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retrievablememories · 4 years

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the assistant | doyoung (m)

title: the assistant pairing: sub!doyoung x black!reader genre: smut request: “Sub Doyoung that works under a (Black) woc as an assistant. He gets turned on when she bosses him around and ends up in a situation where he can’t hide his feelings anymore. Hopefully it’s a smut.” word count: 4.5k warnings: oral (female receiving), handjob, dirty talk, public masturbation/sexual activities, humiliation kink *without insulting names*, dom!female/sub!male a/n: this came out a bit longer than i expected. the title’s a bit generic but the other one i had felt corny. i hope i didn’t make the reader too mean here lol

Taking a job as your assistant over a year and a half ago was both an easy and hard decision—though mostly easy.

Doyoung needed the money, so he wasn’t going to turn down the offer. And he had the skills for it, which he wasn’t going to let go to waste. But he wasn’t sure how he was going to handle the prospect of being sexually attracted to his boss.

It wasn’t just your looks, although they certainly helped. It was your air of authority and the way you knew how to get people to like you or do whatever you requested of them. There was practically no one you were afraid to call out if necessary, regardless if they were a lower-level employee or a fellow boss at the firm. You liked things to be done a certain way, and you wasted little time with hesitating like many others on the job did when they needed a task completed.

He could tell your demeanor from that first interview, and it made him sweat. It pleased him and compelled him to achieve whatever he could during the hiring process to get close to you. Doyoung found it hard to get you off his mind, thinking about you from the time he left that interview to the hour before he fell asleep that night. He was undeniably pleased when he got the job, but even more happy that he’d be getting to work for someone like you.

Doyoung is a smart man, and he takes pride in a job well done. However...he’s not above making the occasional mistake just to hear you reprimand him. Nothing big enough to seriously impact your business, and never too often, or you’d probably have him kicked out. But every once in a while, he lets something “slip” his careful eye so he can hear your irritated voice or see your pretty eyes roll.

Sometimes he thinks he might be one of the strangest men on Earth to get enjoyment from things that would normally make others feel embarrassed and upset, but he doesn’t mind it too much. He knows what he likes, which is at least more than many others can say.

He’s not sure what he’d do if you knew about his secret, or about how he feels things specifically for you that an employee should never feel towards their boss. But he’ll continue to indulge as long as he can keep it to himself.

“I hope you’re ready for the presentation today.” You tell Doyoung this as you both take the elevator to your department floor. The only practical answer you expect is a yes, and he knows this. Thankfully for him, he’s not one to disappoint. “You’ve organized all the data I sent over to you and added it to the presentation, right?”

“Of course. Have I ever failed you?”

You sigh, raising your eyebrows. “Those errors on your reports say otherwise, no matter how small they are. Don’t get too cocky about your track record yet, everyone messes up sooner or later.”

“Sounds like you don’t have any faith in me.” Doyoung laughs.

“Doyoung. If I didn’t have any faith in you, I wouldn’t have hired you.” You pat his shoulder good-naturedly, and he relishes that touch for a moment. “But I also know how humans work.” You both walk off the elevator when it finally stops, and Doyoung acknowledges a few people who pass by, though his eyes are always subtly drawn back to you.

The conference room is almost full with the other bosses and higher-ups who have gathered for today’s meeting. It’s a panel, so there will be a few more people who go before and after you.

When it’s your turn to go up, you take the USB Doyoung’s given you with the presentation on it.

The first few slides look as they should, which you pretty much expected, but you’re still glad to see that Doyoung got everything right.

You flip to the next slide of the presentation for the data and start going through it, but you quickly realize that something is wrong. None of the numbers match what you remember reviewing for this year’s report. You stop and blink for a few moments, trying to register what you’re seeing. Doyoung sits up in his chair, and his body goes stiff as he realizes his mistake. He knows for sure he imported the data into the PowerPoint, but he must not have been paying enough attention to which data he was using; all of this information is from last year.

There are a few disgruntled sounds from the meeting attendees, some born from secondhand embarrassment, others confusion, and some others annoyance. You clasp your hands together, putting on a fake smile as you regard the other members of the room. “Well...looks like there’s been a mistake.”

The meeting organizer speaks up. “We can continue on with the others and schedule your segment for another day. We’re all on a tight schedule right now, so I’m afraid there isn’t enough time to do this over today.” He gives you a regretful look, and you nod in response. You just hope you don’t get reprimanded for it too badly later.

Doyoung is sweating bullets when you return to your seat next to him. He glances over at you, though he can’t look you directly in the eye. You don’t even give him a glance back, instead keeping your eyes straight ahead on the next person’s presentation. He doesn’t need you to look at him, though; he already knows from your posture and energy that you’re pissed.

The rest of the meeting goes by fast. Maybe too fast. Everyone starts talking among themselves and packing up their things to leave, and you go to the organizer to set another date for your presentation. Doyoung waits until you’re finished with the other man before daring to approach you.

He stumbles over his words as he tries to speak. “Y/N, I’m so sorry, I didn’t—”

You give him a look and brush him off as neutrally as you can without drawing the attention of the others filing out of the room.“Let’s talk in my office.”

The walk to your office seems to last forever, though it’s only a minute or two in actuality. Doyoung doesn’t know what to think—will you decide to get rid of him? This is the first major mistake he’s made, but he is not so confident that you’ll be very forgiving with the past errors he’s made.

“Close the door behind you,” you say when you finally get in the office. Doyoung does as instructed and only sits down after you gesture for him to take the chair in front of your desk. After you’re both settled, you sigh and put your head in your hands.

You keep that position for a while, which makes him nervous. He isn’t sure if he’s supposed to speak first, so he keeps quiet and waits to see what you’ll do.

Possibly the weirdest part of all this is the thread of excitement that still pulses through him. He’s anxious to know what you’ll say to him, whether good or bad. He’s not ecstatic at the thought of losing his job, no, but he also can’t deny that he likes hearing you raise your voice at him.

You lift your head to look at him, and he feels immobilized underneath your gaze. “I should have you fired, you know that?” He tenses at that. “After making such a huge mistake in front of the upper management, and having to reschedule the damn meeting…everyone spent their precious time coming out here today, pulling themselves away from their own busy schedules...”

Your words make Doyoung panic a bit on the inside, yet they also stoke the fires of his attraction to you. He curses himself in his head. He’s usually better than this at keeping himself under control, but something about your pointed anger today is speaking directly to a deep part of him.

“Whenever I tell you to do something related to the job, you should do it.”

“I know, o-of course. It was a mistake, but—”

“But? Did you really not realize the information you had was from last year?”

“I-it slipped my attention.” Doyoung can feel heat creeping up his neck, but also rushing farther down below the belt. He’s only seen you this upset before on a few other occasions, and none of them were directed at him. He’s a little ashamed to say that it’s still turning him on, though he also realizes the gravity of his mistake. “I know I can’t make up for what’s already happened, but I’ll do better.”

“You definitely will do better, because you’re staying overtime to fix it.” He figured that much. “There’s not enough time to deal with this mess now.” You sit back in your desk chair, crossing your arms. “Don’t look so anxious about it. I’m still pissed at you, obviously, but I’m not letting you go. There are a lot of fools around here, and I don’t need any of them trying to become my assistant if you leave.”

Doyoung’s shoulders deflate a little from the relief he feels at that, with some of the built-up tension leaving his body. There is still another uncomfortable problem left, though—the bulge in his pants. His face turns redder with the knowledge that he’s gotten hard in front of you, with the only thing to hide it being the folder of documents he’s holding.

You lean over the desk a little, examining your assistant closely. “Doyoung, you’re turning beet red. The hell? Are you getting sick or something?”

“N-no! I’m not sick, really.” His hands tighten around the folder as he says this, and he tries to look at you as nonchalantly as he can manage, though the eye contact still sends his pulse throbbing.

You stare at him for a few more seconds, trying to read him and getting nothing but more nervousness. “You know what…” You shake your head. “Just go home early and do your overtime tomorrow. You clearly need a break to pull yourself together.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure. I don’t need you messing up any more of my work if you’re this flustered. Go on, go.”

Doyoung nods, wondering how he’s going to get out of the chair without making it too obvious that he’s sprung a hard-on from your reprimands. You sigh and press your fingers to your temples for a long moment, and he takes this opportunity to stand up and try to zip out of the room before you can open your eyes again.

“Wait. Give me the folder.”

He freezes with his back to you.

“The-the folder?”

“Yes, Doyoung, that folder you’re holding right there.” You roll your eyes. “Come on. Don’t you need to be getting home?”

“Right, yes…” Doyoung hesitates for a moment longer before passing the folder to you, then he quickly covers himself by crossing his hands in front of his crotch. The movement isn’t as natural as he’d like it to be. You raise an eyebrow at his stiff demeanor, but you don’t say anything immediately. He takes that as his cue to escape, and he goes to the door as calmly as possible.

“Remember your overtime tomorrow,” you call out as he opens the door to your office. He turns his head to look back at you, nodding in response. He can’t read the expression on your face, and he doesn’t stick around much longer to find out what you could possibly be thinking.

Once Doyoung gathers his things, he sneaks off to the men’s bathroom. His hands shake a little as he unbuckles his belt and unzips his pants, pulling his hard cock out and gripping his shaft tightly. A tiny moan slips out, though he quickly silences his voice as he begins stroking himself.

All your words from earlier circle around in his head as he gets himself off, his breaths labored and echoing slightly around the walls of the bathroom stall. He imagines that you’re the one pleasuring him, your fingers wrapping around his dick as you laugh at how hard and desperate he is for you. Maybe if he’s good, you’ll let him cum in your mouth.

He’s learned how to get himself off quickly and quietly in the work bathrooms by now, so it only takes a few more minutes before he’s spilling over his fingers, the sound of your name passing through his lips almost inaudibly. After he cleans himself up and flushes the toilet, he spends a few more minutes in the stall to calm his mind and take some deep breaths.

“Ugh…fuck,” he mumbles to himself. The thought of doing overtime doesn’t thrill him, and he still feels shitty about making such a big mistake, but there’s nothing left to do except fix his errors.

Friday goes like any other workday, and Doyoung doesn’t notice anything unusual from you that would’ve indicated you knew what his “problem” was yesterday. He’s a little relieved about that, but he’s still not reassured enough to disregard the incident.

The day passes by more quickly than Doyoung would like, and soon it’s already time for regular office hours to end—and his extra work to begin. He seats himself at his desk, nodding goodbye to the last few coworkers who straggle out of the room. He didn’t see you leave your office, but he figures you must already be gone because the room is dark.

For a few minutes, it’s just Doyoung working by himself. He’s barely gotten started with the bulk of the document fixes when he hears rustling and a door opening. He wonders if it’s someone else doing overtime or somebody who forgot their belongings. What he doesn’t expect to see is you walking towards his desk.

“I thought you were going home?” Doyoung asks, looking up at you curiously. His hands pause over the keys.

“I am; don’t think I want to stay here all night. But I need to talk to you about something first.” You cross your arms, looking at Doyoung from behind his computer monitor.

A cold sweat breaks out on his skin, though he tries to keep his face neutral. “What did you want to talk about?”

“Your behavior after the presentation yesterday. In my office.”

As he thought, there was no way he could’ve hidden it or gotten away with it. He hangs his head, squeezing his eyes shut. “Y/N, please. Forgive—”

“Wait. Let me finish first.”

Doyoung stops talking immediately. He swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing, and watches you carefully to see what you’ll do.

“I have enough sense to figure out that you were far from sick, but I sent you away to save us both the embarrassment of you nutting in your pants.” His fingers twitch at your words, but he remains silent as he wearily waits for you to continue speaking. At this point, he’s unsure which direction this will go in; will you decide to go ahead and fire him after you said you wouldn’t? Will you scold him and then pretend like none of it ever happened? “You’re crazy as hell, you know that?”

He can’t meet your eyes anymore and instead looks at where his hands still rest on the desk. He stays quiet, mostly because he’s unsure how to respond in any justifiable way.

“You’re acting like a scared puppy now, but you were pretty damn shameless yesterday. Getting hard in front of your boss, really?” You reach out to him. He doesn’t know what your intention is, but he surely doesn’t anticipate you grabbing his tie. You’re not even trying to pull him closer; you simply hold the fabric in your hand, passing your thumb over its patterns. “Do you think any of that was appropriate?” you ask, your voice calm.

“N-no, it’s not.”

“Don’t think I didn’t see you practically sprinting to the bathroom, too. Are you gonna tell me what you did in there, or do I have to guess?”

Doyoung’s cheeks are blazing again, and he can hardly believe that you’re questioning him like this, or that he’s actually about to admit to it.

“I...I, um. I...jerked off.”

“Jerked off to the thought of me. Right?” He can only nod, keeping his eyes firmly on your hand—which is still holding his tie—instead of your face. “And do you think that’s appropriate?” He shakes his head no.

“Good answer. But you’ve also forgotten that I can do what I want, too. Do you think it’s fair that you’re the only one around here who gets to have any fun?” Now you pull him closer, and you lean forward to meet him halfway. The implications of your words have him risking a glance up at you, surprised that this is your answer.

“Fun?”

Any other thought he might have promptly disappears when you kiss him. He’s taken entirely off guard by your actions, and with his walls down, he lets a particularly needy moan slip out. He likes the feel of your lipstick smearing slightly against his mouth, and most of all, your lips themselves.

Doyoung is embarrassed to be getting hard from a single kiss, but whenever it comes to you, he’s gotten it up for much less. Now that he’s had this one taste of contact, he wants you to touch him more, wherever you see fit. It doesn’t much matter as long as your hands are on him in some way. He leans forward minutely, kissing you a little deeper and wanting to push his tongue into your warm mouth.

You part from him as soon as you feel him push closer, though you still keep a grip on his tie. “This is gonna go my way. Got it? If you don’t want this, say it now and I’ll leave.”

“No, I—stay, please. I want this.” His voice comes out more pleadingly than he meant for it to, but he realizes he’s not really concerned about that as long as you understand how much he really does want this.

You move away from Doyoung and he’s momentarily alarmed that you’re going to leave anyway, but you only shrug your coat off and step out of your heels, leaving them strewn on the office floor. You push him away from the desk in his rolling chair so there’s enough space for you to enter his cubicle and sit comfortably on his desk.

Doyoung’s eyes drop to your legs, which are shiny and smooth under your skirt and most likely just as soft as they look. “Get out of the chair and on your knees,” you tell him. He does so, and you kick the rolling chair away so it’s just you and Doyoung, you sitting on his desk and him kneeling in front of you.

“If you want to make up to me for that embarrassment yesterday, you’ll have to do a lot more than fixing a presentation.” You spread your legs a bit, your skirt riding up as you do, and Doyoung’s eyes hyperfocus on the gift that’s waiting between your thighs. His mouth waters a bit at the thought of finally getting to taste you. “So, don’t keep me waiting. Like I said, I’m not staying here all night.”

Doyoung nods and brings his hands up to the sides of your thighs, feeling buzzed at how he’s touching you in a place he’s never been before. He’d like to take his time peeling off your blouse and skirt, exposing your nude form to his mouth and hands and cock that would like to do nothing but worship you, but he hasn’t been given that much permission. So he keeps within his boundaries and hikes your skirt up more so he can reach your underwear to pull it off.

Your underwear, to his surprise, already has a considerable wet spot on it. It makes his dick throb to know you’re as eager for this as he is, even if you don’t necessarily express it. When you notice him staring at your panties, you grab the hand that’s holding your garments and push it into his face, making him smell your scent. “If you like it so much…”

The smell of you appeals to him on a visceral, primal level. His hands return to your thighs with renewed enthusiasm, gripping your body and pulling you closer to his wanting mouth.

The first stroke of his tongue between your lips makes you shudder, and it makes Doyoung moan out loud. He pushes his tongue into you as his nose nudges your clit, wanting to have more of you as you leak onto him. You grab his hair, though not hard enough to hurt, as you push his face closer into you and arch your hips up.

He responds to your actions by bringing his mouth back up to your clit, enveloping it and sucking it fervently. He doesn’t think to bring his fingers into the mix, as consumed as he is with simply tasting you right now, and your body’s reaction says you are more than content with letting him work his mouth on you.

“Doyoung…” The way you speak his name is surprisingly gentle, much unlike he’s heard anyone else say it before—even previous lovers. Maybe he believes it to be so because of how wrapped up he is in you. He tries not to read into it and get his hopes up, instead focusing on pleasuring you.

His cock strains uncomfortably against his pants, though he ignores it to keep licking into you. There seems to be no limit to how much wetness he can coax out of you. The small cubicle, and the office itself, is quiet except for the subdued hum of computer machinery and Doyoung’s mouth sucking your pussy.

The muscles in your legs flex underneath his fingertips as you get closer to releasing. Your hand slips to the back of his neck, caressing the heated skin there as Doyoung pushes you higher and higher until you’re cumming in his mouth. Your legs tense and try to close around his head as you moan softly, and Doyoung accepts the sensation of being caged in by you. Everything down here is hot and wet and delicious.

You are satisfied and properly spent after your climax, but Doyoung is still hard and you’re not quite done playing with him yet. “Stand up.”

He does so and watches with bated breath as you undo his pants and bring his dick out. It’s already dripping precum and flushed with arousal, but you decide that isn’t enough lubrication and carefully spit on his member to make your strokes smoother. His knees almost give way at seeing your pretty mouth so close to his dick, and he has to grab onto the cubicle wall to steady himself.

“Y/N…” His voice shakes as he speaks your name. Your hand moving across his shaft seems too good to be true, and he wants so much for you to take him into your mouth or even let him press in between your legs. But he certainly can’t deny that being touched this way is ridiculously good, too. You only concentrate on his dick for a little while, but your eyes soon venture up to his face, with his bangs sticking to his forehead from sweat.

“Do you like that?”

“I-I do. So much.”

“So easily satisfied, aren’t you…” you murmur, not really caring if he replies or not. You grip him a little more tightly, and he can hardly stop the whimper that results from it. “What do you do when you’re at home? Nevermind—I bet you hug your pillow and jack yourself off thinking it’s me. How embarrassing, Doyoung.”

You continue on, stroking him faster all the while. “Seriously, when’s the last time you had a warm body? You’re so sensitive.” You slide your thumb over the slit of his cock, and he reacts by pushing his hips closer to you and moaning loudly. There’s no one left on this floor but you two, so he isn’t too afraid of being vocal here. “Don’t tell me you’ve been holding out for me. Maybe I‘ll let you fuck me someday, though...you seem like the kind of man who knows what to do with a wet pussy, don’t you?”

You can guess when he’s about to come from his increasingly loud moans and how he has to hold your shoulder to keep himself upright. When Doyoung finally climaxes, you angle his dick so his cum splashes all over his shirt and suit jacket. You don’t stop stroking him until he whines out loud and nudges your hand away from his overstimulated cock. Some of his cum has dripped on your hand, too, and you wipe that on his pants. Lucky for you—and not so lucky for him—he‘s wearing light gray today.

It takes him a minute to recover from his orgasm, and you watch him with a devious smile as he regains his senses. You’re even more delighted when he looks down and sees the mess he’s made of himself.

“Y/N, my clothes…” You’re already standing up from the desk and pulling your underwear back on, along with your coat and shoes.

“That’s too bad, isn’t it? Gonna stain, too. You’ll have to walk out of here like that, and let’s not forget how you always take the subway on Fridays to save gas money.” Once you’ve tidied yourself back up, you give him another pitiful look. “Well, see you at work on Monday, okay?”

Doyoung can only watch your retreating figure as you walk to the elevator and get on, giving him one last amused wave before disappearing to the ground floor.

Perhaps the wildest part of it all, despite his soiled clothes and the night of work still ahead of him, is that he’d do it all over again if you asked.

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canvas-the-florist · 3 years

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Learning to Listen

Ships: Past Romantic Prinxiety, Romantic Intruality,

Warnings: Messy breakup, swearing, unintentional bigotry, mentions of sex, brief (VERY brief) making out

Summary: Virgil, Roman, Patton, and Remus move into a house together as housing during college. It works out great until Virgil and Roman breakup and Remus discovers some things that could complicate his own romantic relationship with Patton (none of the characters are unsympathetic they’re just stupid.)

Word Count: 1.8K

“I’m just an over glorified fuck buddy to you, aren’t I?!” Virgil yelled through the thin walls and Remus flinched at the noise. Roman and Virgil decided to have an apparently much needed fight. He was glad that Patton wasn’t home to witness what he assumed was a breakup. Remus didn’t know whether or not he was going to have to comfort Virgil or Roman.

“No! I just- Virgil you aren’t listening to me! Like you ever do!” Remus turned up the music in his headphones, despite it already at max volume. His eardrums were probably going to explode, with blood and whatever cartilage did when it couldn’t handle the stress of hearing.

“Are you breaking up with me?!”

“Yeah, VIRGIL, I think I am!” Remus was impressed that they had gotten to that part after two hours. But hey, they got there in the end, right? He heard the door of the room open and slam shut. He paused his music and looked up to see Roman looking deflated. Roman walked over and sat next to Remus silently. Remus didn’t say anything, not wanting to fuck up his brother’s day anymore, even though that sounded like fun. Roman screamed into a pillow and fell the back of his head onto Remus’s lap, slapping his phone to the ground. “Did you manage not to hear any of that?”

“Oh I’m pretty sure your voice could’ve broken the windows if you tried harder.” Remus supplied. “I don’t know exactly what the fight was about though, you guys were talking like normal people at the point.”

