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animebw · 2 years

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So Assassination Classroom is... weird for me. I could tell you I had a blast from start to finish, and I’d be telling you the truth. But I could also tell you it was a constant aggravation, and that would be just as honest. I had such a great time with the first season, but my god did it test my patience at points. Frankly, I feel like my thoughts are too scattered to do a proper review. So instead, I’m just gonna go down a list of bullet points spouting off all my various swirling thoughts, good and bad. Hopefully that’ll make enough sense to get my opinions across.

-Seiji Kishi may well be anime’s most underrated director. Between this show, Tsuki ga Kirei, Yuki Yuna is a Hero (despite my issues with that show, the direction was excellent), and fucking Angel Beats, this man is a master of his craft. I would not have been laughing so hard at these jokes if they weren’t timed so impeccably, and the way he’s able to ground Koro-sensei’s inherent absurdity in a cartoonish world that still feels tangible is genuinely impressive. It may not be the most impressively animated show in the world, but it still pops with cinematic punch.

-This is one of very few anime that I actually watched dubbed! A friend suggested it, and after checking out the first episode in Japanese and English, I decided to stick with English. It’s got a few awkward performances and line deliveries, but it’s overall really strong. Especially Sonny Strait as Koro-sensei himself. Jun Fukuyama is fine doing his usual megalomaniacal grandiosity in the role, but Sonny’s take on the character as every dorky, unabashedly cringe “cool teacher” you’ve ever had was much more entertaining.

-While very few of the characters are that interesting on their own, I feel like the show does a good job making the overall cast feel balanced and interesting. You really get a feel for the class dynamic and how all these kids operate within it, even if you don’t get to know many of them personally.

-In general, I like how this is a shonen series that builds itself around the theme of teaching. Not every series for kids puts so much focus on the adults and their importance to kids’ lives, let alone makes that its entire driving point. In that way, it almost acts as a teacher itself, guiding its audience to unlocking their best selves by following the lessons that Koro-sensei imparts to his students.

-As for negatives... hooooooly shit, did I struggle with Irina. At this point in my anime-watching “career,” I am fully sick and tired of female characters who exist mainly to be stuck-up bitches so the story can humiliate them and “put them in their place.” Not to mention the fact she literally sexually assaulted Nagisa. That is a child, and you are a grown-ass woman, lady.

-It’s also weird, because even though I was watching the dub, I felt like I was subconsciously having a negative reaction to how I imagined her original Japanese performance was like. Martha Harms is having an absolute blast in the role, and her over-the-top deliveries could get a chuckle out of me. But after seeing so many characters like Irina in other anime, I feel like my sense memory of those characters’ performances still affected my overall impression of her as a character. I dunno, it’s bizarre.

-I don’t mind Koro-sensei having a thing for big boobs, that’s a perfectly fine character trait. But there were a few moments where that crossed a line into him outright stalking/harassing women as a “joke,” and fuck that noise ten ways to Shanghai.

-The one big issue I have with the structure of this series, at least in the beginning, is that it only seems to know one way to generate conflict. And that way is: introduce a completely new character, have them threaten to disrupt the status quo, and then dispatch them with the status quo unchanged by the end of the episode, either by shuffling them off screen and then they never show up again, or by adding them to the status quo in a way that doesn’t really change anything and just adds one more character to... exist, I guess. It’s not until the final arc of the season that it actually starts bringing some of those characters back and doing meaningful things with them, and it is pretty cool when it finally happens. Before then, though, it’s basically all one-offs who cease to be relevant once their designated episode is over.

-Nagisa looks damn good in women’s clothes.

I think that covers all my main points. As you can tell, I’m pretty divided on this show overall. I can safely say I had a great time, and it made me laugh my ass off on multiple occasions, so I can’t be too harsh on it. But at the same time, I can’t be too kind to it considering how much it could frustrate me. So let’s say it’s a 6.5/10? Maybe 7 if I’m feeling generous? Yeah, that seems right. I’ve heard the second season is way better, so I’m looking forward to that. Until next time!

#anime #the anime binge-watcher #tabw #assassination classroom #ansatsu kyoushitsu #ass class #2015 aniwatch

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hillariat · 3 years

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When I’m with you

Tags: Original work, Fluff, Romance, F/F, wlw, Comedy

Word count: 3,066

Summary: She followed me to my doorstep, and we embraced in a hug that lasted way longer than it should. As she departed, bidding an I'll text you when I'm home -a mere formality in Singapore- I began to wonder.

Did she feel the same?

In which Rachel has feelings for her best friend Jiamin.

Author’s note: This is just something to take note of before reading if you aren’t familiar with Singapore. This story uses some Singlish, mostly in dialogue. Singlish is the colloquial variation of English in Singapore. It has its own unique grammatical structure and slang terms borrowed from multiple different Asian languages. Different people integrate Singlish into their speech to varying degrees. For Singlish terms, I’ve given in text translations in [ ].

Also I’ve cross-posted this on Royal Road under the same title and author name.

____________________________________________________________

The first time I felt it, I was at the park with her in the middle of the night. She kept nudging me to try the flying fox. I rebuked that it wasn’t my thing, that it wasn’t appropriate with the skirt I was wearing, that she wasn’t strong enough to push me all the way to the other end.

