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gwynrielsupremacy · 3 years

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Time to rest your weary head: Part 13!

IT TOOK ME LONG ENOUGH, but it is here!!! As I explained before, I was facing the last weeks of my semester, delivering final papers and such, but now I'm freee!!!! I thank you all for your patience and eternal support, really <3 hope you like this one! :)))

Also tagging some of my beautiful readers <3 @madie2200 @katiebellf @starbornsinger

Last thing: I wanna leave here my praise to all fic writers and fanfiction and headcanons I had the pleasure of reading on this website; you all inspire me so much, and I’m glad to say I am a part of such a beautiful net of sharing and reading other’s stories :) you are awesome and you inspire me to keep on writing! Thank you :)

Check out the Chapter List and Part 12 if you haven't read it yet!

It was late, but Azriel didn’t mind. He felt like he could explode: like all of a sudden, all his life made much more sense.

He had a mate.

That mate was Gwyn.

And Gwyn had kissed him.

As he jumped off the balcony at the House of Wind, diving fast before soaring, he couldn’t contain his grin. His heart hadn’t stopped thundering in his chest ever since he got to her door. They kissed, and he sensed her affection and desire as sure as she had felt his. He held her in his arms, just like he had that night all those weeks ago. And he had missed so badly doing so, he realized the second he felt her hand on his cheek, caressing him in a way no one ever had, before she enlaced her arms behind his neck.

He felt like a teenager, his Ilyrian hormones pumping through his body, making him restless and euphoric. He wanted so bad to go back, to just stay with her, to make up any excuse to see her, to wake her up, to lay down with her. To spend every second he had right next to her, learning all the different ways he could make her glow.

For so long, he deemed himself worthless; tainted and scarred and damaged. But now he could see that perhaps that wasn’t true. He was hurt, but he could heal; everyone had a past, and it shouldn’t prevent them from living their present. And Gwyn… She was the reason he started believing that. That he had hope left, and that maybe…. Maybe he could care about himself just like others cared about him.

It took a second to realize he was crying. Alone, just him and his shadows, as he soared and spun across the night sky, he was crying. Sobbing and laughing uncontrollably at the same time. He breathed in and out, trying to calm his racing heart, but he still let the tears flow; he still kept smiling, the image of Gwyn’s face never fading from his mind.

Feeling the cold wind across his face, he landed on the pathway to the River House. It was all dark, but he could see a dim light from one of the windows. Rhys’s study.

Rhys. He lowered his mental shields enough so he could voice his brother’s name. Are you there?

Silence, before Rhys’s voice sounded. Yes. Are you alright?

I need to talk to you. May I come in?

He heard footsteps approaching the front door, and then Rhysand was staring at him, violet eyes dark in the dim light. “Come in, brother.”

He was greeted by the image of Nesta facing him, that huge portrait that Feyre had painted some time ago, after The Blood Rite. The house was silent, and all he could hear was his steps as he followed Rhysand to his study.

When he closed the door, Rhysand had just sat down at his armchair.

“Are Feyre and Nyx asleep?”

“Fortunately. The kid’s been having some trouble sleeping these last few months, therefore so have we.” He snorted, but smiled fondly at the thought of his family. “Sit down, Az.”

He obliged, and felt the way Rhys sized him up, trying to decipher what was going on with him. And although Azriel’s expression yielded nothing, he didn’t make an effort to wipe away his tears from before; so his brother was probably putting up the pieces together by now.

Azriel didn’t leave enough time for him to do so, as he again talked to him mentally.

Gwyn is my mate. But I reckon you already know that.

I do. I suppose it didn’t go well, then.

And Cauldron-damn him if he didn’t start laughing at that. And not a bitter one, but a true, genuine chuckle that made Rhys’s brows shot up and a bemused smile appeared on his face.

“It went more than well, actually.” Azriel corrected, shaking his head as he looked to the ground, still smiling. “And that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Oh?” His brother shifted in his seat, resting his elbows in his knees and interlocking his fingers.

So Azriel explained what Rhys needed to do for them. He honestly didn’t care if his family knew or not about their mating bond, but was well aware Gwyn might need some time to adjust – and the required privacy to do so. And that was fine with him; as long as he was able to spend time with her, he’d be happy. In any way she wanted.

When he was finished, they stood in silence for a couple of seconds.

“So, I see you have your shot at happiness in your hands at last, brother.” Rhysand stated, with a knowing smile on his face.

“I do.”

“She was very good at refraining from telling you. Of course, I didn’t mean to pry when I found out. But do you know why I read her thoughts that night?”

Azriel shook his head, and watched as his brother declared with a low tone.

“She was just sitting there, in a midst of people whom she didn’t have familiarity with, and you were by your usual spot, talking to Mor. And she was just staring at you, eyes full of an emotion I couldn’t decipher, but I knew what that gesture meant. She couldn’t keep herself from looking at you, just as you couldn’t stop from glancing at her time and time again during the evening: like you were drawn to each other. I was going to ask her if she needed to talk about it, though I knew it was none of my business and she was unlikely to do so, but then I read her thoughts about you being mates.”

“That’s why I didn’t meddle in. I was witnessing something way bigger than me, and I think you know what I mean.” He finished, and completed “That’s why I - and Feyre - kept quiet about it.”

All Azriel could do was laugh quietly again at the mention of his High Lady. “Of course she’d know.”

“My dear brother, I learned by experience you shouldn’t keep things from your mate, even if it is to protect them. You're supposed to walk through it together.” Regret crossed Rhysand’s face at that confession.

Azriel knew that although his brother claimed to hide the details of Feyre’s pregnancy from her not to worry her, it wasn’t exactly fair all the same.

“But I’m certain you’ll learn that with time.” He completed, leaning over to pat Azriel on his knee. “So, don’t worry. I will do as you ask.”

Azriel nodded his thanks and stood up, meaning to leave. But, just as he was reaching the door, a thought occurred and he turned again to his High Lord.

“Rhys” He kept sitting on his chair, staring at him expectantly “It took me long enough to realize, but I’m glad you stopped me that Solstice night.”

Rhysand let out a soft chuckle at that, and bowed his head slightly, raising his glass. Knowing well what Azriel had meant with that.

****

His shadows were restless. He barely slept during the rest of the evening, his mind too awake to give in to slumber. He wouldn’t admit it, but he was slightly nervous to see Gwyn again – and to see if they’re new acknowledged bond would stand out or if Rhysand’s spell would work. He wouldn’t doubt of his High Lord and brother, but still. He wanted to see it for himself.

He stood in the training ring ever since sunrise. Gwyn had gone to her usual morning service and he hadn’t seen her, only felt her absence in the House, both an effect from the mating bond and his shadows, since they were so eager to be around her. So he sparred for hours, waiting for the moment training began and he would see her again.

The priestesses started to arrive right about the time Cassian showed up.

“Morning, brother”

Azriel nodded back, and turned to arrange the practice swords and shields into place, preparing the room.

“How was last night?”

He could sense Cassian’s presence behind him, and the innuendo in his sly tone. Gwyn’s image appeared in his mind once again, her burgundy dress complimenting her body’s every feature. He could feel her in his arms, their proximity and heat, the way he kissed her with all need and tenderness he ever felt towards her, the small sound she made when he pulled her close, pressing their bodies together… He was cut short from his thoughts when Cassian cleared his throat, suppressing a laugh.

“I can scent everything went well, then.”

Fuck.

He started thinking about other things, anything at all, to cover his desiring scent. It wasn’t professional nor respectful to appear that way in front of the Priestesses, even though Cassian and Nesta didn’t seem to mind covering their own arousal multiple times during all these months.

It was right at that moment Cassian’s mate and Gwyn arrived, their voices filling up the air. Azriel was still with his back to the door, and counted a total of five seconds before turning around and facing the deep teal ocean that were Gwyn’s eyes.

Like the seas in Reyna.

His shadows whispered one of Summer Court’s many beaches, the quietest, most isolated and beautiful one. Azriel felt a subtle need to take her there someday, to travel around Prythian with her, to watch her explore and discover the continent, her face lighting up with each new sight.

He casually approached the two females, who were still talking while they began their stretching on the mats.

“Good morning.” He let out, dipping his head a bit.

“Hello.” Gwyn greeted back, meeting his eyes. He watched as she breathed, noticing every detail of her exposed neck and freckled cheeks before meeting her eyes. It was a monumental effort to not scan her entire body and take in all of her curves. She seemed to notice that, and with a thrilling sensation he watched her face blush.

“Good morning to you too, Azriel” Nesta mocked, interrupting their charged silence. “Did you enjoy your evening?”

She directed this particular question to both of them. Gwyn finally tore her eyes away from Azriel, doing nothing to conceal her flushed cheeks.

“Yes.” She nodded a bit timidly, biting down her lip to keep her from smiling further, and met her friend’s inquisitive stare with a sparkle that almost sent Azriel to his knees.

Damn. That female would be the death of him.

“We did indeed.” Azriel found himself agreeing, his voice rough all of a sudden. His shadows reached towards Gwyn, desperately trying to turn her attention to him, to them. He wanted to be lost in those teal eyes again, to be alone with her.

“I’m glad to hear that, Gwyn.” Nesta smiled kindly to Gwyn, honesty and pride in her tone. “Although you’re aware you’ll have to give me more details later.”

Gwyn rolled her eyes but smiled anyway, continuing her warm-up exercises while Nesta stood up. As she went on to stretch her thigh, holding it behind her back, she leaned on Azriel, placing one hand on his shoulder to steady herself and taking advantage of the situation by voicing quietly:

“You hurt my sister and I’ll make you regret it, Spymaster.”

His shadows protectively wrapped around his shoulders, but he was well accustomed to Nesta and they had developed a great friendship after all those months. He could always understand and read through her pain and aggressiveness, even when others didn’t. He did believe her words, though. She, pretty much like him, would do anything to protect the ones she loved.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” He nodded once, staring into her piercing eyes, and she patted his shoulder once, seeming satisfied with his answer, before pushing back and striding towards Cassian.

Gwyn kept stretching on the floor, but he could see she heard everything they said by her amused smile as she watched her friend walking away. Azriel reached his hand towards her, and she faced him again and grabbed it, helping herself up.

They were standing face to face now, hands still intertwined. He could hear Cassian and Nesta organizing the Priestesses in the background, the rustle of robes and training leathers as they moved across the training ring. But he couldn’t care less, not when he was holding his mate’s hand, face mere inches from hers.

“It seems you just got intimated by Nesta, huh?” She teased.

He shrugged: “It’s nothing to which I’m not used to by now.”

She chuckled, her eyes crinkling and her voice a sweet melody to his ears. He couldn’t stop but join her, with a quiet laugh. He could feel both Cassian and Nesta’s stare on them, observing their every move. It didn’t seem like the couple caught up on the scent of their mating bond, even though that faint chill mist mixed with water lilies, the combination of him and her, was currently inebriating his senses.

“Could we see each other later today?” Gwyn surprised him by asking, her big bright eyes waiting expectantly for him to answer.

She took a sudden breath, like she was trying to capture the new scent they shared as well, and Azriel found his lips blooming into a smile, both at the thought and at the request:

“I’d love to.”

She beamed “You can meet me at the library, if you are free.”

Gods, she was stunning. He couldn’t stop counting her freckles, observing the way her ponytail twirled behind her back, marveling at how warm her hand felt against his. What a strange and powerful feeling, he thought; to miss someone with that intensity, to desire more than anything to be close to them at all times.

And Azriel wouldn’t have it any other way.

“I’ll be there.”

***

And so he went. After successfully ignoring most of Cassian and Nesta’s teasing remarks through training and lunch, none of them, however, related to the mating bond, Azriel found himself heading towards the library.

He was greeted by Clotho as soon as he entered the space, her magic pen already moving.

Good afternoon, Azriel. What can I do for you?

“I’m looking for Gwyn.” He cordially bowed his head to the Priestess.

Do you want me to call her?

“Thank you, but there is no need. If you could just tell me in which section she is I’ll meet her there, if that’s ok.”

“Ancient hymns and rituals”, third floor down to the right. You’ll find her.

He swore something about the way that magic pen swirled at the last sentence had a tinge of cheekiness, mischief even. So he gave Clotho a soft smile and went into the depths of the library, descending the stars and carefully avoiding staring directly at any Priestess that walked by, only greeting quietly the ones he knew from training.

As usual, his shadows kept swirling faster and faster with each step closer to Gwyn, excited at the prospect of being alone with her. Well, not alone entirely, but Azriel didn’t particularly care at the moment. He knew the curious eyes directed at them would be much more discreet than the ones at training – or anywhere else, for a matter of fact.

He could hear her before he saw her, humming softly as she labeled and stored a few books back on their spots. His heart thrummed against his chest, and he leaned on a shelf across from where she stood, still absorbed in her task, humming the same sweet melody over and over again.

Before he managed to say anything, one of his shadows darted to touch her hand, and her eyes lifted from the book she was holding and met his, her mouth quirked to the side.

“How long have you been there?” She put down the book and crossed her arms in front of her chest, lifting an eyebrow.

His shadows had encapsulated her shoulders and hair now, in a way that she seemed to be the Shadowsinger, and not him. He commanded them to get back to their places, but in vain. He honestly didn’t know why he even tried anymore.

“Not long.” He finally pushed away from his place by the shelf and stepped towards her, while she did the same.

He grabbed her hand, his thumb feeling her soft skin. His shadows encircled them both now, creating a dark cloud in an already dim-lit room. Gwyn laughed at them; curiously following their patterns with her eyes, hand still intertwined with his.

“They never did that before, with anyone.” Azriel observed the way his shadows expanded and darkened around and above them.

“Well, as you said before, they like me. If I were you, I’d be worried they might run away and come to me. I wouldn’t mind at all. Curious little things.”

When he faced her again she was staring at him with such intent he drew a ragged breath, mind focusing only on the female before him. The poor lighting of this particular hallway made her eyes darken, her pupils dilate, mouth slightly parted. Her copper hair now a shade of deep red, like molten fire. He just wanted to kiss each and every one of her freckles, from her face to her neck and below.

The thought made his body ache for her, his pants growing uncomfortably tight. He breathed deep, once, twice, in order to calm his mind and thoughts, but was cut short when her lips met his.

His arms instantly found their way to her hips, gripping her gently. She tugged her hands in his hair, pressing herself against him as the kiss deepened, her lips parting wider to give him access. He enlaced one arm around her, keeping her close and placing his other hand in the back of her neck. He could hear a song, an ancient melody spreading from them, an array of strings and choirs.

When they parted at last, her eyes were wide.

“Did you hear that?” She whispered as they breathed in each other’s scent. Her hands were still on his hair, and he couldn’t take his hands off her just yet, placing them steadily on her hips once again.

He nodded, smiling, and she laughed silently before continuing: “It was magical.”

He leaned to kiss her once again, stopping for a brief second and silently asking for her permission to continue. She closed her eyes, lifting her face, and a soft sigh escaped her lips when they met his for the second time. It was softer this time, tender. Azriel didn’t know if something could ever feel better than this, than having his mate in his arms; than having Gwyn in his arms.

When they parted, he rested his forehead on hers, their breaths mingling. The scent of their mating bond stronger this time, only enough for them to sense it.

“Do you think they could feel it today?” Gwyn seemed to read his mind. “Our scent.”

He met her ocean eyes and shook his head: “Well, Nesta has a sharp mind, and Cassian knows me my entire life. They definitely suspect something.” He huffed a laugh “But not relating to the bond. They probably think is a crush thing.”

She laughed at him, teasingly: “Is it, Shadowsinger? A crush thing?”

“It’s so much more and you know it, Berdara.” He answered in the same tone, but he knew by the way she swallowed once that she heard the husk in his voice, sensing the promise in his words.

Someone is near. Priestesses.

His shadows curled around his ear and he retreated a step, just enough to allow a casual distance between them. Gwyn turned her head to the sound of robes shuffling by, and looked at him again. “Care to join me?” She offered, nodding towards the cart with a loving smile.

“Gladly.”

They fell into a comfortable routine after Gwyn taught him how to shelve the books she cataloged and labeled; sometimes she hummed or sang something to herself, and it was usually at those times when he paused what he was doing, bewitched by her voice. Even the movements of the other Priestesses seemed to still when Gwyn sang, the whole world going quiet. Usually, though, she noticed the subtle halt in his movements after a few moments, and interrupted herself by laughing at his reaction.

If Azriel could exchange the work he did as a Spymaster to just label and store books with Gwyn the whole afternoon, he would. Even if he knew the importance of his work, he would trade everything in a heartbeat just to be with her. Or perhaps he really needed a break.

There was a time in which he thought his spying to be the only thing that he was meant to do. And there was so much in it that he disliked: the torture, the gore. But maybe… Maybe it was time for him to start making some changes. For his sake, and the ones he loved.

“What are you thinking about?”

Her quiet voice distracted him from his thoughts. He shook his head, shelving another book, and turned to her, finding her kind eyes staring straight back at him. “It’s nothing.”

“Az.” Gwyn reached for him, holding his hand in hers “You know you can tell me.”

“It’s just” He gazed at their joint hands and sighed “I did such bad things in the past, and have been doing it for so long… I'm tired of it.”

She lifted a hand and brushed her fingers against his skin, meeting his stare. “You did a lot of great things too, Azriel. Like helping your friends, your family, your people… And me.” She smiled, reassuringly. “You were the one who saved me that night all those nights ago, and then helped me stand up back on my feet every morning after it. You helped me become who I am today.”

Her tenderness broke him, touched a place inside him he was just starting to realize he had, and he took a deep breath before he took her hands in his, lifting them to meet his lips. The only possible reaction he could have to all that gentleness without allowing tears to fall; and he prayed to the Mother it could convey everything he felt.

The way Gwyn smiled and leaned in to softly kiss his cheek gave him his answer.

#awwwwwww #sorry it took me so long #gwynriel #gwyneth berdara #azriel and gwyn #post acosf #gwynriel fanfiction #gwynriel fics #i live for gwynriel

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monochromaticvision · 3 years

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hi!! if you'd like to, "nobody's seen you in days" for beauyasha from the prompt list? absolutely no pressure though!! ❤️

Thank you for the prompt!!

Okay I know this took a few days but I finally got around to writing it and it got a bit out of hand oops.

I hope you like it!

Beau has been going out of her mind. She knew it wasn’t unusual for her and Yasha to not see each other for a few days. Although it didn’t happen that often, it came with the job sometimes. Running around the continent meant that occasionally you couldn’t be home and had to miss your girlfriend for a couple of days. It happened.

However, Beau always knew were Yasha was, broadly speaking. They valued their communication and they always told each other when they had to go off somewhere for a bit. When Yasha went to Caduceus’ for a few days and Beau couldn’t come because she was neck deep in papers and books she at least knew where she could find her and that she would come home to an empty house. Although she usually slept at the library on those days. The house felt too empty without Yasha there.

Not this time.

This time Yasha had just been gone when she got back from her training session with Dairon. No clue left behind as to where she went. Not even a note or a simple message.

At first, Beau had thought nothing of it but when Yasha hadn’t been back by nightfall she had started to get worried.

Then Yasha hadn’t been back by morning and it got worse.

Beau knew Yasha could handle herself but it wasn’t like her to just disappear. Once upon a time maybe, but not anymore.

Beau couldn’t concentrate on anything. She contacted the rest of the Nein to see if Yasha was with them or if they’d heard something of her but none of them had seen or talked to her lately. Even Jester’s sending spell had gone unanswered, which had Beau even more worried.

So yeah, Beau was freaking out. What if she did something to make Yasha leave. No, that was stupid, right? She and Yasha had never been happier. Still even if she logically knew it couldn’t be her fault, her old fears and thoughts started gnawing in the back of her head. A little voice telling her that everyone eventually left her. Beau tried to shrug them off. She knew better now, she had found a family that loved her and would stick with her. No matter what.

She was just going out of her mind with worry and it was affecting her mental stability.

What if something had happened to Yasha and that was why she couldn’t get in contact? Yeah, Yasha could take care of herself but there were big and powerful things out there in the world and they had all seen their fair share of them.

On the fourth day of Yasha’s absence Beau decided that she would wait one more day and if nobody had heard from her by nightfall tomorrow she was going to assume the worst and track her down herself.

If she had spent the past few days already trying to find a starting point for her search well, that would only come in useful later. Her work could wait.

The next day Beau was even more on edge that the previous days. When Caleb arrived at the Cobalt Sould, where Beau had practically been living these past few days, he kept telling her not to worry but she could see in his face that he was just as worried as she was. When she glared at him in response he just pat her shoulder, trying to reassure her and telling her to take a nap. It wasn’t helping. She had barely slept since Yasha disappeared. Her mind too busy and too many thoughts racing through her head preventing her from much needed sleep.

That evening, Beau had returned home to pack her bag which was now sitting on their bed. She was gathering the last few things when she heard the door of their small home open and close. The following footsteps were familiar, she would know them anywhere. Beau spun around and stormed into the living room ready to give Yasha a piece of her mind.

The words stuck in her throat when she saw the woman in front of her, dirty, bloody and scarred. Beau knew every scar on Yasha’s body and she immediately noticed that there were multiple new ones scattered across her arms right now.

She managed to breath out a soft “Yasha” before she collided with the taller woman, immediately strong arms wrapped themselves tightly around Beau. For the first time in days her mind was quiet.

For a moment they just stood there, then Beau pulled back to look at her girlfriend.

“Nobody’s seen you in days, I was so worried. You didn’t even tell anyone you were leaving. I’ve been going out of my mind thinking what could have happened to you. Wondering why you would’ve left like that.”

Beau choked as a few tears made their way down her face. A rough thumb stroked them softly off her cheek.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be gone for so long. I thought I’d just be gone for the day. I am so sorry that I made you worry Beau, I really didn’t mean to.”

Beau sighed, her worry immediately disappearing now that Yasha had returned. She looked at the blood that still coated Yasha’s clothes, although there weren’t any visible wounds.

“Are you okay? What happened? Do I need to beat someone up or did you manage yourself?”

Yasha chuckled and after the past few days Beau was sure it was the best thing she’s ever heard.

“There were some, eh, people. That found me while I was out of town. Honestly, I’m not sure who they were, I couldn’t understand most of what they were saying. I usually have you for that,” she smiled at Beau, “I think they might’ve been friends with some people we destroyed but I can honestly not say for sure. They caught me by surprise. I managed to fight them off but I got hit with some sort of poison or magic stuff that took me out for a few days. I didn’t wake up until this morning. I hadn’t even realised how long it had been until I came back in town and I heard the crier yell the date.”

“Shit, babe. Did you take them all out? Anyone left that we should be worried about? No residual effects from the shit they hit you with? We should get Cad here to check on you just to make sure.”

“As far as I know I took them all out, everyone that was there at least.”

Beau grinned and pecked Yasha on the lips. “That’s my girl.”

“You don’t look great yourself either, Beau” Yasha’s voice was soft and her hand caressed Beau’s cheek, who immediately leaned into the touch.

“Yeah, haven’t been sleeping well these past few days,” she winced, knowing Yasha was going to blame herself for her lack of sleep.

“I’m sorry that I worried you.”

“It’s okay, apparently it was called for this time. Good thing I know you can manage yourself, usually. I’m glad you’re home safe.”

“I’m glad too. I missed you, babe” The warmth of Yasha’s lips touched the top of Beau’s head and lingered there for a second as they breathed each other in. Reassuring each other with their presence and warmth.

After a minute, or maybe ten, time was always hazy with Yasha, Beau intertwined their hands and pulled Yasha towards the small bathroom.

“Now let’s get you cleaned up and don’t run off without leaving a note again. I was going crazy.”

“I promise. Maybe you can take the next week off and I can show you what my errant was for. It was supposed to be a surprise, which is why I didn’t tell you.”

“A surprise, huh?” Beau raised an eyebrow.

“Patience, babe, patience.”

“We both know that’s my best virtue” Beau said jokingly, poking Yasha in the side, who laughed in response.

“I mean I could bathe alone if you don’t have the patience?” There was a mischievous gleam in Yasha’s eyes and Beau didn’t have to be told twice as she pulled Yasha in for a soft kiss.

That night, Beau finally slept peacefully again. Catching up on some much needed sleep as she and Yasha were safely wrapped up in each other’s arms. Keeping each other close.

