#he is nothing if not honest in the first season which is why i like him

[violetrainbow412-blog]

Dressing for revenge [K. B]

Kaz Brekker x fem!reader

word count: 7k

summary: when Kaz and his crows return from Ravka they run into trouble, and to solve it, he looks for a childhood friend who is too resentful and too in love with him

warnings: trauma, PTSD, spoilers for S&B season 2, no physical contact, here Kaz has no romantic feelings for Inej

A/N: I LOVE Kanej, but I wanted to write something with Kazzle Dazzle because I love him too, lol. I hope you like it!

taglist (who I thought might be interested): @rustyyyyspoonz

The rumor had already spread throughout the Barrel: “Kaz Brekker and his crows are back” How long had it been since they had embarked into the Fold? Just a couple of months? They had felt like years, if you were being honest.

If it was true that they were back, you felt sorry for the trouble they were going to run into. The change of ownership of their club, the strengthening of the other gangs, and mainly the fact that they were being tried for murder thanks to the fact that Pekka Rollins had awarded it to them... all these problems were going to fall on them like a bucket of water cold. It had already fallen on them, in fact, since the rumor was accompanied that they had escaped from the stadwatch once they were captured.

You didn't know how much of what everyone was saying was true and how much was false, trying to stay as calm as possible when the name Kaz came from someone's lips for fear that Pekka had some magical ability and could read your mind or sense the fear in your eyes every time you met him. Afraid of him and afraid of what he might do to you if he knew you knew the black-haired man.

Things had changed a lot since the last time you saw the boy and that was more than noticeable. Your story goes back long before he made his reputation when you were just a couple of neighbor kids playing on the farms. You two arrived in Ketterdam together, with nothing but hopes for a better future and Jordie as your protector (or an attempt at that, at least), after your father and Mr. Rietveld died in the same accident, reuniting with Kaz’s mother and later to be matched by your mother, who had died of sadness, if that was possible. Three helpless children thrown into the cruel world were what came of that and the rest is history.

Crime, robbery, gangs, and a life of hardship were what you had to adjust to as a child, but you doubted very much that a single person living in The Barrel would be in a different situation. You weren't fully involved in the disgraced jobs of the majority, but if there was one true thing, it was that when it came to obtaining information you were, to say the least, excellent. You and Kaz had to fend for yourselves, and you learned what you could from the streets. In this way he and you became a team, so to speak, for a few teenage years, and for that period of your lives having each other was the only thing in the world. Over time he became ruthless, rude, a great fighter and earned the nickname 'dirtyhands' thanks to his gambling skills, from which he obtained most of the things you had. You learned to move quickly, to go unnoticed, and to defend yourself from those who tried to harm you, always supporting the boy’s plans.

Less than a year was enough for his name to become known and he began to think big. Sometimes he would tell you about the plans he had: to run Fifth Harbor, to establish the crow club, to become the best of The Barrel. All of that sounded like crazy ideas at first, but looking back you realized that he had accomplished too much in that pit for your relatively young age.

You never knew what made you and Kaz go their separate ways, but somehow it had happened. It was gradual, maybe that's why it was hard for you to notice, but one day you woke up and realized the distance that existed between him, who previously was practically the only family you knew, and you. It didn't take much for him to decide to break the bond that had held you together from a very early age; he never gave reasons for this and you never asked him.

You lived under some protection from the leader of The Crows, of course, but very few people could link you to The Bastard of the Barrel. Sometimes you still provided him with information, but when he found someone else, the inquiries became less and less frequent until one day they turned into none. You managed to eat and have a roof over your head pretty well (and mostly honestly) and you tried to stay out of trouble for a long time.

Until one day he flew away from Ketterdam without warning and order in the Barrel was disturbed in every possible way. With his team gone, it didn't take long for Pekka to seize control and anyone who didn't work for him was inevitably against him. It was only a matter of time before he found out the talent you had tried to hide and forced you to carry his lion shield... figuratively speaking.

If he ever knew that you used to work with Kaz he never mentioned it or maybe your relationship with him had been severed so long that no one remembered it anymore. Now you were just a little girl, as he used to call you, slippery enough that she seemed so harmless that, in his eyes, that became a benefit. You were never one to look rude, unfortunately for you, and that allowed men like him to feel entitled to take advantage of you. You thanked the saints that Rollins didn't find you attractive or who knows what other services he would have requested from you. It was always better to provide him with the information he needed than for him to force you to be his lover.

You weren't a part of the meetings that the Dime Lions had and you weren't considered a member either, which kept you calm every night. You were just another piece in the enormous chess game that Pekka moved at his convenience, the same game that was threatened by the mere existence of Kaz Brekker and much more so now that he had returned.

In the middle of the night it was logical to ask yourself, what kind of strange plans would he have in mind now?

One, two, and three knocks surprised you at the rickety wooden door and made you jump out of your chair, where you were already asleep. An old lamp was on the even older table and it illuminated the little space that your provisional home had so you took it to approach to open the door. It was raining outside (quite unusual for that time of year) and by the time it was you figured it was one of Rollins' idiots coming to do a job for you. What would he want now? Harbor information? Talk to a policeman? He was supposed to control everything, sometimes you kept wondering why he asked for your help.

When you opened the door, the air slipped in and almost extinguished the flame of the fire, but the temperature of the night wasn’t what left you freezing, but the presence that was in front of you. With his hat, a completely black outfit, and his cane in hand, but above all soaked from head to toe, there was him; Kaz. You almost feared you were imagining it, but you knew it was him by the clear, penetrating eyes that were watching you, even though you admitted that he had changed so much that in other circumstances you would have had trouble recognizing him.

“Did I arrive at a bad time?” he asked. No warm greetings, no smiles, no explanations. Just a cold, serious question, just the way he was.

“Someone followed you? If this place is horrible by itself, I don't want blood staining the floor” you replied with the same tone. You wanted to tell him that you had missed him, ask him if he was okay, and give him a huge hug, but those actions should be reserved for your nocturnal fantasies, because as soon as you took a step forward he would be able to hit you with his cane. Or at least that's what the Kaz you knew would do, but you doubted very much that the passing of the years would have softened his heart.

"Nobody followed me" was all he said and you stepped aside at the door so he could go inside. Even with his words, you felt the need to look out on both sides of the street in search of someone, but with the level of rain, you doubted very much that someone would want to stay and spy because he would probably die of pneumonia.

When you closed the door and turned around he didn't say anything, he just stood in front of you while the water drained from his coat. During that moment of silence, you allowed yourself to admire it under the warm light of the candle; his eyes definitely hadn't changed one bit, but now there was a tinge of contempt more noticeable than before. His features had hardened and he was thinner, barely resembling the boy you remembered, perhaps as a reminder of just that... that he was now a man.

“So the rumors are true…” you started to say “You are back”

"I think that's more than obvious," he exclaimed. For a second you forgot that it was he who had knocked on your door and you felt uncomfortable as if you were an intruder who had to get out of there.

There was silence again and you two just looked at each other. Kaz had made his own mental list of changes he noticed in you and was reflecting on when was the last time he had looked at you in such detail. You were wearing light clothes, because before he arrived you were about to go to sleep, and your face, although as childish as always, looked more tired than before. You had also cut your hair, which was messy around your shoulders and a bit darker in tone.

“And may I know to what I owe your visit? I guess you don't want to have tea” you said to break the silence. The dryness of your words in a certain way was to protect yourself because you never knew how much a sharp tongue like his could hurt you.

"I'm in a job and I need people"

Of course it was going to be due to a job, and of course that was why he had sought you out after so many years. A part of you, tremendously stupid, to tell you the truth, was hoping that during the time your friend was away from Ketterdam some divine clarity would have illuminated him so that he would realize that he had to look for you to repair your relationship and offer at least apologies. But you would have to pay him every kruge in the country for him to do something like that.

"I'm glad you considered me, but I'm sorry I have to decline."

"Why?" he asked immediately, his raspy voice showing annoyance at the refusal.

“Because it happens that you can’t work for opposing sides. At least not at the same time” you replied. Maybe it was due to fatigue, but you swore you saw a slight look of surprise on the man's face when you answered that. Most likely, he had assumed that you would be one of the few people who wouldn’t be on Pekka’s side and therefore a safe option.

“Do you work for Pekka?” he muttered. You knew him well enough to know that he was hurt, you could see it in his posture, in his voice, and especially in his look “After all he did to us?”

"And what did you want him to do?" you said, trying to ignore the fact that he had spoken in the plural. Us “You practically handed us over to him. My options were that or receive a bullet in the forehead."

"I didn’t hand you over to anyone"

"You abandoned us and left us in his hands, it's the same thing" you replied, shrugging. There was so much resentment and pain from never-closed wounds floating in the air that it was hard for him and you to think clearly. “Your vacation in Ravka may have been nice, but things only just went to hell here. So don't you dare judge me by the choices I made” you exclaimed defensively.

You didn't imagine that your first conversation with him after so long would be like this, but unfortunately, things never turned out the way you expected. After all, they were a crook and a spy talking in the dead of night.

"You could get information from him more easily," Kaz concluded, shrugging the same way you did. "And so we sink him from the inside."

"And risk him finding out and killing me?"

“You know that would never happen,” he said firmly “The thing about killing you. I wouldn't allow him” his eyes stared at you almost offended by the lack of trust you had towards him. There was silence for the third time and this time your gaze moved away to focus on anything but him.

"Plus you have this girl you took out of The Menagerie, don't you?" you said in your defense. The one you replaced me with, you wanted to add, but held back "So I don't know what you might need me for" 

"With so many problems going on, I thought it would be better to have as many alliances as possible," he explained to you. You continued without looking at him, with your head still full of worries and sorrows, and when he didn’t receive an answer, he spoke again "You know that it is your best option"

"I don't know that, but I do know that I would have liked you to at least ask how I am before asking me to join the team you never wanted me in and from which you separated me as soon as you had the chance" you exhaled, in an attempt to lighten the weight on your chest. 

It was no secret that you had always felt betrayed by Kaz’s treatment of you, even though he treated dozens of others the same way, because you somehow thought that your backstory was enough to deserve at least the sympathy or some consideration on the part of the crow. And of course you wanted to run from Pekka's clutches and plunge him into the deepest muck, but the resentment for what you considered your friend’s abandonment was stronger. You didn't even know if it was correct to call him ‘friend’.

"You would be a good ace up my sleeve" was all he replied, in an attempt to convince you. Kaz begged absolutely no one, but if there was one thing he had decided before coming to find you, it was that he wouldn't leave until you agreed to help him. Although the nature of your current job made things a bit difficult for him, "Pekka never knew you worked for me, did he?"

"With you" you corrected him "I didn't work for you but with you. We got to The Barrel at the same time”

"Y/N" he murmured. Your name sounded strange coming from his lips after so long without hearing it and that caught you off guard “I'm trying to help you so you don't end up hurt or dead. If you work for… with me, I can tell you where not to be. Otherwise I could find you in the rubble of some confrontation or with a knife from Inej or a bullet from Jesper through your chest”

"Always so thoughtful," you replied with a smirk, but as much as it pained you to admit it, he had a point. You knew what he was capable of and what Pekka was capable of… which side was more convenient to be on? "How much are you going to pay me?" you asked and Kaz smiled, but it wasn't a sign of happiness but mockery “You've always said that's what's really important, haven't you?”

He took something out of his coat and tossed it on the table. They were bills. 

"An advance, when I recover the crow club, I will pay you the rest"

“So my pay depends on whether we win or not. That doesn't sound so convenient to me,” you muttered, clicking your tongue, as you fought the urge to say yes just to be near him. It was cold outside, the rain was making a lot of noise and you just wanted to sleep at once, but you knew that you could have been arguing with him all night and neither of you would back down. Kaz was stubborn, one way or another he would get what he wanted. "This isn't just about the club, is it?" you said, with your voice noticeably lower and you would even say with a touch of softness. You and Kaz never talked about what had happened, but each of you was dealing with the weight of the trauma in your own way. He didn't say anything and this time you saw something in him that was different from his usual behavior, knowing that it was those ghosts from the past tormenting him.

"If someone should make him pay, it's us"

Us, again. 

"I'll think about it" was what you answered, after reflecting on what would be the appropriate response. The speechless moment gave you something else to think about, and you knew that a huge flaw of yours was how easily you let your heart take over. Because even with all the other feelings on top, you still worried about him "Now that the crow club isn't yours..." you started to say, afraid of what he might say "do you have a place to stay?"

You would have offered to sleep there if he said no, but instead he said he’d manage. That didn't completely reassure you, but you decided not to insist.

“First thing tomorrow, send a reply to this address,” he asked you, holding out a piece of paper that had a few drops on it “Don't go there personally or you'll screw everything up, just send me a note. A yes or a no will suffice”

“What if someone tracks down the note?” you asked, which was a totally valid concern.

Kaz was silent while he thought of an alternative, and then spoke again.

“Just write crows of a feather, murder together. I'll understand” he murmured and you nodded. You knew the poem he was quoting from, had read it many times from the worn-out book he had gotten for you. Kaz didn't wait for anything else and took long steps to the door, which he opened as soon as he could. "Good night, Y/N."

And then he left.

That night you thought a lot about the solution you would give him in the morning, thinking about the pros and cons of each possible answer, until you decided that it was best to say yes. You needed to do it if you wanted to live peacefully (as much as the place allowed) but the main reason was to support him. If he had been about any stupid dispute you would have said no, but you knew this was something else. Kaz missed Jordie every day of his life and his way of honoring him was by planning revenge against the one who led him to that fate, so it was kind of an obligation for you to help him with that too.

You wrote the note on a piece of paper and carefully folded it to put it in an envelope. You signed the outside with his name, written in the best handwriting you had, and although you were hesitant to do so, at the end you wrote a little ‘from a friend’ in the hope of making it clear to him, and perhaps even encouraging him that, if he was willing, you could recover a little of what you had lost. And you weren’t referring to physical things, but to what existed between you.

All your life you had lived with almost opposite feelings when it came to Kaz. Somehow you were upset with him for only seeing you as an instrument that he could dispose of for his interests, but this was linked to the feeling of affection that you wanted him to experience for you and that apparently didn’t exist. It was difficult to decipher anything he was thinking, not just about you, since he had taken it upon himself to build such a convincing facade that it made it complicated to see beyond. Added to that was his aversion to touch of any kind, which, while quite understandable and justified, still made you feel sad. More than once you tried, in vain, to be able to touch him in some way, even if it was something tiny, but he always pushed you away. He pushed you away physically and eventually emotionally, and yet with all this background you wanted to help him.

You knew you couldn't expect a reply to your note, but you were confident that he had received it, and your suspicions were confirmed when another letter came back a couple of days later. It contained a day, a time, and a place, which you assumed was a meeting with him.

You were very careful when you headed there, because you thought that the fewer people saw you together, the better, or else Pekka might suspect something. You covered yourself with a long black cloak for this task and when you arrived you noticed that it wasn't Kaz who was there, but a couple of boys.

"Who are you?"

"And you?" you asked, with the same defensive tone. The place seemed to be an experiment workshop and looking at it in more detail you noticed that there was a bed, so it could even be some kind of apartment. The two men, one brown-skinned and the other pale as snow, wore simple brown suits and were looking at you warily.

“She is Y/N,” said a voice behind you. By the sound of the cane accompanied by the footsteps you knew it was Kaz, “she will work with us”

"Oh," said the dark-haired boy, looking happier with the answer, as he walked in your direction "Welcome, in that case" he muttered flirtatiously, as he held out his hand for you to greet him "Jesper Fahey, at your service”

"I am Wylan" intervened the other, from his place, timidly and quickly.

"You arrived" Kaz spoke again. You turned and a couple of women appeared, you guessed that the shorter one with Suli features was the famous wraith of Kaz. And she was beautiful, you couldn't help but notice.

There was a brief conversation with the six of you there and then Kaz asked you to walk him up to the roof of the place. Once there you instinctively stood next to the only one you knew and he just looked at you out of the corner of his eye while he adopted the typical position of him leaning on the cane.

“Brick by brick” whispered the man’s raspy voice and you were about to ask what you were supposed to do there when an explosion went off in the distance so impressively that you stepped back a bit. It didn't take you more than a few seconds to locate the space and realize the place it was.

"The crow club" you said in a low voice, only for the black-haired man to hear you, while you watched him in profile. But he didn't look at you, just exchanged words with the others and talked about how Pekka's apparent reign was coming to an end.

You'd always known that Kaz Brekker was a little unhinged, and that night you proved it for sure, but you weren't even the least bit afraid. Rather, it was some strange hope that this madness would allow you to go far. Even freedom, perhaps.

After that clear declaration of war, things got considerably complicated, especially when you were summoned before Pekka and he asked you to investigate someone in particular and it turned out to be none other than the man you were now secretly working with. You assumed it was something logical, but even so you feared that Rollins had noticed the slight tremor in your hands when he asked you to complete the task.

You summoned Kaz to Black Veil Cemetery, late at night, and there you confessed to him everything that had happened. He of course found something good in this and devised a way to use it to your advantage, which put you at ease. It still amazed you a little at how nervous you became around him as if you knew nothing of what you were doing, but when you regained your composure you thought it was an excellent plan.

Meetings with Kaz were regular, but always in secret and alone, and they worked to exchange information that you considered useful for him with what he would allow Pekka to know.

You didn't know the full plans and you weren't part of them in any way, or you would be found out, but you knew about almost everything that was going on. The attacks, the fights, the traps, the injuries... you had to look at everything from the outside without being able to intervene. It was frustrating for you, more than anything in the world, and you had to admit that you had taken a liking to crows, even if you had seen them only a couple of times, so you also looked after their safety.

One day you received a note and went to a meeting with all the members of his group present, to finally hear the full version of what Kaz intended to do to finish off your boss. It was a brilliant idea, but you were a little worried about your position in all of this.

“You mean I'm going to be there watching everything Pekka and his thugs do?”

"It will be the best" he answered you. His face still had a bruise on his cheek, a memory from the last fight he had, and he looked exhausted "Jesper and Nina will be there, plus you'll be in disguise" he added and you nodded at that.

When the moment came you thought it would be an easy task, but when Kaz started to get brutally beaten you had to muster all your willpower not to throw yourself into trying to face Pekka, even with your zero skill. He sounded so convincing when he said about Alby that even you believed it, feeling suddenly awed by the cynical smile on Kaz's blood-smeared face. And he also mentioned you in the story, although not directly, saying that it was all about revenge for having abandoned you two when you were children.

You were able to breathe again until Pekka and his entire gang left the place in search of a son who wasn't really buried and you four were left alone. Under other circumstances you would have run to Kaz, cupped his face in your hands, sobbed, and told him it was over. But instead, you just stood in front of him and watched him; his eyes were wild with fury and a thirst for revenge that had already been quenched, but you sensed a hint of calm when he became aware of your presence.

"Breathe," you said in a whisper. Jesper and Nina were dismayed by the closeness with which you spoke to him, as they knew little of your history together “You're fine. We all are,” you assured him. That situation took you back to multiple panic attacks in the past where, given the impossibility of physical contact, all you could do for him was talk to calm him down. It always worked and Kaz had forgotten how soft your voice was and the way you brought him back to the real world. You decided to risk trying to do something else to comfort him and cautiously stretched out your hand towards him, instantly seeing his eyes widen in terror. But your hand ended up landing, more like a touch than a squeeze, on the man's bicep, which was covered by his coat; it wasn't intrusive, or abrupt, and Kaz was surprised that he didn't feel anything negative about it. He looked at your hand and then he looked at you with that usual serious expression, but he didn't push you away and allowed you to stay that way for just a few seconds, after which you decided to move your limb back.

You didn’t receive a verbal response at any time, but you did see him exhale shakily (so softly that you barely noticed) and nod his head while still looking at you, as if he were letting go of a huge weight that was stuck in his chest and at the same time assure you that it felt like a victory. Victory for beating Pekka, victory because he wasn't engulfed by an attack when you touched him, and victory because somehow you were there. You were with him, again.

“Now can we go back to normal?” Jesper asked, to break the silence, and you felt like laughing. Have they ever had a normal life? you asked yourself, but you didn't say.

"Yes" was all Kaz said and taking one last look at you he began to walk in the direction of the exit.

Both of them were curious about the type of relationship you had with Kaz but neither thought it wise to ask at the time, although Nina was getting an idea of things thanks to your racing heartbeat and his that it was impossible not to hear a moment ago. You stayed there just long enough to have a drink with Jesper and then you left the Emerald Palace. You didn't want to go back home, but going with one of them didn't seem like an option either, and once you were on the street you felt worried about remembering the state the black-haired man had left. You trusted that by that time he would be calmer and as if they thought for themselves your legs began to walk to look for him.

It was cold again and you feared you would meet someone dangerous on the road, but you only saw a couple of drunks and a girl looking for clients. Until you were in front of the door, you wondered if it was a good idea to go in, thinking that you would probably be crossing a line that Kaz was not going to allow you to, and wondering if you were going to put up with his refusal, which was a pretty good chance.

With trembling hands you opened the door, which luckily was unlocked, and as if some unknown instinct were guiding you, you found Kaz's room; it was the only one from which light came out through the crack in the door and something told you that he was there. You knocked twice, fearing you had knocked so low that he hadn't heard, and even considered walking back the way you came, but didn't have time to as the door opened a few seconds later. He had already taken off his coat and vest, probably because they were stained with blood, and his black shirt was open at the top buttons, with the suspenders that held up his pants hanging on his thighs. But what caught your attention the most were his pale, gloveless hands.

"What do you need?" he asked you directly. His face looked worse now that the bruises had swollen and the blood was dry. He'd probably have them for a couple of days, and he was definitely going to have a scar over his eyebrow.

"I wanted to see you" you replied, instantly regretting not having considered your sincere words better "I mean... to see how you were" you tried to correct. You thought he would slam the door in your face, but instead he scooted to the side to let you in, then closed the door behind you with a soft click.

Again you felt alien to the place for a moment, thanks to the fact that he looked at you from head to toe as if your presence bothered him. You had to mentally remind yourself that he saw most of them that way.

“Your pay will be ready soon”

"That doesn't matter," you said softly. Several things had changed since the first conversation you had with him, because now that you knew why Kaz had done everything he had done and the traumatic memories returned to both of you, the money had taken a backseat.

You didn't say anything for a moment and you looked for a place where you could sit later. Kaz’s room, once painted green but now just damp walls, had a small bed by the window, a desk littered with papers and a lamp facing another window, with a simple bookcase placed on the top of the side wall; a nightstand, a place to wash your hands with a mirror above it, a circular table in the middle of the free space, and a single armchair that at least looked comfortable. It wasn't the prettiest place, but at least it was cozy.

"Your girl, did she leave?"

“Inej is not my girl. Or from anyone, she is free now” he answered you. He still wasn't looking at you and you noticed that he was having a hard time staying on his feet.

