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thedovahcat · 1 year

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Gorillas and Impending Rough Starts

Well registration for classes finally came and went for me, and I was able to get everything I needed for the Fall semester signed up and all that jazz for.

That was until I noticed the OUT OF STATE STUDENT tag that’s still on my name.

I knew I was cutting it close truth be told. The timing of our move out here was back in August and that’s always when school starts, so I was hoping maybe I’d just be able to inch past the ‘you’ve lived here for one year’ date and get that In-State Student pricing.

Sadly that was not the case. And will not BE the case until at least November.

This distressing fact left me with two options: start later (spring 2024) or take only a limited number of classes just to hold my place and so I’m not wasting TOO much time.

Opting for the ‘save my place’ option right now, though the mark up for ‘Out of State Students’ is completely ridiculous. As expected. We all know colleges are gatekeepy and scammy as shit, but that’s the world we live in.

So I guess the unsavory part in this is I’ll be taking one of my higher level big girl programming classes this semester after all, at a community college as planned. But I’ll sure be paying for it. The pricing is about 2,000 for a 4 credit hour class, and thank God dad was nice enough and is going to go halfers on me with it, just because he really doesn’t want me to get like...I don’t know, kicked off the Fall roster list or whatever it is colleges do, you know? Once November comes and goes this year though I’ll have enough documentation to prove I’ve been living here for at LEAST a year.

So, that was the big hole in my boat this week on Monday. It was an upstart that I think I knew deep down was likely going to happen, but I got so caught up in studying and fantasizing about FAFSA and scholarships just paying my way through- It’s really never like... hit me, you know? That college is extremely unaffordable for some folks.

I was really lucky in that I had college funds from when I was a kid. My parents saved up for me to do community college the first go around when I was 18, and I did. I got my degree and in the end it turns out, while it was useful in securing me my cemetary job, and I did learn a lot... All in all I feel like I wasted my potential on an art degree. Not to knock art degrees of course. This is just from my personal experience of having been on that side of the tracks. So I think my opinion is more valid if anything else.

The art route didn’t work for me. Now I’m going back to get something more practical. But without a job, and with me being too highly qualified for almost all retail jobs (it sure sucks when you get rejection after rejection because you know your own worth), I’m seeing now that however this path is going to be ahead of me?

It may not be smooth. It may not be easy.

Getting into debt is one of my top fears and so far up until now (and even still right now, cuz I haven’t spent all my savings yet), I’ve managed to stay out of it. I own my own car, bought it used and in cash, I had a regular job and was living at home (still paying rent and utilities of course) but I was still able to save a good nest egg.

I still am more fortunate than a lot of people. And I don’t necessarily know how this road ends. My parents can’t pay for college for me, and I can’t pay the whole ride through so I’ll need to heavily lean on my grades to make me look good. And I’ll need to do plenty of study on my own of course to ensure that happens.

It’s... Pretty scary. Even at age 29. I don’t think it ever really stops being scary tbh. But... I mean, at the end of this I hope that there’s something good waiting for me. Comfort, security, a healthy work/life balance or something like that to where I’m not a slave to my job because I have the ability to CHOOSE not to be...

I really, really hope that I will get to experience that. Don’t we all? I don’t know how I feel right now though, I guess is what I’m trying to say. Scared, hopeful, battling with pessimistic and optimistic outlooks, I feel alone in this like, this is for real this time. No more do-overs after this. This is the last chance to try and improve myself. I feel like I squandered that opportunity when I was 18, but, really now, I’m not going to blame an 18 year old for not knowing what the hell the world was going to turn into. Sheesh.

Paying for this one fall semester’s going to be a big ouchie but, it’ll only be the one time at least. I wish I had it in me to wait until Spring but, I feel like I’ve already wasted enough time. And honestly, 1k is a drop in the bucket when you lean back and look at your life as a whole. Obviously I’m not going to recklessly get in debt, and at least try to be strategic about it, but still. It’s very nerve wracking.

The commissions have stopped coming in, I’m trying everything I can think of to drum up some more money but nothing’s really sticking against the wall sadly. And, really I expected it. This is the way the art world is, it comes and it goes. It’s not stable, and sometimes you won’t land a bite for months. Possibly longer. I once thought I had it in me to stick it out as a starving commission-based artist, but, I’m finding I really don’t. It’s a very hard gig to keep up, and I don’t improve quickly enough to where I’m able to secure a lasting audience.

AND.... honestly? It’s never been something I’ve wanted. I don’t find value in being popular. Yeah sure it’s nice for the cash and such, but... I dunno. It just doesn’t line up for me personally.

And then you have the whole bit about the job I had and how I was hardly being paid anything, because anybody could do my work. You didn’t need to be talented to have a company consider you an artist. It was NICE if you were, or you had the know how, but it wasn’t required. And the pay reflected on that. Plus, considering how much corporate crap was constantly going on... I know I’m worth way more than that.

This whole ride about wanting a Bachelor’s and such too has been more of a.. I want something good for -me-. Because -I- want it. Type thing. Like a self care thing, I don’t know? I’ve always wanted a Bachelor’s and I’ve always felt like I was too dumb or too unmotivated or lazy to be able to obtain one. Like I didn’t deserve it or something.

But my god after studying for the math test for a couple months the way I did, and scoring so high on it, that really renewed the self confidence I know I -can- have (and do have with certain things.) I feel like finally I’m starting to shape up and grow into becoming a real adult. Albeit late, I’m what, fucking, 29 now? I’ve always been a late bloomer though with everything. And really, a lot of things you are ‘supposed to have already done as an adult’ is all subjective. I need to stop letting it bother me as much as it does.

I’ve wrenched myself off the video games (not entirely! but by a lot), I’ve been focused more on independent studies, or if I’m not doing that I’m trying to figure out how to earn some extra bucks here and there. I feel like my form of escapism has been lost and suddenly I’m locked out here in the real world, unable to properly escape reality as I have done since I was a child. I can no longer ignore important things, because no one will take care of them for me. I can’t just lie here and expect circumstances to chance, I have to get up and do something different. Do I still want to give up sometimes and just lay in bed, maybe for the rest of forever?

Hell yes I do.

But I won’t. That part of me will not let me. I won’t allow it. I will make something out of it. I’m terrified of failing... but, it will have felt worse if I didn’t try at all. And yes, things might not always be ideal, and things may get very difficult. I think I’m just going round and round in circles, psyching myself out... But what can ya do?

Just gotta keep going.

#math and gorillas

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3s-diary · 2 years

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okay do its 2:49 am and im writing this in a locked note on my notes app, but it's not leaving me alone so. I'll finally let myself think about it. so on friday, it was the last day of school and after school there was a party hosted by our grade in order to make money (for a level celebrations). me and pou had been sorta planning to go,since we never went clubbing together before. so yeah long story short we went, got something to pregame, met a few people from our grade and outside, walked around for a bit and then decided to go inside. she had met a guy which she had previously met at parties (and made out with) before. He is, btw her best friends cousin, and the girl does not know about this, but that's not my problem tbh. so yeah he was nice and all and we were clubbing for like 3 hours (things happened but i think they're mostly irrellevant, except i had a sorta conflict with a homophobic girl and pou constantly made out with the guy) and yeah after a while we found each other in the crowd again and danced together and listen this is the thing. she came closer and i didn't even realize it but she tried to kiss me??? like i couldn't even process it fast enough the only thing i knew was that her lips were warm and i could taste her lipgloss but?? I mean i was sorta drunk so maybe that impacted me but i couldn't when i realized what was going on she already stopped again, since like,i wasn't kissing her back at all.christ it was so sudden and the last thing i expected. my mind was hardly processing any of it but i immediately said "can we never do this again pls" and she was like okay sorry and i kissed her on the cheek bc i didn't wanna be cruel. so what you might think is wtf elias you just rejected a girl in the most cruel way but you have to consider that

1:we have known each other for 11 years. we have been friends for so long, things like this feel...unusual

2:i was so baffled everything that happened was instinct

3:she had been making out with someone else all night

4:nobody ever tried to kiss me before

yeah so oops i guess. i have no idea how to even kiss someone. maybe if i wouldn't have been drunk and shocked i would've managed but??maybe not?? and like she's my friend of YEARS she's the last person i expected to kiss that night. i made my way out of the crowd and texted dipsy something like 'p u triie to k isme' but also. i sorta immediately wished id kissed her back. but what i wad wondering is what the hell her intention behind this was. bc depending on that my reaction was fitting or....not at all fitting

1:its the 'girl bsfs who make out on parties' thing. I'm not a girl but i feel like most my friends see me as one so

in that case i am absolutely not cool with this and i do not want this to happen.obv. idk how close to us the guy she previously made out with was. but maybe this played into it

2:she genuiely kinda liked me

in that case WTFmm cuz we've known each other so long and she never hinted at liking me ever. in that case i also wish id acted differently bc in that case i prob hurt her

3:she just felt like it in the moment

honestly can't blame her,problem was just i didn't know how to deal with it

now i have no idea the circumstance or how she felt abt me rejecting her or whatever, but i know what my feelings rn are. i wish id kissed her back.its not like i have a crush on her or anything but id like to have kissed her then. and now i told her i never wanted to kiss her, which, great job elias, very smart. and i know a few more things. that I'm probably the first guy ever who rejected her, and that she was the first person who ever tried to kiss me. and that does something i think. maybe it doesn't whatever. long story short what the hell her intention was has been eating me uo for the past days and i've hated myself for reacting like that. and also dipsy replied with like I've been shipping you for ages how could i miss this which, whatever she says.

anyways later that night she went on a 'walk' with the guy and when we had to leave i had no idea where she was and i panicked and called her and asked the whole club abt her bc i had no idea where shw was,shw came back a little late but was alright. she apologized and we were picked up home, when we were both home she apologized again and told me she was really sorry. i have forgiven her and all, but those things still weigh on me a little, so i have been hesitating to talk to her or ask her to hang out whivh we planned to do.

anyways ill just try to get over myself and say hi or sometjing and stop beating myself up abt one (potential) kiss.

#she1pou1 #wtf someone tried to kiss me #never thought id say this #and she was my FRIEND since elementary #maybe someone put sonething in my drink and it didn't really happen in that case sorry for being a weirdo

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dreamylyfe-x · 3 years

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heyo i've been watching the eps in real time, but i only got around to watching the gallavich hall of shame today and i loved all of it except the beg which i was really hoping you could help me with cuz i've been extremely upset by it (literally crying oops). so, why would the writers possibly use the phrasing "piece of my heart" and act like what ian felt for his other bfs is in any way comparable to mickey, only on a much lesser level? cuz we've seen it play out that that's just false [pt 1]

Hey! Sorry about not getting to this right away -- real life has been extreme today -- but I wanted to make sure to reply to this ASAP because it clearly bothered you a bunch. This ask has several parts and I’m going to pull the questions from the others so that I can best answer. And I may sound a little glib because I know this really, really bothered you, so I want to make it clear: I completely respect your feelings about this... but I don’t think the show was thinking about how people who love Gallavich would feel about that line. Because they had a brief and it was “write a clip show.”

First: why would the writers make ian flat out tell mickey that doesn't have his whole heart WHEN THEY'RE MARRIED for god's sake.

So that they’d have a fight through which they would introduce themed clip packages that had already been decided on.

Second: i'm just so confused and upset about what the writers were trying to accomplish with this?

Completely understandable that you’d be confused by it, because the primary thing they were looking to accomplish was to have snippets of conversation that would introduce themed clip packages.

Third: why'd the writers chose such vague flowery BS wording for this? plz help me get it

Because nothing in the Hall of Shame episodes can actually add up to anything significant, because they’re clips shows that were put together entirely because Showtime needed to fill time while the show -- which is still shooting -- finishes up.

A few things about the Hall of Shame episodes. The first and the most important: It’s pretty much impossible to write a good clip show. They are creative black holes. I shudder to think how much time the writers were even given to do these things. They all -- All! -- exist solely to fill time. So it’s always “The Golden Girls sit around a table and eat cheesecake and then reminisce about all the times they ate cheesecake.” One of the very worst episodes of Star Trek: TNG exists solely because they ordered another episode at the last minute and it’s -- you guessed it! -- A clip show. The best -- and I use that term loosely -- clip shows are the ones where the have some Voice of God narrator say “Mickey and Ian are the romantic heart of the show, but they don’t always get along! Cue clip package where Mickey and Ian fight about stuff. Voice of God: “But they sure do enjoy making up!” -- Cue clip package of Ian and Mickey making out.

That still sounds pretty terrible. The best idea for a Shameless clip show is to do some sort of Frank-at-the-bar-talking-shit thing and I’m sure they thought of that and then I'm sure they were like “Fuck. We can’t spare Bill for that kind of time.” -- and then they had to do this. This whole thing is born of scarcity -- of time, of means and of new things to put on the tv -- And given the choice, having seen what came out of it, I think I opt for what they did because I truly do believe the Mickey gifs that the Fiona one produced have restorative properties and I am very grateful that they exist.

The Hall fo Shame episodes giveth, and they taketh away. So my advice, in how to approach them is just this:

They aren’t canon

Nothing that happens in them matters

But the parts you like can be as real as you want them to be

So take what you like and throw the rest away

But again, this might be easier said than done, so let me dig a little deeper into what bothers you so much about this line in the context that it happens.

The 87% line is patently ridiculous and I reject its premise. Love is not finite. You do not divide it between people. You love the people you love, the way you love them, and if someone else showed up you’d love them in whatever way you love them and that would not lessen the love you feel for anyone else. You do not suddenly love your child 50% less because you had another child. That is insane. You just love the other child also.

That said, the 11 seasons in which we have seen Ian love Mickey more than he loves anything -- his freaking words -- cannot be undone by one line of dialogue in a clip show. First, because clip shows are innately flawed, but also because 11 seasons are more important than one line of dialogue. Even ONE episode of Not a Clip Show is more important than what happens in a clip show. Every single episode of Shameless is trying to do something much more valid and important with the characters than introduce a clip package.

This problem is also not restricted to the Gallavich episode -- People do a whole bunch of stuff in the HoS episodes that they’ve never done on the show. Carl and Debbie don’t punch each other in the face. Lip doesn’t completely and totally discount every single thing his sister did to keep a roof over their head. Mickey doesn’t act like Ian’s sexuality is a lifestyle choice and Ian is smart enough to know that Mickey Milkovich -- who he loves more than anything -- doesn’t want hear about the mathematical breakdown of how much Ian cares about Other Men.

now i desperately need the writers to fix this and say mickey has ian's whole heart.

This is probably not going to happen because I don’t think Actual Shameless considers that to be a thing that happened. On Actual Shameless Ian watched Mickey beat Ned up and then ran away with him when the cops showed up looking DELIGHTED that Mickey had beaten Ned up. On Actual Shameless Ian can barely stand to have Kash touch him once he’s been with Mickey, because Mickey is all he wants. On Actual Shameless Ian’s most viable non-Mickey relationship crumbles the second Mickey shows up because there’s just no comparison for him. Ian loves Mickey. He doesn’t stop. If something happened to Mickey he wouldn't look vaguely disconcerted and then get into an argument with some third party about whether or not it’s valid to be weirded out when someone you had sex with dies. You know that line, “show, don’t tell”? There’s reason that’s considered better storytelling -- because the stuff you show is the stuff that the audience feels and experiences. If Ian had said he loved Ned in any capacity I would have laughed out loud, because what I was shown was Ian mostly hanging out with Ned because he was missing Mickey, wanted a distraction, liked room service and the occasional nice gift, and... it made Mickey jealous. None of that was about Ned.

