Tumgik
#i actually dont know if thats accurate though my only knowledge of will comes from like his description on the last olympian and the first
ladynicte · 1 year
Text
Wait if Will is the only medic at Camp does that mean that there was a time where Will was like 11 running behind a 19 year old Luke Castellan because one of the new campers just accidentally stabbed him while sword training for the third time this week
100 notes · View notes
imab00kwh0r3 · 1 year
Text
babel, and why i love it (SPOILERS!!!!)
ok im terribly late to reading it, for its not sold in many places where i live, so i found the pdf luckily.
babel is a book about colonialism and racism and oppression, it is about revolution and battling your inner conscience (in my opinion at least, i'll elaborate later). it tells the story of robin swift coming to the prestigious royal institute of translation or better known as babel, where during his yrs there he discovers that the glamourous oxford university isnt such a righteous place. his loyalty is tested, blood is shed and tears fall which leads up to a revolution to stop an incoming war.
there are many reviews regarding how its racist to white ppl (which is astounding to even think about) and that its not accurate as women werent allowed to go to university in the 1830s but im not going to talk about that, that much. i wanted to speak on the actual translation/language aspect of it.
throughout the book, translation and language r some of the main themes (obviously) but the impact it has on the people, both in the book and irl is smth i havent seen anyone mention. language isnt just a form of communication but it is part of our culture, it is part of our identity, and during colonial times many languages suffered, they were being erased as they were "barbaric" or "strange" they were banned and anyone who spoke them was punished like in victoires chapter. robin, ramy and victoire all can barely speak their native languages, robin has almost fogotten cantonese, ramy has very basic knowledge of bengali and victoire is never given a chance or is permitted to speak in haitian creole. they lost one of the main things that connects them to their motherland, they only have their appearance left. they will never be able to talk to their ppl properly.
victoire was frustrated that haitian creole isnt recognised as a proper language like how in their exams, her match-pair wouldnt be counted properly as haitian creole wouldnt be used much hence its "useless" in the eyes of prof. leblanc. she was beaten when she would speak haitian croele in her house in france. when she first came to babel she was correcting herself from "kreyol" to "haitian creole" and was unsure if she could even study it.
robin realised that prof.lovell actually knew more than him about his own language, his mother tongue. he could barely stand being back in canton and he felt isolated in a way as everything changed and was new and so was the language even though he was born hearing and speaking it.
not much is talked about this with ramy except that he barely knows bengali, even though hes fluent in english, latin, greek, arabic, persian and urdu. he knows 6 languages and in his chapter he is sed to "absorb languages like a sponge" and that he recited poems or writing in other languages he didnt know perfectly, even down to tone, only after having it read to him once but he barely knows his mother tongue.
this relates to modern times as many languages of previously colonised countries rely on english words like in india u will barely hear the word pathshala, instead u will hear school. in mauritian creole when people speak they will slip in english words, like "netwai whiteboard la" which means clean the whiteboard.
we dont know our language fully because of the erasure of them.
theres also 1st gen immigrant children where their mother tongue is smth they barely hear or they forgot after a while, they feel so incredibly disconnected once they realise. this is how robin is and this is how i am too, i was born in europe, then at 7 i moved to england and now im somewhere entirely different, i dont remember my mother tongue, i dont dream in it. which ultimately makes u lose ur voice in a metaphorical way.
u cant speak because u dont know how.
another important thing is the purposeful mistranslations and burning of books, thats not fully discussed in the book although it would have been a nice touch. colonisers purposefully mistranslated things to control the masses because when they burnt our books, they burnt our language, knowledge and people. and the exploitation of our languages like the statue at univ of william jones sitting at desk and 3 hindu sages on the floor infront of him exists, and how missionaries were taught our languages to help in conversion.
now onto the 1830s inaccuracies and racism:
its the fucking 1830s do u think white ppl were nice to poc at this time, like slavery just ended in the eyes of the law for britain but still continued in other places like america. reverse racism doesnt exist, white ppl can be prejudiced against but u lot r not oppressed and never will be, u lot wont be killed for being white, so stop crying. and about the women wouldnt be at university in the 1830s thing its fiction, r.f. kuang took some liberties.
and that is all i have to say, dont start an argument, anyways babel is great, go read it!!
162 notes · View notes
sarcasticorgasms · 10 months
Text
call me crazy but i REALLY enjoyed the ending of good omens s2! (spoilers below the cut)
OKAY crowley points this out when he tells gabriel to jump out the window, but aziraphale didnt actually witness heaven's direct cruelty to him, didnt experience first hand how willing they were to throw him away and kill him the second he disagreed with them. crowley, however, did. we dont know if they ever told each other exactly what happened, or if crowley ever told zira that gabriel had said "just shut your stupid mouth and die already." it clearly lasted with crowley, he remembers the exact words.
the choice neil made for aziraphale to not yet fully understand that "good guys" and "bad guys" arent accurate depictions of heaven and hell makes sense when you realize that he's never received the reality of being punished by them. crowley isn't naive though, he's been through this more than once, has witnessed the cult like mentality of heaven and hell and tried to help aziraphale escape. he's always tried to help zira come to his own conclusions, and usually, he at least comes to an understanding (poor people DO have less opportunities, and you're helping science!). you can feel his desperation when hes asking his angel to leave with him, both in season 1 and season 2. but that resignation in his eyes when he realizes that zira is still stuck in the cult of heaven, still cant really see in shades of grey- he knows that nothing he says or does will change zira's mind; the only thing that will change his mind is seeing first hand the cruelty and lack of compassion from heaven towards aziraphale himself.
there were so many amazing moments where they showed the lack of knowledge from heaven. the rule that they're not to visit earth, not to know too much (or anything, it seems) about humans. because someone in heaven knows that access to knowledge makes you smarter, makes you curious, makes you ask questions. whether or not thats the decision of god, or of metatron remains to be seen. but one person being in charge, who's clearly clueless but pretends to know what god wants, is classic cult leader shit. people who follow along without question, who assume that their will is good- that's what the angels are. its hard to truly hate them when you realize that they're all under the same thumb. that scene when uriel asks the metatron if they've done something wrong was kind of heart breaking, they're just children playing a game they were never told all the rules to.
what makes crowley so fascinating as a character is that he's curious, he asks questions. he's not good, he's not bad, he's just... himself. honestly, he's more human than demon in his choices. what he said about following hell as far as he can, so he can stay on his own side is just perfect- and yeah, lonely. and i cant even imagine how lonely he feels now. im obsessed with how we're shown his attempts at changing aziraphale's mind - something about him being the one to encourage aziraphale to try human food, something about him inviting aziraphale to Edinburgh to show him how poverty forces you to make morally questionable choices, that not everything is black and white - idk. it's subtle, it's allowing him to come to the same conclusion on his own, it makes me want to shovel aquarium gravel into my mouth
aziraphale, when he's away from heaven's influence, is much more morally grey, he's more himself, he's happier. but as soon as his superiors are around, he loses all sense of self. he automatically assumed he was going to fall for lying to the other angels and not killing innocent children. he knows better than to ask questions, he KNOWS that what he's asked to do is sometimes wrong, but he has this cognitive dissonance he cant get past- heaven asks him to do things that are bad, but heaven isnt bad. heaven is always good, so what theyre asking must not be bad. but, killing children is pretty objectively bad. he cant kill children. but its god's will, so he has to, it must be good. but its not. and round and round it goes. he's never actually been punished by heaven firsthand, and i think once he sees close up that heaven's will isn't necessarily god's will, and that god's will is not always benevolent, he'll realize. he'll realize that you cant always change things from the inside, that there's a systematic issue that can only be solved by dismantling the institution. god i hope season 3 is dismantling heaven.
all in all i love this ending i am SUCH a sucker for escaping cult stories (nimona and she-ra, nd stevenson i love u). like your whole life you are so sure that you're doing the right thing, and then someone comes along and turns everything upside down and asks you questions, forces you to ask questions, and you can't help but defend where you came from, surely there has to be some mistake, if you could just talk to someone higher up you're sure you could clear this whole misunderstanding up, and then that higher up tell you point blank that they know what theyre doing, they know that innocent people are getting hurt. you witness their violence firsthand, and its intentional, its directed towards YOU. because you dared to ask if what we're doing is really the right thing. and that's when you finally understand.
18 notes · View notes
angiethewitch · 2 years
Note
Hey :) I know you said not to get you started on the order of druids and neo celtic druid revivals but... could you start on them? I'm new to paganism and had been tempted by the likes of OBOD and BDO and would appreciate knowing if there's stuff I should be aware of lol
Feel free to ignore this if you genuinely don't want to talk about it all though :)
hey okay so I actually mixed it up, it's not the order of bards ovates and druids I was referring to, I was actually referring to the ancient order of druids. I have a problem with modern druidry in general, and ill explain my reasoning.
the AOD was made up by a bunch of bored Englishmen who, after the english completely slaughtered the druids, decided they quite fancied becoming the new druids - despite the fact we barely know anything about them. they completely wrecked the modern understanding of druids, and that still carries today.
druids these days are portrayed as tree hugging hippies when they were so much more important than that. they did practice magic, yes, but more importantly they were community leaders, judges, and historical keepers. they held the knowledge of our countries histories. they settled disputes in our kingdoms. like say there was a battle, a king could simply call on a druid to stand judgement. whatever a druid said was law. if a druid judged that one kingdom was in the wrong and had to lay down arms and stop attacking and give land back, that would be respected. they were incredibly important figures in our communities. you can see why the english colonisers had a problem with this, because they wanted to be the figurehead. they killed the druids, wiping out our cultural way of life and histories as they did so. it was a cultural genocide.
and then the colonisers decided they wanted to be the druids and cherry picked their favourite parts and completely warped the modern understanding of druidry. most druid orders these days teach a bunch of magic and spirituality, which was only a small part of our culture, and therefore completely diminish the whole point of the druids.
and when the druids did practice magic, it wasn't meditation under trees. they would cut open their enemies stomachs, drag their intestines out, and read the future in their guts. they would slice a man's throat and try to divine a meaning from the blood spatter on the rocks. they would fling people off cliffs to appease the gods. that is a far cry from the uwu peaceful robed men we see depicted today. and modern "druids" today pick a few flowers and decide theyre druids while having absolutely no understanding of the importance of these people in our country. before anything else, they were political figures.
so I have a problem with the AOD because of that, because they slaughtered my people and committed a cultural genocide and then rewrote that very culture. the OBOD took inspiration from the AOD so while I dont know much about the OBOD, I assume they still carry those practices. I know people in the order tend to be told to study alone, which is very very different to how actual druids practiced and studied in groups, as scholars. I know someone who is in the OBOD and they say they were taught the rule of three and to not curse people - do you think the druids back then were actually bothered about the rule of 3 while they were chopping up their sacrifices and cursing people to come down with sickness?
these orders, as far as I am concerned, are a way to carry on that cultural genocide. because I have had arguments with that person I know who is in the OBOD and I keep telling them that thats not what the druids were but they insist that the teachings over in Michigan are more accurate than the actual real historical sources we have, all because someone has a qualification from the Order in front of their name.
some bored middle class aristocratic men decided one day to bring back druidry but completely missed out the gritty shit and kept in the cutesy magical stuff. in our modern eyes, human sacrifice is gross, but that doesn't mean we can rewrite history. every culture everywhere has practiced human sacrifices and every culture has political leaders who did gross things. we can't mess up history just because we don't like it.
these orders are, in my opinion, a symbol of everything wrong with our cultural understanding of my people. they've woo-ified the druids and insist on warping the depiction of them with no regard for the culture theyre actively taking part in destroying.
please bear in mind this is only my opinion, one that has been formed during my own personal studies and reconnection with my culture, and if I got anything wrong with the OBOD I'm open to respectful conversations about it. I just very much struggle to see both sides of the argument when it is my culture that is still being erased by these organisations.
125 notes · View notes
probably-haven · 3 years
Text
after binge reading i have come to a new revelation: I’m not a fan of most Xiaoven fanfics
Don’t get me wrong, I love the ship and its one of my favorite to think about.... but most of the fanfiction for the ship just- doesn’t sit right with me for a number of reasons. 
Disclaimer: these are personal opinions from my own taste and are in no way an attack against any authors out there, because frankly fanfic authors are great and not like i could do better lol. As these are personal opinions, I acknowledge here and now that a number of people disagree and that they are under no obligation to change their opinions in any way as it is not and never will be my intention to tell others what they should be thinking That said- read at your own risk if you want- meh, anyway-
time to share some opinions that have been on my mind lately
The biggest reason.... is how they handle Xiao. And I don’t even mean mischaracterization because Xiao is such a complex and yet simultaneously simple character that as long as you’re somewhere in the range of “Xiao vibes” it’s really hard to write him out of character because of his complexities. What I mean is something that i actually completely agree with as being accurate to his character. In nearly every single fanfic I’ve seen, there is some element of idolization that Xiao has for Venti, or for the sake of reference, Barbatos. He tends to think himself beneath Barbatos and/or indebted to him, whether that be because he’s an archon, because he saved him, or simply because of Xiao’s tendency to dehumanize(yes i see the irony in that word usage) himself.  This by itself isn’t an issue but its often how this trait of his is treated.
Imma just list a few ways I’ve seen this be handled within Xiaoven fics. - It isn’t handled, it’s just there and accepted as a part of who he is in the story - It isn’t handled but his trait is treated as source of humor within the story - Venti(and others) roll with it (finding humor in it, just cant change it, encouraging it, making jokes about it, etc.) - Venti takes advantage of it(whether accidentally or purposely) - it’s actually addressed(by Venti or someone else or the narration- can go a number of ways, but just- even a brief reference to the fact that its not a good mindset fits in here) - savior!Venti(Where venti disagrees with it but the way it’s written gives off “god among mortals” vibes- like he’s just being humble and truly is above him in reality) - its the focus of the story  - not directly addressed but shown to be destructive.  - they chose not to not include this in the story’s characterization of Xiao(just saying that this is valid ahead of time) Theres others but i have a lot already.  Note that I tend to read more ‘serious-toned’(idk if that makes sense) fics so that may skew my perception
Now there’s a few that i have issues with on their own- both instances of it not being handled, Venti(and others) rolling with it, Venti takes advantage of it(purposely(and without good intent)), and savior!Venti. Xiao not only has this trait, but he is unfamiliar with what is normal in relationships or emotions as a result of isolation and inexperience. He is also either not aware of or not concerned with what is considered strictly “healthy.” Combining these makes for a rather dangerous combination and just accepting it as “oh he’s just like that, it’s who he is” or making it out to be something funny- It’s not wrong or bad by any means necessarily, and I could still possibly enjoy it to an extent depending on a series of different factors, but its- not as often.  Even in the case where I do enjoy reading it however, I would still feel uncomfortable sharing it with or recommending it to others because in the first instance it feels like normalizing a destructive and dangerous mindset, and in the second case it does the same while simultaneously making a joke of it. It’s the same deal with Venti or other characters rolling with it, but that’s probably gonna be mentioned later too. Not to say that this is a “wrong” way to handle it, that it makes the fic bad, or that authors even are normalizing anything by doing so, just that in my specific instance- not a fan. 
I’ll get to the others when i talk more about Venti, but for now: It’s the focus of the story. I think I saw like... 2? where the story was like- focused on this and why its a problem which- power to them, address those real world problems like a boss- but also i wouldn’t actively seek it out or anything- like, good job, but doing so just leaves it open neutrally for other factors to decide how good a story i think it is. 
not directly addressed but shown to be destructive. You’d think i wouldn’t like this- but frankly in fanfiction not everyone wants to address every character flaw verbally because it can through off story, narration, dialogue, and general flow to do so. This can be with an event, an action, a dialogue, a mere comment, making it actually fit into the it’s actually addressed category except that its- subtle enough to make its own category. plus i live for show not tell- in everything- its a thing. im- very much a fan of when the fics do this but the subtlety is easy to miss and its not common so- 
It’s actually adressed- doesnt have to be a lot- just mention anywhere or imply anywhere that maybe idolizing someone as a god and savior and being in a relationship with them while having little knowledge of standards, emotions, relationships, or healthy behaviors in general- maybe isnt the smartest idea in the word. (”Call me Venti, not Barbatos” by itself is not enough to fit in this category tho as a note)
-
Now lets talk about Venti...
uh.... those who have followed me for awhile will probably already know this but... I have a lot of opinions on Venti and a pretty- “niche(?)” perception of his characterization that isn’t shared by a lot of others- so I don’t actually read as much Venti fanfic in general as you might expect because I often end up disagreeing with how writers portray him, which again, in no way is their characterization wrong, but- “their perceived truth” conflicts with “my perceived truth” and by extent so does the characterization, though neither is any more correct than the other from an objective point of view, if that makes sense... but anyways now that that’s said, moving on before this becomes a philosophy lecture, as fun as that would be for me.  I’ll try to keep my “perceived truth” out of this for the first bit. 
