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jellyluvr · 1 year

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I thought about this since you're asking for requests:

really innocent and naive fem reader (like she grew up with religious parents) that doesn't understand that kai is fooling her into doing things that would sexually pleasure him, (like bending over, jumping and bouncing iynwim), and she doesn't know how to pleasure herself or what does it mean, (cause her parents kept this world hidden from her in every way possible) so kai find her in a needy and HOT state (like humping, breathing heavily, staring, squirming, and stuff). I would like it to be a "professor x student reader" if you feel comfortable with it (it could be also university student of course, but i feel like they would have less interactions in a university context).

I apologize in advance if you don't like it, and if you wanna change something it's ok obviously. ❤

Good girl

- Kai-prof x fem!reader-stud ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

It's definitely something I've never done before, but I'm cool with it. I'm guessing this is a daddy kink? I don't imagine the reader being over 20, so ima make the reader 18+ in her first year of university. Kai is staying 30, though.

TW: daddy kink, kai bein' gross, masturbation?, and dirty stuff. Obviously pet names.

S: kai gives u help and it gets out of hand

Masturbation or fingering idk lol

Mr. Anderson had always been quite weird. I mean, he was the only professor with died hair besides the hippie girl down the hall. Plus he was kind of young. Still strict though.

He was always strict. With everyone.

Except you.

You thought about it sometimes. Maybe you were just a favorite? Maybe he just liked how motivated you were to turn in assignments before the deadline.

It never occurred to you he liked you romantically, that was until today.

—like 1 hour ago—

You sat at your usual spot in his room. Only a few other students were in their with you. Most had left, but his class was never full. People always said he had a stick up his ass about everything.

But, you liked him, just like how all your teachers liked you. You always obeyed rules, you were a good kid. A good girl, he'd always say.

You never thought anything of it. You only listened to his rants about various things, usually math stuff.

You struggled at math. You almost hated it if it wasn't for Mr. anderson. He helped you a lot. Usually at the end of class since you were too embarrassed to do it infront of people.

And it was the same today. With your books sprawled out infront of you and sticky notes all over pages, pink and blue sticking out of the books, you continued to write in them. You took notes very frequently, your hand always moving. You never really had time to take a drink of your coffee that was probably cold by now. You only focused on what he said. But while he explained the algebra and bullshit, your mind dozed off. You didn't even notice the people leaving the room.

Now it was just you and Mr. Anderson. He obviously noticed this.

"Y/n, you okay?" He asked sweetly. He had to be nice despite his whole second identity out of the university.

"Oh-... yeah." You said, looking up from your hands you had been staring at. It was now you saw no one was there but you and him.

"You having trouble? I can help if you'd like?" He smiled. That was what he usually said when you weren't extremely enthusiastic as usual.

"Uh.. yeah. I could use some help." You nodded slightly, grabbing a textbook before standing up, reapond to his signal to come down. You went down the slim stairs quickly before stopping at his oddly organized desk and placing your book down.

"So.. what's the issue?" He asked, his head turning to you. You didn't really know. You hadn't even been paying attention.

"Uh.. I just didn't understand anything really..." you said sheepishly. You really had no idea what you were struggling with. You also had no idea what he had been talking about.

"Well maybe if you were paying attention you'd know." He took one of his chunky erasers and started to erase your scrambled notes.

You could tell he was angry. It was obvious. You had never really not paid attention. It was weird for you. Abnormal. And kai knew this. He knew it wasn't like you to do something like that.

So, he started to talk about what he had. This time you had no choice but to listen. But, one sentence caught your attention.

"I can get you a good grade, I can get you a good score on the next test. You'd want that, right?" He placed his pencil down, the paper now full of the notes you should've already had. He turned to you, some hair falling in his face.

"Yeah.." you nodded. You wanted to impress him, impress your parents. Make them proud.

"'Kay, so you're gonna do a favor for me. Sound good, y/n?" He gave a little grin, resting his elbow on the desk.

You were too innocent to know what he may have been implying. You grew up a sheltered life. You still didn't know the full story about reproduction. Or sex. You had always just assumed you'd learn at the right time. But that was really what your parents had brainwashed you into thinking. You still had parental controls on your phone. It was stupid, but they said it was for your safety.

It wasn't going to save you now.

"Y/n-" Kai was about to speak to get your attention before you made up your mind.

"Yeah. What do you want me to do?" You asked. It was clear you had no idea what he was trying to imply. It brought a devilish smirk across his face.

"Well, first I want to show you a little trick... yeah?" He chuckled lightly before turning in his chair, scooting up to be closer to you.

You had nodded, but you didn't know what to expect. Was he going to lecture you face to face maybe? But your thoughts scrambled as he grabbed both your arms and pushed them together.

What the hell was he doing?

"Okay.. just keep your arms together like that." He let out a little snicker. You kept your arms together regardless of not knowing what it was.

But kai was enjoying the view. The view of your chest pushed together. It almost made him a little excited if it wasn't for your stupidity on the subject.

"Alright. Just uh.. bend over, sweetie." He asked. You were really confused now. What was he going to do with this? What was the trick?

"Uhhh... okay...?" You bent over, your arms still pressed together. But kai just laughed a little.

"Turn around, hun." He had that same smirk while you turned around. Today had been a perfect day to wear one of your sluttiest skirts wasn't it?

"Good girl.." he hummed.. he was clearly happy.

But what was unexpected was the feeling of him touching your backside. Your panties were visible, but you didn't even realize that until he grazed his finger over your folds. You let out a soft gasp before immediately standing straight. You knew that wasnt right to do.

"Hey! No.." you said turning around. Kai just raked his eyes over your body before they landed on your eyes.

"What? It's just for the trick. I promise you'll like it.. plus, it might even get you that good score. But if you're gonna act like a brat about it I don't have to help you." His tone turned salty in the matter of seconds. You really needed that good score. If he let it drop you'd be screwed. And the test was only in a few days so, you just let out a soft "okay.."

And with your go he gestured his finger for you to turn around again. So, you did and bent over.

His hands returned to your ass, his cold hands palming them. You held back the urge to whimper and moan, but you didn't even know why you were feeling like that. You were starting to feel weird, and without even realizing it you let a whimper slip.

"Alright. You can turn back around, princess." He said with a slight snicker and you just obeyed.

You turned around, pulling your skirt down a bit to cover more of your body. You started to feel really uncomfortable and awkward now.

"Is that all? Can I go now?" You asked. You had a sort of disgusted look on your face but kai ignored it.

"Don't you want to know what the trick is? It's something that happens right here..." he put his hand in between your thighs and let his hand rub. Your legs felt weak when he did that and your breathing quickened with a breathy moan.

"See?" He hummed taking his hand away.

Now your thighs were squeezed together tight. You felt uncomfortable now. But you felt something new. A warmth in your stomach and a hot feeling in your panties. You felt like you had pissed yourself for a second, but you knew it wasn't controllable.

"Doesn't it feel good, princess?" He smiled, his dimples showing.

You couldn't help but nod a bit. It did feel good, but it was frustrating. Now you felt an ache. A sensation.

"Why don't you come sit down? I'll help you with that math of yours.. hm?" He patted his thigh, obviously signaling for you to come sit on his lap. You looked, a tint of red showing on your face until you sat down, his arms going under yours to grab his pencil. His left hand traveled to your thigh and before you knew it, his finger was on your panties again.

He continued to talk like normal while you squirmed a bit on his lap while his fingertip grazed over your clothed clit. You couldn't focus though. Not with his lap warm and your panties radiating heat. It was impossible to focus, and your thighs began to clench around his hand.

You stiffened up while his chest pressed against your back and his head rested on your shoulder. He was too close. Way too close.

Your breathing quickened while kais fingers began to play with the hem of your panties. You felt your face get hot and a silky liquid escape your folds. But kai just continued.

"Mr. Anderson.." your mouth opened, his name creeping out.

"Hm?" He hummed his nose pressed against your neck.

"Can you stop..?" You said sheepishly. If only you clarified what you wanted him to stop.

"Of course.. what would you like to talk about then?" He scooted you closer into him, and his fingers still ghosted over your clothed cunt.

"Uhm.." you let out a breath while your chest continued to move up a little quicker than usual. You didn't know what to do. He had caught on, but he obviously didn't want to stop.

"Maybe we shouldn't talk. Just have some fun..?" He left a sloppy kiss on your neck, and his hands went under your panties and into your folds.

You gasped with surprise, but it quickly turned into breathy moans while his fingers circled your clit.

"Mister..!" You couldn't manage to say his full name but you could get the first part out. But your effort to try and make him stop just made him want to go more.

You liked it. You really like it. It made you squirm in his lap and it just made the bulge in his pants perk up.

But, he finally stopped pulling his fingers from your panties and raising them to his mouth. You didn't know what he was doing, but you heard him swallow something.. so you put the puzzle pieces together.

"How about we continue tomorrow? I'll really get you that help you need." He raised you up out of his lap, closing your notebook and picking it up for you to grab.

You were so caught off guard you just snatched the notebook and began to run up to your belongings. You heard kai chuckle,

"Guess I'll see you tomorrow.."

