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#gotta love the early silent movie version of stuffs
happyheidi · 2 years
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Alice in wonderland (1903)
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fics-n-stuff · 3 years
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Affluenza | Pt2
Pairing: JJ × Kook!Reader
Summary: Y/N celebrates her birthday with a party that she didn't want to throw and finds out a sad truth about the boy that's not quite her boyfriend, but being in each other's company makes things at least a little better.
Warnings: Mentions of abuse and descriptions of injury, reference to drugs
Word Count: 3.5k
A/N: I'm so happy that so many people liked pt1!! It means the absolute world to me that people are reading and enjoying my work 🥰 Pt3 might take a little longer to get out, but I'll try to post it asap.
Taglist: @alotbnouf @fairypitou @305weasley @thecraziestcrayon @sofamochi @arvinrussellseggplant
Thanks for reading guys ❤
Pt1 here | Pt3 here
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“Why didn’t you tell me it’s your birthday on Saturday!?” JJ exclaimed, letting go of your hand and sitting up from where you had both been lying on the deck of your boat.
“I didn’t think it was that big a deal.” You replied with a laugh. “I kinda just forgot to mention it.”
“But what if I wanted to buy you a present?”
“I don’t need a present from you JJ.” You smiled, reaching up to cup his cheek and pulling him down for a kiss.
The two of you had been dating for a couple of months now, and although you very much considered yourselves to be together neither of you had said the words ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend’ yet. The time you spent together was private, you kept it a secret from everyone; you didn’t want your family to know and he was hesitant to tell his friends, exactly why you weren’t sure but you didn’t want to pry. It wasn’t as if you were sneaking around, you were just being careful.
“I have plenty things already, your company is enough.” You said, pulling away from the kiss and sitting up yourself. “But unfortunately I won’t be able to see you on my actual birthday. Mom’s making me throw a party and every teenager on Figure Eight will be there, so I doubt you’d want to come.”
“I wouldn’t be welcome even if I did want to.” JJ chuckled. You hummed in agreement.
“That’s why I wanted to celebrate today.” You chirped, getting up to retrieve a cooler that you had brought with you.
“What’s in there?”
“A special birthday picnic.”
“Oh, I see.” He grinned as you took your seat opposite him again. “And what does that consist of?”
“Well, let’s have a look.” You opened up the cooler and looked in at what you had packed with a smile. “Of course the standard picnic items; sandwiches, fruit, some baked sweets.” You listed as you took them out of the cooler. “And then, as I learned from my mother, a young lady cannot celebrate her birthday without a bottle of champagne.”
“Fancy.” JJ nodded, taking the bottle from you.
“Not as fancy as these.” You said, taking the glasses out. “Crystal champagne flutes. I snuck them out of the cabinet. We only use them for the most special of occasions and my mom loves them so we have to be careful.”
“I can be careful.” JJ poured the champagne, and you clinked your glasses with a smile. “Happy early birthday.”
“This is a much better celebration than my party will be.” You sighed, finishing your sip and setting your glass down. “I don’t understand why my mom insists that I have to have one, I’m not actually friends with anyone that’s coming.”
“But I thought you said every kid on Figure Eight was going? You’re not friends with anybody?”
“No, not really. They’re all just so fake, I can’t stand it. I genuinely don’t think that any of them are really friends with each other and they’re just constantly pretending, but I can’t be bothered to pretend.” You rolled your eyes and JJ laughed.
“Sounds exhausting.” He smiled.
“What are your friends like, J?” You asked, genuinely just curious. He told you a bit about them, stories of the crazy stuff they had done, but you never got in depth about it. You felt like it was probably because he wasn’t ready to integrate the two parts of his life.
“They’re good.” He nodded. “I mean, we’re basically family. They’re just not the biggest fans of Kooks.”
“Well, neither are you.” You giggled.
“You know what I mean. I think you’d like them, I’m just worried that they wouldn’t want to give you chance.”
“How much do you bet I could win them over just like I did you?”
“I wouldn’t love it if you won them over exactly the same way as me.” He smirked, gently taking hold of your chin and pulling you in for a kiss, which you both laughed into. “I'm gonna get you a birthday present. What if I come by on Saturday just for a minute to deliver it?”
“You know I’ll be happy to see you, but nobody else at the party will.”
“Eh, who cares.” He shrugged, and you grinned broadly.
“Okay, if you insist.” You conceded. “Now let’s eat this picnic that I so painstakingly curated.”
+ + +
Your birthday party was in full swing, the ground floor of your house teeming with teenagers. People were drinking, dancing and jumping in the pool and you weren’t enjoying any of it.
Your mother had gifted you a particularly ugly necklace that was basically just a tangle of gold chain, and Nicholas had openly bad mouthed your father for only getting you a few books, even though that’s what you had asked for. The detest that you felt for him was justified. Your dad was actually supposed to have arrived back on the island the day before, but it wasn’t unusual for him to get held up with work.
You pushed past a group of boys having some loud conversation on your way into the kitchen and poured yourself a strong drink. You threw the drink back in one gulp and slammed the plastic cup back down onto the countertop with a loud sigh.
“What’s wrong, birthday girl?” Topper asked over the music, his arm slung around Sarah’s shoulders as they came up beside you.
“I’m fine.” You shrugged.
“Did your dad get you a good present this year?” Sarah asked with a smile. “A new car maybe?”
“I already have a car.” You replied with a flat chuckle. “He got me some books that I asked for.”
“That’s kinda boring.” Topper commented. You rolled your eyes and Sarah smacked him in the side.
“I think that’s sweet. What kind if books?”
You told Sarah about the books you had gotten, actually kind if enjoying the conversation. Sarah was actually pretty easy to talk to, you felt like the fact that you weren’t putting on an act made her kind of drop hers, and it was a refreshing break from the way that the rest of the teens on Figure Eight were constantly pretending to be the perfect versions of themselves.
Your explanation of the premise of one of your books was interrupted when you felt your phone ringing in your pocket. You took it out and saw that it was your dad, and you smiled.
“I gotta take this.” You excused quickly before rushing outside to get away from the music. You answered the call excitedly, greeting your dad with a bright tone.
“Hey, Pumpkin, happy birthday!” He exclaimed. “I’m sorry I didn’t call this morning, I got caught up in meetings. You know how it is.”
“I know, dad. It’s okay, you’re calling now. Are you done with work? Do you think you’ll get here tonight?” You questioned eagerly. You heard him let out a sigh, and your smile fell.
“About that, sweetheart, I’ve had a few bumps in the road.” He began. You felt your heart sink and you were already scolding yourself for getting your hopes up before he could even tell you what the reason for missing your birthday was. “My meetings haven’t gone as well as I’d hoped and it looks like I’m going to be held up for a few more days.”
“Oh, right, okay.” You nodded, keeping your voice steady even as your eyes welled with tears. “Hope things get better then.”
“I’m sorry, Y/N, I really did want to be there. I promise I’ll make it up to you when I get back; we can have a movie marathon night, completely your pick.” You let out a chuckle despite yourself. He might not be around much but he still knew you well, and movie marathon nights were one of your favourite things to do with him.
“Sounds great, dad. I can’t wait.”
“I hope you’ve had a good day, at least. What have you been getting up to?”
“I’m having a party, actually.” You replied. You didn’t need to tell him that you didn’t want to have the party and weren’t actually really enjoying it.
“Right now? I’ll let you get back to it then.” Your dad smiled down the phone. “Have fun.”
“Thanks, dad.”
“Love you, Pumpkin.”
“Love you too.”
You said your goodbyes and ended the call, and you tucked your phone back into the pocket of your shorts. You just stood there for a few moments, the loud music and whooping of partying teenagers emanating from the house, before tears began to fall. You shook with a silent sob and had to take a seat on the concrete of your driveway.
You sat there, with your legs pulled up to your chest and your head in your knees, for a few minutes. You sniffed, wiping your tears away on the back of your hand, when you heard a shuffle of footsteps and looked up quickly.
“JJ.” You acknowledged quickly, furiously wiping at your eyes as he walked up the driveway.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?” He asked, his voice edged with concern. You were ready to brush away his concerns, but as he got closer you saw the bruising on his face and suddenly you had some worries of your own.
“What happened to you?”
“I asked first.” JJ countered. You watched him as he came to sit down next to you, lifting your hand and softly placing it just below his purpled cheekbone, inspecting the fresh bruising around his eye and the split in his lip, then noticing the discolouration around his collarbone. He took the hand away gently, intertwining your fingers, and you saw that there was no bruising on his knuckles; these weren’t injuries earned in a fair fight. “Why are you crying?” He repeated.
“No, that doesn’t matter.” You shook your head. You weren’t trying to downplay your upset anymore, you just knew that whatever had happened to JJ was more important. “Who did this to you, JJ?”
“I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.” He smiled, but there was no joy or amusement behind it. You hesitated for a moment before conceding.
“My dad missed my birthday again.” You told him. “The last time he actually made it home for my actual birthday was when I turned eleven, and yet somehow I still get my hopes up every year. I hate this party, there are at least three different types of club drugs being taken in my house right now, I’m sad. You’re turn.”
JJ sighed. He looked down at your joined hands, pausing to think for a moment before looking back up at you. He let out a short breath of soft laughter, lifting his free hand and smoothing his thumb over the crease that had formed on your brow.
“Promise not to freak out?” He asked.
“Okay.” You replied shakily. You could try to limit your reaction at least. “But you have to tell me the truth, J.”
“My dad hits me.” JJ said quickly, and you felt your lips part in shock. “I stay with John B most of the time, I try to stay out of his way when I’m home, but it’s not like I can avoid him completely.”
“Wha- Why don’t you tell somebody?” You stuttered. “Call the police or protective services or-?”
“I don’t want to.” He interrupted. “I’m happy here with my friends and if I get protective services involved then they’ll ship me off to the mainland. I can deal with my dad.”
“This doesn’t look like dealing.” You muttered softly, pushing the collar of his t-shirt to the side to get a better look at the bruise that it was partially covering. “When is this from?”
“Yesterday. I went home to get some money so I could buy you this.” JJ shifted to reach into his pocket and pulled out a small, flat box. “It’s not much but it’s all I could afford.”
You took the box from him curiously, unlinking your hand from his so that you could pull off the lid. Inside was a small silver necklace, a thin chain with a small circular pendant. When you lifted it up you saw that the pendant had a map of the world etched into it. The necklace was simple and sweet, and you felt a big smile take over your face.
“You didn’t have to get me this, J.” You simpered.
“I told you I wanted to.” He smiled back. You handed the box back to him and turned to face away, and JJ eagerly fastened the chain around your neck. He struggled a little with the tiny clasp, making you giggle. His hands ran over your shoulders before he dropped them, and you turned back to him with the smile gone from your face.
“You went through that just so you could buy this for me?” You murmured. JJ's smile faltered but didn’t fall, and he nodded slightly.
“It’s not your fault, Y/N. It’s just what happens.”
You sat silently for a little while, but your peaceful moment was interrupted by a loud round of cheering from inside. You looked over your shoulder towards the house with a groan, but then lightened up when you got an idea.
“You wanna get away from this bullshit?” You asked, gesturing towards the party.
“You wanna leave your own birthday party?” He asked with a chuckle. You shrugged.
“Nobody will notice that I’m gone. I’ll just have to come back at, like, midnight to kick everybody out.”
“Okay, then let’s go.” JJ smiled.
“Alright. Give me one minute.” You giggled, getting up quickly. “Just wait here a sec.”
You ran back into the house and pushed past all of the people to the stairs, heading up to your bedroom. You had kept the door locked to keep out horny couples. You rooted through one of your drawers until you found a set of keys, switched out of your party sandals to a pair of converse, and grabbed your car key off of your vanity before heading back out, making sure to lock your door behind you again.
You paused on the stairs to scan the crowd until you spotted Sarah, and pushed past the bodies towards her.
“Y/N! Where’d you go?” She shouted over the music.
“Just outside. I’m gonna disappear from the party for the bit, can you call me if something major happens?” You asked. Sarah frowned.
“But this is your birthday party.”
“I know it’s weird, but I’ve got some other stuff going on right now and I just need to get away for a bit.”
“Okay, I guess that makes sense. I’ll call you if anything happens.” She nodded, though the confusion was still clear on her face.
“Thanks. I’ll see you later.” You smiled, before heading back out.
JJ was stood at the side of the driveway waiting for you when you came back out, slamming the front door shut after yourself. You grabbed his hand and pulled him after you to your car with a smile.
“Where are we going?” He questioned as you started the engine and began backing out.
“My other house.” You answered.
“Sorry, did you say ‘other house’?”
“My dad’s house. He hasn’t been home in eight months and I haven’t been there in about five, but a cleaner comes by every two weeks to maintain it.” You explained.
“Jesus you’re rich.” JJ mumbled. He had a teasing smile on his face but the comment made you feel a little guilty.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to show off or anything. We don’t have to go to my dad’s if you don't want-"
“Y/N, it’s fine.” He laughed. “You didn’t choose to be born into a rich family the same way I didn’t choose to be born into a poor one.”
“I know, I just don’t want to be... insensitive isn’t the right word. I just don’t want to seem like I take it for granted; I don’t want you think that I’m that kind of person.”
“I don’t.” He assured you. “You don’t treat me like I’m any different for being poor, so I don’t care that you’re rich.”
It wasn’t long until you were pulling into the driveway of your dad’s house. It was grand and expensive looking, but it was still smaller than your mom’s; she had kept the house after the divorce and since your dad wasn’t even home most of the time he’d decided that he didn’t need quote so much space.
The inside was modestly decorated, no elaborate sculptures or outlandish wall decorations like so many of the other houses on Figure Eight. The furniture was very nice, and the few paintings and things that were on the walls were expensive, but your father was a man of simple taste. He didn’t even have any fancy chandeliers.
“I expected something more opulent for the richest man in the Outer Banks.” JJ commented as he looked around.
“Since when was opulent a word in your vocabulary?” You questioned with a giggle. JJ gasped, and pinched you in the side with a frown.
“I’m not completely dumb.” He objected.
You laughed, grabbing his hand and dragging him after you into the living room. You flicked on the light before dropping yourself onto the sofa and pulling JJ down with you.
“What kind of movies do you like?” You asked him as you picked up the remote and switched on the TV.
“Uh, I don’t know, action and horror.” He shrugged.
“What kind of horror? Slasher? Psychological? Paranormal?”
“I don’t know.” He chuckled. You gave an exaggerated sigh, going into the horror section on Netflix.
“Fine, I guess I’ll pick.”
You ended up putting on The Blair Witch Project after discovering that JJ had never seen it, and the two of you settled down. You were thankful to be away from the crowded mess of your birthday party and just have a quiet night with JJ.
“But I don’t understand how they managed to make it scary, basically nothing happened.” JJ perplexed after the movie ended.
“Yeah, that’s why it’s genius.” You grinned up at him. Throughout the course of the film you had ended up lying across the sofa with your head resting on his lap. “All of the horror is in the fact that you know that something this out there but you never see it. Modern horror movies could never.”
“That’s crazy bro.” He said, making you laugh. He looked down at you with an amused smile and a sparkle in his eye that made your heart jump.
“Do you wanna stay here for the night?” You offered once your laughter subsided. “I’m sure my dad has some stuff in his closet that you can sleep in.”
“Are you sure? I mean, don’t you have to go home?”
“Nah, my mom and Nicholas are staying at a hotel tonight so that I can have my party so they won’t know that I’m not there.” You shrugged. “You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.”
“No, I’d like to stay.” He smiled. You let out a relieved breath that you didn’t realise you’d been holding.
“Cool. I need to go and kick everyone out of my house but we can watch another movie when I get back if you want?”
“Sounds good to me. Do you want me to come with you?”
“Probably best if you don’t, you know, with the whole ‘every Kook on the island is there’ thing.” JJ laughed lightly at that.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” He nodded. “Can I have a shower while you’re gone.”
“Sure.” You chuckled as you sat up. “You can use my en suite and I’ll get you something to change into.”
You took him upstairs, grabbing a t-shirt and a pair of gym shorts from one of your dad’s drawers before showing him into your room. It was plainly decorated like the rest of the house, but you had posters and photos tacked up and covering almost every inch of the walls.
“This is nice.” JJ smiled, looking around.
“Don’t go snooping around while I’m gone, a person’s bedroom is their kingdom.”
“I’ll mind my own business.” He agreed with a salute that made you grin.
“And make sure you dry off properly, I don’t want you dripping all over my nice carpet.”
“Jeeze, any more rules?”
“Uh, nope. I think that’s it.” You chirped. “I should be back in, like, half an hour. I’m pretty sure I left some chicken nuggets in the freezer last time I was here, you can have those if you get hungry. Or maybe I’ll get takeout on my way back?”
“Takeout sounds good.” JJ nodded, beaming, and pulled you in for a kiss before you left.
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boymeetsparadise · 4 years
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apart (min yoongi)
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word count: 2k
summary: Yoongi is distant and the reader is snarky. Yoongi doesn’t mean to intentionally be an asshole and Reader’s pent up feelings caused by depression result into a fight and devastating time apart. They love each other and they didn’t mean it that way but realizations hurt.
warnings: language. angst. mentions of depression and negative thoughts. both don’t mean to let their feelings get the best of em.
a/n: it’s been a while since i’ve written so i’m sorry if this isn’t the best. perhaps work is also kicking my creative ass ew lol. 
——
“The guys called, I’ll be home later.” Yoongi grinned as he grabbed his keys, the sound of a door closing echoing the small hall.
-
“Kind of busy? Can we talk later?” Yoongi turned his attention to the computer screen in front of him, bringing the hot mug to his lips. “Thank you for the tea though!”
-
“Gotta take this, just a moment.” He put a finger up, requesting a moment as he walked out the door.
-
“Going out, don’t wait up.” He kissed your cheek with a hand on your back, walking away before you could think of a response.
-
“Not now, maybe later?”
“Yeah..” You sighed as you gently crumpled a shirt, tossing it onto your shared bed. The different responses all had the same meaning, leaving the same tired feelings every time. “Just lemme know what time you're coming home, yeah?” You asked with a hint of concern.
“Yeah no problem.” Yoongi grinned as he zipped up his jacket and adjusted the cap on his head. “Might be late. Laters baby” He waved as he grabbed a mask off the dresser. You sighed once hearing the door close.
“Love you.” You said out loud to an empty room.
That same night he doesn’t call and comes home at 4 am. Pretending to slow your breathing- you hear him as he walks from the bathroom to the closet, changing out of his clothes and preparing for bed, he lays down with a heavy sigh, facing away from you. Tears brim your eyes but you don’t give yourself away, he’s tired anyways.
You wondered if he ever noticed how his favorite meals you were forced to put away as leftovers were attempts at grabbing his attention. How you woke up early enough to prepare breakfast on a day where he had more time… only for him to take a sip of coffee and quickly stuff a cut piece of pancake into his mouth before running off. Or how you made sure to clean his small home studio just the way he preferred… even if you didn’t get a thanks. Most importantly, the way you always said ‘I love you’ even if he was already out the door, hoping he’d say it first for once.
You just wanted someone to talk to. A moment of peace and happiness to contrast the dark thoughts you had been having recently. This time of the year was always the hardest for you, and although you didn’t want to fully depend on your boyfriend nor make it his responsibility, you wanted some sort of reassurance or support- no matter how small. You knew he also wasn’t good at talking about feelings but it was an effort you both put in to grow and become better versions.
...But lately his constant absence didn’t help the loneliness you had already been feeling.
-
“Hey baby why don’t we stay in tonight?” You walked over to him as he sat in front of his computer, fingers softly dancing their way up to gently play with the hair near his neck. “I can cook or perhaps order delivery! There’s a movie I know you’ll love!” You grinned, hoping he would agree tonight.
