#didn’t know if I wanted to add this but was listening to drunk drivers/ killer whales by carseatheadrest for a lot of this

[mymreaderlibrary]

Hey buddy, gotta say, fucking LOVE your old man yaoi post with price and reader. It's also one of my favorite things and shit if you'd like could you write more about them? Like I need these two old men to finally own up and kiss damnit 😭

I wanted to get this out way earlier but ANYWAYS IM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT AAAAGHHGH I honestly wanted to write about it a lil more but I wasn’t sure. I hope this is good, no beta cause I’m a looney toons of a writer who’s stubborn as hell.

[old friends to lovers, slight angst, injury ment, laswell is so fuckin annoyed by being the only smart person, use of y/n though they’re kinda treated more like an oc sorry, the ramblings continue]

[length: 1324 words]

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They didn't speak of the night before, but they honestly didn't have to. Y/n and Price could tell their feelings were mutual, or at least stronger than a typical friendship, but instead they chose to be stopped by an invisible road block.

For y/n it was the feeling of lost time. They weren't young anymore, they didn't have the energy nor time for things like relationships and... well he wasn't sure if Price would want to be stuck with an old fart like himself. Price aged in a way that'd make any man jealous meanwhile y/n? Not so much. He was greying, his bones ached more often than not, he spent half of his time drinking shitty liquor that made his teeth reek, and, as much as he hates to admit it, he's just not handsome anymore. Price deserved to be with someone who still had life to them. Maybe a spunky military gal who could keep him on his toes or private operative with an infinite list of missions to complete. What he didn't need, however, was someone who already had their chance and wasted it. Y/n should've told him just how much Price meant to him, how much he envied the people who got to stay by his side. He should've searched for him, got on his hands and knees and begged to come with. Convince whoever had them separated to change their mind. He didn't care if he still went through the same pain he did when he was alone, if he had to amputate his own damn leg again, or deal with the loss of his parents one more time. As long as he could've done it by Price's side he would've been happy or at the very least satisfied. But that was the past and the current y/n could never catch up to the man Price had become.

However for Price it was guilt. He remembered the days that y/n and him felt invincible. Like every little thing was just a stepping stone in their grand journey to glory. No matter the pain they persevered, found solutions where others would've given up, made names for themselves amongst crowds of soldiers all baring the same purpose. Too bad those names couldn't stop them from being split up, from losing their friends, their families, from being sent all across the world with no way of knowing if the other was even alive. Those names couldn't stop y/n from losing his entire calf... (Price hated that he only knew of his friends injury due a rumor involved with y/n's discharge). Y/n shouldn't even be here, his time in the military was over, he paid his penance, he should be at home watching tv on a leather couch with a beer in hand. Nothing on the mind but whatever sore loser couldn't figure out tonight's Jeopardy categories. But no, Price had to go and drag him out from retirement, right back onto the front lines. Straight back into trouble. Even if he wasn't on the field that didn't mean he was away from risk. His mere association with the 141 planted a target on his back that wouldn’t be removed by simply walking away. Price didn't feel he deserved y/n's affection not when all he ever did was put him in danger.

So they both stayed like that, infinitely stubborn, hellishly avoidant, and not nearly as sly as they thought. The 141 didn't have a full understanding of what was going on between the two, but they could tell there was some unfinished business. Gaz thought maybe one of them slighted the other and neither have taken the step to apologize for it. Soap thought y/n perhaps betrayed Price and that's why he's missing part of his leg. Ghost had... almost the right idea, thinking there was a strange tinge of romantic tension between the two though he assumed it was from something like a love triangle. Maybe y/n and Price loved the same woman and had some unfinished rivalry? Regardless, it was not his problem so much as it didn’t effect the mission.

Laswell however, she knew. She wouldn't have the position she did if information like this just flew past her radar. She knew of their history, she saw how they reacted to one another. Laswell wasn't blind for god's sake, in fact she felt like the only one with eyes at the moment. She wasn't so crass as to demand them to make up and get it over with, but having no one to complain to was definitely testing her patience. Instead she stuck to subtly, casually chatting with Price about y/n and dropping questions in regards to their past missions together and how close they were, hoping to make some wheels turn in his rusted head. She wasn't gonna do more than that however, they were two grown men and if they couldn’t figure it out that was their problem. Could they just be a little more subtle though?

It took until a, quite literally, explosive scenario for them to finally get it together. A bullet had gotten lodged into Price's shoulder after an enemy made a lucky shot. It was far from the worst thing the Captain had faced but it still wasn't great, hurt like a bitch for one. And secondly it seemed to send y/n into a spiral. He was practically fuming when Price got back, going on some sort of rant about hygiene and wound care. Y/n demanded to be the one to dress Price's shoulder with a tone that had the others knowing they were not invited to watch unless they wanted to join in on the incoming lecture. And lecture he did, through the whole process Price could barely get a word in. Y/n paced and raved, threw his arms in the air and even knocked over supplies on accident. He was a complete mess and it wasn't until y/n was literally out breath that the Captain could finally speak.

An explanation of what happened was given, it was just luck (bad luck in regards to Price) that he got hit. This wasn’t overly common and the team knew how to deal with these wounds. Everything was okay, it was going to be fine. This just came with the job, risks were inevitable.

They were quiet, looking at each other and letting the silence permeate the room. Price reached his hand out to touch y/n’s but was caught off guard as the other man suddenly leaned it. Knocking his head against Price’s good shoulder and breathing heavily, y/n shuddered a silent cry. A plead for Price to be safe. Whatever false version of safety he could promise, just please don’t die out there.

The Captain raised his outstretched hand to cup the back of y/n’s head, running a thumb over the stubbled hair. Letting his hand slide to his face and pushing him back just an inch.

Another moment of silence. Hearts beating like rabbits.

“You gonna actually do something or do I-“

Price shut him up as quickly as he could. It was clumsy, a bit shaky, and definitely desperate, but the moment their lips touched it felt like pure ecstatic relief. Relief that this was finally happening, relief that the invisible barrier they built around each other was so weak, but mostly relief that those moments, all those touches and lingering stares weren’t for nothing.

They breathed in each others scent, something they’ve come to know so well and yet in this moment it felt brand new, and infinitely stronger. The spice of a cigar, the sting of sweat, and- oh right, sterile wipes. Price was left to chuckle awkwardly and y/n backed away. Any childish excitement felt would have to wait but at the very least they had this.

#sorry was stuffing my mouth with turkey today so I didn’t finish it when I wanted to #insert video of dude fuckin up that dry ass chicken sandwich #didn’t know if I wanted to add this but was listening to drunk drivers/ killer whales by carseatheadrest for a lot of this #my writing #mw #male reader #x male reader #john price #john price x male reader #probably ooc 😭😭😭😭😭 AURHHFJGNFJFN #im so shy about this help #cod #cod x male reader #price cod #ramblings #old man yaoi

[puppypeter]

✨ All fics are complete! ✨

He Loves Me Cause I’m Cute, He Thinks I’m Pretty Funny | 2588 words 📱

He watches it back one more time after it posts, checking for typos in his subtitles and captions, and has to laugh again.

Steve fucking Rogers? His brain thought he could pull Captain America, literal superhero and America’s favorite sweetheart?

“Hello I’m a 35 year old amputee living in New York and I think that I could get Steve Rogers.”

OR

the one where bucky posts a tiktok and steve is utterly smitten.

Summer Slipped Us Underneath Her Tongue | 10712 words 🧳

Bucky is a tour guide who enjoys sharing the rich history and culture of each city they pass through with a bunch of early-20's college students who just want to know the cheapest place to get drunk.

Except for Steve, who asks Bucky for a personal tour around his hometown.

The rest is, as they say, history.

You Make My Heart Skip A Beet | 3853 words 🧑🏼‍🍳

“I made soda bread.” Steve lets out the 6’2” supersoldier equivalent of a squeak. “Oh, I love soda bread,” he says eagerly, rolling forward on the balls of his feet like he does when he gets excited. “My mom used to make it all the time when I was growing up.” The tips of Barnes’s ears turn red, and he mutters something that sounds suspiciously like, “I know.”

Ollie Meets Bagel | 5517 words 🥯

He was a skater boy, Steve said let's get bagels, boy.

Steve wants to start doing this twenty-first century thing properly. He gets help in the form of skateboarding, skateboarders, bagels, and Sam Wilson.

Taxi | 5113 words 🚕

Bucky Barnes was, he hoped, a good taxi driver.

He's so good, he actually tries to return lost property that ends up left in his car and... well. It has some unexpected consequences involving a National Icon.

Enough said.

Leg Day | 12157 words 🏋️‍♂️

“So talk to him,” Sam says.

“I can’t,” Bucky groans. “I can’t, Sam, I. He just.” He fluffs his hair up and stares at Sam, distraught. “I want him to bench press me.”

“Okay, so it’s serious,” Sam interprets. “Got it."

(Or: The one where Sam is Bucky's long-suffering roommate, Bucky is a hot mess of a millennial, and Hot Steve spends far too much time on the Lat Pull-Down machine.)

Love In Aisle Four | 2127 words 🛍️

When Bucky needs to swing by the supermarket after a long, hard day of work, the last thing he expects is to meet a cute grocery clerk named Steve…

Coming Up Easy | 45515 words ✍🏻

“Listen, I was just thinking,” Steve says, his face open, eyebrows raised in a tentatively hopeful expression. “Why don’t you come stay at my place for a while? I’ve got an office that I barely use, and a change of scenery might do you good, right? Help you beat that writer’s block?” With a crooked smile, he adds, “I promise I’m not a serial killer.”

While Bucky would normally crack a joke about how that’s exactly what a serial killer would say, right now, all he can do is blink at Steve in surprise, heart tripping over itself in his chest. Steve wants him to come and stay at his place. In Massachusetts. Just the two of them.

"Oh," Bucky croaks. "I- Wow."

“I mean, no pressure,” Steve says hastily. “Totally fine if you don’t wanna. I just thought I’d offer, in case it might help, y’know?”

“Yeah.” Bucky ignores the little voice in his head that sounds an awful lot Nat and Becca, telling him he’s setting himself up for heartbreak. “I mean, if you’re sure, that would be amazing.”

Anywhere The Wind Blows | 8845 words 👨‍🚒🎖️

After a catastrophic fire that shakes him to his core, Steve Rogers quits his job as a Brooklyn firefighter and relocates to a cabin in the remote Canadian wilderness, wanting quiet and solitude and to maybe never have to speak to another human being ever again. He gets his wish, more or less, until a recently injured Bucky Barnes is discharged from the Army and rents the cabin next door.

The Safer Course | 7918 words | Part 1 of Won’t You Be My Neighbor 🏡

When Steve moves to the suburbs in 2033, he intends to retire from superhero life.

He does not intend to fall in love with his pain-in-the-ass neighbor.

Every Year I Have You | 7064 words | Part 2 of Won’t You Be My Neighbor 🏡

Steve set the bar pretty high, as birthday presents go.

Bucky is determined to outdo him when July 4th comes around.

Beneath The Mistletoe | 21203 words 🎄

Bucky had a bet with his sister that if he didn’t have a boyfriend to bring home for Christmas by the time he was 25, he had to give her $200 and go blonde for a year. But now he's 25, it’s nearing December, and not only is Bucky as single as ever, but he’s also running low on cash. He doesn’t exactly want to bleach his hair, either.

At least Steve is willing to upgrade their relationship from best friends to fake boyfriends.

The Settler | 52203 words 🍞

“What do you want to do?”

Steve pauses and looks at them.

What he wants is to stay with them. He doesn't have any family left, they all died before he even joined the war and became... this. Captain America turned whatever he is now. But Natasha and Sam have become his family over the years. Not just because they're on the run together, fugitives and vigilantes, but way before that too.

He doesn't want to leave that.

But he knows that, realistically, he can't stay with them and they can't stay with him.

So he looks at them with a smile and lies. “I don't know.”

OR; In which Steve retires and finally finds a place to call home.

You Can’t Put Your Arms Around A Memory | 1148 words 🐈

"Alright, Bucky," Steve slows his steps, watches his neighbour stop at the bottom of the next flight of stairs. There's a canvas bag in his hand that Steve didn't notice earlier, cream coloured with the figure of a sleeping, black cat painted on it. "Have a good day."

He thinks Bucky's cheeks pink up a bit right then and there, but Steve can't tell. He's too distracted by his pounding, foolish heart, by the way Bucky smiles bashfully, and ducks his head. The way he seems like he wants to stay.

To Believe In Tomorrow | 3959 words 👨🏻‍🌾

Bucky's mornings at the community garden get a little more interesting when the new guy shows up.

Maybe This Christmas | 24873 words | Part 1 of Maybe ❄️

Bucky’s not going home for Christmas. But it’s fine. He’s spending Christmas alone in his apartment, but it’s cool. He’s not feeling up to seeing his family after his accident anyway, plus he has to work. He’s totally fine with it. But then he runs into Steve, literally, and suddenly his Christmas isn’t looking so empty after all.

-----

Hurrying was a bad idea. Bucky’s foot hits a patch of ice and slides out from under him in what would have been a comical cartoon banana-peel-like trip, if it wasn’t happening to him, and he braces himself to hit the ground. This is going to hurt.

“Fuck,” Bucky screeches, but as he lands on his back, it’s not the cold hard concrete he expected, but a solid mass beneath him. Oh god, Bucky thinks as he realises he smacked into the person behind him and took them down with him.

Maybe This Year (Will Be Better Than Last) | 133868 words | Part 2 of Maybe ❄️

Last year, Bucky Barnes met Steve Rogers. Well actually, he slipped and fell on him. What followed was the best Christmas either of them had ever had. But what happens when Christmas is over and life returns to normal? What happens after the Christmas miracle?

-----

Bucky should have known. He did know. When things seem too good to be true, they usually are. And Steve is the best thing that has happened to him in a long time, possibly ever, so of course it couldn’t last.

Maybe This Time (I Hope I Get The Chance To Say Goodbye) | 34561 words | Part 3 of Maybe ❄️

Steve and Bucky Barnes are happily married. They've made it through some hard times and come out stronger and happier, together. Then Steve gets called on to come out of retirement for the most important mission of his life and everything changes. Everything.

-----

“Have yourself a merry little Christmas…” Steve starts singing along softly, and Bucky chuckles, before leaning his head onto Steve’s shoulder, always happy when he’s in Steve’s arms.

“From now on, our troubles will be miles away…” Bucky joins in.

Dancing round their living room, just as in love as ever, their troubles seem light-years away, if not non-existent.

Sadly, they’re closer than they think.

The Unexpected Gift | 9504 words | Part 1 of When Winter Comes 🐕

Steve Rogers is fine.

After ending a long-term relationship with Sam Wilson, Steve moves back to New York. He's tired and lonely but depressed? No. At least, that's what he thinks.

From the window of his apartment, he watches a dark-haired man and his service dog sitting in the park, wondering what his story is.

The Winter Storm | 2218 words | Part 2 of When Winter Comes 🐕

"If I could give you one thing in life, I would give you the ability you see yourself through my eyes, only then would you realize how special you are to me."

After Bucky and Steve confessed their feelings for each other, life has its own twisted way to challenge the most profound love.

One January Night | 4213 words | Part 3 of When Winter Comes 🐕

Before going back to work, Steve Rogers still has things to learn: 1- Depression is a bitch and the battle against it isn't an easy one. 2- Dating a person with disabilities comes with its share of challenges.

Bucky Barnes Has His Shit Together (And Other Lies He Tells Himself) | 14159 words 🔒

You’d think a guy who owns one of the most successful bakeries in Brooklyn, has a million-dollar smile and that antiquated good ol’ boy charm, blond hair and blue eyes and biceps for days, would know what’s what.

But don’t let that fool you: Steve Rogers is a mess.

Obvious | 917 words ☕

"Oh, I have a prompt! So, it makes me laugh how painfully obvious Steve and Bucky's feelings are to everyone when they're in that pining, slowburn, does-he-doesn't-he phase. But imagine Steve and Bucky working in a coffee shop together and constantly bickering, nudging and playfully flirting with each other. And all the employees and patrons are so invested in their relationship and just want them to kiss already but no one realizes that Steve and Bucky have been married since they got out of HS."

#stucky #steve rogers/bucky barnes #bucky barnes/steve rogers #stucky fics #stucky fic #stucky fic rec #stucky fic recs #stucky fics rec #stucky fics recs #stucky fan fiction #stucky fiction #stucky ao3 #stucky complete #stucky au #adorable stucky fics

[unsaid-stardust]

request: maybe first time juke makes out?? can be an au or canonverse, car couch or bedroom, etc. kinda like they have been adjusting to little pecking kisses to actually making out when they cuddle n stuff

thanks for the prompt, anon Chloe ! i went with a “the boys are alive and they go to the same college as Julie!” AU. Hope you like it! 💖

Luke was the driver of the night (as he was the only band member with a car). They had just played a rocking gig at The Roxy and he was currently making the rounds of dropping everyone off, saving Julie for last. She had been teasing him all night and he knew he wouldn’t get her all to himself once he dropped her off. He could tell that Julie was thinking the same thing as him from the glances she kept giving him from the passenger seat, her hand on his thigh as he drove.  

(Was he speeding to get Alex to Willie’s? Maybe, but could you blame him?)

