#hate feeling miserable

[sick-sad-doll]

Hate Existing

#hate feeling like everyone hates me #hate feeling miserable #hate myself #rjb.org

[suntails]

toot toot!

#breaking my streak of dramatic af captions bc look at this. look at it. wtf was i supposed to call it. he's tootin whaddya want from me #he go TOOT TOOT on his lil trumpet i fuckgjn LOVE HIM im maxing this card im serious #lvl 60 10/10 no expense is too much for my precious boy #i found a new brush that has this rly soft charcoal vibe and i used it on this whole thing and it was SEXY it was HEAVEN #it was fun for coloring too!!! and the outfit colors are fun to color OUGHH everything made just for me <3 feeling SILLY #twst #twisted wonderland #twst silver #his bunny outfit sweeps like im sorry but its the best card of the event and its not even fucking close #suntails #i did one 10-pull bc i wanted the paint bonus from epel's card even tho i HATE that card #and i instead got SUPER lucky and got deuce and NO epel!!! i couldnt be fucking happier #then my job interview today never called and i was miserable again but it was an internal issue and im now rescheduled for next week #so please dear god pls guys pray i get this job. i want it sooooo bad

[ailurophilerebeccaexists]

Touched starved and touch repulsed

#bpd safe #bpd vent #bpd feels #bpd culture is #bpd thoughts #bpd problems #tw mental health #tw depressing stuff #hell is a teenage girl #tw depressing thoughts #i’m miserable #i hate everything

[lemongogo]

#waiting for livraz 2 show up^ #elendira #trigun maximum #trigun #lg doodles #mo but im like . going 2 complain for five secodns #but i hate working full time i hate it ive awkays hated it i will always hate it and when im dead ill still be hating on it #NOOO ENERGYY(‘!!!for anything . ever . #like ive given up on hobbies bc it feels soo fcking impossible to do anyrhing that isnt cooking dinner and then passing out 4 the night #miserable existence i want to claw my face off #the oast two yrs have been manageable in the sense that i alws had smt to look forward to #hyperfix or whagever. but these past 6 months r grey.DESOLATE‼️‼️‼️devoid of purpose #elendira outstretched hand lets take ibuprofen together #but its lexapro #anyways . ^__^!!~~ hope uve had a good day today #or did smt fun this week #bHELPPPP #walking 2 my car rn actually .. inagine the virgin walk guy thats like this > 🚶 #metbh #being let out of my hamster cage . only to return 2morrow

[dreadark]

that ivan loves till is the most obvious thing about them

but. does ivan know that…?

the ivan that regards his own feelings as shallow, the ivan that learned how emotions are expressed only from copying others… does he even know that the love he’s felt for so long is love? probably not. and part of the reason is the one he loves himself

because the easiest example he has of love is till's feelings to mizi. till outright calls it love, and ivan watches him so much he has to be aware of this and till’s love to mizi is totally unselfish, right. he doesn’t seem to actually want much from her—just that she's still there and still "mizi"

but ivan can't be satisfied with just watching he… wants. ivan wants till’s attention, till’s affection—

surely this selfish wanting can’t be love

...no wonder he was never able to express his feelings straightforwardly when he belittles them so much but he can’t stand not having anything either, so he does… whatever he does instead to get any scraps of attention he can, from someone he's convinced doesn't care about him at all only showing affection when till can't see it, right until he knows he's going to die

but ivan's feelings for till are all he still has of himself... to think of them as shallow...

I've seen this translated as "I should've been kinder" to him (till) or to her (sua)

but really, the one he should've been kinder to was himself

#alien stage #alnst #alnst ivan #ivantill #i have a lot of thoughts on till -> mizi too but this is long enough #just attempting to rewrite my twt rambles more coherently #idk why i wrote this so dramatically tho... #'thank you for being the victim of my shallow emotions' is going to haunt me to my grave #ivan's character is just a careful balance between his natural freak nature and his extreme depths of self-loathing #making him the most miserable guy ever #...really once you realize so much of what went wrong is thanks to ivan just hating himself too much to even think of them as friends. well #c...can we bring him back... don't die like this..... #(also you know. with the implications of how 'pets' are treated #wanting someone physically must feel... even more wrong

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

There is a platonic explanation for all this. Right?