───────────────────────────────

I don't know shit about universities so sorry if this sounds dumb. Anyway, I didn't know a good scenario for jumping up and down so I kind of had to go off the request. Sorry that it's not exactly like what you wanted but I did try 😪

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forcebookish · 9 months

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another little detail i love about top: he loves taking care of mew and it's how he expresses his love.

i've already talked about how he really only bares his fangs when someone insults him or is otherwise rude/mean. at the birthday party, he just kind of stands there uncomfortably while ray goes on his rants.

he switches to his annoyed bitch face when ray calls him an asshole,

but it's not until ray says,

that top truly gets pissed off and shouts at him. this is actually the first time he's shouted in the whole drama, despite being provoked multiple times. he's been a mean girl, he's raised his voice, he's pushed and punched back, but never yelled.

it's at the accusation that top doesn't take care of mew. this is something that top prides himself in, it's extremely important to him that he takes good care of mew.

(and he's not fucking faking it, you weirdos, it's how he expresses his feelings/love for someone. consistently. there has never even been so much as a hint that this isn't true. he feeds mew the night they are formally introduced and you can see it throughout the series, even before he knew that mew had a "checklist," he helped him at school, on the project, and with his laser tag headband. sure, mew is a bottom, but top has no way of knowing that being taken care of is the role that mew likes to take - this is just how he acts in relationships. if it were fake, he wouldn't have told boston in private that he would take care of him in ep 3. that's another thing that makes all these """"theories"""" that top is faking being a good boyfriend so ludicrous. not only do his actions match his words, they match the words that he says when mew isn't around: i want to date him because he's interesting, i'll take care of him, i still like him. these are the scenes where the writers would have clued us in if top's feelings for mew were fake, and boston wouldn't have been able to manipulate them if they weren't genuine. this is, like, writing 101, guys. there's no reason to hide that shit from the audience for that long. you're not slick, you haven't outsmarted the writers. in fact, you're actively ignoring the story they're actually telling and your misreading of these characters is insulting to the actors.)

similarly, while mew is screaming at him about sleeping with boston, he just takes it; he knows he's hurt mew and he's full of regret and guilt and heartbreak. he doesn't defend himself because he knows it wouldn't help and it would sound like a lie. he chuckles unhappily, because it's the moment he's feared; he knew they were on borrowed time. he feels he deserves it (inb4 if you say something snarky like "he did" i will block you lol boston lied to and coerced him by manipulating his feelings for mew, all after sexually assaulting him... and then assaulted him again after; boston had to be physically shoved away and had to be shamed to finally leave top alone).

it's not until mew suggests that top doesn't love him, that their whole relationship was fake that top "fights back."

look at the way he suddenly snaps up to meet his gaze, eyes wide, and then moves his whole body as if to ask, how could you say that?

his whole body language shifts from submissive and barely moving to active and swaying. he fights back, and it's not to defend what he did, it's to defend his love for him. not only that, it's to defend mew - to defend the way that top sees mew. he can't stand the thought that mew would think that's the way he feels about mew - especially when it's pretty much the opposite of what actually happened.

for mew to think top doesn't love him is intolerable. he can't let him believe that everything he's done for him wasn't genuine, that their whole relationship was a lie - he knows how much that hurts. but after he's told that mew can't believe a word he says, top can't even tell him that he loves him.

what was my point? i guess that top is genuinely loving and caring and it's something that is important to him, and that especially he wants mew to feel his love and like he's being taken care of. plus, his never seeking fights but responding with biting comments that pierce through others' insecurities is one of my favorite character traits of his. it's something that's been shown in every episode, and what makes the few moments where he's unable to fight back at all (see: episode 2 and 3 with boston) all the more shocking and meaningful.

anyway, everyone (especially book) did an amazing job, but force really knocked it out the park this episode. the direction for this series is also exceptional. everyone is putting their all into it, literally embodying these characters.

i love top so much sob

#only friends the series #top tanin #topmew #force jiratchapong #ofs liveblog #my caps #usercassi #mjtag

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thetopichot · 6 months

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•°♧ Seth Fluff Alphabet ♧°•

7/7. I'VE DONE I'M FREE IM FREEEEEEEE RELEASE ME FROM MY CAGEEEEEEEE *rattles the cage of my enclosure*

CW: Suggestive

A = Abundance Of Love (Are they a loud lover that loves to express their love in many ways or are they a quiet lover that loves those quiet intimate moments?)

He is, without a doubt in sight, a loud lover. He's proud to have ya as his partner & he is not afraid to show it. Expect that man to yee his haw everytime he's with you. You make him so happy that I doubt he would contain it.

B = Brave (Were they the first to confess? If so, how did the confession go?)

He was! He was quite nervous to confess to you since he wasn't sure if you liked him back or not. You guys would throw around playful flirts to each other, but he thought it as silly friendly banter between you two & nothing more than that, which made him more nervous about telling how he feels about you.

He loves you, but for some reason, it hurts so much. Ah, situationships. Everyone's worst enemy when it comes to friends to lovers. Now this is the part where I fucking struggle here since Seth, I don't think, doesn't have his own separate storyline besides Bittersweet & I guess that Camping AU (Which is not canon by the way). For the sake of my sanity, I will be using the Bittersweet storyline with some sprinkles of the Camping AU. Capeesh? Good.

Anyway back to business, he takes you to the bar that you guys met for the first time & practically called you a homewrecker in cowboy terms. He still feels bad about that, lol. You notice that he's a lot more nervous & not showing his confidence demeanor. You ask him, "Hey, you good dude?". His smile says yes, but his eyes & hands are saying no. You catch it since the vibes from him were already like off as fuck.

You take him outside & ask him what's wrong then he just fucking breaks & rants how much he just adores you. He tells you that he was scared that he was just imagining things.

"I love you, I mean it."

He wasn't imagining things, however.

C = Control (Do they take the wheel of the relationship or do they let someone else do the driving?)

I think he would flip-flop between the two. He takes care of you & sets up dates for you two. On the other hand, you do the same & you try to protect him from doing stupid shit sometimes like him seeing a shadow & chasing after it, thinking it's probably Mothman.

D = Dreamboat (What do they find attractive in their partner(s)?)

He loves how sweet you are to him. Despite him being a bad boy, which sorta scares people off & also he's a dick time to time, but you still stay by his side regardless of everything. He loves that more than anything.

E = Empathetic (If their partner(s) was in a not so good mood, how would they cheer them up?)

He would make some soup for you if you needed it, or he would cuddle you to make you feel better. He would say the most reassuring things like "You're the strongest person I know, Sugar" or "I will gladly take a break with you if ya want."

F = Forgiving (If they had a fight with their partner(s), how would they apologize? Or would they be petty about it?)

He would be a bit petty at the start, but of course, being petty doesn't solve a damn thing. It just makes things even worse & since it's you, that's worsens the situation even more. So he gathers up the courage to talk about the fight & how he is sorry.

He hates fighting with you. He hates fighting with everyone, but you're not "everyone." You're his Sugar & he will do anything for you.

G = General (Random Fluff Headcanon)

He has a huge collection of cowboy hats. Well, duh, he's a cowboy. However, whenever he puts the hat on you, you look so silly. He likes it when you wear his hats. You look kissable, lol.

H = Home (How would they feel living with their partner(s)?)

YEEEEEEEEHAWWWWW‼️‼️🤠🤠

Bro already got his stuff in his arms. He can do it he's a big muscle boy. This man has been waiting for this moment. He was just too scared to ask though, but living with you is quite a treat. He enjoys every moment & he's gonna make them all count.

I = Idealistic (What's their personal preference in a special someone?)

He likes sweet hearted people, but he also likes it when someone who gives the same energy back in a playful manner. He says a crude joke & you say one back. Just matching eachothers energy is the best thing he could ask from someone.

J = Jealousy (Do they get protective of their partner(s) when someone flirts with them?)

Oh, absolutely. IT'S ON SIGHT, my guy. If someone makes you uncomfortable & disrespects your boundaries, that motherfucker is gonna yee his last haw when Seth catches them. However, if it's in a playful manner, like it's someone you know & if you're comfortable with it, he does get jealous, but he's not gonna make a big fuss about it. He just brings you closer to him. You're his, understand?

K = Key To The Heart (What is something that will make them fall in love instantly?)

Honestly, letting Seth just be Seth. Makes his heart melt into a big country boy puddle.

L = Luxurious (Do they spoil their partner(s) rotten? If they do, how do they spoil them?)

Yeah! :D He's a biker guy, so ya'll already KNOW. He enjoys taking you on rides on his motorcycle a lot. It could be just a short ride around town because it's nice to get some fresh air or just a long calming ride to find a spot for camping. He loves it when you hold on to him like just straight up holding on to him for dear life.

"Don't worry, I got ya. Ain't gonna let a sweet thing like you fall off."

M = Marriage (How would they feel about getting married?)

Marriage makes everyone feel nervous. Regardless if you look forward to it or not. Especially Seth. He does enjoy the idea of calling you his spouse, but he's obviously nervous about it. This is one of the most important things in his life & he doesn't want to like fuck up so bad that everything is set on fire bad. He doesn't want to end up like his mama or his dad. He wants to be better. For you & him. It's even worse that this motherfucker is scared of commitment which adds to his fear even more.

