#feeling normal amounts of thoughts and emotions about this one made up freak

[hella1975]

hella would you like to tell the class (me) about your touya playlist

i dont WANT to im GOING TO bc i literally am acting posessed rn and have no say in the matter anymore. fuck my stupid baka life. anyway id like to preface this by saying to anyone who actually knows anything about mha that some of what i say might be fanon hcs and not canon, and that's bc ive absorbed mha content in possibly the most insane way possible and at this point even i dont know what's canon and what's from the hundreds of thousands of words of fanfiction ive read in a short amount of time. like i am in free fall rn i have bigger problems to be quite honest

touya's playlist song-by-song!

so off the bat, this playlist is much more somber and angsty than you might expect of dabi and that's bc i already have a playlist specifically for his identity as dabi, and that leans way more into songs that have his VIBES and/or i feel like he'd listen to. this one however is just pure devastation bc alas he is fucked in the head.

the archer - COMBAT HE IS LITERALLY READY FOR COMBAT! his whole personality the reason he was PUT ON THIS EARTH was to fight and be a hero he was never supposed to be a child he was never supposed to be HUMAN he was always always defined by his ability to fight his skill as a firewielder his need to surpass all might. i say i dont want that but what if i do? he just wants his dad to love him, to acknowledge him, and if this is what it takes then by god he'll do it until it literally kills him BUT ALL OF MY HEROES DIED ALL ALONE! HIS DAD IS THE NO.2 HERO AND HE'S THE FIRST PERSON TOUYA NEEDED SAVING FROM! THEY SEE RIGHT THROUGH ME THEY SEE RIGHT THROUGH ME CAN YOU SEE RIGHT THROUGH ME? HE'S NOT THE FIGHTER HE SAYS HE IS HE'S JUST A CHILD. and then the most sickening bit: all the kings horses and all the king's men couldn't put me back together again. his body literally falls apart on him and the childish reference to humpty dumpty is just the reminder that he was only thir-fucking-teen when that happened. who could ever leave me. who could stay

the view between villages - this song is obvs 'being in your home and feeling it all coming back at once' and for noah kahan that's specifically the drive 'between villages' but for touya this song really makes me think of sekoto peak and just the todoroki residence as a whole. it's this beautiful lush forested area and it's where touya todoroki dies. he asks for his dad to come and see a technique that he's learned, something that's finally his, something shouto can't do, and enji isn't there and it kills touya. his quirk malfunctions and he burns himself alive and takes this beautiful landscape with him and enji isn't there. a minute from home but i feel so far from it. the death of my dog the stretch of my skin it's all washing over me im angry again. the things that i lost here the people i knew! they got me surrounded for a mile or two! losing my mind!

strangers - what started it all. he is yet another 'i tried to be good am i no good?' character and im not okay about it at all in the slightest. please, i just wanted to be good enough. i tried to be good and it set me alight. i just wanted to be yours. and then touya dies and they FORGET ABOUT HIM there's no public backlash there's no inquiry there's hardly even a funeral shouto doesn't remember him natsuo and fuyumi are hardly allowed to mention him the world consciously actively and purposely buries touya todoroki his memory restricted to a polaroid in evidence and then he returns. he returns ugly and scarred and barely held together. am i making you feel sick. and through it all, his mother is in a mental hospital, watching him on the news, crying and waiting up for him. dont think about it too hard or you'll never sleep a wink at night again.

ptolemaea - this song captures 'the breaking point' perfectly and that's just very touya especially for sekoto peak. promising a fire any fire im on fire im on fire im on fire what have you done stop stop make it stop ive had enough stop stop stop stop STOP I AM THE FACE OF LOVE'S RAGE. and so dabi was born in fire and anguish and agony. also if u take the doctor and all for one angle with this song about how they wanted touya as a second shigaraki and they took him from sekoto peak then the whole 'you poor thing you sweet mourning lamb there's nothing you can do it's already been done' is v much giving that angle of them taking advantage. blessed be the children each and every one come to know their god through some senseless act of violence.

be an astronaut - i talked about this song the other day bc the lyrics are kinda inexplicable but it fucking GUTS me and i could not tell you why. like the desperation of the vocals is just ughhhh give me a song that sounds borderline hysterical and ill eat it up regardless of what it's about. replace 'astronaut' with any specific character's motivation and you've got a prewrapped blorbo song right there. touya you were born to be your father's destiny and you'll do that or die trying. but there's an overarching air that it's a pity, it's a waste, it's hopeless. the song is almost MOCKING. all touya wants is revenge on endeavor, and yes it's blind and hateful and consumes him, but still is it really so much to ask? but he doesn't even get that much. the way the manga is going, touya will die and endeavor will be redeemed. nothing dabi did ever mattered. touya todoroki never mattered. it was always as ridiculous as a child saying they want to be an astronaut

waiting room - he got away from the abuse he opened his eyes and took down his father from the pedestal he put him on he acknowledged that his dad wasn't the hero anyone thought he was he already admitted the scary thing; that endeavor is not and never was good and everything he fed touya was wrong. it's for the better that he knows these things. it is. it's for the better. he's glad to be away from home. he is he is he is. it's for the better i know it's for the better i know it's for the better

christmas kids - YOU'LL CHANGE YOUR NAME AND CHANGE YOUR MIND AND LEAVE THIS FUCKED UP PLACE BEHIND BUT I'LL KNOW!!!!!!! 'dabi' and 'touya' are such wildly different people because dabi genuinely believes that touya todoroki is dead. he died at thirteen at sekoto peak and dabi was born. they aren't the same. touya was the weak, abused child who just wanted to be good. dabi is the villain ready to spill blood in his name. but at the end of the day, dabi is touya and touya is dabi. he can pick another name, go wherever he likes, join the league of villains if he wants, but that will always, always be true

i bet on losing dogs - this is just perpetually playing when i think about him. he's doomed to fail. he's not going to make it. i already know he isn't but oh god he deserved better

a burning hill - okay i was feeling funny like yes 'im tired of wanting more' 'im a forest fire and i am the fire and i am the forest and i am the witness watching it' is v touya coded and the general exhaustion of this song is horrific on its own let alone applied to a character that has been through so goddamn much, but also... it's literally a burning hill.... sekoto peak was a burning hill.... ha.... haha

mary on a cross - so glad u specificaly sent this ask bc the tbosutuals are SO insane about this song. like yes like all ghost songs it's technically just about horny sin but i will always, always associate this song with character death. specifically (and this is why it upsets me so much) this is one of the few character death songs of mine that isn't objectively sad, and that's because it reminds me of their LIFE. like it feels like a flashback in the moment of death of all the beautiful things, and it was beautiful it was brilliant, but they die anyway. they dont get to make it despite despite despite. and THAT'S why this song will always fuck with me. so yeah. touya. admittedly he's not on darya's level yet bc this will always be her song but for me to even touch this song with another character speaks volumes

cigarette daydreams - the ultimate 'you were too young to experience what you did' anthem. the vibes of this song are so dismal it sounds like what rain feels like. you were only seventeen. touya was 13/14 when he died and he woke up from his coma as dabi when he was 16/17 (pretty sure it was 16 but 17 works better with this song so shhhh). and then he's just. unaccounted for until he's 24. he's nothing and no one on the streets of japan and in the criminal underworld and he's just a fucking kid. a scared, traumatised, in constant pain kid.

hearing damage - hiiii it's me and this song again <3 similar to cigarette daydreams im going crazy about vibes again. like this song is so unsettling it's like static it FEELS like a dissociation and that's a really common coping mechanism for someone who's experienced high levels of trauma/constant stress to just pull the shutters down and tap out of the bad thing happening. like ive said before even if it isnt confirmed or denied yet that i know of i do firmly believe that dabi's just been on the streets since he was a teenager and i just think this really fits.

class of 2013 - rei never saved him. that child still screaming for their mother to help them never ever goes away. he's this big scary villain now, covered in scars and piercings, but every single day he has to fight and keep up a mask and watch for threats. do you think he thinks about her then? him, tired and so so hurt, and her fading away in a hospital because, just like him, she broke under the weight of enji's ambition? they're the two family fuck-ups, the two that couldn't take it, do you think he misses her? just once, could she wash the dye out of his hair and save him?

go home - KILLING MYSELF. this song is fine whatever im not talking about it any more than i did in that post but i will say this is very burn it all down by dorothycanfly dabi specifically bc that fic has been haunting me since i finished it crying my eyes out at 4am this morning god bless <3

georgia - kind of a dabihawks angle bc im a sucker for them but also just in general 'if i fix you will you hate me' dabi NEEDS this hatred of endeavor. he quite literally has nothing else down to his SKIN. he's made his entire life's purpose and quite clearly intends to go out in a blaze of glory WITH his dad. that's it. that's the endgame. kill endeavor. kill himself with him. how fucking sad is that. like it's PATHETIC in the worst way. he's clawing at this fucking revenge plan and pretending it's this grand, badass thing as if it's not just the small hands of touya reaching up from the grave for his father one last time. if i fix you will you hate me, because if someone took this from him, if someone gave him a will to live outside of this fury, if someone fixed him, then all of this would have been for nothing.

maggot - this is a more deranged 'i tried to be good' variation imo like i did everything right i made my bed i walked for hours i took my pills and you love me right? you need me? but what if im just a corpse and you're a maggot feeding? what then? is it still love? is it something more? or is it disgusting? he was only ever wanted for his fire. no one actually cared about touya.

everything i wanted - NO ONE CRIED NOBODY EVEN NOTICED I SAW THEM STANDING RIGHT THERE KINDA THOUGHT THEY MIGHT CARE. THEY FORGOT ABOUT HIM. THEY BURIED HIM. ON PURPOSE THEY BURIED HIM BECAUSE HIS MEMORY AND HOW FUNDAMENTALLY THEY FAILED HIM MADE THEM UNCOMFORTABLE. IT WAS LIKE HE NEVER EVEN EXISTED. YOU DONT EVEN REALISE SHOUTO HAS ANOTHER BROTHER UNTIL NATSUO BRINGS IT UP FIVE FUCKING SEASONS IN.

the family jewels - i dont htink i need to elaborate on this one lmao. obligatory complicated family dynamics anthem

seventeen - like cigarette daydreams i know he wasn't specifically seventeen and im not purposely picking songs that focus on that lmao. i love this song so much like the vocals of 'you don't know fuck about my family, could never tell you what happened the day i turned SEVENTEENNNN' scratches SUCH an itch in my brain im obsessed with it. like there's a mystery to it bc she never elaborates on what actually happened but clearly it's something bad. i really like that side of it like i love the mystery and for so long in the anime dabi is a HUGE mystery like there's no backstory reveal until SEASON SIX that's INSANE for such a main character to not get even a HINT of backstory for so long.

father - I HAVE THIS DREAM THAT I AM HITTING MY DAD WITH A BASEBALL BAT AND HE IS SCREAMING AND CRYING FOR HELP AND MAYBE HALFWAY THROUGH IT HAS MORE TO DO WITH ME KILLING HIM THAN IT EVER DID PROTECTING MYSELF! literally one of the most insane lyrics of any song ever im being deadly serious there is so much to unpack there so much to consider so much packed into one line. it has more to do with me killing him than it ever did protecting myself. WHAT

body terror song - body horror dabi hours! this man is 70% fourth degree burns that are only still attached to his healthy skin by fucking medical staples. i dont even want to consider how much chronic pain he has. every fic that has him having to redo/adjust a staple feeds me bc im so compelled by his character design. how is he not high off his shit every day just to cope. it's heavily implied he doesn't even have TEAR DUCTS anymore so when he cries it's just blood. he loses his fucking personhood to the flames so much that he renames himself cremation because that's what he is now and the anime just... never addresses it. never says if it hurts or not. this ALONE would be my cause for killing endeavor for leaving him in this state let alone the million other layers to it i cannot BELIEVE some people say it's unjustified sorry im not gonna go off on a tangent but ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING

dirty night clowns - i adore this song i couldnt tell you wtf it's about but it makes me feel uncomfortable in my own skin and i thought that was fitting for dabi. i really dont have much else to say like i do think this might just be one of those 'i have a personal interpretation of this song based solely on vibes' and it makes no sense to anyone else LOL

just take my wallet - YOUR MOMMA'S CRYING! YOUR MOMMA'S CRYING FOR YOU! WHAT'S THE SOFTEST WAY TO SAY YOU TOOK AWAY MY FRIEND? i feel like this is another 'touya into dabi' song like rei is crying for her son but touya is dead. there's only dabi now. dabi killed touya to become something that could ruin endeavor, and that's all that matters now

#there we go! this got long but im not even sorry just DO NOT click the read more if you're not interested #you WILL regret it lmao #feeling normal amounts of thoughts and emotions about this one made up freak #ask #touya todoroki #song rec

[robyn-i-guess]

gerrymichael enjoyers and writers i want your opinion 🎤

ok so i have this au fic for gerrymichael where it's college au, and it's a like the whole bad boy/good girl (minus the fact they're both boys, and even that's questionable)

basically, gerry is stereotyped due to his more alternative looks and everyone assumes he's probably doing illegal things or just sleeps around a lot

meanwhile michael is the head of student council "goody two shoes" type, who most are sort of aware of but don't know anything about

gerry thinks about michael. a lot. he sees them in the halls for only a few seconds a day but thinks about him for a lot longer. hallway crush vibes. and when they get put into a painting class together, suddenly they have an opportunity to meet, and gerry is freaking out a usual amount. (there's more to the whole plot but that's just the beginning bit)

putting a short lil concept thing under the cut

Gerard Keay does not know Michael Shelley.