In essence, I was scared. Yeah, a 15-year-old was scared of a piece of playground equipment that little 5-year-olds rode on a daily basis. Jiamin mocked me in much the same way, as if my reaction were a teleprompt script of my thoughts. I relented and awkwardly attempted to sit on the damn thing. She saw me struggle and halted her sharp remarks, most likely to not dissuade me from my reluctant decision. Instead, she opted for a constipated face, struggling to contain her laughter.

With an effortful push from Ms constipatedface, I was sent gliding across the playground with the whirring noise of cables being my only company. It was....not as bad as I thought. The slight breeze that brushed against my face, the passing scenery of a peaceful night was relaxing, the - yeah I was lying to myself. This was fucking scary. My feet were suspended a meter off the ground, ripping any sense of control I had over this damned thing away from me. I was at the mercy of the imparted force of Jiamin's push and whatever resistance the ill maintained wires provided. Without my calculator and notebook, I had no clue when or where exactly I would stop and not knowing brought upon deep seated feelings of insecurity that I thought I had tucked away under piles of 100th percentiles in report cards.

Fortunately for me, the flying fox slowed down to a stop whilst I was buried in my thoughts. The wires sagged under my weight, leaving my feet within reach of the ground. Jiamin jogged to me with a gleeful expression painted on her features, clearly very entertained by my suffering. I on the other hand probably looked like I came out of the Vietnam war. She asks me how it was, and I groaned. Well, “weh” was more accurate, but I’d like to think it was a groan. She chuckled, her deep voice filling the otherwise empty park. It wasn’t any different from her previous chuckles, but my heart clearly felt otherwise.

It fluttered.

I mulled over that feeling for several weeks. It wasn’t a foreign concept to me. I’ve heard friends talk about it at the canteen, heard hushed gossip amongst classmates during lessons and dramatized portrayals in media. But why now? Nothing has really changed between us; she hasn’t changed at all. So why now? 2 months ago, I would’ve said her laugh sounded like a dying pig but now I’m not so sure.

I took a glance at her, seated at a table diagonally to the right of me. To the undiscerning eye she was diligently taking notes in class, her face laser focused on what she was producing on paper. But I knew better. She was probably drawing bats and skeletons and anything else that could pass as a villainous henchman in a kid’s cartoon. She never cared much for math, or any other subject outside of recess. She once told me that she didn’t see the point of trying since she wasn’t planning to go anywhere after secondary school. When I pried further, she said “I’m damn stupid. Confirm cannot go anywhere”.

I think the only time I've ever seen her willingly try to study was in primary 5, a year before our Primary School Leaving Examinations. She suddenly became very interested in studying after I told her I wanted to go to Bukit Panjang Government High, a top public secondary school. Maybe she finally realized how important studying was. For that entire year she was buried in textbooks. I swore her head could've become a bookmark. When results came around, everyone thought it was a miracle, some divine intervention from god, that she did as well as she did. But I knew better. She was never one for prayers. We both entered Bukit Panjang Government High and Jiamin went back to slacker mode.

She turned to me, sensing my stare. We made eye contact, chocolate brown meeting chocolate brown, - yes Chinese kids all look the same – but for some reason I was ensnared.

I felt my face flush red.

I want to die. Please take me now death.

Bewilderment was plastered on her face. A moment passes. Then, as though she was struck with a thunderbolt of genius, her expression turned to a knowing smirk. Death, anytime now please.

She stuck her tongue out at me like the child she is and I, obviously, returned the favor. Because what else do you do when someone flicks their tongue at you? Ok, no death for now.

We shared a quiet giggle before turning back to our work. Well, I tried to. My whole body was consumed by….nice feelings. Warmth that felt like a hug. Butterflies threatening to break from my ribcage. That sort of stuff. It was topped off with starry eyes and a dreamy smile that probably made me look crazy.

I was so glad I didn’t have a tablemate, else I’d be probed on my strange expression. I don’t think claiming that I was merely enjoying the lesson at hand would’ve been believable. If it was it would imply that I was going gooey eyed over first order derivatives. I know I’m a nerd but I have standards. It’s got to at least be partial derivatives in a matrix to get me flustered.

So uh yeah, “mulling” didn’t actually involve thinking about my feelings. More like awkwardly fumbling through the full spectrum of emotions. I should do something about it. Just as I was about to plunge into another train of thought, I received a text from none other than her.

Jiah Lian: Wanna go monti next week?

That’s weird. Monti was a candlelit atas* [Fancy & expensive] restaurant that sat on Marina bay, aka the kind that people bring their lovers to for a proposal and have anniversaries and junk. I’d been wanting to eat there for months because apparently the pasta is to die for and they cook it tableside (I know, I have spoilt rich girl tastes) but I never really got around to it. I didn’t think it was her kind of thing. If I nagged her enough, she’d probably go with me, but show up in shorts and sandals and complain about spending $58 on pasta.

Trash bag: Sure, but don’t wear shorts

Jiah Lian: Wah, u wan see me naked alr? Pervert

Trash bag: Gross

Jiah Lian: ILY too :)

Trash bag: Wed?

