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pookiwookis · 4 months

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SweetTooth1 and CurseDevourer

playlist for the fic, no chronological order (except for like the first 4 songs maybe) and i might add more :3 https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2p3NOFNTCignOBYNkqt2yF?si=b76cafe295d84fbf also i mostly wrote this fic for myself, also i suggest reading the tags beforehand but i hope u enjoy !! (ps. posted this on ao3 as @bunnyalien !!) (pps. if you do play add me my battletag is kiwi#26932 ( i main mercy <3 )) - mittens 🫧

Description:

Rated: G

Words: 1371

Pairing orientation: m/m

The screen lights up with a word written in red; 'defeat', "dude you could've touched the point" Satoru said in slight annoyance, and he could hear Suguru sighing on the other line "I swear to god if you say 'you could've touched the point' one more time I'm offing myself" he replied, they argue about who was in the wrong in the heat of the moment, but alas, they apologized to each other and then joined the game’s practice range while waiting to queue for another game.

Game handle names CurseDevourer, Suguru Geto and SweetTooth1, Satoru Gojo, have met through the game Overwatch and have been friends for over two years, they almost always find time after school to play for leisure (except Gojo who leaves studying for when an exam is a day or two away). Suguru and Satrou were never texters, especially Suguru who didn’t have any socials, so gaming was a great way for them to communicate, they would talk about their day and interests through it for hours until Suguru told him his curfew (that he had set for himself) is up and he has to go study, especially that he studies med subjects while Satoru studies humanitarian subjects, so he has more free time since it’s all pretty easy (of course not to mention he doesn’t really care).

They had been friends for over two years, and yet they had never thought about meeting, it wasn’t an option since Suguru’s parents were so strict on his studying, that he had to be cautious about playing with Satoru as well. They had been friends for a while and sharing pictures of oneself was very one-sided, he was too scared to confess, scared that it would ruin their friendship, especially since Suguru had a history of toxic friendships in middle school. Suguru was curious about his crush’s thoughts on how he looked like, except he was too self-conscious to do so, his high school peers had bullied him for being friendless, an outcast, and although he would always stand up for himself, it still made him feel self-conscious. He was glad Satoru hadn’t pressured him to share a photo of himself when he refused and didn’t provide a reason.

He liked Satoru, but he realized he had a crush on him in their third year of friendship, Suguru realized Satoru was in his head more often than he wanted, and the way he talked about the people in his life made him feel jealous and frustrated, he was happy his crush was happy but he still wondered; why does he have to live so far away? Why can’t they be in the same school? Why can’t it be him instead? Satoru was all he was thinking about, it made his studying difficult, but then he would get words of encouragement from him and would succeed still, so he couldn’t blame him.

–

They still play the game even after their high school graduation and the entrance to their Universities, but when the time to study for exams came, Suguru warned Satoru about not being able to play anymore because he had to prioritize studying, Satoru asked him to make a social account for them to keep in touch, Suguru replied by saying he’s busy and he’ll do tomorrow.

Satoru waited til the next day, he logged into his play station, except it was updating and required him to sign in to his account, Satoru panicked, he didn’t remember his password or email, and he also did not connect his email to anything, so there is no back up for his account. And in an instant, they fall apart. Suguru logs in to tell Satoru about his account, and he waits, waits and waits, Suguru waits for a day, two, a week, and he gets busier and busier but still hanging on a thread in hopes of Satoru contacting him, but to no avail, so he eventually gave up. Suguru didn’t feel angry, though he did feel sad and confused that Satoru had disappeared without a trace.

A few years go by, and Suguru reminisces about the times he played with Satoru, he tried downloading the game again but there wasn’t any space, he used it all for his university studies, and now that he’s a successful adult with straight As, his parents are more lenient on what he wants to do, so he goes to a gaming cafe to play a little. Suguru arrives at a nearby gaming cafe, it is fairly empty, and he decides to sit in the corner, away from everyone else, he finds comfort in his lonesome. All was well until a few moments later, a guy sat next to him, he didn’t bother looking but he knew he annoyed him to the core, out of all the empty places he decided to sit right next to him?!

He wouldn’t have minded it too much if he wasn’t in his personal space. How can someone be so loud even while others are wearing headphones? Suguru sighs loudly, he can’t even move elsewhere because he is already in a competitive game, he’ll be sure to move after this game though, he is not sitting through this throughout his whole session. The yelling stops shortly, and Suguru is reliev- “hey man could you help me out i have no idea what’s wrong with my game” said the man in frustration, Suguru’s eye was twitching. He turns to look at him and absolute shock fills his body “SweetTooth1?!” He yells involuntarily, “Oh my god.” said the other “CurseDevourer?!” He continued.

–

In the next couple of weeks, the duo's interactions became a delicate dance of emotions and unspoken sentiments. They continued their routine visits to the gaming cafe, each session revealing a bit more about the connection they shared. Casual conversations evolved into moments of shared laughter. Suguru found himself stealing glances at Satoru, wondering if he could sense the subtle shift in the air. Satoru, too, seemed more attuned to Suguru's presence, a warmth in his gaze that hinted at something beyond what they are right now.

One evening, during a gaming session, they found themselves sitting in their usual quiet corner of the cafe, the ambient noise of the gaming machines provided a comforting backdrop to their conversation.

The tension between Suguru and Satoru grew like a thin rope that was being pulled from both ends. There were lingering glances and exchanged smiles that carried a weight of unspoken feelings.

Suguru found himself wrestling with the emotions he had kept bottled up. Feelings he thought were long gone, but meeting the other had proved otherwise, there was no denial especially since his feelings for him bloomed brighter with each passing day.

The gaming cafe became a familiar place for their encounters, each session held unspoken words and lingering tension.

Suguru felt a surge of courage, "Satoru," Suguru started, his voice slightly shaky but determined, "there's something I've been wanting to share with you. It's been on my mind, and I think it's time we address it."

Satoru turned towards him, an inquisitive glint in his eyes.

"It's about us." Suguru continued, trying to find the right words.

Satoru nodded, silently urging him to go on.

Suguru took a deep breath, his gaze meeting Satoru's. "I've never said this out loud, but... you mean a lot to me, more than just a friend. Our time together has become so incredibly important to me, Satoru. I care about you deeply, I want you to know because you deserve my honesty, and I don't want to keep my feelings hidden anymore."

Satoru's expression softened, and the air around them seemed to blossom with the emotions of that vulnerable moment. As Suguru and Satoru sat in the gaming cafe, the atmosphere heavy with profound emotions, adrenaline pumping through their bodies, leaned in, closing the gap between them. In that intimate moment, their lips met in a soft, tentative kiss—a silent acknowledgment of the feelings they had finally expressed. The world outside the gaming cafe seemed to fade away as they shared the connection. The taste of exhilaration lingered with the warmth of newfound understanding, creating a moment paused in time.

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dreamcaught · 11 months

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The Doc/River and Doc/Clara are equally valid ships.

I'm a Tentoo stan all the way, so the Doctor moving on to a new romance doesn't bother me, especially the first time I watched the show. But on rewatch, I'm frustrated with how poorly his new romances have been executed.

(My apologies to any Thasmin fans -- I haven't seen any of that yet, but I hear your ship is gold, so kudos there and I'll take your word for it.)

The problem I've had with both of them though is that they occur concurrently. Matt Smith said in an interview once that it was tense to introduce his girlfriend to his wife. And while I'm genuinely on board with polyamory, I do not think that's what this is. It takes away from both relationships and confuses the narrative.

I think that the Doctor loved Clara but never had her, while he had River but never loved her. Their romantic stories are sometimes interesting from his perspective because it's him trying to do the right thing for both women and failing in consequence. But it's also taking away the agency from Clara and River who just become the mistress and the wife.

It confuses things even further when you realize that both of them were introduced in a strange out of order way and whose main arcs revolve entirely around their interactions with the Doctor. This is flanderized with River (literally - her actual life revolves around him) and, while there is an attempt to fix that mistake with Clara (by making her only part of his history because of a paradox), it ultimately falls flat. Their backstories, their personalities and their interests make them feel much like the same person as much as their relationship with the Doctor does.

(Don't even get me started on how much River and Clara sound alike, either. Moffat only knows how to write one woman. She makes an appearance in Sherlock, too. But I digress.)

The essential problem that I have with these concurrent relationships is the faithlessness that the Doctor demonstrates. Again, it could be argued that some of these feelings are only problematic when seeing them from a monogamous perspective. The Doctor could not be monogamous, except that he is. The level of devotion and faithfulness to Rose through to Journeys End is one example of this.

However there is also that Twelve's reactions to River's exploits and other marriages shows that it bothers him. Eleven calls River his ex when he's with Clara, because being with two people at once bothers him. Both River and Clara are jealous of each other. The Doctor keeps them a secret from each other while simultaneously dating both. That is not devotion to either of them, nor do they have devotion to him.

Honestly, unless River is a plot point in the episode of choice, she is essentially forgotten about. Then, when Clara is actually forgotten about, River comes back. It's sort of like Moffat thought they were interchangeable. It's like he wrote part of River's timeline and then fell in love with the idea of Clara but had already tied the knot with the whole marriage to River thing that he had to begrudgingly keep on -- and it shows.

(And sidenote, Moffat: bisexual people are not polyamorous by rote, just so you know. It can happen like once and be okay, but you used that card with Jack Harkness.)

I know this is mostly nonsense because I'm talking about the B romantic plotline of an action/adventure/science fiction show, but how these characters interact with each other has a big impact on why we enjoy watching them. I don't like being taught that it's okay to emotionally cheat on someone you're with, whether that be either River or Clara, and I think that's ultimately why I could never get on board with these ships.

#doctor who #relationships #meta #ramblings #anti moffat

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mrthought · 1 year

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Life

Drifting. The world goes forward and why do you go back? It's not easy when you're not the most motivated. The most discipline. The most popular. It's not that easy. I can give you the list of all my failed attempts and man oh man. It's truly not that easy. Getting looked over. Laughed at. Not even a message from friends or places you go. If you feel like that I feel you, man. You feel alone, but want to be loved by someone, but what happens when you finally find one? You are stuck in this loop that all those years that you have been alone and getting rejected left and right. You're scared, you convince yourself that nobody loves you, and when you finally get that love you just don't truly feel it it's like you're in this loop over and over again like you can tell her you love her, you can tell him you love him. But he or she has been so alone and getting looked over by anyone when they finally get that love they truly wanted. They will try their best until they realize it's real. Love is scary, but that little push that the person does to you. Like courage the cowardly dog used to say "The things I do for love" it's such a stupid line, but once you get older. You will do so many things for love. When you find her or him.

Alone. First, love yourself. Because he or she will only love a hollow heart. When you are still trying to find a purpose in life that individual will never see your mistakes your embarrassment, or your failures. They will tell you to believe in yourself, but it's hard when you were the kid in school who had big dreams back in the day but was shut down by your own family. By your mother, father, the list goes on. Being alone is a must to understand to love yourself because one day. That person that said he loves you or she loves you forever will be gone. As much as they promise. As much as you try it will not be enough.

Dreams. Those dead dreams have been shut down by everyone. Because you were not the biggest, the strongest, or the fastest. You were just there. That's called an underdog. You'll get bullied. By the team, by the people, by your family. Blaming you for those little mistakes they make every single day. But I guess you're the exception. Always remember to ignore them. Fuck them. But always remember that you have no enemies. Just jealous people think they can play with your head. A man must have a destiny to fully accomplish life. It may be that diploma you want. That sport you always wanted to do. Maybe it's that house you want. That car. That business. Go for it. Go for it. Don't drift. You may stumble, you may fall, but the biggest regret of a man and woman is to stay on the ground. Are you the chosen one? No. Are you the strongest? Probably not. Are you disciplined? Maybe. Do you get tempted by the smallest things? Absolutely. You must be worthy of the thing you truly want.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe they were right. You can say so many things. You can make so many excuses on why this wouldn't work because your thoughts are the things that every person told you. Getting "the talk" by those toxic parents that gaslight everyone in thinking they are supporting you. They are only humiliating you to the point of being stressed, anxious, depressed, and so many things In your mind that you can't even think about because there are so many. Until those toxic parents win. Those parents are the worst. Complaining about every single thing you do and once you let all that frustration at them. They want you to go to therapy. Like they haven't done anything.

Hope. You feel paralyzed. You feel overwhelmed. You feel lost. You feel that you haven't done anything in your life. But the road is different for everybody. Don't rush it. Don't blame yourself. It wasn't your fault. Look at yourself in the mirror and say I love you. Forgive yourself. Love yourself. But please. Don't follow the path of those "villains arc" be kind, forgive, and enjoy life. You have no enemies. You must find peace in life and must always be worthy of the things you want. Study, work out, grind for that job, for that sport. Do what makes you alive. Do what makes you. Be you. Don't be the next person. Be the first you.

Become worthy of life. Become worthy of the things you want. Don't give up. Because there's hope on those nights you were crying, you were fighting, you were cheated on. Those nights that you were alone and wanted to leave the world behind. That night that you wanted to change. That night you wanted to be different. That night you push everyone away. It's okay. It happens. We are not the popular kids in school. The person that everyone wanted. The person that the coach saw was making it big. The son that our parents were proud of. We weren't the chosen ones. The failures we did. The mistakes we made. It's okay. That's how life works. There's always hope in the end. There's always hope. Be worthy. You are not chosen, but you must be worthy of the prize you want.

You may be stubborn, you may be a hothead, or you may be ignorant. Always remember to think before you act. Write everything that you truly want and execute it by thinking about your next move. Be worthy. Your friends, your parents, those people that mock you, laughed at you, looked over you, humiliated you, and rejected you. Those people are nothing. Always remember to enjoy life.

You are worthy of it.

