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mittensmorgul · 3 years

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So for the most part, I outright reject the finale. But I do think, in light of the whole "Jimmy was supposed to be in the bar, and Dean was disappointed by that because his perfect heaven would have Cas in it" just makes me all the more convinced that the final episode was some kind of djinn dream. Like.... There's no other explanation in my opinion. If Dean's perfect heaven was supposed to have Cas, and he tragically gets faked out by Jimmy (????? Why tf would jimmy be there anyway), it just proves that it's not ACTUALLY heaven. That, along with he El Sol beer he's drinking is all the evidence I need. I think after 15x19, Dean and Sam got whammied by some monster, and are stuck in a hallucination, and that's what we're seeing. (My headcanon is that it's actually The Empty doing it, because it knows if it doesn't keep Dean and Sam occupied and spinning in circles, they'll invade the Empty to save Cas. So its trying to prevent that) :)

Hello, anon friendo! I am gonna start by offering the socially distanced version of a high five, because yeah... There is just so much to unpack here, and you provided such a succinct and all-encompassing series of statements to start from. Thank you!

*flings open array of questionable suitcases*

First off, Congrats on having rejected the finale. I know a lot of folks are still struggling with that one, for many reasons. But you have hit upon so many of the points I’ve been trying to make about the finale since it aired. I’d just like to start with some of the assumptions I’ve heard from folks about the finale that make it impossible for me to consider it fully honestly canon. Because so much about it just makes no goshdang sense... like... not at all...

One of the biggest issues I have surrounding the reception of the finale in parts of fandom is that it portrayed a “happy ending.” The show itself spent the entire final season telling us that a gravestone marked Winchester was not and never would be a happy ending (thank you Becky Rosen-- words I never thought I’d say, but honestly and most sincerely meant). Let’s break this down a bit.

Starting from the assumption that “heaven was fixed” so that characters could have true free will there, making it satisfying in any way that Dean died so young and never got to truly experience happiness during life, I would like anyone who has adopted this attitude to then explain Kansas the band. I mean... explain that in any satisfactory canon-compliant way. (hint: you can’t. it makes zero sense in canon, if heaven is truly reformed and “happy” with everyone in possession of free will.)

Which brings me to Misha’s comments about Jimmy being in the Roadhouse. Why, if heaven were truly fixed, would Jimmy ever in a bazillion years attend a party for Dean Winchester? If Heaven were truly a “happy” ending for Dean, why introduce this element of eternal tragedy and heartbreak to his heaven experience? Why taunt him with the eternal loss of Cas-- even if you don’t think he reciprocated Cas’s romantic feelings, he was canonically the best friend Dean ever had, and being forced to exist forever in a place where he had everyone else he ever cared for except for Cas? Is frankly horrific.

How the actual fuck is that a happy ending, in any sense of the word?

How is this the sort of heaven that Dean would’ve made for himself before it was “fixed?” At least in the memorex heaven, he could’ve lived in oblivious peace with Cas, even if it was always just his own memories and not ~actually Cas~. I honestly think that would’ve been happier than the abject tragedy of what we did get, and what we would’ve gotten had the original script played out.

All of this kind of makes me wonder if they ever even actually defeated Chuck. Like... it feels more like Dean got pulled into the Empty at that moment with Cas and Billie, and everything else after that point was the Empty’s endless experience of sorrow and despair we knew it subject its charges to. So that’s one potential for what could’ve actually happened. I mean, everything about the finale was sorrow and despair, you know? Dean didn’t even get to enjoy his pie at a pie festival because Sam smashed in in his face. How is any of it happy, in any way?

Because if that was actually heaven, there wasn’t actually any free will (because why tf would Kansas the band have chosen to put on that concert? why tf would Jimmy have been there, just to torment Dean with the taunt of Cas returning to him only to have that hope snatched away again? It’s cruel. It’s, in fact, a source of intense despair).

The djinn theory could also work, and I’ve read some excellent fix-it fic using that as a premise. But that doesn’t really explain what happened to Jack (and Amara, since she was in there with them) after hoovering up Chuck’s power, you know? I think the simplest explanations in canon are that Chuck actually won via the unified power of Light and Dark being transferred into Jack and effectively using him as a vessel. With Sam and Dean convinced they’d won, they effectively stopped resisting Chuck’s story for them, and using Jack’s understanding of humanity and the Winchesters specifically, Chuck finally was able to implement a version of his story that the Winchesters would just waltz into without thinking it was supernaturally influenced at all. Going bigger and bigger with monsters and cosmic troubles hadn’t worked, but going so small Sam and Dean would barely even notice the influence-- even with the incongruous reappearance of a vampire that appeared in their lives once, for like two whole minutes 15 years ago, and an unsolved case from the journal from more than 30 years ago that John had never even linked to vampires at all.

At this point, I need to mention that I’m watching 10.23 as I type this up. An episode in which we confront the Mark, along with Death, and Dean’s despair, where he learns a version of the truth (but by no means the full truth, or even accurate truth in some respects) about Chuck’s Story, Amara/The Darkness, etc. That would unfold more fully over the next five seasons. And what was the case Dean took in this episode? Vampires. LOLOL omg this show is nothing if not horrifically consistent, yes?

So because of this, I went haring off through my own blog looking for a post I made a long time ago about the symbolism of how various monsters are used on this show (because again, consistency). I got sidetracked by other posts in my monsters tag, including this from after 15.09 aired, which feels particularly awfully relevant. This was my reaction to Chuck’s Story he showed Sam in that episode, about what the future would look like should he successfully trap Chuck with a Mark, and which... yeah is basically exactly thematically consistent with what we saw in the finale, right down to a cheesy twist on vampires. Read the whole post right here, but this is the part that reached up and punched me in the face:

this is how Dean personally reacts when he loses Cas. We know how he reacts when he loses anyone else– think about what he did when Charlie died. He went on a murder rampage against the Stynes for killing her. When Mary died he broke some furniture and went full bore toward both resurrecting her and stopping Jack. But without Cas, Dean loses the will to fight. Sam has… always been different. He referenced Jess in 15.04 to remind us of how he was after she died in the pilot episode. Just like John, he picked up the revenge mission and ran with it. But for Dean, Cas is different. Without Cas… Dean gives up.

Because... Dean gave up. Sure, he and Sam weren’t overrun by vampires in the end. Chuck knew they’d never stop fighting the monsters, one way or another. The only way to get Dean to give up is something Chuck hadn’t quite figured out yet... maybe not until after 15.17, after confronting Cas in the hallway of the bunker, after absorbing Amara’s power, knowledge, and perspective on Dean.

Chuck needed Dean to give up, and honestly? Pushing Billie to clear him off the table and send him (and Cas, that pesky angel who never did what he was told) to the Empty would’ve been a direct way to deal with that... pretty much akin to having one sibling locked in a cage forever, yes?

Also, still looking through my monsters tag, I’m reminded of 14.15, and still cannot differentiate the version of Heaven in 15.20 from what was done to the people of that town. This... is not... paradise. This is actively what Dean has been insisting is the OPPOSITE of paradise since like… 4.22… No ending where Dean was a “Stepford bitch in paradise” ever had the possibility of being “happy,” at the core of things, and this “fixed” version of Heaven just doesn’t hold up to any degree of inspection. Something is seriously wrong here. https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/183465650390/so-can-we-talk-about-this-monster-of-the-week-for

And since I was unable to find the post I wrote who knows how long ago about Monsters and how they’re symbolically used on Supernatural to represent larger themes in the episode, I’ll just attempt to sum up what Vampires have been used for. Revenge. Vampires are always, in some way connected to themes of revenge.

(and hooray, I found at least a post adjacent to the one I’ve spent the last four hours trying to find... https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/187207052080/i-obviously-did-not-think-this-through, where I mention that shapeshifters are about revealing hidden truths (mostly about Dean since most shapeshifters are connected to Dean), zombies are about grief and the inability to move past it.)

So why... why at the end of their road is the monster that comes after them-- literally FOR REVENGE for something that had never been blamed on Sam or Dean to begin with, from season 1, directly connected to John’s revenge mission and the first time they learned about the Colt AND the first time they learned in canon that Vampires were even real... like... this feels very specifically like some kind of layers-of-meta levels of shade on them, you know? Vampires are for revenge, so what vengeance exactly is being visited upon Sam and Dean in this episode? If not Chuck’s entire story for them itself?

So yeah, 100% agree, something is incredibly rotten in the finale. And I am sick to effing death of people trying to convince us that anything about this was “good” or “happy” or “satisfying” in any way. Or even “how it was always supposed to end” with Dean dead bloody, as if the entire back half of the series hadn’t been suggesting that a true win was the subversion of all of Chuck’s story for them, and Dean finally being able to have his chosen family all alive, happy, and chilling on a beach somewhere watching the sunset. Nothing will ever convince me that the ending portrayed in 15.20 wasn’t exactly how Chuck thought he “won,” rendering it entirely irrelevant to the rest of canon, unless all of canon was ultimately the tragedy we’d been encouraged to believe would be firmly defeated in the end.

Folks, you can’t have it both ways.

#spn 15.20 #chuck's process #if this was the 'happy' ending for dean they sure did fail big time to make it actually happy!#it makes me feel sick thinking that dean's happy heaven ending was more like an eternal pit of torment #like actively tormenting him and taunting him with the fact that cas was truly gone forever #like wow they went all the fuck out to make it clear that even in heaven #dean would never be allowed to respond to cas's declaration of love #like... it's the most hurtful and hateful thing the show could possibly have done to us #and it still fucks me up knowing there's people who think this heaven was a 'good' ending for dean #like... fuck that entirely and with extreme prejudice #i feel like i have not been emphatic enough about my absolute hatred for this episode in these tags #but sadly there are limitations to expressing the actual feelings i'm feeling in the english language #sometimes the only effective word for these feelings involves velociraptor screeching #Anonymous

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freckles-and-wings · 3 years

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Transcript from Misha Collins M&G at #DLConline

“Cas has meant a great deal to many, especially LGBT fans have seen themselves in him over the years. So now that he has confessed his love for Dean, and seemingly come out, how do you feel about his confession?”

I feel mostly good about it. I talked to Berens, about this ending, a year and a half ago. It was a long time in the making. It was really important to him and really important to me. When he pitched me the storyline it gave me chills. I thought - this is awesome. This vindication and this expression of love - at the end - it makes it all worth it. I was really happy about it. You know, it’s interesting, there are some fans who are asexual who have taken solace in the fact that Cas hasn’t made this kind of declaration [before] so I feel bad that those fans might get a little bit alienated. However, I’m sure that a lot of them are also okay with this. There’s a trope in Hollywood of “kill the gays” and so Cas meeting with his demise only seconds after making this homosexual declaration of love fits into that fairly insidious trope, however, for some reason, that is, in my mind, not really as important as the declaration itself. I completely understand people being upset over that. I think that, in the end, of Supernatural, everyone is going to die. I’ve always known that, that’s not a spoiler, I’ve always known that, it’s how the show has to end. But how they die and what quality that death takes has resonance and importance in the Supernatural universe. I think… In the end, that won’t prove to be the lasting point of Castiel’s. I know the intention in the crafting of the story wasn’t to use the “kill the gays” trope. Could Cas have lived in the space of having made that declaration in relation to Dean for longer before dying? Perhaps. But there’s something so dramatically poignant about that particular moment and that particular exit… I don’t know, I’m now getting a little bit too heavy about it.

“I’m still seeing a lot of people online saying ‘oh no, that was totally platonic’. Misha, did you play it as romantic love, does that terminology even make sense for an angel?”

I was actually gonna write an op-ed about the character’s end. Then I decided not to, because I don’t really want the fictional narrative to be dictated by my analytical take on it. I want the story to live and breathe on its own for people to interpret as they want to interpret it. I could just lay down the line and say, “No, this is how it is… Your interpretation is wrong”. I know what Cas is thinking. I know what was going on in my head as I played that scene. I don’t think it was ambiguous. But there is… I guess I’m about to do what I said I wasn’t gonna do… I will say… We’ve always said, “People can interpret this however they want to interpret this. This is a work of fiction”. But I think we did things, we said things that were pretty unequivocal. There’s of course the whole issue of him being an angel, he’s an energetic being from a multidimensional… Or whatever that line was that Ben Edlund wrote about Cas. You know. What does that mean for an entity such as Cas? I suppose one could go down that intellectual rabbit hole. But I think we know what was going on there.

When do you think Cas knew he was in love with Dean? When did you know? Was it at the same time?

I mean… I’ve been playing it for a while. But I knew this was the ending for more than a year of shooting. I knew where the arc was taking us for that time. So Cas certainly knew it for at least a year. But… But you know, it also is an interesting thing to observe. He says, “The one thing I want is the one thing I can’t have” and I think repression is a very powerful tool. I think a lot of people live under such tightly-held repression. They don’t allow themselves to admit things. Often. In the real world. To an extent, that was happening with Cas. That’s my guess.