And in the end: Ned’s dead, baby. Long live Gallavich.

(it would of course be very nice if Ian would tell Mickey he has his whole heart, partly because it’s true, but also because Mickey deserves to hear these sorts of things, and we all want Mickey to be happy. And I do think Ian probably does tell Mickey that, after the clip show is over -if we acknowledge that this happened at all- because ultimately Ian’s whole life is about Mickey. Mickey is all he ever talks about. Even when he’s being pissy it’s all about how things are going with Mickey and how they are GOING to be going with Mickey. How he feels about his job, how he feels about himself, what his life plan is -- all depends on what is up with Mickey. Mickey is everything to him, and I’m going to assume Ian both shows and tells Mickey that in key ways, because Mickey sure seems happy in the Fiona HoS.)

Anyway -- I don’t know if that helps at all, but that’s my take on this mess. Thank you for asking!

#asks #shameless hall of shame #hall of shame: daddy issues #the only good clip show was #Community's fake clip show

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springfieldblues · 4 years

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my long ass review for S32E03 Now Museum, Now You Don’t

warning: LONG because i rambled about history more than i thought i would

id been looking forward to this one because i like art history, especially after seeing how they tried their best to stick to historical accuracy in the previous episode I, Carumbus. this time however….they didnt try that hard. i dont know why i thought theyd go through that sort of trouble again LMAO

but its okay, i dont really expect the simpsons to be the paragon of historical accuracy or anything. especially in anthology episodes told through a particular character's lens (in this case, lisa, whos already feverish so whatever)

first i just wanna say that this is, i guess, less of a review and more of an accidental list of history fun facts. so im just gonna get my general thoughts out of the way first.

the episode was fun! to me at least haha. i mean it got me to think and do a lot of research on my own so that must count for something. besides a couple of really weird ones, the jokes were good. anthology episodes tend to be….not that good but i thought this one was one of the better ones so far. idk.

anyway on to lisanardo da vinky its the renaissance! jesus christ the italian accents in the beginning of this segment were annoying as hell but i also feel like that was the joke lmao. ill be real i kind of tuned out for a second there when grampa started rambling so idk what he said.

i told myself i wouldnt get nitpicky with historical accuracy if the jokes were funny (final edit: so that was a lie) but this meh bit with the pizza guys and mascots was really not worth ignoring the fact that its impossible for italy to have any tomato-based food in the 15th century (tomatoes were brought to europe from the americas in the 16th century, and pizza as we know it today—flatbread, cheese, tomato—originated in the late 18th century)

oh this next part was kind of legit tho. lisanardo, like the real leonardo, became andrea del verrochio's apprentice at his workshop. i loved this next bit:

"Whoever paints the sweetest cherub will have the honor of having MY name signed on their work. That's what great artists do!"

SO YEAH as it turns out, lisanardo painted the sweetest cherubs. the painting here is called The Baptism of Christ, and the real leonardo assisted verrochio in finishing it. specifically, he painted the cherubs in the corner.

this causes verrochio to quit and go someplace with less talented people: a music school (yes, verrochio did quit painting after getting owned by young leo and his mad angel painting skills. he never did anything with music tho, he was more of a sculptor)

alongside lisanardo, in mr largo-verrochio's workshop we have barticelli (botticelli bart), dolphatello (donatello dolph), ralphael (raphael...ralph) and mediocrito (no one that i know of. sorry milhouse) (and kearney i guess but they dont refer to him by name). botticelli and donatello are said to have also been apprentices at verrochio's workshop, but raphael came a couple of decades later so he couldnt have been there. and donatello was too old so that claim is a bit questionable. but anyway

it IS true that leonardo's peers envied him, to the point where he was anonymously and purposefully accused of being gay (a major crime punishable by death in 15th century florence) while he was still working at verrochio's workshop

we are then treated by what im pretty sure is the fourth time the show has used 'at seventeen' by janis ian, this time sung by a dejected lisanardo (man they really do keep making yeardley sing these days huh) who only wishes to be appreciated and not envied.

"I'll show them all! I'll show them all in a secret diary that no one will decipher for 400 years!"

some of lisanardo's future inventions. who wouldve known

so after barticelli, for some reason (revenge??? or something?? what was his plan here idgi) steals lisanardo's diaries full of blueprints of her inventions and takes them to mr burns who i have to assume is pope alexander VI here, they decide to use her inventions for war.

"With these, we can kill the most evil people in the world!! ....Slightly different Christians."

leo actually did this of his own accord. im surprised this is what they decided to do with lisanardo instead of talking about leo's love of nature and vegetarianism (not a single mention of that in this episode? come on...) then again, trying to do good only to end up indirectly making things worse is a very standard lisa storyline. i guess they didnt want to miss the chance to have evil pope burns (very fitting, especially for that era since they were all about money and controlling the people)

so lisanardo decides to leave for france, unlike the real leonardo who was more or less persuaded by his ultimate fanboy king francis I to move to france.

"Lisanardo, I have many questions. Why are you hitting yourself? A nerd says 'what'? And how is it possible that I am rubber and you are glue? Et cetera, et cetera."

that line may seem a little random, like hes just nelson saying nelson things (and i mean, obviously he is) but the real francis also "had an unquenchable thirst for learning, and Leonardo was the world’s best source of experimental knowledge. He could teach the king about almost any subject there was to know, from how the eye works to why the moon shines." so yeah, he did have many questions and lisanardo, finally being appreciated for her intellect, was happy to answer them all. its very interesting how lisa assigned this role to nelson in her retelling of da vinci’s life :^)

and so she lived the rest of her days in france, nat king cole's 'mona lisa' plays because duh, and they make a da vinci code reference because duh. and the segment ends. and not a single time did they show the actual mona lisa painting. the fuck?

(ngl i was fully expecting bart to say 'leonardo da vinky' for a second here)

so this next segment is about french impressionist painters, most likely the batignolles group, a name adopted by the early representatives of impressionism. its much more vague than the lisanardo segment since no one here is referred to by name (except moe, more on him in a sec) but i dont feel like it really matters in this case. bart is prrrrooobably claude monet but its hard to say, this segment is kind of a mish-mash of a lot of things. also i gotta say i really liked how lisa introduced the story to bart with an 'if you hate the formal study of art' and not 'if you hate art' because thats exactly my headcanon. i LOVE the concept of artist bart and whenever its referenced it just makes perfect sense to me.

anyway the segment opens in 1863 at the école des beaux-arts (back then it was actually known as the académie des beaux-arts), preserver of traditional french art styles. skinner reviews his students’ paintings one by one. praises the plain, unimaginative paintings depicting your typical european countryside landscapes. very run-of-the-mill (haha get it...cuz theres….a windmill) (although the real académie didnt approve of such basic stuff, they wanted artists to draw epic historical and mythological scenes) then he gets to barts painting and he gives him an F- because the painting made him think.

(the paintings in this scene arent real famous paintings as far as i know but they are inspired by real paintings enough to get the point across)

in comes barney dressed as bacchus as a model for the students to sketch, which i just loved:

barney: “You prefer robe open or robe off?” skinner: “Just cover your privates with this walnut shell.” barney: “Whoa!!! So roomy!”

skinner gasps in horror at bart’s sketch, which “looks nothing like him” and bart explains that “it shouldn’t; we’re making the art that we feel because we can’t compete with a camera.” damn, you go bart. take that, realism. draw what you feel!!

(also no, you didnt need to hold still for 17 hours for a daguerreotype. 30 min tops.)

nelson haw-haw of the week: FOIE-gras!

so here they are at the moulin rouge (“enjoy it before baz luhrmann ruins it” hey shut up. i love that movie), which wouldnt be built for another 26 years, but it is the most widely known gathering place for bohemians in the public consciousness so i can understand why they went with the moulin. nelson delivers this anachronistic line:

“This époque keeps getting beller and beller!”

which alludes to la belle époque, the golden age of france usually dated from 1880 to 1914. made me snort so ill let that slide

and heres moe! as henri de toulouse-lautrec, who was actually born a year after the year this segment is set in. yo moe szyslak he was just 1

toulouse-moetrec introduces himself as the chronicler of the demimonde (not an actual job). an iconic figure associated with the moulin rouge (largely due to his affinity for alcohol and prostitutes), toulouse-lautrec was also a painter, having illustrated a series of posters for the moulin himself. he simply had to be in this segment, anachronisms be damned, just because they decided to include the moulin. cant have one without the other.

and yes he did have a walking cane where he kept his liquor.

i love how everyone drinks absinthe in this place. theyre bohemians what else would they drink

toulouse-moetrec points out that barts paintings are the greatest thing hes ever seen (and hes seen like five things!) and that hes a genius. milhouse realizes that they should stop doing what the teacher says and use their own minds to instead...start doing what bart says lmao. to the easels!

next we have skinner hyping up chalmers about the art his students made for the salon de paris, an art exhibition that the emperor of france will attend. he assures him that none of these paintings will encourage debate, provoke thought or be out of place at a dentist’s office. when they unveil the art, theyre both SHOCKED at how scandalous the paintings actually are.

this reaction was kind of accurate. impressionism was severely rejected at the salon de paris, due to paintings not looking finished enough to them, they thought they were ugly and vulgar for depicting nudity in a contemporary setting (historical and mythological nudity was fine). these impressionist paintings were sent to the salon de refusés, which is. yeah. the place where they sent the rejects. the salon de refusés does not make an appearance but this scene makes a reference to it when the artists get expelled from the royal salon. also:

“What about our student loans?” “Oh they’ll be refunded. We are not barbarians, I mean, come on.”

(god if only)

so the painters are down because they want the emperor to actually see their paintings. toulouse-moetrec pipes in once again with an idea.

“There is one thing the emperor loves more than anything.” “France?” “No, he hates France.”

apparently the emperor really loves cheese, which makes sense since its napoleon III (who loved cheese) and homer (who loves cheese.) so the painters roll into the salon inside a giant wheel of cheese (obviously.) as lenny said, “Eh, you know French cheese. Very runny.” napoleon III chases after the wheel into a room, where the wheel falls apart after getting chomped on by the emperor. now that they got his attention, the painters proudly show the emperor their impressionist art, which he couldnt be more indifferent about because he just wants to eat his cheese dammit, and he awards them with the royal medallion just to kind of get them out of his way. skinner immediately starts kissing ass (as he does) until marge’s like ‘hey wait a minute. you expelled these students from the royal salon’ and an executioner immediately starts ominously measuring skinners neck.

“Uh, sir...is your tongue sticking out because you’re dead or because you’re mad at me?”

and thats the end of that lmao (gore in this episode, gore in the last episode, and next week we’re getting gore too cuz its THOH, what the hell is goin on)

we get a short intermission with maggie, who wants a story for her too! lisa tells her that renaissance artists loved to put babies in their paintings, especially baby angels.

here she is showing her The Triumph Of Galatea by raphael:

King David Playing The Harp by peter paul reubens:

and a very simplified version of pretty much any depiction of hell by hyeronimus bosch lmao:

not much else to say about this one, really. but i really liked that sky!

the last segment is about frida kahlo and diego rivera. or as bart puts it ‘the one about a fat guy whos wife is too good for him.’ i was REALLY looking forward to this one because i love frida and i thought itd be a cool opportunity for animators to go bonkers and do really cool shit with her art as inspiration…..but the segment is not about frida, its about diego and his selling out to capitalism. and its also yet another story with homer and marge drama. no funky cool animation here. sigh i guess i’ll take it

the story begins in 1929 at la casa azul, frida’s home (now museum dedicated to her life and work.) frida and diego are getting married. this courtyard definitely did not look this way yet back in 1929. also theres something very cringy yet funny about lovejoy saying spanish words the way he does, i honestly cant decide how i feel about that one

the writers know theyre being cringy with their gringoness so they go along with it.

moe: “Spanish for ‘best wishes’!” mel: “Spanish for ‘congratulations’!” bumblebee man: “Spanish for ‘muy bueno’!”

OH YEAH BUMBLEBEE MAN this is his new voice actor, eric lopez! hes not mexican but its still great to finally have a latino actor voicing a latino character and hes very excited to be part of the show so i hope to hear more of him!! im rooting for him

el barto/zorro makes an appearance which i am very confused about. he has jack shit to do with frida and diego and mexico in the 20s-30s. el zorro was set in the spanish california of the early 19th century. their use of the original theme song makes me think they just wanted to flex their disney privileges tbh

lets not talk about that that whole scene was bad

anyway diego announces he and frida are going to new york, without even asking her first. frida is obviously pissed.

“Don’t worry, as a woman, you’ll be treated with much more respect in America.”

so in new york, diego is having a bit of a business meeting with mr burns as one of the members of the rockefellers, who is commissioning him to draw a mural for the rockefeller center. its kinda funny how he refers to him and frida as socialists even though they were very much communists lmao its okay you can say it. ok so far, but then frida says ‘yes, we hate the capitalists! right now, a young socialist is being born who will take them down! mr. bernie sanders. i hope hes quick about it’ and that was a simple enough joke and couldve been left at that but then its immediately followed by this weird as fuck family guy-esque cutaway gag to bernie as a baby:

“Getting a cootie shot should not cost your lunch money. And if you don’t listen to me, listen to the Bernie Babies! What? Everybody’s got goons.” *larger babies start beating up this other baby* “I disavow that, and welcome it.”

this confused me so much that i had to ask one of my american friends to help me understand, but even she was like ‘uhhh yeah thats a weird joke,’ especially now that hes been out of the race for months (then again these episodes take almost a year to produce. i guess they couldnt be bothered to replace it with something more relevant.) whatever that was weird and confusing and unfunny moving on

frida is pretty irked that diego is going through with this deal. after all, it goes against everything they believe in. im not sure how the real frida felt about diego doing the mural, but she did feel a bit of rage during her visit to the united states, especially the obvious disparity between rich and poor. she hated having to interact with capitalists and found americans very boring. in this segment, frida seems to be acting more like the american communist party, which diego got kicked out of for accepting commissions from wealthy patrons. in any case, frida is pretty upset about this whole thing.

and finally we get the first and only kind of surreal frida moment. kinda. maybe. its more cartoonish than anything but im desperate ok

interesting how they felt like they had to add a “don’t smoke” in big letters after showing patty and selma flying away on their giant cigarettes. i wonder if this is something theyre making them do now? i remember hearing something about them toning down patty and selma’s smoking

diego comes home to frida, drunk as hell, followed by the marx brothers. i cant believe they didnt make a marxism joke come on it was RIGHT THERE. THE MARX BROTHERS. KARL MARX. COME ON

frida paints her feelings.

this makes diego realize that frida is a genius and he is not half the artist she is. he proclaims he will now show his awe of her by sleeping with other women, starting “an hour ago.” to which frida replies, “and i will start sleeping with other women, starting two hours ago.” yes this was pretty much their relationship. though im just wondering how the hell did diego not know frida was this kind of artist until now? i know homers an idiot but jeez. art was how frida and diego met, diego knew from the get-go that frida was an incredible artist. i guess the fame got to his head or something. again, homer just being stupid.

“well enough already, while the art is still deco, okay?”

its time for the mural diego painted, Man At The Crossroads, to be unveiled:

rockefeller examines it. good and great so far, and then...uh oh

“Who’s that fellow…? With the beard, and the bolshevik smile…” “That’s the founder of Soviet Russia, Lenin!”