Venti’s response to this: 
He rolls with it: this depends on the mood of the fanfiction. If they dont put a lot of stress on that trait of Xiao’s it totally fine but if the trait seems to be a major part of Xiao’s character, it seems like normalization once more. (more on this later)
he takes advantage of it purposely: if its an AU or something and Venti’s like a villain(i saw a few) then- villain venti isnt my cup of tea but i have no qualms. If they don’t portray Venti in a negative light while having him take advantage however that’s a bit uncomfortable to read for me because it feels like normalizing taking advantage of that mindset as well as the mindset itself. However, i did see a number of instances of Venti using it as leverage for like- self care- which i definitely have no qualms. Xiao: [insert probably destructive idolizing statement about being indebt] Venti: How bout you pay me back by actually sleeping for once smh or other variations are okay and depending on the vibe are actually a really fun dynamic as long as it doesnt turn into romanticizing or normalizing it, y’know?
Venti accidentally taking advantage of it.... I love angst- and in most of these theres a sense of guilt when he realizes- and i just think thats a lovely way of addressing the dangers of such a mindset for both sides. As long as it doesn’t keep repeating to the point of romanticization its totally cool to read in my eyes(not irl ofc). If Venti never realizes he accidentally took or is taking advantage it feels a bit like normalization, and if he does but just- doesn’t care thats- a rip.
savior!Venti...... i- i hate. the story giving off vibes that Xiao’s mindset is technically correct while Venti oh so humbly tells him to treat him as an equal like the wonderful and charitable person he is.... i just- no. of course thats over dramatizing it- I think the main thing that gives it this vibe is when Venti doesn’t seem either concerned, surprised, uncomfortable, or otherwise have a negative feeling towards Xiao’s mindset. Just- it makes the whole thing weird in my eyes when Venti doesnt really seem to have his own reason to oppose the mindset idk- 
-
fact time!
Venti is the god of freedom. His backstory is freeing Mondstadt from a god’s tyrannical reign. His origin is a windsprite, just another breeze bringing changes for the better. His form is a nameless boy who played an instrument and then died, thus failing at his only dream and only ever accomplishing anything because of the help of others. He slept for a thousand years after the archon war to avoid putting Mond under the rule of yet another tyrannical god. He only even became a god because Andrius chose to let him. He wouldn’t have even had that chance if the nameless bard had survived, he’d remain just another wind while his friend ascended to godhood. Venti sacrifices his own power for his people’s freedom. 
now that I’ve laid out a number of canon facts, time for opinions:
Venti has little to no desire to be seen as a god. He thrives in, comes from, and emphasizes a lack of superiority in quite nearly everything. The first Ragnvindir, who canonically turned his back on Venti after Decarabian’s fall, likely did so because one- he anticipated power would corrupt and Venti would soon become just another tyrannical god, two- he suspected Venti used the nameless bard in an attempt to rise to godhood, or three- idk insert other possibilities to acknowledge again that i could totally be wrong.
Look me in the eyes and tell me Venti wouldnt trade godhood for his friend in an instant. His godhood was only granted to him because his friend died and could easily serve to constantly remind him of what could have been and what he lost. Venti takes no enjoyment from being seen as superior and in my opinion, I feel that it could actually make him largely uncomfortable when his divinity and abilities as an archon get involved-
also self promotion for my favorite posts- check out #archon war era venti if thats interesting to you
so anyway Venti rolling with it or making jokes about it just doesn’t sit right with me.- 
-
Okay! enough talking about that mindset!
idk- i have... a few/lot of other gripes and stuff or just things that kinda throw off the vibe for me but that’s the main one plus my general personal pickiness when it come to Venti fanfics- but this has gotten long enough already- 
idk i just felt like rambling about it and i haven’t done a long post in a while so-
again, I love the ship and its actually one of my favorites- just the fanfic isnt my thing..... that doesn’t mean i don’t still love it and come up with a whole ton of brainrot and ideas on it tho lmao
52 notes · View notes
lord-king-saint · 4 years
Text
✨7TH HOUSE SHADOW WORK (PART ONE)✨
-----------------------------------------------------
DISCLAIMER: Depending on your level of integration, you may not relate to these descriptions of the signs. Without integrating the sister sign, there are deficits in the personality. As we integrate our sister signs' qualities, we tend to relate better to the world.
------------------------------------------------------
✨aries: energetic and forceful mars rarely allows others to influence you or "impress" upon you. it guards you with its fiery armor against absorbing too many perspectives-- and rightly so! people who juggle too many perspectives always vaccilate and diffuse their energies! it can feel like a betrayal to you when someone is always taking the middle-ground. a warrior has to attach to its goal, or they die! so why are so many fools getting the jump on you? whats up with those "certain people" who get under your skin and drive you mad? how do they charm you and expose you so easily? its their ability to "drink in" your perspective. they allow themselves to be impressed upon by you, but they use that data like an artist. yeah, their energy is diffuse, and thats why you are so easily drawn into them, like everyone else. you may be jealous of people who are charismatic and very liked. aries can be popular and well-liked too, but its usually because your audience is compatible with your forceful energy-- or they like you despite it! but venusians win hearts, and relationships, because they make room for others in their psyche. can you make room? or does it feel like obliteration?
✨taurus: you see no need to rennovate your entire personality. youve carefully crafted yourself and your surroundings, based on what you think is beautiful, and valuable, and conserves the most energy. you dont have time to constantly deconstruct and rebuild yourself. even though you want to improve in some areas, you won't throw the baby out with the bath water. after all, you have earthy goals to achieve. youre comfortable in your skin and your rituals work for you, because theyre tailored to your delicate sensual nature. you dont want to be ruffled, or hurried, or over-stimulated. thats why those "certain people" irk you so much. theyre always trying to penetrate your exterior and reveal these deep truths about you. whats their angle? why do they want to unravel you? it feels like they just want to tear you apart, and then be the ones to put you together again. it feels like a power play-- and furthermore, it sounds exhausting. you dont need to expose the deep dark motivations inside you. youre doing just fine because you march steady and refined toward your goal. thats why youre confused when people say youre oblivious. when people confide in you, and you dont investigate the secret longings of their hearts, and the bitter past that forged them, they say they feel unseen. you want someone around because theyre "valuable", but when you dont merge with their inner world, youre treating them like an object. you prefer to build trust slowly. you notice that a person repeatedly respects your boundaries, so you let them in. but intimacy demands something deeper. they want to know that the deepest and most vulnerable parts of themselves are safe with you. are they? are their deep and messy hearts safe with you? or they just your "objects"?
✨gemini: youre like a surfer, arent you? it doesnt matter what the current is doing, as long as it gives you that wave! that moment of excitement and freedom! i mean, obviously you study the water, and know which waves will give you the most thrill, and you can probably anticipate when a good wave is coming-- or maybe you dont surf, but, you treat information this way. you know the people who have the best stories. you can sniff them out, you're drawn to them, and you know how to stay engaged with them-- until you don't want that anymore! until then, you download everything you can learn, to redistribute to others later. youre a fabulous messenger. collecting fascinating knowledge, person by person, media by media, and re-telling them in glib and colorful ways, is what maintains your excitement and thrill. your heart adores networking, and you love being at the center of the web you weave-- but then you meet those self-righteous types. those "certain people" who have actually been on journeys. they don't swim in the same surf, waiting for waves. they dont collect stories and glimpses of experiences. they arent messengers. they venture into the unknown themselves, for their own experience or vocation or belief system. these people know themselves. theyre the blunt types who scare people away sometimes. "but those people might've had good stories!" you cry. you hate their candor and their self-righteousness, but you cant help that you love their stories the most. theyre so knowledgable, like a teacher or guru. they may even make you jealous, because they arent just telling stories-- theyre telling experiences. they make you want to go on a journey and have an experience too! you want their self-knowledge and expanded worldview-- but, that would require that you choose a direction. it would mean starting your own story, and commiting to it step by step, rather than waiting in the surf for a thrill. which direction lies your story? can you devote yourself to it?
✨cancer: youve seen the world outside and its scary. everyone is so changeable, and they all want something from you. they all have angles-- but you know who didnt have an angle? mother. she didnt need anything from you, she just adored you and held you and fed you yummy meals and listened to you sympathetically. she would never exploit you. she only wanted the best for you. or, maybe your family wasnt like that, so you built your private world around that loss. you save the photographs of being unloved, and insulate your heart with familiar, emotional security. your pets and plants love you unconditionally, and so do your friends. actually, you make sure that every person in your life is "safe", which is why you tested them and only slowly let them in. you approached sideways, indirectly, but eventually the faithful made it into your den, where you adore each other and feed each other and protect each other's secrets. you take their photographs and hang them in your private world, and you pray to the moon that you dont hurt you or leave you one day, like the others. when the others left, it was too painful to put into words (even though you tried) and you continue to build your private world around that loss. so the scariest people are the insensitive people. those "certain people" who arent ruled by their feelings and they operate exclusively in the public world. whats so good about the public world? sure, you play in the system to give yourself security, but why bother being ambitious when the private world is so much safer? these people are disciplined and want to master the outside world, and even though you feel unnerved by them, theyre sensible providers of security, and security has always appealed to you. theyre brave and stoic on the outside, because they wear the mask of courage to provide for their families-- like an archetypal father. sure, theyve suffered, but their suffering and failures are what galvanizes their self-respect, and motivates them to try again. their resilience appeals to you, draws you like a magnet, but you resent their emotional strength because it makes them seem insensitive. but in order to accomplish our goals in the world, we have to be disciplined, put our feelings to the side, and be willing to fail. are you brave enough to climb the mountain? can you approach the world directly? the public world can be a scary place, but when you have courage and a wish in your heart, it makes for better photographs.
✨leo: your heart is a stage, and your beloved audience loves your warmth and glamor. youre so talented, so dignified, and you have that accessible "older sibling" aura that wins people's hearts. basically youre blessed, and your heart soars whenever you receive applause. like a good actor, people dont always know the work youve put into your identity-- unless, of course, its part of the act-- but youre not pretending! its just that applause affirms your existence, so naturally everything revolves around that. you love your audience and you cant imagine life without being seen and praised. humiliation could destroy you, but you will always rise like the graceful pheonix before a new audience, to dazzle and impress and entertain again. you have infinite creative potential inside of you, a kaledioscope of color and expression is at your fingertips. thats why you cannot stand those "certain people" who come around to expose your ego. these people are usually intellectuals who are penetrating and insightful, and they always try to bring you down a peg. when you tell a problematic joke on stage, theyre always advocating for the audience and viewing your act in an idealistic lense. "its just art!" you cry. "and its my art! so if you dont like it, you can leave!" but when the audience leaves, it always unearths your insecurities. how are these people so in-touch with your audience? how do they forecast the audience's needs so accurately with their insights? youre the one on stage, but these intellectuals know the rhythms of the future, and theyre forcing you to step up and change. you recognize their genius and want it for yourself, because your heart is a stage, and theater is about the interplay between the actor and the audience. can you use your heart to feel into the hearts of the collective? can you change with the age? is that something you even want?
✨virgo: your attention to detail is truly a gift, and it enriches everyone around you-- even if they dont notice. you can put your ego to the side and really analyze what truly needs to be done, and then you do it, without fuss. once you find the flaw with your eye for detail, you uproot it. even when its thankless work, you are a major service to those around you because you keep things efficient and organized, just like your own bodies and minds. when things are unclean, you keep them clean, just like your unconscious. in fact, you regularly go into the basement of your mind to take an inventory of your compulsions, obsessions, and needs. you may appear neurotic to others, and you may feel that way too! your eye for detail can sometimes paralyze you with all the ways you need to improve yourself. even when it comes to others, it may be hard not to see flaws and want to perfect them. it may be hard to relate to people outside of this ritual because youre so invested in the routine of that role. when your eye for detail sees all the flaws, how can you not aspire to a future of perfection? its hard work, but everyone should be working to be better, right? thats why "certain people" who are oblivious to their own flaws bother you. everyone has a responsibility to improve, but then you meet those people who laze about and dont improve themselves. and, you notice that they dont try to improve other people either! they accept people as they are, and you resent how others gravitate to them. you assume that theyre coddling them-- but with your eye for detail, you notice something. you notice that people around them slowly heal and improve by their influence, by some strange alchemy! and you cant trace back how it was done! because they accepted them as they were-- they changed, for the better. you also notice that it works personally for those people too. somehow, by not worrying and analyzing, by withdrawing from their obsessions and escaping into art or distraction, occasionally things work out for them! it doesnt happen enough to quantify, but the numerous occasions where inaction breeds positive results astounds you! how do they do that? how do they give their problems over to some higher force by escaping? you can barely escape your own mind without feeling guilty! and you notice that their ability to escape balances their ability to ground in the moment, especially with others. it seems so disorderly and contradictory-- but it works. how can inaction and acceptance change your life too? how would your loved ones improve if you accepted them as they are? can you tolerate uncertainty enough, to reap the rewards of acceptance?
64 notes · View notes
skenpiel · 4 years
Note
Info dump me!!! I wanna hear about the classpect talk
okay so LIKE basically zairku edjera, my trollsona, is a witch of light, thus representing manipulating relevance, and their whole plot point is 1. being used for whatever reason (to be true to the aspect theyd be used for their ability to manage the spotlight but were working to see if theres any other more accurate stuff we can give em) and 2. they have a very strong sense of ‘there is no right and wrong’ so much so that it becomes an issue since they believe that because they believe this, this makes them privy to knowledge no one else has which makes them think theyre the only one who objectively is in the right. this comes up when they get to their land, and get the choice from their denizen; their land (and this is a work in progress weve already scrapped like 3 ideas that involved horrorterrors and derse) is LOHAP, land of hollows and prisms, and their consorts (whatever theyll look like) have been their entire lives trapped under ground, in a long system of constantly switching tunnels and mines and whatnot, meaning theyve been trapped in complete darkess for all their lives (they also know have a legend that theyre gonna be saved one day, but no one believes it because they dont think anythings wrong, and they dont believe there IS anything more to their lives then darkness and caverns). theres a lot of these stretched out over (or under) the land, but zairku can only face one group at first. their quest and also choice from their denizen would involve 1. showing the consorts the way out and showing them light and more than dirt and rocks for the first time, and 2. to get some sort of self discovery-realization about how their purpose isnt solely to show *others* the way. at first, they try to alone free that first tribe of consorts by trying to convince them to come with them and to let them show the way, but when that fails (i think its cause zairku gets lost themselves but im not TOTALLY sure) they realize that theyre never gonna be able to on their own free all the different groups thatre scattered about beneath the surface of lohap. this leads to a more undefined part of the quest where they need to find a specific chamber full of prisms and a harp which, when played, releases bright light and powerful soundwaves (much like roses quest, even though we dont know much about it), which also leads to powering up a path of gems and prisms from each and every group of consorts, illuminating the way out for them. this would lead to them being led out for the first time, being able to see light for the first time, being able to see the TRUTH for the first time, and also leading zairku to see that to do their part they dont need to have all the spotlight, and sometimes not being an immediate part of something is whats needed. now, we havent really decided what the surface of lohap would be, since it needs to represent *zairku* and i havent really written their character properly like, ever, but what we do know it needs to be something serene and beautiful enough to actually make the consorts wanna leave, and the only thing weve implemented would be luminescent, crystal clear water, the rest of the land is undecided. another thing that could intervene with this plotline is somehow, they need to sacrifice themselves to prove theres light to the consorts, and that has to have something to do with their quest bed bur we have no IDEA how thats gonna work so, this could easily be another scrap idea but its a good guidline (this was also semi based on that one greek story uhhh orpheus and eurydice or whatever it was called). so yeah its not completely thought out, theres a lot of holes in there, for this session to work id need more players which means id like, have to make ocs and shit since this is a different session than the one in homestuck, but yeah! thats what weve thought of so far
5 notes · View notes
wintersxsoul · 5 years
Text
The Night We Danced
Summary: Two dorks in love that have to wait to get drunk to confess their feelings.
