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#fully never shutting up about this
iheartbookbran · 12 days
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actually you know what in retrospect the best part abt the Debling plot was that the reason he decided to not propose to Penelope after all was bc he realized that the minute he put a foot out the door he was getting cuckolded by Colin lmfaoooo
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blaithnne · 5 months
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if I had a nickel for every time Hilda became teary eyed because a close family member was forced to chose between staying with her, or returning to live with their parents in the magical otherworld they're native to, and came THIS close to leaving her only to come around at the last minute, condemning themselves to potentially never see their parents again because the life they've built with Hilda is more important to them, their bond is unbreakable and their love eternal, and they'd move mountains to make her happy, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.
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thirstyvampyr · 2 months
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An ode to Barry's ass
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becca-e-barnes · 9 months
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BECCA THESE SUBBY DBF!BUCKY THOTS ARE KILLING ME IN THE BEST WAY I LOVE IT SO MUCH😩😵‍💫🤤
Coming back to this because my weakness is submissive older men 🤤
Just the thought of clamping your hands around his neck while you're on top and watching him lose it makes me dizzy.
I absolutely love the thought of fucking yourself on him, grinding your hips back and forth with his length inside you while he whimpers and moans beneath you.
He's surrendered all the control he's ever had. You both know that it'd take very little effort if he decided he wanted to change the dynamic but he has no interest in doing that.
He wants you on top of him, using him for your own pleasure rather than his. He wants you to leave scratches down his chest where your nails have sunk into his skin. He wants flushed, stinging cheeks, reminding him of each little slap you've given him when his eyes flutter shut and he stops looking at you for even a few seconds.
But then one of your hands cups his neck and that feels like an entirely different kind of submission. It's not a painful sensation that he expects when he imagines being submissive in bed; it's dizzying. The light pressure on his neck is delightful but more than anything, it feels like you're fully in control. He's vulnerable like this and he loves it.
"Both hands. Please." He's never sounded so needy and any hesitation you might have felt a few seconds ago melts away. Your other hand joins the first, wrapped around his neck, your fingers squeezing slightly and he looks entirely blissed out underneath you.
"Oh fuck." He groans, thrusting his hips up towards you in a desperate attempt to make sure he's buried as deep inside you as he can manage.
"You're fucking pathetic like this." You tease, adjusting your grip on his neck to remind him exactly where your hands are. You feel his pulse under your fingers and you feel your body flutter at the realisation. "You're losing yourself in me, aren't you?"
His eyes close for a few seconds while he tries to focus on the sensation, rather than the sight of you but that won't do. You take one hand from his neck, slapping his face gently and the rush he feels from the release of pressure is euphoric.
"Did I say you could look away?" You tease, putting your hand back on his throat, keeping your grip tight while he shakes his head.
His hands land on your hips, helping you grind back and forth on him, rubbing his length right where you need it. He probably won't get off like this but you absolutely could.
"I want to feel you cum. I need you to squeeze my neck and my cock at the same time." He's fantasised about this and it shows.
"Make me." You were half joking but he starts working your hips faster, setting the pace he knows you like until he stops suddenly, holding your hips still.
"God, I can't cum yet. I don't want this to end." You forgive him this time for closing his eyes, giving him a moment to collect himself before he's back to fucking you on him, begging you to squeeze his neck harder.
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curtain-caller · 10 days
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The Parallels Between Korsica and Roquefort
So, when I was setting up my plans for Fly-High Rush, things were a bit one-sided in terms of group numbers, so instead of keeping Korsica the same, I decided to swap her and Roquefort. I figured they were similar enough to make a switch work.
But then I realized they were... really similar. Like, very, very similar. The comparisons just kept coming and they didn't stop.
So here we are. Welcome to my Ted Talk.
1. WIND ATTACKS:
Let's get one of the bigger comparison out of the way: both of them fight with wind. Korsica uses it all the time, from turning off generators to putting out fires to kicking Chai's ass. Then there's Roquefort, who throws out little tornadoes during his fight and tries to send Chai flying with his Big Bad Wolf attack several times. That move also requires Korsica specifically to hold it back with her own wind gust. Yeah, not much to say here.
2. Connection to a Vandelay Sibling:
See, this is the point that really got the gears turning in my head. Both of them have a close connection to a Vandelay sibling who saved their lives: Roquefort to Kale, and Korsica to Peppermint.
