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thiswontbeforever · 2 years

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What are your three favourite scenes in YR season 2? And why?

And what are the three most beautiful scenes in your opinion (if they are not among your favourite ones)?

hiii ty for sending an ask 🥰🥺

this is truly really difficult because season 2 was so packed but i’ll try to narrow it down. also this is definitely going to be biased towards what i personally loved vs like what were the technical best scenes/best for the plot

i think 3 favorites would be:

3. any of simon writing/singing but particularly the scene where he puts on wille’s sweater & starts to sing & write & then sees himself in the mirror. omar’s acting was absolutely phenomenal & but wrenching & i think it was an incredibly smart & well done scene in every way, even if it was also incredibly painful & led him to messaging marcus again bc it was so amazing to really see what simon was going through & the emotions driving his reactions.

2. wille’s scene that starts with him putting his earbuds in, looking at pics of simon, & then walking out to the lake. i cannot put into words the emotions i felt watching that the first time, with “lonely ones” playing. again, it was an incredible scene to show us wille’s state of mind & genuine loneliness consuming him. again, of course hate what it led to, but that scene was so so so beautiful shot & acted. it truly encompassed a lot of what they had been saying s2 was about & it made me feel & connect with yr just like simon’s scene did.

again, its so hard to narrow it down to 3 bc i loved so many scenes. honestly the first 4 minutes that we got is kind of forgotten about now because we talked about it so heavily when it came out before the show, but edvin acted the f*ck out of those scenes.

also the first ep party scene from the way wille challenges august to simon & wille seeing each other & interacting was truly incredible & absolutely one of my favorites.

the music room fight is another fav. i think simon said exactly what needed to be said & that it encapsulated them being teens going through all of this really well. simon defender to my grave that scene was important & necessary & well done on both omar & edvin’s end.

simon saying “they don’t have names.” was simultaneously iconic & comedic & also gut wrenching & so emotional bc we know what he was remembering, protecting.

1. is a tie. between like 3 scenes. i’m dumping all the wilmon scenes here. ep 4 kiss. i could sit here & talk about this forever. the way wille finally tries to let simon go, to recognize what simon has been telling him & asking for & finally putting aside some of his selfishness, to the look on simon’s face when he realizes what wille is finally granting him is not at all what he wants because it was others’ opinions that might’ve pushed him towards trying to forget when that was just never gonna be an option. to him calling after wille, wille almost not believing he heard right, to the “everything just got so messed up between us” “i know” but it was never what was between them that was wrong or the problem, it was everything around them and they immediately show that with the kiss that is all simon’s choice, wille gives him the lead, and the LOOKS on their faces….incredible. the smiles. it was never them. what they felt and them together before all the stress was always right, always real. the ep 5 scenes had me screaming. “i could be free…free with you” i had to pause bc i was losing my mind. the switch in wille of immediate communication to simon once he found something out was such a good start to him changing some of his ways. simon’s face was just….and to do it in front of rosh & ayub. so important so heart wrenching i was crying. and then the BOOK SCENE. okay book scene may be number one wow so so well written well acted. it is them literally turning a page together, a new chapter of them better understanding and accepting each others’ realities & deciding they want to go on this journey together of figuring out what they want and who they really want to be. and then of course, wille’s panic attack to simon worrying about him to the conversation and then just being honest about how they feel to finally being together again. that scene was so powerful. they have everything they had to each other in case it was the last time & it was the most beautiful mix of love & longing & desperation…of choosing that moment together to take back what they lost and that it might fall apart all over again tomorrow so if this is the last time then we’ll give each other everything. absolutely incredible episode and sequences of scenes. and then the i love you & eps 6 ending. the CHILLS that took over my body with simon pulling wille aside…the i love you…and wille’s speech. not even just him admitting it but him deciding what kind of crown prince he wants to be and calling out the monarchy and traditions, (which i hope leads more to him making an effort to understand the classism & realities simon faces & what else needs to change), the games & power greedy manipulations that keep everything spinning, and choosing love after spending his life raised in an institution that has tried to teach him love is foolish and fleeting and not worth it. yes, it was somewhat cheesy to a certain extent, but it was still powerful and wille taking control over his own narrative & realizing what simon has been trying to convey to him. and that simon deciding he was okay with being a secret was what wille still thought he wanted until he had it because the secrets only caused pain & problems. and love, true love between two people should not be threatened with pain & chaos & scandal because of traditions where the elite only look after the elite…it was an amazing scene to have wille finally stomp on all the lies and the coercion and to not leave simon alone in that any longer. okay this got way longer than i intended and i CLEARLY couldn’t choose just 3 scenes but 😭😂 yeah. i think the most beautiful pretty much overlap here. also simon singing at the ball was of course stunning. i think also wille getting ready for the ball was beautiful in a heartbreaking way. same for the conversation he had with felice in ep4 after tHAT mistake. their friendship >>>> and wille saying he has to let him go.

also one more wilmon power couple eps 6 before shit completely hits the fan was also >>>>>

#young royals #omar rudberg #edvin ryding #simon eriksson #wilhelm #yr s2 #yr s2 spoilers

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leamy-world · 3 years

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Reaction to The Devil Judge (spoilers for ep. 9 & 10)

It’s been a while since i’ve last been on tumblr, but i got invested in this drama every week & the fandom’s analyses to not talk about it sometime! (Last time i was hooked, it was with Beyond Evil and i watched it by the time the finale already aired so i didn’t suffer from the weekly wait!)

So here i am, this is mainly self-indulgent with essay-long interpretations of some scenes in a totally random order, but i’d love to interact with whoever reads this if they want to react!

I’m sorry for the potential awkward phrasings, english is not my first language!

- The recap was nicely done and tied everything together, it made me realize so many things happened since the beginning! The repetition didn’t make me skip it, the narration was dynamic & fun.

- The ‘power display’ & threat Yohan showed to Soohyun (by lashing out at Juk Chang and strangling him, as proxy for Soohyun, in front of her while staring at her) were something …! She answered in the same fashion, passing by him saying she will ‘arrest Juk Chang’. I wonder how their next encounters will unfold.

- Many people already pointed this out, but Soohyun’s decision to leave Elijah, a minor, alone in her car (with its doors open, daring to tell her to stay there when she has no other choice anyway) + stop the gang alone and unannounced off duty was irresponsible. Anyways, i wonder if she will interact again with Elijah because they were adorable, i would miss it!

- The conversation between Soohyun & Gaon at his apartment (ep. 10) was interesting on both parts:

It sounded casual, but Soohyun wanted to see where he stood in the Kang family and make sure he wasn’t in Yohan’s plans (i hope she didn’t seriously mean the ‘weird’ comment about Elijah, it’d be sad since Elijah enjoyed her company!).

Gaon was anxious professor Min told her about their last conversation (i think she’ll talk to him in the next eps). He also indirectly defended the Kangs by associating himself with them (« I’m pretty sure i’m just as weird ») and voiced his concern about Yohan, speaking more to himself than following the conversation at hand.

When Soohyun changed the subject with the ‘i’m jealous’ bit, maybe it was to brighten the mood with a light-hearted comment, hoping Gaon would follow. And by the look of her pause right after, it seemed she was also expecting GO’s ‘positive’ reaction to her jealousy, giving in to the kind of teasing/flirt they have in their friendship. But deep down, it was also to voice her true unease about Gaon’s involvement with Yohan she had since the beginning and ep. 8.

It’s obvious to us she meant she was jealous of Yohan. And GO could’ve understood it this way too, since she confessed to him multiple times and her feelings must be known to him (i think he takes it as a ‘joke’ given how many times she confessed and each time when he was crying, so maybe he thought, very reasonably, it was to cheer him up? I also guess he’s too absorbed by his current worries about the Kangs and her potential suspicion, to notice her attempts).

But instead of that, he’s not in the same line of thoughts at all and picks up on the « rich », musing on what makes one’s existence rich, thinking Soohyun was envying Yohan’s position and life and proving her he’s indeed in a whole different world, empathizing with Yohan.

She then looked like her face fell, until her eyes lit up again when he was about to admit she was precious to him along with his family.

By the way, this scene picks up right where we were left off in ep. 8, when Gaon tends to his plants:

« - Are you back for good? - Not really. They need some looking after. - You should come back, not drop by. This is where you live. - Someone there needs some taking care of too. - Take care of your own self, please. - What about me? I’m living a shamelessly comfortable life. Soohyun. - Yes? - What are you thinking about? - Nothing. By the way, Gaon … » (i wonder what she was going to say!)

Lost in thoughts, Gaon’s mixed emotions when he said Yohan was not rich (« he’s not rich. If you get to know him, Kang Yohan is really poor. ») were very well depicted by Jinyoung’s acting: the soft voice and the ghost of a smile that convey understanding and endearment, leaning on his counter in a relaxed stance, but also at the same time the stare lost in the space, maybe to all the memories tied to the Kangs and Yohan, and the tension in his left lip corner by the end of his sentence which betray his sadness and empathy with Yohan’s life. After this, when he became aware of Soohyun’s gaze, it’s like his bubble popped. He looked surprised with his eyes widening, and was fidgeting a little, then changed the subject to himself.

And « I have you, Soohyun » sounded truly grateful but also sad and conflicted, GO lets his worries show when she’s gone, maybe wondering if they would be bound to be against each other one day as he continues to side with Yohan, menacing to jeopardize their friendship to the point of no return. In these kinds of stories you expect these kinds of twists, but i grew fond of the cast send help

- I loved how Yohan’s confession to GO about his brother was filmed: the camera faced head-on his pain, slipping unbeknownst to him through the façade he always showed to protect himself. But this time, despite his (late) attempts to dismiss these feelings both for him and Gaon to regain composure (the hand gestures to hide his tears, pretending to be tough with the « there’s no such things as innocent people », drinking away his sorrow with a bitter laugh that rings hollow), all this façade fades out in front of Gaon literally by being blurred out in the shot, as if he clearly sees his pain through (his silhouette appearing clear-cut between Yohan’s gestures). I know it’s a pretty classic shot but it fit well with this scene. He clenches his jaw in the next shot, moved by Yohan opening up.

- The dinner scene was really moving …! Especially when you put the colder tones the kitchen had when we first saw Yohan have dinner by himself next to this scene, full of light in contrast! I wonder when the OST playing will be released, it was so beautiful and reminded me of My Mister’s OST (especially Rainbow!). I look forward to the lyrics, because most of the time the OST gives more layers & depth to the story and the characters! (please don’t let it be about Yohan’s budding feeling of a true ‘home’ ;;) I didn’t realize it upon my first watch, but Gaon really took the cutlery hostage, it cracked me up!

- The parallels in this show will be the end of me: Yohan went from the « i’m so sick of this place » (ep. 5) to asking K to drive him « home » with a delighted smile.

- I liked the parallel of Yohan’s reaction to GO/Sun-Ah sitting in his office chair, impeding on his space (he reminds SA to stay out of it, the first time politely, the second time almost grimacing, his jaw clenched: « Just because you’re the head of the OSC doesn’t mean you can barge in like this (…) So please stop barging in like this. », while he says nothing to GO)

- At the beginning of ep. 10, we have Yohan saying he doesn’t like « hanging out with people » & by the end of it, Soohyun saying « My childhood’s best friend is hanging out with a rich guy ».

- These two episodes gave more insight and nuance into Sun-Ah’s character, which was very nice ; and also Cha Kyung-Hee’s comeback (and her last confrontation with Sun-Ah!!!!)

- The people following Juk Chang also targeted sexual minorities according to the subs i had, i wonder if it will be addressed again sometime in the drama.

- I loved Elijah’s « hacking » technique scene, i felt proud too! I always look forward to her scenes (and Kkomi’s too haha)! And her reaching out Gaon’s shoulder for the first time ;;

- The ‘humans lose their minds when they think they’ve lost what they have’ ……�� repeated twice by YH ………… It will hit hard and all those lines will come right back at us viewers, but i’m not prepared haha! And also for the ‘if you want revenge, don’t hesitate’, i hope it doesn’t foreshadow a future revenge Gaon will execute without hesitation aaaaaa

Also, what lawyer Ko said about himself in ep. 8 may apply to Yohan’s case by the end, will he atone for what he did someday? (« I’m no longer a lawyer. I’m just a criminal. When all this comes to an end, I’ll pay for what i did. »)

- I really loved Yohan’s efforts to take into consideration both Elijah’s (he refrained himself from acting rashly like the last time she went out and listened to her) and Gaon’s feelings (stopping him from endangering himself recklessly, not forcing him onto the revenge path lest he’d regret it afterwards, and helping him to face the truth rationally).

- « She’s hungry for affection. No matter how much you hate the world and the people in it, you can never live alone. You always need someone to rely on. As long as you’re a human being. » Many people commented on it, Gaon must speak from his own experience and empathizes with both Elijah and Yohan’s situation. These two episodes showed how Gaon cares for the Kangs more openly, and i live for it!

- Give me that domestic scene where Gaon plays cards with YH, the nanny and Elijah! And also more K and lawyer Ko scenes!

- Jinjoo’s and Gaon’s intervention in the trial were gold! And Satie’s Gnossiennes rearrangement playing in the background during Juk Chang’s speech, it’s the cherry on the cake haha

- By the way, there was also an arrangement of Rachmaninoff’s piano concerto no. 2 during the first charity event Yohan went with Jinjoo in the earlier episodes, it was also beautiful!

- GO’s Awkward Smile. I have no words, it is now forever imprinted on my mind.

Have a nice week and take care!

#the devil judge #tvn drama #my ramblings

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heretherebedork · 3 years

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I am here to hurt myself by watching WBL2. I know it ends in a reward but the beginning is nothing but agony and why I haven't watched it before. I am already in pain just from watching any tiny amount of pain of these boys.

lol I am literally refering to this as my day of atonement.

... I did make a very nice Rosh Hashanah post but that doesn't make me particularly religious, tbh. Cultural Judaism, yo.

Also, pain. Hi pain.

Ugh, I avoided this pain for so long. Now I'm here for it. One post. I'm only making this one post. @absolutebl I'm doing it! I know how much you love this, though.

Oh, fuck it, if I'm trying to limit all my rambling to one post I might as well read more it. I ramble so much.

Ep 1:

Oh look pain. Pain. And more pain. Yup. Yup. I hate this kind of plot even if I know it resolves well. At least it's not cheating but STILL hi dying. Shu Yi is a darling boy who deserved better than five years of nothing for any reason and Gao Shi De should have been better than that. Even knowing it ends well doesn't make this easier. dgkldf GODDAMN IT SELF. Just watch the show and stop being a baby about emotional pain.

Awww, the matching ties! I've seen that post a dozen times and love it every time and it's good to see.

The fucking way Gao Shi De just tries to walk back into his life without a second word or hesitation or thought makes me SO DAMN TWITCHY. Poor Shu Yi. Also, Gao Shi De deserves every punch and slap and uuughhh this show was designed to hurt me. I HATE relationships falling apart. Absolutely my least favorite trope/plot point of practically all time.I hate it I hate iiiit I hate it so muuuuuch.

I mean, damn, the acting here is amazing beyond words, obviously. But that just makes it hurt more. Especially Shu Yi's pain that he's put behind so much anger and work just to keep himself functional and it's damn gorgeous DAMNit.

Ep 2:

Darling Shu Yi deserved so much better. Even though Gao Shi De wasn't cheating on him, he deserved better than the silence and disappearance and he deserves the goddamn world. Ugh literally like a minute into the episode and already there is so much pain. I know they end up happy but I almost want to just tell Shu Yi to tell Gao Shi De to fuck off forever.

