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99liners · 2 years

Note

In liberosis can u share the men pov too when they were drinking and smoking at yoongi*s

characters: kim seokjin and inaya (aphotic), min yoongi and shiza (liberosis), jung hoseok (psychomachy), park jimin and rei (nodus tollens), kim taehyung and tanaz (enouement), jeon jeongguk and azumi (kaiho).

words: 2.068

warnings: alcohol consumption, smoking.

original one-shot: liberosis

part of: tatemae; 建前 — a bts series

the smoke from the finest cuban cigars is blinding but not for this particular group of men in their early thirties, enjoying the finer things in life; aptly aged scotch and cuban cigars. it's like there is something different in the air and they cannot think back to a time when they all were together — having fun. well, it is a weird group composition to begin with — other than their ages, not one set of the men had a single thing in common.

we have a detective of the violent crimes squad; the civil servant, detective jeon jeongguk and opposite to him is sat the oldest of the group; a typical capitalist businessman, kim seokjin, who has never given a flying fuck about staying in tune with the laws of the land he gladly corrupts for his benefit. beside him is sat the host of the party; who is bound by his profession to give lots of flying fucks about the laws of the land, but he gladly tweaks the loophole of the statutes — advocate min yoongi, the defense lawyer. the trio of the older men is completed with the rich chaebol hotelier on the other side of seokjin; dressed in the finest of silks that your eyes will ever lay on, jung hoseok who has a penchant for complaining about anything that seems out of place, but he has not pointed one finger tonight — guess shiza has done a great job and yoongi cannot help but feel proud of his feisty little wife. by hoseok’s side, dr kim taehyung, the top surgeon of the country, is sprawled in a half-lying position, reaching over for the canister of scotch to refill his glass. the man on the other side helped taehyung reach the canister to which, taehyung gave a nod as a thank you, he would smile too but he is not comfortable smiling at strangers and park jimin is the newest addition to the group. taehyung does not even know who this jimin guy is and frankly he is not bothered much about it — he misses his braniac hyung, professor kim namjoon who could not make the party due to work reasons.

jeongguk and jimin are sat on one side of the expensive kashmiri pashmina rug while the other four men were sat opposite to them maybe three-four feet away. taehyung belonged to the trio of the younger men but he would rather drink boiling hot lava than be seen anywhere near jeon jeongguk.

“so, jimin. what do you do for a living again?” seokjin voiced when he noticed that the men had started to let loose after a drink or two. he took the position of the leader of the group quite naturally, guess it comes with the age and experience.

“uh, i choreograph kpop idols.”

“fuck. have you ever worked with IU?” jeonggguk’s doe eyes turned to jimin in a second.

yoongi couldn’t help but let a snicker at the youngest’s excitement, “such a kid.”

“unfortunately, no. but i work with all the top artists of sme, yge, hybe, starship and all.”

“well, this man here owns half of KBS,” hoseok’s index finger wrapped around the glass of scotch came off and pointed at seokjin.

seokjin let a humble laugh, “half? oh please,” he turned to jimin, the serious facade returning to his features, “i own merely 49% of the stakes.”

jimin hates to admit it but his jaw physically fell open in front of such sophisticated, well put men as the word ‘merely’ floated around his brain like a windows XP screensaver.

“such a show-off,” jeongguk scoffed, taking a puff of the cigar to which the oldest just chuckled.

jimin turned to jeongguk, “detective jeon, if i owned 49% stakes in KBS, i would probably get that tattooed on my dumb forehead.”

jeongguk laughed, coughing the smoke out at the broken humour, “call me jeongguk, please.”

“how did you land that cutie?” taehyung gestured with his eyes at the bespectacled girl sitting among the wives in the sober baby-blue playsuit, park rei.

jimin felt a slight tinge of jealousy, just a slight tinge and it was not the bad kind — not the kind which would make him want to take it up with the surgeon for calling his wife cute — but more like the good kind where he is proud to show you off without feeling threatened constantly. being among happily married men makes jimin feel so secure — a company of men he would look to be included in.

“ah, she was a tough one to come around but looks like i have finally tired her down.”

hoseok raised his glass, “i know right! that tiring down shit works wonder.”

jimin laughed, clinking the advanced glass with his before both taking a sip. tiring women down is what civilised, cultured men of this modern society do, right? the nerve of these men.

“can’t relate,” jeongguk boasted with a smirk, his biceps flexed through the thin material of the untucked shirt as he reached for the canister of scotch.

taehyung snorted hard at that, bringing jeongguk’s unwanted gaze at him, “what?”

“are you jealous of me?” jeongguk was quick to retort.

taehyung could taste the bile at the distasteful question, “you have got to be kidding me!”

yoongi glared at jeongguk while hoseok put a sober hand on taehyung’s shoulder to lower down the steeply rising testosterone level of the room.

seokjin, taking on his pacifier role, spoke up, “tch, tch, boys. don’t ruin the fun. we are having a good time, right?”

the men nodded slowly, one by one after the thick air around them settled down.

the newbie, jimin, did not miss the piercing glares the younger duo gave each other. it was clear that it took both of them a lot of self-control to step down from an ugly fight. he watched jeongguk pouring himself another glass and downing it before turning to him, back to his jovial mood. remind jimin to never get on the bad side of any of these men; they all hold such a domineering aura, ready to put anyone in their places like they own everything. they all are from different walks of lives, working in different professions yet they all have that exact same trait of toxic masculinity engrained into them, including jimin.

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

the men were engaged in quite the conversation when azumi walked up to jeongguk, placing her hand on his shoulder to nudge him out of the conversation, “we should get going. you’ve duty in the morning.”

jeongguk frowned, sighing the smoke out through his nose before handing the half-smoked cigar to hoseok, “yes baby,” he turned to the men, “unlike you rich pricks, i have work in the morning.”

“mm, officer. thank you for your service,” seokjin hooted, gaining a laugh from the rest of them.

jeongguk chuckled, wearing his jacket, the right sleeve of which he kept getting wrong till azumi held it up for him to slide his right arm in. her husband placed the arm over her as she walked him out after bidding farewell to the wives.

jeongguk almost sprained his ankle while getting off the stairs at the porch of the min mansion but azumi managed to keep his balance.

“how much did you drink?”

“i can still drive.”

“over my dead body? right,” azumi shook her head before unlocking the passenger door and pushing her husband inside who would not simply go down without a fight.

slamming the door shut, azumi got in the driver’s seat. she leaned to the other side and pulled on the seatbelt to wrap it around her intoxicated husband.

jeongguk smelled her hair, getting comfortable in the seat.

“you drank too much,”

“you wanna bet?” he sprang to life, his figure advancing towards her.

“with a sore loser? no, thank you,” azumi rolled her eyes in faux annoyance before driving home.

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

taehyung and tanaz were next to leave as taehyung received an emergency surgery being scheduled early morning tomorrow.

tanaz smiled at shiza, “thanks again for having us.”

“you have made it into a beautiful home, mrs min,” taehyung smiled too, before opening the door for his wife.

“you sure you can drive?” tanaz asked checking the time on her watch.

“i am never out of control. we have been together a while now and you know it,” taehyung mentioned, opening the passenger door for his wife.

“you never tire of the gentleman facade, do you?”

“why would i tire? i am a gentleman,” taehyung shrugged, before revving up the engine.

tanaz chose not to drag it further and changed the topic, “you fought with that asshole jeon, right?”

“how did you know?” taehyung’s eyes were trained at the road.

“the permanent scowl plastered on your face isn’t hiding anything.”

“you know i don’t like that ass.”

“you and me both bro, amen.”

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

rei kept staring at jimin, who drove carefully, he was not drunk out of his senses but enough to make him tipsy.

jimin caught her constant stare, “what?”

“you smoked. i have never seen you smoke.”

“i don’t. that was just a cigar,” he shrugged.

“fine. but i absolutely hate the smell of cigarettes. i hold my breath everytime i enter min sir’s chamber. anyways, did you have a good time?”

jimin nodded, changing gears after the signal turned green.

“see! and you thought you would be bored alone. they are all nice people.”

“well, i was able to make friends, luckily that’s all. oh, by the way, i will be going out with jeongguk tomorrow for some drinks.”

“really? of all the people, you chose to be friends with that guy? i don’t like his vibe, i don’t know. there was also a weird tension between the ladies regarding jeongguk and taehyung,” rei shrugged, “it was all peculiar.”

