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cybrsan · 11 months

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hi new follower here! I've read your stuff on AO3 but I didn't know that you post here too. for the prompt list, I'd like to request # 93 and # 123 for smut with whiny, petty hongjoong. he doesn't have to be a sub but he's very hornknee and touch-starved 👀 I'd love to see your take on it. thanks if you write this 🫶

Omg, I'm so touched! Thank you so much for supporting me both here and on AO3. Also, I absolutely loved writing this request—needy Hongjoong is everything to me. I did mix in a little bit of angst for the scenario to play out but I hope you don't mind and enjoy it anyway!

Prompts: 93. “Say you want me, and I’m yours.” + 123. “Fuck you.” “When?” Pairing: Hongjoong x F!Reader Genre: Angst, Fluff, Smut Word Count: 1.1k Tags/warnings: Miscommunication, clothed sex, sex as a coping mechanism (kinda)

Requests are currently closed, but my masterlist can be found here.

When you finally feel Hongjoong slip into bed next to you, it must be in the early hours of the morning, considering that you had gone to sleep a little past midnight. You stayed up as long as you could, waiting for him to get back from the studio so that you could catch up on the new episodes of the drama the two of you have been watching together. It’s something you don’t have time to do often due to his hectic schedule, and he had promised to come home early and make it a date.

You always try to be understanding of his schedule, understanding that the time you do have with him is borrowed and can be quickly taken away if something work-related comes up. You would never insist that he put you first, knowing just how passionate he is about music. Seeing the way his eyes light up when he talks about it or the way he seems to radiate pure, unbridled joy when he is on stage is a gift in and of itself. You love his love for it all.

But, really, is a text too much to ask for? Or a phone call to let you know he’ll be late, that something has come up? You almost say something, but then he slips his arm around your waist and pulls you close. You settle into his embrace, sighing contentedly. You may be upset with him, but you can discuss it in the morning.

You almost fall back asleep when you feel Hongjoong’s lips on your shoulder, and his fingers find their way under your shirt, ghosting over your stomach. He slots his hips against yours, and you can feel his half-hard cock pressing against you.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” you say, looking over your shoulder at him in disbelief.

“I’m sorry, baby,” Hongjoong says, kissing you gently. “I tried to make it home early, but I got carried away.”

“And now you want to wake me up so that you can get off?”

“Please, I need you. I’ll make it up to you, promise.”

You groan and shut your eyes, turning away from him. “Fuck you, Hongjoong.”

“When?”

You almost laugh but stop yourself, not wanting to give up the facade of your annoyance. “Take care of yourself. I’m going back to bed.”

“Baby,” he whines, rocking his hips against you. “Don’t do this to me.”

“Take care of yourself,” you repeat, except this time, you thrust yourself back against him.

Hongjoong groans and, spurred on by your words, begins to rut against you. He buries his face in your hair as his hands move over your body, exploring every inch of you that he can reach. He tugs you closer by the hip, allowing you to feel the hard outline of his cock against your ass with every movement. Even separated by your clothes, you can feel the heat of him, his need palpable even like this.

He gradually increases his tempo, his movements becoming more urgent, more desperate. He pants against your neck, hot breath raising goosebumps on your skin. Having him use you to get himself off like this feels so erotic, and you’re surprised by how turned on it’s making you when you haven’t even been touched. Without even realizing, you have begun to move back against him, meeting his every thrust. As if Hongjoong can sense your need, he moves his hand from your hip and dips his fingers below the waistband of your panties.

“Want you to come with me,” he moans, breathless.

He circles around your clit, teasing it gently as he continues to move against you. You can feel him trembling with effort, trying to prolong his own orgasm until you get close to the edge. His fingers move against you expertly, instantly finding the spot inside of you that has you seeing stars. You moan, white-knuckling the bedsheets as pleasure tears through you.

He moves faster now, thrusting against you in time with his fingers as he takes you closer and closer to the brink. He whispers sweet nothings in your ear, telling you how beautiful you are, how good you are for him, how lucky he is to have someone like you. His words and his touch prove too much for you, heat coiling in your gut, and you come around his fingers with a gasp.

He groans as he soon follows you, his entire body shuddering against yours as he comes. He slows to a stop, holding you close against his chest as your breathing returns to normal. He continues to whisper words of love into your ear, pressing kisses into your skin to punctuate each sentence.

Eventually, he murmurs a soft apology. “I really am sorry for not showing up. I should have been more considerate.”

You turn to face him, kissing him sweetly. “Joong, it’s alright. I just wish you would have let me know so I wasn’t waiting around all night. It didn’t feel great.”

“I know, baby, I’m so sorry.” He frowns, looking so guilty and upset that you almost feel the urge to comfort him even though you know he’s the one in the wrong. “Do you feel used?”

His question takes you off guard, and you can’t control the shock on your face. “What? Why would you ask me that?”

“I don’t know…” he lets his sentence trail off, trying to find a way to articulate his thoughts. “I missed our date and then came home and acted so selfishly, wanting you even when you weren’t in the mood. I don’t want you to think that all I care about is your body or that I don’t value your time because that couldn’t be any further from the truth.”

“Hey,” you coo, wrapping your arms around his waist. “If I didn’t want it, I wouldn’t have initiated. You have never made me do anything against my will. I love you, Joong. You should know by now that all you ever have to do is say you want me, and I’m yours. Even if it’s early in the morning, and I’m grumpy and half-asleep.”

He beams at you, moving forward to pepper your face in kisses. “I love you so much. How did I get so lucky?”

You laugh and jokingly push him away, trying to escape his overzealous show of affection. “I love you too. Now hurry up and change so we can cuddle and go to sleep.”

He quickly obliges, and after changing into a fresh pair of boxers, he crawls back into bed and pulls you close. You practically melt into his embrace, an overwhelming sense of comfort washing over you. For the second time tonight, Hongjoong buries his head in your hair, taking in the scent of you as his breathing slowly evens out. It doesn’t take long for the both of you to drift off into a peaceful slumber, content in each other’s embrace.

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lainiespicewrites · 5 months

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I just want to feel safe - Walter Marshall fanfic. Part 1?

Okay. Preface. This story has mentions of sexual assault. This is a personal story. But I've changed a lot of the names and some of the actual story to fit the fic. I think that I've decided this is going to be a series. It's taken a lot out of me writing this but. I really love Walter and I can see this relationship growing into something more than what is here. I also think that from a healing standpoint, I'm gonna write the story I never gave myself the chance to have. Anyway. That's enough from me. I'll let you guys read the story now. I know this is a heavy topic and situation but I'm still always open to comments and feedback. Thank you guys for the support in posting this <3

Plot: OFC reports assault after 2 years and Detective Walter Marshall is assigned to her case. He will stop at nothing to help her feel safe again.

Warnings: Panic attacks, mentions of sexual assault (retelling the story of what happened.)

Unbeta'd Mistakes are totally my own and I own that. This might be a mess because honestly I was super emotional writing this but it felt good to get it all down.

Please don't share without crediting.

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I’m not sure what I expected a police station to be like. Frankly I’d never really imagined myself in one. Kind of funny how things can change like that. All of a sudden you’re doing things you’d never imagine. That’s how I ended up here. In this strangely familiar looking police station. I guess maybe that’s the one thing movies and Tv got right. Police stations for the most part look exactly the same. This whole night started from a list of “Fuck it why not’s” that spiraled out of control. But that explanation alone was not enough to help the officer help me. I looked back at the petite woman in front of me. I’m sure she was a good police officer. I wasn't trying to doubt her skill. But her overly sympathetic nature and deer in the headlights look on her face was making me feel worse.

“I know this is hard.” She spoke softly, placing her hand over mine on the table. She didn’t know. She had no idea what this was like. Being attacked like this. Letting yourself become vulnerable because ‘why not’ I’d known those boys my entire life. When my brother invited me out for drinks with his friends, I didn’t have a reason not to trust them. Not to trust… him. My brother didn’t know. He couldn’t have known. He was betrayed too. “But I need you to tell me what you remember, what happened to you, so we can help you.” I looked around again At the empty gray walls. Out the window into the dark cloudy night sky. It must be almost midnight now. Anywhere but at the woman in front of me. What did she say her name was? Rachel? I focused on the empty desk chair behind her when I finally spoke.

“It doesn’t matter. I remember all of it. Every detail. But we have no case.” I muttered I looked down playing with my hands again.

“Alayna,” She said my name softly. I met her eyes again for the first time since we sat at her desk. “You don’t know that. You did the right thing coming here and reporting it. I need you to talk to me.” She pleaded with me. She didn’t understand.

“No,” I said again. “I do know.”

“How do you know we can’t help you?” She asked her eyes boring into mine. I know she wants to help. I know that but I just don’t see how they can. not after it’s been so long.

“There’s no evidence.” I said.

“Sweetheart, with all due respect you aren’t a police officer we may be able to find something you wouldn’t think to look…”

“It was two years ago.” Rachel paused then. She took a deep breath and sat back in her chair.

“2 years ago?” she repeated. I nodded. She let out a soft sigh. “Sweetie, Why did you wait so long to tell somebody?” She asked. This felt more manageable. This I at least knew the answer for. It was logical. It made sense. Well it doesn’t really make much sense but when you’re bargaining with yourself it does.

“I didn’t think it would matter. I’m still not sure it does.” I said. I swallowed hard. Now or never Alayna. You didn’t walk 3 miles to the police station, in the cold, after a panic attack to not give yourself some kind of peace. I let out a long breath and started again but then the door of the squadroom opened. A tall figure walked in. I couldn’t make out much of him at first. Just that he was very tall, 6,1 or something and had a full beard. He was wearing a heavy winter coat and beanie. I tensed a little when I watched him walk from the entrance to the desk next to Rachel’s. He shrugged off his coat revealing a thick gray sweater. He draped his coat over his chair and pulled off his beanie. His hair was a mess of dark curls. As soft and cozy as he should have looked…Something still felt intimidating about him. Maybe it was because he hadn’t spoken a word since he’d walked in the room. None of us had actually.

