#did anyone else do these in high school?

[happybird16]

All the 104th Scouts doing one of those 'who can fake-moan the loudest' competitions that starts off shy and quiet until its just loud, unabashed, and they're openly trying to one up each other. Not everyone participates, but everyone is laughing so hard that they can't breathe as Connie yell-moans the LOUDEST most exaggerated uuuhhhaa in a high and feminine tone.

And then Levi sticks his head in the room with the most horrified look on his face: "What the fuck is going on in here?"

#did anyone else do these in high school? #like at the lunch table? #levi is the designated superior #no one else wanted to deal with it #levi ackerman #connie springer #idk what to call this

[hellsingmongrel]

Man, so I'm not normally the biggest fan of Modern AUs, nor am I overly fond of fiction focused on kids, but...last night, my sleeping brain decided to concoct this Trigun (Stampede-flavored) Modern AU that now is living rent free in my damn brain! I want to get it out of my head and into the ether. I don't know if I'm going to do anything long-form with it, and I'm having to translate dream weirdness into more coherent storytelling, but here we go.

So it's modern day Earth, like 2024 or some shit, right? And that's when this version of Earth had just begun fucking around with Plant cloning. It's early enough that the SEEDS project hasn't even left the planet, the scientists haven't yet figured out how to put Plants in bulbs and use them for fuel, none of that! But they've already had Tessla happen, and the boys have already been born. Since they're not in space, even though they had to have found out about their sister, Nai hasn't had a chance to literally nuke humanity from orbit, and I guess Rem has had a chance to try and curtail some of his trauma, so he's...more stable? Ish? Stable enough where he's not actively trying to murder everyone. And the boys are "older," like we see in the flashbacks for the time Vash encountered Nai during the Last Run, so probably around 6 years old but looking 16 or so.

Rem has managed to fudge their paperwork so they've started going to school with human kids, to try and give them a normal childhood. Nai isn't as eager to play ball with the whole "being human" thing as much as Vash is, but Vash has got so many friends, Meryl and Milly and Lina are there and they're like the cutest, most stupidly adorable group of friends, just a bunch of little goofballs, like kids that age are. And the school has a field trip to a theme park (it was Disneyworld in my dream because my school actually did this, but ours was a band trip) and Vash manages to convince Rem to let him go. Vash and Nai and Rem are still paranoid about humans figuring out who they are, so you know, he's told to be extra careful and take care of himself, and Nai gives him one of his blades or something for self defense, just in case something happens. Even though Vash would never, that boy has trauma around knives and trying to defend himself, if you've read Trimax, iykyk. But he takes it anyway, and somehow, he manages to sneak it into the park. Maybe the metal doesn't register on metal detectors or something, who knows.

But he's a kid, and kids are dumb. Especially when they're 16. Especially if those 16 year olds aren't actually 16 and don't have the actual lived experience to know better. So he starts playing with the knife in front of the girls, showing off and just being a silly little guy. And then the knife slips. Bad. We're talking "this is how he probably lost his arm in this AU" bad. Blood everywhere, the girls are panicking and take him to the school chaperones and it's like "HOLY SHIT WTF DUDE, We're taking you to the ER, someone call his mom!"

And he hears that, pictures the doctors finding out he's not human, remembers what happened to Tessla, and panics. Boy does a runner like only Vash can do, and he manages to get away from them, out of the park, and escapes from security. And when parents get involved in trying to find him, the authorities start looking into the incident, and someone in the government overseeing the Plant research is able to recognize the elemental make up of the blade he dropped, and they start having suspicions. So the feds get involved, and it just goes from bad to worse, right?

Meanwhile, loopy from blood loss and panicking and a little sobbing mess because he feels dumb about slipping up and he's afraid he'll never get to go home to his mom and his brother again and is spiraling the way kids do when they panic, he gets lost in the city and ends up stumbling over teenage Wolfwood, who lives on the streets and has a few street kids that he looks after on his own with Livio. They never got to live at the orphanage, but that also means that the Eye (in whatever form it takes in this AU) never got ahold of them, so yeah, shits fucked for them, but it's actually a whole lot better for them than it might have been. And it's Wolfwood without all of the EoM trauma, so you can just imagine what he does when this delirious, bloody, terrified, severely injured kid runs him over in the street, sobbing about being caught by the adults and taken away.

Big Brother Nico do what Big Brother Nico do.

