a homosexual." And Paul's, "but I am trans, though." And then the corn silo scene and Marjan popping up and having lost her hijab, and everyone gathering around to protect her modesty. I loved knowing there was a show out there that had, from the brief bits I saw, canon gay, trans and Muslim characters!! Then I bought Hulu in late 2022, specifically to watch the movie Julie and Julia, then I watched all of Modern Family. And then I was like, well, I still have this service for the end of the month, and I saw Lone Star was on it and I have not looked back 😂 I wish Hulu kept track of it, because I don't know how I consumed 3 seasons of Lone Star so quickly while also working.

Tarlos and TK, then later Carlos, when we finally got more of him in season 2, were big reasons I kept watching. I also genuinely like all of the characters! I did not think I would love Judd as much as I did, big, stereotypical Texas man, but is not like you thought at all! Owen and TK's relationship is one of my favorite things too, such a loving father-son relationship, without the toxic masculinity is so refreshing! Getting Tommy in season 2 was such a big improvement too!!

I could go on and on about the characters, but another huge reason I fell in love with the show was because it actually had a trans black man, played by a trans male actor, a gay Latino man, played by a gay actor, and of course the fandom didn't find out about Ronen until 2021, but I learned watching in 2022, was a gay man, played by a bisexual actor!! Representation matters and as a queer person, I was so happy to see a show actually put in the effort to try and cast accordingly!! Even now, when I try to get friends to watch the show, I always start by gushing about tarlos, of course, and then secondly talk about the casting!

Finally, my FAVORITE part of the fandom has to be all of our amazingly talented writers and the stories they provide to keep Tarlos alive, interesting and relevant, especially during longer than expected hiatuses. I have been reading fanfic for various fandoms since 2012? And I appreciate all the work and effort writers put in to provide us fans with more content, without expecting anything in return, so the least I can do is comment on fics and reblog works here with my unhinged tags 😂

Also, I really appreciate how active the fandom is on Tumblr and I loveee saving and liking posts, specifically based on different people's tags 😆 As my name suggests, I made a new Tumblr for Tarlos in January 2023 I believe, so very recent. The last time I was on Tumblr was 2019, after it quickly declined in popularity, and all the previous artists and writers I followed left for Twitter. The fact that I fell in love with a show and couple enough to seek out a community for it definitely says a lot about it! When I fall in love with characters or a couple, I will hyper fixate on them for a minimum of 2 years, and hopefully this obsession lasts longer because of this active fandom and the fact that Lone Star is still ongoing and providing new material, as soon as these dumb companies decide to actually pay their workers a decent living wage anyway.

Phew, time to go find some lunch 😂 Thank you for the ask, Jen, and if you ever need a beta I'm your girl ❤️ But regardless, you can definitely expect me to reblog and express my love for the next fic you tease! I am not going to survive when Meet you After Dark drops!

#nice asks #nice ask day #this one was a bear to write #can you tell I love and adore Lone Star 🙃 a healthy and reasonable amount I assure you

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im-a-matt-girl · 10 months

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can you do more pictures of matt and the reader's family? (and PLEASE could them have triplets?)

ps: love your writing

sure ♡ here is the first part of the fic:

and here is the second part:

Cody is our musician. He teaches himself to play songs on his keyboard by ear; we will sign him up for piano lessons as soon as he agrees to it. He is very shy, but he is extremely disciplined when it comes to his craft. Even at six years old, he has a specific time dedicated to practicing his music each day. He also has various toy instruments that he dabbles in, but his main passion is his keyboard.

Amena is our writer. She has been writing since age one, when I noticed her pointing to the letter "B" repeatedly, so I got her a small white board and dry erase marker. She started to draw the letter over and over again, and I knew that she was trying to communicate. She picked up writing quickly, and now she writes far beyond the level of her peers. She also speaks with a stutter, but she has a lot to say, so she expresses it through writing.

Ori is our visual artist. She is always coming up with imaginative video ideas - she wants to be a YouTuber when she grows up, just like her dad. Her art is astounding, and she draws all day, every day. The only time she stops is to eat, or record videos, or when she falls asleep in her bed surrounded by colored pencils and papers with various drawings on them.