On stage, her skin glittered underneath the heat of the spotlights. She always sounded incredible, but tonight, she was really something. It was like she was a siren calling him out to sea or a goddess of sound singing a prophecy to him; He was mesmerized the whole entire night. Plus, add in that Julie wore something a little more revealing than she normally did--a sparkly two piece that looked as if it were made for her; That alone was enough to drive him crazy.

And now, she was wearing his distressed jean jacket that was definitely too big on her, but damn did it make her look adorable. 

Lucky for him, Julie was all his. And he was all hers. After months of dancing around each other, Luke finally admitted his feelings to her on the roof of his house at 3 am. The band had played an impromptu house party that they got word was happening at one of the houses not far from campus. 

They stayed afterwards for some fun (which turned into some drunken karaoke and endless amounts of jello shots). It was then that Julie had decided to flirt with some random guy that none of the bandmates or Flynn knew. Luke chalked it up to Julie being drunk, but then he started flirting with a random girl for the hell of it, and things took a turn for the worse. He and Julie ended up in an argument prompting Luke to walk home drunk (Reggie along for the walk as he didn’t want Luke alone when he was that drunk). 

Once home, which was the studio where they rehearsed, Reggie plopped down on the couch and Luke took to the roof, a place he often went to clear his head. Not long after, did Julie show. They talked it out, both of them admitting that they only flirted with other people to get one another jealous. They shared their first kiss, which was nothing like the kiss that Luke planned on giving her as soon as Alex left the car.

“keep her in one piece, ok? She carries this band,” Alex teases. Julie giggles and Luke rolls his eyes.

“Yeah ok, Alex, say goodnight to Willie for me!” Luke calls after his bandmate, who scoffs before closing the car door. 

Luke watches from the curb to make sure that Alex gets inside ok and then practically lunges towards his girlfriend, crashing his lips onto hers, holding her hair behind her ear with one hand and the other under her chin. Julie reciprocates immediately, pushing Luke slightly back due to her own desire. Slowly, Luke pulls his lips away from hers, but only enough so that they’re not touching anymore.

“I’ve been wanting to do that all night” He states, voice low and raspy, as he peers into Julie’s chocolate-reminiscent eyes. She smiles.

“Me too,” She confesses while biting her bottom lip. Jesus, she was trying to kill him. He wants nothing more than to just stop right there and kiss her all over, but, it was getting late and he knew that Julie had an early class. He forces himself to put his hands on the wheel and to focus his eyes on the gear-shift.

“We should get you home,” He suggests secretly wishing that Julie would oppose. Julie sits back in her seat though, looking slightly defeated.

“Yeah, probably should,” She agrees. Luke presses his lips in order to stop himself from sighing, and reverses his car before pulling away. 

“Can I be DJ?” She questions him, gesturing towards his phone in the cupholder plugged into the aux cord. He almost laughs because she should know by now that he pretty much answers “yes” to any question ever that she asks him. That, and he thought it was a given that she could pick the music; she has a killer music taste after all. 

She takes a minute or two to look over his Spotify playlists (which he definitely forgot about one in particular and hoped she didn’t notice, but knowing her, she will) before she breaks the silence. 

“Luke’s Make Out Mixtape? What kind of playlist name is that ‘Playlist Patterson?” She teases using the nickname she uses to refer to his creativity when it comes to naming playlists because typically, he does have wicked titles.

3 things came into Luke’s mind then. 1. he liked the little bit of alliteration 2. she was trying to kill him with all of this teasing 3. he has two routes he could go here: banter or assertion.

She didn’t know about this playlist because he had just made it the other day after their typical kissing had briefly turned into a little more before they were interrupted. And man, did he want to go back to that. And it seemed like she did too. Pulling the car into a rather convientent empty parking lot, his mouth made the choice of #3 for him. 

“The kind of name for when you want to do this.” 

Luke leans his body towards Julie’s and their lips reconnect with more hunger than before. Not taking her lips off of his, Julie presses play on Luke’s playlist, “Kill My Time” by 5 Seconds of Summer blasting through the stereo. 

“Good...choice” Luke breathes into another kiss in between the words.

He deepens the kiss then and it’s then that his mind catches up to him and he realizes what’s happening; their first time actually making out. They had shared multiple kisses before, but nothing like the heated moment that’s happening now. And between the adrenaline that was still in his veins from playing The Roxy and the fact that Julie is now making her way to sit on his lap, he feels like he might explode. Add in that they’re listening to his make out playlist and he has some really good fucking vibes coming up, like “Tennis court” by Lorde because she was a damn good lyricist okay (And the synths basically screamed make out music), he was riding high on cloud nine. 

All of these factors combined caused Luke to want to test the waters. He didn’t want to do anything Julie wasn’t comfortable with, she had less experience than he did he knew that, but Jesus, did he want to bite her lip and kiss her all over. 

“Tell me...if anything..doesn’t feel ok...ok?” he asks her softly in between muffled kisses. Julie hums and nods her head and Luke takes it as an ok to test the waters. 

So, he does.

He slowly takes Julie’s bottom lip into his teeth lightly biting down. She makes a sound then that Luke hadn’t heard from her before and it sends shiver down his spine, a smile across his lips as he pulls away. Julie whimpers at the contrast of his lips not on hers and places her hands on his shoulders as she pushes herself forward bringing her even closer to him. Luke can’t help, but groan at the feeling of Julie against his hips. 

He kisses her neck to distract himself and Julie pushes forward against him again. Luke hears his breath shudder and he presses his lips to the spot where Julie’s jawline meets her ear. It’s Julie’s sounds that turn breathless this time and as much as it drove Luke crazy, as much as it lit a fire in him, he knew it was a sign that they should stop. 

“Jules...” He whispers as she eagerly kisses his lips. 

“yeah....” She breathes, stopping to look at him, her eyes ignited by the fire that was lit within Luke a few seconds ago. 

“We should stop...it’s getting late...” He continues before resting his forehead onto hers. Julie purses her lips and he could tell that she was disappointed too, but knew that he was right.

“yeah, probably should,” she agrees and she removes herself from Luke’s lap, returning to her own seat. Luke looks over at her and can’t help, but think of how lucky he is. This wicked beauty of a girl just happened to catch his eye at a Sunset Curve show and decided to become a part of his life and not only that, but decided to love him back. 

“Hey,” He called to her softly, getting her to look at him with her pretty doe eyes that he loves so much, and placed his thumb under her chin.

“I love you,” He whispers for the first time. Julie kisses him one last time, much more soft and gentle and slow compared to any of the previous kisses and god does he love her. 

“I love you too”. 

tagging: @moony221b @willexx @blush-and-books @littledancersun @lydias--stiles @sanssssastark

#julie and the phantoms #jatp #julie molina x luke patterson #juke #julie molina #Luke patterson #college au #the boys are alive! #ok this one was actually really fun to write #I've never really done an au before #and I kinda love it #Bree writes jatp

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #354

“swimming through the void, we hear the word  /  we lose ourselves, but we find it all”

The last time you washed your hair, did you use conditioner? I never do. My hair is naturally pretty oily, and conditioner just adds oil to it. Do you prefer light or dark jeans? Dark. I never liked light-hued jeans. When you listen to music, do you generally sing along, or just listen? I almost always just listen. Do you have any of your exes as friends on Facebook? Yes. Who was your first love? Do you ever miss that person? My first "real" boyfriend. I always do to varying degrees. How many cars are parked at your house right now? Just one. Do you have any Italian ancestry? No. Do you prefer water to be ice cold or at room temperature? The colder, the absolute better. I can barely stomach drinking water that isn't cold, like literally. Has anyone ever told you you’re a control freak? No. Do you know anyone who has gone missing? If so, were they ever found? I don't think so, anyway. What was the spiciest thing you’ve ever eaten? A certain hot sauce on the wings I used to get at Buffalo Wild Wings. It was close to the top of their little heat rating thing. It made me feel awful, and yet I enjoyed it still?? I think it was an adrenaline thing. I only get medium sauce now; I'm more interested in enjoying my food than feeling like I'm eating fire. Do you need to talk to someone? I'm ready for my therapy appointment honestly, but it's not 'til the start of June. Mom and I both don't want to go through the process of finding a new one, so I've chosen to just suck it up and wait. Is something confusing you at the moment? I'm always confused with myself and my feelings. When was the last time you had a real deep chat? Real deep, I'm sure that would've been during PHP. Who did you last see on webcam? My former group therapist. I miss him a lot and really wish he could treat me outside of the program, but he doesn't do that. :/ What’s your best friend’s pet’s name(s)? Doris, Martha, Crowley, Little Dot, Jane Marie, Buster, Beesly, Winter, and I believe only one of the fish is named: Raisha. Have you ever taken a picture while laying in the grass? No. Who’s your favorite Disney character? Dory, probably. Have you ever deliberately tried to get someone drunk? What the fuck, no. When was the last time you used a pay phone and who were you calling? I've never used one. Do you like being kissed on the neck? Whoa now buddy, we better be kind of serious by then for you to do that because it doesn't end "well" lmao. Have you ever had sex with someone you weren’t dating (but had feelings for) in the hopes that they would ask you out later? I almost deleted this question because I didn't want to answer it, but I try to leave more unique ones in, so... whatever. I haven't. But I would for "somebody." What’s the most you would be willing to spend on a good bra? Ugh, my relationship with bras is a hellish one because NONE FUCKING FIT ME CORRECTLY. Mom's tried so, so many places, so many different stores online and in-person, and even if the bra fits in the front, it won't go around my back comfortably. I guess my body is shaped weird, I don't fucking know, because I have literally ZERO bras that don't aggravate me. At some point, I'm going to some woman Mom knows who can size me properly and therefore buy some that don't piss me off. All that to say I'd actually pay more than the usual, but not a ridiculous price. Do you have any of your teachers’ personal cell phone numbers saved in your contacts list? My old Physical Science teacher, who is actually now a very close family friend and our landlord, is in my phone. Do you ever stalk peoples’ personal blogs, even if you don’t know them very well? No. What’s one thing about today’s generation that you just can’t stand? How ungrateful they can be. Be honest: how do you feel about abortion? I am pro-choice. Is there anyone you currently want to reach out to? There's a lot of people, actually. Old friends I miss. What is your favorite piece of art you own? It... sounds cocky, but it's probably the drawing I did in high school of Pyramid Head and the Halo of the Sun intertwined. I worked my fucking ass off and I'm extremely proud of it. What’s the one thing you apologized for this month? Hm. Probably just something minor, like bumping into Mom or something when passing her. My favorite color is ______? Pink, specifically pastel pink. I wish I had _____? A job. What did you buy today? Nothing. What has challenged your morals? Life, my dude. Live and learn. What made you pick up the last book you started reading? It's the sequel to the last book I read. What about your life concerns you the most? Concerns me, my physical health, especially just how weak my legs are. I'm terrified of them continuing to deteriorate. What do you find particularly offensive? Would you say you’re easy or difficult to offend? I cannot fucking stand the misuse of the word "retarded." Like just keep your damn mouth sewn shut if you have the audacity to say things like "hurr hurr this driver is retarded." ANY mental illness/condition is NOT to be mocked. Onto the next question, I'd say I'm more towards difficult to offend. It really depends on the topic. What was the last series you finished watching? Do you have any plans to begin another? I re-watched Fullmetal Alchemist w/ Sara. We're working on Avatar: The Last Airbender too, but I won't resume watching it again until we can do it together. What is one way in which you are different from a year ago? What is one way in which you are still the same? Well, I weigh a lot more. .-. I gained back almost all the weight I shed since quarantine started, and I'm forever fucking furious about it. I'm the same in most other ways. If you could learn about anything without the stress of grades or cost, what kind of classes would you take? Uhhhhh meerkat behavior? Idk. Name a song you’ve listened to today? I've got Halocene, Lauren Babic, and Violet Orlandi's cover of "Aerials" by System of a Down on loop right now. It's fucking gorgeous and so mesmerizing. When you were younger, did you have a swing set or a playhouse in your backyard? We had a small playhouse with swings and a slide. Is your mall nice? GOD no. You better accept the possibility of getting shot before you walk in there. There's nothing that cool at all there. Do you have a Sonic near you? If so, what’s your favorite drink from there? Yeah. I love the strawberry slushy, and the Reese's Blast thing if KILLER. Will you be voting in the presidential elections next time around? Yes. How do you feel about chocolate-covered strawberries? GOOD. STUFF. Did you ever stop having feelings for someone and then started having those feelings again for them? I think so. Do you hate the last guy you had a thing with? No, he's my closest guy friend. To whom did you last give the finger? Probably some idiot that ran a red light. I'm sure it happened in the car, whenever it happened What was the last musical instrument played in your presence? I've got no clue. Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream? No, I hate the texture difference. And just sprinkles in general. Honestly, have you ever crashed a party before? No. Do you know how to do the moon walk? No. Has anybody ever told you that you have a good singing voice? Yeah, but I beg to differ. Onion rings or french fries? French fries. I'm not a big fan of the other. Has anybody ever described you as a heart breaker? Nope. Has anybody ever told you that you talk too fast? When I'm excited, yes, it happens sometimes. Who is the best cook that you know? Uhhhhh idk. Which meal throughout the day do you skip the most? I don't really skip meals. What’s the largest amount that you can juggle at one time? I can’t juggle at all. What was your favorite thing to go on at the playground as a kid? Swings. I'd dash to those at recess to try to actually get one. Do you know how much you weighed at birth? How much? All I know is six pounds, no clue on the ounces. Which aspect of your daily routine takes the most time? What do you do? Sitting my ass at the computer, really... I don't exactly do much. Do you enjoy buying gifts for others, or could you do without this? It feels sucky of me considering whenever I do get someone a gift, it's because Mom is letting me use her money with me being without an income, BUT I still do LOVE the process of thinking of something meaningful for those important to me and hopefully seeing them love whatever I got them. I cannot wait until I actually can do that regularly. What is one thing you are expected to do, if anything? Take care of my pets. How do you tend to view driving? Monotonous or entertaining? I hate driving because you're in a speeding box of death, man. I do really want to start working towards my license though; I've long since reached the "enough is enough" point. But first I need new glasses so I can actually see five feet in front of me. Do you enjoy talking about music with others? Yeah! Is acting something you enjoy? No. I'm too awkward about it. When do you feel most accomplished? When I finish a big art pierce. Do you think Manwich is amazing or completely gross? I like 'em. Just messy, which I'm not a fan of. How many best friends do you have? One. Are you a smoker, drinker, pothead or none of the above? None of the above. If you have your ears pierced, when did you get them pierced? I don't remember exactly, but I was a kid. Do you own any exercise machines? No. I wish. On Facebook, do you have people listed as your siblings who aren’t really your siblings? Nah, but I used to do that. Have you ever drawn or painted a self-portrait? Painted, but only because it was a school assignment. Who was your last voicemail from? I don't get voicemails because mine isn't even set up. Have you ever been falsely accused of something serious? No. Did you ever set up a lemonade stand when you were a kid? No. When was the last time you spoke to someone in a different language? Not since I was taking a test in high school for my German course. My teacher was a Germany native, so she was a total pro and fun to learn from. Have you ever received an anonymous gift? No. Have you ever camped out somewhere for an event the next day? No. That's always sounded miserable to me. When were you the saddest in your life? 2016 was fucking miserable. Do you know anyone, personally, who is in an abusive relationship? Are you? I don't know if it's abusive, but it's toxic and dysfunctional as HELL. I don't know WHY she keeps going back to him, I feel awful for the woman. I'm definitely not, 'cuz I wouldn't tolerate that shit for half a second. If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? They've both moved out by now. Have you ever gotten searched by the cops? Yes, as a safety protocol with mental illness stuff. Do you like fried rice? Yes. What was the last thing you drank? Would you believe me if I told you I have water right now?

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''aerials'' by system of a down

[afreakingdork]

Jessica Jones Season 3 A.K.A. Morality

I genuinely believe that the writers of Jessica Jones season 3 have no idea what morality is supposed to mean or how it applies to basic situations. We can start on this, of course, with the friction between Trish and Jessica. The series starts with Jessica doing everything she can to keep ties severed with Trish, while Trish tries in vain to chase Jessica down like a puppy so they can ‘team-up’ like old-new times with Trish’s shiny new powers. Episode 2,  “ A.K.A You're Welcome,” paints a more full picture by showing Trish’s side of the conversation. Overall, the whole thing falls so flat for a variety of reasons. I can applaud Trish’s dedication to really honing her craft, but even this is something she tries to hold over Jessica. She offhandedly remarks that Jessica could train once in a while and hints often at her inferred superiority because she actually wants to be super, or she has the right attitude to be super, or she has the actual drive to be super. All of which, paired with Rachael Taylor’s insufferable acting, makes seeing Trish feel like nails on chalkboard every single time. Trish doesn’t understand that her store bought powers and being a hero aren’t something to play around with or have moral superiority about, but she refuses to listen to anyone or even reason. It’s mind boggling because while, we know Trish has always been jealous of Jessica’s power, she of all people should know about what Jessica has been through. They were sisters against the world their whole lives, Jessica doing her best to protect and support Trish from her mother’s abuse and Trish full well knowing Jessica is basically alone in this world, not to mention all the time and everything else that she lost to Kilgrave. Jessica is a wounded soul and her powers have everything to do with that, but all that just goes out the window because Trish wants powers and Trish thinks she knows better and the show is happy to say both Trish and Jess are equally bad. Even in the end when Trish finally realizes she is the bad guy, she has to go off the deep-end and then even further into the pool before the show will even let her admit it and then it gives no time for the weight of this statement to take affect and instead just moves on.

