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deanswins · 1 year

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Alina and her cat Darkles

One fateful morning, Alina laid on her bed and scrolled through her phone, watching random cat videos on the internet, because she loved cats, when the sudden realization dawned upon her that she can adopt her own cat.

She had wanted a pet since she was ten years old, but her foster parents had a weird allergy to cats and she never really felt the same about others, so she had promised herself that once she would have her own home, she would get one. Yet, she had been completely immersed in building a life for herself that she had forgotten about it completely.

Since it was Sunday, her day off, she decided that she would visit her nearest animal shelter on her way back from her weekly grocery shopping trip. Her stomach flipped with excitement as soon as she stood up from her bed with a loud yawn, feeling jaunty. This will be something she would do for herself, something she would take care of. Her own possession.

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She could have went grocery shopping every start of the month, but she was not organized like that nor did she know how to calculate how much of things she would need. Weekly was safe, and in case she ran out of something in the middle of it, she could easily run to the small store below her apartment complex.

During today’s trip, Alina purchased everything a cat would need. She found affordable cans of food, a bag of treats, and other kinds of liquid-like items. Since she hadn’t met the cat she would be taking home, she naturally bought a variety of everything. She didn’t often splurge, but today called for a special occasion. She just hoped that the cat would love everything, so her money wouldn’t go to waste. Otherwise though, she made a note to ask the people in shelter if she can donate it to them.

As a child of ten, she had dreams of holding the cat in her lap, of sleeping beside it, of showing it off to her then newly made friend, Genya, because she had a cat named David. She would lay in her bed and would dream of cuddling it close to her chest, and just rubbing her hands atop it's head. It may sound weird and obsessive to some, but Alina had deep love for cats. If she couldn't adopt, she always fed any stray ones she found on the streets of Keramzin.

Her foster mother, Ana Kuya, would reassure her constantly that she could always have what she wanted when she would be an adult, and also, because she deserved good things for her. Life had not been fair to her.

She stopped outside the pet shelter named Little Palace. Alina found the name kind of funny but adorable for the little pets it kept. Right across the shelter was the animal pet shop named Grand Palace. It was the ugliest shop she had ever laid eyes on, the bright royal blue color of the signboard hurt her eyes extra under the morning sunlight. The pet shop liked to steal customers from the Little Palace, this she knew because her friend Ruby volunteered in the shelter when they were in college. They would bribe the people with all the varieties of newly imported animal breeds, their accessories received from Ketterdam, and special made small fur coats from Fjerda they had in their store.

Alina despised the shop from the bottom of her heart.

She parked her vehicle outside the shelter and exited the car, locking it behind her. There was an extra bounce in her step today because she was going to get herself a friend for life. She just hoped and prayed to the saints that the cat would be everything she dreamed about.

There was an elderly woman standing by the desk, her hair jet black and eyes haunted. Alina jumped at the hollowness within them. It was as if her soul was empty. She shivered at the thought of such people who show no emotions or feelings. How bland and dull their life was. Alina put aside her personal thoughts about the woman and greeted her with a bright smile. After all, she was the epitome of sunlight. It's what her boyfriend, Mal, often told her.

"May I assist you?" The woman asked, still emotionless. She didn't even bother returning Alina's smile. Her name tag read: Baghra.

Alina's smile didn't falter, but remained on her lips albeit slightly smaller now that her action was not reciprocated. She didn't like judging others based on their exterior, so she didn't really take Baghra's lack of smile to the heart.

"I am looking to adopt a cat," she shifted from one leg to another. Alina had no specific preferences, but that the animal to be unbearably cute. Of course, she would like for the cat to be healthy and in excellent shape, but it wasn't a top priority. Any cat that would capture her heart would be it.

"Do you have any specific breed in mind?" asked Baghra, her voice still monotonous as though she was a machine. Alina realized that these were the questions she probably repeated a hundred times a day, or as many times a customer came in looking for animals.

"Not really, I'd just like to see them." replied Alina, hoping to sound as normal as possible without letting any giddiness show. For some reason, Alina believed that this woman wouldn't really care for her positive attitude and sunshine personality.

"Follow me."

Alina walked behind the woman, who was approximately three inches shorter than her, and noticed how elegantly she walked. Her black skirt ended just above her ankles while her cardigan was long enough to end just above her knees. Alina didn't know why was she analyzing this woman, but there was something gripping about her. As though she's seen more than anyone else, lived more lives than anyone else, and has been through more than enough.

"Since you don't have any breed you are looking for, I will show you the recent ones we received," she waved at the cages on her left, that were full of mostly kittens and a few full grown cats. "Majority of them are babies of the cats who live here for a while, and some are newly rescued ones. They are all in perfect shapes, good health and active."

Alina watched in fascination as some cats stared back at her with equal curiosity, some were curled into a ball and asleep, some were having a feast while others just laid lazily in their spots. This is heaven, she thought, this is what it is like to be in heaven. She observed them all, hoping for that tick in her heart that would tell her that this is the one she should adopt, but her eyes were simply scanning.