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader
Word Count: 4k
Warnings: Maybe some language, drunk people and I think mentions of sex?? 
A/N: This is my entry for my dearest @writingsoftheloser 1k historical writing challenge! I got the Victorian Era, so I came up with this longass nonsense. I hope you enjoy and as always, feedback and reblogs are free and make me really happy and motivated <3
Tumblr media
  Bucky Barnes was a dancer.
He sometimes had flashes of his old life in the late 30’s and 40’s, long summer nights dancing with beautiful dames, little Stevie by his side laughing and stepping in the ladies’ shoes. Everything was much more simpler, happier, but war happened and the dances turned into battles, the warm hands that he was used to hold became rifles and glocks. The jazzy tunes turned into gunfire, dates turned into risky missions and the thought of a long happy life turned into dust when he fell off that train.
Bucky Barnes stopped being a dancer to be a soldier, a spy, a deadly assassin.
They had taken all he was away, all his memories, his hopes and dreams. Everything was wiped but not his motor skills or knowledge. They turned him into the most efficient soldier, cold and calculating, his only motive in life was completing his missions. He had killed mercilessly, not questioning even once who was in front of the gun, he just knew he had to pull the trigger.
Everything changed the moment Steve Rogers, his best friend since childhood, found him 70 years after being used and tortured. Steve saved him from the claws of Hydra and gave him the opportunity to gain back his own self, to finally give his life meaning again.
His life changed drastically when he joined the Avengers, he could use his unrequired skills to help people, to save lives. He had his closest friends, Steve of course, Sam, Nat and then he met you. Once he was able to recover almost all his memories, he had a long heartfelt conversation with Natasha since she had suffered in similar ways. The brainwashing, the body killing training, the horrors of the Cold War and the cruelty of the Red Room.
You and Nat were inseparable, both becoming SHIELD agents the same year. You were a freelance hitwoman, both of your missions were to kill the same target. But before you could kill each other, SHIELD stepped in and rescued both of you, seeing your potential and the ability to do the missions other agents weren’t able to. When Bucky first came to the compound, you were away because your last mission went badly and it almost killed you, so Fury and Steve decided it was better for you to lay low for a while. Months went by and Bucky’s curiosity only grew, he really wanted to meet you, since everyone talked about you like you were an angel. When the time came to finally meet you, everything he ever heard about you was not nearly accurate to him. You were as much of a mystery as Nat, but unlike her, you opened up to him fastly, trusting him blindly. You both held each other on your worst nights and were also there for the other when you needed a good laugh.
You could have never imagined that the infamous Winter Soldier could be such an absolute dork with such a pure heart and soul. At first he was a bit sulky and moody, he was like a ghost around the compound, but months of therapy and help from his friends turned him into the man he was today, the man you loved deeply, even though you lied to yourself trying to make it seem like a platonic feeling. For years you remained as best friends, until the masquerade ball Tony organized for Natasha’s birthday.
“So, what are your plans for the party?” You asked Bucky nonchalantly while you looked for costume designers online. He looked up from his book and shrugged, he really didn’t know what you meant but he knew you would elaborate. You closed your laptop and placed it on your nightstand, all your attention on your friend now. You laid across the bed, resting your head on his lap. You were staring at the ceiling so you totally missed Bucky’s adoring gaze.
“Well, apart from getting hammered with Thor’s Asgardian alcohol, I don’t really know.” You rolled your eyes internally at his comment. You laid on your stomach so you could face him, your chin resting on your hands on top of his chest.
“Obviously you are doing that, but it’s not what I meant.” Bucky chuckled and you rolled your eyes. You weren’t sure about asking him to be your partner, maybe he was planning on going with someone else, maybe he wanted to go on his own. You cleared your throat while reaching out to fiddle with the laces of his hoodie nervously.
“Are you going with someone?” He frowned, realizing that you didn’t assume (like he did) that you were going together. Maybe you were planning to go with a date? He knew it had been more than a year since you had dated someone so maybe you wanted to use the party as an excuse to do so?
“What you mean with someone? I d-”
“You should ask Sarah from Forensics, I’ve heard she has a huge crush on you. She’s sooo soft and pretty. I have her number if you wa-”
“Okay, Y/n stop right there. I am not going with Sarah or with anyone else but you.” His eyes widened at his own boldness but he quickly found a logical explanation.
“I mean, we always go together to this kind of shitty parties we both dread. But if you are going with someone else is fine.”
“Yeah, yeah I just thought that maybe you wanted to go with an actual date and not your best friend.” He tousled your hair and you whined jokingly. He mumbled “dork” and you stuck your tongue out.
“My best friend is pretty cool and when she gets drunk the party starts, so I am not missing that for Sarah from Forensics.”
“Oh god James, and I am the dork? You absolute dumbass.” You shook your head in amusement and sat on the bed, putting your disheveled hair in a low ponytail. You slapped him lightly on the right shoulder and got down of the bed, gathering your stuff.
“I can’t stand to see that beautiful stupid face right now, I have to look for a fucking dress. You better wear something in dark red cause, you know it-”
“it’s my color” he mocked you using a high pitched tone of voice and laughed at the face of disgust you jokingly pulled off.
“Fuck you.”
“Why don’t you f-” His sentence was cut off by the bang of his door closing but you already knew what he said. You rolled your eyes and made your way to Nat’s room since you needed to organize shopping days and all that stuff.
-
Bucky Barnes was a dancer and fortunately he still had some moves, but waltzing was out of his league. He knew what a masquerade was of course, so the fact that he had to learn how to dance a completely different style was...frightening to say the least. He talked about it with Steve so they both were headed now to a masterclass while their dates were out shopping. Nat had asked Steve as her date because she wanted to go with his best friend. Their friendship was the most platonic you’ve ever seen and watching them flirt and banter was the highlight of your days. Nat was a fantastic dancer of course, she used to be a fucking ballerina, so she offered to teach you some moves. She was the only one who actually knew your feelings towards Bucky because you had confessed them one night you had drank your weight in vodka and when you saw Bucky’s text asking you to please be careful, you laughed and told her. You didn’t remember that conversation and when Natasha tried to ask you, she realized she shouldn’t bring up the topic until you were ready to believe it yourself.
“Ooof Nat, should I really buy this expensive dress?” You asked her while checking yourself out in the mirror. The dress was absolutely stunning, made of a dark red taffeta or a similar material, short sleeved and a beautiful v-neck, not very revealing but enough to make your babies pop. The bodice hugged your curves and the skirt was puffy.
“Listen, Stark is paying for everything, that includes our dresses. So yes, you are going to buy it.” She stood up and lead you back to the changing room so she could purchase both of your dresses.
Steve sighed heavily at Bucky’s complaints. They’d been dancing for four hours straight and they weren’t getting any better, or at least that’s what they thought. Bucky really couldn’t believe he had been dragged into this mess just because he loved getting drunk with you under any circumstances.
“Come on Buck, don’t worry. You two will probably be too drunk to even stand, why bother so much in learning this shit?” Bucky rolled his eyes and nudged his friend on the shoulder.
“Listen pal, I wanna do this right. You know how much I love dancing so this is just an excuse to learn something new.” He could almost believe his own lie, but Steve knew better. He knew Bucky better than himself, so he obviously knew the unspoken thing that was going on between two of his best friends.
“Okay buddy, whatever you say. I just hope Y/n appreciates all this instead of laughing at you like Sam and Nat are probably going to do.” He muttered something to himself and left the room without saying a word.
“Fucking idiots, I hope they fuck soon.” Steve said to himself before turning around and smiling at the dance teacher.
“Let’s do this Janet, I have a very dangerous woman to impress tonight.”
-
“I really, really, really, really regret the day I gave you access to come into my room whenever you want to.” You told Bucky, who was laying on your bed on his stomach, his face buried in the pillows. You slumped next to him and buried your face in the pillows as well. You really thought you looked like idiots but you couldn’t care less.
“Can we stay here? We can watch one of those victorian romantic movies you love and get wasted on our own.”
“You know I would love to, but Nat would kill us. Besides, you hate those movies.”
“I was just trying to persuade you Barnes, you don’t need to be so rude.” You stood up and opened your first drawer, pulling out the two masks you had bought throwing Bucky’s to his head and he responded with a fake “ouch”. He sat on the bed and looked at you amused, the small mask in his hands.
“And you have the nerve to call me rude. I already have my mask and I won’t show it to you until tonight.”
“Wow, sorry for thinking about you and your shitty memory, old man.”
“You know what Y/n? I’ll see you tonight before I throw myself out of that balcony.” You giggled at his fake tantrum. You really loved your friendship with Bucky, because even though you were always joking around each other, you had your backs. He was always there and so were you.
“You want me to walk you to your room?” He frowned at you but his eyes widened when he realized what you were about to say, but you said it before he could cut you off. “In case you don’t remember where your room is at.”
“That was one time Y/n, please let it go.”
“Never.” And with that said, he left. You giggled remembering the first night you two got drunk together. It was the first time Bucky had tried Thor’s alcohol so he was excited to finally get drunk after all those decades. He drank by himself almost three flasks and encouraged you to drink a bottle of vodka on your own, so at 6 am, you were stumbling through your room floor because Bucky had forgotten where his own room was, so he wanted to sleep at yours.
You took a last look at yourself in your mirror and placed the mask in its place. It was a shame that Bucky had decided not to wear the mask you’d bought for him, but his taste was pretty great so you knew it was going to be amazing.
When you reached the party the place was already full of people. Everyone was dancing to the slow melodies or drinking at the bar. You noticed that Tony had removed all the furniture from the room so it looked like a grand dance hall, the usual modern lamps he owned were replaced by huge golden crystal chandeliers, the windows were covered by thick curtains that looked like the ones European palaces had. The cream and golden tones of all the decoration gave a really regal look to the party, the soft glow of the candles in the bar and the sound of champagne glasses relaxed your senses.
You fixed your long silk gloves and sighed, moving through the crowd towards the bar, where Nat stood chatting with who you assumed it was Steve, Sam was behind the counter pouring alcohol to his half empty glass.
“You mind filling this lady’s glass?” Sam smirked and you winked at him. He raised his eyebrow under his cream and red mask and he took out a tall glass.
“What would the lady like to drink?” He rested both of his palms in the counter, looking at you with an amused look in his eyes.
“Vodka on the rocks, s'il vous plait.” You heard Nat choke on her drink and Steve turned to look at you while Sam just poured your drink, a smile playing on his lips.
“Aren’t we starting a bit early, Y/n? Your date is not even here.” You shrugged at Sam’s comment and took the glass when he handed it.
“Since you all seemed so surprised with my drinking choices, I’m going. I need an unjudging friend right now.” You waved your hand gracefully and moved towards the centre, trying to find Bucky. After five minutes and an empty glass, you saw his bulking figure talking to some woman. You needed a moment to gather your thoughts because he looked absolutely sinful with the outfit he was wearing. The black pants marked all his muscles, specially his thighs, those fucking thighs that drove you insane and his ass...you shook your head trying to stop your mind. You needed another drink.
“Wow look who’s back and empty handed!” Steve said to the small group. You nudged him in the ribs and asked Sam for another glass of alcohol.
“Why are you this flustered Y/n?” Nat asked you when she noticed your flushed cheeks. You fixed your mask trying to hide your nervousness and failing miserably.
“I really don’t know what you’re talking about.” Your three friends shared a knowing look and you rolled your eyes, finishing your drink in two sips and encouraged by the burning liquid, you went to where Bucky was. You could now see his whole outfit perfectly and your heart swelled. He was wearing a black ruffled shirt with a black and dark red embroidered vest and a black tail coat. His face was covered by a simple half Venetian mask, decorated with the same colors as the outfit’s. He was chatting with some agent you couldn’t recognize and you felt a pang of jealousy at how he was looking at her, smiling and touching her. At that moment you realized the alcohol was kicking in and that’s why you were having those stupid thoughts. You approached your friend and placed your gloved hand to his shoulder, indicating him that you were besides him and waiting for him to pay attention to you. You catched a part of the conversation and they were talking about one of the last missions the undercover agents did, so after a court nod from Bucky and a brief goodbye from her, his eyes were on you.
“Well, look at you!” He smiled at you warmly and you felt something flip inside you. “How did you recognize me?”
“Oh boy, you can mask that face all you want but you can’t mask those thighs.” You smirked and he started laughing at your comment, making you feel proud of your wittiness.
“How drunk are you already?” You brought your hand up between your bodies and pressed your thumb and index together whispering “a little” so only he could hear it.
“Lucky for you, I drank almost a flask, so that makes us dangerous already. Wanna dance?” He extended his hand and you took it accepting his invitation. You suddenly felt really nervous since it was the first time you were going to slow dance with him but unbeknown to you, Bucky Barnes felt sick due to his nerves. He wanted this to work, he wanted to show you and the world that he was still capable of being a soft person, not this cold calculative soldier with a dark past.
The feeling of his hand on your waist and your other hands intertwined was intoxicating you, your bodies pressed together, the only thing between you two were your clothes. You spinned around the room for what felt like eternity, time for you had stopped and everyone had disappeared.
You burst the small bubble you were both in saying you needed a drink, Bucky stopped swaying you and with your hands still intertwined, went to the empty bar.
“I’ve always loved the Victorian Era, you know?” He said while giving you a glass full of vodka, and took a sip of his flask. “The clothes, the courting, the chivalry and all that fuss.” He smiled sadly at you thinking that you wouldn’t notice.
“If you could, would you go back in time and stay?”
He took another sip, now longer, and shook his head. “Of course not, you wouldn’t be there.” He blurted out without thinking and you just giggled at the comment.
“Oh Barnes, don’t be so dramatic. I’m sure you would make good friends there as well.” You gave him a sincere smile and he shook his head again, taking another sip of the flask, this time a long one. You looked down at your glass and twirled the straw, looking at how the ice cubes collided with each other.
“I love you.” You jerked your head up and maybe it was the alcohol clouding your mind or the denial of your own feelings, but you didn’t notice his intense gaze, filled with love and adoration.
“And I love you too, you idiot. As my best friend, you should know that already.” You placed your lips around the straw and finished the whole drink, Bucky still looking at you shocked that you rejected his feelings without you noticing.
“No, Y/n, what I mean is that I’m-”
“You are what, Barnes?” Nat cut Bucky off and you threw yourself into her arms, kissing her face and wishing her a happy birthday. “I missed you, Nat. Where were you?” You started talking to her totally ignoring your friend, who got that as his cue to leave the party. He would never blame you for not feeling the same or not even noticing his feelings, that was totally on him, but he didn’t feel well enough to stay in the party. He knew you wanted him there, to get drunk together and then both of you ending up throwing up in the sink and the toilet, but tonight he needed to breathe, he needed to get out of the crowd.
“Hey, where is going Bucky?” Asked Steve while he approached Nat and you. You frowned and looked at the entrance, catching a glimpse of Bucky’s broad shoulders and hair leaving the party. “I’ll be back in a sec.” You said and stumbled down the bar stool, heading towards the entrance half running.
“We both know they are not coming back, right?” Steve said to Nat, a strong nod and a sigh answered his comment.
You ran as fast as your drunken state let you but before you could notice you slipped with the dress and fell.
“FUCK” You screamed to the empty hall and took off your heels and gloves, standing up trying not to fall again on your ass. Bucky was nowhere to be seen so you headed to his room, your head spinning due to the alcohol.
“What are you doing here?” Bucky startled you, making you lose balance but he caught you before you could fall again.
“I was just checking that you got to your room safely, since you know, you get lost and all that.” You laughed at his fake hurt expression and straightened your clothes. You noticed that he had taken off his mask and that you were still wearing yours. “Why did you leave?”
“I’m feeling a bit sick, I think I drank too mu-”
“James, if you don’t tell me what the fuck is wrong I’ll torture you until you do. The drinking excuse is the worst you could’ve used with me.”