#life #motivateyourself #discipline #journey

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submassed · 2 years

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ok senpiss and osuke megapost right here rn guys im so sorry if i forget anything + if this doesnt make any sense: (im not sorry) (this is just gonna be like. Explaining lore and shit mostly idk idk i might add more as time goes on)

warning i talk and ramble a lot during this i am so sorry to everyone on the senpai fnf tag i will not stop preaching about my two idiots

OK so my brain is fucking massive and huge i have two seperate versions of their relationship because i love how complex the both of them can get (even though senpai is quite literally surface level for like everyone who doesnt know how insane i am about his character and how much ive tried to actually give him More Character)

edit: (i lied theres like three seperate versions but im not going to explain them all because its too much and i already feel bad for talking this much)

the first one is literally just typical, bros not in the game or whatever no game exists its just normal bro time ueah ueah (i call this one Normal) (actually i dont call it that) (idk what to call it) (its the one my brain presets to) (if i dont specify which one it is its most likely this one)

the second one is a little more closer to canon senpai where hes actually in the game & this one is More Upsetting to Me a LOT a lot (ill probably get into this more when i actually have a set idea on what i want this au-ish thing to be about) (whenever im talking about this specific thing ill specify this one)

a little sneak peak on the second one is essentially just. osuke collects games, comes across senpai, they both get attached, osuke realizes how bad its getting, tries to get rid of the cartridge because he wants to focus more on actual life shit, senpai somehow Manages to come back (i explained the whole plot im so mad)

the first one is where like. osuke constantly has to move schools due to his parents travelling for work a lot. eventually he just decides to settle in with his sister and just attend the last year at the hs senpai goes to or whatever.

osuke is A COMPLETE LONER!!!!!!! HES A FREAK!!!!!! and HATES MAKING FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!! and senpai is just like Holy fuck whats up dude hey whats Up hey and just gets Ignored by osuke entirely which Pisses him off because how dare you ignore the most popular guy in School?????

so senpai just. Continuously tries to bother him so they Can be atleast Friends. Wgich OSUKE he fucking hates it because hes like "waaahhh waaahhhh whats the whole point its not gonna last waaahh waaahhhh"

but he manages to soften up and get used to it which THEN causes their initial friendship or whatever.

senpai obvs isnt gonna let all that work go to waste as soon as he became close with him Because He Realized How fucking Annoying Osuke also Is but he doesnt Mind jt because at first they are #Besties

they kinda have some sort of like "lets make fun of people together" bond Becsude They Are both Pieces of shits except one of them is popular snd another one is just Bitter and A Loner

Im not too sure how they got together yet, i hsvent decided on it. I'm kinda leaning towards the side where senpai is conflicted with these sorta feelings and isnt sure How to actually say it to Him because. Wow! Being friends with a loner? Already Damaged your View on others! And then WANTING TO DATE HIM??? WOW!!!!!!!

plus with the fact that like they most def have some sort of complexity between eachother where osuke is hella fucking jealous about his social status at school whereas senpai is SUPER SUPER SUPER jealous about osukes just. way of not Caring about what people think of him (he foes care he just tries to not let it bother him too much) (it bothers him but he doesnt say it outwardly) (he has a lot of internal shit stuck in him)

its like????? kinda tense but also not????? like the frustration fuels them both in a way if that makes sense (like their love for eachother?????? i dont know)

id like to think there wasn't just a confession it was more so pf just a awkward like, "oh shit we're pretty close, oh fuck wait hold on youre doing this rn????? dude youre kisisng me whay the fuck????? dude??????? are we like a thing now what?????? hellow??????"

i know that senpai would Probably Want there to be a confession originally but osuke is actually too fucking dense to connect two and two together (mainly due to the previous factor of him not really having much friends + having to move on so quickly and Not really processing it fully)

i just really like intimacy between them i think its really sweet seeing it 🦭

thats all i can really think of rn so ill wrap it up enjoy this big ass thread about me talking about my stupid guys i apologize again

#submassed #oc x f/o #oc x canon #osuke (oc)#senpai friday night funkin #senpai fnf #im so sorry guys #big post #ramblings #lore thing

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1d1195 · 2 months

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Never say sorry for expressing your feelings bestie! I completely understand where you’re coming from especially from this feeling of being “behind” on life! There are so many internal and external factors that contribute to this feeling! On paper and maybe to everyone else you’re have a nice life but they aren’t the ones living it. I think that there’s pressure to hit certain milestones at certain ages or feel specific things at a certain point in our lives but honestly we all have different goals in life! As well as just living completely different lives that at various paces!

Like tbh with you I thought I would be happier in life rn when I think about myself a few years ago! And it’s very hard for me to grasp that but that’s bc I have this “idea” of what my happiness SHOULD like instead of finding or doing things that genuinely bring me joy! So I know it can be hard to stop comparing yourself because I do the same thing too especially when I’m spiraling! You’re not alone in this and there’s no shame in expressing these feelings EVER!!!

I love you Sam!-💜

Omg I spent so much of my 20s unhappy. I didn't even KNOW I was unhappy. But I just woke up one day in February of 2022 and was like "this ain't it." I'm definitely happier now than I ever been. Realistically, I think I was unbelievably happy from 14-20ish/21 it was like I was a zombie just trying to get through the day. (I don't count covid because no one could have predicted that).

Honestly, the probably is I'm extremely jealous of everyone around me getting houses and having kids. I've mentioned it before but I've ALWAYS wanted to be a mom (like I wanted to start having kids when I was 23 fresh out of college--what an idiot) but I grew up on the poorer side of the aisle and I FELT it as a child. I have a lot of financial anxiety as an adult and I refuse to do that to a kid. My parents did what they could--it wasn't their fault. There's a lot of intricacies/happenstances to it and I know I won't be perfect either but I'm not starting on the wrong foot. So I want to feel financially stable before I have a kid and it's just like EVERYTHING I do is wrong. Can't catch a break kind of thing. Idk. It's probs my own fault for being passionate about being a teacher 😂 I'd make a lot more $ elsewhere. But the point of saying all this is that I feel so behind because if I don't have a kid soon my parents flat out aren't going to get to know them. And I feel like I'm reaching a point where if I don't foresee myself having kids in the future I really don't know what my purpose would be 🤷‍♀️

ANYWAY sorry for ranting that was a bit heavy it's a big deal to me and I've been thinking about it a lot more and more. Especially because family gatherings are all about marriage and babies now and it's SO much pressure. It's all my coworkers talk about. It's just exhausting. It's like I don't have a choice but to think about it. But regardless, I really am happy. There's a lot I haven't gotten a chance to do that would be harder to do if I did have a kid and I look forward to those things. The world is just really hard right now.

I know it doesn't sound it but I am really TRULY happy these days (with the exception of hormonal issues once a month) but jealousy for a life I don't have is VERY real and very frustrating.

Sorry to put this all on you, please don't feel like you have to respond to it I know you've got your own stuff and you are young and have many years of fun and excitement to look forward to! Even though I said I was unhappy for some of it I think college was some of the BEST years of my life, truly. I felt at HOME there--I didn't want to leave and I'm a HOMEBODY so for me to want to stay away from my mom was a REALLY big deal. I miss it a lot and it was tough but I would time travel right back to 2014 and do it again--maybe even exactly the same way too. So if you're not feeling happy right now (or as happy as you feel you should be) you're totally going to and your own advice is very wise. It's not linear and it's going to be different for everyone 💕

I'm just a sometimes-grumpy 28 year old hahahahah

I LOVE YOU!!!

xoxo

#💜

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ego-morior · 7 months

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I'm stuck.

God, you would think the feeling would go away once you hit 30 but it will probably take me 30 more years to realize feeling stuck is just something very human that happens to humans.

I've been debating going to therapy recently, just to get a third person point of view on the feelings I harbor. Someone without bias to validate certain things and point out the flaws of others. A different pair of eyes to take a look at all the puzzle pieces I have yet to combine together across the table. Someone with enough experience to point out that there are a few missing edges that I will never recover and that it's okay to stop searching for them. Maybe hearing it out loud from someone else won't hurt as much as when I whisper it to myself in the middle of the night on a random Tuesday.

Something you learn a little later on, is that writing things after a breakdown and not during one, will always be easier to digest on an empty stomach. The rage, sorrow, fear and anguish have simmered down into a stew that isn't bubbling violently over the edges. When it's finally warm enough to sip from without burning your tongue, that is when you should pick up the pen. And that's exactly what I'm choosing to do now, on a cold morning in November.

November 8th, 2023.

I have quietly wept during the past days and loudly sobbed during the past few nights. This is the first morning I don't wake up with a wet pillow and the first time I can drink my coffee and listen to something silly online that has nothing to do with my life. Maybe it's the seasonal depression or the timing of Snapchat memories that has claimed victory to my senses this year. About two weeks ago, I gave up on a love I hadn't heard from in three years. The first year apart, I carried the yearning in the front pocket of every flannel I wore, the second year, I kept it in my purse, far enough where it wasn't part of who I was anymore, but close enough if I ever needed it. The third year, I kept those feelings in a small box in my sock drawer. And now, I have accepted the fact that they have no place in my home or in my life, because the idea of a "maybe one day," has lost it's meaning as time marched forward.

I spoke about him in passing, but I never really emphasized his importance in my growth. Maybe one day, I'll tell you about him, but for now just know, that the person I thought was my other half, was nothing more than a simple tease from the universe. There are several hundreds of articles on how to identify a soulmate or a soul tie. How to know "they're the one" etc. Something silly to give a lost existence some sort of made up trajectory to feel better about yourself for not being able to find a definitive path. But what they don't tell you, is that once your sense of escapism finishes, you feel more lost than before. Because directly afterwards as your feet move forward, your head keeps looking back at what could have been, what might have been, the 'where did they go?'s or the 'what are they doing now's and you don't focus on what's in front of you. The moment you stop looking back, you realize time has continued on and your feet have taken you somewhere you don't recognize.

Here I am, somewhere new, but only mentally and emotionally.

A different man I had a small chapter with, became a father this week. The man I spent almost a decade with, my very first relationship, has purchased a large home on an even larger property with a new wife. A couple of childhood friends have gotten married and made families. Time has moved on, and the frustration I have felt these past days is that everyone seems to have proof that time has moved on. Everybody, except me.

I wondered if maybe I was jealous of them, while I cried and sobbed and screamed uncontrollably this week. I couldn't put into words how every image was a punch in the gut. Some have wondered if maybe I missed my ex, or maybe I wanted to be the third baby-mama of the man who taught me how to love my own body. But I feel nothing towards them in particular and I didn't have the words to explain the anguish I felt to those who tried leaning an ear my way. The emotions felt deeper than just missing or yearning somebody from my past, but the explanations that came out of me only seemed to lean in that direction.

But the pot has finally simmered.

And I can finally put into words what my heart and mind have been begging to express.

I hate that everyone I have known, then and now, has proof that time has moved forward. A new home, a new baby, a new wife in a new place in a new stage in life takes time and energy. These kinds of things don't just happen. I have an apartment, a car, and a small position as a glorified cashier in a store.

I don't have a published book, or a new relationship to flaunt. I don't have a well-paying job or an upcoming vacation I can plan to run away from the feelings I pretend I don't pack in the suitcase I carry with me. The passage of time has always been the antagonist of my life and oddly enough, all it does is its job.

And it does it well, and it does it for everything and everyone else.

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mackenzielovee · 3 years

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ambivalence part thirteen: heaven and back - rafe cameron

a/n: hi my loves. i hope you enjoy this one! leave me a comment and let me know. this series only has one or two parts left!!! :)

Summary: You wonder what's important to Rafe, and he proves to you what really matters.

Warnings: swearing, underage drinking

Word Count: 4.7k+

series masterlist

my writing

Rafe doesn't text you the next morning. You lay in bed for an ungodly amount of time, debating on texting him first, except you have no idea what to say. You really have no idea where you stand with him at this point.

You gather yourself and get to work, sighing in relief when you enter the back and find Topper digging around in his locker and fixing his hair at the same time. You walk up to him and groan, throwing yourself up against the locker beside his dramatically.

"I screwed up," you inform him, not caring about how vague that statement is.

"Apparently, I did, too."

"What?" you ask, turning toward him.

"Had a little chat with your boyfriend this morning," he says, eyes trained in his locker instead of you.

"He called you?" you say, trying to ignore the pit in your stomach.

"Oh, yeah," he nods.

"What did he say?"

Topper frowns, then closes his locker and looks over at you, "It wasn't so much what he said. It's what he implied."

"Well, what did he imply?" you ask, growing impatient.

"I think he would prefer if I didn't comfort you when he's thousands of miles from us," he says, grin threatening to form at the ends of his lips at the thought of Rafe being jealous of him.

"You're kidding me," you say, already reaching for your phone, "That's ridiculous, Topper. I'm gonna-"

"No, you're not," he says, plucking your phone from your hands, "I'm assuming you two got into it, judging by the way he sounded."

"Still, he had no right to drag you into it," you protest, reaching for your phone.

"He's just displacing his frustration," he assures you. You raise an eyebrow.

"Displacing his frustration? What are you, a psychologist?"

He laughs, "No, you just learn a thing or two when you've been analyzing Rafe Cameron's moods all your life. Trust me, he didn't mean anything by it. Just blowing off steam the best way he knows how."

"By yelling at you?" you question.

"No, by not yelling at you."

You frown, opting to not respond. You open your locker and shove your bag in, ignoring Topper's pointed glance.

"Honestly," Topper continues, "I think he's just mad at the situation. Not you."

You slam your locker shut, "Top, you know I love you, but I really don't think you should be any more involved in our relationship than you already are. Rafe should be saying this stuff to me."

"I agree. But, remember, he's never done this before. Just take it easy on him, okay?"