"Here," continued Baghra, leading her to the other side when Alina was simply watching the cats, rubbing their little paws with the pad of her index finger, and just talking gibberish. "These are some of the cats we have had for months, still waiting to find a home. They all are very well behaved, but probably less attractive to customers than kittens. As you can see..."

Baghra's voice became background noise and out of focus when Alina's eyes met the grey quartz ones of a very black cat who was staring back at her. Her heart skipped a fucking beat. She almost jumped toward the cage as she watched it closely, her mouth turning upwards in recognition, is this the one?

"Ah, this one we have had for almost seven months now, the longest we have had to keep a cat." The tone of her voice changed, and Alina wondered why as she brought a finger for the black cat to smell and inspect.

"How come?"

"Well, he doesn't take to people right away."

Alina wondered how was that possible by the way the cat was sniffing her fingers, and was now licking her with his little pink tongue. His eyes were large and curious, and it was though he liked her. She offered him a grin of her own, letting him know that she felt the same way.

"Can I try?"

It seemed that Baghra understood what she meant, because she took out a tangle if keys and picked one and unlocked the small door to the cage and backed away, slowly. Alina didn't make a move, but she let the cat come out on his own accord. There was a step and two, and Alina, unable to wait longer, pulled him in her arms. There was a small 'meow' as he snuggled further into her chest. She giggled.

"That's a first." Baghra nodded toward the cat, her voice a little thick. "Well, you have to be careful with that one. He likes to bite sometimes, playfully and intentionally."

Alina shrugged, so far he was perfectly content and happy snuggled up. She petted his head as she trained her eyes on him and his little movements. Like the way his small paws rested on her arm, or the way his head was affectionately rubbing up and down her shirt.

"Does he have a name?"

Baghra cleared her throat. "Yes, Darkling. A younger co-worker of mine named him when he was brought here months ago. I think she would be deeply sad to see him go as we have gotten used to having him around."

Alina smiled in understanding, she caressed his head once more. "How was he found?"

"He was bleeding by the side of the road," she cleared her throat, as if to get rid of a lump. "A bunch of young troublesome children had kicked him to almost death. Thankfully, someone found him and took him to the vet then was brought here. He was in a terrible, terrible shape, his left eye was half shut, his arm was broken, his legs were trembling for days, he-" she cleared her throat again. "He was scared of us for a while. It took him a long time to get used to the idea that we won't be treating him the same as those idiots."

Alina felt her heart break for this little cat, even though he was no longer in that pain. But Alina knew trauma and she knew animals had them too. No wonder he didn't like people. Instantly, she felt special because he had trusted her enough to even allow himself to be held. She caressed him behind the ear.

"And now? Is he in good shape?"

"In excellent health as well. The vet had patched him up real well, informed us how to take care of him and feed him. After two months, tops, he was back to his original form." Baghra then opened her mouth and then closed it. Then she stepped forward and reached a hand to behind his ear, Darkling leaned into her touch. "He may not show it, but he is very sensitive, and observant of course, he also likes a lot of attention and cuddles. Just...be there for him."

Alina squeezed the bundle in her arms gently and finally, unable to resist, she placed a soft kiss on his forehead. "I will, I promise."

After she finished inquiring more about the cat, his habits and routine, Alina finally left the shelter with her new pet in her arms. Even though the excitement was there, it was dwindled a bit with the new fear that would she be enough for him? Would he miss having other cats around him to look at? Or his regular caretakers since the past few months?

Alina found solace in the fact that he did not make a fuss when they left, nor did he look longingly back at Baghra, but was very happy to be going home with her.

She promised herself that it will all be alright, watching him find a comfortable spot in her passenger seat and looking up at her, the same curiosity evident in his shimmering grey eyes.

She decided to lovingly call him Darkles.

ii.

Darkles was not fond of Mal. In fact, 'not fond' was a minimal choice of word. Darkles hated Mal with all his might.

Alina tried to ponder upon what exactly rubbed him wrong about her boyfriend, but then she realized that Mal had been tentative toward him upon their first meeting.

After she had returned home from the shelter, she already had plans to meet him in the afternoon anyway. She arranged little Darkles corner, put away his food inside a designated cabinet for him, and put his liter aside as well. Darkels spent an entire hour exploring the corners of her studio apartment, along with her bathroom. He seemed to purr almost right after the end of his tour, which conveyed to Alina that he was extremely happy to be here with her. She kissed his little nose and he booped hers in return.

Alina wondered if Baghra was wrong about him. He was the most affectionate cat she had ever come across. But despite being that, he was somber and calm. He wasn't playful in the sense that he didn't wreck havoc, but would gently run around and toss around the floor.

When Mal had entered the apartment, he was wearing a large grin as he held a box of pastries from the bakery next to his house. However, his smile dropped a little when he noticed the black fur ball in her arms, his eyebrows raised in question.

"Where did this come from?"

Alina felt annoyed right that instant. He spoke of him as though Darkles was an object, a thing she found in the middle of nowhere. Yet, she told herself that Mal was rarely ever in the presence of animals, he didn't feel the same way about them as she did. Mal liked looking at animals, mostly wild ones, at the zoo or in the television, but he didn't have instincts for a pet. Despite all of that, she had hoped that he would be at least a little thrilled for her as he knew her desire for wanting to adopt a cat as a child.