"I'm glad to hear it. She deserves it” you murmured sincerely. You thought that she would be important to Kaz, like all his partners, and you decided to venture out to see if he revealed something else to you. "She's very smart."

"She is"

"And she's pretty too" you added and without moving his head he looked out at yours. You felt as if he was reading your intentions through your eyes, a quality he had always had.

"I think so," he said without much interest.

"Are you very hurt?" you asked, changing the subject, as you took a step towards him. By inertia he took the same step, in the opposite direction, and that made you stop abruptly.

"Nothing to worry about" he exclaimed and though he thought, you couldn't have known, of course, get close to you, you decided to take that step back before he did anything else. 

"Can I ask you something?"

"Mhm"

"What did I do to make you walk away?" you exclaimed, finally expressing a question that had been eating away at your chest and tormenting you for many nights in a row. And since there was silence, you spoke again: “Not like right now, but a long time ago. It's just… I never understood it. Before we were friends and for me… you were even like a family. I loved your brother too and I know losing him never affected us the same, but I was glad you were there for me after that. Then we got older and things got more difficult, but I still had you and that calmed me down. And then… we just drifted apart,” you muttered, shrugging, as you avoided his gaze. Kaz still didn't answer anything and you felt the obligation to fill the silence “Sometimes I remember the things we went through when we were young. The good ones, of course. Like that time we stole a cake to celebrate your birthday and it was probably the best sweet I've ever eaten” you commented, smiling at the memory "And when I made you laugh with my bad jokes, no matter how angry or sad you were... I haven't seen you smile for a long time and I don't know if you celebrate your birthday anymore” you reflected wistfully, almost as if you were talking to yourself. And well, in the face of Kaz's inexpressiveness, that's practically what you were doing.

He hadn't said anything yet and you concluded that all your effort was useless. It had been a mistake to go looking for him, as well as trying to get even the slightest proof that he had ever missed you and you wished you had never opened your mouth. You sighed to contain the urge to cry and without saying anything else you turned towards the exit, intending to leave and return only for your money, but Kaz's voice echoed. 

"Do you remember what I told Pekka?"

You stopped.

“You told him many things, you will have to be more specific”

"About not loving anything" he replied. Your hand trembled on the doorknob at the mere thought of what he was implying and I was able to hear your racing heart pounding in your chest. You heard footsteps and, still without moving, you heard him speak again "That's why I drifted apart”

You never, even in your wildest dreams, imagined that he would say something like that to you and perhaps you were just deluding yourself with the implication of the words, but it was enough to make you freeze in place.

"I still don't understand how that relates to me” you expressed in a low voice. Kaz took a few more steps towards you until you could see his shadow mingling with yours and you felt it was time to turn. He was watching you from above, seriously.

"I didn't want…" he trailed off. You would almost say he was nervous “I didn't want you to be…”

"A weak spot," you said without thinking, followed by a sigh that sounded almost amused "That's your problem, Kaz," you continued, your gaze far across the room, "You think love is a person's greatest weakness, when it's not like that"

"It is not?"

"No" you exclaimed with determination "I believe that... many times love is what keeps us alive. Struggling"

You were speaking for yourself when you said this. What was your motivation every day? In the past, the love for Kaz. Now, it was love for yourself and the hope that one day someone could love you with the intensity with which you loved others.

“I had already lost Jordie. I didn't want to lose you too,” he finally said and that's when your eyes locked with his. You never thought he would verbally express something like that.

“And did you prefer that I lose you?" you whispered in pain. You wanted him to be aware of things, because it seemed like it had never crossed his mind to stop thinking about your well-being and start thinking about your feelings. “You don't just lose someone when they die, Kaz. You can also lose those who are fully alive”

He didn't say anything, because he clearly didn't know what to answer to that, and while he reflected on your words, you caught a glimpse of a certain vulnerability in his blue eyes that you had rarely seen. I couldn't say that you knew the man in front of you better than anyone, but you had a considerable advantage thanks to the years you had lived with him.

“Okay, just… listen” you started to say, knowing he most likely wouldn't give you an answer “I know it's hard to live as we do— as all of us at The Barrel live, but the risks I decide or don't take. They are my decision, not yours. These years you have sought to keep me out of danger and I appreciate it, but you have to learn to trust me”

"I do. I trust you"

"Then show me," you replied. You couldn't help noticing that, even with his stained face, Kaz was still the most handsome man you'd ever seen “Friends do not avoid each other, nor do they move away and despite that, during all these years I have trusted you as from the first moment we were left alone”

You didn't know if you were saying the right thing, but at least you were saying something.

"And if it's too late?"

It was too late? Kaz wondered. He wondered if it was too late to open up to someone, to try to get over his trauma, to let go and finally love you the way he wanted to.

But all this remained as a thought, phrases that couldn’t leave his throat.

“It's not for me,” you assured him. “But my patience won't last forever. I think you should know that”

You couldn't even imagine how many emotions Kaz was trying to process at that moment, but even he himself didn't understand what a mess you'd made of him with that conversation. From his perception, he had admitted that he loved you, but from his eyes, you didn't seem affected by it. And you, contrary to what he thought, felt like you were going to faint.

You were about to leave, for the second time, but he spoke:

“Stay,” he said, sounding more desperate than he would have liked. “I don't know what to say, but… just stay here. I don't want us to be alone tonight”

Us. That fucking habit of Kaz's to speak in the plural and make you a nervous wreck.

You looked at the bed and found that it was too small for both of you, to which we had to add his refusal to be close to others. Proof of this was the unconscious movement of sticking your hands as close as possible to his body during the entire time you were talking.

"Use the bed, obviously you need it more than me" you muttered and went directly to the armchair. Fortunately your first impression wasn’t wrong, it was very comfortable.

The room was so small that the apparent distance between the pieces of furniture didn't mean much, so when he sat on the bed you could see him perfectly.

The memory of one of the times when both of you were in similar situations came to your mind. That night you had been woken by frightened screams from the next room, in that abandoned house where you and Kaz found shelter, forcing you out of bed to investigate.

It was hard to comfort a person without physically touching them, especially when he had nightmares, and over the months you'd had to get used to it. The boy hated waking you up, it made him feel guilty and stupid, but you always kept him company. You never spoke, never asked questions, you just stayed there so he knew he wasn't alone.

Maybe something like that was what Kaz needed tonight. 

"Rest" you exclaimed. His head turned to look at you and you detected a different and special glow in his eyes; as if it were a mixture of fear, softness, and gentleness. You appreciated that look for a few more seconds, which you feared you would never see again in your life, and then you reached out your hand to turn off the light on the desk.

Silence reigned in the darkness.

You settled in the chair, trying to figure out what would be the best sleeping position, and at the same time you heard Kaz slide between the sheets on the bed. After a while, your eyelids felt heavy, a consequence of the fatigue that the hustle and bustle of the day had left you, and when you were about to fall asleep, a voice pulled you out of your reverie.

"Thank you. For everything”

The phrase was a whisper, a delicate caress in your ear, but you understood it clearly. And you decided to think that when Kaz said 'for everything' he meant literally everything you had selflessly done for him during his life; like he just realized you were important. But it's not that he had just noticed it, but that he had just accepted it.

You wanted to stretch out the moment as long as you could because, even if you weren't looking at him, you knew he was awake thanks to the sound of his breathing, but at some point sleep overcame you and you fell fast asleep.

Kaz had nightmares that night, like always, but the difference was that when he woke up in shock in the morning, you were in the same room. So seeing you there, keeping him company, was reason enough to calm him down.

And like every time this had happened, he felt like the luckiest man in the world.

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #the crows #six of crows #jesper fahey #inej gafha #wylan van eck #nina zenik #mathias helvar #shadow and bone #shadow and bone netflix #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker fanfic #kaz brekker imagine

[fanofseabassanddorito]

Dear Chris Evans,

I’ve waited and watched. I’ve gone back and forth with Real vs PR. I’m just a fan, of your work, but I also because of what you seemed to stand for and acted like a real person. I think I’m done now.

There has been questionable ‘sightings’ even though you claim to want to be private. Your friends and hers have posted the two of you. You have posted her twice yourself. But then you seem to hide her. That isn’t a good look. If you are in love with someone, you don’t hide them because you want to be private yet leak photos and hints to keep your fans spiraling when you know how some can be.

We all know celebrities use social media for what they WANT fans to see. Why? Because they want privacy, as they should, to separate their work world from real life. I completely agree with doing so, BUT I don’t agree with going back and forth. You owe fans nothing except maybe the respect that goes both ways. After all, your fans have been the reason you have your paychecks. I think we deserve a little bit of respect not to be played by what you say in interviews vs. what you show yourself to be through your actions.

There are so many examples of couples being private but NOT hiding significant others like they are embarrassed to be seen. A real private couple does things together but do not post montages on their socials, like scare videos and couples pictures. People do not call paparazzi unless they want to be seen. A real private couple does still go to things together, they don’t hide but they don’t bring attention to themselves. Real private couples do not let things drop during a special date for something else. One example, the NYC pap walk on the day that Warrior Nun season 2 dropped right after SMA.

Tabloids run on things they are given. There have been more articles about you and this girl than Harry and Meghan, Jennifer and Ben, etc., etc., etc. your reps have never confirmed anything. IMDb does not list her as your wife. Your mother liked a tweet about the girl being racist.

I had no issues at first, thinking you wanted privacy, which I thought was a great idea, given your fandom. I gave you the benefit of the doubt for a good while. But then it seemed like her friends and yours, her mom, along with the likes on IG, proved this isn’t private. Certain social media sites have been the only ones to randomly get these pictures that are nowhere to be found. It’s only a few, and they usually come at specific times when there is doubt. Friends posted from Lisbon, Avengers in MA, and the wedding rumors began. I’m sorry, but when there is an NDA, then the wedding news should not have leaked because the NDA would cover that. And if you have to ask people to turn in their phones to attend, that’s rude and you’ve invited people you don’t trust.

Showing up to a convention, with a ring on but you can’t say her name. Just ‘Go Portugal!’ And then go on about Dodger.

Let’s not even get into photoshopped or not photoshopped because I don’t even know anymore.

I could go on and on but it saddens me. I cannot be a fan of someone just because of their projects, and that’s just me. I have kept quiet, because it’s none of my business what you do with your life. What is my business though, is who I give my hard earned money to. Barely getting by on what I make, medications and food for my kids continue to rise in cost, but they also enjoy Captain America because he seemed like a good guy in real life too. Now they come to me with things they’ve seen online like Captain America’s new wife nude in the shower. They have seen people posting about her friends and their previous tweets, and things they’ve said. Why? Because you have played games with your fandom and they got pissed and exposed things. Let’s be honest, kids get online and see things even if they aren’t supposed to. Luckily they didn’t see your ‘slip’ up, because your fans cleaned that for you quickly, but the shower pictures continue to be passed around. They also said in some of the pictures they saw you post that they thought you had a daughter but found out it was your girlfriend.

I would make sure you don’t have any more slip ups because I feel like your fans are limited at this point. The ones that see your work the day it comes out. That’s one reason why Ghosted flopped. Before this, your fans would have said you did wonderful even if you didn’t.

After the new picture of the two of you at the Globes after party, I CHOOSE to not be a fan and hand you my money. I know it isn’t much, but I will choose to spend it on a different movie or person at a convention. Maybe I just won’t have a favorite anymore because it seems like a lot just tell fans what they want to hear.

I don’t know if it’s Real or PR and don’t care but it’s the game you seem to be playing that I don’t like. I don’t care what people think of my opinion and have not posted anything about a side. I just know you look like such a hypocrite and lose fans by the hour now. So many blogs and pages that are team PR or Team Real and they argue over who is right and wrong, because you and everyone around you are playing with them. You are using them for free publicity and that is sickening. I didn’t believe it was happening and you were just trying to protect your love life. But, eventually, it was just so obvious with the tiniest bit of things creeping in on the same sites and coincidences on dates. Mostly, I just don’t want to watch all the drama that has become part of being your fan. I like to escape the real world by looking at my favorite celebrities and what they are up to or their movies etc. I don’t want to see the gross mess you have become. She looks like your daughter, so I choose to leave. You don’t know me or care because I’m just one fan, but I do know who you want people to see you as now and I don’t like this version. Be private or just don’t hide. Look happy, not miserable. Treat her like your love and wife, because I would never allow my boyfriend/husband treat me the way it appears you are treating her. To the public, she looks like a mail order bride that jumps as soon as you tell her too. It’s gross.

So, it’s been a long, fun ride being your fan until now. Enjoy traveling back and forth and wear sunscreen to the beach, because boy are you white. Research the word ‘privacy’ and maybe get those NDA’s to the people leaking things if you want privacy or take their phones from them when they are in your proximity. Invest in energy drinks next, she’s a lot younger and likes to travel and have sex (maybe check out her soft porn). Let Buddah know she did a film with a demon having sex with her. Maybe purchase a plane and get a pilots license, because older dogs don’t travel as well as they age and that’s a long ride to Portugal. Remind your wife to keep her clothes on and keep your 🍆 in your pants because I think Team Real is even over this mess and don’t want to see it. Thanks for the laughs and smiles over the years. I wish you luck and hope you’re happier than you actually look.

Sincerely,

An Ex-Fan of Christopher Robert Evans

#Chris Evans #chrisevans #albabaptista #Chris and Alba #Chris Evans and Alba Baptista #Christopher Robert Evans

[icallhimjoey]

Reinvent Love

♥ ♥          Joseph Quinn x Fem!Reader 

Summary: You and Joe are treading new waters. You’re no longer flatmates, but still close. More than friends, but nothing defined. Nothing labeled. Determined to not lose what you have, though. But, can you?

CW / disclaimer: rpf, fem!reader, language, adult themes, jealousy, accusations, soft fluff, season 3 of my flatmate!joe

Author’s note: the first cracks; they're here - and, again, you don’t need to have read define close or explain us, but it’ll obviously give you backstory, which might help!

Wordcount: 3.6K

part one - part two - part three - part four - part five

It was silly. Joe was being silly.

He knew it, and felt so stupid for it. Like, in hindsight, the worrying felt so dumb. The constant milling shit over didn’t change anything, there was no real point to it. Although, maybe you being on his mind in this... new manner was what summoned you last night.

You just showed up, talking about a crazy day, no sad pouts, no needy touches. Just jittery movements and a lot to tell him.

Joe kind of sat back on his sofa, spread out and leaning into his left elbow and watched you pace around his lounge. Something about something a colleague had said that then turned out to be lies and you found out something by overhearing a phone call you weren’t meant to overhear – Joe was barely following along. Didn’t really try his best to, if he was honest.

He was moreso paying attention to what you were actually doing – were you even aware that you had started grabbing random things he had left lying around on his coffee table, on the kitchen island, on the counters, and one by one, put everything away where it was meant to go?  

Joe pursed a smile as he realised you knew exactly where everything went. Why did that make his chest ache in the best of ways?

This new casual form of intimacy seemed so small, but Joe felt how it smothered that little grain of doubt that resided in his chest. That little grain that had convinced him that you were probably going to fall into a new routine with your new flatmate after he moved in and, then you would probably grow close to him and Joe knew how you... no.

No.

He couldn’t think that.

It wasn’t fair on you. He caught himself trying to finish the thought a lot, but he knew it wasn’t fair. Wasn’t true. He didn’t even fully believe it. It was this thing. Still, he also couldn’t help how it simultaneously made him grow a little more possessive and made him want to prepare for the worst.

But, she was here, he had to remind himself.

She’s here.

And she was wandering around his space, letting her train of thought flow freely from her brain into his living room and he used to witness this all the time when you lived together still. Joe realised he’d actually missed it a lot, and wasn’t that the whole point? That he got to miss you now?

God, Joe missed you a lot and you were right there and he could just burst at the seams at how fucking lucky he felt.

He was a just normal guy in a normal flat with a normal relationship– well, normalish relationship, anyway. Not that you had talked about anything yet. Of course you hadn’t. But it was pretty fucking obvious what this was. So he had started shrugging whenever someone would ask if you were actually together, which felt a lot better than the forever, “No, we’re flatmates, what are you talking about?” he used to throw at people, practically gaslighting them out of whatever they thought they’d witnessed between him and the girl that he used to live with.

It was working. The plan he had made, this vague idea of normalcy; it was working out the way he had wanted it to.

And yea, sure, you were getting a new flatmate and Joe had a difficult time not feeling some type of way about that, but, he had made the decision to move out and, look at you now.

“Do you think I can get a raise out of this? Or at least get a weird bonus, mid-term?”

Joe had a hard time not laughing at your question as he saw you had already mentally moved onto something else. You were stood in the middle of the room, both hands on your hips, eyes scanning the room. Everything tidy and organised.

“Joe, when did you last clean?”

Joe followed your gaze up into one of the corners of the ceiling.

“I cleaned today.” Joe said, knowing you’d likely not take it as an honest answer. You had lived together, remember? No fucking way was Joe ever going to feel the urge to maybe sometimes swipe a feather duster across the upper corners of his living room.

You shuddered at the thought of what resided behind his curtains there.

You sighed and tutted and turned back to Joe’s kitchen like you were going to start cleaning his fucking ceilings at half past ten at night.

“Hey, no. No, no. Stop. Will you come sit down a second? My god.” Joe huffed, feigning annoyance. When you turned on your heel and giggled as you scurried over, Joe let a laugh escape his throat just before you let yourself fall into the cushions next to him.

He hooked an arm around your neck to pull you in so he could press his nose into your cheek a second. You gladly let him, and when he held you close like that for longer than you initially thought he would, you suddenly realised you’d just been talking about yourself for twenty minutes straight.

Just barged in with unimportant thoughts on your mind that you just verbally vomited right into Joe’s space. You knew it was mostly nervous energy that was only there because your new flatmate picked up his keys earlier, which now meant there was every opportunity for someone to just... walk into your flat at any given time. That had unexpectedly brought on way more anxiety than you previously thought it would do.

Hence why you decided to just... escape it, and went over to Joe’s to spend the night there.

Joe was pressing his nose into your cheek and held you in place for a bit before he moved his head down, hiding into your neck a second.

“You okay?” you asked softly, head tilting down a bit.

“Mm, yea, fine.” Joe inhaled deeply, before pressing a few small kisses to the crook there and moving back to look at you the in eye. He unhooked his elbow from around your neck and placed two cupped hands on either side of your face, swiping bits of hair back in the process.

Joe was leant all the way back into the sofa, head squished in between two of the back cushions and you took a moment to look at each other. Joe studied your face and rubbed his thumbs across the apples of your cheeks until you grew shy.

“You look tired,” you softly said before Joe sat up a little and leant closer. It had you close your eyes just before scrunching up your nose as he kissed the very tip of it.

“I am tired.” He mused, copying your nose scrunch when you blinked your eyes open again, and Joe looked so soft. Sort of pleased with life, happy to be where he was and like he’d just had a really good productive day. He blinked slowly, eyes only half open, and looked sleepy enough to slip right into dreams the second his head would hit his pillow.

You loved him like this. His hands on you, all soft touches. Comfy and cosy and calm. Just you and him. No one else. No threat of someone randomly walking in.

This was perfect.

“Mmm, me too.” You smiled and let Joe grab one of your elbows to pull an arm across his stomach as he sat back again.

“I’m not surprised. You’ve just done a 5K as you tidied this room, I think.”

You huffed a laugh as you sank into Joe’s side, and then you sat like that in silence for a moment. No TV on. No phones in sight for some easy distraction. Just you and Joe and the view of his living room.

“Are you okay?” Joe suddenly asked, emphasis on the you, and you tried hiding the small, hitched intake of breath by quickly nodding and casually going, “Yea. Fine.”

You could feel how Joe tucked in his chin to look at you.

He waited. Wasn’t going to tell you, “No, be honest...”, but also wasn’t going to accept it and move on. It was still like that. He knew you were lying, and you knew he knew, no words shared at all.

So you sighed and took a second, and then said, “Josh picked up his key today.”

And you didn’t want to explain what that meant.

Didn’t want to tell Joe that, for a while, this existing-in-two-flats thing had just felt like a bit of a joke. Just the two of you playing and being silly about whatever you really were. You still sort of thought of him as a flatmate because he still came over all the time, and you went over to his all the time too. You existed in the same space almost just as much as before, sort of.

But now a new flatmate was actually moving in, and suddenly, it felt like reality had slapped you right across the cheek like it had done that day that Joe moved out.

You’d gotten to hide away for a lot of that.

And there was no real hiding this time around.

You couldn’t go home and pretend Joe was going to move back in eventually, because now Josh’s things were going to be all over the flat. Which was fine. Josh signed a lease. His things were allowed to be all over the place.

It was just... things were getting real now.

Shit was real.

“Which reminds me,” you suddenly piped up, pushing uncomfortable thoughts down, tucking those away for another time and place. “This is going to save you some money!”

You saw how Joe’s mouth slowly stretched into a smile as he watched how his own feet rubbed against yours. Then he caught himself and quickly furrowed his brow, saying, “No, I don’t think it works like that.”

You copied his expression, but were more confused than anything else.

“Of course it does. Josh signed the papers, he’s going to start paying rent now, you–”

“I said that I had taken care of things, didn’t I?” Joe interrupted you, fingers playing with the folds in your sleeve of the arm that rested over his stomach. “Can’t just not keep a promise like that.”

You blinked at him a second, then moved to sit up to stare at him harder. If both Joe and Josh paid rent, that basically meant that you... got to live for free for a while? That math wasn’t mathing. One plus one wasn’t equalling two here. You looked around Joe’s flat and tried to think of his own expenses, and... what the fuck was he doing?!

“Joe,”

“You’re not going to be able to talk me out of this.”

“Joe.”

Joe ignored you and faked a yawn, sped it up along with stretched out arms above his head and quickly said, “So tired. Bed?” before getting up and leaving you on his sofa as he left the room.

“You’re insane if you think I’m just going to accept that!” you called after him and heard him laugh from down the hall.

“Did you not just say you were after a weird mid-term bonus?”

And you hated how that made you smile. Made you punch one of the cushions and sink your teeth into your bottom lip begrudgingly as you forgot to breathe a second.

Joe smiled to himself too as he turned on the lights in his bathroom. It felt like he was winning a contest - there was no contest, no one to fight, not really, but, he was definitely winning.

“You coming?”

Breathe.

Calm down.

You could pretend to fight him on this once more in the morning.

Crawling into bed with Joe had its own little routine which was different from the one at yours. Different order of things, because the lay out of the flat was different.

Bathroom first. You brushed teeth together, always had to stop Joe when he washed his face too aggressively and then used your own moisturiser on him. “Just for your dry patches,” you’d always say, but would end up swiping delicate fingertips all over anyway. There’d be a snarky comment, of you using too much, of him feeling too greasy, of how he was going to stick to his pillow all night now, and then you’d always kiss him to shut him up before moving on to do your own skincare routine.