At that point, I ended up waking up, but damn if my brain didn't give me enough details to come up with a dumb AU idea that I kind of love and want to do something with, but I don't know if I have the time or spoons to do so.

Ideas I'd had following this beginning to flesh itself out in my head; Luida and Brad are Plant researchers brought onto the project to help the feds figure out wtf is going on with this whole situation, and when Luida is told to talk to Rem, because she's not giving them anything they can use, the two of them reach a secret accord to bring Vash home safe and sound and cover everything back up nice and squeaky clean the way it should have stayed.

Vash's arm is bad enough that he can't really heal it very well on his own without medical care, Plant healing or no. He's doing better than most kids would, but it still begins to go septic, and it forces Nico and Livio to make the really hard decision to find adults they can trust to bring him to so he can get the care he needs. He still ends up losing his arm, though.

At the end of everything, Melanie ends up taking Nico and Livio and the other kids in, so they still get to have their momma figure, even if she comes in later. Maybe she's the one that they find to help them. Is she maybe someone they've known was mostly safe but was never able to get them to stick around long enough to take care of them? Either way, the boys get Vash to her, and it starts the process of getting him home and the kids finally staying at the orphanage.

Meryl, Milly, and Lina all end up sneaking away when they realize that Vash is in more trouble than the adults are letting on, trying to go find him, since they know him better than anyone other than Rem and Nai. Eventually, they meet up with Nico and Livio while everyone is trying to avoid federal agents.

Obviously it's lovey-dovey Vashwood and Insurance Girlfriends and Polygun-flavored, but in the "these kids are too oblivious to think about sexy things, yet" sort of way, because I really do headcanon that at least Vash is ace, Wolfwood is probably demi, and also I am not writing children getting intimate like that. >8/ But kids having little crushes on each other is adorable and I can't not have Vashwood and Insurance Girlfriends be the eventual outcome, once those idiots all grow up and get their heads screwed on straight.

Also, because Nai hasn't had a chance to murder everyone, Rem's managed to work with him enough that he's very slowly overcoming his trauma and regaining his ability to trust that he's not in permanent danger. He'll probably grow up to be a Plants Rights activist or something, lbh. Or a politician. But he's not going to murder people, so either way, it's a win/win!

Because Nico's been living on the streets with him, Razlo either hasn't had to manifest as strongly for Livio, or hasn't manifested at all. Livio is still the sweet, shy, crybaby teddy bear we see, and maybe Razlo only comes out when the feds start getting closer and almost managing to grab the kids, and because he's been able to bond with Nico and the other kids so well this time, Livio is close enough to them that the thought of them getting hurt or taken away is enough to make him want to protect their little group instead of just Livio.

Wolfwood absolutely grumbles about how alike Vash and Livio are. Both a couple'a crybabies, geez, what the Hell you two??? But he also is very much a teddy bear who gives the best hugs when one of his little band of gremlins is upset, so he probably spends more time in a cuddle pile than anything else, now that there's two of them to lose their shit at the drop of a hat.

Vash was totally the one very sweet boy in a clique of girls that everyone who'd known him realized, when they were adults looking back, that he was very much the sweet gay kid hanging out with the girls because it was safer to be himself around them than it was to be around the other boys. (This isn't meant as a stereotype of gay kids, this is based on actual kids I grew up with. My friend group honest to God adopted them because we were all a bunch of momma bears.)

Vash is also...not trans? Because he's a Plant and Plants don't work the same way humans do, but he's also not what humans would think of as a cis boy. He expresses a masc presentation, but probably the closest equivalent would be an intersexed kid. Nai, too, tbh, though he's probably more of the "I don't give a fuck" opinion when it comes to his own gender identity. He uses he/him because that's what humans think when they see him, but he doesn't care any deeper than that.

