#god fucking damn it. i am giving in and making a vent post made entirely in the tags

[transvoxman]

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#god fucking damn it. i am giving in and making a vent post made entirely in the tags #whatever terror laserblast wouldve gone through if he decided to be upfront with POINT and not fake his death. im going THROUGH it #sure would be nice if people could be happy for me going on T. instead of reacting like theyre at a goddamn funeral. #me n laserblast are both very much cowards who care more about what others think than about being who we are #but *I'm* subjecting myself to coming out to people before T forces me to be out whether i like it or not #and its so fucking scary. i literally feel anxiety nausea 24/7 and start literally Shaking when i think about it #i can barely function from being so scared of how theyll react. #im literally financially independent and will be 100% safe no matter how they react!!! im just THAT scared of what other people think of me #and obviously i dont have anyone irl who is supportive and happy for me otherwise i wouldnt be venting on goddamn tumblr #nothing more heartbreaking than needing to go through something that im overjoyed about without being able to celebrate it with ANYONE #its also infuriating. i couldve been on T *years* ago if i had supportive people in my life. #i dropped out of COLLEGE because of dysphoria. i couldve had a DEGREE by now #transphobia takes so many possibilities away from people. #well im not letting it take anything else away from me. im not letting ANY amount of fear stop me anymore. people can fucking deal with it. #im not putting up the facade of my gender assigned at birth anymore. #no matter what happens next. #im trying so hard to genuinely believe it when i say 'fuck it im gonna transition no matter what' but anger is so difficult to hold on to. #it takes so much energy. its easier to just feel heartbroken about people i care about cutting me out of their lives. #well. itll get easier eventually. its just gonna suck more than anything else thats ever happened in my life first.

[pagerunner-j]

I know I'm late to the party here, but I picked up Jedi: Fallen Order when it was free on PS+, and have been spending some of my sleepless hours over the last several days playing through it. I'm not done yet, but I'm getting close. A few thoughts about it, in no particular order.

(spoilers, probably, but they're mild.)

Cal, I'm very sorry I was disinterested from early impressions and thought you were kind of bland. You are, in fact, a good, good egg and I'm glad to have you.

Force-based psychometry should have been a thing a whole lot sooner. It's also probably the most elegant choice they could have made for in-game lore drops. Thumbs up.

BD-1: best droid.

Whoever designed BD's holomaps, however, needs to be dragged out back and given a...stern talking-to.

On that note: oh dear god does this game need fast travel. Please. I am begging with all my heart.

I mean, Merrin can apparently teleport wherever the hell she wants, so can't she teach us or something? You can come up with a narrative excuse here, guys. I PROMISE YOU CAN.

Side note: I never did watch the Clone Wars series, and God knows there's too much ancillary Star Wars media to keep track of everything unless you make it your full-time job, so this is my first encounter with the Nightsisters.

They are entirely my jam.

Neeeed mooooore.

Overall thoughts: I appreciate what they're going for with the combat in this game; I'm not very good at it, although I'm getting better; I'd probably get better much faster if I were less impatient on account of not wanting to retrace my steps all the time if I screw up, because I reiterate: OMG THESE MAPS.

Upside? Story difficulty exists. Thaaaaaank yooooooou.

Related: There are some combat achievements I haven't dinged yet and am planning to try in the post-game, and I'll probably change the difficulty back at some point while I'm at it, now that I've got the maps fully cleared and at least kind of know where I'm going? Mostly.

Having found every chest (thank you to whoever wrote the guide at True Achievements; you rock) and thereby discovered pretty much every poncho variant known to mankind -- except for the clear plastic kind they give you at theme parks so you can keep dry in the rain and/or at messy stage shows, and now I wish they'd tossed in one of those for kicks -- I would like to encourage the devs, if they have the time between now and April, to put a few different kinds of collectibles on the map next time. Just one or two. For me.

(Oh, ponchos. The '70s were a weird damn time, okay.)

Elemental Nature II + Magus: pretty pretty lightsaber combo.

I was also super torn about color choice, but I went with cyan and really have no regrets. My personal headcanon for it: you find your crystal in a cave of ice, you might as well stick with the color palette.

Above all, though, the main reason I started writing this list was the scene I just watched, where we got to a pivotal dramatic moment and Cal got properly knighted, with a lightsaber and all, and my jaw fucking dropped, because it's been decades now of Star Wars and all these movies and shows and games and books and shit and -- again, with the caveat here that I absolutely haven't seen everything, but still -- that was the first time I'd seen that happen.

and seriously

HOW WAS THAT THE FIRST TIME I'VE SEEN THAT HAPPEN

all the points to the devs of this game for making the obvious choice that somehow wasn't obvious at all.

(P.S. If you give me a bogling pet for my ship, LET ME PLAY WITH IT. Glimpsing it in the vents now and then is not enough. I pout. Still amused that Greez A: has noticed signs of its presence, if not its actual presence and B: is perplexed by it, though.)

#star wars #jedi fallen order

[bunnyqueengrace]

Vent post below the cut.

The past week and a half has been fucked. I am so tempted to just call the fuck out of work tomorrow. I am just so damn tired.

The customers are constantly trashing the store and letting their kids run wild. They're screaming at us, the staff, over the stupidest fucking things. No, Karen, you cannot get full price back for this item you bought four years ago and are now returning, that's not how it fucking works, and you know it, no amount of tantrums will change this. They then bitch us out on social media for their own bad behavior.

(Not to mention all the abandoned cars that get strewn about the store that we then have to clean up)

Making things even more frustrating is that corporate literally will not let us schedule enough people to Actually Run The Store. We literally get two or three cashiers for most of the day, and two or three floor staff to cover The Entire Store, and one of the floor staff HAS TO BE covering the fitting room or we can't have the fitting room open. BUT. We have been getting massive, rush-hour type lines at times that were not considered rush hour pre-pandemic, and the two or three cashiers are not enough. The majority of the time, someone from the floor staff have to get on register to help get the line steady at the very least, cleared out at best. And when that happens, that's one or two less people covering the floor and cleaning up after the gods-damned customers who keep trashing the place and letting their kids be holy terrors. Which, in turn, means the store is almost never clean. We have enough people on payroll, we could easily have enough people scheduled to cover the registers and keep the store tidy, not this everyone-has-to-be-doing-three-jobs-at-once bullshit. But gods forbid the corporate fuckos give us the hours, since that would require them spending money on their workforce and they haven't made their fifteen unused yachts a month quota.

(There's always enough people scheduled for out back, but they're usually all done and out the door by noon, and half of them aren't cashier-trained.)

Not to mention we keep losing people about as fast as we hire them. One would think after all the shenanigans the pandemic put us all through, corporate would at least TRY to offer (and Actually Give) better benefits like more paid sick leave, etc. But no. Apparently we're all supposed to just accept the old bullshit treatment of the past, even though we know better can be done. I don't blame the youngsters who leave after a week, whether I like them or not, they know what they're worth and I hope they're all doing well. But the constant turnover because corporate can't treat us with basic respect and decency is Not Good For Anyone.

And that's just the work side of things.

Two of my family members have had major surgeries. They're both okay, but one is elderly, and as tough as she is, this was an extremely stressful time and we have no idea how well she's going to handle her physical therapy.

A few other family members don't seem to be talking right now, and the rest of us are trying so hard to awkwardly navigate around them. I'd honestly rather one of them just outright say they don't want the others in their life anymore, at least that way I could have some idea of how to proceed.

And on top of all that, I've been having flashbacks to high school when my mother was at her worst with everything from privacy to grades and plenty beyond.

I am just so fucking tired. I don't want to die, but I just want everything to fucking stop.

#vent post #i dont know if any of this needs a trigger warning but do what you need to take care of yourself if any of this affects you

[killedthedreamerdream]

This is literally a vent post sorry about that but yeah if you're not comfortable with vent ignore this <3

AAAAAAH I'M SO DAMN TIRED I feel so freaking lonely it's horrible. I have friends but they're not close yk I feel like I'm always their last choice. It's okay most of the time cause they've known each others for longer and they're in the same class but in the last couple of weeks it just hurted so much. I really needed them. I needed hugs and a listening ear. I hate myself for it cause normally when I struggle I handle it myself. I hate asking for help so I never do. I'm also autistic so it's hard for me to communicate my needs but I always do my best to be there if someone needs anything. I just need someone to care about me. To notice that I'm not there. To ask how I am and give me time to answer. I don't want this to sound selfish, I'm not selfish I just wanna feel part of my friend group.

I was so excited for prom but now I realized that I'm gonna be so lonely. No one to dance with cause my friends aren't in my grade. And now nothing makes me excited about it. I just feel ugly in the dress I really loved before. I know I'll end up crying in the bathrooms like a fucking cliché.

Cause yeah I was supposed to go with my girlfriend but I don't have one anymore and it's so confusing. We texted everyday, she was so special to me and now all of that is gone and I'm questioning if it was ever real or if she was just a dream? I know she was real obviously but it feels so weird that just like that I don't know anything about her anymore. And God I'm so confused about my orientation. A week ago I was sure I was aro and now I miss the idea of a couple so much. And I miss her so much. I have no idea how romantic love should feel like but I know I have a lot of love for her. Anyways I'll never talk to her again. She doesn't want to. I couldn't love her like she needed me to. The thing is, I had built in my head our entire future, our wedding, some cute gifts I'd give her, etc. Now I'm grieving that but at the same time it's relieving cause a romantic relationship made me literally panic. I think that's the definition of being in love with the idea of someone. I don't know, I'm so lost.

I don't know what to do with my life. I have no one it's awful. I'm nobody's first choice. I know I should learn to love myself enough so that nobody could love me and my own love would be enough but it's so hard. How can I learn to love myself?? Please tell me I just can't figure it out.

I wish I could show a friend all the aro posts/videos I relate to for them to understand. But I don't think they care. Life is just disappointing.

#autistic spectrum #aromantic #aroace #asexual #autism #lgbt pride #late diagnose autistic #arospec #actually aro #aromantic in a relationship #autistic girl #vent post #questioning #communication #anxiety #aro struggles

[gazingatmydoom]

i think i actually went through the five stages of grief just now finishing one shot. or. one sec

ok not all five but i definitely hit at least three, maybe four of them. counting. like. oneshot is a fucking amazing game but i'm also gonna talk about DEPRESSION AS WELL WHAMO

long vent post below the cut idm if u read it but it's super long lol so yeah

cos like. that was the most. mm. it was the most difficulty i've had making a descsion that i was involved in emotionally. ig the ending of oneshot was like pretty much 100% "how much do u care about this vs this" thing so like entirely emotionally charged but idk it had me yk. and i was sitting on the toilet taking a whizz as one does after condemning ur best friend catperson ever forever to an eternal life in a world they don't belong to. and i was thinking right, that's probably the saddest i've felt playing a game since i finished titanfall 2 in early 2020. estimating. might've been 2019 idk. and now i don't remember if i played any other particularly sad games between tf|2 and oneshot but i doubt i didn't and if i'm running on things i'm assuming about the depression i'm assuming i had (which i am) then memory loss was a big part of it. cos i god damned do not remember fuck shit ass from the past few years. and i was thinking hey MAYBE the reason i haven't been that sad about any game (in memory) is because i was simply too depressed to give a rats ass.

i mean there's one game ig which is hollow knight and i felt sad when i got the sealed siblings ending but. if i'm being honest alot of the strong emotions i had with that game felt very forced. that's one thing i can remember quite well actually and no i don't know why, but when i felt sad when i watched the siblings curl up and go back down to the bottom of the abyss, it felt like i was trying to push my heart down it didn't feel like it was sinking on it's own.

ok the more i'm talking about it the more i'm thinking i'm bullshitting but idk. idk! the idea that i had depression and quite possibly might still have it is takign over my mind everytime i react with alot of emotion to something. which is happening at an increased rate in the past few months, and has barely happened at all in the past three years.

it makes me think ig. like i got mad at niko and the author and the entity for making *me* make this decision, when in my opinion, it really should've been niko's to make. and i somehow thought niko was going to make it! i was so sure they would i was like ye ok niko ima break this to u and then i need u to sit and think about it and i need u to know i will support u no matter WHAT u choose it's ok and i love u. and then they're like "what should i do bestie?" AS IF THAT'S MY DECISION TO MAKE????? it caught me off guard yk and i didn't cry or scream or freak out but i'd be lying if i said it made me think and feel in ways that feel new or fresh, but not brand new just like ahh i forgot what this was like new. if i ever felt them at all.

i swear sometimes it does feel like the second i gained any ability to think somewhat for myself (which sounds stupid but trust me this was mid teens for me) i started spiralling. so idk yk. i lost where i was going with this uuuuhhhhhhhh. but who cares. this is a vent post(?) so it doesn't matter if i finish it. that word keeps coming up tho i don't wanna say it again. the depress. the deps. depths. dark souls. i keep thinking of it. it keeps coming back to me and bouncing around my head like "hey maybe *this* is why what ur feeling or thinking or doing rn feels super weird and alien to u" cos that feeling keeps coming back yk. i can feel it coming back less and less in past days tho and that's not to say i'm getting used to experiencing new things but it might be to say i'm sinking back down. not sure tho!

just added a read more link idk if it worked i've never used one before but it just struck me how long this post is now lmao and i don't wanna bother the two people who might see this.

but ye shit has been wild and by that i mean crazy and by that i mean i've begun feeling emotions again and it's been fucking me up to varying degrees! side not like dungeon meshi has made me cry everytime a new episode comes out i fucking like. like yes it's good but it's also me being passionate about something. the last thing i was passionate about i would say was hollow knight i used to cry all the time watching silksong trailers and listening to the bonebottom ost sample but i tell u when that was. that stopped happening around mid 2020. yo am i dating my depression rn. early to mid 2020 that must've been it that must've been the start. which makes sense cos i think that was also when i left college and therefore stopped going outside at all ever. i got a job about a year after but it was shit and i hated it and i cried at work so i quit. found a new one a month or so later and i'm still there today. they're good there and i like it. it's still the only reason i go out which i don't think is healthy but. it's something. i was invited out for activites earlier today and i said yes. that's another first in a long time that was the first yes i've given in fucking ages. i don't think i have anything to wear oh christ. i need to buy some clothes. god. ok getting into personal life more than personal feelings and that's not what i want to include on this blog. we talk about FEELINGS here not EVENTS.

but ye uh. ig to conclude depression (if i ever had it (i'm only saying that cos i was never officially diagnosed i'm like 99% sure it was there)) i forgot where this sentence was going. ig to conclude, depression. yeah. stay hydrated kids

#bwomp

[ruinestagehouse]

[[CW: I don't know how to tag this, I'm not in a good state because I've set off a system member in the process of this. So, for content warnings, I talk about displacement, racism, being ripped away from culture, forceful socialization into another culture, evidently the s* slur, cultural rejection, and that fact that I didn't think this would hurt as much as it did. This came about from a discussion I just had where perhaps I didn't word my support as well as I wanted, and the person brought race into it, do not harass or bother the person if you find out who he is. Please. I am actually begging you. Do not show him my vent, either. I have him blocked and I want no contact with him, and he wants none with me. If you try to act like a racist twat towards natives on this post, I'm blocking you. I don't care who you are.]]

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I have, very painfully remembered why Ryan hates it when either Eris or I have to bring up the fact we were forcefully disconnect from the fact we're native.

It's easier to just say we're white because no one believes us otherwise. Mom is pasty as the damn sun, and we got that from her. She has us so disconnected from our dad's side of the family, and any semblance of a culture he has, that I don't even know what we are anymore. She made sure to muddle that too. Ryan says it was Blackfoot. I trust him on that.