Nope, Gao Shi De, you deserve the pain. Shu Yi does't, you do, your upset doesn't get me upset. Shu Yi's pain is the only one I regret in this show. But, seriously, doing all this in front of the whole company is such a bastard move in his part honestly. Poor Shu Yi, seriously.

I do love my tiny obviously favorite character, though, and his tiny inability to sit and his tiny double hands for everything and I adore him beyond measure.

Ugh, Shu Yi choosing to fake the return of trust and friendship and love and I am proud of him for doing that and no, I don't care, Gao Shi De deserves it. I mean, it's not a good or healthy choice but, you know what, I'm okay with that.

But seriously. Poor Shu Yi. Has to deal with being ghosted and then Gao Shi De's return and then an extremely drunk ex crying on him when he's just trying to go to work... at midnight, okay, maybe not healthy either.

Ep 3:

Oh, Gao Shi De. You're an idiot. I mean that... only with a tiny bit of affection and mostly with me rolling my eyes. Making a promise to his dad wasn't bright of you. I mean, seriously, 5 years without contacting him, telling him what happened and on the condition that Shu Yi doesn't try to move on in five years of being completely ghosted. That's just dumb to an astonishingly level of dumb.

Ugh, poor Shu Yi. Your dad and your ex are both idiots and they deserve to get away from you just like you want. Seriously. You poor young man. You deserved so much better from the people you love.

But seriously fuck Gao Shi De and Shu Yi's dad. You're both idiots who don't deserve him. Especially his dad. But also especially Gao Shi De. Seriously. This is why we talk to people, damnit. Poor Shu Yi.

Why, yes, that's my main take away from this show. Shu Yi deserved so much better. Gao Shi De's need to constantly solve everything by himself is the biggest problem in the show, oy vey.

OF COURSE he wants to go back to that time. He was loved and loved and trusted you and happy and comfortable and who wouldn't want to go back to that?

Yu Zhen Xuan is my darling, obviously, and Pei Shou Yi's wanting to take care of him but also to stay away from him for his own sake. Oh, boys.

Ep 4:

I know they get better at some point. I really do. Shu Yi is still breaking my heart, though. I just want to see the poor darling smile and not in a flashback.

Oh, Shu Yi. You deserve the world, seriously. I mean, I'm glad you've managed to come back around to trying to believe in Gao Shi De. I really am. But man he doesn't deserve it. But also ugh, this embrace, utterly fantastic. Darling Shu Yi is finally smiling!

And poor Yu Zhen Xuan trying to ask about Pei Shou Yi so deseperately and being denied everything... ugh, I love him so much. But mostly just Yu Zhen Xuan wanting that connection so badly but always, again and again, denied and I just want to comfort him so badly. Yes, he's coming to you but, I mean, what is friendship but going to other people for comfort? Awww, the two ramens. The BABY.

But also darling Shu Yi is finally smiling and Gao Shi De does bring him comfort and love and they're genuinely good to and for each other, at least, once they're together. Now they just need to actually talk to each other about what happened.

The simultaneous "DAD" was gorgeous. Okay, that was really good.

Ep 5:

Ah, my long awaited darling boy's backstory that I know and love. The tiny panic and fear and the way he jumps and fights back at the tiniest thing... I love this feral teenager SO MUCH and then he grows up into a CTO for a major company and it's even better.

Plus, Pei Shou Yi looking for him after telling him not to come back because the mug got returned? Ugh, heartbreaking but in like a sad, small kind of way.

And the darling CEOs teasing each other in front of their employees while also in suits and being uplifting and good at supporting them? A+ how does one go about getting bosses like that? Also, how Shu Yi looks at Gao Shi De when he's being a good boss? Also A+.

Okay, yes, they're adorable and tiny and the piggyback ride while also in suits and looking fine is simple the best of the best and Gao Shi De taking care of Shu Yi while also confronting his father is frankly amazing. Oh, darling boys.

Gao Shi De, he already admitted that he did this entirely to trick you and Shu Yi is perfectly willing to take a stand against his father. Stop trying to win him over. Let Shu Yi handle his family. His dad's an idiot and he's not gonna listen to you.

Ep 6:

More backstory for my darling feral teenager and the doctor who took care of him at his lowest. I love them both so much. I wish they'd gotten more of a story but I'm not entirely sure I want a third season about them either.

Portable boyfriend! Well! Portable boy... friend...

Also, Shu Yi and Gao Shi De, you have no right to talk about them not communicating, seriously boys, love you to death but seriously communication... actually, honestly, Shu Yi is great at communication. He can criticize them. Gao Shi De has no right.

Pei Shou Yi, seriously, you say these things about not having any emotion but you also admit that you knew he evoked a response from you. You definitely remembered and had feelings about him when you were separated. I mean, you even saved the ramen that was his favorite. You looked for him. I know it's scary but that's okay.

Shu Yi is just so adorable about meeting the in-laws and being all awkward and adorable and it's beyond cute and then the talk about his dad and family and they're just adorable and domestic and sweet and how dare they.

Literally, Shu Yi is the best person in the world and the two people who love him most can learn a lot from him.

Ugh, Yu Zhen Xuan is my baby and I love him so much and he's just doing his best to be his best and he wants to love and be loved but he's trying so hard and I love him so much. He's just such a darling and he also deserves the world and to be loved just as he loves.

And we had to have another pool kiss, of course, what darlings.

Pei Shou Yei: I don't experience emotions... except the ones involved in protect Yu Zhen Xuan because those aren't emotions, those are just natural urges and don't count.

Awww, proposals are always adorable and sweet.

I did it! I've finally watched the whole thing, between dramacool and dailymotion I've managed to watch this show. Yay for me!

#bl drama #bl series #i'm not really gonna tag this #i'm so late to the game #but also agony #so you know #lol i finally did it #now my list of shows i have considered watching but chosen not to is at least one shorter

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its-chelisey-stuff · 3 years

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My 2020 in dramaland pt 2/4

Merry Christmas to all who celebrate it and happy holidays to everyone!! These are my favorite korean dramas of the year (I stand by these titles and I’m not ashamed of them lol). In chronological order:

My Holo Love: Say what? Who? First of all, I think this is a seriously underrated kdrama. I made a review on it here. Female lead had face blindness and Male Lead was a genius programmer. I know how this sounds but it all works for the plot, actually. Loved every moment of it (I watched it twice, and I rarely do that with dramas). A sort of sci-fi/fantasy romcom drama with a really unusual (and thus my favorite, EVER) love triangle and a nostalgic feel to it. While looking at my list of kdramas I knew I couldn’t treat Holo like all the others LOL it was special for me and still is.

OTP: They had sizzling chemistry! I honestly bought every cliche because of it. Including love at first sight.

Thing I enjoyed the most: The story was simple and had a lot of cliches but they kinda worked to the story’s advantage. This show is an example of why I fell for kdramas almost 10 years ago. Plus, the CGI wasn’t bad. It’s ony 12 eps and they don’t really last an hour. A one day watch.

Do I recommend it? I LOVED it, but I recognize it’s not for everyone, but if you’re looking for something fun, cute and light to binge-watch that still has some drama and a lot of romance and a happy ending, this is for you.

Find me in Your Memory: Beautiful. Awesome chemistry. Very romantic. She’s an actress, he’s an anchorman. She forgets a lot of things, he literally can remember most things REALLY WELL. She falls for him first, he tries to put distance because of his terrible past in his dating life lol but she wins him over and by the end, he loves her more than anything and anyone. They overcome a lot of crazy shit, and being together it’s hard, but it’s worse being apart. I made a review.

OTP: Loved them both individually and together. And honestly, THAT chemistry was perfect.

Thing I enjoyed the most: The chemistry and the acting by the leads. I became a fan of both because of this.

Do I recommend it? You really haven’t seen it? Please do it. Hahahaha Well, do it if you want to see a good melo knowing what that involves (romance, sadness, lots of tears, some frustration, etc). A really sweet and happy ending that was very well deserved. My favorite melo of the year Sorry Brahms!.Also, fair warning, it has a stalkers’ sub-plot.

The King: Eternal Monarch: You all know what this is about. And I said everything I wanted in my posts (I was mostly fangirling like crazy). Here’s my last one about it. I loved the acting and the story a lot. But I think the drama should have been longer. Also, I loved the energy of the actors behind the scenes, idk why, but it always warms my heart to see the actors get along on set. Sure, it could be a publicity stunt, but I just don’t think it was the case with this one. And I know not a lot of people liked the two lead characters and said they had no chemistry but imo they were great characters and the actors had LOTS of chemistry. It’s just that it wasn’t very well translated in the first eps, but it was fixed. This, I believe, was a more of a direction problem, rather than a script or acting one.

BTW if the drama was already about time travel and parallel worlds, I had NO problem believing in destiny and that the leads were meant to be. It was fantasy, you guys, not rocket science.

OTP: the main couple loved each other passionately and fiercely. He waited 20+ years to meet her and another 20+ years (practically) to see her again AND she was willing to risk getting stuck in a timeless void just to be by his side because otherwise he would be all alone. Now, that’s love! Personally, I loved their ending.

Thing I enjoyed the most: The King ahahaha I’m a shameless fan, what can I do? He was a good man and a gentleman but a ruthless king thirsty for justice and vengeance. I cheered when he killed his uncle lmao. Also, all the mutuals I “met” thanks to this drama. You guys made the experience even better with your posts and your theories!! *sends hugs*

Do I recommend it? Look the story is great in my eyes. I did understand it and the mechanics of the time travel and the parallel worlds. The King explained everything quite a few times. I say this because most people that didn’t like it say they couldn’t understand the story and/or it made no sense. To me, it did. But I can see why this wouldn’t be for all. That being said, I shamelessly recommend it lol.

More than Friends: The faces they’re doing in the poster, are the ones I did while watching the last 4 eps of this drama HAHAHA which made me real sad/angry because I LOVED the story from ep 1 to 12. So, this is on the list MERELY BECAUSE OF LEE SOO, the male lead, played by Ong SeongWu. I went crazy and wrote about almost every scene on the drama lol I was obsessed. You can read my review about the whole thing here.

OTP: Wonderful chemistry. The best either of the actors have had so far with any of their co-stars. Then again, SeongWu has only been in 2 dramas and 1 movie. And Shin YeEun hasn’t been in a lot but had really good chemistry with Park JinYoung in He’s Pyschometric. (btw that drama is superior, I highly recommend it!)

Thing I enjoyed the most: The magnificent character development that Lee Soo went through. He was a completely different person in ep 16 compared to the selfish jerk in eps 1-4 (SeongWu’s acting in this convinced me he is one of the best actors of his age, and one of the best idols turned actors at the moment). And I loved discussing this drama with the only other 10 people who were watching it hahaha Thanks y’all.

Do I recommend it? They advertised it as a romcom, but it really isn’t. It’s more of a slice of life/melo drama. I believe this is better as a binge-watch, but do not expect mindblowing plot, since it’s a character driven drama. So, do check out my review about it and have a go at it, I guess hahaha If not, you could see my posts about the show here and still know everything, because I pretty much covered the entire drama HAHAHA.

Note: I kinda think this drama is sort of a “500 days of Summer” situation, people either sympathize with ML or FL and hate the other. Or both HAHAHA It’s all about perspective, I guess.

Tale of the Nine Tailed: Everything you could ask for in a fantasy drama. For me, it was perfect and it made me cry like a baby. I made a review on the finale. I actually liked that he got his powers back at the end. Also, the main couple was the most functional couple I saw this year in kdramas. Which is crazy if you take into acount that he wasn’t human and both had a lot of pain and traumas from their pasts. Which shows that communication and trust is key to every relationship.

OTP: THEY LOVED EACH OTHER SO MUCH! AND WERE BOTH HOT. SO HOT FOR EACH OTHER. I kinda ship the actors now lol

Thing I enjoyed the most: Jiah, Yeon and Rang. The romance and the relationship between Rang and Yeon, which is what actually made me cry in the end. But we all knew it was coming.

Do I recommend it? Hell Yeah. Might not be for everyone, but if you like fantasy and romance, one heavily connected with the other, and the reincarnated lovers trope which I adore! then this is your drama.

Honorable Mentions:

You know, they almost made it. But something held me back. Still, it didn’t feel right to put them with the other dramas. So they got an honorable mention with my favorite ones.

Itaewon Class: This was, in general, a tragedy. But I loved it. Ooops. Dude was only stopping a classmate from bullying another and got his whole life ruined: got expelled, his dad was killed, he went to jail and had to start from the bottom and reached the top all thanks to one special and unique young girl. My eyes were full of tears when he finally got his happiness at the end and justice for his dad. Plus, it deals with a few topics that are still taboo in Korea. And the whole world tbh

OTP: SLOW BURN. Super slow lol For a moment there, I thought they weren’t going to be endgame, but they were and I WAS THE HAPPIEST.

Thing I enjoyed the most: Park Saeroyi and Yiseo. And the acting from the whole cast, actually. They did a really good job.

Do I recommend it? Yes. My brother hadn’t seen a kdrama in years and he saw this one. He enjoyed it greatly. I don’t know why I say this as if my brother were some kind of point of reference or expert in kdramas, but y’all need to trust me when I say this is impressive hahaha.

Into the Ring: This woman only wanted a job that could give her stability and a good pay check because her family was in huge debt. She ended up becoming a district representative that learned the real hard way a good person cannot live peacefully among politicians. She got the hell out of there in the end, thank God. Sera was a great heroine that really deserves to be called that. Loved her so much.

OTP: A super cute one that defied gender stereotypes in a delightful way. He was HER secretary at one point!

Thing I enjoyed the most: Listen, everything. It was really well done. I binged it in 2 weekends. I regret not doing a final review about it, but I just couldn’t find the time and if I do one now, it’s not gonna make the drama justice because I’m sure I’ll miss details. I did make 2 big posts about the sismance and romance.

Do I recommend it? YEP. Go see it now lol

Do you like Brahms?: Most people complained about the leads being way too depressed and miserable in the last third of the drama. I didn’t mind that, because you see, it’s what you’d expect from a melodrama lol What did leave this drama out of my favorites is the reason why they were so miserable in the first place and the 2 never actually had a long and meaningful conversation about their problems as individuals and about their relationship and it was SO needed. It was literally their thing at the start of the drama: the way they could be open with each other and communicate so damn well. But that was nowhere to be seen in the end. Still, they had a happy ending and after all that suffering, I appreciated that. I made posts about each ep. Here is the post about the last one.

OTP: Two introverts that kissed on a music room for the first time AND made out on a piano. ON THE PIANO, Y’ALL!! *fans self*

Thing I enjoyed the most: The leads. The only TWO decent people (and friends), everyone else was an awful person. Oh, and the team leader. Such a great lady!

Do I recommend it? OMG Yes? It’s hard to say it but I try to judge the drama overall and how in love I was for the most part rather than how much it frustrated me in the last few eps. If you want to watch a melo with classical music that instead of healing makes you sadder, a love hexagon that makes you want to kill secondary characters and an OTP that gets their HEA despite all that, this is your drama.

Live On: This is a last minute addition, but given the fact that it will air the last ep on the first week of 2021, it kinda technically counts as this year’s. And I do love it. A mini drama about high schoolers. Here’s my post about the first ep and about the most recent one (with spoilers) It’s just a really well done, romantic, cute and fun with touch of mystery, coming of age story.

