#finally worked up the courage to post the game + use my banner

[uncertified-selfship]

proselfshippers!! reblog with your f/o (and preferrably a little bit about them) and i'll assign them an item from it.em asy.lum!!! (i'll include a link to + photos from the wiki)

2024-5-5 edit: closing this now, thank u to everyone who participated!! i don't have the energy to keep doing this, i'm so sorry to the people who haven't gotten any

#🫀.txt #finally worked up the courage to post the game + use my banner #ik the banner is kind of edgy but selfshipping is personal to me + i hold this community pretty close to my heart #proship selfship #proselfship #selfproship #proselfshipping #selfship proship

[cagedchoices]

GET TO KNOW THE AUTHOR.

name:  mel 

pronouns:  they/them/theirs

preference of communication:  mainly tumblr IMs these days, but i have discord and wire and occasionally i will drop my info on tumblr, give it out privately if asked, or add if someone else is looking to add. it can take me a while to work up the courage to message someone in the first place and i'm really... not good at the usual social cues of "hey how are you/good how are you?/what have you been up to?" but i'm usually game to chat about other stuff

most active muse:  Caleb. i've had a lot of other muses but he's been the one i've been most consistently able to write in the slightly over 3 years since i first started writing him.

experience/how many years:  i had a couple false starts trying to set up rp blogs for Samwise Gamgee from the Lord of the Rings trilogy and Wirt from Over the Garden Wall back in 2014 and 2015? but i just never really managed to get off the ground and start writing in-character for them because i was super heavily intimidated by the rpc and too nervous to approach anyone. finally in january 2017 i stumbled across a parody of Portal 2 on youtube called the Unauthorized Musical and discovered that there were already a handful of muns on tumblr who had picked up characters specifically based on that production and regularly hosted rabbit streams where they'd watch the video again together and welcomed anyone who wanted to join to do so. i noticed nobody was really writing any antagonistic characters against them so i wound up setting up a blog for GLaDOS and following everybody i met during the stream and that was essentially how i became hooked on tumblr rp. i've been kicking around on and off for about 7 years now.

best experience: there's so many to choose from, but i think i'd have to say my best experience was when i started writing Caleb. i was just fresh off watching Westworld season 3, i was actually feeling more compelled at the time to try and write either Dolores, Maeve, Clementine or Teddy but i felt like i wouldn't do any of 'em justice. i ended up making a sideblog to my old multimuse after deciding i would try writing Caleb, and that's where i almost immediately connected with melody/aworldofyou/copiesofme and was enthusiastically introduced to a bunch of other muns residing in the tiny but mighty westworld rpc. 🥰

rp pet peeves: one is pretty much the same as Sandra said; making a new main blog in the spur of the moment. exhausting all energy on curating a distinct aesthetic for icons/banners/promos/custom themes/etc, and then completely losing interest in a week or 2 without ever getting to write that character. and then more often than not the process gets repeated down the line until that person either becomes overwhelmed from having too many blogs to manage or too many memes to answer or too many starters to write.

i also don't particularly love memes that promote making rp into a popularity contest or seeking an almost constant stream of validation from other people. things like "send a _ and i'll rate your blog on a scale of 1 to 10/using a scale template" i try to stay far away from. arguably every notification you get on tumblr is an instant dopamine hit just like all social media is but. idk there was just something about those blog rating/character rating memes that made them feel more addictive to send and receive than like, taking the time to give someone your honest opinion on how you feel about them as a person or on their writing and characters and such.

another similar thing is reblog chains to the effect of 'reblog this if you actually like following me/seeing me on the dash.' i really don't like these. there's a level of self-deprecation and guilt-tripping involved and when people already feel awfully low and vulnerable to negative self image this just makes it worse. especially when people post with side commentary like 'oh nobody will reblog this from me lol.' and i don't think they're always necessarily aware that this is manipulative behavior, but...it is. even just the way the source post is typically phrased, it preys on insecurity and it makes me sad when i do see mutuals reblogging posts written like this because then i'm like. just sitting there thinking "i'm not a spambot so...if i didn't like following you or seeing you on my dash i would not be following you??"

other forms of reblog chains like 'reblog to give the person you're reblogging from a hug' or 'reblog this and say something nice about the person you reblogged from' are far better in my opinion because they don't inherently contain that same level of insecurity. they put the focus on lifting up and supporting the person you're reblogging from instead of centering on yourself.

plots or memes: i like both but i am very much a memes person because i feel like i'm not very good at plotting.

long or short replies: i don't really have a preference! but lately my thing generally seems to be letting the length creep up so my replies just get longer and longer over time. i never expect anyone to match me, but like. the one thing that would crush my soul is me posting like. 5-7 paragraphs and getting back a one sentence or one word response 😭

are you like your muses: i have a few things in common with caleb, one of them being that we're both neurodivergent and just trying to exist in a society where it is typically seen as undesirable to be classed as such. i stumbled across a venn diagram a while back comparing and contrasting common traits associated with ptsd and autism and it has given me a lot to take into consideration in the way that i portray caleb

tagged by: @k4ndall

tagging: @gunslingcr @paddyfuck @weirdwonderful @killjoysanonymous @prettydead & you (not labeled)

#i'm an underachiever — out. #dash games. #in which getting to know me means getting to know...that i ramble a lot

[acetarisborn]

Happy (delayed) international asexuality day!!!

I haven't written (and posted) in a while and one of my most popular posts is the one about me simping for Asmo from Obey Me while being ace so... what better day to post this than yesterday!! But I fell asleep so now...

The brothers falling in love with an asexual MC

This is my first time writing one of these so it may end up feeling more like fanfiction than headcacons lol.

Asmo

The second you saw this gorgeous charming man it was love at first sight, and he felt the same way

Although you might have felt a little intimidated when you found out he's the avatar of lust. You might even think you have no chance!

But oh boy are you wrong

This man adores every aspect of you. From your gorgeous body to your breath-taking personality and he knows you love him as well.

The surprise in his eyes when he finds out you don't like him only for his looks is priceless

He can't help but blush brightly every time you give him the slightest of compliments, which sometimes turn into ankward laughs if he adds a sexual advance at the end

You try everything to let him know without telling him. Wear the ring, make several ace jokes and even wear the damn flag pattern on your clothes, to a point that the entirety of RAD but Asmo knows you're ace

But to be fair he might not even know what asexual means

He lets you know his feelings in a BIG way, something very intricate and romantic like a huge banner with help of the bros or plans a situation where you two end up dating

When you tell him you're asexual he's shocked to say the least

Not all humans enjoy sex?! Truly the newest concept he's ever heard

He does get sad at first, realizing he won't be able to experience that pleasure he's been fantazising about, but once he thinks about how out of all the beings in the Devildom you fell in love with the demon of Lust himself he bursts in laughter

He stops abruptly once he realizes why you look scared or sad because of his laugh and explains himself immediatley

If you tell him you understand if he doesn't want you he turns serious and grabs your hand

"Mc, you are the most gorgeous, kind-hearted and amazing person I've ever met, I didn't fell in love with how you are in bed or anything about sex! I fell in love with everything that makes you, you. I would never leave you over something so... so ridiculous! No matter how much I enjoy it!"

Once you guys start dating he showers you with gifts and fancy stuff (mostly skincare products)

He starts being super cautious about what he does or says, but eventually loosens up after the thounsand time you told him to do so

He also loves kissing you all over your face (if it's okay with you). On the lips, nose, cheeks or your forehead

All because he wants to remind you every day how precious you are in his eyes and that he loves you no matter what

Beel

You can't tell me you guys didn't fell in love that time you shared a room, you knew at the spot but this certified himbo is very oblivious

"Im hung-" He never gets to finish this sentence again because you always have a snack or food to offer him

Of course this is what starts his liking to you.

He doesn't realizes at first but it's the little things like what draws him in

He always wants to seat next to you at lunch and just talk for hours, he blushes at the sight of your smile or his eyes light up every time he sees you walk by

He begs you to cook for him no matter how many times you already do or say you're terrible. If you make him a bento this will make his whole week

Once he realizes his feelings he plans to tell you, not knowing you were planning on telling him you're ace and doing the same

"That's cool but um...whats an ace?"

Once you explain it to him he's a little surprised but nothing too extreme, he understands and didn't paid mind to sex anyway, he's happy he got to know beforehand.

"Oh, that sounds like you, good to know, specially now, because..."

He stops hiding a big box of chocolates and opens it, the chocolates spelling "Will you be my partner?"

If you ask him if he's okay he nods almost agressively, which ends up in you tackling him in a hug

Once you start dating he's ready to provide bear hugs and cuddles, he's the cuddliest demon in the Devildom

"Hey, I found this food/thing with the ace flag colors, thought you might like it"

He asks you to help him cook whenever he's hungry. Doesn't matter if it's the greatest culinary piece ever or an absolute disaster, he's happy he gets to spend time with you.

Levi

Okay but that overflowing PASSION when he rambles on about TSL, that fire in his eyes, *chef kiss* you can't help but stare dreamily at him

"watcha looking at normie?" He asks while blushing madly at the way you kept looking at him

The first time he finally accepted he's in love is when you dragged him to your room to watch a new anime, he realized you were a total weeb just like him (And I know you are because why else would you be here?)

Since then you have anime nights at least once a month with all the snacks you can get in your bed or couch

He obviously loves playing any kind of videogame with you, he doesn't like some of the ones you do but plays them anyways just to see you celebrate once you've won

Dragging you to conventions is a given, he spends weeks making you the perfect couples cosplay, staying all night muttering about how yours needs to be perfect

Since most of his brothers don't care/like or are too busy for his ramblings about a new game or anime he goes to your room very often. He's happy you're always there for him.

But IS HE JEALOUS

If he sees anyone flirting with you in the slightest of ways he'll go into overprotective mode. In a bad day this means as much as asking you for a pencil in class

We all know he puts you in a bit too high of a pedestal compared to him, but it's because he loves you and tries his best to gain confidence once you tell him how wonderful he is.

"They're so cool Henry! They are so nice to me and so pretty. I don't deserve them but do I want to try!!"

Since he's too shy and introverted none of you have asked the other out yet, but you decide to trust him and come out to him first.

"Oh yeah, I know plenty of asexual characters, I know what it is. That's great! You have my whole support!" This one takes you off guard

He talks about how he kinda suspected it but never said a word in fear that it could offend you.

This was enough for you to jump in and tell him your feelings.

To say he's blushing is an understatement. His whole body is red

"I like you to...But a-are you sure? You're just so pretty an- and amazing and I-I'm just a yucky otaku... Not that all otakus are yucky! You're not! Oh crap, I'm so sorry."

You snap him out of his rambling with a hug or a kiss, telling him how much you love him no matter how he belittles himself, because he's already perfect.

He tackles you in a hug out of excitement and says he loves you too

He has no problem with sex at all once your relationship starts, he wasn't having any to begin with and never thought of the idea of you guys doing it, so it's pretty much the same.

He tries his best to make bentos for you or use any romantic tecnique he has ever seen in romance animes

Instead of overprotective mode he now brags about his amazing partner to everyone he can.

"Mc, we should cosplay these characters! This one's ace!"

He'll do anything for you to feel safe and welcome in his arms no matter your sexuality.

Satan

This lovable bookworm fell in love later than anyone (except Belphegor) did, in the train murder mystery.

At first he thought it was mere admiration, but then why was his heart beating so fast?

Don't get me wrong, he's outraged. He hates that he's not paying attention to class to write poems, being distracted from his books because his mind wonders off thinking of you, and he despises that every time you bring him a cup of tea or flash a smile his face turns bright red in front of his brothers.

Eventually he has no choice but to ask Asmo and he is overjoyed. He offers himself as a wingman many times and Satan declines every single one

He doesn't tell you about this willingly, Asmo creates some devious situation where he ends up needing to confess his feelings.

He has never felt so relieved that the time you said you liked him too

He finally shows you some of his poetry (at least the less cringey ones) all of them talking about your outer and inner beauty in a way that almost moves you to tears

Everyone is surprised by how frequently one of the scariest demons out there lets himself get hugged by you at any given time, even if he's busy he always has time for you.

Also cats. Plushies, bags, clothes, anything with a cat on it you gift it to eachother

You eventually gather courage, enter his room and talk to him, thinking that maybe him being so distracted reading would soften the news

But he just nods mindlessly

"Satan? Did you hear me? I'm asexual" You take his book annoyed but the answer leaves you in shock

"Yeah, I know! can I go back to my book now?"

Turns out you were being painfully obvious and Satan is too smart not to notice.

"So... you're okay with it?"

"What in the world made you think I wasn't?"

He closes his book and you two have a long talk about how he accepts you and loves you for who you are over some tea

Mammon

He has always been in love with you as you have with him, what else is there to say?

Mammon melts at the slightest of touches and compassion you show him

He's so happy every time he's with you because you actually treat him like his brothers should

He loves them but they aren't the kindest towards him, so there's nothing better than hearing from you how much he's worth

He repeatedly asks you for money or pulls out some pranks but suddenly stops. How weird? Could it be that he feels bad for making you feel any kind of sad?

You have to stop him from saying he's your first several times, thankfully it eventually works

He tells you how great you are in a way he isn't directly telling you? But you can just know

"Hey, hu-I mean Mc! You're...the less annoying person in this place...Thanks for that" Yes, that was him trying to compliment you

As your bond becomes stronger he starts to loosen up to you. Leaving you gifts or flowers at your door with a smile on his face.

"Lucifer took my dear goldie for a week because of this but ya know... it's worth it."

When you actually accepted to go to the biggest casino in the Devildom he considered it as your first date.

You spend the hole night seeing him win and loose money, even pulling you in to have fun as well

You two take a break exhausted at a fountain. Mammon sees his chance and goes in slowly for a kiss

"Wait, Mammon. If we're actually going to...date, there's something you have to know."

"You're the most outstanding human, what the hell, the most outstanding being in the three worlds I've ever met in my eternity, Mc! What makes you think I'd leave someone as breathtaking as you over wether or not you wanna have sex?!"

"For some people it's a big dealbreaker..."

"Well, not for the Great Mammon! Only an idiot would let you go because of your sexuality. And no matter what they all say, I'm no idiot"

You end the night holding hands and going back to the House of Lamentation, ready to start this beautiful romance.

Lucifer

Ok. First things first. Everyone can agree Lucifer is (or seems) even hornier than Asmo, so this is gonna get...complicated. But we'll get into that

He sure seems the least likely to actually show the vulnerability of being in love, but gosh did you made your way into his heart

It was a long and diffecult journey to get him to like you, but he eventually got a liking to you the more you guys spent time together

You were able to make him loosen up as well.

Dragging him to anywhere you loved instead of being sat down with mountains of paperwork

Always waking him up after he fell asleep in his desk with a blanket, a hot cocoa (Coffee if the work needs to be done by the next day) and even a kiss on the cheek if he's lucky

By the time the whole Belphie situation was defused he was finally able to show his true intentions

He's a fairly elegant person, so when he tries to make an advance, he does it with style

This means all kinds of fancy places once he's off from work with the most romantic of views. Every day you feel like being swept over by a true gentleman

I'm pretty sure he'd have you as his partner by now, maybe he never officially asked but you both imply you're a couple at this point.

But as I said it, he has his whole...punishing thing......

It's exactly because he starts crossing the line with one if these why you just had to stop him and tell the truth

He gets shocked and slowly start fitting the puzzle pieces in place

"Well, this is unexpected. Wait. Have I... made you feel uncomfortable around me all this time?"

Once you nod he falls in his bed ashamed

"My deepest apologies, my love. I truly hope you forgive my reckless words. I must know, are you not feeling safe in this relationship?"

You explain how wrong that asumption is, telling him how every day with him is incredible, but showed your discomfort at some of the things he says

He was relieved he hadn't crossed the line yet and was never going to let himself cross it.

"I am so glad you shared this information with me, I promise to make this relationship the most romantic experience of your life"

He stays up all night researching everything ablout being ace, he gives you gifts related to this, finds out your love language and does what it is every day, he does every romantic thing you can think of and he even asks you to go to a pride in the human world!

He's willing to do all he can in order for you to feel loved in any way you want

Belphegor

Well, he did tried to kill you, so I'm pretty sure his betrayal hurt if you helped him for love

He knows you're at least a little scared of him and he knows he needs to apologize, but never finds the time because you always seem wary of him

He tries by leaving a note in your desk that says "I'm so sorry for what I did. Thank you for bringing our family back together"

This is the first smile he gets out of you as you look at him

This escalates to him passing notes whenever he's not asleep. In class, the table at dinner, outside while hanging out with you and Beel, anywhere. This happens so often you end up always having a pen in hand to answer.

It goes until one of you decides to speak, you start talking and become best friends in no time

Although Belphie seems too possesive for his feelings to be just friendship

Honey, if you thought Levi was bad he's nothing compared to Belphie

He uses every excuse to get you away from anyone that possibly flirts with you. It's either that or his death glare burning them for several minutes until they run or apologize

He always wants to be with you, even if he's sleeping he feels the lack of your prescence

This is why he always tries to convince you to take naps with him, snuggling with you is the best part of his day

If you're more of a night owl he'll do his best to stay awake and look at the stars with you in the planetarium. Sometimes falling asleep in your shoulders "on accident" wink wink

He mumbled about you in his sleep and that's how you found out and ended up dating

The relationship is pretty much the same with more kisses and hand holding, along with him convincing you to skip class sometimes just to sleep

Also plushies, a lot of them, all of them

You decide to tell him one day while snuggling beneath the stars. Being sure enough that he'll understand, although the nerves are still there

"Okay... so?"

You express your worries and he stands up looking almost menacingly but his words killed the scary mood

"Are you dumb? How did you think someone like me would even worry about that?"

"I'm not Asmo, beds are for sleeping. Come on, lets steal that cake Lucifer saved in the fridge, I heard it's sort of an inside joke between us."

After this he keeps asking you about the whole asexual spectrum, thinking he might be part of it. He's shows true interest at every question you answer and tries to use this new information for future dates.

All and all it's very relaxing to date someone like him, who surprisingly has a very loving and understanding heart behind what people are used to see.

#asexual #obey me leviathan #obey me beelzebub #obey me satan #obey me mammon #obey me lucifer #obey me belphegor #asexual mc #obey me #international asexuality day #obey me shall we date #obey me asmodeus #ace pride #ace

[taleasnewastime]

Flatmates | Part 2

Summary: You need to find a spare room after deciding to move out of your flat that you share with your best friend and her boyfriend. Stumbling upon an advert for a room that seems almost too good to be true, you decide for once to not over think and go for it. But who is the mystery flatmate you are now living with that you hardly see?

Pairing: Hoseok/Reader

Genre: Fluff, angst, slight smut

Word count: 16.9k

Part 1

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol consumption (though just for fun).

Authors Note: So this is part 2 and the final part of this story. There’s a bit of everything in this, fluff, smut and angst. I hope you enjoy :) 

The conversation you had accidentally overheard plagued your mind over the following days. Thoughts on what the conversation could have been about littered your mind. Most of them negative.  