However, let’s move back to respective family histories, there’s a line that really enraged me in episode 5, “A.K.A I Wish,” where Gillian says “I'm sick of people throwing away friends and family like there's plenty more where that came from,” because Trish and Jessica won’t talk out their issues. There are some things that you can’t come back from with family and friends, especially when they aren’t willing to move their opinions on it. There are plenty more people that you can become friends with or even make your new family (it’s called found family and is huge especially in comic books) because it’s insanely toxic to stick with someone just because you’re related to them or have been friends for a long time. It’s really hard to play along with this sentiment, especially when in episode 6, “A.K.A Sorry Face,” you have Trish and her mom, Dorothy, really go head to head about Dorothy’s abuse towards Trish. Trish’s whole life has been shaped by her mother’s abuse. She never had a moment to think for herself because Dorothy was always controlling every second of it and it was the reason Trish has resorted to drug use and relapsed multiple times, but the moment Trish, justifiably so, tries to mention this her mother flips out and still has the gall to make it about herself. When Dorothy storms out you can see that from Trish’s weak attempts to roll back on it, again a completely justifiable comment, that the show thinks that Trish is in the wrong here. Sure, Dorothy’s points on Trish’s flippant attitude towards her own safety were, in my opinion, needed; Trish is heading down an insane path where all she can see is the glory of supering and can’t see how dangerous or miserable it is (which is crazy because she’s been Jessica’s sister basically their whole lives and seen all the horrific shit Jessica has had to go through, but I’ll get to that later). Good and bad aren’t so black and white, and this show refuses to play with that. Just because Dorothy and Trish have the most precariously stable relationship now, doesn’t mean Trish isn’t still allowed to be upset about the lifetime of verbal and physical abuse she’s had to endure. 

When you compare that matter to Trish telling Jessica that she needs to get over being upset that she shot her mom, it adds a whole new layer of ‘what the actual fuck?!’ to Trish that the story isn’t particularly interested in delving into. The story seemingly wants you to agree that both Jessica and Trish are equally at fault for what’s happening. Jessica is being too callous and gatekeeping Trish, while Trish is acting rogue and playing like being super is fun. It’s insane because we see Jessica already struggling with her mother’s influence. She was already destroying herself in season 2 because her mother was evil, but also she was the last vestige of her family who still happened to be alive. In her last moments, Alisa was going to turn herself in to the police and imparts on Jessica that being a hero is worth it. It’s almost comical looking back on it now, seeing how holier-than-thou Trish has become, and knowing that she shot Jessica’s mother in cold blood because she believes it was right. Sure, Jessica doesn’t seem to have told Trish the full details of her mother’s turn in those final moments. The show fails morality yet again, when even the question comes up in conversation between Jessica and Trish, Jessica only goes so far as to say ‘it was my mother.’ Jessica completely neglects to mention that her mother turned good in her last days after getting a taste of heroics and instead plays the ‘she was my family and you didn’t give me a choice in whether or not I should keep them’ card, that makes no sense to the total overarching argument to who is in the moral right. You can say that Jessica is a terrible negotiator when it comes to getting her point across verbally, and you’d be right, but that isn’t what the show is trying to illustrate and it’s beyond irritating.

This piss poor morality spread and infects other characters in season 3 also. We have the manifestation of morality with the introduction of Erik, who gets a physical response to evil. Nothing has bothered me more than when Malcolm scores a 3 on Erik’s bad-o-meter. Malcolm is grappling with the bad things he has done for Jeri because he thought he could justify it with the money and experience he would get now to fund him fighting for justice later, but even that wasn’t enough. Long before Erik pinged Malcolm as bad, Malcolm was already trying to atone for what he had done, physically might I add, he should have gone to the hospital for peeing blood after getting in a car accident to get a drunk driver off the streets. It makes Malcolm physically and mentally ill and he even takes time off work to consider his position and this is the moment that he pings a 3 (and, not to mention, Trish doesn’t ping at all)!? How can someone who feels guilt, knowns what he’s doing is wrong, and even takes a break to take a look at himself ping at all on the scale when Jessica is supposedly so good that she is anti-bad-dar for Erik and acts like aspirin for his bad guy headaches?! To add insult to injury, Malcolm cheats on Zaya with Berry because he’s... struggling with maybe becoming evil for some reason, but only long enough for him to immediately roll back and work as a double agent for Jeri so he can actually help Jessica put Sallinger away. Even that is short lived, when he just comes clean and quits to clear his conscience and starts to atone. It’s like the show realized that the tension between Malcolm and Zaya wasn’t enough of a morality issue and they had to have Malcolm do something extra bad to justify, again, that both parties are equally wrong in the matter. In the end though, they end up just reinforcing multiple times that Malcolm was the bad guy and Zaya never had an issue. Progression is a good thing, right?

Malcolm and Zaya are at each other on the ethics of lawyering, something that was handled much better in Daredevil and even that show had it’s faults, but nothing will enrage me more than Jeri’s line in episode 7, “A.K.A The Double Half-Wappinger,” of “...it is not our job to assess guilt or innocence.” While that is technically correct, there is a huge glaring problem with how the show is using it. The show is obsessed with the alleged portion of Sallinger’s guilt, in that he is so smart he leaves no evidence behind and is always multiple steps ahead of investigators trying to find a mistake on his trail. Only criminal defense attorneys do not decide if the client is innocent or guilty. While that is Jeri’s position as Sallinger’s attorney, this type of attorney's concern is whether there is sufficient evidence to prove that someone has committed a crime since the jury or judge will be the one’s actually deciding the verdict. The thing is, especially based on her past history with Jessica, is Jeri does have this information, albeit not as evidence, but she still tries to proceed as if Sallinger is still innocent until proven guilty. It’s a complete implosion of Jeri’s character when she already is grappling with everything falling apart with her ALS and Kith. It’s mind boggling to think this is the same Jeri who entrusted Jessica in episode 1, “A.K.A The Perfect Burger,” to take her life when she can no longer make the choice herself due to her illness. Jeri then goes on to declare war on superheroes, for what? Short term retainer of Sallinger could distinguish her firm from it’s accused ties to powered people, but long term she knows he is in truth a serial killer and having taken his case knowing so will destroy her firm a million times more than Peter Lyonne’s suicidal statement ever did. She feels like supers are undermining her as if Jessica is trying to take advantage of her ALS and make her look weak? This is a far cry from the Jeri Hogarth that was accused of murdering her first wife or the Jeri Hogarth that was ten steps ahead to blackmail her partners from trying to force her out of the firm she helped build and get her fair share. This isn’t the Jeri we love to hate, this is just hatred to put more pressure on Sallinger’s inane hatred of super people. She’s somehow, even though she never showed interest and expressively talked back to him when he was spouting his drivel, bought into the weaker man philosophy of supers having cheated to better positions in life and has, in her mind, made her whole existence of failures hinged on them trying to make her feel weak. An unfathomable turn for her character indeed, but this is a show that thinks that digging up dirt on someone and releasing it to try to get with their wife is equivalent at all to a man pushing his wife into an open marriage to cheat and skimming money out of their dead daughter’s non-profit foundation. Jeri should have told Kith no question. I don’t think she should have done it the way she did or for the reasons she did, but we are operating on a 20% bad scale vs. an 80% bad scale. Also, Peter Lyonne was such a shithead that he would rather kill himself and blame Jeri in the process than deal with a little jail time for being a fuckface. Crying that he should have had his chance to tell Kith like he was planning on it. Through Laurent they insinuate that the show absolutely makes Jeri out to be the monster in that situation. It honestly makes me think these writers need to take a course of morality or even just watch a few episodes of The Good Place so maybe they could have a real actual human opinion on what is good and bad. I’m worried about them.

#me #review #tv show review #jessica jones #jessica jones season 3 #morality

[sunlightdances]

Don’t Go Changing

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female Reader Author: Katie @sunlightdances Rating: T for language and angst. Summary: It was never supposed to end up like this. You find out the truth about Dean Winchester. Disclaimer: I don’t own Dean or Supernatural. I do own the plot! Please don’t repost my work on any other sites (wattpad, AO3, fanfic.net, etc.) without my written permission!

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Dean doesn’t think he’ll ever forget the look on your face when you surprise him at the motel where he and Sam are seconds away from performing an exorcism, not even if he lives to be one hundred years old.

Shock, confusion, and horror as you back away, the demon tied to a chair in the middle of the room trying to play victim, even shedding a few tears and begging you to help her.

Sam curses and basically shoves you out the door, Dean a step behind, pulling the door shut behind him. You’re already back in the parking lot, and he can see your hands shaking from where he’s frozen by the door.

All he can think is that he can’t let you leave, he can’t let this happen. Not with you.

“Wait!” Dean yells, following you out of the hotel room at a jog, but you keep walking, like you don’t hear him, or don’t care. He’s not sure which one hurts worse. “Wait.” He says again, hand closing on your elbow, and he’s sure his desperation is written all over his face.

“Get away from me.” You say, voice breaking.

“Honey--”

You stop, eyes blazing. “Don’t you dare--” You stop, fists clenching, and he watches as you force yourself to take a deep breath. “Don’t call me that. Don’t call me anything. Let me go.”

He lets go immediately, regret and shame and self-hatred burning through his veins. “Please…”

“I should call the police.”

“I can explain everything, just give me a chance--”

“Why?!” You yell, shoving at him, and Dean’s distantly aware of Sam there in the doorway, his face full of panic. “I wanted to surprise you,” you spit, “Because you’ve been working -- what a crock of shit -- and I saw the car…” You trail off. “God, I’m so stupid.”

“Please. Just-- I want to explain this to you but I also need to make sure you’re safe. And I can’t do that if you don’t listen to me.”

The pain on your face makes him burn. He swore to himself he’d never do this to you - that he’d never hurt you, and that he’d find a way to tell you who he was, what he was. He never wanted it to happen like this.

He watches you hesitate, watches your eyes lose a little bit of their fire, and it gives him the break he needs to soften, his shoulders slumping in relief and defeat all wrapped into one.

“I need you to stay with me while we do this--” He turns towards his brother, “Sam, finish it. Now.”

“While you do this-- Dean--”

“Please.” He looks back at you. “Wait for Sam and then I promise you can tell me to fuck off and never see me again if that’s what you want.” His voice cracks. “You already think I’m a liar so let’s add insane to the list, okay?” Dean says opening the trunk of his car and grabbing a bag, beginning to pour salt on the cement. “I need you to stand here.”

“Excuse me?”

“Just-- please.”

You roll your eyes, but before you can protest, a scream comes from inside the motel, and Dean grabs your wrist, bodily yanking you inside the circle with him. You watch in disbelief as black smoke comes pouring out of one of the windows, and circles briefly in the air before taking off like a shot.

He’s too focused on you, too focused on making sure that nothing happens to you that he doesn’t register it immediately when you shove him away, your foot kicking the salt as you take two giant steps backwards.

He sees it all over your face - you think he’s insane, or a serial killer, or-- he’s seen this look before. It’s just never hurt this bad when he’s recognized it in other people.

“I can’t do this.”

Dean says your name, hand reaching for you before he can stop himself. “Please, just--”

“No, Dean. No.” Your own voice cracks, and he sees the tears slip down your cheeks before you wipe them away, the sight of you crying because of him being the thing that makes him break, the lump in his throat swelling until he can’t control it anymore, his own eyes welling up.

He lets you go.

He can see you’re scared and he doesn’t want to push you, no matter how much his heart is screaming for him to go after you.

He hears Sam’s footsteps coming to stand next to him as they watch you drive away.

“Are you--”

“I’m fine.” Dean says, clearing his throat, wiping away the few tears he’s allowed to escape. “She’s gone.”

Sam doesn’t say anything. Dean’s grateful, because he doesn’t-- can’t -- talk about it. You. Sam knows about you, vaguely. Knows there’s been a girl in town that he’s been spending time with, someone he cares about.

“You should go find her.”

Dean laughs, but it’s bitter, not a trace of humor in his tone. “Are you fucking serious? She-- she thinks we’re--” he stops, seeing the look on your face in the back of his brain once more. “She probably called the cops. And I don’t blame her. We need to get out of here.”

Sam doesn’t argue, and Dean is back inside the room before he does something stupid like go after you.

Because he should have known this was how it was going to end.

He isn’t meant to be with someone like you.

He’s starting to think he’s not meant to be with anyone at all.

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.

He’s nursing his third bourbon when he sees someone sit at the stool next to him out of the corner of his eye. He’s about to tell them to fuck off when he turns, and the sight of you, disheveled and still a little sad, almost knocks him on his ass.

His says your name as a breathless plea, for what he’s not sure. Forgiveness? Understanding? He has no idea.

“I saw the car,” you say, frowning. “I hope you’re not planning on driving home.”

He just stares at you. Thinks he might be hallucinating. He has no idea what to say, or where to start. There’s so much unsaid between the two of you.

“I saw Sam in town,” you explain, slowly, as if talking to a child. “He told me I should talk to you, hear you out.”

Dean snorts, looking down at his drink. “Finding it hard to believe you just took his advice, sweetheart.”

“He had the same kicked puppy look you have right now, so that pretty much made up my mind for me.” You say with a sheepish smile. “Look, I have a thousand questions. Everything inside me is telling me to get out of here and never look back.”

Dean wonders if you can hear his heart cracking in half.

“But I can’t do that.” You add, and Dean practically gets whiplash for how fast he looks up at you. “Can we-- can we go somewhere? To talk?”

Dean’s heart is in his throat, so he just nods. “I can’t drive, but the Impala--”

“Yeah. We can go there.” You finish for him, and Dean’s on his feet before you can change your mind, throwing a handful of bills on the bartop.

He sticks close to you on the way out, eyes darting around like he thinks every stupid monster they hunt down is suddenly going to be after you now that you know the truth. He’s paranoid to a fault, has to be, but forces himself back to the moment, to concentrate on you.

He’s drunk, but he needs to get this right, if he can.

He fumbles with the keys as he unlocks the doors, and holds the passenger door open for you, watching as you slide in like you’ve done it a thousand times before. He walks around to the other side, and the silence when he shuts his door is almost deafening.

“I don’t know where to start.” He admits.

“Can you just-- just tell me the truth, Dean. Please. However you think I might take it.”

Dean does. He starts at the beginning, when he was four years old, and tells you about when his mother died. He tells you about growing up on the road with John Winchester, learning about hunting.

He feels like he talks forever, but in reality it’s only a few minutes to get the truth out there, and he just stares at his hands when he’s done, praying that you’ll believe him.

“So the-- thing we saw earlier… outside the motel--”

“A demon.” Dean says. “Sam was doing an exorcism when you showed up.”

You rub your hands over your face. “Dean-- you have to know how that looked.” You’re almost pleading with him to understand why you were upset. Dean wants to laugh, but he can’t.

“Of course I do. And-- god, I don’t blame you for wanting to run as far as you can in the other direction.” He reaches for your hand, fingers lacing together, heart skipping when you don’t pull away. He takes a deep breath, “Everyone I’ve ever cared about has left me, or is dead. What we do-- it’s dangerous. But I couldn’t stay away from you even if I tried.”

A few tears slip down your cheeks and Dean wants to stop, wants to wipe them away, but he has to finish what he has to say or he never will. “I shouldn’t have kept this from you, but I didn’t know how you’d take it. But this was worse. I’m sorry for putting you through that.”

A semi-uncomfortable silence overtakes you both, and he notices that you still can hardly meet his eyes. “Tell me what to do to fix this,” he says quietly, staring at his hands. He notices they’re shaking a little bit, and he feels-- he can’t lose you.

You’re important to him. He thinks he’s in love with you. For once in his life, he’s not willing to give this up. Not this time.

You don’t say anything for a long time, and he’s convinced it’s over.

“Let me drive you home,” you say finally, and he just…. Shrugs. Gives in. What else is he supposed to do?

“It’s not-- that’s the other thing I didn’t tell you. Where we live, it’s…” He trails off. “I’ll show you.”

The two of you switch seats, and Dean fidgets as he watches you get into the driver’s seat of his beloved car, turning the key and slowly backing out of the parking space.

Sobering up as the cool night air hits his face with the windows down, he gives you directions until you’re pulling up close to the bunker, trepidation on your face. “Dean--”

“I know. I told you it’s… different. Come on.” He gets out of the car, waiting for you. “I mean… if you want.”

You get out slowly, but you don’t shy away from him, and he can’t help the way his heart leaps a little as he walks to the front door with you.

“This is unbelievable.” You mutter, and he smiles.

“Just wait.”

He hauls the heavy door open and gestures for you to go ahead of him, seeing you stop on the landing of the staircase as the lights flicker on and you take it all in.

“Holy shit.” You whisper.

“I can show you around. If you want.” Dean asks tentatively, holding out his hand. It’s a peace offering, an olive branch, and an apology all wrapped up into one. Also a plea, a plea for you to trust him even though you have no reason to, and his heart races as he watches you make a decision.

When your hand slides into his, it feels like coming home, really and truly.