The only reason he knows their name is because they're in the student council, meaning it's not uncommon for their name to be said during school events.

He has only seen them in hallways, passing by in a rush while holding papers or books that always seem like they're going to fall out of their hands. Even in those moments, most of what Gerard is able to catch is a blur of golden curls and eyes that are ridden with exhaustion.

So, it is safe to say that he does not know Michael.

That fact only caused confusion to him whenever Gerard realized his strange excitement once learning that Michael would be in one of his classes for the semester.

It was an art class, one that he had picked due to him already being practiced is painting and drawing. He assumed it would be a fun class, or at least one that wouldn't be too stressful. However, when he had first walked into that classroom and saw Michael Shelley sitting at an area in the back, Gerard had assumed the emotion he was feeling was stress. He couldn't pinpoint why, it wasn't like he was intimidated by their status, but he couldn't shake the feeling of nervousness he felt when he accidentally locked eyes with them. He turned his head quickly in that moment, deciding to sit in the front of the room despite that not being where he'd usually prefer to be. Something about Michael sitting there made Gerard think twice about sitting in the back as he normally would.

The lecture went smoothly, it mostly being an introduction to the professor and what would be happening throughout the classes. So did the next, and then the next one after that. That didn't get rid of the feeling he felt, however, every time that Gerard walked into that room and attempted to avoid looking at the one with golden curls in the back. He knew he'd have to talk to them at some point, it was inevitable, but there was something about them that meant he was more nervous to talk to them than he usually would be. And he very much denied the idea that it could be caused by any... feelings he may have. Gerard ruled it as impossible, as he had never spoken to them, and he wasn't that much of an idiot to fall for someone he'd only mostly seen in hallways.

Michael wasn't one to speak up in class, and instead they'd work silently on any research on the history of art they may have been doing, only giving simple responses or nods when the professor would come around and ask how their work was coming along. When Gerard thought about it, he didn't really know what their voice sounded like because it was always quiet or unintelligible from their distance. That only made him more interested in talking to them.

That day never came, though, much to Gerard's disappointment.

They both went through that class without talking to each other once, and when Gerard left that room for the last time he couldn't help but feel like he had failed at some kind of goal. A failure that had meant he would be left with only seeing the elusive Michael Shelley in hallway rushes again, which annoyed him in a way he didn't understand.

He did talk to them one day, though.

(note this is old as heck lmao i've gotten better at writing since i wrote this)

anyways yeah. should i continue it or is it too basic idk, i want to write it for me but it would also be multiple chapters long and my "1k-words-is-rare-for-me" self probably won't bother to write it unless someone else is interested

#just want a consensus idk #if anyone has suggestions i will also take those #or if anyone wants to write it with me maybe.... :3c #(please i want to write a fic with someone it's fun) #anyways #yeah #very stereotypical. very american highschool vibes #realistically would be better as hs au but i don't feel right writing romantic interactions between minors for Clear Reasons #gerrymichael #gerry keay #gerard keay #michael shelley #doorkeay #robyn-i-guess

[herrmannhalsteadproduction]

500 Miles (Chapter Three)

Summary: This is Part Nineteen of my series A Herrmann/Halstead Production. It is an AU where Christopher Herrmann's mom had an affair with Pat Halstead resulting in a baby. The series follows this OC character (Rebecca "Bex" Herrmann) as she grows up and gets to know her brothers and the various Chicago teams. It is very much an AU, just to underscore that. It doesn't follow the same timeline and characters will follow different paths.

Click here for the Series Rundown where you can find the links to read all of the previous installments (which I highly recommend you do so that this one makes sense.)

Rating: Teen and Up

Relationships: Christopher Herrmann & Original Female Character, Jay Halstead & Original Female Character, Will Halstead & Original Female Character, Jay Halstead & Will Halstead, Greg 'Mouse' Gerwitz/Original Female Character, Will Halstead/Connor Rhodes, Assorted OC Couples

Warnings: Light Angst, Emotional Conversations, Dealing with Past Trauma, Minor Character Injury, Swearing, Implied Sexual Content, Kissing, An Unholy Amount of Fluff

A/N: To underscore my previous note, this is an alternate universe so things have unfolded differently. This will not follow the canon arcs exactly by any means. But I hope you'll still enjoy it!

Chapter One Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Mouse

Sunday afternoon, Mouse paced back and forth in front of the park entrance he and Bex had agreed to meet at. Their plan was solid. It made sense. He knew that.

But now—faced with actually following through on it? Mouse was freaking out a little.

Maybe a lot.

Bex pulled up in her wheezing heap of a vehicle; the subject of a number of Jay’s rants. According to him, the only reason the Tin Can 2.0 could even run was due to Bex’s completely unfounded belief that it would. (Possibly another Very Specific Superpower at play.)

Mouse couldn’t fault Jay’s logic. Bex had a habit in believing in all kinds of lost causes. He shook his head, practically feeling her rolling her eyes at him for that thought. A flurry of barks and a door slamming brought him back to the present and he looked up to see her flashing a grin at him as she wrangled Kol out of the backseat. The corner of his mouth ticked up automatically in response. A Bex reflex.

“Hey!” she called out, doing a little walk-jog over to him as Kol pulled on the leash. “Someone is very ready for a w-a-l-k so I hope you’re prepared to put some miles in.”

“Yeah,” Mouse said, hoping his face was doing something normal. “Absolutely.”

They started down the path; Kol keeping them moving at a good pace. “How’s it going?” Bex asked, knocking elbows with him.

“Uh, good, yeah,” he said, watching Kol nose along in the grass. Easier to watch him than to look at Bex at the moment. He tried to remember the pep talk from his group this morning. They’d all agreed that honesty was the best policy for the things he wanted to talk to her about, but where did he start? “How, uh, how are you?”

There. That was safe.

Cowardly, but safe.

“Pretty good so far.” Bex laughed. “Emery and I roped Connor into going to the farmers’ market with us and we got so much stuff. We went a little wild so I may have a few things in the car to rehome with you, sorry, not sorry.”

“Sounds good,” Mouse nodded absently.

Did he start with the messed-up childhood or the even worse teen years? Or his time with the army rangers…and everything that came after that? Which one of his red flags would have the infinitesimally better chance of not sending her running in the other direction?

Mouse could see Bex casting him curious looks out of the corner of his eye. His idea of letting her take the lead and do most of the talking was on shaky ground. He’d just gotten her back and he was already messing it up. He thought he’d have a bit more time. Be able to come up with some kind of plan—to what? Suddenly have a whole new history? Yeah fucking right.

Now it was too late. The moment had come. He was here, walking beside Bex on the first of their ‘working shit out’ walks and he couldn’t even make words work and now she was watching him with that determined ‘Bex’ look on her face and this was it, she was going to tell him it was a bad idea to begin with and—

“What do you call an angry carrot?” Bex blurted out.

His brain took a moment to process her words. “…what?”

“What do you call an angry carrot?” Bex repeated slowly, a smile slowly dancing around the edges of her lips.

“I…have…absolutely no idea.” He was completely confused, but he’d grown used to having that feeling around Bex so he was willing to see where this went.

She leaned in close, bumping her shoulder against his. “A steamed veggie,” she said, waggling her eyebrows.

A startled laugh burst out of him and Bex grinned, looking incredibly proud of herself.

God.

He was so fucked.

***

Bex

Mouse was being incredibly weird and twitchy and while that was mostly part of his charm—at least for Bex, it was—this was a different level of weird and twitchy.

This was Mouse freaking out.

She let him be for a bit, trying to give him space to settle into their walk, but it soon became clear that wasn’t going to work. He was spiralling.

Spiralling was the exact opposite of their goal here so she needed to figure out how to nip that in the bud somehow. Bex opened her mouth to say something calming or encouraging and instead—instead what popped out was—

“What do you call an angry carrot?”

Bex barely managed to avoid forehead slapping herself.

Mouse finally looked at her though. “…what?”

Well, she definitely had his attention and she may have put a pause on the spiral so whatever. She was rolling with it. “What do you call an angry carrot?” she repeated, kind of loving the perturbed little furrow that was growing between his eyebrows.

It was cute, okay?

“I…have…absolutely no idea,” Mouse said faintly.

Bex leaned in close, bumping her shoulder against his. “A steamed veggie,” she said, waggling her eyebrows for maximum effect.

The ridiculousness seemed to work on him though because he barked out a laugh and the thread of tension that had been growing between them snapped.

Maybe now they could get somewhere.

“Pretty good, eh?” Bex asked.

Mouse shook his head, laughing. “Uh, pretty terrible actually, but I liked it.”

“No stealing it,” she said, pointing a warning finger at him. “I gotta remember to tell that one to Sergeant Voight later.”

“I solemnly swear to never repeat that joke to anyone,” Mouse said, pressing a hand to his heart, eyes wide. “Ever.”

Bex huffed out a laugh. “Good.”

They walked along together for another minute, letting the quiet sit, but Bex was wary of letting it fester again. Not communicating had only proved to be disastrous for them so far.

Cutting to the chase it was then.

“These walks we’re taking,” Bex began and Mouse shot a quick look at her before focusing back on Kol. At least he was listening. She kept going. “I know you have stuff you want to tell me about,” Bex said. “Things that you think will scare me off, but—”

She reached out and grabbed Mouse’s hand in hers. He let her.

“We also agreed that there’s no set rules here,” she said. “There’s no forcing anything or putting pressure on ourselves. We’re spending time together.” Bex squeezed his hand, leaning gently into his side before swaying back. “Taking it slow and getting to know each other even better than we did before,” she continued. “You can tell me whatever you want whenever you ready, but right now? I’m happy just to be here with you.”

Mouse squeezed her hand back, taking a slow breath. “I don’t even know where to start,” he admitted quietly.

“How about with ‘what have you been up to this weekend?’” Bex ducked her head to catch his eye and he finally looked up at her again, chewing on his lip. His gaze cleared and he smiled at her softly.

“What have you been up to this weekend?”

“Well, you know how we went to the farmers’ market?” she asked and he nodded. “Kidnapping Connor to come with us was the best idea ever. Everyone was too busy flirting with him to haggle. We got so many deals!”

Bex told him all about the rest of their market adventures and the many things she and Emery were planning on making with their bounty. Mouse told her about his talk with Jay in turn and how things were going with them. She filled him in on some of the history of the Grudge Match and he told her about what was new with his group.

They made their way into the centre of the park where a large fountain stood. With the conversation still flowing, they sat down on the cement edge surrounding the water to take a little break from the sun.

That proved to be a mistake.

A few ducks were also enjoying the fountain around the other side. Bex and Mouse didn’t notice them at first, but Kol sure did.

The two of them had barely sat down when Kol let out a torrent of barks and leapt into the fountain, bounding toward the ducks.

At top speed.

While Bex was still holding onto the leash.

Before either of them could react, Bex was yanked backwards into the fountain. She had half a second to be think ‘at least I put my bag on the ground’ before she was fully immersed.

The power of Kol straining away made it a struggle to right herself at first, but after a few seconds she got herself into a seated position. Somehow, miraculously, still hanging onto the leash!

“Kol, stop!” she gargled and he paused his hunt long enough to return to her side, nudging her with his nose.

“Bex! Bex, are you okay?” Mouse’s voice made it through to her as the water began to drain out of her ears. A hand over her face helped wipe the water out of her eyes until she could make out Mouse crouching over her, an adorably concerned frown on his face.

“You came in too?” was all she managed to say.

Mouse blinked. “Yeah, I mean, uh, I couldn’t let you drown on our first da—walk, could I?” He helped her to her feet, one hand at her elbow, the other at the small of her back, holding her steady.

“I appreciate that.” Bex moved a little closer, trying to steal a bit of his warmth since he’d managed to only get soaked up to his knees.

Listen, if she had to suffer through the embarrassment of getting dunked by her dog, she could at least try to sneak a snuggle out of the whole thing.

Of course, it was then that Kol decided to try and go after the ducks from the other side.

He splashed past Bex and Mouse at top speed. She tried to keep a hold on him, calling out for him to stop, but got yanked off her feet again instead.

