#feels good to be responsible and plan shit

[akiratheartist]

Video Call

warnings!: female reader, phone sex, masturbation, use of toys, fluff at the beginning and end, reader is referred to as “baby/babe” Chan is referred to as “baby/Channie/Chris/Chan

this is not proof read

I sat on the bed of my childhood room waiting for Chan to answer my video call. We were currently on vacation and both staying at our parents homes. My phone is set up against the blanket so when he answers he can see my full body. It is dark in my room and when he answers my screen lights up the silhouette of my body. “Hey baby!” He says happily. I giggle and respond with a smile and a small “Hey babe.” Chan raises an eyebrow at me and stares for a few seconds. “Is that my hoodie?” I cover the text on the front of the black hoodie that says ‘CEEBS’ with my hands. “Um. no..” I say trying not to laugh. “I was looking for that! Hoodie thief!” He laughs again. “Whatcha doin?” He speaks again spotting the notebook on my lap. “I was thinking of some song ideas..” It was a lie. I had planned to try and ‘accidentally’ reveal i wasn’t wearing any shorts under the hoodie like usual to see his reaction.

“Turn on the light so i can see you! it’s so dark in your room.” I reach over to turn on the lamp beside the bed and after i hear a click my notebook falls onto the floor. “Shit.” I say quietly and reach for it. It takes a few seconds for me to grab it since i’m too lazy to just get up and grab it but also once i bent over to grab it i felt my hoodie slide down my back. Once i sit back up i notice that Chan seems to have already turned red. “Sorry my notebook fell off the bed. Is something wrong?” I say knowing very well what it is. “Uh.. It’s just that when you grabbed it.. Your hoodie lifted up a little..” I pretend to be embarrassed. “Did it? Oh.. Sorry for flashing you then… I just didn’t wanna wear shorts cuz it’s warm in here…” I cleared my throat and waited for him to say something. “So um.. What type of song ideas were you writing?” I completely ignore his question and respond with my own. “Did you like it?” He looks confused. “I mean.. what you saw.. did you like it?” I wait for his response but all i get is a “Uh..” along with his staring gaze. “Channie..” I wiggle my hips a bit. “I wore these cute panties for you..they’re my favorite..” I watched as Chan’s eyes trailed down my body sending a slight shiver down my spine. “Yeah of course i like it.. You always look cute when you wear stuff like that.” After hearing this i almost immediately grab the hem of the hoodie and lift it off my legs high enough to show off my panties and a little bit of my stomach. I sat on my knees so he could get the best view. “Fuck.. Those are really cute baby.” His voice echos through my phone speakers. “Ever since I came to my parents house I thought about how much more harder it would be to touch myself without getting caught… I’ve been waiting for this all day Channie..”I slowly drag my hand down from my stomach to my clothed clit over my panties and I start rubbing my fingers in small circles at a pace that might just kill me but it was all worth it to tease Chan. “Damn i wish i was with you… Cant wait to see that pretty pussy up close.” And I don’t expect to be judged for letting the first time my boyfriend sees me touching myself to be over a video call. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to tease him a little before we actually have sex right?

It had only been about a minute of Chan watching me work away before i slipped my hand into my panties. A hand of mine came up to one of my tits and began playing around with my nipple from underneath the hoodie. I let out a few quiet moans and hums as i put on a show for Chan. “Feels so good Chan…” I bent my body backwards with the urge to arch my back. With me now on my back Chan has an even better view of my legs spread right in front of the camera. I hear him let out a quiet “Fuck..” I slipped two fingers inside my hole with a whine while I felt the burning gaze of Chan’s eyes through the camera. Suddenly I remembered a little something I had bought recently and taken with me just for a moment like this. I pulled my fingers out of my pussy and stood up from my bed. Once i walked out of view of the camera Chan began to ask questions. “What are you doing? Baby?” I unzipped a little bag and pulled out the glorious object oddly shaped like a microphone. I sat back on my bed and made sure it was charged up. Time to finally use this thing. “I wanna show you my new toy i bought..” I held it up in the camera. “What is it..?” Chan asked with a raised brow. “It’s called a hitachi wand. Wanna see how it works?” He nodded his head vigorously.

I once again sat on the bed with my legs spread open so Chan could see. I turned the wand onto the first setting and began teasing my clit through my panties with the vibrations. I hear Chan let out a moan from the other end of the phone. “Channie… Are you touching yourself baby..?” I watch him nod his head with an expression of pleasure on his face. “Yeah.. Fuck I wish it was your hand instead..” I turned up the setting to a three pulling a slightly loud whine out of me causing me to cover my mouth with one hand. “Your so fucking beautiful baby..” Chan says before letting out a particularly loud moan. I grabbed onto the hem of my panties and began pulling them down my legs to feel the wand against me better. Once i felt the vibrations against my bare clit I had to bite my lip to prevent moaning too loudly. I whined out Chan’s name many many times. “Please please please.. Fuck.. feels too good…” I squeezed my eyes shut tightly. “You gonna cum for me baby?” I heard Chan’s voice come from my phone again. “Yes! Yes! Fuck! I’m gonna cum so hard for you Channie!” I felt my orgasm rising in my body as i turned the vibrations even higher on the wand now at a five. “I’m gonna cum too baby..” Chan spoke between his moans. “I wanna see it! Please let me see you cum.” He moved the camera down from his face and revealed his hand stroking his cock at a fast pace. His shirt was also lifted revealing his abs. “Oh fuck! cumming!” I watched as white stripes of liquid shot out from Chan’s cock and onto the mountains of his abs. Shortly after my legs tightened around my hand until I had to quickly turn off my wand to prevent overstimulating myself.