#dean x reader #spn reader insert #dean winchester x reader

[injiminsheart]

Acquisition of a Daffodil: Ch 3: Park, The Affiliator

Genre: Fluff | Angst (light) | Humor | Smut | Dark  | Hybrid

Rating: General | Teen | Mature

Pairing: Park Jimin x Reader (?)

Fandom: BTS ARMY

Fiction Notes: BTS canon AU/ Slight future fic/ AU for personal life

Warnings: May give you some feels! :D

“She left like an hour ago,” Secretary Kim was telling Ji Hyun.

“She left? How come I didn’t realize that she left?”

“Because she didn’t feel well and told me to inform you but I forgot since I was helping a guest.”

“Oh, no worries. I’ll see her tomorrow then,” Ji Hyun waved at Ms Kim and went to go look for his brother.

“Hyung?” he looks around, but Jimin was nowhere to be seen, “Where did Hyung go? What is up with everyone today?”

Ji Hyun walked off to look for his brother.

***

Y/n was getting wasted on her vodka collection when she heard a doorbell. That’s weird. She only has a few friends here and they were busy with their work so couldn’t make it to her party. Who could it be?

She wobbled over slowly to the door to look at the peep hole. All she say was shoulders but they looked pretty masculine. What’s the worst that could happen? After a quick thought in her impaired judgement, she opens the door and her eyes widen.

“Jimin?” she laughs, “what the hell are you doing here?”

“I came to see if you were okay.”

“See if I was okay? Wow! The great Park Jimin not only remembers me but also cares about if I’m okay!” Y/n hiccups. She giggles as she loses her balance and Jimin catches her quickly. He closes the door behind him and helps Y/n to the couch. She reeks of alcohol and the smell along with the two empty bottles of vodka attest to her drunken behavior.

“You know,” Y/n straightens up, “I was so happy when Ji Hyun didn’t put your name on the guest list, but you just had to be there.”

“I’m sorry. I should’ve asked.”

Y/n stares at him for a few seconds until her hiccup kicks in and she giggles again, “You haven’t changed at all.”

Y/n runs her hand lightly on his face and her alcohol pinked cheeks turn a ruby shade as bites her lip. She kisses his cheek and Jimin looks surprised. She moves back to kiss his cheek down to his neck until a certain fabric offends her and she decides to take care of it.

***

Y/n wakes up with a killer headache and her bed is way warmer than usual. She regrets drinking for her fucked up low self-esteem issues. She groaned as she moved around in her bed.

“Uhhhhh. . .why did I have to drink so much last night? My head.”

“Here, drink this and take an aspirin.” a male voice says and Y/n soars up in her bed.

“Ji Hyun!?” Y/n all but yells at him, “what are you doing here?”

“I came to check up on you last night because Secretary Kim told me you weren’t feeling well and you wouldn’t. . .ummm. . .how should I put this. . .”

“What did you do?” Y/n interrupts him as she pulls her comforter towards her chest.

“I didn’t do anything,” Ji Hyun laughs, “it was all you.”

“OMG! But I was drunk, you could’ve--no, you should’ve refused!”

“You wouldn’t let me!”

“Oh Lord, I don’t remember. What did I do?”

“Well for starters, you were definitely making out with neck and trying to get me out of my suit and that wasn’t even the weird part.”

“I did something stupid, didn’t I?” Y/n hid her head in shame.

“Something like that,” Ji Hyun scoffs and extends the aspirin towards Y/n, “here, you’ll feel better.”

“After all that embarrassing stuff, I’m not sure I want to feel better at the moment.”

“Oh chill. It’s not like we slept together. I mean we did but that’s besides the point.”

“We slept together as in like slept slept or slept slept,” she stares out awkwardly from her comforter.

“There’s a difference?” Ji Hyun teases her.

“You know what I meant.”

“I really don’t, so please elaborate.”

“Seriously?” Y/n asks before downing the aspirin pill and the full glass of water.

He laughs and takes the glass from her, “I guess both. While you were seriously trying to sleep sleep with me, you fell asleep while kissing my neck and trying--very badly, might I add--to undress me. You eventually passed out on my lap with my collar in your hands. I carried you to bed and you wouldn’t let go so I had to sleep sleep with you here.”

“Oh my god,” Y/n turns pink with embarrassment, “I’m so sorry I put you through that.”

“It was my pleasure.”

“I’m sure. I owe you one.”

“How about brunch today?”

“Sure. Why not?” Y/n says getting out of her bed, “Let me shower.”

“What?” She replies back when Ji Hyun just stares.

“Nothing.”

“Seriously? You’ve seen me in my Spongebob night shorts and tank, drunk off my ass tryna make out with your neck and you still have a problem talking to me? You seemed quite well teasing me a few minutes ago.”

Ji Hyun laughs and sits on the bed, “it really isn’t anything. I was just thinking that I kinda took you as a satin night gown type of a girl. Never thought you would have Spongebob night shorts.”

“Satin is for special occasions,” Y/n winks and Ji Hyun giggles at her, “now let me take a shower so that we can go.”

“Well I have to change as well. Maybe we can meet each other in a bit.”

“Sounds good. Did you drive here?”

“No. My driver dropped me off.”

“Then just chill around here and we can drop by your house and then go to brunch.”

“Aight. I’ll watch some TV in the living room.”

“Aight,” smiles Y/n.

“By the way,” turns back Ji Hyun.

“Hmm?”

“Did you already know Jimin Hyung?”

“Why would you ask me that? Did he look like he knew me?” awkwardly laughs Y/n.

“No, but you kept calling me by Hyung’s name yesterday and then you asked if I remembered you--well--you asked Jimin hyung if he knew you because you thought I was him.”

“You must be mistaken. How and why would I know your brother? Isn’t he like a kpop star? I’ve heard a lot about him,” Y/n says walking into her closet.

Ji Hyun looks at her walking away but decides to put the whole Jimin hyung fiasco behind him. Maybe Y/n was Hyung’s fan and was too embarrassed to admit that she was fangirling. He shoves his hands in his pockets and laughs to himself.

“Let’s see if I can find some Spongebob on TV today. I feel like watching some Spongebob all of a sudden.”

****

They were in front of Ji Hyun’s house. Y/n was wearing her hair in loose curls with a floral pencil brunch dress and thin strappy pastel pink heels. She had ditched her favorite bag for a small clutch.

“I’ll wait out here.”

“Now don’t be like that. Mom will kill me if she finds out I have such bad manners that I made a woman--especially my business partner--wait outside for me.”

“You’re mom and dad are probably home and it’ll just be awkward.”

“I’m an adult. They don’t interfere. Come on,” he says holding out his hand for Y/n. She hesitantly takes his hand and steps out of the car.

“I like your house already and I haven’t even stepped inside yet.”

“My mom will like you too. She loves anyone who loves her house.”

Y/n laughs nervously and greets the lady that opens the door.

“Is mom home, Ahjumma?”

“Yes. Madam just went to her study. Let me call her for you.”

“No need,” He smiles at the ahjumma “just take care of my guest please.”

“Of course, Sir,” the Ahjumma replies before heading to the kitchen.

“Why don’t you have a seat? I’ll be a few minutes.”

“Take your time,” Y/n says taking a seat.

Ji Hyun rushes towards the stairs to get to his room and Y/n looks around. The Ahjumma walks back with tea for Y/n, “I’ve informed madam. She’s on her way here.”

“Oh, thank you. You really didn’t have to,” Y/n smiles at the Ahjumma.

“Of course she had to,” says a voice behind her, “you’re our guest and my son’s boss now.”

“I prefer to think of him as my partner. How have you been Mrs Park?” Y/n says getting up and shaking the older woman’s hand. The woman shook her hand back and Y/n sits down with her legs crossed.

“So what brings you in today? If I knew you’d be here today I would’ve prepared some brunch today.”

“Actually I’m waiting for Ji Hyun. We’re heading to brunch. It’s our first sunday after the acquisition. Thought we should get to know each other better to continue working seamlessly in the future.”

“That’s a wonderful idea. It’s better and easier to work with people you know well.”

“Well said, Mom,” Ji Hyun says suddenly behind Y/n. He looked dashing as always in his fitted blue suit.

“Oh hi, Aduel. How are you? I didn’t even see you come in last night. Your dad and I lost track of time after you and Jimin left.”

Y/n heart skipped a beat listening to Jimin’s name. She sent out a small prayer to God to not run into him here today.

“Yeah, about that.Where ever did Hyung go?”

“He got a call from his Manager. Apparently he had an event to get to this weekend so he left.”

“I was going to introduce him to Y/n properly. Oh well,” He pouted, “I guess next time.”

“I think we should get going now,” Y/n glanced at her watch, “we’re getting late for our reservation.”

“It was nice to see you again, Mrs Park,” Y/n stood up and shook the woman’s hand again.

“See you tonight, Mom,’ Ji Hyun says kissing his mom’s cheek. And as they start to walk towards the entrance, Y/n sends a small thanks to whoever was listening for not letting her run into the one and only Park Jimin.”

***

“This was great,” Y/n said as they reached Ji Hyun’s house, “we should do this again sometime.”

“How about next Sunday?”

“I’ve been with you the entire day, Ji Hyun. I’m afraid activities like this so soon will cause us the business,” laughed Y/n.

“We should do brunch every sunday. If you don’t want to spend the entire day.”

“Brunch sounds good.”

“Great. I’ll see you tomorrow morning then?”

“Actually, you’ll prolly see me in the afternoon. I have some clients to meet in the morning so I’ll try and come in the afternoon.”

“Or you can just take the day off,” smirked Ji Hyun.

“Uh huh. So that you can go home early?”

“Thought I should give it a try,” he winked.

“Nice try but I actually have an early morning tomorrow, so good night,” Y/n waved her goodbye and got back in her car.

Jimin stared at the retreating car as it went out the gate whilst talking on the phone in the balcony.

“Hello? You still there?” said a girl’s voice from the other end of the line.

“I’ll call you back, Babe,” He said hanging up his phone.

“Oh, Hyung!” yelled Ji Hyun as he looked up to the balcony, “You’re here! You should’ve told me you would be home. I wanted you to meet Y/n again.”

“I just got home, Ji Hyun-ah. Maybe next time. I’ll let you know.”

“Wait for me, then. I’m coming upstairs. We gotta have a game’s night like old times!” exclaimed Ji Hyun.

Jimin just chuckled and said, “aight. Come up and I’ll kick some ass.”

Jimin saw Ji Hyun rush inside and then he looked at the street that Y/n’s car had disappeared off to. Why now? Why after so many years? Why Ji Hyun? This isn’t fair.

***

[fallling-skys-blog]

47 49 and 74 with murdoc, i love your work btw

“You’re angry with me, I know.”

(Thank you, I’m so happy that you like what I write! 49 and 74 are under the cut!)

“I can’t believe him! The nerve!” You said, fully aware of how overdramatic you sounded and not caring in the slightest.

“Yes, Murdoc is not very dating savvy. Actually that is probably because you are the only one who has put up with him for this long. To be fair, you are his first date since,” Noodle struggles to think of someone who had dated Murdoc since she’d been at Kong and fails, “many one night stands.”

“You have a point but still! It’s infuriating,” You say, pacing back and forth while Noodle sips on her milkshake.

It’d started off innocent enough. You’d been assigned to help out the band with whatever they needed as a kind of intern, which was even worse since they were on tour at the moment, and right away you’d established that you’d listen to what they needed but you wouldn’t take any shit from Murdoc or the others, especially Murdoc since he’d  made an unsavory joke in your direction within seconds of meeting you.

As soon as you’d set clear boundaries, you’d grown extremely close to the band, becoming best of friends with the teenage guitarist Noodle. You listened to what every single person in the band had to say, making you a favourite amongst them all. Eventually, Murdoc took to you and your listening skills and would tell you things that nobody in the band had even ever heard of and you’d found yourself slowly falling for the mess of a man that played bass in this odd band.

Which had lead to you, Murdoc, 2D, Russel, and Noodle all being stuck inside a small, weirdly scented taxi headed to a small diner in New York. It certainly wasn’t the night you’d imagined but it was interesting and not horrible in the least. You’d ended up having to sit on Murdoc’s lap in the back since Noodle refused to give up the passenger seat to Russel so that you could all squish together in the back and he would have room to breathe, especially since he wasn’t fond of being forced into small places with people, even the ones that he knew. She was being extremely ornery tonight for some reason and nobody really felt like arguing with her anyways so you all had come up with the seating arrangement of Russel on the left, 2D in the middle, and you on Murdoc’s lap on the right.

When you’d arrived and were free of the small car space, 2D and Russel sat themselves at booth across from each other, talking excitedly about something or another while you sat across from Murdoc, Noodle sliding in next to you.

“C’mon Noodle, why don’t you go by Russ and 2D? Sure, they’re not as entertaining as me but I’m sure they’ll get the job done,” Murdoc said and was met with Noodle rolling her eyes.

“I want a milkshake, 2D always forgets his wallet, and Russel needs a break from me today anyways. Besides, I want to watch you embarrass yourself on your date!” Noodle replied, with a devilish grin.

“Alright, alright, do what you want. It’s not like anyone in this bloody house can stop you,” He’d replied.

“And do you know why? It is because I am the greatest fighter and guitarist the world has ever seen! One day I will be even better than you Murdoc,” She said and you couldn’t help but laugh at her excitement.

“Guess she takes after you when it comes to confidence,” You joked and Murdoc had chuckled.

“Greatest role model to take after when it comes to that, not so much the other stuff,” He answers honestly and you nod.

“You’re getting better,” You say.

“You really think so love? Don’t flatter me too much or I’ll have to buy you every mediocre food item they have on the menu and I’ll be added to the list of idiot tourist names these lot pass around every night. Can you imagine? The Murdoc Niccals written off as a sap and forced to start collecting snow globes?” Murdoc says.

“Hey, don’t knock it until you try it. Snow globes might be the next baseball cards. In 2040 you might even be able to sell them for millions, you never know,” You reply.

“Or beanie babies, those are popular as well,” Noodle adds, looking up briefly from reading the menu.

“Moral of the story really’s to hoard things then isn’t it?” Murdoc asks and you smirk.

“Guess so, someone should really start writing a children’s book teaching kids about this,” You reply.

“Well it sure as hell can’t be me, I can barely talk to Noodle,” Murdoc says and Noodle laughs.

“That’s not your fault, only trained professionals and cats can talk to me and you are neither,” Noodle answers.

“I’ll have you know that many have said hearing my voice is like the sound of angel whispering the answers to all their problems and when it’s combined with my bass, it can cure them of anything,” Murdoc says and Noodle snorts.

“So the sound of dying crows mixed with your terrible playing cured them?” Noodle says.

“Can you believe this?” Murdoc asks you and you shrug.

“Your singing is objectively horrible” You reply.

“Sounds somethin’ like a dying seagull!” 2D pipes up from the seat behind you, ducking when Murdoc throws a stray fork at him and smiling triumphantly at Russel when he misses being hit.

The waitress comes at what seemed like just the right time since Noodle was practically jumping out of her skin in her seat and you were running out of quippy remarks to Murdoc and were devolving into awkwardly complimenting each other, which as adorable as it was embarrassing for the both of you.

“Can I take your order?” She asks directly to Murdoc and you can’t help but roll your eyes at her directness.

“Yes, I would like a strawberry milkshake and for you to stop lusting after my father,” Noodle says, making a gagging sign in your direction.

You learned that she only calls Murdoc her father when defending him to others or when she was trying to thwart people’s efforts to hit on him or his efforts to hit on someone else when she wanted to have a nice night without being haunted by images of Murdoc sticking his tongue down someone random person’s throat. Other than that he was just “Murdoc” or “Mr. Niccals” if she was making fun of him, usually in a voice mocking an interviewer.

Brother was reserved for 2D when she felt loving and if she was building him up to someone and she’d tell people that he was like a pet if she was annoyed with him that day. Russel was always called her uncle no matter what because he was almost always her favourite and deserved the title.

“Oh, that’s so nice to see that you take your daughter out to dinners for bonding time!” The waitress said, ignoring Noodle much to both your and Noodle’s irritation.

“It’s not that hard being a father really, just takes the right kind of time and dedication. Lots of that kind of thing, mmm,” He’d replied.

Noodle didn’t end up getting her milkshake and glared at Murdoc, purposefully only talking to you until 2D brang her one, saying that he’d heard her try and order it. She’d thanked him with a hug and smile, telling him that she wished she was at his table right now because watching Murdoc flirt with a waitress was boring and she definitely preferred talking to Russel and him much more. 

Finally, when the server had written her number on his napkin and her address with a heart you’d gotten off in a huff, Noodle following close behind saying that you two had to go to the bathroom which had led you to right now. Ranting to Noodle in the back of the restaurant about the irritating night.

“Who even writes their adress on a napkin? He could be a serial killer for all she knows. You know what, want to ride home with me? We can take our own taxi,” You offer, not feeling like dealing with anymore terrible flirting tonight.

“Yes! Our taxi will be so much better anyways, trust me, I am much more fun than the rest of the band!” She reassures you and you can’t help but smile at her confidence.

To her credit, it was an extremely fun car ride especially since the taxi driver allowed her to blast music and roll down the windows all of the way. It was the most fun car ride that you’d probably experienced so far but as soon as you got back into the house your mood soured again.

You managed to walk straight into Murdoc after Noodle had ran off to say goodnight to the band.

“I would say sorry but I think that’s your job,” You’d told him and he’d sighed.

