#fitordie
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Chapter One: Buddha lives in a prison by Damara
Buddha lives in a prison, or at least that's the first thing that comes into my mind when the sunlight strikes me after a couple of days inside the white, sturdy but soft cell. I'm watching the fishes in the tank swim around instead of paying attention to my therapist. I don't like therapists, I want to say it's nothing personal but I would be lying. There's so much light in this room it's about to give me a migraine. But I keep my composure, getting myself ready for this round. I hate them. All of them.
"So, Damara. You seem more calm today." Ah, playing safe. Got it. I nod, trying my best to seem disinterested. It's harder than one would like to think, especially when you love to piss them off like I do. My disinterest doesn't seem to bother this one. I'll get there, don't worry. I promise silently.
Contrary to the popular opinion, and by popular I mean everyone but me. I'm not insane. I'm not sick, and I'm not a monster. My parents put me here because I was an inconvenience for them. I still remember the frightening smile he gave me when my mom was reaching for the phone. I hope they're happy. Surely they must be, without me on the way. I just wish I had somewhere to go instead of going back to that, circus. My breath quickens as I try to gasp for air and the therapist reaches for me but I stumble backwards, out of her reach. My head turns to the tank again, it's relaxing. People say the golden fish is one of the eight sacred symbols of Buddha. There's even a legend talking about these golden fish being born through the tears that fell into the ocean floor, by a girl living in a big palace.
I never understood why, until now.
"I'm... fine." I croak. Sometimes it's better keeping myself to the old patterns as much as that hurts. They knew what they were doing when they put me here.
"You can tell the truth here, you know?" Her voice is soft but it makes me feel nauseous. I hate the fake sweetness and the condescending tone in her voice. I feel ready to destroy her. With a plastic and very rehearsed smile through my teeth I blink pretending to be confused. "Tell me the truth, how do you feel? Be honest with yourself."
Yeah, the truth is something no one wants to hear. At least I learned that much.
"I'm fine." I repeat. This time is easier. I barely remember when I started lying like that. I do remember my mom being so proud that I lied to my first psychologist. She asked me though, and now she keeps talking about it from time to time. Like it was something to actually be proud of. Helen, that's her name, shakes her head, seems disappointed. You and me both. I think. But at least my memories are somewhat intact. For now. "When I'll be out?"
"I'd like to keep you a bit more but I don't think you want that, do you? Your parents seem eager to have you back too." She says and leans towards the table looking through her notes. My chest starts feeling tight again. I want to be out but I don't want to see them. Like, ever. I wonder if he'll ever stop controlling my life. "Saturday will be. I need you to come from time to time to check out how everything is going for you and you still need to take your meds. Plus therapy. It's not optional."
I nod, semi absent. This therapist is one of the few that haven't break into tears with me or threatened me to kill me. Yet. Then again, I'll be out in a few days and back again as soon as I stop being useful for them. Either way I think most of them are relieved to see me off.
Saturday comes faster than a blink and I'm standing in the hall of the asylum with all my stuff, waiting for their arrival. I'm nervous. I don't know how my brother will behave with me. Last time I saw him he was happily closing the door of the car. I wonder who'll come for me. I've been here for years....
A blue car stops at the front gate and a slender woman with a coral blouse and black pants steps out of the car, smiling. The relief that goes through my body is insane and I feel betrayed by my own mind and body. How can I keep feeling she'll protect me after everything she did? How can I keep trusting her? Sometimes I wish my name would mean I am meaningless. I would be lost in time.
I'm afraid of having a nervous breakdown so I keep myself quiet and still. My stomach is hurting like hell, there's a ball of I-don't-want-to-know-what on my throat and my eyes are hurting. I'm not crazy though. I never was. I wish I was. But your parents fighting over and over again till they drive you mad it's not the definition of crazy. You're just tired, scared and hungry. No, I'm not hungry... at least not right now. I need to find a place to throw up and sit because my head is spinning.
"Your dad really missed you, he wants you to be home already." Her sweet voice is intoxicating. And I'm about to cry, but I swallow for air. I'll think about that later. I need to reach my cellphone before crashing down again. So I smile.
"That's awesome mom." I say as happily as I can. It's not working for me, but my mom is blind and deaf to all my pain cause she smiles even wider, reaches for my bags and goes straight to the car.
"I'm so glad! Things are going to be better from now on." She says. "How you've been sweetie?"
...
"Fine mom. I'm peachy as always."
Fuck... I need air.
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Notes: THIS is a work in progress, like the original chapter is supposed to be much longer. But to be honest I'm struggling a bit too much with it because it's not my usual genre (fantasy is my usual genre and this is a non fantasy, dystopian story.) But I wanted to see how people would react to it, so I can keep going... cause I'm really stuck and I might need an opinion or someone to cheer me up. IDK sorry... I'm so not sure of what I'm doing with this. So if you liked it please let me know. Also, please do not copy it. Thanks!