A few heavy breaths later Chan spoke. “Shit… babe.. You sounded so wonderful.” I abandoned the wand after turning it off and sat up in my bed. “Damnit.. now i gotta clean up..” I said quietly earning a giggle from the other end of the call. “Hey! I will hang up on you!” I said and he pretended to be shocked. “Im not the one who came all over my bed!” I stood from the bed and flipped my camera around to show the wet spot on the sheets. “Jesus…” I jokingly gave him the middle finger before flipping the camera back to my face. “Well technically you still gotta clean up so…Suck on that!” “You first.” “Shut up.” I stayed on the phone with him while i cleaned up my mess before climbing back into bed. “You look so beautiful.” He said to me as i laid down. “Yeah right. You just watched me get myself off.” I rolled over onto my stomach. “So that means you cant be beautiful? And by the way, I’m gonna need that hoodie back tomorrow..” I raised an eyebrow. “Nuh uh.” He laughed at my response. “Alright we’ll see.. Goodnight baby.” I roll my eyes.” “Goodnight Chris. I love you..” “Love you too!” And with that i hung up my phone and drifted to sleep.

#bang chan smut #skz smut #stray kids #bang chan x reader #kpop #kpop fanfic #stray kids smut #akiratheartist

[allyeardepression]

@jegulus-microfic | may 3 rush | words: 1365

hiii! the idea for this one comes from @bey0nd-1he-stars and i really hope she likes it <3 anyway, enjoy;3

tw: implied child abuse in the past

“James, we’re already late, c’mon,” Regulus managed to say between heated kisses. In response, his boyfriend mumbled something he assumed was ‘just one more’.

It started innocently enough—when Regulus and Sirius ran from Grimmauld and came to live with the Potters, James spent most of the nights sleeping in one bed with the two of them. And since sleep always came easier to Sirius than to Regulus, at least half of those nights James and the younger brother spent talking—sometimes about what they were doing that day, sometimes planning a night out with their friends, and sometimes, on worse days, about how Regulus wishes he could still live with his parents, because no matter how badly they hurt him and his brother, they still were their parents, and he still loved them.

On those bad days, James always held the other boy close to his chest, letting him cry and spit out all the pain he had in himself, all while stroking his back in a soothing gesture.

As the time passed and the brothers started attending therapy, James stopped sleeping with them. Instead, every night Regulus sneaked out of his room, going straight to James’ bed. The talks about their friends turned into ones about their feelings. Sleepless nights filled with guilt and fear turned into nights filled with tenderness and small, sweet gestures. And with the end of August, those small, sweet gestures turned into dancing tongues and hands all over each other.

Not much has changed since then—they were still sneaking around to meet at night, coming up with excuses to their friends and professors when asked about why they were so tired or where they were in between classes. There was one new thing, though: before every Quidditch game, they left earlier than the rest of their teams, saying they had to discuss something with Madame Hooch. In fact, the one who had a match that day went to the equipment shed and waited for the other one to show up to give him a kiss for good luck.

Today, even though they both played, was no exception. They met 20 minutes before the teams were scheduled to arrive on the field, locked themselves in a shed, and kissed senselessly.

From behind the closed door, Regulus could hear voices getting closer and closer to them.

“James, I can hear Sirius,” the younger boy gasped, tugging at the other’s hair to pull him away. It worked, if James’ terrified face was anything to go by.

“Shit, we’ve got to go,” James mumbled, putting Regulus back down.

“You don’t say,” replied Regulus, arching one of his brows.

They left the shed together, carrying the big chest with balls inside it as a disguise. After putting it in the middle of the pitch, both of them went to their respective locker rooms, wishing each other luck teasingly.

“Where have you been?” Dorcas asked Regulus as soon as he entered the room. Giving her a questioning look, he went to his locker, taking out his gloves, the rest of his uniform already on him. “I went to Hooch looking for you—she said she hasn’t seen you today, so where have you been?”

“None of your business,” he grumbled in response.

“Oh, so you were with—“

“Shut up.” He practically ran to her, putting his hands over her mouth. “I don’t know how you know, but act as if you don’t know, okay?”

“What will I get in exchange?” She mumbled from behind his hands.

“If you don’t tell about mine, I won’t tell about yours, deal?” Now Dorcas’ eyes went wide, but she nodded in agreement.

***

An hour and a half after the match started, Gryffindor was leading by 50 points, and normally Regulus would be livid because of that, but seeing James smile every time he or one of his teammates scored was enough to soothe him.

The game wasn’t really violent—the buldgers were flying around as always trying to get to one of the players before beaters from their team sent the ball frying to the opposite team’s players, but nothing more dangerous than any other time.

Regulus was lingering over the pitch, looking for the snitch. Gryffindor’s seeker, a third-year girl named Abby Baker, was following his every move, so every now and then he took off, trying to lead her in the wrong direction.

He teased her like this for most of the game until he finally noticed a small golden ball flying just above the girl's head. He took a wide turn in her direction, lying almost flat on his broom and speeding as much as it allowed him. Abby didn’t get what was happening until Regulus passed her by. She was fast, at his tail at all times, yet still too slow to reach the snitch before him.

Regulus was so close to it that he could practically feel the ball’s little wings in his hand when his brother’s voice came to his ears.

“Prongs, watch out!” and then there was a loud thud and terrified screams from the stands. And if Regulus didn't know who 'Prongs' was, he probably wouldn't even bother checking what’s going on.

But it was James.

His James.

As soon as he turned his head to take a look at what was happening, he could feel all the blood rush out of his face. The familiar silhouette of the boy who showed him what a real family looks like and what love really is—the boy who saved him—was falling down at lightning speed, his broom nowhere to be seen.

Regulus didn’t think even for a second that his team would lose or that the whole school would find out about them—he just took another turn, going as fast as he could to not let his boyfriend crush into the dirt below them. It felt like chasing the snitch, only this one was much bigger and still harder to put your hands on.

“James, give me your hand!” He yelled, flying a bit lower and reaching his own hand out for the other boy to catch.

Regulus almost had him, but their palms were too sweaty, and James slipped out, flying down at breakneck speed again.

“Fuck!” the younger boy exclaimed, making a risky decision and flying straight down. This time he caught James hand; he held on to it, but they were too close to the ground to come out of this situation in one piece.

Until they weren’t.

Regulus doesn’t know what happened, but one second he was in the air, hoping for the best, and the next he stood steady on the pitch’s grass.

“What the fuck, guys?!” Regulus could hear Sirius shouting from behind him, but he didn’t care about his brother right now—all he cared about was James.

