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mywritingonlyfans · 3 years

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ok i spent 20 minutes trying to find my angst prompts christ

so a long while ago (think before iwbys mv dropped) i share some angst prompts of what i think each of the band members would be anxious about

we are picking up damiano cause i am writing about him in parallel to this

i had made the assumption of damiano always overworking himself to succeed. he sees overworking himself is the only way he will trully have any chances to produce great work

"i feel like damiano is more likely to stress work, like burning himself out cause he thinks thats when he does his best work." to quote myself lmao.

personally, when im overworked i tend to be mor aggravated and moody, snapping easily and feeling sad and shitty

so imagine as his s/o, you see damiano working on lyrics from home over the winter. he sits on the couch, scribbling furiously every few minutes in a notebook of some kind

the next morning, you wake up and damiano isnt in bed. and he wasnt there when you went to sleep last night

so you go to the living room and he is sitting in pretty much the same spot, coffee on the table and a cigarette burning in the ashtray

you ask him about and he says he did sleep but woke up early to work

you doubt it at first but then you decide to believe him.

the entire day, dami is just sitting on the same spot on the couch, he hasn't moved in a certain 7 hours and he still is scribbling in that lyric notebook.

after some persuation he eats something and drinks something other than energy drinks or coffee (water) but he goes back to work instantly after that.

you understand he has to work but you are still mad that he is working non stop, giving almost no attention to you

you go to bed earlier that day, and you wait for him to come to bed until around 2am, when you lost hope and slept.

the next morining he is still there, with the addition of too many cans of energy drinks and too many finished cigarettes.

he actually looks dead and you try and talk to him but he doenst even aknowledge you.

for the entire day you tried to get dami to eat something or drink some water or to go lay down but he just shakes his head and works on the lyrics.

at this point hes been working non-stop for 3 days consecutively and you are worried

by night he keeps sighing loudly and scribbling on the notebook, getting mad at himself, sometimes even softly hitting his head. you know its from frustration but you couldn't break him out of the mindset. you had talked to vic and she had told you about this 'state'

at some point while you are sitting inside the bedroom, on your phone, you hear damiano curse very loudly after something fell on the floor.

you thought it was just a glass, so you got up to clean up and you just see damiano sitting on the godforsaken couch, this time looking down at the floor where water was spilt and where some tissues lay

(tw blood and mention of intrusive thoughts) (i am self projecting yes shush)

when you go there there you see the tissues on the floor also had ink on them

it was weird and it was weirder there was so much ink you could see from the kitchen

you go there and damiano is covered in water and ink, and on top of it, his hands are bleeding.

that was a traumatising sight in and of itself but seeing him with tear stained eyes made it worse

you slowly help him up from the couch to the bathroom to help him wash off the ink and to see why his hands were bleeding

while you tried to clean the ink from his chest, he explained how he was so stressed cause he forgot a deadline with the band (it was the next day)

so he pulled 3 all nighters to hopefully get different drafts of some lyrics, and every day he was slower but he didn't allow himself to rest in any way cause his brain thought it would slow him.

as a coping mechanism he would scratch his hands a lot, hence why they were bleeding, especially where his tattoes are

he couldn't get work done since his in his mind "finish the song, meet the deadline, no matter what" played on repeat and he was really mad at himself and thought he just sucked at lyrics

he was so worried about not meeting the dealine and disappointing the others that he didnt allow himself to do anything but try and write lyrics, all because his stressed brain made him think the others would be really mad at him and hate him (yay anxiety)

he bit down on his pen too hard while he was thinking and broke it, and got his face covered in ink

he still didnt want to get up so he tried to take it off with tissues and water but he dropped the cup and the water.

he didnt want to bother you either cause he knew you would try to break his 'concentration' (anxiety fueled all nighters) and he wouldnt get anything done, plus he thought you were mad at him for ignoring you while he worked

this whole time you were washing the ink off you re-assured him constantly, both about himself and the band members forgiving him for the dealine, and also about his self worth as a lyric composer

then you help him out of the bath and to your bedroom, putting some cream on the irritated skin to help it somehow heal and you forced him to stay bedbound while you cleaned up

then you go lay with him and obligatory cuddles ensue

he falls alseep almost instantly and you just sit there petting his hair, still in disbelief cause you didn't know damiano got so stressed so bad

you made a mental note to always supervise him when he seemed stressed

it scared me a but but it looks good, i mean worryingly good... you're doing great babe!!!

#måneskin #maneskin talk

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cultofbeatles · 4 years

Text

beginners guide to the beatles

made one of these a long time ago but i'm surprised by how short it was. so here we go again. doing it right this time lol.

pov: you told a bad joke and now the beatles are judging you.

john winston lennon. later in his life known as john winston ono lennon.

born on october 9, 1940

i believe in astrology bc how does john just happen to be a libra

when john was four he started living with his aunt mimi who acted more as his mother figure

his mother, julia, remarried and would visit him quite a bit.

it was julia who taught john how to play banjo and piano. and she bought his first guitar.

they both had a deep love for music and rock n roll

he never really thought of her as his mother but more as a cool friend i suppose

aunt mimi was more rough on him and did the disciplining

his father was never really present growing up and his uncle passed away when he was young

he thought he was a curse for the men in his family

he had five half siblings. two of them, julia and jacqueline, he was pretty close to. the other three he barely knew.

fashion icon.

hated school but loved art

very early on he was insecure with himself

teachers always shit on him and said he would go nowhere in life

he met paul at a church fete on july 6, 1957

paul taught him how to play guitar properly.

once told paul that he didnt know how paul carried on after his mother died bc he just didn't think he could do it

john’s mother died from being hit by an off duty policemen. john was seventeen at the time.

he took her death really hard and became a bit of a recluse.

first serious relationship was with cynthia (we stan her)

once cynthia cut her hair short and he didn't talk to her for two days.

hate men. kill all men.

when he asked her to dance at a party she turned him down saying that she was engaged, and so he said “well i didn't ask you to fucking marry me, did i?”

slapped her once bc he was drunk and another boy was talking to her.

only time her hit her.

read cynthia’s books about john pls. i beg.

once a psychic told him that he would be shot in the states.

founder of the beatles and also came up with the name.

instruments he could play: guitar, harmonica, rhythm guitar, banjo, keyboard, piano, saxophone, bass guitar, and a little drums.

main songwriter in the beatles along with paul.

was more open minded to change in the beatles music.

was insecure in his relationship with paul after a while bc he thought he only needed him for songwriting.

would bitch about paul all day long but the second anyone else said something about him he’d be on their ass.

had a lot of issues and needed a good hug.

suffered from eating disorders, drug addictions, depression, insecurities, and questioned his sexuality bc of the time.

was super open minded and ahead of his time in many instances.

once he was called “the fat beatle” and after that he stopped eating as much.

truly loved his first son, julian lennon, and would buy him presents all the time bc he was excited to see him play with them.

“your famous ex husband”

he enjoyed playing monopoly.

he once claimed that he saw a ufo.

he had written three books but he always wanted to write a children's book.

the last song he ever performed in front of a live audience was “i saw her standing there.” with elton john.

he was afraid of the dark.

found out later in his life that he was dyslexic.

was also legally blind without glasses.

never could catch a break huh.

said that his best lyric ever was “all you need is love” i agree.

the first time yoko and john met was not at her art exhibit but actually when she approached him about giving away songs for free.

wanted to write a musical with paul.

once a friend dared him to masturbate ten times in one day and he managed to do it nine times.

would hold circle jerks with paul and a few other friends.

just dudes being dudes.

went on a holiday with brian epstein, who was gay, and told some people afterward that they did certain sexual things. but we will never know for sure.

yoko says that john was bisexual.

once in an interview he said that he would of married a rich man or woman if he wasn't in the beatles.

hated his voice on records. would always ask for effects on his voice for final recordings.

made a film with yoko where it was just his penis going from flaccid to erect for fifteen minutes in slow motion.

only beatle not to of become a vegetarian while he was alive.

murdered on december 8, 1980.

gave his autograph earlier in the day to the man who would murder him.

died at the age of 40.

“all my loving” was played while he was at the hospital.

and its spooky bc a lot of times in interviews he would say “when i'm 40..”

and it’s sad bc he was finally becoming who he truly wanted to be.

honorable john moments that i love:

“thanks for the purpler hearts” he says while receiving the silver heart

“you are the first person from liverpool that i've ever seen” “great”

eric lennon on my mind today

this come together performance where he messed up the lyrics lol

that interview where paul was sick and john keep checking on him

john lennon speaking nothing but facts

when he said that he could see the beatles going separate ways but that they'd always come back together.

SHUT UP

“shut up while he’s talking..”

this interview breaks my heart sometimes

and this interview is great as well

sir james paul mccartney

born on june 18, 1942

if you ever have spare time just check out this man’s natal chart.

idk how he’s still alive with his chart tbh.

he has a younger brother named mike and a step sister named ruth.

his dad thought he was the ugliest baby he’d ever seen when he was born.

when he was young paul would kill frogs in a way to prepare himself for the war if he ever was drafted.

the first instrument he ever learned to play was the trumpet.

I don't even want to list every instrument this man can play but trust me when I say it’s a lot.

but for the beatles he mainly did bass, vocals, and piano. sometimes playing the guitar and the drums.

the beatles was just paul moving really, really fast.

he lost his mother when he was 14 due to surgery for breast cancer.

never really learned how to cope well with loss of a loved one tbh.

had the cutest chubby cheeks as a kid tbh

met john and was accepted into his band

sometimes they'd ditch school together and either work on music or would visit art galleries.

went to paris with john and john bought him all the banana milkshakes that he wanted.

connected over their love and admiration for music, and bc they had both lost their mothers.

had a girlfriend’s mom who he would make comb his leg hairs.

was an ass to his first girlfriend.

kill all men again.

almost had to marry his girlfriend dot bc she was pregnant, but she ended up losing the baby.

was the one who introduced george harrison to john.

practically despised pete best and stuart stutcliffe bc they were bringing the group down.

got arrested along with pete best bc they lit a condom on fire in hamburg.

still felt awful and a little guilty when stuart died suddenly.

main force behind the beatles imo.

without him we’d have not as much beatles music as we do.

was dating jane asher throughout majority of the sixties.

when they first met they talked about syrup and paul fell in love.

they broke things off after she walked in on him sleeping with another woman though.

directed magical mystery tour and it was amazing and I don't care what anyone says ok?

when john divorced cynthia he was the only one not scared of john and went against his wishes of not speaking to cynthia.

was a little controlling at times.

has a good heart though.

mal evans had to drive him home once after a beatles sessions bc he was crying so hard.

was talking about getting the band back to touring when john said he was leaving the group.

everyone kind of turned against him when the beatles were breaking up and i hate it.

he just wanted what was best for the band.

married linda and had a nice little farm.

we love that story.

linda i'm free thursday if you want to hang out pls.

started up the whole “no meat monday” thing where you don't eat monday on mondays

food meat. not the other kind of meat.

children: james mccartney, stella mccartney, heather mccartney, mary mccartney, and beatrice mccartney.

rip martha.

