#going to be totally normal about that (i will not)

[randomshyperson]

My Sweet Valentine - Wanda Maximoff Oneshots

Summary: Delayed in planning Valentine's Day, you and Wanda try to do something together. The spider routine ends up getting in the way, but that doesn't mean the date was lost.

Warnings: (+18) bottom!wanda, enchanted strap, creampie, fingering, dry humping, very fluff and domestic, established relationship, both r and w are briefly specified to be introverted. | Words: 3.206k

A/N-> I had this idea while I was rewatching Sound!Euphonium, I didn't catch the relation to it but I ended up writing this on my phone again so forgive me if there are spelling mistakes. It's always great writing Spider!Reader, I hope you enjoy it.

General Masterlist | AO3 |

-&-

To plan Valentine's Day with your girlfriend should be an easy thing. 

But for two Avengers who happen to be the most introverted antisocial people on earth - and those were Natasha's Romanoff words, not yours - the task could be really hard.

But it was you and Wanda's first Valentine's Day as a couple and you were really late on schedule.

While Natasha planned to have the most incredible and romantic trip to Greece with Maria and Tony and Pepper made reservations at some exclusive fancy Italian restaurant, you and Wanda were side to side laying on your apartment carpet. Trying to decide what you could do together by reading some flyers that were spread around the floor.

Wanda had one of the fancy restaurants in her hands when she suggested: “How about dinner?”

You gaze at the restaurant propaganda, recognizing the name and the building from your little web-swinging adventures.

“The Geller’s is nice but it will be really crowded during Valentine's. And we both hate when places are too full.” You reason, receiving an agreement sound. “Maybe we can ask for takeout?”

Wanda chuckles. “On Valentine's Day? Every place will mess up our orders, I'm sure of it. Places are normally understaffed, ordering food on holidays is like asking for them to mess up your food.”

You sigh deeply. “Yeah, you're totally right. So, maybe I can cook?”

She smiles. “We are going for food poisoning then, huh?” She teases making you chuckle with an expression of false offense. You playfully bumped your shoulder on hers but you don't move away after. The touch is warm and nice. “You cook then.”

“Yeah, but is not like we would find any free spots anywhere. We delay this way too much.” She mutters without sounding really upset. Her words were true, you both have been dancing around this date for almost three months now ever since Tony showed everyone his and Pepper's reservations. But neither of you was that anxious to be locked with another hundred couples in some loud restaurant with extra expensive and not-that-good food.

The restaurants were not the only thing discarded - Yelena and Kate's idea of a date, and band concerts were also politely declined. Mostly because neither you nor Wanda felt like facing a whole weekend of poor public hygiene and the crazy routine of musical festivals while babysitting Natasha's little sister who would definitely get really drunk with her girlfriend.

Steve was the one who suggested the most quiet and family thing, a road trip to the countryside. But since he was going with Bucky and you and Wanda didn't wish to be traumatized by their physical display of affection, their invitation was also declined.

Back on the floor of your apartment, you helped Wanda with the papers around the floor.

You were worried she would be upset about the lack of plans - even Sam with his eternal bachelor status was having a date night with some old colleague from the army. You worried that Wanda might think you're not excited to spend time with her when it is pretty much the opposite of it.

“You know, we don't really have to do anything just because everyone is doing.” You start, hands ready to catch the papers she's bringing. “We could just watch a movie.”

Wanda smiles, the papers are put in your hands but she doesn't move hers away.

“If you brought wine it would be like any other date night.”

“That's not a bad thing, right?” You retort immediately, eyes anxious towards hers. She frowns, a confused chuckle escaping her.

“No, I mean… you think that too right?”

You shrug; “I just want to spend Valentine's and any other day with you, Wands. What we are doing doesn't matter much.”

She smiles, coming closer to kiss you on the lips. But the kiss is quicker than you wished. One of her hands caresses your cheek as she speaks:

“Good to know, darling, 'cause I'll be watching you do the dishes tonight.”

You chuckle, rolling her eyes at her teasing but pouting when she escapes your attempt at a second kiss.

-&-

Valentine's Day is unfortunately a busy day for the spider.

It was true that you and Wanda didn't plan anything big but you wanted to bring her some flowers and her favorite chocolate but after fighting another dressed-up lunatic at the city hall and avoiding three different catastrophes, anything inside your backpack was definitely destroyed.

You swing back into your apartment with the mess of your gifts dripping to the floor. The wine bottle broke and soaked the chocolate and the poor flowers. Bye-bye to any college homework you forgot there.

Throwing the item at the sink, your body towards the couch was the second thing you threw. 

And against the soft pillows the day tiredness caught up at you. With the thought that you would rest your eyes for five minutes, you woke up hours later with the door locked.

Wanda's angry arrival was also an efficient clock.

“God, what is wrong with you? I've been calling you all day!” She slammed the door behind her, and the next second the day's newspaper was thrown at you. “Do you have any idea how worried I was? We have talked about this! You can't just fight some three-sized villain and vanish without a word! I thought-” But she stops herself, taking a deep breath when her voice cracks. You feel so terrible sorry. You know very well that Wanda has lost enough people for the whole ghosting thing to be too hard on her. Intentional or not. 

You get up. “Hey, I'm so sorry Wands, my phone broke and I came right here and closed my eyes for like two seconds. I'm sorry.” But Wanda shook her head, covering her eyes for a moment. She was not even that mad at you, it was clearly an accident that you forgot to call. But she has been so nervous all day worried about you that she needed a minute. Suddenly, she catches a glimpse of the wine-soaked flowers at the kitchen counter and frowns. “What is that?”

The slight indignation about the mess of an apartment you both worked hard to keep clean vanished the second she realized those were gifts.

You fixed your hair awkwardly. “Hm, I was trying to make a romantic gesture. But I forgot I'm always on some freak radar.”

Wanda's hands reached for the flowers and as gentle as her touch, her magic flowed from her fingers to take all the wine away. In no time, the petals were as beautiful and healthy as when you brought it.

“This is really not fair, darling.” She starts, moving to check the rest of the gifts. “You made it to the front page and I have every right to be mad you didn't call through the suit to let me know you're alive.” You wanted to mutter that you're still getting used to the new suit and its high-tech functions, but Wanda is turning at you again with crossed arms.

“It’s not fair, how hard you're making to stay mad at you.”

You gave her a lopsided smile. “So, you like the chocolate that much, huh?”

She rolled her eyes, trying to contain her smile. “Why don't you go shower while I make dinner? There's grease from Rino's suit all over your face.”

You click with your tongue, swinging a little. “Let me guess, you not joining me at the shower is my punishment for not calling through the suit?”

She finally let that smile escape. “Clever girl.”

You chuckle to yourself before nodding and heading to the bathroom.

-&-

Forgotten dinner plates at the living room table when Wanda reached the chocolate box. She shared them with you during the sitcom marathon you too were doing but after finding yourself hypnotized by her laugh for the fourth time in a row, you gave up eating at all.

The last chocolate was put away when she caught you staring.

“What?” 

“What what?” You retort with a chuckle, having some pride over the soft blush of her cheeks.

“You were staring.” She says then, drifting her gaze from the TV to you with some resistance. You know her enough that it's because Wanda is terrible at hiding her own shyness under your loving glance. She always was. 

“Can you blame me?” Your teasing just makes her blush more. You just decide to make it worse. “You're simply too charming not to be looked at. So gorgeous, so pretty. I feel so lucky.”

“Stop it.” She giggles with rosy cheeks at your praise. But despite her words, she opens her arms as an invitation for you to come closer. You practically jump from your spot - a few centimeters from her since your last trip to the kitchen to grab sodas - and greet the warmth of her embrace.

Wanda hugs your body while you melt into her, the soft caress on your spine being more than enough to bring back your interrupted slumber that evening. But somehow you manage to stay wide awake, perhaps because the way you press your face into her boobs makes her giggle and playfully tug at your hair, which happens to have a completely different effect on you. 

Her body tenses up a little when your lips start sucking at her collarbone, a heavy sigh escaping her lips. You suddenly recall that it has been some time, a week maybe two since you had enough free time to be this close. 

Your lovely girlfriend probably missed you as much as you missed her.

The soft sucking turns into something more determined, then into a bite and a licking that turns Wanda into a panting mess. She grows restless under you, fingers tugging at your hair with some guidance towards your movements in her neck until finally, your mouth meets her again.

Hot open-mouthed kisses before softer ones. You kiss and she kisses you back until all of your clothes are disheveled around your bodies and she looks up at you with pleading eyes and slightly open lips. Begging for more.

“Wanna take this to the bedroom?” You suggest inches from her lips but she shakes her head, fingers dancing under your shirt.

“You can have me right here.” She whispers back, stealing all your coherent thoughts for a second. 

Your hands are shaking a bit with eagerness when you pull at your clothes, with Wanda's help they are off in no time. Her chest heaves when you take her top off and Wanda stares back while you can't seem to be able to look away from her tits.

“You good there?” She teases you breathlessly when your lack of action lingers. You chuckle, hands at her sides. 

“Yeah, just give me a minute.” You retort managing an affectionate roll of eyes from her.

“You're such a dork.” She giggles but purposely lifts her chest in your direction, making you swallow hard. When you don't take the bait immediately, she sighs. “I would love for you to more than stare, detka.”

You groan, hovering over her. “Well, your wish is my command, madam” You reply, leaning down to capture her lips. Teasing Wanda with soft bites on her lower lip every time you break the kiss before starting another turns her into a needy mess under you. She gets impatient very quickly and brings her hands to your cheeks, pulling you down with determination. Her tongue takes the lead in a heated kiss that takes all the air out of your lungs. 

Panting against her mouth while trying to match the intensity of her demand, you let your hands grope around her body towards her chest, effectively taking the lead again when you start playing with her hardened nipples and Wanda loses her ability to kiss you back.

When she whimpers into your mouth, her hips restless while your fingers pinch her cute tits, you chuckle. “Ah, is there something you want, baby?”

She struggles to speak firmly. "I need you to stop teasing and fuck me." You grunt at her answer. You would have obeyed immediately if you hadn't been able to feel Wanda shaking. She gasps as you adjust, your knee finding her middle and giving her something to grind against as you resume your actions on her breasts. She throws her head back, biting her lip hard as her hips move almost of their own accord.

It's a hot mess, her first orgasm of the night. You didn't even have to take off all her clothes. When Wanda shivers terribly, and you feel the wetness against your knee, you bite down at her tit and that makes her let out a muffled scream.

Wanda is panting and her face is very flushed when you look at her again, her expression satisfied after an intense orgasm.

You hum happily, moving your hands down as you tilt your face to kiss her on the lips. She gasps into your mouth when she feels your fingers draw a path through her ruined panties.

"You made such a mess, sweetheart." You whisper between one kiss and another, two digits pushing gently without even removing her underwear. Wanda arches toward you, squeezing your shoulders for something to hold on to. Her green eyes are completely dilated now and you love how they display a vulnerable begging. Pulling your fingers out again, you let your thumb draw circles on her covered clit and enjoy the way her thighs tremble around you. "Tell me what you want, Wanda."

She has a little difficulty responding while feeling you teasing her, but despite noticing her heartbeat against your fingertips, you don't interrupt your movements. If anything, they become even more determined. Wanda pants, hips trying to match the rhythm of your fingers.

"C-can we use the strap tonight?" She manages out of breath. "I like feeling you come inside me."

Your witch girlfriend's favorite toy is somewhere in the room, and given the busy schedule of two superheroes, it wasn't used as often as you would like. Wanda has barely suggested, and you're already nodding, panting aroused just imagining yourself stretching Wanda again.

But suddenly your fingers push the fabric out of the way, and you sink inside her without warning, ripping a moan from her throat.

"Give me one more first." You demand, watching as Wanda nods in near desperation, brow furrowed at her rapidly building orgasm. Your rhythm is brutal, and she squeezes and squeezes until you can barely push your fingers inside her. You bring your free hand to one of her thighs, forcing her open as you adjust to improve your reach. Wanda sees stars. She lets go of your shoulders to grab the cushions and ends up destroying half of them with magical expelling when she finally falls over the edge.

An impressed chuckle escapes you at the scene. You're usually the one responsible for destroying things with your spider strength - It's always nice to see Wanda lose some of the control she's fought so hard to have.

Kissing her softly, you feel her smile in some exhaustion. She needs a few seconds, so you pull out your fingers and suck them clean while green eyes watch you from below. Wanda wants to kiss you again, but you adjust to carry her on your lap, and after two orgasms in a row, she won't contradict you.

She feels the soft blankets against her back a moment later and relaxes fully into the bed as you move around the room working to find and put on the strap. It doesn't take more than two minutes, yet Wanda sighs impatiently before letting her hands roam her own body, pinching her breasts and teasing downwards. She bites her lip at the soaked state she finds herself in, tentatively collecting some of that moisture before hearing a husky laugh that makes her look up.

"You don't have to play alone, I'm right here." You let her know softly, but Wanda swallows at the sight of your naked figure and the enchanted hardness between your legs. Of all the things she learned to do, that honestly has to be her best spell. One of your hands grabs the silicone, instinctively or not, imitating the masturbation gesture that Wanda is making and she shudders to the tips of her toes, her body on fire. Her hand moves out of her panties immediately, raising it into the air in a beckoning gesture. You don't need to be told twice.

It's a breathless kiss when you reach her face again, equally eager to feel each other, there's a little war of pushing and pulling until Wanda feels completely pressed into the bed, the strap rubbing against her entrance.

You pull away when she whimpers - It's just to pull down her panties, and Wanda kicks the item away as you climb back up. Your mouth finds hers again so that when you align the strap and sink into her, you can swallow her moans.

The stretch is slow and careful, very different from the breathless way you were making out a few minutes ago. Wanda lets her nails dig into your lower back as you fight the urge to be rougher.

She gets used to the size very quickly, the creaminess of her previous orgasms making an obscene sound that makes her ears redden. You break the kiss to ask if she's ready and the only response you get is a determined throw of her hips up that registers her impatience.

In all quickies, you're always rough. Desperate to feel her, because you miss Wanda as much as she misses you, and in the rush, there's no time to prolong moments like this. But it's the first time in many months that you're relaxed, and you can thrust slowly and sensually inside Wanda, letting her feel every movement of your cock inside her warm walls as you kiss her and whisper praises in her ear.

Heat is spread under your skin, and sweat accumulates with the slow stimulation. You feel closer each time you sink inside her, and when Wanda starts whimpering in your ear, it feels like an impossible task to hold it.

"You're close?" You pant, hips starting to buckle. "I don't think… I can hold it anymore... Wands-" You choke, letting your face fall against her collarbone. The knot in your abdomen explodes without warning, and you moan deeply as you spill yourself inside Wanda, the enchanted strap vibrating inside her. It turns out that feeling you come was the push she needed, and Wanda sobs as she feels the blinding pleasure hit her, following you into climax a second later.