“You’re angry with me, I know, but it wasn’t anything. I don’t know why you’re so mad, I can’t help it if the bird was all over me,” He starts and you stare back at him with an expression of disbelief.

“I’m pretty sure you were flirting back with her on what you said was supposed to be a date for the two of us,” You answer.

“What?” He laughs, “I’m guilty of leading her on a bit but the entire time you were gone I was telling her about you. She even took back her number that she gave me, never had that happen unless I was pissed drunk but that’s not the point, love. The point’s that I’m horrible at this and the next time I’ll do this sort of thing right, yeah? Anything you want and we’ll go do it.”

“Fine but if you blow your shot next time, I’ll move onto the next Satanist with a weirdly charming yet horrible personality,” You tell him and he laughs, jokingly assuring you that if he manages to ruin his chances next time that he’ll send the next sleazy bassist he sees your way.

“I don’t think I can forgive you.”

“We can start over. I’ll do anything, everything can be perfect. Just please don’t leave me.”

The band had been your kind of escape from everything in your hectic life and you’d stuck with them through everything, which was impressive considering the kinds of enemies the band managed to make thanks to Murdoc’s point blankness when it came to everything.

You’d been there when he’d slammed a door in Jimmy Manson’s face and when Murdoc had not too sneakily made out with 2D’s girlfriend in the bathroom of Kong Studios. Originally you’d met them when they’d needed a babysitter for Noodle because Russel refused to allow Noodle to follow Murdoc and Noodle to a strip joint and he needed to go on a trip to visit someone, who you’d later found out was his girlfriend that he was secretly seeing.

He didn’t want her to be involved with the band since that usually meant unfortunate accidents so Russel had been more than willing to drive out to her instead of her coming over to Kong. You’d needed a job and it seemed easy enough to take care of a eight year old for a few hours for some money that weekend, especially since Russel had asked you so kindly and you probably owed him a few favours yourself.

“Interesting place,” You commented when you’d arrived, looking around at the mansion that was likely to be a tourist destination to look for ghosts considering the shape it was in and the vibe it gave off.

“Not exactly paradise but when you’re playing in a band with Muds, you take what you can get,” Russel had shrugged as you closed the door behind you.

“Fair enough,” You responded, having no idea who he was talking about.

“Who in the hell’s this?” Murdoc has said, throwing an arm with a beer bottle over the couch so that he could turn his head to look at you.

“I’m here to take care of your kid problem and unless you know anyone else who’s dying to take the position, I’d be a little nicer,” You’d responded and Murdoc had chuckled in response.

“I like your style, don’t let old Murdoc over here order you around. Don’t worry I’ll have you begging for that later,” He’d said.

“In your dreams and my nightmares,” You’d replied before turning to Russel.

“Do I get to meet Noodle now? You said you had to get going soon and I don’t want you to have to wait longer than you have to especially with such a mysterious journey awaiting,” You teased.

“You’re right, don’t wanna delay leaving longer than I have to. Trouble is finding where she’s hiding,” Russel replied and you’d began your search for Noodle, meeting the lead singer along the way.

He seemed nice enough, a little spacey but he was definitely interesting and had plenty of weird stories and a pretty pleasant attitude which made you like him almost immediately. You’d asked him about Noodle and he told that she’d ran off with one of keyboards so she probably couldn’t have gone that far unless she dropped it along the way and in that case, could you please bring it back to him because it was one of his favourites.

You eventually found Noodle and ushered Russel out of the house since he was still nervous about leaving her alone, even if you’d be there. You couldn’t really blame him since the guy you’d met who’d been lounging on the couch, Murdoc you recalled, didn’t seem to be much of a parental figure and 2D had the personality of a little kid combined with being extremely spacey.

At first when Russel had left you alone with Noodle, you’d had some difficulty getting along, mostly due to the language barrier but after chasing her around the house for almost two hours she eventually calmed down and you two got along alright. You focused on activities that didn’t need verbal communication like games, video or board, and whatever you could think up.

Eventually she’d passed out on the table when you left to get her some water and food so you’d carried her to her room, which you silently thanked Russel for showing you earlier on when you’d been trying to find her. You’d laid her down on the bed gently and covered her up with a blanket, leaving quietly and shutting the door behind you.

The fun part was trying to find your way around the mansion to somewhere that was potentially a good place to wait for Russel to come home and where Noodle could find you if she woke up.

You found your way back to living room after a lot of trial and error of searching around the house and sat down on the couch with a sigh, tired from a night of not sleeping the day before and taking care of an overexcited eight year old.

You heard rummaging and someone yell from in the kitchen and groaned, forcing yourself to get up and go check if they were okay. You supposed that 2D and Murdoc could be back from their night out since you’d been away from the door with Noodle and the house was like a maze so it wouldn’t be too out of this world to assume that they’d come home while you were hanging out with Noodle.

“Rough night?” You asked, making your way into the kitchen when you saw Murdoc struggling to pop the cap of an alcohol bottle.

“Any night with that blubbering idiot’s a rough one. Be a good boy/girl, love and open this for me, will you?” He asked, handing you the bottle.

“Hmmm, not really sure I should do that. You seem to be a little, what’s the word, addicted to this stuff,” You replied, knowing someone codependent on drugs when you saw them.

“Well if you’re not going to help, go take care of Noodle or whatever Russel decided to pay you for. Noodle would have been fine on her own if you ask me, it’s good for the kid to learn to take care of herself,” He said, trying to grab the bottle from you.

“She’s eight,” You answered.

“Knew how to take care of myself at seven, not all that hard is it? Besides,” He finally succeeds in grabbing the bottle out of your hands, “She’s loads smarter than I was back then.”

“Fair enough but you’re not exactly the pinnacle of glowing health, are you?” You replied.

“Well you’ve got me there, haven’t you?” He chuckled, taking a swig from the bottle that he’d been struggled to open just a minute ago.

It probably would have been smarter to leave him to what you expected he did on a regular basis on his own but leaving someone alone and inebriated in this house rubbed your conscience the wrong way so you walked with him around the house. He refused your request that he should drink some water to make sure his hangover wouldn’t be as bad in the morning saying that he probably deserved the punishment of that anyways.

To be fair, once he’d dranken out of the bottle he seemed to be only slightly tipsy so he was probably a pro when it came to drinking, not that that eased your mind about the situation in the slightest. When he’d drank the entirety was really when he stopped his incessant flirting and bragging and become like any normal person with problems and in desperate need of a friend or someone they could talk to.

You learned a little bit about his rocky past, things he felt guilty about, and his terrifying childhood. You felt bad for him and couldn’t help but try and comfort him which was hard when he was slurring his words and occasionally leaning on you for support.

Eventually, you gave up on walking around the house with him and moved to sit down, Murdoc practically crumbling to the ground. Before you knew it, he was sobbing into your shoulder while you held his hand. Moving so that you could run a hand through his hair with your other hand, doing your best to comfort this mess of a man in front of you.

After some time, he ended up passed with his head in your lap and you absentmindedly played with his hair having a feeling the little bit about his past that he’d told you wasn’t anywhere near everything he’d been through.

It definitely wasn’t the night you’d expected and when Russel eventually found you, he’d apologized that you had to deal with Murdoc when he was drunk and that he’d hoped to be home before 2D and Murdoc were.

He lifted Murdoc easily off your lap and thanked you for taking care of Noodle and actually managing to get her to go to sleep which was apparently a harder task then it seemed.

After that night, a mix of curiosity and the urge to help someone you didn’t even know got the best of you and you’d found yourself offering to take care of Noodle frequently. You ignored Murdoc’s flirting and bragging when you got the chance to talk to him and when that didn’t work you countered with smart responses, enjoying your banter and after a while you’d ended making friends with him.

Friends turned to something more and before you knew it, the two of you had begun dating and gone on a plethora of adventures with one another. It wasn’t exactly a healthy relationship but it was close and he promised you that he was working to getting better and you made yourself believe him. In a way, he was but at the same time he was exactly the same as before. Nights numbing his pain in alcohol and drugs. At least he’d stopped the drugs when you’d threatened to leave if he didn’t start treating himself better.

Which ended up in you here, chatting with Noodle while walking around the set to film the El Manana video. Murdoc whispering to the people filming and whoever was in charge of the shoot, you didn’t really pay too much attention to that type of thing, you really only cared about the band members and didn’t give in to the “rock star” persona they carried with them everywhere that they’d go.

Eventually Noodle shooed you away with a hug telling you that she had to get filmed now. You’d bugged her for a few more minutes and then left to sit in between Murdoc and Russel, watching as the camera’s started rolling and Noodle swung her feet over the ledge of the floating island.

Before you knew it, anarchy had ensued and you found yourself numb, staring at the ground back in your own room weeks later and questioning if you could have fixed what had happened. You knew your boyfriend has issues and was sometimes full of cruelty but nothing of this level. Letting Noodle die? Maybe it was an accident but his shout of, “Keep filming! Make you sure you get all of this mate!” echoed in your head, making you unsure of everything.

He’d assured you that it wasn’t like that and he hadn’t gotten Noodle killed, she was fine, she had a parachute, and they’d talked about this before but it’d sounded more like he was trying to convince himself than you.

Suddenly, you shot up from the ground where you’d been sitting with your back against the wall and started packing the things that you absolutely needed into a small suitcase, making your way down the stairs. It wasn’t running away from your problems as it was getting away from what was making you miserable, you told yourself as you ran into Russ and he gave you a head nod, his tired way of saying goodbye with the small amount of energy he had.

You’d forced yourself to give him a broken hearted smile and passed 2D’s room, his sobbing hitting you in your heart and you closed his cracked open door gently so that you wouldn’t bother his mourning process.

It was your luck that you found Murdoc drinking from a bottle, empty glasses surrounding him as he looked up at you with bloodshot eyes not comprehending what was happening at first, the chemicals affecting him slowing his brain’s processing.

“Sorry,” You deadpanned, taking a step to the door before he jumped up, nearly falling in the process.

“Don’t go love, I told you, it was an accident. She’s fine, I’m telling you, Noodle’s grand. She’s out there having the time of her life, she survived! I’m sure of it, have you ever seen her? She’s was a bloody assassin for God’s sake! A little explosion wouldn’t have-” He choked on his words, stopping before trying to regain his composure again.

“We can start over. I’ll do anything, everything can be perfect. Just please don’t leave me,” He finally says, holding onto your shoulders and looking you dead in the eyes.

“I don’t think I can forgive you and, this time, I don’t know if I want to,” You tell him and he lets go of you, knowing anyone caring for him was too good to be true in the first place and that he was always going to ruin it somehow but god, he never imagined it would be because of something like this.

#gorillaz #gorillaz imagine #gorillaz imagines #murdoc x reader #murdoc niccals x reader #murdoc niccals #russel hobbs #gorillaz noodle #noodle #2d #stuart pot

[kvndeathmusic]

THE BEST RECORDS OF THE 2010S PT 2 (THE TOP 10!!!!!!)

if you thought the last post was long, you just wait. ive also decided to actually number this list, but pls keep in mind my opinions change often and drastically so dont think anything is set here.

please read my other post too if you want to know about the records i like a little less than the ones here as well as some honorable mentions

#10: Some Rap Songs  -  Earl Sweatshirt (2018) 

This record is a perfect fusion of rap and lofi hip hop. Nobody makes a beat like Earl, and this record is a perfect example. Earl uses his samples to create layered soundscapes of distorted vocals and sounds, paired with his emotionally blunt flows. It’s short, but it really doesn’t feel that short, and frankly I could re-listen to it a handful of times in a row and probably not care that much. Not to sound like Todd Howard, but it just works dude. 

#9:  ゼロコンマ、色とりどりの世界   -  Mass of the Fermenting Dregs (2010)

According to Google, this record’s title translates to Zero Comma, Multicolored World. Which is interesting. I wish I knew Japanese just to understand this kind of stuff to be honest. But that’s besides the point.

Zero Comma, Multicolored World is a fantastic collection of tracks from my personal favorite J-Rock band, Mass of the Fermenting Dregs. Like for context, I got into this band around the same time as I got into Nirvana. I spent the entire summer of 2016 crying to In Utero, playing Overwatch while listening to MF DOOM, and jamming to Mass of the Fermenting Dregs. I managed to find a copy of their fantastic self-titled EP when I was in Tokyo a few years back. Anyways I’ve gotten off track. 

This record is a breathe of fresh air for those tired of American “alt-rock”, incorporating elements of shoegaze, post-hardcore, pop, and more to create a totally unique and explosive record. Every member of this band is playing out of their minds on some of these tracks, and lead singer/bassist Natsuko Miyamoto’s vocals are powerful and blend so well with everything else this record offers. At this point in most paragraphs I’d gush about some specific tracks but I don’t have a Japanese keyboard to write the track titles and I’m lazy, so just trust me and go listen to this record, their self-titled EP, the reunion record No New World from 2018, and their EP World is Yours if anything I’ve said interests you. 

#8: Fetch  -  Melt-Banana (2013)

This record melts my fucking brain dude. Melt-Banana is some of the most eccentric and weird music I’ve ever heard, blending noise, punk, and just plain absurdity to create music that I want to simultaneously describe as cursed and blessed. From the wailing walls of pure volume coming from the guitars to the sporatic and often manic vocals, this record sounds like no other I’ve ever heard. My personal favorite tracks are Hive, Candy Gun, Zero, and Schemes of the Tails. Seriously, if this sounds interesting to you, set aside 32 minutes to just appreciate this record. It’ll be worth your time. 

#7: Joy as an Act of Resistance - IDLES (2018)

On Joy as an Act of Resistance, British band IDLES offers up some of the best punk of the decade in a package that is full of hope, anger, and love. From singer Joe Talbot’s cries for unity in tracks like Danny Nedelko and Great, to self love anthems like Television and I’m Scum, Joy offers an alternative to their much angrier and sad 2017 debut record Brutalism, which I now realize I forgot to include on my fucking honorable mentions god damn it. Anyways, this record isn’t all sweet. IDLES tackles some heavier topics on this record as well, with songs like Samaritans dismantling toxic masculinity, Rottweiler tearing into sensationalist news and media, and the introspective June seeing Joe speak bluntly about his experience being the father of a stillborn. It’s also some of the unique punk out there at the moment, with jangly guitar “riffs”, Joe’s accent heavy shouts, and noisey drums. IDLES is definitely a band to pay attention to going into the 20s. 

#6: Adults!!!... Smart!!! Shithammered!!! And Excited By Nothing!!!!!  -  Bomb the Music Industry (2010)

Adults!!! is short, coming in at 21 minutes over the course of 7 tracks. And yet, this EP contains some of the catchiest and refined ska punk of the decade. The record acts almost as a condensed summation of BTMI’s entire career, featuring some of the repeated themes that has defined Jeff’s whole discography. Not only that, but some of BTMI’s best tracks are on this EP, from Jeff’s strained vocals on You Still Believe in Me?, to the peppy and depressing Planning My Death, to the defiant Slumlord and the explosive penultimate track, The First Time I Met Sanawon. I could wish it was longer, but I’ll be honest, with the quality of tracks here, I don’t care. It’s a near flawless EP that represents everything I love about one of my favorite bands ever.

#5: The Money Store - Death Grips (2012)

Like Fetch, The Money Store is similarly mind melting in completely different ways. This record is brutal. MC Ride’s “vocals” are like no other, with some describing them as the shouts of a drugged up homeless man. Paired with ear bursting, stereo busting beats, and esoteric dark flows, the picture this record paints is one of filth and primal violence. And I love every minute of it. And despite the harsh nature of this record, some of these beats fucking slap. This record features some of the weirdest uses of sampling, like seriously who the fuck finds Arabic Nokia ringtones and thinks “yeah let’s sample these in like half the tracks on this record” and make it sound this good. And at times I have no clue how they even managed to make some of the sounds they did. All of this is backed with Zack Hill’s extremely technical and wild drumming. I contemplated putting other Death Grips records in this spot, but The Money Store is the complete DG package. It also has Hacker on it. im in your area 

#4: Teens of Denial  -  Car Seat Headrest (2016)

I’m a fucking moron and I’ll tell you why. When I initially heard the first few tracks from this record when I was 17, I wasn’t that blown away. Like, I added Fill in the Blank, Vincent, and Destroyed by Hippie Powers to my big ass shuffle playlist and didn’t bother digging much deeper. Here I am now, 20 years old, kicking myself in the ASS for overlooking Car Seat Headrest for this long. I only gave this album a proper listen to back in January! And I LOVE it! Teens of Denial is a fantastic record, full of complex, multilayered tracks that are not only incredibly catchy, but full of heart and passion. Lead singer and songwriter Will Toledo has voice that sounds equally uneasy and leaking with confidence, and that confidence spills over into every aspect of this record. While not as emotionally intense as their only other studio LP as of February 2020, Teens of Denial is just track after track of some of the greatest indie rock made this decade. Including the songs I mentioned before, you’ve also got Drunk Drivers/Killer Whales, 1937 State Park, and the powerful Cosmic Hero. And if you like reading, the narrative of this record is interesting to follow.  And while I was working on this list they literally just announced a new record so like I’m fucking hyped dude. 