#I had a blast writing this #I love them #I miss them so much #Beauyasha my beloved #beauregard lionett #yasha nydoorin #beauyasha fic #prompt fill #critical role

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aedwritesfic · 3 years

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Hi! Can I have a Ginny x Luna smut story where they finally admit there feelings to each other and they are madly in love with each other and it’s at the burrow in Ginny’s room? Thanks can’t wait to see it I know it’ll be amazing! :)

Hey nonnie, I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to reply. Thank you for your patience. I had so much fun writing this fluffy and smutty Linny for you! Once I started writing, I just couldn’t stop. I hope you like it!

It Happened One Night

“Shhh!” Ginny tried to suppress her giggles, but they seemed to be bursting out of her like a child’s accidental magic. She cast a silencing spell at the door and the walls, hoping their laughter and conversation wouldn’t wake the rest of the house.

Luna stood on the bed, her riot of blonde waves cascading over her shoulders as she attempted to examine the rafters for Blibbering Humdingers or other such nonsense. They may have snuck a bit more of the Christmas brandy than they were necessarily allowed, but honestly, what did it matter? They would be of age before the school year let out and there was a war on. Now was the time for teenage rebellion. Now was the time to throw caution to the wind—in some regard at least—and truly allow yourself to live.

Smiling, Luna crouched back down on the bed and continued her animated impromptu lecture on beings the average Wix could not see. Ginny tried to pay attention, she really did, but she found herself completely captivated by the woman’s hands.

Long, pale fingers danced along to her lilting ethereal voice, almost telling a story of their own. The still slightly pink scar on the side of the left index finger from an incident with a bread knife last summer, the almost translucent smattering of white-blonde hair along the knuckles, the deep lines on her palm that Ginny had studied during Divination, it all told the story of a life well-lived. A life that Ginny had been privileged enough to be involved in.

Luna’s hand accidentally brushed against Ginny’s and without thinking, Ginny captured it, lacing their fingers together tanned and freckled against alabaster. She allowed herself to gently manipulate the other woman’s hand, transfixed by the beauty and the power someone so light and unassuming could possess. With those hands, Luna could build something beautiful or tear everything down. People at school had been horrible to Luna, yet every day, she chose to share kind words, lend a hand, and love unconditionally. It was a marvel.

Ginny hadn’t noticed the stillness that came over the room. It wasn’t until Luna gently pulled her hand away that she came back to herself. Ginny blushed furiously and tried to think up an excuse as to why she had just been playing with her best friend’s hand.

Before she could say anything though, Luna leaned forward and tucked a strand of coppery red hair behind Ginny’s ear. “Please don’t,” she whispered almost shyly. “Not unless you mean it.”

“What?” Ginny asked, shifting under her friend’s penetrative gaze.

“There was a fire in your eyes,” she explained quietly, crawling over to sit beside Ginny. “You’re slightly impulsive, now especially because of the brandy, and whatever it was that flashed through your head… if you acted upon it, I think you would regret it later.”

She straightened her shoulders, sitting up a bit further. “I’ve never regretting anything a day in my life.”

“No, you haven’t,” she sighed. “But I don’t think it would be wise. There are too many Wrackspurts about as it is. I’d rather not have to deal with an infestation.”

“Why would you have to deal with Wrackspurts, Luna?” she murmured.

“Because whatever it was you were going to do, I doubt that you would have really meant it, and that would… that would be cause enough for an infestation.”

Ginny’s breath caught in her throat. For years, she had quietly harboured a crush on her best friend in the entire world. Luna had never shown any romantic interest in anyone and so she had just assumed that such things didn’t matter to the woman. Ginny had stopped herself from saying anything so many times, had forced herself to attempt to move on, but no matter how hard she tried, her heart always beat for Luna.

Turning to face her friend, Ginny grabbed Luna’s hand again, squeezing gently. “Luna, what makes you think that I wouldn’t mean it? I’ve…” she took a deep breath, pushing away her nerves and throwing caution to the wind. “Luna, I have cared for you for so long. Why would I lie to you?”

Luna smiled sadly, “I know that you would never intentionally say or do anything to hurt me, but—”

Ginny couldn’t stand it any longer. She surged forward, capturing Luna’s face in her hands and rested their foreheads together brown eyes staring imploringly into silver. Merlin, Ginny could get lost in those eyes that so resembled the early morning mist.

“Do you really not know?” she whispered. “You know so much about the world, you see what others don’t even bother to take the time to look for, and yet you really don’t know just how wholly you affect me?”

Luna sat back a little, cocking her head to the side like she did when she was drawing a conclusion. “You love me.”

It wasn’t a question.

“Yes.”

“As more than just friends.”

Ginny nodded and vigorously tried to blink away the tears that threatened to spill over. “I do. And, I completely understand that you don’t feel the same or are even remotely interested in anything other than friendships. I just… How can you think that I don’t mean every single thing that I’ve ever said to you? Every touch that I’ve given you?”

“No one has ever wanted to be more than friends with me before,” Luna said in a small voice.

“Well, I have.”

Luna stared up at her, a calculating look flitted across her face as she took in all the data that surrounded her: the slight tremble in Ginny’s hands, her eyes which implored Luna to believe, the way she bit her lip at the bottom left corner like she did whenever she was nervous.

“I didn’t realize…” Luna whispered. “You’ve only been with men, so I never thought—”

Again, Ginny reached for her hand, holding it between her own, cradling it as though it were something precious. “I couldn’t give a shit about what’s between someone’s legs. It’s about the person. I’ve loved you for so long Luna, but I thought you weren’t… interested in that type of thing.”

A pretty pink flush stained Luna’s cheeks. “Not usually, no. But it’s different with you. I can’t quite describe it, but it’s like all the rules change when it comes to you.” She averted her eyes and bit her pretty pink lip as if trying to decide whether or not to share a secret. But after a moment, she leaned in close and whispered against Ginny’s ear—the warmth of her breath tickling freckled flesh, “You make me feel safe.”

Before Ginny could fully grasp those words, Luna’s hands came up to run through her fiery locks tugging gently at the roots. She sighed and leaned into the touch. Luna knew that she loved having her hair played with. Ever since they were girls, the two had constantly been braiding each other’s hair or just touching it absentmindedly. But now, this touch, it was completely different. The pull was purposeful, it was meant not to calm or play, but to arouse. She allowed Luna to guide her so their lips were only a hairsbreadth apart.

“I love you, Ginevra,” Luna sighed before crashing their lips together in a searing kiss.

Ginny had experienced many first kisses in her sixteen years, some tentative and sweet, some passionate and sloppy. None of them had prepared her for this. They had not prepared her for the overwhelming softness of Luna’s lips, the way Luna seemed to be embracing her soul, not merely pressing her lips or shoving her tongue into Ginny’s mouth. She wasn’t being kissed. She was sharing a kiss. Though earnest, it didn’t feel as though Luna was trying to conquer or lay claim to her. It felt like they were joining together and making something brand new.

Ginny wound her arms around Luna’s waist and drew the woman into her lap, soft thighs straddling her athletic hips. She didn’t want to rush things, but the pool of heat in her core begged her to get closer, touch, taste, feel. But she held back. Luna said that she wasn’t normally interested in these sorts of things. She wasn’t going to push, no matter how badly she wanted to.

As if reading her thoughts, Luna pulled back slightly, breaking their kiss. Staring deeply into her eyes, Luna moved Ginny’s hands from her waist to breasts. “I want you to touch me,” Luna murmured. “Will you make me feel good?”

The breath caught in Ginny’s throat. “Are you sure?”

The woman smiled serenely and nodded. “I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want you to.”

Ginny groaned, burying her face in the crook of Luna’s neck. She allowed herself to become intoxicated by the woman’s words.

“I’ve sometimes touched myself at night, wishing that my fingers were yours. It was nice, but I got the feeling that it would have been exquisite if you were the one actually doing the touching. That maybe then, I would really know what the fuss was all about.”

Sitting up, Ginny stared deeply into her friend’s eyes, that in the dark of her bedroom looked like starlight. “Luna, I haven’t actually touched a woman before. I don’t know if I’ll—”

Luna silenced her with a kiss before moving Ginny’s hand back to her breast and squeezing.

“Are you sure?” she asked again, wanting to make sure Luna understood. “It’s okay if sex isn’t something you find enjoyable. We don’t need to do anything that you’re not interested in.”

“Just touch me how you touch yourself,” Luna said breathily as Ginny’s deft fingers absently plucked at her nipple. “If we don’t like it we’ll stop.”

Not giving Ginny another chance to speak, Luna leaned forward and placed a kiss just below her ear, on top of the smattering of freckles that resembled the Pleiades. Ginny gasped and allowed her hands to start slowly unbuttoning Luna’s pyjama top. She marvelled at the pale smooth skin as gooseflesh rose beneath her touch. It was perfect, and she longed to leave her mark.

Unwilling to wait any longer, Ginny trailed hot open-mouthed kisses down Luna’s chest, from the place where shoulder meets neck, down the clavicle in the valley between the woman’s ample breasts. She darted out her tongue and allowed it to ascend the swell of flesh that led to the rosey mountain’s peak, cataloguing every moan and sigh she wrenched from Luna’s lips. Her fingers played with the twin’s peak, plucking and caressing.

Without even realizing it, the women had tumbled backwards onto the bed, Ginny nestled into the perfect cradle of Luna’s thighs. Luna gasped and arched when Ginny blew cold air against a pebbled nipple, hips bucking against Ginny’s own as if they were crying out for attention too. Luna moaned something under her breath. With a slight shiver, their remaining clothing disappeared leaving them bare.

Ginny took a moment to revel in the sparking rush she felt in every place their bodies touched. Skin on skin. All of it. At last. She drew up level with Luna and kissed her firmly, unable to think of anything else she would rather be doing until the woman broke the kiss with a desperately pleading, “Please.”

Unable to resist the temptation any longer. Luna’s breasts had tasted like strawberries picked at the height of summer and she needed to know if the rest of her tasted just as sweet. Ginny dove down, placing kisses and caresses along the way before coming to rest at the thatch of golden curls between her friend’s—her lover’s—legs. She looked up into grey eyes, silently asking one more time.

Luna reached down and buried a hand in Ginny’s hair, using it to direct the woman to her wanting core.

Ginny paused for a moment. She closed her eyes and tried to recall the few times anyone had ever kissed her there. What she had liked. What she had wished they had done. Ginny allowed herself only a second to marvel at the beauty of Luna’s cunt. How it glistened with arousal just for her. Knowing that she had done this. That she was the reason her friend was wet was because of her. That knowledge bolstered her confidence and pushed her forward as she licked Luna firmly from opening to clit, stopping only to suck gently on the perfect bud.

The reaction was instantaneous. Luna bucked her hips so violently that Ginny had to press down on the woman’s hips to keep her in place. When another lick brought on the same reaction along with a litany of moaned nonsense, Ginny hooked Luna’s knees over her shoulders and pulled her lover even closer to her by the hips, feasting on her lover’s pretty pink quim.

Not being able to resist, Ginny reached down to her own aching cunt and began rutting against her palm. The delightful friction had her moaning against Luna’s clit. Luna’s grip tightened in her hair, almost painfully as the woman screamed out her orgasm, squirting her release onto Ginny’s mouth and chin. The rush of warm liquid combined with the sounds of ecstasy and the delightful friction of her palm sent her over the edge, quivering and panting against Luna’s thigh.

The next thing she knew, gentle hands pulled her up into a warm embrace. Sweet words of praise were murmured into her hair while fingers lightly caressed her skin. When she came back to herself, Luna brushed the hair away from Ginny’s eyes and placed a soft kiss on lips still damp from her own release.

“You’re perfect,” Ginny whispered, clutching Luna close.

The woman hummed. “No, my love. We are perfect together.”

#answered #Linny #Ginny x Luna #Luna x Ginny #Ginny Weasley #Luna Lovegood #femslash #ficlet #hp fanfic

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kyouxa · 4 years

Text

Diabolik lovers Chaos Lineage: Shu Sakamaki (Story 14 + CG)

In terms of the gameplay: The black choices lead up to a bad ending, the white choices lead up to a good ending. Please no reposting onto other sites, ask me before translating this into another language too!

Place: Scarlet mansion — Living room

Shu: Ngh!

Kino: You know you can’t win with a brute force approach, right? Ha!

*Kino throws dagger*

Shu: Nn… ! I’ll make sure to fully deal with you exactly that way then.

Monologue

Kino-kun has been magnificently defending himself against Shu-san’s raised sword, and the space he created while doing so was used for him to counterattack with another dagger.

However, Shu-san was luckily able to step outside the danger zone Kino-kun’s attack created.

While I watch both of them fight, I secretly pray for them to stop, and yet none of both sides shows any sign of giving up.

Place: Scarlet mansion — Living room

Kino: Kch… you’re unexpectedly good… but how will you dodge this one!?

*Kino throws another one*

Shu: Your movements are monotony.

Yui: (Good, he avoided another attack… !)

Kino: Don’t act so full of yourself. Just because you’ve been sleeping everyday, you shouldn’t act so surplus with your strength...

Shu: Seems as if you’re slowly getting anxious. You mustn’t be good at proofing your strength, are you?

Yui: (Both of them seem to have equal strength, but they also seem to slowly run out of breath…)

(However, I still know Shu-san has at least some superiority. If he continues to fight in this state… !)

Kino: Tch… he’s really unexpectedly strong...

…That’s it. I think I came up with a good idea.

Yui: (Eh… Kino-kun… why is he looking over here now?)

Shu: ...Don’t tell me

Kino: I’ll make sure to take the most important thing from you first then!

*Kino throws dagger*

Yui: Kyaaa!?

(The dagger is flying right over here!!)

Reiji: Damn it!

Shu: Fuck!

*Shu protects Yui*

Shu: Are you alright… ?

Yui: Shu-san… !

Kino: Fufu… that’s no good. You make it even easier for your rival to get a chance!

*Kino throws another dagger*

Shu: Ngh… !

Yui: Shu-san!

Kino: Fufu… you still don’t have enough? I’ll deal with your wretched self until you can only crawl then!

*Kino throws two more*

Shu: Aghh!

Yui: Ahh, stop!

*blood drops*

Shu: Don’t… worry… it just cut the side… of my arm a little...

Yui: ...Nn! You’re obviously lying to me… Nn, you’re also clearly losing a lot of blood right now… !

Kino: Yes, Yes. And you even were close enough to finally receive your highly wished checkmate!

*Kino throws two more*

Reiji: Kch… !

Yui: Reiji-san…

Reiji: I am terribly sorry, I can barely protect you with my hand already being at its limit. I do not know whether or not I can repel them all...

As we are right now, we are the same as hostages. This place is now completely under his control, it allows Kino to aim for us at any point.

Yui: Nn, then the inside of this room is—

Kino: Have you considered escaping from here? If you’d like to get covered in a concentrated fire of daggers, why don’t you try it?

Yui: ….. ! You’re playing an incredible unfair game!

Kino: Whether it’s unfair or not, I wouldn’t want someone to cause a disadvantage with protecting another, while the others are on the wage of war.

It’s not difficult to understand that your brothers are merely hindrances for yourself now too, you should be aware of that by now, huh?

Shu: ...They’re a hindrance? Don’t be stupid...

I’m only here to fight you, for the sake of protecting those guys!

*Shu stabs Kino*

Kino: Aghh!

Yui: (He caught up to the distance Kino-kun created in an instant… !)

Kino: Ngh, how dare you do this...

Shu: You can’t only win with your pathetic sword technique. Even if I’m simile to a hostage that you can damage,

You should give up on clinging onto those useless delusions about being the successor to this old man’s powers.

Kino: Useless… ? What has been useless about it!?

What does a blessed person, who naturally has everything in his life, understand about any of this anyway… !?

You, who always had sheltered upbringing, and never experienced disgrace put over yourself!!

*Kino activates something*

Shu: Nn… !

Yui: W-What’s that!?

(Some sort of semi-transparent light is surrending Shu-san’s position)

*Shu falls over*

Shu: Ngh… you… what did you surround me with… Nn

Kino: This has been created by the church, it’s a magic spell that summons a talisman to catch a vampire while being chased.

Once a vampire is confined within this power, he’ll lose the strength to move.

I’ve been saving this in case of an emergency, since it’s limited to only be used once.

Shu: Why are you even possessing this sort of thing to begin with...

Kino: Who knows? This shouldn’t be worth worrying about now anyway, right?

Even if you try struggling with this magical spell on you, you won’t be able to pass through this barrier until a certain amount of time has passed.

Right now you’re as unable to move as a dartboard getting hit with darts!

*Kino throws dagger*

Shu: Aghh!!

Yui: No, stop it! Shu-san!

Reiji: Shu!

Shu: Nn… don’t come closer, Reiji!

That guy just waits to be able to aim for you as well… so don’t move an inch from over there.

Reiji: Kch… but!

Kino: Look, Look, I wonder how many you can take? I won’t allow you to die so easily on me, ha!

*Kino throws another one*

Shu: Ah… !

Yui: No! Stop it!!

(Shu-san’s whole body is completely stained with his own blood already… he’ll be killed if things continue to go like this!)

Ayato: That guy… why is he so desperately fighting, while also risking his life to protect us… ?

We’re enemies, and yet this shit doesn’t make sense.

Yui: ...Because you’re siblings...

Ayato: Hah?

Yui: I know you argue with each other every now and then, and I’m also aware of all the things that have happened in the past to you.

*Yui starts crying*

Yui: But, still… even if not all of you are related by blood, you’re still siblings...

Shu-san doesn’t want to lose anyone who's dear to him anymore… !

Ayato: ...What are you crying for now… ?

Subaru: Siblings that aren’t related by blood...

*weird sound*

Subaru: Ngh, kch… !

Yui: (Eh… ?)

*weird sound*

Ayato: Fuck… ! What’s this… Nn

Reiji: What is the matter with them!?

Yui: Now that you say it, everyone is… !

Shu: Shit… this barrier… sucks…

*Shu tries moving*

Shu: Ngh…

Kino: Hahaha! Must be awful to have no control over your body, but serves you right!

C’mon, will you be even more worn out when I send another dagger flying your way? I wonder if you’re able to avoid it this time!

*Kino throws another dagger*

Shu: Aghh…

Yui: Shu-san!!

(If this continues, Shu-san will…)

(I don’t want… I don’t want to see Shu-san get any more injuries than he already has… !)

Kino-kun… ! Stop this already!

Kino: You want me to stop at the most fun part of this all?

Moreover, it’s useless screaming. It already has been settled that this guy has lost this game.

You can’t do anything else other than stay silent, and continue to watch the show.

Choices

1) We won’t give in yet (white)♡♡♡

2) Please stop this (black)

— We won’t give in yet♡

Yui: This hasn’t come to an end yet...

Shu-san would never lose to anyone who only plays this sort of dirty tricks… !

Shu: ….. !

Kino: No matter how much of an idiot you are, can’t you see that I’m the winner of this?

Now that I’ve brought down Shu, I can finally become the king… I can finally become his successor. And I won’t let any of you be a hindrance in my way any longer.

Yui: That’s not true! I know Shu-san would never lose to someone like you. I know because he promised it to me...

That’s why I’ll keep believing in Shu-san, even if it’s until the very end… !

— Please stop this

Yui: Please stop this! If things are continuing as they’re now, he’ll die!

Reiji: Wait!

*Reiji grabs Yui*

Reiji: Did you forget the promise you have made with Shu?

Yui: Reiji-san…

(That’s right… I promised to believe in Shu-san, even if it has to be until the very end)

Shu-san… !

I still believe in you being able to win this, Shu-san!

Shu: Ahh… Thank you.

end Choices

Kino: Aren’t you sick of not being able to stop that farce by now? It’s really starting to annoy me.

I’ll make sure to crush your hope and aspiration all together then. You’ll witness all of it before your own eyes.

*Kino pulls another dagger*

Yui: (Nn, another dagger… Shu-san, please avoid it!)

Shu: Tch…

Reiji: No way… he cannot possibly stand up in his current condition… !

Yui: Such...

Kino: Now, let’s officially get rid of this pitiable appearance right in front of everyone!

???: Stop it!!

Yui: Eh…

Kino: Huh… ? Just now, who?

Ayato: Finally snap out of it already. You can’t just do whatever pleases you...

Shu: Ayato… ?

Ayato: What are you doing, man!? Hurry and get up!

Bastard, what sort of an elder brother acts as if his self-importance is worth being thrown away even after hearing this!!

Yui: ...Huh…

Shu: You remembered…

Yui: A-Are you sure?

Ayato: I sure am! When I saw that dull guy during the time I was worn out, it came together in my head...

I honestly got no idea about what’s going on or whatsoever. But even if I don’t, I seriously won’t forgive you if you lose!

Hey, Shu! Stop pitying yourself already, that’s an order!!

Shu: Ayato...

Kanato: That’s right, I’m very much close to losing my patience too. Didn’t we all refuse to come to this place to begin with?

Although Reiji was the one arranging this plan, why is it that such a thing happened… how unforgivable.

Laito: I at first thought skipping this sort of event, may end up being enjoyable. But I don’t feel like taking part in this game anymore.

Come on, big brother. Do your best for the sake of your younger brothers, okay?

Shu: Kanato… Laito…

Subaru: You haven’t lost as long as you didn’t die! Get yourself together and beat him! Shu!!

Shu: Subaru…

Yui: Did everyone… finally remember… ?

Reiji: It appears as if seeing Shu desperately fight in front of their eyes, triggered something that successfully brought their memories back.

That’s sincerely why he is an unpleasant person to me. That person must have fascinated the others with being so determined to its goal.

I sincerely get fed up thinking how I, myself… am no equal match to this man.

Shu: Fufu… those guys…

Kino: Why… their memories shouldn’t return back to themselves this easily, but yet they still managed to remember.

♡ Roses ♡

Shu’s shoulder: Seems as if I’m still the eldest son, no matter how much I’ve messed up so far.

Shu’s sword: I've not been defeated yet, so there’s no need to make such anxious expressions. Just keep staying behind me, even if anything unpredictable happens.

Shu: It’s strange. But maybe this is the true strength that lies between the siblings’ bond?

Kino: ...Ngh. This gives me the creeps… and yet, I won’t let you have your way!

Shu: If so, I’ll tell you something. I’ll bring you down in order to proof something to you.

— I’ll prove that this fight between siblings is over. And I’ll be the one ending it.

#Diabolik Lovers #diabolik lovers translation #chaos lineage #diabolik lovers chaos lineage shu sakamaki translation #diabolik lovers chaos lineage shu sakamaki #diabolik lovers chaos lineage shuu sakamaki #diabolik lovers chaos lineage shuu sakamaki translation #Shuu Sakamaki #shu sakamaki translation #diabolik lovers shu #Shu Sakamaki #sakamaki shu #kyouxa #reiji sakamaki #sakamaki reiji #kino diabolik lovers

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the-odd-job · 3 years

Text

Harem AU Chapter 13 - So Far from Home

Rating: Explicit Warnings: Rape/Non-Con Category: Other Fandom: Transformers Relationships: Megatron/Sideswipe, Megatron/Sunstreaker, Skywarp/Sideswipe, Skywarp/Sunstreaker Characters: Megatron, Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, Skywarp, Knock Out, Twin Twist, Topspin, Hot Shot, Undisclosed Characters Additional Tags: Public Sex, Rape, Dubcon, Sticky, Fingering Words: 10595

( Previous )

“And here I was already hoping I wouldn’t see you like this again,” Knock Out tutted him, his field speaking of his exasperation.

Sunstreaker grunted, not really in the mood to deal with the medic. Alas, he needed the repairs.

Indeed he’d brought this entirely on himself. Megatron’s fury was a painful thing to be on the receiving end of. If he just hadn’t been so… So… Insubordinate, disrespectful, all of this could have been avoided.

Everyone knew that. Knock Out knew that.

But it was hard. It was just a few slips. A look held too long, almost a challenge, an order not followed quickly enough, defiance—even though he hadn’t meant it as so—and hate, as if he had any rights to such emotions.

Megatron had let him be a couple of days, probably busy with his ever important leadership business, but then the fist had come down—literally as well as figuratively. And delay as there may have been, oh, Megatron had left no confusion as to what he was being punished for. It wouldn’t have been much of a lesson if he didn’t know what he was being taught.

Aside from the dents, it was predictably his valve, intake, and the rest of his internals that had suffered the most. Swallowing hurt, his array throbbed with a steady beat of pain, and he didn’t even want to read the reports to know what the pit had been done to his internals to make them ache like that. He was, again, leaking something from the inside out.

But the aftermath really wasn’t anywhere near as bad as the process to get him there was. And most of the pains would end soon, too. Knock Out would fix everything he had permission to fix, and the rest… Time would soothe those.