He always did say to come to him when you needed something and right now you wanted his warmth.  
“Kind of busy.” He tilted his head with an annoyed sigh and clicks of the cursor filled the silent room.
You played with your hands and looked to the floor, “I know you're busy and I’m super proud of you but to be honest..” You paused, you felt as if you were about to break down. Every negative emotion was ready to be poured out after being pushed away. “I just want someone to talk to. I’ve been feeling super desperate and negative-“
“Look babe,” He set down his headphones to properly turn his chair around, taking your hand in his, “Feelings like these suck, trust me I know. Take a nap and relax okay? I know how it gets sometimes.” He nodded- continuing, “Why don’t you call your best friend? Maybe have a movie night with some snacks.” He kissed your hand before letting go and turning around to reach for his headphones. “Love you!”
“I already did.” You softly replied but it was no use as you heard the muffled sound blasting from his headphones. Despite hearing those three words for the first time in weeks, they didn’t register. You shook your head and wiped away your tears, walking back into your shared bedroom. With the door closed you slid to the floor, silently crying into your hands.
See? Not even your boyfriend wants you around. You know what you are? A bother! Why don’t you just run away from it all? You’ll go unnoticed.
A few moments passed before you decided to pick yourself up, tiredly wiping away stray tears.
Just suck it up. All you do is annoy. So whiny! Pathetic. This is why he doesn’t love you anymore.
You laid in bed with a straight face as the voices chanted in circles around your mind. Inside your mind you had anger but not towards anyone in particular but yourself, for feeling such a way and wishing you could just push it away.
-
The door clicked signaling to an entry. You heard soft ruffles of clothes from the opened closet before you heard his footsteps.
Why were you not surprised?
“Hey babe, going out. Gonna-“
“Be late I fucking know.” You interrupted and the sounds of his jewelry came to halt, your tone definitely snapping him out of his daze. Didn’t you just say you were busy?
“Pardon?” He asked as he took a few steps in your resting figure. “Is there a problem?” He asked as he adjusted his jacket.
“No.” You shook your head, “None at all. Have fun.”
“What’s up?” He shifted his weight as he crossed his hands across his chest.
“Nothing.” You dryly replied as you rolled away from his stare. “Won’t wait up, they’re expecting you. Go.”
Yoongi cocked his brow in amused confusion. He had never seen this type of behavior from you, completely forgetting your previous actions thinking this moment was completely random.
“(Y/N).” His voice was stern as he stepped closer, the use of your full name only angered you as he stood behind you, your back towards him . “Speak. What’s wrong?”
He waited for an answer but was met with none as you continued to ignore him. Now he wanted to hear what you had to say? Now he found the time?
“(Y/N).”
Silence.
“(Y/N),I won’t ask again. What’s wrong?” He felt himself growing annoyed.
“Then don’t.”
Yoongi stayed in place as you sat up, ignoring his stare and walking out into the living room. What was your reasoning for this type of behavior?
He followed the sound of the tv as you sat on the couch.
“So now you don’t wanna speak? What the fuck is wrong, tell me.”
“It’s nothing, leave me alone Yoongi.”
He shook his head in disbelief as you called him by his name. Even when it came to disagreements you would either use the nickname you gave him or refrain from using his name at all. The tone you used signaled you were angry and he wasn’t having it.
“So you can go on and act desperate for my attention huh,” He asked with a scoff. “But the second I hand it over now you wanna act silent? Grow up. Tell me what you’re on.”
You shook your head and raised your brows in shock as your tongue poked the inside of your cheek. Oh so he did notice. How great for him to say nothing until now.  
“Forget it.” You shut the tv off and stood up once again, making a beeline to the kitchen where once again, Yoongi was hot on your emotional trail.
“You obviously have something important to say so go on.” He pressed as he crossed his arms once again.
“I’m waiting.” You looked up to him with an agitated face.
“Keep waiting.” You bit back as you began to reach for the cupboard above. You hoped to relax by preparing a cup of tea but suddenly saw his hand reach out to close the small door, halting your actions.
“You don’t get to start this and leave it unfinished.” He put his hands on either side of you as you turned around, “I asked you multiple times about whatever fucking issue you have and now you wanna rub me off? I have done the absolute most and this is how you wanna go about it? We’re adults.”
You've done the absolute most? Are you kidding?  Please say it isn’t so! Don’t let it be that he’s about to start using his career against you. Not in a moment like this.
“I don’t want this okay?.” You shook your head with a dry chuckle. Your anxiety grew 10x worse as you began to mentally prepare for the possible fight that was about to start. “I don’t wanna fight with you anymore. You’re unbelievable Min Yoongi.”
“Please enlighten me (Y/F/N)”
“I shouldn’t have to repeat it.”
“Well you’re about to.” He said in an annoyed manner.
With a shake of your head, you returned the same tone. “First off.” You stood before him but his stance didn’t falter. “I’ve been trying to capture your attention for weeks now. You brush me off before I can even get a proper word in.”
“Oh please.” He scoffed.
“I’m not done Min Yoongi. Like you said, if I showed how desperate I was for your attention.. Why didn’t you mention that earlier? Don’t throw it in my fucking face. You know I try to do my part and more to help make up for the stuff I can’t do.”
You began to point a finger to his chest as he raised a brow.
“Third and final fuck of all. You want to know my deal? I’m not happy. I’ve been desperate for your attention because I’m drowning inside. A small conversation or a hug would be very helpful.” You spat. “You noticed my efforts and let me be met with disappointment every time. I feel like you don’t love me anymore. Maybe it’s my mind, but I don’t know. I’m tired. Mentally I feel like I'm self suffocating. Now leave me alone.” Before Yoongi could even process your words, you ducked under his arm and walked past him, trying to reach your bedroom when he spoke again.
“If you’re not happy then why are you here?” His words had hit another chord as you froze in place. “I love you but you know I’m not good with that soft shit. That’s why you can call your friends.”
“Other than tonight, when was the last time you said you loved me?” You pursed your lips as you spun around.  
Silence.
“See?” With a nod, you continued your stare off.
“You haven’t said it either so now what?” He challenged with a shrug.
“I’ve said it everyday Yoongi.” Licking your lips you continued, “But you're always out the door before you can hear me.”
Yoongi’s eyes moved to anything else but your eyes.
He had no reason to doubt your words.
“You don’t get it. Forget ‘that soft shit’ I brought up Yoongi.” With a shake of your head you had hoped that perhaps it would be the end. You knew you had a good reason to be angry but perhaps it didn’t come out the way you intended.
“Like I said,” His voice still low. “If you're not happy, you can leave. I’m not gonna force you since you’re so tired.” He mocked, emotions still rushing.
With exhaustion taking over you let your shoulders fall in realization. “Fine.” And with slow steps you began your walk back into your room, maybe time would help this situation. A way for you to breathe and focus on yourself. Maybe he had a point, focus on just yourself for now and come back.
In Yoongi’s mind he knew you had a point but was too stubborn to admit he wasn’t being the best boyfriend. Seeing your anger brought his out too and he couldn’t blame you.
In reality he really had noticed your efforts but tried to brush em off as clingingness, too afraid to confront the reasons as to why. Of course he still loved you. When would he ever stop? He just hasn't been able to prioritize the important. Even though he knows he shouldn’t even have to consider your position in his life.
If he couldn’t confront his own feelings, how could he help you confront yours?
He stood in the middle of the living room, all the words registering in his mind before the sound of a zipper broke his thoughts. With wide eyes he took quick strides to your bedroom. What was he saying? What was he doing?
“What are you doing?” He asked softly with concern as he leaned against the doorway.
“You have a point. I’m leaving and focusing on bettering myself okay?” Valuables tucked into the suitcase as you walked from drawer to drawer, folding clothes and tossing. “Maybe I just need some space.”
“No wait.” He stood next to the bed, hoping you’d stop your actions. “We can sit and talk, c’mon.” He extended his hand. “I’ll listen to every word okay?”
You sighed as you set down a small stack of clothes into your bag. “It’s fine. We’ll talk later okay?”
“Or you can stop packing and we can talk now?” His suggestion came out more like a question as he began to chew on his bottom lip. “See? I’ll help you unpack.”
Yoongi began to take out the folded articles of clothing and set them back into the designated drawers. With another weary sigh you crossed your arms against your chest. “Please don’t do this.”
“You said you wanted to talk feelings, let’s do that.” His voice was shaky as he stood before you, taking your hand. The realness of the moment kicked in and now he was terrified.
“This started because we didn't want to talk feelings, let’s not start another so that we do.”
“That’s not what I’m doing.” He interjected as he took your other hand. “You have a point and I’m sorry I’m realizing that right now. I’ve been busy and I can’t bring myself to confront emotions. I let myself get carried away by them when I should really be listening and supporting the best I can.” He intertwined your fingers as he took a deep breath. “Just stop packing.”
“We both agreed to work on expressing our emotions. This isn’t a new topic Yoongi.” You expressed with sadness as you pulled a hand away to cradle his cheek.
“I know but please-“
“It’s best I go, at least for a bit.” Pulling away, clothes began to make their way back into the suitcase.
“(Y/N)-“
“I’m doing this for myself. Maybe I need a break from everything around me. I can't be myself and give you the best version of me if I’m feeling like a whole different person. Look at what I started. I don’t like this.”
“So you need a break from me too?” With glossy eyes Yoongi began to breathe heavily, the panic now on display before you. Have we truly done it now? 
“I’m not leaving you Min Yoongi.” You held his face in your palms as your thumbs gently rubbed his shoulders. With closed eyes he held your hand, worried. “I need to work on me. This isn’t about you or anything else. I guess I’m running from my emotions but maybe it’s best. I’ll be forced to confront them.”
“Are you sure?” He asked again hoping maybe you’d change your mind.
“Yes. I’ve been trying to distract myself from reality and I can’t do this anymore.”
Surprised you kept a steady voice, you tsked before pulling him into a hug.
“I love you so much. I’m sorry for everything tonight but please wait till I’m home okay?” You squeezed him tighter.
“But what if you don’t? What if you realize maybe I’m the reason and never come back? I’m sorry for everything too. I promise I’ll listen to your feelings. Don’t go.” Vulnerable, Yoongi felt a tear slip down his cheek and onto your shoulder. He was most certain you felt it as it left a dark stain on your shirt.
“Please don’t treat this as a breakup. It won’t be.”
“It sure feels like one.”  He wished there was more he could say.
With tears of your own you pulled away, extending a pinky before him. “Look,” Pulling his own hand up, you tried to move his fingers to mimic yours. “I promise you. I’ll be back. Just wait.”
Looking into your eyes, he admitted defeat. Your stubbornness was something he admired but he’d be lying if he said it wasn’t what he despised at this moment.
“Promise?” He shed more tears as his pinky curled.
Completing the action you nodded, “I promise. I love you Min Yoongi.”
“I love you too (Y/N/F).” With that he left himself break, pulling you in once again and sobbing into your shoulder.
That tender moment felt like you both let out everything you had to say but without using your words. If only it was always like this.
“It’s best I go. I’ll text you okay?” You wiped away a couple tears as he let you go with a sad nod.
“I’ll be here waiting.” And with a sad smile he sat on the edge of the bed as you continued to pack. 
Both of your hearts hoped this was the right answer. 
220 notes · View notes
loftec · 4 years
Note
Hi i don't know if anyone haven't ask you about it or i'm the only one who wants to read it but CAN YOU PLEASE SHARE YOUR NOTES (ch.44) i don't know if you were serious about that but i really would love to read them cause i'm obsessed with everything what is ntw related 🖤 hope ur well
Hi friend! It’s possibly just you (or one other person, in case of separate anons) but that is enough! I was absolutely serious. 
Note on the notes! This is not all of it, because my notes for this chapter were often repetitive and very messy, and some older notes were from four years ago when I didn’t bother writing things out properly, so they barely make sense even to me. But! I’ve done my best to sort everything in some kind of linear order, and removed most of the repetition. And, well, you asked for it... sorry! 🖤
Ian shows up in the morning, Mickey digs out the magazine Iggy stole from Amelia’s dentist’s office the other day and confronts Ian about the big-ass article in Rolling Stone about IAN’S BAND, says he’s listened to some of their songs, takes out a paper where he’s written down some lyrics that sound strangely familiar.
You’re famous!
I’m in a band, people know about us right now, tomorrow they might not. I’m not famous.
You’re kinda famous.
Ian talks about Mickey recognizing him because of Frank. Hints that there might be several songs inspired by Mickey. It’s awkward as fuck, didn’t want you to know.
Were you ever gonna tell me?
Oh yeah, I had a plan. 3 dates, dinner and a movie, day out with Yev, dinner at my place turned vigorous love-making. Second prong; cohabitation, engagement, marriage, then on our wedding night I tell you about crushing on Justin Timberlake when I was 12,
then I tell you I’m semi-famous, if it still applies.
Mickey thinks his face might be on fire.
What the?
I’m fucking with you, Mick. Figured you already knew.
This again?
You angry?
No, I’m not fucking angry. Just-
Freaked out.
Kinda, yeah.
You shouldn’t be. Please.
It’s weird that I didn’t know, I feel like a schmuck. (And I’m pretty sure by your count we’ve already been on those first two dates.)
I’m sorry. I thought you knew and by some fucking miracle didn’t treat me different. I’d been gearing up to maybe have to have this conversation on our date, ‘cause it’s shit sometimes, you know? I don’t do interviews and I never talk about myself when I gotta do them, but there’s still a limelight and a lot of bullshit that complicates
I’ve been crushing on you since we met basically, and I thought I’d just… let it run its course, keep my mouth shut about it and deal until it went away and we could remain friends without me fucking it up.
Didn’t work, by the way.
Good.
Mickey is talking about it with Etch, who suggests that Ian’s been writing at the diner for a reason.
Etch looks up some lyrics and Mickey caps locks them to Ian
You might have inspired a few lately…
Fuck off. How many?
Since we met? Pretty much all of them.
Maybe one or two made it on to the album, but I wrote those before we really got to know each other so they’re just like… about moments, and how I would feel around you.
Didn’t think of it as creepy but it kinda sounds that way now.
No it’s fine
I won’t do it again.
Said it’s fine. Kinda like it.
Yeah?
You gonna tell me which ones are about me, or is that a secret too?
What are you doing tonight?
Thought you said you were going on tour?
We are, it starts tonight. It’s a small fan club gig here in Chicago.
You have a fan club?
Kinda. I’ll put you on the guest list if you want to come.
(Mickey calls Svetlana to make sure Yevgeny can stay with her over the weekend.)
It’s fine if you don’t want to, we’ll do something else when I get back.
Calm your tits Gallagher, course I wanna go. Needed to make sure I’ve got Yev covered.
Oh okay, good. You’re on the list. Doors at 7, gig starts at 8, no support.
You’ve got no chill.
(Ian doesn’t answer for a while)
I like it.
Good, that was torture. Never doing that again.
(Etch teases him about having his nose in his phone, and makes him aware of new guests arriving)
Gotta get back to work
Yeah, me too. See you tonight?
No chill at all.
Ian invites him to the concert and gives Mickey his phone number. Mickey makes sure Yevgeny stays with his mom on saturday, and after work he goes home and gets ready. Showers and cleans himself thoroughly, puts on cologne and a band t-shirt he hasn’t worn in ages, it’s gotten kinda tight on him since he got it. (He puts on a dress shirt first, tucks it into his pants and glares at his reflection).
He’s on the guest list when he gets there, the girl in the box office can’t find him at first but then Anne shows up and points him out, he’s on the VIP list and gets a pass that he’s told he needs to carry so it’s visible. He makes a point of shoving it in the admission guy’s face, but then shoves the ostentatious thing down the pocket of his jeans. Anne shows him in and tells him about the gig, about how the fan club got started. Anne says he can go backstage but he says he’ll pass, thank you. He gets a beer and finds a good spot, there’s a balcony halfway through the venue where he’s got a perfect view of the stage without having to stand in the front.
They text a little, Mickey says he’s there and Ian says he’ll make a sign when they play a song inspired by him.
run-through of the concert, Ian touches the side of his nose when the song is about Mickey. He’s sexy as fuck, and has some ridiculous stripper moves.
He takes off his hoodie at some point, and sweating through his tank he and Anne put on gloves and start hitting the barrels with crowbars.
Anne is the maestro, maybe Ian crowd surfs at some point? Warren Ellis that violin, man. He has little routines with Anne, and some with Jon too. One song, Anne gets one of his guitars and he does noisy stuff with his violin and plays on the oil barrels with Stran, completely in sync.  
They got some good stage banter going, and at some point Ian does a Tom Waits impression, and Anne groans and says he’ll sing the whole thing if they’re not careful. There’s a reason why he’s
For the encore, Ian touches the side of his nose and they start playing a song, Anne saying that this is a first. It looks like Ian is about to sing, but then it looks like he changes his mind and they start playing a song that Mickey sure as fuck hope isn’t about him. The insufferable man on a date right next to Mickey tells the woman he’s with that they were about to play the mysterious title track from their last album that never ended up on the record
“it’s derivative, but cute”
how can it be a title track if it’s not on the album
the guy talks about how he’s got a friend working as an engineer in the studio and he’s sent him an early demo version. It’s not their best song by far, but it’s cool that pretty much no one else has heard it.
Mickey asks the girl if she’s ok with this joker, and she says she’s fine. He offers to get her a cab or something, if she wants to get out of there.
She says she’s not interested
Lady, if I wanted to get with either of you, it wouldn’t be you. Just sayin, I ain’t picky, but that guy would’ve gotten the boot ten minutes into the date if he were here with me, no offense.
WHAT IF.
The concert is over, and crowd starts to let up. Then a fight breaks out at the front and Mickey makes his way towards it. It’s over before he gets there, and sees a guy in his 40s with a bleeding nose, and Lip shaking out his fist, a security guard between them.
Mickey talks to the guard and defuses the situation, putting the bleeding man in the position of a sad overzealous fan. It somehow warms Lip to him, absurdly, and he finds himself apologized to, Lip shaking his hand and wincing when Mickey grips his bruised knuckles a little too hard. Lip vaguely explains that that was an old ex of Ian’s, a real piece of work, and then offers Mickey to come backstage with them to see Ian. Mickey declines.
It’s Lip, Carl and Debbie (Liam is too young, and Fiona too pregnant).
“I was drunk, and wrong, and when I’m wrong I say I’m wrong. (IT’S FROM DIRTY DANCING YOU LITERALLY FORGET EVERY TIME AND HAVE TO GOOGLE IT WHENEVER READING THIS NOTE should I really be quoting Baby’s dad in this fic? Probably. If anyone can, it’s Lip.) And Ian tells me you’ve been there for him a lot lately
I wouldn’t say that
But he did, he doesn’t tell me a lot these days, but he told me that.
Mickey gets another beer at the bar as people mill towards the merch and exit, he sits on a stool with an eye on the backstage passage. He watches the band come out to talk to some of the lingering fans and sign shit. Ian comes out and is immediately surrounded by fans, he locks eyes with Mickey across the room and Mickey raises his beer in a silent cheers. Ian comes up to him after a few minutes, he looks damp and exhilarated and unexpectedly nervous,
How was it?
Not bad, Gallagher.
he asks Mickey over. He has to pack up his shit and do the rounds, but he’ll be done in half an hour, tops. Mickey says he’ll meet him outside.
Ian leaves and Mickey finishes his beer, watching Ian talk to some fans, signing shit and taking pictures. He goes for a piss and then goes out for a smoke.