"I was on my deathbed when Kale saved me. I was smart, but weak. He fixed that." - Roquefort
"Your wound was really bad...We didn't have a choice." - Peppermint "You... saved my life." - Korsica
Not to say Peppermint saved Korsica single-handedly (shout out to Mac and CNMN, the true mvps), but then again, I doubt Kale painstakingly upgraded Roquefort's body piece by piece on his own, so my point still stands. Both Vandelay siblings had a hand in saving their lives respectively, and because of that, you can see the bonds formed between these two duos.
Peppermint tries to be welcoming and reassuring to Korsica when she first comes to after Kale's murder attempt, and Korsica returns that reassurance later on in Mimosa's level. She hasn't even been with the gang for a full mission yet, is probably still getting used to these changes, and she still tries to comfort Peppermint, especially during her "Kale's my brother" reveal.
Not to mention, during the optional conversations in Roquefort's office before you face Kale, Korsica's dialogue is slightly different in terms of topic. Everyone has something to say regarding their own specific character arcs and motivations, but part of Korsica's dialogue is specifically her worrying about Peppermint.
"But I'm a bit worried about Peppermint. This is personal for her." - Korsica "After all we've been through, it might not be easy... but I think she can handle it." - Chai "You might be right about that, but we need to be there for her when she needs it." - Korsica
Now going back to Kale and Roquefort, while their interactions are brief, you can tell that both of them have at least some respect for each other, which is a hell of a lot more than they give to most of the other Department Heads. Especially Kale.
"Zanzo, Stop. Just stop. Even you jumped the shark on this one. IN THE EYE? What the shit?" - Kale to Zanzo (via SPECTRA Hub vlog) "Only one of of four, Korsica? That's not a passing grade." - Kale to Korsica "It better! No slip-ups! And no defects." - Kale to Mimosa and Rekka Versus...
"Why not? I want to see just how angry you can get, if those punks make it in here." - Kale to Roquefort Sure, Kale still lashes out at him, he's not nice all of a sudden, but it feels like such a massive difference. Kale questions why he ever hired Zanzo, he tried to straight up KILL Korsica, and he's harsh enough to Mimosa and Rekka to the point that they flinch. Hell, REKKA of all people flinches twice. But here? Kale trusts Roquefort to handle things, even if he is a bit dismissive with the "you're just a number cruncher" line.
And on the other side of things, Roquefort is not only loyal to Kale, but surprisingly calm and casual around him. Casual enough to correct him and talk back.
"We...shut down the cafe." - Roquefort "When I said close the campus down, I didn't mean THE CAFE!" - Kale "You said close down everything." - Roquefort
The casual tone of voice is palpable. I genuinely think that's the least angry we see Roquefort, except maybe during the Boss Zoom meeting.
And if you want to go the shipping route, yes, shout out to my lesbians, not much to prove there, but... Hey Kale, do you want to explain why you, a confirmed dog person, gave Roquefort a robotic wolf fursuit? YOU WANNA EXPLAIN THAT??? HUH???
3. Similar Personalities:
They're cold, they're direct, and they're aggressive, and despite their rare goofy moments, I feel comfortable saying they're the most serious of the Department Heads.
Excluding the visual aspects (because this point would be null and void thanks to Roquefort fursuit), these two are by far the least hammy of the bosses. Unlike the others, who provide witty banter, plenty of cheesy lines and over-dramatic reactions, the dialogue for these two is rarely comedic or high-energy.
Here's some examples for comparison:
"I like defects. I like how they taste." - QA-1MIL
"So let's get ready to crumble!" - Rekka
Do I even need an example for Zanzo?
"Let's raise the stakes, and turn down the lights!" - Mimosa
"You've had a few hits, but I think it's time we break up the band." - Kale
Compare that to...
"Caught you off guard." - Korsica "I'll make sure you stay down this time!" - Korsica "You cocky LOSER!" - Korsica
"You sure made an entrance, lad. If you've come for me... I'd walk away." - Roquefort "Where's your confidence now, kid?" - Roquefort "I put my stock in futures, but not yours, kid." - Roquefort
The other bosses are willing to taunt and even go along with Chai's goofiness, but these two? Oh, they don't have much time for that. They barely hesitate, and are not holding back in the slightest. Korsica fucking yeets him down a slope, puts him in a headlock, knocks him out, does whatever she can to hold him back from getting to her office, and only pauses briefly to gaze upon his stupidity before whipping her batons out when he busts in. Even after she gets knocked out and sustains, like, 3 different flavors of concussion(5 if you count Chai and the vent hitting her), she gets RIGHT BACK UP! In a way, Roquefort is a bit more lenient, letting Chai into his office once he gets that far... but the "I'm not fucking around" energy is still there. He's like "Oh, you're really that determined? I respect it. Come at me, kid, I'm not fucking scared." And then he proceeds to back that up. He doesn't even bother attacking Chai with his regular form at first (or at all, frankly), he goes from 0 to 100 and refuses to fall somewhere in the middle. And finally, there's one similarity between them personality-wise that gets its own section, that being how...
