#gotta remind myself constantly that most people are very kind and patient and so i should be that way to myself too

[tvrningout]

if i'm honest, i'm having a bout of " am i being annoying? " so i might just see myself out till tomorrow. i hate to do that bc i really wanna get my drafts queued, but i also don't think it's good for me to force myself to do something if i'm feeling off. maybe i'll surprise myself and come back and write? but i'm not gonna stress about it too much -- or at least try not to :' )

please take care of yourselves and remember it's alright to take a break when you need one <3 in general ofc, but especially on this silly lil website bc this is a hobby -- not a job!!

#gotta remind myself constantly that most people are very kind and patient and so i should be that way to myself too #and truly no one's done anything!! to make me feel annoying!! it's just me questioning myself bc i tend to impulsively post memes #and get fixated on certain topics/ideas/etc. #and then i do take ages to write #so i worry and tonight's one of those days where i feel self conscious that maybe i'm doing too much #i do feel silly that i'm feeling down but i also just kinda don't wanna be here bc i've made myself uncomfortable #so maybe it's best that i head out and relax and focus on other things for a little bit #this is a rambling mess of tags asdfg but please have a good night for me friends <3 i'll be back tomorrow goofing off as usual <3 #get ready to ramble | ooc #tw negative

[razorblade180]

Shackles 12: Protect your own

[part 11]

One thing leads to another. Pain brings grief, joy brings progress, day brings night; Jacquelyn knew simple truths like these, but she had really wished she could get her joy before night came. That didn’t seem to be the case. The tired woman sat on the Belladonna balcony. Her eyes scanned the stars that have kept her company for many years, bringing a sense of ease while her hands clasped a mug of warm tea. Blake’s mother, Kali, walked up from inside the house and poured more.

“Thank you.” Jacquelyn uttered softly. All day Kali hadn’t spoken a word to her. The older woman gave no expression, but her eyes said enough. They were upset, and mulling things over. “I’m-”

“If you’re going to apologize then don’t. There’s nothing you could say on his behalf.”

“Of..of course. I would never. I was going to apologize for myself. I’m…I involved your daughter in this. That one is on me.”

Kali looked over Jacquelyn. It just didn’t make sense to her. The girl before her sat solemnly waiting for a man who’s wracked sorrow to countless lives.

“If I wasn’t for Sun and Ilia, I would’ve denied you being here. I don’t want him near my home. He’s caused enough harm.”

“I understand. Still, I’m grateful. I know this can’t be easy for you.”

Tears of frustration welled up in Kali’s eyes the more Jacquelyn spoke to her. “Did you have a mother growing up?”

“…For a while. I lost her young.”

“I don’t know you, but I can tell she must’ve been caring; the kind of mother that would go to war for you.”

“Hehe, yeah, she was.” A tiny smile crept to her face, thinking back on the remarkable woman. “I owe her a lot in life.”

“A good mother’s only wish in life is to keep their kids safe and happy no matter what. So yeah, this isn’t easy. The thing I love the most in this world, my precious baby girl, you’ve helped invite back the very thing I failed to protect her from. I’m absolutely livid.So don’t tell me you understand. You’re not a mother.”

A lump formed in Jacquelyn’s throat. The little joy she had fizzled out. Kali’s words felt colder than Atlas winds and they had a right to be. However…a click at the door cut through all that.

“We’re home.” Blake said down stairs. Kali quickly ran downstairs. Jacquelyn put down the mug and ran too, but then, she stopped. A loud slurp came from behind her. She turned back around, gasping. Adam sat in her chair with her mug. His face was a bit pale and clothes were replaced with something a bit nostalgic.

“Hey, how you feeling? ” She said, smirking at his attempts to look cool.

“Dehydrated. Also a little stuffy.” He took off his old signature jacket. “Cannot believe this thing was still around. I guess evidence lockers really collect everything.”

“Did you climb up here?”

“Both Ghira, Blake and I all agreed that Kali is the absolute last person who should see me.” He walked towards her.

“Pfft yeah.” Jacquelyn did her best to chuckle but the smile she tried to force turned to a lip quiver while tears came automatically. Adam put her arms around her and she lost it. Her fingers clung to his shirt and wept, not caring who heard.

“Do you enjoy scaring me?”

“What did you think happened to me?”

“I don’t fucking know.” She sniffed, “so many things. I didn’t want to think you decided to up and leave but now I kinda wish that was the case. At least then I could be pissed at you for being an idiot. I held you Adam. You were so cold.”

“You off all people should know how close to death I can get. But I’ll admit it, I thought I was a goner. I’ll tell you about everything later, but first…” Adam let her go and stepped out of view from the balcony doors.

The entire Belladonna family came up stairs. Kali’s eyes were noticeably more red and her hand held Ghira’s. Blake’s eyes were also a bit puffy but much less.

Jacquelyn sighed as she wiped her own eyes. “Have we all been crying today?”

Blake chuckled halfheartedly “Looks like it. You okay?”

“Not really. I need a nap.”

Kali looked at the balcony. “…Adam, sincerity starts with eye contact.”

“Is that what you want from me?”

“No. Frankly I like not seeing you, but it’s rude to let this woman stand alone after waiting.” Kali wasn’t petty. She knew this wasn’t about her.

Adam walked into view slowly and stood beside Jacquelyn. He took Kali’s glare head on. It was actually nice to know one person in this room would definitely not hold back against him. He’s gotten used to that.

Blake looked at Jacquelyn and spoke. “Where’s Ilia and Sun? I thought they would’ve stayed.”

“Those two only stayed for about an hour. Ilia said she had to do something important and Sun tagged along with her. I have no idea where but they took an airship. They said they’d be back by sunrise.”

That was a little concerning. Blake had hoped to have everyone here for this. What in the world could possess them to leave?

“Guess this is everyone for now. Adam, we gotta do something with you. Even if you’re technically dead, things have to be different.”

“Lock me up.” He said bluntly. Everyone jumped a little from the suggestion.

“Lock you up!? Adam I made a case to keep you out of-”

“I wasn’t finished.” He interjected. “There’s already a collection of people here who know I’m alive. Those guards of yours in particular. Loyalty is easy to strain. If you just let me walk then they will resent you. Allowing them to put me behind bars covertly might give you a better chance to negotiate what to do with me later on.”

“Or you’re locked up forever without real protection. You might be at their mercy. I’m not allowing that.”

Jacquelyn nodded. “Neither am I. We didn’t get you out of one situation just to throw you back into the exact same one! Even if they work for Blake, she can’t watch over their every action.”

Ghira rubbed his beard. That was true. It wouldn’t be good for Blake to be visiting jail constantly anyways, still. “It wouldn’t be wise for Adam to go unpunished. I think for people’s peace of mind he must be detained for a while.”

“Dad! But…”

“Saber is a good man. He wouldn’t act out of line on a whim. Besides, I will volunteer personally to check on him daily.”

Kali looked at Blake’s shocked expression. “Sweetie, he is still a criminal.”

“I know, but…this doesn’t solve anything! How do you expect him to prove things are different behind a cell!?” Blake looked at Adam. “How can you be okay with it?”

“I’m not. If I see another pair of shackles again it would be too soon; but the public finding out about me is no short of a death sentence. However, I do have conditions for going along with this.”

Kali’s eyes narrowed. “Are you really in a position to discuss terms?”

“As long as this is a majority, then yes.” That wasn’t gonna score points with her but oh well Atonement or not, Adam refused to be walked all over. “First, Jackie’s home was blown up. I’d like her to stay here until it can be rebuilt. Second, I’d also want Sienna to be put in Jackie's care when she’s out of the hospital.”

Both Kali and Jacquelyn were highly confused. The maiden spoke up. “Ummm Sienna Khan?”

“Hmm? Oh, no. She’s this little girl that escaped the mineshaft with me.”

“White tiger ears? I remember a girl by you in the desert. Why me?”

“Unfortunately she’s not speaking much.” Ghira said. “Adam says you’re pretty good and patient with situations like these. Also, the child seems attached to Adam, so maybe she’ll be comfortable with the person around him.”

“Be careful though. She can get pretty defensive and violent.”

Jacquelyn squinted. “Giving me a way to focus while you’re gone, is that it? Hmph, like I’d say no regardless. Of course I’ll help her if I can.” She folded her arms. Guess she was getting single mother practice early.

“I’m glad. I do have one more condition.” He put his arm over the maiden’s shoulder and pulled her close. “I’ll go to jail, after I help Jacquelyn get through her pregnancy.”

The room went silent. Jacquelyn felt her face get hot and eyes water again. He knew. These terms weren’t for his benefit at all. They were all for her.

Ghira and Kali looked at each other, shocked by this revelation. A twinge of guilt hit Kali for the words she spoke early, but now she understood Jacquelyn’s feelings just a little bit more.

“You would send yourself to jail even knowing her condition?”

“I don’t make money and I don’t see any outcome where me being free makes it easier for Jacquelyn or those two kids. Anybody drawing the connections would be problematic to put it lightly. At least this way I’m not a complete dead beat. So, do we have an agreement?” He asked Ghira.

Blake bit her bottom lip. Right now she needs to look outside herself. She reminded herself of Yang’s parting words. “Slow down. I don’t need things done in a night. Sigh, besides, it’s not like I have a better plan.” Blake looked at her father. “It’s not unreasonable.”

“That’s not exactly the problem. I’d agree but even nine months of him being free is a lot to swallow. We simply don’t have the men to watch him or a place to keep him.”

“Yeah I don’t want him in my home of all places.” Kali added. “Now matter how you look at it, Adam is too dangerous for anyone to look after while he’s free. I can’t go on good faith where there isn’t any.”

“Mom he’s-”

“OH! OH! I’LL WATCH HIM!” Yelled a voice outside, brimming with energy.

A gust of wind blew in from the balcony bringing a glimmer of faith and dozens of rose petals. Blake’s jaw dropped. “Ruby!?”

The full fledged scythe wielding huntress grinned ear to ear. “Yo!” Ruby dashed in and stopped right in front of Blake, giving her a big hug and waving to her parents. “Busy day huh?”

Blake grabbed her leader by the shoulders. This had to be a fever dream. “Ruby, why are you here!?”

The reaper’s face went red as she started chuckling. “Hehe, so funny story…”

xxxx

“Ruby?!” Yang questioned, shouting over the edge of her ship at another ship passing by. Sure enough, her little sister turned around and gasped.

“Yang!? Why are you on a boat leaving Menagerie!?”

“Why are you on a boat docking to Menagerie is a better question!”

“I stopped by your house only to hear from Jaune that you went to see Blake for the first time in forever! You think I was gonna be calm about it? I took the first mission here I could find to have an excuse!”

Yang could not believe what she was hearing. “Rubes…but that..why!? Just why!?”

“You have a bad habit of saying things you don’t mean when you get emotional. If things went south then they might not get better.”

Moments like these made it really hard for Yang to believe she was the older sister; especially when Ruby is absolutely right. “Can you not call me out like that?”

“Why are you leaving? Don’t tell me things went up in flames?”

“N- Well they almost did, but it’s fine! We’re okay; more than okay. I had to cut things short because…I gotta do some stuff. So does she.” Ruby would have a cow if she learned Yang was pregnant. Yang wanted to tell her, but Jaune had to be first. Well…technically second, but first in her heart!”

Ruby could not believe she rushed over to Menagerie for nothing! Well at least her sister looked happy, so things must’ve gone okay. “Well, I’m happy for you! Sigh…I guess I’ll knock out this mission as fast as I can then-”

“Actually, Ruby, can you do your big sis a huge favor?”

xxxx

“And now I’m here.” Ruby rubbed the back of her head in embarrassment. “Would’ve gotten here sooner but a supply mission is a supply mission. I also checked in with Saber, was it? When I explained who I was he gave me a brief and vague update. Since I came here to mediate in the first place and Yang asked so nicely, I thought I’d lend a hand.”

“You were gonna do that favor or no favor.”

Ruby grinned. It was nice to be known so well. “Mr. and Mrs. Belladonna, I’ll watch Adam. That’s the main reason you turned the offer right?”

“Y…Yes but-” Ghira stuttered.

Kali sighed, “Do you really plan on sticking around for nine months?”

“Technically as long as he’s with me and out of sight then I wouldn’t have to stay here specially, but I can understand if you don’t want him too far away. If he’s genuine then having him help rebuild the blown up home should be no problem. I can stay in the house to watch everyone, or I’m happy to rent a place and keep them there. Ilia has a spot out of the way of people. We got options.”

Call her impulsive, but Ruby was persistent. A game changer everywhere she went and she knew it. The girl took a step back to be in the middle of the room. Her hands went on her hips. The next words she spoke were with pure confidence and sincerity.

“If you need good faith then look towards me. I love your daughter like family and I’ve always looked out for people, so believe me when I say this. Adam Taurus has nothing on me. I can take him.” Bold words but she meant them to the letter.

That confidence was felt by everyone. Even Adam felt challenged, though he had no intention of betraying anyone. His first time seeing Blake’s leader and the sister of a person he never thought would save his life, and she was trash talking him. Huh, I guess they really were related. The argument was strong, too strong for Kali and Ghira to deny. Both of them gave a look of uncertainty before nodding.

“I will cut everyone some slack and let them stay in this room tonight as long as you’re here too.” Kali said.

“Yes ma’am. I appreciate it.” Ruby gave a nod as the older woman left.

Ghira gave a smile to Ruby. “I’m glad Blake has family everywhere.” He left after his wife, leaving the rest of them to sort the rest out.

Ruby finger gunned Blake before turning around,

approaching Adam for the first time in her life. He was definitely tall. That’s for sure. “I don’t think we’ve officially met yet.”

“But I’m positive you know everything you need to know about me?”

“Eh, Blake’s not much of a talker. My sister said a few things but they weren’t exactly helpful, just nasty. You’ve done a lot to her, more than you probably know. Still, Yang fights her own battles and I guess recently she won a big one. We’ll only have a fight if you start one, deal?” Ruby extended her hand.

Adam couldn’t get a read on Ruby. She was open, yet guarded. Kinda Jacquelyn. He shook her hand. “Pretty bold to say you can beat someone you never met.”