The memories would stay, though, and let those be his motivation to not repeat this. Behave himself, in the future… He was already supposed to know better than this, anyway, and he did, but pits, his damned pride. It was so hard to do what he knew he needed to do to survive it here when it meant trampling his dignity at every turn.

What did he get for failing at that? This. There was no more dignity in having Knock Out repair the injuries Megatron had laid on him.

This wasn’t worth it.

At least Sideswipe had been spared, this time. His brother hadn’t done anything wrong, when not enjoying themselves wasn’t forbidden. Was Primus the type to give a damn and Sunstreaker might have said a prayer in thanks for Megatron not choosing to use them against each other this time. He very well could have made Sideswipe hurt for Sunstreaker’s sins, but it didn’t look like his misdemeanor had yet been severe enough to warrant that.

May it be that it wouldn’t come to that again in the future, either.

His twin waited with patience he didn’t actually have through the repairs Knock Out performed, the medic as professional as ever, and then off they were, back to living their miserable life in fear of the next time Megatron chose them.

Time passed, and at the very least Megatron left them alone following his lesson, apparently deeming the one time sufficient at reminding him of the correct course of action for any of the mates. The tyrant wasn’t wrong, either, but they only remained grateful they didn’t need to prove as much right away.

Of course it didn’t last indefinitely. There were summons, there was interfacing, sometimes in Megatron’s wing, sometimes in the harem wing, interspersed with those blessed spells of not getting their Lord’s attention. They didn’t become the ones Megatron liked to torment the most often, as little as the other mates seemed to think of any of it as torment. They were… Middle of the pack, really. Starscream continued to be the most special of them all, and Skywarp got quite a bit of attention too. What had he said, Megatron liked wings? Seemed to be true.

Thank their useless creators that they hadn’t chosen to craft the brothers with wings. There were other mates Megatron preferred over them, too. They were all but an afterthought to him.

That suited them just fine.

But when he did remember they existed too… Megatron was rough, that never once changed. He was uncaring of anything but himself and his own pleasure, and his pleasure was fast and hard. As much as their frames had gotten used to his girth to the extent they could—they were still convinced nothing would ever help their throats—Megatron’s impatience and pace could get uncomfortable very quickly.

If they weren’t prepared for it. And they never were.

It was pain that didn’t need to be there, though. It was another thing they had the power to remove from the equation, to make things a little easier on themselves.

Wouldn’t they want that?

“Megatron called you in for tonight,” Skywarp said one late afternoon, plopping down next to them in the entertainment room. They had found out he was one of the harem members with access to comms, limited as his ability and permission to use them was. By design, naturally, but it still let others, Megatron in particular, contact him with anything he might need.

Quite often it was with the task of informing who was the lucky mech chosen for this or that.

And tonight, it would be them.

Sunstreaker sighed and tried to focus back on the main screen where a show many of the mates followed obsessively was playing. Romance, in an environment where there was absolutely none of that to be found, but he had to admit the show itself was oddly charming. Sideswipe couldn’t stomach it the same way. Too sappy for him. Even now his brother had been playing with a datapad instead of giving any attention to the screen holding such a rapt audience, although now he pulled himself enough from that world to give a lame smile to the Seeker. “Cool, thanks.”

It wasn’t cool and it wasn’t news worth thanking anyone for, but it wasn’t Skywarp’s fault. He was just the messenger. No point in getting angry at him.

“Do you want help prepping?” Skywarp asked like he asked every time. In the past they’d always shot his offers down as unwanted and unwelcome, but slag, if they were going to do this… Were they just going to do it with each other? That didn’t exactly seem appealing.

None of this was fucking appealing, but that thought even less so.

Sunstreaker met Sideswipe’s optics, knowing there was no eagerness in either of their gazes. Just… Resignation.

But this would be better.

And it would be easier with Skywarp.

Sideswipe nodded at length, looking back at the flier, then nodded again, more firmly this time. It still sounded more like a question when he accepted Skywarp’s offer with a, “Yeah?”

Skywarp grinned, his wings immediately perking up. “Sweet! Come on, let’s go to the berthroom so we don’t disturb everyone,” he said with a meaningful look around them. So many optics focused on the screen, although with how commonplace fragging was, Sunstreaker wouldn’t have bet most of them would’ve even noticed anything amiss even if they’d started right there and then.

It was still a thoughtful gesture, so Sideswipe set his datapad aside and nodded, and together they got up despite only one of them even wanting anything to do with this. Skywarp led the way from the entertainment room, his wings twitching almost happily.

Was it really that important to him that they got ready? Or that he could help them with the task? Pits.

They followed the Seeker all the way over to his cot, which was a relief because they really wouldn’t have wanted to use their own cots for this. And then… Slag, this was going to be awkward. Or at least they thought so. Skywarp didn’t seem the least bit concerned or out of his element, and he probably wasn’t after however long he’d spent in the harem. He sure seemed thoroughly acclimatized.

No, the Seeker just plopped himself down, caught Sideswipe by his arms, and pulled him into straddling his lap, which his twin ended up doing before he had even fully caught up with what was happening. That was where Sideswipe ended up in, then, blinking at the flier who grinned down at him.

He wasted absolutely no time, either. One of Skywarp’s servos was very quick to trace Sideswipe’s hip, reach behind him, brush over his aft—which earned him a sharp gasp—and trail down to brush against his valve cover.

It was… Honestly, unwelcome as all fuck and Sideswipe’s plating was absolutely crawling, but they’d already dedicated themselves to this course. And Skywarp meant no harm. He was just… Eager. A little too eager, but well intentioned.

Sideswipe caught the Seeker’s arms for balance as his claws continued to play with the edges of his cover. There was… Arousal, in Skywarp’s field, more pronounced now than it usually was. There was no question that he was into this, and they… Tried to ride that tide to drown out even some of their own unease. Sideswipe’s optics still scrunched shut as his frame slowly began to respond despite his reservations. Skywarp’s touch was all kinds of experienced and knowledgeable, no surprise there.

And he seemed to be a pretty fast learner too, because his other hand slipped behind Sideswipe too, this one to grab his aft. Sideswipe’s back arched at once, and after just a few more seconds of toying with his valve cover, that snapped aside. They did their best to ignore their growing disquiet, told themselves this was for the best, that nothing bad was happening.

It was just Skywarp.

Whose digits sank into Sideswipe’s bared valve without delay. A very quiet moan slipped from Sideswipe’s lips as his sensors were swiftly located and stimulated. There was no denying his frame was starting to like it, and he tried to agree with it, tried to get his mind to stop battling his body, just to… Make this smoother, make this easier.

Skywarp, at least, was very good at helping that process along, squeezing Sideswipe’s aft again, lightly scratching it, doing these little things that were quick to drive Sideswipe’s frame higher.

Why was his aft such a weak spot for him, seriously. Skywarp took thorough advantage of that detail until Sideswipe was hitching his hips back into the servos behind him, clutching onto the Seeker a little tighter.

That was when there was a click that came from neither of the twins, and Sideswipe finally opened his optics to glance down between him and Skywarp, where Skywarp’s spike had emerged from its housing—ready as ever, despite the fact they hadn’t really done anything to arouse the Seeker in return.

Not that foreplay seemed all that necessary for the other mates.

Skywarp didn’t ask. Skywarp didn’t ask a damn thing before he’d already caught Sideswipe by the aft, lifted him, and then slowly lowered him partway onto his spike. Sideswipe tensed from helm to pede despite all the positive sensation his sensors reported, his vents coming hard and fast–

There were no apologies. It didn’t look like Skywarp thought he’d done anything out of the ordinary. He stopped there, suspending Sideswipe atop him, but he didn’t lift him off, he didn’t take back any of his actions, he didn’t–

Sunstreaker did nothing.

With Skywarp’s touch still on Sideswipe’s aft, it was only so long that his mind could fight his frame before the physical took over. His valve loosened just a bit. Rippled.

And that was all the invitation the Seeker needed to continue lowering him. Sideswipe’s mouth fell open as more of his frame was impaled in a way that had nothing to do with pain or discomfort and everything to do with simple pleasure. He didn’t know how Skywarp had judged so rightly that his spike would be none too big, or if he hadn’t judged it at all and had just done it anyway, but it remained that he wasn’t as big as Megatron.

Almost anything not as big as Megatron was just fine by their frames’ standards, nowadays.

He didn’t drop Sideswipe at any point, didn’t hurry the process overmuch, only eased him down until their arrays were in contact and Sideswipe’s weight rested on Skywarp’s lap, not his servos. Once there, he stopped. Gave Sideswipe a bit of time.

Sideswipe took it eagerly, venting heavily and trying to play catch up with the progression of things. He was full, but not to the extent Megatron stuffed them. He wasn’t uncomfortable.

It felt good.

Sideswipe’s forehelm fell to rest on Skywarp’s shoulder, another, louder moan drawn from him when Skywarp continued to use his freaking aft against him. If that wasn’t such a turn on for him that everyone could exploit to their sparks’ content as soon as they found out about it–

Slag.

He hadn’t said anything so far, but now Skywarp looked up at Sunstreaker and spoke up—patted the cot next to him. “Come on, I don’t want to leave you all by your lonesome,” the Seeker laughed, then transferred his servo back to Sideswipe’s aft—lifted and dropped.

Sideswipe didn’t know what to do with himself. His frame cried good things, his mind screamed for it to please stop, despite what rational thinking said. Rational thinking said this was for his own good.

His emotions didn’t agree one bit.

His frame didn’t give a damn.

Feeling like he was in a trance with not much going on in the way of solid thinking, Sunstreaker sat down next to them, watching as Skywarp traced his claws up Sideswipe’s aft and lower back. It drew a low groan from his brother, and a shudder. “Can you ride me? I don’t have enough hands otherwise,” Skywarp asked, a grin audible in his voice. With some difficulty Sideswipe lifted his helm to stare at the Seeker. Dumbly. Like he didn’t quite compute the request.

He didn’t exactly want to be doing this in the first place, and now he needed to do it himself?

But it wasn’t like Skywarp was likely to know how conflicted they were. He merely raised his optical ridges a bit expectantly, patting Sideswipe’s aft.

Could people just. Stop doing that. Please. It unraveled what will he had to keep denying his frame, because wasn’t just this what they were here for? Get ready, with Skywarp’s help?

Was it really fair to expect Skywarp to do all the work?

Sideswipe fought back his tears and nodded mutely, then braced himself on his knees and carefully lifted himself up.

Skywarp’s spike dragged across his sensors, and as much he had expected the whole thing to feel good, he still wasn’t prepared for it to feel good when so much of him wanted to fight the whole thing. It was stupid to be so affected by the zaps of pleasure in his frame, a good portion of his thoughts vacating his helm at once.

Or maybe he was just desperate to escape it a little bit.

The drop down was even worse. Or better. Whichever way you wanted to look at it. And not thinking… That was good. Don’t think.

Just do it.

So he did. Up, then down, as if he wanted this, with his frame very much into it. Skywarp was too, if his encouraging revving was anything to go by, but that was to be expected.

Focus on the motion. Focus on how it felt.

Just.

Don’t.

Think.

Sunstreaker was doing a pretty good job of that too, and though he was sure Skywarp made no secret of what he was doing, he still jumped when the Seeker’s servo slipped between his legs.

As if he hadn’t been staring at the two of them the whole time.

“Open for me?” Skywarp requested of him, his digits brushing against his valve cover. Sunstreaker hesitated—fought himself, caught between the two thoughts of how he didn’t want this any more than his brother did, but how they’d already decided on it.

How it was better for them.

Wasn’t less pain a desirable thing? Wouldn’t it be better to make things easier for themselves? Make it that much easier to survive until they got out?

He let his cover retract, and like with Sideswipe, Skywarp got right down to business. His focus was impressive, too, because not only did he proceed to thoroughly and effectively finger fuck him, he never stopped groping Sideswipe’s fragging aft, encouraging his brother where he may have otherwise faltered. And that, despite the fact Skywarp’s field openly spoke of his own pleasure.

Yet he didn’t let it distract him.

Sideswipe was panting, and Sunstreaker was soon no better, although he was quite sure a part of it was just from the toll of the emotional conflict, not simply from the pleasure steadily building in his frame. His legs spread without any real input from him, giving Skywarp better access, more room, that the flier made the most of to drive him even higher.

Until Sideswipe overloaded, tensing in Skywarp’s lap and curling in on himself. It wasn’t the best of overloads, achieved through a war, but it was one nevertheless—and enough to pull Sunstreaker over the edge as well. His valve clamped down on Skywarp’s digits that continued to move through the uneven clenching, even as the Seeker overloaded into Sideswipe’s valve with a satisfied rumble.

Was it just experience that let him remain so functional through his own pleasure? If the other mates felt good with Megatron, was that a necessary skill to keep their master satisfied, when there was no question that it was his desires that were to be the most important at all times?

He didn’t want to know.

They both slumped once the charge tapered from their frames, Sunstreaker propping his weight on his servos and Sideswipe leaning more heavily onto Skywarp. Skywarp really didn’t look anywhere near as affected, but then again, he hadn’t also battled with himself the whole time. He gave them a moment, though, gently removing his digits from Sunstreaker’s valve and equally carefully tracing the lips of Sideswipe’s, where they were stretched around his spike.

Sideswipe was shivering just so, but the deed done, he couldn’t say he wasn’t eager to get off of the flier. So that’s what he did as soon as his legs felt steady enough, lifting himself off Skywarp and stumbling off to the side to sit on the Seeker’s other side. Transfluid was slowly dripping down his aft and legs. Transfluid and lubricant both.

That was that goal achieved then, huh?

Except, Skywarp wasn’t done.

“Lemme take care of you too,” he said, then surprisingly firmly pushed Sunstreaker down onto the cot. His back thudded with it, but before he could do more than growl in offense and confusion, Skywarp had already wiggled his way between his legs and thrust his spike right in.

Sunstreaker moaned, or groaned, or whatever the strangled sound was that he made, unprepared for the intrusion he never agreed to. With his frame already having one overload behind it though, he couldn’t say it would’ve felt uncomfortable, and that was the worst part. Skywarp’s digits really hadn’t done much in the way of stretching, but his spike sure did, and yet the suddenness didn’t even sting.

The pace Skywarp set up wasn’t exactly harsh. It was fast, yes, but also smooth, and nothing about it was thoughtless.

In other words, it was primed to make the both of them feel good, and that was exactly what it did whether Sunstreaker liked it or not.

And he really wasn’t sure he liked it.

But it also felt a little too late to do anything about it. It was already happening, and his frame was definitely gaining more interest with each passing second.

What reasons other than his own reservations did he have to not see it through?

He didn’t fight it particularly much when his hips began to rock into Skywarp’s thrusts, staring at the ceiling and trying to forget what had led him here. Pits, this was… So messed up. This whole situation was. All of it.

But what else was new?

Just don’t think. Let it happen. It was only going to get worse once they’d get to Megatron.

This was nothing compared to that.

He got the feeling Skywarp lasted just as long as he pleased, because it was only when Sunstreaker tensed in overload all over again that the Seeker came too, in near perfect sync. He had to have been waiting on him. Which was… Nice of him, Sunstreaker supposed.

His valve was quick to end up in the same state as Sideswipe’s, though at least Skywarp didn’t pull out before he’d finished or something equally unpleasant. It was only after there was nothing more coming from his spike that he pulled back and left Sunstreaker to collect himself and his legs enough to close them. He closed his cover for good measure, although now it looked like Skywarp wasn’t planning anything further.

Sideswipe had gone to staring at the floor, too far in his own head to even fiddle his digits.

And Skywarp, true to form, didn’t look like he had any grasp whatsoever of their discomfort. “You’ve got a couple of breems before Megatron expects you,” was all the Seeker said, his wings twitching in satiation. He looked between them, so… Oblivious. Perfectly happy with the way things had gone.

Sideswipe didn’t lift his helm, only nodded mutely, but Sunstreaker met Skywarp’s gaze. For all the good that did. He knew his expression was beyond blank, his emotional slate about wiped empty, but whether Skywarp was so caught up in his own world and its expectations or whatever else was spurring him on… Skywarp smiled at him. A real bright smile.

“And… Thanks for the help,” Sideswipe said, very quietly, drawing the Seeker’s attention back to him.

“You’re welcome!” he chirped back. “We should do that again sometime!”

No. No, they really shouldn’t.

“Sure,” was all Sideswipe said, voice so barely above a whisper.

Sunstreaker growled, pushing himself up to sitting and swinging his legs over the edge of the cot. A couple of breems before things would get worse.

This was a pretty good prelude to that already, though.

Sideswipe closed his cover too, after this much delay and after having already leaked a sizable pool on Skywarp’s cot. It didn’t seem Skywarp took an issue with that, though they could only hope the Seeker would at least clean it up after they left. The stench of interface was already constant in the harem wing. They didn’t need stains all over the place too.

Not that there really were any, and they would’ve probably appeared a long time ago if they were going to at all.

Skywarp didn’t say anything further, but he did fetch cloths from his subspace and handed each of them one.

There was something they hadn’t yet earned their rights to. Their subspaces were still safely locked. It would’ve been nice to have access to them, as much as they expected they wouldn’t ever be just theirs again. If not the guards, then Megatron was sure to always have permission to root around in them just as he pleased. They wouldn’t be private anymore.

But still. The ability to carry things with them without having to hold it physically was a luxury they had always taken for granted. Not so anymore.

They accepted the cloths despite their envy and cleaned the worst of the splatters off themselves, just as Skywarp did. Oh, there would be more soon, but for the moment it would be nice to not be as visibly dirty. It was useless, not like every damn mech in here didn’t know just what happened in and to the harem, but they’d still need to make the short but public walk to Megatron’s wing.

What was it about their dignity that they tried to preserve? There was nothing left to preserve.

Skywarp started to prattle on about something or other after a few more moments of silence, and didn’t leave before their minutes were up and it was time to go. “I can walk you,” he said then.

They nodded, just… Tiredness seeping into their struts at the thought of having to entertain Megatron once again. There was no avoiding it, though. They’d known better than that for quite some time already.

Better get it over with and hope for the best. At the very least they were prepared, now. That was a first, but it should help things some.

Hopefully.

They followed Skywarp through the harem wing, out the main doors that never led to freedom, and through the spacious halls to the doors of Megatron’s wing. Skywarp waved them goodbye with a, “Have fun!” as the guards opened the doors for them.

Sideswipe waved back, and in they went. It was a by now familiar trudge to the doors at the very end of the corridor and into the lounge they led to. Megatron was already present, as was Soundwave, and they both glanced up on their arrival. “Go to the berthroom. I’ll be with you shortly,” the tyrant said a bit curtly, and that was enough to make anxiety flutter within their spark. Megatron in a bad mood was even worse than Megatron in a good mood, and neither was ever good.

Once the Kaonites turned away, Sunstreaker sent a baleful glare at the datapad they were perusing, as if he could blame all their suspected troubles on it. Nevertheless, they walked through the lounge and into the berthroom, though they didn’t go so far as to get up on the berth itself. Not without permission. Sideswipe went to lean a shoulder against it anyway, crossing his arms. His gaze fell down again, watching his pede as he scuffed the floor with it.

Sunstreaker frowned and similarly folded his arms across his chassis, trying to stomp down on the hate that wanted to stubbornly curl in his spark. He’d already gotten corrected for displaying such feelings once, he didn’t particularly fancy repeating the experience. Especially if Megatron was already in a lousy mood.

They got to wait for a while before the floor trembled with Megatron’s pedesteps and the tyrant entered the room, earning a glance from the both of them—Sideswipe’s no more than a peek from beneath the rim of his helmet. “On the berth,” Megatron instructed them, he himself walking over to his desk to set some datapads down on it. The twins hauled themselves up on the berth ahead of him, though Megatron was soon to follow.

Sunstreaker sat to the side as Megatron caught Sideswipe by the legs and pulled him to him, spreading them to position himself between his brother’s thighs. Sideswipe retracted his valve cover as Megatron’s servo approached his crotch, and the tyrant’s claws sank in without encountering any resistance.

“Wet,” Megatron commented, cocking an optical ridge down at him. Sideswipe flinched, expecting… Something negative.

But no.

Megatron merely rumbled in clear approval before fetching his digits and replacing them with his spike without any further preparation on his part.

And this was why they had prepared beforehand, although Sunstreaker realized they hadn’t quite accounted for the fact it would please Megatron. Did they really want to do that?

Weren’t they doing that most of the time anyway?

Wouldn’t the little defiance they were still allowed have been worth it?

Wasn’t this for them, not for Megatron?

And… Even as Megatron set up a truly punishing pace that still didn’t manage to really hurt or damage, having that, his preferences accounted for, no matter how unintentionally… It took off some of the edge of danger in his field. It was still there and for their own good they ought to tread very carefully lest they set the tyrant off, but it wasn’t as pronounced.

Had their act been a good thing, then? For them?

It appeared so.

Sideswipe tried to stay quiet, but it didn’t hurt enough. It felt too good, despite everything, his frame taking even the roughness as something positive with the way it scraped his sensors—every sensor, with the sheer width and length of Megatron’s spike, what was supposed to be far too big for them.

And had been, before. At first. Now?

Little moans began to fall from Sideswipe’s vocalizer, and something burst in Megatron’s field. Lust. One of his massive servos came up and wrapped around Sideswipe’s throat, forcing his helm back just to make room for it.

It squeezed, threatening the structural integrity of Sideswipe’s entire neck. Sideswipe fought hard not to tense, because if he did so now, things would start hurting for real.

It was hard, though. They knew exactly what Megatron was capable of, the kind of pain he could deliver for the smallest of reasons—just because he wanted to. They hadn’t given him a reason, so surely he wouldn’t now..?

But they weren’t going to underestimate Megatron’s wickedness.

Megatron’s other servo slipped beneath Sideswipe’s aft and hoisted it up for a better angle, all the better to drive into his twin with all the force of a piledriver. And still, still it kept registering as pleasure, even if barely so. There was an edge of pain to it all, yes, the kind that heralded guaranteed soreness after all was said and done, but Megatron wasn’t using his Primus damned skills to damage Sideswipe. He could have, so easily. Angled himself a little differently, and he could have.

But wasn’t Megatron utter control? In this and everything else, he did just what he wanted and nothing else, and made everyone else do just what he wanted and nothing else. If he wanted to hurt, he did. If he didn’t want to hurt, he didn’t.

Simple as that.

And despite his concern, Sideswipe couldn’t deny his frame’s responses to the treatment. Maybe a part of it was just self-preservation at this point. Enjoy it, or else it would be just that much worse. Either way his brother closed his optics tightly, trying to keep some of his wits around him despite the force Megatron was handling his frame with, the servo that kept such a tight hold of his throat—as if such was necessary.

As if Sideswipe would have tried to go anywhere anyway, anymore.

He didn’t so much as grab onto Megatron to ground himself, in fear the tyrant wouldn’t approve of that and would let his displeasure be felt. Instead his claws sank into the berth on either side of him. At least that much was permissible.

Sunstreaker didn’t really want to watch, but he did so anyway, unable to look away either. Megatron had… Frustration in him, that much was clear. He took his violent time with things, rumbling harsher with every sound that Sideswipe made—every sound of shy pleasure, not outright pain. They already knew Megatron could last about as long as he very well wanted to, and now it looked like he planned to thoroughly ravage Sideswipe’s frame before deciding he would be done.

There was nothing they could do about that. They could have tried, like they had, but it wouldn’t have worked.

So they didn’t. Sideswipe kept clutching onto the berth as Megatron drove in and out of his frame and kept him from slipping away even by accident with the combined grip on his throat and behind, trapping him into that cycle until he ached.

And yet it didn’t stop. This… Would have been awful had they had not prepared themselves. Despite everything, Sideswipe was glad they had, and Sunstreaker very well couldn’t blame him for that. It was he who had gotten a turn first, and likely, he who got the worst of it. With any luck Megatron would have worked through most of whatever was bothering him by the time he decided to switch his attention to Sunstreaker.

It wasn’t very fair, but that was how it went.

Sunstreaker wrapped his arms around his shins as they just… Waited. Sideswipe overloaded hard in the middle of it, without any warning even to himself, his hoarse cry ringing out despite the crushing hold on his throat. Megatron growled at that, slammed it one more time, and then… Then he allowed himself to overload as well, grinding against Sideswipe’s pelvis with well enough force to wear away the paint. Sideswipe keened when the searing pulses of Megatron’s come hit his sensitized sensors, triggering another, smaller overload right on the heels of the previous one.