“doll, you are overthinking. i will also be meeting with seokjin hyung about some work.”

rei let a soft sigh in reply before turning her gaze out the window, watching the tall buildings fly by in a blurry haze.

“look, jeongguk seemed chill, the others were a bit snobbish.”

“well, they all earn more on a daily basis than our combined income monthly so maybe being snobbish comes naturally to them,” rei shrugged.

“do you want to live that life?”

“i wouldn’t last a day. i just wanna live a calm life with you and chill.”

“mm, my doll is so perfect,” jimin placed his hand on her thigh, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

hoseok’s driver escorted the reputable man back to the comfort of his house and wife before seokjin and inaya left.

usually seokjin hates driving but it is such a beautiful night to not enjoy the starry sky. a full moon shining so brightly on the road ahead that the streetlights were put to shame. seokjin pushed a button of the convertible which slid the hood down for the couple to feel the fresh air on their faces. inaya was caught off-guard and the scarf holding her hair in place flew away. a breathless soft squeal left her lips as she held her flowy top part of the dress down in place.

seokjin grinned, he slowed down as he did not want the moment to ever end. his right hand left the steering wheel to take inaya’s hand in his before he brought it to his lips to leave a chaste kiss on her knuckles.

inaya blushed and turned her face the other way to look at the scenery passing by.

seokjin’s fingers played with inaya’s wedding ring, still holding on to her hand, “you didn’t drink, right?”

“no.” inaya sighed. yes, here we go. the moment is ruined.

“jagi, you know i am only looking out for you. i want what’s best for you, for us.”

“yes, yes,” inaya took her hand away, leaning on the passenger door, resting her chin on the windowsill.

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

feedback is deeply appreciated. ✨

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- jaimie

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wooahaes · 2 years

Text

singing in the rain

pairing: non-idol!college au!han jisung x gn!reader, slight non-idol!felix x gn!reader

prompt: a stray kids version of enouement.

word count: 12.2k~

warnings: angst with a happy ending. mutual pining that’s fully believed to only be one-sided by both parties. temporary relationship with felix. heartbreak. no communication at one part after jisung ghosts reader for almost three weeks. big brother-figure chan having serious talks with reader. fluff in certain parts, though.

daisy’s notes: haha sorry i rarely write for skz so i’m sure this is bad in terms of like... characterization. i am trying :) (also the fic is named after the golden child song)

By most people’s standards, Chan should be your best friend. The two of you grew up close to each other, Chan’s house right down the road from your own. His family knew you by name and all of your favorites (because Chan knew them first), they watched you follow Chan around like a duckling, and your parents were always making enough food for Chan to have when he inevitably showed up with you for dinner most nights. If anything, Chan was like a brother figure to you (sometimes a bother figure when he was in that affectionate mood). You loved Chan like family. If you had a best friend, Chan would be it...

... If it weren’t for the way you seemed to click with Han Jisung ever since that first day of freshman orientation.

As close as you were with Chan (who you truly considered to kind-of be your best friend throughout school), he was still a few years older than you. Even though the two of you stayed close after he graduated (and his attendance at your college meant nothing for your own choice of school, as you simply liked the literature program), it put a little strain on your relationships at times. You met Jisung during orientation where both of you were wary of the other students surrounding you. Some of them seemed to not give a shit about school at all; partying was fine, but--fuck, man, partying could come at any stage of life, why not be at least a little serious about school you were spending money on? You noticed Jisung was equally as uncomfortable with the way two of your group-mates were hardcore flirting and ignoring your poor orientation leader, and you decided to strike up conversation with him soon enough. His friends were in another group, and you had parted ways with your former classmates for the most part.

Jisung was sweet. He seemed to be taking on a pretty big course load as a music management and music composition double-major, but he was passionate. His head was in the right place, though, and you trusted he could keep it on straight when things were getting rough. The moment you found out he was into music, you could strike up conversations with him (thank you, Christopher Bang, for being as into music as he was). You’d introduce him to Chan in time. The moment the two of you were freed from your orientation schedule for the day, Jisung had invited you to come along and get coffee off campus with him and his friends.

Which was how you realized how different he was when he was with his friends. Before he had been quieter, yet still sweet; with his friends, he was genuinely funny and loud. Maybe that was why you clicked with him: he was versatile. Quiet until you gently prodded him, passionate when you found common ground, and pretty damn fun when in his comfort zone. You traded numbers with him and his friends (Felix was a sweetheart, Hyunjin seemed pretty charismatic (if not a little sharp-tongued at times), and Seungmin was also pretty damn smart and funny). You ended up liking them all pretty well.

Chan was giddy as hell the day you finally moved into your dorm. He hugged you tight, more excited that you were in school with him than he would be if one of his actual siblings chose to. They had time, he told you, to figure things out. You were right there with him then and there and he was going to be excited over having one of his closest friends there. He promised to look after you. It was sweet, even if you rolled your eyes and groaned at the time. Chan’s laughter told you that he never took it seriously.

Like you said: bother figure when he wasn’t a brother figure, and he knew it pretty damn well. Which was why you agreed to live with the guy when sophomore year rolled around and you did not want to play your chances with getting another shitty roommate. It was premeditated as hell for Chan to just happen to have a room open (his old roommate had been talking for a while about moving out, and Chan admitted he already had someone interested if the guy wanted to go). You met Minho through Chan (he was slightly younger, but in the same class as him, and a dance and literature major). He was sharp and witty, but ended up being soft as hell for you once he found out about your major. He liked your conversations, at least, and made it known that you could call on him if you needed anything. You met Changbin, too, who was a year above you, and seemed sweet, too.

So you decided to introduce Jisung to this friend circle, and things came together from there. Minho recognized Hyunjin and Felix as being two of the new dancers on the team, and Seungmin was pulled into the group via association with the rest of your line. Jeongin, the baby of the group, had been your own pull. He was in one of your general education classes, and you thought he was sweet and invited him to hang out while he was still getting his bearings. Even after he gained friends of his own, he stayed as a key part of the friend group... admittedly because you babied him sometimes. You doted on him more than anyone else did, but you liked having him around. He got along great with everyone, after all. Sometimes the others swore he could be evil, but he’d always be your angelic little brother who could do no wrong... for better or for worse.

He could absolutely do many wrong, but you’d watch out for him. And if you were busy. he had seven other older siblings who’d adopted him that he could go to--and probably more. He was a charmer in his own right.

By some stroke of luck, Hyunjin and Seungmin ended up moving in a few doors down from you and Chan. Despite the complaints (Chan was extremely happy to have people he liked living nearby), both of them seemed glad to have familiar faces nearby. Sometimes you thought it might be nice to live in the same building as all of your friends.

Then that fairy tale idea died immediately when you had to consider the shenanigans there. You might never sleep again. As much as you loved your friend circle, you needed time alone.

You weren’t sure when the feelings started, to be honest. Maybe it was something about the way Felix would always show up to your apartment with something sweet, always considerate of everyone else. You thought you’d always see him as a friend until right before your senior year. It took you longer than you’d expect for you to just... accept it.

Chan had brought it up one Saturday night while the two of you were having dinner, a rare night he had off. “So...” He had been smiling. “You and Felix...”

You rolled your eyes. Your love life was kind of a sore topic between the two of you: you rarely dated after a while for a reason. Relationships simply didn’t work out for you, and you gave up trying for the time being. Maybe once you graduated and got used to working and just... finished straightening everything else out, you’d try again.

“I was just curious!” Chan giggled. “You keep denying feeling anything for Jisung...”

He left a pause there, as if trying to incentivize you to speak up. Your feelings for Jisung were nothing to be discussed, especially not with Chan. Jisung didn’t love you like that, and you weren’t going to jeopardize your friendship with him. Longtime crush be damned. You’d get over it eventually.

“You should just go for it,” Chan said. “I mean... I think he’d be good for you. He’s nothing like the last guy you dated.”

Not this shit again. “Oh my god, Christopher--”

“I mean it,” he said, ignoring your use of his birth name. “He kept pressuring you to move in with him because ‘you shouldn’t live with a guy if you aren’t dating’ or some bullshit.”