Jiah Lian*: Caaaannnn

[*a pun on the Singlish word “ah lian” which means female gangster]

Wow. Oh wow. Out of all the things I thought would happen today, seeing Jiamin in a dress was not one of them. To be frank I was expecting her to show up in either shorts or a shirt-pants combo. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t pleasantly surprised though. She was wearing a spaghetti strapped cocktail dress that hugged her in all the right places, accentuating her slim form. The dress slit went all the way up her smooth, never-ending legs, leaving just enough room for the imagination. It was bare back too. The dress probably showed a bit too much skin considering she came from a conservative household, but I’m not complaining.

In a manner that was so unlike the way she was dressed, Jiamin yelled “Rachel!” and hurriedly made her way across the train station to me. She was like a puppy bolting towards its owner when they came home. Adorable.

She circled me once over, eyeing up my outfit in enthusiasm. Seemingly satisfied with what she saw, she gave a smile that ended at the corner of her eyes.

"Wah you damn chio*"[Pretty] She said, gesturing to my dress. It was a simple, off shoulder, A-line affair.

I nudged her shoulder playfully with my fingers.

“You also”

In response, she gave a goofy, ear to ear grin, her normal go-to reaction to compliments. Though this time I could’ve sworn there was a tinge of red coloring her cheeks. Maybe it was a trick of the light.

We made our way to the restaurant, talking about anything and everything from some idiot in history class that declared that they didn’t need to know about Hitler because, and I quote; “all the Jews are dead” (I don’t know how he got into an elite school) to whether or not caviar and white chocolate would taste nice together. Our hands brushed together once.

“In theory it should work because, according to food science, they have similar flavor compounds, like trimethylamine which has a fishy odour. So they – “

“What the shit! Who the fuck thinks white chocolate tastes fishy?!”

“Science does!” I happily sang. “and it thinks white chocolate would be very good with caviar.”

She cringed.

“Eeeeee, fuck that’s damn gross.”

“Hmm I dunno, now I’m very tempted to try it. Maybe I’ll order caviar later.”

She grasped her chest in relief.

“Thank god, Monti don’t have caviar.”

I gave her the most innocent and earnest smile I could muster.

“Then next time, we’re going to a seafood place and I’m bringing white chocolate.”

She looked at me with absolute horror. “I don’t know you! Who is Rachel?!” She proceeded to wander off in faux abandonment. I on the other hand am cackling with laughter. I loved grossing her out with science.

Once I caught my breath I jogged after her.

Our dinner was filled with idle chatter and a savored appreciation for the food. There was a moment where I thought she was going to place her hand over mine as she lightly grazed it, but in reality she was just trying to steal my phone. I would’ve thought that after the 10th time she’s failed that stunt, she’d know better. When the bill was settled, Jiamin of course complained about the exuberant price of pasta and my 'atas' tastes.

"I can treat you, y'know as 'compensation' for your company."

She snorted.

"You make me sound like a prostitute." We both chuckled. I continued.

"Legit though, I can treat you if you want."

She dismissed me with a wave.

"No need, hanging out with you is treat enough" She had a smirk and a...blush? Or was that the lighting? Doesn’t matter. What does matter is that I've gone into cardiac arrest and I haven’t told my family that I wanted a secular funeral. God bless the dim lighting.

On our way out, Jiamin's hand brushed against mine again.

Normally I wouldn’t think much of this, but the fact that it’s the 3rd time it happened today and on the same hands mind you,I was a bit perturbed. Jiamin was never shy about physical affection. In primary school she would constantly hold my hand, stating that it felt “nice” or something. I didn’t know why it’d be nice though; I was a sweaty kid; my palms were nasty. A couple months ago she tackle-hugged me because I helped salvage her “hopeless” physics project. In that same timeframe she pinched the crap out of my cheeks after we looked at my old childhood photos when we were at my grandparent’s place. That’s on top of her still holding my hand all the time. Then again recently there’s been a lot less physical affection. Maybe I pissed her off. Eh, she’ll talk about it when she’s good and ready. After all, she’s that kind of person. If you try to crack her open like an egg, she'll call you bitch and stop talking to you for 2 weeks. Trust me, I've tried.

Her hands brushed mine again, though this time she seemed more daring. Her index curled up around my pinky, as if testing the waters. I responded in kind, and she took that as a sign to be bolder. Her fingers cautiously crawled up further and soon our hands were intertwined. My stomach did something that the rest of me could not; a fucking backflip.

I really didn’t want this night to end so soon and it seemed as though Jiamin thought the same. She suggested that we take a walk along the bay because ‘food coma’. I happily agreed and that’s how we wound up walking along the bay hand in hand.

Her gaze was drawn to the city skyline on the opposite side of the bay, just as mine was to her. Her deep brown eyes hidden among too long messy bangs, petite pink lips and razor-sharp jawline were all illuminated -no- highlighted by the moonlight. She really was something else. I could almost just-

"The view damn nice."

My head snapped to said view. Little boxes glowed with artificial hues of blues, greens, whites and yellows. They peppered the orderly array of skyscrapers, starkly contrasting the night sky. Each building was interwoven with one another, smaller ones disappeared in the shadow of larger ones and the ones that were front and center demanded attention like a whiny 5 year old. Some towered above others in a supposed race to be the tallest, but never in a disorderly fashion. Every tower had its own distinct curves, angles and edges. Shapes that would normally belong in a dull geometry paper were fused together into deceitfully simple artistic hybrids, giving each building its own sense of character. Yet they all managed to fit together nicely into a coordinated group of semi homogenized modernity.