For a moment, all that can be heard in that room are your breathless sighs until your hoarse and satisfied chuckles emerge.

You remain inside her when you adjust so that you rest your elbows on the mattress and see her face.

"Hey, little witch."

She pushes back her sweaty hair with one hand, the other moving to rest on your neck. "Hey, spider."

Your nose brushes against hers. "I think we nailed Valentine's Day."

She giggles before pulling you for a kiss.

#wanda maximoff x reader #wanda x reader #wanda maximoff fics #elizabeth olsen x reader #bottom!wanda #bottom!wanda maximoff #marvel imagines #wanda maximoff smut

[tossawary]

I think the vibe that I'm going for with Su Xiyan now in my fics is a lot like Kabru from "Dungeon Meshi". I wrote most of my Su Xiyan stuff before I even touched "Dungeon Meshi" and the vibes definitely aren't 1-1, but that's the good stuff I want with her. Like, she's even better at people because she's older and has more political experience, but that kind of stressed, overworked, tightly wound social manipulator smiling pleasantly while privately thinking "What the fuck? What the fuck???" to herself is funny to me.

Su Xiyan just sitting there, smiling, flirting, acting all cool, while a Demon Emperor happily (knowingly?) takes her kind of obvious bait because he's here for a good time. (Oh, no, he's HOT.) She CANNOT figure out whether or not Tianlang-Jun knows she might kill him and she's sitting through some of the worst theatre she's ever seen in her life in the meanwhile. She paid for this. Tianlang-Jun is sooooo into this stuff. WHY is she kind of into that???

And most of her social manipulation just straight-up doesn't work on Zhuzhi-Lang either because it goes over his head or he decides not to cooperate. They sit down at a restaurant together and Zhuzhi-Lang orders a bowl of raw eggs so that he can swallow them whole. Su Xiyan spends the entire meal trying to figure out whether or not Zhuzhi-Lang is fucking with her.

The answer? Yes. Zhuzhi-Lang would do this anyway, he likes eggs, but he knows normal humans don't behave this way and he's doing it now to see what Su Xiyan will do about his egg-eating in public. This is a test. (Tianlang-Jun: "Haha, did he do the egg thing again? He's really good at catching them too. Look, I can just throw them at him and he'll swallow it!") It's the great dynamic of "highly competent person who is being crushed under societal expectations" versus "a pair of total weirdos who have tuned into the joy of taking naps whenever you want, the ground is free".

#tossawary svsss #tianlang jun #zhuzhi lang #su xiyan #su xiyan/tianlang jun #fic ideas

[ktgoodmorning]

Nails

Patri Guijarro x reader

You convince Patri to get your nails done together

A little bit shorter than my usual, just cute and fluffy to wrap up my finals today.

Masterlist

“Patriiiiiii. Babyyyy.” You poked at her cheek as you whined at her, desperate for attention that she wasn’t giving you. Your girlfriend was on her laptop pretending to be focused on something while you annoyed her. You could tell from the second you started that she was no longer getting work done and was just ignoring you as a way of getting payback for your interruptions.

 “Please, baby, it's important!” Still nothing. Her hands continued to type away at her computer, leaving you to roll your eyes in frustration at this dumb game she was playing. 

“Y si hablo español? Entonces, me escucharás?” your Spanish made her pause, knowing you didn’t normally use it unless you had to. Even if she spoke it to you, typically you’d still respond in English, so it easily accomplished your goal of catching her attention. One of her eyebrows rose as she tried to suppress the smirk that was rising on her face, finally giving you a short look. But just as quickly as she got your hopes up, she turned back to her computer, making you shrink back into the couch next to her. 

“If you talk to me, I’ll do all the laundry for the week.” It was your absolute last resort and the second the words left your mouth she shut her computer and turned to face you. Both of you absolutely despised laundry so she knew exactly how serious you were when you said that and gave you her undivided attention. 

You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding, relieved to finally get what you wanted so you could ask your very important question. 

“Baby would you please come get your nails done with me later?” 

“Seriously?! That was your important question? You just want me to come with you to your nail appointment?” 

“No, Pats. I don’t just want you to come with me, I want you to get your nails done too.” You watched as her thick eyebrows scrunched up in disgust as if you’d just asked her to go with you to a garbage dump. 

Now it was her turn to start being the whiney one, instantly grumbling and complaining about your idea. “Whyyy? You know I don’t like doing anything with my nails. If I go I’ll just get like, clear. Or beige. Or something? I don’t knowww! Why do you even want me to come?” You rolled your eyes at her and the way that such a simple task seemed to turn her into a total baby. 

You reached over her to move her laptop off to the side so you could climb onto her lap, straddling her with your arms slung around her neck, forcing eye contact between you. Patri had her lower lip stuck out in a pout, still less than excited about your idea. Her puppy dog eyes were too hard to resist, making you lean in to press a short kiss to her lips. 

She was too stubborn to let go of her pout to kiss you back so the short peck was all you could leave before you spoke again. “Will you please just trust me, baby? I’m not asking you to get acrylics or anything crazy, I know what you like, remember?” Your girlfriend gave you a slight nod but still seemed apprehensive about the whole idea. “I know you like your nails short for football and for… other activities,” you both smirked at each other. “And trust me baby, I would not be willing to give that up just for you to have long nails.” The corners of her mouth rose up into a small smile, unable to feign seriousness any longer. “Just trust me, I think you’ll like what I have in mind.” 

You leaned into her for another kiss which she finally decided to return, pulling you in for a series of kisses, communicating that she was starting to agree to your plan. “Will you show me a picture of what you’re planning on or am I just supposed to agree?” 

Instead of answering, you gave her a few more kisses that had you smiling to yourself. If your silence hadn’t answered her question, the devious smile on your face surely did. “Ugh, fine. I’ll do it, but you better not make me get anything crazy.” 

“Yay!!” You threw your arms up in excitement before wrapping them around her neck and pulling her into you for a long kiss. The kiss was exactly what she wanted as a reward for agreeing to your plan and you were happy to provide. You’d been looking at ideas for your nails for weeks now and knew she would like what you had in mind once you got her to agree. “I promise, baby, you’re gonna love what I have picked out.” 

“You’re lucky I love you,” she still looked unsure but met you for more kisses, likely in an attempt to distract herself from what she had just agreed to. 

Later that afternoon when it came time for your nail appointment, Patri was filled with nerves. It amazed you how she was able to play in high pressure football games without getting nervous at all but something as simple as getting your nails done made her more apprehensive than ever. The entire drive there you could see her bouncing her leg and being much quieter than usual. Your hand on her thigh seemed to do little to calm her down from whatever she was thinking about. When you parked your car, you turned to face her in hopes of relaxing her before you had to go inside. 

“Amor, give me your hand.” she did exactly as you asked, but refused to meet your eyes. As you interlocked your fingers over the center counsel of your car, you used your free hand to gently hold the side of her face, encouraging her to look up at you. Your thumb ran along her jaw, gently helping her release some of the tension. 

“What’s wrong, baby?”

“Nothing, I’m just nervous. I don’t do stuff like this very often, it’s just weird for me.” she gave you a small shrug, “But I trust you, and I want to do this with you, especially because I know how much you love getting your nails done. As much as I’m nervous about whatever you’re gonna have them do,” she giggled lightly at the thought, but knew you wouldn’t do anything too crazy. “I want to share this with you, okay? I trust you.” Her hand squeezed yours and she turned her face into your hand so she could leave a kiss in your palm. 

It made your heart swell how much she knew this meant to you and how all she wanted was to make you happy. This was how Patri always was with you and you never got used to it. She was constantly surprising you and outdoing herself in how she treated you so all you could do was kiss her in hopes of communicating with her how grateful you were. She was the one who broke the kiss, a wide smile adorning both of your faces. “Vamos, mi amor!” It seemed she had a new wave of energy as she hopped out of your car and led you into the nail salon. 

The appointment was perfect. You loved getting your nails done to have time to yourself to relax and not have to worry about work or any other responsibilities. It was even better with Patri by your side, being able to talk and relax together, away from the outside world was exactly what both of you needed. Not only did she appreciate the relaxation time, but it opened her eyes to why exactly you cherished this time so much. 

Throughout the appointment, she could see what the artist was doing to her nails but was unable to get a clear view of what yours was painting on you, making it difficult for your girlfriend to understand why you had chosen the design you did for her. Patri knew that you rarely did things without reason, especially when you had made it clear how important it was to you that she came with to this appointment. 

The longer she sat there, the more excited she became to see what you had planned, knowing she would love whatever it was. If nothing else, it was clear you would love it and that was enough for her, no matter what it was. Your set took longer than hers which you both expected, knowing you’d be getting something more intricate. So Patri sat and chatted with you, keeping you company while still being unable to see past your nail artist’s hands to know what your nails looked like. 

She had to admit, the design you picked for her nails was absolutely perfect. The solid black fit her perfectly and the details were perfect- nothing too outlandish and still fitting her simple vibe. They were all solid black except for a little black heart on one and your initial painted in small black lettering on another. The design was perfect for her, making it obvious how well you knew her.

The second yours were finished, you rushed to pay and thank your artists before Patri had even realized you were done, pulling her out the door to your car so you could show her your nails. When you both sat down, it was Patri who spoke up first, even more excited than you. “Amor, let me see!” 

You struggled to control your smile, knowing exactly how your nails matched and how much you loved them. Wordlessly, you gave her your hand so she could see. They were a longer, more intricate version of the design she had gotten. You had long, black french tips, with the same heart as hers and a letter “P” on your ring finger. Patri held you hand her hers delicately while she admired them, both of you with matching smiles on your faces. 

“Baby, they’re perfect! I love them!” 

“Are yours okay? I tried to make sure they weren’t too wild.”

“They’re absolutely perfect. I really didn’t think I would love them as much as I do. You did well.” Your girlfriend gave you a shy smile as you still beamed at her. 

You loved matching couple-y things like this and your nails were always important to you so this was the perfect combination of your favorite things. Patri could tell how much it meant to you and she was overjoyed at your reaction and how happy it had clearly made you to share this with her. In a way, she was honored that you allowed her to join you in this as she knew it was usually your time to yourself. “I love the nails, amor.” she gave you a peck on the lips. “And I,” another kiss. “Love,” kiss. “You,” more kisses. 

Every word in her sentence was punctuated with kisses and it was your absolute favorite thing in the world, breaking into a fit of giggles at how giddy she became over something as simple as your matching nails. “And I love you, Patri,” another kiss, as you smirked at her. “Now why don’t we go home and make sure those nails don’t hinder you at all, si?”

Hope you enjoyed! I need me a girlfriend so I can get matching nails. Send some requests! I've got much more free time this week now that I'm done with finals!

Masterlist

#patri guijarro #patri guijarro imagine #patri guijarro x reader #woso x reader #woso #woso fanfics #woso imagine #woso imagines #barcelona femeni #barca femeni #fcb femeni #fcb femeni x reader #fcb femeni imagine #espwnt #woso one shot #fc barcelona #wosoreadingpatri #wosoreading24/7 #woso community

[sunkissed-zegras]

Omg omg omg I just thought about uconn wbb team with their manager on live moments. Can we get a headcannon or fic for this?

I like to think that despite being the manager, she is best friends with the team and tends to be with them (they totally didn’t pull her from her work cuz she works so much noooooo, not at all)

(^ this could also possible be why people are suspicious of she has something going on with one of the team members cuz she’s almost ALWAYS with them even outside of school and it’s to a point where ppl are like “um🤨 she’s around y’all a lot to JUST be a manager.”Just food for thought👀)

BUT IN THIS CASE, as i mentioned before we can’t expect manager-baby to be in tiktok’s and other videos and just (somehow) not being pulled into their live shenanigans.

BUT this is where people see a. just how done the manager is with the girls and b. THEIR PERSONALITY

I guarentee the girls always say how the manager is like “she’s very witty/sarcastic/a smartass/sweet/hyper.” and ppl at first are like “??? you mean that manager with a mean ass death stare?? no way.” And this is where the live moments come through.

You can really see how much she cherishes the team and her bond with them, and no matter how much they may bicker and tease eachother. They love one another.

There’s 100% a tiktok compilation of the manager being sassy/a smartass in lives you cannot convince me otherwise. Also I think manager has a MEAN ass side eye.

Along the sweetness you can also see how much they fuckin bicker.

“KK, you’re delulu with or without a man involved.”

KK: “Okay you’re off the live.” *shifts camera*

—-

“Paige you have the confidence of a much taller woman.”

Paige: “Bro I’m LITERALLY taller than you.”

“That’s what makes it more embarrassing.”

——-

Also, THE TEAM PULLS OUT MANAGERS SOFT SIDE!!!! Manager may be strict but is very sweet and loving. I also personally headcannon that they’re one of those people that call their friends pet names like “baby” “babes” “darling” “love” “sugar” “pumpkin” etc. on instinct cuz of their sweet nature. And it’s not like they’re TRYING to fluster people, it’s just what they do. Manager loves platonic love!!!! They’re also the girls safe place.

Manager can’t help but melt when it comes to the team because she just cares for them so much and they just easily take away her tough guy mask.

Also more rare clips of manager lowkey (high key) flirting with the team, which is something she tends to do off camera but sometimes slips out when the cameras rolling. (There’s 100% someone on the team that calls the manager their wife. The “yall argue like a married couple.” people)

-🐹

yes, nonnie!! manager is really close with the team because she's known them for so long and she spends sooo much time with them, it's kinda bound to happen

at first i feel like people would not like manager just because she's the friendilest (AT FIRST!!!!) but when they begin to make tik toks/do lives with her, everyone falls in love with her!!!!!!!

she's very much the glue of the team and like, she has a dynamic with everyone on the team. her and nika are like BEST friends, kk and her have a little/older sister dynamic, paige and her have an old married couple dynamic, so on and so forth. every loves a good dynamic so everyone just falls in love with her!!

oh my god, YES. she becomes a staple in UConn "fandom" bc like, she's just so iconic like??? there's like a million compilations of manager side eyeing people bc its sooo funny

the whole petname thing is SO real, thats also why people start to believe that she's dating one of the players😭😭 ALSO, when she meets fans and stuff, she will call them petnames (again cus it's like normal for her) and again people just fall in love w her

there are more random manager headcanons coming soon promise 🫶🏼

SEND MORE THOUGHTS, I LOVE READING THEMMMMM!!!!!!

#🐹 nonnie! #uconn wbb manager ★ #paige buckets #paige bueckers x reader #paige bueckers #paige bueckers smut #paige bueckers fanfiction #paige bueckers x oc #paige bueckers headcannons #paige bueckers fic #uconn huskies #uconn wbb #kk arnold #uconn women’s basketball #uconn wbb manager thoughts 💭

[dazai-ritualist]

Yan Alastor when he sees his kids arrive in hell? The family is soon to be back together again!!? I need some angst! The family drama is crazy, and im all for it.

Also i hope you’re doing okay! Sending you some supportive vibes!! Remember to take care of yourself and take breaks!