When Mal put down the box on the dining table and took off his shoes, he stepped forward to pet Darkles. His hand raised hesitantly, as if unsure and scared, but before he could move, Darkles attacked his hand with a paw of his own. Alina had asked Baghra and had confirmed that his nails were cut, but it seemed like he had hidden claws as Mal's back of the hand started bleeding where the scratches were. Alina had put down her cat and petted him a little, cooing at him and hurried to get alcohol swab for Mal.

When she returned, he seemed a bit angry, but wouldn't say a word. After she insisted that he just tell her what was wrong, he instantly exploded.

"I just can't believe that you would pet him after he hurt me like that," he seethed, his voice a tone louder than usual. "It's just embarrassing to me, is all."

Alina was taken aback, she had finished wiping his wound and had thrown away the swab in the bin when she finally found her voice. "He is just a cat, Mal. It's normal for animals to not get accustomed to others immediately, they tend to see others as threats. He has been through a lot and maybe he doesn't like being touched right away. He needs time to adjust, seeing as I just got him today."

She continued, "as for petting him, he is an animal without a voice. He doesn't have the intellect you and I do, so be mindful of what you say. He will try to defend himself when he feels that he is in trouble. It's common sense."

Of course, she did not expect such understanding of animal mind from Mal, as bis day to day job demands that he use his brain to type out numbers and add and subtract them. Alina hated math, and she despised accounting even more. Ironically, Mal excelled in both while in school and college.

She noticed his jaw click, clench and unclench, then he sighed, a short nod. "You're right, I-it was very stupid of me to over react like that."

Alina loved Mal for many reasons, but this one was a reminder that he always accepted his mistakes and apologized for them. His tenderness was what made her fall for him in the first place. She walked up to him, noticing Darkles watching them silently from the corner, she placed the bandages on his wounds and let his hands rest above hers as she moved forward and pecked the corner of his lips.

"Would you like some tea-" She found herself being tangled with a black ball and had almost fallen on the floor if it weren't for Mal steadying her. She looked down to find her cat meowing at her with no pause or breath.

She had suspected he was hungry so she poured some of the biscuits she bought in a bowl and placed it on the floor, but Darkles remained in his position, glaring discreetly at Mal.

Though he eventually learned to get used to the idea of having a cat around, and while Darkles accepted grudgingly that this human was not going anywhere, it didn't stop things from going bad.

After they both had lunch, and were busy making out, stripping and finding their way to the bed, they both felt eyes on them. Mal voiced that he felt uncomfortable under the excruciating stare and suggested they lock the cat in the bathroom, but Alina refused. Locking Darkles anywhere on his first night with her would ruin their trust and friendship, she was not going to risk it just so Mal can hit. Instead, she pulled the covers over them and hid their naked bodies from her new pet.

As soon as Mal was about to enter her, the cat had jumped up and scratched Mal on the back of his head, making him cry out in pain. Alina grabbed Darkles and pulled him toward her, his little body shaking and vibrating with possible anger as he kept on growling.

"What is that monster?!" Mal snapped, his eyebrows knotted in fury as he pulled back his pants along with his shirt.

Alina felt her blood boil at the insult Mal chose to call her cat and her protective instinct, clutching him close to her and almost hiding him behind her body. She put him down long enough to put on some pieces of clothes herself.

"Do not call him that," her voice raised. "He is an innocent little cat. He doesn't know what is happening around him, it's his first time here, around a couple. He doesn't know whether you're attacking me or not. He is just being protective."

Mal fumed, running a hand down his face. "I don't understand why would you even bother to get him, Alina. Animals are physically taxing, they tire you out. Besides, are you not supposed to bring anyone in your home now because your cat might find them a threat?"

"I don't know what is more annoying, my inability to understand what you are trying to say or the fact that you don't remember my desire to have a pet of my own since a decade and more!"

Mal clenched his jaw, then unclenched. "If you wanted a pet, might as well have gotten a goldfish. Then at the least, I wouldn't have to worry about some animal jumping me when I am trying to fuck you. I mean, what exactly is your cat implying here? That I can't shag my own girlfriend?"

Alina opened and closed her mouth several times before she took a deep, calming breath. It wasn't that she was rendered speechless because Mal was right, but she was suppressing the curses and anger flowing through her and was trying to prevent any damage to be done. She loved Mal and didn't want to say anything that would consequently hurt both of them.

But sometimes, Mal acted like a conceited bastard.

"I think you should leave," she said, her voice calm and cool like ice. "There is no point in arguing right now. I just need time alone to deal with this and help Darkles adjust."

It looked like that he was about to retort an answer but thought better of it. He nodded, his lips turning into a thin line and hesitantly walked up to her to kiss her temple. Darkles twisted in her arms.

"Call me later?"

Alina gulped and nodded curtly, not bothering to use her voice. She wasn't going to call him today that was for sure, but she didn't want to have another argument.