“What would you know about normal people?” Roman responded snarkily, before shaking his head softly and corrected himself. “Sorry. That fight was a lot, I’m not sure the adrenaline of it has burned out yet… Remus, is it weird that I thought we were doing really well? I didn’t even notice Virgil wasn’t happy with it. I really fucked up.”

Remus thought briefly to his own dating life. He realized he related more than he wanted to. “Yeah, you really boinged that one, dude. But, I’m sure it’ll be okay. If it doesn’t work out I can decapitate Virge for you. He’s my best friend but you’re my brother.”

Roman laughed lightly, and tears rolled down his face unto Remus’s legs. His laughter quickly turned to sobbing into Remus’s shirt until Patton came home from work 30 minutes later. He opened the door humming to himself until he saw the twins on the couch, Roman’s makeup running and generally looking like a mess.

“Is… everything okay?” Remus shook his head and Patton nodded to himself. “Where’s Virgil?” That simple question got Roman to crumble down horizontally on the couch again. Patton thought to himself with furrowed brows about that response. Remus pointed to Virgil’s room and Patton followed, knocking on the door. He went in after a few seconds to see Virgil curled up in a ball, shaking and clearly not alright.

He couldn’t even choke a word out. Patton closed the door and sat on the ground in front of him. Without questioning anything he opened up his arms in case Virgil wanted a hug. He did. “Okay kiddo, breathe in for four seconds for me. Now hold it for seven-”

This went on until his breathing was stable. Virgil’s fist was closed around a piece of Patton’s shirt. “I shouldn’t have yelled at him.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Patton asked, tightening his grip. He had begun to suspect what might’ve happened and almost wanted to cry about it himself, but it wasn’t about him right now. “Not that you have to but if you need to, I’m here.”

“No, my therapist has told me to communicate better. Which, ironically, what I was trying to do with Roman…” Virgil trailed off, loosening his grip of Patton’s shirt and looking up to his ceiling. He doesn’t really seem to want me other than to have sex and after mentioning that it eventually turned into a screaming match. And then he… then he broke up with me. I should’ve listened to him before but I didn’t. Patton I don’t know what to do.”

Patton bit his lip for a second. Only sex, huh? He thought back to himself and Remus. They sort of had the opposite issue… This wasn’t about that though. Virgil still wanted a response. “I wasn’t there, Virgil, and this isn’t my relationship we’re talking about. I- do you want suggestions or do you just want me to listen without giving any opinions?”

“Suggestions would be cool.”

“Alright,” with that permission Patton tried to think of his best friendly advice. ‘Communication’ was usually always the answer but it was some sort of subsection of that Patton wasn’t sure how to explain. Listen to Roman? Be clear about your wants in a romantic relationship? It was hard for Patton to follow those in his OWN dating life. He realized more and more issues to bring up to Remus after this resolved somehow. “Well, it would probably be helpful to listen to what Roman wants in the relationship and have him listen to what you would want. And then… based on that, work on how to do that together or if that’s not compatible… Break off the romantic relationship because it would probably be healthier that way.”

Virgil whistled lowly. “Dang, Pat. I was sort of expecting a follow your heart thing. But, thank you. I guess that would mean confronting the issues, which is quite honestly terrifying. I should probably do that now or something…” He stood up, holding his head from doing it too fast and made his way to the door. Patton remained on the floor a moment longer before following.

Remus was back to listening to music while Roman was scrolling on his phone as Remus played with his hair idly. Virgil grabbed the fabric of his jacket before walking to the loveseat. He heard Patton close his door and almost jumped out of his skin. He took a deep breath. “Roman? Maybe we should try again with that discussion… I don’t want this to be screaming. I like you, a lot. What do you say?”

He made brief eye contact with Roman, seeing the dried tears and puffy eyes, but he nodded and sat up. Remus gave Virgil a raised eyebrow but said nothing. “Okay.” Roman croaked. Patton walked to the kitchen almost immediately to give both of them glasses of water to fight back against what the yelling and tears did to their throats. “You can start.”

“Should we leave?” Remus asked, as Patton handed the glass to Virgil and then Roman. Patton sat down at the one chair in the room, but didn’t get comfortable just in case. “I mean it’s your conversation.”

“You can stay. I don’t want to yell again. A mediator would be good.” Like it helped before, Remus thought to himself, but stayed put. Virgil cleared his throat with a small cough and took a sip of water. “I’m starting? Okay. I feel like I'm not getting a lot of romantic affection lately in our relationship that I would really appreciate. We don’t really kiss or anything and I would like to know if that’s because of me or not. You can go now.”

Roman blinked and used a tissue from the side table to clean up his face as he spoke. “Thank you for telling me that, Virgil… I didn’t realize that you wanted affectionate stuff that badly. I feel like I don’t need that in my relationships and I’ve been questioning my sexuality and romantic orientations for a while. And I probably should’ve brought this up earlier but… I think I’m…” He looked down at the ground. “I think I’m aromantic.” He sounded like he was about to cry again. Remus looked at Patton with wide eyes.

Patton returned the look as Virgil talked next. “Oh. Roman, I’m so sorry about the fuckbuddy comment, shit. I didn’t realize… but I’m proud of you for finding that out about yourself. Maybe it would be healthier if we broke up, huh?”

Roman laughed, new tears falling down his face. The two embraced each other, laughing while crying. “Yeah, I guess we are breaking up then!”

It would hurt for a while, and the change was definitely huge but it was better. But after witnessing that Patton and Remus knew that they had to talk. The only question was who would be the first to bring it up?

Remus and Patton were on Patton’s bed, making out. Which was fine, neither of their roommates were home and it was fun. The issues came up when Patton’s hand went under Remus’s shirt. “Is this okay?” He asked. It all came crashing down when Remus shook his head no. They stopped immediately and fell onto the bed looking up at the ceiling next to each other. “We should talk about this. Not that you didn’t want to, just that we need to define better boundaries for our relationship.”

“You’re right. We should talk about this.” Remus gulped. Apparently it was already happening. After two weeks but it still didn’t feel like enough time. “Patt, I love you… But I don’t know about fucking.”

“Crass, but I get it. Are you… asexual?” He looked over at his boyfriend, who shrugged. “Well, that’s fine too. So no sexual stuff. Got it. Anything else that would cross the line that we should talk about?”

Remus was tempted just to shrug again but didn’t. “I don’t know yet. After Roman finding out he’s aromantic I’ve been thinking. I still want to be with you, but can I give you everything you want in a relationship? I don’t think I… I don’t think I NEED or WANT sex at all, but I haven’t decided yet. I’m so fucking confused.”

“I may want it, Remus but I don’t think it’s a need in our relationship.” Patton reassured. And he wasn’t lying either. He believed what he was saying, glad that his conversations with Janus had also gotten him to check his own wants and needs in general. “I think I’m alright like this, but it’s important for me to know for sure.”

He reached out for Remus’s hand, and he took it. They looked up at the ceiling, with a feeling of clarity that helped them relax. It wasn’t really a change at all, but it gave reason to actions and made sure they wouldn’t make the other uncomfortable. And that was worth it.

Taglist: @vpow @loveroffandoms @yourfellowsmolgay @moth-bugs @vsem-5

#remus sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #prinxiety #intruality #past prinxiety #romantic intruality #asexual remus #aromantic roman #sander sides #sander sides fanfiction #writing #emile writes #fake shitpost

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yicruz48 · 4 years

Text

Teen Titans Review: Annual #2 Part 2

August/26/2020

Part 1

This again pushes the narrative of Damian as the angry aggressor with no self-control nor a ability to be conscious of how his own actions hurt other people.

I am not denying that Damian hasn’t been extreme before or has a temper but if written correctly he would have enough awareness to feel guilt for what he did to Emiko and not act so aggressively towards Bruce.

This is another section of the issue that I feel conflicted about how to feel about this for several reasons:

-> The things Damian says in these panels aren’t all false :

I wouldn’t be sincere in this review if I didn’t acknowledge the truth to Damian’s comparison. In the last two years real time the Wayne Manor has become a sort of coffin and tomb. A manor that only carries the echoes of those who used to live there.

After a while, I could imagine it would be distressing to visit the Manor because it would remind them of the people who weren’t there anymore.

-> I fear Anti’s will look at these panels and try to justify Damian as a bad person:

I asked my older brother (Who doesn’t know much about comics besides the bit I tell him) to read the interactions in this issue and give me his opinion on them.

“To me it feels like the writer is trying to show Damian is conflicted and not in the right headspace therefore showing him erupting into a fight with Bruce violently but...I can definitely see how someone who doesn’t like Damian could turn this narrative against him.”

And I agree with him. As much as dislike these direction in writing for Damian, I do see what Thompson was trying to do here (and since the beginning of the run). It hasn’t been executed well, but he has been trying to get the reader to sympathize with Damian (more than Glass that is).

And I believe it is trying to show that Damian is at his wits end, not thinking right-well-I mean-Damian hasn’t been thinking right in TT since 2018, but I guess he’s really not in the right headspace.

But I have the same fear that my brother mentioned, if you look at these same panels through the same lens of someone who doesn’t particularly like Damian you look at this and think is horrible. I can already imagine what they’d say:

“Look at how badly Damian treats his father!”

Although your supposed to look at this as Damian having a outburst after keeping in it for so long and not being emotionally-neglected by his father.

“Alfred’s death was hard for Bruce too, Damian needs to stop acting like he is the only one who is hurt.”

Even though Bruce is an adult and Damian is a teen(a severely-damaged one at that) and you know...BRUCE DIDN’T COMFORT DAMIAN AFTER ALFRED DIED...

And this further expressed in Detective Comics where Damian causally mentions that he is surprised that his father contacted him.

Like...um...Damian is a 13-year-old boy...are you really telling me Bruce hasn’t contacted his own underaged son especially after Alfred died?

“Dick just got shot and lost his memories. He didn’t die. Why is he acting like he died?”

I talk more about Damian’s and Dick’s relationship here.

But to put it simply, Dick is one of the only people Damian trusts to be vulnerable with. Damian is extremely independent yet depends on him the most. This is expressed many times in the beginning of rebirth (specifically in the Nightwing and Batman comics). Losing that connection is extremely damaging to Damian.

Moving on, I actually appreciated this scene with Crush. I happy that she kept the group from intervening between Bruce and Damian.

With the track record of how “great” the Teen Titans are at handling situations them getting in the middle of the fight would’ve made this worse.

Plus I liked that she recognized that this was something personal. So far, I’ve felt like the majority of the Teen Titans have antagonized Damian and it felt refreshing to see Crush realize that Damian’s actions are more personal than they thought.

But at the same time, I don’t know how to take this. I feel like they also wrote this in order prop her up to be the new leader in the next issues so at the same time it feels a little insincere.

I already said this in part 1 of the review but I am grateful for the decency DC or Thompson had to give us some personal reasonings for his actions, but again, it doesn’t work as a good trigger nor does it hold the same hype it would’ve if written earlier when it happened, not months after it happened.

One of the only things about these panels that I have to say is that I saw some people theorizing on twitter that perhaps Damian was expecting to be punished by his father because of how his other brothers have been treated by Bruce. But I really don’t know myself how to interpret it.

Why is Damian questioning why Bruce isn’t fighting back?

-> Was he expecting Bruce to punish him?

-> Was Damian expecting his father to challenge his new beliefs?

Because Bruce doesn’t really challenge Damian’s beliefs at the end, if anything, it seems like Bruce gives up trying to reason with Damian.

Which is sad if you look back to this panel in Batman and Robin 2011:

Jumping back on track, and then we have this panel:

Which is yet again another panel that I feel conflicted about.

I guess it’s nice Bruce finally told his son that he loves him, but also it’s a little to late now. Bruce should’ve expressed compassion to Damian when he had the chance, and he had a lot chances to do this:

-> On his 13th birthday.

-> By being more involved in his life.

-> When Dick got shot to remind Damian he had someone there for him despite Dick not being there.

-> When Alfred died in front of him. That was most likely traumatizing for him, would’ve been nice to have someone there to comfort him.

I feel like I keep repeating myself, but again, this four pages are difficult to interpret.

“Everything...lead...to...THIS”

-> I’m taking this as Damian concluding that being Robin (and everything that encompasses including the no killing rule) lead to him losing people he loved and eventually not being Robin.

“You will never truly see me so long as I am in your shadow.”

-> Damian thinking that Bruce won’t take him seriously if he is Robin?

-> Thinking that Bruce won’t ever truly see who he really is if he is Robin?

“Now I am finally free.”

-> Damian implicating that being Robin was a burden and/or restricted him from doing what he thinks is “right?”

As a Damian stan the last four pages were the most painful to read. Seeing Damian leave the Robin title frustrates me soo much.

Conclusions and Predictions:

-> This issue was not as bad as I thought (but still bad):

For one, I am glad Bruce didn’t beat up Damian.

I am glad they had the decency to give Damian more personal reasons to go down this path even if it was late.

-> (I’m gonna start talking about the art more in my reviews)

Pansica is a very talented artist BUT I personally don’t think he was the best choice to draw a comic with teens. The adults in this issue were drawn great but I feel like drawing teens is not his strong point.

There was points in this comics were Damian looked unpleasant and I think it was because Pansica tends to be very detailed although a lot detail does a disservice to drawing teens. As a artist myself, I lay off the details when drawing children since it often ages them more if you put more detail.

Maiolo’s colors are good. I don’t know if it was a conscious decision or not but the dullness of the color really emphasizes the darker vibe of this issue.

-> Thompson didn’t fail me this issue, he still manage to make me hate Roundhouse more than last issue :)

He also really pushed that unnecessary Emiko X Wallace ship in the middle of this issue. I think the bothers me about this relationship is that they gotten closer because of Damian killing. I really don’t vibe with that.

-> Bruce just suddenly offering a hug after giving Damian death stares at the beginning just confuses me.

-> Teen Titan’s didn’t ever take Deathstroke go and basically let him go unless he’ll be appearing next issue.

-> So far Damian sucks as being a villian/anti-hero, he failed both at killing KGBeast and Deathstroke.

-> Hate that once again, most of the blame was thrown at Damian.

->To Damian, being Robin was the best thing to happen to him.

It allowed him to see the mistakes in his past(that he was made to do) and work towards becoming a better person...in other words, it granted him an opportunity to redeem himself.

Not only that, but it granted him the opportunity to honor the people who helped him become a better person (Dick and Bruce).

And even Damian felt like he needed to “prove” that he could be Robin because I think even Damian felt like he didn’t deserve it or wasn’t good enough.

What this comic has done with him is atrocious and will always be no matter the outcome.

I have a petition related to Damian here. I would appreciate it if you shared and signed.

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thebonggirll · 4 years

Text

Chapter 21 - Hero Name

Chapter 20

After the sports festival, Iida's big brother was all over the news. It turned out that he was attacked in Hosu City, Tokyo. The person responsible apparently already killed 17 heroes in the past, and hurt 23 heroes so badly that they were beyond recovery. He is known as the elusive hero killer, Stain. The first thing Y/N did after reaching home and hearing the news was to send him a text about her concerns. But Iida soon called her, telling her not to worry about it at all.

She knew it wasn't fine. It was the tone he was talking in. There was something different. He was upset but she couldn't push him to talk about the issue. They weren't that close and she thought that he needed some time. As if it wasn't enough that he was going through such a hard time, that the media was speaking about it daily. But that wasn’t all that they focused on.

In the days after the sports festival ended, Y/N wasn't left so alone by the paparazzi after the revelation of her identity and her family background. They were there whenever she was out with her friends, or with her family - all eager to get some reaction out of her about the viral picture of her and Todoroki. She was just glad that it wasn't as inappropriate, as she feared. But well, some of the media was ruthless as usual and so was some of the comments. While most articles about her were positive, some of them were used mainly to slander her brother and family's image. That was their target anyway. To find some kind of dirt in the entertainment industry, especially an idol that the public adored. Y/N might've been kept away from such things by her parents but she knew all about how media worked and what would make people click on their content.

But she was glad that her brother also had some really good number of fans who criticized the articles. Although her parents did have the power to take the articles down because of defamation, they didn't do it. According to Y/N's own words, she didn't want her parents to interfere or take any steps on behalf of her. That will give more ideas to the media about how "her influential family were making sure to shut them up with their power". And besides, she wasn't under their company that they will file "defamation" against them.

The next day after the sports festival, Y/N woke up in the afternoon and the first thing she did was to check the social media, ofcourse. Her phone was blowing up. She gained a good number of followers but then she did notice the viral pictures and videos.

Todoroki was melting the ice stuck on her feet and holding onto her waist and balancing her weight. After a moment when the ice was halfway melted, Todoroki hugged her close, making sure she didn't fall on her ass and cause anymore injury. Her head slowly moved forward and rested on his chest. When he was done melting the ice, the medical team came and took her in.

Oh, these pictures and videos had some creative headlines too.

'Endeavor's son and Y/L/N's daughter gives off a cinematic ending!' , 'Todoroki melts ice for Y/N, along with our hearts! ' , 'A new bubbling love in hero course.'

And ofcourse, the comments under it. Some were really nasty - nitpicking on her physical appearance, her flaws, how she's not cut out for hero course, how she could've been better as an idol like Haruto. But some were really good - appreciating her powers, her incredible moves on Iida and Shiozaki, how she was the only girl on the top three position.

She avoided meeting with Shinsou in fear of getting him dragged in another controversy, but they did start talking. Although, she knew she had to give a statement about all the rumors and she was more than ready to give a piece of her mind. She talked to Todoroki about it and apologized for involving him in anything like this. One thing that she learned from her attempt to befriend Shinsou for her benefit is that "communication is the key" and apologizing helps lighten the burden of carrying a guilt.

And obviously, class 1-A group chat was filled with her classmates teasing both of them except for some like Tokoyami, Momo and Bakugou.

After her little bold statement on her way home, she felt a bit shy to talk to him again. Yes, she did look at him with her cheeks going red but she knew she needed to do this. So that Bakugou couldn't suspect anything. He would be suspicious if she avoided looking at him completely.

But the thing is...it felt like even Bakugou was avoiding speaking to her. It just became awkward. She didn't know how to start talking and he had no idea what to talk or tease her about when he knew the kind of reaction he had on his face, the time she left.

He was blushing, but he wasn't sure if she noticed it. If she did, it would definitely feel awkward talking to her. And for Bakugou to feel like this was a first for him. He never felt awkward to talk to someone. He always had one outburst and it was enough for the other person to talk back to him. They were always fighting and teasing each other, sure, but it turned out to be difficult when both of them spoke their minds for the very first time to each other. They spoke sincerely with each other and he was aware of that.

When Y/N entered the class, her friends weren't teasing her about the incident anymore when they learned how it upset her. She looked at her seat and the blonde sitting before her, who was looking out of the window, his face resting on his hand.

She quietly walked and sat down with a sigh leaving her lips. Kyoka along with Midoriya joined to talk to her.

"So? How did it go? What did you say to the reporters?" Kyoka asked.

"When I came out of the house, some of the reporters were already there, so I just decided to listen to them for once. Besides, it looked like some of these reporters were rookies. And I just said that he is a friend and because I was in a bad situation, he just decided to help me out. And that was what any hero would've done in their situation. If he is going to be a hero, then he will help millions of people out there," Y/N said, "And I said, instead of following around an idol's sister for a topic that most of the public won't care about unless it involves my family, they should concentrate on other news. They would never get a hot topic out of me."

"And that's it right? You didn't go overboard with your rant right?" Midoriya questioned her nervously.

"....No."

"You fucking did, didn't you?" Kyoka sighed, furrowing her brows.

"Look it wasn't too harsh and they did infact leave me alone. I just said that all those companies that made articles like this are all listed by Haruto's agency and they know now exactly who are after to slander their image or make money out of misinformations. It would take them one word from me and my parents to file a restraining order against all of them and get police protection if they further continue to follow me or are seen anywhere near our neighborhood. I was polite."

"Darling, you need to understand that you are pretty fucking rude even when you talk politely. You'll be lucky if they don't hate you after that." Kyoka said.

"Nah, I just asked them to work on something they are genuinely passionate about. Not only would they enjoy it, they will also make sure it is done perfectly. And I am sure their news agency would appreciate the work when it's done. I just gave them some pep talk and support, that's it. Besides, I'm sure they didn't become journalists to stalk some celebrity's sister."

"Does everyone in our class talking about themselves getting famous bother you?" Midoriya asked.

"What? No, ofcourse not. Dude, even I enjoy some attention. You know, about my abilities and stuff. But not this much where they'll follow me everywhere. That shit is annoying."

The door opened and Aizawa walked in saying, "Morning."

"Ribbit, Mr. Aizawa you don't have bandages anymore. That's good news." Tsuyu said.

"The old lady went a little overboard in her treatment. Anyway, we have a big class today on Hero Informatics," Aizawa replied, "You need codenames. Time to pick your hero identities. This is related to the pro hero draft picks the last time we were in class together. Normally students don't have to worry about their draft yet, not until they're in the second or third year actually. But your class is different. Infact, by extending offers to first years like you, pros are investigating on your potential. Any offers can be resended if their interest in you dies down before graduation."

"So what you're saying is that we've still got to prove ourselves after we gotten recruited?" Toru asked.

"Correct." Aizawa said and turned around, "Now here are the totals for those of you got offers."