He felt raw despite the lubricant that had already existed before they got started, and the more of it that had joined the mess during it. How much worse would it have been if they’d gone in dry?

Pits…

Sideswipe’s ventilations were all but wheezing when Megatron loosened his hold on his throat and pulled out to a flood of fluids, the tyrant revving himself—pleased enough, for now. In a slightly better mood if Sunstreaker was any judge of that, just as they had predicted.

And then it was Sunstreaker’s turn. “Ride me,” Megatron commanded him, moving off of Sideswipe who rolled to the side, out of the way. That was about all he managed before he slumped against the berth, needing a moment. He’d be fine in a bit, all cool.

Sunstreaker held back his sigh and crawled over to the tyrant as Megatron laid back on the berth, very intent on not doing any of the work this round from the looks of things. His spike had retreated halfway into its housing, and as Sunstreaker didn’t want to know what body part of his he’d be expected to use to get it back out if it escaped entirely, he was swift in straddling the martinet’s hips, retracting his valve cover and sinking down on the spike before it could retract further, and before he could think better of it—hesitate.

He could feel it begin to pressurize anew when met with the warmth of his valve.

Disgust welled until it threatened to strangle him. He did nothing about it.

But he took too long. “Get to work,” Megatron said to him, voice on this side of a growl. Displeased, when his mood was already questionable.

Sunstreaker’s was no better, but it was him who would suffer if things didn’t go according to Megatron’s whims.

So, despite his full frame shudder, he stopped dawdling and lifted himself up before dropping back down, hating the feel of the tyrant’s spike filling every inch of him even as his frame took interest. It didn’t feel bad, not after the lubricant that had gathered beforehand, and not after Skywarp’s spike had already relaxed his calipers just so.

He didn’t want his frame to enjoy it, but it did so anyway. Wasn’t that becoming the story of his life?

That wasn’t enough for Megatron. “Faster,” was the next order he was given, and it was such a close thing that he didn’t glare at the tyrant with abject hatred. But that order, too, was growled, and Sunstreaker was under no illusion that any misstep on his part would be ignored. He dropped his gaze on the last second, focusing on Megatron’s chest even as he did as told.

Faster, harder, because that was how Megatron fragging well liked it, and oh, who was he to not deliver? He had to draw his field in so tight just to hide his anger, and yet there was nothing he could do to stop the shaking of his frame.

But there were so many things that could have caused that. Megatron, blessedly, didn’t comment on it.

If it had only gotten left at that, but no, the damned mech just had to start groping him too. Megatron’s servos landed on his waist, then traced its curve up onto his chassis, his servos smoothing along his armor firmly, but with no intent to harm.

Sunstreaker tried his hardest to ignore the touch that wandered along his frame, slipping back to his aft at one point too, as much as he didn’t give near as much of a damn about that body part of his as Sideswipe did. He closed his optics and did his best to focus on the task at hand. He didn’t want to do that either, but it was still preferable to Megatron’s fragging fondling.

But the tyrant’s servos were big and covered so much of his frame so easily. It was difficult to just pretend they weren’t there.

And not even that was enough. He didn’t think much of it when Megatron’s servo traveled up his frame again, except, then it grabbed the back of his helm and pulled him down. Sunstreaker faltered in surprise, only for his engine to whine with the same emotion when Megatron crushed their lips together. Sideswipe revved with the same next to them, but slag, not like this wasn’t anything new either, was it?

Megatron just happened to be in the fragging mood for it or something.

Sunstreaker shuddered when the tyrant’s glossa forced entry, his mouth ever so reluctantly falling open, and now there was no escaping any of it—no pretending it wasn’t happening, with how… Intimate Megatron had once again made things. Interfacing, that was all but ruined by now.

He hadn’t yet quite reached the same point with kissing. That had always been more special, more rarely done, more important.

More meaningful.

But that part of him belonged to Megatron too, and he reminded him of it with the possessive press of his lips, the way his glossa invaded, used. Sunstreaker hardly remembered to even move, his vents rasping as he tried to just withstand it, but it didn’t matter anymore. Megatron didn’t seem to care that he wasn’t appropriately riding him anymore. Sunstreaker noticed too late when the tyrant’s servo slipped behind him again, but he fucking well noticed it when one of those thick digits pressed against the entrance of his valve, right next to the spike already stretching him past his supposed capacity.

His optics blew wide and he tried to jerk forward, away from it, but Megatron’s hold on his helm tightened and he growled in warning. He didn’t even need to say anything to get all of his meaning across.

He was to go nowhere.

Sunstreaker still would have tried if shock hadn’t frozen him in place when the digit pressed again, more insistently this time, and kept pressing against the resistance of his rim. A cry spiraled from his throat as the tightness increased, as did the sting, until Megatron heedlessly and brutally forced his digit in right next to his damned spike. Sunstreaker tried to jerk forward again, but it was already too late. His vents wheezed. It hurt.

This time it really hurt.

Megatron finally pulled back from his mouth and Sunstreaker’s helm dropped to rest against the tyrant’s chest, his frame desperately trying to adjust to the stretch of his rim and lower calipers. His valve clenched and fluttered, but that only made it burn that much more.

He wanted to ask why. Sideswipe wanted to ask why. They wanted to ask why. Why did Megatron only continue to harrow them, even when they tried to behave themselves?

Was nothing enough?

But they didn’t say anything. They didn’t do anything. Sideswipe was crying, quietly, tears running down his face. Sunstreaker mostly felt numb when Megatron pulled his digit to the side, only adding to the stretch, testing his frame’s limits further and further until Sunstreaker was crying out again. The pain was becoming very real, his HUD flashing warnings at him, although no real damage was done. Yet.

As it turned out, no real damage would be done either. Megatron didn’t push it further before he returned his digit to where it had started, then pulled it away from his valve entirely—left the rim to clamp down around the spike only. Tension Sunstreaker hadn’t even noticed he had suddenly left his frame and he released a gush of air, staring blankly at the grey metal of Megatron’s chassis.

He knew better than to fight, he really did, but pits if he didn’t want to anyway, good sense and reason be damned.

But he didn’t. Megatron rocked his hips and Sunstreaker was only relieved he apparently wasn’t expected to do the work anymore. His frame shivered but he let it be used, waiting so eagerly for Megatron to finish.

It didn’t take long, then there was a bloom of heat at the depths of his valve, and he didn’t want to feel relieved to have Megatron’s transfluid all over his internals, but he was—because it was one step closer to all of this ending soon, hopefully. Only temporarily, until the time they made their escape, but even that temporarily was so dear to them.

He didn’t get an overload of his own, but Sunstreaker couldn’t find it in himself to be disappointed over that, despite the stirring arousal in his frame.

Megatron pushed him off of him once he had basked in his overload for a moment, and Sunstreaker went eagerly, the moment Megatron’s spike entirely vacated his valve one of relief. His valve entrance was sore, Sideswipe’s entire valve ached, but hadn’t they gotten off relatively easy this time?

So far. Who knew if Megatron still had something more planned.

He did.

“Lick me clean. Together,” Megatron said, still lounging indolently on the berth. His spike hadn’t retracted.

Fresh tears welled in Sideswipe’s optics and Sunstreaker hung his helm, but what choice did they have except humiliate themselves so?

What choice did they ever have?

-------------------------------------------------

Sideswipe resolutely ignored the moaning coming from the back of the entertainment room in favor of focusing on moving his next piece on the game board. The game was full with four players, himself included, and there was absolutely no reason why he should let the fucking interrupt a good time.

Absolutely no reason.

It was really damn hard though. If he just turned off his audials, he wouldn’t hear the conversation and commentary of his game partners, so that didn’t really work out either.

Sunstreaker had done it, though. His brother was leaning against his back, doodling around on his art pad like he never seemed to get tired of doing, and streaming music directly into his audials instead of listening to the actual sounds of the room. Sideswipe couldn’t blame him. The sounds weren’t really… Pleasant. What was it, a threesome going on over there? Foursome? He wasn’t sure and he wasn’t going to look.

But everyone else ignored them too, so he ought to try to do the same, right?

“Just give up, Hot Shot, there’s no way you’re winning here,” Twin Twist was chortling as he moved his own piece. Sideswipe cracked a smile too, because the fellow twin wasn’t exactly wrong. Hot Shot wasn’t doing so great.

The mech made a face, but took his turn without yielding. “Fat chance. I still have the time to turn this around! Somehow…”

“You wish,” their fourth player laughed, and then it was Sideswipe’s turn again. He wasn’t going to win either, but he might be the third. Or second, if he was lucky.

Come on, the first time he’d played this was when he’d ended up here, you couldn’t really expect him to wipe the floors with the others yet. He was sure they were the same games played on Free Cybertron with maybe some slight variations, but he’d sort of missed out on most of these sorts of pastimes, during his life.

The harem with its luxuries really was a way to make him realize how much of what was even just normal for most he’d never had himself.

It also made him realize how damn lucky he had been to never unwillingly end up as a buymech or indentured industrial worker or something like that, which was always a very real possibility when living on the streets. There were those that sold their frames willingly.

And then there were those that didn’t.

Somehow he’d ended up far closer to the latter camp, even if he wasn’t technically a buymech or a shareware. The beats were still pretty similar though, he figured.

And he and Sunstreaker had already considered the possibility that in order to survive once they were out of here, they might need to become just that. It was an easy job to get into if you had the looks, and luckily for them, they did.

But even if they needed to go down that path, out there would still be better than in here. At least they’d be working for themselves. They’d be free. Struggling to get by, maybe, but that was still going to be a vast improvement, not to mention nothing new to them. The methods of how they were going to make ends meet in Kaon might change compared to what they’d done in Iacon, but there would still be plenty of familiar in that life.

He glanced up at the main screen when the name of Optimus Prime was mentioned in the talk show that was playing—followed by laughter, from the tv as well as the mates following the show. A butt of some joke then, as usual. That was all the Prime ever seemed to be here. You’d have thought they might even somewhat pretend to take him seriously, considering he was the leader of the entirety of Free Cybertron and the single most powerful mech on all of Cybertron, but no.

They just made fun of him, while constantly putting Megatron up on a pedestal and speaking of him with admiration and reverence. It was so… Casual, too. Constant. The same sentiment permeated absolutely everything, even when it wasn’t stated outright.

It was hard to even remember to frown at it anymore, with how everywhere it was. He’d be frowning all the time if he did that, anyway. Besides, it just got them curious looks from the other mates, who, despite clearly having come from all over Cybertron, seemed to have entirely forgotten that the world outside of Kaon wasn’t a hellscape where freedom went to die.

No, Kaon was where it came to die. Look at them. Just look at them all, in here.

How could anyone ever call this place Free Kaon?

Yet they all did.

The music, too. It sounded different from that of Free Cybertron for one, where the options you had were immeasurable—probably part of Kaon’s “cultural identity” there or something, they seemed to put such a big weight on maintaining that.

But the lyrics, too. The love songs, the war music, the ballads and everything in between, it all elevated Kaon as the greatest thing in the whole goddamn universe, either subtly or outright. You could expect it from some of it, sure, the genres where the kind of nationalism was natural even in Free Cybertron, but it was fragging everywhere here. Maybe it was just an odd phrase here or a few words there, but almost anything you listened to and it would one way or another promote Kaon, its culture, people, leaders or lifestyle.

There wasn’t exactly any of Free Cybertron’s entertainment available though, so if they wanted to listen to music, that was what they got.

Same with the movies, games, anything that came from the tv, literature, news, tabloids…

The list was endless and covered everything.

It didn’t really crackle in their audials the same way it had, which was… Disturbing, to say the least.

But probably unavoidable, no matter how they might want to keep their Free Cybertron’s sentiments and pride.

“Sunstreaker?”

Sideswipe glanced up when Skywarpt’s voice sounded from the doorway. The Seeker was passing his optics over the room before he zeroed in on the golden mech, his wings perking up.

Sunstreaker glanced up on Sideswipe’s prompting and brought his audials back online, flinching when the continued sounds of interface assaulted him–

But did his best to ignore that in favor of focusing on Skywarp. “Yeah?”

“Knock Out was wondering if you’d want to practice some body painting with him,” Skywarp grinned. “Someone got their paint slagged and needs to have it redone,” he continued with a leer into the hallway. Sideswipe could hear someone grumbling, probably whoever had managed to get their paint ruined like that.

He had to wonder how that had happened, but quickly decided he probably didn’t want to know.

“...Why me?” Sunstreaker asked suspiciously, even as he set his drawing tablet down. Sideswipe could feel his hopeful eagerness right along with his caution. It wasn’t that they actively distrusted Knock Out or anything, but this came without much warning, you know?

“He thought you might want to learn, is all,” Skywarp shrugged. “I mean, you like painting and tending to your finish and all that… You don’t have to, though, ‘course.”

So. Knock Out wanted a protégé?

Lucky for him he had found a rather eager one.

Not that Sunstreaker was about to let that on. “Sure, I guess,” was all he said, leaving his tablet with Sideswipe and getting up to leave the room. Sideswipe watched him go until he disappeared into the hallway, with Skywarp waving him in the direction of the washracks and its paints corner along with the mate that was… Wow, definitely in need of a repaint, that much was for sure.

Sunstreaker decided he wasn’t going to ask about that.

The other mech looked a bit relieved no one was bringing the state of his plating up.

Knock Out was already picking paint canisters when they entered, shaking them to mix their contents back up. “Ah, Sunstreaker, good. I thought you might want to get a hang of this. Why quit at just knowing how to polish yourself, hmm?” the medic mused, waving their victim of the day forward.

“It’s a skill, for sure,” Sunstreaker commented, doing his best to downplay his budding excitement. He’d seen and experienced firsthand what Knock Out could do, though. How much better would it be to know how to perform miracles like that himself?

“You’re already an artist, I expect you’ll get the hang of this quickly,” Knock Out said a little offhandedly, but that didn’t prevent Sunstreaker from preening. The other mate stifled a chuckle even as Knock Out turned him this way and that, presumably to judge what exactly needed to be done.

“Do you want any changes to your colors? No? Alright. Sunstreaker! Let’s start this by stripping what’s… Left of his paint. Then we can get down to business.”

No joke, the poor mech looked better with bare grey plating than he did with the patchy colorwork that had been left on him. Once they’d made sure his armor was clear of any bumps and scratches, they set the primer, and that was where the lesson really started. Knock Out was exacting on how it was to be applied.

Knowing what Knock Out could do, Sunstreaker didn’t question it and followed the instruction to the best of his ability. He knew he was far slower than what the master himself was, but Knock Out had surprising patience so long as Sunstreaker actually did as he was told, as those were the ways to get the very best results—all that Knock Out would accept.

Sunstreaker, being a bit of a perfectionist himself, didn’t disagree. He didn’t have near enough experience to judge Knock Out’s methods beyond the results he got with them, and the results spoke for themselves.

With the primer in place, the fun could start. It was one thing to choose the simple colors one wanted to have, quite another to bring them to life the way Knock Out could, and Sunstreaker was hungry for that knowledge. First stage was, naturally, how to apply paint just right, none too thick, none too thin, to stay in control of it at all times. How else were you supposed to get the results they were after? Knock Out even came prepared with blank metal sheets for Sunstreaker to do some practice runs on, before he tried his fledgling skills on actual living metal.

Somehow he almost got the feeling Knock Out had been planning this for a while now. Luckily for everyone, Sunstreaker had always been a fast learner when it came to something he had an interest in, and this, this he was definitely interested in. It spared him some frustration, Knock Out some nerves, and their subject some ruined paint. Oh, he wasn’t about to get it perfect, not the way Knock Out could, but by Primus he would give it his best go. Luckily, his fellow mate seemed to have already accepted the fact that his paint wasn’t necessarily going to be as professionally made as the others’, and had likely volunteered for this if Knock Out had approached him with the suggestion first.

It was for a good cause!

As Knock Out had done with their own paint jobs too long ago, it all came to thoughtfully applying different shades in different areas to create the kind of otherworldly depth and artificial play of light and shadow removed from the lighting of the environment—all to better bring out the features of the mech’s armor.

In his humble opinion, Sunstreaker didn’t think they made quite as dashing of a canvas as he and Sideswipe had, but then who could? They were unusually attractive by design, for whatever reason. Vain creators, perhaps? The exact reasons didn’t really matter, only that they had always enjoyed their own looks. Who didn’t want to look good, or better than just “good”?

All the same, having a paint job à la Knock Out could only help a mech, even if they lacked the physical characteristics to look as dashing as the twins could. Far be it from Sunstreaker to be so cruel as to intentionally ruin someone’s paint job, either. He didn’t need to lower himself to tactics such as that to remain the most attractive mech in the room. It would only demean him, make him petty.

No, he needn’t be so.

--------------------------------

“Is he having fun?” Skywarp asked as he observed their game. They were almost done with it, and yeah, Sideswipe wasn’t winning this one. He was on the running to reach second place though!

And Hot Shot was still losing.

“Who? Sunny?” Sideswipe asked back, a little distracted as he tried to plot his next move. Dammit, he wasn’t going to accept third place if he could find a way to get higher than that.

“Yeah.”

Duh, who else could Skywarp even be talking about, honestly?

Was he having fun? Sideswipe grinned. “Yeah, he is. Nice of Knock Out to teach him.”

Skywarp laughed. “Honestly, Knock Out probably just wants someone not him who can look after everyone’s paint jobs too. He takes our looks real seriously. Like it’s a point of personal pride to him or something.”

Sideswipe laughed too. “Yeah, I’ve noticed. How’s he ended up in that role anyway? Did someone tell him to do it?” Megatron, maybe?

“Not as far as I know,” Skywarp denied that guess, though. “Preeeetty sure he just finds less than perfect looks personally offensive, and since he needs to be staring at the bunch of us a lot, he took it upon himself to make sure everyone looks tip top.”

“Won’t hear me complain about it,” Twin Twist piped in to a chorus of agreement from the players and a few other mates close enough to listen in on the conversation. Sideswipe snickered, but really, he could join in on that sentiment. It was nice to look good.

It would be even better if Sunstreaker learned the trade too. He really was enjoying himself. It was challenging, there was no doubt about that, but not like Sunstreaker, being an artist, wasn’t already very familiar with the concepts of light and shadow and color theory and pit, whatever else went into paint jobs like that. It was just a different way of applying the same skills, and Knock Out knew the technique and best tricks.

One had to wonder how long it had taken Knock Out to figure all that out though, and if he had had instructors at some point. If he hadn’t… Doubly nice of him to pass his skills onto someone.

Even if it was just to reduce his own workload, as Skywarp suspected. There were a lot of mates in the harem, and while they could generally keep their finishes clean and tidy, sometimes…

Sometimes things just got a little too frisky for the good of anyone’s paint, either because of Megatron, or because of the mates themselves. And then those paints needed fixing.

And really only Knock Out seemed truly qualified to do it. Combine that with already doing everyone’s repairs and maintenance, and maybe he just wanted a bit more free time in his hands.

But Sideswipe didn’t want to be thinking about the reasons for the ruination of anyone’s paint job. Those were limited, here, and… Not really pleasant thoughts.

Focus on the game, Sideswipe, focus on the game.

Annnnd he so wasn’t going to make it to second place. Twin Twist was going to win at this rate, Hot Shot at last place was already guaranteed, and it looked like Sideswipe was going to become a solid third. But hey! Better than losing entirely! He’d definitely done enough of that already, but maybe he was finally starting to get the hang of this.

He might even win with a bit more time.

…Not that he really wanted to have enough time to get that good with the game. It would mean… Not getting out of here anytime soon, and he wasn’t okay with that.

Even if they weren’t yet any closer to figuring out how they would actually make their escape.

“King of the hill!” Twin Twist hooted when he made his very final move and officially won the game. There was laughter and some tossed congratulations from around them, even as Hot Shot groaned. Sideswipe giggled, lost the second place four moves later, and won third place two moves after that.

“That’s it, I’m not picking this game back up before I’ve studied tactics,” Hot Shot announced, frowning at the game board. There was more good natured laughter that Sideswipe found it easy to join in on, but then Topspin made an appearance on the scene and bowled his twin over.

To… Right. There was kissing, then groping, some announcement of a celebratory fuck, and off they were!

Sideswipe cringed, though no one seemed to notice his discomfort. In fact, Skywarp glued himself to his side and before Sideswipe knew it, one of the Seeker’s servos had slipped between his legs and scraped over his panels. Sideswipe tensed at once, but before he could think of an appropriate reaction, and appropriate way to say ‘what the fuck, no!’–

Skywarp had leaned in to bite his neck. Sideswipe could feel the almost frustrated arousal in his field, and guessed it had to have been a while since Skywarp had had his last interface.

It wasn’t anything personal. Skywarp meant no harm. He just wanted relief.

It was still so unwelcome.

“Want to celebrate your third place?” Skywarp asked, and fuck, things were devolving fast everywhere around him. Twin Twist and Topspin were thoroughly distracted with each other, someone else had grabbed Hot Shot and they seemed to have a hell of a lot of fun, and they weren’t the only ones.

Somehow, Sideswipe had ended up in the midst of more than a little interfacing, instead of being able to stay on the sidelines like he usually would have.

“Not- not really,” he stammered, his field drawing tight to himself to not taste the arousal surrounding him from all sides. He didn’t want to ruin Sunstreaker’s fun either though, so at the same time he drew just a little away from his twin so as to not distract him.

Not like anything horrible was happening. Megatron hadn’t arrived or anything. It was just the mates doing what the mates had a habit of doing, and this time Sideswipe had gotten unlucky enough to get caught in the middle of it.

That was all.

It was like Skywarp didn’t even hear, or maybe he was so far up in the assumption that of course Sideswipe would be fine with it like anyone else would be that he completely failed to notice he wasn’t. He wasn’t fine with it. Skywarp’s servo didn’t leave and he gushed warm air from his helm vents against Sideswipe’s neck. It didn’t matter that Sideswipe tried to close his legs or that he tried to pull away.

Skywarp didn’t notice. Neither did anyone else, for that matter.

“‘Warp, I’m… I’m really not in the mood right now,” Sideswipe tried, and that finally seemed to catch Skywarp’s attention enough that the Seeker pulled back to look at him.

With concern. “You okay?”

No. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Just… Kinda hungry.” What was wrong with him, that he wouldn’t want to interface, huh?

But low fuel levels seemed to be an acceptable excuse, because Skywarp nodded and pulled back. “You go fuel,” except he continued with a very suggestive caress along Sideswipe’s thigh, “Wanna catch up later?”

No. Pit no. “Maybe. I’ll let you know, okay?” Sideswipe smiled, hoped that smile wasn’t too weak, then extracted himself from the midst of the other mates, grabbed Sunstreaker’s art pad, and fled the scene. The whole room. He stumbled into the dining hall instead, despite the fact fuel was the second to last thing he wanted right then—right before fragging.

There were exactly three other mates in the room, but they left him alone after he waved a greeting, pretended to be fine. Sideswipe himself went to the furthest corner of the hall and sat himself along the table there, soon dropping his helm into his servos.

Why was he even so upset? He knew what Skywarp and the others were like. He should’ve expected that, especially after a game that long. They got horny in less time already, and once they did, they didn’t exactly bother to hold back.

He should’ve seen it coming. Left as soon as the game ended. He couldn’t just… Suddenly expect them to lose their blindness to someone’s unwillingness to interface. They were so caught up in all of this that it didn’t seem like they could even fathom another mindset anymore.

Even though they all had to have been in Sunstreaker and his position once upon a time. Their frame designs spoke of so many different city-states that they had each originated from. They weren’t all Kaonite. Most weren’t. They couldn’t have been born into this, this… Life and culture. They had to have had normal lives at one point, before they were more than likely taken just like he and Sunstreaker had been taken, and brought here, and then bent and twisted until they didn’t see right from wrong anymore.

Would that happen to them too, if they stayed here too long?

They couldn’t allow it.

They had to get out.

Before they lost their fucking minds to this mess.

( Next )

#transformers #megatron #sunstreaker #sideswipe #skywarp #knock out #twin twist #topspin #hot shot #fic #2021 #harem au

13 notes · View notes

snickiebear · 3 years

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yo nadia <3333 i'm bored in my online classes and u reblogged the questions thingy at the right time lmao, so get ready: 1, 4, 5, 9, 10, 17, 23, 24, 28, 30!!!, 34, 38, 39, 40 (the intimacy of being understood) (imma stop here lol) (also i'm sorry u're not feeling well, ily and hope u'll feel better soon!! <33333)

ELE ILY. (and thank you, i’m stayin home today cause,,, yeah. i appreciate you sm.) you’re the literal best, i adore you.