But when I have to tell someone that they've just completely missed a point I made and they just continue making assumptions, even when I have to come out and tell them, "I'm not white. I'm not the exact same as you but even if we were I am carrying hidden damned trauma from being ripped away from anything that could have been shared by an actually racist mother,"

"White people ripping themselves a new asshole to make me look like the bad guy."

Christ, you were just looking for a bad guy you twat.

Damnit, I know I will never belong! I will never bloody fucking be able to. I will never reconnect with a culture I was robbed of and I certainly can't do it here where it isn't safe. But to know that even if I tried I'd just be some white kid who you called racist for typing out "savage," which wasn't even aimed at you it was quite literally quoted from your message as you accused me of treating you like one in a post supporting you, in which I didn't even know you were native when I wrote the damned thing, a word I have damn well been trying not to be called out of fear (I use I here to denote the system as a whole, but this trauma is mostly Ryan's. Ryan is the one who bore the brunt of this) because God knows being what I am already is at risk of getting me raped in a state where that is a death sentence due to disability and the fact I'm trans, to bear a child would kill me outright, utterly fuck you for clinging to a victim card because you found an easy target.

This entire typing style, did you think I was from fucking England?

Damnit, I live in Ohio. I type and speak like this because none of my damned friends are American. None of the media my parents showed me was American. I have to consciously stop myself from using the spellings of other countries for words like color. This is how I was socialized. This is how I was raised. The furthest from what I actually bloody fucking am.

I'm tired of this. I even went to walk away and he just could not fucking relent. He didn't even read what I said. He just kept calling me white and then called me a racist.

Ryan, I'm sorry. I didn't know any of that was a trigger, but Christ that was horrid. Christ, I give up on this. I really will only ever be some white twat to the people I'm supposed to be a part of. I can't escape my socialization. I can't escape my mother. But evidently, I'm alone no matter what I do.

I don't talk about this for a reason, and I never want to talk about it again, because it doesn't matter. If anyone asks, as I always say, I'm Irish/Scottish.

It's just fucking easier to pretend.

#stagehouse rambles #vent post #cw rape mention #cw racism #cw parental abuse #Do not reblog #Do not Comment #I don't want replies to this.

[broiunno]

License to Steal - Act IV

License to Steal

ACT IV

Act I // Act II // Act III // Act IV

---

summary: Min Yoongi is your new protection detail upon your return to your father's side after being sent away during a bloody gang war. Now the dust has settled, you've been called back to your old controlled life, and leaving you an unwilling participant in your family's plans. You don't know what they are but you are no longer willing to be the obedient, protected daughter. You don't really care in the least of it makes Yoongi's new assignment hell on earth- So you'll carve your own life out back home on your own terms.

-rating: 18+

-pairing: min yoongi x reader

-word count: 5.8k

-warnings: swearing, gang activities includes drug mention and eventual drug use, the slowest of burns, organized crime, toxic af family dynamics, BEWARE IN THIS ACT: graphic family abuse (father initiated verbal and physical assault- does not fade to black), violence, blood, graphic descriptions of torture, and graphic sex scenes will be included in this work.

-authors note: @chelsea-chee leading the au as usual. I love her the appreciate her as my love, writer, and my beta. Her works are *chefs kiss* Thank you again beautiful <3 PLEASE NOTE: I AM REALLY NOT EXCITED TO POST THE NEXT FEW ACTS. They deal with heavy subject matter and I don't fade to black at any point so please note my works are for mature audiences, warnings are there for a reason and in bold. You are an adult if you are reading this work (per the warnings) and you are responsible for the content you consume. Thank you. ILY all and I love asks about the characters. And that's all I have to say about that...I'm sorry for the wait. I've had covid. I'm back on a better schedule now.

-----------------------------------------------

You fumbled with your hair as you tried to rip your fingers through the still damp strands to assemble it back into a semi-presentable pony tail as the door slid open to your father’s office. You really did wish that you had been able to go upstairs and shower. Or at least change your clothes from the workout gear you currently felt sticking to your skin from the cooling sweat. As a breeze drifted from the vent as the air kicked on, you shivered violently, shaking your head and shooting a hateful stare in Yoongi’s direction as you stepped into the office. Appearances were everything in your family. They were the first level of protection to ensure threats stayed at a minimum. A show of strength and cohesiveness discouraged any hair-brained ideas from a weaker or less organized opposition.

Your father raised a dark, thick brow, turning from the man was speaking quietly to, his expression unreadable as you inclined your head slightly in greeting. “You asked to see me?” you said quietly, keeping your eyes downcast. Since Yoongi had mentioned your father was summoning you, you knew it couldn’t be anything positive. This soon after your arrival? Nothing good would come of this. You had just grabbed onto the distraction of Yoongi until you both stood in the office, feeling stripped bare, awaiting whatever admonishment was about to be delivered.

“You couldn’t make it a full forty-eight hours without causing me a migraine,” your father said sharply and you kept your eyes trained on the floor, as you replayed yesterday in your mind.

“Father, I don’t know what you-”

“Y/N, you weren’t even back a day and you spent how much?” he said, aggravation lacing his tone. “I had to call in Kim to look at your accounts immediately. You’re a fucking hassle.” He huffed and your eyes finally lifted to the stranger that stood next to your father, noting that he stepped away from your father and bowed quickly.

“Nice to meet you, miss. I’m Kim Namjoon. I’ve been handling your accounts and will continue to do so.” You felt your lips part in a soft ‘oh’ as you studied the broad planes of his face, full lips and intense eyes. You felt like he was picking you apart in that moment as you took your time to absorb his ash blond hair in a relaxed, but carefully crafted style. His skin tone was golden; a contrast to Yoongi’s milk-like skin. He glowed, and you couldn’t tell if it from his melanin or the fact that he was radiating intelligence.

“N-Nice to meet you too,” you stammered and managed to close your mouth as he pushed up the rolled sleeves of his white button-down shirt. You swallowed hard and tried to claw through the mental fog that had overcome you. With the teasing from both Jungkook and Yoongi, being presented with another god-like man was the last thing you needed. “I will admit I’m a little confused; my spending was never a problem when I was away? I mean, it’s not like I bought a car.”

Your father barked a laugh and threw up his hands. “You have no grasp on what I do to make this money that you just piss away Y/N! And you COULD have bought a car with the amount you spent yesterday! Like I said: a god damn burden!” he hissed and you flushed slightly, taking a step back unconsciously as you watched his neck flush. Yoongi hadn’t said a word, but you knew you could still sense his dark presence in the corner of the room, not looking at him to notice his eyes narrowed slightly as the scene unfolded.

“Y/N, I’ve had an idea. You’re a daughter. I can’t do much with you. Your brother who I could actually have used is dead. Your mother-” He stopped as he watched your eyes bulge and he shook his head. “I can’t have more children. I’d consider it disrespectful to her memory,” he mused, a hand running along his chin and you couldn’t help the scoff that escaped you, but your jaw snapped shut audibly as your teeth clacked together after the noise passed your lips.

Your father’s eyes flared to life in challenge and he glanced at Namjoon, lip curling. “Did you calculate her estimated cost of living and monthly expenditures? Do you have solid numbers?” he said shortly and Namjoon just nodded, eyes flicking between the family members silently. “And did you adjust for a profit at the margin we discussed?”

“Yes sir,” came the deep steady voice, Namjoon’s eyes traveling your figure, his gaze not heavy with lust or desire, but full of curiosity. “The monthly amount that you should request for that profit is in the proposal if you would like to review it.” He finished and cleared his throat. “I can return if you want me to look over the contract,” he said softly, clearing fishing for a dismissal and your father granted it, offering his hand and you felt your mouth tighten in confusion.

“What contract?”

Namjoon grabbed a briefcase and inclined his head to you stiffly in farewell before his long legs carried him out the doorway. Your father’s gaze didn’t leave your eyes as he spoke. “Yoongi, see him out.” Yoongi nodded and started after the tall man in silence, not sparing you a second glance on his way out.

“I asked you what contract?” you said softly, struggling to keep your voice even as your father stepped closer to you.

“Well, you went out. Spent a lot of money that you’ve done nothing to earn, and caught someone’s eye in the process. Someone worth a lot of money and who would be an asset to have closer to the family at this point in his career.” Your father clasped his hands behind his back as he continued to close the distance between you, each step he made, you felt your heart plummet further.

“Father… what exactly are you implying?”

“I’m not implying anything, Y/N. I’m telling you. Someone’s made a bid for your hand, and it’s the only thing you’ll be good for at this point. The shopping sprees, your lifestyle. I can maintain them, but if someone else is willing to do so, and the marriage benefits me in my business, I’d be stupid not to pursue it. Do you think I’m stupid, Y/N?” he said, voice getting dangerously quiet as he reached out to tuck a piece of hair that had escaped the rapidly put-up ponytail behind your ear.

“You can’t sell me off like fucking cattle!-” you said, flinching away from his touch, and his large, calloused hand shot out to grab your chin tightly. He forced your face back towards his as you tried to jerk away, squeezing hard enough to make your eyes begin to water. Your heart thudded out a dangerous irregular rhythm as you breathed hard through your nose.

“I can’t? Y/N, you seem to be under the delusion that you are free from the responsibilities that come with being in this family. I suppose that may be my fault. I was too soft on you, pitied the losses I caused you to have. I always had your brother anyway; there was no harm in indulging you. But now, you’re the only one with my blood in your veins. You’re home to do a service for this family. Everyone else has given their lives in some way. Did you think you were special?” His words were measured and cold as he studied you, grip not loosening on your face. You would be bruised tomorrow as you felt the throb set in from the pressure he was applying.

“You may order me to do it, but I don’t have to go along with this,” you hissed, barely able to open your jaw, but clenching your teeth to get your words out, rage licking up and down your body. He had taken your entire life as a child, as an adolescent. Did he really think giving you a few years of freedom put you back in his debt so far that you owed him the rest of your life?!

No sooner than the words were out of your mouth you heard the sharp crack, and felt yourself stumbling backwards into the wall. You blinked quickly as you registered the pain in your head, immediately starting to pound as the metallic taste of blood filled your mouth. You barely had time to regain a semblance of your bearings before your father was upon you again, face chillingly blank as his ringed fingers gripped the base of your ponytail, ripping your head back at an awkward angle, a scream breaching your bloody lips. The noise was cut short by another blow, snapping your head to the side before he jerked your face back to center.

“Who do you think you are, you little bitch?” he said with a lilt to his tone as you choked out a sob, unable to keep it from escaping your lips. “You really thought you weren’t going to do shit to replace that money you spent?” When he finished speaking he gave your head a violent shake, as if to scramble your thoughts further. It was completely unnecessary, as your head felt as if it was splitting with the pain he had rocked through you with his blows and harsh grip. You felt the start of a purely hysterical giggle break through, spitting out the fresh rush of blood that ran in your mouth due to the cuts in your cheek from your teeth. You noticed a piece of the skin from inside your mouth flapping loosely that made you nauseated if you dwelled on it.

The laugh was probably the worst response you could have had.

You heard a soft hiss, and your father stepped into your space further, hands darting from your head to wrap themselves around your throat and squeezing. As your hands scrambled to scratch at his hand, his arm, his face, anything, you wished you were surprised at this. You wished you were hurt because you were shocked, but you weren’t. There was blood in the water and he was a shark. He built his life this way.

“You don’t have to go along with this…” he said softly, voice void of emotion, “but you also don’t have to keep living here either. How long will you make it without this family? You’d never make it out of the city.” He mused and continued to squeeze, your vision starting to spot as you tried to draw in any bit of air within the hold he had, the choking heaves under the weight of him making the blood that had pooled in your mouth from his blows spill over your chin grotesquely as it began to stream onto his hand. “So will you behave for once in your fucking life?”

You were hyper aware of the tears streaming down your face as you managed the smallest of nods. You supposed he was right; you had never imagined you would be used in the family in any way. Your entire life had been lonely, and even though you hated it, you had resigned yourself to it. His hands unwrapped themselves from your neck, letting you inhale a burning gasp of air as you slid down the wall, and onto the floor. You coughed and rocked forward onto all fours as the shaking of your body didn’t allow for much more than consciousness.

Your father pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped the crimson of your blood off his hand before tossing it to you on the floor. You could barely recognize the quick but unhurried footsteps coming back down the hallway to the office before they stopped short.

“Yoongi, take her upstairs.”

==

The flush from hustling back to his boss’s office drained from Yoongi’s face as his eyes widened at your figure hunched forward onto your elbows on the floor. He watched you hack as your body tried to clear your airway. Yoongi stayed silent as he reached down, crouching next to you and attempting to offer you a hand so you could stand on your own, for which you were thankful. You felt the physical pain, but no emotions as your mind sluggishly screamed at you to just accept his hand and stand. You needed to walk out of here on your own. You knew you wouldn’t make it all the way to your room after the assault, but you didn’t need to. Just to the elevator.

You reached out your hand, shaking hard, as you clasped at his large palm and hoisted yourself up, letting him pull lightly as he stood with you, noting that he was still silent. You tried to ignore how your vision swam before you, willing your knees not to buckle. You couldn’t pinpoint if the unsteadiness was from the blows to your face, the lack of oxygen, or the tears that had thankfully stopped streaming down your face but still filled your eyes.

Yoongi seemed to read your mind, shifting his grip from your hand to your upper arm, nestling in your underarm and gently steered you to the door, but let you support most of your weight on the way out. You walked in silence as he didn’t rush you down the hallway, both of your eyes trained on the lift door as he typed in the code. As you waited for the door to open you felt your shaking legs betray you and start to bend. You glanced away from him, the movement of your eyes causing a piercing pain to shoot through your head. “Please,” was all you rasped wetly as you put more weight and started to sink, but the pressure holding you up immediately doubled, Yoongi’s support forcing you upright, even if it made your shoulder raise. It would be almost imperceptible from your father’s office if he was still looking in your direction, but you doubted he would. He had already received your submission; he didn’t need you for anything else.

Yoongi didn’t seem to want to take the chance that he was still watching, stepping into the elevator and continuing to only hold you in one place. His grip was still disguised as if he was walking you out in the same way he may escort an associate who was no longer welcome - in such a manner that would deter any further escalation. No one would be able to tell he was the only thing keeping you upright.

As the door slid shut to the elevator the facade crumbled, you lurching forward and gasping out a sob of pain, tilting your head down to let the blood that had been collecting in your mouth pour out onto the floor. You forgot how much mouth wounds bled. Yoongi was not bothered with the grotesque display as he swiftly adjusted his grip to wrap around your shoulders, his other arm sweeping at your feet as he lifted you with apparent ease. You shut your eyes as the tears began to flow once more, unable to restrain the moans and whimpers of pain that escaped between gasps as you cried. He still hadn’t said a word, even as you turned your face into his suit jacket, inhaling jaggedly as you tried to focus on the scent permeating from him, trying to place it through your snot-filled nose. The only thing you could recognize was the warm, woodsy scent of patchouli as you reached a shaking hand up to hold onto his jacket tightly. You knew he wouldn’t drop you, but it grounded you all the same.

You tried to slow your breathing, but failed as the elevator door opened and Yoongi strode quickly to your bedroom door, bending at the knees and somehow using his crook of his elbow and his body to turn the door knob, the only change in your positioning being that you tilted slightly as he spun it. He kicked the door with his foot gently as he stepped in, by-passing your bed as he carried you into your bathroom, carefully getting on his knees as he lowered you into your large bathtub as he placed you there. You continued to breath quickly, your gasps becoming sharper as your gentle shaking soon became uncontrollable. You released his jacket as he stood and you pulled your knees to your chest, shutting your eyes finally as you heard the tap briefly run before a cool rag brushed your chin, eyes flying open as you flinched away.