“Alayna,” Rachel said my name, getting my attention and finally breaking the silence. “This is detective Walter Marshall. He’s going to be working on your case.” That’s right. When I came in to report, the officer on duty at the station had to attend to a call. When I told them I wanted to report an assault, they told me that they’re psychiatrist was still in the office. I could talk to her until one of the detectives was available. I think they were afraid if they told me to come back later… I wouldn’t. They were probably right. Although I’m not quite sure if it would be because I’d lost my nerve or dying of hypothermia on the walk home. Rachel wasn’t even a detective. Was I really that out of it? Why didn’t I remember that until now?

“Okay,” was all I managed to say.

“I can stay,” she said. I'm not sure if it was for me or the detective. Maybe both. “If you’re more comfortable. If it’s easier for you. Ya know?” she asked. I shook my head and I watched as the detective…Walter, put his hand on her shoulder.

“Go home, it's been a long day,” he told her. His voice was deep but he spoke softly. And surprisingly he had an English accent. “We’ll manage,” his eyes were tired and heavy when they met mine. He offered a gentle smile. I nodded.

“You’re sure?” She asked.��

“I don’t want to keep you Rachel. I can talk to the detective.” I said. She nodded.

“Okay, wait right here, just a moment while I catch him up okay? And then you two will get started.” I gave her a slight nod and just stared out the window again. Rachel and the detective went off into a side office somewhere to discuss what I’d already mentioned. This was sure to be quick now. As soon as she tells him how long it’s been, he’ll dismiss me. This was so stupid. I’d kept this to myself for this long. I knew this was a bad idea. Just as I had convinced myself to get up and leave the office door opened again.

“Thank you,” Walter’s voice said from across the room. “Get home safe.” he told Rachel as she waved goodbye. I gave her a small wave. I sat back in the chair trying to relax. But I knew I couldn’t. He came back over to the desk leaning his hip against it, crossing one foot over the other. “Are you comfortable out here or would you like to talk in my office?” He asked. “There aren’t too many people still around this late but, it would offer a bit more privacy than the open squadroom. It’s up to you.” He stated. I thought about it for a moment. Finally, I pulled my eyes from the window to look up at him.

“I think I’d feel better with a little more privacy,” I said. He gave me a sympathetic smile.

I stood up from my spot next to the desk. Then he led me out of the squadroom and down the hall to a small office. There wasn’t much, just a large desk with nothing but a computer and a travel coffee mug on it. The walls were bare other than a standard wall clock. He motioned for me to take a

seat in one of the chairs in front of his desk as he shut the door behind us. He circled around to the other side of the desk, setting a file down and taking a seat across from me.

“You’re reporting an assault, is that right?” He asked. I nodded.

“Yes, not a recent one. I’m sure Rachel informed you.” I said. I felt so ashamed of myself. I was wasting his time. Detective Marshall’s eyes met mine. I didn’t find the same overly sympathetic look in his eyes like I did with Rachel. He wasn’t pitying me. He wasn’t trying to psychoanalyze me. At the same time, it wasn’t cruel or harsh. Not even annoyed. Just open.

“She did,” he spoke after a brief pause. “But I’d like to hear the information from you myself. If that's alright with you?” He questioned. I swallowed hard. I leaned forward and folded my hands on the desk.

“I can do that.” My voice shook when I spoke. “Will I need to write a witness statement too?” I asked him. Telling this story once was going to be hard enough. Seeing it written on paper was going to be gut wrenching.

“Let’s just get through this conversation first. We’ll talk about the rest later, "he said. I nodded. He sat with his forearms leaning on the desk and his hands folded together. He pursed his lips into a tight small smile and nodded toward me. “Whenever you’re ready.” He stated. I swallowed hard. Of course it didn’t necessarily mean that. It was after midnight now. This guy probably wanted to get home. I had to get this out.

“November 12th, or well 13th I guess. It was around 1:30 or 2am so the 13th. My brother, his friends and I had gone out for his birthday. It wasn’t his birthday though, we had to wait until the weekend to celebrate because it fell during the week.” I was rambling. He needed details. I need to stop rambling. “Uh anyway, We were at a bar, earlier that night on the 12th, but I got kind of tired. The boys were picking on me for being a lightweight and leaving early. I left the bar at 11, got home at like 11:15. I went right to bed. I was really tired. The boys were all gonna come back to the house when they were done at the bar. I woke up to the bedroom door bursting open at like 1 am and someone yelling my name. I screamed. It was my brother's friend. Um.” I paused for a second, starting to feel uncomfortable. Did I have to describe it exactly? What did I have to say? But Walter spoke, easing the tension a bit.

“And what’s his name?” He asked me.

“His name is Justin, uh Justin Veach.” I responded. Walter nodded for me to continue as he wrote a note in his folder. He put the pen down and looked up at me again letting me know he was listening.

“Uh He said, ‘It’s okay! Don’t freak out, it's just me! We’re back, come hang out with us!’ Then he came over to my bed and kissed my face which was weird but he was an affectionate guy and well they were still drunk. I didn’t think much of it. He’d known me since I was a baby. He and my brother had been best friends since kindergarten. They were ten years older than me and he watched me grow up.” I shuttered a little thinking about it. “Um so after that he left. After telling me to come down stairs to talk with them again. And I did. We sat in the kitchen. I just sat there sleepy and confused. The boys were talking and eating drunk snacks or whatever,” I kind of chuckled a little. “It was nice. But we were talking about how it’s so funny that I’m old enough to go drink with them now. And Justin kept making these comments about remembering when I was born and that I was such a beautiful baby. It seemed so weird. But looking back. He knew. He knew what he was planning on doing…. We all said we were gonna go to bed. Blake, my brother, told Justin he could sleep on the couch or they could share his bed or whatever. But Justin was coming up the stairs with us and he said ‘I wanna cuddle’ to me, and he was still drunk and I thought he was joking so I laughed it off and said ‘yeah sure’ I let him lay in my bed. But I put myself on the inside. I thought he was just gonna lay there a minute and like it would be a joke. Blake did too. He asked if I was okay before he went to his room. Because he was still kinda drunk and ready to crash. I said. I was. But Justin didn’t just lay there. He took off his pants before he got into the bed so he was just in boxers and his shirt. And,”

I was shaking. I couldn’t do this anymore. I was gonna cry. I didn’t know this man. He was surely annoyed by me and. God he probably thought I was lying. That’s what Justin would tell him. When he confronts him. That I’m lying. Or maybe that's what I wanted. This was so stupid I shouldn’t have come here. I swallowed hard again. I looked back up at walter. I could feel the tears in my eyes.

“Take your time.” He said softly. “Is this when he hurt you?” He asked.

“I can’t,” my voice was trembling now. “I’m sorry I’ve wasted your time, I can’t do this.” I sobbed. I stood up to leave his office. Walter stood and walked to the other side of the desk gently reaching out and putting his hand on my shoulder. “There’s nothing you can do, I know that. I wasted your time detective. I’m so sorry.”

“Hold on,” Walter’s voice was low. “Sit back down, and breathe for a moment. If anything else I can’t let you walk out of here and drive home in this state.” I looked at his face. He was concerned. Worried about me. About my safety. I sat back down in the chair. I took a deep breath trying to compose myself again. But I couldn’t seem to catch my breath. “It’s okay, You’re safe in here. I’m going to do everything I can to help you Alayna.” Detective Marshall said, crouching down in front of me to meet my eyes again. I nodded. “Do you think you can keep going?” he asked. I nodded again. He stood and leaned on the edge of his desk. His proximity seemed to help keep my calm. I don’t know what was so different between him and talking with Rachel. But when he said he could help, I believed him. Maybe it was the sheer size of this man. Or the gun on his hip. Or maybe there was something in his aura or some other bullshit I didn’t understand that was protective and made me trust him. Fuck maybe I’d gone to far to turn back now and I was too emotionally exhausted not to lean on anyone who would listen. Whatever it was, I continued.

“At first I was just laying next to him. Like I was saying, I thought it was a joke. But he wrapped his arm around me to make me cuddle him.. I guess. He started rubbing my back. I froze up. I started to recognize that his hand was lingering where it shouldn’t but I couldn’t say anything. And this guy he’s .. he’s huge. I mean like 6 foot and like 400 lbs when he rolled over on to me and started touching me I felt paralyzed I couldn’t move but… I couldn’t have pushed him off if I’d tried. I just felt hopeless. That’s when everything happened.” I sniffled softly. I hiccuuped catching my breath. “It was like I was outside of myself watching it all happen…I .. I don’t know if that makes sense? But I couldn’t do anything. All I could do was lay there. I don’t remember if I said no. But,

“You didn’t consent. That’s no. This was not your fault. You’ve already tried to blame yourself. It’s a really common thing, unfortunately, that you can’t react. But that doesn’t mean that you let it happen. Or that you wanted it to happen.” Walter said softly. I nodded at the ground.

“Afterward he, he fell asleep and I showered, I had to get rid of the feeling of him. I slept on the couch, Well I tried to. The next morning he was came down and sat with all of us like nothing had happened. I had mentioned that my back had hurt the night before. And he moved closer to me and rubbed it for me. I couldn’t move. I didn’t react…again. I just. I don’t know. All I could think was, I didn’t wanna start anything. But I also couldn’t make sense of what happened. When he left I changed the sheets. I threw them away actually. My clothes were washed. But eventually I couldn’t look at them anymore. I threw them away too.”

“Why do you think it took you so long to say anything?” Walter asked me.

“I wasn’t even sure it happened. I wasn’t sure I could call it what it was. I mean he was drunk, I just… Just laid there. It took me over a week to tell my best friend. But It took almost 4 months after talking it out with her and one of my other friends for me to face it and call it what it was. But I still can’t say it.”

“And why are you here now? What made you report it?” He raised an eyebrow. I took a deep breath. This has been eating at me so long but. This month. This 2 year “anniversary.” If you could call it that. Has been terrorizing me.