“Really? I don’t think so. If my friends could do it years ago then me doing it now should be cake. I mean you even look like a ghost right now.” Her eyes shifted to Jacquelyn. “Congratulations by the way.”

“Thanks?” Jacquelyn grabbed Adam’s sleeve. “Can the two of us talk on the balcony in private?”

“Be my guest.” Ruby watched her new assignment get dragged away by….whatever that girl was to him. “So Blake, I know this isn’t the sweetest vis-eep!” A tight hug snuck up on her.

Blake squeezed tightly and let her stress fade

away. “That’s my incredible leader. Always coming to my rescue.”

“Awe, oh sweet hehe. Now I really know you’re stressed.” Ruby hugged back happily.

Outside, things were a little less warm and cozy. The cool breeze against Jacquelyn’s skin did little to cool her off as her hands tugged gently on the front of Adam’s shirt. Her eyes were glued to the floor while she felt his hand on her head.

“For the record, I’m not the biggest fan of all this.”

“Aren’t you the one who’s been preaching about being more than what I was? Salvation and all that?”

“I didn’t say I wasn’t proud.” She lifted her for him to see her pouting. “So you knew I was pregnant all along? Gotta admit, that makes you getting kidnapped willingly and trying to go to jail makes you look really shitty.”

“Jackie-”

“I know I’m twisting your intentions but I can’t help but feel that way okay? I mean it’s fine. I’m just the gal who took pity on you and helped for her own therapeutic needs or salvation; whatever you wanna call it. Sure we slept around from time to time but that’s what happens when you have no one else. We had no labels. Circumstances made us glorified roommates at best. I mean yeah sure, on paper I guess I did what I set out to do. You’re changing.”

“And you’re trying not to cry.” He rubbed her cheek. Jackie wasted no time reaching to hold it in place. “You’ve spent a few years trying to get me to be more direct with myself. Think you can take your own advice right now.”

“……I fucked up. I should’ve just been helping you but I did more than that. I fell for you, and I can’t say with confidence I know how you feel back because we never talked about these things. A situation like this is what I used to imagine but along the line all I thought of was us, always together.”

“So you’re basically asking me what you are to me, is that it?”

“Stupid, right?” Jacquelyn started laughing at her own insecurities until Adam wrapped his arms around her and rested her head on his chest. The sound of his heart filled her senses and calmed her.

“I thought of you every day I was trapped. To tell you the truth, I don’t feel much different from the day you found me. If anything it’s only harder for me to deny how fucked I am.”

“Idiot, that’s a world of difference, and I’m not the only one who sees that.” Jacquelyn gave a soft smile. So much between was unsaid and uncertain, but that's fine for now. He thought of her, fought for her. She did the same. Those actions were worth a billion words. Roughly nine more months of actions before life changed forever. Best to not waste them. Jacquelyn tilted her head up and leaned in, kissing him gently. The joy she waited for was finally hers as he kissed her back.

Two sets of footsteps came back up the stairs. One pair was a very exhausted Ilia and the other was a slightly less tired Sun.

“Ilia! You’re back!” Blake yelled.

“Yeah I-” she spotted the intimacy happening on the balcony. “Hmm didn’t need to see that.”

“Be nice.”

“That’s what I’ve been doing this entire adventure. Also hey Ruby. Couldn’t resist a good drama?”

“As if! I came here to keep things drama free!”

Sun guided Ilia to the couch for her to plop on. Poor girl has been traveling nonstop for at least three days now. He was tired too, but a sudden rush of energy hit him in the form of Blake giving him a running hug and a quick passionate kiss that made him laugh.

“Haha, is that you saying sorry or thank you?”

“It’s me saying you’re amazing and I love you for rolling with this so effortlessly.”

“Oh there’s effort. You’re just worth it.” He smiled, kissing her again. “I’m just happy you’re safe, but you gotta-”

“Slow down. Yeah…I’ve been told.” Blake rested her head on his chest. His heartbeat was steady and strong, like he always is. “Where did you two go?”

Sun looked at Ilia who immediately got up and left to bother the pair on the balcony, grabbing Ruby too. Sun let Blake go. The man let out a faux cough. “So umm this is probably a completely inappropriate time to ask this but…”

Blake saw him reach into his pocket and her face immediately felt like fire. “Wait!” She frantically grabbed his wrist before he could take his hand out. “I know I asked but you could’ve lied!”

“Hey! I was actually trying to get things prepared back in Vacou but people started getting abducted. I know I just talked about you slowing things down and this isn’t the first time we’ve discussed-”

“Yes!” Blake could see the goofy and confused smile Sun was forming. It only flustered her more. “Don’t be surprised. Listen, it was always gonna be a yes. I’m still going to say yes; especially with all that’s happened. Lately it feels like I’ve been putting off things in my life for things I want in my life, but…you are someone I always want. Even if I don’t say it all the time.”

“I know that. It’s okay. Equality is busy work. It is your dream.”

Blake blushed, “So is marrying you. When this situation gets sorted out and dealt with, can you ask me then? You’ve given all your attention through this. I want to give you all of mine when.”

Drat! How could that feel so bittersweet sweet and yet appropriate? Sun knew his face was red too. Blake didn’t reject him by any means but the moment of courage was dashed! Guess that was the point. Typical Blake. Nothing typical about her. Sun let go of the ring in his pocket and chose to hold Blake’s face, staring into her eyes. How could they be so determined one moment and bashful the next. Honestly…

“My future wife is so ridiculous sometimes.”

“I think that’s what my future husband likes about me.” Blake smirked, “I love you.”

The two shared a kiss, taking a moment for themselves.

Ruby smiled from outside and looked at the others. “Okay, I know there’s more of a reason for nabbing me, because that pretty moment was happening no matter how many were around.”

“I brought you out here because the four of us plus Sun are about to keep a secret.” Ilia put her back against the railing, her head looking towards the stars. “Sobek, I handled it.”

Jacquelyn went bug eyed. “What? H-How?”

“Talked to the victims here, Vacou, and Adam briefly. If I would’ve gone in with you all then I might’ve recognized him. He did work in Atlas after all. Anyways it’s dealt with and you don’t have to worry about any of those victims talking. They already wanted to forget the ordeal so adding funds was icing on the cake.” Ilia stared at Adam with soullessness

“I know, you didn’t do it for me.”

“Oh how I wish that were true. Let’s make things clear right now, I’m so pissed at you. If you weren’t injured then I’d throw down right now. Blake never told you this most likely, but near my house I gave you a grave. To me you deserved at least that much; you kept me alive and going for a time. As much as I now hate some of the things I know how to do, I was fortunate you taught me them because those skills help people.”

Adam watched as Ilia took her pointer finger and pressed it against his heart. He could feel her shaking.

“If you ever want my help again then you will keep me in the loop at all times. I was there before and after Blake worked beside us. I had every right to know about you being alive as much as she did.” Ilia would never admit it to anybody but as much as she was crushed when Blake fell for Adam, she couldn’t help but feel angry when both began undervaluing her contribution. Like they say, three is a crowd.

Adam removed Ilia’s finger and nodded. “Hehe, I can accept those rules.”

“What’s so funny huh? Ugh, you really know how to tick a person off.”

“Nothing. Just…everyone is mad at me for something different. Hard to keep track of it all. Guess being a leader was doomed after all. I don’t get any of you. I can’t help but laugh at myself.” He chuckled to himself.

The strange humor of it all caused Jacquelyn to join in quietly while Ilia rolled her eyes and let things be as they were. She said her peace. Ruby though, she couldn’t help but look at the three of them, Adam specifically. There he was, a person recently beaten to near death, laughing at his own past mistakes in a world that didn’t want him.

“Hmmm I don’t get it. What was scary about this guy?”

#rwby #rwby au #rwby shackles #jacquelyn frost #ruby rose #blake belladonna #adam taurus #yang xiao long #kali belladonna #ilia amitola #ghira belladonna #sun wukong #rwby blacksun

[wkemeup]

Okay but what was Bucky saying about y/n to Steve and Peggy before they met her 😂

I’m With You - Masterlist

“You need to talk me off a ledge, Steve.”

Bucky stood in line behind a dozen angry passengers boarding a 3am flight to Atlanta, all tapping their toes incessantly and trying to peak up and over the shoulders of those ahead of them in hopes of getting on the plane faster, but Bucky would have much rather his flight have been canceled entirely.

“What’s going on?” Steve replied with a yawn.

Bucky could hear the tiredness in his friend’s voice, the soft rustle of the bed sheets and the click of the lamp. He felt a sharp stab of guilt, just realizing what hour it was, but he was sure he was going to collapse into a heap of himself if he didn’t talk to someone. This night couldn’t have possibly been real and if he didn’t tell Steve, he was sure might find a way to convince himself it was all a dream.

“Is that Bucky?” he heard a quiet voice mumble through the phone; English accent laced with sleep. “Put him on speaker, love.”

“You’ve got both of us now, punk,” Steve said and Peggy whispered a quick ‘hello.’ Bucky gritted his teeth and before he could offer an apology, Steve added, “you better start talking before we fall back asleep.”

A passenger shoved Bucky hard in the shoulder, pushing past him when he didn’t take the two steps ahead of him fast enough to keep up with the line. He let the man go without complaint.

Bucky realized then, he couldn’t talk about his sister; not with the anxiety peaking again and rushing through his veins like rapids. It only seemed to calm when you were with him and he didn’t know how that was possible, to have just met someone hours earlier and for his entire world to be dropped upside down like this.

But it was and it had been. And now, he was in trouble.

“There’s, um, there’s a girl.”

Silence. A pause, then, “a girl?”

“Yeah, Steve, a girl,” Bucky snapped. “Stop making me feel like I’m in middle school.”

“Hey you’re the one calling me at 3am over a girl, Buck!”

“Boys, stop it,” Peggy snipped, a light thump through the speaker as she swatted Steve’s arm before she let out a sigh. “Bucky hasn’t so much as mentioned a girl or anyone in three years, so give him a break, darling.” Then, to Bucky, sweetly, “tell us about her.”

Had it really been three years since he landed stateside again? It felt like longer than that and yesterday all at the same time. 

There were pieces of him could still feel the gravel under his back when he slept at night and he still found himself glancing over his shoulder for threats in shopping malls, sneaking around corners at his office building, constantly vigilant. The other half of him felt like it was a lifetime away, like he’d been this isolated, shell of himself for decades, like he hadn’t used the muscles in his cheeks in a millennium.

He swallowed, shoving a hand into his pocket and letting a family of five behind him cut the line. He wasn’t ready to get on this plane just yet. The bag of skittles in his pocket were heavy as stones.

“You remember the stupid shit I used to do with Bec in Charlotte?”

“Is that why you’re callin’ so late?” Steve asked, his voice considerably softer and Bucky wondered how much Peggy’s silent stare had to do with that. “Your flight get canceled?”

“Yeah,” Bucky sighed, pinching at the bridge of his nose, “but it’s back on. I’m boarding now.”

Another silence took over and Bucky wondered if they could hear his heart pounding through the phone.

He glanced back at the long line of people behind him and resided to simply step to the side. He was letting just about everyone pass him by anyway, might as well be the last one to board. He took a deep breath.

“The girl, Bucky,” Peggy reminded him gently.

“Right.” Bucky scratched at the back of his head, finding that his eyes kept drifting down the terminal in search of you, though he knew it was foolish. You had a flight to catch, too. How could he possibly miss you this much? It ached in his bones. It burned like a fire.

So, he told Steve and Peggy everything.

He told them about how you’d been the only other person in the terminal to smile in relief when the cancellations starting rolling in. He told them about the man in the suit who spilled your coffee all over you and how you’d been so patient and kind to the gate agent who looked to be about seconds away from tears.

He told them about how when he was faced with the possibility that you might just walk right out of his life right then and there, he’d done something he hadn’t done in years and asked to buy you coffee. He told them how adorable you’d looked because you were so surprised, shocked even, and he’d let himself flirt for the first time since he’d been home from the desert.

He told them about sitting in the coffeeshop people-watching past when the café was supposed to close and how he’d dragged you into cartwheels at midnight.

“Cartwheels?” Steve gaped. “Seriously, Buck? She must have thought you were completely insane.”

“She did,” Bucky confirmed, a slight laugh in his voice. He didn’t even realize he was smiling. He didn’t notice the nerves left his body.

“How terrible was it? You hadn’t done one of those since your layovers with Becca when you were sixteen. I bet it was awful,” Steve teased, though it was followed by a short grunt and Bucky was certain Peggy must have shoved him hard in the side for that. Bucky grinned.

“Don’t pay attention to him,” Peggy said. “Then, what happened?”

Then, Bucky told them about how you didn’t give him your name until almost an hour later and while he played it cool, it drove him impossibly insane. He told them how he took you to get snacks at the store Charlie worked at – yes, that old man is still alive, Steve! – and then, about how you’d told him the reason you were going to Atlanta in the first place.

“Oh, that poor girl,” Peggy sighed.

Bucky could still picture the look on your face; the genuine belief that you were somehow not worthy of this jerk of an ex-boyfriend and he couldn’t understand it. You were impossibly kind and funny and so stunningly beautiful; Bucky could hardly keep his heart in check around you.

He told them how he tried to explain his situation with Becca to you, how it came out as a jumbled mess, how easily you changed the subject without hesitation and the relief he felt at that.

Then, he told them about the questions over giant checkers and Steve teased him relentlessly, despite Peggy swatting him again, telling Bucky, ‘well I think it’s sweet and Steve could learn a thing from you.’

It felt like a month’s worth of time sat in the span of a few hours and Bucky found himself leaning up against the wall, watching the grumbling passengers make their way to the plane, a smile aching in his cheeks the longer he talked about you.

By the time he got to the end of the story, about how he’d just barely kissed you before the damn intercom went off, alerting you to your flights that were dangerously close to boarding, there were only a few stragglers left in the line.

“Y/n sounds lovely,” Peggy said after a moment. “So, why the ledge?”

Bucky sighed, slowly making his way to the very back of the line. “I don’t know. Maybe I was too much, you know? I don’t remember how to do this stuff. I feel like I dumped all my baggage on a woman I’ve known for a few hours and I fucked it all up.“

“Come on, man, I don’t think that’s true,” Steve said reassuringly, all tracing of the teasing nature leaving his voice. “It sounds like she likes you. I mean, who else would put up with cartwheels in the middle of the airport?”