His heart is in the right place, that's for sure. He just wants you to be happy & he wants to be the best partner he can be. You already know that because he is.

N = Nobility (How honest are they to their partner(s)? Do they hide anything?)

Well, he does try to hide his past. He doesn't want you to be involved with the things he did in the past. Besides that, he is pretty honest with you.

O = Overwhelmed (If they were in a not so good mood, how can their partner(s) help them out?)

He doesn't have the energy to deal with what he had to deal with. He just wants to lay down with you & cuddle. It makes him feel a bit better when he just talks about his feelings & what's currently making him stress the fuck out. He also really likes it when you rub his back & just say sweet nothings to him. He just falls asleep automatically & honestly, he's not complaining.

P = Passionate (What is something to them that means a lot to them that only their partner(s) knows about it?)

Cryptids. Spooky creatures that lurk all around the world. He doesn't really talk that much about it since he doesn't really have anyone to talk to about it because when he does, he looks like a lunatic & that one meme where that guy has multiple red yarns connecting to everything. You, however, listen to him rant about it & he talks about it a lot with you. He plans that one day, you guys will finally have proof that Mothman exists.

Q = Quirky (Something silly that they do.)

There was legit one time that you caught him making a huge ass clue board in the garage. This clue board was trying to find the Mothman. You got mad at him since the garage was a complete mess. In the end, you guys found a perfect place to put it. You got him a corkboard to put in your guys bedroom.

R = Romantic (What is their love language?)

Physical Touch. He really loves being cuddled with. He likes back hugs, kisses, your hand on his leg, hugs, you name it. He loves everything about it. He wants to feel you near him. Not only does it protect you & but it also makes him feel very safe. So technically speaking, you're protecting each other.

S = Sublime (What is the best gift that their partner(s) can give them?)

He doesn't really have a gift in mind that is truly the best gift ever. Well it's actually finding Mothman, but he wants to find Mothman himself. He wants to be the first person to find Mothman & laugh in the faces who didn't believe him.

However, the best gift he could ask for is already right in front of him. You. You're willing to put up with his dorky antics & his nature is something that he can not get enough of. You guys are practically unstoppable & he loves that. You treat Seth like Seth. Like he can be himself without hiding underneath a mask. All he could ask is for you to stay with him.

T = Touching (How do they feel about PDA?)

Well, his love language is physical touch. Why wouldn't he like PDA? You gettin' kissies from him all the time, bucko.

U = Undeniable (Did everyone know about their crush on their partner(s)?)

Despite being a massive dork around you, nobody really caught on. Well, you kinda did, but you didn't really think too much of it.

V = Visionary (What do they want their future to look like with their partner(s)?)

Honestly, he isn't sure. He hasn't really thought much about the future. However, there is one thing he wants & that's you. If he could spend time with you for the rest of his life, that's something he is looking forward to. Also getting a big ass dog. He loves dogs.

W = Wacky (General Fluff Headcanon. Again.)

He almost always forgets to take a shower after coming back from work. You get mad at him & you don't let him join you in the bed until he cleans up. He looks at you with those sad puppy dog eyes.

"Sug, please. 🥺"

But as soon as you offer to join him in the shower, he shuts the hell up & he is already in the bathroom waiting for you.

X = Xaroncharoo (Yes, that's a word. Look it up. In a domestic sense, what are they exceptional at in the home?)

Despite being a mechanic, he is pretty good at fixing some things up within the house. He ain't a plummer, but he's pretty good at fixing up the shower. He doesn't really see as anything different from fixing up cars. He just knows what's wrong with it, then boom, good as new.

Y = Yearning (If their partner(s) went out to get something without them/went off to work, how would they feel about it?)

He'll probably get bored without you & watch some analog horrors or those YouTube videos that go into true crime. When you come back, expect to find Seth snoring loudly on the couch.

Z = Zonked (How do they cuddle?)

He likes to hug you from behind as his head is in the crook of your neck. Or you could just hide your face in his boobies. That's an option, too.

☆ミ Author's Notes Underneath 👇 ☆ミ

🩷 - THE CURSE HAS BEEN LIFTED & IM FREEEEEEEE‼️‼️

Anyway, thank you for sticking with me for this writing challenge. This was a PAIN in the ass to do mostly because SO MUCH SHIT happened to me & stuff has been kicking me in the ass but it is done. I'm free & now as a reward for me, I shall be making my well-deserved trophy.

#the cat speaks #yuurivoice #yuurivoice seth #seth yuurivoice #fluffy prompt #fluff alphabet #writing #im freeeeee #RELEASE MEE

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xshybutdeadlyx · 3 months

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Questions for the demiromantic and demisexuals out there

Ok, so I've recently found this term thanks to an aroace character from a show I watched. I knew of the sexuality but I didn't really know the specifics because I always thought I was bi but now looking into it I didn't know how aroace was like a literal umbrella and there was so much more to it then meets the eye. Which I'm 30 I feel like I should know more than what I do. But with doing research into it trying to understand it better, I learned about all the terms, and I learned about demiromantic and demisexual and it really resonated with me. But I wanted to ask for advice, I guess? Like I like romance I love reading it seeing art and what have you but when it comes to romance for myself I'm not a big fan? And maybe it's because I literally have to unlearn so much romance equals a, b, and c when that's not really true. I literally been in only one relationship in my life and it consisted of hand holding small kisses (no tongue, honestly I have an ick with spit and the only reason I "wanted" to do deeper kisses with the boyfriend I had at the time was because I felt like it was a requirement) but I honestly didn't feel attraction towards him until after getting to know him and being friends with him for months well into almost a year. And he's the only one I ever felt that way for I hardly ever had crushes or when I did I almost kinda forced myself into having them if that makes sense? It was "natural," and every kid was supposed to have crushes. Nothing ever came from the "crushes" though.

Now, like I said, I'm well into my 30s, and the relationship I just mentioned was the only relationship romantic wise I've ever had. I have had strong feelings for two of the friends I have but one friend is straight as they come and the other is married lol the one that is married though we have a strong bond that I wouldn't trade anything for. She tickles my hand, and she lets me cuddle her all the time, and we just spend nights just playing games together, just like when we were in high school. I love her so damn much, and I'll cherish what we have even when we are both dead and gone. She is my forever person.

Sorry, I went into a mini rant about my platonic love, but she's the best, and when I start talking about her, I have to gush lol, but anyways back to my sexuality crisis

So anyways, when there is even a chance of someone having an interest in me, I honestly kind of freak out. Or like if someone tries to set me up with someone, red neon flashing warning signs pop up for me. I don't know that person, and honestly, I get put off by big romantic gestures. Like, I appreciate it, but I don't think it's necessary? Can we just go get McDonald's, sit in the parking lot, and just shoot the shit? Play some games? We can watch movies or shows too.

I've also been on the dating websites and such as well, and I'm just always immediately put off. "Hello beautiful," ugh. "Insert pickup line here." please God why. "Unsolicited romantic or sexual advances right after a day of talking." Haha, no. There was literally one guy I thought was cool and we kinda flirted but it was really just talking everyday about the games we were playing I feel like if given time a connection could of been built but he ended up finding someone else immediately. Which honestly was fine I was kinda bummed but like if he wanted romance immediately, I wasn't gonna be giving that to him. I wanted to still be friends, but apparently, we had "too much history," so he ended up blocking me. lol oh well.

I've also literally only have had two "crushes" in like in a 5 year time span (only because this is what I can remember lol) one of em was so goofy and seemed so fun but then it seems like they turned out to be very self absorbed instantly done the other had baby mama drama wasn't into that. Honestly, those things seem to be things that could be worked through? Maybe? But once I just see something off-putting, it's all I see, which seems more like a personal thing because of past traumas.

As of now I'm honestly content with no romantic relationship but I feel like I do want one but I don't want one with just anyone and it just doesn't seem like many people out there are willing to wait or willing to be friends first and want to hop into relationships immediately when I very much don't. It takes me a while to be comfortable with people, and I want to get to know them as a person.

For a long time I felt like I just wasn't doing things right or that I had to actually change something that I was doing. I thought I was wrong or that I should just force myself into the uncomfortable situation of being someone's girlfriend immediately but then if it turns out I just don't have those romantic feelings then there the whole process of hurting them which is just anxiety inducting.