WINGS!!

he lost linda in 1998 due to cancer.

cried for a whole year bc of it.

still has dreams about john and says they're nice.

wrote a sad song about john called “here today.”

really loved john. like..he truly, genuinely did.

want someone to love me like paul does john.

“think of me every now and then old friend.”

honorable paul moments:

his story about george’s dad

“john? he was beautiful. very beautiful.”

humpty dumpty rap

another story about him and george.

his google search video that I watch every week

this

george harrison

born: February 24, 1943

or at least we think

bc he use to say that his birthday was february 25, but later started saying it february 24.

why can't we change our birthdays its not like we picked it

he was the youngest child.

baby of the family and of the beatles awwww

two older brothers named harry and peter. one older sister named louise.

when george’s mom was pregnant with him she’d play sitar music.

his mom was super supportive of his career choice

when he was 16 he worked as an electricians apprentice.

his dad kind of hoped he would start a family business out of it.

george said nah

would ride the bus opposite way of his house just to spend time with paul

headbutted a kid bc he didn't think they were worthy of paul’s friendship

was brought into the band bc of paul insisting to john

would follow john around like a lost puppy when he first met him

once had an eight hour erection. don't ask me how idk he said it.

was 17 when he lost his virginity and the other band members were in the room watching and cheered him when he finished

most sex craved beatle tbh

once walked into a girls dressing room and asked if they could stand there so he could masturbate

he was the first beatle to go to america

got a black eye for defending ringo once

would make john and paul take turns sharing rooms with ringo when he first joined the band so that he felt more welcomed

when ringo left during the white album and then came back george decorated the studio with flowers for him

during the beatles first recording session he told george martin that he didn't like his tie

became a vegetarian at 22

favorite candy was jelly beans and purple was his favorite color

used the phrase “grotty” in the hard days night movie, hated it, but everyone else picked up on the slang

met his first wife, pattie boyd, on the set of a hard days night

was turned down by her at first

they married in 1966

wouldn't let her do modeling stuff and was kind of an ass

a stylish couple but not the best image for a healthy relationship

got into eastern religion around 1965

during the Hamburg days he would eat chicken on stage

had an affair with ringo’s first wife maureen

got a divorce from pattie in 1977

in 1978 he married olivia who he stayed with until his death and had one son with. dhani.

was the first beatle to hit a number one single and album.

was buddies with led zeppelin

inspired their “rain song”

smashed a piece of cake on john bonham’s head and then was thrown into the pool by him

he financed and produced films. had a production company.

tom petty said that george never shut up once you started talking to him

but he was often referred to as “the quiet beatle”

formed another band called the traveling wilburys

he’d answer questions online in the 2000′s and it’s the cutest thing ever and his answers break my heart too.

“what do you miss most about john lennon?” “john lennon.”

in 1999 a schizophrenic person broke into his house and stabbed him 40 times

thank god olivia was there bc she was the only braincell in the room

had to get a part of his lung taken out

died november 29, 2001 from lung cancer

ashes were scattered into the ganges river

honorable george moments:

this interview he did with ringo

“i'm sad bc i can't play guitars with john anymore. but i did that...i know we’ll meet again some day.”

when he invented reaction videos

“the wind was blowing.” “..blowing my girl?”

“what kind of girl do you like?” “john’s wife.”

sir richard starkey aka ringo starr

born on july 7, 1940

oldest member in the group

has no siblings

naturally was left handed but his grandma thought it was bad luck so he writes right handed, and plays drums with a right handed kit

but does everything else left handed

when he was 6 he fell into a two month coma

was a very sick child

when he was 13 he was in the hosiptal for tuberculosis and formed a hospital band

grew up poor

loves and looked up to his stepfather a lot

his step father bought him his first drum kit in 1957

wasn't that great in school bc he missed so much of it from being so sick

he worked for a britain railway for a while

also served drinks on a day boat for a job

loves dancing

Rory storm and the hurricanes

got his nickname from all the rings he would wear

replaced pete best as the beatles drummer

dealt with people hating him for a bit bc they liked pete more

had to style his hair in a bowl cut to be in the band and i'm still mad at them for making him do that shit

ringo i'm so sorry

george martin didn't really like his drumming and had a session drummer come in for the first album

in 1964 he had tonsillitis, pharyngitis, and high fever all at once and had to be in the hospital for a bit.

was worried the beatles would replace him for good

he’s a cancer don't worry

was the first beatle to try weed

drummers always go first huh

married his first wife, maureen, in 1965

she kissed paul, ringo, and george.

what a champ

honeymoon was ruined by reporters

was really insecure in his relationship and needed a lot of reassurance

had a great relationship with pretty much all the beatles

but a great one with john

john felt his most relaxed when he was with ringo

was once in a movie with roger daltrey

divorced maureen in 1975

his wife now is barbara bach who he married in 1981

had alcohol problems

once gotten so drunk that he beat barbara so badly that he thought he killed her

put himself into rehab after that

barbara lowkey looks like jan from the office

children: zak, lee, and jason

zak is the drummer for the band the who

peace and love

but don't send me fan mail anymore

peace and love

ringo starr and the allstar band (starting 1981)

was the narrator for thomas the tank engine

will play at paul’s concerts sometimes now for fun

mad bc he came on stage during paul’s last concert show and it was on my birthday and I couldn't go to it

honorable ringo moments:

“do you want me to come with you?”

stupid barbara walters

talking about paul

giving us a little dance

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peterpumpkinparker · 5 years

Text

Shatter Me- Peter Parker x Starks Daughter! Reader

After the death of your father by the hands of Thanos, you are more than determined to risk everything to get the life you had before the Snap

———————————————————

Hey lovelies! I’m so sorry it’s been so long since a story-I’ve just been so busy and hecktic with life! But hopefully I’ll be able to post more with summer vacation ☺️

Genre: Angst

Warning: mild cussing, some mentions of depression (not much, just some actions/ symptoms describe depression)

AU: Infinity War (but instead of Peter dying, Stark does)

Word Count: 2300

Also-sorry if this has wierd spacing, the mobile app of Tumblr is NOT enjoyable to use when trying to post a fic

————————————————————

“Almost got it,” you mumbled, your mind completely overtaken on the task at hand. Your hands were sore and raw from working with the rough metal, the wires scratching your fingers, but you didn't cared.You didn’t care that you hadn’t eaten since yesterday. You didn’t care that you hadn’t talked to your friends, or your boyfriend Peter, in a month. You didn't care that you felt empty inside. That you had no life after what happened. That almost everything you loved was gone. Just getting it all back was what mattered to you.

You worked tirelessly in your dad’s old workshop, the Iron Man suits and parts laid around like he had last left it. It was yours now- well, until you got him back. All of them back.

The metal arm you were working on was almost complete, the exoskeleton reflecting your tired face. The dark circles around your eyes made you turn away, hating the world for giving you this momentous pain that you had to fix. The remaining Avengers had told you countless times that if you ever needed help, that they were there for you, that if you needed anything all you had to do was give them a call and they would show up. But what you really needed was your father-nobody could give you that except the monster that took it away from you.

And you knew they wouldn't help you with your plan try to defeat Thanos- you knew it was suicide to go on your own to defeat him- but you had to to at least try.

You continued to tinker on, not noticing the worried boy in the doorway. Peter stared at your arched back, your exhausted face, and wondered how he was going to even talk to you. Even though you and Peter were dating, you haven't called or seen him in weeks, and he just thought that maybe you were dealing with stuff beyond his control. Everyone mourns differently, he was dealing with it himself, but- he didnt realize it was this bad when Cap called him in. Now as he looked at you, he felt like he was staring at stranger; the snarky, smiling girl he once knew was seemingly lost in the ocean of grief she was quietly drowning in.

He knocked on the glass door, leaning on his shoulder to make it seem he was relaxed, but the clench in his jaw said otherwise.

Your head shot up, annoyance first riddled in you- but instantly disappearing once you realized Peter was the one that broke your concentration.

You brushed your hair out of the way, realizing you haven't washed it in a while.

“Hey,” you greeted aloud, your voice crackling a little from not using it in a while.

“Hey,” Peter repeated back. An awkward silence filled the room as you fumbled to tie up your hair in a quick bun. “Mind if I sit?” he asked, wondering how long you had been in here.

You shrugged your shoulders, and tried avoiding his gaze by inspecting a little bolt next to you.

Peter pulled up a chair next to you. “How are you holding up?” he asked, his voice laced with concern.

You shrugged again. Saying too much would make him scared- too little would do the same thing. “Not amazing,” you sighed, “but nobody really is after what happened.”

Peter stared down at his hands. “That's true.”

Another awkward pause filled the air. You hated this. All of this. Everything was going great before- you and Peter had just started dating, and you guys had the best relationship ever. Stark was completely fine with it, even though he acted like he was super protective, you being his daughter. You guys were inseparable, always together, always able to tell each other anything and everything. Now, you couldn't even look at each other without feeling awkward, without feeling like you were back to Square 1. Everything just seemed so backward and messed up now, it was hard to wrap your head around fixing it. But you had to.

You turned away from Peter, putting in the last few bits and pieces into the metal arm. It was a crude weapon, built off of one of the unfinished inventions of your dad’s.

Peter began to look around the room, the awkwardness making him worry more. You used to be so bubbly and full of life, but now you had drawn into yourself, a shell of who you were. Peter didn't know how to bring you back out.

He looked around the workshop, noticing the disarray. There were objects everywhere, broken parts scattered on the floor, a makeshift bed in the corner, notes and paper strewn on different tables. He passed a desk, noticing the writing on the paper as yours. He picked it up, glancing up to see if you were watching. You were so intent in your thoughts, you didn't even notice Peter’s body leaving your side. He tentatively looked back at paper and at the words, the gibberious making him confused- all it talked about was about some weapon and the parts it needed. He turned the page, watching again to see if you were paying attention to him sneaking in your belongings before he looked. Once Peter finally looked down, he felt his heart sink- you had drafted up a replica of an Iron Man suit, with notes on the side for space travel. He looked at the notes in confusion, wondering why you would be go into space, until it hit him- your quiet moodiness, your concentration for building, your absence in any type of life outside you dad’s workshop. He realized you wanted revenge on your dad’s death.

He looked around, his heart beating frantically. Being Stark’s daughter, you were incredibly smart, so he didn't put it past you to make an Iron Man Suit, no less finish it in a month. He set down the paper as if it were a bomb about to ignite, and turned around, trying to see if you had finished the suit and left it somewhere. He had to see it for himself-he couldn’t believe that you would risk yourself so dangerously like this.