“Are you okay? Where does it hurt? What even happened?” he was asking, checking every part of his boyfriend’s body to make sure he wasn’t hurt too badly. “Who sent the buldger? I swear I’m going to—“

“Reg, I’m fine. Look,” James said, shaking each one of his limbs and turning his head in different directions. “See? Nothing happened; I just need a new broom.”

“Nothing happened? Nothing happened?! James, you could’ve broken every bone in your body; hell, you could’ve died! Imagine it was you and not your broom, your parents—Sirius—and me! We would all die just from—“

“Hey, hey, hey,” suddenly James’ hands were on his cheeks, thumbs brushing away tears. When have I even started to cry? “I know you were scared; I was scared, too. But you caught me; nothing really bad happened; we’re both okay.” He pulled Regulus closer, putting him in a warm embrace. “It’s okay, love; we’re okay.”

They stood there, hugging for Merlin knows how long before Regulus realized what they were doing. He didn’t pull away when he said, “You know we’re in the middle of the pitch and everyone can see us, don’t you?”

“Yeah, baby, I know,” James whispered into his hair, still caressing his back gently.

And so they stood there, not caring about the world around them or Sirius screaming about incest—they just hugged, glad they were both okay.

#jegulus #james potter #regulus black #james x regulus #starchaser #sunseeker #the marauders #dead gay wizards #jegulus microfic #quidditch #gryffindor x slytherin #1k words or more #by: allyeardepression #hogwarts au #harry potter fandom #harry potter

[thethingything]

I really don't like our brain's ability to jump from "I'm going to organise all this stuff and catch up with a bunch of tasks" to "it's time to get stuck in an increasingly distressing thought spiral for several hours, accidentally trigger yourself, then feel like shit because you haven't done anything but also haven't managed to rest".

like please can we maybe have like a nice middleground where we do a few things and then rest for a while and don't experience the full range of human emotions over the course of about 3 hours

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #vent post #the thing is that we were feeling pretty good and actually got some stuff done today #and then someone asked how we were doing and we mentioned this #and their response was to interrupt us to be like ''wow it must be nice to not feel like shit all the time'' #before going on a rant about a bunch of stuff including topics that this person knows are triggering for us #so then we got frustrated and triggered and that threw us off and then we got stuck in a spiral over a bunch of stuff #and now we're exhausted and have no motivation to do anything and our brain is still trying to spiral more and we can't focus on anything #sorry for wanting to celebrate actually managing to do stuff after struggling with way worse executive dysfunction than usual all month #and by ''do stuff'' I mean we caught up with some journaling we'd missed #then added a handful of tasks to our to-do list so we'd remember to actually do them later #so a couple of things that are a big deal for us because they help us stay organised but take a lot of focus so we struggle with them #but at the same time they're tasks most people probably wouldn't view as any sort of actual achievement #part of it was also that we woke up with enough motivation to actually do what we'd planned to do today #but so far we've only done like one task from it because then all this shit happened and we haven't been able to do much else

[ardate]

.

#just me rambling #badvibe #god. i feel so let down by my friends these days #it's been a billion things piling up for many many weeks #and right now i just got told by a friend with whom I was supposed to go to a convention that she forgot I was coming #so she won't be able to pick me up cuz she's going with her mom instead #we made plans for visiting that city in the morning before going to the convention and all. #i put it down in my agenda and moved plans around to accomodate for it. but she straight up... #entirely forgot i was supposed to be there #she forgot about me #and i'm SO. FUCKING DONE. ABOUT BEING AN AFTERTHOUGHT ALL THE FUCKING TIME #this is just too fucking much. between this and my childhood friend who acts distant w me ever since there was a dumbass quiproquo #where i have to fucking work hard everytime at creating a good atmosphere whenever we see each other cuz she wont put in that effort #and another friend who's been utterly ignoring me on purpose for some fucking goddamn reason i don't know why or what i did #ignoring me or being rude other times #all of those are just examples but its been so many things #i have been. SO fucking patient with everyone. ive helped them so many times too- sometimes to my own loss #i've been so kind and understanding despite my personal struggles - keeping my feelings of anger and injustice at bay #and i get what in response? i'm fucking. forgotten i guess. pushed aside. treated like a nuisance #i feel like its at the point where the closer they are to me the less effort they put in. cuz i'm a given now. they can treat me like shit #they treat strangers better than their close friend cuz they know i'll just take it. or smth. i'm a punching ball for bad moods #i'm done being the understanding one. what about that. what if others were the ones having to come to me and be kind instead #what if i was the one people coddled and offered sympathy to for once in my fucking life #idk. just fucking explode #i feel so disrespected. and uncared for #and so deeply unloved #i'm done. i'm done #the convention thing was just the fucking hammer to break my back after everything #i'm so deeply heartbroken #do i matter to the people i care about

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

There always seems to be one kid who just screams like a tornado siren, all day long, at any given opportunity. Like, kid, I love you, you are precious and deserve all the happiness in the world; but please for the love of god shut up. There are people trying to learn here and you’re not helping them or yourself.

