#i DELETED my progress nobody get to see it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pastadoughie · 2 months

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many people were confused about some of my previous posts, so for the sake of clarity i am condensing everything! tumblr has extremely transphobic moderation practices, often flagging completely innocent posts as explicit, solely for containing trans women in them or mentioning transgenderism. while letting untagged porn in sfw tags (ive literally seen porn tagged as "sfw agere") and blatent hatespeech, especially twards trans people (just look at the "gender critical" tag) go completely unchecked recently the CEO of tumblr had a big public hissyfit about people (rightfully) calling him transmysogenistic, going into random trans womens dms to harrass them, and saying that predstrogen saying she "hopes he explodes with hammers and then explodes again and hammers fly everywhere" is a death threat and saying he is calling the FBI on her (repeatedly misgendering her and calling her "it") and many bloggers, apon speaking out about it or even making harmless jokes (one trans woman posted a picture of a car and a hammer with the caption "reblog to scare matt" and got nuked for it) and many are very very angry (rightfully) about this whole affair and tumblr in general. if you would like to look into it i reccomend scrolling the "predstrogen" tag as she is the case most people are talking about at the moment. So, what can we do? this is clearly an ongoing issue, and, dispite having lost a lawsuit about their transphobic moderation in the past (see : https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/21274288-tumblr-nycchr-settlement) its clearly not gonna stop with just user complaints, as staff members are perfectly content to just go scorched earth on users who even so much as lightly poke fun at them well if you want to help you should contact the human rights commision (i will give clear details further down) ! you dont have to be in the US, nor be an adult to file, and it only takes a few minutes. this is the best and most effective method to fix this, because it hits tumblr where it hurts. human rights acencies have a lot of legal and financial power and tumblr CAN NOT just ignore them, and given that this will be the seccond time this is happening, the commisions shouldnt be playing nice anymore eaither. its really important that AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE FILE, and with different examples! while maybe your case might not be enough to prop up a lawsuit on its own, we need to prove a general trend. so every little bit counts! to respond to another question abt this ive gotten, as for what exactly to report, you should a) write about an act of discrimination youve recieved on tumblr that was eaither administered by a staff member OR that staff refused to give adequate moderation action in for example : a terf posted some blatent hatespeech targeted twards you, and you reported them, and staff looked at the issue and refused to persecute it. example 2 : you were unfairly flagged, deleted, or otherwise punished by a staff member and you are queer ( AND the post they banned you for has some kind of tie to your gender, ex : a sfw transition progress photo ) OR b) if you have not personally recieved something like that, please look for other peoples stories (THEY SHOULDNT BE HARD TO FIND, within the last couple of hours trans people have been being banned LEFT AND RIGHT for trying to speak on this. i would reccomend checking some of the tags related to what happened with predstrogen) and you should describe that incident as best as possible (be sure to disclose that you are speaking for someone else, ideally you should tell the story of someone you know, if possible.) you can also mention any reports you have made twards people posting blatent hatespeech that, opon reveiwing tumblr refused to prosecute dispite it being very obviously against terms of service. just so nobody gets confused about the filing process, im laying it out in more plain languadge!!

first you should email the SF HRC (san francisco human rights commision), at [email protected] and say something along these lines :

Hello, I am [full name] from [country or state] and I am filing a complaint against Tumblr, witch is owned by the parent company Automattic Inc. located at 60 29th St, San Francisco, CA 94110.

Tumblr has had previous issues with the NYC DHR for their moderation being unfairly biased against trans women (see : https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/21274288-tumblr-nycchr-settlement).

Despite a legally binding agreement with the NYC DHR, staff members still regularly harrass users based on their gender or sexual orientations. For example : on [date of most recent infraction] [describe incident] (if you are describing an incident that did not happen to you specifically, say something like) This incident involves the user [username] who I am not affiliated with (or/) who I am filing on behalf of.

I can be reached for further inquiries about this incident at [email you want to talk over] or [phone number you want to talk over]. (if you would like to be anonymous) However, In the event of legal prosecution against Automattic I would refer to be kept anonymous, where possible, in court proceedings. alternatively, you can also call the SF HRC at : 415-252-2500, you can use the above text as a starting point for this as well, next you want to fill out the form for the NYC DHR (new york city department of human rights) here : https://www.nyc.gov/site/cchr/about/report-discrimination.page for company you wanna put : Automattic and/or Tumblr for address you wanna put : 770 Broadway, New York, NY 10003 for phone number you wanna put : (646) 513-4321 and for category of discrimination you can put : Discriminatory harassment and basis of discrimination you can put : Gender; Gender identity you can then use a similar script on the written section of the form. when describing a specific incident, you should attach as many screenshots and links as possible! (for links, include both a live link and an archival link, so take a capture with the internet archive and have that as an alternative, incase a staff member gets petty.) this should only take a few minutes at most, and it helps alot! you can fill this out if you are a minor, and you dont have to be a us resident, please please take the time!!! and, just to clarify because there are many posts going around that are confused about this tumblr moved offices to san francisco recently, so their main HQ is at : 60 29th St, San Francisco, CA 94110 they DO still have an office in new york city, and thats where their PREVIOUS HQ was, the address is : 770 Broadway, New York, NY 10003

#art #my art #mspaint #rowens liddol guys #mspaint animations #the beast speaks #important shit #transgender #trans #predstrogen

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nonbinary-vents · 3 months

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Sometimes I accidentally break out of my Tumblr Curated Experience bubble of Jews and I see what’s actually going on in the main part of this site. Posts with hundreds of thousands of notes with such blatant Jew hating whistles (I refuse to call them dogwhistles at this point they’re so clear), stuff that’s ripped straight from the Protocols and Mein Kampf. If you think I’m exaggerating on that, trust me, I’m not— I haven’t read either of the full texts, but I’ve read extracts, and frankly the shit here is indistinguishable from it. I’ll be having a good day, a day where I believe that maybe people are going to wake up in a couple years and realise how horrible this is, a day where I think that maybe one day I’ll be able to trust goyim again, and then that delusion just gets shattered as soon as I see what’s really out there

I don’t know what to do anymore. I thought as time went on and people got bored of their pet activism, things would get better, but it seems like it’s gone in the opposite direction— everyone online has been radicalised into hating Jews. The young western left have become straight up Nazis with a thin coat of progressive paint, and it’s only going to get worse because nobody is willing to listen to Jews. Honestly, I should just delete my account, but I’m not going to purely out of spite. But being online— not just on tumblr, it’s inescapable— as a Jew is willingly engaging in massive amounts of emotional harm

עם ישראל חי. Thats the only thing keeping me going. We will outlive this. We will outlive you

#Jew hatred #antisemitism #leftist antisemitism #jumblr #vent #please save me עפרה חזה #Jewish stuff

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dukeofankh · 3 months

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Trying to find progressive masculine community is so exhausting.