As promised, Hoseok had a few days off work, so although you still had to go to work, you saw him in the evenings. The two of you hanging out almost as if you were normal flatmates. You grew to know him more than you had before and you grew to like him. He seemed like a normal person rather than the rich man that you had painted him to be in your mind. But as much as you tried to forget it, the conversation between Hoseok and Jimin wouldn’t leave your mind and you wondered every time you spoke to him whether that was when he was going to bring it up and whether that was the right time he was referring to.

The few days that Hoseok has off go by too quickly and before you know it you are back alone in the flat. You would never admit it to anyone, but you missed the mans presence around the flat. You missed coming home to see him lounging on the sofa. You missed eating your tea with him. You missed watching TV with him, even if the two of you didn’t talk. It felt like you had a normal living arrangement and you would go as far as calling him a friend now. 

The first day that you came home knowing that Hoseok wouldn’t be home you felt your mood dampen. But then you noticed the distinctive colour of a post-it note on the side. Your heart initially drops at the sight, realising that this was now how you would have to communicate. Just as quickly as your heart drops, it lifts back up in excitement, because any communication with him was good. Dropping your bag by the door you go and pick up the note, reading it.

Maybe Yoongi was right. Text me whenever, about whatever.  

Followed by a series of numbers that you assume is his number. Your first emotion was shock, not expecting a note was one thing, Hoseok giving you his number was another thing. Your second emotion was a slight panic. Sure you had grown closer to Hoseok over the past few days, but you still felt weird about texting him. What should you message him? You had initially wanted him to give you his number first, but now that had happened, you realise the ball was in your court to message him, and what the hell were you supposed to say. You spent that night debating over a text, and in the end you had just opted for a simple.  

Hi, it’s Y/N. Now you have my number too :)

You had slightly cringed at the message, but all other options you thought of were just as awkward. Trying to take Lilys constant advice, you ended up not over thinking it too much and just send the message.  

From there your conversations moved from post-it note, to in person conversation to finally text messages. Like Yoongi had joked, you had moved into the 21st Century and though messages weren’t that frequent, they were more frequent than the notes you used to leave. You were able to ask him if he would want food that night, ask him how his days were going, joke with him about things you found around the flat. Again it didn’t feel like a conventional flatmate relationship, but it was a definite improvement.  

After a few weeks of almost constant texting and seeing Hoseok once here and there around the flat you got a message from Jimin.  

Hey it’s Jimin. Hobis birthday is next weekend and we’re throwing him a surprise birthday. I was hoping you would do us the biggest favour in letting us host at the flat and helping us keeping it a surprise? Please could you let me know ASAP? Look forward to seeing you, hopefully you don’t pass out before all the fun this time x

A smile comes to your face as you read the message. You hardly knew Jimin yet you liked the fact he was messaging you as if you were friends. The message was a bit of a surprise, though, as you had no idea that it was Hoseoks birthday. You had a week to try and figure out what the hell you were going to buy him. You reply to Jimin.  

Y/N: All good with me. Let me know how I can help out, decorations, snacks, entertainment etc. I won’t drink any of your cocktails this week and I should be fine.

Jimin: Thank you so much, I was going to bribe you with alcohol but sounds like that won’t be necessary. I’ll get everything sorted and keep you posted on the plans. You’ll get to meet the rest of the gang too, they can’t wait to meet you x  

You hadn’t really thought about the fact that you would be meeting all of Hoseoks friends until Jimin mentions it. A room full of people that all probably knew everyone, and then you. Nerves at the thought of the party start to build. But you busy yourself with ideas at presents and trying to help Jimin to organise different aspects of the party.  

The weekend rolls around in no time, birthday balloons and banners appear around the flat. As promised Jimin and Jin turned up early to help decorate. They told you that Hoseok had been asked to help do something at work as a distraction, meaning he would be home late and it would leave enough time for you all to set up and people to turn up before him. Having never met Jin before it didn’t take long for you to feel like you had known him forever, he was the sort of person who you could easily talk to and feel at home with.  

As the three of you set up for the party, more people slowly started to turn up. Taehyung and Yoongi turned up near the start, and you were happy there were some familiar faces. Namjoon and Jungkook also turned up early and were introduced as close friends of Hoseok. They all seemed a close-knit group, but they involved you in everything they did and discussed and made you feel at home around them. They seemed like a nice bunch and you could see why Hoseok was friends with them.  

When you had all transformed the flat so that it was ready for a party, more people started to turn up. Liv was the only person you had met before and you felt a bit anxious at the room full of people that clearly knew each other well and you knew none of them. You hardly even knew the person who the party was for, and you wished you had asked if you could have at least invited Lily, then you wouldn’t have felt so alone. Even with these doubts in your mind though, Hoseoks friends involved you in their conversations, explaining stories when necessary, asking questions about you. In the end it didn’t feel so bad.  

Before the party you had decided you didn’t want to get as drunk as the last time you had met Hosoeks friends, taking the words in Jimins text seriously. However with the build-up of nerves you did end up with a drink in your hand before Hoseok had even turned up to the party, deciding that the alcohol would give you some liquid courage.  

At the expected time Jimin told everyone that Hoseok was heading up to the flat and that everyone should hide. Looking around a bit lost as to where to go, Jungkook grabs your arm and pulls you over to a spot behind the door, and you smile up at him in thanks.  

“Thanks for letting us steal the flat for this,” he whispers into your ear as the lights go out.  

“It’s Hoseoks flat. I should be thanking you guys for letting me join,” you say.  

His face scrunches in confusion, causing a few wrinkles to appear on his nose, and his eyebrows to be pulled closer together.  

“But you pay to live here, so it’s as much your flat as his,” he argues. “And of course you had to be here. Hobi talks about you all the time so I think he would kick off if he found out you weren’t allowed to stay.”  

Now it was your turn to show confusion. Memories come back to you of Jimin saying that Hoseok had spoken about you, which had surprised you at the time, but you had assumed he had just mentioned that you were living with him. Before you can argue your point more or ask what Hoseok had said about you, Jungkook taps you on the shoulder pointing at the front door which a lock can be heard twisting in. Seconds later the door opens to reveal an unsuspecting Hoseok.  

As he turns the lights on everyone jumps out of their hiding spot shouting “happy birthday” to him. Hoseok nearly runs back out the door in shock, his legs move fast on the spot, his knees going so high they almost hit his chest as a small yelp leaves his lips. You can’t help but laugh along with everyone at the scene, the man obviously spooked at the surprise.  

“At least we know he hadn’t figured out we were doing this,” you continue to laugh, looking over at Jungkook.  

“We would have blamed you if he wasn’t surprised,” he says and you look offended at him. “What? You live with him, you could have left something lying around that would have given it away.”

“He’s at work more than he’s here. If anyone was going to ruin it, it would be someone there,” you defend yourself, even though you had nothing to defend.

He simply rolls his eyes at you, smile on his face as he shakes his head as if to say you are wrong. “I can promise you, none of us would have given the game away,” he says, and you note that he also works with Hoseok, does everyone in this room work with him? Are they all just as rich?

“Well, I can promise you that I would also not have given the game away,” you shoot back.  

“I can see you two are getting on,” Hoseok interrupts. “Why are you even arguing over this? I didn’t find out so you are both good at keep secrets.”

“But I’m better though, right?” Jungkook says and you can’t help but laugh.  

“Stop harassing my flatmate,” Hoseok gives Jungkook a small glare before putting his arm around your shoulders and pulling you off towards the kitchen.

Your heart rate picks up at the closeness, his skin lightly touching the skin of your neck, the contact causing the skin to heat up. As soon as you step into the kitchen his arm drops back to his side as he rounds the counter to where the drinks are, you instantly miss the contact.  

“I just wanted to say thank you,” he says, his back to you as he pours out two drinks.  

“You really don’t need to thank me. Your friends did most of the organising, buying the decorations and alcohol, and they set up most of it. They’ve already thanked me enough too,” you say.  

“But I wanted to say thank you,” he says, turning around with two drinks in his hands.  

“No worries,” you give him a small smile as he hands you one of the drinks. “This better not be as deadly as Jimins drinks. I don’t think I can cope with another hangover like last time.”  

“No promises,” Hoseok laughs as he takes a sip.  

Walking back into the living room where most people were, Hoseok gets dragged away by a girl you don’t recognise, he gives you an apologetic look over his shoulder as she takes him to a small group in the corner.  

Looking around the room you take another sip of your drink as you walk to a corner no one was occupying. Feeling a bit lost in the room full of people you don’t know, not the sort of person to jump into a conversation with a group of people who all know each other, you opt for just trying to blend in. Deciding that you would try and just mull around for an hour before heading to your room. That would be enough time to not look rude, you reasoned.  

Taking another sip of your drink you look around the party again, everyone stood in small clusters laughing and drinking. Your eyes finally landed on the birthday boy, his smile wide as a boy you don’t recognise tells an animated story. A small smile comes to your lips as you watch his head fall back on his neck, a laugh escaping his lips. Moving on, you continue to look around the rest of the room, noticing the boys that had come to help you set up the party scattered around the room with different groups, all seemingly having a good time.  

A small sigh leaves your lips as you look down at your cup, watching the ice clink against the edge of your cup as you swirl its contents.  

“You look a little lost,” a voice says from beside you and you look up to see Liv smiling beside you. “Come on, I’ll introduce to some people,” she says and takes your hand before you can say anything against the matter.  

She drags you over to a group of four people, the only person you recognise is Jin. Liv introduces you as Hoseoks flatmate and then gives you the names of everyone else, you give them a small smile in return. They carry on the conversation that they had been having before you arrive and you stand listening, giving smiles and noises when appropriate. But mainly you stay silent, listening and sipping your drink, feeling slightly awkward.  

When the conversation reached a certain lull, you turned to Liv and tell her you were going to get another drink. She told you to come back and find her when you were done and you smiled at how nice she was being.  

Pouring out a drink, you take out your phone as you sip the contents, deciding to stay in the kitchen for a few minutes. As you had thought earlier, you think again how you wish you had asked if you could have invited Lily to the party. Deciding to send her a text instead, it simply read:

Wish you were here, this party sucks.  

Which you felt slightly bad for saying as it was more you and the fact you struggled to socialise with strangers that was making it boring. Everyone else seemed to be having a great time.  

Have a few more drinks and I’m sure it will liven up!

She replies and you smile at her reply. Alcohol would of course help you feel less awkward, but you also didn’t want to have to down loads of spirits to have a good time.  

“Y/N,” you heard your name screamed, and you look up from your phone in the direction of the party. “Y/N,” the scream sounds out again, you make no attempt to move towards it, slightly confused as to why someone was shouting your name anyway. “There you are,” Jimin says as he appears in the door way, catching your eye. “Come on, we’re starting a game and I need you on my team,” he says as he walks towards you. “You were so good when we played last time,” he stands in front of you smiling.  

“Oh,” is all you say in response.  

“I’ve already hyped up how much I’m going to win, and I’m relying on you to achieve that,” he slightly pleads, before looking around the empty room you occupy. “Why you hiding out in here?”  

Your cheeks flush at his words, eyes dropping to your cup. “Just getting a drink.”  

“Well, you have one now,” he says gently, obviously realising that there was more to you hiding away from the party. “Hoseok wants you to play too,” he says as if that would make you want to play.  

“Of course, I’ll play. But I don’t want to win if I’m going to be punished and have to drink again,” you say, and a big smile breaks out on his face, you would never have been rude enough to deny him and would have found to awkward to say no anyway. “I think last time was a fluke anyway, maybe the alcohol,” you say.

“You’ll just have to drink a bit more then,” he says, walking away, you following in suit.  

“I think there was more to it than that,” you mumble.  

“Yeah, skill,” he pauses when in the room so that you are stood next to him, a cheeky smile on his face as he places an arm around your shoulders.  

Guiding you through the room, he takes you to a different group from earlier who were all sat around chatting on the sofa, a pack of playing cards lay in front of them. Hoseok was there next to the same girl that dragged him off from the start, Taehyung sat next to Jungkook and two other girls you hadn’t met.  

“Got my partner,” Jimin announces loudly as he pulls you to sit by him in the empty seats, his arm still around you.  

“Ahh, the winning partner I hear,” Jungkook says.

“I’ve just been saying that I think Jimins expectations are too high,” you say shyly as everyone's eyes are on you.  

“You were the best last time,” Hoseok chimes in and you give him a small smile in thanks.  

“If she can remember it,” Taehyung adds and your face heats at the memory as everyone Hoseok, Jimin and Taehyung give a small laugh at the memory. Jimin gives your shoulder a small squeeze in reassurance seeing your embarrassed look.  

Turns out last time was not a fluke and though you joke that Jimin was sabotaging your team for being so rubbish, you ultimately win. Ice broken, and alcohol coursing through your system, you feel more comfortable at the party and start to actually enjoy yourself. Though you end up not really speaking to Hoseok, you talk to his friends and have the best time.  

Staying up later that you thought, you actually start to see people leave. Clearing up and taking some of the dirty cups to the kitchen you try and make the flat look less like a bomb site.  

As you clean the living room up a bit you think about how good a time you’d had. How nervous you were but everyone had made you feel at home, part of the group. You wish you’d spoken to Hoseok more, as he was the reason you were there, but it was his party with all his friends, there were obviously going to be people there he wanted to speak to more than you.  

“Come on, we’ll clear all this up tomorrow,” Hoseok voice comes from behind you as you start to make a pile of glasses by the sink and you jump slightly, not hearing him enter the room.  

“I just think if I do a bit now, it will save doing it tomorrow,” you continue to pile up the glasses.  

“Just stop,” Hoseok says, his voice getting louder as he walks closer to you. “I’ll sort it out tomorrow.”  

Continuing to ignore him, you instead start to fill the sink with water. Hoseoks hand grabs your wrist, stopping you from doing anything more, his other hand turning the tap off.  

“I said, it’s fine,” his voice has dropped an octave, and it almost sends a shiver down your spine.  

You turn around to face him, not expecting him to be stood so close.  

“I just wanted to be helpful,” you look to the ground, unable to meet his eye as your heart beat picks up. “It is your birthday after all. You can’t be the one to clean up.”  

“You’ve been more than helpful,” he says, his hand that was encompassing your wrist drops down so that he is now holding your hand. “Plus, I enjoy cleaning.”  

“Is no one staying over tonight? No Jimin?” You ask, trying, but failing, to relieve the tension that has arisen in the room.  

“No one,” he replies. “Just the two of us,” he says, and your face heats.  

“Well, I had a great night. I hope you enjoyed it too,” you attempt again to ease the tension that has arisen in the room with a change in topic.  

“I really loved it. Nice to see everyone. Sorry I didn’t get to talk to you more, I really wanted to but people kept pulling me away.”  

“It’s fine, everyone wants to talk to the birthday boy,” you say. “Your friends were nice though, they made me feel really welcome and like I was part of the group.”

“They all loved you,” he says and you roll your eyes at him though the smile that comes to your face gives you away.  

“Well, they were easy to get on with,” you say.  

A silence comes over the room as you stare into each other's eyes. Hoseoks thumb slowly runs along the side of your hand as he continues to hold it. The tension in the room gets almost unbearable and you have to break it, unsure how it had built so high after just a short conversation.  

“I have a present for you,” your voice sounds loud after the silence.  

“You didn’t have to get me anything,” he says.  

“It’s in my bedroom,” you say, taking your hand out of his as you walk towards your room, hoping he got the hint that you wanted him to follow you.  

Reaching your room, you dig through the draw where you put the present. Finding it you turn around to see Hoseok leaning against the wall next to your door.  

“Here you go,” you hand him the rectangular gift. A wide smile breaks out on his face, his big white teeth on show. “It’s nothing big,” you try to lower his expectations.  

“I already love it,” he says, having not removed any wrapping paper.  

“Well, open it before you make any assumptions,” you say, nerves taking over as you watch him rip open the gift.  

As the paper gets taken off, a gold rimmed photo frame appears. A photo of seven smiling men within it.

“I asked Jimin for a photo,” you explain as his eyes light up at the gift. “So you can blame him if you don’t like it.” As the silence continues you start to worry that he is disappointed so you decide to fill the silence. “I just thought how you said you wanted more pictures around the flat, and this could be the start.”

“I love it,” he says as he finally looks up at you and you can’t describe the look in his eye. Reaching out he places the frame on top of the draws next to him. “I honestly love it.”

Hoseoks face almost impossibly lights up more when he sees a smile come to your face. Opening his arms up, he looks at you questioningly.  

“Can I give you a thank you hug?” He asks.

Heat rising to your face, you step towards him in answer, getting just close enough for him to be able to take you in his arms. He takes a small step forward so that the tips of your toes are almost touching before wrapping his arms around you. Almost in shock at the contact, your arms remain by your side for half a second before you think that it would be weird if you didn’t hug him back.

Putting your arms around his waist you take in how your head fits perfectly into the crook of his neck. How your arms fit around his waist, whenever you had seen him, he wore loose clothing and you had never noticed how slim he was, not just that, but how toned he was. With your nose pressed to his shirt you smell the alcohol he had been drinking all night, but there was also the overwhelming smell of him, a masculine, earthy smell mixed with clean linen. His hand slowly runs up and down your back in a soothing motion and you can feel the faint whisps of air coming from his nose on top your head.  

Unsure how long you stay like that, and feeling like you could stay in his arms forever, you finally pull away from his embrace. The smile is still plastered on Hoseoks face when you look at him, and neither of you make a move to step away from each other.  

“Thanks,” he whispers again and you would have laughed if the tension wasn’t so harsh.  

“It’s nothing,” you say just as quietly.  

Before you can step away or saying anything else, you are pulled into another hug. This time he seems to step impossibly closer, his feet now either side of yours so that your chests are flush against one another. Your heart rate increases and you worry that he can feel it trying to escape your chest.  

Hoseok pulls away just enough so that he can look into your eyes, but keeps his arms tight around you, chests still pressed against one another. Leaning down he places a kiss on your cheek, your face heating at the spot that his lips touch.  

“I love it,” he says as he pulls away again so he can look into your eyes.  

Unsure what to reply, words escaping you in that moment, you remain silent as you stare at him. He leans down again and kisses your other cheek and you are sure it’s the alcohol causing him to act this way.  

“And thanks for the party,” he says.  

“I- It- It was mainly your friends,” you manage to stutter out.  

Hoseok simply hums at you as his eyes flicker between yours, and you don’t miss when they occasionally flick down to your lips. Time seems to slow in the moment, and in a way you’re are thankful, wanting to stay in this moment for as long as possible.  

“Can I kiss you?” His voice is impossibly quiet but you catch every word.

Your head gives the smallest nod that you would have thought was invisible to the human eye, but Hoseok obviously notices as his head slowly moves towards yours.  

As soon as his lips touch yours, you feel almost paralysed, your mind goes blank and it’s as if your body forgets how to work. But as his lips slowly move against yours, your mind suddenly speeds up and whirls into action. Your lips start to move in time with Hoseok and a small moan of approvement escapes his lips. As your hands move up to the nape of his neck, his move down to rest on your hips, squeezing and kneading you skin slightly. Pulling away you rest your foreheads together as slow pants come out of your lips.  

“Please don’t say thank you,” you say and Hoseok gives a big laugh at the words, his head going to your shoulder as his body slightly shakes in your arms.

Once calmed down enough he brings his head back up to look at you and you feel the tension ease as the big smile remains on his face. His forehead is no longer resting on yours, but you still remain close, arms wrapped around each other.  