#Trigun #Trigun Stampede #Trigun Maximum #Modern AU #Vashwood #Polygun #Insurance Wives #Random idea ramblings idek I just have this in my head now and I'm going to make it the world's problem! #Also any ideas anyone else might have about this would be fun to hear #I don't know that they'll become part of my own headcanon on this weird little thing but I always love throwing out random ideas with peopl #What even are the Eye of Michael doing in this thing? #IDEK maybe they're the feds chasing the kids down #Also I wouldn't be at all surprised if Nai did a runner on his own after he found out Vash was missing because he needed to go save him #I honestly imagined the whole thing ending up being a media shitstorm #“Young Boy Goes Missing From School Field Trip; News At 10!” #“Is Missing Boy Secretly An Alien From Outer Space?” #“Federal Agents Are Now Searching For Known Delinquent Youth In Case Of Missing High School Boy” #That sort of craziness on the media that makes it impossible to ignore Independent Plants #And starts the entire Plants Rights movement when the truth comes out or something

[fernsnailz]

The ring, the sticker, are they Rouge’s? 🥺

the sticker/pin on shadow definitely is! the ring might be, it can be up to interpretation but the ring was either given to him by someone or it's a wedding ring of some sort.

personally i like to think that shadow and rouge got platonically married purely for tax purposes, so the ring is from that.

#yes i greatly dislike shadouge and yes i also think shadow and rouge get married. imagine the tax break how could they NOT #it's like when you and your high school bestie vow that if you're both not married by 30 you'll marry each other #wait. did anyone else do that or was that just me #fernasks #future lore

[homingpigecns]

this is like a sadgirl pathetic post but this guy i met recently at work was like, very direct and polite in being interested in me and i've been feeling him out bc i literally do not know him well enough to have an opinion but i can't like. he is so normal and nice. hes like a nice normal guy. every time i text him he doesn't say anything weird and he's extremely nice. what the hell. he's literally so nice. WHY. does he like. me???? like what's wrong with him that he specifically is interested in me????

#this is not even a low self esteem thing but shdhsbdhsdh every girl in the world is so pretty . me??? why????? #literally the day i met him & he asked me out i barely spoke to him was mind numbingly stupid and crawled on the floor on multiple occasion #i cant text this guy bc every time i have to answer im like. this guy is so fucking normal. me??? hes interested in me???? WHY???? #everyome i try to convey this to is like :// aww he thinks ur cute. stop overthinking. WHATS WRONG WITH HIM #he specifically asked me out by asking the relief nurse what my name was and she offered to give him my number if i was ok w it #I WAS AT WORK..... I JUST SAID YES...... and i was like ok this probably will not go anywhere. he probably wont even text me #he texted me while i was commuting home literally he was still doing cases........ #did i mention i was digging through garbage. literally he was like sorry the surgeon yelled at u she gets so flustered and ir was like no #she yelled at me bc im stupid. did u not notice that im stupid. this guy -- NORMAL -- literally saw me at my lowest and asked me out...... #brandon oscillates #brandon what abt the guy at work u had a thing for I KNOW. im so torn however sjsbdbdhdbbx we are like actually coworkers #this guy if i see him every now and then in passing occasionally in the same room. that guy is my coworker for real #it cant happen. also dbxshsdhshdhe he has a 9 yr old hes too old for me. idk his relationship status but i dont think hes married. #also hes out of my league. also my other coworker told me he thinks hes gay but that hes closeted but that coworker is filipino so #mildly homophobic. i also told him to never tell anyone else that. i dont think hes gay. whatever. #i will miss my impossible crush as my hobby but this guy is nice and ahdhs its psychopathic to give him my number and then reject his date #can u imagine #whatever. im doing high school now i guess. the relief nurse is sooo proud of herself #shdbbd literally when i came back from lunch that day my scrub was like THE DOCTOR LIKES U!!! #and i was lkke omg really??? she doesnt think im stupid???? but it was this guy. and she did still think i was stupid #u know i have concert tickets for next thursday but shdhsd i literally have had too many experiences this year #i am trying to sell tgem #personal

[okaybutlikeimagine]

Picture this: Eddie and Steve trudging through the Upside Down, walking quite a few paces behind the girls. Eddie circling back around to the subject of music in a nervous attempt to keep things light-hearted because they’re walking through almost-literal-Hell right now and this isn’t doing much good to soothe his anxiety. With every word Steve says- from his confused questioning of heavy rock artists to his confirmation of loving Toto -Eddie looks a little more horrified.

“You’ve gotta listen to people with some stage presence-”

“Who cares about stage presence over the radio?”

“It’s a whole different angry loud beast! Has no one tried to show you the ways of the performance artist?”

Steve’s eyes get distant at that, thinking of another mullet-headed man. Eddie doesn’t quite notice.

“You can even call it glam-rock if you want! I’m sure you like that, Mr. The Hair. It’s all about the theater. Like... Alice Cooper!”

“What… she hot?” Steve asks, suddenly snapping back into it.