Bucky sighed defeated, he knew he had to get it off his chest, after three years carrying this on his own, he needed to let the words out, he needed you to know. He reached for the laces of your mask and took it off, placing a strand of hair behind your ear and cupping your cheek.
“I love you, Y/n.” You rolled your eyes in fake annoyance just to mess up with him.
“Baby, we already established that I lov-”
“Y/n, you are not listening. I am in love with you. I want to be your best friend, your lover, your partner in crime and your drunk buddy.”
You stared at him wide eyed, not knowing what to answer or to do. He caressed your cheek with his thumb and you gasped at the feeling, making Bucky think that you were rejecting the act. You stopped him from moving his hand and he leaned in, his lips brushing yours lightly.
“Either you kiss me or I faint, so make a m-” And just like that, his lips crashed against yours with a passion and hunger you’ve never felt in your entire life. He pressed you against the door, the stupid huge dress stopping you from feeling anything. Your brain finally woke up and you realized what was going on. Bucky Barnes loved you, he was in love with you. And you were in love with him. You pulled away and stopped him, making him step backwards scared that he did something you didn’t want to.
“You love me?” You really asked him, thinking that maybe your brain was betraying you. He nodded and looked away, not wanting to see the rejection in your eyes.
“Hey coward, look at me.” You held his chin and forced him to look at you. “I love you too, always have. I was just too damn scared to admit it to even myself.” He smiled and kissed you again, this time slower, pouring every ounce of love he had for you in the kiss.
“What now?” He asked you once he pulled away to breathe. He had his hand on the back of your neck, caressing your skin with his thumb.
“As much as I’d love you to fuck me against every surface on that room, I am drunk and tired and I need to process everything.” He nodded and waited for you to come up with what you wanted to do next. “So you are going to take this dress off me carefully cause I can’t do it on my own and it’s expensive as fuck, you are going to give me one for your shirts and we are sleeping, together.” He nodded again and smiled, leaning in again to give your lips a small peck.
“Consider it done, asshole.”
560 notes · View notes
edge-lorde · 5 years
Text
Savage Eden
by K. M. Ashman
Once upon a time, in the not so distant past, a looming ice age threatens the existence of all Two-feet in the ice walls path, both neanderthal and modern human alike. their only hope for survival lies in joining forces and learning from each others ways in order to come up with some new form of protection. 
but winter is not here yet, and a third group of Two-feet has been pillaging all local modern human clans, eating those they kill and taking the survivors as slaves. for their first act of cooperation, can the neanderthals and modern humans team up to save one mans 5-year-old son, and end an age-old curse along the way?
lets find out!
believeablity: 6. magic is never implied to exist in this story, but it is fantastical nonetheless. first off, we have the return of PSYCHIC NEANDERTHALS, yes indeed! the neanderthals, or mrllwllch, as they call themselves, both have the ability to remember things about their ancestors histories without being told, and to communicate via telepathy. the latter is experienced by just “knowing” when they are being called by one of their compatriots or by sharing images in each others minds. after a while of being among them, a modern human character begins to experience this as well, but i dont think he could send images. it could be that all humans have latent psychic abilities and neanderthals are the only ones that have evolved to make use of them, but it doesnt really matter because the psychic thing is not a major plot point at all. it comes in handy but is never really addressed.
 it is said to sort of take the place of language in the mrllwllch group, though the do also have a spoken language, but at the beginning of the book they seemed to need to speak it very little. then when they meet up with the modern humans they start learning their language and very rapidly become fluent, and often speak to modern humans and each other in either language. this makes the whole psychic thing just feel like an add-on because it seems that they are not reliant on it at all.
they also may have a better sense of smell, more strength, and possibly an ability to sleep anywhere, but that could be just better clothing technology. they have huge furr capes that they can wrap themselves up in completely. they also can travel much faster than modern humans for reasons that are never explained. 
and as a quick aside, the 3rd human group, called the baal-- their whole cannibalism and cruelty culture is so movie monster-ish i knocked off a few points just for them. 
characterization: 7. the movie monster evil stereotype is saved for the baal, but the modern humans are still the main characters and very few of the mrllwllch characters are differentiated enough from each other to call them real characters. the same can be said for many of the modern human hunter characters however, so it does not seem to be an issue of characterization so much as focus. the focus of the story is on the modern human clan so those characters are naturally more fleshed out. 
still, im a bit disappointed. there are 3 differentiated mrllwllch characters, one is the neanderthal version of the main character, the 2nds big character point is that he falls in love with a human when mrllwllch dont do monogamy, and the 3rd is possibly the most interesting but is a huge huge spoiler and only has 1 scene. 
overall, they are given the same character treatment as the modern human side characters. 
the baal, on the other hand... their entire culture seems to be based around violence and every baal we meet has the same views on the matter. why they are like this is sort of explained but not gone into depth over.
interspecies sex: 2. there are 2 interspecies couples in the book, one of them are between main characters and they have sex in-media-res as they say, though there are no written out sex scenes. 
one of the members of the other couple basically just yells out “yeah, we fucked!!!” after the other one was already dead, so no sex scene there either. 
hybrids: 1. though there are 2 ‘thal/mh couples that could have produced children, if they did/do, it didnt make it into the book. no hybrid characters and no mentions of hybrids, except in the general way in that the mrllwllch and the main modern human clan are said to eventually become one people, but neither of the aforementioned couples stay in that clan, so no hint to that happening anytime soon. 
accuracy: 4. some stuff is based on real science but a lot definitely isnt. like the neanderthals having stronger muscles on one side from doing repetitive movements with their dominant hands/arms is in there, but they also drink milk directly from the cow when they should all be lactose intolerant. they also all have red hair, and while there is some genetic evidence at least some of them could have been redheads, i dont think anyone thinks that that means they all were. they also use bone flutes, and the legitimacy of that is still debated. they were also probably not psychic.
theres also a bit where the mrllwllch have a huge cave where they place all of their deads bones, and if you dont get placed there eventually you cant get into neandertheaven. if paleoarcheologists had found a huge cave where millions of neanderthal bones had been placed lovingly that would be a big fucking deal and i dont think that thats happened. theres also another cave where 13 neanderthal skeletons are arranged in a circle that i dont think is based off real archaeology. they also use blow darts that are lovingly carved with animal designs, which i dont think have ever been attributed to neanderthals, though they were made out of wood and so impossible to prove they didnt make art out of a thing that wouldnt survive to the modern day. 
the venus statue stone carvings also make an appearance but are not attributed to either modern humans or neanderthals, or the baal for that matter. im pretty sure in real life all of the statues are assumed to be made by modern humans.
the baal are another issue all together. i keep bringing them back up because the book mentions several other “Two-feet” groups existing, but the baal are the only other ones that make a living appearance and its never made clear which other hominin they are. there are two main candidates in my mind: denisovans or homo floresiensis (hobbits). i say densiovans because i think there could have a time/place where they, modern humans, and neanderthals could have been near each other at the same time, and i say floresiensis because they are described as child-sized. possibly they could be homo erectus...? my homo knowledge extends to two hominins only, but the inclusion of another human group actually makes this book rather unique among neanderthal books. 
now, how accurate is it that floresiensis, erectus, or denisovans were hunting, enslaving, and butchering modern humans on a massive scale at any point in history? not very.... i also dont think weve ever found evidence of any other hominin ever modifying their teeth into sharp points but the baal do it.... all of the baal existing hurts the accuracy score TT0TT.
honestly though, i dont think its that bad that this book is just a fun bloody romp and not really accurate, it shows how recent scientific discoveries inspire the imagination and change the perspective of our past. maybe once im done with all my book readings i could write a neanderthal throughout history comparison report......
1 note · View note
yoshi-p · 5 years
Text
Tumblr media
everyone and their dog is doing it and everyone is absolutely allowed to share their opinions so i want a turn but first let me clarify:
hello im yase, been around since 1.0. I am of turkish and nogai descent and i can speak fluently in tatar, turkish but my english doesn’t hold 100% so i will be all over the place.
Unfortunately this will all be word of mouth and may be taken as vague posting, but I have experienced issues since the release of 4.0 and would like to give my opinions. I want to let this all off my chest this is just a huge vent basically so i guarantee my english will be terrible.
the most important point: NEVER EVER SPEAK FOR ANOTHER CULTURE. NEVER EVER SPEAK ABOUT A CULTURE YOU DON’T KNOW. YOU HAVE SPREAD FALSE INFORMATION AND I AM SO HURT.
another point is ITS A VIDEO GAME GUYS (does not apply to everything but some people really need to take a step back because people are concerned.)
Here’s the hot topic I’ll talk of first: garleans. I personally do not play one as I prefer to play characters that would never be involved in a sense with the political agenda because in real life im too stupid to comprehend anything like that so i wouldn’t even know how my character would behave with the hot topics. I really do think people need to take a step back and see that everyone who is putting in their input is making solid points but personally I would never compare them to nazi germany though I see why people are generalising. I always saw it as tsardom of russia with the use of roman influence as well, something obvious in naming conventions and the way the ranks/monarchy(?) works but it’s not so clear what the main influences of most places in this game if you have a look at the bigger picture. Without like full on spoiling, its weird to have this view to me with the knowledge that ascians are behind this. Are you implying anyone who plays or was influenced by ascians is also under this umbrella? 
Also why THE HELL WOULD YOU TAG SOMETHING KNOWING IT WOULD GET A LOT OF TRACTION AND RESPONSE THEN BE LIKE “you guys misunderstood, I was expressing my feelings” lol no. “ I don’t understand where this is coming from, and at this point, I don’t really want to.” then why did you even fucking bother do it in private dont tag it.
You are COMPLETELY valid to feeling uncomfortable, it is fine because with how much of this world we have there will be aspects some of us don’t like. You are not inclined to involve yourself with someone if they roleplay as a garlean but you do not need to start publicising it in a way that will paint the community in black and white when its truly a wider spectrum.
YOU CHOOSE WHO YOU INVOLVE YOURSELF WITH AND WHO YOU PLAY WITH, PLEASE GET AWAY FROM PEOPLE WHO GIVE YOU NEGATIVE FEELINGS OR YOU’LL SPREAD IT TO OTHERS.
from that initial and very brief tagged post there popped up many others and new discourse is arising, opening discussions about many things which is better then being blind to it all. but if you have personal grievances with someone and you state its over, let it be over. It’s not healthy behaviour. it’s also troubling to see someone complain a lot about the game and continue to play, no one is forcing you or holding a gun to your head. take breaks if you need to and play less frequently. like, real life is so much more important and there are people in this community that prioritise relationships with players etc.
Also, please stop fucking talking about mongolian/turkic/turkish culture like you know things. 99% of the big mouths in this community are americans. like majority are white americans. 
over the course of this expansion i have had many people of varied backgrounds share with me some terrible experiences and i myself have seen some truly stupid shit. 
WE ARE HERE TO HELP YOU LEARN OF OUR CULTURE AND WHERE TO CONTINUE DOING SO. DO NOT INTERPRET MEDIA AS ACCURATE REPRESENTATION OF CULTURE.
it is absolutely not hard to tag a post and ask around, someone will pop up. I’ve been doing my very best to let everyone i know that i can help with learning about my culture or to find someone who would be more then happy to explain and share with other cultures. But when you go off of a documentary you saw of Genghis khan or only know of the tourist white people scenes of istanbul you as a community say some TRULY dumb shit.
I like to try and be patient because i myself when approaching someone of a culture i admire and am curious about i want that in turn. But if you say to me things like “Ainu aren’t real” or “Tatar people have nothing in common with tribes from the Altai mountains” its hard to do so.
FFXIV regions are not just “Germany” “Turkey” “Mongolia”. If you think this, it’s clear to me you don’t know shit and are too lazy to explore, further just google shit its not that hard. I had someone tell me that my people could never be in this game since its “Straight up mongolia” fucks sake NO ITS NOT. The designs vary and i can see the differences in simple things like words because i actually bother to do research even coming from a turkic culture. There were some beautiful little things dropped that linked to not only my people but others like Uyghur and Altai. The only place in FFXIV i think could only have a singular influence is Kugane, because from a foreigner’s perspective that’s already interesting enough. Many people have grievances and real issues with how SE has handled Doma’s influences and no one ever talks about that. Representation for asia in media has turned into this mess of specific east asian countries, the trio that even then gets categorized into China/Japan with brief mentions of Korean culture. 
Its frustrating. There are people who are happy to teach you. Who are willing to show what is wrong with the picture.
I have read several posts about Turkey/istanbul/Antalya. Yall fuckin weird you guys seem to think its in U.A.E or some shit with how you act. It’s in the Mediterranean/Europe/Asia/Middle East and there is no such thing as a specific looking Turkish person. You claim everyone is specifically white/brown, HELL NO. It’s a mixed nation and that’s the history of the land, if you had ever fucking stepped in turkey and spoke to any person on the street they’ll say their heritage that lead them to there. People claim Ala mhigo’s influences are turkey but i have yet to see that. As someone who has lived there and has heritage there and is strongly connected to that culture, i dont see it. sure the ala mhigan gown had patternings but thats also present in my nogai culture too because parts of turkey’s society descended from the line of the Kayi tribe. Just fucking LEARN TO READ GUYS. None of you guys even know what the altai mountains mean and i could sit and explain over and over again if you let people SPEAK.
Look at Thavnairian items. We have outfits that are completely different, a full length dress and then a bustier. you can’t start generalising things in video games to be one culture you have to realise most places in this game have several influences. We don’t know a lot but everything we have been given has been varied enough to pin point it to ONLY one influence.
I don’t want to just keep going about this simply because im growing frustrated.
The thing with Viera complaints. I think some are valid but some are stupid. For one as I make this post it hasn’t even been confirmed so there is no reason for policing Viera to a severe extent. Considering all the Ivalice content in game has been an alternate universe kind of thing its dumb as shit. But feol viera being made without understanding the knowledge that people who have played rw picked up is quite frustrating. As a community, its important to help people when we have information that others may need that they cant understand the context of.
I know people are worried about them being fetishized, that is my legitimate fear too as a huge ivalice fan. But this is a repeated cycle especially when we consider generalizations like miqo’te especially seekers and belly dancing or when au ra arrived and people thought xaela were genghis khan basically. 
The game is not solid, there are so many holes in the lore and the plots and i know people hate that but we fill the gaps with our own opinions and theories. While I understand some people think we need to move forward in 2019 because “japan is xenophobic”, its a very difficult thing to do. THEY DO HIRE PEOPLE FOR CULTURE ADVISING. THEY TRAVEL OFTEN AND DEVELOP WITH THIS. IT’S NOT LIKE THEY WENT ON GOOGLE AND SAID “yeah a japan land would be fun” they literally have people hired specifically for this stuff. however, at the end of the day its a company that has yet to show it can evolve with the times. Its becoming more and more evident with the recent patterns of main titles in FF and side projects having so many issues in story/lore/management. remember 1.0 basically died being absolute garbage and this is salvaged from that.
its really late and i had a terrible evening so i may not be making the most sense but theres more important things to worry about then to make this game a miserable experience when it could be a huge learning opportunity for everyone. There’s no need to generalise people into categories because of characters they choose to develop but its important to note with majority of people standing up higher on the pedestal are those speaking for the minorities groups that have direct influences in the game.
also lol if you fucking say ainu aren’t real to me one more time i will fucking throttle you
Tumblr media
40 notes · View notes
kbearart · 6 years
Note
I feel torn about drawing creatures and mythical figures from Japanese folklore. I honestly love the designs, and they do inspire me to create. But I know very little about the culture. I have no idea where to find reputable sources online. Im white. I dont want to be one of those people who idealize, fetishize, and adopt a westernized interpretation of Japanese culture. I don't want to portray it incorrectly. I don't want to make others feel uncomfortable. I don't know what to do.
i get ya, and keep in mind this is coming from someone who is only 1/4 japanese, but honestly i feel that as long as youre doing extensive research into the culture surrounding the folklore and being extremely mindful of how you portray said mythical figures, i feel that youll be okay. cultural appropriation is harmful whenever people take the figures out of context and completely ignore said context, but the good thing is you can easily avoid that by making sure that you know the context and present it accurately.
 unfortunately im not quite sure about where to find reliable japanese myth sources online seeing as most of my knowledge comes from the stories that my grandparents told me, and a lot of myths have slight variations depending on the region (my family comes from the rural hiroshima region so depending on the story it might be slightly different in another area of japan). however, ive noticed that these stories all have certain key elements, so cross referencing different internet sources and finding those key elements is also a really good approach to this sort of research!
i do know of a few books that are good for referencing though:
this book is actually the the kids book that i grew up with, and the one that my grandparents read to me when i was little. its actually sitting on my desk, right now. its a little inaccurate in that they replace certain names/words with more english friendly terms (the oni that issun-boshi kills is called an ogre, princess kaguya is just called ‘hime,’ which is the word for princess) but from what i can tell the core stories are still there
this book was also a really cool read for when i wanted to research more about older oni interpretations! it has a lot of really great info, and books along this vein have a lot of accurate stuff (did you know that sometimes oni shapeshifted into fair maidens to trick heroes? i didnt! thats cool!!)
another good thing that is definitely helpful is bringing your ideas up with people that participate in that culture and asking if they see any inaccuracies! getting this kind of feedback is a really good way to avoid appropriation (one of my friends decided to do a japanese retelling of the wizard of oz, and throughout the process they showed their stuff to me and asked if i could find any blaring inaccuracies. and while im also mostly white, i experienced a fair amount of the culture through my dad’s side of the family who are japanese diaspora and are still pretty damn in tune with the traditions. so, i tried my best)
so: fact check, research, being mindful of the context, and double checking with people that participate in that culture is a good way to approach this sort of thing! hopefully this was helpful!