When you’d get into bed, Joe would already be in there, giving his phone a last once-over before he’d scoot down and get comfortable.

This time, however, when you walked into his bedroom, the lights were already off, and it looked like Joe was already falling asleep.

This soft man.

So sleepy.

He was all messy curls and bare arms, duvet tucked under them, curled up right in the middle of his bed. You slid in and cuddled up right behind him, hips against his bum, chest to his back.

You were right.

Joe was already falling asleep.

You pushed a leg in between his for warmth and snuck an arm around his front.

“You’re crazy,” you whispered into the skin of his shoulder which prompted Joe to grab hold of your hand and pull it into his chest so you were hugging him properly. The big spoon to his small one. Then he just hummed as you pressed a small kiss to his warm skin there.

“So crazy.” you nuzzled into his pillow, your nose rubbing his back as you did, and you felt how he ducked his head down to press a small kiss to your fingers.

You fell asleep warm, comfortable, and smiling.

You woke up in the same way.

Just on your stomach now, and with Joe’s heavy limbs slung over your body. When you turned over, it woke Joe up, and for five blissful early morning minutes, you tried crawling into each other’s skin as best you could. Breathed each other’s breath and tasted each other’s skin. Stroked hands underneath clothes and had fingers crawling into underwear, just to touch and to hold.

When you quietly asked if Joe wanted coffee, he groaned and told you to shut up. He was able to feel you giggle to that, and he could cry with how happy he felt in that moment. Why would you have to go and ruin it by getting up to go and make coffee?

“Five more minutes.”

“Mmm... it’s never just five.”

Joe sighed, “Just five.” speech slurring with early morning drowsiness and then burrowed himself into you even more.

And fine.

Joe could have five more minutes.

But then they easily turned into twenty, because they always did, and you had to eventually bribe Joe with breakfast for him to let you go so you could sit up.

“If you take a slow shower, I’ll have it ready when you finish.” You looked over your shoulder where Joe, still with his eyes closed, smiled widely. His nose was slightly red from pressing it into your skin, and his bedhead made you have to suppress a giggle that you hid by leaning down to press a kiss to his forehead before you got out.

Joe barely even felt that little grain of bad in his chest when he thought of how much he loved you.

Because he did.

Joe fucking loved you.

There was going to be a moment soon where he was just going to have to say it. It was going to spill out of him in some other way if he wouldn’t simply use the words, he just knew it.

Joe loved you as he watched through squinty eyes how you reached for a pair of white socks of his to borrow.

Loved you as he watched you pull one of his old sweaters over your head before you walked out, bare legs still on show.

Loved you when he stepped into his living room after his shower to the smell of burnt toast and scrambled eggs and coffee.

Loved you as he watched you step onto a chair in the corner of his room, wet dishcloth in hand to remove the strings of dust you had scolded him over the night before.

Loved you as he felt what the sight of your stretched body, your bare tighs, and the little peep of your bum did to him inside of his boxers.

Loved you as he groaned and let his head fall onto the counter, having to breathe through it, because you were just cleaning his living room, and not giving him a sensual striptease act or whatever.

Loved you as you looked back over your shoulder, raising your eyebrows in surprised confusion before accusingly asking, “Really, Joe? Cleaning?”

Loved you as he stutteringly defended the blood rush down south by saying, “You have no idea what you look like right now.” into his elbow where he had to hide his face for a second.

Loved you, loved you.

He was hardly able to deny any of it.

And he didn’t feel that he had to, either.

Because, you were there. In his flat. In his clothes. Cleaning his dusty ceiling corners. And wasn’t that just something he wanted to tell the whole fucking world about?

That small little green grain of doubt and worry and negativity dried out and got no sunshine to really grow into anything. Thank fuck.

He got to ignore it for a while.

Forgot about it entirely, and pretended it wasn’t even there for a bit.

It was easy.

Joe loved you.

He knew he did.

Would tell you soon.

Didn’t know how.

Or where.

But he was going to say it.

He was going to use his words because he was just a normal guy who loved a normal girl and you weren’t being weirdly secretive about what you got up to in private. At least, not how you used to be, anyway.

Joe loved you.

You brought Joe flowers and cleaned his ceiling and wore his clothes and cooked his breakfast.

Joe loved you, even though your new flatmate Josh turned out to be impossibly good-looking in addition to being incredibly kind as well, so Joe didn’t even get to have a real reason to dislike him at all, which seemed unfair, but, all right.

Joe loved you, even when suddenly two shiny black acoustic guitars appeared on your living room wall, because Josh worked in music, and wasn’t that just so cool?

Joe loved you, even though his very first thought after that was, well I know how to play guitar too, don’t I?! which you had never even mentioned before.

Joe loved you, even when he walked into your flat one evening and interrupted a dinner you were having with Josh and one of your friends and, look, Josh cooked for us, and for the first time ever, he felt uninvited and intruding.

Joe loved you, even when your friend jokingly said, “You’re over here at lot for someone that moved out.” right to his face, to which you then heartily laughed, because she was only joking, Joe, and then you didn’t say anything about how you were together, but, you were together... weren’t you?

Joe loved you, even when he stuck to the bit and handed you his flat key like he always did, expecting to find it in his coat pocket later, but then ended up finding both his pockets empty when he went home the next morning, which, yea actually, that made sense, because Josh lived there now, and it was a little weird to have a key still, wasn’t it?

Joe loved you, even when you had told him to come over on Friday evening because you’d had a shit day at work, and for the first time ever, he had to ring the doorbell to get inside.

Joe loved you, even when Josh was the one that answered the door, and Josh almost didn’t let him in, telling him, “Oh, she’s fallen asleep on the sofa, mate.” to which Joe just smiled as he stepped around him, because what the fuck did Josh even know about falling asleep on the sofa in this flat?

Joe loved you, even when he found you asleep on the sofa, curled up under a blanket he’d never seen before, with an empty pizza box bar some crusts still on the coffee table, and you never ate a whole pizza yourself, so that was obviously shared with someone else.

Joe loved you.

He knew he did.

But there was a playstation besides the TV now, and a cool record player on the side, pile of vinyl next to it, and, God.

Joe fucking hated this.

Whatever was inside of Joe’s chest, that thing he didn’t even want in there, was growing.

Was getting fed without Joe even fully realising he was feeding it.

He hated those guitars. He hated that he no longer had a key. He hated that stupid blanket. And he hated that empty pizza box.

Still, he sat down beside you and placed your socked feet onto his lap. Watched the last scenes of whatever film you’d put on as he slowly kneaded a foot and let you sleep, and he tried his best to not get bitten. To not let it sink its teeth in. To not let it hurt.

It was silly.

Joe was being silly.

Rational thought saved him.

Rational thought told him he still loved you.

And he hoped rational thought was going to be enough.

---

The Taglisted

@ali-in-w0nderland, @alwayslindie, @babybluebex, @capricornrisingsstuff, @chaoticgood-munson,

@choke-me-eddie, @demonsanddemogorgons, @did-it-work, @dirtyeddietini, @djoseph-quinn,

@dolcevit4, @eddies-puppet, @emma-munson, @emotionaldreamer, @everythinghasafacee,

@figmentofquinn, @ghost-proofbaby, @ghostinthebackofyourhead, @hanahkatexo, @harringtonfan4,

@hazelenys, @jewellethief, @joesquinns, @keikoraven, @kennedy-brooke,

@lovelyblueness, @manda-panda-monium, @mandyjo8719, @mexicanfolklore, @munsonluvrr,

@munson-mjstan, @nadixq, @nglharry, @notverywise, @pepperstories,

@phyllosilicate-s, @royale1803, @sherrylyn628, @sidthedollface2, @solzi1420,

@songforeddiemunson, @sweetberry47, @take-everything-you-can, @thebellenouvelle, @tlclick73,

@werepartnersnow, @winterwakesthewolf, @witchwolflea, @yelyahcardella, @yunirgo

taglist currently full, sorry

#Joseph Quinn #Joe Quinn #Joseph Quinn x You #Joe Quinn x You #Joseph Quinn x Reader #Joe Quinn x Reader #Joe Quinn Fanfic #Joe Quinn fanfiction #Joseph Quinn Fanfic #Joseph Quinn Fanfiction #joe quinn x y/n #joseph quinn x y/n #icallhimjoey #define close #explain us #reinvent love

[woodchuck019]

Crowley was Raphael?

WARNING: MAJOR GOOD OMENS 2 SPOILERS

Ok, so in the last few years we all enjoyed the headcanon that Crowley was the Archangel Raphal pre-Fall. To be completely honest, in season one this theory didn't make a lot of sense because we knew basically nothing about Crowley as an angel except for the fact that he helped create the stars and fell because he asked too many questions. So, even though it was a nice and interesting theory, I thought it would remain that, a theory.

Well, seems like this theory is basically confirmed now at the end of season 2. But let's start at the beginning.

First, we have to talk about the Hierarchy of Angels in Christianity. This Hierarchy was theorized by Pseudo-Dionysius the Areopagite in his book De Coelesti Hierarchia (On the Celestial Hierarchy). Dionysius described nine levels of spiritual beings which he grouped into 9 orders.

Highest orders:

Seraphim

Cherubim

Thrones

Middle orders:

Dominions

Virtues

Powers

Lowest orders:

Principalities

Archangels

Angels

Now, a lot of people asked Neil why the Archangels have so much power if they are so low in the Hierarchy and he said that he and Terry actually tought of archangels and Archangels as different beings.

So we have the arch-angels, in thre sense of being just above the lowest Choir of angels, and then we have the Arch-angels, in the sense of being above all angels.

Actually, the term archangel itself is not found in the Hebrew Bible or the Christian Old Testament, and in the Greek New Testament the term archangel is used referring to Michael, who is called 'one of the chief princes,' and 'the great prince'.

The idea of seven archangels is most explicitly stated in the apocryphal Book of Tobit when Raphael reveals himself, declaring: "I am Raphael, one of the seven angels who stand in the glorious presence of the Lord, ready to serve him."

In Judaism the Archangels are given the title of śārīm, meaning "princes", to show their superior rank and status, so they are also called "Princes of Heaven".

In season 2 episode 6, when Crowley is in Heaven trying to find any info on Gabriel, Muriel gives him the missing Archangel's file explaining that even if they wanted, they couldn't show it to him, since only angels above the rank of Dominions could access it. Immediately after, without putting in any effort, Crowley opens the file, saying that he was an angel once and they never bothered to change passwords. (I totally read a fic like this btw).

When the Archangel Saraquel meets them and recognises Crowley, she says that they worked together on the Horsehead Nebula. So Crowley must have been pretty high up in the ranks if he worked with an Archangel.

When they show us the scene of the trial, Gabriel is ready to be cast down to Hell, but the Metatron stops him and says:

"You are not going to hell. For one Prince of Heaven to be cast into the outer darkness makes a good story. For it to happen twice makes it look like there is some kind of institutional problem."

So we know that one of the Seven Archangels has Fallen, and it could be Lucifer, even though in the bible it is never stated that he was an archangel, but wouldn't they have said so if it were the case?

Also in episode 2, when Shax tells Crowley that Heaven and Hell think Aziraphale has something to do with Gabriel's disappearence, she says:

"A miracle of enormous power happened last night. The kind of miracle only the mightiest of Archangels could've performed".

Reminds you of something? Raphael, one of the mightiest of Archangels?

I really hope they will confirm the theory in season 3.

#go2 spoilers #good omens spoilers #good omens #crowley was raphael #antony j crowley #ineffable husbands #neil gaiman #good omens 2

[circeyoru]

Surprise, Surprise, I’m Here to Watch = Requested

[Hazbin Hotel x 3 Powers Granted!Reader]

Did you think it was possible? No way. Did you embrace it? Oh yes baby

That random lamp you ordered off the internet to fill your cart to get some discount was not garbage. 3 wishes. Anything. Oh, you didn’t want immortality, no, living is a pain. Wealth, you’re not putting a target on your back. Perfect health, that’s like immortality, so no. More wishes, come on, don’t think you can lie your way with this. Don’t be greedy

“First one. Power to travel between universe, and I mean that as in non-fiction and fictional worlds. Second one. Shapeshifting powers, like I don’t want the pain that comes along as well if you can. Third one. Uhhh. Perfect stealth? Like no one will be able to know I’m here until I let them.”

“Are you sure you want to use all your wishes in one-go? I’ll be gone once it’s granted.” The genie blinked at the swiftness. Usually people would think forever or save them up for extreme cases

“Yeah, yeah, hurry up and grant me my wishes. I don’t imagine you like to entertain me for long anyways.” You waved the genie off and in a poof and a snap (should have been “A wap! Bam! Boom! Alakazam!”) you were granted those exact powers

Now being a hardcore shut-in addicted to all things fiction, you tested out your powers first to see if you were dreaming. Then you trained yourself a bit with them and tested their limits. In the meantime, you debated on which universe to go to officially. “Has to be Hazbin Hotel.”

You were obsessed, like majorly obsessed with the show. The moment news came about season 1, you prepared yourself and watched them first thing! You watched more than once, having to remember the lines and songs by heart. Nothing beats watching it unfold in real life or fiction life

Maybe it was because you were kind to the genie (being quick about your wishes) that when you traveled to other universes, time in the real world, your world stops until you’re back. You thanked the genie mentally and honest feel a bit guilty that you shooed them off so quickly. But you’ll make it up with fully using your powers

You figured out everything, a demon and angel form (check the ask) and when to go. You did like Lucifer’s entrance to the show. So why not episode 5? You snapped your fingers, opening a portal before you. You closed your eyes to imagine your demon form, a ring appeared over the top of your head and travelled down, shifting your form to what you pleased. Then you got your bag with your phone and charger and you were ready!

You activated your stealth before entering. Like some fanfiction written about the environment, it was that horrid. If you were in human form, you think you’d die like not even pass out but straight up die from inhaling whatever was in the air. You don’t think any human can survive a second here

Like when traveling to other universes, you weren’t where you wanted and have to travel around. You went straight for the Happy (Hazbin) Hotel, noting the various shops and demons around you, taking out your phone, you recorded your way to mark down locations since this was no longer a fictional place the moment you entered

While you shapeshifted into a demon, you can die. Your body acted on the laws of your world no matter where you went. Your powers of shapeshifting gave you the physiology of a demon and maybe some common powers that other demons have. That was if you traveled to this world first, during your testing period, you went to other worlds and ended up with other powers, though they can’t compare to the ones the genie granted you, it was still power. You can confidentially say you weren’t human anymore

Humming with interest, you climbed into the hotel lobby through an open window so as not to alert the demons inside. Well, you didn’t even need to when you saw everyone preparing for Lucifer’s arrival. You looked up to see Alastor’s annoyed look as he observed the situation in silence. Everything was on track

Delightfully, you recorded everything on your phone, keeping quiet as best you could. Even more excited when you found out that Alastor could be captured on your phone. You followed the plotlines as it was intended, but you have to say witnessing Alastor threaten Husk into silence was more terrifying than you thought. You almost dropped your phone from your shaking hands

You were tempted to help Husk, but you decided against it and went to where Charlie, Vaggie, and Lucifer would be. You watched everything for there onwards. Since that balcony would be the perfect place to record Alastor’s Radio Demon show. But you made it down in time to see Lucifer agreeing to get that meeting with Heaven

Before you followed the couple to Heaven, since there was time, you lazed around town without your stealth active. You had the pleasure of testing your demonic powers and appearance. Sinners and demons alike were hooked, you happily showed them not to mess with you. Soon rumours came about saying a mysterious demon was cruelly killing any that dares to address you. Perhaps you should have kept things on the down low

That little hiccup didn’t stop you from following Charlie and Vaggie to Heaven, you went as far as to appear angelic with another form to travel around without your stealth. It was safer in Heaven after all. You having more wings allowed you easy access to the courthouse as well, you seated gracefully among the other angels and watched the scene untold like the script

You noticed the angelic beings near you start to eye you questionably as you recorded the scene below you without a care, even giggling and chuckling at some moment like you were watching a show. Thing is, it was a show, they all were characters of another’s creation and they didn’t even know it! Your odd actions were nothing compared to the drama happening

Proved that you were only noticed officially when the song came to its end and your giggles were heard out and clear. Your wings fluttered as you stood in front of Charlie and Vaggie, the two smaller wings by the side of your head covering your face

You elegantlly mocked aloud, targeting at Adam and Lute. “I always wondered why angels were given a free pass to everything, including the use of unholy words like a demon and committing action like a demon. Perhaps,” Your smaller wings parted for your golden eyes to stare and glare at Adam, “You are the one that belonged in Hell instead of that poor soul.”

Enraged, Adam sent you three back to Hell with the threat that he’d attack the hotel first. Your wings hid your face again the moment you three were back in the hotel lobby. As Charlie remember you being sent to Hell with them, she turned to you to apologize, only to find you in demon form. Her eyes confused as you turned to look at her. “No harm done, princess. I was never a soul in that place anyways. I had to say something to that piece of work known as the first man.”

Using their shocked and confused moment, you actived your stealth before they could question you anything else. You was fun to watch them fret over your disappearance like you were a child and they a parent, you stuck around since the battle was drawing closer. You’d follow the plotline to go into Charlie’s room, but she needed her privacy and you only went when Vaggie did

Later on, you went with Charlie to Cannibal Town. You wanted to see Rosie! The lovely demon that only officially made her debut much later. You had to record the song as well, though you missed Camilla’s sadly. You also took note of the VoxTech drone that watched the scene, you couldn’t help but shot it out of the sky with a rock

When the battle happened, you were away from Alastor in the beginning and helped out behind the scenes, shooting down exterminators that breached the ‘front line’ or threatened to harm/kill Rosie’s people. You (for the first time) didn’t record a moment since it was intense and you didn’t want to accidentally die or get hurt

You nudged Niffty in Adam’s direction when it was sprouting nonsense that you want jump out your skin for. Then you recorded the stab moment. A scene that many loved after the episode was aired. There was another that you watched, Lucifer’s comment before his and Adam’s ‘fight’ began. You honestly couldn’t hold yourself and laughed like you did when you rewatched the episode so many times

Then you were moving in the speed of light to record their final song. Even going to Alastor’s destroyed tower to get his part. And you rushed back to to hotel later to get the rest of it. You had one hell of a leg work and accidentially dropped your stealth due to tiredness

“You’re that demon that was angel but not!” You heard Angel’s voice shouted and saw his four arms pointed at you.

“Yeah, I have a name, so…” You trailed off, wanting to not be in the spotlight, you’re honestly scared to be involve because the later seasons were not released and you didn’t want anything to be affected. “Bye?”

“No way! We’re celebrating with us!” Charlie quickly wrapped her arm to hook one of yours, Vaggie followed and stood on your other side as her girlfriend continued, “Don’t think I didn’t notice some exterminators falling and dying for no reason!”

Yeah, people saying Charlie was more powerful than she led on was right on the money, even in that chaotic scene she noticed your involvement

You sighed and gave in, no turning back now, “Fine. Fine. I guess I deserve some celebration too.”

Note: I’ll be completely honest, this one, I had no idea how to write. Plus it was different from what I usually write. This is more like a Reader Insert than anything. Hope you enjoyed it though!

Circe Y.

MASTERLIST

Taglist: (requested individual)

@no1sillybilly

#SurpriseSurpriseI’m Here to Watch #alastor imagine #alastor x reader #alastor x y/n #alastor x you #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel alastor #alastor headcanons #hazbin hotel fanfiction #alastor #hazbin hotel oneshots #Circe's requested writings #Circe's Nighty Writings #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel x you #hazbin hotel x y/n

[thefirstlioveyou]

What will Mike and Will's S5 Fight Be About?

Shawn Levy basically confirme/implied another angsty Byler fight for S5.

But, what will it be about? Some think it'll be about the painting, but personally, I don't think so at all. I believe the fight will be about Mike's internalized homophobia; Mike will be afraid to romantically be with Will and it hurts Will.

First off, I don't think Mike would be mad for him hiding his feelings or lying about the painting. The sole purpose of the painting lie is to open a gate way to Mike knowing how Will feels about him. It's a set up. Why would he be mad that it was Will who thought those amazing things about him? He's in love with Will.

Now, let's see the common traits that all Byler fights have:

miscommunication, but they both want the same thing

is about their relationship

mike projecting

happens pretty early on, episodes 3-4

triggered by a shift in their relationship/mike doing something

they are alone

It's pretty predictable that S5 will focus on Mike's feelings for Will and be in Will's position this time. He's gonna be a yearning, gay mess! However, it doesn't make sense to copy every little thing as that wouldn't bring anything new to the table. It would quite frankly feel lazy and boring.

I actually believe they will be honest about how they feel episodes 3-4 (after Mike discovers the truth about the painting, what would be the shift in their relationship), and it will be a very angsty scene rather than a happily-ever-after moment (for now). Here's how I picture it: Will wants a relationship with Mike, Mike wants one too, but he's reluctant to because of the shame and bit of denial still lingering.

As understanding as one can be in this situation, it's also hurtful to hear on the receiving end. I can imagine it makes Will very upset. After so long of waiting for Mike, waiting to see if his feelings could be reciprocated, he finally gets it but doesn't get to keep it because of the shame Mike feels. Will does indeed feel like a mistake for his sexuality but, as he also states, Mike makes him feel otherwise. So, if he heard the same person that makes him feel better for who he is, say he's wrong for being the same thing he is.... that would HURT Will terribly. In Will's eyes, he will truthfully believe Mike doesn't want him, even if in Mike's POV, he wants nothing more than Will. This is where the miscommunication comes in play.

This is a real thing that happens in many Queer relationships even to today, when one is ready and the other is not yet. There is no bad guy (unless cheating, abuse, etc is involved of course) in these type of situations. You can sympathize with both sides... Which makes this a perfect fight to watch as the audience; it wouldn't make you hate either of the characters.

Some people say Mike’s accepted his sexuality by the end of S4, but I feel like if he did, it wouldn’t really be a good set up for him to be Vecna’d in S5. His struggle with who he is and his relationship with El is crucial to S5. If we keep Mike struggling with his sexuality and his trauma regarding El, this gives a purpose for him to be Vecna'd, which is the perfect way to explain a lot of his character the past seasons. Similar to how Max escaped Vecna the first time, Mike would do something similar (with the help of others, of course). He will have to accept the mistakes he's made, accept past events that were out of his control and accept who he is, or let himself die. Rather than focus so much on saving others or being needed to others, he must save himself now, for himself. He has to finally believe he is the heart. Finally confronting and accepting what he can't change will bring his character and his relationships to a full circle. It would explain his dynamic with El and Will the whole series. He will finally have the self-confidence he lost.