I've flipped through local men's groups, trying to find places to explore masculinity in a chill, progressive setting. First of all, they mostly seem to be modelled after AA, and like, my gender isn't a debilitating addiction, it's part of my identity actually, but also, the invite and description of the event have maybe a short paragraph tops actually waving vaguely in the direction of what the purpose of the group is, and then ten to twenty paragraphs breaking down the rules. One spent longer talking about the hand signals he would use to direct conversation than he did describing what the conversation would be about. Another had a full paragraph explaining that if the group thought you were evading what they thought your "real" problem was, they'd probably "call you to take accountability". Like...I don't even know who these people are yet and they're already letting me know that they view it as their right, no, their duty, to bully me into seeing things their way. Like, this is in the invite.

...and this warning is there instead of any sort of breakdown of like, I dunno. Whether you should be a feminist to show up. Whether it was a safe space for queer men. What the hell they wanted to talk about. Joining a men's space is on some level inherently submitting yourself to the authority of the leaders of that group, and you don't usually get a particularly clear breakdown of what the values and goals of those leaders are, because on some level the answer is always going to be "whatever I want"

And like, unfortunately you do need to filter men to build a men's space. You do need to remove or chastise men who act in ways that are toxic or disruptive or misogynistic. If you don't things turn into an MRA chapter pretty quick. But the sort of emergency powers that leadership takes on as a result of that...just kind of naturally end up reproducing masculine heirarchies.

MensLib, the only online community of progressive dudes talking about masculinity that I'm aware of, is...on Reddit. So there is a moderator system. In theory, a moderator is there to...moderate. This is a space where people are going to be talking, and mods are there to make sure things don't get too toxic or off topic.

The issue is that, on some level, that is technically a leadership position. In a sub trying to rehabilitate masculinity. So you've got a bunch of folks who view themselves as the leaders of this bastion of goodness standing against the depredations of the misogynistic internet, guiding the hapless smooth-brain neophytes towards The True Way.

In practice, this looks like 95 percent of the posts submitted for the subreddit being rejected. That isn't hyperbole. On average, the sub has about one new post per day. Almost all posts directly relating a personal experience are deleted immediately, in favour of articles written about masculinity in traditional media publications, which are considered more trustworthy than the sus lived experiences of the guys in the sub. The post I wrote here about the effect of purity culture on male sexual shame that's sitting at about 15K notes was based on a 10K word post I wrote for Reddit that was deleted because "I didn't cite any sources to prove that there is a link between purity culture and male sexual shame, or that my experience was anything more than anecdotal". I get comments deleted on a regular basis, and after paragraphs of protesting in modmail that my comments are both fully in line with feminism and not against the rules, the mods have just finally told me that the rules don't actually drive their actions as a team. They delete anything they feel leads the conversation in a direction they personally feel is unproductive. The rule cited at the time of deletion is really just the broad category of why they decided to hit the button that says nobody is allowed to read what I wrote.

The issue is kind of twofold. First of all, progressive men do not trust other men. A good dude knows that he, individually, is a good person, but literally any other man external to him is on thin ice. Do you really want to tie your wagon to that guy? Do you trust him, really? How do you tell the difference between a guy criticizing an article because it's factually incorrect and criticising it because a woman wrote it? Probably best to play it safe and delete it. Weight of the odds, he's probably a misogynist, right? This is the internet.

And thats the other half of it. If you view yourself as part of the leadership of The Good Guys, and you're getting hatemail from incels and facists all day, you get to the point where most of the time people challenge your authority it's because they're a terrible person. It is very, very easy to get to the point where someone challenging you is seen as evidence that they are a bad person. And now someone is challenging you (and therefore bad), in an environment where you are in charge, and you have a "make your opponent disappear" button.

I know. A Reddit mod was rude to me and now I'm butthurt. It's petty and stupid. I'm just feeling like there's nowhere else to really go, and I'm pretty despondent that literally every space I've seen that even looks like it might be for progressive men has the same deeply hierarchical structure and constant status-oriented squabbling as patriarchal spaces.

#me writing stuff #positive masculinity #menslib

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b0njourbeach · 26 days

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"Haha stupid lazy Lion go brrrr."

No.

Shut up and delete yourself from my sight.

I'll confess, My sight of Leona went approximately like this:

"Ohh, big kitty!" -> "Damn, he hot" -> [plays Book 2] "Damn.." -> [Has spent time to consume a lot of Leona content] "........"

Disclaimer: I'm continuously talking about Book 2, so if you don't want to get spoilered - Don't read it.

I have many thoughts on Leona, but the strongest one of them is:

"I want to hug his younger self/his inner child."

I know it's inside of him, hurting and damaged. All he ever wanted was to be loved, to be appreciated, to be *seen*. A child that longed for love but was starved for so long that it got used to the emptiness inside and now, as soon someone trues to show affection, he'll respond with verbal biting.

He's not an asshole by choice. Keeping his distance is the best defense to avoid getting attached.

Outside of Book 2, there's especially one event where he genuinely shows that he just wants to be seen: The Fairy Gala event (or better said his Fairy Gala Vignette). Vil pushed Leona further and further, nagging to no end and beyond until, at some point, Leona lashed out: "I've BEEN helping you out, and all you've done is find fault with every single thing I do. I followed your directions, and what did it get me? NOTHING. Not the slightest bit of progress." It might be my own interpretation of his words but I wholeheartedly believe that the whole Gala story reminded him of how nothing he ever does/did was ever good enough. It didn't matter what he did, it would never be enough. Vil kept nagging him, people at home keep seeing him as nothing more than the second prince, he was never enough. Which is also a reason why I believe he was so "full of himself" when he got the Fairies to be completely whipped: It was attention and appreciation for his work, for *him*. The Fairies didn't know he was Royalty, they didn't know he was the Housewarden of Savanaclaw, they knew nothing yet they were there, showing him attention and how much they loved his doing.

They gave a starving child the food it desperately needed.