The board didn't have everyone's name. Ofcourse, Todoroki and Bakugou got the most with 4123 and 3556 offers respectively. And then there was Y/N Y/L/N with 1812 offers. She didn't expect much because of the recent rumors and fainting during the fight, but half of her knew some would contact her in the hope of getting exposure and fame.

And she just needed some information from her parents about which hero agency is associated with which other companies, if she wanted to work on her skill. Oh yeah, Y/N wanted to work on her quirk control. She needed to know more about her quirk.

"In past years it was more spread out. But there's a pretty huge gap this time." Aizawa said.

"Todoroki got the most ahead of Bakugou?" Kyoka commented.

"Yeah, it's the opposite of how they were placed in the festival." Kirishima said.

"They probably weren't eager to work with a guy who had to be chained up in the end." Sero said.

"If I scared a pro, they're just weak!" Bakugou yelled, as expected.

"Nah, I think most of them just find you hard to deal with." Y/N muttered.

"I can hear you bastard!" Bakugou said, looking at her. She looked back up, trying her best to suppress her smile, relieved that not much has changed between them. Bakugou looked at her expression and it reminded him of what they talked about. Within two seconds, he whipped his head back and was staring at Aizawa.

Aizawa continued, ignoring the comments, "But every single one of you have to work under a hero. Eventhough you have an idea of how villains attack, working alongside of proheros is good for experience and knowledge how things work. And for that you need hero names. Keep in mind, this these hero names are going to be temporary. But take them seriously, or -"

"-you'll have hell to pay later." Midnight completed his sentence and walked in the class.

Aizawa took out his sleeping bag and said before getting in, "Midnight's going to have final approval over your names. It's not my forte."

Y/N looked at the white board passed on to her by Bakugou in front of her. She took it and passed the rest back. Looking around the class, she observed some done in seconds while some staring at the white board. She knew that if she named herself something awful, it might be stuck with her forever, especially when media has a few eyes set on her. A number of people went before her, but she finally found a name. Something that described her quirk and, well, she heard a conspiracy theory about it. Slowly, Y/N raised her hand as Midnight called her.

She blushed looking at the whole class staring at her and said, "I-I like the name - Europa." She immediately heard Midnight's enthusiastic voice reacting to her choice of hero name, and felt relieved.

"Excellent choice! You named it after Jupiter's moon which has an ocean of liquid water beneath the ice?"

"Yes ma'am." She smiled in contentment and went back to her seat.

She peeked from behind Bakugou's shoulder trying to look at his name. He immediately shot his head back and looked at her with a frown, feeling her presence. He was finding it difficult to come up with a name.

"What?" Y/N asked with an innocent face.

"Don't put that crap in front of me grandma."

"...I told you to stop calling me that." Y/N smacked his shoulder lightly.

Bakugou didn't react to it and got up to present his hero name, King Explosion Murder, which amused Y/N and she hid her face, trying not to laugh out loud. He was told to change it but once again, he just changed the word King to Lord.

Aizawa got out from his sleeping bag, and rearranged the forms saying, "Now that everyone has decided on their hero names, we can go back to talk about your upcoming internships. That will last for one week. As for who you'll be working with, those of you are mentioned on board and got offers will get to choose from them. Everyone else will have a different list. You've a lot to think about. There are around 48 agencies around the country who've agreed to take on interns from your class. Each agency has a different specialty that it's heroes focus on, keep that in mind. So think carefully and turn in your choices before the weekend. You're dismissed."

After putting much thought about what agency to join, she decided to take on the offer from the Aquamarine Agency near Tokyo Bay. She did some research and found out the kind of agency it was. Since Tokyo is a busy city, there are agencies that handle small parts of the city. And the biggest agency working to keep the waters of Tokyo Bay safe was this particular agency. Since it is a big city, there's also a few murders and deaths that the agency has to inform to the police. And often they have to fight villains to avoid such instances. The risk was high, but if Y/N wanted to put effort on controlling her quirk and learning about strength, offensive techniques as well as the defensive ones, she had to work here.

It wasn't so surprising for her to find that Bakugou joined the No.4 Hero Jeanist. She figured, he would join something that was top dog, something that dealt with more fights. Midoriya got one offer from someone and he wanted to join, because he trained All Might as well. Kyoka joined Death Arms Hero Agency and Todoroki joined Endeavor. She guessed it was Midoriya's influence that made him finally be able to handle stuffs about his father maturely. But the one that bugged her the most was Iida's choice of agency. She didn't know whether it was just a coincidence but she had every reason to doubt considering the location of the agency was Hosu City.

Maybe she was just overthinking, but Y/N felt something was going on with Iida. Midoriya and Ochaco told him to talk to them when everyone was at the station with their luggage, leaving for their internship. He replied with just a 'yes' and left.

His smile should've been enough to convince them, but it wasn't. His body language was screaming the exact opposite.

Chapter 22

SEASON - II

Ignite

MASTERLIST

tags: @captncappuccino

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last--exit · 3 years

Text

dancing on broken glass.

“Shit, this is so nerve-racking…” you whispered to yourself.

It had been a long few months, but you were in the home stretch now. Planning a wedding had been so stressful, so draining, but it was almost the big day. You had to go through a lot, getting venues, finding someone to play music, a caterer, getting the perfect dress, and so much more. But the hard work was going to be worth it. You’d be married soon, and you were just glad all of your wedding-related anxieties would be gone.

You stood at the entrance of the church, alone, looking around. It was way bigger than you’d wanted it to be, but Zack, your fiancé, insisted that he wanted it to be as grand and lavish as possible. His family was huge and rich, and they spoiled the two of you with every single thing you wanted. It was strange, you had come from a small town and your family often struggled to make ends meet, so the lifestyle change was pretty drastic.

“I thought I’d find you here.” you heard from behind you.

You turned to see Jeff, who was one of your closest friends. He walked up the steps toward you, his hands in his pockets. He stood next to you and looked inside at the church. You looked away from him and returned your gaze to the lavishly decorated interior of the church, then back to Jeff, unable to stop the giggle that escaped you.

“What?” he asked, smiling.

“It’s just funny, seeing you here. This church is so…elaborate and expensive looking. And you’re, well, you’re Jeff.” you laughed again. “I swear I’m not making fun of you.”

“I get it.” he laughed as well.

“What are you doing here? Did you wanna come to check out the decorations to decide if you actually wanna come to the wedding? I could always sneak in an extra chair for you.”

“I told you months ago that I wasn’t coming. I didn’t change my mind.”

“Nothing wrong with remaining hopeful.” you shrugged.

“Where’s the fiancé?”

“He’s having his bachelor party tonight.”

“The night before the wedding?”

“I know.” you sighed. “I think it’s a bad idea. I spent so much time trying to get all of this together and I’m just worried he’s gonna show up to our wedding hungover or that he’ll want to leave the reception early or something. But, he is who he is and he insists everything is going to be fine.”

The two of you stood in silence. You turned your attention back to the church once again, still trying to take everything in. All of the hard work you had put in was going to come to fruition the next day. It was exciting, yet terrifying at the same time. You had gone over everything at least a dozen times, making sure that everything had been done and that you hadn’t forgotten about anything. The stress was so bad that you had cried on several occasions.

“Are you doing anything?” Jeff asked.

“No, Zack has the house to himself and all of his friends for the party and I wasn’t planning on going back until later tonight. I was just gonna go get something to eat and find some way to pass the time.” you shrugged.

“Let’s go to my place. I’ll order us some food and we can hang out.”

“I’d like that. It’ll be nice to just…unwind a little bit.”

The two of you headed out, walking in the direction of Jeff’s apartment. It had been a few weeks since you’d last seen Jeff, or any of your friends, for that matter. It was nice being able to see him and spend time with him once again, especially after the stress you’d had to endure.

After a few minutes, the two of you made it to Jeff’s place. You immediately kicked your shoes off and plopped down onto the couch while he grabbed the phone to order some pizza. You laid your head back on the couch and closed your eyes for what felt like a moment.

“Hey!” Jeff called.

Your head snapped up, eyes wide. You realized you had fallen asleep, completely unintentionally. You weren’t surprised you had, though. You hadn’t gotten a proper night’s sleep in at least a month. You rubbed your eyes and pulled your feet up onto the couch, crossing your legs.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep,” you said.

“Don’t worry about it. Do you still wanna eat? The pizza is here,” he replied, gesturing to the box on the coffee table. “Or you can go take a nap in my bed if you want.”

“I’ll eat.” you nodded.

He put two slices of pizza on a plate and handed it to you. The two of you sat, eating your pizza while some random sitcom played on the TV. You felt better after you’d finished eating. Jeff went to the kitchen after you were done and grabbed some beers for the two of you.

“Are you nervous?” Jeff asked, turning to look at you.

“More than I ever thought I’d be.” you nodded, taking a sip of your beer. “I don’t know why. Maybe it’s just from all of the stress of having arranged everything. I’m scared of things not going according to plan, I guess.”

“You worked yourself way too hard.”

“I know. But I just needed everything to be perfect, you know? And now that the time is almost here, I can feel everything kind of building up. I’m simultaneously feeling no stress and tons of stress. I don’t know how that’s possible.”

“At least it’s almost all over with, right?”

“Exactly. And if this marriage doesn’t work out, I don’t think I want to try again. This has been way too much for me.”

“You’re already thinking about if it doesn’t work out?”

“I was joking, Jeff.” you laughed. “But I guess I do worry about that stuff. Sometimes I worry that I’m too young to be taking such a huge step in my life.”

“Cold feet?” he raised an eyebrow.

“No, no, it’s not that. I…I love Zack.”

An awkward silence passed between the two of you, filled only by the sounds from the TV. Jeff grabbed the remote and switched the TV off. He moved a bit closer to you, looking at you with worry in his eyes.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked quietly. “Do you really want to marry him?”

You were stunned by the question. No one had ever asked you that before. The only thing that had been on your mind since Zack proposed to you was having the perfect wedding. You had never really stopped to ask yourself if it was what you truly wanted.

“I-I don’t know,” you mumbled, looking down at your hands.

“Maybe you need to take some time to think about it.”

“The wedding is tomorrow. I can’t just put it off because I don’t know what I want.”

“You might end up regretting it.”

“And I might not. I’ve already put so much into this. I can’t just run away now.”

“You need to stop and think about this,” he urged, putting a hand on top of yours. “You’re less than 24 hours away from getting married and you’re not even sure if you want to. You can’t force yourself into it.”

“Jeff, I get what you’re saying. I appreciate what you’re trying to do. But you don’t understand everything I’ve had to go through to make this a possibility,” you insisted, tears stinging at the corners of your eyes. “This might be the only chance of a decent future for me.”

“You don’t know that.”

“You’re right, I don’t. But I don’t want to risk it.”

He let go of your hand, still looking at you. You could tell by the look on his face that he wanted to say something, but you weren’t quite sure what. You sighed to yourself, taking a few more sips from your beer. The tension in the air was palpable and you felt extremely uncomfortable.

“Why did you decide that you didn’t want to come to the wedding?” you asked, trying your best to shift the focus of the conversation.

“I already told you.” he shrugged. “I just wouldn’t feel comfortable there. Zack’s family don’t seem like the type of people who would want someone like me around.”

“They’re nicer than you’d think.”

“Sure, nice to you because you’re marrying into that fucked up family.”

“I guess you do have a point,” you paused for a moment. “But it doesn’t seem like that’s all there is to it.”

“What do you mean?”

“I know you well, Jeff. We’ve been friends for years and you’ve never struck me as the kind of person to avoid confrontation. Since when do you care about making people uncomfortable? I’ve seen you get into fights over less.”

“I have my reasons,” he replied stubbornly.

“I just wanted you there because you’re one of the people I feel the most comfortable around. Even more than Zack sometimes. I guess it just hurts that you’re not going to be there.”

You saw a sad look pass over his face before he looked down, his shoulders slumped. You hadn’t wanted to hurt his feelings, but his decision to not come to the wedding had been bothering you for a while. There was a nagging feeling that there was something he wasn’t telling you, but you had never said anything about it. You just wanted to know what was going on.

“I can’t watch you marry him,” he muttered.

“Why?”

“I…care about you a lot. I don’t want to just sit by and watch you do this.”

“Why do you seem to think I’m incapable of making good decisions?”

“I never said that. But I just know this is going to end badly.”

“Jeff, you don’t know what you’re talking about.” you shook your head, standing up. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you but I can’t do this anymore right now. I’m stressed enough as is and having you question everything isn’t making things any better.”

You went to the door, slipping your shoes on. Jeff walked over to you with a nervous look on his face. You grabbed for the doorknob, turning your back to him. He grabbed your free wrist and you looked at him, huffing impatiently.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“It’s fine,” you replied. “I just need to go. I’ll see you soon.”

Before he could say anything else, you pulled your wrist out of his hand and opened the door, letting it slam shut behind you as you walked down the hallway. As you walked back home, everything Jeff said was floating around in your mind, making you question everything. You didn’t need all of this confusion, definitely not the night before your wedding.

You took the long way home so you had some more time to think. Surely it was normal to have doubts before getting married. But what was considered a normal amount of doubts? At what point were you just trying to fool yourself into thinking the marriage could work? Forcing yourself to push through it certainly wouldn’t make things better.

The more you thought, the more confused you got. If Jeff hadn’t gotten you thinking about every single doubt, you wouldn’t have been in that position. Though you soon realized that if he hadn’t brought them to your attention, they would have surfaced eventually, later down the road when it would be harder to do something about it.

You finally made it home, and as you walked up the driveway to your house, you noticed there were still several cars there. The party clearly hadn’t ended yet, and you were hoping your arrival wouldn’t put a damper on things. You noticed a couple of cars that you didn’t recognize but thought nothing of it as you opened the front door.

The sounds of loud music and cheering immediately overwhelmed you as you walked into the house. You shut the door behind you and kicked your shoes off. You were about to make your way up to your bedroom to get some much-needed sleep, but when you heard Zack’s voice from the living room, you figured you’d quickly greet him and his friends.

Walking through the kitchen, you stopped when you noticed something on the floor. It was a t-shirt, and just a few feet in front of that was a skirt. Confused, you continued walking, stopping in the doorway to the living room. Your eyes widened as you took in the scene in front of you.

There was Zack, your fiancé, the man who was to be your husband, sitting on a chair in the middle of the living room, pants around his ankles with a naked woman on her knees in front of him. It was like a car crash, you knew you had to look away but you couldn’t. It was horrifying and you felt like you were going to be sick.

You turned away, unsure of what to do next. After a moment, you ran upstairs, locking yourself in the bathroom. You sat on the floor, back pressed up against the wall, crying harder than you’d ever cried before.

Someone must have noticed your presence because the music was shut off, and you could hear shuffling and mumbling as people left the house. The front door slammed shut and you heard footsteps coming up the stairs and approaching the bathroom door. There was a quiet knock, and you heard Zack say your name.

“It wasn’t what it looked like,” he said.

“That’s all you have to say to defend yourself?” you replied, sniffling. “What was it, then?”

“The guys decided that since it’s my last night before we’re married, I should get to have some fun. I didn’t want to, but-“

“Oh yeah, Zack, it looked like you were absolutely miserable. You were really trying to fight her off, huh? Tell me, did she finish you off before you came up here?”

“I wouldn’t expect you to understand. This is normal, all guys do this kind of stuff right before they get married.”

“It’s normal to cheat on your partner the night before you vow to be with them for the rest of your life?”

“Well, usually the partner doesn’t find out…” he muttered.

“I can’t believe you would do this to me. I spent all of my time trying to make everything perfect. I went out of my comfort zone because of what you wanted, and for what? So you could throw everything away the night before? I’m so disgusted with you right now.”

“I know you’re hurt now, but we can move past this.”

“You don’t even feel bad about any of this, do you?”

“I feel bad that you’re hurt by it. But we can’t dwell on this right now. We’ve got a lot to do tomorrow. I’m going to bed, I suggest you do the same.”

You heard his footsteps fade and you remained sitting on the bathroom floor, staring into space. How were you supposed to do anything after what you had just seen? Was he still expecting that the two of you were going to be married the next day?

After what felt like hours, you got up off the floor and exited the bathroom. As you passed by the bedroom, you heard Zack snoring. You were disgusted. How could he sleep so soundly after what he had just done to your relationship?

You headed downstairs to the living room. Everything was a bit cleaner than it had been when you’d come home, but there were still empty beer bottles all over the tables, crumbs on the floor, and to your dismay, that damn chair still sitting in the middle of the living room, mocking you. You nudged it out of sight with your foot, not wanting to touch it.

It was almost a certainty that you weren’t going to be sleeping that night. Not only did you have everything that Jeff had said bouncing around in your mind, but you also had to worry about what you were going to do the next day.

You laid down on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. There was no way you were marrying Zack. He didn’t deserve you. He didn’t deserve anyone or anything. He was still somehow convinced that you were going to marry him. But you were going to make sure that he would be as miserable as you.

—

You were awoken by someone shouting your name. You opened your eyes to see the hairdresser you had hired standing over you, a panicked look on her face. You sat up slowly, stretching your arms above your head and yawning.

“There are only three more hours until the wedding starts!” she screeched, her hands shaking.

“It’ll be fine.” you shrugged. “I have to do a few things. Meet me at the church, you can get me ready there. It’ll be easier.”

“That wasn’t what was planned at all!”

“Well, it’s what’s planned now. If you have a problem with it, we’ll pay you extra. My fiancé will be more than happy to do anything to make this day perfect.”

You could see that she looked like she was about to blow up, but the thought of getting paid extra was too tempting for her. She quickly nodded and headed out the front door, slamming it shut behind her. You smiled to yourself, realizing the amount of chaos you could cause.

You headed upstairs, going to the bedroom and sighing with relief when you noticed that Zack was nowhere to be found. You looked out the window and saw that his car was gone. It would make things a hell of a lot easier if no one was around.

Grabbing a giant suitcase out of the closet, you threw everything you could into it, knowing for a fact that you would never be going back to that house again. Thankfully, you didn’t own very much, so there was more than enough room to store everything.

As you looked through the closet, you saw your wedding dress on the hanger, looking absolutely beautiful. You frowned, knowing that you’d never get a chance to wear it. You grabbed it and held it in front of yourself, smirking.

“Fuck it,” you said to yourself.

You quickly stripped all of your clothes off, throwing them into the suitcase as well. You put your wedding dress on, smiling as you admired yourself in the mirror. Even though you had just woken up, you felt gorgeous in it. You decided that you were going to keep it. After all that Zack had put you through, you figured taking the expensive dress would be a good enough way to get back at him, in addition to everything else you were planning.

After you zipped yourself into the dress as best you could on your own, you closed the suitcase and dragged it behind you. You went into the bathroom, putting your hair up in a messy ponytail before heading downstairs. You left your suitcase by the front door and went into the kitchen, grabbing the phone and dialling the caterer’s phone number.

“Hello?” she answered.

“Hey, I just wanted to let you know that the wedding is off,” you said.

“What?!” she shrieked. “But…but we already made all of the food! What are we going to do with all of this?”

“Hm, take it down to the local homeless shelters. I’m sure they would love it! Don’t worry about payment, my fiancé will cover the cost of everything.”

You hung up the phone, laughing to yourself. You made a couple more phone calls, one to the pastor who was meant to be officiating the wedding to tell him what Zack had done and another to the manager of the reception venue to tell him you weren’t going to be needing it anymore. When he told you that there would be a large fee for sudden cancellation, you smiled to yourself as you told him your fiancé would take care of everything.

After you were thoroughly happy with the chaos you had caused, you called a cab. When the cab arrived, you threw your suitcase in the trunk and got in. The driver looked confused by your choice of attire. Unsure of where else you could go, you gave him Jeff’s address. You hoped Jeff would be willing to speak to you after everything that happened the previous night. You felt like an idiot for ignoring him.

When you arrived, you paid the driver and grabbed your suitcase out of the trunk, heading up to Jeff’s apartment. You knocked on the door, hoping he was home. You waited for a moment, and when you were just about to knock again, the door opened. Jeff was standing in the doorway shirtless, rubbing his eyes.

“What the-, “ he said.

“It’s a long story,” you replied. “Can I come in?”

He stepped aside and let you in, closing the door once you were inside. You put your suitcase down and went into the living room, sitting down on the couch. Jeff sat next to you, and you could see the confusion written all over his face.

“I have so many questions.” he chuckled.

“I can only imagine.” you laughed. “It’s not every day that a girl shows up at your door in a wedding dress carrying a suitcase.”

“So, tell me what happened.”

“Zack cheated on me.”

“Holy shit. How did you find out?”

“I walked in on it.”

“That’s fucking awful.” he groaned, visibly cringing.

“I knew right then and there that I wasn’t going to marry him. He was talking to me like everything was still okay. He didn’t even seem to think that what he had done was wrong.” you sighed. “I just wish I had listened to you when you said you knew it was going to end badly.”

“At least it happened before the wedding happened.”

“That’s about the only good thing about this situation. I spent so much time trying to put together the perfect day for us that I never stopped to think about if the relationship was working or if it was what I wanted out of life.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Why are you wearing the dress?”

“I wanted to take it. If I left it, I’d never get a chance to wear it. Plus, it feels kind of liberating in a way.”

“So, what now?”

“I don’t even know.” you sighed. “I guess I’ll just see what happens next. I assume Zack’s going to try and find me after all of this. The wedding should be starting pretty soon so I’m guessing everyone is really confused right now.”

“Well, then it’s probably a good thing that he doesn’t know where I live.” he laughed. “Why don’t you stay here? At least for a bit while you try and figure everything out.”