“It’s all I could think about the last couple of weeks. I started having nightmares. Seeing him in my dreams. Before when I dreamt about it, I always got away. Someone always stopped him. But now. Now I’m trapped all overagain. It happened in my childhood home. In the room I grew up in. I’ve moved out since then. I live alone. He doesn’t even live in that town anymore. He lives 3 hours away from me. The chances that I’ll run into him are slim. And I don’t have any

reminders of it anymore. But Sometimes if I wake up and I’m laying next to the wall it sends me into a panic. If I see someone with a similar body type or with a similar voice it shut down. He’s over a 100 miles away. But I don’t feel safe. I’m losing my mind! I’m getting up to check the lock on the door like 10 times before I can go to sleep. What if he just walks in like he did then. He doesn’t even know where I live. But I’ve never confronted him. And he has a wife! And Kids. He did when he did this to me. I can’t get over that. She needs to know but … I don’t, I don’t know what to do! That’s why I’m here, I had another panic attack, I didn’t trust myself to drive. So I walked. ” I was in tears again. He must think I’m so weak. So stupid. What an idiotic thing to do.

“I understand, and first I want to say, I’m sorry that you went had to experience that. It’s a good you were able to tell your friends, but you were seemingly dealing with this alone for a long time. I’m sure that’s taken a toll on you. The next thing I need to ask you, is what you want to do now that you’ve told me.” I took in his words. He was right. This has been so heavy. And I’ve carried it alone for so long. But now that I’m here I never thought there would be options.

“What can we even do? It’s been so long?” I asked.

“Not too long though, if you want to press charges, and see him convited for this, that’s still on the table. If that’s what you want to do then yes, I do need you to write a witness statement. There will be a lot of other legal things that need to be done and signed. Then we can start an investigation. I know you think there isn’t anything here. But well do you trust me?” He asked. Did I? I didn’t know him. But Rachel seemed to. And he had his own office. That must mean he’s some high status detective right? And there was just something about him. Why did he feel so safe. It wasn’t the gun. It was. It was him. I did trust him.

“I do,” I spoke finally.

“I’ve put people away, on much less than what you’ve given me tonight.” He said. That felt good. To know he could lose everything. Like he made me lose my sense of security. But then my stomach dropped.

“W-would I have to see him?” I asked meekly.

“In court yes, possibly in a line up. But definitely in court. We would need your testimoney,”

“I- I don’t know if I can do that, I don’t know if I can face him.” I shook again.

“There will be officers in the court. You won’t be near him. He won’t be able to get to you.”

“Will you be there?” I asked suddenly.

“If you’d like, yes, I can be there.” He said giving me a soft smile.

“Can I think about it?” I asked meeting his eyes again.

“Of course,” He stood and walked back to the other side of his desk. “It’s been a long night emotionally for you, if you’re ready tomorrow to make a decision you can come back in the morning.” He said typing a something quickly on his computer. “If you’ll wait just a few minutes I can gladly give you a ride home. It’s far too cold for you to walk, even it’s a block away.” He offered. I nodded.

“Thank you, I appreciate that. It’s, well its actually 3 miles.” I stated biting my lip awkwardly. He let out a soft chuckle and smiled.

“Well, I surely can’t let you walk that far this late. I’ll get you home safe.” He said. He finished typing whatever it was he was doing on his computer. Then he locked the file in his desk. He stood and gestured for me to lead out of the office. He turned the light off and locked it behind him. Oh God I’d kept him after his shift.

“I’m sorry for keeping you,”

“Oh, no don’t appologize, this is common practice for me. This is honestly the earliest I’ve left in weeks.” He said as we walked back to the squadroom. He grabbed his coat from the desk chair. “Do you have everything?” He asked. I nodded.

He led us out of the station and to his truck in the parking lot. Once we were settled in, I gave him my address so he could drive me home. I watched out the window as he drove down the familiar streets. The drive was silent. The closer we got the more I got this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Back home. Back home to be alone again. I was so scared. What if he knew where I lived. I didn’t feel safe. It wasn’t long before the detective was pulling up in front of my building.

“Thank you,” I spoke breaking the silence for the first time since we’d left the police station.

“Of course,” He reached into his pocket pulling out a business card. “Take the night and decide what you’d like to do.” He said and then handed me the card. “That’s my cellphone number. If there’s anything else you need call…”

“Would you come in?” I cringed the second the words left my mouth.

“I, I can search the place, If you’d like. If it would make you more comfortable.” He offered.

“I mean, could you…” I can’t believe I was asking this, “Stay?” the word came out barely above a whisper. I sighed. I turned toward the window squeezing my eyes shut. “I’m sorry that was stupid, You probably have a wife, and a family to get home to. That was so inconsiderate. I just. I was afraid and I… I’ll just go.” I opened the door.

“You don’t feel safe, do you?” He asked. I paused and shook my head. I didn’t. I hadn’t for weeks. But I couldn’t ask this guy to give up his time for me.

“I don’t but, It’s okay. It’s just that there’s only one deadbolt lock on the door. And I don’t know sometimes that doesn’t feel like enough. And I can’t seem to get any sleep. But that’s not up to you. I have to figure this out. You’ve done so much to help me already detective.” I rambled. Walter let out a long breath.

“You’ve got a lot on your mind right now and a lot to consider.” He said. “I’m sure the lack of sleep isn’t helping at all, You could use a good nights rest.” He stated.

“But it’s not you’re responsibility and I don’t want to take you away from your family.” I said.

“I, well I live alone actually.” He bit his lip awkwardly “Why don’t you stay with me for the night? I’ve got some work to catch up on anyway. I probably won’t be getting much sleep. You wouldnt’t be putting me out.”

“Are you sure?” I asked raising an eyebrow. I’d given this poor guy enough trouble. And he was being so kind. Walter nodded. Honestly. The way I was feeling I didn’t have the energy to consider it any longer. I shut the door and walter put the truck in drive.

It was almost 2 am when we walked into his house.

“I can just sleep on the couch I, I really don’t want to be any trouble.”

“You aren’t,” He assured me. “And please, you can sleep in the bedroom, I rarely sleep there anyway. It’d be nice to know someones getting use out of it.” He smiled. I nodded and he showed me to the room and left me to get comfortable. He said he’d be down stairs likely working in his office if I needed anything. I took in the room everything seemed to be a dark navy color the comforter, the curtains the sheets. I chuckled to myself. That made sense for him.

I slipped off my shoes and slid under the covers. This should feel strange. And it did. But I was safe. And I hadn’t felt that way in a while. I let that feeling take over as I tried to fall asleep. But my mind started to wander again. What if he found out I reported it. What would happen. Or What would he do when they arrested him. What would he say about me. Would he say I wanted it. Tell them I didn’t push them away. Try to convince them that I was lying somehow? He was good at that. And he had a friend from college that was a lawyer. Surely he already had a story. Maybe he’d been prepared since it had happened. I started to shake again. I could feel my heart rate speeding up. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t hear the footsteps up the stairs. I didn’t see him come in. I didn’t even realize that I’d started to cry again until I noticed he was next to me saying my name.

“Alayna. Alayna. It’s okay. You’re okay. Take a deep breath.” He soothed.

“I can’t, I can’t… what if he tries to come after me. What if.. What if he tells them… what if tries to tell them I wanted him to…I don’t think I can do this.” I sobbed. Walter wrapped an arm around my shoulder.

“He can’t get to you. We’ll be sure of that. All that matters, is that you’ve told us the truth. As long as you have, and as long as you confirm that in court. No matter what he says or what anyone believes, it won’t matter. I want to help you. I want you to feel safe again. I think the only way we can do that. Is to put this guy away. I’m not gonna stop until we do. I won’t let him hurt you again.” He said. Pulling me closer to him.

“Do you have a sister?” I asked after a brief pause sniffling softly.

“No,” He shook his head and leaning back against the headboard letting me rest my head against his shoulder. “But I have a daughter.” He said.

“Is that why you do what you do?” I asked. He smiled. But he was quite for a moment.

“Not at first. When I was younger and I first started out, it was just something that I liked. Something I was good at. But when my exwife and I had our daughter, a lot of that changed. It became personal. To an unhealthy point honestly.” He chuckled at himself. “I guess to my own detriment.”

“Is that why you’re still working even though you clocked out hours ago? You could use some good sleep too detective.” I stated. Starting to relax.

“I haven’t slept well in ages,” He said. “Focusing on the job, oddly enough, keeps my mind off everything else. There are some horrible people in this world. I don’t have to explain that to you. I get so in my own head about how, it could be her. If I spend anymore time considering the what ifs I’d keep her locked in a tower,” He chuckled.

“I understand that. But surely, If she was raised by you, she’s a smart girl. But.. well I guess,” I sighed. “Nevermind.” Walter squeezed my shoulder softly.

“Thank you, I know what you mean.” He smiled sympathetically.

“I’m going to do it.” I said suddenly. “Press charges, I mean. You’re right. Knowing can still get to me. Knowing he’s out there. That’s what’s causing me all this stress and …I can’t keep going on like this.” I stated.

“I can take you back to the station tomorrow.”

“Thank you,” I whispered. “Walter?” I asked nervously biting my lip.

“Yeah?”

“Will you stay here? I don’t know what it is I just feel.. Safer when you’re here.” I blushed softly. Walter adjusted so that he was lying on the bed. I moved and laid my head on the pillow.

“Get some sleep darling. I’ll be right here.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay that was part one❤️ let me know how you’re feeling about this guys!

Tag list: @summersong69 @carrie80reads @caramariehurst @redheadrouge @warriormirkwood @gummydummy19 @deandoesthingstome @shellyshellshell @mary-ann84 @starfirewildheart @foxyjwls007 @alwayzmsbehavn @toooldforobsessions@mishkatelwarriorgoddess @henryownsme @identity2212

Part 2:

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linasofia · 1 year

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(I hope you don't mind me sending this to you. Please use it however you'd like; a fic, head canon post, or even just a talk about how you think things would go)

It's Christmas Eve and Father Quart is running the Midnight Mass service. What happens when he finally gets home to you?

Thanks @fizzyxcustard for dropping this in my ask box. I hope you’ll like it. Merry Christmas! ❤️

The snow crunches under his weight as he walks the short distance to your little cottage. Father Quart left church in a haste after Midnight Mass and forgot to change into his heavier winter boots. The well-polished shoes he wears for church are not the best choice for slippery winter roads, but he manages to get to your front door without any misadventures. When he knocks on the door, the sound is muffled by his thick gloves but he knows you will hear it anyway. He’s expected. Longed for, even.