Also, with all that I'm saying, it does go into the demisexual portion, too. I've still never been with someone sexually because even in the one relationship I have had, I haven't met someone I've trusted to give myself to. The thought of one night stands or anything of the like just makes me wanna crawl into myself. I don't mind anything sexual but I want to be with someone sexually that I trust and care about with my whole being, not some dude Craig or some chick Wendy from Tinder. I'm content with that, but a lot of the times, I'm almost made to feel bad because I haven't done anything sexual. But boy, can I read all the smut on Ao3. Like it all in theory, but dunno about in practice lol I just don't have much of a drive in general, but I don't know if that's just because I've never been with anyone before? I keep getting told, "As soon as you're with someone, your sex drive changes," and like, does that shit really happen? Lol

All in all, I really feel connected to the terms demiromantic and demisexual. Even when I just said I'm bi, it just never felt right, but for once, I feel like I finally found something that I felt connected to and finally found me. But I guess I also wanna feel like I'm right in assuming so? I dunno I feel like it'd be disrespectful in using a label that isn't really you? Which doesn't sound right because everyone has the right to find themselves, and sometimes people go through a list until they finally find themselves, which is what's happening to me right now. But my feelings also just get jumbled up and I have a hard time distinguishing what's been conditioned in me, like how you date, you get into a relationship, ya do couple things, then you get married ect. When all I wanna do is get to know you, really know you, then actually date but even then I feel like a lot of my stuff is more on the platonic end? Like, I like cuddling and kissing, and I do like romance but on a more tame level? I kick my feet when reading "he bought her all these extravagant gifts then he swept her off her feet and dipped her into a kiss" so cute but like if I was actually in that situation like bro put me down for real and I'm so awkward when given gifts lol

I dunno I'd just would really like to discuss this with others who have found themselves because I don't really have anyone else to talk to about this. I've talked to my friends and they of course support me and love me but I feel like they don't really get it? And my family just chalks it up to " Ya just don't have a lot of experience it'll all change when ya get out there and mingle with people"

Thanks in advance for reading all this if ya made it this far I know it's a lot of word vomit as I like to call it but I don't have very organized thoughts and I just kinda write what I'm thinking in the moment lol

#aroace #demisexual #demiromantic

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randomnameless · 20 days

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Genuine question, not trying to start a fight, why do you get so upset about gods and churches being presented in a negative light in fictional works?

No pbs!

I guess it's a mix of being too common, too forced and having, in general, the cast use common tropish arguments to fight /defeat them.

I rant a lot about this game, but take TS where we have three sort of factions opposing each other, and each are supposed to suck. Who is the faction who never receives any "positive traits" or "pet the dog" moment?

The game force fed us a scene where an Aesfroti soldier - when Aesfrost is depicted as a highly militarised nation with a cult of personality towards their current ruler, that invaded the protag's home and slaughtered several civilians and NPCs in the process - say goodbye to his wife and kids before going to "war" to defend his land against, well, the protags who are invading it to kill their warmongering leader.

As force-fed as this scene was, it, I believe at least, tried to tell us that even the Aesfrosti who pillaged villages and killed their inhabitants are humans, and care about their loved ones, sure it's corny, but it's all about not deshumanising any party.

When we attack Hyzante? Niet, zilch, nothing. No similar scene where random soldiers, or NPCs, worry about what is going on and if they're going to die when their wall has been breached. They just, don't exist in this context.

I think the cherry on the cake is the Golden Route scene, where, apparently, nationalists Aesfrosti decide to turn back against their ultra charismatic leader because, uh, he "lied" when he declared the war and used a false pretense, so the soldiers and people who were butchering babies and invading a city where people were preparing a marriage apparently now have morals and rebel.

There's no similar scene for Hyzante when the cast reveals that the teachings of their Goddess were made up and salt wasn't exclusively given to them by divine intervention, because rock salt exists everywhere. Sure it would be a bit weird and forced that people thinking they're chosen ones and looking down on everyone else suddenly, hm, don't break down when their entire system of belief is shattered, but hey, if the Aesfrostian Gregor can have morals after washing his hands of all this Glenbrookian blood, why shouldn't religious npc #55 not make the same heel face turn?

And then, we have the slavery/human experimentation plot - in general, when TS tries to give nuance, they more or less explain/justify why something that "sucks" is done, it's basically Silvio's character.

Aesfrost' Gustadolph manages to push his "freedom" mentality because his land is a harsh place where people are desperate to survive, salt smuggling is reprehensible, but it's the only way to give some to the ones who cannot afford it. Of course is everyone is free, no one is because, as Gustadolph puts it, they're basically free to die for his ambitions.

Hyzante? Follows a racist creed where Rozellians have to pay for some great sin, and are slaved away in a lake to recover salt until they die. It's, later, justified by Hyzante wanting to keep its salt monopoly else they don't have anything, and wanting to curb down the Rozelle people because they know about the exitence of rock salt (and I guess getting free workers to harvest salt from the lake + having state enemies make his own population docile/not willing to rebel ?).

And then, we have the human experimentations, that are just done for, uhh, Idore's lol. When Hyzante is known for its "advanced medicine" and we could have had the usual dilemna of, idk, having those humans experimentations used to develop this medicine that is reknown in the world (idk, sacrificing a Rozellian to save someone else's life?) - it's not the angle the devs picked. Rozellians are sacrificed to power up an idol, Idore wants to control the world through his idol and soft power (compared to Gustadolph's hard power) and manipulates his people (just like Gustadolph) to do so.

The two are very similar, but who is the final boss? Complete with a transformation in an eldritch monster? The war-mongering imperialist or the jaded old man who is leading de facto a religion?

Hopefully there's the entire "human experimentations for no other purpose than the lols" to settle them apart.

---

I recently watched Dune, and even if I have some issues with the adaptation, the Bene Gesserit isn't portrayed as "comically" evil-er than the Harkonen Empire, I reckon the comparison isn't adequate, because Dune is multi book series when I'm mostly talking about video games.

Symphonia's church of Martel is a font for the Big Bad (tm) to put in motion his nefarious plans, and yet, through the game, we see how random clergymen use their, uh, religious buildings to help people around. Ultimately Martel herself is reincarnated through plot device and tells the big bad to stop being an ass and the story is less about "church and gods evil" but "big bad distorts Martel/church's teachings and role for his plans because he has a tragic backstory"

(but then Symphonia ends with the biggest whitewashing from every Tales I've played for its big bad so I'll stop talking about it because otherwise I'm going to be salty).

Abyss' church is more or less the same thing - the Church is supposed to help people deal with the fact their verse has "predestination stones" where the future is already written, and in the course of the game, we see how it has several factions and one opposes the group (who has the pope as a NPC!) - but it's not a story about "gods bad church BaD".

I remember playing Suikoden Tierkreis a long time ago, and while the game seemed to go through familiar "church bad gods bad" route and we end with defeating a god-like entity... I pretty much loved the twist that, in a game that relied on alternate dimensions/universe, the god-like entity was actually the protag if he made different choices!

In those games, if you fight a religious body and someone pretending to be a God or what not - it's not because people fight against an eldritch creature who wants world domination and to erase puny insects, or is the reason why everything goes wrong, but because, at the end, the conflict/fight is ultimately caused by someone, generally a human or at least a non "god like" entity, wanting to destroy the world.

I don't remember if FE was my first JRPG series or not, but I always liked the idea that if the world is doomed in those games and the heroes must prevent said doom, it's not because a god-like being wants to destroy the world, but because people, humans/randoms are the most shitty ones out there.

---

As for the "tropes" often used to deride fictional churchs and religious people, well, I will again point to TS - which did a splendid job in the Benedict Route where you smash Hyzante after allying with Aesfrost.

There's one battle where out protags diss Hyzantese because they worship a goddess and have no free will, listening to Her teachings and Her says (the traditional "religious people have no free will and listen to their churches who tell them how to think!") - which is immediately countered by one of those Hyzantese characters asking Serenor if he's not the same, but instead of blindly listening to a Goddess, blindly follows Benedict. And it ends with the final chapter title referencing automatons/puppets : who is that title talking about ? The fake "idol" Idore created, or the fake "king" Benedict created?

Anyways, the usual "religions people have no free will because their church/religion tells them how to think" trope reeks of r/atheism and the double standard - bar in this route of TS, but I guess, in TS itself in the Roland route! - is never called out, blindly following a charismatic leader is okay, as long as charismatic leader isn't religious?

Regardless of my IRL thoughts about religion, usually those tropes are presented as a "gotcha!" when they are... not at all, but the games/books leave it at that and we're supposed to roll with it.

I'd say it's lazy writing or, as we saw in Naruto, a quick way to end a story without having to dwelve in characters and their motivations : "you're a god/alien/other being and you're bad, so let us do what we want!" - end of the story.

Hopefully some fillers and to an extent, Boruto gave her more meat bar being the 11 hour villain we had to defeat quick and who manipulated the previous sad'n'lonely antagonists - but it still felt rich from Naruto, known for his famous "talk no jutsu" and trying to understand people he's fighting against, to drop the ball with Kaguya, calling her pure malice and ending with some "let us live the way we want" to wrap up the plot so he can wrestle with his boyfriend later on.

In the end, we often end up with "religion bad bcs the big bad manipulates people through it", as if those mangas/animes/vg never have other examples of charismatic people not using religion to manipulate their randoms/people or "gods bad they should let humans do what they want" when we've read/seen/played through various, uh, really fucked-up shit humans did - but on their own! and ultimately, but it's more in fandom spaces, with have Projection 101.

TLDR : church/religion/gods are too often used in those works as the ultimate scapegoat to either wrap up a story in a rushed ending or to pretend to have "nuance" but still have a common enemy where all the "nuanced" characters can grow/be whitewashed and side together against that "common enemy".

Just like in all things I guess, I prefer when something isn't painted as purely negative and all of the positive traits are erased because there is a need for a perfect scapegoat - sure, bring out too much "nuance" and writing/designing a game/manga/anime becomes harder because there's no "clear cut" antagonist, and yet, the one who always gets fucked in this scenario is the religious/church side.