“It’s a dude. And he rocks. He sings this song called I Love the Dead and on stage he gets his head chopped off and then the executioner picks up the severed head and makes out-”

“Ew, god that’s gross dude, don’t talk about that-”

“It’s sick and twisted and awesome. It’s all- hold on hold on.”

Eddie gets his hands in position then, posing over a non-existent guitar around his chest as he pretends to play it, more so wailing than singing the words in time with his fake accompaniment.

“I love the dead~”

Steve makes a grossed out face at that.

“I love the dead~”

And in the background, the real guitar starts to fade into the soundtrack, vocals sparking up behind Eddie’s acapella performance.

“I love the dead~” Eddie sings again, getting closer to Steve- to sing it into his ear this time- while Steve shoves at him and tells him to knock it off. That’s when they bump into the girls ahead of them, Steve cussing quietly and asking them what they think they’re doing.

The song is building steadily behind them, a guitar riff wailing as the two boys shift their focus to where the two girls are gawking. Their jaws drop, Eddie being the first to speak:

“Isn’t that?”

“It can’t be-” Nancy whispers.

“Holy shit.” Robin croaks.

And Steve takes a few steps forward, pushing past the girls to stare with wide, shocked eyes at: “Billy?”

And then there stands Billy, backlit for a quick second by a shock of lightning, looking a little worse for wear with his blood-stained shirt, face hardened and hand wrapped tightly around a gnarly looking crowbar, the song in the background now loudly singing I love the dead as he stares the rest of the teens down.... before he cracks an amused but snarling sort of grin.

“Miss me?”

#and all the antis scream NO lmfao #billy hargrove #harringrove #stranger things 4 #stranger things spoilers #writing #why am i so scared to tag literally anyone else #lmfao i came across quite a few antis in the wild the other day scrolling through the eddie tag #lemme wait a bit to #anyway tell me this isn't a scene that could have TOTALLY happened #was thinking about Eddie talking about Ozzy #then thinking about this song by Alice Cooper #and how perfect it is for Who We Thought Was Dead Billy #plus we all know the duffs love to do this thing where they play a song then end the scene on like a little cliffhanger with that song #to scene change to one of 5 other groups of people running around lmfaooo #anyway anyway #this song is real dead dove territory so maybe skip this one for your casual listening pleasure if you haven't heard it already! #i did a report on Alice Cooper's stage performances in high school #it actually made a dude ask me to senior prom even though he had never even spoken to me before #but that's a DIFFERENT story #for another time #also sorry for insinuating Toto doesn't have stage presence #but they're not biting bats heads off now are they??? huh??????? 😂

[eosofspades]

okay so maybe it was just me being ahead of the curve or whatever but like. did anyone else have their ultimate misery / severe depression era during middle school instead of high school?

#mine #mental illness #it is FOUR AM i should NOT BE thinking about this but oh my god #i read something and i just realized that it wasnt just depression i had a full-fucking-blown psychological BREAK when i was 11 #and i need to be up in four hours but now im too pissed to sleep like oh my god i had a FULL PSYCHOLOGICAL BREAK and #STILL none of the adults in my life even noticed i was SAD?? FUCKING HELLO?????? #anyway rant in the tags but also im genuinely asking did this hit anyone else in middle school/ages 11-13 instead of high school #bc all the stuff i see is about how miserable and mentally ill kids in high school are and im absolutely not discounting that #but like. high school was SO MUCH BETTER for me it was fucking PARADISE compared to how deeply fucking hurting i was #throughout all of middle school. like i would relive all my high school years ten times over before i even ONCE had to feel how i felt #from the ages of 11 - 13. high school was FUN for me and i was still very mentally ill going into 9th grade!! #like. okay you know the adhd principle of executive dysfunction where the idea is that DOING the task is easier than STARTING the task #and the analogy that goes like. imagine you had to struggle for hours climbing up the gravel mountain to get to the construction site #so when you finally get there youre like oh thank fuck time to lay some bricks i could do this all DAY #and the guy who drove up the mountain to the work site is all angry and is like man stop bragging about how EASY laying bricks is for you #man its hard work!!!!! and youre like. not as hard as climbing up the damn gravel mountain dude #and whenever i hear people talking about how high school is the worst. i think of that. #yeah man high school is hard. not as hard as suffering through the crushing misery of being 11 though.