I homeschool the triplets, since their talents aren't exactly viewed as "valuable" by the current education system we have here. Of course, I find them to be immensely valuable, and I nurture their passions. I want them to grow up believing in themselves and their abilities. Most importantly, I want them to learn to be kind and empathetic, which is something else that most schools here don't value, unfortunately.

And you, being the supportive husband and father that you are, support me and the triplets in everything we do. You always listen to Cody's songs, and clap for him when he's finished performing them for you. You encourage Amena to write more, listen to her patiently as she talks, and marvel at the fact that she can spell even better than you can. You are excited to see Ori's video ideas and drawings, and you take the time to teach her some of the things you learned during your career. And, of course, you trust that I know what's best for our children, and remain by my side through thick and thin. I am so blessed to have you as my husband.

#matt sturniolo x reader #fic #op #ask #anonymous #pov: yours

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guacamoleroll · 25 days

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I interacted with you many times more than you can count, back to the stars and the moon, my name starts with a S ends with an A, could you possibly guess who I am? :3

anyways I have a question do you have any tips and tricks on how to invest your reader into reading your works? I invest a lot of time in my fics so I want to know how I can catch readers attention to read my fics since this is a new writing blog!! :3

i went on an investigation to discover your secret identity, only to come up empty-handed. it is a sorrowful day here in muse's little hovel. (note: there's only one person i can think of that might match your description, though it would mean that you'd have two separate writing accounts. however, i am unsure, so i have a query for you, mystery person. have i interacted with you recently?)

anyways, onto your question! sorry for the long answer (readers cover your eyes!)

i think drawing in readers has to do with observing what is happening with your respective fandoms on tumblr. for example, bsd! i often try to post content in a period a couple of days before and after a chapter drops, since it is more likely that people would be invested in reading new content during those periods. (that's the reason i waited to make multiple announcement posts, since i knew that most people would see it during that period).

it take observance. if you see a certain fandom is interacting more with fanfiction one day, it is probably a good day to post your fic! it's also important to observe the type of fanfiction people seem to be flocking to, but in my experience, you should chose writing what you want over writing what everyone else seems to want. forcing yourself to write something that you have no interest in will show up in the final product!

as for investing readers, i'd say my best advice would be to find something consistent through your writing. it could be many things, from your writing style, to pop-culture references, to the fandom you're focused on, to a handful of tropes you enjoy! but it is important that there is something, even something tiny, that is consistent throughout most of your works.

take me, for example! i actually fill most of those categories fairly well.

my writing style: very focused on imagery and metaphorical language. sometimes takes some deciphering in order to fully grasp the point.

pop-culture references: i make many references to artists like hozier! but these also tie into older references, such as utilizing allusions to biblical works, along with old classics.

my main fandom and character: bsd and fyodor!

that doesn't mean i don't ever branch out into other things, but oftentimes at least one of these elements is included within my works! if you look at any other writer on this platform, there is some small element of their work that is consistent. that doesn't make it boring, because there's a lot writers can do with those elements.

finding this consistency is oftentimes not a conscious effort. it usually revolves around what you enjoy, so you simply need to tap into that. people like seeing personality through writing.

writing can be an incredibly intimate thing, but sometimes on platforms like this, we can be a little too caught up in investing readers, rather than being invested in our own stories. while everything i've said (in my opinion) is important to consider, the most important thing is that you enjoy what you're writing, no matter what the end product is.

i hope this helped! (god, this was long. so sorry about that).

#from: zazuko .ᐟ #₊˚ପ notes from muse .ᐟ

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resande · 9 months

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Hey. I'm a mutual of yours, we've been for a few months now. I'm here not only to tell you that your steddie fanarts are out of this world (that they are), or how much I like your art (that I do), or how talented you are (that you are).

I'm here to tell you that I appreciate every minute of effort behind your hard, hard work. Yes, you're talented, no doubt of that, but behind every talented person there are a lot, and I mean A LOT of hours, self teaching, experimenting, discarded wips, study hours, mental struggle to do art, to see the flaws on our pieces, to not being ever fully satisfied with what we do, and yet to sit again and keep doing art and sharing it despite everything I mentioned before.