Did you have a discussion with Jensen about what the reaction would be?

I wish that I remembered more clearly the conversations that Jensen and I had about the ending. I don’t have a really vivid memory of that unfortunately. I do know that I was a little worried because I knew what the ending was long before he did and I think I was a little worried that he was gonna push back on it. If Jensen were to flip out, and said, “We’re not doing that”, we would have not been able to do it. I also think it was very honest to Dean’s character. I actually thought that was a very true [reaction].

If we had a chance to see it, how do you think Dean would have responded?

I don’t know. I honestly don’t know. We never discussed that. To be honest, I don’t think Dean reciprocated with romantic love. This is me speculating. I feel like I’m wading into waters I shouldn’t. This is my take, it’s not Cas’ take because Cas doesn’t know. I don’t know what’s going on in Dean’s head. I shouldn’t speculate. It wasn’t a contingent declaration. It wasn’t “I need you to love me back”, it was a very open-hearted, vulnerable and unconditional declaration.

What was reaction when you heard about the confession scene?  My reaction was “Awesome”. I mean, my first reaction, when Bobo pitched me the idea, was “Oh my god”. I had chills. I was very happy. When I read the first draft… The first draft didn’t have the punch that it needed. I gave some notes. But I was still very happy that we were doing what we were doing.

#misha collins #dlconline #deancas #destiel #spn #i can't share the video as everyone is shown on screen #plus it's technically forbidden #but you can buy the video #or hit me up if you want me to pass on the wetransfer link #anyway i feel like this might help offer some closure #and hearing misha's take just warms my heart #also dean is bi and loves cas back #they run heaven together now #that will be all

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megexpress · 3 years

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i find this ‘it’s up for interpretation’ rhetoric so tired and odd. the confession was called The Confession™ for a reason. it was a confession of romantic love. it was written that way, it was discussed prior to filming that way, and it was filmed that way. the actor (misha, the only one in the cast who should have a say in what cas feels) has stated that it was a declaration of love. other actors on the show have said they’ve always known that cas was in love with dean. there is no room to interpret this in any other way and to do otherwise is a disservice not only to cas as a character but to misha collins’ work (as well as to everyone who had to fight for this to occur in the first place). it’s so wild (but not unsurprising) to me that they allowed this to air and yet it is still being treated like a taboo and altogether dirty subject.

w all of the revival teasing... will they even address The Confession™? because to me, a revival can go one of two ways: 1) destiel never interact in the revival; or 2) they’re forced to address cas’ confession. i can’t see the first option happening at all but right now i’m just too frustrated to not include it as an option. logically, good writing would indicate addressing cas’ confession (which is why we all clowned ourselves into thinking cas would be in the finale but when has bad writing ever stopped spn, right?). i can’t see misha allowing them to redact the confession and spinning it to be platonic. which leaves dean’s response. and jackles whose opinion on destiel swings from pro- to anti- faster than a pendulum (i will clutch onto “dean has no taste apparently” with all my might, though - not sorry, texan man, but you flippantly confirmed bi!dean so my bisexual hands grabbed and ran with it). he has avoided saying what dean feels for cas and sticking to that “interpretation” line which, sigh, but come the revival, there is no way that “interpretation” will be good enough. it’s gonna have to be answered one way or another. you can’t have cas tell dean he loves him and just... not have dean say something in response, whatever that response may be. i don’t think he is allowed to say what dean feels so he tries to be as impartial as possible, thus leading to him putting his foot in his mouth. (think of it in the same vein as misha saying “i’m not supposed to talk about this” - they aren’t allowed to theorize or headcanon but to only speak about concrete canon, except, you know, when it is about the confession, smh).

this is definitely tl;dr and i don’t even know what the purpose of this was but i feel like i needed to rant for a bit. so, succinctly: the “open to interpretation” line is here to stay until the revival occurs where dean will have to respond to cas, one way or another.

#destiel #does this make any sense? idk i've been listening to #zombie by the cranberries all day to get out of my headspace #which has been negative ever since some giant opened his mouth #it always boils down to: why did they have to get jackles approval?#WHY did they have to ask if it was okay for cas to be in love w dean #if dean didn't reciprocate? that's where this disconnect originates.#idk i feel like jackles could give an insightful answer if allowed.#that fan interaction he had made me so happy after the shitshow #but misha & alex's panel today was the real medicine i needed.#can you believe we're gonna have to deal w this shit all over #again on THEE november 5th? i'm already dreading it.#maybe i should just stay off of twitter that day. it won't be fun.

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atc74 · 4 years

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Out of This World

Warnings: Cas dream walking Dean’s dreams...again, pining, mentions of group sex, Destiel, M/M, anal fingering, voyeurism, M/M sex, M/F sex...there is a lot of sex

Summary: Dean experiences something in a dream he never considered, not in real life anyway. Then an angel changed all that.

Pairing: Destiel

Word Count: 1710

A/N: The fifth *and yes, final) installment of A Whole New World, in which there a lot, like an obscene amount of sex, of all kinds. Unbeta’d, all mistakes, and limb placement, are my own.

After another two rounds and more orgasms in a single day than he can remember, Dean fell into the other bed. Sam, Y/N, and Cas were sprawled in the other bed, sleeping soundly. He replayed the conversation with Y/N over in his mind, wondering if Cas really felt that way about him. Dean always knew he was curious about men, but had never taken it further than porn, fantasies, and his own self-exploration. But now, as he tried to fall asleep, his best friend, the angel, was all he could think about.

He let his mind drift where it desired as sleep took over. The last image he saw was bright blue eyes in the darkness.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas appeared suddenly before him, startling Dean. He bolted upright, unsteady, and tumbled to the earth. He looked up, and the first thing Dean noticed was Cas’s eyes, bright and shining in the midday sun, mimicking the sky above them. He looked around, taking in their surroundings. Soft sand between his toes and waves crashing in the distance.

“Where are we?” Dean asked, brushing the sand from his body as he stood and adjusting his sunglasses.

“You tell me, Dean. We’re in your dream,” Cas smiled, his eyes squinting in the brightness.

Looking for anything familiar, Dean turned, but the beach was vast, open, and empty, save Cas, himself, and his trusty green cooler. He bent down, flipped the lid open, and smiled. “Yahtzee!” Dean pulled two beers from inside, twisting the tops off and passing one to the angel.

“I don’t know where we are, Cas. But this ain’t bad. It’s been so long since I’ve had anything but nightmares, I’ll take a deserted beach,” Dean smiled.

Cas sipped the cold beer and admired the form of this human. They had just spent hours naked and taking turns fucking Y/N to the point of delirium, but seeing Dean relaxed and bronzed in the sun, wearing nothing but a pair of swim shorts, was possibly even more enticing.

Two chairs materialized and they settled into them. “Ahhh.” Dean sighed, sinking further into the canvas, his eyes closed as he sipped from the beer. His thoughts rambled in his head, thinking about what he wanted to say to Cas if anything.

“We’re friends, right, Dean?” Cas broke the silence and Dean’s train of thought with his gravelly baritone.

“Best friends, Cas.”

“You know you can tell me anything, right?”

“I know that.” Dean scoffed as if he wasn’t aware. There are things he’d told Cas that he had never even told his brother.

“Okay.” Cas settled back in his chair as well, mirroring Dean.

“Damn, is it hot out here!” Dean no sooner opened his mouth than a wide umbrella appeared above them, shading them from the scorching rays. “Ahhhh, that’s more like it.”

“You know what else is hot?” Cas asked, sitting up and locking his eyes on Dean’s chest, smooth and glistening with a layer of sweat, scarred from years of hunting, but no less attractive to the angel.

“What’s that, buddy?” Dean asked casually, as if this was really just a day at the beach, just a beer between friends.

“The afternoon we spent with Y/N and your brother,” Cas answered openly as he tended to do.

“Yeah, that was pretty spectacular,” Dean smiled fondly, looking over at the angel.

“You were pretty spectacular, Dean. I learned and experienced many things today,” he contemplated.

“I heard you got to experience both Y/N and Sammy, in her body, and your own. So tell me, what was your favorite part?” Dean looked expectantly at Cas.

“I think my favorite part is the one thing I’ve yet to experience today, and that is you,” he admitted.

“Me? What - what, uh, what exactly does that mean Cas?” Dean gulped, wishing and hoping for one thing, but also apprehensive of the same.

“I noticed you bend at Sam’s command today, and I was wondering, well, hoping really, if you would do the same for me,” Cas elaborated.

“Cas, you’re the only angel I’ll ever say yes to,” Dean answered truthfully, his gaze flicking between the angel’s mouth and lips. He leaned forward and closed his eyes as their lips grew nearer.

~*~

Gasping, Dean bolted upright in the spare bed, still naked, fully erect, and no longer alone.

“Good, you’re awake. It wouldn’t have felt right if you weren’t,” the deep voice next to him murmured. Cas’s hand cupped Dean’s jaw as he pressed his full lips to the hunter’s.

Dean’s body was hyper-alert as he returned the kiss, moaning into the angel’s mouth. He didn’t know Cas could kiss like this, but it made his toes curl, and his cock twitch. Dean leaned into Cas, tilting his head and allowing the angel to deepen it, their tongues tangling as he let Cas explore his mouth. Breathing heavily through his nose, he wrapped his arms around the firm body next to him, pulling him in closer, their cocks grazing each other.

“Cas,” Dean panted, breaking the kiss. “I’ve wanted this, you, for so long. I was just too scared to admit it, and what it might mean.”

“Dean, I’ve been yours all along, I just needed you to be ready. You’re mine. It was cemented when I raised you from perdition,” Cas declared, placing his right hand on Dean’s left shoulder, just like he did so many years ago.

“I’m yours, Cas,” Dean whispered.

“I know.” Cas reached for the lube, squirting a large amount in his hand, and placed it between Dean’s cheeks.

The coolness of the lubricant on his heated skin caused a hiss to escape his swollen lips but quickly turned into a moan as Cas spread the slickness over his hole, a finger slipping inside. “Oh fuck, Cas, shit.” Dean had never been with a man like this, but he knew how to pleasure himself. This was not like that. This was so much more than Dean could ever have anticipated.

His body was humming and they had barely started. His cock, leaking precum, bobbed with every movement of Cas’ finger. Dean spread his legs even further, lifting his head, watching the angel open him up. Cas added a second finger and Dean’s vision blurred.

“I’m going to take good care of you, Dean,” Cas whispered sweet nothings, licking the outer shell of his ear as he pumped two fingers into the hunter. “Gonna make you feel so good.”

“You learn how to talk like that from Y/N and Sammy?” Dean gasped, Cas grazing his prostate.

“I told you I learned many things today. Do you like it?” Cas asked, adding yet another finger. “Are you going to be good for me Dean?”

“Yes, I love it, Cas. I’ll be good, so good for you,” Dean panted, his eyes slamming shut at the onslaught of pleasure the angel was bringing him. A warmth spread across his nipples, tingling. “Ohhhh, yes!”

“Shh, Dean. We don’t want to wake Y/N and your brother,” the angel reminded him. “Or do you?”

“No, I’ll be quiet. Please, Cas. I need you to fuck me already.”

“So needy for me already.” Cas withdrew his fingers and added more lube to his hand, slicking up his cock before lining up with Dean’s stretched out hole. “Keep your eyes on me, Dean. I want you to see everything.”

Dean nodded, unable to speak as Cas breached his entrance. He fought to keep his eyes open, keeping contact with the cobalt orbs as they stared into his, Cas pushing further into his body until he was fully sheathed inside his heat. He had never experienced anything like this before. It was too much, yet not enough. No toy he owned, no matter how fat or long, could ever make him feel like this. Only his angel could make him feel this way.

“Cas,” the name fell from Dean’s lips over and over, like a prayer.

“Come for me, Dean.”

Unable to hold back, unable to disobey, Dean’s body flooded with pleasure, his white seed coating his chest and stomach, as Cas continued to pound into the hunter. Each thrust causing the hunters cock to expel another load. “Fuck! Cas!”

The primal scream erupted from Dean’s lips woke the occupants of the other bed. Y/N and Sam were now wide-eyed, watching Dean take everything Cas had to give him, alighting their own arousal. After what had already transpired in the room between the four of them earlier, neither hesitated as Sam moved her body where they had the best view, entering her from behind.

Cas took his time and his movements were fluid as he thrust into the hunter, who responded willingly, his legs wrapped around the angel’s narrow hips. “Dean, I’m close. I want you to come with me.”

“Yes, fuck! Cas, yes!”

“Oh shit, baby, I’m gonna come.” Sam gasped, pumping faster into Y/N’s slick pussy.

“Come now!” Cas commanded, a sly smile on his face, and the room erupted in screams of pleasure as each of it’s four occupants reached their climax as ordered.

“Holy fuck, what the hell was that?” Dean groaned, melting bonelessly into the mattress.

“I used my grace,” Cas explained, pulling Dean’s spent body closer to him.

“On all of us?” Sam questioned.