#I don’t like being harsh with people in general but if one child is raising the tension in the room to a fever pitch every single day #making it incredibly hard for the kids who are trying really really hard to focus when they already have focus issues #and because I know this specific kid gets absolutely spoiled rotten at home and is allowed to do whatever they want #you know… sometimes it helps to show the kid how they sound to others by demonstrating the obnoxious nature of The Scream #because when the parents do Jack Shit about teaching their kid discipline and courtesy; you have to be a parent in their stead #But do NOT continue to scream. You are an adult with adequate emotional control. Screaming should be be done EXTREMELY sparingly #and only utilized for demonstration purposes or to stop a brawl; not for bullying or intimidation #Don’t do a JoJo Siwa and TRY to make kids cry even though you may get stressed enough that you want to escalate on purpose #Again: you are an adult with adequate emotional control; don’t escalate unless the overreaching plan is to deescalate #if eliciting a startle response will stop harmful behavior and “snap them out of it” for long enough for you to get through #or if they just need to let all their emotions out at once so they can lose enough of that high energy to think critically #then sure #but you have to guide them back down very carefully and calmly; it’s a precise science #Don’t be mean about it; be genuine in your feelings and don’t go overboard. Genuine ≠ mean unless you’re evil #Or if you don’t feel emotions very strongly (like I do) then react like a “normal” person. Lie about being angry or sad if it is appropriat #Again: Your goal should not be to get the kid to do what you want; the goal should be to get them to feel good enough #so they are ABLE to do it in the first place #And the goal should also be to show them how their actions affect others if they are not aware of it #“Teach a man to fish” and all that. Don’t always check them; get them to check themselves #If a kid hits another kid when they’re angry at something completely unrelated; then 1.) redirect destructive behavior #and 2.) walk them back over to the kid they hurt and say: #“Look at [name]; look how sad you made them. [name] didn’t do anything to you #It’s okay to be angry but we CANNOT hit people when we are angry because it hurts and makes them cry.” Works great #Always remember there is a power imbalance inherent in EVERY child-adult relationship and NEVER abuse it #And if you’re not patient or emotionally stable enough to work with or have children; then don’t. Please don’t. #Children are not cute little dolls to play dress-up with; nor are they perfect angels; nor are they your personal stress ball #Having children is NOT A GAME. They are PEOPLE who will grow to be your age one day and everything you do affects them #Sorry I’m just tired of all these parents who shove iPads in their kids faces so they don’t bother them. You’re giving them an addiction

[autisticlee]

that feeling when you're so unwanted and dismissed and disliked by everyone around you...when you offer help and suggestions or try to join conversation or anything and the response you get is always "no/go away/I didn't ask you/etc" it feels horrible and when i ask what the problem is and why they hate me they just say "I never said I hate you/there's no problem" but the way they talk and act SHOWS ME THEY HAVE A PROBLEM OR HATE ME. you can't insult me every time I walk into a room or dismiss every single thing I say without even hearing it all and then say you don't hate me or have a problem with me! it doesn't work that way! either prove me wrong by showing not telling, or just be honest.

#family problems #i hate these people get me out of here #lee rants #tired of trying to get along with them and help them and they dismiss and insult me #like my sister trying to prepare for her wedding. im very good at planning things and solving problems #they keep hitting so many problems and dont know how to plan stuff and amd i offer logical solutions and just get “NO.” #no thought about it. instant immediate dismisive response #isnt it normal for siblings to help with wedding stuff???? why is my sister a piece of shit? maybe i shouldnt even go to it #just plan something else that day and not show up. she obviously doesnt want me to be part of it. #i like helping out. i like being part of things. getting dismissed and pushed away feels like shit. especially when im good certain things #and KNOW I CAN BE USEFUL. BUT THEY TREAT ME LIKE USELESS SCUM AND DONT LET ME DO ANYTHING AND IT FEEL SO FUCKING BAD #ugh. i hate it here. i rather be somewhere my existence is appreciated and wanted. thats obbiously not here.

[vlindervin7]

muslims will act violently homophobic in a country that values gay rights and then act shocked when it reflects badly on their community

#non muslims pls don’t interract but i’m sooo mad i just need to rant #also prefacing this by saying obvs muslims are not to blame for racism and islamophobia in europe these things would still exist without #all the controversy but omggg #so this group of lgbt muslims planned an iftar for other queer muslims and they had to cancel it bc of the threats they received #and now ofc all the politicians are going on abt how they cannot accept intolerance and this behaviour is unacceptable in a society that #preaches equal rights for queer people #and like… was that not to be expected??? the very muslims who do shit like this will be the first to scream islamophobia but are you making #ANY effort #this meeting was not for you it does not affect you you don’t even have to think abt it but what makes you think sending threats of #physical violence during the holy month of RAMADAN is smth you should be doing #there is nothing surprising abt the far right (who don’t even support queer rights themselves) to jump on this opportunity to make sure #everyone knows that look!! those muslims refuse to adopt our good belgian values #and yk they’d find smth anyway but let’s avoid adding fuel to their fire by giving them real actual reasons to be concerned #and on the one hand it does feel like victim blaming bc marginalised groups shouldn’t be held responsible for the hatred targeted at them #and it’s not muslims’ fault but i’m just so tired like they really can’t help themselves #something so deeply wrong with muslims who make hating queer people their number one priority like… i don’t think you understand what your #beloved faith stands for #it’s just such a shame to have to start ramadan with this kind of discourse everywhere #exactly 0% of this is surprising i could’ve predicted this would happen exactly but it’s just so tiring on all accounts #you want to live your religion in piece without being targeted for it? what makes you think attacking other ppl wanting the very same thing #is a logical response? use your brain and spend some time doing dhikr instead of spreading hate on the internet what is wrong with you

[pepprs]