Taking Mouse down with her.

They both flailed for a minute before getting right side up. Bex had lost her grip on the leash, but the ducks had also been smart enough to fly away at this point so Kol was just jumping around in the water from one end of the fountain to the next.

She looked over at Mouse and he met her gaze dolefully. He was soaked, head to toe. Not that she was any better.

Kol barked, running by and hitting them with another wave of water.

***

Kol

play?

play play play play play play play play

***

Mouse

Bex burst into giggles. “I’m sorry,” she said, trying to muffle them. “Seriously, I’m—I’m so sorry. He’s a menace.”

He couldn’t even pretend to be put out when she was looking at him like that. Mouse shook his head, laughing with her. “Think we should try to catch him or let him tire himself out?”

Another lap from Kol sent another wave of water their way.

“Honestly?” Bex blew out a breath and attempted to push the wet hair out of her face. “I’m team let him tire himself out.”

He reached out to help tug an errant lock away from her cheek. “Fine by me,” he murmured as he tucked the strands behind her ear. This walk was turning out much better than he anticipated.

Bex smiled at him, raising her own hand to brush gently at the water dripping down his forehead. “We should get out of here though before we start to freeze.”

“Once we get him out, we can head back to my car,” Mouse said. “I’ve got an emergency blanket in the trunk. I can get you warmed up.”

“That’s quite the offer.” She raised an eyebrow at him, cheeks going pink, and he played back what he’d said in his head.

Crap.

“I mean—the blanket—uh, the blanket can—not me, directly—"

“Oh, my god,” Bex exclaimed when Kol’s next lap took him not only past them, but over them, nearly dunking them both all over again.

They sputtered their way over to the edge and Bex took one look at him before dissolving into helpless giggles once more. “We’re gonna need that blanket for sure,” she gasped.

Yeah. Mouse definitely had no problem spending his afternoon like this.

***

Will

The door to the apartment creaked open and he heard Kol’s hello barks answered by an “Oh, my god, what happened?” from Emery.

Sharing a concerned glance with Connor, he moved to pop his head out of the kitchen. Connor turned off the burner on the stove and followed closely behind.

Bex stood in the doorway, looking more than a little damp and bedraggled. What the—

Kol bounded over to slam into Will’s legs. He reached down to pet him only to discover that Kol was also disconcertingly damp.

“Did it rain?” he asked Bex, taking a quick look out the window. He was sure the forecast had been clear.

“Nope,” Bex said cheerfully. Her shoes squidged as she shucked them off by the door.

Will looked over at Emery who shrugged at him, eyes wide. He jerked his chin at her. Someone had to ask. She made a face at him and then turned back to Bex.

“How, um…how was your walk?”

Bex straightened up, a smile spreading across her face. “It was great, actually,” she said. “Really, really great.” She shouldered her bag and headed down the hallway toward her room, socks making little wet slaps along the floor.

The three of them watched her go.

“I want to know,” Will said. “But I also really don’t.”

Connor and Emery hummed in agreement.

He looked down at Kol. “Are you responsible for this?”

Kol barked, grinning up at him with that wide doggy smile before going into a deep stretch and shaking out his fur. Little droplets of water flew everywhere.

“Menace,” Will sighed, heading back into the kitchen for the doggy treats.

Click here to read Chapter Four. Click here to read Chapter Five. Click here to read Chapter Six. Click here to read Chapter Seven. Click here to read Chapter Eight. Click here to read Chapter Nine. Click here to read Chapter Ten. Click here to read Chapter Eleven. Click here to read Chapter Twelve. Click here to read Chapter Thirteen. Click here to read Chapter Fourteen. Click here to read Chapter Fifteen. Click here to read Chapter Sixteen.

Click here to read 500 Miles on ao3:

And here is the tag list (let me know if you wish to be added or removed):

@sorry-i-spaced, @thegirlwhowishedeveryonelived, @ivyalmighty, @thewannabewriter, @lexhalstead3, @multifandomgrl08, @sensitivemallysix, @thebewingedjewelcat, @emme-looou,

#A Herrmann/Halstead Production #one chicago #chicago fire #chicago pd #chicago med #jay halstead #will halstead #christopher herrmann #oc character #rebecca 'bex' herrmann #a herrmann/halstead production #alternate universe #not canon #not beta read #romance #light angst #fluff #building relationships #shenanigans #team as family #family feels #friendship #healthy relationships #SO MUCH FLUFF

[skylerhyrule]

ngl I've been sitting on a lot of this for a while and now that the brainrot has come to consume me once again, I have to inflict them upon you too because this is all your fault <3

woe, htbf winter headcanosn be upon ye

They don't take as many jobs in the winter because traveling in bad weather sucks which leaves more room for lazy days where none of them have any plans other than eating together and enjoying their company

the other 3 use the time to teach touya more skills or practice old ones like knitting/sewing, smaller woodworking projects that can be done indoors (not that touya or akito mind being outside in cold weather), or touya reads his favorite mystery books out loud to them and he lives how they speculate the ending or the twist all the while he knows exactly whats going to happen since he's read it before

Touya makes himself a sweater and it's awkwardly shaped and definitely has some missing stitches in some places but he made it with materials he bought with money earned and it's all his and he's proud of it

An and Kohane cried

All of the years touya spent his winters looked up in the castle, he thought he didn't mind the cold weather when really he was just overall unable to feel the warmth that he was missing, that even now, when he had literal ice magic and is physically cold all the time due to his naturally lower body temperature, he's never felt warmer

Sobs. Anyways

Touya has seen snow and walked in it before but he's never been allowed to play in the snow

After the first big snow that sticks to the ground, akianhane plan a massive attack on their training field, they pretend theyre going to train touya during prime ice season but SIKE they have a snow fight: a full battle field built up with pre-built walls and snowballs ready to attack

They prepared ahead of time because they thought touya might have a natural advantage but he was too nervous to actually use his magic with intent to fight his family so he gets his ass kicked

they have so much fun and anhane get so cold that they get sick after and the boys have to nurse them back to health. idiots

speaking of training, touya has been using the colder temps to experiment more with what he can create and how he can create things to use to his advantage

On clearer days he tries to practice making snow the same way he did at his failed execution (insert processing trauma here) but he hasnt been able to do it. most of the time he accidentally shoots a bunch of chunks of ice in the sky or makes hail but not snow-like crystals

Somehow someone suggests trying to get touyas adrenaline running because hes only been capable of big moves like that when tensions were high (escaping guards and escaping death)

They figure if they can elicit (a healthy amount of) fear from him, he can learn how to better act on instinct and not overthink it

Out in the training field, the other 3 take turns “fighting” touya with their magic to see if that can get something out of him (insert cool fights and banter here)

When that doesn't work, they take a break lying in the snow and talk about what scares them (insert emotional connection and vulnerabilities here)

They figure out touyas most “normal” fear is heights, so naturally Kohane lifts them all however high in the air so that they can see above the surrounding treetops. Touya is CLINGING to akito but not quite fearing for his life, just scared enough because he's not actually afraid of Kohane dropping them and his trust in An and Akito to intervene if something goes wrong is too strong

But theyre like NO you have to trust YOURSELF

Kohane says "I'm gonna drop us if you dont make it snow right now and itll be all your fault

yeah right, that's a bluff, Touya's confident

She shakes the platform a bit so the edges start crumbling to the ground and he feels that fight flight or freeze instinct come in (an and akito are also freaked out now) shes not kidding (but she probably is) (but what if she isnt)

she drops the platform barely a few centimeters and touya reaches an arm out and tries

Ummm he tries a bit too well and he sends a burst of magic up high and it shimmers down as snow. He did it!

Kohane brings them down slowly and once on the ground he tries to remember what it felt like and does it again but he didn't realize how low he felt due to the adrenaline and feels faint

the other 3 walk him home and keep telling him how proud they and what a good job he did

important to note that they never make him feel like he's burdening them with having to carry him home once he starts feeling sleepy or taking so much time to train him gradually even though touya thinks that he should be somewhat sorry for passing out on them again, if he apologized they would just yell at him

he falls asleep on Akito's back and wakes up under five blankets and the fireplace burning with dry clothes on and Akito sleeping on top of him

he has just enough strength to reach for the water on their bedside table and then he passes out again

next time he wakes up, its the next morning and he is absolutely dying of too many blankets, they went overboard with trying to warm him up and now he's too warm

he rolls out of bed without disturbing the others and carries on his morning with coffee and reading until the others wake :)

So these werent actually hcs. I think I just accidentally wrote a fic in bullet form HAHA APRIL FOOLs

I have some questions also if thats okay, if you find the time

is touya able to manipulate snow and/or any frozen water or is he just able to create it and to what extent is he able to precisely create his ice?

I also have questions about the mechanics of Kohane's magic because the argument can be made that ice is technically a mineral and therefore a part of the earth? I don't mean to be annoying but I am genuinely interested in the limitations of their magic abilities.

As far as like, winter holidays go, is there something like a celebration where they could exchange gifts?

Assuming the vsingers are gods, would their “birthdays” or anniversaries be considered holidays? Like is August 31st the most holy day of the year

Another unrelated question, what is the situation of Akitos runaway sister? because in my head, I have the rough idea of a plot where Mizuki and Touya become unlikely bestest best friends for life and accidentally find her and attempt to reunite her with akito which I think adds another interesting and unique family dynamic to this series full of interesting and unique family dynamics

Okay thats all for now I have more probably but I need to write them down first thank you for your time

Ngl i don't even want to answer this so it will be in my inbox forever actually. Anyway!

YOU’RE SOBBING???? I’M SOBBING!!!! Ana… my god. These are all canon now okay. Thanks.

Touya giving prizes (food/wooden hampter DHJAH) to whoever guesses the killer/motive first… Fighting to get Touya his next favourite book…

I am also going to cry. I want to write Touya making a sweater now… don’t make me do it. I already have too many wips and now you're gonna make me want to write MORE??? Fuck you.

SHUT UP OUGHH GH You don’t know how bad it is until it’s no longer normal. When the baseline is cold, of course you’re going to think it’s perfectly fine. Until you find a fire and realise you’ve been shivering the whole time.

Touya you’re the only snow angel I need ;)

Touya’s scared he’s gonna accidentally throw a chunk of ice and kill someone.

Touya “never been sick in his life” Tenma: Why are you dying?

Akito is relegated to heater so Touya has to make soup alone and he’s freaking out but then Anhane cry when eating it and he’s like IS IT THAT BAD?? But no they’re just like… Wrow… Touya’s homemade soup… I’m cured.

Touya freezing the grass so bad it just snaps in half when they walk on it lmao. Making spiral/snowflake patterns across the grass and river. And of course. The promised ice skating.

You’re just making me want to write this entire section you know. Was this your evil plan. Bc it’s working. So well.

Touya: “I’m afraid of heights…” Akito: Your bedroom was like 20m above the ground. Touya: Do NOT remind me.

An: Can you pelt Akito with hail?

Ice shields ice shields ice shie-

Haha freeze instinct.

Thank you for the touya fainting scenarios it’s what I think about like 50% of the time. And why I want to write this. I can be trusted with fictional characters.

Ough god they love each other and have to make sure they all freaking know it.

On the couch, straight up “sleeping under it” and by “it”, haha, well, let’s just say. Blankito be upon ye

Touya not in the bed that morning and they’re all freaking out thinking he melted or smth in the night.

The best April fools prank ever actually thank u can I write this (eventually)

There appears to be a lost Victorian child asking me questions in my inbox. Of course, Victorian child, I have time.

is touya able to manipulate snow and/or any frozen water or is he just able to create it and to what extent is he able to precisely create his ice?

Later on once he has way more control he can shatter natural ice, or fling it in a direction, but he couldn’t force it into a shape or make it float in the air. He can’t do anything to snow. I suppose technically he could bc snow IS ice, but the laws of nature are irrelevant to the laws of ME. If he concentrates hard enough he could make almost anything out of his own ice, but sharper edges are easier than curves.

I also have questions about the mechanics of Kohane's magic because the argument can be made that ice is technically a mineral and therefore a part of the earth? I don't mean to be annoying but I am genuinely interested in the limitations of their magic abilities.

She can’t pick and choose btwn minerals and the components of the earth that she moves. It’s sort of just an all or nothing grab at whatever area she chooses. She can manipulate chunks of rock like a cliff face, but not in large areas. She can’t use ice. And bold of u to assume I thought these through while writing.

