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crazyenthusiastkryptonite · 4 months

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pucksandpower · 3 months

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Of Roomates and Revenge

Lewis Hamilton x fake girlfriend!Reader

Featuring Max Verstappen, Lando Norris, Charles Leclerc, Pierre Gasly, Esteban Ocon, and Nico Rosberg

Summary: in which your search for a free place to stay leads to helping one half of Brocedes live out his petty fantasy for revenge … and falling in love while doing so

Cat and Apartment Sitter Needed (Monaco)

Compensation: €1500/week plus all the Red Bull you can drink

I’m a world-traveling young professional who is rarely home. My two beautiful and rambunctious bengal cats need someone to stay with them in my Monaco apartment whenever I’m away for work.

The ideal candidate will be an experienced cat person who is prepared to deal with a lot of energy, chaos, and shenanigans from these two little terrors. They knock everything off every surface, wrestle at 3am, and will likely attempt to smother you while you sleep. If you can handle that, we’ll get along just fine.

In addition to caring for the cats, you will need to keep my place relatively tidy (i.e. no crushed Red Bull cans or fast food wrappers everywhere), collect any packages or mail that arrives, and randomly turn a few lights on and off every evening so the neighbors don’t get suspicious.

The position is ideal for a mature student, digital nomad, or someone between living situations who wants an amazing place to stay for free in one of the world’s hotspots.

Drop me a line if you think you can handle the cats from hell and wouldn't mind living in a 230 m² penthouse apartment with a private terrace, floor-to-ceiling windows, and a badass view of the Mediterranean. Preference goes to non-smokers who follow directions well and won’t throw ragers when I’m gone.

Send a brief intro, your experience with cats, and a couple photos attached. Urgently need someone for various stretches starting mid-February.

Do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers.

Live-in Cactus Caretaker Needed (Monaco)

Compensation: €1000/week, free snacks, and you can play my Xbox

I’m a young dude who’s rarely home because of my job that involves a lot of international travel. I have a single cactus plant that I promised my mum I would keep alive until she visits again. The thing is ... I have absolutely no idea how to care for plants. Like, I nearly killed it the first week by forgetting it existed.

What I need is someone responsible who can essentially live in my swanky Monaco apartment whenever I’m gone and keep my tiny cactus friend alive.

Duties would include:

Watering the cactus like ... once a month? Twice a month? I don’t know how often it needs water

Not letting the cactus die in any other way (pretty sure they need sunlight too … I think)

Keeping the place tidy (I’m a bit of a mess)

In return, you’d get:

A sick apartment all to yourself with a stunning view, giant TV, and full kitchen (please for the love of god be careful in there ... I almost burned the place down trying to make a grilled cheese once. Seriously, I'm not exaggerating. I almost went up in flames over a silly sandwich. If you can't even operate a microwave, we may have problems. There’s only room for one idiot like that in Monaco — and it’s me)

Unlimited snacks/drinks from my well-stocked pantry

Free rein over my gaming setup (just don’t break anything)

First dibs on any events/reservations I can’t make

The ideal person is responsible, shows they can follow basic instructions for cactus care, laidback since you’ll be alone a lot, and trustworthy enough not to wreck the place or throw illegal parties. Having a green thumb would be great, but frankly if you can manage not to kill the one plant, that’s good enough for me.

Send a brief bio about yourself and your qualifications as a cactus/housesitter if interested! I’m gone quite frequently starting in February so could use someone ASAP.

No scammy offers or soliciting, please!

Roommate Needed to Drink Wine and Listen to My Woes (Monaco)

Compensation: Free rent in a nice apartment, plus all the wine you can drink

Are you a good listener? Do you enjoy dry red wines and occasional bouts of tears and venting? If so, I’ve got the perfect living situation for you!

I’m a youngish guy with a high-stress job that involves a lot of traveling. When I’m home in Monaco, I tend to unwind by polishing off a couple bottles of nice Bordeaux or Burgundy while complaining about work, my colleagues, and my rival who is giving me really mixed signals.

What I need is a roommate who doesn’t mind a little drunken blubbering here and there.

You’ll get:

Your own bedroom in my spacious 2BR/2BA apartment in the La Condamine district

Rights to my kitchen, living room with large TV, piano, and music recording equipment

Access to the building’s pool, sauna, fitness center, and lounge areas

As much wine as you can drink (and more)

In exchange, you’ll be expected to:

Listen to my periodic rants and rave sessions without judgement

Preferably nod along or offer supportive-sounding feedback like “Yeah, that’s really tough man” or “Wow, they sound terrible”

Refill wine glasses as needed

Maybe rub my back or pat my head if I’m really going through it

The ideal candidate is a decent human being who can empathize with the high-pressure struggles of a young professional trying to make it in a cut-throat career.

You’ll need a decent amount of free time and lots of patience. Prior experience as a life coach, therapist, or sympathetic drinking buddy is a plus.

If you can handle crying guys after a few too many glasses of Châteauneuf-du-Pape, inquire within! Include a little about yourself and why you would make a good non-judgmental wine friend. Merci!

Expand Your Search? Similar Opportunities:

Impartial Referee Wanted for Parking Lot Brawls (France)

Compensation: €400 per event

Two athletic young men in their late-20s are looking for a level-headed third party to oversee and officiate their semi-regular parking lot boxing matches. Yes, you read that right — we’re talking straight-up fisticuffs in the back alley behind the Circuit Paul Ricard.

A little background: We’ve been frenemies/rivals since we were kids — constantly competing in friends, employment opportunities, you name it. There’s a healthy amount of hatred between us that simply can't be resolved through words alone. Every few months, we feel the need to just take out our pent-up aggression on each other's faces.

Up until now, it’s been an unregulated shitshow with no real rules or oversight. We’re looking for someone impartial who can:

Set some fair ground rules around where/how we can strike

Ensure no prop weapons get involved (last time he tried to scalp me with a wrench)

Officiate and declare a winner once one of us is knocked out or quits

Ideally have some basic first-aid skills in case of a nasty cut or broken nose

We will pay €400 cash at the start of each bout. You’ll get a free show of two extremely fit dudes wailing on each other until there’s a clear victor.

Loser exits with his tail between his legs, winner gets to gloat for the next couple months until we run it back.

If you can be a neutral third party and aren’t squeamish about a little blood, send us your info with some details about yourself and your experience resolving conflicts (legally or not). First come first served — our next fight is tentatively scheduled for mid-May!

No flakes or perverts, please. Serious connoisseurs of violence only.

P.S. Don’t be scared to give out penalties (one of us is used to that)

Actor or Actress Needed to Annoy Ungrateful Ex-Friend (Monaco)

Compensation: €2700 per week, free luxury accommodations

I’m a successful guy in my late 30s looking to hire someone to pretend to be my significant other for a few months. Before you get the wrong idea, let me explain ...

I had a major falling out with a former best friend who stabbed me in the back years ago. We live in the same apartment building, just one floor apart.

I’m trying to show him how amazing my life still is without him … and maybe make him jealous in the process.

That’s where you come in. I need you to move into my penthouse temporarily and act as my gorgeous new boyfriend/girlfriend.

Your main duties would include:

Loudly introducing yourself to said ex-friend by knocking on his door and being line “Hi, is [insert my name] here?” Then pretend to be embarrassed and apologize when he tells you that you’re at the wrong apartment

Hang out in the hallway near his place and have very loud fake conversations detailing our imaginary passionate nights together (rated R)

Post cringy coupley photos on your social media of us dressed up going out, cuddling on my yacht, etc

Ideally you’re an aspiring actor/actress or just a really convincing liar. Being somewhat loud and dramatic is a plus. You’ll need to be willing to play along if my petty ex-friend tries to confront us.

In return, you’ll be living in a lavish penthouse with all the amenities for free. You’ll have your own private suite and can hang out on the oversized balcony, by the pool, or in the media room when you’re off the clock. Might also be able to introduce you to some high-profile people if you’re trying to network.

Oh, and my bulldog will provide plenty of cuddles.

If you can pull off a remarkably realistic fake partner act and aren’t afraid of a little light deception, hit me up! Please include a couple photos plus a bit about yourself and your acting experience. Aiming to start mid-April.

I’m an equal opportunity employer — girlfriend, boyfriend, nonbinary partner, you name it. All genders welcome to apply for the role if you’ve got what it takes! Only preference is that you have especially luscious hair … for reasons.

No weirdos please.

Hi,

Okay, I have to admit — your ridiculous request to hire a fake girlfriend to make your ex-best friend jealous is quite possibly the pettiest thing I’ve ever heard. And I absolutely love it.

I’m literally the perfect person for this role. Petty vengeance is my middle name (well, not really, it's actually Y/M/N ... but you get the idea).

A little about my qualifications:

Took some theatre electives in university so I can really sell the dramatics

Lots of experience putting on an Oscar-worthy performance faking ... well, you know ... thanks to my douchebag ex-boyfriend who couldn’t be bothered to learn how to pleasure a woman 🙄

Not afraid to get LOUD and will happily reenact our “passionate nights” at earsplitting volumes in that hallway

Can pull off playing dumb if your friend tries to interrogate me about you (“Oh [whatever your name is]? Yeah he’s just the best at ... stuff”)

No shame in my pettiness game — I once spent my weekly paycheck on a Cameo just so an ex’s favorite celebrity would call him a dingleberry

In terms of looks, I’ve been told I have just the right amount of “hot” to make your poor pal jealous without it being too unbelievable. I’m attaching a few photos for reference.

Let me know if you want to meet up for a glass of wine and we can workshop some juicy storylines for our imaginary romance. Perhaps I was a former fling you rediscovered? A hot younger thing giving you a new lease on life? The possibilities are endless!

I’m a pro at faking it, so selling our relationship will be a piece of cake. Your ex-friend will be bright green with envy by the time I’m through!

Let’s make him regret the day he double-crossed you, babe.

Cheers,

Y/N

r/offmychest

u/NotBritneySpears · 16h

My ex-best friend’s new girlfriend is the WORST!

I really need to get this off my chest. My upstairs neighbor’s new girlfriend is, without a doubt, the most insufferable human being on the planet. She’s loud, obnoxious, and seems to take immense pleasure in tormenting me for some reason.

A little background: I used to be really close friends with my neighbor. We had a big falling out a while back over ... well, it’s a long story. We don’t talk anymore and there’s a lot of resentment between us. Clearly the universe is trying to get back at me now with this new girl.

This chick has made it her personal mission to give me a play-by-play account of every single intimate encounter she has with him. And I mean DETAILED accounts. The other day I was just trying to enjoy my morning coffee and I hear her incredibly shrill voice from right outside my door:

“Oh he was an ANIMAL last night! The things he did with his tongue, I thought I was going to pass out!”

Like, seriously? Keep it to yourself, weirdo! That’s just the tame stuff too. Sometimes she’ll go into pretty graphic detail describing body parts and positions that I really didn’t need a mental picture of.

Here’s the thing — she quite obviously positions herself to be as close as possible to my apartment without actually trespassing — I mean, she doesn’t even live on my floor for god’s sake! So every word comes through crystal clear. I’ve confronted her about it a few times and she just plays dumb, like:

“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry if I was being loud! We just get so carried away sometimes, you know how it is,” with this stupid ditzy valley girl voice and hair toss.

I don’t know if my former best friend put her up to this or if she’s just a massive troll in her own right. But it’s like psychological warfare at this point. Literally ANY time I’m home, I have to listen to her yap about their Sex Olympian-level escapades.

My wife even heard them once and thought I was playing porn at an insane volume! She doesn’t believe me that it’s just this deranged lady running her mouth constantly.

I’m half-tempted to start recording her rants and blast them back at full volume to give them a taste of their own medicine. Or maybe start describing lurid details of my own (admittedly not quite so colorful) sex life in retaliation.

I don’t know, maybe I’m being oversensitive. But living under these two insufferable assholes is a waking nightmare. I need to move or something because this is massively affecting my peace of mind. Who knows if they will ever get bored of tormenting me and move on.

Rant over. Thanks for letting me vent about the neighbors from hell.

u/chronicgossiper · 12h

Damn, that sucks man. Your neighbor and his gf sound like immature assholes trying to get a rise out of you. I’d look into noise complaint options or even see if you can get them evicted for harassment.

Reply to u/chronicgossiper · 11h

Seriously? You really think the landlord would evict someone over this? It’s not like they’re blasting music at 3am. Sounds more like passive aggressive pettiness than anything illegal.

u/chronicgossiper · 10h

Idk, having to listen to people loudly describe their sex acts against your will seems like it could qualify as harassment or creating a hostile environment. Worth exploring at least if they won’t stop.

u/NotBritneySpears · 9h

Eviction isn’t really an option here since we all own our apartments and there’s no landlord dictating that. It’s not that type of building.

u/nosyandproud · 8h

Did your former friend move into that building first or did you move in knowing he lived there?

u/NotBritneySpears · 7h

He was there first, I bought my place a few years after him when I could afford it. Never expected he'd pull something this childish.

Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 6h

So you willingly moved into the same building as your ex-best friend that you aren’t on speaking terms with? That’s just asking for drama, dude.

u/NotBritneySpears · 5h

It’s a great building in an amazing location. I wasn’t going to not pursue the opportunity just because he lives there too. It’s a big place, I didn’t think we’d be running into each other much.

Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 4h

Still seems like a weird decision to willingly insert yourself into his orbit like that if the relationship was so fractured. Probably should’ve seen some fallout coming.

u/nosyandproud · 3h

Yeah exactly, why would you move somwhere your ex-friend lives if you two clash that much? Kinda put yourself in this situation.

u/NotBritneySpears · 2h

Okay, let me be clear — he and I were best friends for over a decade before we had a colossal falling out a few years ago. We’re not just some casual ex-buddies who don’t get along. We were legitimately very close for most of our lives until things went nuclear between us. When I decided to move into the building, our friendship had been over for a while already. I really didn’t anticipate he’d take things to this vindictive level years later. I’m not going to miss out on my dream home just because of what happened between us.

Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 1h

This is getting juicyyy, do tell about what caused the falling out!

u/NotBritneySpears

Not really trying to dredge up old drama, that’s a whole other can of worms. The girlfriend situation is annoying enough as is.

Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 51m

Fair enough, you gave context. Still think you two need to have an adult conversation about boundaries. Purposely trying to loudly narrate their sex life at you is unhinged.

r/relationships

u/yourusername · 19h

I’m catching real feelings for the guy who hired me to be his fake girlfriend to get revenge on his ex-friend ... help?

Buckle up folks, because I’ve got one hell of a tangled situation to unpack here. This is going to be a long one.

About a month ago, I responded to this Facebook Marketplace ad from a guy (let’s call him L) looking to hire someone to pretend to be his new girlfriend. The goal was to make his former best friend/downstairs neighbor jealous after a brutal falling out between them.

