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#hey you're valid or hey you're not and here's why
arcielee · 2 days
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I hope you're doing fine amidst all this drama. It's no surprise that my intuitions were proven right once again, and here we have Ange, crying on her blog about being doxxed while conveniently ignoring her own complicity in Bel’s racism. It's sickening that some people still support her behaviour. However I wanted to bring up this post:
https://www.tumblr.com/arcielee/748496384896958464/hey-everyone-i-know-its-been-a-dark-time-in-the?source=share
Weren't you also doxxed in Ange and Em’s groupchat? And now they only come to you when the dust settles after their mess with Bel. I'm tired of these women always playing the victim and never taking responsibility for their actions. We're all over it!
Hey anon. You are referring to this post that I made. I thought it best to respond to this before we return to some much needed healing and hydrating.
I mentioned that I was not going to speak on the subject again, but more information has come to light and there is something that has been weighing on me.
As I posted before, I found out that I had been doxxed. This was something that happened in the same groupchat that included Bel, Fae, Ange, and Em where screenshots had been shared. I learned about this prior to the post when Em reached out to me through a mutual we shared. She was very remorseful and apologetic for what happened, and she provided me with the unedited versions I needed so I could handle this at my local police department.
Doxxing is frightening. When I returned to Tumblr back in 2022, I enjoyed the anonymity of it all, how I was able to blatantly be some dork who swooned over silver haired fictional characters with my kindred spirits. Seeing myself tagged in the post mentioned above, seeing those original screenshots with my legal name and my private, personal IG on display rattled me to my core.
In this chat I learned that not only had I been doxxed, but it was also mentioned about the animosity that stemmed from lies being shared without being validated. The TL;DR of the situation is that Bel and I shared a small server together. I was warned about her behavior by Ange and others, but at the time Bel had been nothing but kind to me, so I ignored it. Then Bel left our server and went to Ange and Em with some false narrative about me and some others. Despite how I was warned me in the beginning, she accepted what was said without thought. This resulted in me being blacklisted and harassed within the HotD fandom.
This was and continues to be an ugly ordeal. We are finally seeing that worst things happened in that same chat, which is why I was wary to even bring this up again.
But I do feel I should remind everyone that doxxing is the act of providing personally identifiable information about an individual or organization, usually via the Internet and without their consent. [x]
And this is what happened to me.
I did not want to do a super detailed post about it; I understand the insanity of it all since we literally came to this hellsite for a show about some incestual family that rides dragons. But the only way for us as a fandom to move on is to acknowledge what happened and those who were affected by it before we can move forward to create a safer environment for everyone who is a part of it.
I truly believe that we can and will do better. 💜
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absentlyabbie · 2 days
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i think a gentle reminder perhaps all of us need sometimes is that, though we have around here a very free culture about conversational tagging, and tumblr as a social ecosystem treats tags like muttering under your breath or a little aside...
unless they're deactivated or have deleted the original post, the person who made the post you're reblogging is still very likely to see your tags. so will the person you reblogged from directly.
commentary tagging may indeed be much like muttering under your breath, but take into consideration that you are muttering in a crowded room not all that far away from the person you've decided to comment on.
they can probably still hear you. the people around you hear you. and any of those may choose to ignore it or even just uncomfortably look away if your muttering edges into faux pas territory, others may find it very rude or even insulting and not simply pretend they didn't hear you.
you may reblog a post "muttering" about how you think the person who made it made a cringey stupid joke and you don't know why people are laughing. but in this analogy you are all in the same room at the same party and you run the risk that the person who told the joke hears you and turns to ask "hey what the fuck."
you might be fine with that and intentionally open to being confrontational, you may be one of those people who thinks "brutal honesty" is a valid form of connecting with others, but if you would be embarrassed or wince and feel guilty if op turned to you and said "hey. what the fuck. that was really unkind" maybe think twice about what you want to say and how you want to say it, and where you want to chance being heard.
it's not an outlandish expectation that we treat one another with kindness and respect, strangers and all.
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theghostofashton · 2 years
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moe-broey · 1 year
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Ran out of answer spaces but! I felt it was important to split off Team Plasma since there is a significant ideological difference between them (as far as I remember each ideation of Team Rocket has the same goals/beliefs, Giovanni himself just stepped down and changed his mind)
That said! This is less about favorite gen and more about believing in the beliefs -- especially interesting to consider if you align with the Main Villain and their outlook, or if you believe in the so-called "cause" that may or may not be true, or have some truth to it (like, if you wanted to help Pokemon like og Plasma and Aether Foundation).
Sorry to lump Yell and Star together, I was going chronologically!! You'll have to specify which and why in the tags haha (if you want to that is!)
And honestly that goes for any choice, sell it to me. Why should I join Your team?
#pokemon#i'm sure this has been done before but also i want to have a specific focus on like. WHY you're joining. beyond favoritism!#i've already made my choice tbh it's team skull. like they have a point and an extremely valid reason to be angry.#if you can't measure up and do the island challenge as expected ESP when it is SO culturally significant in alola#what do you even do. ofc you're gonna be washed up and burned out and carrying the weight of failure with you always.#until one day you're like 'hey isn't weird we put so much pressure on literal 11 year olds actually'#and then you start questioning tradition and expectations and the system and you're like okay.#LET'S START COMMITTING CRIME#really i think the only area they went wrong was to bully the 11y/os about it instead of directing their rage#at the adults who put them in that situation in the first place. LIKE. imagine a world where team skull on top of being public nuisances#were instead actively trying to recruit every kid doing the island challenge to their cause#to dismantle the significance of the island challenge and maybe where they go wrong here is#they're 'too destructive' and there's a place to meet in the middle (can be an annoying message but also. kids game LMFAO)#that said it would be really interesting how they'd interact w the captains as well cause a lot of them are kids too#are they also regarded as victims of an unfair system like the island challengers or someone who upholds it?#ultimately team skull is still a red herring but. it would make for some wild world building!#also team star is extremely based and have done nothing wrong in their entire lives. i am fighting the school board about it.
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45 days since a brand crossed Markiplier
1/07/22
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russilton · 11 months
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alright, calm fun anons lasted almost exactly one week. cool.
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Allure
Part One:Sunshine
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❥MATZ x fem reader
Kim Hongjoong and Park Seonghwa. The most known and feared alphas of the new generation. It took two dozen elder alphas to subdue them and stick them in the world's most secluded prison- hidden away in the mountains. The prison that sweet little omega (Y/n)'s works at.
Knuckle Velvet (Part Two)
Smoke (Part Three)
➯a/n: i've always wanted to write a story i would like to see as a movie or show, and i very much enjoy supernatural and dark romance, so i made this ! it does get very dark so please read the warnings and take care of yourself first and foremost. i am very proud of this, i hope you enjoy 💕
✃ "Because you're... alluring."
✫彡wordcount: 9.3k
♫"Hey, you should leave that young thing alone, ain't no sunshine when she's gone, only darkness everyday." - Flower Face (original by Bill Withers) ♫ Allure Sountrack
(>ᴗ•)♡´・ᴗ・`♡genre: smut, YANDERE, a/b/o au
ಠ_ಠWARNING/content: DEAD DOVE I MURDERED THAT BIH
chapter specific: literally what have i done, not beta read(ironically), criminal MATZ, alpha MATZ/omega reader, forget everything you know about werewolves, so much world building, extremely yandere behavior, talk of attempted child murder, class division of werewolves, panic attacks, vulgar language, mind control, lots of scent stuff, unhealthy relationships, ptsd, flashbacks and nightmares, physical violence, manipulation of others dreams, supporting character death, forced soul bonding, forced marking, reader implied to have mental health issues, murder, gore, violence- all that good stuff. THIS IS NOT A NON CON FIC ALL EVENTUAL SMUT WILL BE CONSENSUAL.
⁂perm taglist: @stvrfir3 @tunaasan @marievllr-abg
⁂fic taglist: @potatomountain @spooo00oky
MATURE UNDER CUT MDNI
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˚➶ 。˚ PART ONE ˚➶ 。˚
You hate weekdays. That much is true for a lot of people. You like to think your reasoning is especially valid.
Every Monday through Friday like clockwork, 6:30AM you walk into the prison. That on its own wasn't so bad. You lived only ten minutes away; the gothic building looked over your village in tandem with the mountains. You could see it when the weather was clear, even from your bedroom on the edge of town. You were no longer afraid of it like when you were a child.
You are, however, afraid of the newest prisoners.
New arrivals didn't usually rock you. This is the only prison in the country fit to hold lycans, after all. They all got transferred here eventually. From beta's who were just stealing to eat, to alphas who used their powers on humans, to those who believed in the old ways and fed on humans.
You had to interact with them all face to face.
You weren't excited for that particular aspect of your job this week.
You made your way through the double doors and greeted the security guard, your friend Hyolyn, as you went through the metal detector. It went off on account of the scent blocker that was embedded in your neck. She chuckled and switched it off so it stopped its incessant beeping.
"Don't laugh at me!" You threw a smile her way as you got your small purse from the plastic bucket she slid towards you. She doesn't bother to check your bag. She knows you well enough to know you wouldn't bring in any "fuck shit", as she would say. "You alpha's don't have to worry about accidentally spewing scent everywhere."
"Thank goodness for that, this place would stink to high heaven." Her unintentional reference to the new arrivals makes the air turn stiff. She could tell you were on edge immediately. "They aren't all that scary," she lays a comforting hand to your shoulder as you fiddle with the long strap on your crossbody bag.
"I heard one of them killed Alpha Greene... you think that's true? That guy was huge, I saw him at The Thing last year, I almost peed myself cause he looked at me-" You stop your own rambling, taking a deep breath and letting it out as a shaking sigh. "I don't want to go in there. Honestly, why can't we install a laundry chute or something, fuck."
"I'll follow you up, I c-"
"No, no, it's visiting day. You need to be down here. You know Chungha? Her daughter is visiting today. Don't want you to miss her." You offer a sad, tight lipped smile, but that doesn't trick her instincts to protect her weaker pack member. She knows you too well to be tricked.
"You just scream and I'll be there. Either of those cocky fucks lift a pinky in your direction and I'll gut them. They don't deserve to see a trial anyway."
A small exhale in the form of a chuckle lightens her protective instincts, she can tell you feel more at ease with her promise to be right there at the slightest hint of trouble.
"See you, Hyolyn."
"Later, babes."
You wave your fingers with a smile as the elevator doors slides shut. As soon as they clunk together, you let it fall and crouch with your head in your hands, taking in deep and slow breaths as you try and force all of the rumors you've heard about the two newest inmates away from your head.
The older alpha of the duo was the first born in this generation. They're always powerful. But he was born to two bloodthirsty rouges. Born in sin and blood lust.
The younger alpha was born just some months after, to an arranged marriage that was purposefully formed to make powerful children. They surely regret that now. Some say the man has the strongest, sharpest claws since the first lycan in Talbot Castle.
When the elevator dings, you're already upright and have that strong facade on that you put on when you're clocked in.
˚➶ 。˚
You start with the familiar. "Hey, Chungha," you tap on the silver bars of her cell, "hand 'em over." She smiles as she stands, stripping the sheets from her cot and holding them through the bars for you. "Thank you," you draw on with a tug on your lips that matches hers.
"Yunnie in town?"
"Mhm," you hum as you fold the blanket before dropping it in the large basket on wheels, "she came over for stew, I made sure to feed her good and well, don't worry."
You know it was probably problematic, but you couldn't help it. Chungha came here three years ago on a charge for battery, and over those three years you became sort of friends with her.
The battered in her case was her grandfather. When her five year old daughter, Jiyun, started to show signs of being an omega- he left her in the snow to wither away. She managed to survive until her mother came home, and said mother was furious.
She was lucky she didn't charged with attempted manslaughter.
"She said she'll be here first thing."
"Thank you," she had a heavy pull on her voice. You don't have the emotional connection to other wolves like an alpha or beta did. But it was clear to anyone she was being sincere. "You're a good woman."
"Don't mention it, Yunnie is good company. Oh," you start to wheel the basket away when you remember something. You reach into the purse that you had set on the handles. "She made this at art class, asked me to give it to you so it didn't have to wait in processing."
It was a small, cruelly made ceramic bowl in the vague shape of a heart. It was clearly made by an eight year old, but made with love.
"I owe you."
"Just keep working on that parol work." You said lightly and blew a kiss as you moved to the next cell.
    The rest of your work nearly cleared your mind as you went from cell to cell, floor to floor. Omega's were on the second floor. Beta's on the third. Alphas on the fourth. High security on the fifth.
     It's on the fourth level that you begin to feel those nerves that you had just worked away. The scent was becoming stronger. They didn't put them on blockers? Maybe they didn't think it would be worth it. Everyone knew that they were the worst of the worst, they didn't even try to hide it. They would undoubtedly be put to death. Why waste two perfectly good, expensive, blockers?