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #[accidental kiss] is a purposeful misspelling to reference an old meme. I will blast anyone who tries to correct me with the crunchiest png #The kiss looks like wwx is biting lwj's cheek....It *does* have the consistency of a soft marshmallow so he's not in the wrong. #Once again: wwx was never *ever* oblivious to the implications of the situation. On the contrary: this entire scene + the prior shows- #that he very much understands that this looks gay to the viewers. #He just doesn't think its possible to be loved like that. *Especially not by Lan Zhan.* #Do people forget that LWJ had 13 years to process his feelings VS WWX's (give or take) week? #This is the moment he realizes wwx has feelings and he HATES HIMSELF FOR IT. He feels like he's betraying lwj's trust! #The demi feeling of having spent so long in a comfortable platonic relationship and then getting struck by the 'oh shit' moment. #Its not a soft 'Oh' - Its a 'Oh god they are going to hate me and I can't bear that. I need to be so normal about this or else'. #Pour one out for all of us who've had to go through the trials of trying to conceal the painful realization of deeper affections. #Anyway. *both* lwj and wwx fall in love kicking and screaming and miserable and clawing at the walls about it. #Continuity acknowledgement: wwx's hands are unbound at this point but I had a hellish time with blocking and this was a bit easier.

[minkowskyy]

Do you have any idea what your purpose in this place is?

#the stanley parable #tsp #tsp narrator #the narrator #tspud #honestly i absolutely hate the way this turned out but i simply put too much effort not to publish this unfortunately #i feel miserable..........................................

[butterflysonnets]

yes i'm rooting for m*leven breakup because byler is neat but mostly? i'm rooting for m*leven breakup for the sake of el and mike.

to me, their romance was always a puppy love born out of a combination of social pressures, naïve curiosity, and a lack of true understanding regarding intimacy and romantic love and what it really is. it was real in that they do truly, deeply care about each other and they are close friends, maybe even shared an attraction, but a maturing romance is so much more than that. they've grown up and out of being boyfriend/girlfriend, and that's okay! i think television/film needs to show more often that most of us don't have definite "soulmates" or first childhood loves that we spend our whole lives with. it doesn't mean these relationships meant nothing and didn't impact us, it just means they've run their course and that something else is in the cards, and this is part of life!

i've always felt el was at her best and most confident self when broken up with mike, discovering who she was and what she liked alongside another girl her age instead of just relying on mike for mentorship on how to live in the real world. she deserves more of an opportunity to find herself, her autonomy, and her independence, and to love who she is, and she's made it clear she's felt insecure in the relationship with mike because she isn't being loved and understood the way she wants, needs, and deserves from someone who is her partner.

also, it's okay if mike doesn't love her in "the way he should". he is not obligated to love her romantically and stay in a relationship with her just because she's a girl, because she "needed someone", or because he cares about her a lot. he shouldn't be pressured into a romance if it's not truly coming from his heart. he deserves freedom to find out and honour who he is, too, instead of just staying in his non-functional first relationship — one he got into as a child, essentially — and defining himself that way because it's what's expected when a boy and a girl are close. he loves her in some way, yes, but it's okay if he doesn't feel comfortable or secure being her boyfriend anymore, for whatever reason that is. he's felt insecure too, and that's valid and it matters.

they are their own people and are steadily growing and changing every day. they need time to figure out who those people are, and it's become clear (at least in my opinion) that those people aren't meant to be a couple at this stage.

they deserve freedom. they deserve to grow up and be authentic to themselves and not feel like they need to lie for the sake of a relationship. they deserve to move on from this version of their relationship that isn't making them happy and rekindle the best part of their bond: their strong, beautiful friendship. they don't have to be a couple if it doesn't make them stronger and better and happier people.

i think it would be healthy and wonderful for a show, especially one consumed frequently by young adults, to show a relationship starting, progressing, and ending on good terms in this way. sometimes things don't work out, and that is okay.