I know, I know, it sounds ridiculous. But the benefits were good and I’d be living in his insane luxury penthouse in Monaco rent-free. More importantly, I really vibed with L’s pettiness and desire to get deliciously pathetic revenge on his ex-friend. My last boyfriend was the actual worst, so I was absolutely here for any slightly insane Karen antics.

Anyway, we hit it off immediately at the “audition” over drinks. L is brilliant, successful, gorgeous, and fucking hilarious in a sarcastic, unfiltered way. We both have a wicked mean streak and frankly get off on emotionally messy situations. It was like looking into a mirror — two beautiful trainwrecks finding each other in the wreckage.

From night one, we had crazy chemistry. The back-and-forth banter was electric, we finished each other’s sentences, etc. I felt so comfortable around him despite the bizarre circumstances. I assumed it was all fun and games to toy with his former best friend.

But over the last few weeks of loudly chronicling our “sex marathons”!outside said ex-friend’s door and doing phony coupley things around the city, I’ve realized my feelings are ... complicated. L and I CONNECT on a deeper level, in addition to just being partners in crime. We’ll be tangled up watching movies and he’ll make some perfectly timed quippy comment that has me cackling until my abs hurt. Or we’ll get deliriously wasted and end up baring our souls about our upbringings, dreams, fears — everything.

I’ve never been so open or comfortable around someone before. Our walls are gone. And the most messed up part? Some small, perverse part of me loves the strange intimacy we’ve manufactured through this farce. How much closer can you get than meticulously co-creating a fictional relationship?

In the beginning, I think we were both just in it for the laughs and pettiness factor. But something shifted for me recently. One night we were drunkenly rehearsing how I was going to describe our latest imaginary tryst to his ex-friend and ... I don’t know, I couldn’t stop staring at his lips while he was talking. His face was so close to mine and I felt breathless. In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to ditch the script and really kiss him. I had to physically stop myself from lunging forward.

Later, when I went back to my room, I was hit with a crushing wave of realization — I have actual romantic FEELINGS for this basketcase who hired me to play-act as his girlfriend! What the actual fuck?

Guys, I’m in too deep. How did I let this happen? L is technically still my employer and this whole operation has an expiration date. His former friend is already growing visibly annoyed, so Phase 2 (feign a dramatic breakup, I move out, L moves on with his life) is likely coming up very soon.

Do I just bury my feelings and end this gig without saying anything? Do I risk the humiliation of confessing my heart to someone who was only pretending to want me around? Or should I just go for it and make out with him next time we’re tangled on the couch? I’m spiraling here!

The pettiness that brought us together may also tear us apart. Or maybe I’m just a sad clown who read too much into a fake relationship. Someone slap me with a reality check, please! I need perspective from the outside.

Tl;DR - Developed legit romantic feelings for the guy who hired me to be his fake girlfriend as part of his weird revenge plot. Not sure if I should come clean, keep it professional, or start actually making out with him for real. This was NOT part of the deal!

u/judgingloudly · 18h

Oh honey, you are in a MESS. This is like a bad romcom plot but IRL. I think your only real option is to fess up and tell L how you’re feeling. Contrary to popular belief, the fake dating trope doesn’t always have to stay pretend!

If he doesn’t feel the same way, at least you put it all out there and can move on with some dignity intact. But who knows — from how you describe the crazy chemistry and connection, he might feel relieved you said something first! Don’t let this fire burn out without taking your shot. Oh and definitely keep us updated, I’m invested now!

Reply to u/judgingloudly · 17h

I agree with this take. You already acknowledged you’re in too deep emotionally. Might as well put those cards on the table and let the chips fall where they may. Shooting your shot is always better than letting the “what if” eat away at you forever!

u/livefordrama · 16h

I’m sorry but I simply must ask — how did you land a gig like this? And does he happen to have any more openings for a fake girlfriend? Asking for a friend …

u/yourusername · 15h

Honestly it was a random Facebook ad looking for exactly this — a girl to move in and fake date this guy to drive his feuding neighbor up the wall. I applied semi-joking but he picked me!

As for openings, not that I know of ... yet. I may have to quit soon depending how this all plays out, so will keep you posted if my spot opens up!

Reply to u/yourusername · 14h

Omg please do! I would 100% take on a role like this, it sounds like a total riot.

u/unpaidtherapist · 13h

Girl, I think you already know what you have to do here. Is keeping things professional and never admitting your feelings really an option at this point? You’re clearly enamored with this guy and he seems to reciprocate the intensity at least platonically so far. I say GO FOR IT!

Just pull him aside one day, say “hey this isn’t just an act for me anymore, I really like you and need to know if there’s a possibility for us or not.” If he’s as caught off guard and freaked out as you’re implying, a direct conversation is needed to get those cards on the table. Don’t die wondering “what if?” That’s my advice.

u/everydayopportunist · 12h

This is so wild, I’m living for this drama! Seriously might need to pursue some similar gigs myself, apparently that’s where all the romance happens these days 😂

u/devilsadvocate · 11h

I’m sorry but I have to go against the grain here — please do NOT make a move or confess any feelings! This guy hired you for a very specific job under very specific pretenses. Catching real feels was not part of the deal at all. Selfishly throwing that at him out of the blue would be so unfair after he opened his home to you. I worry he could feel betrayed and violated even if he did secretly like you back.

My advice? Give it a few weeks, see if these feelings persist or if it was just a passing crush brought on by the intimacy you’ve found yourselves in. If it’s still intense after cooling off, then maybe consider looping him in. But don’t go nuclear until you're absolutely sure. You could risk imploding a good work situation and friendship over a temporary infatuation. Tread very lightly!

Reply to u/devilsadvocate · 10h

I’m with this take, OP shouldn’t jeopardize her living situation if her feelings might be fleeting. Taking a step back and giving it more time could provide clarity. It’s easy to get caught up in the fantasy.

The more prudent move is to wait until the “job” wraps up before considering opening that can of worms. If feelings persist minus the contrived closeness, she’ll know it's real. But springing it on the guy now seems wildly unfair and could blow up in her face.

r/AmITheAsshole

u/veganGOAT · 15h

AITA for turning down my fake girlfriend after she admitted feelings, only to want her back days later?

I think I may have tremendously fucked up in a spectacularly messy way. Let me walk you through the tangled web I’ve woven ...

A couple months ago, I (39M) hired this woman to essentially move into my apartment and pretend to be my new girlfriend. I know it sounds batshit crazy … but I was trying to make my ex-best friend/neighbor jealous after a bitter falling out between us.

She was the perfect partner for this ruse — sarcastic and spunky, with a hint of unhinged energy. We bonded instantly over bottles of wine and throwing deliciously overblown “loud sex” performances in the hallway to drive my ex-friend nuts. What was meant to be a transaction quickly bloomed into a legitimately fun, effortless friendship.

Soon after, we started having real sex. It sort of just … happened, albeit very awkwardly at first. Like “well this is weird, want to try it for real just to see?” And what do you know, we had insane chemistry between the sheets too! We were soon sleeping together nearly every night, always swearing afterwards that it was “just for fun” and didn’t mean anything more.

But I started catching feelings. She was hilarious, confident, beautiful — everything I could ever want in a partner. We had connected on a deeper level through the medium of batshit pettiness. And our physical intimacy only amplified that bond.

Cut to a couple weeks ago. We had just finished a particularly athletic round and were cuddled up, spent. Out of nowhere, she pipes up nervously: “Hey … I think I’m really falling for you. I don't want this to just be sex or games anymore. I want to really try being together.”

I froze. The words I had been longing to hear suddenly terrified me in that moment. My throat clenched up as a wave of panic crashed over me (yes, I’m well aware of how stupid this was in hindsight). After an agonizing pause, I managed to choke out: “I’m sorry, but I can’t do that. This thing between us was only ever supposed to be fake. I don’t think of you that way.”

I could actually see her face crumble. She quickly mumbled “okay” and slid out of my bed, wrapping a sheet around herself to cover her dejection. I swear I heard muffled sobs through the wall once she was back in her guest room. I felt like a piece of shit.

The next few days were some of the most awkward, brutal tension I’ve ever experienced. She was now acting like a scorned woman just doing her job, no intimacy whatsoever. We could barely make eye contact.

It took seeing her so closed off, so cold, for me to realize how much I desperately missed her warmth, humor, friendship. How much I longed for the easy intimacy we once had, both emotional and physical. I tried a few times to apologize or explain myself, but she brushed me off — utterly walled off to protect herself.

After days of wrestling with my suppressed feelings, I realized that I was in love with this wonderful woman. Hiring her as a fake girlfriend was one of the best things I had ever done because it brought her into my life … and now I didn’t want to let her go. She was becoming my person, even if she had started out as a farce.

But here’s where I really need some impartial perspective — AITA for freezing up and rejecting her confession?

I didn’t meant to tank her feelings so callously. I think I just ... panicked in that moment. The idea of committing to a real relationship terrified me in ways I didn’t expect. My career keeps me constantly on the go, always jet-setting to the next thing. Could I really give a romance the time and energy it deserves right now?

Part of me also felt massively conflicted about the circumstances. I’m literally paying her to pretend to be my girlfriend as a sort of ongoing petty revenge. If I admitted I wanted to actually date her, wouldn't that blur consent lines in some messed up way? Like, is she just going along with it because she’s on the payroll?

I know these both sound like flimsy excuses, but they were very real fears racing through my mind in that moment. Fears that made me impulsively reject her, despite how utterly gone I was.

Now, days later, those same hangups don’t seem so insurmountable. Maybe she and I could make something work, travel schedules and all. And if she reciprocated feelings, it would be a starting point — not her just placating me for a check. We could rip up the old arrangement and start fresh.

But I haven’t confessed any of this to her yet out of gut-wrenching cowardice. She’s still giving me this cold, professional shoulder. I don’t know how to begin recanting my idiotic reaction and opening up about the REAL reasons I panicked — the commitment fears, the moral dilemma, all of it.

Part of me wonders if I even have the right to try and pursue things with her at this point? I absolutely shattered her feelings for my own hangups just days ago. AITA for potentially stringing her along further by trying to retroactively take it all back? Maybe I’ve missed my window and should just let this phase of my life be over before it gets even more painful and messy?

Ugh, I’m rambling now. The crux is — AITA for how I recklessly rejected her in that moment? Do I even have a right to try and make amends after that thunderous fumble? Or should I just take the L, chalk it up to collateral damage of being in the world’s most messy pseudo-relationship, and move on?

u/juryofone · 14h

YTA, but only because you handled the initial rejection in the worst way possible. Your reasons for hesitating are somewhat understandable. But you really dropped the ball in communicating that to her in the moment.

Instead of calmly explaining where your headspace was at, you just blurted out a kneejerk rejection that crushed her feelings. No wonder she went ice cold — that had to sting like hell! If you had taken a breath and talked it through with more nuance, maybe you could’ve reached an understanding.

The good news is, you’ve now realized how much you DO want this woman in your life as more than a pretend romance. I don’t think you’re an AH for having those feelings or wanting to pursue her again, provided you make a sincere, thoughtful effort to apologize for your tactless approach before.

My advice? Explain the real reasons you froze up, how torn you felt over everything, and make it clear you still have feelings. But lead with a heartfelt apology for how horribly you botched it at first. If she’s willing to give you one more chance after that, DO NOT blow it.

Reply to u/juryofone · 13h

I agree with this take. He’s not an AH for the situation, but majorly the AH for the WAY he handled rejecting her. That had to sting badly after putting herself out there. The mature thing is to own up to that and properly communicate where his head was at.

Reply to u/juryofone · 12h

Yeah, going straight for “I can’t do that, I don’t think of you that way” after she bared her soul was so harsh and unnecessary. He could have let her down wayyyy more gently if he was that conflicted about it all. She must’ve felt like a fool!

u/neutralpartier · 11h

NAH — I get that you panicked in the heat of the moment and why this whole situation is heavy with ethical quandaries. The reality is, you two started off pretending but real feelings developed, and that’s okay! It happens. The moral issue only remains if you knowingly took advantage of or manipulated her feelings while she was on your payroll. Since you seem just as confused as she was, I don’t think any lines were really crossed.

The way forward is to rip off the bandaid once and for all. If you have mutual feelings now, figure out if you want to date as equals. If not, it’s time to part ways amicably while you both still can. But don’t keep paying her while catching feels — THAT would make you an AH.

u/glasshalfempty · 10h

ESH ... look, you suck for how you handled rejecting her confession. That was really hurtful and avoidant no matter your internal struggles. She sucks for going into this thinking it was all pretend, catching real feelings, and expecting you to want to be serious too. You PAID her to be your fake GF and made that clear.

My suggestion is to have an honest discussion about whether you can BOTH separate the transactions from reality. If you’re both all-in on trying for real, great! But one of you is going to get burned if expectations don’t align. And please, for the love of god, stop paying her!

Reply to u/glasshalfempty · 9h

This is exactly what I was thinking too! Way too messy ethically to keep paying her as the lines blur between fantasy job and real romance. Either take the plunge and date properly or go separate ways for good.

Reply to u/glasshalfempty · 8h

Agree but like ... is this even real? How does someone end up hiring a fake girlfriend to make their former best friend jealous? That alone sounds like a bad romcom plot.

u/criticaloverthinker · 7h

I’m calling cap on this whole wild story. Childhood besties turned feuding enemies living in the same building? A fake girlfriend who moves in as part of an elaborate revenge plan? It’s all too unbelievable.

u/struggling-with-reddit · 6h

I’ll play along and rate, but no way is this post legit lol. Having a fake girlfriend you eventually catch feelings for while pranking your neighbor? What’s next, one of you is actually royalty or a secret millionaire? Too much happening here.

Reply to u/struggling-with-reddit · 5h

Hahaha I know right, the excessive details and backstory gave it away as creative writing practice or something. No judgment from me, it was an entertaining read at least!

u/struggling-with-reddit · 4h

Next thing you know, OP will be claiming he’s Michael Schumacher or something 😂

r/AmITheAsshole

u/veganGOAT · 8h

UPDATE — I’m the idiot who rejected then realized I loved my fake girlfriend … and she took me back!

When I made my initial post a bit over a month ago about this whole fake girlfriend situation, most of you understandably called it outrageously far-fetched.

Which, fair. How does someone actually end up hiring a woman to fake date them just to make their neighbor jealous? It does sound ripped straight from a Nicholas Sparks fever dream.

Well put on your straight jackets, because this ridiculous saga is 100% real. And I’ve got an update that’s even crazier than the original tale ...