OTP: The most popular girl in high school and the smart president of the broadcasting club. Started as strangers, then went on to disliking each other, became friends and then liked each other. Also, ML is quite straightforward and flirtily honest lol

Thing I enjoyed the most: How short it is and the pace of the story. The main couple and the way the mystery was written, not a lot so it’d make the whole drama just about that, but enough to make an interesting backstory that sets FL on her journey and in the process, brings the six main characters together.TW: the whole mystery revolves around bullying.

Do I recommend it? If you like high school romances, YES. It’s only 8 eps long! You can binge it on a saturday or a sunday and I assure you it won’t be a waste of time. Kinda wish I could erase it all from my mind so that I could experience the whole story right away. I envy those who can binge it.

#kdrama #the king: eternal monarch #my holo love #find me in your memory #more than friends #tale of the nine tailed #kdrama review #itaewon class #do you like brahms?#into the ring #live on #tkem #fmiym #end of the year drama review

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sinfulshelbys · 4 years

Text

Until We Meet Again | Shelby! sis

Bonnie Gold x Shelby! sister reader

Warnings: angsttttt, death :”(, (i like pretending that ep 5x02 didn’t happen but here i am writing about it)

Request: some angst with Bonnie and shelby sis?

word count: 1.7k

You were the most well put together out of the Shelby family. At least, that’s what people of Small Heath would tell everyone.

You were able to calm your siblings, especially Tommy, when they got set in a blaze of nothing but fury. You made sure to visit your older neighbours regularly and made sure they were safe and taken care of. You visited the orphanage and took the time out of your busy schedule every Friday to sit and read to all the children who admired you.

Y/N Shelby was an angel born in hell.

But if those same people who spoke those words were to see you now, you’re not quite sure how they would act. You looked like a walking disaster, from the black makeup stains that lined under your eyes to the skirt you haven’t had the energy to change out of for the three days. You were completely and utterly broken.

You watched as the vardo in front of you bursted into flames causing soft tears to fall down your puffed cheeks. The same vardo that you shared so many memories with him in. Your Bonnie.

You knew that your family were watching you from the corners of their eyes – you choosing to stand away from the small crowd that have come to honour your love with Bonnie’s father, Aberama.

The older man had taken your hand in his, trying to anchor you both to reality before you lost yourselves in pain.

It wasn’t long before you couldn’t be there any longer, squeezing Aberama’s hand once before turning on your heels – walking into the open field, away from the memorial.

Reaching a clearing, you sat on the edge of a small lake before letting yourself finally break. Your cries came out pained and in gasps, your hand clutching your shirt while you tried to breathe.

He was gone. Your Bonnie was gone and there was nothing you could do to bring him back.

You could still remember the moment that you had found out, you had left the campsite early that morning with Polly – despite not wanting to. But Tommy wanted the family to attend a gala he had organised now that he was politically involved, which is what you did.

You had spent the entire night glued to your brother, Finn’s side – until you noticed Tommy storm towards the door to his house, pulling his gun from his waistband.

So with rushed footsteps, you pushed past all the rich snobs to catch sight of a sobbing Aberama yelling and pointing a gun towards Johnny Dogs, while your brother tried to get him to put the weapon down.

With a deep from, you had rushed towards the three men – hoping to be able to talk some sense into Aberama who had taken you under his wing as soon as he found out you were dating his son.

“What the fuck is going on?” You called out, bunching up your skirt as you made your way down the steps and onto the gravel that made the soles of your black heels turn grey.

Tommy was quick to turn to you with wide eyes, waving a hand in your direction for you to stop.

“Y/N, get inside!” He ordered, anyone else would’ve been smart to follow his instructions, but you ignored him.

Walking towards Aberama who was still manically waving his gun in the air, you softly grasped his hands in yours – taking the cold metal weapon from his grasp.

“What’s going on, Mr Gold?” You whispered, forcing the older mans focus onto you. “Why are you pointing a gun at Johnny?”

Aberama only let out a loud sob, it was one that you had heard countless times from your siblings when your brother John had died – one that could only be expressed when you had suffered a loss so painful it felt like someone was clawing at your heart; trying to rip it out.

You instantly knew.

“No,” you muttered, taking a slight step back from Aberama who kept shaking his head – you stared at him as if willing him to be wrong. “No, no, no!”

“He was the only one who knew where we were!” Aberama spat towards Johnny – the innocent man begging for someone to just believe that he hadn’t given the Gold’s camp away. “My son is dead!”

Those four words were the confirmation that had you crumbling into a heap on the floor. Tommy was quick to try to catch you, ultimately ending up on the ground with you as he pulled your thrashing body to his chest.

He knew the pain of losing your love all too well.

All he could do was sit and hold you, ignoring the gunshot that his wife, Lizzie, fired into the air as she yelled for everyone to get away from her home. He didn’t let go even as you begged for him to – even when you tried to push him away.

He didn’t let you go.

That was why Tommy was the one to follow after you as you walked away from the funeral – his heart aching when he saw his little sister in a heap of tears.

He didn’t say anything as he rushed over to you, pulling your hands away from your neck – placing them above his heart so you could feel it beat.

“Y/N,” he whispered, watching as you kept shaking your head. “Hey, focus on my heartbeat, eh? Focus on the beats and count.”

You tried, he could tell by the little crease that formed between your eyebrows and the way you kept taking huge shaky breaths. Focusing on his heartbeat was something that he had done since you were little and lost your mother – it was a simple way to ground you, but it had never not worked before.

With a shake of your head, Tommy could tell that it wasn’t working – quickly pulling you to his chest as he sat down in the wet grass with you; not giving a shit about the stains that were going to ruin his new suit.

“It hurts,” you whimpered, taking your older brothers hand in your own as you focused on calming your erratic breathing. “It hurts so fucking much, Tom. I need it to stop. Please make it stop.”

Tommy swore that was the moment his heart well and truly broke. You were the one person in his life that wasn’t supposed to be tainted – the one person he was supposed to protect from everything bad. But here you were after losing the love of your life and he didn’t know how to help you.

“It’s my fault. If I hadn’t gotten involved with him, he would still be here-”

“Stop,” Tommy shook his head, wrapping his arms around you tighter. “It’s not your fault. Believe me when I tell you. I thought it was my fault with Grace, and it almost ruined me – you saw that. Don’t do this to yourself.”

Silence settled over the pair of you, only the sounds of the trees rustling in the wind and the water gently running could be heard – until you spoke up.

“All I wanted was a happy ending,” you whispered, afraid to speak any louder. “I had that with Bonnie. But we’re poison, Tom – anyone we touch is in danger because of us. Maybe we’re not supposed to ever be happy, maybe this is the price we pay for being Peaky Blinder devils.”

Tommy bit his tongue at the way you spat the words your family had thrown at them all too often. But he also couldn’t help but think that maybe you were right – maybe these losses were the price your family had to pay for the evil things that happened in the shadows.

“Aberama told me to give this to you,” Tommy muttered into the open air, his hand reaching into the pocket of his trousers to pull out a small box. “He said that when you’re ready to collect Bonnie’s rings – you can. This, however, he wanted you to have now.”

Your hands tentatively reached for the box, taking it out of your brothers hold before slowly opening it – letting out a cry when you caught sight of the diamond ring.

“He asked for my blessing a month ago,” Tommy pressed a kiss to your forehead as you shuffled around in his lap to look at his face – a solemn look gracing his usually hard features. “The boy spent months trying to gain the fucking courage to ask you which annoyed us to our wits end. Aberama said that the day it happened he was on his way to the gala and was finally going to do it.”

Your sight was clouded by an on-stream of tears, your arms wrapping around your brothers shoulders as you buried your face in the crook of his neck. Tommy let you openly cry for the future you had lost with your love. He let you seek comfort in his embrace, worried that if he let you go too soon you might succumb to the darkness just like he had.

When you had calmed down a bit, you pulled away from your brother – giving him a soft smiled before shuffling off his lap.

“Would you be able to give me a minute alone?” You softly asked, knowing that Tommy would understand.

He knew that you were overwhelmed with so much grief that it would take you a long while to finally make peace with everything that had happened – so he let you have this moment. Pressing a final kiss to the crown of your head, Tommy stood up and brushed off his suit before walking back to your family – glancing back at you every few seconds until you were out of his sight.

You were left alone, red-rimmed eyes focused on the pretty ring that you hadn’t removed from the box – just staring at it.

“You should’ve asked,” you spoke into the open air; hoping that wherever he was, he could hear you. “I would’ve said yes, Bon. You had nothing to worry about.”

With shaky fingers, you took out the ring – holding it up so the gem met the sunlight casting pretty rainbow glows around you.

You weakly smiled, sliding the piece of jewellery onto your ring finger. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to do this without you, Bon. You promised to always be here, but now you’re just gone and I’m so lost without you.”

You words were met with expected silence as you let out a sigh and wiped the tear tracks from your cheeks before rising to your feet. Staring out into the beautiful field in front of you, you briefly shut your eyes.

“Until we meet again, my love.”

Until you meet again.

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collecting-stories · 4 years

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The Truck - ep. 08 - Georgia

Summary: You stop by on break to visit Daryl at the auto shop. The Jeep is almost done being repaired.

A/N: I think basically I’m writing an even slower burn than last time.

Georgia Masterlist | The Walking Dead Masterlist

☼ ☼ ☼ ☼

“I think ya ain’t as smart as ya tell me ya are,” Daryl joked as he caught sight of you walking into Dale’s Autobody shop, still in your uniform from the diner. Three days after Christmas and you’d been working as many hours as Patricia would give you. Both you and your mom trying to stay away from the house and each other as much as possible.

“I most definitely am. Why?” You asked, ducking your head down into the car he was working on when he sat down in the front seat. A newer model Nissan he’d been cursing since the owner brought it in.

“Cause I tell ya all the time not ta come in here and where are ya?” He asked, looking over at you.

“It’s not my fault, Axel said you said you’re almost done my baby.” You teased. Axel had told you over ordering his lunch that Daryl had mentioned to T-Dog that he was nearly done the work on the Jeep. Took a while, he had lamented, but he was finally, almost done. “Heard you’re glad to be rid of me.”

“Ain’t what I said,” he replied, “said I was glad ta be rid a that fucking jeep. Pain in my ass.”

“Now I know you’re talking about me.”

Daryl’s expression changed for a brief second, eyes fixing on the faint pink lines on your cheek. Barely noticeable but they hadn’t been there before Christmas. “What happened?” He tapped his finger against the same spot on his face to indicate what he was asking about.

“Just a cat scratch. Hershel’s got a couple to keep the mice away and I couldn’t resist trying to pet one.”

“They’re nasty creatures…yer lucky he didn’t take yer whole face off.” He replied, climbing back out of the car again. “Ya on break?”

You shook your head, “I picked up a shift from Amy, I got an hour to kill before I start for her.”

“Ain’t I lucky.”

“So, is my car really almost fixed?” You asked. You pulled the rolling stool over from the work bench and sat down, spinning once.

“Just about.” He replied.

Daryl hated to admit it but he’d been dragging his feet on the project and when he realized that he was nearing completion and your car would be fixed he was half tempted to break it all over again. Sure, you liked stopping in now, chatting him up before or after a shift, bumming rides, showing up at his house to spend your afternoons sitting under the car park. But once the car was fixed you wouldn’t need him to entertain you anymore. You could go to your friends houses or anywhere really, but you didn’t have to hang out with him. He wasn’t going to tell you yet but he’d let it slip to T-Dog and once one of them knew they practically broadcast it.

“You working late?” You asked, wheeling yourself over next to him.

“Why, ya don’t know anyone else with a car?”

“Why bother them when I have you?” You tilted your head back to look up at him and smile. You looked like a little kid with your eyes closed and a smile wide enough that he could see all your teeth.

He rolled his eyes at you and reached over, swiping his greasy finger down your nose and making you jump suddenly at the contact. Your eyes opened and you slid back against the car. “Careful ya don’t scratch her.”

“Did you rub grease on my nose!” You whined, trying to rub it off with the back of your hand but only making more of a mess.

Daryl shrugged, “ain’t nice ta tease.”

“Do you have a bathroom here?”

He pointed toward the back of the shop and you got up, headed for the bathroom to wipe the grease off your face.

In truth Daryl wasn’t the only one who wasn’t looking forward to the car being fixed. Your throat felt like it dropped into your stomach when Axel told you that Daryl was almost finished the car. It sent you thinking...if Daryl told Axel did that mean he was glad it was almost finished? Was he looking forward to having you out of his hair finally? You scrubbed the grease off your face and frowned at your reflection. You didn’t want this to end.

“So, ya need a ride later?” Daryl asked once you came out of the bathroom.

“Yeah if you don’t mind.” You replied.

“Nah,” he shrugged as if he was indifferent toward driving you home, “ain’t got nothing better ta do.”

You hung around a little while longer before you headed back to the diner for work. The whole night you felt distracted by Axel’s news from earlier. You were desperate to get some advice from Maggie but there wasn’t much she could offer, Glenn didn’t need any persuading to be madly in love with her. They’d been together since the 6th grade winter dance and there was no doubt in your mind that nothing, not even Hershel’s stupid rules, could keep them apart.

Glenn and Maggie were the exception to the rule. Daryl wasn’t tripping over himself to profess his love for you. Half the time you weren’t even totally sure that he liked you. There were glimpses of something that might’ve been something but trust you to choose someone so hard to read. You spent the whole dinner rush trying to think up less costly ways to spend time with him that wouldn’t annoy him or make him feel like you were some stupid kid. The word kid alone was not necessarily something you wanted him to associate with you.

The idea sparked when he pulled up outside at the end of your shift, parking his truck by the door. You ignored Lori’s comment about Dixon’s being bad news. She ‘went to school with him’ and somehow that had made her the only reputable source on him, at least in her mind. Coupled with the fact that it was Daryl driving you home you were just happy to be done work.

“I hate the dinner rush,” you complained as you pulled the door shut and leaned against the seat. “This lady bitched me out over the table having a mark in it, meanwhile her kids were dunking every fucking sugar packet, jam packet, and salt packet into their cups of water and then splashing them all over the table!”

“Musta really boiled yet blood if it’s got ya cursing.”

“I can curse.”

“I’m sure ya can.” He teased.

You pouted, arms crossed over your chest as you slumped in the seat and Daryl reached over, jabbing you gently with his fingers against your side when he stopped at a streetlight. You laughed from the sudden sensation and pushed his hand away.

“I’m not allowed to curse at home but I can curse.” You insisted and he only shook his head, smiling.

“Think yer a little too sweet ta be hanging around me.”

“Nonsense. I like hanging out with you.” You replied, “which reminds me-“

“Yeah, what now?”

“How would you feel about teaching me some basic car stuff? I don’t know anything about cars and I’d really like to learn.”

It was the plan that had finally occurred to you halfway through your shift. You didn’t know the first thing about changing oil or fixing a tire. Hell, you couldn’t even fill it with air if you wanted to.

“Yer dad never teach ya how ta handle a car?”

“No, I don’t even know how to put windshield washer in it.”

“A’right, I’ll teach ya. After I finish working on yer car.” He replied. You had only been considering yourself when you formulated your master plan but Daryl couldn’t help the brief flutter of excitement that he felt thinking you’d decided to ask him to help. Even if it was just so you could navigate the basics it still meant that you would willingly be spending more time with him.

“Seriously?” You asked, smiling over at him.

“Yeah, why not? Ya should know how ta fix yer car.” He replied, “simple stuff…still gotta make money.”

“I might get so good I’ll steal your business.” You replied.

“Sure ya could.” He pulled up where he always did, your house visible from his spot parking along the sidewalk. It was dark, just the post lantern by the front of the driveway on. “Yer parents ain’t home?” No cars were in the driveway.

