#for i am Not Smart

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[brucespringsteendotcom]

"tomato is a fruit" people piss me off so bad. Yeah and. Lettuce is a leaf. Carrot is a root. Potato is a stem. Vegetable doesn't exist in nature we made that up. And aren't you glad🥬🥦🥒🥕🥔🥕🌽🍅🍆🫑🫛🍠🥑

#turning off reblogs because you are all so fucking stupid..........please google 'are potatoes roots' before you correct me 😭 #and stop trying to sound smart by explaining botanical vs culinary definitions to me. i know that. i am a scientist LOL

[aomaoe]

smile, doctor! 📸

#doctor who #timepetals #rose tyler #the doctor #tenrose #fanart #aimeeart #i got thinking the other day that rose tyler with a smart phone would be unstoppable in the selfie department #and this was just me doodling #and it got out of hand #but yes... hello... doctor who i am abck #if you knew me back in 2012 no you didnt

[bixels]

Just gonna have to wait and see, right? Just wait and see! Just gotta wait and see! Who knows, we'll just have to wait and see! It's anybody's guess, we'll just have to wait and see! The future is exciting, we just gotta wait and see!

#personal #my art #Fuck your fake ass 'i am very smart!' intellectualizing “observations” and open your god damn ears. #do something for fucks sake. it's sickening seeing videos of ai crap and seeing rows and rows of repliers using their one brain synapse #to type “wow! very exciting!” “haha this is kind of scary! but in a really interesting way!” #and then they go about their day without a second thought while creative industries burn around them #i go to one of america's top tech schools too and it's enough to make you wanna tear our your hair #every day it's seminars and talks about “the potential consequences of ai!” when the consequences are happening NOW #NO MORE DISCUSSING NO MORE INTELLECTUALIZING NO MORE SOCRATIC SEMINARS NO MORE DEBATING. ACT YOU COWARDS #people are getting hurt RIGHT NOW. stop pretending to care when you clearly don't! just be honest and say you wanna make money #my time here has really made me hate academic spaces. you people are so god damn useless and cowardly.

[nonasbirthday]

Clear as mud! But I expect nothing less from a Homestuck 🫡

#this is a fine and perfectly reasonable way to have ordered groups of nine relate to each other :) #this took me way too long to make and i know people are gonna come into my notes and tell me what i got wrong #which is fine lol there are many smart folks here #i am not budging on Anastasia being responsible for the 'reconstruction' step though. TWICE in GTN the Ninth is linked to reconstruction #and i think the fifth preserves the spirit (step 1). #perfunctory image id in alt text #the locked tomb #gideon the ninth #harrow the ninth #nona the ninth #the locked tomb spoilers #nonasbirthday #enumeration in the locked tomb

[beaft]

off of my last post: i feel like corporate horror has such a rich seam of possibilities that are just begging to be mined. the helpless, nightmarish feeling of watching your life get chewed up by the implacable machinery of faceless corporations in which you are nothing but an easily-replaceable cog and knowing the whole time that you chose to be here. that you can, theoretically, leave any time you want. mindless, pointless busywork that you're expected to take pride in even when it has no measurable impact. feeling like you're running on a treadmill - always busy, never achieving anything. upper managers who only communicate with you by email. CEOs who never communicate with you at all, and may not actually exist for all you know. you can leave any time you want. but you can't, can you? not really. you still have to pay the bills.

#maybe i need a new job #i am only 2 episodes into severance but i loveee the concept of 'even if you walk out you'll just come back again' #like the reason you can't leave is not just because there's a locked door in the way. you can't leave because you trapped yourself here #it's very smart! i like it

[just-spacetrash]

they should invent falling alseep that doesnt take 3 hours

#i am. strugling #my post #hAvE yOu TrIeD pUtTiNg YoUr pHoNe DoWn YES you dumb piece of shit. you stupid asshole obviously ive tried that #but it didnt work for 3 hrs so now im bacj here #sorry its just every time i ask falling alseep tips its that. like jfc man #like eeeeeeverybody thinks theyre so smart and smug and shit when they say it i just wanna sleeeepppp goddddd

[woolysstuff]

I AM SO NORMAL ABOUT HIM

Evil!Sun my beloved (Edit// This Evil!Sun is from TSAMS and is not an AU of mine guys)