As far as like, winter holidays go, is there something like a celebration where they could exchange gifts? + Assuming the vsingers are gods, would their “birthdays” or anniversaries be considered holidays? Like is August 31st the most holy day of the year

I was just gonna say “generic Christmas replacement.” (Len died for your sins) But yes I like that too much. I’ll say there’s a small gift swapping at the end of the year, but Miku’s birthday is more important/the bigger celebration. HM okay wait:

The Kagamine’s birthday is actually a great replacement for Christmas. So 27/12 they do a minor gift swap in their name. Kaito 17/2 can be Day of Devotion (did not steal that from FEH. (Valentines)). Meiko 5/11 is Thanksgiving?? Harvest day??  Luka 30/1 I want to put as some Astral celebration. Like. Guaranteed star showers or smth. They eat octopus to celebrate DSJAHDHAKJ.

Another unrelated question, what is the situation of Akitos runaway sister? because in my head, I have the rough idea of a plot where Mizuki and Touya become unlikely bestest best friends for life and accidentally find her and attempt to reunite her with akito which I think adds another interesting and unique family dynamic to this series full of interesting and unique family dynamics

Ena met Kanade and Mafuyua few years after she left and lives with them. I have not thought of it beyond that tbh. I mainly just mentioned her bc I wasn’t going to pretend Akito DIDN’T have a sister. Smth smth Mafuyu is a spirit trapped/connected to a snow globe from a curse she doesn’t remember. (she was human tho) Kanade had been trying to free her. Ena accidentally stumbles upon them and sticks around bc Kanade liked her art. She doesn’t have magic. Idk if I mentioned that in the fic. Kanade can write sheet music in the air and it will just. Play. Mizutouya besties yippee. Yes please. They go to a clothing store and Touya is like. Mizuki this woman looks like Akito’s sister. “No way! Akito’s way too ugly to be related to her!” Ena whips around like did someone say AKITO?? Ruh roh. Mizuki would eventually join Ena and n25, dragging them into the connected hmds group.

Anyway you've killed me dead are you happy i'm sobbing thank you so much

#nonchalanatatall #Ana my beloved oh my god #ask #save #how to be free #gif warning #long post

[silversiren1101]

WIP Wednesday 6/14/23

More from this "How to Clean Your Ganzi" (clearly working title lol, it'll probably be "Ablution"). Loved reading everyone else's bath prompts and gushing over how cute and fluffy and sweet they were! Screaming at how my internal muse went "nah we're going to turn it into a serious talk on *that* topic instead"

“It is something I choose to do, yes, but it’s not out of indulgence, or even to relax. Not really. It’s…”, she trailed off, trying to think of how to phrase it in a way that wouldn’t make her feel as guilty and self-conscious as doing this at all made her. He continued to hold her gaze, outwardly patient, all the while. 

Then, a sudden flash of teal out of the corner of her eye caught her attention: a rather large feather shed from her writhing tail sent tumbling across the floor. Her breath caught for a split second at the sight, anxiety spiking. She internally chastised herself—It’s just one feather, this is normal, you’re just freaking out because you’re still rattled about what the Abyss did to you but you’re fine now, okay? You look fine. They look fine—and quelled it with a quick call of her still-recovering Hellknight temperance. She’d feel much better once they were properly cared for.

Her focus shifted back up to him just in time to catch that his had dipped to her agitated tail as well. A tightening of his lips and a subtle creasing around his piercing, patient gaze made her stomach drop. He most definitely knew she was anxious as all hell over this now, and it was for something as inane as bathing habits and appearances! He said nothing, but he didn’t need to. She could easily read him even without a lashing, writhing tail with a will of its own betraying every emotion in his chest and thought in his head.

Fine. 

This wasn’t worth the effort of an interrogation on his end. Not with how irrational—and she knew it was, too—the root cause was. She reminded herself that he loved her. He wouldn’t use this against her. Not him. He could be privy to the truth, and, honestly, he should. With how lovingly he’d counted nearly every one of her scales, and with how gently he’d caressed her feathers in just these few weeks of intimacy together, he’d earned the right to know.

It was decided, then.

She swallowed, and, exhaling slowly, admitted something she’d only done so with a handful of people before.

“It’s just really… stressful… being a ganzi, okay?”

His eyes went wide.

Clearly taken aback, his lips parted for a moment, then pressed together once again, bereft of an immediate response of his own. She watched his gaze flit down and away, swamped with thoughts, before it settled back on hers with an… unsureness in them. To her, a confused jumble of restrained questioning, and, most touching, tentative apology for his judgment colored them. 

A soft smile tugged at her lips at his reaction. The amount of times she’d seen Regill at a loss for words she could count on one hand. A vulnerable admittance such as this, when she always seemed so proudly confident over her scales and feathers in spite of all she’d suffered because of them, was apparently enough to add another finger to the count. Questions burgeoned in those yellow eyes as she held them with affection and amusement both, yet only silence stretched between them. She could only imagine his racing thoughts, analyzing each and every one of those questions for any possible insult, unintentional or otherwise, or some other misstep, not quite sure how to approach this conversation tactfully. 

It didn’t surprise her. They didn’t talk about themselves in this way and never had: their challenges as a ganzi and he as a gnome. The Orders as a pure meritocracy didn’t care what you were so long as you were capable and committed, and most individual Hellknights followed suit—save for rare bigots who tended to fall behind in the ranks, anyway. That wasn’t to say they didn’t know. She’d certainly seen him experience adversity due to who he was—physical limitations, prejudice, Hells, the Bleaching itself—just as he had her, but talking about it? Sincerely and vulnerably? No, no, they didn’t do that. Hellknights tackled such things as impassively as any other issue, handling it in whatever way needed without making it someone else’s problem and never letting anyone know how it affected them, if it did. 

It most certainly did her, more than she let on to pretty much anyone; just as she’d caught him staring in silence at his bleached fingers on occasion, never bringing it up on his own and only speaking with cold impartiality when anyone else did.

They were together now, though, so maybe it was time to start talking about these things? He'd more than earned her trust and vulnerability for it.

#silversirenwrites #wip wednesday #oc: minovae arangeir #regill derenge x minovae arangeir #pair: hellpair #work: ablution #maybe that title idk #anyway this is 5k words already wouldn't you believe it #it's getting an ao3 posting

[system-society]

(cw for fusion talk) hey, i dunno if this is the place for this sort of question, but we have an issue with one of our headmates. they're a previous host who wasn't suited to the role, kinda shoved into it during a bad period of time, and during that time they lost connection to the rest of the system and essentially became a singlet for a little bit before rediscovering the system; that was a long time ago at this point, but one issue that they kept having was feeling like they were taking fronting time away from everyone else, since it was just them alone most of the time while we were still trying to repair our switching and communication functions. after a while we got more people into our fronting rotation and eventually they stepped down as host and stopped fronting super frequently. but they still, even as recent as yesterday, feel guilty for fronting literally ever because they feel like they're taking time away from everyone else. they didn't realise that they haven't fronted in over a month and yet still left front very quickly because of the guilt.

this has led to,, we think they're starting to fuse into the rest of the system? which is absolutely terrifying to us- the feeling of fully losing a headmate in the system, where they're gone and cannot be reached again, freaks us the hell out. other headmates, some who have been around unchanged for a while, are suddenly and randomly picking up traits that they didn't have before, ones that were very distinct to this headmate. when they front they're much less distinct, they're losing a lot of the grip they had over a lot of the system functions that are typically easy for us. one way we differentiate between people in-sys is their relationships and emotions about other people in the sys, and any relationship "threads" that might still be connected on one end are just blank on theirs. as if the information that was there is just Gone- there is just zero emotion on their end and it's very disorientating. which is further contributing to their guilt as it leads to them just not having any motivation to interact with anyone else in the sys, even people they were very deeply in love with, and they feel like they've ruined all their relationships with this self-destructive spiral.

usually we try to solve this stuff internally as we're pretty good at solving things like this, but it's been months and we don't really know what to do. we noticed this process happening back in may, and thought if we focused enough on it we'd be able to fix it, but it hasn't stopped. it's been a very gradual process- that feels normal for this headmate, it took over six months for them to form initially- but the gaps between them showing up in front are getting longer and the space they occupy in headspace is feeling emptier by the day.

we don't want to lose this headmate, as a huge amount of us care about them very deeply. but also losing this headmate might damage our functions a lot. they were one of the absolute best at managing and navigating the system, taking on the role of archivist after host. we have other archivists, but this headmate's connections to so many others made it a lot easier for them to have access to almost the whole system, which is something we struggle with as a very large system with a ton of barriers between sidesystems. we're already sort of struggling to keep our current fronting group together, as they were sort of the "glue" that kept all our mostly-disconnected groups together.

sorry if this is a lot. we're just very worried, and we don't know why this is happening or what we can do about it.

Hey there anon, I totally get your worry and concern. My best advice? Take a deep breath, and try to hold on to them best you can. Find ways to ground them in the inner and outerworld. Sometimes, there’s not much you can do against the brain, so plan contingencies, okay? But best of luck to you.

#answering asks #herb’s advice

[alienssstufff]

If you get the time and inclination pls do share with us your beef with the existing zombie apocalypse genre, I have my own feelings about it (I think it overshadows other types of fictional apocalypses a bit too much in most ppl's heads) but I'd love hearing someone else's take on it (and also how you would improve the genre if you like :3 )

oh ABSOLUTELY it does! One way its probably the easiest type of apocalypses to write abt just cuz there’s already so many and such an established I guess wwww scenario and tropes to it (?) In consequence bc of how ‘easy’ it is, it becomes so damn samey and the zombie apocalypse genre (and apocalypses genres as a whole) gets such bad rep for that reason. [The rest atp is me ranting abt zombie apocalypses specifically those are the ones I have beef with]

When I ask ppl why they don’t like apocalyptic stories most answers is just the amount of carnage that’s in them it’s horrible— to put it better: unnecessary violence in an already terrible world is what they think abt. When people think of apocalypse stories they think of the movies made in Hollywood. Muscular, American white man whos good at everything who kicks ass and saves the world singlehandedly. And the rep for zombie-driven games aren’t any better either… Not saying that stories of kicking ass taking names are ALL bad but most of it is very surface level reasoning as to why . That being said I wish there was more focus on mental health in zombie stories, realisations that the world ended and they’ll never go back to how it was before, instances of the struggles of learning how to adapt to this new way of living. There’s many topics that could be discussed and so many themes that haven’t been fully developed (or done poorly) in zombie apocalypses but seldom media’s deliver u_u

I think the zombie stories that stand out to me the most are the ones that revolve around normal people. There’s an vid essay somewhere that talks abt the success of Train to Busan as a movie, it’s still just as action packed as the ones above but it’s also rly freaking emotional as the characters and cultural themes they represent can hit p close to home for the target demographic. Also I cannot recommend enough Gakkou Gurashi (School Live)! It’s almost never talked about solely cuz of Episode 1 and even now I’m trying to be as vague as I can Please watch that anime/manga you will not regret it.

And finally worldbuilding always a sucker for worldbuilding I need more of it. Not how to stop it but more of How The Hell we fucked up that badly to ended up in this situation. Give me zombie stories of patient 0s, pov scientists fumbling in the lab etc I want THAT. I freaking love the worldbuilding in The Last of Us , such a unique way in designing zombies inspirations from real life (I believe funghi that controls dead ants). That freaking hospital part in TLOU2 will always have a lasting impression on me the environmental storytelling of the flooded hospital and the whole backstory of how the Rat King came to be an amalgamation of all the victims of Seattle’s Patient 0 zone forced to fuse because of the such claustrophobic and wet conditions of the basement OHMYFUCKINGVGG its so well thought out.

Overall my frustrations with apocalypses is just - the amount of untouched potential and themes that SHOULD be addressed but aren’t - to get creative with it. And even without mention of the worldbuilding stories of the average joe like u and I trying to do smth as ‘simple’ as going to the store but there are mental and physical struggles along the way would be fine too - u don’t need to fly a jet and shoot a rocket launcher to make things interesting. Relatability and/or creativity is what I wish.

[this was so fun to think abt anon if u have things u wanna share feel free to shoot another ask I’m all ears!]