He began to walk again, looking for anything that resembled your drawing, until he came upon a tall object draped over with a brown tarp in a dimly light part of the workshop.

You looked up, the sound of Peter’s footsteps beginning to echo, which made your nerves tingle in annoyance. You loved Peter, you truly did, but right now, he was ruining valuable progress and wasting precious time. You watched him walk around the lab. You hoped that he didn’t realize what you were planning, and you lied to yourself that he didn’t. But deep down, you knew your deep connection with him was still there-he figured it all out before you even said a word.

You kept watching him, sadness turning into horror as you helplessly sat and watched as he raised a corner of the tarp-the tarp that hide your massive plan-and began to yell at him to stop. Instead, he ripped it off to reveal what you had been working on- a crude version of a Iron Man suit.

“Holy crap,” Peter breathed out in shock, his eyes wide as he looked at your guilty face.

He looked between you and the suit. “Did you…?” he asked hesitantly, pointing at it.

“I didn't exactly build it,” you said, answering his question sheeplessly. “They’re pieces of my Dad’s suits that he never really finished. I just pieced them together to make,” you raised your hand at your creation, “this.” Your hand came down, slapping your outer thigh,the sound ringing in the silence as Peter gawked and you sat back wearily,waiting for his reaction.

He swallowed, looking back at your creation. “So does it really work like an Iron Man suit?” He didn't want to ask you straight out your plans, because he didn't want you getting angry at him for snooping in your things. But leading you to saying it sounded a little better than being blunt at that moment.

“I dont know for sure,” you explained, your hands shaking, “but it should. I've learned enough from my dad just watching him make his suits. It took me forever though, and it's definitely not like his suits- its not as sturdy, but it should be okay if the power source is not tampered with. If thats broken,” you laughed sarcastically, “all hell breaks loose in it.”

“How do you know that?” he asked curiously, his arms folding in front of them stiffly.

“Well,” you smiled a little, “ I tried to readjust the router through the chest on time- thats were it at- and I got shot across the room like a rag doll.”

You two laughed, it being a little forced, but the air felt so strange that any type of dry humor was appreciated. You guys felt like total strangers, yet you knew each other’s secrets- Peter being a superhero, you at the moment, building a massively technological machine under cover for the past month.

But after the little bit of light heartedness it went back to tension and awkwardness.

Peter stuffed his hands into his pockets. “This is really- intuitive- and amazing y/n,” he smiled with concern, “but why?”

You sighed, dreading the question you knew he would ask. You looked down into your lap, rubbing the red mark on your thigh.

“My father died Peter. And almost everyone he knew, and I knew, are gone.Nobody has tried to do anything. Everyone's giving up. And nobody wants to try to fix this mess except me. So this is how I'm going to fix it”

Peter listened to you, scared at what you said. He was hoping that maybe this was a joke, that you werent really planning to go out and get revenge, but you were. Peter stared at you, trying to read your emotions. He had never seen you like this- so low yet so determined at the same time- and he was worried for you. terrified.

“What are you planning y/n?” he asked, his brown eyes boring into yours.

You looked back at your work table. “Nothing, Peter.”

‘Its doesnt look like nothing, though.”

“It's nothing.” you said with force, frustration spilling out.

“If you don't tell me y/n, Im going to tell the Avengers.”

“Like they care!” you spat angrily at him. “Like they ever cared! Ive been down here for God knows how long, trying to get back the life I had, trying to fix everything, and they havent done jack shit”

You knew everything you were saying was false and wrong. Natasha had been the one bringing you food and made you the make shift bed you sleep and eat in. Steve came to ask if you needed to talk every Friday without fail. Rhodey gave you the news that your father died, and gave Peoper and you his mask-and hugged you as you cried from the shock of losing your father. They did care and they were trying-it just felt good to yell at something, anything. You were angry that you didn’t have your father, and you were impatient for everything to be back as it was.

You shook your head, anger raditating off your body.

“Absolutely nothing! they haven't figured out a damn plan either. And if they had, they haven't let me in the loop.”

“Y/n their going to fix this,” Peter tried to reason.

“No. I'm going to fix this.”

Peter stared at you in disbelief, not really knowing you anymore. You were never this lost in your own head. He understood you were going through a lot of pain, but going after Thanos was usicide.

Peter stared at the contraption, contemplating what to do.

“Nobody has thought of a new plan,” you continued, “it's time for a change. Im sick of waking up every morning, and realizing everyone is gone. Im sick of waking up and feeling guilty- Like I couldve done something.”

“ I shouldve done something.” you said, almost saying it to yourself.

Peter felt empathy swarming his body. How could he tell you he felt the same way?

“But, y/n- you couldn't have done anything that day. None of us could- we all tried our best.”

“Really?” you countered angrily. “I did shit- I literally stayed home and watch my dad fly onto that weird spaceship. I watched you leave. Did I leave? No. You know why?

Tears began to brim in your eyes, your lids binking rapidly to hold them back.

“You know why?” you repeated, your tone getting smaller as your voice cracked, “because I was scared. You breathed out heavily, letting that new realization hit you like a ton of bricks. You didn’t want to admit this to yourself, but it was true to you. The day Thanos and his warriors came, you stayed back. The one time your dad yelled at you to stay back, you listened. You never listened to your dad-you always were the first to fly in and help save the day. But the one time your dad truly needed you, the one time the whole universe needed help, you didn’t do that. Seeing those aliens and that ships freaked you out- you were terrified you’d actually lose your life that time. And because of that, you didn’t die-but your dad was gone. You worked tirelessly every day to keep that evil secret away from your mind because it was too hard to come face to face with-now you had to work to fix that fatal mistake.

“I was scared because I had no idea what to do. I wanted to help, but I was too selfish about my own safety. I could have grabbed one of my Dads suits. I couldve flew up there with you guys. I could've helped. But I didn't.”

You looked up shaking your head, your lips pursed as you tred to will your body to hold back the tears.

Peter walked to you, his arms open and welcoming, but his expression full of pain. Every day he felt the same pain- that he could’ve done something more to save everyone he loved. It was the worst pain he ever felt in his life- it ate his insides, anytime it was quiet, anytime he allowed himself to relax; that guilt and sorrow and hate for his actions at that time ate his insides until he felt like screaming. Some days were better than others, and he'd been learning to cope with it. But he just never realized you were dealing with the same thing. And so much of it.

You looked at Peter, your lips quivering as a single tear spilled onto your cheeks. You looked down at your hands, terrified that talking more to Peter would make you break down. You had broken down so much in the last month that you thought that one more would destroy you.

Peter knelt down, eye level to you, sweeping the hair out of your face that was curtaining off your tear stained cheeks.

“Its okay, y/n,” peter said softly, “Youre okay.”

You looked up, your eyes full of pain. You shook your head, chuckling sarcastically as your smile quivered.

“Im not,” you whispered out of your throat, your voice tight with the effort of keeping yourself together. To not cry. To not show that life was really messing you up right now.

Peter wrapped his arms around you, the purity of the embrace and the warmth of his body making your shoulders shudder harder, your hiccups louder, your heart hurt more and less at the same time as you wrapped your arms around him. The waves of tears wracked your body,one after aother, the pain making you hurt. You grabbed the back of his shirt, the fabric balled up into your fist as you let all your emotions leave your body.

‘Its okay y/n,” Peter whispered, his voice low and soothing, “eveyrthing’s going to be okay. I know you wont believe me right now, but- youre going to be okay.”

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Requests open! If you’d like, Check the blurb list and send me a # and I’ll do your request as soon as possible!

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Taggings:

@accioparker @fratboievans @grandmascottlang @gayuwuenergy @flying-roomba @galaxy-parker @hollandroos @honeymoonparker @hazsterfield @itsholyholland @jupiterparker @naturallytom @revengingbarnes @starksparker @underoosstark @uglypastels @underoos-shield @petersshirts

If you want to tagged, please msg me! I’m happy to tag you in all future fics!

@just4muggles

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Happy a great night (or day) lovelies! I’ll see you in the next fic ❤️

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newtsshelbys · 5 years

Text

Left Behind | Calum Hood

Pairing: College!Calum x College!Reader

Summary: As you got lost in the crowd of concert, you bump into a boy, you’re kinda familar with and from there on you are kind of forced to spend the rest of the evening with him and his friends.

Word cound: 3.9k

Warnings: drinking and that’s about it, ig

a/n: I had this in my drafts for a while now and felt like finishing it. It’s my first 5sos related imagine. It’s a little bit cheesy and turned out fluffy. Remember, feedback and criticism is highly appreciated. Enjoy!

The music was blasting through the speakers, flashing a wave of energy through your body you didn’t even know you had left in you anymore. You were standing for about four hours now and usually you’d be totally exhausted by now but the adrenaline that was currently streaming through your body made you forget about your tired legs.

As the next hook was about to drop the people around you opened a big hole in the crowd and everyone was ready to jump in. You weren't usually the type to join mosh pits because they always got so chaotic and sometimes you were seriously worried about getting hurt. But right now, at the moment, you didn’t care. You took a glance to your left to find your two best friends nodding at you, signalizing you that they were about to join the chaos as well. You smiled one more time to yourself, enjoying yourself before the beat dropped and every one jumped into that mosh pit, including you.

It was over faster than you would have thought. At that moment, you were completely carefree and the music owned your body. You were jumping, screaming and dancing, like every body around you. At some point someone stepped on your foot and it stung for a second, but you got over it fast as the act that was currently putting on a live show, started to rap their second verse of the song. The crowd calmed down a little and most people were facing the stage again.

You turned around to check if your friends were alright. But as you turned, you couldn’t make out one of the two familiar faces that belonged to your best friends. You started to look around, starting to ignore the loud bass, the cheering crowd and the flickering lights around you, as worry started to build inside of you. You couldn’t see them anywhere. You got your phone out to check if they already texted you but you had no new messages. You tried to call them with little hope and also no success. You lost your friends.

You thought about leaving the hall and just wait until the concert is over to meet with them outside afterwards, since you knew you couldn’t enjoy the concert anymore anyways. Not like this. You turned around to leave, as you bumped into someone.

You quickly apologized and moved past them, until, you heard them calling your name.

“Y/N?” they shouted after you. You knew that voice so, you turned around again.

“Calum?” you guessed making your way over to the familiar stature of the young man.

As you got closer you could make out his features and it really was Calum, standing there in front of you.

“It really is you! What are you doing here?” he smiled, taking you in for a short hug.

This took you by surprise. You didn’t know Calum too well. You weren’t even sure if you’d consider him your friend. But it also seemed like he was pretty hammered. But you had to chuckle at his question. What were you probably doing at a concert?

Calum was one of your classmates. And that was about it. At least that’s what you think, how he’d explain the relationship between you two. On your side, the thing was a little bit more complicated. It all started out about one and half years ago, since you started collage. You figured out fast that you had almost all your classes with the curly haired boy. At the beginning, he was just one of the guys you went to school with. Nothing more, nothing less. But over these one and a half years, you developed a crush on him. And you hated yourself for it.