18 notes · View notes
blaperile · 5 years
Text
Homestuck Epilogues - Meat - Page 12 (Epilogue 2 Page 4)
0 notes
sol1loqu1st · 7 years
Text
hi i want to talk abt foi bc its legit among the coolest things ive done; this is long as Fuck but the book is longer i just really wanna talk,, abt this,,
it’s a high fantasy set on the northernmost side of a huge desert (a sea borders its northern side; beyond the sea is a country filled with plains and forests)
there were seven tribes (i still need to look up definitions and see if thats the most accurate term for what im goin for; im thinking abt just using ‘city’ tbh but yknow) in the desert:
-the riches tribe, whose people could shape gemstones and metals (think metalbending but add precious stones in the mix; each person can only control one thing and ur power is usually decided by the stars or some shit)
-the elements tribe, who could control the forces of wind, fire, water, or stone (now LITERALLY think atla; powers are passed down genetically and a few people can control two elements if their parents controlled different ones)
-the land, sky, and sea tribes, who could control animals related to their tribe (land tribe ppl can also learn to turn into their favored animal, sky tribe ppl grow wings as toddlers, sea tribe ppl can breathe underwater & usually live in the sea on the northern border of the desert bc they dont do well on land; powers are decided based on the animals’ preferences – e.g. if ravens had a specific affinity for a kid in the sky tribe the kid would grow raven wings and be able to communicate with and eventually control ravens)
-the time and space tribes, who destroyed each other 60 years ago, and have the power to speed, slow, or even stop time during the hour of their birth, or manifest physical objects from glowing blue energy that makes up everything in the world (also can see in the dark, i guess?)
60 years ago, a huge war happened between the seven tribes, wiping out the space tribe completely (except for one person; more on that later) and destroying all but 200 of the time tribe, who repopulated to about 1,000, and ruining a Lot of stuff in the other five tribes. for the most part the remaining 5 tribes (minus the time tribe for Reasons) have rebuilt themselves but hints of the past war linger. no one is aware that the time tribe survived (they rebuilt their city FAR from the original location). the time and space tribes faded from public consciousness pretty quickly since all their historical records were destroyed; most of the knowledge about them now is legends and myths
in the present day, 5 children (one from each of the remaining tribes) who lost various loved ones to the same glowing blue knives (created, ofc, by the surviving member of the space tribe, ebon (…courtesy of 2012 me’s genius naming skills, they’re all gonna be like this it’s part of the aesthetic), though the kids dont know that or even recognize it as a space tribe power) are approached by an old man (guess who! its ebon) who claims to be the last surviving member of the space tribe and apparently has evidence that the time tribe is plotting revenge and theyre the ones that killed the kids’ families and he speaks of a supposed prophecy that 5 kids who the time tribe had stolen from are gonna defeat the time tribe once and for all
the kids (and at this point, hopefully the reader too) are the wrong kind of genre savvy, and believe they’ve been approached by gandalf or some shit, and each end up Accepting The Call
(meanwhile back at the time tribe, the king and his rebellious teenage son talk about the future of the time tribe. teenage son, midnight (heyy GUESS what hour hes able to use his powers) learns to use Time Powers that are suspiciously dissimilar to the ones ebon was talking abt the ppl from the time tribe being able to use. midnight uses his powers to get more sleep bc his dad kinda overworks the shit out of him bc like the future of this horrifically unstable and tiny city is in midnight’s hands, basically, and we learn that Its Dangerous bc if u get stuck slowing down/speeding up time after ur 1 hour is up u basically become Time Tobias and ur trapped like that Until You Die)
if uve made it this far i think its time for a proper introduction to the 6 protags of part 1 (another is added in part 2 but we’re not there yet)
-eagle, from the sky tribe, a Massive Fuckin Jock Who Loves To Sport. shes 14 and pretty athletic but tends to chicken out when shit gets tough and so never makes it to the Fly Sport Playoffs. shes a Massive Optimist at first but then she finds her parents dead (hint: it was ebon). she deals with this throughout the novel i hope im writing her well lmao because i wanted it to have a Legit Impact on her character and not just be angst. A N Y W A Y she instantly pegs ash and emerald as The Rich Kids (ash is legit a rich kid, emerald is just from the riches tribe where they traditionally sew gems and shit into their clothes) and judges em for it
-snake, from the land tribe, a 13yo, Lonely Autistic who loves reptiles. (ok i mean. this is high fantasy and im really not sure if autism is a diagnosis in high fantasy. ive done my absolute best to code her as autistic and she is in fact autistic i just dont say it in canon bc idk how to bring it up) ppl dont like her at first because she comes across as cold but actually shes like the most adorable fuckin dork youve ever seen shes great. she doesnt talk hardly at all unless shes Super Comfortable around the people shes with, which is a challenge for me to write but tbqh shes my absolute favorite of the bunch,, also her only friend ever was a thief named lore who was (supposedly) killed by GUESS FUCKEN WHO
-ash, the 14yo daughter of one of the 4 ruling families of the elements tribe. her family’s genetic power is fire but she could never figure it out (later she discovers her power is actually water; im…..still figuring out how that works genetically she might just be adopted lmao) ebon brought her the news of her parents’ deaths and managed to kill her little sister while her back was turned; somehow she does not suspect him. shes kind of a snob and doesnt really /get/ the rest of the group and comes across pretty rude at first. (also, she and eagle deal w their very recent grief very differently but idk her exact Grief Arc yet)
-emerald, who i think is? 12? 13? i cant remember but somewhere around there; shes from the riches tribe, was orphaned as a toddler and raised by supposedly extinct desert dragons (which are basically 12-20ft desert iguanas), which were all wiped out horribly by more of ebon’s shit space weapons. she lived with ash’s family for a while when they were years younger but eventually emerald got blamed for ash’s lack of control over fire and was forced to leave, she found the riches tribe and discovered that she could metalbend emeralds lmao. shes a storyteller and raises money for orphans now i guess
-shark, a scrappy homeless 10yo from the sea tribe who will steal anything shiny enough. he has pointy teeth and an eyepatch (which covers a golden sphere in place of his eye) and hes reckless as fuKC. he was too young to remember his parents but when questioned about it he remembers blue knives (GUESS WHO). hes pretty unaware that sharks are infact chaotic neutral sea predators who do not give a shit about him even if he can communicate with them and he starts the novel with a Pretty Serious Bite Injury™. he takes a lot of shit apart and puts it back together in horrifying ways. yknow sid from toy story? basically thats shark if sid lived underwater and was portrayed as a fundamentally good person
-midnight, the 16yo prince of the time tribe, a Rebellious Teen™ who doesnt want responsibility and has Horrible Insomnia. he thinks his dad is Evil And Controlling and probably listens to heavy metal behind his back (meanwhile his dad is actually pretty decent just busy as Fuck trying to keep the time tribe from accidentally inbreeding collapsing and trying to show midnight how to lead; hes overprotective but not evil). he broke a pattern of various people born at midnight/noon alternating every century and people think hes Destined For Greatness™ or some shit; he is having absolutely none of that will someone let this child sleep instead of waking him up in the middle of the night to practice magic
anyway yea thats p much all ive edited so far and tbqh i dont remember a whole lot of details but That Is My Book!
4 notes · View notes
mirkstrolls · 7 years
Text
[LOG] dumpster days pt 1/3
[Chatlogs from over on #BWIC: the conversations that occur as Widsth Orpheo (inspiredTalesmith) pisses off a history gang and spends an afternoon trying to avoid their very physical ire.  Takes place over a good seven hours -- I’ve trimmed out most of the irrelevant dialogue, so if you want to read Hadean and Emerel threatening each other, this is not the place for that.
Also starring Pheres Dysseu (refiningSpacetime), Emerel Victis (meganeNarcissus), Hadean Dauths (invertedDissident), Ullane Wistim (journeyingMedic), and Sielan Reisov (pivotalPersuasion).  
In this issue: shaming Pheres for his interest in troll Twilight, a bad limerick, Emerel offers to help, Ullane realizes that Widsth does this too often.]
RS: | I will Give Sixty Beetles to Whoever Presents Me with Something Entertaining | RS: | Because I am Afraid I am About to Expire from Boredom |
IT: I am about to lose ConneCtion to the internet IT: But it may interest thee to know, Sir Dysseu,  that I didst just aCCidentally inCur the wrath of most of the West Alpine SeCtor HistoriCal SoCiety IT: 'Tis too long a tale to relate at the moment, but it doth involve a Certain private diary,  the Cerulean Dynasty's fashion for pierCing deliCate plaCes IT: And a great many sCandalized historians who are now defaming my honest reputation!!! IT: ...They wish to defame me, in faCt, with pitChforks IT: Adieu!
RS: | | | RS: | Well | ! | As Always | RS: | Orpheo Wins | =:) |
MN: wEll orphEos fuckEd MN: sucks to bE you pal
ID: hahaha what.
MN: looks likE hE got a hold of somEonEs diary and blastEd that shit MN: hE might not bE aliVE now MN: and by that .I. mEan hEs probably still running knowing pissEd off bluEs MN: oh man this is grEat
ID: ahahah that's pretty wild. run nerd, spread the awful awful truth.
MN: hE fights the good fight haha
ID: the fight that ancient highbloods are huge pervs. who could have seen it coming.
MN: .I. for onE am just shockEd
ID: all those historians so crushed. by the knowledge their idols were packing some extra metal.
MN: .I.m not that crushEd MN: .I. actually am a historian MN: this is prEtty normal by now
ID: you are, huh. do you have a specialty or are you just a well rounded nerd. ID: why are there so many nerds in this chatroom.
MN: .I.m thE most wEll roundEd nErd MN: but nah MN: military history
ID: well at least you chose an interesting part to be a nerd about.
MN: Exactly MN: .I. cant gEt Enough of this shit MN: EVEr bEEn to thE rEEnactmEnt fair MN: wE haVE a big fight ring aftEr the battlE rEplays arE donE MN: somEtimEs pEoplE diE MN: but thE prizEs arE grEat
ID: uh no because i have no idea where the fuck to find one of those. but battle replays sound fun. ID: unless you're on the side that loses i guess.
MN: which to bE fair isnt that diffErEnt from anything ElsE pEoplE haVE bEEn doing forEVEr but you know MN: thE closEst onE is outsidE cascara MN: chEck it out somEtimE .I. say bEcausE thE nExt fairE is nExt wEEk
ID: uh cascara. will make a note of it. and figure out where the fuck that is.
MN: hErE MN:  Sent hErEsamap.png
[MN and ID threaten each other in a vaguely pitch-flirty manner and challenge each other to a duel at the historical fair. JM says she’s seen too many undead for her taste.]
RS: | But | Have You Seem any Sparkling White Ones | like in the Films | JM | ? | Inquiring Minds wish to Know | =:P |
MN: wE dont EVEn takE chancEs and somEonE on staff burns thE dEad
JM: Sound practice JM: Those films are made by idiots who deserve to be drained of blood. JM: No. Thankfully.
ID: what movies.
JM: You'll be sorry you asked. JM: I feel RS is going to answer.
MN: sEE .PHERES.I.m not thE only onE who kEEps tElling you thosE moViEs suck
JM: They are awful JM: and stupid JM: and inaccurate
RS: / someone else do the title / I'm with a customer / =:( /
ID: i no longer care what movie it is. since it apparently sucks.
RS: / and they are perfectly fine / my sympathies for your lack of taste / =:) / both of yours /
JM: No self-respecting drinker would be so soppy
MN: look .I.m going to shortEn thE titlE MN: and call it MN: thE film in which a drinkEr starEs at a girl whilE shE slEEps and shE is okay with it
JM: Especially not over such a pathetic protagonist JM: Exactly JM: It is disgusting JM: all the characterization is bad JM: terrible quadrant dynamics
MN: thE wErEfiEnds wErE hot as hEll and thats thE bEst part of the moViE
RS: / it's meant to emphasize the pitiful nature of their relationship / for heaven's sake /
JM: There's pitiful JM: And there's downright obnoxious
MN: .PHERES. no it wasnt
JM: Also it was disturbing JM: And crossed boundaries
IT: Dysseu, art thou aCtually defending that film
JM: Unfortunately
ID: if any drinker was staring at me while i slept. i'd gut them.
MN: holy shit hEs still aliVE
ID: for now.
IT: I am on the run for my life IT: And I must needs stop
JM: wait
IT: to KINKSHAME thee
JM: Ha
MN: haha is thE cErulEan chaptEr still aftEr you
IT: ...Ye muses, no wonder thou didst think RiCCin attraCtive IT: 'Tis the fangs, is it not????
MN: its thou thought dudE
JM: Some people are into that
RS: / oh / go back to reading your filthy eulogies / orpheo / hahaaaa / RS: | NO |
JM: It's okay RS JM: We accept you
ID: ahahahahah
JM: But not your movie taste JM: ...Orpheo? [edited] JM: Widsth Orpheo?
IT: 'Tis I, Orphep
JM: Shut
MN: .I. loVE you man but your moViE tastEs suck and .I. will not stand by whilE thEy hurt you
IT: )That was a humorous untruth but yes, that is my name)
JM: You may not remember me
MN: orphEo holy shit arE you typing whilE you run
JM: But I treated you
IT: jog wouldst be more aCCurate henCe my deteriorating quirk IT: !!!!!!
ID: how long until pheres asks emerel to dress up like the main character though.
IT: MediC Wistim??
JM: Ah JM: Yes
MN: oh my god MN: hadEan you haVE .NO IDEA.
JM: HaJM: Wait has he done that
ID: ahahahah are you serious.
MN: hE kEEps trying to put .ME. into thE drinkEr aEsthEtic box
JM: That's amazing
IT: hello there dear lady!! IT: also HAS HE DONE THAT
ID: do you have to say lines.
JM: Oh please JM: I hope so
IT: I NEED CONFIRMATION, MN
JM: "I'm not good for you, Bellah"
MN: .NO I REFUSE.
JM: You mean JM: He has tried
MN: .I WILL NOT DRESS UP AS TROLL EDWARD CULLEN.
ID: ahahahahah i'm dying.
IT: :O :O :O
MN: thats classifiEd
JM: This is amazing
IT: >:D
ID: does he want you to bite him and shit.
MN: also classifiEd
ID: so definitely yes.
IT: ye gods
MN: .I. will not confirm or dEny MN: on a public chat
JM: In the absence of proof JM: I will assume yes
MN: hEy orphEo arE you anywhErE nEar cascara
IT: this materisl doth beg a limeriCk
JM: Do it JM: It can only make it better JM: To record it forever JM: To testify Pheres's mistakes
MN: bEcausE if you arE .I. might bE ablE to swing by and hElp you out MN: .I. know a fEw guys from thE cErulEan branch
JM: Please help him I had to put him back together not too long ago JM: Don't let my work go to waste
IT: At the request of the lovely Ullane IT: There onCe was a troll called pher IT: his pref'renCes were quite clear IT: he told his mate "bite me, IT: and perhaps, glow slightly?" IT: on the whole 'twas rather queer IT: afaojf pardon me a momeny
MN: amazing MN: .I. haVE no idEa how you camE up with that on thE run MN: but good job
JM: edhjckkkkkkk I slipped and fell off my seat JM: My horn hit the keyboard JM: Thanks to my laughter
MN: oh .MY. god
ID: hahah lovely. almost brings a tear to my eye, 8/10.