#3: To Pimp a Butterfly - Kendrick Lamar (2015)

Ok. Look. I know everybody is putting this at their #1 spot. And they probably have even more to say about this record than I do. There’s probably nothing I can say that hasn’t been said a million times by literally everyone. But that’s just a testament to the quality of this record. This is one of the greatest hip hop records ever made, if not the best depending on who you ask. Some of my favorite rap songs are on this record, Wesley’s Theory, King Kunta, Alright, The Blacker The Berry, and more. TPAB offers detailed glimpses into one of the biggest rappers in the world’s psyche and pain, mixed with profound social and political messages. The beats on this record are beautifully mixed with jazz and gospel influences, starting a trend many artists have since continued. And Kendrick’s signature flow from gkmc are at their absolute finest on TPAB. There is something to enjoy out of this record no matter your background, which would explain this record’s near universal appeal. To Pimp a Butterfly is just full of life, energy, and passion. It’s weird to think this record is only 5 years old, because it feels just as powerful as it did when it came out.

#2: Twin Fantasy - Car Seat Headrest (2018)

Twin Fantasy is a rare kind of record. The emotions expressed on this record are intense and laid flat out for you to hear, dissect, and empathize with. The entire record being structured around the idea of reflection works both as a fun way to organize a diverse and varied track listing, while also playing into a handful of the record’s motifs and themes. Speaking of which, each song on this album has a unique identity, both in terms of sound and feeling, and how it plays into the larger narrative of this record. Some songs have multiple tonal shifts, such as the epic Beach Life-In-Death, split into three distinct parts making it a song that, despite its 13 minute run-time, is a song I never grow tired of listening to. What each track shares, however, is the same fantastic songwriting, with layered instrumentals and some of Will’s greatest vocal performances. It also helps that all the tracks are just flat out catchy, like the fantastic Bodies, the chill Sober to Death, and the energetic Nervous Young Inhumans. While the 2011 original is great, the 2018 rerecording adds so much new complexity and clarity to this record. In addition to the original themes, the 2018 version adds new perspectives and meta commentary to the 2011 original, with Will reflecting on the feelings he was experiences at the time he wrote the original record, 7 years afterwards, adding an additional layer to this record’s larger narrative. The final 22 minutes of this record provides a strong emotional climax to the record, sending off a fantastic and absolutely classic record. There’s a good chance that, in 10 more years or so, I may look back at this record and put it above my #1 record. Hell, while I write this I really question whether or not I should do it. What I’m trying to say is, take that #2 with a grain of salt, because I love this record just as much as my #1 at this point. No record has managed to leave such a profound and strong impression on me this quickly after my first listen a few months ago, besides Twin Fantasy. Because Twin Fantasy is a rare kind of record. It’s a perfect record.  And now it’s time for my favorite record of the decade. It’s probably obvious what it is considering some of the things I’ve said on this list, so without any more delay...

#1: WORRY.  -  Jeff Rosenstock (2016)

WORRY. is my personal favorite record of the decade and of all time. It is an absolutely triumphant record. Every song here is a classic. WORRY. radiates pure, unfiltered energy that I haven’t been able to shake for the nearly 4 years this record has been out. Songs like Festival Song and Wave Goodnight to Me still get me pumped, and the so called “WORRY. medley” that spans the back half of this record rivals the medley of Abbey Road. And the opening track, We Begged 2 Explode, fuck man it’s a hell of an opener. Hell, I know every line spoken on this record. This record is a product of a man who has spent over 20 years perfecting his music, never compromising to trends or demands. Jeff has always been open about what he loves and what he believes in, and it’s no more apparent than on this record. Trying to describe every way in which this record works for me leaves me grasping for the right words to describe the feeling. It’s a record that makes you wanna chant along to it, move your body to it, and tell everyone you love about it.  So just listen to it. I don’t care if you don’t like punk, or ska, or ska punk, or just garage/indie rock in general, or if my enthusiasm hasn’t sold you. This is one of the best records out there and you can either realize it now, or regret it later. 

I know the record literally says that the perfect sound doesn’t exist. But it does. And it sounds like this.

And that’s it for this list. I’m excited to see what the new decade brings. If my mind ever changes about these records, or I get around to listening to a record that deserves to be on this list, maybe I’ll do an updated version, but like right now? This is how I feel.

#music #top 10 albums #2010s

[artificialqueens]

Into Your Arms ( Sashea AU) - wordsmithmaybe

A/N: Hello hello hello :) This is not a lesbian AU but I hope you like it anyway x

I used she and he depending on whether they are in or out of drag. 

Almost 6K words!!!

enjoy my lovelies x 

“it’ll be fun, come on!” Aja, a legendary New York queen, and one of Sasha’s close friends, insists.

As she continues her blabbering about the biggest white party in Brooklyn, Sasha wonders how he’s going to get out of this situation.

It’s not that he doesn’t want to spend time with his friends or go to clubs, but between his nightly drag performances and his day job as a graphic designer, he needs a break this weekend.

Going to a random party at 1AM doesn’t seem as exciting when you’re sleep deprived, and stressed.

But Aja has a way with words that in half an hour Sasha finds himself getting ready, running around his room trying to put a white outfit together.

He huffs and puffs and sighs, because he still doesn’t want to go but now there is no stepping back. The other queen just laughs as she Snapchats her friend’s troubles.

Aja was right.

The party is indeed “lit” as she eloquently described earlier, Sasha can’t deny.

But that doesn’t mean she’s enjoying herself.

After a couple of drinks and many conversations, she begins to feel bored and tired. The small amount of alcohol she consumed is already giving her a minor, but annoying headache.

She sits in a corner, and goes on her phone, suddenly double tapping photos of people she barely knows sounds more meaningful than socialising with the ones around her.

She looks up for a bit only to witness Aja’s third (maybe fourth) impromptu lip sync on the tiny stage.

She can tell her friend is drunk, but at least she’s having a good time, unlike Sasha.

Sasha doesn’t want to be a buzz killer, but her anxiety and exhaustion are both getting the best of her. All she wants to do is be in bed; her phone no longer distracting her from the way she’s feeling physically, and emotionally.

She gets up, and looks around for Aja, but she’s nowhere to be seen. She sighs.

Aja is drunk, which means finding her is going to be tricky, and Sasha is not in the mood.

She turns around and spots Aquaria, one of their drag friends, she asks her if she’s seen Aja.

“Your girl just left with someone,” Aquaria smirks, “He’s really hot, you should’ve seen him.”

Sasha just rolls her eyes, “Looks like she bailed on me for dick,”

“I mean, can you blame her?” Aquaria giggles before giving Sasha a quick shoulder squeeze and walking away to talk to some other people.

Sasha decides to order an uber since that seems like the fastest way to get home. She may be short on money, but she’s too tired to worry about her financial state now.

As she’s about to go to the app on her phone, someone falls into her arms.

Literally.

She drops her phone in the process, shocked to see a drunk drag queen just clinging to her.

It’s obvious that she’s extremely intoxicated.

Sasha sighs. Just another thing to ruin her night.

She lifts the person’s head a bit from her shoulder and looks at the half sleepy face.

Sasha has never been one to obsess over good looking people, but even under the club’s dim neon lighting, she can see how gorgeous this stranger is.

And for a moment, she feels nervous.

But when she remembers that the other queen is very out of it, she’s no longer thinking about her plump lips, perfect nose, and glowing dark skin.

Instead she awkwardly sits down on a couch, and make the person attached to her body, lay down next to her.

She grabs her phone, and curses when she notices that the screen is kind of broken.

She hasn’t even officially met this drunk, and she’s already pissed at her.

She gets up, deciding to go home.

Fuck this, she hisses.

It’s not her responsibility, nor her job to take care of this random human.

But she only takes one step forward before guilt takes her right back to that couch.

She realises something bad might happen to this person, and despite her personal feelings of resentment, she knows that she has to take care of her.

But the person doesn’t seem to have her wallet or phone, and she has passed out.

Sasha tries shaking her awake, but it doesn’t work, so she just sits there, biting her bottom lip in anger.

The party seems to be cooling down, but the person isn’t waking up.

Sasha doesn’t know what to do.

There is no way she could drag her anywhere in this state.

Plus, she doesn’t think it’s ethical or right to take her anywhere while she is unconscious, is it?

No one in the party seems to recognise the drunk queen, and Sasha is at the verge of giving up.

After a few minutes, she leans back against the couch, putting one arm protectively around the stranger, and just like that, she drifts away.

Only to be woken up by the bartender when the club is closing.

“I’m sorry, but you two have to leave.” He says, smiling apologetically.

Sasha sighs, “I don’t really know this person, and I don’t want to leave her like this.” She confesses.

“Your best bet at this point is to get a cab, and just take her home with you. Maybe they’ll finally wake up.” The bartender suggests, “or you can just leave her outside if you’re Satan.” Even though he laughs, Sasha doesn’t take it as a joke.

“I’ll need another tequila shot to deal with this,” Sasha says, sighing.

“The bar is closed, but I got you,” the bartender winks.

She takes her shot, and he helps her get an uber and drag the sleeping stranger into it.

All the way back to her place, Sasha keeps hoping she would wake up, but she doesn’t.

To her annoyance, the uber driver is singing along ever so quietly to every song that comes on the radio.

Sasha puts her headphones on, and plays her own music, but then the driver decides it’s time to start a conversation.

“Your boyfriend is going to have a horrible headache tomorrow,” he cackles too loud for her ears, and she just fakes a smile and nods.

It would take too much effort to explain the entire situation.

When they get to her place, the stranger is half conscious.

She is still drunk, but she manages to walk upstairs with Sasha hanging onto her.

“Are you going to fuck me?” She whispers when Sasha puts her to sleep on the sofa in her living room.

Sasha just rolls her eyes.

The stranger reaches over and grabs Sasha’s face.

“I think you’re cute. It’s okay, you can fuck me.” She giggles, her breath reeking with alcohol.

Sasha manages to set herself free, and just simply looks down on her as she just lays there in her bedazzled black leotard, wavy purple her, full makeup face, and the highest platform heels.

She is a pretty drag queen, Sasha has to admit.

But the thought of even attempting to take advantage of her doesn’t cross her mind.

She removes her heels, and throws a blanket on her.

“Don’t kill me in my sleep,” She jokes, mostly under her breath as the other queen has already fallen asleep.

She goes back to her room, and after getting out of drag, he finally falls asleep.

Five hours later, he’s woken up by someone talking.

He opens his eyes, and quickly remembers the event of last night.

He gets up, and leaves his bedroom only to see the stranger from last night all sat up, his wig is off, and he’s on the phone with someone.

“I don’t know girl, he’s asleep,” he says, “I’ll send you my location on whatsapp, just come pick me up please.”

Sasha just watches. For the first time he is seeing this person fully conscious.

“Geez, Pierre. I don’t know if we fucked. I don’t think we did, but I don’t want to think about it now. Bye.” He says before hanging up.

Sasha clears his throat on purpose as he awkwardly stands there waiting for the other guy to look up.

He finally does.

“Shit, you’re up.” He quickly says standing up, “I’m so sorry for whatever happened last night, my friend will be here in ten minutes to pick me up.”

Seeing how frustrated he seems, Sasha just smiles, “It’s fine, relax.” He adds.

Sasha’s words seem to have relaxed him a bit as he just nods, “I’m Shea by the way.”

Shea.

A very unusual name that Sasha has never hears before, but somehow he already likes the sound of it.

“I’m Sasha,” he introduces, “And just so you know, we didn’t sleep with each other. Or kissed. Or did anything.”

Shea just lets out an awkward nervous laughter, “would you mind telling me how I ended up here? I honestly can’t remember anything from last night.”

“Well, you quite literally fell into my arms, and then passed out.” Sasha explains, sitting on the sofa, “It’s okay, you can sit down and wait for your friend. I’m not gonna get mad.” He smiles, trying not to embarrass Shea even more. He can see he seems uneasy.

Shea sits down, and buries his face in his hands, “I’m sorry, that’s so not like me.”

“It looked like you were alone, and I couldn’t find your phone, so I just brought you home, because I didn’t want anything bad happening if I just left you like that,” Sasha explains, “By the way, where was your phone?”

Shea looks at him, and grins, “in my wig cap. Drunk me probably didn’t want to lose her phone.”

Sasha can’t help but giggle, “that’s a smart move.”

There is an awkward silence. Sasha can’t help but admire the sheepish smile on Shea’s face.

He comes to the realisation again that Shea is actually very good looking even with just a wig cap on, and all that messy hangover makeup all over his face.

“Thank you,” Shea finally breaks the silence, “Honestly thank you so much for taking care of me like that. God knows what would’ve happened if it were someone else.”

Sasha just smiles. He is surprised that Shea quickly trusted him. He expected him to at least question his intention. But instead, he believed what he told him right away.

Shea’s phone buzzes, and he gets up after checking the text he received.

“My friend is down stairs,” he announce.

Sasha doesn’t know why, but he feels a tiny bit sad that this random meet up is about to be over. He doesn’t want it to be over.

“Listen, can I please invite you out for lunch or something? Just to make up for whatever trouble I caused you last night.” Shea offers.

Sasha’s immediate body response was to say “yes please” but he remembers his manners, “honestly it’s fine, you don’t have to do anything for me.”

Shea’s face quickly changes “Shit, sorry. That probably sounds like I’m asking you out. I promise it’s nothing like that.”

Sasha feels a sudden wave of disappointment take over. Why did he have to ruin this? Maybe he was hoping Shea would ask him out.

“I have a boyfriend, I swear. I just think maybe we can be friends?“Shea quickly corrects himself.

Of course Shea has a boyfriend. The good ones are always taken. He sighs internally, but he still doesn’t want to waste an opportunity to spend time with him. Even as friends.

“Alright Shea, if you want to be my friend so badly, I guess I’ll have to let it happen.” He teases, jokingly, grinning.

Shea just rolls his eyes, and smiles, “We are definitely getting along.”

After exchanging phone numbers, they agree to meet the next day at one of Shea’s favourite brunch places.

Sasha doesn’t understand why he feels nervous as he gets ready.

He’s already met Shea. He’s seen him drunk. There should be nothing to worry about, and yet his heart still beats faster than usual as he picks his outfit and wonders what they’ll talk about.

Something about Shea really drew him in. He is still trying to figure it out, but it’s like his energy matched perfectly with Shea.

After trying way too many outfits, he ends up wearing his usual black turtleneck shirt and skinny dark jeans, with the only colour on him being his red glasses.

Sasha is so nervous that he ends up arriving half an hour early and just waiting for Shea outside, using his free time to text and check social media.

He doesn’t notice Shea’s presence until Shea’s taps him on the shoulder.

He quickly jumps, dropping his phone. Again.

Thar phone had been through way too much.

He looks up quickly, meeting Shea’s eyes. He is suddenly too embarrassed to say or do anything.

“Sorry about your phone.” Shea says with a smile on his face. He leans down in order to grab Sasha’s phone for him. That’s when Sasha wakes up, and quickly kneels down at the same time as Shea.

They reach for the phone simultaneously, causing their hands to touch.

Sasha swears he feels everything around them stop as he looks up to meet Shea’s eyes, but then it hits him how silly his dramatic emotions are, so he quickly grabs the phone and gets up.

“Don’t worry about my phone, it’ll survive.” He says with an awkward smile, wiping his screen.

Shea seems so relaxed, Sasha notices. He just smirks back at him, and nods.

They go into the restaurant, and Sasha is terrified.

He doesn’t understand why he’s suddenly very antisocial and incapable of just forming normal human sentences.

But when Shea shows him a random, but hilarious meme on his phone, Sasha feels a bit less stressed.

Slowly, as the conversation builds up, Sasha finds the courage to be himself.

“So tell me more about your drag persona!!” Shea asks excitedly taking a bite from his avocado toast.

Sasha grins. They’ve been talking about drag culture and queer history for what seemed like forever, and Sasha is realising he doesn’t mind it at all.

“Well, Sasha Velour is a lesbian feminist who likes art and hates being called pretty,” She explains, “So basically just an artsy white girl that everyone hated in college,”

Shea laughs, “I would’ve liked her in college.”

“What about your persona?” Sasha asks.

“Shea Coulee is equal parts bourgie and banji. She can be nice, but if you try her, you dead.” Shea says.

Sasha raises an eyebrow jokingly, “Better be careful around her then.”

Shea leans forward and beams, “Don’t worry, she likes you already.”

The two end up talking so much that by noon, they both feel like they’ve known each other for years.

After the brunch, they walk endlessly in town, discussing even more random topics.

Sasha can’t help but feel so impressed by Shea’s academic records. Having graduated from Juilliard School on a scholarship, Shea then went on to earn an MFA in fashion design all the way in London before coming back and starting her drag career as well as a fashion line that he marketed alone on social media. And he’s only 28. Two years younger than him.

“I barely survived three years studying graphic design,” Sasha has expressed, “I don’t know how you did all of that.”

Shea just giggles, “I come from a military home. My dad spent most of his life at the army. I was raised to excel at everything. I had no choice.”

Even though he’s smiling, Sasha can sense his tone change when talking about his family.

And not in a good way.

“What does your family think of-” Sasha starts off before quickly cutting himself off, “Fuck, I’m sorry I don’t mean to pry.”

But Shea doesn’t seem to be bothered by his unfinished question, “think of my sexuality? My drag?”

Sasha just nods.

“Well, they’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m gay, but it’s the drag that’s hard for them to accept.” Shea admits, his face suddenly no longer glowing under the sunshine.

Sasha feels horrible, but he doesn’t say anything.