     The basket of used sheets is nearly full, accumulating into a weight that makes you put your back into it as you push it into the elevator.
    Your index finger reaches out, and before you can stop yourself you've pressed the button to the fifth floor.
       You blank out until the door opens again. Your teeth are eternally grateful for the gum between them so they don't grind themselves into dust. The mint flavor does little to calm your nerves.
     The only thing that makes you come back to your own head is Changbin. He's a big, buff beta with a gun full of silver bullets on his work belt. He won't let them hurt you. His smile washes away a lot of the nerves.
    But the growl that rumbles against the walls makes them return ten, one hundred, one thousand fold. You don't dare say a word. A deer in headlights until Changbin places his hand on the small of your back. "Go on, don't give them the satisfaction of scaring you. They aren't going nowhere no time soon. Take a look."
     He motions you deeper into the hall, florescent lights buzzing above you, matching the jittering feeling in the deepest pit of your stomach. It smells too strong. Too much. You're about to fall to your knees from the weight and you haven't even come face to face with the near feral criminals.
    Changbin opens the doors at the end of the hall.
     They've definitely gone all out to keep them in place. Two large cages placed next to each other in the middle of the enormous room. Made of pure silver and wrapped in wolfsbane. The unpleasant smell of the plant makes your nose twitch. A ring of blood ash surrounds it. Only omegas can pass through blood ash, and now you start to realize why they sent you.
    You want to curse the warden, but the second you open your mouth, a loud cackle sounds out from one of the cages.
     Changbin's hand twitches at the gun attached to his side.
    "Oh wow," the smaller alpha chuckles, eyes closed, head tilted back, as he sniffs the air. "I didn't expect that." More manic giggles slip past his lips.
    You haven't even looked up to see them and you want to cave in on yourself.
    "What are you rambling about, huh?" The guard next to you shouts, making you flinch instinctively.
     "That sweet... sweet, smell," he moans. You can hear him shuffling. "From a peppy little spit fuck omega."
   You gasp abashedly, and now two laughs ring out. You want to wonder how they can smell you. Your insurance provides the best scent blocker in the country. But you're too scared to breathe, let alone think.
      "Shut up," Changbin groans, he can feel you tense next to him, "don't piss me off, Kim."
    "Awe," a new, rumbling voice makes you cower the second it reaches your ears, "this your mate? Hm, no... you wouldn't bring your mate here. You're not an idiot. Then, say... omega." You don't make a move to look when he addresses you, you stay looking at Changbins grip on his gun, silently.
     "Omega, come!" Your feet move for you, and that manic laugh almost makes you wet yourself as you realize that your wolf is making you move toward them without your consent. You stop just outside of the blood ash, where you know you're safe.
     "Changb-"
     "No. I'm the one you're speaking to."
   Changbin seems to be weighing his options, eyeing the men as they eye you.
    "Why are you here? You a shrink?"
    You shake your head.
   "You a lawyer?"
    Again.
   "She works here, dumbass, look at her scrubs," the younger speaks, and you nod subconsciously, to which he giggles, "what can we do for a pretty little thing like you?"
    When you refuse to speak, the guard does it for you. "She's here for your sheets today. Get used to her."
     You hated that this was your job, but it was easy and accessible, and available for omegas. Werewolves are clean freaks. Every day you had a different cleaning task, but you didn't complain. Not until right now- you wanted to rip out the throat of whoever's idea it was to not shoot these criminals on sight.
     "Ah," he hums, and you can feel his eyes raking your body. You can feel both of their eyes. "Not too bad of a sight to get used to. Huh, Hwa?"
     "Mh, that's right... can't wait to get my hands on her."
Your head snaps back to Changbin.
"Awn, she thinks he's gonna help her!" The high pitched giggles bounce around in your head. "Oh, little omega~"
The saccharine coo finally pulls your eyes to the men in the cages.
If you thought you knew what fear was before this moment, you were wrong.
The two strongest criminals in the country, staring you down like a piece of meat. It doesn't matter that they are the ones in cages of silver and wolfsbane. You are the one who feels cornered.
You can immediately feel out their dynamics. The taller one is the older one, quiet and still in his cage as he sits in the center. Shaggy, shining hair framing his face and neck like an elegant piece of lace over a brides face. He has a sleeve of tattoos on one forearm, a thick tattoo on his neck. Eyes glowing a deep, blood red, as he tries to read your entire story with only a look in your direction.
The giggling one is less intimidating, only by a hair. Chemically lightened locks pushed back messily, letting his entrancing features shine in the light from the narrow windows high on the walls. He has tattoos as well, but they seem few and far between. His eyes are human for a moment before they meet yours. Instantaneously, they flick black.
The knot drops from your throat and you let out a small, pathetic, squeak.
Changbin breaks your staring contest with the alpha, shouting orders at them. "Take the sheets off your cot and set them outside of your cage. Do not attempt to touch her, I will shoot you."
    Neither criminal makes a move to follow his orders, both simply staring at you.
A low growl is emitted when the older alpha finally snaps up, tearing the sheet off the sorry excuse for a bed in one fell swoop. The younger follows his lead, shoving their sheets through the bars that are wrapped in the poisonous flower.
You look to the guard, and he nods, "go." With his finger twitching at the gun ready to pull it, you jump over the dark red ashes and into the wolves den, snatching the sheets up as quick as possible and dashing away, out the door before they even get a chance to lock in your scent up close.
The giggles follow you all the way to the elevator and ring in your head even as the thick metal thunks shut.
As you take a deep breath, you notice the sheets are gripped to your chest, your claws drawn subconsciously in your panic and ripping them up. "Shit!" You let out a curse and shove them into the bottom of the basket so you don't have to smell it as closely on the long ride to the basement.
˚➶ 。˚
The lingering wafts of your fresh scent are long gone, nothing to distract the alpha's from their caged boredom and bubbling rage over being caught. "I'll have that runts heart in my hands by the end of the month." Hongjoong groaned, to no one in particular- he knew Seonghwa was too deep in thought from their recent revelations. "Fucking back stabbers. They're more pathetic than a bitch in heat trying to get off with a dildo."
The thought hit his mind as soon as the words left his lips.
The thought of you, legs spread with your hand dipped low, trying to satisfy your primal urges and-
"Stop that." Seonghwa growls, kicking the bars of their shared 'wall'.
"Settle down!"
"Oh, like you weren't thinking it!" Hongjoong rolls his eyes, a scowl on his face as he crosses his arms. "Your ruts coming and you don't want your-"
"I said stop," he nearly roars, grabbing Hongjoong's state issued orange top and ripping it with his claws as he pulls him forward.
"I know you want her because I want her too." He whispers, smirking at the telltale signs of desire and bloodlust in his mates eyes. Red swirling around the brown of his human eyes. "Imagine how good she'll smell when we take out that stupid blocker. We'll be drowning in her scent." He moans, grabbing his wrist, "I get the honors, my claws are sharper, anyways," he draws them quickly, digging them into his skin as if to prove a point.
"I can use my teeth, mark h-"
"Oh, will you two stop? Love of God..." The guard in the large room slaps his book down on the rickety table. "What is there possibly for you to be fighting about? You're about to be executed, you know that right? No jury in the world will let you walk, especially the human half."
Their frustrations turn to the man, letting each other go. "Ah, you think so?" The older croons, dragging his index over his bleeding wrist and bringing it to his lips, sucking it clean before he continues. "We won't be around these parts long enough to meet the jury."
"What do you mean by that?"
Hongjoong covers his mouth when a laugh slips past. Seonghwa simply smirks as he sits cross legged, eyes locked with the guard as he licks his wound.
"What do you mean by that?!"
The blonde man breaks out in a fit of laughter. The brunette simply flashes his bloody canines in a twisted smile.
˚➶ 。˚
You spent the whole time doing your daily tasks trying to hype yourself up to go back up to the fifth floor.
You usually went top down, four to one. Nobody has ever been on five before.
You go bottom up today, starting at Chungha with a full basket of freshly washed sheets. She prattles on about her visit with Jiyun, and how she's so thankful for you.
You choose that as your focus point for the rest of the work day, even as you press the button to the fifth floor.
You think back to the first time you spoke to Chungha, she was a crying mess, unable to sense that you were an omega like herself. She cried and cried and cried as you held her hand through the bars of temporary holding. She cried for her daughter, for cursing her with the shame of being the weakest link of any pack. When she looked up and saw your eyes, barely glowing, she cried more.
She apologized profusely, but you reassured her that her words were true, and you hadn't been offended. You told her that, in fact, she was the first to ever share your feelings of what being an omega really meant. It meant loneliness beside anyone but other omegas. Fake relationships born with people who only stuck around because of their primal instincts to either prey on you or protect you. It meant facing the fact that you were outcasts from both of the world's dominant societies. Outcasted from humans for being a werewolf. Outcasted from werewolves for being weak. So weak, in fact, that blood ash didn't even think of you as a wolf.
That night, you drove four hours to the next village over and looked after her daughter until her aunt had room. You remember the first thing the girl said to you. She didn't speak that whole day, surely in shock from the past few days events. But when you tucked her into the motel bed, she spoke as soft as a ghost, "sing me a song?"
You hum it to yourself now, the soft sound reverberating through the metal around you until the door opened.
You wheel the basket with you this time, like it will protect you as you approach the open doors, already feeling the unwavering gaze of the criminals.
"Hey, dolly~" Hongjoong, you had learned when you took a peek into their files, purred your way.
You didn't give him the satisfaction of responding verbally, but he saw the goosebumps on your arm as you reached into the basket, stretching on your tip toes to get the last two sheets.
"You never shut up do you, Kim?" The guard sighed with an exhausted tone, making you smile as you slowly made your way to the ring of red dust.
The throaty rumble from Seonghwa, the older, taller wolf, makes that smile drop to the depths of Hell.
The new guard seems to notice your anxiety, eyeing you up- in a much less predatory manner than the caged men. "Go on, 'mega. I'm watching them."
A bang on the metal bars makes you glue your foot right back where it came from. It's the blonde one, "you shut the fuck up!"
"No, you shut the fuck up! I'm the one with the silver bullets!"
All of the yelling is making you tremble, Hongjoong and the guard going back and forth. "She isn't your omega!"
"She ain't yours!"
Seonghwa watches with a sinister smile as you back away from the ash and the guard, calling to you quietly, "hey."
The soft tone of his voice makes you raise your eyes, but not your head. His eyes don't hold that threatening and dominating red from before. They're a soft brown color that reminds you of a beautiful dark oak in the morning sunshine. "What's your name?"
"(Y/n)..." your tongue moves without your consent, fresh blankets held to your work scrubs.
You desperately want the guard to notice this trance you're in, and grab you out of it. You want to do it yourself, but you can't do anything but admire the beauty of the criminal who has you hypnotized.
"You're a pretty omega, y'know? What color is your wolf?"
"Black..." It's a slur off your lips, barely registering in his sharply tuned ears over the yelling that continues to fill the room.
"Mine too. What's her name? His is Akma."
"Solis."
"Very pretty. Is she fast?"
"Yes."
"Does she want an alpha? A mate?"
"Yes."
The guard finally notices your raised gaze, affixed to the infamous, unlawful, man. He puts his gun back in the holster quickly before gripping your shoulder and forcing you to turn around. "You idiot, didn't anyone ever tell you not to look a first born in the eyes?"
"Sorry. I'm sorry." No one had ever told you that, actually.
Both of the criminals share a smirk as the man from your pack attempts to calm you. It wasn't hard for them to figure out you were an alpha-less village. They could smell every single wolf in five miles, and not a single stench from a wolf even nearly as strong as them.
There was, however, you. A honeyed smell that filled their guts with the primal need to rip out the eyes of anyone who dared look at you.
The guard couldn't be more wrong. You are their omega. You just don't know yet.
"Go and give these fucks their sheets, then get the hell out of here." The man shoved you, making you jump clumsily over the ash so you didn't break the seal.
He yells at them to back up, and they do so without a fight.
You shove them both in at the same time before running back out quickly, grabbing the empty basket and dragging it with you, the sound of the wheels scraping with the force of your panic echoing in the near empty room.
"You guys get off on scaring defenseless girls?" The guard scoffs, not expecting an answer as he drags the chair out of the room and slams the doors behind him.
Seonghwa lets his facade fall the second the door shuts, falling to his knees and grappling at the sheet like he's a starving man with the last piece of food on Earth. Hongjoong watches for a moment in confusion until the scent catches up with his weaker nose. Then he's quickly falling in the same position.
"It worked, the guard was so easy to distract," Hongjoong chuckles, face buried into the sheet that smells vaguely like you from your time spent holding it. "What did you learn?"
"(Y/n), a black wolf named Solis," he pauses, eyes rolled back as he takes a deep breath. They're red when they re-open. "No mate. It's really her."