[yotd2009]

ok fr last one but there's actually a bootleg of my school's anastasia and i'm linking it bc you all NEED to understand that my infatuation with this one girl's voice which started when i was in the 6th grade and still hasn't really worn off isn't based on nothing

#brielle's the one in the n95 mask (the video is too grainy to actually make out any of the ensemble's faces but she stands out) #and i'm the in my 'teenage tboy's diy first short haircut' era in every scene she's in #apart from everything abt the girl who plays anya. the tea on everyone else is that our director liked the boy who played gleb's voice so #much that she actually lowered some if not all of his parts to be in his range. the guy who played vlad was a total diva and uhm. the phras #'peaked in high school' has been tossed around at him a lot. and the fact that he came back to sub the year after he graduated isn't helpin #his case. also he pressured the girl who played anya's grandmother into wearing old age makeup + spray her hair grey bc he decided he was #going to wear it and since she's supposed to be older than him she had to too and used to waltz into the girls' changing room whenever he #wanted. everyone was like super shocked during auditions though bc we all thought he was a shoe-in for dimitry esp since seniors get #priority casting bc it's their last chance. but at callbacks (we had singing auditions via video and dance auditions in person and callback #were tacked on to the dance auditions) he kinda flubbed his song and then this freshman. who was with us via google meet bc he literally ha #covid at the time absolutely blew him out of the water and i remember walking away w brielle like 'holy shit [first name] [last name] just #lost a part to a freshman' (he's the kind of person you just have to full name otherwise it sounds wrong). that said i do think he made a #much better vlad then he would've made a dimitry and while he is. a lot. he's always been nice to me and i did briefly idolize him and his #stage presence way i did anya's singing voice but that faded when i got into hs and started actually observing his prima donna ways #(the one production we were in together before in middle school we didn't have any scenes together). the girl who played the grandma #actually shouted me out in cast circle and that's the only time that's ever happened to me. also i'm p sure her dad is/was dating someone m #dad and by extension myself work with so that's. Oh My God. like she (the one who works for my dad) brought him w her to a comedy show as i #think her bf but i'm not 100% sure and when he found out what school i went to he mentioned his daughter went there and despite the fact #that i basically have a script for when people ask me that question bc i do NOT pay attention to most of my fellow students and don't know #anyone i was like 'holy shit' bc i actually did. hm what else. the guy who played the tsar and i used to shittalk bad period dramas #backstage during the first part of act 2. also during the press conference scene i need you to picture all the bolshevik soldiers and #romanov royals doing the macarena behind the curtain bc that was absolutely what we were doing back there. speaking of the press conference #the really high singing w/o a clear source was actually anya standing behind the curtain on the other side of the stage bc she's the only #one who physically could sing the part. also in regards to the bolshevik soldiers. we were originally supposed to have wooden rifles but fo #some reason our director took them out so we had to just walk menacingly towards the romanovs. you can't rlly see me that well in that scen #but that jacket would NOT stay closed and for 2/3 performances i had to awkwardly hold it closed the entire time. luckily the one that was #filmed was the one where i was smart enough to bring safety pins and also saved like all of the ballerinas bc their costumes all started #falling apart at once backstage. #romeo.txt #theatreposting

[inklingofadream]

i desperately wish i could post my brother's company t shirts without doxxing myself, they're SO good. it's killing me, but there are literally like 3 employees tops and the office is the owner's garage

#ink post #rambling #also may or may not have been designed by my brother? #he did most of the school shirts his senior year of high school and i can't imagine there's anyone else who could design them #3 is generous i'm 90% sure it's literally his boss and him and occasionally his boss's wife for some of the financials and logistics #and they only have my brother bc he worked in a machine shop for a couple years #AND is literally majoring in designing a wide category of stuff that includes the business' products #AND they're good friends with my parents #and possibly part of the unspoken appeal is that he has a wide social circle of ppl who do not live in our neighborhood #he's v popular and there are probably a half dozen prototypes and initial run completed products in his apt at any given time

[mashmouths]

watching carrie for the first time and had to pause it to have a lil sob break and i'm not even halfway through. what the fuck did they put in this movie.