“My mom’s already left for work.” You shrugged, opening the door to the truck.

“She be gone all night?”

“I can stay by myself, promise.” You laughed to make a joke of it but you usually spent the night in the living room, talking to Tara or Maggie until they eventually went to sleep. You hated being home alone.

“I ain’t got anywhere ta be.” Daryl shrugged, offering some company.

“You don’t mind staying?”

The inside of your house was exactly what Daryl had expected. A far cry from the worn down, dirty home that he lived in with his father, this was pristine. As if no one had ever sat on the furniture or lived in the house. There weren’t any family pictures but there was Christian art in its place. Tasteful, Martha Stewart-esque Christmas decorations were highlighted through out the living room and kitchen, both spotless.

Daryl pulled a face at the décor at you laughed, “my mom went on a pier one kick a few years ago trying to outdo the Walshs.”

“Can’t complain, it’s nicer than mine ever was.” He replied, looking over the table top tree, “yer dad at work too?”

“No. I mean, he’s away. Visiting family.” You said, heading into the kitchen, “my mom works overnight at the hospital, she’s been doing a lot doubles lately though. I’ll be right out, I’m gonna change!”

Daryl nodded but didn’t say anything, flicking on the rest of the living room lights to get a better look at the room. The only pictures that weren’t nature landscapes or birds were on the mantle. A church directory photo of you and your parents from this year and your senior portrait, the traditional black off the shoulder look with a rose in your hand.

“I hate that picture,” you complained as you came back into the room. “I look hideous.”

“Don’t think that’s possible but I ain’t gonna argue.” Daryl replied. “Least I ain’t the only one who don’t have family pictures up.”

“My mom hates candid pictures. She’d never hang them up.” You settled on the couch and watched as Daryl walked back to the door to kick his shoes off. “I don’t have beer but there’s soda in the fridge.”

“I ain’t ever drinking beer ‘round you again. Yer a terrible influence. Ain’t Glenn Hershel should be worried ‘bout.” Daryl teased, coming over to sit beside you.

“What? No! I am not a bad influence!” You laughed, “I’ve never done anything wrong in my whole life.”

“I been witness to a few things.”

“No one will believe you.”

“Ain’t that the truth.” He said, thinking briefly that no one would even believe he was here right now, sitting your house with you while you clicked through channels. He’d be hard pressed to convince them that you had even bummed a cigarette off him, especially if they saw the sweet looking church photo of you with your parents.

“So what kind of car things will you teach?” You asked, ignoring the channel you’d chosen and turning more toward Daryl.

“What kinda car things ya need ta learn?”

“Everything but how to drive?” You replied, biting your lip.

“Well I ain’t seen ya drive so I can’t cross it off the list just yet.”

“I’m a good driver.”

“Yeah? You working tomorrow morning?” He asked, looking back toward the TV.

“No, I’ve got off.”

“Alright, I gotta pick up my check in Woodbury, I’ll let you drive me for once.”

“In my Jeep?”

“Hell no, ya ain’t getting in that thing ‘fore it’s fixed. You can drive the truck.” He replied. The truck was his brother Merle’s originally but Merle was in jail and he hadn’t spent the last three years fixing every inch of it to have it running like new. It might’ve been Merle’s to begin with but that old Chevy was Daryl’s pride and joy. He didn’t let anyone get behind the wheel, not even Rick or T-Dog, but he was offering it up to you.

“I’ll be the best driver you’ve ever seen.”

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#georgia series #daryl dixon fanfiction #daryl dixon fanfic #daryl dixon imagine #daryl dixon au #the walking dead fanfic #the walking dead fic #the walking dead fanfiction #The Walking Dead AU #twd fanfiction #twd fic #twd au #twd fanfic #twd imagine #daryl dixon x reader #daryl dixon x you #collecting stories imagine

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panharmonium · 3 years

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Merlin and Naruto

I did Merlin here, so here’s Naruto! :D

[disclaimer for everyone: I have only watched up through Season 10 of Shippuden (the arc with the Five Kage Summit), and I am trying to avoid spoilers for everything after that point, so please don’t interact with this (including tags, because tumblr shows them to me automatically) unless you are avoiding ALL spoilers. For me, this includes discussion about whether you like/dislike future seasons, comparisons of various seasons in terms of quality, etc. Thanks, everyone! <3]

My favorite parent-child relationship: I know they’re not blood-related, but Iruka and Naruto have me crying every time I see them together. Naruto straight-up says that when he’s with Iruka he feels like he knows what it’s like to have a father, and honestly, Iruka loves Naruto so much at this point that he would insta-adopt him if Naruto asked. I love how Naruto always cites Iruka as the first person who cared for him even later in the show when Iruka hasn’t had as much screentime, and when I saw Iruka cry because he’s so proud of Naruto at the end of the Pain arc, it was just...too much for my little heart to handle.

My favorite sibling relationship: You know, thinking about it, almost all of the people in Naruto are only children, as far as we know! But in terms of just that sibling vibe - Sakura and Naruto definitely give me that feel. I know he has a crush on her, but their relationship has always felt more sibling-like to me, and I especially love how deep their bond has become by the time we get to Shippuden. They are just so comfortable with each other now - the depth of the love and friendship they feel for each other is palpable.

My favorite family relationship (other): I adore Naruto’s relationship with Jiraiya. That scene where Naruto falls asleep against his back almost killed me, and Jiraiya’s later line, “Your smile is my salvation” - that was too much. It absolutely destroyed me. The way Jiraiya kind of gave up on everything after his old life went to hell - neverending wars, Orochimaru gone, his original students dead, his student’s students dead, Minato dead - he just ran away after that, and it was meeting Naruto that kind of rekindled that spark of hope in him and helped him reconnect with his community and rediscover a sense of purpose in his life. Naruto enabled him to finally come home, and I think that’s beautiful.

My favorite friendship between two people: There are so many friendships in Naruto that I love (one of the greatest things about this show for me has been how little focus is given to romantic relationships, at least so far; it’s very much a friendship-oriented show), but right now I’m in a bit of a Kakashi-Yamato hole. I was super primed to not like Yamato when he first showed up, because him being there meant that my favorite character WASN’T there, and also he ended up replacing Kakashi on the one mission where the team finally found Sasuke, but the guy won me over in the end. He is one of my favorite characters now - my heart just swells every time I see him - and I think his relationship with Kakashi is super interesting. I’ve written before about how Kakashi’s only truly intimate friendships are with people who are dead, and I do think that applies when it comes to Yamato, too, even though the two of them are obviously very companionable and close. There is still a level to that relationship where Kakashi is a bit of a mentor figure, the “superior officer,” which results in a degree of (still friendly and affectionate) distance. And as with all of his other relationships, Kakashi doesn’t really confide in Yamato about his life or open up to him in the same way that he does when he talks to his dead friends - but at the same time, there is an element to their relationship that doesn’t exist in Kakashi’s other friendships, and it’s the fact that Kakashi trusts Yamato with his kids, implicitly and without reservation. Kakashi’s entire life right now is very much enmeshed in what happens to his students, and even if he doesn’t necessarily talk about that with Yamato, Yamato is still deeply involved in that work. Yamato VOLUNTEERED for that work. And he continues to dedicate himself to it even when his first mission as Kakashi’s stand-in ends up going completely off the rails and turning into WAY more than he signed up for. He keeps doing his utmost for Kakashi’s kids without it even being his original responsibility, and that is such an unusual thing, for Kakashi, who in every other circumstance is always the one stepping in to help other people, the one who always shoulders his burdens alone. Nobody ever asks Kakashi if he needs help with these incredibly high-needs children, and neither does Yamato - but the difference is that Yamato jumps in to help regardless, and he stays no matter how complicated things get. That’s huge, and it’s only going to become more important. It’s just - it is difficult for Kakashi to have intimate friendships with people who don’t share his history, and this rules out almost everybody else in the world, because all the people who truly share his own history are dead. But the degree to which Yamato has altruistically and irreversibly entwined himself into the most important parts of Kakashi’s new history - the chapters being written right now, the ones that are going to define the rest of Kakashi’s life - means that Yamato is well on his way to breaking through that wall and becoming the first exception to a universal rule. [There is a lot to be said on Kakashi’s side of this, too, like - every time Kakashi refuses to call Yamato by his code name I lose my mind just a little bit, and I have MANY thoughts about Kakashi basically dragging folks who’ve been victimized or exploited or experimented on out of ANBU and then absorbing them into his own team, where they become a part of a family-type unit that respects them and cares about them and treats them like human beings. I mean, there’s a huge difference between the Yamato we meet in S2 vs. the Yamato we know in S10 (and the same thing goes for Sai!) - and that’s something I think about a lot.]

My favorite friendship between a group: I love all of the team dynamics, but Team Gai is a fave XD The absurd contrast between oh-so-serious Neji vs. Gai/Lee’s incredible goofiness (with Tenten’s exasperation in between) is comedy gold. I screamed with laughter in S1 when Gai was trying to get Neji to put his hand in the circle and do their “shout a slogan like a sports team” thing - I’ve never seen anything funnier on this show than jonin!Neji trying to put up with Gai’s antics.

My favorite mentorship: My favorite mentorship is always Kakashi and whichever kid happens be onscreen with him at that moment, but I’ll be honest and say that Kakashi+Sasuke was the first dynamic that got me actually invested in this show (as opposed to me just watching it because it was on and not really caring what happened to any of the characters). They are still the mentorship dynamic about which I have the most complex feelings, and that is especially true after the last season we watched. I will probably end up making a separate post about this, because I still have not written down all of my thoughts about the end of Season 10 and I am still trapped in my feelings about this very lost child and the only adult who ever tried to help him the way he deserved to be helped, and I know I have way more to say about them than I can reasonably fit in this bullet point. But - the short version is that I am super compelled by the way that every tragedy that’s befallen Kakashi is precisely what shapes him into the only adult who can help this particular kid, the way seemingly senseless events ended up putting Kakashi in a position where he’s the only adult who can intervene on this kid’s behalf many, many years later. The way Sasuke’s plight (and the potential that Kakashi has to help him) suddenly grants meaning to the worst parts of Kakashi’s life - that knocks me on my butt.

My favorite rivalry: So I probably would not have said this until the episode where Kakashi comes three seconds away from being made Hokage, but I’m gonna say Gai & Kakashi, solely to express my love and appreciation for Gai in that episode. This is the ep where Gai challenges Kakashi to a race through the entire village (as a sort of “last hurrah before we can’t do this kind of silly shit anymore” thing) and Kakashi is initially kind of reluctant to do it, because he’s stressed out about a lot of things, but he does end up agreeing to it, and then he has SO much fun, and I LOVED this so much; I can’t even tell you. This moment takes place immediately after Kakashi returns from that horrible, awful confrontation with Sasuke, and everything preceding this scene was very hard for me to see, because everybody is just asking Kakashi to do more and more and more for them without giving him even a hot minute to be like “i almost just killed my own kid. i almost just had to kill my own kid, who was trying to kill my other kid, who was trying to kill kid #1 first, so i wouldn’t have assume the burden of killing him myself.” Nobody checks on him, nobody asks, and Kakashi has to just hold onto that horror and also fret over the uncertain yet chilling secrets that Madara Uchiha disclosed and also prepare to shoulder the crushing weight of an office he never asked for - AND THEN. GAI SHOWS UP. And even though Gai doesn’t really know what happened, he still checks Kakashi over from top to bottom to make sure he’s in one piece, and then he drags him into this stupid competition, and it makes Kakashi LAUGH. They go running all out across the craterized scene of devastation that used to be their home, and they have FUN doing it, and Kakashi straight-up tells Gai, “This was just what I needed,” which - god. It would be great if Kakashi had somebody he could actually talk to, sure, but there’s also a space in our lives for people who just cheer us up, no questions asked. It’s like when you tell someone you have a problem and they ask, “Do you want to talk about it or do you want to be distracted?” Sometimes you don’t need to talk about it. Sometimes you just need people who will take you for a goofy footrace and make you feel like you’re running too fast for any of your troubles to ever touch you again, for a few minutes.

My favorite hatred/antipathy: The answer to this question used to be Kakashi and Itachi, and while I’m even MORE fascinated by their dynamic now than ever, it’s taken on a whole new dimension, given that I think Itachi is (secretly) thrilled to see someone like Kakashi so committed to taking him down and keeping Sasuke safe. So, in place of that, I’ll just say that I love how much all of the Akatsuki cannot stand each other XD Almost none of them get along, and it makes me laugh every time - I can’t believe they ever get anything done, though I guess that’s to be expected when you get that many super-criminals together in a room. I especially love how they all think Orochimaru is so stupid...cannot get over them laughing at him and his body-snatching immortality schemes.

My favorite potential relationship between characters who never talk in canon: Okay, these are both silly answers, but - I would have KILLED to see Jiraiya interacting with Minato’s team. Like, I’m certain they spent time together, but honestly, what I wouldn’t give to have witnessed some of it. All I could think about during that mini-arc where Jiraiya teaches Naruto how to sync up with Gamariki was how little!Kakashi would have taken one look at the dancing frogs and decided he would be using dog!summons for the rest of his life; meanwhile Obito would have already been in the frog’s mouth begging to be launched into the air like a cannonball. Also - my sister said the other night how it is a CRIME that we never got to see Sasuke forced to interact with Jiraiya and honestly, that is too true.

#naruto #pan watches naruto #long post #meta #(sort of)

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mendrax · 3 years

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My first review of Evangelion: 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time

Here’s my first impression under the cut...

The franchise as art.

Not just the Eva franchise but the concept of a franchise itself. Because franchises, as they exist in the world of filmmaking, are inherently a capitalist product designed for escapism. Let’s go to the movies for a brand new chapter in the ever-sprawling saga of commoditized characters conquering a new mile in the millennially trotted hero journey, yay! Isn’t that how you can describe the act of purchasing a ticket to the latest entry in your favorite franchise? And what’s so wrong with that, anyway? After all, we need our escapism when life becomes unbearable. It’s just a public service really!

And is Eva really that different? At the end of the day, no matter how avant-garde it can be, it’s still a product that we’ve come to consume, quite literally, again and again. Not only that, but it’s also a damn good profitable IP with millions of merchandise goods, box-office record numbers and, now, a distribution deal with one of the gods of capitalism: Amazon. Long gone are the days of non-profit experiencing of it. You can now legally pay to watch its whole audiovisual canon in Netflix and Prime.

Still, even after its paradoxical commodification, the text of Eva itself remains as a message of anti-escapism. No matter how many figures, blu-rays and streaming services you pay for, the message of Eva remains the same. A message that quite starkly opposes itself to this escapist consumerism. Even if, ironically, is this very message that, due to its humanity, has touched the hearts of millions who have then turned it into another comfort food. This is so sad, alexa play komm, susser tod…

Now, cynicism aside, the reason 3.0+1.0 elevates the concept of a franchise to an art form is, quite simply, because, at its best, art is a method of communication delivering a message that could only be delivered through its chosen medium. I could very easily tell you to go outside and touch some grass, talk to your parents and hug your dearest, but that’d never have the same impact as experiencing the Eva franchise from start to finish.