"You think we should have told her?" Hongjoong inquires, looking through the bars.
He's never seen Seonghwa on his knees for anyone but him or the moon.
"No," he shakes his head, turning to lock eyes with him. "She'll figure it out when I mark her."
"When I mark her."
He rolls his eyes at his defiant nature, knowing full well he won't disobey his orders no matter how badly he wants to do something.
In a dog eat dog world, the strongest was the most powerful. Unlike their human neighbors, werewolves don't decide political or social standing by money or family name. They decide based on who comes out on top in a battle of the body and of the wits.
It had been determined years ago, when they were just young rebellious pups, that Seonghwa was the alpha. A fight in the woods under the moon had set it in stone between the two.
He could have ripped Hongjoongs throat out right then and there, but now, 13 years later in the present; they're bonded for life.
Sometimes he still sees Hongjoong as that 12 year old boy under his teeth, still snapping and growling even as he bled out with tears in his dark eyes, fighting to survive purely out of spite.
"You can mark her first," Seonghwa speaks quickly, turning his back as he puts the sweet smelling sheet on his cot.
He smiles at the man, a quiet thanks spoken through their bonded souls.
˚➶ 。˚
Tuesday, they don't see you until much later in the day, but they bask in the sight of you opening the door with a broom and tray in hand, smiling at Changbin. You'll be here for a while, it's a big room.
"Hey, Binnie," you whisper to the beta, and Seonghwa has to bite his tongue.
Binnie? Ugh.
Hongjoong isn't so polite, "hey, Dolly! We don't get a hello?" You barely peek at him, eyes flicked from him right back to the floor in a millisecond. He knows you noticed his pout when he hears the smallest 'hello' tremble by your lips.
You start in the corner, headphones attached to your walkman with your favorite song on repeat to try and soothe yourself. Bill Withers calming voice blocks out every word of the teasing alphas, but you can still feel them mocking you and picking at you.
You don't dare sweep anywhere near the blood ash on the floor. One less precaution in place was one more thing to worry about.
"Bye, Binnie."
He does growl that time, eyes narrowed on your back until the door shuts.
˚➶ 。˚
Wednesday, you have a frown on your face. "Three days in a row?" The guard Hongjoong got in a yelling match with, Merle, greets you as you come into the cavernous room, "bad schedule huh?"
"No kidding," you sigh, feet slightly hesitant to pass the dust border, "I'm here to fix your shirt. It's state property." You don't look at them, but they know who you're referring to.
They act like they don't, though. Just to hear more of your voice. To make you wriggle under their attention. "Sorry? What do you mean?"
You look and point to Hongjoong, his collar ripped from Seonghwas grasp. "State property."
"Ah, of course." He grins like a jackal, pulling it over his head and sticking his hand out of the bars just in the slightest. "On one condition."
You pout, eyes on the shirt which is just far enough away that you'd have to step closer. And it's the cutest fucking thing they've ever seen.
You look back up at him, silently asking. "Sit and talk with us. The guards here are no fun!" His laugh makes you jump back further, he sounds like a mad pirate.
You look over to Merle, who just shrugs, "just get it over with so these guys will shut up. They're only talkative around you, they need an audience for their antics."
"We won't bite," Seonghwa chuckles with his teeth exposed, making you shiver.
"Fine, give it here." You take a single step forward, palm out infront of the blonde.
When you grab it and go to race away like always, his claws wrapping all the way around your wrist stops you, sharp edges threatening to slice your skin down to the bone. You scream your head off, silenced when Seonghwa coos softly, "sit with us, and talk."
"Let me go..." you plead, eyes frantically flicking to Merle, whose gun is drawn to Hongjoongs head from the border of the ash, waiting for him to take one more wrong move so he can rid the world of one of its greatest criminals.
"Sit, omega." You do so, slowly lowering to the floor with your wrist and life still in Hongjoongs hand. "You have your sewing kit with you, I can hear the buttons hitting the needle. So sit, stay, and talk while you fix it."
Once again, they're the ones caged in. But you're the one who's stuck.
     One look to Merle tells you he probably wouldn't help you even if he could get to you. He lowers his gun as your tailbone hits the concrete floor.
     Your thin work scrubs do little to fight the cold of the old flooring, one reason of many that you shake as you reach into your purse and get the small tin box.
     Hongjoong releases your wrist and sits mirrored to you, hands perched on the bars in the gaps of the purple vine flower wrapped on them. Seonghwa comes to the corner of his side of the split cage and breathes in deeply through his nose, eyes locked in on your every movement. "So you're essentially the errand lady? Maid?"
      "Yes..." You murmur under your breath as your fingers work to thread the needle, slowly backing away until you're out of reach, but still stuck in the blood ash with no one to rescue should the men infront of you decide to rip their cages open. You only stop backing away when you hear a warning growl.
     You don't care to see which it came from, you just want to do this as quickly as possible and get far, far, away. They could have chose anyone to focus their annoying efforts on. Changbin, Merle, the warden. But no, just your luck.
      "You live in the village, right? Were you born here?" Seonghwa continues to do the talking as you carefully fix the shirt.
      "Yes. And no."
     A small hum from the one in front of you is a sign they want you to continue. "I was born to an overpopulated pack. They kicked me out when I turned eighteen. Our old alpha took me in." The hitch in your voice is a clear sign that it's a sore topic. And Hongjoong continues to poke the wound.
      "How did they find you?"
       "Woods."
       "Woods?"
     You can't help the small growl of frustration, lip curling as you look up. "Woods."
     The reaction is one you wouldn't have expected from a normal person, but then- they aren't normal.
     They laugh, cooing over your gesture of anger. Compared to them, you seem like a teacup puppy. "My, my," the brunette chuckles breathily, "is that Solis coming to play?"
     "At least she can," you snap, sent to the back of your own head as your wolf tries to defend you, "she isn't a caged mutt."
    Hongjoong breaks out into a manic fit of laughter, while his paramour is the opposite: his eyes flick red before your own, sharp teeth on display in a show of dominance over your smaller ones that are subconsciously bared at him. "Watch it, omega." He spits his words with venom, "I won't be so nice when I get out of here."
     You rip the extra thread with your claw, kicking the shirt across the floor so it sits at the bottom bar of Hongjoongs cage. His chest still wracks with laughter, watching as you sit up in a low squat so you're still level with the alpha.
      It's clear that you aren't currently you. Your wolf has control of your mouth and body, crouched in a position akin to that of a dog ready to pounce as you hiss your words, "I'm going to laugh in your face as you hang."
     "Aw, is that how dear old alpha died?"
     "Cut it out!" Merle screams disinterested, eyes glued to his flimsy magazine.
      "I heard he got gutted~" Hongjoong giggles, watching the color flicking in your eyes.
     "I'll gut you!" Your threat only makes him laugh more.
      "(Y/n)!" The voice of Hylyon breaks your wolf away from you immediately, falling to your bottom and crawling to the sound unwittingly. "You fucking idiot, Merle!" 
     She reaches over the blood ash and pulls you over the ring, letting you collapse into her as she drags you away, still throwing profanities at the incompetent guard. Hongjoong is laughing loudly. Seonghwa yelling at you to come back. The elevator cuts of his roar, the last thing you see through your blurry vision is his fist making a dent in the silver cage.
You fall onto the floor of the metal box. Thoughts flood your head too quickly for you to swim though them, making you drown and try to escape by releasing the pain with tears. You don't even notice when your friend turns her key in the elevator to make it stop in its tracks, you only see her when she sits right infront of you.
"Babes, calm down, I've got you," she reaches out slowly and places a hand on your leg, slowly rubbing her thumb over your knee.
"I can't go back up there... they're too strong, they make me feel like I'm suffocating," you splutter through gasps, "I'm too weak!"
"Hey, hey, you're spiraling!" She opens her arms and pulls you into her, letting you sob into her uniform. "In and out, girl," she holds the back of your neck securely, almost instantaneously making you calm. "I got you... I got you..."
You sit there for a good while, crying into her shoulder as you sort through your wracked brains.
Your alpha was gutted. Right in front of you. Because of you.
Unbeknownst to you, their tuned ears are still listening in, the elevator stuck within their ear shot as you begin mumbling your favorite song to yourself through tears.
˚➶ 。˚
The sound of claws slicing through the skin on your back rings in your ears. Though, you can't feel it. Your eyes are locked in on your own claws, dug into the hardwood floor of your humble home to keep yourself from being dragged.
     You've been here a million times before.
     Blood pooling off of your body and onto the frigid surface below you. Teeth sharp and bared to the moon though the open window, begging that she might let you survive. Eyes aglow with your instincts as your wolf tries with every fiber of her being to turn, but she knows it's no use.
     The distorted voice above you drips with mocking venom, a chuckle as its owner realizes you can't even fight back like other wolves might: by letting your wolf fully transform.
     The wind blows through your curtains, washes your body in the artic breeze. The snowflakes on your windowsill are so delicate, all of their features fade into a blurry mush as they make contact. They melt, dripping down your wall.
     This time it's different.
      You're turned over, gaping wounds slammed into the floor as always, but when you look up to your aggressor it's different.
      His eyes aren't the yellow of a rouge, but the red of an alpha. His hair isn't that unruly blonde curl that you pulled at frantically, that you can still feel on your finger tips when your hands are unoccupied. It's long, shining, soft looking dark locks.
       You fall through the floor into another time, another place.
     Face first into the snow: your hands, shaking with adrenaline, do little to catch you.
       You don't remember this.
       This isn't right.
       This isn't your nightmare.
       You find yourself in a clearing in a forrest, the densely packed trees creating a bubble of nature around you. "(Y/n)?"
      You whip around, coming face to face with an unfamiliar man. Almost face to face. If he weren't floating a few feet in the air.
     His legs are crossed under him, hands facing palms up on his knees.
      "Don't worry. You're only dreaming." He speaks calmly as he floats around you in a circle, like a shark examining its potential prey.
     You follow him with your feral gaze, that familiar feeling of an adrenaline crash quickly approaching.
You know you're only dreaming. You've had that last dream more times than you can count in the past three years. It always plays the same. But not this time. You're only slightly thankful that you don't have to witness your alphas death again, but the gratefulness is overshadowed by confusion.
"Are you an angel?" You whisper, watching the man's soft and rounded features as he comes to a stop in the air in front of you and gracefully lowers to his feet.
"I can be, if that's what you want me to be. I'm only here to watch your dreams, fight off the nightmares."
"Why?" You feel distant from your body, watching powerlessly as your hand takes his, letting him lead you out of the clearing and into the darkness of the woods.
It disappears around you, warping into a spring day on a familiar path.
"A favor for a friend."
With the snow gone, you're in your spot, your old towel on the dewy grass with a book laid atop of it and the soil beneath your feet as you approach.
"Enjoy."
The hand vanishes from your own, leaving you alone on the side of the path. You look for him. But he's just an eidolon, watching you from the sky where you can't see him.
You warily take a seat and pick up the book.
˚➶ 。˚
They don't see you again through the week. And when the next Monday comes by, their sheets are removed while they're in the showers.
Hongjoong sighs from his place on the floor, for the tenth time in the past half hour.
"Hong-"
"I miss our omega!" He whines, cutting him off.
Seonghwa stands from his cot, slowly lowering to the floor next to their shared bars. He lays flat on his back, mirroring Hongjoong as he tilts his head to look at him. "Soon." Is the only word he utters.
He reaches through the silver bars, ignoring the sting as the fresh wolfsbane brushes his wrist, and takes his hand.
The both of them look up at the ceiling through the bars of their enclosure.
Your scent is long gone from the room, and their noses can barely pick up on it through the rest of the village and prison.
"I want out of here," Hongjoong whispers, so lowly that the guard can't hear him from outside of the door, "when are they coming? Your bond with them is stronger, I can barely feel them..."
"Soon." He repeats, "very soon, Joong."
˚➶ 。˚
Tuesday you manage to talk your coworker into sweeping the top floor, and you rejoice in the freedom of not being under the alpha's gazes. You've worked out a good schedule to completely avoid seeing them, and it's made your job feel like it's back to normal.
You can still smell their power wafting through the AC, but it's bearable. You distract yourself in your free time by making excuses to be on the second floor with Chungha and the other omegas.
Today, that excuse is 'omegas need physical outlets too', and the warden let you bring up buckets and brushes so you could all scrub the base boards.
"Oh, I've got one!" The omega to your left speaks, lifting his brush in the air in a eureka moment, "Texas Chainsaw Massacre or... Halloween?"
Chungha scoffs with a smile as she scrubs away to your right, "are we including sequels? There's like a billion!"
"No, stand alone original," Beomhan goes back to scrubbing as he continues, "both of them are classics but which one is a better classic?"
"Halloween is the classic slasher, Texas Chainsaw is like psychological horror," you chime in as you dip your brush into the bucket, sitting on your calves as you take a breather. "I think it's not fair to compare them... but Texas Chainsaw, definitely."