hi update things are fucking terrible and my eyes hurt from sobbing. lol

#purrs #delete later #not to liveblog and be tmi or whatever but i feel terribly alone and terribly miserable so this is in fact a cry for help lol. or really #comfort bc im fucking going insane. so for context last spring when i was still an intern another intern orchestrated this back channel #where everyone was supposed to talk shit about our supervisors (my dearest most belovedest mentors) and all of us hid it for months and it #all came to a head at asb 2022 because there was a lot of drama witb the asb student facilitators and our staff team. and it was sooooo ugly #and messy and horrible and probably played a direct role in one of my dearest beloved est mentors (who was the point person for asb) fucking #getting a new job and abandoning us in july lol 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃 and so i became a full time staff member and me and my remaining dearest belovedest #colleague besties fucking carried the world on oh r shoulders and put on amazing programs as just 3 of us in the core staff and we thought w #we were doing a really good job with the asb 2023 leaders and that there were no drama dynamics or whatever and guess fucking what. tonight #we found out that half of them hate us for reasons we still don’t know and all of them are at each others throats and also some of the #participants feel a type of way about us. and i know i am being a fragile sensitive crybaby over it but i have had terrible cramps all day a #and have barely slept since ive been here and feel like ive been bending over backwards to support the leaders only to find out that half of #them think we’re evil and i just… i couldn’t take it. so i cried and now im beating myself up for crying. but it’s like come ON. i know we #did a pretty imperfect job of preparing them for this. and i should just take responsibility for that and not be defensive. but it’s like… i #have NEVER seen this program in person before or been part of the planning of it. i was just a student last year like all of you. and also #HOW many fucking times did we create space for you to talk to us and invite us in. and still this shit happened. and i just feel like a #failure. and i couldn’t react to that information in any way except cry liek it’s all so over my head and out of my depth and im not as #emotionally mature as my colleagues bc im the youngest and this is my first time dealing with this and i feel so incompetent and like i #failed. failed the first time by not speaking up when i was implicated in the stupid fucking Google form back channel situation last year #and now failed the second time by not being able to prevent this stupid drama bullshit from happening again and for not catching it. and jfs #like… im in excruciating physical pain and haven’t slept and haven’t eaten well and my life is falling apart and we were ABANDONED BY THE #PERSON WHO WAS RESPONDIBLE FOR THIS (i know we weren’t abandoned she literally just got a new job i just have psychological issues) and #we’ve been running at a million miles per hour with absolutely no break and now you’re mad at us and not even telling us and it’s impacting #everyone’s experiences but you want to pretend this is fucking high school and keep secrets. i am TIRED of drama. i am TIRED of this stupid #bullshit. and not to say this bc i don’t know if asb 2022 drama factored into her decision to leave but if it did i get why * left now. i #get it. bc this shit makes me want to jump out the hotel window. i do not want to face any of them tomorrow and deal with more bullshit. i #am emotionally unstable and incompetent and not equipped to deal with this in a mature healthy way. i want this to be over NOW. im done. #ok i think that’s it um. sorry about that i just needed other people to know i am suffering and i will suppress the shame i feel about that #just this once. esp bc i denied myself the opportunity for my colleague besties to comfort me while i was crying and i regret it now lol

[exopelagic]

auuudggghghhrhrhrbrr

#okay I’m feeling Bad and I need to unpick why before I’ll be able to sleep #friend is asking abt lunch on Friday when I already have standing commitment w other friends then so I can’t do that. #but I also go home on Sunday and I can’t do shit until Friday bc work and I have plans on Saturday so I just. can’t see them #which. I guess makes things easier actually that’s not something I can control and I’m not changing existing plans that’s unfair #I’m also listening to a playlist of old music (Apple Music generated favourites — so literally random picked from everything I’ve ever done #and the last few songs have made me feel Bad bc of being associated with certain times but song playing rn is definitively a good song #w a good memory attached and it’s MY song not one of my old friends #okay where are we #I’m stressed abt presentation on Thursday but also a non issue. I’m prepared. I have all day tomorrow to practice and read up more #and then it’s 20 minutes on Thursday morning I’ll be done before 10am #I am. a little frustrated on a broader scale about the role I’m currently occupying #in that w a bunch of my friends I’m having to be the one with their shit together and dealing with their Stuff. #mostly in the way that I have to be putting in extra effort to tiptoe around them and steer stuff to keep them happy #i can do it i can do it easily I’ve just tasted not having to now so it’s. noticeably different having to do it more #i do Not have the words to talk abt this in the way I want to it’s so annoying #it’s like. I know how my friend responds to stuff. I know the things that make her anxious and what her instinctual responses will be #and I’m constantly having higher level thoughts planning out how things will go it’s effortless and constant it’s just There #with everyone all the time but sometimes I use it more and sometimes I have to because I’m in a position where if I don’t we’ll get nowhere #and I don’t like that I’m having to worry abt keeping other people happy while I’m talking to my friends it removes me a layer from stuff #hrm. there are broader questions here abt the utility of this bc like. sure it helps in some situations #but this probably isn’t great long term for either of us. wild. goddamn talking to my friend abt philosophy opened new parts of my brain #anyway I cba to have those thoughts rn! it’s midnight! I’m going to bed in half an hour <3 #it’s honestly unfair that I have to do anything other than be gay and play pokemon #luke.txt #uaUrghrhfhjs I’m also being insane abt a guy. which is predictable and I feel stupid abt for multiple reasons but. here we are. #I’m being insane. and maybe I should be less mean to myself but I feel like I’m being insane. #I think! I need to go to bed! #I am not being insane I am having feelings and that is allowed. feelings are typically regarded as a pretty normal thing to have. #philosophy friend is gonna be so mad at me if anything comes of this but it’s fine and if it does I think I’ll be pretty happy anyway #point is I’m doing nothing wrong and have done nothing wrong and I’m allowed to feel whatever the hell I like. okay.

[arielmagicesi]

ugggghhh ok so I’m reading some books to prep for my student teaching in the fall, the ones that my host teacher knows are likely to be in the curriculum, and first of all why is it a thing that high schoolers are made to read Contemporary Lit Fic that can be summed up as “how many gory explicit descriptions of traumatic abuse can we fit into one book”, like every year it’s just One Standard Shakespeare Play, One Twentieth-Century American Classic, throw in some other shit, and Somebody’s Fucked-Up Memoir From A Decade Or So Ago. Are there any contemporary books that are good but NOT traumatizing? If not, I’m happy to stick to classic lit personally

ANYWAY so I’m reading this book to prep for the fall and I ended up skimming the whole latter 3/4 or so of the book to spoil it for myself so the suspense wouldn’t kill me, and now I’m up late despite being super tired because my brain is just cycling through every horrific thing in the book, plus the reviews I read online, some of which are insanely saying shit like “wah wah, get over it, stop whining, we all had rough times in our childhood” and I’m like... Am I the softest, most naive baby on the planet for reacting to this horrific memoir by feeling bad for the author and thinking that maybe we don’t need to be making high schoolers read this? I’m not saying it’s not well-written- it is well-written, and well-structured, but Jesus Christ.