Unknowingly to Chan, that wasn’t the only reason you dumped the dude. The guy had hated Jisung because of how close he was to you, and you weren’t going to date some loser who thought he could control who you hung out with. He was “fine” with the rest, but it was always Jisung who he targeted. He was too close to you, or too soft as a person sometimes, or Jisung was obviously in love with you and you were too blind to see it. You had the feeling that Jisung would only be the start of it, and he’d move onto someone else eventually. It’d be Jeongin, and then it’d be Felix, and then Hyunjin... It was just a gateway for him to control your life, and you outright told the guy he needed to grow the fuck up because he’d never allow someone to control who he was friends with. If it was out of insecurity, that was his own problem to cope with.

You told Jisung that same day you broke up with him. He watched you for a moment, waiting to see if you were going to cry or say anything further, but then smiled at you and asked if you wanted to celebrate. He treated you to dinner that night happily, talking about how he was glad you cut it off with someone who clearly didn’t respect you enough to trust you. You left out the part where he said Jisung was in love with you; he didn’t need to know that, and you didn’t want to hear him deny it.

“Felix is a really good guy,” Chan said, bringing you back to reality. He placed more of your favorite food on your plate, pushing you to eat a little more. Was it because you spaced out for a moment? You weren’t sure. He continued on nonetheless, not commenting on it, “You know that, right? He’s like a little brother to me.”

“I thought I was the little sibling,” you teased.

Chan rolled his eyes. “You could always ask Jisung for help. Didn’t you say he met Felix on one of the freshman forums while looking for roommates?”

He did. They actually did room together their freshman year. Anytime you went over to Jisung’s dorm, Felix would typically be there--either studying or about to head out to hang out with his friends. He’d always say hi to you and chat for a bit. You nodded along to the suggestion, saying you’d consider it.

(You wouldn’t know that Chan regretted suggesting it the moment he saw the way Jisung looked at you whenever you weren’t looking. Jisung held his feelings to his chest for three years and let that mask slip once when he thought no one was looking. The soft smile, the tender look in his eyes when you laughed... Chan felt awful realizing that things weren’t so one-sided as you told him.)

So you went to Jisung a few days later and asked him. He agreed easily enough to help you with Felix, saying he heard Felix call you cute a few times. While he didn’t claim to know (which you suspected was a lie), he said he thought Felix might feel something toward you. Feelings in their vaguest form, but still good things.

Minho called Jisung an idiot outright for that. Minho was the only person who knew Jisung’s feelings for you, still surprised that you were either oblivious as hell or Jisung was better at acting than he thought. Jisung hid them well enough that no one really knew, outside of Minho (who he confessed them to during one of your past relationships). He had asked Chan once, just to figure it out. That was how he found out you were denying it, and Minho suspected your denials were to throw people off of badgering you to confess to Jisung already. Minho could see it on your face, plain as day.

Hyunjin called him an idiot, too, and Jisung knew that Minho mentioned it. He wasn’t mad. Hyunjin had asked a few times. Jisung always said no, but he had the feelings Hyunjin knew anyway. Jisung always felt guilty that he fell for you. You were his best friend: was it really fair for him to love you like that when all you saw him as was a friend?

He told Hyunjin to mind his business and that he wasn’t going to sabotage your relationships just because he liked you. Despite the way Hyunjin disliked the idea of pushing you toward Felix, he agreed to keep his mouth shut. Both outcomes were hard to face, in his opinion. Either you broke Felix’s heart, or something sparked and Jisung would be miserable. Someone was going to get hurt either way, and... Jisung, honestly, preferred it to be him.

It wasn’t your fault he had feelings for you. He could deal with them if he knew that you were happy with someone who’d treat you right. Felix was a good guy. Hyunjin understood it in the end, and Jisung was thankful. Felix would treat you the way you deserved. Jisung could deal with one heartbreak in exchange for your happiness.

A month into the semester, Jisung finally brought up the fact that you’d been trying to get into gaming more. You looked over at him, visibly confused until Felix lit up at the topic. The moment he offered to let you join him and his friends, rattling off free MMOs that you could play, you caught on and eased into conversation from there. You’d vaguely mentioned that you used to game when you were younger, but ditched it when you were trying to be a serious college student. All you really had was your Stardew Valley farm with Chan, and Felix immediately said that you should have a farm together, too.

You ended up being invited to the opening night of the show Felix was in, a ticket reserved for you. The group had plans to come see later in the week due to schedules not lining up for opening night, but Jisung agreed to come with you when you asked him to. You needed someone to make sure you didn’t look stupid in front of Felix. Jisung agreed: he was happy to support his friends, after all, and he’d just watch it twice.

That was why he stood inside a flower shop with you, watching you try to make a decision. You were looking between sunflowers and yellow roses while Jisung stared at a bouquet of pale pink peonies.

“He deserves something pretty,” you had said when you walked in.

So did you. That was why Jisung always thought he’d buy you a bouquet if he got the nerve up to confess, yet he never did because it was too much of a gamble. If you took it the wrong way, he could lose your friendship. He’d rather pine on his own than do that. But sometimes, late at night, he’d lie in bed and fantasize about bringing you a bouquet and telling you that he treasured you: even if you didn’t reciprocate, he wanted the flowers to be a symbol that he would always be your best friend.

He looked up at the sound of plastic crumpling, and you stood there with a bouquet of yellow tulips in your hands. “What do you think?” You nodded toward them, a shy smile on your lips. “Roses felt too cliche and like... too forward. I don’t wanna come on too strong.”

JIsung just smiled. “Do you like them?” He stepped forward, fingers brushing against yours as he took them. “I think they’re pretty. Felix will like anything you bring him.”

“Are you sure?”

Jisung couldn’t look at you for a moment, instead toying with a leaf. “Would I lie to you?” He pulled himself together, looking back up to try and give you another reassuring smile.

Other people might. Some people would sabotage their best friend’s happiness. Jisung could never do that to you. He loved you too much as his best friend first to do anything that would destroy your happiness.

“Right,” you said, taking the flowers back. “Thanks, Jisung. I’m gonna go pay--maybe get a little ribbon or something? You can wait outside if you want.”

He did. He took a deep breath once he was outside and alone, trying to ignore the ache in his chest. It shouldn’t hurt this much, should it? But he’d gladly cope with it, shoving aside his own feelings if it meant he could see you smile. You seemed so genuinely happy to be talking to Felix more than you used to, that he invited you to opening night like this. A little voice in the back of Jisung’s head told him to find an excuse to dip out--a forgotten assignment or something. Felix had invited you to come see him tonight. Not him. He was coming later anyway. Why was he even there?

The bell attached to the door chimed and you stepped out, bouquet in hand. It’d been wrapped in white tissue paper and bound with a bright, sparkly gold ribbon. A sunshine-y bouquet fitting of Felix. Jisung had to wonder what you’d buy for him. He had to remind you on the bus ride back to campus to loosen up your grip on the bouquet or the stems would break.

“What if he hates them?” You whispered to him, leg bouncing nervously.

Jisung gave you a gentle pat on the thigh. “He won’t. It’s Felix. Do you think he’d ever hate you for bringing him a gift?”

That seemed to get through to you. The tension in your shoulders eased up, and you nodded. “Right,” you leaned against him a little, “Sorry. I’m just... nervous.”

He could tell. You had dressed up a little nicer for this, and your nerves were written across your face. He’d have to be ignoring you completely to not see how nervous you were. He ended up staying with you for the show, not wanting to abandon you when you needed him there. The two of you sat in the audience, a few rows back. Jisung could see Chan in the front row, beaming with pride whenever Felix was on stage. He always did whenever he could make it to things like this--dance showcases, theatrical performances, art exhibits when Seungmin was in his photography classes... It truly made Jisung appreciate how much Chan cared for everyone, both within the friend circle and outside it.

When the show was over, Jisung watched you gravitate near where the actors would eventually come out. The show went great, and Jisung would pass the responsibility of congratulating Felix onto you so that he could dip and maybe go talk to Chan for a while. Chan had already disappeared backstage, well known by everyone there enough for people to not care that he came back. Despite being out of school for two years, he visited often enough and helped out wherever he could. When Chan found time to sleep, Jisung had no idea. He could admire the confidence to go back, though. It always felt like a line Jisung shouldn’t cross, even if most people knew him because of Felix.