As soon as Mal left, she noticed a visible relaxation engulf her cat. She raised an eyebrow at him, but he snuggled closer, as if finally found eternal peace.

Mal's prediction about her cat having trouble with the rest of her friends had turned out to be false. When her best friend, Genya, visited them to meet the new member of Alina's family of two, Darkles took instant liking to her and rubbed his head against her palm. Zoya, another friend of theirs, joined them an hour later, and though Darkles was indifferent to her, but he didn't try to kill her.

Alina assumed that maybe he found other males threatening until her college friend, Nikolai, visited them a week later after his return from Os Kervo. After silently studying him for a long time, his eyes traveling from Alina to Nikolai repeatedly, he cautiously moved toward Nikolai and let him be picked up. He placed is head softly against his shoulder, then ended up nuzzling the crook of his neck.

Alina felt slightly jealous but happy that another friend was safe from Darkles' attack.

That night, she laid in bed with Darkles curved into a ball next to her, as she stared at the ceiling even though it was barely visible in the dark. Endless questions traveled through her mind, wondering what could possibly be the problem with Mal. He hadn't come again since the first time, instead, Alina had decided that it was better than she would go to him instead.

Assuming that way it would be safer, but when she returned afterward, her cat didn't snuggle next to her or even let herself be touched. Alina pouted but then proceeded to take a shower and get into bed, letting the cat have some alone time. Later in the middle of the night, she woke up to Darkles curled around her chest.

It occurred to her that he was probably able to smell Mal on her and didn't like it.

"Darkles," she spoke softly, her voice a bit hoarse. "Why do you not like Mal?" There was a tiny, barely audible meow. "He is not a bad person, in fact, he is very nice. He is my boyfriend, you know. He loves me, he takes care of me and you should try to give him a chance."

Meow. Though it sounded defensive.

Alina furrowed her eyebrows. "What will you do if we get married? I mean he is bound to ask me the question at some point soon. It has been four years since we officially started dating, and we are almost close to thirty. Will you still try to bite his head off?"

Darkles purred. Alina realized that it was a lost cause to try to convince him to give her boyfriend another chance so she let go of the conversation for now. Instead, she dozed off dreaming about engagement rings and proposals, white lilies and flower bouquets.

It had been two months since she had adopted her beloved Darkles, who had grown very attached to her and physically affectionate. Alina loved that feeling of being missed when she returned from work or outside, but she hated the idea of leaving him alone for hours. She went out and bought a baby monitor to be able to watch him from work, in case he needed her. She often wished she could bring him to work with her, but pets weren't allowed where she worked.

Alina was on her usual weekly grocery shopping trip, she had run out of laundry detergent and fresh milk. As she entered, she realized that she was also craving some strawberry tart and had walled toward the dessert aisle the store had, when she stumbled upon a familiar face. A woman in a long black coat stood by the counter, intently watching the desserts on display. Her black hair were pulled back, her one hand cupping her chin.

Her presence alone sent a shiver down Alina's spine. She wondered what kind of life would she have had lead if she was fallen under her care instead of Ana Kuya's. She would probably have turned out to be like her, uptight, unsmiling, somber and apathetic.

Alina wondered if she should say hello, but thought better of it. She probably did not like people's unexpected company and didn't want to be bothersome. She pretended to examine the other baked goods, waiting for Baghra to finish her business.

"What can I get for you?" The lady behind the counter chirped. Meanwhile, Alina picked up breadsticks, turned them upside down and examined them and put them back.

"Two applie pies, one vanilla pound cake, and two chocolate puddings you have there." Baghra replied in her monotonous voice, as though she recorded herself.

Alina wondered just how much sweet did she eat, ordering so many desserts like that. Then she wondered if she had children or grandchildren in her case.

"Are these for your kids?" The lady asked, probably making conversation seeing as she was still wearing a smile. But Baghra didn't smile back once.

"My son."

Alina raised her eyebrows at this piece of information. She didn't even consider that Baghra would have children, let alone a son who was probably a little replica of her.

The lady grinned. "Well, I'll add these lollipops we received today. They are complimentary."

"He's twenty-eight years old," said Baghra, "but I am sure he will appreciate them."

Alina stifled the noise that came out of her mouth that was something between a gasp and a laugh when she heard his age, which in turn made her cough. As much as she was trying to conceal her presence from Baghra, fate had it that she announced herself.

She pretended that she was here to actually get bread, and so picked up a random one from the top shelf and threw it in her cart and then slowly tilted her head to the side, half smiling. She pretended to be shocked to see Baghra and offered her a wide grin.

She could have been an actor.

"Hello," she said in her usual voice, she pushed the cart a little forward so now she was standing beside her and watching the woman wrap desserts for the twenty four year old son. "It's a complete coincidence to see you here."

Despite recognizing her, the woman made no effort to smile. Alina surmised that she had a malfunction of some sort where she couldn't lift her lips up or have the decency to be nice.

Baghra nodded in acknowledgment, her lips twitched a bit but there was nothing else. She continued to wait for the lady behind the counter to box her order up. Alina felt slightly stupid but also, she understood that not everyone owed her warm smiles and greetings. She couldn't force such reactions out of people.