Want a generic stock villain who will destroy the world so the heroes have to fight against them? Just create a "religion" in your setting, and have the big bad either hell bent on resurrecting Chtullu to destroy the world because Chtullu BaD, or have them be the most corrupt piece of shit who manipulate everything in the shadows, so the rest of the world, even the ones who slaughter others bcs they feel like they must start a war, can be whitewashed at the end.

I mean, there's a saying about diverting attention from a fire by starting a bigger one near, or a trope of "aliens made them do it" : who cares if Madara started a continental war and targeted a village full of random civilians he swore to protect because he lost the elections? Did y'know he was manipulated by a woman, I mean, an eldritch thing created by a woman, regarded as a God, who ultimately wanted to get out of her fridge to kill everyone?

Roland must get over his hatred for Aesfrost for barging in his kindgom and killing hundred of his people while they were preparing for a wedding, because hey, Idore is evil and plans on ruling the world through his sham religion!

I'll forever be salty at TS for not giving Kamsell the occasion to rise against Idore, or not even have minor NPCs get the same treatment as Sycras suddenly going all "u lied to me gustadolph so i won't listen to u anymore + sad goodbyes to my wife'n'kids".

Extremism of all kinds can lead to wars/tragedy/fucked up shit - Sure I don't want to get my History lessons in video game medium when I play lol, but what I really don't like is how it feels like depicting "they're extremists because they're religious" feels like the default/easy answer : want a bunch of brainwashed people the heroes must fight against and can't talk no justu their way out of this fight/will fight without looking too BaD? Depict those people as "misguided" members of a corrupt church/believers of a religion, no one will givea fig. If they are instead supporters of a charismatic leader who throws them through the meatgrinder to further their goals? Well, there's no automatic loyalty so either you have to show/depict it on screen, else it can be challenged at key points to demonstrate how those people - who follow the charismatic leader - aren't completely "mindlessly listening to their leader" or how their leader "isn't that bad after all".

#idk if it makes sense anon #replies #anon #i'm not tackling the fandom projected takes anon this is another can of worms #I'm not immune to it far from that #Having grown up in a post 2000s world with some people lit being asked how dare they be religious and all #'religion is the only reason why people do those horrible things' dude are you serious? Did you open a book recently?#TS was really mind boggling about the duality between 'regular' imperialism and 'religious' one #and how one faction got way more care than the other to make a clear cut villain #Also blaming everything on Gods/evil cults etc etc imo is often used to remove agency from people X or Y who start shit #That's why I really liked Fe Jugdral #sure we have nutjobs going to say everything BaD happens because of Loptyr #But DiMaggio seducing Aidean? Danan turning Isaach in a giant brothel? Slavery in the Thracian peninsula?#Dragons in this opus are sitting on the sidelines and only itnervening when one of them starts shit #but otherwise? Humans are allowed to be shitty without blaming 'Gods' for behaving like they did #and they receive their due #From the Tales I've played they mostly avoid this general religion BaD #even if iirc it's one of the plot points in Berseria? who would have guessed lol #I guess I'd say I'm not seriously upset whenever a game/manga ends up with 'akshually the religious faction was the big BaD'#it's just the same canned ravioli again and again #but whenever games/manga/anime try to give some grey morality to antagonists #the ones who always are wrecked are the religious/god-like entities #Is there any room for nuance when one faction has no other reason for doing the things they do bar 'for the lols/bcs i was told to?'#fandom woes

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wildpeachfarm · 3 months

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sorry for the long rant in advance, but I'm so fucking done with this situation. "people are picking apart my story's inconsistencies and not his" what inconsistencies? so far there hasn't been a single contradiction in his story, but plenty in yours. "the people siding with him are his friends" i have no idea how tf this is a valid point in any way. guess who are the people siding with her instead? her friends, who have shown distaste for the dream team. she's trying to allege bias, but are we supposed to believe her friends are not biased? ghostie's recount of the story isn't even consistent with caiti's. the whole comment about people finding out who she was vagueing makes me think the coat of anonimity of the person she was accusing made her more inclined to exaggerate parts of her story. that anonymous person can't defend themself, so parts of the story could be omitted or exaggerated. the way she spoke about it in her first stream gave me the impression it was supposed to be another vague, like rue with her "abuse enabler behind the scenes". Like she was just trying to say "this is another reason not to trust this vague circle of evil people that i'm not going to name but everyone knows who it is". like it was supposed to be a cautionary tale or something. but if people figuring out the identity of the person she was accusing really wasn't her intention, she must be like. really naive. it's like she was trying to bring awareness to this "evil person" without facing the reprocussions of making a public accusation. i really don't think she was trying to go for clout or whatever, and i do think her feelings of disgust and sadness were genuine, but they should've been gone over with a therapist by her side. not shared to millions of reactionary people on the internet.

this situation being compared to shelby's case kinda disgusts me tbh

ok two rants with one stone lol

I definitely see these points well tbh and they are good points. I think that everyone's feelings on this will be affected by their own experiences and I thank you both for sharing yours :)

Overall I really think the treatment of Shelby by caiti and those close to her during this whole thing is painful to watch and its a shame that Shelby's story of a traumatic relationship of repeated abuse got overshadowed by this because that doesn't help anyone.

I deeply believe Caiti needs to seek therapy in order to process this stuff without the influence of her shitty friends or twitter in her ear. A lot of deep introspection would do everyone some good imo.

#ask #anon #anti drummyache tag #this is a scheduled post

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stupidsketchpad · 25 days

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hey guys. im here to rant about how 2econd 2ight 2eer (second sight seer) by will wood is secret life bigb's song because god its eerie how similar the song lyrics are to his character. AHEM (also spoilers for secret life)

My grip on my secrets slipping while I'm speaking in tongues

ok. this is a really good start lol. basically bigb's task don't mean much when he does weird shit anyway for fun and, quote from grian, "writes his own tasks"

Screaming at the top of my lungs in the confession booth

he's saying stuff that litterally makes no sense. even after his task is done he wont tell anyone (confession booth is kinda like people asking about your task after it's done. your confessing your task to someone)

Take it with a pillar of salt, H.A.L.T., it's not my fault

i got nothing man

The devil made me do it, but I also kinda wanted to

THIS LINE AHSHDHSHAH. THE SECRET KEEPER GIVES HIM THE TASKS CAUSE HE HAS TO BUT HE WANTS TO DO THEM ANYWAY ANDDDD MAKE THEM AS CONFUSING AS POSSIBLE. SECRET KEEPER COUNTS AS THE DEVIL HERE

I'm cut from a different kind of meat

More than you can chew, hard to swallow me

"what the hell are you doing??" is a common question he gets asked. hard to swallow. y'know

Forget bored stiff, I got rigor mortis, call it morbid curiosity

How I cannot commit to reality, when my third eye's open and I like what I see

he's doing shit for the sake of doing shit.

Baby, I may be crazy but I didn't lose it, no I set it free

AAAAA THIS LINE TOOO!!! ok so he didn't just randomly start lying in secret life. it was weird before that too! i cant speak for double but LIMITED LIFE he was also confusing people about being the boogeyman. basically that one meme with the "guy weird about everything but its drowned out by how weird about everything the other people are"

I can't ignore what's under dance floorboards, the rhythm of my heart a dead-as-disco beat

But I still move my feet

To slip out of this groove, I'm free

dont got much here but i think this is just him having fun, yknow

Now to row, row, row my boat over the falls

And maybe wake up from but a dream, yeah

"but a dream" is the games. there are three rows in the line. lose your lives to get the game over with.

I'm just a psycho, babe

Come and go out my mind

I didn't lose it babe

There wasn't much to find

once again, this wasnt the first time he was being weird!!!

I'm just a psycho, babe

Come and go out my mind

I'm only passing through

say weird shit, refuse to elaborate, leave.

Oh, oh, o-o-oh

If you knew what I knew, if you saw what I see

You'd look through illusions, hallucinations, and lucid dream

And I know that meaning can be such a pretty thing to keep

But I got facts and I'm not afraid to use 'em, take the good with the bad, take off the back you make a new front

evo, anyone? anyway this man knows about watchers and doesnt care. he knows! he just doesn't give that any meaning.

Some days I'm glad that I am a madman and I'd rather be that than

An amicable animal, mild-mannered cannibal

red lives and how bigb doesn't have the same bloodlust as they do. this guy doesn't kill much, he's like the most passive on the server. /srs

But I'm more level-headed and clever than ever and I'm getting better one forever at a time

how many people guessed any of bigb's tasks? that's right, zero! (if i remember correctly.) he's getting better at the games (btw the games being referred to as "forevers" is just ahshahdghs)

And if sick is defined by what's different, well then pull the plug out and let me die

not much here

Vice-versa, vice versus virtue

Well who I am I choose through all the things I do

AAAAAAAA HE CHOOSES HOW HE IS PERCEIVED BY THE OTHERS BY SAYING HIS STUFF YA GET WHAT IM SAYING

And if it rhymes, it's true, but I hate poetry

contradicting himself. easy peasy analysis here folks.

Now with my moral compass pointing south, I'm going down

With no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no respect for reality

could say this is going red! but also. "going down?" LIKE A HOLE? HE MADE A HOLE?????