Pristine, structured, and beautiful. Truly fitting for a metropolis.

"It’s weird how every tiny box that’s lit has a worker inside" Jiamin gestured to a well-lit office building. She turned to me.

"Do you think our lives are gonna be like that? Working until 8+ in a box then go home and sleep and then do it again?"

I shrugged.

"Maybe? That depends on the job type and-"

"Do you want that?"

My expression furrowed. I’m not really certain of my reply but let it slip anyways. Bad Rachel.

" I-I don’t know. I haven’t thought that far. I mean we're so young and all.”

She quirked her brows.

"Then why you study so hard?" Despite her choice of words, her tone holds no animosity, just genuine curiosity.

"Well, because I like it." Jiamin continued to look at me, expecting more. I took a deep breath and continued. "And also because it gives me security"

"Like it opens up more doors? "

"No. It gives me something..." My eyes searched the ground as though the right words would appear at my feet. I swallowed. "to be proud of"

Jiamin fell silent at that. Her eyebrows furrowed, whether in thought or in sympathy I don’t know, but I hope it wasn't the latter. I don’t need that.

She chewed on her lips, contemplating on whether or not she should say whatever it was that was on her mind. I had half the mind to ask but again, I knew better.

"Sometimes I fail things on purpose."

My jaw dropped.

"What? Why?"

She shrugged.

"People think I damn useless. Like cannot do this, cannot do that. -she brought up her fingers to count - I lazy, stupid, hopeless, cannot make it."

I frowned and knitted my brows, trying to stitch together what she was trying to say.

"So you want to spite them?"

She sighed.

"Maybe. At least I know I'm good at failing"

I fell into silence, letting that sentence stew in my thoughts for a moment. I knew what I wanted to convey but I didn’t know how to convey it right. Neither of us cared much for words of pity after all.

"You know, I heard the best way to say 'fuck you' to someone is to be happy."

"You think I not happy is it?" She growled.

I held my hands up defensively. "No no. That’s not what I’m saying. I'm trying to say that maybe you should consider what does make you happy."

Jiamin paused for a moment, lips pursed in thought. She turned away to look at the skyline again and that was the end of that conversation. There were more words to be said about this topic, but they weren't going to be said today. That's fine with me.

The journey home was filled with a comfortable silence, the kind that I've always enjoyed with her. Though this time there was an added feeling of warmth and a silly soft smile plastered on my face. I never thought I'd like hand holding this much since primary school.

She followed me to my doorstep, and we embraced in a hug that lasted way longer than it should. As she departed, bidding an I'll text you when I'm home -a mere formality in Singapore- I began to wonder.

Did she feel the same?

My answer came the next day, when I found a bouquet of flowers carefully tucked under my desk. Attached to it was a handwritten note with an anonymous sign off. I had only read half the note when I realized who my secret admirer was.

The messy scrawl was practically indecipherable to all but the best doctors, but I had seen it far too many times to not know what the squiggles conveyed. I sighed. I told her more than a dozen times that she should've done her handwriting homework, stating that unlike every other mundane piece of work she never did in primary school, this would come back to bite her. Only once had she listened.

It was apparent from the first line of the note. The ‘a’ in dear, in my name and scattered about in every other word that demanded the vowel stood out like a sore thumb. Unlike every other letter which was hideously malformed beyond recognition, the ‘a’s were written perfectly. From the not quite circular tri-pointed body to the tail flick at the end, the ‘a’ was a perfect imitation of the template we were forced to trace over as kids.

I pulled out my phone, shooting my not-so-secret admirer a text thanking her for the bouquet, watching in amusement as her face turned the same color as those flowers.

#original fiction #romance #fluff #original story #fic #singapore #wlw

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roxannarambles · 7 years

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Blackwell Legacy “Flaws”

(repost of an old post from a different blog)

So I recently finished replaying Blackwell Legacy with the commentary. The game developer, Dave Gilbert, spent a lot of the time apologizing for what he thought of as flaws in the game. This is only natural, of course– artists are always very critical of their own work and especially critical of their own old work. They’ve changed and grown and their old work usually makes them wince. But it’s truly amusing how many things he said were bad in his old game were things I really enjoyed about the game and, indeed, are largely what drew me to it to begin with.

This post will go over some of those supposed flaws and will contain spoilers for The Blackwell Legacy. I’ll spoil as little as needed, but you’ve been warned.

One thing the dev apologized for was the opening two puzzles of the game. The first involves Rosa talking to an annoying doorman who refuses to let her into her apartment building because he doesn’t recognize her and therefore she mustn’t live there. The second puzzle involves Rosa tracking down a neighbor to vouch for her, but the neighbor is performing in front of a crowd and Rosa is too shy to just barge up and interrupt. The dev called this bad game design, because people don’t like to be told ‘no’ when they’re trying to do something, especially when they’re first starting to play.

Personally, I loved these first puzzles. That doorman annoyed the heck out of me, and I kind of wanted to clock the kid. Rosa was just as annoyed with him as I was, though. It filled me with an urge to show that kid he was wrong and get Rosa back into her apartment. Yeah, he was annoying– he was supposed to be, though. Is it a little frustrating? Yeah. Not so much to immediately make me leave, though. It just made me determined. True, you could start off a game so that the player can immediately do stuff and be rewarded for it, but I think people respond to an immediate challenge, too, especially if you can immediately empathize with the protagonist.