Ps: Al would totally forgive his daughter of his death and compliment her daughters aim.

STUCK WITH U?

[you should prob read the story first!]

— reunited with your children years after your death, something strange happened.

hello, nonnie!! im doing well as long as u guys r enjoying this story 🥰💕

beloved mother, wife, and daughter

resting beside her love, may her soul find his in the afterlife

if you tried to be optimistic, hell wasn’t so bad. you never had to worry much for the exterminations. nor, did you have to worry about being harassed on the streets of hell by various sinners. after all, alastor was there to protect you.

but despite that, it didn’t mean he wouldn’t tear you down to make you compliant.

you sat in a corner of alastor’s broadcast tower as he brutally tore apart another overlord. and as he went off the air, he turned to you. “are you enjoying yourself, my doe?” he asked. “i don’t understand why i have to be here…” you said, mentally hurling from his new pet name. “you’re so delicate, my love. one trip and you could break! i have to be there to make sure you’re well at all times.” he cooed to you. “stop patronizing me, alastor. i won’t let you take away my dignity.” you glared at him. “darling, i may not own your soul. but, you are still my wife. you are mine, understand?” he explained, walking to you.

you didn’t respond to him, refusing to let him degrade your self worth. to this, he grew angry— grabbing you by your jaw and scalp, his claws scratching against your porcelain skin, lovingly yet still rough, as if he thought it was for your own good. “i said, do you understand?”

his face came close to your’s as he kept a tight grip on your hair, waiting for your answer. your fight or flight response was sending signals and going haywire as you tried to pull away from his touch. “yes— gh, let go of me, alastor. please…” you begged as he finally let go. “good girl.”

and just then, an awfully convenient knock came from the door. a man with lamb-like features peered through the door. “and, who might you be?” alastor raised an eyebrow to the man. “so it’s true… d-dad..! it’s me!” the familiar voice said. could it be?

“noah— is that you..?” you asked. you hoped it wasn’t him, that he didn’t end up in hell. but at the same time, you wished to see your son one more time so badly. “momma, it’s me!” he smiled, hugging you and alastor tightly. “ah, my boy…” alastor sighed. “you’re so much older than your old man now, huh?” he remarked. but then, it hit you, he was dead.

“wh— dear, what happened, how did you die?” you asked. “killed in action, ma. guess i should’ve just retired already…” he joked. “oh, my son…” alastor grinned.

and things were normal— at least, as normal as they could be with your deranged husband. things stayed as they were for 13 years.

when rumor spread of a mysterious man-eating sinner— she uses them to build her power, and then she drops them like dirt trash. she’s amassed so much power, she’s certainly a threat to alastor’s power. if he couldn’t get rid of her, perhaps he could keep her under his thumb.

“well, how do you do, sweetheart? alastor, pleasure to meet you, quite the pleasure! this over here is my darling wife!” alastor introduced both him and yourself to the older woman with features that resembled a coyote. “alastor..? is that you, dad?” the honey-like voice asked.

alastor’s eyes had widened as he realized the woman in front of him. “little emi, is that you?” emilia reached out to hug the both of you. she aged beautifully, still as charming as she was the day you died.

“oh, my pretty girl, you’ve made quite the name for yourself down here in hell, hm?” alastor grinned at his daughter. “i learned from the best!” she laughed back.

and as they conversed, you felt like an odd man out. as if alastor was talking to his own clone. given, she is her father’s daughter after all.

“darling! our little emi is here, our little family is reunited at last.” alastor grinned to you. “this calls for a celebration, don’t you think? why don’t we have a special dinner tonight?” he suggested. by his tone, the only thing you could think of would be that he wants to have another sinner served on the dinner table. “i-i don’t know…” you shook your head in disagreement. “now don’t be such a negative nancy!” he laughed. “i’ll cook a feast tonight!” he declared, taking emilia to your home in hell.

and, just as you suspected, he served the flesh of a fellow overlord, fillet mignon style. “come now, dear, eat!” alastor said, encouraging you to take a bite. “no thank you… i’m not hungry.” you frowned, shaking your head. alastor looked frustrated as you denied him. “eat.” he said, shoving the meat into your mouth.

you felt sick. but, as he shoved it down your throat, you had no choice but to swallow. “delicious, isn’t it?” he asked. your stomach churned, the guilt settling in your gut. it tasted disgusting. but, as much as you wanted to protest, you were scared of what he’d do if you disagreed. “yes… it is— delicious.” he grinned. “lovely.”

and so, your family dynamic had returned to as it had 47 years ago. back to normal… that is, until that odd day.

you woke up in your bed, as per usual. and, there was a note where alastor should be. not that you weren’t grateful he wasn’t there though.

‘leaving for a sabbatical, you know overlord work! i’ll be home very soon, my doe. kisses and love.

~ A’

sabbatical, huh? he’ll be gone for quite a while, a year at most? and, without alastor, you’re free. it felt as if breathing fresh air for the first time. even if just for a year or so, you won’t have to be on his leash anymore. all would be well now, right?

right..?

but with your freedom, alastor’s protection was gone. sinners started to harass you. and without the company of emilia, you could do nothing but withstand it.

this is all apart of being free. might as well enjoy it until alastor returned, right? make the most of the year.

or, seven years.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader #alastor #alastor x reader #alastor hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor #hazbin hotel alastor #hasbin alastor #alastor hazbin x reader #alastor hc #alastor headcanons #human alastor #alastor the radio demon #yandere alastor #yandere hazbin hotel #yandere

[weebsinstash]

I've been having a lot of FOOD based ideas for Alastor recently, because cooking and eating in general can actually be VERY personal, intimate things, so here's a bunch of concepts all at once

- I keep thinking of ideas where Reader's hotel room is set up like a studio apartment and you have your own little kitchen in there and ideas stemming from that where Alastor likes to pop in and see what youre cooking and, semi occasionally give critique you didnt ask for but is sometimes actually super helpful

You know, I've had a whole "hotel having group meals" thing and I just picture there are specific nights or times where everyone has the option to gather for some home cooked food, but Alastor refuses to participate because Lucifer is the one cooking, so he's wandering the Hotel until he smells something absolutely delicious, and he finds you cooking in your room, and him visiting you starts becoming a regular thing. He just suddenly appears two feet behind you without warning, "SO! What's for eatin' tonight?" with his Cheshire grin while you give a startled shriek and he potentially has to keep you from spilling or breaking whatever you're holding

- I've been learning how to cook more things and, since it's, you know, LEARNING, I have to look up and double check a lot of stuff, which I use my cellphone for, and I can imagine Alastor HAAAAATING this. You're telling me you've got this intelligent, distinguished gentleman chef right next to you and his nosey ass peeks over your shoulder to see you Voogling "how to cook rice"???? You'd rather use that blasted device than ask your deer friend? He'd be kind of offended actually. Just one of those things that makes him click his tongue at you and pat your head like you're so pitifully helpless, how are you EVER going to be able to care for yourself if you overly rely on tech so much? Guess he'll just have to use this as an excuse to become a mentor to you--

- so, you know, I'm gonna come right out and say I have some, vaguely disordered eating habits, and I can just picture Alastor having some uh, feelings about if his dear Reader wasn't eating properly. Like, this is a Louisiana man from the deep south who's probably grown up on all kinds of soul food and delicious but soooo unhealthy meals where the focus is really more on if it fills your tummy and tastes good, so like... imagine he's been dining with you and getting closer to you and he pops in on you one day, "hey hon, what's for lunch today?" in his typical joking self and you're just like, "oh actually I'm on a diet so I'm fasting right now :)". Pandemonium.

Like literally, Alastor is deriving so much comfort and entertainment from your food and getting to spend time with you and even just chat with you while you cook even of he isn't hungry, and one day he hears your stomach growl and he asks you when you ate last and "oh I had a breakfast sandwich yesterday morning" and you act like that's totally normal that you're standing there borderline salivating from hunger and he can HEAR your tummy growling and you're just "oh my gosh I'm so happy I've been losing so much weight! This new diet is really working for me ^^"

- honestly I keep thinking of. Alastor with a BBW or just plus sized person in general and he loves how big and soft and cuddly you are and you bake all kinds of delicious treats and snacks to spoil him with and he gives you hugs like he did with Mimzy so you can really SQUEEZE his lanky scarecrow ass up against your plush body, BUT I also see him in this scenario personally detesting when you start dieting, because in this scenario you're basically becoming kind of orthorexic, fasting, limiting what foods you eat and how much, eating foods with very little caloric value in high amounts. He can't share meals with you anymore. You don't cook the foods he likes anymore. You're becoming obsessed with diet and exercise but you're not even consuming the right combination of nutrients to properly and healthily lose weight and build muscle so you're just, slowly becoming weaker and more malnourished like LITERALLY becoming significantly more unhealthy trying to diet than what you were doing before

I just picture it gets to the point where Alastor literally forces you to eat. I'm talking you're bound in a chair, he's sitting across from you, and there's a hearty meaty bowl of stew in his hands as he raises a spoonful up to your mouth. You're crying and whimpering over how this will make you gain weight and being forced to take bites and, something about this meat tastes a little unusual as Alastor starts talking about, "lovely ladies such as yourself need more iron in their diet to stay healthy"

- I know I keep thinking of Alastor cannibalism ideas in a horror context but I've also thought about Reader CONSENSUALLY engaging in cannibalism. Like. Alastor comes to visit you one day and he can tell something has happened to you. It's all over your face: dour expression, dead eyes, low voice, just more withdrawn. You're cooking some kind of meat in a way he would consider almost experimental, as if you're not used to preparing this dish before, dont know how to season or flavor it. I think he would be able to tell by the smell what it is but I like to picture he's in peaceful ignorance until you quietly set down a plate in front of him and one for yourself as you take a seat with him and you just, quietly glance from him and the food and start talking,

"I, uh... was drinking with a friend of mine, a male friend... JUST a friend, and, I, I thought he was really nice, and, funny, and, I caught him trying to put something in my drink, so," and you look up at Alastor after you finish chewing a bite,

"Does he taste overcooked to you?"

And Alastor just gets this BIG smile, ears twitching happily, so thrilled for multiple multiple reasons, "oh hon, he tastes DIVINE, you really outdid yourself❤️❤️❤️"

- I will say though an idea I keep coming back to actually involves Rosie! You've been cooking with Alastor for weeks and, one day he shows up with company! I think it would actually be quite flattering at first: Alastor brought a friend to eat with you? And she's like, an important person? So... you're friends then? He likes you enough to bring his buddies around and introduce you? And of course, Rosie is an absolute delight, loves your cooking, loves your jokes, adores you, tries to chatter and pry all kinds of juicy details and gossip out of you, just a friendly chatty Cathy

Unbeknownst to you, some of the meat Alastor occasionally provides has been different types of Sinner Demons and one day Rosie comes to stop by where you're staying and, you're absolutely hysterical, in a rage, and Rosie has to ask Alastor, "oh, what's wrong? What's with all the tears, hon?"

"She doesn't like eating Hector."

"But she LOVES eating Hector! She loves how all his cartilage and fat cooks down!"

"She :) may or may not have been aware she was eating Hector"

"ALASTOR >:("

But Rosie is also too attached with you at this point so, you know, they'll ""apologize"" for not informing you you've been eating like entire fucking people, but, they're not uh, they're not gonna stop coming around. Like can you picture they come to visit you days later like it's nothing and you don't come to the door and they "invite themselves in" (alastor may or may not have copied your key, not that he needs to but it's more formal than using his magic to break in) and your fridge and pantry have been completely cleared out of every single ingredient and cooked meal, like you couldn't trust a single fucking thing, not even the bouillon cubes, and they find all your lovingly cooked meals that the two cannibals loved to eat with you, rotting in a garbage can outside. Not that they're gonna dig shit out of the trash or anything but like imagine them BEING ANNOYED that you've wasted perfectly good food. Not just your money, but, sweetie, all your hard work :'(

- also, final one. Circling back to the "you cook in your hotel room but sometimes Lucifer serves group meals" idea, imagine Alastor eventually really does something to piss you off and, he's coming to join you for dinner and there's already other people there, the whole Hotel actually, INCLUDING Lucifer. And I just. Oooo I picture the jealousy, like EXTREME JEALOUSY where you're turning and asking Lucifer how to do certain things and teach you and you just seem so much more COMFORTABLE around the tiny devil over the cannibal and Alastor is grinding his teeth while you're talking, "Alastor doesn't like tea so, I guess you and I get to have all this sweet tea I made for ourselves" and Lucifer just, "oh gosh, I'd never pass up on something YOU made. I've been having a lot of fun teaching you stuff and cooking more! You could even call us," *looks DIRECTLY at Alastor* "best friends >:)"

ALASTOR GRINDING HIS TEETH TO DUST, stalking up to the two of you, twisting and snapping his neck to tower over Lucifer, "may I SPEAK with you PRIVATELY for a moment" and Lucifer just, "uhhhhhh, no? I'm helping her finish food for everyone" and then the little fallen angel turns his head towards you, "oh no, don't cut that like that, you might hurt yourself!" And he slides up next to you on a stool or uses his wings and, he's MUCH touchier than Alastor so the stag is like VISIBLY UPSET as Lucifer gently puts his own hands over yours, "here, place your fingers like this and cut in this motion--" AND WHAT'S THE WORST IS YOU DON'T SEEM TO MIND LUCIFER TOUCHING YOU, like. Alastor is about to start full blown tantruming on a room full of people. Charlie is inviting him to come and sit down while Husker knows the Radio Demon well enough to see he's about to pop a blood vessel and prompt excuses himself from the room to avoid what will surely become a physical altercation

God forbid, Lucifer says some shit like, "you know, your cooking reminds me a lot like my third wife's" and you're just "oh, you got married a third time???" And here's the Devil, SHAMELESSLY "oh, not yet ;)"

Yeah, I'd say a pretty big fight would break out after that

#yandere x reader #yandere hazbin hotel #alastor x reader #Lucifer x reader #hh #sinprompts #yandere stuff

[houserautha]

I desperately need to know how Feyd handles his wife going into labor, and how he is during it! I feel like he would be so out of his realm, and in aw of his strong wife but also very distraught

I need to bear this man’s children

Same

I think you’re exactly right! In my head, at first, he’s totally cool about it. Like if his wife’s water breaks or contractions start, he’s holding her hand and coaching her through it.

But then labor really kicks in.

Honestly I think Feyd would feel so fucking helpless and that would frustrate him to no end. There is no enemy for him to vanquish. He can’t solve his wife’s problems with his blade or with his wealth or through intimidation. He just has to endure this with her as she’s doubled over in pain and crying out and cursing his name. And her labor seems to go on and on and on.

And as a result he would snap and bark at anyone who came near her. On a normal day everyone is afraid of Feyd, but now they’re absolutely terrified. It makes it hard for his wife to receive treatment because he glowers at the physician and the servants who bring his wife ice chips. Eventually his wife has to send him out on a walk or an errand or something — anything for him to relieve his molten-hot anger.