(also why are we allowed to make students read horrifying memoirs of abuse but god forbid they know that slavery happened in this country, but that’s a different issue altogether)

so yeah I now have managed to make my entire evening about Trying And Failing To Get Some Images Out of My Head, which sucks because I had a LOVELY day and was looking forward to some well-earned sleep, and also I’m gonna have to go back and read the entire book so that I’m able to teach it properly and know all the literary devices in it and shit. Cool cool cool

#this is the same classroom where i did my student observing and their 'holocaust book' was this book called sarah's key #which is also unnecessarily traumatizing but doesn't even have the decency to be written well #and i asked my host teacher like 'hey. do we provide any like... emotional support to the students when they read That Scene' #and she was like 'yeah i have them write a response paper about their emotions reading the scene' #and idk i'm not 100% sure that's enough? #i know high schoolers put on a big song and dance about how edgy they are and how they can handle seeing any fucked-up shit #and some of them really do unfortunately have to live with fucked-up shit for real #but like. they're still humans? who are growing and developing? let's maybe give them breathing room with these things? #i love my host teacher she's great but i'm not confident she's gonna provide a lot of emotional support re: this memoir to the students #she's also way tougher and more resilient than i am. and so are most of the students tbh. i'm a tiny baby kitten and i know this #still i feel like we should probably allow some room for acknowledging Yeah That Was Fucked Up Huh #It's Normal To Feel Sad Now Actually #ANY THE FUCKING WAY. wish i'd gone to sleep early like i planned #at least it's the weekend tomorrow and all i have to do is go prove i don't have tuberculosis. again!!!! #(not that i had tuberculosis before. i just got tested before but it was over 6 months ago so not good enough) #that's also for student teaching! #i feel like my personal posts on this blog are just a psa on why not to become a teacher #i swear i love teaching lol but i love kvetching more #written by me

[cottagepunx]

i am just about to never talk to anyone again, i have almost no friends or life in person

#i feel rejected by everyone #i slept with one of my closest friends and now hes been avoiding me even tho we had been flirting for months #my partner is upset even though he said it was okay #i haven't talked to my best friend in ages and he hasnt reached out to me so i feel like thats just cut off #im not leaving the house and i feel like i am only bringing the people around me down #things feel good for a bit and then i just feel worse #i probably sprained my hand bc i punched a wall bc i wanted to relapse but the last time i did that my fiance hit them and called me stupid #i keep having truama responses to stuff #i haven't been able to find a job since april and i dont have enough money to keep living anymore #i havent had horomones in almost 2 weeks bc i ran out and haven't been able to get ahold of planned Parenthood bc theyre booked out until #like fuckin dec/jan and they dont ever answer their phones. ive gone so far as to call the ceo of my branch and she cant even do anything #about it. #i want to relapse so fuckin bad #everything is supposed to be going right for me. and its not. i apparently just do this shit to myself. i have to deserve it in some way

[stillfruit]

i hate spending money i hate how it makes me feel even if there’s no rational reason for it i hate the guilt and the burden and the anxiety and the fear and the pressure and t

#i've been planning to buy an ipad for ltierally years now to upgrade my drawing setup from idk 2014 #i did it today but fuck i hate how it makes me feel to buy things that cost a lot of money y #i have to make decisions and be responsible for them and i never make good decisions my track record on that is absolutely terrible #i always make the wrong ones and i feel guilty always no matter what i do #so it's so much easier to just? not do anything and stay stagnant but then again i can't possibly want that in the long run #bc not accomplishing or doing anything only mkaes me wanna die more #this is even if it's not my money or probably even more if it's someone elses bc this is my parents' gift to me but sfsvdfvjds i want to cry #they bought me one few christmases ago but i returned it bc it was just too much and ic ouldn't deal with it #why is it so difficult for me i cannot receive things #i'm buying all the accessories etc but like that's difficult for me as well #bc even if now i can comfortable afford this thing what if i can't in the future what if i need that money in the future #i've tried thinking this as a combined christmas birthday etc gift from my parents and my own gift for myself for getting my bachelors #but. yeah #i know how this sounds like if someone said this to me itd be reasonable to be like stfu youre getting an ipad what are you crying about #i know this is incredibly privileged whining about nothing but this aversion to gifts and spenidng money is just something that #bothers me about myself bc it's an example of whats wrong with me #i cannot imagine being a person who loves receiving and giving physical gifts how do you live with the implications of those #gifts are nice!!! but they're also a Lot for me #anyway waiting for the say i won't be on the edge for literally no reason <3333 #shit talking

[lesbiansanemi]

I have started to accept I am a bit more (re a lot more) psychologically unstable than I thought for a long time and man…. I’m tired of it

#I was in a relatively good mood today #work hasn’t been too bad and I get two days off starting tomorrow #(it’s rare for me to get consecutive days so I’m excited!) #plus my time off request for a weekend in may got approved and I’m super excited for the plans that are happening on that weekend #and then my roommate messaged me bitching about my cat and now I’m spiraling #hate everything hate myself anxiety levels skyrocketed feeling the intense need to upend/annihilate my entire life and start from scratch #questioning anyone who has ever said they care about me etc etc etc and it’s like wow! because of one vague text message! #this is not a normal response haha! and now that I’m aware of that #I’ve become a lot more intensely aware that these insane mood drops actually happen quite frequently for me #issue is to do anything about this I need to see a psychologist (which I’m trying to work on anyways) #but the only diagnosis I have is for adhd and idk how to go into psychiatric care like #PLEASE PUT ME ON MEDS PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PUT ME ON DRUGS AND I DONT MEAN LIKE 10 MILIGRAMS OF PROZAC TYPE SHIT #GIVE ME MOOD STABILIZERS OR AN ANTIPSYCHOTIC OR SOMETHING I AM BEGGINGGGGG I CANT FUNCTION LIKE THIS ANYMORE #I’m also mildly concerned (being afab) that if I go in pursing certain diagnoses I’ll get slapped with a bpd diagnosis #(and obviously I don’t mean that in the sense of bpd bad or I could NEVER have bpd or anything like that) #(I just mean I really don’t think I have bpd and I don’t want to be approached from the angle of needing treatment for that cuz I don’t #think it will help. if I have ANY cluster b disorder it’s def aspd lol. lmao.) #but. yeahhhhhhhhh. I’m tired of this and I’m tired of having no treatment and being in medicated #I’m tired of pretending I can function like this forever cuz obviously I can’t lol #and eventually (probably soon) it’s gonna burn me out and I’m gonna crash so hard and uh. bad things are gonna happen 😭 #kaz rambles

[dandy-lad]

.