“I should probably get to bed,” Hoseok says, though he doesn’t make a move to leave.  

“Yeah, it is getting pretty late,” you say, though you also don’t move from your position.  

Leaning down, Hoseoks lips encase yours and slowly move in a steady rhythm. The kiss is less desperate and heated as the one that happened moments ago, and it is shorter, your lips separating after hardly anytime. Brushing a piece of hair behind your ear, Hoseok finally step away from you.  

“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow,” he says, a wide smile on his face as he slowly backs towards the door.  

“I’ll be in the kitchen cleaning all those glasses,” you joke.  

“Don’t do them all without me,” Hoseok warns you. Giving you one last glance, he turns and heads to his own room.  

Lying in the bed that night, you aren’t sure whether it’s the alcohol coursing through your veins or the lingering feeling of Hoseoks lips on yours that causes you to stay awake for what feels like hours.  

It’s the next day, when the sink is full of hot water ready for you wash up, that you next see Hoseok. Hearing his door open and close, you turn to look as he walks through the kitchen door. You have to stop the coo that almost leaves your lips at the sight of him. Striped, long, soft, pyjamas don his body, the crotch low making his legs look small. His hair looks fluffy and soft as he has obviously just rolled out of bed, a brush not having gone through it yet. His eyes are small and slightly puffy from sleep. A small yawn leaves his lips and his hands rub his tired eyes as he steps into the room.  

“Morning,” you say semi cheerfully as you turn back to the sink, rolling up your sleeves as you take the first item to wash.  

“I’m here to help,” his morning voice is raspy and you wish you had a recording of it so you could listen to it over and over.  

“I was serious when I said I’m fine doing it alone,” you say, concentration still on the dishes as you feel him come and stand next to you. He picks up the wet glass you had just washed and dries it before putting it away.  

“And I was serious when I said I wanted to help,” he says as you hand him another glass to dry. “I actually enjoy cleaning and clearing up. Is that weird?”  

“It can be therapeutic,” you agree.

“I just like things clean,” he says and you give a small chuckle.  

“I mean Rosie did say I would have to keep the flat clean when I first spoke to her,” you say. “She made it sound more like it was an advert for a cleaning job than for a spare room,” you exaggerate, teasing him.  

“I’ve just said I like to clean,” his voice comes out slightly whiney, and when you look at him there is a small pout on his lips, though you can tell he is teasing.  

“Then why did you make it sound like a weird cleaning job?” You laugh.  

“That wasn’t my idea,” he holds the hand up that hasn’t got a glass in it, finger pointed, eyebrows raised. “But I do like a tidy house, so I agreed to it.”

“Guess you don’t want any messy weirdo,” you continue to laugh as you pass him another glass to dry.  

“Unlucky I got you then, hey,” he says and manages to dodge the small splash of water that you aim at him.  

“Didn’t seem like you felt that way last night,” the words slip out of your mouth before you even think, and as your mind catches up to what you have said your face heats. The room falls silent and you’re glad that your focus is on the sink, Hoseok unable to see the shock written all over your face.  

“I guess you’ve grown on me,” he says after the seconds silence. “You did offer to clean up after the party.”

“Oh,” you say in a mock shocked voice as you turn to look at him. “So is that your thing?” You ask as you look on his face. “Cleaning turns you on?” You clarify and you are unsure where your confidence has come from.  

A slight pink tints his cheeks and your smile grows at the fact that you had caused that. Your confidence growing in the process.  

“If that was my thing, I would have done more than just kiss you,” and with those few words your confidence is crushed. Your head whips back to look at the bubbles in the sink, face hot as you avoid his eye contact.  

Hearing his steps coming back to stand next to you, ready for another glass, you glance at him long enough to hand him the one you had just washed, seeing the wide, almost proud smile on his face you go back to looking at the sink.  

“So when we’ve finished washing these, fancy tackling the living room?” You don’t give him time to answer before continuing. “I have a feeling there are going to be crumbs everywhere, and I think I saw Jin smashing some cake in Jungkooks face at one point, so I expect there will be icing everywhere too.”  

“I’m fine to do that alone. Surely you have better things to do today?” You roll your eyes at his words, though you are secretly glad that he had allowed the conversation to move on from the kiss.  

“We’ve been over this,” you sigh. “If we just do it together, it will be done quicker.”  

“OK, and then can we watch something and eat lots of food after?” He asks in an almost pouty voice and you laugh but agree.  

As predicted the living room was full of crumbs, bits of cake, and some more dishes that you hadn’t taken to the sink earlier. But working together it took no time for the flat to be back to its normal self. For once the two of you didn’t order in food, instead you quickly whipped up some food, saying that it would make the both of you feel better to eat something fresh.  

Bringing the food into the living room Hoseok was already lay on the sofa flicking through film options on the TV.  

“So I’m thinking either, 10 things I hate about you, or 13 going on 30?” Hoseok says as you hand him a plate and flop down next to him.  

“You really love chick flicks don’t you,” you give a small chuckle as you look at him.  

“I just love the romance, the happy endings, the kissing,” he teases, wiggling his eyes at you as you roll your eyes, looking back at the TV to hide your embarrassment.  

“Just play 10 things I hate about you,” you sigh, shoving some food in your mouth as Hoseok presses play.  

Throughout the film you find yourself drifting in and out of sleep. 10 things I hate about you turns into 13 going on 30, which turns into Notting Hill. By this point you feel more awake and you are both sat up watching the film, Hoseok had gone and got snacks at some point so you were both munching on those.  

“I’d love to own a bookstore,” you say through a mouthful of popcorn as the film shows a young Hugh Grant stood in his bookstore.  

“You love that snug so much it doesn’t surprise me,” Hoseok replies.  

“And then imagine some famous walking in,” you sigh dreamily. “And I mean someone as famous as her, she’s supposed to be one of the most famous people ever in this film. I think I’d freeze if that happened to me.”  

Hoseok chuckles to himself as you speak, not saying anything as you ramble on about the film.  

“But he just invites her back to his flat? I mean he has just spilt juice all over her, but still, I think I’d run away mortified,” you say.  

“Really?” You can’t quite decipher the tone of Hoseoks voice, and when you turn to look at him you see an almost smug, knowing look on his face.  

“Yeah,” you say, though less sure of yourself now that you are looking at him. “Wouldn’t you?”  

At that Hoseok turns back to look at the TV, the smug smile still on his face. “Depends who it was I guess.”  

“Someone really famous, that everyone knows,” you say.

“Go on name someone,” he turns back to you, eyebrows raised in question awaiting your answer.  

You give a small hum as you think. “I’m not the best with famous people,” you say and another chuckle leaves Hoseoks lips. “I don’t know. Leonardo DiCaprio? Hugh Grant?” You say pointing at the man on the screen.

“Well they may not have the same desired effect on me, as they would have on you,” he says a smile on his face as your cheeks warm. “But sure, maybe I’d panic a bit. I think I’d probably have more of a desire to talk to them though, ask them about their careers, their lives.”  

“And that is where we have a major difference in views,” you say. “I could never talk to someone like that.”  

“But they’re just people?” Hoseok says.  

“Of course. They’re just completely different people to me,” you say. “They probably wouldn’t be interested in talking to me anyway. I’m sure they have loads of people go and say how much they love them, ask them the same questions over and over, the last thing they would want is me going over.”  

“True,” Hoseok says. “But I am also sure that they would enjoy hearing it. It must be nice to hear that people like what you are doing. But like you said, not if there's hundreds of people doing the same thing.”

“Must be weird,” you say.  

“What?” He asks.

“To have everyone know who you are. Everything you do scrutinised. I mean look, she can’t even go into this guys flat without everyone swarming on the place,” you say, the TV showing Hugh and Julia hiding out in his flat with press outside the door.  

Hoseok simply hums in response, eyes on the TV.  

“I don’t think it’s a life I’d want,” you say and Hoseok turns to look at you, an almost sadness in his eyes.  

“Even if it was a consequence of doing something you love?”  

“I’m not sure there would be anything worth it,” you say. “To have your life completely invaded. I don’t know.”  

Hoseok simply nods his head as if understanding, but the sadness remains in his eyes and you are unsure why.  

“But I can see why people do it,” you say, trying to lighten the weirdly sad mood that had fallen over the room. “Notting Hill is pretty. I bet it costs a lot more to live there now than it did when this was filmed,” you decide to change the topic of conversation.  

“Yeah, I like all the brightly coloured houses,” he agrees with you.  

“Have you ever been?”  

“I’ve been to London, but it was a business trip so I didn’t really get to go around everywhere I’d like to,” he says. “You ever been?”

“No, but I’d love to. It always looks so pretty in films. I think I’d rather go there than New York,” you say.  

“Really? I feel like most people would say the opposite,” he says.  

“Yeah, but I feel like there are more places in England I would want to visit. America is so big you would just do New York and then have to do LA or somewhere else another trip,” you reason.  

“I guess,” Hoseok shrugs. “You should just go if you want to.”

“I will one day, I just need to save up enough money and save up some holiday from work first,” you say, Hoseok nodding. “And find someone who would want to come with me,” you chuckle.  

“You wouldn’t go alone?”

“Maybe, but isn’t it funer to experience these things with people?”  

“Yeah, I guess it’s nice to have the memories with someone,” he agrees. “Well if you ever need a travelling buddy, I’d come with you.”

You weren’t expecting him to say that and he can tell by the way your eyebrows shoot up your forehead, you mouth popping open in surprise. “Really?” You question.

“Why not?” He laughs at your reaction.  

“Not too busy?” You ask.

“I’d have to fit it around my schedule, but if you’re waiting to build up money and holiday anyway, then I don’t see why it wouldn’t work.”

You think about what he was saying. You still feel like you don’t really know much about Hoseok, yet here he was offering to go on holiday with you as if you were best friends. But part of you wanted to take him up on the offer, wanted to travel the world with the man, wanted to have memories of him in places around that you dreamed of visiting.  

“Alright, deal,” you say smiling at him, getting a big beaming smile in return.  

As much as you wanted to travel with the man, you honestly had no thought that it would actually ever happen. He was far too busy. He was probably saying it to make you feel like you had someone to go with, to be nice. Because that was what Hoseok was, nice. But you could at least pretend that the offer was real, that maybe one day you would travel with him. So that’s why you agreed, to let part of you hold that small fantasy.  

The rest of the day was spent watching more films with Hoseok, falling into easy with him, growing ever closer to him. You almost didn’t want the day to end, enjoying the rare time you got to actually talk to him in person. But eventually you both went your rooms in your separate rooms.

Life went back to its more normal routine after that. Or what you had grown to see as normal anyway. Back at work, only being able to talk to Hoseok through post-it notes and texts, hearing him come home late at night, you leaving for work before he was up for the day. In a weird way you missed him, though you were still speaking to him all the time you wished you could see him in person, even if it was just a passing hi in the hallway.  

You hung out with Lily and Eddie, hung out with people from work, went out shopping and to coffee shops on your own, but it never felt the same as just sitting on the sofa with Hoseok. You wanted to text him to ask when he would next be off work so that you could do it again, but you always chickened out when going to send the text.  

The answer to your unasked question came after a few weeks. Sat watching something in the living room on a weekend you had assumed that Hoseok was either away or had left before you had awoken that day. But he walked into the room in his usual long pyjamas and ruffled hair and you couldn’t help the shocked expression that came to your face. He didn’t notice though as his eyes were almost squinted shut.  

Flopping down onto the sofa, his head lay almost touching your lap and you could see how red his nose was from blowing it so frequently, his eyes puffy.  

“You OK?” You speak for the first time and try to refrain from running your hand through his already ruffled hair.

“Just got a bit of a cold,” his voice is gravely and you didn’t think the sound would affect you as much as it did, it reminding you of his voice after his birthday when he had just woken up.  

“Need me to get you anything? Water, paracetamol, soup?” You list some options, already preparing to stand up.  

“No,” he whines slightly, his hand reaching above his head and tapping around in search of your leg, his eyes still closed. “I just want you to stay here,” he says as his hand rests against your leg and the spot warms at the contact.  

“I’ll be back in a second, I’m just going to get you a drink,” you ignore his whines as you stand up, his arm flopping down to the floor.  

It takes you hardly any time to get some water for him, coming back in to find him in the same position. Placing the glass on the table in front of him you take your original seat, though a bit further away from him this time.  

His hand comes up from the floor though and repeats the same action as before, blindly searching for you and you watch as he can’t quite reach you. Raising his head and opening his eyes to squint at you a pout forms on his lips as he sees you’ve moved away from him.  

“Come here,” he says, patting the place you earlier occupied.  

Heat raises to your face as you shuffle closer to him. Once close enough he looks up into your eyes, a small smile on his face as he makes his whole-body shuffle closer to you, his head now in the perfect position to rest on your legs.  

You stiffen at the contact, while Hoseok hums out lowly, making himself comfy. Looking down at him you can just make out that his eyes are closed as his head faces the TV. After a few minutes and coming to the conclusion that the man is going nowhere you start to relax slightly. Looking down at him again you finally decide to do what you’d be wanting to do since he lay down on the sofa. Picking your hand up you gently run your hand through his hair, nails running gently along his scalp. A satisfied hum leaves Hoseoks mouth at the feeling and he shuffles impossibly closer to you.  

“That feels nice,” his croaky voice sounds out.  

“Maybe you should take some paracetamol,” you say.

A groan leaves his lips showing how much he opposes the idea. “I took some earlier,” he says. “It’s just a cold, I’ve probably just over worked myself a bit, I’ll be fine by the end of the day. I just want to lie here for a bit.”  

“How long ago?” The strokes of his hair never ceasing as you both speak. “You should try and take your full dose if you want to feel better.”  

“Alright mum,” he whines, sitting up he reaches out and takes the glass of water you had placed on the table. As you shuffle to the end of the sofa ready to go get him some pills a hand comes out to stop you. “I’ve got it,” he says before standing up and heading to the kitchen.

“You looked after me when I was ill, why can’t I repay the favour?” You ask when he re-enters the room, paracetamol in hand.  

“You can,” he says and he comes back to his earlier position. “The hair stroking was making me feel much better,” he looks up at you, head on your lap, smile on his face.  

Smiling down at him you go back to trailing your hand through his hair and he twists back to look at the TV, though he closes his eyes. It doesn’t take long for him to fall asleep in your lap, but you continue to run fingers along his scalp, secretly loving the feeling yourself.  

You could easily have slipped Hoseok from your lap, could easily escaped from under him. You had planned on doing some stuff around the flat that day, your sheets needed to be changed for one, and you need to go pick up some food from the shops. But as he lay in your lap, you couldn’t help but stare at his pristine face, taking in all his features. And the last thing you wanted to do in that moment was move away from him. So you sat watching the TV for nearly an hour before Hoseok started to stir.  

“Good sleep?” You spoke softly when he seemed to be fully awake.

“How long have I been out?” He asks, rubbing his eyes and sitting up.  

“About an hour. Looks like you needed it,” you say.  

“An hour? You didn’t have to stay,” he replies, stretching his arms out in a stretch as a yawn escapes his lips.  

“I didn’t mind,” you half mumble. “You must be hungry though. I need to go pick up some food from the shop anyway, so do you want me to get anything for you?”  

“I’ll come with you,” he says, legs being pulled out and dropping down so that his feet hit the floor.  

“I’m going anyway,” you repeat your statement.  

“Anyone would think you don’t want to be seen with me in public,” he says, looking down at you from his standing position.  

“It’s just, you’re obviously not well I don’t want you to get more ill,” you say.  

“I feel way better, like I said earlier, I get these colds all the time when I’ve had a heavy work schedule and they normally go by the end of the day. That nap has sorted me right out,” he gives you a wide smile as if to try and convince you, but you can both tell that it nor his words have made you any less concerned for his health. “The fresh air will do me good?” It comes out as a question as he continues to try and persuade you to let him go.  

“Well there's no way I can stop you,” you sigh, but a small chuckle leaves your lips as Hoseok jumps in celebration.  

“Let me just change, I’ll be 5 minutes,” he shouts as he runs out the room.  

As you sit waiting for him you can’t help but smile. You couldn’t explain what it was about him but he made you feel like no one had ever done before. Maybe it was the way his smile seemed to brighten the room, maybe how his personality was always happy even on a day like today when he was obviously not feeling 100% he could still make you smile, maybe the fact that you felt like you could have a real conversation with him, joke with him, tell him things without feeling like he would judge you. You still felt like you hardly knew the man, yet you constantly wanted to be around him, would miss when he wasn’t in the flat, your heart would skip a beat when you saw a text arrive from him.  

Maybe it was just the fact that he was your flatmate. That you share so much with someone you live with. That even if he was hardly here, you saw a different side to someone when you lived with them. Maybe you would have felt this way towards anyone you lived with. After all you were very fond of Lily, and by extension Eddie, who you had lived with, granted you had been friends with Lily before living with her, but living with her had caused your friendship to grow even closer.  

It took the promised 5 minutes for Hoseok to come back into the room, as promised. Snapping out of your thoughts you looked up to see him wearing some baggy black trousers, a big white top tucked into the front showing off his skinny waist. He held a hat and mask in his hand as he smiled at you.  

“Ready?” He asked.  

Standing up you give him a smile and a small nod as you walk towards him. He makes a small gap so you can get past him to the front door.  

“You looked deep in thought,” he says and though it’s not a question you know he is expecting an answer.

Face heating you shrug as you put your shoes on and pick up your bag. “Just thinking about what I need to buy,” you say, turning to look at him as you stand ready to go. “Do you not want a jacket?”

“It’s warm enough to not need one,” he says.

“But you’re not well. You don’t want to make yourself more ill,” you scold him.  

He simply rolls his eyes, walking towards you he opens the door and puts a hand on your back giving you a small push so that you walk through the door. “I’ll be fine,” he says as he follows you out. “Like I said, I already feel worlds better.”  

Riding the elevator down Hoseok puts his mask and hat on, obscuring his face but you can still see when his eyes squint in happiness and hear his voice when he talks to you. Saying a thank you to Keith as he opens the door for you both, you realise that this is the first time you have been with Hoseok outside of the flat. It felt kind of weird to be with him outside, almost unnatural.  

Walking beside Hoseok though you fall into easy conversation with him, forgetting any worries altogether. Going round the shop Hoseok mainly trails behind you, commenting on a few items that you put in your basket, asking if you can add some other items, which you gladly do. It felt normal, not that you had really expected anything else, but the whole thing struck you as nice and it made you feel more and more like you wanted to hang out with the man.  

As expected Hoseok tried to pay for the food, but you refused saying that most of the items were for you anyway. As he had paid for 2 takeaways and hadn’t let you pay him back in the end was enough for him to roll his eyes and put his wallet away. Though when it came to carrying the bag of groceries home, he would not take no as an answer.  

Back in the flat you seem to fall into an almost rehearsed routine of putting the food away, both ebbing and flowing to the get fridge and cupboards needed.  

“So what we cooking?” You ask when everything's away.  

Turning you see Hoseok leaning against the island looking at you, no words spoke.  

“What?” You ask, wondering if you had something on your face the way he was looking at you.  

“Nothing,” he says with a small smirk on his face and when you continue to look at him confused he carries on. “It’s just being in here reminds me of the party. Of when we kissed.”