They laugh along with you, and Chungha shakes her head, "Halloween has more rewatchablity. You don't want to see Sally go through that more than once, but Laurie Strode fights harder and it's more like, yeah I'll watch her kick ass again."
"Cinematography in both is so beaut-"
The lights above you flicker before they shut down completely. People start muttering their concerns, quite a few of them looking your way. "Don't worry!" You hop up and get your keys from your pocket as you make your way to the locked stairwell. "I'll go and see what's going on, keep scrub-"
A loud siren echoes in the brick walls, shocking you all to cover your ears.
Everyone looks to you for answers, and you don't have any as your brain starts throwing theory after theory at you.
"It's okay, go back to your cells! Shut them behind you!"
They listened, however grumpy about it. The cell doors locked automatically when they were closed.
"Hey, what's going on?" Chungha asked over the clanging of the cell doors. The two of you, along with Beomhan, were the only ones left after a moment.
"Go back to your cell, Beomhan, hurry."
"No, what's happening?"
     The sirens cut off and leave you in a pregnant pause for a moment as you simply try to calm yourself.
A deafening scream ricochets through the air vent next to you, scaring you into their arms as you all stare at it.
Usually, the air flow covered the echoes throughout the floors. But with no power, you could hear everything- albeit muffled.
Yells and shouts. Gunshots. Growls. Unidentifiable chaos. And above all, your ears tuned in on a rumbling, calm voice through it all.
"Ain't no sunshine when she's gone... It's not warm when she's away..."
Your eyes widen as theres a bang at the stairwell door. "Go, go!" You grab each of their wrists, dragging them into Chungha's cell. You slam it behind you and let down the sheet she has over it, backing away and staring at it as you hear the door hit the wall behind it with the force it's slammed open.
"(Y/n), what the hells happening?!"
     You slap your hand over his mouth and bring a finger to your lips. The other omegas on the floor are all making a ruckus, and you can only hope that it will confuse that unfortunately familiar voice so he can't find you.
˚➶ 。˚
The beta in the large room ignores Hongjoong as he continuously asks after 'the pretty omega'.
He just sweeps and sweeps, finally understanding why you hate coming up here. He has his back turned to the cage, and consequently, to the windows.
High on the tall walls, the narrow glass is opened from the outside. Seonghwa smirks, and gestures his head to it. Hongjoongs gaze follows, and he has to slap a hand over his mouth so he doesn't laugh.
A skinny figure is sliding its way in through the window sideways.
He drops to the floor as silent as a mouse, landing on his knees and grinning wildly up at his alphas.
Hongjoong throws his head back in preemptive relief, while Seonghwa is watching with a similarly wide smile as the man walks straight through the blood ash, breaking the circle with the tip of his shoe.
The worker still has his back turned as the lock on Seonghwas cage is picked with a long claw. He doesn't even know what's happening as the next thing he knows, he's thrown across the floor.
      Blood ash knocks up around him, coughs wracking his body as he looks up to his assailant.
      Park Seonghwa, newly freed from his cage, looks down at the worker with his eyes glowing red.
     "Now usually..." He begins, crouching to be face to face with him, "I'd go through this whole place just for the fuck of it and cause some beautiful chaos. But I'm looking for someone."
     "(Y/n)?" He stutters out, backing away only to knock into Hongjoongs legs. Stuck between the two criminals, he chooses his own head over yours. "The second floor! Sh-she's on the second floor!"
     "Let's go get our omega, Joong."
      Nonchalantly, Hongjoong draws his claws and slices the neck of the worker. He hops over the gurgling body and follows his mate with an ecstatic giggle.
      He wraps his arm around the skinny man's shoulder, "Wooyoung! Our savior~" He ruffles his hair and laughs as he groans.
     "You guys know I've got your back. Seonghwa told me about your new omega, you seem excited," he mimics the alphas smile as the eldest of the trio opens the doors.
     The guard on duty, who happens to be Merle, looks back with wide eyes.
"Yes, oh yes!" His eyes roll to the back of his head, touching the stitches you made on his shirt. "Oh, you'll love her, she's a feisty omega just like you."
He makes a run for the fire alarm at the end of the hall, but Seonghwa is faster. The beta is tackled to the floor.
"I'm glad you both will have a buffer, tired of you always at each other's throats during ruts," Wooyoung laughs, looking down at the guard as they pass.
Seonghwa had simply torn out his throat with his bare hand and made his way to the elevator, holding it open with an impatient glare.
The door closes behind them and the only sound is Seonghwa's heavy breathing.
"You're real eager, huh?" The omega breaks the silence, "San should be coming in any second to block the main door. No one will get past him. The rest are in the village, just as we planned."
"Good, she'll need somewhere to rest before we take off....Fucking idiots, thinking they can cage us." He groans, eyes flicking to the number above the doors as it dings.
       3? "Fuck."
     The door opens and the woman on the other side takes a moment, nearly walking in before she notices the crimson liquid dripping from Segonhwa's hand.
      She makes it halfway through the hall before Hongjoong pounces on her, fighting her effortlessly as if she's a rag doll. The guards run to try and save her, but it's too late for the unfortunate woman, and they just signed their own death certificate as well.
       Seonghwa and Wooyoung make quick work of them, but their plan is already foiled as the lights flicker to a halt and leave them bathed in dim light of the setting sun in the few windows.
      The alphas fall to their knees as their sensitive ears are bombarded with a loud, incessant siren.
      "Wooyoung!" Hongjoong screams over it, "go turn that shit off!"
      He nods, taking the keys off a mauled guard and dashing to the stair well, leaving it unlocked behind him.
     Hongjoong crawls to Seonghwa, collapsing into his chest with his teeth clenched and palms over his ears. His ears were always more sensitive.
     His partner places his hands over his, thumb running over his own. He looks down with his eyes glowing red, meeting pure black.
He leans and kisses him deeply, all teeth and bloodlust, trying to merge their souls until the sirens cuts off.
Their foreheads rest together, ignoring the chaos of the beta's around them yelling to be released.
"Are you ready?" Seonghwa whispers, gathering another set of keys from the fallen workers. He throws it to one of the locked in prisoners, a smirk on his face. So much for not creating chaos.
"Let's go," Hongjoong holds the door to the staircase open and lets him go first with a dramatic bow.
It takes one scream to start the havoc. The entire prison is filled with the sickly sweet sounds of caged animals with a taste of freedom. Gunfire and howls bring a smile to Seonghwa's lips as he sings out,
"Ain't no sunshine when she's gone... it's not warm when she's away..."
He hums the song with a wide grin as Hongjoong kicks the door. It takes only one more kick before it slams open and bangs against the cement wall.
The omegas in their cells are all yelling at them, at one another, in general.
Hongjoong kicks one of the many buckets on the floor over and groans, "here I was thinking she'd make it easy. I guess we'll have to go cell to cell!" A small spike of a heartbeat in his ears makes him smirk, following the sound that he memorized the first time he'd heard it.
Seonghwa follows him, immediately zeroing in on the same cell. He comes to stand infront of it, his breath making the blanket behind the bars sway slightly.
You see both pairs of orange slip on shoes and you feel your heart stop in your chest.
You cower further into the corner with Beomhan as Chungha stands in front of you. The sheet is grabbed from the outside and ripped away, making you all shriek.
"Were you playing hide and seek?" Hongjoong giggles, throwing the blanket to the side with his eyes never leaving you, a scowl growing on his features as he notices the way you're curling into another wolf. "You should know better than to hide from your alphas. Come on out."
You shake your head, gaze lowered as you hold onto the back of Chungha's uniform.
"(Y/n)," the saturnine man speaks, "come here."
"No, leave us alone! Leave me alone," your voice cracks despite how strong you want to appear.
"If I have to drag you out of here I will be very angry. Just come on, do us all a solid."
"No-"
"Open the fucking door!"
"No!"
The cells were built to hold lycans, which means lycans shouldn't be able to get in... right?
"Fucking-" Seonghwa hits the bars, leaving a dent and making the three of you jump.
Hongjoong leans on his tiptoes and whispers into his ear, and whatever he says makes his eyes begin glowing a murderous red.
He slowly wraps his clawed fingers around the bars, and the way Hongjoong backs up makes your stomach churn in anxiety of what's about to come.
And it was warranted anxiety.
With a loud growl and a single tug, he rips the silver bars from their cemented place in the wall, causing a large crack to form.
"Holy shit!" Beomhan screams, arms wrapping around you tightly.
Chungha is ripped from the small room and tossed all the way across the room, back colliding with the wall and leaving her unconscious.
You yelp as Beomhan meets a similar fate, torn from your grasp and out into the rec room like he's a mere bag of trash. You see Hongjoong approaching him with his long black claws out and proud, but your vision is blocked by the large alpha infront of you.
     Your hips back into Chungha's small desk, and your hands clamber around, landing on something small and solid.
     You swing it at his head and he ducks, grabbing your wrist and dragging you out of the small cell. You manage to swing again, making contact with his head. The small ceramic bowl shatters into pieces and leaves him only temporarily stunned, glaring down at you.
      "Fucking stop," he growls quietly, shoving you to the floor.
       He lets you shuffle away, only because Hongjoong is right behind you.
     The blonde chuckles, pulling you back up by your collar and crashing you face first into one of the round steel tables bolted into the floor. "Ow!" You yell out as your head makes contact, fighting against him with all your might, but it's fruitless.
     He kicks your feet apart and stands between them, leaning his chest over your back. You can feel his nose against your neck, over the healed skin above your scent blocker. You snap your eyes shut and do the only thing you can thing of.
     You can't fight. Begging to these men would be useless. You can't disappear into the floor like you wish you could.
     "Please, Selene," you pray to the moon, tears slipping past your shut eyes as you feel the claws of the mad man on your neck.
       You cry out as the other worldly sharp nails slice into your neck, slowly and almost surgically. His other hand is cupped on the back of your head, keeping your head pushed into the cold metal. "Shhhh," he gushes above you, "it's okay."
      Seonghwa sits at one of the bolted stools and rests his head to mimic yours, cheek on the table. "We'd've been more gentle if you listened, omega."
       Between the tips of his claws, Hongjoong holds your small alloy scent blocker. Almost instantaneously, your natural scent floods their senses.
     Their deep rumbles of pleasure make you snap your eyes back shut, missing the way Hongjoong stomps on the device.
     "Fuck," the wolf behind you curses, body pressed close to yours like he wants to fuse together, he places his hands in yours and tells you, "you might want to squeeze."
    "Wh- ah!" Your scream echoes over all of the other chaos as his teeth sink into your left shoulder, and you do just that. Your clawed hands squeeze around his, sharp nails knocking together as you hold on like his hands are the only thing keeping you from slipping to the underworld.
       It feels like a million pins and needles washing over you, leaving you paralyzed in place as he purrs into the wound, making your bones vibrate.
     A warm, comforting hand on your cheek makes you force your eyes open. Seonghwa smiles sweetly, like he isn't witnessing one of the biggest crimes in the lycan community.
      Forcing someone to be your mate for the rest of your mortal lives.
     "Breathe, omega," his words make you realize you're holding your breath, and you let it out as a sob. "That's it," he hums, rubbing his hand down your head with all the gentleness he's capable of.
        Hongjoong pulls away with a moan, resting his head between your shoulder blades as he catches his breath.
     Your wolf is already calling for her mate, howling in the back of your mind as you cry.
       "Don't worry, we'll take good care of you." Seonghwas words have little time to register in your adrenaline filled head as he turns your head the other way and climbs up on the table.
     It hits you when he moves your ruffled shirt away from your right shoulder. "No! No!" You find yourself with two million pins and needles in your body now, squeezing Hongjoongs hands all over again as Seonghwa sinks his teeth into you at an excruciatingly slow pace.
They're bigger, or maybe they only feel that way because your body is on fire. You sob freely, feet stomping pathetically to cope with the pain.
What little comfort you find in Hongjoong squeezing your hands back is washed away by the simple fact that it's him. That blood from his claws drips onto your skin.
It feels like a century later that the older alpha finally pulls away, a bellow of pleasure as he runs his thumb over the wound: making you jump.
"Your turn, omega."
The weight of their bodies is gone, but you can't bring yourself to move. Out of fear, maybe. Pain, perhaps.
"You know what happens to wolves who don't finish the bond." Hongjoong purrs teasingly, knowing full well that you will have to mark them back least you want to suffer at the hands of the moon herself.
A life with them was better than being turned inside out and left to the elements. Just barely.
You lift yourself on shaking arms and nearly fall as you turn. You would have if not for Hongjoong catching you. He lifts you back to the table much gentler, letting your legs dangle as you sit on the table top.
"Why... why me?"
"... Have you heard of Harry Talbot?"
"Harry Talbots a myth... what's he got to do with your fuck shit?"