3.0+1.0 is a film that can’t work without experiencing all the films and TV episodes before it. I mean, it has its own beginning, middle and end but, really, its message can’t be as impactful without the other entries in its franchise. The film itself rehashes images and situations we’ve come to intimately know from its predecessors. Not only that but it converses with them, presenting nuanced and overt contrasts of key moments. Particularly in its final act, we see the reversal and echoes of a lot of moments from End of Evangelion. Asuka gets mangled, not by outside forces, but by her own doing. Misato gets shot but she survives this. Ritsuko shots Gendo, but doesn’t kill him. Shinji doesn’t punish Gendo by devouring him through Unit-01, but instead saves him by getting close to him. This last one might be one of the most heart-wrenching moments in the whole movie, which, it’s worth noting, serves as the wholesome counterpart to EoE’s bitter ending. To say nothing of the contrast 3.0+1.0 presents to EoE’s beach scene…

But these are all narrative points that, with some serious talent, could even be conveyed through literary form and film, as we know, its powerful because its an audiovisual medium. And here’s where Eva, time and again, separates itself from most, if not all, franchises in recent memory. Its images are not only narrative but discursive. I’d even argue that, come its ending, Eva uses images that don’t really advance its plot, but rather help to cement its discourse, its message. And its been doing that since eps 25-26… The last minutes of Eva will always be a Brechtian assault on the senses with images that demand to be studied and interpreted. They’re not there to finish the bedtime story with a kiss on the forehead of your overworked soul, but to shake it out of its zombie state and fill you with emotions you can’t even describe through words until much later, if at all… I believe that’s why a lot of us have come back to Eva again and again. Not necessarily for its plot, but for the rise of emotions and thoughts that bolt through your core as you experience its final moments and how they re-paint the whole journey you’ve just travelled to get there.

3.0+1.0 is filled with such images that, one day, I’d love to analyze. I’m still too shocked from having watched it almost 20 hrs ago and this is already too long, so I’ll leave this task for subsequent viewings… still my mind can’t help but replay certain images over and over, even as I write this… from Misato looking at the photo of her son and Shinji… Kaworu crying as Shinji extends his hand to him… the juxtaposition of Unit-01 lying on its side, staring at the phallic ruins of Nerv HQ, and Shinji, on the same position and equally sized, staring at the piano he played with Kaworu… baby Shinji blatantly rejecting Gendo, only to find comfort with his mom, and baby Asuka painfully looking at this from afar… to the shot of Shinji and Rei, discussing the neon genesis, on an dismantled theater, as frames from the TV anime are projected onto them and the brick wall behind them… I can’t word what these images mean yet, but I’m looking forward to doing it one day…

I suppose this has turned into a long ramble, but I’m still sure of my opening thought. 3.0+1.0 takes elements of every entry on the Evangelion franchise to express a message that could only be conveyed with such impact by having consumed the entire franchise beforehand, and it does so in a way that doesn’t perpetuate the comfortable escapism of other franchises. Its very message of anti-escapism and use of images that converse emotionally, aesthetically, and intellectually with the viewer prevent it from being purely a capitalist product designed for escapism. It’s a piece of art, worth of being discussed at the same level of any work from a grand master of any other type of art. But it’s also a franchise… hopefully this will inspire more franchises as art forms.

And now, as a post-scriptum, because no review of Eva is worth anything without some shameless personal history, I must say that my journey with Eva has been like none other piece of media… I was introduced by it at 18 years old, fresh out of high school, by the person who would become my best friend, and I remember, back then, finding it incredibly comforting and enigmatic. It helped me through a period of drastic change in my life, from changing majors halfway from English to Film, to becoming an older brother at 19 (after a life of being an only child). I was incredibly depressed and struggled with addiction for years after that. I related to Shinji and his perpetual running away from life but, now, seven years later I got to see the conclusion to that journey my best friend invited me to… I also earned my bachelor’s degree in film, have a comfortable job and have been sober for 10 months. I don’t run away as much but I’d be lying if I wasn’t still, somewhat, disconnected from most people in my life. To be honest, I related so much to Gendo’s story on this film and that scared me. It’s still hard to let people in but, still, there’s been some growth. Small victories that allowed me to accept this final film’s message as completely valid. It’s just so wholesome, isn’t it? And yet, there’s a bittersweetness to it… like in every ending, you’re glad it happened but it’s painful coming to terms that it’s over. I cried for a good thirty minutes after it was over, washing the tears away, only to stare at my reflection and turn into a sobbing mess… I’ll never get to experience anything like this for the first time and that’s just incredibly sad… still, I’m so fucking glad for it all, even the wait (as shorter as it was for me) and I do believe I’ll be able to say bye-bye, all of Evangelion… one day.

#evangelion 3.0+1.0 #neon genesis evangelion #Shinji Ikari #Kaworu Nagisa #rei ayanami #gendo ikari #Misato Katsuragi

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theangstyboiblog · 3 years

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How I Met Your Mother | Captain Rex Pt. 4

Kit accompanies Obi-Wan on his search to capture General Grievous. At Obi-Wan's order she takes Rex and his men to search for the separatist general, but leads them right into an ambush.

Follows the events of season 2's ep. 10: The Deserter.

I ended up splitting this part of the story into multiple parts because I figured someone would kill me if I posted a 5k word chapter on here (you’re welcome). Also, if you haven't noticed, we're going for a slow-burn here. I don't think Rex would be someone to fall in love at first sight (he’s got too much to lose, and too much work to do), and neither would Kit. So we're gonna take our time to get to know one another.

Anyways, see you tomorrow!

Part one | Part two | Part three |

The battle had been long. The deaths had taken their toll. It took us three hours to reach the surface of Saleucami where General Grievous’ ship had finally gone down. The troops were on high alert as we began to disembark the cruiser to begin our search for the separatist general. Swallowing a deep breath I made my way down the ramp keeping an eye on the back of Jedi General Master Obi-Wan Kenobi as he spoke to a small holo image. Quietly, I stepped up next to him, arms crossed as I listened in on their conversation.

“Our sensors are picking up multiple crash landings across the planet, you’ll have to pick your search area wisely,” Admiral Yularen said quickly. “General Grievous will have a head start on you.”

“We will find him,” Obi-Wan assured the Admiral with a firm nod before signing off. He glanced over at me. Then without a word he slipped the holo disc into his pocket.

“It’s what happens when we find him, that worries me,” I murmured under my breath before I could stop myself.

Obi-wan stilled as the troops around us continued their way down the ramp, trackers, speeders and walker tanks rumbling along. I watched over them, jaw tense, a painful coil in my stomach. “I sense much fear in you, Kit,” Master Kenobi said softly.

I looked up at Obi-Wan for a moment, then back down at the men. “Grievous has killed Jedi Knights that were far stronger than I am. Smarter too.” I curled my hands into fists, the memories of young, familiar voice crying out through the force. I had felt their pain. A quick look at Obi-wan told me he had felt it too.

“You fear dying, it’s perfectly natural.”

I shook my head. “Not dying. At least that’s part of it but not the most of it. It’s failing, Master Kenobi.” I glanced at him. “Not being strong enough to protect the people around me. That’s what I fear.”

Obi-wan looked me over for a moment. “Facing such a fear aloud does you credit. My advice would be to know your fear as what it truly is. Don’t give into the fear of loss.” He crossed his arms. “Knowing why you are afraid can empower you, but to focus on it can cloud your judgement.”

“So, accept that I’m not strong enough, and just do what I can?” I asked, after a moment of contemplation.

Obi-wan inclined his head and set his hands behind his back before walking down the ramp. “You’re very astute, Kit.” Holding back a sigh, I trailed after him and we made our way towards one of the ground transports tanks, my jaw still clenched, the worry still enveloping me.

That’s still easier said than done, Master Kenobi.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“There’s nothing here, sir!” a trooper called up to us from inside the crashed ship. Obi-wan and I shared a look. “But the engines are still warm!”

“Grievous could be anywhere,” I said as I turned on my heel, examining the horizon. Above us two clones scaled their way down the side of the ship. At first glance I didn’t recognize them, but then I noticed the jaig eyes on the helmet under his arm. “Captain Rex,” I greeted giving the man a soft smile as they approached. A look of surprise flashed over his face for a moment, before it disappeared and I bit back a chuckle. Didn’t think I’d recognize you?

“General Tolsim,” he said with a nod before turning to Obi-wan and doing the same. “General Kenobi, the crew compartment is almost entirely destroyed.”

Obi-Wan sauntered up and stood next to me arms crossed. “We need to split into teams.” He turned to me. “Kithrid, take Rex, Jesse, Hardcase and Kix and search that wetland.”

I nodded. “Yes, Master,” I said, glancing at the clones he had pointed to. Raising my eyebrows, I inclined my head and moved past them to begin climbing down from the ship. On the ground we began to jog towards the speeders, Rex taking the lead. I studied him for a moment. He didn’t pay me a second look.

“Battle droids in a wetland would be like throwing a shock grenade in the fresher,” Jesse grumbled behind me, glancing at me when he realized he’d spoken louder than he’d meant to. “Hope you’re ready for a boring swamp tour, General.”

I chuckled and glanced at the, Captain. “The last time I let Captain Rex take me on a tour, it turned out to be quite the opposite of boring.”

Looking over his shoulder, Rex shot me a frown. “It ---”

“Oh, really?” Jesse said, his voice teasing. As a group we slowed to a stop everyone taking a speeder. “You’ll have to tell us about that tour sometime, General,” he said, egging his Captain on. Rex stared straight ahead as he readied his speeder.

I thumbed the throttle on mine and edged my way forward until I was just barely ahead of him. Then I looked over my shoulder, smiled and shrugged. “Sometime,” I told Jesse. Then I looked to Rex and gave him a questioning nod. “Let’s move out.” With a lurch my speeder took off, racing forward, leaving the clones doing their best to keep up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jesse had a point about the wetlands. Unless Grievous was traveling with amphibious droids, this lower terrain was unfriendly to anything short of a hover bike. There’s nothing here. Peering through a pair of electro binoculars, I looked down from the ridge we had stopped on, sweeping the flat lands below us carefully.

“I don’t see anything,” I said as I handed the binocs to Hardcase. I glanced to the speeder next to me as Rex put his flipped back the scope on his helmet.

“Nothing,” he said, looking over at me. He pointed to the right of our location. “That ridge should give us another good viewpoint to scout from. If there’s no sign of them by that point, I suggest we call it in and regroup with General Kenobi.”

“Agreed,” I said as I thumbed the throttle on my speeder. “Lead the way, Captain.”

With a nod and not another word, Rex took the lead, speeding down the side of the ridge. Looking over my shoulder I maneuvered my bike ahead of Kix, taking the second position in the pack as we wove our way through the brush, over mudholes and washed-out creeks.

I almost ran over Rex when the shot hit. A flash broke on the hill ahead of us. And in the next moment, the captain was flying back through the air. A hard lurch of the controls pulled me to the left just in time to miss hitting him as he was thrown to the ground. His speeder rolled end over end, a cloud of dust filling the air. I could barely see.

“Protect the captain,” a voice yelled. I wasn’t sure whose. Jesse? Hardcase? I turned around, looking over my shoulder to find Kix’s speeder rounding back to Rex’s position. I should have faced forward then. I should have been alert. I should have been ready.

The second shot missed me, but hit my speeder right in the engine. My momentum died, the controls locked in my hands and my hands held on when my mind was screaming to let go. If I had let go, it wouldn’t have been so bad. As it was, I was pulled with the bike as it turned sharply, my weight pulling it further until at one point I found myself staring an inch away from the ground. Then it rolled. My hands finally let go of the steering bars, but not until after my left leg was smashed between the speeder and the ground.

Somehow, someway everything finally came to a standstill. Nothing moved. The world didn’t move. My body didn’t move. Face down on the ground, sprawled out like a baby on a crawling mat, I couldn’t breathe. I wasn’t sure I wanted to.

Then the pain hit, and my lungs drew breath instinctively.

“Kriff,” I rasped as my body seized up with pain. I curled in on myself, the crown of my head pressed to the ground, the body’s weight pressing down on my forearms. My right leg pulled up to my chest, but my left leg --- no matter how much my body commanded it to move, it stayed still. Blasters fired in the distance, the sound of speeders whirred. Looking down under my body I glimpsed my leg and immediately felt the need to vomit.

Fuck that’s not pointing the right way.

Crying out, I forced my body to turn over so that I was on my buttocks, legs out stretched. My hands flew to my thigh, trying to keep my leg from twisting even worse.

“General Tolsim!” Hardcase and Jesse’s speeders whirred towards me both men jumping off before they had fully stopped. Tears blur my eyes as I fight them back, Jesse and Hardcase moving around me to find some way to help. Just then Kix’s voice comes over our comms.

“Jesse, you better get back here,” he said, his voice ominous.

I grit my teeth and waved them off. “Get to your Captain. Help Kix.” Hardcase moved next to me, putting on my shoulder.

“Ma’am your leg---”

“Isn’t going to kill me. One of you go,” I panted. The two men shared a look, before Jesse hopped onto his speeder and rode off. “Gaah,” I groaned as I collapsed back on my elbows.

“I’m going to stabilize your leg until Kix can get to you, General,” Hardcase said, taking off his helmet. I nodded, breathing hard and fast. Biting the inside of my cheek I force my breathing to slow, and cut my eyes over to Hardcase.

“Do it.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By the time Jesse and the others found a place for us to spend the night, I was ready to cut off my leg. It felt like deadweight at the moment --- heavy, useless weight. Using Hardcase for support I followed after Kix and Jesse as they carried a still unconscious Rex into the barn the farmer’s wife had allowed us to use. Helping me settle down on a bench along the far wall, Hardcase soon joined his brothers in removing Rex’s armor. I ground my teeth as I got my first view of the hole that had nearly blown through his chest plate. My brow dipped as I focused on the captain, trying to get a sense of what was going on as the clones around him blocked my view. With a slow breath, I finally opened my eyes as I sensed his lifeforce.

He’s alive. Weak, but he’s alive.

Digging through his med kit, Kix brought out a bacta patch and affixed it to Rex’s chest, before giving him a direct injection of bacta. Two seconds later, Rex was awake.

“Wh-what happened?” he asked, trying to set up, before Kix or perhaps the pain forced him back down on the table.

“Sniper shot,” I said through grit teeth. Rex’s head turned, eyes zeroing in on me, before drifting down to my leg.

“General, what--- Kix, get off of me,” he ordered, rolling over.” Massive bruising had broken out across his back. “I can’t move my arm,” he said. I wasn’t surprised but I kept it to myself.

“You have nerve damage,” Kix offered.

“Understood, let’s move ---”

Before Rex could say more, all three troopers surrounding him had pressed him back onto the table. “As the team medic, when it comes to the health of you and the men… I outrank everyone,” Kix said, quickly. “So, I respectfully order you, sir, to get some rest.”

The room fell deathly quiet as Kix and Rex stared one another down. Finally, Rex gave in. “Very well,” he said, lying back on the table as Jesse draped a blanket over him. Turning his head, Rex looked to me. “Will you give them their orders, General?”

I nodded and turned to Jesse. “Jesse, take Kix and Hardcase and continue the search. Get word to Master Kenobi when you’re in range and let him know your findings and…” I glanced down at my leg. “Let him know that Captain Rex and I are both injured. We’ll regroup with you back at base camp when we’re able.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Jesse said with a firm nod. Picking up his helmet, Hardcase mirrored him and followed Jesse out the door.

Kix stepped back from Rex’s table and moved towards me, bag in hand. “I’ve got enough bacta to help your pain ma’am.”

I glanced round the room, eyes falling on the clone drifting in and out on the table. I looked over his chest. That’s gonna take a lot more help before he’s even close to moving. Lifting my head, I stared up at Kix. “Just splint it, Kix. Use what bacta you have left on the captain.”