You just nod, not wanting to completely agree because you're feeling heated. Topper peels himself off of his locker and starts toward the door, leaving you to figure out your shit on your own.

You don't hear from Rafe until you're walking out of work. He's calling at the perfect time, and you're surprised he remembered what time you'd be getting out of work. You take a deep breath, letting it ring for a minute before you pick it up.

"Hello?" you question, irritation present in your voice.

"Hi," he replies easily.

"Hi."

You climb into your car, phone pressed to your ear by your shoulder as you await his response. You can hear him sigh, but you don't acknowledge it.

"How was your day?" his voice is thick, and you wonder if he really cares.

"Well, I'd tell you, but I wouldn't want Topper to get another angry phone call if you find out he spoke to me today."

"Fuck," he mutters under his breath, "Look, Y/N-"

"I just don't understand, I mean, I told you last night that I didn't want to hang up until we fixed things, and you totally blew me off, and then you call Topper and-"

"Settle down, sweetheart," he stops you, "I didn't mean anything by it. I just was calling to ask him about your run-in with Marco, and yeah, I may have expressed that I didn't necessarily appreciate, y'know, his comfort. But, it's not like I went raging jealous boyfriend on him. Relax."

You sigh, throwing your head back against the headrest, "Please don't tell me to relax, Rafe. This is so messed up."

"What's messed up?"

"This!" you repeat, "Us. I don't know. I spent the whole day thinking you were mad at me because I didn't hear from you."

"I told you, I had a meeting this morning."

"Yet, you found the time to call Top and berate him for being there for me," you say, voice heavy with sarcasm.

"I did not berate him," he protests, "But, I am sorry I didn't text. I had a really busy day. I never intended to worry you."

The words comfort you, even though you still can so blatantly feel that he's thousands of miles away.

"So, you're not? Mad at me?"

It almost sounds like he chuckles before he answers, "No. I'm mad that I'm in the fucking Bahamas."

"Me, too," you mumble, "But, it's where you need to be."

"Wrong."

"Wrong?" you question, furrowing your eyebrows together.

"Where I need to be and where I am are thousands of miles apart," he informs you, voice somber, "I miss you."

"I miss you, too, Rafe," you say, wishing you could see him smile, "And I'm sorry about yesterday. And about your sister, and-"

"You have nothing to apologize for, baby. I shouldn't have jumped on you about the Sarah thing. You had every right to react that way after everything she's done. This distance thing, it's going to get a little frustrating. But, I'm sure you're well aware by now, I'm all in. If you are."

"Of course I am," you say immediately, "I just really, really miss you."

"I'm about to book a flight. You can't keep telling me that."

"Sorry," you grin, listening to him laugh on the other end.

"So," he starts, muffling the phone as he attempts to get comfortable on his bed, "Tell me exactly what Sarah said."

Rafe gets better at communicating with you for exactly a day and a half. He forgot to call on Monday night, which, although you hate to admit it, made you cry. You never thought, when you watched him get on that jet, that it would be this hard to not have him around. Mostly because everything between the two of you had been great before he left. Now, you feel as if you can't suck in enough oxygen to keep your heart pumping.

On Tuesday night, when you're walking out of work, you find a missed call from Rafe on your phone. You quickly dial him back, listening to the phone ring and ring before going to voicemail. When you climb into your car, you toss it on the floor of the passenger side out of frustration. You debate picking it up before you leave, just in case he calls back, but you realize he probably won't and you leave it there.

You call him Wednesday morning, getting the same amount of rings and then listening to the automated voicemail message on the other end. While you're in class, he calls you back. You can't pick it up, but you stare at his contact photo and do your best to keep your finger off of the accept button. You finally get ahold of him Wednesday evening, even though you had to excuse yourself from the dinner table and the glare of your parents, to pick up.

"Rafe," you say when you answer, almost worried that it wouldn't actually be him. The last time the two of you spoke on the phone had been Sunday evening.

"Sweetheart, finally," he groans, "So good to hear your voice."

"Rafe," you repeat, "It's been three days. This is crazy."

"I know, I'm sorry. But, listen to this. I secured a deal with that Davis guy I was telling you about. Closed the deal over lunch today. It was fantastic. I called my dad, he was over the moon."

"I'm happy for you," you say, trying your best to mean it.

"Marcus and I are going out for drinks to celebrate. I don't have a lot of time to talk-"

"Really?" you interrupt before you can help yourself, "This is the first time we've talked in three days, and you're already ready to hang up?"

"That's not what I said," he speaks calmly.

"It's starting to feel like calling me is more of a chore to you. And I hate to say that, Rafe, I do, it's just, you call when I'm in class or at work and you know I can't pick up-"

"I'm sorry," he stops you, annoyance becoming prevalent in his voice, "I forget about the time difference."

"This is too hard, Rafe," you sigh, throwing your head back on your headboard.

Rafe doesn't respond for a minute. When you open your mouth to speak, he says, "What does that mean?"

"I don't know," you say quietly.

More silence. You can practically hear him swallow as he tries to think about what the best thing to say is.

"You're supposed to be getting on a plane to come here tomorrow. It wouldn't be this hard if we were going to see each other."

You laugh incredulously, "I'm sorry I couldn't make that happen for you, Rafe."

"I'm not blaming you-"

"Sounds like it to me," you snap, "I have to get back to dinner."

"Okay," he speaks slowly, "Can I call you later tonight?"

"Don't say you're going to call if you're not going to call."

"I'm going to call," he insists, his voice weak. He almost sounds ready to cry.

"Don't if it's late. Time difference, remember."

"What time is too late?"

You sigh, "I'll just talk to you tomorrow. I feel like going to bed early, anyway."

"Okay," he says again, and you close your eyes at how fragile he sounds, "I love you. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Okay."

He pauses and so do you, neither one of you hanging up yet. You start to pull the phone from your ear when he speaks again.

"Please, say it back. I think I'll lose my mind if you don't."

Even with the frustration, the annoyance, and everything in between, your heart still melts at the words. You sit up in place, then swallow, "I love you, Rafe."

"Thank God," he mutters, "Goodnight, baby."

"Goodnight."

The next morning, you're too exhausted to even think about Rafe or the situation at hand. With no message from him when you wake up, you get ready for school and head out the door before you can let yourself get upset. Once you arrive at school, you sigh in relief when you find Topper waiting on you.

"Did he call?" he asks, eyebrow raised.

"Oh, he called," you grunt, walking past him and expecting him to follow.

"Oh, no," he sighs, "How did he screw up, now?"

"It's just-" you stop yourself, spinning around to face your best friend. You watch his expression change when he sees your face, how upset you really are, "I never expected it to be this hard. Things were so easy before he left, and now, I just don't know."

"You mean, you don't know if he's the right fit for you?" he asks, choosing his words carefully.

"No, that's not what I'm saying," you say immediately, "He's- he is everything I have ever wanted and then some. And he's doing a great job down there, he's doing everything right. I'm so proud of him-"

"So, I'm not understanding what it is you're unsure about," Topper says, "Because it sure as hell can't be how much Rafe loves you."

You bite your lip but don't speak, trying to figure out how best to explain your hesitations with the way Rafe's been lacking communication with you. You're concerned, but you don't know how to say that in the right way. Topper groans loudly, throwing his hands up on your shoulders.

"Look, I'm never going to tell you how to feel, okay? About anything except this. I have quite literally thrown up on several occasions that I've been with Rafe because of how sickening it is that he only has eyes for you. It's so annoying. I mean, this one time, we went out for Kelce's birthday, and this super hot girl came up to Rafe and-"

"Topper," you narrow your eyes at him.

"Um, sorry. Anyway, he spent the whole night asking her for advice about you. And she even tried to help him! He wound up getting super drunk when she told him he had to tell you about his feelings, then he fell into the bushes in his front yard-"

"Topper," you repeat, exhaling loudly.

"The point is," he sighs, exasperated, "He loves you more than anyone has ever loved anyone else. I can promise you that. And I know for a fact that if you tell him to come home, he'll be on the next flight out. So, if it really is too hard, you have options."

"I can't tell him that," you shake your head, "It's only about two more weeks. I can handle it."

Topper raises his eyebrow, unsure if you mean that or not. You shrug his hands off you shoulders and start walking into the building, knowing he will follow.

"I think you should at least tell him you're having a lot of trouble."

"I have. We both get frustrated with each other and then cut the call short because we don't want to talk about it."

He swallows, nodding as if he's trying to stall as he thinks of something else to say. Another solution to your situation.

"It's two more weeks," he ultimately decides to agree with you, "You're going to be okay."

You speak with Rafe briefly after Thursday night dinner. Neither of you bring up the distance or the time left in his trip. You merely talk about each other's days, then you tell him that you have a lot of homework and he lets you go.

At dinner, you and Sarah exchange a few glances across the table, but no words. You know you have to address it soon, especially with Rafe's words spinning around in your head. But, tonight is not that night for you.

You and Topper both work Friday night. You're surprised when you walk into work and find Topper already clocked in, sitting at the bar and chatting with Scott, who has a wide smile on his face and a beer bottle in front of him.

"Excuse me," you come up to the boys, bag still on your shoulder, gesturing toward the bottle in your brother's hand, "Who gave you that?"

"Relax, Y/N," Scott laughs, pressing the bottle to his lips and taking a sip.

You move your glance to Topper, who is also smirking wide, "It's a beer, not a loaded weapon. He's fine."

"He's underage," you correct, "By a lot."

"Relax," Scott says again, "You should have one, too."

"I'm working, you idiot," you roll your eyes, reaching for the bottle. He snatches his hand back, smirking at your failed attempt.

"Come on," Topper pushes you back inside, "Let's at least clock you in so you get paid to harass our customers."

"Scott is not a customer," you remind him, "And why the hell are you letting him drink? You know how I feel about-"

"Yes, I know you want to protect him from everything evil in the world," Topper rolls his eyes, "But, he's celebrating."

"Celebrating what?" you scoff, shoving your bag in your locker.

"He did a really nice thing, and now he's having a beer, like a normal person, to celebrate."

You furrow your eyebrows at your best friend as you tie your apron around your waist, "What the hell did he do?"

"I can't tell you that."

"Topper," you frown, "He's my brother."

"Yeah, and I promised him my mouth is zipped," he says.

You roll your eyes and sigh, then make your way out of the swinging door. You're fully ready to go back outside and fight Scott for his bottle, but when you make it to the door, you spy him sitting at the bar, chatting, drinking, and laughing with Sarah. Your jaw drops as you stare, feeling Topper approach behind you.

"Please, don't rip her hair out," he whispers, "She actually helped Scott with his good deed."

"If you're not going to tell me, I'm going to ask him," you say, meaning for it to sound threatening, but Topper snorts in response.

"Be my guest."

You open the door and rush over to the bar, stopping beside Scott's chair. Both he and Sarah turn to look at you, Sarah giving you a small smile and sipping on her mai tai.

"Are you here to ID us?" Scott snickers, intentionally sucking his beer down just to make you mad, you're sure.

"I want to know what you two are so giddy about," you motion between the two of them, "And what this thing you're celebrating is."

"All in due time, sister," Scott smirks.

You raise your eyebrow at him, then look to Sarah. You almost want to say you'll put the past in the past and she can redeem herself now if she tells you the truth, but that's a big thing and you're not sure it's worth that.

"Sarah?" you try, but she shakes her head.

"Sorry," she smiles, glancing at Scott before she continues, "I've been sworn to secrecy."

"Hey, guys," you hear behind you, spinning to find Kelce approach and sit down at the bar next to Sarah.

"What are you doing here?" you ask him, looking at Topper, who is now standing behind Kelce, patting him on the shoulders.

"I thought-"

"He's thirsty," Topper interrupts him, "Aren't you, Kelce?"

"Yeah, a little," Kelce shrugs, "But, isn't-"

"Shut up," Topper offers, hitting him even harder on the shoulders. Kelce's eyes widen, then he nods.

"Got it!" he says victoriously.

"What are you guys-" you start, but Topper raises his hand and steps over to you.

"I think we both need to check on our tables, huh?" he says, guiding you away from the odd gathering of people at the bar. You look back, finding Scott, Sarah and Kelce all sharing knowing glances.

A hour goes by. You watch the group continue to sit, laugh, and drink, almost as if they're waiting on something. Topper goes over and talks to them every time you're busy with a table, and you start to wonder if it's intentional. Eventually, you're able to corner Topper when he's inside, inputting orders.

"I want to know what's going on," you say.

"Y/N, I have no idea what you're talking about," he says, staring at the screen and biting his lip.

"Cut the shit, Top, come on," you grumble, "Why are they all here? What's going on?"

He sighs and glances at his watch, holding his breath when he sees the time. You watch his shoulders tense up, then he silently finishes inputting his orders. You're about to speak again when he turns to you, taking your hand.

"Come with me."

You frown but do as he says, figuring if it will give you an answer, then you're okay with it. He drags you back out to the bar, stopping once the two of you are standing with Scott, Sarah and Kelce once again.

"About that time," he mumbles to Scott, who nods.

"What time?" you groan.

"Can you not ask so many questions?" Scott groans, "Just enjoy this time with us."

"No," you frown.

"God, sometimes I wonder what Rafe sees in you," he jokes, shoving your shoulder lightly.

"Thanks," you mutter, "Seriously, why am I out here? I have tables-"

"Jess is covering," Topper tells you.

"Why? I'm not splitting tips with her-"

"Oh, my God, please, relax," Scott groans, throwing his head back against his shoulders, "We're trying to do something nice for you, and-"

"Something nice?" you raise an eyebrow, "You think coming to my place of employment, drinking underage, and dragging me away from my tables to chat is being nice? My, God, Scott, you have a really twisted sense of what being nice is-"

"Y/N," Topper stops you, voice gentle, as he flicks his eyes to the other side of the deck.