JM: The art of our time
ID: i mean i thought that shit was ancient art. isn't art these days memes.
JM: Think, ID JM: It incorporated modern media JM: Like the dreadful film JM: Ancient form, modern subject
ID: got me there i guess.
JM: Score
4 notes · View notes
progressive liability and renters insurance quote
"progressive liability and renters insurance quote
progressive liability and renters insurance quote
BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://insureinfo.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 
RELATED QUESTIONS: 
How much do you guys pay for your motorcycle insurance(SuperSport) and what insurance company do you have?
Quick rundown of the situation. Moved State to Illinois for work. Insurance rates are a little different for cars but then again my record is clean but I have yet to insure my motorcycle and thinking of buying a second one for my son to ride with but want to get this question answered first. For me I own a 2007 Yamaha YZF-R6 -Super-Sport -600cc -Never damaged,stolen, nor tickets - Was paying around $300 dollars per year State Farm Full coverage For my son we were planning to buy a second generation Honda CBR 600rr 07-09 -600cc -Super sport -Has license -No tickets -BRC completed - 18 Years old -With my family plan for insurance So anyone can give me rates that they pay answering these questions, just to see what company I should look into. - Age -Insurance company - type of motorcycle - Yearly rate - And the type of coverage they have on it.""
Where can an 18 yr old get insurance?
I'm an 18 year old male (19 next month) I need major dental work: root canal, filling, crowns, possible extraction Question: Where can I get good dental insurance that covers the above procedures without a waiting period. I need these procedures fast. I need a high annual maximum which I assume comes with a high premium. P.S - I've looked at Aetna, Humana and Delta Dental; they only pay a miniscule fraction of the procedure.""
How much would insurance cost for me?
i'm an 18 yr old female driving a 86' camaro
How much does car insurance cost.?
I am 18 and ready to get my drivers license but how much does car insurance cost per month on average.?
""For car insurance rates, does the amount of the claim matter, or is it just that you had a claim?""
Wondering about how car insurance premiums work. I just got into an accident this morning. I rear-ended someone so it was my fault. When we file a claim to fix her car, is it worth it for me to get mine done as well? Or will getting mine fixed cause my premium to go up even more when its time to renew?""
Do I need to buy auto insurance when I rent a car?
I presently have comprehensive insurance on my own car
Car Insurance Problem Please Help!!!?
Hi everyone, somebody hit my car and drove off about 3 weeks ago. I phoned my insurance up and made a claim, the problem lies now on my son, who is the addtional driver and who hasnt been driving my car because he doesnt need to. The problem is that he has had drink driving conviction and no insurance conviction for about 3.5 years. Prudential my insurance company want to see my licence and his licence counterparts, BUT we completely forgot about the convictions etc. So now I have a problem where i think my insurance will be void but he doesnt drive the car nor was he involved in the accident. What happens now as they have requested both photocopies of our licences, is there a way out of this, thank you""
Car Insurance for 18 year old?
I am looking to buy my Daughter a small car, she is 18, what is the ideal car for me to buy, as insurance is the problem the cheapest we can find is 800 for a KA, valued at 500, thanks""
Riding a motorcycle without licence?
I just bought my first motorcycle today, and I'm enrolled in the msf course but it dosn't start for a few weeks. Can i still ride my bike legally?""
Car Insurance for a 17 year old ? Rough price needed.?
Hi, My son is 17 in a couple of months, need a rough guess on how much insurance will be on a low groupage car (peugeot 106 1.0 etc). He'll be provisional but will have his mother on the insurance also. We're in Teesside so not out in the sticks but not a city postcode. Any rough ideas will be great. Thanks.""
What is average increase in car insurance rates after you get a speeding ticket?
Ausome that this is the persons second ticket and they cannot go to traffic school to erase the ticket
Someone help me with car insurance?
I am 17 years old and haven't yet got a lisence or a car or even a provisional. But when I turn 18 I am going to get a car I have been looking at insurance prices and they're ridiculous. Like 2,000 pounds a month? Or these really realistic. I searched for insurance entering a vauxhall corsa? Can someone help? Help me think of a good car that's cheap that will have cheap insurance.""
Motorcycle or Scooter Insurance in London?
How much would the insurance be for a motorcycle or scooter worth less than 4,000GBP in London? I'm hoping that it would be a lot less than a 50cc scooter in Dublin worth about 400GBP costing 200GBP for insurance per year.""
Insurance cost for a 2001 Range Rover?
What would the annual cost be to insure a smart teenager on a 2001 range rover hse? just a ballpark works... Thanks
How much will I pay for motorcycle vs. moped insurance in Wa state?
How much will I pay for motorcycle vs. moped insurance in Wa state? M/19/3 accidents? First of all, I'm tired of trying to get quotes online. Could someone with some experience or knowledge around this give me a fairly accurate ballpark of what it would cost to insure myself? I live in Washington state, I'm a 19 year old male, and I've been in 3 accidents. The first was early December 2010, the second was late December 2010, both. Both were my fault, rear enders, and low speeds. The first one earned me a ticket for basically not paying attention, no injuries occurred. The first was a little over $3000 in damage, the second was 500-1000 and totalled the 99 vw jetta. The third accident was driving my girlfriends car and my insurance company was never involved. It was about 1600 in damages and was determined to be 50/50 fault by her, and the other drivers insurance companies. There will be 3 people total in the house, all of us drive. I'm looking into either a mid-late 80's Honda, a Rebel possibly, some kind of cafe racer, or a newer 2000's moped. All used, I'm looking in the 600-1000 range. I work full time and am attending college, I'm trying to compare pricings for motorcycles vs. mopeds that are roughly the same cc's, around 200-350.""
Any car insurance which insurances foreign cars?
Hi! I live in Italy and I am italian. I heard that there are some english insurance which insurance cars and people in foreign country. Is it real? do you know anything about that? Could you give me some advice about that? I am waiting your answers! Bye!
Pregnant: no insurance?
i just found out that i'm pregnant. it was a surprise. i don't have insurance. what can i do? i am over qualified for medicaid, barely. my husband is a police officer. to give birth at the hospital it will cost $7180. i called maternity card but they are very expensive and my doctor already said he doesn't deal with them. does anyone have any solutions? i really need an answer. thanks!""
I NEED legal help...(home owners insurance will not pay for this why?)?
I am posting this on behalf of my mother in law. She has a car that was damaged at her sisters house (my mother-in-law lived with her sister) during the wind storm Cincinnati had last year. My mother had the car parked in the driveway and a tree fell on it and totalled the car. But guess what would have not been a problem if she had Car insurance on it but at the time she was in between insurance companys but she did not drive the car at the time anyway. So now she has found out she has GAP so I did the claim and they said that they can give her 5000 (hopefully) toward the loan. She went to the home owners insurance and they said they wont pay. If it was her sisters car they would have though. I am really not sure but it doesnt sound right to me. If that tree would have hit a person but not her sister would they have had to pay? That just doesn't make since to me because my mother-in-law lived in the house aswell. Can someone help me.
What's the cheapest I can get car insurance for?
I'm 17 years old, and am looking to get my first car, something like an old Ford KA, Ford Fiesta or similar, you know the kinda cars I'm talking about. I am able to keep it in a secure residential car parking space. I'd prefer not to be told to just look around on price comparison websites , I've looked but the prices im being quoted are ranging from 3500 to 8000 and I'd like a rough idea on the cheapest I would be able to get it for, and tips as to how I can get it at a good value price?""
Best way to find affordable therapy for a teenager with depression?
I'm seventeen years old and I think I have depression. All teenagers are emotional, I get that, but I know this is more. When I'm occupied and around people for a few hours at a time or less, I'm fine and usually even happy. Then when I actually have time to stop and think and let my mind wander, I usually feel kind of hopeless and just very sad. I also have other emotional issues, like the littlest things seem to enrage me. Also, I read somewhere that depression can cause physical issues such as digestive issues (which I have been having a lot of the past four or five months). I cancel plans a lot now, either because my stomach is acting up or I feel too sad to go anywhere and I just dont want to be bothered with people. Ive been sleeping a lot more than normal lately because thats the only time things dont bother me. When I was about thirteen I had an issue with cutting, I would talk to my guidance counselor (which is not an option now because I did home schooling and now am done with school until college next fall) and when she realized that I may have some more serious issues, she called my mom. My mom always brushed it off. She talked to me a total of one time, only when I went to my older cousin and my cousin forced my mother to talk to me. Basically, my mom got mad because I said I didnt feel comfortable talking to her and she refused to send me to a counselor, then she said she would send me to a counselor (at that time I had insurance) but she never actually ended up doing anything. So I went back to doing what I always do, pretending to be fine, and for the most part I controlled it. I stopped cutting until about seven months ago, which was also when all my other issues started popping up. I havent cut myself in a few months now, but I still have the urge to which is not okay. Depression and other mental health issues run in my family, and I keep thinking of one particular relative who got so bad that she took her own life. I know that at some point she must have been like me, where it was difficult but still somewhat manageable, and it just scares me that I could get to the point she was at. I have no insurance, and we have very little money. I know Yahoo Answers isnt the ideal place to seek advice, but I dont know where to go. I only have one true friend that I trusted enough to tell, and obviously she is my age so shes just as clueless as me. Then I have tried talking to my older cousin (not the same one I mentioned before, she and I dont talk anymore) but in her world even if the money is not readily available, when its needed they find a way, so she doesnt get the concept when I tell her I really do NOT have the money for a psychologist or insurance. Is there any websites or anything that provide information on free or more affordable counseling for teens? Im ready to admit that I need help I just need to find somebody actually willing and able to give it to me.""
How much home insurance & tax for a cheap studio?
I know 0 about this: are home insurance rates annual or monthly? Could someone give me just a very rough idea about how much a cheap studio's home insurance & tax would cost? (in ...mostrar ms
Student: Buy car with years free insurance?
I'm looking to buy a new car, and I have heard that you can get special deals where you get a years free insurance. I'm 18 and have one years ncb. Does anyone now of a deal like this currently on offer? Cheers :D""
What would the insurance on this car be roughly?
Just been looking at this car. Should be driving by the end of this year. What would the insurance be roughly? any car expert opinions? we're looking at this cause its a classic, its fairly cheap, it can fit my brothers cello and my parents like it as well and would pay for it. Just what would the insurance be like for me? when I start to drive?""
""Insurance company does not want to pay for my car damages, what should I do?""
I let my mom borrow my car, which insurance is under my name, she crashes. She exchanged insurance info with the other driver. I called the other driver's insurance to make a claim to have them get my car fixed. As soon as I told the insurance rep what had happened, he hung up. I try calling them again only to have the rep say, we need to get the other driver's side of the story and hung up again. My car got really damaged, but the other driver's car only got scratches, I know it may not matter but nonetheless I would like to have them pay for my car damages. My insurance only has liability so I can't file a claim under my insurance. The only thing I have is a police report of them exchanging insurance info but no document stating in detail what happened and who is at fault, that's it. What should I do?""
Still have to pay car insurance after selling the car?
I had an accident a couple of months ago, my car was written off so i bought another car which i've now sold because i dont really need a car, but my insurance company wants me to pay the remains of my policy, i take it there's no way to get out of this?""
progressive liability and renters insurance quote
progressive liability and renters insurance quote
What is the cheapest insurance group in the uk? how do they class it?
What is the cheapest insurance group in the uk? how do they class it?
Should my car insurance go up this high after an accident?
I got into an accident where I hit someone s bumper in a parking lot. I reported to my insurance company and they took care of it with $750. I was 100% at fault, and expected my renewal to go up, but when it came out, it was $800, which is 100% more than my usual insurance of $400 Does it suppose to go up 100%??!!! And this price will stay on for 6 years!!! That means by the end, I would end up paying $1800 more just to the company!! $1000 more than what I would've paid the guy!! This does not make sense to me whatsoever, first I thought the renewal was just for one year, it will go down bit by bit, but second year is still the same price! I am only a G2 driver who been driving for 3-4 years on PEI in Canada, can that be the reason? Still, $1800 extra?? Plz help me and thank you!""
""I was rear ended, question about insurance?""
I was rear ended, and since it was completely the other guys fault my insurance company (allstate) said I could just call his insurance company to file the claim, as they would be paying for everything. So I did, and they sent out the adjuster to assess the damages (basically scratches) and said they will be sending me a check based on the adjusters findings. So... what if when I go to get it fixed it costs more, or what if they find out something is bent or jacked up underneath? Can I go back and ask for more money if that happens?""
What car insurance do you have?
Im trying to find one that's cheaper I recently have 21st Century. What's the name of your car insurance and do you like it?
Having a hard time to find affordable health insurance?
I just need a simple surgery on both my ears. About a year ago I developed a keloid on both ears. I know they can get bigger so I want to get it fixed before it looks like a grape behind my ear. My biggest problem is in finding affordable health insurance. Can anyone tell me a good site to go to for affordable health insurance? All answers would be greatly appreciated.
""On, average what would a classic mini's insurance cost be.?""
In the UK for a first time, 18 year old driver, car would be left on a drive in a low crime area""
Car Insurance for a 17 year old girl?
How do I get the cheapest car insurance possible. Should the car being insured be expensive (ish) or cheap? Should I wait until after my daughter has passed her test? I appreciate that all insurance for first time drivers is high but would like advice please.
Will car insurance cover me if an unlicensed driver was driving?
I have a problem. My car was wrecked by an unlicensed driver. I didn't know that person's license was suspended. Will my insurance still cover it? My car is messed up pretty ...show more
Is insurance expensive on an '01 Hyundai Tiburon?
Is insurance expensive on an '01 Hyundai Tiburon?
Question about health insurance!!?
Can a health insurance company cut your coverage while being treated for depression?
What is the approximate cost of insurance for a lamborghini gallardo lp550-2 spyder?
What is the approximate cost of insurance for a lamborghini gallardo lp550-2 spyder?
I am looking for a good team name for an insurance agency.?
we are selling insurance products, estate planning and other financial products.""
How much does car insurance cost for a 17 year old?
I can get my license anytime now. North Carolina doesn't offer good student discount. I'm asian, will be driving my dad's 2000 Ford Windstar with 70,000 miles. My dad says that adding me on to his allstate account would cost 1100 every six months. That sounds a little exaggerated. Is there anywhere else where I can find cheaper insurance?""
What is the average cost of life insurance?
I know individual circumstances apply, but there must be an average monthly cost somewhere. 33 years old, Looking for term life insurance, 500K I was just given a monthly quote for $28 per month""
Can I drive my new used car without insurance for 30 days?
I just bought a new used car today. I have insurance on my old car still (in my mom's name). Does that insurance cover my new car (in my name) for a bit do you think? Or should I just not drive it at all until i get it insured?
How do I find an affordable individual health insurance plan that includes maternity coverage?
I'm going to pull my hair out! Maybe I should perch atop a clock-tower until someone provides me coverage? Seriously, I have spoken to half a dozen insurance people and the best ...show more""
""Will Core buy me a home, car, insurance, cares, etc? I want to switch to Core from Wells Fargo.?""
I want to switch from Wells Fargo to Core, because I'm tired of Wells fargo withdrawing 5 dollars a month for service fee from my Checking Account. I thought about depositing my savings to Wells Fargo, but I don't have a savings account; I only have checking and I can't afford to pay to open up a savings. I want to switch to Core, because there's no monthly service fee. But is Core right for buying a Home, Car, Insurances, etc? How do you feel about this?""
16-24 yr olds: What do you know about insurance?