You mostly knew him from little group projects you had to do in class. Either only the two of you or in a bigger group, but you started to notice, that you liked spending time with him. Even if it was only for school related stuff. The two of you even started to talk more once during these one and a half years but that died down quickly with him telling you how he was about to hit up another girl. He didn’t hurt you with stuff like that, it was just a bit frustrating sometimes.

You were likely to not tell your crushes about the feelings or liking you held towards them. For some reason you were always just too scared of rejections and you always thought it would probably be really awkward between the two of you if you’d have ever told him. You also didn’t want for him to have this kind of power over you. You imagined plenty of times the pity full look he’d have on his face, while telling you that you were sweet, but he didn’t return your feelings. And the thought about that always managed to send a cold shiver down your spine and it maybe still kind of hurt you in some way. Even tough you would never admit that to yourself.

So, you managed to live with the fact that he was just a silly crush you had and that you’d get over it at some point, which leaded you to the situation you were currently in. Still, not over him and him treating you like one of his mates. And the thing that all of his three mates from school were kind of your friends as well didn’t help at all. Sometimes you even did hang out together. You liked his friends and you always wondered why your relationship with him can’t be as uncomplicated as the friendships with the rest of his gang was. If you’re with them, you always get a laugh out of each other. It also wasn’t that bad if you were with him and his friends because they kind of distracted you from his cute curls, muscular arms and contagious laugh, which you loved to hear. You also loved when his lips where formed into a smile that took over his whole face.

And now you were standing there, worried about your friends, a little bit drunk, bumping into that one person you didn’t really expect to bump into. Plus, you didn’t really have the nerves right now to deal with the mess you called your feelings.

“What do you think I’m doing here? Same as you, dummy.” you replied, trying to put a smile on your face and ignoring the anxious feeling that were currently creeping up.

“Oh, yeah, that makes sense.” he smiled, biting his lip and looking down at you.

“Yeah. But, ehm” your voice sounded more concerned this time as you tried to form your sentence, “You didn’t per chance saw my friends around?”

You turned on your phone as you wanted to show him a picture of them as you realized his head was already turned to the front again, not listening to anything you just said. As it wasn’t hard enough to communicate in all that screaming that was going on, anyways.

“Calum!” you called for his attention.

He turned to you, a drunken smile on his face. You showed him the picture of you and your friends.

“Have you seen them?” you shouted over the crowd that was currently going wild.

“Them? No, sorry. But she’s hot!” he grinned, pointing at your phone.

Well, that didn’t really help, but thanks for your input, Calum. You rolled your eyes at him. It wasn’t like you were already in a shitty situation.

“I’m gonna leave. Have fun.” you screamed over the music.

As you were about to turn your back at the tall boy, he called out for you again.

“Y/N, wait!”

He called you again so, you turned around again.

“You really wanna miss the rest of the concert?” he asked like he’d genuinely care, “We can still go and search for your friends after and you can stay with us if you want”.

His offer took you by surprise, the second time this evening. But the suggestion was really tempting, since you really liked the act that was currently playing and you were excited for this concert for about half a year now. So, you decided to quickly text your friends, that they don’t need to worry about you and that you found someone you knew and could stay with for the rest of the concert. You said you were sorry and that you could meet outside after. Putting your phone back in your pocket you turned back to Calum, who was loudly singing along, knowing all the lyrics.

“You know what, yeah, why not.” you smiled up at him, receiving a smile from him as well which made you a little bit week in your knees, but as usual, you ignored it.

As the evening was going on, you caught yourself enjoying yourself more and more. Calum had also friends with him. The only one you knew was a boy called Ashton. You had also some classes with him, and he was one of Calum's closest friends, as far as you knew. But there was another guy you have never seen before. He introduced himself as Dylan. At some point you even found yourself grounding your body against his, not spending one single though on Calum.

The main thing why you keep hiding your feelings for Calum, was because if he rejected you, you still had to face him every day and with that you’d be reminded of the embarrassment. But like this, with a guy you’d probably never see again or only if you wanted, it was easy.

Even though you had fun with him, you knew what he was after. You didn’t really have much experience on the dating front, but you weren’t blind. And it actually felt really good to be admired by someone. It gave you the feeling on having power, which was quite the opposite of how you felt almost everyday around your long-time-crush, namely insecure. So, you enjoyed every second of it.

As the concert was over, you almost forgot about your friends. But as soon as you were outside, you heard your phone ring. Just then you saw that you had twelve missed calls.

“Shit.” you mumbled to yourself, picking up your phone.

“Y/N? Where the hell were you?” your one friend was asking you, worry clear audible in her voice.

“I met some friends form school, I texted you guys.” you tried to explain.

Within the conversation with your friends, Dylan asked you for your tag to go and get your jacket for you. While your friend was telling you something, you searched for your tag, found it and handed it to Dylan, mumbling a quiet, “thank you”.

“Did you hear anything of what I just said?” your friend hissed at you.

“I’m sorry what did you say?” with your free hand you held your other ear closed, since it was still kinda crowded and with that comes the noise around you.

“We are already on our way home, Y/N.” sighed your friend.

“What? You did leave without me?” you started to ramble. Worry was building inside of you for the second time this evening on the thought of how to get home all by yourself. It was a good one and a half hour car ride until you were back home.

“Melissa got sick, she threw up on the toilets and I don’t think it’s because of the alcohol. I decided to bring her home, I tried to call you but you weren’t picking up.” she started to explain, you could hear out of the way her voice sounded, that she was sorry, “I even searched for you in the crowd for fifteen minutes but couldn’t find you anywhere and Melissa could barely stand, I had to do something.”

“So, you decided to leave without me?!” you hissed at her, genuinely pissed that your friends left you behind like this.

“What should I have done, huh. Tell me. Should I have let her practically die outside and come back to party with you?” she said sarcastically.

“No, of course not.” you rubbed your forehead, trying to figure out on how to get home yourself.

“Also, where is the problem, why can’t you go home with your friends form school?”

“It’s not that easy, V.” you tried to explain but couldn’t find any words on how to.

No one knew about your crush on Calum, since telling someone would make it become real. Without anyone knowing you could still tell yourself that your feelings not there or that they will go away in a magical way at some point.

“Well, it has to be that easy, Y/N. Except you wanna go home all by yourself.”

“Yeah, I know.”

As you took a look in the direction the boys left to get their and also your jacket you saw them walking towards you.

“I gotta go, V.” you cut her off, “Call me if your home safe, alright. Oh and you owe me.”

“Sure, same goes for you” she hung up, leaving you alone with Calum, Ashton and Dylan.

Last named just handed you your jacket, “There you go.”

“Thank you.” you smiled at him.

“Yo, Y/N” Calum begun, pulling your attention at him, “Where are your friends?”

All the boys were looking at you, waiting for an answer.

“Well, they already left.” you admitted to them, “is there a chance that the three of you have an empty seat in your car for someone like me.”

“I’m sure we can squeeze you in there, Y/N.”, Ashton chuckles as he put an arm around your shoulder.

“Thank you guys so much, really”, you thanked them, relieve washing over you, but you were still a little on edge because of the two men that were walking behind you and Ashton, “You really are my saviors.”

Next thing you knew, you were 60 dollars poorer and walking through a shabby train compartment looking for an opportunity to sit. Your legs were tired as hell. You finally got to feel that, since there is no adrenaline left in your body.

As you found a part in the train where the four of you could sit together, Ashton claimed it really fast as theirs.

“Didn’t I say we could squeeze you in?”, he grinned. A grin you’d like to punch out of his stupid face.

You didn’t even mind traveling by train. It was just that you were really exhausted. Plus, the short walk through the cold and fresh, night spring air, managed to get you sober again. So, now you were trapped in that train, with your dumb crush, a guy that still hope to get you laid tonight and an Ashton that didn’t seem to shut up and the saddest thing, you weren’t even drunk anymore.

The train wasn’t even running for ten minutes until you fell asleep leaning against the train window.

“Yo, this girl is fire and I’m so gonna get it tonight, guys”, Dylan cheered.

But he seemed to be the only one to find it funny how he was messing with a girl that couldn’t defend herself at the moment, because she was fast asleep.

Ashton only commented with, “If you say so.” And he was quick on looking back at his phone. And Calum, he was sending a death glare Dylan’s way. He hated how he talked about you and the fact that you couldn’t defend yourself, made him feel like he had to.

Calum didn’t really like the game that Dylan and you were playing the whole evening, anyways. As he spotted you on the dance floor in the middle of the crowd earlier this evening, he had to smile to himself. For some odd reason, it filled him with joy, watching you having a good time. But as soon as he spotted Dylan behind you, his smile was fast to be replaced with a frown. That should be him, dancing and laughing with you, he thought. But he probably must have messed up at some point of the evening. Why would you prefer to dance with stranger than with your friend Ashton or more specific him?

“Man, I need to take a piss.” Dylan suddenly said out of the blue, making Ashton getting up and joining him.

As Ashton already left to get in another compartment where the toilet was, Calum held Dylan back by his arm.

“Stop it, man.” he warned, glancing at him to make clear what he’s talking about.

“Why? You like her?” Dylan raised his eyebrows in amusement.

“N- No. It’s just… she has a boyfriend, man” he lied.

“Alright, man”, Dylan put his hands up in defense and left for the toilets.

Shortly after Dylan disappeared, following after Ashton.

“Why did you tell him I have a boyfriend?”, you suddenly spoke up.

Calum jumped at your words, since he expected you to be asleep. Suddenly he found himself in a position where he had to explain himself.

“Dylan just isn’t one of the nice guys” he explained quietly with his head down, not looking at you.

You didn’t know where you got the sudden push of confidence as you placed your head on his shoulder and tried to get some more sleep since you had another 30 minutes in the train ahead of you. Also, you weren’t really to keen on having a conversation with Dylan at this point.

Calum’s heart skipped a beat at your sudden move. But at the same time, it feels so natural for you to be close to him and sleeping peacefully. Its kind of calmed Calum down at the same time as it brought, for him, confusing feelings about you up, which he tried to push down for the whole evening now.

“Boyfriend, huh”, Calum heard Dylan say as he spotted you asleep on his shoulders.

As you were at the end station and you had to get out, Calum tried to wake you up softly. He gently shook you at your shoulders.

“We’re here, Y/N. Time to get out” he whispered softly.

As you opened your eyes and looked up at him you had to quickly orientate yourself. As it all came crushing down to you, you took your head off Calum’s shoulder, leaving him instantly missing it. You didn’t know why you got so close to him, but it confused you beyond believe. Why didn’t he reject you as you put your head on his shoulder?