“I don’t want to impose.”

“You wouldn’t be.” he smiled. “I want to help you.”

You smiled back at him. He reached out and grabbed one of your hands, squeezing it softly. You squeezed his as well. He sighed quietly, looking down. You tilted your head to the side, confused.

“You were right,” Jeff mumbled.

“About what?”

“There was more to me not going to the wedding beyond the reason I gave you,” he said, lifting his head to look at you. “It would have been really difficult to sit there and watch you marry him. I guess I…wished it could have been me.”

You stared at him silently, letting what he had just said to you fully sink in. It took a moment to grasp what he was telling you. You’d never imagined that Jeff felt that way about you, but it made a lot of things make sense.

“Why didn’t you say something sooner?” you questioned.

“I guess I was afraid of ruining the relationship we already had. Plus, you’ve been dating Zack for a long time. I’d feel like an asshole if I told you how I felt while you were with another guy.”

“Jeff, I really appreciate the love and care that you have for me. And I hope you know that I love and care for you as well.” you smiled, squeezing his hand once again. “But, I just left my fiancé at the altar. I need to figure some things out.”

“I understand. I wasn’t expecting you to jump into my arms or anything like that. I just felt like I should tell you how I feel. I was going to last night, but it didn’t seem like a good time.”

“It definitely wouldn’t have been.” you chuckled. “At least I’m single now so you don’t have to feel as bad.”

“Do you think I have a chance?” he asked, smirking.

“Well, considering the fact that I’ve got a whole new future I never thought I’d have in front of me now, I’d say anything is possible.” you winked.

You leaned forward and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek as he laughed. Your wedding day definitely hadn’t gone as you’d planned. Instead of saying your vows at the altar in front of pretty much everyone you’d ever known, you were sitting on Jeff’s couch in your wedding dress, holding his hand and laughing. It wasn’t what you’d ever expected, but you wouldn’t trade it for anything else in the world.

#jeff ament #fic2

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journeysintowebcomics · 4 years

Text

Worm Liveblog #122

UPDATE 122: Kill the Endbringers

Last time Dinah had been taken to a hospital, and there was a very good chance Skitter would get everyone in trouble by letting her desires and ‘I know what’s good for you’ attitude cloud her judgment. Thankfully, she realized that before it was too late! Now what? Let’s find out.

Well looks like Dinah is convinced she won’t be accepted back into her home. Wow, the chapter has barely started and things are looking pretty rough already. Reminder Dinah is young. This kind of thoughts must hurt, wow. Skitter, trying to smooth things over, promises she will be received with arms wide open. Welcome home, Dinah!

“They will want you. Just wait,” I said. “They’ll welcome you with open arms, and there won’t even be a hint of fear.”

Oh dear. Don’t make promises that are out of your control, Skitter. Seriously, if this doesn’t go like she is saying it will...that’s going to scar Dinah so badly, and completely break her trust on Skitter. This is not good at all. I hope Dinah’s fears aren’t rooted in reality, I really do.

She even is worried because she looks pretty bad, consequences of Coil’s mistreatment and also the drugs. She thinks it’ll remind her family she has powers and freaks people out with predictions. Hmmmm...with some luck seeing her so...um, emaciated may invoke feelings of pity, perhaps some guilt if they’re aware Dinah feels so out of place. I almost would suggest she takes a look at the odds she will be welcomed back, but...but I fear they may not be favorable. Oh, geez...ignorance is bliss?

I’m not even human anymore.”

“You’re definitely human, Dinah.”

“Then why do they call us parahumans? Doesn’t the ‘para’ part mean half? Paraplegic, only half your body works. Parahuman, half human.”

Hmm...is that really what ‘para’ means? I mean, paranormal sure doesn’t mean it’s half normal, it’s way above that. Paragliding is...um, it sure isn’t half gliding. Parasite doesn’t mean half a site, it’s all about adding an intruder into a body. The conclusion I’m getting is that ‘para’ is not really a reliable prefix. Thank you for coming to my linguistic discussion, was it too noticeable I have no idea what I’m talking about?

The next paragraph is Skitter making the point I was making, that ‘para’ doesn’t really mean ‘half’. She even brings up the word ‘paranormal’, like I did! Aaah, same wavelength! And she finishes her argument by saying her parents can’t judge her for stuff she didn’t choose. To that Iiii will have to disagree. They certainly could. They shouldn’t, but they could. Nothing to do but hope they don’t. I wonder if perhaps Skitter will get to talk to them before they see Dinah? I’m not entirely sure it’d be a good idea or not, but...perhaps she should consider that. Maybe.

The reason why Skitter is so aware of things like prefixes and semantics is because her mom used to be an English teacher. She has continued paying attention to that sort of things as a way to remember her. Honestly that’s pretty sweet of her. It’s...it must be nice to have something to remember your deceased loved ones by, like that. I’m glad. Speaking of family! She also mentions how she has a father, and how he is, well, not someone she has seen for a while because she puts him in danger.

As expected, the effects of Dinah’s withdrawal happen pretty quickly. Dinah is already heaving, with Skitter holding her hair. Damn, I hope she’ll be okay – but she says she won’t, the painkillers didn’t help at all. Afterwards, she says once again there’s no way her parents will accept her. You know, from how many times she’s saying it, I’m starting to fear she’s right. I want to think they will, but...with how much she has repeated it...I fear she’ll do something that’ll force the futures where they don’t accept her.

“And even if they do take me, it’ll be weird, because they can’t ignore my power now. They pretended I didn’t have one. Pretended I was an ordinary kid. Pretended the headaches didn’t mean anything, like they pretended the heart disease wasn’t a thing.”

“Heart disease? You?”

Dinah shook her head. “Not me.”

She didn’t elaborate. Related to her trigger event?

Oh. There’s that too. It’s going to be impossible to pretend things are fine and back to normal when Dinah was kidnapped because of her powers. I mean, measures will have to be taken so something like that doesn’t happen again, right? That’s got to include some sort of tinker technology, or guards, or something. Also, they’re a former mayor’s family. That could be used as a cover story of sorts for any noticeable security measures.

Reassuring Dinah this is the drug withdrawal talking, Skitter gets a comb and tries to make her look more presentable, so at least the parents don’t have a first sight of a young, haggard girl in the middle of the throes of withdrawal. Golly, I get shivers just from thinking about how Dinah will look. She’s feverish, she’s sweating like crazy...this won’t be pretty at all, obviously. But surely Dinah’s parents would look past all that and take her back, right? At least because seeing her like that will make them worry. Right?

...right?

Dinah asks Skitter to go knock on the door and bring her parents out. It’s time to face the music, let’s see how this particular subplot ends. Crossing fingers for a positive result! Skitter goes to the entrance and rings the bell, it doesn’t work. Instead she knocks on the door and lets a pair of flies go inside, she finds Dinah’s parents. The father takes a frying pan and gets ready, in case it’s an attack.

...

Skitter still has her costume on, doesn’t she? Cripes, what a thing to find when you open the door. No wonder the father closed the door right away! Damn! Still, I’d like to think that, if villains were to attack a residence, they wouldn’t be politely knocking on the door. Not that this fact is going to make the dad lower his guard, is it.

Of course, their first reaction is to think Skitter is trying to extort them – a reasonable thought, given she’s a villain and the first thing she says is that she has their daughter! Well, she said she brought Dinah, but still. Skitter hurries to make things clear, and doesn’t mince any words. Better that way, probably. Better for them to be aware of what Dinah is going through, than seeing her sorry state and then fall into more despair. I mean, the blow will be hard, but it’s...easier when you’re aware of what’s coming, no?

...

Gosh, that must be a nightmare for any parent.

“She has abilities, then?” the dad asked.

Oh. They didn’t know? If they didn’t, then that really adds to Dinah’s fears, then. Would they accept her, even though she has a power? Honestly, I had interpreted it all as the parents trying hard to pretend she didn’t, but...there’s really no point to feign ignorance here. Even if Skitter is a villain, she already has Dinah in her clutches.

Even though Dinah is still afraid, she accepts Skitter’s help and steps out of the car, being brought towards her family. Contrary to what Dinah was predicting – and much to my relief – her parents don’t hesitate to approach. The mother immediately hugs her, the father comes behind just a second later, which I’m sure was more out of caution towards Skitter than because of anything from Dinah. There we go! A family reunited, and there doesn’t seem to be even a bit of trouble brewing. Times will be hard for them, given Dinah’s withdrawal, but I’m sure they’ll be fine. I hope.

The father even thanks Skitter! Which she tries not to acknowledge. The guilt of having been indirectly responsible for the kidnapping in the first place, you see. There’s also something else, something that’s somewhat selfish, but perfectly understandable, in my opinion:

I wasn’t sure I felt good about that. I’d gotten this far by making the most out of every resource I had available, and by being smart about things. This was throwing away a resource, tying my own hands. The decision felt dumb, even as I knew it was the right thing to do.

I know, right? It’d have been so tempting to try to convince Dinah to stay and give advice about how to fight the end of the world. Dinah herself saw that in the cards, so to say. If Dinah hadn’t said it, I think Skitter would have kept her, justifying that with how it was to prevent the end of the world. She’d have promised herself that she’d return Dinah once the end of the world was averted, even if that took two years, no? I don’t know what the rest of the Undersiders would have said, but I doubt they’d have tried to return Dinah to the family. All in all, Skitter has done the right thing, even though it may feel dumb right now.

With nothing else to do there, Skitter asks the driver to get going. She also finds two pieces of paper, probably left by Dinah. I hope they’re not meant to be private, because Skitter will have to ask someone else to read those for her. Perhaps they’re little predictions about odds? Possibly about the end of the world?

Scene cut!

Heeeere’s the team! The team and also Ballistic, who isn’t part of the Undersiders, but personally I’m not discarding he may join in some manner. The situation kind of demands it. Parian is also here.

I turned to Parian. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Tattletale got in touch. I… I apparently missed a lot.”

“You’re up for this?”

“No. But I want to know what’s going on, in case it affects my territory.”

Oh dear! I’m pretty sure it involves the entirety of Brockton Bay. Welcome to the Noelle situation, Parian, we’re very screwed right now. There’s only one hour and forty minutes until dawn, and then it’s showtime. Probably.

There’s been one sighting of Noelle. What’s she doing, I really have to wonder. Is she just wandering around aimlessly? Either way, Parian makes a wiener dog for everyone to ride, which is simply hilarious. Here comes the cavalry, riding a wiener dog! Hah! Awesome.

“This is so lame,” Imp said. “How are you supposed to build a decent rep if you’re caught riding a wiener dog?”

Aw, come on, Imp, it’s great! Don’t be like that.

There’s some nice banter that ends in Imp having to settle for the plush wiener dog, while Skitter rides on Bentley with Heckpuppy. Along the way, Tattletale asks if everyone is okay with she taking charge, and they all ask Ballistic for an assessment of how dangerous Noelle is. Give the deets, pal!

“It’s why I’m here. Consider Noelle a triple threat,” he said. “She’s strong, she’s got nothing to hold her back, now, and she’s smart.”

She’s a natural tactician, he says. I’m going to have to doubt that a little, not because I doubt Noelle isn’t smart, or able to come up with plans. I’m doubting it because, well, she was in a gaming team. That’s completely different to something like this. Skills usable there may not transfer to other things. Still, it’d be bad to underestimate Noelle. It has been said a lot about how she’s very dangerous, I’m sure she’ll be a genuine threat.

Whooops, Ballistic is sitting out of the fight. So is Parian, but that one isn’t really terribly surprising, Parian has nothing to do with any of this beyond protecting her territory. The reason why Ballistic is sitting out is because he’s sure Noelle will use him against them somehow. That’s...a reasonable concern, really. It can happen.

...is Skitter seriously underestimating Noelle right now? Come on, you can’t be serious. Ballistic says the reason why Noelle was fooled with all the lies she was told was because she trusted Trickster blindly. Even though he got her into this situation in the first place, technically? I guess that, although she blamed him, she saw him as the only one who could help her. He being the only one visiting her must also be a factor, I’m sure.

“He became team leader more because he’s fast at thinking on his feet than because he’s good at making the right call. He took it on himself to make a whole lot of wrong calls. I let a lot of that slide because he used to be a friend. And maybe because they weren’t blatantly wrong. Just a little wrong, a little disagreeable. But at some point every call was a disagreeable call and every word out of his mouth became a white lie. He started lying to us for what he saw as our own good. Not Noelle with her delicate state, but us.”

I read earlier Noelle was good at being intuitive and making moves because she read the situation well. This paragraph here makes it sound like they named Francis the team leader because he was the closest they got in terms of skill.

Speaking of Trickster! He may make things much worse, or he may be of help, depending on if he’ll help them or not. Personally I think he won’t help. Tattletale just said his focus would always be on Noelle and himself. No way he’s going to do a thing if it’ll hurt Noelle, even if it’s to save Brockton Bay. What does he care, if this isn’t even his world?

There’s some briefing about what Noelle can do, I don’t really see anything we don’t already know. What’s important to remark here, at least the way Ballistic says it, is that they have to get this all done before Noelle makes clones. Parian tries to say those clones are people, Ballistic quite reasonably says they’re not. And yeah, they’re not. The way those Cody clones were acting...yeah, I doubt they could be considered people. Oh boy, there’ll totally be some clones going on, right? I bet some if not all of the Undersiders will have to face clones of themselves.

As a general rule I still don’t like clones, but...honestly, the way Worm is doing it, it seems like it could be interesting to read! Neato!

The regeneration will be somewhat troublesome, especially since it’ll make it much harder to kill her. Skitter right away says she doesn’t want to do that unless there’s no other choice. Hum.

Ballistic turned my way, and he had a funny tone in his voice as he asked, “How do you think you’re going to handle this?”

“Containment,” I said. “If I get enough spiders together, I could try to surround her in web.”

Hum. You know, I’m not sure containing her will be a terribly good idea. She has gotten stronger; the kind of long-term containment she’d need would have to be carefully planned in order to work. She can’t just be shunted into the Birdcage, after all! And anything can happen in the time it takes to finish a vault or something to contain her. It’s way too dangerous, way too risky. I’m not sure it’s worth it. I hate to admit it, but...maybe lethal force has to be considered? Because Noelle is pretty close to being too dangerous to not subdue lethally anytime soon.

I mean, personally I think it’s not impossible the characters will figure a way to defeat Noelle without killing her, but...given the situation...I admit lethal force is more and more like a necessity here. Oh well! Skitter has been really resourceful in the past, it’s not really impossible she’ll figure something out!

Still, Tattletale accuses Ballistic of having no consideration towards Noelle because he’s suggesting to kill her, and needless to say, Ballistic didn’t like that at all. Geez, Tattletale. That could have been handled waaaay more tactfully. I can’t blame Ballistic for deciding to leave right away, he doesn’t even wait for the sausage dog to stop moving before he gets off. Welp! There gooooo all the chances of Ballistic joining the Undersiders. No way it’s happening now, or at least it’s much less likely.

Then again...maybe I’m being too callous about Noelle? I just think she is a huge danger, given everything that’s been shown. It’s always possible I’m just taking it waaaay too callously. After all, it’s way easier to make these calls when they’re fictional characters in a story.

In what’s another possibly bad move, they try to convince Parian to fight. She refuses, asking what she can do to protect her territory. She’s not interested in dealing with Noelle.

“I really don’t think we have a choice. You fought Leviathan,” I said.

Parian shook her head, “I almost wish I didn’t. I only did it because I promised myself when I was a kid, when I first learned about the Endbringers, that I would fight them if I ever got powers. That’s why I did it, because I didn’t want to betray the kid version of myself.”

“Wouldn’t your child-self want you to do this?” I asked.

“I don’t know. But I didn’t make any promises to myself about this.”

Honestly I can’t blame her for not wanting to get involved in that. Leviathan is an Endbringer who threatens to destroy so much of the world. Its name makes everyone tremble in fear. Noelle is...well, for now, she is more of a domestic affair for the Undersiders. I don’t discard the possibility Parian will have to fight at some point, but right now? I think it’s fair she doesn’t join the fight.

Not really any time to discuss it further, because they encounter the heroes. They’re right over there. Hi! Guys, there’s a pseudoEndbringer about to destroy the city! It’s another day in Brockton Bay – and I’m so making that the slogan for Worm: It’s Another Day in Brockton Bay.

Miss Militia is here, and her immediate reaction is to aim at them with a rifle. How welcoming. There’s some wreckage here, and Miss Militia wants to know if the Undersiders had anything to do with it. Skitter very truthfully replies they were indirectly responsible, which...is that really the best thing to be saying?

...maybe, because it’d be coming out at some point, anyway.

Miss Militia’s reasoning is that there are reports that fit with what the Undersiders have done in the past, and a hero has been kidnapped. Huh. Noelle is already making her move, it seems! How screwed are we?

“Vista,” I finished Miss Militia’s thought. “You’re talking about Vista.”

Huh. That so? That’s one versatile combatant out of the fight, indeed. I remember Skitter had mentioned earlier that they should ask the heroes’ help so they could bring containment foam and also have Vista use her powers to help. That’s going to throw a wrench into Skitter’s hopes for containment. Right now, though, the priority is explaining to the heroes they didn’t do this...directly, and that Noelle is a huge threat. That shouldn’t be hard to convince, right? I hope, at least. Time to take a look!

...or not. It’s an interlude. Well, I guess that was a time for a cliffhanger, but it certainly wasn’t what I wanted to read, I admit. I wanted more of the current situation. I hope this interlude will be worthwhile, because...yeah, I wish I could skip it to continue with the story. But hey, let’s tackle it. Onwards!

Kevin Norton, hm...the name doesn’t sound familiar. Then again, it’s likely it has been a while since I read it, so it’s not impossible I just don’t remember him. Hell, it’s possible a Norton was already shown and this is a relative. Who could this man be? He has a dog, too.

“I’ve saved millions of lives. Billions.”

Another hand signal bidding another small woof of agreement.

He’s making some hefty claims, too. I won’t be surprised if he’s telling the truth, though. A lot can happen in Worm. Who knows, maybe he singlehandedly prevented a widespread tragedy, by foreseeing it or something. Who knows.

Nobody’s paying Kevin Norton any heed. Some parts of his clothing are pretty much falling apart. Kevin talks to the dog he’s with, saying he’s not getting much money and calling himself ‘the most powerful man in the world’ when asking for money. There’s not really much success here, so instead he decides to give the vital backstory info for the reader’s benefit. Just who are you, Mr. Kevin Norton?

Seems like he was in this area ages ago, and so much has changed since then. Kevin reminisces, remembering people who treated him well, and hopes they’re okay. Meanwhile, he gets some comfort for himself by saying he has a lot of responsibilities and he hasn’t shirked them – in fact, he makes it sound like the mere thought of having left them aside is the worst thing that could ever happen.

Also, he’s very alone. Nobody to support him, it seems. As if the world wants to make things a little worse for him, it starts raining.

Seems to me Kevin has regrets. There sure is a lot of talk about courage and cowardice here. Perhaps it’s related to he being the most powerful man in the world, according to himself? Maybe if he had been a little braver, he wouldn’t be in that position – like being the most powerful man in the world ruined his life. It’s one of those ironic things so popular in fiction, no? I wonder what’d be Mr. Wildbow’s take on it.

A woman gives Kevin ten pounds. So this is England, most likely. Quite a distance from Brockton Bay. Kevin braces himself for the judgmental scolding people who give him a lot of money usually give, and the woman doesn’t do anything like that. Instead, she makes conversation, praising the dog and asking why it’s called Duke. Kevin brings up once again he’s the most powerful man in the world. Boy, he’s fixated on that.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“Hm?” he perked up, withdrawing his hand.

“You had a look on your face.”

“Just wondering when the last time I had contact with another person was. Might have been a few years ago. Pastor gave me a hug as I left his shelter.”

“That sounds so lonely, Kevin. Years without human contact?”

“Not so lonely. I’ve got one friend,” he said, scratching Duke’s head.

Lisette nodded.

“But you shouldn’t forget. The little stuff. Even a handshake? That’s something special. Meaningful. Value it, even if you get it every day.”

A lonely existence with many, many years without contact. Meaningful contact that wasn’t, say, the brush of fingertips when giving money. Makes me wonder what kind of life Kevin used to have before. So much melancholy in his tone, that’s for sure.

Kevin asks the woman – Lisette, is her name – to walk with him while he talks about himself. While the woman comes with him after some hesitation, she keeps her distance because hey, no harm in being cautious. Kevin starts talking. The beginning of his problems happened when he got into a relationship with a woman who in the end wasn’t really the right one for him, but he doesn’t blame her for his trouble. In the end, Kevin realized he’s gay. Still, that wasn’t the cause for the destruction of his relationship, anyway. It turned abusive in pretty much all ways possible, and Kevin left after a while. Since then he’s been living on the streets.

The place he has taken Lisette to is where he slept first. A bit of nostalgia there – I guess...we all look to our beginnings, huh.

Lisette is asked to hold Duke’s leash for a moment while Kevin got to the water’s edge, splashing some on his face. The situation takes a turn for the unexpected when suddenly there’s a golden man floating there. Huh. Parahuman, no doubt. Duke seems a bit...hm, ears flat against the head is a sign of apprehension, right? And Lisette is speechless.

You know, unless something changed very drastically in Worm and I don’t recall/didn’t notice, there’s only one golden guy floating around untouched by debris and dirt. Is this Scion? Did Scion just...appear out of nowhere to hang out here?