Bucky found himself chuckling under his breath despite himself. He handed the gate agent his ticket and they pushed out a tight-lipped smile, nodding for him to continue down the gateway.

“She’s really something, Steve. I don’t know the last time I felt like myself and when I was with her… I don’t know, it was easy again, like all this stuff with Bec never happened and I never enlisted. I was laughing and smiling and telling jokes and—Jesus – I was flirting. Didn’t know I could still do that.”

He could hear their laughter in response through the speaker as he stepped into the plane. Everyone else was seated, most people already trying to close their eyes and find some rest before the plane landed in Atlanta.

“Tell me you got her number,” Steve begged and Bucky clenched his jaw, slumping down into his seat. The silence was enough of an answer. “Bucky!”

“I know, I know! But I gave her mine, at least,” Bucky replied weakly. “Just have to hope she’ll call.”

“She will,” Peggy said and the soft rustle of the sheets came like static through the phone. She yawned. “Y/n will call, Bucky. I’m sure of it.”

It was a problem for another day, he supposed. 

A flight attendant stood over Bucky’s shoulder, eyeing his phone and he muttered a quick apology.

“I gotta go. Plane’s taking off,” Bucky mumbled into the phone, nervously glancing back up at the attendant who was still watching him as he continued walking through the cabin.

“Call us tomorrow when you get settled,” Peggy requested. “I know Sunday won’t be easy but we’re here for you. Just need to keep busy on Saturday. Think you can do that?”

Bucky nodded, letting out a deep breath. “Yeah, I’m sure I’ll find something to keep me occupied.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, pal,” Steve said, the click of the bedside lamp turning off. “Anyone who willingly goes along with your ridiculous layover shenanigans has got to really like you. I’m not sure I would even do a cartwheel on that dirty floor for you, buddy.”

Bucky laughed, his cheeks muscles sore and whether it was from the lack of sleep or from smiling more in one night than he had in years, he wasn’t sure.

“You off the ledge now?” Steve asked.

“Yeah. Consider me back on solid ground,” Bucky replied. The flight attendant was making his way back down the aisle to scold him again and Bucky quickly said, “okay I really have to go now before I’m the reason this plane never makes it to Atlanta. Get some rest, guys. Thanks.”

“Always, pal.”

“Fly safe,” Peggy added.

With that, Bucky ended the call and turned off his phone, holding it up for the attendant to see. He narrowed his eyes on Bucky, almost in warning, before he retreated back to his seat for takeoff.

Bucky settled into his seat, folding his arms and letting his eyes drift closed. Despite the lumps in the back of the cushioning and the arm rest to his right completely taken over by the man next to him, Bucky felt a sense of calm, a wave of relief, for the first time in a long while.

His mind drifted back to the beautiful stranger in the airport. The woman with the coffee on her shoes and the laugh of an angel and the kindest eyes he’d ever seen.

He found you again in his dreams.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes one shot #marvel imagine #i will be reblogging with tags from now on if youre looking for it lol #send me drabble prompts or head cannons! #im with you

[set-wingedwarrior]

Bumbleby for the angst prompt “Yang, why are you lying to me” please?

Me? Using fanfics as copying mechanism? It's more likely than you think.I'm sorry if this wasn't what you wanted anon, I really hope you'll enjoy it anyway.

I haven't been good lately. Last week I had a panic attack for the firt time in my life and I needed to let out my fears in some way. That way being Blake this time (sorry sweetie), and your prompt kinda worked in the scenario, so. 

I'm still recovering, having ups and downs at the moment, but I'm doing my best to get better, right now I'm feeling good enough for me to reach out and post this, it's a good sign I suppose. Still, don't expect for me to be actually active yet.That said, have a good reading. 

AO3 

Prompt List  

-------------------------------------------------------

It wasn’t a good time for Blake.

There has been an assassination attempt, followers of the old White Fang and possibly Adam, against her and her new faction. She didn’t take it well, neither did her partners, the people helping her to rule. For a matter of safety, they decided it was best for Blake to stay home for a while, until they’d find out at least who was behind what happened.

Blake didn’t take it well. It was a crucial moment for the Faunus cause and that forced retirement at home kept her wondering what was happening, if the others were handling the situation well.

It’s not like she didn’t trust them, she picked her collaborators herself, Ilia was among them, and they kept her constantly updated but it couldn’t stop the train of thoughts and worries.

Yang was concerned as well. Her wife was stressed, and tired, but at the same time too much energized with nothing to properly vent her stress and energies.

Seeing Blake pacing around all the time, like a lion in a cage (for a lack of better comparisons), was heartbreaking. There was nothing Yang wanted more than find a way to help her, but she was helpless.

But that wasn’t the worst yet. No, her lowest moment would’ve come later, roughly after two weeks forced home.

One night, Yang saw Blake trying to get comfy in her armchair, with a blanket and her most beloved copy and “Ninjas of Love”. It was her comfort read, Yang knew that very well; Blake loved the story, characters, and had a particular love for the relationship between the two main characters.

The way it was developed, all the things they went through together, they were basically soulmates and Blake’s romantic side couldn’t help just falling in love with their love story.  

That’s why she never got tired of them, of re-reading their story, their love blooming. In a way they reminded Blake of her and Yang, and since she started dating the blonde beauty she got an even softer spot for the characters, being able to see so much of themselves in them now.

That’s why that night, when she failed to find that comfort in them, she panicked.

Yang didn’t expect that at all. She just saw Blake open the book, start reading, and then wide her amber eyes in shock. Soon after the same eyes got filled with tears, and Yang couldn’t just sit and watch anymore.

“Blake.” She called, kneeling in front of her, then reached to dry her tears “Baby, what’s wrong?”

“I-I can’t find it.” Blake managed to say, in between sobs.

“Can’t find what?” Yang patiently asked.

“Th-the comfort. The g-good feelings. They’re gone!” she cried harder.

“Blake, you gotta work with me now because I can’t understand what’s going on. But if you let me in, I promise everything is going to be okay.” Yang rose to seat on one of the arms of the chair now, in a better position to hug and try to comfort Blake at best that she could.

“Yang.” Blake sniffed “Why are you lying to me?”

That was unexpected “…what?”

“You can’t promise me that! Everything is a mess and I’m so stressed, and tired, and now I can’t have ‘Ninjas of love’ anymore, nothing is going to be okay!” Blake cried harder, as Yang was even more confused.

“What does it mean that you can’t have that anymore?” Yang genuinely asked.

“I-I-” Blake gulped and tried to take a deep breath before speaking again “I tried to read a bit to make myself feel better.” She started, still with trembling voice “But when I got to it, I found no comfort. All the good feelings while I’m reading, they’re gone!”

Blake started crying harder again, and all that Yang could do was holding tighter and murmur soothing things in her cat ear.

“If I try I get this weird bed feeling under my skin… I hate it! This is too much, I lost control of everything, I can’t lose them too!” Blake went on “What if I can’t ever love them again? What if this is some kind of premonition and it will happen with you as well? I don’t want to lose neither of you!” Blake kept crying in her despair, and Yang let her. It was clearly needed.

After a little while Yang moved away to bring a pack of tissues and a tiny trashcan, then settled on the armchair pulling Blake on her lap. She kept holding her with all the love she could master, as the Faunus blew her nose.

“Blake.” Yang started softly “I wasn’t lying before. It is going to be okay, you are just overwhelmed.” The blonde explained, with calm and conviction. She couldn’t afford to show the most little uncertainty or hesitation “This is the most stressed I ever saw you, and you got no way to release it, it is natural that your brain is blacking out! But your stress right now doesn’t mean you don’t love what you love anymore.” Yang kept caressing Blake’s arm ups and down, as she found refuge in the blonde’s neck.

“Are you sure?” Blake weakly asked.

“Yes, I am. This won’t last forever, I swear.”

Blake was still shivering with her anxiety and bad feelings, but it felt nice to hear that.

After crying a little bit more, Blake passed out from exhaustion. Yang wasn’t happy to see her wife in such distress, but at least she could sleep now. It would’ve gotten better; all of this just needed some time.

In fact, it took Blake a few weeks to recover from all of that. Time helped, but not as much as being able to be back to her work and her habits. Still, when she picked up her book and started reading, with a smile of pure joy on her face, it was the best thing Yang could’ve asked for.

#rwby #bumbleby #yang xiao long #blake belladonna #bumbleby fic #my fic #ask #anon #request

[w-k-smith]

THE FINAL CHAPTER

Beetlejuice races to catch up to Lydia before Juno does. But Lydia has entered the Abyss in search of her mother, and will soon learn Beetlejuice lied to her. Will Beetlejuice be able to keep his friend from getting attacked by a demon, AND keep her from hating him forever when she realizes what he has done?

Chapter One: “It’s a Wonderful Afterlife” (6/19/20)   Chapter Two: “Worm Welcome” (07/03/20)   Chapter Three: “Ghost to Ghost” (07/26/20)   Chapter Four: “To Beetle or not to Beetle?” (08/30/20)

Warning:  This story contains depictions of, references to, and discussion of  topics like suicide, untimely death, abuse, and body horror - you know,  like the musical does (though this probably has more). Know your  boundaries, and stay safe.

(This story is also available on AO3, under the username w_k_smith.)

New chapter under keep reading! B33tl3b4b3s DNI!

The darkness…swirled. That was the only way to describe it. There was nothing but blackness all around, but the blackness wasn’t still. It undulated, with a few jagged beams of light jumping through the dark. The ground – if you could call it ground – was steep and uneven, like the floor of a funhouse.

“Hey, kid!” he called. “Where are you? Don’t go too far!”

No answer.

He ran, and almost tripped. He scrambled to get his footing, but he had to keep moving forward.

“LYDIA!” he yelled as loudly as he could.

And then he heard her.

“Mom?” She was calling into the void around them. “Mama? Emily Deetz? It’s me, Lydia.”

A few more steps, and he saw her. Her dark clothes and hair made her next to invisible. But when he saw her, her energy and frantic movements made it clear she didn’t belong in this environment, among the deader than dead. She was running back and forth, peering into the shadows as if that would make a difference.

“Mom!” she yelled. “Mom, it’s Lydia!” Her voice cracked on: “Mommy? Can you hear me?”

He went up a short incline, and hopped to another. “Hey!” he yelled, hoping to get her attention.

Not only did she not look over, he also slipped and fell onto the ground. By the time he got up, she was out of sight again.

He groaned in frustration, and kept moving. Going deeper into the Abyss would keep Juno from catching up too quickly, but they couldn’t avoid her forever. Not even here.

Lydia appeared up ahead. She’d moved on to shouting her mother’s name. Like he’d told her to do.

“Emily Deetz!” she yelled. “Emily Deetz! Emily Evelyn Deetz! Mom?!”

“Hey,” he said. “You don’t –”

“Where is she?” she demanded, her voice ragged. “Where’s my mom? You told me she would be here.”

He raised his arms to either side. “She’s out here. At least, part of her is. And it’s all around you. So is just about everyone who has ever died.”

“Why isn’t she answering me?”

It was a hard, hard question to respond to, in more ways than one.

“That’s…complicated.”

“Where is she?”

He took a deep breath he didn’t need. “She’s not…herself, anymore,” he ended up saying. “Ghosts can hold it together for a long time. Act like we’re people. And maybe we are. But once you give yourself over to the next step, then…” He struggled for the right words, and shrugged. “Then dead is dead is dead.”

“She isn’t responding to me.”

“She can’t. Or, she won’t. It’s not because of anything you’re doing wrong. What you want to do can’t be done.”

“But you told me –”

“Yeah, kid. I told you.”

“You lied to me,” she said.

“Yeah.”

“How could you do that?”

He’d had all the right justifications in mind when he’d first lied. You wouldn’t have listened. You would have left me. I wanted to be free. I was just so miserable I couldn’t risk it.

The words didn’t come.

“I hate you!” Lydia spat. “I thought I knew what you were, but you’re even worse. You’re just a terrible, lonely bastard, and you’re don’t even realize how pathetic you are. Your mother is the only one who wants you around, and she’s disgusting. You’re disgusting. I can’t believe you let me think you were my friend.”

“I’m…I’m…”

“Stop talking to me!” She turned on her heel, and started walking deeper into the Abyss.

“I’m sorry, OK? I really mean it. I’m sorry, Lydia.”

She stopped walking.

“What you have to understand is that the Netherworld is a truck stop. Nobody, except demons, is meant to set up shop out there. Everyone leaves, to come in here, and become whatever it is dead people are really meant to become. Everyone. Sometimes, you hang around the Netherworld for decades. Sometimes, it’s a few minutes. It sounds like your mom’s stay would have been on the shorter side.”

She pressed her hands to her face.

“I know it doesn’t feel like it,” he said. “But that’s a good thing. Trust me, kid, you don’t want to stick around the Netherworld too long. ”

It took him a second to realize she was crying.

“I’m not going to see her again?” Her words were thick.

He drew closer to her, feeling very much like he was approaching a land mine.

“Not here,” he said.

“I – I – I –!” She lowered her hands. Her shoulders were heaving. He could tell she wasn’t trying to decide what to say, but crying so hard she has having trouble forming words. Tears gushed down her face. “I don’t – what am I going to do now?”

The guilt was overwhelming. It pulled at him, dug its fingers in. He’d said all he knew, and tried to offer the closest thing he had to comfort. But fresh tears still welled up in her eyes.

“I just – I came all this way and she’s not – coming – back!”

She buried her face in his shoulder and sobbed.

He froze. He didn’t know what to do. He wanted to help her, more than he had ever wanted to help anyone. But he didn’t know how.

Shake her! insisted the part of him that was chaotic and colorful, the part most like himself. Tell her to snap out of it. Remind her that Juno is coming. Pull out your alarm clock that constantly screams, and say neither of you have any tiiiiiime for this.

He ignored that part, and ignored the instincts that had kept him lonely and apathetic. His friend deserved more than that.

He didn’t know what else to do, though. So he let her cry. And he hoped that would be enough.

Eventually, she let go of him. Her makeup was smeared, her face was flushed and puffy, and she looked about three years younger.