4. They're Fueled by Anger:
Basically every boss is aggressive in some way, throwing all kinds of things at Chai as he consistently grinds their 30 day chips from anger management to dust, but here's the thing... When I say "fueled by anger", I mean health-wise. These two heal themselves on-screen because of their anger. With Roquefort, this is pretty well established. He constantly says that all Chai is doing is making him angrier, and that so long as he's mad, he won't be stopped, to the point that thousands of pounds of gold getting the drop on him was the only thing that could take him down. During the verse/phase changes, you can see his health bar quickly refill itself each time, and his wolf form model viewer description wraps this all up in a nice, neat little bow with this line: "Powered by Roquefort's own anger, attacking it will only make it more aggressive and powerful." Now, getting to Korsica... I'll only say this one thing. Can we just acknowledge she went from THIS:
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TO THIS:
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ALL BECAUSE CHAI CALLED HER OBLIVIOUS??? SHE'S OUT FOR BLOOD, SHE WANTS THAT TWINK OBLITERATED. "That's it! Now I'm mad!" - Korsica Anger Management? More like Angry Management, am I right?
5. Chai is Out of his Element:
*Holds Chai up by the scarf* Get his ass, you two (I say this affectionately)
Yeah, Chai is severely out of his element with both of them. These two fights are especially humbling for him, albeit for opposite reasons. Korsica is the one boss Chai can't just run in and beat the crap out of, so we see him struggle a lot as he constantly rolls nat 1s on charisma. He and the gang go through, like, three different plans in the span of the whole boss fight; first going with Peppermint's plan to state the facts and stay cool, followed by Chai's plan of trying to tire her out until she's willing to listen, and finally ending with "Fuck it, let's just kidnap her, we'll work on a plan D later". And to top it all off, Korsica throws an entire new addition to the parry mechanic at Chai in the middle of all of this, and he just has to keep rolling with it. For Roquefort's fight, I think it's pretty clear that Chai is TERRIFIED of him. He goes in all cocky and confident, thinking Roquefort's a pushover, and gets humbled QUICK when Roquefort reveals his true nature. You only very briefly see his confident attitude resurface during this fight, like when he knocks Roquefort through the glass pane to his money vault. Otherwise, he's either terrified or exhausted, especially at the end, gritting his teeth and getting ready to keep fighting because he has no other option. Not to mention the others are constantly reassuring and being protective of Chai during the fight via their call-in dialogue. Chai is straight up NOT having a good time. At least he got an unintentional nap after Korsica's fight, dude needs a rest after dealing with Roquefort. Where's SMIDGE when you need him, dude needs an energy drink, stat.