Ian comes out after twenty minutes, carrying two guitar cases and a large wheelie-bag. Mickey takes one of the guitars off his hands and they walk together.
(maybe Ian has a banjo and he gives it to Mickey to carry and Mickey is all really? I wanna kick your ass so bad right now, country boy, but then carries it anyway.) (banjos are cool)
Walk from the club. Mickey mentions talking to Lip. They talk about Ian’s Tom Waits impression. You’re not musically illiterate at all! Talk about Mickey’s Radiohead tee that he stole from a hookup when he was sixteen, he’s grown into it now. Talk about Ian’s onstage dancing, used to be a stripper, well, not saying you can’t still do private performances (?? you know what I mean! this is not what they’re saying but you’ll remember it) (Note from 2020: I DID NOT REMEMBER IT.)
Talk about wanting to learn playing the trumpet. Don’t have trumpet playing lips.
”Sure you and your lips can do whatever you set your heart to, I believe in you.”
Looks at Mickey and smiles.
”What?”
”You’ve been flirting with me since we first met, haven’t you?”
”Maybe.”
”Huh”
“What?”
“Oh nothing.” “Just re-evaluating everything you’ve ever said to me.”
”Re-evaluate this;” gives Ian the finger.
”That an invitation?”
”Fuck you is what it is,”
“sounds like an invitation.”
Ian tells him a little about his different instruments, Mickey picks up the beat up guitar Gus first gave to Ian and strums it, Ian asks him to play him something but Mickey snorts and says he’s counting on getting laid tonight and him playing would be detrimental to that plan. Ian doesn’t think so, but accepts it when Mickey gives him the guitar.
”I’ve walked some thousand miles,” he starts softly, eyes on his left hand, moving over the strings, ”I have slept many hundred nights, and people’ve said hello and bye through the years since you were mine. But don’t think I’ll stop my mourning, don’t I know it’s overdue. Just because I’ve gotten older, none the wiser I cry for you.”
”Honey, cutie, sweetie-pie,” ”My darling boy, sweet old times, as long as I keep you in mind I will remember what love is like. So, don’t think I’ll stop my mourning, don’t I know it’s overdue.”
”Just because I’ve gotten older, none the wiser.”
”I cry for you.”
I’M THINKING OF WRITING MY OWN SONG BECAUSE I WAS THIS MOMENT TO BE MORE BEFORE SUNSET THAN ANYTHING, ALL SMILES AND DRAMA FREE. SO MAYBE A TEXT THAT IS A LITTLE MORE STRAIGHTFORWARD.
Ian plays the song and when he’s done, Mickey kisses him and they have really enthusiastic sex on the couch. Mickey is about to leave after when Ian invites him to stay,
How about some long-ass foreplay on the couch and then they move into the bedroom.
They start on the couch, they take it to the bedroom, they collapse on the bed after and Mickey is feeling too good to argue when Ian mumbles at him to “stay”.
(Sings the song, says it doesn’t mean anything. It’s just a song, it’s one quick thought put under a spotlight. Feeling like he should have known Mickey his whole life already. It’s too much, isn’t it? In the kitchen.
”do you normally take guys home and serenade them?”
”nah, don’t think it’d be very effective with most.”
”But you figured I’d swoon?”
”Figured you’d want the truth.”
”which is?”)
??? Need to find a good mix of excitement and new and easy, balanced with ho shit wtf are we doing this isn’t going to end well i think i fucking love him shut the fuck up. needs to be sexy and a little rough, as well as painfully sincere against better knowledge. kissing will do that. they’re doing stuff the way they usually do stuff, but for some reason it feels completely different.
Important that Mickey kisses him.
They stand up and stand chest to chest, Ian says they don’t have to do anything, Mickey says shut up and get naked
he helps ian take his shirt off and kisses him the second his face comes back into view
They fucks on the couch.
OR ALT FADE CUT END and don’t go explicit. Just saying, it’s an option. A valid option.
They can go at it in one of the sequels? Like the roadtrip can be more explicit? If I want? But also not?
I mean, there is such a thing as a nice middle ground right.
I just don’t think I’m interested in going all out porn after 40+ chapters of whatever.
THEY KISS AND THEN THERE’S A MOTHERFUCKING FADE TO BLACK MY FRIEND, BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT I HAVE DECIDED. Soz
WHAT IF!!
Iggy comes in, is all: guess what I found at the dentist this morning?
M: again? Did Amelia break another tooth?
I: It’ll grow back, take a look at this
E: Did you steal that from the dentist’s office?
M: Rolling Stone, wtf?
E: your dentist’s got rolling stone?
Mickey reads the headlines out loud as a customer comes in and asks Etch about something they’ve lost the other day, and Etch starts rifling through boxes behind the counter as Mickey moves over to sit down in Ian’s booth, rifling through the magazine.
M: what am I looking for?
I: I marked the page
E: what’s this note?
Mickey starts reading the article, realizing that the blurred picture is of Ian, and the interview is with Ian, and holy shit. Ian is legit famous.
Etch starts reading the list of coffees, eventually turning the page over and pointing out that there’s a phone number.
Iggy comes to the diner in the morning, Etch is rifling through stuff behind the counter and Mickey is doing the rounds with the few guests still there after the morning rush.
Iggy shows him the magazine he found at the dentist’s and Etch is in the background like wtf is this, reading from Ian’s note with the coffee orders, Mickey only half listens, trying to take in the fact that Ian is fucking famous.
Etch says there’s a phone number too and Mickey brushes him off.
Then he’s like, hold the fuck up! And gets the note from the trash and tries the number, and Ian fucking answers. And they have the you’re famous conversation on the phone and voila, Mickey has his number and vice versa.
So Mickey calls Ian in the morning, then there’s text talk during the day.
From Ian
So, you’ve had my number for x days and you only now decided to use it?
That’s cold.
From Mickey
You wrote it on a piece of paper you then balled up and threw on the floor, asshole, it’s a miracle it didn’t end up in the trash. didn’t know I had it until this morning.
You suck at this. (This is a nice revelation that he likes, but Maybe that doesn’t come across in text.
Not a complaint btw, just gleeful observation.
From Ian
Are we still on?
From Mickey
Of course.
Dumbass.
Ian
I probably deserved that.
At some point Mickey starts capslocking and sending lyrics to Ian, who has to explain through text why he’s written songs about Mickey, saying that he’ll point them out tonight.
HERE’S A QUESTION
SHOULD I SKIP THE WHOLE “WRITING SONGS ABOUT MICKEY” BUSINESS??
Isn’t it enough that Ian is famous and kept this fact from Mickey? Isn’t the writing songs business a little creepy? and if he did write songs about Mickey, would he really publish them without Mickey’s consent? No. Maybe I’m deliriously tired and about to fall ill right now, but I actually think I should skip that part. It’s a little sad because it’s been part of this idea for three years, but if I’m uncertain about it now imagine how I’m going to feel about it later?
When I started writing this story, it was supposed to be a quick and silly thing, and now it’s something else. It’s not important or anything, but also it is. To me. And making a decision on the rating was a big deal for me, and I think this is another one of those things. I’ve been holding on to this idea for so long but when I really think about it, is it even romantic? It’s romantic in that kind of teenage dream way, maybe? It’s more romantic to me if they fall in love for reasons other than Ian writing songs. But he’s written NTW, and he still thinks about performing it live, but we skip the whole thing about songs being about Mickey.
So they talk on the phone in the morning, and then there’s a text coming in after a little while asking if Mickey wants to come to the show.
HEYHO IT’S A REVOLUTION AND I FEEL FREE
Mickey and Ian text after the show (after Mickey declines going backstage) Ian asks him to meet him round back in twenty minutes. When Mickey goes out there, he sees Ian talking to a couple of fans by the bus and Mickey hangs back to smoke while he waits. The fans leave and Ian looks around, checks his watch, he has a bunch of guitars with him.
I AM LEANING HEAVILY TOWARDS MICKEY KISSING IAN HERE. He’s like “Stop, hold this” giving Ian back the guitar, so he can grab on to him and kiss him, smiling against Ian lips as the guitar tips over and clatters against the asphalt.
They’re outside Ian’s house, Ian says he has to get up at an unholy hour tomorrow. Invites him in anyway.
They’re in the elevator, then they’re in Ian’s apartment. Ian plays him the song, Before sunset ending.
almost none of that rhymed, just letting you know. kinda embarrassing.
(almost none of that rhymed, just letting you know. kinda embarrassing.
yeah, it’s not a very good song. is why we cut it from the record
oh yeah? thought it was ‘cause of the like, intensely personal subject
that too)
They smile at each other like fools and Mickey feels like he is exactly where he’s supposed to be, and there’s no rush. Fade to black.
Etch finds the paper, says there’s a phone number on it. Mickey dials the number and goes out back as it rings out. When Ian answers, he reads a question from the interview and they talk.
He goes back into the diner and basically blows the whole thing off, it doesn’t make any difference to him and he has to go back to work. Yevgeny does his homework and Iggy leaves, and Ian invites Mickey to the gig via text. Etch invites Yevgeny to stay over at theirs for a movie night.
Does Mickey tell Yev about the gig?
Start with Mickey out back, smoking. The phone rings and he waits for Etch to take it, but it keeps ringing. He bangs the door and yells PHONE and then it stops ringing. He kills the cigarette and goes back inside. Etch is behind the counter talking on the phone and going through the lost and found, looking for whatever the caller has lost. Mickey clears a table. It’s afternoon. Etch hangs up but keeps going through stuff in the box, talking to Mickey, when Iggy comes in.
It’s maybe more like afternoon (?) when Iggy comes in and shows Mickey the magazine. He calls Ian and they have a quick conversation (he probably goes outside to have it, to escape his audience) and they establish that Ian is sorta famous. Then they text back and forth a little, until Ian invites him to the show.
Mickey calls Svet to arrange it so Yev can stay with her, and then accepts. He goes home after work to eat, have a shower and change out of his clothes. He wears the only band tee he owns, mostly because it’s funny and because it’s kinda tight and he doesn’t think he looks too bad in it (and a dress shirt is way too much for a concert not-date, not that he tried on a couple first. Then he does a little bit of cyberstalking only to find very little personal information and a lot of crazy fans. Maybe he watches a couple of music videos, but they’re all really weird cartoons so they give him nothing. They’re cool though, and guess the music’s alright, even though he doesn’t have a connection yet to it so it’s hard to tell if he likes it.
Yevgeny calls, because Mickey switched the days and he wants to know why. Mickey asks if he knows about the Broken Bells, and Yev’s like duh who doesn’t? And freaks out when Mickey tells him about Ian. He doesn’t tell him about the whole date situation though, just that he’s going to the concert. Maybe Yev asks for some merch.
Mickey takes an Uber to the venue, even though it’s not too far from the diner (but on the other side, so at least a 30 minute walk) and it seems like they’ve already started letting people in. He hangs back until the admissions office is clear and then tells the lady that he’s on some kinda guest list. She can’t find him, and he’s about to give up and go home when he sees a familiar figure in the background. He calls her Stay-puft first, but then also remembers that her name is Anne and calls her that too. She remembers him, and finds him on a different (VIP) list, the venue staff woman is embarrassed, but Anne is borderline flirting she’s so nice about the mistake. Mickey gets a pass that he’s supposed to keep around his neck, but he shows it to the guards and then tucks it down his back pocket. Anne shows him inside the venue and asks if he wants to come backstage and say hello, but he kindly declines.
He has a quick peruse of the merch table (he checks the CDs, and then sees a smaller table next to the merch with a guy handing out pins, Mickey talks to him and finds out that it’s “fan club” pins to commemorate the gig and Mickey asks if his VIP pass gets him one, it does, and then the guy asks if Mickey wants to sign up for the newsletter) and then gets a beer, before finding a good spot on the mezzanine floor. He’s got a balcony railing for support and beer holder, and he’s got an excellent view of the stage. The floor is filling up with people packing themselves against the front. He texts Ian saying he’s here and they text a little back and forth. He gets someone to watch his spot and goes to the restroom. There, he finds a kid getting cornered by a middle-aged man. The kid looks vaguely familiar and not older than sixteen. Mickey steps in and casually accuses the guy of creeping on a kid and the guy immediately backs off, the kid says thanks and that he’s eighteen (because it’s an 18+ gig) and Mickey says sure.
Getting back to his spot, There is a douchebag on a date behind him that he wants to move away from, but he doesn’t want to surrender his good spot. He decides to tune him out, he’ll hopefully shut up once the set starts. It’s just a couple of minutes after eight when the lights dim and a song comes on louder than before, and the band start coming out on the stage. Ian is wearing jeans and a hoodie, like he normally does, but he’s clean shaven and his normally smiling face is set in blank determination. Anne is the front person, and she commands the audience with the slightest gesture. It’s obvious that the venue is filled with old fans, they all know exactly what to do exactly when she asks them to do it. Ian’s got like four guitars and a whole lot of other shit around him, and he’s super focused on doing his stuff, but now and then he does little routines with Anne and Jon, and gets a big cheer for his occasional solos.
A few songs in, Ian gets up to stand on one of the oil barrels, and Anne starts banging on it with a crowbar. That’s when Mickey starts to really get into it. It’s cool, and it’s a lot harder than Ian made it out to be, but kind of theatrical at the same time. Ian is brilliant, even though he dances like an uncoordinated stripper.
There is banter between the songs, mainly between Anne and Stran (girl sure bangs those drums!) Anne starts banging one of the oil barrels again and Ian and Jon do a little step dance next to each other across the scene.
At some point Ian takes off his hoodie. He’s wearing a white tank and he’s already sweating through it. He gives his guitar to Anne and puts on gloves. Him and Stran do a little bant-y thing and then they start a new song by both banging the barrels in unison while Anne and Jon start playing (maybe Jon plays something else, like an electric piano or a marimba?). At the crescendo of the song, Ian takes out a baseball bat and goes to town on the barrel, sweat shining on his muscly arms and his wet hair flopping down his forehead.
They go off the stage, but come back when the crowd chants a song, stomping their feet and clapping their hands. Anne says they’ve got one more song for them, and they start playing. She moves away from the microphone and it looks for a second like Ian is going to step up and sing. Douchebag behind Mickey tells his date about an unreleased b-side to the last album. But then Ian steps back and says something to Stran, who nods and moves into a slightly different beat. Without blinking Anne, steps back up to the mic and sings the last song.
Some of the crowd lingers by the stage after the lights have gone back on, but most move towards the bar or the merch table. Mickey hangs back to watch the crew take down the stage, and the two oil barrels being handed over to someone in the audience, along with set lists and left-over picks. Walking down from the mezzanine floor to go look for the restrooms, a fight breaks out on the floor. Mickey immediately recognizes one of them as Lip and the other one as the creep from the bathroom, and intervenes by clearly positioning himself on Lip’s side and reminding the creep that he could get him in trouble, the creep backs off and agrees when Mickey tells the security guards it was an accident (in a way that isn’t obviously helpful, but in the end still makes sure that Lip isn’t hurt or arrested for punching a guy) (because he did, he punched a guy, who is thrown out by the guards after Mickey’s intervention). Lip, Carl, Debbie, and Liam is there, but it’s only Lip who knows who Mickey is. He hangs back to talk to Mickey while his siblings go backstage (and PROBABLY DOESN’T tell him a little bit about the guy being Ian’s ex, making it clear that Lip really doesn’t like him). He also apologizes to Mickey for last time. He asks if Mickey wants to go backstage, but Mickey declines. He’s decided earlier with Ian through text that he’ll wait for him and thinks it’s better to do it somewhere that isn’t backstage where he might get asked questions and have to talk to people who aren’t Ian.
He gets another beer and stands in the bar next to the merch, watching as Ian and the rest of the band come out to sign some stuff and shake hands. Ian still looks slightly damp from sweat, even though he’s obviously changed clothes and run a towel through his hair. Mickey wonders if his skin tastes like salt. He drinks his beer.
Ian comes up to him after a little while, asking well? (or texts him, which probably makes more sense? But I also want Mickey to see Ian post-show)
Not bad Gallagher, not bad at all.
Ian looks pleased and asks if Mickey wants to come over, even though Ian has an early morning. Mickey says yes and Ian asks him to wait until they’re done packing up.
Mickey finishes his beer, goes to the restroom (where he sees douchebag by the urinal) and then he goes outside to wait for Ian. (He talks to douchebag’s date and offers to get her a taxi before the guy comes out.) He smokes a cigarette, and before he knows it, Ian is by his side, carrying a fuck ton of guitars. They decide to walk, for some reason, talking on the way.
HEY
Ian says he’s got a car coming and they walk a little bit to where they’re getting picked up. They talk about trumpet lips and stuff and Mickey kisses him. They get interrupted by the car arriving, and Ian picks up his guitars and says “you coming?”
Fuck yes
They sit in silence in the car, but it’s a good one. Ian says
Lip told me what you did back there.
He didn’t tell you shit.
He did, told me you stepped in and stopped him from getting arrested
He was getting his ass kicked, someone had to help the guy
And Liam told me you got him out of a tough situation in the restroom
That was Liam? Some pedo’s creeping on a kid by the urinal, I’m not gonna stand by doing nothing.
You know that’s not what happened
Yeah, well, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
He isn’t a pedo, and Lip would’ve beat the shit outta him if you hadn’t stepped in.
You defending this guy?
No, trying to say thanks.
You’re shit at it.
Thank you, Mickey
Better.
So… friend of yours.
No. (Ian isn’t forthcoming with the info)
Alright, whatever.
And he’s definitely not someone I wanna talk about, tonight.
(Ian is smiling at him, all the promise in the world in his eyes)
Fucking fair enough.
They arrive.
OR Ian joins Mickey outside and they stand around and talk
They talk about Ian’s Tom Waits impression. You’re not musically illiterate at all! Talk about Mickey’s Radiohead tee that he stole from a hookup when he was sixteen, he’s grown into it now. Talk about Ian’s onstage dancing, used to be a stripper, well, not saying you can’t still do private performances (?? you know what I mean! this is not what they’re saying but you’ll remember it)
Talk about wanting to learn playing the trumpet. Don’t have trumpet playing lips.
”Sure you and your lips can do whatever you set your heart to, I believe in you.”
Looks at Mickey and smiles.
”What?”
”You’ve been flirting with me since we first met, haven’t you?”
”Maybe.”
”Huh”
“What?”
“Oh nothing.” “Just re-evaluating everything you’ve ever said to me.”
”Re-evaluate this;” gives Ian the finger.
”That an invitation?”
”Fuck you is what it is,”
“sounds like an invitation.”
That’s when a taxi pulls up and Ian walks toward it
Could use some help with these.
They ride in silence
They carry Ian’s instruments from the car, and Ian says something cute
Mickey’s like “Stop, hold this” giving Ian back the guitar, so he can grab on to him and kiss him, smiling against Ian lips as the guitar tips over and clatters on the asphalt.
They’re outside Ian’s house, Ian says he has to get up at an unholy hour tomorrow. Invites him in anyway.
There he asks Ian to play him something that other people don’t get to hear (mostly to be a cheeky monkey, but also because he wants it) and Ian plays him None the wiser.