You open the door with a warm smile. Seeing the man who earned the key to your heart always brings joy and gratefulness to your chest. He’s your guardian light, your evening star and your heart’s compass. You, in return, are his safe haven when he doubts, his small piece of heaven, and the woman who made him realize that he has room for more than the Lord in his heart. Your secret relationship is not easy for either of you, but you have both agreed that what you share is worth the effort.

You allow Lorenzo to take off his winter coat before you throw your arms around his neck. He hugs you tightly back, and you lose yourself in his smell. The cologne he put on this morning still lingers on his skin, and you rest your nose against his neck while you give him a gentle kiss on his stubbled jaw. He cups your cheek and returns the affection, his kiss deep and sensual.

”Are you tired? I made tea if you want some.” You ask when he releases you from his embrace.

”Not really tired and I’d love to have tea with you.” Your thoughtfulness is one of the first things he noticed about you, and he appreciates your attempts to make your life together as normal as it can be. ”How are you feeling now?”

For the last couple of days your sore throat has been bothering you, but this morning you finally felt better. You chose to not attend Midnight Mass, even if you have looked forward to it for a long time, since you don’t want to risk ruining the holidays for other people by giving them a cold. Lorenzo, however, refused to stay away from you.

”I feel much better, I think it’s finally over.”

He gives you a kiss on your forehead. ”That’s the best Christmas present.” Then he looks down at your tights and oversized knitted sweater and smiles warmly. With a swift move, he pulls off his jacket. ”I’ll go and put on something else.”

You head for the kettle in the kitchen, and Lorenzo goes to your bedroom. He has his own drawer where he keeps some clothes and underwear. As you fill the mugs, you hear him pull out the drawer and go through his choices. While you’re seated on your sofa, he finally joins you, wearing grey sweatpants and a navy t-shirt. If you didn’t know, he would never be taken for a priest in this outfit. The t-shirt hugs his broad shoulders in a very flattering way and his sweatpants, well, you could probably write a poem about how well they fit him.

The tea with Christmas spices smells lovely but the steam rising from the mugs is a silent warning to be careful. You hand Lorenzo a gingerbread, and he takes it with a smirk. ”Are you feeding me cookies so I will be good to you tonight?”

You let out a short laugh. He looks playful, but you know what he means, and just the thought of him teasing every part of your sensitive body until you almost lose your senses, is enough to make your skin heat up.

”Maybe,” you wink at him as he takes a bite. You have already had a few—the baker needs to approve, right? But you take one more. It’s Christmas after all.

The open fire spreads its warm light over your living room, and you look around, pleased with how your decorations turned out. The tree with its baubles and the beautiful star at the top, the white mittens you use instead of socks and fill with green twigs. Your eyes fall on your newest addition, the small but very cute Yule goat you bought a week ago at the local market. He stands guard next to the little pile of carefully wrapped Christmas gifts. Lorenzo gently puts his arm around your shoulder and holds you close. He snuggles your hair and hums when you place your hand on his chest. Your living room breathes calmness; the only sounds are the ones coming from the open fire.

When you reach for your tea, Lorenzo lovingly strokes your back. The tea has cooled enough to be drinkable, and after you taste the first sip, you make a mental note to buy more of the wonderful blend. It’s flavored with oranges and cinnamon, and together with the gingerbread, it can’t taste more like Christmas. You wish time would stop so the two of you could stay like this forever. But all the preparations finally claim your energy, and you yawn.

”It’s getting late.” Lorenzo murmurs against your hair. ”I better eat one more cookie before I take you to bed, so I can be really good to you.” His voice holds the most delicious promise, and you know you will not fall asleep unsatisfied tonight.

❤️ If you like my writing, please consider spreading the love and reblogging.❤️

Taglist and others who might be interested: @lathalea @legolasbadass @laurfilijames @i-did-not-mean-to @enchantzz @fizzyxcustard @middleearthpixie @xxbyimm @bitter-sweet-farmgirl @kibleedibleedoo @mariannetora @haly-reads @sunnysidesidra @rachel1959 @knittastically @jaskierthelover @quiall321 @medusas-hairband @fulltimecrazy @s0ftd3m0n @emrfangirl @glimmering-darling-dolly @lilith15000 @clumsy-wonderland @theawkwardbutterfly

Please let me know if you want to be added or removed.

#father quart #christmas ask #richard armitage #the man from rome #la piel del tambor #father quart x reader #father quart x you #christmas eve fluff

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teacute · 2 days

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❝ feelings ❞ — a. tsumugi x f! reader

character(s) ! aoba tsumugi / fem! reader warning ! this is a one-sided so i'm putting angst since.. there's no happiness here /j note ! i'm not proud of this writing pls just-- i didn't proofread this okie

" you shouldn't sleep like this!! everyone would be worried heck and will think you're dead, mugi! " the female voice bombarded the supposedly quiet office when she saw tsumugi sleeping at his work station. she wanted to straight up choke him for doing something like this. leaving himself defenseless, in the middle of the night - what's more, in the office?! tsumugi was shocked due to the high pitched yelling that he woke up, baffled by the whole situation.

[name] then put both her hands on his shoulders and shook him. " why didn't you go back to the dormitory instead of sleeping here?! " she can't stop herself from screaming anymore. she asks to be forgiven if there's anyone other than the two of them in the office for screaming. tsumugi's eyes widen as wide as the saucer of his teacup. he sheepishly laughed, scratching his nape. [name] eyed him. almost as if she's glaring. shivers ran down his spine as he looked back at her.

" w-why, i didn't notice you were here [name]-chan.. " he nervously laughed as he finished. he could feel the intense glaring from the female.

she mockingly replied, " oh, how would you notice me when it's literally midnight and you're asleep in the office!! "

aoba mentally noted to himself not to make [name] angry again after this. she might really blow up the whole office sooner or later. aoba mumbled a small sorry as he knew she was just worried about him. the producer sighed heavily. " you know that your health is important right? please don't be careless as to be too overworking yourself... i don't want to see you falling sick.. " she mumbled the last few parts of the sentence.

tsumugi smiled before nodding. he wore his spectacle back before standing up from his work table. " well then, shall we go back? i might as well catch up on my sleep.. hehe.. " he scratched his cheek. the female oh-so-wanted-to-hug him the moment he looked so vulnerable when she walked in, however, looking at him right at the moment made her heart beat faster. to her, he's cute and she liked that part of him where he's very helpful.

she kept quiet while nodding her head and followed tsumugi out of the door to the elevator. inside the elevator, [name] noticed that tsumugi is swaying a bit so she pinched him on the cheek. " don't fall asleep on me, i don't wanna drag you to the dorm.. plus i can't enter seishou hall¹.. "

tsumugi chuckled as he tried to stay awake. when they reached the first floor, no one to be seen because it's already so late. however, they came fronting with niki. seems like he just got off from work too. " niki? it's late already.. the café just closed? " the female questioned, curious as to why niki is later than usual. niki just smiled as he chomps down on his waffle. he surely is hungry every damn second. " yweah.. jwust cwosed.. " his words were muffled as he was still eating. the female chuckled.

" well.. since you're going back to the dorm, right? please bring tsumugi and ensure him to sleep in his room. " tsumugi could sense the deadly aura around her as she smiled innocently. niki nodded and walked away. tsumugi turned to [name] saying his thanks before walking along with niki, leaving her in the darn main hall. she sighed, she bid goodbye to the guard and she slowly walked to her dorm that's not so far away.

" i know my feelings.. i know i liked you.. but it'll ruin your image as an idol.. "

" so.. until you've shined brightly, i'll continue to support you.. "

soft voice muttered in the cold tranquil night with the sound of footsteps against the cobblestone street.

closing note ! yipeee another ramble, another post, another day-- okay okay enough ✦ ¹ seishou hall - it's the name of their dormitories right?

#ensemble stars x reader #enstars x reader #teacute fem! y/n writings #tsumugi aoba #tsumugi aoba x reader #teacute wits #teacute writings #angst #is it even angst?#enstars x female reader #ensemble stars

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drunktuesdays · 2 years

Note

lea where's my dustin gets jim to rail him because his therapist said it would help with the post midnight existential dread (meanwhile the therapist probably said something much more sane like, thirty minutes with no blue light and relax before bed)

re this post: crying kerri that would be SO fun. can you even IMAGINE?

you could do a thing where like, maybe dustin's talking to someone who IS a therapist at a bar, like, it's NOT a medical treatment situation. just two strangers talking shit at a bar while watching some sports game on the tv. and the guy's talking about his job, and some of the patients he sees. and he's not being inappropriate and sharing personal details or anything but he is just complaining in general about people being people.

and then, with like a drunk guy philosophical tone, he's just like "i think the problem with most men these days is that they need to get absolutely plowed and they're scared to ask for it."

which is. objectively an insane thing to say and dustin CRACKS up. and the guy cracks up too, and then someone scores and the whole bar screams and the conversation moves on. and dustin almost doesn't remember it, except something jogs his memory when he and jim are getting breakfast the next day. dustin's like "literally this guy told me that we could probably solve society's problems just by doing more butt stuff."

jim probably laughs, and makes a dumb joke about politics or something that dustin isn't even really listening to. he's like "i don't know why anyone would be afraid to do butt stuff. i mean, it's not my deal but if i wanted to, i'd do it. who cares? i wouldn't though, probably. it doesn't seem like it'd be that, you know. fun."

jim, having sensed some dangers here, does try to change the subject and talk about literally anything else, but it's too late. dustin's ON one, and is basically like "no shade to gay dudes, you know i love them, but it cannot be life changing to put something up there. i just don't get how a little fingie in the butt makes your personality any better," and finally, at some point in his nonsense, he looks up and sees jim's face, and is like "you haven't done it. no. you have? jim—tell me—!" and jim's like "EXCUSE ME? HELLO? CHECK PLEASE?" so fucking desperate to get out of there, while dustin's like "WHO? your last girlfriend? you let her peg you? or no—not her? jim, stop walking so fast—!"

eventually, i think, dustin would literally need to be the most annoying he's ever been until jim's like "yes, i have let a dude fuck me, and i liked it, and it didn't change the trajectory of my entire life, and i don't think it would materially change anything about society, but i'm STARTING to think that it would for YOU, asshole!"

and dustin says, in kind of a weird voice, "is that an offer?"

and then jim rails him :) and it's pretty intense and earth shaking :) kerri, does dustin cry? i think he probably cries a little :) and then he's laying on his back on the bed, having hauled lil jim as close as humanly possible even though they're both disgusting and sweaty and repulsive. and he's just lying there thinking like, wow. wow. that therapist in the bar was fucking right.