6. Boss Music:
Okay so I am NOT well-versed in musical vocabulary so like... bear with me on this. Hopefully this is coherent. Anyways, Negotiation and The Fizzith just... have the same vibe to me. Yes, I'm mostly focusing on The Fizzith, I believe in Streamer Mode Supremacy. First of all, I guess I can start off by saying that they're the only bosses with pure instrumentals for their tracks, with everyone else having lyrics in theirs. Second of all, both of their song formats just sound so... similar to me? Idk how to describe it, but like... They both start with a dramatic build up as they instill the fear of God in Chai, with Roquefort having that iconic classical music "DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUN" intro and Korsica having a shorter, but still just as powerful, build up as she jumps up and whips her batons out. This is then followed by, like, a slightly softer and steadier follow up as it proceeds with the rest of the intro cutscene, as Roquefort leaps over Chai and Korsica turns down Chai's offer to talk. Then the tension gradually grows as the fight goes on, with each phase adding another instrument or two to make things more intense. The Fizzith is already a lot more intense than Negotiation at the start, but you can still hear the build up with each phase for both. And then finally, there's a small "calm before the storm" section, aka where Chai almost talks Korsica down, and when Roquefort is amping up for his final Big Bad Wolf attack. Roquefort's goes back to a steady sort of beat for a moment, while Korsica's has that quiet clapping and softened tone. This is then followed by an intense, deep, high-energy climax as Korsica starts throwing everything she has at you, and as Roquefort sends this lengthy tornado sound-wave barrage at you. While this format is by no means an original one (hell, I noticed a lot of this in Mimosa's fight too), there's just something about their music that just... feels interconnected to me. Like, if I had to sit down and imagine any other boss having a parry-based boss fight like Korsica's, just going by their boss fight music, I'd go for Roquefort (with Mimosa as a close second). And genuinely, I have actually sat down and imagined it, and it's almost perfect. I'm connecting the two dots, motherfuckers (I'm not connecting shit) I'M CONNECTING THEM-
7. Control Over Security:
And with that, we're now arriving at the much smaller points that I don't have as much to discuss about. So I don't really need to say much about Korsica during this section, for obvious reasons. But as for Roquefort, he IS the one who takes over once Korsica's out of the picture and shit starts to hit the fan. "Kale, I prioritized shielding the tower. Reallocated the budget so not a bug will get in." - Roquefort And both of them are damn good at holding Chai and the others back. Korsica takes 3 whole stages to get to her, keeping you on your toes the whole time with lasers, brakes, and enemies galore. I imagine it would've been difficult as hell to get into the Security Department in the first place if Chai didn't get knocked out and held for questioning. And while his segment is pretty short, all things considered, Roquefort gives it his all to shield Vandelay Tower, locking it down so well that even the smartest members of the TEA-m are stumped. Chai's the only one with an idea, and even that had several hurdles. The second they started connecting to the cannon to launch Chai, security comes rushing in, and he probably would've gotten caged in if SMIDGE didn't unintentionally hold the door open for him. Let's also not forget the big-screened wanted posters, the whole Invaders Must Die cafeteria fight, and that one specific fucking bird that threw Chai around like a hacky sack. THEY. WANT. THIS. TWINK. OBLITERATED.
8. Their Affection Towards Cats:
Korsica has a folder on her computer labeled "CAT Gifs", and Roquefort fawns over 808 when she uses her Steal the Show ability. I rest my case.
9. Accidental Puns:
Okay, so I would've titled this "both like puns", but the jury's still out on Korsica in my opinion. Yeah, Chai says she's lying about hating puns, but to me, she seems like she's... on the fence of liking them. Like, she's hesitantly annoyed by them. But I CAN say that they've both accidentally made a pun. "You think you can strong-arm ME?" - Korsica "Hey, YOU chose to fight-...Wait, you like puns too?" (points at his arm) - Chai "What? No!" - Korsica "Roquefort here. Shut this place down! Protect Finance at all costs! (Heh, I said "costs!") - Roquefort "Ughhhhhhhh." - Peppermint
10. Probably Awakened Something in Players:
It's no wonder how thirsty the fandom is when these two have some of the most charged lines in the game... "You broke my concentration. So how 'bout I break you?" - Korsica "Let's take this somewhere a bit more secure. So we don't disturb the neighbors." - Roquefort Welcome to Hi-Fi Rush, where they appeal to both the "I love the kind of woman who could kick my ass" community and the furry werewolf boyfriend sugar daddy community.
11. Visual/Dialogue Similarities:
Finishing this off is a section dedicated to miscellaneous visual or dialogue similarities that I couldn't fit elsewhere.
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(The camera zooms in before I can get a good shot of Korsica actually ON her desk, so standard shot it is.) TOP 10 WAYS TO ENHANCE YOUR LEADERSHIP SKILLS IN THE WORKPLACE #1: Jump onto your desk to establish dominance
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Smug little losers...
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GET FUCKING YEETED
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Man, they even intimidated the camera man, they can't keep it straight.
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Spiky, anime-ass hair/fur. Triangular.
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Of course they have blue eyes and nails and pronouns (ft. Chai living the dream) Also, speaking of blue... maybe it's because both of theirs glow blue, but some of their cybernetics have the same vibe to me.