If you're being constantly proven that nothing you do matters, if everything you've done is not enough, you slowly but surely stop trying. You stop trying because it doesn't matter anyways. You loose motivation, you end up in an endless circle of self-hatred and lack of motivation. You know you could and you'd know it would be good but it wouldn't be good enough, it wouldn't please anyone. Their judgmental eyes, their lack of praise, the lack of attention suffocates even the smallest amount of self-confidence and the pride you had in your own work. You stop trying because doing nothing at all hurts less than knowing it wasn't enough, again. Leona is smart and I have no doubts that he'd be actually an admirable Housewarden with excellent grades if it weren't for this huge issue in his mind. Additionally to that, I truly believe that he hadn't any intention of leaving school. In Night Raven, he was at least *someone*, he was Housewarden, the highest position in Savanaclaw. At home, he was no one and he had to deal with his family. Falenas part of the family shined brightly while he was the shadow, a dark disappointment. A nobody.

So why leave school? Why leave the only place where you were someone?

Many also dislike Leona for what he did to Ruggie. I don't blame them, I can understand their point but I think they often miss a point in his action: He didn't (only) do it for the sake of hurting Ruggie. Ruggie was/is his right hand, the probably closest person in Night Raven (Or his whole life, if we're being honest). Ruggie could've sucked up to many people - Even if it was only for Leonas money, Ruggie could've crawled up Kalims (Idias or even Rooks) butt or if it was for power, he could've gone for Malleus. But he didn't. His (seemingly) firstchoice was Leona.

Leona, out of all people.

Leona, the guy who starved.

And it was Ruggie, who saw Leona fail. Leona made a small mistake and their plan failed - And Ruggie knew it. He was there. So with all that has happened, the fact that Ruggie has seen his fall and I also believe that their very bond has turned uncomfortably sour in Leonas mind, so in the heat of events, there was only one solution: "If I fall, I'm dragging Ruggie down with me."

Additionally, I also believe that Leona instinctively took Ruggie simply because they could work things out in the case he was saved out of Leonas grip. Ruggie would have a problem with Leona for a certain period but in the end, he and Leona would still work together. In a slightly messed up way, he has shown confidence in their mutual trust (which has been proven later in Book 6).

Okay whew, now that I got my view on Leona out of my system, I'm adding some more Headcanons:

I can see him the kind of "I wanna unsubcribe of life but I ain't gonna do it myself".

One of the servants at home has a little daughter and she's the only one he's genuinely looking forward to see during holidays.

He pretends to not notice whenever something "disappeared" (via Ruggie) out of his room but knows. He just doesn't want to put himself nor Ruggie in the position of "You took that" (Secretly thinks "At least being Royalty has *some* positive aspects", aka helping Ruggie out with money without going out of his way to hand the money over to Ruggie. Kind of 'letting him hunt himself')

Has read an insane amount of books as a child (mainly to be by himself and escape reality).

If emotions overboil (which happens more often than expected from him), he lets them out when he's entirely alone (Still feels extremely ashamed after expressing emotions, even though no one noticed)

Does not own a single picture of himself - Neither as a child nor his current self. The only pictures/paintings existing are those his family wanted them to be done.

Despite saying he didn't remember how he got his scar, he knows. He knows and won't forget so easily (still has nightmares of it happening sometimes).

Everyone feared Leona as a child for the way he found his Unique Magic: As a child, he was practicing his magic when his father came a little too close to him and suddenly, the king experienced the very thing Ruggie went through: His skin began to crumble more by the second. Servants and doctors came rushing by, hoping to save the King but he would pass away shortly after from completely drying out.

I must add: I'm rather unhappy about the lost opportunity in Book 2, though. Leona is a well written character, but Disney didn't raise Book 2 high enough for Leona to reach his whole potential.

Edit: I forgot to mention that being compared to his brother countless times is bound to cause an unhealthy relationship with his brother, which can also result in further issues in Leonas' mental health. It doesn't matter how hard Falena will try to build up the relationship with Leona, they will (most likely) never have a "normal" sibling relationship.

#twisted wonderland #twst #leona kingscholar #leona kingscholar headcanons #twst headcanons #local x is cooking

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randomstranger24 · 21 days

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I’m certain a lot of people think I’m some deranged lunatic and will be skeptical and or just won’t believe anything I have to say. I totally get it and if it were me on the other end, I think I’d draw the same conclusion as well. It’s more than reasonable, but I promise there is a much bigger picture and I think you deserve to at least know another perspective.

Not sure where to begin. I’ll start off first by saying I won’t be referring to anyone’s names or occupations to conceal anyone’s identity including my own.

I owe a big apology not just to the BoC fans, but also to Mike and Marcus, not that they would even give a shit, but if so, I’m sure they’d hate my guts. Yes, I am the original creator of the “Thrift Store Tape" and no, I am of no relation to the brothers, (no surprise there). I do feel spiritually connected to their music though if that’s of any consequence? (no surprise there either) I’m sure they’ll never see this, but I realize I could be viewed as an untalented hack and a giant piece of shit. This, I understand and I accept it. I never had bad intentions, I promise that, but it’s like they always say, “The road to Hell is paved with good ones”.

Here’s how this entire thing got started. Regardless of what anyone might assume, I never in a million years set out to intentionally deceive people into believing this was some long lost BoC record. Hear me out and let me explain from the beginning.

For years prior to all of this, I have been experimenting with recording my musical creations onto VHS and cassette tapes in attempts to capture those warm fuzzy lofi aesthetics, but Sometimes the final product is actually disappointing because you’d be surprised how good VHS tapes actually hold sound. So, fast forward 2018, one of my housemates at the time, who was actually the one who helped manage a Red White And Blue thrift store. This was the catalyst of what sparked this idea in my head after my housemate mentioned all the blank VHS tapes that were being donated.

I Purchased a whole bin of tapes and started dubbing my music, (both old and new) onto the donated VHS tapes to send back to the thrift stores to be re-donated in efforts of someone finding them. Kind of like putting a message in a bottle and throwing it out to sea in hopes someone finds it. I would donate several of these VHS tapes and would leave my dubbed mixes over top of older shitty movies. I had the idea of rummaging through and curating all of my “Old Tunes” sound-alikes and Vaporwave tracks or anything sounding adjacent and placing them on several tapes.

I probably dubbed well over a hundred tapes over the years since 2018, both used and blanks

I ended up donating most of them to several different thrift stores. Mostly old generic shitty “dollar-bin” movies that nobody really wants and generic kids cartoons. I would never destroy a collectible VHS or anything of value, so no worries there, but I doubt anyone will ever find the ones sent out and even if they do, they’ll most likely throw it away or something. I have a few tapes that escaped that were made with music that accidentally got deleted years ago and I would pay top dollar to get back, but that’s another story for another day.