As Dylan, Ashton and actually also Calum were meant to say their goodbyes, because you had another twenty-minute train ride ahead of you until you were home, but the rest of the boys were living in the city, you hugged Dylan and Ashton wishing them a good night. As you were supposed to say bye to Calum, you didn’t know what to do. Hug him? Shake his hand? Wave at him? You heard Calum speak up.

“I’m gonna come with you.”

“What?” your mind took a few seconds to process what he had just told you, “No, Calum, you really don’t have to. I’ll be fine, I swear.” You assured him, since bringing you home would take him another hour to get home himself.

“But I want to.” he admitted, glancing at you with a soft smile covering his lips. His looks made you go week in your knees.

“We’ll leave you to it, lovebirds. Goodnight.” Dylan and Ashton said their goodbyes one last time, turning on their heels and walking into the opposite direction of where you were standing.

“Why?” you asked, your voice almost inaudible.

“Because.” was the only explanation you were getting out of him.

You decided to not further protest and just let him bring you home. For whatever reason he was doing it.

Your second train ride was manly quiet and filled with silence. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, thought, like you had expected it to be. You didn’t know what it was but something changed between the two of you. As you were looking out of the window, making out the few little lights of people’s houses, where they were still awake, probably watching TV and watching the sky, where you could make out a few little stars, since it was cloudy that evening, you could feel Calum's glare at you. It practically burned itself into your skin. It felt like if he would dare to look away from your slightly blushed cheeks, curvy eyelashes and at the way your nose was shaped, he’d die in an instant.

From time to time you send him a glance yourself, allowing your eyes to meet. You couldn’t hold the glare long, though, the butterflies in your stomach getting the best of you. You didn’t know why, but you didn’t feel insecure around you anymore. You felt safe.

As you got out of the train, Calum insisted on walking you home as well. Even though you though it was too much, since he must be tired himself, he didn’t accept a no.

“You enjoyed the concert?” he suddenly asked out of the blue, his eyes meeting the concrete walkway underneath him. It almost felt as he was getting all shy on you all of a sudden.

“Yeah, except that I lost my friends, and they also went home without me, it was great!” you stated, making your voice sound sarcastic.

“Wasn’t that bad after all in my opinion.” Calum commented, sounding sincere.

“No. No, it wasn’t.” you admitted. A small smile was forming on your face at the thought of how your evening went down since you lost your friends. It was definitely something you were expecting form yourself but it was fun. You told yourself to do stuff like that more often, without the part of losing your friends.

As you were standing in front of your door, the mood was tense. You didn’t know how to thank Calum properly for accompany you this far.

“I had fun tonight, Y/N.”, Calum admitted, breaking the silence.

“Yeah, me too.”

Last thing you knew after a few long seconds of silence, was Calum starring at your lips before his were directly connected with yours. It wasn’t like you weren’t already surprised enough about how this evening turned out, this action tops it all.

As you were over the first shock, you kissed him back. It was an innocent but still a pure kiss. And you didn’t want it to end. All the weeks, even moths of admiring this boy from the far and now he was kissing you. At that moment nothing seemed important, except for the two of you standing there. The thought of Dylan vanished your mind a long time ago and was replaced with Calum and Calum only.

As the two of you broke apart, Calum was the first one to say something.

“Tell me, Y/N. Why are we doing this only now?”

You pressed your forehead against his, smiling. At this moment you felt nothing but happiness. It was a feeling you haven’t witnessed this strong in quite a while.

“I don’t think you have a train back to the city until five in the morning.” you informed him, slightly giggling, “Wanna stay over?”

“I’d appreciate that.”

You opened your front door, stepping inside.

“You’re sleeping on the floor, though.”

#5sos imagine #5sos one shot #5 seconds of summer #5 seconds of summer fan fiction #5 seconds of summer one shot #calum hood #calum hood imagine #Calum Hood one shot #Calum Hood x reader #Ashton Irwin #Ashton Irwin imagine #calum x reader #5sos Calum #Cashton #Calum 5sos #cool guy cal #5sos #this turned out hella cheesy im sorry #college!calum

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eluvion · 2 years

Text

2021 Fic Year in Review

Total number of completed stories: 7!!

Total word count: 79823, plus about 16k from poetry au, which I am hoping to finish by the end of the year, plus a bunch of essay and article words

Fandoms written in: The big ones were My Hero Academia and Bungou Stray Dogs, but I dabbled in Persona 5, Banana Fish, and Cowboy Bebop

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected? Honestly just about what I expected. I always clock in at around 6-7 works, and i that am lost was A Lot of words and so was A Study in Mafia Black, so I’m pretty happy with what I have. I wanted to finish a few other pieces by now, but poetry au is That One Fic that I have to drag out of my brain (theres always one). Paired with that I’ve been super busy this year and my mental health has not been. great. I’m okay with this.

What’s your own favorite story of the year? I mean, it really would be unfair to myself to say anything except i that am lost, oh who will find me. It was certainly the fic that took me the longest, and even though there are some things I would change, I worked so hard on that fic that I can’t help but love it.

Did you take any writing risks this year? I haven’t really thought of much of my writing as “risky”, but the hollow of a forest fire was a little bit scary just because I know fandom isn’t quite kind to only genderbending one half of a ship (even though forest fire isn’t really about soukoku, it was still scary). I think most of my writing “risks” have just been overambitious word goals, if I’m honest.

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the new year? Poetry au!! The first draft should be finished soon, and even if my beta and I are both pretty busy, the published work should be out by february I think? I also really want to write a sequel to forest fire that focuses on yosano and dazai, and I also have some ideas for a truth serum fic, but we’ll see.

Most popular story of the year? i that am lost by FAR. To be fair, that is like my only long form, chaptered fic, and its in a big fandom but wow!! I didnt know that so many people would enjoy the niche father-son relationship that I loved

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: look I KNOW that the cowboy bebop fandom is kind of dead and that there were like. 15 works in this ship, but the past is a long bone deserved better. I don’t care that they met like once; I am a faye/julia truther

Most fun story to write: please don’t kill me but death of the undying mostlyyy because I just kept adding angsty things and I was thinking about how painful it would be.

but also!!! I really love akechi’s mother as a character? because like we never get much information besides what akechi says, and like. even if youre the best person in the world, if you’re a teen mother in sex work trying to make ends meet who is getting perpetually fucked over by a politician, you’re going to do and say some bad things. but akechi still does a lot of his revenge plan because of her!! he still cares deeply about her, despite everything. and as a child of a mentally ill mother myself, it’s really interesting to see what that does to you, especially when you know that your parents are trying their best.

it was also fun to play with cognition, especially how maruki would see akechi’s mother? because like,,, he doesnt know her, but he thinks he does, in the same arrogant way he thinks he knows wakaba and haru’s father and everyone else he brings back

Most unintentionally telling story: pretty much any of my bsd fics, if I’m being honest. because wow!! dazai’s entire character hit me where it hurt!! and god if that doesnt reflect in my writing

Biggest disappointment: I dont really have that many disappointments of this year, but the big ones were 1. a high school au of banana fish that I meant to finish but couldnt get back into the voice of post watching bsd and 2. a few shuake fics I really wanted to write but chickened out of, mostly because I still havent finished watching all of the confidants and I did not feel comfortable writing fic of characters I didnt know everything about

Biggest surprise: the reaction to forest fire, probably. I was honestly expecting it to be pretty niche, and dont get me wrong, it is still pretty niche, but a lot of people messaged me and I even got art (!!!!!!) of it and that was really lovely because I absolutely did not expect it <33

#Night's Year in Review #fanfiction #writing stuff

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gizkasparadise · 6 years

Note

Crossroads, obvs! :D

LOL oh boy well.

the death of kylo ren, aka it was only a prompt fill how did it end up like this:

the death of kylo ren was originally going to be like. 10 chapters max, and had a toooootally different plotline: aalto ren was going to be a plant by snoke and die within a chapter or two of his introduction (lol), rey was going to have to use the bond to kill kylo (hence the title, @ignitesthestars convinced me to make it more figurative), and it was going to end with rey being a sort of exile 2.0 from the kotor games (a wound in the force, essentially) following an ambiguously romantic chaste love story (i was trying to do something along the lines of V and Evey from the movie version of V for Vendetta)

i also…didnt think anyone would read it??? like, it was going to be my ~trippy, ~experimental art fic that would maybe get 100 hits and my itch would be scratched but then i was like oh fuck people are reading this and rooting for them lmfao iiiiiiiiiiiiii better change it

that’s why there’s kind of a big style shift from chapters ¾ to 5/6ish if you were wondering (esp re: aalto’s characterization)

so i was like okay this is going to actually have them live. UM. and from there i started kind of sketching out this trajectory of what was going to happen. i drew a lot of inspiration from the kotor games (obviously), but i also wanted to be clear that i wasn’t going for bastila/revan 2.0 (because i don’t like that ship, oops). so rey kind of became a revan/exile/bastila hybrid figure in terms of narrative, and kylo had revan elements mixed with malak

i also was kind of dying to do something with a tripped out timeline, so i made aalto an expy of leoben conoy from battlestar galactica and i added some KOTOR framing and the narrative just sort of took itself where it needed to go

UNTIL CHAPTER 12. when i was finishing chapter 11 i was like hmmmm there could be more to this if i wanted. so i asked some friends, and they were like duh do it, so i started laying out the groundwork for a sequel. i knew i wanted to continue with the flowwalking/time travel plotline, so i laid down some key foreshadowing moments in chapters 12 + 13 (the warehouse scene from stars don’t come down, the inclusion of the revan force vision, aalto telling rey the order of planets she’d visit/the order of the planets as they appear in the series, aalto’s death scene, etc.).

chapter 13 was also luke’s death, and i debated having him die for real (so i could write some force ghost luke because hell yeah) or not. i Thought about it, and decided it would be cool if his soul, for lack of a better word, got taken out of the regular timeline and hidden somewhere else. i then drafted some bits, not really knowing where they were going, and i got stuck on the imagery of the lightsaber colors– silver, red, green. and i was kind of like WHAT IF I MADE THIS A TWIST, so that’s when i outlined in rey’s duo-colored lightsaber and her eventual time travel back to this scene. i remember getting a lot of WAIT HOW DID LUKE DIE comments and i was like :B the whole time

i am a fan of parallels/bookends, so the story ends where it started in a couple ways. the last “before” story is what leads to the first “now” story, and ben is waiting for something/looking at engine lights just like rey was in the beginning– i liked the engine lights theme and decided the origin of it was rey watching her parents fly away – something i eventually got around to writing in…uh…the second to last chapter of the whole damn series WELP

stars don’t come down aka this isn’t kill bill but it is a little

i knew from the get-go that i wanted this to have a cast of knights of ren. most of my prelim outlining was pulling my favorite kotor villains (the sith lords of kotor 2 ft. malak) and figuring out how to translate them into new people. i developed janara and soran, and then @ignitesthestars and i developed dolari and orin together (fei actually wrote dolari first in her story making waves in the sand)

i also knew that i didnt want snoke in it that much. he kind of had to be in it, but i dont like him as a character / don’t find him interesting, so i wrote the plot around him but not with him

i knew i wanted kylo to be on a team with kes (because i wanted to play on chapter 12 of TDoKR, when he calls out ‘dameron’) and finn, because finn’s the best. initial outlines of the fic had wedge and maz playing way larger roles than what they ended up doing, but oh well

initial outlines of the fic also had rey and kylo leaving the war for a looong time (like, a couple years) and coming back at the end, but i decided that it fit better as the ending to the series (i like open endings, oops)

i wanted this fic to be about meeting in the middle, thematically. that’s why i ended up going with the two POVs this round instead of the before/now split. also as i was writing it, i realized this fic was about intersecting moments where TDoKR was about being separated. i decided to make that the Big Theme Arc of the series, with a planned final installment about them being together/united.