“B-b-but he’s a communist!” “Oh he just attended a couple of meetings.”

rockefeller will not have this communist in the temple to capitalism that is the rockefeller center, so he orders diego to paint over it. diego stands his ground and refuses. despite rockefeller’s threats, diego says that theres only one person he wants to be proud of him no matter what and in true homer & marge fashion, frida is touched by this. they happily leave the rockefeller center.

now, the real story of Man At The Crossroads and the rockefeller center was actually not that different. as soon as the rockefellers found out diego had snuck in a portrait of lenin into the mural, they ordered him to paint over it, to which he refused. diego even offered to include abraham lincoln and even american abolitionists in the mural as a compromise, but the rockefellers simply did not want any references to communism whatsoever. they did not complain about the hammer and sickle, though. yes, they did know diego was a communist and hired him anyway. what did they expect? lmao. diego said:

"Rather than mutilate the conception [of the mural], I shall prefer the physical destruction of the conception in its entirety, but preserving, at least, its integrity."

so they decided to destroy the mural before it was even finished and they never talked to each other again.

diego then repainted the mural at the palacio de bellas artes back in mexico, this time known as Man, Controller of the Universe. this new version included even more communist leaders and a depiction of john d. rockefeller jr. drinking at a nightclub, right underneath a depiction of syphilis bacteria. cue nelson haw-haw:

this was the version they used in the episode also, since the original was, well, never finished and also destroyed. only a black and white photograph of it exists, taken by diego before it was destroyed so he could remake it.

right so, homer!diego then pulls a Barthood and finishes the episode with a large mural summarizing the entire episode. he says some rick and morty thing i didnt get because i dont watch the show idk idc

the end

ALRIGHT NOW ITS TIME FOR THE STORY OF VINCENT VAN MOE

#if you read all of this bless you #the imageless gdocs version of this is 8 pages long #hope you...enjoy?!?! these art history fun facts?!?!#dont let me do something like this again but also let me know if i should do something like this again #i was really only motivated to do this because im already passionate about the subject so idk if i could do it otherwise #anyway. this took me all day yesterday because the power kept going out #but im finally done #bye

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kylorengarbagedump · 4 years

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im not trying to be mean or anything, but reylos already get enough hate and ever sense fya got popular, the fandom has been more divided. and now theres kylo stans hating on reylos when every reylo stans kylo so its like rly hard cuz so many kylo stan hates reylos

I've not met many Kylo stans who are Reylos. I've met plenty of Ben Solo stans. And I've received plenty of new attempts at bullying from Reylos (sad and bizarre, we used to be friends) who are mad that FYA is "abusive" or because many want to perceive Kylo Ren as a "Dom darkside daddy" and not "appreciate his whole character" or whatever, haha.

It's also strange to me that folks who ship Reylo want to use the exact same tired anti arguments that have been used to harass them to try and disparage me or my work. The correct response to the bullying Reylos receive is not, "um, WE'RE not problematic, look over here!" but to reject the logic of the accusations to begin with.

I don't know what you're being mean about, but this perhaps the third or fourth ask I've been sent by a Reylo in the past 24 hrs that originates from some bizarre beef with FYA--and I just... Genuinely don't care about this topic anymore.

I am sorry for the harassment y'all receive in any capacity, but my favorite person on this planet ships Reylo, like, I simply don't have a problem with the ship. I am just jealous and possessive and want Kylo to myself. If people like FYA and Kylo's portrayal in that fic and feel the same, well, I can't say anything other than I did my job, which was to get you to fall in love with Kylo Ren.

Anyway, as stated, I am extremely fucking bored of this topic and I won't be answering any asks along these lines for the next while, as I genuinely just want to be horny, and this is killing my vibe in multiple ways.

#nerd whinings #cuties

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rureikia · 4 years

Text

Chapter 1

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"Why me?"

"Because you're single and you're my life long best friend! Friends have each other's back, no?"

I stared at Sumiko and instantly shook my head to reject the idea, "Then I don't want my back anymore. I don't want to go."

"Ah (Y/N) please." She clasps her hands in a prayer pose.

A long, tired sigh escapes from my mouth, but she stays stubborn and chooses not to listen to my aspect of the situation, "Uwaaaah, Sumiko what do you not get? I do not go to those sort of events. Who do you think I am?"

Even after I had given her the belated answer she didn't like, Sumiko decided to lean on my work desk further and pulled a rare puppy-dog expression.

She's not actually like this, trust me. Sumiko is much more mature than me, but today she's extremely persistent in acting like a crazy aunt because of this silly little blind date thing.

"You're a bland person (Y/N), that's what I think. And you're literally only going as a substitute so you don't have to uh - date anyone," she explains, "Tag along, you might even enjoy yourself for once. You never have fun anymore, and it'll be like the old times!"

Her hopeful smile doesn't affect me, rather made my eyebrow twitch. Thus, I returned back to my computer screen and continued typing up work as a way to defocus my mind off her, "I don't know what you mean. Of course I have fun, I just don't really like blind dates."

"Goukon is fun though! And you're single."

Right, she doesn't need to mention that I'm single over and over again like that...

"Aha, but you said that I don't need to date anyone." I contemptuously reminded her.

Her expression changes from my words, "Oh, whoops... Yeah whatever! Well, the point is that our other girl can't make it, and we can't have one guy hanging 'cuz it'll be really awkward being the only partner-less one."

"Mm, I see."

"You know what? If you join, I'll even pay for all the stuff you order in the restaurant we're meeting at."

Oh actually, that's something I love to hear on an overworked Friday... Especially since I'm a person that will never be made out of money and buy luxuries.

This statement was the only part that caught my attention fully. Because it's free stuff. That particular free stuff being my hearty dinner for tonight.

I raised a brow as a sign of piqued interest, "Everything...? Are you sure? Really?"

"That includes drinks, yes..." Sumiko looks at me with a proud face, "Absolutely everything."

Smiling curiously I was beginning to consider accepting the offer, "Is there anything else?"

"What do you want?" She says.

For a second, I put a finger to my chin and looked up at the ceiling to hum a heavy brainstorm teasingly.

There was this one idea I had which was going to turn this into a sort of win-win situation for my remaining hours left here. And so I chuckled at Sumiko in this suspicious style whilst her smile instantly wiped off her face - a pensive expression replaced that smile.

Even when watching her quick shift of emotions, I kept beaming as my mind made the decision.

"Here." I said.

I had grabbed the four large piles of documents that were all 5cm thick.

Earlier, it was idly lying next to my computer, waiting for me to start on it. And now, I placed it in front of Sumiko, where she then gawked at me.

You know what made it better? That loud flop sound it made after being dropped.

"W-What?" She gasped.

"Haha, you can do my work."

With my clenched fist raised in front of my face, I furrow my brows in determination. She on the other hand glared at me with threatening intent.

"Thank you very much!" I said, "I'm very excited for this event now Amaya Sumiko! But take your time, do your best!"

"Why (Y/N) -!! You little rascal, you're taking advantage of this aren't you?!" She exhales heavily in disbelief through her mouth.

My chin moves to rest elegantly over on my two intertwined hands that were put up on the desk, "So, when is it? Tell me more, I'm so very excited for this. Is it after work? Seven? Eight? Or are we going wild and starting at nine? Which restaurant is it? "

"God. You're never funny when you do this." She pretends to throw the documents in my face, I however pretended to act scared by shielding myself with my arms. Afterwards, Sumiko continues, "I won't be the one picking the restaurant, but this other guy is gonna do it and he'll text us the location probably an hour before it starts at eight."

"Oh so in three hours to get work done?" I ask.

"...Yeah. I guess."

"Then you better get all that work done or else you'll be working overtime instead of going on dates haha."

She scowls at me and I grin with my teeth showing.

I soon observed her storm off to the opposite side of the office where her own work station was whilst I was still jokingly beaming behind her.

...

I went back to thinking of what could happen with me and the others over in that meetup. I think it won't go awfully too perfect for me, not that meaning I will be pessimistic about it. Ah I'll say it a bit clearer - what I mean is that I won't really be interested in finding someone there since I prefer to meet someone by chance and not choice.

Haha, to be honest... I haven't dated for a while or done anything like this. Well I haven't been in a stable relationship in general for a while. So I'm now kind of nervous...

I've been on a couple dates here and there but never actually got myself a significant other ever since my first real relationship. And it made me a little teary-eyed as I thought my first real boyfriend was probably also my... (sniffs)... Final...

I'd grow into an elderly person and not understand the concept of romantic love anymore as I haven't experienced it in absolute decades by then. Ultimately, I will live life as a lonely senior with dozens of pets to keep me company instead.

If you put yourself in a positive mindset, it sounded quite nice, living with animals until death. But I do not carry that positive mindset so it ended up not sounding very nice.

I did want to find someone before my parents send pictures of potential partners for me to meet and greet... In fact, they've already started - and no matter how many times I tell mom that I'm not interested at the moment, she persists.

Mom wants me to find someone, get married, live in a better house, be financially stable and add new children to the family tree one day, all that whatnot!

Of course, I know she's just worried about my future, but how am I supposed to find love if I basically forgot how it feels?

In addition, there was also this. My lack of feeling for romance is often what makes all the dates I've been on every blue moon, only be a date. Only one date, never another one again. I just can't seem to identify a sort of love with other people, and it makes me afraid about my future.

I guess another factor for my lack of dating experience may be due to my specifically high-level standards I have raised. Because ever since three years ago, I now tend to struggle to find a suitable partner that would make me feel as much emotions as my last one did.

After all, I can't lie to myself that me dating my ex-boyfriend was something I think during some of my nights, not that I wish to reunite of course. But I think about how it's a little strange that he's the one of the only people I'm not related to I've known for a large portion of my life and also the one I strived for more than my current career.

The most important thing to me is my job. But back then, the most important thing to me was him.

From the beginning of middle school, I've known him and I proceeded to get to know him at high school too. So in a way, we were childhood friends, right?

We lived in the same neighbourhood , him actually living right opposite me - we went to the exact same schools too, middle, high school and college. It was like we were meant to be or something haha!

Well... His name was Kita Shinsuke.

He's definitely the I'm-so-perfect-and-good-looking-but-don't-know-it kind of guy, if you get what I mean.

Kita was respected by so many people. He's responsible, always got excellent top tier grades, talks very polite Japanese, always was the teacher's favorite, was even captain of our high school's volleyball team and mentioning it once more, he was quite good looking too. For a bit, I kept having this stigma that his existence was simply unfair and unbelievable... He can do practically anything and wouldn't react that much as if he's some kind of snobby prince. But soon, when I observed him more, everything was done unintentionally and he was simply like that.

...

Often in stories, dramas or anything similar, two kids that live closeby, or have known each other since young are portrayed as something incredibly sweet. Most commonly called this concept of childhood sweethearts.

Two kids would routinely go to and from school together, possibly holding hands, picking sticks that look like magical wands from the ground, buying ice pops in the summer, blowing bubbles, they'd get told off by the elders, constantly spark up trouble together and they'd pet the stray cats etcetera, etcetera. These two would enjoy each other's presence obliviously not knowing what would develop in the future. Because once those kids grow up, only then would they realize what they share is a friendship that has actually been blooming into love.

I guess that's my summary of one of the examples of childhood sweethearts, but I have yet another one to mention!

Two kids in a love-hate scenario this time, to which I think is a little more complicated.

In this case, one party doesn't like the other at first. However, the other party would take somewhat interest whilst still not liking them too. So throughout time, these two will glare and click their tongues in irritation, not even batting an eye of respect at one another. And so their initial relationship therefore being rigid and competitive - but likewise, once they grow up and become more mature, they come to realize they're used to each other's presence so much that it's odd to not live without it! Suddenly they're like, (gasp) Oh!! It must be true love!!

Maybe if fate had given me a childhood sweetheart like that, I could walk around with hearts in my eyes like what you'd see in television shows.

But me and Kita weren't really like either of those.

We really and truly were just two separate lives that lived coincidentally close.

At my younger age, I'd be at home reading manga, watching Doraemon and singing the opening song for Cutie Honey Flash, as Kita would be doing all his homework, playing sports and helping around his house.

It was definitely during middle school. That's when I started to notice Kita a bit more. I mean to be fair, he went to the same school as me, we left at the same time and we also lived in the same area, who on earth wouldn't notice? And at some point, we were put in the same classes miraculously too.

He was for sure a very good boy. Always completed work to his full potential with that annoying photographic memory of his, often did lunchtime duties and was consistently showered compliments by the teachers! Gah! Wasn't fair!

He sat next to me in year 2 middle school which was probably the year I began liking him even more. Because I would turn my head and just see him and then my whole peripheral vision was also still just, him.

Kita and me never bickered at that time slot nor did we talk too much - come to think of it, I think it's either because I was too scared or because of his introvertedly noiseless attitude. Well, more or less I disliked arguing so I thought if I ever argued with a boy like Kita, it would end in the worst.

There was actually this one memorable time, still set in 2nd year middle school, where me and Kita were the ones chosen by the teacher to hand out the numbered vests for P.E. as everyone was going to join in for soccer. There were around 45 vests in total, Kita handed out a pathetic number of 6, then left to go play ball as the other boys asked him, subsequently leaving me behind to do the rest...

I was therefore running around angrily, trying to hand out all the remaining vests for everyone.

Funnily, the less vests I gradually had, the more I got angry since it reminded me how the one that handed the majority of these, were all me.

It was only when I finished handing them out and the teachers told us to find a partner to stretch with, I bumped into Kita again purely by accident.

Looking at him made me mad. At that second, I wish I had scolded or ranted to him or even thrown my numbered vest to his face to the very least, but we partnered up automatically and I had no time or build-up of confidence to do any of that. Instead, I just copied how he was stretching with a scornful face.

He was stretching with complete concentration adding onto this air of tranquility as if he forgot what he just did, and I was weakly doing the same whilst trying to keep my petty thoughts in check.

By the time I twisted my torso to do a different stretch, I glanced at Kita where he was doing a stretch with the opposite arm. And I stood there, watching him, with a slightly open-mouthed expression, similar to a fish.

I was baffled how he was wearing the same tattered and ugly green vest as everyone else in class and how he was wearing just our school's plain P.E clothes - yet somehow, the wind gently brushed his hair, the sunlight made his dark eyes brighter and I saw how he was noiselessly mouthing numbers to himself to count his seconds of stretching.

Similar to a movie, time stopped. Everything turned slo-mo and my heart had a strong twinge at the sight of him.

It was right then, that was the promising moment I fell for Kita.

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nothing-but-kpop-dreams · 5 years

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Just "friends" (Part 6/?)

Guys, I am sorry that the blog in general is pretty much inactive. Life kid if just happens now and my focus has to go to other things. I am still writing but just not as much as I was able to before. But here is part 6 finally.

All parts

It was just a regular tuesday, literally nothing special really. School was as annoying and as difficult as ever and you still haven't gotten any call backs from the job applications you did, but for whatever reason you couldn't stop smiling (well according to lisa anyway).

"Let me guess, your thinking of yoongi right now aren't you!" She teased as the two of you strolled to your art appreciation class.

"No!" You lied.

"Oh please he's all you ever talk about anymore!" She scoffed. "Hey! That reminds me, you never gave me all the details about the date you guys had!"

"Yeah i did."

"Nu uh. All you said was that you went to a movie and ate pizza"

"Cuz that was basically it. Like i said, we went to the movies, then ate pizza at his place." You said "nonchalantly".

"Gurl, i thought we were besties why are you holding out on me!" She whined. "You don't expect me to believe that's all you did. C'mon tell me, he a good kisser?" She added jokingly.

You could feel your face burn. "I wouldn't know." You mumbled.

"What?!?" She squealed. "Y/n you can't be serious! How times have you guys met up and he hasn't even kissed you yet!"