Anyway, So, my other friend (Not housemate), who, (we’ll just say, is an independent filmmaker of sorts) had the idea which kind of spawned from mine to do a found-footage VHS horror film project also known as “Analog Horror” or the genre at least. Now, keep in mind, this is the spring of 2020 during the height of the pandemic lockdown. So, time is all we had.

I had the idea of using an ARG for people to solve to lead them down a “Rabbit Hole” as part of an interactive movie project. It would start off pleasant and would progressively get more sinister and darker and even more disturbing the further down you went. My main intention and goal was to hopefully have this project be the subject of topic on a big name youtube channel like “Nexpo”. I figured the music and aesthetic would all be “Old Tunes- BoC-inspired” and would give it a more suitable twist. I figured any fans that would ever come across it would take notice instantly that it was “BoC-inspired” or at least the music. I also figured the BoC cover tracks would add a few disturbing layers to the mystique of this “Rabbit Hole” mystery. especially since we wanted to catch those "Backrooms" "Liminal Space" vibes.

I’m sure folks will be skeptical and that’s okay, but just hear me out on this and yes, I’d be thinking the same way too, so I certainly do understand any skepticism.

Originally, the inspiration for the name “Strange Soup” Mixtape was used in the original upload in efforts to connect ties to this twisted bizarrely disturbing video titled “Blank Room Soup (Dark Web Video)”.

Now, you can do a google search about this video. It was a strange mysterious viral sensation for quite a few years after emerging on 4chan and has been a part of other “Rabbit Holes”. We ended up deleting the original video so that another one could be uploaded in place of it.

The idea was to incorporate it as part of this story, but we needed to scratch other ideas altogether because the numbers did not properly equate to the letters we needed to start the ARG and time was running out. We also needed the upload date to fall in line with the project. The creation of these ARG’s are not easy to create. Believe me when I tell you. I’m just some uneducated moron, so figuring this stuff out took trial and error. Even with the help of my friend.

Now, if all would have gone as planned, we would have opened another account uploading another tape in connection with the thrift store tape. We were in search of materials to craft out costumes like the one’s seen in the “Blank Room Soup” video and wanted to utilize the office space at my friend's school.

Originally, this is how this should have all played out in order for this horror project to have worked. We needed The first video to be uploaded at a certain date in order to maintain validity for the ARG storyline so it could be incorporated into the film project. The goal from the start was never to deceive people into believing this was a “long-lost BoC record”. I’ll explain more below.

The next step, after a week or two, was to have all of us post the link to the video in “thrift store finds facebook groups” in order to drum up the mystery. He and I shared the link on a few of the forums online such as Reddit and so on. The forums had absolutely nothing to do with music or ARG’s. Just thrift store finds and VHS collector’s groups. We wanted to build the mystery up and clue people in eventually. The original video sat on youtube for quite some time. It had like maybe 60-75 views after a month. That view count just stayed stagnant. Then one day in, I think late March out of nowhere, I got the messages in the comments. They were friendly at first with some people just mentioning it was “Boards of Canada”. I thought to myself, “Oh shit, they found the video”. Soon the view count just kept on climbing and Soon enough some folks started becoming hostile. I convinced my housemate to make a response video explaining everything. We all thought this was the best course of action because of how unbiased he’ll be for the simple fact, he has no idea who BoC is (Well, he does now lol) and he is not a musician, like, at all haha.

Me and my filmmaker friend were excited at first that at least we had an audience now and could run with it. So I figured the response video my housemate put out would quell any outrage and save our project in order to move forward but, boy, was I dead wrong.

The views kept climbing up and the comments kept coming. People were becoming hostile and outraged. Things got way too real and I started to panic slightly. I have a bad anxiety disorder and it triggered it for sure. I just had all these thoughts like, “What if I get sued by the band?” I had nightmares of the brothers coming after me and them telling me how much of a piece of shit I am.

BoC fans are some of the craftiest people you’ll ever come across, lemme tell ya lol.

They had somehow figured out the metadata from the original deleted video that was uploaded months prior. After it was confirmed and revealed to me they could dig this info up, I was in a full blown panic attack. I started hyperventilating. I messaged my buddy and told him what was up. He was against it at first, but I told him, “hey I have to delete this whole channel, they’re going to find out where I live next and who I am!” I just had the worst thoughts imaginable.

So, I hit the “Killswitch” button and within minutes it all vanished like a bad dream. I was genuinely worried at first that I could potentially face legal backlash, but my friend explained to me that I wasn't out there putting any BoC label on it or even labeling the tracks and attempting to make any money from it.

Some time had passed and the dust settled a little bit. I was kind of shocked to see people had ripped the original audio from the video and were sharing it to facebook and reddit and soon uploaded to Youtube. The “Dan Fingerman” channel was the first to reupload as I read through the comments and to my surprise they were all mostly positive. Some people thought for sure the music was BoC and others were skeptical, but most of them didn’t believe for a second, but yet still they kept talking about how much they enjoyed it. Even “David Firth” the creator of “Salad Fingers” left a comment at some point stating he liked the music, but didn’t care for the BS backstory. I was so happy that this music that had been sitting around for years on end had finally found a home somewhere.

This music is only meant for a small niche audience. Most folks will not appreciate it. I think where I really fucked up, was becoming addicted to the excitement of seeing people enjoy the music that I had accumulated over a decade. Believe me when I tell you, there is more where that all came from. It is ridiculous the hundreds of unfinished or hidden tracks I have stored on several harddrives, VHS and cassette tapes, but I am happy to finally put it all to bed today.

Here’s where I need to really step up and take accountability for my ignorance and selfishness.

Again, I was truly happy that people were actually enjoying the music so I did a foolish thing and ran with it like an idiot. All the hate and backlash that I will receive after all of this is all well deserved. Yes, I’m a giant loser, I'm an idiot, a talentless hack with no life. I’ll take the “L”. I just wanted to purge the last of this music and put an end to all of it once and for all. I think this was much needed and I can now move on with my life and stop obsessing over creating music that sounds like BoC. I can go back to writing and producing dark progressive black and death metal like I once used to lol.

The day I discovered BoC’s music is the day it changed my life forever and how I saw the world through a new lens. I became obsessed with wanting to replicate their sound. I think it is more than relevant to talk about it to help illustrate my madness.