“Shh, I need to see your face. I have to get the blood off,” Yoongi whispered, and you finally looked at him, noting his face was still paler than normal. “Princess, I need you to take a slow, deep breath okay? Can you do that? Your lips are turning blue; you’re hyperventilating. You’re safe,” he murmured, brows pinching together in a pained expression you had never seen on his face as you tried to nod, attempting to take a long breath in but ended up gulping in air multiple times on the way, the blurring of your vision worsening as Yoongi grimaced, your breathing speeding up again, your shoulders shrugging with the effort to take in air. The last thing you heard was Yoongi’s tense exclamation of “Shit!” before you blacked out.

==

When you awoke, you were under the covers of your large bed. You sat up quickly before groaning from the ache in your head, then realizing that opening your mouth made you want to scream from pain. Between the squeeze on your jaw and the cuts inside your mouth, it was safe to say you would be saying very little for a while. You glanced towards the window, noting it was inky black outside.

“How long has he hit you?” came a cool voice from beside your bedside and you turned to face the source, seeing a figure standing beside the small table, casting a shadow with the aid of a lamp. Had he even left? Yoongi had shed his stained suit jacket, but still wore the white shirt and same suit pants. You only knew it was the same shirt due to the blood stain from where your mouth must have painted him. Instead of attempting to speak, you shrugged in an attempt to get his gaze off of you. It was piercing and unnerving. You felt as if this was the beginning of an interrogation, and you didn’t fail to notice the color had still not returned to his normally pale face. Now that your mind was a bit clearer you were able to recognize why it registered so deeply with you. He was the embodiment of white with fury. “How. Long?” he said again with such harshness you swallowed hard, ignoring the fire that licked down your throat as you did so.

“That’s a joke right? He’s always been like that. I just normally am better at avoiding it,” you forced out; your words were almost incoherent as you tried to move your jaw as little as possible as you spoke. That was bearable. Good. Not that you had expected it to be, but at least your jaw wasn’t broken; that would have been a pain in the ass. “What time is it?”

“It’s three am,” Yoongi hissed as his eyes glimmered in the near darkness, pushing off the wall and grabbing a glass of water off the table and sweeping a few pills into his hand. “Take these.” You took his offering and a small sip of the water before carefully throwing the pills to the back of your throat and washing them down, sighing softly. “They’re pain pills. They’ll help and you’ll be able to go back to sleep in a bit.”

You didn’t answer but pulled back the cover of your bed and slid out, noting that your bloody shirt had been changed but you still had on your sports bra and leggings. And your ponytail had been taken down, which was probably a good thing since your scalp was still aching from the hold your father had you in.

“Y/N… don’t.” Came Yoongi’s voice, still unemotional but a bit gentler than his earlier tone. You didn’t turn back to him but stopped your path to your vanity, obviously trying to look at your reflection in the mirror to assess the damage.

“Is it that bad?” you grumbled, turning to him and you watched him shrug.

“It’s not good. Don’t worry about it tonight. No bones are broken from what I can tell. I wiped you down the best I could. Just change once I leave and get back into bed.”

You let out a deep breath but finally stepped towards your closet instead to grab an oversized t-shirt. You could work the bra off under it and slip your pants off once you had it on. “Why did you even stay?” you said softly as you set to work, your muscles aching as you attempted to change modestly. You don’t know why it even mattered, but in this moment it did.

“I needed to know if he had done this before. I needed to know if this was the first time. When we were kids, you weren’t around all the time. Sometimes, I’d go months without seeing you. I didn’t know if this was a part of it,” he spat out, visibly tensing as he took a loud steadying breath.

You shrugged as you pulled off your leggings, successful in stripping your bra off under the shirt, and padded back to your bed. “There were a few reasons he kept me separated from everyone. It wasn’t all because he thought I was too precious to see any of this.” You climbed back into bed and tried to settle back into the plushness. Yoongi took a step closer to you, his mouth slightly open as he watched you try to get comfortable, seemingly unable to stop himself.

“Y/N…” he said softly and reached a hand towards you and you stiffened, eyes narrowing, and he took note, dropping his hand slowly.

“Yoongi, I never asked for your fucking pity.”

“I know, and it makes me want to help you even more.”

You blinked and tried to register what he was implying. “Help me?” you repeated, shaking your head as you felt the same hysterical laugh bubble up that had made your assault that much worse in your father’s office. “No one can help me!” You laughed, eyes widening as the smile twisted your features. “This is my life, this is what I was born into. This is what all those shiny things cost, Yoongi! I always knew it but I forgot.” You watched as the pained expression from earlier slid back over his features, and you raised your eyebrows in response. “I appreciate it, but unless you’re willing to put a bullet in my fucking head there’s no saving anything.”

“Who says it has to be your head, Princess?” he said gently and you swear you felt the world stop.

“Don’t say shit like that Min,” you hissed, baring your teeth and shaking your head. “Even if we don’t always get along, I don’t want you dead too.”

“Whatever you say Princess,” he said, a smile tugging at his lips as he cocked his head to the side. “Are you alright to sleep? You don’t feel like you’re going to vomit?” he asked seriously, watching as you shook your head.

“I don’t have a concussion,” you grumbled but as you watched him smirk and go to grab his jacket you felt your heart speed up. “Yoongi- w-wait.” He immediately stopped, as if he was anticipating your words. “Can you stay here the rest of the night? I know he won’t do anything but I-”

“Let me go change my clothes. Is that okay Princess?”

“Yeah… I just don’t want to be-”

“It’s fine Y/N. I’ll be right back.” You stayed sitting up, watching him as he dismissed your attempts at explanations and justification as he walked out.

You sighed, leaning against the leather headboard and let your breathing even out, even as your heart still raced. The pain began to slowly ebb as the medication took effect; what had you even taken? It had to be something strong as a comfortable fog began to cloud your thoughts.

You didn’t know why you felt the need to have him here. Did you even need to explain? He was technically your bodyguard. You had known each other most of your lives. You had just suffered through an assault; staying with you was reasonable. Even if the assailant wasn’t unknown, nor were the motives. At the end of the day, Yoongi’s presence made breathing a bit easier. His presence made you feel safe.

The door opened again and you sucked in a breath as Yoongi re-entered your bedroom, one hand carrying his gun and holster, the other a hanger with a clean pressed suit. “I’ll wake up before you,” was all he said in response to your surprised expression as he studied you. He mistook the shock on your face as being accredited to the suit. He was an idiot if he thought you cared about the fact he would dress here. You were too busy drinking in the sight of his lean figure in low-slung grey sweatpants. You tried to rip your gaze back to his face but you got caught on the black ribbed tank top and the swirling black tattoos covering his shoulder and chest before disappearing under the material.

“I didn’t know you had tattoos,” you choked out, feeling your face flush and mentally slapping yourself. He may look like sex on legs, but you looked like you just had the shit beat out of you. Which to be fair to yourself, you actually just had the shit beat out of you.

“Oh, I forgot,” he said, a small smirk tilting his lip up but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. He draped his suit over the chair to your vanity and carried his gun with him towards the plush armchair in the corner of the room.

“The bed is big enough Min. I won’t touch you,” you said breathlessly, trying to force away the blush that was deepening across your face. He seemed to freeze and take a few steadying breaths.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea Princess.” His voice was controlled but quiet.

“Please Yoongi…” you said just as quietly. “It’s just for tonight. I won’t feel safe if you’re all the way over there.”

It was definitely an over exaggeration. You hadn’t really expected him to even agree to stay in your room with you. The chair was the reasonable option. You knew you were pushing it.

“Princess, I-” He breathed, the airiness of his tone making your belly somersault and it gave you a tiny shiver.

“Yoongi, please. I need you next to me. Just tonight.” You shouldn’t be so worried about getting this man into bed with you, but now that he was here in front of you and it was so close to happening, you felt you might cry if he denied you.

You watched his back muscles rippled as he tensed and tried to relax. He turned wordlessly and walked to the opposite side of the bed, setting his holster down and climbing into the king-sized bed with you. “Go to sleep Princess.”

The drugs had to be prescriptions, not that you really expected a member of an organized crime family to just take a regular aspirin when they were in pain. “Is the oxy working yet? It should start soon if it hasn’t.” You hummed your assent as you squirmed down into the bed and tried to keep the smile from your face as you reached over and turned out the lamp. You took a deep breath and shut your eyes, savoring the heat that quickly built from having two bodies under the covers of your bed, ignoring the slightly annoyed sigh from the other side of the bed.

“Be quiet Min, I’m trying to rest,” you said softly and a soft dry chuckle cut through the silence as you let sleep take you.

==

Yoongi’s POV

Yoongi listened to the soft sounds of your breathing as they lengthened and deepened, the pain pills having done their job perfectly. If only he could have done his job in such a manner. He had been given a job: to keep you safe, and he took it seriously. Even if the one assigning his work was an abusive piece of shit. Yoongi let out a sigh, glancing over at your figure in the dark to make sure his huff hadn’t disturbed your slumber. It didn’t. You were still laying there, eyes closed and unaware, your face turned towards him to afford him a view of what exactly your father had done in his absence.

He felt his teeth grind against each other as even in the dark, he could make out the near black bruises covering your neck in the clear shape of hands, a bloom crossing your smooth cheek as well. Even your chin and jaw were dark from bruising; evidence that your father had held your face to force submission. It had worked. He opened his mouth and stretched his own jaw to try and stop himself from continuing to grind his molars down to nothing in rage. He didn’t know if he would ever be able to forget how you looked and how he felt when he entered the office, watching the blood drip onto the floor. How he wanted nothing more than to simply pull out his gun and lodge a bullet into your father’s knee before proceeding to swing the butt of his gun down onto him until he shattered every bone in the pig’s disgusting face.

Until he begged him to stop. Until he begged his daughter to tell Yoongi to stop.

The daydream made Yoongi smile a full gummy smile and chuckle for the first time today. He would stop when you told him to. If you told him to. Now that he knew your father had put his hands on you before this, he wondered if you would just let him continue until his mania at seeing what had been done to you was sated. He knew it wouldn’t be until he heard your father’s death rattle, knowing it had been at his own hands.

You stirred slightly to readjust in your sleep, drawing his attention back to the present as you moved closer to him in the bed and he sucked in a breath. Even beaten and bruised you affected him. Even carrying you in that elevator down the hall as you clutched onto him. He had been spiraling down into violence but as soon as you grabbed his jacket, he knew you wouldn’t withstand even him raising his voice to anyone without shattering. You were normally so fierce and seeing you broken made him want to tear apart this entire society you both lived in, even if it was all either of you had ever known.

It was then he had decided he would be what you were asking of him with your sobs and how you clutched onto him; he would be as gentle as could be and give you whatever you needed tonight. Tomorrow he would begin the undertaking of dismantling your father piece by fucking piece.

He had watched over you after you passed out; you had woken up briefly for him to get you to take pain medicine once before you actually were able to speak to him. Before you asked him to stay with you. He wanted to pretend it didn’t make his icy heart crack, the way you tried to explain and justify his presence. He would never ask you to in this kind of situation. When Yoongi returned to his room, he attempted to steel himself for a night of sitting in that uncomfortable chair, and a sleepless day tomorrow. He had gone more than twenty-four hours without sleep before.

But when your eyes, even if they had started to become glossy and dilated from the drugs, began to run over him, he had to try and think of every unsexy thing he could fathom. You had just been fucking violated and just with one look he felt the blood travel away from his brain and pool below his waist. Why did he think he would be able to wear sweatpants while staying with you? You destroyed every semblance of self control he had. He still hadn’t forgotten your teasing in the elevator prior to this shit show.

Then your soft drowsy voice had called out to him just as he had regained his mental fortitude and continued to the chair. You would be the fucking death of him and he didn’t think he would really mind. Now, as he laid here in bed with you trying to ignore the fact that you were shifting closer to him in your sleep, seeking his warmth, he closed his eyes. He had anticipated the pure fury of tonight keeping him awake, but instead it was the fact that he could feel your breath on his neck, that if he turned his head back to you he could still make out your absolutely gorgeous feminine form from under the blankets. The dip in your waist and the curve of your hips, sloping into your soft thigh. Yoongi’s eyes shot open as he let out a soft hiss as he felt his member stiffen in his sweats, one large hand reaching down to palm himself, and he willed his hard-on to disappear.

He dropped his eyes again, confident he would get his bulge to go down without waking you, and as he tended to it, a soft small hand reached across his middle, making his forehead furrow. He tried to take a steadying breath, and tried to not imagine that the events of last night weren’t the reason he was in your bed. That you had just invited him to bed because you wanted him there, not for security but because you wanted him as a man to share your bed and body. That he could roll over to face you, slip his own hand up that oversized shirt and rub soft circles into your skin before slipping his hand down in-between your thighs.

Yoongi felt his cock twitch and himself harden further, forcing another deep breath in and out as he circled back to try and think of grotesque things to make his longing subside. You at least had stopped wriggling in the bed in an attempt to get closer; he was thankful for that. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter and tried to calm his heart and regulate his breath to make it possible for him to drift off.

This was going to be a long night.

#bts suga #bts ff #bts x reader #mafia!bts #bts gang au #bts imagines #yoongi fanfic #yoongi x reader #suga x reader #btsxarmy #License to steal

[lokifantasies]

Healing PART 1

Summary: You and Loki try to help Jade the best you can.

A/N: Remember! The more you guys interact with the characters' blogs, the more you can help influence and shape the story and dialogue!

Character(s): Loki & Jade

Read the Mischievous Life series here!

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True to his word, Loki's there when Jade wakes up – having not shut his eyes for a moment while his daughter slept the best she could.

However, you and Loki made a decision during the night, via text, that Jade needs some kind of professional help.

"What?" Jade scoffs as Loki tells her that he's taking her to see a therapist. "Dad...no. Hell no!"

Loki gives his daughter a sympathetic look. "Jade...we just want what's bes -,"

"No," Jade harshly cuts him off. "You just want me out of your hair."

The god sighs in frustration. "No, Jade," he argues. "You know damn well that's not true." Loki approaches his daughter and places his hands on her shoulders. "I can't stand seeing you like this...do you understand that I had to physically stop you from hanging yourself?"

The sixteen-year-old scoffs and turns her back to her dad – forcing him to let go of her. "It's just funny that you think I'm actually going to speak to some stranger."

Jade gives her dad the silent treatment the entire way to the doctor's office – angrily staring out the window – feeling disgusted with Loki's and your decision. Loki bites his fingernails the entire way – knowing that Jade is beyond angry with him, but he tells himself that you and he are doing what's best for her. Loki sits with Jade in the waiting room until her name is called. Begrudgingly, Jade gets up and walks towards the stranger that she's supposed to talk to. Jade being Jade – of course, she does nothing of the sort. The teenager sits on the large, comfy couch with her legs crossed – taking out her phone to scroll on social media and talk to some of her online friends about how angry she is with you and Loki. The therapist, whose name is Dr. Alice, talks to Jade anyway.

"Is there anything you'd like to ask, Jade?" Dr. Alice nicely asks the teen. Jade looks up at the doctor, scoffs, and rolls her eyes before going back to her phone. "Okay," Dr. Alice says with a calm smile. "That's fine...it's your first time...it's normal to be nervous."

Oh, honey, Jade thinks, if you only knew how furious I am at the thought of having to be here at 8:30 in the morning.