meeting in the middle also had to do with kylo + rey’s character development. kylo is ben, and becomes a little bit more Light side throughout his travels. meanwhile, rey’s alone and she gets more and more like Aalto the more she chases after him / uses flow walking

i also really wanted to practice fight scenes, so i took liberties there. obviously this is the fic with just. all the fight scenes

i wanted to use this fic to build on kylo’s relationships outside of rey / the relationships he lost when he turned on luke and the temple

i knew the ending of this fic around chapter 8 and wanted to get to it so bad but the middle parts ended up taking longer than i thought lol (it was supposed to be about the same length as TDoKR)

and i’m here aka all the foreshadowing shows up

because i had the fic outlined as much as i did / because i had set up the conclusion with all the time travel stuff, the actual plot for this was pretty much insta-written by the time i finished SDCD. which is why it got completed in like, a month lol

these were all the scenes i had wanted to write since like, midway through TDoKR but had to hold out on doing so

writing time travel fics sucks for this specific reason. I WAITED FOREVER TO WRITE REY SLICING A DESTROYER OPEN WITH A LIGHTSABER AND KYLO RIPPING IT IN HALF FROM THE GROUND

continuing the homage to KOTOR, this fic is basically a mashup of The Leviathan and Rakata Prime stages from the first game

the chapter “fire, fire” was my favorite chapter ever to write out of all the fic i’ve ever written

“and i’m here, home with you” is probably the best chapter in the series imo

all the chapter titles are song lyrics from playlist songs for the series

i really, really enjoyed getting to write out the full circle stuff i set up from the first fic – rey’s memories of engine lights and counting stars one by one by one, kylo’s are you it/ are you?, it’s just another step, etc. i wanted the fic to feel like lots of echoes to kind of riff on kotor 2′s premise

the ending is left open for Reasons. one day i hope to get to write them :’D

#long post #asks!#fanfic #series: crossroads #crossroads #cataclyzmic #meme

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pmanisha · 6 years

Text

The ending!

-- 12:18PM --

01 July 2018

yes so where was I :D its 6PM, no network, no police, none to guide .. Nitin was saying for the first time we are like we need police at this point :D to help us :D we did wait from 5:30 to 5:50 PM and patience was at zero level :D we lost all our hope :D seriously its now like i am laughing by recalling but imagining the situation i sometimes fear too! what we would all alone in a jungle like place do where there is none and jus 10 humans amidst such a gigantic falls and the great uninvited guests ..animals who can intervene our journey anytime :D

So we decided that we wont wait and waste time, we will travel back! how? no other go! walk again :P the moment we started back, we heard the train sound! Ah! that happiness! It was simply on top of the world :D we were like what a perfect ending, we got train too :D so we decided.. lets start waving the train with dark objects so that they see us from far and stop :P :D we had red jackets and used them to wave :D End of story! Nay pls! how come this would be the end :D to our surprise the train didnt stop! In fact it was so going slow, the driver rather increased the speed of the train and also waved his hand at us and said Noooo! arghhhh!!!! that moment! our faces specially me :| it had become so yuck looking! i lost my patience :/ i was frustrated :| albeit i had fear more about next couple of hours as what we would do.. how we would get back in dark.. how to walk back again and what if its more darker than expected :D i was snubbing the driver for minimum ten minutes as what big thing would have happened if the train was stopped for helpless 10 people :D i was yelling as no humanity no courtesy to ack people too :P :D

Well nothing was going in our way so Santosh said lets get back till Sonalium! we remembered the station which was just 3KM from falls location. So we rushed in such a way as if it was a walkathon I would say even we would defeat Usain Bolt in a marathon :D everybody so tired after 12KM walk yet were walking brisk so as to get back soon :D in a short span of just 45 minutes we were at Sonalium Station :D pat on the back ;) :D :P :D

This was certain kind of relief where we could see a house and meet a guy, we all would be thankful to him forever who helped us and let us know that next goods train is around 8:30PM and asked to wait. Sitting under a tree and relaxing for sometime, eating something out of whatever remained from our bought repository :D even here there was a problem! Leech! :/ Made us stand again till the train arrived, meanwhile we were all wet, dresses completely wet, it again rained and rained and rained.....

Finally heard the train sound hooting again :D breath was difficult thinking if would stop for us or not :P goods train of course slow waved to train again this time Thank God driver didnt say no :D but surprisingly train didnt stop at the place where it actually had to! so it was moving ahead! This driver too literally threw us in a tizz all again!

Akash, Akshay, Amit, Ganesh had boarded at the last section of the train and were asking us to run fast! So left out were Ishwar Lakshmi Nitin Sai Santosh and Me! Legs were paining to the core! we literally had forgot that! All that in mind was catch the train! Didnt even bother that we were not running on road infact on railway track! was shouting as torch torch to Ishwar as I was unable to see track, Ishwar bhai being so selfless was by the side of me, Nitin on left me in the middle and Ishwar at right.. Behind was Lakshmi who was being motivated by Santosh as come on luccha you can do it :D Santosh Sai and Lakshmi running .... ahhhhhh!!!!! train did STOPPPP .. Wanna say this again! TRAIN STOPPED :) damn it! :D

All ten of us finally in the train.. She was almost scared as dead and tears rolled out, all I could do was hug her and console that we did it :D within minutes we all were in a big elite state :D and joy knew no bounds :D recalled how deadly those pre-hours were that just passed! a deadly plus the most memorable adventurous trip ever :) enjoyed the fireflies in the thick jungle for the first time..! it was simply eye-catchy <3 some things.. as I always say.. they can only be felt and it was this moment :) :)

reached Kollem, thanked the train guy ten times :D we all were sooo sooo happy :D left from the place, calls were continuous after all network was back :D yay! back in town! moved from Kollem to Belagavi, had to stay at Belagavi next day :P as we missed out 10:30PM bus :D and had to meet on hangout for my app builder training. Luckily finished it and back to hyderabad on tuesday, rushed to the daily routine for another meer general shift meet up :D

Thats all for today :D this was in draft state and a little touch up and yep! hit post :D Good Night!

10 July 2018 (20:53 hrs)

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askdurianrider · 7 years

Note

Freeliar or is it Freelee (the name you chose for her that she continues to use) absolutely just sledged the shit out of u on tumblr. Claims u r scum for slandering her online and then she goes on to do so even more aggressively. Sorry Freeliar you are wrong here. U were obviously sleeping with the Labrador prior to breaking up with DR. The proof of this is how quick he moved in with u after the breakup. I wish for your sake she would move on, but she is obviously terribly jealous of Tori.

True words spoken.

I forgive Freelee and Robin for what they did. Ive moved on from that. You can see my posts are more banter vs acidic spite like hers.

I just want my website back and for her to pay the money she promised me she would. I just want us on the same page as colleagues vs in court.

I don’t want her back. I was happy to set her free. I was no longer happy and neither was she. Nothing lasts forever but it doesnt mean you have to be enemies. FL just can’t be friends with her ex’s. I can. FL is the first ex who has done this sort of stuff. It is very disappointing.

She loves the half truths!.

1. She left Thailand when Robin left to Nepal. Her and Ness travelled back together. She didnt have to ‘urgently go home to prevent Harley from stealing stuff’ lol. I didnt even have the key to her house and there is nothing there that I would steal lol. Im not exactly broke like Robin is. I don’t need to steal or sponge of anyone to fund my lifestyle.

2. Freelee’s mum picked me up from the airport August 21st 2016. If I was ‘such scum’ then how come I was welcome to stay at Freelee’s place? I was staying with a mate up the road and then FL said I could stay in the spare room so I did. Yes it is true FL would walk around naked in front of me and ask me to give my opinion on some new lingerie she had just bought. Yes it is true I did grab her in a sexual manner just like I had done the previous 9 years. Yes it is true we did sleep together after we had broken up in Thailand and I do believe if I persisted we would have hooked up again but I felt it was not the best thing to do as it could just make things more complicated.

3. Yes it is true FL paced me on my ebike whilst I rode my bike. The power data is there to show it. I felt it was fair as the other guys had a big bunch of strong riders to draft behind and it is such a fast climb that drafting is essential to be up the front on the leaderboard. I was still at a disadvantage because FL is so short I didnt get much of a draft but it was good to have someone to pace off. Any experienced rider knows you can push harder when you have someone in front to chase or pace off. Id like FL to explain why there is power and cadence data if I was on the Specialized Turbo. It would literally be impossible to get that data from that bike as the motor puts out 750w alone! I only averaged between 320w and 385w for the various segments. You can even see my youtube videos where FL is filming me via the go pro.

4. FL routinely gets botox injections. You can see how she has no wrinkle in between her eyes. She also gets face fillers and hides it by using heavy filter in her vids.

5. If Im such a player how come Ive got a GF? Why don’t I keep living my ‘rock n roll’ lifestyle?

6. When we met FL was overweight, out of breath, living in a place she hated, working in a job she resented, was so lost she was just hooking up with steroid fueled bodybuilder guys who only wanted her for sex. I took her under my wing, help her 100% clear her 30k of debt and we bailed to Radelaide. We sold her car and she bought a bike with the money. I motivated her to upload her first youtube videos and also showed her how to monetise her youtube account. I pressured her mum to not loan her any money for a new computer. The reason that was is I wanted her to get her first ebook ‘go fruit yourself’ up online. It only took her about a week to finish it. I helped her end her fear of calories. The rest is history.

7. Come on FL lets end this childish crap. You know I have more receipts and Ive more info that I really don’t think its appropriate to release. Lets just leave it as is and put our energy into better things. I know you love drama and sledging people (your channel is only famous for that and your biggest hitting videos are you sledging other people) but I don’t love drama and sledging as much as you do, especially when it is about someone I helped out as much as I did with you. This isnt the tennis match I want to do anymore.