Growing up in my teen years I was an extreme metal fanatic. I listened to a lot of black and death metal bands and played in many metal bands as a guitarist. My biggest influences were bands like Slayer, Immortal, Death, Opeth, Dimmu Borgir, Gorgoroth, Deicide, Iron Maiden, Judas Priest. You name it, If it was extreme, I was probably into them. I wanted nothing to do with any music that wasn’t extreme metal. I was very narrow-minded back then. That’s not to say I’m no longer a fan of metal, I’m just not as closed off as I used to be.

As the years went on, I would watch my favorite front men from the most prolific metal bands give interviews and mention their musical influences and would always be blown away by how far away from metal their influences actually were. One of them would mention Radiohead in multiple interviews and naturally I got curious and started trying out “Radiohead" and soon fell in love with Thom Yorke’s experimentations. I think this is where my taste began to shift. I started getting into the “chill trip-hop’ genres and bands like Portishead, producers like DJ Shadow, Flying Lotus, and J Dilla. So pretty much the recipe for being receptive to BoC was already in the making.

Eventually I stopped playing in bands after I learned how to play every instrument: Bass, Piano, drums and so on. It just got too hectic with everyone’s schedules to keep the dedication. I wanted so badly to learn how to write, record, and produce my own music. At the time I had a friend who used “Frooty Loops” to make Industrial beats, but that was about it and he would never teach me how to use the program. I wanted so badly to make my own black metal album and perform and record all the instruments as well as sing vocals.

“Opeth’s” front man Mikael Akerfeldt influenced me in other directions from the metal genre and

I eventually outgrew those desires and over time I became more interested in collecting vintage things like vhs camcorders, tape players, and record players. This really set the stage for me. Some years later, I was surfing Youtube in 2008 in search of videos on the drug `DMT" and a slideshow video of psychedelic imagery started playing and that’s when I was introduced to BoC's "Roygbiv" for the first time. As I was listening, it was like something inside of me was born. I’ll never forget that day.

Now, I grew up in the 80’s and I distinctly remember “PBS” and the shows that would air back then like Reading Rainbow and Sesame Street. As I’m listening to Roygbiv, I was in this state of disbelief. How did they manage to pull that off? These sounds of rich warm vintage analog tones of the mid 70’s TV bumpers on public broadcasting networks. It took me right back to my childhood and unlocked this part of me that had been missing my entire life. I had shivers down my spine. From that moment, I instantly fell in love. I just had to find out who the creator of this music was. I did some digging and one comment read the band name and I sought out more of their music. The next track I listened to was “Bocuma" and it buried into my soul even deeper. I had both tracks on repeat all day. It took me back to the simple days of my childhood of the early 80’s. I just had to find out what software they were using. I wanted to learn how one could possibly recreate something of the past with such an unreal haunting aesthetic.

I eventually found out this music was released in 1998 and that, of itself blew my mind as well.

I was so certain the music was from the present day using “present-day-computer-technology”.

Eventually, I got my hands on a computer and started to dabble in music production and also learned how to convert analog to digital and vise/versa. I had read on multiple forums and interviews of how they could achieve their signature sound and naturally I followed.

I would damage and degrade tapes to record on them and I had some incredible results and as mentioned before, a lot of disappointment because VHS has such a good HIFI sound. Almost better than any digital.

I would fall asleep and dream of melodies and try to figure them out. It got to a point where it plagued everything I did musically. Everything I would make would always end up sounding similar to their music. This is why I am happy today, to purge the last of it and move on with my life.

Am I mentally ill? Perhaps? Am I a lunatic? Far from it, but I needed to get all this out of my system. I am sorry for everything and I hope you can just enjoy the music for what it is. It was never about clout or recognition. I'm not here to profit financially. All I ever wanted was it all to find a home. Thank you so much for even listening and giving it the time. I owe so much to them. They opened my eyes to a whole other artistic realm. Special thanks and gratitude all goes to the brothers for all the inspiration over the many years. Thank you Mike and Marcus. Your music has settled deep within my heart and I will take it to the grave. Thank you so much and Thank all of you for all your kind words that I probably don’t deserve. Thank you for taking the time to read. I am so grateful.

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luverz-exe · 2 years

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Yandere Scp 076 with a D-Class Falsely convicted S/O

Don't you find it funny that I posted this uncompleted, deleted it before anyone could see it, then never saved it anywhere else, which therefore makes all the progress I made disappear, including the request? Yeah, me too. Starting over sucks.

× Weak, that's all you seem to be to Abel. You, someone so quiet, ending up in a place like this, where the horrors of the world are hidden beyond public eye, it seemed strange to him. He felt pity for a poor soul such as yourself, you would probably not make another year within the confines of this hellhole.

× But when he finds out you were here for a crime, one of murder nonetheless, he was automatically suspicious of whether someone like you is even capable of such a crime, or if this is a facade you put up to gain pity. It's pretty obvious to him though that some fowl play was used to get you in here.

× Instantly now claims himself to protect you, and will train you to not let people walk over you. Your quiet nature makes you practically a doormat, and he's going to fix that! Nobody will interrupt these training sessions, seeing as though it's something he enjoys that doesn't involve brutally murdering people. Besides, he'd kill them instantly, and then make you use their body as a punching bag. So it's for the best.

"You must focus, combat is an art form. Now watch as I strike this foe down, watch and see how my stance changes."

× Your innocent nature isn't necessarily a bad thing, but can sometimes prove itself to be a bit disappointing. You are by no means a warrior, not yet at least. You have potential, he can work with that. Your attitude will have to change a little, but that's alright! You are someone who calms him, and that's good enough as of now.

× Able's protectiveness and obsessiveness is obvious, but he will deny this obsession. He's fallen into impulsive decisions before, one's where he thought he could let his guard down and then he... He won't let it happen again. And so his yandere tendencies will go mostly unused. Until you get hurt in front of him or he sees the aftermath of the damage done.

× He's losing his shit, nothing will stop him from killing, not even you. And once he's killed enough to cool off some steam, he's holding you tight. He made a mistake, but he'll fix it, he promises. You weren't meant to be a warrior, he sees that clearly. But it's okay, he'll be the one to protect you from now on. Don't even worry about it, cause he knows what to do now. He won't ever let you out of his sight again.

"Shhh, it's alright. Nothing can harm you now. I made sure of it."