After Baghra picked up her order and left, Alina placed hers and made it back to her car with her paper bags.

As she drove home, she wondered how her son looked like, and whether if he was like his mother or smiled. Alina wondered if Baghra smiled, at least, at her own son. Then she shook her head, wondering why was she so consumed with the thoughts of the woman. Yet, something about her was so fascinating.

When she reached home, she found Darkles lounging upon the shoes next to the door, probably waiting for her. She greeted him loudly and placed her bags upon the counter, she picked him up and gave him a loud, wet kiss to which he snuggled in her hold.

"Can you guess who I met today?"

Meow

"Your previous..." Alina wondered what would Baghra be for this little guy. "Caretaker? Right, the woman who looked after you. Well, one of them. Baghra. Do you remember her?"

Meow

Alina sighed. She would never know if that meow meant yes or no, but she went along with the former answer. She rubbed his head and put him down. She checked her voice messages, and found two: one from Mal and one from Genya.

Hey, babe. I was calling to let you know that I am taking you out tonight for dinner to this fancy place I saw earlier this week. So dress nice. Love you.

Alina felt giddy all of a sudden, she grinned to herself and wondered if today would be the day, if today was the day that he would propose, would ask her to be his forever. She voiced these thoughts to Darkles who began sulking and growling as soon as he heard Mal's voice.

"What's wrong, kitty?"

Nothing.

"You're being ridiculous, Darkles. I would still love you the most."

"Mal is just my partner," she said, crouching down next to him. She ran her fingers on his back, softly. "I love him too, but just not the way I love you. You're my companion for life in a different way, and Mal would be one too but in another way. Of course, you understand, where I am going with this, right?"

More silence.

"Darkles..." she licked her lips. "You're being unreasonable. What do you want me to do? I can not date you, unless of course you have the ability to turn into a human."

His ears perked up.

"You cannot turn into a human," she giggled. "You are my best friend, Darkles. You will always be my little cat."

She rubbed his back now, all the way to his tail. He pushed his little head toward her palm and lazily blinked up at her adoringly. Alina bent a little to plop a kiss on his forehead.

"I have to go get ready now before Mal comes," she announced to her little companion, standing up and straightening her clothes.

She was trying to be patient, she truly was. Yet, as she sat across from Mal, watching him eat his steak in such comfort, she wanted to hurl at him. They had been in the restaurant for over thirty minutes at this point and there was no sign of any ring mysteriously showing up in his champagne, or in her food, or her napkin, or Mal getting down on one knee and surprising her with it from his pocket. Much to her dismay, this was a normal, uneventful date night like any other.

She sulked. She twisted her Alfredo with her fork, glaring at the chicken as if it was it's fault that her boyfriend of four years did not want to marry her. Not right now at least.

Alina did not enjoy uncertainty, one that lasted this long. She liked knowing where her life was heading, where she was going to end up and with whom. She had always planned out her life from as long as she could remember. She didn't imagine that Mal would fall on his knee after six months, but she was sure that four years is a long time to know how you felt about someone and whether you wanted to spend the rest of your life with them.

It broke her heart more often than she let on that Mal never brought up any conversation regarding his plans with her.

Alina bit her lip, restraining herself from saying anything to fuel the fire. Lately, the reasons she loved Mal had been slipping and her strength to hold on had been weakening. Then again, he wasn't doing much to keep her intact.

"So," his voice brought her out of her beef with the chicken and the pasta. "Do you remember two months ago about the promotion that Raevsky was talking about?"

Alina had no mind to force herself to remember such useless details, not when her entire mood for the evening had been ruined. So she faintly nodded, unclear whether she meant that she remembered or not.

"Well," he grinned wide enough to show his pearl white teeth. "Your man has moved from being an accountant to financial analyst."

Alina watched him, her expression deadpanned. She had absolutely no clue what financial analysts did, but even if she was slightly curious, she was too pissed to ask him at this moment. When Alina didn't smile right away, his grin withered.

"Babe?" he asked gently, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion now.

"This is why we are having dinner here?" she asked after a while, placing her fork back to her uneaten plate of pasta. "Because you got a job promotion?"

"Yes?" he replied back, almost unsure. "Was I not supposed to? I am confused why are you so unaffected by this?"

Alina suppressed her bitter smile, "what exactly am I going to get out of this?"

"Well, your boyfriend is going to get a bigger office, a new car and possibly a new apartment even. I will have a higher paying salary and couple more benefits at my sleeve, so you should be proud of me."

She bit the inside of her cheek, repeating his answer in her head. To be honest, he did not give much of an answer to her question. Yet, she noticed how in all of his reasonings, there wasn't a single mention of her or them together.

"You didn't answer my question, Mal. Why exactly am I going to get out of your promotion?" she asked again, her tone exasperated. "Considering the fact, you are not my husband. All these luxuries offered to you will be yours alone, I will not be part of it. In fact, in your entire answer, you did not mention me once. Me, your supposed girlfriend. You just want me to be happy for you, and which I am, truly, but I am also tired of waiting."