"Ya! It's not a big deal alright. Aren't officially dating anyway." You said despite the fact that it did feel like it was a big deal.

"I take back what I said then. I feel like if he actually likes you, he would have kissed you by now."

You felt a pain in your chest. Lisa had a point. "...well he said he liked me the other night." You said softly. "Maybe yoongi didn't really mean what he said on the "date"." You frowned.

Lisa froze. "WHEN DID HE SAY HE LIKED YOU!" lisa gasped, grabbing you by the shoulders and rattling you a bit. "Y/N THESE ARE THE DETAILS I AM BEGGING YOU FOR."

"At the end of the date!" You answered only after she stopped shaking you.

"And what did you say?!?"

"That i liked him back. But that's it. No kiss or anything just a hug bye when i got into the taxi he called for me."

"Ugh then I take back what I said. Maybe he is just like weirdly shy or something."

The both of you continued to walk in silence.

Even though lisa took back her original comment, the idea of yoongi not really liking you kind of stuck in your head.

When you think about it, he hasn't been texting you as much as before. And he isn't replying back as fast in the few times he actually replies. He said it was because he and that rap friend of his were busy recording, but that could easily be a lie.

"Um dude… what color was yoongi's hair again?"

"Blue. Why?"

"Is that him over there?" Lisa pointed off into the distance.

From her vague gesture your eyes scanned the busy ground of your campus. The guy in the subject though was easy to spot. That signature bushel of neon blue hair popped out at you and it was in fact yoongi.

"What the fuck is he doing here?!?"you gasped and you saw him talking to this much taller guy with platinum color hair.

"How could I know? Why don't you go talk to him and find out."

"Heck no!"

"Why not?" Lisa asked genuinely confused.

You shrugged. "Because… what if he really doesn't like me… like, if he actually liked me wouldn't he had texted he would be here and want to meet me?" So maybe you were quick to be so dramatic, but you couldn't help it. Having had the one person you trusted the most stab you in the back, maybe you were stupid to trust anyone else with your feelings.

"We won't find out unless you go and ask." Lisa brought up again.

"Why bother? Besides we are going to be late for class."

Before you could even head to the direction of class, lisa had already grabbed ahold of you by your backpack. " oh c'mon this is more interesting. What's more important, finding out why yoongi is here and quite possibly getting a better grasp on your relationship status or knowing old paintings?"

In usual lisa fashion, she didn't wait for an answer. She proceeded to "guide" you towards yoongi and the dude he was talking to.

"Lisa, c'mon please. I don't want to talk to him." You whined. " he clearly doesn't want to talk to me, so why bother him?" The last thing you wanted was another out-in-the-open rejection.

"Oh don't say that!"lisa was always the positive one. "That's probably his music friend or whatever. Besides his friend looks cute from over here, maybe I can have a shot at him!" Lisa laughed as you two were getting closer and closer.

Your nerves intensified the closer you got. It reached a point where you planted your feet and stopped moving. "Lisa I'm serious, I don't want to talk to him right now."

Lisa looked down at you with a stern frown for a long moment. She was completely silent up until- "Yoongi! Yoongi over here!" She shouted.

Immediately you looked back in the direction of the two boys only to see yoongi and his friend staring back in your general direction.

"Yoong-" your hand slapped over lisa mouth and you dragged her behind the conveniently placed tree that was beside you both.

"Lisa what are you thinking?!?" You hissed.

"What?" She whined "innocently". "There isn't anything wrong with talking to yoongi. I just want to see how he interacts with you, that way I can advise you to put up with him or not." She justified. "Now, if you excuse me." She said pushing you away and stepped from behind the tree. "Oh yoongi!!!!"

You emerged from behind the tree in attempts to grab lisa and run, but your plans to do so were a fail.

By now, Yoongi and his friend had brought themselves to the two of you. Instead of being greeted by his usual smile, yoongi stared at you with a look of confusion and so did his taller-up-close friend by his side.

"Um… hi." Yoongi said looking between you and lisa.

"Hi!" Lisa smiled. "Nice to finally meet ya!" She stuck her arm out to yoongi for a hand shake and then moved on to yoongi's friend.

"Safe to assume this is the famous lisa you talk about?" Yoongi asked you.

"Yup." You said with a heat filled face.

"Hope we didn't interrupt you guys." Lisa said. "Y/n here just really wanted to say hi."

"Oh did she?" Yoongi smirked.

"Oh so this is your girlfriend!" The tall guy asked, causing yoongi's face to turn a pale shade of pink. "What's up? I'm Namjoon." He stated offering a handshake to you then Lisa.

"Girlfriend?" Lisa murmured to herself with a smile. "Would you look at the time! I'm gonna be late to class. Y/n, I'll just let you talk to your boyfriend and I'll save you a spot. Bye guys!"

"So, uh, y/n, this is namjoon, the one hoseok and I are making music with." Yoongi said to continue with the awkward encounter as smoothly as possible.

The three of you stood under the shade of the tree talking a bit more in depth about the music trio yoongi has been so vague about. It turns out, the reason yoongi was on campus was to brainstorm some lyrics in the library study room. Being in yoongi's place or namjoon"s dorm is too distracting for them to get work done. And it turns out yoongi is a bit superstitious and has kept the group vague as possible to try and not jinx their future.

Namjoon however was the opposite. He was so confident in the three of them being able to sign to a company. He brought up how well their song writing process has been going lately and even offered to let you hear their latest song.

"No, not yet!" Yoongi objected.

"Oh c'mon, she'll love!"namjoon protested.

"It's not done yet, I can always show her when we finish it."

"Aww yoongi c'mon i don't care if it isn't finished yet." You said.

"Nope" his tone was a lot sweeter directed at you. "Gotta wait."

"Well whatever, I got class starting so see you guys later." Namjoon said waving bye before running off.

"...So... I'm your girlfriend huh? When did this happen?" You teased.

"Well… bout a week ago. Hoseok brought you up and I just felt it would get them off my back faster if i just said if you were my girlfriend." He shrugged. "I hope that's okay?" He asked as he nervously ran his fingers through his hair.

Before you could answer, and arm threw itself over your shoulder. "Is he bothering you y/n?" An all too familiar voice asked.

Yoongi's face fell as his eyes landed on the tall boy by your side.

Just like back in the day, Taehyung was by your side at the mere presence of Min Yoongi.

However, unlike the good old days, it was now taehyung that put you in a sour mood. You merely shrugged his arm off and stepped away from him.

"Well if it isn't coconut head!" Yoongi smiled with fake enthusiasm. "It's been a while. You've gotten taller." He said, now having to look up at Taehyung. "I guess I should start calling you palm tree." He laughed.

These were not words Taehyung was willing to put up with. He went straight to the point and demanded for Yoongi so walk off and leave you alone. Thus causing yoongi to get feisty.

Just witnessing the interaction was like being in high school all over again. You stood "helplessly" on the sidelines while Yoongi and Taehyung went back and forth throwing hurtful remarks at one another.

"Taehyung!" Calling him by his real name was so weird. The word was so foreign to you. For years it was only ever "Tae" or "Taetae" even when you guys used to have fights. "Just leave him alone."

"Yeah palm tree! Fuck off!" Yoongi hissed. He did his best to hold himself back from yelling those words like he wanted. Considering he was on university grounds and not even a student he didn't want to make much of a scene.

"I'm not going anywhere until you leave y/n alone!"

"Oh, you want me to leave her alone?" Yoongi smirked. "I thought it was you that she hated now?" He threw back at him.

Taehyung arched his eyebrows at him. "Shut the fuck up! What would you know?" Was his response to call out on what he felt was Yoongi's bluff.

Yoongi's chest rose as a wave of confidence came to him. His eyes glared up at Taehyung and he continued to hold the devilish smirk on his face. "She's my girlfriend so i basically know everything."

"That's bullshit! Y/n hates you. Just leave her alone already."

"Oh really? Don't believe me? Just ask her yourself!"

Taehyung's eyes turned from Yoongi to yours, a look of desperation and shock. You could tell that he didn't want Yoongi's words to be true, but you couldn't figure out why. He was the one that turned you down, after all. In that moment, you knew that you had to somehow prove to Taehyung that you and Yoongi were together, and a few seconds later, you knew what you had to do.

You didn't speak a word. All you did was step up to yoongi, pull him towards you and place a kiss on his lips.

Taehyung stood there shookth. It was understandable considering that the reason the friendship started was due to yoongi being a complete asshole to you. The look on his face was priceless.

"He's my boyfriend so leave him alone." You said blankly.

"Y/n you can't be fucking serious?" Was all taehyung could get out.

You ignored him. The kiss should have been proof enough.

You turned to yoongi. He looked pleased to say the least. "Wanna walk me to class?"

"Sure. Bye palm tree." He smirked giving taehyung the finger before walking off with you.

-Admin Boat

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natsunoomoi · 4 years

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Chinese Romance Novels in English

So by chance and obviously successful marketing, I’ve had a lot of web novel apps being advertised to me and out of boredom I downloaded one and got hooked real bad.

The first app I got I think I might delete because most of it seems like trash and was clearly like American wannabe writers. I kind of just read the first few chapters of one story that they happened to put into an advertised Facebook post and I just wanted to continue the story 1 or 2 chapters just to get off the cliffhanger, but the story itself actually isn’t that good and the character motivations seem kind of stupid. The main character also seems kind of like a Mary Sue where like she is just special by some huge coincidence of fate and it’s kind of annoying. Like the beginning part was alright, and then it took a sharp turn when the first guy she was into that rejected her decided for some stupid reason to challenge her new guy who accepted her and then when he claimed to not concede a fight to the death, he went absolutely apeshit and somehow it traveled into dark magic. Idek. Plus like...almost all the stories on that app for some reason have to do with wolf people and packs? Like it’s obviously some kind of trend inspired from Jacob and Twilight and I don’t even like that series. And in addition to that, it’s like on par with the famously former Twilight fanfiction 50 Shades where it has some really uncomfortable unhealthy depictions of BDSM relationships. Like it’s just kind of thrown in there for no reason...? Like whatever floats your boat, but you can totally write it in there in a more sensible way and not just like throw it in randomly. In that sense, maybe it’s actually worse than 50 Shades. Seriously a lot of the stories on there read like horribly written fanfiction by a 12 year old. I was 12 once and my stories then were no better because I had too many ideas and wanted them all in. That’s how much of a mess those stories are. This one I just mentioned is the better one. There’s another one I started reading that’s much worse that’s like a high school drama that I barely remember the story too, but I remember the person putting in a whole ton of One Direction lyrics, which I think is going to get the person and the app sued because lyrics are copyrighted and the writer shamelessly pointed out they are a Directioner and to unlock new chapters you need certain items that you can earn or buy and basically they’re definitely making money off of it.

But then similar to how I found this app, I found another app that had Chinese romance novels translated into English in the same way I found the previously mentioned app through a Facebook ad, which is cool cuz I don’t often get to read literally anything with main characters that are Chinese let alone Asian. Most of the Asian protagonist media I consume is from Japan and I just gave up on looking up anything in Chinese cuz I honestly didn’t know I could find any in English.

But damn, the quality of writing is rather good. The translations could use some work and consistency where sometimes the translator doesn’t know common English expressions or there’s grammatical mistakes in newer chapters or sometimes I think they’re speed translating too fast and accidentally mix up characters. But the story itself is top notch and suspenseful. I’ve been reading non-stop for the last week and a half and caught up and am awaiting new chapters. Sometimes there’s bits where character decisions are a little frustrating or like some of the plot twists are like again or like how come this person can’t catch a break, but I got invested in the story so quick.

There’s two in particular I’m enjoying right now. One is Irresistible Romance and the other is Thorny First Marriage on Bravonovel. It’s actually a bit pricey to charge for diamonds and pearls to continue the story, but I felt like it was worth it because I did want to read more and didn’t regret it. I actually started a third today just because I ran out of chapters in those two. Both are similar in that the male lead that the female protagonist is with or trying to get with is like a rich Chinese business man that is so well-known for their business acumen and power via their company that they can strike fear into the hearts of other people and companies. So there’s like some intrigue and like really fascinating maneuvers and media manipulation.

In Irresistible Romance, the main character is an actress that had a really shitty relationship with the loser President of her management company who was cheating on her with another actress and he had convinced his fiancee (the main character) to basically give up her life for him and help him to push the actress that he was ultimately having an affair with. The main character, Yan Wen, gives up the final straw when like he ditches her at the Marriage Registration Office for some lame excuse where he’s with his mistress and by chance the rich guy in this story shows up at the Registration Office and gets stood up by his own prospective fiancee although for him it was a random girl he picked from a pile just to satisfy his family getting on his case about not finding a wife. So basically because the main character grows a spine and decides fuck her fiance she’s not going to just take his bullshit, she asks the rich guy, Jiang Sui-an, if he’d mind marrying her. He totally accepts though and they get married on the spot. He seems at first to be kind of a cold-hearted jerk, but he’s actually super cool. Like he marries Yan Wen just to get his family off his back, but then after he does some research into his wife and finds her super interesting and as she begins her journey of trying to take back her life from her ex-fiancee and his stuck up bitch mistress, he like finds out and helps from the shadows and like realizes she’s actually super cool too. And then like through the whole process they actually fall for each other and are super sweet and have each other’s backs. They have a really beautiful and healthy relationship where they can each have their own separate lives and do their thing, but they get supported and help when needed.

It was so refreshing cuz like the rich CEO thing was like a huge fetish for sure especially after 50 Shades, but like a lot of people noted, that relationship was hella unhealthy. This story though, Sui-an lets Wen take her time fixing her career and life in her own way and like postpones announcing their marriage so she can set things right herself. He totally supports her space and her own decisions, but if he ever sees that she needs an extra boost or gets backed into a corner by some unexpected thing, he steps up and lends a hand. But ultimately he leaves everything up to her decision. And like on her end too, she’s totally a really good supportive wife and tries to make sure she doesn’t worry him too much and that he gets plenty of sleep and eats regularly, and she even tries to help him where she can with his work. They are so cute together. Along the way a lot of other people try to defame Wen or pull some shady entertainment world tactics, but she stays poised and lets the truth come out on its own or even does some defensive research and stuff. It’s so good.

Plus, writing-wise it’s really fascinating how they intertwine the online commentary tabloid headlines into the story so you can see different angles. And then when they write the antagonists’ sides they give you their internal dialog POV so you can understand the situation the best. The actual story and plot development is so good.

Then Thorny First Marriage, holy shit the intrigue. Plus for the most part, the main character is most like my personality only I’m not a former journalist. It’s just a lot of her reactions and sassy thoughts to things are really similar to me and how I feel like I would react if I was in her position. There’s a few times where she does things that I don’t think I would necessarily do or I would do things a bit more drastically, but so good and I identify with her. Writing-wise I don’t think it’s as good as Irresistible Romance because there’s been two times where they kind of forgot about something that they mentioned in an earlier chapter, so they have some issues keeping track of their plot twists, and there’s a few times where I’m reading like, “Why don’t you just tell them what happened and then they’d STFU?”