And, of course, he would be a good little soldier and obey. Feyd would stew the whole time and probably reflect about his wife’s pregnancy and his upcoming role as a father. And right as he’s wondering what the hell he just got himself into, a servant fetches him to let him know that his wife has started pushing and the baby will arrive sooner rather than later.

Harkonnens know well that labor is just as taxing as battle, so the physicians allow Feyd’s wife to labor however she pleases. His anger would transform into absolute awe and admiration, watching as his wife works through each contraction, body shuddering, covered in sweat and reddened in the face. And he would think that his wife has never looked more beautiful, that all of his victories pale in comparison to the slick thud of his child sliding into the physician’s hands, his wife’s resulting cry of exultation.

Feyd has never felt so many things all at once, or so deeply. It crashes into him like a fucking sucker punch. He uses a ceremonial blade to sever the umbilical cord, the tether between his wife and his son — who sucks in his first breath and releases it with tumultuous fury, bloodied and bruised from his own battle.

And then the physician is handing his wife the infant and Feyd’s entire world shifts. There is nothing more magnificent as his wife, smiling despite her prior agony, holding the babe to her chest as he squirms and writhes and wails. Feyd realizes with dizzying certainty how his family had failed him, had looked at him as a helpless babe and still wreaked havoc upon his life — and how he would never allow the same fate to befall his son. No, Feyd would do anything for his new family and, as far as he was concerned, his only family.

#I dunno this made me feel so many things #it’s 1am this might just be nonsense #I feel like it would a monumental shift for Feyd #it makes me sad he’ll never meet his daughter #feyd rautha #dune #feyd rautha harkonnen

[calliopesdiary]

escapism. TEASER

MINORS DNI- 18+ NSFW

poly!marauders band au + leadsinger!reader

warnings: this fic contains: smut, punishing kink, degrading kink, finger fucking, manhandling

summary: when you and the boys get into a slight disagreement, during one of your shows you sing a song you KNOW they don't like you singing. and lets just say you get a... stern talking to.

contents: fem!leadsinger!reader, i don't know how to write smut..., bassist!remus, drummer!james, guitarist!sirius, cussing

a/n: as i've implied previously this is my first attempt at writing smut, so lmk if its good!!

a/n for teaser: i’m genuinely curious if i can write smut because (im a dirty lil virgin) but also i’ve never even tried

YOU KNEW THIS WOULD END BADLY... your boys were going to be pissed at you, but somehow you couldn't find it in your heart to feel guilty or bad. they hurt your feelings, so you'd just hurt them back.

it was certainly not the right way to go through this.

but there was something so thrilling about it, about singing this song. up on stage. with thousands of people to see. and you could bask in the glory of pissing off your boyfriends.

was it really your fault? the feminine urge to sing this song was overwhelming and... let's just say you had totally recorded it behind their backs. when you first showed Remus the lyrics he was skeptical.

"Love, I admire the tempo but don't you think it's a little too dirty for our genre?" You knew he was probably just jealous about you saying those kinds of words for everyone in the world to hear.

James was next, and James could be blunt.

"I adore the intro, sweetheart. but I don't like you talking that way unless its with us." you remember him shrugging.

Sirius, ohh god, Sirius.

"No."

"Why-"

"I'm not letting you play that at a show.

bingo, they were jealous of the lyrics they were hearing.

so when you had that argument, you knew this was the perfect way at getting them back.

the show started out as usual, playing the normal set. but not making eye contact with your boys.

you set up a track before you went on.

"You guys can leave the stage now." you looked up at James.

"Aren't you going to leave aswell? your body needs rest-"

"I'm fine, I had coffee." You snarked, stepping back onstage. the crowd cheering for your return.

"Alllright... this last song- honestly isn't pg at all and i'm probably going to get murdered for this but-"

the track starts, the boys can hear it from backstage. Sirius is pissed, sexually.

"sleezin' and teasin', i'm sittin' on him-"

"all of my diamonds are drippin' on him."

"i met him at the bar- it was 12 or somethin'"

"i ordered two more wines cause tonight i want em'"

"that bitch-" Sirius slurs.

"a little context- if you care to listen."

"just a heartbroke-bitch, high-heels six-inch."

"in the back of the nightclub, sippin' champagne."

you had done it, sang the whole song with the audience going absolutely insane. and your boyfriends were pissed to say the least.

after you had finished, you wandered off stage when you got lectured.

(full version is coming (unfortunately) soon)

#calliopesdiary #marauders era #fem!reader #remus lupin #sirius black #james potter #marauders #fanfiction #poly!marauders x reader #minors dni #smut #marauders smut

[starfxkr]

omg i read about kitten!reader going through jj’s phone bc she’s obsessed with his ex flings and occasionally starts crying!!

sooo what came to my mind was bunny!reader going through rafe’s phone and finding an old chat between him and an ex girlfriend that’s like from 6 years ago but she texted him a few months ago and he didn’t even answer?!?

and she gets so mad and sad that she starts crying and then she just smashes his phone on the ground that it’s totally broken and he has to calm her down before he can give it to her the best way because she’s literally hyperventilating🎀

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 .

hey rafe! wanna watch up?

that was all the message said but it was enough to send your heart barreling to the pit of your stomach. you normally didn't mind going through rafe's phone, he had very little to peruse through anyways but a comment left by some girl on instagram made your senses start tingling.

there was no evidence of her on his account, not even in his archive, but based on their old chat they dated years ago. and every single text you read made you feel sick. from him calling her 'baby' to the sexts, it was enough to make you want to scream. but what was worst was the very last message. sent 3 months ago--you and rafe had been together for a year.

sure he didn't answer, but he still read it an instead of blocking her he let it sit there.

you come storming into his office, weepy and erratic with his phone in you're hand.

"are you fuckin serious? this bitch is texting you and you didn't do anything?" you're hyperventilating, barely able to be understood through your sobs.

rafe looked so shocked he could barely speak, eyebrows scrunched as he tried to work out what was going on, "what the fu- hey what's your fuckin problem i'm working."

he barely has time to duck before the phone goes flying past his head, smashing against the wall and clattering in peaces.

"why-why-why would she text you if she knows we're together!!!" you're hysterical now and rafe walks around his desk to attempt to hold you, grabbing your wrists to dodge your smacking hands until you collapse into his chest sobbing.

he lets you cry for a second, rubbing your back in soothing circles before speaking, "bunny, i don't even know what you're talkin about. clearly it's not that important to me if i didn't respond huh?"

you take a shuddering breath and nod--he was right, he didn't pay it any mind.

"now...you did break my phone however, so you're in trouble for that understand?"

you nod again.

"alright, now we'll worry bout that later, it's looking like i gotta prove to my girl she's the only one for me."

#✨.txt #rafe cameron prompt #bunny!reader

[thefunkfactory]

The Valedictorian

Bruno had been focused on school his entire life. Ever since he could remember his whole world had revolved around his education, he spent all of highschool taking Honors classes, volunteering whenever he could, and joining any clubs he could think of to help him get into a good college. It was no surprise to anyone that he had gotten into the college of his dreams and had been invited to a meeting with a few other of the top students at his high school. The principal, Mr. Davis, invited the top 5 students out of all of the seniors to his office to discuss the chance for one of them to be the valedictorian. Alongside Bruno was Korbin, Hamza, Riley, and Gino all of which were truly nerd stereotypes except for Gino. Gino was still incredibly nerdy but he was also a total loner, for the entirety of high school not a single person had really gotten that close to him. After the short meeting, in which the boys learned that they had two months to craft a speech to be judged by Mr. Davis, Bruno headed home and got started on his speech.

(Top Left to Bottom Right: Bruno, Korbin, Hamza, Riley)

Over the next few weeks as all the boys toiled away at their speeches they all would be periodically called in to have meetings with Mr. Davis. The week after they all learned about the speech they all got invited to a meeting the day before it was about to happen. As Bruno was leaving his last class of the day he was talking with Korbin about how their speeches are going. Korbin seemed really proud of what he had done so far, he had admitted to Bruno that he hadn’t written a ton but that he had definitely been working on it whenever he could. The next day as Bruno was walking to go join the other boys in the meeting he ran into Korbin again, but he immediately felt something was off about Korbin. As he was talking to Korbin he realized that Korbin reeked of B.O., noticing that Bruno asked “Korbin, you smell absolutely malodorous today!”. Korbin looked at Bruno with this empty look that seemed to have the slightest hint of confusion hidden within it, he lifted up his arm and took a long deep sniff of his own armpit, “Huh…I guess I am sorta funky broooo…”. It was so odd to Bruno that Korbin was talking sorta like the dumb jocks that they go to school with but he thought that Korbin was just doing a bit or something. Bruno asked Korbin, “Did you put deodorant on today?” and Korbin responded “Uhhhh nah bruh huhuhuh. Why would i wanna cover my broscent?”. It was off putting to Bruno that Korbin was still talking like this but he just wanted to get away from the cloud of Korbin’s teenage funk.

The next day Bruno saw Korbin talking to a group of the baseball jocks in the hallways and headed over, “Hey Korbin!” Bruno cheerfully said, “Do you know this dweeb Korbin?” one of the jocks asked, “Uhhhhh huhuhuh nah I don’t think so!” responded Korbin. Feeling hurt that someone who was always pretty nice to him suddenly acted like he never knew him Bruno began to try and protest to remind Korbin that they know each other. As soon as Bruno opened his mouth and tried to say “But Korbin we do know each other” one of the baseball jocks lifted up his arm revealing a forest of sweaty hair and said “Get out of here before i shove you into my pit prision huhuhuhuhuh”. Quickly retreating from the stench that was pouring out of the jock’s armpits Bruno was so confused about what happened to Korbin, two days ago he was his normal self and now all of a sudden he is transformed into a stupid, smelly 18 year old hanging out with a posse of other brainless teens who never shower enough. Korbin didn’t show up to the next meeting with the other valedictorian candidates, but Bruno began chatting with Hamza about how he was concerned about Korbin. Hamza confided in Bruno that he shared the same sentiment, apparently Hamza went over to Korbin’s house one night to talk to him about their Valedictorian speeches and he completely didn’t recognize Korbin when he opened the door. Hamza told Bruno that Korbin had an absolute 180 and is a total jock now, when Korbin opened the door he was wearing a graphic tank top with pit stains and he had a cloud of body odor that hung around him constantly. Shocked at this, Bruno and Hamza kept talking on the way back to their cars.

The next time there was a meeting Bruno saw Hamza sitting at the table next to Gino and Riley. Riley had a look of disgust covering his face and as Bruno walked into the room he realized why, the entire room smelled like a dutch oven, the room absolutely stank to high heaven. Bruno looked at the boys sitting at the table and watched as Hamza lifted his ass off of the seat and just let a loud ass fart rip out of his ass, “WOOOO HUHUHUH…THAT ONE WAS FOUUULLLL” said Hamza in a voice that was now naturally just a step or two below yelling. As Bruno reluctantly took his seat at the table he looked at the boys again and saw that as Hamza let out another cloud of potent fumes, Riley scooted away and covered his nose with his shirt and Gino just sat there and smirked.

A few days after the meeting most of the boys were coming up on finishing their speeches to submit to Mr. Davis, after the last meeting the boys decided to peer review each others papers. To make it easier they would just split into two pairs, Hamza with Bruno and Riley with Gino. Two days before the next meeting Bruno went over to Hamza’s house to work with him on their speeches. Bruno was let in by Hamza’s little brother who told him that “Hamza should be waiting for you in his room, he has barely left all week! I hope this speech thing is over soon so he can have somewhat of a life again.”. Bruno went upstairs to Hamza’s room and knocked on the door, “COME ON IN BROSKI!” Bruno heard from inside the room. Upon opening the door Bruno was hit with a wave of Hamza’s repugnant ass stench. After recovering from what essentially felt like receiving a fart right in your face, Bruno entered the room and noticed that it looked nothing like a nerd’s room. The room was covered in posters of hunky men, the floor was covered in used clothes, there was trash everywhere, and Hamza was laying in his bed just in underwear and socks. “YOOOO BRUNOOO WELCOME TO MY MAN CAVE!” Hamza bellowed out. “Umm hey Hamza” Bruno said timidly, this was not the Hamza he was talking to a week ago. After trying to read Hamza’s speech, Bruno couldn’t help but notice that about halfway through the quality of the writing went from the writing of a senior in college to the writing of an 8th grader. Turning to face Hamza Bruno was met with Hamza pawing his crotch through his undies. “DUDE?! Can you maybe not do that while I'm here?!” snapped Bruno “WOAH SORRY BRO DIDN’T KNOW THAT WOULD TICK YOU OFF SO MUCH” it seemed that Hamza was stuck always talking in a loud cadence for some reason. “Can you also put something on…like something more than just a jockstrap?”. “OH LEMME PUT ON MY NEW SINGLET COACH JUST GOT IT FOR ME!” Suddenly Hamza reached into a gym bag that had been sitting on the floor and took out a wrestling singlet. As Hamza began to put it on he bent over and Bruno heard Hamza let a fart slip out between his cheeks almost as if he couldn’t control when it happened. Sitting back down after getting the singlet on, Hamza looked at Bruno and flexed for him saying “IM SO GLAD MY BRO GINO INTRODUCED ME TO THE WRESTLING COACH! HE SAYS IM A NATURAL AT IT!”

Bruno hadn’t seen Hamza since he left his house two days before but he was sort of expecting to see him at the meeting. As Bruno got out of his car in the parking lot he saw what looked like Riley walking past his car,”Hey! Riley wait up!” Bruno called out. Riley turned around and Bruno realized that this isn’t the same Riley that he had seen the past few weeks. He was much more disheveled and looked like he was a bonafide skater bro, he opened his mouth and what came out disgusted Bruno. “What’s BEEEELLLCCCHHHH uhhhh up bro?” without missing a beat Riley blew his belch right into Bruno’s face. This was nothing like the quiet nerd who had been silently and politely attending the meetings over the past few weeks. “Woah Riley! What happened to you?!”, “Oh huhuhuh, what are you talking about brochacho? I've always been like this.”, Bruno was so confused, does he not remember that he was a smart preppy guy just a few days ago? “No, you haven't always been like this! Just a few days ago you were like me and Gino!” Bruno watched as Riley tried to think but it was obvious it wasn’t working, Riley scratched his ass and looked into Bruno’s eyes as he let out another loud belch that reeked of his stinking morning breath.