Bonus doodle

#NO NO LISTEN #I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR AN EVIL SUN DIMENSION FOR SO LONG #AND YOU BET I SCREAMED WHEN I SAW YESTERDAYS UPLOAD #AND I FUCKING LOVE HIM SO MUCH YOU DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND #alright i'm calming down now #I am totally normal about him guys haha (lie) #I really like the fact that he was actually like #really smart #maybe even smarter than moon #and I love how he just #doesn't give a shit #at all #euuuugh #he <3 #/p #Honestly seemed more morally gray than evil if anything #and i feel like moon just kinda #started throwing insults at him #at random #like i'll be honest some of the things he called him didn't really make sense to me #but hey maybe that's just me #oh god this is getting kinda long uhm #wooly draws stuff #tsams #the sun and moon show #tsams spoilers #tsams sun #tsams evil sun #sundrop #wooly's stupid brainrot

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

there's just... there is no reason to make yet another cop show in this day and age. copaganda is not only bullshit, it is a failure of imagination.

you want to watch brooding characters with dark pasts investigate crimes in an official capacity? just use private detectives (cops have a miserable solve rate anyway). want eccentric geniuses & their sidekicks solving mysteries? i present you with armchair detectives & neighborhood busybodies. oh, you're craving a workplace comedy-drama starring overworked protagonists doing their heartfelt best to resolve community conflicts? social worker office sitcom! bitch this is ACHIEVABLE

#i lied the one reason to make a cop show is you want a mafia show and the cops are currently by far the most powerful u.s. mafia #BUT! i cannot emphasize enough: the police have none of the aesthetics or personality of the actual mafia so why even bother #The Sopranos but in an office setting with buzzing fluorescent lighting? and half your co-workers are weekend neo-nazis? come on #no. just no #from now on i want all tv cops to be villainous side characters #but BORING villainous side characters #i like villains as much as the next queer audience member but i cannot overstate the importance of portraying cops as not just bastards #but BORING bastards #they are so boring. they are boring and hateful and also neither particularly smart nor interesting #i need to emphasize: there is NOTHING to romanticize there #i am so passionate and supportive of anti-romanticizing cops. ANTI-ROMANTICIZE THE POLICE. #the police are BORING and HATEFUL and CRUEL and BASIC AS HELL #and we should be pointing that out publicly every chance we get #the police are BORING BASIC BITCHES and mocking them publically is a patriotic service

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

Is making a lot of incredibly shitty, possibly bad or outright horrifying mistakes actually a viable survival strategy in life? Maybe even a wise one?

#i am at least 50% smart

[ghouljams]

I just think that Ghost has a lot of complicated feelings around sex and sometimes he wants to feel taken care of. Sometimes he likes looking up at you bouncing on his cock, the light halo-ing you like the angel you are, your hands trailing over his chest, and your lips whispering sweet things to him. He's terrible to want such kindness, he doesn’t deserve it, but he still craves it. He still watches you and tries to find the words to ask you to praise him, to ask you to treat him like some precious thing.

It hurts so terribly when you praise him, hits him between the ribs, in some tender space that he can't bear to look at. It all aches, every soft touch of your care. That doesn't stop it from making him hard, or from knowing given the opportunity he would be the biggest pillow princess.

#ghoul speaks #i SAOD WHAT I SAID #AND I STAND BY THAT #simon ghost riley #simon ghost riley x reader #ghost x reader #x reader #cod x reader #ghost mw2 #“headboard hunk” thank you Vic ur so smart #how am i supposed to be normal about this

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Introvert adoption

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #wen ning #jiang cheng #(The actual name of this season 2 extra is 'First meeting with Wen Ning' but I ran out of space.) #I am obligated to try and wiggle in Wen Ning scenes whenever I can. Our baby boy needs his screentime to grow big and strong. #This whole scene is very good and does a lot to show us several important traits about wwx: #1) He has no hesitation to put his own face or life at risk to help someone (even if they have never met). #2) He does not care for what others say or think about him; he will do what he thinks is right. #And he is smart enough to think is is always right about his judgement. This will be a problem later. #I also think the silly energy in this scene is top notch. #Wen Ning is the wild chipmunk wwx managed to catch and wants to keep as a pet. #Jiang Cheng is gently easing this boy out of wwx's extrovert maw and saying 'put him back outside'. #Can you imagine being blindsided by the full force of wwx out of nowhere? Getting his support and then archery tips? #You're done. You've been caught in his snare and you aren't getting out.