"Harry Talbot was the first wolf that could smell his mate. He could tell just by her smell, they were meant to be." Hongjoong slots his way between your legs, smiling down at you with his bloody teeth, "her smell called to him. It wasn't just good. It wasn't a normal scent. It was...alluring."
You were growing dizzy, head spinning.
"Strong alphas can sniff out their true mate. And, baby, we're the strongest that there is."
You have to force yourself to swallow. Have to remember to breathe.
"Why? Because you're... alluring."
That's the last thing you can register before your world turns dark.
˚➶ 。˚ PART ONE END ˚➶ 。˚
814 notes · View notes
jae-bummer · 7 months
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Anytime, Sunshine
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Request: can i request a fic where you're secretly dating coups? and can it please be fluffy??
Pairing: Seventeen S.Coups x Reader
Genre: Fluff
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"Ehem."
Squeezing your eyes shut even tighter, you grumbled to yourself before flopping onto your stomach. Burying your face into the pillow, you let out a long exhale.
"Baby, I know you hear me."
"Hearing you and responding to what I'm hearing are two different things," you muttered, slowly lifting your head. Peeling open one eye, you glared at your sleep-worn boyfriend. How was it even possible for someone with that level of bedhead to look so attractive?
"Your alarm went off," Coups sighed, not even bothering to pick up that argument. "Multiple times."
"And yet, there I was," you said, plopping face down into the pillow again. "Still asleep."
"The last thing I want to do is kick you out of my bed," he continued, rubbing your lower back. "But-"
"But I need to get back on the couch," you complained. "Because I'm just your friend."
"Hey, hey," he huffed. "That wasn't my rule."
"I knoooow," you groaned. "It's mine."
Finally sitting up, you scrubbed at your eyes before looking moodily toward your boyfriend. "I'm the worst."
"You're not the worst," he smiled, cupping your cheeks with both of his hands. "I know you don't want to mess up the dynamic, but don't you think the guys would be happy to see us together? They'd still view you as a friend."
"When friends date friends in the friend group, something always gets messed up," you pouted. "I told you that when you asked me out."
"And then you told me again after we slept together," he gave a shit-eating grin this time. "Didn't stop you from doing it though."
"Choi Seungcheol," you gasped, pushing his wrists away from your face. "How very dare you."
"We're dating, Y/N," he sighed. "Why hide it from the people we love?"
"Cause it's going to make it weird," you argued, wiggling your arms on the word "weird" for emphasis. "They're not going to know how to act around us and-"
"I don't think you give them enough credit."
"I think you give them too much."
"Okay, that's valid," Coups chuckled. "I should probably know better, but it's getting harder keeping this a secret."
"Says you," you grumbled, struggling up and out of his bed. Wrapping yourself in a thick blanket, you began to waddle out of the room. "I'm obviously loving this arrangement."
.
"Yah!"
You were getting really tired of being woken up this morning.
Popping your head out from under the duvet you were using, you tried to focus your sleep-drunk eyes.
"I want to sit on the couch and eat breakfast," Seungkwan pouted with a small foot stomp. "All of the spots at the table are taken."
"Sit on the floor," you croaked, pulling the blanket up again.
"Y/N," he whined. "You're so mean to me and for what?"
Without bothering to uncover yourself again, you grumbled, "Bring me a waffle and I'll consider your demands."
"I got it," you could hear Coups laugh from the kitchen.
Worming your way out from your warm, little cocoon, you narrowed your eyes at Seungkwan who stuck his tongue out at you in response. Rolling your eyes, you pulled yourself to the corner of the couch, allowing room for him.
"I would say thank you, but I won't give you the satisfaction," he muttered, sinking into the cushion beside you.
Your mouth pressed into a thin line, trying to stay closed rather than say something that would hurt his feelings. Instead, you buried your toes beneath his thigh and relished in the newfound warmth.
"Here you go," Coups cooed, reappearing with a plate and coffee mug in hand.
Gratefully taking it from him, you tried to remind yourself, to the world, you were still just friends. "Thanks."
"Anytime, sunshine," he grinned, patting you lightly on the head.
You took a large bite of your waffle as you watched him saunter away. God, how was his back just as good looking as his front?
Looking down to your breakfast again, you almost didn't notice the side-eye Seungkwan gave you.
"What?"
"Nothing," he chirped, shaking his head with fake innocence.
"No, what?" you groaned, dropping your food to your plate.
"I just think," he began a little too calmly. "That you two would make a cute couple."
Ice shot through your veins. Surely, he hadn't picked up on anything from you and Seungcheol's interaction. He couldn't possibly know what was going on...
Could he?
Trying to stifle a surprised cough, you ground out, "What? Why? Coups? No!"
"Don't think you're fooling me, Y/N," Seungkwan hummed knowingly. You felt your heart skip a beat. There's no way he would call you out in front of everyone. Boo was dramatic, but he also had some level of common decency.
"Fooling you?" you asked, lifting your brows. "There's nothing to fool you about."
"Yeah, right!" he gasped. "You have the biggest crush on our leader!"
You tapped down on the panic that had been disseminating itself across your chest. He thought you had a crush on Coups. While not untrue, he hadn't figured out the bulk of the situation after all.
Letting out a sigh of relief you tried to mask as one of frustration, you shook your head. "It's not like that, Kwannie."
"I call bullshit," he said with a small shrug. "Your attention was glued to his ass as soon as he turned around."
"Whose attention was glued to my ass?"
Looking up with wide eyes, you were so wrapped up in Seungkwan's accusations, you hadn't noticed Coups appear in the doorway.
"Seungkwan's," you said quickly. "He was admiring your cake."
Rolling his eyes, Seungkwan laughed. "Y/N has a crush on you and it's so obvious that it causes me physical pain."
"Seungkwan," you hissed, teeth barred.
"Do they now?" Coups hummed, setting his own coffee cup on the table in front of the couch. Taking a spot on the rug in front of you, he quirked his brow. "Is that true?"
"What?" you muttered, looking rapidly between the two men. Why was your boyfriend (albeit secret) playing into this?
"Answer the question, Y/N," Seungkwan grinned, obviously enjoying himself.
"I, well, we-" you stammered.
"It's okay," Coups sighed, looking away from you dreamily. "I have a crush on you too."
You bit back a groan as Seungkwan sprung from the couch, pointing an accusatory finger at his member. "I knew it! You were making lovey eyes at each other from across the room at the restaurant last night."
"We were doing no such thing!" you gasped, attempting to salvage whatever small bit of privacy regarding your relationship that you could.
Looking over to Coups, you tried to ignore the outright mirth dancing across his face.
"Maybe I was," he hummed. "I just can't help it. You're so cute."
"Does this mean you two are going to date?" Seungkwan all but shouted, clutching his imaginary pearls. "Oh my god, did I just get you two together? I'm a love genius!"
"You are!" Coups smirked, completely playing into this whole charade. "I never would have had the courage to confess without you!"
"Remember that when my birthday comes around," Seungkwan oozed, pleased with himself. "I brought you two together. Where'd everyone go? I have to tell them immediately."
"Kwan-ah," you moaned, completely defeated. He was out of the room before you even had a moment to digest what was happening.
Turning slowly toward your boyfriend, you leveled him with the most serious death glare you could manage.
"Whoops," he grinned. "Looks like everyone found out after all."
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pinkchrissysposts · 28 days
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||☆•2 week affirmation challenge for beginners•☆||~(request)
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<Hey guy it's been quite while,I shifted for a whole month(which will be 2 days here in my CR) in Koizora DR,for a break from my CR,anyways from the result from today's votes,>
Firstly something we all struggle as beginner to manifest is,obsession,desperation,doubts, procrastation and methods. But guys don't worry it's just a normal phase everyone go through after knowing that we can HAVE ANYTHING we want,logical or illogical. But here me out you don't have to force yourself to get completely rid of those negative,because they are always gonna come up,what YOU have to do is be in control of those thoughts,which mean don't let those thoughts guide you to get in a state of lack. You are more power then that so,flip that shit and focus on the new thought or new story.
I get as someone new to law you will be confuse on what to do,or what to manifest,but the most common is thinking HOW. How do I start,"how do I manifest it into my life?","how is it even possible,will it work for me?". It definitely will you've been manifesting your whole life,but since you are new that's why you're finding it hard to manifest. But let me tell you it's simple,if you are not able to embody state,use SATS,being etc.
So here is the routine you have to follow for the next 2 weeks.
🥗. Create a Pinterest vision board look at it,everytime you feel like you need external validation,or motivation.
🥗. Start your day with affirmations,and use this subliminal and loop it as you affirm. Use the sub atleast 1 hour or more while doing your morning routine and robotically affirming.
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🥗. Now robotically affirm as you go on with your day. You can talk with others don't have to shut the world out as Sammy said. Or you can do 30 minutes affirmation 1 hour rest session.
🥗. On free time use this morphic field and continue affirming for atleat 30 minutes headphones are not needed foe morphic field so no need to use one since Sapien recommended himself. Also do atleast a proper 1-2 hour saturation session,you can also do other activities.
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🥗. OK you have come so far don't give up take some breaks in between.
🥗. At night use these two subs by SLADE,and fall asleep as you affirm. You can loop is overnight too but it's upto you how long you want to use it.
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🍋‍🟩That's it so let's see in brief.
★. Affirm as you wake up with the subliminal above.
★. Affirm for 30 minutes and take 1 hour rest or do robotic affirming the whole day.
★. On your free time use morphic field and do a proper saturation session of 1-2 hour.
★. As you fall asleep use two subs and loop it as you affirm to sleep.
Also you don't have to worry about all the emotions you feel,you wanna cry then cry,feeling guilty it's fine,feeling desperate it's fine. Let the emotions pass,people have affirmed while crying,to the point they throw up(me💀) with desperatation,you can obsess over your desires it'snot a big crime. But the biggest crime is not persisting and checking 3D also procrastinating. Also don't get discourage if 3d shows you something you don't like affirm against it because you are more powerfull then those thoughts.
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finnslay · 7 months
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"Don't shove it down our throats"
"Protect the kids, keep this away from them"
No. Stop.
We need to keep showing it
We need to let people that they are seen.
We need to show these kids. Kids. That they have someone.
Why?
Because queer youth are 4 times more likely to commit suicide than their peers
Because 45 percent or queer youth have considered suicide within the last year
Because a young queer person attempts suicide every 45 seconds
Because having just one supportive adult reduscing the risk of suicide in queer teens by 40 percent
If you want to protect the kids, save our fucking lives
Instead of saying to stop shoving it down your throats
Take the pills out of our throats
Take the noose off our necks
Take the blades and guns out of our hands
And let them out their hands there instead
So they can hold us and help us
And listen an let us know
Hey. I see you. I hear you. Your feelings are valid. And you are loved
If you care about the children then let us be seen and heard...
At this point I'm scared for my life... If I didn't have a support adult that had that sign on their door at school and wore that pin I would be dead
That sign. That pin. They don't hurt the straight cis kids. They don't cause harm. They don't get affected by them. But it saved my life...
So please. Stop saying stuff like that.
To other queer kids, please. Here me. You are loved. You will be accepted one day. My messages are open. You deserve to be alive. You're not broken. You're not a fuck up. You are a person just like me and all those other 8 billion on this planet. You are worth so much more than what theyve said. I love you so so so so so much. This world is better with you here. It's better with you and your personality because you're unique. We need people who are different. I love you. I'm here if you need anything at all. And I'm so proud of you...
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weebsinstash · 4 days
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I want yandere Alastor being the biggest fucking hypocrite on the block and getting painfully humbled by reality so fucking bad you don't understand
I want a story where you stumble into becoming his friend with benefits, become the person who gets him interested in sex as a physical activity, and then one day you ask him "hey, what are we?" And his response being ABSOLUTELY RUDE AS HELL, albeit unintentionally, and you immediately cut him off from sex because his reply was basically the equivalent of "you're fun to sleep with, but the rest of you? No :)" (and also maybe he didn't even fully mean it, maybe he only partially meant it but he can tell he's forming some kind of new emotion for you and he doesn't want that to become a point of weakness for him so he's pushing you away but once you're actually gone he wants you back more than ANYTHING--)
I want yandere Alastor who laughs in your face if you nervously ask him if you're his girlfriend or something but then when you show up around town with another man less than a week later and he sees how easily you REPLACED HIM, he's just absolutely losing his mind. What do you MEAN you were still sleeping with other men this whole time?!?! The Radio Demon was getting SLOPPY SECONDS??? WHY would you let these-these disgusting bastards DEGRADE YOU-- meanwhile you and him could've been having like hardcore bdsm sex with actual degradation or some semi respectful form of it and he's STILL over here "B B BUT THESE MEN PROBABLY DONT EVEN RESPECT YOU--" and neither did you, you laughed in my fucking face you bitch!!!
yandere Alastor just having to sit and have a fulllll glass of whiskey and ruminate on his thoughts as he tries to come to terms with these sudden EXTREMELY POSSESSIVE feelings and urges he has. What do you MEAN he wasn't providing anything for you that you couldn't get somewhere else AND BETTER AND ALREADY HAVE BEEN? what do you MEAN you're making gifts for and going out and having actual fun dates with some of these men? What do you fucking MEAN YOU'RE 'ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE ELSE NOW' AND WOULDN'T SLEEP WITH ALASTOR EVEN IF HE APOLOGIZED BECAUSE YOU REALLY LIKE THIS GUY--
Alastor hardcore coping, trying not to think about you at all, telling himself he just needs time and this'll all blow over and he wont even think about you anymore, and eventually finds his feet carrying him to your favorite jazz club that he would take you to, AND YOU'RE ALREADY THERE WITH ANOTHER MAN. Now THIS is what causes Alastor to finally have a public episode. No, some RANDO can't come with you HERE, this is YOUR place, OUR place, it's special, it's for Alastor and you ONLY!! basically turns him into a little kid stomping his foot going no no no that's MINE!!!