“Hello old friend,” Kevin said.

The only answer was the pouring rain. The golden man didn’t speak.

“Wondered if I would see you here,” Kevin continued. “Been a long time. I’d nearly convinced myself I’d imagined you. That old dog over there, he wasn’t even born when I left, and he’s on his last legs now. Twelve years old.”

Apparently he did, and it’s not the first time. Kevin had met him before, in this same place. Probably after leaving that abusive woman. Kevin nonchalantly returns to Lisette, and reveals Scion wasn’t ever that guy’s name. An alias, really, like all parahumans have.

This here is the reason why Kevin is the most powerful man in the world. Oh, please give more details! I’m actually intrigued by that. What’s up?

So, looks like I was right in that he met Scion shortly after he fled, encountering him and finding out Scion is sad – even if golden man’s face never changes, he’s sad in the inside, and has always been. Kevin hadn’t liked that and went to shout at him for being more miserable than Kevin was back then. Since Kevin wasn’t instantly vaporized with a laser beam back then, I guess Scion didn’t take offense to that.

In a fit of frustration, Kevin shouted at Scion why doesn’t he go and help someone. Why doesn’t he do something useful with his powers like save people or something. I guess he didn’t use to do that before, hm. And so, since then, Scion has been the hero everyone knows...because that’s all Scion has, it seems. He’s empty, according to Kevin. Saving people is...pretty much all he has. So that’s why Kevin says he has saved billions – he gave Scion the push to go be a hero, and therefore countless lives have been saved. Good thing it was Kevin who found him, then. If Scion was as easily influenced as Kevin is making it sound, then someone coming and telling him ‘hey, go commit crimes’ could have happened too, and things would be so much different right now. Maybe there’s an alternate universe fanfic with such a premise, it could be interesting to write and/or read.

According to Kevin, Scion understands, he just...doesn’t say a thing or react much or even does anything. He marches to the beat of his own drum, except when Kevin gets his hands in the way and makes him stop the beat for a second.

“It’s almost like he’s autistic,” Lisette said.

“How’s that?” Kevin asked.

“Too connected,” Lisette said. “Too much in the way of stimuli, drowning everything out.”

“Enhanced hearing, hearing the whole city at once?”

“Maybe. Or maybe he senses things we don’t,” she said. “The most powerful person in the world, and looking at him now, he’s like a child.”

Huh. Interesting thought. I wonder if that’s what’s going on. Sensing too much at once, and willfully having to cut the connections to things – or perhaps even unconsciously as some sort of protection mechanism for his psyche. Could be, no? If so, it’s a bit of a miracle Kevin got through to him at all. Hmmm...lucky, that was.

“Why? Why avoid him?”

Kevin didn’t take his eyes off the golden man. “He scares me. He chose me to listen to, of all people. I’m the most powerful person in the world, just because of that. Because I can tell the strongest, most capable man in the world what to do.”

Hmmmm...yeah, that sounds like it can be kind of unnerving. Scion is...a mystery. His origins are unknown, all that’s known is his actions, and those are thanks to Kevin. Kevin’s nudging is what has built Scion, pretty much.

At this point I just have to wonder if maybe there’s something up with Kevin and he doesn’t know it. I mean...there’s always the possibility Kevin is being deceitful in some way, but...I don’t know, something about him seems kind of sincere. I don’t think he’s hiding something. Why is Scion listening to him, of all people? There has to be a reason, no?

Still, that’s...such a scary thought. Because since Scion doesn’t even give any indication what he’s thinking, or how he’s interpreting things, if Kevin says a wrong word some bad stuff could happen, and I think Kevin is well aware of that. Honestly, anyone would be terrified. I know I would.

It seems Scion returned every once in a while just to listen to Kevin talk. Kevin just...tended to oblige, not really minding it much, until one night Kevin said something. Something that somehow got a reaction from Scion, and given how it was established he doesn’t bother reacting to anything, that’s very significant. Kevin doesn’t say what it is, but later Scion said it and the entire world latched onto it. That scared Kevin to no end. Okay, what was it? No way this intermission won’t say it! With all that’s been said about it, Mr. Wildbow just has to, no? I want to know!

“What did you say, if the word wasn’t Scion?” Lisette asked.

Ah, I see. So, I don’t really remember the details about Scion’s one and only word, but I faintly recall it was, well, ‘Scion’, and that’s why they’re calling him that. It seems Kevin said something and Scion latched onto it, but it actually was a word similar to that one.

Shenanigans ensue when it’s revealed it was actually Xion, because Kevin is a huge Kingdom Hearts fan and wanted to share some theories he had been building.

Okay, no, hah! Just joking. That’s just what came to mind when trying to think of something similar to ‘Scion’. I got nothing, I admit. Can’t think of a word.

“Only realized later. Was talking about home, religion and family. Talking about a memory from my childhood. Don’t even remember it that well, now. But the word he paid attention to was Zion.”

“That’s Hebrew, isn’t it?”

I went to search ‘Zion’ in Google, of course. The first result is Zion, a reggaeton singer, but unless Scion here is about to bust out some urban rhythm, that can’t be it. The next result sounds more like it:

Zion (Hebrew: צִיּוֹן‎ Ṣîyōn, LXX Σιών, also variously transliterated Sion, Tzion, Tsion, Tsiyyon) is a placename in the Hebrew Bible used as a synonym for Jerusalem as well as for the Land of Israel as a whole (see Names of Jerusalem).

That’s from Wikipedia, of course. So, as I see it, maybe it can be a hint about an origin. Nothing indicates Scion popped up into existence twenty years ago or whenever Scion first appeared floating in the air, maybe he has existed for way longer than that and heard that word before. Could be a hint about origins? Hm...

The other possibility is that it’s not so much something related to him, instead it’s something he’s familiar with. Or maybe he’s searching for it. I don’t know. Something’s up with that word, that’s all that’s plainly obvious. Doesn’t seem Kevin here has any ideas, either.

The reason why Kevin came here was to talk to Scion, and make a request. Seems that Kevin once told Scion to go fight the Endbringers, but he fears he wasn’t specific enough, that maybe he should have said to kill them so they couldn’t hurt anyone anymore. That because of that, Scion just...wasn’t bothering to try all he could to kill them, and that because of his bad choice of words, a lot of people have died. Boy that’s terrifying. It’s pretty much what I had said earlier. Part of me almost hopes this doesn’t work, if only so Kevin doesn’t blame himself for all the death and destruction.

Kevin is close to death. He came here to get his affairs in order, which he’s doing by telling Scion that about the Endbringers, and also by telling him to come to Lisette here if he ever needs anything.

Kevin sighed. “I’m here to get my affairs in order, and you’re most important after Duke. I want you to keep doing what you were doing. Help people. Try to communicate with the good guys more. I told you to do that before and you didn’t listen, but you should. And if there’s a problem, if you need someone to listen to, someone to visit from time to time, look for this young lady. Lisette. Because she’s good people. She’s a better person than I am. Braver. Has to be braver, if she’s stopping to talk to a homeless motherfucker like me, following him someplace.”

Wow. That’s got to be pretty awful for Lisette. Here, Lisette, you deal with the superpowered guy who doesn’t even give any indication he wants to listen to you. Honestly, it’s a bit of a curse, given how much grief that brought Kevin, and how Lisette, who is privy to why exactly it made Kevin so antsy, will have to undergo it too. It sucks for her, honestly. Goodness gracious.

I’m not sure if Scion will come to her or not, but...what’s done is done, no? Guess she...well...will have to deal with it, if he does come. I know it’s not like Kevin could have asked her permission because really, who’d say yes? But still, wow, that’s rough for Lisette.

Of course, Lisette seems kind of panicked about this. With good reason!

Kevin didn’t turn around or stop walking as he raised his voice to respond over the sound of the pouring rain. “Good deal, isn’t it? Ten pounds to become the most powerful person in the world.”

Methinks she may be regretting giving those ten pounds, honestly. That’s pretty rough.

That’s where the interlude ends. I see the tags here, where the character names usually are written, only has ‘Scion’. I guess that means Lisette won’t appear anymore, which is...understandable, honestly. What are the odds she goes to hang out in Brockton Bay for no reason at all? As I see it, it’s possible she’ll appear in a future interlude, but that’s it. I hope she’ll be okay, even if she was given this burden to deal with.

So, the intermission was...it was interesting. Somehow, although half of the time I’m annoyed by intermissions, Mr. Wildbow always manages to deliver. I can’t remember an interlude I ended dissatisfied with. I guess next time the story continues! But for now, this update is over.

#worm #worm liveblog #liveblog #webserial liveblog #webserial

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lostinfantasies38 · 4 years

Text

OC Interview - Sirra Brosca

This is post-Blight Sirra, so if you haven’t played a dwarven origin story in DA:O, some of the answers may be spoilers. It didn’t make sense to imagine her being interviewed prior to ending the Blight since they are fugitives the whole time. You have been warned.

name ➔ She smiles brightly, turning her expression impish among her triple casteless brands and eclectic mix of facial piercings. “Sirra Brosca”

are you single ➔ “Nope.” She playfully pops the ‘p’ at the end of the word.

are you happy ➔ “I am, now. It took a long time to get to that point.”

are you angry ➔ She shrugs. “Not really. I am defensive of those I care about, but I haven’t been angry since leaving Orzammar.”

are your parents still married ➔ Sirra laughs as loud as her raspy vocal cords will allow before flashing him a wicked smirk. “They never were, friend.”

NINE FACTS

birthplace ➔ “Dust Town, Orzammar. I’ll spare you the details.”

hair color ➔ “Dark brown. But it’s easily mistaken for black. For a long time in the shit lighting of Dust Town even I thought it was black.”

eye color ➔ “Also dark brown. Someone once said they reminded them of smoky topaz, which was...” She clears her throat and blinks back tears. “Uh, yeah, really nice of them.”

birthday ➔ Furrowing her brows and scrunching her nose, she mutters softly to herself. “Right, Alistair said this is 9:32 Dragon, so...counting backwards...which he taught me to do...fuck...uhhh -” Counts on her fingers. “9:11 Dragon! I was born in 9:11 Dragon - no idea the month or the day. Dusters don’t have calendars.” She teases with a wink.

mood ➔ “Oh! Like, right now? I’m good.”

gender ➔ “I’m a woman.”

summer or winter ➔ Humming appreciatively, she smiles wistfully. “I love summer. Everything is so...bright and happy. I never get tired of standing under the trees and watching the light swirl on the ground.”

morning or afternoon ➔ “Evenings, actually. Alistair and I catch up with each other at the end of our long days and talk. And sunsets are my favorite. The whole sky turns pink and this...muted orange! It’s the best part of the day.” Her dark eyes are unfocused as she recalls a personal memory while a small smile plays on her full lips.

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE

are you in love ➔ Unable to restrain her broad grin or the mischievous glint in her sultry gaze, she chuckles softly. “Have you seen Alistair? Yes, I’m crazy about that man.”

do you believe in love at first sight ➔ Pursing her lips as though trying to restrain a smirk, she replied. “Most definitely.”

who ended your last relationship ➔ She glances away. “Let’s just say it ended...and leave it at that.”

have you ever broken someone’s heart ➔ “No...I don’t think so.” Muttering indistinctly with a worried frown, she finally shakes her head and sighs.

are you afraid of commitment ➔ “Not...anymore.”

have you hugged someone within the last week? ➔ “I hugged Alistair before he left Vigil’s Keep on a mission, but that was two weeks ago. Umm, oh! Sigrun gave me a hug yesterday when I gave her a spicy Nevarran…” She laughs hoarsely again, flushing in minor embarrassment. “The answer to your question is: yes.”

have you ever had a secret admirer ➔ “No!” She snorts and quirks her right eyebrow, calling attention to the golden hoop in it.

have you ever broken your own heart? ➔ Tears fill her eyes, unbidden, and her voice is slightly strangled when she answers. “Yes.”

SIX CHOICES

love or lust ➔ “Love.”

lemonade or iced tea ➔ Her face lights up. “Iced tea!”

cats or dogs ➔ “Ugh, can we go with - no pets? I know some people like dogs, but mabari are...large. And...toothy. I mean, they stand as tall as I do! One of my recruits has a cat, but I’m not very fond of them either. They smell weird.” Her nose wrinkles in distaste, pulling her nose ring up and catching the light. “I do like birds - listening to them sing and watching them fly. But it would be cruel to cage one, so I just watch.”

a few best friends or many regular friends ➔ “Definitely a few best friends. I have a hard time opening up to people, but I have a close circle of friends that I trust with my life.”

wild night out or romantic night in ➔ “Oh, night in for sure! We did so much traveling for a year and half ending the Blight and I...what’s the human idiom? ‘Sowed my wild oats’ in my days with the Carta. When we have time to spend together, Alistair and I make sure to cherish it.” She smiles tenderly with a faint blush.

day or night ➔ “Both. I love that being on the surface gives you options. Honestly, Orzammar is totally wrong about living topside.”

FIVE HAVE YOU EVERS

been caught sneaking out ➔ “Sneaking out? No. And not sneaking in, either. I am a damn good rogue.” She laughs playfully.

fallen down/up the stairs ➔ “Maybe…” She snickers to herself.

wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔ “Ancestors, yes.” She clears her throat, seemingly startled by the raw emotion that filled her words and blushes.

wanted to disappear ➔ “No. I’ve made it a point to show up everyone who told me I should.” Briefly, her gaze hardens and she sets her jaw with determination, looking every bit the Hero of Ferelden.

FOUR PREFERENCES

smile or eyes ➔ “I can’t choose...Alistair has the best I’ve ever seen and trying to pick one over the other is impossible.”

shorter or taller ➔ She grins. “Taller. Much taller.”

intelligence or attraction ➔ Rolling her eyes, she blows out a frustrated breath before answering. “Alistair would say attraction, because he doesn’t know how damn smart he actually is. I have no idea what he sees in me,” she mutters.

hook-up or relationship ➔ “Relationship.”

FAMILY

do you and your family get along ➔ She snorts. “Well, if you don’t count my mother, then yes. My sister and I are very close even though I choose to live here. It helps that I’m a Paragon and related to King Bhelen through marriage. I can stay on the surface and not worry about losing my new caste.” She laughs and tries to hide a wicked smirk.

would you say you have a “messed up life” ➔ “I would say it’s a complicated life. But for once I am the one in charge of it, so I can’t complain.”

have you ever run away from home ➔ “If you count being conscripted into the Grey Wardens as ‘running away,’ then yes. And I’m damn glad I did, too.”

have you ever gotten kicked out ➔ “I was born casteless and then became an exile for a year and a half. My entire life, until I moved to the surface, revolved around being kicked out or denied entry literally everywhere.”

FRIENDS

do you secretly hate one of your friends ➔ “No.”

do you consider all of your friends good friends ➔ “I only share certain things about myself with a select few, but I still love them all. It’s nice to completely trust the people in my life. I don’t have to worry about one of them selling me out to the Carta boss for a promotion.”

who is your best friend ➔ “Alistair. And then Leliana, or Sister Nightingale, as she is called now, and of course, Sigrun. She understands what I had to do to get here better than anyone.”

who knows everything about you ➔ She laughs, momentarily taken aback when another richer laugh joins her as he saunters into the room through a side door. “Alistair!”

She flies off the chair and throws herself into his arms as he kneels on the ground to pull her close to his chest. As they whisper sweetly to each other, the Seneschal of Vigil’s Keep coughs and pointedly directs me to the exit.

#sirra brosca #oc interview #alistair theirin #Alistair x Sirra #dragon age #post dragon age origins #dragon age awakening #sigrun #leliana

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demigodofhoolemere · 4 years

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Saw The Rise of Skywalker last night. I went in totally expecting to hate it because that tends to be the way with my favorite franchises these days and I’d heard about how bad everyone seemed to think it is. No one is more surprised than me, but... I really liked it?? I do understand why others don’t, plenty of the content is pretty subjective in terms of the tastes of individuals. But I really didn’t have all of the problems I thought I was gonna have.