But yeah, this story starts out with the main character, Xia Zhi, waking up in the presidential suite of a hotel and not knowing how she got there and distinctly feeling like she was raped and finding some...remnants on the bed next to her. As the plot develops you find out that her asshole husband, who had never touched her himself for some reason and has the spine of jellyfish, sold her to some rich guy for 2 million bucks (she finds out later). What the actual hell? What kind of husband pimps his wife to another man?! And like she gets a pregnancy test later and somehow someone blabs to her mother-in-law and her mother-in-law totally doesn’t believe her and she knows that her son and her were never intimate, so she throws her out of the house. Then some dude that’s like some kind of secretary or assistant just comes by all stalker-like that appears to be from some rich guy that knows her and basically coerces her into going with them and going to some mystery safe house mansion. She’ll be cared for there by two staff, but she also tries to escape and find out who tf this guy is and if he’s the Dad. She still has a job and goes to work as a journalist, but gets assigned to interview some rich VP of a famous company. All the while she’s trying to get a hold of her asshole husband to find out what the hell happened to her that night she didn’t remember where she got super frickin’ drunk at his company party. This dick has been in hiding and trying to avoid her for some reason since that night and he finally calls back in the middle of her interview and because she’s freaking out about her unexplained pregnancy she unprofessionally takes the call. The rich VP, Sang Qi, ends up calling her boss and getting her fired, which I mean, obviously. That’s a thing where I probably wouldn’t have taken the call. One of the differentiating things between her and me. But how she reacts to being fired, yeah, that’s totally me. She runs into Sang Qi later at a rich people shopping mall shop and somehow manages to steal his phone and starts a plotline where she tries to use it as leverage to like get back at him and make a living for herself that also involves him being crafty and like kind of tricking her into some situations like confronting her ex-husband. And then like at some point she remembers a custom cufflink she remembered finding in the room she woke up in that one time and starts to wonder and suspect if maybe Sang Qi was the guy cuz he does have those kinds of things. And she like looks at the cufflink she has that she took from the room as evidence, but she has to do a direct comparison. He like uses GPS to find her mansion prison and tries to take back his phone and Zhi gets like even more suspicious that he is the guy cuz for some reason he knows how the balcony door at the place works even though it has a weird af lock, and they have witty banter and somehow he ends up staying over and she tries to sneak in his room at night to check out his cufflink but he catches her. And like hot damn, so much intrigue. After like a ton of frustration with trying to interrogate everyone around her about who the baby Daddy is she’s just like f it, I’m not going to be your baby incubator and tries to go get an abortion (I would’ve gone way sooner) and before they can start the procedure Sang Qi shows up and claims to be the Dad, and then afterward also takes care of her because she’s allergic to anesthetic. Since she knows who now they like stay together and stuff and she tries to question him about that night, but he actually has no memory of it either cuz he was super frickin’ drunk too. It’s just a lot of unanswered questions. And like since he’s supposedly the Dad, he tries to get closer to her, but she won’t let him really. There’s a lot of witty banter between them and like he even helps her out with her loser husband by getting him demoted. Over time they actually become fond of each other and like used to each other, and it’s really sweet. He actually is there for her and helps her on a number of occasions even though she doesn’t really trust him cuz of course he bought her right? But then little by little you see them really start to like each other and it seems like he might be more interested whereas Zhi is like more reserved because he’s her captor as far as she knows. But then just when you think that maybe they’ll get together, Qi disappears and then the process of him showing up you find out who the actual Dad is and a whole lot of family drama, and other drama where like you actually don’t know where Qi stands, and it like isn’t until like where I am that you find out he was actually upright the whole time. It’s so stressful but it’s so good.

There was a couple of times earlier one where there’s misunderstandings with other people, where I was like, dude, just tell the people your asshole husband sold you for money. I think they’d be more understanding of your situation if they knew.

And then like...for me, I like Qi and I came around to him after awhile, but like I suspected him and didn’t like him toward the beginning especially because he didn’t do or say anything that made him seem trustworthy. He never really lies except for one thing (about being the father), but also he like isn’t that truthful either, or rather, he doesn’t stop to actually explain himself properly which would have made Zhi not like freak out or mistrust him and would have made me not mistrust him. Like I shared a lot of Zhi’s fears because she was in an unfamiliar situation and being manipulated like a puppet by someone with money, and this guy claims to be the one that bought her like an object to be a baby incubator. I and the main character can’t respect that no matter how nice he is. If he admit he didn’t do it at the beginning it would have made all the difference. It’s a trek to find out who though. And at first even that guy sounds disgusting, but like where I am in the story maybe not? Like almost sympathetic.

The only one that I like really hate and disgusts me is her original husband. Like eww. He’s such a greedy asshole. And like later on you find out that actually he lied to her about how much he sold her for and it was actually more. What the actual fuck?! It wasn’t bad enough that you sold your wife for money, but you had to lie to her too about how much it was so you can hide the money from her? And for such a long frickin’ time he tried to coax her to come back and to not divorce him. What the actual hell? What kind of delusion is he living in?! But like also her original husband reminds me of someone I knew in real life when I was in uni. He was a friend of mine initially, but at some point he started making really uncomfortable jokes and it seemed like he liked me or something. I never viewed him that way, but we just hung out. And then at my uni because there was a huge rush to like try to figure out 2nd year housing, we arranged to do a co-ed roommate situation where like me and another girl and him and his friend would stay in apartment from our second year. To me that seemed normal cuz other friends of mine did that too because there’s only so many people you know and you have to try to snatch up and apply for apartments as soon as possible. There were long wait lines and I actually hadn’t thought about it until the last minute, so I didn’t see it as having much of a choice. But he started making cracks and fantasizing about neighbors and people misunderstanding and thinking we were married, which I didn’t find funny and how and why when there were other people we were living with too? It made me super uncomfortable and during the summer he was kind of like a stalker and tracking where I went so I just started avoiding him every chance I could. After awhile thinking about him made me feel physically ill. The next year after that my roommate decided to move out with two other girls into a different apartment (after unsuccessfully trying to make him leave). But the whole thing with how Zhi’s first husband was written totally reminded me of that guy. Especially with the lame excuses when confronted and stuff and not thinking and his unhealthy tie to his parents’ way of living.

That said, finding these stories are kind of like an unexpected comfort. I wish I could find someone as supportive as Sui-an or Qi. Especially when the men I’ve met in my life were just as bad as some of the other male characters or arguably worse. I’ve been bullied by the guys I fell for, I’ve liked some guys that were way too moody, I’ve had guys that liked me that were not creepy too, but I just wasn’t interested in them or the timing was just wrong, I’ve given up someone I really cared for because a mutual friend of ours crossed a line and then posthumously went kind of crazy from the grief, and I’ve met guys that were really fucking stupid and didn’t know how to act appropriately in a professional situation and actually sexually harassed and retaliated against me. I’m so tired and almost 4 years into living in Japan, I’m starting to realize that because of that last one, I think I gave up on my life because of trauma. Just hurt too many times, so don’t even think about love anymore cuz why bother? It took awhile for me to even be able to become a functioning human being again after the PTSD of harassment. I was really bad and freaking out because the guy that did it was so frickin’ stupid that he like wasn’t actually responsible enough to know the things he shouldn’t do and it was freaking me the hell out that he just didn’t know when he crossed a line. So I ran away to another country and tried to rebuild some semblance of a life for myself. Now my home country is a goddamn mess and I’d be in a worse position to go home, but at the same time, although my heart has healed enough to the point that I can function as a human. I am not at all motivated to look for anyone or let myself care for someone ever again. When I was younger I had so many dreams and really wanted a family. But now I am sad to say I have resigned myself to believing that that will probably never happen because I am apparently plagued by horrible people. I haven’t met horrible people since I’ve been in Japan, but I also don’t go out and talk to anyone other than co-workers and students because I’m busy and in my free time I want to introvert. It’d be kind of nice if I was lucky and had a kind of random chance like Yan Wen cuz like, I just can’t and don’t want to put up with low quality people.

That said, I was talking with my boss and co-worker the other day and we were discussing how China’s population problem with the bachelor society so there’s a lot of men but less available women to be their wife, so I was kind of wondering if that was also kind of how come so many modern day Chinese romance novels seem to involve a rich CEO. I suppose in China right now the chance that you could marry one is greater than anywhere else in the world because of the population problem, so maybe they’re trying to promote moving there and marrying them. LOL I’d be kind of suspicious of whether or not they’d be able to be like actually good husbands for real, but I suppose there probably is some sense of desperation.

And then because I ran out of chapters to read for today because I have to wait for them to translate more, I started another one about a Bossy Ghost Husband? It’s kind of creepy at the beginning, but the ghost husband thing has been something I was kind of curious about because you can marry the dead in China. But like for real I also wondered if youkai really are real or not and if you could unknowingly marry a youkai or something too, so basically it’s right up my alley too. And then also because my life is garbage I was like seriously thinking and wondering if it would actually be so bad to be single to the people who know you around you, but married actually to a ghost and have a ghost husband to go home to? Like would that actually be bad? I suppose in that same vein, it’s not much different from WoL having a secret relationship with Emet-Selch, but yeah.

Anyway, all of this gave me a lot to think about.

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devilboyblues · 4 years

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tw for cocsa, bullying, violence

all of this happened within a few years. i’ve kinda underestimated how much this stuff could affect me. maybe i need to deal with it. been only focusing on what the adults did to me, not my peers

i went on some sort of retreat with people my age. it was a long hiking journey and supposed to be a coming of age thing. i was the youngest there. this girl was immediately friendly. i noticed that she and her friends (who i thought were my friends) kept doing this uh... sign on their forehead. i asked about it, was told it was nothing. the girl (C) said that this other girl uh M hated me. M was fat, and slow. we were both the slowest. she was a target of ridicule, and since i was told she hated me, i joined in.

there was some other BS but C says she wants to do something for me. she tells me to close my eyes. i feel something weird.. .down there. had no idea what it was, but it was in front of the others and i felt humilated because i knew enough that it was bad. shortly after that she mocks M for eating ice cream and i defend her. it all clicks into place. i talk to M and yep, C was pitting us against each other. she had turned the others against me, and M was one of the few that supported me. the sign i had been noticing? was a special signal among her in group about how much of a loser i was.

a bit of an upside? when this came together, me, M, and an older girl (the oldest one there, and the only other POC) banded together and called her out on this. C had been trying to pit me and the older girl against each other too. we joined together at the end as buddies.

but still. once i got older and figured out what she did to me (that... thing) in front of others i’ve felt ashamed

i was being heavily bullied at a new school i went to. yeah i was weird and depressed and one of the few poc so i was an easy target. it was also like really obvious i was gay and trans or at least gnc. (i never was good at hiding that stuff, partially because i didnt know you were supposed to for a long time). there was a group of boys that would harass me every time i passed by. usually targetting my looks, my sexuality (learned some new terms for being gay), or my mixed race. i fuicking lost it one time they said disgusting things about my parents

anyway this group was part of my gym class, and i beg to get out of it because it was constant humiliation. so! i get a job working in the school office instead. it was pretty great, taught me some skills that have helped me professionally. except one part. every day i would have to deliver the absent/tardy slips to classrooms. one of them was shop class and an older boy from there liked trapping me against the wall. talking about what he would do to me. it was a terrifying mix of sexual and violent. i cant remember specific words which might be a blessing. he would say he was joking. i never reported him because i was terrified of what he would do to me if he found out i told. one time he said he would r*pe me and i stress vomited and found a way to have someone else take the attendance slips

a good conclusion? well i told on the group of boys that was bullying me, and i retaliated against the guys in one class who were being racist and didnt get in trouble. that one guy? well. i told JUST enough to have someone else take the slip but no more. kinda wish i said more now but im not sure it would have gone well.

i was at a camp. character building! i, stupidly, had a crush on a guy and let people know. im not sure if i told people or if i was just really bad at hiding things. i am notoriously bad at being subtle. anyway! this cute guy has just one hiccup. his friend is creepy as hell. oh right and i am a laughinstock of the entire camp. but before i knew this i would do whatever the friend told me to, to have a better chance with my crush. he would pull me into secluded areas, including one time a place explicitly called the makeout shack. he wanted me to tell him in explicit detail how i would fck his friend. he fixated on parts of my body. had a ... weirdly clinical view of how this fucking was supposed to go down, which i was too young to understand at the time. he was seriously weird in talking about body parts. he talked like that “fava beans and a nice chianti” guy. so even if i was too young to get what he was going at i was seriously creeped out.

i asked the guy out, it went over like a fart. his “friend” keeps pushing me to do more. maybe demonstrate to him what i’d want to do to him. a actual friend stepped in and told him he was being massively creepy. he shut up, but it was the end anyway so? but thank you K, you are a real hero

i had a best friend for years. this girl joins our school and decides im now her new best friend. not that unusual i guess except that she laid her claim to me by like hurting me and isolating me from my friends. wanted to do a blood ritual to bond us forever? shit was fucked. we also shared a racial heritage (not sure how to put) so i put up with this partially to have someone like me and she also said she would teach me about our culture. she forced me to do everything she asked like give her piggyback rides even tho i was much smaller. she degraded me in front of my friends. i am lucky i didnt lose my best friend.

she invites me to her house. she keeps hounding me for a kiss. i have zero interest in this and keep dodging her. we are downstairs? and doing something with laundry idk and she slams me against the pool table. i remember my head cracking the pool table. i didnt think that could happen. she gets on top of me and ???

then later we are in her bedroom and i am rejecting her. she pulls out a knife and threatens to kill us both. i try to calm her down but tbh cuz of the stuff before i am seriously freaking out and i think i scream. something happens that her mom comes in the room and intervenes, calling my parents. i dont see her again after that

#rape tw #csa tw #cocsa tw #violence

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girlbookwrm · 5 years

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It’s here! At last! THE MIGHTY PRE ENDGAME REWATCH CONTINUES, WITH:

AKA IS IT MY BIRTHDAY? YES. YES IT IS.

(or it was at any rate, it took me Some Time to get this all typed up because holy fuck it’s long. looks like i’ve got Some Feelings about The Winter Soldier. WHO KNEW)

ANYWAY, if you’re wondering what the hell this is all about i’ve been rewatching all the marvel movies (and commentating on them) in preparation for Avengers: Endgame and NOW IT IS TIME FOR MY FAVORITE ONE

I got @goteamwin and @pegasuschick here IT’S A PARTY! WE GOT COOL RANCH DORITOS AND BRAINWASHED SUPERSOLDIERS LET’S DO THIS.

Day 912: i still miss the old marvel logo

LISTEN THIS IS THE BEST OPENING SCENE IN MARVEL HISTORY FIGHT ME.

“~on your left ;)~” honestly? iconic.

God Bless Steven Grant Rogers and his Smedium Shirts.

Steve, known bisexual disaster, is hitting on Sam here. this isn’t even in question, right? Sam’s quip about “making me look good to the girl at the front desk” was a soft rejection and Steve takes it like a champ.

Important to note: the black widow uses emojis in her text messages.

Also important to note: Sam Wilson hits on the Black Widow because he flies into combat at 100 miles per hour wearing a tee-shirt and dad jeans he fears nothing not even death itself

also also important to note that The Roommate went to see this movie by herself, low key cosplaying as Fem!Cap. she did this in part because I had gone to see it first (i was in the UK at the time, and it came out over there before it came out in the US. ~IRONY~) and as soon as I got back from seeing it (i had low-key cosplayed as fem!Hawkeye. it’s a long story) I emailed her and was like O HAI U SEEN DIS? U WILL LIKE IT. ~and she dii-iiiiiid.~

every time i see this scene now, i hear that bit from the gag real.

cevans: Kill the engines. wait for instructions. *whining and stamping his foot* cuz i’m in chaaaaaaaarge.

Being asked about your dating life and then immediately jumping out of an airplane is a Big Mood

I would like us all to appreciate that steve put a nice matte stealth finish on his patriotic dinner plate, special for this mission.

Also, we’re all agreed that Steve kills at pool, yeah? Give me Steve being a pool shark at the local watering hole plz n thank.