That's hard work, that's passion, and strength, and stubborness, and that's more important than talent, and I think I'm telling you this because I, as an artist myself, would love to hear it sometimes. I flush and fluster whenever someone calls me 'talented' (who doesn't like praise?) but I would tear up if someone sees what I do and tell me "god, this piece must have taken you hours, and being able to do this, must have taken you decades."

So I am here to appreciate that, to note and congratulate you on every single minute that you spent working to become the amazing artist that you are.

I hope you have the greatest week, and that with this, your Monday is a little bit less Monday-ish.

Love, V

I'm having a hard time, with life at the moment.. i have to do so much stuff and work a lot when i should've been resting after a stressful uni year. And the only thing that i consider resting now is art. The art that i couldn't pursue full time in the country that i live in. Or for the art that so many told me that i'll stop eventually doing because way down the line i won't be able to anymore because of the future job that i've chosen for myself and such. But since highschool i'll say this for as long as i'm breathing: i can't live without art and it will forever course through my veins.

As dramatic as that may sound, it's true. Before steddie i thought i was going to quit art just because no matter on each platform i'd try, i was getting like 100 to 300 notes/likes on a 44 h piece. Not exagerating one bit. And it went like that for like a year. But the only problem was that i had the wrong audience. This steddie fandom brought out the best of me and i improved so much as an artist thanks to you, fellow artist friend and so many more amazing artists/writers/people i've met down the line.

The fact that you took the time to tell me you appreciate all my sleepless nights, all my frustrations, small victories, learning from my mistakes. It really feels like soothing balm against wound. Hence i cried when i read your message. I thank you whole heartedly for your kindness, it made my week so much brighter. And i want to give the same warmth to you, in return. No matter the fact that i don't know how your art looks like. I'm congratulating you too, for coming so far, for all the progress that you've made. For the days you let your heart out to sing on paper or through pixels. For struggling to get the structures right the 100th time. For trying again and again until it felt right. For not giving up. And for sharing a piece of your heart with us. Even later in life when you'll be able to only doodle on napkins or painting on large canvases, never let that fire within you die. Because you're special and we're so lucky we get to see another version of life through different eyes and experiences.

And for whoever may read this. I'm congratulating you too and all the above. No matter what you're doing and what you're pursuing. I'm so proud of you too.

This went for way too long and i rambled a whole lot, i know. But in the end, i wish you an amazing week ahead of you, and all the best.

With love,

Res.

#the sweetest letter i could receive #ask

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vizthedatum · 9 months

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Updated blog disclaimer

Please note: I am not communicating with my ex-spouse currently. We are recently divorced but have a no-contact order until the end of December 2023. Dec 31, 2023 Update: the order has expired but I DO NOT PREFER TO TALK TO THEM OR THROUGH A THIRD PARTY. I am not communicating with them through any third party (except for our lawyers). These posts are not at all an attempt to communicate - it is *art* and *expression* and my personal account of what has happened in our relationship. It does reflect reality. I want people to know. It's not just emotional processing for me - I think people need to know what domestic violence looks like. And you should tell your story too - there need to be more examples of all types, in all different relationships.

Dec 31, 2023: I also talk about non-abusive relationships. I strongly believe that I own everything that has happened to me. I can protect people’s privacy and respect boundaries, but I will not limit myself from talking about my own experiences, journeys, and thoughts… and those are often tied to real people’s lives. I obscure identities as much as I can, but I’m a writer and artist… the world and my life are my source material. This is a moral judgment call on my part, and you don’t have to agree.

This blog uses the phrase "narcissistic abuse" which is a hotly debated phrase amongst the neurodivergent and disabled communities. I am disabled, and I do not promote ableism. I do not think the usage of "narcissism" is ableist nor do I think it adversely affects those who have narcissistic characteristics. I am not discriminating anyone but I am sharing how I’ve personally made sense of the abuse. I have nothing against people with diagnosed disorders. The specific cycle of narcissistic abuse is Love-Bombing/Idealization to Devaluation to Discard to Hoover/Reengagement (and the cycle repeats).