“Yes, you did angel,” Y/N cooed from the other bed.

“Fuck, that was awesome.” Sam concurred.

“We are so doing that again,” Dean yawned.

“I would not be opposed,” Cas replied.

“So, Dean, how was it?” Y/N grinned wickedly, watching her two best friends.

“Out of this world. Like, probably the best sex I’ve ever had, Y/N. No offense,” Dean confessed.

“None taken, baby. Now get some sleep.” Y/N yawned, rolling back into Sam’s side.

“An out of this world experience? The best sex you’ve ever had, huh?” Cas asked smugly.

“Yeah, Cas. It has definitely been a day of firsts,” Dean smiled sleepily, drifting off in the angel’s arms.

“And many more. Rest well, Dean. You’re going to need it.” Cas pressed a kiss to the sleeping hunter’s lips. In his millennia, Cas had never felt so much. It truly was an out of this world feeling.

Did you like it? The nicest thing you can do for a writer is reblog their work and tell them, and others, how much you like it!

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cover art by me, pic credits to @irensupernatural (via deviantart.com)

#destiel smut #dean x cas #dean x cas smut #destiel #supernatural fanfiction

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arcticfox007 · 3 years

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The Bishop’s Wife

Destiel December Challenge 2020

Day 12: Cookies

Thanks to everyone who has been leaving kudos, comments, hearts, and reblogging. It means so much to know people are enjoying these!

If you’ve never seen the movie mentioned in this, I’d suggest checking it out if you get a chance. There is also a remake, The Preacher’s Wife, but I grew up surrounded by Cary Grant movies so I prefer the original.

This is a continuation from days 2-11 and will be continued on day 13.

Check out my Master Post or AO3 if you need to catch up.

***

Cas and Sam arrived back at the motel with both cars to find Charlie and Dean waiting in the already packed up room. Charlie went to check them out and then declared she was stealing Sam for the day. They made plans to meet up for dinner before Charlie planned on ditching them for her Christmas plans with her girlfriend. In short order, Cas and Dean were left alone putting the various stuff they’d obtained on their trip into the Impala.

Castiel was worried about Dean. He was acting strangely and the angel thought that perhaps Dean regretted kissing him last night. Cas had hoped it wouldn’t be a problem even if Dean didn’t care for him the way Castiel cared for Dean. Dean may have just kissed him because of the mistletoe and if Cas had hidden said faux-mistletoe in his pocket as a reminder, Dean needn’t know. What Cas did not want is for that kiss to ruin their current relationship, especially when things had been going so well recently. While kissing him had been the most wonderful rush of barely contained bliss, Castiel was worried more and more that he had made Dean uncomfortable. Dean kept avoiding eye contact as they had looked over the room one last time to make sure they hadn’t forgotten anything. The atmosphere had been tense enough that Cas had fled the room and used the time to buy some coffee from the inn as a back-up gift in case things continued to deteriorate. Cas didn’t think he had the will to share his wings with Dean if there was a chance it would push the beautiful man further away. Eventually Cas found himself hunched miserably in the passenger seat of the Impala as the tension between him and Dean grew more pronounced.

“Cas, what’s wrong man?” Dean’s concerned voice startled Castiel out of his spiraling emotions. He once again regretted the control he had lost over the years; feelings were still unfamiliar enough to the angel that they easily became overwhelming.

“I’m fine Dean. What would you like to do today?” Castiel was satisfied that his voice did not betray the tumultuous panic raging inside of him as he began to wish the previous night hadn’t happened. In fact, he suspected that Dean only noticed anything at all because he knew Cas better than the others did. The thought only made the angel more anxious.

“Uh, well, I was wondering if you wanted to check out the historic movie theatre with me? They’re showing holiday movies all day. I mean, if you’d rather do something else that’s cool. Or if you want me to drop you off somewhere?” Dean’s voice became higher pitched as he spoke, which Castiel vaguely recognized as nervousness. Cas trained his gaze on Dean’s face trying, and failing, to discern the reason behind Dean’s uncomfortable fidgeting. He wasn’t sure what Dean would prefer, and because of this Castiel decided to take the chance and do what he wished to do – stay with Dean.

“I would like to go to the movies with you.” Dean’s face lit up at Castiel’s words and the angel was more confused than ever. He felt himself relaxing at the obvious evidence that Dean did still want to spend time with him. They fell into a companionable silence as Dean drove back towards the city’s main road and looked for whichever parking offered the most protection for Baby. It was still cold today and it didn’t take much convincing for Castiel to get the knit Christmas hat back onto Dean’s head.

“Hey, we should turn in the angel scavenger hunt list first. We have some time before the first feature starts.” Castiel agreed easily and trailed after Dean as he led them to the bakery that had been hosting the hunt. Dean was excited when he discovered the prize for completing the scavenger hunt was a small sack of freshly baked cookies. He let Cas pick out the type, and they left the store with freshy backed chocolate chip cookies. Dean happily declared that they now had snacks for the movie as they headed down the street towards the theater. Castiel was pleased to note that whatever strain had been between them was fading away as the day progressed.

The theater was actually a gift store that had kept some of the original rooms of the building intact. Dean purchased their tickets and insisted they immediately find seats despite the movie not starting for a bit. Castiel listened to Dean explain how you had to go in early to get good seats but he didn’t really understand.

“Dean, all the seats are the same design.” Dean rolled his eyes at the angel.

“Cas, it’s all about where you sit. You can’t see as well from all the way in the back and the very front row isn’t great either. You’re so close it’s hard to see the whole screen.” Castiel decided to just trust Dean on this as it didn’t make much of a difference to him. After deliberating between two different rows Dean choose one that was further in the back than his explanation had indicated would be ideal.

“I thought you said we didn’t want to sit in the back?” Dean didn’t respond as he tugged on Cas’ coat to get him to sit down next to him. Cas was pleased to note that Dean had pushed back the armrest in-between the seats as it allowed the two of them to sit more closely together.

“Yeah, well, there are some good things about sitting in the back. More privacy for one.” Cas thinks that over but refuses to get his hopes up. He contents himself with the feel of Dean’s arm pressed against his and quietly accepts one of the cookies that Dean passes to him. While he can’t discern much of the flavor, he appreciates the sensation of warm chocolate on his tongue as he bites into the soft cookie. He offers Dean a small smile to communicate his enjoyment of the baked good. They eat in silence as a few other groups fill into the seats in front of them. The movie, The Bishop’s Wife with Cary Grant, begins to play, and the excited chatter in the theater dies down to occasional murmurs. Dean tilts his head to get closer to Cas’ ear.

“You’ll like this one, Cary Grant plays an angel. Honestly I would have gone with calling you Dudley over Clarence.” Cas enjoys the feeling of Dean’s breath on his ear. Metatron may have left him with knowledge of human stories, Cas isn’t sure he knows this movie. Cas wonders why Dean thinks of him more like the angel in this film and pays closer attention.

Castiel quickly catches on to the point of the story. The idea that the Bishop has lost sight of what’s truly important isn’t an uncommon theme. What surprises Castiel is the angel, Dudley, falling in love with a human. He can tell from the set up that nothing will come of it, but he empathizes with Dudley as the angel struggles to handle his unexpected emotions. When the movie ends the theater is left in darkness during the transition to the next film. Cas’ is pulled out of his thoughts when he feels Dean’s thumb wiping away tears he hadn’t realized were there.

“Hey, are you okay Cas?” Cas doesn’t know what to say. He feels the hopelessness of an angel falling in love with a human. He understands the happiness that comes with just knowing that person has some measure of joy, even if it’s not with you. He remembers how different the same story had been for him, how he had turned to Crowley when Dean had found happiness with Lisa and Ben. Even now he would leave if Dean would be happier without him, but for now, Sam had said he made Dean better. He would find joy in that.

“I will be fine Dean. Yes, I feel that I have more in common with Dudley than with Clarence but I’m curious as to why you thought so.” Dean gives him a mischievous smile, although he still seems concerned about Cas’ wellbeing. Cas doesn’t mind when Dean uses the sleeve of his flannel to clear away the last of his tears.

“It’s obvious, isn’t it? Cary Grant is much more attractive than Henry Travers.” Cas is surprised into laughter at this statement. He happily accepts another cookie from Dean and settles in to watch the next movie. Maybe Cas’ story won’t end the same way as Dudley’s. As Dean’s hand finds Castiel’s and their fingers entwine, the angel thinks that their kiss under the mistletoe meant more to Dean as well.

***

@galaxycastiel, @jellydeans, @my-favourite-hellatus, @nguyenxtrang

#destiel december 2020 #destiel december #destiel fic #destiel #dean winchester #castiel #castiel with wings #sam winchester #sam ships it #charlie supernatural #christmas fic #christmas fluff #angst and fluff #angst #supernatural #supernatural fic #spn #arcticfox007writes

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aelysianmuse · 3 years

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SUMMARY: Canon-divergence post-Purgatory fic where Benny decides to meddle, make Cas feel appreciated and Dean jealous enough for them to pull their heads out of their asses and get together once and for all. AO3 LINK.

On the first morning back from Purgatory, Benny learns that comfort zones are where Dean fails to thrive.

Without any imminent threat to Castiel, Dean is quick to leave addressing him as his ‘angel’ behind. Instead, he slips right back into the authoritative ‘Cas’. Lingering touches shift into brief pats, and intense stare-offs turn into avoidant glances when the other one’s not looking.

Right at the very end, before the three of them had found the portal, the tensions between Dean and Castiel were so high that, if he’d left them alone for longer than ten minutes, Benny had half-expected to return to them fucking in a tent.

How they’d gone from that to this, in just a matter of days, beats him.

Either way, if he’s learned anything about them throughout these past couple of months, it’s that both of them are idiots in love. They’re wasting their time pining for each other, when they could be spending it together. It’s only Dean who seems to engage these in self-sabotaging behaviors, and right when he’s at the cusp of having everything that he’s ever wanted.

As he watches the two bicker over unwashed dishes, like a married couple does, Benny takes a sip of his coffee and smirks into the mug. He knows he ain’t much, but he’s a solid meddler. If he can get Dean back to feeling like Castiel being here’s not a guaranteed thing, he thinks he can get him to act on his feelings.

“Game on, brotha.”

1. Benny.

Benny’s in the kitchen when he hears them come back from the case.

Sam’s still unhappy that he’s allowed to stay in the Bunker, even if it’s for a couple of days, but Dean was very firm about it not being up for negotiations. They’ve found a compromise in not letting Benny join them on the hunts. Sam doesn’t trust a vamp, and Benny’s alright with that.

“Benny!” Dean’s voice cuts through the Bunker, loud and clear. “We’re back.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He responds from the other room, taking a couple of minutes to join them by the map table.

He’s carrying two cups of hot tea with him, and he walks over to Castiel’s right, placing one cup in front of himself and the other in front of the angel.

Both Dean and Cas seem to be confused at the gesture, and they’re sporting a matching frown to prove it. Okay, so maybe he’s decided to go a bit bold right at the start, but he’s only got a week so he has to skip a couple of steps.

“Dean said somethin’ about you likin’ honey. I found this guy who’s willin’ to deliver me some top-notch raw one, straight from the honeycomb.” Benny explains. “I reckon it should be good.”

The atmosphere in the room feels awkward for a couple of more seconds. Not a sound is to be heard, but for Castiel’s uncertain “Um.” The angel picks up the cup to taste the honey-laced tea, and all eyes seem to be at him.

Benny can sense Dean brimming with nervous energy.

“I know you don’t drink tea, so I figured you wouldn’t want any. But if ya want—“

“No, no. That’s…it’s fine.” Dean finishes instead of him.

“This is very good, Benny. Thank you.” Castiel offers, once he’s done with the tasting.

“Good. That’s good.” Benny responds with a soft smile. “I know nothin’ about honey, but I wanted to do somethin’ nice. Despite our differences, you had my back in there. So. Thank you.” He finishes, making sure that the expressed gratitude holds enough gravity.

Dean shifts uncomfortably from across the table and Castiel gives him one of those soft smiles he’s only ever seen Dean receive, so he counts it a win. Dean takes notice of it as well so he counts it as a double win.

“Anyway—“ Benny goes on to change the subject. Go easy on him, he thinks. He wants to shake Dean up a bit, but has to be careful not to frighten him completely away. “—Did you take care of that vamps’ nest?”

“It was challenging to track them down at first, but once we found them they didn’t put up much of a fight. I don’t expect for any remains of the nest to not taken care of.” Castiel explains, lowering the cup down to the table.

“Nice.” Benny takes a glance at Dean’s disheveled appearance. A cut here and a blooming bruise there, and then he looks at the angel. Castiel looks like he hasn’t even broken a sweat, taking on those vamps. “You look great for someone who’s just taken down a nest.” He points out, directing the observation at Castiel in particular.