I’ve walked a thousand miles to end up in your corner booth
Grinning idiot when you bitch, falling fool for your dirty mouth
Sitting on my busy hands when you swagger by and I say -
Hey waiter, pour some coffee in my cup and bring me my toast, before you fuck me up
I’ve been in some thousand fights and it’s clear that so have you, too
Faded threats and cigarettes, sharp glass polished by the sea
Wish you’d put your hands on me and make your feelings clear
Hey waiter
meet me ‘round the back door, tell me I’ve got it wrong and fuck me up some more
‘Cause I’ve fallen a thousand times but never felt this way before, like I should have met you long ago
Walked with you by my side and had your back through thick and thin
Sickness and health, come what may, and I say-
Hey waiter
pop the damn champagne
None the wiser
you fuck me up again
Hey waiter
tell me you’ll be mine
I’ll give you my life
and fuck you up in kind
I wish I was just a plain white shirt
then you could wear me off to work
and I’d be one of the things you keep close to your heart
soft white cotton wrapped around your heart
(Contrasts have faded now
but color still haunt my mind
And words ripped off from their lines
Make bitter tears flood my eyes
Don’t think I’ll stop my mourning
Don’t I know it’s overdue
Just because I’ve gotten older
None the wiser, I cry for you)
Honey, cutie, sweetie-pie
My darling boy, sweet old times
As long as I keep you in mind
I will remember what love is like
So, don’t think I’ll stop my mourning
Don’t I know it’s overdue
Just because I’ve gotten older
None the wiser, I cry for you
’Cause I always say ’I love you’
when I mean ’turn out the light’
And I say ’let’s run away’
when I just mean ’stay the night’
But the words you want to hear
you will never hear from me
I’ll never say ’happy anniversary’
Never stay to say ’happy anniversary’
Bom-chaka bom-chak 23 verses
And he climbed up a mountain
And he looked around
Some kind of forest
With all these dinosaurs
And he stripped his woman
He stripped her bare
But there was a pterodactyl
There!
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swiftlymoniquesblog · 4 years
Text
Into the Unknown- Sam Winchester x Reader
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The reader is a Disnerd and is obsessed with Frozen. She watches the movie constantly and plays the soundtrack at high volume in the Bunker. How do the Winchester Brothers react?
A/N: So, I just watched Frozen II with my Mom last night and my favorite song is Into the Unknown. Panic! At The Disco’s version is really good too! I’ve been this singing this song like crazy so I thought to incorporate the Winchesters into my singing world.
DISCLOSURE: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE RIGHTS TO DISNEY OR ITS AFFILIATES! Lyrics are used for reference purposes ONLY 
Warnings: Dean being (slightly) mean, fluff, Disney singing, Sam being adorable
Word Count: 1429
Masterlist
There was something about the Frozen movies that just inspired you. Whether it was the bond between sisters, Anna and Elsa learning to respect each other’s differences and learning to love one another, or the goofiness and all-around adorable snowman that is Olaf. Maybe Sven and Christoff are what you love; talking Reindeer’s are the big thing. Whatever the case may be, you couldn’t get enough! You’ve sat and watched the movie religiously since it came out on DVD and you played the soundtrack on repeat from your room, occasionally leaving the door open. Especially when the brothers or Cas weren’t around, you’d leave your bedroom door open and crank your TV as loud as you could. The song you loved the most was Into the Unknown. Something about this song stood out to you more than the others. You can relate to needing to follow someone or something into the unknown; that described your hunter life. Originally, you were just a normal college student but soon after you graduated, your brother was killed by a shapeshifter and with the help from the Winchesters, you eventually defeated the monster and joined their little “clan” of Supernatural hunters. 
One day, while Sam, Dean and Castiel had been out on a hunt, you decided to clean up around the Bunker so of course, you played Into the Unknown and sang along as loudly as you could. You hadn’t realized the other hunts had come back earlier than they said they were going to, so you didn’t hear them come in. They remained silent as you continue singing and cleaning. Everyone froze in their places; your voice was captivating to them. No, you didn’t see yourself as a great singer, yet the angel and the Winchesters couldn’t seem to do anything at the sound of your voice. Sam, Dean, and Cas appeared to have been in a trance, and as you turned around, you jumped when you saw them staring at you.
“Holy shit you guys, you scared me! What…what the hell are you guys doing home so early?” You say, holding your hand over your chest. 
“We finished our hunt a bit earlier than we thought it would take,” Cas explained. 
“Oh, well, sorry, let me turn this off then.” You say, hitting the power button on the small remote you took with you to control your TV. 
“You didn’t have to do that, Y/N. We thought you sounded good.” Sam complimented you, to which you just blew him off. Not being rude to him, you just smiled and looked away from him. Compliments from Sam were something that meant a lot to you. He didn’t give them out often, but when he did, it hit home for you. You admit, you had a big crush on the younger Winchester but admitting that to him is something you can’t do. Not like he had a long relationship with anyone and it wasn’t his fault either. 
“Well, I, uh, I’m going back to my room.” You scurry off as quickly as you could, ignoring the calls from Sam.
“That was weird. I hope she’s okay.” Sam says to his brother and best friend.
“Who knows with her. She’s kinda moody sometimes.” Dean says, to which Sam whacks his arm. “Ow!” 
“I wonder if she is menstruating.” Castiel suddenly said, surprising both Winchesters.
“What?” Dean asked, eyeing the angel suspiciously. 
“Well, I read in one of the books I found in the library about women and it said when they menstruate, they tend to be very ‘moody.’” Cas explained.
“How can you read about that crap, Cas?!” Dean asked, astonished the angel would find interest in that topic. 
“It’s good stuff to know Dean. Y/N is the only female in this Bunker. Being able to help her out wouldn’t kill us.” Sam said.
“Whatever, you guys can help with the blood and mood swings,” Dean said, shivering at the thought. 
“Good to know where you stand, man,” Sam said, rolling his eyes at his brother. 
******************************************************************
Sam’s POV
Into the unknown
Into the unknown
Into the unknown
(Oh)
I can hear you but I won't
Some look for trouble while others don't
There's a thousand reasons I should go about my day
And ignore your whispers which I wish would go away, oh
Whoa
You're not a voice, you're just a ringing in my ear
And if I heard you, which I don't, I'm spoken for I fear
Everyone I've ever loved is here within these walls
I'm sorry, secret siren, but I'm blocking out your calls
I've had my adventure, I don't need something new
I'm afraid of what I'm risking if I follow you
The lyrics to that song from Frozen was playing from Y/N’s room again. She’s been listening to it nonstop and singing her little heart out. Honestly, I loved the sound so I crept over to her room, and leaned in close, to hear her voice better. 
Into the unknown
Into the unknown
Into the unknown
(Oh)
(Oh)
God her voice was absolutely beautiful. Snap out of Sam! You can’t think like that. Don’t let her get too close; you can’t lose her like all the others.
“Whatcha doing little brother?” Dean said, suddenly appearing behind me.
“Jesus, Dean! Quit doing that!” 
“Are you spying on y/n?”
“No, I’m listening to her sing.” 
“She’s singing that stupid Frozen song again, isn’t she?” 
“Yeah.”
Dean rolls his eyes, “can’t she pick any better songs?”
“Oh, leave her alone, Dean! I think she sounds beautiful.” I defend y/n.
“Really?” 
“Yeah, haven’t you seen the way her face lights up when she watches the movie? How passionately she sings? I mean, you can tell it’s from within.”
“And you’ve noticed all this?” 
“I have.”
Then Dean gasps, “oh my God, you like y/n!”
My eyes widen. “What? No, no I don’t like her.” I scoff.
“Oh yeah? ‘Do you see the way her face lights up?’ ‘I think she sounds beautiful?’ Dean mimics me, proving his point. 
“Okay, okay, fine. I might have a bit of a crush on y/n.”
“Ha, I knew it! Sammy’s in love!” Dean cheered.
“First off, it’s Sam. Second, I’m not ‘in love’ I just, really care about her.”
“Sure, you do. Okay, well, you gotta tell her! Y/N!” Before I even get to react, Dean calls for the girl and, I begin to panic.
“Hey guys, what are you doing in the hallway?” She asks, opening the door, and looking at us. She looks adorable, with her hair tied back in a high ponytail, a tank top, and short shorts.
“Sam has something he’d like to talk to you about,” Dean said, turning to look at me, while I just stood awkwardly. 
“What’s up, Sam?” She questions me, craning her neck a bit to look up at me.
“I uh….”
“Sam? What’s going on? You know you can trust me; we’re best friends.”
“I know, y/n, I know. I just. Okay, please let me get this out before you say anything.”
“Alright.” She says, crossing her arms over her chest, that doesn’t do too well at showing she’s not wearing a bra. Damnit, Sam, focus!
“Okay, well since you first came to live here, I was immediately attracted to you but I didn’t want to ruin things between us, just in case you didn’t feel the same, and the fact we live in the same place might make it all uncomfortable. I swear I tried fighting it but then you started singing Frozen songs and you make this really cute face when you watch the movie; your whole face lights up! And I really care about you and don’t want anything to happen to you. I have a strong need to protect you at all times and to be near you. And if that scares you, then good. Cause I’m absolutely terrified of falling in love with my best friend.”
“Sam, I-I’m so glad you said that because I am too. I am so scared to fall in love, let alone with you, but if you’re willing to, I want to give this thing a try. I really like you, too.” She says.
“Oh, thank God!” I said, bringing her close to me to seal our deal with a kiss.
“Okay, this is weird since I’m pretty much half-naked here.” She laughs.
“Nah, it's fine. This is a really good look on you.” I wink at her, leaning down to kiss her again. 
“Will you watch this with me?” She asks.
“I would be honored.”
Tag list (requests are open) @fandom-princess-forevermore​ @forever-trapped-in-my-dreams​ @simpleboox​ @juju-la-tortue​ @marvelfansworld​ @tloveswriting​ @67-chevy-baby​
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theseerasures · 4 years
Text
Frozen 2 Reactions, Pass #2
went to see the movie again yesterday, which helped solidify a few more thoughts percolating in the back of my head. i don’t think this one will be QUITE as long as the first, but everything’s going under a cut anyway because i’ve met me
tbh most of this is just me dunking on Elsa
one of the things that i think both helped AND hindered the movie is that they really did make an effort to make the sequel its own separate story from the original--hence the timeskip, the retcons, and so forth. on the positive end of things there’s obviously a much lower barrier of entry for the like...three people who never watched the first movie, and the characters get to feel more grown up while remaining (thanks no doubt to the writing team remaining much the same) consistent enough that the changes to their personalities still make sense. it never feels like it’s retreading old ground, and if fans want to connect the new ideas and themes to the older material (and i count myself among those, what with my first fic in almost four years being about exactly that), there are plenty of kernels with which to do so.
on the other hand: some of the new plot stuff really just DOESN’T work with what’s already been established. chief among those is the idea that ~~~the story of the enchanted forest with requisite creepy lullaby~~~ is a well remembered bedtime story for BOTH Anna and Elsa?? like what does this imply about their childhood? that their parents told them this same bedtime story over and over again, but separately in their own respective rooms? that Elsa got charming bedtime stories about magic-based conflict and war???
(”yeah papa!!! please tell me again about how magic can not only kill people but also SUNDER AN ENTIRE LAND FROM REALITY, that story’s my favorite!!! looking forward to some really spirited nightmares tonight!”)
or are we supposed to assume this is like. the thing bad Batman writers try to do where everything poignant that has ever happened to Bruce happened the night his parents were murdered? that Elsa and Anna remember the story only because it was the night of the Accident (tm)? because that’s...also stupid, i gotta say.
i love that Elsa’s verse in this song start with “the winds are restless” bc it’s exactly the way i imagine her starting conversations with her hapless subjects. “good morning, Your Majesty! how goes the kingdom?” “the winds are restless” “...” “...” “...yes. that was...something i noticed as well”
Local Sisters Make Every Time They See Each Other in Town a God Damn Event
ever since @professorspork pointed out how stupid the “and i promise you the flag of Arendelle will always fly” line is in Some Things Never Change i haven’t been able to stop laughing about it. it’s just such a BLATANT telegraph: “whooo!!! yes! Arendelle!!! we all love that place and want to save it, and you can tell because the song said so!”
the Friends shot of them all walking back to the castle and Anna has kicked her heels off is great though i love it
also love the multitude of shots where it’s Elsa and someone else and we get a peek at her silent reactions to whatever the other person is saying. not since Legolas have we been blessed with so many memeable dumb faces
“ah yes, Mama’s words! cuddle close, scootch in! you remember her saying that all the time right Elsa?? after all it’s not like you have any decade-long baggage about not being able to be near anyone, most especially family members, because you were deathly afraid that you’d instantly murder them”
more thoughts on why Into the Unknown stands out so vividly in my mind: the first movie’s songs by and large did a VERY good job of moving plot around while still exploring character emotion. Do You Want to Build a Snowman moves us through ten YEARS of story, while still leaving space for long, unsung moments where we just get to process what’s going on between the sisters as they grow up. For the First Time in Forever catches us up with the sisters, gets the gates open, and has Anna meet Hans at the end, a pivotal moment for both her and the plot. Love Is an Open Door has them get engaged and sets up the rest of the story. Let It Go is Elsa’s big character shift and sets up the goal for the other characters: the ice palace is where they all need to go to bring back summer. the FtFTiF reprise begins the endgame. the other songs are all more fluff pieces that JUST serve to introduce characters, which is why they’re...not as good, and most people don’t really care about them, but we can accept that they’re there because the strength of the other material.
with Frozen 2...Into the Unknown is pretty much the ONLY song that fits into the first category: Elsa works through her conflicted feelings about wanting to explore the unknown, AND wakes up the spirits (sidebar: her pure joy at using her powers to communicate with the spirits is SO GOOD, guys. it gets me every time). the other ones just kind of transporting their singers into the Emotional Expression Dimension for them to do their thing. sometimes the songs transport them to the next plot point while they’re singing, but nothing really happens DURING them. i can give Some Things Never Change a pass on this because it’s supposed to be about stasis (and because i’ve bitched about it enough on other fronts), but much as i love Lost in the Woods and Next Right Thing for their character exploration they’re really just music videos to get us to the next scene. Next Right Thing is particularly egregious about locking the plot in the boot--the ENTIRE sequence is just Anna climbing or slumping against random rocks until the song ends and she can actually move the story along. one could make an argument that Show Yourself does get stuff done, but it’s still mostly Elsa running around in a cave for three entire minutes before we get to that point
i don’t think Get This Right is perfect but it DOES pull off the multitasking well, and it would have not only resolved the torturously stretched engagement subplot early on but creates a nice thematic echo to Love Is an Open Door: she really knows Kristoff, she really loves him, and she proposes. it’s her choice.
Kristoff’s line about question of how/question of whether works great for highlighting his continued insecurities, but again: either we’re supposed to think he’s wrong and Anna has ALSO been thinking in terms of how and she’s just been too busy in sister-drama-land, and this whole plot should have been resolved early, or we’re supposed to think that Anna really ISN’T on the same page, in which case they...probably should have a serious conversation about where they see their relationship going and not just get engaged at the end because Elsa made a new dress
as soon as an HD version comes out i demand a gifset juxtaposing Anna slumped against a rock with Anna slumped against Elsa’s door at the end of Do You Want to Build a Snowman, because this whole sequence is where the distance between sequel and original really WORKED. Anna is singing about how alone she feels, how she’s never felt such darkness before, when we know that that’s...not true. she's felt pretty close before--not long ago that was her whole LIFE. it’s natural for her to feel this way, because being knocked off your happiness always hurts more than never having it in the first place, but we the audience get to have faith in her, because we remember. eventually she does too, and now she knows exactly how resilient she can be, exactly how strong she’s ALWAYS been.
the animated faces are SO GOOD. we see Anna flicker through seventeen feelings at once when Kristoff rescues her from the dam: delayed fear, relief, and--this is the crucial one for me--horror that she survived, because that means she’s going to have to live with the fact that Elsa didn’t.
Elsa riding into the sunset of her sapphic life is great obviously but every time i see it i worry that the movie is going to end with the same face smear effect as the Prisoner of Azkaban movie
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keelywolfe · 4 years
Text
FIC: Separate Lives (spicyhoney)
Summary: Edge can't be anyone but himself, but he is nothing that Rus needs.
Notes:  This story strikes me as almost an AU of 'By Any Other Name', what might've happened if Stretch and Edge didn't get together. Sadness ahead!
Tags: Underfell Papyrus, Underswap Papyrus, Undertale Monsters on the Surface, Angst, Self-Worth Issues, Post-Break Up, Yearning
Read It On AO3
or
Read It Here!
~~*~~
It was past dark by the time Edge returned home from work. The lights in the main room turned on automatically as he stepped inside, closing the door against the chilly evening air. He hung up his jacket in the closet, keys deposited in a decorative bowl on a small table by the front door, shoes lined up carefully on the mat.
Dinner was waiting for him, already prepared in the crock pot which in his opinion was one of the best inventions Humans ever developed. Perhaps some gourmands would be rolling in their graves if they were forced to taste his modified version of beef bourguignon, but if so, they could keep their complaints beneath the ground.
He changed before he ate, hanging up his suit carefully and dressing in a soft pullover and jeans. When the workday was done, it was best to get out of that mindset and a simple change of clothes helped to keep him from turning Embassy issues over in his head all night long.
He ate at the table in silence, washed his plate and set it in the drainer.
Mettaton was on and he watched the variety show. The detective movie. Even the Quiz show. If he were asked tomorrow what any of them were about, he wouldn’t have been able to think of a single word.
His sockets felt dry and grainy by then, exhaustion starting to pull him down; he was tired and tomorrow would be an early day, technically today, and--
But his cell phone ringing cut off anything else.
He waited for the second ring to answer, “Hello.”
“heya, bestie,” The voice on the other side of the line was low and amused. “didn’t wake you up, did i.”
Edge relaxed back into the sofa cushions and closed his sockets, allowing that husky, malted voice to roll over him. “Would you care if you had?”
“nah. we both know you were waiting by the phone.” Rus said it teasingly, unaware of the uncomfortable truth.
“With bated breath,” Edge said dryly.
“heh, well, you can cut your fishing trip short cause here i am. told you i’d call when i got home safe.” The blurred, liquid quality to his laughter implied several drinks over the course of the night. His eye lights would be bright from the alcohol, faint orange bleeding into the normal soft white. There was the sound of rustling, perhaps blankets, it could be that Rus was lying in the unmade mess of his own bed, looking up at the ceiling with Edge’s voice in his skull.
“At 2am?” Distantly said, the words weren’t ones he wanted to think too closely about. “Burning the late-night oil, were you.”
Rus made a rude, scoffing sound, punctuated by the creak of the bed frame and there was a soft thunk, quickly followed by a second; he must be kicking off his shoes. “it was a date, not a tinder hookup! gotta take a little time, you know, get to know them, takes a few hours. isn’t that what a date is for? getting to know someone, making a match, letting someone light my fire.”
“Knowing your jokes, he was probably ready for the burn unit by the end of the night.” Perhaps he took an Uber home, alone, perhaps he’d allowed his date to take him. A last few teasing jokes before he got out of the car or perhaps leaning in through the driver’s side window. Perhaps, perhaps—
“ouch, okay, i’m hanging up, i need to report a murder,” Rus laughed, then his voice dropped low, secretive. “speaking of fire, might not make it to the third date rule with this one, whoa, momma, he’s igniting something, all right.”
The low growl that escaped was not of his choosing and Edge stifled it immediately.
“didn’t catch that, what did you say?” More rustling sounds, Rus’s voice was muffled, likely pulling off his sweatshirt. There was a heavy flump of it hitting the floor and Edge could see it very clearly. The clutter of dirty clothing littered around with the occasional empty honey bottle sprouting through, a trash flower blooming through fabric. Rus lying back on the sheets, rib cage bare, the path of his spine leading to his pelvis where his pants interrupted the journey. Or perhaps not, perhaps he’d already kicked them off to join their brethren, another patch in his laundry garden. Perhaps he was dressed only in his own bare, lovely bones, perhaps--
"Oh, I was just thinking,” Edge said lightly, “that you might try playing a little hard to get. That is, if you’re hoping for something past date three.”