1. How long ago did you start reading fanfiction? Writing fanfiction?

The first fanfiction i read was for The Lunar Chronicles when I was like 11?? and it was 100% on accident and it scarred me because it was a hardcore porn one with a period kink and i was like WHAT IS THIS??? OH MY GOD???? LMAOOOOO i didn’t pick it back up until i was 13-14 and really got into the Fairy Tail fandom. I still reread my favorites on ff.net cause i love them.

As for writing, I wrote a horrible, terrible x-men fanfiction when I was twelve. (my friend still brings it up and REFUSES to delete it so it still gets comments and views, that shit HAUNTS ME ELE.) then tried again for Fairy Tail, posted like two chapters before taking it down cause i wasn’t really feeling it. And then I posted The Intimacy Of Being Understood and here we are.

4. Link your three favorite fics right now.

OMGG okok

@murd3rm1ttens ‘s The Problem How Time Works IF YOU HAVENT READ THIS YOU GUYS NEED TO HOP ON IT ASAP. MITTEN’S WRITING SO SO SO SO GOOD. SAKURA AND INO ARE TOTAL BADASSES. KAKASHI IS A SIMPPPP. ITS SO FUCKING GOOD.

@mouseymightymarvellous ‘s We Were Screaming In Color (Only A Possibility) yes, yes I KNOW. i always point into mousey’s direction but i WILL always advocate that everyone reads her fics, they’re literally so beautiful???? i just happen to be rereading WWSIN rn

@safelycapricious ‘s Shaking Up And Breaking Down series. I found this like?? idfk but i’ve been raving about it ever since. ALSO CHECK OUT THEIR FICS IN GENERAL.

fuck i have more than three but also check out @ambivalens999 ‘s Masks

i do wanna make a fic rec thing where i just rav about my favs,,, might do that later or sum

5. What are your fanfic pet peeves? Do they have a huge effect on whether or not you decide to read something?

Omniscient third person. I don’t like it. Like I can understand that it can be a little hard to stay in one person’s perspective but, in my opinion, if you can, it shows how disciplined you are as a writer. Plus, i just get so confused when I go from A’s thoughts to suddenly what B is thinking about A.

When writers use ‘ ‘ instead of “ “. When writers put thoughts in ‘ ‘ instead of just italicizing them. It’s small things but like they just bother me sO MUCH. most of the time i can ignore it and try to enjoy but other times i just dip.

9. Tag 3 fic writers you think are underrated/unknown in the fandom/fanfiction community.

@espoir-et-reves !!!!! THEIR SHISAKU FICS ARE SO SO SO SO SO GOOD. And they have a warring states one going on THAT I AM SO OBSESSED WITH.

@writer168 idk if they’re really “underrated” but THEY HAVE SUCH GREAT FICS ON AO3. Like theres an AU with sakura, kiba, and shino that i reread constantly because it just. is. so. fucking. GOOD. and they posted a new one that i’m YELLING about.

@eggtoasties okay they only have 2 in the naruto fandom (one shisaku which is still ongoing) BUT THEIR WRITING STYLE IS SO NICE?? I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT. I still go back and reread their shikasaku one cause UGH i can’t get enough. I love it.

10. What’s your favorite fandom, pairing, or character to read fic for?

Fandoms: Naruto, Soul Eater, The Old Guard, ATLA

Parings: KakaSaku/ShikaSaku/ShiSaku/MultiSaku, SoMa, Joe X Nicky, Zukka

Character: SAKURA. I will read anything with Sakura as the main character and her being a fuckin badass or becoming a badass. I love her.

17. How obsessively do you sit and stare at your fic after you’ve just posted and wait for feedback?

aha.. haha.. well. I check my email like three times an hour. its the first thing i check in the mornings too. I’m literally a whore for praise and literally eat up feedback like its going out of style. I also reread a lot of my stuff because i make so many mistakes and spelling errors, or the spacing is weird oR SOMETHING. plus, literally any and all comments make my day, i go back and reread them cause they just make me feel so tingly and warm like “wow. this person enjoyed the fic/my writing enough to tell me. thats HUGE!”

23. What’s your absolute favorite trope to write?

Angry, feral, bloodied, morally gray women. They aren’t bad guys, they’re probably the good guy, but that doesn’t mean they cant be fucking raging at the world with raw knuckles and blood on their teeth. I just love an angry woman who struggles with her emotions and just has so much inner conflict but that doesn’t take away from her character or badassery, it adds to it.

24. What’s a trope that you’d like to never hear about as long as you live, let alone write?

The fake dating or miscommunication troupe. LIKE GUYS JUST TALK. AND TELL EACH OTHER OMFG. the entire like obliviousness of “nah they dont like me” while the They holds their hand and kisses their cheek. MOFO WHAT. it makes me so impatient and like mad HAAHHAHA. its probably because i’m a pretty confrontational person so seeing stuff like that just “cmon bro, USE YO HEAD.”

28. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie: pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc)?

I have yet to receive a negative comment! Which i was really surprised about tbh. As for deadlines or pressure to update, i just kind of do whatever. I do set goals, but i set them flexible enough that hey, if i can’t do it, that’s okay.

I have a lot of mini goals, like “i want to write this chapter and get it done this week” and then the large goal is “FINISH BY END OF MAY” so i have time.

Actually, now that I think on it, the entire pressure to update thing is probably why i’m waiting until I have all of OL&W written to post it weekly,, cause well. I wouldn’t wanna leave you guys waiting as I tried to write and work out the next chapters and stuff, you know?

30. Post a snippet from your current WIP without context - no more than 300 words.

AAAAAA YOU KNOW I LOVE THESE AHAHAHAH

Have you seen the way the dead dance, World Breaker? They roar, half mad and starving. Do you not wish, do you not hope to see them twist and bend and dance to your will?

Shikamaru snarls, looking behind his shoulders to where his Shadows lay. “Patience.” He spits. “Is of the essence, Things of Ancient. Know your place as the dark you are.”

34. How much of yourself and your life experiences do you put into your writing? What do you think your readers’ image of you is?

None of my experiences match up to anything I write tbh,,, probably the only thing that is me in my writing is maybe the emotional turmoil? I’m pretty emotionally and mentally mature because from a pretty young age i started forming my own opinions, started looking into the world around us and being like “dude what the fuck this is not what disney advertised”. Then i started talking (read: arguing and debating) with my dad about a lot of it. So, like emotions are kind of hard for me. Like i’m pretty good at controlling them or understanding them, but still. idk its hard to explain ig.

Like the weight of stress, the anger, the sadness. It’s kind of therapeutic to write. Cause i don’t know how to put those feelings to verbal words so writing them really helps.

As for my readers’ image? Probably like some kind of hunched over figure typing away in the dark with a maniacal grin on their face. I honestly don’t know AHHAHAHA but it is fun to think about. I think they’d see me as someone with potential but a lot of room to grow and someone who is imperfect but in a charming way LMAOOOO

38. What does your writing process look like? How chaotic is it on a scale of 1 (very tame) to 10 (you can’t handle this kind of chaos)?

I’m gonna be real honest. Its probably like a 2. I’m a bit of a control freak so I almost always go in chronological order, my writing is pretty linear. Unless, i get bored and jump to one of my fav parts. It's pretty much i sit down, i open the doc, read over my notes and just start writing.

It’s a little boring to explain AHAHAHA but once i get into the groove of things its really fucking great, I can like feel myself in the world, I can feel what i want the characters to, i love it. I catch myself mouthing the words as i type too, which i find hilarious.

39. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

I rather like how raw my writing is sometimes. Which might sound really vain, but i do like the way i word things or describe things. I love juxtaposition and repetition, or making a good ole circle back to some minute detail that wouldn’t stand out until i repeat it at the end and you’re like “omg” AHAHAHAHA.

Like those little poetic snippets or certain wording i just sit back and go “damn thats kinda good nadia! go you!’ HAHAHA

40. How did you come up with the idea for The Intimacy Of Being Understood?

AAAAA this fic is like my first child, my pride and joy LMAO

so the idea initially came when i was reading some fic, idk if it was even naruto, but i was like “i don't like this, but i do like the rain symbolism.” And I knew i wanted to write something kind of slow paced, something a little sad and angsty, but would show KakaSaku slowly but surely falling in love.

Idk if you’ve noticed but a lot of my fics, the pairings don’t change each other dramatically. They accept each other as they are and then they grow with together. Like that acceptance is something i just love writing, its so subtle, it isn’t something you declare. Its simply “I am going to love you. I am going to love you despite your flaws and faults. I am going to love you unconditionally because I know you, I understand you, and there is nothing you could do to drive me away.”

The fic kind of wrote itself after that first scene. I kept going back to the rain, go being ghosts, and resurrection, and the small epiphanies one gets. I wanted to focus on each character’s growth with each other. They didn’t find light in life because of each other, but with each other. And i think that’s my favorite thing about that fic.

I wanted something raw and real and just something beautiful. I’m actually really proud of it tbh. Would i go back and rewrite/edit it? Oh of course! I’d do that with every single one of my fics, but i’m not gonna cause i think its in its rawest form right now. :))))

ask me shit plz

#silly things from silly friends

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bondsmagii · 3 years

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Thots on virgos

I’m gonna go one further and give you my thoughts on all the signs just so we’re not stuck doing this until I’ve made my way through the entire zodiac. my opinions are final, you may feel free to fight me but you will not win, and if any of you clowns give me a sign that’s technically a sign but not part of the common run-of-the-mill twelve I will find you and turn your kneecaps into shallow bowls for my hummus dip.

ARIES: top notch, get on very well with Aries, married to one. love the way that they’re always down to get involved with my stupid schemes. appreciate the attitude, love the challenge of being friends with an Aries, and I can appreciate that they’re good with competition. also their personalities are usually strong enough to keep up with mine which has been noted to be extremely forceful lol.

TAURUS: upon first glance never thought I’d get on with a Taurus because I thought they would be too chill, but outside of my current relationship my two most successful relationships were with a Taurus. love how dependable they are, love how they can stay calm even when I’m bouncing off the walls, and love how they always have some kind of creativity in them that’s very often not what you would expect.

GEMINI: honestly don’t understand why these guys get so much shit? I’ve always gotten on with Geminis but then again I’m a drama loving bastard so maybe I just don’t notice if the various accusations are true/if they’re a bad thing lol. I appreciate how curious Geminis can be and it’s a trait I’ve noticed in all my Gemini friends -- absolutely insatiable curiosity, which is a trait I respect. they’ve also been some of the kindest people I’ve known, with impeccable patience.

CANCER: I haven’t known many Cancers and all of them have been batshit insane, but they’ve also been a lot of fun and I’ve loved talking to them. they always seem to have new ideas to bring to the table and while they’re sometimes a little too emotional for me I find it’s not in the weird way? I don’t know, they’re very in tune and unapologetic and bounce from one thing to the next quickly and I find that exciting.

LEO: love the drama. love the flair. love the aesthetics. a lot of people give Leo shit for being arrogant and they are but I love it. I can appreciate a bit of arrogance, so long as the person can back it up. I like the self-confidence of Leos, whether it be genuine or a fake it til you make it kind of deal. also a lot of the Leos I’ve seen have been super hot, too, so good for you guys.

VIRGO: I haven’t known many Virgos and the ones I’ve known have been... interesting. kind of aloof, kind of weird, but not in the bad way. sometimes I’ve been frustrated because I’ve found they like to think deeply into things and analyse and stuff and I don’t often have time for that, but I can appreciate the insight this gives them. it’s practical, and I often fail at being practical, so this is a nice balance.

LIBRA: my best friend in high school was a Libra and she was great. absolute social butterfly that dragged me on numerous adventures. I can appreciate the Libra talent of generally getting people to like them or to at least tolerate them, because that opens a lot of doors that can be used for evil. sometimes want to throttle the Libras I’ve known for always wanting to hear both sides of a story whereas I just want to commit cold hard murder, but nobody’s perfect.

SCORPIO: my worst relationship was with a Scorpio but he was a fucking loser so I’m not gonna judge all Scorpios by his immensely disappointing standards. love the sexiness of the Scorpios I’ve known, and love how they align nicely with me on the evil scale. pretty kick-ass, would rather have one as my friend than my enemy, and most Scorpios I’ve known have had a brilliant fashion sense even if it’s a bit eccentric.

SAGITTARIUS: I don’t think I’ve ever met a Sagittarius. not entirely sure they even exist. I know like one single person who might be one and they were pretty cool. funny, very weird, but always brought something fresh and funky to the table. couldn’t spell “Sagittarius” which makes me think they were definitely one. this seems like a Sagittarius thing to do.

CAPRICORN: the Capricorns I know have always kind of scared me because they’ve been so fucking focused and I just do not know how to do that. like. they were the kind of people who let absolutely nothing stand in their way and I’m just... wow. I am technically a cusp with this sign and if astrology is true I can thank this sign for my ability to get anything done in my life ever because I guess a bit of that rubbed off on me. none of the seriousness did thought. I’m too pretty.

AQUARIUS: sexiest sign. I am also one myself. in theory Aquarius is the coolest sign to be because we’re fun and funky and weird and also evil. we’re stubborn and uncompromising and we have brilliant ideas. I have to say of all the signs I hate Aquarians the most though. like. my one singular piece of proof for there being any truth in astrology is the fact that I have never, ever gotten on with another Aquarius. if we remain acquaintances, that’s fine. anything closer than than and we will have a disastrous falling out that usually involves revenge campaigns or the law. all of the worst enemies I have are Aquarians, including my own mother. from one Aquarius to another, fuck you.

PISCES: from my experience? they’re just Aquarians I can get along with. all the fun stuff in terms of being creative and down to scheme and kind of crazy and with great ideas of their own, but not of the whole being a twisted fucking cycle path thing. all the Pisces I’ve known have been super creative and a lot of fun, but also just like. nice people. also all the Pisces people I’ve known have had a very bright dress style like is that just something youse do? walk around looking like a highlighter factory exploded on a Gucci runway?

anyway if you don’t like this sorry this is just my personal experience with the exception of Aquarius. you’re just mad because you know I’m right.

#sorry for any typos lmao i have adhd i can talk all day but i Cannot read it back #anon #asks

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tinlizziedlinwa · 3 years

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Developing Sexuality, Discovering Kinks, a Spinal Injury, and Barely Beginning to Explore the Edges of the LGBTQ+ Community

Howdy, y’all. I’m just gonna put this out there - If it’s not for you, just keep on a’scrollin’!

Now, I’ve not really explicitly spoken about my sexuality and how it’s evolved over my almost five decades of life. So, I’m about to start, and believe me, your patience and kindness will be appreciated. If you choose to be a close-minded, conservative, cis-asshole then I strongly suggest you leave right the fuck now. Thank you :-)

If you want to get to know me a little bit more and talk of incontinence and sexuality doesn’t scare you, please continue!

Decade 01: Around four years old, I have my first memories of things related to my as yet totally undeveloped sexuality. No history of physical abuse - Don’t worry about that. It was finding my mother’s menstrual pads. I saw pictures of them in underwear, so I took one and put it into mine. It felt so right and so amazing! I don’t really know how to describe it, but it felt like I needed the whole package of them in my underwear all at once! I got in trouble for using up a package that my mom needed and I didn’t understand why she needed them yet. But I made my first “diaper” out of pads and tighty-whities when I was only four years old. Since I’m gonna be using a lot of numbers, I’m gonna cheat and sacrifice the “proper way” of spelling them out if they’re ten or less.

At 5, I knew I wasn’t built right. I had this thing I peed through that girls didn’t have. Boys had them. But I wasn’t supposed to be a boy! I didn’t like it and hated the feeling of it touching my legs (still do...). I started asking questions about things. Now, my parents are the stereotypical Boomers, “trapped” in a loveless marriage by dependent children and their own sense of “honor.” Dad was a Medical Corpsman who became a Physician’s Assistant (PA) after retiring, while Mom used to be a Wave (nurse) in the Navy, but became a stay-at-home Mom when she started having children. I’ve 2 brothers and 1 sister, the last of them born 10 years before me. So, when I questioned things, Dad’s response was usually to hand me a medical book and tell me to look it up. Mom’s response was usually, “go ask your father.” So, there I was, a 5-year old with a head full of partially-understood terminology (at best!) and a bunch of clinical photography in anatomy and physiology books. At least I learned the purely physical differences between boys and girls and why I was one and not the other. This made me mad. So. Very. Mad. I cried a lot for a while, finding out that I would never become what I feel I was supposed to be. But I kept reading....

When I was 6 years old, I wrote a letter to my parents explaining how I felt about my body and how it made me feel inside and how I wished I could change and be the girl I’m supposed to be and would they be ok with helping me do this some day?

It was not received well. Not well at all. I’ve spent the last 40 years trying to get over their reaction to it and I still hate them for their reactions with a passion. I feel like I was truly shattered, and the glue I’ve had to use over the years to put myself back together has never been the right type and pieces of me keep falling apart.

Entering Decade 02 (10 to 20 years old): Puberty, damn it! None of my “researches” had even hinted at ways to stop it, and my body started changing in ways that made me very uncomfortable, but there was also this attraction I kept feeling towards some people, and I started getting erections. Now, I knew what was happening and yes, it did feel good to play with myself, but it also felt wrong in that I should have someone entering me, not me entering them, so when I masturbated that’s what I dreamed of - being entered and feeling them expand inside me, them giving themselves up in me, losing control and exploding into me and feeling their satisfaction as my own at having been so desirable. Cockwarming them gently back to hardness and having my own way with their body as their hands stroked my breasts and hips.... Eventually I would orgasm in real life, while dreaming my dream.

I have never had a blow-job. Several girlfriends have attempted, but honestly that’s like the fastest way to shut me down. It instantly kills my dream between one heart-beat and the next, causing me to feel absolutely horrible about myself and this carcass I’m trapped in. I should be going down on you, tasting, caressing, nuzzling and lapping up your wetness as I get more and more achy and wet for you.... Sticking my dick in your mouth is absolutely the worst thing that can happen during any attempt at sexy-times for me. I’d rather have diarrhea on a crowded school-bus.

The problem was, I had been emotionally terrorized by my parents (and now I know how they controlled my access to information...) and the area I grew up in was populated by fairly conservative folks, so I had no exposure to other ways of living and had no idea I could express my sexuality in any way other than by being masculine with it. Ergo, I was very much in the closet, hiding my thoughts and feelings as best I knew how, and retreated from situations that might expose my inner workings. Hence, I’m an introvert who overshares o.0 Start unstacking the bricks from my walls and Watch Out! You might get more than you bargained for :-\

Decade 03 (20 to 30 years old): I was just positive I didn’t want kids. Also had no clue what to do with myself, so I landed in Alaska for about a decade. Isolated, small town, conservative folks (a church on every corner, attended at least twice a week). Repressive. No sex for 8 of those 10 years. Met my (now ex-) wife up there. Internet actually got off the ground and we bought a computer, modem, and had an AOL account! This was around 2002′ish or so. Yeah, I watched the twin towers fall on a tv in a bar in Alaska. But while in Fairbanks, I discovered the old Usenet Newsgroups... and that led me straight back into my diaper-fetish which I’d almost forgotten about... omg, seeing those first photos... I can’t describe the feelings that burned in me.

Decade 04 (30 to 40 years old): Left Alaska and moved to western Washington State. Worked as a Medical Assistant for about 5 years, then re-invented myself as a welder when I got a Federal job. Learning a whole new trade wasn’t easy. Shittons of practice later I was good at it and loving my career, until a toolbag fell on my head in 2008. It could have killed me had I been in any other position. As it was, it hit the top of my head while my spine was almost perfectly straight up’n’down, causing a couple of discs in my neck to blow out. One completely ruptured and the other bulged so badly it could never heal and restricted my movement (couldn’t look up or pull my chin in). To this day I still have a smallish “shadow” on my cervical spinal nerve where the disc exploded and a “dent” where the next one down bulged out. The doctors think that’s why I’m incontinent and really struggle to get hard-ons anymore.

Here’s the rub: I’ve hated this body of mine forever. I’m not supposed to get hard-ons in the first place! I’m supposed to have breasts, hips, hair, a flat front and a curvy bottom, and you should be making passes at me, not vice versa!

So, rather than pursue medical (surgical) options to deal with the urinary and occasional fecal incontinence, I choose to wear diapers and give myself regular enemas. This way I can kinda (mostly) control the #2 and keep it from happening in public, while I can let my bladder just run on it’s built-in autopilot (which is really random, btw). Wearing diapers also helps me with tucking! I can pull the dick out, pop the balls up inside where they belong, tuck the dick as far back as I can and put my diaper on tight. Bingo! A flat front! And a bit of a poofy bottom! YES!!

Decade 05 (40 to 47′ish years old): I’m beginning to feel slightly more confident in my sexuality, though I’m still not comfortable actually trying to seek out anyone special... but yeah - I’m an introvert by nature. Probably need to get adopted by someone because I’m not sure I’ll ever really be brave enough to really reach out first.... But now I’m able to afford nice diapers, I’m buying women’s jeans/pants/sweaters/onesies, and I’m feeling so much better about myself when I’m able to dress up. Keeping my chest and legs shaved helps, too. When I look down and see long, course, curly body-hair... ugh. Hair in the armpits and groin is what’s normal. Chest hair? Get it off! Looking at myself in the mirror, I still hate many aspects of my physical self, but when I’m freshly shaved, diapered and wearing women’s jeans and a lovely pink sweatshirt or just lounging around in a cute diaper and huge sweater, I’m much more able to ignore the things I don’t like.

Lately, as I’ve begun exploring my sexuality a little more, I’ve discovered the joys of dildos. Lemmie tell you what, guys. A traditional male orgasm doesn’t hold a candle to what I’ve felt while playing with a good dildo. After a good, thorough clean-out in the shower (I have a shower-attachment with multiple nozzles and use the long black rubber one), I’ve used a dildo that’s got a bit of a bend near the tip - it’s shaped like a real penis, normal size (not humongous), with a bit of a crook near the glans. By holding the balls & suction cup in hand, it can be inserted and moved in-n-out at that perfect angle to stimulate *all* the right spots inside... I can honestly say I’ve peed, cum, and blew that dildo across the room as my knees hit the floor and I forgot my name during the best, most intense, can’t-walk-for-a-minute whole-body orgasms I’ve ever experienced in my life. The area between the anus and scrotum feels so very hot and heavy, like it’s going to burst, it’s not truly painful but almost close? - It’s an amazingly satisfying feeling. I’d love to hear from you girls out there... Are my orgasms anything similar to yours?

Some day, my dream is to meet someone who can understand me, who can feel where I’m coming from, who can love me even when I’m having difficulty loving myself. Someone who is kind to my broken soul, and who’s idea of a hot date may involve a stop at the adult toy store!

Edited on 01OCT2021: I’m not looking for a Mommy or a Domme. I’m an adult with adult responsibilities and concerns. I’m looking for a partner who’s also fairly self-sufficient. I own my own home, work full time, and being an introvert I need lots of alone time. Someone who’s open and accepting of the fact that I’m diapered 24/7/365 and am perfectly capable of changing myself. And she’ll understand that I don’t just wanna get her out of her jeans for sexy-times, but I also wanna try them on.

Edited again on 02OCT2021: As I’ve just begun actually exploring my sexuality, I’m starting to think I seem to fit into the “enby” grouping (even as I don’t like being stuffed into a box, I find myself doing just that, to myself! Damn categories...). I don’t know all the lingo yet and it feels like the terminology is a living thing that is always changing. Even though I’ve always found women to be super attractive, and I also really enjoy wearing women’s clothes and have dreamed of being a woman for decades, every once in a blue moon a guy really turns me on. I’ve got fantasies about going down on her while he enters me, his hands on my hips pulling me in as he gently thrusts, speeding up slowly as I’m getting wetter, he’s sliding in and out of me faster and faster and I’m lapping up her juices, buried in her scent, the orgasm in all of us building until we simultaneously explode. Then, once we all have our breath back, each of us gently diapers one another. The idea of feeling my diaper sticking to my bum as his seed dribbles out of me is really turning me on again right now! Hearing our crinkles as we move, cuddling in a contented pile, patting bottoms all around.

Am I a “bottom?” Is there such a thing as an independent “bottom”? More research is needed!