#i need to be away from here #gott i just... #im autistic right just fyi #and my mum does not treat me as if i were #like she has neurotypical standards for me which i have to meet otherwise there will be Bad Consequences #and this is killing me bc im not neurotypical #the only way she'll treat me as autistic is if i get officially diagnosed #which i kinda want but also dont want #and its just. she's. gott my relationship with her is so complicated but shes caused me so much hurt and trauma and pain and #thats what im feeling right now. that. #i should get a diagnosis for me not for her #but i dont think i can survive in this environment for much longer #i told my dad i might try get diagnosed (havent talked to him about autism before) n he was like “okay” #pretty much verbatim #which is realistically the best response i couldve had #then he went on a rant about how autism “didnt exist” in the past and how its caused by vaccines #and this drug which apparently helps with autism and when i said No im not doing that i dont want to be “cured” this is a thing that #shouldnt be cured he was like ??? then whyd you want a diagnosis #hhhh but that i can deal with. after 4 years of being subjected to his and my mums conspiracy theory bullshit i can put up with it #at first it really stressed me out but i can cope with it now and come up with well thought out and factual grounded counter arguments #n i told my mum that dads fine with me getting a diagnosis n then i asked her if when i get one she'll treat me as if i were autistic #and she laughed and was like wait until you get one #like she doesn’t think i am which shows how Fucking Little she knows about me and how much i have to hide from her #because shes always shouted at me for Every Autistic Trait i display #im never fucking good enough for her #she treats me and percieves of me as if im neurotypical and Im Not #i remember once (after something happened) i heard her shout “WHY CANT I HAVE FUCKING NORMAL CHILDREN” or something like that #that sticks with you. #that shit hurts and sticks with you #who gave this woman two queer autistic mentally ill children to raise who's fucking plan was that

[osaemu]

GOJO SATORU: ❛❛ FINDERS KEEPERS, LOSERS WEEPERS! ❜❜

.ೃ࿐ streamer!au: the user "gojoslittleslut" tries to make a move on your boyfriend, but she doesn't stand a chance

contents: fem!reader. it's not too serious, nobody gets angry/jealous (except the comments lol). if u haven't already read the other streamer!gojo works u probably should so u understand the dynamic between satoru and his commenters !

author's note: reader is actually a mature person who doesn't pick fights with random ppl on the internet and i think we should all be more like her ꨄ︎

satoru leans back in his chair, idly chatting with people who pop up in his comments after he finishes his last round of the co-op game. his viewers are eager to chat, and some even shoot money satoru's way to draw his attention. whenever someone donates money, he gives them a quick shoutout and has a small back-and-forth with them, and he does that for everyone.

that is, until a user with a questionable username donates to his stream.

gojoslittleslut has donated $100.00!

gojoslittleslut: notice me pls

"shit, a hundred dollars?" satoru says, raising his eyebrows in mild surprise. "thanks, gojoslittl— oh, fuck, what is that?"

you look up from your laptop and see the way your boyfriend's cheeks have gone bright red. satoru laughs a bit nervously, so you get up and walk over, making sure to stay out of sight of the camera. you sit on satoru's desk beside his computer and peer at his screen curiously.

gojoslittleslut: im ur number one fan~

satoru's eyes flicker to yours for a second before he looks back at his monitor. "ah, well, thanks for the donation!" he replies, completely ignoring the user's advances.

suguru-geto: he has a gf ...

gojoslittleslut: yeah

gojoslittleslut: me

you cover your mouth to suppress a giggle, scrunching up your nose at satoru to let him know that you really weren't taking it too seriously. after all, it's just some random person on the internet—they don't stand a chance with your boyfriend. 

satoru reaches over and takes your hand, twining his fingers with yours off-camera. he ignores the sudden burst of comments that litter the corner of his screen, instead watching you intently. in response, you roll your eyes playfully and blow him a kiss, snickering when satoru pretends to faint.

eventually, he turns back to his screen, cerulean eyes doing a quick once-over of his new comments.

toji-fushiguro: ill take his gf any day

inumaki: we know gtfo

gojoslittleslut: toji i get gojo and u take his girl. deal?

toji-fushiguro: bet

"alright guys, settle down," satoru huffs, rolling his eyes. "for the record, i still have a girlfriend and i don't plan on changing that anytime soon," he clarifies, addressing the current feud going on in his comments. 

satoru's a good streamer—he does his best to keep things cordial and lighthearted with his audience, but he also knows his limits. one of his limits involves people trying to separate you and him, his one true pairing (of course satoru's otp is his own relationship).

your boyfriend leans closer to the screen and scowls good-naturedly, holding up the hand still wrapped around yours. "this isn't gonna change, so don't even think about it!"

satoru says his goodbyes and then ends the stream, turning to you with a sigh. "how down bad do you have to be to name yourself 'gojo's little slut?'" he grumbles, clicking through his stream analytics and finding the user. he opens gojoslittleslut's profile and studies it for a moment before hovering his mouse over the block button.

he leans back in his chair and tilting his chin up at you. "she just gave me a hundred dollars, so i kinda feel bad about blocking her," satoru muses, tapping his foot on the floor. he looks up at where you still sit on his desk, twirling a strand of hair around your finger. "c'mere," he mumbles, slipping his hands around your waist and hoisting you into his lap with a soft grunt.

satoru rests his chin on your shoulder and nudges his face into your neck, breath tickling your skin. "you know that i'm all yours, right?"

"of course i do," you murmur, settling into his arms. he's warm and comfortable, like always. satoru smiles warmly and kisses the side of your face, letting his lips linger.

"good. 'cause no fan account's ever gonna change that."