Steve: *punches a guy through the shield*

The Roommate: but why does he punch that guy through the shield?

Me, having a Terrible Thought: Maybe one time he accidentally punched through a guy’s face and ever since then he uses the shield as, like, a buffer when he wants to take people alive.

The Gal Pal: WOW. YOU WENT THERE.

parkour!

~Hey Sailor ;)~

that one guy working for Batroc really needs to lay off the steroids, or whatever is giving him this Unnecessary Rage. You know the guy I mean.

love how batroc is jchilling and then WHAM! IT IS I! AMERICA!

ON! VA! VOIR!

did he learn this from Dernier? he learned this from Dernier.

The Gal Pal: that is a ridiculously huge flash drive

Me, Just Now: overcompensate much?

Nat’s little eyeroll after Steve says “you’re damn right”

The Roommate: Nat is So Tired of Steve’s Drama™. And now she’s going to have to deal with his cold shoulder the whole flight back, and she’s going to have no one to talk to but Rumlow and uggghhhhhh

Steve comes into Fury's office and Damn. Dat Ass.

The Roommate: They know what they're doing here.

eyyyyyy tony’s in this movie (kinda)

I love that Steve just like, drives around with the shield on his back.

Enter The Smithsonian.

The Roommate: I! LOVE! THIS! SO! MUUUUUUCH!!!

Me: Gee sure would be nice to be able to go to a smithsonian right now.

*american sobbing intensifies*

The Roommate: what is the timeline here? does he come straight back from the mission into yelling at fury? and then straight here?? Is Steve just like “oop time to go look at my old stuff and Emote”? Is this his routine??

buckyyyyyyyyyyy

listen yall know the extent of my BuckRogers feels but every time they pull out that compass i develop a terrible case of The Steggies.

“It’s just not the same” ha ha kill me.

~So Dramatic ;)~

“Steve?” HA HA HA KILL ME

Fury’s Computer:

At This Juncture The Commentators Would Like It Noted That It Has Been 23 Solid Minutes of Stuff We 1000% L O V E and everyone’s favorite brainwashee has not even appeared yet.

but he’s coming

s o o n

Also, we all hate Alexander Pierce but he is a great villain and also Robert Redford might be an older fella but he can definitely still get it heyooo

Steve is so awkward here. But like, imagine him actually going to one of these VA things, like everyone’s all “ied this, helicopter that” and steve’s just like “so one time in ‘44 i punched my way into a panzer”

The Roommate, Who Is Sometimes More Evil Than Me: ~NOW IS AN EXCELLENT TIME TO REMEMBER THAT RILEY WASN’T IN A PLAAAAAANE~

at this moment, the DC driving types lost their goddamn minds.

“WHAT IS THIS? WHERE IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE? WHERE, IN WASHINGTION, THE DISTRICT OF GODDAMN COLUMBIA, IS THERE THIS LITTLE TRAFFIC, HUH??”

“You wanna see my lease?” i c o n i c.

Did you know that SLJ was an actual Black Panther? I did not know this, but as soon as the Gal Pal told me, i was like “oh yeah that checks out.”

meanwhile, the couch based road rage continued all around me.

“This part of DC ~DOES NOT EXIIIIIIIIIIIIST~”

“Traffic alert? on the Roosevelt Bridge? Yeah in other news WATER IS WET.”

“wait is he getting on 66? ARE YOU GETTING ON 66?? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???”

“Have you ever even been on 495?????”

HE’S HERE!!!

just like, damn gurl, u make that highway ur catwalk.

Me: What the hell kind of laser pointer do you have there, Nick?

The Gal Pal & The Roommate: It’s A Lightsaber.

The Roommate: So is this just like? An Average Day In The Life Of Captain Rogers? Get up, go for a run, annoy a veteran, fly to the other side of the world, kick ass, fly home, talk back to a superior officer, drop my priceless shield off at home, go emote at a smithsonian exhibit, have my heart ripped out by my nonagenarian ex, go flirt with annoy a veteran (part two, now with added Feelings™) go home, get rejected by my neighbor, CHASE A FUGITIVE.

JUST ANOTHER DAY! IN THE LIFE OF STEVEN GRANT ROGERS!!

honestly his neighbors must hate him

that’s why Sharon’s his neighbor, everyone else LEFT.

The Biggest Flash Drive

Let’s Not Forget, that because she is undercover as a nurse, Sharon probably just kicked that door down with crocs.

YOU’RE WELCOME

let’s appreciate that the Soldier’s theme music is just SCREAMING and also you should know that every time it comes on, the Gal Pal and I start SCREAMING. not, like, in an “oh we’re excited” way, just, like, the way you sing along to the theme song of your favorite TV show, you know?

PARKOUR!

The Roommate: good job with your eyeliner there, buddy. You Did Your Best.

The Gal Pal: That Is Dupont Circle and Steve is Extremely Gay.

(yes, we know he’s bi.)

Natasha really should know better than to believe that Nick is dead.

THAT IS THE WORST PLACE TO HIDE THE FLASH DRIVE

The Gal Pal: genuinely, it’s such a bad hiding place it stresses me out.

The Roommate: Yeah, what was he thinking? I mean, was his logic just that no one likes that gross bubblegum?

Me: UM WHAT?

The Gal Pal: EXCUSE YOU THAT IS BUBBLE YUM.

The Roommate: ... yeah but it’s the gross bubblegum flavor?

At this point we lost a few minutes to divide into Pro and Anti Bubblegum Camps and then had to run the movie back because we missed:

~Neighbor ;)~

i c o n i c

The Roommate: Sir. Stop Having That Face. That is Illegal.

(she is having A Difficulty. The Difficulty is cevans’ jawline)

But seriously: What actually happens in this scene? We are all Steve and we all want to punch our way out of this confusing conversation.

God that face/those tits/that ass tho

Young Man. You Stop That.

THE ELEVATOR SCENE. I mean how many movies can say that some of their best scenes happen in an elevator? That alone is a real accomplishment.

They’re all ~soooo casual~ and then there’s rollins, who isn’t even trying. “records.” These WWE wrestlers are not going to records, come on.

at this point we stopped commentating except in inarticulate whoops of delight and shrieks of glee. except for one brief aside

Me: This scene is so sexy, but like, not in a sexy way? Like, the fighting style isn’t that “oooo I’m fighting in a sexy way” it’s just, it’s so...!

The Roommate: Primal?

and I regret to inform you all that yes, she is 100% Correct, it is indeed sexy in a primal way.

“whoa big guy”

i just.

that’s all i got on that

tiny turtle of freedom

we had the subtitles on, and it just says “woman screams” Screams in what? JOY?

It’s raining men! Hallelujah!

“Stand down, Captain Rogers! Stand! Down!

Captain Rogers: *accelerates*

They’re being made to watch social media so what I want to know is which poor SHIELD guy got stuck monitoring tumblr?

“oh we’re getting all kinds of hits but uhhhhhhhhh they’re not......... pertinent..............”

why doesn’t The Biggest Flash Drive have a cap? it is now full of crumbs. it’s full of crumbs, guys. if it’s going to be that big it should at least be one of those cool slider ones.

“Are you calling for my resignation? do you know who i am? Bitch I Am Robert Redford.”

Apple Store Aaron. “hey guys why’s your flash drive so big??”

“yeeeah. we’re getting married.”

Honeymoon destinations -- where are you going?

Steve: (without thinking, reads the first thing he sees) New Jersey

Steve: *dies a little inside*

Steve: *forgive me bucky for i have sinned*

I love that they’re coming out and Steve is 100% tactical brain and then Nat’s just like “put your arm around me and laugh” and when it works Steve just looks back over his shoulder like:

oh my god it worked???

sPyING is WitCHCraFT?????

“was that your first kiss since 1945?”

“That was not my first kiss since 1945,” said Steven Grant Rogers, Who Is Definitely Lying, and Furthermore, Is Fooling Exactly No One.

Sidenote: Ship and let ship, obviously and always, but I love Steve and Nat as BROS too much to ever see them romantically, The Bromance Is Strong With Them.

it’s been said before, but it’s worth saying again

Steve: kind of hard to find someone with shared life experience.

Bucky, ten minutes later, wearing bondage gear: HELLO IT IS I

SKINNY STEVE!

of course he memorized the army regulations.

Listen. The cell phone trick Bugs Me™ and the only thing that lets me get through it is the idea that they cleverly cut around natasha standing there for 40 minutes trying out every possible permutation of those numbers, with possible duplications.

I like the idea that Computer!Zola has been building this little fanvideo since the mid-seventies and he’s just! so excited! to show it to someone!

Steve punching the screen is another Big Mood.

“even captain america and the black widow can’t survive a missile Directly To The Face” BITCH U THOUGHT

it’s nice that they give bucko a kirk light here

~u want some milk? ;)~

honestly, what the fuck even is that line.

they made Robert Redford say that line.

what does it mean

YOUNG MAN! THAT IS! ILLEGAL!

altho tbh i want a slightly grubby Steve in a tank top to give me a pep talk, like, every day. that would be fine.

The Gal Pal, A Curly Haired Individual: hhhhhhhow did Natasha straighten her hair. This makes me So Angry.

Me: I mean, I like to imagine her with Sam’s Iron and ironing board, just like *mimes frantically ironing hair with a Very Soviet Expression*

Fort Meade is the best scene that isn’t in the movie.

Aw Gary Shandling’s here. Awwwww Gary Shandling...

Sam, are you intimidating this guy or flirting with him?

To Those who remember the Potato/Gremlin Scale, I propose a third option, a kind of venn diagram situation going on, where the third option is Fey Creature. Sam is neither Potato nor gremlin, but he might be a Fey Creature.

God I love this scene.

LOOK AT SAM HERE: No armor, no flightsuit, no fucking knee pads no goddamn helmet just Casual Dad Falcon, Suns Out Guns Out.

Steve: What the fuck’s an SAT.

he’s coming.

*SCREAMING*

he’s here.

is it murder or is he modeling?? “you got this Soldier, make ‘em wait for it... Boom.”

this is the greatest fight scene of all time, honestly. This and then the fight scene in the first RDJ holmes movie are the Only fight scenes i can even remotely stand to watch. Except maybe some of the bending battles in ATLA. but this scene. this is top of the list. it’s just. *kissy chef fingers*

Soldier strolling along not firing his weapon because he has no shot and he is a Child of the Depression who don’t waste no bullets.

only loses his cool when Widow Breaks his stuff.

Sam Wilson: Brings a pocket knife to an automatic rifle fight and wins.

“go, I got this!”

aw yeah you do

THAT STRUT™

Soldier strolling along the street. so bored. could be home watching project runway.

That thing Soldier does with the arm Does Things to me for reasons that I choose not to examine too closely

ANYWAY WE DON’T HAVE TIME TO UNPACK ALL OF THAT.

“who the hell is bucky” wow there Soldier you went from Full Russian to American Accented English awfully quick I Wonder Why

Soldier’s reaction to confusion is to Immediately Shoot and honestly that’s a Big Mood.

We are all agreed that the only reason SHIELD succeeds in taking Steve in is because

look at that face

steve’s not here right now, please leave a message.

More DC Area Rage: “WHERE IS THIS DAM? WHERE??”

natasha y r u surprised that Fury is alive?

oh noooooooooooo it’s time for this scene

OHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOO

Robert Redford to James Buchanan Barnes: You are a literal treasure.

OH NO OH NO OH NO

The Roommate: yeahhhhh this was maybe an. inappropriate scene for me to have to see in a theater. alone.

I love that while they’re making this ridiculous plan (yeah it’s ridiculous, i don’t care) Fury has to check in with Sam (WHO HE HAS LITERALLY NEVER MET BEFORE) presumably to just touch base and be like “Is this White Nonsense™?”

spoiler alert it is not White Nonsense™, but it definitely is Extra™

DAT JAWLINE THO. of course he’s giving the orders, LOOK AT THAT JAWLINE

LIL STEEB!

I’m with you to the end of the line.

what kind of marriage vow nonsense is that

jesus.

anyway, Sam comes in like: IT IS I! YOUR BEST FRIEND! YOUR BEST FRIEND IS ME NOW!

poooterrrr!!

This is the second secure government facility that they have broken into. Possibly the third, depending whether you count the bunker.

Dem Asses. Seriously. Everyone in this shot has an enviable ass. *distinguished golf clapping* bravo

“~Excuse us~” i c o n i c

God, Steve gives this speech and then we get sam’s reaction and you can physically see him having a sexual identity crisis and honestly BIG MOOD THERE, SAM

I have questions about the effect of this on the potomac river which has already had a hard enough time and does not deserve this Supervillain Nonsense.

you are ON FOOT steven. it is a FLYING AIRCRAFT CARRIER and you are ON! FOOT!

i’m so mad that it works too

mad, but like, also turned on. duh.

what’s cap’s true superpower? DRAMA

The saddest thing in this movie is that Jenny Agutter is Scarlet Johansson

don’t get me wrong, i like scarjo but this movie would’ve been even better if it wasn’t the black widow and was just a badass old british lady.

The Roommate: Sam’s superpower is that he’s the sane one.

Me: He flies into combat at 100 miles per hour with a jet pack and a tee shirt he is not the sane one.

The Roommate: Sam’s superpower is that he’s the emotionally balanced one?

Me: given the aforementioned armorless airborne combat situation that is highly fucking debatable my dude.

*SCREAMING*

HE’S HERE

let’s appreciate that Bucky is definitely flying this quinjet with a dead guy that he just murdered as his copilot.

i don’t know why that is so badass to me but it is

again, we don’t have time to unpack all of that, moving on.

Nick Fury: BITCH YOU THOUGHT

sidenote: i’m gonna really enjoy coming back to this movie after Captain Marvel. I can just feel it.

Maria is so casual about this. And that is an extremely sexy thing. I’m not sorry.

“Hey Sam, I’m gonna need a ride.”

Sam is still learning Rogersese and does not know that this means “I ALREADY DID THE STUPID THING PLEASE COME GET ME.”

Bucky ripping the wings off a beautiful butterfly

because Sam IS a beautiful butterfly.

except now his knees and legs and ankles are all broken because That’s How Bones Work.

he’s here

lol of course he’s got a knife.

I just love the sounds the arm makes.

butwedon’thavetimetounpackallofthat

the slide Bucky does here, this isn’t combat this is voguing.

Steve fights like the world is his barroom, bucky fights like the world is his catwalk.

“DON’T YOU TALK TO MY DAUGHTER LIKE THAT,” Nicholas J Fury

what’s the found family version of a BroTP? I have that for Dad!Nick and Adopted!Soviet!Assassin!Daughter!Natasha.

found familotp? FFOTP? no, that sounds like some kind of tactical asset. “LAUNCH THE FFOTP”

anyway, get on this tumblr, i want at least 10 options on my desk by monday.

This Extra. He could honestly make a living playing Confederates and Klansmen, you know which extra I mean.

“wHere ahre the tahrgets?”

the targets... is we.

A DC Local Aside: Everyone on 495 is So Tired of this nonsense. I sincerely hope they all remembered to pee before they left work. I hope they have snacks and water in their cars. because they now live on 495.

this shitshow is gonna fuck up our already extremely fucked up traffic patterns for yeeeeaaaaarrrrrssssss

Sam’s a born quipper, so i really like it when he sees the helicarrier coming down and just fucking bolts. NO TIME FOR SASS WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE

“Got a location on Rogers?”

Don’t know where he is, but he’s doing something stupid, i Guarantee It.

“you know me.”

“nNOo I dOn’T!”

Oh Steve. You put that shield down So Often. And you keep having to fucking pick it up a-fucking-gain.