#tinlizziedl #Info about me #30Sep2021 #personal #Sexuality

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dawnrider · 4 years

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Ummmm.... @inukag-week #Confession

So this is an OLD AF Songfic which my autocorrect appropriately tried to change to dingus. I’m so sorry... Whelps! Good Luck Everyone!

Cupid - Jack Johnson from “On and On”

How many times must we go through this? You’ve always been mine, woman, I thought you knew this. How many times must we go through this? You’ll always be mine. Cupid only misses sometimes. Mmmm mm mmmm mm

“Woman! What the hell was that for?” He was in a deep hole… again. He wasn’t surprised really, just angry. He’d made her angry and, just like usual when he pushed her too far, she used the subduing spell. He generally cursed and grumbled for show since it didn’t hurt physically. Most of the time anyway. But this time was slightly different. His pride was hurt more than usual because of one mangy wolf standing over him, gloating and laughing. Inuyasha had had enough. It was time she learned her role and the flea-bitten wolf learned to stay the hell away from Kagome. “That’s it!” he growled, pulling himself from his crater and prying the ookamiyoukai away from his female companion in one fluid movement. Kagome obviously saw the flare of something dangerous in his eyes because she didn’t protest the manhandling.

Kouga, on the other hand, complained loudly. “Get your hands off my woman, mutt!” Turning to look at the wolf prince, Inuyasha growled lowly, angrier than he thought he had been in a very long time. Something inside him had snapped, and nothing was going to make him back down this time. “Inu-korro,” Kouga snarled, “get your hands off of her!” Inuyasha snarled right back, canines bared and the rumbling growl beginning at his toes and working its way all the way to the tips of his ears. Kagome made a small sound of anxiety next to him, but remained otherwise silent. Inuyasha purred internally that she was deferring to him but remained outwardly angry.

Without saying another word, Inuyasha turned both he and Kagome away, walking in the opposite direction of the wolf. The insult did not go unnoticed. At first Kouga was too shocked by Inuyasha’s blatant dismissal to do much of anything but stand with his jaw hanging slightly open. He’d just been disregarded, treated as a non-threatening male. He didn’t know where to begin with his rant so he stayed silent, watching as the hanyou and miko walked away from him. He heard Kagome ask her protector what was happening and try to look back at the wolf youkai, but Inuyasha kept her attention firmly forward. The hanyou was even making Kagome ignore him! Kouga almost snapped then and there. Hakkaku and Ginta stood to either side of him, equal parts nervous and confused. “Nee-chan?” Ginta asked, his voice faint. He noticed the flinch in his leader and said no more. Obviously Kouga was still reeling.

Kagome was probably as confused as the wolf youkai standing dumbly at their prince’s side, if not more so. Inuyasha had a serious frown on his face and he was gripping her arm gently but with the distinct intent to not let her go. He marched right past Miroku, Sango, Kirara and Shippo, Kagome casting them all a helpless look when Inuyasha didn’t acknowledge them with anything more than a small nod. Apparently he was a hanyou on a mission and he was not about to be deterred, even by their friends. “Inu-Inuyasha?” she stuttered when he had all but dragged her into the sparse woods that the traveling group had just exited when they had run into Kouga and his wolves. “What on earth is going on?”

He wouldn’t look at her for a while, seemingly mulling over something very hard. When he finally did turn to look at her Kagome had to swallow a gasp of surprise. The anger that had been so prominent in his amber eyes before was now replaced by hurt. “Why do you do that?” he asked her after a long silence. The young miko stayed quiet, unsure of what he meant. Inuyasha sighed. “Why do you use the fucking word on me in front of him? Do you really want him to touch you so bad?” Kagome flinched, her upset over hurting Inuyasha turning into anger.

“No, baka! I don’t want you to hurt each other. I can’t subdue Kouga-kun, but I would if I could.” She sighed when he turned away, not believing her. “You just get so worked up and I don’t get why. What makes you think I would want Kouga-kun to… He’s just a friend, our ally.” She wasn’t sure why she felt the need to reassure the hanyou of this but the words had slipped out before she even thought about them. He snorted, telling her exactly what he thought of that. With an angry growl worthy of the inuhanyou in front of her, Kagome reached up and snagged one fluffy white ear, quickly gaining his attention. “I mean that! Why don’t you ever believe me?” she shouted, making the ear not captured in her fingers lay back against his head. He scowled down at her and waited for her to let go of his ear before he spoke.

“You always use the damn spell in front of him and you let him hold your hands and you’re nice to him and… and…” he stumbled off into irate silence, growling more to himself than at Kagome for having let it go on as long as it had. Kagome stood with her hands on her hips, tapping her foot as she waited for him to stop. “What?” he snapped in irritation. One delicate eyebrow went up at his tone, indicating she wasn’t in any better a mood than he was at the moment.

“You sound jealous.” A harsh “keh” was his only answer. Understanding his grunt for a rejection of her words, though an obvious sign that was indeed what he was feeling, Kagome sighed. “You have no right to be jealous at all, Inuyasha,” she stated. His eyes swept to hers and she could see this had hit a nerve, just like she had intended. “You have no reason to be jealous,” she continued. Inuyasha didn’t appear to agree with that either because he grunted, reaching out to grab her arm and pull her deeper into the copse of trees.

The stupid wolf and his small pack had started moving closer while they were talking, so Inuyasha had taken it upon himself to move Kagome farther away and into the shade of the trees. He wasn’t about to have this conversation interrupted. Even if he wasn’t making much of a contribution to it at the moment. “Look Kagome, it’s one thing to be nice to him and something else completely to flirt with him like you do.”

“Flirt! Who’s flirting? I’m being polite, you jerk. Honestly, Inuyasha! I can’t believe you sometimes,” she cried, blatantly shocked by his accusation. She did not like Kouga-kun like Inuyasha was implying and there was no reason for Inuyasha to think so. “I don’t run off to see Kouga-kun, I don’t try to keep you from seeing… anyone else, and I certainly don’t kiss him and make stupid promises!” Kagome’s chest was heaving after her rant and when she realized everything she had said she blushed faintly, lowering her eyes. She couldn’t believe she’d let all that out. Maybe it had just been time or maybe she’d just lost it. Either way, it was out in the open now and there was nothing she could do to take it back.

Stupid promises? Inuyasha wasn’t so dense that he didn’t know what she meant by all of that. Obviously his searches for Kikyo and his supposed promise to go with her to hell had affected Kagome more than she had let on. Part of why he looked for the other miko was to give himself peace of mind but another part of him hoped she was in fact gone so he didn’t have to go through with that believed promise. He hadn’t heard any rumors of Kikyo in so long that he’d almost forgotten that he was looking for her. At first he hadn’t been able to accept her disappearance but now he just needed proof of it so he could move on with his life. If she was dead for real this time, so be it, but if she had moved on, why couldn’t he? “I’m sorry you feel that way,” he finally whispered. Kagome wouldn’t look at him and he didn’t blame her. Why had she stuck around this long? Shaking his head, Inuyasha remembered why he’d dragged her off to talk in the first place. To show Kagome where she belonged. “But none of that matters now. You aren’t going to see the scrawny wolf anymore and… She’s gone.” Her gasp of surprise rung in his ears and her deep brown eyes shot up to lock with his.

She didn’t know whether she should be shocked at his admission, confused by his demand, or angered by his dismissal of her feelings. But somehow she didn’t feel any of these things. Inuyasha had never been good with words and certainly never was one for subtlety, so she couldn’t make herself angry at him. There was obviously something going on here that she didn’t quite understand yet. “What do you mean, Inuyasha?”

“You heard me.”

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean I understood you.” The hanyou rolled his eyes, letting out a sigh. “Will you just tell me what’s going on?”

“I’m telling you that… that you’re not allowed to see Kouga anymore and he can’t touch you either.”

“I heard that the first time. Why is that, Inuyasha?” Kagome’s patience was quickly dwindling and the last thing Inuyasha needed was for her to blow up at him, subdue him again, and walk away. He had to just outright say what he meant or she was going to leave him to spit out leaves and dirt. “I’m going to ask you one last time, Inuyasha… why are you telling me this?”

“Because I’m putting my foot down. From now on… you… I’m the only male who can touch you.” Kagome’s eyes widened before narrowing dangerously. Inuyasha rushed to explain before the painful promise in her eyes was realized by the word threatening to slip from her lips. “I’m declaring my claim as your Mate.” All the color drained from Kagome’s face and Inuyasha gasped as she dropped into his arms in a dead faint. “Kagome!” He held her close, trying to rouse her but not having much luck. She was out cold. “Damn it, Kagome. I finally tell you and you faint on me,” he muttered darkly to her unconscious form.

The stench of wolf assaulted his nose and he found himself growling threateningly before the other youkai even made an appearance. He was defending what was his and the wolf knew it. “Oi, what did you do to Kagome, Mutt? You better not have hurt her!” he barked at Inuyasha, making his way through the trees. “I can tell she’s unconscious, what’d you do?” he shouted just as he came into view. He was flanked on either side by a wolf and Inuyasha could hear the rest of his measly pack standing back near his own friends. They all seemed to know better than to approach them now, why didn’t Kouga?

“Stay out of this, Wolf. This has nothing to do with you,” the inuhanyou snarled at the intruder. He was in no mood to deal with Kouga while trying to explain things to Kagome at the same time. Not that he could explain anything to her when she was passed out in his arms.

“Nothing to do with me? That’s my woman you have your paws all over Mutt-Face!” Kouga shouted as both the wolves at his side snarled slightly, lowering themselves into a battle-ready crouch. “Kagome flattened you for a reason…”

“For the last fucking time, she ain’t your woman! Kagome’s been with me for years. I protect her, I take care of her, I feed her! What do you do, Kouga?” The wolf was slightly thrown off by that. The inuhanyou was right. Inuyasha was her main protector and caretaker, he put his life on the line for her… Kouga could only admit to having done such a thing a handful of times. Inuyasha must have done it at least a hundred in the last few years. But he treated her like shit! Kouga loved her!

“I love Kagome,” the wolf prince stated confidently.

“Do you?” Inuyasha asked with a derisive snort. “What’s her little brother’s name? What’s her favorite food? How long has she had the scar on her left knee and where did she get it?” Inuyasha watched the frown on Kouga's face grow as he tried to think of some kind of answer, answers to questions someone who knew Kagome should probably know. Needless to say he came up blank. “You don’t love her, you hardly know her.” Kouga wanted to argue… but he had nothing to say that would really help his case. Again the ookami youkai was caught off guard by the depth of the inuhanyou’s observation.

In an attempt to save his pride, he attacked the mutt where he could. “She’s kind and beautiful. What more do I need to know? At least I care about her. There’s no other woman in my life,” Kouga shot back. Both men shared a look. Kouga realized his inadvertent lie immediately after Inuyasha gave him a mild glare. Ayame was still following him around, declaring to anyone that would listen that they were to be mated as soon as he would settle down. “It was love at first sight,” he tried again, his own voice sounding lame in his ears. Both of them knew he was running out of steam and the next logical route was to fight it out like usual. But with Kagome out, neither one wanted to risk hurting her.

“Look Kouga, lay off. You know I’ve had my claim on her since before you met us. You’ve been ignoring it for years and the only reason I let it go on this long was this damn collar,” he growled, yanking on said kotodama beads, “and the fact that you are a friend. Kagome’s always trying to tell me that you’re worth keeping around. I thought it was because she liked you,” the wolf’s eyes brightened at the thought, “but she told me we need to stay on your good side to keep you as an ally. You’re a good fighter, I admit that. So either we settle this, you back off of Kagome and we stay allies, or we fight it out right now. Kagome’s out cold so she can’t use the fucking word on me and for once… I won’t hold back.” Kouga growled at the implication that Inuyasha had ever been holding back in one of their fights. He’d thought he was beating the hanyou because he was stronger, because he was a full youkai… “I ain’t afraid to kill you if I have to, wolf,” Inuyasha snarled, tucking Kagome tightly against his chest and cracking the knuckles of one hand menacingly.

“You really do mean to claim her, don’t you?” Kouga asked incredulously. Inuyasha stood a little straighter before giving his rival a decisive nod. The wolf prince was both surprised and angry. Yes, Inuyasha had had a scent claim on the young miko for years but Kouga had ignored it because he was just a hanyou. There was no way he couldn’t defeat him when the time came and take Kagome as his own. Now he had fought the silver-haired dog on several occasions and he knew that his strength rivaled his own. If Inuyasha had been holding back… “Has she agreed?” he asked in a softer voice, turning his bright blue eyes away from the hard gold ones of the man who held the woman he thought he loved.

Inuyasha seemed to falter a little. “I haven’t explained everything to her yet. She's human, she doesn’t know what it means, or how it happens.” The hanyou fought down a blush at his own statement. That wasn’t something he was quite ready to discuss with Kagome yet. They weren’t at a place in their relationship that he could tell her about the forevers and the eternities. She didn’t know how he felt, he wasn’t sure how she felt… There was a lot for them to discuss before he was ready to ask her to be his completely and to offer himself to her in the same manner.

The two stood facing one another for a long time in silence. Eventually Kouga nodded and turned his back to the inuhanyou. “You had better take care of her.”

“What have I been doing all this time?”

“You know what I mean. Don’t break her heart anymore, Mutt-face.” Inuyasha didn’t show his shock or his guilt at the wolf’s words. He knew Kagome had been hurt in the past - he was no stranger to her tears - but hearing it from someone who didn’t really know Kagome all that well made it that much more painful to hear.

“I won’t.” It was a solid promise and the wolf nodded as he finally started walking away. A ragged breath left the hanyou, mirroring the similar one released by the woman held in his arms. Inuyasha waited for Kouga to walk out of hearing range before he said anything. “It’s rude to pretend like that, Kagome,” he admonished her saltily. “Poor Kouga thought you were out the whole time.”

“You aren’t really upset about that. You’re just mad I heard you talking all soft,” she murmured as he slowly released her to stand on her own feet. The young miko’s arms stayed wrapped around his waist and Inuyasha’s eyes widened a little in alarm. “Why couldn’t you just ask like a normal guy?”

“Am I normal?” he asked with a little quirk of his lips. Kagome laughed softly and shook her head in amusement. “Kagome I…” Said young woman smiled shyly up at her hanyou and raised a gentle hand to his mouth. With a shake of her head he knew he didn’t have to say anything. At least not right now.

But we could end up brokenhearted If we don’t remember why all this started And if they try to tell you love fades with time Tell them there’s no such thing as time.

The group was kind enough not to say anything about Inuyasha and Kagome’s trip into the woods, simply taking it in stride and returning to the road once they were all sure the wolves were long gone. They had a lot of ground to cover before dark and not a whole lot of time left. The new moon was in a few days, and with Kaede’s village still a long ways off they needed to make good time. Kagome was always the biggest advocate for the decision to head home for the new moon each month with Sango and Shippo on her side. Inuyasha often complained that it was just so she could escape off to her own time but they all knew it was mostly to make sure he had somewhere safe to hide during his “night of weakness.” The two argued and bickered over it but in the end Kagome always won and they headed back to Musashi’s domain, Inuyasha’s forest and the Bone Eater’s well. Miroku was usually the one to point out the practicality of the journey since it allowed for them all to take a good night’s rest from traveling for nearly a month straight, Kagome could go home to see her family and Inuyasha was given the opportunity to wait out the new moon in relative safety.

The hanyou never wanted to acknowledge it but it made it easier to tolerate that night if they did return home since it meant Kagome was safely tucked away in her time and he didn’t have to worry as much about not being able to protect her. The hanyou glanced at his female companion and wasn’t surprised to find her watching him out of the corner of her eye. She seemed… slightly nervous around him since their talk a few hours ago. It wasn’t the kind of nervous where she jumped at his every movement or wouldn’t look at him. It was a much more interesting kind of jittery, shy, behavior where Kagome often blushed for no apparent reason. The healthy shine it gave to her cheeks made him smile internally and he found himself walking closer to her in hopes of creating that little blush more often.

It's our time. It’s our time. It’s our time. It’s our time.

@lemonlushff, @clearwillow, @thunderpo, @superpixie42 Since I know y’all will laugh with me instead of at me.

#Dawnrider Fanfiction #From when Songfics were cool #Inukag-week #Confession #I'm so sorry

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parasympathic · 3 years

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ൠ - random headcanon

If the kitchen is the heart of a household, Monty wonders sometimes what the one in Endine’s Headquarters says about any of them. There’s a memory that rests against the bottom cupboards, his back pressed against the wood and Athena resting against his shoulders, a bottle half finished between them and talking about dreams that feel just a little too far out of reach. He aches to think about it now, because he thinks he’s getting everything he wanted and she’s gotten none of it. And he doesn’t know what to thank or what to blame for that, if it’s the product of all of those quietly held ambitions or an absence of hers, or maybe he just got lucky, but it leaves him faintly guilty for it.

He finds too many shelves bare when he returns from Italy, so the second day back sees him in the kitchen with bags of groceries on the counter, restocking boxes of cereal that they always seem to burn through fastest when there are so many children under their roof. Enough of their pictures pinned to the refrigerator with alphabet magnets, crayon drawing of the building he stands in, stick drawings of friends or family, of mythical creatures that several of them can craft just out of will and illusion. It’s the same kind of magic that he’s sure makes Osun and Frankie such a popular subject, but he’s sure their personalities have just as much to do with it, because the picture he can find of himself, he’s a tall, stiff figure next to Athena.

It’s there that two of the younger kids find him, still putting away milk and eggs on the middle shelf. Selina isn’t quite a teenager yet, still a few months away, and the little brother who trails at her heels is behind her by a few years and more than a foot of height. It’s still for his sake that she asks Monty to hold out a wrist. The bracelet is gray and blue and black, colors twined together and framing the tacky white beads that spell out his name. It still makes Monty smile warmly, trying to catch the wide and hopeful gaze of the boy hiding just behind her. A familiar shyness that he’s been slow to step past the bounds of. He’s a telekinetic and she’s a telepath, both of their parents dead, and Endine HQ is the most stable home they’ve had since.

“He wanted to give it to you before you left, but...” She shrugs, and he can fill the rest in for himself; he came over later and left earlier than he has in years past.

“Thank you, Kyle,” he says. “I love it.” A smile to match the wealth of gratitude in his voice, and he holds his hand out to shake in a mockery of formality, something more playful to skim past how much he can relate to the discomfort of having someone touch him without permission. But it surprises him when he pushes forward to hug one of his legs instead.

It leaves Monty hesitating for a brief moment before his hand settles on the top of his head, smiling at the words even if it’s his fault they’re a week delayed. “Merry Christmas Dr. Monty.”

Often enough the kitchen smells like coffee, even if he thinks it’s rarely the kind that Emil would approve of. The steady drip of it filling a pot that might help keep him going through all the work he still has to get through, up too late and here too early, half the morning already spent in his office trying to sort out where Sentinels would be best placed when he isn’t sure exactly what the Institute’s next move is. Only that a single threat seems enough of a reason to ask Dietrich for a favor when he comes down for breakfast. Stealing a familiar seat next to him before asking if he wouldn’t mind spending a little more time at the Voodoo on its busier nights. It isn’t anything official because it can’t be, not without overstepping in two directions.

But at some point he gave Monty his loyalty and sometime he wonders if he’s walking a familiar line between utilizing and using him for that. It still gives him pause when there’s only a single detail he clarifies, still looking down at his cereal and his face a familiar, unreadable mask that some days he still struggles to see past. “That’s where Emil Pavone works, right?”

If it cuts right to the heart of it, he doesn’t feel the intrusive press of someone else’s thoughts so he doesn’t really know what to make of it. “Yes?”

He nods his head, but whatever mystery that solves for him, he doesn’t share, and Monty feels a sinking in his stomach. “So mostly weekends?”

“Yes,” Monty tells him. “Thank you.” And there’s little that follows, but it’s only after he takes his coffee and walks away that he feels the warm flush spreading through his frame, the kind he imagines would absolutely thrill Emil. Feeling his skin turning red from his ears down, and for a moment all he can feel is mortified, remembering a library in Valerian’s Headquarters and he drinks his coffee a little more quickly like it’s ever served him at all in erasing embarrassment.

Another week finds him in a similar position if not a different hour of the day, a game promised to Dev that’s slipped through the cracks, and she’s been quick to remind him of. Aware how quickly she can turn petty when she feels like she’s being ignored, but he doesn’t think that’s what follows the words she drops while she waits at the kitchen counter with him. “You don’t sleep here anymore,” she says, and Monty imagines it’s just as much to fill the silence when patience has never been one of her virtues. He leans his lower back against the counter, lifting a brow at her and waiting for anything else to follow, but it never does.

They’re words he honestly expected long before now, a shift in habits that he was sure didn’t go unnoticed. And he knows there’s a question in there somewhere, but he doesn’t volunteer the answer, and that shouldn’t be surprising to any of them by now. “No, I don’t.”

Her lips press together into a thin line, some measure of frustration looking back at him that he would find funnier if he weren’t always wary about anyone getting too close to something personal. And there is little that’s more personal than where he’s been sleeping and who he’s been sleeping with, but if that’s the question she’s trying to circle around to, it’s not the one she finally gives. “With the timing, I thought it might be because of... you know...”

It doesn’t surprise him that she doesn’t find it easy to say. It surprises him more than he does. “The Institute?”

“Yes, that.” There is a noticeable tension the second the word is out in the open, and he can’t blame her for it, but he does regret the discomfort it causes her. It’s a strange sort of guilt, all of Emil’s reminders that there are people around him who would understand suddenly left front and center in his thoughts. And if he still feels certain it wouldn’t help him any to keep talking through it, he wonders if it wouldn’t have helped her or her brother. “You know Dom thinks it’s about him? That we’re too much for you to deal with on top of everything else. I think you’re just off playing the stoic hero.” She pauses briefly, looking down at the counter. “I had... dreams. After. Is that what’s happening to you?”

For a moment he feels colder, he feels worse, because she’s worried, and if she’s not entirely wrong, she’s far from right. He had those dreams, he had those moments where he woke up and couldn’t remember where he was, but he doesn’t think he’s had any since he told Emil he forgave him. Either way he doesn’t want to admit any of it, but he wants to leave her alone in this even less. “I had a few,” he admits after a long moment before clarifying what he thinks is more important. “But that’s not why. And it’s not any of you either. What did you dream about?”

She rolls her eyes, breath escaping in a small huff. “I was asking about you, Monty.”

“And I was asking about you.” He offers a tight smile before the coffee goes off, and if there is more he could offer, that’s the only thing that he does. A warm cup that he presses into her hands before following her out of the room with an easy dismissal of her concerns. “Thank you. But you don’t need to.” And if he stops short of saying I’m fine, he thinks right now, he is.

A few nights later leaves him and Dom at the island counter, the younger man looking a familiar mixture of stubborn and penitent, pained and frustrated, wincing against the cold compress Monty presses against his face and taking refuge in the open carton of ice cream in front of him. “You said you would stop,” he chastises. His voice not quite as gentle as he’d like it to be when his own frustration is too close to the surface, pulling him away from a quiet and comfortable evening at home and back out to the Pit to pick up the child who swore he’d stop going.

“I know, I just-” He frowns down at his ice cream like it might have answers for him, and Monty isn’t sure if he’s grateful or annoyed that he eventually skips over familiar excuses. “Are you going to tell Athena?”

“I don’t know,” Monty tells him honestly. And maybe he should, maybe it was what he should have done the first time, but he softens slightly at the hope that looks up at him, a violence he knows better than anyone is born from something lost, something helpless. “Not tonight.” A sigh escapes him afterwards, gaze skimming over Dom and all of his fresh bruises before it skates past him to the fridge where children’s pictures hang, his coffee maker sitting on the counter. The half empty bottle that’s been stashed away higher out of reach and thinking briefly that they’re running low on cereal again before his attention returns to the man in front of him. And if he still can’t tell what their kitchen says about the heart of Endine, he hopes it’s some version of family.

#answered;#asks;#hc;

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harleenfleck · 4 years

Text

Don’t forget me (Part. 3)

Arthur Fleck/Joker x Reader fic

Summary: After what happened in his apartment, and even though Arthur asked you not to, you watched that night the Murray Franklin’s Show, after that night, you didn't see Arthur again in a long time, and all that time you felt melancholy and lonely, until one day, a little surprise comes to you.