She picked up her napkin from her lap and threw it on the table next to the plate. She picked up her clutch and stormed out of the restaurant, leaving a very confused Mal. Who, apparently, also followed suit because as soon as she stepped out, she heard her name being called. She paid him no mind as she waited by the edge of the footpath and signaled for a taxi to stop.

"Alina, wait!" He grabbed her by the wrist and turned her toward him. "What do you mean by all of that? What are you tired of waiting for? Of course those benefits will be for both of us. We will be going on car rides together in my new car, and better pay means better gifts and vacations. We can always go on those trips you mention about–"

It then occurred to her that he had not even once thought about their life together. He had always lived in the moment, present for what was happening then. He never planned a date a day before, but always the very day he would be taking her. There was no...organization in his life, that much had known. Yet, she hoped that at least he saw marriage in his life, preferably with her.

"Mal," she said, interrupting him. "Where do you see us?"

"What do you mean?"

"Where do you see us in the the next, say, two years?" she held on to his hand, hoping that he would give her an answer she was looking for.

I see us together, living together, engaged, married, with children, and a house filled with our belongings, our things, our love...I see us in love in the next two years.

"Hopefully, together." is what he said instead, his face breaking out in nervous laughter. "Alina, where is this coming from?"

"We have been together for four years and not once have you thought about marrying me, have you?" she felt the tears prickling just at the corner of her eye, threatening to fall with mere provocation.

"I-you know how I feel about marriages," he said sullenly, his voice faltering. "I haven't-I thought you were happy. You never once complained."

"That's because I thought you were waiting for the right time. I didn't know you did not want to marry me-" she broke off, wrenching her hand free from his grip and turning away. "Saints, I am so fucking stupid."

"Alina—"

"No, Mal," she stopped him right then, she hugged her clutch closer to her as if it will save her from bursting into tears. "You had four years to explain to me about your choices and thoughts. And for the record, you did not tell me how you felt about marriages. You never brought up the topic and I was too fool to really see the reality of things. You never wanted me."

Mal held her by the elbow again but she pulled back, stepping backward. "Of course I want you, babe. I just like the way we have been. It's perfect, really good-"

"Well, it isn't enough for me," she replied sternly, her emotions void. "I don't want to spend the rest of my life being uncertain and going to restaurants to celebrate promotions, it's a great thing really, I am proud of you. But I want more and it's clear you can't give it to me. I have to go."

She called the taxi once more and without looking back, and not being called to stop, she got into the backseat and went home. Her heart was broken now in to million shards scattered across Os Alta.

iii.

Alina remained in bed for the next two weeks, sobbing and crying, watching romantic movies with tragic and occasionally ones with happier endings. However, it did no good to heal the damage that her heart had been through.

Her friends were consistently calling and texting her to make sure that she is well and alive. They had come to her apartment many times over the weeks, without warning or ringing of bell. Alina had given them spare keys for emergencies and Genya said that this was a close call to one. Despite feeling sympathetic toward her, Genya had been a bit more upbeat than usual. She suspected it was because Genya didn't exactly approve of her relationship with Mal but for her sake, remained quiet, and so she was quite happy that it was over.

Ruby had been dropping by after her Master's classes in the evening with home-baked brownies and sometimes even dumplings from a place near her institute. She had been rather a silent shoulder without the attitude of I-told-you-so. Despite adoring Genya, she appreciated that fact about Ruby.

However, as much as she loved her friends for being there for her—including Nikolai who had offered to beat Mal up, there was only one thing that kept her sane and intact, and that was her little furball, Darkles. He had been curled beside her, allowing his body to be treated as a comforting pillow. Alina wondered astonishingly how Baghra claimed that he was not fond of people, because he was adjusting exceptionally well with her. He rubbed his head on her forearm, sometimes nipped at her fingers playfully, nuzzled her neck and ear, and even lain on her chest when she was feeling extra sad.

As she laid on her side, rubbing the back of his ear and staring into his grey quartz eyes, she half smiled at him. "You always knew something was off about Mal, didn't you?"

He purred, feeling quite proud of himself and Alina giggled for the first time in so long. She hummed to herself, "and I chalked it up to you not approving other men around me."

She turned to lay on her back and stared up at the ceiling. "Well, Darkles, I guess it's just you and me now."

"Why is your phone off?" Genya bursted inside, her arms filled with take out bags and a large bottle of kvas cradled in her left arm like a little child. "I have been calling you non-stop since four hours."

Alina sighed as she closed her laptop that had been lent by the company she worked for. She had to catch up with a lot of work she missed out while she was suffering through her wallowing period, but now she had enough energy to actually work. She had already called and informed her supervisor that she would be working remotely for the next month, Polina had been a little reluctant but understood her circumstances and accepted. She may have wee bit exaggerated.

"Mal won't stop calling or texting," she replied, standing up to clean the table so that Genya could put the food on the table. "The sound of vibrations and phone ringing was making Darkles go insane so I just unplugged the phone and shut my mobile off. Sorry, you can email me until further notice."