Over in the park, where Rosa needs to find her neighbor, Nishanthi, you are faced with your second challenge. At first it seems like no puzzle at all– just march right up to Nishanthi and ask her to vouch for you, right? Except, Rosa doesn’t want to do that. That would be awfully awkward and feel rude. The player needs to find another way. I adored this and found it unique. Actually take the character’s feelings into consideration instead of making them a mindless slave to your control? Actually create a challenge for somebody with mild social anxiety to overcome? That’s awesome. Maybe the only reason I loved this was because I empathized with Rosa and I understand what shyness and social anxiety can be like. But I like to think other people can enjoy it too and appreciate that the character study is built into the puzzles themselves. These first two puzzles, plus the charming solution to the Nishanthi puzzle, interested me enough to keep watching the LP I had looked up, and eventually get the game for myself.

Another thing the dev pointed out he did not like was the “exposition dumps” he did in this game. They didn’t feel like exposition dumps to me, though. The conversation Rosa has with Dr. Quentin was fascinating to me. I found the mystery intriguing and the voice acting for the Dr. to be so damn good that I couldn’t help but be interested. A few minor plot holes caught my attention (I mean, c’mon, if you had Aunt Lauren’s file-folder of letters all these years, surely you could have given them to Rosa before now?) but other than that? It was engrossing to me.

This is immediately followed by Rosa getting home and reading the folder full of letters. The dev thought having the player read 25 pages of letters was an insane idea in retrospect. I think it’s fantastic. They go fast and are a good read. I truly enjoyed them and even wished there were more. The dev said something to the effect of, if a game asks you to read a bunch of backstory, it’s a terrible thing. But doesn’t anyone remember Myst? That game from the 90s that was intensely popular and had multiple, beautiful hand-written books ingame that you could read if you wanted backstory? I adore anyone who has the guts to do that in a game. Narrative is a beautiful thing and has its own strengths for imparting a story, and I think if used the right way, can have a place in a game. Of course it’s good to “show” information too, and not just have somebody read it. For instance, the playable flashback sequences in later Blackwell games are a great way of giving backstory. But letters aren’t horrible, and can be a practical way of imparting a lot of interesting backstory too. I enjoyed the “mixed” experience, of both gameplay and letter-reading– the variety makes it fun to me. Telling a story through multiple avenues can make a feel a game feel richer and a more complex experience.

Maybe I’m nuts, I dunno. But I like to read. And this aspect of the game really pleased me a ton and just made me more invested in the mystery and story.

There’s something else I’d like to praise Blackwell Legacy for. I don’t think the dev ever directly mentions this in his ingame commentary, so I don’t know his thoughts on this matter. But I personally love the relatively slow buildup of this game before it introduces Joey and fully hits its stride. The game really takes its time to set the mood and ambience and the gradual unfolding mystery. I love how it’s just joining Rosa in her rather normal life at first. It makes the introduction of Joey all the more dramatic, and the contrast between Rosa’s normal life and how it’s suddenly changed is one you can feel directly. The start of this game involves puzzles in fairly “mundane” settings, just a rather typical day for this New York writer recluse, yet the puzzles are interesting anyway despite being about fairly “mundane” things. They are a great warmup. Then the game picks up speed. Her ordinary day becomes less and less ordinary. Her Aunt’s doctor talks to her about all this unsettling stuff and odd mysteries. Then she’s out investigating some suicide for her newspaper, even though she’s far from a reporter. Just when you think it’s over with and her weird day can finally come to an end, bam! Her whole world changes.

It was a very enjoyable way to be introduced to Joey. His arrival had so much impact that way, because of this gradual buildup. It felt momentous and signaled the start of Act Two in the game, with the pacing picking up at a thrilling speed. The Blackwell games clearly display an excellent degree of story pacing and structure. There is also an Act Three in this game, when we uncover and face the source behind all these suicides. So? Well, that’s pretty neat. You don’t get that by accident. It comes from being actually good at planning out a story, and I really appreciated that.

That about covers the things I wanted to dicuss for now, I think. This little game may be the first in the series, and a recreation of an old freeware project, but I still think it’s an excellent start to the series. I would gladly suggest checking it out if you haven’t.

#blackwell #joey mallone #rosa blackwell #blackwell legacy

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mildswearingat4am · 7 years

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In honor of 4/13, here’s the first and only Homestuck fanfic I’ve ever written. (Ah, memories.) Basically a humanstuck “that one type of school anime where clubs are super important” AU. Feat. Dave, Jade, and a dash of Karkat.

Clubs ’n’ Shit

Your name is Dave Strider, and you are beginning to think starting a paleontology club was a fucking stupid idea.

Well, to be accurate, trying and failing to start a paleontology club. For some reason the rest of the student body did not appreciate the coolness that was scientifically studying dead shit. Kind of like how they weren’t appreciating your coolness, even though at this point they’d had like two weeks to bask in it like the cold-blooded lizards they were.

Actually, you were probably too cool for them to handle. Cold as the frozen fucking tundra. Like, with permafrost and all that shit. Yeah.

