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niningtori · 4 months

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see me | chapter one: distance

summary: after another failed relationship, you're ready to give up once and for all. your best friend's little brother, beomgyu, has other plans.

genre: angst, angst with a happy ending, romance, fluff

word count: 3k-ish idk

your eyes watered as the bitter taste of vodka seared the back of your throat, settling uncomfortably in a pool of heat churning in your stomach.

"slow down! you're gonna make yourself sick," your best friend, jia, chastises.

"let her have her fun," beomgyu, her little brother, quietly interjects before you can even finish flushing down the alcoholic aftertaste with your chaser. "she's going through a lot right now."

you nod half-heartedly while sloppily sliding your elbows onto the table, smushing your tear-stained face into your hands and sighing. jia winces at the action before relenting.

"fine. let loose tonight, but this is the last time you're getting this drunk over a piece of shit guy." maybe if she were anyone else you'd resent the harshness of her words, but even in your drunken state you register the softness in her tone.

"wait here, i'll get you some water," and with that she rises and reveals her plain outfit, sticking out like a sore thumb in the strobe neon lights of the flashy bar you're in. you're not looking any better, both of you having come here after having a seemingly normal saturday of running your respective errands and nothing more. that is, until you ended up a few blocks away from your boyfriend of 9 months' apartment and decided to pop in, only to find him absolutely drilling into his girl best friend. the one he claimed you had "nothing to worry about" because "she was just a childhood friend" and you were always so "irrationally jealous" to the point of "borderline paranoia." needless to say, you called jia while booking it to your car. which led you to where you are now: severely underdressed with makeup smudged and eyes swollen.

"are you okay?" beomgyu asks tentatively. you know he knows the answer and he's just trying to comfort you, so your gaze redirects to him and he shifts somewhat uncomfortably under your surveying eye. you and jia may look underdressed, but he certainly doesn't. he blends right in with his band tee and distressed jeans. sitting alone with him probably makes you look even more ridiculous, and though you shouldn't care, you can't help but imagine what others were most likely thinking when they saw you wiping your snot in between shots.

"i'm not," you mumble, and he relaxes a bit now that you're talking again. "i'm sorry, beomie. i'm sorry you got stuck with," you gesture to yourself, "this." and you really were. jia had been with him when you called and once he heard what happened, he insisted on tagging along and scrapping whatever plans he had for the rest of the night.

"do you want to talk about it?" he asks softly. "you don't have to if you don't want to, but i think it would make you feel better."

to that, you smile. despite the age difference, you two had grown quite close in the 8 years you had been friends with jia. In fact, in college it had become a tradition for you to accompany her to her family's once she found out you wouldn't be going home for your first thanksgiving break.

there was nothing worth going to your own home for, you had told her, so she demanded you come to her place instead. as stubborn as she was, you eventually relented after she promised her family was actually excited to meet her dorm mate and new best friend. there you met her parents and beomgyu, and from then on they had accepted you into their family so warmly it had become a given that you would always stay there for any time away from school. that is, until you met your first boyfriend. but you were hellbent on ignoring that part.

"i don't think there's that much to talk about," you sigh. he raises his eyebrows, so you continue. "i thought that maybe there was something going on between him and his best friend, but he convinced me that i was just being controlling. i felt really guilty about it so i dropped it, but i guess i shouldn't have. i just feel so fucking stupid," you choke out.

"it's not your fault. he manipulated you, of course you would want to trust him after he guilted you like that," he says while pushing your hair behind your ear as fresh tears rolled down your face. had you been sober, you might have questioned the intimacy of this, but at present all you could do was revel in it. your phone buzzes again and you immediately reject the call. he had called at least a dozen times and left twice as many text messages. at your rejection, he sends another one, and you read it aloud — more for your own comprehension than beomgyu's —missing the way his stare darkens for just a second.

"baby can we please just talk? i'm so so so sorry it was a mistake. i feel like shit for hurting you. please can you just answer so we can fix this? i love you." you dig your head in your hands before meeting beomgyu's gaze.

"are you gonna answer him?" he asks.

"i don't know, beomie. i just — i kind of feel like at this point i might have to just accept it."

"what do you mean you just have to accept it?" if he's trying to hide his disgust, he doesn't do it well.

"what i mean is that maybe there's a reason 3 out of my 4 boyfriends have cheated on me. maybe it's me? i dunno," you sigh, "i think i might just have to accept the fact that he cheated and forgive him."

"that's bullshit," beomgyu bites out. "you don't deserve any of this shit. not every guy is gonna treat you like that." you smile sadly at his insistence. what he's saying is so sweet, but you're sincerely beginning to think maybe you're cursed to have an unfaithful boyfriend.

"i really think it's just not in the cards for me. is there something so bad about me that this keeps happening to me? actually, don't answer that. i don't think i want to know."

"i'm serious," he insists. "no guy in his right mind would treat you like that."

you want to smile at that, but you physically can't.

"that's easy for you to say, beomie, but you don't exactly treat girls the nicest, either." he balks at this.

"that... that's because i—"

"here. drink this, now." jia cuts in, back with some water. you don't take note of beomgyu's crestfallen appearance.