#eve text #elmike #stranger things #byler #only tagging byler because i feel like yall will like this take lol #tagging tagging tagging WHAT ARE EVERYONE ELSE'S THOUGHTS #god i can't believe i'm making a post about stranger things. this feels like poking a bear #i'm not particularly anti m*leven but like... they'd have to do something pretty special at this point for me to feel like it's viable #i'm seeing the bts of s5 and it's got me Having Thoughts #elmike friendship is something i am so passionate about #even before i ever liked byler (didn't ship at all until s4 even though i knew it was a thing before) i've felt this way about elmike #i always believed they were close friends at heart and needed to break up #the romance part of them felt very distinctly young and very much “he was a boy she was a girl” to me #and it hasn't deepened into anything more mature and i don't see how it could based on the current state of the writing... #the fact that lumax exists — a young relationship that is actively maturing and is healthy — makes that clear to me #and the “love confession” in s4 and how disingenuous and miserable it felt was just the nail in the coffin #also the fact that will (who is IN LOVE with mike) was instrumental in making it happen? ... uh... okay... interesting choice… #fucked up and reductive if they make it another queer unrequited love sacrifice for the sake of pushing the heterosexual agenda YUCK #so i really hope the speculation about a m*leven breakup is real!! i think it just makes sense for their characters but who knows #i don't believe in the notion of love at first sight or one true love and i think the writers don't too??? #love to me is an accumulation of experiences and we inevitably choose it at some point rather than fall into it... but idk #tv is so fixated on keeping couples together... sometimes it's just not reality guys especially with young people... LET IT GO... #like i said though i'm not 100% sold that they're going to give up their “golden couple” LMAO #stranger things hasn't historically subverted too many tropes if i'm being honest #anyway i seriously need this season to come out quickly... i'm so bored and getting my master's is crushing my soul #i need frivolity #ALSO btw i won't respond to hateful messages about this so please don't bother. it's not that serious. this is a netflix show

[xenomorphicdna]

On the string propaganda

Heeellll yeah

Bestie is an entire PLACE

I look at those guys and let me tell you the soul of that thing ain't just in the puppet, it's in all the neurons carrying the thoughts and emotions, it's in the power rails that serve as the heart. All the memories in the memory conflux and all the numbers we see flicker across displays, the flux condensers, the puppet; a little avatar.

No way these massive machines see life the same way we do. They have their own experiences and senses and things they hold dear. A world we can't imagine, a way of living we couldn't even comprehend.

I could never tear an iterator apart to be just a puppet. Who am I to decide how's life supposed to be enjoyed or perceived?

You treat your creechurs however you want- I ain't gonna dictate that. But damn, hearing the thrums and buzzes of the linear systems rail? They are alive with so much power, these mechanical beasts are exactly what they should be.

#sorry im just a really passionate on the string believer #you cant tell me that these massive structures kilometers wide capable of things we cant even image would look at something thats #thats comparable to a speck of dust and be like #yes i would like to rid myself of practically my entire body to be that tiny #this aint no “if i were a supercomputer i'd be sad i couldnt see the sky like i do now” #thats only because you have something to compare it to #if i were to suddenly loose everything to be just some microscopic creature i'd be miserable but only because i know what im loosing #id be loosing the ability to think like i do now id be loosing the ability to enjoy the things i do now #i dont know what life is like as a microscopic creature but i wouldnt be willing to give up my life as i know it now #and i think with iterators are the same #just how different is their life from ours and what things can they see that we are missing out on? #give up everything comfortable and known and for what?? #to feel the sun? they absolutely have various temperature sensors #see the sky? those overseers were made to see things those visuals are in 4k #other animal comforts?? what about computer comforts?? #what makes a lil creature happy may not necessary make a massive supercomputer happy #sorry big rant in the tags um just wanna say this is no hate to anyone who wants their creatures off the string #these are fictional beings and you do whatever makes you happy take them off the string set them loose yess enjoy little robots running #around be happy i love reading ya alls off the string shenanigans #rain world #iterator #drawins #oc veil of dreams #rw talk #rain world oc #iterator oc

[wishing-for-deathx]

You know what’s selfish? Breaking someone to the point where they don’t live. Breaking them so bad that they cant be fixed anymore. When they think of life, it’s synonymous to agony. They just survive each day. It’s not selfish to want to end it. It’s liberation from suffering. It’s selfish to do this to someone repeatedly and ask them to stay.