This narcissistic ass man really ain't shit, over here responding to your actually extremely valid question of "what are we?" because you were actually trying to respectfully ask him if there were any certain boundaries or if you were now exclusive, and he hits you with some deflective dehumanizing diversion like "what makes you think I would have THOSE kinds of feelings about YOU?" until he's painfully aware you're sleeping with another man, kissing another man, making hot meals for another man, holding his hand tenderly as you take a leisurely stroll, GOD FORBID HE CATCHES WIND OF ANY MARRIAGE TALK, HE WILL FUCKING L O S E IT
Juat the idea of him being so close to having what he wants - your body, heart, AND mind- and he fucks it up big time and ruins your relationship and self esteem so badly. He tries to pretend that he doesn't need your attention and/or affection but the second he doesn't have EITHER, he's a jealous mess trying to literally one-up whomever you're with, show off, impress you, usually digging his hole even deeper. Alastor becoming more unpredictable over time, literally losing sleep over you, absolutely CONVINCED 500% that all of these, shall we say, "more modern men" that you're choosing are not even worth the dirt in the treads of your shoes.
Just twirling my hair kicking my feet thinking bout yandere Alastor, becoming dead-set on genuinely and fully believing he has to save you not just from these men, but also yourself. Oh honey, he's so sorry, CLEARLY this is his fault for not watching over you better. He already knew you were... delicate and naive, but here you are, running around letting these men treat you like some kind of object just because you need what you perceive as acceptance and validation. It almost breaks his heart, truly, but don't worry darlin'! He's a southern gentleman and, SURELY he can turn up the charm and make it clear to you that you MISUNDERSTOOD HIM, right? :) You're going to GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE, right? :)
genuinely, i feel like this man is more likely to try and gaslight you into believing you completely misinterpreted what he said instead of just apologizing let alone ADMITTING that he himself didn't communicate jack shit about shit, wasn't honest or up front about his feelings, and may have even be intentionally cruel to you in a moment of weakness to try and keep his own insecurities at bay, but then is fully capable of convincing, some may even say BRAINWASHING you into believing, oh sweetie, if these DEGENERATE DELIQUENTS somehow convinced you that your best friend and future husband is somehow your enemy, then, CLEARLY he hasn't been keeping you close enough to properly care for you and help you keep a clear head, has he? guess it's a good thing both of you are Sinners and he has NOTHING but time to show you EXACTLY what his intentions are. So, dear doe, which do you like the sound of more: a spring wedding, or a summer wedding, or maaaaaybe you two could even get hitched during some lovely acid rain so your new spouse can demonically laugh at all your screaming "gentleman callers" captive in the wedding audience who "accidentally" weren't put under any gazebos or any sort of protection while being forced to watch Alastor take you away--
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shysuccubusstuff · 1 month
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itto's special days:
Content: Female reader (so female anatomy), size kink, heat, breeding kink.
Note: I'm still trying to learn how to write more gender neutral stuff but I always end up making it so difficult to imagine any other thing :(( I'm sorry for those that do not read this type of content! This is kinda messy, so any suggestions are abs valid! This is not revised so there may be grammar issues or simiar stuff :(
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Itto is always so naive and innocent that it is no surprise that when you finally get enough courage to ask him out, he doesn't even think about it, quickly saying yes to your confession despite the surprised looks of the gang.
The first days are just the same as before you and him were partners, running around Inazuma having fun while avoiding that Itto got in trouble in any type of way. At first it was fun, at least you didn't have to endure that ankward phase during the first period of time when the couple has recently begin, but you desired for both of you to get some alone time, so you finally decided to talk it with the rest of the gang (except itto), they all quickly agreed, even apologizing for not being able to read the room, so they decided to give you a few days for you to spend time with him.
The next morning you woke up, losing no time to get to itto's home, he was still slept when you arrived, so you entered, he was still laying in bed, sheets tangled around his legs and body, mouth slightly open and messy hair pointing all directions. You let a small laugh out, he looked so cute and goofy at the same time, as if he had heared you, his body suddenly moved, the sheets allowing you to see his whole chest exposed, his muscles flexing as he moved, why was it getting kind of...perverted?
You decided to leave him be, going to buy a few ingredients to make him something to eat as some kind of loving act, but when you arrived everything went downhill...
Itto was in his bed still, but now he was completely awaken, body sweating buckets, hair sticking to his body, the sheets were laying on the floor and itto kept on moving in his bed, you quickly left the ingredients and sat close to him, putting your hands on his forehead, his temperature was so high that it was almost scary.
"Hey Itto, are you ok?" You asked, your voice a little shacky from the tense moment, he slowly turned, eyes foggy and dilatated pupils.
"Hey... oh uhm... yeah, just kinda... sick? I think I caugh something last night after throwing myself into the sea... not a good idea, I should have listened to you all" He chuckled a little, trying to turn around in the bed, the sheets were still tangled around his body, so he was unable to completely move. You got close to him, helping him to move around and acommodating the sheets so he had no trouble moving. He smiled softly, not talking as much as he did the rest of days.
"Compadre, you should not come here, it would be real bad if you got sick you know? I'm a strong oni, so of course I have no issue with some little cold--" Just as he said that, he almost faded, eyes completely unfocused and a lost expression.
"Itto, you're definitly not good by yourself, just wait a moment, I'll go buy some medicine!" You were about to leave the room, but he quickly grabbed you, his hand feeling extremely hot, his grip was strong, but he quickly weakened it as soon as he realized how much pressure he had made on your small wrist (at least compared to her big hand).
"Could you...stay with me? I mean, I think I'm feeling a lil' better since you came..." Itto's eyes looked almost like the ones of a puppy, big and teary eyes, you were perhaps way too enchanted with him to realize how Itto's marks (the ones that surrounded all of his body) were starting to get... larger? Their colour was changing to a darker tone of red, even his horns were a little bigger than usual. You allowed him to push you closer to him, perhaps way too close for what you were used to be. He let you stay there, maybe too far from him as he would like, but he was not as sick as to not realize how tense you were. So he tried to hide it, his raging erection hurting a little under the sheets, almost making him cry everytime his member made any type of contact against the fabric. He tried to hard to control himself, you had started to go out not long time ago, so of course he couldn't just jump on top of you, taking you right there and now! That was until you decided to get (way too) close to him, your hand caressing his forehead, your other hand supporting yourself on his chest, the clothes that you were wearing allowed him to catch a small glimpse of your chest, his mind getting even more foggy just from imagining how he wanted to take you from the hips and kiss that beautiful skin that was making him lose the little sanity he had left. So he just did, he suddenly moved, his big hands surrounding your hips, he took your whole body as if you were made of the lightest material and put you on top of him, his erection pushing against your butt, his hand running against your clothing.
"Hey... I'm so sorry baby, I... I think my uh... my oni nature is kind of awaking?... Grandma told me a little about it but I never paid too much attention cause... you know, I'm the great Itto, of course I was not going to fall for some dumb inherent thing, you know?... My...my mind is so dizzy right now, it's just like that time when the gang tried to celebrate by drinking so much sake..." He tried to speak, his words sometimes mumbled rather than spoken. You tried to pay attention to his words, you really tried, but the feeling of both his member against your lower half and how there was a lingering sweet smell surrounding the air made it so difficult, you were also starting to feel light-headed.
"Do you...do you think you can help me, baby? Please...I'll promise I'll control it better next time, but my...thing is hurting so bad, will you help me please? Pretty please, I'm sure your cute little womb can help me, yeah?" His fangs were bigger, somehow resembling more the ones that onis tended to have in paintings. You silently nodded, your body was in flames and your head was not that able to make cohesive sentences. Just as soon as he saw you nod, he quickly got on top of you, uncovering his completely naked body, his muscles were shiny from the sweat that was running down his whole body, he lost no time, his hands pulling from your clothes and somehow breaking all the clothes that were getting in the way of what he wanted so badly. There you were, under him, your body was completely naked, you tried to hide it a little, kind of ashamed as it was the first time that he had seen you completely naked, but he quickly took your hands, putting each on the sides of your head and kissing your lips, you were able to feel his raging erection on your stomach.
"I'm sorry... I don't think I'll be able to keep it any longer, but I promise it won't hurt, the oni heat is able to cause some kind of fake heat on normal humans..." Despite the whole situation, Itto was still as innocent as always, always caring about the people he loved and trying to avoid hurting them as much as possible. He positioned his length and slowly inserted, letting a deep groan when he finally put his whole thing inside of you, he was making you feel stuffed, almost making you cry from the overstimulation.
Without losing any more time, he took your body, letting your legs be wrapped around his torso and moving his hips as if he was only able to chase his own release, the whole bedroom was surrounded with dirty sounds, from moans to slaps that formed from the contact of your bodies. Your slick allowed him to move as fast as he wanted, his hands still intertwined with yours, his mind was completly lost at that point, only being able to hear small beggings and pleas from him "Baby... i love you so much... i love you i love you... let me fill you up... let me get that pretty pussy filled with my seed... i'll be such a good father... god, you're taking me so good... i'm sorry i'm sorry... i'm being so rough with you... but I don't think I would be able to stop even if I wanted..." You were able to feel how his member started to twitch, so you knew he was close to releasing himself, he suddenly moved you, he was still on top of you but you were somehow able to see his whole chest and face on top of you, your brain had turned into mush by the moment you were able to hear Itto babble something "Gonna cum, gonna make you a mommy... God you're so pretty... so pretty baby..." Just as soon as you felt his seed filling your womb, he kissed your neck, leaving bitting marks all over it and then kissing your lips, your body becoming limp as soon as he filled you, almost feeling as if your tummy had also been filled.
Just as you were about to fall asleep, he took you in between his arms, your bodies still sticky from all the "exercise" you both had done. "I uh...kinda went overboard there... I swear that as soon as I gain some strength in my legs i'll go running to get you something... I'm sorry for being so rough baby... My mind kind of... blacked out?" He peppered some kisses all over your face, cleaning some of the salive that fell from your lips during the whole thing. He put you on top of his chest, being able to hear his rapid heartbeat against your ear, making you quickly doze off.
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cozygold · 2 months
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Mystery of Lilia's ring
Pt.I Pt.II
Lilia x reader
Warnings: angst/fluff, fem reader, general Lilia, possible spoilers for book 7, young Lilia and Sebek clutching their pearls because woman
Intro: Lilia wears a wedding ring under his gloves. However when asked he doges the question or makes up some silly excuse
Malleus is aware that he had wife. Lilia confirmed it a while ago but did not elborate further
It was only during the Malleus overblot incident that Diasnomia family found out about her and who she was
Tags: @koneko-dreams
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"Hey! Rehabilitanion is necessery if you want to be able to move that leg not just drag it around"
(it takes place after Malleus have put everyone to sleep Silver/Sebek/Yuu watch Lilia dream play in front of them like movie)
"AUGH! HUMAN! I'm starting to doubt your validity as medic and suspecting you to be a professional torturer!"
Its been 2 months since Lilia was saved by a strange human. After agreeing to cooprate more his condition was quickly improving.
Most of the injuries healed however more serious ones still needed to be checked once a few days
(y/n) worked hard to help him recover feeling the pressure of time on her shoulders. It was only a matter of time as his soldiers come looking for him
Being gone for so long and finding him with a human will only cause trouble. They both knew that
"We have to get that leg moving"
"Aren't you doing that already?"
"Well, kind of. Its more of a warm up for you to stand on your own"
(y/n) backed away from the bed, examing him for a minute. She reached out her hands towards him
"Take my hand, try to stand up"
His eyes drifted between her and her palm, scowl making its way on his face. He ignored her hand, pushing himself of the bed with his own strenght
"I don't need your assistance with something as trivial as-"
His sentance was cut short when his legs gave up under his weight
"Lilia!"