As much as people want Byler to have an established relationship in S5, I don't think that's likely. With a fight already implied to happen again (most likely early on), it wouldn't make much sense? They're a slow burn on top of that... The season is building up to them being together, it's not them already together (at least I don't think so).

The writers can obviously find a different route, but I feel like this would work and fit well. It would save Mike's character perfectly and it connects with the Mike being vecna'd, or at least in danger, theories; It gives it more purpose.

I just can't really imagine what else the fight would be about. It has to be about their relationship and it has to be about it changing in some way. Mike's weird behavior still needs to be explained... so I would think the fight has to be connected to the reason for that behavior. The fight would then be about his internalized homophobia. And if it is, it has to be explicitly about it, not just subtext like S3 fight.

Rather than “It’s not my fault you don’t like girls” and insulting Will, Mike straight up will have to be like, “I’m scared, what if this is wrong? I don’t know how to do this.” “This isn’t right.” This time Mike will be direct how he feels about HIMSELF, but Will would still be hurt because this is the same guy that made him feel better for being Gay…

If this is how the fight plays out, lord hold me because I won’t survive it😭😭😭

#writing this in one go with no revision #byler #mike wheeler #will byers #stranger things

[janaispunk]

it’s the season

part of the space sisters secret santa 2023 - for @pascalispretty, merry christmas sophie! 🫶🏻

pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

word count: ~ 1.8k

summary: Joel had promised his daughters that they would bake Christmas cookies this weekend - which turns out to be more complicated than he had anticipated. Fortunately, their new neighbor next door can help.

tags: AU! no outbreak, Joel has both of his daughters, FLUFF, hints at reader’s sad backstory but nothing specific, mentions of alcohol consumption, able-bodied reader, I think that’s it? Let me know if I missed something <3

dividers by @/saradika-graphics 🫶🏻

full masterlist here

follow @janaispunknotifs and turn on notifications for fic updates

shoutout to @reddedmiller for holding my hand while writing this and convincing me that it’s not trash, i love you bby <3

It’s Sunday, one week until Christmas, and Joel Miller is beginning to lose his mind.

His daughters had been bugging him about baking Christmas cookies with them for weeks, and he wants nothing more than to make them happy, but while Joel is many things, he’s certainly not a baker.

Work has been hectic lately, which apparently led to him forgetting to buy the ingredients that the girls swear up and down they had requested several times.

He’s had to sent Sarah to ask one of their neighbors to lend them something twice now and by the looks of it, he’s gonna have to do it a third time. She groans and insists to take Ellie with her this time, complaining about how this is “sooooo embarrassing, Dad!”

You furrow your brow when your doorbell rings for the third time in half an hour, a slightly disbelieving look on your face when you open the door and once again reveal the young girl from next door standing on your porch, this time accompanied by who you think is her younger sister.

You only moved into the house a month ago and don’t really know any of your neighbors, except for the elderly couple that lives a few houses over. They had introduced themselves hours after you moved in and have tried to invite you to come to Sunday church with them several times, an invitation that you consistently decline.

You know the girls though, you often see them through your windows, constantly pestering their father, who constantly fends them off in a kind of gruffy but clearly loving manner.

The girl who had introduced herself as “Sarah” when she first came by thirty minutes ago to ask for baking powder smiles at you apologetically.

“Hi… again. I’m so sorry, do you by any chance have cinnamon as well?”

You can't help but laugh this time. “What are you guys even doing over there? I think I do, why don’t you come in while I go check?” They nod and follow you into your kitchen where you start digging through your supply of baking ingredients.

“Our Dad said he’d bake Christmas cookies with us today, but he forgot to get the groceries for it,” the other girl explains. “I’m Ellie, by the way.” You smile and tell her your name, then hand over the cinnamon to them.

“That’s very sweet of your Dad,” you remark, “I’m sure he’s trying his best.”

Ellie’s eyes fly over your neatly organized collection of ingredients and baking utensils, then her face lights up with an idea.

“Hey! You look like you’re a good baker and our Dad is really struggling to be honest. Do you want to come over and join us?”

“Ellie,” Sarah argues, “you can’t just invite people like that, I’m sure she has plans already.”

You don’t, to be fair, but you’ve never spoken to their father before, who’s rather giving the impression that he likes to keep to himself.

“Oh, I wouldn’t want to intrude…” you begin, when Sarah looks around herself and notices that you don’t have any Christmas decorations up around your house.

“Or do you not celebrate Christmas?” she asks, “You obviously don’t have to come if that’s not…”

Your heart warms at how considerate the young girl is trying to be. “No I do, I just didn’t…” you trail off, not sure how to explain that it feels pointless putting up decorations just for yourself and that you don’t want the reminders that it will be the first Christmas in your life that you’ll be spending completely alone. You shake your head and plaster a smile on your face. You do like baking and maybe this will help getting you into the spirit.

“You know what? Okay, if it’s alright with your Dad, I’ll come over and see how I can help.”

Both girls beam at you and you follow them over to their house, where you find their Dad elbows deep in a mixing bowl with dough sticking to his fingers and swearing to himself under his breath. You feel awkward and definitely like an intruder but the girls’ mouths are going a mile a minute, explaining how you had soooo many baking supplies and that you had agreed to help them.

Their Dad introduces himself as “Joel” and you feel your cheeks heating when you notice how attractive he is up close. You had already thought that when you’ve seen him from afar, but now that you’re standing in his kitchen, it really hits you. Trying to snap out of it, you take a closer look at the dough that he’s fighting with.

“This needs more flour, then it’ll be less sticky,” you mutter, suddenly feeling a bit shy, and go to add it to the mix in his bowl. He huffs a “Thanks” and you smile, still fighting the heat in your cheeks but also feeling excitement buzz through you as your hand brushes against his when you pull back.

The girls kick back into action then, throwing several recipes at you that they want to try and you do your best to coordinate it all, running back to your place for ingredients several times, accompanied by an apologetic look from Joel every time, but you honestly don’t mind. His daughters are adorable and you’re having more fun than you’ve had in months.

Sarah turns on the radio and Christmas songs sound through the kitchen. With the music in your ear and the smell of freshly baked cookies in your nose, you feel at ease, comfortable.

When all the cookies are baked and thoroughly taste tested, the girls retreat to their rooms on the upper floor, leaving you and Joel alone in the kitchen. You find that you don’t want to leave, don’t want to go back to that big empty house where it’s just you, not now that you’ve basked in the warmth of this family home right next to yours all day. And just maybe, you want to spend more time with Joel.

“I have a bottle of pretty good red wine, shall I go and bring that? Half of my kitchen’s contents are here already” you joke and Joel laughs.

“I’m sorry about that, I’m usually better prepared, but work’s been crazy these weeks and the girls insisted on baking today, so…” He scratches his neck and you smile at him.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ve had a great time today. Finally got me into the holiday spirit a bit, I kinda really needed that.”

You walk over and take the wine bottle back to his place where you sit down in the living room, the Christmas tree that has been mostly decorated by the girls shining in the corner and the several strings of fairy lights that Sarah has spread all over the room glowing around you.

You feel a warmth and comfort that you haven’t felt in a long time, but also a kind of envy for this feeling of family, of how clearly this man and the two girls belong together, how their house is basically imbued with love for each other. A feeling that you’re not sure you’ve ever had, but that you suddenly find yourself desperately longing for.

“So…” Joel begins, a faint expression of uncertainty on his face. “Is it just you over there, or…?” You understand what he’s asking and nod, a wry smile playing around your lips.

“Yeah, it’s- it’s a bit of a long story, really, but yes, it’s just me.” The understanding is clear on his face and he doesn’t push you, sensing that you don’t want to expand on the subject and you’re grateful.

You still talk about both of your pasts, where you grew up, where you went to school, learning that Joel lost his parents when he was young, only two years after he had Sarah, how it had been just the both of them in the beginning, with the addition of his younger brother whom he speaks of with the loving kind of exasperation that only an older sibling can muster up, and how he adopted Ellie a few years later.

You finish the bottle quicker than you would like to, and when Joel walks you home and you’re both stood in front of your door, you’re drunk on more than the red wine, a happiness in your veins that warms you from within.

Joel clears his throat, his eyes trained on your face.

“Listen, I don’t want ya to feel pressured or nothin’, but would you want to come over for Christmas Eve? ‘S just me an’ the girls, nothin’ fancy, just-“ he shrugs, his hands buried in his pockets, “don’t like the thought of you alone in this house on Christmas.”

It might be embarrassing how quickly you say “yes”, but you can’t bring yourself to feel that way. A smile stretches across Joel’s face as he tells you “good night” and kisses your cheek before you step into your house and watch him walk back to his.

Christmas at the Miller household is one of the best evenings that you’ve ever had. Sarah and Ellie have gone all out on the decorations now that they have a guest, leaving twinkling lights, glitter and ornaments in every corner and on every surface, Joel makes a surprisingly good dinner, you’re playing board games with the girls that dissolve into fights between them most of the time, everyone is talking over each other and you’re all eating chocolate until you’re sick with the sugar high.

Late in the evening, with both of the girls softly snoring on the couch, tangled up in each other like two overly large kittens, Joel and you are sharing another bottle of wine. You feel so full of happiness that you feel like you might burst, a smile on your face that feels like it’s never gonna leave again.

When it’s time for you to go home, Joel stands with you and walks with you to his front door. “Thank you again, for inviting me,” you smile at him, “this was probably the best Christmas Eve that I’ve ever had.”

He nods, his gaze dancing between your eyes and your lips.

“Merry Christmas,” you murmur, butterflies erupting in your stomach. He leans in and you hesitantly do the same. Before you can overthink it, you cradle his face in your hands and pull him towards you, your lips meeting in a soft kiss.

“Merry Christmas,” he whispers against your lips.

i hope you liked this!!! merry christmas and happy holidays 🫶🏻

#space sisters secret santa 2023 #janas fics #joel miller x reader #pedro pascal #joel miller #the last of us #the last of us fanfiction #joel and sarah #joel and ellie #joel tlou #joel miller x you #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller fluff

[outsideratheart]

The Ashley Sanchez Future With You (maybe something leading up to a proposal?)

- Writer

An Italian sunrise with a surprise (Ashley Sanchez x reader)

The off season was in full effect. You had taken a trip with your friends, your girlfriend included of course, and now you were in Italy on a family vacation.

After your conversation with Ashley you began to seriously consider marrying your girlfriend. The first thing on your to do list was find a ring that suited her and that showed how much you loved her. Much to your surprise this was rather easy. Instead of traipsing round every jewellery shop in the city, you decided to design one yourself. A one of a kind ring for a one of a kind woman.

The sun was barely visible over the horizon as you sat on the balcony. You had been up for just over an hour, your thoughts had been too loud for you to sleep.

On the table in front of you laid a velvet box.

This is where you would do it. It’s had been planned out for months. All you had to do was keep it together until then.

“Baby, it’s still early. Come back to bed” Ashley hoped to bury herself into your arms, not turn to find an empty bed.

“Watch the sunrise with me, Ash” you turn to face her and hold your hand out.

You can see her thinking about it. Ashley was many things but a morning person was not one of them.

“Please” it was a plea backed with softness.

She shook her head before grabbing on of your t-shirts. Once out on the balcony she takes her place on your lap and sees the reason why you had asked her to stay with you. The sunrises in Italy were the most beautiful she had ever seen.

“What’s this?” Ashley goes to reach for the box but you quickly take it off her. Deep down she knew what it was and she didn’t want to ruin whatever you had planned.

“It’s not in there. Look” you opened the box to show her it was empty.

“Would a ring have been in there?”

“It does look like one would fit” you tease her “would you still say yes?”

That night in your childhood home has turned into a core memory. It changed everything in your mind. It cemented just how much Ashley loved you and how much you loved her.

“I would. If I’m being honest I thought you would have asked by now. You never have been the most patient person”

It’s like something clicked. Ashley was right, you aren’t patient. When you want something you get it and for the last couple of months you have wanted nothing more than to make Ashley your fiancée.

“Wait here!” You use your strength to lift her up and place her gently on the chair the two of you were sat on.

You all but run to your parent’s room which was at the end of the hall. You knock rapidly on the door hoping that one of your parent would be up.

“Hi dad. It’s time. I need it” you don’t say anything else and a few second later he comes back with the ring.

“Don’t stress. Keep it simple”

Don’t stress. It’s like he didn’t know you at all.

Ashley is in the exact same place where you left her when you return. When she looks at you, you have no doubt that this is the best decision you will ever make.

“You gave it to your dad, didn’t you?” A smirk is plastered on her face.

“Yes I did. You’re a snooper so you left me with no choice”

You took a deep breath. Keep it simple, that’s what your dad said. You got down on one knee and took Ashley’s left hand in your own.

“For many years I have known you are the one for me. It wasn’t like a switch flipped. I just remember waking up one morning and realising that I never want to wake up without you. Everything that life has to offer, I want to experience with you. I have loved being able to call you mine for the last 8 years but I know I’ll love this next chapter even more”

Ashley listened to every word you said. She could have interrupted you and said yes straight away but she wanted to savour this moment.

“I love you with all my heart Ashley Sanchez and right here, right now, I promise to love you and cherish you until the end of time. Will you marry me?”

“Y/L/N, I told you once before that I would marry you and now I will tell you again. Yes, yes. A million times yes”

#woso x reader #uswnt x reader #Ashley Sanchez x reader

[distinguishedstudentfishalien]

AHHH ok, let's talk about Lucifer and Alastor

I've been reading a lot of reactions to Hazbin: from the gushers who think the show is perfect to the hyper-critical who hate the show, the creator, and everything in between. I don't fall into any of those categories. I had a lot of fun watching it, but there were some things I liked, and some others I didn't. You know, as it's usually the case with any piece of media one interacts with.

I love reading other people's opinions. It makes me pay more attention to things I might have missed. BUT for Hazbin, most of the criticism I've seen boils down to two things: either "I, personally, didn't like it, so that means it's bad" which is not the hot take people seem to think it is, or just lack of media literacy.

I won't go over all the examples of that last point (there are plenty), but one example people are using to criticize the show --which I can't seem to get out of my head so now I have to write about it-- it's how out of left field it was for Alastor to think of himself as a father figure to Charlie.

My guys and guysettes, that's because he doesn't.

He does it to piss off Lucifer, because he doesn't like him. That's it.

"But they just met, why doesn't he like him?" I don't know! but let's go over some examples, shall we?

In the first episode, during Alastor's TV ad, we see a picture of the hotel, clearly drawn by him. I ask you to look to the bottom left where it says "No tacky circus decor! I promise"

Do we know what he is referring to? Sure we do! the ring circus master himself! Lucifer Morningstar, whose whole schtick is circus-related. Clearly, Alastor is not a fan.

When Lucifer arrives to the hotel, did anybody catch Alastor's first reaction? (besides calling him short to his face, ofc)

Do you see that trembling eye? He is PISSED. Why? Who the hell knows! But he clearly does not care for the King of Hell himself (if you force me to give you my opinion on this, I think it's because of Alastor's delusions of grandeur, and plain-ole narcissism, but that is a conversation for another post, if I ever gather enough energy to write it)

He introduces himself and immediately does this. R-U-D-E.

Now, let's talk about the song itself, which, again, is clearly just an attempt to piss off Lucifer and not really about Charlie. At all.

He only cares about Lucifer's reactions. Because he is not being HONEST. We can all see that? right?? I mean, it is pretty FREAKING obvious. He is just trying to get a rise out of Lucifer.

And now, the moment we were all waiting for, the infamous "call me dad" moment.

Which had nothing to do with Charlie, and it was just another example of Alastor being the most annoying bastard alive. He is not even looking at her! He is staring Lucifer dead in the eye and saying "piss off shortie".

Why? Again, I dunno. Your guess is as good as mine. I hope we'll get the answer in season 2, because immediate animosity against the King of Hell himself is something I need some context for. Is it funny? Absolutely! I love that song! The violin solo? PURE GOLD (he he)

But for the love of Christ and the Antichrist, please stop thinking of "Alastor thinks of himself as Charlie's dad out of nowhere" as a valid criticism. As some have speculated, Alastor involvement with Charlie will probably have something to do with Alastor's deal and 7-year absence. If it's never explained, then sure, what the heck Vivzie?? please include it on the show!

There are PLENTY of things we could criticize about Hazbin (and people smarter and with more energy than me have done so already). But there are so many examples of "criticism" that are just examples of "I don't know how to interact with media anymore" and I beg of you to do better. This is a tiny example of the show showing and not telling, and some of y'all failed the comprehension test.

It is a fun show, guys. Enjoy it.

TL;DR: Alastor does not think he is Charlie's dad, ffs. He just wanted to piss off Lucifer.

#and NO #he is NOT jealous #I do not ship Alstor and Charlie #she has a girlfiend #he is an ace in the hole or whatever it is that Rosie said #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel critical #hazbin hotel criticism #lucifer morningstar #lucifer hazbin hotel #my beloved #alastor #alastor hazbin hotel #charlie morningstar #hazbin alastor #hazbin charlie

[peachsayshi]

In any of your future playboy!Getou parts (I know part 4 is in development), will you delve into detail of Getou’s process into gaining the reader’s trust and show her that while he didn’t want to be in a committed relationship before, he does with her now? Another thing, what would/is Shoko’s and Gojou’s reaction to their friend genuinely being in love with the reader and wanting to be with her? Will they like, change their attitudes concerning how they perceived Getou’s relationship with reader (especially shoko since she once told reader, “don’t fall for his bullshit or you’ll be reduced to a number.”” Also, what happened after Getou tried to kiss reader but reader rejected it? Like, it must have been a very awkward situation and I can see like, the reader getting out of there and convincing telling Gojou and/or Shoko that she had to leave cause of an emergency or something and then avoiding Getou after in a more lowkey kinda way so it doesn’t raise concern from Gojou or Shoko

➳  minors / ageless / blank blogs dni  ➳  fic: playboy geto x inexperienced reader

➳  notes: hi, anon! 🧡 so regarding the backstory about playboy geto x reader, I've been dropping small details here and there purely for background plot purposes. I actually don't have any plans to dive further into those details to be honest. the reason is because I plan on ending this specific mini story after part five.

(note: even if the story itself complete I will keep it open for requests for specific hc's or imagines in case anyone asks for it!)

my playboy geto story was only ever meant to be a small drabble, but I was heavily requested to write more parts which is why I did hehe however, I'm more than happy to give some back story for you regarding your questions! (ps. sorry if this answer turns out longer than expected)

what happened after geto tried to kiss the reader and she rejected it:

geto approached you with cunning eyes and a devious grin; when you first met, his intentions weren't in the right place. he saw a pretty face and knew it would look even more beautiful pressed up against his sheets. what he didn't expect was to fall for you in ways which left him dizzy and confused.

at some point during his budding friendship with you, suguru forgot who he was - he failed to remember the reputation that he so masterfully earned: the mystical seducer who lured many into his bed, wrapping his arms around lovers and whispering sweet nothing into their ear, only to leave as quickly as the season turns and having them wonder if any of it was real or simply a magical dream.

he leaned in for that kiss because he was guided by his scrambling heart, tossing logic and truth out the window. he's been spoiled by his confidence because he's never faced rejection before.

I mentioned that it was the point where he knew he had to change, and the reason is because of the distrust in your eyes when you stared at him. for the first time he saw the reflection of the man that he's become; it was a mirror of reality that riddled him with shame.

what happens after is silence, a blanket of tension surrounding you both. the situation isn't awkward necessarily, but the mood is heavy. the both of you are facing truths that you don't particularly want to tackle. your fingers fall to your lap, and you turn away from him.

what eases the pressure in when satoru remerges back into the room with utahime and mei mei. suguru casually leans against the sofa, his eyes still on you as you get up from your seat to approach the crowd. the two of you simply pretend like nothing even happened, but for the rest of the night you're catching the other staring longingly from a distance.

geto's process on gaining the reader's trust, and earning his commitment:

a few days after the kiss, suguru geto asks you out on a date. "you're lovely, and I would like to spend more time with you..." he says while the both of you are standing just outside your front door.

"you seem to have an affinity for lovely things, suguru" you boldly respond, but your eyes are soft looking into his own.

"if that's a no than I'll happily admire you from afar," he admits, his sweet words making your cheeks burn. "just one dinner, and we can see how it goes from there. if you'll have me, of course..."

geto earned the reader's trust through time and patience. his dates with you were always innocent; dinners at his favorite, low key restaurants. long walks in the park, and late night strolls. visits to cultural exhibits and art museums.

with physical intimacy entirely off the table, you started to see the intelligent spectrum of that beautiful mind. this allowed suguru the chance to woo you with his personality alone.

for him, it was a breath of fresh air not losing himself into the daze of passion, and he found himself enjoying the slow pace of romantic descent instead.

one of the key factors that led to this relationship working out was his honesty. suguru could have easily fibbed about his dating history, or choose to omit details. the man knew that it would only blow up in his face eventually, so he just granted the viewing of both the good and the bad.

despite his own reputation, suguru was equally curious about your own personal love life. you were always so quiet about it, barely letting out two sentences whenever he would ask a question or try to prod an answer out of you regarding your own dating history. frustrated with the barrier, he decided to breach the subject on both your pasts while the two of you were hanging out at his place.

"I want us to be able to talk about everything," he said, giving you another sign of just how serious he was about pursuing this relationship.

that night he revealed the secrets of his tainted history. of his pursuits for lovers because the man believed that desire shouldn't be suppressed. that sex and intimacy was a part of the human experience, and one that should be indulged in.

"I've always been an honest man about my intentions. I never made any promises about commitment to anyone," he pointed out, a blush tinting his cheekbones. "It's just that...sometimes people tried to force it on me, and that always led to messy situations"

when you asked him why he chose to carry on without strings, suguru replied that he simply wasn't ready. he revealed that he grew up with so many responsibilities, and he didn't want to tie himself down now that he had his independence.

that night you also disclosed your inexperience. you were so shy about the reveal, embarrassed that a woman your age has gone this long without ever being touched, without ever being kissed. an expression of guilt washes over suguru, and he immediately apologizes for attempting to kiss you at gojo's place in the way that he did.

his thoughtfulness is extremely endearing.

"we are on two completely different sides regarding this," you say with slight apprehension, "I'm just scared to tread this path with you. what if...what if you break my heart?"

"and what if you break mine?"

his question throws you off. you stare at him with puzzled look, like you're unsure if he meant what he asked or if he was just teasing you.