#answering asks bc i don't wanna do work #wrestling

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thedarkestgreys · 2 years

Note

Director’s cut: The kitchen scene in Lexi I from YVOR please!!

the kitchen scene in Lexi I of YVOR be still my heart. Let's talk about it!

// originally Lexi I was going to just be an angsty/smutty one shot, I know I've said that before! but in making the decision to turn it into a more expanded story some details got changed to fit the timeline I was looking to create. Lexi was going to show up after roughly six months of radio silence from Fezco - late October instead of early August.

// the set up in the kitchen was always going to be them on their opposite corners, Lexi beside the fridge and Fez leaning against the island, but Fez's initial softness with Lexi was non-existent. He's definitely pissed at her in both versions, but in the reworked version he's keeping his anger in check for a lot longer - he's just relieved to finally see her even if he's not happy she showed up at his place after midnight. so instead of the slow steady way he walks across that space, he was going to be right in her space as soon as she started to get mouthy.

// "What if I don't want to be safe?" was the OG breaking point - that was the moment Fez was going to give in. since I was planning on making it smutty, it was gonna be like super rushed, pressed against the fridge, no time to take the clothes off sex.

// even after I decided to make it into a full fic - I was still planning on having them kiss in the kitchen that first night. but once I got into the outline I decided against that - I needed them to build up all this tension so it could boil over later, and having them kiss off the top wasn't going to let me succeed in that (sorry it took almost 60k until that happened my bad)

// BUT because I didn't have them kiss in that scene we got Fez pressing Lexi into the counter when he's hard for her. Between all the accusations Lexi is tossing out ("that's the reason you left me on your porch like a fucking dumb, lovesick kid? you didn't want to drag me into this?") and all the things Fez is doing ("but don't fuckin' tell me i don't get to make a choice to keep you safe.") i needed to really indicate just how much Fez still wants her without A) making him say it and B) despite all his choices/actions thus far.

// I totally just got a kick out of them trying to have this really casual conversation while dancing around the elephant in the room at first. fez asking after both rue and cassie made sense - they're two of the most important people in Lexi's life.

// Fezco's response of "Good." after Lexi tells him she fucking hates him right now when he asks her to leave and not show back up to the house hurt me as much as it hurt everyone else I promise. bonus feature:

// Originally in Lexi VI when they talk Post Laurie Meeting when Lexi shows back up at the house after midnight, they were going to have that conversation in the kitchen to parallel Lexi I but then I moved them to Fezco's bedroom because uhhh... we needed to use the bed and THAT wasn't planned in the original outline either.

#fic: your violent overnight rush #iwantthemtostay #thanks for the great question the lexi i kitchen scene remains my favorite

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randowwriter · 2 years

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Hi! Can I get 2, 6, and 43 for the fanfic ask game!

2. I want to say from God and leave it at that, but I guess I'll delve into the details of it anyway. XD But I am inspired off of prompts, random ideas, music, requests, ideas my friends like, etc... I truly believe that God is the one inspiring me, hence why I almost left it there, because ultimately, an idea won't always be interesting, as in I won't feel like I should write it or even want to write it, so I believe God steps in and helps me out. :) Sometimes I am just reading something, and something jumps out at me and so, I try to capture why it does. I do this a lot, and when I reread it, and it doesn't spark that desire to write something based off of it, I know I wrote all that I could for it. This is fresh on my mind, because I've been trying to write an original poem since yesterday, because I was in the car and had this amazing book on iconography or rather praying with Icons and, it's by Henri J. Nouwen, who writes very simply (for lack of a better word), and when I was reading his meditation on an Icon of Christ, I was struck by a short sentence in a beautiful paragraph, and yesterday, I wrote a short poem that just wasn't working, I was in a bit of a hurry too while trying to write it, and I wasn't pleased with the poem. (There is one metaphor in it that I actually did like, and as far as my own attempt at expressing this, was the closest I could get.) And I came back tonight and finally wrote the poem, don't know if it's perfect, but I don't feel that spark anymore. When a spark leaves, I miss it, but I know writing was the right thing to do. (I guess this is just tonight's example as to where my inspiration comes.) I do try to read a lot, and lately, I haven't been reading fiction (other than every now and again, a new fanfic appears in front of me that I want to read and do; to be fair, I have about four or five fanfics by people that aren't me saved as reblog drafts right now, because I want to read them and haven't yet.) XD 6. By golly, I guess you get fanfiction version, since this is a fanfic ask game, but also original version, though that part makes me nervous. ObiYuki oneshot that I wrote yesterday but posted today: "So, Shirayuki leans against him, trying to let him know that she'll be a strong pillar at his side no matter what, and that one day, those words will become his confidence even though he's still a bit nervous yet."

Original poem: "than when humanity was just human" (None of those make much sense without reading the whole things, but oh, well.) XD 43. I guess I'll go back to how I answered a similar question that moonstruck-writing asked back towards the start of the year? I mentioned really wanting to write a Love Potion bonus chapter fic for Yona of the Dawn. (I'm blanking so bad on tropes right now, that I can't think of a good example.) XD As far as idea goes, I have an Algira fic I want to write eventually; it's an Algira and Vold friendship fic/sort of relationship study in a sense from Algira's perspective? And other than that, I want to write a RajiYuki baking fic! (A sequel to one of my RajiYuki Weekend fics!) (I probably shouldn't be answering this so close to Midnight my timezone, but oh, well. Maybe that's why my mind's blank.) :)

#fanfic ask game #sctwilightvampwolfgal

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dashofmonsters · 2 years

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Updates on updates

Updating the update list because I'm inconsistent and still trying to figure out the best writing schedule.

Please refer to the top of my Project List for any changes and add-ons to the updates.

I'm going to try to focus on one story at a time or maybe two once I've posted a bulk of it. I'm working on reorganizing my apartment and my personal schedule now that I'm no longer dating so I have more free time (woooo)

I'm hoping to have Roommates & Renovations done by the end of May since I've cleared up some good work space at home and no longer have to work on it during free time at work.

~~~~~~~~~~~

If I somehow manage to stay above schedule or right on schedule I plan on working on sequel stories for any completed series like the long awaited and highly anticipated family endings. I'll be doing a poll in November that will last till the end of the year on which story you'd like to see get a family ending first. There will be multiple endings for this based on preference that I've mentioned before but will go into detail again later.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Long Road and Masks will be updating for multiple seasons because I'm an idiot obsessed with lore dumping. There may or may not be a chance for Midnight Oceans to become a multi season series but I'm really banking on wrapping it up on pt.11 if I can help it. If not Season 2 will start next year.

~~~~~~~~~~~

At the end of the year I want to open a poll for stories I plan to hopefully one day publish. I'll be posting the first few chapters on here for critique and hopefully to gain interest.

