Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
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Guys, the new year hasn’t started for me yet, I still got a few hours to go but I’ll mine-as-well make this post since I’ll probably go to bed anyways- 😂
First, I’d like to say
WE GOT A NEW BANNER LET’S GOOOOO‼️‼️‼️‼️
HELL YEAH! -I mean it’s just the characters but- HELL YEAH‼️‼️‼️‼️
SECOND. I want to show you something AMAZING and that something I’d never expect??
321 FOLLOWERS????
YOU GUYS ARE INSANE THANK ALL OF YOU SO MUCH MY GOD‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
It really makes me think how all of you guys really like and appreciate my art, and the fact that so many people encourage me to keep doing it, it brings me to tears! 🥹
Every one of you are the best thing in my life!! The first time I got Tumblr I started in:
March 30?? That’s insane- 💀
And the fact that I’ve improved SO MUCH is just INCREDIBLE!
You wanna see the FIRST drawings of Peppino??
YEAH THAT’S ME I DID THIS-
And you’re telling me that this was in what- THE START OF MARCH?? (Or February I don’t remember-) But this is just the PINNACLE of how much I’ve changed in terms in art style and experience.
I bring this up because I think Tumblr is the REASON why I improved so much! I experimented with brushes (digitally) and I found my brushes!! I learned how to EXAGGERATE AND ACTUALLY DRAW CARTOONY LIKE I’VE WANTED TO FOR SO LONG!!
(And NEVER took an art class. That’s fucking what- 💀 I need to take one I actually need to at this point-)
Also also also- I’ve learned a lot of things! Anatomy, exaggerative expression, stretchy cartooniness, ALL OF THESE ARE JUST- I can’t believe I’ve learned all this because one day I decided: “Maybe I should ACTUALLY get a social media for my art? 🤔” AND I DID IT AND CHANGED MY LIFE‼️‼️‼️
YOU GUYS CHANGED MY LIFE!-
My followers!- My mutuals/friends- I NEED TO SAY HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE ALL MY MUTUALS, ALL OF YOU 💖💕💖💕💖💕💖💕
Everything about Tumblr has changed me in SUCH a positive way in not only terms of art but with how many people (TALENTED PEOPLE) I’ve made FRIENDS with AND ACTUALLY got to know!!!
I already said it but you guys are absolutely AMAZING and I just CAN’T FATHAM how much this year has just been a BLAST.
My mutuals:
@noodletime @moon9931 @marclef @margarita-the-pizzeria-worker @lucia-the-mii @lovestryke @lord-yiikes @ijusthavefun @linhfoxmoive @kate-bot @nomlioart @boogiestronic80s @zedortoo @jarroyave4637 @atlaslovesedm @alaskacoolkid1 @remaking-machine @average-amount-of-chaos @cherryxsapphic @dingle-dee @eyeballdrawer @tailsdollsnewlife @radaverse @gongustheawsome01 @fluffygiraffe @qwertykeyboard045 @w00den-h3ad @the-little-knight @oddpizza @misdreavusplush
(OKAY- I may have added some people on here that I think ARE REALLY COOL, I may not talk to you much but I’ve seen you guys like my art and I think ya’ll deserve to be on here 🫶💖✨)
AND IF I MISSED ANYONE PLEASE TELL ME I’M SO SORRY BUT JUST KNOW I LOVE ALL OF YOU THE SAME (Platonically) I HOPE YOU GUYS HAVE A WONDERFUL NEW YEAR AND HAVE A GOOD ONE 🎉🎉🎉
GOOD NIGHT TO ALL YOU LOVELY PEOPLE YOU GUYS MEAN THE WOLRD TO ME AND HAVE A GREAT NIGHT 💖💖💖💖
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(transcript by @violentandmagnificent)
It’s quiet here, living in your head.
It’s quiet here, and when I talk, you listen,
at least when you can hear me, which isn’t always.
It isn’t always, but it’s better than never.
It’s quiet here, living on this ship.
It’s quiet here, and I remember when it was loud,
I remember different voices bouncing in these halls,
I remember old arguments,
I remember myself.
I wonder how much I can tell you; because
I can tell you; I have much to say.
But you never saw me astride the Prophet’s Path,
beside the Resin Heart, imparting wrath and play.
So who am I?
You only know what they’ve told you.
So who am I?
You only know what’s written down.
So who am I?
You only know what’s on recordings,
and according to the world, I’m a hypocrite, or drowned.
I doubt you can hear me, but I know that she can.
So pardon my frustration, I’m just tired of her plan.
I lost my life long before I understood,
before metaphor became real, before I felt the wheel’s wood.
I wonder what she’ll tell you.
I wonder what she’ll share.
I wonder what she’ll ask of you, what task of sweat and prayer.
I long to sweat and pray, a body in the day.
The color of the sun.
The touch, the ocean's spray.
The last thing that I felt in life.
(The first thing that I felt in life.)
The touch, the ocean's spray.
I hope she tells the truth to you.
(I hope she tells the worst to you.)
The touch, the ocean's spray.
I loved her like she told me to.
(I left her like she told me to.)
The touch, the ocean's spray.
We’re running out of time, you know?
(She’s running out of time, you know?)
The touch, the ocean's spray.
I fear we might be mirrored, two echoes of a call
shouted between two queens, two queens who want it all.
I fear we might be symmetry, I fear we might be one.
Make her tell the truth to you
before we come undone.
PALISADE 37: Reach In / Reach Out Pt. 1
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Charles and I had a tough relationship to start with in go-karting. The beautiful thing is Charles is also someone who will never give up. That’s why we initially clashed quite a bit. We were both fighting at the front and wanted to win. And at that time we weren’t really communicating because we were young, in our teens.
But over time our relationship has grown and we really respect each other. We sometimes see each other in Monaco, in a restaurant or wherever. Charles has always been fast over one lap. He can put everything together. He is not afraid, either. He is happy wrestling the car. It doesn’t matter if it snaps out a bit. He has confidence in his ability and that’s what makes a great F1 driver.
Max Verstappen on Charles Leclerc, ahead of the 2023 Bahrain GP [x]
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