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sungrcwn · 7 years

Note

📱

( my muse’s five last sent texts yours )

( sent to ❝ gwen + robo ❞ — 3:37 PM ) im just going to go ahead and apologize in advance if thats ok

( sent to ❝ gwen + robo ❞ — 3:39 PM ) there might be an influx of students w/ poison ivy in ur office today

( sent to ❝ gwen + robo ❞ — 3:39 PM ) it was 100% an accident but there may have been a period of like four hours where the entire south wall of the school was kinda sorta covered in it

( sent to ❝ gwen + robo ❞ — 3:43 PM ) well okay i was trying to enhance a couple of the climbing vines this morning to make it look nice but i got distracted by this little family of ladybugs just hangin out in the grass by the bottom of the trellis

( sent to ❝ gwen + robo ❞ — 3:43 PM ) long story short i thought it was fragrant sumac but it definitely was not and i fixed it now but i cant guarantee anyone didnt touch it and did i mention i am very sorry because i am

( my muse’s five last unsent texts yours )

( drafted — 2:17 AM ) ok this might seem completely out of left field but i have a question and ive been thinking about it for like a solid half hour so i thought i would ask because youre one of the smartest people i know and most qualified probably to offer your thoughts

( drafted — 2:25 AM ) alright so like… from a medical standpoint are people with different mutations like, different to heal? like if someone with the gift to shapeshift into animals was hurt while they were in their animal form, would you have to have to treat them in that form or does their genetic makeup somehow transfer the wounds when they shift back?

( drafted — 2:37 AM ) and what if it was like an injury that occurs in an organ that the animal has but that the persons natural human form doesnt? like what if theyd transformed into a woodpecker and maybe they try to peck at a tree thats just a little too hard and they hurt their beak how does a beak injury translate in the human anatomy if they shift back? or if they were a spider and something happened to their chelicerae? i dunno these are just random examples

( drafted — 2:51 AM ) but ok speaking of spiders okay what about if by some horrible tragedy while as a spider they happened to lose a leg? ive seen that in the garden before, spiders walking around with six or seven legs and i wonder how it happens but the point is that it does sometimes and so like what if they lose one of eight legs in spider form will they still have lost a whole limb in human form or only half because of like… fractions and science? or is it possible that they keep all their limbs and instead it manifests as phantom spider leg pains? is that leg gone forever if they choose to shift into a spider again? what if it was a different kind of spider?

( drafted — 2:57 AM ) did your job require veterinary training?

( my muse’s last snapchat to yours )

( x ) w/ the caption ❝ setting up giant game of twister for the students w/ callum and we need a ref !! ❞ followed by a separate text snap w/ ❝ please say yes we could always do it but now that were finished it looks awesome and we both kinda want to play ❞

( what my muse saved your number as )

❝ gwen + robo ❞ ( because yes, he has probably facetimed her JUST to see robocop before lbr )

( what contact photo my muse has set for yours )

( x )

( what ringtone my muse has set for yours )

idk why but for some reason i just imagine topher has, like… tons of different bird sounds saved to his phone?? like he’s just got a bunch of like ten second clips of various little bird songs he’s recorded around the property and he tries to collect different ones and uses them as ringtones for his friends and he actually thinks really hard about who gets which one and why?? gwen’s ringtone is the soft hoo of a spotted owl he heard in the woods one night bc owls represent wisdom and he thinks she’s probs one of the wisest ( at very least, smartest ) people he knows.

( how many times my muse has called your this week? )

probably not very often. he prefers having conversations face to face, and since they both work at the school, she’s never that far away. ( that doesn’t stop him from almost-sending her long-winded text messages in the middle of the night when he’s thinking too hard about the most ridiculous shit, though. but fortunately for gwen, topher is usually too high in those hours moments to realize when he’s not actually hitting the send button. )

( how many calls has my muse missed from yours? )

one. because after he sent her the lengthy text apology for the poison ivy incident, he realized it was a situation he probably should’ve explained in person, and he immediately started toward the nurse’s office when he saw her calling.

#bencficent #☼ • → a n s w e r e d #( * nature wears the colors of the spirit | event sixteen )#( tbh i really did not expect this to get this long?? )#( esp not the unsent texts but i just started imagining him high af and thinking to text her in the middle of the night )#( with some of the most random ass questions )#( and i just got carried away idk this entire thing is 100% ridiculous )

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sugagimmesugar · 5 years

Text

Only Fools fall for You Chapter 2

The second chapter of my ReaderXNamjoon fic. First chapter is here. Hope you enjoy! Please give me some feedback if you can spare a minute! Thank you 💜🤟

———————————————————————

“Why are you laughing?”, she asks, confused by his reaction.

His face drops, unsure whether to tell the girl he just met about RapMonster. Why can’t he just be Namjoon for a day? A few seconds of silence as he struggles to decide who to be today…..

Both. Both Namjoon and RM.

“ Actually, that’s me, I am RM. I am kind of on holiday right now, at least I have the whole day today and until tomorrow at 12 off, but in general I am in town for almost a week cause my band is playing some shows here. I was trying to be just Namjoon today but… I am RM too. Thanks for the compliment by the way, nobody’s ever recommended my own music to me.” He shoots her a shy smile, taking in her shocked reaction. Seconds later her expression changes to a mocking grin.

“Yea sure. Hozier my old buddy just popped by last week. I should really start a wall of fame in this place, with all these international celebrities dropping by all the time.” She rolls her eyes at him and leaves him sitting at the bar alone.

With a sigh, Namjoon takes out his phone, opening Spotify and starting up a playlist. “only fools fall for you” he hadnt missed everything from her recommended album after all. While fixing a playlist he was lost in thought. He really liked this girl, hopefully he didnt scare her away. Suddenly he comes to a solution, how he can easily convince her that he isnt just some dickhead being cocky. He quickly checks with his manger, who reluctantly agrees.

A few minutes later, she returns, an annoyed expression on her face.

“Show me your music then, RM.”, she says, dragging out his name in a mocking manner and looking him straight in the eye.

“I am working on a proper playlist right now. But, I actually have a little, well, lets say a proposal for you.” He smirks, taking in her surprised and questioning expression. “How about, I repay you for this coffe tonight? As in, I buy you a drink. And we actually talk a bit. If you end up liking me and we enjoy each others company as much as I think we could… I fixed a backstage pass for the show tomorrow for you. It’s just an opportunity, I dont wanna push anything on you. I just think you could have a fun night out.” She is looking shocked… again… So after a few seconds of awkward silence he decides to get back to the most important thing: “...Please, show me some more of your music! I’m really liking it so far.”, he laughs. He can see her processing what he just said. He cant help but smile at her overwhelmed look.

She shakes her head, a cautious smile on her lips, and turns to help some customers who just entered the store.

As he picks up his phone again he sees it blowing up.

*BTS GroupChat*

Hobi: RM youre bringing a girl tomorrow?

Jin: When did you meet a girl?

Jin: You havent even been out that long? Why bring her to the concert already?

JK: oooh hyung met a girl!

JK: Is she cute?

JK: Is it a date?

JK: Send a pic!

Joon: I met her today, we are getting along great and she doesnt believe me that I am RM so I decided to prove it to her. Also maybe its a date? We will see! She hasnt even said yes yet…..

Hobi: She hasnt even said yes yet? Well done, bro.

RM: JK I cant just take a picture of her, thats creepy.

Suga: why are you guys blowing up my phone like this? let rm try to get some swedish ass and let me nap.

V: *pic of him and Jimin doing the finger heart* cheering for u hyung!

He laughs, everybody is reacting as expected.

Getting back to the playlist he finally decides to add some BTS songs. Why not brag and prepare her for tomorrow night? He keeps on adding to the list, waiting for her to return.

“Wow, how many “favourites” do you have?” he almost jumps at the voice suddenly right behind him.

“You didnt tell me there was a maximum number of songs allowed. I am making a playlist, putting in everything I like that you might like aswell.” he turns around, facing her with a smile.

“I guess that’s valid…. But there’s no way I can listen to all that before our drink later. How ‘bout a top ten? And show me some of your band’s stuff, I wanna know what kinda concert I’m committing to before I say yes to you, stranger.” she laughs, picking up his empty coffee and putting down a notepad in front of him. “Write me a top ten list of songs you recommend by your band and some other stuff. I’ll put it on here at the store and then we can see what i decide.” she turns to leave with a wink.

He grabs her arm: “Wait, you believe me all of a sudden?”

“First of all, you can’t just grab me like that, I am still theoretically at work, even though there isnt much to do. Secondly, I googled you, dumbass. Can’t really deny that you have the same face as RM… So I believe you. Its fucking weird, yes, but I guess the dude who’s album I have been spamming for days somehow found his way to me.” Another wink and she leaves him to sit alone… again.

A top ten list, with songs to convince her to come to the concert tomorrow? That’s surprisingly much pressure.

1. Eternal Sunshine by Epik High

2. Midsummer Madness by 88rising

3. So Far Away by Agust D

4. I can give you heaven by HONNE

5. U by HER

6. Personal by Kehlani

7. Make it Right by BTS

8. Spring Day by BTS

9. Baepsae by BTS

10. Mikrokosmos by BTS

It takes him a while but eventually he finds a way to narrow it down to 10 songs. Some of his general favourites but through the view of what y/n could like.

With a broad, dimpled grin, he waves her over. She just throws up a peace sign and nods, acknowledging his wave. A few minutes later she saunters over, two coffees in her hands.

“Thought we could both use some more caffeine, RapMonster.” she says with a small giggle. He flinches and she quickly continues “Anyways, I am ready for your list! I saw you redo it so many times I was afraid you weren’t gonna finish it today. So, hand it over and I will put it on. Any special order or just any of them? Is it a ranking?”

“Ok, so it’s not a ranking or anything, just the 10 songs I decided fit your taste best, or at least I hope so. BTS, as you know, is the group I am part of, so you can take those last. Agust D is one of the other members in the group and the song is from his solo-mixtape. Since you liked mine so much I thought you might like his stuff, too. Other than that it’s some friends of mine and general songs I jam to myself. I hope you like it.” He hands her the notepad, his 4 earlier drafts already in the trashcan closest to him. She takes it and smiles: “Oh, Kehlani! I love her! Let me just queue these and then I will be right back for the coffee.”

The two sit and drink coffee while the music plays, only occasionally interrupting the listening silence for some lyric explanations.

With the time being close to closing time, the store is empty once again, and unbothered by customers, y/n has slowly started swaying and occasionally dancing along to the music, fixing small things around the store or just dancing up and down behind the bar, just going along with the music. When “Make it Right” starts, she is fixing the last small things behind the bar. He can see her really jamming to the music and it makes him smile, he knows that ARMY loves the song and he has seen the stats and all that, but it’s something different to see someone in front of you, in such a casual way, just enjoying themselves and your music.