And This Was The Moment When We All Realized That We Were In Trouble.

Big Mood, Bucky. Big Mood.

Sam wasn’t on the approved visitor’s list or anything, he just winked at one (1) nurse and they let him in.

i know just what to say it’ll annoy him so fucking much. “on your left.”

“Why haven’t we heard from Captain Rogers?”

Because he is taking a damn nap.

no but seriously, because if we put him in front of a camera right now, you will get the Talking To of the Century.

*eight hours later, congress is crying, hydra has surrendered, fox news is shutting down, steve rogers is still going strong* “AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON STUDENT DEBT!”

~cool guys don’t look at congressional meltdowns. They drop the mic and they walk away~

IT WAS CLEVELAND, IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING.

THEY FILMED IN CLEVELAND.

(they did film some in DC, obviously, but also cleveland.

*emoting at exhibits intensifies*

*SCREAMING INTENSIFIES*

in sum i have been typing for Too Long and I’m going to hit post so i can Go To Bed but there may need to be Corrections in the morning who tf knows

#the mighty pre endgame rewatch #mcu #Captain America: The Winter Soldier

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leggigoesabroad · 5 years

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skipping down sixteenth avenue

We woke up the next morning honestly fuggin AMPED because it was a full day at sea. We had big plans to get some work done, explore the ship, day drink, revel in it all, etc. But immediately we all felt so seasick that mid-meeting in Brooke’s room she just said “this isn’t happening. Let’s all go back to bed.” And we snorted lines of Dramamine and napped (essentially.) We got an invitation that morning for dinner with the captain that night, which just so happened to be the ship’s formal night that we didn’t know existed. Cue PANIC as I accused them all of trying to haze me by not telling me I needed to bring anything other than athleisure. The nicest thing I brought with me was a floral jumpsuit so I tried my best to blend in but goddamn it these women were wearing like, sparkly evening gowns, strapless bodycon dresses, etc. Couldn’t even go shopping anywhere since we were at sea all day. Brooke says it was Nick’s fault, Nick and I secretly remember it was Brooke’s fault as she was the one who told us that Alaskan cruises don’t have formal nights…. Sigh. I’ve only just now started to get over it. Combined with feeling like death all day and then having to be on good behavior for the very peculiar captain, things were dire. The lack of formalwear also of course meant that I felt the need to get ahead of it to everyone I encountered the entire night. “Just so you know I was told there wasn’t a formal night!!” **manic laughter drawing attention to myself** “I would never think this was appropriate for a formal night or dinner with the captain, we didn’t know! We’re here for work! It was a miscommunication!” **more manic laughter and essentially forcing people to say I look nice** “I dress way better at home, had I known I would have fit right in!! You can imagine. I compensated by getting rip-roaring drunk and OD’ing on Dramamine which led me to a coma-like state I tried to Adderall-away the rest of the cruise. Hate me cuz u ain’t me.

The captain was ssssssooo strange – pleasant, but just on a different level of awareness than most normal people. Lived in his own little captain world. Old and British and told stories that made no sense and weren’t really relevant. Overly polite but also we felt like he didn’t want to be there. By the way, I saw captain multiple times a day and at EVERY meal. I swear he’s just a figurehead who never drives the boat himself. We did a bridge tour later in the week and he made a point to roll on through and look like he was “captain-ing” at one point when we all know he just chills and makes his officers do it. Towards the end of the trip we were talking to him one day and asked how his day was, and he said he had to get up at 4 am to dock and was exhausted and slept all day afterwards. First of all, 4 am isn’t that much earlier than a normal early wake-up time. Second of all, docking start to finish only takes like 45 minutes MAX. Third of all, it’s your job!!!!!!!

We finally pulled into our first port in Ketchikan on Thursday morning. The boys each had a fun shore excursion to do (bear sanctuary, ziplining) but Brooke, Yolanda and I had a day of running from vendor to vendor to spend about 15 minutes each just learning what they offered and asking questions. Yolanda used to travel in Alaska with Seabourn back in 2013, so she greeted every tour operator in every town as if they were her long-lost brother or sister and reunited after being away at war for six years. You’ll hear more about it as these blogs go on but lord she is the most dramatic person I have ever met and also not self-aware whatsoever but it’s fucking hysterical. Today when we said goodbye I said, “honestly, Yolanda, I can’t remember a time before I knew you.” And that’s about how I can sum up our relationship.

The bopping around was not as fun because we didn’t actually participate in any of the activities, and it was pouring rain. But all things considered, not as bad as I expected it would be. We met two super-hot fishermen (each of whom had a baby with their wives in the last week smh where do I get one) and heard all about their different excursions. They sounded dope but there was freshly caught fish all around us on the docks and their eyes stared at me during the whole spiel and I couldn’t focus. Why are fish eyes SO CREEPY? After a few more stops around town, our local tour operator Kari drove us to the end of the island to George Inlet Lodge and met one of the owner/operators, CANDI, who gave me a real “mom in Justified /Aunt Lydia in Handmaid’s Tale / whatever her real name is who just won an Emmy” vibe, except less cold blooded murder-y. They showed us their boats and excursions and then fed us an authentic meal just like the members would get, which included Dungeness crab legs. I told myself before the trip started that I’d HAVE to try and eat more seafood because a) it’s fresh AF in Alaska so this is the place b) my excuse of “but it’s too expensive at restaurants” can’t apply here #freeunlimitedfood and c) I should try to immerse myself in the culture. If Kitty ever reads this she’ll die, also Kitty you should never go to Alaska. We’re going to keep a running tab on all the seafood, I tried, okay?! First: the “dungie” crabs. Learned how to crack them open and everything. They were relatively tasty, but I still don’t get why people lose their shit over crab legs, especially because it’s soooooo much work for so little payout. I’m more of a low investment, high reward type.

After the lodge we drove to the opposite end of the island and got on a boat to drive out to Hump Island (lol) Oyster Farm, where a 20-year-old kid named Sean showed us around his dad’s operation. He was the epitome of what I imagine an Alaskan braaaaaaaah to be and he was cracking me up. All self-deprecating humor about how no 20-year-old should know as much about oysters as him and all he wants to do is chill with his friends in the summer, not tumble oysters 12 hours a day. There were tons of pots all around the little floating island and he explained it takes an oyster about 3 years to grow to maturity and be ready to be eaten/sold, so I asked him if the pots were organized by relative age so you know which ones are new and which need more time, etc. He said, “honestly we’re just oyster farmers we’re not the brightest most organized guys in the world but that would make sense, wouldn’t it” but all with a sweet douchey little smile only a college kid could get away with. The thing that struck me most was just how different “summer jobs” in Alaska are for kids than in say, DC. They don’t work at fast food restaurants or for their dad’s law firm or at daycare blah blah blah, they work on boats or on oyster farms or fishing or logging or giving tours to cruise passengers. Builds character! And calluses! They fed us fresh oysters after that which I really didn’t want because I had an oyster one time and I thought it was gross, but again, had to. And it tasted better than I remember probably because I was literally on the farm where it was grown, kinda like how beer tastes better at a brewery because it never has to travel.

Back on the ship that night, we ate at what is literally called The Restaurant. The ship only has a few dining options – The Restaurant, which is pretty shmancy and requires a reservation (but not for us VIPs of course who had the same table reserved for us every night), the Colonnade (buffet-style, ate all of our breakfasts and lunches there) and the Grill, which is a VERY SHMANCY Thomas Keller restaurant that has cut-throat competition for reservations and apparently our members lose their minds over. We ate there a few nights later and I accidentally got hammered on my new favorite drink, Old Cubans, and had to be essentially rolled out of there in front of the Super Hot Waiter I’m in Love With, Thomas from Belgium. Literally just conjured his face in my mind when typing this and felt an internal swoon. I miss him so much. ANYWAY we ate at the Restaurant each night, which had fixed menu options on the right hand side and a rotating left menu. I tried to be ~adventurous but mostly ate a lot of steak. Had a black truffle risotto one night and literally loved it so much asked for a second portion. Going to the lake this weekend and stuffing myself in a bikini is going to be like, a three-person job. We had the same two servers each night – Anastasiia, a 25-year-old Russian girl who love/hated us and today tried to do a bike excursion after never having ridden a bike before and eventually gave up because she crashed too much (I said, “Anastasiia! You can’t just try and ride a bike and hope it goes well, you need someone to guide/teach you until you’re comfortable!” Smh) and Simba, a South African angel who had a crush on me and calmly put up with all of my Lion King jokes. Listen, other than Super Hot Waiter Thomas, they all had a crush on me. Maybe they found my complete lack of adherence to their dress code sexy in a “fuck the rules” kind of way?? (How is one supposed to dress for “elegant casual” nightly anyway…) Maybe it was how I insisted night over night that I was “one of them” and not a client because I was here for a site visit and begged them to let me hang out with them? (The assistant Maitre’D Marius tried to pull so many strings to allow us to be invited to crew Bingo night but alas, we were rejected.) Or maybe it was because I was one of the only people on the ship under the age of 60 and I shamelessly chatted and flirted with everyone I saw, at every meal… It’s hard to say. Simba even publicly sang me a love song at the last night at dinner.

Slept that night and woke up to the most magical, mystical, ethereal scenery of the Misty Fjords surrounding us. I’ll post a picture so you can truly understand how magical these were. Pouring rain but gorgeous and foggy and tranquil. TO BE CONTINUED!

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princebete · 5 years

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So Wednesday morning I got a call from the same person who hired me at my current job, who was supposed to train since joining as an Esthetician.

She said that “ I am not spunky enough” and not “ what they are looking for” as far as the position and basically discontinued my candidacy in the training program...

thing is...

i never even got to train.

When I was hired in October, my license was still in limbo and I was put on the front desk to learn that basic position, until my license would be posted. Not to mention, when I was hired, their main desk person was there for two days before dropping to one shift a week. So I filled a hole, but I did not get trained appropraitely. Queue the fucking holiday rush. All November and mid-December I worked on front desk... awaiting my license to be approved so I could end the nightmare. I wanted to be a service provider so bad, and then I went to California for christmas, and came back to the desk again... and my family was asking me when I’d start training, and I asked myself this question. And I noticed I had a personal development meeting scheduled... so I though perhaps that I’d learn more front desk until they could train me. And my license had finally been posted...

I feel so mislead and lied to. Like ... I told an esthetician that I consider an acquaintance and SHE IS MORE QUIET THAN ME ... what the fuck

i feel like there is another “non legal” reason... and honestly ... no matter what anyone says. Estheticians and Cosmos are opposite. Esthes are not meant to be with a personality of a cosmo, and when I WAS IN SCHOOL HALF OF THE COSMOS WERE LIKE “ why are you not a stylist?? you have the personality for one!” what the fuck. Esthes are the “spa” relaxing, mellow lighting, soothing music--- massage type of environment. Not the loud obnoxious pop rock music blaring in the background while people scream out their life story over hair dryers and alumnimum foil. No---

no i think it’s bcause of the fact that I am a fuller figure

that because I am larger, the illusion is that-that i move slower and do less.. that because i am big i seem “ Less” and because of this it takes away opportunities. it’s terrible.

it’s a world of outliers. there is no more middle ground it’s either :

body positivity!! and accepting unhealthy behavior

or it’s

“appear” healthy because of ur size ( which is total bull shit) and ur not a health insurance risk, and u fit the social standard that’s been around in post modern era.

.... like i HATE THIS ... i am trying hard right now.

I am HUNGRY, guys. I’m STARVING right now.

I HAVE eaten, I am on a special diet plan to lose up to 5 a week ( yes dropping 5 a week is not as healthy as 2-3... i already know)

I am following a diet plan that was written in 1984!! and for what? so i dont have to worry about being a fat bride!! so I can make more money!! SO I DONT HAVE TO WORK IN A POSITION WHERE I HAVE TO BEND TO THE WILL OF SOME PRIVLEGED SNOB.

this society sucks. it takes away job opportunities, it takes my happiness( well for 6 months...) and i know this isn’t forever, and this is a special metabolism diet plan, so it’s not crash dieting. i mean it is a LOT less food, but it’s healthy... I mean

i get a limit on calorie intake, and i walk after eating consistent meals. they aren’t filling, but i mean-- my stomach is shrinking and that diet world is all backwards all the time anyway. but it SUCKS. i can’t just march up to the fridge and grab a cheese stick right now ( unless weight watchers which if u do, u just track it) -- anyways I digress... but there is just so much pressure and stress, which to me is a lot of suffering just to “ get it right” in the world.

It’s just very sad to go through this, and make an effort ... yet still get rejected... I mean I was kinda disliking the place anyway?? but i was hoping that my training would turn around my feelings and help me reconcile my view. but it was all a lie.

and they paid me less than a desk person... yep. they paid me what an esthetician would make when not taking commission. I feel like i got sucked into this, so they could put me on desk, pay me less, then tell me i wont be working as an esthetician to keep me on desk

... and ever since I’ve been in a state of shock. “ Well” I thought “ at least I have my other $14.50/hr job that makes me a $100 per 8 hour shift. That’s good!” .... but oh no

an email came from my supervisor last night .

Mandatory company wide call at 9 am in the morning. On a Friday... our pay day... in JANUARY.

----o fuck this can’t be good.

and my suspicions were correct....

they disbanded the beauty concierge program. I got my sister a job with this company and she lives on her own with her bf so i mean... she dependso n this too... so it sucks... i am kinda... wow

After 6 years they decide to disband THIS year. The year I join.

So I am now working very part time as a front desk person earning 10.50 and hour with the looming storm of student loans in student view....

anyways i dont know why i spew all this yhere. im looking for an outlet so perhaps some people, you, my friends-- can see what is up.

Honestly.. as far as career goes...

I don’t really know what I want anymore. I know that I dont wanna waste my life on something meaningless, and I feel like I am endlessly searching for something-- learning about the bad parts, and discarding it... but Iwould like to find something where if I find those bad parts, I’d be okay with embracing it and just rolling with the punches.

So far I have not found it yet.

in all honestly, if i could just be a home maker and not work at all, do art and cosplay and sing in the evenings-- that’d be ideal.

Right now I am learning more about UX/UI to see if I could use my art degree and make more money. But... for the most part I am looking up wax specialists, and office administration type jobs... where the front desk person does all the party planning and grocery shopping for the office. lol .. I know sounds lazy, but whatever Ican admit that--- my laziness can be translated to depression.

I just really wanna lose weight... this strict plan isn’t forever. The book I am using the method from strictly outlines that it is a temporary thing just to get metabolism on track using a series of net carbs, good fats and calorie reduction-- so it’s not like it is unhealthy. It’s not like if I went and got some cheetohs or ate a cookie I’d be fucked like if I was on keto ....

tbh I should be a weightloss plan expert I’ve done it all...

but yeah.

anyways-- thanks for listening to my rant

all in all my life isn’t that bad

i have a home

a car

a wonderful cat

a loving fiance

education

and some money to my name. i’m not totally broke.

I am very grateful and i am not to sore about all of this, it’s just crazy that it’s happening within days of eachother. and it kind sucks cuz this means i may not have a paycheck next couple weeks... or atleast a good one. 10.50 an hour my ASS. but oh well it’s SOMETHING.

ALSO .... I might make a blog for tracking my wedding plans-- if anyone likes that suff and wants to follow... I may post reference to that. otherwise <3 love you all

#rant #ooc #the shit went down #fuck 2019 already

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untilrecently · 5 years

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I should really be in bed right about now.

Unfortunately, I know myself. It takes me a really long time to wind down after a bartending shift. I’m so used to being in constant motion and having to multi-task all night that to actually sit down and relax doesn’t feel right for awhile.