#i didn't know anything about this movie except the magical autism and the pig blood and OH. OH HOLY SHIT. #sissy put her ENTIRE spaceussy obviously but what is anyone else doing here. why does chris look like my mom did in high school #who the fuck is john travolta #but yeah i hit the line 'i wanna be normal. i wanna try and be a whole person before it's too late for—' and LOST IT #BECAUSE YEAH. YEAH IT REALLY IS. OH MY GOD IT REALLY IS. #n e way . killing myself <3 #carrie (1976) #a post

[fabdante]

I don't know if thereis a limit to those, but here are some for the soft asks 5,7,12,13,18,20,22 my mutual ♥

Hello dear mutual!! There is no limit!

5. Name a movie that makes you genuinely laugh.

Oh difficult question!! I had a good time seeing the Mario Movie

7. What do you enjoy daydreaming about most?

Honestly just like stories and stuff! Either my own or like fan fic type ideas., stuff I want to write or draw in general. I like to think of little scenes and stuff! (It's usually fan fic type stuff)

12. Name a song that makes you feel ethereal.

My Tears Are Becoming A Sea by M83 !

13. What’s your ideal summer aesthetic?

That very specific summer feeling of wandering a hill up the way from the campground you've been staying at, were the trees part into a little clearing between the campground and farmland and the road. And everything is green and there's little wild flowers and an overgrown baseball diamond. It's sunny and there's perfect clouds in the sky. And everything is still for a little while and nothing is expected of you. Everything is changing and nothing is. All your friends are there and that's all that matters just now. You can be everything and nothing and it's nice.

18. Do you believe dreams have meanings or are they completely random?

Yes and no. I think they're largely random and often just some passing thought we had. However that doesn't mean we can't derive meaning from them. Sometimes they can offer a lot of introspection, understanding, and comfort for that reason.

And sometimes they're just like some nightmarish lost episode creepypasta called 'Lois Griffon Flesh House' and you don't even watch Family Guy.

20. What’s the sweetest thing someone has done for you?

One of the sweetest things someone has ever done for me was after my best friend died, my now girlfriend was coming to visit me and stopped to get me a gift to cheer me up. She'd wanted to get me a stuffed animal but couldn't find one where she stopped so she just got me a dog squeaky toy because she thought it would make me feel just a little better and I still think about that all the time.

22. What do you like most about nature?

I think I like most that no matter what we do as humans, dandelions always find a way to grow, so every spring and every summer they're everywhere.

#thank you for the ask!!! #ask #fabtalks #i forgot to tag the last with that asdfghj #anyway did m83 majorly rewrite anyone elses brain in like high school or was it just me #also my girlfriend is so very sweet i love her dearly #also lois griffon flesh house is a very real dream i had and no i do not watch family guy i dont know why i was bestowed with #lois griffon flesh house

[waitinginthecorner]

I'm gonna make myself a cover album of all my fav say anything songs. It'll be great practice and a confidence boost. I love say anything so much. I love max Bemis. He has such a beautiful family and I'm so happy for him

#i dont idolize anyone #but i do hold respect for and connect to my man. max bemis #he shaped my high school experience and lead me to the music i have today #say anything was the first band i liked than no one else i knew did like they were just for me #and they still are #he treads the line of male manipulator and male wife so well. god bless #rambling

[sapphicsupremacist]

some of my brother's friends (who are in grade 12) are sending me pics of them doing the milk chug,, my brothers in christ I do not want to watch you chug an entire bag of milk and then throw up <3

#personal #did anyone else's high school do the milk chug in grade 12 or is this a fucked up rural ontario thing??

[chiisana-lion]

hm

#dunno what caused this but ive just been getting really scared and stupidly worried lately #sometimes i think about how i could lose someone at any moment and i might not even know #just stuck there waiting for some kind of answer for someone who wont and cant come back #and it really. terrifies me #my friends are everyhing to me and i just want them all to be okay always #and especially my best friend. if anything were to happen to him i really dont know what i'd do #i tell him and everyone else how much i love them all the time every time i can because what if they were to disappear and leave one day #and we didnt really leave off on a good note #not like i think that might happen anytime soon but just. what if #i love my friends. so much. i cant even put into words how much they mean to me and how theyve helped me get through this hell ive been #going through these past couple of years or so #maybe im annoying and talkative and sensitive and stuff. but the fact thwy still somehow like me the same is really #dunno man in elementary & middle school i lived shamelessly and yet im sure that for every friend i had there was like 5 kids who hated me #and towards high school i essentially was constantly on edge making sure i dont cause trouble for anyone because hey why should i bother #when none of them would really see me for me. just that quiet kid who draws in the corner and doesnt particularly fit in #the novelty of having a new kid transfer in lasted for like a month tops that time when everyone realized i was actually boring as hell #not into celebrities dont listen to mainstream music not interested in guy talk etc etc #i did meet a couple kids with similar interests at some point but im sure they were more casual fans and not absolutely obsessed as i am #and i feel like my sudden energy when talking about it and running my mouth w that topic kinda put them off #so i just. keep everything to myself #so really finding people who actually do like me and enjoy my rambles and i can hwar then ramble in return #and play games or talk abt our silly blorbos with is just. damn this is way more than i deserve isnt it #and i really feel like that could all just. fall apart at some point #and thats the last thing i want #but honestly #i dont mind if they grew to hate me. ill still love them nonetheless. just please dont leave me behind i cant go through that again #might delete this later im just kind of. yeah #sorry to anyone who reads this im kind of going through it