Dr. Alice continues to talk, and Jade continues to block her out – giggling at memes and posts she comes across on Tumblr – venting to her friend about the situation she's being forced into. Time goes by slow for Jade, but finally, she notices that she has thirty more minutes before she can leave.

And as soon as the clock strikes 10:30, Jade jumps up from the couch and rushes out into the lobby – storming past her father and out to the car. Loki gives the doctor a sympathetic look before turning and following his teenager.

"What was that?" Loki asks – becoming angry with Jade. Jade doesn't respond – choosing to bury herself in her phone instead. "Jade, I know you're mad," Loki continues calmly. "But...please, my love...please let us help you."

"Thanks for making me miss my trigonometry test," Jade mutters under her breath – looking out the window as Loki begins to take her to school. "How can you help me with that? I'm not allowed to do a make-up test."

Loki looks over to Jade when he comes to a red light. "I'll figure something out, okay? You'll be able to make it up."

Fifteen minutes later, Loki pulls up to Jade's school – the angry teen slamming the door to her father's Mercedes as she storms inside. Loki sits for a while – pondering what he can do to help her heal.

A thought occurs just before Loki is going to leave.

"Hello?" a female teacher calls out – hearing a knock on her door. She had been told minutes earlier that a parent wanted to meet with her. Loki approaches the math teacher – his hands behind his back and a fond smile on his face.

"Hello, Ms. Matthews," Loki begins nicely. "I'm Loki...Jade's father. I would like to talk to you about how Jade can make up her trigonometry test that she missed this morning."

Ms. Matthews motions for Loki to sit down in the chair across from her desk.

"Jade's a fantastic student," she smiles at the god. "But I'm afraid I don't give make-up tests." Her tone is sympathetic – making it seem like she wishes she could help. "Jade's grade only went down to a 92% from a 100% with the zero for the test, but I'm sure she'll be just fine."

Loki takes a deep breath. "My daughter didn't miss it because she overslept or decided to skip class."

"I make it very clear at the beginning of each school year that -,"

"I'm the reason she missed it," Loki interrupts – practically pleading with the teacher. "You know what Jade's gone through...she needs something in her life to go right for once. Her grade being affected so much will break her heart, and honestly, I'm sick and tired of seeing my little girl's heart broken. Something that may seem small and insignificant to you may not be to someone else." By this point, the God of Mischief has tears in his eyes – trying as hard as he can to fight them back. "Honestly, I don't think she even cares about the grade. She needs something to help her feel better about herself...and math does that."

About half an hour later, Jade is walking into the cafeteria when she's halted by the sight in front of her.

It's Loki.

He's sitting at a table with no one else around.

"You've gotta be kidding me," Jade mumbles under her breath – pulling out her phone to text her friend and let her know how insane her dad is being. "Why the fuck are you here?" she asks herself.

As Jade tries to slip out of the cafeteria, she's approached by one of her friends.

"Hey, Jade?" her friend, Sarah, calls out to the goddess. "Um, so, what's up with your dad over there? Why's he crying?"

Jade's heart drops at the knowledge that her father is crying. Not only is he crying, but he's doing it in public...not caring who sees him.

Jade slowly approaches the table that Loki is sitting at. His elbows are on the table, and he's crying quietly as his hands block his eyes – letting his tears drop onto the blue table.

Carefully and quietly, Jade sits down in the chair across from her dad. "Daddy?"

#loki laufeyson #loki fanfic #loki fandom #dad!loki #loki x reader #loki x you #mischievous life #ongoing series #requests open #send requests #loki family #jade lokisdottir #interactive story #loki angst

[lacependragon]

Don’t fucking reblog this, ‘kay? Or start shit on my post.

I need to talk about this. I just. I need to speak because I’m just upset and angry and hurt and betrayed and I need to fucking vent.

How dare you.

How. Fucking. Dare. You.

THREE YEARS.

So many people look up to you and adored you and wanted to meet you. I spent my darkest days in a university dorm room watching your streams, all the videos you were in. I went back YEARS. I used to rewatch the Off Topics you were on because they helped me SO MUCH.

THREE YEARS.

There was a point in my life where the ONLY reason I didn’t hurt myself was because I wanted to be able to meet you one day, give you a hug, and tell you how much you helped me get through those days.

And that’s all gone. Almost the entire time I was watching you, you were actually scum.

People keep saying “Oh he made a mistake. People make mistakes.”

Cheating isn’t one fucking mistake. It’s multiple mistakes. Dozens. Hundreds. It’s a decision you make every time you open your phone. Every time you snap a picture or open a text you shouldn’t.

THREE FUCKING YEARS. THREE. MOTHER. FUCKING. YEARS.

You betrayed your wife. Your children. Your friends. Your family. Your fans. You looked them in the eye and you lied to them over and over again. You used your power to coerce, to take advantage of. And I don’t give a fuck if they sent those pictures first. I don’t give a fuck if they “consented”. You’re in a position of power and it’s your job to be a good fucking person.

And you weren’t. You just fucking weren’t.

You betrayed everyone in your god damn life.

And for what? Some pictures of barely legal women rubbing themselves off while they moaned your name? If you were so hard up for pictures of naked women, go on Reddit. There’s whole subreddits dedicated to that and I would bet money some of those women have Achievement Hunter tattoos.

THREE YEARS.

THREE YEARS.

THREE YEARS.

This isn’t one mistake. This isn’t something you come back from. You hurt so many people and your “apology” had more space to say you hadn’t broken the law (except if some things are true, you so fucking did. LIAR) than to actually apologizing.

THREE YEARS.

Through Hardcore Tabletop. Hardcore Mini Golf. Through RTXs and PAXs and live shows and so much. Through every fucking kiss you ever gave to a colleague at RT.

“I’m sorry.” LIAR.

You’re not sorry you did it. You’re sorry you got caught.

LIAR.

LIAR.

LIAR.

THREE YEARS.

And for what? In the end, the fucking people you were so determined to destroy your life over ratted you out.

Whatever comes next in your life, whatever your family chooses to do, you fucking deserve it.

I thought you were one of the good ones. And I am horrified at how much this has shaken my trust in your ex-coworkers.

Because they deserve better than the blight you’ve left on them.

THREE YEARS.

Go to hell.

#lace speaks #vent // #3 #4 #5 #achievement hunter #rt #ah #do / not / reblog /

[beizhuo]

alright folks , i made this post last night about amending my carrd rules . & now , after calming somewhat down from getting sick to my stomach about it , i must now make one final update post about this to make people really & fully understand where i stand . why ? because i am , once again , having / needing to finely comb through the people i want to follow & interact with due to some very , VERY toxic behavior & terrible , childish individuals that think its real cute to stalk , harrass , steal , & gatekeep folks . 

understand that i will NOT be namedropping anybody in this post . this is not my intention . i am not out here to isolate folks or make people ‘ chose sides ’ . making people do that is absolutely horrible ! i do not give a damn who other people interact with . i do , however have extreme issues with theft ( amongst other things ) . i can draw a god damn line at theft ! 

harassment ? don’t care . you’re trolling , i can ignore you . gatekeeping . you’e petty and attention seeking im here for friends anyway . but actual literal theft - i can draw a line there . please get out & OFF MY BLOG if you are so unoriginal that you haveta steal from me or my friends !

please know that you can interact with those thieves & gatekeepers , i don’t care ! but understand that i will most likely softblock you because i genuinely do not want them to find me . no hard feelings . ( they have found my other 2 blogs , and i am tired of them finding me ! especially for baizhu ! i don’t even follow some of my friends here cause of this ! ) i am not even in the genshin community to begin with . my group ? we don’t do communities for toxic behavior and people being so exclusive to the point of driving people out & away . its distasteful and mean ! do you know that i have some friends that were cut off from communities entirely all because they were a dupe ? tHAT is the kind of dupe drama i fucking hate . along with theft . anyway . i will start from the beginning of my rules that i deem important .

DUPLICATES . ( AND MIMICRY / THEFT )

the irony that this is the first point . it is like it was a wonderful transition . anyway . this is actually having to deal with two rule points . and i want to group them together cause they are related .

myself & a few other people have come to find out that .... there is somebody AT THE VERY LEAST taking inspo from us . i will start with dupes .

my friend has a character and was WHOLLY mistaken for another mun . which is fine . that happens , but things took a turn for the worse when they were then shunned / cut off because they werent ‘ good enough ’ . do you know how HORRIBLE that is ? to be told that you aren’t good because you weren’t the mun that they wanted ? this is the type of shit i cannot stand with dupe drama . DO NOT EVER COMPARE DUPES WITH ONE ANOTHER !!! i mean it . 

i follow different childes ! and you know what i adore them both . they are both amazing ! 

sure i may have my mains / exclusives ( and im not inclined to interact with other blogs of that same character ) but i still like portrayals . i do , in fact , just READ threads sometimes . i don’t necessarily follow for interactions . like ffs man . i like variety . jesus christ .

going to mimicry / theft . you know ... i have fucking seen this with a couple of friends . there is a difference between coincidental similarities , however ! for myself & for my friends , we have SEEN inspo taken from us . im gonna say this really loud for people .

MIMICRY IS NOT FUCKING FLATTERY . 

do not take inspo from me . especially without credit . absolutely do NOT do it . you are very unoriginal for doing that shit . 

now , you like something i make / made ? you are inspired to want to make something ? fine , that’s okay , you can ALSO fucking ask me , you can also credit me . as you fucking should ! you can notify me and go , damn , i really like your style , do you mind if i use it in xyz ? sure , go right ahead . do it . im begging you , go ahead and do it IF YOU FUCKING ASK ME . god im so fucking angry about this , but this is some vile shit . and im angry .

i am angry and terrified cause i literally cannot get away from these people cause they seem to be wherever i go . i DO NOT DO COMMUNITIES BECAUSE OF THIS .

as a good friend said : it’s like they are a virus that you cannot get rid of .

thats what happens with attention seekers unfortunately , but for the sake of my safety & health , i will not have it on my blog or dash . if i see these people on my dash often , i will unfollow .

and it isn’t like a specific person , its a GROUP of people . which leads me to my next point .

DRAMA / CALLOUTS.

imagine having beef with an individual , and then going around and gatekeeping that individual and getting people to unfollow / block them . im not talking about , ‘ hey this person is vile because they ship incest ’ . i am talking about ‘ i had a disagreement with this person & they hurt my feelings >:/ they are mean and will hurt you . etc etc etc . ’ 

i do not give a flying fuck about somebodies issues with another person . so you guys don’t get along . not my problem . i have people that hate me . i have friends where i hate their friends . shit happens . i am probably absolute scum to some people lol . i get mistaken for other people sometimes . it’s fine , hate me cause you think im that person . that person is snowflake repellent anyway , go choke on your kool aide that you are drinking ig . 

okay sorry i am angry but still . people claim and cry about wanting to talk & communicate . but then . guess what . sometimes shitty people are like , so this person said this to me , and they are mean . IF YOU ARE THE PERSON THAT GOES ‘ OH MY GOD HOW DARE THEY ’ AND BLOCK THEM THEN YOU ARE THE PROBLEM . i will give an example . of using my two names that i have .

somebody goes to amphy and says ‘omg ghost said this , and im frustrated and angry with them cause what he said was uncalled for . ’ if amphy goes ‘ omg ghost is shitty ’ and then unfollows / blocks them without any other discussion , then thats an issue cause ghost has no idea wtf happen . amphy got involved in YOUR relationship with ghost even though ghost has been nothing but kind and sweet to you . you also don’t know if amphy is just victimising or being emotional either . so why they fuck would you believe somebody who is venting to you about it and then block somebody who did literally NOTHING to you .

i dont know if i explained that correctly but i will give you something more realistic , again without namedropping .

i have a few friends that hate one another . i’ve known all of them for years . but they all , i kid you not , they ALL fucking hate each other . there’s three of them . and they cannot stand each other . i just happen to be somebody who gets along with all of them . you bet your ass that at one point , they all came to talk mad shit about the others . what did i do ? i went , oh okay . well im sorry that you have issues with them . sounds like a bad experience , but i can’t do anything about that cause i am not you and i am not them . if you are gonna change my mind , it isn’t gonna happen , sorry !

i have had people shit talk people i have no idea who they are , and i just sit here just being a source for them to vent , but i never NEVER EVER act on anything i hear . why ? cause its petty drama and gossip . if you do that , then damn , sorry kiddo , get some help on that alright ? maybe be nicer . i dunno .

now . racism ? pedophilia ? incest ? HARMFUL SHIT ? that’s different . but again , theres a lot of miscommunication . i have people coming and pulling the cards like they are hot shit  and that isn’t fucking cute . THAT ISN’T CUTE GUYS . you are the problem if you try to victimize yourself cause of something YOU misinterpreted .

i have a friend that has this on their blog .

i am literally going off on a god damn tangent . anyway . :) 

fuck you if drink kool aide .

THERE ARE OTHER MENTAL DISORDERS! YOU ARE ABLEIST IS YOU ERASE THE OTHER (UN)COMMON ONES.

i know that autism is the ‘common’ one here . you are valid okay . but guess what . ADHD , BPD, DiD, and straight up depression and anxiety are also things as well ! there are MANY folks here that are also undiagnosed as well OR they lay on some sort of spectrum as well . I am once again not going to disclose my own things here cause again THAT IS PRIVATE INFO , but fuck you if you refuse to see other disabilities .

also there are physical disabilities as well btw .

if you are not understanding of any other disability , or you wanna mute / deafen other mental disorders , YOU ARE THE FUCKING PROBLEM .

end of story . 

treat other people how you want them to treat you and don’t you dare ever shove your baggage at them . thanks . 

please be more understanding that some people are not okay:tm: . 

i implore you to get help if you need help , but sometimes some people dont have to take your shit . and they most certainly do not need to sit and take your issues if they are not okay either . its toxic and very unhealthy behavior to expect others to help you . they can help you as best as they can , but you need to understand that everybody has their moments . do not guilttrip them . do not gaslight them . 

but also understand that sometimes , people are saying things cause they genuinely need help ! you can be there for them but as a friend , you need to also tell them your own boundaries as well and tell them that they need to seek professional help .

but also , if somebody refuses to get help , then that is on them . not on you . 

anyway another tangent , but back to the point . autism , while you need to understand is something you need to see and understand , is not the only mental disorder ! and you need to understand that some people suffer from really REALLY shitty things and are sometimes undiagnosed . i am really REALLY tired of depression , ADHD , BPD, and DiD getting brushed under the rug like they are not important . cause guess what , there are spectrums ! all mental health is important . fuck you if you disregard the other disorders , you are being ableist .

STOP HATE READING PEOPLE.

im really sick and tired of this . you don’t like something somebody said ? you can either : ask what they meant or block / unfollow them . 

DO NOT FUCKING STALK THEM EITHER . 

you have an obsession if you hover on their blog too .. do not do that . that is SO unhealthy for you . here is what a friend said on twitter . ( not name dropping them , just copy pasting them )

❛ i stg people need to fine a better hobby than to hate read a persons blog or profile. not a good look on you when you go and read what they post about just to get angry at something you think they said and then you go off spewing lies about it cause 'youre offended.'  

like you already hate them in the first place. you weren’t 'looking to see if they were a better person.' youre just looking to find another thing to hate about them. 

that is what hate reading is about. so you can read their posts and find just another reason to hate and laugh at how bad you think they are.

but it doesnt make you a better person. it just makes you a sad person with no life. stop hate reading people. grow tf up. go breathe on some plants or something idk.

i say this very loud and clear . if you hate read me , i live in your head rent free . not my problem . but it does become my problem if you begin to steal shit and start spewing lies about myself or my friends . grow up and move on with your life . sorry my life seems more interesting than you ig . idk .

anway this got long , and at this point i am going off on a tangent but !!!!