“we’ll see,” doubtfully, rich with amusement, “anyway, i’m home safe, worry wart, didn't end up in any stranger's dust pan. you can get some sleep now. night, edgelord, see you tomorrow.”
“Good night, Rus.”
Edge disconnected the call and sat on his sofa with his phone in his hand for a long time.
~~*~~
Once, he’d been the one on the verge of date three, all of Rus’s teasing flirtations forging a direct path to it. Edge was the one who stopped things there, halted them at the crossroads to choose a different path.
He could still clearly remember Rus’s face when he’d told him; the bland acceptance complicit with the way he blinked a little too often, a fraction too hard. There would be no third date, but when Edge offered friendship, Rus took it eagerly, and now, months later, they were best of friends despite their differences.
It was for the best, Edge knew, necessary, the only choice Edge could make. He’d needed to break things off before he learned how Rus’s mouth tasted, before he ever felt him in his arms.
Dates were a chance to get to know someone, Rus said, a learning experience of sorts, and what Edge learned all too quickly was that Rus deserved better than he could offer.
Truth be told, he should have cut him off entirely, kept his distance rather than endure this slow, aching torture. It was a weakness, Edge supposed. Too weak to properly let Rus go, but at least like this the only person he was hurting was himself.
They were friends, the best of friends, and it was enough. It was.
~~*~~
The next morning Edge got up with his alarm. He went to work, did his job, came home. Left his shoes lined up by the door and listened when Rus called him to let him know he was home safe from his date.
Wash, rinse, repeat.
~~*~~
“unf, how do you always make the best stuff for lunch,” Rus said around his current mouthful. His chopsticks were delving back into his bowls, scooping up more noodles before he’d even swallowed the first round.
They were sitting together in the Embassy cafeteria as they always did on their once a week meeting. It was nothing unusual, hardly a second glance was sent their way. Everyone else was focused on their own lunches and conversations, a roomful of meandering chatter
“I like eating.” Edge took a bite from his own bowl with more care. The broth was rich and salty, the noodles cooked to satisfying perfection and generously flavored with plenty of scallions.
“please, everyone likes eating. most people, anyway. not everyone raises their game to an art form like you, damn.” Rus slurped up another mouthful of noodles and Edge reached over to slap him lightly on the back of the skull.
“Show some manners or you’re going to get banned from the museum,” Edge told him dryly. He looked down into his ramen bowl, swirling his chopstick through the broth. “Speaking of which, the Embassy is sponsoring an event this Friday at the Ebott Art Institute. Did you want to come?”
“can’t,” Rus said around a mouthful of soft-boiled egg. It should have been the furthest thing from charming. “got another date.”
“Date number three, isn’t it?” Edge said idly. As if he didn’t know very well. “I’m sure that will be far more entertaining than ‘Monster and Human Art Trends Through the Ages’.”
“might be, i’m a little more into current events. ‘specially when its currently in my bedroom. eh, don’t worry, edgelord, i bet you won’t have any trouble getting someone else as a go along.” Rus offered him a sharp grin and cast a glance over the room, his eye lights touching on various Monsters consideringly. Edge didn’t follow his gaze.
That would only be true if one considered his shadow a companion.
Edge didn’t answer him and asked instead, “You’ll call me when you get home?”
“wouldn’t dream of not, captain concern.” He ran his tongue over his teeth, banked heat hidden in his eye lights. “might just be a text, though. could be busy.”
“Of course,” Edge said crisply. He took another mouthful of noodles, too soft beneath the force of his teeth.
~~*~~
“you’re an idiot, you know.”
Edge stopped just inside the door of his office, sighing to see his brother sprawled out on the sofa. Instead of at one end, Red chose to lay on the middle cushion so he could prop his filthy boots up on the arm.
“Yes, please do instruct me on how I’ve failed you this time.” Edge took hold of the untied laces and yanked those boots roughly off the fine leather. Red only rolled with it, shifting to sit upright. His coat needed washing and Edge absently began making a plan on how to get him out of it long enough to do it.
“ain’t failing me,” Red scoffed. He pulled out a slender vial, tipping a toothpick into his hand, and the faint smell of cinnamon rose in the air. “too busy failing yourself.”
It would be better to ignore him. Eventually Red would get bored and either wander off or fall asleep, adding drool to the dirt he’d already gotten on the sofa. Either way, he’d be silent. That would be the intelligent thing to do. “How so?”
There was enough disgust in his expression to sting. “you think no one else can see it, don’t you? just cause rus can’t find his coccyx in broad daylight with both hands and a map don’t mean i’m blind.”
“You’re being ridiculous.” The noodles were long since incorporated into his magic, it wasn’t possible for them to churn within him nauseously. He went over to the coffee maker and poured out a cup.
“oh yeah?” Red’s eye lights glittered, the color of old blood, and his grin widening to border on vicious. “what about last movie night?”
Edge stilled, cup in hand.
He should have known that was what would give him away. His weaknesses would glare out for his brother, as easy to read as the daily newspaper.
Rus always sat next to him these days at the movie gatherings, the line of his body pressed lightly against Edge from their shoulders down to their knees. Sharing a large bowl of popcorn that Edge would eat too much of, glutting himself on greasy kernels until he felt nauseous for the simple reason that their hands would brush inside the bowl.
An utterly pathetic excuse for a too-brief touch and he was greedy for it, every time.
But last week, Rus fell asleep halfway through the movie. Sagging in increments, until he ended up in Edge’s lap, and Edge couldn’t remember a thing about the film. His only memory of that night was of warm weight against him, of soft, even breathing, the lingering drowsiness when Rus awoke, blinking up at him with languid temptation.
If the phone calls were slow torture, that evening was a white-hot spike through the soul, and all he’d done afterward was help Rus sit upright, let the others tease him for getting drool on Edge’s pantleg.
Red’s mouth twisted into a knowing sneer, “yeah, s’what i thought. you’re forgettin’ all your lessons, little brother.” He leaned forward and his expression was savage, gleaming teeth and blazing eye lights were of memory long past, of Underfell. “you want something that bad, you find a way to get it.” Then the fiery blaze eased, leaving nothing but soft crimson as Red sank back into the sofa cushions, his sharp-fingered hands clasped together over his middle. “unless you’re getting a little too used to the soft life on the surface, eh, boss?”
“Shut up,” Edge told him, the words felt brittle between his teeth.
Red’s laughter cut, the honest amusement at his expense. “truth hurts, yeah?”
He was gone in a shortcut, vanished before the hurled cup could hit him. It bounced uselessly off the empty cushion, hot coffee puddling on the leather.
Edge stood for too long, panting, staring at the ruined sofa, before he called down to housekeeping to send a cleaner to his office.
~~*~~
“home safe, edgelord, no one stayin’ over on either side.” Rus was a lot more drunk this time, all his words a soft slurry, blurred nearly to nonsense.
Edge closed his sockets, listening. It was well past three am, the Embassy event ended hours ago to muted applause and well-funded success. He’d been sitting here alone in his living room, tearing a magazine into little strips. The confetti of them flutter to the floor as he sat forward, “Are you all right?”
“jus’ fine, honey, i’m doing great. came home ‘lone, but he gave me a swell time first.”
The temptation was there to go to Rus’s home, to burst through the front door, ignore Blue’s surprised questions that demanded to know what he thought he was doing. To go up to Rus’s room, to pull him close, ignore the scent of someone else on him and— “You didn’t take my advice to play hard to get?”
“can’t play hard enough, never enough, is it. never. never ever ever,” Singsong sweet, tripping over his tongue, and it trailed into something like a muted sob, wretched and wet, “edge? why’m i so hard to love?”
He needed to say something to that, couldn’t let Rus think that, he couldn’t, he needed—
“nah, s’okay, don’ matter anyway, it don’, you listen to me, yeah? worry about me, you do, every time, all th’ time.” Rus drifted off between words, those weak sobs slowing, evening out to only the occasional hiccough.
Edge sat up for most of the night, listening to him breathe.
~~*~~
“fuck, it’s so early. how could you sign me up for this?” Rus groaned. The darkened hollows beneath his sockets were stark, but Rus was up and moving, helping Edge carry the tables to the outside storefront.
“Believe me, you weren’t my first choice for the early shift,” Edge told him.
The fundraiser was one for a local family who’d lost all their possessions in a fire, a bake sale held by the local chapter of Wilderness Scouts group that was made up of Monster and Human children. The goal was one of more than money, it was part of a continuing an effort to familiarize the Human community with Monsters showing them working beside Humans in harmonious unity. Or at least that was the goal and as children tended towards adorable regardless of species, it seemed an excellent opportunity.
Not that Edge was planning on staying for the actual event; he’d baked an assortment of treats, another calculated move, chocolate chip cookies and rice krispie treats, familiar snacks to Humans from an unfamiliar people.
His baking skills notwithstanding, Humans tended to find his appearance somewhat unnerving. He’d volunteered the two of them to set things up for the children and after they were done, the rest would be up to the chaperones.
That was the plan anyway and Edge was hopeful.
“If we work together, we should be able to get this done quickly enough,” Edge said. Although his doubts grew on that as he watched Rus struggle with the folding table
“uh huh,” Rus grunted, finally battling the capricious thing into submission. “sorry if i kept you up last night.”
“What?” The table Edge was setting up seemed to be of a kinder temperament. “You didn’t.”
“no?” Rus unfolded a plastic tablecloth, fussing to spread it over the table with uncommon precision. “that call lasted for four hours.”
They weren’t actually talking about this, they weren’t-- “I must have forgotten to hang up.”
A touch on his wrist stilled him, cool fingertips against the slim line of bone showing between his gloves and his sleeve. His head jerked up involuntarily and Rus was standing too close, too too close, the shadows beneath his sockets garish and obvious.
"how long are we going to do this?" Tiredly, so terribly soft, too low to be heard by any passersby going into the store. Rus seemed worn, the world almost blurring around him as if he were nearly about to step into a shortcut.
"It shouldn’t even be a couple of hours,” Edge said doggedly. “Once we get set up, I think--"
"edge."
Rus didn't say another word, only his name, once. Anything else stayed unspoken and he was so close, his eye lights soft, pale, searching Edge’s face and it would be so easy to lean in, to take his mouth, to see if the sweetness of his kiss matched the rest of him, this endearing fool.
But Rus deserved so much better, he deserved a pure soul that glowed a silver to match his own, not the stony, LV-scarred one that was all Edge had to offer, the memory of murders bound within it in blood-shaded crimson. Rus deserved someone who could offer him their world.
Edge couldn’t even offer a piece of his.
Don’t do this, don’t, don’t be kind, don’t know how I feel, don’t, please, please—
He reared back, turning away to smooth the last tablecloth into place. "Let's finish getting this set up."
Rus said nothing, stood unmoving and Edge tried not to look at him, unable to bear seeing the banked unhappiness within him. Then, abruptly, "yeah, okay. guess we're gonna do this for a little while, then." Rus gathered up one of the boxes, pulling out baggies of cookies and setting them up in fairly neat rows. “we can go out for lunch after if you want, but i need to get home in time for a nap, i got a date tonight."
“You’ll call me when you get home.” It should have been a question. When Rus didn’t answer, Edge glanced at him, involuntarily, searching his face, and the taste of his desperation was flavored with shame.
Rus smiled a little, a faint curve of his mouth. “yeah, sure. i’ll call, let you know i got home okay. this is date number one, maybe i can make a good first impression, for once.”
“I’m sure you will.” Edge stood next to him, both of them piling up cookies and treats, readying them for the children to sell. They’d finish soon enough, go out for lunch, and then Edge would go home, alone. He’d line up his shoes on the mat by the door, sit on his sofa, and wait for his phone to ring. It was enough, stealing brief, borrowed moments of Rus, more than he even deserved.
Despite everything, Edge was still himself. It was all he could ever be.
-finis-
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gottagobuycheese · 4 years
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Thanks @silent--sonata for indulging my terrible sleeping habits XD
(fyi this will probably be unnecessarily long and rambly, so it’s going under a cut (EDIT: whelp the song list got a little out of hand, I’d apologize if I were even remotely sorry)) 
Rules: Answer 17 questions & tag 17 people you want to get to know better  
Nickname: Cheese (or Lactose Wedge, or Dairy Product of Unspecified Origin and Purpose)
Zodiac Sign: Gemini! 
Height: 160.5 cm/5′3″ (Bubbles I refuse to believe you’re actually that much taller than me) 
Hogwarts house: Somewhere between Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff allegedly, both of which I’d be honored to get sorted into, but honestly I’d just be stoked to get sorted at all 
Last thing I googled: I think it was something along the lines of “how to speed up audio playback in GarageBand,” but but my train of thought was derailed before I actually looked at any of the results so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (and on a related note, thanks again for the magical audio editing @imperiousheiress!)
Song stuck in my head: The end credits to Legacy of the Wizard (which is SUCH a jam, thank you for enlightening me @jessicafish) Following and followers: 227 (goodness just looking at that number is stress-inducing) and...104?! When the HECK did you all get here??? I think just last summer I was happily floating about in the 50′s. Anyways, to anyone I have not said hello, hello! Hope you enjoy your stay, and I am sincerely sorry if you expected Quality Original Content, or even just regularly scheduled other people’s content. Sadly, neither of these things tend to happen here. 
Amount I sleep: During the school year it’s usually anywhere between 30 minutes and 6 hours (DON’T EVEN START BUBBLES YOU HAVE NO RIGHT), usually landing in the 3/4 hour ranges if I’m smart about it, but now that I am on Unofficial Break, it’s usually at least around 6 hours (except today was 3 because Avatar is an excellent show and the weirdos in this house have regularly scheduled breakfast at 9-something every morning). Sadly my sleep schedule can only be forced to tolerate normalcy for so long before careening back in the other direction, so we’ll see if this is just a blip or if we’re back to normal mid-Atlantic Ocean hours!
Lucky number(s): I wouldn’t say these are necessarily favorite numbers, but I do like 2 and 9. But come to think of it, second attempts at Official Things do tend to go better for me than first attempts, so maybe there’s some merit there after all! Dream Job: Don’t think I’m really cut out for dreaming anymore, haha (unless you are a theoretical future employer in which case I am Extremely Full of Ambition and Passion). The bed-adjacent metaphor has been made, and not to brag, but I can sleep on pretty much any surface. Currently studying my Not Favorite aspect of STEM (was there ever a favorite or did I just like being good at things sometimes) and learning how to People™ properly (and also learning a gazillion convoluted drug names like what the heck dude, did you just fall asleep on your typewriter coming up with these), so I’ll take whatever place hires me and pays me enough not to depend on my parents for everything, I suppose. In an ideal world, that would entail a job where I could make friends, and even more importantly, a job where my shortcomings would not cause Massive and Irreparable Harm, but I don’t think this line of work really meshes with that last one, so I guess I’ll either have to get my shit together™ extremely soon or fake my death, adopt an alias, and flee to a completely new place with no ties whatsoever before trying to get another, less high stakes job. 
(Though I guess, less cynically, I like helping people well enough? And stories are fun! Maybe there could’ve been something with that. Not that there still can’t be, mind, but there’s still a long way to go between Here and There)
Wearing: Black shorts. Navy t-shirt. Brown some-specific-kind-of-jacket-I-forgot-the-name-of jacket. Is it summer? Is it fall? Am I in middle school? Who can say, but they are COMFY so sadly I have no cares to give
Favourite song(s): way way WAY too many to list here, and I do not have them all organized in a handy playlist separately, but to name a few (and these are not necessarily the MOST favorite okay, it doesn’t mean I don’t love stuff not on this list, it means you can’t force me to pick between my children and I am going to find at least one quick thing from a few things I like before I need to hit post and go back to looking like I’m being studious, and also things I think you should listen to right now, but for everything I’ve linked assuming I mean the whole OST), here’s a spam of links in no particular order: 
LoZ Wind Waker - The Great Sea (aka the epitome of optimism) 
Undertale - NGAHHH!! (I was about to link more but then I realized it’d be the whole soundtrack lol) 
LoZ Breath of the Wild - Hateno Village (Night) 
A:tLA - Peace (bad call BAD CALL NOW I HAVE EMOTIONS) 
Legend of Korra - Final Scene/Ending Theme (MISTAKES WERE MADE MISTAKES WERE MADE) 
Kung Fu Panda - Oogway Ascends (I feel like I’m taking you on a whole little album journey now XD) 
PMD: Explorers of Sky - Dialga’s Fight to the Finish (aka the Gotta Shower Fast song) 
Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Pursuit ~ Cornered (aka the HURRY UP AND PACK UR SHIT YOUR FLIGHT LEAVES IN THREE HOURS song) 
Apollo Justice: A New Trial Is In Session (very underrated soundtrack imo) and also Apollo Justice: Telling the Truth (because these two are very closely associated in my head and it’s getting harder and harder to narrow things down so maybe I should stop lol) 
Your Name: Katawaredoki (in which I am forcibly thrown heart first into the bedroom of my second apartment at approximately 12-something A.M.) 
Digimon Adventure 01: Butterfly (MASSIVE 90′s childhood anime feels, and also Last Summer Before Everything Went to Shit feels (on a general scale I mean, not personal)) 
Pokémon: Lugia’s Song multitrack cover by Jordan Moore (would that I could have a talent of that musical talent) 
Pokémon the First Movie: Tears of Life (great now I’m on a Pokémon music spiral GUESS IT’S CHILDHOOD NOSTALGIA HOURS NOW) 
PMD: Blue Rescue Team - Farewell and Run Away/Fugitives (you CANNOT make me choose between these guys okay, my brain WILL explode, and whoops now I want to link the whole ost) 
Palette by A Dear Friend (wink wonk) 
Pokémon: Alpha Sapphire - Fortree City (wow talk about mood whiplash)
Detective Conan: Main Theme (I can’t find the specific version since there are so many, but it’s a Good Theme) 
Super Smash Bros.: Brawl - Opening Theme 
Pokémon Colosseum - Relic Forest 
Song for Lindsay by Andrew Boysen Jr. (oh great now it’s time for marching band feelings I guess)
Mt. Everest by Rossano Galante 
Deltarune - Field of Hopes and Dreams and A Town Called Hometown (orchestrated) (aka the Lots of Work To Do song) and You Can Always Come Home and Don’t Forget (hey guess what I wrote a bunch of fake extra verses for) (also it looks my pathetic attempts at narrowing things down are getting even more pathetic so I’ll wrap up soon XD) 
 Guild Wars 2 - Fear Not This Night (never actually played this myself but my friend got me addicted to the music) 
Lord of the Rings - May It Be (Enya) (aaaand now I miss choir, THANKS BUBBLES) 
Lion King - Can You Feel the Love Tonight (Multilingual) by Travys Kim (aka how I remembered how fun these things are) 
Original Song by Anonymous  
(The urge to add all the other songs I’m not adding is so strong but I’ve got so much work to do so just assume I mean all Nintendo music from any game I’ve played, all Ghibli movie music, every musical I’ve ever heard, and even more) 
Random fact:
Apparently as early as the 17th century, you could guess that a child would have a shortened life span if their foreheads tasted salty. Yes, there is a specific reason, and yes, you may already know what it is, and thankfully no, that life span projection no longer holds true, assuming access to Modern Medicine! 
Favourite Authors: Okay I have not read enough various books of enough various authors to be able to answer this, so I’m just gonna go with a few books instead. They are not necessarily all-time favorites, but I enjoyed reading them very much at the time and more often than not go back to them for comfort reads: The Martian, any of first three Harry Potter books, and The Rise of Kiyoshi. (That last one’s not really a comfort read but I am drowning in Loving Kiyoshi juice so here we are)
Favourite Animal Noises: Certain kinds of birds (UNLESS it’s some ungodly hour of the morning and you’re trying to sleep)? Ooh, and crickets! 