After reading the feedback on my initial post (and getting a whole lot of shit from some friends too), it became crystal clear that I had to make things right. I put her through the emotional wringer by callously rejecting her in the moment, when her feelings were just as tangled up as mine were. I owed her a sincere apology and a proper explanation of why I froze — with no more deflections or excuses.

So I wrote her a long letter. I laid it all out there. How torn I felt about the ethical and emotional complexities of our arrangement. How her vulnerability awoke my own fears about commitment, my transient lifestyle, and whether I could realistically be the partner she deserved. Mostly, I repeatedly owned up to being a thoughtless prick who shattered her trust out of pure pathetic self-preservation.

But above all, I made one thing clear — despite my bumbling, I had fallen for her too. Completely and utterly. She had cracked through my defenses and healing her hurt became the only thing that mattered.

I ended the letter by owning up to the fact that she now held all the power. While she had moved into this arrangement under certain pretenses, I had violated that implied contract. The ball was entirely in her court now. I would abide by whatever decision she landed on — friendship, an amicable parting of ways, or taking the terrifying gamble of trying to make this the real deal.

When she emerged from her room the next morning, I could barely look at her. I was a sweaty, nauseated wreck, steeling myself for the worst. She sat down next to me in silence and unleashed the longest, most blistering dressing down of my life. How I had made her feel so small, so foolish, so painfully vulnerable. Words like “coward” and “asshole” were thrown around. But you know what phrase stung most?

“I wish you had told me all of this up front instead of dealing with it like a child. I could’ve understood where you were coming from.”

It was a dagger — she was absolutely right. My dumb automatic rejection utterly betrayed the openness and intimacy we had built. Still, she didn’t dismiss me entirely. She would need some time to think, but asked that I stand by for an answer.

The limbo period was … not fun.

After four excruciating days, she came to me again. This time, she was almost shy, like her old self. She told me she had thought it over extensively, and ultimately my explanation and full-hearted apology won her over. I may be an idiot, an asshole, and a bit of a mess (her words), but I was an honest idiot with a good heart under all the bravado. And that’s what had drawn her to me in the first place.

So with the understanding that we would both need to work on our communication skills and respective hang-ups, she was in. We would press the reset button altogether, end our old arrangement, and try to make this relationship happen for real — messy origins be damned.

That was exactly a month ago today, and things have never been better. Sure, we still lean into some harmless (and vaguely unhinged) pettiness with my former friend from time to time. Some habits are too fun to quit cold turkey. But ultimately, I’ve never been so grateful for the insane set of circumstances that brought this amazing woman into my life. We may have started as an acting exercise, but we took a leap together into something beautifully real.

And yeah, I still have to hear shit from literally everyone about how our romance origin story is the most unbelievable meet-cute of all time. But I’ve learned to lean into the absurdity. After all, what’s life without a little chaos and a perfect partner to share in the pandemonium?

Thanks to everyone who offered candid advice on my original post. You may have received an update sooner if not for all the people accusing me of faking it! All I can say is … this is my blissfully ridiculous reality now.

u/juryofone · 7h

Well hot damn, I have to hand it to you — this saga is even wilder than the original post let on! I went from being totally skeptical of the whole outrageous situation to being fully invested in this insane romance. Love that she put you through the wringer a bit before taking you back. You absolutely deserved that and more after treating her like you did.

But huge props to you for manning up with that apology and giving her the power to make the next move. That vulnerability and respect for her feelings despite your own doubts is what true partnership is all about. I have a feeling you two chaotic bastards are going to be just fine as a real couple now that all the crazy pretenses have been stripped away. Wishing you both nothing but more pandemonium and pettiness together!

u/neutralpartier · 7h

I’m officially obsessed with this love story. You went from hiring a woman off to punk your neighbor, to breaking her heart over catching feelings, to doing the MOST to grovel your way back into her good graces, to ACTUALLY SUCCEEDING. It’s romcom gold! I need this to get optioned for a movie immediately.

u/glasshalffull · 6h

As wild as this story has been from start to finish, this update has me straight up emotional! The groveling, the way you explained your fears, her roasting you for days before mercifully taking you back … my heart. Love that she cut straight through the bullshit by calling you an idiot AND acknowledging your good heart. That’s the ideal balance.

I’m so invested in this nonsense and need regular updates on how things progress from here. You better not blow it after all this chaos or I’ll be leading the charge to vandalize your apartment!

u/romanticempath · 5h

What a journey! To go from manufacturing a fake relationship purely for petty vengeance, to developing REAL emotional stakes, to breaking each other's hearts quite viscerally, to finding your way back together through sheer vulnerability? Incredible stuff.

I laughed, cried (a little, don’t judge), and cringed throughout this entire saga. Thank you for bringing us all along for the insane roller coaster. I wish nothing but ridiculous happiness for you and her moving forward!

u/fairytaledreamer · 4h

I’m sorry but I still can’t get over the fact that this is somehow a real series of events? You’re a madman and this is truly unhinged (but also incredible). How did ALL of this unfold before your 40s?

Romcoms have been put to bed. Welcome to 2024, where people actually hire fake GFs to get revenge on their scorned former friends, develop legit attachment issues, torpedo everything in a panic, grovel for redemption fit for cinematic history, and somehow STILL end up together in some sort of demented happily ever after!

All I can say is cherish the chaos you've manifested. I can’t wait to see what bonkers plotlines await the two you. Start recording everything for the biopic!

Reply to u/fairytaledreamer · 3h

“Cherish the chaos” is absolutely the perfect sign off for this update. I’m deceased at this whole wild drama, but also soooo invested! Cannot wait for the inevitable Netflix mini series. Thanks for the laughs, drama, and emotional whiplash!

r/offmychest

u/NotBritneySpears · 21h

My ex-bestie’s wedding to his obnoxious girlfriend was a nightmare … and so was their wedding night (unfortunately)

You’ll have to bear with me on this one, because I’m still reeling a bit from one of the most cringey, uncomfortable, and downright baffling weekends of my entire life. I need to get this off my chest before I have a full mental breakdown.

A couple years ago, I made a post venting about my former best friend’s new girlfriend at the time. For those who missed the saga, she was an insufferably loud woman who seemed to take immense pleasure in loudly narrating her sex life with my former friend right outside my apartment door. It was psychological warfare, plain and simple.

Well, I’m sure you can all see where this is going based on the title. Against all odds and reason, this woman and my ex-friend somehow stuck it out … until he put a ring on it last year. Which leads me to the first in a cascading series of mind-numbing events — receiving a wedding invitation from the happy couple!

Now, let’s be clear — I have not spoken to my former best friend in almost a decade at this point. Not since our cataclysmic falling out (a story for another day). We were thick as thieves until our bond was shattered beyond repair. For him to invite me to his wedding with the woman who crudely mocked their intimacy for my benefit was … certainly a choice.

On one hand, why on EARTH would you invite the person whose heart you deliberately stomped on so many years ago? It felt like a cruel joke, rubbing salt in an open wound that never fully healed. A reminder of their domestic bliss and my bitter ostracism.

Yet on the other hand, maybe there was a subconscious part of me that would have felt insulted if he didn’t invite me after so many shared years? As if he had utterly erased me from his life without a second thought? The thought gut punched me too in an admittedly unhealthy way.

Long story short, I RSVP’d yes … half out of morbid curiosity and half out of a deeply unwell desire to not get excluded from such a significant life event. In hindsight, a foolish decision that kicked off a horrifically uncomfortable series of events.

The wedding itself was … a lot. An over-the-top spectacle at an insanely expensive venue. My miserable self stuck out like a sore thumb surrounded by all the adoring couple’s friends and family. I sat through mushy vows reaffirming their “unlikely origin” in the “most unexpected yet fortuitous way” … while trying not to puke.

So yeah, sheer cringe start to finish. Little did I know the worst discomfort was yet to come!

In perhaps the most on-brand grand gesture of the entire weekend, the groom rented out an entire boutique hotel for all out-of-town guests to stay at after the reception. That way we could all keep the party going nearby before he whisked his new bride off to parts unknown on their honeymoon the next day.

Ever the gracious host with a penchant for the spectacle, he let wedding guests draw for their room assignments out of an actual top hat. I somehow managed to get seated right next to his parents who, while cordial enough, knew me as the ex-best friend responsible for so much fractured history.

But wait, there’s more! Wouldn’t you know, the universe is supremely messed up because I ended up with the room directly underneath the newlywed suite. Yes … I spent their wedding night listening to a live-streamed porn broadcast courtesy of the paper-thin walls and floors.

Dolphin sounds didn’t even BEGIN to cover the unholy noises raining down from above around 2am. I’m talking full-on screams of unbridled passion echoing off the walls at maximum volume. Mind you, this woman had become infamous for over-enunciating their coitus for my benefit previously. Now it was a frighteningly real-life rendition that no noise-cancelling headphones could drown out.

I finally had to flee my room to the lobby. I ended up crashing on one of the lobby couches until an employee politely asked me to leave around 6am. Disheveled, disoriented, and officially diagnosed with PTSD from the sounds I cannot unhear.

So yeah … not exactly a therapeutic reunion that could have allowed my ex-friend and I to bury the hatchet. If anything, this wedding was one massive “screw you” that opened up all the same unresolved wounds. I need about 20 years of intensive therapy to move on.

I also need to find a new place to live because I can’t bear returning to that cursed apartment building.

u/chronicgossiper · 18h

Dude, I think you need to get some serious perspective here. Your ex-friend getting married and going on a honeymoon has absolutely zero to do with you. That level of self-centeredness is off the charts.

Why in the world would this guy plan an entire wedding — one of the biggest days of his life — around secretly tormenting you again over ancient history? That makes no sense. He invited you as a polite gesture after years apart, probably hoping to start burying the hatchet. The room assignments were random by your own admission.

As for the … “noises” … look, they were on their wedding night. Maybe overenthusiastic, but 100% to be expected between newlyweds. It’s not some psychological ploy, just poor planning on their part for thin walls. You’re projecting like crazy if you think that was directed at you specifically.

At a certain point, you have to realize the universe doesn’t actually revolve around your grudges or history with this person. They’ve clearly moved on to live their best life. It’s on you to stop obsessing over them and do the same.

Reply to u/chronicgossiper · 16h

I agree, this is just pure paranoia from OP. No newly wedded couple is sitting around thinking “how can we sneakily stick it to your ex-best friend during our wedding festivities?” That’s deranged thinking.

They invited you to be polite, you drew an unlucky room assignment near their suite, and then biology happened on their wedding night. Hilarious and awkward coincidence? Yes. Intricately designed fuck you from the bride and groom? Come on now, that’s giving them way too much credit.

u/NotBritneySpears · 13h

Maybe you all have a point, and I am still holding onto way too much resentment and baggage from our falling out. My intention wasn’t to imply they orchestrated an elaborate sting operation around their wedding. More just a general sense that the universe has a funny way of reminding me about them at highly inconvenient times over the years.

Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 12h

Even that line of thinking is incredibly self-centered though. Why would random coincidences or them just … living their lives be the “universe’s way of reminding you” about your failed friendship? That makes it sound like they should perpetually be walking on eggshells and avoiding certain life events just because you can’t get over the past.

Look, it sucks that things fell apart so badly between you two. But they have clearly moved on, as you should too. This obsessive framing of their marriage as some universal affront to you is … not healthy, my dude.

u/nosyandproud · 10h

The wedding itself sounds like it was in poor taste for sure, so I can certainly understand feeling aggravated and triggered being there as the scorned former friend.

That said … you’re borrowing A LOT of trouble by assuming any of their private wedding night activities were purposely being broadcast to you specifically. Projection level 1000 there.

At the end of the day, these people have built a whole entire life and future together now that quite literally has nothing to do with you anymore. You looking for “signs” that they’re still fixated on you is just self-involvement. For your own mental health, you have to let go of whatever happened and see them as background characters in the story of your life now.

u/realitychecker · 7h

OP, you need to take a step back and realize that the sheer logistics involved in purposely torturing you at their wedding are just not plausible. Do you really think they were like:

“Alright honey, for our wedding night I was thinking we should make sure your former friend gets the room directly below ours! That way when we really get after it, he’ll be able to hear every excruciating moan and body smacking sound in haunting detail! That’ll show him for being your friend a decade ago! Mwahaha!”

Come on, mate. That’s delusional cartoon villain level scheming you’re attributing to them. Occam's Razor — they just wanted to consummate their marriage in privacy and didn’t account for the thin hotel walls. The world doesn’t actually revolve around your history with this!

Reply to u/realitychecker · 5h

Lmaooo the idea of them sitting around strategizing the most psychological warfare possible on their wedding night is killing me. “Yes honey, we simply MUST reenact scenes from our noisiest adult films for your ex-best friend’s terrible pleasure!”

u/buildingbridges

OP, it seems like you really miss having your friend in your life if I’m reading between the lines here. Getting invested to this level over random coincidences at his wedding doesn’t come from a place of hatred, but hurt and longing for that bond again.

My advice? Use this weekend as a wake-up call to stop obsessing, reflect on whatever caused your rift, and decide if you want to properly reconnect. If not, you need to rip that band-aid off for good and stop torturing yourself over what will never be again. Or the walls between you two will just get thinner and thinner ...

r/ask

u/amateurdetective · 15h

I think these juicy Reddit posts actually interconnect … but I need your help cracking the code

I think I’ve stumbled onto something wild here and I need the Reddit hive mind to help me piece this tangled web together. Are you ready for some batshit conspiracy-level connecting of barely-there dots? Too bad, I’m going in anyway.

So, over the past few years, I kept seeing these extremely juicy, dramatically-written posts pop up every few months that seemed … oddly interconnected despite being in different subreddits.

Hear me out:

First there was the unhinged post in r/offmychest from a guy ranting about his former best friend’s obnoxious new girlfriend. Dude was griping about how this woman would loudly recount the smutty details of her sex life with the ex-friend whenever she was in his general vicinity, seemingly just to mess with the OP. We’re talking legitimately disturbing stuff about feeling “psychologically tortured” by her oversharing.

Fast forward a few months and I stumble across a wild post in r/relationships from the perspective of this same “obnoxious” girlfriend! Except her story painted a whole different, unhinged picture — she was hired on FACEBOOK MARKETPLACE by the former friend to literally move in and fake date him as part of an ongoing revenge plot against the OP from the first post. She rapidly develops legitimate feelings for the guy and it becomes a messy will-they-won’t-they romcom situation.

But THEN there was a follow-up post from the fake boyfriend’s side in r/AmITheAsshole about him realizing he caught feelings too before nearly blowing it, followed by another saga-capping update about them deciding to pursue a real relationship against all odds and absurdity.

Are you seeing the parallels here? These three posters each gave one side of an absolute dumpster fire of a convoluted love triangle situation that seemingly intersected. And based on the intricate backstories, my crackpot theory is they all emanated from the same formerly tight friend group that experienced a bitter falling out.