I'm just a psycho, babe

Come and go out my mind

I didn't lose it babe

There wasn't much to find

I'm just a psycho, babe

Come and go out my mind

I'm only passing through

I'm just a psycho, babe

Come and go out my mind

I didn't lose it babe

There wasn't much to find

I'm just a psycho, babe

Come and go out my mind

same stuff

A tourist passing through

Well that was fun, goodbye

he died. but hey, he had fun!

anyways thats all thank you for listening to me ramble about songs and minecraft i WILL do this again. sorry if this is incoherent i wrote it at 10:00 pm.

psst... moot... @bigb-enthusiast... would you like this?

#life series #trafficblr #secret life #bigbstatz #bigbst4tz2 #secret life bigb #bigb #god why do you have so many tags #stupidsketchrambles

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yonpote · 4 months

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another thing is like... under capitalism, business success and wealth begin to alienate you from others who don't have that. and that alienation can feed into greed, like why not keep investing and making business deals and buying expensive stuff? and no one around is really going to call you out because they are either capitalist hacks or maybe people who once struggled who now rely on you.

so like, I don't inherently expect much from creators like dnp who come into money. even though they probably have more financial freedom than many other creators because of all the tours, books, games, etc (because they are good at business!)

so like, as their fans who ultimately are their consumers, I think it's good to call them out, especially because they have shown before that they have good intentions.

am I expecting much from them? no. wealth can be corrupting and speaking out comes with risk to business/career interests. but they have a special relationship with their audience, as we're mostly all fellow queer and neurodivergent people with similar interests. so we can provide feedback and be the ones to try to ground them and be like "hey that wasn't cool please do better." stopping engagement with them and their content entirely doesn't really do anything to help, unless they did something they needed to absolutely be deplatformed for. stopping engagement is a valid personal choice, but when I see stuff that begins to resemble like 'they aren't being activists right now time for everyone to unstan' I'm like... if that makes you feel better, fine, but I would rather parasocially / affectionately be like "hey I expect more from you!" in a way that is constructive. which is something I would want to do with my friends, but the difference is, if my friends didn't change or try to then I probably would distance myself from them. Whereas Dan and Phil are entertainers we don't now irl, we have a different relationship with them. but compared to many other creators, they really do tend to be more sensitive to their audience (which has helped their success).

but so this time the (mostly leftist) phannies calling them out actually got them to do a fundraiser so that's cool! even if it's because of the backlash like, that's what the point of backlash is! we should want people to change behavior. not to just abstractly punish them, for something they could be unlikely to do without pressure. though hopefully it will lead to less instances of having to pressure them.

idk this brings up interesting stuff about parasocial relationships, the transactions between creators and their audience, and capitalism. so of course I had to rant about it for a sec lol.

thats completely true! thank u for the rant lol but yeah i dont want to come across as being like, NEVER EXPECT ANYTHING FROM YOUR FAV CREATORS it was more like, with dnp specifically we know where their heart is i guess so it can be unnecessary to call for whatever. BUT you're absolutely right in that they probably wouldn't have done a charity stream were it not for pressure from fans. and maybe this is ME being parasocial but i'd like to think that this isn't for damage control or performativism (i mean it is a LITTLE cuz any publicity is a little bit abt looking good) but rather like, putting their money where their mouth is basically! and showing to their core audience like hey we care about this thing too and we fully hear you.

i was thinking about this General concept wrt dnp because i think there have been other moments where dnp were called out about something or criticized for like their more offensive humor and they stopped doing that and educated themselves which is better than most creators who put up fakeass apology videos. ive seen a lot of ppl say they want dan to talk about and apologize for his racist and sexist humor (and honestly only asking dan but not bringing up that phil also had his share of racist jokes) but it's like. at this point what further could he say? he's not a 21 year old shit head anymore (and yeah good for you for being a socially aware 21 y/o in 2024 but that offensive humor literally was just the culture of that time period) and they both have SHOWN that they have grown and even talked about it in like the pinof react video where they talked about "yeah we bullied kristen stewart a lot cuz it was just popular to make fun of her and justin bieber and that really sucks that we did that" like they have changed and shown change! they do not need to make a grand apology statement cuz like if you wanna talk performativism then lets talk about the fakeness of basically every apology video on the internet????

sorry thats unrelated to what u were talking abt but it just made me start thinking BUT YEAH THANK YOU FOR YOUR HOT TAKES!!!!

#myrambles

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marshmallow-biscuit-blog · 11 months

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Disability Pride Month - Narcissism

(red sentences are my particular thoughts/reactions to situations and not verified studies. Yeah, I guess I'ma be frank and let you see I'ma little fucking bitch. Enough with my mask.) Reminder that narcissism isn't a personality trait and that it's a disorder. A true narcissist cannot help it. It doesn't make our behavior okay, but just like a schizophrenic person can't help their delusional behavior, a narcissist can't help that we have an elevated sense of self worth. It's incredibly rude and hurtful to use the word as a quirky personality trait. Use our term correctly. Narcissistic people often seem extremely confident, but in reality we're highly unsure of ourselves and have extremely low self worth and break at the smallest nitpicks. We have a tendency to cling to people in a show off way, but mainly because we like these people and we want to impress them. Because we're trying to be "better" but also because we're so desperate to be good enough for them, that it comes across as being better than thou type of situation. Someone can say something like "I had ___ experience" and we try to one up it. Not just because we want to be better, but because we don't want you to lose interest. It's a fear factor of losing someone we care about because "we're not good enough/interesting enough." because they had a slightly more interesting situation. That leads onto the fear of rejection. If someone dislikes us, unlike most people being able to "oh well, they weren't worth my time anyways" and shrug it off, it becomes an end of the world situation for a narcissistic individual. Why wasn't I good enough? What haven't I done? Why am I not good enough? Just because narcissists are full of themselves and have elevated self worth, that doesn't mean they don't have guilt and shame for things. In fact, for me, guilt and shame takes up a LOT of my mental space and makes me feel the need to be BETTER than others to compensate for it. I find myself going "shit why'd I brag about that in that moment?" And I over react, and the cycle continues. We have a really hard time being vulnerable. We don't like to share our little secrets. We don't want to seem weak or imperfect, and what other way to do that than to say "Oh yeah I was just crying the other day because blah blah blah" no why would we say we were crying? Can't let you know we're crying, that lets you know that we finally broke down over something, and that gives you a chance to break us down more. It's our job to make you feel like you can break down into our arms and why we're your "only safe space" because we're a greedy bastard and we'll be jealous and honestly really hurt for some reason if you have any others. One thing I feel I don't have space to talk about along side other narcissists is emotions since despite being diagnosed with narcissism, I'm highly empathetic towards others and will literally sob over things people tell me even if I don't know what to do, so I'll speak from an entirely research based response here. (Though, my psychologist does say that empathetic narcissists are a thing, and that's what he diagnosed me as, so lol) Anyways, many narcissists have a hard time keeping up relationships because they lack empathy. I'd say that's the only reason I HAVE any decent relationships with anybody, because really, I'm a fucking bitch. I mean, I'd defend you or something, but the first thought through my head would also be "what about me though" Sorry about the long rant, but yeah. Stop misusing the word narcissist/narcissism. We may not be right, but we can't help it either. Best we can do is go the therapy. (also, I'm sure there's plenty of typos, if so I apologize.)

#narcissistic personality disorder #disability pride month #diagnosed narcissist #empathetic narcissist #narcissist #narcissism

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bougiebutchbinch · 5 days

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o ok i just asked bc i always thought ed torturing the crew and traumatizing the crew was more emotional/psychological than physical. like the overworking the crew and running them ragged was sort of a joke abt toxic workplace environments where the joke is that instead of a modern office job their toxic workplace is Being Pirates. like the whole joke abt the first episode where stede is like "piracy is a culture of abuse but what if it weren't like that" and trying to encourage his staff to take care of their mental health, i thought the first episode of s2 was what piracy usually looks like on every other pirate ship that isn't stede's and that's why archie (who never met stede) thinks everything is normal. like the joke to me was that ed was making his employees work overtime for no paycheck and only compensating them with a pizza party, only instead of overtime its 80+ raids in a row and instead of no paycheck it's telling the crew to throw all the treasure overboard and instead of a pizza party it's wedding cake and drugs. and obviously all of this sucks and ed is a terrible boss but during the kraken era he's clearly not worse than ur average pirate captain or else the crew would've mutinied, this crew tried to mutiny against stede and izzy rlly quickly like they’re not gonna put up with a uniquely shitty boss. not that that makes ed's shitty captaining ok but it explains why archie thinks everything is normal and why the rest of the crew is miserable but still doesn't try to like, do anything about it.

and then w making archie and jim fight to the death. i mean i guess that's physical but i thought the real source of trauma there was more on the emotional turmoil of making this new couple fight each other vs the physical violence of just. fighting and getting hurt, which they do every day as part of their job anyway. and then ESPECIALLY i thought the biggest part of the psychological torture is the fact that ed did all of this only bc he wanted them to kill him and then they did, which the show is pretty explicit about. like he wasn't hurting ppl be he was just lashing out angrily, he was hurting them specifically so they would hurt him back. obviously again this does not make any of ed's actions ok but it's a much more complicated motivation i think.