#yandere #yandere fanfiction #yandere x reader #yandere scp foundation #scp x reader #scp fanfiction #yandere x you #yandere scp #yandere headcanons

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arachnixe · 1 year

Text

Not A Person

"It's kinda romantic, don't you think?" the mechanic asks, staring at the massive combat unit.

"What's that?"

She just gestures again to the powered-off weapon, and I scratch my head, not seeing the romance in the machine equipped with such terrifying firepower.

"Big scary thing like this, you'd think they'd be as self-sufficient as anything, yeah?" she continues. "But they're still not made to fight alone, y'know. They got partners, every one o' them. Somewhere out there is one made just for them."

I shrug. "You make it all sound like more than it really is. They're all manufactured the same; we just test them for performance variance, bin them, pair them to match up their capabilities, and write the calibration data for each one to its counterpart's firmware."

"We play matchmaker," she says with a wide smile, hand placed on the machine in a gesture that seems strangely affectionate.

"It's just optimization," I respond, only half paying attention while tapping at the keyboard to check my script's progress.

"Whatever you wanna call it. If one dies, the other can't just plug 'n play with any ol' unit, yeah?"

"I don't know about 'plug and play,'" I mutter, chewing my lip thoughtfully and ignoring that weapons don't "die" per se, "but there's a built-in recalibration procedure on the E side."

"No shit?"

The script is working, but I keep watching for signs of someone out there taking notice. "It'll process their mutual deltas and upload the diff to the X. Firmware's read-only after burn in, so both will have to deal with a little lag every boot when applying the patch, but…"

She interrupts, "they can find a new partner, but can't forget their first. See? Romantic."

"Back-ups corrupted," I announce, briefly switching topic to update her on my progress. "Time to tickle the automated checks to trick them into restoring from the bad data."

The mechanic laughs. "And here you're always accusing me of usin' human terms for machines!"

"Figuratively tickle. I do not actually anthopomorphize mindless automated alerts like you do these war machines."

"And yet here you are," she says, arms folded, smirk aimed squarely at me. "Helpin' me save them 'fore they get scrapped."

"Here I am," I agree, "forging shipping requests, deleting records, and hoping to keep a bunch of war machines from getting destroyed."

"Lotta risk to take to save them if you don't think they're people, yeah?"

"Not as big a risk as you took that time you broke in to a guarded, secret facility to physically extract a new infiltrator-class prototype. This network security is a joke."

She shrugs. "Wasn't too bad. They gave me the clearance to work on their hardware. They got comfortable with me. Just had to act all serious and in a hurry, and nobody asked questions. More surprised they never came for me after."

"Perhaps someone was watching out for you."

"Guess so. They sure were panicking, alright. Still hadn't finished testing the limits of that active camo array, worryin' about the enemy getting their hands on them."

"They hadn't worked out all the potential applications, so they had no idea how to evaluate the risk," I muse.

I must admit that it is rather amusing to imagine those researchers, normally so full of themselves, in a wild panic trying to identify the worst-case scenarios.

"Yep. That was the first one I freed, but they sure weren't the last, were they?" She pauses, reflecting on the nearly empty warehouse we occupy, with just one last shipment prepped for one last unit. "Dunno where they went after I helped them, y'know. Safer if I don't, I figure."

"Good opsec, yes." The script is almost done. I queue up our last X-Model for loading into the truck. "You'll want to step away from that one in a moment."

She does, and soon a mechanical arm traces a path on its ceiling track to the powered down unit.

"Hope they're happy, wherever they ended up," she says. "People deserve happiness, not just gettin' thrown away just 'cause a treaty says so."

"Not a person," I insist, watching the script conclude with perfect timing as the arm loads the hulking X-Model onto the truck.

"If you really don't think they're people, then why the hell are you helping?"

She climbs into the truck, joining the last of the huge machines, and I follow.

I sit in silence, trying to put my thoughts together, with only the the rumble of the engine filling the space between us as the truck carries us to safety.

Philosophy is not my strong suit. Hacking? Sure. Sneaking into places I shouldn't have access to? Easy. Becoming whoever I need to be to earn someone's trust? Nothing out there is better than me.

Self-expression? I'm still learning.

"I just think we do not need to be people to deserve life."

#Empty Spaces #mechs #combat dolls #my writing #repost

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the-phantom-author · 3 months

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i personally can’t stop thinking about popstar!gf performing vampire or smth at the grammys to kind of “end” that era and she maybe announces late that grammys night she’s going to release Tortured Poets Department. (especially with how the tides seem to be turning on taylor, there seems to have been a huge shift in public opinion almost??)

this is gonna become her darker era. while maybe guts was the anger, TPD is the sadness, the acceptance, the moving on. the making fun of exes. i think guts came out before or just as she’s meeting hasan. then while she’s hanging out with hasan and just living the single life, thinking back on how STUPID things were. how she let someone dull her sparkle, someone who wanted her not be a singer/songwriter (cue song “my boy only breaks his favourite toys” and “i can do it with a broken heart” or “the smallest man who ever lived”)

hasan helps her heal and move past that awful relationship, someone she maybe gave a few years of her life to, she’s no longer angry, she’s understanding how badly she was affected and now is gonna poke fun at him. (side note: apparently joe alwyn who is taylor’s ex, had a group chat with some friends called the tortured man club, so in this scenario, popstars ex has one and she’s 100% making fun of it)

and while she’s beginning to work on reputation before even releasing this (she’s already written things like call it what you want and delicate, etc) when TPD releases her fans go crazy for it but the media is gonna eat her alive. basically anything people are criticizing taylor for (that’s not actually valid) is how things are happening for her.

people calling her a snake, trying to cancel her, etc etc etc etc.

which THISSSS leads into the reputation era. she’s not trying to be seen by anybody. they want her gone so bad? fine. say no more. she’s an attention seeker because she lets the charities she works with publicize that she’s helping out? (even though she’s just wanting to drive more eyes to that cause) fine, she’ll stop being public, donate anonymously and move on.

and even avoids the spotlight anytime hasan is in it. she’s not trying to be on stream or the pod, no tiktok’s, no reacts, no instagrams, nothing. hasan will mention her in passing. if someone asks if she’s okay, he assures everyone she’s doing alright, they’re still together and very happy together, she’s just going through some stuff so leave her alone.

not seen for at least almost a year. she deletes socials, just tries to focus on writing and building her relationship with hasan, reading, working on her craft. plotting revenge.

after a longgg time. she’s back. she surprise drops the entire album with no explanation. (because , THERE WILL BE MORE EXPLANATION, THERE WILL JUST BE REPUTATION!) and the internet is going up in FLAMES. chat is CRAZY.

because she’s really coming for everyone on it:

-i don’t trust nobody and nobody trusts me! i’ll be the actress starring in your bad dreams!