Warnings: Angst, comfort, sad thoughts and fluff

Words: 5.3k

Part one here <3, Part two here <3

A/N: Hello guys, first of all I KNOW, I know that I said that part 3 was going to be the last part of this story and that it was actually going to have NSFW content, BUT my two brain cells said “Do it more parts, MORE PAAAAARTS” and my heart said “Listen that two little bastards” and well, I’ll write a 4th part f this fic cause my heart and my two brain cells said it :$ Well, this story gonna have 4 parts, and the 4 part gonna have finally NSFW omg i’m so excited about that AHHH. Well, to finish this A/N I’m sorry if I make some grammatical, spelling or writing mistakes, English is not my native language. Enjoy this third part! :3 I hope you like it!

...

“Please, don’t forget me”

“Never, my love”

The last words you’d shared with him. You remembered how fast you run in the worn wooden stairs. How you got out of that old building. So many things happened, a walk with your enemy, you witnessed of a murder, you see your best friend convert into a monster, and almost the same time, your lover.

He asked you for one thing, and you decided not do it. Remember when you came to your apartment, recharged your back against the wood, dropped to the ground and started crying in absolute silence. You passed your hand over your face, just to remember his touch. The images passed in your eyes so quickly, images of him, his face, his mouth, his green eyes. You passed almost three hours crying, so many emotions in your body, you feared your body couldn’t hold all feelings.

You remembered when after that hours you tried to calm yourself, you were on it when the phone suddenly rang. You got up off the ground and ran to this one, waiting for your Arthur to be on the other side of the line. But for your disappointment, was Gary. He, ignorant of absolutely everything that happened, asked for Arthur, for Randall and his condolences had been sent to Arthur. What could you tell Gary? That Arthur had lost his mind? that Randall was dead? You decided to protect Arthur, protect him even if his act was horrible. You said to Gary some lies, like Randall never went to the subway station, you go alone and you and Arthur talked about a lot of things. Gary said something like "I told you Y/N" and kept talking. When the talk was over, you hung up nervously.

Looked the at clock, 15 minutes before the Murray Show. Nervous and eager to watch the show, you tentatively approached your couch and turned on the TV, turned on the channel and waited anxiously. Before Murray's show there were some news, you saw about some clown protests, you couldn't believe that all this had been caused by Arthur. The news was over, Ellis Drane and his orchestra drums were played, the show started. You watched the show without interest in Murray and the others guest, you just waited until Arthur's turn came. And when he appears, you felted so happy for him, despites he appears with a new name: Joker. When you saw him, you felt so much joy, coming out of those curtains dancing, spinning, greeted the presenters, but you not really like the joke that Arthur kissed Dr. Sally. You really jealous of an old lady? Maybe.

The show went smoothly, you waited why Arthur didn't want you to watch the show. Nothing bad seemed to happen, more than Murray's mocked of Arthur with the others guests. Was it serious? Did they make fun of Arthur even on that show? You could feel the anger in your stomach. But surrender, you heard Arthur's black humor joke, which worried you, why Arthur would make jokes like that? He was scolded by Dr. Sally and Murray but he don't care about they words, and then, what you didn't expect happened: Arthur confessed his crime.

It was a huge moment of tension, from how all the joy of the show changed abruptly to a more serious and darker tone. Why would Arthur do that? Why would he confess he killed that three rich of the subway to everyone? You couldn't believe it. And that wasn't the worst. Arthur said things that had sense to you because he told you every horrible thing he lived before. Maybe no one would understand because Arthur said they were all awful, only you could understand it.

The tension between Arthur and Murray was rising, you feared that Arthur would lose control again, you tried to call the show while still watching TV, but (obviously) your call was not answered. You went back to the couch, without expecting it to happen, which could happen, and then...

Arthur pulled out that cursed gun and pointed Murray's head.

"ARTHUR NO!"

Shot.

The symphony of terror was heard, screaming from people, a one of the guests hugging a hysterical Dr. Sally, Murray's bloodied body, and Arthur dancing, then he come to the camera and saying the words:

“Goodnight, and always remember, that’s li-“

You closed your eyes, you started crying one more time. You knew Arthur had asked you, and you should have listened to him. Your heart broke again, your body trembled once more. Arthur had hurt you again.

“Y/N? Y/N? Earth to Y/N, are you in?”

You blinked; you were watching the TV of your new job. It was the news, announcing the anniversary of that terrible event.

“Yeah, sorry, I distracted a little”

“Y/N, you’re been rare those weeks, are you okay?”

“Yes, sorry Celeste, I’m gonna… Clean that”

A year passed from that event, in that year, things had changed too much. You lost your job at Ha-ha's, result that was the place where the terrible criminal Joker had come from, all the clowns in there lost their job. Hoyt was turned a rage, he was understandable, he had lost his business. Some clowns got a job at other agencies, others simply stopped being a clown and preferred to dedicate themselves to something else. You and Gary were from that second group of people. Gary decided to go back to his native Vermont, however, being a good friend to you, he managed to get you a job with some old friends. Now you worked in a small but charming cake shop.

"Celeste, Y/N, hello ladies. I'm back with the sugar and butter” Peter, another coworker from the shop, entered to the place "Well Peter! You'd better help me! Orders are delayed!" Celeste was a very kind woman, but she quickly lost the patience, Peter, who was a little older than you, just laughed and carried things. "What's the matter Y/N? Are you sad again?"

“No, I’m just… Just watching the news again”

“The news again? Y/N, watch a lot of news not good for your mental health, why don’t put the music channel or something kindlier?”

“… I can’t do that” Slowly, you turned your head to the TV again. The news said a lot of terrible crimes after that event. Most of these crimes were attributed to a single criminal: The Joker. After Murray was killed, Joker was arrested, but in the course of jail the patrol was intercepted by more clowns and Joker was free. And so, he began a terrible reign of crimes all over Gotham for a long time.

"Now, this dangerous man still free of the justice, it’s considerate a lunatic criminal, many criminalities that our poor city has suffered have been under his hand. The police can't find where this guy is hiding, who is now known as "The Clown Prince of Crime" and t-"

The Tv turned black “Peter!” You yelled.

“Sorry little princess, but this is for you, I don’t want you get sick for this. I know you get nervous of that clown, honestly, I get nervous too, but you have to continue your life, that clown not gonna go for you specifically, just the people with bad luck drop to his Clown Clan. Don’t worry Y/N, you’ll be okay”

“Peter! The sugar and butter!” Celeste screamed from the kitchen.

“Sorry Celeste! I’m coming!” Peter run to the kitchen and you still cleaned the counter. Maybe Peter was right, you shouldn’t get worry for Joker, but you don’t really get worried, you got sad, sad for Joker, because you know under the makeup and the costume, Arthur are there. You were hoping Arthur would be there. A year passed and maybe Arthur was right, maybe you’d never see him again, like he said to you.

You knew he was doing bad things, all the damage they caused him was returning ferociously, he was no longer a weak person that people could mock, he was someone that people should be afraid of, and poor of the one who scoffed him, because that someone would give it to you would end up their corpse in a Gotham blackwater canal. Just imagining Arthur dressed as a clown, like that last time you saw him, killing someone mercilessly and cruelly.

And for some reason, it didn't cause you conflict, you didn't fall into the reality of the danger he had become, you knew it wasn't your Arthur anymore, but you still loved him. Despite that horrible things he does it, you still in love with him. Of course, in that year, some boys and man tried something with you, including Peter, who wasn't giving up yet, but none of those boys were Arthur. None of them were him. And despite all the time, you still felted the butterflies in your stomach when you thought in him, you cheeks get blushed when you remembered you two almost made the love in that old bed, your lip trembled when the memory of your first kiss with him touched your soul again. Memories stalked you as if they were a ghost in your room in the dark, but a ghost you weren't afraid about.

You put your head in the counter and got a big breath, what you can do in that moment about Arthur? What can you do with your feelings? What can you do with that love that wasn’t for anyone, that love was just for him? “I’m really fucked up” you whispered to yourself.

The days after you did your work routine. You'd come to the cakeshop, make coffee for your companions and to sell too, help Celeste decorate some cakes, while Peter made other cakes and desserts. When the cakes to sell were ready, you put them in some refrigerators and you were going to serve the customers at the counter. One particular day, you were alone at the counter while Celeste was screaming at Peter for not making gingerbread man biscuits, the winter times were coming. You wanted to turn on the TV, but you knew you'd only put the news to see if there was anything new with Joker. You had to control yourself, while secretly eating a slice of cake that Peter had given you along with a rose. He was someone very meticulous, willing to win your heart, even you had kindly mentioned to him on previous occasions that you weren't interested in being someone's girlfriend. Well, only one person, but it was definitely out of your reach.

The bell above the front door rang. You saved the cake quickly, you didn't want Celeste to yell at you, even though she never done it before. But wasn't a customer, was a delivery man. “It’s the lady Y/N working here?”

“Yes, I am”

“Well, this is for you” You poked your head out of the corner just to find with a huge bouquet of …

“Lilies? That’s are a Lilies?! I love the lilies!” You went straight to the delivery man and took the bouquet with your hands. You are blushed again. At this point, Celeste realized what was going on and ran away, excited that you had received flowers. Peter only watched the scene from afar. You thanked the delivery man and he just left.

“Oh! Y/N! Look at you! What a beautiful bouquet! And your smile! Wait, I have here my camera! Wait Y/N!” Celeste runs for her camera. You still watching your flowers, your eyes were full of charm. Celeste returned and took you a lot of pictures, asking you to pose near the cakes and desserts.

“Take it! All for you Y/N! Oh my god, I hope that boy who sent you these flowers has won your heart” Celeste gave you all the polaroid, a burning smell made her remember that she had left a couple of cupcakes in the cooker and ran into the kitchen. You and Peter were alone.

"Well, this is a beautiful detail, lilies have always been my favorites"

"So, my little princess, that mean I have a rival and he’d basically beaten me this time?"

“Rival? Wait, wasn’t you?”

“No. I’m a man of roses, I never thought in lilies. Well, I hope that riv-“ Celeste claim help of Peter, he had no choice but to follow his boss's orders. When Peter left the place you wondered to yourself, Peter wasn't the one who sent you those flowers? Even if it had some logic, since you never told him that lilies were your favorite flowers. You tried to remember the boys and men who tried to conquer you, and none of them you had mentioned that lilies were your favorite flowers. Then you remembered the only man you told that little piece of you.

That’s Impossible. You thought, because that’s true, that's impossible. He’s now a criminal, a bad man, even some press said he was a terrorist. And all that they said about him was on your knowledge, because you witnessed one of his first crimes. Of course, he wouldn't have time to do something like that, you even thought maybe he'd consider that cheesy. Actually, you thought he had already forgotten you.

You looked at your flowers, you went for a little vase that only accumulated dust, washed it and put water in it, so your flowers could hold out a little longer before taking to home. You looked in for a note that indicated who would have been the secret admirer, but there were no clues. Knowing you wouldn't have your answer, you back to work.

That night, you left a little late for work, said goodbye to Celeste and Peter, and walked to your house, the job was closer to your house, you didn't have to run like on previous occasions when you worked at Ha-ha's. However, you turned a corner where street lighting failed, looking very scary. You walked a little further, looking everywhere, making sure no one came near you. You hated having to go down that street. Fortunately, nothing bad happened that time.

You arrived safely home, you put your beautiful lilies in a vase. You had that silly smile on your face. No Y/N, it can't be him. You thought for yourself. He's now busy in... Another kind of thing. I don't think he remember you. Those words, no matter than they sounded, were full of reason. But you gave yourself the little luxury of thinking in him, imagining that he actually sent you those flowers and that he would soon come back to you. Just imagine, but no more illusions.

The next day, you did the same thing every day, but there was a special glow this time in you. Celeste, your boss, noticed. "My God Y/N, you look so radiant and so happy, I'd love to meet your lovely prince to congratulate him," she said excitedly as she put some chocolate cookies and gingerbread man cookies in a basket, you just laughed. When Celeste came back to the kitchen, Peter came up to you.

"I'd also like to meet that charming prince who has you delighted. Looks like he wants to make your days sweeter."

Laughing, you went to the cookie basket and took one of the gingerbread man cookies in your hands, smiling foolishly.

“Well, I don’t think he’s a prince charming, Actually, I don’t like the concept of prince charming”

“No? And what you like?”

You watched TV at the time, one more news of Joker, just in that moment, a picture of him came out on screen, with that wicked but charming smile.

“Another kind of prince" You bit the cookie along with a smile.

…

You didn't even know if it was him, but as the days went on, the delivery man with more lilies returned to you, Celeste became exaggeratedly happy and Peter gradually realized that he was not going to achieve his goal of you falling in love with him. Of course, he wouldn't, he even stopped calling you “Little princess" like he once in a while, and being honestly, you hated how he dubbed you that way. Things were going well in your life, for the first time in a long time, but soon, everything would take an unexpected turn for you.

One night, coming home with another bouquet of lilies in your hands, you'd come out of the elevator to head to your apartment, only to find another surprise at your doorstep: Another bouquet of flowers, but they were not lilies or roses, it was a Bouquet of artificial flowers that came out of a magic wand. And you knew that magic wand perfectly. You took it with your free hand, in this bouquet if there was a note, and there was only one letter: J. Your senses trembled with that note. Immediately you entered the apartment, however, there was nobody.

You were impressed, would it be him? Would he come back for you? You didn't know, and it would be best if he got out of hiding once and for all. You were getting too excited about his return. Or maybe he wanted to let you know he was okay. But your heart inflated like a balloon again, and you were floating in love. You did your nighttime bedtime routine before you went to sleep, but instead of wearing your usual pajamas, you wore a short nightgown in a silk robe, something inside you said you had to wear it. You sat in your bed, waiting for that "something" that had to happen, but while you waited, you fell asleep soundly.

Knock knock

“Huh?” You heard someone knocking, quickly you get out of the bed, stumbling, because the knocked of the door sounds more and more louder. “Coming!” You yelled and before to open the door you looked at the clock, who would be knocking on your door at 1 A.M.? Without looking through the peephole, you opened the door, and you could swear that your heart stopped for a few seconds.

“Hello Y/N”

“…A-Arthur?”

He was there, in your door, with his green hair, that elegant clown suit, that clown makeup, breathing deeply, and with his pretty smile. Arthur was there, converted in Joker.

“It’s been a very long time, don’t you think?”

You didn't know what to answer, because again you speechless. You just opened the door more, implying he could get into your apartment, and so he did. You closed the door slowly, not knowing what to do say. Arthur was back in your life, your suspicions (or rather desires) would come true, and you didn't know how to react. You must have been angry about leaving you and becoming a dangerous criminal? Or smile at him, thank him for coming back and giving him a warm welcome?

“Oh, I see you received all my little gifts, your house looks so adorable with that lilies, you like it Y/N?” Arthur said when he was seeing all the bouquets you received in every little place of your apartment. He noticed you don’t say nothing and he worried, no longer smiling. Without words to said, you looked at his face, you felted like in one of that dreams you had when you miss him.

“W-what are you doing here?” You asked something frightened, fearing that all of that was really a dream. But it wasn't, Arthur was just next to you, or how he called himself now, Joker. He was a little skeptical of your question, doubting if he should answer it or not, because he did not know how to explain his sudden appearance.

“Oh… Well… It’s… It’s complicated to explain” He giggled nervously, and you don’t understand why “I… Just want to see you, but also, I got in a trouble too…”

“Wait, what?” shaking your head, you suddenly get confused “What you want to say, you’re in danger?”

“No exactly that, if were like danger, I would have looked for another hiding place. I just… Running of the police…”

“Oh…” You felt a little confused. Your mind thought of something that immediately hurt your feelings, He only come back to you just to hide? For a moment you believed he was actually there for you. You were always trying to see the good side of things, but this time it was impossible. Your sad face was evident instantly, but you separate yourself from him and turned your back on him before he could notice your disenchantment “I-I think you can stay here, while the cops, well, you know, stop looking you or something” You hated yourself because in this time you couldn’t hiding your emotions, your broke voice ratted you and he perceived it.

“Y/N, are you okay?” Arthur asked when he walked to you, put himself in front you, so, he could see how you tried to hiding your face to him. “Y/N? What happens baby?”

“Everything… Everything happened Arthur… It’s just… Strange to me this”

“Strange? Why you say that?”

“Because… I don’t know… I-I just to think you won’t back again after you converted in Joker… I mean, I always heard about you in the news for all crimes you committed, and I really thought you don’t remember me, but you’re… you’re here again and… Oh, what the hell I’m talking? I’m sorry, this is stupid” You felt silly, more when the tears started to fall on your cheeks. You tried to step aside, but Arthur stopped you

“Hey Y/N, come here” He immediately hug you, and you couldn’t hold it, you broke in tears in his chest while he caressed your head and neck. You could feel his body against yours, you could feel his arms start to surround you, you could even hear his heart beating. It was real, so real. Definitely that wasn’t a dream. “I know, I know I was so away from you, I know I did some bad things, a lot of horrible things. I didn't want you to be related to me, both police and some enemies I've got” While the tears run out of your eyes, you still hugged him tighter.

He whispered in your ear “You want to hear a secret?" You nodded and Arthur took your cheeks "There was no day I didn't stop thinking about you. I missed you Y/N; you can’t imagine how much I missed you. I just wanted to protect you, that’s all, protect you..." Suddenly his voice weakened in the last word and his eyes stopped staring at you. Now it was your turn to worry about him.

“Arthur?”

“I said I wanted to protect you, but… Always want to protect you I hurt you, in some way I did it… Fuck…” You felted his body shaking while he put his face in your shoulder “I’m so sorry Y/N…”

“Arthur… You… Don’t be sorry, please… It’s okay, I swear it’s okay” You can’t stop to hug the each one, slowly, you smelled the scent of his hair, was the same scent you knew perfectly “You know what? I missed you too, God, you don’t have idea…”

“Long year, right?” You two shared a laugh. You took his hands and looked him in the eye, acting like a girl really in love with her boyfriend, because that's what you were, a girl in love with her boy. You led him to the couch and both sat down, you two had so many things to say to each other.

“What did you do this time for the cops to be looking for you?"

“Eh, nothing special, I just wanted to do something little, nothing that could hurt anyone”

“But what you did it?”

“I wanted to rob a jewelry store” Blinked, you laugh a little. He seconded the laugh.

“Why you want to steal a jewelry store?”

“Well, the other day I looked a pretty necklace, I swear it, that necklace was white with a little gem that looked like a drop, I observed it and I think of you. I said “This is for Y/N”, obviously I want more for you, but this one was special, this necklace was for you. I wanted to took it for our reunion. I was planned all, but the cops ruined all my plans”

"What were your plans Arthur?" You asked full of curiosity, you wanted to know how was the mysterious plan of Arthur to come back to you.

"Oh... Well, I wanted to do something that surprised you. It wasn't easy to find you after Ha-ha's closed, I looked for you in everywhere place of all Gotham, and after a lot I found you. I wanted to go into that cake shop where you work, ask you maybe a couple of desserts to taste them later, give you that beautiful necklace that I'm sure will look beautiful on your neck and take you with me"

“W-What?”

“You heard it. I want you; I want you with me, I only thought in you this year. I decided you'd come with me, but I didn't want to put you at risk, that’s why I take my time, but everything isn't ready yet, I still can't take you with me. I have to fix a couple more things to make you completely safe."

Arthur said it with great emotion, because it was what he had waited for so long, he wanted to take you to his place, protect you in his own way from Gotham's adversity, he knew better than anyone how cruel and terrible crime could become in the city and did not want you to be part of those figures that the press used to

“Oh…” However, despite how excited Arthur looked, how enthusiastic he was to tell you all his plans, for some reason you saw the pessimistic side of things. It was something you've been used to since Arthur let the darkest part of his being come out. With much fear and tears threatening to come out of your eyes again, you asked him a question “Are you saying you would let me again?”

Confused, Arthur looked at you and realized what you meant “No, no, definitely no Y/N” He hugged you again, putted his hands in your back and caressed “I promise you I’ll back, I swear”

“I don’t want you to leave again, please don’t leave me” The drops stained the red fabric of his blazer "You have no idea how many times I've dreamed of you, believing you were by my side when you really you are not there. Please, stay here, stay here" You had to repeat that twice because it was what your soul asked, to stay with you again “I don't fucking care if you're someone dangerous now, if you're someone everyone should be afraid of, just stay here please… Stay here."

Hearing you cry and begging broke Arthur's heart, he felt guilty of leaving you alone for so long. You were the only person who could calm that dark part of himself, you were the only one who could serene Joker.

"Listen…" He stopped hugging you to take your cheeks, he made you see his face "Of course I won't leave you alone Y/N, you're the best girl I've ever met, you're the only person who really loved me, if I got a choice to spend my whole life by your side, I would do it without thinking about it. You're my one and only one, I don’t wanna miss you again…"

“Arthur…” His name trembled on your lips. That name haunted you for a long time.

"I love you so much Y/N, and I want to protect you, let me take care of some matters, some things that... What do I have to do, work to do, then I'll come for you and we'll be together, okay?"

“… Okay”

Caressed your face with his hand, Arthur calms you with his touch.

"I'll be with you tonight. And before you know it, we'll be back together, what do you say?"

"I could wait for you for a year, I can wait for you for my whole life"

At that moment, you noticed that Arthur took off his blazer along with his yellow vest. You were frozen for a moment, until he spoke.

"You must be tired, I interrupted your dream, come here" Arthur wrapped you back in his arms, as he recharged his back on the back of the sofa. You lay on his chest, feeling his warm, and hearing his heart beats. "Let's sleep together tonight"

"Yes, you have to stay tonight, I don't want the police to catch you and this time ruin our real plans".

He laughed at your comment, but despite the enormous confidence he had gained at that time, you could feel beneath you his anxiety in his leg, which he kept moving. For a moment, you thought you two were going to return what you had left pending in his old apartment, but Arthur was just hugging you, stroking your hair and your face. Maybe he wasn't ready to take that step with you yet, maybe he thought doing it with him at a time like that would be a bit rushed. Maybe he wanted to keep that special moment between you two when you were finally together safely. And you realized he hadn't even kissed you on your lips, but you knew deep in your heart that he still loved you.

Your eyelids become heavy, and you fell into a deep sleep. Arthur was just looking at you as you rested in his arms. He really loved you, he wanted you to be just his and for him. And he hated having to keep waiting. But he knew everything in the end would be worth it…

He just saw all the lilies he gave you in those last few weeks, and the scent of those flowers made him sleep early

…

You woke up, you still felt his arms in your body, feeling protected. But his arms were no longer there, nor was his body under yours either. You woke up completely to realize you were alone in your apartment's living room. You blinked many times and looked everywhere. Was that a dream too?

If it was, I'm really fucked

You got up off the couch, started looking all over your apartment, realizing you were completely alone. You let yourself down, that dream had felt so real, and you be concerned too, your imagination was long lived lately. You had to take a shower before you went to work at the bakery. At the end of it all, it had been a great dream.

But when you were preparing the bathtub, you decided to look in the mirror, and you found out there was red and white paint on your forehead and cheek, plus there was another little stain on the knuckles of your hand. You came out of the bathroom and you didn't realize there was a small note on the small table in the living room. You took it between your fingers, excited and read it.

"Sorry I left without saying goodbye, though now that I think about it, there shouldn't be a goodbye, because there won't be any more goodbyes, right, Y/N? I'll be back soon for you, it's a promise. I won't forget you.

J”

And then, that silly smile in your face appears. You kissed that note. Definitely was a promise.

Continue.

#joker 2019 #joker fandom #arthur #fleck #joker #joker film #joker movie #arthur fleck x reader #joker x reader #joker x y/n #joker x you #fanfic #arthur fleck x female reader #HarleenFleckWrites

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karma-jinx · 4 years

Text

ML New York Special Babbles *Spoilers*

Ok so! Coming outta me hiding hole to bring you this ramblings. These are just my thoughts after seeing the new episode. This ones a LONG one.

I’m told that this particular episode takes place between seasons 3 and 4. A sort of bridge episode maybe idk. I mention this because there are some things it connects to in the past and introduces some new stuff. (In regards of what’s going on in Paris.)

The ep starts with LB and CN yet AGAIN fighting Mr Pigeon. Apparently for the 51st time. He wants to take the Eiffel Tower to space with his piegons???? Idk just an excuse for the hero’s to use their new power ups. Which tbh is kinda lame because we don’t even see them in the new forms for very long.

The light hearted banter between LB and CN about the rose was kinda nice. I say this because it seems like CN is maybe FINALLY going to give her space and not try to woo her every moment. Tbh I can’t recall if he actually did flirt with her in that scene. So that’s cool. (Boy did stroke his own ego by kissing his muscles.)