I've got one where there's an Alien love interest

Two with werewolf love interests

And one where the female lead is a dragon shifter and the love interest is a prince/ mage/ social dumbass. (this is the one I really want to work on but still haven't found the time to make notes)

~~~~~~~~~~

I will eventually be grouping stories together for the soul fact that I have several that take place in the same universe and just want to shove them all together but I have to come up with names for them and it's giving me a slight headache because of course it is.

A lot of my modern monster stories take place in the same universe save for the werewolf triplets.

Almost all of my fantasy monster stories take place together as well except for Masks and One Hundred Dreams, those two are in a separate universe.

So I have 4 universes thus so far and no names, none at all for any of them ;u;

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The art for the Sloan sticker is going to be redone as the artist has recently admitted to not being too fond of it. I'll post an update of that whenever they finish it (which might be a while as they're booked up)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've had a few people ask me if I plan to turn any of my current stories that I've posted on here into books and the answer is... I don't know. I've seen a lot of authors on here lean in that direction but I just don't feel quite ready for that yet. I still feel green when it comes to writing and it's not as refined as I'd like it to be.

I want to publish my stories for sure but only ones I feel would be worth publishing... if that makes any sense. The *To be published* stories are ones I've sat on for yeeeeeeeears. I've had stories stewing in my head begging to be written for a while now, shoot I'm still working on one I started eight years ago!

Any ways if there is a story of mine on here that you are interested in seeing edited for publishing I'm honestly curious to know. I'd have to figure out if you'd be interested in me taking the character x reader aspect out and making the reader a more fleshed out character themselves.

#dash updates #long update

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xxmidnightmochaxx · 1 month

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Uhhh more formal intro ig lessgooo!!!

(Sorry if some of this makes no sense I didn't sleep all night and I'm writing this before I probaly take a nap)

🐾Names🐾:

🐾I go by midnight, dogday, alastor or ghost mainly, but midnight is my main name and I've used that for years so I'd prefer if you call me that:)

🐾Pronouns🐾:

🐾They/he/xe/it/meow/paw/fizz

🐾Extras🐾:

🐾cat dad of two

🐾some Fandoms I'm in:Ghost, BATIM, FNAF, tattletail, dying light, TWD, COD, warrior cats, hazbin/helluva boss, resident evil, and more I js cannot think of em atm lol

🐾If you dm/message me please tell me why/be paitent, I suck at replying/forget+I am slightly socially anxious/shy asf. Lol

🐾My account is strictly 15+, unless your a underage friend and I gave you permission to follow me, if you are under 15 I'm sorry you gotta go. This is only because sometimes I will post stuff/reblog stuff that isn't exactly appropriate.(ex:gore) and also I swear. Alot..😶

🐾I am greyromantic/acespike and polyamorus with the partner limit of 3-4. I am dating two people atm, no, I will not date you if we just met. It takes me a bit to actully like someone. And by a bit I mean probaly longer than a "normal" person. Keep this in mind.

🐾Genders:Transmasc, agender, catgender, sodagender+femboy.(yes ik it might make no sense but like it's what labels me best I'm sorry)

🐾My discord incase u wanna be friends:xxsvnn1_dr0p_pawzxx

🐾keep in mind if you DO add me on discord, please let me know it's you.

🐾I will mirror your energy/treat you how you treat me. So if your being a dick don't complain I'm being one back, your asking for it mf.

🐾I'm otherkin and a furry :d

🐾I am a satanist. Do not force your religion on me. I will block you.

🐾 my account is mainly a safespace for almost everyone minus most people. Let's keep it that way.

🐾Interact!🐾:

🐾Otherkin

🐾xenogender users

🐾lgbtq+ people

🐾ppl who are 15 and over

🐾warrior cats fans

🐾hazbin/helluva fans

🐾People who have the same interests as me

🐾animal lovers

🐾recovering zoos/necrophiles(your on very thin ice though)

🐾Kinda almost everyone really, I don't really care as long as your 15 and over and respectful and not problematic.

🐾Do not interact🐾:

🐾people who are friends of someone named soldier fox(I do not want to talk about the drama that happaned, he did shit and drama happaned. It was like 3 years ago or some fucking shit. Leave it be and hop off my dick about it. Me and him have settled things, but I dont trust his friends to not come after me.)

🐾transphobes, homophobes, ableists, necrophiles, zoophiles, pedophiles.

🐾toxic christians/toxic people in general.

🐾others who force there religion on others.

🐾bigots in general really.

🐾people who are under 15 following this acc unless I gave you permission. But even I'll get out rules for you on what you can and can't do.

🐾People who kin problematic characters unless it's like- idfk like the silly side of them then idc. But if it's the problematic side fuck no get out(ex;valentino from hazbin hotel)

🐾catnap x dogday shippers(catnap is a 8 year old from what ik)

🐾catnap simps(again, that's a 8 year old from what ik)

🐾Boundries/can and cants🐾:

🐾yes:Jokingly flirting with me if we aren't dating, drawing my ocs/characters, asking to be friends(I will more than likely say yes), asking about art trades(never done one tho so you'd needa explain I'm sorry), using tonetags(I need them), asking to take info off of ocs of mine(as long as it's small depending on the oc)

🐾Ehhh:/srs flirting if we aren't together, being overly sexual with me, being an asshole, making certain jokes if it's coping or smth(I do it too js be sure to warn me pls)

🐾No/blocked:taking heavy inspo/taking my ocs, tracing my art/claiming my art as yours, not respecting Pronouns, idk I can't think of anymore rn

Uhh yeah can't think of anymore rn so yeah hope u enjoyed reading this have a cat meme

#introduction post #cat memes #introduction #help what else do i put idk oh my god

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mental-health-advice · 7 months

Note

Hi! You recently replied to an ask I sent in about friendships and I really appreciate everything you said, but I wanna say more. Sorry if this comes across as mean or something in any way since I'm essentially turning down (idk if that's the right phrase) what all you said! But I really do appreciate everything you said!

Anyways, you mentioned that sometimes in conversations I just need to say whatever comes to mind, and that makes sense, but the problem is that nothing comes to mind. Like, I try and talk to someone and my mind just goes blank. I can't think of anything to say, and all I can think about is my stress over talking to people. It just drives me insane sometimes seeing people have conversations, and seemingly knowing what to say, while I just can't, cause I literally can't think of anything. I think I managed to maybe once, and my friend just told me that I'm bad at conversations (which they've said at least 3 times to me in the past few months).

You also mentioned that sometimes it happens to others where they message someone and it doesn't get answered for ages or the conversation doesn't last for long, but my problem is that for me, it's everytime. Literally other than with my online friend, I can't hold a proper conversation. And I know my friends can, because I hear about all these things they send eachother, and conversations they've had, and all these times they've hanged out, and it's just sucky cause I just can't have that with anyone. And I know they have group chats without me, and are always doing things without me, and it's fine, but again it feels like I don't matter as much. And I'm just tired of only being liked because I'm nice.

Like, this one is silly, but it was my birthday recently and for everyone's birthday, as soon as it hits midnight, everyone in the group chat messages happy birthday and then posts photos of them and the person on their story, but they didn't do that for me. I had one person in that group say happy birthday to me, the rest all forget (I had one person outside of that group say it too), even my friend (not in this friendship group tho) I've known since I was 4 (I'm 19 now) forgot. (And, tbh, I don't even mind as much about them forgetting anyways. And unrelated but I feel shitty over the fact that I call them my best friend since I've known then for almost my entire life, but we barely talk and I barely know much about them.) And it's not a big deal, but it's just kinda sucky too. I eventually did mention it and some apologised but some didn't (one managed to post a happy birthday for a song but they couldn't message me lol). It just again makes me feel like I matter less.

And you mentioned how I have more people I can confide in, but I don't. I've confided in people maybe 4 times at most, and I've known the majority of them for around 7 years. And one of those times, the person had to leave right after I said that I'm not doing okay, so it doesn't really count.

Sorry for complaining, I'm just tired of feeling like I don't have really any proper friendships, and that I just can't make friends. Even people I have some similarities with, I still struggle talking to, and the one irl friend that was actually fairly easy to talk to is now moving to England, so. At this point I feel like my only proper friend is my sister, and that's great, but it's not the same.

Anyways, sorry again for complaining, and thank you so much for replying to my first message, and if you reply to this one too, than thank you again! <3

Hey there,

Please don’t feel bad with saying the advice that I gave to you wasn’t really helpful in your given situation!

When it comes to not knowing what to say in conversations/ how you may start a conversation is this something that you can think of beforehand. For example, over night or throughout the days when something comes to mind, note it down. So this may be things like the weather, what you have been up to/ doing lately, making plans with possibly doing something with one of your friends. In your mind, have the conversation with yourself. How might you answer different questions or keep the conversation going. If you do this often enough and practice with yourself, it may help to trigger you when you do have actual conversations with a friend in real life. It may also help you to know what you may be able be able to say/ answer questions that may arise (by thinking about possible answers to particular questions that you may think about when thinking of them beforehand.) I know that this may make you feel silly or self-conscious to begin with, but it can also help at times if you were to practice talking about this stuff in front of a mirror, like some people do when practicing to give a speech or an oral presentation to a class or group of people.

In terms of the conversation lagging or not being given answer/ reply to a message in a timely manner, yes this can be really difficult when it happens but again you don’t always know what a person may be doing/ going through when you message them that may delay or not reply to you at all. In your situation though, when others don’t reply to you at all, would you feel comfortable in bringing this to your friends/ other people’s attention? You may not get an answer that pleases you, but it can help at times to have it out in the open and know that you have tried to address this to others and consequently tired your best to deal with this particular issue. I know that again, it may not fix/ help to improve things, but you never know unless you try, Could you try to do this if you again feel comfortable in doing so? Sorry that I don’t have much more advice than that on this issue.

I am so sorry that other people don’t wish you a happy birthday when they do so for others in your friendship group. I am proud of you for bringing this to their attention though, I know that this would not have been easy to do at all! Another idea that you could try may be to start a conversation yourself with others when it’s the day of your birthday. I know that this won’t/ doesn’t feel the same as when other people do this on their own accord/ initiate the conversation, but it may help to prompt them or even remind them that it is your birthday and that it does matter when people acknowledge that in some form. Again, I know that this isn’t the same, but at least then others will hopefully be ‘forced’ in a way (sorry I don’t know how else to quite frame it) to then hopefully wish you a happy birthday in the end.

I know how hard it can be to confide in another person and I really don’t have much more advice with that apart from suggesting that it does get easier in time and sometimes, you just have to give it a go and see how it goes. So maybe start with something small and see how it goes. And if the other person goes quiet or leaves straight after you confide in them, then try to let them know (when you can) how this impacted on you/ how it left you feeling. Unfortunately sometimes, people will react in that manner (going quiet or physically walking away) but perhaps if they were to know how hurtful this is for you (as it would be to anyone) then hopefully they will put in more of an effort in the future.