Well, whatever. Paleontology hadn’t even been your first choice, club-wise, but two assholes from Ms. Alternia’s class had already formed a rap club and listening to them once was enough to tell you that wasn’t an option. There was no way in hell you could survive an hour of that steaming shit every day after school, much less participate in it. Not even ironically. Besides, as long as it kept you out of the house and away from the strifes with Bro, which had been getting pretty fucking painful lately, it didn’t matter what kind of club you joined.

As long as it wasn’t totally uncool.

Or, you know, full of people who’d annoy the hell out of you—or even worse, actually expect you to put some kind of effort into this. Forming your own club meant you could make the club activities doing whatever the fuck I want until the school makes me go home. And if you were the only member, well, that was just another plus. You like people in theory—like, you like your internet friends just fine—but in practice, the people you’ve met tend to be unredeemable assholes. Alone is not the worst thing to be.

What you hadn’t counted on was the fact that clubs actually needed to have members to be official. Granted, you only needed two, which was pretty ridiculous, but that was still one more than you had on your lonesome. The school’s solution? Mash two totally different one-person clubs together and pat themselves on the back for a job well done. Fucking genius.

So here you are, lounging in an uncomfortable plastic chair in the room they’d assigned to the newly created Science Club, waiting for the other member to actually show up. They’d lumped you in with some poor idiot who’d tried to start a nuclear physics club. Nuclear fucking physics. Paleontology may have been a longshot, but anyone who thought that would interest anyone else needed their head examined, stat.

The door flies open suddenly with a loud crash, nearly making you jump out of your chair. A girl stands in the doorway. “Is this the right room?” she pants, clutching a crumpled scrap of paper in one hand. “Sorry, just transferred in last week. I got lost.”

You squint at her: there are like two windows in this shitty little classroom and the light is low, but taking off your shades is not an option. You can still see her pretty well, anyway.

She’s wearing a t-shirt with a picture of an atom or something on it and a skirt that goes all the way to the floor, which seems like it would be kind of hard to run in, but whatever. Her long, frizzy black hair goes almost all the way down her back and it’s sticking up at weird angles, twisted in the straps of her ginormous backpack and falling in her face as she bends over to catch her breath. She looks up at you expectantly; her eyes are the kind of green usually reserved for living, growing gardens, and kinda twinkly, like she’s laughing at something and inviting you to do the same.

Wait, what?

While you were thinking weirdly poetic shit all of a sudden, she was still waiting for your response. “I could tell you if you’ve got the right spot,” you say, “if I actually knew what room you were looking for.”

“Oh!” she exclaims. “Whoops, sorry. I’m supposed to be meeting the other member of Science Club.” She holds up the paper; the handwriting is totally illegible, but you can make out a word that sort of looks like “science” and the room number, 413 B.

You smirk and offer an ironic wave around the classroom. “Look no further.”

Her face lights up. “That’s great!” She straightens and walks over to stick out a hand. “Hi! Jade Harley. Sorry I’m late.”

You glance over at clock. All club activities are supposed to start at 3:30.

It’s 3:32.

You suppress a snort but shake the hand she’s offering anyway, rolling your eyes behind your shades. So far, she’s exactly the kind of dork you’d expect to be interested in nuclear physics. “Dave,” you say.

“Hi, Dave! Nice to meet you!”

“Likewise, Jade Harley.”

“You can call me Jade,” she says, pulling up a chair next to you with a clatter and falling into it, her backpack falling to the floor with a loud thud.

“I could,” you agree, slouching back in your own seat.

“But you didn’t.”

“Nope.”

She giggles for no particular reason—must be one of those little-ray-of-sunshine people—and tilts her head to study you. “Ohhh,” she goes. “You like being contrary.”

“Ironic,” you correct her.

“Right, ironic. Because just using names like regular isn’t cool enough.”

“That would be the opposite of cool,” you deadpan. “Not even that. It’d be, like, lukewarm. Fucking tepid. Totally uncool.”

What the hell are you even saying? You usually do your best not to spout this kind of shit out loud or in front of people. It weirds them out.

But she just laughs again. “I like your shades.”

“Of course you do. These shades are the shit.”

“Sooooo cool,” she agrees.

If you didn’t know better, you’d swear she’s making fun of you. But she’s a goody two-shoes nerd who apologizes to people for being two fucking minutes late—there’s no way. No way. So you take the words at face value and nod solemnly.

“But anyway,” she says, “today’s the first official meeting of the club! What do you want to do?”

“Uhhh,” you reply eloquently. You’d been planning to just screw around until the meeting was over, but saying that in the face of her expectant grin and obvious enthusiasm is impossible. “I dunno. I guess we’re supposed to be doing… science. Or some shit.”

“Science,” she repeats, rolling her eyes. “Ugh. It’s so silly, isn’t it? Science Club.” She makes air quotes as she says it. “I mean, nuclear physics and paleontology are two totally different areas of study, and they just put them together and call it science.”

“It’s messed up,” you agree.

“So messed up.”

You nod.

She huffs, crumpling up the paper in her hand in defiance.

There’s an awkward silence. Shit, you hate silence. Even more when there’s some girl just sitting there in the silence, watching you. You feel the need to start rambling pressing in on you from every direction, like invisible shrink-wrap

Jade seems to decide something. “Can I tell you a secret?”