It’s quite entertaining, if you ask him, watching the angel squirm. Castiel clears his throat, clearly picking up from Dean that something’s odd about this exchange, and Benny can almost see the gears shifting in his head as he tries to figure out what a proper response to this situation would be. They haven’t been exactly friendly in Purgatory, and Benny’s mostly used whatever time off from killing they had to tease him mercilessly. He figures this newfound gratitude and exchange of pleasantries between them must be weird as heck.

“Ooo-kay.” Dean is the first one to point it out. “I think I’m gonna go get a shower, now.”

“Yeah, alright, man. Cas here can tell me the rest of the details.”

“Cas?” Dean quirks a brow, not addressing the angel, but rather Benny’s usage of the nickname. Instead of acknowledging that there’s something odd about it and responding, Benny dives straight into questioning Castiel about the case until he hears Dean disappear in the background.

2. Dean.

On his way from the shower, Dean feels off. He knows well enough that it’s got something to do with Benny and Cas, but when he tries to rationalize his feelings, he doesn’t really have a reason to feel wrong about their exchange.

Two of his best friends are getting along, Benny’s given up on the teasing, he’s engaging with Cas, they’re having civil conversations and being nice with each other. It’s good. It’s what he wanted all along, right?

He runs the towel through his hair and enters the room, only to find Cas and Benny leaning into each other and laughing over something they’re discussing.

“I don’t remember there being anything that funny about the case.” He blurts out thoughtlessly, and where the hell did that come from? “Unless you’re talking about decapitation. Then I kinda get it.” Dean attempts to recover.

“Nah, brotha. Cas was just telling me his buddy up there –“ Benny points up with his face. “Benjamin, right?” Cas nods to that. “Here I was, thinking the angels are uptight, but turns out they just have a different social custom there. Once you get into it, they actually have a solid sense of humor.”

“It is true, Dean.” Castiel deadpans and Dean finds him endearing for being as socially inept as ever.

“Alright, you two. Wanna share and elaborate, maybe?” Dean asks, hating the way light annoyance tints his voice. Why does he sound like that? Like a—jealous…thing. Person. Whatever.

“It’s not of import.” Cas says. “I never would have brought it up if Benny hadn’t asked what my favorite things about Heaven are.”

Dean feels something squeeze tight around his heart. He’s never even thought of asking him that. He didn’t even know about this Benjamin, who was apparently among Cas’s favorite people. Hell, he’s been so self-centered that he assumed Cas didn’t even have anyone besides them.

He wants to say that Cas’s favorite things can’t be irrelevant, and they aren’t to him, and that he wants to know. Benny’s faster on the draw.

“I beg to differ. If it’s making you smile like that, it’s important.” Benny drawls, and for a good measure presses a brief touch against Cas’s forearm. Dean feels his stomach lurch at the sight.

It’s even worse that Cas looks all shy and grateful for that declaration, and it makes Dean want to jump out of his skin and put at least five feet of distance between them.

Dean must’ve been glaring daggers, because there’s a sudden shift in the way Cas holds himself. Like a reprimanded child, he moves back from where he was leaning into Benny, and looks worriedly at Dean.

Dean pretends not to notice.

“Sam arrived while you were showering. He said he’ll go sort through the archive. I should go and help him.” Cas gets up from the chair and leaves the room somewhat abruptly. Benny doesn’t seem to find anything odd about it. If he does, he’s as good at pretending as Dean.

When they’re left alone, Dean somehow musters up the courage to ask.

“What was that?” he tries to sound casual.

“What was what?” Benny asks, playing dumb. Or maybe he really doesn’t have any idea what Dean’s talking about, and Dean’s embarrassing himself by being paranoid.

“You, being like that. With Cas.”

“Like what, Dean?” Benny asks and leans back into his chair.

“Like…suddenly interested in anecdotes about his life, all thoughtful and appreciative.” Nice, Dean. If it sounded bad in his brain, it sounds even worse coming straight out of his mouth

“You don’t think Cas deserves someone to be thoughtful and appreciate to him?”

“I didn’t say that.” Dean snaps defensively. “You know what, nevermind. I’m gonna go get some rest, my back’s killing me.” Suddenly, he feels twice as tired, his bones twice as weary.

“Sure thing, man.” Benny responds, not pushing. Dean appreciates that, at least.

When he gets into bed, sleep doesn’t come easy.

3. Dean.

When Benny tells him he’s leaving for Louisiana on Sunday, Dean hates himself for feeling relief. He tells himself it’s because his relationship with Sam has become strained due to Dean’s willingness to fraternize with a vampire.

Five more days doesn’t seem that long, until Benny makes sure that it does.

He and Cas seem to be inseparable, and they’re always smiling and doing things.

Benny seems to be right there, all the time. Whatever Cas is doing, he’s itching to offer a hand. Throughout the week, Dean sees them baking together, playing scrabble, discussing lore, watching Our Planet on Netflix…one day he even sees them doing crafts together. Just for fun, Cas says.

On Friday, there’s a Wendigo in Topeka and Cas doesn’t offer to go with him and Sam.

Instead, he asks “Do you need me to join you?” And he phrases it in a way that Dean reads as ‘if it’s not necessary, I’d prefer to stay here, with Benny”.

So, naturally, Dean says “No.” He makes sure not to linger, so he wouldn’t see Cas’s joy upon hearing the words.

It’s nighttime by the time they return to the Bunker, and Benny and Cas are nowhere to be found. Dean makes sure to check the whole place, and if it takes him too long to knock on the doors of either of their bedrooms, no one has to know. No one answers anyway.

He considers texting one of them, and spends at least two hours mulling over the idea, which turns out to be long enough for the pair to come back from wherever they were. Dean hears them speaking in gentle, hushed tones and though a part of him wants to remain hidden behind the wall, so he can listen in on their conversation without being exposed – a stronger part of him propels him forward to interrupt.

“Hey.” He announces himself, and Cas takes a step back from Benny, stopping mid-sentence when he sees him. Dean’s nails dig into his palm. “I was worried about you-” comes right out of his mouth, the honesty and vulnerability of the admission scaring him. “-you didn’t say where you went.”

“Benny wanted to see the planetarium, so he asked if I’d like to come along.” Cas explains, sounding apologetic.

“I happen to know a thing or two about the stars.” Benny chimes in. “Me and my buddies from old nest used to be pirates.”

“You’re a vampirate?” Dean asks, stunned. Benny chuckles.

“Sure, brotha. If that’s how you wanna call it.”

“I learned a lot about the constellations.” Cas joins in and he seems genuinely excited to share this piece of information. Dean thought he already knew everything that’s to know about this universe, so he finds Cas’s claim that he’s learned something new from Benny odd. What if he wants to stroke his ego, what if—

“So you had fun.” Dean clears his throat, barely managing to tear his gaze away from Cas’s. He looks at Benny instead and shuffles his hands around the pockets somewhat awkwardly. He wishes he could be anywhere but here, but also, he thinks if he’s to leave now, something horrible could happen.

Not the ‘someone might die’ kind of horrible, no. Benny wouldn’t hurt Cas, that much he knows. But Benny could…

It’s a different kind of horrible.

“I’m actually pretty wiped.” Benny says instead of responding to Dean’s question, or well, more of a statement. “You two can catch up – I’m gonna go to my room now. And Cas—“

“Yes.” Cas turns to face him.

“Think about my offer. I mean, take your time but…lemme know.” Benny says and leaves it at that.

Cas doesn’t sleep, and that night neither does Dean.

4. Dean.

When Benny leaves, he decides to take the guns out and clean them. Cas decides to keep him company, in silence.

It probably would’ve been a polite thing of Dean to ask more about their little…date, but Dean doesn’t want to know. So he doesn’t ask. And Cas doesn’t tell.

For thirty minutes of muscle memory work, Dean lets this feeling stir within and gnaw at him. It takes him precisely thirty minutes to ask.

“So. Benny made you an offer?”

“He did.” Cas responds, matter-of-factly. He doesn’t seem too keen to elaborate, at least not without Dean’s further prompting. Dean’s far too curious, so he caves in.

“Can I ask what it is?” He sounds vulnerable, even to himself, and he doesn’t like that Cas picks up on it right away.

“He asked me to go with him to Louisiana, on Sunday.”

Dean doesn’t mean to, but he stops dead in his tracks and lowers the gun he’s holding on the table.

“Like…to visit?” Dean asks, unable to form any coherent thought at the moment.

“No.” Cas responds, gaze avoidant, looking down at his lap. He parts his lips, seemingly to offer further explanation, but ultimately decides against it.

The words he doesn’t say speak louder than the ones he does.

Dean swallows the lump in his throat, and he can feel the fear creep up and take roots in his lungs.

“Well, what did you decide?” he dares to ask. He feels anchored to his seat, paralyzed, and at the same time like he’s floating above and looking down at two of them.

“I told him I’d think about it.” Cas admits and Dean wishes he could refrain from reacting, but he flinches at the admission. When Cas does look up at him, he seems to be looking for Dean to say or do something.

But Dean’s left speechless. Because Cas has to think about it. He’s not sure about whether he wants to stay with Dean or leave, and Dean thinks back to ‘I always come when you call. I do everything that you ask.’

He thinks where along the way he’s screwed up so epically that he hasn’t given Cas reason enough to stay, but made him doubt whether this is where he belongs.

And then he looks back at the past week. At how Benny’s greeted Cas in the mornings, made him breakfast and coffee, and asked him about his life; learned things about him that Dean’s never bothered to in all these years. How Benny’s taken time to spend with him, out of the context of their jobs, and made it all about Cas – and how Dean’s never done that.

Of course, Cas thought about leaving. Of course.

“Well.” Dean swallows. “If you think that’s gonna make you happy…then I’m happy for you.”

Dean’s been selfish enough for a lifetime. With Sam, particularly, but everyone else that he’s ever cared about too. He wasn’t going to do that to Cas.

“Thank you, Dean.” Cas says, and Dean sees his shoulders sag. Whether in defeat or relief, because Dean’s green-lighted the decision, he can’t tell.

They don’t talk for the rest of the night.

5. Dean.

After hours of tossing and turning, Dean gives up on trying to fall asleep.

He gets up and gets into the car. He drives to the nearest open store to pick up stuff for an apple pie. It’s 4 AM and he’s baking, because it’s the only way to distract himself from the anxiety settling low in his belly.

Dean recognizes Cas’s steps when he hears them, and realizes then that he’s been making the pie with him in mind. The fact that Cas will be gone tomorrow makes it that much harder to face him, so Dean’s quick to scribble ‘For you. Hope you like it.’ on a sticky note. He leaves it by the baked good before Cas can find him.

When he comes back to the Bunker, he’s that much more certain that Cas has decided to leave. He doesn’t run into him until much later into the day, but finds a matching sticky note right where he’s left one.

‘Thank you, Dean. It was wonderful. I appreciate it.’ It reads, and Dean takes a sharp inhale to hold in, certain that if he allows himself to exhale right away he’ll crumble into pieces.

By the time sun goes down, it hits Dean that in less than twelve hours Cas will be gone and that he’s wasted what last precious moments he’s had with him on running. Panic settles deep in his bones when Cas joins him in the room, for the first time of the day.

“Hey, stranger.” He decides to speak up first. “Haven’t seen much of you today.” Or Benny, he thinks.

“Yeah.” Cas makes an attempt at a smile, but it falls flat.

“Were you out with Benny?” Dean tries not to make a big deal out of it.

“No. I don’t really know where he is. I just thought you would want some space, so I took a walk.”

“Why would I need space?” Dean frowns.

“You’ve been avoiding me.” Cas puts it right out there, raw and unfiltered. Should’ve seen that one coming.

“I wasn’t—“ he starts but fails to defend himself because that’s exactly what he’s been doing. Although, not because he needed space. What Dean needed was to come to terms with what was about to happen. He needed to prepare himself because this time he was given an actual notice. A chance to see it coming and get accustomed to it. Other times, when Cas would disappear for days, he usually did so without any warning or explanation, leaving Dean to wonder what had happened. This time, he at least knew. And understood.

“It’s okay, Dean. I know that things are different here than down there.” Cas finishes for him, and he sounds so understanding, so empathetic, and without holding a single grudge against Dean. It’s like he’d take whatever Dean will throw his way, and Dean feels sick.

“What does that mean?” he asks, and sounds defensive about it, but he knows. He may not fully comprehend all that he’s feeling, but he knows some—enough of it, despite having tried so hard and for so long to push it all down.

“I’m not trying to accuse you of anything, Dean. I’m just saying it’s different when we don’t have all kinds of monsters breathing down our necks, and we don’t know if today will be our last day on Earth.”

“What are you talking about? This gig, this life…we never know—“

“You know what I mean.”

Dean’s lips press together, preventing him from speaking any further.

He feels cornered. Cas hasn’t said anything, nothing’s really out there yet, but it kind of is. It’s like they finally acknowledged this elephant in the room between them, with as few words as they could, and Dean doesn’t know how to take a step back from here.

But more importantly, Dean feels ungrateful and he feels like a coward because Cas is right – and he shouldn’t be. It shouldn’t make any difference, this thing.