“I think I got some snot on your jacket,” she mumbled.

“It’s seen worse.”

“I don’t actually hate you.”

“Oh. Huh.” How about that?

“I want to go home.”

“Me, too.” The old feeling came back, the one that had been buried even deeper than he was. The lonely and aching urge to go home, even if you were already there. Even if you had never had one.

And one day it was all too damn much. And he’d done something dumb. And now he was…here.

“Why is your hair purple?” she asked.

He cleared his throat. “Egad. You’ve got me emotional.”

She lowered her head. Her shoulders sagged.

“What do we do now?” she asked.

He squinted into the darkness moving around them. “You leave.”

“What?”

“Juno’s on her way,” he said. “It’s bad. I really pissed her off this time, and if she catches up –”

A rumble in the distance. A waft of smoke.

“Lucky for you,” he continued, “she might be more mad at me than she is at you. You have to go.”

“Lawrence!” came his mother’s roar.

Lydia frowned. “She sounds different.”

“I’ll bet she is different. A rampaging demon is not a pretty sight. You can’t be around for this. You gotta get out of here.”

“I don’t have any chalk with me,” she said.

“She’d be able to follow you into the living world, anyway.”

“Then let’s make a run for it!”

“No,” he said. “Stay. And be quiet. She knows I’m in here, but she still doesn’t know exactly where you are. I’ll go and distract her; you run once we’re gone. Find the Maitlands, or Miss Argentina, and they’ll help you get back to living world.”

“Will we be safe from Juno then?” Lydia asked. Her eyes were filled with fear.

It was time to stop lying to her. “You won’t be, if she has her mind set on punishing you. But! I’m going to take the blame. Toss myself on her sword.” He pantomimed stabbing himself, and added a realistic splat sound.

“Don’t do that. She hurts you, right? All the time? Hurts you a lot? Even though she’s your mom?”

Her words were simple, but were wrapped around something very big he could tell she was struggling with.

He gave an exaggerated shrug. “Yeah, Little Miss Sunshine, I’m used to it.”

“But if she’s so mad, it’ll be worse this time.”

“Let me worry about that.”

She narrowed her eyes, and he worried he was going to have to drop kick her to safety, or something. “Can I have some Zagnuts for the road?”

He couldn’t figure that one out. But he was happy to hand over an armload of candy bars from the depths of his jacket.

“I’ll see you later,” she said.

“Lydia…”

“I’ll see you later.”

She turned, and ran into the dark of the Abyss. It only took a few steps for her to disappear.

“BEETLEJUICE.”

He turned, his stomach filling with dread. Juno was still on fire. Her beehive was blackened and losing structure. Her walker had sunk into her forearms. It was either melting, or she was so angry she was forgetting to keep it a separate part of her body.

“Hi, Mom,” he said. The words came out more quietly than he intended.

She huffed, and it sounded like a growl.

“I’ve been patient. For hundreds of years, I’ve been patient. But you’ve disappointed me at every turn. You’ve never even tried to live up to your potential. Don’t you know the kind of purpose you could have had? What you could have achieved if you weren’t such a lazy, boneheaded, waste of space? You said the breather was your friend.” She drew closer to him. The walker scraped across the ground. “What kind of demon is friends with a little girl? More than that, what do you think you’ve ever done to make anyone be friends with you?”

She took another step.

“Stay away!” he said. “I don’t care what you say! I’m through with you, Mom! I’m getting out of hell, and I’m not letting you hurt anybody I care about!”

How he was going to keep that promise, he didn’t know. He told himself it was the thought that counted.

“Oh, sonny boy. We’ll just see about that…!”

His mother started to change. She must have liked looking old, and gross. It wasn’t what he would have chosen if he had total control over his appearance, but hey. Demons’ true forms were strange and primordial, and rare sights. Juno wasn’t reverting to her true form, but she was becoming something else.

Juno stretched and warped, until her walker became the front four legs of the giant insect demon she was at heart. Loose red clothing hardened into a carapace. Her face was broken by mandibles that slid from her mouth. The smell of fire remained.

Exit stage left.

He turned and ran through the Abyss, fueled by desperation to get out, get out, get out. He scrambled over the uneven ground, hoping he was doing more than just going deeper into the black. Juno followed him. He heard her mandibles clicking, over the sound of her limbs shredding the rocks beneath her.

And over that, he heard her laughing.

“Come on…come on, universe!” he groaned. “Help a guy out!”

He ran up a short rise in the ground, jumped off the edge –

– and tumbled onto the sands of Jupiter.

“Yes!” he whooped.

The sand three feet to his right exploded as it was raked by a spiked, armored leg. Someone – definitely not him – let out a high-pitched shriek.

He started running again, flying over the dunes and kicking up sand like the Roadrunner. He didn’t look back, but he didn’t know where exactly would be a good place to go, either. Juno could follow him through Saturn. She could follow him into the living world. He pressed forward toward the admin area, knowing Juno would be right behind him. His only hope was that she wouldn’t want to disembowel him in front of her employees.

Who was he kidding? That would be gravy for her.

Sand gave way to black rock. He skidded to a stop in the craggy field, because where else was there to go?

He glanced behind him. He’d put a little distance between himself and Juno, but her jagged silhouette advanced on the horizon.

The swift clack of heels. “What have you done?!” Miss Argentina asked. She had a tight grip on her clipboard, and her face was so livid it almost wasn’t green.

“I set her on fire, a little bit,” he said.

Her hands shook, and her clipboard snapped in half.

“Where is the living girl?” Miss Argentina said.

“Hiding. She’s fine for now; Juno’s focused on me.”

“Well that’s something! What exactly is your mother going to do?”

“I think this is it, Miss A.”

“Beetlejuice…”

He cleared his throat and yanked on his tie. “Ah, you know, at least I get the honor dying horribly twice…”

Miss Argentina squeezed her eyes shut for a second. “There must be something you can do.”

He shrugged. He was powerful, and had more tricks up his striped sleeves than any other ghosts. He was nothing compared to his mother.

A door formed in the air, and swung open. Charles, Delia, and the Maitlands tripped over each other rushing out.

“Finally!” Adam exclaimed. “We opened so many doors!”

“There you are!” Charles said. “Where is Lydia?!”

“She’s as safe as she can be,” he said. “Right now, you need to get the hell out of here if you know what’s good for you.”

“Not without Lydia!” Delia said.

“It might literally be your funeral.”

“More breathers?” came Juno’s roar. He looked up. She’d grown taller, her skin stretched tight in some places, bunched up in others. Her eyes were bulging and multifaceted, like a housefly’s. Her fried beehive still bobbed on top of her head.

“Help me or scram!” he said to the ghosts and the living.

The Maitlands looked at each other. Charles and Delia just looked terrified. Miss Argentina’s eyes darted from left to right, but she didn’t move.

“C’mon, Ma!” he yelled at the creature towering over them. “Let’s have it out, you and me! For better – or worse.”

Definitely worse! What was he thinking? What was he doing?

He had no other options. No more cowering. No more tricks. No more running away.

He strained, and spikes erupted from his body. Juno’s pincer tried to clench around him, but she couldn’t grab hold. He puffed himself up even bigger, and her limb jerked back.

He kept moving. He retracted the spikes, stretched his body like a snake, coiled, sprang, and wrapped himself around his mother’s neck. She choked, and her head jerked back. It was just a holdup, though. She grabbed him, yanked him off her. He found himself being dangled in front of her face.

“I never should have borne you!” she hissed, as he wilted into his human shape. “I should have scrubbed you from the afterlife the second you crossed over!”

He opened his mouth to answer, but a chunk of rock flew over his head and hit Juno on the chin.

“That is no way to talk to your child!” said Barbara Maitland.

She and Adam were on the sidelines, but holding rocks. Barbara was still a little off balance after throwing hers. They thought they could help. Oh God, they were so adorable that he wanted to die again…

He twisted so he dropped out of Juno’s grasp. As soon as he hit the ground, he rolled to the side, and popped up covered in arms that ended with claws. He could only raise all those limbs for a few seconds, however, before they disappeared, leaving him with his usual two arms and two legs. Boring. And weak.

His default form kept threatening to return, like a resistance band threatening to snap back and hit someone in the eye. Unlike full demons, who could look like any horrifying thing they set their minds to, he had a semi-human form he had to settle back into after a while. Sure, he’d warped over the years; he hadn’t been born with green hair, but this was pushing him to the jagged edge of his limits.

One of Juno’s six legs smashed into him. He let his body get rubbery, so instead of being crushed, he just kind of…squished.

She hit him again. And again.

“Beetlejuice!” Miss Argentina yelled.

He tried to make a joke, because the idea of Miss A being worried about him was just plain disconcerting. But it was hard to say This is karma for every time I drunkenly broke a Whack-a-Mole machine when your lungs wouldn’t inflate.

He was trying. He really was. But he just couldn’t resist anymore.

Juno pinned him to the ground. A little more pressure and he’d be squashed like a bug. Fitting, he supposed.

“Leave them alone!” came a familiar girl’s voice.

He looked up, and saw a sandworm bearing down on them. For a second, he braced himself to be devoured. Until he recognized the dark shape clinging to the sandworm’s back. And he realized Juno was about to be distracted.

“Hi, Lydia!” he shouted, and slithered away as the sandworm reared back over his mother.

“No!” Juno roared. “Get away, you filthy –”

A Zagnut hit her between the compound eyes.

“Go, Sandy!” Lydia called. “Get the snack!”

The sandworm lunged forward, all jaws snapping. The vision of black and white stripes turned into a shadow that threw up a wall of dirt. He heard Lydia shriek, and Juno yell in anger.

And then Juno went silent.

The dust settled.

The sandworm was curling itself up into a satisfied ball. Lydia was safe on its back, but was quietly whispering “oh my God oh my God oh my God” to herself. Juno was nowhere in sight.

Miss Argentina took a hesitant step toward the torn patch of earth where the Director of Netherworld Customs and Processing had been devoured. The sandworm nipped at her experimentally, and she scampered back.

“Yeah,” he wheezed. “The ghosts need to stay away from the worm.”

Charles and Delia went to help Lydia down. They didn’t seem thrilled about getting close to the sandworm, but it ignored them completely. He didn’t blame it for not getting overexcited. It was going to have quite a time digesting a meal like Juno, given that demons weren’t sandworms’ usual diet. In fact, it probably wasn’t even really all that interested in the nearby ghosts.

Not that he wanted to stand up and check. Or stand up. Or move at all. His body – his whole existence – felt beaten to a pulp.

“Are you alright?” Barbara Maitland asked, leaning over him.

“I will be if you kiss it better,” he said.

She sighed. “You’d have to shower about a hundred times for me to even picture that happening.”

“Anything for you and sexy over there. Let’s run some hot water and get the ball rolling.”

She pursed her lips.

“Sorry,” he groaned. That word again. Bleeeeech. “Would you please help me up, Barbara?”

“That’s better.” She took his hand, and pulled him to his feet.

“Beetlejuice!” Lydia ran over to him. “Are you OK?”

“Never better!” He grabbed her, tossed her into the air, and caught her while she giggled. “Look at you! You saved the day!

“I can’t believe it worked,” she said.

“Me neither!” He set her down. “Chekov’s Zagnuts. Whodathunkit?”

“Hey, um…” Lydia’s expression grew concerned. “Who are they?”

He looked over his shoulder. A motley assortment of nightmares had wandered out of the admin area. Little gremlin creatures with skeletal faces and bulging eyes. A chalk-pale man wearing a suit, and smiling with a mouth like a stretched rubber band. A woman in Victorian garb who had the strong smell of potpie.

“Oh, them? They’re demons,” he said.

“Cool,” Lydia said.

“Lydia.” Charles had snuck up on them. “I need to talk to you.”

Her smile was gone. “Things didn’t go as planned, with…with Mom,” she said.

“I didn’t think so,” he said quietly. “Come on, sweetie. Let’s talk over there. Away from…” His gaze slid over the demon audience. “…All that.”

Charles led Lydia away.

He checked a strand of his hair, and saw that the green was fading to a vague and colorless shade with his exhaustion. Still, he revved up to stomp over and interrupt Charles, because he was in the mood to confront another terrible parent today.

Delia grabbed his sleeve. “Don’t,” she said quietly. “I think they need to figure this out by themselves.”

“He’s been an asshole.”

Delia patted his arm. “Maybe a little bit. But he loves Lydia very much. He’s going to make things as right as he can.” She was looking at Charles with misty, lovestruck eyes. Ew. “Thank you for looking after Lydia…in your own way. She’s a unique girl.”

“Ah, she saved my sorry ass.”

“By the way…that giant insect creature was your mother?” Delia asked.

He nodded, and waited for the usual disgusted look, the double take, the silent curiosity about whether he was as twisted as Juno was.

“I’m very sorry. Growing up must have been awful,” was what Delia said instead.

“Um…yes,” he said.

“And you’ve been working for her for how long?”

“Ever since I died. It’s been a wonderful afterlife. Every time a bell rings, a demon bites the wings off a bat.”

Delia blinked a few times. “Have you ever considered therapy?”

He put a hand on each temple. “I don’t like having my head shrunk.” He squeezed until his skull was the size of an apple. Delia looked a little grossed out, and mildly impressed. He let his head reflate, and decided she was OK.

“Beetlejuice.” Lydia was done talking with her father. She wiped the corner of her eye, but she seemed fine. “So is Juno…dead?” she asked, pointing at the sandworm. The striped animal’s eyes were lowered drowsily. “Like, dead dead?”

“Let me see,” he said. He cleared his throat. “Benchchartreuse. No, Bechdelgoose. Beachcaboose, dammit!” He shook his head. “She isn’t dead enough, apparently. I’d give her about a hundred years stewing in the sandworm before she pops out.”

Miss Argentina, drawing closer now that the sandworm had settled down, clicked her pen. “The Netherworld will be in very capable hands when or if she returns. Hands so capable, they may push her right back into the sandworm’s maw.”

“You’re the best, Miss A.”

“I know.” Miss A turned to the assembled demons. “Anyone want to argue about that? I think we can make do without a director for a while.”