Face instantly heats at his words. Sure you had inadvertently spoken about it for all of 2 minutes the morning after, otherwise it was some unspoken topic that you assumed Hoseok wanted to forget.  

“Oh,” you say turning away from him to busy yourself with something.  

“Do you not think about it too?" He says and you can hear his voice getting closer.

“It crosses my mind,” you lie, back still to him, because honestly there isn’t a day when you don’t think about his lips on yours.  

“I can’t get it out of my head,” he agrees with the thoughts swimming in your mind.  

His voice is so close that it shouldn’t be a surprise when you turn and he is stood almost on top of you. Craning your neck you look up at him.  

“Really?” You say unsure if he was lying, though you can’t think why he would.

His hand comes out and rests on your face, thumb slowly brushing your cheek.

“Yeah,” he says softly as his head starts to lean towards you.  

Head spinning, a million thoughts run through your mind and yet the words that escape your mouth are, “you’re ill.”

A small laugh sounds out, lips curve up into a smile. “I told you I feel fine,” he says, but then slowly starts to back away. “But if you’re worried you’ll catch something.”  

Panic is the only thing that crosses your mind as you watch him retreat. Cursing yourself for saying anything in the first place, you raise your hand so that it’s on top of the one on your face.  

“I’ll risk it,” you say.  

A brighter smile takes over his face before he comes in again. Faster this time there is no time before his lips are connected with yours.  

The kiss starts of gentle, lips moulding together in synchronised movement. But as soon as you feel his tongue swipe at your lips and then the feeling of his tongue in your mouth, the kiss turns more heated. Hoseok gently pushes you back until you feel the kitchen island behind you. Hips push into yours and you can’t help but feel his growing excitement, a groan escapes your lips at the realisation and you can’t help but push your hips forward to gain some more friction.  

Panting Hoseok parts from you long enough to say “bedroom?”  

You nod at him. His hands come down to your thighs and you jump up so that he can carry you to his room. Lips attached to one another you hardly notice when you enter his room, only conscious when he drops you down onto his bed. It’s only then that you think about the fact you have never seen his room, but all thoughts of this are ripped from your mind as Hoseok strips himself of his top. Standing above you in nothing but his trousers you can’t help as your eyes travel down his toned torso.  

A small chuckle leaves his lips as he watches you, crawling up your body so that his face is level with yours he asks, “like what you see?”  

Your answer comes as you grab the back of his neck, pulling him down to connect your lips again.  

Frantic is the word you would describe the action of you and Hoseok stripping each other of your clothes. Down to just your underwear you almost gasp when you feel his fingers gently slide up the inside of your thigh, stopping just where you want him.  

“Are you sure?” He asks and your heart grows at how sweet he is even in this moment.

“Yes,” is all you have to say before you pulls your pants down your legs before bringing his fingers to your clit. Moaning as beings to move, one hand on your thigh keeping your legs open. When your feel a finger enter you, your head lulls back into the pillow, a loud groan escaping you as he continues his assault.  

“Hoseok,” you moan and he adds another finger, continuing his torture. “Hoseok, please,” you try again to get his attention.

“What is it love?” He says and all you can think is how wrong you were when you thought his morning voice was sexy, because surely this was really what you wanted to hear all the time.  

Your mind goes blank at the sound and the feeling of him between your legs. After a second to regain yourself you try again, “Hoseok, please I need you.”

His fingers slow at your request, clearly flustered. The feeling of his fingers leaving you makes you whelp, missing the feeling instantly. But Hoseok crawls up your body, lips kissing every inch that he comes into contact with as he goes. Finally face to face he gives you a small kiss he looks you in the eye.  

“You’re sure?” He asks.  

“Yes,” you say again and watch as his eyes brighten.  

He pulls away from you to reach to his nightstand, coming back with a foil packet in his hand. Pulling his pants down you watch as he rolls the condom down his erection, giving it a few strokes before looking back at you.  

His lips attach back to yours, tongue easily slipping into your mouth. Groaning at the feel of his tip slowly caressing your folds. His lips only separate from yours when he sinks into you, a few pants leave his lips as he bottoms out. He stays like that for a few seconds, obviously trying to gather himself, but when he starts to moving your hips against him he starts to thrust in you.  

It’s slow and sensual and you would almost describe it as making love. Lips messy as they move against each other, separating every so often only to be attached to another part, neck, chest, shoulder, anything you can get contact with.  

He seems to hit every nerve within you and it doesn’t take you long to start to reach your high. As you are pushed over the edge, Hoseoks hips speedy slightly into a sloppy rhythm as he chases his own high which follows closely behind yours.  

Collapsing onto of you, you kiss his shoulder as he remains inside of you panting lightly. Pushing onto his elbows he looks down at you.  

“I should have done that sooner,” he admits and you smile up at him.  

“You’ve been busy,” you try to give him an excuse.  

“I could have made time,” he smirks.  

Pulling out of you, you instantly miss the feeling. But Hoseok rolls next to you, pulling you into his chest, his arms encompassing you.  

“Stay here tonight?” He whispers into your ear.  

“It is quite far for me to get home,” you joke and he kisses your temple with a laugh.  

“Would hate anything to happen to you between here and your room,” he plays along.  

You swivel to get into a more comfortable position, your head now on his chest as his hand runs up and down your arm. Feeling sleep take over you can’t help but feel happy. You hadn’t had anything like this in so long and yet this seemed to feel natural, nice. Sleep finally takes you over and you feel like you have never slept better than you do wrapped in Hoseoks arms.  

You and Hoseok fell into a weird but almost natural relationship after that. Some nights when he came home you would end up making out on the sofa, TV on but ignored in the background. Sometimes things would progress and he would pick you up, lips still attached to his as your legs wrap around his waist, while he carries you to his room. Not sure if you would call it making love, not like the first time you did it, but not far off. You would spend as many nights together as possible, mainly opting to stay in his room.  

Sometimes you would wake up to an empty bed, but your favourite mornings were when you would wake up and find him still asleep next to you. You would trace patterns on his bare chest, watching as it rose and feel in a steady rhythm. You felt at peace, happy, and almost like you were falling in love with the man.  

But you were living in an almost bubble, and that bubble abruptly popped one Sunday morning when you woke up all alone in bed. Not thinking anything of it, you went about your normal routine, getting some breakfast and a drink before heading to the living room. Switching on the TV though, you stopped mid chew as you watched the TV that had been left on some gossip channel.  

Pictures of you were plastered over the screen, walking out the building you lived in, some of you carrying birthday balloons and decorations from a week or so ago. As these disappeared new photos of Jimin and the boys appeared, all dressed in the outfits they had been wearing for the party. And lastly one of Hoseok walking into the building, the words J-Hopes birthday celebrations the only thing you manage to pick up on in your confusion.  

Focusing more on what the news reader was saying you hear her talking about a boyband you’d heard of called BTS. Questioning whether the girl in the pictures was J-Hopes new girlfriend as they had been seen entering the building where he lives all the time, most recently to decorate for his birthday. Some sources had confirmed that she lived there, though they didn’t say what sources they were.  

The girl they were talking about, you realised, was you. Your mind seemed to be working slowly, trying to piece together a puzzle that seemed easy but was proving to be difficult, or maybe it you were purposefully not putting the pieces together correctly. Taking your phone out of your pocket you decide to google the most logical thing, BTS. Photos and news stories pop up showing the 6 boys you had met just a few days ago as well as the boy you lived with. Many of the latest new stories seemed to be following a similar theme to what you had just watched on the TV, speculating as to whether you were J-Hopes new girlfriend.  

Making the mistake of skimming a few stories you reach the comments section and your stomach nearly flips at what you read. Comments about how you weren’t pretty enough to be dating Hoseok, how you must just be a cleaner or employed to help set up for his party, people saying you didn’t deserve to be dating him.  

You have to close the search engine and instead head over to Instagram. This didn’t prove to be much better. Your account was set to private but overnight you had gained hundreds of new follow requests. Skimming through them you realised you didn’t know any of them, 90% seemed to be BTS fan pages. Again messages had been sent to your Instagram page from people saying that you didn’t deserve Hoseok and that he was too good for you, that you weren’t pretty and he would never be interested in you. There were a few nice comments but you seemed to be blind to them.  

Still in shock, toast forgotten, you decide to put your phone down as tears start to well in your eyes. How could you have been so stupid to think he was a normal person? You knew that he was someone and yet you chose to ignore it. You should have googled him and then none of this would have come as a surprise.  

What hurt the most though was that he didn’t bring it up. There had been plenty of times when he could have told you. Did he not trust you enough? Did he think you would go to the magazines and sell some sort of story about him? Maybe he didn’t know you as well as you thought, you certainly didn’t know him as well as you thought. Thinking back to all the time you had spent with him, all the times you spoken to him, kissed him, slept with him. Was that all it was to him, because to you it was more than just sex.  

You remember the time you watched films together. How you had watched Notting Hill and how you had discussed what it would be like to run into a celebrity. He had laughed at you, you didn’t really think much about it at the time, but now you realised he was laughing at you. Laughing at the fact that you were living with a celebrity that seemingly everyone knew. Laughing at the fact the night before you had been at a party full of famous people and you hadn’t even noticed. If there was any moment that he could have told you it was surely then. But he didn’t tell you, merely mocked you almost behind your back. You could almost imagine everyone from the party laughing at you behind your back, at how stupid you looked, how naive you were.  

You feel embarrassment wash over you at the thoughts, when something flashes up on the screen. A letter with the header BigHit, the news reader reads out the statement that had been released just minutes ago from the company Hoseok works for. It denies that you two are dating, which is true to an extent. They say that you are just friends, that is all, nothing more. You lived in the same building and that’s how you had met, which again was true to an extent. They seemed to emphasis throughout that the two of you were just friends, nothing more, and nothing more will ever happen.  

The statement was the last straw for you. Hearing it read out to you in such a plain way made the tears that were welling in your eyes escape, rolling down your cheeks. Without thinking you pick up your phone and call the one person you feel you can speak to.  

“Lily?” You question even though you know it’s her.  

“What’s wrong?” You hear the worry thick in her voice as it’s obvious you are crying.  

“Can I move back in?” You ask. “Just until I find somewhere else to live.”  

“What’s happened? Why do you want to move out? Nothing bad has happened has it, you’re not hurt or anything?” Lily questions, her mind going to all the worst possible scenarios.  

“No, I’m fine. I just don’t think I can live here anymore,” you continue to cry.  

“Of course you can move back in,” she says, slight relief in her voice, though you can hear she is still worried about what would have happened for you to want to move out.

“Thanks,” you say. “I’ll explain everything when I see you. I think I’m going to pack up and head over now.”

“Ok,” Lily’s voice is full of confusion, but she doesn’t deny you moving back. “Do you need me to come and help?”  

“No, it’s fine. I won’t be long. I’ll text you when I’m on my way,” you say before hanging up, a fresh wave of tears escaping your eyes as you look around the room.  

Looking at your phone the main thing you notice is the fact that there are no new messages. No contact from Hoseok. None from any of the other boys. He must really not care about you, you think as you stand and start to pack up all the belongings you could carry. You’d get a taxi to help.  

Looking around your room one last time, it feels weird leaving it bare, used to the bright colours it normally held. It looked so much bigger without all your belongs, even though you didn’t have much stuff, and you were leaving some of it behind, the room looked sad and empty.  

Knocking on the door, you hardly see Lily through your teary eyes when she opens the door. You aren’t even sure it was Lily, it could have been Eddie. But you know it’s her when you are pulled into a tight hug and hear Lily asking what the matter is. Instead of answering her verbally you drop the bags that are in your hands and hug her just as tightly.  

It takes a while for you to calm down enough to explain what has got you into that state. Eddie having to help Lily calm you, making you a tea and grabbing tissues while Lily just continues to hug you. You are such a reck that you have to make sure that they know that nothing serious had happened to you.  

“I’m over reacting I know,” you sniffle when you finish telling them what happened.  

“Not over reacting. I’m more upset you didn’t tell us sooner,” Lily says, and you shoot her a tear-filled glare.  

“I don’t think this is the time for jokes,” Eddie says.  

“Ok, too soon, sorry,” Lily says. “But no, you’re really not over reacting. He should have told you sooner. He shouldn’t have kept you in the dark about who he was. He shouldn’t have used your naivety in his favour. And he should have at least messaged you by now to check how you are, if his company has released a statement then he will know what’s happened. If I was you, I would have been just as upset, just as pissed off.”  

“But I was naïve wasn’t I?” You say. “I knew he was someone. Even if I didn’t know who he was I could easily have googled it, but I thought I was respecting his privacy. But maybe he wanted me to google him and save him the job, maybe he assumed I knew who he was. Maybe he just didn’t care.”

“Even if he assumed you knew, he should have spoken to you about it,” Lily talks firmly, as if it will help to get her words into your head. “He shouldn’t have let you go through that in the dark and alone.”  

A few more tears escape your eyes as she speaks, a mixture of her words hitting true and also remembering all the things that had happened. You didn’t want to feel this way towards Hoseok, you genuinely started to like the man and yet he did this to you. You wanted to believe the best in Hoseok, wanted to believe that he wouldn’t hurt you, wanted to believe that he cared for you as much as you cared for him. But how could you believe any of that when he had done everything he had done.  

“Come on, we’ll get some trash food and watch a trash film and sleep in here tonight,” Lily says when she sees the fresh wave of tears your eyes.  

You look at her and nod your head at her idea, silent tears still streaming down your face. No matter how much she jokes at inappropriate times, Lily did always come through in the end.  

You moped around the flat for a while, ignoring your phone and the outside world. Only turning up for work, and even then you wouldn’t really talk to any colleagues unless you had to. You essentially became a hermit, drawing in to yourself. Even Lily struggled to get in contact with you, and she lived in the same flat as you.  

You didn’t want to go outside, almost in fear of some sort of repeat of what had happened, so you would stay inside when you could. You knew Lily worried about you, always being extra happy when she saw you, asking about your day, telling you funny things that had happened. And you pretended as best you could to be OK around her, but you knew she wasn’t buying it.  

A couple of weeks after the incident you find yourself in the flat alone. In your pyjamas, hair in a messy bun on top of your head, you decide to not go to the door when you hear someone knock. The knocking become more insistent, getting louder the more you ignore it so you decide to see who it is.  

Jimin looks slightly taken aback when you open the door, clearly shocked by your unkept appearance. He quickly makes his face neutral though, making it seem like he wasn’t shocked in the first place.  

“Hi,” he says sheepishly.  

“What the hell are you doing here Jimin?” You say, your voice flat.  

“A warm welcome. Not going to invite me in?”  

You roll your eyes at him, deciding to remain silent.  

“Ok, sorry, I know you’re annoyed at me but I’ll just be a minute,” he says. “Please,” he pleads.  

You take a small step to the side, enough so that he can walk past you, which he does quickly in case you change your mind. When he is past you he spins on his heels so he is looking at you and it’s the first time that you see how worried and stressed he is.  

“You need to talk to Hobi,” he says.  

“I’m barely talking to you, why would I want to talk to him,” you walk past him to the living room.  

“Because if you think you look like shit, he looks ten times worse,” he says as he follows you.  

“Thanks,” you say sarcastically, knowing you looked like shit, but didn’t need him to confirm it.  

“Have you really not seen anything?” He takes a seat on your sofa, not awaiting an invitation, though you wouldn’t have provided one.  

“Why would I?” You say.  

A sigh leaves Jimins mouth and a hand comes up to run over his face.  

“Jesus,” he says. “You really just need to talk to Hobi. He’s been trying to contact you and you haven’t replied. We’ve all been trying to get hold of you.”

“That’s because I don’t want to talk to him. I don’t really want to talk to any of you.”

“Don’t you want to hear what he has to say? He is so sorry and I know that he just wants to -”

“I honestly don’t care,” you cut him off.  

“You can’t think I believe that,” he rolls his eyes at you. “You look like shit, and you can’t tell me that has nothing to do with Hobi.”

“Yeah, I already thanked you for that,” you say.  

“Just come to the flat with me,” he continues.  

“I’m not interested Jimin.”

“When will you be ready? You can’t run from this forever. You need to talk to him at some point.”

“Do I? I don’t think I ever need to see him again if I don’t want to.”

“OK. Yeah, you’re right,” Jimin nods his head as he speaks. “You never have to see him, talk to him, be near him again. But is that really what you want?” He pauses as if wanting a response, which you don’t provide. “He’s sorry. For everything. He doesn’t want your forgiveness, he just wants to explain.”

“He doesn’t want my forgiveness?” You almost laugh. “Then what does he want? He wants to speak to me, to ‘explain’ everything, but he doesn’t want my forgiveness? He wants to ease his conscious, is that it? If he can just talk to me and ‘explain’ everything then he’ll feel like he’s done the right thing and then he’ll feel better about it all and can move on with his life. Is that it?”  

“You know that’s not what I meant,” Jimin sighs at how you have twisted his words. “It will just explain everything.”  

“Explain what?”

“Just talk to Hobi,” Jimin stands up as he says the words and you are surprised that he doesn’t want to stay longer to convince you. But he can tell that no matter what he says in this moment you wouldn’t really listen to what he was saying, only hearing what you wanted to hear.  

“I really don’t want to talk to him,” you say, tears starting to gather in your eyes, a sudden wave of emotion washing over you.  

Jimin looks down at you and he starts to walk toward you, obviously wanting to hug you or comfort you in some way, but stops when you hold out a hand in his direction.  

“Please,” it’s now your turn to plead. “I feel like I’ve been through so much shit. And maybe you think I’ve run away from everything, but if I had stayed everything would have escalated. I don’t know what Hoseok has told you, but if he has told you everything then I would hope you would at least be able to see where I am coming from.”

“He told me everything,” Jimins voice comes out softer and quiet. Looking up at him you can see the concern written over his face and you have to look away when you feel the tears well in your eyes. “But I also don’t think you know everything.”  

“Then tell me,” you say with defeated sigh.  

“Talk to Hobi,” his voice is firm as he says the words for what feels like the hundredth time.  

Fiddling with your fingers, picking at your nails, you avoid Jimins eyes as you think over his words. Maybe you were running from your problems. Maybe talking to Hoseok was the right thing to do. Maybe you needed to meet him and talk through everything. Maybe if you talk to him you might start to feel less crap and might actually get back to a semi normal life.  

When you meet Jimins eyes now you see hope in place of concern.  

“OK,” you say and have to rush your next words out when you see Jimin almost jump for joy. “But I’m not meeting him alone. I would ask to meet him in a public place, but I think that’s out of the question. So instead, I don’t want to see him alone.”

“OK, I understand,” Jimin, elongates the word showing he doesn’t fully understand but is going along with it as you have agreed to meet Hoseok. “How about meeting on neutral ground. Come to the offices after practice one day and we can go to the café in the building,” at your unsure expression he continues. “I’ll be there, you can ask Lily to come too. We’ll sit close by but it will also mean you can talk about everything without feeling like we’re all listening.”

Not quite neutral ground but you guess it’s the best you were going to get. It was almost like he had already planned the whole thing out, it all sounded too perfect for him to have come up with the idea on the spot.  

“OK,” you agree, because although you still had doubts, and although you really didn’t want to meet Hoseok, you knew that you probably should.  