"you don't think that scares me too?" suguru sincerely questions, then takes your hands in his own and brings them close to his chest. "we are different, yes, but we've both never experienced this before," he gives you a reassuring smile, "and I think it's nice to know that we can figure it out together..."

that was the moment you dropped your guard; that was the gesture that secured his slot. from then on, suguru approached every conflict or challenge by simply laying all the cards out on the table.

and it worked every single time.

shoko and gojo's reaction to geto being in love with the reader and wanting to commit:

shoko and gojo definitely had two very different reactions to the situation. they've both known suguru the longest, and have both been witnesses to the cycles of his relationships. sometimes they were even caught in the crossfires of geto's mistakes, losing friends and acquaintances because of his actions.

gojo sees the change in geto first when the two of them are alone together. as a pair they naturally garner attention, but suguru no longer engages himself into any entanglements. his friend makes it clear that his time with you is a priority, and whenever he has doubts on how to approach things, he would turn to satoru for help.

"do you and your girlfriend have plans for tonight?" gojo asks one evening; a part of him using that specific title to see if he can stir even the smallest reaction out of suguru.

"she's not my girlfriend," geto replies with a slight pout and a tiny blush, "well, I haven't asked her yet anyway..."

satoru parts his lips in surprise. he was half expecting suguru to fight him on it, for him to get jitters over the thought of rooting down with somebody. his reaction makes satoru's blue eyes grow tender, and it's almost like he can read geto's thoughts in that moment

he can see the uncertainty, the smallest sprinkle of insecurity, that you might not accept if he did ask.

"you sure about that?" his friend teases to lighten the mood, and bumps his shoulder against geto's, "because you guys definitely act like it"

shoko, on the other hand, took a while to believe that suguru wasn't just playing a long con on your heart. she wasn't supportive about you dating him, and would flat out refuse to hear suguru's side of the situation.

"you don't know how to keep it your pants" she scolds at him over the phone, the two of them having another bickering argument. "does she even know that you hooked up with mei? that you hooked up with utahime?"

suguru groans, "I hooked up with them in high school. that doesn't even count! it's in the past and it doesn't matter..."

"I know this game of yours, suguru. I've seen you play it..." shoko scoffs, "you're dipping your toes into something new, but you'll stop swimming the second you get bored"

"thanks for giving me a chance, sho" suguru coldly responds through gritted teeth, "it's nice to know how highly you think of me."

when suguru and shoko fight they aren't dramatic about it, but they both hold an icy front that would make anyone feel frigid.

you don't know that they stop speaking after that. that they both avoid each other as much as possible, and that gojo stays out of the situation entirely. they kept it under wraps because everyone would still hang out without any issues being brought up.

but the distance is when shoko sees how geto fawns over you, recognizes the small acts of kindness that he mindlessly fulfills when he's by your side. and what completely shifts her perspective is noticing the way he gazes at you when you aren't looking, paying attention to the compassionate radiance that floods over him.

there's a level of guilt that stirs within her. her and satoru have always chastised suguru for his sins; snubbing the fact that the man grew up far too early in his life, that he was the anchor of support for his single mom and two younger sisters up until he left his home.

that he suffered the consequences of a broken commitment.

he's been running way from the duty of responsibility for as long as she can remember. and now that she sees geto in this new light, she almost can't recognize him.

later that night, she catches him alone outside on the patio. instead of walking away, she approaches her dear friend.

"cigarette?" she offers.

suguru looks at her over his shoulder, a tiny smile of relief curling at the corner of his lips. "no, I'm good..."

the two of them stand side by side, watching the waves crash against the sand as a breeze runs over them.

"so, what is it about her?" shoko pries nonchalantly and puffs out a cloud of smoke. "what makes her so different from the rest?"

suguru bites back a grin, "I have an affinity for lovely things, and she is by far the most captivating..."

"what makes you say that?"

"I've never..." he exhales, "I've never been drawn to a person the way I am to her. I've never been greedy about wanting more. There comes a point when I've had my fill, but with her it's like...I can't get enough, like my body is now dependent on more..."

there's a silence that follows his statement.

"she's...she's the one for me, shoko."

shoko nearly drops her cigarette, her brows tugging upward as she watches suguru sheepishly tuck his bottom lip between his teeth. her friend turns to face her and carries on.

"If this doesn't work out, I guarantee you it won't be by my own choice but you'll still have my gratitude because she's the best thing that's ever happened to me..."

shoko knows suguru like he's an extension of herself, and his heartfelt declaration speaks volumes.

she chuckles, her free hand moving to pat his broad shoulder. "I never thought I'd live to see you talking like a lovesick fool..."

"I know right," geto acknowledges, an easy expression highlighting his handsome features.

shoko and gojo don't weaponize geto's past against him after that. their his best friends; they love him and just want him to be happy. if anything, they both become your biggest supporters and they can see how much he's changed and grown for the better while being with you.

#fic: playboy geto x reader #> secret mail 💌 #peach queues.🧡 #geto x reader #geto x you #geto x y/n #geto angst #geto fluff #suguru geto x reader #suguru geto x you

[azaprocky]

┃ pairings ➣ 〔 ❛ charles leclerc x singer!reader❜ 〕

┃ summary ➣ 〔 ❛ a former couple reunites years after they split up, and growth as well as development was the only thing they have similarities now. ❜ 〕

┃ face claim ➣ 〔 ❛ Beabadobee ❜ 〕

┃ warnings ➣ 〔 ❛ swearing, cheating ❜ 〕

I'm doing good, I'm on some new shit, been saying "yes" instead of "no"

your.username

liked by clairo, charles_leclerc and 4,095,145 others

your.username‎ ‎ ‎ SHE IS NOW RELEASED❗ 🫡

I give you my first ever full length album (Your Nickname)topia! i give my warmest gratitude to all of my supporters both old and new, thank you for staying by my side through the rocky roads.

I LOVE YOU ALL SO FCKIN' MUCH! 🫶

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clairo‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ proud of you baby! 💐

lewishamilton‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ❤️❤️❤️

sadiesink ‎ ‎ ‎ my queen 🧎🧎

y/nlovebot‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ we missed you so much mom!

nayeonny‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ she slays every. fucking. time. and she knows it

cl16supremacy ‎ ‎ ‎ did Charles just liked her post?? I'm here for it!

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And if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow, and it's alright now

❝ here goes fucking nothing ❞ (Y/n) sighed as she opened the door entering a secluded cafe in the downtown of Monte Carlo in Monaco, she didn't even know why she agreed to meet up with her ex after 2 years of splitting up or maybe she couldn't handle and grew tired Charles' perseverance to talk about their relationship and opting to stay friends with her after the things that happened between them

"well hello there my favorite singer, it's nice to see you after awhile" Charles greeted the 23 year old singer, standing up and smiling at her "Fuck off, we all know you love Coldplay, and it's not nice to see you again" (Y/n) said in a sarcastic tone rolling her eyes at the driver, earning a slight laugh from him as they side hugged eachother before sitting on the dimly lighted window section of the small cafe

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But we were something, don't you think so?, roaring 20s, tossing pennies in the pool and if my wishes came true It would've been you

It's been clearly 2 years after their split, and even thought the two had known each other all their lives and had been recently talking to eachother time to time (Y/n) is still sensing a bit of awkward tension between them which Charles' had sensed and him deciding to break it with a question "so how's life treating you?" The driver asked smiling at her

"Good I guess, touring around the world made me discover some things about myself and it's a free touring accomodations in some way" The girl answered chuckling in the last part earning a nod from the driver clearly listening to her and smiling "you?, Is Ferrari still treating you like shit?" The Ferrari driver couldn't help but chuckle at what the girl had just said but he couldn't deny it, in a slightest bit it was true

"You could say that, this season has been quite shitty" the monacan driver answered a hint of sadness was quite evident from the way he spoke, (Y/n) couldn't help, she has literally no choice, but to cheer him up by leaning in and patting his shoulder saying "It's still not half of the season right?, you can do it" the girl encourage the driver chuckling a bit

"Anyways how's your life in general?" Charles questioned the singer smiling at her softly, he was genuinely curious on what's happening her life after not seeing her for 2 years and a half

"good, I think I've change quite a lot after the split" (Y/n) answered "How about you?" she questioned sipping her tea "Well I can say the same thing to myself" Charles chuckled a questioned suddenly popped on his mind and it was a risky one...

"Can I be honest?, after our relationship ... did the question 'Maybe we should've worked our differences rather than splitting?" Charles sighed deeply after saying that, god he knew this was so random and out of the bag but he wanted to know

(Y/n) just nodded, she didn't know what words to say at that exact moment, she was shocked truly, but it was true her 19 year old self should've fought to make their relationship better but it was too late now, they have their own spouses and different lives and reputations to live up to

And Charles knew that, he knew that from the bottom of his heart, no matter how much he admired her as a person and an ex lover, he couldn't see himself falling in love with her again.

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I have this dream you're doing cool shit, having adventures on your own

August 12, 2023: two years after the break up.

"Give it up for [stage name]" the host introduces (Y/n) to the audience holding the artist's new album the camera pans to (Y/n) as she started singing a new song from her album

It has been a two years after the break up between one of the IT couples of formula 1, (Y/n) (Y/l/n) and Charles Leclerc, they had dated for almost 3 years before ending their relationship, and between those two years alot had changed.

Charles became one of the most popular and successful formula 1 driver this generation, and is thriving on his own.

your.username‎

liked by golitsynroyals, madisonbeer and 2,367,095 others

your.username‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ playin' in the Jimmy Fallon show tonight 😱 (and also thanks for the over flowing support for (your nickname)topia!)

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While (Y/n) despite having a hiatus, her career in the music industry is sky rocketing, brand deals, guestings and shows left and right.

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You meet some woman on the internet and take her home

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You know the greatest loves of all time are over now

flashback to the night they fell apart.

"You know what?, I'm so fucking tired of this relationship, if you can't stay your fucking penis in your pants I might just fucking cut it and this relationship at this point." (Y/n) screamed as tears started to fall from her eyes to her cheeks accusingly pointing a finger to Charles, she seen him with her friend again, Alexandra.

"Darling, is it so bad that I hang out with your friend? I mean my friends are your friends too right? Why can't I do the same thing?" Charles tried explaining his side, I mean it's normal to kiss your girlfriend's friend in the neck and basically caress their back

"That's what you call a hang out? You're basically flirting with each other, gosh, I thought I could trust you!" the singer says frustrated, she thought that Charles was different, a Gentleman but she thought wrong, Charles tried hugging her but she pushed him away

"Darling I—" Charles tried to reason more but (Y/n) stopped him for explaining more nonsense.

"You and me, we're done" (Y/n) sighed as she gets her purse from the gray couch and started heading to their shared penthouse's front door

But before she leaves for good from this apartment and their relationship "be fucking ready asshole" the singer spat closing the door loudly, Charles couldn't do anything but just sit on the floor and contemplate, what the fuck did she meant by 'be ready'

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If one thing had been different, would everything be different today?

present times.

A few hours later, the city lights were slowly starts to fade into the darkness of the night and the only thing that illuminates the light was the moon and the loudness of the streets from earlier that can be heard even in the most secluded part of the cafe was long gone now and is replaced by the jazz music player in the speaker of the cafe.

"It was actually nice to see you after what happened between us" Charles sincerely looked at his former girlfriend and potential friend "You don't know how much this conversation meant to me, I know I was an asshole but you giving me a chance to catch up with you was everything I wished for" he continued speaking with sincerity as he thanked the girl, Charles was truly thankful.

"I would say the same, this was a fulfilling way to face our unresolved conflict in our relationship" (Y/n) agreed on what the driver had said as she offered her hand to him

"well it was nice to see you Charles, you were a wonderful experience in my life"

Charles shaked the singer's hand and he hugged her suddenly, he couldn't contain himself, she became his everything in his life even if it was only temporarily and he treasures her for that.

"Thank you" Charles whispered to the singer's ear before he let go of her, as they leave to go on their seperate ways.

As the night concludes for the ex couple, one thing that they have in their mind their love maybe called a folktale, they believed the stories from their parents that they were meant to be and would marry each other and grow old together however destiny had different plans, and since one was too reckless and the other was too calculated.

But would there be a different outcome if they would be someone different from who they are now? would they be together in this lifetime if they were just simple folks?

They might not now the answer to that as we do too but as the words go "if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow and it's alright now."

Growth helps people to become better for themselves and for others, even if (Y/n) and Charles didn't end up together as they believed they would, they had become better and fulfilled things on their own and maybe in the next life when everything is different they may achieve the same things but hand in hand.

your.username‎‎

liked by golitsynroyals, madisonbeer and 6,787,345 others

your.username‎‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ since y'all missed my dumps and this guy's @princenicholasofrussia first time attending my concert

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madisonbeer‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ rockstar gf + softie bf trope 😭

your.username‎‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ he's the king of sass let me tell you

shuriju‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ I missed your dumps mom!!

princenicny/n‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ AAAA the (shipname) crumbs that I'd die for

yukitsunoda0511‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ soft launch my ass

liked by creator!

#charles leclerc #charles leclerc x reader #formula 1 x reader #formula 1 imagine #prince #beabadoobee #formula 1 #nicholas galitzine #taylors version #taylor swift #azaprocky

[dizzyjelly]

You Deserve Better, I'm Better(18+)

Word Count: 3.6k

Summary: Abbys dating Owen, and you hate him. But she doesn't like him all that much, either. You deal with the unreciprocated feelings until one night you come to find out, she really wants you.

Cw: Owen, toxic bf behavior, a little arguing, fem!reader, drinking, cheating, reader cries a little, smut, fingering(a!receiving), pussy eating(a!reciving), boob stimulation(both receiving.)

A/n: I love this one you guys!! Was so happy to write so much Owen slander bc let's bffr who likes Owen. Maybe he's not thst bad but he did cheat on his PREGNANT gf, like come on. Anyways I do NOT condone cheating but it's needed for the plot of this fic so yeah, hope yall enjoy.

You'd never understand what she saw in him. Sometimes you thought she didn't even know what she saw in him. At first, it was just because he was taking away your quality time with you best friend. But your feelings of jealousy slowly grew into something you weren't sure how to handle.

You didn't just want to be Abbys friend, you liked her. Let's be honest, you loved her. But there's no way she felt the same, she was with Owen after all. But why? He wasn't cute, nor did he have that great of a personality.

Maybe it was just because he played varsity football. Which still wasn't that great of a reason. Oh, well. At least she still made time for you.

Nothing was out of the norm until she started to favor you over him. Not that you were complaining, but his new passive aggressive attitude towards her bothered you. And he'd grown to dislike you, which was a big reason why she didn't hang around him as much. It was weird, he was her boyfriend after all.

However, even if it was puzzling to you, you weren't going to complain. In fact you enjoyed this new favoritism. It made you feel.. wanted. You wished she wanted you like you wanted her.

Tonight was the first varsity football game of the season. Abby was attending, obviously, and you joined her because well, she asked you to. Pleasee it'll be so boring if I go by myself, those were her exact words. She also complained about having to hang out with the other players girlfriends, who she has a strong distaste for.

"Feels nice to rest my feet." You sigh softly as everyone sat for the halftime show.

"Yeah.." Abby smiles over at you.

Your arms touched and your thighs were squished against one another due to how packed the bleachers were. It was fairly cold out so you shared a blanket Abby had brought. It rested on each of your shoulders and draped over one of your arms.

Curiously, your eyes drifted to the scoreboard. Your school was winning by three points, to which you cracked a smile. You weren't sure why because you didn't give a fuck about football, but it just felt nice. Abbys eyes however, never left you. She took the chance to admire you like some creep as you looked away. As you started to turn back she fixed her gaze to the field.

"Hey, we're winning." You tap her arm with the back of your hand.

"Oh, nice." She smiles at you.

Since the halftime show was beginning, the football players got to sit at the sidelines. Which really meant they all ran into the stands to say hi to their friends. You sighed and glared at Owen with annoyance as he approached you and Abby. Immediately he leaned down and took her chin in his hand, kissing her like his life depended on it.

And you wished it was you. You wanted to put your lips against hers, you wanted to hold her face in her hands. Fuck you even wanted to feel her tongue swirl against your own. You're pulled out of this trance as you notice Abby pushing him away and letting out a small groan.

"Fuck was that." Owen's voice is rough and he stares at you, like it was your fault.

"Sorry you're just- you're all sweaty. Kinda gross." She's quick to come up with an excuse.

"Whatever" he scoffs and rolls his eyes, God you hated him, "are you at least coming out with us after the game?"

"Can Y/n come?" Abby asks, looking over at you and smiling for the first time since Owen came over.

"Fine." He let's out a small sigh and looks your way once again.

"Then sure, why not?" She shrugs.

And thank God Owen left almost immediately after that. He'd never been a joy to be around, but lately it was like you could not stand him even if you tried. Abby just dismissed it, like always, saying he probably just had a bad day. You hated how she'd defend him.

Even so, you just let out a small sigh and ignored it. As much as you hated to hear it, you were Abby's best friend after all. Of course she'd tell you about her boyfriend. If only things were different. Then again, even if Owen was a good guy, you'd probably still be jealous. She deserved better, and you were better.

In the end, the opposing team won by fourteen points which left Owen and his teammates sulking. They all went to the locker rooms to get cleaned up, Abby got a text from Owen saying they'll meet you guys outside. She put her phone away and noticed you were shivering a bit.

She has folded the blanket and was carrying it, but she walked behind you and wrapped it around your shoulders. Then you blushed as she wrapped her arms around you and embraced you from behind. What was she doing? And it's like she read your mind, because before you could even ask, she said,

"Body heat." It was whispered right into your ear and you felt small puffs of her hot breath fan over your neck.

You gave in, you always gave in to her. Your hands wrapped around her arms and you leaned back into her. She didn't do stuff like this when you were out a lot. But no one was really around, just some of the other girls who'd be going out with you guys. And they wouldn't say anything, hopefully.

Disappointment filled your mind as the sound of boys clamoring could be heard and she stepped away from you. Her hand rested at your lower back right up until Owen was getting close enough to notice, then she kept her hands to herself. You frowned. It wasn't fair, he changed her.

The group of people you went out with, which consisted of Owen, three other football players, and their girlfriends, took a bunch of separate cars since almost all of you drove. Abby looked at you expectantly when Owen held her hand and wanted her to ride with him. You drove to the game together that night. You didn't know what she expected, were you supposed to tell her to go with you instead? It was awkward to say the least.

"I'll be fine, Abs. I know how to drive my car, go ahead with him." You nod.

Owen furrowed his brows with confusion. It's like she needed your permission or something.

"Okay, just- be safe." She settles on that and a pat to your shoulder.

You made your way to your car and Abby got into the passenger seat of Owen's. As you drove you listened to your favorite songs and only thought about her. Abby was not having as good of a time.

"What's up with you and Y/n?" He'd ask not even a minute after he started to drive.

"What does that even mean?" Abby asked in return, crossing her arms, "she's my best friend if you're asking what we are."

"Is she really? Why do you always hang out with her instead of me, hm." He looks over at her and she just stares blankly at him, "Yeah that's what I thought. Quit acting like she owns you, I'm your boyfriend."

Abby was silent. It was extremely painful because he was right. Not that she thought you owned her, or she acted like it, but still. She did favor you a lot and would do anything you asked. God why was she so stupid.

In all reality, Abby liked you way before she got with Owen. She just thought you were out of her league so she never went for it. But lately, she's felt that you might like her back. She hoped. But why did she want to be with you if she was with him. Owen never satisfied her, emotionally or sexually.

There was just something so intriguing about you. And she remembered all the hook ups you'd tell her about. How loud the girls always were. She wished it was her you were touching, her that you were making feel so good she couldn't help but scream.

Owen pulled into the parking lot of some diner and she was pulled out of her delightful fantasy. A sigh fell past her lips as she got out of the car, slamming the door shut and walking over to stand by the road and watch for you. Owen went inside to find his friends.

You pulled in and she smiled, walking over to your car. As you got out she looked into the diner, making sure she was out of Owen's view before she pulled you into a hug. Everytime she hugged you it was so.. intimate. Her arms would envelop you and she'd pull your body against hers.

"Missed me that much?" You'd tease, giggling softly.

"Shut up." She playfully shoved your shoulder as she pulled away.

You just shook your head softly then followed her inside. Everyone else was busy ordering, she sat in the booth and looked at you.

"Sit by me." She smiled.

"Of course, I have to use the bathroom first though I'll be right back." You nodded softly then headed to the bathroom.

When you returned to the corner booth, you were displeased to find it basically full and just a little room left for you on the end. Abby was sat between Owen and some black haired girl who laughed obnoxiously. She looked at you and frowned, mouthing a 'sorry' as you had to squeeze your way into a seat.

You waved your hand as to say 'it's fine' then you all began to eat. Abby felt bad, she just kind of sadly stared at you for the duration of the meal. You really didn't mind all that much. The only thing that really bothered you was seeing her with him. But you were getting used to that feeling now.

Dinner finally ended and everyone started to say their goodbyes. You kept an eye on Owen and Abby as they stood further away, he seemed to be asking her for something but she was giving him a very adamant no. When you saw how they acted sometimes, you wondered how they were even still together.

Eventually he gave her a small kiss then walked away, stomping and throwing the door open with frustration. He must've been really mad. Abby just rolled her eyes and walked over to you.

"You wanna stay over tonight?" She asks, rubbing at the back of her neck nervously.

"I'd love to, let's go." You walked out to your car and began driving to her house.

As she sat in the passenger seat, Abby felt relaxed. You were like a breath of fresh air for her. Nothing like him. She wished she'd just asked you out all that time ago. Maybe you would've said yes. But maybe not.

Once you got to her house, she announced that her parents weren't home. Something that might seem taboo, but really it just meant you'd raid their liquor cabinet. You'd each take a shot of vodka and scrunch your noses in disgust before sharing a beer, then another. Before Abby had the chance to offer a third, you suggested a movie and popcorn instead.

She threw some in the microwave then came to join you on the couch. You moved closer to her when she sat down, then your eyes scanned the room for the remote. It was on the side table next to Abby, so you leaned over her lap and rested your hand on the armrest to grab it. She took the chance to ogle at your ass, and your entire body really.

You stumbled back with a giggle as you fell onto her strong thighs, your chest pressing against them. Her breath hitched at the feeling of you, more specifically how the fat of your tits squished against her. Thank God the microwave beeped so she had an excuse to pull you up by your arms and get up. Surely there'd been a wet patch on her boxers by now. She felt sick.

Abby returned with a large bowl of popcorn and some chocolate as well. You gasped happily and thanked her as she set it down on the coffee table. She didn't bother asking what you wanted to watch, figuring you'll probably fall asleep anyways. She settled on a horror-comedy.

You grabbed the popcorn from the table and put it into her lap, taking a handful every now and then as you also ate some of the chocolate. Eventually you were full and now just rested your head on her shoulder, one of your hand wrapped around her forearm and the other just sat on your own thigh.

Her breath hitched whenever you'd move a bit and your hair would tickle her neck. She'd been this close to you before, so why was she acting like some horny teenage boy all of a sudden? She moved forward to set the nearly empty bowl of popcorn on the table and you sat beside her normally now.