#ask stufff #stufff rambles #long post #for a hot min thought u asked abt apocalypse!vintage beef and I was like irl: #HOW DID YOU READ MY NOTES???!! #this is… SO LONG -but I’m determined (finished this at 3am) #I’ll check it again in a few hours but remind me ti add a Read More when I get back xwz #forgive if these make no sense im sleepy

[antifathomable-shapeshifter]

sometimes i wonder if im just autistic or if i also straight up have a personality disorder.

who knows. i'm not asking a professional.

besides, the whole system of diagnosing personality disorder is fucked top to bottom.

people who are diagnosed and/or people who find explanations in the diagnostic criteria will say things like "Don't use personality disorders as short hand for Evil Abuser Diseases" (and they're right) but also like. the guys who coined them coined them as Evil Abuser Diseases, no? They saw mentally ill people and said "Y'all are monstrous freaks, here's a label so we can control and abuse you."

correct me if im wrong, i have not done reasearch on this specificly, but like. im anti-psych. psychiatry has a super fucked past (and present). so i feel like its not a bad assumption that the diagnosis everyone thinks are for Evil People were made to be slapped on People Who Are Totally Evil Trust Me We Need To Protect Society From These Mentally Ill Freaks At Any Cost (to the patients).

im definitely not normal. i do not see people as equals, innately. that's earned to my brain. i treat people as equals, because if i don't, that gives others the justification to hurt me. i am selfish. i am kind because i am selfish. nothing i do isn't for my own self-satisfaction for one reason or another. and i cannot allow others the power to hurt me, and so i cannot allow them the power to hurt anyone.

i have a favorite person. i am partially disconnected from my emotions (likely autism). i crave attention and approval (adhd or pd? see my issue.) i hate the confusion surrounding the term empathy. "feeling others feelings". you can mirror their feelings, but it will always be your brain's interpretation of their feelings. im not saying your brain is always wrong! we're social creatures, most of us are pretty good at reading other people's emotions. but you aren't literally feeling their feelings. idk, maybe im just no-empathy. i feel similarly about romance, as an aromatic, so yeah.

all my feelings are my own. all my thoughts are my own. at the end of the day, im the only one who has my back, and i still fuck myself over frequently.

i strongly believe that there is no thing as true free will. i do believe we must act under the assumption we have it, but i don't think its real. its just that the amount of variables you'd need to keep fully understand is so insanely, impossibly large that no one can actually predict the future, or even the next action of a given person.

but a god could. a being of infinite knowledge and comprehension could absolute predict the future. all of it, forever.

life is about cause and effect. something caused this to happen, so it happened. it could have been you, it could have been your government, it could have been the weather.

its all dominoes. my brain is dominoes. im only in control in so much as i do what i wanted myself to do. i feel in control when my brain and body follow my directives and i don't when they don't. its arbitrary. i will never being able to force myself to do something when my body and brain refuse to do it. im not at the wheel. im a puppet monarch.

#ask to tag #long post #ablelism #vent #mental illness #executive dysfunction #personality disorder #autism #adhd #empathy #no empathy #anti psych #psychiatry mention #free will discussion #philosophy #compassion #god mention #id tag to avoid triggering people who are afraid of losing control of themselves but i dont know what that would be

[radiance1]

Time Loop

This au takes place after, and before the LBD fight. So after LBD was defeated, when Wukong went to sleep one night he was thrust through time back to before Mk came to the mountain and became his successor, and Wukong freaked out since he just defeated LBD right? So he prevents a few things that he knows in the future from happening, such as Macaque and Mk meeting and such. So after he defeated LBD again , he was transported back to before Mk became his successor once again. So now he thinks there’s some actual Magic mambo jumbo involved and goes off in search of an artifact that can prevent this from happening again, so in that timeline he and Mk never met, no matter how much Wukong wanted to meet him, he thought that he shouldn’t get Mk involved in this and let him live a normal mortal life while he tries to fix this timeline nonsense going on.

So after Wukong tried(and failed) to find said artifact, he woke up again back at the start. So he has a somewhat mental breakdown over the fact that he’s stuck doing the same thing over and over again, with no one besides him remembering anything, and he was so trapped in his mind that he forgot that Mk comes to his mountain everytime when the timeline gets reset. So Mk’s first meeting with the Monkey King in that timeline is literally with him in the middle of a breakdown. So Mk being the kind soul he is, would try and get Wukong the help he needs. So later down that line Wukong might tell some people that he’s stuck in a time loop and has no idea how to stop it, and no one really takes it seriously and kinda brushed it off and made some little jokes about it I guess. After that he stopped trying to tell anyone.

So in one timeline, Wukong gets possessed by LBD again but this time he couldn’t really fight against her because of the amount of stress and emotions he’s currently going through. So LBD succeeded in taking over the world and Wukong had to watch as everyone he knew was killed by his hands LBD and not being able to do anything about it. So he had to watch as LBD did horrible things with his body and was consumed by guilt, anger, sadness, despair and plenty of other emotions until the timeline got reset.

Of course there’s multiple other timelines that he went through, but that one was by far the worst, and it's the one that fully broke him and his will. Now he’s just, an empty husk I guess, just going through the motions and the steps to defeating LBD and training Mk to be his successor. Of course he still cares, otherwise he wouldn’t even get involved and let LBD control the world.

Wukong throughout his multiple timeline resets just feels so alone , knowing that no one understands what he’s going through and would just brush it off if he told them. So with every new timeline he just doesn't feel the need to form emotional connections with anyone , not Macaque, Mk’s friends, DBK, PIF, and certainly not Mk himself. But try as he might, Mk still manages to worm his way into Wukong’s heart with every new timeline and every slight difference, and consequently plunging Wukong into grief and even more loneliness with every loss of Mk in previous timelines.

He never did get rid of his guilt of killing Mk, the look of absolute fear and despair on his face as he saw Wukong being possessed and just knowing that his own mentor, his hero, is what led to his death. Wukong, even after so long, still manages to see that face on every Mk in different timelines without fail, never being able to let go of his guilt and never being able to properly apologise for letting such a thing happen, so he just has to live with the overwhelming guilt and frustration at himself for so many timelines, so much that he doesn’t even tend to his body’s needs and never lets himself enjoy anything, thinking that he doesn’t deserve any joy and that this is a suitable punishment for himself, because nothing physical would ever stick with him throughout new timelines, so, why not go through the effort of it?

Wukong has perfectly crafted a mask that hides everything that he feels, so that Mk wouldn’t have to worry about him, because he doesn’t deserve anyone especially Mk to worry about him. There are some times however, when his mask cracked, with him hurriedly fixing before anyone could see. Then it just broke, once or twice, he just had a meltdown and apologised over and over and over. No one in that timeline knew who or what he was apologising for though.

Outside of Mk, Wukong never tries to make a connection between himself and others. It's just not worth it when he just doesn’t care about them. He’s long since gotten over his feelings for Macaque and barely cares about his attempts for revenge and his insults and jabs about how he killed and left him, and it's not worth the effort of working through decades of anger and pain the both of them caused each other, only to lose all that progress and start from scratch again and again. It’s just a rinse and repeat situation for him, wake up, find Mk, train him, stop Macaque and everyone else from hurting him, see the timeline where he killed him , defeat LBD and let Mk have his peace and fun as a mortal.

Wukong know’s everyone even better than themself at this point, what makes them tick, what makes them feel what they feel and so one. It’s just something he’s picked up after his years of timeline jumping and solitude, and of course it does make everyone freak out a bit, since Wukong a person they never met before(in Mk and a few others cases) know everything about them and things they never even knew about themself, it just causes them to distance themself from him and try to get Mk away from him wherever they can. And with Wukong constantly seeming happy go lucky and carefree about everything does tick them off quite a bit, Macaque and Pigsy especially, Macaque owning to his constant years of stewing in his anger at Wukong betraying him and just seeing him not care about everything they’ve been through and just remaining happy? Yea no wonder it makes him angry.  In Pigsy’s case, it's more so how Wukong constantly puts Mk in danger and even though he never got seriously hurt, he just can’t help but feel as if Wukong would get Mk killed one of these days. So no one, besides Mk likes Wukong, sure Mk’s friends would at least be nice with him as a common courtesy but that’s about it, still wouldn’t stop them from getting mad at Wukong and insulting him to his face though. It certainly doesn’t help that Wukong just takes it all with a smile on his face and then continues on like he didn’t just get told off and insulted to his face.

Wukong has gotten so good at pretending that he himself can't tell when he’s not pretending.

Mk is Wukong’s only source of comfort and the only thing that keeps Wukong from fully breaking, even if Mk doesn’t know it. He would kill himself over and over than even think of killing or bringing harm onto Mk by his hands with no hesitation. He would, quite frankly, do anything for Mk. If Mk said jump off a cliff, he would do it, if Mk said go fight LBD by himself, he would do it. If Heaven or Hell even so much as touch a hair on Mk’s head, he would instantly go to war with the both of them the same time, no matter how small the harm they did to Mk was, hell he would go against Buddha himself if he even tried to do anything to Mk

#lmk sun wukong #lmk macaque #lmk qi xiaotian #lmk pigsy #another copy and paste #this one might actually be one of my longest #I really did Wukong dirty with this one lmao

[haywire-hetfield]

. Imma role with secret omega euro rn because I am nothing if not feral for him. There’s so many different ways I could see secret omega euro going. Idr if you’re cool with Varg/Euro so I’ll go with Faust/Euro because that’s 100% inspired by that post you made.

So the idea is basically: Euro passes fairly well as a beta. He just constantly makes sure he’s on an extreme amount of suppressants and always covered in scent blockers. This works until he and Faust start living together. And Faust loves teasing Euro over his height, general small stature, and how Euro occasionally acts like an omega - typically just Euro being a little more emotion or looking at an alpha a little too long. Faust is 100% joking, while Euro is just freaking out internally. Euro can’t tell if Faust is flirting with him, threatening him, or both. Then Euro fucks up and can’t afford his suppressants. Faust can smell the sickeningly sweet scent of an omega about to go into heat but there’s no one around except Euro.

And like that could go a few different ways. There’s Faust freaking out and bailing (perhaps with the most awkward bonner ever ), only to resurface a week later with flowers ( because that’s certainly what all omegas like ) and awkwardly asks Euro out.

Or with tensions and hormones running high, they mate. And then they have to deal with that, and honestly, I picture Euro as being really repressed emotionally and just going crazy jealous if Faust breathes in the direction of another omega.

Honestly I could go on lol. I’m not joking when I say I have a thousand thoughts about LOC Abo. I just don’t have people to talk to about this 😂 - 🐈‍⬛

I'm cool with all LOC ships! (I've got LOC that I'll die for that you wouldn't even imagine, anon)

I do really enjoy Faust/Euro, though. Especially based around the fact 1) they lived together and 2) Faust was fully watching that man piss. (Like keep your eyes to yourself smh)

Faust would 100% tease him about everything and to add onto this thought, I like the idea of Faust always having a thing for him. Even before he figures out he's an omega, he's so into him it's borderline embarrassing.

I can also completely see him just bailing. I could go on and on about awkward alpha Faust. He'd 100% use that time to try and figure out what he's supposed to do with an omega in heat that he maybe has a crush on. I feel like he'd definitely ask an omega friend a million questions about what he should do.

Euronymous would also be so emotionally repressed the entire time. He's never processed and expressed an emotion in a normal way in his entire life. He'd definitely get jealous, though, and he would not be good at hiding it.

(There's a woman on Tiktok who makes joking videos about "red flags" that your partner is cheating. Stuff like "if he has eyes. Who is he trying to see with them eyes??" and that's basically how he is. Faust will mention something about an omega friend of his and Euro is just stood there like: so you know other omegas 🤨🤨🤨"

#rpf #lords of chaos #euronymous x faust #faust x euronymous #omegaverse

[jouska-the-deer]

Sonic Frontiers Spoilers

Alright so I have the feeling I’m coming up on the end of the second island and I have some thoughts. 

Gameplay; I love 90% of it. The 2D stages can go eat whatever the hell this this. Otherwise, I’m smiling the entire time I’m just running around collecting things. Despite unlocking fast travel I’ve never used it because I prefer to get to places on my own. This is the first Sonic game where I feel like we’re getting a taste of what everyday adventuring is like for Sonic. 

The music is good so far. We all knew it was going to be. I was pleasantly surprised at there being an actual metal song in there, though. If some people thought Infinite’s theme was too heavy, I wonder how they handled Undefeatable. I also want to say Kronos island’s music reminds me of the Gaia gate music from Sonic Unleashed. Kinda in the instrumentals, but more in the atmosphere they give off. 

Negativity incoming.

Everyone is saying the writing in Frontiers is amazing. I think it’s alright. There have been a few bits of dialog that felt stilted, with unintentional end rhymes and awkwardly repeating words. The most notable thing about the dialog is just how... not notable it is. It’s very subdued... even in places where you’d expect characters to be freaking out. 

One of the biggest things I see people praising is the voice acting, or more accurately, the voice direction. Every single character, Every, Single, One, talks more calmly now. Honestly, to me, the lack of energy is extremely jarring in places. Casual conversations; That’s fine. But, I feel like Sonic would normally freak out a bit more at losing all his friends. I feel like he should be a little angrier at the person being openly hostile to him. I feel like he’s handling all of this... a bit too well. 

So, as I watched the cutscenes, something that really stuck out to me is how mature everyone is acting. Even the various let’s players I’ve watched have pointed this out. They have a decent amount of emotional maturity and are capable of having level-headed conversations in times of stress like reasonable adults. ...The problem is that they’re all children. Like... Amy’s supposed to be 12 and yet she’s acting like a young woman, staring into the distance pondering a greater purpose in life. Sonic had his character flaws laid out to him by Sage (being short-sighted and short-tempered) yet he’s been acting the opposite so far. Knuckles has similar flaws, yet he’s been pretty mellow too. Was there a time skip? Why is everyone so different? 