“What about you?” Shea asks, maybe trying to change the topic.

“I’m an only child, and my mom died a long time ago when I was 8 years old. So it’s always just been me and my dad. And he’s, well, he’s actually cool with everything that I do.” Sasha confesses.

Shea smiles the warmest smile that Sasha has ever seen, “I’m glad he is.”

——————–

Weeks pass by, and Sasha makes sure to meet up with Shea every single day. If not every day, then they’ll text and FaceTime or at least tag each other in memes.

Point is, they become so inseparable in such a short amount of time that Sasha can’t even wrap his head around it.

He doesn’t tell anyone. Not his friends. Not his father.

He keeps Shea as his little secret. His favourite secret that he can cherish and enjoy without having the opinions of other people ruin it.

Because they will ruin it if they find out.

How will they not protest when Shea has a boyfriend?

He has a boyfriend of two years, and he doesn’t seem to let him go any time soon.

Sasha is very aware of that, but he’s also aware of how happy he feels when he’s with Shea. How young and powerful and beautiful he feels around him.

This stranger that quickly changed his life, and made him chase the slightest hope, the lowest possibility.

That maybe. Just maybe, they will somehow find a way.

Nothing has happened, and Sasha’s logical side tells him nothing will ever happen.

They are just friends.

Two people who connected.

They picked each other, and decided that they would do things together and talk about stuff.

Nothing wrong with that, Sasha tries to convince himself.

Shea rarely mentions his boyfriend.

Sometimes, Sasha feels like he’s using him as an escape from the relationship, but then Shea says something funny or strange, and Sasha is smitten all over again.

“Is it weird to call you my best friend when I’ve only known you for three months?” Shea has once questioned, as they ate ice cream and watched an episode of the X-Files.

Sasha remembers having no answer, to which Shea just shrugs and says, “Eh, I think it’s not weird at all. Hey, can we watch another episode?”

Shea is so random and spontaneous. Maybe his spontaneity is the reason why they decide to dress in drag and go to a ‘straight bar’.

“Let’s see how many straight guys we get to fool,” Shea smirks as they help each other pick the ‘fishiest outfits’.

Of course no one will be fooled.

When they enter the bar, the atmosphere suddenly changes as every pair of eyes looks then up and down.

Two glamazonian bitches with faces beat to the gods.

The straights are confused, but they mostly just ignore them.

Shea isn’t impressed.

“How come they’re not gushing all over us?” She pouts.

“I told you not to overdo it with this ugly ass blue eyeshadow,” Sasha jokes, chuckling.

Shea glares at her, taking a sip from her drink before shoving her gently and giggling.

“This place is boring anyway. Let’s go somewhere where we can be appreciated.” Shea says as she gets up and grabs her purse.

Sasha remembers having this sudden feeling that life is perfect in that moment as she joins Shea and walks towards the exit.

They stand outside laughing and recounting the dull events of the night as they share a joint.

Everything seems so peaceful.

Sasha leans against the alleyway wall and closes her eyes, smiling when she’s finally hit by euphoria.

She opens her eyes only to witness Shea staring at her with the most dreamy gaze she’s ever seen.

And in the jumble of the moment, she suddenly doesn’t mind grabbing and kissing her.

And that’s what she does.

Kissing Shea doesn’t feel magical, Sasha realises.

Because magic is an overrated word.

Instead.

Kissing her feels home.

It feels warm and fuzzy and soothing.

It feels right.

As Shea wraps her arms around Sasha’s neck, bringing her closer, the blonde queen wants nothing else from the world but for it to stop.

But then, something happens.

The world doesn’t stop.

Instead, the world pushes them to the wall so aggressively that Sasha’s head starts spinning.

The world punches them both till they bleed, and the world kicks the shit out of them as they scream.

Sasha can barely see in the blur of the moment, but the world seems to be a group of people.

Or devils.

What’s the difference anyway?

For a split second, Sasha wonders if this is payback for feeling happy.

Maybe that’s how the world works to balance itself out.

If you’re too happy, you have to suffer, because nothing is free.

One second, they are having the time of their lives.

The next, they are lying on the ground, begging whoever is beating them to stop.

But they won’t stop.

They keep their hits and knocks until Sasha can no longer scream, and words are suddenly a foreign concept in her foggy brain.

Is that how death feels like? She wonders before closing her eyes.

The last thing she does is use the remaining bit of her energy to hold Shea’s bloody hand on the dirty ground.

She doesn’t recall what happens next.

Sirens.

Lights.

Random dreams and nightmares.

Hospital smells.

Sasha hates hospital smells.

But he’s not in a hospital.

He’s in a yellow field.

The sky is purple.

And he can see Shea running away.

He tries to stop him.

But his hands are tied to something.

He looks down, and it’s a hospital bed.

Then, he dazes off again.

And again.

And again.

He doesn’t recall how long it takes before he finally regains full consciousness.

The doctor says it’s been 4 days, but Sasha believes it’s more like four weeks.

His dad is there.

All he can think about is how scared his father must have been.

“I’m sorry,” he tries to say but only a whisper escapes his dry lips.

His dad just holds his hand and gently shushes him.

He realises that his entire body is hurting. They tell him he’s lucky, because nothing is severely broken.

Just a twisted angle and a fractured left arm.

His art arm.

His heart hurts even more.

Not in the physical sense.

He is still trying to remember what happened.

He can only recall the sound of shoes hitting his sides, and Shea’s.

Shea.

He just wants to know if he’s okay.

But everyone is ignoring the question. Or just giving him standard answers like ‘don’t worry, everything is going to be fine’.

The police come over to take a statement, but it’s pointless because he doesn’t remember much. There were no witnesses or surveillance cameras. So Sasha makes peace with the fact that they might never catch them. Despite how frustrating that it, he finds himself caring about one person: Shea. And one thing: his safety.

Aja visits. He cries a lot, and curses the crap out of whoever did it.

More friends come to see him, but his mind can only think of Shea.

He finally breaks down, and tries to leave his bed.

That’s when his dad looks him in the eyes, “I swear to you, he is fine. Almost in the same state as you are, but in another room.”

Well, if they’re in the same state, that means he’s not fine. It means he’s in as much pain as Sasha.

And that’s not 'fine’.

“You can see him in a couple days, I’ll make sure of that. But for now, you need to focus on recovery.” The doctor ensures a few hours later.

He asks for a mirror.

He doesn’t know why, but he wants to see his face.

So they bring him a small hand mirror, and he finally cries.

It’s not that his face looks horrible.

In a way, it looks okay for someone who got beat up pretty badly.

So much blue and purple around his eyes, significantly more around his left eye.

Swelling around on his lips, and a small cut on his chin.

He’s wearing a hospital gown, but he can sense that bruises on his body are worse.

But that’s also not why he cries.

He cries, because he trusted the world for once. He let go and enjoined a beautiful moment.

What did he get in return?

This.

This whole damn mess.

————–

They finally let Sasha see Shea.

He is better now. His ankle still hurts but he manages to walk with a cane, the nurse helping him make it all the way down the cold bluish hallway.

Even though it only takes less than five minutes to reach Shea’s room, Sasha feels like it’s taking five hours instead.

His feet can’t carry him fast enough.

His heart is pounding so much that he almost gets insecure thinking that the nurse can probably hear it just as loud as he can.

His throat is tingling with imaginary butterflies.

He doesn’t remember much from the incident but he remembers exactly what happened prior.

Shea’s lips on his.

Lipstick colours mixing together.

Hands floating around, grasping each other for dear life.

The moan that escaped Shea’s lips when their tongues met.

The details are so vivid that he has to touch his lips just to make sure this is real life and that he’s not kissing Shea in this very moment.

When he first goes into the room, his vision gets blurry, and he feels lightheaded as the nurse helps him step further inside.

He can’t recognise anything or anyone-turns out, there are at least 3 people in Shea’s room- inside.

But he doesn’t care.

His eyes quickly scan the place, trying to locate Shea.

And then, it happens.

There he is.

Sitting on the bed, his back leaned against the white headboard.

His face looks just as bruised and swollen as Sasha’s, maybe even more.

He is wearing a full cast around his left leg.

Sasha’s heart sinks, but then Shea lifts his head and smiles the brightest smile.

Suddenly, nothing else really matters.

Sasha moves as quickly as he can, and when he gets to the bed, the first thing he does is reach for Shea’s hand.

“I missed you so much,” he manages to say before his eyes tear up.

“I missed you too,” Shea continues to smile as he squeezes his hand gently, “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“I’m sorry for you leg,” Sasha says.

Shea, still smiling, just shrugs, “Don’t apologise for something that’s not your fault,”

He finally manages to look up at the people standing around the bed.

An elderly couple and a young man.

“These are my parents,” Shea introduces, “and This is my boyfriend Samuel,”

“This is Sasha, my lovely friend who was also attacked that night.”

Boyfriend.

Boyfriend.

Boyfriend.

The word keeps repeating itself in his head.

Sasha smiles, and says hi.

He gets involved in small talk.

He grins, and laughs, and chats with the parents. With the boyfriend.

The boyfriend seems nice.

He’s tall, handsome, and articulate.

He pays attention to Shea and caters to his smallest needs like bringing water or changing the pillow position under his broken leg.

The parents seem to love him.

The dad keeps his arm wrapped around his shoulders, and the mom doesn’t stop praising him.

Sasha is happy for Shea.

He is glad he has someone he can rely on.

Oh bullshit.

He isn’t happy.

Well, maybe slightly.

But he’s more jealous.

He’s more furious that he trusted Shea, and somehow allowed himself to be baited by him.

But he can’t show it.

He can’t even talk to Shea about the kiss; something he was looking forward to do.

Glancing at Shea, he can see a look of slight remorse in his eyes, like he is apologising for what they have done, for what they haven’t done.

Sasha feels so upset that his bruises and fractures start hurting.

But no one in the room knows the real reason why as the nurse escorts him out, all the way down the same hallway.

His heart is still beating fast, but this time it’s because he’s sad. He’s broken.

And those throat butterflies?

They’ve turned into snakes wrapping around his neck and slowly strangling him.

His tears silently begin to stream down before they even make it back to his room.

The nurse notices and assumes it’s because of the physical pain he’s in.

She proceeds to give him a good dose of pain killers that Sasha doesn’t mind because it put him to sleep.

He forgets about Shea for a few hours.

When he wakes up though, it all comes back and hits him so hard he starts weeping again.

But this time he’s not alone.

This time his friend Aja is by his side.

Aja forces him to speak up.

And Sasha, being in his desperate state, goes on an hour ramble about how he’s in love with someone who’s in love with someone else.

“That’s fucked up, sis,” Aja says, “Do you think he’ll just pretend the kiss never happened?”

“For all I know, he might not have even remembered it. I don’t know, and I just don’t want to care anymore.” Sasha sighs in frustration.

“But you do care sis, and that’s okay. You just need some distractions. I promise you once you get out of here, you’re gonna get so much dick you’ll forget all about this guy.” Aja comforts.

And Sasha just nods even though deep down he knows that it’s not going to be as easy as Aja describes.

Sasha doesn’t go back to Shea’s room after that.

And Shea never comes to his.

They never text or call, and Sasha understands that Shea gets it. He gets that this whole thing needs to end.

Maybe that attack was a sign that they shouldn’t mess around. That Samuel is a good guy. That Shea should stay with him.

Sasha spends the remaining few days in the room either sleeping or catching up on Brooklyn drag gossip with Aja. He even designs a few looks on his sketchbook as a way to keep his brain cells busy enough not to remember Shea.

And it almost works.

Almost.

——————-

The first few weeks after leaving the hospital are weird.

Sasha’s father insists on staying over for a while to take care of him, especially that his ankle is still injured.

Sasha tries his best to forget Shea’s face, but it’s engraved onto the walls of his brain.

He reads books, and binge watches all the films he has avoided for years.

He catches up on his graphic design commissions, and tries to pick some new songs for his drag performances.

One night, he even convinces his dad to let him venture into Brooklyn with Aja and the rest of his friends. His dad is skeptical given that his fractures haven’t fully healed yet, but Sasha goes out anyway.

This time, he doesn’t let any drunk drag queen fall into his arm.

Instead, he goes to some random guy’s place, and they fuck.

It’s not sweet or romantic and it only happens when alcohol is present.

But Sasha doesn’t care.

He loses his mind in the moment, and he doesn’t care.

But when it all finishes, and he goes back home, all he can see between his eyes is Shea.

So he smokes a joint, and goes to bed.

It happens again with a different guy weeks later.

And then another one.

And many more that he can’t recall.

Sasha would lie if he said the hook ups didn’t help him forget about Shea a bit.

They did.

But in the back of his head, Shea’s smile is still there.

He learns to live with it eventually.

His dad leaves, ans he’s fully recovered now.

He goes back to his daily routine.

He’s working on more graphic design projects than ever, and his drag performances are making a buzz in the Brooklyn scene.

Things are just about to be good.

This is supposed to be one of his greatest performances in a famous Brooklyn drag queen.

One summer night.

Sasha Velour performing to Kate Bush’s Love and Anger.

She’s putting her heart and soul on the floor.

And when she’s done, hearing everyone’s applause, she feels at home.

She belongs.

She walks backstage, because she needs to get ready for the second and last performance of the night.

No one is in the dressing room.

She closes the door, and sits down on the worn out couch.

She looks at herself in a handheld mirror, and smiles.

She is finally free from some of the pain.

But it doesn’t last long, because what happens next takes her back to the moment that her heart broke to a million pieces.

Sasha can’t remember the details.

Shea, in drag, is suddenly in the room with her.

Does Shea knock?

Does she just walk in?

Does she sit next to her?

Or does she just stand there when she gives her speech?

It goes something along the lines of apologising and confessing an undying love. Something about no longer having a boyfriend.

“Please give me a chance,” Shea begs.

Sasha doesn’t know what happens next.

Maybe she just gets up and runs outside.

Maybe she takes a cab all the way back to her place.

Maybe that’s why she’s on her bed, crying silently in the dark.

It’s been months since the hospital.

Sasha has wanted this to happen for so long that she eventually had to let it go.

But then Shea came back, and now she’s lost and confused again.

She ignores everyone for a day, but then she gets up, and decides to face reality.

So he texts Shea, and arranges a coffee date.

Not a date.

But rather, a meet up to talk things through.

Shea might have been cruel enough to leave for a long time, but Sasha can’t do it.

After casual hellos and life updates, Sasha admits that he doesn’t know who Shea is anymore.

“I don’t even know who i'am anymore, to be honest.” He adds.

Everything has changed.

“Then let’s get to know each other all over again,” Shea suggests, reaching over to place his hand on top of Sasha’s hand on the table.

Sasha doesn’t move his hand.

“And what if it doesn’t work out?” Sasha asks.

His heart is beginning to play a very familiar beat, but he’s still unsure. Still hesitant.

“Then at least we tried, right?” Shea smiles.

That one smile.

The smile that brightens an entire room in a matter of seconds.

And just like that, Sasha decides to smile back.

He decides to go out with Shea again. And again. And again.

They go on many walks, and share French baguette sandwiches.

They listen to music together, and talk about their childhood.

Some nights, they stay up texting each other until sunrise.

Sasha notices the differences this time.

Shea is more open now.

He’s more loving, and caring.

And Sasha is no longer afraid of losing him.

They kiss, for the first- technically second- time randomly as they try to cook pasta one Sunday noon at Shea’s place.

And this time they’re not interrupted by anything or anyone.

They kiss, and make out, and make love.

As they lay in bed gasping for air, Shea looks at Sasha and whispers, “I’m in love with you.”

Sasha smiles, “i know,”

He grabs him for a soft tired kiss, “And I’m in love with you.”

“I know,” Shea grins.