I really do hope that this has been more helpful advice for you and again please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you and hope that you are going well!

Take care,

Lauren

#mha-lauren #advice #advice blog #mental health advice #anonymous #friends

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iloknalem · 8 months

Text

Its almost 11 PM in the library.

The ceiling, checkeredly patterned, with light fixtures in some of the squares, beaming down to the adequately illuminated, neatly packed tables. The library. It's "residents", slowly dwindling in numbers, as they one by one go home, internally smiling after one days worth of good work, while the rest, a number of them, are still left here, continuing their business, burning the midnight oil. The library.

Today is quite a cold day at the end of August, The HVAC systems sets itself accordingly, maintaining the internal temperature quite close to the outside, as to not give shock, making the Library somewhat chilly.

I forced myself to continue this draft of my thoughts, as I have not been able to do any studies today. This might be a multi day entry, I don't think ill be able to complete it in one go.

•

So, where do we go from here, now that you're so far away, knowing you feels like a lifetime ago. What should we do, when you avoid me like the plague.

•

It took me, quite a while, to give, to make some kind of order to my thoughts. To process my feelings. All has been sitting in the backlog, due to the impending Klausur and work I still have.

Today is a Thursday, which means I get to do my weekly meetings with my colleagues at work. The PR team is not as cohesive as it can be yet, but its getting there. We're planning to post some changes to our Instagram accounts. I hope it will go out soon.

•

Your reason, I respect it. I think its a good reason because it's honest.

I really dont want to think that you would want to just throw things up in the bin, all that we have. Youre just being true to your feelings, and thats something commendable. But still. "Gue sayang, tapi ngga romantically", what a blow that..... what KIND of fucked up lessons of life was this?

I really wonder when you said those words, does it means that i need to try to give what you actually want instead of what i thought you want, or that i havent tried hard enough for you, for us. Or maybe you expect me to be someone im not, to fill a triangle shaped hole he left you with my round shaped love. Or maybe, there is just no deeper meaning to it.

Wouldn't you want to just give us some more time, to make things work, to maybe carve the hole in our hearts slowly into a fucked up rounded triangle. I tried to, I don't know if you noticed nor care, and I didn't now if it was enough or not. Apparently its not enough for you I see.

You, having those kind of idealism of love, is that really realistic? Would anyone be able to accomplish that? Those kind of things hindered me on living back then, and so ive decided far long ago that true love doesn't exist, at least not in that sense.

Love for me, its just a matter of checks and balances, make compensations, but for a positive net outcome, and with all the hardships and problems, it looks like i've been tipped over.

Whats not enough from me? Is it because of how i look? How i do things? I've asked you whether im enough in your books or not. Did your answer comes out only to please me? Maybe I shouldn't have pressed you into the corner with this question back then.

I really want to know why I'm not enough, but at the same time, im also afraid to know, and face the realities. Being comfortable with myself, and accepting myself, has been a long unending journey for me, and i don't exactly want to jeopardize that either.

•

Its already the next week. I kept on postponing to post this one, as i dont have time, nor the energy, nor the capacity to continue on, assembling, this feeling of mine. I need to function.

This week is a hot week, which usually means it's the last hurrah of summer, before we slowy saunter into autumn.

Today, is also a Thursday. There's a new girl at the office, working at my department. Not exactly my type, but she seems fun and much more gen z-ish. She has much more knowledge about how Instagram works so its a fresh breath of air at the meeting today. Finally, were going somewhere interesting...

•

When you said all of that, did you consider how I would feel?

Did you try to see from my perspective, who see, someone I trusted, to see all the things we had, turn 180 degrees in a few moments, or in a few words in that matter.

I really wonder what runs through your mind when you finally said it. Did you consider about softening it up? Or did you think that brutal honesty is just the better way?

Did you even consider my feelings at all?

I hope you did, I want to believe you did, and sorry for making you do the hard part if you did.

And if you didn't, remember when i hesitate everytime we make plans? This. This is why.

And i dont know if you wholly catch it before, this is a big deal for me, something im afraid of, having someone i trust, just, go away with the wind, right under my nose. Even worse, right when i need them.

Betrayal of the highest order.

Didn't you promise to come back to me? You promised to fix things up? Were you contemplating about this thing since a long time? Was all of it just a lie?

Was it all just an act of pity around me? And maybe after all of it, now you're just that fully repulsed by me, and that I just forgot my place, and I shouldn't have even ask these questions.

I even got to some point where I had a glimpse of thought, that all of this might just be a very cleverly arranged revenge scheme from all of you guys. I don't even know. Unlikely, but not out of the question.

•

It's now almost 12 in the library, 2 weeks and 2 days after I started putting all of this into words. It has been a very hot week, and so I brought my small fan with me to the library. The view right across of me are of empty lonely chairs, left out on this Saturday night. My friends, they all went home early, to their partners, to enjoy the short weekend we have.

This, essay, has been a kind of outlier from the others. My other entries are mostly delve into my lowest points, but this one, I made it in a wide spread time, with considerable introspection to it. I would describe it as being written on a low plateau..

The last few weeks has been filled with unhealthy grinds and crippling temporary ecstasies, with me procrastinating, delaying the finishing of this writing, refusing acknowledgement to summarize my feelings. I feel like death. This cycle must end, and I need to close this chapter of my life.

•

I'm sorry I was rude and insensitive on the previous part, not considering how you would've feel back then too, but that is how it looked for me, how i felt, and i want to be honest.

Despite all of that, deep down, there's still a voice inside. A voice that tells me I should still want to fight for us.

Do I still love you? What's love anyway, lets just not use that phrase. I still think you're someone fun. Someone I don't mind, having around 'til the end of time. Is that love? I don't know.

I've lost my trust for you, and that's what keeping me on the fence.

But after all said and done, you might still be worth it, and as I said, that's all that actually matters for me at the end. The total balance.

...and I don't know if there would be another you. I feel like I'm going to miss out badly if I don't try. I really cherish us.

I don't know about you, how do you feel about me. Looking at how things are, it seems that you don't even want anything to do with me though. You're the one who asked to still be friends and yet, here we are.

About acting on this thought, I don't think I have the energy nowadays, nor the confidence, and maybe nor the time, to push again grandly, do it properly. I cant exactly afford to fail either, with my fathers breath looming behind my neck, asking me tetchily about my studies. And there's also lots of things I'm currently doing and I want to do too in the mean time.

Furthermore, I think making deep connections like this will just nauseate me these days.

But then again, I also feel that it's just my ego holding me back to reach out and try to fix all of, this. Is there anything I'm still able to do? I was also afraid that the reason you can't fall for me is because i sold myself too easily, and if i reach out then it would be counter-productive.

Sorry, that I'm not someone good with these kinds of initiative. It's just how I am.

Maybe that's ultimately why you can't fall for me, my indecisiveness.

•

So where do we go from here

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e-m-christina · 2 years

Text

Jealous - Rick Grimes Headcannon

A/n: This is part of a request which you can find HERE. I'm in the process of writing the rest of the prompts from that request (as well as a new Rick series 👀) but I won't be able to post anything else until next week because I'm away for the weekend.

Thanks for requesting and stay tuned! (Also it's almost Midnight, so please forgive any mistakes/if it seems rushed💛).

Pairing: Rick Grimes x Reader

Warnings: Implied smut (kinda), jealousy, kissing.

Requests: OPEN

MASTERLIST -- REQUESTING INFO

Rick never considered himself a jealous person. He had full trust in you and your relationship - he knew you would never intentionally hurt him.

Yet ever since you and Daryl had been going on runs more often, Rick found himself fretting over the possibility that you might leave him for Daryl.

Rick hated how your face lit up when Daryl cracked a joke, Rick hated how Daryl's gaze would linger on your lips when you smiled, and most of all, Rick hated that he was even having these thoughts about the two people he trusted most.

Even though Rick thought he had healed the wound Lori inflicted when she cheated on him with Shane, the pain still lingered.

And years later, he was now afraid the past would repeat itself - the love of his life would cheat on him with his bestfriend.

Of course, you had realized Rick was acting differently from usual. He seemed cold and distant - angry even, when Daryl approached.

When you asked Rick what was wrong, he would shake his head and change the subject.

At first you thought Rick and Daryl had gotten into an argument, but that idea was quickly scrapped when Daryl asked you what was wrong with Rick.

It wasn't until a few weeks later that you found out what was really bothering your boyfriend:

The scorching sun blazed high in the afternoon sky as you helped Daryl unload a truck full of supplies from your latest run.

"Hey Daryl, can you help me with this box? It's really hea-"

Just when you stepped back, your foot caught on the edge of a food crate and you went flying backwards.

Before you could react, two strong arms wrapped around your waist, breaking your fall.

"You a'right? That coulda been a nasty fall." Daryl asked as he pulled you upright.

"Yeah, I'm alright." You gulped, clutching Daryl's arm. "Thanks for catching me."

Before either you or Daryl could say anything else, someone cleared their throat behind you.

"Y/n can I talk to you?" Rick asked when you turned around. "Privately."

"Yeah of course, Rick. See you later Daryl!"

You followed Rick down the streets of Alexandria, towards your shared home in silence.

That's how you know when Rick is mad or upset - he stays silent. Which can be frustrating when you're trying to figure out what's bothering him or when you need to resolve an argument.

Once the front door clicked shut, you cautiously watched as Rick turned his back to you and folded his arms.

"So Rick, what did you want to talk about?" You asked, stepping closer.

Silence

"Rick," you repeated. "What's the matter-"

"IdontlikehowmuchtimeyouandDarylhavebeenspendingtogether."

You frowned, trying to make sense of the rushed jumble of words.

"Sorry, come again?" You asked.

Rick sighed and turned around to face you. "I said, I don't like how much time you and Daryl have been spending together.'"

Then hit you - Rick was jealous. He was jealous of Daryl and possibly worried that you'd cheat on him, which considering Rick's past with Lori, you could understand.

A wave of guilt washed over you, not because of anything you did, but because you didn't realise how Rick was feeling the entire time.

You grabbed his hand and forced him to look at you.

"Look at me, Rick. There is absolutely nothing, and I mean nothing going on between me and Daryl. I see him as a brother and nothing else. I would never cheat on you. I love you, and no one else."

You looked up at Rick with reassuring eyes, and for the first time in days, you saw a soft smile gracing his lips before he pulled you into a hug.

"I'm sorry I doubted you, darling. I know you wouldn't cheat on me. I love you too."

Just when you pulled back from the hug, Rick dipped his head down and pressed his lips against yours.

Your eyes fluttered shut as he pulled you closer. Heat flushed your cheeks as Rick trailed his warm hands down your body, squeezing and stroking as he went.

"I think we should take this upstairs." Rick murmured against your lips whilst his hands gripped your hips.

"I like the sound of that."

---

As I said, I'll be posting a lot more Rick content next week (the rest of the prompts from this request, as well as a new series). Comment if you want tagged :)

Thanks for reading and remember requests are open!

#rick #rick grimes #rick grimes x reader #rick grimes fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic #the walking dead x reader #the walking dead fanfiction #twd #jealous rick grimes #rick grimes fluff #daryl dixon #rick x reader x daryl