“Hey, man, we aren’t gonna cry with Juno gone,” said a one-eyed skeleton in a bowler hat, his jaw rocking back and forth as he spoke. “She was the worst boss we ever had. And what she did to her own flesh and blood? Not cool.”

“We’ll get more done without her around. Don’t act like we haven’t all been thinking it,” said a mournful elephant in clown makeup.

“The capitalist paradigm of a manager overseeing a 40-hour work week is obsolete anyway,” said a moldering bride, and the maggot in her eye socket agreed.

“I would very much like to leave now,” Charles said.

“I have the chalk!” Barbara said.

“Wait!” Lydia ran in front of her father. “BJ comes with us,” she said, crossing her arms. “I already signed the adoption paperwork. And if you say he can’t, I’ll drop out of school and get a neck tattoo. So.”

Charles blinked hard, and looked to the Maitlands.

“It’s fair that you two get a say about this,” he said.

The Maitlands looked at each other for several seconds, and he started to get worried.

“No sexual harassment, or you can’t live with us anymore,” Adam said.

“And you take a bath the second you walk in the door!” Barbara added.

“And you can’t have your ghost or demon friends over.”

“At least, not without getting permission first.”

“And we’ll evict you the second you stop being a good influence on Lydia.”

“And if you ever, ever hurt her at all, we will defy all afterlife laws, find a way to resurrect you, and murder you slowly and painfully.” The steel in Adam’s and Barbara’s eyes when Barbara said that made him certain that they meant it, and he was both terrified and, somehow, more deeply in love. Oh, he’d find a way to bring them around. Even if it meant having to do some really twisted, degrading stuff like being nice, and giving compliments, and remembering birth days. Time to learn some romantic ukulele songs.

“Agreed, agreed, I have no friends, agreed, and that’s fine by me,” he said, ticking off the points on his fingers.

“Then I guess we’re OK with it,” Adam said.

“On a trial basis,” Barbara said.

With a flourish, Barbara pulled the chalk out of her pocket. “I don’t know about you guys, but I’m ready to go home. It’s been a long, long day.”

“See ya later, guys!” he shouted at the spectators. Miss Argentina smiled at him, actually smiled in a full, genuine way that didn’t come off in the least bit sarcastic.

“Bye-bye, Sandy!” Lydia called, waving at the sandworm. It thwacked the ground with its tail.

He gathered with Charles, Delia, Adam, and Lydia while Barbara drew three straight lines on a rock.

“I’m still mad at you for lying about my mom,” Lydia said.

“Eh, that’s fair.”

“But…” she said. Her tone was deliberate, as if she was about to say something important. “I guess you’re supposed to always be mad at your dumb big brother.”

He scrabbled for something to say, though that word had knocked the wind out of him.

“Dumb?” He straightened, and pressed a hand to his chest, affronted. “I’ll remind you, I’m the brains of this outfit.” He reached into his right ear, and pulled out said brain. Lydia laughed.

“Brother?” he mouthed to himself when her back was turned. Barbara saw him, and gave him a small smile before she walked through the door herself.

Lydia cleared her throat. “And once we’re all through, I’ll say your name two times. It was two times, right? Two times exactly, and then if nothing happens, I should just give up and assume you don’t want to come?”

His unbeating heart burst with pride. “You little shit.”

“Come on,” she insisted, holding out her hand. “Let’s go home.”

He took it, and she yanked him through. And through the shadows and green mist, he was pretty sure he could see daylight.

#Beetlejuice #beetlejuice fanfiction #Beetlejuice the musical #lawrence beetlejuice shoggoth #lydia deetz #chaos siblings

[duhragonball]

[FIC] Luffa: The Legendary Super Saiyan (121/?)

Disclaimer: This story features characters and concepts based on Dragon Ball, which is a trademark of Bird Studio/Shueisha and Toei Animation.   This is an unauthorized work, and no profit is being made on this work by me. This story is copyright of me. Download if you like, but please don’t archive it without my permission. Don’t be shy.

Continuity Note: About 1000 years before the events of Dragon Ball Z.

[22 May, 233 Before Age. Interstellar Space.]

"Personal log, Dr. Topsas recording. Now then, where to begin...? I am still aboard the Emerald Eye in Federation territory. Luffa is long overdue to return for medical attention. What began as a supposedly 'quick' excursion to the Fedender System mutated into a tour across multiple planets that put my patient on the other end of Federation space. Luffa being Luffa, she has taken it upon herself to fight every battle on every planet along her way back to us. I have received some reports from hospitals in the field, and I am bracing myself for the worst.

"During Luffa's absence, I have stocked her star-yacht with medical-stasis fluid, and a healthy supply of regenerative medications. In the worst-case scenario, I will only have to keep her in stasis for two weeks, but I am constantly reminded of the old saying: "If you wish to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." No doubt, His Nine Eyes watch with great amusement as I prepare for Luffa's arrival, as I boldly tell myself that I have everything I need. Though, at the moment, I suspect there are a great many generals and warriors with haughty plans of their own, each producing their own fair share of divine laughter.

"Now that is a dark thought, that a benevolent God should find war to be humorous. I should really find something happier to dwell on in times likes these. Then again, it is my personal log, and I suppose I shouldn't run from a chance to express these kinds of feelings. Very well then. Let us talk about the war.

"I am hardly a military strategist, but it is my opinion that it goes poorly for the Federation. I would not consider any war to go well, but moral objections aside, this conflict seems specially designed to erode the morale of both sides.

"I know little of the so-called 'Jindan cult.' I have been told that Luffa's arch-nemesis, the Saiyan King Rehval III, founded the cult as a way to strengthen his hold over the Saiyan people. Using his arcane skills as an alchemist, along with the pseudonym "Trismegistus", he created a secret method to make Saiyans even stronger than they already are. This worked wonders for his cause, as Saiyans who would never serve a king were all too eager to trade their freedom for power. Now, he sends his followers into Federation space, launching senseless attacks on otherwise peaceful planets. His motives are unclear, though it certainly seems to be a continuation of his grudge against Luffa. As a Super Saiyan, she poses the greatest threat to his dominion over their species.

"What I have heard of these cultists is truly horrifying. Many are cynical warriors who only serve the cult for their own ends. Even so, they fear their master as though he holds their lives in his hands. I suppose that he truly does hold their lives in his hands, for Rehval has the power to withdraw the added strength he gives to his followers. At the slightest sign of defiance, he can drain their power, leaving then weaker than they were to begin with. In some cases, this process can be fatal, as Luffa discovered when Jolok was 'excommunicated' on Planet Quadzityz. Jolok perished, and a sizable piece of the planet very nearly shared his fate.

"The cultists who remain in Rehval's favor do so in a state of constant terror. Some have learned to mask their despair with religious zeal, while others rely on denial. All of them are experienced enough in the ways of war to know their true role in this conflict. They are not holy crusaders serving a higher purpose, as many of them claim. They are merely cannon fodder, a light brigade being sent to die as a mere diversion. Theirs is a simple choice: Die in service to their master, or die in defiance of him.

"I call them a light brigade because every battle fought in this war has resulted in a complete annihilation of Jindan forces. A one hundred percent casualty rate is unthinkable. Even the maddest of tyrants would blanche at such a statistic. It clearly is not sustainable, and yet Rehval continues to send his warriors, confident that he is safe from counterattack in his secret base.

"On the Federation side, a string of impressive victories carries little hope, for each battle leaves considerable death and destruction in its wake. Luffa and the Federation's other defenders have managed to halt the invaders at every turn, but they still manage to kill thousands, destroy important cities and military outposts, and cause ecological damage with their attacks. I think what frustrates the Federation in this hour is that they have no way to take the initiative in this war. They must simply wait for Rehval's forces to reveal themselves, and then absorb whatever losses they must until they can deploy their forces to fight off the invaders. Luffa's health is simply one facet of the bigger picture.

"Perhaps things will change if Luffa can find Rehval himself, but I have little confidence in this. She has already been searching in vain since-- eh?"

"Doctor! Come quickly!"

"What is it? I-- Ninth Eye!"

"Everything happened so fast that we didn't have a chance to fill you in."

"I should imagine. The rendezvous with the transport wasn't supposed to be for another twenty minutes."

"They got a distress call. Luffa convinced them to put her in an escape pod and drop her off so they could answer it. When I got the message, I pushed the engines as hard as they could go."

"Hey, I'm fine... really."

"Shut up, Luffa, and get on the bed."

"Okay, okay. Pushy lady. I guess that's why I married you. Hey, Doc. Sorry I keep... keep missing appointments."

"Please lie still. Would you hold that for me, Ms. Zatte? Please do calm down."

"I just... there's so much blood..."

"Yes, reopening old wounds, no doubt. I thought you were going to stay out of trouble, little mammal."

"So did I, Doc, but there was... was... an attack on Zerkus III and my transport was the only ship in the area."

"Zerkus III? Luffa, I'm so sorry, I, well, I had no idea--!"

"Relax, Dotz. They weren't Jindan cultists, so you probably... ow!... probably couldn't have predicted this. You were looking for Saiyan invasions, and this was a band of Zoons, trying to take advantage of the chaos. Thought they could pick on a planet further away from the fighting, but I made them regret it. Hah! You should have seen the looks on their stupid faces. Doc won't be putting them back together, that's for sure."

"I... I should have been able to predict that... even if they were Zoons, I should have..."

"Doctor, please, is she going to be all right?"

"That is precisely what I want to find out. I will get her stabilized and begin a complete examination. I think it would be prudent to take the ship somewhere safe, before any other enemies happen along."

"I can't just leave her like this--"

"Ms. Zatte, if there were someone else aboard who could handle it, I would not be asking you. With respect to Ms. Dotz's proficiency with the ship's helm controls, I do not believe she has the tactical knowledge to keep the ship out of danger in case of an attack."

"We don't need to run. I don't care how banged up I am. I'm still the Super Saiyan. No one would dare come after... ah... huh... and even if they did, I'd.... I'd...."

"Come on. You can't help her right now. The best thing we can do for her is to get back to the bridge."

"Dotz...? Okay. I know. You're right."

"Hey.... hey, where are they going...?"

"Not far, I assure you. Now, please. Lie still."

"Hey, Doc?"

"Yes?"

"I've gotta... gotta get back out there.... soon..."

"Yes well... I will see what I can do."

*******

[23 May, 233 Before Age. Interstellar Space.]

There was a small desk in the back of the star-yacht's sickbay, and Topsas positioned himself behind it while he spoke to them. As he lacked the necessary anatomy for it, he gave Zatte the chair, and she sat next to the nearest bed, with Luffa in it. Despite Luffa's objections, Zatte held her hand while he gave them an update on Luffa's condition.

He had repaired the most serious injuries, and she was in no immediate danger. One of her lungs had been punctured, and there had been a hairline fracture on her skull, and a few other life-threatening issues. That still left a lot of smaller ones that could worsen if they weren't treated properly. The young women looked at him eagerly, hoping for some quick answer that would allow them to get on with their lives. Being an arachnoid life form, he wasn't completely familiar with humanoid body language, but he had seen their faces on thousands of patients over the years, all silently pleading for him to tell them how long it would take to return their lives to normal. At times, he felt like a judge sentencing a convicted criminal.

"Two months of stasis," he began. "That is my first and most robust recommendation. You will be sedated and kept in a bio-regenerative chamber to promote proper healing. I would take you out of the chamber for an examination, and if all goes as expected, we could begin localized therapies on the damaged tendons."

"Two months?" Luffa gasped.

"In stasis?" Zatte said.

"Let me be clear,that would be a total of sixty days of unconsciousness," Topsas said. "That time need not be consecutive. Many patients do this for a few days at a time, coming out of the chamber to attend to personal affairs, be with their families, and so forth. But since your personal affairs always seem to involve extreme violence, I believe it would be best to keep you under until the treatment is complete. Better sixty days in a row than a hundred or more in and out of the chamber."

"Doc, the whole war could change in sixty days," Luffa said. "If you take me out of circulation that long, it could--"

"Ah-ah! Let me finish that sentence for you. If I were to take you out of 'circulation' for that long, it could prevent your enemies from taking you out of the war permanently. Where would your Federation be then?"

"He's right, Luffa," Zatte said. "If you keep throwing yourself into these battles, you're just going to get worse. You'd be playing right into their hands. You knew it from the beginning."

"Yeah. Yeah, I know," Luffa said. "Look, I'm sorry. To both of you. I said I'd try to pace myself, and I really did try. But these attacks keep on coming, and every time I try to let someone else handle it, people get killed. I can't just stand back and watch... I mean, I know I have to, but..."

She screwed her eyes tightly, as though fighting back tears. When she opened them again, it was clear that she had failed. "I can still do more," she said. "I feel like crap, but I still have so much power that I can tap into. More than enough to make a difference out there. How can I stand by while people out there need that kind of help?"

"Luffa, some would say you have done more than enough already," Topsas said. "No one is asking you to resign from the war altogether. You mustn't feel obligated to risk your own health and safety like this. Not for persons you don't even know."

"Why not? It's what you would do," Luffa said.

"I?" Topsas thought she was joking. "You must have me mistaken with some eight-legged war hero. Perhaps a fantasy creature from one of the tales of your ancestors."

"Your modesty is sickening sometimes, you know that?" she said with a frown. "You remember the Tikosi planet, don't you? Because I sure as hell can't forget it."

"I don't see what that unpleasantness has to do with--"

"You rescued me... you barely knew anything about me, but Keda went to you for help and..."

"Merely keeping tabs on a patient," Topsas said. "I had used a considerable amount of webbing to stitch you back together, and I could hardly let that go to waste--"

As he said this, the gentle tone that represented Luffa's pulse began to speed up. Other readouts of her vital signs began to fluctuate. She began to breathe harder. Zatte tried to calm her down, and Luffa pulled her hand away from hers. And just when Topsas was about to move to check on her, she spoke again.

"I know... we don't talk about that day very much around here," Luffa finally said. "And that's mostly because of me. I was weak, and I have to live with the consequences of that weakness. But when it was all over, I turned into that thing for the first time, and I didn't know if I could turn it off, and you reached out to me, offering to help. I think that might be the bravest thing I've ever seen, and I refuse to listen to you brush it off like it doesn't matter. It matters to me. It matters a lot."