Your heart drops to your feet. You can barely hear Scott snicker and mutter under his breath, 'finally'. You feel your mouth start to fall open as he drops his duffle bag onto the deck, running a hand through his messy hair. His eyes are tired, and frankly, he looks like he just woke up.

But you've never seen a better sight in your life.

"Oh, my God," you whisper, "Rafe."

You feel as if he's a mile away when you start over to him. He looks hesitant, almost fearful, as you stare at him, like he can't get a read on your expression. Your heart is beating out of your chest; the desperation to feel him, smell him, touch him, completely overwhelming. His eyes never leave yours as you approach, but he speaks once you get closer.

"Sweetheart, please don't be mad. I just couldn't do it anymore, and I heard-"

He stops when you throw your arms around him, tears already spilling as you take him in. Although it's only been two weeks, it feel like a lifetime. He wraps his arms around you and pulls you impossibly closer, burying his face in the crook of your neck and squeezes you as if his life depends on it.

"Oh, my God," you say, sniffling, "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I couldn't, baby," he says, and although it doesn't make sense, you know exactly what he's trying to say, "Too hard. Can't lose you."

"Rafe," you say, tears hitting the back of his neck as you squeeze him, "You're crazy. That trip was important-"

"No," he stops you, "You're important. There will be other clients, other trips. Besides, Ward went down there to finish up. Everything is fine."

Your heart melts in your chest as you hear his words, hugging him even tighter. He lifts you up off the ground, listening to you laugh in his ear and swearing it sounds like heaven to him. Everything that mattered five minutes ago means nothing to you, now. It's just you and Rafe.

"I can't believe it," you say when he finally sets you back down, pulling back to look at him, make sure it's really him, "I can't believe you."

"Believe it," he grins, "I got an SOS message from your brother and was on the next flight out."

You turn around in Rafe's arms, finding Scott holding up his beer bottle at you with a smile. You grin and shake your head at him.

"Rafe," you sigh, running your hands up and down his arms, "I don't want you to think I couldn't handle it. I don't want you to have come home and wrecked things because of me."

"Not because of you, sweetheart," he frowns, "For you. You're just going to have to accept the fact that I love you too much to stay away."

You smile up at him, swearing in that moment that you've never been more in love with anyone and you never will be again. He reaches up and tucks a piece of hair behind your ear, giving you a sad smile.

"Speaking of," he continues, "I hear you were having some doubts about my feelings for you."

"No doubts," you shake your head, "Just... hesitations."

"I think those are the same," he smiles, but you can still see a hint of sadness on his face, "Regardless, I obviously screwed up if you're questioning it. So, I'm sorry for being a complete airhead while I was gone. I'd say it won't happen again, but it probably will."

You grin, bringing one hand up to his cheek, "You weren't an airhead."

"A dumbass, then."

"Rafe," you say, voice serious, "I love you. So much."

"I love you so much, too, baby. Promise you that."

He leans down and kisses you, pulling you into his chest once again. When neither of you pull away, you hear the group behind you all start to protest.

"Okay, Cam, there are siblings around," Scott yells from the bar.

Rafe pulls away but doesn't so much as look their way, just smiles down at you. Kelce shouts for you all to join them, most likely wanting to drink with his best friend that he hasn't seen in two weeks.

"It would be totally rude if we left right now, huh?" he asks you quietly, eyeing your lips once more.

"Yes," you nod, "Plus, I'm technically still clocked in."

"I think Marco's going to give you the rest of the night off," Rafe grunts, scanning the deck as if looking for your boss.

"Rafe," you give him a warning glance.

"What?" he asks innocently, "I'm just going to have a word with him."

"Please, don't."

He shakes his head, clearly still not pleased that your boss hadn't given you the time off and made you upset. He reaches down and takes your hand, then grabs his duffle bag off the ground with the other.

"Forty-five minutes. Max," he mutters, guiding you toward the group.

"Thirty," you say back.

"Twenty," he decides, leaning down and kissing the side of your head, "But, you have to sit on my lap the whole time."

"Deal," you grin.

He smiles back down at you, then turns to greet his two best friends. You step over to your brother while Rafe chats with the boys, throwing an arm around his neck.

"You called him home?" you question him.

"It was a split decision. Top, Sarah and I all discussed it."

You flicker your eyes to Sarah, who looks hopeful. You give her a small smile, then turn back to your brother.

"You shouldn't have done that," you say, but you know you don't mean it when you see Rafe with a huge grin spread across his face.

"Yeah, we should've just watched you suffer for two more weeks," Scott rolls his eyes, "Y/N, we all talked to Rafe about it. We tried to be unbiased, just to tell him what was going on with you, but when he heard about the conversation you had with Top, he made his mind up. There was no stopping him. This is what he wants. Stop stressing."

You smile, giving your brother a hug the best you can while he sits on his bar stool. When you glance over to Sarah again, you find her watching you.

"So, you helped get him home?" you ask, your voice gentle.

She nods, "I convinced Ward to switch with him. It really wasn't that difficult."

You're sure she's full of shit, but you don't call her on it. Your eyes flicker up to Rafe, who is watching you speak to Sarah out of the corner of his eye.

"Thank you," you tell her, "That means a lot."

"You're welcome," she smiles.

Rafe pats Topper on the back, moving him out of the way and coming over to you. He leans down, pressing himself against you and whispering in your ear, "Time's up."

"That was not twenty minutes," you say, and then wonder why you're objecting.

"That's correct," he nods, "But, the reason I came home really needs me to kiss her right now, and apparently I can't do that in front of siblings."

You grin, wider than you probably ever have in your life, "I'll go get my bag."

Rafe looks up past you, finding Marco carrying a tray of food out on the deck. His jaw tightens, and so does his grip around you.

"Take your time," he mutters.

You step inside and hurry to the back, clocking out and tucking your apron into your locker. When you walk back out on the deck, Rafe is walking away from Marco, who sports a fearful expression. Rafe smiles when he sees you, reaching out for your hand.

"Let's go home," he says, laying a kiss on your temple before he leads you out of the Club.

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munku-collar · 2 years

Note

I’ve seen multiple people recommend reading your post about the bi erasure in the cats fandom but I can’t find it, do you have an approximate date so I know how far to scroll or any other help finding it cause I want to read it 😔😔

I'm flattered so many people are recommending my posts omg 💀 You're not finding any posts though because they're less coherent PSAs and more me flinging out words in anger and justified rage randomly, so they're incredibly difficult to find. I'll try to sum them up here, as well as a few connecting issues. Extremely long post!

Fandoms in general, and this fandom is no exception, have a misogyny and biphobia issue and the two are definitely intertwined. Male characters always get more attention, more development, more love and fanart and content than female characters, even from the canon creators. The queens are constantly overlooked or flat out removed from the narrative to make more room and give more attention to the toms. I test this theory a lot and I've found that a cast photo of a tom will absolutely get more notes than a photo of a queen, and even in group photos, if there is a queen in the photo it will get less notes than a photo with just toms in it.

Regularly I find queens removed from narratives or having their established dynamics with another character, especially a tom, eradicated or extremely downplayed and relegated to loose friendship in favor of shipping that tom with another tom. I've seen this happen with Munkustrap and Demeter, Rum Tum Tugger and Bombalurina, Plato and Victoria, as well as with Demeter and Macavity, among others. Repeatedly the female romantic interest is pushed aside so the man can be shipped with another man. No one denies certain toms having chemistry, but the women get pushed out of the picture entirely or become props for the new ship, and that's really disheartening.

And many claim to headcanon several toms, like Munk and Tugger, as bisexual. But here's the thing: their female love interests get ignored. It's like 'yes they're allowed to be bisexual, but only be in same sex relationships.' People completely erase their established attraction to women, and spoiler alert: being bisexual means being interested in more than one gender. Yes Rum Tum Tugger is a bi icon!! But he's only allowed to be in love with Misto. He doesn't love Bomba. Yes Munkustrap is bisexual! But he's only allowed to be in love with Misto, or Alonzo, or Mungojerrie, even though he and Demeter clearly have something going on.

It's this constant pushing away of female characters that's frustrating. Because a lot of bi people enjoy poly content, and we'd love to have poly ships for our favorite characters, but instead the women are always pushed aside and ignored, and as a woman myself it's very frustrating. It feels alienating and unwelcoming. It's like women don't have a place in the fandom, and neither do bisexuals.

There's a major problem in society when it comes to bisexuals in general. You're always pressured to "choose a side." Either you're gay or you're straight. Everyone wants to ignore the fact that you're both. That's the whole fucking point. And you're alienated from both communities. You're not gay enough, you're not straight enough, you're just stuck in the middle by yourself. So seeing that choice forced upon people in fandom content too, and always in favor of the gay side and basically shaming the straight side is really hurtful. Intentionally or not it makes people feel bad about themselves and about the content they enjoy, as well as how they fall in love with people in real life.

And on the off chance the women are mentioned at all in dynamics or narratives, their personalities are often skewed to an unrecognizable degree. In times past Bombalurina has been portrayed as a petty, jealous bitch in order to justify Tugger choosing Misto instead. Oftentimes Demeter gets portrayed as wimpy, frumpy and self conscious, when she's quite confident in her sexuality and is very brave despite her anxiety. Why aren't female characters allowed to exist as they are? This problem honestly applies to male characters too, especially when they get put in ships. Not only do they frequently have their bisexuality erased but their fundamental personalities get skewed too. This happens to Misto frequently, and the same can be said for Macavity. Fundamental character elements get stripped away for the sake of mlm ships. This is not an opinion, this is a fact, and nowhere is double standard more clear than when it comes to the fandom's treatment of Macavity.

He is either made such a dark, irredeemable monster that no one should ever speak to him, or he is made to be a good guy who enjoys family and kittensitting and having a good time. Neither are accurate, and both treatments are applied in order to create gay ships. The first, naturally, to create wump and dark ship content, and the second to create unrealistic fluffy scenarios where he's the perfect lover. That's acceptable in itself, if acknowledged as an AU, but here's the issue: Neither of these options are ALLOWED when the ship in question is Macavity/Demeter, aka his only canon love interest.

Demecavity content gets swept under the rug or sometimes outright disdained. My second week in the fandom I made a post about a passing thought of the last time the two were together romantically, and how conflicting it must have been for Demeter. I got an angry ask in my inbox accusing me of having r*pe fantasies and supporting toxic relationships and that I was fucked in the head. My realistic interpretation of a toxic relationship where one partner knows they love the other, but must leave for their own well-being, a concept that is frequently encountered in real life situations and indeed in my own life, is deemed 'fucked up' and unenjoyable simply because one of the love interests in question is a woman. Because NO ONE ever makes these arguments against the myriad of mlm ships for Macavity. Gay Mac ships get applauded and frequently reblogged and fawned over. My Demecavity posts get around 10 notes AT MOST. It's the double standard for me. Mac is allowed to be romantic and adored and shipped as long as it's a tom he's shipped with. If he's shipped with Demeter, it's toxic, it's taboo, and it shouldn't be spoken about. That's messed up! It's incredibly messed up and a source of frustration for me daily. What is even the point? What are people trying to say? That women can only be victims and aren't capable of having complicated attractions? It's dehumanizing.

And unsurprisingly it isn't just male characters getting their bisexuality stripped away. WLW ships are rare in the fandom, especially if you're searching for fan content, but even in that sub community biphobia runs rampant. Say Demeter and Bombalurina get shipped together. It immediately becomes "look at these sexy man-hating lesbians they're so cool." Or Victoria. "Look at this gorgeous little lesbian she would never be with someone like Plato." Once again the subconscious (or honestly, BLATANT) idea that being gay is better than being straight or bisexual is propagated. These are all characters that have sweet, fun and interesting dynamics with male love interests. WHY are they not allowed to be attracted to men and women at the same time? Why is it always immediately one or the other? Why is it so hard to work with a character's established canon instead of ripping it away and putting something else on them? Acknowledging that Demeter finds Munkustrap kind and charming and that she has a place for him in her heart would absolutely NOT interfere with her being in a loving relationship with Bombalurina. Rum Tum Tugger getting heart eyes and butterflies whenever he sees Bombalurina would NOT make him unable to have a loving committed relationship with Misto.

There seems to be this underlying, almost fanatical insistence upon monogamy, specifically gay monogamy, beyond the normal definition. A character is only allowed to EVER be interested in one other character their entire life. They are not allowed to find anyone else attractive or have a crush on them ever, especially if they're of the opposite gender. Which ties in the hatred of polygamy aforementioned.

Claiming to headcanon so many characters as bisexual should mean that poly ships are way more popular than they are. Cats is the perfect vehicle for something like this! Just watch the damn show! Within the first 15 minutes you see Munkustrap have a tender moment with Demeter, and an equally tender moment with Alonzo. Munkustrap jumps to protect Demeter from Mac, and Alonzo jumps in to protect both of them. Why is it such an insane concept to think that the three of them could be interested in each other? And especially with the tribe being portrayed as very communal, even when it comes to taking care of the kittens, it honestly makes sense that there would be poly partnerships.

Even beyond strictly romantic relationships, I can imagine quite a bit of co-parenting or queer-platonic relationships in the tribe. But all of that gets ignored in favor of a myriad of mlm ships that may or may not eradicate a character's bisexuality. Non-ship content is difficult to find in the fandom as well, and is often overlooked. I've seen some incredible fanfics or drabbles written about characters like Gus, or plenty of fanart simply portraying a character that isn't easily shipped or is less favorably shipped (like the older queens for example) get ignored or significantly less notes than a gay ship piece will.