I’m kinda worried, honestly. On the first island, Amy made a comment about wanting spread love to the world, and Sonic replied that he’d be waiting for when she came back, with the entire scene being framed as really important. My thoughts were, firstly, that what Amy just said was vague and meaningless no matter how profound the line was read, and secondly, that Sonic was weird to say he’d be waiting for her to come back after finishing such a vague task. Then, I got to the second island, and Knuckles commented on possibly going on adventures sometimes, and alarm bells starting ringing in my head. 

I hope, so much, that they’re not going to pull that dumb ass trope of the friends going their own ways at the end of the story. Not only is it just a cheap way to snag unearned tears, but for Sonic games specifically, it is an insult to the very core of what they are. Sonic values his freedom to run off on adventures, but he also loves his friends and trusts them to have his back when it’s time to save the day. As cheesy as it is, The Power of Friendship is at the core of 90% of the franchise. If they toss his friends aside for a cheap bittersweet ending (and probably due to idiot “Sonic’s annoying friends” critiques) I’ll be extremely pissed.

That’s a lot of time talking about characterization, now... lore... It’s fine so far. I bought all the Egg memos and it’s mostly just continuity clarification like in the TailsTube videos, with a mild amount of exploration into Eggman’s relationship with Sage. The memos and cutscenes so far make it seem like the writers are trying to get all their ducks in a row. It’s obvious that this game is supposed to be The Big One and they’re probably trying to catch up new fans while clearing things up for old ones. Not to be sacrilegious, but I’m not particularly lore hungry, so I don’t care much. I’ve always been more into the current struggles of main characters rather than the past struggles of long dead randos. If they do something neat that’ll actually affect the main cast, then I guess I’ll have a reason to care.

Anyway, that’s all I think I had to say. Now, I’m off to save my million screenshots of the game to my PC while continuing to wonder when the writers will remember that Knuckles is supposed to be guarding the master emerald outside of side gags. 

#Seriously buddy you can't be getting wanderlust when you've got a very important job to do. Get someone to fill in at least! #Sonic Frontiers Spoilers #Sonic Frontiers #Spoilers #Sonic the Hedgehog #Long Post #Jouska's Thoughts #Negativity #Criticism #Mild Swearing

[cyborg-franky]

Woohooo another one 😍 For the AU prompts. May I request 'power swap' / 'roommate' for Ace / Zoro?

Thank you for doing this 💕

I am EXCITED to do this one because I am a sucker for a good power swap AU.

- There had been a fight on one of the smaller islands the ship had docked at.

- Ace and you have been involved and a devil fruit user hit you with something.

- It hadn’t hurt so neither of you thought any more about it.

- Until Ace complained about being cold, he never got cold.

- The flame user sits on the bed shivering while you are burning up.

- You fan yourself and much to Ace’s delight take off a layer of clothing.

- “What’s going on?” you mumble, feeling your skin, warmer than you’d ever been.

- Ace has no idea either, shaking his head.

- You couldn’t take it anymore; you went to open a window struggling with the stupid thing which pissed you off more than it normally would have.

- Your temper flared.

- “Babe! Your ah… on fire..” Ace jumped up and stared at you as you stood there a large amount of flame covered you.

- The curtains caught in your flames and started to go up.

- “Fuck!” You tried to put it out, just causing more fire to spread up the fabric.

- You and Ace were now both freaking out as he ran to the bathroom and grabbed a bowl of water, throwing it over the curtains.

- “That fucker on the island, he must have swapped our powers, well, at least given you mine.” Ace sighed, still shivering.

- “We should go tell the others, tell Marco, the old bird knows things.” You mumble as you dig around in the closet and throw a sweater at Ace once you aren’t on fire.

- “Portgas, for once in your life. Cover up.” He sticks his tongue out at you, glowering at you but he does put the sweater on, too cold for being stubborn.

- You both head to Marco’s office, explaining to the phoenix what was going on.

- He thought you were both trying to play a prank on him.

- That was until you sat down at his desk and spontaneously combust, setting a good chunk of Marco’s paperwork on fire.

- “I see.” His expression was not a happy one, his usual half-lidded eyes narrowed in annoyance as you step away from the desk and his now charred work.

- “Thatch might still have seastone somewhere… because you need it. You’re a hazard yoi.” Marco said, exasperation in his voice.

- So, the outcome was pretty simple, Thatch slapped a seastone bracelet on you, Ace spent a lot of time whining that he was out of touch with his power, missed it and was cold.

- Everyone had to hear about his chilly nipples for an entire day.

- Marco being the only one with power similar, despite being pissed at you still. he was easy going but he could hold a grudge when he wanted to. Agreed to help nether the less.

- On a small island you guys practised.

- Ace trying to explain how to turn it ‘on’ and ‘off’ and Marco trying to explain how to control it.

- Two of them talking at once made you turn into a blaze of human emotions.

- “How the hell did you learn to control this with your short temper Ace?” you asked as you took breaths to clear your mind, letting the fire fade, watching your hand go from dancing flames to flesh and bone.

- “Practise and a lot of help from the others.” He admitted, rubbing his arms to try and keep warm, the heavy sweater not doing as much as he’d like.

- “It takes time, you are getting there though yoi.” Marco put a hand on your shoulder, offering you a smile.

- An entire day of training, exhausted, frustrated and just done you all returned to the ship.

- “I hate your power.”

- “I miss my power” Ace mumbled as he cuddled next to you in bed, pouting.

- You were woken halfway through the night to Ace yelling from the bathroom.

- “Did you get something caught again?” you called as you rubbed your eyes, got out of bed, and opened the door.

- Ace standing there with fire in his palms, the biggest grin on his face, he looked like he was about to cry from how happy he was.

- “This means I don’t have to wear a sweater anymore!”

- You laughed, rolling your eyes but grateful everything was restored once more.

TAG LIST: @undercoverweeeb @slut4animedilfs @acesmarigold @sanjithesimp @aces-sweetheart @sugxrslushy @kaizokuwritings

@iloveportgasdace @bepoprotectionsquad @ace-no-isha

@thatsprettycoolbro @my-muses-in-op @saisei-no-hano @fire-fist-ann @rivvd-art @santoru @mimi-ya @simp4ace @aifozu

@useless-potatho @iloveportgasdace @smoleeveewrites@strawhat-bast @gonuclear

#portgas d ace x reader #portugas d ace x reader #portgas d ace #portugas d ace #ace one piece x you #ace x reader #ace x you #ace x yn #ace x y/n #one piece x reader #one piece x you #one piece reader insert #sfw #gender neutral reader

[lunar-wandering]

hi yes, welcome to a list of thoughts/things im adding to the Giggle Glow AU-

the glow can also be activated by purring

Wukong purrs in his sleep (only when he’s really comfortable though)

the others find out about this during a sleepover (which they were having because some of them weren’t sleeping well)

initially they don’t tell him but when he does find out he gets embarrassed over it and just. opts not to sleep. which of course leads to-

sleep deprived Wukong. the worst possible thing one could have on their ship

as a side note Macaque can also purr in his sleep it’s just harder for that to happen due to. yeah.

im adding my headcanon of Macaque being easily freaked out by scary movies/stories to this AU

Wukong starts telling scary stories in places where he knows Macaque can overhear them as revenge for the amount of times the other makes him laugh using inside jokes

someone makes a joke and Wukong goes “that. wasn’t even a good joke, like who would find that pun funny?” and leaves the room, closing the door behind him, and whoever made the joke feels disappointed

that is, until Macaque casually flicks the lights in the room off and they can see the flickering glow from under the doorway, proving that Wukong is secretly laughing because he did find the joke funny

IM ADDING THE WHOLE “MACAQUE’S EARS CHANGE COLOR WITH HIS EMOTIONS” AND “MACAQUE’S SHADOW REVEALS HOW HE’S FEELING” THINGS INTO HERE AND YALL CANNOT STOP ME

Mei makes a video thats a bunch of clips of Wukong laughing set to the beat of Mr. Blue Sky. Wukong hates said video so Mei makes it her ringtone for when he calls/texts her

she also makes a video using Macaque’s laugh, but she sets that one to the beat of Hard Knock Life

Red Son....should’ve already known about Wukong’s giggle glow before everyone else, but he. genuinely thought his father was joking/being figurative when he said the Monkey King’s laugh could “light up a room”

Spider Queen knows about Wukong’s giggle glow because he just. would not stop making jokes and laughing at them while he was captured. (....tbh most of it was him trying to cover up his nervous laughter, which was mainly what was causing the glow. DBK picked up on that, but chose to not say anything about it)

yes of course absolutely we are adding the “Wukong is shapeshifting to make himself taller” thing into this. yes this does end up eventually being revealed in a ridiculous way

(what if..........his shapeshifted height fluctuated with his emotions....so he’d get smaller when shy/flustered and also sad but we’re not focusing on that .........ha ha jk......unless-)

he doesn’t stop shapeshifting though, and in fact starts making himself even taller than before.

(Wukong holds an item just barely out of Pigsy’s reach. Pigsy sighs, and then mutters something, and suddenly Wukong is back down to his normal height, stuttering, and Pigsy is easily removing whatever he wanted out of Wukong’s grasp)

like i’ve said before everyone does buy sunglasses so that Wukong doesn’t, y’know, accidentally blind them. what i haven’t said is that MK personalizes said sunglasses by painting cool designs on the sides

the way the fact that Macaque will also glow if he laughs at the same time as Wukong or MK gets revealed is. comedy movie night. Macaque tried so hard to remain stoic (his shadow was losing it when the others actually looked) but he so completely failed

Macaque 🤝 Wukong: getting flustered over the nicknames the others call them due to the Giggle Glow

(MK doesn’t really care about any nicknames he receives, he loves them for the most part. there might be one or two exceptions)

Red Son gets an honorary membership to the “people who glow” group since yes, im giving him the firefly freckles-

they have to make a special camera in order to take pictures of Wukong while he’s laughing because otherwise the pictures just. end up not being so good due to the Bright Light

there is a photo album. both Wukong and Macaque are actively trying to destroy it.

they are not gonna succeed any time soon.

#Monkie Kid #Giggle Glow AU #since im leaving for my bungalow tomorrow i figured id share these since idk what the wifi will be like up there

[the-insomniac-emporium]

I love your writing.

if it's not too much trouble may i make a request? I'm thinking the Dimitrescu women meeting and/or courting a fellow immortal.

the circumstances of the immortal's powers and possession of immorality are entirely up to you. I just like the idea of them meeting someone they could literally spend forever with...because they deserve it ❤

I wasn't sure if you wanted a story or headcanons? I went with HCs, here, but if you wanted more of a drabble or whatever just lemme know and I'll write something like that.

Also, I got excited and carried away so this has the whole Dimitrescu family, plus shorter ones for both Mother Miranda and Donna. Admittedly Alcina's is also a little on the shorter side? I tried to write everything that came to mind, but I am kinda tired right now, sorry. Might reblog this and add some more later.

(Under read-more for length)

Cassandra:

Tries (and fails) to hide her excitement. Mortality is one of the bigger things that has made her keep her distance to others, at least in the past. Every Maiden she’s ever been the slightest bit smitten with, up until this point, has been incredibly fragile. Seeing as she’s not exactly the softest person, one can easily imagine why that would be a turn off for her. But now that’s no longer a problem!

On the other had… having an immortal partner gives Cassandra pause. Why? Because what if they breakup? Normally, she can just, ahem, “dispose” of any exes (regardless of how much it hurts) so she doesn’t have to see them/deal with them anymore. If that’s not an option, she’ll definitely take longer than usual to do anything about her feelings. She wants to be sure, 100%, before she gets in over her head. Chances are she won’t hold back for as long as she wants though.

Likely to have a loud, messy confession. She’ll have been avoiding you for a few days, always ducking out of whatever rooms you enter, leaving you both hurt and confused. After enlisting the help of her sisters, you’ll be able to corner her outside. She’ll tell you, under no uncertain circumstances, to leave her alone. But you’ll refuse, demanding an explanation.

“I thought we had something. I thought you cared,” you’ll snap, eyes watering. “If that’s changed… if I was wrong, just tell me. I’ll leave and I’ll never come back.” Cue thunder and raining (because tropes) and Cassandra dramatically pulling you into a kiss, holding you so tightly you think you might bruise. Then she’s demanding that you stay, refusing to apologize but making it clear just how much she does care.

Being immortal, you’re not as defenseless as some of Cassandra’s past interests. Naturally, she doesn’t get quite as protective as she normally would. She’ll still have your back no matter what, ready to fight by your side against any foe, and will probably consider doing so a “fun bonding activity”. Oh, some lycans are encroaching on Dimitrescu territory? Time to go destroy them, as a power couple!