He didn't know how to answer that, and it was clear that she had nothing else to say. At last, it was Zatte who spoke. "Luffa, you've got to listen to Dr. Topsas. You can't go on like this. And if he had a better way, don't you think he would tell us?"

She looked at Zatte, then back at Topsas, and then turned her head away. "How soon can we start?" she grumbled.

"Today, if you wish," Topsas said. "I had the necessary equipment loaded on the ship while you were away."

"Hold on," Zatte said. "If we're doing this, we need to figure out where to take the ship while Luffa's under. We'll be vulnerable in the meantime, and if we set down on an inhabited world, we'll risk getting caught in an invasion."

This was not unexpected from her. Zatte came from a survivalist culture, and her she saw nearly everything as an arrangement of threats and safeguards. She was somewhat extreme in her thinking, but in this case her beliefs all converged on the most sensible course of action. She was certain that Luffa was destine to do good for the universe, which meant that Luffa had to be protected until she was healthy enough to resume that work. "Very well. I suggest you and Ms. Dotz devise up with an itinerary," he said. "I can sedate Luffa as soon as you feel it's safe."

"There's an asteroid field in the Pillimede System," Zatte said to Luffa. "We'll start there, and if Dotz doesn't foresee anyone following us, we can do a silent running for a few weeks." She stood up to leave. "I'll come see you before you go under, okay?"

"All right," Luffa said. "Just... all right. Let's get this over with." As soon as Zatte left sickbay, Luffa leaned back in her bed and let out a despondent sigh.

"I know this is difficult for you," Topsas said.

"It doesn't matter," Luffa said. "It's the only way, right? Sorry I blew up at you. If you don't want to brag about what you've done for me, that's none of my business. I just wish you saw yourself the way I see you."

"Ah, and that is my burden, little mammal," he said. Ambling over the desk, he crossed over to her bedside and began tucking her in. "With eight eyes, I have more than enough to see my flaws, as well as my strengths."

"Huh. Maybe you can see better than me, but the rest of my senses are pretty sharp. Maybe it's a matter of smell."

Eventually she drifted off to sleep, leaving Topsas to consider everything they had discussed. Later, he checked an experiment he was running on some tissue samples, and spent the rest of the afternoon monitoring Luffa's vital signs, while he wondered if he was doing the right thing.

********

[26 May, 233 Before Age. Pillimede Asteroid Belt.]

Zatte was true to her word, and when she was satisfied that the ship would be safely removed from combat, she returned to Luffa's side as Dr. Topsas placed her in the eight-foot-long chamber which would be used for the procedure. The equipment was somewhat bulky, but since there were only four of them on board, Topsas wasn't concerned about the space it took up in sickbay. He simply moved the beds away from one wall and placed the chamber on the deck. Once Luffa was inside, he filled with with a blue liquid commonly referred to as "stasis fluid". This was designed to not only surround the patient with the regenerative drugs he planned to use, but it would also sustain Luffa's metabolism while she lay in the chamber. Once she was sedated, the fluid was allowed to fill her lungs, as it contained oxygen-saturated perfluorocarbons. Topsas then went to the desk, where he began reviewing biofeedback data relayed from the chamber's sensors. Zatte knelt down beside the chamber for the next hour or so, before she finally stood up to leave.

"Sixty days of this," she said aloud.

"I do not wish to give you false hope," Topsas said, "but it is possible that she may fully recover sooner than expected. I will keep you informed, of course."

Zatte looked down at the chamber. "It shouldn't be like this," she said. "She should be out there, fulfilling her destiny. And I should be helping her, not just sitting around waiting for her to come out of this box."

"You are helping her," Topsas said. "It may not be glamorous, or even satisfying, but it is absolutely necessary."

"I'm sorry," Zatte said. "I don't mean to sound ungrateful, it's just that... it's not enough. It's not fair."

"I thought your species was averse to risk," he said. "Keda always spoke so highly of being careful."

"I'm not like other Dorluns, Doctor," Zatte said. "And Keda wasn't being careful when she died. She saved my life."

"Of course."

"She never really saw Luffa the way I do, as a xan-nil'Dor, but I like to think that maybe Keda realized it at the very end. Either way, I think Luffa inspired her more than she wanted to admit. Well, Luffa can't do much inspiring from here, I guess."

She excused herself to check on the ship's systems, and Topsas thought he would welcome the silence. He did not. The gentle chirps of the biofeedback readouts only reminded him of the responsibility he now shouldered. And sooner or later, she would return, and the dilemma would follow. He had no consolation he could offer. Part of him wanted to tell her about the test results, but what good would that do? There were far too many unknowns to consider. He thought that Zatte of all people would appreciate that, but no. It seemed Luffa's wife would welcome a bit of risk if it meant getting her back on her feet.

Later, he checked his messages, and found that one of his children had attempted to contact him a few days ago. The terminal on his desk allowed him access to the subspace radio, and Zatte's encryption codes allowed him to send a message with little chance of it being intercepted or traced. Within minutes, he was looking at one of his own kind, though younger, and with a browner coloration.

"Dad," he said.

"Turner. This is something of a surprise," Topsas said. How are you, son?"

"I'll feel a lot better once you're out of Federation Space," Turner said. "There's a war on, or hadn't you noticed?"

"Now that you mention it, I had begun to suspect as much."

"I'm sending a ship to Woshad. I had to pull some strings to get it across the border, but I know some people, and the captain owes me a favor. They'll arrive next week. That should give you time to get to Woshad and get on board."

"Whatever for, son?"

Turner regarded him through the viewscreen and tensed his pedipalps in exasperation. "I'm trying to get you out of there, dad. Please, just get on the ship. Or if you've got some other travel arrangements, we can set up a rendezvous somewhere else. Just tell me when and where and we'll work it out."

"I'm afraid I can't leave at this time," he said. "I have a patient who needs me."

"Luffa," he groaned.

"You know I'm not at liberty to discuss--"

"Oh, come on, dad," Turner said. "It's the Federation, the one she founded, and you haven't stopped talking about that mammal since you gave up your practice on Plutark VII. And you know, for a while I was grateful to her for pulling you away from the Deathmatches, but now you've followed her into something a thousand times worse."

"It is hardly like that at all--"

"Then tell me what it is," Turner insisted. "Tell me why the almighty Federation needs Dr. Topsas to play medic in their warzone."

"She is badly hurt," Topsas explained. "The fighting has been very fierce, and if I do not mend her injuries from time to time, it could jeopardize countless lives."

"And they need you for that? You're telling me that you're the only qualified doctor in the entire Federation who can work on her?"

"I am the best qualified," Topsas countered. "Honestly, very few doctors are familiar at all with Saiyan medicine. And Luffa is a unique specimen among a unique species."

"And that justifies you running around in the middle of a war? Where are you right now?"

"I'd prefer not to answer that at this time," Topsas said. "It's not that I don't trust you, son, but if the enemy were to intercept and decode this message, they might find out--"

"Wonderful. Wonderful," Turner groaned. "So it's a matter of national security, is it? Should I contact the Federation Embassy, then?"

"I doubt they even know of my involvement," Topsas replied. "My presence here is somewhat unofficial. I've been told that my modesty is rather 'sickening'. Perhaps I should have requested a field promotion..."

"Enough! Dad, I've had all I can stand! Listen to me, you're not even a Federation citizen. This isn't your war!"

"She is my patient," Topsas argued.

"So what, then? You'll follow her until she dies?! Until you die?! Do you even care what that means?"

"Turner, please calm down," Topsas pleaded. "I appreciate that you are upset, but--"

"I'm upset because you care more about that Saiyan than your own family! Chelik and Lister called me, you know. They never call, but they heard about this war and no one had heard from you in weeks, and sure enough the last letter you sent was from Federation coordinates, just like before!"

"I assure you, son, I am quite safe here. If you like, I can contact Chelik, Lister, and the others to make certain they understand."

"Oh, they understand just fine, dad," Turner said. "That's why they called me. Because that's how this family works. Someone does something reckless or stupid, and then it's time to call in Turner to fix it. And why not? I've got Turner Polymer Industries, and all the resources that go with it. I can just hire a ship to go into a war zone and fetch you, no trouble at all. It's not like I have any problems of my own to worry about!"

"Son, if you need my help..."

"What I need is my father to stop running off on these ridiculous adventures!" Turner thundered. "I need you to listen to me, just once. Just once, and do the sensible thing." He held up one finger on one of his forelimbs as he said this. Topsas could see the desperation in his eyes very clearly.

"I promise you that I won't take any undue risks, Turner," he said. "I have friends here who are very careful about this sort of thing. But I must ask you to understand. I cannot leave just yet. There is simply too much at stake."

"This is about Nwitt, isn't it?"

"I beg your pardon?"

Turner drew a short breath before continuing. "I know it was hard for you. It was hard for all of us. Ninth Eye, she was my sister! I miss her every day. We all do. But ever since she died, you've been getting mixed up with these lost causes, trying to save people that just aren't worth it! And maybe I should admire that. I've tried to, believe me. But I can't. If it's selfish of me, then I'm selfish, but I just want my father to come home and stay alive."

The words bothered him more than he liked to admit. "Son, I cannot just abandon others in their time of need. I swore an oath, and besides, we have a higher duty to people like Luffa. We have too many eyes to look away, and too many hands not to--"

"I know all that!" Turner said, very nearly shouting. "I read the Scriptures too, you know! I know Nwitt's in the heavenly web, and that one day we'll all be there to join her, and that we have to help where we can, but not this, dammit! If she were here, do you really think she'd want you to throw your life away like this?"

"I'll be all right, son," Topsas said. This was the most he had spoken with him in some time. Turner was normally so reserved, so quiet, ever the picture of the successful entrepreneur. And Turner had been angry with him before, but never quite like this. He regretted that he had caused his son such anguish, though he didn't fully understand how. He wished he knew some way to convince him.

"Yeah. Yeah, you'll be fine, probably," Turner muttered. "But what about next time, and the next? One of these days you'll go somewhere that even I can't get you out of. All for some 'Super Saiyan' I've never even met. And when the law of averages finally catches up to you? Well, I guess I'm just supposed to suck it up and pretend it doesn't bother me."

"I'm sorry," was all Topsas knew to say. It didn't seem to be enough. Turner had been an adult for a very long time. All of his children had grown up ages ago. Suddenly, Turner looked very much to him the way he did as a child, inconsolable over something that most would call trivial, but Topsas always knew meant the world to him.

"I don't want you to be sorry," Turner said, his voice now low and weary. "I just want you to get on that transport next week. Just come home, dad. Please. I don't want Luffa to suffer, or anyone else but... please. Just get on the transport."

"Turner, I--"

Turner looked somewhat embarrassed now, either by his outburst, or his pleas, or the emotions that had motivated them. "I have to go," he said. "I... Well, I've already said what I have to say. Just... I have to go."

And with that, he closed the transmission, leaving Dr. Topsas looking at his own reflection in the viewscreen.

*******

[28 May, 233 Before Age. Pillimede Asteroid Belt.]

"Am I doing the right thing?" Dr. Topsas asked. It was a loaded question, kept purposely vague, but he asked it over breakfast, as casually as one might ask for another glass of juice.

Dotz looked at him, and her eyes widened with anxiety. "Er, um... yes? I don't... well..."

She was a humanoid, middle-aged, with brown hair that was well on its way to grey. She claimed to have an ancestor of the Kanassan species, though Topsas had found no physiological evidence to support this, aside from her clairvoyant abilities, which could have been entirely coincidental. Taller and heavier than Luffa and Zatte, Dotz was far meeker, and it seemed that she was always pulling her arms close to herself and stooping her head, as though she was worried about taking up too much space. Her loose muave garments seemed designed to conceal herself further, and she was always adjusting her shawl like it was showing too much of the sides of her face.

"I'm speaking of the treatment I prescribed for Luffa," he explained. "I can't help but wonder if this is the right course of action."

"Well, I'm no doctor," Dotz said. "I'm sure whatever you've decided is the best. I know you've taken very good care of me since I got here."

"No, that's not..." Topsas paused and collected himself before continuing. "You've made some very accurate predictions, from what I understand. About the war."

"Oh, well... I didn't catch those Zoons attacking Zerkus III," Dotz said regretfully. "Luffa said it was okay, but I can't help but feel responsible for what she's going through right now."

"Yes, but the battles you have forseen have all come to pass," Topsas reminded her. "Luffa has spoken very highly of your talents, though I am at a loss to explain them. What I'm wondering is whether you've seen any major combat in the next two months. Something that only Luffa would be able to handle."

"Well, uh, you should really talk to Zatte about that," Dotz said. "There are battles going on all over the Federation border. She's been keeping track of them all, so we'll know where Luffa will be needed when she's ready."

"Yes but--!" Topsas steadied himself. It wasn't Dotz' fault that she wasn't understanding what he needed. She was only trying to be helpful in her own, unassuming way. "I don't wish to trouble Ms. Zatte," he explained. "I have just been having... second thoughts. I was hoping that you might be able to predict whether my decisions will turn out for good or ill."

"Oh, you want a reading," Dotz said. "I'll need to look at your palm for that."

"Fortunately, I am well-supplied in that regard," Topsas said as he extended one of his forward limbs across the table for Dotz to examine. It was supposed to be a joke to lighten the mood. He thought humanoids were easily amused by the notion that he had so many hands and eyes, but Dotz didn't seem to notice what he had said. She simply took his hand and cradled it in her own, staring at it like a jeweler inspecting a diamond. While he waited, Topsas resumed eating with his other hands.

"You'll be going on a journey soon," Dotz said.

"That is rather self-evident," Topsas replied. "As I am on board a starship, and travel is inevitable."

"Mm-hmm. Family trouble. They're upset, but they aren't angry with you, just worried. And you'll be fine. One day they'll see that."

"Yes, well, that was hardly what I needed to--"

"In the end... oh, it looks like your wishes will come true. I wonder what that could mean. It sounds like a very happy way to die."

"Yes, but I have more immediate concerns," Topsas said. "The war. How long will it take for Luffa to recover? How many will die during that time? How many deaths could be prevented. You can see this, can't you?"