Genya sat everything down, she had brought Roasted Lamb sandwiches, Dumpling in sour cream as well as cabbage rolls. Alina was starving and so they both sat down to feast. She made a mental note on having her heart broken more frequently if this was the way she was going to be spoiled by her friends.

"Have you spoken to him at all since the fight?" asked Genya as she poured kvas into their glasses.

"No," replied Alina, taking a bite out of her cabbage roll. "And I don't plan to. He wasted four years of my life and I don't owe him shit."

"It still baffles me that not once did you bring up the topic to him," she sighed, "what exactly did you two talk about?"

Alina shrugged. "I did bring it up, occasionally, but he would smoothly change the subject into something else. I always thought that he was just waiting for the right time. He never indicated anything differently."

"And now," Genya passed her the sandwich. "Does he know why you two have broken up?"

"I don't know and I don't care," she sighed loudly. "Look, can we just eat our lunch in pease? I honestly am no longer bothered. I don't need him anymore, I have you guys and my cat, Darkles. It's all I need."

Genya didn't look convinced. "Maybe you should just talk to him, just once. To just clarify that you both are aware of what you guys want. Perhaps, it was a misunderstanding and he does want to marry you-"

"Honestly Genya, the last person I expected to defend him was you!" Alina exclaimed exasperatedly. "It was clear as the day that he didn't and nor did he ever thought about marrying, let alone just me. I am tired of thinking about it, about him, and how I could have achieved so much more than spending the last four years of my life running around him. I could have gone to Os Kervo for better career choices, or even travelled to Ketterdam."

Genya visibly resigned and leaned behind on the chair. Silence fell upon them as the sounds of chewing and clinking of glass atop the table filled their surroundings. Alina was truly exhausted out of her mind dwelling and crying, she just wanted to move on to better things. She was no longer hoping for marriage, because her heart had been shattered. She loved Mal and she didn't think that she could ever fall in love again, but constantly nursing and worrying about how damaged her heart was will only hold her back. She needed to figure out the next step in her life, so at least she could plan accordingly. Talking to Mal was not a fucking option. No way.

"You know," said Genya after a while, she leaned on the table with her elbows. "If you had moved to Ketterdam or wherever, you would not have met Darkles."

Alina smiled, but then shook her head. "Not true. Darkles and I are meant to be. I would have moved to the end of this world and would still have found him."

Alina turned behind her to see a small black body curled and fast asleep.

Alina sat on her couch with her legs tucked underneath her, while she held tightly on to Darkles who was purring at her every rub and caress. She was deep and lost in thought, she simply thinking about how various things. She wondered about how her life would have turned out to be like if she had parents, or at least one parent, and if she had siblings.

Yet, she did not regret the steps she had taken to lead where she had reached. It wasn't easy either, she had to bust her ass and work extremely hard to be able to afford a studio apartment, and to purchase a car on monthly installments which she was still paying for.

When Alina thought more about it, she realized that Mal had never discussed them as one. He had always referred to them as two individuals, which they were, but so were their plans and things. He had never intended to take the next step of moving in together, but she didn't even push it because she liked living on her own. Even so, Mal couldn't even bother to think of it on his own.

"Darkles," she whispered softly. "Please don't ever leave me, or lie to me. I love you, I love you so much. You are my best friend, my companion, my little furball. I love you."

Meow. Meow. Meoow.

Everything will be alright, she told herself, as long as she had it planned out, and had Darkles.

She was leaving her office building when noticed a familiar pair of shoes standing in front of her. She wanted to bolt but couldn't make a run for it without screaming bloody murder.

Alina froze, her eyes slowly looked up to find the very familiar blue eyes that she had come to resent lately. He looked...the same. Mostly. His hair had grown longer and was disheveled, he had a light beard that was barely visible because it was blonde-ish. He had a concerned look on his face, but other than that, he looked normal. It didn't make him look exhausted but rather right out of bed.

"Alina." he pleaded when she, instead of melting by his presence like he probably had expected, started storming away toward her car.

"Alina, please." his voice was closer than before, and Alina knew that she was not fast enough to outrun him. "I have been trying your phone, your landline. I came by your apartment complex but the guard won't let me up. I just want to talk. Can we, please, just talk?"

Alina's shoulders slumped forward, suddenly too tired to fight him once again. She had just restored her energy back from the last fight that she didn't want to waste it on him once more. She turned around, her jaw clenched as she nodded curtly.

They silently walked to the coffee shop nearby, the one Alina occasionally stopped by before work to get coffee on the days she would be late to work or did not feel like doing any work at home. Their coffee was cheap, and it didn't put any particular dent on her wallet.

Mal placed an order of once cappuccino for himself and one iced latte for Alina, and they proceeded to seat themselves at the far corner, beside the window. The noises of people conversing and laughing drowned the sound of music playing in the background, Alina noticed it to be a familiar tune.

"So," he began first, placing his elbows upfront and watching her intently. "I think we should start from the beginning."

When Alina did not reply, he sighed and continued. "Alina, please. I-I need to know where did we go wrong. I thought you liked our arrangement, I thought th-"

"Arrangement?" she finally cut in, her eyebrows scrunching. "Is that what you refer to what we had?"