Why should I stay when no ever did.

#heartache #my post #break up #unrequited feelings #unrequited love #bpd #miserable #being borderline #unrequited #actually borderline #being bpd #not good enough #suffering #broken #lonely #alone #self hate

[venussaidso]

I'm not even trying to be mean but I think men are overhyped. In my life, I've never meet one significant boy or man whose proven to me why men are so great. If anything, most adults warned me about men since I was a kid. The most overrated (and unstable) gender but everyone's seeking their approval; even men want validation from other men.

I seriously think chasing male validation is a sickness, because no way you're seeking it from a man? A MAN???

#random #I don't think I like men tbh #I don't hate them #But I don't feel good about them #Hanging around women always makes me feel safer; seen or even comforted #everytime i hung out with men i always felt unsettled for some reason #+ Being male-centered disturbs one's peace #I know you're miserable when you're in your male-centered era #Male-centeredness is like a mix of being delusional and desperate; sad combo tbh

[puppyeared]

I love you when we haven’t talked in weeks and months I love you when I have 12 unread messages I love you when im not in the mood to talk. We’re still friends even when we spend time apart

#it’s like delayed parallel play to me.. or perhaps sending letters in the mail #when I wrote this it’s because I have this thing that is like. having too much of a good thing #like if I talk to someone and love them too much I burn out.. does that make sense?? is that a universal experience??? #so sometimes when I have to spend time by myself I don’t stop loving my friends I think #especially because when I burn out I feel miserable for no reason and my brain comes up with ways to hate people #like oh they’re probably spending time with other ppl you’re disposable.. they probably forgot about you #one time I thought that if my friends were getting married they’d forget to invite me and it became a fear I’m trying to get over #but the answer I came up with is to keep reminding people I exist to stay present in their lives #even if it’s not as often as I can manage or would like. idk #yapping #feelings

[beelzebubsfavor]

troy and abed keep me sane during my episodes

#troy barnes #abed nadir #trobed #community #community nbc #i am so miserable #i hate having bpd so much #these two gays keep me sane #if i dont feel loved by my partner i will feel loved through them

[ailurophilerebeccaexists]

Don’t get too attached. They can leave you at any moment.

#tw depressing thoughts #tw self sabotage #mentally fucked #female hysteria #hell is a teenage girl #jiraiblogging #jirai onna #tw depressing stuff #bpd safe #bpd vent #bpd feels #bpd thoughts #bpd problems #i’m miserable #tw mental health #i hate everything #mentally tired

[hoaxghost]

this month has sucked ass for my creative output. idk everything sucks ass lately just imagine im posting something real funny

#ugh sigh. i dunno i just miss drawing and i hate seeing how little ive done in a month proper #like its halloween and ive done jack shit again #accomplished.....nothiiiinnngggg #hoaxghost rambles #sorry to get sad on sideblog its hard not to act miserable when youre feeling it everyday #id rather have people yell at me to draw more than people telling me to take a break

[flashdoesahundredyarddash]

"I'm not your pet, I never liked you, I never cared about you, I won't wait for you. I bite."

VS "I'm not a violent dog. I don't know why I bite.."

(ermmm pointing to who made me draw this... you know who you are...ermm.. (didn't make me but ermm) comparing Thad to Isle Of Dogs has me sobbing goodbye guys...)

#dc will you please give him a family that will love him and show him that he doesnt have to earn respect just to get attention #when they had barry pull up with “he's just an angry kid” and he literally offered to adopt him (didn't happen but basically what could've) #:((( #he reminds me of isle of dogs and that makes me hurt so much #do you know what if feels like to be loved... #thad i will adopt you please #i will literally give you the world for you to be happy #thaddeus thawne #thad thawne #inertia #guys he makes me miserable #speedster ramble #but at the same time it is art #sooo #speedster art #AGAIN? ermm this is a treat #flashfam #because he IS in the flash family to MEEEE #dc comics #i hate this so much (< affectionately)