The insane attention to detail, literary flair, and geometry of it all almost had me utterly convinced these were all fictionalized creative writing exercises posted separately across Reddit … but building on the same unhinged storylines each step of the way.

I’m utterly obsessed with mapping this all out into one cohesive narrative now. My working theory is something like this:

Some guy hired an actress to pose as his fake GF and torment his former friend as revenge for some past betrayal

The two fake partners rapidly caught real feelings amid the ruse, he panics and nearly torpedoes it

Meanwhile, the ex-best friend is losing his mind overhearing the fake girlfriend’s loud performances and comes to Reddit for advice, not realizing it’s all a ploy

After a saga of miscommunication, the fake boyfriend comes clean and the couple decide to actually date for real

Capping things off, the former friend is forced to attend their wedding where he’s subjected to one final night of unholy noises

Does it all track? Or have I completely unraveled the conspiracy and stumbled onto a drastically personal set of circumstances being workshopped on Reddit? If so, that’s some ludicrously elaborate storytelling!

I need to know if I’m onto something here or completely off my rocker. If the former, I’ll burn every last calorie mapping out a master record of events across all the posts. If the latter … someone needs to drop their juicy fanfic writing prompts because these were WILDLY entertaining reads.

Help me connect these dots or point me towards any other potentially linked tales! This has been a public service aneurysm brought to you by pure boredom.

u/scepeticbynature · 14h

Wow, you’ve gone full Sherlock Holmes with this. I’m dying at how insanely detailed your working theory is in tying together these random Reddit posts into one cohesive narrative. This is either a brilliant piece of performance art … or you need your meds adjusted, my friend.

Reply to u/scepticbynature · 12h

Hahaha exactly! The amount of time and brain power OP has devoted to mapping this out is beyond obsessive. I don’t know whether to applaud the commitment to the bit or get them professional help.

u/amateurdetective · 10h

I’m sorry, did you actually read through the posts in question? The intersecting pieces of random, elaborate backstory between all three distinct voices is way too specific and layered for it to be an accidental alignment. There are unambiguous throughlines about:

A pair of feuding former childhood best friends

One hiring a woman off Facebook to pose as his fake GF and torment the other as revenge

Said fake relationship descending into a very real emotional entanglement for both parties

The eventual fallout of the ex-friend having to bear witnessing the real couple’s wedding and chaos that followed

Like that’s such a bizarrely specific plot keeping consistent across three different users’ lenses! So you’re either pointing out the artistry of someone doing an incredibly elaborate creative writing exercise across multiple subs … or these people are just leading unbelievably unhinged lives. And part of me hopes it’s the latter? It’s too batshit crazy not to be true!

Reply to u/amateurdetective · 9h

Or, and hear me out … it’s all an internal dialogue you’re having with your numerous Reddit personalities to work out your own unresolved relationship issues. We’re all just incredibly intricate fragments of your aching psyche!

u/opinionatedtruther · 7h

Lmao you are both nuts, but I have to side with OP on this one. The chances of these being all interconnected fabricated stories is way too perfect to be an accident. All the tiny threads and recurring backstories/character details woven between wildly different subreddit posts? That’s not a coincidence.

I could buy it maybe being some extended Reddit fanfic experiment between a couple of redditors seeing who can craft more engaging characters and drama while world-building off each other’s plot threads. Like a weird form of collabing through the confined lens of Reddit posts. It would be pretty genius if so.

But for it to be entirely real with all the coinciding details scattered across entirely unrelated posts like that? I’m sorry, but there’s just no way. That’s beyond the scope of believability for me. OP may be bungling the conspiracy, but they’re onto something for sure!

u/amateurdetective · 6h

THANK YOU, someone gets it! And to answer your other theory … while I can’t 100% rule out some sort of viral Reddit fanfic experiment, I struggle to believe even the most creative writers would be capable of improvising THAT intricately interconnected of a storyline stream-of-consciousness style like that.

Like each voice and perspective they inhabit remains remarkably consistent across such wildly different contexts (relationship drama, life events, ethical debates, and updates). It would take incredible skill to stay in the headspaces of these distinct individuals and keep their personalities/plot orbits from tangling into an incomprehensible mess. While possible, it seems incredibly unlikely.

That’s what has me believing there’s a remarkable kernel of stranger-than-fiction truth at the heart of this whole saga being teased out piece-by-piece. Or again … I’ve finally been gaslit into being a tin foil hatter of beautiful Reddit fantasies. Either way I’m here for it!

Reply to u/amateurdetective · 3h

All I have to say is please touch some grass and post to r/creativewriting instead 🙄

1K notes · View notes

lunamugetsu · 3 months

Text

House Husband Danny

(Remember this post I made: Danny is a househusband. Well I decided to make it into a story) Crossposted from AO3. Here's a link

Location: Unknown, Date: Unknown

Three figures emerged from a glowing pit of green water, gasping for air as they dragged themselves out.

A man with dark skin was breathing heavily and went to shake the pale man with dark hair that was still unconscious. He paused as another hand was raised motioning for him to stop. He looked over at the women with long black hair.

“He’s tired, let him rest.” She said

“What are we going to do?” the woman merely smiled as she turned to fix the damp hair that was covering the unconscious man’s face.

“Simple… Danny will rest and heal…and we will live like the rulers we are.” She turned to look at her other partner.

“Yes… we will,” he confirmed as they both smiled while looking at their love.

Present Day

Danny hummed as he put away the newly washed dishes from dinner.

Ah, how nice it was to be in a home where the food didn’t come alive and try to declare war on him.

One less thing to worry about.

Now that dinner was eaten and leftovers were put away. He could focus on the package that came in the mail, he had been waiting for it for weeks.

Tucker and Sam had called ahead to say that they were working late.

What a shame.

Danny sat down in the living room and turned on the tv while cracking open the package.

“This is Lois Lane reporting for the Daily Planet! Breaking news as the Justice League members Superman and Wonder Woman are fighting off villains in Metropolis! They have been identified as the new villains: Upload and Nightshade. They made their first appearance known to the world a couple months ago- JIMMY LOOK OUT!”

The camera shook for a moment before stabilizing showing Superman was holding onto Lois Lane and Wonder Woman was holding onto the cameraman.

“It’s not safe here, please evacuate to a safer area.” Superman said before speeding off with Wonder Woman following close behind.

“Jimmy get a shot! That’s Nightshade!” the reporter said pointing to a large plant-like monster made of vines and thorns that was the size of a skyscraper. The cameraman zoomed in on the figure that was currently sitting on the monster’s shoulder. A woman with long black hair that appeared as if it was almost floating in an ethereal manner. She was a pale woman wearing a black skintight bodysuit with matching thigh high boots, black bandages were wrapped around her forearms while her hands lit up with a neon green energy along with her eyes. Nightshade smiled, turning to look straight into the direction of the camera before saying some words that the camera couldn’t pick up before humongous vines started filling up the camera’s screen, the sound of screaming could be heard before the feed was cut.

“That doesn’t look good,” Danny commented before turning back to the open package.

Ooh, that fabric did feel as soft as it was advertised! He better try it on to see it fit. He knew he checked the measurements before placing the order but still, mistakes always happened. He was also still a little hungry, perhaps some fruit from the fridge would be good.

It was a couple of minutes before the for the news to come back on. Danny sat down on the couch, sporting a plate of fruit with a side of whipped cream to dip it in. He plopped one into his mouth as the tv started airing the news again.

The camera lens managed to stay undamaged as the camera man and the reporter were taking cover behind the corner of a building focusing on the figure that was currently standing in front of a fallen Superman that was grimacing as the green light from the glowing rock in the figure’s gloved hand seemed to intensify. It also didn’t help that there appeared to be a set of special cuffs that were encasing the superheroes hands, forcing them together.

“And here I was thinking that defeating you couldn’t be that easy… well then again. Can’t expect a superhero to just not react to their greatest weakness. Kryptonite wasn’t really hard to track down who had a stash of these, it was even easier to take it. ” The figure was a man with dark skin with long dreadlocks and was wearing a visor that covered hi eyes from view. He wore a long coat with short sleeves letting people see the robotic gloves that went up all the way up his arms. The camera picked up a hum emanating from the robotic arms and crack of electricity.

“Why? Why are you doing this, Upload?” Superman said as he made to force himself to stand despite his bound hands.

“Hmm, wealth, fame, power, pettiness, destroying all the buildings I want without needing to pay for it, or maybe I just don’t like people who call themselves heroes,” Upload said as he moved to the side as Wonder Woman was thrown into a building.

“Truly, I thought they’d give more of a challenge,” Nightshade commented as the plant-monster then slammed a hand down onto Wonder Woman encasing the superhero in vines making it practically impossible for the woman to rip out of.

Danny hummed as he looked at the news.

He should probably help… he stuck a strawberry into his mouth.

“How do you think we should do this, Nightshade? Slowly and methodical, or fast and exciting?” Upload turned to look at Nightshade.

“Obviously, something with mo-“

RING! RING! RING!

The two supervillains looked towards each other. Upload taking out a phone from his pocket while Nightshade motioned for the plant monster to give her, her bag so she could take out her phone.

“Hello/Hello.” Thy said answering their phone in unison.

“You’re hungry?” Nightshade asked.

“We did say we were working late, you’re welcome to eat out if you want- huh? I mean, what are you wearing?” Upload said

The two paused and looked at each other.

“The thing you ordered a couple weeks ago?” Upload said, “the red one?”

“That’s made with silk?” Nightshade hands were clenching down onto her phone.

“And you’re eating,” Upload looked over at Nightshade.

“Strawberries and whipped cream,” She said.

Ding! Ding!

The two turned to their phone at having received a message. The villains looked at their phone and then to each other.

“We’ll be there in ten!” they said in unison before putting away their phones.

It happened quickly.

With a wave her hand, all of the plants started retreating back away from the superheroes while saying some words that the camera couldn ’t pick up and a portal opened right next to her.

Meanwhile Upload placed the kryptonite into a contain while hitting some buttons that were on his gloves and the cuffs that were on Superman unlocked and fell off the man ’s wrists.

Nightshade motioned for the now human-sized plant monster to walk through the portal while Upload was walking up to her.

“Wait! Where do you think you’re goin-” Wonder Woman and Superman held their ears as a loud sound echoed out a tool that Upload threw on the ground.

“Oh no! How dare you heroes foil our evil plan!” Nightshade said in a dead tone before grabbing Upload by his collar, “c’mon we gotta go!”

The two ran into the portal, disappearing out of sight, leaving nothing but the aftermath of the destruction of the fight they had with the two heroes.

“I’m sorry, what the heck just happened?!” Lois Lane said, turning to look at the camera.

Danny hummed as he turned off the tv and took his plate of food with him as he got off the couch.

He needed to get upstairs, after all, Sam and Tucker weren’t going to be working late after all.

The man sat himself into the master bedroom, it had a bed that was an Alaskan King size. Largest size of bed they could find, could easily fit a whole family of four on it. He didn’t even know beds came in that size.

Danny continued humming as he settled himself down in the middle of the bed. The sheets were made of Egyptian cotton. Ethically sourced, of course. Sam wouldn’t stand sleeping on something that was made by a company that destroyed the environment while simultaneously overworking and underpaying their employees. Tucker had come to the rescue, buying a set of sheets on his last trip from Egypt. They had to custom order it especially since their bed didn’t fit the common dimensions that mass production usually went by.

But he wasn’t complaining, the bed was really… nice.

He laid back against the pillows, wearing nothing but the little red number that came in the mail that day.

He dipped a strawberry into the whipped cream and took a bite out of it. Giving a hum as he enjoyed the taste. It was so nice not to have to worry about anything. No ghosts trying to kill him, no government agency trying to track him down to vivisect and kill him, no parents trying to shoot, vivisect, and kill him- Danny wondered if that was a normal amount of people to have to want to kill him.

Whatever, it didn’t matter anymore.

He smiled as he heard the sound of the front door being slammed open and shut followed by a furious pattering sound of feet going up the stairs. He hoped they’d taken their shoes off when they got in. He just vacuumed the house that afternoon.

The door to the bedroom opened with a bang as he saw Sam and Tucker, wearing their civilian clothing that they had clearly just thrown on with no thought of whether or not they should straighten out any of the clothes or at least to check if they put on their shirt inside out. It was a rule though, never bring work home, it always brought trouble. They had enough trouble dealing with ghosts to last a lifetime, let alone the afterlife.

“I’m hungry,” Danny said while taking a bite of a strawberry and licking off cream that caught on his lip. He could see them already looking at his mouth and trailing their eyes across the new article of clothing he was wearing.. The man curled his finger to motion for them to come closer.

“Come and feed me.” He smiled as his partners joined him in bed.

Ah, it was so nice when his partners didn’t work late nights.

#dp x dc #dp x dc au #dp x dc crossover #danny phantom x dc #dpxdc #dpxjustice league #everlasting trio #cross posted on ao3

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jealousjersey · 3 months

Text

𐙚₊˚⊹♡”fuck you”⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

ᯓ★ tags : gn!soft!dom!reader x sub!clapton davis. requested by anon.

ᯓ★ enemies to lovers (been wanting to write one of these for so long. tysm anon for bringing me back, i am so unmotivated rn)

ᯓ★ mentions : soft-dom reader x sub clapton davis, edging, degrading kink, vulgar language, unprotected sex, cream pies, both reader and clapton are of age. keep it 18+ guys, porn with plot, mostly just jersey horny rambling

everything is doing well in your last period AP biology class, except one thing. your lab partner is clapton davis. the one person in this school you don’t get along with. he annoys you and teases you whenever he can, honestly you don’t even know how he got into honors classes, you weren’t even sure he was going to college, but that’s none of your business right now.

“hey loser” clapton sits beside you and smacks his gum in his mouth. you hate when he does that, or anything really. “do you have any idea what we’re doing? i’ve been confused this entire time” he says genuinely. for the first time in his life he actually wants to ask for help.

“uh yeah, we’re just supposed to research stem cell differentiations. it’s easy don’t worry we can get this done in like 20 minutes” you say confidently. you actually have no idea how to go about this project but honestly it doesn’t matter.

“oh, okay. are we gonna do the project at my house or yours?” he asks, almost nervous to ask.

“mine is fine” you say as his face turns a light shade of pink from the invitation. he quickly hides his face, and especially the blush creeping up on his cheeks.

“you know, you’re pretty cute when you’re quiet” you tease. obviously trying to get under his skin.

“s-shut up. just shut up” he sutters, the pink still on his cheeks. this makes you giggle, seeing how he just melts when you take charge, when over something as simple as directing a project.

after the bell rings, you get out of your chair and pack your things up, clapton frantically says “hey, wait up-”

you take your earbud out and reply with a simple “hm?”