If you find the content triggering, then kindly block/unfollow/ignore this blog - I will not change my mind until there comes a time when there is a term that better describes the specific cycles of abuse and patterns of behavior I've gone through in my life. I do acknowledge my own toxicity and my own patterns of harm in this blog. I am tired and offended by justifying my experience and my usage of a phrase that has literally saved my life in the past year. Understanding that what happened to me was specifically "narcissistic abuse" has made the context of my life more crystal clear than ever before. Please see one of my many posts that address this issue or search the internet about the debate yourself. If you cannot see the nuance in what I'm saying, then this blog is not for you.

If you choose to harass me based on how I word my experiences (keeping in mind that I’m not going to your blogs and invalidating your experiences (I have only done so in defense of someone else’s initiation but I will not anymore)) instead of advocating for a better term that best describes my experience (that is more nuanced than just emotional/physical abuse), then unfortunately you are harassing and silencing an abuse victim. Victims are already in a place of self-doubt and self-blame. They are aware often in a state of extreme reality distortion. And we often have an extreme amount of compassion for the people who have harmed us.

Before you call us ableist, try to understand why we're talking about it.

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Future employers and anyone else: I am a queer and trans person of color who is a citizen of the United States of America. I have undergone a lot of abuse, and I am exercising my first amendment rights as a citizen of this country. I am sharing my experiences as authentically and honestly as I can. I am receiving mental and physical healthcare, as best I can with my resources. My training is in healthcare, and if I cannot be honest with who I am then it would be incredibly hypocritical for me to practice epidemiology or clinical data analysis in healthcare. If you choose to discriminate against me based on my identity or my emotional processing of the abuse I have endured (or even the poetry/art/writings I share), then you are willfully denying employment to a battered domestic violence survivor (and I have gone through domestic violence multiple times). I would not work for such an organization anyway. My skills and qualifications speak for themselves, and I will do what I want - and I'll do a good job of it too. Thank you. Addition as of Nov 6, 2023: I have an open call for a nesting partner and future co-parent. Read more here.

#disclaimer #pinned #healing #trauma #neurodivergence #queer #prose #Youtube

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mochiwrites · 9 months

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Whenever I see a post of people asking for reblogs rather than likes. I feel so bad because I barely reblog anything

I'll write out a whole bunch of tags, be happy with my reblog, then feel self conscious and delete the draft (this isn't just a tumblr thing either, most of the time when I go to leave a comment on any form of social media I instantly delete it the moment I've finished writing it)

Like :( I am sorry but i am Too Scare to leave more than a like :(((

but see that’s the really great thing about tumblr !!! you don’t necessarily have to leave stuff in the tags :D

the main reason writers (because I’m going to get Very specific since a) I’m a writer myself and b) writers suffer a lot more with this, though artists definitely have the same struggle) ask for reblogs is because it gives us exposure. we want people to interact with our writing the same way they interact with art. reblogging helps our writing reach more people, and if our writing is Actively being reblogged that shows us that people are interested, y’know?

I’ve had plenty of scenarios where I was intimidated and self conscious to leave any comments in the tags, so I 100% feel you there. but there’s no expectation for tags, just a lil reblog! whenever I’m intimated by the person I’m reblogging from (9 times out of 10 it’s an artist) I won’t leave any tags, but I’ll still give them the traction.

the thing to keep in mind is that we are the algorithm here. we control what gets seen and spread around. if you want someone to keep writing or keep drawing, you need to give them that engagement. a reblog even without tags goes a really long way!

obvi I can’t tell you (or anyone else!) how to use tumblr <3 the only thing I can do is give a little insight to our side of things and try to gently encourage as best I can. but I do understand the fear <3

#mochi speaks

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inkabelledesigns · 1 year

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18 and 25 for the writer's ask meme!

25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story?

For Searching the Depths, I had it in my old drafts that there was a secretary that knew Sammy had a sweet tooth and kept candy in her drawers specifically for him. It has absolutely no bearing on the plot whatsoever, but it's a really nice detail and it's still a part of the world lore, regardless of whether or not I choose to call it out again later.