“I’m going to—“

“Yeah.” Dean gives him a quick nod, seeing Cas drift towards his room after a long moment of shared silence.

6. Cas

Although he doesn’t always understand humans, the things they do, and why they do them, Cas thinks he knows what’s going on here.

When Dean asked him about the answer he’s given to Benny’s offer, Cas doesn’t think he lied when he said he’s thinking about it. ‘Cause he is. He’s been thinking about whether he should stay here, more so than whether he should leave with Benny, ever since the topic came up.

He just failed to mention that when Benny offered, Cas immediately turned him down.

“That’s very generous of you, but I’ll have to politely decline.” He’d said.

“Thought so. Still, I’d like you to think about it for a couple of more days. The offer will stand.” Benny insisted, and Cas listened.

He’s not dumb. He knows what Dean thinks of them. He also knows that’s not what Benny wants from him.

Cas figured that, while initially it was all about pushing Dean to a breaking point and getting him to speak up about his desires, Benny’s intentions transformed. After a while, because he has spent a considerable amount of time with Benny and not all of it was pretending for the sake of provoking Dean, he and Benny did get closer. Although not in a way that Dean thinks, Benny has grown to respect and even like Cas, and he believed that’s at least a part of the reason why he’s asked him to come along.

There’s nothing respectful about the way Cas lets himself be treated, and he knows that.

He sits on the bed of his room in the Bunker, and he thinks how messed up he has to be to know that nothing’s ever going to change, and yet he chooses to stay – hoping that it will. Isn’t that the definition of stupidity?

He considers what it’d be like to allow himself, for once, to seek some finality. To ditch the hope in entirety and make peace with his truth.

If he left, it’d mean that he’s giving himself a chance to move on. He wouldn’t have to wonder anymore/ Wouldn’t feel so helpless, insecure, and stripped down to his very grace every time he’s around Dean. He’d just…know.

He’d make a choice and live with the consequences, whatever they are. It sounds as close to free will as he’ll ever get, and it’s tempting, but it doesn’t feel right.

And if he decides to stray, then what? Does he give himself a time constraint, for how much longer he gets to hope and wait? Or does he accept that regardless of him staying, everything else will remain the same and he’s going to be fine with that?

A knock grips him out of his thoughts, and he pushes himself up from the mattress to open the doors to the bedroom. On the other side, he finds Dean.

“Hey.” Dean says, and Cas doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to the way he gets weaker in the knees when he sees him. Once he started falling, he never stopped. Anna was right – all of these feelings that have found their way into every crevice of his being, they were massively beyond those first human experiences he’s had. Nothing could have warned or prepared him for the sheer intensity of loving Dean.

It was a different kind of pain. One as sweet as tempting, and although one didn’t want to be experiencing it, one was too weak to stop. After having heard about enough human experiences, he thought it was comparable to getting rehabilitation for drug addiction.

“Hello Dean.” He manages, unable to look anywhere but at Dean.

Dean doesn’t say anything after that, and Cas doesn’t really know what this is about, so he waits. And he waits.

And then asks.

“Is there something—“

“Stay.” Dean jumps in, and there’s urgency in the way he lets that word spill over.

“What.”

Cas can see him straighten and push his shoulders back. Dean reels in, the same way that he does when he’s expecting a punch.

Dean licks his lips, taking time to draws a sharp inhale before continuing.

“Look, man—“ he stops, then corrects himself. “—Cas.”

“If leaving…if going with Benny’s what you want, then I’m not going to stop you. But…”

Dean looks like he’s struggling to find the words, and Cas has no intent to rush him. He does feel instinctively drawn to lay a gentle touch on him, to offer comfort and reassurance, but he doesn’t.

He waits.

“If you’re looking for a reason to stay, if you need one – I want you to know that I want you to stay.” Dean says, and he looks like he has so much more to add, and he wants to, but this is as far as he can go. For now.

“Okay.” Cas manages after a while.

“Okay.” Dean nods and lets himself exhale as his shoulders sag further down. “That’s…that’s all I wanted to say.”

They both take one long look at each other after that, and then Dean leaves down the hallway and goes to his room.

7. Dean.

Dean doesn’t want to, but he sleeps soundly through the night. The exhaustion from not having rested properly these past couple of days runs him over. He dreams of nothing.

He wakes up abruptly to the clock reading 10:00 AM. That’s two hours after Benny’s planned departure.

He’s up on his feet before he knows it, running to the common room, as though he could catch up with them if he runs fast enough. There’s nothing rational about the way he’s thinking, but he can’t stop moving, can’t stop—

He gets to the map table and Sam and Cas are there, going through the lore, working on a case.

“Morning.” Sam greets him, brows furrowed in response to Dean’s disheveled looks and panicked appearance. Cas just stands there, trenchcoat on as always, nothing odd about him.

“Where’s Benny?” he asks, heart thundering loud against his chest as he grapples to reach full, sane awareness.

“He left.” Cas is the one to respond this time around, and Dean feels lighter than he has in a while.

“He left?” Dean repeats, dumbfounded. “Why didn’t you wake me up to say goodbye?”

“He said he hasn’t seen you sleep this long from the day he’s met you. Quite frankly, neither have we.” Sam offers. “We decided to let you rest. Besides, he said to tell you it’s not a goodbye – it’s just a see you later.”

“And you’re okay with that?”

“I’ll try to be.” Sam offers.

He’s finally awake enough to make further steps towards the table, and join the two of them in going through the papers scattered across.

“So.” He takes a look at Cas, not yet taking a seat next to them. “You decided to stay.”

“I did. Benny’s offer was nice but this is my home.” Cas pauses for a moment, before adding “It’s where I want to be.”

Dean sees a smile tug on Cas’s lips, and he allows for a matching one to bloom across his own.

“Good. That’s good. I’m glad.” He swallows and breaks the gaze, sitting down to look at the case.

“So get this.” Sam begins. “We have reports of witnesses seeing someone leave the house of the vic, thought they saw pitch-black eyes. Victim is a young male; pathologists say the corpse looks like someone had been gnawing at it…”

“So we’re thinking rugaru?” Dean asks, feeling himself slip into sense of normalcy that he hasn’t even realized to have been missing.

He lets the voices of Sam and Cas carry him through the rest of the case as everything falls back into its place.

#destiel #dean winchester #castiel #benny lafitte #supernatural #destiel fic

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nastassia1031 · 3 years

Text

Thoughts on 15x20 after a few days

It’s been a few days now since the finale aired, and I’ve had time to really digest it and think about it. After all this time I can definitively say that I hated it.

On my first watch, I was so caught up in the fact that it was the last episode that the actual content of the episode was somewhat lost under nostalgia. Now that I’ve had time to really digest the episode, I can honestly say that as far as I’m concerned, the show ended at 15x19. And I thought 15x19 was a weak episode.

The main reasons I disliked the episode have very little to do with Destiel, though we are definitely going to discuss that.My biggest complaint is the fact that we undid 15 years of character development for Dean with this episode to regress Dean back to his season one self. Dean spent the entire series learning self-worth beyond his status as a hunter and in forty minutes it was all erased. Dean never got a childhood because his entire existence was protecting his brother. His entire adulthood was spent being caught between a toxic level of codependency with his Sam and a stranglehold of self-loathing. All of his anger issues that boiled over so intensely this season were due to getting the fears he’s had his entire life confirmed, that he was just a blunt instrument in someone else’s plan, that he’d die violently because why else did he exist if not for that.

That could have made him cruel, but everything Cas said about him in 15x18 was true. Everything he did was always for love, even when he hated himself. And Dean was getting better. Telling Chuck he wasn’t a killer showed he was finally beginning to internalize everything Cas said to him. He was starting to get past his self-doubt and trauma. He was applying for normal people jobs (in the first montage there’s a clear shot of a job application sitting on Dean’s desk). He got a dog. Dean Winchester had just found a reason to live, after an entire lifetime of putting himself dead last and throwing himself on every grenade that presented itself. Killing him before he got the chance to enjoy the life he fought so hard for is unforgivable.

The song says there’s supposed to be peace at the end. When you’re done.

Dean wasn’t done.

That’s the biggest reason why I hated the episode, but it’s far from the only reason.

Dean’s entire complex character was reduced to beer car pie. Dean’s speech was beautiful, but it also reduced the brothers right back to their first season selves - codependent far beyond what is remotely healthy.

“Family don’t end with blood” sure got thrown in the garbage. Dean dies and not only is Dean’s hunter funeral empty except for Sam and the dog, but the montage of Sam’s life has him looking utterly miserable. Using a montage was also just lazy storytelling, and only served to make Sam seem more isolated.

Jack snapped everyone back, so what was the reason why we couldn’t have had Sam on the phone with Jody reminiscing about Dean? How about Sam just talking to his brother? There’s not a person alive who doesn’t talk to their dead loved ones. Instead, we get glimpses of a Sam who looks and behaves like a shell of a person, who seems to have abandoned the entire family structure this show spent 15 years building.

Eileen’s utter absence. Why even bother bringing her back if she wasn’t intended to be Sam’s endgame? The COVID excuse doesn’t remotely hold up, because it would have been beyond easy to establish her as Sam’s wife instead of Generic Blurry Woman. That montage of family photos? Photoshop Eileen in a couple. Problem solved.

And then we get to Cas. The fact that Dean was never allowed to respond to Castiel’s declaration is utter bullshit. We’ve seen the way Dean has behaved in the past when Castiel has died. He carried the trench coat in the trunk of his car like a war widow with a flag. He saw Cas everywhere and literally rewrote the narrative in his mind to make it his own fault that Cas was stuck in Purgatory. He was actively suicidal to the point that Billie called him out on it after Lucifer killed him.

For all that I found 15x19 to be a weak episode, we at least got a few instances of illustrating Dean’s grief - Dean drinking until he literally passed out on the floor, his sprint up the stairs when he got the fake call from Cas. But denying Dean the chance to actually pray to him when we have an established history of Dean doing JUST THAT? Not okay.

This episode also ignores the entire narrative structure of the season. Becky is the stand in for the fans, and when we have her reading Chuck’s original ending, she brings up a lot of the complaints the fans have - too sad, no Cas, a generic monster of the week case. All the way up to episode 18, a significant portion of the season was focused on Dean and Cas’ emotional arc. We have their breakup in 15x03, outside characters commenting on the strain between the two of them such as Rowena in 15x8 to Dean’s prayer and their subsequent reunion in 15x09.

To have that much lead-up culminating with Cas’ confession in 15x18, (an episode that was originally titled “The Truth” but then changed to “Despair”) with absolutely no chance for Dean to respond? That’s bad writing. That’s bad storytelling, and it’s wholly unfair to Dean’s character that we got a series of bad montages that cheapened Den’s entire character arc.

Reducing the third lead of the show to a throwaway line that Dean isn’t even given a vocal response to is a slap in the face to Misha Collins and all the work he did as one of the most beloved characters on the show.

I could write an entire dissertation about how Supernatural has a long history of queerbaiting, and Dean’s character has been coded as bisexual and his relationship with Cas hits nearly every narrative beat and trope of a romantic relationship. I could also go into accounts from PAs and other members of the show that have very different accounts of what was filmed for 15x18 and 15x20 than what we actually saw, as well as accounts from the cast of script changes that go way beyond COVID required changes.

But the simple truth is, Supernatural could have done something with the finale that could have been incredible. Instead, we got a disjointed, badly paced mess that is frankly an insult to all three of the leads and a slap in the face to the fandom that kept them on the air for 15 years. Jensen’s absolute silence regarding the finale on social media speaks VOLUMES about what his opinion of it is.

Is this going to change my love for the show? No. There are 326 episodes that aren’t garbage. And give the fans a couple weeks and someone will recut the finale into something passable.

This show means too much to me to allow Andrew Dabb’s shitty writing in one episode and the CW’s bullshit to destroy. Fandom can fix almost anything, and I’m far from being alone in my opinion on the finale.

Sam Winchester deserved better.

Castiel deserved better.

Dean Winchester deserved better.

And most of all, the fans deserved better.

Carry on.

#supernatural 15x20 #supernatural #dean/cas #dean winchester

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perlukafarinn · 5 years

Note

Prompt: star trek-related destiel? Could be AU, canon-verse-but-magically-transported-to-st-verse, or just discussing and/or watching star trek :)

(I went with fusion, with Dean as Kirk and Cas as Spock. Also there’s pon farr, because how could I not.)

Dean’s first officer has been avoiding him for five days.

He’s showing up for his shifts, of course, because Cas is nothing if not a consummate professional but he won’t look at Dean, not even when he is speaking to him directly. He will also turn and walk the other way if they see each other in the hallways, and if he’s in the cafeteria when Dean enters he will immediately leave.

Dean is sick of it and, if he’s being honest, a little hurt. He’s not sure what he did to justify such treatment; he hasn’t broken the prime directive in months and the last three away missions they did he avoided life threatening situations all together.

On top of it, he’s apparently been acting off around other members of the crew, although not avoiding them outright. He’s been short with them, once even snapping at poor Ensign Kline.