Aesthetic: A slob, but like...a comfy slob. An incredibly disorganized hermit who is happy to mill about in the uncontrolled entropy. (Are we talking about what aesthetic I give off, or what I like to look at, visually? Because I like space, and water, and mountains, and forests, and forests ON mountains, OOH and forests on mountains at night where you can see space, perhaps reflected in a body of water. Or just water, idk. Different things are pretty to look at at different times)
WELL THAT ONLY TOOK FOREVER SORRY FOR THE OBSCENE LENGTH 
@pachelbelsheadcanon @averybritishbumblebee @shingeki-no-korra @sailorlock @yeswevegotavideo @soultheta @queenerdloser @ifeelbetterer @rogueofdragons @peppervl @amadness2method @mutalune and anybody else who wants to do this! This isn’t seventeen, and I don’t know if any of you have already done it/been tagged, but I hear people moving around upstairs so that means this break is over XD. And ABSOLUTELY no pressure to actually do this, this is pretty much just me wishing you well! (and YOU of course, my dear reader! I hope everything’s going all right, or if it’s not, that it does soon)
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sillyfudgemonkeys · 6 years
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Hello After the release of the PQ2 trailers, I would like to know why you like Minako / Hamuko so much?I do not understand why a lot of people like it and I do not say that in a way that bothered me, I just do not understand.
Before I can get to her, I need to give a backstory on my relationship with P3. And really just a summary of how I got into Persona in general. But yeah, in this literal essay I will (attempt to muddily, and kinda all over the place) explain how I fell in love with a character I was 100% neutral on, on a game I had a rocky relationship to begin with, and how she actually made me appreciate both that said game AND the MaleMC (who I also had a rocky relationship on) more and more as the years went by. 
I should note I played the Persona games in this order: P4 (PS2, newly released), then P3FES, then Persona 1 PSP (didn’t finish tho), then P3P (and basically from the P1PSP on I roughly played them in order of release as we got them, so yeah....the thing to note is I played P4 first, then the original male P3 then years later I played the FeMC, so I did not experience her first).
Now I REALLY loved P4 when I played it, colorful cast, really loved their hijinx and chemistry, and the shadow Selves were just so much fun and dark. I thought the plot was fine, not god’s gift to this earth but it was fun. I found the characters and setting to be the biggest draw (I mean P4 is character focused not plot/story focused so that makes sense). I researched the series and found P3FES. People said it was a lot better than P4, I wanted to try and get P1/2 but.....yeah the only versions were PS1 and they were expensive, and I am but a freshman in high school with no job (too busy being an athlete and studying) and am lucky if I can beg my parents to let me get these games. And there was no way in hell I was getting P1/2EP which were both like $100 (I had to beg for P3/4 which were like $30 each).
Anyway I got my hands on P3 and......I....really didn’t like it. I liked the music, the setting, the style, and I was fine with the slightly harder combat cause of the AI (I accidentally played through all of Kanji’s dungeon with AI on not knowing I could change). But.....I didn’t like the characters. I got to Fuuka’s full moon before I had to put it down. I thought Junpei and Yukari were too mean, I hated I couldn’t SL with anyone on my team yet, Mitsuru/Akihiko were too distant, and the SLs i could SL were.....not really that great, and the MC was....really dull....like he was mostly neutral or silent (as opposed to Souji being funny, rude, neutral, silent, caring and a lot of interesting things with his dialogue options), sometimes he’d have a harsh but funny line but of course if I chose that I’d get a reverse link so that sucks. I decided to replay P4 again, trying to find what it was that really drew me to the series. By the end of that second playthrough I decided to pick up P3 again, give it a second chance (even tho Junpei and Yukari almost killed it for me). 
I powered through, got into a rhythm, opened up more interesting links (such as the bookstore people and Maiko). It still wasn’t as good as P4 imo, the feel was different, but it was more I felt the cast was too distant and ridged to the plot. It wasn’t that they were there own people with their own arcs, but that I ironically didn’t find them as fleshed out as P4′s (which was more character focused so maybe that explains it). But then I got to Aigis, and the plot really picked up (years later I find that’s where some people felt like P3 started getting good). And I ended up liking it! I didn’t love it as much as P4 (and I had a lot of issues with the way they handled how the P3 kids got closer, aka I feel like they it could’ve been better), but I did like it and appreciated it despite my rocky start. I should also note I did like Shinji, like “Oh neat design” and then when he died I was like “Oh welp that sucks” but I never blamed Ken, and I wasn’t a rabbid fan shipping girl for him (I did jump on the FeMCxShinji train for a ship tho, just cause I saw other people like it and I prefered it the most out of the other options at the time, but actually FeMCxTheo was my first ship for her XD)
Then P3P was announced. Me who had a PSP for P1 and KHBBS was like “Oh ok cool.” Then I saw there was a femaleMC and I saw the opening (cause iirc they announced it with an opening) and I was like “OH no this is horrible, I can’t believe they’re making Yukari an MC!” but then I looked at it again and realized it was some new character and was like “oh phew thank god, huh I wonder how you’re gonna be handled” (which is funny, because Soejima accidentally mistook the Concept!Heroine of P3 for Yukari, like he didn’t realize those were two separate characters in like the really early days of P3, so they have very similar concept designs. I think they even share one design XD). So yeah my first impression was a false negative turned into a “Ok cool I’ll try it out.” 
So months later it comes out, and I get it. And I start playing....and I don’t stop. Not like with FES. Like it had been awhile since I had played FES, and I knew if I “powered through it” to get to Aigis it get better but.....I...didn’t need to. Junpei and Yukari were a lot more tolerable, and I think that’s thanks to the SLs we got. And like WE GET TO START THEIR SLs EARLY! AND THE BOYS GET THEM TOO???? Like hot dang! Like Yukari, she’s available right at the beginning! You don’t have to wait! No like even if you are NG+ max charm, I had to wait till like Aigis joined before her SL would actually start (there’s a date restriction on top of it for the male, at least in FES I realized 2 years ago when I played it with some college friends). And Junpei, Ken, Ryoji, Koro, Shinji, and Aki (all characters that really needed a link to expand on them more) get more development! And Rio and Saori are great, Rio’s link is 1000% times better than Kazushi’s link (I hated how the only positive options is letting the guy just crumble, I felt like a horrible friend a lot of the times with the MaleMC, which is weird cause every non-main game iteration acts like he’s a great friend). Saori replacing Maya, well that and Akihiko replacing Minato’s Star guy was saddening, cause I liked them. But thankfully it was an even trade. The rest were a trade up from the MaleMC (Junpei was a lot better than Kenji, wasn’t a fan of P3!Chihiro, very creepy, and remember I saw her in P4 first and thought she was fine, I was sad about Yuko but I kinda like Koro more so...*shrugs* more or less a fair trade, Shinji was obvie a trade up, and I think Ryoji was a trade up from Mr. Fortune guy whom Yukiko would pretty much rip off his SL beat by beat but somehow do it a liiiiitle better). I also liked how Fuuka’s SL was changed....only cause I tend to remember a liiiiiiitle bit more of her FeMC link than I do the Male one (sadly I just....can never remember her whole link....). So I would say she had the “better links” because it helped expand more on the MC’s relationship with the guys and Ryoji (which I found was really lacking on the male side, esp when Junpei tries to claim us as even...normal friends). Not that the Male’s were (all) horrible, but the FeMC does replace a lot of the worst ones (namely, imo, Moon, Magician, and Chariot) with a lot better ones, and the good ones she also replaces are met with a pretty even/fair trade. Also again, Male SEES+Ryoji SLs. I mean Shinji/Ryoji’s links you need to “bust your balls” for those two, but...not really. XD I’m pretty sure (at least with Shinji, need to double check with Ryoji) as long as you say the right stuff, you get a rank up. The real ball buster was the Male’s side because you 100% need a guide to get every SL on his side, FeMC has a bit more freedom (not THAT much but a bit more).
She also had a larger range of personality options (aka it’s not her only personality, she could be a lot of different things) than the MaleMC (so she was similar to Souji in this regard). I could make her be a bitch, maker her peppy, nice, angry, conservative, a lot of things. I felt like there was a lot more to do with her (have her be emo? Sure! Have her be nice? Sure! and so on and so on). I felt like she was more than just being “there,” more than being along for the ride. I loved her anger issues and violent tendencies, the fact she was dark enough to be willing to kill someone, the fact she’s probably a stepford smiler and is actually really hurting underneath it all. I liked how she had personality you could trace and piece together and mess around with to make a different combo of FeMC, as opposed to MaleMC who is just....kinda there....his options are...there most of the time (sometimes some personality leaks out but not a whole lot)...and you have to come up with a personality all on your own instead of piecing together traces of one (they at least adapted this well into the movies by making him numb and depressed and then recovering as a means to explain this odd detachment in the game, but you probably don’t see it when you are first playing without that context). She could be more vocal at times (not all the time but times where the MC wouldn’t talk she would sometimes have an option to say something), she could also make a change as well (Shinji’s link). So yeah I liked how her side had some impact and could change some things. (I mean, in retrospect, I wouldn’t have minded if she had changed more, but I also gotta remember this is a PSP era game). But most importantly, I felt closer to the team. The SLs helped sooooooo much, I felt like the core of SEES, I connected everyone, we were all a unit. The extra events, even if they were the same as the male’s, felt deeper cause I felt like I was hanging out with an actual coworker turned friend rather than a ‘coworker who says I’m their friend but I don’t feel like we got there yet” type of feeling. When anyone was like “dang we friends” I was like “hell yeah we are.” 
I also like how, while she’s a bit more upbeat and friendly, it fits with the game. The game does start off light guys, it doesn’t really get dark-dark till Oct. If anything, her being friendly (if you player her that way) and getting along with people, and the just how it feels like genuine friends really feels more impactful when the dark stuff starts to come around....since she gets more shook and has to face the harshness and overcome it. It feels like it impacts her. MaleMC it....it can feel like it doesn’t as much (again the game, not the side content, the side content it does impact him). I feel like the MaleMC had a similar detachment as I did when I first played on FES. “Oh that sucks Shinji died, pretty sad, wonder what’s gonna happen next.” So like...THAT is just...there.....
So yeah, basically....I had issues with P3, and I felt like she fixed a lot, not all but a lot. Sure she has her own slew of problems (my issues are more that she might not change enough, like she changed enough to justify her, but I feel like they could do more. Also, connecting to that point, them repeating a lot of the same dialogue....I felt like some could/needed to be changed....Like Junpei’s jealousy works really well with the MaleMC but him suddenly being friends at the end doesn’t, while the FeMC they are friends....but he still has the same jealous out spurts and like......he can have that, but I feel like they should’ve changed it a bit and added more complexity to them since they are already friends).
Do I think FeMC is the better MC of the two? (Main) Game wise....yes. Her bonds are what I feel like is what Atlus wanted to do with the MC but messed up (evident with how they handle him with the manga, movie, dramacd, and PQ/P3D). Manga/Movie/DramaCD (and PQ/P3D) vs her? They are the same tbh, the FeMC is just the stronger game equivalent (bond execution wise, which was the male’s side’ issue and one that’s fixed in side stuff) to the other iterations of Minato than his actual equivalent imo. 
Anyway, as the years went on I got more attached, esp when I compared and contrast the two MCs (btw as the years went on I grew to like P3 even more as well as Minato, so all of the above is just my first impressions), wished there could be a version of P3 where they are together, later wishing for a spinoff where there together, or a spinoff where she meets P4 kids cause I feel like it’d be interesting how she’d interact with them (cause it’d be different to Minato’s). Her clashing ideals with Male cast and P4 cast, her working together, working off each other. Her dynamic was just interesting, I saw potential and what she could bring to the table and it sucked she basically wasn’t allowed (mostly cause, as it was recently revealed, they didn’t know how to do it). I saw potential, and still do see potential, in the other MCs in all of the games, it’s just as each new entry came about....the need to see the FeMC’s utilized grew more and more (cause again, they were already utilizing P3/4MC’s potentials, and P1/2 were locked behind some possible legal tape, and PTS was retconned out with the only hope of it ever coming back being for it to be retconned again to fit into the story, so she was literally the only one of this group that could be used and had yet to be used). I also really wanna see a duo of FeMC/Minato and Tatsuya/Maya, I just....I really wanna....cause P2 had a lot of duality themes, and then P3 kicked it up to 20 notches, and I’d love to see P2/3 meld together! ;w;
(oh I should note I do like P1 and P2 a lot, I really love P1′s manga tbh, just in case anyone was wondering where I stood on them. So yeah it’s not like I only love P3P and P4. I actually like P2 a lot. It’s tied with P4 as my fav, tho FemC might be my fav MC, tho possibly tied with Maya and Souji. I do think they should come back, but I’m also aware they have....a stickier situation than the FeMC or even PTS.....and we all know where I stand with P5 so ahuhuhu 8U)
So uhhhhh yeah, that’s my story....on how I kinda slowly fell in love with this character, one of which I had a neutral stance (I didn’t automatically think “Female MC? Ok I LOVE her!” or think she was gonna change the game for me, it all just kinda happened). And how she made me appreciate P3 (and the MaleMC) more. And then by the time I realized it I realized I was in drought hell with pretty much nothing. :’D
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snippychicke · 7 years
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The Pet Emporium
Title: The Pet Emporium
Chapter One
Rating: G
Fandom: Undertale--UnderSwap
Pairing: Reader/Papyrus
You had (foolishly) thought working in a petstore would be wonderful. Who wouldn’t love to be surrounded by puppies and kittens, along with fish and birds of all kinds.
And poop. Screaming kids. Birds screeching, nonstop barking. Pet ‘parents’ giving you lectures about some item in the store that would cause Instant Death or Endless Suffering to their dog/cat/goldfish. Having to keep an eye out for cruel people thinking it was fun to torment the animals.
You were wary when monsters appeared from underground, and couldn’t help but imagining how everything could change for the worse.
But the only thing that did was the fact humans were no longer your only customers.
Dogamy and Dogaressa were the first monsters you really met. The married white dogs always walked hand in hand one day and brought out nearly all the rawhide bones...and all the flea treatments.
“Endogy brought fleas home,” Dogaressa chatted as if she had known you for a long time, though her eyes shifted as if she was nervous. “And now Greater Dog and Lesser Dog have them too.”
“Oh no!” you answered, nervous yourself yet falling easily into the typical small talk as you checked out the bottles of flea shampoo. “Fleas are horrible. Do they like at least like water?”
You think Dogaressa smiled. It was hard to tell with her snout. Either way, she seemed a bit more relaxed. “Oh, they love water. Baths are different story, though. That's what the rawhide is for. It's their favorite.”
“Oh, you love it too, honey,” Dogamy answered with a heart felt tease, his watchful eyes returning to the other dog. “Especially with you being with pups.”
“Oh shush you!”
The pair visited at least weekly after that, and you did get to meet Lesser Dog and Greater Dog, twin brothers that acted more like canines but still possessed intelligence. Lesser Dog would pull out cash from somewhere when Dogaressa forgot her wallet, and Greater Dog often solved the crossword puzzle that had stumped you while you fussed at the computer when it gave you issues...which was quite often, actually.
And then there was Doggo. Lesser Dog helped him in once, with brightly mismatch clothes and beady eyes unable to focus on anything. Which you didn’t think much of as you rang up a box of dog treats, silently wondering if they were like dessert for them, when Doggo opened up the box, pulled one out….
And went to light it as if it was a cigarette.
Lesser Dog barked suddenly, grabbing the lighter from him as you exclaimed: “Sir! You-you can’t smoke in here!”
“What? Oh, right,” he apologized, tucking the burned biscuit in his pocket. “Sorry, it’s been a long week.”
Then there was an orange cat-like monster Felix (affectionately known as Burger Pants, oddly enough) and his best friend, Usagi the blue rabbit. By the time they visited, you were fairly used to the Dog family. So you barely blinked at the pair, you were more worried about the blue rabbit pulling the very reluctant cat through the store. They...reminded you a lot of a pair of teenagers, one coercing the other into a  prank. So while you continued served customers, you also kept an eye on the pair on the security cameras.
They made a straight line for the cat department, arguing in one of the aisles before Felix picked up a small container. You expected him to pocket or something, but instead the cat nervously brought it up to the counter while the rabbit waited anxiously by the doors.
“I-I want to buy this…” he stuttered as he placed a small jar of catnip on the counter, and you tried not to laugh.
Except, a slight smile did. “It’s not for me!” he quickly answered. “Usagi told me only cats can buy it…! Oh no, I wasn’t suppose to say that.” His eyes were wide as he covered his mouth with his paws. You did have to laugh at that.
“It’s okay. I don’t think there is any laws against that...yet.” None that you were aware of, but it made him relax.
“He loves the stuff,” he said as he paid for the small jar. “I honestly hate it, but he’s my best friend.”
The pair would wander in occasionally after that, no longer acting shady but rather friendly. Felix was one of the nicest people you had met, always upbeat and cheery while Usagi...well, you were fairly sure catnip was an equivalent to weed. While he had a relaxed smile, he seemed to be the exact opposite of Felix with a very dark and jaded humour.
Yet, the monster you saw the most was the skeleton at the hot dog stand across from the store, dressed in a orange hoodie every day that clashed with the mandatory green hat on his head. He was never busy, customers came in waves, a rhythmic ebb and flow that was hypnotizing to watch.
You...may also have this very strange...crush. More like a squish really. Initially, it just started as a slightly macabre curiosity. After all, he was a skeleton, for stranger than the Dog family, Felix or Usagi.
Then his lazy smile and puns drew you in closer. He realized you worked at the Emporium, and you heard every animal pun possible, from the classic: “Back again? You gotta be kitten me,” to “Whale welcome back,” or “Whatever floats your goat,” after ordering, said with a smile and a wink.
It got to the point where Papyrus had your ‘dog ready before you even arrived. You didn’t know if that was good or bad.
At first, you would just eat at the bench nearby, catching snippets of his conversations and the music from the bluetooth speaker he had set up. Snickering at the jokes and enjoying the variety.
Then there was a certain song that quickly became your favorite. It took a good week before you worked up the courage before asking.
“Oh? It’s one of Napstabots early songs, back before he got famous,” he answered, leaning on the counter as he pulled up the song on his phone. “Do you have an Undernet account?”
Just as the internet, or Uppernet as it was now called, was open to monsters, their own version were open to humans. Except it was rather different. More open-share than anything. You nervously gave him your username, which made him pause.
“Pawsome Kitten?” he slowly grinned as you covered your face.
“I was really tired!” you defended in embarrassment. You weren’t about to admit he inspired the name. That was bad enough.
“Fur real? You’re not kitten me?” the grin on his face was bigger than you ever seen, ernest too. “That is pawsibly the best purrsona I’ve heard.”
“You have customers and my break is over,” you pointed out quickly before rushing back to the emporium.
“See you tomorrow Kitten!” he hollered after you, making you flush.
A few minutes later, your phone beeped. Bonehead was following you on Undernet, and had sent you a music file.
The song opened a flood gate. The two of you bonded quickly after that. It started with music reccs, which led to movie reccs and book reccs. Funny memes was a logical jump, often leading to late nights swapping the funniest memes and cat videos you could find.
It wasn’t long and he started to close up shop as soon as you left the emporium, handing you the your usual as he joined you on the bench. He’d slump down next to you on the bench, long bony legs stretched out and his arms across the back, a subtle warmth against your shoulders.
Friend dates, you told yourself. Just two friends spending the lunch hour together.