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Mostly just the chest and the arms (since that's all Korsica's got). Maybe I'm just looking too hard but like... the blue tubes connected to the arms, the glowing chest... Okay, I'm running out of red string for my evidence board, moving on. Anyways, not as much to bring up about remaining dialogue similarities, but I still have a few. "Is that a floating cat? Ugh, nothing about you even makes sense!" - Korsica "The numbers are in... and YOU are OUT!" - Chai "Wow. That makes no sense, you idiot!" - Roquefort Behold Chai's natural ability to deal psychic damage by not making any sense whatsoever. And finally... mission plan dialogue. "Mission report. Just...go up." - Peppermint "Up?" - Chai "Up." - Peppermint "That's it?" - Chai "Looks like Korsica's in her office, and it's on the top floor. Hence, "up"." - Peppermint
"Chai, you're doing it! The Tower is unguarded. We're headed your way." - Korsica "Chai! Roquefort's office is a couple floors above you. Get up there and kick his ass!" - Peppermint When in doubt: go up.
So in conclusion...
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svtskneecaps · 7 months
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ngl i really hope german joins the red team sometime. i have no idea what he's like or what he's up to but 1) i want to 2) carre needs a buddy besides cellbit, because i love that guy and being surrounded by english is probably wild in maybe a bad way 3) idk just want to see what happens. maybe homie can match energy. gas mask squad, team friendship. could this be what drags him back? god only knows, but i want to
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go-to-the-mirror · 11 months
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The room was unrecognisable when I returned. There was a shape on the bed, where Harriet had laid, but it wasn’t her anymore. I could barely make out anything even remotely human in the pile of pitted and warped flesh that now remained. The bed itself was slick and shiny with a dark fluid that dripped off the hanging sheets and onto the floor. But what truly repulsed me, what made me flee as I did, was what moved and squirmed on all of it. They covered every surface: the floor, the bed, what used to be Harriet, even the ceiling. A thick, moving carpet of pale, writhing worms.
(MAG 6 - Squirm)
Finally, I found myself standing over the mass of pitted and hollow skin that was once a man. He shuddered violently as the gas engulfed him, and then lay still.
(MAG 26 - A Distortion)
I have read many statements now by those who are changing, who are becoming – something else, and few if any of them seem... entirely rational. Entirely the people that they were before.[…] Then again, I suppose I’m hardly in the best position to judge. Perhaps to anyone listening to these tapes I sound remarkably similar to Hezekiah. Or to Manuela. Or to Jane.
(MAG 152 - A Gravedigger’s Envy)
JORDAN: You turned me into what? A torturer?
ARCHIVIST: Yes.
[…]
JORDAN: I don’t... I don’t know how to be this. I don’t want to scare people.
ARCHIVIST: No. But you’ll learn.
[Beat.]
JORDAN: Am I still me?
ARCHIVIST: I don’t know how to answer that.
(MAG 184 - Like Ants)
I’ve seen what Jon did in MAG 184 being compared to Jonah Magnus, obviously. I’ve compared it to Jonah Magnus, it makes sense. I’ve also seen it compared to what Jon did to Melanie, which makes sense, though I don’t tend to do that myself. I haven’t seen it compared to what Jane Prentiss did, which is interesting, because Jon compares himself to Jane, he does that, he’s been doing it since season 1, thank you deluxe transcripts for ruining my life.
Jane Prentiss turns people into avatars. Jane Prentiss was the first avatar Jon — knowingly — encountered. Really don’t think Jonah Magnus counts. I have a lot of feelings on how Jane and Jon turn people into avatars, on how it’s a reflection of what’s happened to them, especially Jon. How with Jordan there’s this choice that isn’t even a choice at all, that’s basically the same choice given to Jon and Jane alike.
I have lots of feelings on how Jon parallels Jane in the later seasons. And about that relating to the cycle of violence and becoming a fear entity avatar as an allegory for trauma.
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creekbed-burial · 6 months
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Church Of Atonement
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leafuxxtea · 2 months
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god the announcement of hnk (houseki no kuni/land of the lustrous) has got me in shambles,,, i haven't read the chapters after the 10 000 years hiatus so i gotta catch up (actually I'll probably re-read the whole thing)
‼️rambling incoming‼️
imo, hnk is one of the best series for deep psychological analysis,,, it had such a deep impact on me when i first read it (like 3 years ago) and still remains in my top best/favorites series 🥹🥹 i could ramble abt it for so long,,, the process of one losing bit by bit the parts of themselves and replacing it with something else (both physically and metaphorically) in an endless need to help others, but also as an own selfish wish to become better than who they used to be. Then looking back, and realizing things were so much simpler back then, and mourning that past self. (The fact that all of this revolves around their self-hatred and the belief that they're worthless is just. It's so heartbreaking to me. They've become so desperate for affirmation and yet still keeps getting hurt, by others and by themself too.)
i have too many feelings about the manga 😭😭 im losing myself to the brainrot, help-
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mikelogan · 1 year
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Stills from Scrubs 3x06 My Advice to You
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agro-carnist · 10 months
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.