When he brings it up with Sam, his chief medical officer and pain-in-the-ass little brother, he gets no definite answers.

“Commander Castiel is... dealing with something,” is Sam’s cryptic answer. “Look, just ask him about it. I can’t tell you anything that will violate doctor-patient confidentiality.”

Dean takes notice of that. “Cas is sick?”

“No, it’s-” Sam sighs. “Seriously, talk to him. If you ask him straight out, he’ll probably tell you. You’re his best friend.”

“Nice way he has of showing it,” Dean mutters.

Still, Sam isn’t wrong often. Dean heads down to Cas’ quarters and knocks, praying that he can’t somehow sense him on the other side of the door with his Vulcan mojo and ignore him.

A few moments later, the door slides open. Something has to be wrong with Cas, because Dean can actually see surprise flickering across his face before being replaced by the usual deadpan expression.

“Captain,” Cas greets.

“Commander,” Dean says dryly. “Can I come in?”

Cas wants to refuse him, Dean can tell, but he apparently can’t think of a good enough reason to because he inclines his head slightly and steps out of the way.

Dean enters. The room is even warmer than Cas usually keeps it, the air stale and stifling. Maybe Cas is coming down with a cold?

“I’m gonna cut right to the chase,” Dean says, turning around. He frowns when he notices that Cas has both hands behind his back, his forearms tense as if he’s clenching his fists. “You’ve been acting strange lately and I’m not the only one who’s noticed.”

Cas takes a few moments to respond. “If any complaints have been lodged against me-”

Dean holds up his hand. “It’s nothing like that. I’m here as your friend, not your captain.”

“Very well. As my friend, I expect you to respect my privacy.”

Dean waits but Cas is apparently done talking. He considers saying to hell with it and just ordering Cas to tell him what’s wrong, but he can’t abuse his position like that no matter how badly he wants to.

“Cas, come on, you’re obviously upset about something. And don’t,” he adds quickly, “say that Vulcans don’t get upset. We both know that’s bullshit.”

“Then I am not sure what you want me to tell you.”

“Tell me what’s wrong!” Dean swallows. “Was it something I did?”

Cas pales. “Dean, no!” He seems taken aback in the next moment at his own outburst. “No, I - it was nothing you did, I assure you.”

“Then what is it?”

“It... has to do with biology.”

Dean narrows his eyes, confused at the unexpected answer. “What kind of biology?”

“Vulcan biology.”

“You mean the biology of Vulcans?”

Cas exhales slowly, looking very much like he’s second-guessing his decision to entrust Dean with this delicate information. “Yes. It is a deeply private matter, one that is rarely shared with outsiders.”

This is becoming more confusing by the second. Dean knows that Vulcans are a secretive bunch but what could possibly require such secrecy?

A thought suddenly strikes him.

“This is about sex, isn’t it?”

Cas purses his lips, his nostrils flaring slightly. He seems to be seriously regretting telling Dean anything, and Dean is half-expecting him to kick him out of his quarters, but he doesn’t.

Instead, he tells him everything. About pon farr. and his need to return home and take a mate. His lack of a mate, since his intended broke their bond some years ago (and Dean has to take a moment there because what the hell, Cas was engaged?).

The fact that if he doesn’t find a mate in time, the fever will kill him, which is especially scary since it would take more than three weeks for them to reach Vulcan.

“So?” Dean says. “Surely they don’t have to be a Vulcan, just look at your parents. Can’t you find someone on board the Enterprise to mate with you? I can think of more than a few who’d be happy to volunteer.”

“Dean-” Cas catches himself. “Captain, I appreciate your efforts to help but it would be highly inappropriate to solicit any member of the crew in this way, as I outrank them and they might find themselves compelled to agree.”

“Then we’ll dock at the nearest station and you’ll find someone there.” Dean throws up his hands, desperate now. He can’t let Cas die, just because they’re too far from his home planet. “Or, hell, I’ll do it, just as long as-”

Cas slams into him, cutting him off short. Dean blinks, disoriented at finding himself suddenly pinned against the wall with six feet of pissed off and horny Vulcan pressed against him (and hello, that is definitely not a phaser in his pants).

“Cas?” Dean tries. He reaches up his hand, closing it over Cas’ currently grasping tightly at his collar. “You okay?”

“You have no idea what you are offering,” Cas says. It looks like it pains him to speak, and it occurs suddenly to Dean that he’s been holding back this entire conversation.

“Hey, it’s just sex.” Dean smiles, though it probably looks half-hearted at best. “Believe it or not, I’ve done it before.”

“But it would not be just sex,” Cas tells him. “Pon farr is... a difficult time. We lose control, revert to an animalistic state. I cannot guarantee I won’t hurt you.”

Dean shifts. He’s feeling a little more affected by Cas’ proximity than he wants to let on, and this talk about animalistic sex sure isn’t helping matters. “Maybe I don’t mind it a little rough.”

Cas makes a pained noise that has no right to sound as sexy as it does.

“It also involves a mental connection, as well as physical one,” he says after a moment to gather himself. “I would need to form a bond with your mind.”

“We’ve mindmelded before,” Dean reminds him. “You told me our minds were compatible.”

Cas stares at him. Dean tugs at his hand, finally prying his fingers from clutching his shirt. He doesn’t let go of it, and Cas doesn’t pull away either.

“It would be more than a simple mindmeld. I may not be able to break it myself. We would be connected in a profound, permanent way, never again completely alone.”

And if that isn’t the scariest, most wonderful thing Dean can think of. He searches Cas’ eyes for some idea of how he feels about it, sees no sign of repulsion or despair, nothing but desperation for Dean to understand.

“Would that be so bad?”

He doesn’t get an answer. Not a verbal one, anyway, because Cas is too busy sticking his tongue down his throat. Dean responds enthusiastically, pressing his fingers against Cas’ as well in a simultaneous human and Vulcan kiss.

Cas is the one to pull away, leaving Dean breathless and a little dizzy.

“Dean, are you sure?”

“I’m sure,” Dean reassures him. “I am so, so sure.”

It isn’t exactly a declaration of love but it’s as close as Dean’s emotionally repressed ass is gonna get. Besides, Cas will soon be inside his mind and he’ll know exactly what he means.

Cas kisses him again, even more desperate and heated than before. Then he is grabbing Dean and lifting him, fingers digging into his thighs. Dean automatically wraps his legs around his waist, allowing Cas to carry him across the room, to his bed where he lays him down.

He keeps standing, staring down at Dean with darkened eyes and a deep green flush on his cheeks. He has rarely looked so alien. Or so hot.

This is gonna be an interesting night.

Pon farr, apparently, can last anywhere from three days up to a week. Cas’ lasts six.

Not that Dean is complaining.

#tlakhtwritesdestiel #destiel #deancas #spn fanfic #perlukafarinn writes #prompt fill #first time #au fic #this got so much longer than expected #and yet it feels way too short #i've always wanted a fic of amok time #where that infamously ust-filled conversation about vulcan biology #resolves itself in sex #so i decided to finally write it sort of #hope this is readable

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kdfrqqg · 6 years

Text

French Perfume Part 13

Crowley x reader Summary: Reader receives a gift from a secret admirer. Reader learns about her special gifts. This part of the story Crowley and the reader have been dating for a bit with some complications. Warnings: language, smut, spells

Word Count: 2.3 K

Catch up here: French Perfume Series

Barely sleeping last night, you were positively buzzing around the bunker. Even folding laundry had a new special kind of joy for you.

Crowley had found you about a dozen silver Hamsas, if this spell worked he wanted to make sure you always had one if you needed it.

Two days later, a FedEx box showed up, Crowley and you looked at the box and held each other's hands. “This is what we've been waiting for, Baby.”

Sliding a knife around the edges, the box opened easy enough. You pulled your phone out and turned on the camera, if you were doing this you were going to document everything. Crowley had indicated his concern that his mother was helping you. So you put a pair of latex gloves on, as you snapped photos of everything in the box, once you felt confident that you could recreate the spell at a later date you pulled the items out of the box.

“Is that Enochian?” You asked picking up the hand written spell.

“Yes, that is, my pet.” Crowley said as you handed him the paper.

Moving away from the table, you called down the hall, “Cas, Cassie, Sweetie!”

He popped his head out of the kitchen, and strolled towards you, “yes my Queen. How can I be of service?”

You tilted your head, “Stop that.” You gently smacked his arm, “Did Dean put you up to that?”

He scratched his head, rolling over the correct answer. “Um… yes, yes he did.”

“Well stop. I'm just the Queen of Hell not your queen.” You both walked back to the war room. “And even that's not official yet.” you pulled the spell off of the table, “why is this spell in Enochian?”

Cas replied, “probably because at one time siphons and angels shared a common language. Remember you are more similar to an angel than anything else.”

“She's my angel.” Crowley smiled at you and felt weak under his stare.

Consulting Cas’ expertise, he reviewed the spell. He informed you that everything appeared to be in order. One thing you knew was that one wrong 'Ra’ or 'Tah’ said incorrectly would mess up the whole spell. You sighed, knowing that Crowley's suspicions were not founded and Rowena really did come through for you. “I need my magic box!” you said as you ran down the hall for it.

You were almost out of breath when you got back to the war room, “Love, I think you should take your time. I know you are excited but maybe we should wait.”

“You think I'm going to mess this up.” your voice rose.

His hands were on your shoulders, “darling, darling, no no.” He shushed you. “Maybe we just don't rush this.” His lips left a light kiss on your forehead.

“You're right.” You conceded. It wasn't like anyone was about to die or anything. For the next hour, you painstakingly crushed herbs, measured ingredients and set the alter. You had never really took the time to do a spell properly before, it felt like you were back in the kitchen with your mom making cookies for Christmas. You hadn't thought about her in such a long time, or any of your family. You had been so busy with hunting that remembering their faces was even hard. When you started hunting, your goal was to kill all demons as revenge for killing them when you were twelve. Now, you were in love with one and about be the Queen of Hell. You didn't even know what that really would mean for you, do you have to become a demon too? You hoped not, because why would you doing all this if you had to become a demon. How would your parents feel about all of this and how you changed?

Crowley watched you work with a Scotch in his hand, his eyes on you made you blushed. You really were going to miss feeling his love pour into you but this had to be done if your relationship was going to last.

“Penny for your thoughts, Love.”

His voice made your head pop up, “hmm?”

“You seem a little distracted, are you ok?”

“Oh yes, I'm fine, never better actually. I was just thinking that my parents will never get to meet you.” You sighed. “I wonder what they would think of us.”

“I'd like to think that they would see how much I truly love you and they may give their blessing.” He responded.

“Yeah, I like that idea.” You smiled as you finished measuring the last ingredient. “I think we're ready, now.”

You lit three candles around the alter. Then placing the blessed silver Hamsas on the bottom of the mixing bowl, you threw in the sage, mugwort and various other items, waving your hands over the bowl to you feel it's energy. Drawing a deep breath inward, you spoke the spell slowly. Cas had translated it for you, it said,

'Protect me from the love of the one I love. Allow me to still love them and feel my perfect love. Please, oh God, let them not hurt because they love me. Protect me oh Lord of Lords. Protect our love as it grows.’

The final step was to kiss the one you love, you turned to Crowley and he passionately kissing you showing you all the love he could muster. His hands wandered all over your back and down your backside. The power he was giving you was immense and you felt yourself become light headed as you almost started to get drunk from his love. The bowl caught on fire and you smiled at the lovely soft glow, praying that it worked. When the embers died, you fished a silver Hamsa from the bottom of the brass bowl. The Hamsa was cool to the touch, you strung it on a silver chain and you lifted your hair for Crowley to help you clasp the necklace.

“Should we test it out.” Crowley suggested, you spun around and he pulled you into a kiss. You felt nothing but his lips on you. “And?” He asked between kisses.

“I think.” You pecked his lips, “it worked.” You smiled peppering him with kisses as you wrapped yourself around him.

“Yeah?” He questioned.

“Yes!” You squealed.

He bent his knees and lifted you bridal style, you giggled as he walked you into your bedroom. He was so gentle as he placed you on the bed before he stepped away to close the door. “Can you still use your powers with that on?”

You snapped your fingers and the candles lit themselves, “I could get use to this.” You smirked as you crawled towards the end of the bed.

He turned the overhead light switch off and made his way over to you. “I'm going to worship you all day and night long.” His lips slid over yours as he pushed you back on the bed.

“I could get use to this too.” You chuckled against his him.

His fingers danced down your chest before he grabbed your waist. You pulled the silk fabric of his tie loose as you unbuttoned his dress shirt. “This is taking too much time.” He declared. He snapped his fingers and both of you were naked.

“Why haven't you done that before?” you said in disbelief.

“I don't know maybe I've never been so impatient.”

“Ok, you have to show me that trick sometime.” You kissed him feeling his cock rub against your belly as the weight of his chest was pressed on top of you. “I love you, Baby!”