(y/n) jumped forward, catching him in her arms
"I thought we went over this already! Quit-. Wait you're actually pretty light. That's great news! That armour of your made you waaay heavier!"
She rambled on as if unaware of the situation. Lilia was the opposite. His face was red, his pride hurt and head snuggled against human's chest
He sat there frozen. This warmth was comforting. He could stay here a bit-... No. What the hell is thinking! As if burned he tried to wiggle away from her grasp
"Unhand me, human temptress! What are trying to do?"
"Temptress? Well i'm flattered but you're the one who's fallen into my arms because of your arrogance. If you listined for once we wouldnt be in this situation in the first place"
Suddenly (y/n) felt a light bub light up over her head
"Lilia! If we're already in this position lets take advantage of it!"
She grabbed his hands placing them on her waist. The bat fae gave her look of utter shock and mild disgust
"I knew it! Shameless woman! Let go!"
"You're the one making this weird. I was just about to suggest a dance"
"A dance? Why-"
"Oh just let me finish. It clear that you're unable to stand alone. During the dance you can hold onto me while i guide you through the steps.
I will need you try to keep up with the rythm the best you can. This way i can monitor how well you're able to move"
Lilia hesitated. Dancing is something intimate to bat fae but she probably didn't mean anything by it. His recovery was going smoothly thanks to her care. There should be no harm to just go play along with it, right?
"...Fine"
"Great! Hold on me tight and follow my steps"
He gripped her waist tighter while she held his shoulders. She started softly singing to give him some music to dance to
There's a fire in my brain, and I'm burning up
Oh my, oh my
Keep running for the sink, but the well is dry
Oh my, oh my
Meanwhile Sebek, Silver and Yuu observing the dream
"I know this song! I think i caught father singing it a few times but he stopped as soon as he saw me"
"I heard Lilia singing it too while he walked around Ramshackle. It was a first time i saw him so...sad"
Silver and Yuu train of thoughts was broken by Sebek
"Master Lilia was right! What this woman is doing is completly inappropriate! Does she even know what action mean to bat fae?"
"She mentioned it was her first time treating a fae so she's probably not very in touch with their culture"
"Huh? What are you guys talking about"
Right. Yuu's a human too. They probably don't know the implications either
"For bat fae dancing and singing is a courting ritual. Father accpeting the dance offer pretty much agreed to be courted"
Yuu stared a them with wide eyes
"Hah! This human should feel honored"
Back to the dream
Its month of (y/n)s and Lilias daily dance sessions. The fae was now able to walk properly and felt as good as new. (Y/n) was amazed at his quick recovery, finally deciding to "discharge" him
And today was the day he finally left the cottage. He watched as (y/n) ran around the house like a chicken with its head cut off, gathering all the things she was going to give him on his trip back to the castle
"Here's your medicine! Remember to take it 2 times a day! Before breakfest and after dinner! If you fell like your leg is acting there's some pain meds in this pouch"
"(y/n)..."
"There's some food i prepared for journey. I made sure that it won't spoil for a long while. However just in case-"
"Oi, (y/n)!"
"Your clothes, spare bandages are in the green bag! You should be able to attach this water bottle to your belt but if you lose it there-"
Lilia grabbed her shoulder cutting her off and making her look at him in suprise. It was a first time he initiated any touch
"Did you just call me by my actual name?"
Lilia sighed ignoring her question
"I will be okay. Don't worry i will make sure your afforts won't be wasted"
(y/n) took a deep breath calming her rapid heartbeat
"Okay. Just remember. If you ever need a check up, you can count one me. I will try to fix this cottage up so you'll know where to find me"
She smiled walking him to the front door. It was dark outside. Lilia insisted that on going out late at night to decrease the risk of running into humans
"Human"
He turned his head towards you
"Despite my mistrust, i am indebted to you. If you need any favors just ask"
(y/n) huffed
"I already explained that i'm just doing my duty. I don't have anything to ask of you"
"I insist"
"But-"
"I insist"
"Ugh-fine then!"
Her cheeks flushed red while she thought about the right words to use for the request
"C-can we spend some time together sometimes? Not like patient and a doctor anymore but like....friends?"
Lilia looked at her with wide eyes. This was the last thing he was expecting. Human asking a fae war general to be their friend? To think he live enough to hear such a thing
He burst out laughing
Its been years since he laughted so genuinely. This preposterous request and this whole situation now looked like big joke
"REALLY?! When i tell you what i want you just laugh at me?! You know what forg-"
"Fine"
"Huh"
"I will see you again, human. You're amusing and proven to pose no threat"
Lilia leaned closer to her face, smirking
"Make sure to keep yourself alive untill i come back"
Another month gone by
(y/n) spent it travelling around possible battle scenes, looking for any victims that might need assistance.
She tried to fix up the cottage as well as she could with her limited recources. It still looked ran down but at least it wasn't leaking anymore. And it actually sheilded her from wind. Mostly
It was a peacefull spring evening. Its a busy season for her. Many herbs bloom and grow only during that time
She spent her whole day roaming around the forest gathering them. The sun slowly dissapearing behind horizon, its rays coating the forest in warm glow
As beautiful as it was she knew that she has to hurry home. During the night time fae were the most active
She heard rustling of bushes behind her. A shiver went up her spine. She slowly turned around
There was nothing there
She let out a nervous giggle
"Haha, i'm must be getting paranoid"
"Good evening, human"
A voice spoke next to her. She let out a yelp and jumped back. Just about when she was about to throw a rock at the offender she reconized the pair of familiar red eyes
Now hanging upside down from the tree
"HAVE YOU GONE MAD?! I WAS ABOUT TO BASH YOUR BRAINS IN WITH THAT ROCK?!"
"That pebble and your twig arms would have done nothing to me"
"Why you-"
She was about to berate him futher before she noticed. His legs were hooked around the branch
"For you to hang like this... It means your leg is doing great"
"Of course it is. I'm not as weak as your mortal brethren"
"Same as always, i see. I'm glad to have you kept your word. Come on, come on! I will brew us something delicous and nutritious"
As soon as they reached the house (y/n) got to work. Lilia shifted uncomfortably. He didn't know the exact reason but he felt nervous. Its been a while since he just hanged out with someone outside his work
"I-its umm. Looks like you did some renovations. I don't feel as much wind on my back as i used when i first stayed here"
"I'm glad you noticed! I was tired of being woken up by droplets of water dripping on my forhead. But its still not completly cold or wind proofed. I'm lucky its spring otherwise i would be freezing to death here"
She giggled making a joke of situation. Do all humans treat their fragility with such humor. For some reason he didnt find it as funny as she did.
"We talked enough about me when we met. What about you Lilia? How have you been doing?"
"The queen seemed to buy my lie about escaping after being caught by a opposing army. There should not be any more issues"
"That's great! What about the Maleanora? You seemed worried about her"
Lilia crossed his arms leaning against the chair
"I was. She is reckless and has quite the temper. I know she can handle herself very well but at the time you found me, she was carring her egg"
"Egg?"
The bat groaned, annoyed at her ignorance
"How you can stay so deep in Briar Valley's territory, yet know nothing about the royal family?"
She shrugged
"I try to keep a low profile. Information about Draconias is of no use for me"
"Let me help you be a little less ignorant then. The draconias are dragon faes meaning they hatch from eggs. The Princess recently had hers"
"Oh that wonderful news for the faes right? Their royal family is going to have heir"
"It may be but that's also more work for me. The Princess is easier to anger than ever"
She giggled, stirring the stew boiling in the pot
"Are you prehaps not good with dealing with woman? This way you're going stay unwed forever"
"I was not planing on having a family anyways. I'm way to busy and find children crying unbearable"
"Haha, i'm not the least suprised you feel that way"
"What about you? Are you not afraid that you're going to rot into forest moss before you find someone you can marry? You seem to hardly ever leave this forest"
"Hey! I found you so theres still hope right?"
Lilia felt his cheeks burn, he quickly avoided her gaze
"Me? As if! Fae and human marriage will never be officiated"
"I just meant that if i found you in this forest, it means there's a chance i can find another. You're interpreting my words wrong~"
She took up the opportunity to tease him. Enjoying the sight of scary general stumbling on his words
"You're the one making everything suggestive! I swear you play innocent but its all on purpose!"
"Oh the food is done"
Her attention shifted the stew. She took a big spoon, pouring them both a portion.
"Eat up~"
" ... thank you"
Lilia mubled and took a sip of stew. Taste of fresh mushrooms, potatoes and meat floading his mouth. Human cooking was diffrent from faes.
But it wasn't bad. Comforting. Not just the food but her presence. As much as he hated to admit it, she completly made him lower his guard
He felt like shedding his armor to bask in her presence like a cat in the sun. He knew its all temporary. The longer he will stay the more anguish it will bring him in the future
He knows it
He should turn back while he still can. Run away before the flame envelops him completly
But he didnt
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histarean · 9 months
Text
barracks bunny
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könig x fem reader
summ: you're known as the barracks bunny while you and könig are dating
word count: 1.8k
content/warnings: angst, comfort
a/n: i love könig and writing angst so why not combine them? this is my first cod "fic" so i'm pretty excited! i know my account has been primarily aot but i hope this reaches the cod fandom. love you all
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Rumors spread fast in the military. Everyone on the base knew that, especially you. 
König and you had been together for a while now and while all the guys knew you were his, there were still whispers floating around. Whispers soon turned to stares, stares to quiet laughing and eventually, the whole base knew you as the barracks bunny. 
Now, König’s not stupid, of course he heard what the other cadets were saying and to say he was not happy was an understatement. He knew he had to do something but with three warnings racked up (for beating up other soldiers who were talking shit about you) he couldn’t just fight everyone on the entire base. The next best option was to confront you about it.
His footsteps down the hall sounded like thunder and his breathing was lightning. Each step he took was filled with anger and everyone he passed could hear it. How could these people say those things about his schatz? 
“You know she’s slept with half of us already?”
“She’s such a slut”
“I wonder if I’ve ever got a chance with her”
It's so cruel. His precious lover being reduced to a “slut” a “whore” a “barracks bunny” it was all too much. König was trained to keep cool during battle, to withstand weeks of torture, to take stabs to the chest and bullets in the leg but this? No. This was unacceptable. 
He’s closer to your room now. Closer to finding out the truth and his thoughts are racing. What if it is true? Has this whole relationship been a sham? Rumors don't come from nowhere, there has to be some validity behind it. He hopes it’s not true. He really, really does because what would be left for him without you? What would he be fighting for? 
König stands outside your door. Just standing. His hand is on the doorknob but he can’t bring himself to open it. He can hear you laughing on the other side with someone else. So it was true. König could feel his heart break and shatter into a million pieces. The already faint talking started sounding like gibberish as he slowly let his hand fall from the door to his side. It felt like time had stopped and everything around him faded away into oblivion. Maybe he had been there for 30 seconds, a minute, 5 minutes, who could say. Nothing mattered anymore. 
Thoughts of leaving KorTac crossed his mind since..what was left for him here? You had lied to him. You promised it was all a joke and nothing happened. That you were his one and only. 
The trance was suddenly broken when the door opened and a hand pressed against his chest. 
“König, what are you doing?” your familiar voice brought him to his senses. 
He couldn’t look you in the eyes. His head bowed, eyes settling on the ground. 
You tried shaking his arm but he barely budged. 
So tense, you thought. 
“Hey talk to me big guy” you brought your fingers to his chin lifting his head. It’s a reach. “Please” 
König let you lift his head but averted his gaze to the room in front of him. It was Ghost. 
Ghost was the one in your room. Why him of all people? 
“You lied to me” , his accent thick. 
He felt betrayed. His only love had gone behind his back and stabbed him in the heart. This hurt more than any wound he’d ever had. Bullet holes were nothing compared to this. No knife could cut deep enough to produce the same pain he was feeling. 
“When were you going to tell me? That there were others in your life” he struggled to get the words out of his mouth. 
“What are you talking about?” you were audibly confused. “Is this about those rumors you’ve heard? I told you they were all fake” 
König mustered up the courage to look you in the face. You were so beautiful. Even though he was angry, he couldn’t get enough of you. He could look at you forever if he wanted. Your eyes seemed to suck him in like a black hole. Once you’re in, you can’t get back out. No matter how hard you try. No matter how hard he tried. 
But past all that, he couldn’t find a hint of deception in your face. You looked genuinely lost. 
“Why is Ghost in your room?” König glanced up to him. 
Ghost wasn’t doing anything. Not hurriedly pulling up his pants, not putting his shirt back on, nothing that would point to them being interrupted. He was calmly sitting on a chair, observing a rifle. Fully clothed, mask and all. You, on the other hand, were still dressed in cargo pants and a creme tank top that hugged your chest. So what the hell were you two doing? 
“He was showing me how to load ammo more efficiently” you turned back to Ghost, he was completely unbothered. Not even looking up.  