Jisung excused himself from your side to run to the bathroom, and spent a few minutes just staring at himself in the mirror. Fiddling with his hair, adjusting his collar; little things while he tried to pull himself together. Fuck, this was getting harder and harder to deal with. You looked so happy to be seeing Felix soon, and stepping back into the theater drove that knife in deeper. You’d been talking to Felix, and Jisung started searching for Chan. If he could get to Chan, he could excuse it. Say he got caught up. Or he could just leave and text you that something came up last second.

But you looked up, and waved to Jisung, and then Felix smiled at him, too, and he couldn’t just leave. He came back over, told Felix he did great, and noticed how smitten Felix already looked. He smiled down at the flowers in his hands.

“Isn’t this sweet?” He said, tissue paper crumpling in his grasp. “They’re so sweet.”

Jisung didn’t say that he was with you when you bought them. He instead made something up about how you had an eye for these things.

“I know,” Felix said. “They’ve never given a bad present, after all.”

(Jisung also didn’t tell him that it was because you kept a running list in your notes app of things that people say they like, or things they want, or things that they need that you constantly update. You subtly asked about things close to holidays and birthdays, too. No one but him (and Chan, who had caught you editing it) knew about it, after all.)

“I think I saw Chan,” Jisung said after a moment. “I’m gonna go say hi.”

“Oh, I can come, too--” You started, flustered. “I mean, other people want to talk to Felix, y’know?”

“It’s fine,” Felix said. “I like talking to you.”

When Felix wasn’t looking, Jisung gave you a pointed look to stay right there and talk to him like you wanted to. He left Felix with one last congratulations for doing well and went off to join Chan.

Jisung ended up leaving before you ever did. Chan said he’d drive you home--all you had to do was ask for the ride, after all--and that he’d drive Jisung, too. Jisung needed the alone time instead, opting for the bus back to his apartment. When he got home, he shut himself into his room and found his songwriting notebook.

Just to get the feelings down while they were still fresh and gaping.

You texted him later that you were going out with Felix later that week for lunch. He had other shows most nights, but he’d make time for lunch with you anytime. You told him that he said he’d be able to do “later dates” and asked if that meant dinner dates or whatever, and Jisung said that it might.

Jisung said he was happy for you. Even if he couldn’t be in that moment.

When he woke up the next morning, he realized that he fell asleep at his desk. There were ink smudges against his hand and cheek, and messy lyrics written down. He could still make out most of the lyrics, and he’d copy them over after he took a shower.

It was sloppy. Not great, either. But he had time to write it better.

A week later, you were curled up on Jisung’s bed and waiting for him to finish an assignment so the two of you could get dinner. He was sitting at his desk, headphones on while he worked. The two of you had planned to get dinner earlier on, but he wanted to at least get to a certain point before he left--leading you to lay there on your phone, waiting. You had invited Minho to come along, but he took one look at the two of you before saying he was busy.

So you just scrolled through YouTube, watching videos of ducks to pass the time since they kept popping into your feed. All it took was one video to show up on your recommended for you to fall into the rabbithole. The things you did while waiting on friends.

You started reaching out absentmindedly toward Jisung’s desk, hoping to come in contact with the stack of sticky notes he kept there. Jisung didn’t look up, reaching over to push it into your hand and then offer out a pen without thinking. He continued working without a word, bobbing his head along to whatever track he was composing. When he finally glanced over, he saw you doodling the way you usually did. He kept most of them--the ones he could get away with, like the little dogs or fruit, or even the tiny doodle of him that you swore was too bad to keep. But he watched you draw tulips on the paper. Other flowers, too, but you started with tulips.

He pulled off his headphones. “Sorry,” he said, “I’m almost done, I promise.”

“Take your time,” you hummed. “I get it.”

When other people said it, he’d get a little anxious that they were actually annoyed. When you did it, you gave him a little reassuring smile every single time. You meant it. That was something he loved about you.

“I mean it,” you said, just like you always did. “I’ll be right here when you’re done, okay?”

Sometimes that promise resulted in you falling asleep in his bed. He never woke you up: he just pulled the blankets over you and went to sleep on the couch for the night, making it up to you with breakfast in the morning.

He replaced his headphones, leaving one side off so he could hear you. A sign that he was open to conversation and less focused on the work at hand.

“So... Are you gonna show me what you’re working on?”

Jisung liked getting your thoughts on things. He valued Chan’s opinions, as well as Changbin’s, but he liked hearing your thoughts, too. Music could be an intimate part of him, and he appreciated how much attention you’d pay towards his lyrics.

“It’s not ready yet,” he lied. The lyrics were all about you, and you’d realize it too quickly for him to come up with a believable lie.

You merely nodded, drawing a little rose off in a corner of the sticky note. “Okay,” you said, dragging it out for a moment. “Well... When it’s ready, and if you wanna share, I’m happy to listen.”

He smiled. “I’ll let you know if I need you.”

You merely hummed in acknowledgement, continuing to doodle aimlessly. The sticky note with flowers had been stuck to the side of his desk, and now you were drawing little dogs and paw prints and hearts. “We should go out.”

He jerked his head back up, thankful you didn’t notice. “Huh?”

“Felix told me about this really nice restaurant,” you said, praying he couldn’t see how flustered you made yourself. You worded that last thought awfully, and you tugged at the collar of your shirt, skin burning hot. “I just thought we should check it out.”

He looked back at his screen. “Shouldn’t you check it out with him?”

“You know how I am.”

He did. You always liked to scope out places with him first if you knew where someone was taking you. Just so you knew that there was something on the menu you would like. He asked once why you didn’t just look up the menu online and pick from there.

“Han.” You had looked up at him that day. “What if they don’t make it good? What if they add extra stuff I don’t like and it’s gross after I ask them to take it off? Then I feel awful for wasting either my money or my date’s money if they’re paying.”

He could understand that. He always offered to be your test-date, then, since you knew he’d never judge your taste. You usually brought him along, occasionally taking Chan instead if he was too busy. It was nice. He always knew what you were going to pick off the menu.

“I’ll buy you cheesecake after,” you promised.

You knew him. You knew his love of cheesecake. He just kinda smiled and told you to give him a second while he saved his work. The two of you left soon enough, and things went well. Neither of you brought up Felix (a fact Jisung was glad about: it gave him a little more time to get used to the idea of you and Felix as a pair, so maybe it’d stop hurting sooner), and you took a picture of him later on with his slice of cheesecake, happy as can be. Even when the two of you were mistaken for a couple earlier at the new place, you seemed unbothered once things were cleared up.

If nothing else, you’d treasure having moments like these with Jisung. He’d always be there with you... even if it hurt your heart to have to get over him one day.

Your date with Felix went pretty well. It was cute to just sit and listen to him talk excitedly about a new recipe he’d been workshopping. He offered to let you taste-test sometime, too: maybe you could bake with him, too...? He’d guide you through it. You’d be a cute assistant, after all.

He held your hand on the walk afterward, and you felt your heart leap straight into your throat at that. Your mind drifted back to the night with Jisung, the dessert place you went to afterward...

But Felix gently bumped into you, just enough to get your attention back. “You okay?” He asked. “You wanna get ice cream?”

You hummed a little, about to nod when your mind turned back to those brownies at the place you and Jisung went to. “Actually... There’s this place I go sometimes--”

“That dessert place you and Jisung go to?” He asked. He didn’t seem jealous or bothered by it in the slightest. “I’ve been wanting to go there, actually,” he squeezed your hand gently. “It just felt like I would be... overstepping, I guess.”

“Huh?”

“You two are close,” he shrugged. “I mean. There’s places I go with my friends that I don’t always go to with other people, y’know? Sometimes you kinda keep stuff for your friends, I think.”

While the shop was you and Jisung’s place, it was never meant to be exclusive for the two of you. Minho had gone with you two a few times, and so had Chan. You only found the place a little over a year ago, and usually you and Jisung would get an order to-go and chill in his apartment. You just liked indulging his sweet tooth from time to time.

“It’s not our place,” you said with a shrug. “If you want ice cream, we can get ice cream. I just started thinking about their brownies--”

He was already intrigued. “Do you wanna go?” He smiled. “We can split one, if you want...?”

You squeezed his hand, smiling. “I’d like that.” You giggled. “They’re huge and they put a scoop of vanilla on top and drizzle it with caramel--you’ll love it.”