Bruno finally put two and two together, Gino must somehow have something to do with this! Storming into the meeting room Bruno saw Gino sitting alone in the room. Walking right up to Gino, Bruno began integrating him like a mad man asking him question after question about what happened to Korbin, Hamza, and now most recently Riley. Gino played dumb but eventually he realized that Bruno should know what happened to the other nerds. “I can’t believe you figured it out. It took you long enough though.”, “Aha I knew you did something to them! You gotta make them normal again! They aren’t meant to be dumb stinking idiots!”, “Oh don’t worry about them, they are happier now trust me, annnd it gives us more of a chance at being valedictorian”, “I don’t want to be valedictorian if it means making my competition into complete nitwits! What did you even do to them?!”, “ You really want to know?”, “YES! I want to know what you did to make them so…disgusting”, “Well Korbin was easy, I just simply texted him and asked if he wanted to come over and work on our speeches together. He was so naive, he didn’t even think about it before he was at my door. Once I got him to my room I just held him under my armpit until he stopped struggling and from there it was easy enough to influence his foggy brain into hating deodorant and make him realize that his true passion has been baseball not competing to be some nerd. Then Hamza was a little harder, he put up such a fight as I held him down and let my ass stink infect his brain. Oh you should have seen his face as he succumbed to the stench, he looked so cute as he farted out his smarts. I think he realized after the struggle he put up to get me off of him that wrestling was his calling. And poor, sweet Riley, he was the easiest, I mean all I had to do was flirt with him a little the other night and when I leaned in for a kiss he jumped at the opportunity. Then it was all down hill from their for that scrawny dweeb, I burped in his mouth, I thought he would have been disgusted but no he got hard when I did. From there it was just a matter of a few more rancid belches and he was burping out the alphabet, i'm surprised he still knows it heheheh!” “What the fuck how, thats not how anything works!” “Awww is big brained Bruno dumbstruck? Don’t worry I will help you understand.” Bruno sees as Gino gets up from his chair and Bruno begins backing away towards the door. Turning around to open the door, Bruno bumps into Mr. Davis, “Mr. Davis you gotta get me out of here! Gino is crazy!” Bruno cried out, “Hey it’s not nice to talk about a fellow student that way!” Mr. Davis responded “Now why don’t you sit down so that we can get this meeting over with”. “No no no I have to leave!” Mr. Davis grabbed Bruno and calmly said, “But that would ruin my son’s plan”. Shocked, Bruno asked “Your…son…?”, “Yes Bruno, my son, Gino. He has been wanting to be valedictorian for so long that I knew I had to help him.” “What do you mean?! You helped Gino transform the rest of the candidates?!” “Well, sort of…” Mr. Davis remarked. Gino chimed in with “It is our family’s secret, all the Davis men produce such a potent stink that if inhaled directly from the source it will turn the victim into essentially nothing more than a bumbling neanderthal whose new sole purpose is to produce more of the stench that transformed them. And I think it is your turn to join the rest of the boys”.

Struggling to break free from Mr. Davis, Bruno didn’t even notice that Gino had removed his sneaker and was walking towards him. As Gino got up close, Bruno began thrashing his head as to not have Gino’s brain-draining foot funk infiltrate his head. “Daaaad, make him stop that!” Mr. Davis suddenly let out a blundering fart that began to quickly fill the room with the stench of rotten eggs. Breathing in the rank fart filling the room Bruno’s struggle began to cease and he heard Gino say “Nice one Dad, that was nasty! This is gonna be so much easier for me!” Feeling Gino place the foul smelling shoe over his nose and mouth, Bruno tried to the best of his abilities to hold his breath, and as he was trying to think of a way out he couldn’t hold his breath any longer and took a massive whiff of the malodorous prison his face was trapped in. Immediately he felt like his brain was turned into mush, Bruno tried to push the shoe away but with Mr. Davis holding him it was practically impossible. Slowly the stench began to envelop more and more of his brain and at the same time he felt a pressure in his feet. His feet began to stretch and ache as he could hear the fabric of his shoes ripping. As his shoes bursted off of the growing giants that keep him standing, the foot funk he developed to match Gino’s stench poured out and began to fill the room. Gino took a deep breath in and sighed “You stink almost worse than I do heheheh”. Feeling as everything he knew beginning to drift away due to the stupefying odor that Gino was forcing him to breathe and due to his own newly minted teenage foot funk, Bruno desperately tried to hold onto as much of his intelligence as he could, he was doing math equations in his head but with every sniff they got harder and harder, his impeccable knowledge of history was ruined as Gino’s foot funk rendered Bruno almost incapable of remembering yesterday let alone something that happened hundreds of years ago, and the only science fact that he would ever retain is that his dominant pheromones are able to attract the cute little twinks he mindlessly tries to impregnate. Feeling a weird sensation in his head akin to pouring out a can of soda, Bruno began to hump the air as a new pressure grew in his crotch. As he kept feeling the effects of the stink induced brain drain his humping grew more and more intense until he completely lost control of his body and mind and felt as the final bit of his intellect was turned into nothing more than a wet spot in his shorts.

Without any competition Gino easily became valedictorian, while Korbin, Hamza, Riley and Bruno were left as 4 B.O. huffing, fart smelling, belching, and shoe sniffing morons.

#farts #dumber #armpits #musk #stink #jock tf #TTF

[user211201]

Totally Normal

---

Originally posted on 2023-12-08

Author: dumb-and-jocked.

---

“Welcome back to Totally Normal, the online show where we narrow down the one thing that makes us all meet that standard!”

The host then hit a button on his laptop, releasing an audio for an uproarious round of applause. With his entire audience streaming in live, he had to make due with tracks. He didn’t mind it though; he could always predict what his viewers were thinking. It was like they shared the same mind.

“My name’s DJ, and before you ask, yes I have a side gig in music.” A laugh track obnoxiously inserted itself. “I don’t dabble in the typical jazz; I remix these men back to the tunes they oughta be singing.”

Another fake round of applause. The host smirked before continuing forward with the rules.

“The point of the game is simple: Figure out that one thing that makes someone totally normal. Through a series of questions, I’m going to chisel away at our contestants until we get to the base. For every wrong answer, a vibration will be sent out to their device until they head back on the right track. We want to find out that one thing that solidifies them as an average joe, but we don't exactly know what that thing is."

The host then took a scripted pause. "Well, *I *know what that thing is.”

Another laugh track entered before the host silenced his imaginary audience. “So, let’s get down to it. We have our men here, but ARE THEY NORMAL?”

The last three words were all enunciated with the typical gameshow pazazz. The host even had an accompanying audio that made it seem like there was an audience chanting it with him.

On cue, the livestream booted up a panel of the three contestants. The first was a shy young man, who by his age looked to be in college but by his height possibly younger. The second was the typical corporate homosexual, the breed who was already happily married and wore tight, designer clothing. And last but not least, the third looked just a little older than the first with an office that displayed the inner workings of a minor start-up.

“Help me welcome our first contestant, coming from the cool waves of Cali, here comes Cody!”

Corey opened his mouth to kindly correct the host, but was immediately silenced by the massive track of applause. A small and nervous 20-year-old, Corey was an academically-fine student at a state school. He worked as an IT intern, helping others work through their issues in a manner where he didn’t have to fully engage. Yet he knew he would probably have to work through this introvert problem if he ever truly wanted to make a loyal boyfriend from the crop of surfers across the street.

“Up next is our cowboy-tootin’, bullet-firin’ family man, Norman!”

Nolan made a face of disgust, but he too didn’t stand a chance against the fake cheers. He’d settled down with his husband just about 10 years ago in the suburbs. Working for a Fortune 500 company, he had everything a man of his caliber could want. Great company, great style, great pets instead of real children. Nolan loved his little metropolitan life.

“And finally, the privileged heir to the corporate throne, it’s Asher!”

Aaron rolled his eyes as the artificial eruption burst through his speakers. He assumed that this narcissistic jock host had gotten all of the contestants names wrong. Aaron had built his own business up from the ground, an independent hard-worker with no one tying him down. It wasn’t that Aaron didn’t want a boyfriend, he just needed to focus on himself. That’s why he was keeping it casual, hooking up with boys a little younger and less responsible. He absentmindedly pawed at his crotch a little as the douchebag DJ started the game.

“Now,” the host cracked his knuckles dramatically. “Let’s start off with some easy questions, just to make sure those devices are working after all. Cody, you’re looking comfortable out on that beach!”

Corey looked around the library he was sitting in confusedly, neither comfortable nor on a beach.

“I think you’re mistaking me for the surfers across the street,” Corey tried to joke, but his feeble demeanor spoiled the comeback.

“Men…you all ought to be where all the other guys of your kind are at.”

All three of them put on bewildered faces.

“Cody, what’s holding you back from embracing that Cali life?” the host asked.

“I…I mean there’s the obvious fact that they aren’t keen on ga-”

BZZT

“Ah!” Corey ripped his hand away, the "vibration" more of a literal sting.

“Cody, what’s holding you back?” the host asked again.

“Dude,” Corey uncharacteristically responded. “I don’t know if they will accept me, man.”

“Bro, what’s there NOT to accept?” the host chuckled. “You fit right in!”

Corey looked over his short frame, his pale skin, his shrimpy figure. He appeared better fit for the library than the bea-

BZZT

“You’re right DJ! I'm a gnarly guy like them brahs! They’ll totally accept me!”

Corey looked over his tall frame, his tanned skin, his toned figure. He appeared better fit for the beach than the library–that’s why he was on the beach after all!

“Alright alright,” the host nodded with approval. “Now Norman, let’s talk about your life in the countryside.”

‪‘Country side’?” Nolan interjected. “Do you consider Houston-”

BZZT

Nolan flung his hand back, “HOWARDWICK the countryside? You bet! Population 402, the two being me and my husband.”

“And what massive land you got behind you, I’m assuming you and your male fling built that together.”

“My what?” Nolan peered behind him, noticing his garden he’d built with his hus-

BZZT

-the ranch he’d built with his hustle. Well, not technically–this land had been managed through the traditional good ole ways of his parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents. He’d just been fixing it up here and there.

Nolan stretched his thickening fingers, hoping to desensitize them from the pain. “W…What in tarnation is goin' on ‘ere?”

The host continued on, mocking the Southern accent he’d implanted onto the second contestant. “A place fittin' for a cowpoke like y’all’s self! Ain’t no city folk allowed; you don’t want nothin’ queer intrudin' your property, right?”

Queer?!” Nolan spat back. “Ain’t nothin’ wrong with bein’-“

BZZT

“Darn tootin’ straight! Ain’t nothin’ strange gonna be happenin’ on this ‘ere land.”

With the second contestant’s location rightfully reoriented, the host moved onto the third.

“And onto our Ivy League, let’s discuss ascension…I mean, ‘climbing the corporate ladder’.”

Aaron shot the host a dirty look through the screen. “You don’t think I worked hard to earn this position?”

“Well, you certainly didn’t do it all yourself.”

Aaron held his breath. He was a decently attractive man with his slim figure and responsible will, and even his anger made him appear wiser than his years. But Aaron's best feature was his independence, and he wasn’t going to let anyone taint his name over that.

“What, do you think my current boyfri-”

BZZT

“-my dating his-”

BZZT

“-my friends with benefits were involved?”

Aaron’s fingers tingled with energy. His body tingled with fury.

“Well,” the host snickered. “If by benefits, you mean…”

“What’s all this!” Aaron flipped. “This is simply…p…preposterous!”

“What are you talking about?” the host egged on. “It's simply normal for a man with your caliber to have such an ‘inheritance’.”

The other two contestants watched on with intrigue.

“I…I may have a b…benefactor,” Aaron suddenly revealed, as if something had just been placed upon his chest. But he was still independent, right? “But that has nothing to do with it!”

“Benefactor? Do you mean your DADDY?”

The fake audience suddenly burst into a chorus of shocked “Ooooohhhh”s. Aaron’s usual calm nature was flatlining, being replaced by a more quickly-agitated behavior.

“We may be really closely acquainted!” Aaron backpedaled. “But it’s nothing of that kind of sort!”

The other two contestants smirked as the growingly-pompous bastard was taken down a peg.

“Sounds pretty queer to me, man,” Corey interjected confidently, scratching at his defining abs.

“Yeah, Ah reckon that fellas a little less normal than us folks,” Nolan added, adjusting the large hat that had secured itself upon his head.

“SHUT UP SWINE!” Aaron spat, his face gaining back a little of his baby fat as he absorbed more child-like aggression. “I'm perfectly normal!”

The two men laughed alongside an obnoxious laughter track.

“He’s right folks, we men are on the right side of history.” The host knew he needed to move on, the show only had so much time of course, but he was having fun. “Surely that father-figure is just some kind of…relative?”

“Just a relative, brah?” Corey asked as his trim cut bloomed out into luscious blond waves.

“Seems closer than that, partner.” Nolan quipped as a graying stubble crawled upon his widening jaw.

“A….A relative?” Aaron stammered, a higher youthful pitch lightening his tenor as this benefactor became clearer in his head. “He’s…he’s someone who I f-“

BZZT

“Father! He’s my father: Asher Osvald the Third!” Aaron screamed, his blond locks gelling up into a refined style that didn’t match his own personality. “And you all better remember it when you see our company in the headlines!”

Both Corey and Nolan took their respectful back-offs, but the host could only smirk with pride. After a moment of self-congratulation, he noticed some slight hesitation from the first candidate.

“Dude…” Corey started. “Can’t you just see he’s messin’ with us, man? Don’t you guys feel kinda strange-“

“Aren’t you supposed to chill, dude?” The host immediately cut him off.

Corey’s mouth went flat, his chin taking the opportunity to curve out a little further. “How can I chill with-“

BZZT

“Without the support from my brosettes across the screen, duuuuude!”

The host watched on with glee as the female portion of the livestream burst into a flurry. Lots of hearts and kisses and even some eggplant emojis were flooding the chat. And the comments were getting suggestive too. One chick wanted to know why he was wearing a dorky button-up, and she was soon exposed to his lean bod and treasure trail. Another suggested he should flex for the camera, and Corey was happy to oblige, each of his muscles pumping larger as he did so.

“Now, Cody,” the host coyly asked. “I’m sure the fans would like to know what you do for work.”

“I uh…I work with coding.”

“You are studying IT?” the host replied, incredulous. “Sounds complicated man.”

Corey beamed at the compliment, an excited fever entering his voice. “Yeah, but I sort of have a gift for-“

BZZT

“IT...like as in ‘it’ man...not ‘eye-tee’ or whatever.”

“But it has something to do with a code, right?”

“Well…yeah man…” Corey’s lifeless vocal fry responded. “But it's not that nerdy crap…something more…uhhh…”

The host graciously provided the answer, “Manly?”

“Yeah man….’it’ is the uh…bro-code brah.” Corey fiddled with the cross necklace that had materialized around his neck, trying to structure his thoughts. Corey felt like his head was spinning in a light vertigo, but not out of stress. Rather, a pleasurable confusion. Cali dudes don’t think that much right? They just go with the flow, so why shouldn’t he man? Wasn’t that what was normal?

While Corey processed his internal dilemma, the host reconnected with the second contestant, noticing he too was becoming a little self-aware.

“Hey Norman, you’re really rocking that fit.”

Nolan was honestly surprised at the comment. He knew he looked good in his tight, patterned three-piece, but he didn’t think the ultra-straight host would notice that too.