Despite having all the time in the world, Cassandra won’t change much of her actual courting behavior, nor the rate at which things advance. She’s still gonna get handsy fairly early on, still gonna “rah!” at you in the hallways, and still going to struggle with her jealousy.

Immortality Compatibility: I can see Cassandra going for another vampire (or vampire adjacent) creature, or someone demonic. She likes her lovers a bit rough, with some nice bite to their personalities. If you’ve got sharp teeth, or claws, or glowing eyes? Oh boy, she’s gonna be making heart eyes at you all the time.

Bela:

If your immortality isn’t immediately obvious, Bela is over the moon with joy when she finds out. Her eyes will go wide for a moment, before she tries to seem calm (so as to not freak you out), but her heart is pounding. This is what she’s been hoping for. As much as Mother Miranda has done for her family, there’s no guarantee that she’d be willing to give more. Even if Miranda granted Bela’s lover her “gift”, there was no telling what the results would be, or if the lover would survive. Now that there’s no need for such a transformation, it’s far easier for Bela to imagine herself in love (and eventually be in love).

Slow-burn romance over a decade or longer, oops. Doesn’t even necessarily mean to take things so slowly, just doesn’t feel a need to rush things, preferring that they develop organically. With both of you having unlimited time, you’re both used to working on a very large timescale. Maidens watching the two of you probably place bets on how long it’ll take you to hold hands for the first time. Everyone knows it’s coming, but no matter how much Cassandra and Daniela complain, Bela refuses to jump into things. By the time the two of you are officially together, you’re probably madly in love with each other.

More protective than Cassandra, if only because she knows just how rare you are. Immortal or not, you likely still have a weakness, and Bela will do everything in her power to make sure no one else knows what it is. If applicable, she will also ensure she has a countermeasure readily available. For example: If you were weak to fire, she’d make sure that the castle keeps extinguishers handy, just in case. Though they should probably already do that. Not that the Dimitrescu family cares much for OSHA compliance.

Somehow grows more in love with you with every passing year, and makes sure that you know this. Whether you’ve been together for one year or one century (because in this house we ignore canon), she’s always performing little acts of love, giving constant reminders of how strongly she feels. Gifts, special dates, book recommendations, etc.

Immortality Compatibility: Bela seems like the type to go for someone with a calming presence, and perhaps somewhat of a contrast to herself. I can picture her with someone somewhat angelic, or druidic, someone very in tune with nature. She’d love to feed deer with you and relax in the forest! Or lay against a tree by your side, listening to you talk about various microorganisms for hours at a time.

Daniela:

Practically tackles you when she finds out/connects the dots. This is just like one of her romance novels, where a lonely (attractive as fuck) immortal spends years in isolation before finally meeting the love of their life, who they get to spend the rest of eternity with. Absolutely ecstatic about the whole situation. Won’t stop kissing you and pulling you close, rambling about how great it’s gonna be to spend your lives together. Honestly? Kind of overwhelming. You might have to remind her a few times that you don’t have to rush into things, considering you have all the time in the world.

Introduces you to people as her “super cool/rad immortal life partner”. Genuinely cannot bring herself to not brag about you. If her sisters haven’t found someone like you yet, you can bet that Daniela will tease them about it all the time (much to their annoyance). If Momma Alcina doesn’t, though? Dani will keep her thoughts to herself, thank you very much (being grounded at her age does not impress the s/o).

Tries not to show it, but she’s actually very nervous. You’re immortal! You’ve probably seen a lot of shit (she certainly has)! Worries about keeping you interested in her, though she would never admit it. This tends to lead to her performing ridiculous acts to showcase her affection, regardless of the cost or, like, whether or not you’d even enjoy whatever she has planned. In order to counter her anxiety, you’ll want to reassure her whenever you can, and give her plenty of “I love you”s.

Strikes a decent balance between Cassandra’s nonchalant attitude and Bela’s protectiveness. Will defend you if you need it, playing up the romantic aspect, but also entirely willing to hide behind you in a scary situation.

Immortality Compatibility: Having probably read Twilight… Dani would date a werewolf, as long as they weren’t the smelly kind. Also interested in a sort of “magical”/elemental type, especially if their powers are influenced by emotions. In other words, if someone flirts with her in front of you, and your response is to subconsciously light your hands/the other person on fire? She thinks that’s hot, pun intended.

Alcina:

“Oh? Interesting,” she’d say, smiling softly (and trying to ignore the heat rushing to her face). Similarly to Cassandra, she’d try to play it off, not wanting to seem too excited. And, well, she’s not as excited as any of her daughters are. After all, she’s had more time than them to “get used” to the idea of outliving any potential romantic interests. So, she’s not exactly desperate for a relationship, even with someone she could spend an eternity with.

That being said, if she is romantically interested in them, she’s very relieved. Outliving a loved one can be incredibly traumatizing (fuck you c*pcom, you know what you did), and knowing that you’re safe (or at least safer than most) brings her no small amount of comfort.

Also, just glad to have another person close to her age around. Her daughters are somewhat stuck as young adults, and I imagine Alcina would want someone who gained immortality a little later in life, such as herself, as opposed to, ya know, reminding her of her children. That probably goes without saying. Hopefully.

More so than her daughters, Alcina would change her level of protectiveness depending on her s/o’s power level. If you’re a shapeshifter who can also turn into a big ass dragon? Then she’s not going to coddle you. If you’re immortal but still vulnerable, then she’s going to do her best to keep you safe, even going so far as to enlist the assistance of her daughters. “If you see a single Maiden growing mistletoe, or bringing some in from the village, let me know immediately,” or something like that, depending on your weakness.

Immortality Compatibility: Definitely would want someone in a situation similar to herself, having once been truly human, only to be “elevated” by something. Bonus points if you’re another disciple of Miranda, double bonus points if Miranda specifically “made” you to be Alcina’s boo/honey/darling/dear.

Bonus! Mother Miranda:

Oh god finally someone who won’t leave her (can’t leave her). No one can take you away from her, and that’s a relief that she’s been craving for over a century. Even if romance isn’t high on her priority list, she welcomes it with open arms, glad to have someone by her side through all of life’s chaos.

Admittedly slow to trust at first, probably just using you as a tool at first. But prove yourself enough, show that your devotion is more than just misdirected self-interest, and she’ll start to warm up to you. Forming a real relationship would likely take a couple decades, similar to with Bela. Once you are together, however, the two of you are inseparable in all matters.

You’d be her #1 follower, most trusted adviser, and the only person allowed to understand 100% of her thoughts and motives. While Miranda wouldn’t allow you to be seen as the same level as her (sorry), you’d still be a legend among the villagers. To them, you’re Mother Miranda’s champion, the epitome of a devoted follower that they all aspire to emulate. Not that they know the two of you are a couple, though.

Immortality Compatibility: No gimmicks, no cheap tricks, she wants (and respects) a fellow scientist, someone who clawed their way through adversity and forged themselves into something indestructible. Double the interest if you did so for a similar cause to her own, as she would appreciate your ability to relate to her suffering.

Bonus! Donna:

Someone to play with! FOREVER! No more losing people she cares about, no more accidentally breaking people, no more people scrambling to leave. Now that she has you, she can finally spend some quality time with another (living?) person. Honestly her dolls (or at least Angie) are just as excited as she is. Regardless of her relations with the other three Lords, Donna much prefers the company of a lover.

For real though she’s shy as hell and you might not even realize who’s pulling the strings until you’ve been in her house for over a year. She’d probably use her powers to trap you inside, at least at first, though they’d be nice hallucinations. You’d have to treat the dolls nicely, especially Angie, before she’d let you interact with her.

Eventually you’d be allowed to leave, and you’d be given a key to return whenever you wanted to. Assuming that you do, in fact, come back, the two of you would have a very, very slow romance, if only because of Donna’s anxiety. Hand holding makes both of your faces turn beet red, seriously.

Immortality Compatibility: *chanting* GHOST GIRLFRIEND GHOST GIRLFRIEND POLTERGEIST PARTNER POLTERGEIST PARTNER WOOHOO! Something with a flexible, only-sometimes-tangible form, who absolutely could have left at any time but didn’t because they wanted to stay.

#cassandra dimitrescu x reader #bela dimitrescu x reader #daniela dimitrescu x reader #lady dimitrescu x reader #mother miranda x reader #donna beneviento x reader #resident evil: village #re8 village

[blackstarising]

coming back to this post i made again to elaborate - especially as the ted lasso fandom is discussing sam/rebecca and fandom racism in general. there are takes that are important to make that i had failed to previously, but there's also a growing amount of takes that i have to, As A Black Person™, respectfully disagree with.

tl;dr for the essay below sam being infantilized and the sam/rebecca relationship are not the same issue and discussing the former one doesn't mean excusing the latter. and we've reached the glen of the Dark Forest where we sit down and talk about fandom racism.

i should have elaborated this in my last post about sam/rebecca, but i didn't. i'll say it now - i personally don't support sam and rebecca getting together for real. i believe what people are saying is entirely correct, even though sam is an adult legally, he and rebecca are, at the very least, two wildly different stages of life. for americans, he's at the equivalent of being a junior in college. there are things he hasn't gotten the chance to experience and there are areas he needs to grow in. when i was younger, i didn't understand the significance of these age gaps, i just thought it would be fine if it was legal, but as someone who is now a little older than sam in universe, i understand fully. we can't downplay this. whether or not you think sam works for rebecca or not, even despite the gender inversion of the Older Man Younger Woman trope, whether or not he is a legal adult, i don't think at this point in time, their relationship would work. i think it's an interesting narrative device, but i don't want to see it play out in reality.

that being said!

what's worrying me is that two discussions are being conflated here that shouldn't be. sam having agency and being a little more grown™ than he's perceived to be does not suddenly make his relationship with rebecca justified. i had decided to bring it up because sam was being brought into the spotlight again and i was starting to realizing that his infantilization was more common than i felt comfortable with.

sam's infantilization (and i will continue to call it that), is a microaggression. it's is in the range of microaggressions that i would categorize as 'fandom overcompensation'. we have a prominent character of color that exhibits traits that aren't stereotypical, and we don't want to appear racist or stereotypical, so we lean hard in the other direction. they're not aggressive, they're a Sweet Baby, they're not world weary, they're now a little naive. they're not cold and distant, they're so nice and sweet that there's no one that wouldn't want approach them, and yeah, on their face, these new traits are a departure and, on their face, they seem they look really good.

but at a certain point, it reaches an inflection point, and, like the aftertaste of a diet coke, that alleged sweetness veers into something a lot less sweet. it veers into a lack of agency for the character. it veers into an innocence that appears to indicate that the person can't even take care of themselves. it veers into a one-dimensional characterization that doesn't allow for any depth or negative emotion.

it's not kind anymore. it's not a nice departure from negative stereotypes. it's not compensating for anything.

it's patronizing.

it is important that we emphasize that characters of color are more than the toxic stereotypes we lay on them, yes, but we make a mistake in thinking that the solution is overcorrection. for one thing, people of color can usually tell. don't get it twisted, it's actually pretty obvious. for another, it just shifts from one dimension to another. people of color are still supposed to be Only One Character Trait while white people can contain multitudes. ted, who is pretty much as pollyanna as they come, can be at once innocent and naive and deep and troubled and funny and scared. jamie can be a prick and sexy and also lonely and also a victim of abuse. sam, however, even though he was bullied (by jamie, no less), is thousands of miles away from home, and has led a protest on his team, is usually just characterized as human sunshine with much less acknowledgement of any other traits beyond that.

and that's why i cringe when fandom calls sam a Sweet Baby Boy without any sense of irony. is that all we're taking away? after all this time? even for a comedy, sam has received a substantive of screen time over two whole seasons, and we've seen a range of emotions from him. so as a black person it's hurtful that it's boiled down to Sweet Baby Boy.

that's the problem. we need to subvert stereotypes, but more importantly, we need to understand that people of color are not props, or pieces of cardboard for their white counterparts. they are full and actualized and have agency in their own right and they can have other emotions than Angry and Mean or Sweet and Bubbly without any nuance between the two. i think the show actually does a relatively good job of giving sam depth (relatively, always room for improvement, mind you), especially holding it in tension with his youth, but the fandom, i worry, does not.

it's the same reason why finn from star wars started out as the next male protagonist in the sequel trilogy but by the third movie was just running around yelling for REY!! it's the same reason why when people make Phase 4 Is the Phase For Therapy gifsets for the mcu and show wanda maximoff, loki, and bucky barnes crying and being sad but purposefully exclude sam wilson who had an entire show to tell us how difficult his life is, because people find out if pee oh sees are also complex, they'll tell the church.

and the reason why i picked up on this very early on is because i am an organic, certified fresh, 100% homegrown, non-gmo, a little ashy, indigenous sub saharan African black person. the ghanaian tribes i'm descended from have told me so, my black ass parents have told me so, and the nurses at the hospital in [insert asian country here] that started freaking out about how curly my hair was as my mother was mid pushing me out told me so!

and this stuff has real life implications. listen: being patronized as a black person sucks. do you know how many times i was patted on the back for doing quite honestly, the bare minimum in school? do you know how many times i was told how 'well spoken' or 'eloquent' i was because i just happen to have a white accent or use three syllable words? do you know how many times i've been cooed over by white women who couldn't get over how sweet i was just because i wasn't confrontational or rude like they wrongly expected me to be?

that's why they're called microaggressions. it's not a cross on your lawn or having the n-word spat in your face, but it cuts you down little by little until you're completely drained.

so that's the nuance. that's the subversion. the overcompensation is not a good thing. and people of color (and i suspect, even white people) have picked up on, in general, the different ways fandom treats sam and dani and even nate. what all of these discussions are converging on is fandom racism, which is not the diet form of racism, but another place for racism to reveal itself. and yeah, it's uncomfortable. it can seem out of left field. you may want to defend yourself. you may want to explain it away. but let me tap the sign on the proverbial bus:

if you are a white person, or a person of color who is not part of that racial group, even, you do not get to decide what is not racist for someone. full stop. there are no exceptions. there is no exit clause for you. there is no 'but, actually-'. that right wasn't even yours to cede or waive.