TL ; DR

read my rules ig . idk .

you can dm me for more info if you want . at this point i have blocked the problem blogs for myself. if you are curious you can ask . HOWEVER. i am not going to tell you to block or unfollow . why ? cause at the end of the day , it is MY beef . this are my issues . i am NOT here to gatekeep .

i will say that i will tell you IN private the for MY story . but keep in mind that it is MY story . not yours . not theirs . it is all about perception .

my perception is that they are scummy gatekeeping thieves . they gatekeep the people they dont like or are intimidated by . i am somebody who fucking bites and calls people out on their shit , because of this ? i make enemies . but my enemies are not yours . i dont care .  dont give a damn . i am intimidating to people who are cowards and i don’t care . 

if they feel bad when i call them out , if they try to go around and do damage control , then that means they are guilty .

and then you can ask yourself this : why are they reacting like that ?

i am once again going to bring up that other twitter user that i quoted before .

❛  you dont like hearing that because someone is holding a mirror up to you and it makes you uncomfortable because you know you . and you know the parts of you that are good . so in your heart you have to come up with a narrative that makes you feel better about the fact that somebody is asking your to confront the parts about yourself that you hate the most .

anyway . this got long . im so sorry for the long read . im so sorry i sounded hostile ad angry . im just volatile sometimes . im just really tired . and i dont need to come on this blog and have a panic attack . 

anyway . cheers loves ! stay happy , stay healthy . drink your fluids . take your meds !

#long post. #update tbd. #ooc tbd. #// i have no idea what else to tag this tbh . #there is drama mentions though so there is that i guess ? #but this is all important so ... #anyway ... #read / skim this or perish 🔪 #also if you wanna like this to let me know you read / agree with this go ahead . #im not checking for typos i am tired .

[theropoda]

3, 4, 6-8, 11, 13-17, 19-22, 26-30 uwu

WOO LAD THAT’S A LOT THANK U!!! this got long and i wrote an essay or two LOL so im putting it under a readmore!

3: Best game you’ve ever played? WEEEELLLL.......let me preface this with two things: one, i am a FAKE GAMER as in my laptop is not at all made for gaming, it’s piss poor, so a big chunk of games i’m interested in is because i watched a playthrough of them lol. i have a 3ds but only 3 games on it (animal crossing new leaf, tomodachi life, nintedogs & cats). second, i’m very bad at choosing favorites of things.....BUUUUT .....i choooooose, in no particular order, OFF, pigeonetics, elder scrolls oblivion, pathologic classic HD!! i’m more than likely forgetting a few though, so sorry about that

4: Worst game you’ve ever played? as i said above, cannot choose favorites, neither can i choose whatever the opposite of favorites is but...uhh, does lif even count as a game? like lif, the stupid little furry flash game i remember playing on some shady website. it was surprisingly very active with a BUNCH of people there but i kept dying like every 5 seconds....AWFUL

6: A game that’s changed you the most? WELL define Changed.....ummm aha first thing that comes to mind is OFF. it’s one of those things where you never knew you wanted something so fucking bad until you saw it--and it’s like that for me. i NEVER knew i loved that odd, surreal, colorful, “looks playful and simple in some parts but incredibly violent and unnerving in other parts” aesthetic til i played it. like aesthetically i love that game to BITS and something about it just stuck with me til the end of time.

later in life (meaning, past year or so) it changed me because it taught me a lesson about storytelling and creative endeavors. a very useful lesson. which is: things don’t really need to have a meaning. stories, art, music, writing, whatnot, while it CAN be deep and meaningful, while you CAN use it as a way to communicate with the world about all kinds of heartfelt things, it can also be...nothing, really.

once i, as usual, got ridiculously overwhelmingly sad about small things. specifically seeing other people around me come up with all kinds of deep and meaningful characters and stories, sometimes putting them into webcomics or writings of theirs, and they were all so well-thought out and detailed and what i envied most was people put a lot of themselves and their experiences into them, venting and coping through them, whilst also making these larger-than-life grandiose complex stories and worlds and so on and so forth.

it made me look at my own ideas and get mad/frustrated at how shallow they were. but then i remembered OFF and i felt better because Fun Fact, mortis ghost has a now-abandoned dA account and if you go through the comment section on his profile, he answers a lot of fan questions and he mentions several times that the game didn’t really have a “meaning”, it didn’t really have a “deeper story” or moral or anything, really. i’m paraphrasing this but i vividly remember him saying “i wanted to make a game, so i did”.

that made me feel a lot better because it made me realise that sometimes art--especially stories, in my case-- doesn’t NEED to be DEEP or have MEANING...sometimes it can just BE!!!! sometimes it really can just be all about AESTHETICS like who GIVES a shit if there’s a hidden meaning if you take the first letter of all of your characters’ names and put them backwards, sometimes all that matters is if they just VIBE with you y’know....

yume nikki is similar in this regard bc that game doesn’t have any story other than “collect egg” and yet it’s so impactful. that game doesn’t have a story or meaning it just IS........ :) GOD THATS SO LONG IM SORRY ABOUT THAT but yeah. funny violent ghostbusting baseball man is a game that changed me :)

7: A game you’ll never forget? OFF AGAIN LOL,,, it’s just so memorable because of how unique it is. visuals, soundtrack, story, everything is so memorable. unforgettable. oh god you can tell how much i love this damn game can’t you

8: Best soundtrack? yakuza 0, OFF, there is a picture (another game by mortis ghost, again composed by alias conrad coldwood who also composed OFF), pigeonetics (the entire soundtrack of which is here), jojo’s bizarre adventure all star battle and eyes of heaven, silent hill 2 & 3, undertale....probably forgetting more but all of these...earcandy

11: Hardest game you’ve played? i am a shitty gamer so this is Most games i’ve played lol!! but uhh..well you see. hardest game i remember playing as of recent is pathologic classic hd in which it’s...not only hard to understand what any character is saying at any given time lol but also, i don’t think it’s HARD it’s just...you need to focus. you REALLY need to fucking focus and pay attention in this game. so i wouldn’t say its HARD, but i’m only putting this here bc it’s in recent memory.

i say recent memory because the true answer is susceptible to “yeah, but now you’re older, it must not be so hard.” as in if i played it now i think i’d have a way easier time. but when i was around....10-12 years old i had several ps3 video game adaptations of animated movies and i had SUCH a fucking hard time with them. g-force, bolt and up in particular were fucking HARD. like genuinely, the hardest time i had EVER had in my live playing video games is tied to these three fucking games. g-force and bolt ESPECIALLY. one particular level in bolt took both me AND my sister around a year to fucking finish.

again, i was baby, so i bet i’d have a much easier time with them now that i’m 17. but for now, in my experience, bolt and g-force for the ps3 were harder than pathologic classic. i think icepick lodge should take a few notes for them for pathologic 2.

13: A game you were the most excited for when it wasn’t released yet? STREETS OF KAMUROCHO...i spent the entire day of its release anticipating its launch lol

14: A game you think would be cool if it had voice acting? hmm..most games i like and know about do have voice acting so i dunno....i guess it would’ve been kind of cool if morrowind had like, full proper voice acting. but i can understand why it only voice acted things like greetings and battle insults because GOD that game is SO...complicated...and as a result, the conversations are so lengthy and text-full. playing morrowind is really like a goddamn book! if it was voice acted i’m sure all that information would have to be shortened bc i know no one is going to fucking voice act two whole paragraphs

15: Which two games do you think would make an awesome crossover? pigeonetics and yakuza in which instead of being about the criminal underworld it’s about shady and unethical pigeon clubs, breeding, racing, etc etc...a lot of illegal shit does happen in the world of pigeons especially when it comes to racing; prized racers have been kidnapped and held for ransom before. and then there’s Avian Cucking: The Sport, where people breed the sexiest pigeons (horseman thief pouters), release them outside to seduce other people’s sexy pigeons, and bring them back and keep ‘em, drama ensues. will kiryu ever escape his past as a professional pigeon-napper, and find solace in his new life as a pigeon hobbyist? find out now by playing YACOOZA......

JOKES ASIDES i don’t know i really don’t....umm, pigeonetics and animal crossing somehow?? :O... like, instead of managing your own town it’s managing your own loft!...orrrr, the jojo games (all star battle & eyes of heaven) with yakuza, because i think they’re somewhat similar because they’re both haha Wacky Silly AND serious over the top fighty-fighting.....or maybe a crossover with OFF and discover my body, which, despite being an incredibly short and obscure indie game i still love to bits for what it’s worth. WAIT ANIMAL CROSSING AND MINECRAFT THAT WOULD FUCK SO HARD OH MY GOD

16: Character you’ve hated most? From what game? i can’t think of any character i like, HATE...with a burning passion.. there are a few i dislike or have a complicated relationship with though.. i’m not interested in the series anymore but ouma from drv3...i’ll admit that he is a bit fun sometimes, especially in the very early beginning he’s a likeable brat but as the game progresses he becomes more irritating than anything and i have an issue with him in regards to writing, despite the fact that i have never been awake in any english class ever lol. it’s too long to put in this already long post but i’ll keep it at that. if you like him, well, good for you for finding joy in something i couldn’t! but he just doesn’t do it for me.

AH I JUST REMEMBERED....MINE......FROM YAKUZA 3....maybe i’d change my mind if i watched a playthrough of y3 again, because i think you always absorb something better on your second watch (tho i honestly Dont have the energy to do that all over again, the yakuza games are too fucking long), but i really hate his writing. spoilers for y3 but, i think mine’s writing, alongside other things in the game, were super messy...and a big part of why i hate him is that not only is he one of those “could’ve had great potential but fell flat” sorta guys but also his love for daigo is seen as some fans as good gay rep and i?????/.............um....WELL let’s just say that, i think people nowadays will see any gay character ever in any circumstance and say it’s good gay rep just based off the fact that A Gay Character exists....he was Not, good gay rep imo....he was not, let alone, Good. .........

17: What game do you never tell people you play? can’t think of any games i wouldn’t tell people i play.. idk exactly what this question’s asking. does it mean what game you don’t tell ppl you play bc you’re embarrassed about it...? i’m not very embarrassed by any of them. the only thing that comes close, i guess, is uhh lioden and wolvden. i’ve only interacted with those communities a LITTLE TINY WEE BIT, yet of what i’ve seen it’s a goddamn dumpster fire and i’d never want to be associated with them lol

19: Which game do you think deserves a revival? i’m well aware it’ll never happen and that it’s more a wet dream than anything but...PT/silent hills..... on a more realistic/”could happen” note, PIGEONETICS!!!! SERIOUSLY, it’s an amazing game about amazing animals and it teaches genetics in a very simplified and efficient way!! genetics is SO hard for me to understand, i fucking hated studying it but this game really helped me understand how it works AND its super engaging and interesting!! HOWEVER, of all the pigeon genes we know of, only a handful were seen in pigeonetics and i’d LOVE a sequel that employs new game mechanics AND new genes!! i wanna learn about bronze and stencil genes! i wanna learn about phenotypes like grizzled and pied!!! genes like sooty and dirty!!! @ UNIVERSITY OF UTAH GENETICS DEPARTMENT PLEASE IM BEGIGNG YOU

20: What was the first video game you ever played? earliest memories of Gaming involves me at my aunt’s house playing two games: super mario brothers and some kind of trapeze game. i don’t remember anything else though

21: How old were you when you first played a video game? i can’t remember but i must’ve been REAL tiny.... 6-9 years, maybe??

22: If you could immerse yourself in any game for one day, which game would it be? What would you do? immerse myself meaning go into their world...? huh....on one hand i’d like to go in the world of yakuza 0 to play in the arcades and do whore related activities but i’d also love to go into the world of animal crossing (and i’m pretty sure i’d be some sort of generic dromaeosaurid in that game!!) and shop, chat with villagers, do chores for them, go fishing, bug hunting, eat delicious fucking food like the apples mangos peaches cherries etc etc.....OH AND FOSSIL HUNTING THAT’S THE BEST PART!! though it would definetly be a little weird, to be a little dinosaur and finding a fossil of a...little dinosaur....i guess the non-sentient species went extinct and the dinosaur i am is some kind of, descendant of a sapient non-avian dinosaur that survived the k-pg extinction event...oh but who cares all i want is a cool little ambulocetus fossil or something. and some cherry pie :)

26: Handheld or console? my old ps3 just went kaput one day years ago so i haven’t used it in years so i can’t compare well... but i’d say handheld, because it lets me like DO stuff more...would love to get a console one day, a ps4 maybe but i’m kinda worried it’ll make me stay in one room all day wasting away my time when there’s other stuff i can do, y’know? but something handheld like my 3ds, on the other hand...i can do stuff with it. i can take it to my room and play it between breaks i take as i clean the room and fold my clothes, i can watch something on the tv and play the game during ad breaks, i can take it outside too if it has charge to last me a while! so....handheld i guess

27: Has there ever been a moment that has made you cry? yakuza 0 and undertale in particular have ALMOST made me fucking bawl with many of its moments....yakuza 0 especially, after that Fucking Ending i had trouble sleeping because oh my fucking god. video game people SAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

28: Which character’s clothes do you wish you owned the most?

29:  Which is more important, gameplay or story? HMMM....well, if i were to play a game with a shitty story but really good and fun gameplay i’d probably continue playing it for the gameplay. but if i played a game with shitty gameplay but an interesting story, there is a chance i’d play it more for the sake of the story but also i might just quite and see the rest of the story on youtube or something. i’m more likely to go through a boring story for fun gameplay than go through boring gameplay for an interesting story, so i guess gameplay is more important to me....that is, WHEN i actually own and play a game as opposed to when i just watch someone play a game because i don’t own the game but wanna know abt the story lol

30: A game that hasn’t been localized in your country that you think should be localized? i have no idea how video game localization really works....but i assume localizing a game in india would mean something like, removing content according to cultural norm and also somehow translating it into the 22 official languages..? or just two or three language if it’s tied to a particular state, which seems way more doable. i honestly have no idea? i’ve never interacted w the indian gaming community that much to be honest, all i know of it is of the video games i’ve seen sold in some game stores and a few whispers about like solid snake or whoever from my school’s cafeteria....the most popular games here, to my knowledge, are those very streamable games like fortnite and PUBG and your call of duties and whatnot. those generic shooters. and even then, that honestly isn’t the “indian” gaming community bc this country is so FUCKHUGE, it’s just tamil nadu. one state.

soooo, according to what little i know of gaming interests in where i live, i don’t think any of the games i like should be localized here bc i don’t really think there’s an audience for it as far as i can tell :( maybe animal crossing? it’s a fun little games for all ages and i think it has a chance of becoming popular here, so maybe that is worth a shot! but i can’t think of any other game that i like that really has an audience here (other than Me lol)

#asks #stommevrouw #THANK U EVIE THIS WAS SO FUNNNNNNN #WOOF haha this made me tired #im probably hitting the bed now! thank u!!

[briinstardust]

okay so here we go. We’ll just start with some baseline. bear with me here.

Evan’s ready to come back to work, he suffers a medical emergency leading him to need to go onto blood thinners, and we are not told for how long he needs to be on them.

The problem starts here, Bobby visits Buck in the hospital. and sometime after this encounter decides that Buck is not ready to be in the field. Okay. he’s on blood thinners and doesn’t need to be in the field. period.