Plenty of spoilers below.

~~~

Negative:

- I can really only think of one huge negative which is just knowing behind the scenes info, assuming this redditor’s source is telling the truth (looks credible to me and we already know that things have been disastrous behind the scenes of the sequel films in general so I really have no trouble believing this): https://www.reddit.com/r/saltierthancrait/comments/eisnd8/heres_what_ive_been_told_from_a_source_that/ . In which case my biggest problem is how severely Disney/Lucasfilm screwed JJ and the cast over and altered what they’d made. From the perspective of ‘this isn’t what we created anymore’, if I were among them I’d be ticked, too, and I am ticked on their behalves. I do want to see the un-altered, complete version that they did and even though I enjoyed the movie as is, I would probably enjoy that version even more because it sounds like important emotional stuff got shelved, and it didn’t deserve to be (Finn being force sensitive, dang it!). There were a couple of things that made less sense because of the way it got pared down (like the fact that Han’s appearance was apparently Leia manifesting him to Ben and that’s what sapped her strength so badly - that wasn’t made clear at all to me) and I’d love to see what it was like before it got messed with. But this knowledge is really my biggest problem. If I’d never seen this, I wouldn’t have anything truly bad to say about the released product.

Iffy:

- Re: Leia, without it being made totally clear what was happening, I thought they were repeating Padmé’s ‘lost the will to live’ send-off. It’s not something that particularly bothers me about RotS, Padmé did just have the stress of pushing two human beings out of her body all while living with the stress of her husband falling to the dark side and all of the Jedi are being murdered and the list of awfulness goes on, so even though she definitely has her kids to live for, I also know that she was undergoing unimaginable agony both physically and emotionally, and you CAN die from your body physically giving out and from broken heartstrings, so I don’t think that was stupid the way others seem to. But they needed to make what happened to Leia clearer, because I thought they were reusing that, and *that* I did think was weird, and kind of a cheap way to take her out of the picture. Not that Leia hasn’t been through hell enough for broken heartstrings, and losing her son on top of having lost her husband and brother could certainly do it, but because the movie didn’t give any further context for what was happening and what she was doing, it just looked like she passed out and then the next time we see her she’s covered with a sheet and I’m like, “Wait, that’s it?” So I do wish we’d gotten a little more in the way of explaining that sequence, so that Leia didn’t die from just passing out. That didn’t feel completely right to me. I much prefer the idea of her using up her strength to save her son.

- Leia dying at all. I get why, but... owie.

- Shortchanging Rose. I don’t feel terribly strongly about her but in any case it’s not fair to her and especially not to Kelly.

- Very convenient dagger rofl.

- The Palpatine stuff was very sudden. No prior hints anywhere. I don’t know if it’s something they decided late in the game, or if they were going to allude to it but felt TFA was too early and would have in TLJ if Rian hadn’t had such full control over doing whatever he wanted, but whatever the story there is, it felt very out of nowhere. We’re supposed to suddenly accept that Palpatine survived the fall down the shaft and has been living on life support in a cave making creepy clone Snokes. And like... it seems like the sort of crap he’d pull, so I can buy it and I’m not really too bothered, but wow. I can also get behind Rey being his granddaughter, I thought they dealt with that very well and I surprisingly enjoyed it, but again, it’s very sudden, and also because of the implications of that I have to live with the mental image of Palpatine getting it on with someone and for that alone I could have added another to the ‘negative’ list.

- So... Reylo. I constantly have mixed feelings about Reylo. I’ve very much enjoyed their force bond (one of the only things I did like in TLJ), I love the focus on redemption and good winning out, their dynamic is very interesting and I can see the allure of pairing them because of the balance of light and dark, they just have a fascinating thing going on. But I also can’t help but think about him having tortured her in TFA, and as much as I’m here for redemption and I love Rey’s heart I still think it’s weird how TLJ is like three days later at best yet she’s so ready to look past what he did to her, what he did to Han, and to plenty of other people, and those things still really aren’t acknowledged. We can have redemption without having amnesia lol, especially when those are the things he needs to redeem himself of. By all means, redeem him, I love a good redemption and I’ve found myself far more attached to his character than I would have ever expected, but don’t have Rey immediately ignore the past to do it, and... I don’t know how to feel about that kiss. Part of me liked it (especially his sweet genuine smile), but part of me still kind of goes, ‘Wait... no. Didn’t want this. Not like this.’ It’s not the affection that bothers me at all, but the fact that it’s romantic affection. I love the dynamic that’s been built between them but considering their history I’d prefer that they actually get some footing as proper friends (whether that be before anything else happens, or it just stays that way). Way too sudden for anything romantic. And really I just wish this trilogy hadn’t attempted any new romances at all, because I feel like things would be more meaningful if they were all left to be platonic friendships. There really wasn’t room for couplings in this trilogy and it sours things a bit for me that they tried to fit them in anyway. So tl;dr, I very much enjoy Rey and Ben as a dynamic but I’m more here for a platonic Reylo.

- I get the poignancy of having him use his life force to save her, I understand killing him off, but for ONCE can I have a redeemed character continue to live their new life and figure out how to navigate that? It also makes better sense to have characters like Ben try to pay for their past while they’re still, idk, alive and have the chance to do more. For once. Please. I’m not mad that they did this but I’m tired of redemption=death.

Positive:

- Pretty much everything else. I can’t believe how much I actually liked this movie.

- LANDO CALRISSIAN LANDO CALRISSIAN LANDO CALRISSIAN LANDO CALRISSIAN LANDO CALRISSIAN

- FORCE GHOSTS!!!!! ANAKIN. OBI-WAN. AHSOKA. ALL OF MY FAVORITE JEDI FOLKS. LIGHTS OF MY LIFE. I’VE BEEN WANTING TO SEE THEM THIS ENTIRE TRILOGY AND I FINALLY HAVE THEM EVEN IF THEY’RE JUST VOICES. NEW HAYDEN-AS-ANAKIN CONTENT. I’M OVER THE MOON. Ahsoka must be dead then but I’m overlooking this.

- Whatever the heck they did to use the deleted Carrie Fisher footage to give us more Leia in such a seamless way... hats off.

- Seeing the sequel trio actually all be together and working as a trio. I can finally feel like they’re actually a unit.

- That hug between the three of them at the end, my heart.

- I really do adore Rey. She has such a good heart. Seeing her fight against her ancestry and adamantly trying to be a force for good makes me happy, I love that she believes so strongly in redemption despite her anger, and I love that they still keep character details like her brilliance with mechanics and the way she’ll use scrap to slide down sand hills. I’m so proud of her progress with using the force. Rey is precious and I love her.

- Ugh I love Finn, too. He has a strong spirit and he’s come so far. I love that they delved (or tried to delve) into him being force sensitive as well, and that he has such belief in it now. It made me so happy to see other former Stormtroopers who couldn’t live that life and that Finn can have those people to relate to. Can’t say enough good things about Finn. Very proud of him.

- Interesting learning more of Poe’s past, and I enjoyed getting to watch him try to be a leader in Leia’s absence and feeling like a failure, since I felt he was the least developed of the trio up to this point so I’m happy I have more to go on. He felt a lot more fleshed out in this one and I really appreciated it. I’m glad to be able to say that I genuinely love all of the new trio now, because it used to be that I casually liked them but couldn’t connect. Although I connected to Poe’s love for BB-8 from the start and that’s still going strong. Only he and Anakin have ever truly understood my droid love.

- Always a sucker for redemption arcs. I never used to have many feelings about Ben one way or another, I didn’t feel there was anything in TFA to make me like or dislike him from the get-go because it was too soon to say, but TLJ (for all my issues with it) made me care more about what happened to him, and now this movie got me super invested. Did not see this coming. I’m glad I was able to like him and be emotional about his conflict and his ending.

- Already covered this but I really like Rey and Ben’s dynamic. I loved seeing them use their force bond to their advantage and work so well as a team. And I love that her healing his wound also healed his scar, symbolically healing him of Kylo Ren. GAH.

- Han!!! Just Han.

- CHEWBACCA GETTING A MEDAL. Both incredibly emotional because that’s probably Han’s medal and incredibly satisfying because darn right he deserves a medal! In your face, ceremony scene from A New Hope! Now give them to the droids and I’ll be appeased.

- Chewbacca just generally destroying me. His wailing hurt me even more than Leia’s passing itself did. Did not need that but also thank you. (Why am I such a masochist?)

- C3PO taking one last look at his friends 😭 I cannot tell you how relieved I was that R2 really did have his memory backups, because I was fully prepared to put “C3PO losing his memories!!! 😡” under the negative column. Thank goodness for droid friendship.

- Speaking of droids, new droid! D-O really had little purpose for being there but I’m a sucker for a new cute droid to love so I’m all for him. Bring on all of the new cute droids!

- Really liked that planet with the festival. So many cute baby creatures and I loved the subtle Easter egg of 42 years referencing the original release in 1977.

- Rey healing the snake thing! I’m all for NOT shooting or killing Star Wars creatures, there’s too much of it and it makes me sad (R.I.P. Rancor, so sorry Rancor handler. And I’ve never gotten over Ratts Tyrell and his crying family and I never will. Stop killing Star Wars creatures 2k20). Rey gets me.

- Liked the new characters. Zorri was interesting and Jannah made me emotional.

- With the context of Jannah having been meant to be Lando’s daughter, the scene she has with him in the end has even more to it than on the surface (not that either of them would know, but still), but I really do just appreciate Lando reaching out to a stranger to help her uncover her past and recover her life. Sweetheart.

- I loved that Hux was the spy, and not because he cares one wit about the rebellion but just because he really hates Ben. Talk about petty.

- The fact that Palpatine was behind every voice Ben has ever heard means that he manipulated him his whole life just like he manipulated Anakin and now I hate his guts all over again for the same darn thing. Incredibly satisfying to watch him shrivel away. Screw you Palpatine.

- LUKE AND LEIA FLASHBACK. LEIA TRAINING IN THE FORCE AND OWNING A LIGHTSABER. FINALLY.

- Briefly seeing other old characters like Nien Nunb and Wedge Antilles. That kind of thing just makes my day. Also pretty sure I saw Naboo ships in that enormous fleet and I know I’m never getting Padmé back in any shape or form so I’ll take it.

- Seeing Luke’s old home wrecked me. Seeing the binary sunset wrecked me. Luke and Leia’s force Ghosts wrecked me. Rey calling herself a Skywalker wrecked me. That ending wrecked me.

I think I covered most of it which leads me to my verdict:

I understand why this isn’t popular with everybody. A lot of it is completely dependent on personal taste. Luckily for me it actually was very largely to my taste, somehow, which I never would have seen coming because I’m usually so frustrated with recent things in the big franchises like this, and after TLJ I had no trust. But I was pleasantly surprised and actually pretty satisfied. They hit a lot of nostalgia buttons for me, made me care a lot more about the new characters, made me cry a ton, and generally delivered something I could be pleased with. Don’t know how it happened but I really liked this movie and no matter what people feel about it I don’t think it deserves the sheer vitriol it’s received (there’s criticism and then there’s yikes). I thought it was a pretty good movie and I’d watch it again willingly.

#star wars #the rise of skywalker #spoilers #tros spoilers #sw spoilers #sw: sequels #review

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despairforme · 7 years

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What drew you to nnoitra? I would love to know what it is that attracted you to his character and made you choose him as a muse, since you always speak of your love for him c:

[ BLESS YOU ANON THIS IS THE BEST OOC QUESTION TO RECEIVE! I never get tired of talking about Nnoitra and how much I love him. I guess that’s what it’s like being passionate about someone or something? Anyways! Lemme talk about Nnoitra!

I must confess, that when I first watched Bleach, I didn’t pay much attention to Nnoitra. My favourite characters were Gin and Mayuri, and Byakuya. But then, in April 2013, I drew Nnoitra. I don’t remember why I did that ( and the drawing was so bad i cry ), but THAT was when I started loving him. Drawing him gave me inspiration. I had literally found my MUSE. ( muse, noun, definition: a person or personified force who is the source of inspiration for a creative artist. ). After I started drawing Nnoitra, I got more inspired to do different poses, and to just generally draw more. Drawing him came ‘ easy ‘ to me. I never had to feel like I was ‘ uninspired ‘ to draw. By drawing more, I ended up improving a lot, which helped my confidence a lot. Since drawing Nnoitra had become such an important thing for my overall creativity, it was only natural that I wanted to know more about him, as a character. So when I rewatched Bleach, he was my main focus, and this time around, since I paid so much attention to him, I got a grip of his character, and since I’ve always had a thing for ‘ villains ‘, I ended up adoring him. He became my all-time favourite character.

Then, I started roleplaying on tumblr. I was in the One Piece fandom for about a year, but I always wanted to roleplay Nnoitra. However, the Bleach fandom looked really intimidating to me, and since I was so new to rping in general, I didn’t know how to go about changing fandoms. Finally, I decided to make my Nnoitra roleplay blog, but since all my rp partners were in the One Piece fandom, I gave Nnoitra a One Piece verse, with no intentions of bringing him into a Bleach setting.

Just like drawing Nnoitra had boosted my creativity, writing him did too. Actually, writing him had a much greater impact on pretty much my whole life. I used to be really insecure, and scared of approaching people, but when Nnoitra became my muse, I didn’t feel like this anymore. I didn’t question whether or not I was doing a good job with the muse or wonder if people wanted to interact with me or not. I was just at ease. Not only that, but I had SO much fun. Doing drafts wasn’t a struggle anymore, and I literally got up at 5:55 every day to get to write with some of my favourite partners ( timezones yo ), just because I was having such a great time with Nnoitra ( I had rped with the same partners on my previous blogs ). Rping had always been ‘ fun ‘, sure, but not like this.

Then came the whole ride with making the modern!AU for him, where I got a lot of creative liberty, and, of course, coming up with all the little quirks and details about his backstory was a blast. It was easy too, because Nnoitra is so inspiring to me.

With Nnoitra, I have been allowed to meet so many great people, and write good threads that have developed my writing skills. I never would’ve had such a good time if I was writing another muse. There is no other character who can be for me what Nnoitra is. Literally - MY MUSE.

Now, I’ve been writing him for about three years, which doesn’t sound like much ( I know people who have been with their characters for like 10 years? ), but considering how much I’ve been writing, I dare say I know him really well by now. There was a time when I wrote 55k words per month. I would love to do that now too, but I can’t. Which brings me to the next thing -

My health is not good. I have a very rare illness that gives me a lot of pain, especially in my fingers and right wrist. This, of course, means that I can draw less, and write less than I used to. But, since Nnoitra is such an important person to me, I always push myself a little harder so that I can give him some attention ( I try to do a little bit every day ). Not just because he deserves it, but because writing him is my favourite thing in the whole world. It’s not just a ‘ hobby ‘, but it’s a way for me to feel like I’m doing something I’m good at. To feel accomplished and happy. I also feel like I have a ‘ purpose ‘, if that makes sense. Without me, there would be nobody to write my Nnoitra. Because I’ve worked so closely with him these past three years, I feel like he deserves a life. I, myself, don’t really have much of a ‘ life ‘, since I’m sick, have no real life friends and can’t get a job. So, I really want to see how Nnoitra’s life progresses. His life is pretty much the only thing I’m ‘ creating ‘ ( I’ve always loved making things, like stories or drawings ). Without Nnoitra I would feel totally useless.

So, Nnoitra has given me inspiration, creativity, motivation, confidence, friends, a purpose. Like, if I have a really bad pain day and I don’t even wanna get out of bed, I’m like: come on toby at least give Nnoitra some love, he deserves it. Another VERY important thing that he has given me is gratitude. Because of my illness, it’s easy to think that life sucks and that it’s unfair or whatever, but because I have Nnoitra, an actual muse - a source of inspiration, a life, I feel LUCKY. I feel blessed. I have no right to complain when I have such an amazing character with me. So basically, Nnoitra allows me to stay positive, even on bad days.

I also wanna make a quick note about how many FRIENDS Nnoitra has given me. Without the confidence that he gives me, I would’ve been missing out on so much. I never feel stressed out about popping into people’s askboxes or chatting them up on IMs/Skype. Nnoitra is my ‘ safe place ‘, so there is nothing for me to be scared of. I don’t have any real life friends, so my online friends mean a lot to me. I’m so glad that I’m a confident roleplayer. This has also given me a lot more interactions than I would’ve gotten if I had been too scared to approach ( maybe the ship with Lexie’s Grimmjow never would’ve happened ).

How much he has done for me isn’t the only reason why I love him though. I also love every single thing about his character. I love his looks. I love that he’s skinny and tall ( I’ve always loved bones and visible veins ). I love his long, straight black hair that perfectly frames his face. I love his sharp chin and HUGE teeth that makes him look like a fucking piano when he grins. I love the fact that he only has one eye. I love the design of his canon uniform, and especially his high-heeled boots. I love Santa Teresa. I love how pale he is. I love how he wears bracelets around those skinny wrists.

Then, his personality. I love the fact that he’s suicidal, but doesn’t kill himself. I relate to the fact that he’s depressed. Him being sexist makes him even more interesting, since it’s a trait that’s pretty rare in characters (especially ocs, I find). I love his accent ( even if I gave it to him, mostly ). I love how ‘ simple ‘ he is when it comes to certain things, and how badly he feels that he’ unloveable. I love (and relate) to how he feels like a failure in everything but one thing (in his human!au anyway). I love how DEDICATED he is to Grimmjow, and how important it is for him to be recognized and appreciated. To me, he is a deep character with several aspects. I don’t like it when people call my Nnoitra ‘ the depressed one ‘, or ‘ the despairing one ‘. There is more to him than that. He has good days. He has ambitions. He had dreams and nightmares. He’s got silly quirks ( being allergic to bugspray, loving watermelon, having a fidget spinner, etc ). Calling him ‘ the depressed one ‘ kind of undermines the effort I’ve made to build a character. Speaking of -

I also love what I have made him. I don’t think my Nnoitra is ‘ ooc ‘ at all, and I won’t have my portrayal questioned. I write a good Nnoitra, I’m not afraid to say that. I put as much effort into him as I’m physically able to. I see people throw around the word ‘ love ‘ a lot. I don’t have many things in my life that I truly love. The only people on that list are my family members, and Nnoitra.

Maybe some think it’s ‘ sad ‘ that writing Nnoitra is my life. But, I don’t think so. Like I said - I feel blessed. I don’t think it’s given that an artist ( if one can call me that ) or an author ( can I even be called that… ) even finds their real muse ( as in, the definition of it ). So of course I feel lucky to have been blessed with Nnoitra. I couldn’t have asked for a better one. I wouldn’t trade the hours I’ve spend working on him for anything.

I love him so much. Everything that reminds me of him makes me happy. For example, when my mother asks me if I can give her a spoon, I laugh and go; HELL YEAH, SPOONS ARE THE SUPERIOR CUTLERY! I take care of insects and spiders ( and I forbid anyone in the family to kill any ), because Nnoitra is a mantis. I have SO much Nnoitra art in my room ( all drawn by me, how lame ), and the bleach cover where Nnoitra appears is placed right above my computer, so that I can look at it all the time. When I watch a movie and a character says something that Nnoitra would say, I go: Nnoitra, it’s you! I always pick five of everything. The fifth seat in the cinema, on the fifth row, for example. Even our address is ‘ nr 5 ‘. I go out at night if there is a pretty moon, because Nnoitra loves the stars and the moon. Oh, and I have a moon lamp in my room too! If there is something new on the Nnoitra tag on tumblr, or new art of him on deviantart or pixiv, that literally makes my day. Nnoitra is MY ENTIRE WORLD.

So, since he is my life, what will happen when I lose the muse? Seems like that happens to a lot of rp-blogs, right? Well, it’s not going to happen to me. Because Nnoitra IS my inspiration. I don’t have to be inspired to write him, I get inspired by writing him. He doesn’t TAKE AWAY motivation from me, he gives me motivation. I wouldn’t say I ‘ chose him ‘ as a muse. It’s stupid to say that he chose me, but - we were introduced to each other by mere chance. Just because I was sketching some random bleach characters one day! Who would’ve known that my life would change from that. I know I say I love Nnoitra on a lot of my posts, and that’s because I really do. I want to share my love for him and show him off. Because I am proud of him, and he is everything to me.

… Talking about him like this makes me emotional— aaaaaaaaa. Anyway, thank you so much for this question anon! I always enjoy talking about Nnoitra. I could talk about him for days. Talking about him makes me happy! I will continue to post stuff about how much I love him. So yes, thank you anon! ]

#[ YES!!! I GOT TO TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE NNOITRA!!!! ]#[ WHAT A GREAT DAY!!!! ]#[ thank you so much anon! ]#[ i think it's super hard to get love across but i hope it shows at least a little bit of how much i love nnoitra ]#[ - clenches heart - ]#[ my entire world ]#[ thank you anon i got so happy when i saw this ask! ]#━☽☾ not despairin'. (OOC)#━☽☾ toby's stuff. (MOD)

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demonicheadcanons · 7 years

Note

Can we get the RFA's +V +Saeran reactions if MC attempted suicide, and failed? Sorry if this sounds weird though....

RFA + V + Unknownreact to MC attempting suicide (and failing)

(AN: I hope you’refeeling okay, Kind Anon. This is not weird at all, I promise. I really do.Things can be tough but they will look up, this is coming from someone who hasalso attempted this and is still struggling with strong urges. Things will beokay, we’ll get through this.

Some of thesereactions may differ from what people want. But from experience, when I’veattempted, people don’t react positively. Therefore some of these might be verynegative. I’m trying to be realistic whilst also providing support throughthis. I wish you all the best, do take care!

Trigger warnings arein the tags. Please do check them before reading this post, there is some heavystuff here that will definitely not be the best for everyone to read if you canrelate at all to this.

Spoilers for names andsuch, but not really for any routes)

Zen

He gets back from shopping and calls out for you. He felthis gut twist as soon as he saw it – it was filled with typos and you weretelling him over and over how you loved him

You had said you were ill this morning, too ill to come outwith him like you normally would, and so he had left you with a cup of tea anda blanket wrapped around you, telling you to text or call if you needed him

He strains now for a response, immediately dropping hisjacket and the bags of groceries he had been out getting on the sofa andbeginning to look for you. You’re not in the shared bedroom where he had leftyou, the cup of tea spilled on the carpet, the bed a complete mess of pillowsand blankets

Zen can feel his heart in his throat as he darts over to theen suite bathroom door, trying the handle. It’s locked

“MC? MC, is everything okay?” he calls, leaning against it,sweating with fear

He can only hear a faint groan in response, and afterbegging for a minute for you to open the door, he throws himself against it,busting the lock open. The bathroom isn’t massive, so he ends up crashing hisside in to the sink. That’ll leave a bruise

He sees you lying on the floor by the bath, your wristhanging weakly over it, blood tricking everywhere. You look scared for amoment, but the exhaustion takes over again

On the other hand, Zen is absolutely terrified. He standsfrozen for a moment, hand over his gaping mouth, eyes wide with pure fear

When he’s able to move again, he kneels down beside you andpicks you up, lifting you to the sofa and grabbing his first aid kit. Thank godhe kept this well stacked up

He dials for an ambulance, balancing his phone between hisear and shoulder, as he wraps your wrists up in bandages gently and carefully

“Why would you do this MC..? You knew I would’ve helped... Iwould’ve done absolutely anything to help you, my love...” he mumbles as hecleans you up, tears trickling down his cheeks slowly. He wipes them away andwraps his arms around you, as you weakly do the same

The door bell rings and he runs over and gets it, leadingthe paramedics to where you are laying. He hops in the back of the ambulance asthey place you in, and sits beside you, holding your hand and gently strokingthe back of it with his thumb. You seem so weak and tired, you’re just barely focusingon him, and he’s trying so hard not to collapse