Marinette really out her denying she still simps over Adrien. (She does it through out the entire episode and no one believes her claim that she’s over him and that they’re “friends”)

Also uh.... so Miss Bustier is preggers???? Interesting cuz I thought she was single since we’ve never heard of any sort of partner she may or may not have. Also its Miss, not Mrs so I don’t think she’s married? But idk she can’t go to the trip so Ms Mendeleiev goes in her place.

And can I just say how hurt she looked when the students complained that she’s lame and wouldn’t be as fun as Ms B. Yeah Ms. M is strict and all but she’s fair across the board. Unlike Ms B. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about just look up Ms B salt.)

Random but why was Chloe SO Adamant in not wanting to go to New York? I mean didn’t she want to go to New York with her mom? Was it cuz it was a class trip instead?

Lila was there too but fuq her honestly. Lila was only there to push Marinette to claim they gotta convince model boy’s das to let him go to New York with them.

Why’d the WHOLE class go to Adrien’s house if Marinette was the only one let inside? Sure it could be argued that either the dad only allowed her in. Or her classmates pushed her to do it alone since it was her idea. Either way seemed unnecessary for them all to be there. That’s just my opinion.

Side note as this was happening Adrien and Kagami had another fencing match. (One she won becuz boi was having sad times)

But she him!!!! And such an odd scene too becuz it LOOKS like she MAY have kissed him on the lips. But I don’t think she actually did. I say this because Adrien showed no reaction to it until she pulled away. He was still sadly looking at the ground until she was leaving. So???? I still don’t think they’re a couple. Yet????

My girl Marinette being a responsible hero trusting CN to look over the city in her absence gives him a flipping kitty alarm. I want that!

Random comment but ofc marinette would miss the bus that’s taking her to the airport because why WOULDNT she right?

Luckily friend Luka was there to haul ass to catch up on it on his bike right? (Is he a wimp or not? Like???? Yeah we know he likes her but he also treats her like a friend. So idk of this scene is him kinda simping or him being a good friend.)

That plane scene huh? I feel like some ppl are gonna be mad about what happened. As the trailer shows Marinette and Adrien are seated next to each other. When boarding the place Adrien is actually happy, maybe even excited to see Marinette.

He runs down the aisle to help her with her things and find her seat. He even tries to help her work the ac over head. All in all he’s just happy to be near her. And everyone might’ve thought FINALLY some progress right? Only to see her beg for help because she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t spend HOURS seated by the boy she likes.

Why? Because at the end of season 3 we’re told that she chooses to bow out in the race for his affections because she thinks he and Kagami like each other. She couldn’t handle a few seconds by him so she knew she wouldn’t be able to handle hours seated by a guy she still very much likes but chooses she can’t have. As frustrating as it is I can at least see WHY she acted the way she did.

Alya and Nino being 100000% over these to but still trying to help them out. The patience they have for their idiot friends.

Everyone on the plane as it’s being attacked: scared and full surprised.

Alya: *nerds out about the super heroes helping*

She still hasn’t changed huh?

Why’s Majestia’s daughter and Android? I really wanna know the story there. Idk how to spell her name so I’ll be calling her by her hero name. Uncanny Valley, which I also want to know why is that her name. As well as the full extent of her powers.

Yay for Sabrina having fun away from Chloe for once.

Why are there SO many heroes in New York anyways? And some are random af. A guys who’s ability is that he can open a door to where ever he wants to go.

A hotdog hero with ketchup and mustard theme sidekicks? (Maybe)

Dude makes hotdogs filled with random temp abilities. Which explains wtf I saw a clip of Adrien and Marinette dancing in the air.

Sooooooo..... does everyone just think of convoluted schemes? Or meddle in things just willy nilly? Anyways Uncanny Valley and Jess’s scheme to “help” Adrien and Marinette confess sure was top tier wild idea. Alya and Nino just WENT WITH IT! They’re just like, “kay sure why not?” Sure ok!

Ladybug and Chat Noir are an efficient crime fighting duo. And Paris’ sworn protectors!

Can’t function for shit as civilians.

LB has sole custody of their brain cells. What happens to it when they change back is a mystery to me.

CN is an idiot for never telling LB that he was leaving Paris. Til it was too late and problems were happening in Paris. Caused by Mayura. Rip Natalie who seems bed ridden? But also if the miraculous is fixed is she still going to suffer the affects from when it was broken? Or is she healing from that?

Anyways a messy fight ensues. CN hurt he broke his Lady’s trust and almost killed Uncanny Valley. If LB weren’t there to fix things who knows what would’ve happened?

Still, he gives up his ring and is forced to leave since his father blames Marinette for convincing him to allow Adrien to go to New York. SCREW YOU GABRIEL BITCH NEEDS TO GET DUNKED ON IS ALL IMA SAY.

(That was a NASTY skid Marinette did. Like OUCH)

Why did Majestia’s skin tone go fucking white in her civilian form???? Her and her gf/wife’s skin tone was just, weird?

On topic of random/weird why did Jess HAVE to pretend she was a boy hero?

The explanation they gave was rushed and weak imo.

The eagles miraculous confuses me tbh. Even after seeing how it worked I’m perplexed by it. But seeing as it takes place in ‘Muerica land of the Free with an eagle Kwami its “on brand”. Sure.

HM really out here really to destroy the world without a second thought huh? Guess I shouldn’t be surprised.

Shouldn’t also be surprised that LB and CN saved the day with their new friends either. The ending was pretty rushed tbh.

LB and CN are thanked/praised for helping. Paris understand why they were absent now.

Jess gets to keep the miraculous and *le gasp* there’s another protector of the miraculous.

Alls well that ends well right?

In all honesty the special was kinda like any other episode. It did bring new lore like the heroes of New York. NONE of them seemed to be miraculous based type of heroes. So I makes me wonder the extent of unnatural aspects that have or could happen to make someone have super abilities. Or am I to assume that it’s like marvel/dc or any other super hero like comic book story. Because it that’s the case then that opens a whole can of worms I can’t get into rn.

There’s also the other guardian of the miraculous. How many more are there? Do they keep in touch? If so why’d Master Fu make Marinette the new guardian???? Just.. jakakandjfns

Why claim its SOOOO important to hide their identities then show how New York Heroes don’t seem to really give af about secret identities?

Might’ve missed some things but this is long af as it is.

#my thoughts #miraculous ladybug #ml spoilers #ml new york #ml special

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xxisxxisxxis · 4 years

Text

Gateway Drug | Part Sixty-Five

A/N: If you didn't see my post yesterday, I decide to break this chapter into 2 chapters. The preview for this chapter is included in the next chapter.

Words: 3.7k

Warning(s): Explicit language, mentions of drug abuse

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I blink my eyes open to see Izzy standing over me, my brows furrowing at the sight of him, confusion filing into my mind.

“Izzy.” I croak out, closing my eyes again for a moment.

“Viv.” He replies.

"What're you doing here?" I groan, tiredly.

"A girl I hooked up with last night lives in this neighborhood." He tells me. "Karen let me in."

“Of course she did.” I mumble, sitting up with another groan, and he sits on the floor next to me, pulling a cigarette out of his pocket, lighting it.

“So, like, what happened?” He asks me, looking around at the shithole mess I made last night and I lick my cracked lips, feeling the tightness of dried, mascara coated tears that have glued to my face, and let out an exhausted breath.

“You ever walk into your house and wonder ‘exactly how many surfaces did my husband and his mistress possibly have sex on’?”

“Nope.” He replies, blowing out smoke, and I glance at him.

“Well, that’s what happened.” I reply, sighing. “I thought I was doing good, Izzy. I really thought we were getting better. And we weren’t. It was all bullshit.”

“Trust me, Viv, I’ve fucking been there.” He mumbles.

“I gave her a key to my house.” I repeat what I told him earlier and he looks at me for a moment, looking as if he doesn’t quite know what to say. “I might as well have just handed him over to her and said, ‘he’s yours, have at it’.” I add, letting out a chuckle, although it’s not funny. “I’m not like her. I act nothing like her. I haven’t accomplished as much as she has. I’m not established like she is. I look nothing like her--”

“--She’s a ten but the drugs make her a five. And her being batshit crazy knocks her down to a solid two...on a good day. You’re a ten. Your niceness adds two points, your patience adds two more points, and your crazy is hot, which adds five more points. So technically you’re a seventeen. Don’t compare yourself to a fucking crack addict when there’s barely anything left of her to compare to.” He orders sternly, and I push a strand of hair behind my ear. “And the only thing she can say she’s got on you, is screwing your husband, and she brags about it because strung out Nikki Sixx is obviously a prize.” He sarcastically states and I smile a little. “He didn’t cheat because you weren’t enough, Viv. He cheated because he’s fucking stupid and the drugs just add to it. I assure you, if you were ugly or something, none of us would wanna fuck you. But we do.”

“Gee, thanks, Izzy.” I flatly say, furrowing my brows slightly, and he nudges me with his elbow.

“You’re a seventeen.” He reassures me, smiling.

“See, this is what I would’ve appreciated hearing the other night.” I inform him.

“I was an ass the other night.” He admits. “I’m sorry for yelling at you...and there’s nothing wrong with you not picking up on our hints that something was wrong. You just see the best in people sometimes when they’re fucking shitty, is all.”

“Trust me I’ve learned my lesson.” I scoff.

“No, don’t let this bullshit ruin a good thing. You can still see the good in people and try to be positive about them, just use a little discernment from now on.” He shrugs and I wipe my eyes as he takes another drag of his cigarette.

“Did we just have a moment, Izzy?” I ask, and he furrows his brows and looks at me.

“No.”

“I think we did.”

“No, we didn’t.”

“I think we did. I think we just got a little closer in our friendship.”

“Nope, I don’t think so.”

“We did.”

“We didn’t.”

“I love you and I’m glad we’re friends.”

He just looks at me, trying not to smile, before getting a serious look on his face.

“It’ll be okay, Viv.” He assures me, genuinely, and I nod.

“I know it will be, I’m just kinda scared to go through the hell I’m gonna need to go through in order to get to the ‘it’s okay now’ part.”

“I know you are.” He tells me, exhaling more smoke. “I know you are.”

That’s the thing about Izzy: a raging jackass when he wants to be, and quiet for the most part, but when he gets serious about something, it’s genuine and hard to ever forget.

Once Izzy decides to go home, I’m staring at the letter from Playboy, eyeing the number left at the bottom of the page for their project manager.

“Just call and see what they say.” I tell myself, taking a deep breath, my palms starting to sweat.

I dial the number and it rings a few times before someone picks up.

“Playboy Enterprises, this is Erika.”

I convince myself to calm down and ease the nerves bunching in my stomach before I reply.

“Y-Yes, this is Vivian Sixx. I got a letter from you guys?”

“Yes, they’ve been hoping you would call. Give me a moment and I’ll transfer your call to our PM.” She tells me.

“Okay, thank you.”

I wait for a moment as the line cuts out, before it cuts back in again.

“Mrs. Sixx?” Another woman’s voice greets me.

“Yes?”

“This is Danielle Wyther, I’m the one that sent you the letter.” She explains.

“Oh.”

“I take it you’ve made your decision.” She says next and I let out a little sigh, hesitantly giving an answer.

“I’m not comfortable doing full nudity--I mean, I don’t have an issue being nude but, like, I want the important parts covered.” I’m saying before I can stop myself, and I furrow my brows and mouth “what the fuck” to myself for being so blunt.

“...We didn’t expect anything different from you, Vivian, no worries.” She tells me and I let out a relieved breath. “We’ve already prepared for more tasteful photos.”

She goes on to tell me when I need to meet with her to sign my contract of payment and a temporary NDA ensuring I won’t let it out to the public I’m posing until they decide to announce it themselves, and then we go over when I need to come to Chicago to shoot.

Once a date is set to meet, and for the photoshoot itself, we hang up and I turn around to see Karen holding a cup of coffee, wearing her bedroom shoes due to the glass on the floor that I need to clean up.

“You didn’t hear that.” I tell her.

“I have no clue what you’re talking about.” She replies, obviously knowing what I’m talking about, but clearly not in a hurry to tell Nikki about it.

She just raises her brows and takes a sip of her coffee, minding her own business.

After breakfast, I try to clean up the best I can, not even necessarily wanting to go to my room to grab a change of clothes and shower once I'm done, but I do.

I'll just leave our room a shitshow for him since we're coming back for a five day break in like a week anyway.

I shower and change clothes, grabbing my car keys.

"Where are you going?" Karen asks me.

"To see Sharise and Sky, and then I’m going out with the guys before I get home.” I tell her.

“Alright, be careful.”

“I will.”

I knew Karen wouldn’t say a thing to Nikki about Playboy, and she honestly never said a thing to me about it...but I could tell she didn’t necessarily agree with my decision, because nobody really agreed with it, they tolerated it.

In all honesty they all thought I had lost my mind, finally, because I was Vivian. Goody-goody, Christianly, worst-thing-ever-done-was-marry-someone-my-mother-didn’t-approve-of, Saint Vivian.

“Yes, I’m sure about it, Sharise.” I tell her, Skylar sticking a unicorn sticker to my face, making me smile at her as Sharise raises her brows at me.

“But you’ll be n-a-k-e-d.” She spells out so Skylar won’t catch on. “A-s-s and b-o-o-b-s out. For everyone to see.”

“Not really, everything’s gonna be covered.”

“Barely.”

“But still covered, nonetheless.” I argue.

“Do you want me to go with you?” She asks next.

“I wanna go!” Skylar says, looking at her mom, not even knowing where exactly we’re going, but wanting to tag along.

“No, I’ll probably have Duff or Steven go with me.” She tell her and she raises her brows.

“Oh...Duff...okay…”

“What?” I ask, furrowing my brows a little and she holds back a tight-lipped smile, shaking her head and shrugging.

“Nothing, Viv. Nothing at all. It’s just...you know…”

“...What exactly do I know?” I question.

“You know what you know.” She says back, matter-of-fact, and I think a moment before scoffing out.

“Oh, puh-lease, Sharise.” I hold back a bark of laughter.

“You know where I’m getting that idea, too.” She states and I shake my head.

“You are crazy.”

“Am I? You’ve just recently been hurt, you’re vulnerable, you’re confused, he’s available and attractive, and a complete gentleman--”

“--Which is exactly why nothing is happening because he’s not going to take advantage of me right now.” I tell her.

“Right now?” She widens her eyes and I sigh. “Ah, so you admit something’s cooking, it’s just not being served at the table at the moment.”

“It’s being poured down the drain because he’s got his own thing and I’ve got mine and neither of us are like that with each other.”

“He broke up with his ‘thing’ earlier this year and yours was just caught with a crack pipe in one hand, a needle in the other, and another woman’s mouth on his d-i-c-k, which sounds like a justified divorce to me.” She says to me, picking Sky up, and I let out a breath...because she’s right.

“Look, just think before you jump into the deep end. Just because there’s room for you to land, doesn’t mean there aren’t sharks waiting for you to dive in.” She warns me and I just nod slowly, rubbing my lips together.

I stay at Sharise’s for a couple more hours, before I’m meeting Duff at the Whisky because they’re playing a show tonight.

“Thank you.” I say as a girl in the crowded room moves for me to squeeze by her to get backstage with the guys once the show is over.

I crack open the door, seeing Axl in his assless chaps, his hair going all kinds of directions in it’s teased glory, and he smiles widely at me.

“Hey, Viv.” He greets me, and I step in to see everybody else in the room: Slash, Izzy, Stevie, Duff, and...no, no, that’s impossible.

I furrow my brows, my heart stopping in my chest.

“D-Dad?” I ask.

He’s just as shell shocked as I am, until his face is lighting up, tears coming to his eyes, as he nervously steps to me.

“What’re you doing here?” I ask next, realizing I’m about to cry.

I haven’t seen him in four years. We’ve written to each other every once in a while just to check up, but I haven’t seen him or heard his voice in four years.

“I’ve been coming down this part of town the past few nights when I heard you were back home.” He explains to me.

“Why?”

He doesn’t have to answer this, I know why. He heard his daughter’s husband possibly cheated on with her, and the mistress announced it on national television.

“Well, I couldn't really comfort you through a stupid letter.” He says and a tear rolls down my cheek.

“Aww, Dad." My voice cracks and he gives me a big hug.

"And I'll fly to wherever he is and give him a piece of my mind, just say 'when' and I'll give him a real reason to go crawling to another woman." He states and I laugh, pulling away to wipe my eyes, getting a good, up close look at my dad.

His hair is already starting to grey, despite only being forty-one, and his brown eyes haven't lost any of their spark that's been in them even since I could remember.

He wipes my tears, giving me a reassuring smile.

"I'm okay, Dad." I tell him, sniffling, looking around at the guys before looking back up at him. "How do you even know them?"

Apparently, several months prior, my dad happened to be in the same convenience store as Steven, who he saw was trying to smuggle a bag of Cheetos up his shirt because he couldn’t afford to buy them so my dad gave him a few hundred bucks and when he told Steven his name Stevie remembered my maiden name was “Kinston” and asked my dad if he knew me. It went from there and resulted in my dad checking in on them from time to time, but none of them ever told me because they weren’t ever really sure how I felt about my dad.

After the guys get changed, we’re heading to get some food at the Rainbow with my dad tagging along.

“After she watched the Wizard of Oz with her aunt, she’d pretend she was the Good Witch of the South and used to get out of her little bubble baths and run through the house, calling herself the ‘Bubble Fairy’, with her mom chasing after her.” My dad tells the guys and I squeeze my eyes shut, wishing he wouldn’t have told the story of the notorious “Bubble Fairy.”

“Dad, they didn’t need to know that.” I say to him, seeing Duff and Slash trying to hide their laughter.

“Oh, it’s not that bad, Viv, you were a toddler.” My dad insists. “It was precious.”

“Yeah, maybe you should recreate it and let us see if it’s just as precious.” Izzy says to aggravate me.

“Hey, watch it.” My dad scolds him and I smile smugly at Izzy.

“Yeah, watch it." I echo and Izzy narrows his eyes at me.

"Whatever you say, Bubble Fairy." He says to me and I'm kicking at him under the table, before I'm looking at my dad again, taking a sip of Pepsi.

"Change of subject, why didn't you just come by the house?" I ask my dad.

"I didn't know if you would've wanted me to, if you were still trying to handle everything." He adds. "I was going to when I heard you had a health scare, but I didn't want to overstep any boundaries."

"Dad, I wouldn't have minded." I assure him, shaking my head a little.

"Well, how much longer are you going to be in town?" He asks.

"Um, I'm flying out tomorrow for about a week, but we're supposed to be coming back home for a break." I explain.

"'We're'? He's coming back home with you…is he staying with you?" He questions and I blink a couple times.

"Well, y-yeah, we're still married, dad, so we're gonna be staying in the same house." I explain. "Especially since his manager thinks it's best if we play it off to the public and the media that the situation was a misunderstanding."

"How the hell does one 'misunderstand' being engaged to a married man?" He asks, and the guys raise their brows.

"Well--"

"--I'd rip his manager a new one and tell him to use it to let out all the extra shit he's full of."

My eyes widen, and I'm shocked, because I've never heard my dad this angry.

"Dad, it's okay. After the tour if we want to file for divorce, we will."

"When is the tour over?"

"Next spring."

"Vivian, do you have any idea how long divorce takes to be finalized?" He asks and I rub my lips together. "If you genuinely want to get divorced, I suggest filing now so you can almost be done with it by the time the tour ends."

"We've tried. She won't listen." Axl states, lighting a cigarette and I glare at him.

"I'm weighing my options, dad." I say.

"And what's he doing?" He asks next.

"Shooting heroin and screwing groupies." Axl interjects again.

"Axl." I snap.

"Dude, c'mon." Duff lightly says, not amused with his suggestion.

"What?" Axl looks at us. "Coming from a dude, infidelity is like cockroaches. For every one you know about, there's a hundred more you don't know about."

"Dude!" Stevie scolds him, looking at him like he's lost his mind.

"So we're just gonna pretend there's no chance that Vanity isn't the first chick Nikki's been with in the six years they've been together?" Axl keeps going.

"I'm going to the bathroom." I mumble, getting out of the booth, trying not to think about the possibility of Nikki cheating with multiple other girls, but knowing it isn't too far-fetched to consider it.

After a couple minutes of wiping tears in the bathroom stall, I hear the door open, and wait to hear the clicking of heels on the tile floor, but instead hear heavy footsteps.

“Viv?” Duff asks and I let out a relieved sigh, sniffling.

“I’m fine.” I say to him, despite it not sounding convincing in the slightest.

“No, you’re not.” He tells me and I roll my eyes, opening the stall, looking up at him.

“I am.”

“There’s no fucking cameras around, you know that right?” He raises his brows and I exhale softly, throwing my wet, snotty tissue in the garbage can, stepping to the mirror to fix my face the best I can.

“I’ve thought of the possibility of him having others.” I admit, wiping the running mascara from my face as he leans against the stall’s fixture and looks at me in the mirror. “I’ve thought about it, and it’s one of my worst fucking fears is hearing this whole time there’s been girls left and right that’s he’s managed to sneak past me. I don’t like it, but I have thought about it. I’m not oblivious to that possibility.”

“I know you aren’t.” He nods.

“But he’s all I’ve known.” I tell him, taking a deep breath. “He’s all I’ve known and he’s all I’ve got and if I look for any more trouble, I’m gonna find it, and I’d rather not repeat this cycle of feeling like the biggest fucking idiot, so if we can just skip the conversation altogether I’d be really appreciative of it.” I state, turning to face him.

“Got it.” He promises. “And Axl doesn’t mean anything by it, Viv, alright? He just misses the mark when it comes to communication.” He shrugs.

“I suppose.” I sigh out. “I’m sorry, you’re probably tired of me crying.”

“I wish you wouldn’t cry because I don’t like to see it, but I think you have every reason to, right now. I’m just happy you’re not completely losing your shit like I expected you to.” He explains and I raise my brows.

“Define ‘losing your shit’.”

He looks at me with raised brows.

“What did you do?” He asks me, amused.

“It’s not really what I’ve done...more so what I’m going to do.”

“What’re you going to do?”

“...Playboy sent me a letter, offering $40,000 for a cover shoot and interview, and some pictures to go along with it.” I watch as his eyes widen, and he gets an uneasy look on his face.

“Viv, you aren’t, like, the Playboy type, though.” He points out, worriedly.

“Well, no, I’m not, and I know that and they know that, so when I called just decided to do ‘tasteful’ nude shots.”

“‘Tasteful’ by Vivian standards, or ‘tasteful’ by pornographic magazine standards?”

“Vivian standards. Naked, but none of the good stuff is showing.” I state.

“Oh, okay.” He laughs out, nervously. “Are you...sure about it?”

“Well, at first I did it for the money because if Nikki leaves me, I’m not gonna have a penny to my name--”

“--Vivian, if you need money and somewhere to stay if things go to shit, you can just ask me or one of the guys.” He offers, looking like the thought of me posing nude just for money, doesn’t sit right with him because he knows I wouldn’t do it unless I felt I had no other choice.

“You didn’t let me finish.” I tell him, smiling. “But then they said it’d be tasteful and I wouldn’t have to show everything, and now it sounds kinda fun.”

“And what does Nikki think of it?” He asks me an important question and I go to speak, but stop myself, exhaling.

“What Nikki doesn’t know, won’t hurt him.” Is all I can come up with.

“Uh, I think Nikki will know when he sees his wife on the cover of Playboy.” He argues.

“It’s not like I’m gonna be posed on the front with my tits and pussy out, spread eagle for the world to ogle at my anatomy.” I counter and he squeezes his eyes closed, shaking his head a little.

“I didn’t need to picture you like that, Viv.” He says and I feel my cheeks heat up in embarrassment.

“Oops, sorry.” I say, rubbing my lips together. “Hey, there is something I need to ask you, though.”

“Yeah?” He replies, looking at me.

“Tomorrow I’m going to their office here in town to sign the paperwork and stuff, and then I’m going to Chicago for the photoshoot, because conveniently enough, Motley Crue will be in Chicago for a few days, and I was wondering if you’d want to come with me.”

He laughs like it’s absurd.

“You are crazy.” He says, in disbelief. “You are crazy.”

“Duff--”

“--If he finds out I was there with you, Viv, I just--you are crazy.”

“So, you’re not gonna go with me?” I ask him, scared he’s going to say “no” to avoid pissing Nikki off.

But he completely surprises me when he says:

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

#nikki sixx #nikki sixx fanfiction #mötley crüe #nikki sixx x oc #gateway drug

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