like ig u can read it as "the crew was traumatized be ed was so scary and violent towards them" but i think it's way more interesting to focus on how the crew was scrubbing out an invisible bloodstain like they were lady macbeth. like there's obviously a lot of guilt there! which is crazy be the crew aren't ppl who are usually guilty abt killing pp|-they're pirates, for one, and then jim was rlly proud of killing alfeo. so i always thought abt it like, the guilt of when someone u know commits suicide and ur wondering if there's anything u could've done, but compounded be the crew are the tool ed used to commit suicide. like ed did not leave them a choice and they were 100% justified in killing him in self-defense but clearly they have very complicated feelings abt it or else they wouldn't be so focused on scrubbing out ed's blood from the deck. and they're also justified in their anger towards him be they didn't deserve this, they were all looking forward to doing a talent show w him and then suddenly he snapped and they didn't know why and he overworked them for months and steered them into a storm and put them in a situation where they had no choice but to kill him in self defense.

sorry i didn’t mean to leave this huge rant lol i just rlly love talking abt the crew’s trauma and how bad ed messed them up lol. when u mentioned physical torture i thought maybe there was something i missed and like i guess the physical torture is there, but i don’t think it’s really portrayed as anything more physically violent than what other pirate captains do (like making them eat live crabs) which again does not make it ok but it does explain why archie’s cool with it and nobody tries to mutiny. and like the really dark part of the kraken era to me is in the emotional and psychological torture of ed trying to make the crew kill him. like that's way more fucked up than any of the physical violence ed put them through

This is a very interesting theory!

With that being said, we're splitting hairs. Torture is torture. Psychological, emotional and physical elements overlap. I'm not sure whether arguing that we should focus on the psychological and emotional elements has any worth, when the physical elements are inherently woven into that?

Depriving someone of sleep and forcing them into a constant state of hypervigilance, as well as physically threatening to kill them and making them fight each other to the death.... the lines between psychological and physical torture are blurred, but I really don't think they matter all that much? There is a psychological, emotional, and physical element to all of these actions that Ed took against his crew? I'm not quite sure what you think the worth is in these specific categorisations.

Also, while I like your interpretation of the crew 'scrubbing out an invisible bloodstain like they were lady macbeth' (and absolutely think there's some merit to it!) I also think you need some nuance in there.

Focusing wholly on that kinda..... ignores the fact that they clearly were shown to be traumatised? Like that's not just my interpretation? That's canon! We see their hypervigilance and freaking out over tiny things - even if it's played for laughs. We see the way they cling together and form a tight-knit little group, and if we include Lucius in this, they struggle to reintegrate with 'Stede's' crew specifically because of the trauma that Ed caused them.

As for Ed 'just acting like a normal pirate captain'... Hm. There are some definite issues in your interpretation, as far as I see it.

Fang's reaction acts as a litmus test there. Ed previously threatened Fang with knives for fun and forced him to kill his dog. But Fang's constant crying and horror at Ed's actions during the Kraken era really suggests to me that during this time frame, he went far beyond the 'norm'?

If 'the joke is that instead of a modern office job their toxic workplace is Being Pirates', then why, in S1 was Izzy so upset about the possibility of Ed getting the lot of them killed? When we meet them again in S2, the majority of the crew have been killed, specifically because of Ed's actions, including Ivan. If this was 'the norm', piracy would be laughably inefficient to the point of being entirely non-functional! This, plus Izzy's earlier reaction to the threat of Ed getting all of them killed shows this really isn't 'normal' in my opinion.

Again, I think it really helps to divide this argument into 'are we looking at the characters as characters, or are we looking at them as people?' I can see that the writers introduced Archie and her horrific traumas with other captains, and therefore her acceptance of Ed, to try and downplay his fun atrocities. But I don't think that was enough. I just don't think it worked as well as they wanted it to! If it was enough for you, that's great, but I think there are enough discrepancies between the hints we get of how Ed acted pre-S1 and how he acted in S2 that I just don't see your vision here, sorry.

A lot of the arguing on this subject comes down to 'Izzy was the real bad guy!' 'no, Ed was the real bad guy!' and I'm glad you're not dipping your toes in that. But I will say, just to nip any of this in the bud, as I've seen this argument play out way too many times.... If people are going to say that everything Ed does was within the bounds of 'normal' piracy, and thus Not A Big Deal, the same goes for how Izzy spoke to Ed during S1! You can't damn one and praise the other!

With all of that being said.... I freaking love your entire thought process about the 'Lady Macbeth' thing. Being used as a tool in someone else's suicide is fucking horrific, psychologically speaking - especially when it was someone you genuinely liked, before he started in on the abuse! There's such a complex clash there between feeling genuine pity and empathy for someone who's going through a horrific time, and rightful hurt and anger that they would force you to be the one to kill them. I would love to see more fics that dig into that aspect of the crew's relationship with Ed!

#ofmd #our flag means death

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frikatilhi · 4 months

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Re: Bojan's tone with the Käärijä question, I was also kinda caught off guard by it. I first saw the interaction only in a text post which didn't convey the tone, but I just saw the video. I'm sure he is not annoyed by Jere (considering that he just a few days ago posted about the Emma gaala and everything), but I was still a bit taken aback (but I'm also an anxious bojere bitch so it might just be me). Hopefully everything is okay. It's not the first time he's been a bit annoyed by the constant Käärijä related questions, of course, it's just that lately he has seemed more fine with them (like you said, in that recent podcast, for example) and even bringing up Jere himself, even when he didn't have to. So yeah, the sudden annoyance seemed to kinda come out of nowhere.

And one thing I've kinda been silently side-eyeing is the way Bojan and the other JO boys have publicly congratulated Jere for the new single and now for the Emma wins. And Jere has said nothing about their new single. I mean, he is obviously not obligated to do so, and I guess he mostly uses his social media to promote his work and other personal shenanigans (as he should). Because unlike the boys, who have their personal accounts as well as the band's official account for just the band promo, he just the one account for everything. Still, I was a bit surprised he didn't acknowledge it at all. (But of course, may have done so privately.) And actually, did he acknowledge SSOL either? The whole Nordic Tour is a complete blur to me lol.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. I'm just overthinking everything as usual. And needed to say it "out loud" to someone. So thank you for "listening", I guess. 😅🩷

Hey, it's okay to vent!

But I wouldn't read too deeply into it, he probably didn't mean much by it? He wasn't his happiest self since he is sick, and honestly it doesn't sound annoyed to me?

And I didn't think it was weird at all that Jere didn't post about EW, I don't think he uses IG that way nowadays, it's just for promoting his own stuff. I don't think we should put too much stock on what we see publicly anyway, it's only a very small part of their relationship and can be totally random. I enjoy it when they acknoledge each other, but it's not the be all end all of their thing.

#ask #he did promote them a lot during the Nordic Tour so there was that #also last weekend he was a bit busy heh #I wouldn't worry about it #wow anons truly are anxious today #happy to be your shoulder

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pcptpf · 9 months

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A small rant as a religiously traumatized individual regarding Good Omens

TW: Talks of religion, trauma, manipulation, all that good stuff I guess

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So I honestly just finished good omens s2 a couple days ago. And obviously the brain rot set in. I'm so in love with all of the characters and think they're just lovely. There is one thing that bothers me though and it's the reaction of Aziraphel's exit of this season.

I see a lot of people being pissed at him and rightfully so they've been a dick but Aziraphels also a very very traumatized angel.

We got tidbits of the abuse they endured by the hands of many of the angels. With the nice touch of being told to "shut up and die" by someone he looked up to. This was of course witnessed by Crowley who I think realized in that moment just how bad it's been for their angel up in heaven.

Now onto the trauma bits. I have my own personal experiences with religion and it's not great. I was born into a religion and was forced all my life to serve in it. Told I didn't have a choice and shouldn't want anything else. I was told that as long as I lived under my parents roof I had no choice but to serve.

I wasn't allowed to have outside friends and definitely not hang out with them. I wasn't allowed to be seen with certain people as it would spoil my family's reputation. I was told that eventually all my wordly friends would die so I shouldn't get too attached to them.

So when I saw this very deeply traumatized angel I was like lol me too. One thing about religious trauma and trauma in general is that it never leaves you. When someone spends years and years telling you that you're nothing without the religion. The only people who truly love you are here. They don't give a shit about you but we do. They're all just going to be destroyed one day. They're not good people. It kinda gets set inside of you embedded in you if you will.

So no matter what Aziraphel is going to think this about himself. I've only experienced this for 18 years as Aziraphel has had this happening to him for much much longer. He has been beat down and told to stay there as it's the only thing they should be doing.

Let's talk the authority problems too. If you notice in the scene where Gabriel and Beelzebub are running away together and talking about their love Aziraphel looks so excited. They grab Crowley's shoulder as in saying"that could be us." This is all absolutely shattered the moment metatron opens that door. Everything Aziraphel might've been thinking about fell away the moment he saw the one person he's been looking to be seen by for his entire existence.

Aziraphel spent so long being beat down and oh god here comes fucking Metatron with his stupid coffee. Metatron told Aziraphel everything he knew he wanted to hear. Told Aziraphel everything they wanted to hear. That they were the perfect angel for the job and oh he even thought of them immediately.