Kix shook his head, brow furrowing. “Ma’am---”

“Yes, yes, you outrank everyone, I know,” I stretched out my leg best I could, unable to hide a grimace. “But I’m allergic to bacta.” Kix stared at me with a frown, Jesse and Hardcase stood behind him eyes wide. On the table, Rex lay on his back, head turned towards us. His frown was just as bad as Kix’s, if not worse. I ignored it. “I swell up like a gorg in a steam box,” I said. “The best we can do is splint it and let it heal on its own,” I said, as I looked down at my leg. I looked back up at Kix. “So what will it be, Kix?”

With a sigh, Kix knelt next to me, shoving the vial of bacta into his bag. “It’s gonna hurt, ma’am.”

“It already does, I don’t see how it could get worse,” I said, almost missing the look Kix gave me before setting to work.

I was wrong. It hurt. Everything hurt.

By the time Kix was done with me, I was ready to quit. I had found myself eyeing his med bag, where I knew the bottle of bacta was safely stored away. Patience. A voice said in my head. Pain is fleeting.

“You’ll need to keep your weight off your leg until we can get you to a cruiser,” Rex said as he began to pack up his things. I laid back on the bench, the rise and fall of my chest slowing as I finally relaxed. With my leg stabilized, the pain wasn’t nearly as bad. For a few seconds here and there I might have even forgotten it was broken.

I wiped my hand down my face. “I promise to stay off it,” I told him as I crossed my heart. Turning my head, I glanced at Rex, finding him still asleep. “Anything I should know about him before you leave?”

Kix raised an eyebrow. “About the captain?” he asked, voice sounding confused.

I frowned. “What---oh,” I realized where he’d misunderstood my question. “No, I mean about his wounds. How long before he’ll need another dose of pain meds?”

Kix nodded, understanding me finally. He set his bag next on the ground next to me. “He’s already had a lot, should last him awhile. When he wakes up, if he’s hurting give it to him. Better to stay on top of the pain. Once you start really feeling it, it’s hard to catch up.”

I sat up. “Got it. Thank you, Kix. You better head out or they’ll leave without you.”

Kix straightened up to stand at attention. “Ma’am,” he said, turning towards the door. The sound of speeders taking off followed a few minutes later and I breathed out a sigh and shook my head.

“Kriff,” I muttered as I looked around the barn. Rex lay motionless, save for the soft rise and fall of his chest and a soft twitch along his brow ever now and then.

See what your weakness leads to, a voice said in my head and I found myself holding my breath. You couldn’t even take a small group out on patrol without injuring yourself and watching as the group’s leader was blasted off his bike. What kind of leader are you, Tolsim? Worthless---

Reaching up, I wiped my nose on my sleeve. When my voice left my throat, it was small, barely a whisper as I closed my eyes.

“Emotion, yet peace.”

“Ignorance, yet knowledge.”

“Passion, yet serenity.”

“Chaos, yet harmony.”

“Death, yet the Force.”

My hands clasped as I repeated the Jedi Code again and again. Slowly the world began to fade, only to be interrupted by the pain in my leg, the thoughts in my head that belonged to a voice that wasn’t mine.

Focus. I told myself. Look past the pain. Use the Force and be healed.