I'm not saying this out of hatred; this is a fact. Search the new posts in the Tuggoffelees tag and compare the note count of several posts there to the note count for new posts in the Demestrap tag. There is a MAJOR disparity, despite Demestrap being the canon other big relationship in the show. And if you make a post just about Demeter, or even, I've noticed, depending on the type of ship post you make, you're liable to get less notes. If I make a Demestrap post that is about Demeter fawning over Munk, it gets more notes than if I make a post about Munkustrap fawning over Demeter. There is just this inherent disdain for female characters! I don't understand it!

And once again, just a post about a female character in herself (or just a male character alone) and discussions about their characterizations or headcanons about THEM and not a relationship they're in get less attention. It really gives the tone of "a character is only good for shipping," which is not how it should be, especially when that shipping erases their canon attraction preferences and personalities.

Bisexuality is not the enemy. You can put a bisexual character in a same sex relationship WITHOUT completely erasing their canon ties. I promise it's possible, and people need to start doing so more often. People need to examine how they approach shipping and characters in general, and take a good hard look at their content, and decide how to move forward more inclusively. Because as a bisexual woman of color, I'm getting really, really tired of feeling left out or lesser in every community I step into.

There's probably more to say, but this is all I can think of for the moment. I hope whoever reads gains a bit of insight from this. This is not meant to demonize mlm ships, this is to bring to attention the problematic approach people have towards them, and the mistreatment of all characters in the fandom. Everyone is allowed their fun, but if that fun repeatedly injures others, conscious effort should be put to rectify that. That way we can ALL have fun together. Because at the end of the day, creating and consuming fanwork is meant to be fun, and if you're constantly having your connections to your favorite characters, such as bisexualty, stripped away or intentionally or unintentionally being deigned inferior, it's not fun for anyone anymore.

No one says you need to ship a certain ship either. We all have our preferences. I certainly have mine. Just be more conscious about how you treat other ships, or characters around your favorites. A character you might not think much of could mean the world to someone else. Just treat it all with respect.

I will not be entertaining arguments or opposite opinions. I am a marginalized person and I refuse to have my experiences invalidated or spoken over. Don't agree, simply keep moving.

#and no this will not go under a cut actually #people need to read it #asks #cats the musical #cats 1998 #my shit

30 notes · View notes

dasywritingblog · 3 years

Text

CRUSH AT THE PREMIER

Scarlett Johansson x reader

Words: 2356

SCARLETT P.O.V.

I'm driving to a caffe down the street to meet up with my longest time best friend (y/n) and as usual I forgot my phone, why everytime I have to meet with (y/n) I get so nervous and forget even my name? Well maybe it is because I have a major crush on her since, how can I say it, well forever probably is the word I'm searching for.

Waking up from my thoughts I park the car and rush to the enter where I see (y/n) impatiently checking her phone.

(Y/N): Where the hell were you? I called you something like five times I thought you were dead!

She says hugging me, I chuckle nervously and hug her back.

SCARLETT: I may or may not have forgotten my phone at home, but anyway is nice to see you too miss finesse.

(Y/N): Oh come on Scarly don't turn into a good girl now.

I blush at this statement and try to hide it laughing and pushing her throward the door.

SCARLETT: Take that fine ass of yours inside I need for my coffee.

(Y/N): Yes ma'am!

We sit at a table and we start talking about what happened in the past month since we didnt have much time to hang up cause we have been super busy with work. I told her everything I could about what happened on the set of Avengers Endgame: funny story, some bloopers and some spoilers as well, but nothing too big since neither I know whats going on in that movie, yep Marvel is very good at keeping secrets.

(Y/N): When is the premier Scarly?

SCARLETT: Tomorrow night and actually I wanted to ask you something about that

My hands got sweaty and I started to panic. What if she says no or she finds out I'm in love with her? Scarlett Ingrid Johansson, you take a breath and ask your best friend and crush to go to the premier with you whether you want it or not! I probably get lost in my thoughts for a while since (y/n/n) is waving her hand in front of my face.

(Y/N): Hellooo? Land to Scarlett, are you here?

SCARLETT: Yeah, sorry I...I zoned out for a sec.

(Y/N): I noticed. Scarly now please answer me sincerely, are you ok?

I frowned at her question.

(Y/N): Don't look at me with that face, you can fool anyone but not me. You've been weird since you arrived today, then you want to ask me something and zone out. This is not you, whats going on?

I take a deep breath trying to gain time.

SCARLETT: Im fine (y/n/n), just a little bit stressed for the premier tomorrow. You know it'll be the first time I'll be there alone and I guess this is stressing me out

(Y/N): Awww don't worry Scarly you'll be amazing as always.- she says taking my hands in hers smiling at me- You're the strongest woman I've ever met and I'm sure that walking on a red carpet alone is not gonna break you down.

I blush at her words and lower my head shaking it a bit.

SCARLETT: The problem is not standing alone on the red carpet, the problem is the presss questions and the scandal that not having a partner for this event is gonna create.

Her smile dropped. She understands what I mean and she knows how much I got stressed when the press spread fake gossip about me.

(Y/N): Well I'm sure we can find someone inclined to accompany you or...

I raised my head at her or and saw the fear and embarrassment on her face. I dont know what happened to me at that moment, but suddenly I felt super confident and the words came out of my mind without me noticing.

SCARLETT: Or you can come with me as my date.

My eyes widened as soon as I realized what I said and I started to panic even more. I try to focus on the bright side of this thing but right now I can't care less about the fact that I practically confessed to my crush, I'm too scared of her reaction. My train of thoughts and paranoia stop rushing when I hear (y/n) laughing.

(Y/N): Your face is sooo funny! Seems like youve seen a ghost!

I try to force out a laugh but it dies in my throat before it can even get out of my mouth so I limit myself at smiling.

(Y/N): You know I wasn't thinking about me when I proposed another option right Scarly?

I nod sadly.

(Y/N): I was thinking about that Colin Jost... But if you want me to be there with you I'll cancel my date night with my couch and Netflix and come with you!

SCARLETT: Really?

My eyes lit up when she agreed to come to the premier as my date. I was so excited and happy as if a burden had been lifted from my shoulder. I jump out of my seat and hug her tight.

SCARLETT: Thank you, thank you, thank you!

(Y/N): Yeah, but don't get too excited I'll only do that in order to see the movie before anyone else.

I stop hugging her and go back to my seat putting on a childish pout and faking to be offended by her statement.

SCARLETT: For what you said you'll have to choose the dress on your own and come to pick me up tomorrow at 5pm.

(Y/N): No no no no. I was joking, girl, chill down! I obviously agreed to come cause youre my best friend and I don't want to let you go alone.- she said scratching the back of her head in facking embarasmen- Now please help me pick a dress!

I burst out laughing at her begging and she joined me soon.

SCARLETT: Ok (y/n/n) well go pick a dress now, but please learn how to plead cause you suck!

We get out of the caffe laughing and wondering about what will happen tomorrow night like two girls going nuts the day before the prom.

TIME SKIP TO THE RED CARPET

I'm walking side by side with (y/n) down the red carpet and I've never felt more powerful in my whole life. For the first time I'm standing in front of the press, journalist, photographer and I don't care about what they're saying and what they'll say tomorrow.

Down the path we stop for some photos and interviews. And I noticed (y/n) tensing and shaking when people ask her questions. Without thinking too much about it I hold her hand rubbing my thumb over the back of it trying to calm her down.

SCARLETT: If it's too much for you I can take you inside the theatre and come back out here alone.- I whisper in her ear.

(Y/N): No it's ok, I'm a little bit overwhelmed but I'll be fine. Just can you hold my hand?

SCARLETT: Sure thing hon, everything for you.

I see her blushing and that makes me smile.

We are now in the theatre and the movies have been going for a while already when I realize that the scene of Natasha's sacrifice is coming up. I shift in my seat trying to get comfortable and ease the stress. I know this scene would come, I mean I shoot it, but it's sad anyway cause after I played Natasha Romanoff for 10 years I can say that she is part of me now.

As soon as the Widow jumps down the cliff the theatre is filled with gasp and sob. Every member of the cast looked at me shocked since no one except Jeremy knew that. Robert, who was sitting at my left lean near me.

ROBERT: You hide it to us for all this time?

SCARLETT: Feige's order.

I hear a sob coming from the person at my right, so I turn around to see (y/n) crying in her seat. That view makes my heart clench, she is so beautiful and precious even with tears rolling down her cheek. I stare at her for a while before she notices and grabs my hand holding it tight in search of comfort. When our hands touch I feel my stomach flutter and my heart skip a beat, we stare at each other's eyes and without realizing we both start to lean in closer without breaking eye contact. My heart was beating so fast and my mind was wandering freely imagining how could (y/n) lips would feel against mine.

Our magic moment was interrupted by a flash coming from the screen we woke up from our state of trance and back off blushing in embarrassment.

TIME SKIP TO EVANSS PARTY

(Y/N) P.O.V.

Me and Scarly are at a party hosted by the one and only Chris Evans. I've lost Scarlett in the crowd so I make my way to go get another drink. If I have to be totally honest I lost count of how many shots I've had, but drinking helps me forget about the problem and right now I have a big problem to take off my mind.

I still can't believe that me and Scarlet had almost kissed each other early in the theatre, but most importantly I can't believe I want it to happen again! She is my best friend and I shouldn't have those thoughts about her. I shouldn't wish to kiss her, but here I am.

The night went on with Scarlett chatting with her cast members and me drinking shot after shot till I practically passed out on someone which at the moment I don't remember the name, my head hurt too much for thinking. I slurred an "I'm sorry" while trying to get back on my feet.

BRIE: Here let me help, youre too drunk to stand alone.- she said while helping me stand still.

(Y/N): I'm not - hiccup- that dwunk -hiccup.

BRIE: Yeah and I'm a member of the Queen.

I stare at her for a while.

(Y/N): Ohhh, that's why you seemed familiar!

BRIE: Ermmm ok. Are you here with someone?

I pointed to Scarlet who was talking to some girl and that view made me jealous. She is mine! The girl member of the Queen walked me to Scarlett and whispered something to her. After that my bestie excused herself from the girl she was talking to and rushed to me. We walked out the house where the party was going on in silence and got in the car where I passed out.

I wake up at Scarlett shaking me violently.

SCARLET: We are here but I need you awake I can't pick you up with this stupid heels.

I nodded and focused my attention on keeping my eyes open. Scarlet helped me get out of the car and walk to the door where she made me lean against the wall while she searched for the key. We finally got inside the house, I threw my purse on the floor and leaned on a table falling asleep.

SCARLETT: No that's not the bed hun come on, we have to take you upstairs then you can sleep I promise.

She struggles at makinkin me stit up since I'm not cooperating much, but I'm too tired to move or even think. I look at Scarlett and notice that she is standing between my legs while Im still sitting over the table. In this way I was way more taller than her so I managed to look at her and notice how embarrassed and frustrated she is right now. I lost myself in her beautiful eyes for the second time in a day and before I even noticed we were leaning in eachother again.

SCARLETT: Fuck this!

Her lips crushed on mine in a very passionate and loving kiss which I gladly responded to. Its amazing, our lips complete each other like two pieces of the same puzzle. I lost myself in those kisses and I didn't even notice that Scarlett had picked me up and she is trying to walk to the staircase without interrupting our magical kiss.

Eventually our lips came apart and as if nothing happened she took me up to a room and put me to bed pecking my lips before I passed out definitely.

TIME SKIP TO THE NEXT MORNING

I stir and roll in the bed trying to remember what happened last night. I wake up and look around noticing that this is NOT my room. I sit up quickly causing my head to hurt and I notice a glass of water with some pills near it and a post-it on the nightstand. I pick the note and read it:

"I got you some pills and water, they'll help with your hangover. There are some of my clothes on the chair put them on then come downstairs I'm doing pancakes

-Scarly❤"

I start to get dressed trying to recall at my mind what happened after the party when something hit me. ME AND SCARLETT KISSED!

I fall on the floor tripping over the bed sheet, I stand up again and start going downstairs rubbing my sore back. When I entered the kitchen I saw Scarly focused on not burning the pancake. I walked behind her, slid my hand around her waist, hugging her and kissing her cheek.

(Y/N): Morning love.

SCARLETT: Look who decided to wake up!- she said kissing my lips- How are you feeling?

(Y/N): Me good, my ass not much since I fell on the floor.

We burst laughing and sit at the table starting to eat breakfast without the need to talk about what happened last night cause both of us know that we wanted it for a long time.

Love you you all and be safe

Dasy 🥰

#scarlett johansson x reader #the avengers #marvel #girls who like girls #actor x reader

114 notes · View notes

severelytalentless · 3 years

Text

History Part 1

Jealous!Gojo x F!Reader x BadBoy!Getou

I got tangled up with this yarn ball of a love triangle for a hot second. It's long and a little angsty, I'm not completely sure I like it.

But here it is. Hope it hits well.

18+ content: sexual scenarios & strong language, exhibitionism, dubcon, public fingering, semi-public sex, dirty talk, angst

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(don't leave - (throttle remix) snakehips x MO)

"Oh shit, I'm so late.."

The sound of your alarm clock melded with your dream and failed to wake you up. Instant panic jolts through you when you see the time, you rush to fling yourself out of bed.

“FUCK!”

You yelp as a strong arm wraps around your waist, yanking you back. You collapse on top of him and proceed to smack and pry at his forearm to let you go. His mischievous giggle under the covers only makes you more frustrated.

“I swear to God! Satoru! Let me go, I am so late!”

He squeezes harder and begins dragging you under.

“Late for what? Makin’ me breakfast in bed? Oh bunny, you're so thoughtful!”

You try to hide your giggle with an aggravated groan and an elbow thrown somewhere near his ribs.

“You're such a shit! I'm serious let me go, NOW!”

You don't have time for this. It's like he's been on a mission to make you late in one way or another to every class these days. Trapping you in bed all morning, kidnapping you for lunch, holding you hostage between classes, keeping you up way too late for extracurricular activities. You really can't complain, you have so much fun with him, but your grades are starting to catch up with you.