"Can I lay my head in your lap?" You whispered, looking over at her as she sat back with some chocolate.

"Yeah.." She nodded, this was definitely a bad idea but how could she say no to you.

You smiled and moved so your feet tucked up on the couch and your cheek pressed against her thigh. You kept your hand rested on your stomach. Abby let out a quiet groan, then immediately focused on the TV as to not seem suspicious. You didn't notice anyways.

A few minutes later, you looked up at her with a goofy smile to point out that one of her favorite actors was on screen. Then you noticed she had some chocolate smudged at the corner of her lip. Without thinking, you sat up and leaned into her. One of your hands held her shoulder for stability as the other came to her cheek and your thumb swiped at the corner of her lip.

You could feel it wetten slightly as you weren't the most coordinated and the tip accidently slipped between her lips. She froze, until she didn't. Before you could even remind her she had a boyfriend, her lips were on yours and she was pulling you into her lap.

But all you could think was that this didn't mean anything good. You were both tipsy, maybe she didn't even mean it. Maybe she just did it because she knew she could. Your insecurities got the best of you and instead of continuing the sloppy kisses Abby pulled away as she felt your tears falling onto her own face.

"Oh god.. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to- are you okay?" She apologizes, thinking you didn't want to kiss her.

"Yeah.. no. I just- why are you even kissing me? You have a boyfriend Abby." She blushed.

"I don't care about him." She sighed, resting her forehead against yours and holding your face in her hands while simultaneously wiping at your tears.

"Y/n.. I've wanted you forever. Long before I even met that asshole. I just thought I never had a chance but lately, I thought maybe I did." She explains and you felt so many different things.

I mean you believed her, you really did. And you really wanted to kiss her again, you wanted to do more than kiss her. You smiled, kissing her cheek softly.

"Abby. Of course you have a chance, you always had a chance." You whisper.

After you made out on the couch some more, during which she grabbed your ass quite a bit and let her strong hands run across your body. It wasn't long before she was carrying you into her bedroom and laying you down.

Now she kissed down your body, looking up at you as she pushed at your shirt. You took it off and let out small moans when she started to kiss at and grope your tits. How was she so good at this? Your hands found their way to her hair, tugging at her tight braid and causing her to let out a groan and crack a smile.

As Abby kissed down to your waistline, she looked up at you. You bit your lip and motioned for her to come up closer. She did so, her arms caging you in on either side and loose strands of her hair tickling your face. You leaned up to whisper in her ear.

"I wanna show you first.. wanna show you how good I'll make you feel.." You wanted to sound strong, but your voice was whiny and needy.

Abby didn't seem to care though because her breath hitched and she nodded quickly, laying down beside you.

"Please. Show me.." She whispered, looking over at you.

First your lips traveled from her own, down to her jaw and neck. Then her collarbones. And you swore you could've come just from the sight of her topless. You spent quite some time on her tits, which was mostly self indulgent but she still enjoyed it. Finally you kissed down her sternum all the way to her lower belly.

She couldn't believe the sight of you when you looked up at her with your chin resting on her clothed heat. Your fingertips rested at the waistband of her cargo pants and she nodded. You unbuttoned them and pulled the zipper down agonizingly slow, she wad growing impatient as her hips unintentionally bucked up into your grip.

Once you removed her pants, her legs spread for you almost instantly. You groaned at the sight of the wet patch on her boxers, you couldn't help it as you moved forward to kiss it gently a few times.

"P-please.. take them off.." now she was the whiny one.

"I got you Abs.." You nod and remove her boxers, and it was definitely a sight to see.

Her slick had gathered all around her lips and if you focused enough you might be able to see her clit throb. You bit your lip as you ran your finger through her slick folds, then licked it clean.

"God you're so fuckin sexy.." You'd whisper before diving in.

Your lips wrapped around her clit and you flicked your tongue over it at a fast pace. She squirmed a bit at first, so you took hold of her thighs and kept them in place. Her moans were music to your ears, and when she'd moan your name, let's just say you could die happy.

Eventually you began to tease her hole with your middle finger, slipping it in and curling up in a way no one else ever could. She gasped when you added another finger and continued these movements.

"Shit, that feels so good.." She panted.

"Yeah?" You tease, removing your mouth from her but continuing to curl your fingers inside her, "I bet I fuck you better than him, don't I?" A rhetorical question of course.

"Yes!" She moaned loudly, just wanting you to suck at her clit again.

For the time being you but your thumb to it instead and rubbed tight circles.

"Say it." You whispered, looking up at her.

She looked so beautiful. Her eyes squeezed shut with pleasure and her lips glossy and fallen open. The way her eyebrows also creased made you want to eat her out forever.

"You fuck me bett-" She cut herself off with a loud moan as you hit thst sweet spot inside her, "so much better than him.." She finally whined.

Satisfied, you removed your thumb and began to suck at her clit again. Her moans grew louder and you could feel her clench around your fingers, she was close. She wanted to tell you, but she was too overwhelmed with pleasure to form a coherent sentence. That didn't matter though, because you knew.

When she did finally cum, it felt so amazing. Sure she'd finished on her own before, but never like this. She called out your name and her hand tangled in your hair as you didn't stop going.

"I already came.." She whispered to you, you looked up at her and pulled off her cunt for a moment.

"I know, how about one more for me?" You asked, she could see how some of her release glistened your chin and blushed.

"Mhmm.." She hummed and you kept going.

While it was supposed to be one more, it was really two. You wanted to go for another but the way Abby could barely catch her breath had you finally letting her rest. Carefully, you moved up beside her and laid your head on her bare chest. One of your hands stroked her thigh gently as her legs still trembled a bit from the third orgasm.

She put her arm around you and leaned her head against your own. You smiled then let out a small sigh as you sat up.

"Come on, you gotta pee." You spoke softly to her.

She just nodded and you walked to the bathroom with her, washing your hands in the sink as she did her business. After she was done you returned to her room and she changed into new boxers and an oversized t-shirt.

"What about you?" She'd whisper once the two of you settled back into bed, her arms wrapped around your back as you laid your body weight across her.

"Don't worry, you can take care of me next time." You whisper back as you nuzzled your face against her neck and brought one of your hands to rest on her chest.

She ran her fingers through your hair as you started to fall asleep. Then once she was sure you were out, she whispered.

"I love you." She let her own eyes fall shut and drifted off to sleep within minutes.

But you weren't asleep yet, you heard her. And all you could do was smile.

#abby anderson #abby anderson x reader #abby x reader #abby anderson x y/n #abby x y/n #abby anderson x you #abby x fem!reader #abby x you #abby smut #abby anderson smut #abby anderson x female reader #abby anderson x f!reader

[bellaxgiornata]

All These Years [Part 11: "Last to Know"]

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader

[You can find the full series summary and masterlist of installments for All These Years here.]

Warnings/tags: 18+ for this series; contains emotional hurt with no comfort until the final installments, angst, pining, friends to lovers, slowburn, and eventually smut

Word Count: 6.9k

a/n: This is another longer installment that brings us through season 3 (I'm planning a different angsty fic to really focus on season 3) and begins to bring us closer to the end of angst...but we're not quite there yet. Feedback is always appreciated!

Tag list: @acharliecoxedfan @theetherealbloom @rotscinema @magnumstyles @roseallisonparker @ofmusesandsecrets @readerhead @paracosmic-murdock @v4leoftears @why-always-me-gosh-please @redbircl @keepingitlokiiii @yarrystyleeza @mattkinsella @ms-murdockswift @margoo0 @1988-fiend @lockleywife @strangeobsessed @justalittlebitbored @am-3-thyst @buckybarnes-1917 @thora-jane @lionalsowrites @cloudroomblog @prince-tassel @danzer8705 @yourlocalbentspine @harperdoodle @hollandorks

Sitting across the table from Foggy and Karen, you drew your steaming latte to your lips for a drink. You were partially listening to Karen discuss the new article she was working on for the Bulletin, the newspaper she'd inevitably started working for shortly after Matt had disappeared and Foggy had disbanded their law firm. He had taken a job over at Hogarth, Chao, & Benowitz so he could continue to pay his bills, unable to continue to afford to work at Nelson and Murdock with the other half gone. You had recently thrown yourself into your own work over the last few weeks, gaining a new position with a pay raise and the ability to work from home for your company. Which had proven too convenient because you usually rolled right out of bed and stayed in your pajamas all day, showering after work just to throw on another pair of pajamas. 

It had been almost two weeks since you'd stopped going to Clinton Church now, too. You barely left your apartment anymore since you didn’t need to leave for work. Oftentimes you lost track of time and had been clocking in hours and hours of overtime at your computer. You’d had nothing else going on and you didn't want to think, so you’d found yourself hyperfocused on coding. Your boss had certainly been praising your initiative.

This morning was actually the first time you’d left your apartment in days. You hadn’t even left for groceries, having ordered them and had them delivered to your apartment a few days ago for convenience. Foggy and Karen had been worried about you, frequently telling you as much over texts lately. Which was why you'd eventually caved and met them for coffee this morning. But if you were being honest, you weren't mentally fully present with them. 

Your attention had shifted outside the window as Karen continued on with her animated conversation, Foggy just as enthusiastic as she was with whatever they’d been talking about. You’d unintentionally lost your focus as you often did outside of work lately, your eyes absently lingering on the place outside the window just above Karen’s shoulder. The sidewalk outside the coffee shop was busy with the usual Saturday morning foot traffic and you blankly watched as a multitude of colors swam by. You weren’t sure how long you’d sat staring out the window like that before you realized Karen was snapping her fingers in front of your face. Blinking a few times, you snapped out of your daze and focused back on her and Foggy. Worry was written clear across both of their faces as they stared back at you.

"What?" you asked.

"I was trying to ask you how you liked your new position," Karen said. "I asked you like four times now."

"Sorry, I uh, I was distracted," you replied, sitting up straighter in your chair as both of your hands wrapped around your warm coffee cup. "It's good. It's going good. Working at home is–is good."

Foggy leaned across the table towards you, concern still clear in his eyes. "Are you okay?" he asked gently. "Because you've been distant ever since…"

"I'm fine," you answered automatically, forcing a smile onto your face. 

Foggy and Karen turned and exchanged a look with each other for a moment, your eyes narrowing as you watched. The strained smile on your face was quickly growing uncomfortable. When Foggy focused back on you, he shook his head slowly. 

"No," he disagreed, "you're not. You haven't been fine for a long time. What's going on with you?"

"Nothing," you replied defensively. 

From across the table, Karen sent you a sympathetic look. You knew the one. You'd seen it plenty of times now. 

"It's because of what's been popping up in the news, isn't it?" she asked. "The little rumors."

Your head tilted to the side as you eyed her curiously. "What little rumors?" you asked back. 

Karen's gaze flickered to Foggy before it returned to you. Her fingers began drumming on her coffee cup nervously. 

"About the man in black?" she said, voice lowered. 

You sucked in a sharp breath, your back straightening further in the chair. Hope filled you instantly as your eyes searched Karen’s face for answers.

"Matt?" you whispered. 

She opened her mouth to speak but Foggy raised a hand, waving it firmly in the air between the pair of you. The gesture instantly cut her off before she'd even begun.

"It's not Matt," Foggy stated sharply. "Hell’s Kitchen has become ground zero for all kinds of copycat vigilantes lately. It's not him, so don't go giving her false hope, Karen."

Your eyes further narrowed at Foggy. "How do you know it's not him?" you challenged. 

Foggy’s expression softened, a hand running across his forehead. "Because," he answered softly, "if it was Matt, he'd have reached out. Told us he was alive. You know he would. It's been just over a couple of months now, he's had plenty of time to reach out to tell us he survived Midland Circle and he hasn't." He sighed deeply, shaking his head at you. "You need to accept it. He's gone."

"Foggy," Karen gently reprimanded, "that's not–"

"No," Foggy countered firmly, his focus shifting to Karen. "She needs to hear this. She needs to accept it and stop doing what she's been doing to herself! And whatever this bullshit in the news is–it's not Matt." Foggy’s attention returned to you, his eyes pleading. "You have to let this go. You need to accept the fact that Matt–” Foggy winced, “–he's dead.”

Your throat felt like it was closing up, tears welling in your eyes. How could Foggy just accept that as fact so easily? How could he just give up on Matt like that? He had been both of your best friends for so long. Wasn’t there any part of him that had hope?

“Foggy, that’s a little harsh,” Karen chastised. “You’re being really unsympathetic here.”

Foggy shook his head, once again rounding on Karen. “She’s been denying the facts for almost three months now!” he exclaimed. “And look at how she’s been doing! She’s clearly not handling it alright. It looks like she’s barely sleeping and taking care of herself. Every time we see her she’s barely present. And she’s been paying for his apartment for months now!” 

His head spun in your direction, startling you at the abruptness. Your lips were quivering as you sat there, feeling like you were about to break down in the middle of the coffee shop with everything he was saying. 

“You can't keep paying for his apartment and holding onto his things. It's not good for you," Foggy stated sharply. “It’s not sustainable for you to pay for two rents, either. You need to let this go!”

“Foggy–”

“ No !” Foggy growled at Karen. “I’ve already lost Matt, I’m not losing her, too!”

Sniffling loudly, you swiftly rose from the table and wiped the back of your hand across your tear stained cheeks. Both Foggy and Karen’s attention shifted to you instantly. Karen mouthed an apology as Foggy’s face fell beside her.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“Home,” you croaked out.

Ignoring Foggy’s pleas to stay, you quickly turned and left the coffee shop with your coffee clutched between both hands. You did your best to duck your head, trying to hide your face as you silently cried the entire walk back to your apartment. 

What a shitty past few days it had been. 

While Matt had been out last night, he'd been stopped in his tracks the moment he realized his hearing had fully come back to him. He could hear the sirens of ambulances approaching where he’d just stepped out onto the street, the sounds of the city around him, the buzz of a neon sign nearby, and the commotion in front of the hospital he’d just exited. He had been stunned, a wave of gratefulness washing over him in that very moment because he could fully hear again . But what were the first words he’d heard in the commotion around him when God had finally decided to restore his hearing?

The FBI had let Wilson Fisk out of prison.

Could God have been laughing at him any more than he already had been? What a fucking cruel joke to restore his hearing just in time for him to hear that Fisk had been released. Matt had been furious . Even more furious at God than he had been lately. But despite his rage since that moment, he knew there was something he needed to do tonight.

If Fisk was free from prison, in any capacity, he knew he’d be seeking revenge on himself, Foggy, and Karen for having put him away. And while Matt Murdock was safe from his vengeance because he was supposed to be dead, Foggy wasn’t. And neither was Karen.

Which was why Matt had donned his winter coat, the baseball cap, and some sunglasses before making the long trek to the bar he knew Foggy frequented near his new place of work outside of Hell’s Kitchen. Despite wanting to have his friends continue to think he was dead, knowing it was safer for them, Matt had admittedly kept tabs on Foggy on and off for weeks now. He didn't let himself ponder the reasoning, though.

But it had only been Foggy he’d checked in on. He couldn’t bring himself to see what you were getting up to. He’d known you’d stopped visiting Clinton Church not too long ago. The last few times you’d visited he’d heard you from the church basement. You would always end up softly sobbing to yourself before you left. And each time you had, Matt had curled up on the basement floor just beneath the pew you’d been sitting in, just to feel some semblance of being near you again, and he cried with you. When night had fallen those nights, he’d immediately gone out as the man in the mask and let the Devil take over, not wanting to feel anything. 

But he hadn’t gone anywhere near your apartment. He couldn’t bring himself to.

And now he was standing outside the bar Foggy was sitting inside at this exact moment. Matt could tell Foggy was upset by how much he’d already had to drink, having known the amount because he’d been standing outside in the alley from the moment Foggy had first showed up and stepped inside. He’d been struggling to get up the nerve to go inside and talk to him, to warn Foggy about staying away from Fisk and letting him deal with things. Because clearly the law wasn’t going to achieve anything on its own at keeping Fisk where he belonged, so it was up to Matt to make things right.  

He knew it wasn’t going to be easy going inside and talking to him, though. Just standing in the alley and knowing he was about to go in there and reveal to Foggy that he wasn’t dead, that he’d been lying and would need Foggy to yet again lie for him–to people both Matt and Foggy cared about– hurt . 

Matt needed to keep his distance to keep you all safe, though–now more than before. Fisk was dangerous, and he was certainly going to come after Foggy and Karen, so Matt needed to make sure both of them stayed out of Fisk’s way. He certainly didn’t need Karen to go chasing after him as the reporter she’d become and further put herself on Wilson Fisk’s radar. She didn’t need to end up like Ben Urich. And he didn’t want Foggy going after Blake Tower for signing off on the FBI’s decision to release Fisk for information–that would certainly garner Fisk’s attention.

But you–Fisk didn’t know about you. You weren’t a part of Nelson and Murdock. Fisk had no reason to know about you, which meant you needed to stay far away from Matt and the Devil so your name would never cross Fisk’s lips.

Which was why he could only go to Foggy. He knew he’d keep the secret in order to keep his friends safe, even if he would absolutely hate Matt for asking that of him. 

And he also needed to steal Foggy’s wallet for his New York State Bar Association license for what he planned to do tomorrow. 

With a sigh, he pushed off of the wall and forced himself to turn the corner and enter the bar. It wasn’t very busy for a Tuesday evening, so Matt easily made his way over near where Foggy was drinking at the counter. He paused when he was just a few feet behind him, nerves twisting in his gut. Foggy was entirely oblivious to Matt’s presence, though, still swirling the alcohol in his glass absently. Squaring his shoulders, Matt steeled himself for the emotional pain that he was about to inflict on both Foggy and himself.

“Fog,” he called out softly.

Matt heard the way Foggy’s head slowly turned towards him, his brows having drawn together in confusion. For a moment Foggy just stared at Matt in perplexed silence. Matt could practically hear the moment when Foggy realized who was standing before him in his slightly intoxicated state. 

“This isn’t real,” Foggy said. "You're not really here."

Matt’s teeth ground together as he gave a single nod at him. “It’s real,” he said softly.

He could hear the way Foggy’s lips drew into a big smile, the only one that had been on his face in the hour that Matt had been standing outside. The bar stool Foggy had been sitting in slid back on the floor as Matt heard Foggy rise to his feet just moments before he felt his friend embrace him in a tight hug. Instinctively Matt’s hands flew up, hugging Foggy in return. He could smell the salt of his unshed tears in the air.

“Hey, Fog,” he greeted quietly.

“How?” Foggy asked in disbelief, still clutching Matt tight. “Where? We thought you were dead!”

Foggy abruptly pulled away from Matt, clearly taking a moment to scan him over. Matt’s hands returned to his cane, fidgeting nervously with it as he practically felt Foggy’s eyes roving him. Seconds later, Foggy said your name and Matt’s heart felt like it shattered instantly. 

“Does she know you’re alive?" he asked. "Does Karen?” 

Pressing his lips tight together to keep from crying, Matt reached a hand out and gently grabbed Foggy’s shoulder.

“Take a seat, Fog,” he ordered.

Foggy did as directed, returning to the bar stool he’d just been seated at. Matt slowly lowered into a stool near him. He braced himself for what he was about to have to say and do now.

“I’m not back,” Matt told him firmly.

Matt heard the smile once again spread across Foggy’s face and the joking tone when he spoke next.

“Well I know I’m not drunk enough to be hallucinating quite yet,” Foggy teased.

Matt shook his head once. “I’m not back,” he repeated. “Matt Murdock isn’t going to be a part of me anymore. I’m…leaving him behind. He isn’t who I am.”

The smile quickly fell from Foggy’s face. “What?” he asked.

Swallowing hard, Matt tried to keep the waver and emotion out of his voice. “The only reason I came here was to warn you and Karen about Fisk now that he’s out. You’re both in danger.”

“Dude–”

“I’m going after him, Foggy,” Matt continued briskly, cutting him off. “I’m going to bring Fisk down. But I can only do that if I know that you and Karen are safe.”

“Hang on, hang on,” Foggy said, waving a hand. “I’m still trying to process the fact that you’re here. Alive .”

“I know that you and Karen are going to want to get involved,” Matt told him, his foot tapping lightly on the bar floor. He needed to get out of here soon before he lost his resolve. “To try to fight him in some way, but I’m telling you that I need you both to stay out of it and leave it to me.”

There was a brief pause after his words. Matt heard the way Foggy slowly shook his head in response. 

“No,” Foggy told him.

“No?” Matt asked in disbelief. 

“No,” Foggy replied more forcefully. “You don’t get to show up after months of me–all of us–thinking you’re dead, say something like that to me, and then just–just expect me to be cool with it. You’re my best friend , asshole!”

Matt’s heart tightened in his chest at the hurt in his best friend’s voice. Foggy’s words stung despite how much Matt knew he deserved them–truthfully he deserved a bigger verbal lashing. But he needed to end this and get out of here. Now.

“I was wrong to become your friend, Foggy,” Matt told him, ignoring the way his own heart beat irregularly at the lie as it left his lips. In time he'd make himself believe it. “I put you in danger and it was selfish of me. While I can’t change the past, I can stop making the same mistake. We’re done, buddy,” Matt said, quickly rising from the bar stool. “It’s over.”

“There’s something seriously wrong with you,” Foggy snapped, his voice cracking.

“Yeah, I know,” Matt agreed, once again fighting the emotion from creeping into his words. "Just stay clear of Fisk. Tell Karen to do the same," he ordered. "And I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell her you saw me.”

Matt turned to go, desperate to get away and attempt to control his own emotions. He felt close to tears himself and was grateful for the sunglasses hiding his eyes. He managed two steps before he heard Foggy once again call your name after him. Matt winced at the sound of it, his feet inevitably coming to a stop as his back remained turned to Foggy.

“What about her, huh?” Foggy asked. “You know she’s been a mess since you’ve been gone? She refuses to believe you’re dead, Matt. Am I just supposed to let her continue thinking that now that I know it’s a lie?”

Behind the sunglasses, Matt’s eyes clamped shut. He felt a tear escape and he tried to hide wiping it away as he ran a hand over his mouth. Exhaling a shuddering breath, he tried to keep his voice steady when he answered.

“Yes,” Matt replied, voice softer. “She can’t know.”

“Are you fucking serious?” Foggy roared at his back. “You’re going to do that to her? Make me do that to her?”

Matt sighed, shaking his head but still refusing to turn around. “Fog, she can’t–”

“She’s paying your fucking rent, man,” Foggy spat bitterly. “For months now she’s been paying it. She thinks you’re still out there. Alive. That you’re too injured to find a way to reach out and that’s why it’s been months of us not hearing from you. But no,” he continued, anger clear in his voice, “you’ve been intentionally letting us think you’re dead all of this time.”

Matt couldn’t speak, his throat feeling like it was closing up on him. His hands gripped his cane even tighter. You were paying his rent?