“Those shoes must be great for the ranch.”

Nolan laughed. “These ole’ things? They’re Prada from last season-“

BZZT

“Uhh…Ah mean these boots are from that one brand-”

BZZT

“Ah’ve had these kickers for years, fella!”

The host observed quietly as the rest of the second contestant’s clothes altered. The suit jacket and vest disappeared completely. The pants grew out into a straight pair of jeans that had been worn continuously for many seasons. The shirt rolled it sleeves and loosened some buttons, darkening to a dusty black that was meant for hauling hay rather than implying gay. But as the outfit masculinized, there was one item that stubbornly fought back, unlike the man who wore it.

“And that belt, how long have you had that?”

Nolan evaluated the expensive snake leather. “Oh yeah, this ‘ere was a gift-“

BZZT

“What in TARNATION was that for?!” Nolan yelled, the vibration noticeably more painful than the previous blasts. The material of his belt quickly grew cheaper, a massive longhorn buckle blooming forth above his blooming pouch.

“S…Sorry y’all,” Nolan collected himself. “Ah don’t know what’s gotten ovah me, or why Ah’m speakin’ so-“

“Enough apologies,” the host gagged. “You are a man, are you not?”

“Yessiree, but that doesn’t mean we men ain’t got to be sens-”

BZZT

“Ah reckon yer right there, partner!” Nolan puffed out his chest, carrying his emerging muscle gut with him. “We men oughta be tough! The MAN of the household.”

The host snickered, his eyes meandering around the second contestant’s body as additional muscle and bulk was piled onto his frame. “And men like you ought to have a body like that, don’t they?”

The cowboy huffed, his torso heavy with Southern pride. Nolan had worked his muscular frame up over all these long years, from sunrise to sundown. At 6’4, his big hearty body was always devouring meat to stretch out everything from his big strong biceps to his huge Size 15 clompers!

With the first and second contestants almost there, it was time for the host to catch his third man up to speed. He had already advanced mighty far, his skin having cleared up a bit and a few arrogant gold trophies having appeared in the office background, but the host had some additional notches yet to secure before the final round.

“Now Asher, let’s get real here.” The host put on his classic douchebag smile for the audience. “Any ladies tickling that fancy lately?”

“What?” Aaron scoffed. “Are you dense? I'm into g-”

BZZT

“Girls…no…wait what?” Aaron felt strange. Why did the host ask if he liked…girls? And why was the thought of girls suddenly something he…liked?

“Listen ere’, partner,” Nolan suddenly interjected. “Yer talkin’ 'bout women like they’re nothin’!”

The host, displeased, fought back. “Aren’t you married to one, partner?”

Nolan couldn’t believe the disrespect. “Me? Married to a woman? Yeah right-”

BZZT

“-Ah am! Ah’ve been married to my lovely wife for darn straight twenty years! Ain’t nothing QUEER happenin' on this ‘ere normal ranch. I got youngins to raise after all!”

As Nolan became bombarded by memories of his new flock of children, the satisfied host switched back to his third contestant.

“Look, I think we should respect women.” Aaron tried his best to sound mature, now finding it extremely difficult to maintain. “In fact, I think we should respect all others appropriately-“

BZZT

“And by appropriately, I am referring to overlooking these swines of colleagues who cannot afford a top notch education adjacent to my own.”

The host queued up a laugh track for his next one-liner. “They weren’t kidding when they said someone with your prestige had everything handed down to you, including bad manners.”

Aaron felt his anger rising once again, it easily filling his shortening body as he squared out to an average 5’9.

“Well excuseeee me! I am my own person with-“

BZZT

“My father is a reputable man who would wish to-”

BZZT

“DADDY!”

Aaron stomped his foot, bewildered at this idiocracy. Why was he continuously interrupted? Why was he not given the required recognition? He was captain of the country club’s golf team, rowing team, youth league, and the youngest member on the executive board for Christ’s sake! He studied at an Ivy League! He was everything!

As Aaron tried to understand why none of these other men appreciated the absolute honors of his merit–which he refused to ever admit weren’t even his own–a small alarm went off from the host’s computer.

“Like what was that, mannnn?” Corey’s face furrowed into an all-too-natural look of dumbfoundment.

“Yeah,” Nolan reared. “What's y'all gonna do next?”

“I demand to know it this instant!” The host was surprised at the third contestant jumping in, but he assumed it was just his way of trying to maintain his (nonexisting) position on top. “Or else I’ll tell my father about this-!”

An insane uproar of artificial laughter echoed throughout their ears, startling and silencing them.

“Alright folks, you know what that sound means!” the host grinned. “It’s almost time to wrap up our show, and because our contestants still haven’t figured out what makes them 'Totally Normal', we’re going to have to speed things up!”

“But can’t there only be one winner?” Aaron whined.

“Technically, no,” the host responded honestly. “All of you can be winners if you find out what makes you totally normal.”

For the first time since the game had started, all three of the contestants fell silent.

“I mean, let’s look at our surfer stud Cody,” the host started. “You are almost there, but you gotta loosen that one thing that’s still pent-up, man.”

“Brah…” Corey complained. “What else is there?”

As if by some subconscious command from the host, Corey began dumbly palming himself, a light drool dripping from the edge of his lips. The constant cycle of tits and feminine bits in his mind bombarding all over thoughts.

“A totally gnarly surfer focuses on working out, banging chicks, and chillin’ dude.”

Corey guffawed with a stupid relaxed expression, casually groping as the host moved on.

“And Norman, you’ve worked hard for your position in life, haven’t you?”

The Texan father nodded in cold agreement.

“So what would pride a totally traditional cowboy more than his ranch, his woman, and his legacy?”

Nolan groaned as he instantly unbuckled the massive lock hiding his mighty steed. Huffing loudly, the Southern Baptist’s lil’ pony was wrangled into a full-fledged stallion, the kind that was built to produce offspring. And the kind that got worked up over anything that could threaten the generational uniformity his family, religion, and nation he swore to protect.

“And you, Asher,” the host swiped over to the final contestant. “What’s stopping you from becoming the total Harvard bastard?”

Asher’s face went red and his cock went hard.

“I’m talking complete corruption, pure privilege, Daddy’s little-”

The host was suddenly cut off by a loud holler, the exclaim like the crashing waves of the ocean. Immediately, the comment section blew up as the host, players, and audience watched the surfer jock release a blast of his sea salt spray.

But before the host could congratulate the first winner, the southern father turned around the corner. With one hand whipping his meat and the other held tightly onto his hat, it was only mere moments until the inevitable:

“YEEHAW!”

Once again, the audience burst into merriment over the propagating blast. It was then that Aaron’s anger truly took the best of him. He couldn’t be beaten by two no-names! He was the top of his class, an heir to a Fortune 500 company, and a totally normal man for Christ’s sake! Gripping his pecker and shining it furiously, Aaron accepted his heterosexual rage and vowed that he would win and please his…please his…!

“F…FAAAAATHERR!”

A loud, pretentious yell echoed out of the Harvard student, an endless splurge of funds dumping out of his mighty account. It was just one of the many things his heritage’s estate had granted him.

The host didn’t try to hide his devious sneer as the viewers erupted once more. He’d loved his job because everyone won every time. And now, seeing all the new stereotypical straights he’d created, the host couldn’t help but feel his own massive sausage chub. But he laughed the feeling off, knowing beating off over these other men wouldn’t have been “totally normal.”

“And it looks like with just a minute left on the clock, all three of our contestants will be going home as winners today!” The host then added his artificial rounds of applause. “So, did you three ever figure out what makes you ‘Totally Normal’?”

“Isn’t it obvious, brah?” Cody replied, the typical airhead more sure of himself now than when he had dropped out of high school. “It’s that we’re straight, mannnn…”

“He’s right, partner!” Norman added, his fatherly conviction always strong and steady. “Ain’t none of us are them faggots. If Ah do say so myself, we are all what the mighty Lord named men.”

“Well, if that is what common plebians such as yourself are called, then you shall address me as ‘I-V’,” Asher Osvald IV’s voice was doused in entitlement and a lack of understanding for anyone but himself. A pair of offscreen hands adjusted his tie just to prove his privilege. “After all, I do attend Harvard. I guess you could say I was destined for greatness since birth.”

“Yes, Asher, everyone here knows you are a prick.” The host immediately followed up his quip with a laugh track. “But that’s all we have for today’s show. Signing off, this is Host DJ!”

“Hang ten and surfs up, dudes!”

“The biggest rodeo’s the family and kids y’all!”

“I’m probably way richer than you vagrants, so don’t bother.”

“And don’t forget to ask yourself,” the host winked before adding in the final audio. “ARE YOU NORMAL?”

#gay to straight #dumber #bottomtotop #nerdtojock #political #lib to con #preppification #unintendedresults #Christian

[delimeful]

in sickness and in health (8)

warnings: captivity, arguing, remus talking about remus things, panic, gratuitous amount of puns, lmk if i missed any

-

“What’s going on?”

The impromptu staredown between all three humans was interrupted by Roman hurriedly leaning obnoxiously far over the counter, bodily blocking Patton’s view of the two borrowers.

“Patton!” he blurted, clearly aiming for a casual air and instead landing somewhere in the realm of ‘stewing in blatant panic and guilt’. “Hello there, what an unexpected and lovely surprise to see you here, in… the kitchen of your own home.”

Next to him, Virgil heard the small, distinct thwap of his fellow borrower’s palm meeting their face.

“…What’s going on?” Patton repeated, sounding far more awake this time.

“Extremely normal, non-fairy-related things,” Roman answered, visibly sweating.

“Extremely bloody Dionysian orgies,” Remus said at the same time, considerably louder.

Virgil could see just enough of Patton’s expression to watch the way it crinkled in a sort of morose confusion.

“In the kitchen?” he asked, voice pained, as though that was his main problem with the suggestion.

“If there aren’t any knives involved, can any orgy really be called Dionysian?” Remus replied in a faux-wise tone, lifting his arm to make a deeply inappropriate gesture in accompaniment with his words. This technically cleared the way back to the wall, but as it turned out, only for a moment.

Before either of them could get too hopeful about any chance of escape, Remus ended the gesture by quickly clapping his hands over the both of them in a makeshift dome shape.

Next to him, the other borrower only flinched a bit, but Virgil couldn’t help the outright squeak he made at the sudden limbs dropping down over them.

There was another pause from the humans above them, this one distinctly more harried.

“Um, guys?” Patton’s voice had gone from confused to concerned. “What was—?”

“Broken whoopee cushion,” Remus insisted. “Filled it with mayonnaise, you know how it goes.”

“He sneezed!” Roman added, his voice sliding up a few pitches. “Gesundheit, Remus! Totally nothing strange about that— Padre, wait!”

There were big steps drawing closer, now, and Remus’s hands cinched in a little tighter around the two of them. They were forced to huddle even closer together, and the other borrower’s bony elbow collided with his side in a way he wasn’t convinced was accidental.

He shot them a glare, which they returned with an expression that was equal parts indignant and frantic. After a second, they forced a barely-there whisper through grit teeth. “It’s your human. Will he hurt us?”

“How am I supposed to know?!” Virgil hissed back, just as quiet. “I didn’t ever get caught before you showed up!”

Not while the human was conscious enough to remember it, anyhow.

The other borrower’s eyes narrowed into slits, reminding Virgil that he probably shouldn’t be antagonizing the guy that already proved themself willing to try and murder him once. Before they could respond, though, the conversation over their heads continued.

“Guys,” Patton said, sounding stern. “What have we said about wrangling critters in my home?”

“That it was a firmly banned activity after the Great Frog Croak-tastrophe?” Roman guessed sheepishly. “And, y’know, that was certainly a fair and just ruling for that situation, however—!”

“Nuh-uh, I don’t wanna hear it,” Patton replied, unwavering. Virgil could practically envision the way his human was standing from his tone alone: hands on his hips, eyebrows raised expectantly. “Frog or not, I’m sure whatever you two caught will be much hoppier once they’re released safely outside, right Remus?”

“Eh, you might not feel the same after you see them, Pattycakes,” Remus warned. “I know I’m usually the harbinger of pests, wrangler of rats, champion of centipedes, but not even I know what to do about these guys.”

There was the shuffle of clothing, like Patton was shifting in place, and he sighed. “Well, I guess we’ll just have to figure it out together, huh?”

There was a moment of hesitation where Virgil assumed the twins were exchanging a wordless meaningful look, as they so often did, and then the distinct slide of glass across a countertop.

The moment the hands around them twitched, Virgil shifted into a crouched position, drawing his legs under him and preparing to bolt the moment there was space, even if it was probably totally futile. Next to him, he could feel the other borrower doing much the same.

Rather than lift off of them, however, the hands shifted to pinch even closer together, forming the shape of a spade, like a pair of nut shells that had been glued back together at the edges, leaving a hollow space inside. The two of them were forced to scramble upwards into the hold or get limbs stuck in between the sides of Remus’s palms as he scooped them up off the counter completely.

Virgil’s stomach dropped at the upwards movement, completely out of his control, and he reached out and latched onto the side of the other borrower’s shirt with a white-knuckled grip. They were still at least a little concussed, and Virgil wasn’t letting them get separated now, not when he’d already gotten himself into the most terrifying situation in his life saving them. Wherever they were going, they’d at least be stuck in it together.

To his surprise, the other borrower gripped him right back.

After only a few seconds, they were lowered and deposited onto a familiar smooth surface. Virgil grit his teeth at the feeling, resisting the urge to scream in frustration. He’d just gotten out of this stupid glass pitcher!

He didn’t get much time to seethe indignantly, however, because the moment Remus’s hands pulled away, there were much bigger problems to face.

Three of them, to be precise.

Heart in his throat, Virgil slowly lifted his head to look up at the face of his human, warped through the curve of the glass.

With a confused furrow to his brow, Patton moved to take a step closer, and then stopped short as the sight before him properly registered. His hand flew up to cover his mouth, his eyes widening with surprise. “Oh my!”

“I toad you so,” Remus interjected unhelpfully.

Roman cuffed his shoulder, and Remus immediately jabbed two fingers into Roman’s side in retaliation. It was only a firm warning look from Patton that kept them from devolving into another slap fight during the most terrifying moment of Virgil’s life.

Virgil shifted to stand, shuffling back until he didn’t have to crane his neck so painfully to make eye contact. Humans were so big, and it had never been more evident than it was now, staring up at giants.

Staring up at Patton. He was pretty sure he’d had a nightmare that had gone exactly like this. Well, minus the concussed would-be assassin. And the frog puns.

Patton, for his part, had developed a genuinely distressed twist to his features as he took in the sight of the two of them. After a moment of wavering, his gaze settled firmly on Virgil, sending a prickling sense of alarm up his spine.

“Hello again,” said Patton, smiling at him.

Virgil froze. The borrower behind him froze. Even the twins froze for a moment, before their heads both snapped around to stare at Patton with eerie synchronization.