[fingertipsmp3]

I am once again sad that a person I bonded with in a dream is not real

#ALEX. where are you and who are youuuu #okay so the dream was crazy. like.. coherent by my usual standards but still ridiculous #i was back at high school but was the age i am now & i was attending a class in ‘business and employment’ which was supposed to help us all #get jobs and learn skills. but in reality the vast majority of the people in the class (including myself) were in mlm schemes #(multi-level marketing before anyone gets confused with the acronym) #myself and the entirety of my high school friend group (about 8 or 9 people) formed the largest faction and we were selling fragrances #for exactly the sort of company you would expect. anyway. i’d been elected manager even though someone else in the group (who actually sells #this shit irl lol) had recruited me & another person’s mom had invested money into it so that none of us had to actually buy inventory #and i was so uncomfortable and ashamed. i was like ‘okay i’ll just do this for a month and then bounce so i can at least get work/management #experience’. so i was very much checked out when everyone was brainstorming ideas for how to come up with a brand & sell it #the only thing i did notice is that there was this guy named alex who was pretty much reporting us whenever we breathed. an example would be #we wanted to call ourselves ‘lions’ but apparently that was the name of an lgbt society in the area that was important to him #so he complained to the teacher/facilitator about us and we couldn’t use lions. and our whole group was complaining about him #but i was thinking ‘fuck i hope he gets us shut down’. he seemed like a nice guy and the stuff people started saying was borderline #homophobic so i had to be the one to shut them down like ‘hey i’m bi as well and i’m your fucking manager. any more of that and you can find #yourself a new job’ #so anyway. next thing that happened was the facilitator was like ‘okay we seem to have pretty much been taken over by mlm schemes BUT here #is a list of people in the class who do not want to be recruited & their reasoning. just so you can take note’ and she does a presentation #of course it starts with alex and his ideological opposition to mlms; but there are other people like a girl who has a large academic #workload. but it becomes apparent that alex is the one who rallied them all together to spread dissent. so i went over to talk to him #(for some reason he was now hiding in a tent) and i was like ‘yes alex!!!! can i shake your hand?’ and he was puzzled but he let me #then i stood up and said ‘can i just say something. everyone has great reasons for not wanting to be recruited and as a manager; i want to #say that if i catch any of my employees trying to recruit anyone on the do not recruit list for any reason; you will be fired immediately’ #of course this causes a schism. but it also causes me and alex to end up having a heart-to-heart where he’s like ‘why are you even part of #one of these things’ and i’m like ‘honestly i just want legitimate work experience’ and he’s like ‘i can think of so many more legitimate #jobs. including like. fly-tipping. i’d rather have that on my cv than scentsy’ and i was like ‘you’re so right’ #and then i woke up thinking ‘god i’m going to have to go door to door selling this shit’ but then i realised i actually didn’t #and i was so happy #it has motivated me to go back to job-hunting though because my god. #that five minutes when i thought i was going to have to traverse the neighbourhood dressed like an idiot and selling wax melts? bleak.

[our-lady-of-mcr]

.