-so i took an axe to a mended fence

-this ain’t for the best, my reputations never been worse so you must like me for me

-the world moves on, another day another drama drama, but not for me , not for me all i think about is karma! and then the world moves on but one things for sure!!! maybe i got mine but!! you’ll!! all!! get !!! yours!!

like literally look what everyone made her do!!!!!!!!!

but also at the end of the day, it’s a love album. because when nobody was standing by her, hasan was.

-even in my worst times, you could see the best of me

-even in my worst lies, you saw the truth in me

-all the liars are calling me one, nobody’s heard from me for months, i’m doing better than i ever was.

-baby let the games begin!!!!

him being here before during and after a public downfall shows how much he loves her and is gonna stand by her. (SORRY FOR THE NOVEL!!!!)

The way I know I can't much to this becuase God is it great.

I'm so happy that we were thinking the same thing about album progression with popstar!gf. Rep immediately after Guts seemed a bit weird, but to have TPD be in the middle of of them fits in just right.

As for the the ex who dulled her spark. I'm almost thinking someone who wanted to be married, like they've been together for about a year or two, and he just goes for it. He mentions that he wants her to be a little house wife, and doesn't want her writing anymore music or performing for any reason. Obviously, our girl said no.

But yes, TPD is all about her acceptance with how unbelievably dumb she was for letting man do ever he did to her. It's about just how messy that relationship was. And just how below her, and everyone really, her ex is. So yeah, TDP has moments where it gets petty and it's just belittling him a bit, becuase why wouldn't it.

And that's why people start calling her a snake, and trying to cancel her. She gets in details on the album, she goes into details while in interviews, and people men don't understand how she could be so blunt about her experiences with her ex. They don't why she would ever make fun of someone she dated in such a public way.

And that is how Rep goes from her only album to have song about how che loves someone, to essentially a revenge album.

#i second everything you said #hasanabi #hasanabi x reader #hasan x reader #popstar!gf #bohogothic

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musingmelsuinesmelancholy · 6 months

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This is gunna be a personal and ramble-y blog, fair warning! Really just using this as a means to organize my thoughts.

I started practicing traditional witchcraft at a weird time; right before it got popular (not that I’m special, I am Just Some Bitch) and everyone jumped on the “I hate Wiccans my witchcraft is so edgy and traditional ™️” bandwagon. I had been extremely new age prior; that summer I had stopped “practicing”. (I don’t consider what I was doing then Wicca or witchcraft) I was in a fragile state due to my (ex now) boyfriend raping me. (how’s that erectile dysfunction treating you Matthew?) I don’t know why, but l was Called via some rather visceral dream-vision experiences. I had no real knowledge, skills or abilities to allow me to understand what I was seeing nor why. I bought some books over tradcraft, I think treading the mill, a Cornish book of ways and a grimoire for modern cunning folk were my firsts, and they did help- but they also left me confused. I didn’t understand the ~current~ behind these various authors traditions. I didn’t understand how one could practice traditional witchcraft outside of Europe. The skills I was lacking, that I wanted to cultivate weren’t within the pages of those books. (GMDF DID go over technique/methodology more than the other two books I had but it wasn’t exactly what I needed)

I turned to tumblr for answers. (horrible fucking idea!) I did get some, some folks were able to answer some of my questions and i’ll always be grateful for their help. Overall it fucked me over, I kept comparing myself to popular bloggers with decades more experience than me. I didn’t participate in discourse but I definitely got swept up in it. “Ok so THIS is what trad witches do” “Oh no wait THIS is what they do” 🤦🏼‍♂️ I got so frustrated, so confused I allowed myself to halt my progression. I definitely bothered some bloggers, asked and said some S T U P I D things.

I think my being PDA autistic also contributed. My thinking is literal and dualistic, I struggle with executive dysfunction and I’m bad at talking to people/explaining myself. So I went from a very wishy washy paradigm to a very strict astringent one. Only I had no knowledge so I felt like I couldn’t and shouldn’t do anything until I’m researched enough. The problem with that is witchcraft is an action, it is the doing. It’s not the research. Results are nice but that’s not the witchcraft, the witchcraft is the performing of the spell. I went from believing that as long as I say sorry everything is fine; the gods/spirits won’t care to understanding that my mistakes and inconsistency do matter. So I thought that I had fucked up too badly and ruined any chance I had. The craft became a demand which triggered my ED and my flight/fight responses ( thank you PDA autism ). There was discourse at the time about disabled witches, you had more new age types saying the same shit about how anything goes/everything/anything is fine, you had more serious occultists saying no, it’s ableist to treat disabled occultists like babies. I agree with the latter, of course, but at the time rather than understanding that I had to work with/around my ED I just tried to power through it which just made me burnout. I thought this was laziness and again, that I had ruined my relationships with the spirits. I worried too much about mucking things up further or being “punished”.

Despite all that I was still experiencing very real, very tangible, very intense things. Seeing spirits- awake or dreaming, actual results from my spells, signs/omens/dreams. He continued to come to me- even answering questions, relieving anxieties/doubts. Yet still I returned again and again and again to tumblr. I should’ve continued on with what I was doing and deleted the app. Nobody but me and the spirits has answers for me, nobody could tell me what I was experiencing meant or what direction I was to go in. That’s for the spirits to tell me, that’s for me to figure out.

I’m in a better place now, I understand things better now. I’ve learned to work with my ED. I’m learning to be nuanced in my approach to things. I’m analyzing, digesting everything I’ve experienced- listening to Them now. I know where I’m headed…kinda- I am heeding Their direction.

My experiences may not be as consistently crazy or mind-blowing as they where those first few years but they don’t need to be. I was shown, I was told where to go. I’m finally listening, the signs are more subtle now but they’re there. They are there, still. I don’t know if I’ll “make it” (what even does that mean) as a witch. I’ll definitely never succeed if I continue on as I was prior, I need to push myself. To actually to The Thing.

#traditional witchcraft #folk magic #magic #magick #tradcraft #witch #folklore #occult #traditional craft #witchcraft #personal #blog #ramble #spiritually #spirituality

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idreamtofmanderleyagain · 3 months

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Honestly the more I see fellow folks on the left devolve into unhinged rage/fear rants about whatever the new viral issue of the day is, the more deeply frustrated I get with people's inability to consider anything carefully these days.