"thanks jiji," you say with a smile.

"anything for you," she replies.

beomgyu still looks like he's trying to fish words out from the bottom of a barrel, but you leave him be. you're still thinking about your ex's texts and what they mean. he said it's his first, and only, time fucking her, but the betrayal is unbearable. you'd think that after this happened with the third boyfriend in a row, you'd be used to it, but it still feels as fresh as the first time. and this one seems to hurt even more because you really thought this one was going somewhere. he had hinted at moving in together and you were so, so ready to take the next step. so much for that, you guess.

he was 14 when he first met you. his sister had told him her new roommate was tagging along and warned him not to be too awkward around her — a pointless warning, really. at 14 he was still a stuttering mess in front of girls his age, let alone someone 4 years his senior, but he promised he'd do his best nonetheless. when his mother told him to be ready because you two were nearly there his palms were already sweating, but when you walked in, face tired from the long drive but eyes remaining bright, his mind went into full panic-mode and his throat went dry. "hi, beomgyu. it's nice to meet you," you said with the softest of smiles and his heart stuttered with every syllable.

your first night at the choi's was fun; jia's family was determined to make you feel welcome and you spent most of the night laughing and learning more about your new friend. after dinner, mr. choi busted out the boardgames and when you saw just how seriously they all took it, you realized where jia got her competitiveness from. she made a particularly callous move in monopoly, earning complaints from her parents and you had to stifle a giggle as the previously silent beomgyu pouted with a "jiaaaa, how could you do this to me?!?" he quickly came out of his shell after that, and needless to say, you were a little shocked at just how loud the boy could be.

as much fun as you had, you were a little emotionally fatigued after such an eventful night. you had never known families could get along as well as jia's did, and in between smiles and questions about yourself, you couldn't stop your heart from aching just a little. how nice would it be if you had a home like this to come back to? how did it feel to have a family who was truly interested in how you're feeling?

as everyone headed to bed, jia noticed your uneasiness and asked if you wanted to talk about it, but you declined. you could tell she was tired and you didn't want to worry her. in a rare moment of vulnerability, she thanked you for coming and told you her parents were so happy you were friends. you smiled as you watched her fall asleep, making sure her breathing was heavy and slow before tiptoeing out of her room, closing the door, and heading out to the back porch.

the stars looked so much brighter here, you noticed. your hometown was pretty big, so the pollution made it impossible to enjoy the sky like this. you wondered what things were like back home. you had been alone with these thoughts for 15 minutes or so before you heard shuffling from inside the house. when you heard the backdoor open you began to say "I'll be back inside in like 2 min—" before you turned and saw beomgyu there, eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights. his limbs were awkward and gangly but his slightly rounded face and doe eyes made him absolutely adorable to you.

"oh, hi. is everything okay?" you asked slightly worriedly as he stood frozen, mouth agape.

"i-i... you're cold outside?"

you couldn't stop your giggling that time. "i'm sorry, what was that?" you said between laughs. he blushed and you felt a little guilty.

"i'm- it's cold outside. you're probably freezing. wait here," he said before scrambling back inside. he returned with a blanket and your heart warmed.

"take this. it's freezing and that jacket you're wearing isn't enough. look, your nose is red!" he said worriedly.

"wow beomie," you teased, using his family's nickname for him. "i had no idea you were this thoughtful." and just like your nose, his face flushed a deep red.

"hey, I'm just kidding," you softened. "do you want me to head back inside so you can hang out here?" his eyes widened again and you began to fidget to leave your spot on the porch steps.

"n-no. you can stay here, i'll just go back inside."

"you don't have to do that. why don't you just hang out with me for a bit?" there it was. your breezy attitude that left him stumped. you had been so laidback and charming through every interaction with his family, and with himself even, as painfully awkward as he was. but as unbothered as you seemed, he could see the anxiety in your expressions when you thought no one was looking. a shaky breath here, a bitten fingernail there. you hid it from the others masterfully, but his eyes had been trained on you from the moment you stepped into his house, and even you couldn't avoid the occasional slip up. he desperately wanted to comfort you,

"uh, i-if you're okay with me being with you —i mean like being out here while you are also here — then i'll sit too." he knew you had to have noticed his anxiety, but you made no mention of it and instead smiled and patted the open space next to you.

"so. what brings you out here?" you asked.

"i, uh, like to come out here a lot when i can't sleep. it helps me clear my head, i guess." you nodded and didn't ask any more questions, for which he was thankful. he didn't want to have to lie instead of explaining that you were the focal point of his mind back then, and he wanted to come out there to calm himself down.

"it's nice out here. i can see why you come out so often."

"what about you?" he asked tentatively.

"me? i guess i'm just like you. i'm trying to," you paused to find the words "clear my head and recenter right now."

"oh. why?" you locked eyes with him and noticed that his eyes twinkle even more than usual under the starry sky. he didn't balk at the sudden eye contact, just looked at you earnestly as if he was afraid of missing a single word. to both of your surprise, you actually answered, delving into some of the details of your home life. nothing major, but still personal enough to matter. he nodded when appropriate and asked a question every now and then. after your little venting session, you looked at him and gave him the brightest smile yet.