#also god bless my friend who pointed out that im moving up and im going to be in a salon soon and will actually be doing something good with #my life vs the friend who did me this way pretending shes still in high school that freaks out and loses all her friends every 6 months #i wish it didnt bother me. and i know in 2 months im going to have brushed it off and move on like i always do when bad shit happens #but for the wound being fresh this shit just fucking sucks i hate it i hate it i hate it #i made a very very very vague post on reddit just asking for advice #and the more popular reply was someone more on my side who basically said i should tell her to go fuck herself pretty much #and the second one was someone who v obviously did not actually read the post who said it was all fluff and basically defended her even #when in my post i am saying i defended myself while still listening to the shit she says #and i fucking hate reddit bc people are so.....quick to be hateful and judge #and i knew to expect people being hateful but god DAMN like you yourself are basically saying theres not enough info (yes there was) and you #still are quicker to assume im in the wrong #meanwhile everyone who knows her is like bitch we told you to not forgive her last time and now look where you are #and i am not a perfect person i have flaws the same way everyone else does. literally everyone has said and done shit they regret #and i have fucked her over before because she lost her fucking mind on a campus manager and an educator and she told me to find my own ride #home because i didnt defend her losing her shit and screaming at everyone and ended up having to write an incident report (so did the other #girls who watched it happen so nOT just me) anyways now she uses that as an excuse for treating me like fucking trash because she finally #found out about the god damn incident report which made it so now anyone can say i said anything and she just believes it #its such a fucking joke to me because like ????? girl if we were in opposite positions you would have filled out the fuckin report too #granted it was a handwritten letter and not a report but it was basically the exact same thing as an incident report #my bad that a year ago i wrote a letter saying i was scared you know where i live and that youre mentally unstable. funny how a year later i #feel the same way all over again! except i dont because im not scared of her anymore shes a fucking theater kid who needs to get a grip #i cant wait to look at my self tag again in 2 years and be like DAMN REMEMBER WHEN THAT HAPPENED #every single person who knows her that isnt friends with her (i am basically refusing to text her friends bc i dont even want to know) #keeps telling me i didnt do anything wrong and ive given her too many chances and she fucks me each time #i just wish she would go get help bro there is something so wrong with her #self

[be-good-to-bugs]

i need to go to bed but i dont wannnaaaaa

#the bin #i work at 7am and its 1:23 am i have GOT to go to bad but ugh. if i go to bed then that means ill have to go to work as sokn as im conscious #so the longer i stay up the more time i have. but km gonna be so tired at work. hhhhh. #i dont know why but ive felt so horrible today. super anxious. miserable and really sad #im trying to just deal with it. soon enough things are gonna change. its only 34 days till my planned moving date. i will only bave like 20 #more shifts at this job. maybe less depending on what i get given. including tomorrows shift. and tomorrows shift is only 5 hours long #and the day after its only 4 hours and then i have 2 more days off. itll be ok. but i still feel so anxious and depressed and awful #i just wanna stay home and be high all the time. i feel so lonely always. literally the only thing that helps me not feel completely crushed #and paralyzed by how lonely i am is getting high. i know its not healthy to rely on getting high to feel better about stuff but idk what #else to do so who cares. when i dont do anything about it i i stead end up relapsing or worse so i think its an ok option #i hope i can meet nice people this year. year after year it doesnt happen but so much has changed! #it makes sense i havent met people since i moved out. and everything is so different from wwhen i last lived with them #all my siblings are in school. they have people over at the hair a fair bit afaik. my dad wont be there to me make feel awful. my sister #also wont be there to me me feel awful. i can figure something out. itll be ok. it has to be. #i just want to squeeze someone. i just want like. a hug. a good cuddle. and i need to talk to someone. its been so long since u had an actul #fun time hanging out with another person. i need to watch a movie with someone and joke around and. ugh. #how did my life reach this point? what happened that resulted in me spending ages 10-19 all alone. im not even 19 yet but i will be soon #and theres not a chance ill meet someone before then esp bc im moving. when i was little i didnt have mych friends but i had some #i had such high hopes for the future. i also thought the future would be terrible but i imagined id still have friends and peopwl to talk to #all ive wanted sincei was 10 is just to have people to talk to and hangout with. but i dont have a single friend. i can hardky name anyone #besides my family and coworkers. and like aa couple of my sisters friends. there isnt even like people i know who i dont really consider #friends but we talk sometimes. if i dont go to work. call my mom. or tex a sibling. i dont see or talk to anyone period #i guess unless i go to the store. that doenst really count tho. #i want to have a friends group. i want to have A friends. just like. a person. to interact with. what happened that made mw spend the past #8 years just not interacting with anyone? whats wrong with me. #its fine tho. becausebit will change. i acan heal from this and i can meet people. even if half my conscious life has been spent all alone #it will get better. it has to.