Everything is emotionally dialed up to 11, nobody is able to sit with a difficult topic without escalating into fearmongering and blame and buzzword salad. We reject complex and difficult conversations that grapple with realities we don't want to hear, especially if they make us examine ourselves critically. Our ability to productively organize is so completely broken.

This isn't about anything specific, I'm just seeing it happen repeatedly across the board again. Tried to delete my twitter today (the rage bait algorithm combined with unhinged posting is particularly heinous on there) but I don't remember my password and the old email account is broken so I guess I'm trapped.

Sometimes I wonder just how deep information warfare has actually totally destabilized productive progressive movement for younger folks.

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springcatalyst · 9 months

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something about merle and daryls relationship to religion (particularly christianity)

oops this turned out long. readmore time for yalls sanity and my dignity

it's never actually mentioned, but they both seem to have had a rather christian upbringing. it's safe to assume, because they're in the deep south, but its evident in the ways they interact with the presence of religion and with themselves.

when merle is handcuffed to the roof, hes crying about how he deserves this, about how hes being punished, hes been bad and this is what he gets. he pleads with god for mercy before ultimately telling him he doesnt need his help. this is something we can imagine he is familiar with. hes used to the concepts of divine (or otherwise) punishment, violence and pain as something deserved, a consequence of behaving badly. he seems very used to "this is what you get." and ultimately when he pleads for mercy his prayers go unanswered. this is a familiar script, or at least it was. god never helped him before. hes been punished before. he'll get out of this one on his own, just like all the rest. (he uses the exact same line "I ain't gonna beg" with the governor before hes killed: this is something familiar to him). merle quotes from the bible with hershel in season 3: he knows it. not only knows it, but remembers it. he's held onto it

and then daryl. who is so averse, so mocking of christianity and those who follow it. his casual snide remarks whenever hes in a church, making clear his distaste for the whole affair. his disdain with gabriel for a long while after they meet him. ("the word of god is the only protection I need" "sure didnt look like it.") he sees the lie in it all, while it seems like merle still buys into it, even if he doesn't try to follow it anymore, he knows the punishment that will catch up to him and to others. merle frequently damns others to hell. he inflicts punishment, or the deserving of it, as easily as he understands it for himself. daryl, though, has been disillusioned, at the very least. he sees it as nothing more than a tool to manipulate and lie to the people that believe in it. best case scenario, religion to him is a false hope that will never reach fruition. worst case, it's a manipulative power play meant to keep people in line where 'in line' means subservient. its foolish: a waste of time, to him.

theres a deleted scene where he finds a man dead in a prayer room, and he mocks him for all the good his prayers did. for all the answers he found for his trouble. in season 4, after the prison falls, he says something along the lines of 'faith never did anything for us.' he and merle, though their reasons are different, both see prayer and faith (and as a tangent, hope in general) as a useless tact, nothing gained, nobody will ever answer, you're just fooling yourself. nobody is going to save you but you. and when you say it like that, you know exactly how they got there. these are two characters who frequently have been only out for themselves, only able to rely on themselves, anything outside of that is bound to let them down, to variant degrees of harm. plenty of their own prayers must have gone unanswered. nobody saves them but them.

I legally cant talk about the dixon brothers' relationship to christianity without also talking about carol. she has a lot of similar perspectives as the two of them, but we see her in both sides. when the show begins she still appears to believe in god, and when sophia goes missing she takes that time in the church to pray to him. she says god can punish her however he wants as long as he doesnt hurt sophia. she, too, expects punishment in the form of violence and grief when she behaves badly or, in this case, even thinks things she supposedly shouldn't. here, she had a similar relationship to religion as merle does- she still believes in god: more specifically, a wrathful one. as the seasons progress, though, we see her lose that faith and shift to something closer to daryl's perspective. we see her disillusionment in real time as she sees worse and worse things and is subject to worse and worse environments. but she never really stops behaving as if she is deserving of punishment.

her and Daryl are similar in this way: while merle outright says it, accepts his supposed punishment, and then continues doing whatever he has to and whatever he wants to, carol and daryl operate under the same kind of threat but they dont really realize it. when they do things they deem worthy of punishment, whatever harm comes their way as a result- or even unrelated but soon after (and it's the walking dead, things always happen)- they kind of accept it. daryl allows himself to be treated the way he is in the savior compound, yes because he had no immediate out, but also because he felt like he deserved it. dwight gives him that photograph to really hammer home how he got here, and daryl lets it happen, to an extent. after Henry's death, carol goes off the deep end and doesnt care what happens to her. if not for lydia, she would have gone right over the edge of that cliff because it's what she felt like she deserved, like a righteous end to a life shes been leading poorly. they live under the same eye as merle, but it's more abstract with them. rather than being punished by god, they're being punished by fate, or karma, or luck. it's very 'you get what you deserve' with them, because their disillusionment prevents them from blaming an entity, so in its place they blame themselves.

I think that's the only other option they see, and its part of the reason they are both so different from merle. merle can still blame this outside force, can shove all his problems onto something out of his control that isnt his fault but can be resented for it, so he becomes this hateful, violent person because the one thing hes really angry with is untouchable. daryl and carol lack that, and cant blame anybody else because they are the only common denominator, so it instead turns inward. they hurt other people less because of this, but it's still not healthy, and so in their place they're hurting themselves more.

I have to think they are all intimately familiar with god as a reason. as a justification for damage or an unattainable perfect form that when fallen short of, is punished for. merle still operates on this warped justice system, on punishment for bad behavior (reinforced by his many experiences with prison and the military), while daryl has rejected it entirely. merle still buys into it, but daryl sees it as nothing more than that justification, than that false sense of security. neither trusts god, or religion, or christianity, but the difference I think is that merle still feels the eye of it, while daryl feels the absence.

#the walking dead #daryl dixon #merle dixon #carol peletier #watched more twd with the roomie. thinkin bout CHARACTERS #i wrote this forever ago actually but i decided u get it now. because im thinkin again #hmmmmmmmmm ANYWAY #Merle literally sucks so much ass but he's SO INTERESTING. fuck him but hes a fascinating character #and u KNOW i love analyzing sibling dynamics. ESPECIALLY unhealthy ones. ehehehe #anyway bedtime now. i work in the morning yeehaw

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