And he did: he fed you the first bite, eyes twinkling as he smiled at you. He held your hand tight on the way home, walking you all the way to your door. With a soft “May I...?” he pressed a kiss to your cheek with your consent, already talking about another date. With a promise to text you when he was home, you retreated into your apartment with a sappy smile on your face. You buried your face into your hands, heart beating in your ears.

“Someone had a good time.”

Chan stood near the entryway, two glasses in his hands as he was returning to the living room. He merely just smiled at you, continuing on his trek back to the couch. You slipped out of your shoes quickly, making your way toward your room only to realize Changbin was on the couch with Chan. You decided to spare him any details, calling out to Chan that you’d tell him everything tomorrow.

“Did Felix walk you back?” Chan called out, and you decided to hang back long enough to nod. “You could have invited him in for a minute--”

“Oh, god, fuck no,” you said. “Chan. I love you, you’re great, we don’t need you to embarrass both of us.”

He burst into giggles, knowing it was true (and Felix would agree with you). “I wouldn’t do it too bad!”

“Yes, you absolutely would,” you called back, opening your bedroom door. “But I still love you, you big dork.”

It wasn’t until you turned away that you could hear Changbin speaking up, likely only meaning for Chan to hear him. “I thought they were...” He paused. “... What about Jisung?”

You shut the bedroom door behind you, pressing your back against the door and hoped he didn’t notice you heard it. Was it that obvious that you liked someone that didn’t like you back...?

You texted Felix to get home safe instead, tacking on a yellow heart after it, and then started getting ready for bed. All you could do was move on. When your phone chimed next, over half an hour later, you were greeted with a picture of Felix. He was smiling, dressed for bed with an apology that he didn’t text you sooner. It was followed up with a “sleep well 💛 we’ll talk tomorrow, yeah?” that left you smiling.

He was cute.

If you could push past your feelings for Jisung, things would work out. Felix... liked you. You just had to let go, and letting go was the hardest part of loving someone who wouldn’t love you back.

Maybe Felix could help you get through that.

A few days later, you decided to swing by Jisung’s apartment with takeout. Minho rolled his eyes when he let you in after you made a comment about how they were both slacking, considering the dirty dishes and the parts of the apartment that were unkempt. He called out to you to text before you came over, pointing out that Jisung had been in his room and hadn’t spoken to him in hours.

So you promised to do so from now on, knocking on Jisung’s door before cracking it open when he never responded. He was staring at his computer, posture slumped as he rested his face in his hand while reading something intensely. With his headphones on, you knew he wouldn’t hear you. You made your way over, slowly approaching and waving to his attention. He looked up, blinking a few times before smiling.

“Why didn’t you text me?” He had already picked up his phone, realizing that you did, and grew sheepish. “Sorry...”

You held up the bag of takeout. “How much do you love me?”

He was already taking it, undoing where the bag handles had been tied into a tight knot. “I don’t deserve you,” he said, pulling off his headphones and setting them aside.

“Minho said you’ve been busy all day,” you reached for the spare chair, pulling it over. “I guess I came at a good time?”

He grew embarrassed, idly fumbling with the plastic. “It’s for class,” he said, “so I’ve been busy.” He pulled one of the handles free, opening up the bag at last. “I think Minho tried to check on me. I don’t really remember.”

It wouldn’t be the first time. “You gonna share this time?”

He pouted at you, “I always share!” He popped open the container of steamed dumplings, placing them where you could easily reach them before handing you a set of chopsticks.

“Not those,” you said. “Well. Yes, those, but,” you nodded toward his computer while snapping your set apart. “Your work. It feels like I haven’t heard any of it this semester.”

“You’ve been with Felix,” he said, slightly quieter. “I mean... you two keep finding reasons to go out, you know?” He handed your food over after glancing at the shorthand written atop it. It was never a question between the two of you: you both knew your usual orders from places.

“Not the entire semester,” you frown. Then you sighed, balancing your food in your lap for a moment. “I get it. You’re taking your time. Nothing wrong with that.” You paused for a moment, though, brows drawing together. “Am I spending too much time with Felix?”

Jisung shook his head. “You’re getting to know each other better,” he said. “I understand--”

“I’m sorry,” you said, and you fully meant it.

“No, I get it,” he pushed. “Don’t feel bad about Felix.”

You pouted. “That’s not an excuse to ignore you. I don’t want to be the kind of friend who dumps their friends entirely when I’m seeing someone. That’s not fair to you.”

Jisung grew a little flustered. “You aren’t--”

“We should go out this weekend,” you said. “Like we usually do. I have to work Saturday morning, but my evening is yours.”

“What about Felix?”

“If he doesn’t understand ‘best friend time,’ then he’s not the one,” you shrugged. “My partner wouldn’t stop me from hanging out with friends. I’m never dating anyone like that.”

Jisung always loved your devotion. Even in your relationships, you found time for friends despite the insistence that they’d understand. You said that there should be a balance after that initial phase of getting close to someone.

He swallowed his own pain. “How are you two?”

“You don’t wanna hear about us.”

“I do,” Jisung said. “I mean... You’re both my friends. Jeongin said he saw you two on a date...”

You immediately buried your face in your hands. “Oh my god. Felix told me he was positive it wasn’t him. I knew it. Holy shit--”

“He didn’t say anything bad!” Jisung panicked, carefully removing the food from your lap. He rolled his chair over, letting you occupy some of his desk space. “He just said you two were holding hands and giggling over something. It was sweet.”

You drew your hands away slowly, fully aware of how hot your face was growing. “He’s... really sweet,” you admitted after a moment. “I don’t know if I’m really feeling it yet, but he’s nice to talk to, and he’s cute... I just don’t want to lead him on if I’m not fully into it, y’know? He’s sweet,” you drew closer, knee bumping against Jisung’s. “Don’t pretend you didn’t change the subject.”

You had caught him, and Jisung just repositioned the dumplings between the two of you in an attempt to distract you. When you gave him a pointed look, he sighed. “I’ll show you when it’s done,” he said. “It’s not good yet.”

“Bullshit.” You shook your head. “Your works’ always good, even when it’s a work in progress. I love how devoted you are to it--and to us, y’know.”

He smiled shyly, running a hand through his hair. “Later,” he promised. “When I’m ready.”

“Okaaay,” you giggle, reaching over and gently squeezing his knee. “Whenever you’re ready,” you reaffirm, “I’ll be here for you.”

Tell you. The voice in the back of Jisung’s mind was nagging him again. He looked up, watching as you grew giddy over dumplings. Tell you so that you can break his heart and get it over with.

Jisung realized something you said a moment later. “You... might not like Felix?”

You avoided his gaze. “I dunno. I like him, but I’m just not sure how far it goes.”

“You should figure it out soon,” he said quietly. “Felix is a really good person. If you want to date him, you should be up front about it. If you don’t, he won’t hold it against you. Choose what will make you happy.”

The moment you looked at him with a soft look in your eyes, Jisung was already gone again. You immediately leaned in to hug him after setting aside your things. It was a little awkward, leaning over the chair and wrapping your arms around him, but he relaxed into your embrace and hugged you back.

“I’m really glad you’re in my life,” you said quietly. “I really, really love you, y’know?”

His heart was racing. “Yeah,” he squeezed you gently, eyes fluttering shut for a moment. He prayed you couldn’t feel how hot his face was getting, or hear how fast his heart was beating. “Love you, too.”

You drew away a moment later, lingering a little too long, and then it clicked. “Oh! I forgot to get us drinks,” you frowned, getting up. “I’ll see what’s in the fridge, alright?”

In all honesty, he should have offered to go. But you were gone before he could stop you, and Jisung let out a long sigh and relaxed into his chair.

He loved you too much, and now it was starting to hurt more.

Felix was... Felix. Felix had always been there as a good friend in your own year. You always thought he was sweet. He was warmer than sunshine and he made you feel like you were on top of the world whenever you were with him.

Yet when you held his hand, when he played with your fingers while talking with that cute, smitten smile on his face... It left you frustrated. It’d been a few weeks since the two of you started going out, no rush to put a label on it. Sometimes you thought about kissing him. He’d kissed you on the cheek a few times, and you did it, too, just to see how cutely flustered he’d get. He sometimes would giggle, too, and that made your heart soar. Felix was sweet. You... liked him, but how much?