“Uh, sure,” you say, feeling the pressure ease. “I mean, if you want. Like I’m not begging you to tell me, but if you did I would be here. Listening.” Now would be an excellent time to shut up, you think.

Jade leans in, glancing around like she’s imparting top-secret national security information and she’s got a check the perimeter before she spills it. “About my nuclear physics club…”

She’s actually kind of close to you right now. “Yeah?”

“I actually wanted to start a gun club,” she tells you. “But I figured the school would freak over that, so I wound up going with my second choice.”

You stare at her, blinking stupidly, as she leans back with a little smile. “What?”

“Gun Club. It has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?”

“Guns, as in…?” You flex your arms—then immediately a) realize they’re noodles and b) vow to never, ever do that again.

Jade shook her head, her eyes doing the sparkly thing again. “Right now my rifle is probably my favorite, but Grampa’s dueling pistols are pretty awesome too. And we’ve got some huge machine guns that we had to leave on the island.” She pauses, visibly deflating, and sighs. “Can’t legally own or operate them in this country yet.”

You only stare at her.

And then the door crashes open, nearly flying off its hinges, and a third person enters. He runs a hand through his messy hair—like, actually messy, not on-purpose, styled-to-be-messy, although it looks kind of good on him anyway and why are you even thinking about this—and drops his backpack on the ground, where it immediately pops open and sends a wave of papers and textbooks and stubby pencils cascading across the floor.

The new kid looks down at the books. Looks at you and Jade. Then he takes a deep breath.

“I CANNOT BELIEVE THOSE FUCKASSES KICKED ME OUT OF FILM CLUB!”

Good thing your shades hide your expression—bug-eyed surprise does not go with your image.

And your eyes only bug more when Miss Gun-Toting Nuclear Physicist, totally unaffected by the sonic grenade this douche just lobbed into your ear-holes, smiles and sticks out a hand once more. “Hi!” she says. “I’m Jade, and this is Dave. Are you here for Science Club?”

#413 #homestuck #fanfiction #dave strider #jade harley #a little karkat #humanstuck #clubs AU #sort of davejadekat #like the early stages/setup for the ship #let's see how long it takes for me to come to my senses and banish this fic to the void #aka delete

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slothcritic1 · 7 years

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Moana (2016)

Amazing Hair: The Movie. Moana is a tale of Hawaiian/Polynesian folklore centering around Dwayne The Maui Johnson and brand new talent (Auli'i Cravalho) as the titular character.

As someone who grew up with Toy Story, it’s funny to think about what this movie represents from a technical standpoint. Toy Story purposefully did not have an explositions or exposed liquids due to the limitations of technology at the time. And now we have a movie that takes place 90% of the time in the middle of a huge ocean.

The movie has some genuinely good songs, thanks to the singing talents of Ms Cravalho and, surprisingly, Dwayne Johnson himself. Yes, The Rock can sing, and while it’s semi-obvious that he doesn’t have the range of some other singers, he works within his means and knocks it out of the park in the song You’re Welcome

The plot structure itself is very formulaic however, which is a shame as everything else holds up so wonderfully. The focal girl has a duty to uphold, but instead decides to “follow her destiny” and choose a life of adventure over the life she’s expected to live (you know, like Brave, Frozen, Mulan, Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, Hunchback of Notre Dame, Tarzan… you get the point). She then meets up with the wacky, street wise (or ocean wise), reluctant helper that she goads into helping on her journey. They become friends and bond, then theres the third act break up where the helper separates for no good reason, and the fourth act triumphant return at the ending climax for even less of a good reason.

With that out of the way, the movie rocks. Some people completely judge a movie only on plot, but I think it’s more about how it makes you feel. A movie is a vessel for emotion and intrigue.

Aside from the stunning visuals (which, lets face it, are now a standard practise for Disney Pixar films) and a catchy song (songs however are much easier to screw up, and this movie has a lot of good ones), the opening scene is bland. It sets up Moana to be the next village chief and her journey into leaving the island. The scene doesn’t really have anything for itself, but rather is used to carry the impact of when she actually disembarks. It’s necessary for backstory (no one ever leaves the island), exposition (Moana is the daughter of the village chief, etc) and the premise (find Maui and have him restore Heart of Te Fiti to stop a black virus from consuming all life), but doesnt do too much on its own.

The disembarkment scene however is wicked powerful. My friends thought I was alien for not crying or tearing up during it, but I will admit it did give me a good *pang* in the heart. Magical spirit stingray!

Two things should also be mentioned at this point. 1) A rooster named Hei Hei has snuck aboard Moana’s boat. It’s a very special rooster that my friends would not stop comparing to me. And B) The ocean is a sentient character of sorts, and provides some of the comedy for the movie.

Moana follows the constellation of the fish hook to where Maui is, since thats his dealio. At some point however, the lovable ocean gets triggered and decides to unleash its torrential stormy wrath upon Moana. I mean, it does get her to Maui’s island, but I’m sure there were less dickish ways of accomplishing that. Though I don’t think ocean cares since it killed Moana’s dad’s best friend. Oh, ocean, you little scamp.