“I love you too, My Queen.” He rolled you over on top of him. “This is all going to be about you.” His voice was thick with lust. “I want you to sit on my face.”

“Oh!” You felt your arousal pool in your pussy.

“I told you I wanted to worship you.” He helped to guide you into position. You were unsure how this was going to feel or what to really do but he assured you that you would feel so amazing. The headboard was your friend, you gripped it tight, as you lowered yourself over top his lips. His hands pressed you down onto his mouth, you thought you might just hover there above him but that was not his intentions. He wanted you to ride his face, that was never so clear as when you felt him bury his face and tongue into your pussy. His course whiskers tickled you with a delicious burn.

“Oh fuck, Baby! That's good.” You yelled, that tongue of his was already fucking deep into your folds. His hands moved up to your waist allowing you the ability to shift and glide over him. You rocked back and forth over his lips hitting his nose to your hood with every thrust. You whimpered, choking back the deepest moan you may have ever moaned before. “Oh don't stop!” He worked your clit good with his tongue as you ground down on him. You groaned “Yes! Yes! Yes!” You yelled even louder with each yes. He tongue pulsated inside your pussy. “I'm going to… I'm going to cum, Baby!” The ecstasy felt so good and it just kept building and building. You felt like a flood was about to come out of you. Then you found your release but it wasn't like normal, shit, water gushed from your pussy. Oh what the fuck was that, you were surprised, you had never squirted before. You heard Crowley chuckle. “Oh Baby, I'm so sorry. I've never done that.” You apologized as you moved from him.

“There is nothing to be sorry about, Love. Did that feel good?” He asked, taking a tissue from box by the bed to wipe his face.

“Good, good?! That was freaking amazing! Good is an understatement.” You panted as you leaned back against the bed. Taking deep breaths were all you could do to try and calm your body down. Electricity felt like it was spilling from your arms and legs as it pounded through you.

Crowley snuggled up to you, “my Queen, is that something you want to do again?” He smirked.

“I think you know the answer to that.” You kissed him tasting yourself on his lips.

“Tell me what you want my Queen?”

“I'll I want is you.” You explained.

“Then you should have me forever, (Y/N).” He said with love.

His face lingered over yours while his fingers were tangling in your hair, he took the time to soak you in under his heated stare. You almost couldn't take his eyes on you in that way, normally you would feel his magic and love but all you could feel was his eyes washing over your face and form. His lips were on yours, hands on your hips as you opened yourself to him. He lined himself up gently pushing deep with one motion, his lips never once left yours, continuing to capture kiss after kiss. Your tongues danced in time with his slow delicate thrusts. He turned his head to kiss down your face and to nibble on your ear, “I love you” he whispered over and over again. His words, the way he knew your body and what you needed was driving you crazy. Your limbs were wrapped up in each other in a grip that said never let me go. You moaned against his mouth as you lungs burned from all of the delicious attention. Your head tilted back on its own gasping for air, as you felt a rise in crescendo reaching your highest peak, your left leg shook uncontrollably, your vision went black as you turned your face to the side of the pillow. Hips met hips as Crowley worked you through your release just before warm ropes of cum spilled onto your walls.

Hours or days past, at this time you weren't sure, both of you got lost in each other. If you were hungry you just took the necklace off and made out with him for a few minutes and the power from him would make the hunger stop. You talked and talked, falling asleep in each other's arms.

You woke up to him talking on the phone, he hung up and made his way to you. “Was that Jarrell?”

“Yes, it was, Love. Just some matters in hell that had to be dealt with.” he replied.

“So tell me about Jarrell?” Your fingers intertwined with his. Other than Crowley and well maybe Meg you had never met a demon that you liked. Wow, Meg was the first demon who made you think maybe demons could love. Her devotion for Cas was beautiful and you were truly sorry when your boyfriend killed her. It was amazing just how much you could forgive Crowley for but you had to believe that he had changed for you much like Meg did for Cas. “He's so much different than the others.”

He hummed in response, “you noticed that. It isn't hard to miss.” He chuckled. “Much like me he sold his soul but I did it because I wanted something immaterial but he did it to save his wife and daughter’s life.”

“Like John or Dean?” You interjected.

“Yes and those souls never truly turn what you would call evil. Someone like Jarrell will normally not kill unless you order them to. That's why I made him my butler, he was a wealthy noble man back in the late 19th century, and as such he loves making things just so.” You smiled listening to him. “You remind him of his Sara, his daughter. The other day you didn't just scare me, you scared him too. There are more people who would miss you if you were gone. Don't ever forget that.”

“Thank you!” You kissed him chastely.

Before you two could get anything started again, there was a knock, “Hey, I made tacos.” Dean yelled through the door, “Um. If you want take a breather.”

“Chicken or beef?” you asked with a giggle.

“Both, now get your ass in here.” He yelled back.

You both chuckled and got dressed to join everyone in the kitchen.

Part 14 is coming soon!!

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yesalleykat · 4 years

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A “Dream” Ending

I had a dream about the ending of Supernatural the other night and I cannot get it out of my head.

It turns out that “Chuck” as he is now is not the real Chuck that we met previously. Instead he is the third sibling to the real Chuck and Amara who has stolen Chuck’s form and imprisoned Chuck’s true essence in a primordial jar (think in terms of what Ursula did to her victims in the Little Mermaid). Basically, this third sibling is the complete loser of the family and he is jealous of what Chuck created and wants to destroy it all, one piece at a time. So, he has taken over and disguised himself as Chuck, has created all this chaos. Amara has known this but has no idea what’s been going on because the fake Chuck’s attention has been completely focused on the Winchesters so there has been no colossal event that would have gotten Amara’s attention to tell her that her other brother is up to no good or that Chuck is imprisoned.

So Cas has the Mark of Cain (which is connected to Amara) and that gets her attention and she goes to see him and they basically clue her in on what’s been going on and she puts it all together and goes in search of what really happened to Chuck. She returns with the jar with the pathetic looking disembodied deity floating around inside of it. But there us a new problem now: In order to stop the fake chuck, they must completely destroy him (vaporize to nothing) which she and Jack can do together but that will leave the world without anyone in control and no balance. The real Chuck cannot do anything in his present state and must take on a new form. He needs a vessel—but not just that—he needs a being to become. Basically, he will absorb completely the soul of and become entirely whatever form he inhabits (because the thing in the jar is only made of primordial power and nothing else). Over time he has had several forms—the last being the Chuck they knew who when human was a creative fiction writer with a kind heart and dorky sense of humor. This time, because the deity is starting from scratch (as opposed to merely jumping forms), and so much wrong has been done in his absence, the new being must be exactly what the world needs from a deity.

So, led by Amara; Dean, Jack, and Castiel all sit around and brainstorm exactly what qualities the new deity needs to have. They must be brave, incredibly smart but also very creative. A peacemaker, a hero, brave, self-sacrificing, loving, compassionate, and forgiving to a fault. This world needs a healer, not a ruler, they decide. And then when the silence lags, Amara looks at Dean and asks, “Who does that sound like to you?” And her eyes flick toward Sam who is just sitting there completely clueless. And Dean basically loses his shit completely. Bangs the table, paces, yells, accuses Amara of declaring war on his family, blah blah blah. Dean says it will never happen. No one else is saying anything. Castiel is sitting, staring at Sam like it’s the first time he’s ever seen him. Jack is sitting very still, processing what he must do as Billie’s plan clicks into place. (Billie, as death, always knew this would be Sam’s ending). Sam is just sitting quietly, staring down at his hands folded on the table. He looks up

“Dean- “

Dean’s eyes flash desperately. “No, Sam! Don’t even say it! We are not doing this! Not this! We’ll find someone else! There’s another way, there always is!” His eyes go to Cas in desperate hope of receiving support but the angel just shakes his head.

“Dean, there is no one else.” He reaches over and covers Sam’s hands with his own “Can you think of a better person than Sam in the world? Can you think of anyone we would be in better hands with?”

Jack raises his eyes. “This is what Billie meant. I’m to end Chuck and another will replace him.”

Dean jabs a finger in his direction. “Yeah! You!”

Jack shakes his head, his eyes sad. “I can’t be God. I have to be…me.”

Dean is shaking, on the verge of losing control and attacking Amara for bringing this to light. Sam stands up slowly, focused entirely on Dean.

“Okay, Dean. We don’t have to decide anything right now. We have some time. I’ll do some research, maybe there is someone else. I mean, there has got to be right? I-I can’t possibly be the best this world has.”

Amara opens her mouth but Castiel gestures for her to be silent.

Hearing Sam’s words, Dean softens, attempts to clarify. “Sammy, I’m not saying you’re not—hell as far as I’m concerned-“

“It’s okay, Dean.” Sam interrupts, approaching Dean and giving him a quick hug that doesn’t allow Dean time to cling. “I’m tired and we have a lot of-research to do starting tomorrow. I’m going to bed.” He gives Amara a very pointed glance as he leaves the room.

True to his word, the next day, Sam dives into research to find someone to host Chuck. The day after that Eileen returns for Sam and Dean can’t help but notice there is a new intensity to their relationship.

Time passes, and there is no further mention of Amara’s plan. One day, Sam announces that he and Eileen are getting married. Dean is suspicious but keeps getting blown off by everybody every time he tries to voice it. Sam and Eileen get married and soon after, she announces that she is pregnant.

A few nights later, Sam sits down with Dean in the kitchen and tells him that he has decided to go through with Amara’s plan. He will host the new deity.

“Sam, I won’t let you do this!” Dean insists. “Even If I have to lock you up in the panic room, so help me, I’m not letting this happen! Don’t you understand, Sammy? It’s not like you’re just being possessed. You won’t exist anymore—anywhere!”

Sam grabs hold of Dean’s arm. “That’s not true! Weren’t you listening? Everything I am, all that I am, will be transferred to Chuck-or-or whoever it’s going to be then. I’ll literally exist everywhere!”

Dean tosses off Sam’s hand, rises and violently throws the beer bottle against the wall where it smashes into tiny shards and leaves a slick trail dripping down the wall. “I won’t have my brother anymore!”

Sam stands too. “That is why Eileen and I decided that the baby was so important.”

Dean turns to face him, eyes flashing with anger and shining with tears. “Screw you!”

He starts to leave but Sam’s voice stops him. “This is the most important thing I’m ever going to do and I can’t do it without you, Dean. Please don’t abandon me now.”

It’s Sam’s last day. Jack is positioned to kill Chuck. Amara comes to them with a syringe of amber colored liquid.

“I have to give him two shots.” She explains. “This one will put him into an irreversible coma. The second one will stop his heart. Once I give him the first shot, he will have twelve hours before he falls under.” She gives Dean a pointed look. “Make it count.”

The boys go for a drive. They find a field- the same one they’ve hung out in countless times over their lives. It’s the field where Sam had his first beer. They sit on the hood of Baby, drink a beer and talk. They say things they’ve never said before, they tell each other everything. Dean listens more intently then ever and commits every part of his brother to permanent memory. Just after sunset, Dean feels drained and lays back against Baby’s windshield. Sam lays back and to Dean’s surprise, rests his head against Dean’s shoulder. Dean leans down and kisses Sam’s forehead. They are both crying.

“Best big brother ever.” Sam whispers. And then they are silent for a long time until Sam says, “It’s time to get back.”

They make it back to the bunker just as Sam is starting to feel woozy. He lasts long enough to say an adequate goodbye to everyone before falling into a coma. Amara shows up the jar containing the disembodied deity and a syringe filled with purple fluid this time. They sit with Sam for a time, waiting for word that Jack has killed Chuck.

“How exactly is this going to work?” Dean asks.

“Once I stop his heart, I will release the deity from the jar. As soon as Sam’s soul is freed from the connection with his body, the deity will take it, along with everything else.” She pauses, pursing her lips as if dreading the next statement. “Sam’s body will completely disappear.”

Dean’s eyes flash. “What do you mean ‘completely disappear?”

Amara sighs. “He’ll be gone, Dean. Completely gone in every way. Like he never existed except through the life of the deity.”

“And our baby.” Eileen adds softly.

Dean’s mouth tightens as he stares down at Sam’s still form. Sitting by his side, he takes hold of his brother’s hand.

Castiel comes rushing in with Jack. “It’s done!”

There is a slight tremor as a world-wide earthquake starts. The beginning of the world falling in on itself.

“Hurry!” Jack urges, eyes glowing, hands balled into tight fists at his sides. “I can’t hold it together for much longer!”

Amara gives Sam the injection as Cas opens the jar containing the deity. Dean, still holding Sam’s hand, gasps and sobs as he feels the life leave his brother. The deity responds immediately to the change, flying into Sam’s slack mouth. Cas grabs Dean and pulls him away just as Sam’s whole body begins glowing. The brightness intensifies until no one can look directly at it anymore. When it stops and they look back, Sam has disappeared.

It’s too much for Dean and he collapses, sobbing helplessly against Cas’ shoulder.

“Hello, brother.”