A wide smile spreads across Jimins face, showing off his bright white teeth.  

“You can set the date. Whenever you are ready,” Jimin says. “But shall we say within the next two weeks,” because he doesn’t trust that you won’t leave it months.  

“I’ll tell you a day to meet within the next week,” you better his offer, wanting it over and done already, knowing this meeting will play on your mind all the time. 

“Great,” Jimins smile seems to grow at your words, glad that his plan to come and see you in person had actually paid off.  

As promised you messaged Jimin a date that you were happy to meet. Having spoken to Lily, she agreed that she would come with you for support. Turning up to the BigHit building, although nervous, you felt like things were happening on your terms.  

The last time you had seen Hoseok was when you were in the flat. As you walk into the canteen with Lily you spot Jimin sat at a table across the room. He gives you a wave when he spots the two of you, and as he does the man that had his back to you turns round to look.  

Your walk falters slightly as you see his face. Jimin wasn’t lying when he said that he looked 10 times worse than you. Even in this public setting, where he had obviously made a bit of an effort, he didn’t look his normal self. The closer you got the more detail you could see. His usual smile wasn’t on his face, his lips down turned even as he looked at you. There were dark circles under his eyes as if he hadn’t slept in weeks. His hair had a slight grease to it and it flopped down around his face unstyled. His clothes were baggy and dark, meaning nothing about him was bright.  

Nerves through the roof as it is, the appearance of the seemingly broken man didn’t help your feelings. As you grew ever closer to the table Jimin stood up, at least he had a smile on his face you thought.  

“Hey guys,” Jimin says, almost too brightly. “Thanks for coming. Lily, fancy getting a coffee with me?”  

Not waiting for a reply, Jimin walks up to Lily. Giving you a small smile and squeezing your shoulder gently, Lily turns to get a coffee and sit away from you.

Sitting down opposite Hoseok, silence falls over the two of you as you both take each other in. You were unsure how you should feel. Walking in you felt nerves, seeing Hoseok you almost felt sad for him, and now sat in front of him you start to feel anger at the situation.  

“I’m so sorry,” Hoseok breaks the silence and his voice sounds just as broken as his appearance. “I’m so, so, sorry.”  

You give him a small nod, not trusting your voice in that moment to speak.  

“I was an idiot. I didn’t think about anything and that was so stupid of me. I should have thought and I didn’t,” he carries on when you don’t speak.  

You continue to nod at his words. “You were an idiot,” you say and a tiny smile appears on his face, though you are not trying to be funny. “But I was an idiot too. I was blind and naïve, but you really hurt me,” you carry on and the small smile falls from his face.  

“You weren’t naïve,” Hoseok says.  

“Everyone keeps saying that,” you roll your eyes at him. “I was naïve. I knew you were someone and I chose to respect your privacy or whatever the hell I thought I was doing. But no matter what stupid mistake I made, you should have told me.”  

“I know,” Hoseok sighs.  

“You had months. I can understand at the start maybe. But you got to know me, I opened up to you and you still didn’t trust me enough.”

“It wasn’t about trust.”

“Then what was it about?”  

“Do you know how many people know who I am?” Hoseok asks. “I don’t mean that to sound big headed, but I can’t walk down the street without someone recognising me. And then you come along and had no idea who I was, or at least I assumed you didn’t by the way you treated me. And then you also had no idea who anyone was at my birthday,” he shrugs lightly. “Everyone was against me getting a roommate from the start but I decided to risk it, and when I met you, I was so glad I did. And then I got to actually know you and people started to tell me they thought I should tell you who I was, what I do for a living, and I think I convinced myself that maybe you already you knew, or if you didn’t it would ruin everything and you would treat me differently. And as time went on it felt more and more like I shouldn’t tell you, that I’d left it too late. And then we kissed.” He pauses and looks at you. You remain staring at him, taking in his words and trying to digest them. Not wanting to show any emotion at his words you look at a spot behind him, finding it easier to keep a passive face that way.  

“And the next day we watched films and you were talking about Notting Hill and I thought now's the time that I can tell you. The perfect opportunity to slip it into conversation. But you said that you hated the thought of having a life like Julia Roberts had in the film. Hated the thought of everyone swarming you and I couldn’t do that to you, I couldn’t tell you who I was and ruin everything. So I went back to ignoring it all, pretending I was someone else, that I didn’t need to tell you who I was. And then everything went to shit. And it’s all my fault. And I don’t want you to feel sorry for me or like you owe me anything, I just wanted to explain,” he says and then remains silent, wanting some form of response from you.  

“Jimin said that there was still stuff that I didn’t know, but I know all of this,” you say and you can’t ignore the slight flicker of hurt that crosses his face. Because truthfully you didn’t know everything, you didn’t know his feelings on the whole situation, but you still couldn’t get your head around the fact that he had chosen to not tell you about it.  

Hoseok runs a hand down his face in frustration and the next words that leave his lips sound a bit harsher. “I don’t know what you came here to hear Y/N. That I’m sorry? Because that obviously isn’t enough. That I care for you? Because I do care for you,” his words start to soften and he has an almost desperation in his eyes. “I don’t think I have ever felt this way about anyone. I feel almost protective over you, but I can’t protect you from this. This is my life and I hate that it’s so crappy that it pushed you away.”  

The guard that you had put up when you entered the room starts to slowly slacken at his words. You had wanted to remain strong, and you thought the best way to do that was to be defensive, to throw his words back at him. But as you listen and watch him you realise that that was not the best thing to do at all.

“I care for you too,” you admit. “And that’s why it hurt so much. I didn’t care what everyone was saying. Yes, I’m not used to it and it did affect me. But what really hurt was that it felt like you didn’t care enough to warn me. Didn’t care enough about me to open up to me.”  

“I’m sorry,” is all he can manage to get out.  

“I felt like I was alone. I’d met the rest of your band and thought they were nice and not even they came to my side when everything exploded. But it was the statement I read from you that really got me. Friends, is I think the word I read. Friends don’t kiss friends Hoseok,” you feel almost stronger as you let out the words that had been running through your mind for the past few weeks. “Friends don’t sleep with friends,” you pause to see the slight cringe that crosses his face at those words. “And even if we were just friends, which I would have been happy with, friends don’t just abandon each other it a shit storm like that.”  

“I know this is going to sound like a cop out and it is no excuse, but it was all the company. We don’t write those press releases and however much influence it looks like I have, I have no say,” he says.  

“Yeah, you’re right, it’s not really an excuse,” you say. “There are ways you can put out your own thoughts, you're not some silenced puppet that is controlled by a company. And like I said, it’s more than that, you weren’t there for me when I needed you most.”

“Because you left,” he says. “I came home to your bare room. I came home as soon as I found out what had happened and from what I could see you didn’t want to hear from me. I thought you wanted some space so I gave you that, and then when I tried to get hold of you, you didn’t want to hear from me.”  

He watches as you try to commute what he was saying. Your eyes focused on your hands where your fingers pick at the skin around your nails. He can see that you had genuinely believed that he would have left you in that situation, that he wouldn’t have tried to be there for you and his heart almost crushes under how he must have made you feel, regrets every decision he made.  

But as the silence extends, he feels a small glimmer of hope, you no longer snapping back at him or cutting off his words. His arm reaches across the table and a hand is placed over yours, stopping your fingers from picking at your nails. You don’t push his hand away, secretly enjoying the feeling, but your eyes remain on the hands rather than looking up at the man.  

“I miss you,” he says. “I miss coming back to the flat and seeing a bright post-it note on the side. I miss eating your food, even if it’s not always that best,” he squeezes your hand to show he’s joking, and for the first time a genuine smile comes to his face at your reaction. “I miss talking to you, even if it just over text. I miss your smell around the flat. I miss having days off from work and hanging out with you around the flat. I miss kissing you. I miss waking up to you in my bed. I just miss you,” he says with a small sigh.  

You are shocked by his words, not expecting him to have said any of that, especially while holding your hand. You hadn’t expected to come and forgive Hoseok. Weren’t expecting to feel anything but anger. But you had fooled yourself into thinking that the feelings you had for him were only skin deep. But over the short time you had known him he had managed to worm his way into your life like no one ever had.  

As you sit in silence, Hoseok starts to grow nervous, worried his words had done more damage than good. He starts to take back his hand, releasing yours from his grip, but you hold onto it before it can get too far. His eyes look up at you and you can see the shock.  

“I’m sorry,” you say, and though you pause to try and hold back the emotion threatening to spill out Hoseok doesn’t say anything and waits for you to carry on. “I ran because I was scared. And I didn’t want to talk to you because I was scared. And I pushed you away because I was scared. And I thought it was for the best, for both of us to move on and forget everything. And I’m still scared. But I think maybe I was wrong.”  

Hoseoks hand grips yours tighter and you get some comfort from the feeling.  

“I’m scared too you know?” He says and you look at him, seeing the sincerity in his words. “And I haven’t been perfect through this. We both made bad decisions through this, but we’re here now,” you nod slowly at his words, agreeing with what he was saying. “I get if you don’t want to, and maybe it's too soon, but you know that the room is still there for you to move back into.”  

You had kind of expected him to say this at some point during the meeting, though you had imagined he would be pleading more than he currently was. What you hadn’t expected was that you would almost want to take him up on the offer. You had thought you had come to terms with the fact that you would never step back into the flat again, yet here you were wanting to move back in.

“There’s no rush,” he says, his thumb slowly stroking the back of your hand. “But I would really love you to come back. I do really miss you.”  

Looking down at Hoseoks thumb rubbing against your skin you think back to all the times that Lily had told you off for overthinking. Having tried to head her words, as overthinking was a trait you didn’t like about yourself, you look back up at Hoseok.  

“Ok,” you say.  

“Ok?” He questions, shocked and needing clarification.  

“I’ll come back to the flat,” you say and the all too familiar smile spreads across his face and it was like the sun had arisen, everything seeming to be brighter. “I’ll move back, but things will be different. I can’t just jump back to how we were, it will take me time to trust you fully again,” you warn.  

The smile doesn’t falter at your words, Hoseoks head nodding firmly in agreement. “Of course, I would expect nothing else,” he says.  

With that he stands up from his chair and you are confused until he starts to round the table towards you. Taking the hands he had just dropped, he pulls you up, encompassing you in hug. Your head pressed firmly into his chest, his leaning down so his nose presses against your scalp, you almost felt you were home.  

“I did really miss this,” he whispers into your hair.  

“Seems like you two have made up,” Jimins voice sounds out and you can almost hear the smugness that his plan had worked out.  

Pulling yourself out of Hoseoks arms you give him one last look, a smile finally coming to your face, as you turn to Jimin.  

“Just about,” you say.  

The second time you move into the flat your flatmate is there to great you. Much like the first time, Lily and Eddie help you carry all your belongs. But this time, instead of being greeted by an empty flat, you are greeted by Hoseok.  

“Hey,” he beams as he opens the door to you, holding it wide so you can all shuffle in. “Hope you found the place ok,” he jokes.  

“We got a bit lost in the lobby, shitty instructions given by the owner,” you joke back, happy that the two of you are at least back to some form of normality.  

“My apologise,” he continues to smile as he takes some bags off of you, heading towards your room. “At least you’re all here now. Do you want a drink or anything?” He asks as you all place your bags in your room.  

“I’ll have a tea,” Lily asks, Eddie agreeing with her.  

“I’ll make a pot,” Hoseok says. “Yoongi is in the living room. Go through and I’ll bring it all in.”  

“I’ll help,” you say, not letting him dispute as you walk to the kitchen.  

Hoseok joins you in the kitchen, and though you are both busy boiling the kettle and getting mugs out the cupboard, you enjoy just being around him.  

“I’m happy to have you back,” Hoseok breaks the silence in the room, when nearly everything is ready.  

“It feels a bit weird, but I’m happy to be back too,” you admit, deciding you wanted to be more open with your feelings around him.  

“You don’t need to worry,” he says, and the small step he takes towards you doesn’t go unnoticed.  

“I hope not,” you stare at him as he takes another small step towards you.  

Now within touching distance, Hoseoks hand comes to rest on the counter just in front of yours on the counter.  

“I did really miss you,” his voice is soft and he is staring at your hand as his inches ever closer.  

“You’ve mentioned that once or twice,” you would laugh if the tension in the room wasn’t so high.  

His finger finally comes into contact with yours and it’s like a spark runs through you. His hand encompasses yours and his thumb slowly strokes the back of your hand. Even though you look down at your entwined hands, you still see him step closer to your body, your chests almost touching now.  

“The teas ready, we should take it through,” you whisper, still looking at your hands.

“Yeah, we should go,” his voice is just as quiet as yours.  

Neither of you make any attempt to move. You finally look up into Hoseoks eyes, only to find he is already looking at you.  

“Can I kiss you?” Hoseok asks.  

Yours eyes widen in shock at the words. “I- I- I don’t,” you stutter slightly and a smile comes to Hoseoks face as he notices the effect he is having on you. “I don’t want to get hurt,” you admit. “Don’t want to rush into anything.”

Hoseoks hand leaves your hand so he can sweep some hair from off your face.

“Don’t overthink it,” he echo's the words Lily always says to you. “But if you don’t want to, then don’t feel like you have to.”

You remain quiet whilst you think over his words. His hand remains on your face and you continue to look into each others eyes.  

“But I want to,” you whisper.  

The smile that was on his face grows and he starts to lean into you. You close your eyes as his lips finally touch yours.  

Finally pulling away, you suddenly feel shy and smile at the ground. His hand comes under your chin and lifts it up so that you have to look him in the eye.  

“I’m so glad you’re back,” he says, eyes flicking between your eyes, finally resting on your lips. Leaning in for one last kiss he says, “let's take the tea through.”

Taking a step back he picks up the tea and some mugs, you help by picking up the remaining mugs. Following him through to the living room you finally feel like you are home. Happy when you see your friends talking happily with Yoongi, laughing when Hoseok makes a joke as he enters the room. Glad that you decided to move back in, even if things were hard, you knew that Hoseok would be there for you and would help you through it all. Deciding that it was one of the best decisions to be his flatmate.  

#hoseok #bts hoseok #jung hoseok #j hope #jhope #bts jhope #jhope bts #j hope bts #hoseok fluff #hoseok fic #hoseok x reader #hoseok x y/n #hoseok angst #hoseok fanfic #hoseok smut #hoseok one shot #hoseok series #hoseok drabble #hoseok imagine #hoseok scenarios #jhope x y/n #jhope imagines #jhope fic #jhope x reader #jhope smut #jhope fluff #jhope fanfic #jhope fics #bts #bts fic

[nishigo]

lunar new year. // todoroki shouto x reader.

lunar new year. // todoroki shouto x reader

hello! hope you have had a lovely day, here’s a little todoroki love for you all as the Chinese New Year starts tomorrow! much love to you all~

words : 1528

tw : none , fluffy fluff !

request status at time of post : open !

in which he failed the first time to convey his feelings, but luckily, he had another shot.

————

Todoroki glances at the small house, tilting his head softly as he glanced from the red packets in his hands to the soft glow of the candles guiding towards the backyard. He heard the chatter in the background, how everyone from class had joined together to celebrate the lunar new year. Although rarely celebrated in Japan, many of those in the area decided to support their Chinese neighbors and cheerfully greet the new year. It was also another reason to party, which no one could deny. Your parents had decided to go to their friend's house to celebrate, leaving you with just the house to yourself until tomorrow. It was smaller than most, however, after doing a small raffle, your name was drawn from the jar and here he was, in front of your home.

Todoroki has just gotten back from seeing his mother in the hospital, in which he had finished ranting to her about what would partake in the night. Of course he was nervous, you were the only person who could make him feel such a way. His mom reassured him that everything would be fine, but what if it was not? He shook his head, no time for that now. It is also where he got his red packets from, as everyone was forced to bring something as a token of cheer, whether it be food or games, and needless to say, the boy was not exactly poor. His mother insisted to stick to tradition, smiling at her son as he took them with a swift nod but slight concern. A sigh escaped his lips as he began to walk towards the back, hoping for the best as he kept a relatively cool demeanor.

Todoroki walked into your backyard and took in the sight. It has a large tree sprouting from the ground, lanterns of all colors, shapes, and sizes hanging with various symbols in both Chinese and Japanese wishing good luck for the new year. Bamboo lined along the white picket fence, little red banners hanging off their small branches with stars and more writing Todoroki did not recognize. All around the tree were small tables, and various red mats were sprawled around them for his friends to sit and talk, whether about school or how excited they were. A long table lined the side of the house, food decorating every inch of it. The smell of moon cake, rice, pork dumplings, and duck filled his nose, making his mouth water slightly as he walked closer. The whole place was brightly lit up, decorations of stars of gold and red painting his vision, along with various peonies, carnations, and orchids. It was amazing how much effort you had put into making this an enjoyable experience for all, and frankly, he was touched.

“It’s Todoroki!” The boy whipped his head around and looked at the owner of the voice, who happened to be Midoriya. He sported a red sweater and black pants, grinning from ear to ear. Actually, everyone was decked out somehow with the color, whether it be a simple bracelet to Kirishima, who had on a red outfit head to toe. Todoroki got pulled towards the food, where he finally saw you for the first time this night.

You had your hair brushed out and away from your face, eyes sparkling as you served food and made conversation with all of your friends. Your energetic attitude was contagious, and Todoroki could not help but smile at how cute you were when you were passionate about something. Sporting a red jean jacket and gold bracelets, earrings, and necklaces, you looked right at home as you explained to Iida what eating long noodles symbolizes to the Chinese. As he picked up a plate and began to grab some food, he caught your eyesight and gladly went up to him to talk

“Hey! Todoroki, I am so glad you could make it! And- Oh! Red envelopes? Here, let’s add them to the pile over here, I will be handing them out later after everyone settles down from the food.” You took them from him quickly, putting them into a basket full to the brim of various family names and money. Turning back around to face him, you paused as you opened your mouth slowly and began again.

“Hey, Todo, mind heading inside with me? I need to pull out some more food, looks like noodles and dumplings are running out.” Todoroki blushes lightly at the nickname as he nodded, watching as you made your way towards the back door and allowed him to slip in with you and towards the kitchen.

Trays of food were stacked on top of each other, still piping hot as he shuffled quietly behind you. You took a deep inhale, exhaling loudly as you took some trays and separated them from the rest, supposedly what was needed more outside. It was a bit weird for once, since both of you were quiet and there was no one else around. Maybe this was an opening, maybe he could-

“Take these outside for me, will you?” He retracted his outstretched arm, quietly sighing as he nodded and grabbed the various trays and doing obediently as he was told.

The night unpaused after that brief moment alone with you. His heart was racing inside his chest. Jeez, it’s as if you used his own fire quirk against himself, he was heating up just looking at you. He went on to sit at your table along with Midoriya, Iida, and Uraraka. He chewed his food silently, internally praising you for your delicious seasoning on the pork buns. With his cheeks stuffed, the conversation varied in the night, but all he could focus on was you. He saw words come out of your lips, but no response was made on his part. Just sitting by you was enough for him, and he was content with the positioning. It was bugging him, though, that he had not completed his final motive, and he only had a little time left to succeed.