Chan sat at one end of the couch, watching the movie the two of you had been wanting to see. It was, unfortunately, a boring slog to get through, and you had found entertainment in scrolling your social media instead.

Chan, however, found it in turning to you with an obvious question on his lips. “So... You and Felix...”

The boring leads were reciting shitty dialogue on the screen that felt like it had been written by someone who didn’t know what love looked like. What did it even look like...? You groaned either way.

“I’m just saying!” Chan frowned. “If you aren’t interested, then you need to cut things off sooner.”

“I kinda wanna kiss him,” you admitted a second later. “To find out. Is that weird?”

Chan watched you for a moment. “I don’t know. It might be, but...” He reached for the bowl of popcorn the two of you had made, barely touched at this point. “It could help you figure things out, but I don’t want you to... y’know, use Felix to figure it out.”

Maybe you’d do it as a last resort, then.

“Not that you’re using him now!” Chan quickly said, turning to fully face you. “You’re dating, but not official. You’re figuring it out. If you think taking another step would help you figure it out, then maybe you should do it.”

You took that to heart. You were dating Felix... maybe kissing him wouldn’t be too bad...

“And?” Chan prodded. “You can tell me what you think. I won’t tell.”

You gave him a suspicious look.

“I mean it,” he said, far more serious that time. “Whatever we talk about stays between us. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

You trusted Chan with your life. “He’s sweet,” you said, hugging your blanket close to your chest. “I like hanging out with him. I just... I don’t know how he feels, and I guess I don’t really know how I feel.”

“Well... You should really tell him soon,” Chan said, and his insistence said more than he meant: Felix had talked to him. No wonder Chan was pushing you to figure it out... He watched you a moment longer, picking up the bowl of popcorn. “I’m going to make more popcorn,” he said, throwing the controller next to you. “Find something good to watch, yeah?”

So you did. Chan settled into the space next to you soon enough, wrapping an arm around you and pressing a kiss onto the top of your head the way he used to when you were an upset (and typically hurt) kid. It comforted you, reminding you of simpler times. You skinned your knee once when you were with Chan as a kid, and he helped take care of it before pressing a kiss against the bandage and then to your forehead--because his parents always told him that it helped heal it faster. The two of you were dumb kids, but Chan would still do it from time to time when he knew you were struggling: just as a reminder that he would always be right there. He’d always be an older brother to you, even if he kind-of became more of a “dad” at times.

It was sweet. At least you had Chan in your corner, right next to Jisung.

Felix kissed you.

The two of you saw a movie together that night, and he had walked you home, pinkies linked together. You had split the check at dinner afterward, and he was still happily talking to you while you knew you were growing quieter the closer to your apartment you became. He looked at you so sweetly every time he glanced up, sometimes brushing hair back or fixing your jacket so that you were cozy. He asked if he could kiss you when you were in front of your door, and you said yes. A moment after he pressed his lips against yours, you just... realized that Felix wasn’t it.

Part of you thought that there’d be no one like Jisung for you, as shitty as it felt to realize. The other part knew that you couldn’t expect anything from someone who didn’t love you back: it wasn’t his fault you caught feelings.

You heard a door open and shut, and you felt bad for the neighbors who had to see this. Felix pulled away a moment later, because you never reciprocated, and he just... knew. His hands were still holding your face, thumbs running over the apples of your cheeks as you took in a shaky breath, fighting back tears. You hurt him, and you knew it.

“This wasn’t going to go anywhere, was it?”

Felix was gentle with you. If he was angry or upset, you couldn’t tell. He masked it well, smile much more forced that time--but not giving away what he felt underneath in the slightest. He drew his hands back, letting them fall to his sides.

“That’s okay,” he said, much quieter that time. “I had fun.”

“Felix--”

“I mean it,” he said. “I... really hope this doesn’t hurt our friendship. I like talking to you. I... really like being your friend. And you’re kind of good at games, so we could always use you if you want to join us sometime, and...”

He was rambling. All you could do was pull him into your arms and hug him tight. “I’m sorry, Felix,” you said. “I should have said something sooner. I just... didn’t know.”

He shut his eyes, taking in a shaky breath before he hugged you back. “It’s okay,” he said. “You should head in. I’m sure Chan’s worried. I’ll probably get a text from him on my way home to make sure I’m getting back safe...”

You squeezed him tight before you let go, slowly retreating back. All you could do was pretend to be okay as you typed in your apartment’s code, letting yourself back inside. You lingered in the doorway as Felix stood there, giving you one last smile that you knew he forced it.

And then you shut him out, securing the door behind you as you slipped out of your shoes and set them aside. Chan was out, either at work or with some friends--you weren’t sure, and you frankly didn’t care. You were glad to be alone for a while. You didn’t want to field any questions from him, either, and you knew he’d likely hear from Felix soon enough. Felix would probably go to him for comfort. You didn’t want to face how badly you just hurt him.

You opened your phone, hovering over Jisung’s contact and debated calling him. You shut your eyes. Jisung was your best friend, but he was Felix’s friend, first...

You turned off your phone after sending a single text telling Felix to get home safely. All he did was heart the text, and you couldn’t blame him. You went to bed soon enough, chest heavy and achy as you wished things could be different.

Jisung didn’t talk to you for a week.

This wasn’t him burying himself in work and assignments and his music. He told you about those times, the times he needed space, and you’d always give it to him aside from the occasional check-in to make sure he was taking care of himself (whenever your texts to Minho yielded no answer, at least). Felix avoided you, too, but you expected that. He was cordial, sure, and he got along with you pretty fine, but outside of that he’d grown a lot quieter. He came by to see Chan one day and you didn’t even know until Chan offhandedly mentioned it later on.

You started asking everyone separately. Chan claimed he didn’t know anything about what was wrong with Jisung, and Minho told you that he wasn’t sure but that Jisung needed the space. Felix apologized (as did you, for reaching out to begin with, but he understood: you were worried about your best friend) and said he didn’t know anything, and neither did anyone else who responded to you. If Minho knew something, he was holding it close to his chest.

So you waited outside the studio he worked at, teaching kids to dance for right now. It paid well enough that he could support himself, and you thought that he liked it a lot. He was kinda good with kids, after all. He locked up in the evenings because he was the last person out, and he reached the bottom step before he looked up and saw you.

“I’m not telling you anything,” he said, pocketing his keys. “How long have you been out here?”

“Maybe half an hour,” you said, crossing your arms. “Just... tell me what’s going on with Jisung. You don’t have to tell me the details, but I’m worried.”

Minho sighed. “He’s going through a few things on his own,” he stepped down, starting on his way home. “He’s not ready to tell you,” he called back, “so give him space and he’ll talk to you when he’s ready.”

You hurried to catch up. “He could just tell me that. That’s all I want to hear from him.”

Minho stopped, turning back to face you. “Like I said,” he said, patting you on the shoulder, “when he’s ready, he’ll tell you.”

Minho left you behind to stew in your thoughts with only the wish for you to travel home safely. You reached into your pocket, finding Jisung’s contact and your previously unanswered messages. You typed out a new one after a moment of deciding what to say.

I’m here if you need me. Please take care. Love you.

When you checked again before you fell asleep, he had hearted it. It wasn’t much, but it was enough.

At least he gave you that.

Jisung didn’t speak to you for another week.

He knew about Felix. He knew you ended things with him. He knew Hyunjin was pissed at you, and that you’d find that out soon enough that it was because of everything going on. Because Jisung had spilled about his feelings, how he sometimes thought you felt the same way. Hyunjin told him that you did. That that had to be why you turned Felix down. He didn’t have proof--no one would unless they got the truth from you, after all--but it was a gut feeling he had.

And then Hyunjin outright told him that he deserved better. That if you genuinely liked him, you should’t have fucked with Felix’s feelings. He liked you enough, but this left a bad taste in his mouth.

Jisung fought back: you wouldn’t have hurt Felix on purpose. You were figuring it out. You had liked Felix and Jisung knew that because he saw the way you’d talk about him. It wasn’t a crime that you ended up not liking Felix like that, and it’d be worse if you dragged it out longer. Hyunjin argued instead that you should have figured it out sooner instead of hurting Felix worse.