When you get to the hospital, they rush you in immediatelyto a doctor’s room and he sits you outside, and that’s when he breaks. His bodyis taken over with sobs as he leans his arms on his knees and covers his facewith his hands. Some of his fans pass, and they just stare brokenheartedly athim, knowing now is not the time to try to spark up a conversation

Someone hands him a tissue and he accepts it gratefully,cleaning his face and trying to calm himself before he saw you again – you can’tsee him like this, no matter what. He has to be strong for you, as it seems youhave always been for him. He just wished you had told him about how you felt...

Yoosung

He’s no stranger to suicidal thoughts. After Rika died, theycame thick and fast, but he was able to get through them with the support ofthe RFA, and with LOLOL

You were always so happy and bubbly and you had promisednever to leave him, to talk to him if you ever needed anything, like he wishedRika had when she were alive. And so he never expected to get home to you witha rope around your neck, one foot off the chair you were standing on, ready tokick it behind you

As you see him, your feet slip and you’re left dangling,struggling, unable to breathe but not quite gone yet

Adrenalin takes over and Yoosung grabs the chair, jumps upon it, and holds you, raising your feet to stand on the chair again. It takestoo long for him to get the rope off from around your neck – the knot is tiedtoo well – but eventually he manages and you’re standing weakly in his arms,face pressed to his chest, legs incredibly wobbly

He holds you in his arms, supporting the majority of yourweight, as he buries his face in your hair and sobs. He can feel tears soakthrough his t-shirt as you start crying into his chest too

You both stand there, balanced on the stair and in eachother’s arms, for quite some time. Yoosung eventually pulls back and places ahand under your chin gently, tilting your face up to look you in the eyes. Hecan see the bruises already forming on your neck from the rope, and he gulpsback another sob as he speaks

“MC, you were supposed to come get me if you werestruggling... You know I’m here for you, right? You know I’d do whatever ittakes to make you happy? Am I not doing enough to make you happy?” he asks

You tell him you love him and of course he’s enough, butthings get to be too much so easily and you couldn’t take it anymore, and heresponds by peppering your face in kisses and hugging you close to him again

“I’m so glad you’re alive... I’m so, so glad MC. I love you.Please, never leave me...”

Jaehee

She had been trying to call you for a while, wondering ifyou wanted to go out to get coffee, if the party planning was going well, ifyou were okay. You hadn’t answered, and you hadn’t been in the RFA chat for awhile, so everyone was getting worried

She decided it would be best to leave work early to check upon you. When she got to your shared apartment, she immediately knew somethingwas wrong. The bedroom door was ajar, the kitchen medicine cabinet was open,and she could hear water trickling from the bathroom

She calls out for you and then slowly begins to look around,forcing herself to calm. She closes the medicine cabinet, frowning as sherealised quite a few packets of tablets were gone from their usual spots. Maybeyou were just really ill that day?

She then made her way to the bathroom to turn off the tap,and that’s where she found you. You were doubled over the toilet, vomittrickling down your chin and filling the toilet. She immediately dropped to herknees beside you, using a tissue to clean off your chin, glancing around to piecethings together. She saw the empty medicine packets and immediately knew whathad happened

“MC, have you thrown it all up?” she asked, her voice coldsuddenly – she had to make sure you were okay before she could make it better

You weakly nodded your head, and she took a deep breath

“Can you be sick once more so I can make sure?”

You glanced up fearfully and wearily at her, and she stoodup and went to get a glass of water for you

“Gulp this down and then be sick. We need to make sure it’sall gone,” she had told you, and you had taken it from her and done what youwere told, bringing you to now

You felt the dreadful burning sensation in your stomach asyou make yourself sick. You can see Jaehee standing with her arms crossed,staring down at you, her face weakening as she watched you gag and be sick. Thevomit was clean of any trace of medicine

Jaehee takes out her phone and dials for an ambulance now,before kneeling down again, wrapping her arms around your shoulders and pullingyou close. She whispers to you as you wait for the ambulance, telling you she’sglad you’re alive and she’s glad she got to you in time. You feel her bodyshake as she begins to cry, apologising over and over for not being here foryou when you needed her most

Your head is spinning and you feel so ill and everything isso hazy and you want so badly to just go to sleep, but you hold onto her astight as you can manage and tell her it’s okay, everything is okay

When she leaves to get the door for the paramedics, you justfeel so cold and tired and weak, but Jaehee is so gentle and careful with you,walking you to the door and down to the ambulance, not letting go of you for aslong as she can. She sticks with you, and she promises she always will, no matterwhat

Jumin

He hates leaving you alone in the penthouse all day, andalways rushes to get to you after work, but today he has to stay behind late tofigure out a few small details in an upcoming project

The next hour drags by so painfully slowly, and he rubs histemples as he makes a few finishing touches to his work before asking Jaehee tosubmit it for him and practically jogging off to the penthouse to you

He finds Elizabeth the 3rd waiting for him at thedoor, meowing and darting out at him before it’s even fully opened

“Are you hungry, my dear? Has MC not fed you?” he asks her, leaningdown to gently pet her head before stepping into the penthouse

He takes off his jacket and frowns, wondering why you haven’tcome out to greet him like you normally would. He could feel his heart poundingin his chest – were you angry at him for being late? He had texted you toexplain the situation, but had gotten no response, so it was very likely

He slowly walks around the penthouse to look for you. You’renot in the bedroom, or in the living room. Maybe you were in the kitcheneating?

Elizabeth the 3rd was following him around,meowing every now and then. She seemed to be avoiding the kitchen, however, andthis just made Jumin all the more nervous

He makes his way to the kitchen, his legs feeling like lead.You were okay, right? You weren’t so angry at him that you wouldn’t respondwhen he called out, surely? Not when you know how nervous it makes him

His heart sinks as he walks in to the room, seeing yousitting at the table, head down on it, unmoving, skin a pale ashy colour

He runs over, grabbing you by the shoulders and shaking yougently

“MC? MC, sweetheart, wake up! You can’t sleep at the kitchentable,” Jumin says, trying his best to convince himself you’re just sleeping,you’re okay

He catches sight of your wrists which are laying in yourlap, and then sees the glint of the knife on the ground, the puddle of redsurrounding you and it

He jumps back, and it feels as if his heart stops as hestares at you. He feels tears in his eyes. He couldn’t have lost you... notlike this...

And then you ever so slightly twitch and raise your head tolook at him faintly, barely able to keep your eyes open, and the tears flowquick and hot down his cheeks and he moves forward again to kneel down besideyou and grab your arms

He looks at the cuts – they’re deep, he can’t deal with thishimself. He continues to hold on to your arm with one hand, fishing his phoneout of his pocket with the other and phoning Jaehee to tell her to get a doctorup to the penthouse immediately

He hangs up before saying anything else, and he watches youreyes flood with guilt as you realise it’s him, trying to hide your arms

“Babe, just stay still, a doctor is on the way,” hewhispers, rising to wrap his arms around your shoulders and holding you asclose as he can without moving you too much. He presses gentle kisses onto yourcheek as he waits with you. “MC, my love, please tell me if you ever feel likedoing this again. I couldn’t bear to lose you, you must know that, right? Youare everything to me.”

He continues to speak to you like this, telling you how muchyou mean to him, how you saved him from his dull, painful life, how you’re hisworld, until Jaehee arrives with a doctor. It’s late at night, and althoughJaehee’s face fills with concern as she realises what has happened, Jumin sendsher home to take the next day off, as he plans to as well

Jumin sits in an anxious silence as he watches the doctorclean up your arms, and wrap them up in bandages. Jumin walks her to the door,and she tells him you’ll be okay, you just need a lot of rest and to be watchedclosely for the next while. She would be in touch to arrange further checkupsand to discuss things such as therapy for you

He just nods silently and then says goodbye and closes thedoor. His knees are shaking and he feels like just collapsing into a puddle onthe ground, but he can’t. He has to go back to you, he has to make sure you’reokay and you won’t do this again

You’re lying with your head resting against the kitchentable again, staring down at your bandaged arms, your tears dripping onto them.You jolt upright when you hear him walk in to the room, and you look so smalland hurt and guilty that Jumin can feel himself tearing up again

He runs over and lifts you up and holds you in his arms fora long, long time, grateful that he still can

Seven/Saeyoung

Like Yoosung, Seven knows what having suicidal thoughts islike. He tried his best to keep them at bay; he had to save Saeran first andforemost, that was all that mattered, and then he could do whatever he wanted

But you were always so positive about everything, and so howwas he to expect that you felt the same way he did? You never showed it, yourpositivity never faltered until that one day, and he thought you were maybejust not feeling so well. Things wouldn’t suddenly not be okay, right?

You had opted to go lie down as he worked, rather thansitting in his lap cuddled up to him like you normally would. There wereshadows plastered under your eyes from a few sleepless nights – the nightmares andthoughts had kept you awake, and Saeyoung watched as you retreated to yourshared room, trying to convince himself you would be okay

He worked solidly for a long time, until he hears a strangerattling from your room. He ignores it, but a few minutes later he hears youwhimper and he’s up and over to the room in seconds. He taps on the door andopens it

Saeyoung didn’t know what he expected to see when he opened thedoor, but he definitely hadn’t expected to see you with a plastic bag aroundyour head, holding the handles tight to your throat. You hadn’t heard theknocking or the door opening over the noise of the bag as you moved to liedown, feeling yourself become breathless and tired, a dull ache slowly andsurely developing in your lungs and heart

The next thing you know, Seven is on top of you, pulling thebag off your head and throwing it across the room

“What the hell are you doing, MC?!” he yells, staring downat you, tears already forming in his eyes

You’re frozen on the spot, eyes wide like a deer caught inthe headlights. The whimper escapes your throat as you stare up at your angryboyfriend, and he glares back, looking hurt and confused

“I... I can’t handle anything anymore, Saeyoung... I didn’tknow what else to do,” you tell him. You can feel a small amount of angerbubbling in your chest, but it quickly fades – you have no energy for thatright now

“MC, you can’t do something like that to me!.. What’s wrong?Did something happen? Did I do something? Am I not enough?”

You can tell he’s panicking as he moves back from you – he hadbeen kneeling over you, hands either side of your head, which you only realisedafter he’s moved to sit at the end of the bed, head in hands. He shakes as hebegins to hyperventilate, and you move to put your hands on his shoulders.Initially he jumps at the contact, before relaxing and letting you lean yourhead down on to his back

It takes a few minutes for him to calm himself, before heturns around and wraps his arms tightly around you

“I’m so sorry MC, I should be the one looking after youright now, not the other way around,” he mumbles into your hair as his griptightens to an almost painful point, causing you to shift in his arms

You bury your face in to his chest and try to explain whatwas wrong to him, and you feel him gently nod every now and then. He pressesgentle kisses onto the top of your head, still holding on to you tight, and youboth stay this way long after you’ve finished talking

“I need you to promise me something,” he finally says,placing his hands on your shoulders and moving you back from him slightly as hestares in to your eyes. “If you ever, ever feel so bad as to want to dosomething like this again, you come to me right away, okay? And I’ll do thesame, and that way we’ll both be safe.”

You nod and promise him you will try your best, and he holdsyou tight again, kissing along your forehead and temples, finishing with alight kiss on the tip of your nose

“I love you, MC. I couldn’t bear to be without you.”

V/Jihyun Kim

He had noticed you weren’t doing so well – he always knewwhen something was up – but you brushed it off and said it was nothing

Jihyun forced himself to trust you, but he couldn’t hide hisanxiety when you insisted you would be okay staying at home whilst he went toget some groceries for the house

He gives you a kiss on the forehead before leaving, hisheart already pounding. You would be okay, he reassured himself

An hour later he rushes home with the groceries. He onlyjust stopped himself sprinting around the supermarket as he got whatever hefelt was essential, just wanting to be home with you, to make sure you wereokay and well

He turns the key in the lock and calls out for you as thedoor swings open. When he doesn’t get a reply, he takes a deep breath and dumpsthe groceries in the kitchen

V noticed the red light signalling that the water heater wason – you must be getting a bath. He flicks the switch off, figuring you mustalready be in it and so don’t need the heater to be on any longer

He quietly packs the groceries away before walking upstairsto the bathroom. He gently knocks on the door and calls in to you to tell youhe’s home, but you don’t answer. He can hear a light splashing noise,indicating you must be in the bath

Trying his best to stay calm, Jihyun realises you haven’tlocked the door. That is very unlike you

“Honey, MC, are you okay? Did you hear me?” he calls. Thesplashing gets a bit louder, and he turns the door and opens it slowly, hisheart pounding. “MC?-”

His heart drops as he sees you. You’re in the bath fullyclothed, forcing your head under the water, your body struggling against itselfas it begged for air

V dives forward and grabs you around the waist, lifting youfrom the bath. Water spills everywhere as Jihyun tightens his arms around you

You’re sick almost instantly, and he helps you over to thetoilet. Mainly water comes up, and you splutter and gasp for air

“J-Jihyun?” you stutter, once you’ve finished being ill. Vjust stares straight ahead as he continues rubbing circles in to your back. Youcan tell he’s trying to register what’s happening

“Honey, why would you... is everything alright? You do knowyou can tell me anything,” he reminds you, his voice so quiet and brokensounding that you can feel your heart breaking

You try to explain your motives, and he pulls you so closeto him you’re sitting on his lap. He continues to rub circles in to your back,before mumbling that he needs to call an ambulance so they can make sure you’reokay. You nod silently, and he takes out his phone and rests the side of hishead against yours as he quietly talks in to the phone

When he hangs up, he slides it back in to his pocket beforewrapping both arms around you and burying his face in your neck. He’s so silentfrom then on, even when the paramedics arrive and even when you’re both sittingin the back of the ambulance

V gets lost in his head, trying to figure out what he’ssupposed to do for you, to help you and to make sure something like this doesn’thappen again. After you’re told you are okay, he takes you home and justcuddles with you on the sofa, whispering to you all that he’s been thinkingabout over the last few hours, and reminding you that he loves you and willalways love you, until the both of you finally stop shaking with anxiety andfall asleep together

Unknown/Saeran

Saeran had gone out for a walk, needing a bit of fresh air.You were still asleep, and so he let you rest by yourself in the bunker for thetime being, knowing you would probably still be asleep when he got home

And so he was surprised when his phone buzzed with a textfrom you. He stared at the screen, the five worded text – ‘I’m sorry. I loveyou’ – confusing him greatly for a moment, before he suddenly realisedsomething was up and turned and ran back to the bunker

“MC?” he calls as he opens the door. “What do you mean bythis text?”

He can’t hide the worry from his voice. You don’t respond,but Seven stands up from where he was working and walks over

“Is everything okay, Saeran?” he asks slowly, a concernedlook on his face

“Where is MC?” Saeran barks, and Seven just shrugs

“I thought you were both still sleeping, I hadn’t evenrealised you’d gone out.”

Saeran pushes past him and sprints to your shared room. Whenhe enters, he freezes and watches as you force the knife into your abdomen,letting out a shriek as you do so

He’s over by you in a heartbeat, gently holding you andlowering you down to sit on the bed

“MC, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” he yells,ignoring Seven who is now standing at the door looking terrified

You stare at him, wide eyed, hands still holding the knife.The pain is overwhelming, and you can’t think enough to form words, but stillyou let your jaw drop open as you try to speak

“I’ll call an ambulance,” Seven says from the doorway,rushing off to get his phone

“MC, tell me right now, what the fuck you were hoping toachieve by doing this,” Saeran snarls, glaring at you, but you can see the painforming in his eyes

“I’m s-sorry,” is all you can manage, and with that he wrapshis arms around you and pulls you close, careful to avoid touching anywherenear the knife. You wrap one arm around him, using the other to hold the knifeas still as possible, knowing it would be worse to pull it out now. You feelhis hand over your own on the knife, making sure you don’t try to pull it out

He starts to sob into your shoulder, apologising over andover, his voice so quiet he’s practically whispering. He won’t say anythingother than sorry for a good ten minutes, his voice becoming more and morehoarse and unclear

He lets go of the knife and moves away slightly when theparamedics arrive. You’re rushed to hospital, with him and Seven sitting in theback of the ambulance with you Seven rests a hand on Saeran’s arm and keeps itthere for the entire ride, Saeran too distraught to push him away or get him tolet go. Every time you whimper or make any noise expressing your pain, Sevencan feel him jolt, and Saeran digs his nails harder in to his leg each time,knowing he’s going to break the skin soon, but not caring enough to stop. Heneeds the pain right now

As Saeran waits in the waiting room, he leans his head inhis hands and rests his elbows on his knees, refusing to move or talk until you’reable to speak to him. Even then, he ends up just whimpering and apologisingagain as he leans down to you to hold you.

“Please never leave me MC. I’m begging you, never leave.”

(AN: Initially I wasgoing to make MC use a gun in the last one, and stop the repetition of the twoones where she hurts her wrists, but I honestly don’t want to do the researchon where MC would have to shoot herself in a suicide attempt for it not towork, whereas I already know that a stab to the abdomen will not cause adefinite death for her, although it will cause a lot of pain.

I do truly hope you’reall okay, I am here if anyone needs someone to talk do. Take care!)

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beowulfs-booty-call · 7 years

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The High Priestess, Strength, The Hermit, Justice, The Sun, weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

WHEEEEEEE! Okay, honestly, whee reminds me of the Sun and what do you know, a birth tarot card lmao

Anywho, without further ado...!

The High Priestess: One thing you wish you knew

Golly, there’s a lot of stuff I wish I knew, tbh... I wish I knew a lot of stuff I didn’t have to learn the hard way these more recent years in a sense...

But, to be real, I wish I really knew if I was ever going to fall in love with the right person in my life. I know, I know, “You’re the romantic incubus, you’re going to.” But what I mean is, I wish I knew when was the right time, like, how do I know when I’ll be ready to fall in love with someone? Will it be when I feel comfortable with myself like I’m learning to? Will it be when I start bettering myself because of someone else? Will it be when I lose someone and I realize the things they brought to my life ended up making me living a life I can’t live without them? It’s... Tough. I woke up two hours ago, from an intense fever like dream and suddenly everything feels like nothing really exists. Like I’ve been dreaming for a hundred years.

And that’s what I’ve been wondering about since I woke up.

When will I know I can or will fall in love.

Granted, it’s something I feel is sort of my own recurring thing to figure out, I really wish I just... Knew, you know?

Now, if it was about a thing I wish I knew as a kid I didn’t have to now, it would be that, people are going to love me for who I am, that being bi is perfectly fine, and being my own person is nothing to hurt me. Masculinity, Femininity... They’re just perceived notions of people. No one is going to stop loving me just because I cross my legs, or because I feel personally comfortable with someone of my own gender, and the opposite gender now and again in a relationship with myself. That... That it’s okay to be who you are now, that no one’s going to tell you to be you, than yourself and your heart.

I really wish I knew that so long ago, so I could be so much happier when I was younger, but, the thing to takeaway from that now is that in the end, it’s okay. I’m learning to make my life better now, and others. That’s really all I can do. And I’m hella into it.

Strength: Something you struggle with

God, accepting myself was the first thing, learning to move on from past mistakes was another, but they’re something I’ve gotten through. Right now, it’s working past the emotional abuse my parents have put me through and learning to give myself the love they haven't. I still have to deal with the pain of looking in the mirror, and thinking: “You’re okay, you aren’t a tool. You aren’t unfeeling for bottling things up. You were just hurt. And that’s okay.” It’s also come to the point I say sorry for many things, big and small but for nigh anything. I know you’ve helped coach me not to put myself in a position in which small acts of kindness are worth gratitude in the way that I make it seem (Like, you know, saying thank you for you acting like a decent person when, I don’t consider myself that.) as well as apologizing for any little thing, but it’s still something I’m trying hard to come off on. I personally think I waste people’s time and I don't actually deserve any sort of kindness because I’m so used to vying for it instead. I’m used to watching people be happy, and I try my best to make them happy, but I can’t see myself happy. And that’s why it’s still hard for me to come off my mannerisms as “stiff”.

It’s hard because I have these doubts in my mind that when I put my hands together and I feel “stiff”, I’m that kid who sits alone during an award’s ceremony, my parents not there, and I’m walking up to the podium like a machine, and I sit back and pretend I don’t feel anything so I don't break down telling everyone I’m sorry for looking so badly.

The truth is, I’m learning to move past it. The stiffness is still there at times, but this time I have people I can trust and talk to, and people who love me for who I am. It’s really done a number on my mannerisms now, and, well, I know that this is something I can overcome sometime in the future.

The Hermit: Favourite way to spend a day alone

I like to walk and explore my town or the city when I’m alone, or curl up in bed and read a good book! Personally, I've been left alone for many a time, so I got used to the alone time by inserting myself in stories and myths I read, or by surfing the net for the latest spells to add to my grimoire. When I’m exploring, I like to window shop and maybe even do some chatting with the locals in my spot! We’re all technically neighbors in the sense that I feel perfectly fine with striking up a conversation with someone while waiting for a chai latte at Starbucks.

That said, I like to draw and write, it’s how I practice! Voice acting... Praying / meditating... Heck, even singing at times!

But the best way, I say, is when I sit down, put my favorite songs on, all light and maybe a little bit airy... And I wash my hands clean and start to organize my gemstone collection and I do the same with my pokemon card collection and coin collection too! I look through my memory box and then I start to Right after, I pull up my memory box and I end my day there.

My memory box is this lovely fake box shaped like a book that housed simple trinkets, like a keychain from my teacher when he went to London, tickets from the movies I saw with an old friend... A hand made letter from my grandpa... Those things all got into my memory box. At times, when I feel bad, I sift through them and I let myself rethink the memories I had with them.

Justice: A decision you wish you could do over

Definitely not allowing myself to really branch out and start learning more about myself. I didn’t take up any clubs in school until I was a sophomore / junior because my parents told me my grades weren’t high enough (I was an 80 student at the time because the classes were AP and Honors) and as such, clubs were a “luxury”. I ended up taking International Club with my Spanish teacher, later adoptive father figure, Martinez, and photography club in late junior club with my other spanish teacher who really got me into acknowledging myself as a real persona and my love for photography. And even art club!

Had I done that earlier, I feel like I would have so much more to give back and get on as time goes on, but in the end? I’m so glad I took them up anyhow, they’re pieces of what made me who I am today.

The Sun: Your happiest memory

Goodness, there’s some few of them I got in mind, but man...

One of them was when, I was but a young kid, no more than like 4 or 5. I visited my grandfather in his real estate office and I was just about to graduate my prekindergarten class.

Now, my grandpa looked at me like I was his pride and joy even though we weren’t related by blood. Let me tell you. This man was in his office, and I ended up coming in, and asked his assistant if he was free. Jay, his assistant, warned me that he was busy, but I told him I only wanted to just drop in and say hi. It was a lie, because I wanted me and Mr. Rudy (as we called him, he hated the name “Grandpa”) to go to have lunch at mcdonalds or white castle since it was late may and, well, who doesn’t like some fast food?