The hours began to lengthen, and soon enough, people were starting to leave. You had handed out all the red envelopes and it was fun to see people jump for joy at how much cash they were getting. One by one, he watched as his classmates received a hug and a wave from you, holding various leftovers as the food coma was beginning to hit and drowsiness arose. He waved off his friends goodbye, cracking a small smile as he then turned around to see you working hard to get everything put away. With a large amount of pity from him, he sighed and began to help you pack up tables and stack mats. Lanterns were turned off one by one, and with a quick flick of his fingers, a frosty blast sent all of the candles out, nothing but smoke left.

Inside, you two panted as the effects of doing so much hit you all at once. Stretching slightly, you pulled your hair tie down and he watched as your face was cupped by your lovely locks. Now, since it was just the two of you and silence, he decided to break out. May his mother’s words be true, and with courage, he spoke.

“Y/N, a word?” You glanced back at him in small confusion, grinning from ear to ear as you shuffled close to him, signaling for him to continue.

“I missed it at the beginning of January, and I was meant to tell you that night. However, I never gained the courage to do so, so tonight…” He took a shaky inhale, glancing away softly as he pulled out a packet he had saved for you along with some deep red roses, making you stop in your tracks in awe.

“I wanted to try again, since the lunar new year is another beginning. Basically, I am here to say I’m in love with you. No, wait, scratch that, I’m infatuated with you. You make my head spin and makes me freeze up and melt at the same time. So, would you happen to want to become...a couple?” He repeated his phrase that he had said over a million times in the mirror, hoping that his words would be enough. He could not read your reaction for a second, but soon enough, tears began to flow out of your eyes as you nodded sweetly, taking his red envelope and flowers into your hands and quickly grabbing him into a hug. Although Todoroki did stumble a bit, he caught his balance and hugged back, a breath of relief flying into his lungs before he began to smile and bury his face into your neck shyly. A sweet blush overtook both your faces, and innocently, you pecked his cheek with the brightest smile in existence and he mimicked your actions back at you. Elated, exhilarated, overjoyed, you two were many things, but to describe it the best...

You both were over the moon as the ringing of fireworks popped in the background, signaling the start of the new lunar year and your relationship.

#chinese new year #todoroki shouto #todoroki shoto #shouto todoroki #shoto todoroki #boku no hero imagines #my hero academia imagines #boku no hero x reader #my hero academia x reader #bhna imagine #bhna imagines #mha imagine #mha imagines #todoroki imagine #todoroki shouto imagine #shoto todoroki imagine #shouto todoroki imagine #shouto imagine #todoroki x reader #todoroki shouto x reader

[theritualofourexistence]

Odes to Old Gods

I started this year intending to journal about things I survive. Then at the end of the year, I could look back on my challenges and think about them in a more positive way--wow, look at what I overcame! The plan was to document everything, both good and bad, so that I could think about them more as experiences and lessons learned than as... good and bad. 

Needless to say, I stopped keeping track of those things in April. 

Earlier this month, I pulled out the journal again to update the list. I ended up quitting on that too. 

I do think, though, that in a less chaotic year, thinking about my life this way would be good practice. So, here I am, sharing my list with you in the form of an end-of-year, wrap-up blog post. 

A few quick caveats: 

This year was hard for literally everyone except maybe Jeff Bezos. 

It is not healthy to compare challenges or struggles or suffering.

I am not sharing this because I am looking for sympathy... I believe that being vulnerable is a very important part of the human experience but we can all also use a reminder that we never really know all of what anyone is experiencing. We shouldn’t need that reminder to treat others with love... but the older I get, the more I think those reminders might be necessary.

Things I have survived in 2020:

- A bit of a stalking experience in January which has since been resolved.

- Losing my job, hunting for a new job, securing a new job, training for the new job.

- My first Harry Potter tattoo for my ten-year tattooiversary.

- The fires in Australia.

- An absolutely wonderful trip to NYC with my dad when I got to see both Beetlejuice and Hadestown and have an enormous strawberry cheesecake milkshake from Junior’s. 

- Losing Kobe Bryant.

- Parasite absolutely CRUSHING the Oscars.

- Having a really, really good visit with my grandparents in March before all hell broke loose. 

- Weinstein being convicted and sentenced.

[Everything after this point happened during a global pandemic.]

- Losing Grandmom. I was unable to attend her funeral and still have not had the chance to grieve this loss with my extended family. 

- Losing my health insurance.

- A Zoom party for my Grammy’s 80th birthday.

- Losing Breonna Taylor. And George Floyd. And so, so many others. This is the first year I have really committed to understanding the current race-related issues this country faces and BOY, do we have work to do.

- The stress but success of orchestrating a safe family trip so that I didn’t have to go an entire year without seeing my brother.

- Losing my shifts at my primary job due to virus-related concerns.

- Countless other family happy birthdays over Zoom.

- My 60-year-old mother returning to work face-to-face with a student population that largely ignores all virus-related guidelines despite her working tirelessly for months this spring to offer UHS providers an adequate work-from-home option. 

- Being diagnosed with hypertension.

- A nightmarish friend trip. Despite our best laid plans for a safe and healthy visit, Mother Earth decided to trap me 90 miles north of my best friends for 4 days. I eventually got to see them for about 12 hours and honestly, it was worth it. That is the only time I’ve gotten with them all year.

- Losing Ruth Bader Ginsberg.

- The selection of Amy Coney Barrett to the Supreme Court.

- Our sweet girl Clio being diagnosed with a seizure disorder and then coming down with a life-threatening upper respiratory infection. 

- Learning that my grandmother would be voting for Trump in the 2020 election.

- The actual election.

- Losing Rooster, my sweet, sweet boy.

- Learning that my uncle has been diagnosed with esophageal cancer.

- Missing Thanksgiving with my extended family.

- Getting really excellent holiday gifts for my favorite people.

- Missing Christmas with my extended family.

- Safely spending some holiday time with my immediate family.

That is FAR from everything. But I don’t have the energy? Capacity? Time? to sort through everything.

Here are the things from this year that I am still currently surviving:

- A global pandemic! And all the associated chaos. With my asthma and high blood pressure and obesity, I am considered high risk and am still not able to safely return to my primary job. 

- Hypertension! More on this later.

- Grieving Rooster. In the days after we said goodbye, I wrote a memorial that I will eventually share here. Psychology has recently analyzed data suggesting that losing a pet can be equivalent to losing a relative... I have never felt grief like this. It’s been over a month. I cry every night. 

- Managing Clio’s health. She is still adjusting to her seizure medication, which she gets twice a day, and is still on medication to help with lasting symptoms of the respiratory infection. She is fussy about food and her weight fluctuates a lot week to week. She is also a feral rescue who has only ever been handled by me, my mom, and our vet. If mom and I are ever going to vacation together again, we will need to find someone who can manage catching and pilling her twice a day... no easy feat. Fortunately, at the moment, vacations aren’t really a thing for either my mom or I and I am working hard to approach these concerns in a cross-that-bridge-when-we-come-to-it way.

----

This year has been overwhelming. The last two months alone have been overwhelming. And they would’ve been overwhelming without the added spice of a global pandemic. The number of Americans we have lost to this virus has doubled since I last posted here in mid-August. Some time this week we are likely to reach a point where we’re losing 4,000 Americans per day. PER. DAY. This year has been overwhelming.

----

There were some good things this year, of course. I am so, so thankful for all the time I got with my immediate family and the very brief but vital time I got with my friends. Fortunately I am only ever a text away from my closest friends and we are able to message pretty much every day. I am also extremely glad to have found a place in the fantasy enamel pin community. The family I’ve found in pin-land has carried me through some of my lowest points this year. I spent more time in view of the ocean than I typically do in a given year... even though much of that time was still riddled with anxiety. I did art this year. I read books this year. Some really important ones, in fact. If you read nothing else in 2021, read The New Jim Crow. I also got tattooed! I’m going to include those here because I think the significance of each reflects something interesting and important about all I have survived and am surviving this year.

----

In January, I got my first Harry Potter tattoo! My favorite quote from the entire series is delivered by Hagrid during the Triwizard tournament:

”What’s comin’ will come, and we’ll meet it when it does.” 

I got that incorporated into a tattoo. In January. 

Also in January I got a “Prisoner of Donuts” tattoo... because life just wouldn’t be manageable at all without donuts.

In March, I got a bird of prey carrying a book to represent one of my all time favorite poems, “On Thought in Harness” by Edna St. Vincent Millay. The final lines of that poem:

“Soar, eat ether, see what has never been seen. Depart, be lost, but climb.” 

In July, I was able to safely navigate getting a tattoo that symbolizes the saga told in The Lord of the Rings trilogy. LOTR is my first and oldest fandom and the story is still so, so important to me today. The lessons I learned from Tolkien when I was a kid also carried me through some of my hardest moments this year.

Also in July I got a Plumpy tattoo. That’s right. Plumpy. From Candyland. If you haven’t played the game in a while, you may not remember Plumpy. He’s one of the first characters you meet on the game board... and one of the worst cards to see when you’re close to winning the game. You could be three damn squares from the finish line and pull the Plumpy card and back to the beginning of the board you go. Plumpy is a really great reminder that even when we have no choice but to lose ground, we can gain that ground back again. And hey, once you pull the Plumpy card from the deck, you likely won’t see him again for a good long while. 

In October, I was able to safely navigate getting my second Harry Potter tattoo. Neville has always been one of my favorite fantasy characters and I chose to carry him with me permanently. His courage, despite so, so much bullshit, inspires me every day. I also got a nautical tattoo for my mom’s ancestors who came to this country and fought in the Revolutionary War. Just as my family has a long and proud history of fighting for what matters, I too will carry that banner, even if it looks very, very different in the modern age. My third tattoo of the appointment is a cuckoo holding playing cards, a nod to one of most important stories I’ve read: Ken Kesey’s “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.” This book has informed not just my personal journey with mental illness but my passion to work in the field as well. My final tattoo of my October appointment, less than a week before the 2020 election, is a weeping Lady Justice. 

----

This year has made me look critically at things I very comfortably ignored for a long time. I would hope that it has done the same for most of you. Very little if any of this year was easy for me... but the most important lessons are never easy to learn. I’ve spent this year more worried and more angry than I’ve ever been before... and all I hope to do moving forward is use that fear and that anger to make this country, this world, a better place. Miss me with your resolutions this year. Every single day we should prioritize surviving and treating others with understanding and active love. I worked hard to do that this year and I will continue to work hard to do that every day. I’m proud of the work I’ve done. And in case it wasn’t clear, I’ll be dragging as many of you as I can on this journey with me. If you really feel the need to make a resolution this year, resolve to learn. Resolve to understand. Resolve to read The New Jim Crow and then TAKE ACTION. Take action with your votes and your voices and your money. Resolve to act.

----

This year wouldn’t let me escape it without being put on blood pressure medication, despite my best efforts to lower my blood pressure without it. Although I had gotten back down into a healthy range for a few weeks, RBG’s death and the landslide of utter shit that followed that completely wrecked all the progress I had made. I’m not happy about adding a new medicine to my regimen. I’m not happy about adding a new chronic diagnosis to my already lengthy laundry list. I did not expect 30 to look like allergy pills and three daily moisturizers and foot stretches and Metamucil and acid reducers and migraine medication and iron supplements and six prunes a day and chronic pain and blood pressure medication... but here we are. I’m exhausted from working so hard to be healthy just to have all that work not be enough. I feel very much like my body is giving up on me... and that is a feeling I am struggling with a lot right now. My soul is a vibrant but powerless passenger in a car speeding towards the edge of a cliff.

I’ll keep trying though. I start my new medication tonight. Hopefully it helps. Hopefully the side effects are manageable. I don’t really feel like I can handle much more... but I guess we keep going until we can’t.   

----

I have no expectations for 2021 to be better. I don’t have much hope for it to be better either. This vaccine will saves lives and that’s really good news. But a lot of other things will be difficult, will stay difficult, will become difficult. I’m going to try to keep fighting, and I hope you do too. 

“What’s comin’ will come, and we’ll meet it when it does.” 

#Happy New Year #end of the year wrap up #summary #year summary #mental health #high blood pressure #Hypertension #loss #grief #challenges #success #keep fighting #quotes #Hagrid #Harry Potter #poem #one flew over the cuckoo's nest #edna st. vincent millay #on thought in harness #ken kesey #plumpy #candyland #Neville Longbottom #tattoos #family #friends

[n0-eyedtaissa]

Lethal Charm: Introduction (Serial Killer!Reggie Mantle AU)

A/N: Hello!!! It’s here, it’s finally here! Posted on Halloween in true sPoOkY fashion, here is the introduction to the fic I’ve been pouring over for so long! Loosely Based on the movie ‘Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil, and Vile’ as well as the real-life crimes of HORRIFIC serial killer, Ted Bundy. 

Disclaimer: This story is in no way intended to romanticize Bundy or his crimes, all details about victims and their death have been tweaked and changed out of respect for the deceased + as a loose attempt to follow canon. 

Warning(s): Mentions of death and violence, I will update warnings as the story progresses. 

(banner image and literally MOST of the graphics for Lethal Charm were made by my best friend, @thebetterjonesboy​, who has been nothing but encouraging during this process!)

Veronica sits tight as the guards go to fetch Reggie from his holding cell. It’s cold and grey, with a thin film of dust over the scratched metal table and the glass. It’s an ugly place for ugly people, the kind of people who commit grotesque crimes with enough pride to actually take credit for them in court. There’s a sinister bubble of guilt waking up in the bottom of Veronica’s stomach, a certain restlessness that takes up shop deep in her bones every time Reggie Mantle found a way to occupy her thoughts. Veronica nervously runs her hand over her thighs, holds her knees in place to stop them from shaking. Wills herself to untangle herself from his web, tells herself that this is the last time. 

This was the last time. 

There’s a metallic buzz as the door opens, a loud and heavy sound complimented by the jangling of Reggie’s chains as he shuffled into the room. The minute he sees her his gaze is locked, he doesn’t break eye contact as the guard freed him of his restraints. Reggie clears his throat, takes a second to marvel at Veronica through the warped glass partition. He examines the effects of time, feels a twinge of something like remorse as he looks into her hard brown eyes. 

He always loved Veronica’s eyes. Loved to stare down into them when he was on top of her, encasing her body with his. Loved watching them glow golden under the sun, like when he had bought Lacey that kiddie pool she’d been begging for that summer. Veronica was beaming when he came home with that thing thrown over his shoulder, laughed with her head back the entire time Reggie stood in the front yard filling the thing up with water. 

“She looks at you like you’re the one who hung the damn sun” 

Any glimmer of hope was gone and Reggie knew it. But she was here, she came to see him…that had to mean something, right? Reggie fumbles for the phone receiver, gestures for Veronica to pick up the one on her side of the glass. 

“That's a beautiful ring,” Reggie smirks, not bothering to hide the obvious hurt in his voice that Veronica wasn’t wearing the ring that he given her all those years ago. Veronica chooses to ignore the comment, but still finds herself spinning the thin gold band idly around her finger. 

“Do you remember the night we met?” Veronica scoffs as she thought of the moment she used to cherish. The old college bar, the perpetual smell of stale beer. Reggie’s last quarter. Crimson and Clover.  “You started all of this with lies, Reggie, have you ever been honest with me about anything?” 

“My love for you was never a lie,” He replies with so much certainty that it sounds almost combative, like he was trying to prove it’s truthfulness to both Veronica and himself. “I remember the moment I first saw you, Ronnie. I fell in love with you in that very moment” There’s a tug at Veronica’s heartstrings as she listens to Reggie’s pleadings. He always knew how to hit where it hurt.

“We may have started with lies, but we’re not ending with lies. I need to hear the truth from you, Reggie. You owe me that” 

Reggie grits his teeth, “How could you think I could do something like this? Really, Ronnie, do you not know me at all? I’d never think of laying a hand on you, or raising my voice at you, I told you, Ronnie, I’m never gonna be like my father.” His voice quivers and he pulls the receiver away from his ear and presses his hand to the cold glass. “I would never hurt a woman. I wo—“

“I’m the one who gave your name to the police. It was me”  Veronica had to blurt it out before she lost the courage to. The words escape her lips and there’s a palpable shift in Reggie’s whole being. His persona deflates, ego knocked down a few pegs. His eyes are burning holes into Veronica’s own as he silently urges her to explain herself, to test her and see if she can talk herself out of such an act of betrayal. 

“It was 1974,” Her eyes float around the small confines of the cinder block room as she tried to find something to fix her gaze on that wasn’t Reggie. “Right after that sketch was put in the paper, the man at Lake Sammamish, the one who used a fake cast to lure two young women into his Volkswagen bug” Veronica meets Reggie’s gaze when she mentions the vehicle, she narrows her eyes at him…Gotcha. She leans back in the chair and exhales a breath she didn’t realize she’d been keeping. “You know, I made sure that you would never find out that it was me that called; asked the cops, hung up right before they could take down my information.” Veronica chuckles, but nothing here was funny. “I thought I ruined your life with that call to King County, I felt so guilty because my call opened you up as a suspect for all of these other cases. For years I’ve carried this burden, but it’s not my weight to bare, Reggie. It’s yours.” 

Reggie leans forward in the metal chair, coiling the phone chord between his antsy fingers and wishing it was a lock of Veronica’s dark hair instead. “Why do you blame yourself?” His eyes were dark and unreadable, Veronica used to crave nothing more than being able to figure him out. 

“I blame myself because I trusted you.” Veronica’s voice broke again in the way that meant she was on the verge of tears. “I blame myself because I could’ve saved some of those girls…I’ve made myself sick turning over the ways I should’ve seen this coming, but I’m through with feeling your guilt for you.” 

Reggie pulls the phone receiver away from his ear, putting some distance between himself and the sting of Veronica’s words. There’s a beat of silence before Veronica speaks again, louder this time, a product of her patience wearing thin.

“Did you do these things, Reggie?” 

Despite the overbearing number of people who were under the assumption that Reginald Mantle was a cold-blooded murderer, his faith in himself never wavered. “Of course I didn’t. Of course not.” It was his longest-lived lie to date, hell, he thought that part of the fun was seeing how long he could draw this whole process out for. 

Veronica glances over her shoulders, meeting hungry eyes of the burly-chested guards who were itching for a reason to pull Reggie away at a moment’s notice. “There are detectives from seven different states out there waiting for you. Arms full of case files, expecting your confessions.” 

“I didn’t do anything, I can promise you that,” His lips pursed like he was keeping a secret. 

“If you didn’t do anything, then why are you planning on telling them that you did?” Veronica pauses as she tries to fit all of the pieces together. “You’re trading the confessions to buy yourself more time” 

Reggie raises his eyebrows, impressed that she came to such a grand conclusion so quickly. “It’s the only way I can save my own life” He slams his fist down on the table and Veronica jumps back despite the thick glass of the partition that was separating the two of them. “They’re gonna fry me any day now. The electric chair’s got my name on it, can you blame me for feeding them what they want? It’s all bullshit, but this is all gonna end soon” He clenches and unclenches his fist until his knuckles go white, like he’s frustrated that Veronica hasn’t given in to believing in him. 

Veronica nods against the now-warm phone receiver, the plastic growing slick in her clammy hands. “You’re right, this is all going to end soon. And it’s gonna end with the truth. Did you do it?” Her question was growing more pointed and Reggie was growing more frustrated.