“Emotion, yet peace…”

~~~~

I meditated until mid-afternoon, the pain in my leg dulled to brief moments whenever I tried to move it. It was better than what I’d hoped for, but still not healed enough for me to stand on it fully. If my focus hadn’t been stolen, I might have healed myself more. As it was, I was brought out of my trance by a moan of pain. At first, I forgot where I was. I forgot that I wasn’t alone. Then another sound met my ears. A whimper.

Looking up, I found Rex still on the table, head rolling back and forth as he slept fitfully.

Time for more meds.

“Ready for another dose of bacta, Captian?” I asked, rising from my seat. I didn’t expect him to wake so quickly, but as soon as I called to him, Rex opened his eyes and peered over at me, wrinkles on his forehead as he tried to stave off his pain.

“Your leg,” Rex said, eyes dropping down the length of my body.

“Is healing.” I raised my hand, and curled my fingers in a soft gesture. “Sit up, please.” Bending down, I grabbed the med bag and brought out the last bacta injection.

“Are you really allergic to Bacta?” Rex asked as he sat up with a groan.

“No.”

Rex froze, and I could feel his eyes scanning my face. “So you lied.”

I shook my head. “It’s not the first time I’ve told a lie in your presence.”

“But you’re hurt too, you should’ve---” Uncapping the lid of the bacta injection, I jabbed the side of Rex’s neck with the needle. Rex smacked his palm against his throat with a hiss as I pulled back. “Kriff, General.”

“I can heal myself, Rex,” I said as I tossed the empty vial into the bag. With a grimace I turned on my heel. “Not perfectly, but faster than a bottle of bacta can.”

“Then why didn’t you just say you could heal yourself?” Rex asked as I hobbled away from him, using the table as a support.

“Arguing with Kix didn’t seem very appealing,” I said as I sat back down, lifting my leg to elevate it on the bench beneath me. Rex relaxed on the table with a sigh and shook his head. Crossing my arms and let out my own sigh. “I’m not great at this healing thing, if I’m being honest,” I said as aches panged and pinged through my body.

“All the more reason you---”

“But I’m in better shape than you, Rex. You were shot in the chest. My leg is mangled, but a little pain isn’t going to kill me,” I said. I ran my hands up and down my thighs gingerly. Rex was silent for a moment and I looked up, expecting to find him asleep. Instead, I found him watching over me, his face almost what I would call relaxed.

“You can’t save all of us, Ma’am,” he said after a moment and the breath in my chest stalled, caught in my lungs.

Shaking my head, I laughed him off. “I didn’t save you, Rex.”

Rex smiled and looked up at the ceiling. “Tell that to my shoulder. Felt like I was being stabbed before you gave me that shot.” I watched as his smile disappeared. His eyes fell and met mine. “I know you felt bad about Hevy, back on Rishi Station. And I’m not saying that’s why you did what you did here, but you’re in command.” My smile cracked as he stared at me from across the room. “Next time, take the bacta, ma’am. You’re needed more than a few---”

“Captain,” I cut him off, an edge to my voice. Rex’s lips stilled, voice caught in his throat as his sentence went unfinished, but we both knew what he was really trying to say.

You’re needed more than a few clones. I shake my head, because I know he is wrong. But I don’t correct him.

“Rest,” I said after a moment of silence. I cut my eyes at him. Please, let it go.

Screwing his mouth into a frown, Rex turned his head and faced away from me. “Yes, Ma’am.”

Shaking my head, I slowly closed my eyes and took a deep breath, and fell back into my meditation trance as Rex’s breathing fell once more into a deep rhythm. Soon, the barn and even the sound of him faded away.

#captain rex #ct-7567 #tcw #tcw rex #original character #romance

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dotthings · 5 years

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After 15.07 ended I had to sit there crying for about ten minutes, marinating in my Dean feelings. So that’s how things are going here.

[[MORE]]

Dean sure is drinking a lot. Oh sweetie. Sure he’s fine. He’s just fine. Perfectly fine. It’s not just Cas weighing on him but Cas is gone yet still out there. But away from him, and he’s feeling alienated from Cas, and Dean’s got this existential crisis about the meaning of his whole life, and he’s just not fine.

Domestic Sam and Eileen cooking together in the bunker kitchen and acting like they’ve been married for 15 years or so I CAN’T EVEN. Those moments of domesticity are important to give this story texture. It’s never going to be all about cooking in the bunker kitchen being adorable but these are complex characters with layers and whole lives and soft marshmallow centers underneath their harsh, monster-hunting shells and I LOVE IT.

Dean likes Eileen (and she made bacon, thus winning a thousand points) and the only point during these scenes Dean showed really any lightening of his burdens was seeing Sam and Eileen together and teasing Sam about her. He just wants Sam to be happy, and Sam is worried about Dean, and oh my heart *squishes them*. “That’s progress, right?” Sam tells Eileen all hopeful, because Dean went out on a hunt. Oh Sam, honey, Sam you know better than that but you want Dean to be okay as much as Dean is posturing to be okay so you’re trying to roll with it. Dean fleeing from his life into a hunt isn’t really a good sign though.

When Dean finds Lee, it’s the first time all season we’ve seen him all the way through happy. I’m not sure I’ve seen Dean look that kind of happy well...ever. My heart is SHATTERING HERE. It’s like this is the Dean that could be, if circumstances had been less brutal, if the monsters, and heaven, and hell, and God himself, had been less brutal, if his mom hadn’t died when he was four, if John had been well...not the way John was to him, and even with all that, the capability is still in Dean, that sense of joy in being alive, in being open.

This ep is kind of underscoring how important different kinds of relationships are. No matter how much I love the relationships of Team Free Will, none of them can be all the things for each other, even if it’s three instead of just two. Eileen and Sam’s rapport shows it in this ep and Dean’s rapport with Lee shows it. It doesn’t mean Cas and Sam are less important to Dean. And I think Dean and Cas really belong together and are suited, if they can climb over being their own worst enemies, and Sam and Dean are Sam and Dean, but Dean and Lee have their own thing too and it BREAKING MY HEART SEEING THIS.

Oooh Eileen makes her move and Sam seems interested and—-LOLOLOL Cas cockblocks Saileen.

Sam is so damn pissy about Cas not getting back to him I am loving it.

“Yeah, I got better.” This should be a crest on a stone shield over the bunker door at this point, everyone in it died at one point or another...but then they got better.

Cas IMMEDIATELY demanding “Where’s Dean?”

He’s so put out that Dean isn’t there akdlfjkl;asjg;lahf even though Cas doesn’t want to talk to him right now. WHERE’S DEAN. The song of the Castiel.

Dean assuming that Lee probably died after they lost touch because “I mean that’s how this usually ends” is the most hunter most sad thing ever.

But no he didn’t die, he retired and bought a bar, he’s living Dean’s Rocky’s Bar dream and everything hurts.

So Eileen realizes that whatever Sergei is planning to do about Sam’s God bullet wound is a bad idea, while Sam and Cas jump right in because they just want to get Chuck and of course it goes badly. This is peak Team Free Will dumbassery. Eileen is such a reasonable, sensible voice here but it doesn’t stop them.

Cas finally calls Dean on purpose because Sam is hurt, I mean nothing brings bickering husbands together like mutual worry over one of their kids. Also Cas is so distressed about Sam, maybe he wants Dean there, it’s almost not quite a flip on Dean praying to Cas needing Cas there personally when he’s scared for Sam.

“If you don’t help me tonight I will find you and burn you alive.” Fierce Cas protecting Sam. I’m all tingly.

So Dean asks Lee “who’s going to kill the bad guys”

“Somebody else” says Lee.

At first, Lee’s ideas about retirement sound like not a completely terrible idea, there is more to life than hunting, and maybe Dean should have the chance to explore that. Oh and it sounds like this friendship with Lee was something Dean had while Sam was an Stanford and I have so many thoughts on that, those years are left unfilled in by canon, we can only surmise and piece together. The idea that Dean was fully lonely the entire time, completely lost without his brother...maybe not so much. Much as it was also hard on Dean having Sam leave him and John behind so completely and I’m sure it hurt. But here’s the thing, they spent years apart, and both had their lives, and this look into a friendship from Dean’s past, while Sam had Jess...interesting. Again, gee it’s like more than one relationship in people’s lives matter.

Eileen looking after Sam who is suffering from a wound “down to his very soul.” Eileen’s worried little face. Cas’s worried face.

Okay okay I knew Lee could turn out to be evil, I knew that, I still shouted NOOOOOOOO. Figured ahead of time this ep could go one of three ways. 1. Djinn dream and Lee wasn’t real 2. Lee is real but good 3. Lee is real and was a friend but turns out to be a betrayer or a monster or dies (ooh fun times we went with a triumvirute on number 3)

I was actually getting annoyed at Cas for trusting Sergei in the first place but then Cas, the tactician, the smart ruthless angel, is holding a captive over Sergei. He knew Sergei might screw them over all along and was prepared.

Eileen pinning Sergei angrily up against the wall by his throat, threatening him for Sam’s sake. SAM THIS ONE IS A KEEPER.

Also Eileen reminds me a lot of Cas. They can both be soft but have this ruthless streak, this warrior fury that comes out.

Oh welp here we go, Lee let the darkness eat his heart. He wasn’t turned into a monster, and he doesn’t do it for greed, it just...ate him up, all he wanted, after his trauma, was some peace but there are costs too high and he gave up what was good about him to get some minor good fortune, his dream bar.

“If evil like that exists int he world, guys like you and me, we aren’t ever going to win”

“No one’s innocent”

“Are we owed a little happiness”

“Good or bad, the world doesn’t care. No one cares, Dean.”

So while Dean is facing this existential abyss about whether anything he’s done, all the trauma he’s gone through, had any meaning, because he found out God was outright manipulating events around him his whole life, on purpose, for entertainment, there’s his old friend, someone Dean clearly connected strongly with and cares about, spilling his own abyss out onto the table in front of Dean and the abyss in Lee is a lot darker and danker and rotted than Dean’s, and Dean’s the one who has to contend with actual freakin’ GOD screwing him over, personally, his whole life.

“Well I do.”

This is probably where I started crying during the episode, because of Dean. Because of all the trauma, all the losses, all the unimaginable horrors he’s faced, including his own inner demons, and he never gave up and he never lost his caring for the world and for others. He often doesn’t care much about himself but he never stopped CARING. And his spirit and his heart are as fierce and butt-kicking as his monster-fighting and hand-to-hand combat skills (I so enjoyed this bamf Dean fight scene) and that is why I love Dean SO SO MUCH.

*pauses to cry again*

“I am you. That woke up and saw the world was broken.” But Lee doesn’t know that Dean knows the world is broken. He knows eactly how broken the world is, how literally broken, that it’s just one of Chuck’s many drafts, and how uncaring Chuck the creator really is. It doesn’t get more world-breaking than that, and Dean knows, and IT DIDN’T BREAK DEAN. Lee’s projecting, he just can’t understand how someone who is like him, who’s witnessed horrors like what he’s witnessed, isn’t broken the way Lee is. But Dean is Dean, he isn’t Lee.

“Why do you care so much Dean?”

“Because someone has to.”

Oh hey because I haven’t made this post painful enough yet with Dean analysis, let’s take a look back at 2.20 What Is and What Should Never Be (transcript courtesy of superwiki)

“All of them. Everyone that you saved, everyone Sammy and I saved. They're all dead. And there's this woman, that's haunting me. I don't know why. I don't know what the connection is, not yet anyway. It's like my old life is, is coming after me or something. Like it like it doesn't want me to be happy. Course I know what you'd say. Well, not the you that played softball but... "So go hunt the Djinn. He put you here, it can put you back. Your happiness for all those people's lives, no contest. Right?" But why? Why is it my job to save these people? Why do I have to be some kind of hero? (begins to cry while talking) What about us, huh? What, Mom's not supposed to live her life, Sammy's not supposed to get married? Why do we have to sacrifice everything, Dad?”

But Dean is way past this, he’s gone through that stage of questioning and come out the other side. He tells Lee nobody owes him anything. He isn’t owed a reward. He just cares because he does and that’s...well, that’s kind of how life is. As fans, we talk about what our favorites deserve, and of course they deserve some peace and happiness. But that’s not always how it works...still they can keep hoping and we can keep hoping for them. The story isn’t over.

Whereas Lee, when he asked those questions about “why us, why do we have to be the heroes” came out the other side completely broken and corrupt.

The way Dean’s eyes went dead inside when he had to stab Lee. Like a light went out in Dean as Lee died. The contrast between that and his light-hearted pure joy at seeing his old friend again. JUST STAB ME TOO OKAY

Oh my goodness Dean’s return to the bunker and that awkward awkward face to face with Cas and neither of them seems angry any more even but there’s so so much negative space between them and Dean seems like he wants to maybe bridge the gulf but now Cas shuts Dean out, cuts him off, and walks out of the room, a flip on what Dean was doing in eps 1-3 to Cas. And the STARING oh my god the staring. Despite their problems, despite everything, Dean and Cas have a powerful bond and bonds don’t have to be trouble free and perfect to be good ones. They’re going to fix this, if they can climb over their walls and their issues and find their joy together. Because they are both worth it. They are also similar. No matter what’s been thrown at them, how much suffering, how much trauma. Cas, like Dean, keeps getting back up, and hasn’t lost his caring. “Too much heart was always Castiel’s problem” and it’s actually Dean’s problem too and by problem, for them on this, we actually mean great big asset.

Both of them, Cas last week, and Dean this week, undergo something separately that shows them why they have to get back into the fight, and not run away from everything (or each other, I think, that’s tacit). “If I stay here nothing changes” Cas said in 15.06. Cas was able to prove to himself, for himself, that he could save people, that he wasn’t an entire failure, and Dean went through an experience in 15.07 that jolted him to connect with his own sense of caring again, to feel the meaning in who he is and what he does, and how much he cares. Despite Chuck’s nonsense, he still cares about everything, so much it hurts.

#Sam Winchester #Dean Winchester #Castiel #Eileen Leahy #Destiel #Saileen #Lee Webb #Sam and Dean: a work in progress #Sam and Cas #Dean and Lee #me x Dean feelings #spn #supernatural #supernatural spoilers #meta

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virgils-thundercloud · 4 years

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12x10 is a blessing. A true motherfucking blessing

In my mind it’s the perfect episode. Good screen time for Gallavich, actual sibling interaction between the Gallaghers, interesting side plots, an overall amazing plot and episode. Usually I’d be dragging the writers or the editors but everyone really fucking nailed it.

This episode really felt like the quality of older Shameless seasons. It had so much hilarious and heartwarming sibling interaction so the episode actually felt connected (which I'll touch on later) and it had some of that South Side charm added to it with Mickey running after Terry with a shotgun with no hesitation, the things that made this show stick out in the first place.

Ian and Mickey made me literally shake and squeal, which was painful to hold in since I had to wait until 1am to watch the ep. Noel and Cameron really brought their A game to this episode and you could tell in so many scenes. When Ian had to calm Mickey down, Ian’s close-to-tears look when he looked at the smoke, Ian and Mickey’s hopelessness in the kitchen and Ian not being able to reassure Mick because outside of the Milkovich family he’s probably the only one who knows what Terry’s capable of, the pure looks of happiness all through the wedding and the reception. It’s enough to make a bitch cry. And it did. I’m the bitch and I cried a lot. Every one of their scenes hit me right in the feels in one way or another. Personal favourites include: their morning scene (Mickey’s lil eye crinkles), them talking about kids (”I wouldn’t mind a kid or two.” “There’s lots of strays runin’ around. I’m sure we could pick one up for cheap.”), them showing up to the new venue (”the chivari chairs look good”), the actual ceremony obviously (I, Mikhalio, take you, Ian, as my husband. To have and to hold, for better and for worse, in sickness and in health etc.), and the slow dance scene (I should probably go dance with my husband). okay so basically all their scenes but still. These two really got the screen time and the storyline they deserved and if you’re familiar with their story together then you can almost hear what they’re thinking at times. Especially with the Terry stuff and the “Mickey might have to marry Debbie” stuff. Long story short, Gallavich in this episode owns my entire heart, soul, and being.

The Gallagher sibling interaction this season has been low if at all, but this episode kinda makes up for it. We have Carl engaging with Liam, Ian and Mickey, Liam engaging with Lip, Mickey and Frank, Lip engaging with Debbie, Liam, Carl, Ian and Mickey, Debbie engaging with Lip, Ian and Mickey, and Ian interacting with all of his siblings. Lip’s little pep talk with Ian just before the ceremony starts, Debbie’s talk with Ian about Monica, Lip and Debbie working together to save Ian and Mickey’s wedding, etc. It was all beautiful. Yeah Lip had his own shit, and it was pretty important shit, but he didn't ruin Ian’s wedding over it. The scene with Carl, Lip, Sandy, Kev, V and Debbie doing everything they can to find another venue while Ian and Mickey had already given up was a godsend because it really showed how even after all the years, they’re still the most important thing in each others eyes. And even though Liam wasn’t there with them, he not only was getting Gallavich their honeymoon car but he also got Frank to come to the wedding because he knew Ian would appreciate it even if he said otherwise. Also, Lip and Debs and everyone else coming together to secure a venue, low-key scam the homophobic owners, and protect Ian and Mickey from Terry hit differently and it really cements how much everyone cares about them. (even if that one dude at the bar was a bit of a dick) And that Franny content was beautiful. I also liked how Frank was crying by the end of there ceremony. He does still care!

Usually I don't get too invested in Lip’s storylines but this one hit hard. His argument with Tami made me feel so bad for him and doubled my dislike for Tami even if she came around in the end. I started to cry when Lip started drinking and then again when he went to his sponsor’s house looking broken. I felt so bad for him. And I actually liked Debbie in this episode, which is a rare occurrence. Julia was being a bitch and Debs tried to kick her out, but didn't make a scene at the wedding. I do feel a bit bad that she had to miss her brother’s wedding so she could distract the owner though. JULIA CAN GO TO HELL AND STAY AWAY FROM CARL PLS & THANK YOU.

Things about this episode I didn't like:

-How Debbie just let Julia stay there? Like I know she tried to get her to leave but it’s not like they're strangers to this sort of thing. Get Sandy to carry that bitch’s ass out and leave her in the streets.

- “Good morning Mr Gallavich” I hope they dont stick with that name. It’s kinda cute but I would’ve preferred Gallagher-Milkovich

-The Gay Jesus squad came out of nowhere but I'll accept it because they kept Terru away

-I loved the Gallavich content we got but maybe if they talked about how this shit was affecting them?? Kinda OOC but I can dream

I loved the cake toppers tho.

TL;DR: This episode was perfect and everything I wanted and Cam & Noel are the best humans and actors.

So yeah that's my review. This is my first time being in the fandom for the airing of a season finale and I have no been disappointed. See you in season 11!

#Shameless #season 10 #season finale #gallavich #gallahitched #gallavich wedding #Ian gallagher #mickey milkovich #mister and mister gallavich???#lip gallagher #Debbie gallagher #carl gallagher #Liam gallagher #sandy milkovich #Terry milkovich #12x10 #Franny gallagher #frank gallagher

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gasp-iwrotesomething · 4 years

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Four Minutes Too Late (SFW)

Summary: MC had four minutes to bring him back; what she thought to be enough time. She was horrifically wrong. Now, after returning home numb from her failure, MC’s heart chips at the last note he left for her... and she wishes she could sock him one last time.

Word Count: 1,928

Genre: Angst (SFW)

Warning(s): MAJOR SPOILERS FOR CAL S2, EPS 10-12, mentions of death, a bunch of angst

A/N: Here’s an alternate version of the finale of Cal North’s season 2 where the resurrection fails and MC reads the note he wrote to her. The idea of this is right up my alley for severe angst so enjoy this heartbreaking fic as much as you can.

Also inspired by the this post by @official-alex-cyprin.

MC couldn’t keep still.

Despite the numbness infecting her body, MC’s legs continued to carry around the room as she paces restlessly. How could she rest? Cal was dead. He was gone and he would never come back. MC had repeated that a thousand times over in her head at this point but somehow, after stating this in the space and comfort of her room, it still rattles her from the inside out. First with her heart shuddering and crying with the truth at hand, then the tears that prick her eyes goading her to actually cry. I failed. I failed him. And he had to suffer the consequences. She shuts her eyes against the intense waves of guilt and frustration and sadness that all lap at her, tugging and knotting her heartstrings sordidly. As morbid as it sounded, it was true; no one could convince her otherwise. Cal had sought her out specifically--asked for her assistance and utter trust--and relied on her to do her part. Bring him back to life. But she didn’t. MC tried with every ounce of her being to focus on breathing life back into him, conduct CPR until his chest moved, stab the adrenaline shot into his heart until she could feel the dull thump of it against her fingertips... But nothing happened. Thirty seconds passed--nothing. Then a minute--nothing--then two, then three, then four until Wrath had to pull her away--drag her back into reality and relay the message that it was too late. Cal was gone.

MC collapses backwards onto her bed as more guilt swamps her. What about Avi? The little boy had no idea what Cal had been planning and now that the plan failed, how in the hell would the troupe be able to break the news to him? He was so small and pure and spared from the hard travesties of life; with Cal there to raise and monitor him, Avi never had to experience loss or true grief. And now he had to face all of those inevitable feelings with the loss of his legal guardian--the person who he saw everyday and who he loved most of all. Avi would experience grief from the person who had gone through hell and back to assure that Avi never went through the past he had lived through. That shred of happiness was gone; stolen right from under his feet like it was nothing--like Cal was nothing. That, more than any other revelation MC experienced, is what tears her heart into ribbons. She couldn’t wash her mind clean of the last moments of Cal’s life--the look of regret and longing. The feeling that there was something that should’ve been said--something that should’ve been shared between the two of them. It was almost a physical thing wedged between them, thickening the air and wrapping around them like a blanket of urgency. MC recalled how she wondered if they’d ever break that silence between the two of them; wondered if this was the last fragment of regret she’d have to tote for the rest of her life if she failed.