And thanks for reading this story<3
#annabourbon#danteann#faithdante#writer issues#writers on tumblr#my writing#writeblr#female writers#indie writer#writers#writers write#lol#dystopia#dystopian#fitordie#fit or die story#fit or die story chapter one#chapter one
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Nice theory, Freddie, but maybe narrow it to the Übermenschen? #fitordie #fitnessforthesenile #diveGUE #blackrussianterrier (at West End YMCA) https://www.instagram.com/p/CR10h5fnREZ/?utm_medium=tumblr
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jai jaiboom One day i will look back on this all as nothing but a memory, a rush of excitement and adrenaline that will seem so long ago. Days full of blood and sweat and glory and I will be thankful. I will be grateful. For the lessons it has taught me and the strength it has given me, for humbling me and teaching me perseverance and patience. For honing my skills and making me sharp, but also for teaching me value- the value of hard work, the value of time and the value of family and friends and loved ones. I will have given so much of my life to a cause that i have committed myself to with passion and dedication-buti will still walk away, not because I can not continue, but because i know i am capable of a life full of so much more.
IYAOYAS
#passionstainedhands #daringtodream #lionsandwolves #befearless #readyforthenextone #CarpeDiem #dyingtolive #aspiretogreatness #bossassbitches #militarywoman #forwardfocus #fitordie #likeaboss #slay #livelikeawarrior #diealegend #neversatisfied #amazons #teamnosleep #shieldmaidens #dopemilitary #girlswholift #DBAB #goingforglory #staysavage #jackedandtan #neversurrender #bossladyshit #dieliving #alphasasfuck
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6 am stair stepper 40 mins get free r or die # #steelegramfamily #fitordie #physiquetransformations (at Workout Anytime Aiken)
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The Perfect <b>Gym</b> Playlist
The first official edition of the (Get) FitOrDie (Trying) Gym playlist includes artists like Stunna 4 Vegas, Mac Miller, Travis Scott and DaBabby.
from Google Alert - gym https://ift.tt/3817Vop
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😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂I'm good it don't bother me like before! #physiquegoals #discipline #focused #eattolive #fuckthat #fitordie #imfocused #thisyearornothing (at New York, Brooklyn)
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Title: Fit or Die
Author: Faith Dante (cause I refuse to change my pen name)
Summary:
Pretty privilege is all about surviving. Surviving trends, scales and knives. They say is to be pretty. To fit. They're lying. You have to sell your soul. Or die.
⚠️⚠️⚠️Trigger Warning ⚠️⚠️⚠️
The following story may have some disturbing scenes and content that may not be suitable for sensitive persons or younger audience. Content that goes from violent language, dissonant words, graphic descriptions of violence, rape, child abuse, abusive relationships, hallucinations, depression, anxiety episodes, use of drugs, discrimination of several minority groups, suicide glorification, pretty privilege glorification, ED's glorification, white privilege glorification, depression glorification, etc. If you feel this can trigger you in any way, I seriously advice you to stop reading. I will not get mad at you for doing it so. I also want to say that I'm not glorifying any of the previous behaviors mentioned or displayed here on the book. Those behaviors are not and must not be acceptable, ever.
It is however in the psychology of some of my characters. I am not sugarcoating anything. This may trigger something on the viewer hence why discretion is HIGHLY ADVISED. And I personally encourage you to seek for professional help if you or someone you know, needs it.
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter....
#annabourbon#faithdante#writer#writers on tumblr#my writing#fitordie#pretty privilege#pretty#privilege#triggering content#potentially triggering#tw triggers#may be triggering#emotional triggers
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Putting that Home Work In! Music by: Stetsasonic Go Stetsa #myhomegym ##kaptainko @kaptain_ko #fitnessmotivation #brooklyndude #getthatwork #noexcuses #boutit #physiquegoals #snowedinworkout #fitordie #makeitwork #itdontstop #kingkunta #healthiswealth #run #lift #calisthenics #gobrooklyn #blackmenrunnyc #cardio #ezbarcurls #pushups #coreworkout (at Brooklyn, New York)
#healthiswealth#fitnessmotivation#fitordie#physiquegoals#cardio#calisthenics#getthatwork#pushups#kaptainko#myhomegym#makeitwork#coreworkout#run#boutit#itdontstop#lift#gobrooklyn#kingkunta#ezbarcurls#blackmenrunnyc#brooklyndude#noexcuses#snowedinworkout
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#Fatloss #girlswithmuscle #rockthatbikini #jacked #fitordie #fitasfuk #summer #love
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Hell Yes my woman lifts weights. #womanliftto #wcw #shelifts #hateonit #tricep #tricepbench #fitordie #iloveher
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#Repost @bodybuilding_humour ・・・ . I KNOW THAT FEELING TOO WELL 😔😔😔 . #workout #bodybuilding #gym #gymrat #gymlife #crossfit #strong #motivation #instalike #powerlifting #Quote #quotes #gymhumor #deadlift #squat #bench #love #funny #joke #legday #instagood #fitspo #motivation #girlswholift #fitchick #fitlife #fithumor #fitordie
#motivation#love#gymhumor#instalike#fitordie#quotes#bodybuilding#fitchick#funny#fithumor#squat#crossfit#quote#bench#fitlife#gymrat#gym#fitspo#workout#strong#girlswholift#gymlife#joke#deadlift#instagood#legday#powerlifting#repost
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Had to pray to the gods of fitness just to get through the last 10 min of this back workout. Finished strong with another 35 min of biceps and now resting up for 6 o'clock leg intervals. ㏘💪✔ #veganfitness #fitness #workout #gohardorgohome #fitordie TEAM FLX @mr_wakeurassupand_lift @jarrett.r.davis
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Love this! #Fatloss #girlswithmuscle #rockthatbikini #jacked #fitordie #fitasfuk #summer #love
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