Did friends get butterflies though? Like every time he called you ‘Kitten’ instead of kid as he did everyone else, including people well into middle and late adulthood. Or when he wore his honest smile and not the lazy one he seeme to wear out of habit.
Anyone else and you would be fairly sure he was into you. But...it was different. He didn't seem interested, just...more relaxed around you. Open. Happy?
You weren’t going to push it, either way. His friendship had become too important to risk. Besides, how would that even work? Would he even be interested in you in that way?
*****
You were set into a boring day. Papyrus was off and oddly not bombarding your phone, and none of your regulars would probably be in, seeing it had been only a few days.
Early in the afternoon, the monotony was broken as a shot of silver and blue streaked past. “Mweheheh!” echoed after it, making you worry.
You leaned on the counter, trying to figure out what just ran passed when a pair of bony fingers scratched the top of your head. “Heya Kitten,” Papyrus gave a lazy smile as you jumped, through the grin didn't quite reach his eyes. “How's it going?”
“Good,” you stuttered faintly, feeling flustered from his closeness as well as the zipping blur. “Did you see that blue blur…”
“Yeah…” he fiddled with his signature lollipop, his eyes searching the store. “ It’s my brother. He really wanted to come visit…”
Gone was the usual pride and love in his voice whenever he spoke of Sans. You hesitated as you studied his face. It was nothing like his usual self, instead he looked worried. Concerned. You brushed his hand that rested on the counter with yours without thinking. His gaze jumped to you, a faint orange tinge to his face that disappeared fast enough to make you question if you had imagined it. “What’s wrong?”
He sighed, removing the candy from his mouth. “Sans...came here to find supplies for Sprinkles.”
“Sprinkles?” you repeated, still confused. Before he could explain, the blue blur was back. Sans was short, barely a head taller than the counter. His bright blue eyes stood out, along with the fact he was dressed in silver and blue armour.
“Human!” he announced loudly as he set a moderate sized stone on the counter. “I require items for my pet rock!”
You stared for a moment, heart clenching. Your eyes glanced up to Papyrus, who looked rather awkward as he avoided your gaze. Oh, you realized with a sharp pang who Sprinkles was. “Sorry, we’re...we’re out right now,” you found yourself saying, a stab of pain as you saw Sans’ expression deflate and Papyrus flinch slightly. “But...if you leave me a list of what you need, I can see if I can order it for you.”
His blue eyes legitly turned to stars as he grinned, making you smile in return. You fetched a scrap paper and a pen for him, and allowed him to have at it. While he made his list, you glanced back at Papyrus. There was a soft orange glow across the white of his cheek bones, his eyes fixated on you for a moment in surprise. You offered a another smile, which widened as he unconsciously smiled back.
“That should be sufficient!” Sans announced, slamming down the pen with a grin. “Thank you for your service, Human! No other pet store had anything for rocks. They even insisted that rocks weren’t even proper pets!”
You were cursing those other pet stores while trying to hold onto your smile. “Well, that’s because only a few people can properly own and handle a pet rock. So, of course those little pet stores wouldn’t be able to help you. But, I’m sure you can handle it.”
You would never forget the grin on his face at your praise, his eyes literally sparkling at your words. He let out a little ‘Mweh heh!’ before dashing out of the store in a blue and silver blur.
“Thanks,” Papyrus said after a moment. “That...that meant a lot.”
You flushed slightly. “Not a problem. He...he reminds me of my own brother.”
You realized your slip at the curious look on his face. Your heart squeezed and you prayed for a distraction. Thankfully one was delivered as Sans returned. “Papy! Come on!” Sans yelled as he grabbed his brother’s sleeve. “You promised we could eat at Las Tapas before the movie!”
“Eh? Did I really?” Papyrus dug his heels in as Sans tried to drag him. “I don’t recall ever saying that….”
Despite his efforts, Sans wasn't gaining much ground with Papyrus, and the taller skeleton didn't seem to be putting up much of a fight. “Yes! You did! Chara and Flowey are probably already there! So move your lazy bones!”
“Alright, alright.” He gave you a playful wink to match the smile on his face. “See ya later, Kitten.”
He started walking suddenly, throwing Sans off balance. The small skeleton stumbled, and you couldn’t help but laugh. Papyrus paused at the door to give a small wave that you happily returned.
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nezoid · 7 years
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‘Legion’s Aubrey Plaza On The Sequence That Was Entirely Reworked In The Edit Bay’
Well-known for her signature, deadpan delivery and comedic chops in film (Neon’s upcoming Ingrid Goes West) and television (Parks and Recreation), Aubrey Plaza breaks out of a box in FX’s singular superhero series, in more ways than one. Bringing familiar shadings to the mysterious and pivotal role of Lenny Busker—a demented sensibility and taste for mischief—Plaza nonetheless displays in Legion a tremendous range and dexterity, successfully navigating the complexities of a role and a series that demands attention.
Working on Legion, Plaza was given an “overwhelming” and exciting level of creative freedom, playing a critical role in the various looks her shapeshifting character takes on in Season 1, and collaborating closely with directors and choreographers to nail down sequences that were described loosely on the page. Speaking with Deadline, Plaza gives a window into the idiosyncrasies of Hawley’s process, as well as her own process, in approaching a character that is inherently impenetrable, finding her own way in.
Before Legion came your way, did you ever give much thought to the idea of taking part in a superhero series?
I honestly never thought about it that much. I’m a fan of superhero stuff, and some of it’s really good, but yeah. I think I always had fantasies about playing certain characters in those universes. But I never thought about it beyond that, my own delusions, weird daydreams.
What was the process in getting involved with Legion, and what attracted you to the part of Lenny?
The process was interesting because I did not audition. I met briefly with Noah, and some of the producers and the casting director, after reading the script. I thought the writing was really amazing, and I loved the work that Noah had done before that, on Fargo, so I was drawn to the project really because of him.
The part of Lenny was originally written for an older man, so I didn’t read the script thinking about that role. In our second meeting, when it was just Noah and me, he pitched me the idea of playing Lenny and changing it to a female. That idea had never occurred to me when I read it initially, so I went back and reread it, and tried to imagine what that could be like, and what I could do with that, and that got me really excited. Just the idea that Noah would make a change like that, and trust that I could pull it off.
Many cast members were unaware of the season’s full story arc when they set out. How much did you know about your character’s true nature in early talks?
I would say that I knew a little bit more than anybody else about my character’s trajectory. I knew the place that I would end up, but I didn’t know how I would get there. The episodes in between were a surprise for me, and I had no idea what was coming, episode by episode, but I did know, ultimately, what I would become in the universe of the show.
What do you latch onto when inhabiting a character like Lenny, who is intentionally a mystery for the audience to puzzle over for most of the first season?
I approached it like I would any other role, I think. I don’t approach anything differently depending on the genre, or how crazy it is, or if it’s a villain or not. I just tried to focus on the human aspects of the character.
I had to make a lot of choices for myself, and I was really given a lot of freedom to explore, and to come up with whatever I wanted to do with Lenny. I tried to grasp onto the human parts of Lenny, early on.
Really, I kind of created a journey for my character that is fully focused on David Haller. He is Lenny’s everything, so that was my approach: Who am I to David, and how am I going to get what I need from him?
How much did the look of the character inform your approach?
I, like everybody else in the cast, was operating script by script. Once I started reading scenes with Lenny where she’s appearing to David, and talking to him in a different way, I made a choice that I would change my look up, and Noah let me do that. I made a decision early on that Lenny, the human is very different from Lenny, the hallucination if you want to call it that—at least up front.
The creative team was so involved in all of that. I would go into the hair and makeup trailer on my days off for hours and hours, and do different tests on my own with them—different hair tests, and makeup tests, and wardrobe tests—and they were all game.
They were really excited to come up with these different iterations, and they were fully involved in helping me create the different looks. I think that the physical changes that happened really helped me morph into these other Lennys. They all came together in the end, but it was a team effort.
The greatest part of it all is that our leader was Noah, and Noah has certain things that he’s very particular about, but I felt an overwhelming freedom in the creativity that could happen with coming up with the looks, and all of that. It was a collaboration, and I think that’s what he’s really great at, is handpicking artists in different departments that have something to say, that aren’t just doing another job. It felt like we were shooting a movie, and that’s my favorite kind of work.
In moments where Lenny is at the center of the scene, it’s been interesting to see you go off into different kinds of cinematic language. In one episode, you worked with Hiro Murai—a director known for his music videos—on a music video sequence for Lenny.
The dance sequence in Chapter 6 was written in I think one or two lines. I don’t want to misquote Noah, but it was something along the lines of, “Lenny dances a dance of malevolent joy. She rubs her stink all over David’s memories.” It wasn’t spelled out what exactly that dance would be, or what needed to happen, so I was given the freedom to come up with whatever I wanted to do.
Hiro, like Noah, was really open and just let me run with it. I was told, “These are the sets that you’ll be dancing on, and we’ll just take it step by step.” I created a routine with a choreographer who helped me, and just tried to embody what Noah wrote.
The wardrobe helped, and I kind of created the look for that, too, which I thought was really fun and different. Hiro was a great director for that particular episode, because we got to play in a different genre. It was super trippy.
The other major instance is the black-and-white silent film sequence later in the season, where we get to see more of the jerky, unearthly physicality you bring to the role. Was the process with that sequence similar?
What’s so interesting about that is that that was not in the script—that they were turning that into a black-and-white, silent film sequence. That was done in the edit, so all of that physicality was stuff that I had just decided on in the moment. I had no idea they were going to do that. That was a big surprise for me when I watched it, because when we shot it, I’m actually speaking, and it was written as scenes.
Early on, I had this idea in my head­—I think it was maybe Chapter 4, when I jumped into the Mirror Room, and I drag Rachel Keller’s character across the floor. I have these jerky movements that are controlling her, so I just tried to keep that alive. That’s another example—in the script, it says, “Lenny kills The Eye.” But it doesn’t say how; it doesn’t say anything like that.
Those were things that we came up with that day. “I’m going to put a fake gun to my head and pull the trigger, and then you guys snap your heads.” That was all playful stuff that we came up with together. That was again a really fun collaboration with the rest of the cast.
And then they just transformed it into a silent film sequence, which was totally perfect.
Does any of the work you put in this season—between the two sequences we’ve discussed—take you back to your early days, honing your craft as an actor, building characters through playful physical expression?
Totally. It felt very experimental at times, and like performance art. We were forced to go back to that place, where we had to use our imagination and just surrender to the playfulness of it all, because we had no idea what was coming. It was a very weird feeling, to not know exactly what we’re doing, but try to make really bold choices. I think that having an improv background and a theater background is really helpful in those situations, because it’s all about the choices that you’re making, and it’s not the kind of show that you can just show up and say your lines. You have to really work, you have to rehearse. There were some times that we would rehearse and block scenes for an hour, which I’ve never done before, when we’re shooting, because normally you just get in there and you gotta shoot. The emphasis was on that, on the preparation and the rehearsals, which is my favorite way to work, so it was perfect for me.
In certain scenes, you’re trapped inside a box—a certain place where David is able to trap you. What was involved in shooting those bits?
I was in an actual box—I was put in a coffin. It was very claustrophobic, as you can imagine. At that point, Lenny was disintegrating physically, so I had these intense eye contact lenses, so I couldn’t really see. I was basically guided into this dark coffin, because I could barely see anything anyway, and then I was just put in there and told to scream and freak out.
I don’t have a problem being in small spaces, thank god. I wasn’t in there for that long. But it was cool. That’s the thing about this show—there were a lot of practical effects, and a lot of things that we actually did, physically. It was physically demanding, but I think the outcome is always better.
What was the biggest challenge you faced creatively with the first season?
The biggest challenge was tracking Lenny at every moment and making sure that I was playing the right version, and that I had all of those layers and motivations alive at every moment. I didn’t want to lose any of that, and I wanted to really honor the script at all times. I think it’s challenging when you don’t know what the next script is, so you can only hope that you’re going in the right direction, and trust the people that are directing you. I think that was the biggest challenge, is just the unknown. It was scary, but I think things that are scary are usually the best things.
Legion has been renewed for a second season. What has been your takeaway from working on Season 1, and what are your hopes for the future of the series?
I hope that it just continues to get weirder and weirder and that they keep pushing the envelope, and they make something that’s even more insane than the last season. My takeaway is that Noah does not hold back—he has a love for his characters and stories in ways that I haven’t really seen before.
There’s a really special feeling surrounding all of the projects that he’s involved in, and I just hope that that doesn’t go away. It’s hard, when you become successful, to hold onto that feeling and keep it authentic and true. I hope that he’ll do that, and I think he will.
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destressjournal · 3 years
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DCOM Rankings #83: Lemonade Mouth
I would say there’s maybe one more DCOM after this that I’ve seen before but other than that, this is one of the last ones.
Last time I watched it I wasn’t REALLY watching it, I was silently protesting because as I said in my last review I was almost 16 and was kinda done with Disney Channel, they were ending all of my favorite shows and moving onto a new generation of viewers so I was like pshhhhh whatever.
So what do I think about the movie now that I’ve viewed it in it’s complete entirety....?
I’m gonna start out by saying this. Many people LOVE the 90’s Disney animated movies because they are so iconic. And when I watched them again for my Disney movie ranking last year, I realized that there were a lot of logic issues that just wouldn’t make sense, yet I still ranked them like near perfect. That’s what this movie is.
While obviously it’s not as iconic (or as good to be honest) as the 90’s animated films it premiered JUST far enough back that there was some nostalgia in there. And despite the flaws it has, I don’t really care as much, because this movie got me emotional. And when a movie gets me emotional, especially a Disney channel movie, it’s automatically one of the greats. I FELT for the characters and cared about all of them, and that’s all I could ever want in a movie, just GET ME TO CARE about your characters. I wanna root for them, cry with them, feel empowered by them, and in this case, sing with them!
That being said!! This movie still has flaws and I’ll get them out of the way now so I can get to the good stuff.
- this movie overall is very fast paced. They played at ONE high school halloween bash and suddenly everyone wants their CD. Even further back, the night they met they all played music together without really getting to know each other...idk, I’m one of those people that likes things to progress more naturally. But I guess one way to explain it would be that all 5 had the same passion for music and they all happen to be in the same room for the first time. But still, from the time they met to the time they played their first gig it was like 3 scenes. I know it’s most likely because of the movie time constraints which is why I want this movie to be 2 full hours and not just 90 minutes. I want some deleted scenes people!!
-I don’t really like the ship between Wen and Olivia. I never could see them being together, cuz Wen is kind of awkward and says the wrong thing all the time. What he does for Olivia is sweet, but I just don’t see the connection. There wasn’t much chemistry. Wen is probably my least favorite character out of the 5 band members.
-so I also think people like lemonade mouth because it touches on some hard topics. I’m sure they pushed the boundaries as much as they could, but I wished they were pushed further. For example, I just watched a video comparing the lemonade mouth book to the movie, and *spoilers ahead* wow was the book a LOT more mature. And realistic. But thinking about what Disney could have done was have Stella have a learning disability and have her IQ test score be mentioned. Like I really feel like Disney could have done something like that for the movie, they had a dyslexic character. Plus, they show a physical disability in the movie with a background character, I think showing a learning disability is not that far out of reach, and would explain a lot of her rebellious behavior. Disney y u no do that?? You’ve done it before! Sesame Street has done it before!
Also I wish Charlie’s brother actually died instead of “being away at college” it would have made his scenes hit that much harder. But not died like at the time he was born, but died after he won all those soccer trophies and went to Stanford. Or at the VERY least, maybe have the older brother get into an accident and he can’t play soccer anymore. Disney I feel like could have easily done that. Idk, Disney channel was a lot more hardcore in the 90’s and early 00’s. The late 00’s and early 10’s were like that Christian version of Netflix. I have no idea what the more recent DCOMS are like, I hope they get better....okay rant over! The other mature stuff in the book is very understandable that it’s not in the movie, and if you’re a fan of caitlovesdisney on YouTube, like I am, go watch her video explaining the differences between the book and the movie. It’s wild!
-so this goes along with the movie being so short, but the characters really needed to be fleshed out more. I think Olivia was probably the most fleshed out. But Charlie I feel like barely had anything. Especially because his development was overshadowed by his crush on Mo. The crush is fine and adds to his character in a different way but it hides his personal development.
-I like to think of this movie as the Disney channel version of the breakfast club. I mean it’s the same beginning. 5 high school strangers have detention together and they end up having a very strong connection. The breakfast club is just way better and if I wanted to watch characters talk about their lives and build on each other, I would rather watch that instead of lemonade mouth. The DCOM tried so hard to make that “breakfast club” scene where they lie down on the grass be a gut punch, but it was wayyyy too fast. I didn’t have time to feel sad cuz the next song was starting to play. (Kinda wish they did flashbacks of their past or their insecurities during the song). Again, cuz the movie was too short.
- the movie does seem to be preachy at times with it’s “be heard, be strong, be proud” or whatever it is. But I get it, and it’s a good message, I guess I just didn’t like the conflict that came with that.
-oh and Scott being redeemed?? I don’t really care haha. The popular girl just felt his biceps, idk I don’t consider that cheating but I guess it’s all in the subtext. I know people have a lot of beef about it but I don’t really care, in fact I forgot to write about this and this was the last paragraph I wrote before this review was posted.
So most of the flaws stem from the movie not being long enough. This really needed a full 2 hours to completely flesh out everything and slow down the pace.
Good things time!!
-the obvious one. The music. SO. GOOD. I think my favorite is She’s so gone because of the emotion behind it that i connect to the most. But honestly all of the songs were good. Even the rival band songs (not as good but still good enough)
-I love the main cast of characters and how each has to overcome their own challenges in life. Like I said, breakfast club. It also reminds me of the cheetah girls and gotta kick it up because it tried to do the same thing, but it was a lot more spelled out in this movie. Yes I said Wen was my least favorite of the band members but I said “least favorite” and not “most hated”. I still like him and his struggles are real but I just don’t like him as much as the rest of them. But yeah, the band means something different for each member and it’s really cool to see.
-as I said in the first few paragraphs of this review, this movie displays emotions that are very real and portray insecurities that lots of kids/teens can relate to, heck even adults! It’s not just a cute story about a band coming together, it’s about how 5 people learn to just let go of whatever is holding them back, and combat their insecurities head on. We all have insecurities, and I think it’s so powerful to watch a character going through a similar thing and be like “no I’m done with this” and does something about it. Or finally tells that person off, or finally opens up about what they’re dealing with. It’s that kind of raw emotion that I like to see in movies because it’s real.
Now it’s grading time...So I feel like I shouldn’t give this movie any lower than an A+, and the movie being too short was probably it’s biggest flaw. I feel weird giving it an A+ though...I don’t know why, I think it’s because I have like 15 movies that I considered to be A+. And this is why I want to re-do my ranking system. Because A+ should be considered like THE best movies. But it’s also hard when you have 100+ movies in this list altogether. But for now, I’ll leave it at A+ until I figure this out.
Next movie, I guess a spin-off movie?? Never seen it and it sounds like some cutsie direct-to-video spin off that’s just there to make people money. But we’ll see!! See you soon!
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cinephiled-com · 4 years
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New Post has been published on Cinephiled
New Post has been published on https://www.cinephiled.com/interview-the-creators-of-skin-the-history-of-nudity-in-the-movies-bare-all-in-new-documentary/
Interview: The Creators of ‘Skin: The History of Nudity in the Movies’ Bare All in New Documentary
From the moment the first motion picture camera was invented, there has been nudity in the movies. Even in the earliest days of this new art form, filmmakers delighted in exploring the human body and audiences were riveted by scenes of nudity on the screen. This comprehensive and fascinating new documentary begins with the silent era and continues through the present day, looking at changes in morality and sensibilities while examining the political, sociological, and artistic changes that shaped this rich history. 