“No.”

“Midge Klump, that poor girl from the University of Washington, did you do that?” 

“No,” Reggie shook his head fiercely.  

“That girl from Utah, the one who couldn’t even stand to be in the same courtroom as you?”

“No,” 

On the other side of the glass, Reggie smirks at Veronica. It’s a sick sort of gaze, a smile with no teeth that’s laced in bad intentions. “Oh Ronnie,” His tone is condescending, as if making Veronica doubt herself was proving to be the only defense mechanism he had left. “It’s clear that your visit isn’t for pleasantries, so I have to apologize for not adhering to your sad agenda.” 

His mind games weren’t working this time, and Veronica continued to stand her ground, prepped with the names of even more of Reggie’s victims. “Those girls in Florida? From the sorority” 

“Absolutely not,” Reggie’s answer was too quick, he was gunning to make Veronica believe in his innocence but it was obvious that she was too far-gone, no longer locked in his clutches. 

Veronica gulps again, glancing down to the sheet of parchment paper she had tucked in a manila folder. “One of your victims was a child, Reggie. Juniper Blossom. She was twelve! And I let you go out with Lacey! I let you take her out for ice cream, let you drive her around in your car….” Veronica’s face wrinkles in disgust as she marveled at the horrors of what could’ve been. 

“I DID NOT DO THESE THINGS, VERONICA!” Reggie yells, smacking his flattened hand against the dusty glass window separating them. Veronica didn’t flinch this time. 

“Did you ever want to do those things to me?” Veronica asks the question carefully, panicked, as if this were the first time she thought about the chances of herself becoming the victim. 

Reggie chuckles into the phone, he can hear her breathing grow heavier on the other end as she awaited a response. He sighs, running his cracked fingers through the mats of his greying hair. “I wish it was just you and me here, Ronnie. There’s a lot I could tell you, stuff we could really talk about…but there’s always people listening.” An icy stare is casted over his shoulder as Reggie gives one of the wardens a once-over before shifting his attention back to Veronica. 

“Are you telling me that you’re sick, Reggie? They’re all saying that you’re crazy, that something’s wrong with you…” 

“Back off!” Reggie grumbles again, slamming the phone down against the solid metal of the phone booth. For a second Reggie recognizes the look that crossed Veronica’s face, fear.  She pulls the receiver away from her ear, sets it down, and for a moment Reggie thought she was preparing to get up and leave. 

Her breathing is slow, in through the nose and out through the mouth. Count to ten. Ground yourself. She can hear the echoes of her mother’s words in her ears, Archie’s. “This ends today, Reggie. I gave you my truth and now you need to do the same for me.” She can feel the tears threatening to spill over but Veronica bites them back, not wanting to give Reggie the satisfaction of seeing her break. She stops for a moment, takes a stuttered breath through her teeth,“All of these years I’ve been drowning. Drowning in the papers and the reporters, drowning in the guilt, drowning in you, Reggie”

Veronica maintains eye contact with the man sitting behind the glass, behind the bars. She searches to see if she can find an ounce of humanity left in Reggie’s gaze. A bit of his soul, if he ever had one to begin with. “I need you to pull me out of this whirlpool, it’s been killing me for years, Reggie. For years. Every time I think I can swim out of it, there’s another wave to shake me… and you’re there holding me back down.” 

Reggie watches Veronica’s heart break and then his own. His body tenses, a shockwave to his system. His body is awash with sensations that he can’t seem to place; an ache in his chest, an unnerving sourness in his gut. A hot tear is running down his cheek but Reggie doesn’t care enough to wipe it away. 

“Not you too, Ronnie,” His voice breaks and for a moment, Veronica thinks that Reggie looks almost human. The man clutches onto the tight coils of the phone receiver, wishing that there didn’t have to be glass separating the two of them. “You promised you’d never leave me, do you remember that?” Reggie thinks back to an easier time, back when Veronica and everybody else was still under his spell. 

He puts his palm flat against the glass in hopes that the woman he thought he knew so well would touch her hand to the glass as well. “We had our whole lives planned out together, didn’t we? We were gonna get married, we were gonna get ourselves a big house on the sound; with a big ol’ backyard for Lacey and the dog to be able to play.” Reggie can’t help but chuckle, nostalgia was a hell of a drug.

Wiping a tear away, Veronica sets down the receiver in order to pick up a big manila folder hidden under her pocketbook. It takes her a moment to open it and she can’t help but think of all the times when Reggie laughed and called her long nails a hindrance to her mobility before opening whatever it was that she was struggling with. She struggles to even out her breathing before picking up the phone again in order to continue her last-ditch action interrogation. 

“It took me over ten years to be able to look at this photo…” Veronica starts off cautiously before flipping over the thick cardstock material of the photo paper and slapping it against the partition. “What happened to her head?” 

This was one of the more grisly photos from the police. A headless torso, swollen legs clad in blue jeans, naked from the waist up. The corpse is discolored, with lividity setting where the blood pooled under the skin of the body’s naked back. 

Veronica hears Reggie draw in a sharp intake of breath, clearly shaken up at the visual. “The police said that they found her in the woods…” Reggie smooths over his hair with his hands, pushing the wiry flyaways out of his eyes. “It’s completely possible that animals could be responsible for something like this—” Before the man can continue further, Veronica interrupts: 

“Animals don’t do that!” 

“I’m not a bad guy….” Reggie whispers into the receiver and that’s when he realized that he had lost. The game was over. There was no one left to convince that he was innocent. He stares idly at an etching in the table, a way to fix his gaze and collect himself, to be able to put on the mask of kindness and charm that he’d lost control of all those years ago. 

“You need to let me go, Reggie. Let me let you go.” Veronica loses her composure for a moment, her slender fist coming down angrily against the table and knocking a tube of lipstick out of her pocketbook. 

Reggie doesn’t answer so she asks again: “What happened to her head?” 

Neither of them speak for a moment and soon Reggie finds himself setting down the phone receiver, leaving Veronica in a static-buzzed silence. He thinks for a moment, his strong brow furrowing as he contemplates. Just as Veronica starts to lose her patience, before she was ready to get up and turn her back on Reggie Mantle for the last time, he moves. Looking at the dust-covered window panes that separated the two of them, he took his finger and spells something out in the layer of grime. As soon as she reads the message, Veronica can feel the bile rising up in her throat. In a panic, she gets up from the call station, trying to hold back tears and vomit, to keep any last shroud of dignity she still had. She pounds on the glass so the guards can let her out, not bothering to send a final glance at Reggie from over her shoulder. He shudders and wipes his eyes before smearing his hand over the window, obscuring the letters he had just spelled out. 

H-A-C-K-S-A-W

#fic: lethal charm #southsidearchive #reggie mantle au #reggie mantle fic #veggie au #riverdale veggie #reggie x veronica #veronica lodge fic

[fishcakedoodles]

Love Viruses

Words: 1.645

Rating: K+ (I think? If I get it wrong let me know!)

Pairing: NaruHina, mention of SasuSaku and SaiIno

College AU

I got inspired by this post, precisely the 4th point, and I felt the need to put my idea down.

This is my first ever writing in English I publish online. I've never been really good at English writing, always made a lot of mistakes (as for a foreign language: this is not my native tongue). I hope this will be appreciated by someone anyway.

I try, during almost 2 months, to fix any grammar error and make the story more flowing, but I reached the point of can't recognise any mistake nor possible fixing anymore. I'm sorry if it's a little cracky.

If anybody has grammar corrections, suggestions and explanation about why I get wrong some part (about English), I would be really happy to know them :)

______________________________________

It happened again.

She hoped her little sister would have learnt the lesson last time. It was the seventh time Hanabi downloaded those daft games from the internet, causing her computer to crash, and this is the fourth times in a week she need to go to the IT department in order to fix her problem.

Not that is something completely unwelcomed.

Indeed, there is a silver lining in this situation that she would never have expected.

There is a student into his second year, who helped her the first time she came searching for some kind-hearted soul, and she got stricken by him. His big, warm and charming smile disoriented her so much that she couldn't thank him properly, she just managed to shyly nod after he fixed her laptop and almost stumbled into the many cables on the floor in the process to run away. She felt so embarrassed she would rather run naked in the campus courtyard than see him again. But fate had never been on her side.

The following times, at least, she got by with a murmured "thank you", looking down at her feet, and paired with the reddest face she ever reached. However, the blond boy have always been really gentle and sympathetic, and her response seemed to be enough for him all the time, because he displayed others of his majestic smiles, turning her mute again every time. She would never think someone could make you fall this hard just with a grin, nevertheless here she is.

Thus, this time, the fourth she got to visit him in just one week, she must manage to say something more to him, not just "laptop", "virus", "sister" nor a simple "thank you".

She must be resolved.

When she get to the IT room, where he usually would be, she start to doubt herself. N-no! I can handle it, I promise myself to not run away anymore! Brace yourself Hinata, you can do it. She lecture herself, an habit developed during many years of shyness and self doubt, and after a few more seconds she knock on the door.

Just when her last knock ended, the personification of the sun open with a smile ear to ear"Hey Hinata!". She already feel the heat rise up to her face "H-hello Naruto-kun" she said, looking down to her feet.

"Another virus?"

"Uhm" she nod with a light blush onto her cheeks. Stop blushing! Stay focused! "I'm sorry to disturb you one more time Naruto-kun"

"Don't worry! It happens a lot, especially if you share your computer with other people." He said with is kind voice.

"Yeah, I think that is true."

"Let's check it, can I?" he offers his hand to her, obviously asking for her laptop, but she only stares at it, dreaming to hold it right away.

Perhaps she stared for too long, because sapphire eyes are looking at her, puzzled, and maybe a little worried?She come to her senses, ashamed for her rude behaviour "O-oh! Y-yes, s-s-sorry, I didn't mean to. I-I was spacing out." Stop stutter!

"Yeah don't worry! It happens to me a lot too!" and he beams even more fiercely than before, making him look like a happy fox.

She totally have the hots for him.

She gave him her case, hoping her hold habit to tremble when nervous don’t show up.

When the computer has turned on, he race his fingers on the keyboard, rapidly looking all folders and applications through. She watch him make his magic to fix her device, and she is enchanted by his skills, bewitched by his efficiency and precision. It is—

It is a strangled moan that take her out from her thoughts.

High, choked, sexual noise which reminds too much that english rock band her sister used to listen when she attended middle school.

If only her seat could swallow her all, she would be happier than being here in this awkward moment.

Even if his fingers fly over the keyboard, all the process seem to flow in slow motion to her, buttons too heavy to come up quickly. Few seconds, more similar to hours, passed, and finally the boy closed all banners and cancelled all viruses in her laptop.

She would never, EVER lend it to her sister again.

Once done with the cleaning, Naruto appear unquestionably troubled by the actual situation, and she can empathise with that. She can feel the uncertainty, the fear, the worry for any possible motion.

And so she decided to move.

In one fluid gesture, she stand up, take the PC without put it in its case, and try to make a run for it, only to be caught off guard by a big hand on her harm. She turn, wide eye seek the reason for this action, and she attempt to find an excuse, an apology, to leave soon as possible in order to avoid any more mortification.

But he speak first, and what he vocalise is not closely what she anticipated

"I wanted to ask you out today. I planned to do it after I fixed your laptop, because I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable if you wanted to reject me… I wanted to ask it last time, and the time before too.. but I couldn’t find the right words and– Maybe you’re thinking I’m a pervert by asking you out right after what happened, but really! I-I’m not that kind of guy, believe it! You’ll find out it if we hang out! If it make you feel more at ease you can make a friend come with us.”

When his babbler stopped, she couldn’t do anything but gawks at him, speechless. He take it as a bad sign evidently, because his immediate reaction is to draw back his hand from her wrist and look away.

This is like a dream, something she hoped to, but never dared to expect. This is the perfect occasion, the perfect turn of events to accomplish what she desired to do since he came into her life.

And she's letting it slip through her fingers.

When she finds the courage to utter her thoughts, a male voice speak with her

"Maybe this was–"

"I'd like to."

"...Really?"

"..Yes." she says softly with a small smile and rosy cheeks. When her answer completely settle in his mind, a light pinky dust color his face.

------------------------------------------------------------

“Konohamaru.”

“Mh?” the dark haired boy respond lazily, while dusky eyes looked up from their position to meet sapphirine ones.

Really enraged sapphirine ones.

“What’s the problem, Naruto nii-san?”

“Can you explain me how those porn viruses we created for Ero-sennin lesson end up in Hyuga’s personal computer?” he try to sound commanding, but ended with an acute voice on the ‘Hyuga’ that almost make Konohamaru laugh, but he manage to control himself.

“Which”

Naruto look at him, a little bit of the anger slipping from his eyes, and he ask completely perplexed “Which what?”

"Which Hyuga. Because, you know, there's three of them we met, so I can't know which one you're talking about"

At this Naruto look taken aback, and a faint blush appears on his face. "Well.. the female one."

Purposefully horrified, Konohamaru sputter "Nii-san, I didn't think you would be such a perv…"

"... What?"

"I know Hanabi is really cute and all, but you are quite old–"

"I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT HANABI" and he's not 'old'!

"... Oooh." A sly grin comes into the dark haired boy's face "do you mean… That Hyuga?" He says, with his pinky finger up. "The elder one? The one you're speaking about lately? The one with that undoubtedly nice big boo–"

"DON'T YOU DARE" Naruto shout out with a deafening voice, smacking forcefully the young man on his head. "Ouch!! That's hurt!" He whined, scratching his nape, "I didn't thought you'd be so caught by her in just 3 times.."

"To…To be accurate, this was the seventh time I've seen her."

"Oh, seventh?" the hitted boy say "I didn't track how many time I did that."

There is an heavy silence, tension hanging in the air. His observation was more a self speaking, but maybe he did it too loud, because after other few more seconds the blonde senior utter "So you DO are involved into this."

With no more escape from this situation, Konohamaru look sheepishly anywhere but Naruto, and only say "...Ups?"

"YOU put those stupid viruses on Hinata's laptop, didn't you?" The senior boy demand with an abrupt tone, not wanting to buy a shit from the younger man.

"Why the fuck did you do that?!" he finally shout out, is anger not in check anymore.

"BECAUSE YOU TWO WERE HOPELESS. You were dancing around each other for weeks, and we get sick of ear you two complain about it."

With a suspicious glare and an hesitant voice, the Uzumaki ask "...'We'? Who else is involved into this?"

And the other start blather "Well... Hanabi.."

"Of course she's involved–"

"And Sasuke and Sakura.."

"....."

"And Sai and Ino. Precisely, this was their idea."

"WHAT?!"

"They attended that class of Jiraiya with our 'exhibition'.. they thought it would've been a fruitful way to push you two together. Personally, I've always thought those two guys are fearfully twisted."

"... I can't believe they all are implicated. This was a terrible idea of yours"

"Well, it seems this terrible idea of ours worked, didn't it?"

"...."

"Didn't it?"

"I'm too mad at you to talk you about that." Naruto pouted, and is in time like this that Konohamaru feels like he's the adult one, not the other way round.

But he's too curious to let his pride mess things up.

"So, when do you two hang out?"

"...on Friday. We'll go to get a ramen and then–"

"Shit! I owe Sasuke 50 bucks."

"... You bet if I would get a date with her?!"

"That, and where you'd go on your first dinner together."

".... I hate you. All of you."

Fin.

#naruhina #naruto au #naruto uzumaki #hinata hyuga #naruhina fanfiction

[goingknowherewastaken]

Divine Me A Masterpiece Challenge

♦ About

Welcome to my 1000 follower challenge!!! With there being a lot of seasonal challenges right now I thought I’d do something a little different. I thought that maybe we should get in touch with magic that’s in the air right now ;)

So for this challenge we are looking at tarot! First I’ll go over the rules and expectations, then gloss over tarot, and finally round out this post with the characters and prompts. So let’s get started :D

♦ Rules

To Enter

You must apply through my ask box so no anons. If you are using a side blog and don’t want your main shown to the world tell me so in the ask and I will not post it publicly. 

Every entry needs to be inspired by a Major Arcana card and must be focused on a character or ship I listed.

Each card is limited to one person!

Entries must be sent by ask and will be posted publicly!

I have bonus prompts listed at the bottom of this post; you need to use at least one (1) and you are limited to three (3) total! Sentence prompts are all first come, first serve! The majority of the AU prompts have a two person limit.

What your ask should include - the tarot card you wish to claim, the character or ship you wish to write for, and 1-3 of the prompts/AUs I have listed (You need to use at least one from the list).

All angst must have a happy ending and no cis-swapping.

I am accepting - fics, fan art, moodboards, edits, and playlists (you need to make a cover for it).

Note: I work second shift so please don’t panic if I don’t respond in the afternoon/evening hours.

November 24th, 2018 - I currently am just shy of 1000 followers and will not be posting a due date for these until I get 1000 followers. I will tag all who entered when that happens.

When Posting Your Work

All entries are due on February 22nd, 2019. Please do not post before then.

Make sure to list - the character/ship you wrote for, any warnings, and if it is nsfw.

Tell me how you interpreted the card for your work.

Make sure to tag me @goingknowherewastaken and @jiminthestreets-bonesinthesheets (Ashley is my assistant during this challenge)

Please use this tag within the first 5 tags - #DivineMeAMasterpieceChallenge

If your work contains nsfw content please make sure to tag it accordingly.

Please send me the link to your work through my ask box!

♦ About Tarot

We’ve all seen the decks of cards with beautiful designs used for helping find possible answers to questions we may have, but not everyone knows what’s going on with them. I will gloss over the bare minimum of info here, but I encourage you all to read up on tarot if you are unfamiliar with it.

Tarot cards are used for uncovering possible answers to questions we have about our lives - from love to career. Cards can be drawn and placed in a certain layout (spread) and are then read in a specific order. They are meant for enlightenment and what they tell in the spread is not set in stone - they are cards and you can ignore their take if you wish.

There are two ways to read the cards depending on how they appear in a spread - upright and reversed (upside down). If the card is revealed to be right-side up you are to read the card as is and if it is reversed then it’s meaning is reversed.

Depending on the deck, the description of the card can vary slightly, but overall they are similar. Also, the meaning behind the card is affected by the other cards in the spread. For this challenge you will only have to worry about the card you selected.

Because there are in total 78 cards in a standard deck (divided between the Major Arcana and the Minor Arcana), we will only be using the Major Arcana which totals 22 cards.

Please read up more on the card you select!!!!!