He'll try to convince you it's no big deal; that slacking off is what seniors are meant to do. But it's all gotten really stressful. Especially the History test you've spent zero time studying for. It's all fun and games until you have to answer for late assignments and failing marks.

You tumble off the bed as he groans in dramatic agony and releases you. You flail around the room collecting your things and dressing all at once.

“You're no fun..who needs History anyway? The past is boring, you should be living in the present..with me..in this bed..” you roll your eyes at his wiggling brows and his attempt at a sexy pose. In all honesty, it's not a bad attempt. His messy bed head and half-covered naked body are very easy on the eyes. But damn it, if you miss one more class because of this handsome fucker, your GPA is completely screwed.

“Toru, I have to go to class...where are my glasses?”

You button your shirt and pull your hair into the best bun you can. He sighs and points to your dresser. You snatch them and run for the door, hopping as you pull your shoes on.

“Call me when you're done being teacher's pet.” You shake your head and squint at him as he winks and blows you a kiss. You rush out the door leaving him to flop down on your bed alone. He frowns at the ceiling.

Why do you have to be so perfect and responsible? Why do you have to take such early classes? Why can't he have you all to himself? And when the hell did he get so tightly wrapped around your finger like this?

Something changed at the party. After he saw the effect Suguru had on you. He's felt this need to keep you closer. To somehow win you over. If he just stays present in your life. Maybe you'll want to stay a little longer. Maybe you won't choose him instead...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(you get me so high - the neighbourhood)

The bell rings as you're halfway up the stairs. Shit, you hate walking into class late. Especially since it's become your new habit. You get so flustered when everyone turns to look. You straighten your outfit and fuss with your hair before opening the door.

All eyes are on you. Deep breath. You quickly scan for an open seat and try to look casual. Fuck. Usually, there are a few to choose from but since the test is next week all seats are taken, except for one. And it's in the back...next to him.

You try not to make eye contact but it's unavoidable. He's already looking at you with a smirk and pats the seat before you take it. You quickly pull out your notes and get down to business, pretending he doesn't exist. He snaps his gum and leans on the table, turning his head to obviously look at your averted gaze.

“Do you mind?” you whisper sharply, jotting down a note.

“Not at all, I like the view..” he snaps his gum again. You huff and keep writing. He leans over, looking down at your notebook. You look up and furrow your brows at him. He raises an eyebrow and your cheeks flush immediately, mind flashing back to what he did the last time you scowled at him. How firmly he yanked on that leash...

His grin pulls wider and you turn away quickly.

“Please..I really need to focu-”

“You missed a button..” he slips his finger between where your shirt is parted and your hand flies up to stop him, tossing your pen in the process. He hums as he reaches down to retrieve it. You rush to secure your shirt closed and huff a sigh. You really really need to focus.

He taps your pen on your notebook and mutters in your ear.

“You really shouldn't let him keep you up so late. You're gonna fail the test..” he drops the pen and looks forward to the lecture. You snatch it back.

He's not wrong. He leans sideways to your ear again.

“But we both know you can't get enough, can you..” his words bring the vivid image of his heavy cock laying hard on his abs to the front of your mind and you shift in your seat to try and ignore the sudden throb in your core.

Fuck. This is exactly why you've been avoiding him since the party.

Gojo is enough of a distraction for you. Throwing Getou into the mix would be completely disastrous.

Yet...

You can't deny what the thought of him does to your insides.

You had always been into the dark intellectual guys before Gojo fucked his way into your heart.

But Gojo had been adamant that he didn't want anything serious between you from the start of your fling.

So perhaps getting to know Getou a little more wouldn't be-

Holy Fuck.

His hand is on your thigh...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(champagne & sunshine - PLVTINUM)

You stifle a gasp, train of thought being forcefully derailed by his touch. Your heartbeat pulses in your cheeks at the intrusion, and it only gets worse as he starts to tease the hem of your skirt up your leg.

Panic sets in and freezes you to your seat, eyes darting around faster than your racing heart, just waiting for someone to take notice. But all you see are the backs of heads, and your professor is busy writing on the board. You're fairly secluded in the back of the room, the tables are all two seated. He's got you right where he wants you. He keeps his eyes forward and whispers to you.

“Shh..settle sweetheart..don't fuss...they'll know..” you clutch the top of your notebook, keeping your heavy breaths as quiet as you possibly can while he feels his way to the heat beneath your skirt. He leans his elbow on the desk and rests his chin in his palm, examining the fluster in your eyes. He hums and rubs his middle finger along your clothed slit. Your teeth dig into your lip to trap a whimper.

“You’d better pay attention..I bet this’ll be on the test..” an evil smirk crawls across his face. He watches your brows furrow, desperate eyes begging him to stop. He shakes his head and rubs in on your clit. Pleasure spurs your core, helping to release your jaw and the hot breath that follows. You drop your head to suppress your arousal. It doesn't work.

“Open your legs..” his gentle voice is laced with some kind of poison, something that just makes you weak. You hum a little moan and stare at your notebook, shaking your head as subtly as possible.

“Suguru...please..” your whispered plea is met with a low chuckle, his fingers push in harder, you whimper.

“Spread. Your. Legs.” he growls through his teeth, the pressure is just too much, you exhale and slowly widen your knees under the table. Your cheeks are so hot you must be glowing at this point. He can feel your slick wetting your panties.

“Good girl. Now. Keep taking notes..” he smiles and nods to the lecture as his fingers pull aside your panties and gently touch on the soft skin beneath. He taps your pen on your notebook and raises an eyebrow.

“Fuck..” it's so hard to keep your composure, or your legs spread like this. How does he expect you to take fucking notes?!

“Oh, don't worry, I'm gonna fuck you later..but right now you need to focus..” the words make your walls clench and you hide your moan with a little cough. He lays your pen into your hand and helps you position it on the paper, all the while teasing his fingers around in your slick, just playing with your arousal.

This is all just a fun little game for Getou. Watching you struggle to contain yourself is really turning him on. Even more so since you could get caught. You've been playing so hard to get since the party. But the cat is out of the bag, he knows there's a kinky little freak underneath this teacher's pet facade you've got on. He saw the lust on your face when he and Gojo fucked you raw, relished how you sank to your knees and swallowed his cock. You're a good obedient slut and he intends to treat you as such, regardless of how Gojo feels about it.

You manage to spell out a few words before he starts rolling your exposed clit around under his finger.

"Oh my god!" The hushed moan comes out a bit louder than you thought it would. You grip the pen while your other hand flies over your mouth. You lean on the table and try to hold still, but your flinching hips give you away. You hear your professor stop talking and clear his throat.

"Excuse me, Ms. L/N, is there a problem?"

Fuck fuck fuck...his fingers are pressing harder.

Adrenaline mainlines through your system and your stomach twists up into a sickening knot. You smack the table and look up in a panic. Getou gives your poor clit no relief as you force out a response.

"NO! No..I'm..fine..just need to go to-unh-the restroom..please.."

You squeeze your knees back together just as everyone turns to look at you. He finally removes himself from between your legs, leaning back in his seat, smiling while he watches you quickly stand and flatten your skirt back down. You hurry down the aisle past the curious faces of your classmates, escaping into the hallway.

You fall back against the door and pant. You've never been so flustered. You take a deep breath and walk to the bathroom where you splash some water on your face and look hard at yourself in the mirror.

What the fuck was he doing? Why were you letting him do it? What the fuck has gotten into you?!

Who are you fucking kidding?

You liked it.

For all your protesting and fear of being caught, that made you so fucking wet, made you feel dangerous and naughty. You reach down and smirk, feeling how damp you are, rolling your eyes at yourself. Damn it, he's so bad.

You walk back into the classroom and try to ignore the prying eyes that follow you to your seat. You stare him down as you approach. That smirk pulls onto his mouth again and he pulls out your seat. You huff a breath and get back to your notes.

"That was close, huh?" he whispers after a few minutes. You keep your eyes on your notebook, surprising him with your little smile. He knew you fucking liked it.

You both sit through the remainder of class, sexual tension bristling between you, thick up to your necks. You look up at the clock, the bell is about to ring. You have a free period before your next class. You place your finger on his notebook and drag it away from him. He tilts his head and gives you an amused curious look as you jot something down. The bell announces the end of class and chairs begin to scrap on the floor, books rustling into backpacks. You slide it back to him and stand up quickly with your notebook in hand. He watches you saunter down the aisle and out the door without another glance his way. He huffs a laugh and looks down at what you wrote.

west wing hall closet. right now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(over - honors)

“Does Satoru know how bad you want me?” he growls the question into your neck. His hand catches your throat, and he thumps you back against the door. You bite into your grin, shaking your head.

"You're so fucking naughty.." he squeezes a little harder, he leans into you, licking up your neck. Your head falls back and you giggle.

"He doesn't need to know." you hear him groan and he bucks his hips against you, his other hand tugs your skirt up. You help him by hooking your fingers into your panties, pulling them down, smile still plastered on your blushing face. He lets go of your throat.

"That's my girl.." the purr in his low voice tickles your throbbing core, you moan and run your fingers up into his hair while he kisses down to your collarbone. He quickly undoes his belt and you land a kiss on his neck, sucking and biting down a little, making him grumble as his buckle hit the floor.

Suddenly, you hear your phone ring in your bag on the floor. You pull your mouth off him and realize immediately who's calling. So does he.

"Answer it.." he smirks, stepping back and nodding down at the bag. You drop and pull it out. You hesitate, settling your breath before opening the call.

"Hi Toru," Getou palms his bulging erection. You try to keep your voice calm and natural, but you're immediately distracted by the heavy cock that falls from his briefs before you.

"Hey bunny, are you done with class?" Getou strokes it, staring at your reaction.

"Uh..yep, all done.." his cock is so hard and swollen, precum is already leaking from the tip. Your walls tighten inside and you absent-mindedly lick your lips.

"Come meet me at the cafe, I owe you coffee after keeping you up so late..” you can hear the playful smile in his voice as Getou starts to close the distance between you. He grabs your leg and lifts it up to his hip. You grip his shoulder to steady yourself. You feel the tip of his cock prod at your slippery entrance and gasp.

“...hello? Y/N, what's wrong?” Getou’s grin widens, hearing Gojo’s voice through the phone. He pauses to let you come up with a reply.

“Nothing, I just..left something in the classroom, I'll meet you for coffee in-” your knees go weak as Getou cuts you off by driving his cock up inside you with no warning. Your head thumps back into the door and you cuss at him silently, shuddering as your unprepared cunt struggles to adjust to his abrupt entrance. He just grins and leans his hips into you harder, pinning you to the door with his cock.

“Hey I think you're breaking up..when will you be here?” you're too focused on the sweet stretch to answer and Getou plucks the phone from your hand.

“She’ll be there when I'm done with her..”

Your heart drops to the floor, your phone quickly follows. The look on his face is far too satisfied. He pulls back and ruts into you, punching your cervix and rattling the door, you let out a helpless mewl. Guilt and anger curdle with the arousal inside you and make you feel sick.

“What the fuck Sugu-oh!” he fucks into you harder, not giving you permission to admonish him.

“Shut the fuck up...don’t act like you don't want this...you fucking asked for it.” the door shakes on its hinges as he rails up into you, fucking you off the floor. You can't help but wrap your legs around his waist and claw at his shoulders as you sink down around him.

You wanna be mad, wanna tell him to fuck off and leave you alone. That was totally uncalled for. But the way he's plunging into you, fucking you absolutely senseless has you exchanging all your protests for moans. Everything about this is wrong, you just don't have the will to stop it. You feel your gears shift up closer to your orgasm and groan as he pummels you against the door.

“You like being a bad girl..It's written all over your fucking face..” he takes a mental picture of how the stain on your cheeks compliments your gaping drooling mouth and rolling eyes. He feels your cunt squeeze his cock, willing him to give you more.

“Admit it, you're bored of his dick, he can't stretch you like this..” he throws his weight into you forcing you to squeal and nod, you can't deny it.

"Sugu-ru..I-I..'m gonna..oh fuck I'm-ha!" your hair comes loose from the bun and tumbles down around your shoulders.

He rocks his hips and stirs your insides, pressing his pelvis tight against your clit. The pressure makes you weak. Fuck, you're close. Your nails dig into his skin through his shirt. He leans in, breathing heavily over your ear.

“I know you're about to cum..I can feel it” that growl just makes you want to scream, but you've gotta keep quiet, who knows who might pass by the other side of this door. He keeps grinding into your clit, digging the head of his cock deep against your cervix. You slap your hand across your mouth for the second time today, muffling your own lusty noises. You're so fucking close.

“Should I let you..” he stops moving and you whimper, moving your hand off your mouth, squirming to continue the friction. He runs his fingers through your hair and grips tight at the back of your neck. Your strained desperate little sounds are so cute. He clicks his tongue.

“No..I think I'll keep this one for later..” your cunt clings to him as he pulls out his still hard cock, leaving you needy and vacant. He drops your legs from his hips and you're left panting against the door, watching him casually buckle his belt and tuck in his shirt. You don't know what to do. You feel a rush of shame. He doesn't care about you. He never cared about you. He just likes playing with you.

“Better pull yourself together...Satoru is waiting for you.” his wicked grin sends heat to your face and you pull your panties back on, straightening your skirt. He picks up your bag and you scowl at him, snatching it back and turning in a huff to leave.

This was a huge mistake, and now you have to come up with something to tell Gojo. Your heart sinks like a rock in your chest as you open the door. Getou reaches from behind you, pushing the door closed and leaning over your shoulder. He curls your hair behind your ear and you flinch away.

"Fix your hair.." you hastily spin the bun back on your head.