"thanks beomie, you're a great listener and i really like talking to you. i hope i get to do it more often." i really like talking to you. i really like talking to you. you really like talking to him. you wanted to talk to him again. in fact, you hoped you did. his heart skipped a beat and he gulped in a way he only hoped to god was discreet.

"any time, i swear," and he meant it.

you had just turned 20 when you met him. doyoon was everything you could have ever wanted (or needed) from a man at any point in time, let alone at 20 years old. he was a TA for one of your lectures and from the moment he accidentally spilled his coffee on his laptop when he tried to ask you out, you were smitten. he was 1 year your senior, set to graduate that academic year, but who can stop love once it starts?

beomgyu was 16 when he felt like the world was crashing down around him. he pinched his arm (just to make sure he wasn't hallucinating) and asked jia not once, but twice to repeat herself. still, the words remained the same: "she won't be coming home for thanksgiving because she'll be with her boyfriend."

his stomach ached and his complexion turned pallid. jia watched him with worry. "beomie, are you okay?"

"so she's staying at his family's?" he ignored her question so pointedly that she somewhat doubted if she ever asked it in the first place. "isn't that too fast? and what about us?" about me? if you met him in august, that meant you had only been dating for 3 months. meanwhile, you had known him for 2 whole years!

"i mean, in my opinion, yeah. but there's nothing i can do about it besides support her and hope for the best," she mused. "he actually seems like a nice enough guy," she added off-handedly. if only she knew how her words decimated him. she spread the unfortunate (for him) news to her parents and while slightly disappointed that you wouldn't be joining, they were happy you seemed to be in a healthy relationship.

that evening, he happened to hear a call between you and his sister through the shared wall between their rooms. he didn't happen to press his ear on it, that part was completely intentional.

"did you tell everyone that i'm sorry i couldn't be there this year? i miss them all," and he could hear how much you meant it.

"yeah, they were battering me with questions about doyoon. you'd better be prepared for an onslaught of questions next time you come home." you snorted and whined in response but he can almost see the upturn of your lips at the choi's house being referred to as "home", even through a wall and a phone. "how's doyoon's family?"

"they're so so nice," you sigh contentedly. "i was afraid it might be awkward since our relationship is so new, but they've been nothing but kind and inclusive." beomgyu can't help but feel indignant at the idea that a family could be more welcoming to you than his.

"i'm glad they're treating you well, i was afraid i was gonna have to come rescue you myself. how's doyoon?"

"i've got a really good feeling about him, jia. he's just so... mature? and experienced? " with that, beomgyu's heart sunk to his feet.

"first of all, ew. i don't need to know that," jia teased. beomgyu decided he didn't need to know that either, so he moved away from the wall dejectedly. if he had continued to listen he'd have heard you feverishly denying that you were implying anything sexual, but he already felt like he was being punished for eavesdropping. he knew he was too young for you at present, but in 2 years he'd be 18 and it wouldn't matter anymore. somewhere in the back of his mind he had hoped you would wait for him, unconsciously or not. you could be each other's first everything.

that dream is dashed after 2 whole years of pining, but he'd remember your words for the rest of his life. if you wanted a guy who's mature, he'd be more mature. if you wanted a guy with more experience, he'd get more experience. all you ever have to do is ask once, and maybe not even that much.

"just tell her you like her, man," yeonjun says with a sigh.

"he doesn't like her, he loves her," taehyun cuts in.

"well, tell her you love her then!"

"i can't do that," beomgyu argues defensively. "she still sees me as a 14 year old kid."

"that's tough," kai nods.

"then put it down on her and stop complaining," yeonjun says with a roll of his eyes.

"don't be gross," beomgyu says, smacking the back of his head.

"i'm not! i'm serious."

"he has a point, gyu," taehyun chimes in.

"oh god, not you too," beomgyu groans.

"we're just saying she wouldn't think of you as a kid anymore if you would just act like a man and not a lovesick puppy," yeonjun reasons.

"yeah man, you don't act like this with any other girl. just be normal," taehyun says.

"she's not just any other girl to him, she's the girl," soobin argues out of seemingly nowhere and beomgyu blushes. he's not wrong, though. if he cared less about you, it'd be easier to get with you.

he always said he'd wait until you were single to make a move, but you were with doyoon for three whole years. then joonwoo for 6 months. then seoyun for 8 months. then donghyun for 9 months. at 26, you're nothing short of a serial monogamist, and he was always just on the precipice of gathering his courage to ask you out when you enter another relationship.

jia said you were coping with your breakup with doyoon in your own sick little way, but that didn't really make beomgyu feel any better. to him, that just meant you were still stuck on the man he felt so inferior to. but after seeing how fucked up you were after your last relationship, he was just about done with waiting for you to look at him.

#niningtori #see me #beomgyu #choi beomgyu #txt beomgyu #txt #txt fanfic #beomgyu fanfic #beomgyu x reader #choi beomgyu x reader #tomorrow x together #txt angst #best friend's brother au #this is my first post #i'm sorry if i'm doing something wrong idk how to work tumblr LOL #help me #also #i'm on mobile soooo that should explain everything

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