Even if Hyunjin was pissed at you, though, he would be there to support Jisung and his complicated feelings about you. Everyone would be, including Felix. Jisung later saw another picture of Felix out with Hyunjin and Changbin, smiling genuinely that time. It was nice to see him getting better. Yet there he was, in his room again with his headphones on as he reworked his song about you for the thousandth time. He looked back on his texts with Felix, consoling him until Felix outright asked if Jisung really did like you. He denied it, and Felix didn’t push. Jisung couldn’t like you now. Not when it’d hurt someone else, especially someone like Felix. Denying his feelings would always hurt him, but pursuing you in any manner felt cruel and selfish of him.

The door opened, and in strolled Minho who made his way to his closet. Jisung pulled off his headphones, about to question him as he pulled open the doors and started looking through them. He scrambled to catch the shirt that was tossed at him, a question on his lips.

“Get dressed. Chan’s five minutes away.”

Jisung furrowed his brows together, looking down at the clean white t-shirt in his hands. “Did something happen?”

“We’re going out,” Minho said, looking further for a clean pair of pants. “You barely leave the apartment now. We’re going to go sing your feelings out.”

Chan showed up before the five minutes were up, and Jisung merely got changed and left with his two friends instead. They paid for an hour of karaoke, got into their room, and Jisung was pushed to go first. He backed down, and Chan instead dragged him into a duet to help lessen the hardship of it all.

And it’s soothing to belt out a ballad. To break down crying with his friends as soon as it was over because it all hurt so much.

His head felt clearer in the end. He already had the lyrics he wanted to fix ready and perfected in the back of his mind, the note progression rewritten to show the meaning clearer. The moment he went back home, he put it down onto paper.

When he finished the song, he could let go. Jisung promised himself that. And then he could let you back in, too.

Two and a half weeks. You were starting to become a mess. You’d been angry, because Jisung wouldn’t just tell you he needed space; worried, because you thought you did something wrong; upset, because what if you had hurt Jisung somehow without even knowing it...

And then you realized Hyunjin never answered your texts. You showed up to his door and Seungmin let you in, clueless at the storm that was about to happen. Hyunjin had been sitting at the dining table, sketchbook open in front of him as he was working.

“What’s wrong with Jisung.”

It wasn’t a question anymore: you were outright demanding his response, because Hyunjin’s silence and general avoidance of you was the only thread you had. He narrowed his eyes as he looked up from his sketchbook, leaning back against his chair.

“You’re being rude.”

“Hyunjin,” you crossed your arms. “I mean it. If you know something, then tell me.”

“That’s none of your business--”

“Bullshit!” You snapped. “It’s been almost three weeks and I haven’t seen Jisung this entire fucking time! If it’s bad, you don’t have to tell me--”

“What do you think is the problem?” He stood up, pushing aside his sketchbook to safety. “You broke Felix’s heart. Did you really think it wouldn’t affect the rest of us?”

“What was I supposed to do? Fucking lie to him and pretend I had feelings?”

“Tell him sooner,” Hyunjin stared at you. “Don’t lead him on when you clearly have feelings for your best friend.”

You sputtered for a moment, taken aback. “I what?”

Hyunjin was pissed, jaw clenched and gaze icy. “You went out with Felix because you didn’t want to admit it, and now Jisung feels bad because he helped set you two up because you asked. Did you ever actually like Felix?”

“I did!” You scowled, and then reined in your temper. “I did. I wouldn’t just mess with him like that. He’s my friend, too,” you hugged yourself. “I think you’re being unfair, Hyunjin.”

Hyunjin said nothing for a moment, fingers grazing the wooden surface of the table beside him. He took a deep breath, calming himself back down. “You need to figure your feelings out. I’m tired of watching my friends hurt.”

“I can’t help how I feel about Felix, Hyunjin,” you balled your fists, crumpling fabric into your palms. “I feel bad for letting it go on as long as it did, but I really didn’t know until we kissed.”

Hyunjin only watched you at first. He licked his lips, swallowing hard. “You really don’t understand, do you?”

You furrowed your brows, watching him carefully. As if maybe he’d give something away if you did. “What?”

Seungmin spoke up, “Didn’t you have to meet up with someone?” He looked between the two of you nervously. “For... that art project...?“

Hyunjin looked over, a little confused, but nodded a second later. “Right,” he said, grabbing his sketchbook. “I need to go.”

You took the chance to apologize for intruding and for getting upset with Hyunjin. You imagined that it couldn’t be easy for anyone close to Felix to watch this go down. It hurt you knowing Jisung was upset for whatever reason, Hyunjin was likely in the same boat as you. It wasn’t until you reached the door that Hyunjin called out your name again.

He hesitated for a moment, but then met your gaze. “You should talk to Jisung.”

You really should.

Jisung was right where you expected him to be whenever he wasn’t home. There was a certain studio that he worked in whenever he wanted to get out of his room, and he was penciled in when you checked the clipboard on the door for sign-up slots. Technically, non-music students weren’t allowed in, but you punched in the code nonetheless. You knew it, after all. Someone had to drag his ass back home when it was getting too late.

“Hey,” you called out, and he looked up.

He ran a hand through his hair, acting casual enough. “Oh. Hey.”

“Everything okay?” You stepped inside, letting the door close behind you. “It’s been a while.”

Jisung nodded, looking away. “Just busy,” he said. “That’s all.”

“Is it?” You pressed, making your way over to the nearby chair. “You can talk to me if you need to, Jisung. I’m still here.” You sank down. “Or... you can tell me to go away. Just tell me, okay?”

“I know,” he said. He toyed with a cable, careful not to bend it. “What would you do if you loved someone you shouldn’t?”

You tilted your head. “Like... forbidden love, or like a friend’s partner...?”

“You’re so dramatic,” he said, a hint of a smile tugging at his lips. “A friend’s partner,” he clarified, unknowingly making you start running through his friend list mentally for people who you knew were dating. “Like... You don’t want to do anything that’d hurt your friend, but... You can’t help how you feel.”

You said nothing. All you could do was listen.

“It’s just hard,” he admitted. “I look at this person and I can’t help but feel like I’m never going to stop loving them. It hurts. Have you ever loved someone so much it hurt?”

You had. Looking at him reminded you of that feeling all over again.

He turned to face you. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I think I wanted some time to think. Minho will tell you I haven’t been talking to most people lately.”

“Chan said he went out with you two the other day,” you said, slightly turning your chair. ”Did it help?”

He looked up. “You aren’t mad...?”

“No?” You toyed with your sleeve. “I mean... It kinda stung, yeah, but if you needed Chan and Minho... I can’t change that, y’know? All I can do is hope that they were able to help you.”

Jisung firmly believed that he didn’t deserve you. He started shutting down everything instead of answering your question. “Do you want to go get dessert? I’ll buy this time.”

You didn’t press. You merely agreed, following him out of the studio soon enough. His hand brushed against your own, and you wanted to hold it more than ever.

Hyunjin’s words ring in the back of your mind: you should talk to Jisung.

You should tell Jisung.

And then you didn’t. Even when he was eating a slice of cheesecake, brighter than he had been in weeks, you couldn’t tell him. Not yet. Not when you just got him back.

You weren’t ready to lose him again.

“Tell them,” Hyunjin said, standing in the doorway to Jisung’s bedroom. “Soon.”

Minho had been telling him the same thing. If he didn’t want you, then let you go: if he wanted something, then he should talk to you. It’s just not fair to hold onto this dream of loving you when he wouldn’t try. If he wouldn’t let himself do it, then why hold onto it? Why not find a new dream to pursue? It wasn’t fair to either of you, especially when it was hurting both of you.

“I like our friendship,” Jisung said. He didn’t look up.

“They like you,” Hyunjin said outright, arms folded across his chest. “So tell them.”

Jisung shook his head. “It’s okay--”

“I mean it. I wouldn’t tell you to do it if I wasn’t positive. We all see it. Why can’t you?”

Jisung didn’t look away from his song, so close to perfection and yet so far. Hyunjin left him there soon enough, and Jisung shut the world out again.

One step closer, and then he’d be okay.

Chan was an older brother to you. That meant he’d have the hard talks with you sometimes, and when you came home to work to find he’d bought your favorite takeout, you knew what was coming.

“You’ve always loved Jisung,” he said outside, standing next to the table. “And I think we should talk about that.”

You stood in the entryway, just staring at him. “Chan...”

“It’s okay.” He pulled out the other chair for you, before taking his own seat. He gestured for you to come on, to sit across from him, and to dump out your feelings and sort them out right then and there with him. “Let’s talk about it, okay? No more running away.”