I am working on a research project about insurance for 16-24 year olds. This information is for research purposes only and will in no way be shared or sold to anyone. The intent is to gather information from high school/college age students on their perceptions on insurance. What types of insurance would you like to purchase? (auto, health, college, iPad, smartphone, etc.) Have you been purchased insurance? If yes, what type? If no, have you been involved in purchasing insurance? Do you carry insurance on each of your personal media devices? (e.g.smartphone, iPad, laptop, etc.) What do you know about insurance? Would you be willing to take a class on insurance if it meant receiving a discount on an insurance policy? If you were shopping for insurance, where would you go to look for an insurance quote? What are your hobbies? Do you belong to any sports/groups/organizations? If yes, which ones?""
Is getting the cheapest possible car insurance a good idea?
Like SafeAuto.
How much would it cost to insure my motorcycle?
I plan on buying a Suzuki dr-z400s and I'd like to know what some people are paying for their insurance. Or maybe just what I would be paying. I'm 16 years old, Male, and I have a clean record. I'm not sure what kind of insurance I would get but probably just liability. Thanks!""
How much would a 1986 mustang convertible insurance be?
I'm seventeen and I'm looking into getting a this mustang and I wanted to know how much it would be with a the classic car plates on? My friend has a 1979 camaro and his is only $88, but this mustang has a 5.0 so it is bigger than his.""
About how much does an Sr22 bond cost?
The reason I need one is, I was pulled over and caught without insurance. Now in order to get my license reinstated I must first get this bond.""
Do i need maternity insurance when I already have health insurance?
Just found out we were expecting... I am using Aetna health insurance, Do I need to add maternity insurance? Does it make a difference?""
I was rear ended in california with no insurance is there anyhting i can do?
I was rear ended in a car accident in california,and I did not have insurance at the time.My car was wrecked.And Im stuck with the hospital bill's.Is there anything i can do legally ?""
Ninja 250r Insurance price for 17 year old?
Hi, i am looking to buy a USED ninja 250r when i turn 17. How much would Insurance cost per month? I plan on taking the msf course, and any other program that could lower my insurance rate. Thanks!""
progressive liability and renters insurance quote
progressive liability and renters insurance quote
Question about Car Insurance?
I don't know if it's possible to get an answer from you guys, but it's worth a try! I have State Farm insurance, and I'm going to be driving a 2006 Hyundai Sonata, and i'm 16 years old. It's black, & I make pretty good grades, 3.5 is my avg (I heard that mattered) I was just wondering how much it would be per month! If you have any help, that would be great! Thanks :)""
""I need to find how much insurance would cost on a dodge charger, tune-up, tires etc including coupons?
what site should i go to..?
How much would it cost approximately to insure a commercial van in the UK?
For the purpose of a university business plan i need to know very approximately how much it would cost for a small company to insure a second hand van , sort of like this one http://vans.autotrader.co.uk/used-vans/mercedes-benz/vito/2006/at8a6ab63235e7d22b0135ee88617f51e1/mercedes-vito-109-cdi-long-air-conditioning-diesel - so a few year old , good condition aporx 50-100 thousand miles on it bought second hand for about 5-7K , i literally need to know what ball park w're talking , 500ish? 1000? more , less? I have no idea... thank you""
Whats the cheepest car on insurance for a 17 year old and how much?
whats the cheepest car on insurance for a 17 year old and how much
Will a new insurance company looking into rates know of a ticket which hasn't been sent in guilty or not yet?
I recently got a ticket for failing to drive in the correct lane, but I haven't sent it in guilty or not guilty yet. And now I am looking into car insurance rates. Will the insurance company know I got the ticket?""
""NYC drivers, is there a cheaper way to get Auto insurance?""
I hate the fact that we in NYC have to pay 5x more for auto insurance. I noticed some people have cheaper insurance, is there possibly a way to get cheaper insurance?""
Young drivers car insurance?
Okay i know this has probably been asked alot but here here it is, im 19 and passed my test last month, ive been searching round on some sites but cant find anything for under 5000. Does anybody know what car is cheapest and through which insurer?""
WHat is a good cheap auto insurance? I am an 18 year old male....yes I know I'm screwed.?
It is bad enough having insurance when your a teen male, but when you have a sports car with a V8 in it...well it gets a whole lot worse. I just bought my dream car (a pontiac trans am) and now I would like insurance so I can drive it....the car cleared out my savings(im a senior in high school so I didnt have a whole lot to begin with). I heard viking insurance is good , but IDK. I want to have decent coverage, but also not have my whole paycheck go to them either. anybody have any tips or know of any good insurance companies. ps and no i dont want to sell my car and buy some Civic lol""
Cheap car insurance in Oklahoma?
Where can I get a good deal on car insurance in Oklahoma?
2000+ Toyota Celica Insurance and More?
I'm a 16 year old boy and expecting to buy this car for about $6,000 in August. I am looking for details such as mpg and insurance rates for a 16yo boy buying this car. I heard the mpg are really good on this car but will it be worth it if the insurance is high? Help me decide and give me other car ideas under the budget of $7,000 -Cory, CT""
18 year old full cover insurance?
I'm 18 and I have full cover insurance on a saab 97x but I pay 200$ I wanna see what I can do to pay less
Would my auto insurance increase if I hit a careless pedestrian jaywalking on a private property?
Would my auto insurance increase if I hit a careless pedestrian jaywalking on a private property? Here are the case facts: - 1. Pedestrian was hit by my car while crossing a road located within a private property (a community college) in Brampton, Ontario (Canada) 2. I was in no position to clearly see the pedestrian in advance as the pedestrian suddenly appeared from behind the huge pile of snow on the side of the road. The pedestrian was walking from the parking lot and came onto the road from a blind spot. 3. I was driving at 30kms/hrs and saw the pedestrian just before I hit the pedestrian. 4. The pedestrian was NOT using the designated pedestrian crosswalk but was jaywalking on the road in attempt to cross the road. 5. I applied brakes as soon as I saw the pedestrian on my way but the pedestrian got hit by the time finished applying the breaks. I think my car came in contact with the pedestrian when the car had almost stopped possibly causing the minimum impact. Pedestrian seemed to be all right (not injured) but was slightly in pain due to the hit as my car hit her in the thigh. She did not fall down and was still able to walk (but was crying due to the shock) 6. I called 911 (both cops and ambulance) and they didnt charge me with offence. 7. The Police Officer concluded that it was not my fault after he confirmed with the witnesses that I actually tried to stop the car and that the pedestrian was jaywalking and not using the pedestrian walk for cross the road. The cop mentioned that I would have been charged if I were not driving on a private property. The building security also concluded that I was not at fault. 8. The police accident report makes no mention of my fault. 9. The paramedics concluded that pedestrian was not injured and was all right but they took her to the hospital anyway (for check up since the pedestrian seemed to have some pain in the thigh) My question is  Although, I was not ticketed or charged, would MY INSURANCE GO UP? I have heard that Insurance companies are notorious and would hold you responsible anyways or may hold you partially at fault?""
Whats the price for transfering insurance?
Wanted to switch my insurance from my truck thats not running to one that is
How can I price/estimate what my car insurance payment will be if I don't currently have a car?
I live in New Jersey. I haven't EVER had my own car insurance although when I was in high school I was on my parents' insurance. I am a 28 year old female. Thanks all!!!
""When you rent a car, what happens if you get into an accident? Does your own insurance company?
cover your liability? Or will insurance automatically come with the car you rent? How does it work?
What does a full coverage insurance cover?
If my car was in an accident and i have a full coverage insurance plan what exactly does the insurance cover? The car was totalled and can no longer be used.
How much would my insurance go up if im 17 and was at fault for a car accident worth more then 750 dollars?
my family plan was about 3k every 6 months. The other car had about 3.4k worth of damage also. Also if i turn 18 will my insurance still become cheaper?
What is the best type of life insurance to purchase?
I know nothing about life insurance but I would like to buy some to assure me and my kids will be taken care of in the event my husband passes. He only has one 1 issue which is Rheumatoid arthritis, otherwise in good health. . Me and my husband are both close to 50 years old. What is the best insurance to purchase? I know that term insurance expires. Does that mean if you do not pass within the term you do not get any money back that you have paid into it?. Thinking about a 250.000 dollar policy. Thank you.""
How can i start selling life insurance at home and what type of license do i need?
Would i be able to start my own buisness online and localy selling another companys life insurance and setting up appointments what kind of license do i need to sell insurance and for my own buisness do i just selling life insurance for another company do i just need a llc license
Is the homeowners insurance higher in florida if you have a pool?
Is the homeowners insurance higher in florida if you have a pool?
California Lawyer Malpractice Insurance Requirements?
Does a lawyer in California have to get Malpractice Insurance in order to take clients? For example if a newly admitted lawyer wanted to do a simple will for a family friend, would they have to obtain insurance first or can they take the case, at their own peril, and collect a fee for it?""
How much is health insurance for a 55 yr old women??
i live in southern ca and we are looking on getting a affordable health insurance for my mother she is 55 yrs... around how much will we be expecting on paying mothly... and what good health insurances are recomended??
How can I get access to affordable US Health care as an American who lives in France?
It has been almost 2 years and I really feel like there is something not right with my health but the doctors in France aren't listening. I have swollen lymph nodes for over a year now. Some disappear, then reappear in different locations. And I am very fatigued and have itching behind my knees at night that wakes me up. Yet there is not a rash nor insect bite. It seems like the doctors in France rely strictly on complete blood counts for everything and if your blood tests are normal, then there is nothing wrong with you. I wonder if it would be the same in the US system, considering France was the winner of the WHO's Best Medical System in the World award. Shoudl I purchase an insurance plan on the web and seek treatment in the US?""
Cheap Car Insurance - Please Help?
Hello in June I will be 17 years old! Obviously like all 17 year old males I want a car! I'm not massively fussed about the car as long as it doesn't cost to much! Today I have been looking at cars such as; FIAT CINQUENCENTO Perodua Nippa EX and a few other cars bellow 1l I live in Northamptonshire and my postcode is NN1 *** on comparison websites i cant find insurance for less than 3500 when that is miles out of my price range! If anyone knows any insurance sites or extremely cheap cars to insure for 17 year olds then please reply to this. Any help will be much appreciated. Thanks
Need health insurance for my child
need health insurance for my child I have a child who lives with his mom and I need to buy health insurance for him, Im also moving o/s so I cannot get insurance though my work, does anyone know of any programs or discount insurance company I can go though.""
progressive liability and renters insurance quote
progressive liability and renters insurance quote
""You must have car insurance, question about that?""
Here in Utah, it is law that you must have car insurance. I'm wondering though, what if I borrow my father's car, and it is insured, but I am not an insured driver, how does this work? Is it fine as long as the car is insured? I might not be an insured driver but does that still fulfill the law? If not, why do people borrow cars all the time?""
Insurance on 2011 subaru STI?
I'm 19 sold my truck that had become a money pit and saved about 5 grand to put down on a new car. I make about $1950 a month at my job and have been there for a year. I came across a subaru Impreza STI for the price of $29000 only has 400 miles on the car and I can afford the payments per month (around $400) I'm just curious about insurance costs. I'm 19 been driving for 3 years no accidents and no tickets... What should I expect for insurance per month??(ballpark estimate) my insurance guy is not in til tomorrow just asking to see what you guys think
Where to get pregnancy insurance?
Please can someone tell me where to get pregnancy insurance? I am a UK citizen and will be spending the whole of 2010 in America (Boston). Thanks
Should Obama be impeached for saying you can keep your insurance?
Should Obama be impeached for saying you can keep your insurance?
What is the best (price and care) auto insurance for someone with a DUI?
So about 7 years ago I made a mistake and got a DUI. I realize it stays on your record for 10 years but there has to be decent full coverage insurance in San Francisco that does set me back almost $200 every month. Any suggestions?
Will auto insurance be cheaper If i'm on my parent's plan?
I'm 17. I graduated college early, so i'm now a sophomore in college. I have a job, where I make generally $600 a month. Not much but i'll be graduating soon so I can deal with it until I move out. Anyway, I'm having to buying my own car because the car my parents bought me is sadly a piece of crap and breaking down every other day. (06 suzuki, they should stick to making ATV's.) I'll be making $100 per month car payments until February, and i'll also be paying for my own insurance. It's complicated. The lowest quote I can find online is about $186 bucks, which I can't afford. I don't need full coverage, I can't afford it. And won't be able to for a while. If i'm on my mom's insurance plan, it should be quite a bit cheaper, right? I'll be 18 in a month but i've had 1 speeding ticket. The car i'm buying is an 02 Jeep liberty. Is it possible to be able to pay around $90-$130 under my mom's plan? Or is that just completely out of the question.""
Progressive will our insurance go up?
So my Dad has Progressive insurance. I drive one of his cars that is under his name on both the title and the insurance. I got my license revoked. I'm curious if his insurance will find out about it if my name is not on the insurance card. I'm not sure if he has me listed anywhere else on the insurance if that is even possible, all I have is the card and my name is nowhere on it. Basically I want to know if his insurance rates are going to go up because of me.""
""Thinking of buying Subaru Impreza WRX, What are upkeep/maintenece and servicing costs/?""
I am thinking of buying an impreza and have tried to find info online about servicing and upkeep costs of them. I have been looking at both 2.0 wrx 03-05 models and also the newer 2.5 wrx 55-07 model (havent decided which yet!!). I have an insurance quote fro around 750 for both and I am happy with this. I have seen a few cars that I like. One of which is an 03 reg 54,000 miles. the other is the newer model 06 reg done 54000 miles and another of the same model thats only done 45000 miles. Can anyone tell me what the maintenece costs would be on this with doing about 6000 miles a year? When would the next service be due and what are the likely costs of these? Regards""
""Car insurance, help please?""
I'm 18 years old & looking into buying a used 2011 nissan Altima from a dealer soon. My mom will be a cosigner for it & I was wondering if I would be able to insure that car under her name as the primary & me as an additional driver? Insurance rates are just too outrageous & unaffordable for my age & for new cars with full coverage so I'm really hoping that it would be possible for her to insure it since she'll be a cosigner. Thanks for all the help & answers, greatly appreciated!""
Which of the following medical expenses are deductible for AGI?
#NAME?
Where can i find some good health insurance?
i live in california bay area i'm just wondering if theres any good insurance out there i'm 19 and i just don't feel safe without health insurance and how do i know if it's a good or crappy one please explain in details
Do I need to declare to my insurance company If I change my alloy wheels.?
It currently has the factory 16 alloy wheels on but 2 of them are buckled. I don't want to buy new ones the same as this seems to be a common problem with ford fiesta alloys so was thinking of replacing them with the same size alloys of a different brand. Do I have to declare this to my insurance company?
How much would car insurance be in boca raton fl?
i am a 21 female, toyota corolla s 2006, 31,000 miles ... how much would insurance be? i have a clean driving record... also my car is currently registered in PA .. how do i transfer my car and license to florida ?? ...""
""I need good, affordable health insurance. Any suggestions? Do any exist specifically for Nursing students?""
I already looked into StateFarm and they quoted me at near $200, and that's just way too much. I need something that's gonna be less than $100.""
Should i get 20 year term or a 30 year term life insurance?
My husband and I currently have a 20 year term life insurance policy. We are switching companies because we were paying too much at State Farm. I'm 30 and he is 33 and we are both in very good health. We have a 9 month old baby boy and our policies are for $500,000 each. The rate I'm getting is $45 for both of us for the 20 year term and $70 for both of us for the 30 year term. Which one should I go with?""
How can I make car insurance lower?
I have 6 points on my license at the moment, which everyone already knows has made my car insurance skyrocket. As points get taken off my license will the car insurance go down? If not does anyone have any advice on any kind of way I can make my insurance cheaper?""
Cheap car insurance for young male drivers?
where is the best place to get cheap car insurance for a young male driver??
What do you mean by car insurance quotes?
What do you mean by car insurance quotes?
Bmw 1992 insurance cost?
what is the insurance cost for 1992 bmw 352i???
Car insurance on a ROUSH.?
How much would it cost for a 17 year old, with no tickets and had never gotten into a wreak, to be covered on a 2007 mustang roush?""
Insurance cost for a 16 year old with a 1986 iroc camaro?
I'm 16 have a 1986 iroc camaro 350ci and i live in an average neighborhood in western ny i'm a male. any insurance guestimates? I'm gonna need to be on my own plan.
Should i have my g2 licence for sure to get my auto insurance?