** Oh, oh, I can make it Right**

As the chorus hits, she is just grinning at him, dancing around him and actually singing along to it, messily since she doesn’t know the lyrics but still. A bright smile lights up his face at the view, as he watches her move through the room, putting away their mugs and lastly going to get her stuff, getting ready to leave. She emerges with a leather jacket over her arm and a bag on her shoulder. As the last notes of “Make it Right” are sounding out, she hits the pause button.

“Sorry, I’m gonna have to stop this here. I gotta lock up now so we gotta get going. Is it chill if we head to pub right away? I need to eat something before I can let you buy me a drink. I know a nice small place close to here, I doubt any of your fans would go there, so you don’t have to worry about getting recognized.” She shoots him an apologetic look as she turns off everything at the register. He gets up and gets ready to leave, waiting for her just outside the shop.

“Lead the way, you’re the local. I’ll eat anything and to be honest I am not picky with pubs, I would just prefer not to cause a scandal tonight by getting photographed at a pub with a girl.”

She laughs, “Oh god yea that would be bad. It’s just this way. Let’s go!”

0 notes

sumergosuigeneris · 5 years

Text

January 31, 2019 Part I

I didn’t get to posting yesterday because of the whole internet thing. I thought about deleting the draft, but it made me feel so bad?lonely? I had to post it. Odd, but I guess we all have our things.

My anxiety is bad this morning. More of the nausea crap. Not sure why specifically today.

Yesterday ended up interesting. It might be little, but the boss, I think, talked to me more yesterday than in a while, so maybe I got a brownie point for being in. To be honest, I don’t see why it was so bad to go in yesterday, because this morning is, relatively speaking, just as bad. So what if there are pipes leaking everywhere?

I’m at the other location this morning, to hopefully get that fucking coffee maker fixed. We’ll see if he comes out.

Last night wasn’t so bad at all. I spent most of it reading my book, so the radio was just as good as a tv show I’d have on in the background. It reminded me of the years, yes I said years, that I couldn’t afford cable or internet where I lived.

I made my turkey pot roast. I felt like a dumbass because I had thought it was cooking all day yesterday, but no. I think the socket blew or something. I hit the reset, but didn’t feel it click or anything. Anyway, I plugged it in the other and it cooked. It smelled/smells funny. Not sure if it’s because I used a pot roast spices packet, but I only used a bit, so...I had it on low all night. I tried a bit of it this morning, and damned if the piece of shredded turkey I tried was dry as fuck! How? Slow cooker, plus what ended up being almost as much liquid as in a soup, and the turkey is dry?

I did miss the ability to look up things as they occurred to me, like why does my scalp hurt. And to post/scroll on here. And I didn’t have a clock since I’d turned off my phone to save battery since I lost my charger AGAIN. I really cannot keep track of anything for very long.

It was still dark out when I woke. Apparently I’d been dreaming of things from middle school???? I read some more of my book then went back to sleep. When I got up again, I read some more with my morning coffee. I determined to finish it before going to work. But I knew that was bad, so went to work. Turns out I actually left just a few minutes later than I would have if I had a clock to go by. Nice!

Thought a bit about archery this morning. Tried the idea of staying with the club even if not on the team. I don’t know. Right now, I guess I’m just glad to get my Saturday mornings back. Like, this Saturday, I can go get 1 tire.

Never asked about the discount on my rent. Might save it for next month. My task this week or next will be to have courage enough to pay some of my old tuition bill. I’m less anxious than I was because I’m hopeful I can sign in to pay without going near my transcript. We shall see.

#me

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topsolarpanels · 7 years

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Nevada’s solar workers and customers reel as new rules ‘shut down’ industry

Companies struggle after state imposes highest charges yet on customers, driving firms out of the state and workers out of jobs

The conversation at SolarCitys hollowed-out warehouse in Las Vegas felt like it came after a funeral, and in a sense it did, with workers cycling between sadness, disbelief and anger at the untimely death of the rooftop solar industry.

fixed rate states solar power

The cause, as seen by workers drifting in to clean out their belongings, was state-assisted suicide, after the Nevada regulator imposed costly newrules for residential solar customers.

The decision to replace economic incentives with new higher fees pulled the carpet out from under an industry that provided 8,700 jobs in the state last year, according to the Solar Foundation, and stranded some 17,000 homeowners who have already gone solar with a financial liability on their rooftops.

Three companies, including SolarCity, announced they were quitting the state, laying off about 1,000 workers.

Everyone in this warehouse was let go, 550 people across the valley, said Chandler Gray, who lost his job as an installations inspector for SolarCity.

The havoc turned solar panels into a hot topic for Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton ahead of the Nevada caucuses on 20 February.

Call it the solar wars. From Arizona to California to Florida and now Nevada, states are struggling to reconcile residential solar with its promise to give homeowners greater independence while fighting climate change with highly centralised business models of the electricity industry.

California and a number of other states eventually defeated efforts by energy companies and corporate lobby groups to claw back incentives for solar customers.

Three companies, including SolarCity, announced they would leave the state following the new rules. Photograph: Jacob Kepler for the Guardian

Now Nevada has raised the stakes, levying the highest charges to date and breaking with convention to impose those charges on existing customers as well as new ones.

The solar showdown pits Elon Musk, the electric car billionaire and cofounder of SolarCity, against Warren Buffett, owner of the states monopoly electricity provider NV Energy.

The new rules, confirmed on 12 February, raised the monthly fees to solar customers from $12.75 to $38.51 over 12 years while dramatically cutting back the rates that customers were paid earlierfor feeding surplus power back into the grid from about 11 cents a kilowatt hour to about two cents.

Homeowners who are suing NV Energy in a class action estimate the new rates add 40% to their monthly bills, while reducing the amount they get paid for the solar energy their panels produce by 18%.

SolarCitys warehouse was still plastered with posters advertising the infinite power of the sun but the companys power to change the residential roofline of Nevada cities was, for the moment, gone.

opposition solar power nevada

Orders stopped the moment the new rules came out, Gray said.

Until the axe fell, SolarCity was shipping up to 1,600 solar systems a week from this and one other warehouse in southern Nevada. It used to be like Raiders of the Lost Ark when you went into this warehouse, he said

It was massive, Gray went on. Then they dropped the bomb.

Gray, who saw SolarCity as an escape from dead-end retail jobs, was let go. So was his partner, who also worked for SolarCity. Our household income was zero for a couple of weeks there, Gray said.

His partner was rehired and Gray hopes he will get taken on too. But for the moment he is looking after their six-year-old son, and campaigning for a ballot initiative to overturn the rules. We are going to fight to bring solar back, and once we do, we will get our jobs back too, he said.

SolarCity is keeping its Las Vegas headquarters in an upscale shopping mall where the glass conference rooms are decorated with the names of island vacation destinations like Aruba and Maui.

But the office will operate mainly as a sales center. Roz Holdens last day arrives on 21 February, after which the top saleswoman plans to put her four-bedroom house on the market and move into a rental just to keep costs down and start hunting for work.

The company offered Holden a job in its call centre or to move her to another state, but neither was a good option for a single mother supporting two daughters who are firmly settled in Las Vegas.

nevada solar power holdout states

Even now, Holden still cant fully believe the good times for solar are over in Nevada. Its unfathomable, she said. We expected some changes this year, but we didnt expect they would shut us down completely. It was quite shocking.

SolarCity arrived in Nevada in 2014, shaking up the market for rooftop solar with a leasing plan that allowed homeowners with good credit ratings to put solar panels on their rooftops with no money down.

The company could barely keep up with demand until 22 December, when the new rules were announced. We literally stopped business within that hour, pulled installs off the roof, finished up the jobs we had within that hour and we were done, Holden said. It pretty much shut down the industry.

Some of their customers were caught in limbo, like Kelly and Charisma Schwarze, whose installation was completed but whose panels have still not been switched on by the electricity company.

The couple had been excited to go solar, once the leasing option put it in their budget. Now I feel like we are being punished for trying to do the right thing, Kelly Schwarze, an independent film-maker, said.

For Mike Stitely, the new rules destroyed the tiny thrill he got each day when he checked the iPad to see how much electricity was being produced from the 16 panels on his roof.

Stitleys wife is still working, at Walmart, but he is retired. He is very worried about higher bills, and selling the house when the stairs become too much. People are going to be scared off, he said.

nevada solar power fightback states

It blows my mind and really upsets me, Stitley said. Its pretty high anxiety. At this time of your life you like to know what is going on.

The public utilities commission (PUC) claims solar customers were not paying their fair share for maintaining the grid. When solar rooftop ratepayers reduce energy consumption with solar generation, they lower their bills at the full retail energy rate, which includes charges not only for fuel costs but also for fixed and demand costs; these fixed and demand costs do not go down simply because the rooftop solar ratepayers consume less energy, Peter Kostes, a spokesman, wrote in an email. Solar rooftop ratepayers are under-paying.

Patricia Farley, a Republican state senator who drafted a bill last year to revise the states solar policies, claimed solar was only for rich people, and that the new rules were fairer for all Nevadans.

We dont see people with lower income putting solar on their homes, Farley said. I think if you looked at who bought solar, you dont really see diversity. You have got people who can afford it, and some of the experts told me the people who cant afford it are paying the difference.

But the new rules struck clean energy advocates and campaign groups as retrograde. Instead of limiting rooftop solar, Nevada should be promoting residential arrays as a means of fighting climate change and diversifying the electricity grid, in case of natural disaster or attack, they argued.

Clinton issued a statement saying it was punitive to change the rules on existing homeowners. Bernie Sanders, who met with solar installers in Reno, said it was just wrong.

Rooftop solar is also likely to figure in next Novembers elections.

The SolarCity offices in Las Vegas. Photograph: Jacob Kepler for the Guardian

This is an existential battle for the future of solar being waged right now in front of regulatory bodies, said Adam Browning, director of the Vote Solar campaign group. It is really about who gets to decide how much solar is installed and who owns it.

Others see the solar wars as an uncomfortable blip on an inevitable energy transition.

encouraging solar power nevada

Solar was barely on the radar when Louise Helton went into the solar business in 2007, inspired by hearing Bill Clinton describe his vision of Nevada as a Saudi Arabia for solar energy.

She went on to found 1 Sun Solar, offering residential solar installations out of the same shopfront where she runs her electrical contracting and stone tile business.

After the recession hit, landing harder on Las Vegas than other towns, it took until 2011, when the prices of solar panels began coming down, for Helton to get her business up and running.

By Heltons own estimates, she stands to lose about $500,000 a year because of the PUC decision. But she is relatively philosophical about the eventual outcome of the solar wars.

Its sort of the same problem we had to go through when you first had cellphones. Ma Bell wasnt happy, Helton said. It was a disruptive technology that changed industry, that took it from being top-down and inverted that pyramid completely.

It was clear which side was going to win the end, Helton said. And then she picked up her cellphone and smiled.