#osaemu #streamer!gojo #gojo x reader #satoru gojo x reader #jjk x reader #gojo x you #gojo x y/n #satoru gojo x you #satoru gojo x y/n #jjk x you #jjk x y/n #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen x you #jujutsu kaisen x y/n #gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru x you #gojo satoru x y/n #gojo fluff #jjk fluff #satoru gojo fluff #gojo satoru fluff #jujutsu kaisen fluff #gojo drabbles #jjk drabbles

[screampied]

i have an idea :]

ok so i always see people asking for gentle/needy/desperate choso. and i love it, but…

what about unassumingly ruthless choso? reader doesn’t know what she’s getting into? reader is cocky and gets humbled FAST? idk i just…

👉👈

❤︎ ໋𓈒 choso who puts his cute bratty gf in her place

warnings. fem! reader, attempted brat taming, doggystyle, big dick choso, unprotected.

you’ve always been one to push his buttons, mainly because he always made it so easy.

choso was as intimidating as a kitten, whenever you’d tease him he’d always keep composure or restrain himself.

briefly smiling nervously, kissing your wrist and telling you to be a good girl and wait until you each return home.

but one day, he kind of just snaps…

he takes you home from shopping nearly all day with you, and you were enthusiastically ecstatic. you wondered what he’d do this time, but your thoughts were no match for what he had initially planned. to put it brief, choso had you laid on the bed on all fours. he’s drilling ruthlessly into your pussy and you’re just…speechless. choso’s so handsy, every few seconds he’d spank your ass to hear you whine out his name—in such two slutty syllables.

“c-choso..” you’d moan, the left side of your cheek attached practically to the silk bed sheets as if it was velcro.

“shh, no talkin, princess,” he grunts, and you could hear the slight whine picking up his voice before he stops himself. “i-i have to be more stern with you it seems. can’t always be so nice, gotta humble you just a little bit, fuck.”

if it was a word to perfectly describe you right now, at this particular moment…it would for sure be…dumbfounded.

you couldn’t see yourself but you’d bet money you looked stupid.

choso’s dick was so lengthy, appetizing and hitting every spot with just the tiniest amount of pressures his thrusts had you gnawing on the inside of your cheek with your toes curling tightly.

“what’s the matter? no more attitude?” he huffs, tilting his head to move some remaining strands that were starting to occlude his vision.

“i-if you’re gonna be rough, at least go h—”

“…oh, baby, you’re jus’ asking for it by this point.” he murmurs, wiping his forehead with the back of his palm.

your eyes rolls at feeling the very tips the curve of choso’s cock kiss against your folds. so deep, his thrusts were sloppy. purely responsible for the squelched that continuously sang throughout the room.

choso grabs onto both of your waist, and you moan once he’s just dragging your hips back and forth against him, making sure you feel every thick inch of his.

“do me a favor ‘n arch your back more,” immensely, you do—your body responds to choso with such a quickness it was simply humiliating. “good girl….now,” and you barely recognize choso’s voice. usually it’s so sweet and tender, now it was rough and a bit husky, a rasp hidden underneath each sentence he spoke.

needless to say, you found this version of choso to be quite hot.

“wait,” he pauses, pausing the mood with his own cute stammer in his voice, back to normal. “not goin' to rough, am i? i want you to be comfortable and-”

“baby, ‘m fine. keep fucking me please.” you pleaded, feeling his hips stutter as he was in the middle of talking. even trying to keep up a act, he still wanted to make sure you were okay—choso simpers to himself, caressing your ass before spanking it yet another time.

“okay okay,” he hums. his hips pick up again and you’re basically being pounded into the bed. the grip he had on your hips wasn’t too rough but just the perfect amount.

choso’s breathing starts to pick up, and he enjoys the view of you more than he thought he would. his head goes back, along with his let down hair before he pivots his hips a certain way. your pussy clamped down against him and you hear his jaw clench in pleasure. “…shit.”

your legs quavered beneath him, and he then used a hand to bring both of your wrists behind your back. “j-just like that choso, please, please.”

“baby, you’re not supposed to be praising me,” he pouts, and you giggle before moaning again — a sudden moment occurs where you thickly swallow, only to continue your sweet whimpers. “this was s-supposed to be a punishment.”

“so punish me then.” you mewled, your cunt easily hugs him like a vice, the noise it makes, a wet pop and you’re just soaked. choso’s ears grows hot from the feeling and he knows you can feel it too.

he sighs, shoving you further into the bed. “you’re something else.” and his voice grows low and pitched again—yet choso does the unexpected. he leans right into you, and you instantaneously feel the heel of his foot press against the very back of your head.

he wore socks, the soft padded wool brushes against your neck, and he’s roughly driving into your pussy now to where you can’t even saying anything.

all that came out of your dumb mouth was a squeal, this angle…

“let me have you,” he grunts, balls deep, his base was thick and repeatedly thwacked against your entrance. you were dizzy…drunk, but not that kind of drunk. the good kind where all you could think about was how good you were getting stuffed by your boyfriend’s hefty cock. “yeah, just lie down and let me—fuck.”

you’re panting, and it felt so good.

choso was always used to being gentle and tender with you, although if you wanted him to be a little rougher, he was more than happy to oblige.

“i-i’m gonna cum, choso… gonna make me cum.”

“don’t think you deserve it, he utters, and your lips part, jaw dropping, plethora of sweetened moans only escaping as a subtle response. “you’ve been teasing me all day. even started to stroke me in the dressing room.”

“s-sorry.” you moaned.

choso remains with his foot near the back of your head before pursing his eyebrows together. “you’re not sorry are you, baby? be honest.”

“n—no,” you whined, the thickness of his shaft twitching inside of you felt so heavenly. you could have sworn you felt a vein that ran down his length pulse inside of your tight cunt. “you’re right, you’re right, ‘m not s-sorry.”

he chuckles. “you could have just lied, you know?”

choso’s angle and thrusts against you were so pivotal inside you, so astonishingly deep that not even moments later you end up cumming hard. leaving a ring around his base. your breathing was irregular and heavy, eyes half-lidded and just convulsing underneath him.

“messy girl,” he whispers, pulling out, not even caring that he didn’t finish, all that matters was that you did. choso turns you over before planting a kiss on your lips—you pull him in for another, and another, before you make him trample onto you. “did you learn your lesson?”

“no,” you moaned, sitting up before lightly shoving him down on his back, straddling his lap now. “i want more.”

choso smirks, sliding a hand down your waist, fully disregarding his flustered face at seeing you attempt to take control. “of course you do, brat.”

#★vegasbaby. #choso x reader #choso kamo smut #choso smut #choso kamo x reader #jjk smut #jjk x reader #jjk x you #jujutsu kaisen smut #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen x you #jujustsu kaisen x reader #anime smut #female reader