And she did, and now the blanket was hopeless around her shoulders.

MC heaved a quavering sigh. How was she supposed to live with that? Live with the fact that she never got to tell him how she felt? That she never gave him the chance to speak his heart? Was that even a possible thing to do? The answer is turbid, unable to be fruitful to her aching chest, and she palms the tears gathering in her brown eyes. Was Cal’s death really her fault? Of course it was--she had been in charge of resuscitating him after all. And that wasn’t even the most morbid cluster of the guilt buzzing within her rib cage. MC had seen him take his last breath, felt the last essence of life leave his body; she had seen the blue of his eyes dull as they closed for the final time. She watched him sip the venom and she felt his heart slow and then stop against her hand. MC had felt his blood on her fingers, felt the lively warmth of it as Cal stilled and passed on to wherever he was destined to go. She had been the last thing Cal saw right before he died. The thought sickens her. Though it should be beneficial to her consolation process, it just made her want to bend the rules of reality and rewind time. I shouldn’t have been the last person Cal saw: it should’ve been Avi. It should’ve been Avi, for god’s sake!

Cal loved Avi more than anything and to pass without seeing him again--for the last time? MC couldn’t even fathom the prospect of it, her pulse twittering in her chest painfully. But Avi watching Cal die wasn’t something that should’ve happened; he’s a kid, he doesn’t deserve to have that mental image ingrained in his head for the rest of his life. MC retracts her wishes almost as fast as she forms them. Cal wanted Avi to live a life devoid of the sinister life of being a demon hunter--he wanted him to grow up a way that Cal didn’t get to. Avi seeing Cal dead didn’t align with Cal’s moral compass or even his goals for Avi. The least MC and the troupe could do was carry on his intentions and raise Avi just the way he did; to be a kid without a care in the world. MC presses the heel of her hand against her closed eyes. If only I had enough time... I could’ve prevented this whole fiasco. I could’ve saved Cal and he could be with Avi right now, happy and safe. We could break the wall between him and I and spread our feelings out on the table--be truthful with one another. MC descends into a spiral of ‘what if’s’, picturing a life--a reality--where Cal and her could be together. Where everyone was happy--where no grief or loss or Cal-lessness existed.

Then she bolts upward as she remembers the note Cal had left for her.

MC’s heart races and trips and stumbles in her chest. For an earth-shattering moment, MC isn’t weakened by her everlasting grief; there’s just anticipation and giddiness, a storm of butterflies whisking around her belly. The note! How could I have forgotten about the note?! She mentally slaps herself for her idiocy and then rummages through her pocket, producing the envelope with the tiny, pleading writing scrawled on the outside. He had been so adamant that I don’t open this if it does work... what did he want me to see? The curiosity fluttering through her heart becomes more belligerent as her fingernail shimmies under the flap of the envelope, sliding to the left and summoning a gentle ripping sound to fill the air. It’s most tense during the long and surprisingly robust sound; as if mirroring the rhapsody of patter her heart sings. The flap flutters loose, gifting MC with access to the contents within. A note with a yellow tinge peeks at her from over the ‘v’ of the envelope. There it is. The note Cal wants me to read now that he’s... MC’s internal monologue fades off as the knot in her throat tightens--how was she supposed to read the note and not break down? Just thinking about the deceased gunslinger has her heart aching like it did when he had passed--more specifically, when the four minutes passed on.

She slips the note from its bed of ivory white paper and carefully unfolds it, her heart beating so fast as if it was about to break free from her chest. She had no idea what would be inside--what Cal would’ve wrote--and what exactly would it change? Unless it was some voodoo spell that could resurrect Cal if she recited aloud, MC doubted that the contents would do anything to heal the tear that still scathed her. The paper unfurls in her hands, inviting her eyes in, giving passage to the few words that were scrawled in big yet careful letters.

I want to kiss you.

MC doesn’t move. In fact, she stills, her brown eyes traveling over every curve and line like it would all disperse into something else--something she didn’t even know. The realization thwacks her once it comes and as soon as it does, MC’s mind whirls with the implications--the possibilities. Cal wanted to... kiss me? A roll of warm emotions uncurl within her--like a long elegant carpet stitched in the classic style of a quilt--and her hand instinctively rises to her chest. So he had feelings for her too. All along, Cal had-! MC wanted to punch something, preferably the gunslinger himself, for leaving her with a dream that would never be. A dream that died along with him that night. With a shaking sigh, MC laughs--first lightly, then louder, hoping that letting it out would alleviate the pain that crowded her rib cage. It doesn’t, to say the least; all it does is heighten the urge to cry to the point where she’s laughing and vigorously scrubbing the tears gathering in her tear ducts. Now she looked like some kind of lunatic from a generic horror film--laughing and crying like she’d never known what a normal emotion felt like. Of course Cal would leave me hanging like this; why did I expect any sort of relief? But there was relief--relief that the connection between them wasn’t just a thread visible to only MC (and the rest of the troupe), but was also tangible to Cal as well. Maybe she should’ve been content with that; able to melt into a sense of giddiness that they both had feelings for one another. That there was an understatement between them of more. Maybe that was enough. But it’s not enough--god, why can’t it be enough? She was selfish to not be happy with the last thing Cal left for her--that was her first instinct--but how could she? She had been shown a future that she’d never get but had always wanted.

MC slumps. She didn’t know how to feel about this anymore. Should she cry out of joy or cry out of misery--out of grief? MC didn’t even know if there was a right answer to that. For a moment, MC stares at the note, unable to do anything else. Then, tentatively, MC raises the piece of paper up to her lips. She kissed the note gingerly as if it were Cal's mouth, her heart full yet so empty. In her mind, she wonders how the kiss would be between the two of them. How Cal reacted, how he tasted, how his breath smelled, how soft his lips were, how warm her chest would grow... The curse of his absence settles into her fantasies and her heart ripped apart again--torn. She’d never be able to kiss him--never, no matter how much she wished otherwise. All MC could do was hope that wherever Cal was right now, above or below, that he felt the kiss.

Heard her heart's mournful orchestra and knew that it played for him alone.

Knew that she felt the same as he did for her.

That Cal knew that she wanted to kiss him too.

And that she would if she could--a thousand times over until his mouth never knew what it felt like to be unkissed.

“I’m sorry,” She murmurs softly, that hope that he’d hear it a flower flourishing in the ecosystem of her heart.

“I’m so, so, sorry, Cal.”

~FIN~

#cal north #sin with me #lovestruck voltage

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naoyatoudo · 3 years

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some brief shl thoughts under spoiler cut up to ep 26

honestly dislike how shl changed zzs’ personality so radically. he’s a completely different person. a lot of characters are different but zzs in particular...i mean he’s the mc of tyk T_T but in shl it feels like wkx is the mc and zzs is turned into this softer more emotional person ..for example in tyk there’s a scene where zzs first mentions his deceased shidi it goes like

wkx: wow your shidi is lucky to have survived so much

zzs: he’s not lucky. he’s dead.

and then he walks off emotionlessly and wkx and zcl are ???????? a bit concerned and then just start talking about something else

in the drama zzs is like. having this crying breakdown and saying he ran away.......like huh? who are you........? i think because zzs is my favorite in the novel in particular i’m not. pleased with this change. i dont hate shl but i wish zzs wasn’t nerfed, shafted, and made so ooc.

also this whole idea of having a home to settle down to in the drama is weirdly the opposite of the novel and i ???????????? i did think it was funny how the uh..i forgot her name the elderly couple in the drama were like “dear i wont leave you!! *clings* while in the novel the old man ditches the old woman when she’s injured and she says men aren’t worth shit basically fdsknmalsdoafjnamKOUHJKFJM

let’s see...wkx is also weirdly soft and waaah in the drama which is kind of. hm. in the novel he’s so tough and only cries at the very end after everything...zzs doesnt cry once ever btw. i was laughingi n ep 25 how zzs just has 0 reaction to his beloved shidi’s grave and then for some reason wkx is the one who asks to be alone with the graves of zzs’ master and shidi>??? like if anyone zzs should be the one to especially this zzs lmao....

i dont really like the whole zzs and wkx knew each other as kids plot they added...i liked how zzs and wkx just met each other by chance and were the perfect match without having a whole childhood thing. the drama leans so hard on wkx and his revenge quest it’s annoying a bit...this is part of it too with the show seeming to make wkx the mc instead

i love how the novel showed zzs’ thoughts and his trauma and issues in a subtle way through how he’d say things. he wouldnt say “oh im so sad im a coward wah” he’d say something like “the crushing weight that had been hanging on his shoulders since the death of his shidi seemed to lighten a bit at that moment he could finally speak his name, something he could only manage to do in the presence of an old friend.” where he’s not an emotional wreck and it’s more..implied kind of?

don’t get me started on the side characters. omg . i was rereading and realized who shen shen is in the novel and laughed so hard HE’S SOOOOOOO DIFFERENT IN THE DRAMA IT’S CRAZY. SO MANY OF THEM ARE. LIKE. the novel is more zzs and wkx journey with the kid and the stuff with the martial world is more background stuff while here’s it’s more..equalish? novel shen shen just gets killed offscreen almost immediately. i think he’s mentioned twice once when they say who he is and another to say he got killed hufijdsijf

it’s sad too because with the ooc i mean wkx and zzs’ relationship is not the same. in the novel they’re annoying to each other, zzs is a total tsundere for a long time and then eventually flirts back and wkx gets flustered. they squabble constantly. there isnt this soft uwuness to it the drama has and i LIKE that. there’s an amazingly sweet part where zzs is suffering through the nails and it’s bad that night in particular and wkx who had annoyed his way into his bed holds him rubbing his back while he writhes in pain and is just there for him. and the next day wkx frets and decides to treat zzs softly but zzs HATES BEING TREATED SOFTLY. HE HATES IT. HATES IT. and acts like normal and wkx comments how zzs is that type of person and acting soft is wasted on a pig like him (lol)

it’s almost like. a disservice to novel zzs. to have the drama be like this fdnkmsl, i miss novel wenzhou so much they’re so fucking annoying but you can see they’re really truly villains who have retired and want to just fuck around and fall in love because they UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER. that’s another thing. in the novel they have no fights. no misunderstandings. they dont yell at each other EVER. the fights in the drama to me are like ?? what the hell, the whole point is they are the only two who truly get each other why did you ruin this with these stupid ridiculous fights.

lol @ the thought of zzs telling wkx not to kill people. novel zzs does not give a damn. he kills more people than wkx probably. this is something i mentioned earlier but drama zzs is like waah i was so bad cries cries cries. novel zzs outright states he has a clear conscience and did what he knew he had to do for the sake of the majority.

i get things had to be changed for investor and censoring and whatever but it was totally disingenuous to act like and say that the drama would be extremely similar to the novel. i’ll make a full review when i finish watching the drama but yeah. to me shl is some AU OOC fic someone made for TYK that i would probably shittalk if i read it for being so ooc hufijdskosafsgij i do enjoy SHL though it’s just. need to look at it as not being related to tyk. ilove tyk the most so that’s why im so : ) about it

#rant

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strwbrymoonchild · 3 years

Text

The Albums That Got Us Through 2020

We’ll save you the soliloquy, and get right to it: (skip to the bottom for the full playlist)

LaChelle’s Picks

Overture x Gaidaa

“Sonically, this album was very cathartic. Gaidaa’s songwriting is so imaginative and authentic, and I really love it when her voice hits those lush lower notes, her tone is like butter.”

Favorite tracks: Falling higher, Still Water, I Like Trouble

2. Rose in The Dark x Cleo Sol

“The timeless musicality and vocals are very reminiscent of some of my favorite classic soul artists like Angela Bofill, and Patrice Rushen but sound refreshing all the same. I would love to hear this project live but you know... COVID.”

Favorite tracks: When I’m In Your Arms, Why Don’t You, Rose in The Dark

3 & 4. Untiled (Black is) / Untitled (Rise) x Sault

“I can’t think of any projects more timely for this year than these two albums. They spoke to Black pain, weariness, and resilience in a way that felt mores insightful than preachy. A lot of the drums used on this project had an ancestral feel to them and the use of strings was extremely effective in giving it cinematic energy. The interludes also spoke to the difficult emotions many Black people grappled with this year while maintaining a musically rich sound.”

Favorite Tracks: Hard Life, Wildfires, Sorry Ain’t Enough, Why We Cry Why We Die, Free, Uncomfortable

5. The Angel You Don’t Know x Amaarae

“I first discovered Amaarae as a featured artist on one of my favorite music submissions of the year ‘NASA’ by Rvdical The Kid. I became entrenched upon my first listen to her first full-length project which is a mixture of afro-fusion, R&B, electronic, alté, and alternative hip hop. I love her animated voice and how effortlessly she glides over the track. I enjoy artists who can fuse multiple genres together and make them sound like a whole new sound”

Favorite Tracks: Fancy, Feel A Way, Céline

6. Last Year Was Weird, Vol 2. x Tkay Maidza

“This album had a lot of surprises on it. It’s a mixture of fun-loving R&B, raging nu-metal, and 808 thumping house tracks. While there’s not much fusion in the array of genres, I appreciate her ability to showcase her eclectic range.”

Favorite tracks: Shook, 24K, Don’t Call Again

7. Honey For Wounds x Ego Ella May

“This is a great self-love soundtrack. The pensiveness of this album is tempered by Ego Ella May’s jazzy vocals and even-keeled instrumentation. A very relaxing vibe to listen to during downtime or moments of solitude.”

Favorite tracks: Girls Don’t Always Sing About Boys, Table For One, Song For Bobby

8. Jaguar x Victoria Monét

“This album is oozing with sensuality, sexuality, and confidence. I love the lush vocal arrangements and the production which taps into nostalgia without being lazy or gimmicky. If you're feeling insecure, put on some lingerie, pour a glass of wine, turn this album on and you'll be feeling like a Savage Fenty brand ambassador”

Favorite tracks: Moment, Touch Me, Go There With You

9. Extra, Extra! x Lou Phelps

“ My boyfriend who is a Kaytranada fanboy put me onto this album. Haven’t heard a hip hop EP with such a fun, laid back like this in a minute. Lou’s big bro Kaytranada came through with the dancey vibes but you also get a bit of that classic boom bap energy that an old head like me loves”

Favorite tracks: Party in LA, Nike Shoe Box, Smiling

Dorian’s Picks

Pulp (Director’s Cut) x Ambré

"Ambré takes you deep into her world with sounds of a sweet lullaby, and a pulp garden full of hallucinating trips on a journey towards discovering love, vulnerability, and purpose. Overdosing on ‘Pulp’ has become a nightly ritual for me, no surprise as to why Ambré is my top artist of 2020."

Favorite tracks: free drugs, LUCIADA(EGODEATH), gucci slides

2. A Written Testimony x Jay Electronica

Jay Electronica's debut album, once heralded a myth by many, has finally seen the light of day, 10 years later. It sounds godly, rich in ancestral wisdom, paralleled with classic Hov features throughout. This album to me raps a soulful tune of Black enlightenment, and feels like a really lavish ode to the Nation of Islam.

Favorite tracks: Universal Soldier, Flux Capacitor, The Blinding

3. In Search of Lost Time x Protoje

"The Jamaican OG delivers a sonically wise lesson on life, what it means to live in our truths and light in search of happiness and prosperity as a free spirit. This album at many times served as a soundtrack to my life, a saving grace from my own insecurities and struggles amidst a very unsettling year."

Favorite tracks: In Bloom, Deliverance, Like Royalty

4. I Shine, U Shine x RIMON

"Amsterdam-based artist RIMON delivered a sonically pleasing project shortlisted with a blend of melancholy neo-soul/R&B influenced melodies. This project evokes raw relatable emotions and centers the beauty of the imperfect for full display. With each listen the lyrics pierced my heart and filled my memory of love lost and love found."

Favorite tracks: Out Of My Way, Got My Back, Downtown

5. Note to Self x Jah9

"Jah9's Note to Self, is a call to channel your divine form. Reggae has long been a genre that speaks to a higher force and existence. With the wild year we experienced, this project served as a guideline on how to battle those inner demons and live life to your fullest potential through faith."

Favorite tracks: Love Has Found I, Ma'at, New Race

6. SuperGood x Duckwrth

"The title is self-explanatory. Duckwrth gave us all that we deserved and dropped a bomb ass feel-good record. SuperGood gave me all the contemporary neo-funk grooves I've come to love about Duckwrth. Listening to this project made it easy to tune out all the noise of 2020 and just dance my sorrows away."

Favorite tracks: Quick, Coming Closer, Super Bounce

7. B7 x Brandy

"Brandy, now indie and seasoned in the industry, answers to no one and that's made clear with her experimental R&B sounds on B7. This project is fearless and sounds so different from previous Brandy albums, but delivers in that same angelic aesthetic and powerhouse vocals we've come to love. B7 is criminally underrated in my opinion and will stand the test of time. "

Favorite tracks: Rather Be, Borderline, Say Something

8. It Is What It Is x Thundercat

"Thundercat delivers another soothing jazzy-bassline record. This album feels cathartic, experiential in a sense, almost as if I'm listening to a score from an intergalactic movie set in some futuristic utopia. Best enjoyed with a spliff and/or glass of wine."

Favorite tracks: Black Qualls, DragonBall Durag, Unrequited Love

9. The ExPerience x Lila Iké

"This captivating debut EP from rising reggae siren Lila Iké will make anyone a believer. Her journey is compelling, spiritually guided, a modern tale of romance - the highs and lows of navigating young love. The way Lila belts out these reggae-R&B infused chunes pon ya head top is mesmerizing and sets the standard for Jamaica's new generation"

Favorite tracks: Forget Me, Where I'm Coming From, Thy Will

10. grae x Moses Sumney

“‘grae’, a two part album, explores the complexities of identity. Moses Sumney never quite submits to the boundaries society aims to box us in. ‘grae’ is undefined in sound, Moses gracefully flows from one end of the artistic spectrum to another without landing anywhere too long. What I love most about listening to this album besides Mose's falsetto is the high level of self-awareness, the screams of escapism, and determination to exist in free agency. "

Favorite tracks: Cut Me, Polly, Lucky Me

Rachel’s Picks

Instrospection x UMI

“After another year with no new SZA album, discovering UMI was a godsend. Her voice has that same angelic raspiness and lyrics that sit with you long after the first listen. What sets her and this record apart is how UMI’s lyrics recognize her own faults and the faults of others in a way that is so graceful that it never comes across as self-deprecating or accusatory. Listening to Introspection, you can’t help but introspect your life the way UMI does on this album.”

Favorite tracks: Introspection, Open Up, Pretty Girl hi!

2. Girlhood x Girlhood

“This electropop duo’s vocalist, Tessa Cavanna, has a voice reminiscent of the late artists Amy Winehouse and Sharon Jones, and with their neo-soul, 90’s inspired sound being so colorful, it’s impossible to get sick of listening to this album.”

Favorite tracks: Keep On, It Might Take a Woman, My Boy

3. Who Cares? x Abby Jasmine

“Released during the reclusive days of stay-at-home orders, Jasmine’s tracks on her sophomore album made me nostalgic for parties that were once filled with smoke, close friends, and good music. Her brutally honest lyrics, progressive production, and her overall confidence were comforting during a year of instability and empty dancefloors.”

Favorite tracks: Stay With Me, Artificial Lover, Groovy

4. Texas Sun x Khruangbin & Leon Bridges

“Two Texan artists came together and were able to use Bridge’s soulful and textured tone and the fluidity of the psychedelic-funk trio Khruangbin's sound, to create a desolate Texas landscape. Listening to the EP feels like driving with all the windows rolled down, feeling the sun’s heat on your skin.”

Favorite tracks: Texas Sun, Midnight, C-Side

5. They Call Me Disco x Ric Wilson & Terrace Martin

“In a year of so much grief, it is refreshing to hear music that sounds like it was as fun to make as it was to listen to. Wilson and Martin’s rhythmically dynamic collaboration prefaced a summer filled with social media’s fascination and nostalgia for the glittery freeness of the 70’s while still fitting into their respective genres of hip-hop and R&B.”

Favorite track: Don’t Kill the Wave, Move Like This, Chicago Bae

Lionnal’s Picks

Dinner Party x Terrace Martin, Robert Glasper. 9th Wonder, & Kamasi Washington

"These Four legendary musicians came together and gave us an album full of beautiful vocals over smooth, jazzy, soul instrumentals."

Favorite tracks: Freeze Tag, LUV U, Love You Bad

2. Burden of Proof x Benny The Butcher

"This album feels like a vintage east coast rap album. Hit-Boy’s luxury production matched with Benny’s grimey delivery is everything a classic rap fan would ever need."

Favorite tracks: One Way Flight, Burden of Proof, War Paint

3. Sin Miedo x Kali Uchis

"I didn’t know how I would take to an album primarily in Spanish, but Kali’s intoxicating and seductive vibe still found a way to draw me in."

Favorite tracks: Telepatia, //aguardiente y limón %ᵕ‿‿ᵕ%, Quiero Sentirme Bien

4. Fuck The World x Brent Fayaiz

"Brent Faiyaz’s personality is what makes this album so great. His cool and confident approach to tracks make for a unique spin on modern R&B and it’s honestly very refreshing."

Favorite tracks: Clouded, Been Away, Let Me Know

LISTEN TO THE FULL PLAYLIST BELOW

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