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. I'm going to put this under the cut, because it's a little long, but oh boy I have so much to say about this. I'm going to give you a dialogue exchange, also from Searching the Depths, for a chapter that's a long way from being released, something that happens within the ink realm that absolutely tears me to shreds.

Bella cried out. "I didn't know it was REAL! I-I never would've messed with it if I had, I swear-"

"Kid, why are you apologizing? You did the right thing." Jack asked.

"We don't know that!" Sammy hissed. "We had a plan, a way out! Now everything is thrown out the window! We have to start from square one and we're running out of time!"

The more he barked, the more she shrank away from him, unable to meet his gaze.

"Things weren't any more certain before and you know it." Jack crossed his arms. "Even with the same events repeating over and over again, Joey STILL had all the power. If it's not his story anymore, then he's not in control. And that gives us a fighting chance!"

"Oh please, like that'll stop him." Sammy huffed. "From where I'm standing, our future is more uncertain than ever!"

"Well then we'll just have to do our best and make it better, won't we?" Jack held his hands on his hips. "Sam, come on, look at her. She didn't mean for this, ease up will ya?"

"I'm with Jack on this one." Bendy piped up. "If we're really gonna play the blame game, I'm the winner here. None of this would be so dire if I hadn't gone meddling."

"My lord-"

"No, Sam…it's true. I wouldn't even be your lord if I hadn't poked around where I shouldn't have." He sighed. "But I was a young idea back then, I had to grow up, make mistakes." He looked at Bella. "Same goes for you."

She sniffled as she looked back at him. "This is more than a mistake. This is a critical error. I can't- I helped do something even worse than what you were already going through, that's- it's unforgivable."

"...He tricked you, just like he did all of us." Jack looked at her sadly, connecting the dots. "Found someone desperate to exploit. You…at least you tried to make something good out of it. It's more than I can say."

This entire sequence is so near and dear to my heart. I have been trying to find the right way to introduce the concept of Bella finding out she's trapped in a story for the longest time, but one of the things that's changed within my drafts is that it's her draft of the story that she's in. I realized along the way that I'm not interested in writing the story of BATIM beat for beat, I wanna put my own spin on it and have some events that aren't in that original. So having a naive artist mess with the cycle without realizing she's affected real people on the inside until it's too late? Now you're talkin'! And now that the ink has claimed its newest victims, there's so much in store for everyone in its grasp.

This conversation was originally very exposition-y, some parts of it still are, with Bendy as the one to explain what's going on, but it's grown so much to be so much more. For one, Jack got an upgrade to main character trio status. He wasn't even in this scene originally. Two, Bendy and Sammy got a major characterization glow-up that I am so grateful for. I love how angry Sammy gets here, his frustration in this and the text that surrounds it is really fun to write. He's an interesting mix of his human self and his prophet self, and having Jack know how to navigate this angrier side of him is great. They bounce off of each other REALLY WELL. Also Bendy, gosh, Bendy has so much more to lose and so much he's already lost when it comes to this. He mirrors Henry's feelings of thinking this is all his fault (something something like father like son), but instead of trying to take on everything by himself, he's being open and honest about his feelings and relying on his allies for things he can't do alone. He's shown a remarkable amount of growth as I've gotten to know him more.

I can say the same about Bella. She's another character who sees herself as a responsible party and grows paralyzed when she's not sure how to fix it. She has a significant lack of belief in herself, which was important to show early on, but with these three by her side, she'll learn that she can be so much more. This is a character that life just kind of happens to, she feels no control over her situation, and it's true, there's a lot she doesn't have the power to do. But there's a lot she can do with what she has, and I can't wait for her to figure that out and forge her own path with these guys. She may be helpless and crying now, but that's not gonna be the case forever.

Thank you so much for the ask! This was the first one in my box, but I had to really think about it before I was ready to answer. I'm still accepting submissions for the writer's ask game if any of you wish to join me for some fun!

#ask game #writer's ask game #searching the depths #sammy lawrence #jack fain #bella ewe #bendy

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