“Why?” he managed, the word breaking.

“Why?” Foggy repeated in disbelief. “Because she cares about you, you idiot! She misses you! You’re one of her absolute best friends, man. She doesn’t want to believe you’re gone.”

Matt tried to swallow but his tongue felt thick and heavy in his own mouth, the gesture feeling near impossible. Fuck, he didn’t want to do this to you. He really didn’t. But he didn’t have a choice, he needed to keep you away from himself to keep you safe from Fisk. From whoever it was that came after Fisk if Matt survived this. It was for your own good.

“Tell her to stop paying for the rent,” Matt told him.

“ I have ,” Foggy ground out. “And you know what she did? She ran home crying and hasn’t answered my calls in days because of it.”

A grimace pulled at Matt’s face. Why were you holding on so tight to him like this? Why couldn’t you just let him go? He wasn’t that great of a friend. He was nothing special. Why couldn’t you just mourn him and move on?

“She–she can’t know,” Matt repeated. “She’ll find some way to get involved or Fisk will figure out she’s close to us and she’ll get hurt. Right now, Fisk doesn’t know who she is, Fog. She can’t know I’m alive.”

“So that’s it?” Foggy asked defeatedly. “I just continue to lie to her for you?”

Matt felt like he couldn’t stay here any longer, he could feel the dam holding his own emotions in check about to burst. He wanted to turn back around and embrace Fog, to apologize and tell him he was wrong for everything he’d done since Midland. He wanted to run to your apartment and beg your forgiveness on his knees for making you think he was dead. To feel you wrap him in your arms and tell him everything was okay and that you forgave him. 

But that couldn’t happen.

“I–I have to go,” Matt muttered.

Without further hesitation, Matt made his way out of the bar, ignoring the way Foggy was shouting his name after him. He hurried down the alley he’d initially been hiding in, pausing at the end of it when he didn’t hear Foggy pursuing him. 

Burying his face in his hands, he sank to the dirty ground and broke down in tears. 

Opening the door to Matt’s apartment, you stepped inside and were instantly hit with a chill. You shivered as you shut the door behind yourself before bending down and picking up the stack of mail that had been shoved under the door for this week. You frowned when you saw a few more overdue bills. Even with the raise you’d received, you were starting to really struggle under the weight of two rents and all of your own bills. 

With a sigh you made your way into the empty apartment, heading straight to the coffee table where you’d neatly organized Matt’s mail in separate piles. Taking a moment, you sorted the mail in your hands into the appropriate stack before you unbuttoned your coat. You slowly slipped it off of yourself before draping it over the arm of Matt’s leather couch. 

The emptiness of Matt’s apartment was only further making you feel the weight of loneliness you’d been experiencing lately, your eyes dancing across his sparsely decorated and overly spacious apartment as your eyes watered. Foggy and Karen had been avoiding you lately, always too busy with something to make time for you. They’d been acting strange for the past few weeks and you didn’t understand why. And it had only added to the hurt you'd been experiencing after everything with Matt.

Foggy had suddenly decided to run for District Attorney, which you’d been shocked about but excited for him nevertheless. But he was always claiming he had something to attend and he’d get back with you later. Karen had been saying she was busy with some story she was following, never having time to even chat on the phone. Though recently you'd heard she had been fired after the attack from a fake Daredevil killing people at the Bulletin–and that in itself had further confused you, but both of them had said it was something to do with Fisk and wouldn’t tell you anything more.

You’d been so lonely you’d finally called Adam back up and eventually gotten together with him for drinks last week. He’d been understanding all those months ago when you’d ended things because of Matt’s supposed passing, claiming you just couldn’t focus on a relationship after the unexpected loss of one of your closest friends. Though now it felt like Adam was all you had left.

And Matt’s apartment. Empty as it always was.

You stepped around the leather couch, your fingers running along the red plaid blanket neatly folded over the back of it as you walked. Stomach sinking as your grief once again hit you, you continued your usual tour of Matt’s place, the same as you did when you stopped in every week to collect his mail and check on the bills you needed to pay for him.

You always started in the living room first, pausing to appreciate the obnoxious billboard you’d grown fond of outside of the windows. Then you’d make your way into the kitchen, marveling at how little he actually had in there. Though you supposed it made sense that he hadn’t cooked much with what he spent his evenings doing. Eventually you’d make your way to his bedroom, pausing in the doorway and wondering what it would be like to be standing there in your pajamas in the morning, a cup of coffee in each hand. One for you and one for Matt. Imagining him waking up in his bed, his hair a ruffled mess and a sleepy smile on his face just for you as morning light seeped in through the windows.

Your heart twisted at the thought and you quickly pushed the mental image away, continuing on. You made your way to his closet where his suits were still all neatly hanging, fingers running along the braille tags on each hanger. With a heavy sigh, you turned to leave the room, but your eyes fell on Matt’s dresser. Coming to a stop, you paused as you eyed it for a moment. As if your feet were moving on their own, you made your way over, pulling open one of the drawers. A handful of neatly stacked, neutral colored shirts met your eyes. Fighting back the tears threatening to spill over, you ran a hand over a worn, dark gray tee-shirt on top. It was incredibly soft.

You didn’t know what it was that came over you, but you found yourself pulling the shirt out of his drawer and bringing it up to your nose. It still smelled like him–that clean detergent scent you loved. A choked noise fell out of you as you buried your face further in the material, wishing it was on Matt’s body and not just crumpled between your desperate fingers.

It was a few minutes before you'd managed to regain your composure and collect yourself. But as you closed his dresser drawer, you still held onto the worn tee-shirt in your hands. And even as you slipped your coat back on in the living room before exiting his apartment, locking it up behind you, you never parted with it. 

You'd spent so much time going back and forth on whether or not you would attend the mass for Father Lantom’s funeral this afternoon that you'd ended up showing up just as people were milling out of the church afterwards. You'd felt bad for having missed it, even if you'd only had a few conversations with him after Matt's memorial service before you'd stopped going to Clinton Church entirely. From your brief time with Father Lantom, and from what Matt had always said about him, he sounded like an amazing man. What had happened to him–whatever it was that had someone attacking a church –had been absolutely horrible. 

But you knew there was a wake being held at Foggy’s family's butcher shop nearby from the announcement you had read in the paper. You hadn't spoken to Foggy or Karen in almost a week now, but you figured you'd end up at least running into one of them there. As you neared the shop, you wondered if they'd continue to ignore you like they'd been doing for weeks now. 

Their silence had only opened a new wound for you, causing you even more pain in Matt's absence. You'd ended up growing closer to Adam over the weeks since they’d been avoiding you because of it, often spending a few evenings a week together. He didn't have answers for why your friends had been ghosting you and cutting you out of their life, but he at least offered the much needed comfort you'd been craving for months. 

Outside of Nelson's, you spotted a few people lingering on the sidewalk talking in small groups. They were dressed in all black and had clearly just come from the mass for Father Lantom at the church. You slipped around a group outside, offering a soft apology as you reached for the door handle beside them. Pulling it open, you stepped inside and immediately side-stepped out of the way of a couple who sent you friendly smiles. As your eyes scanned the busy shop around you, you eventually spotted Karen and Foggy at a table nearby with drinks in their hands laughing with–

Eyes going wide, you swore your heart entirely stopped beating in your chest. You couldn't breathe. Even your brain felt like it hit reset at the sight before you.

Foggy and Karen had been sitting at the table laughing and having drinks with Matt as if he hadn't been missing and believed dead for the past few months. 

Entirely frozen on the spot, all you could do for a moment was stare in shock at Matt laughing at something Karen had said. Mouth dropping open, you watched as all three of them raised their glasses as if in a toast before clinking them together. 

That's when the tears came. Watching all three of them sitting there as if they'd known Matt had been alive for longer than five minutes. As if they were celebrating something. 

And you'd been entirely left out of whatever it all was. 

Heart beating harder in your chest, a small, strangled whimper fell out of you. At the table, Matt's head immediately darted in your direction, the smile falling from his lips as his focus landed on you. Karen and Foggy’s attention soon turned towards you next, curious as to what had caught Matt's attention. Abruptly you turned and pushed the door to the shop open, hurrying out onto the sidewalk.

Throwing a hand over your mouth, you felt the tears steadily falling as you darted away from the building. You ignored the groups of people outside curiously eyeing you as your breath came in fast and sharp. Vaguely you heard Foggy calling your name as you briskly walked down the sidewalk and headed away from Nelson's. Your pace didn't slow as he continued to call after you.

Matt was alive.

Matt was alive .

You had been right. All this time and you'd been right. But why the hell had Karen and Foggy been so adamant about him being dead–wanting you to let him go–when they knew he wasn't? How long had they known and not told you? How long had they known and just continued to let you grieve? To let you keep paying for his apartment? To keep scouring the news about the man in the mask? They’d been telling you it wasn’t Matt despite you noticing the strange fake Daredevil in the news in relation to Fisk’s prison release. They’d made you feel like you’d been going crazy.

And why had Matt not let you know he was alive? Why had he let you continue on thinking he was dead but not Foggy and Karen?

Did you mean so little to him?

Foggy’s voice loudly shouting your name broke through your thoughts and you stopped, spinning on the spot towards him as your tears continued to fall. Foggy caught up to you quickly, his own face filled with guilt and shame. Behind him, you could see Karen escorting Matt, the pair of them rapidly nearing where you'd both come to a stop.

"How long?" you asked Foggy, voice cracking. "How long did you know?"

Foggy winced at the question, his face growing even more solemn. "A few weeks now," he answered softly. 

Your eyebrows rose up onto your forehead, eyes once again widening. Mouth opening and closing for a moment, you tried hard to search for words. 

"You–you knew?" you breathed out. "You knew for weeks? And you just didn't tell me he wasn't dead?" 

"I wanted to!" Foggy replied in a rush. "Believe me, I did! But it wasn't safe for you to know!"

"Are you–" you paused, pinching the bridge of your nose as a multitude of emotions fought to rise to the surface. Anger and relief were fighting at the forefront. "I don't fucking care if it wasn't safe!" you eventually roared at the three of them, Karen and Matt stopping beside Foggy now. "You let me think he was dead for weeks when you knew he wasn't! You both ignored me for weeks!" you yelled, fresh, hot tears rolling down your cheeks. "Left me to grieve the loss of Matt and my friendship with the both of you on top of it!"

"I–"

"No!" you raged at Foggy. "Do you know how much that fucking hurt? To feel like I’d lost all of you? And then I come here and see you all just laughing and having fucking drinks and I'm still in the dark about everything ?"

"We were going to tell you today!" Karen cut in quickly, her voice catching your attention. "We were dealing with Fisk’s release. That was why we knew Matt was back–and he had been a very closed off asshole, too, for the record,” she told you, Matt frowning deeper beside her. “But we were trying to keep Fisk from learning that you were connected to any of us. To keep you safe from him." 

"What?" you asked her.

"Fisk wanted revenge," Matt said.

Your eyes flew directly to him. His voice, after months of wondering if you'd ever hear it again, managed to slightly calm you. For a moment your eyes took in the sight of him standing there–something else you’d thought would never happen again. He was wearing one of his nice suits and his usual red glasses, which meant he must have stopped by his apartment at some point. The one you’d been paying the bills for him for. There were a few cuts bandaged along his face and his knuckles looked torn and bruised, but he was alive. 

He was alive.

“He tried to kill me when he realized I wasn’t dead,” Matt explained. “Tried even harder when he learned who I was. He was trying to go after Foggy, too–which was why he ran for the D.A. position, to make him more of a public figure. And he went after Karen.”

“The Bulletin?” you asked, eyes darting to Karen. “That was…?”

Karen nodded. “And what happened at Clinton,” she told you.

“It wasn’t safe,” Matt said, taking another step towards you. “I only told Foggy because I wanted him and Karen to let me handle Fisk. But he didn’t listen to me and told Karen.”

“Because she was in danger and needed to know,” Foggy snapped at Matt.

Matt’s mouth twitched at Foggy’s words but he didn’t respond to him. Instead he kept his focus on you as he spoke.

“But you weren’t a part of Nelson and Murdock,” he continued, shaking his head. “Fisk never knew who you were. I wanted to keep it that way. Initially I wanted to let you all think Matt Murdock had died so I could go out and be Daredevil without worrying about putting any of you in any more danger. But…” he trailed off, sighing as his shoulders dropped. “I couldn’t do it. I–I need you all. As my friends. To keep me from losing myself to that other part of myself.”

Wiping the heels of your palms over your cheeks, you tried to wipe away the tears. A few were still falling as you stood there. Admittedly you were still pissed–at all of them. Karen and Foggy for keeping his secret even if it was to keep you safe, and you were pissed at Matt for letting you spend months wondering if he was dead or not. 

“I’m sorry,” Matt said softly.

“I’m sorry, too,” Foggy added quickly. “I didn’t want to lie to you. I hated every second of it. You have to know that.”

Swallowing hard, your eyes flew over to Karen when she spoke up.

“I didn’t want to lie to you either,” she whispered, shaking her head. “I’m sorry, too. We really were going to tell you today. After Father Lantom’s wake. We just wanted to make sure the threat of Fisk had passed first.”

“This isn’t how I wanted you to find out,” Matt assured you.

Foggy’s arms raised, opening wide towards you as he shot you a hopeful look. “Can you forgive me, bestie?” he asked. “Hug it out?”

Chewing your lip, you took a step backwards. Collectively all three of their faces dropped at the gesture. Slowly, Foggy’s arms lowered to his sides.

“I just–just need a bit to process this,” you muttered. “I can try to understand why you did it but–but it still hurts.”

Both Foggy and Karen nodded, but between them, Matt’s frown somehow continued to deepen. Your eyes lingered on him for a moment longer, committing the sight of him alive and breathing to your memory before you turned and made your way back down the sidewalk. You wanted to go home and cry before you tried to make sense of all of this. It didn’t help that your body’s reaction was confusing you. You were overjoyed and grateful, but also incredibly pissed and deeply hurt. You wanted to scream at Matt but you also wanted to hug him and never let him go.

You’d barely made it a few steps before something had latched on to your wrist and you froze, head turning to glance down at what it was. Matt’s large and battered hand was encircling it firmly, clearly not about to let you go. Pressing your lips tight together, you tried hard to refrain from crying as your gaze slowly made its way up to his face.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry. After that building fell on me and I somehow still woke up alive…I’d lost almost all of my senses. I was in a dark place. And when my senses came back, Fisk had been released and I found myself in an even darker place.” He sent you a sad, apologetic smile. “I didn’t want to lie to you. Didn’t want you to keep believing I was dead. I swear I didn’t. It was just to keep you safe.” 

Your watery gaze tried to focus on Matt’s eyes behind the red lenses. You could feel the tears once again getting ready to spill over in your own eyes.

“I visited Clinton Church every day for weeks after you disappeared, Matt,” you admitted softly.

“I know,” he whispered, that sad smile still on his lips. “I was recovering in the church’s basement that whole time.”

You winced at his words. He’d known? He’d known you’d been there crying over him all this time? Day after day praying he’d come back to you? And he’d been there this whole time? Fresh hurt and anger burned in your veins, another wave of tears spilling out of you.

“You knew that too?” you breathed out. “You were right there and never said anything?”

He nodded slowly, shame and guilt written across his features. As the tears fell yet again, you finally gave in to the mix of emotions fighting inside of you to reach the surface. Your hand slipped out of Matt’s hold before you reached out and pushed against his chest roughly. For a moment he looked taken by surprise at the gesture, but his surprise quickly vanished as he stood there and allowed one of your fists to weakly slam onto his chest.

“Fuck you, Matt,” you cried out in a broken voice. “Fuck you for making me go through that knowing how hard it was on me.”

“I’m sorry,” he repeated, his own voice breaking.

Your fist slammed onto his chest again. “Fuck you for hurting me like that,” you continued. “For making Foggy and Karen hurt me like that.”

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered.

“How could you?” you wailed. “I thought I mattered to you!”

Matt’s hands were on your shoulders, gripping them firmly as he tried to pull you towards him. You tried to shake him off, struggling against his hold, but he only held on tighter as your fist slammed down onto his chest again, tears endlessly streaming from your eyes.

“You do matter,” he croaked out. “More than you know. You do matter.”

“Fuck you,” you sobbed, your fingers grasping onto the lapels of his suit coat. “Fuck you, Matt.”

Matt’s hands released their hold on you, his arms swiftly wrapping around your shoulders as he drew you into himself. You didn’t fight him this time, burying your face into his dress shirt and tie and letting yourself break down against him. Relief and heartache and love and anger all poured out of you simultaneously as you clung to him, your body shaking with your sobs. Matt had buried his face against the top of your head, clearly crying himself as he clung to you just as tight. You could feel his tears dampening your hair and hear the muffled sounds of his own choked sobs filling your ears. 

“Don’t ever do that to me again,” you begged, shaking your head against his chest. “Don’t make me go through that again.”

“I won’t,” he promised. “I won’t ever leave you again.”

[END NOTES]

I'm leaving end notes this time because I feel like they're needed (but if you read my fics over on AO3 I always give quite detailed end notes that I don't usually share on tumblr because it's just extra time I don't have trying to get two posts together).

So much happened in this installment though because we practically sprinted through season 3! This fic isn't meant to delve into that season though, but I wanted to include the angst of it in here (don't worry, I have another angsty fic planned for season 3 for another day). Reader was clearly struggling with the loss/absence of Matt for the months he'd been gone in this one. She was also the one paying for his apartment and his bills because she didn't believe he was dead. But she was also the last one to know he was alive--hence the title of this installment! And shit did that hurt when she didn't know why Foggy and Karen were pushing her away for weeks, which only led her back to the attractive vet tech, Adam (in case you didn't catch that). And then she didn't find out Matt was alive until she saw him at Father Lantom's wake at the Nelson's butcher shop. Despite being able to understand why they kept her in the dark, she's still pretty hurt and pissed. Especially at Matt. But clearly, Reader will never stop loving Matt.

I have a couple more angsty things up my sleeves that are getting closer to punching you in the gut next, so be prepared, friends! The angst isn't over even if the confession of feelings draws nearer... I currently don't have a title name to tease for the next installment yet either because this almost 7k beast of an installment took up all my brain space for two days, but I'll share a post about it when I do.

Feel free to scream at me now 🙃

#matt murdock x reader #matt murdock x you #matt murdock angst #matt murdock #daredevil

[karenandhenwillson]

I've seen so much discourse about Bucktommy and especially Tommy and it is so wild. I just want to write down some of my thoughts over all of it because that tends to help me to stop thinking about it.

"Oh, how can anyone just abandon Buddie for Bucktommy?"

Has anyone really abandoned Buddie, though? Or are they just for the moment very excited about a new and so very carefully portrait queer story line? Just because some people talk more (or for the moment only) about Bucktommy, doesn't mean they don't like Buddie anymore. They just have something shiny and most importantly canon to fawn over for the moment.

Also, I'd like to give that question back: Why aren't you all excited for a carefully and softly portrait new queer storyline about a character a huge part of the fandom—including the actor himself—hoped for years would get a queer story line?

And it's a pretty unique queer story. Of course, we had Michael figuring out his sexualtiy and growing comfortable in it right at the beginning of the series. But there are some huge differences between Michael's story and Buck's story.

For one, we ended up in the middle of that story. Michael had already done a huge part of the work of getting to know himself. He was ready to live as a gay man. And second, nothing of what we saw until season 3 was from Michael's point of view. It was all from Athena's point of view. 

So it was a "coming-out late in life" story line, sure. But it was a queer storyline from a straight perspective. And in some instances, from a very hurt perspective about it all (which are, of course, very valid emotions for Athena, May, and Harry, but it still gave the queer side of the story line a certain taint). And they did that beautifully, too, no doubt. I especially liked that the family didn't break over it, that they grew with that experience, and that Michael and Athena became great friends over the years.

But now we also have a "coming-out late in life" story line from the queer perspective! 9-1-1 is pretty much the only series I'm following right now, so I have no idea if we had something similar recently. But from all the talk I've seen, it's pretty damn unique, especially for a male bi character. So, of course a lot of people are super excited about it. Because it's honest and good representation that the writers and the actors are handling with a lot of care.

"Oh, if it were a female love interest, you'd all hate her again!"

First of all, go back read that paragraph about many people being excited about getting a queer story line again! I think that's about 40% of the answer for everyone wondering about it.

And then, of course, Tommy has now already more depth and character and background than we ever saw about Ali or Natalia. And despite some people claiming he didn't have any kind of redemption arc, he truly had a lot more of a redemption arc than Taylor ever got even if only glimpses of it were ever shown on screen. (Maybe I'll get into my thoughts about that in another post.) Not gonna talk about Abby, because I think most of the dislike for her came long after that relationship was over after she ghosted Buck (and after Eddie had shown up).

One huge difference between every love interest of Buck or Eddie we have seen in the past to Tommy is also, that Tommy gets along really well with Eddie. We've already seen a friendship develop there. That never happened with any of the women either Eddie or Buck dated before. We saw that one dinner Buck and Taylor had with Eddie and Chris, but it was very clear it was the first time, and that was over half a year into Buck and Taylor dating, probably more like nine months.

If you wear slash googles around Buck and Eddie or not, their deep friendship is undeniable. It's very much canon that they both have a hand in raising Chris. Any love interest coming in has to deal with that, and has to somehow fit into that friendship. Tommy is the very first love interest in canon we have ever been shown to have that potential at all.

I'm personally part of the fandom that thinks that Buck and Eddie have great potential in a romantic way, BUT that they are first and foremost soulmates, no matter if platonic or romantic. And at least the Bucktommy fics I've read so far have all acknowledge the friendship of buck and Eddie and Chris' role in Buck's life. With Tommy being very accepting and supportive of it. (Though, I admit I’m very careful in my selection process.)

"Oh, Bucktommy is only a steppingstone for Buddie anyway! Don't get so invested in it!"

Who are you tell anyone what they should get invested in? I also think, with the excitement right now, even if Bucktommy break up, the ship itself will live on in fandom.

And also, didn't any of you learn out of the cheating story line they settled Hen and Karen with?

There is barely any content for Henren*. And I've been looking! Most stories they are tagged in don't really focus on their relationship. And those who do focus on their relationship get barely any attention. And you know why that is? Because a lot of people can't or don't want to deal with the cheating. (I deal with it by trying to ignore it or seeking out content where it's fixed!) Do you all really want to have a second queer story line that centers around cheating?

And even if none of you care for Henren (which... I know many don't *shrugs sadly*), have you all already forgotten the real pain over Buck kissing Lucy and then not fessing up to Taylor about it right away? (Once again, I deal by either ignoring it or seeking out content that fixes that bullshit.)