“You know them?!” two voices asked, in two very different tones.

Virgil felt dread drop into his gut like a stone down a sewer grate. There was no way.

“I know one of them,” Patton answered, unperturbed by everyone’s shock. “That’s the little guy who helped take care of me while I was sick!”

He lifted a hand in demonstration and wiggled his fingers, the healing burns on them still visibly shiny.

The twins gaped. “He what?”

Behind him, in a far more bewildered tone, the other borrower echoed them: “You what?”

“You shut up,” Virgil muttered sourly without turning to look at them. His heart was practically shaking in his ribcage, knowing that the human had remembered all along, that Patton had returned home well-aware of the intruder in his walls.

The realization felt chilling, like a thimble of icy water had been dumped down his shirt. Patton hadn’t acted strange at all, hadn’t cast any speculative glances at the walls or scanned any shelves for undersized intruders. The twins and their ghost-hunting equipment clearly hadn’t known the truth, so why would Patton? Virgil hadn’t even suspected.

Who knew what would have happened after Roman and Remus left, and it was only the two of them, with Virgil blissfully unaware of the danger he was in?

Well. Caught like this, he supposed he was going to find out soon.

Patton’s smile faded, carefully watching the way Virgil’s chest was visibly shuddering with too-shallow breaths.

“You thought I froggot, huh?” he said, looking inexplicably sad. “I thought about it while I was in the hospital, and I kinda figured we’re really not supposed to know about you guys. That means it was pretty darn brave of you to try and help me anyways.”

Virgil swallowed, fear sticking in his throat. He didn’t know what to say. He certainly didn’t feel brave.

The other borrower stepped up to be at his side, ignoring Virgil’s reflexive attempt to shoulder them back behind him.

“I suppose the saying is true, then.” They paused, narrowing their eyes in a silent challenge. “No good deed goes unpunished.”

The encompassing flourish they made was a little wobbly, as though their balance was still off, but it got the point across: Patton had recovered from his illness, and they were stuck in a pitcher on his counter.

Virgil’s incredulity at the other borrower was enough to snap him out of the worst of his frozen terror, his head whipping to the side to stare at them.

They were insane. They had to be, using such sharp words and an even sharper tone with a human. This was just about the worst time to instigate an argument. The two of them were stuck in a pitcher on his counter!

Unsurprisingly, neither of the twins looked particularly happy with the accusatory turn the conversation had taken. Patton had been their friend for a long time. They had always jumped at the opportunity to defend him from harm in the past, and Virgil doubted that would change now.

For all their tomfoolery, the two of them could be downright vicious when they were angry. If they were willing to tear fellow humans a new one for messing with Patton, it was gruesome to imagine what they’d do to a pair of borrowers. They’d already been terrifying enough when they’d only been curious about him.

Before either of them could begin to speak, however, Patton nodded once, almost to himself, and pivoted to face his friends.

“Howsabout you two get started on cleaning up the living room so we can settle down and get some proper sleep?” he asked, the request firm enough that it was clearly more of an instruction than a suggestion.

Both twins started protesting immediately, looking extremely put out at the idea of abandoning Patton with their exciting new find. They were talking over each other, the words tangling and becoming an indecipherable mess by the time they reached Virgil, but he was fairly certain he heard phrases like “—but I’ll only lie awake haunted by fairy law and order,” and, “—you can’t keep me away from my new pyromaniac bestie!” in the mix.

“Mhmm, yup, we can discuss all of that later,” Patton replied stoutly, ushering the two of them towards the entrance to the kitchen with insistent sweeping gestures, like a shepherd with his herd. “There’ll be plenty of time to talk over breakfast in the morning, but it’s getting late, so hop to it!”

“We’re being banished with frog puns! This is an amphibian atrocity,” Roman bemoaned.

“Froggin’ unbelievable,” Remus agreed. 

However, even with all their complaints, they seemed to understand that Patton wasn’t budging this time, and reluctantly allowed themselves to be shooed out of the kitchen like the world’s noisiest sheep.

At Virgil’s shoulder, the other borrower took the opportunity to lean in while the humans were across the room.

“You ‘didn’t ever get caught,’ hmm?” they asked, still far too smug considering the situation they were in.

A muscle in Virgil’s eye twitched. Despite everything, he wasted a moment considering the merits of trying to inflict another head injury on his fellow captive. They’d been a lot more tolerable with the beginnings of a concussion.

“Do you want to go back to trying to stab each other?” he snapped instead, stepping pointedly away even as he made the thinly-veiled threat. “Because it seems like you want to go back to trying to stab each other.”

“Oh, I’m so terrified,” they replied drolly, crossing their arms. “Won’t someone save me from the horrible Monoxide assassin and his entirely genuine threats?”

Virgil stared at them for a moment, disbelieving. “You know, I think I actually liked you better when you were trying to murder me in cold blood.”

“Don’t lose hope. Maybe I’ll try again later,” they retorted with a dangerous glint in their eye, and then they were both falling silent as Patton approached once more.

Out of the corner of his eye, Virgil caught the contemplative frown that flashed over the other borrower’s face, the only glimpse of their consternation at facing down a human. They may have had plans aplenty to deal with the twins, but Patton was clearly more of an unknown to them.

…Virgil knew Patton. He’d spent enough time watching the human to get attached, grown familiar enough with Patton’s life to cheer on his efforts and fret over his disappointments. He should be able to find the right words to get them out of this, convince his human the way the other borrower had effortlessly fooled Roman, but… he couldn’t.

It was impossible to think up a strategy for this situation. How could he possibly reconcile Patton, the guy who helped organize weekly PTA bake sales and volunteered to look after kittens he was allergic to and cried when he saw roadkill, with a human who knew, who would keep them trapped, who needed to be pleaded with for their release?

How was he supposed to bargain with a monster if he couldn’t even accept that the monster existed?

“I’m sorry if the twins frightened you,” Patton said, voice lowered to a softer volume. “They tend to be very exuberant, but they don’t mean any harm.”

The other borrower looked as though they were on the brink of scoffing at the very idea that they couldn’t handle Roman and Remus, a defensive slant to their shoulders.

“Why?” The word tumbled from Virgil’s mouth without his permission, his shoulders hunching under the undivided focus of Patton’s gaze.

“Why what?” he asked, tilting his head slightly like a confused dog.

“If you knew,” Virgil forced out, fingernails digging into his palms, “why didn’t you tell them? Or— or look for me?”

Understanding settled onto Patton’s expression, and he hummed thoughtfully, as though considering how to phrase his answer.

“If you wanted to be seen, you would have come out and said hi,” he finally said, simply. “You saved my life by calling for help. If you wanted to stay a secret, the least I could do is make sure to keep that secret safe.”

Virgil blinked up at him, trying to force the words into a configuration that made sense. Humans didn’t just let mysteries exist, especially not ones that were so easy to grab ahold of.

“I won’t lie and say I’m not awfully curious about you,” Patton continued, and his hand was reaching out for the handle of the pitcher and surely, this was the moment that it all came crashing down—, “but you can’t force a friendship. Especially not like this!”

Slowly, in gentle increments, the pitcher was shifted to lay on its side, the open end facing away from Patton. It was practically a straight shot to the closest wall entrance, their freedom waiting where the back of the counter met the kitchen wall.

They’d been prepared to make a break for it at the earliest opportunity before, but now, with escape dangled in front of them, both borrowers hesitated. Virgil exchanged a dumbfounded look with the other borrower, trying to stomp down the insane hope bubbling in the back of his mind.

“If you ever want to talk, you know where to find me!” Patton finished, making sure the glass was stable and settled before releasing it and stepping back. “Otherwise, my lips are sealed— and I’ll make sure Roman and Remus keep the secret, too.”

He made a zipping motion over his mouth, eyes crinkled with amusement at the edges, and then turned and walked out of the kitchen without a single glance back.

Virgil hadn’t uttered a single plea, and yet, the path back to the walls was right there. He looped the other borrower’s arm over his shoulder and led them, step by faltering step, across the counter, even scooping his bag up as he went. Nobody came rushing in, nobody stopped them from taking those last few steps into the safety of the walls.

He’d expected to face a monster, and instead he’d been offered kindness, unasked for and freely given.

They were both quiet as they shuffled further into the familiar cramped space, as though a single sound would shatter the illusion of this impossible release. The other borrower pulled away after a moment, their pain of their concussion likely more manageable in the dark. The silence stretched, relief and exhaustion weighing on them in equal measure.

Virgil yawned despite himself, absently wondering if they were going to continue that semi-murderous argument about cults and who wronged who, and if the other borrower would be willing to reschedule it to sometime after they’d slept.

Ahead of them, a third figure stepped out of the shadows, quickly looking them over as though checking that everyone was still intact. Oddly enough, they sort of smelled like gunpowder.

“Hm. That certainly didn’t go according to plan,” they said bluntly, the oversized pack on their back jingling slightly as they stepped forward. “Still, we all survived, so I suppose introductions are in order.”

#sanders sides fic #sanders sides g/t #ts virgil #ts janus #ts remus #ts roman #ts patton #isaih #in sickness and in health #my writing #writing #due to real life issues i'm switching update schedule to twice a month #hopefully

[operafantomet]

I know you normally answer questions about the look of a production, but who are your favorite Christines vocally?

Kinda embarrased I've ended up as a production look reviewer... hahaha! Especially because I have strong opinions on voices, acting and direction choices.

Early in my phan days I liked the lighter bell-sounding Christines - because my initial meeting with the role was in this vein. Sarah Brightman, Susanne Elmark, Viktoria Krantz, Julia Möller, Joke de Kruijf, Rebecca Luker, Jill Washington. They were a good introduction to the role.

Gradually I was also introduced to some Christines with more oomph, bolder voices, or a little touch that made them stand out. I wasn't always ready for them, but slowly they learned me that the role could be more than "just" a bell voice. So the dramatic sound of Agnete Munk Rasmussen, the darker undertone of Elisabeth Berg and Rumi Iryo, the edgy approach of Rachel Barrell, the hidden huskyness of Kristen Hertzenberg and Elizabeth Loyacano, the operatic perfection of Rebecca Caine, Lisa Vroman and Claire Moore...

Today my preference for a Christine is very much based on their voice, as I think that's the whole point of the role and the story. But a nice voice itself is not enought. Their acting + interpretation is a "make or break" if I want to lean into their story and journey. If they manage to expand my view of what the role should be I appreciate them a lot. If they also can dance I probably love them. But: there is still room for the bell shaped beauties who "just" sings and acts well, without adding anything deeply personal. A good performance is a good performance. What I like depends on my mood, if it's long since I've seen the show, and how their chemistry is with the Phantom, Raoul and other leads.

With that said... Some Christines that has greatly impressed me through the years, be it vocally or a a total:

MIA KARLSSON: I could not get enough of her Christine. Yes, bell voice. Yes, amazing co-stars. But her acting. It was all in the little nuances, the intuitive approach to her co-stars, the inner life of Christine on display so to speak. And then topped with the most beautiful voice. I always wanted to hear more of her, I always wanted to see more of her. I mean, she ruled MOTN! Which Christine does that?! I think she remains my favourite to date - even if I've seen so many good ones after her.

INGER OLSSON MOBERG: Like a dew drop falling on a calm lake. The lightest, purest, gentlest voice. MAMA.

ISABEL SCHWARTZBACH: When I thought I would never hear anyone like Inger Olsson Moberg live... there she was. Very very light voice, mysterious AF portrayal. She was something else allright. In a good way.

SARAH BRIGHTMAN: I know. Some love her, some dislike her. But often based on the Original London Cast album. After seeing some videos I was quite floored. She has a lot more acting going on, a lighter dew-drop voice with an operatic flair when needed, and I rather enjoy her victorianesque approach to the role. And she was a trained ballerina. I think it is easy to underestimate her. I appreciate what she brought to the role - especially vocally. She has a dreamy sound that fits the "Christine represents a new sound" narrative.

KIM SO HYUN: No, but seriously. Real-life Disney princess with the most beautiful vocals. She's one of those I can't take my eyes off and I just want her to keep singing. It was also interesting to hear her very light vocals during her first South Korean run VS the somewhat darker timbre in the revival. I like both.

SIERRA BOGGESS: Whereas the hype around her - especially during her Broadway runs - drove me absolutely nuts... I do love her Christine. Gorgeous voice, gentle and passionate portrayal, dance skills, looks like a million dollars, she is one of those ultimate Christines. I also love that she tends to have good chemistry with her co-players.

EMMI CHRISTENSSON: I liked her combo of suppressed and glowing in terms of acting, combined with a super pleasant, light yet operatic voice. So... Christine.

Also adding, without elaborating on why (though I had the pleaure on seeing them live): Talia del Val, Astrid Giske, Teresia Bokor, Judith Tobella, Sofia Escobar, Sibylle Glosted, Valerie Link, Michelle van de Ven, Emilie Lynn, Gina Beck, Mira Ormala, Agnete Munk Rasmussen, Rachel Barrell.

There is alo a handful of Christines I have loved the voices of, but I have little idea of their portrayal or overall approach because I haven't seen them live. So I'll just list them here due to voice: Maria Kesselman, Anouk van Laake, Patti Cohenour, Amy Manford, Harriet Jones, Paige Blankson, Glenda Balkan, Teresia Barrientos, Ute Baum, Luzia Nistler, Rebecca Caine, Tamara Kotova, Manon Taris, Joke de Kruijf, Renée Knapp, Olivia Safe, Hye Kyoung Lee, Tamami Sai/Choi Hyun Ju, Meghan Picerno, Claire Lyon, Pan Hangwei, Sarah Lawrence, Andrea Maho, Elisabeth Berg, Rebecca Luker.

#christine voice #christine daae #phantom of the opera #favourite christine #not tagging them all

[sammyche]

you needddd to elaborate on the vr46 gangbang omg....

omg ok so first the context, it's important to know how it happened....

(i'm sorry for him but in this piece luca is on his honeymoon with his wife)

i think it's something that's been brewing for a while. it starts one night while they're fucking and vale just blurts out how beautiful marc is and how it's unfair only him gets to see that and how he deserves to be shared and passed around and marc just comes so hard he almost passes out. after that they just keep adding that to their sex life. vale dirty talking about how he's gonna lend marc to his friends and watch. how much of a slut marc is and that since he can't keep up with him it's only fair that he shares. and marc just eats it up. it gets him going so much just imagining getting fucked by several people with vale watching him. it feeds his ego.

i don't really know how it turns to the academy kids. maybe vale sees how bezz and pecco watch marc. how nice franco is with marc especially since him and his brother basically saved his life. he just sits back and watches marc interact with the guys and it gets him thinking. what if? you know....

so he starts his little plan. he knows marc would be pretty much down for anything (that little freak). what he needs to know is if the boys would want to participate. so he starts his exposure therapy. putting marc on his laps during movie nights. touching his stomach under his shirt and kissing his neck in front of them. making out with him in any room of the ranch so they can stumble on them anytime. and he sees how the boys are watching marc. because marc is beautiful and oh so sexy so they can't help but stare. especially when marc walks around the ranch half naked all the time (slutty shorts and bare torso on display).

i think vale would ask that during a totally normal diner. like pass me the salt and also i want you guys to do something for me. and of course the boys are like sure vale! of course!! anything!! then he blurts out i want you guys to fuck marc. and marc is beside him, eyes wide, choking on food, the tip of his ears red. he knew vale had something in his mind but he didn't imagine he wanted to involve the boys.

i think pecco and bezz's brains would just stop computing. cele would be absolutely speechless. franco would be surprised, sure, but not shocked because he knows how freaky these two are. i think he'd be the first to say sure why not. the rest of them would probably just nod not trusting their voices yet. like we're probably dreaming and we're gonna wake up tomorrow in a reality where our mentor and idol didn't ask us to fuck his hot boyfriend.