Not to mention when I get really tired or haven’t had enough sleep, I get a little overemotional. And when I get overemotional, I get impulsive. And when I get impulsive, there’s no reasoning with me from a logical standpoint. And that said, I’m now a “Humane Hero” donator for the Humane Society of the United States...as of like 30 seconds ago...

In my defense, I feel like there should be a few more barriers before they get to the money information screen. Like at least a short survey along the lines of:

“Have you had less than 5 hours of sleep? Have you worked a 14 hour day? Is there wine in your hand? Did you watch a sad video we posted? Are you sure you want to be a donor even though you’re a broke-ass bitch? Mmk, if you’re sure, money please!”

Whelp. I spend money on dumber shit every month. Go save those animals, Humane Society. I’ll keep slinging drinks and crying at videos you post when I’m done.

Aaaaanyway. I got a couple extra shifts at the hotel bar this week which will greatly help when I have my mouth rearranged next week. It always seems to happen this way that my schedule really ramps up before a surgery. Almost as if subconsciously I want to be as tired and worn out as possible before I get knocked out...huh. (#bestsleepever)

That said, I appreciate the money...but not the idiocy that comes with serving people food and alcohol. Tonight was semi steady and mostly tolerable (thanks to a visit from a friend to make me feel sane!) This was until about the last hour we were open. Then all of a sudden everyone came out of the woodwork and decided they wanted to “turn up” on a fucking Wednesday. Like, I get it. It’s the night before Valentine’s Day. Whether you’re in a relationship or not, this day is fucking obnoxious. I only enjoy the discounts on champagne and the day after sales of chocolate. Otherwise, pretty sure this commercial holiday can suck my nuts.

At one point I had a lonely looking woman drinking red wine at the bar and asking my least favorite question while my coworker was making a fucking long island iced tea. “Ooh, what is THAT?!”

Mmm, get the fuck out of here with that. Unless you’re at a bar where they’re literally making flaming drinks or advertising the fact they make craft cocktails, shut the fuck up about what’s being made. Do you go to McDonald’s and ask the people on the assembly line, “Oooh, what’s THAT?!” Do you watch a janitor mopping the floors with soapy water and go, “OOH, WHAT’S THAT?!”

No! You let them do their fucking job and assume not every fucking part of it is something special that you need to fucking know about. Jesus. I get that in food service it’s slightly different because people always want to see a physical representation of an order. I get that. But fucking what does it matter if you’re not going to order it? Or if it’s just a fucking drink that you somehow don’t know because you’re an idiot? Then you’re basically just asking the monkey “what kind of dance it’s going to do next?”

Like, I DON’T KNOW. WHATEVER THE NICE PEOPLE FLIPPING THE COINS AT ME ASK ME TO DO.

Okay, that rant went a little off the rails. But I meant it! (Dancing monkey tired).

So yeah. People at the bar tonight were a little on the obnoxious side. At one point a very extra white woman waved her arms to get my attention and started ordering drinks. I let her know her server would take care of her order and she started to get abrasive as I tried to walk away. “Oh, NO! WAIT! NO! I mean, YOU can get this stuff for us!”

I wanted to say, “Why yes, yes I could. But I instantly hate you because I’ve been listening to your obnoxious fucking voice over all the other voices in the bar for the last hour. So eat my ass.”

I got bullied into serving a lawyer and his buddies three beers after I’d said the bar was closed. I was immediately chewed out by a guy at the beginning of the night, too because “Do we HAVE to watch the NEWS?! SO DEPRESSING! We don’t need those politics!”

He then proceeded to start a political conversation with the other two men at the bar the second after I changed the channel for him. Adorbs.

Now, I get this complaint all the time. “Ugh, I can’t STAND watching the news.”

Every time I have to bite my tongue. “Ugh, I KNOW. Wanting to know what’s going on in the world around you, UGH. GROSS.”

Or the people that immediately plop down and request a channel change. I’ve said it in the past and I know my smart ass is going to say it again in the future. “You’re welcome to change the channel as much as you want in your room.”

Motherfuckerrrrrrs.

Some guy pulled that the other night and I snapped back, “Well, ALL the other people at the bar are watching the Grammy’s so if you’d like to explain it to them that YOU want to watch hockey…”

That shut him up right quick.

Anyway. I’m going to have to put my nice face on for just a few more nights to get through the rest of this week. The Valentine’s prix fixe dinner is tomorrow night and I’m hopefully not going to have to witness any of it. Our hotel is weird in the way it gets a lot of business but it seems some of the promotional events go south. Last I heard, there were only 15 reservations for the entire night...not great. Not great.

As far as the office job, I had a crazy vivid dream last weekend that I up and quit in a dramatic fashion. While still in the dream, I realized with crushing intensity that I don’t want to be without a job again. Being unemployed sucks and it’s terrifying. I actually woke up scared and have been a much more agreeable employee this week….cuz I like money

Not to mention I went through all this work (and forgery) to apply for this job today and even went in early to use the office amenities to be able to submit it.

I got a rejection within a couple hours. Apparently I didn’t have the right kind of experience and didn’t read the fine print under “office bitch” duties.

Whelp.

Time to keep smiling, be nice, work hard, and bring in baked goods so no one realizes you’re dead inside.

I’m sure I’ll have more glorious stories about a-holes at the bar next week while my mouth is recuperating and I am on a steady diet of soft foods and ice cream. (Read: booze and cold stuff).

Talk next week!

#serverlife #shitshow #clusterfuck #office life #bartender

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violetbeachpod · 6 years

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transcript: 9 - communication issues

Okay, so, we’re doing this again. Cool. Sup. It’s your girl.

No. No. That’s bad.

Charlotte, here. Cranor-Liu. From here. You know me. I know you. We’re friends. That’s--a thing that’s happening.

I have a better opening line. But first, a foreword. A preface? Not sure, not really giving two shits, but.

Cool.

So. Each of you individually texted me a potential opener for this. To be fair, and because they were all equally dumb and bad, I will read all of them individually.

Benji Ahuja, local small business owner and general huge nerd and also my worst enemy, but, like, in a friendly rivalry way, we are both so committed to this bit where we pretend to hate each other, okay, says: We got a real life possession on our hands, folks!

Corny. Bad. Sounds like a line from an 80s disaster movie, which, actually, is probably what you were going for.

I have never seen an 80s disaster movie. Was that 80s or 70s? Again, don’t really care. That’s rhetorical.

AJ Diggs, very good barista and very bad lab partner, yeah, dude, I am still bitter about that physics project from eighth grade where I had to write the whole paper at 3 AM, says: Did I miss anything?

He also used emojis in that, but I’ll spare him the embarrassment of reading out what they were. Actually--they were interrobangs, and then the 100 one a few times, as a joke, maybe? I don’t know if he knows what that one means. He’s not hip. He’s like a grandpa in a teen body. Wears the sweaters and everything. Not in the Macklemore way, which wouldn’t help him either, but in the actual grandpa way. He’s not even trying to be cool. He just dresses like a grandpa.

I love him very much. He is my dearest friend in the world. Thank you. Now, AJ, please never remind me that I said that.Because I can and will curse you and make you into a werewolf man or something. Cuz I’m evil and magical and can destroy you.

Robin Harper, writer and general icon: Can you maybe mention that my wedding was nice? I feel like Teresa didn’t acknowledge that enough. I’m kidding. LOL. Open it with, like. A message of concern. Say something nice, Charlotte. I love you. Hope you’re having a nice day. But. Please. Heart emoji. Heart emoji. Heart emoji.

Teresa literally told us not to be nice, so, uh, no. Love you too though.

Elaine Harper, crazy cat lady and also an icon: Dealing With Your Girlfriend From An Alternate Universe For Dummies is an easy book to write.

That’s--no one read those books. Did you read those books? Elaine, you’re legally obligated to tell me. Boom, roasted, whatever. I--that’s not even funny, Elaine, and you seemed to be, like, slightly cool, so, uh, thanks for ruining that illusion. I should have known, from the fact that you were getting married to Robin, but, alas, your cool vibes distracted me from that.

Teresa Marin, who sometimes gets possessed and who is also a student: Teresa Marin, more like Teresa Scarin’ me!

I absolutely refuse. No further comment. And, then, and here’s the interesting part:

Angie Thompson, student who wants, desperately, to be a singer-songwriter, but, like, who knows, maybe her music’s just not for me?: Teresa Marin, more like Teresa Scarin’ me!

Thinking about it, Angie probably sent that from both of their phones. Teresa’s not funny, but, uh, her jokes are better than that. I hope. Oh my God, I hope. Because Teresa is, like. Not a rhyming humor type of person. I know her well enough to know that, okay?

Anyway, so, uh, here’s my opener:

Can we learn how to, like, communicate like normal human goddamned beings about, like, the alternative universe that has entered into our lives? Like, I get not sharing out publicly, but we all know about it. We can, like, maybe tell each other about being possessed as soon as it happens the first time.

Look, my girlfriend, Mae Babson who, yes, is from an alternate universe, and who is also super cool and great and is my girlfriend and who is not a nerdlord, unlike you weirdasses and also me, was raised in a place where she cannot lie.

Which is sort of a cool thing, from, like, a moral standpoint, even though it was used to hurt her and those around her. Y’know what I mean?

Listen, look, listen, maybe we as a group of friends can take a page out of the book of the evil villain or whatever we’re calling him and, like, tell each other the truth.

But that’s—whatever. Whatever. We can make a Google Doc or something? Maybe. As a solution to this whole info-sharing crisis we’re having with each other.

Okay. So.

How’s me? How’s Charlotte? How is she doing? How on top is she? Is she still killing it?

Of course she is. But let’s elaborate. We need elaboration, here.

Well. I’m directing a one act that I wrote. That’s cool. My first few pitches got rejected, but, uh, the current one’s pretty good, so. I’m cool with that. And this one hopefully won’t get ruined by paranormal happenings. So. That’s cool. It’s a subversion of vampire romance tropes and a subtle commentary on heteropatriarchy in YA fiction. Because I’m that good.

Uh. I got a job? That’s something. Just heard back yesterday, I’ve actually only told AJ so far, so. Cool? It’s at the Bean Zone, so. AJ’s training me. So that’ll be a fun experience for all of us, which is to say, AJ, I’m going to make your life hell and there is nothing you can do to stop me. Absolutely nothing. Because Amanda loves me.

Mae is finally coming out of her shell, a little bit. You guys are—thanks for being good to her. I’m being genuine here. It’s very difficult to, uh. Cope? I guess, for her, and you guys are being genuinely cool.

Once you got over the whole alternate universe, thing, I mean, like. Thanks for not grilling her ever, but. You need to—

Whatever. Whatever. I’m not about to get sappy. I don’t do sappy. I’m a huge badass, and, as such, I don’t get sappy. We can all accept this about me.

I’m about to update you on Weird Shit. Because that, assholes, is the point of these. I mean, you could maybe argue that this is, as a group of people who are generally terrible at being alive and interacting at other people, a way for us to interact with other people, but.

Nah.

This is for weird shit updates. Those and only those

So. Teresa has been getting possessed on and off for months. If you’ve somehow managed to forget, which I haven’t. And my memory’s not great, so, I’m assuming that you’ve all remembered that. That’s cool. Kinda scary, but cool. Good to have that particular knowledge secured in terms of Weird Shit That’s Going Down Annual, a magazine edited by me.

But.

Uh. Mae seems to be the only fully successful—y’know. transport of a person to this world. She’s not sure why. I think it’s because she’s just very good at everything, but. She broke into a museum and everything, like, pulled a heist and all. Which is very cute. Very cool.

She doesn’t have a double. Most other people who’ve tried—do. There’s not another Mae Babson. There is another me, another Teresa, you get it. I don’t know—and really, I don’t care about why there aren’t doubles of certain people. That’s not—that’s a stupid thing to spend time caring about. For me. You guys can go wild on it, but, honestly? I’m cool with there being a second me. Mae says she’s chill.

Presumably, she’s—she’s extremely chill. And Mae—Mae didn’t know her super well, I guess? Because I’m—I’m sure that she’d like her. Probably better.

Because, uh. She’d understand and everything. And she’s probably a little. Y’know. More—determined. Sharper. Y’know? Because she’s—

I should not get jealous of myself in an alternate universe. She probably has self-esteem issues too.

Doc David Diggs says I need to work on projection. I’ve been talking to him. Do we all talk to him? I know that Angie does. And AJ doesn’t. But. Yeah.

Uh. Other Weird Shit. Hm. Let’s get into that. That’s—going on. Certainly, certainly, def, def, obvi, obvi, y’know how it is. More blank-faced people—failed travelers, I guess. The board is still a thing. I’ve snuck into a few meetings, and, uh. They’re pulling, uh, some shit. I took notes and everything. I’m not even taking APUSH notes anymore, so we can see that this actually matters to me.

Also, I still have a 93 in that class, so, uh, guess who’s on top? Yeah. I am a genius, thank you, thank you, thank you.

So. Notes. Notes on notes. Hell yeah.

So, I kept a chart of this, so.

Names of people on the board that I can make out are:

Hamish South

Katherine (not sure if it’s with a c or a k or a y or whatever? that’s a bad name to have. don’t name your child catherine. please) Brooks

Frederick Lewis

Daniel Wexton

Lisa Barnes

And there are a few others, but I can’t get their names. Mae doesn’t know any of the names, says that they’re way too secretive over there, so. Cool. You know how it is.

I have a few sketches of their faces, but they’re not great and I kind of have an issue with noses, so Mae can’t recognize them. None of them have doubles.

Daniel Wexton is the one who grabbed me, I think. Same voice and everything. Can’t quite make out his features, but.

These are the bad guys. That should be, uh, pretty obvious. But they’re the bad guys! That’s cool to know! Cue graphic, cheesy music, the more you know, and all the rest. Eugh. That’s—

So. Cool. We know who we’re going after.

Okay, more notes. Evil plans:

-Necromancy. The rest turned to sirens and other really painful noises, but I got necromancy? so? That’s important. I think it’s to get our boy Andy back, because this is very much a cult, which, cool, we’re infiltrating a cult, and by we’re, I mean me, and by infiltrating, I mean spying on, because I’m not technically getting into the cult itself. I’m just listening. You get me.

-Cut back on drama spending. That’s an evil plan. It’s the evil plan in every Muppet movie, and the board is doing it, so it counts. And yes, I do love the Muppets. I have emotions. I’m only human. I have a heart. None of you are allowed to repeat this to anyone ever. But, anyways, how fucked up is that? Not only are they trying to kill people, they’re also trying to take away my whole Thing, so. Yeah! Love this!

-Eliminate travelers from their place to ours, which makes sense, but which is, uh terrifying. Not much else to say, but it’s. Y’know. A thing that’s happening.

-Benji’s name came up one time but I got bored, so I stopped writing. Also the janitor walked in so I had to run before I got caught by anyone?

And that’s all that’s really relevant.

Um. I don’t really know how to end this? I guess--I just have to reaffirm that we know who the hell we’re investigating, and maybe fighting? Is this a showdown thing? Will there be a climactic battle sequence? Cuz I’m good at those. I can punch. Ask AJ.

So. Yeah. Update complete. This is Charlotte, signing off for now, cuz, uh. I--are we still doing sign-offs? Should I get a, uh. Like a normal one? Or one that we all use? Because I don’t trust you to come up with those things, because you’re clearly all less charming than me.

So. Yeah. We’re not doing that.

I do love you guys. Stay safe. Tell me if something happens.

Bye.

#transcripts #charlotte #season 2

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