“am i riding with you- or-?” he asks, almost unsure about the situation.

“yeah, you can ride with me. just- wipe your shoes before you get in my car” you say as you lead him out to the parking lot to your forest green dodge charger srt. he’s almost in awe of your car. he now knows why you asked that of him.

as you two ride to his house, you notice something. is he fucking hard right now? you think as your eyes gaze at his bulge in his pants. you let out a small chuckle on accident.

“what?” clapton asks, repositioning himself to where his package isn’t on full display. he now knows you know, and god is he embarrassed. his cheeks are bright red as his leg bounces up and down

“you- you got something in your pants clapton” you laugh. obviously teasing him at this point.

“just- just drive, okay?” he says, face pink as a beam of sweat falls from his forehead. god he’s cute when he’s nervous.

as you both arrive at your house, he goes inside with his bookbag on. you lead him to your room, a minimalist decorated with colorful art on the walls. your room looks like a museum, well it a museum had a tv and a cd player- but nonetheless, your room was nice and clapton liked it. he especially liked the vanilla scent in your house.

“so- let’s address it, why did you get all hot and bothered in my car?” you mention, and it’s obvious now. he’s blushing like crazy, just like a little sub. it’s really adorable actually, but you just want to see how far you can take this.

he doesn’t respond, but his bulge is back. and you just have to take care of this, before any work can get done. “you want some help?” you offer as you smile teasingly. he just nods his head up and down acceptingly, he needed this, especially after you teasing him almost made him cum in his pants.

you unbuckle his jeans and he whimpers at the touch of you. god he was such a little bottom for you, just putty in your hands. as you get his pants off, you notice the precum leaking through his boxers and you immediately get turned on by the sight. you imagine the taste of his cum and how his dick would feel twitching inside of you.

you take his throbbing dick out of his boxers, he’s average but girthy. the tip is bright pink, soaked in precum. as you hold his cock on your hands you rub your thumb over his slit. he twitches instantly. “fuck, please- please fuck me” he whimpers. you smile at the sound of his groans for you. “you gonna be a good boy? gonna listen to me and do what i say?” you ask.

“fuck…yes i’ll be a good boy….just for you.” he says as he bucks his hips into your hands. you smile at his response, just what you wanted to hear. you sit on his cock and bouncing up and down, overstimulating him as his jaw goes slack as he moans softly “fuck…fuck yes…god you feel s’good” his eyes roll back in his head as his dick twitches inside you

“fuck, fuck- i’m- gon- gonna cum” he stammers. “cum inside, you’ve been a good boy.” you reply.

he shoots hot thick lines of cum inside you, filling you up. he’s so far inside you that there’s not even a chance of him for you to leak out. he basically bred you, but god it felt so good.

⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀

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brokehorrorfan · 3 months

Text

Crimson Peak will be released on 4K Ultra HD on May 21 via Arrow Video. Guy Davis, the film’s concept artist, designed the packaging for the 2015 Gothic horror/romance.

Master of horror Guillermo del Toro directs from a script he co-wrote with frequent collaborator Matthew Robbins (Mimic, Pinocchio). Mia Wasikowska, Jessica Chastain, Tom Hiddleston, Charlie Hunnam, and Jim Beaver star.

The limited edition set comes with a double-sided fold-out poster, four double-sided postcards, and an 80-page book featuring writings by David Jenkins and Simon Abrams, an interview with Guillermo del Toro, and conceptual illustrations by Guy Davis and Oscar Chichoni, all housed in a slipcase.

Crimson Peak is presented in 4K with Dolby Vision, approved by del Toro, and original DTS:X Master Audio sound. Special features are listed below, where you can also see the full packaging.

Special features:

Audio commentary by director/co-writer Guillermo Del Toro

The House is Alive: Constructing Crimson Peak - Feature-length documentary with cast and crew interviews and behind the scenes footage

Spanish-language interview with Guillermo Del Toro

The Gothic Corridor; The Scullery; The Red Clay Mines; The Limbo Fog Set - Four featurettes on Allerdale Hall

A Primer on Gothic Romance featurette

The Light and Dark of Crimson Peak featurette

Hand Tailored Gothic featurette

A Living Thing featurette

Crimson Phantoms featurette

Beware of Crimson Peak - Walking tour of Allerdale Hall with Tom Hiddleston

Interview with film historian Kim Newman

Violence and Beauty in Guillermo Del Toro’s Gothic Fairy Tale Films - Video essay by the film historian Kat Ellinger

Deleted scenes

Original trailers and TV spots

Also included:

Double-sided foldout poster

Four double-sided postcards

80-page, hard-bound book with writing by David Jenkins and Simon Abrams, an interview with Guillermo del Toro, and conceptual illustrations by artists Guy Davis and Oscar Chichoni

Beginning in Buffalo, New York, during the 1880s, Crimson Peak follows Edith Cushing (Mia Wasikowska), an aspiring writer who is haunted by the death of her mother. Edith’s falls in love with seductive stranger Thomas Sharpe (Tom Hiddleston), who whisks her off to Allerdale Hall, his baronial, yet dilapidated English mansion built upon a mountain of blood-red clay. Here Edith meets Lucille (Jessica Chastain), Thomas’s sister who at times seems hostile and jealous. As Edith struggles to feel at home in the imposing residence, she gradually uncovers a horrendous family secret and encounters supernatural forces that will help her discover the terrible truth behind Crimson Peak.

Pre-order Crimson Peak.

#crimson peak #del toro #tom hiddleston #jessica chastain #mia wasikowska #charlie hunnam #arrow video #dvd #gift #guy davis #jim beaver #horror #gothic horror #doug jones #javier botet

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bagopucks · 1 year

Text

A. Matthews - Open Doors

✄————————————

Auston Matthews x Reader

Word Count: 3.2k

Warning(s): mention of temporarily losing a child -as in the kid ran off-, little bit of flirting, a lot of domestic fluff.

I literally just found out the other day too, that Auston’s mother is Hispanic, and that he grew up speaking primarily Spanish to his mother. <3

Proofread loosely

Requests for the reader, Hudson, and Auston can be made! It’s not a full AU, but these three can have specific/special requests!

—————————————

The doors of life open and close at odd times. One can be devastated by the loss of an opportunity, only for the next to be more promising or beneficial. I didn’t assume losing my child would have been an opportunity. Until I found him playing fetch with a man and his fluffy dog. Tossing a little tennis ball across the park and chasing after the dog as if it was a game, while the dog went to get the ball.

“Oh my god! Hudson!” I sprinted in his direction, confusing the poor kid as to why I was so concerned. He was only five, still oblivious to the cruelty of the world. I fell to my knees and hugged my son tight, his quiet giggles and attempts to push me back falling short.

“So that’s his name?” I looked up at the man, smooth skin and a faint stubble. A mustache that looked plucked from the 80’s. And a smile full of pearly white teeth. He had a hat pulled over his head, with a sports logo on it that I hadn’t been all too familiar with.

“Hudson? Yeah. Thank you so much for keeping an eye on him. I just- I took my eye off him for one second and-“ Hudson wiggled from my grasp to go tug the ball from the dog’s mouth.

“Hey, hey. It’s okay. Kids are a lot to handle sometimes. I get it.” His words led my gaze back to Hudson, watching him wrestle with a dog the same size as him.

“You have some of your own?”

“Definitely not,” the man laughed out. “But I babysit for friends sometimes.” When I looked back to him, his hand was held out in a silent offer. I took it and allowed him to help me up off the ground.

“Thank you, again. It means the most.”

“Of course.” Hudson’s laughter drew both our eyes.

“Your dog’s name?” I asked.

“Felix. Your name?” When he asked, I provided, a newfound nervous smile on my lips.

“And yours?” I added.

“Auston with an ‘O’.”

“I don’t work at Starbucks.” I teased softly.

“Yeah, but you’ll need to know how to spell it when you take my number.”

It caught me off guard. And had Auston not found and taken care of my child, I would have turned him down immediately. But considering the circumstances, and his looks, I allowed him to put his number in my phone.

A door had opened, and though I had been hesitant to walk through it, I inevitably did. I walked right into another life. Another world.

“Auston‘s on the tv!”

I was lucky enough that Hudson wanted to walk through it with me.

“Where’s he at, hun?”

“He’s on the ice! Oh! Oh!” the excitement in Hudson’s tone, supporting a guy he had such an attachment to, never ceased to warm my heart. But it also worried me. It would break Hudson if something went wrong between Auston and I. I only asked him a thousand times if he truly wanted a package deal before we got together. And even then I didn’t push any responsibilities on Auston.

We were in a relationship, and I just happened to have a child. But Hudson wasn’t his, and at some point I knew Auston would have to start advocating for the boy’s care if he truly wanted a glimpse of a future for us. But we were a mere two months into our relationship, and I wasn’t in a rush. He already did enough.

“Oh goal! Number thirty four, Auston Matthews!” When I peeked into the living room, I saw my son, standing with his arms wide open and a foot up off the floor. Mirroring the stance of Auston, who performed his signature celly on the tv.

“You better congratulate him on that goal when he gets here tonight.” I slipped back into the kitchen. Hudson smiled and nodded, and he certainly did congratulate Auston when the time came. When he came barreling through my front door with a bag in hand and dressed down in a pair of shorts and a sweatshirt. His unruly yet flawlessly curly hair was damp, I assumed from a shower. It was dark outside, but my front drive was illuminated by the automatic motion triggered light.

“What did ya think of that, Buddy?” Auston’s voice rang out, and I looked up from the couch in time to see Hudson abandon his toys on the floor to barrel headfirst into Auston’s legs.

“Awesome!”

“That first one was for you.” Auston ruffled Hudson’s hair, trying to take a step forward only for my son to cling to his leg, hitching a ride.

“Who was the second one for?”

“Your mom, goof.” Auston’s cheery tone made me roll my eyes. Hudson pulled away from the man when he made it to the couch, dropping down, and the bag in his hand making enough noise to finally gain my child’s attention. And my curiosity.

“What’s in the bag?” I asked, turning my body sideways to face his own.

“An early birthday gift for Hudsy.” I raised a brow. I hadn’t expected Auston to get anything. Or even to remember the detail I mentioned in passing. Hudson however, lit up like a Christmas tree.

“Lemme see!”

“Oh just wait. You’re gonna love ‘em.” I folded my arms across my chest, as if to challenge his statement. My kid was picky. He didn’t like a lot of things. He was always grateful, yes, but still opinionated.

“Up on the couch.” Auston smiled from ear to ear as Hudson climbed up onto the cushion between us. “Alright. This is just the first part of your gift okay? We have to build on it.” I raised a brow as Auston reached into the bag.

“Come on!”

“Hudson.” I scolded gently. He glanced back at me with a sorry expression. “Patience.” He nodded and looked back at Auston, who in turn looked at me for approval to continue. I nodded.

“Ready?” He teased.

“Yes!” Hudson could barely hold still. And when Auston pulled out a black box labeled on the top with ‘CCM’, my boy’s brow furrowed in confusion. Then he opened the box, and twisted it around in his lap to show Hudson the fresh pair of rollerblades.

“Oh my god!”

“Auston,” my tone took on an immediate sound of surprise and tension. Auston’s initial expression of excitement upon Hudson’s reaction, turned into concern upon hearing my own. “Those were expensive- those had to be expensive.”

“It’s okay. I don’t mind.. it’s just skates, and he can use these for years.”

“His feet aren’t going to stay that small for years.” I argued in a soft tone, careful not to upset Hudson.

“They’ll stay small long enough.” Auston was always so nonchalant about everything. So ‘it is what it is.’ Sometimes it calmed me. Other times it stressed me out. I wasn’t sure what to make of his attitude at that point, so instead I let out a sigh and nodded.

“Okay,” I gave in.

“We have to try them out!”

“Not in the house.” I was swift to tell Hudson.

“Outside!”

“Right now? In the dark?” I glanced at Auston. “He could fall and hurt himself in the dark.”

“I’ve got him.”

I’d never trusted another man more with my child. Not once. Not his father, not my father, not my grandfather. But Auston?

“I’ll get his bike helmet.” I slowly stood up, straightening out the satin shorts of my pjs.

“Auston doesn’t wear a helmet!”

“He does on the ice.”

“Not when he’s rollerblading.” Hudson’s persistence made me groan.

“Tonight, he wears a helmet.”

And he did. My pink and black bike helmet. That I had to loosen a bit to fit his head properly. I followed the boys outside, and watched Auston get his own rollerblades from the trunk of his car before he came back to the porch steps.

“You sit down right there, and I’ll tie ‘em for you. Okay?” Hudson immediately plopped down on the edge of the deck, and I set his skates down beside him.

I opened the front door and reached inside to turn the porch light on.

“You boys gonna want snacks or water?”

“Hmm.. no thanks.” Hudson shook his head, far too excited as Auston got down on his knees slipped the kid’s first skate on.

“You got Goldfish still?” I stifled a laugh when Auston looked up at me.

“Always. Goldfish and two waters?”

“That’s a good idea.” I slipped back inside to grab the box of Goldfish, only to open the fridge and pause when it dawned on me.

I had a man in my front drive, putting a pair of skates on my kid. Teaching him how to do something. Something athletic. Something sporty. Promising to protect him. Trying to be a father. I felt the tightness in my throat before the burning of tears in my eyes accompanied it. I never imagined a world where Hudson had a dad. I wanted to, but I had pushed it aside long ago. I sniffed and wiped my eyes, the faint sound of laughter creeping through the open front door.

I asked myself why I left it open, when anybody could have walked inside? Because there was a man in my yard. Watching my kid. There was a man who granted love and protection. And ease to a life of constant stress. I smiled so hard it hurt. I slipped the two bottles of water from the fridge and closed the door before leaving the kitchen to go back outside. Greeted by the sight of Auston skating backwards, holding Hudson’s hands and guiding him forward down the slight slope of my driveway. Hudson’s foot slipped, and a moment of terror gripped my chest before Auston hoisted him up by his arms. Relief flooded my system. I was not one to film many things, but I had no shame in quickly setting the water and Goldfish aside, running inside to grab my phone, coming back with the video already playing, focusing my camera on the two in the driveway.

“Don’t point your feet inward. You gotta keep ‘em straight.” Auston would occasionally stop to nudge Hudson’s feet apart with one of his own.

“Look up at me. You look at the ground and you won’t know where you’re going.” He’d guide Hudson’s eyes straight with gentle words.

“When you start to get the hang of it, I have to let you go.” I couldn’t see my kid’s face, but I knew there was fear in his eyes. I had since set my phone down, leaning against the rail. I wanted to call to him, to remind him he’d be okay, but I decided to allow Auston a chance. No better time to learn like the present. And if I was going to completely trust Auston in the future with my kid, I needed to know he could handle every situation.