I'm honestly pretty disgusted by all the speculation about 7x06 that has anything to do with Buck and Eddie cheating on Tommy and Marisol during the bachelor party. And even more so about all the fics one can find about that, or that use Tommy as a device for Buck and Eddie realizing they are in love. (Honestly, even filtering out the other relationship tag while looking for stories in one relationship tag doesn't prevent one from stumbling over those stories right now, no matter if one is currently looking for Buck/Tommy or Buck/Eddie stories. It's so fucking annoying. I've turned to only reading old Buddie fics for the moment.)

Aside from the whole cheating of it all, why do any of you think the next episode will focus on anyone else but Maddie and Chim?

"Bucktommy is so racist! But really, no surprise in this fandom!"

What's no surprise is that "racist" is once more used as a buzzword in this fandom. To the point that BiPOC fans of Bucktommy are being told they are racist for the ship they like. (Nothing new about that in this fandom either.) Honestly, half the arguments about why the ship is oh so racist either make my head hurt while I try to follow the many, many, many mental loops people are making to get there, or they just make me laugh outright.

Do some of you really believe it when you say "Buck got together with a White man instead of his Latino best friend, so of course that's racist!"??? I'm just... Are you okay? Do you maybe need something warm to drink, a snack, and a nice place somewhere in the sun far away from the internet to just enjoy nature for a little while?

As I said, I'll probably make another post about Tommy's redemption arc over the whole "He is an unrepentant racist and misogynist". That redemption arc exists and has been baked in since season 2 (even if some of people clearly lack the media literacy to see it). Though, other people already put together great meta posts about this. But maybe if there are enough of it, some people will for once acutally read and start to think instead of continuing to spew their hate.

*PS: If anyone has good Henren contant, especially fanfiction, feel free to drop me a DM. I'm always looking!

#911 abc #tommy kinard #even buckley #bucktommy #hen wilson #karen wilson #henren

[kitthepurplepotato]

Week 10 - Now or Never

(Season 1 ending)

Summary: This awkwardness needs to end. You can’t really make it worse so you might as well just go for it.

How will Izuku react to your random outburst?

Warnings: Swear words

First Chapter Master List

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

This is risky fucking business.

This whole idea feels like a stupid game where you have 300 different options with 300 different endings with no hints towards what’s right or wrong. It also doesn’t help that there is a poor girl trying to sleep in your bedroom so yelling Izuku’s face off in a loving way isn’t an option.

To be fair, you kinda know what you want to do and if it’s doesn’t work then shit, it can’t get worse, can it?

You tried to go with the flow; that ended up with you kissing Izuku on his sofa for an hour; long story short, it was a fail.

You tried to be nice and understanding towards Izuku’s feelings and let him keep his distance, which ended with you two being awkward and miserable because you have no idea how to be “buddies” anymore. So, that also failed.

This is why…

You chose violence.

“Midoriya fucking Izuku.” You yell-whisper into the dark room and he jumps up to a sitting position like a frightened little bunny.

“What have I done.” Midoriya mumbles and you really try your best to not smile at his terrified face illuminated by the soft moonlight.

“The fuck is this.” You throw a few of your old notes into the poor guy’s face. “And this.” You put the frame down at the coffee table nicely. “And this.” You pull out the little polaroid from your pajama pockets.

“Stop hanging out with Kacchan…” Midoriya whimpers in a high voice and it’s so fucking comedic you really want to laugh.

“Kacchan has nothing to do with this. I am done, Izuku. Why are we doing this? Why are you sleeping on the fucking sofa when there is a bed big enough for us both in your room, huh? Huh?”

Midoriya blinks twice, utterly confused; and to be honest, so are you, but he doesn’t need to know that.

“I can’t keep doing this to you, it’s wrong…”

“What’s wrong?!” You yell-whisper again, jumping into his mumble. He’s frozen in one place like a deer in the headlights, not really ready for the emotional roller coaster but he takes it anyway, because he’s a good fucking boy.

“It means different to me than it does to you! And I can’t loose you because of this!” Midoriya’s voice is way louder than a whisper by the end of his sentence, but none of you really care at this point; you are quite sure your angry stomping woke Melissa up already anyway.

“That’s what I thought as well. That we don’t feel the same. But I’m 99% sure I was wrong about that.” You mumble and Izuku looks at you with a confused face.

“What?”

“Midoriya Izuku, I’m my own person and my feelings are mine and mine only, so don’t try to guess and give me feelings I don’t have without asking me about them.”

“I didn’t mean to do any of that, Y/N, I…” Izuku’s hands reach out towards you but he pulls them back to his side after a few awkward seconds.

“You see, this is what I’m done with.” You point at him. “You called me Sweet Pea every single day for two months, my own name feels foreign from your lips. It feels rude. You stopped reaching out to me, you pushed me away, and for what? To save our friendship? Izuku, look into my eyes and tell me you are happy now.”

Midoriya doesn’t look into your eyes and doesn’t say a word. “That’s what I thought.” You grumble. “But there is something you seem to forget, Izuku.” He looks up at that, his face still terrified. “I don’t need to take this. I don’t need to give in. If you carve our relationship the way it feels right, then I can do the same. You can’t tell me what to do and what not. With that said…”

This is it. This is fucking it.

You can’t back down now.

It only takes you four steps and one aggressive collar-grab to pull Izuku close and another smaller pull to slot your lips together with his. Izuku makes a small stuttering noise but his lips don’t move, so you take the initiative this time; your lips start to move frantically as you try your best to convey all your frustration and love into one short but heavy kiss. Izuku stays frozen in place and your resolve wavers from the lack of response, so you jerk back, already hating yourself for doing that to him; he’s tired and there is a guest in your room, the timing is off, everything is wrong, this was a terrible idea…

“Okay, m-maybe that was a bit too far, consent and all, I’m so…” You start to mumble, ready to fall on your knees and beg for forgiveness but you don’t have time for that as Izuku suddenly reaches out and pulls you forward by grabbing your neck, your body falling into his lap with the motion. He doesn’t waste a single second; his lips find yours in the middle of your messy fall, his kiss deep and nothing like the small pecks you got a week ago; it’s hot and heavy, full of emotions he can’t convey otherwise, full of words he can’t say out loud; his whole body shakes as he pulls you even closer, his hand grabbing the back of your T-shirt as though he’s terrified you’ll run away, while his other one pulls on the back of your hair in a heated but loving way; the first few kisses are hot and wet, there are tears on both of your faces but none of you care to notice it in the heat of the moment. Izuku sucks on your bottom lips and you open you mouth in surprise; he invites himself in, his tongue slowly mapping out every single crevice as he joins yours in a slow dance; you whimper into his mouth, hot all over, but even in the scorching heat, Izuku is careful and attentive, passionate but kind, and it’s so endearing to feel him holding himself back as he pushes you away to take a deep breath, his eyes dark like the night sky as he stares into your soul.

The room is silent; none of you really know what to say or where to go from here; you sit down on the armrest while Izuku pulls his legs up and hugs them close, then hides his face between his knees to take a few more deep breaths.

“Give me a few minutes and I’ll come to bed, okay?” He mumbles between two heavy pants.

“Uhm, y-yeah. That’s a g-good idea. See you there then.” You mumble awkwardly while you try your best to not freak out in front of him.

You started this. If you back down now, it was all for nothing and that’s not an option; not after the scorching hot kiss you just got offered in exchange.

~•🥦•~

“Can I come in?” Izuku knocks gently on the door, even though he’s halfway in already; you can’t see his face in the dark but you are quite sure he has a shy, suggestive smile on his lips as he does that.

“It’s funny how you never knock on my door but you do on your own.” You retort, trying to ease the sudden tension with a good joke; because damn, there is something in the air, let me tell you.

You have no idea what’s going on right now, to be honest. Was that kiss enough for him to understand you want to be his and his only? Are you dating now? Or are you… exploring? Are you roommates who officially kiss sometimes?

You should have been more clear about your intentions. Okay, Izuku isn’t a person who would be into the whole “friends with benefits” thing but still…

“You did tell me I tend to have the orders wrong, so…maybe it’s a personality trait?” Izu giggles while reminiscing about his drunk shenanigans in the forest.

“Well yeah, I’m sorry to be disappointing, but I’m more the ‘court me, love me then wash my back in the river, naked’ kinda gal.” You snicker as he sneaks closer to the bed.

“I’ll try to remember that, Sweet Pea.”

… and fuck, hearing your nickname from his lips again does some things to your heart.

“You better do, Izu-Izu.” You mumble as he crawls under the comforter with you. He doesn’t come close yet; he lays on his back first then changes his mind and turns over to you while he shamelessly stares at your face illuminated by the moonlight.

“I remember the first night when I came back and you were sleeping on the table. You were so beautiful.” Izuku sighs. “I thought I only feel this way about you because I’ve never shared a flat with a woman before. I forced my feelings down to not make it weird, but they bubbled up, time to time, and by the time I realized I’m going overboard, there was no way back; it was all over for me when I felt you in my arms for the first time. I knew I will never be able to let you go, even if it’s the most selfish thing I’ve ever done.” Izuku’s hand snakes towards you until he finds your hand under the covers; his thumb caresses your palms while he mutters into the sheets.

“I thought I’m just being a fangirl and I tried so hard to keep it that way. It took me forever to realize I don’t see you as pro hero Deku anymore and it was so painful when I did.” You mutter back.

“Why?” Izuku asks and you can’t help but laugh.

“Because there was no way in hell you would ever look at me any other way, Izu. At least I thought you wouldn’t. Pro hero Deku was already my dream guy but somehow, Izuku… was even better, even more unreachable. Because Izuku is perfect in every single way and I’m just me. I thought this Izuku guy deserves the world but I’m just a piece of sand on the beach.” You sigh into the small space between you two.

Izuku stays silent for a few moments.

“So you didn’t realize you were his world all along?” He whispers, his hands moving towards your middle to pull you close. Your heart makes a somersault in your chest.

“It had not cross my mind.” You smile with tears pooling in your eyes.

“This Izuku guy needs to get his shit together and show you then.” He smiles, his eyes just as wet as yours.

“Can he start with a good night kiss?” You ask cheekily.

“He certainly can.” Izuku answers with a mischievous smile on his face as he closes the distance between you two and pushes forward for a slow, deep kiss. Your bodies slot into each other perfectly, not a single millimeter left between you two as he pulls you closer and closer with every single, lazy kiss until the sun peeks through the window.

The poor boy will have a hard time waking up tomorrow morning, that’s for sure; but nothing in the whole wide world can ruin the giddy happiness you both feel as you snuggle into the other with lips puffy, red and tingly from all the kissing, bodies warm and comfortable under the featherlight cover as you take in the other’s scent, knowing this is what you will fall asleep to every single day for the rest of your lives.

The End…?!

…

“Sweet Pea, wake up.” A pleasant voice chirps into your ears, but it’s way too early and it’s so nice and warm in Izuku’s embrace…

“Fuck no, go away.” You grumble at the pleasant voice, pushing yourself deeper into Izuku’s chest to hide your ears from the annoying chirp.

“Fuck yes, you are suffering with me today, love.” Izuku giggles, leaving small kisses on your cheeks and forehead to wake you up.

“5 more minutes?” You whine but the boy is ruthless; his arms disappear from around you and it’s suddenly so cold and the bed isn’t as comfortable as it was a few seconds ago… “You are so mean!”

Izuku doesn’t answer for a while but you can hear the rustle of his costume as he changes. You really have the urge to peek, but you decide to behave yourself; you’ll be able to peek whenever you want in the near future, there is no reason to rush it. One thing at a time.

“You might wanna take a shower and brush your hair before I introduce you to my team. Sleepy Sweet Pea is my favorite Sweet Pea, but I would rather keep this look for myself, if you don’t mind me being a little bit selfish.” Izuku sits back, his fingers playing with your frizzy hair. It takes you a few seconds to understand the implications of the sentence, but when you do, you jump up as though someone just electrocuted you.

“WHAT?!”

“We are going to my agency. I’ll give you a complete tour. Then we will sneak into Kacchan’s agency to say hi.” Izuku fakes nonchalance but you can see the mischievous smile hiding behind his hands.

“OH MY GOD I’M GOING TO PRO HERO DEKU’S AGENCY OH MY GOD.” You jump into the greenette’s lap with zero shame. He giggles like a high school boy. You fucking love that giggle.

“You are literally in pro hero Deku’s lap right now, Sweets.” Midoriya comments with an incredulous look.

“Shut up Izuku and let me geek out!” You yell into the silence; Izuku winces from the loudness as it hits his sensitive ears but he can’t help the happy laugh bubbling up his chest.

“You haven’t changed at all.”

“Nope.” You grin as you jump off his lap to start to get ready. “Oh my god, okay, I need to shower, brush my hair, straighten it, put on some make up…” You start to mumble as you start running around in Izuku’s room in a frenzy. “This is not my room, fuck.” You giggle awkwardly as you look down at the random Deku hoodie you took out of his dresser by accident.

“You can wear that if you want.” Izuku winks and you are just about to become a blushing mess when a new voice joins the conversation.

“Come on, lovebirds, Mei’s plane arrives in an hour!” Melissa giggles outside.

“Oh fuck.” You laugh at your own shenanigans and make your way towards the main bathroom, but not before you leave a small, closed mouthed kiss on Izuku’s lips. “I’ll be ready in 10.”

“Minutes or hours?” Izuku retorts with his whole face red as a tomato; kissing in broad daylight is a new thing for you both.

“Oi, shut up, Mr. IWakeUpLookingPerfectAfter3HoursSleep.” You mumble under your breath as you sprint out of his room.

You don’t think you’ve ever been this happy in your whole life and fuck, it’s only going to get better from now on!

You can’t wait to tell Jirou about this and hug the shit out of her for forcing you to take a leap of faith and move in with a stranger.

You’ve definitely made the best decision of your life on that dreadful afternoon.

Click here for season 2!

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Potato ramble:

- I can’t believe we are done with Season 1! I want to cry 😢 I hope you liked the “ending”. Obviously this story is far from being done hence why it might not feel like an actual ending. I have so many ideas and I really hope you guys will stay for season two!

- There will be a break next week then we are back in business! I already finished the new header so take a look!

- I want to thank you guys for all your comments and likes on this one, it was so much fun to read them all and I absolutely loved answering your questions about the story!

- Season 2 might have some other ships mentioned as well, I hope that’s fine! I’m also working on a Kirishima x Bakugou extra as I’m quite sure you guys already had a feeling there is something going on with those two in the background 😂

- Season two will be slightly more suggestive but in case I decide to go further than that I’ll make it a separate chapter and make sure you guys know it’s 18+, but I haven’t decided yet so feel free to tell me your thoughts! (It won’t be as suggestive as the S2 of my Bakugou story, Izuku isn’t that kinda guy. 😂)

- See you guys in two weeks, I love you all! 💕

TL: @porusuniverse @stickygumchewer @sixxze @mily-moo @aei-sedai-moiraine @aymasakusa @kastuari @kenzie-deadly @shiviwrites07 @lukerycyja-reblogs @cloroxisadelectabletreat @coffeent @kisskissshutmydoor @bobcar1 @yazminetrahan @cringefan @ronimacaroni77 @thekookiecorner @dangerousluv1 @emperatris-rinaka @shotos-angelic-whore @angelsdemonsmonsters @norvacaine

#bnha x reader #mha x reader #midoriya izuku x y/n #pro hero deku x reader #deku x reader #izuku x reader #midoriya x reader #midoriya fluff #midoriya izuku x reader #midoriya izuku x you

[misshoneyimhome]

Cause I'm not ready | Auston Matthews 

Tags: jealous!auston; Austonxreader;

A/n: I don’t know why, but I feel like Auston would be the kind of guy that isn’t good at showing his emotions and admit his feelings to himself 😉

*

Cause I'm not ready; To find out you know how to forget me I'd rather hear how much you regret me And pray to God that you never met me Than forget me

”Forget me” - Lewis Capaldi

*

Dating Auston Matthews was no walk in the park; however, it had been the best three months of your life. It was just after New Year's, when Auston had made his move. You were a friend of a friend of a… you weren’t even sure how you became part of the group hanging out with the hockey players of the Toronto Maple Leafs. Nonetheless, you and Auston had grown close and formed a relationship, the more time you had spent together as a group.

So, one cold January evening, Auston had decided that he'd want to spend some alone time with you and get to know you better. And oh, so did you. It had been a classic: starting out with a coffee chat, then dog walks with Felix while talking, then evenings at his place simply watching your favourite shows. After a few weeks, it turned into make-out sessions on the sofa, and not long after, heated sessions in the bedroom followed.

It had been truly amazing. Not to mention the sex; oh boy, did that boy know his way around a female body. He had made you feel incredible. The first times had been slow and soft; he took his time to make you feel good, to please you - he'd always make sure you had at least one orgasm before continuing to make himself feel good inside you. Then it got a bit more heated; to which you couldn't complain. Auston had a bit of a rough side to him - nothing BDSM kinky or alike, but he simply liked to dominate in the bedroom - and the kitchen, and the living room, and the bathroom… okay, his entire condo and maybe even yours. But again you didn't complain. He was amazing. Full stop.

But then the playoffs came closer, and Auston had to prioritise his time and energy on hockey. It hadn't been a bad breakup - if you can even call it that. He had been honest with you, which is more than you can say most other guys had ever been, and a part of you had sort of seen it coming. You had been spending quite a lot of time with the hockey players and their significant others, so you knew how much time and effort the players had to put into training and the games. So when Auston said he couldn't find the time to see you, you were okay. A little disappointed, but okay.

Honestly, you probably hadn't even expected it to become anything more serious. Auston wasn't exactly known to be the marrying kind of guy who'd want to settle down ASAP and have a family. He might want to someday, but for now, he enjoyed his youth. And with his charming personality, flirty smiles, and devilish demeanour, he could probably have anyone he'd like. Auston enjoyed the freedom of being a young bachelor, but there had been something about you that had made him enjoy the closeness of someone. Something had triggered within him to reconsider the whole idea of a relationship. But for the time being, he'd want to focus on hockey.

So now that the new season was about to begin, and everyone was slowly coming back to Toronto, you knew you were eventually going to see him again. And you didn't mind at all. You had had a great time over the summer; you'd visited your family, gone on a few trips with the girls, caught up on sleep and your favourite TV shows… it had been a great summer - and oh yes, you'd also started seeing someone.

Dean was sweet; a couple of years older than you, worked in banking, and was an overall good guy. And he adored you. He'd do anything for you - even come along to the first home game of the hockey season, even though he knew nothing about the sport.

Auston had expected to see you during the friendly games, but when you weren't there, he'd felt a small tinge of disappointment. During the off-season, he'd missed you, but he didn't want to reach out, seeing on your Instagram how much fun you were having. And he also knew that he was the one who broke it off. But nonetheless, he missed you.

So when he saw you for the first time in months, after the winning home game, where he had played amazingly by the way, he was thrilled. Well, at first. Until he saw the guy standing next to you, with an arm around you. Auston never thought of himself as the jealous type - but that was until the moment he saw you smile and laugh when engaging in a conversation with the other friends and families. A laughter that was music to his ears and a smile that lit up his entire world, even on a grey rainy day. A smile that usually he'd be the one to put on your beautiful face and a laughter that was usually caused by one of his idiotic jokes.

You seemed happy.

"Hey Aus," you smiled. "What a great game!"

Auston simply smiled back at you.

"Thanks," was all he managed to reply.

You were even being nice and friendly towards him. You greeted him as the friend he was to you, and congratulated him on the win as well as praising his wonderful play. Couldn't you just at least be mad at him? Or something? It just seemed like you'd forgotten all about what had happened between the two of you. Like it was nothing. But it was not nothing. Not to Auston at least. Only he'd just realised that now.

"Dean, this is my friend Auston - Auston, this is Dean," you introduced the two lads. You figured, why not - Auston had broken up with you, and you'd decided to stay friends, so why couldn't you introduce your new flirt?

"It's nice to meet you, I've heard so much about you," Dean said, offering Auston a friendly smile.

"Can't say the same about you - I mean, that I've heard about you… but great to meet you too," Auston blurted out.

There was a slight awkward feeling among the three of you, but you handled the situation nonchalantly, and you all went back to chatting with the group.

**

Between that game and the following home game, you and Auston had barely talked. Not that you'd talked much during the off-season - it had mostly just been occasional snaps of whatever you were doing, wherever you were, and liking each other's Instagram stories and posts.

But these days had been killing Auston. Knowing that you were in the same city as him, talking to the same people, and going to places where he'd be, was killing him. He'd want to reach out to you. To spend time with you. To make you laugh and talk to you like you used to. But you were with Dean.

And honestly, you didn't even think of Auston. You were happy with Dean. And just overall happy to be back in your everyday life routines. Nothing could get you off course.

So you thought.

After the home game, yet another win for the Leafs, Auston quickly noticed you standing with the group of significant others, chatting. But this time you weren't wearing his jersey, like you used to. And Dean was there as well.

As Auston came out of the locker room, he moved towards you to greet you. You were smiling as your eyes locked and took a little step forward to meet him. And that's when Auston couldn't stop himself - he wrapped an arm around you and pulled you in for a kiss. It wasn't an intense kiss nor just a peck on the cheek - it was a soft and gentle kiss on the lips.

Without saying a word, Auston pulled away and walked back to the other players. You were baffled. Stunned by his actions. Yet a certain, familiar sensation of pleasure filled your body.

"Wow… somebody wants people to know that you're not available…" Dean nervously chuckled.

"Oh no… that's just Auston being…" you trailed off, unable to fully articulate what had just happened.

"I think I get the message," Dean softly said, offering a friendly smile. "He likes you."

You were unable to reply. So you just simply nodded.

"…and you like him," Dean added.

Again, all you could do was nod.

**

After Auston had finished up in the locker room, he walked out and immediately saw you standing alone.

"Where's your date?" He asked, coming over to you. You couldn't help but smile a little.

"He left," you said with a calm and soft voice.

"Why?"

"What do you mean why…" you gave him a slight puzzled expression. "Because of you."

Of course, Auston knew that. He just wanted for you to say it. And he simply let out a sigh.

"I don't get you, Aus…" you tried your best to remain calm. "You broke it off with me… but then you go and do something like this?" You spoke with a soft voice.

"I'm sorry… I don't know what to say, y/n," Auston simply replied.

"Just tell me what you want?"

Auston was unable to formulate a proper sentence. Something that was unusual for him. When he didn't say anything, you let out a sigh and slowly began to walk away.

"Well, let me know when you've figured it out…"

You were almost by the exit, when a hand grabbed yours and pulled you into a large body. Auston had run after you, and still unable to articulate his feelings, he pulled you in for a deep kiss.

The kiss was good - wonderful even - and only when needing to breathe for air, you both pulled away.

"You," Auston softly spoke. "I want you."

#auston matthews imagine #auston matthews #nhl player imagine #toronto maple leafs #toronto maple leafs fic #nhl hockey player