The Tarot Cards (the words listed are just brief overviews of the cards that I gathered from Biddy Tarot)

Fool - @haveyouseenmymind 

Upright - beginnings, innocence, spontaneity, a free spirit

Reversed - naivety, foolishness, recklessness, risk-taking

The Magician

Upright - power, skill, concentration, action, resourcefulness

Reversed - manipulation, poor planning, latent talents

High Priestess - @frostingsfics 

Upright - intuition, higher powers, mystery, subconscious mind

Reversed - hidden agendas, need to listen to inner voice

The Empress

Upright - fertility, femininity, beauty, nature, abundance

Reversed - creative block, dependence on others

The Emperor

Upright - authority, father-figure, structure, solid foundation

Reversed - domination, excessive control, rigidity, inflexibility

Hierophant - @bsotstory 

Upright - religion, group identification, conformity, tradition, beliefs

Reversed - restriction, challenging the status quo

Lovers - @the-goddamn-queen 

Upright - love, union, relationships, values alignment, choices

Reversed - disharmony, imbalance, misalignment of values

Chariot

Upright - control, will power, victory, assertion, determination

Reversed - lack of control and direction, aggression

Strength

Upright - strength, courage, patience, control, compassion

Reversed - weakness, self-doubt, lack of self-discipline

Hermit - @auduna-druitt 

Upright - soul-searching, introspection, being alone, inner guidance

Reversed - isolation, loneliness, withdrawal

Wheel of Fortune - @kjs-s

Upright - good luck, karma, life cycles, destiny, a turning point

Reversed - bad luck, negative external forces, out of control

Justice

Upright - justice, fairness, truth, cause and effect, law

Reversed - unfairness, lack of accountability, dishonesty

Hanged Man

Upright - suspension, restriction, letting go, sacrifice

Reversed - martyrdom, indecision, delay

Death - @captainsbabysitter-blog 

Upright - endings, beginnings, change, transformation, transition

Reversed - resistance to change, unable to move on

Temperance

Upright - balance, moderation, patience, purpose, meaning

Reversed - imbalance, excess, lack of long-term vision

Devil - @bookcaseninja

Upright - bondage, addiction, sexuality, materialism

Reversed - detachment, breaking free, power reclaimed

Tower - @haveyouseenmymind 

Upright - disaster, upheaval, sudden change, revelation

Reversed - avoidance of disaster, fear of change

Star - @filatarcangelus

Upright - hope, spirituality, renewal, inspiration, serenity

Reversed - lack of faith, despair, discouragement

Moon - @resistance-is-futile81

Upright - illusion, fear, anxiety, insecurity, subconscious

Reversed - release of fear, unhappiness, confusion

Sun - @and-i-cant-resurrect-you 

Upright - fun, warmth, success, positivity, vitality

Reversed - temporary depression, lack of success

Judgement 

Upright - judgement, rebirth, inner calling, absolution

Reversed - self-doubt, refusal of self examination

World  

Upright - completion, integration, accomplishment, travel

Reversed - lack of completion, lack of closure

♦ Characters And Ships

Characters (for reader inserts)

Jim Kirk (AOS)

Leonard McCoy (AOS)

Spock (AOS)

Scotty (AOS or TOS)

Steve Trevor

Steve Rogers

Bucky Barnes

Clint Barton

Bruce Banner

Thor

Peter Quill

Skurge

Owen Grady (Jurassic World)

Nicholas Devereaux (The Princess Diaries 2)

Cinderella’s Prince (Into The Woods)

Bernie Webber (The Finest Hours)

Jack Ryan (Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit)

Toby Howard (Hell Or High Water)

FDR Foster (This Means War)

Dr. Alex Murray (A Wrinkle In Time)

Robert the Bruce (Outlaw King)(I can’t help it he’s too precious with Elizabeth!!)

Eomer

Vaako (The Chronicles of Riddick)

Gavin (Pete’s Dragon)

William Cooper (RED)

John Kennex (Almost Human)

Vincent Stevens (The Loft)

Kirill (The Bourne movies)

Ships

McKirk

WonderTrev

Jim Kirk x Eomer

Jim Kirk x Vaako

Jim Kirk x Scotty (Scirk)

Owen Grady x Charlie Weasley (from Harry Potter)(I know no one will use this ship but I have to have hope ya know?)

WonderKirk

Napollya (Napoleon Solo x Illya Kuryakin from (T.M.F.U.)

Merthur

I have expressed interest in other crossfandom ships in the past that involve one (or some) of the characters listed above so if you have an ship in mind ask me about it and I may grant an exception to it (no sp*rk though so don’t even try that)

♦ Other Prompts

Sentence Prompts (gathered from around tumblr)

“I…think I’m in love?” - @the-goddamn-queen 

“Are you scared? Don’t be. ‘ll protect you from today onwards.” @haveyouseenmymind

“It’s crazy, isn’t it? Two complete strangers who know nothing about each other being brought together like this.”

your car slid into a snowbank and i’m the mechanic that comes to tow you

i hate the holidays more than anything in the world and you drive me nuts because you love the holidays more than anything in the world and this is why we aren’t friends (enemies to friends to lovers hello)

i’m constantly dragging all my friends to your hockey games because i think you’re so much fun to watch and i don’t think you’ll ever notice me

you knit me a sweater for christmas and i realize i am in love with you @bsotstory 

your birthday lands on christmas so no one ever remembers except this year i’ve asked everyone to delay their holidays to throw you a proper birthday bash

I build a fort in the college courtyard and have been throwing snowballs at people passing by and you are not impressed

our first date is spent walking around our small town holding hands and talking as soft snow falls around us @resistance-is-futile81 

I mean life is full of surprises. You could find the love of your life tomorrow, but you could also wake up bald. @the-goddamn-queen 

Will you press pause on your SHIT for 5 minutes? @the-goddamn-queen 

“Let’s not confuse healthy eating with a hot dog.”

“I’m gonna lay down and die for like a half hour okay?”  @auduna-druitt

“So MacGyvering this out of my tuckus right now.” @captainsbabysitter-blog 

“I just did some calculations, and I’ve been able to determine that you’re full of shit.” @frostingsfics 

“You screw with me, I’ll screw with you.”

“i’m pretty good at providing distractions.”

“Why is there a picture of Steve Buscemi in your bathroom?!”

“These stars are nothing compared to the ones I’ve seen in your eyes.”

“Are you ready to dance with the devil?” @bookcaseninja

hey i just moved into the house next door and i just wanted to let you know that your dog keeps getting into my yard an - wait what? what do you mean that’s a cat????? that’s not a cat it’s fucking huge!!!! (turns out it is a cat, it’s just really big and fat) @haveyouseenmymind 

The postal worker delivered your package to my place accidentally and I was expecting something so I totally didn’t look before I opened it and… wow that is um… quite an interesting thing you bought and I’m here to return it

our dogs are in love with each other and it’s making things awkward at the dog park AU

I injured myself doing something stupid at a holiday party and you’re the doctor at the emergency clinic AU

I just moved into a new apartment and went to buy groceries, but I bought more than I could carry back. I’ve stopped to catch my breath when I hear someone asking if I need help and I look up and the sun is literally making you glow like a damn angel. @and-i-cant-resurrect-you 

where one person is actually famous and sets up a dating account with their real picture and the other sees it and is like, oh dude you are not fooling anyone with that picture and when they actually meet the other is pissed because DUDE YOU’RE THAT FAMOUS PERSON and the other is like, yeah, i mean, i thought you knew…

i have a soft spot for cats so i always feed the fat one that’s always hanging out in the hall with treats and now it started hanging around me fuck i’m so sorry i didn’t mean to accidentally steal your pet @filatarcangelus

“ur just a random stranger and i’ve been ranting to you for like 20 minutes about how much i hate this one band but now several groups of people came up to you asking for pics and autographs, and oh shit it turns out you’re in the band i’ve been going on about” au

You’re a famous viner and I constantly witness you doing the weirdest things AU

“I went to see you live in concert and was front row and you went into the crowd and I grabbed your hand, but started freaking out so much that I was touching you that I couldn’t let go to the point where security had to physically tear me away from you and now you’ve invited me backstage literally what” AU

AU Prompts (each of these (baring the Soulmate AU) has a two person limit)

Soulmate AU (there will be no limitations on this prompt) - @frostingsfics 

A/B/O AU

Shop AU -

Book shop,

flower shop,

bakery,

coffee shop/cafe,

ice cream shop,

boutique/antique store

Professors/Teachers AU

Wings AU - @bookcaseninja 

Supernatural Creature(s) AU

vampires,

werewolves,

fey,

shapeshifters,

Ghosts,

demons,

Angels

merpeople

Magic/HP AU - @haveyouseenmymind 

Celebrity/Famous Face/Hollywood AU

Fake Relationship AU - @captainsbabysitter-blog 

Youtuber/Viner AU

Circus AU - @kjs-s 

Roommates AU - @auduna-druitt

Historical AU

Fairy Tail/Disney AU

Spy/Secret Agent AU

Royalty AU - @and-i-cant-resurrect-you 

Classic Novel Pride & Prejudice AU

Tagging those interested: @musicmandy1991 (tumblr won’t let me tag you????) @haveyouseenmymind @outside-the-government @tardisoftheshire @bookcaseninja @miraclesoflove @exiledtime @cynically-optomistic @frostedej

#divinemeamasterpiecechallenge #star trek #marvel #wonder woman #tmfu #merlin #wondertrev #mckirk #wonderkirk #jim kirk #bones #napollya #merthur #eomer #i'm just tagging some of the bigger things but not all

[rannadylin]

So I've been knitting and crocheting for a bit and after seeing all your critroll panels I've finally gotten up the courage to learn to double knit! I'm working on a little banner of the Horde crest from WoW and I'm starting to get the hang of it and eventually I want to figure out a good size for panels and make a blanket with a bunch of logos and icons from all the games I like! So thanks for always posting what you're working on and giving other courage and inspiration! ^.^

That’s wonderful! Double knitting is so much fun (once your fingers figure out how to manage two strands of yarn at once, anyway; that part really does take getting used to...) and it’s ideal for colorwork where you need large sections of a row in the same color, since there’s no need to carry a strand along the back like in fair isle, *or* where you have to change colors frequently, since you don’t have to have separate pieces of yarn for each section of color like for intarsia. And the double-thick fabric makes a great blanket panel! (At least, I assume it will once I finish all these and sew them together...heh.) 

I’ve been getting about 12x12″ panels at my gauge, with worsted yarn on size 6 needles, 51 stitches and 78 rows, but of course the size you get depends on your gauge so starting with your banner you’re knitting now you should be able to figure up how many stitches to cast on for any size of panel you want. Good luck with your blanket, and have fun!

#knitting #double knitting #commandershepardvasfuckit

[jswdmb1]

Days Like This

“When all the parts of the puzzle 

start to look like they fit,

then I must remember 

there'll be days like this.”

- Van Morrison

Editor’s Note: I was asked for feedback on my season ticket holder experience by Mr. Brian Day, Director of Marketing & Ticket Operations, at Loyola.  In addition to filling out their standard survey, here is the text of my reply to his request.

Brian,

Thank you for your request for feedback on my experience as a season ticket holder for the men’s basketball season.  Every game that we attended was exciting and everyone that we brought along with us noted how much fun they had, without exception.  I would rank a Loyola game at Gentile Arena as the top sporting experience in the area when you consider the wonderful job put on by the staff and students along with the reasonable pricing of tickets, parking, concessions, etc.  It is a true affordable family fun experience where you walk out of the arena feeling good, even when the Ramblers come up short in the win column.

But reasonably priced entertainment is not the only reason I think it is valuable to be a season ticket holder.  As an alumni (BBA, ‘94), I know the values of the university run deep in the Chicago area.  Whether it be the doctors and nurses at the hospital, the students at the Lakeshore Campus, or the thousands of alumni out in the workforce, every one of us is trying to do our little bit to make this world just that much better.  Everyone who has been involved with the university as either a student or staff member has always known this, but it took last year’s Final Four run to share the secret with everyone else.  In a world that leaves many in doubt if there is any genuine good being done as the result of hard work and respect for others, here came along a team that showed us all that there are still lots of folks out there doing just that.  

I think that is why so many people identified with that team last year.  It was incredible to many people that there were student-athletes out there who worked hard in the classroom and on the court without any of the trappings of bigger named stars at more “prestigious” institutions.  I honestly believe I would have felt exactly the same about last year’s team even if I hadn’t attended Loyola; however, the fact that I did made it all the more special.  During a year that was very tough for me (may dad, BS ‘68, passed away a year to the day before the Final Four game), these guys gave me hope that all is not lost.  Long after the season was over, I would think back to the countless good memories that came last March and it really did get me through some days that still weren’t so great.  I will be forever thankful for that experience and the sacrifice the team made to provide it.

But, your request wasn’t about last year, it was for this year, and in many ways my experience during the 2018-19 was even more special.  I put my season ticket deposit down on the morning before they won the 2018 Arch Madness tournament, so I suspect I was towards the front of the line when seat selection came up.  I chose seats that I sat in for a game last year (Sec 105, Row C, Seats 1-4) as they were almost right on the floor on the baseline and provided an incredible view of the action.  We were there for the banner raising on opening night and I personally was at twelve more games (I’ll asterisk that as it should be thirteen but my wife wouldn’t let me travel from Lombard in 20 below weather for the Northern Iowa game).  Every game was wonderful, and we met so many people that were alumni, parents of students, or just fans, some of whom I knew from my days on campus, and others who became new friends.  It got to the point that as much as I liked the basketball, I just felt good seeing these folks and a packed gym on that beautiful campus.  Game days became almost a pilgrimage, which I know is dramatic, but much needed during a winter that sometimes had little excitement otherwise.

What really made the difference was watching this team.  I could not be happier for Coach Moser and his staff and players, particularly Clayton and Marcus.  I watched every minute of every game this year and I never saw one where anyone quit no matter how tough things got.  I was also impressed with the character of this team.  They had tremendous expectations put on them at the beginning of the season (including by yours truly), but we all forgot that these young men didn’t owe us anything.  Nevertheless, they took our hopes on their shoulders and did everything they could to replicate their previous success.  While that took a lot of courage, and the effort put on was admirable, I could see it in their faces as the season wore on that the weight of our love was tough on them.  That is when I realized that what these guys were doing was even more special than last year.  I stopped worrying about conference standings and RPI and all that jazz that comes with bigger programs and just started appreciating what was in front of me.  I realized worrying about the future took away from an enormously special present.  The last few games of the year, while still intense, proved me right as the team put on performances that I will savor for a long time regardless of where things go from here.

That made yesterday’s conference championship clinching all the more sweet.  While it was fun as a fan, it was special to see Clayton and Marcus go out on such a wonderful high note.  The post-game celebration on the court was so well done and I stayed in the arena as long as I could to savor every moment.  It was just as special as anything that happened last season, and in some ways even more so knowing what it took for those guys to get to this point.  The smile on everyone’s faces (even Coach Moser’s!) made every anxious moment along the way worth it.  And I think that will be what I take away most from this season - the past is in the past and the future will come no matter what, but the present is up to you.  I tried to spend every minute of yesterday’s game and post-game party remembering that and I don’t think I’ll ever forget it.

I know Coach Moser says they are not done, and I believe him.  This team is very good and has the potential for another big postseason run.  I’ll be in St. Louis routing the team on at their game on Friday and we’ll see what happens from there.  Still, I’ll be at that game knowing that no matter what, this season has been an incredible success and it was an honor being a very small part of it as a season ticket holder.  More importantly, I now know that the last two seasons have been a gift for a lifetime as it has reconnected me to the university in ways I would have never imagined.  As such, you can put me down right now for my renewal of season tickets for next year.  My goal for next year is perfect attendance in Sec 105, Row C, Seats 1-4, and look for me in my Loyola stocking cap, maroon and gold scarf, and early 90′s vintage jacket.  You can’t miss me, but if that’s not enough, then just look for the person with the biggest smile in the arena (maybe outside of LU Wolf).

Thanks and please pass along my congratulations to the team and coaching staff.

Sincerely yours,

Jim White, Class of 1994.

[torentialtribute]

Southampton 1-2 Cardiff: Late drama sees Zohore score injury time winner

For Cardiff City to secure their first consecutive top flights since April 1962, given the two weeks they have passed, nothing less than extraordinary.

The news that the body of Emiliano Sala was found in the wreck of the plane that crashed on the English Channel was broken to Neil Warnock

to Southampton and put three points to the side of the unbeaten were in the Premier League in 2019, emphasized the professionalism of Warnock and his players.

It was a courageous achievement that could prove invaluable in May. relegation zone and relief was written full-time about their manager's face.

What a panic aftertaste it was. Southampton took the 1-1 in the 91st minute, with Jack Stephens abolishing the opener of Sol Bamba, then substitute Kenneth Zohore made the 2-1 in the 93rd.

Warnock became wild, as did the players on the field and the staff on the sidelines.

& # 39; The blues stay on and now you're going to believe us & # 39 ;, the traveling blood defenders.

Against all expectations they can do that. & # 39; When we looked at the bookmakers this morning, we were 4/1 in a two-man race and nobody expected us to win, & # 39; said Warnock. & # 39; We were determined.

& # 39; Although we are limited, you can not question the characters or what my players have received under their shirts. They have bags of heart, my boys.

& # 39; You can not replicate when you retract that feeling when the final whistle goes, when that last goal falls. I will enjoy every minute while I am here. & # 39;

McCarthy 5 ; Bednarek 5 Stephens 5 Vestergaard (Elyounoussi 72, 6 ); Valery 5.5 5.5 5.5 Bertrand 5.5 [; 5 Yoshida, Austin, Elyounoussi ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Gallagher, Gunn, Targett, Slattery

Booked: Ward-Prowse, Romeu, Redmond

Purpose: Stephens 90 + 1

Manager: Ralph Hasenhuttl

CARDIFF (4-1-4-1): Etheridge 7 ; Peltier 7.5 Manga 7 Bamba 8 Bennett 7 ; Gunnarsson 6.5 (Bacuna 62, 6 ); Paterson 6,5 Arter 6,5 Ralls 6,5 Reid 6,5 (Zohore 62, 7 ]); Niasse

Neil Warnock

Bamba, Gunnarsson, Zohore

Objectives: Bamba 68, Zohore 90 + 3

]

<! –

Premier League

Premier League

Championship

League One

League Two

Scottish premiere

Scottish Div 1

Scottish Div 2

Scottish Div 3

League 1

Serie A

La Liga

Bundesliga

Ralph Hasenhuttl did not chop up his words afterwards.

& # 39; Forget such goals, we do not have a chance to stay in the Premier League, & # 39; he explained. & # 39; The way we gave away four points this week (we've also given a stoppage time equalizer to Burnley), we've rolled a big rock in our way and it will take a lot of work to remove it.

& # 39; It is a disaster. We have to sleep on it. It feels terrible. Maybe if we wake up tomorrow, it will not feel better, it will get worse. I do not want to make a drama, but we have to be very, very honest with ourselves. "

At the beginning there were touching obeisances to Sala, including a miraculously observed minute of silence and thousands of daffodils carried on the lapel of layers of supporters.

Cardiff defended stubbornly in St Mary & # 39; s Southampton enjoyed the lion's share of the property – 67 percent of Cardiff's 33 in the first half – but there was little end product.

He sprinted to the stands to drive away supporters to celebrate. It was worth the yellow value.

The board of the fourth official showed five minutes. from the downtime, and Southampton had a corner. The ball crept through the six-yard box and Stephens tapped it in the back post.

Just as it looked like it would be 1-1, Cardiff went for the victory. Harry Arter shot a shot before Victor Camarasa fed Zohore, who found the bottom corner

Cardiff's supporters left St Mary's sang the same song they had sung all afternoon, over the peak they never played a blue saw shirt see shirt. The players have contributed and paid homage to Kamer with this victory.

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#Southampton 1-2 Cardiff: Late drama sees Zohore score injury time winner"