"Alina-

"No," she raised her hand, preventing him from further talking. "I think the issue is obvious here, Mal. It is my fault that I did not bring it up firsthand and instead, let it drag for this long. Instead of letting you take me to the Winter Fete by the castle for our first anniversary, I should have asked you what did you see for us in the future. Then again, Mal, getting Winter Fete tickets is not an easy thing. It must have taken you a lot to be able to secure the tickets, didn't it? Any girl would deem herself special in my place."

Alina paused because the waitress had come to place their cups on the table, upon turning she smiled and winked at Mal. She didn't think much of it because this was the norm for them whenever they went out and were surrounded by the female population.

"Alina," he said once more. It almost felt like he could not do more than just call her name again and again. "I-I do love you, you know that. To me, there was never the prospect of marriage and that knowledge was widespread in our college. I thought you knew that. I did not know that it meant that much to you."

Alina suppressed her tears, feeling like the biggest idiot to ever exist. "Mal, it's all I ever talked about. About having a big family, about wanting one. I always admired yours, I told you that repeatedly. I always mentioned how I wish I had my own big family. And to attain that, I would want to get married–I..I just can't–"

She covered her face as she felt the hot sting of tears rolling down her cheeks.

"I am sorry," he had barely whispered but she heard him. "I wish I can make this better for you."

"You can't," she said after a minute of silence, sniffing. "Unless you decide that you want to marry me."

"I-I can try-"

"No, absolutely not. I do not want you to coerce yourself into a life you don't want. That way, we both will be miserable. Let this be the end, let's move on and just–focus on what we want."

Mal looked into her eyes, as though searching for the answer that would somehow satisfy him. Then he nodded. "I will always love you, Alina. You have been the brightest star in my life, my true north. I-I am going to miss you."

She debated whether she should offer her friendship to him, but concluded that it would be too painful for her to see him be with other people and no longer her. It was best to just completely walk away. She bent forward and placed her hand on his, one last skin contact as she squeezed it and smiled sadly.

"Me too, Mal, me too."

One Tuesday evening, Alina was doing laundry when she heard a crash from behind her. She turned around to see Darkles standing beside a now broken lamp, unfazed. She dropped her basket as she removed him from the place of danger, inspecting him for any shards or sharp object, but to her relief, he was safe.

The lamp was her favorite. It was in the shape of sun.

It was a gift from Mal.

Alina wondered how did her cat figured out who the lamp was from or was it an accident. She doubted the latter.

Darkles was happier than usual. He started eating his meals more properly in timely manner instead of consuming everything he could in one go as he was previously.

He strutted around, purring and meowing for no reason. He would always turn to her and slowly blink, as if conveying a secret message only he understood.

He wrapped himself in her clean laundry and would wait by the door whenever she went to work. Though he used to do this before as well but it seemed that he did it with a happier mood.

Alina felt as though the cat was actually a person and not an animal. There have been moments when he would watch her, his grey eyes glinting and flickering. There were moments when she felt as though he was softly smiling at her.

Of course, she was being delusional. Darkles was just a cat.

iv.

Alina was locking her apartment when she heard some noise behind her. Her heart picked up at the thought that maybe she finally had a new neighbor.

She excitedly turned around and was met with a sight to behold. A tall man, much taller than her, with dark hair that reached behind his ears and pale skin, long neck, and slender body stood with a somber look on his face. Yet, aside from his attractiveness and height, what caught her eyes were the grey quartz eyes.

For a minute, Alina thought how similar they were to her cat.

Then she cleared her throat to erase her ridiculous thoughts and offered a hesitant smile to the man.

"I don't mean to hold you for long, but can you help me with this lock?" His voice was calm and collected, as though he could be anywhere but here. "I have been trying to get in for the past hour but no such luck."

Alina nodded, not trusting herself with her voice as she walked up toward her supposed neighbor. She should ask him before it turned out that he was a serial killer.

"I'm sorry but are you moving in here?" her voice sounded foreign to her at that moment. Her eyes were trained on his hands, how long and nice his fingers were.

He cleared his throat, "ah, yes. I do apologize for not clarifying that earlier. I just moved back here from Fjerda and well, I didn't want to reside with my mother longer than I already had."

Alina noticed his face changing, from eyes wide that he let on too much information to his mask falling back. She grabbed the key from his hand as she held the handle and placed a foot on the bottom of the door. She clutched the handle downward with one hand and twisted the key in the hole with the other while she kicked the door hard and let the door slam against the wall behind with a loud thud, then instantly regretted as it might have been rusty and could have broke on contact.

"The apartment has been empty since longer than a year I think and no one comes to check on it," she explained as he watched the hallway and then trained his eyes back to her, his gaze lingering. "Anyway, welcome neighbor. I live across from you if you need any help with anything else."

He nodded, his face still somber. It somehow reminded her of Baghra but with more emotions. "Thank you, miss..."

"Alina Starkov," she waved her hand. "But you can call me Alina."

The corner of his lip twitched, or was that her imagination?

"Aleksander Morozova," he extended her hand. "Nice to meet you."

THE END

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