Dotz looked up at his face and shook her head. "I can't forsee Luffa's fate at all. I think that's why I missed the Zoon attack, because I was, uh, looking for visions of Saiyans in general. I should have been checking for Federation planets, but there's so many of them that it's hard to follow all of them."

"Are you saying that you can predict certain battles, but not whether Luffa will participate in them personally?"

"Uh, well, yes, that's right. And I can't always get the details right. Luffa's told me that sometimes there's more enemies on a planet than I predicted. Sometimes less. I can usually get the date right, but not always the exact hour. But she likes it that way. It makes things 'interesting', is the way she put it."

"Then you have no idea how long it will take her to recover," Topsas groaned. "Or whether I end up using some other treatment."

"Of course I know that, Doctor," Dotz said innocently. "You said it would take about sixty days, didn't you? And what other treatment could there be?"

"What indeed?" Topsas said. He began scraping sauce from the bottom of his bowl, determined not to look her in the eye.

"Something about meeting Luffa increased my psychic abilities," Dotz said, "but they still have, um, limitations. I learned a long time ago that there's a lot you can predict just by paying attention to the present. And I know you're a good doctor, and that you put your patients' welfare first. I don't need to look into the future to know that you'll do the right thing."

She stood up and started gathering their dishes. "Here, let me get those for you. You probably want to go back to sickbay to check on Luffa. Tell her I said hi. Not that... I mean, she probably wouldn't hear you, right? Unless she can hear people while she's asleep? I don't know all her powers."

Topsas handed off his bowl and steepled some of his fingers. He had just run out of people to talk to.

NEXT: Second Opinion

#dragon ball #fanfiction #super saiyan #lssjluffafic #luffa #zatte #dr topsas #dotz

[jishua-moved]

We’ve come to the end of 2017, my precious flowers (or should I said diamonds? 👀) Anyway. I’ll be honest with you and say that 2017 was one hell of a year for me. I’ve been through a lot. I’ve lost important people to me but found a lot of other people who were kinder; I’ve had relationships crumble and watched them come together again; I’ve fallen and gotten back up again multiple times and through everything, I eventually came out stronger. I really couldn’t have done it without the support that I got from a lot of you. Most of you guys honestly held me together when I was at my worst and I thank you for that from the bottom of my heart. I hope that in 2018 our friendships will continue and grow stronger. I love you all so much ♡ So here is a thank you...

Mind that this might get hella long, so if you’d like just Ctrl + F and find your username. This isn’t alphabetically sorted bcuz my motivation died with the follow forever.

@gamegirlhorror Tiffany. Honestly, the sheer amount of support and love that I’ve received from you is more than enough to fill the entire universe (that is constantly expanding, mind you.) I love you SO much! I can’t believe it’s been so long since we’ve known each other. Like, it blows my mind. I still remember following you only because I thought your icon of pyramid head was cute lol and I still remember you being neongreenraver :,) There isn’t a moment that goes by where I don’t miss our skype sessions and constant talks but the fact that you’re out there earning and working towards a better life makes me feel content. I love how no matter how busy you are you always find time to listen to my shit even though I know you have a lot of your own. You always put me first and I will never be able to thank you enough for that. There’s a lot more I would say but this is getting long rip. I love you, my princess peach, I love you so very much. 💚

@wonnwoo Rina. It hasn’t even been a year since we’ve met and yet we became one of the closest people to each other. You really are my Ohana hah :,) I want to thank you for sticking with me through thick and thin and helping me get up on my feet when I was at my worst, even if it meant scolding me. I appreciate every word and ounce of effort you put into this relationship. Thank you for showing me a different perspective of every situation and thank you for trusting me with so many things. You were never a shitty friend to me, not once. You are a friend I will always treasure and someone I will be there for as much as I can. Here’s to many more years of friendship, bby. I love you! 💝

@baekbyun Doro. My sissy, my chucci, my meme child LOL. You angel. I’ve never told you this but you’ve taught me a lot of things without even realizing it. You’ve taught me to be kinder and more patient, to be tougher and to be more positive. Truly, I strive to be kinder, like you. It hasn’t been that long and we’ve already been through a lot. I thank you so much for sticking with me through the good and bad times, for listening to me always, for never taking sides and being rational, for keeping my secrets and helping me get through different situations, for being someone with whom I could be myself with and being someone I could trust. I look forward to the day I finally get to see you, give you a big hug and roll my eyes while you dab as we go get two different pizzas cuz u a pineapple hater :P I love you, sissy. 💖

@kihyuns Cass. My smol genius as I would call you lol but it doesn’t seem like it fits anymore because over the course of this year you’ve grown a lot in my eyes. I still remember you before graduation and how worried you were about college, etc and look at you now! It was a pleasure being your friend through graduation, etc. We’ve been through a shitton over a short time but I’m glad we chose to stick together and work it out despite our differences. You’re just as stubborn and feisty as I am so it’s only normal that we clash sometimes. Nevertheless, I always enjoy our talks no matter how small and insignificant! I love your humor and how you’re ready to “block” everyone xD I love how we’re both so into SpongeBob we can sing every song backwards LOL. I look forward to many more years of humorous friendship. Love you, nerd 💛

@mnanvg Moon. My lovely Moon, you’re such a soft human being it warms my heart. The amount of love you radiate is incredible and I appreciate it more than I ever told you. Thank you for never hesitating to remind me how much you love me, how good of a friend I am, how much I should love myself, etc. Thank you for the endless, wordless support. We don’t talk much and yet I’ve never felt like you’re a bad friend for lack of communication.  On the contrary, you can show me how much you care by sending me a few posts. I wish you all the best, sweetheart. I look forward to seeing you grow stronger and achieve your dreams. I love you 💗

@tookorean Jackie. (I realize that you’re not active on tumblr anymore but I couldn’t not include you.) My completely opposite, my female Woozi & so many others things to me. You know how much you mean to me but no matter how many times I say it I won’t be able to truly express it. When I first met you I never imagined that our friendship would go on for this long and that we would go through a lot over a short time. I truly, from the bottom of my heart thank you for sticking with me no matter what and being patient with me and caring for me even though I’ve been...well, a mess. I remember a moment from back when we first became friends and you’d talk about your Totoro onesie. I’d made a post that I was crying over Vernon (lol) and you’d replied with “Baby don’t cryyyyyy tonight” and proceeded to try and cheer me up, telling me you loved me and telling me how it was okay for me to cry on your onesie... Those little moments are something I’ll cherish forever. I want us to stay friends for a long, long time, honestly. I hope we can pull through, fam. I love you so much 💙

@hansolmates Cami. Mah Cami baby, my sol ~ I just realized it’s been over a year since we became friends (aka bonded over your hansolmates fic heheh.) I still remember reading it the 1st time and thinking “omg PISTACHIO ICECREAM” lmao and ofc I remember binge-reading all your Vernon fics cuz I biased AF back then (istg i still love my boy). OMG remember when we lowkey declared war on each other for Vernon? Wow. Good times lol. I want to thank you for helping me with writing and inspiring me. I want to thank you for never judging me for my feelings and supporting me, fangirling with me and being easy going which made me feel like i could tell you anything. Thank you for being a sweetheart to me and being my Sol :,) Here’s to another year of our wonderful friendship! Love you, bby 💜

@daihun Jess. My video game buddy and cry buddy :,D I never thought I’d be able to find a person who loves k-pop and video games as much as I do (especially the same videos games wow.) I have so much fun talking to you on a daily basis! Thank you for sending me Joshua pics and sharing video game jokes with me. I remember, before we started talking, I’d relate to your posts so much and your aesthetic was A+ so I was like “I’ve gotta talk to her sometime” and I’m glad we finally did. I would love to get to know you better & I LOOK FORWARD TO THE DAY WE GET TO PLAY TOGETHER T^T I love you ❤️ I gUeSs 👀😂

@joshpup Hannah. MY NU’EST HYPE BUDDY! I’m so glad we have Joshua and Nu’est to scream over tbh. It’s a perfect combination! I’ve had so much fun talking to you for this short time and I hope we can talk even more in the future! I love how we both caved in and bought signed Nu’est albums cuz #SUPPORT ammrite?! And how we cried when they got their first win omg. Good times, good times! I look forward to sharing more tears with you over Joshua and Nu’est LOL. Did I tell you I’m in love with your art? bcuz i am, yes, yes! KEEP ON ART-ING! I love ya! 💞 

@boovely Cathy. Girl, it hasn’t been long at all but look at us having a streak on snapchat already lol. Honestly, you’re the only person who I have a solid streak with. I’ll shut up about streaks now. Thank you for being the #1 fan of my zodiac gfx haha~ I love how we bonded over that. Svt does indeed bring people together! It’s been fun talking to you and seeing your lovely face on a daily basis :D I look forward to skyping you sometime and I hope to see you back on tumblr as well. Thank you for being my friend! I love you 💓

@verngyu Dee. My fellow Capricorn! It’s been fun talking to you. I like how I can talk to you about certain things without thinking twice because I know you won’t judge me, and you know what I mean by certain things. I like how caring you can be and I hope you stay that way. I look forward to seeing you grow and I wish you all the best, truly. This sounds like a goodbye letter omg lol I’m sorry! Here’s to a new year of growing together, mentally and physically xD Love you 💜

@vitaminniedk Viv. My sunshine :,) You’re legit a walking ray of sunlight I cannot. You’re so sweet and kind, bless you. It’s been a pleasure being your friend. I would honestly love to talk to you more~ I know I can be super awkward sometimes excuse me ^^’ but I enjoy our talks nevertheless! I remember when we spent a couple hours watching going svt on youtube in the summer haha. I enjoyed that! Here’s to a new year of friendship. Love you, sunshine 💛

@wooziology Isabelle. My Potato 🥔 (that is literally the title I have for you on my sc LOL.) Your love for Woozi could beat world hunger, just sayin’. Thanks for being my friend and my potato ahaha. I enjoyed our skype session very much and I hope we can have another one soon! I love seeing your snaps on a daily basis :D And omg it’s been so long since I heard you sing. Where’s Isabelle’s 1st studio album? GET IT *sends a letter to Woozi* make it happen. Love you! 💞

I just want to say, if you’re not included, don’t feel discouraged because I will most likely come to you in private and tell you everything 1 on 1. To those who have really been my friends and stuck with me, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Friendships mean a lot to me, and those closest to me know that very well. Thank you once again! Here’s to a better next year!  

#i gave up on re-reading this because i've been working on it for like 3 days #i feel bad for not including some #but at the same time it doesn't mean i don't appreciate everyone #i honestly love all of you so much #thank you for being such warm ppl to me #ok i've gotten sappy enough #let me just post this and be done with 2017 #mentally done with 2017 istg #friends #2k17 thank you post #tiff #cass #doro #rina #jackie #dee #jess #hannah #viv #isabelle #cathy #cami #moon

[fortheloveofcringe]

For the past six months I have just been on a ride where I extract the very best and worst of what I have, put it in a wall, examine what will propel me to a better future and make elaborate quick choices that taught me that life is more than just examining it. Although Socrates had said that a life unexamined is a life not worth living, I also found out that there is much freedom with a life that is just lived and not constantly questioned. I live my life wondering about the what’s and the if’s and I honestly have figured out a lot of things but none of the  stays in my head for extended periods of time. All of my realities at the very moment they are happening are shaped by my exact reaction and opinions about it and dare I say my life has been a shit mess because I’ve always pictured it as ��a shit mess. When I came to that PRIDE activity where I posed as a living book and shared my life story, I made a conscious decision about how I approach my life from that point forward. I made sure that I will never be defined by the rejections that I will face and called my book “Turning Sorry’s to Thank You’s”  kind of like a little nod to Ariana’s Thank You, Next.

 When I backtrack, I’m always sorry about being myself when I shouldn’t be. I have always felt guilty even for the things that I shouldn’t even feel guilty about (I honestly feel like anyone can frame me for murder because I would sweat a lot just by being accused.) Anyhow, it’s just how I lived I have always been my own support system, with a  sprinkle of Mom and brother’s love, but ultimately, I try my very best not rely on other people. But that’s not what I figured out this year. I figured out that there is more to life than just cracking the equation and believing yourself. Sometimes you have to make sure you talk slower, and listen harder. You have to look around, not questioning things, but making sure you absorb enough reality so that you wouldn’t make-up some scenarios in your head that you worry about for at least 5 hours later after 12 in the midnight.

 Right now, I’m glad that I’m able enough again to write this journal here on tumblr because my last post, damn, I was ready for sweet death, which by the way I am and will always be, I think that’s my edge amongst my age group. I have accomplished enough to understand that reputations and lifeways have very distinct characteristics that affect my super conscious  perception of my exact self, in a society orchestrated by government systems, traditions and religion that I have always complained about, which by the way, I should just ignore because, well, life is a heck more fun than focusing on the things I can’t actually control. There is much more power in accepting the range of your capabilities more than believing a delusion that will just upset you in the end, or have an upset stomach for in the end, as latest experience says.

 This is about my body and my mental chemistry. I have always made sure that I am not body negative or body positive, I was just neutral, like I’m not cheering for what I have and degrading what I have, I was just, I just respected what I have always had. But my recent experience about an ex who was always conscious about his macho exterior had me thinking if I needed to be macho as well to be accepted in the society. I have a full understanding that money figures are mightier than physical figures and you don’t need a hot body to be hot, you just need a perfect bank account to be a trophy, but I just figured, why can’t I have both?

 But then earlier this week I just had a run at some hospitals and it was disappointing for the first one but quite a relief for the second hospital that we went through. The first hospital had very problematic and almost scary people working on it. Here are a few things they’ve done during my stay in the emergency room:

 1.      Blasted Camila and Shawn’s Seniorita while people are dying in the E.R. talking about how concerned they are for Shawn’s social anxiety than US who are in their immediate contact.

2.      They have an off-putting way of asking questions which will make you feel like you are lying about your condition even if you can literally see blood dripping on the floor from your body.

3.      Talk bout death of other celebrities while PEOPLE ARE DYING IN FRONT OF THEM. HEY.

4.      They keep asking me as to when my mother would arrive, which translated to me at that moment as “Can your mom pick you up, we don’t want to serve a lot of people here.”