"Fuck you.." you curse him under your breath and storm out of the room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(woman - harry styles)

"Toru..I-" he scoffs into his coffee cup before you can even start your sentence. He leans back in his chair and avoids your eyes. You stand clutching your notebook, heart racing, palms sweating. You hate this so much.

"No, it's cool..Did you have fun with him? I bet he had fun with you.." the sharp sarcasm stabs at your heart, but more than that, it makes you prickle with anger.

"How dare you.." you're seething mad, but he can see the tears welling up in your eyes.

"I'm allowed to do whatever the fuck I want with whomever I choose! This isn't a relationship, so don't act like I'm yours!"

You've never seen him blush before. Never seen pain in his eyes like you're seeing now. You just saw the sparkle go out. He remains silent, choking on the hard but honest truth of it all. You're not his, as much as he's been pretending you are.

The seconds pass like hours. Your breath gets heavy trying to hold back the tears. The guilt is eating you alive. Being with Suguru made you realize that your feelings for Satoru are so much different than you thought. So much stronger. And you just threw it all away for some stupid little thrill in the hall closet.

He stands from his seat. Your heart feels crushed and you huff a whimper. You shut your eyes, pushing tears over your lashes. This is it, he's gonna walk away. You don't wanna see it happen.

You pull in a sharp breath at the feeling of his arms around you. He sets his head down in the crook of your neck and squeezes you into his chest. Tears stream down your face, you can't stifle your cry.

You hear him take a deep breath...

"Then I'll make you mine.."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@himiko-omikami @darkrose1989 @angelalje @ambiguous-something

#jjk x reader #jjk smut #jujutsu kaisen smut #gojo satoru x reader #gojo x y/n #gojo smut #getou x reader #getou x y/n #getou x you #getou smut

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enjeolmii · 3 years

Text

10 questions - p.sh

synopsis: to ask questions isn't too bad. but to end up doing something you never expected from the intention behind every question? way better!

genre: fluff, slightly suggestive

word count: 2.4k

warnings: make out sesh (not written in depth), lots of teasing but it’s all playful you nasty

"Next question! Did you like anyon-"

"Hey, hey, hey! What are you doing? I'm supposed to go next." Sunghoon blocks you with an audible tap on the soft mattress, tsk-ing at your smooth but not slick enough scheme to get more answers from him.

It's a Saturday - the day of the week when assignments, works, chores, and duties are temporarily thrown down the window. On these days, you and Sunghoon go on a carefree date. It's a routine you made once a week to maintain your relationship amidst the setback caused by lockdown, and it was going great.

At a time when real interactions between people became an inappropriate thing to do, and everyone turned to technology as a resolution, you made sure that everything is done by Friday, despite it being so dreading, just so that procrastinating wouldn't be a problem dragged over the next day. And when those pressuring times occur to you, you would send each other texts, exhorting to go easy on yourselves. That's why Saturdays are the only thing you wait for every week. You weigh it up as a chance to see the only light that keeps you going, the one that helps you see clearly the path you are taking in this obscure world.

So here you are with Sunghoon in your bedroom, sitting on the bed and leaning on the wall beside it, covered in your blanket as you cuddle under the warm, comfy covers. The day has been an uneventful one. If not for him reminding you of the conversation you had prior in the week, where you asked him to gather questions he had for you, you would have slept the whole day over without accomplishing anything.

"Fine, what's your eighth question?" You admit, frowning at his attentive remark, and he snickers.

He lifts his phone and scrolls through the questions he has saved in his notes. "Have you ever had a dream about me?"

Your eyes roll around with a finger on your chin, recalling the scenarios you had of him. There were many, some surrounding the time when he decided to confess to you, and most of them came from the fantasies you had of him. Those dreams scare you more than the stare of a fiery lion. It almost even feels illegal to think about it because you aren't well over twenty. Though they were just outlines of you and him kissing innocently, you always end up making out at the end of the story.

You weren't one of those twelve-year-olds who've had their first kisses already. Your mother kept a close eye on you in situations like this, so you would rather make out with your pillow than hear her nagging your ears off. Because of that, you grew up as a child unbothered by her love life, and the mere thought of kissing someone in real life makes your hair stand up. That's when you knew he brought out a lot of changes in you.

You swallow the lump of saliva in your throat. "Yeah, I have." You answer truthfully but still cautious of the words you put out.

"Really?" His head perks in your direction. "What did I do?"

You got a little nervous knowing he would undoubtedly interrogate you on this. But thankfully, you were prepared with a streamlined answer. "That's three questions, genius," You say, reaching for his head to give it a light smack, from which earns you a groan. "Save your chances for better questions."

"What do you mean? It's a good one. What did you dream about? I want to know."

"Okayy~ Next question. Where is that..." You switch the topic hastily, hands occupied with finding the question you were waiting to ask him through your notes. "Found it. Did you like anyone before me? If so, who are they?"

"That's two questions, though?"

"Nope. Not if you put them together." You smile at him cheekily, and he throws his head back in astonishment, mouth wide open, spewing out breathy wow's.

"You're playing it dirty, I see. Well, I had two other girlfriends before you." He brings his pinky finger out. "One was my sixth-grade classmate, and the other one was my best friend from the rink." He shoots his mouth off to chaff at you yet again.

A stiff frown crawls on your face as you nod at him sarcastically. "Oh, wow. Impressive." You hum in wonderment, silence unfurling in the suddenly insipid room.

Sunghoon knew you weren't easily irritated by these circumstances. If he were talking to a random girl on the street, more often than not, you would only think of them as one of his fans from the arena, nothing more. Even if he had to accomplish things with a girl in his class, you trusted him very much with your relationship to doubt him in his actions. And so, seeing you hush after a talk like this...

Of course, he would take it as a chance to play with you.

"Aww, is my precious little y/n jealous?" His voice sharpened one octave higher as he pats your head with a pout and mock sadness in his eyes. "What do I do? I kissed them, too."

You were okay with him having two other ones before you, but at the mention of a kiss, your figure skews his way. You weren't sure if he was hoaxing you or not, but to say so honestly, it troubled you. This wasn't the intention you had with your question. All you wanted to get out of it was something to tease him about when he says he has none, yet it was still you who got ragged of your own query.

However, that's beside the point. Was it necessary to point out those last words? It wasn't you to be agitated over something as dispensable as this, but of all things, why did he have to attack your weakness?

Sunghoon's sounds of laughter tear you away from your thoughts. "Got 'em~" He pulls a finger at you in another fit of laughter, seeing you in a state of total shock.

"What the heck? It was a lie?" You pull away firmly from his body, hitting him on the shoulder with force enough to make him wobble on the bed.

"You fell for it." He provokes you, head bouncing up and down in silent titters, and you smack his hand away, leaning back down on his shoulder.

"No, I didn't," You feel him nod abut your head, seeing mentally what teasing expression he has plastered on his face this time, but you only shrug it off. "Which part was the lie, though? You kissing them or being with them?"

"Can't answer that. Save your chances for better questions, cutie."

"Touché," You scoff. "What's the next question?"

"Well, since we came to the topic of kissing... When was your first kiss?" He converts his stare to a peer of glistening fervour. Though not as subtle as he would have probably wished it to be, you could sense the perceptive intent he was hiding behind his tone.

You render motionless. Never did you tell him anything about your dreams, nor would you ever have plans to tell him. It's a product of your wildest imaginations to feed your untold desires. It's what helps restrain the ungodly in you, but it also fuels you with the need to see what it actually is like. It's a continuous internal war going on in you, its purpose being to stop you from creating trouble for yourself. And now that you finally have him here, not going to lie, it's kind of embarrassing to acknowledge the profuse amount of dreams you had of him, moreover that he stole your first kiss... Except it was in your dreams, literally.

"I never had any," You answer, trying to stay as cool as possible. "I'm a good child who listens well to her mother, so don't think no one tried to hit on me once. I turned a lot of them down." A small smile trudges its way onto his face, but the way his eyes were fixated on you remained untypically the same.

"I don't know if I should be happy that you picked me out of all of them or be sad for those 'poor hearts' you broke." He draws an air quote along with his words, and you shake your head at him. "Don't worry. I won't tease you on this one. I just wanted to know." He mumbles quietly through a simper, moving to rest his head on yours.

Hearing that he'll cut you some slack relieved you, but one thing about his utterance caught you off guard. "Why do you want to know that?"

"That's the only way I'll get to know you deeper, Einstein," He retracts his head and nudges you on his shoulder, causing you to bump your head against its edge, a grunt following you. However, while you were still in the midst of justifying the whack he did on your head, he spins his vision to you in an adventitious celebration. "Oh- that's your tenth question, then!"

"Wait, hold on!" You haul over to straighten your posture, the creaking of the bed barely audible from the loudness of your opposition.

"It's my turn again." His eyes grow invisible from his cheeks, pushing it up into a smile. He just never gets tired of making fun of you. How you wish you could do the same to him. If only punching someone straight in the face denotes no wrongdoing, you would have done that ages ago.

"Bitch, why did you answer that?" You call him, blaming him with the irritation that you weren't able to control yourself.

"You ask, I answer. Isn't that how it goes?" He grins at you matter-of-factly, and you tousle your hair around in frustration.

"Ugh, you're crazy," You send glares up his way. "Whatever. Your last question, throw."

As if that was a signal he has been waiting for, Sunghoon shuts his phone and tucks it in his pocket. "How does it feel to kiss someone?"

You were confused. You just said you've never kissed anyone before.

A dry giggle leaves your mouth after much processing. You knew you shouldn't have trusted his words. No matter what you do, he'll find the cracks and holes to slip in his every jest. "I think you got the wrong person, kid. How do you think I'd know?"

"Hmm..." He drones, the ticking sound of the clock suddenly increasing in volume with every minute passing by. "Should we try it, then?" He suggests.

"What?" You were taken aback, a sudden chill sweeping through your body like a surge of cool air gashing through the enclosed room. What is he going on about?

Inch by inch, you feel him gravitate towards you, your torso backing up from his inclining frame until the warmth you caused on the cold wall completely presses against your back. Like the fire of a gun's bullet on a steady path, your heartbeat raced in a trice. His eyes stared at yours, tracing down to your parted lips as he led his other hand across your body, trailing up your arms to your shoulders, just until it reaches your jaw. Your breath hitched, lips shutting tightly as you gulp down at the presence of his queer boldness.

It's like the scenarios you formed in your head where he pins you against the wall, lips hovering yours with soft breaths that tickle your skin. Him studying your face with obstinacy to make you his, doing whatever it is that would make you happy. Nevertheless, he made sure to be cautious of things you wouldn't want him to do. He still respected you.

He's doing just the same thing, and it's getting you set on thinking whether this is all a dream taking too long to reach its climax or if your dreams are miraculously made into reality. But his next set of words were enough to tell you the clarification to your uncertainties.

"Please don't be mad." Without warning, his lips found their place on your light, pillowy ones. It felt like he was pouring out all emotions he's been holding in until now. He always controlled himself whenever you're around because he didn't want to disappoint your mother. But with this instance is a chance to do something he has long been dreaming of. He wasn't about to lose it.

The way his head tilts to the side to get a more comfortable position, eyes closing and immersed in the pleasure of your lips against his, got you clasping onto your blanket to ease the havoc he's causing in your guts. You froze at the contact. As if time had halted and the world stopped spinning, everything seemed to slow down at that moment. Maybe it was the sweet scent of his bergamot fragrance. Maybe it was the tightening of his grip on your jaw, or perhaps the longing you had for him that's enticing you in this position.

It's not every day that we get to see our dreams come true, and for one, it's a matchless feeling, especially when the dream is worthwhile. Slowly, you give in and close your eyes in the warmth of his touch. His lips parted to bite at your lower lip, and you overtly open your mouth to let him in.

"Do you think you could answer it now?" He questions you, but you couldn't comprehend what he was saying. You were too caught up in your own feelings during the whole session; you almost forgot what happened before it was done. Just when you thought he’d stop pulling out all the hidden quirks of yours, he caught you once again. And it didn't take long enough before you recollected yourself.

"Right. It's way better than I could have ever imagined." You smile at him, giving rise to the same smile as you.

"If this is how it will usually end, maybe I should start gathering more questions for you." He proposes, his head wheeling over to you with sheer excitement.

"Uh-huh... Just make sure you don't catch anything from the streets before you come over." You reply with a cackle, getting off his lap and sitting back down on the soft mattress.

It was supposed to be a dull and boring day. But with another chance that you two meet comes another something to remember forever. And you can't help but grin from ear to ear.

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artbyrivaille · 3 years

Text

Hair ☕

Okay, so at the outset, I would like to emphasize that English is not my mother tongue and I am still learning. But writing is my hobby and I decided that I will try my skills here too, in English, I invite you to write requests, I hope you will like it!

3,5k words!

=================================

She was strong. She was a good soldier, commander, companion.

But she was also a beautiful woman with an amazing figure who was envied by many. Despite being quite short, because she was only five feet three, she had long slender legs. Overall, she was considered a beautiful woman. However, she had short hair.

Her hairstyle was practically identical to Levi's, but no one accused her of trying to look like him, as she was cutting her hair that way long before Ackerman joined the survey corps.

Oh, she and Levi. It was quite a sneaky topic, let alone the rumors around the body. They were often seen in each other's company, people interpreted it differently.

Some said it was just a friendship and a bond they established when Ackermann was part of her branch at the beginning of his career. And the others insinuated the supposed romance of the two. Well the versions were really different, but the truth was that y/n and good captain Levi were just two great friends. The woman was one of the few people who knew the man's past, and shared with him some facts about her. Because they both came from the Underground, however, and managed to get out of there on their own, and not with the help of scouts, as was the case with Levi.

At first they were not very sympathetic, quite the opposite. They had very similar characters, which theoretically should indicate that they will get along well, but that was only theoretically. In practice, they got on their nerves terribly.