Everyone knew you had a hard time loading ammo quickly and were often stuck using knives and other weapons in place of guns. Price was even close to discharging you because of this.
Lovers quarrel, he thought. It was a ridiculous argument and Ghost wanted no part of it. He got up to leave, tossing your AUG on the bed. He casually walked out, ignoring a stare from König that could burn cities. 
“Good luck” he whispered to you, passing the door and disappearing into the hallway. 
Now you are alone. With König. This would usually be ideal but now it was scary. You know he would never ever lay a hand on you but maybe it was different this time? You hadn’t done anything but he didn’t know that. All he knew was another man was in your room while he wasn’t. This would make anyone angry. The whole situation was just a huge misunderstanding. 
“I don’t want to have this conversation in the doorway. Can you please come in?” you reached for his arm but he pulled away before you could touch him.
You were dirty to him. Tainted. He was aware you weren’t a virgin before you met him, but when you’re in a relationship, sex is sacred. At least to König. 
He walked in the room first, scanning it for any disturbances or abnormalities. None. There wasn’t anything out of place: sheets tucked tightly under the corners of the bed, clothes hung up in the small closet, everything was in order. 
He took a seat on the same chair Ghost was occupying minutes earlier. It was still warm. You sat on the bed facing across from him. König’s leg was bouncing so fast it made the chair shake and his hands were fidgeting with themselves. 
You slowly got up and kneeled down in front of him, taking his hands in yours. He looked down at your interlocked fingers then to your eyes. You looked sad. He never wanted to make you feel this way but what you did was unforgivable. 
“Believe me König, I would never do anything to hurt you” you had a slight smile on your face, trying to comfort him.
He didn’t smile back. What he needed was the truth. Where the rumors were coming from, why you got weird stares, and how long this has been going on. If you couldn't tell him, or if he thought you were lying, he might just have to end this. He doesn’t want to but how can he be with a liar, a cheater, someone unfaithful. 
“Tell me everything,” he said in a deep voice. Eyes fixated on you, unmoving. 
“There is no everything, König. Just stupid boys trying to start something out of nothing” you explained, “I promise” 
His leg had slowed down to a steady pace, still bouncing, but more controlled. You rubbed your thumb along his knuckles. Soothing. Like a mother’s touch. Except he could never remember his mother touching him like this. Like anything. You were the first one in his life to show any affection. Romantically or platonically. 
“Do you promise?” he squeezed your hands. 
Please don’t lie to me schatz. You’re all I have.
“I promise” 
That’s all König needed to hear. He wrapped his arms around you in a tight hug. It was awkward. He wasn’t used to hugging people. It was suffocating but warm. His large frame surrounding your small body made you feel at home. He was your home. And you were his. 
“Ich liebe dich Engel. Bitte bleib für immer bei mir” he muttered into your neck. 
“Ich liebe dich auch” you replied through broken German.
He had taught you some of his native tongue when you had spare time. Simple phrases like “I love you” “cuddle me” “please” and so on. You wrote down all the things he taught you in a little notebook and often referred back to them when you had the chance. In your opinion, it was a pointless language with long words that made no sense and unnecessary diacritics, but you’d do anything for your king. 
You held each other for a while, slightly rocking back and forth. He breathed in the scent of your hair and you rubbed his back, stopping for a moment then continuing. 
You felt your body begin to lift, feet dangling in the air. You wrapped your legs around König’s waist for support as he carried you to the bed. He slowly lays you down, stepping back for a minute.
“Aren’t you coming?” you patted the space next to you. 
Of course König was coming, he just didn’t want to hurt you. Lying down directly on top you would surely suffocate you and he couldn’t do that to his little Maus. You were so small compared to him, so fragile. He’d seen you kill countless men, but in his eyes you were still his delicate Blume. 
“Yes my dear, I need to know you are comfortable though” he looked down at you.
Your safety and needs always came before his. In the bedroom, on the battlefield, and anywhere else you might be. You were his whole world and he wanted to make sure you knew that. You did. He told you everyday. Constantly showering you with compliments and praises. 
“I am” 
König’s gentle climbing in next to you, careful not to crush you. He lays on his side as you snuggle into him, face in his chest. So warm. You could hear his heartbeat, such a steady and comforting sound. A slight smile forms on his lips as he wraps you in his arms engulfing your torso. You stayed there for what felt like forever, savoring this sweet moment. Who knows how many more of these you would get. Your jobs were dangerous to say the least. Living to see another day was a gift, not a promise. But being with him made it all worth it. He’s the love of your life. You would never want to be with anyone else. Only him.
“You are everything to me, Meine Liebe” he whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. 
His Liebe. Forever and always.
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ratcash-wasgud · 1 month
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Hihi! Hope you are having a great day, but I had an idea/request for a modern mizu headcanons or fic? or a mix of both? I've been having a rough week, and dealing with some sh. i know this can be triggering for some, so don't write it if it's too much, but I'd really appreciate maybe a modern mizu x struggling or sh reader? and mizu does what she can to help reader feel better and keep reader safe from harming themselves? i hope this is okay! xoxo
hey lovely! no, no, this is actually so valid. i love this idea.
TW tho, as obvious, self harm and mention of suicide.
I hope you enjoy this one.
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"...Hey, you...you okay?" Mizu steps into the bathroom, her face draining of color. She noticed how different you were acting these past weeks;
Randomly going silent during conversations, refusing to make eye contact with anyone, or biting you lips and picking at your skin violently...
But she'd never thought she'd see this. You, the love of her life, the one she'd die if she lost, the only one keeping her sane, standing or...hunching over in front of the bathroom sink, blood trickling and dripping everywhere, and your eyes looking back at her.
She's frozen. She doesn't know what to do. She doesn't know what would be right to do in this situation. Should she comfort you? Do you even want her comfort right now?
But all those questions flee her mind the moment your lips start trembling, your eyes narrow and fill up with tears, your nose scrunching up in a sniffle. "I...I'm sorry."
Mizu doesn't hesitate to basically jump away from the door and rush to hug you, not caring about the blood getting on her clothes. "It's okay...it's okay." She whispers it like a mantra in your ear. "Everything's fine...I'm here, you're here. We're here...i promise everything's fine."
After that, she sat on the bathroom floor with you until you calmed down, stroking your back while whispering the same, calming things in your ear.
When you calmed down, Mizu bandaged up your arms in silence after cleaning them up. She made sure to be gentle, not wanting to touch any cuts directly, but putting enough pressure on them to stop the bleeding. She didn't dare to look into your eyes while she did it, but when she was done, she leaned down to gently kiss the bandages.
She didn't ask anything, as she didn't know what to ask, or if she can even ask anything. She was just...worried. Worried more than anything.
She then silently led you to the bed, cuddled up behind you, and waited for the similar sound of your breathing slowing down as you fell asleep.
She couldn't sleep for a couple hours more tho. She stayed up, eyes closed, face burried into the warmth of your neck from behind.
You're warm. You're still here.
The next morning, she woke up before you, preparing coffee like she always does for you. When you came out to the kitchen, your eyes sleepy and the bandages still tight on your arms, Mizu gathered up all her strength.
"...can you tell me why?" She asks, her voice low and quiet. You looked at her for a couple moments, before sitting down at the kitchen table.
You started talking about your family backround, how school and work combined stress you out, how you don't like looking at yourself in the mirror. Mizu knew she was the one asking, but she hated hearing it, because she felt powerless.
But even if she felt that way, she was determined. She'll somehow make it better for you.
She spent the next day, thinking about ways to help you get more comfortable with yourself.
She started drawing small cats and bugs on your bandages when she changed them, to make you not want to throw up when you see them.
She stole your lipstick to make a kissmark on the mirror, to exactly where your forehead is in height, so everytime you look in the mirror, you get "kissed".
And she came up with this genius idea to bug a huge pack of stickers, and give you one for every day you stay clean.
She knew it wasn't much.
But to you it meant the world.
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ms-demeanor · 2 months
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hello! sorry to bother w this but im sort of desperate at this point. given your post about school abuse: so like. i had a similar experience and i thought that i had sorted my brain out. BUT. big but. now im trans and every time i have to correct people w/ misgender or come out to people that i dont already know their opinion on the issue, i get an anxiety attack that makes me unable to do it. ive told many therapists and no one so far has understood why im terrified of making stuff that other people can perceive as me being difficult to work with. would you have *any* advice? thanks!
Okay so first of all it is totally valid to feel that way; that isn't an irrational response, that is your body and brain going "!!!! I have learned this lesson before!" But just because it's a sensible response doesn't mean it's functional in the long term, which is why it needs to be addressed (which I'm sure you already know, I'm just explaining for people in the back).
So now here is some meandering advice:
Spend time with people you already know you can trust. It's okay to take a break from new people and situations (as much as is possible) when you are processing traumatic events and learning to care for yourself. Spending time with people who you don't have to come out to, who don't misgender you, can help you normalize being out and correctly gendered to yourself.
Recognize that you don't have to be out to everyone and some assholes aren't worth it. This is going to depend some on the context, but you don't owe everybody an explanation for yourself and if people repeatedly misgender you after being corrected you may just be better off not spending time around those people.
Loop in trusted people in low-stakes ways. If you get the sense that someone who you think is pretty safe has misgendered you on accident, it might still feel too intimidating to correct them in person but it might be a good idea to follow up with text or a call or a message to say "hey, just FYI, I think I heard you use a/b pronouns for me earlier, I just wanted to let you know that I use c/d pronouns. Did you want to meet up again next week?" the breakdown on why I think this is effective is - Distance means you're safe - nonthreatening "FYI" means you aren't saying "I'm offended" and assumes good faith from the other person - feels less accusatory (not that you need to tone police yourself, but if you're trying to lower the stress level overall then assuming it was a mistake and letting them know you don't think it was on purpose should reduce the overall tension) - request to meet up again or topic switch to something lighter once again says "I'm not mad, that was just regular information, we can now return to our scheduled programming"
I think that, generally speaking, this is also a decent way to come out to people if you're nervous; physically remote and emotionally casual can be a good place to work from (even if you're actually panicking in your head but you can pull off casual in a written message)
Find (or create) a space where people are 100% going to support you. If you need to create a discord server, if you need to schedule a regular coffee date with trusted friends or family members, whatever it is, give yourself a space where you are unconditionally supported and can have people to bounce ideas and concerns off of. Even if it's just you and one other person, it's good to know you have *someone* who you can say "I think I want to tell this other person to use my pronouns but it's scary" to and know that you're not at risk in any way. I'd say try to make sure that you're still interacting with people outside of that space, but have a space to retreat to where you can just drop the worry.
Recognize that somebody else's problem is not a reflection of you. If you have, for instance, a coworker who is being a piece of shit and refusing to recognize your gender, that is not a reflection of your gender that is a reflection of them being a piece of shit. If there is a classmate or a sibling who uses the wrong pronouns after being corrected that doesn't mean you're not entitled to your pronouns that means they are being a piece of shit. Some people are just not going to accept you and that's on them. Try to minimize your time spent with them and if you have to spend time with them at work take steps to ensure your safety, but don't fight losing battles with assholes.
It really is legitimately scary. You have good reasons to be scared and you are doing a very frightening thing (and not to do the meme thing but you are legitimately being so brave about it; the fact that you are reaching out and asking anyone for help, including randos on the internet, means that you are taking steps to doing the scary thing and that is SO GOOD and I'm really proud of you for making the effort in spite of the fear).
Here is some less meandering advice:
Practice. Talk to yourself in the mirror, practice with friends, practice with your therapist. Practice coming out to yourself in a casual way. Practice correcting your pronouns. Practice an introduction for yourself that explains the information you want to give to new people you might meet. Get it down to a quick little patter, get it to be something that's easy to say to yourself in the mirror first, then try it with friends for practice, then try it around the safer people you might want to give the information to. It'll get easier as you go.
Look for a local support group (or an online support group). If there's a local LGBTQ+ center you should see if they've got events going on or a support group you can join or workshops or any manner of social thing where you can go interact with people who have been through similar stuff.
Journal. Each time you find yourself frightened of talking to someone about your gender, do what you need to to get through the day and then sit down and think about that interaction. Write down what happened, write down what you were thinking. Was there something in particular that made you anxious? Is it something you can practice addressing? Was there something you noticed about the person that made you uncomfortable? Is that a common thread in the times you have trouble talking about this? If you're able to narrow down specifically what is making it hard to speak to some people that might make it easier to explain to therapists but will also make it more actionable for you.
Here's some very optimistic advice:
If at all possible find a friend who will be rabid and unflinching in their support for you and hang out with them around new people. Get yourself an attack dog copilot who will cheerfully step up and make corrections for you. I know not everyone can do this and I know that if you can find someone like this they can't be around all the time, but it can be wonderfully reassuring to find that one person who you know is going to be ride or die about making sure that everyone in the room respects you. (Being that person for someone else can also teach you how to be that person for you)
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