#shea coulee #sasha velour #sashea #au #fluff #hurt/comfort #tw homophobic attack #tw language #tw substance abuse #wordsmithmaybe #rpdr fanfiction #submission #queen au

[xoxogirliexoxo]

Gilbert Twins - Chapter 8 So Much For The Football Game The next day I wake up in my bed with a massive headache, I slowly sit up then look around carefully, "how did I get in here?" I say "Stefan brought you to your bed," I hear Elena say and I look over to my window where she is sat on the windowsill writing in her journal, "how are you feeling?" "That's a stupid question," I say getting out of bed then I notice a glass of water and painkillers on my bedside. I sigh then take them, "thanks," I say then look at her, "it's Stefan's first game isn't it?" I ask and she nods, "I'll come to it my hangover will be gone by then" "Yeah, but you are not drinking," Elena says in her mother tone "Yeah, yeah," I say and walk into the bathroom, with an outfit then I randomly picked out of my closet. I get ready in the bathroom, I look into the mirror and I see how horrible I look. I leave the bathroom and go to my dressing table and I put on some makeup so I look near enough normal, "I'm going to stay at home till the game," I say "Yeah okay," Elena says, "you going to explain what yesterday was about?" "I don't know what you mean?" I look at her confused "You don't remember?" she frowns questioning and I shake my head, "don't worry about it" "What did I say El?" I ask her worried I messed up "You said that no one cares about you and it's all about me," Elena says looking hurt, I look up at her shocked and I walk to her still a little wobblily "El, you know when I'm drunk I just say stuff that I don't mean but yes, people care more about you than me, but you know me I hate people smothering me with pity," I say and she smiles, "listen, I know people care about me so don't worry about it okay?" I say and she nods, "go, go to your man and apology to him and everyone, let him know that I'm grateful he brought me to my bed." "I will do, also Am... Be careful around Damon now, Care is pissed he went off with you," Elena says "I saw him first," I say in a teasing voice and she laughs, "you know I'm not looking for anything romantic" "Yeah, I know," Elena says, "I got to go, if you feel like it come to school so people know you are okay," I nod then she leaves. I roll my eyes and pick up my journal placing it in my bag, I walk downstairs to the kitchen and pull out my pain killer that I was prescribed by the hospital I place them in my bag. I begin to make myself a cup of coffee then I see Jenna walk in, "you okay? I heard about you crashing the dinner," She says and I nod, "you off out?" "Just to get fresh air, it helps. I won't drive I got my pain killers, my phone is fully charged so I can call someone to pick me up if I'm struggling," I say and she smiles nodding then she leaves. I'm in the kitchen sat alone, I pull out my phone and go through my contacts till I see Damon's number. I remember what Elena said but I shrug it off and text him. Me: hey, wanna hang out? Damon: if I must miss drunky Me: your fault! Damon: haha, guessing you're home Me: yeah Damon: won't be long I smile putting my phone back in my bag and I wait on my porch for him as I'm bored of being inside the house. I sit on the steps of my porch as I wait for Damon to get here which doesn't take long. I smile at him as he waves at me, I stand up dusting myself off I walk to his car and get in the passenger seat, "thanks," I mumble "Were you lonely without me?" Damon teases causes me to roll my eyes then he starts driving, "what's up?" "Nothing much, I was bored alone and I got a hangover," I say earning a laugh from Damon, "yeah, yeah, shut up." "I didn't say anything," Damon smirks over at me I look at him and smiles turning my head to watch where the two of us are going with is to the boarding house. Once he parks in the drive, I jump out of his car picking up my bag then I walk to his house. I look behind me to see him looking at his phone frowning, "what's the matter?" I ask walking to him "Don't worry about it," He says leaning down to me then I lean backwards, "no fun," he fake pouts then walks in I follow behind him then I skip into the boarding house as soon as he opens the door, I walk into their front room and makes myself comfy on his sofa. I hear Damon sigh, "make yourself at home," he says then laughs walking in I turn around to look at him, "I will do, don't you worry," I say with a smile and he walks to a table then begins to pour himself a drink. He glances at me and I make my best 'pretty please' look with an innocent smile. I watch as he sighs then he begins to pour another glass, he hands me one so I gladly accept it then I watch him sit down Damon and I sit together talking about anything, but we are mainly talking about how much Caroline is bringing him down, "so? What do you want me to do about it?" I ask sipping the rest of my bourbon "That... I don't know," Damon replied and I giggle at him, "what are you laughing at?" I shrug then get up, "where are you going?" "Bathroom," I say waiting for him to tell me where the bathroom is, "where is it?" I prompt him then he tells me where it is. When I come back to the front room I see Damon laid out on his sofa, I walk over and leans down placing one arm on his shoulder, "I'm bored," I say and I notice a smirk on his face. I feel him grabbing my arm and he pulls me onto him, I look at him shocked, "is the football game tonight?" He asks and I nod, "shall we go?" he places his hands on my lap tapping "You just want to see Caroline in her outfit," I say smirking getting off him, "let's go, I want to see how good your brother is at football," I say as I walk to the front door. "Fine," Damon sighs and walks after me, I feel two hands on my hips I smile a little then I quickly walk out of the boarding house and walk up to his car. I get into the passenger seat and wait for him to get into the driver's seat, as soon as he gets in he starts driving to school. The two of us sit in silence as we drive to school where the whole student body is walking up to. As soon as Damon parks, I jump out of his car then I walk into the crowd looking for Elena. When I find her I walk up, I tap her shoulder as she has her back to me. She turns around and smiles, "no longer got a headache?" She smiles at me and I roll my eyes. I see someone walking up, I look up to see Stefan walking up in his jersey, "don't you look hot in your jersey?" Elena says smiling. I gag at them, "what's this? No more cheerleading?" Stefan comments "She quit," I say quickly "I'm a quitter," Elena adds I link my arm with hers, "I'll keep her company," I say resting my head on hers smiling at Stefan "Oh, I got you both something," Stefan says handing us both boxes Elena and I look at each other dumbfounded then we take the boxes he is handing us, I open my box to see a gold like locket necklace, "thanks... I think," I say smiling at him politely  "I saw them both they are similar, just like you two," Stefan says "Fair enough," Elena and I say at the same time then I put my necklace on as Stefan puts Elena's on, I smile at them both inside wishing someone who treats me sweetly for once. Elena turns to him looking at her necklace, "is that rose I smell?" "No, it's a herb called vervain," Stefan says and I nod looking at mine then I glance up at him. "Shouldn't you get going?" I ask and he nods, he and Elena say goodbye then he walks off to the team. I look at Elena who is smiling at her necklace, "come on lovesick puppy," I link my arm with hers and just as we go to move Caroline stops us by standing in front of us with her arms fold d across her chest. "And you're not in uniform because?" Caroline says almost harshly "Because she couldn't deal with your shit with cheerleading," I say pulling Elena leaving a dumbfounded Caroline stood alone, "I love her but she sure as hell as on your nerves," I whisper to Elena. "I know what you mean," Elena nods. The two of us stand in a crowd watching as Mr Tanner talks to everyone as he encourages the team, which, doesn't interest me at all. I look around to see Damon who smirks and waves at me, I roll my eyes at him then I look at Mr Tanner again. As Mr Tanner is talking, I notice Tyler walking away from his team to Vicki I frown as I watch them, I'm not jealous, but I know when Tyler is going to flip and trust me, he is going to flip. I unlink my arm with Elena, she looks at me worried the looks my way as we see Tyler Storm up to Jeremy who is sat on a truck with his friends. Bare in mind, Jeremy was minding his own business. I walk off from Elena who tries to hold me back knowing I'll end up being hurt by Tyler, I ignore her as he is walking to my brother like he is going to murder him. As soon as I hear vicki screaming for Tyler to stop, I don't know what comes over me I run as fast as I can to see Tyler on top of Jeremy, "TYLER!" I scream pulling him off Jeremy. I notice Tyler looking at me with hatred in his eyes, my eyes widen as I see at the corner of my eye a fist which soon connects to my cheek making me fall to the ground. I sit on the floor dumbfounded for a moment trying to think about what happened, I see brown hair lowering to me I look to see Vicki looking guilty. I roll my eyes at her, "this is your fault," I say. "Amanda?!" I hear three voices say at the same time, I look up to see Elena running to me, I point to Jeremy who is being held back by Matt. She looks at me and I nod so she walks to Jeremy. Caroline gets to my level quickly and grabs my face turning it, "you'll be bruised tomorrow," she says softly, "split lip as well," Caroline adds almost hurt "This is all my fault," I hear Vicki says. I stand up quickly shocking Caroline who stands up, "ya think? Because of you screwing with my brothers head you've led Tyler to hating him but as long as Vicki gets that shit up her nose she doesn't care who gets hurts. The two people who are hurt are Tyler and Jeremy, Jeremy more because he actually cares about you. I have no idea why though, so stay away from my brother, or else bitch," I snap then walk to Jeremy grabbing his arm, "you're coming with me," I say in a tone that doesn't need to be argued with. "Am?" I hear Elena say "Leave it El, I got it. Go cheer for your boy okay?" I say dragging Jeremy off, "Damon!" I shout as I walk to his car where he is leaning against it, "can you give us a lift home?" "I'm not going home!" Jeremy argues, I grip tighter onto his arm causing him to wince in pain, "you're hurting me Am" "Get in the fucking  car that is not an option!" I shout pushing Jeremy into the back seat, he sighs and gets in, "sorry, you don't mind do you?" "We'll get you patched up as well," Damon says getting into the drivers seat, "it's no problem, let's go" I nod and the two of us get in the car then Damon drives back to my house. The three of us walk inside, Jeremy storms into his room slamming the door, "where's your first aid kit?"Damon ask "Under the skin," I say walking to the front room sitting down on the one seater as he goes and gets the first aid kit, "you don't have to stay." "You sure?" He asks and I nod, "alright, I'll check in with you though okay?" I nod with a smile then he waves a little guilty then he leaves. I sigh and take the first aid kit upstairs into the bathroom and I start cleaning my wounds hissing in pain, I hear the door open I look to see Jeremy walking in. He takes the first aid kit from me and starts cleaning my split lip, "you really are annoying Am," Jeremy says under his breath and I shrug hissing as he cleans up, "be careful with makeup tomorrow, okay?" He gives me a sad smile and I nod "I'm going to lie down and maybe get an early night," I say then leaves the bathroom walking into my room. I lay down on my bed after I got changed into my pjs, "so much for the football game," I mutter then I close my eyes slowly. ~~~~~ That was chapter 8, I hope you all enjoyed. Please vote, comment and keep eyes open for chapter 9 which will be uploaded soon. Hope to see you next time, Bai-Bai xxxxxxx

[jamest-kirk]

For the McKirk AU: 'I was 100% sure I climbed into the back seat of my car an fell asleep last night because I was too drunk to drive but when I woke up I realized this is nothing like my car and oh yeah a stranger is driving how did they not see me' (there might follow some more au suggestions from me :3)

Last night was… crazy. Honestly, it’s not really Jim’s fault when he finds a girl to spend the night with - who then turns out to be the mayor’s daughter. And trying to blame it all on drunken fun wasn’t much of a help either. In fact, the mayor of this small, Georgia based town spent most of the night chasing him; and so did the fair lady’s boyfriend. How Jim even made it back into his car with only a few bruises was beyond him, but he wasn’t complaining. He passes out on his backseat, and doesn’t wake up until well past sunrise.

He slowly becomes aware of the moving trees, the perfect blue sky, the radio playing classic rock… what? Before Jim can sit up straight and see who stole his car, however, the other person’s phone rings. Ominous ringtone, sounding way too similar to the Imperial March. “Darlin,” a voice says when he picks up, though Jim’s never heard a term of endearment spoken with such loathing. “Alabama. Well, obviously I won’t be able to pick Jo up from school because I’m not in the fucking state.” the voice argues, and Jim listens quietly. Clearly, not a great relationship. “I can’t turn around now, Joce. Your office is literally three blocks away from her school, you pick her up… because I am. In. Another. State.” Jim listens to the two of them arguing for a little while, both amused and feeling sympathetic for this guy who’s obviously struggling with his wife or ex-wife. It’s all fun and games until Jim realizes it’s not just the guy who’s in another state - Jim is, too.

He decides to wait, because he’s seen the movies. Scaring the living hell out of a driver can be very dangerous. So he waits until the stranger makes a stop at the gas station, and when he moves inside to pay, Jim sits up straight. He tries and open the door, but it’s locked. Of course it is. So he climbs to the front seat, but even those doors are locked. And by that time, the other slides down in the driver’s seat again, and the look he gives Jim honestly makes him fear for his life. “Who are you?” the stranger demands. “I fell asleep in your car,” Jim admits, because honestly, he’s figured out by now that this isn’t in fact, his own car. “What?” the other asks, and Jim tries to shrug it off casually. “I thought this was my car, last night. Fell asleep in it. Turns out, it’s not mine. You oughta lock your car at night.” “Who sleeps in a car?” “I do. I couldn’t get a hotel room,” Jim says. The other rolls his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. “I can’t turn around,” he says, and Jim smiles. “So I heard.” “I can drop you off at the nearest bus stop so you can find your way back to Georgia.” “Oh, yes. That’d be great,” Jim says.

Though, when they do get to a bus stop, Jim finds that besides his phone, his wallet isn’t actually in his pockets. The other, Leonard, rolls his eyes and grunts. “No ID, no wallet, found in the backseat of my car – I’m starting to think you’re either a serial killer or a fugitive,” he says, and Jim snorts. “No, I was just on my way to San Fran.” “From Georgia. By car?” Leonard asks, and Jim shrugs. “Atlanta is like Vegas, but slightly cheaper,” Jim explains, and Leonard glances in his direction. “You don’t think the gas you pay along the way would exceed those expenses you’d otherwise pay for in Vegas?” He asks, and Jim hesitates. “Touche.”

“You don’t have to pay for a motel room for me,” Jim says when Leonard parks his car. It’s late, they’ve had dinner on the road, but now Leonard is exhausted. Jim has decided to tag along until his final destination. Then, he’d hitch hike his way home. Probably best to order a new credit card along the way. “Good,” Leonard says, “because I wasn’t going to pay for your room.” Jim raises an eyebrow, unsure how to proceed. Leonard disappears into the reception room, and returns with a key not much later. “C'mon,” Leonard says, nudging Jim’s shoulder and walking up the stairs to his own motel room. It’s small queen in the corner, and the bathroom looks like it hasn’t been cleaned in a while. Still, better than nothing. “I’m not against sharing a bed with strangers,” Jim starts, “but-” “You’re sleeping on the couch,” Leonard replies, pushing a pillow and a blanket in Jim’s hands. “G'night.”

Jim is up early the next morning. He takes a quick shower, gets dressed, and then makes it his mission to find breakfast for the two of them. He strolls to his bank and walks out with a credit card, then gets fresh bagels at the local deli. By the time he returns to the room, Leonard just walks out of the bathroom, towel around his waist. Jim shamelessly looks - he’s not usually one to go after guys, but he can appreciate beauty when he sees it. “I got breakfast,” Jim says eventually, holding up the plastic bags. “Good,” Leonard replies, and Jim catches those lips briefly twitching up into a smile.

“So what’s going on between you and your wife?” Jim asks when they’re back on the road. They’re having breakfast on the go, sipping coffee and munching on their bagels while listening to the quiet radio. Leonard shrugs. “In relationships, people grow,” Leonard explains, “sometimes people grow together, sometimes they grow apart.” Jim wants to ask about that, but luckily, Leonard continues. As if he finally has someone completely unbiased to talk about this, and it helps. He talks about how he’s made his own mistakes. How he chose to work overtime over spending time with his family, just so that he could send Joanna to a good college later. How, eventually, he chose work over his family because he didn’t know how to be a good husband anymore. And how his wife started doing the same thing. “I just… remember us sleeping together in the same bed, but miles apart,” Leonard sighs, and Jim smiles sympathetically. “I’m not good with relationships,” Jim says, because he’s not, “but separating isn’t the worst thing in the world if it doesn’t work out.” “I know, I already signed the divorce papers. I’m going to my parents in Texas to try and find a house nearby,” he says. “Texas,” Jim replies, scrunching up his nose. “I know,” Leonard laughs, “I’m born and raised in Georgia, but I cant stay in the state. New start, and all that.”

Leonard suffers through a headache, so Jim insists he drives instead. He makes a wrong turn, and rather than taking the highway straight towards Texas, by the time Leonard wakes up from his nap, they’re close to New Orleans. “What are we doing here?” Leonard asks, and Jim smiles. “Figured you could use a break from your divorce and everything. Let’s just go get some beignets, and we’ll pick a hotel overnight. My treat. You need to relax a little,” he says, and Leonard sighs. “Fine.”

They stay for two whole days. They stroll around the French quarter, eating food, visiting tourist attractions, going out to Bourbon Street to see the jazz performers. Leonard lives up a little, dragging Jim to bars and trying different beers. They end up doing the same thing in Houston. Jim is horribly delaying Leonard’s arrival to his parents outside Austin, but Leonard lightens up more every day. He’s witty, and extremely smart, countering Jim’s dumb ideas with one of his own - more boring, but definitely safer. They bicker almost all the time, but it’s more playful bickering. And by the time they finally  arrive at his parent’s place, Jim’s greeted by an older woman - who looks a lot like Leonard. Stern look, but friendly eyes. “Oh, Leonard didn’t tell me he was bringing a friend,” she says, and Jim smiles when the woman cups his cheeks. “And such a handsome one, too.” “Oh, he’s not staying,” Leonard says, “I’m dropping him off at the bus stop.” “Not until after dinner,” Leonard’s mother says, and Jim pats Leonard’s shoulder. “Yes, Leonard. Not until after dinner.”

Jim leaves a day after. Leonard drives him to the train station. Jim thinks about kissing him goodbye. After all, it feels right after all the times they’ve spent together. But he doesn’t, and he regrets it for weeks until he finally stops missing Leonard’s presence so much. It’s stupid, because he’s only known Leonard for a few days. Still, his presence is easy to get used to, and they keep texting and calling a lot, it’s something Jim actually looks forward to.

And then suddenly, he gets a simple messages saying: "I'm in San Fran. Wanna meet up?" Because yes, yes he wants to. Jim picks Leonard up from the airport, and this time, he doesn't think about kissing him. He just does it. He leans in, cupping Leonard's cheeks and kissing him hello. Leonard raises an eyebrow when Jim pulls away. "Really?" He asks, and Jim shrugs. "What are you in San Fran for?" He asks, and this time it's Leonard's time to raise his shoulders in a shrug. "I came here for a job interview," Leonard says, and he reaches out for the collar on Jim's shirt, pulling him in a little closer. "And I came here to do this," he adds, leaning in to press another kiss to Jim's lips, and he smiles when he pulls away, "but you beat me to it."

#Anonymous #mckirk #otp: damn it jim #leonard mccoy #bones #jim kirk #headcanons #mckirkmodern #modern au