So, I knock at his door, and he opens the door to see little old me in my catholic school uniform with a tie and dress shirt and the whole shebang saying,

“Good afternoon, Mr. Rudy! How are you? Are you with a customer?” (Little me prided himself on being able to say customer and not mincing the word like when I say “renember” instead of “remember”.)

And normally you’d see his glare under his glasses and he’d be angry with you if you did disturb him, but soon as he saw me... He laughed, opened his arm and pulled me up and carried me in talking to his client at the time and sat me down on his lap while he was at his deck. I don’t recall the actual thing the client and him were discussing, but they asked who I was and my grandpa had the biggest, proudest grin on his face and he put his hand over my head, ruffled my hair and said sUPER loud “This is my son!” and little me... Man, little Chris™ was “I’m his son!” on repeat for a good hour.

We went out, to my graduation after that, and it was then my grandpa went ahead, cancelled his meetings and personally was there to watch. He took me out to celebrate at the local diner and we ended up talking endlessly about Jesus and the catholic religion as a whole because I was just learning about it all. Honestly, it was my happiest memory, because when my father and mother never once acted like one, my grandpa was there to do so, with a big smile on his face, a good stimulating chat with someone like me, and always saw me as an adult. I felt so validated for my feelings and thoughts. That memory never left me, not even to this day. He’s sadly not around anymore since he passed memorial day weekend, but in an odd sense? He left me a cross made of petrified wood and a cast iron Christ on it, with an opal rosary wrapped around it and a leather backed bible dating from the 60′s. In a sense, he’s not here anymore, but those memories, those little things we did together... They’ll never leave me.

#Thanks for asking me this David!#Really!#Wulf answers #Girafari-g-irafarig #girafari-g-irafarig

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todokori-kun · 7 years

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‘I’d even ship him with Shuu’ what have you done now I’m actually shipping that (Shuu trying to be his usual romantic, flirtatious self and then realising Urie either doesn’t get it or doesn’t want to get it)

I KNOW IT’S SO SAD

TG’s quality does seem to be going down a bit these last few chapters (I think the real problem started with the Touken romance. I swear I’m not being salty about a ship I don’t particularly like being canon, I just feel like the pacing was a bit bad…Touka’s ‘are you a virgin’ came completely out of the blue, plus Touken has hardly interacted in Re before the recent chapters. It’s been YEARS since they’ve seen each other, wouldn’t things have changed? Neither of them are teenagers anymore. Both of them have grown and changed, but Touka chose not to stay near Kaneki and watch his growth, while Kaneki had no way to see how Touka’s experiences gradually changed her. But Ishida decided to suddenly make it canon and then start focusing on the Touka-Kaneki-Mutsuki triangle to the point where it feels like he’s abandoning his other plot threads… kind of like what Isayama’s been doing lately.).

However, I believe that Ishida is completely capable of making things better if he wants to (remember, he still has the Hide trump card- bring Hide back in a believable way that nobody has predicted and also adds to the story, and I imagine most of the fandom will forgive everything that’s gone wrong in Re so far) so I’ll stick around. Plus, I’ve just gotten too attached to all the characters ;-;

Ugh, y'know, even if it wouldn’t fit very well with all the implied Mutsurie, I wish Ishida would just pull a plot twist and make Ken/Urie or Urie/Saiko canon.

I think I kinda hate centipedes now.

1: Yeah, I don’t think that’s Mutsuki’s hand either (like you said, it looked pretty 'fresh’. Plus, I have no idea how Mutsuki would have gotten one of the limbs Torso cut off). The only reason I mentioned it was because of the parallel with Torso showing Mutsuki their own hand with a wedding ring on it…Ishida loves his symbolism so I thought this might actually matter to the plot.

2: I think it was probably either a stranger or an acquaintance, since she seems slightly surprised and not exactly 'happy’ to see this person, but not afraid or displeased either. I’m scared…why would Ishida not show us who it was if it wasn’t something important? If things went well Yoriko’s probaby just gained some knowledge about what’s going on (perhaps she’s been told where Touka is and why she can’t come to the wedding?), but if not…perhaps a villain’s blackmailing her…idk :(

3: I want to believe that too, but I’m not sure yet. If there’s a reason for Yoriko looking so serious then that might be connected with the mystery character who greeted her when she was out shopping.

Thank you, that really means a lot to me <3 What I’m really worried about right now is that I go to a piano 'hagwon’ (a cram school of sorts, I guess?) and this year they’re going to do a small concert. Everyone who goes to the hagwon has to play a song and I have no idea how I’m going to do this ;-; just trying to look a person in the eyes when I’m talking to them scares me, how am I supposed to get on the stage in front of a crowd (a small crowd, since everyone there to see the concert will be the parents/family of the kids participating, but seriously). Things are just a bit complicated XD

Adorable Shuu. I guess that would just make me tease him even more LOL I’d probably ruin all his dramatic moments.

(Now that I think about it, though, Shuu and I have similar interests: music, fashion, art, literature…though I guess he’s a lot more interested in food than I am haha)

Oh, I’m so glad you liked them! I tried my best ;)

I actually like doing matchup things so that may be why they’re acceptable…if I ever get a tumblr account I think I’d like to make a scenario/hc/matchup blog.

As for Storm in Lover, yep, that was from your 'the names are weird’ message XD after I decided to add Love Live into the headcanons I ended up going on YT to listen to a few of the songs. They were all really cool, but it just felt like Storm in Lover would be Urie’s guilty pleasure song (or maybe that’s just because I ended up likng SiL way more than I was prepared for?)

BLOW US ALL AWAY QUEEN LUNA

I’M GLAD MY HUMBLE HEADCANONS COULD HELP

I WILL WRITE MORE

AS MANY AS YOU NEED TO GET THROUGH NEXT WEEK

(Seriously tho

-since your hair is either 'too long and in a ponytail’ or 'really short and in a ponytail’, Urie is secretly very, very disappointed when you’re wearing it short. He likes playing with your hair when you’re too busy watching TV or reading to notice he’s being cute ok

-short or long, whenever Urie gets a hold of your hair, he WILL style it. Don’t you dare say no to the Captain of the Q squad. A simple ponytail? Unacceptable.

-Saiko approves of this relationship

-So would Sasaki, if Sasaki still existed

-Shirazu approves from beyond the grave

-Mutsuki doesn’t care)

Thanks! <33 And yeah, I think I’m slowly starting to get the hang of it ^^

I find all of those moments very relatable. Golfishes unite! :D

Burr is one of those weirdly shippable characters that almost every fandom seems to have…

And oh, I see! Honestly Tony is still one of my favorite avengers…RDJ really brings him to life. And if you’ve seen Captain America I definitely recommend The Winter Soldier and Civil War (next movies in the series)! So much Bucky angst ;-; Also the Thor movies, because I have a feeling you might like Loki.

Some of the best Loki quotes:

“Well done, you’ve just decaptitated your grandfather!”

“An ant has no quarrel with a boot.”

“Freedom is life’s great lie.”

“Oh dear, is she dead?”

Btw, do you remember the time I said I’d write a Heathers one-shot on the Yoi blog and never did? I think I’m getting over my writer’s block so maybe I can write that one-shot and submit it here?(And if that’s ok, do you maybe have any suggestions for which character I could use? I was going to write it as a Yuuri/reader but that doesn’t seem to fit so well anymore, so I might go with a TG character…I’d also like to use a character you like, since you’ll probably be the only person reading it ^^;;)

Speaking of Heathers though, when you have the time, is it ok if I try to drag you into that fandom again? Along with Dear Evan(s) Hansen. It’ll hurt you very, very badly but it’ll probably be worth it.

Oh dear, even more rarepairs. And I’m the one who ‘invented’ this one. Well, like I’ve said, as long as Urie is happy, I don’t care about whom he’s with.

ISHIDA IS A GHOUL, ONLY HE DOESN’T LIVE OFF OF DEAD HUMANS, HE LIVES OFF OF PEOPLE’S SUFFERING!!!

Honestly, you’ve voiced my thoughts perfectly. I can’t help but get irritated at all the changes that have been happening. For me, it started around the time we found out about Mutsuki’s past. I mean, can’t we have one character who had a nice childhood and isn’t insane deep inside? At this point, basically everything is overdoing it for me. Let them have a break. A nice moment. A single day without a centipede or someone dying. TG is slowly turning into shoujo manga. A sick, twisted shoujo manga, but a romantic one. That is the one thing I didn’t want from it. It was actually nice to have a manga without pointless crushes which play an important role in the plot, for a change. Guess I was wrong.

Dude, I don’t care who he kills, if Ishida brings Hide back, he is automatically forgiven for everything and anything. Well, I would care if he killed characters like, but other than that, he’s free to kill anyone he wants (like Furuta (or maaaaybe Mutsuki, but I’d like it better if they redeemed themselves (though that might be difficult))).

I just… I want the cookie to be happy. And Mutsuki is definitely not making him happy.

Gaaah, so many questions and symbolisms, it’s making my head hurt. Here’s my theory: This is a huge setup for everyone to be happy. Mutsuki will run away to New Zealand or something and restart their life, Kaneki and Touka will get married (tho I don’t quite ship it, whatever, as long as they’re happy), Urie will realise he’s loved Saiko all along and she’ll be there waiting for him. Kanae is actually alive and so is Hide. Kanae and Shuu get married. Hide finds himself a nice girlfriend (or boyfriend, not gonna discriminate), opens a pet shop and is happy.

Everyone is happy.

Okay, but imagine this au: ghouls don't exist and there's no reason for so much suffering. Kaneki and Touka are two kids who knew each other from school and now run a coffee shop together. The Q squad went ri the same class and Saiko alway loved Urie. He recently realised it. And so on.

Ah, I definitely know how you feel. I went to music school as well, and we had yearly (or half-yearly, depending on how long you’ve played the piano) recitals. My method of calming down was to imagine I was at home, alone and just practicing. There was no one around me, and it didn’t matter if I messed up. I could always start again. Also, the audience was vegetables, as far as my imagination was concerned. It did help.

I know you can do it (๑و•̀ω•́)و You’re a fighter! The great Evans who can always cheer me up when I’m down. If I’m the queen, then you’re the king! All hail king Evans who’ll kick the recital’s butt!

Oh you would ruin all his moments, and it would be the most amazing thing ever. I’d always laugh at it, cause he’d be denied of all his theatrics.

They’re not ‘acceptable’, they’re absolutely perfect. I seriously can’t thank you enough, because they were very nice cheer-up material after a whole morning of cramming my two least favourite subjects. I’m pretty sure you’d do amazing if you got a blog. You do have amazing talent for writing.

Oh my~ Would you mind then if I listed a few more songs, my favourites?

Yozora wa nandemo shitteru no?

Bokutachi wa Hitotsu no Hikari (there’s a bit of talking in this one, it’s hard to find a version that’s not sped up)

Omoi yo hitotsu ni nare

Mijuku dreamer

Guilty Eyes Fever

soldier game

Thrilling・One Way

Ookay, I’m done ^^ I’m telling you, Idol Hell is very subtle. You won’t even realise you’ve been dragged into it huehuehuehuehuehuehue

Aaand there goes my heart, again. I have no words to thank you enough for writing those, since they help me keep my sanity.

however, we know whom we’d like from TG, but what about other fandoms we share? AoT? YoI? Kuroshitsuji?

Yeah, I’ve been told many times that I’d like Loki, but strictly looks-wise, I must admit I prefer his brother, and I prefer him very much. Idk, I just have a thing for guys with slightly longer hair.

All of that sounds suspiciously like something I’d say…

Of course, feel free to submit anything here! As for the musicals, I’d be happy to listen to them, but after this week is over, because exams. Then, I’ll listen to both Heathers and Dear Evan(s) Hansen, despite the feels ^^

#evans #submission

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ravingmadmanjourney · 4 years

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Ravings of a Madman, A Journey 237

I am sorry for not writing sooner. Life sucked lately. In fact, I am probably very lucky to still be alive. The cause? Depression! I will continue to write about my constant struggles with it. Understand this-- the only reason I am writing this one is to shed light on a very dark subject. A catchy meme does not do the job. Talking about the effects of depression on a single person might explain the hell of depression. Explain just how sneaky it can creep up on a person when everything seems rosy and bright. Creep up on a person with thoughts of suicide. . .

True, there were signs of another bout of depression on the way. But I never thought it would hit me that badly. The question I am facing right now is just how far do I go into this. How deeply into my mental turmoil? Vultures are out their that flock to anyone that shows any weakness pretending to be friendly while twisting a knife deep into your heart. That happened to me. Adriel Davidson, the very definition of scum on earth! You took advantage of me while I battled that last bout of depression. I knew someone was stealing money from my SSI card. It was easy, wasn't it? Just slip into my wallet, get out the card and copy down the numbers. Ah, but you made the mistake of also copying down the numbers of the replacement card. I knew then. I just did not want to admit it. Admit that someone I truly trusted would take advantage of my mental health. At first I thought I was losing my mind. Then I thought I deserved it. I was nothing, just a big pile of shit. And when I did allow myself to finally admit it, this latest crisis started.

Then add to this the fading of my superhero, my dad. He is ninety-two! Now he needs to be placed into an assistant care facility. It is for the best. Over the last year I noticed just how forgetful he has gotten, how unable he was to take care of himself. It is hard. Seeing the gradual effects of aging. I still lived in Indianapolis when mom got cancer. I did not see that daily decline with her. I only witnessed the last month and a half of the struggle with death she could not win. And I felt glad, happy that I missed. It. Then I felt guilty about it, guilt that I was not there at her side during her last struggle. Then, with her death, I became Dad's main source of support, the one who should help him in his life. Me, with my own health problems that made it difficult to take care of my own needs. I noticed those accusatory glances from the people in the building who knew we were related. Why don't you take better care of your dad? You are a horrible son! Real or imagined, does it really matter? It added to the depression the strain on my sanity! He lives next door to me. What am I going to do when he moves? He is all that I have! My family, relatives certainly don't care about us!

Then responsibility and secret knowledge come into play. I know my two brothers are in poor health, unable to travel. I must keep this from dad because of his own condition and dementia. I want to tell him, but. . . And my sister! Who lives close to us, just an hour's drive, who is older than me, she was his favorite child, does not give a damn about him anymore! Twice in the last year or so dad ended up in the hospital. I let my sister know, and she promised to visit. And she never came! I don't understand! How could she. . . ? Why me?

I guess those are the main issues. There are more. Mostly the knowledge of my inability to take care of my needs and my growing tendency to not trust anybody! I mean is if a person you knew all of his life and thought of as the son you never had could betray you and steal from you, what will a person that you don't know do to you? I never married, never had any children. I am alone in this dark and frightening world that gets worse every day!

I thought I was doing better, months since that last crisis ended. And then Monday happened. I was singing to myself, a song called Cornerstone, about how Jesus is the cornerstone of life. Then I suddenly realized what I was actually singng was Suicide! With no warning, no thoughts of that for months. When I thought I had a handle on things. Thoughts of suicide attacking me once again. It took me a long time to fight that off, too appealing, seeming to be the answer to everything! Then two day later another hit, a minor problem that any other time would not bother me. That reawakened that old belief that I was nothing, that I deserved this! There is no escape from your pain but suicide!

Bullshit! Instead of caving into that pressure, I did something I have never done before. I sought immediate help! It was Wednesday night. Just before bible study. God I wanted to stay home, barricade myself from a cold and brutal world. Instead, I went to Bible study! When he saw me my pastor knew something was wrong. He comforted me. He knows about my mental problems. Then after bible study, I told him about those thoughts. I surprised myself! He listened, offered advice. He made me feel that I could make it. And he told me to contact my doctor. Which I did.

What comes next? I don't know. Why am I writing this? Because a lot of people who suffer mental illness are too afraid to say anything. With good reasons. There are too many people who attack people with mental illnesses. We are looked down on. Thought to be weak. WE ARE NOT WEAK. WE ARE BATTLING EVERYTHING OUR VERY SOUL CAN THROW AT US, EVERYTHING BAD. OUT VERY THOUGHTS OF EVERY FAILURE, EVERY TIME WE BELIEVED WE SHOULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING TO HELP OTHERS OUT. OUR SOULS TWIST EVERYTHING FROM OUR ENTIRE LIFE! WE HAVE MET THE ENEMY AND THEY ARE US! . It takes superhuman strength to stand up, to act. It is an overwhelming force to overcome just to face another day. I am only one person out of millions that suffer everyday just to live. I can only write about what I experience.

There are brighter days ahead. I have hope.

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penderworth · 7 years

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Life Events for March

I’m back in Nanaimo this week after a week in Vancouver. It’s great to see everyone here that I met last summer, and I’m surprised how excited they are to see me as well. It’s made me realize that I’m a bit tired of making friends that I’ll just end up leaving in a few days. I really love travel, I just feel like this will be the last year of doing it full time.

The location

Yesterday I drove down to Victoria to check it out again and hopefully hang out with Reagan. She was caught up in an intricate assignment since this was her reading week, so we didn’t get to hang out which was a shame. I did get a good amount of time on the drive there and back, as well as the walk from the city center to the shore, to think a bit more about what’s important to me in a place. It’s people. While I already knew that, there was something else I’d not realized: they are everywhere, so just pick a place I love and move there, then find the people I like.

It’s funny because that approach is much the opposite of what most people do. They seem to move to a new city, panic for a few days or weeks, then attempt to make new friends, then call their old friends and complain about how it isn’t working. But I can make new friends almost anywhere. I could have in Budapest if I tried! I just didn’t try because I was staying alone and that always goes badly, despite me continuing to do it.

I’m pretty excited to use this approach and see how it works in practice. The places on my list, in order of likelihood, are:

Portland

Seattle

Copenhagen

Vancouver

Toronto

I need to spend much more time in each one to figure out if they are a longterm place for me, so I’ve got a few ideas on where to start. I’d like to begin in Portland and just try living there for a month. If it works really well, I’ll move all my stuff up there. If not, I’ll try Seattle another month.

The challenge right now is time. I’m Down Under until the beginning of May, then I’m going to Montreal for The xx. I don’t really have to go to that show, and there’s not a lot compelling me to attend since their current album isn’t that great, but I do want to check out Montreal because I hear really good things — their music scene is far superior to Vancouver, and in some ways Toronto; their art scene is the best in North America.

After Montreal, the plan was to go to NYC for the month of June or July, and spend one of those traveling with Mark as well. It’s more up in the air than usual since later this year is pretty much set, but I’m glad it is since it gives me some flexibility to try a few things out. I have an opportunity to move up to Portland around that time at least.

Then the plan is to be in Toronto from August to October, since my flight to Europe is from there. I want to spend the winter in Copenhagen since it was such a lovely place when I went last time, and it seemed like the best place to spend a winter. I hope it all works out for that to happen, since it is super expensive and I need to find a longer term place to stay. I’ll ping some of the people I met last time and see if they have some ideas.

And that’s about it for this year. I want to travel more with Daniel, so maybe he’ll join me in Copenhagen for some of the winter, or I’ll go down to Italy for something. I want to spend some time in Italy, it’s just more of a place I visualize being a summer adventure than a winter one — though he does tell me it’s quite nice in winter, unlike NYC.

The heart

That’s the broader side of my life. On the heart and relational side, things are all over the place. I feel like I’ve gotten too passionate about going on dates in each city, and meeting girls, and practicing whatever that skill or thing is. For a while I was excited about it, but now it’s become a chore. It’s especially irritating because I went on such a great date with Emily in Vancouver and she didn’t “see it going anywhere”. But that happens with everything.

I knew I’d gotten too invested in all this when Daniel P. told me to take a step back. Of all people, he would be the one to tell me keep going, so that was a bit jolting to hear. I really need to slow down, stop using Tinder, and honestly stop pursuing girls in general. I know it makes me more attractive — as strange as that sounds when I think about it — but I’m not excited to slow down and do something different.

The funny thing is, I got into a rhythm traveling. I would go to a city a week, make a song for the city on my days off, go on a date whenever it worked out, and things would keep getting better with each new city and song and date. Now it’s slowing down and I’m feeling less excitement toward it. I still get excited when I get a new match and when I meet a cool girl in a café or something, but I can see what Daniel means: I’m investing too much in it. He said to find some hobbies.

On the road, hobbies are tough. My little synth was the best thing I had. I’m very tempted to get a small MIDI controller at this point since my Mac keyboard just isn’t a great feel for making music. But I also feel like I keep blaming the tool and the real issue is I’m not motivated to make music in the first place. I have a hard time starting new things. This journal entry, for example, has been on my list of things to do all week and I finally got around to it on a Sunday afternoon — not in the morning of each weekday like I wanted to. That should be a big hobby goal: Writing more.

What gets me caught up with writing, though, and any creative endeavor I begin, is the fact that I never really have a focus at the beginning. I always start with chaos and later on it seems I’m not cleaning up the chaos. This journal entry seems like that, but I’m not gonna go edit my journal entry because it just doesn’t matter that much. I likely won’t read this at all in the future — it’s a processing tool for my mind, mostly. But that’s not what writing is to me.

I’m trying to figure out how to incorporate writing into my routine more. You’d think I don’t have a routine at all, but I do — traveling isn’t an unpredictable thing for me anymore. I’ve gotten really good at visualizing city infrastructure before I get to one and knowing just what I need to do, often without my phone. It’s sweet — a hobby of its own! — but gets old for sure.

The spirit

When it comes to the spiritual side of me, things are quite difficult to explain. They’re all over the place. I can’t definitively say what I believe because there isn’t an absolute explanation and I feel like whenever I nail it down, it moves again. It’s cool that things are moving and improving and such, but it’s also likely a damaging thing for “my faith” I think. I’d like to slow it down more.

Through the past year, my religious and spiritual journey has been all over the place. When I get close to Christianity again, I’m usually reminded of how small-minded a lot of Christians are, and from where I’m at now a lot of that doesn’t make sense. But the community is and always has been pretty great. There are certainly issues, but there are plenty of those with non-Christians as well.

I’d still consider myself a Christian for a similar reason Mike McHargue would: It has made me a better person, and even if the relationship with God isn’t there sometimes, it has been there and this is certainly not causing me to hurt any other people — other things are, but never religion. If it does, I’ll be taking a step back and figuring out some things. For right now, though, it’s very much a personal journey. If someone wants to step into it with me, I welcome that and I’m excited to interchange perspectives because that’s always what’s kept me going and I know I can do a lot for others in that area.

I’ve told a lot of people this, but for me the biggest motivation in my life is helping people. I want to see happy people who are confident to find their own solutions and ask for help and share what they’ve learned. That’s broad because it’s a broad thing, really. I’m 22. I haven’t figured out what I want to say in a lot of ways, so I’m just saying stuff here. A more longterm goal in my life is to help with city planning and infrastructure: make it easier for people to get around, to live life, to see their friends, etc. I also want to be a part of a housing co-op.

That was a lot of words! I’m done now :) It sure did go fast. I need to do this more. Finding content is the hardest part.

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