I've my international driving permit and g1 license.... but when i try to get auto insurance quote in the internet... The results are not given,if i mention i have my international driving licence or G1 licence.... So this is making me wonder, only if i have g2 licence... its possible to get my car insurance in canada? ... Please help.""
My cousin's car got into an accident. How much would the insurance company cover?
My cousin had an accident a few weeks ago. He accidentally bumped his car in the rear of another car. The rear part of the other car is wrecked. The other car is covered by an insurance. How much would my cousin have to pay? Will he need to pay anything given that the car is insured? Please help, I don't know much about insurance and I want to help my cousin""
Car accident involving two parties with same insurance company?
Hi there, My dad was involved in a car accident where the other party was at fault in WA state. Both parties have same insurance company. The Insurance company deemed the car as a total loss and sent a check of $4000. Meanwhile my dad had to go to a doctor because his neck is super stiff. Did anyone have similar experiences? $4000 isn't enough for a new car, and they can't afford car payments at this time (my mom has was just laid of), should we get a lawyer to contact the insurance company to demand higher compensation? Thanks!""
What is the approx cost of car insurance ( group 18) for a teen driver? UK?
What is the approx cost of car insurance ( group 18) for a teen driver? UK?
progressive liability and renters insurance quote
progressive liability and renters insurance quote
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/wisconsin-insurance-health-katelyn-bolton/"
0 notes
haeroniel-doliet · 6 years
Text
thbleugh but what bich is gonna fight me for me
idk im just gonna rant again, im sorry if youre on mobile just like, give it a big flick and fly past this i tried i actually have a read more this time
anywy im feelin shitty an dumb n weird an its not fun?? like do we try categorize these feelings: 
1. i have 3 days to pass a course and all the course work i failed to do in fucking march 
1.b. all those emotions to do w unis great! but also ive been solow and sad and dysfunctional its not rly even funny, grades dropping many levels in half a year like. sure grades dont define my life but considering how easy it is for me to get those grades to see them consistently and kinda dramatically dropping isnt helping (even though like i actively know i got lower grades bc i didnt fucking attend class or take in any knowledge. i realise hahah im making a psychology reference bc im a smart psychology uni student.... hmh oh yeah we, we learned about this, i dont know it. my peers do. oh. oh i didnt, i didnt learn anything. oh no. im here to learn abt the subject im supposedly loving and thats the best fit for me bc like hell id be an artist. anyway i have a lot of shit down here i havent figured out who to talk it out to. the mental health advisor didnt have the time for it rly and w counsellors its been different topics but now were in summer and id rather spend the spare money i can rattle off my parents on ballet than a psyhc i could see 2 times best. im just gonna have to wait till septembet bc my dumb white wall subscitption expired too damnti. ugh im just, okay lets move on
2. inadequacy thats not justified? like it is obvs bc it bothers me and i know i can do better and i am better than this all and i clearly have smth stopping me. while to others im doing just fine if not better than them who are really struggling and kinda dont have sympathy for me who goes ‘ugh im doing so badly and struggling, i mean i write perfect essays in one go but its just so hard to do thattt and i know im smarter and better than this’ esp bc say putting words together in that way is difficult on them and not been good at school
2.b. like being good at school but noot being good now, classic phenomenon or has my school system always been the softes most coddliest and where in the normal or worse school 1would have performed average and maybe learned to study and the worth of it to do better, ive just been good enough that caring became so unnecessary i need to waste my time on pointless but constant other things. like youtube and rpchats. constant monotone stimulation for hours. andhours. 
2.c. asking for help bc im struggling w actually getting over the fuzzy and struggle and self hate and blegh feelings to do some work thatd allow me to pass the coursein my 3 days of the very last extended time. and then realising, ah either youve slaved over your work and stressed and panicked to have it good and on time and have no pity left for me and my foolishness, or you never got to uni/struggled to go to uni and think im wasting my opportunity by being an ungrateful lazy piece of hsit. and i know ia m. and 2.d. its the reason why im not doing extra volunteering or serious extra curriculars thatd give the headstart in my lfie. bc, even tho on one side i wanna be that kid and owuld scoff at ppl not doing it who are here for fun and get a degree on the side, rn i see it as not stealing away dedicated good peoples spots who deserve to get the extra recognition for being clever and independent, meanwhile knowing htat probablyill be just fine. worst case scenario for me is literally (ok theres worse but v unlikely) living w my parents and ending up at a mediocre service job to another mediocre office job or smth and never get to a lab bc i wasnt sufficient enough and i never got the cotton balls out of my head and cleared up again to be smart enogh
okay what next, shitty privilige, crying abt my cotton ball head or not being smart
3. okay were gonna do the smart first bc my chest hurts and i kinda feel like crying or smth abt it. like in a dumb (fun) chat im playing athena known for wisdom and all this shit, and though i can throw out a quip or two or cleverly use smth to keep the smartass wisdom stick going on, every now and then i realise how dumb i am and not smart enough that another person could clearly fill this in much better. like. you know all the hilarious posts abt mansplaining and women being pushed out of their fields by dumber men who think they know better bc the others a woman and like, yeah? things where they are confident enough to say, actually i am way smarter than you and i know this bettr. here i am feeling like even if i spent years researching smth i wouldnt have the confidence to feel smart and knowldegeable abt it. like rn, i cant even hold arguments anymore bc im a fool. and i come off as dumb and i dont want to be, i still wanna be the smart kid, but im not working my brain im not doing work or research or learning, im jsut floating by w my cotton ball head thats getting fuzzier and fuzzier and though i can do tasks and would probably b v compeittive if it came to that and need to prove myself as smart, i can no longer feel like id hold my own, esp when people poke holes so easily, trap falls, “hah you dont know what to say ive bested you you dumb bitch” vibey things i just. its horrible? i wanna be smart and be confident in my smartness and feel recognized as smart by other people and live up to that expectation of actually being clever. and not just, knowing im smart enough in some ways bc school ive  passed so easy w always good remarks and participate well in class discussion and all, and im sure nobody thinks im rly dumb bc if i have to ask things im v friendly and try to be attentive. and idk if nobodys expecting more than me, bc again if i cant answer ive developed to be v chill about it and come off as average i guess. 
anyways 4. privilige; like thers multiple inc. the fact im fucking finnish aka my education system was supposedly one of the best, i grew up international so i wasnt even confined to one shitty school in one shitty town, ive had varied school experiences and switching so much i think has given me confidence in myself and shit like that. also bc im finnish i get grants in uni, like free money. and so far i have barely had to use it bc surprise my parents are togther and decently well off bc they got lucky w a job being fancy ppl for 3 years and my older brother is already  adulting and slowly doing his own thing so i can have more money from them. aka. catch my dad paying all my rent and food and everything i need/ ask for on the condition we keep a good releationship. and im reasonable bc he raised me smart apparently idk. but that still means im living at home i have no intentions of becoming an independent home owner bc idk how i would esp since ill be with my parents most holidays for years to come and idk even when or how ill become a real adult being in a real home w real comapnionship. bc rn idk who im even gonna live with, hopefully be civil w them maybe even make a bit of friends but im not gonna have a significant other to move in and support me for a while bc thats a thing idk if were getting into today in this why im feeling shitty rant. 
4.b. so im priviliged in everyway to go to uni for free (damn i gotta apply for that again) in a nice country and a nice and supportive school and get funding from both my parents and my country and not worry abt money and just get a degree all supported and babied again. im also, idk. priviliged bc, fuck writing comes easy to me, i know nayone reading my rants would be like... yeah this is barely legible and terrible writted and mind blurts so i say it is yes bc its mind blurts but i can organise my htoughts into fancy essays surprisingly easy and critical stuff like psych and english came  mad easy to an extent. sure, i wasnt talented in math but i still made it, i am not talented in science but sometimes the concepts click and i can . but then, im also talented in art. and im not ashamed to say its privilige disposition or talent or smth, bc damn. i do not practice or dedicate enough love to claim that. sure, ive drawn always, sure, ive practiced more as a kid thatn other kids and thats probably carried me thru pretty far, but i think ive just had a natural disposition to be good at art technique (creativity maybe not so, or inspiration) but i know what looks good and sometimes how to achieve that. cue montage to art class where i sit w my friends who are talking about bands or making outlines w nut shells bc there i am beside them doing the work in half the time twice as good. mostly bc the teacher wasnt great and would assign essentially copying a picture from a4 to a2 u know like drawing the same thing. and thats not easy. and youre supposed to build up really light layers and slowly refine it.  and ppl who listened only ended up w shitty light drawings that either look like potatoes or vaguely like the picture, while i with boosting confidence would go, we only do one super light sketch one medium sketch and one dark layer. bc by the medium one everything is in its place and looks abt like everyone elses and i need the dark hues to show it accurately even if it isnt perfect, and my work would like almost always stand out on the wall bc it was so different/advanced. i wont lie it influenced my friends to not draw as well or as much sitting next to me, and ofc id feel bad and i could never boast bc i felt bad that they didnt try bc they saw me, thought mines not gonna be like that so im just gonna fuck around and do whatever. and i obvs needed praise but would always feel bad bc it was obviously me who was the best in that class and its so self conceited but, it kinda just was true in that small class half of whom didnt want to be there. me butt kissin and trying to impress myself w my skill. catch like, that first day he asked us to draw the person next to us, and i made my partner draw me first, bc i just knew if i went first theyd look at it and draw me a potato stick figure in 5 seconds and say i cant draw like you. and true. while the rest of the class made sketchy circle guys, some looing so childish, here i went and said, okay i find it awkward having you stare at me and if  you move a lot it makes it harder to be accurate, so, like take out your phone and get comfortable and look down at that for a while hence drawing3/4 unlike anyone else w eyes cast down and damn if i dont remember it being beautiful and identifiable as that friend, even tho the teacher told ppl around me like, ah yes she did it this way, 3/4 not face on which is much easier. which is true but bitch you never said. sides it looks so much better and was so much less frustrating. anyway, even now in that chat i go and like drop my drawings in bc partially i just wanna draw more and showing people makes me draw? u know. and i kinda wanna get compliments. but ive figured im pretty humble abt it. and sure i get comments that are like god i wish i could draw like that from someone that doesnt draw arms or legs and theyre v bublehead cartoon. and im like. you could. but yours is still middle school level, so just, keep working at it, get confidence to break your mold. 
that andtheres this one chick that,,,, gawd, well they admit to being a sociopath in chat which is great and seem real attention seekery in general (theres a surprising amount of people, while in midst of rp and getting compliments go “well i guess im a shit rpr because nobody wants to rp with me ://) post art and then be like dramatically UGH i hate it it looks so bad im terrible at art, literally poster girl for fishing for compliments. and even if i dont like the style at all, i try give in anatomical pointers or smth abt the drapery or smth technical i can complement. bc id want the same i guess? and i dont love let alone like the art itself. and then, while getting so many of those theyre like “yeah well nobody likes my art, say it reminds them of this character (jessica rabbit while all hers have big hips big tits tiny waists massive lips massive eye, but just one eye bc the otehrs covered by hair like theres obvious similarities) which means im totally not original like i thought so why even try!” and other melodramatic things that i can argue, but they dont wanna hear it they want attention and praise and i just ughhh i could preach you about how no art is original and its all from influence, or how someone doesnt have to like your style to appreciate it, or someone might love your style and like. basic stuff ive figured out myself. and it gets frustrating trying not to get a superiority, or to start shoving my own art in there to try compete or smth. and its just. hard. idk. id k. i know theres people who are averse to art and never tried to be good at it who are obvs gonna be omg thats so good i cant even draw and ill be like, hah yeah sure dude if you tried maybe btut thanks. 
also drawing man its so weird, whenever i see someone elses drawing a part of me goes “we must draw so that we can show were better than that” like, either to get complimetns and shift it to me? or to just show them off. to be like. i can do it better. which i kinda hate about myself? that i draw mostly bc of that and a need to show off? like amxxs art or smth, them talking like yeahh ugly art is good art, drawing is so healing i feel great or im so proud of myself for improivng so much look at my art, and a part of me goes, awh yes! my theorys proven working on art for yourself improves and can cheer you up, another goes, yesnow i must draw to show how good i am and show how i too feel fulfilled by drawing but also make it about me by weeping how i hate drawing myself. literally smths wrong w me seeing others pot abt their midrift, or learning to accept their curves or drawing themselves or smth, and theres a gremlin of me going like yeah but i cant draw myself bc i tried once and it looks like shit and ill only highlight my flaws and im slightly afraid of someone saying it looks exactly like me or other dumb shit, or i dont have curves to accept bcim not big hip big thic thigh girl im just. my legs are big but mostly ugly bc of the skin on them not bc of their size (ankles tho oof) and i have no hips i have no butt bc it allwent to my stoamch thats also ugly and my broad   badly postured back thats also ugly w these spots and marks and scars soon probably. and saggy boobs dont forget those. bc theyre literally fat sacks aiming for the ground i guess. anyway. no cute curves,  no beautiful skin no nth its just tough and i cant help but feel the negativity towards myself in almost every glimpse of someone elses positivity. i dont always air it which would be horrible of me to do, but its still there. making their happiness about my misery. maxx loves their boyfriend?> i hate them bc i dont like him and its rining it> i hate them havingsuch a dreamy but fake seeming ‘soulmate’ relationship bc its not true and i think itll end up terribly> im neveer gonna have that and im jealous of them i guess having someone theyd dedicate so much to and who loves them so much theyre all over the place making sappy things> well theyre an oveer romantic whod do it over the smallest things this wasnt a great example. 
anyway yeah extra note, even if i felt comfortable enough for sex im not comfortable enough in my body for that and idk how thats relevant to anything but i guess thats smth id also talk w a therapist abt whod probably tell me, then dont have sex! like yeah thats my plan.but im talking never gonna be able to form a relationship bc even having a friend for a sleepover makes me uncomfortable having them see me in an uncontrolled clothed position. u feel. 
anyway i have a lot of little problems that amount and i guess when i start addressing one the rest pop up their ugly heads and this is why i never getanywhere. this all comes from  how shitty i feel from how i have literally not even 3 full days to complete those tasks and pass, and i know i need to, though nothing in me actually feels like itll actually do the work u know, that spiraled through that chat into privilige of being at school and how i should tryy a bit that turned to im priviliged to be smart to pass and in my talent in art despite not being an artist that spiraled to another way i disliked myself and thats my fucked relations to myself my body and relationships (esp including me that dont exist)  
side note, though no surprise if for some ungodly reason youve read this shit i wrote at 8.30 am when i have a docs appointment abt my very ugly skin at 12.45 i over share. easily. if somseone asks id give them all. look at this. even in that chat i spiraled from, hah fun fucked up thing im almost failing my course bc im a shit, to my  heads filled with fuzz and i hate that i cant live up to my potentia. and im surprised how much i like this one guy, though who with his character ripped into my athena and make me question all my smartness, really makes me feel better ooc??? like theyre genuinely nice and just too informed and funny and playing the dick for a very well thought out reason (drunk doesnt mean it etc) and while the sociopath gal is giving me the side eye after they tried to help but figured out im a prviliged kid whos in school for free and not making the most of it and how easy school has been forme when for them despite their hard efforts they failed high school.u know not reallly helping kinda making me fele worse bc i know i should be doing better and could be and not only bc i have a priviliged opportuntity to and ability, i would benefit so much more if i did it for myself. but here comes by weird guy who slips on a freudian approach and claims they love helping ppl through their problems so i drop another overshare paragraph if he rly wanted to help but lighten it by taking thetopic off, he doesnt return and never address my post bc now its onto talking abt the big rp thing. im not mad. i just, idk i kinda wanted their support, another poor stranger to inflict w my extremely troubled wordy lengthy and i guess complex thoughts and feelings and lack there of sometimes and other shit. 
anyway im not doing great but im gonna grab 3 hrs of sleep before the doc, come back, nap, go to ballet again, come back, ad.... do smth.. work. maybe. one can hope. i hate it will it actually work only time can tell and i hate myself already.ugh. i hate i hate im not okya with this why cant someone else deal w me for me. deal with all these feelings and botherings and make me do my work and be satisfied doing it and do it all in time and feel a little success and reward myself like i should for work done and not just when i want. idk. someone,t ake over my life, you might be better at it. help me dela with school that i currently hate the most even if im meant to end up a scholar or smth
1 note · View note