“It’s gonna happen, bud.” He slowed to a stop. “I know it’s scary, but falling is part of learning.” He leaned forward a bit. “You know what I used to do when I always fell?”

“What?” Hudson’s quiet voice was barely audible to me.

“I’d go running to my mom. And she’d hold me, and clean up my bumps and bruises. And then she’d send me right back outside to do it again.”

“Why?”

“Because sometimes you gotta fail to learn.”

“What did your dad do?”

Auston was caught at a loss for words, but only for a second.

“He’d usually just tell me to walk it off.. which is why I never went to him too much.” He passed off the answer as a joke, laughing quietly. I could tell by Hudson’s silence, that he didn’t understand how that was funny, or why Auston was laughing.

“What would you do?”

“After he told me to walk it off?”

“No.. what would you do- if I fell?”

I stiffened. I noticed the way Auston’s eyes drifted past Hudson to look at me. His brow furrowed in a questioning manner. I gave him a look of approval. So far, so good. Perhaps he knew how much our relationship and his place in mine and Hudson’s life rode on that answer.

“Well, first I’d have to pick you up, and I’d have to go rummaging through your mother’s cabinets to find stuff to clean any cuts. Probably slap a couple Hello Kitty bandaids on ya..” he smiled, let out a breathy laugh.

“I don’t like Hello Kitty!”

“Transformers?”

“Better.”

“Alright, Transformers.” Auston removed one of his hands from Hudson’s to ruffle his hair. “And after the bandaids it’s right back outside. Unless you really don’t want to. But sometimes tough love is a good thing.”

“Tough love.” Hudson repeated in a quizzical manner.

“Like.. making somebody do what they don’t want to, because you know it’s gonna benefit them in the end. Like helping them get over a fear.. like if there’s a girl they really wanna ask out, but they’re too afraid. Sometimes you gotta push ‘em into it.” Maybe not the best example, but I��d give Auston credit where it was due. He was doing a good job.

“Girls are gross.”

“They are.” The boys shared quiet laughter as I rolled my eyes.

“And what if the girl says no?”

“Then she says no. And you learn from that experience. The same way it is when you fall. You’re always gonna fall on skates. I still do it sometimes. It’s about knowing there’s a chance you’re gonna fall, and being brave enough to still go out and do it.” Silence followed Auston’s words. Then I saw Hudson nod.

“You can let me go.”

“Look at you, big man.” Auston teased, slow to release Hudson’s other hand. “Don’t move yet, okay? Just get a feel for standing.”

“Okay..” I watched Hudson straighten his ankles, and find a good stance.

“Move when you’re ready.”

We were out there for another hour or so. Well past Hudson’s bedtime. He fell a few times, but thanks to the sweater and pants he had on, he avoided any bleeding or cuts. My heart lurched every time Hudson tumbled, but the ache wasn’t near as bad when I watched Auston help him up and dust him off, asking if anything hurt too much or if he wanted to take a break. The only breaks they did take were for the occasional sip of water or a handful of goldfish. I took time to praise Hudson when he accomplished standing better, skating longer lengths, understanding the way to move. Then eventually my encouragement turned to quiet laughter as the boys started playing around.

Auston hoisted Hudson onto his shoulders, keeping a tight grip on the kid as he skated circles in the driveway. A playful yell occasionally falling from the boys’ lips.

When a yawn slipped past my own, I knew it was time to go in. I slowly stood up from my porch chair and reached for the box of Goldfish. Auston and Hudson both looked at me. Like deer in headlights.

“What are you doing with those?” Auston was the first to ask.

“Hudson needs to go to bed.” I informed him with a smirk.

“What?” Hudson whined. “No!”

“You’ve been up well past your bedtime, Buddy.” I placed my free hand on my hip.

“Please! Just another five minutes? Auston’s gonna leave!” I raised a brow.

“He’ll be back another time.”

“Yeah, when I’m at school.” I had been completely transparent with Hudson when Auston and I got together. He knew we were dating. At first he was uncertain, but he’d grown comfortable with the idea. His only issue since then had been the fact that he was never home when Auston was around.

“It’s a Saturday tomorrow.” When Auston spoke up, my gaze flickered toward him. I wasn’t sure whose side he was arguing for.

“And?”

“I have extra clothes in my trunk.”

“You wanna stay?”

“Can I stay?”

“Please!” Hudson immediately chimed in, his hands landing awful hard on top of Auston’s helmet. He flinched, but recovered quickly.

“You gonna put him to bed too?”

“Please!” Hudson’s excitement went momentarily unnoticed by us, trying to have a semi-serious conversation.

“I can do that.”

I acted as though I was contemplating my options, before I waved a hand and began to walk inside.

“I guess he can stay.” I knew Hudson let out a shout of excitement, but I was almost certain Auston had muttered a quiet, ‘yes’ as well.

The boys followed me into the house, Hudson running for his bedroom after Auston had set him down.

I stopped in the kitchen to set the water and crackers aside before walking into the living are.

“Where’s he off to?” I questioned as I folded up the blanket on the couch.

“Changing into his pjs.”

I chuckled and tossed the blanket into the basket by the wall.

“And you?” I folded my arms across my chest. “What do you think you’re sleeping in?”

“This.” He gestured to what he had on as he slowly crossed the floor. Auston rested his hands on my arms. “Or whatever I can get away with that’s less.”

“Auston.” I scolded softly.

“Cariño.” Darling. Honey. Dear. I leaned into his chest, and Auston slowly wrapped his arms around me. I hadn’t been so vulnerable with a man in a long time. Auston simply made it too easy.

“You have a kid to put to bed.” I spoke reluctantly.

“And a girlfriend to worry about.”

“You do too much, Aus.”

“I’d argue I haven’t done enough.” His confession was heartwarming and gut wrenching at the same time.

“You’ll get there.” I promised. “It’s a learning process. But right now, you’re doing amazing.” I slowly pulled back to look at him. “Hudson loves you. I love you. You make us happy. You’re here at times nobody expects you to be.. like tonight, with that birthday gift.” I paused. “Early birthday gift.” I watched him smile.

“So I’m meeting your standards?”

“Going above and beyond.” I promised, standing on my tippy toes. Auston leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss to my lips.

“You should probably go find Hudson before he falls asleep.” I whispered. “He likes it when I tuck the blankets under his feet, and sometimes he likes his fan on. You have to ask.”

“Thanks.” Auston slowly pulled away.

“Don’t forget to sing to him too.” I watched his eyes go wide.

“I have to sing?” He sounded shocked. I laughed.

“I don’t make the rules, Aus.” I shrugged. “But I promise the secret’s safe with me if you sing for him.”

“Its not that it’s just- I mean.. I suck at singing.”

“He’s a kid. The most he’ll do is laugh at you and tell you to quit.”

“Then what?”

“Then you come find me. I’ll sing for him.”

✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾

#nhl imagine #nhl x reader #auston matthews x reader #auston matthews #auston matthews imagine #auston matthews blurb

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sokoviansimp · 1 year

Note

hi! I absolutely love the package au series you have going on, it’s so cute and one on my favourites on here 🤫

if you’re taking requests maybe we could see reader running around the compound causing trouble and wanda (and/or nat) trying to stop them causing mischief??

ps hope you’re having a good day 🥹

In Your Corner

✒ Pairings : Wanda Maximoff, Natasha Romanoff, Tony Stark x Child!Reader (platonic)

✒ Summary : As reader becomes more comfortable, things become harder for Wanda.

✒ Tags and Warnings: tantrums, embarrassment, lmk if I missed any.

✒ Author's Note : I really appreciate the request, I am so sorry that this took so long, hope you enjoy

✒ Word Count : 2252

✒ Read Time: 11 minutes

Masterlist : The Package AU

Now that you were starting to get comfortable around the compound, you had the itch to explore every inch of it. It was natural for someone your age to seek out their environment and try to discover what the world holds around them. Most kids your age, however, are not surrounded by multi-million dollar science labs housing tech that could quite literally destroy the world.

Until recently, you never felt the need to go out of your way and seek new things, it was stressful enough for you to just find solace in the fact that you were safe here now and no one had any sort of hidden agenda. You had grown accustomed to trusting no one during your time at Hydra; it was hard for you to believe that anyone would want you without something in return, but Wanda made you feel safe again.

The more your worries melted away about this place, the more you became more curious about your surroundings, wanting to touch and feel anything you could get your hands on and know why and how anything and everything came to exist. Up to this point, you’ve had no boundaries throughout the compound. There was no need really, you mostly followed Wanda around like a lost puppy, attached to her hip, never venturing to somewhere she didn’t lead you to.

This morning, however, Wanda left you in the common room to watch tv while she made you breakfast. This gave her a clear view of you when needed, but ultimately the freedom to whip up your meal quickly without interruption. You sat there facing the cartoons on the television, but your mind couldn’t help but wonder what lays down the hallway by the stairwell. You’ve seen plenty of people go in that direction, but you’ve never been down it yourself. No one had specifically told you that you weren’t allowed down the hallway, so why haven’t you explored it yet? What are you waiting for? Nothing, there’s no reason for you to be left in the dark about it at this point, so you get up from the couch in the living room and head down the mysterious hallway.

The corridor had a few twists and turns; but not too long after venturing down, you came to an elevator plastered with a warning sign that read Authorized Personel Only underneath a red exclamation point encased in a triangle. This didn’t phase you much though because those are big words and you barely know how to read yet. Sure, you could sound it out, but even if you got that far, you wouldn’t know what it meant. To you, the exclamation point just screamed fun.

On the next floor up, there was a room with large blurred glass windows and a set of automatic doors. You walk right in with ease, wondering why the lights are so bright in there. The room is littered with every kind of tech you can imagine, you curiously examined all the different gadgets and machines that were strewn about. One of the items on the counter was a remote, it held a couple of buttons on it, but there was one large blue button housed by a glass door that had you intrigued.

“Y/N, do you want me to put syrup on your waffles?” Wanda called out to you from the kitchen. She knew that you would ultimately want syrup on your waffles, but she made it a habit to give you as many decisions as she could. This way, you can have her put the syrup on for you or you could do it yourself. Either way, it was a part of your life that you could control and after growing up in similar circumstances to you, she understood how important it is to feel in control of your own life. “Y/N?” She follows up after not hearing a response as she makes her way over to the couch. Once she's met with empty cushions staring back at her, she starts looking around in areas that you frequented. Like the bedroom, movie room, and bathroom; but when she comes up empty in each spot her nerves began to rise. It’s not like you to just walk off.

Without thinking of what the button could be controlling, you lifted the glass housing and pushed both of your thumbs down onto the blue piece of illuminated plastic. Suddenly, the lab was filled with a bright red light, and one of the machines in front of you started to shake violently. F.R.I.D.A.Y. immediately alerted the compound that one of the machines was malfunctioning. Tony and Nat rushed in, trying to figure out what was happening. And then, out of the light emerged a giant robot, towering over them all.

Your eyes widened in awe as you saw the robot come to life. "Woah!" you exclaimed as you stood still in shock.

Tony was not amused. "Y/N, what did you do?" he began raising his voice.

You shrunk at the sound of his tone. You didn't know what to say. You had just been exploring and didn't mean to cause any trouble. You didn’t mean to make anyone upset with you, especially Tony. Men already scare you a bit, so an angry man was surely not something you sought out.

Wanda quickly came in and saw the commotion. She took one look at the robot and quickly realized what was going on. With a flick of her wrist, she used her powers to shut down the machine.

“Y/N, what are you doing in here?” she asked kneeling down to your level.

“I was esploring” you stated honestly.

“You were?” Wanda was surprised, that’s not something you ever cared for before now and she wanted to tread lightly on the topic so that she didn’t completely kill your spark.

You nodded in return, “Sweetie, there are some places in the compound that aren’t safe for little ones”

“Der is?” your embarrassment began to build up, you didn’t know that you weren’t allowed here.

“It’s ok, you didn’t know. There are plenty of places you can explore, I can show you,” she states as she reaches out for your hand, which you take.

Throughout the day, Wanda took you all over the compound to show you places that you could go at anytime and other places that you can go with adult supervision. You were grateful that Wanda took the time to show you all over. Most of these places, you only needed to see once to be sated, but having never known what lay behind the doors may have driven you mad.

The next couple of days, you began breaking out of your innocent shell. With the itch for exploring scratched, you were still feeling more comfortable around the compound. Wanda felt like everywhere she went she was cleaning up after you. You began to play more with your toys in different areas, leaving them around for her to pick up. Nat found marker scribbled along the walls this morning on her way to the kitchen. Luckily, she found it before Tony and was able to show you how to clean it before he caught sight of the damage.

Wanda was grateful that Nat was there for you, not only to help teach you where the proper spots to use markers are, but also to teach you how to clean up your mess and take responsibility. This past week has been stressful for her, it almost seems like a flip just switched in your brain and you became a completely different person. Of course, there were parts of you that were still the same, but they seemed overshadowed by all of the mischief you’ve been causing.

“Put your plate in the dishwasher and we can go upstairs for your bath” Wanda explained in a gentle tone. Your eyes widened at the mention of bathtime. As quickly as you could, you placed your plate into the dishwasher and darted into the common room to delve into your toys. Confused, Wanda turned her head to watch you blatantly disobey her. Maybe you didn't hear her, “Y/N? Time for a bath, come on” she waved.

“NO!” you yelled as you continued on with your legos. Surprised by your response, Wanda had to take a deep breath before continuing, “No?” she replied in a stern tone.

“I don’t want to take a baf!” you cried out as you began smashing the legos you had in your hand down onto the floor. Unbeknownst to you, in your intense emotion, Wanda could feel the floor begin to rumble as the items that hung on the wall started shaking.

Wanda's fingers illuminated as red seeped into the air, causing all of your building blocks to vanish until you were left sitting in the middle of an empty floor. The shock of everything around you disappearing caused you to still for a few moments.

“What’s going on, Y/N? You love bathtime.” Wanda stated as she came to squat down at your level, trying to prevent the situation from escalating.

You looked back into her eyes, and instead of being mad at you, she was curious. Tears immediately began building in your eyes, and you broke under her soft gaze. Here you were causing trouble and acting out and she was nothing but gentle with you. Once your tears started to fall, she immediately wrapped you tightly in a hug, “Oh, come here detka”

“I- I sorry” you choked out before uncontrollably sobbing.

“It’s ok, let it out malyshka” she said and she gently rubbed circles into your back.

During your crying fit, Wanda scooped you up and carried you upstairs to your shared room, all the while holding you tightly and whispering reassurances in your ear.