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dreamiesdotcom · 3 years

Text

perhaps, Cupid | nct dream

Summary: You lay down in your bed, watch 13 change to 14 as the clock passes 11:59. You close your eyes, sigh, and hope that the world stops at 12:00 before promptly deciding that Valentine's Day is cancelled.

word count: 2.3k

moon's note: idk why but i usually give gifts during occasions... and out of random... but since its v-day and i caNT give y'all any gifts because idk which part of the world you lovelies are at, so maybe you can please have 2322 words of my nonsense? I tried

When Lee Jeno, the infamous Na Jaemin's best friend, walked inside the room to the dance club's meeting room with all sheepish 'Hello's and eye-smiles, you underestimated just how much havoc he could bring into your life. He seemed way too soft for his own good like he had no mischief under his sleeve — the exact reason why when he poked your sides to get your attention and asked you if you'd "help the dumb kids get together", you were more thrilled than concerned.

Right now, you think you should've agreed with Renjun and said 'that's a bad idea'.

Donghyuck, Jaemin's dormmate, wasn't even there when you planned things out, but well, you blame him. Jaemin bitterly staring at Jisung as the younger gets cuddled by Chenle? Hyuck's fault. Jisung blushing incomprehensible whenever it's Jaemin's turn to dance? Hyuck's fault. It's been days and resident sweet boy absolutely makes no move to court Jisung? Hyuck's fault as well.

"This pining is painful to watch," even Renjun can't help but point out even if he didn't even agree to the plan. Jeno sends you a victorious smile. "Jaemin, he's crushing hard on you."

"Yes, but what if he doesn't like me because—" you don't even get to clearly hear his reasons. You shake your head. Jeno's smile falters.

Jaemin sulks a lot about Jisung spending more time with Renjun than he does with Chenle, and asks the other if Jisung has a crush on him. Renjun groans in loathing, asks him to just go and make a move and repeats the same speech for days. Days turn to weeks, weeks turn to months, and absolutely nothing happens.

Oh, well, maybe something did. Maybe along the way, you realized that Lee Jeno is one hell of an attractive man.

"Heaven's, Jeno, stop it! Stop pushing me to the side, I can't see what they're doing!"

"They're reading a book for the subject Jisung's tutoring Jaemin in."

"It's a library. Aren't you just inquisitive? That's why they're here. Now let me see!"

"Y/N!"

"Jeno!" you hiss back, still whisper-yelling turning to decently state at him only to find that he's already looking at you. You tilt away in shock, "Flippity pancakes, distance!"

You see, when you start matchmaking, the goal is to get people together — definitely not fall in love with your partner in crime.

"Just say fuck, no one would kill you," he hisses back. The same whining tone is there as he peeks on the other table, "Saying 'flippity pancakes' in a weird accent doesn't wash away your intentions, so just say it already."

"No."

"I dare you."

"No!"

"I double-dare you."

"Jeno."

"Y/N."

"No."

"Do it," he huffs,"Say 'fuck'."

The way he mouths it as if teaching a child to say their first words make you burst out laughing, and for the rest of the day, you forget the mission and get lost into playing games of your own in the library, muffled hums and all. Renjun decides that he's not gonna get any studying done at this table and waves you both goodbye, and you watch as Jeno smiles at him, an expression worthy to compare to that of a luminous star.

And oh, you're in love.

It wasn't all your fault, though. Jeno was way too pretty, too lovely to not fall for. It just so happens that like the fate of you and all things beautiful, you don't deserve him.

You don't deserve him, so he never gets to know.

###

"Be my date for Valentine's day?"

"Hell no."

Apparently, his family has this little gathering that coincidentally matched that time, and he stubbornly refuses to go alone. Why you ask? No reason. He just doesn't want to 'go alone and be forced to socialize with mean cousins' and you spent most of the time teasing about how he's probably one of the mean kids in his family. The rest of the bus ride on the way to school remains silent aside from the neverending proposals and bribings — "I'll treat you candy for one month! I'll do whatever you say for three months! I'll even do your assignments!"

It would be a lie to say it's not tempting, but oh, isn't this just the perfect opportunity to ask Jisung out? The enthusiasm in Jeno's eyes matches yours, and the answer is obvious here: Exactly.

For a whole different reason, the bus ride home is silent too. You sit side by side in pure quiet, Jaemin tugging at your sleeves every now and then to gain your attention. You brush him off, keeping your head against the glass with your eyes closed. You don't speak even after getting inside his apartment and the indifference makes Donghyuck pause halfway his concerned nagging, deciding to usher Renjun and Jeno out with such lame excuse of buying ingredients for dinner.

You go straight to their bathroom to get some supplies, and Jaemin sits on the couch, antsy. He silently curses Donghyuck for leaving, Huang Renjun and Lee Jeno too, those traitors. You sit in front of him, doing your stuff without making eye contact.

"Please talk to me—"

"Shut up."

A dejected whimper leaves his lips, and you quite possibly break. You sigh as if to calm down, and you mutter a warning: "Don't."

"But why aren't you talking to me?"

Why... why would you even ask that?

"You promised me, Jaemin. You made a promise to me." you coldly say, dainty fingers pressing cotton against the cut in his lip. "You promised me that you'll stop getting into fights."

Realization seems to flash in his eyes. He seems torn between reasoning and apologizing, but first, he chases after the hand you pulled away from him. You shrug him off harshly this time.

"I did, for the longest time, you saw that! But he called Jisung a—" he looks at you with betrayed eyes, as if a kicked puppy. He never liked that tone. He never liked how distant that felt coming from you, so tears brim his eyes. "Don't be so cold to me..."

"Jisung let him be. Isn't that enough hint that it's not worth it?" your tone remains the same. The fear in your chest remains stubborn, and no matter how many times he squeezes the hand he's holding, it doesn't bring you ease. It only urges tears that you try so hard to hold back as you croak out,

"Jaemin, this will not make him fall in love with you."

The world seems to pause.

"But I already love him." He answers quickly, honestly, and the raw sincerity in his tone is just a fine, thorough stab in the gut. "And I just want to protect him."

It's painful how you're not even regretting this as much as you should — maybe, part of the reason you keep on chasing him is because it's painful. True to your twisted self, maybe it's the sole reason after all. You don't know why you keep on doing this to yourself — you hate it. You hate how the more things hurt you, the deeper you fall. You hate how you can't seem to tear away from him as quick as possible because you know that what comes next will be even more painful, and might even destroy you.

With all these thoughts inside your mind, you let him lean his head in the crook of your neck, holding him in the way you always wanted. Selfishly, you hope that it could always be like this.

"I know, Nana..." you whisper, his locks soft as silk as you brush them with your fingers. "and for the exact same reason, I want to protect you too."

You take a deep, shaky breath. "So don't hurt yourself. Not for anyone, not for the world... no matter how much you love them."

Why is it so easy to say the things that'd keep you safe, but so hard to even attempt just following them? It's as if the Universe wants you hurt, wants to see you bleed unshed blood. It doesn't make sense.

The rules have been pretty simple; never fall in love. You're helping people get together — you come later, priorities first. Don't fall in love; not with your partner, not with your other accomplices, and especially, not with the fools you're helping.

The rule has been simple. Only that you think, it was way easier to break them than to follow, and you've failed this rule pretty early on.

Just how can you not adore Na Jaemin?

###

You laugh loudly, almost hitting your head to your headboard as you look at Jisung's post. In the picture, Jaemin smiles bubbly, and the caption's way too cheesy to read. Even though you were the one who helped them get together, it's still hard to believe that they actually did, these messes of human beings. You type out a quick 'Congrats to surviving one year together. Give credits to my brain cells, pls' and then turning the device off.

You lay down in your bed, watch 13 change to 14 as the clock passes 11:59. You close your eyes, sigh, hope the world stops at 12:00 before promptly deciding that Valentine's Day is cancelled.

Your phone vibrates in your hold, and you grumble.

From: not hyuck

It's Valentine's day

Let's use that as an excuse to get ice cream at midnight

You stir, set on ignoring his message, but you quickly shoot up once you hear the sound of something — hopefully not pebbles, God, let it not be pebbles — hitting your window. Seriously?!

To: not hyuck

Is that

Is that you throwing stones at my fucking window

STOP YOU MIGHT BREAK THE GLASS

And that's exactly how you found yourself with sticky fingers from the desert's residue, watching red lights cover the city in celebration of love. It seems ironic. Today of all days, you don't feel dear at all — it's alright, you convince yourself, it's been a year and it's hurting less now.

It's all lies, of course. It doesn't matter that it wasn't this painful all the other days; what matters is that now it hurts, and it fucking hurts like hell.

From up here, if you spread your arms and think hard enough, the wind would make it seem as though you're flying. You do just like that, the flavor of vanilla suddenly so bitter on your tongue as you realize that there's no escape. Oh, how you hate this day. It makes you chuckle.

Renjun sighs, "What's troubling you?"

"Fun. What gave me away?"

"Your eyes." He shrugs. "They sure tell more things about you than your mouth does."

"How do they look?" you ask out of curiosity, unconsciously moving up to feel your lashes. "My eyes..."

"Well, right now... they look kind of conflicted. Sad. Happy. Somewhere in between, like the person who owns them... doesn't really know. And, well, they're incredibly..." Renjun ponders for a bit; beautiful, he wanted to say. "Hard to read."

"Doesn't sound like it if you said that much."

Did it sound so rude that you were nonchalant? Probably. You're too tired to mind, though. It'd be a lie to say you didn't expect this, to feel alone once they get together, to be scared of being erased in their lives, to be afraid of being less important now. You knew none of them would be real, but that doesn't stop you from being afraid. Would it make sense to say you don't care at all, at this point? To say you don't give a damn when truly, you do. You care so much you feel indifferent.

"You liked them, didn't you?"

And then comes along the question you're most afraid of.

"You were in love with Jisung... now, you're in love with Jaemin." he muses to himself, "Yet you're the one making sure they end up together. What the hell are you?"

Since there's no place for lies in friendship...

"Do you see the way they look? They deserve to be happy, and me... well. Well, I..." you search for words you can't seem to find. After all, you don't even know where to go now — isn't this what you wanted? For Jisung and Jaemin to get together. What's this all about? You bemusedly shake your head, "Should've just fallen for you, huh."

Accelerate, heartbeat, flying — you turn to look at his direction — your eyes tell, your eyes say so much... how do you feel?

"You'd catch me, right, Renjunnie?"

"I'm not some back-up plan, excuse you." He rolls his eyes, huffing, "But, why not? Certainly. Would be my pleasure."

You stare at him in wonder, awestruck, amused and amazed. It's just a random joke you made so you wouldn't have to answer him truthfully, but goddamn, this — you feel oddly seen, chosen; as if you've never been chosen before. Maybe he's right. His heart picks up speed as more minutes pass in silence, so he looks away and smiles sheepishly.

Renjun closes his eyes briefly, "You didn't answer my question, though. To do whatever the hell you were doing... what the fuck are you?"

Both poison and sugar linger on your lips as you smile.

"Perhaps, Cupid."

Maybe, yes, right, Cupid. Makes sense. A matchmaker who creates perfect love, and quite possibly, trouble. Always setting people up but maybe not themselves. Renjun agrees, and so he whispers,

"Suits you. An angel."

You stare at him again, only this time around it's soft but startled, and for a brief moment of losing himself, Renjun whispers in his mind — hey, Cupid. Love me, will you?

Instead, in the real world, he gives you the same exact gaze — only fonder. Renjun knows. He knows that you fell in love thrice in this journey; once, with Park Jisung, another, with Lee Jeno, and lastly, with Na Jaemin.

Maybe, just maybe, Renjun wishes that at this tale of Valentine's chapter closed, you'll fall in love with him too.

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