(it's also important to note that people of color also have the right to disagree on whether something is racist, but that doesn't necessarily negate the racism - it just means there's more to discuss and they can still leave with different interpretations)

people don't just whip out accusations of racism like a blue eyes white dragon in a yu-gi-oh duel. it's not fun for us. it's not something we like to do to muzzle people we don't want to engage with. and we're not concerned with making someone feel bad or ashamed. we're exposing something painful that we have to live with and, even worse, process literally everything we experience through. we can't turn it off. we can't be 'less sensitive' or 'less nitpicky'. we are literally the primary resources, we are the proverbial wikipedia articles with 3,000 sources when it comes to racism. who else would know more than us?

what 2020 has shown us very clearly is that racism is systemic. it's not always a bunch of Evil White Men rubbing their hands together in a dark room wondering how they're going to use the 'n-word' today. it's systemic. it's the way you call that one neighborhood 'sketchy'. it's how you use 'ratchet' and 'ghetto' when describing something bad. it's how you implicitly the assume the intelligence of your friend of color. it's the way you turned up your nose and your friend's food and bullied them for it in middle school but go to restaurants run by white people who have 'uplifted' it with inauthentic ingredients. it's telling someone how Well Spoken and Eloquent they are even though you've both gone to the same schools and work at the same workplace. it's the way you look down at some people of color for having a different body type than you because they've been redlined to neighborhoods where certain foods and resources are inaccessible, and yet mock up the racial features that appeal to you either through makeup or plastic surgery.

it's how when a person of color behaves badly, they're irredeemable, but a white person performing the same act or something similar is 'having a bad day' or 'isn't normally like this' or 'has room to grow' and we can't 'wait for their redemption arc', and yes, i'm not going to cover it in detail in this post but yes this is very much about nate. other people have also brought up the nuances in his arc and compared them to other white characters so i won't do it here.

these behaviors and reactions aren't planned. they aren't orchestrated. they're quite literally unconscious because they've been lovingly baked into western society for centuries. you can't wake up and be rid of it. whether you intended it or not, it can still be racist.

and it's actually quite hurtful and unfair to imply that concerns about racism in the TL fandom are unfounded or lacking any depth or simply meant to be sensational because you simply don't agree with it. i wish it was different, but it doesn't work that way. i'm not raising this up to 'call out' or shame people, but i'm adding to this discussion because, through how we talk about sam, and even dani and nate, i'm yet again seeing a pattern that has shortchanged people of color and made them feel unwelcome in fandom for far too long.

coach beard said it best: we need to do better.

#ted lasso #sam obisanya #ted lasso spoilers #fandom racism

[byunmyeon]

Philophobia

↳ pairing: lee suho x reader

↳ synopsis: in a world where a red string connects soulmates, everyone knows who they belong with. except you, who hasn’t been able to see your string since you were a kid.

↳ warnings: language (like one word), a copious amount of angst and heartbreak

— note: there’s a serious lack of suho fics out there so I decided to write my own. lmk if you guys want me to write a second part!

There was something inexplicably eerie about being the new girl in a school that was twice the size of your old one. Not because it was an unfamiliar setting, nor was it because you were painfully shy and terrible at making friends. It wasn’t even your disparaging insecurities that had you feeling so shook. No, it was something you couldn’t put your finger on, something you couldn’t begin to name. A discomfort you could feel all the way down to your bones.

Your inordinate unease swelled into full blown panic with every step you took toward your new classroom. Somewhere in your unorganized mind, you could hear your mom’s reassuring voice. Everything will be okay. You didn’t know if her words held any truth, but you really, really, really hoped she was right. You were being stupid, honestly. There was nothing to fear, but you couldn’t shake the foreboding feeling from your stature. Despite all the undesirable emotions you felt, your breathing was normal and your heartbeat was steady.

It took you a minute to gather yourself. You could do this.

After a very ineffectual pep talk, you finally got your feet to move. Your eyes were cast down as you entered the classroom. The rowdy classroom went silent once your presence became known. You swallowed the nerves and chanced a glance at your new classmates. The reactions were a mixture of curiosity and disinterest.

When your teacher introduced you to the class, you decided to really look at your new classmates. Among the sea of unfamiliar faces, one stuck out. An unnaturally attractive face belonging to an unfamiliar boy. His stare was strange. It was full of an intensity you couldn’t comprehend. You kept staring, in spite of yourself. Fuck. Was it possible for someone to be so attractive?

The clapping of your classmates pulled you back into reality. You were quick to look elsewhere, unable to understand the sudden lurch of your heart.

Suho couldn’t take his eyes off the new girl, more specifically, the string neatly wrapped around her index finger. He watched her carefully. The shy smile she wore was annoyingly adorable, and it made a foreign warmth spread across his chest and along his entire body. The new girl didn’t spare him another glance as she took her seat next to Jugyeong.

Lim Jugyeong.

He wasn’t her soulmate and she wasn’t his, but she was the girl who had unknowingly stolen his heart. That wasn’t about to change because some stranger who he was supposedly meant to be with came into his life with no warning.

Suho looked back to the front of the classroom without looking at the new girl again.

The first time it happened, you wrote it off as fatigue. After all, you had just started middle school and trying to keep up with your new workload as well as your budding social life was exhausting. That day, the color of your string had faded a bit, but it was still visible. By the time you were on your way home it disappeared for a mere second before regaining its color. Days later, it was completely gone.

When your mom first found out you could no longer see your string, she became extremely distraught. It had affected her more than it did you, honestly. She wasted no time in taking you to see countless specialists and psychologists. Anything to keep you from becoming a freak that didn’t know who they were meant to be with. She unknowingly made you feel exactly like that.

Apparently, you were a rare case because every person you went to for help wanted to conduct a study on you and your condition. Fortunately for you, your mom didn’t want you becoming a lab rat and decided to stop seeking out help from strangers. Left with no other option, you went to one person who she believed could help you. An old friend of hers.

He wasn’t a specialist, just a regular doctor who came to the conclusion that a deep, scarring trauma had caused you to no longer see your string. You could remember the heartbreak on your mom’s face because you both knew what that trauma was.

Your mom did her best to help you. Spending more time together and countless hours of therapy did nothing for your condition. Nothing worked. You became convinced that trying to see your string again was futile.

And you were right.

As time went on, you grew used to the unease that had latched itself onto you on that first day. The feeling in your bones settled in like an unwelcome guest who refused to leave. No matter what you did, you couldn’t shake the feeling. Eventually, you gave up trying.

However, something shifted when you crossed paths with Lee Suho.

You two had been put in the same group for a science lab. His attention had been solely on Lim Jugyeong, but there were times when your eyes would meet. Those milliseconds were just that, but to you they felt like an eternity. He rarely addressed you, but when he did, you could feel the pressure weighing on your bones fade bit by bit. That familiar feeling soon shifted into a more comfortable presence that you yearned to feel forever.

It was subtle, but at some point, Suho’s emotionless face changed. The change would last for no more than a second, but it always did when he looked at you. That change had your entire stature seeping with warmth. You vaguely recognized the feeling as something akin to infatuation.

It scared you.

Of course, the possibility that he might be your soulmate crossed your mind, but you quickly dismissed that thought.

Too many times had you gotten in trouble for insisting someone was your soulmate when they really weren’t. Any special bond or feelings that grew between you and someone else couldn’t always be interpreted as the ones between soulmates. You learned that the hard way.

Besides, your soulmate would make it clear to name themselves as such even if you couldn’t see the string.

At least, you hoped they would.

Philophobia.

Before you went into high school, your mom insisted you see one last psychologist with the promise that the one she found was different. Reluctantly, you went to see this woman who diagnosed you with this absurd illness. You felt like it was made up, but your mother was adamant that you did have it.

You knew she only thought that because you had told her you no longer had any interest in finding your soulmate. Her panic was unrivaled after hearing those words come out of your mouth. You wrote off her panic because your disinterest in soulmates was only natural. How could it not when—at the time—it was all your friends could talk about? Talk about being the odd man out.

Okay, and maybe you also weren’t keen on meeting new people because of the fear that they could easily ignore the string you couldn’t see. There was also the fear that if you ever did meet someone you wanted to spend your life with, they could end up not being your soulmate and vice versa.

But those feelings would all fade with time, you were sure.

Hanging out near the back of the school where no one ever went became a regular thing for you. It was the one spot where you didn’t have to worry about your soulmate or anything related to that—a safe place. Until it wasn’t.

“You can’t just ignore the bond you have with her.”

The angry voice was one you vaguely recognized. You peeked around the corner, eyes widening when you saw Han Seojun and Lee Suho in the middle of what appeared to be an argument.

“Why are you bringing that up?” Suho’s eyes narrowed. “Do you still like Jugyeong?”

Seojun’s gaze hardened. “It’s not about that.”

It was wrong to listen on what was clearly meant to be a private conversation, but your feet wouldn’t move. You could see Suho’s anger and irritation from your hiding place, and for some reason seeing him that way made a blistering discomfort latch itself onto your chest.

“You’re being unfair to Jugyeong and Y/N.”

The mention of your name had your insides twisting into an uncomfortable knot. You didn’t understand why or how you had anything to do with the discussion, but you had a feeling the reason wasn’t anything good.

“Just because she’s my soulmate doesn’t mean I owe her anything.”

There was a sharp pain in your chest, one that grew into a searing pain as the seconds ticked by. You might’ve cried out in pain had it not been for the shock that consumed you. In a sudden instant, your vision became blurred with tears as you staggered back. His words were the worst form of torture, like a piece of barbed wire that wrapped itself around your heart.

Your fate was a cruel one, forever bound to someone who refused to acknowledge the bond between you two. Lee Suho was your soulmate, but he didn’t want to be.

It was a cruel reality to have your worst nightmare come to life.

“Is it true?”

Suho raised an eyebrow at you. His gaze didn’t soften like it once did. Now it just remained impassive, almost annoyed. The cold look he was giving you was making you regret even coming to him in the first place.

“Are you really my soulmate?”

“Why are you acting like you don’t know?” Suho’s unaffected stare unsettled you. “You’ve known since the first time we saw each other.”

But you hadn’t known. This entire time you had been driving yourself crazy thinking you were only imagining the connection between you two like you had done countless times after you first lost the sight of your string. Despite wanting to tell him that, you settled for a question.

“What about Jugyeong? Don’t you think she—?”

“Are you going to tell her?” He interrupted you.

You could literally hear your heart crack. Of course that’s all he cared about. He didn’t care whether or not you were hurt and upset, hell, he probably thought you had no interest in your soulmate. But he was wrong, so very wrong.

“Why?” He demanded. “You don’t want me as your soulmate either. You’ve been ignoring the bond, too.”

I can’t see my string! You nearly yelled. The words were clawing at your throat, eager to be released. But you found yourself unable to tell him the truth.

“My soul chose yours,” you said, close to tears. “And a soul just doesn’t forget that.”

For a moment, one that was so quick you thought you imagined it, Suho looked remorseful. Stupidly, it made you hope that he would accept you and the bond that bounded you together.

“Don’t tell her.” His voice didn’t sound like a plea, but you knew what he was asking you to do was clearly important to him. “I can’t loose her.”

And so, you agreed. Even if it meant that your own heart would be left in tatters.

#lee suho x reader #true beauty fanfic #lee suho imagine #lee suho fanfic #true beauty imagine #cha eunwoo #cha eunwoo imagine #cha eunwoo x reader #true beauty tvn