#motogp #valentino rossi #marc marquez #rosquez #vr46 academy #i'm sorry it's long #i just wanted to touch on how it could happen #asks

[koolades-world]

hiii i was wondering if you could write abt an asian mc ? with the brothers or the dateables i don't mind! i just think it would be funny to see yk asian mc who's a high achiever (so even at RAD when they know nothing abt magic they'll try to score high), always take off their shoes before entering a place (entering a place with shoes is forbidden !!), always cook rice or stuff from their country when on cooking duties ("wdym we already ate that when it was my turn last time?"), will make you special herbal tea if you're sick (first time i suggested to make tea for my ill white friend they laughed :( ), tells you to eat more and in the same fashion, whose love language is giving you food, etc... bonus point if mc swears in their mother tongue. And if the MC was living in their native country before going to the devildom, their ability to just nap anywhere as if it's normal.

As someone who grew up in an asian household it's just regular to me but i can picture the face Lucifer would make if the first time mc enter Dia's castle they take off their shoes casually or like MC stuffing Beel's mouth with food as if he just didn't swallow the biggest mouthful of udon ever saying "come on Beel you need food, you need strength to play Fangol"

For the nap thing i was thinking about my relatives who take nap on their wooden bad or just the floor during summer (cause its fresh yk). My grandma always said a hard bed is good for the back lol

Anyway no pressure!! Have a nice day and take care !

hi!! yes of course :)

i'm a different flavor of asian but some of the culture overlaps so this was fun to write! haha the amount of times my grandma has urged me to eat more is hard to count. oh and the amount of tea i drank when we went to visit. i'll never forget watching her make the tea because it was a whole experience

i'm half indian and someone actually requested an indian mc so that will be out tomorrow because doing these requests back to back easiest for me!

enjoy <3

Asian Mc

Lucifer

you're ALWAYS on him for the amount of coffee he drinks

you also always make sure he takes a break to eat dinner because he needs to eat in order to continue his work

despite how bothered he might seem sometimes, he really does value what you do for him

plus, you not only keep yourself in line, sometimes you do his brothers for him too. thanks on his behalf!

Mammon

once you grow closer, he's asking you to teach him swear words so he can cuss out lucifer

if you don’t, well, he’ll just pick them up when you swear and hope he can figure out what it means haha

if you want, feed him random words, or even compliments so when lucifer hears them, he'll just be confused haha

despite the fact that he's the demon, maybe you can help him in class

Levi

when he first meets you, he'd not sure what to expect

however he quickly learns you're the best at everything you do

this includes video games and everything of that manner

he's got competition now, but he has no clue how you got so good considering it was probably your first time at all of the games you've tried

Satan

he's impressed by your work ethic and desire to achieve

you got dropped in a totally new environment and instead of struggling to adjust like he predicted, you bounced back almost immediately and were at the top of your class like it was nothing!

he tried to ask you once why you seemed so determine to get the best grade and never asked again after the look you gave him

something the two of you can bond over, though, is tea! he can often be seen with a cup of tea so that's an easy conversation starter between the two of you if not homework instead

Asmo

while initially he thought you two might not get along, you actually do quite well

he's huge on no shoes in the house and especially in his room

after all, he wants to avoid bringing as many outside germs into his room as possible

can and will ask you to teach him how you make your special herbal teas because he hates being sick and genuinely just wants to know

Beel

he falls in love with your rice cooker

rice that easy and that quick? sign him up! if he didn't already love rice you've put him on it

he doesn't think he could ever part with you and your wonderful cooking

even if you do cook the same thing every time it's your turn, he will inhale it because not only is it delicious, but you're an amazing cook

Belphie

even he's impressed by your ability to fall asleep anywhere

at least he's always with his pillow and maybe a blanket but he's seen you just curled up on the porch waiting for someone to get home

but that sighting was rare, because he felt like he always saw you doing something

however he really appreciated all the little things you did for him, such as making his bed

#obey me #obey me! #obey me x reader #obey me satan #obey me beel #obey me mammon #obey me asmo #obey me lucifer #obey me levi #obey me belphie #obey me belphegor #obey me beelzebub #obey me asmodeus #obey me leviathan #obey me shall we date #obey me! shall we date #obey me! shall we date?

[hermannsthumb]

Please please please more "Fake Dating for Funding"! I haven't read much PR stuff in the last few years and your newest piece jerked me right back to that old standby hyperfixation. It's so cute!!

answering this sooooo late, OOPS SORRY, but here's a little ficlet as i try to get myself back in the writing groove.... the original fake dating for funding fic is right here, but i was thinking over plot concepts earlier and this one made me laugh, LMAO

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"I have a favor to ask of you," Hermann says one morning.

Typical of Hermann, it's blunt and to the point, no show of bartering or sweetening Newt up with dessert or anything like that. In theory Newt should be annoyed, but Hermann indebts himself to Newt so rarely (and never willingly) that Newt’s actually kind of interested to see where this goes. He pushes up his work goggles and strips off his gloves without a second thought.

Hermann is standing directly over Newt’s side of the yellow line, one hand balled into a fist while the other white-knuckles his cane, his shoulders hunched over. He looks extremely uncomfortable. On the other hand Hermann rarely looks comfortable, so this isn’t anything new, or something to draw immediate conclusions from.

“Okay,” Newt says. “Lay it on me.”

“I would not blame you if you found yourself thinking less of me,” Hermann says, “or outright rejecting the proposition. I’m aware it is far more than one typically asks of a…” He swallows. “Colleague.”

The word hangs awkwardly in the air between them. It’s not that it’s an inaccurate descriptor, but it doesn’t completely encompass the, uh, reality of things, being that they were a litttttle more than colleagues up until two months ago. (Not that they called themselves anything other than colleagues for the duration of that whole—indiscretion. It was a little confusing.)

Still, Hermann’s groveling, and Newt’s interested. “Oh, sweet,” he says, maybe a little too casually. Just two bros having a normal conversation about how they're nothing more than colleagues. “I’m totally in. What are we doing? Is it illegal or something?”

He could actually use Hermann’s mad computer hacker skills for something in the near future—Newt wants unrestricted card access to the typically very restricted hazardous materials storage in the jaeger bay for reasons he’s not going to disclose—and doing something illegal for the guy would be a great way to get him to do something illegal for Newt in return. In a favor-for-favor way more than a blackmail way, because Newt mostly isn't a dick. And anyway, maybe doing some platonic fun k-science bonding time will be good for them. Make things a little less tense. Newt’s been working on that really hard lately, mostly because his multiple Shatterdome transfer requests have been outright denied by the Marshal and he seems to be out of alternatives.

“No,” Hermann says.

He looks at his shoes. He’s about two unlucky inches away from stepping on a piece of kaiju spleen Newt dropped earlier and forgot about, and the fact that he’s not taking any precautions to shield his precious ugly wingtips tells Newt he means business. “Perhaps a little…morally questionable.”

“Oooh, Hermann, you’re such a tease,” Newt says. He tosses his nasty gloves in the trash can and scoots Hermann towards the cluster of their desks with a hand to the small of his back, ignoring the way Hermann bristles and digs the end of his cane halfheartedly into the floor. “Come on, come on, I’ll make coffee, stop looking so depressed.”

He does make himself a coffee but brews a quick cup of black tea for Hermann, which turns out to be kind of a waste of his time, since Hermann blatantly ignores the mug Newt slides in front of him. He’s gone from looking like the most emo librarian in the world to looking vaguely nauseous. If circumstances weren’t as they are, Newt might say it was making him look exceptionally alluring—that whole sickly Victorian lad thing really gets him going. “If you’ve forgotten,” Hermann says, “we’ve another of those foolish PPDC fundraisers soon, at the end of the month.”

“Oh.” Newt leans back in his chair, a little disappointed. “Is that it?”

“Yes,” Hermann says. “No.” He shakes his head gravely. He’s so dramatic sometimes, it’s kinda cute. “It is the root of the problem, but not the entirety of it. You’ll recall, I presume, how badly in need of funding we are, myself in particular for the Breach-mapping software I am attempting to develop.”

Newt does recall, because yeah, he is also in need of funding real bad. Can’t make awesome, ground-breaking advancements in the field of kaiju biology without any kaiju bits to study the biology of. That spleen currently threatening to ooze over the yellow tape line represents approximately sixty percent of Newt's remaining currently viable samples. “Uh, yeah?”

“I have,” Hermann makes a face, “a working theory, so to speak. You’ll further recall the similar PPDC event we attended in August of last year?”

“Yeah?”

“And the one we attended this year, in the week following our—”

“Yeah, Hermann, I remember.”

“Right,” Hermann says.

Newt remembers the second one more clearly than he likes, because having to make nice with Hermann to present a united front six days after a very, very stupid argument about Newt maaaaybe stealing half of Hermann’s sandwich—which ultimately led to a mutual and spur of the moment decision to dissolve the whole weird lab partners-with-benefits thing they had going on—was one of the more uncomfortable experiences of his career. Still, he made as nice as he could, because his supply of work gloves and Keurig pods were running dangerously low and he didn’t feel like shelling out the money from his own abysmally small paycheck for any.

He doesn’t know what was so significant about the other one they went to though, the one last August. It was humid. Newt remembers being so hot he had to take off his tie, and he lost it somewhere in the convention center afterwards. He misses that tie. Hermann hated it, which makes him culprit number one in its disappearance.

“We drew in significantly more donations in August than we did two months ago,” Hermann says, and opens the top drawer of his desk to produce a neat stack of papers, which he spreads in front of Newt to reveal a series of color-coded spreadsheets.

Newt’s eyes glaze over a little at the sight. He doesn’t bother extending the effort to confirm Hermann’s data—as much as he hates to admit it, the guy is thorough with his numbers and rarely wrong about stuff like this. He flips through it anyway to appease him. And, honestly, he thinks Hermann’s feelings would be hurt if he didn’t, and Newt really is committed to being a good labmate (y’know, for the very brief time being). “And prior to August,” Hermann continues, “you’ll note that the average sum total of donations we received per event was significantly lower. August was an anomaly.”

“Sure,” Newt says. “So what?”

Hermann slides the spreadsheet back into his desk, pulls his dorky glasses off, and exhales slowly: he’s getting to the point. Newt has a hunch what that point might be, but Hermann always looks funny when he gets into lecture mode, and Newt doesn’t want to interrupt it.

“I believe,” Hermann says, “that our—relationship status, which was significantly different on that occasion as compared to the rest—might possibly have had no small influence, for one reason or another. We certainly behaved more, er, affectionately, or tenderly around each other, and perhaps others took note and found it charming. Or some such thing. Of course I can't draw any conclusions from a single point of data, but I believe if we were to... Well, it's a bit silly, hearing myself now.”

“You want me to be your fake b-f so we can trick people into giving a shit about us and shake them down easier,” Newt says.

The tips of Hermann’s generous ears go red. “I’m aware it’s an unusual request,” he says, “especially considering… recent certain developments in our working relationship.”

It’s not exactly the fun platonic bonding time Newt anticipated, but he has a hunch Hermann might be on to something—the whole doomed romance, give us money so our love has a fighting chance of surviving the apocalypse thing, which they were apparently already inadvertently playing up. He’s willing to give it a shot. Making a joke out of it might actually help Newt let go of his last lingering nostalgia for that super brief period of time he and Hermann got up to after-hours hijinks and were almost amicable with each other. And, you know, on the other hand, if that doesn’t work, he could totally do the opposite of moving on and revel in the opportunity to do couple-y tender things with Hermann again.

“Yeah, sure,” Newt says. Real chill about it. He’s so chill, man.

Hermann blinks at him owlishly, clearly taken aback, but says nothing.

“It’ll be fun,” Newt adds. “It’s a good plan, great idea, it’ll totally work. Nothing has to be weird, right? I mean, it’s not like we were really even dating before or anything. There’s no reason for it to be weird. It’s definitely not for me. Is it for you?”

“No, er, of course not,” Hermann says. “It was my idea, wasn’t it?”

They’re totally over each other, but they can also totally pretend they’re not for a night or two, no sweat. “Cool,” Newt says, and repeats, maybe to convince himself, “It’ll be fun. We can dress up all fancy and wear matching ties or something and talk about how tragic we are. I’ll grab your ass in front of people and you can brag about how cool and smart and sexy I am.”

“You are not doing that,” Hermann says, “and I am not doing that. When have I ever—oh, nevermind. I am not averse to the neckties, however, especially if it means you’re at least attempting to look somewhat professional for our prospective—”

“Dude, come on, you totally just think I look hot in a suit.”

The splotchy red flush spreads from Hermann’s ears to his neck as he scowls at Newt. He doesn’t bother denying it: Newt’s sure they both vividly remember the most recent annual k-science research symposium when Newt finally let himself be talked into renting a fancy blazer, to look, uh, like the expert in your field you are, Newton, and Hermann had such a hard time keeping his hands off Newt in increasingly unchaste ways that they had to duck out early. I like when you look put-together and competent, Hermann said, or something along those lines, there was a lot of kissing going on and Newt wasn’t exactly paying attention to specifics. He ended up losing the deposit on the suit—which is why he stole the sandwich in the first place, actually. Very petty revenge. Full circle.

“Piss off,” Hermann grumbles.

“We’re gonna have to put in for just one hotel room if we wanna sell it, you know,” Newt says, the realization suddenly hitting him. “Maybe even one bed. It’ll look totally suspicious if we don’t, right?”

Hermann meets his eyes for a few awkward, quiet seconds, and then they both quickly look away from each other. Newt stands up and makes a show of gathering their untouched mugs, both of which have gone extremely cold. Hermann slips his glasses back on and opens up his desk drawer to shuffle through his immaculate spreadsheets again, pretending to look for errors that they both know aren't there.

“We’ve,” Hermann finally says, and then clears his throat. “We’ve survived worse. I'm sure we can manage. It’s only for two nights, after all.”

“Yeah, totally,” Newt says.

#newmann #maria's fanfiction tag #FINISHED A FIC AT LAST.... #sailoreuterpe