Evan is on light duty, as the new Fire Marshall and seems to be happy doing it. Evan stops by the firehouse to drop off the report of the 118′s fire drill. While at the firehouse Evan sees Lena Bosko, and some jealousy flares inside him. From context, we’re lead to believe it’s a jealousy that she’s “taking his place”, okay. fine. We know Evan has abandonment issues. Evan see’s Lena’s made herself comfortable in Buck’s locker. Okay. I can see why Buck is feeling jealous, and see why it feels, to Buck, like his place is being filled with someone else. fine.

This is where we see the rise of the problem. Bobby, okay yes they got a call and had to leave. He could have said, to Buck, there was something important he needed to talk to him about, and told him to call him later? idk, a conversation, a something, to let Buck know he needed to talk to him.

instead what we get is Athena assuming Bobby did the thing he said he was going to do, bc why would she need to think her husband didn’t do the thing he said he was going to do.

So Buck sees this lawyer, this lawyer is a monster. This lawyer preys on Buck. (We’ll come back to this point, I promise. pt.2) We see Buck stand up for himself, and for his team, and his family. “You want to know who’s got my back? They do. They’re more than co-workers, or friends. They’re my family. There is nothing stronger than family.” Evan Buckley says these words to a lawyer who is an absolute monster.

Okay so here are the actual events that happened.

Bobby now with no choice but to confront Buck, and no longer on his own terms, blames his wife, saying “I still can’t believe that you invited him without talking to me first.” to which Athena replies, “I just wanted him to know, that no matter what, he’s still family. Thought dinner would give you two time to work things out.” Assuming Bobby told him, and didn’t want Buck to feel “Thrown aside” for lack of a better word. So when Athena calls Buck to invite him to dinner, Buck accepts, and this is all under the impression that Buck knows what happened with the Chief and everything. Athena refers to him as family. (reference above. this is a mutual feeling.) Athena is trying to build a bridge here, for Evan, to show him he is not alone, just bc he cannot come back to work yet. Athena says “It sounds like you’re taking your health very seriously,” looking at her husband. an indication that she thinks Evan is mature enough to handle being spoken to like an adult. Evan starts spiraling, like he does, leading Bobby to proclaim, “I’m the dumbass. You’re not ready. That’s what I told them, when they asked.” But bc Bobby did not have this conversation with Buck before now, Evan is all up in his feelings when Bobby drops the bomb at the dinner table. This leads to Evan becoming very upset, and leaving the dinner table, and we assume he goes home, all up in his feelings.

The next scene is Evan in the monster’s office.  Evan says, “I’m not sure we have much to say to each other right now, anyways.” and I’m going to talk about this (my feelings ahead.)

Holy Shit. Evan. Is this what we’re doing? Okay Evan. Are you sure? Are you fucking sure about that? You don’t have much to say about anything, to the members of the 118. I’m sorry, not your co-workers, Not your friends, but your fucking family, and you don’t have much of anything to say to them right now? 

This man is entirely up in his feelings, his feelings towards Bobby, I mind you, and has for some reason I’m still unable to grasp, associated the rest of his family with Bobby Nash. Eddie Diaz, Henrietta Wilson, Howie Han, are now all associated with Bobby Nash, and are no longer individual humans who have individual relationships with Evan Buckley. This is how I’ve interpreted this statement by Evan Buckley.

So because Evan has forgotten these people are individual humans, he then says “I’m alone in this fight” to which I have to say. Are you alone Evan? Do you not have a sister who takes care of you? Do you not have a best friend with a kid, you could vent to about how unreasonable Bobby is being? Do you not have a healthy friendship with Henrietta Wilson and her wife, Karen Wilson, who both show you love and support? Do you not have a friend who you’ve known for years, who also happens to date your sister, and who has been on the same side of Bobby’s decision making, that you are on now? But you are alone in this fight. Ok.

So Buck is all up in his feelings, and the lawsuit ensues. Bobby Nash, then tries to blame his wife, for some shit that she literally had nothing to do with, “None of this would have happened if you hadn’t invited him over to dinner”. And I just need to know, what the actual fuck am I watching right now? bc in what goddamn universe is Athena Grant at all to blame for Buck being all up in his feelings? She was trying to build a bridge here, which she might have been able to do, if Bobby had actually had a conversation with Buck, like an adult, if he hadn’t treated Buck like a child (even if he was treating him like an adult child, still a child none the less), and talked to him about his concerns with Buck’s medial situation. Hell, if he’d talked to Buck at all. period. then dinner might have gone differently.

So we’ve all seen that arbitration scene, so I’ll just touch on a couple of things. bc we still have a long way to go.

Evan Buckley is suing the LAFD, on the grounds of Discriminatory and unequal treatment on the part of Captain Nash. upon hearing this, Bobby replies, “I don’t treat Buck any differently than any other firefighter on my watch.” And Sir, this is false. (I touched on this a little already, and we’ve all seen the scene and know what evidence they produce, so I’m gonna move on).

I just need to say that Henrietta Wilson couldn’t have been more supportive, in this situation, given the restrictions that she has, with what she can and can’t say, so I have absolutely nothing to comment on with her answer of, “Every patient is different. Every injury is different.” except, that I agree.  We know what the monster then says, and we already know how I feel about the monster (so see the referenced quote again, if you’re unsure)

I just need to address the hurt, and disappointment on Eddie’s face rn. Eddie is sitting across this table from Buck, and Evan Buckley has his head hung with shame. The only interview in which Buck starts with his head turned down in shame. Evan is trying his damn hardest not to look Eddie Diaz in his eyes. This man has shame all over his face.

“It does make me understand the chain of command” he says, looking directly at Buck. When Buck feels Eddie’s eyes on him and he turns his eyes up and meet’s Eddie’s. Just wow. It is already very clear to me how upset Eddie is with Evan. More than anything, this reads to me like hurt feelings. (will reference again. Pt.2.)

Buck has Eddie out here in some arbitration bullshit, like Eddie Diaz, doesn’t have other things to fucking do today. They are looking at each other across from this table, while they’re having a wordless fight with each other. The body language on these two? And it’s not even so much of a fight, than it is Eddie looking at Buck and thinking this is incredibly impulsive, and selfish behavior, and you took this entirely too far, and Eddie now has to deal with the fallout of this behavior. (this will get referenced again. Pt 2.)

Buck just doesn’t want to look at Eddie at all. The monster asks Eddie if he was ready to return to work after his wife’s death, Evan’s eyes are looking absolutely anywhere but across the table at Eddie. Absolutely anywhere else.

Bobby will the the last thing we address in this post, we’re gonna have to do a part 2, bc this was entirely too long. Bobby.

Buck’s look of absolute shock and horror, when that monster said “alcoholism”. the second that word left his mouth, Buck’s face was. oh my god. The shock is indescribable. and now Buck is so disappointed in himself. The eyes, His eyes. He looks like he’s 100% about to cry. The eyes, the lip tremble.

I will note that Bobby is giving Buck a look. Buck takes this look that Bobby is giving him, and the disappointment spreads all over Buck’s face.

um I feel like maybe I need to reference back to 1.04 here bc it gets referenced, Buck says maybe ask for help sometime, and Bobby does. Buck helps him without a second thought. He actually did everything within his power to help Bobby return to his job, as Fire Captain. Twice. (I am also referring to the suspension here yes.)

#9-1-1 rewatch #so these are lawsuit feelings and thoughts and opinnions #text post #long post #long text post #very long post #very long text post #this is long #Evan Buckley must have a terrible memory bc he out here forgetting shit #Ok Evan. I hear you. but this tantrum you're throwing isn't helping your case. #someone else describe the shock on Buck's face bc I can't #Holy Shit #On another note. Bravo Oliver Stark. This acting. Bravo. Holy shit. This is great. #okay so I knew this would be long but it's must longer than I actually anticipated so I'll be talking about the rest of this in a part two #so just look for it #if you want to keep reading my thoughts and feelings of course #I also have additional feelings about the Bobby look that I was unable to pinpoint and process #9-1-1 episode discussions #9-1-1

[comradekatara]

Pls tell me random things about the modern au

sure!

please keep in mind this is not chronologically-ordered because i am far too pomo for (scoff) linear narratives

(* = chell’s contributions)

suki drives a truck, and said truck is a legend

azula goes to harvard, despite her objectively terrible character (ohhhh shots fired!!!!) 

zuko doesn’t try very hard in school, because he knows that if he were to actually try, he would feel worse about azula being better than him (he’s not living under ozai’s roof––anymore––so it doesn’t matter) but it’s way too easy to trick her into taking naclo, which is where he shines. it drives her crazy that he won’t tell her his score. “you just wont tell me because you know i did better than you” “….maybe :)” “UGH ZUKO JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU GOT!!!!!!!!” 

the day before aang’s first day of high school, sokka gently tries to inform him that he is too old to be wearing heelies 

toph isn’t allowed on any sports teams due to her blindness, so she fights the administration every single day, and (physically) fights random people just for fun, and they so desperately want to punish her for it but she is a genius wunderkind pride & joy of their institution and they know that unless she gets really out of line, their hands are tied. but they still refuse to let her play sports 

“suki’s nervous because today’s the day of the Big Game,” sokka tells zuko. zuko can swear he said the same thing yesterday. and the day before that. and the day before that. it is always the day of the Big Game. when zuko asks katara about it she rolls her eyes and says, “don’t be stupid, the Big Game only happens once a year.” and so, the concept of sports continues to wear on his sanity 

azula’s all, “i swear to god, if sokka is valedictorian i will burn EVERYTHING to the GROUND” and zukos like “why do you even care youre not even in his class” (but it’s the PRINCIPLE of it, zuzu!!!!!!!) 

aang has a really big dog named appa, and a flying lemur named momo. no one questions this 

it is very apparent to everyone except for mai and zuko that mai and zuko are not happy together. mais not “in love” with “ty lee” what an idiotic thing to even suggest 

toph’s favorite joke is stumbling into nothing and then yelling “OW! watch where you’re going!” to which zuko sighs and says, “toph theres no one there” and tophs like “no i can swore i bumped into something” and zukos like “no. u didnt. u know u d––” “mustve been your closet, then. EYOOOOO” 

sokka refuses to admit to himself that the reason he “doesnt do” relationships is to keep himself from getting hurt (see: yue). katara not so gently reminds him that if he truly “didnt do” relationships, then why does suki practically live in her house. 

katara thinks clubs are stupid and school spirit is lame but then she finds out that their school doesn’t have a straight gay alliance so she starts one. no one joins except for toph, who just sits there in the corner and eats peanuts with a wide smile, staring straight ahead. 

in his senior year, aang finally gets to be the mascot the night of the Big Game. everyone comes back just to support him. zuko has not set foot in his hometown in at least three years, but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t support aang’s dreams. (plus he’s pretty sure katara would kill him if he didn’t.) once the Big Game starts (the first and only Big Game zuko ever attends), sokka notices zuko staring really intently at the field, and that he has been for about a half hour now. he’s like “whats….goin on??” and zuko mutters, “i’m trying to figure out what sport theyre playing.” sokkas just like “oh my god” 

suki and sokka miss their prom because they got too invested in their game of monopoly. toph humbly accepts their crowns in their place. the teachers are just like “wait who even let her in here isnt she a freshman” 

katara plays hockey. azula does track and kickboxing. they are both fierce, violent, and terrifying. both katara and azula tried to join suki’s roller derby team, but suki wisely rejected them both because they were, in her estimation, “not a good culture fit.” she told them the team was already full.*

zuko, suki and toph are in a band. their music is very lyrical and also very screamy (only suki and toph get to sing, natch). believe it or not, aang is their biggest fan. aang plays the triangle and the flute and the harp, which you might think would not exactly fit with their style, but they do invite him onstage for gigs sometimes and somehow the combination is excellent.*

katara is a mediocre student. zuko is great in his literature classes and his art classes and kind of tragic at everything else. nevertheless, they try to study together. mostly katara just comes over to zuko’s house and scuffs up his coffee tables and eats a lot of food out of the fridge. zuko considers this direct action against his terrible father, and he loves it*

azula is obsessed with sneakers. yeah that’s it that’s a whole bullet point*

suki’s truck is disgusting and made up of a seemingly boundless mess, but there are three recurring themes that are most apparent when you enter: weed, construction equipment for some weird building project she never tells anyone the details of, and other girls’ underwear*

katara thinks sokka is a narc for having gotten jet suspended. “he called in a BOMB THREAT, KATARA” 

sokka is the head of the science club. because he loves science. toph and suki are also in the science club. because they love watching (and listening to) things explode. 

everyone agrees that debate should be renamed “sokka and azula fight for 90 minutes.” azula spends a week drafting up a foolproof argument, manipulating the whole class into picking said topic, and then pretending its unrehearsed, and sokka spends no time in saying “nope. thats wrong.” on days where he chairs the debates, azula always wins because he’s forced to remain impartial, and no one else can out-debate her. it is on those days that he goes home and proceeds to rant about how everything azula said was wrong and why. 

katara and azula also fight, of course, but never in a structured setting. sometimes it ends in bloodshed. toph enjoys egging them on way too much. 

sokka is constantly misplacing his possessions. that is, when neither zuko nor suki are around to personally keep track of all his belongings. he loses his phone about twice a day. he’s checking the chem lab to see if he left his phone in there, but azula is already there, presumably to work on a lab. she offers to call his phone for him, and he types his number into her phone because she is too embarrassed to admit she already has his number (and a tracking device in place but thats not important). unfortunately, azula is the one to locate his phone, so she sees that her contact name is, “ZUKO’S SISTER??!??!!!!???!???!!??!!!!?” she has never been more offended in her entire life. 

katara is always threatening to beat up anyone who so much as looks at aang funny. no one would hurt aang, though. everyone loves aang. 

sokka loves art class. he also hates art class. he likes that he has a structured time and space in which to paint, and he loves painting. he hates that his paintings always turn out looking like wet garbage, especially compared to those of the guy who sits near him, who clearly is not even trying. he is the rich to sokka’s jeff. at least in sokka’s mind. sokka will oft complain about “that asshole who thinks he’s too good for art class,” but suki pays him no mind and rolls her eyes. until one day, when sokka and suki are being particularly annoying and making out in the middle of the hallway, which is particularly upsetting for zuko because a) that is Hot Guy From His Art Class and b) he will either have to wait for them to finish or politely ask them to move, as they are right in front of his locker. he says, “do you mind moving?” and he means this as politely as possible, but sokka is like “wow what a haughty bitch” so he just holds his index finger up as if to say “one second” and that is that is such an asshole move that zuko has no choice but to yell “what the fuck?!?” far too loudly. it leads to a kerfuffle that eventually lands them both in detention (suki was an innocent party and sokka is more than willing to take the fall for her.) their detention becomes a breakfast club meets war balloon, and sokka actually sort of tells someone about yue. that’s weird. why’d he do that? neither of them know. zuko has no idea what to say. well, this is awkward. another half hour passes. sokka idly mentions that they could totally find a way out of this room by crawling through the vents and then climbing the beams in the gym and after that it’s only a matter of finding an open window––and not getting caught. this is a joke, a completely hypothetical joke, of course. zuko’s like, “let’s do it.” sokka’s like “oh shit this bitch is crazy,” but, y’know, they pull it off. they run out of the school and keep running and only stop when sokka has the dawning realization that if any of this goes on his permanent record that definitely lessens his chances of getting scholarships. but zuko assures him that mr. bumi doesn’t actually give a fuck, and then offhandedly mentions that he sort of gives him the creeps, and sokka wholeheartedly agrees. this prompts more and more conversation, as they just kind of wander about various streets. once they finally realize that it’s gotten completely dark around them, it occurs to them that they may as well have stayed in detention. 

people won’t shut up about the shit that went down at post-prom. “did you see when that one guy…??” “yeah dude that was wild.” suki just smiles knowingly, and so her friends are all “oh did u hook up with ty lee again?” and she’s like “even better. i won monopoly.” 