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churchydragon · 9 months
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So is anyone gonna write a fic where the xenomorph starts infecting the other Killers and they have to team up with the Survivors or do I gotta do everything around here
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vampiremilfs · 11 months
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so that “luxury/beige aesthetic in the sims is boring/ugly” girlie turned out to be racist…sorry but im not surprised 💀
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tansyuduri · 11 days
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Dear my Autisitc mind
I thank you for going: Your rp server is down you need ceratonin you know that show you consider your favorite Merlin? Yeah that's your new obsession,
Two fanfics later: Hey so you know how you've always liked Merlin and Arthur but never saw them as a couple? YEAH, THEY ARE YOUR NEW EMOTIONAL SUPPORT COUPLE! YOU KNOW THE ONE WE GIVE YOU EVERY 5 years or so then wait like 5 years then give you another? due to you having a borderline Aro ace mind? YEAH ITS THEM NOW. SUBMIT TO THE GAYS ™  A bit later: HEY YOU KNOW THAT one shot you started writing? Yeah it's gonna be a longfic now A bit later: yeah we have ideas for a prequel and a sequel you are gonna write them too.
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lightbulb-warning · 10 months
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*yearning* id be so powerful if i knew what the fuck i was doing. at all. at any time.
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pepprs · 1 year
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misery despair suffering etc etc
#purrs#delete later#two thoughts about separate things both causing the despair. thought / thing number 1 which i think ive talked abt on here many times before#but im saying it again: i am not good at being a friend in the ways my friends need me to be a friend. and in the ways friendship is thought#of societally i guess. i isolate myself constantly. i pull away from the opportunity to get closer with people i don’t know as well. i don’t#text back and then when im finally ready it’s been so egregiously long since it was appropriate for me to respond or reciprocate or#whatever it is i am so crushed by guilt and shame and embarrassment that i can’t bring myself to do it. i have so many unread messages and i#wont even let myself open them. and ive been like this for years. and i hurt someone very badly many years ago by being that way. and it was#more complicated than that but sometimes i remember it and how i acted and how i treated them. and i wonder sometimes if they check up on me#and i don’t want to be immature or weird or whatever for talking about it or wondering that openly. but if you do read this and you know who#you are: i am so sorry. i meant whst i said that i would never stop wishing you well and hoping the very best for you. and i hope you have#all of that and more. and im so sorry for not being brave enough to communicate with you or stick around. i really really am. and im sorry#to all the other people i have hurt by pulling away and shutting down and shrinking inside myself and not talking. ik it’s weird to post#that instead of just telling people directly but it’s the guilt. i am fully aware of how many people / groups of people i owe things to /#for but also just… miss. a lot. and want to talk to even though i won’t let myself. i don’t know why im like this and i don’t know how to#stop. but im sorry im not a good friend or even acquaintance or community member. and im talking to everyone now i guess including anyone#reading this bc god knows how many asks and messages i have on here. im sorry. i want to be a better friend. but i also never have spoons. a#and i also want to stay spoonless and cocooned on myself forever and never come out. and i hate that. i want to be a friend. i want to be#kind and giving and loving and generous in the ways you all have been with me. i want to hang out with people and send messages and be there#to lift people up and celebrate with them. but all i can muster is tapping like on social media and it’s horrific. i have gifts to make and#hello / checking in messages to reply to and roleplay starters to post and i just can’t do it right now and im scared i’ll never be able to#again. but it’s a self fulfilling prophecy. if i say i can’t do it then iwont. it’s not enougu to just be aware of it i have to act on it#and change it. but im exhausted and hurting right now and i have been for years and i need to heal first but what if this is healing.#idk. i rambled on that for much longer than i thought i would so nowim gonna say the second thing in a separate post. and it’ll be weird to#post about that in light of this and it’ll be weird to post this at all. but its been weighing on me so heavily today and i don’t want#anyone to think im ignoring them or not aware of being like this or whatever. and posting into the void is easier than telling individual#people to your faces even though i know it’s cowardly. im really truly sorry. i will try to get better once i have the strength to try.#actually yeah no not gonna say the second thing yet. it would be weird to say it now. this needs to sit a little first
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