5.      HAD SNACKS AND ALL TYPE OF SHIT FOOD IN THE E.R.

6.      One of the witchy Doctors was just so bitchy she had to remind my mom later in the evening in a very SARCASTIC WAY when we returned that I refused to be confined in their hospital so they can’t accept us ad we have to be reffered and that such is a long LONG process (which in translation is, we can’t serve you). WELL OF COURSE I REFUSED TO BE CONFINED BECAUSE I’M CRAZY AND I WANT TO DIE. She  needs to know that I refused because I have observed them well enough specially with their very unwelcoming way of handling patients that I can’t put my self under their care.

7.      Puncture my body twice for IV after making an error in my vein. Nothing too concerning.

8.      The same witch Doctor said these things on the course of my stay: “I’m gonna die in this place” “People can’t demand quality service from us because we don’t get quality service ourselves. Even us doctors have to get in lines and shit.” “I feel sorry for Shawn Mendes for having social Anxiety.”

 Now the second hospital I gotta make sure that when I become successful, I have to donate equipment in their facilities because they did me a solid. RTR hospital is the best. It was a choice of which hospital was nearest and both where nearby. So anyway, this hospital did me a solid. Here are a few things they’ve done:

 1.      Ran a helpful assessment to my condition with careful tones acknowledging the fact that there was something wrong with me as opposed to the other hospital which assumed stuff.

2.      Reviewed my medical history CAREFULLY.

3.      Assisted us in our laboratory tests (which was yes, recommended by the other hospital but damn they were just so ready to kick us out that I wasn’t feeling staying for laboratories in their facility for that long.)

4.      Reviewed my prescribed medicines and filled out EXACT times and dates for intake WITHOUT RAISING EYEBROWS.

5.      Allowed us to ask questions and responded without being sarcastic. Professional Vibes only.

6.      Compared to the other hospital, they were able to NAME what was wrong with me which was actually Abdominal Discomfort. Damn I have been waiting for that. I just wanted to know what’s wrong with my body.

7.      Compared to the other hospital, they were serving a lot of patients that night (the other one was just serving at lest three people and their doctors are already shouting I’d ie in here!” not to mention they have high tech equipment and a full nurse force) and they still remained calm and helpful.

8.      They pretty much had an awesome Doctor and Nurse force that night, shoutout to the hand some nurse who I kept taking a peek at when I was looking like a bag of shit on the E.R. bed, I guess flirting doesn’t have a time.

9.      I was fixed. I mean thank God I’m making this right now because of them

 Ultimately what I want you to take from this is that everything is a reciprocation. If you’re a doctor or a nurse who cusses out, rejects people or whatever, your gonna get the same rejection from your patients. If you give out hate, you receive hate, if your give out lies, you receive lies, I think that should be a golden rule in everything that we do. If you harbour negative energy, that same energy will whip you right back because when we came to that first hospital I remember giving the doctor who spoke to my mom in a very pointed tone the death stare after she gave me a left eyebrow. Anyway.

 Also, if you do good to other people good stuff will come back to you. now I do pledge that if I make my first million from my youtube account, I’m going to donate some equipment to RTR hospital for saving me. I went home that evening feeling like angels carried me home even if I was limping from a bad stomach.

 What I’m trying to relay here also  from that long intro about my body is that I fucked up my body by eating less these past few months. I thought the best hack to lose weight was not to gain weight at all. The trend is intermittent fasting and boy do I say the internet is still not the most credible source for everything.

 When I broke up with my ex, I had a revenge plan of making my self look like one of the boys he was drooling endlessly for on instagram; macho muscular guys who sound like bats when they talk. Anyway, shade aside, I figured one common pattern from them. It was sourced from a deep form of social anxiety that they rip and shred their bodies from pimple insuding protein shakes and rigid muscle enhancing work-outs just so they would feel accepted, and I get it, there is nothing more hot than being objectified by a low life as what they say, but it just didn’t feel right to me that I would shave off the outside just so I could start shaving in the inside. But I still tried. No harm on that, well there is. When it’s done in the wrong way.

 I got sent to a hospital for abdominal discomfort from a very weird diet. I eat, I don’t eat, then I do something which I will call, “tickle my throat” but not in a sexual way, more like a very bad idea of making sure I don’t gain weight by having a controlled mechanic of what stays in my body and what goes out. Some people call it bulimia, I call it being a master of my own universe.

 SO I tried that, and again, it just didn’t seem right. The food I was wasting, or the food I was holding myself back from enjoying. The stupid videos I watch on Youtube about how to be a perfect human wasn’t striking a cord. One of my instructors and ex-classmates have notified my that my ex was looking shredded lately and boy I just wanted to punch them. I didn’t need that. I need no reminder of how I’m failing in the body department. I get it.

 But looking from a Google Earth view, this is what I came to see.

 I saw myself changing my way of interpreting new information. Everything is suddenly a mind exercise on how I would react to a certain info and acknowledging my behaviour about it. Now this is much more important to me more than just having a hot body. New information became new habits.

 I can’t elaborate on how I do it, some of us have a distinct and unique way of mastering our soul lessons but right now, I’m just very happy with how I can look at myself in the mirror and say, I love and accept you exactly as you are.

 There is no baggage of doubt or whatsoever. It’s like I finally ran out of excuses not to love myself and everything is just a growth opportunity. All I can say is wherever you are, I want to remind you that our lives are programmed in way for us to combat in peacefully. We have to have that internal battle so that we can manifest it in our outside world. Because people think it’s the other way around.

 When really, the glow is from within.

#2019 in 6 months

[warriorgoddesswriting]

How to Help a Loved One Who Is Chronically Ill

I’ve posted before about things not to say to someone who is chronically ill, but I’ve never provided a list of ways to help them and I feel that would be, well, helpful! It’s got to be difficult to watch someone you love suffer from something as consuming as chronic illness, so here are some things that I’ve found most helpful:

1. Be there - It’s as simple as it sounds. We sometimes feel overly needy when we ask for anything because we need help so often that we worry we’re a burden. It’s extremely helpful to be reminded (and reminded often!) that you’re there for us anytime and that we don’t burden you. We know that it’s got to be difficult to deal with the constant fluctuation in our health, but we need someone that can prove to us that they mean it when they say they’ll always be there for us; we need that consistency in our lives!

2. Ask how we’re really doing and be prepared for the answer - Those of us with chronic illnesses are also brilliant actors and actresses (or chronic liars, depending on how you look at it haha). We assume, and usually correctly, that people don’t really want to hear how we’re really doing when they ask it’s just a nicety. Ask how we’re doing and we’re always “okay” or “getting by,” when in reality we’re likely screaming in our heads “I’M MISERABLE” or thinking about how we spent last night in the emergency room but are back at work smiling today! So be persistent and make it clear that you want the truth! We always appreciate this, as small a gesture as it may be.

3. Listen - Often times acquaintances (and sadly sometimes people close to us) think they know what’s going on in our bodies better than we do. I think they typically mean well, but the way people go about trying to help is just all wrong and it’s usually because they think they know what’s best and don’t listen to what we tell them (see my post “Just Don’t” about things that are particularly infuriating and obnoxiously common to hear as someone with a chronic illness). Which leads to my next suggestion...

4. Ask questions - We actually really appreciate it when people close to us ask questions (well, at least I do but I don’t want to speak for everyone)! It shows us that you respect us enough to listen and not assume that you know everything about what’s going on. It also shows that you care enough to want to learn more. 

5. Read a little about our conditions - Pretty self-explanatory. It’s a little thing but it helps us because it shows you care and took a little extra time out of your day to learn about something very important to us.

6. Don’t worry about fixing things - I think loved ones often feel helpless when watching someone they love suffer (duh, right?) and they want to fix the problem causing the suffering. Unfortunately, with chronic illness there is no quick fix. Given that we don’t even really know how to fix it ourselves, we would never expect you to fix it! Trust that we’re constantly trying new things and doing all that we can to get better. I guarantee that is the case. So don’t worry about searching for “the cure.” The thought and effort is so appreciated, but in the end, I think it’s actually more helpful just to put more time and effort into these kinds of suggestions here than it is to keep searching for ways to fix an unfixable problem.

7. Believe us - Please please please don’t doubt what we share with you. It is so difficult to be vulnerable and share such personal details of your life with someone and it’s soul-crushing to not be believed. Trust us, we would know from experience, be it with doctors, family, friends, significant others, and the list goes on. We already hide at least half our symptoms at least half of the time, often for the very reason that we’re afraid of being doubted, so if we choose to divulge something, it’s really affecting us. Know that.

8. Try not to assume things about our mental state or our pain level even on days that we’re out and about - There are some (okay, lots of) days where I force myself out of bed and out of the house when I’m in pain and depressed and/or anxious. That’s quite simply because I am in pain every day and depressed and/or anxious more often than not so if I didn’t force myself I would do absolutely nothing. So while I appreciate the thought behind saying I look like I’m feeling better, know that it’s all a carefully crafted illusion created by lipstick and lots and lots of caffeine. This is important because I think the thing that creates the most doubt in people’s minds about my illness is my appearance and my ability to do some things. I can do things but know that I pay for everything I do later in added pain and symptoms. My symptoms can also vary not only day to day but hour to hour, which makes planning difficult and can be confusing when I can’t do what I just did this morning by the afternoon. I try to have as normal a life as I can because, well, who wants to be sick all the time? But that seems to be really confusing to people (which is completely understandable because it’s difficult for me and it’s my life!). So just try to remember that while I’m trying my hardest to have fun and appear normal, I still have my limitations and may still need some help even on “good days.”

9. Express how you’re truly feeling - It’s actually comforting to me when people have told me that they’re scared or worried about me, which may sound strange, but it makes me feel a lot less alone. So if you’re scared or uncomfortable or something like that please don’t be afraid to tell us! One of the things I’ve been forced to learn from being sick has been to be more vulnerable and that being vulnerable, while still scary, isn’t a bad thing. I feel that actually saying exactly what I’m feeling even when it’s something like fear or discomfort makes my relationships a lot more open and meaningful. So please share your viewpoint with us!

10. Try to be patient with us - Getting frustrated with us is understandable at times, but please remember that we’re even more frustrated with ourselves. Try to be patient when we need extra help or can’t go out again. Think about how we must feel already: like a burden, like a let-down, like a bad friend or family member...so it makes it a lot easier to deal with the guilt that comes as an inherent part of chronic illness when the people around us are as patient as possible.

11. Continue inviting us to things even when we often can’t attend - Like I said above, please trust me when I say that we absolutely hate having to miss out on things, and we feel extremely guilty and frustrated when we can’t go or have to cancel plans. But we love it so much when people don’t forget about us and continue inviting us even though they know we likely won’t be able to go. We still desire to feel included and remembered.

12. Encourage us - It is incredibly difficult to have hopes and dreams as someone who is chronically ill. Chronic pain truly alters your brain both chemically and structurally; it literally rewrites your brain to make you more depressed and anxious. Which, when you think about how pain makes you feel mentally, this shouldn’t come as much of a surprise. But being constantly in pain wears you down so much that it makes you feel as though you’ll never escape and that there’s no point in trying to accomplish anything. It makes you feel that you’re a failure before you even begin. It’s also extremely discouraging to go years hoping different doctors will help you, hoping different medications will help you, hoping different therapies will help you...only to have your hopes crushed almost every single time. So you kind of learn not to get your hopes up anymore. These things make it very hard to continue looking forward to the future and to follow your hopes and dreams (it makes it hard to even MAKE new hopes and dreams), which are essential parts of creating motivation to stay alive! What I’m getting at is that we crave encouragement! Whether it’s something as simple as encouraging us to keep trying a new medication, to keep going to doctors, to keep getting out of bed each day, or just to make sure we keep taking care of ourselves, that feeling of being cared about and believed in is HUGE for us. 

13. Acknowledge our victories (both big and small) - Another thing I absolutely love is when people tell me they’re proud of me. I know I sound like a 5-year-old, right? But for us getting out of bed truly is a much bigger accomplishment than you’ll ever know, and it’s hard to know that nobody understands what it takes just to do the most basic things that make up a life. To understand what life is like for people with some chronic illnesses, here are some comparisons that may help put things in perspective for healthy people: people with postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS) have their symptoms such as chest pain, trouble breathing, fluctuation in blood pressure, and tachycardia and heart palpitations compared to having congestive heart failure or chronic obstructive pulmonary disorder (COPD); many people with costochondritis (inflammation of the cartilage of the ribs, occurring as a symptom of many chronic illnesses) think they may be having a heart attack before it’s diagnosed because the pain is so severe doctors have said that a normal person would have to stay up for 3 days straight and then try to function to understand the level of fatigue typical of someone with fibromyalgia; complex regional pain syndrome (CRPS), or reflex sympathetic dystrophy (RSD) is nicknamed “the suicide disease” because the pain is so immense. And folks, one of my favorite chronic illness jokes is that chronic illnesses are like Pokemon, you gotta catch ‘em all! Most people have many comorbid chronic conditions, so imagine living with all of the above problems in one body and then trying to function. We don’t want pity, we just want awareness and acknowledgment. Really, all it takes is something as simple as saying, “I’m proud of you for making it through another day I know it was hard for you.” What we see as accomplishments may seem silly to you, but to us it feels like we conquered Mount Everest by getting out of bed. We‘re painfully aware that we don’t have as many (if any) big life achievements to celebrate so we’ve had to shift our perspectives a bit and we’d love it if you’d take part in celebrating our tiny victories with us.

14. Take care of yourself - I think this is something a lot of you forget or don’t think about (I’m especially thinking of my parents who are incredibly selfless). As the saying goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup. You can’t help us if you aren’t taking care of yourself properly. This is also a good time to point out that our relationship with you is still a relationship regardless of us being sick, which means we’re here to help you, too! It feels great for us to be the ones helping out others. Remember that taking care of yourself is a necessity and is not selfish in any way. 

These may seem like small, simple suggestions, but it’s these little gestures that have meant the most to me. It’s a difficult thing, to maintain a relationship with someone who has a chronic illness, but I think the struggles that are faced make these relationships something stronger and more essential than a lot of relationships that have not been tested by something as demanding as chronic illness. It’s by no means easy and it’s not something everyone can handle, but I hope that the unique challenges chronic illness brings may help you come to appreciate your loved ones and your life even more, as they have for me.

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