[fellowfights]

I'm gonna be so honest with y'all. I don't take you seriously if you complain about the casting of the Percy Jackson show because the poc actors aren't "book accurate."

Because here's the deal. I remember when the internet threw a fit when Rue, a black character, was played by a black person. It didn't matter that it was book accurate, y'all didn't want to see a black person on screen.

For some of y'all, it's not that you are against adaptations straying from the source material- you are simply anti black.

If you are about to argue with me, I want you to ask yourself something. Did you not mind the race change of Grover, but you are against the casting of Annabeth? If that's true, maybe try to address that. Acknowledge it and try to deconstruct your anti-black biases.

#being black in fandom spaces is so tiring #i am utterly exhausted #yall complaining about how now annabeth wont have an arc of not being taken seriously is sending me #its TOTALLY not like black people aren't seen as smart or resourceful and constantly not being taken seriously #that would be RIDICULOUS #anyway im tired but i am enjoying the show so far #percy jackson and the olympians #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson #the hunger games

[bullagit]

due to personal reasons i am now firmly on team “i hope aziraphale does change heaven for the better actually (going on the assumption that his return is as straightforward as it seemed etc” 

like if the alternative is just this ohhh he’s so NAIVE and SOFT and so WRONG and he’ll have to LEARN A TOUGH LESSON etc etc nonsense then yeah 1000% go for it babe knock it out of the park

i hope choosing hope and kindness pays dividends. i hope the soft traits that made other characters continually disparage and underestimate him and his intelligence turn out to be his greatest assets bc i kinda don’t give a shit about a “toughen up it’s the only way everyone else knows better” life lesson for this character

(which like honestly a lot of the rhetoric is dismissive of the fact that persistent goodness in the face of an existence of disparagement takes great strength and that at the end of the day aziraphale has always been able to stand up in his own way)

#good omens #good omens 2 #good omens spoilers #aziraphale #aziraphale IS in fact a dark horse #he is consistently dismissed and underestimated and overlooked bc of how he presents himself! #even crowley does this with him (not in any sort of malicious way its a sense of protectiveness) #(i am not here to get into how aziraphale n crowley treat each other in ways that are unintentionally hurtful id be here forever lmao) #the point is that aziraphale is smart and tbh he knows more about how shitty heavens treatment has been the past few thousand year?? #since he's. he's been the one getting treated badly. that whole time. #anyway theyre both right theyre both wrong and end of the day i just. #i hate the concept of a s3 that equates softness and kindness with being wrong and naive and dumb etc #it does not feel very good omens to me idk man #so i hope that's not where it goes

[ryllen]

#lords here means those who have finished their homework; which is jack and sebek #twisted wonderland #twst #sebek zigvolt #ace trappola #twst yuu #twst mc #fanart #MATH SHOULDN'T BE THIS ROMANTIC #I was suddenly dropped with the news i need to do math 'BKSB' test near the future #and i was discussing math problems with my father because i am a stoopid adult growing out of my math now #and my father dropped this screenshot from insta short of a math account with simple to understand formula for fractions #AND I AM CRYING BCS WHY THERE'RE HEARTS IN THOSE #FHSDH i MEANT IT'S SMART #FOR IT TO BE EASY TO READ #AND EASY TO UNDERSTAND WITHOUT BOMBARDING MORE ARITHEMATIC SYMBOLS TO THE PICTURE #LIKE YES THIS NUMBER AND THIS NUMBER LOVE EACH OTHER THEY GOT MARRIED AND SO TOGETHER THEY BE--- WHAT NUMBER #FHSDH #anyhow if anybody knows do tell me if bksb test is hard or not #yuu is the type to finish their homework early but i guess the problem at nrc leave them too busy at times

[piaztri]

williams downright has the best marketing strategy of any team on the grid rn, like having accessible meet&greets, the tp giving his blunt insights on the team’s performance, and an almost-weekly podcast of their drivers just yapping away; it’s all an almost foolproof way of gaining fans outside of the track.

#being seen as ‘down to earth’ in a sport where people in it are everything but is hella smart imo #team torque and vowles verdict has to be the best things ever bestowed upon us #(kinda biased since i Am a williams fan) #alex albon #logan sargeant #james vowles #aa23 #ls2 #williams f1 #formula 1 #f1 #formula one #yap