Maui pops in and drops my favorite song of the movie, then steals the boat and leaves Moana to… I dunno, die? But she makes it back to Maui and explains that he needs to help her because, guess what, she’s the Disney Princess of this movie. And yes - She is. Her father is chief, which is like a king. She’s the chief’s daughter, which is like a king’s daughter, aka princess.

Maui responds by throwing the Heart of Te Fiti several miles away. This almost works out for Maui until p̶l̶o̶t̶ the ocean interferes by throwing it back, railroading him into a whole new world.

Maui however is at a disadvantage in his current state; He’s missing his hook. No hook, no powers. So when tribal coconuts show up on a HUGE ship, armed to the coconuts with poison blow darts, they’re kind of fucked, especially when they steal the Heart of Te Fiti, which is… currently inside Hei Hei.

Luckily, Moana does some badass shit while Maui handles the boat and the three of them get out fine. Next stop, Maui’s hook. But before that, Moana wants to drive the boat. Maui says no, and the ocean pricks him with a stray poison dart. Now he cant drive. But he can pee in the water just as he tells Moana to check for a “warm current”

I can get on board with that level of petty.

They arrive at Monster Island, which is where Maui’s hook is. Maui tells her to stay on the boat and do nothing like a good woman while macho man demi-dude saves the whole day. It has little success. I should also mention, this entire time they’ve been traveling from Casa de Maui to Mount Doom, Maui has just been roasting Moana for being a Disney princess. To summarize:

“Oh look at me. I’m the chosen one. I’m like 8 years old and never sailed a boat in my life, but here I am thinking the ocean chose ME, with my bleeding heart spiel and animal companion to try and save the world.”

To be fair, large bodies of water have never been good at chosing leaders - Ask Monty Python.

Regardless, Moana and Maui both climb what is basically a 90 degree incline to the top of the Dread Spire. It is at this point Maui informs Moana that the door to the monster realm can only be opened with a human sacrifice. Before Moana can protest, Maui ritually disembowels her with his own hands to appease the ancient blood gods.

Kidding. He chants a few words and the gateway opens. The two jump in, and Moana is almost eaten or killed numerous times with the first few moments of being in the realm of the monsters.

Maui’s hook is resting upon a mountain of gold. Seems innocent enough to Moana, but Maui insists she wears a bright and gaudy disguise to draw the attention of… something.

The mountain of gold rises up. Turns out thats just its back. Meet the British Crab. He sings a song about how he loves shiny things and then nearly eats Moana, until Maui reveals he retrieved his hook from the British Crab’s back.

But he’s a little rusty and it, uh, doesn’t work right. So Maui gets his shit stomped by BC. Moana saves the day by painting a rock with bioluminescent algae to make it look like the Heart of Te Fiti, which is shiny, and BC is all about the shiny.

They escape, and Maui learns to reuse his hook. Everythings looking swell until they try and take on the great evil of the story, Te Ka. He uses fireball and Maui presses E to deflect with his hook, only instead the hook gets mad cracked. It sparks like its somehow made of electricity, which I find weird. Maui is now done with life since his hook is nearly toast and he fucks off, leaving chosen girl all by herself, depressed as fuck in the middle of nowhere, ocean.

One drug trip and amazing song later, she regains her confidence and tried to take on Te Ka by herself. It surprisingly works, because now she knows how to drive a boat. Hei Hei comes in clutch and stops the Heart of Te Fiti from falling off the boat, and they make it through the border islands towards their main goal.

Te Ka is still rather pissed, being a giant lava demon and all, so he keeps trying to kill Moana. And for no real reason, here comes Maui to save the day - or at least to stall Te Ka until Moana can do the thing. His hook gets completely totalled but its okay, because he learned a valuable lesson off-screen that he’s still Maui, hook or no hook.

Moana realizes that the Heart actually goes into Te Ka. So she pulls a Moses, lets Te Ka come at her bro, and puts the Heart into her chest. This turns her from the red Lava Groot to the green Mother Nature Jemima, and everything is better forever. And hey, she gives Maui a brand new hook after he apologises for being the literal cause of ALL of this. Maui does his own thing and Moana becomes the leader of a brand new generation of voyagers.

I do have to applaud Disney for NOT having the two of them kiss at the end. Its always nice to see a platonic m/f duo in movies and the romance subplot sells so well to resist sometimes.

Overall, very stunning. I often cite “movie feel” as a reason why movies with plot/cliche/logistic problems can still make good movies, and this movie does a wonderful job of sweeping you off your feet. Though honestly, the writing on this movie is not bad. Rather, I would say its poorly structured. Think of it like a support beam a beanstalk might grow up. The characters were amazing; Full of life, personality and moderately complex emotions, the animation is so good the whole movie is like a humble brag about how awesome the DisneyTech is, a lot (i’d say 80%) of the script is bang on, and an astounding amount of the songs are really good - Songs are easy to screw up and I’d say that’s this movies second biggest strength (behind hair/water animation). It just struggles with the standard “winning formula” plot structure that was honestly ill-fitting in parts and did not impart a wholesome explanation or comprehensive rationale behind certain scenes.

I’m not a big Disney buff (unless you count the Star Wars acquisition), so I’m not qualified to say how this ranks compared to other movies (disregarding modern tech advancements and focusing more on storytelling) - However I will say that it’s better than Frozen.

#slothcritic #moana #moana review

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