Skin: The History of Nudity in the Movies also delves into the gender bias surrounding nudity in motion pictures. It looks at the surprisingly relaxed attitude towards nudity in pre-code Hollywood, the period of censorship that was designed to “clean up” the industry, and how the powerful MPAA ratings system was formed to help the industry police itself (and avoid outside intervention). The documentary also addresses the impact of the more recent #metoo movement on nude scenes in movies today. I spoke with Danny Wolf, the director of this fascinating doc, and Jim McBride, the co-executive producer who, as “Mr. Skin,” has run a website for the past 21 years that documents nudity in the movies.
Danny Miller: As far as I’m concerned, this is the perfect film for the pandemic — who wouldn’t be interested in this topic? Being a classic movie lover, I really enjoyed the material about the early days of the movies before censorship really took hold. I think this film might cause a wild increase in sales for Cecil B. DeMille’s The Sign of the Cross from 1932 starring Fredric March, Claudette Colbert, and Fredric March. Wow, who knew? I never dreamed there would be that much nudity in a DeMille film from a major studio! 
Danny Wolf (with Eric Roberts)
Danny Wolf: That was the best part about making this film — researching those movies from the twenties and thirties. I hadn’t seen most of them so I had a lot of catching up to do, from the earliest ones up through the infamous Caligula and beyond. I learned so much. I especially hadn’t realized the extent of nudity in the movies in those early days. I love all those pre-Code movies. I still haven’t been able to find the complete version of The Sign of the Cross but that’s on my list!
Jim, I know you’ve been following this topic for many years on your website. Did you have a big hand in the organization of the film into distinct eras? 
Jim McBride
Jim McBride: Yes, in my role as one of the executive producers, I definitely had some input. My website just had its 21stanniversary, I can’t believe I’ve been working in this field for that long, so I do have a pretty good background on the subject. Of course, what I do on my site and what this film is about are really two completely different things. The hardest thing was to narrow it down to a two-hour documentary. We had to decide on the pivotal moments in the history of nudity in the movies. It took a team approach, with me, our other Executive Producer, Paul Fishbein, and our director, Danny. We’re all film buffs and I hope that will come across to everyone who watches this documentary — we really love movies. 
Mariel Hemingway
I think the film is very well organized and the mix of interview subjects is just fantastic. I loved seeing the range of people you talked to, from some who were mostly known for appearing nude in the movies to directors like Peter Bogdanovich, Amy Heckerling, Kevin Smith, and Martha Coolidge and stars like Malcolm McDowell, Pam Grier, Eric Roberts, and Sean Young, among others. To be honest, I was surprised to see some of them, like Mariel Hemingway, who’s such a delight in the film. I didn’t think she’d be that open to talking about this topic. 
Danny Wolf: We were so happy to have her because she was in two important films that are discussed: Personal Best and Star 80, and of course, she had quite a different look in both films. She even talked about the whole issue that was so big at the time about whether she got breast augmentations just to play Dorothy Stratten in Star 80. Mariel and Eric Roberts both talk about that.
Another surprise was hearing from Ken Davitian about his experience in Borat.
We were very happy to have him discussing his crazy scene from that film. Nudity in movies was never limited to just women or to people with a certain body type. 
Malcom McDowell must have been a blast to talk to. I could listen to his stories about moviemaking all day long. 
That was the most fun interview you can ever do. He’s such a great storyteller and you just hang onto every word he says. I interviewed him about Clockwork Orange for another documentary I did but hearing his firsthand stories about Caligula was just great. There could be a whole documentary just on that one film, that’s how much lore there is about it!
Malcolm McDowell and Helen Mirren in Caligula
Honestly, there should be. I remember seeing that movie as a teenager and it was such a huge deal. Truly awful but you felt that underneath all of that gratuitous sex and nudity lurked a really good movie, especially with that cast. McDowell’s stories about John Gielgud on that set were hilarious but it also had Peter O’Toole and Helen Mirren — just crazy! It was interesting to learn in your film how Bob Guccione was responsible for turning that film into the sex-fest that it became. 
Jim McBride: Yes, and there’s talk that Tinto Brass is helping with a re-edit that will show more of what the film was originally intended to be! I’m sure they’ll be getting rid of many of the lurid scenes that Guccione shot at two and three in the morning!
Mamie Van Doren
It was moving to see the late Sylvia Miles in her last on-camera interview, and I loved hearing from Mamie Van Doren. I always thought she was so comfortable with her sex kitten image, I was surprised to hear her talk about how reluctant she was to do nude scenes in movies. 
Danny Wolf: Yeah, there were obviously certain people we had to cover in the film, and that included the trio of Marilyn Monroe, Jayne Mansfield, and Mamie Van Doren who, in some respects, went on to carry both Marilyn and Jayne’s torches. Marilyn had done a nude scene in Something’s Gotta Give in 1963, the movie that was never completed before her death, and Jayne had appeared nude in Promises! Promises! that same year which was a huge deal. The first mainstream star to appear in the nude in an American film! And then Mamie comes out in Three Nuts in a Search of a Bolt. Those movies just changed everything in terms of having stars willing to appear nude. 
Jim McBride: We talk about the infamous Hays Code that was in full force by the mid-1930s. Before that, there were all these crazy movies with all sorts of nudity but that came crashing to and end when the Hays Code went into effect. That lasted for decades. But these movies with Monroe, Mansfield, and Van Doren finally killed that level of censorship in the 1960s once and for all. And kicked off the modern era of celebrity nudity. 
Linda Blair
It’s also interesting to watch this film through the lens of the #metoo movement and our changing sensibilities. It’s hard not to cringe when hearing from some of the actresses who worked in the 70s and 80s who felt so pressured to do nude scenes even if they weren’t comfortable doing them and hadn’t agreed to. It was poignant hearing from Linda Blair in the documentary and how she was kind of ambushed into doing nudity in her career. 
Danny Wolf: Yes, she definitely felt pressured to do things that she didn’t sign up for. And she was basically told she’d destroy the film if she didn’t do what they asked. There was a lot of stuff like that in the 70s and 80s. We talked to actresses who signed on for scripts in which there was no nudity and then suddenly word would come down on the set that they had to add a certain number of nude scenes. They almost always felt that they had to do it whether they liked it or not. If they refused, they were told that they were holding up production and hurting the distribution of the film. And many felt that if they didn’t agree, that would be the end of their career. 
Awful. Thank God things have changed to a large extent, and probably a big part of that is having more women directors and women in other positions of power. 
Absolutely. 
And, speaking of “celebrity nudity,” now it seems so normal to see nudity on the biggest, most popular TV shows. 
Jim McBride: Yes. Back when I launched my website in 1999, I think there were something like 25 TV shows that had any nudity at all. You know, a few scenes in Sex and the City and other shows of that type. When we looked at that last year, we found 144 television shows across many different platforms including Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon. I truly believe we’re in the golden age of nudity! It’s no longer a big deal when you’re watching a show or a movie on these networks. And that includes male nudity, too, which was certainly not the case in the 60s and 70s. I think we’re finally getting rid of that double standard.
Right. I remember the days when you could show women completely naked and still get an R rating but if anyone flashed a penis, God forbid, it was an automatic X rating. 
That’s right. And that again goes back to the fact that in those days, most directors, producers, writers were men. And that has changed as well, thank goodness. Look at a show like Game of Thrones. Lots of female nudity, yes, but a huge amount of male nudity, too.
Well, there’s so much in this film that is food for thought about our changing world. And more people you talk to that we haven’t even discussed like Pam Grier — I would have been happy with two hours of just her talking about her memories of making movies!
Danny Wolf: Me, too, she is fantastic!
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Skin: The History of Nudity in the Movies is currently available on demand.
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jmuo-blog · 6 years
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New Post has been published on https://jmuo.com/true-concessions-our-movie-snacking-behaviors-ex/
True Concessions: Our Movie-Snacking Behaviors, Ex...
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[Illustrations: Vivian Kong]
Serious Eats staffers work very closely together, if not always in the same room—but, as in all healthy long-term relationships, we somehow still manage to surprise each other, in good ways, bad ways, and purely head-scratching ways. A very long and aggrieved Slack thread unspooled once we discovered some potentially embarrassing gaps in each other’s eating histories: Until recently, Stella had never eaten a classic NYC bacon, egg, and cheese, and Niki was unclear on the proper use of a Panera-style bread bowl. The revelation that, despite repeated admonishments on this very site, only a few of us actually owned a mortar and pestle prompted similar outrage (from Kenji, at least).
One of the latest rabbit holes of confession and mock shaming we threw ourselves down revolved around our respective movie snacks of choice—not just the specific items we like to munch on in the theater, but where we get those snacks from, and whether we even snack at all. If that doesn’t sound like something to get all worked up about—well, it isn’t, but that’s never stopped us before. It turns out that we, and perhaps all moviegoers, divide pretty neatly into four distinct camps, with very little crossover: those who buy the typical popcorn, boxed candy, and big sodas at the theater’s concession stand; those who don’t eat at the movies, period (really!); those who sneak in their own modest, easily hidden snacks; and those who make a point of smuggling in the biggest or messiest or otherwise most outlandish spreads they can muster. (Of course, “outlandish” is a relative term—one of us seemed surprised to learn that a bottle of Champagne qualified.) Since it’s Oscar season, a time when lots of us try to cram in as many theater outings as possible, we figured we’d take the opportunity to share the shocking results of our internal survey.
The Sushi Smuggler
Growing up, I thought the phrase “dinner and a movie” was actually “dinner at the movies.” Sure, we’d occasionally sneak in traditional snacks, like cheesy popcorn and cans of soda, but if the movie happened to coincide with a mealtime, we packed accordingly. My family’s go-to movie theater dinner was sushi—something I didn’t contemplate much at the time, but I now see it as a stroke of unparalleled genius on my parents’ part. A prepackaged roll combo is, without doubt, the Platonic ideal of a stealthy movie theater meal.
Before you roll (no pun intended) your eyes, consider the following: It’s compact, and thus easy to hide at the bottom of a purse; it’s sufficiently odorless to avoid attracting attention or offending your neighbors’ sensibilities; it is, if properly selected, devoid of any crunch, making it a virtually silent, interruption-free dining experience; the pieces are bite-size and therefore can be eaten with your hands, minimizing the potential mess of eating, say, noodles, in the dark; and it’s a cinch to clean up and dispose of without attracting notice as you exit the theater. (I should add that I’ve also been known to bring along a cleverly concealed bottle of wine to wash things down.) My husband finds the whole sushi/sneaking-in-food thing gross and embarrassing, so these days we tend to go to theaters that actually serve all sorts of fancy food and alcoholic beverages above board. But, as the saying goes, when the cat’s away, the mouse goes to the movies and stuffs her face with sushi. —Niki Achitoff-Gray, executive managing editor
The Cherry Picker
The rest of the Serious Eats team judged me pretty harshly on my pick, but I stand by it: fresh sweet cherries. Sure, they’re messier than other snacks, you have to have somewhere (that isn’t the theater floor) to spit out the pits, and they’re not what one would consider an indulgent snack, but I’m hooked. A, they’re delicious. B, the act of eating them takes some time, so they last longer than the popcorn you mindlessly shovel into your mouth. C, they’re good for you! —Vicky Wasik, visual director
The Traditionalists
I’m not an avid movie theater–goer, but every so often, I will indulge in a little weekday-afternoon alone time in a near-empty, darkened room illuminated by brightly colored, flashing images, accompanied only by a bucket of ultra-fake-buttered and salted popcorn on one side and, on the other, a Coke in a giant plastic vessel that could fit a bathing infant. The expense I gladly eat, literally and financially, for the illicit thrill invoked by residual school-age guilt for “playing hooky” and doing something so luxurious and truant. Everyone’s gotta get their kicks somehow, right? —Marissa Chen, office manager
I have to start by saying that I’m a pretty fast movie-snack eater—so much so that when I was little, my dad would ration my popcorn by putting a handful in my lap at a time. Otherwise, it would be gone a few minutes after the previews. That said, as an adult, I am 100% dedicated to Milk Duds, and, while I hate paying for them, I do anyway. I know my colleagues may look upon my choices with disdain, but alas: I buy my Milk Duds at the concession stand, like a total sucker. Then I eat them all before the movie even starts. —Ariel Kanter, marketing director
I believe the majority of the fun of going to the movies is to hit up the concession stand. I’m that person who arrives 30 minutes early to stock up on overpriced cardboard boxes of Mike and Ike and Sour Patch Kids—because I’m convinced they taste better out of a box. I’ve broken up with boyfriends solely because they took the thrifty route and chose to buy snacks at the bodega across the street instead. However, I’m a strict non-eater once the movie actually starts—the snacks are all about the pregame, to nosh on while watching the previews and side eye–ing anyone who tries to snag the seats in front of me. —Sohla El-Waylly, assistant culinary editor
I love movies, but more than that, I love the experience of going to the theater. It’s not just that it offers me an excuse to opt out of social media and email for a few hours, nor is it really about the superior picture and sound (even a basic theater is better than my garage-turned-den). It’s not just the excitement of seeing a brand-new release, and it’s definitely not about sitting with fellow theater-goers (thanks, guy sitting next to me during Black Panther who felt compelled to read every single piece of on-screen text out loud). It’s about one thing, or rather, one greasy bag of many things: movie theater popcorn. I’m attracted to the smell of diacetyl and coconut fat—the secret combination of artificial flavorings that produces that distinct movie theater aroma—like my daughter, Alicia, is attracted to the dogs’ water bowl. I can make all the promises to myself I want about saving room for dinner, but those promises go out the window as soon as I step through those doors. My feet start heading for the concession stand, and the rest of my body has no choice but to follow.
This is not a secret. Movie theater popcorn is my go-to comfort food. That I get to watch a film every time I eat it is just the icing on the cake (or the diacetyl on the kernels, perhaps). —J. Kenji López-Alt, chief culinary consultant
The Cheapskates
Listen. Just last night, I didn’t prepare before going to the movies. I am now out $13.95 for a medium popcorn and a bottle of water. This is the polar opposite of my M.O., which is to shamelessly sneak my own bag of popcorn and seltzer into the theater. My usual strategy is to pick a theater near a Trader Joe’s, so I can stop in and get a bag of cheddar cheese popcorn, or their insanely delicious Cornbread Crisps, and a Cranberry Clementine seltzer. And those crisps make a bomb vehicle for transporting your homemade chili to your mouth. Trust me. No local TJ’s? A bag of Buncha Crunch and a Sprite from the drugstore will do. —Kristina Bornholtz, social media editor
Like all right-thinking Americans, I was raised to believe that sneaking food into the movies is as natural and healthy as a long walk in the sunshine, and that buying concessions at the theater is for chumps. It helps that I’m not wild about popcorn and instead gravitate toward Junior Mints, Combos, and Raisinets, all of which are conveniently available at the Dollar Tree that’s a stone’s throw from our default movie theater in Atlanta (and you know that location isn’t an accident). And, while I’ve never ventured to smuggle anything more elaborate than a deli sandwich into an indoor cinema, no rules of restraint apply when we visit the Starlight Six Drive-In, a blessed local relic from another time, where summertime patrons regularly tote in full coolers of beer and Weber grills for a tailgate/movie night hybrid. —Miranda Kaplan, editor
You will rarely find me in a concession line: I’m too cheap for those overpriced goods, and too paranoid about candy-induced sugar highs. Not the biggest fan of popcorn, either; my junk food needs an edge. My ideal movie date involves a quick bodega trip beforehand, where I procure seltzer and—wait for it—pretzel M&M’s. That is my junk-food staple. I tell myself they aren’t as bad as regular M&M’s, and they hit my requirement for a savory/sweet combo. The seltzer is key, too—like clockwork, a pending movie stirs a deep thirst in me for carbonated water. Sitting through a movie whilst thirsty and hungry is my personal version of a horror film. —Natalie Holt, video producer
I’ve discovered that using your kid as a candy mule is the white lie of retail economy. I wasn’t always like this. I used to be an honest, upstanding citizen, like you. For most of my adult life, I either purchased popcorn or, more often, didn’t eat at all. But, once we got married, my wife started sneaking candy into the theaters to quell her sweet tooth and—well, I’m not turning down Twizzlers. Who would?
When we first started bringing our daughter to the movies, we’d casually present the goods after the previews. Now that she’s older, she’s part of the scam/effort. We have a perfect record of sneaking in candy because, really, is the high school kid ripping stubs while he checks out Instagram going to stop a seven-year-old and poke her coat? I load up on a package of some chocolate-covered nut, my wife keeps it classic with M&M’s, and my daughter’s the wild card—sometimes it’s gummy bears, or it could be Reese’s Pieces. —Sal Vaglica, equipment editor
If it were just me, I wouldn’t be eating anything. I’m too cheap to even glance at the outrageously priced concession stand items, and too lazy and bagless to smuggle snacks in. My significant other is often not bagless, however, so when we go together, we sneak all kinds of things in. My favorite is the massive, Costco-sized bag of M&M’s: easy, clean, delicious. The most memorable snack we’ve ever brought was a full bag of Hurricane popcorn, which technically we smuggled all the way from Hawaii. The Li Hing–flavored version is vibrantly red, and we did not bring napkins, which made for a messy-fingered second half of the movie. Totally worth it, but word of advice: No matter what you bring, prep for the mess. —Tim Aikens, front-end developer
The Takeout Taker-Inner
When we were—well, I won’t say kids, since I was old enough to drive, but…younger than we are today, my brother and I were notorious for sneaking Chinese takeout into the movie theater. I’m talking pot stickers, egg rolls, spicy noodles, kung pao tofu, scallion pancakes, the works. We’d just stuff all the containers inside this gargantuan yellow puffer coat he had (ah, the ’90s), using it like an insulated pizza-delivery bag. As it turns out, those iconic Chinese takeout containers are just the right size to nestle down into a movie theater cup holder, so we’d set up a little buffet using four consecutive arm rests. Chopsticks made it easy to eat in the dark, and we’d pass the containers between us during brightly lit scenes.
In warmer weather, lacking the proper outerwear for smuggling, we’d stick to popcorn (extra “butter,” please) and Milk Duds. —Stella Parks, pastry wizard
The Killjoys
If I could ban all eating in movie theaters, I would. I don’t want to hear some sloppy-ass mofo smacking on popcorn in my ear when I’m trying to watch a movie. I’d give up all snacks for silence. All you movie-theater eaters can BURN IN HELL. (I have issues.) —Daniel Gritzer, managing culinary director
I’m cheap. I also don’t like candy. I’m not a big fan of popcorn, either. I smuggle in a water bottle, but then I drink from it only if I’m terribly, terribly parched, because the one thing I hate more than watching a movie in a packed theater is having to get up to go to the bathroom in a packed movie theater. Sometimes I’ll bring with me a small, smooth stone, which I will suck on from time to time, and sometimes swallow, if the movie is going long and I’m really bored. I’ve had that stone for 10 years now. —Sho Spaeth, features editor
I’m almost always on the do-not-eat team—I’d rather spend my $20 on better food before or after the movie (I see you, Battery Park Shake Shack!). But occasionally, I succumb and buy popcorn and a Coca-Cola Classic. Ideally, this happens at a theater with self-service “butter,” and, even more ideally, I’ll get a cardboard tray to help me shift the popcorn around, so I can properly spread said butter to the deepest reaches of the bag. —Paul Cline, developer
I only snack on chips and anything crunchy, but the sound of me munching distracts me from the movie. So, no snacks. —Vivian Kong, product designer
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