She stood there swaying you back and forth in her arms. After a long and intense crying fit, your sobs had become quieter, and your body movements had become slower as you hesitantly began to calm down. Your cries eventually turned into sniffles as you tried to regulate your breathing, and the sadness in your expression shifted towards neutral as you relaxed into her neck. Your face was still wet with tears, but your breathing had begun to even out. As you tired yourself out, your body felt heavy in Wanda’s arms.

You took to sucking your thumb as a form of comfort, something to focus on, and as much as Wanda had been trying to nix that bad habit, she didn’t say anything in this moment, she just continued to sway her hips as you settled down in her arms.

Your eyes would occasionally flutter open and closed, struggling to stay awake as your body relaxed. Every now and then, you would let out a deep sigh as if trying to expel all the leftover sadness and frustration from your body. Wanda gently rocked you back and forth, whispering soothing words and running her hand through your hair.

Despite your exhaustion, you still had a hint of sadness in your expression and your breathing would occasionally hitch, indicating that you weren't fully over your emotional outburst. However, as you grew more tired, your tears dried up, and you became more and more at peace, finally dozing off in Wanda’s arms.

Wanda continued to hold you in her arms as she rocked you back and forth to ensure you would continue to doze off deeper. As she sat there mindlessly running her hand through your hair, she thought back to what could’ve been the cause of your outburst. It seemed like you were certainly coming out of your shell more lately but you never behaved like this. The past few days have been rough for her just trying to keep up with you. It seemed that you were extra hard to keep up with.

It could be that, like her, you were just exhausted. You weren’t used to going through so much energy at once and your body just needed its rest and you didn’t know how to interpret that so you became irritable.

Once Wanda feels confident that you’re sound asleep, she gently tries to lay you down in your bed and tuck you in. However, as she pulls away from you, your grip tightens as you whine for her.

“Shh- sh,” she coos as she tries to comfort you enough to pull away.

“Mama cuddewls-” you whined again as you tried to pull her closer, still on the edge of slumber.

The title took Wanda by surprise, her eyes immediately widened, “What did you say?”

Not completely conscious, you didn’t answer. Instead, you tried to seek comfort from her.

Giving in without hesitation, she climbed into your bed along with you to cuddle. Your body immediately molded to hers as you tried to get as close as possible for comfort. She held you with a goofy smile on her face, elated to know that you think of her as your mother.

The feeling of you being her daughter came to her the moment she laid her eyes on you through the cell door, but she never wanted to push or pry to be that for you. She wanted you to keep the memories of your birth mother and instead of replacing her, she simply wanted to exist along with her. To be there for you no matter the circumstance, to teach you that good really does exist in the world, to simply be in your corner.

Taglist: @mymommawanda @livslifeonline @reggierizzoli @mythixmagic @lesbicentism @marvelogic @katethewriter @inluvwithfictionalwomen @spooky-reader1 @marvelogic

Lmk if you ever want to be removed or added <3

#wanda marvel #wanda maximoff #the package au #the package #wanda x y/n #wanda maximoff x child!reader #little reader #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x you #wanda maximoff fanfiction #wanda mcu #mcu #wanda maximoff x little!r #mommy wanda #mama wanda #natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff mommy

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fma03anniversary · 8 months

Text

Happy 20th anniversary FMA. Let's put some forgotten feathers back in your cap.

Melissa was the #1 anime theme song to wrap 2003, and peaked at #2 on the Oricon Singles Chart - Japan's music industry standard for charting CD singles. Melissa became the #34th top selling single for 2003 and was only on sale for two months of the year (Melissa went on sale Sept 26th and Oricon is tracked Dec 1 - Nov 30). Melissa ranked #66 in top Japanese singles for 2004 too. The song would be on the Oricon charts for 38 weeks! Melissa won Animage Magazine's 2004 Anime Grand Prix for Best Anime Song.

Ready Steady Go! was the 18th best selling single of 2004 and peaked at #1 on the Oricon Singles Chart, and would do so charting less than half the time of Melissa, 16 weeks.

FMA sweeps Animage Magazine's 26th Annual Anime Grand Prix held in June 2004 - winning best series, best male character (Ed), best female character (Riza), best voice performance (Romi Park), best song (Melissa @ #1, Kesenai Tsumi @ #2), and best episode (7).

FMA is on the cover of all 3 major Japanese animation magazines for July 2004 - Newtype, Animage, and Animedia.

July 31, 2004 L'arc~en~Ciel make their North American debut at Otakon. Prior to their concert held at the 1st Mariner Place (now CFG Bank Arena) in Baltimore, to a crowd of 12,000 the first episode of the upcoming FMA English dub is premiered.

Rewrite peaks at #4 on the Oricon charts and becomes the 63rd best selling single of 2004. Rewrite won Best Anime Theme Song at the American Anime Awards at New York City Comicon in 2007.

FMA gets the rare honour of going to reruns in Japan.

FMA debuts on Adult Swim and is on the cover of all 3 major North American anime magazines for November 2004 - Newtype USA, Anime Insider, and Animerica.

FMA pulls in a ton of new viewers to Adult Swim for December 2004.

TV Asahi ranks FMA the most popular animated TV series in Japan in fall 2005, a year after it finished airing.

FMA is the best selling anime series on DVD for 2005 in North America. Individual DVD volume sales are so strong they rank alongside anime movies.

Anime News Network crowns FMA the best series of 2005.

Link is the #4 anime song for 2005 and peaks at #2 on the Oricon chart.

Conqueror of Shamballa is the #7 anime movie and #47 movie overall in Japan for 2005.

Anime Expo 2006 celebrates FMA. AX teams up with FUNimation to premiere Conqueror of Shamballa at the convention, hosted by guests of honour: Seiji Mizushima (Series Director), Mike McFarland (EN Director), Masahiko Minami (President of Studio Bones), Romi Park (who unfortunately had to cancel last minute), and Vic Mignogna.

Conqueror of Shamballa set to screen in 40 North American theatres. In !!2006!!

In the first ever event to honour voice acting, direction, production, etc of English anime in North America, the American Anime Awards were held at New York City Comic Con in 2007, handing out awards for the Best Of 2006. Online fan voting selected the finalists and FMA led the nominations with 5. The series would lose Best Feature (CoS) to FFVII Advent Children, but win Best Long Series, Best DVD Packaging, Best Cast, and Best Theme Song (Rewrite). Source (1), (2), (3)

Over five years after its Japanese debut and four years after it's North American start, as Brotherhood begins airing in Japan FMA still ranks #7 for best selling anime series on DVD in North America for spring 2009!

#Fullmetal Alchemist #FMA #FMA03 #fma 2003 #conqueror of shamballa #Info Post

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w-wolfhard · 6 months

Note

hi would u write for rodrick heffley? i’m living off of crumbs lmaoooo

paring : rodrick heffley x f!reader.

warning(s) : none.

a/n : yall oh em gee i havent been on tumblr in so long holy shit😭 missed y'all😪 also i'm writing f!reader cus thats what im used to but if ya need me to write it differently i could try and do so 🫡🫡

in which y/n & rodrick try to bake cookies for a thanksgiving party but fail horribly.

it was thanksgiving weekend and rodrick's family next door was throwing a party. everyone had to bring a dish if they wanted to enter, so there you were; in your house next door, trying to bake a batch of last minute cookies with rodrick.

he pulled out the cookie dough from the fridge, slapping the package on the counter, "soooo.." he sighed. "do you know how to do this?" rodrick questioned, looking at the package of cookie dough as if it were a question from his previous math test.

"sure i do!" you said hesitantly. "you just have to– i dunno." you sighed as well.

"well okay.. that's fine. that's alright! neither of us know how to bake fucking cookies but that's decent!" he tried to be enthusiastic but he just sounded stupid.

"rodrick no, we're being fucking dumb. we don't even have to make the cookie dough. how are we gonna fuck this up if the cookie dough is already made?!" you rambled, slapping the cookie dough.

"i don't know man! it's you and i, and we could never cook!"

"we've never even tried cooking, dumbass!" you slapped your forehead. "y'know what, directions exist for a reason; let's read the directions." you told him, taking a deep breath.

"nuh-uh! directions are for babies, y/n. we're highschoolers, we can do this without that dumb shit." he scoffed.

"yeah, we're highschoolers that don't know how to bake cookies," you bit the inside of your cheek. "if you don't wanna read the directions then be the director! go on, i'll follow."

"fine! then i will," he folded his arms. "why dont we just roll up the cookie dough into a ball, place it on a paper plate then pop it in the oven?" he said proudly. "ya ever thought of that smartass?"

"i'm glad i haven't, 'cause what in the world kind of plan was that. you sound like a kindergartener rodrick." you narrowed your eyes at him and he looked at you offended. "seriously?! a big ball of cookie dough, on a paper plate, in the oven? we'll blow up or something!"

"will not!" he argued.

"gosh, i'm dating someone insane," you muttered.

"well do you got a better plan? 'cause if you do, i'd like to hear it." rodrick scoffed.

"how 'bout we, i dunno, read the directions?"

he groaned, giving in. "fine. just so we can get this over with so we could finally feast back at my house."

you chuckled and picked up the package, reading what it says; step #1 – get a trey. step #2 – put small pieces of dough onto the trey. step #3 – bake the cookies in the oven at 350° for 10-12 minutes. step #4 – take them out let them sit for a bit & feast on your cookies!

"that's basically what i said—"

"that's the complete opposite of what you said." you cut him off, shaking your head. you both did as the directions said; rodrick handed you the trey and you covered it with parchment paper while rodrick was preheating the oven. you and rodrick made small balls of dough together and placed them on the trey, spaced out good enough.

once they finished doing all that, rodrick popped the trey of cookies into the oven and closed it. once they finished, they pumped their fists in the air, celebrating. "woohoo! we so just did that!" you gave him a high five.

"definitely! i can't wait for them to be done!"

"yup, then we can finally go to your place and feast on the funnel cake your mom made." you licked your lips.

you both cheered and went over to the couch in your living room and watched tv. you guys were so indulged in the movie that was playing that you forgot about the cookies. except the smell reminded the both of you. "rodrick! the cookies!" it's definitely been over 10-12 minutes since you guys last popped those in the oven.

"fuckfuckfuck" rodrick hurriedly took out the cookies which looked burnt but still looked edible. you both sighed, "well we tried?"

"did we rodrick, did we?"

"yes we did." he nodded slowly. " atleast that's what we'll tell them," he chortled, grabbing two paper plates and stacking the cookies on it neatly, he made his way to the front door while you followed. he handed you one of the plates, as he unlocked the front door, "after you m'lady."

"never call me that again," you both laughed and he shut the door behind him locking it. he picked a cookie from the top of the stack, "cheers to shitty cookies on thanksgiving?"

you chuckled and grabbed the cookie on the top of your stack, "cheers to shitty cookies on thanksgiving." you clinged your cookies together and then took a bite.

god were they burnt.

you both forced yourselves to choke it down. "i'll stick to your mom's funnel cake." you sighed as rodrick unlocked his front door.

"yeah same."

susan answered with a grin, "hello y/n! come in, come in!" she stared down at your cookies and her grin morphed into a different look, "are those edible?" she motioned to the cookies in your guys' hands.

"well yeah, but i advise that you don't eat them. leave it to the little ones to chow it down." you snorted and rodrick nodded in agreement.

#rodrick heffley #rodrick heffley x reader #rodrick heffley x you #rodrick heffley x y/n #diary of a wimpy kid #doawk #doawk rodrick #✿┊𝐬𝐞𝐛'𝐬 𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐬!

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scentedpatrolpenguin · 4 months

Text

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#writing a television screenplay #direct tv packages #affordable price tv #new lg plasma #Youtube

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pepaldi · 5 months

Text

As we chat, the postman rings the bell, delivering packages. Council tree surgeons are working on the road outside. My son needs water, words of comfort, possibly he just wants another good long look at Capaldi. I’ve never interviewed anyone in my own home before and the limitations of the format are becoming apparent. But Capaldi seems to respond well to the setting and its lack of frills. His adult daughter and her family have been visiting, brand new baby in tow. When I apologise for all the noise and interruptions, Capaldi says it’s nothing compared to a newborn.

He and Collins were young parents themselves when his directing career fell apart. Arriving back in London from the disastrous Manhattan trip, “The initial feeling was shock. Then a pragmatic survival instinct kicked in.” Capaldi rejoined the auditioning circuit. “I was a psychiatrist in Midsomer Murders. I was a beekeeper in Poirot – AN Other Actor. Someone else would have turned down these parts first.” Collins, until that point an actor, too, decided to pivot into development and production, a career move that has worked well for her.

“This business is full of people who are not the real thing,” he says, “people I perceived to be artists ’cos they had posh accents, but who didn’t have it, they just sounded like they did.” He goes on to tell a tantalising but intentionally vague story about a major star he worked with, someone who revealed themselves through the course of an acting collaboration to be a dud hiding in plain sight. He won’t provide details (“Too easy to figure out. When everyone’s dead I’ll tell you”), but he says the experience changed him professionally, leaving him more aware of his own limitations, but grateful to have a little vinegar and grit in the mix. “There’s a kind of smoothness, a kind of confidence that comes from a good [paid-for] school. That’s what you’re struck by: they seem to know how to move through the world recognising which battle to fight, where to press their attentions. But it can make the acting smooth, which to me is tedious. I like more neurosis. More fear. More trouble, you know?”

In the new TV show, Criminal Record, he explores a more mortal kind of ageing, life’s third act, its inevitable professional humblings. Capaldi plays a London DCI in his 60s, coming to the end of a career, already moonlighting as a private security contractor, intimidated by the thrust and purpose of a younger colleague at the Met played by Cush Jumbo. As Jumbo’s character grows in confidence, Capaldi’s shrinks. It is a paradox of experience he can relate to. “I find the older I get, the closer I am to who I was,” he says.

I ask him to explain.

“Like I’m returning to… ‘roots’ is the wrong word. I feel more and more like my mother and father, more and more keenly aware of the values they had.” He provides an interesting example, how he has become all thumbs around the act of tipping in restaurants: “I can be in a complete sweat about that.” He can imagine his parents, both dead now, in a similar muddle. “From the background we come from, you can have a bit of anxiety about coming across as grand. So you have to allay that by making sure you are communicating with everybody, all the time.”

Capaldi shakes his head, chuckling softly. He has finished his coffee. He’s about to put on his big coat, say goodbye to my son, and walk back through Whoville to his home and his family. Before he leaves we return to the subject of actors from privileged backgrounds. He says he feels mean, like he took unfair advantage of them in their absence. “It’s not their fault,” he says. “It’s just that there’s less and less of my lot in the arts.” And this concerns him, he continues, because “people of all backgrounds are sophisticated, are interesting, are equally prone to tragedy and joy. Any art that articulates that is a comfort. Art is the ultimate expression of you are not alone, wherever you are, whatever situation you are in. Art is about reaching out. So I think it’s wrong to allow one strata of society to have the most access.”