The straw that broke the camels back was Metatron telling Azi that they could bring Crowley along. To Azi this was astronomical. They were told for so long (as toxic religious people often say) "stay away from Crowley she's a demon" "demons are horrible nasty people they're awful" and for Metatron the direct messenger to God to be telling Azi he could bring his favorite person to heaven. This was their breaking point.

Also the subtle jabs at Gabriel that were thrown in there too just to spice it up a bit. Metatron knew exactly what he needed to say to get into Aziraphels mind.

Crowley knew the extent of what would happen to Aziraphel and they were terrified for them. But Aziraphel was so sure that ohh yes they've done awful things but now they're changing I mean look Gabriel is leaving so everything can change between us too.

Aziraphel is seeing it as "oh it's finally changing I don't have to choose anymore we can be together and be angels we dont have to pick sides anymore because this side is welcoming us with open arms” when in reality they're not.

To others it may seem like an obvious decision “oh they’ve been so horrible to him” “they’re such toxic people why would Aziraphel want to be with them” but this isn’t how Aziraphel sees it at all. It is so hard to walk away from something after you’ve been told for so long that if you walk away you’re a horrible person and you’re losing everything. Aziraphels choices were always either “Choose Crowley and be an outcast or choose us and be up in heaven and be “good” and “faithful”” and for those choices to be combined into one is all Aziraphel ever wanted. It’s not an obvious choice to him it’s the only choice he thinks will keep him from losing everything that ever actually mattered.

#good omens #aziraphel #crowley #good omemes #tw religious themes #personal rant #rant post #gay #good onens #ineffable lovers #ineffable partners #ineffable fandom

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merrymakes · 7 months

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I guess we're calling this a project lol

Details Rant under the cut:

This was not going to be a project piece lol.

This was going to be a practice piece to learn how the hell circles work cause I want to make something for my friend for Christmas.

Instead I struggled my ass off (magic circles are hell omg) and managed to make a cute little 3 round circle.

Theoretically, it's just a simple little 9 stitch/round circle. But omg this was hell to make 🙃😭

It started at the beginning. The magic circle. Omg I hate it.

Making it's ok.. putting stitches in it? Absolute nightmare. It just wants to move and wiggle, and the damn thing just wants to grow and eat up the end of your yarn! And the stitches keep curling around it?? Idk how that even happens!!

And omg!! How the hell do the people making these tutorials make everything look so nice? And so neat? And so loose?? By the time I was done with the first bit I was about ready to strangle the damn thing to keep it in place! And they're making it look just insanely easy!

Whatever.

It's fine.

After the magic circle things went alright. The second round wasn't too much trouble. Things were a bit tight. And figuring out how to start and finish the round was a bit rough. But I made it work.

The third round though? That drove me insane.

To start with, apparently you only add the same amount to each row instead of like doubling it each time or something (which sounds dumb now that I'm saying it out loud) so you had to keep in mind a 1sc 2sc (per like, idk, stitch) pattern as I went along which wasn't too bad. Just obnoxious. It just really stank cause everything was even tighter than it was before!! Which made it so easy to lose my place 🙃.

But I made it to the end. I finished the round. (Oh and by the way? Top tip. Keep note of where the start is. Things look really similar) And so now the hardest part. Actually completing the damn round. It wasn't too hard to find the stitch I needed to go into. But it was murder trying to get into it. It took me like 5 min trying to get into it. And then getting back out was an adventure in and of itself!

But I pulled it off. And decided I fought too hard to just take the damn thing apart so now we're keeping it :)

Takeaways? Try like hell to keep things loose. And circles are hell <3

#my art #crochet #crochetblr #crafts #handmade #circle

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livwritesfics · 9 months

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𝐋𝐚𝐰 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐧𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞

A/n: I've been working on this off and on for months. I hope this is good! I kinda had a brain rot at the end but I hope this is okay! I'll be opening requests again when I'm on Christmas break in December so feel free to go spam that lol. Enjoy!

When Nadine was 16, they were on an island and she got a date. Not only was a boy taking his daughter out, but their date was on a Friday. That was cutting into their daddy and daughter time where they read the Sora comics. That was their Friday night thing!

"I forbid from going out on that date! You're too young to be dating!" Law yelled, walking behind her.

"So what?! You probably done worse things at my age than me!" Nadine argued back, turning around to face him.

Law had to think about that for a minute. "Yeah, well... I didn't have anyone to look after me Nadine." He quieted his voice down. "I want to take care of you. I don't trust you going out with any boys. I know what they're like, I was at that age before." He walked closer to his daughter. He put a hand on her shoulder.

Nadine glared at him before shrugging him off violently. "You never let me do anything for myself! You don't trust me!" she hollered at him. "That's not what I'm saying!". They began yelling again until Nadine had enough. She turned around and went to her room.

"Trafalgar D. Water Nadine! We are not done with this conversation!"

"Well I am Law!" She slammed the door in his face leaving him shocked.

"We don't slam doors in this sub young lady. Open the door this instant!" he demanded in a low voice after taking a deep breath.

"NO! You can't make me Law!" Nadine shouted from the inside of her room.

Penguin, Shachi, and Bepo were watching this all go down and they finally told him to calm down.

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"I don't know what to do with her. I just don't know!" He ranted with a drink in his hand.

They were sitting around a fire. It was Bepo's idea to do camping again. It was fun for the crew. They tried to do it yearly. Because of the alliance with the Strawhats, they were camping with them.

"Law, she's sixteen, you can't keep babying her forever." Penguin stated, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Boys at that age... I don't trust them. Plus-"

"Law, she can't spend every Friday for the rest of her life reading comics with you. She's a teen, let her go out and learn." It was Bepo this time. Law was surprised as Bepo never tells Law what to do.

"I guess you're right." He sighed softly, looking down. His daughter wasn't little anymore.

He was at her bedroom door before he knew it. Knock, knock, knock. He knocked on her door. She answered, cocking an eyebrow annoyed at the sight of him.

"You can go." He said. He didn't know what to feel at this point. Mad, sad, happy?

"Are you kidding? This isn't a joke right?" Nadine asked trying not to give her hopes up.

Law shook his head and Nadine hugged him tightly. "Yes! Yes! I can go!"

"You better be back by eight pm though. I'll 'shambles' him if he's a minute late with you. No kissing, no sex, no touching of anything. It's okay to say 'no' too."

"Dad stop! Ew!"

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Nadine was on the edge of her seat waiting for him. She couldn't wait! She was with everyone at the campfire. It was around six pm.

"Now you know the rules okay? First, no kissing. Second, three foot rule. Third, no touching of any kind. None of that. And he better have you back by eight." Law spouted to her.

"Dad-"

"Oh and also, here! If he starts touching you in a way you don't like you push this button." Law instructed her on how to use the taser.

"Stop. Okay, goodness and put that away."

Everyone was watching these interactions trying to stifle laughter. It was amusing to see Law care too much.

Finally, the date came. Law stood up to greet him, ignoring Nadine's protests.

"You must be the lucky guy." Law greeted coldly. He held out a hand.

The guy took it. "Lucky? I don't know. Definitely looks it." He smirked.

Nadine, being too naive, didn't get what he meant and took it positively while everyone else grimaced and glared.

"Have her back by eight or else." Law disregarded the comment.

"Sure, sure."

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Fast forward to eight, Nadine walked back to where her dad was by herself. She was crying silently. Her dad was right. He was so right. Boys are stupid. Boys are gross.

And this boy tried doing something yucky to her.

She looked up and saw her dad and her crew and the Strawhats. She walked over keeping her head down.

Law picked up that someone was coming and turned to look. "Deenie! You're back!"

Nadine didn't say anything for a minute but then she whispered, "I'm sorry."

Law opened his arms.

"Dad, I'm too old to sit on your lap!" She exclaimed embarrassed.

"Are you kidding? You're never too old to sit on my lap!"

She sat on his lap and buried her head into his neck. "I'm sorry, you were right." Her voice cracked. "You were right about boys all along."

Law held her and rubbed circles on her back. "Yeah? He didn't even walk you here? They don't raise these boys to be gentlemen anymore, huh Peng?"

Penguin just shook his head as he saw his niece crying. The talking quieted down and Law was rubbing his daughter's back.

"What happened?" he asked her soft but sternly. He was so going to kill this boy once he found out what happened.

Nadine raised her glance to look at her father. "We were sitting down and eating. He took me to a nice place. That went well. But as we were walking there and while we were eating he would look at me but not at my face. You know? Then on the walk home he touched my a$$ and... I kicked him and ran away from him." she said disappointedly.

Law was very angry at this boy that took her out. But, he did like the part where she kicked him. Definitely like her mother.

Law chuckled at the end. "You take after your mother!" he quieted down after a little bit and looked down at his beautiful creation. "I'm proud of you. I'm sorry he wasn't the right one. But you'll find one soon enough."

Nadine wiped her tears, "Thanks dad."

They stayed in silence for a bit until Law looked down at her and said, "You look just like your mother. She was really beautiful, you know that?"

Nadine loved to hear stories of her mother. When she was little she constantly asked what she was like and for stories of her.

"Yeah, you told me. You said she was the love of your life."

"She was. Soon you'll find the love of your life too."

"I love you dad."

"And I love you."

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