But despite this aversion to a man, it was precisely this that helped him the most after the death of Farlan and Izabel. She provided him with comfort, help and warmth. Something no one else could give him. It was thanks to her that he recovered so quickly, and he was in the place where he was at the moment.

At some point their relationship began to take a less formal path. More and more often they stayed at each other's offices, helped each other with Erwin's sentences, that is, documentation. They drank tea together, despite the fact that the brunette was a coffee advocate, she made an exception for Levi and almost completely gave it up. They had similar problems, especially those with sleep, may both of them suffer from insomnia, so when the entire corps was asleep, they sat in the two of them over documents, or simply spent their free time together.

Y/n did not even know the exact moment when she began to care in this other, more intimate way on the short captain. It came overnight. Of course, she was behaving the same as before, after all, she was not some horny teen, but a mature woman, but at the moment when she was going to the black-haired's office, or she just knew that he would see him, her body was flooded with heat. And maybe she wouldn't care so much if it wasn't for the fact that she had short hair.

She loved the short haircut, the long hair simply irritated her and disturbed the soldier's everyday life, but she was afraid that they might be an obstacle to any closer relationship with Ackerman.

***

She sat quietly in her office filling out paperwork for Erwin. She nervously tweaked her hair, which was longer than usual, because every time she tried to cut it, something was getting in the way and that was how it was already quite long.

The silence in the office was broken by the sudden opening of the door through which entered a black-haired man with pliers and a towel in his hand. He closed the door with a bang and set the items on the coffee table, then looked at the woman poring over reports and other documents.

"You have long hair." He said suddenly and walked closer to her chair, and when he was next to him, he entangled his hand in her dark strands. She breathed a breath and leaned against the back of the armchair, massaging her temples at the same time giving herself to the caress.

"I didn't have time to cut them off because of the last expedition, and with all the crap Erwin did, I have more work to do than ever. And Hanji keeps following me all the time and asks if I managed to convince Bushbread to do experiments on titans." She explained in frustration then exhaled her mouth with a whistle.

"Tch, fucking shitty glasses. Come on, rest a little, cut off your hair, and you will give me a haircut." He replied then pulled the woman's chair back and, grabbing her hand, led her to the bathroom. She was so tired of it all that she didn't care, and the presence of a cobalt-eyed woman was calming, so she didn't resist. "Get your hair wet." He gave the order, which she followed by putting her head in the shower and then she wet her hair with a stream of water. Ackermann handed her a towel, which she grabbed and dried her hair.

Let the two go back to the brunette's office, meanwhile she took off her jacket and threw it on the couch, which Ackermann only huffed, but said nothing. She sat down without a word on the low stool that the man had prepared at that time. He ran a hand through her hair a few times and began carefully trimming it.

"Can I ask you a question?" She finally gave up y/n, unable to withstand the silence in the room

"You ask them anyway, so why do you ask me for permission." The bored man replied by which l/n raised the corner of her mouth in a small smile.

"What do you think about women with short hair?" She asked, and black hair stopped breathing for a moment. What the hell was that about? Is this some kind of provocation?

"What am I supposed to think. They are no less feminine because they do not have long hair, their appearance does not define a person." He replied quite neutral, not realizing that he had just kindled a little ray of hope in his friend's heart. "And why do you ask?"

"Because I care about someone, and all in all, I wanted to know your opinion." Ah yes. His heart leapt into his throat, and his stomach seemed to have a 3D maneuvering device. Someone did she like? But who the hell. After all, the only men with whom she spent time was himself, Erwin, sometimes he encountered Moblit in the company of Hanji and Mike. Who could steal her heart enough to make her care about her hairstyle? Probably Erwin. That fucking perfect general.

Maybe Levi didn't have complexes as such, but he was always a little jealous of Smith. He had a perfect body, he was tall, intelligent, had a high position in the military, and he came from a non-poor family. He was nothing compared to the blonde, he had nothing to offer. And he would like so much to have her with him.

"I'm done." He muttered softly brushing single hairs from the woman's clothes. She got up from the stool and unintentionally combed her dark hair. She looked beautiful, but he wouldn't tell her that.

"Your turn." She said and took the pliers from his hand. This time it was he who sat on the stool. He involuntarily smiled under his breath and closed his eyes at the woman's gentle touch. He was literally like a docile kitten. Why couldn't she be his?

***

He had been avoiding her like plague for about two weeks. He was irritated by the lack of a black-haired woman around him, but he knew that if it was like before, he would take the blow even worse.

A blow that would never come.

Y/n really didn't know what she could do wrong. After all, everything was fine, and then overnight Ackerman began to avoid her. Maybe he just got bored?

At first she explained his ignorance with overwork, in the end everyone in the command had their heads off. But when one day in a row she saw him sitting quietly with Petra, she knew it was not it. By the way, seeing a redhead in his company, something broke in her. What did this teenager have that she did not have? Did their relationship really mean nothing to him? So many questions, so few answers.

And this way almost every evening she landed in Erwin's office with Hanji with a bottle of whiskey or vodka, depending on what Smith had in the bar. Erwin and Hange really couldn't comprehend the change in brunet's behavior, and the sight of a really hurt l/n was so pathetic as to be nasty.

And so the next evening the three gathered in Smith's office where they once again debated about the captain's behavior.

"I do not feel it completely, so change the attitude towards people overnight.

I know that our curly pedantic has its own rules, but without exaggeration." Hanji announced, finishing the rest of the whiskey from her glass.

"Maybe something made him do it?" Smith replied, then grabbed his chin.

"Tch, and this thing is called Petra Ral, really fascinating." Black-haired girl summed up pouring herself and Zoe whiskey.

Their conversations were so loud that they interested Ackerman who was just about to make himself a cup of tea. But when he heard three familiar voices, he stood at the door of Smith's office, listening to what was being said.

"Don't take it for granted." Erwin said and frowned by the high concentration of alcohol in his glass.

"So what could be the reason Levi is ignoring me then? Just like logic Erwin, there are two options, or he has something to me and he distorts what is unfortunately but impossible because he always treated me only as a friend. Or he just shoots with Petra, and that's what I believe more. "Did they talk about him? What romance with Petra? And y/n cared for him the way he wanted it, but he's just an idiot and he broke it? He held his breath for a moment and tried to enter the room, but stopped himself and continued to stand still.

"Like it or not, I have to agree with the above. Although I keep my fingers crossed for the first version." Squeaked at the end of the woman, which caused a loud sigh of disapproval from y/n.

"Shut up Hanji, I don't want to hope again for something that will never happen." She growled angry and hurt. She really cared about him. Not on any Erwin, Moblit or Mike, but on him. On a goddamn Underground thief with a hard character and misophobic aspirations. Damn it, don't let this be a dream.

He walked away from the door and headed for his office. He has even forgotten why he left it at all. He sat down at the desk and stared blankly at the sky until the very morning, trying to put everything in his head. He must try to fix what he broke.

***

Like a day like every other day. There was no expedition, no surprises, just an ordinary day in the recon. Well, maybe almost. Because Ackerman had been nervous and a little stressed since the morning. And it wasn't just because he wanted to talk to y/n seriously, but largely because he couldn't find her anywhere. As to spite that day, she sank underground, his only salvation could be Erwin. Which office was on his way to. The evening and dinner time was approaching, so he wanted to come to him before her, to look for the presence of a woman at the last meal, if necessary.

He entered the office without knocking, Smith merely looked up from the mountain of documents he had probably been studying since this morning, then turned him back to the sheets of paper.

"What you want Levi?" He asked breaking the silence prevailing in the room. He was pretty sure why this one had come to him, but preferred not to reveal all the cards at once.

"Where is y/n"? Erwin sighed and then put down his quill and straightened up in his chair. He was afraid of Levi's reaction, but what could he do if the milk had already spilled?

"She went on a mission. She should be back in two or three days at the most." He replied with a straight face in the middle being a bit irritated by the reaction of the black-haired man.

"What mission? And why the hell didn't I know anything about this." Ackerman asked, very angry with the news once again.

"Maybe because you've been avoiding her for a long time? Maybe because it's a secret mission, I'm not obligated to tell you everything, Levi. I respect you and treat you as a friend, so I will give you some friendly advice. Think about what you really want and don't screw it up. I don't think I need to tell you what I'll do to you if you hurt her, not to mention Hanji." A faint smile affected his lips at the end of his speech.

"It's none of your business anymore. Thank you for the information." He replied coolly and, not worried about the threat of his friend, left his office.

So he was supposed to wait? He hated waiting. Uncertainty burst him from the inside, these few days will probably be a real nightmare for him.

***

It was well past nine o'clock, so most of the Corps' soldiers were resting in their quarters. Only a few officers were still in the courtyard. And Levi was watching them from his office.

Week. She has been gone since fucking week.

And he was consumed not only by uncertainty, but also by fear. Because they didn't know anything, not even Erwin, who entrusted the woman with this mission. Through it all, the captain was irritated and angry from day to night. Everyone wanted to be as far away from him as possible. Even Petra must have found out about his bad mood when some two days after y/n's departure, she felt bad for the fact that she smiled at him instead of focusing on cleaning. The last time he was afraid was when he first left for exeption.

Suddenly, a horse ran into the courtyard, on the back of which was a scout, but he was clearly unconscious, barely clinging to his mount. At first, Ackerman did not move from his place, but when he heard the screams about the return of squad leader l/n and summoning the medics, he sprinted out of the office.

When he was already leaving, he saw only a brunette, which two cadets were carrying on a stretcher to the infirmary. There was blood everywhere, and the worst case scenario flashed through his mind. She might have died.

He knew that they would not let him into the infirmary anyway, and the cadets didn't know anything, the only option was once again Erwin. What a mission it was to make her come back like this.

He hurried to Smith's office and threw open the door. He did not care about the surprised face of Hanji, who was sitting on the blonde's couch, but he walked over to the man and grabbed him tightly by the collar of a white shirt.

"What was that mission? And why did you send her over there alone, don't you care that she's just fighting for her life?" He was screaming at the top of his throat, he didn't care what everyone thought of him right now, he didn't care about the consequences, he only cared that he could lose her before he actually possessed her.

"In Stohess there is a man who leads the gang. It interfered with various shipments and the like. They are also active in the Underground. The task was to diversify into their ranks, apparently she did not quite succeed." He replied with stoic calm which made the black-haired man even more angry.

"Have you been really fucked up? Such a mission is not a job for one person, it is for the rest. Such matters should be handled by the MP's, not us!" He shouted and pushed the blonde back so that he almost fell from his chair.

"Only that they interfered mainly with transports to our corps. Mostly those not entirely legal. You know very well that a large amount of drugs and medical equipment we have is not entirely legal, but it is needed. I wanted to send the two of you on this mission, because both of you know the Underground, but she did not agree to you taking part in this mission. Probably because you were not getting along at that point." The man explained succinctly, and Ackerman said nothing. It was his fault, his goddamn fault. If only he wasn't such an asshole, nothing bad would have happened.

Until now, a silent Hanji came up to the shorter man and put her hand on his shoulder, the latter turned towards her, close to crying. Holy shit what she did with him.

"You'll finish later, for now, go to her." She ordered, and he nodded and without a word headed for the infirmary.

***

"When will she wake up?" He asked one of the medics, who was just finishing treating single wounds on the body of an unconscious woman.

"She should wake up in the morning. But probably not for long, he has to rest a lot now. She lost a lot of blood, it is surprising that she was even going here alive." She replied and got up from the small stool, putting the remnants of bandages and other medicaments on a silver tray. "But take it easy, she will get out of this, squad leader l/n is a damn tough woman, not just character. She will lick it." She added after a moment with a slight smile on her face trying to cheer the man up.

"I know she's strong." He replied quietly, his head bowed and his hands folded.

"So just be patient. I think she survived because she had someone to return to." She laughed softly and just left the room, leaving the slightly confused captain with the unconscious woman.

He slowly walked over to her bed and sat down next to it on the wooden chair. He grabbed her chilled hand and pressed it to his lips, giving it a tender kiss. He had to wait.

And so the hours went by, and Levi spent them thinking about his feelings for the woman and simply gazing at her adoringly.

She was so beautiful, he loved everything about her. From a smile that could not be seen too often, ending with short hair. He was lazily combing them almost all the time, not being surprised how pleasant they are. He did not even notice that it was starting to dawn, and the soldiers of the corps were slowly waking up to start another day of service. He also did not notice that Erwin accompanied by Hanji arrived in the room in the meantime, but when they saw the man sitting next to the y/n, they only smiled at each other and left, leaving them alone, of course they gave each other high five for fruitful cooperation.

"Wake up now, because these feelings will blow me up soon." The words were coming out of his mouth involuntarily. His eyes were closed, he tried to focus, to be patient. "I overheard your, Hanji and Erwin conversation about me. I really was an idiot. I shouldn't be away from you, that's why you're here at all. If I hadn't, you wouldn't be lying here, I wouldn't have allowed it. I have plans to blame Erwin for letting you go on this mission alone. But you don't know how much I was bursting from the inside by the thought that you care about someone, and that someone is not me. I was so fucking jealous. Ugh, feelings are a pain in the ass. You don't even know what you're doing with me. I just love you, and I love everything about you." There was a silence in the room, and the man breathed a sigh of relief, finally blurted out into the crowd of thoughts.

"Even my short hair?" Silence, a hoarse voice broke the silence in the room. The man immediately opened his eyes and straightened in his chair, a smile spread across his face at the sight of the woman's open eyes.

"Even short hair." He replied and once again ran his hand through it, and placed the other on her cheek.

"I heard everything, you idiot. Love you too." She said and smiled broadly as he reciprocated.

"I love you too." He replied and pressed their lips together in a kiss.

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