katara hates zuko for incredibly petty reasons. like, “he took the last popsicle out of her fridge” petty. then, she very obtrusively finds out that hes gay and is immediately like Oh We Are Friends Now. zuko’s life has suddenly become so much more convenient now that katara is no longer being mean to him that it actually takes him a while to realize that katara is being actively nice to him. 

they talk about waves in physics, and it shakes toph to her core. later that day, she asks sokka to explain what colors are to her. he does not do a good job. starts talking about plato’s allegory of the cave, and the double slit experiment??? what??? zuko explaining that “colors are a feeling” is only marginally more helpful. so toph ultimately enlists suki’s help in explaining to her which colors are lame and which colors are dykey. suki immediately says “flannel.” 

so yes aang may have technically stolen momo from the zoo but its not his fault because momo followed him home and refused to leave his side!!!! 

once mai grows out of her “everyone is an idiot and i hate the world” phase, sokka realizes that she’s actually really cool. they hang out constantly. they have a weekly board game night, and they take turns hosting, which is hilarious because mai lives in a mansion and has an actual butler. their secret handshake is needlessly complicated. zuko tries to pretend it isn’t weird. but…. it’s weird right?? and like, it’s weird that no one else thinks it’s weird???? ……..why does no one else think it’s weird?????

azula is, of course, valedictorian, and her speech is about as bone-chilling as you’d expect. her jokes are too cruel to land. she namedrops harvard about ten times. she manages to squeeze in an offhanded dig at sokka, which makes katara nearly fight her onstage. at the afterparty, azula overhears a conversation wherein one meathead jock whose name she never learned says to another meathead jock whose name she never learned, “oh, but remember that speech from last year??? it was so funny.” this prompts her to have a little too much to drink, which only sokka notices (he showed up for katara and then he was dragged to the party by his friends), so he ends up driving her home. as a graduation gift to her, he says, he changes her contact name in his phone to “Azula.”

sokka has en english teacher who really has it out for him. katara tells him she had him before and wishes she could punch him in the face, and that it’s not his fault that he’s doing poorly in that class. still, sokka begs zuko to tutor him in english. zuko’s just like “you’re perfectly fine at english pakku just sucks” but he agrees to tutor him anyway. sokka’s grades do not improve in the slightest, but he does not care.

the week in which SAT results are expected to arrive, azula is weirdly vigilant about the mail. she makes sure to check the scores and then put it back in the envelope before anyone sees that it was opened. she very casually asks zuko “so what did you get?” and zuko just kinda shrugs impassively and walks away. azula smiles to herself. 

katara comes home one night to find mai and sokka watching a movie on her couch. (the movie is phantom thread and there are tears of laughter streaming down both their faces by the time it’s over.) she’s like “oh hey guys i saw both your girlfriends making out with each other at a party twenty minutes ago,” and sokkas like “for the last time, katara, suki’s not my girlfriend!!” and mai just angrily shushes her because she’s talking over the johnny greenwood score!!!!! smh.

toph never stops yelling at the administration for their ableism. and you’d best believe her valedictory speech blows everyone else’s out of the water. 

#woah this got long #this is what happens when u cant move from bed and u also refuse to do real work i guess #modern au #ur welcome for this novel #asks #sinxaschwarz

[blxckdamask]

Trashcan’s Fic Rec

So since it's the end of May, I thought it would be nice to rec some of my favourite fics I've read throughout the month. Most of these are BNHA since that's what I’m into now lmao. I’m doing this instead of writing the 5 fics I have planned and I havent posted in like 3 weeks oops.

Bakudeku Fics:

Plus Ultra Parenting by Superior_Moustache | 39k | 10/? | fluff | established relationship | kidfic 

Izuku and Katsuki, better known to the world as the Wonder Duo: Deku and Kacchan. The married hero couple finally adopted their first child together, a bouncing baby boy. Luckily, they're on paternity leave for one year (thank god), so they can bond with their son as much as possible. They're going to be the best damn daddies and go beyond PLUS ULTRA!

Katsuki Bakugou has No Goddamn Chill (But Its For The Best That He Doesn’t) by Rosae  | 8k | 2/2 | hurt/comfort | fluff | platonic or romantic 

Alternatively titled: The Entire Goddamn School Gives Up On Trying To Understand These Two & Aizawa is Really Tired.

Izuku and Bakugou had a long and complicated history, but most of the school was pretty sure that they understood where the two currently stood as rivals. Then Izuku's dad showed up on campus and everyone's preconceptions were mercilessly thrown out the window. In which Bakugou tries to murder a man, has a soft side and convinces his entire class the twilight zone is real.

Ft. Part 2: Turns out Izuku and Bakugou will work together willingly if given proper motivation. Endeavor showing up for a training exercise apparently qualifies. Aizawa is really tired of these children not asking for help and everyone else is absolutely terrified (and secretly very glad these two don't work together more often).

briar roses (and hundred years of sleep) by vannral | 15k | 5/5 | angst w/ a happy ending | get together | eventual nsfw 

In complete honesty, no one who knows the Class 3-A should be surprised anymore. Izuku is asleep.

In which Izuku is hit by a ‘Sleeping Beauty’ Quirk, Class 3-A tries to find his True Love and get them to kiss him, and Katsuki’s very angry about it all.

Six Between by majjale | 2k | 1/1 | angst | established relationship | betrayal 

Izuku is hospitalized after a nasty fight. Katsuki finally visits.

Utopia by Kanea_vR | 2k | 1/1 | fluff | established relationship | marriage proposal | domestic 

In which Izuku worries that his and Katsuki’s relationship has become too domestic, and Katsuki proves him right. Not that either of them are complaining.

Todobaku Fics: 

No Questions by ravenssaur | 3k | 1/1 | hurt/comfort | angst | deaf!bakugou

Everytime his doorbell rings at 3am, Todoroki knows exactly who is it.

Kitties Tale by Midknight_works | 2k | 1/1 | fluff | domestic | slight nsfw

Bakugou brings home a stray box full of kittens for his and Shouto’s one year anniversary.

Where White Lilies Lay by sodapopcurtis | 17k | 1/2 | break up & make up | angst | hurt/comfort | fluff 

Shouto’s eyes light up in a way that rivals every star in the galaxy, and the past year falls to pieces. “You’re Katsuki.”

With staggered breath, he replies, “You remember me?”

“Of course I do,” Shouto says, “You’re my boyfriend.”

---

Todoroki Shouto gets amnesia and remembers only two things: 1) his name, and 2) that he's dating Bakugou Katsuki.

The only problem is, they broke up a year ago.

Deeper by snakeskinbuffalo | 3k | 1/1 | soulmate au | get together | tw suicide attempt, self harm, depression 

“Katsuki, your soulmate is someone who will always be by your side. They will be someone who completes you. Together, you will make an unstoppable force.”

AU where Bakugou and Todoroki are soulmates and Bakugou is in denial.

Do You Like... (series) by degradedpsychotic | 3 works | 57k | not completed | very nsfw | established relationship | cheating 

Shouto is looking at the damn vent like he’s about to make a break for it. “It’s not, um, what it looks-” “It’s exactly what it looks like,” Katsuki cuts across, his voice losing its bite. Shouto flinches, and silence spreads between them like the frost on Shouto’s fingers.

- - -

Shouto Todoroki and Katsuki Bakugo are tired of their marriage.

better late than never by bonnia | 12k | 1/1 | body swap au | get together | aggressive hand holding (lmao) 

“I’m sorry, but I’m not letting you go. I quite like being in my own body.” Todoroki's next breath comes out icy cold, and Katsuki leans as far back as their joint hands will allow.

“Are you fucking hearing yourself?” he sputters, feeling heat crawl up his neck to his ears.

(or: bakugou and todoroki get hit by a body swap quirk, and physical contact seems to be the only answer to their predicament)

Without Hesitation by XenophoneSpeaks | 8k | 2/2 | love confessions | hurt/comfort | get together | fluff | angst w/ a happy ending

The first time Bakugou told Todoroki he was in love with him, he thought he’d die.

Starting Over From Ground Zero by HyacinthAtropa & XenophoneSpeaks | temporary amnesia | get together | coming out | nsfw | angst w/ a happy ending 

“What would their relationship have been like, if Bakugou’s pride hadn’t stood in the way? Would they have been friends, or would things have mostly stayed the same? Would Bakugou have been happier, more open and honest about his feelings and wants and needs as a person? Would he have accepted and even appreciated the comfort others offered him, rather than always keeping people at arm’s-length in an effort to maintain an image of independence and strength?

Todoroki didn’t know.

He didn’t know. But he wanted to.

Abruptly, like a bolt of lightning, he realized he actually had the chance to find out.”

(Or: that one where Bakugou has temporary amnesia and Todoroki is tasked with caring for him until his memory returns, but ends up falling in love with the part of Bakugou that Bakugou has always kept hidden away instead.)

i don’t need to hear to know how i feel (series) by Lizxcliff | 5 works | 16k | not completed | deaf todoroki | coffee shop au | get together | fluff | angst | eventual nsfw 

“English tea, right?” He asked. The man in front of him stared, unsure of how to interact with the handsome, blonde man. This, of course, annoyed Bakugou. “Speak, moron.” He said harsher. Todoroki continued looking at him. He probably doesn’t speak sign language. He reached towards the left end of the counter and grabbed a paper menu. Searching quickly, Todoroki found the English tea, and pointed to it.

Kacchako Fics:

pink cheeks, calloused hands, small wonders by TheGodWith5Yen | 37k | 7/7 | established relationship | domestic fluff | pregnancy | kid fic | adoption 

Her hands found his. She breathed out. Her breath smelled like Listerine, it made Katsuki wrinkle his nose at her.

“I’m pregnant.”

Katsuki’s eyes widened and he stared at her, his mouth opening. “Oh shit. Shit, whoa, okay, wow.” His hands unclasped from hers and traveled down to her stomach. “Ochako, wow.” Not even an hour ago he was convinced his girlfriend was breaking up with him. His mind couldn’t completely wrap around what was happening, but he couldn’t stop looking at his girlfriend in awe. He kissed her forehead, a smacking kiss with a “mwah” sound that had Ochako rolling her eyes and cuddling closer to him. “You’re pregnant.”

“I am.” Ochako agreed, her voice steady and confidant.

Katsuki licked his dry lips. His mind was racing. “Cool.”

It’s Our Secret, Angel Face by thesweetestnerd | 200k | 39/39 | nsfw | mutual pining | get together | fluff | angst | friends with benefits 

Broken down and humiliated after her crushing defeat in the Sports Festival, Uraraka just wants to sleep off her injuries in the infirmary. She didn't expect to get a very loud and very angry roommate for the night.

(A Kacchako one shot that turned into a love story.)

Other Fics:

Perception (series) by aizawashouta | erasermic | 2 works | 10k | not completed | nsfw | friends to lovers | mutual pining | get together | angst w/ a happy ending 

Five times Hizashi feels like a burden to Shouta and one time he finally snaps with Shouta by his side to pick up the pieces.

-

Hizashi is all too aware that they’re polar opposites, Shouta being the calm to his storm, the quiet to his loud exuberance. Shouta, who’s at his most content curled up on the couch in their shared living room, or anywhere, really, napping or idly playing with their two cats while Hizashi’s busy going through his ever-growing music library, bothering Shouta for his opinion before adding the songs that have gained his friend’s grudging approval to whatever new playlist that he’s working on.

No matter how hard he tries, he can’t leave him alone and, miraculously, Shouta’s been tolerating him for fifteen years.

He hopes to God that it hasn’t become an obligation.

like-like by nanasekei | stony | 5k | 1/1 | POV morgan | fluff | kid fic | steve being a cool step dad | domestic 

Morgan doesn’t really know Captain America.

After The Tournament by bluewerewolfprose | wolfstar & drarry | 175k | 53/? | canon divergent | fix it fic | fluff | angst | angst w/ a happy ending | everyone is gay | trans Sirius | eventual drarry | nsfw 

What if Remus and Sirius realised Harry was being abused? What if all Dumbledore’s careful plans were pulled apart by the power he relied on most of all?

After the Triwizard Tournament, a traumatised Harry admits he can't go back to Privet Drive. Sirius and Remus refuse to submit to Dumbledore's plan and take him back to Grimmauld Place with them, where they must learn how to live together, how to care for one another, and how to trust one another. After so long, can they build a family together? Will they even have a chance when a war rages outside their door? And can the prophecy ever be fulfilled?

#fic rec #monthy fic rec #bakudeku #todobaku #kacchako #erasermic #stony #wolfstar #drarry #bnha #mcu #Harry Potter

[punkscowardschampions]