He nods, feeling he’s expressed himself better. I agree.

The whole interview over at The Guardian.

#Peter Capaldi #The Observer Magazine #Criminal Record #Part of the interview but link to the whole thing

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elizais · 3 months

Text

nothing else, only you

chuuya x reader fluff/comfort warnings: ??, this is short sorry dividers by v6que

god, it had been an awful day for you. it was not just one major thing, you couldn't pinpoint one event that had solely ruined your day. the plethora of different factors that creeped into a mountain of issues towered over you like a looming, dark shadow. just one last inconvenience could push your tears over the edge of your waterline.

you wanted nothing more than to go back home, throw in some food that most certainly done nothing good for you, watch tv with chuuya and forget about this day. a day that dragged you through hell by the collar of your shirt.

opening the door, the lights were already on. chuuya was home before you, unusual yet pleasant. his keys were still on the counter so he must have just gotten back. to have a somewhat dignified ending to your day, you opened the freezer to fish out whatever you could throw into the oven and call a day.

finding something edible and tossing it in, you beelined for the bathroom to shower as it cooked. chuuya was probably in the bedroom watching tv and didn't hear you come in.

stepping out of the shower, you walked into the bedroom for your pajamas. chuuya was not there. not a big deal, exhaustion was preventing you from having a coherent chain of thought anyways. as you walked back to the kitchen, you spotted chuuya reading the back of the packaging you left on the counter with a blank face. "doll, these are 3 weeks out of date." he softly spoke, greeting you with a smile. unfortunately, that was the inconvenience that completely shattered you.

he watched your eyes become glassy as he walked over to you, taking your hands and bringing you over to the couch. did he know what had happened? no. did he know how to help you? yes. "love, this isn't about the food? is it?" he gazed gently into your eyes, figuring that your resilient nature would not falter over something so miniscule. you shook your head, a tear falling down your cheek which he was quick to wipe away.

"it's.." you began slowly, trying to gather yourself. you knew he would not judge in the slightest yet you still tried to collect your emotions a tad. "it's so silly" you explained, looking back at his patient expression.

"do i need to deal with someone?" he sternly asked, playing it off as a joke even if you both knew he would single-handedly build a planet from scratch if you even implied you wanted him to. "nobody, chuu." you smiled, finally. "just so many things happened.."

he listened to you complain as you fiddled with one of his hands, an anxious habit you must have picked up early on in your relationship.

he dabbed your face with a tissue from the box that sat politely on the coffee table, thinking carefully prior to commenting "for what it is worth, i already ordered take out." and that small sentiment brought another smile onto the face that was once surrounded by dark clouds.

as if directed to do so off stage, the doorbell rang and chuuya fetched the food as he called out "put something good on! we have the day off tomorrow!"

to chuuya nothing else existed, only you, only his love for you. will this moment be something you can laugh about in the future? definitely, but the way he can treat anything regarding you with such importance is something nobody fails to see.

#bungou stray dogs #bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungo stray dogs x reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #chuuya nakahara #chuya nakahara #chuuya x reader #chuuya bsd #nakahara chuuya x reader #bsd chuuya #chuuya nakahara x reader

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snugglyducklingbrewhouse · 1 month

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we play with fire because we like the way it burns

a mob boss!Nico x nurse!fem!reader au

Masterlist

things to know before you read

Y/n loves helping people and decided to go to nursing school in Michigan

There, she met Luke Hughes, business student, because they were in the same orientation group

There was no attraction. It was more a mutual feeling of “I am surrounded by shallow idiots and you seem to have substance”

So they became best friends despite their clashing majors and schedules

It got to the point where Ellen included items for y/n in her care packages to Luke and even special care packages just for y/n

Everyone thought they would get together, but they saw each other as siblings

“Ew, gross, he’s basically my brother”

They started movie nights because y/n wasn’t a party person and barely had time with her workload

It generally occurred at her place because she chose to always live alone. Roommates were not her style, and Luke had too many to have a peaceful movie night at his

Once y/n got accepted to nursing schools, before she even decided to go to umich for sure, she knew that she wanted to apply to hospitals and clinics all over the states to keep her options open and see where the universe takes her

Once she becomes besties with Luke and as school progressed, she realized she wanted to be relatively close to him because she couldn’t picture her life without him being her annoying best friend nearby

Jersey was already a state she was considering, but knowing Luke wanted to join his brother Jack after college pushed her a little further in that direction

After graduation, Luke moved in with Jack with the hope of joining the same mob his brother is in, while y/n found a place on her own not too far from the hospital she would be working at

Y/n knew about the mob from Luke and the stories he could share from Jack

But she didn’t think it would affect her life as much as it did once she started living in Jersey

The amount of questionable injuries she saw as an ER and trauma nurse were enough for the police to take her statement at least once a week

She carries a pocketknife and pepper spray on her, per Luke’s insistence

She has to remember to leave them behind each time she goes to a place with bag check and/or metal detectors

And she would generally be with Luke in those situations to make sure she wasn’t alone

Luke naturally has a spare key to her place, especially since there is no doorman in y/n’s building

He even made sure she got into the habit of checking her peephole each time there was a knock on her door

Y/n knows Jack from him chauffeuring his brother from time to time and other meetups

She hasn’t officially met Nico but she knows who he is, as does the rest of the city and greater area

Nico knows of y/n through Luke because he makes sure that he knows his brothers and any potential weaknesses that could be used against them

But he’s never actually met her because Luke does his best to make sure she’s not dragged into the life

The nhl exists, but the players used as mobsters are not in the league

Mob “families” are not traditional in this universe because they are based on hockey teams than actual families

The main mobs in this universe are the devils and the rangers

The teams replacing them in this universe are the New Jersey angels and the New York Americans

Most of my knowledge of mobs comes from tv, so this is not accurate or realistic by any means

#m writes #mob boss Nico au #nico hischier x reader #eventually

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insanityclause · 1 year

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EXCLUSIVE: Tom Hiddleston (Thor franchise) and Mark Hamill (Star Wars) are set to star in new Stephen King adaptation The Life Of Chuck, which will be a hot package at the upcoming Cannes market.

Doctor Sleep and The Haunting Of Hill House helmer Mike Flanagan is directing, scripting and producing for Intrepid Pictures alongside fellow producer Trevor Macy.

FilmNation will handle international sales with WME Independent handling domestic.

Based on the short story from King’s 2020 anthology If It Bleeds, The Life of Chuck is three separate stories linked to tell the biography of Charles Krantz in reverse, beginning with his death from a brain tumour at 39 and ending with his childhood in a supposedly haunted house.

The script, which was adapted prior to the WGA strike, has been in the works for several months with Hiddleston set to play the title character and Hamill joining for the role of Albie.

According to the production, the genre project will draw tonally from Stand By Me, The Shawshank Redemption and The Green Mile.

Golden Globe and Olivier winner Hiddleston is best known for Thor, Avengers and TV series The Night Manager, as well as stage projects such as Betrayal and Hamlet for Ken Branagh.

Hamill is best known for his portrayal of Luke Skywalker in the original Star Wars movies and reprised his role in both the sequels as well as the second season of The Mandalorian and season one of The Book of Boba Fett. He recently appeared in Netflix’s Sandman and will star in Intrepid and Netflix’s House Of Usher, which will air later this year.

Stephen King, aka ‘The King Of Horror’, is among the all-time best-selling authors. Among his books and short stories to have been adapted into hit movies are Carrie, The Shining, Pet Sematary, It, Stand By Me, The Running Man, The Shawshank Redemption, and The Green Mile.

This is the latest project to join a bumper Cannes market slate for FilmNation. Also on the lineup are Amy Adams-Paul Rudd comedy The Invite, Dave Bautista action-thriller The Cooler, and Andrew Garfield project Voyagers, among others.

Hiddleston is represented by UTA (US), Hamilton Hodell (UK), and Johnson Shapiro Slewett & Kole; Hamill is represented by Gersh and Kleinberg Lange Cuddy & Carlo; Flanagan, Macy and Intrepid are represented by WME, with VanderKloot Law also representing Flanagan and Reder & Feig handling Macy.

#tom hiddleston #mark hamill #the life of chuck #stephen king

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brokehorrorfan · 2 months

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The Gate will be released on Blu-ray (with Digital) in Steelbook packaging on May 14 exclusively at Walmart for $19.96. Other than the packaging, the disc is identical to Lionsgate's Vestron Video release from 2017.

The 1987 horror cult classic is directed by Tibor Takács (Sabrina the Teenage Witch) and written by Michael Nankin. Stephen Dorff, Louis Tripp, Christa Denton, Kelly Rowan, and Jennifer Irwin star.

Vance Kelly designed the Steelbook art. Special features are listed below, where you can also see the interior layout.

Special features:

Audio commentaries by director Tibor Takacs, writer Michael Nankin, and special effects designer Randall William Cook

Audio commentary by special effects designer Randall William Cook, special make-up effects artist Craig Reardon, special effects artist Frank Carere, and matte photographer Bill Taylor

Isolated score selections and audio interview with composers Michael Hoenig and J. Peter Robinson

The Gate: Unlocked featurette

Minion Maker featurette

From Hell It Came featurette

The Workman Speaks! featurette

Made in Canada featurette

From Hell: The Creatures & Demons of The Gate featurette

The Gatekeepers featurette

Making of The Gate featurette

Teaser trailer

Theatrical trailer

TV spot

Storyboard gallery

Behind-the-scenes still gallery

When best friends Glen and Terry stumble across a mysterious crystalline rock in Glen’s backyard, they quickly dig up the newly sodden lawn searching for more precious stones. Instead, they unearth The Gate — an underground chamber of terrifying demonic evil. The teenagers soon understand what evil they’ve released as they are overcome with an assortment of horrific experiences. With fiendish followers invading suburbia, it’s now up to the kids to discover the secret that can lock The Gate forever… if it’s not too late.

Pre-order The Gate.

#the gate #horror #80s horror #1980s horror #stephen dorff #vestron video #steelbook #dvd #gift #vance kelly #tibor takács #kelly rowan #cult classic #80s movies #1980s movies

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playbucky · 9 days

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Sergeants // 2

You and Soap joined the 141 together, as you’re a deal package but the longer they are together, the more people see them they recognise that they are more. Part 1. Word Count - 794. Characters - Reader, Soap, Ghost, Price and Kyle.

‘Soap?’ You quizzed, your wide eyes looked around the room to take in the men who stood, and your gaze dropped to Simon. ‘Johnny?’ You whispered, the body on the ground didn’t move. You pushed through the doorway, Simon was up and wrapped an arm around your waist before you could reach him. You scratched and kicked him as your eyes landed on Johnny, the blood had pooled around him. ‘Johnny.’ You sobbed, and the men looked away as you growled. ‘Let me go.’ You hit his side, Price and Kyle looked heartbroken. ‘I can’t.’ ‘Simon, please.’ You begged, his grip tightened around you. ‘We need to leave, the bombs still going.’ Price said. ‘No, I can’t leave him.’ You sobbed, Simon moved you so you were in front of him. ‘We need to.’ He said. ‘This isn’t how he wanted to go.’ You said, a hiccup broke free. ‘I’m sure he’d rather you be alive than with him.’ SImon suggested, you looked at Johnny’s body before you focused on Simon. ‘I need him to live.’ You whispered. ‘And he needs you alive.’ He retorted. ‘I can’t move.’ You sobbed, you were unable to move your eyes from his body, Simon grunted. He moved his gun and bent his knees, he rested his shoulder below your chest and lifted. Your arms tightened around his waist as you choked on sobs, and everyone ran.

‘Y/N?’ Gaz called, you didn’t respond, only stared across the heli. Gaz slid his attention to Ghost who shook his head, he didn’t want to push you. You pushed off your seat, their stomachs dropped for a split second but then you sat down next to Price, his face twisted as you talked to him before he nodded. The pair of you talked for another five minutes before you stood up and returned back to your seat. You legs crossed on the seat as you focused on Soap’s wrapped body. Price and Kyle managed to get his body before they left.

Simon walked up to the black door, the address Soap had sent him one time when he was sent on a solo mission. He wanted him to have it just in case. Now that he and the team hadn’t heard from you in two weeks he took it into his own hands to see if you were okay have been discouraged by Price. He raised a curled fist and chapped the door. He stood in silence as he waited, the door was opened. His gaze dropped down to a little girl, her eyes a bright blue as she looked up at him, waiting. ‘Is Y/N here?’ He asked, she nodded. ‘Mum?’ She shouted, Simon tensed and looked into the house before your figure made an appearance, you lifted your head and made eye contact with him. ‘Y/N?’ He said, the young girl walked away when you appeared at her side. ‘Simon.’ You greeted him, a small smile graced your lips. ‘I thought I’d come by and check how you’re doing.’ He said, suddenly feeling ‘I’m good,’ he looked at you, ‘Just trying to get used to it.’’ You informed him, he could see the dark bags that framed your eyes. ‘She’s his daughter, isn’t he?’ Simon asked, both of you looked at the kid, the wild blue eyes looked around. ‘Yeah.’ You sighed, ‘Turns out one night is all that you need.’ You commented, you voice shaking with emotion. ‘It wasn’t mentioned.’ He grumbled, you chuckled and looked at your daughter who was taking the news surprisingly well, but it broke your heart more. ‘She’s our gem, our sanctuary.’ You explained, ‘Price and Laswell were the only ones who knew.’ You said, he nodded and watched your gaze settle on her again. It was shocking how much she looked like Soap, with her dark hair and bright eyes. Even the smile, which was directed at the character on a TV show was a copy of his. ‘You aren’t coming back are you?’ Simon said, the realisation settling in his stomach. ‘No, I don’t think I can, I need to focus on my daughter.’ ‘She’s the last bit of Johnny, and I can’t let her disappear from me.’ You told him, your heart spilt, you were going to leave your lifelong job, the only one you had known to take care of your baby. We would’ve supported you.’ Simon informed you, you smiled but shook your head.‘I don’t need support, Si, I just need to live my life now.’ You told him, a sigh breaking past your lips, ‘I’ve put it off long enough.’ You admitted, he held eye contact with you before he nodded. ‘Okay.’ He said, you blinked and stray tears ran down your cheeks.

#soap x reader #reader x soap #john soap mactavish #john mactavish #john mactavish x reader #reader x john mactavish #soap cod #soap mactavish #soap mactavish x reader #reader x soap mactavish #cod #cod mw #cod mw soap #cod mw3 #cod modern warfare #simon ‘ghost’ riley #john 'soap' mactavish

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