You put aside your shoes, wash your hands, and joined him soon enough. He poured your drink before his own, and then waited for you to speak.

When you didn’t, he let out a sigh. “I know you. I know you don’t want to hurt Felix, but... I think you need to put your feelings first instead of everyone else’s.”

“Chan...” You took a deep breath. “It feels too soon.”

“Felix knows. All of us do, now.” Chan didn’t touch his food. All he did was watch you, full attention pinned onto this situation. “You can’t tell me that you don’t want to act because of Felix. Everyone says they thought you’ve liked Jisung for the past few years, but then thought that you two were just... that close.”

“We are.”

“You know Jisung loves you, right?”

It stung to hear, because you did. You realized it after Hyunjin all but spelled it out for you: he was watching his friends hurt, after all.

“So why did you never tell him?”

“I didn’t know before,” you said. “And now... I don’t want to hurt Felix. And I don’t think he does, either.”

“Felix wants you to be happy,” Chan said. “All of us do. If that means pursuing Jisung, then that’s what you should do. Felix is an adult. He was never going to hold anything against you, and I don’t think he’d ever want to be the reason why you didn’t try. He wasn’t the reason before, you know? I don’t think he’s the full reason now.”

You said nothing, staring down at the table for the longest time.

“Talk to me,” he said. “What’s stopping you?”

You took a deep breath. “What if it doesn’t work out? What if it ruins our friendship?”

“It doesn’t have to.”

“I’ve heard horror stories of friends who decided to date and it ruined everything,” you said. “How do you know that wouldn’t happen? Then it makes everyone else feel awkward--”

“You and Jisung wouldn’t let that tear you apart,” Chan said. “You might have to step away for a while, sure, but you’d come back to each other. I think you two are soulmates.”

You grew flustered. “Chan...”

“I mean it! The two of you work so well together as friends...” Chan took a sip from his drink, almost as if he was buying a moment for the words to sink in. The glass clinked against the table. He met your gaze again, eyes soft and caring. “I don’t think a relationship not working out will destroy that.”

All you could do was stare down at your hands, resting them in your lap. “It just feels wrong to go for it when I just dumped Felix almost a month ago.”

“Do you feel ready to tell him?” Chan watched you closely again. “If you’re ready, then you should tell him. It doesn’t mean you have to immediately jump into a relationship. It just means you’re being honest. If you aren’t ready yet, then you should wait until you are. But if you’re waiting only because you think everyone else’s happiness should come first... I think you should go ahead and tell him.”

You gave yourself three days after that conversation. One to make up your mind. The second to figure out how. The third to do it.

On the rooftop of Jisung’s apartment is a community garden. It brought a little greenery into the city, and you always found it cute. You also knew that Jisung would go there when he needed to sit and think sometimes, keeping to himself and gazing off into the city. You always wondered what was going on in his head, yet this time... you felt pretty certain you knew.

Jisung loved you. You loved Jisung. That was what Hyunjin wanted you to figure out. Now it was time for you to string it together and stop holding back.

You made your way up the steps late one night, opening the door to the rooftop to see Jisung with his headphones on. He sat at the small picnic table that was set up there, one that the two of you had shared drinks at once or twice and been rained on another time. His brows were drawn together, eyes shut as he lightly bobbed his head along to the music. You saw the lyrics of his last song. Was that what he was listening to? His laptop was open in front of him. You weren’t sure what composition was open, but you didn’t need to know.

He opened his eyes a moment later, looking up to see you. He quickly paused his music, pulling his headphones down and around his neck. “I didn’t know you were here.”

You hadn’t planned this in the slightest. “We need to talk about us.”

He tensed up, fingers fumbling for the top of his laptop as he pulled it shut. “Us...?”

“It’s nothing bad,” you promised, making your way over. You straddle the bench, drumming your knuckles against the wood. “I just.. realized a couple things.”

Jisung threw one leg over the bench, facing you fully this time. If it was awkward, he didn’t say. “Which are...?”

“I’m in love with you. You’re in love with me. And... I don’t know why neither of us said anything sooner.”

Jisung stared at you. “I don’t... I’m not...”

“Han.” You looked him in the eyes. “If you don’t want to be with me, that’s okay. I just... I wanted to tell you, and I figured out why Hyunjin was so pissed at me. He thought I was using Felix to get over you. And... I don’t blame him for thinking that,” you looked away. “I wasn’t--I really, really did think I liked Felix. I just... I didn’t know it’d always be you until after I kissed him.”

“Always be... me?” He furrowed his brows, fingers curled around the edges of the bench. “I don’t understand.”

“I think... I’ve been looking for you in every person I’ve tried dating, and that’s why it never worked out. If you didn’t love me back, I would have moved on eventually,” you admitted. “But... If you don’t, then just say right now, okay? And I won’t hold it against you, and we can go back to being best friends.”

“I can’t love you,” he said outright. “Not when Felix--”

You met his gaze again. “Jisung. If Felix didn’t like me, would you hesitate?”

He said nothing for a while. “I didn’t think you’d love me. Everyone kept telling me to tell you, and... I couldn’t. I didn’t want to do it while Felix was hurting.”

“I get that,” you dragged your fingers against the painted wood, noticing the way blue chips stuck to your skin. “I didn’t want to, either. But... Chan said that we shouldn’t let other people stop us. He said Felix wanted us to be happy.” You paused for a moment. “Which... really sounds like him. It kinda sounds like all of us: wanting everyone else to be happy even if it hurts us.”

“I feel bad,” he said. “I don’t want him to get hurt.”

You scooted a little closer, cautiously taking Jisung’s hands into your own. “I think... Someone’s going to come into Felix’s life and they’re going to love him the way he deserves to be loved. I wasn’t that person. I’ll always love Felix the way I love the rest of our friends,” you reached up, caressing Jisung’s face. He leaned into your touch, eyes fluttering shut. “But... I love you more. I know it’s early to say it, but... I really think it’s you.”

Jisung opened his eyes, watching you for a moment. “Can I kiss you?”

You said yes. He leaned in, nose brushing against yours for a second before he kissed you. His lips were soft, and his hands found a home at your waist soon enough. You were gentle with him, eyes fluttering shut as the two of you lost yourself in that moment.

Kissing you felt like he could breathe again. Jisung had heard the cliches of having your breath stolen away by someone before. Yet when he kissed you, he felt like he had finally come up for air after drowning in self doubt and fear for far too long. If he was given the choice, though, to drown in you, he’d do it without a second thought. You gave him life, filling his lungs with air, and he’d listen to your siren song and drown again just to taste that feeling again. He was already intoxicated by the way you ran a hand through his hair, his body yearning for your touch far more than it had ever before.

Something in him broke, and he drew away. He let out that broken, stuttered breath that oft served as a precursor for crying, and mumbled an apology as he turned away, wiping at his face already.

“Sorry,” he stammered out, wiping at his tears. “I just... It’s a lot to take in.”

“It’s okay,” you said quietly. “I’m right here.”

You always would be. He laid his hand over your own, squeezing it tight.

“I’m here, too,” he promised. Jisung had never been so glad he left a song unfinished before. “I love you,” he said, voice lowered so it stayed between the two of you. “I think it’s you for me, too.”

It had been too late to go home, Jisung not wanting you to travel the city late at night--and Chan had been asleep, leading neither of you to want to disturb him during that rare moment. Despite your insistence that you could take the couch for the night, Jisung gave up his bed for you the way he had done time and time again. Kissing you was moving fast, as was saying those three little words he’d always wanted to hear you say. Maybe one day he would fall asleep next to you after studying every line and blemish on your face and committing them to lovestruck memory. Instead, he drew the blankets up over you and kissed you gently before retiring to the couch for the night.

You had told him to dream of you. So he would if it meant he could wake up to you, too. That night was the end of strife and stress and strain from not telling. Now Jisung had to make up for not telling you for so long.

If that meant, starting tomorrow, he would tell you every single day that he loved you, then so be it. That was what you deserved, after all, and what he did, too.

#skz imagines #han jisung x reader #han jisung x you #stray kids angst #skz x reader #stray kids x reader #stray kids x you #skz x you #stray kids imagine #skz fics #stray kids fics #han x reader #han x you #skz angst #wooahaes.fic

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