Ava & Nancy

Ava: Has he told you? Nancy: Yeah Ava: How are you holding up? Nancy: better than he is Ava: Not saying much but Ava: that's something Nancy: how are you holding up then? Ava: It's been, a rollercoaster implies that it's in any way on the rails so not that, something as up and down and side to side Ava: tornado, perhaps Ava: but it's far from about me so I'm just here, you know Nancy: I know what you mean Ava: It's more to do with you than me Ava: so, what did he say exactly? Nancy: You know what he's like, just coming out with it Nancy: there's nothing for me to argue with Nancy: maybe if I had a clue then but now Ava: Yeah Ava: but none of us did Ava: I think mum was probably right, even if that's fucked Ava: taking it to the police wouldn't have done anything Nancy: She'd had talked her way out of it, his word against hers and he doesn't come across well when he's upset Ava: Exactly Ava: it's one of those legal grey areas Ava: morally black but you know Ava: can't get charged for that Nancy: I feel like shit, if I hadn't left it wouldn't have been her and none of this would be happening Ava: I know, but you have to try not to think like that Ava: she picked him, really Ava: he was angry and upset, with you, yeah, but Rio too and you know, everyone and everything Ava: but I don't think he would have pursued her, if he were in any state Ava: and she had her problems with you, but I don't think that's solely why she did it either Nancy: I know but he could've used any girl in Chelsea to get back at Rio, it was her because of me, that's all my thoughts keep coming back to Nancy: and no other girl would've used him like that for any reason Ava: We all let each other down Ava: sometimes you have to do what you have to do Ava: and then sometimes bad shit happens because of that Ava: Chloe wouldn't have felt the need to drop this if I weren't with James Ava: we could all just keep on not knowing Nancy: It's not your fault, Av, she hated you cos she hated me first Nancy: it's not like she's heartbroken over James Ava: Still, it wouldn't have happened, you were never going to be dating him Ava: but none of us can live beholden to her and the things she has over us, we shouldn't Ava: at least now, we aren't, she's played all her cards Nancy: Did Buster tell you she's already engaged? Ava: I heard Ava: I looked on Gen's profile and he's like her dad's age Ava: and really stereotypically Italian Nancy: Gross Nancy: I swear to god, she's not a real person Nancy: who does any of this? Ava: I think she does her hardest not to be Ava: fuck everyone else Ava: her parents are just Ava: at a total loss Ava: we say ours are ashamed of us but this is so real Ava: they've had more to do with James than her for years now Nancy: At least he's got their support Ava: I think they're just as scared that they'll lose contact as he is Nancy: Yeah, of course Ava: Did he say if he'd told Ri yet? Nancy: I asked, when I was at my angriest, before I really understood what the circumstances were Nancy: He wouldn't talk about her which either means he has and it didn't go well, or he's still working up to it Ava: She's going to know something is wrong, he can't hide anything from her Ava: and the test takes as long as it takes, I know he was waiting for that but I don't know how Nancy: Right now, I'm selfishly glad that she knows we barely talk so she won't ask me Ava: That's going to be Ava: not fun Ava: never mind how pregnant she is Nancy: Oh god, don't Nancy: I was going to come back for a while but maybe that'll make it worse Nancy: Like he'll think I'm just there to oversee his downfall or something Ava: You don't think that will happen, do you? Nancy: I don't think she'll leave him Nancy: But the old wounds this is gonna open up, even though nobody's disputing he didn't actually consent, when they're still dealing with everything that happened with Venus Nancy: add her hormones in and his way of reacting to literally anything Ava: Fucking hell Ava: you should come back, if you want to though Ava: regardless Nancy: Ri might need me Nancy: not that she'll admit it, obviously Ava: 'course Ava: I don't think it would hurt Nancy: I'm a crap babysitter but I'm a great person to vent at about him so Nancy: if I slag him off enough she'll start leaping to his defence automatically Ava: An evil-good plan Nancy: something good needs to come out of all the evil Ava: We can but try Nancy: Yeah Nancy: I know I need to Ava: Does feel better than doing nothing Ava: only a bit but Ava: still Nancy: I wish there was more I could really do, but it all just feels too late Nancy: inventing a time machine feels very above my capabilities, if I'm honest Nancy: Feel free to tell James I'm here if he ever wants someone to talk to about his monster of an ex Ava: I will Ava: you might have to open a hotline, by the sounds of it Nancy: That'd be a decent earner while I'm back Ava: Time is money, like Nancy: exactly Ava: Wonder what the wedding will be like Nancy: what I remember hearing about hers and James' sounded awful Nancy: but of course this one will have to be more stereotypically Italian Ava: fucked herself on flower girls too Nancy: unless he's got a big family she can insert herself into Ava: Heaven help him Ava: or she's already knocked up, the only way she does it is with a gun to her head and the groom's Nancy: has anyone checked he can speak enough English to know what's going on, like? Ava: I don't know if we've got the welfare team on that Ava: he looks pretty pleased with himself Ava: the pictures would really confirm your homosexuality for you tbh Nancy: Well that's disgusting Ava: If he was the teenaged pool boy, be all over that, obviously Ava: can only hope she's met her match this time Nancy: Even if she hasn't, like you said, there's no more she can do to any of us Nancy: And she'd never get the kids back if she wanted to try that as a last resort Ava: Not putting anything past her obviously Ava: but yeah, I can't see her trying and failing at that any time soon Ava: it's a small mercy Ava: she was no mother Nancy: Imagine having her as yours, oh my god Nancy: it makes me wanna hug mum Ava: Let's not get too crazy Nancy: the urge will have passed by mid-flight, don't worry Ava: Unless you have too many complementaries, of course Nancy: well yeah Ava: No one would blame you on that score Nancy: it doesn't help though Ava: The drink or the lack of blame? Nancy: Both Ava: Yeah Ava: not much in the party mood myself Ava: pity or otherwise Ava: though being forced to 'focus on my schoolwork' like that's remotely important right now is getting me close Nancy: Is there a brochure for the planet mum and dad live on cos I'm really intrigued by it? Ava: They really think they can keep me out of it Ava: Like I'm not the one who did the DNA test, like I'm not the one who got James and Buster to talk Ava: sure, I'll forget about that and write my politics essay, hold on 🙄 Nancy: I'll do your essay as long as you leave enough time for a thorough spell check Ava: You really wanna keep busy, yeah Nancy: Yeah Ava: You are allowed to be angry with him Ava: you know Ava: because he was a victim too doesn't mean you're not allowed to feel that Ava: even if it means you don't direct it at him, you don't have to try and repress it Nancy: I am angry at him, but I'm also so tired of being Ava: Damn genetics Nancy: He can't forgive me for going and I can't keep defending why I had to Nancy: cos he'll never accept that it's not entirely my fault, that I needed him to help me and he wouldn't Ava: He does though Ava: he's told me Ava: like you said, it's too late Nancy: He'll never tell me, so we'll only ever talk when he has good or bad news to give me Ava: Yeah Ava: it's because it doesn't change it Ava: like you said, no time machine Ava: getting him to admit that he wasn't there doesn't change that he wasn't, even if you want to hear it Ava: just like you explaining why you had to leave doesn't mean you stayed Ava: it's all just words, you know Nancy: Then how can we ever? Ava: Maybe you can't Ava: because that isn't a truce Ava: if neither of you is willing to leave your post there is no middle ground Ava: you actually have to be ready and willing to drop defending yourself and blaming each other Ava: and neither of you is, so Ava: that's that Ava: you can't make yourself give it up, clearly Nancy: It's so unfair Nancy: that everything turned out like this Ava: It just is Ava: you have to get to a place where you can just say that's what happened Ava: not attribute why's and who's to it, see it entirely objectively Nancy: maybe if I fly to Tuscany first and murder her Ava: Maybe Ava: you'll still hate yourself though Nancy: Thanks for the reminder Ava: Like you forgot Nancy: my phone alarm is set for hourly bursts of self-loathing, of course Ava: That'll be why you're tired Ava: can't even put that on him, eh Ava: unlucky, like Nancy: I'll have the luck of the Irish and all that good craic to fall back on soon enough, like Ava: 'Course Ava: be a blast Nancy: It always is Ava: It's been a while Ava: things might have changed Nancy: This family would have to catch some kind of break first Ava: Naturally, when I finish this essay, it'll all be worth it Nancy: Just make sure it's worth sticking on the fridge Ava: 'Cos that wouldn't fuck with the aesthetics Nancy: It's no finger-painting, sure Nancy: But if anyone needs the reminder that you're not a toddler it's mum and dad Ava: Really surprising they're not more elated to gain a ready-made grandkid Nancy: If the mother was anyone else, they'd be jumping for joy, no doubt Ava: Unless that mother was me Ava: of course Nancy: James has probably been well and truly scared off Ava: I reckon she's a pretty strong contraceptive Nancy: I'm in no danger but if you put me in a room with her I'd take the pill Ava: 💀 cyanide Nancy: or whichever colour gets you out of the Matrix Nancy: bye babe Ava: Careful Ava: that's what 'woke' lady and minority haters call themselves Ava: don't wanna get in that camp Nancy: is it? Ava: yeah, they're 'red pilled' 'cos they know 'the truth' Ava: the truth that feminism is a lie and all women are evil bitches, like Nancy: Oh great Ava: You accidentally been making loads of enemies over there? Ava: Whoopsie Nancy: I'll say that's the reason now Ava: Go the whole hog and call yourself an incel Ava: when any of the fam asks you how your love life is going Nancy: 😂 Nancy: Don't make me laugh though, my head is killing me Ava: I feel you Ava: the only pills I've been popping are paracetamols Nancy: Nurofen express 💚 Nancy: my actual true love Ava: so rock and roll Ava: shame even by American standards, that's no bitch's name Nancy: Read it in your best impression of the accent if you wanna swoon though, obviously Ava: It clearly does it for you, like Nancy: It's a very diverse place, thank god Ava: Sure babe Ava: the fashion industry is known for it 😏 Nancy: 🙄 Ava: Thanks for not trying to deny it Nancy: I'm not their spokesperson, pros or cons Ava: Not part of the job description of photographer or girlfriend then? Nancy: No Ava: Phew Nancy: Find a way to include it in your Politics essay Ava: Alright, mother Nancy: Never call me that again, please Nancy: if I didn't have a headache before Ava: Yeah, we didn't reckon you'd be next Nancy: Weird that you've discussed it, but okay Ava: The heat needs to be taken off somewhere, like Ava: What about Billie and her fella, do you reckon they'll go for 👶👶? Nancy: No Nancy: they barely see each other at the moment Ava: I won't put my money there then Nancy: You'd be better off keeping it on Buster Ava: I think he's disqualified by default Ava: obviously Ava: don't need no 🔮 Nancy: This one better not be born early cos of the drama Ava: She's getting out of the danger danger zone at least but still Ava: having babies is like what they were born to do Ava: missed those genetics, clearly Nancy: Lord Ava: 😂 You're so squeamish Nancy: I don't like babies, excuse me Ava: I didn't mention anything about the miracle of childbirth even Nancy: thankfully Nancy: cos it's not a miracle, it's a 🤞 & pray for the best kind of situation Nancy: you might tear open or get cut open and you get off lightly if you only 💩 or 🤢 everywhere Ava: 🙄🙄 the dramatics Ava: I've had worse nights out Ava: and I didn't get a cute kid at the end of it so 🤷 Nancy: it's not me that you need to convince so Ava: I don't think I know anyone else so definitely anti-child Nancy: I've got nothing against children, I just don't want any Ava: uhuh Nancy: It's only considered weird cos this family is so obsessed with having as many as possible Ava: Nah, it's not that Nancy: Like I said, reserve the soapbox for someone who wants to hear the pros and cons Ava: Okay Nancy: Okay, I've got loads to finish up before I can leave Ava: 'course you do Ava: I'll let you go then Nancy: I'll talk to you soon Nancy: without time zones to factor in Ava: Cool Ava: no worries Nancy: Let me know if you wanna meet up, who knows where mum and dad will decide to base themselves and when Ava: Regardless, I don't have time to come over there so I won't Nancy: Yeah, exactly Ava: Focus on what you need to do Ava: I was just checking you were okay Nancy: And I wanna check in on you too, so let me know, okay? Nancy: It's the shortest flight ever Ava: Seriously, there's no need Nancy: Alright Ava: Just focus on helping Ri, if that's what you're going to do Nancy: I'll do my best Ava: 👍 Nancy: Later then Ava: Bye Nancy: 🧡 Ava: Is Billie coming over too? Nancy: I don't know Nancy: I'll ask her when she gets home Ava: She should Nancy: I'll do my best with that too Ava: Alright Ava: that's all then Nancy: Okay, bye

[elly-bird]

Dear loyal and foolish followers,

It’s been a while since I did a really deeply personal post, and I used to do them all the time.  Granted, back then, they were mostly venting, or trying to somehow work out my feelings on really deep and painful things.  Whether or not you realize this, dear tumblr audience - friends and strangers alike - you actually helped me a great deal learn about who I am and what I’m doing.

So let’s do a recap.  Once more for the sake of closure, for anyone who still cares, or anyone who did care back then, when I needed it most.

It’s taken me literally all my life to shake off the urge to turn inward.  I’m (almost) twenty four years old and still have trouble even vocalizing the idea that I’ve had a bad day, let alone that I’m suffering from a disability, or struggling to consider myself as a real person.  Yes, my dysfunction was so bad at a point (not especially far back, even) that I literally could not convince myself I was real.  I spent so many days floating place to place, just conducting the bare minimum to survive and not be noticed as some parasitic little ghostial entity.

So it was that I fell into not just hateful, twisted spirals that consumed my entire being, but friendships and relationships that did me equally as many unhealthy favors.  This is when I was the most vocal, because I realized how dire and awful things were getting.  It was speak now, or forever hold my silence, and at that point forever didn’t seem like it was going to last very long.

Coming to terms with the fact that I’ve been conducting self-harm and sabotage all my life - not necessarily physically, but mentally, and spiritually - was one of the biggest hurdles to leap over.  You can’t possibly treat yourself correctly when you’re utterly convinced the world hates you and would be better off without you, even if you’re not willing to nail the coffin yourself.

I never let myself have respect, or love, or care, or even basic decency.  It was always thrown with weighted chains, ones I applied myself and used to justify my shitty mindset.  I validated my attitude by saying the world was a spiteful place, and I was its target.  I got angry a lot, because anger was easier to feel than any other emotion, and I genuinely think that was my first attempt at pulling myself out of a very dark pit of depression.

I started to try and identify all these flaws and issues, but I could only see them in other people, not myself.  I started a blog, one where I offered positivity and support to every single person who so much as touched it.  I put all my time and energy into offering other people consolations for their sorrows, and trying my best to find them help, and support, in what I viewed as a meaningless, dead void of a world.  This actually became kind of popular; six thousand followers kind of popular.  It wasn’t long before I was putting almost every waking hour of my life into trying to guide people towards the light in life that I’d clearly shut the curtains on.

And then came my biggest shame; I couldn’t do it anymore.

I deleted it.  I packed up.  I went home.  I isolated.

It’s a funny feeling, realizing that you’re no longer strong enough to help anyone.  I was hardly equipped to in the first place, but having to get rid of that last little thing I could hold onto - that self-imposed job that I pointed at so often to say “look, look, things are good, I swear!” - honestly almost killed me.  The pain I felt made me realize I needed help.

And I’d like to say I got it, but...  I didn’t.  Something I’d so seriously recommended to everyone around me seemed entirely out of reach for myself.

You may have noticed I dipped my toes back into the positivity, though, even on this lonely little blog where only my close friends and some very lovable but potentially naive strangers visit.  That’s sort of where this all went.

Realizations that I’d been making progress came incredibly slow.  I tried my best to invert my views.  I wasn’t “wasting so much time I lost my childhood,” I was surviving and getting past the worst years of my life.  I wasn’t “worthless,” I just hadn’t even started to try.  Certainly, finding my own little self-diagnosises helped put a center to my storm, but I was still struggling.

Sparing you the details on my situation, I did the math and realized it would be quite a few more years before I was in any situation to get help, or live independently, or so forth.

And it was nihilism that hit me the hardest.  What the fuck?  How could it possibly be fair that I’d be rapidly approaching my 30s before I ever even saw a doctor?  What the hell is wrong with me that I’d rather live a stagnant, stale existence than even try to live?!

Thus I bring you very close to the present.

Where I decided I wasn’t going to accept that.

I got angry again, but this time it was at these unspoken rules, and restrictions that I’d lived under all my life - some imposed by my own shitty brain and some by the culture and pressures surrounding me.  I stopped giving a god damn shit what would be okay, what would be acceptable, what would be the least offensive and quietest way to live my life.

I dyed my fucking hair.  I wore bright colours.  I flirted with boys.  I fought, very literally, for my trans and non-binary friends.  I got loud, and proud, and anyone who didn’t accept the kind of love and understanding I wanted to spread got called a god damn idiot, because you know what, you are a god damn idiot if you think living, breathing, thinking, feeling humans whose only urge is to live in harmony with one another aren’t worth care.

And I started making more decisions.

Decisions like the one to welcome friends I’d constantly left on the outside into my reality.  Decisions like accepting that it was okay to openly identify as something that would be disagreeable in my town/state/family.   Decisions to accept the love, and care, and wholesome understanding that came with meeting someone whose world rhymed with mine.

Decisions to fight back.  Against the cruel side of my brain, and against the cruel side of the world.

Because it wasn’t a matter of never having a family that would accept me.  In actuality, I had a family that was willing to walk to the ends of the earth for me the whole time.  I’d stood so separate, and so far apart for them all my life out of fear for my own treatment that I’d forgotten that we’re all blessed with the very real, and very honest opportunity to make the world just a little, tiny bit better for everyone.

I lost track of who I was because I was so concerned with standing up on my own two feet, I never realized that so many beautiful people were all around me waiting to help me up if only I just accepted that.

I know now what I wish I’d known then; that in order to experience love and understanding, you have to open yourself to it.  Sometimes it’s easy, like leaving the door unlocked, but other times you’ve got to rip through scar tissue in an agonizing fashion.

Because most important of all these things, of all this journey, of all this ramble that I cannot truly tell whether or not is helpful or interesting to anyone-

I’m in love.  Not solely, not simply; but the fact I can put myself in that state means my world must be improving.

We all have the power to make this place kind and beautiful.

Dear loyal and foolish followers,

friends and strangers alike;

I’m doing okay.

#personal