Amara’s voice makes everyone look up. There is Sam-but not Sam, standing by the door. He is wearing the radiantly bright white suit and a genuinely serene smile. Dean sniffles and wipes his eyes.

“Sammy?” He croaks hoarsely, his voice carried only by a final dying ember of hope.

The deity looks at Dean with such compassion that another sob is torn from Dean’s throat.

“I’m sorry, Dean.” It says softly. “But I along with the whole of heaven and earth thank you for what you have done. Your brother was the best of men and that will make me the best God this world could ask for now.” He steps forward and places a hand Dean’s wet cheek. “A lot of the credit for that goes to you, my friend.” Dean shakes his head helplessly, unable to look away from eyes that are Sam’s and yet, not Sam’s. “You raised him to be who he was. You protected his heart at the cost of your own.” The deity drops his hand and takes a step back. “My first act is something I know that your Sam wanted. I am undoing the rule that souls which have touched hell can never enter heaven.”

A gasp from the angel holding him gets Deans attention. He didn’t even realize that he was still standing in Cas’ arms.

“Thank you!” Cas whispers, holding Dean a little tighter.

The deity smiles, Sam’s smile. Seeing it, Dean feels his heart lift slightly even though he doesn’t understand why.

“It’s because he’s safe Dean.” The Deity explains. “And I have just proven to you that he still exists and that I am paying attention to who he was.” He gives Dean a serious look. “What you are feeling is hope. And even as you miss your brother, you will still feel it, and in time it will grow until it overshadows everything else.”

Dean looks unconvinced and stiffens until Cas drops his arms and lets him step away. The Deity smiles again. “Castiel, you have done so well. I truly could not have asked for a better guardian for this family.” Cas lowers his head as the Deity steps forward and places a fond hand on Cas’ shoulder. “And so I want you to stay and continue to love and protect them as only you can.”

Cas smiles and nods curtly. “It would be my honor.”

The Deity turns his attention to Jack. “You will come with me. You have a lot to learn and much responsibility will be yours.”

The wire holding Dean’s rage in check begins to fray. “You’re taking him too? What the hell? My brother wasn’t enough? They’ll be nothing left when you get done with us!”

Cas places a hand on his shoulder. “It’s just for a little while, Dean. Jack has to be trained, taught to use his powers and understand his purpose.”

Dean’s eyes flash. “His purpose? Just being our kid isn’t enough?”

“I’ll always be your kid, Dean.” Jack steps forward and hugs Dean fiercely. It’s the first real hug they’ve shared since Jack returned. “I love you.”

Through another sob and more tears Dean whispers. “I love you too, Jack. Always will.”

After they’ve gone, Dean spends days drinking himself into oblivion and then months at a time away from the bunker fighting monsters, both internal and external. Cas stays behind to watch over Eileen and the baby growing inside of her.

Sam’s baby, though Dean doesn’t want to hear anything about it. He comes home one time from a particularly nasty hunt, unshaven, having not showered for days, still covered with the blood and gore from Shifters he took apart. Cas and Eileen have decided to make Sam’s old room the nursery and are in the process of building the changing station when Dean walks in. He stands in the doorway watching them until Cas looks up at him hopefully.

“We could use some help if you want to join us.” He offers.

Dean’s eyes travel to Eileen’s swollen belly and for a second his eyes soften before the hardness returns to them. “I need a shower.” He says and wanders off.

Jack returns a few days after the baby, a girl named Samantha Mary, is born. Dean is still choosing to stay away from the bunker most of the time and stays as drunk as possible when he is there. He will not go anywhere near the baby and deliberately leaves whatever room he is in if someone comes in with her.

“It’s breaking my heart.” Eileen confides to Cas one night as they are putting Samantha down for the night. “She’s almost a month old and she looks just like Sam. Dean would fall so in love with her if he would just let himself get near her.” She sighs looking down at her daughter. “She needs her uncle.”

Cas agrees. “And he needs her just as much.” He follows Eileen as she places Samantha in the bassinet. The little girl has recently started learning the make real sounds and gurgles and coos. Dean would absolutely fall in love with her. He taps Eileen’s shoulder to get her attention. “We can’t force it.” He tells her. “Just give it time.”

A few nights later, Dean is coming back from a hunt. He enters the hallway on the way to his room where he can drink himself into sweet oblivion when he hears the baby begin crying. He pauses outside the door and listens, the sound tugging painfully at his heart. She’s in pain, or frightened, or uncomfortable in some way.

She needs help.

Without thinking, Dean lays one hand flat against the door while the other one reaches for the knob. He turns it without realizing he’s doing it and the door is open. The cry is painful and helpless sounding. He moves forward and finds himself looking down into the bassinet, his hands balled at his sides. Her feet are pulled up toward her abdomen, it’s something he knows babies do when their stomach hurts.

She’s in pain.

His heart constricts as he reaches down and gently lifts her, cradling her against his chest and making soothing noises. Glancing around he spies the bottle warmer with the built-in bottle cooler. A marvel of modern convenience! Removing a bottle from the back he places it into the warmer to take the chill off.

She is still crying. Now what? Her diaper feels heavy. He brings her to the changing station and makes quick work of fixing that problem. She even stops crying for a minute and looks at him with large curious eyes.

Sam’s eyes.

Dean’s breath catches as he lifts her again, placing her head against his shoulder and closing his eyes. He was so young, but he can still remember holding Sam like this. Once the bottle is finished, and he sits in the rocking chair, cradling her against the crook of his arm as she drinks. He can’t help smiling when she sighs in relief. Without thinking he presses his lips against the top of her head and that warm, protective feeling he still recognizes comes to life within him.

He hears Sam’s voice in his head, remembers Sam’s words, That is why Eileen and I decided that the baby was so important.

He looks down into his niece’s face and sees his brother looking back at him. Tears flood his eyes until he bows his head to kiss hers again.

“It’s okay, Sammy.” Dean whispers. “I’ll always be here to take care of you.”

In the hallway Cas smiles and heads back to the living room to continue the game of Halo he and Jack were playing.

#supernatural

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luciisthebest · 7 years

Text

Memories

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Summary: Dreams haunt the reader, but are they really dreams?

Warnings: Mentions of death, a brief mention of blood, angst, a touch of fluff.

Word Count: 3,329

A/N: Ok I want to start this off by saying this is a work of fiction and does not reflect my personal views. Most of you are sitting there going “no duh”, but I want that to be known. You will see there are things said that I myself have no belief in but are indeed a part of history. I hope you guys like it. It’s weird, it’s dramatic, and I almost didn’t post it. I’ll definitely admit it’s not the best piece of work (it’s pretty bad) but I really need to get back on the writing horse so here it is.

The smell of burning flesh filled the air permeating everything within miles. The front lines was miles away but the smell of death lingered. None of that mattered now, the men dying in the trenches, the Jews being slaughtered in the camps, all of it didn’t matter. You were a loyal German, a fervent believe in Hitler and his might. He would purge the earth of the unclean ones and only those of pure German descent would continue on.

But your belief could not save you now. As you stared at the muzzle of a riffle you saw your death coming. It didn’t matter how much you screamed and begged, you had been marked for death. The soldiers didn’t care that your husband was a high ranking general and your declarations of belief fell on deaf ears. To them you were a traitor, no better than the Jews. Women and children all gathered up, only to be butchered because of the Fuhrer’s paranoia. Tears poured down your face as you watched the soldiers kill person after person. Now it was your turn. You stared up at the soldier as he placed his finger on the trigger. Any moment he would pull it and you would be dead. “Heil Hilter.” You proclaimed as you looked into his eyes. Without hesitation he pulled the trigger. You felt the bullet hit and then there was blinding pain. The darkness was call-

Gasping as you sat up, you swallowed the scream that was rising in the back of your throat. It was only a dream, nothing more. That’s what you always told yourself after each and every one but it never to took the terror away. Sam was still asleep next to you and you tried to quiet your gasping breathes so you didn’t wake him. That was until you felt a twinge of pain and looked down at your arm only to discover a long cut down your forearm. Shrieking, you scrambled out of bed only succeeding on falling onto the ground. Staring wide eyed at your arm, your mind raced. There was no possible way this could be real, you had to still be dreaming.

All you could see was the thin red line on your arm. Blood was slowly beading up along the line, and it stung as if it had just happened. Your heart pounded, terror raced through your veins. In your dream, you had fallen and cut your arm, it had happened when the soldiers had come for you. Without even realizing it you had began to rock side to side, someone was shaking you and it began to register to you that someone was shouting at you.

“Y/N? Come on!” Sam voice broke through the fog.

“Sam?” You blinked several times, clearing your head.

Sam sat back on his heels, letting you go. “You had me worried.” Worry creased his face.

“I um had a bad dream and I guess I fell out of bed. I must have hit my head or something.” Guilt threatened to drown you but you ignored it. There was no need to worry Sam anymore than he already was. He had enough on his plate.

Sam ran his hand over his face. “You really seemed out of it. Are you sure you’re ok?” He reached for your hand.

Without thinking you jerked away from his touch. You could see the hurt in his eyes but you tried to brush it aside. “I’m fine. We should go back to bed.” You quickly stood back up and crawled back into bed. Sam followed suit and fell asleep minutes later. You knew you wouldn’t be getting any more sleep tonight, the dream still haunted you. It had felt so real more like a memory than a dream, and of course there was the unexplained cut that still stung. You really did want to tell Sam but with everything that was happening, you whining about your nightmares really wasn’t important.

“Well are you a bucket of sunshine.” Dean walked into the kitchen looking concerned.

“Just tired.” You muttered as you stared at your bowl of cereal.

“You ok?” He took a seat next to you.

You rolled your eyes. “I’m fine.”

Dean leaned back in his chair and seemed to consider his words. “Sam told me what happened last night.”

“It’s nice to know you two gossip like two little old ladies.” You snapped annoyed that Sam had shared that.

“He’s worried about you.” Dean shrugged. “He knows sometimes you open up to me more than him.”

“Dean, it was just a nightmare. Leave it alone.” You could see Dean watching you out of the corner of your eye.

“So what happened to your arm?”

“Ok enough. I’m done playing fifty questions.” You stood up and headed for the door.

“Come on, I’m just trying to help.” Dean yelled after you.

“Charlotte! Charlotte! You’re here!” A little girl came bouncing out of the house. “I’ve missed you so much.” She threw herself into your arms, nearly knocking you over.

“I’ve missed you too Lottie.” You hugged her back. It had been over six months since you had been home and you had desperately missed your little sister. “You’ve grown so much. Look at you.” You took a step back, looking at your adorable sister. You had been away too long.

Lottie giggled. “Papa’s waiting for you. Mr, Hansen is here as well.” She grabbed you hand and began to lead you into the house.

“Mr. Hansen? Do you know why?” You stopped at the door and handed your shawl to your nannie.

“I heard them talking about the slaves.” She replied carelessly.

“Lottie! You do not speak of them in such a way. Papa raised you better. Those men and woman are only slaves in title. You know that. If I ever hear you speaking like that again I’ll whip your hide myself.”

“Is everything alright?” A man’s voice interrupted your scolding.

Turning around the only sound in the hall was the rustle of your skirts. “Mr. Hansen, it’s so lovely to see you.” You smiled at the man coming down the stairs. “Everything is fine thank you.”

“I was wondering if you’d like to go for a walk with me.” He smiled at you and you couldn’t help but notice how handsome he was.

“I would be honored.” You extended your hand allowing him to lead you back down the hall.

The sun was beginnning to set. Workers were beginning to stream in from the cotton fields and as they passed by you offered them friendly nods.

“You’re awfully friendly towards them.” Mr. Hansen’s voice was disapproving.

“I’ve found they work harder when kindness is offered to them.” You said with a haughty voice.

“Or could it be that they are all escaped slaves and you and your family have taken them in?” His voice turned cold.

Fear chilled your veins, your family would be destroyed if anyone ever found out this secret. “Excuse me? You dare insult not only me but my family? They are slaves, nothing more than property.” You tore your arm away from him. “And if you are going to stand there and insult me then you are no longer welcome here.”

“And to think I wanted you for my own.” His eyes were cold as he looked at you. Without another word he reached up and grabbed you by the throat. Pushing you up against a tree he began to squeeze harder and harder.

“Please. Stop.” You choked out.

“You disgust me.” He spit out as he squeezed even harder.

Your head was beginning to swim as blackness began to overtake your vision. “Please.” You whispered as blackness overtook you.

“No! Stop!” You screamed as you woke up struggling against the phantom that was your dream.

“Y/N! You’re safe.” Sam grabbed your wrists preventing you from striking out.

Tears welled up in your eyes. “Make It stop.” You whispered hoarsely as wave after wave of emotions hit you.

Sam quickly flicked the lamp on, bringing the room from shadow. “Oh my god.” His eyes widened.

“What?” You looked around you bewildered.

“What the hell happened to your neck?” He looked horrified as he looked at you.

You reached up touching your neck noticing that it was tender. “My neck?” You stupidly repeated. Standing up you headed for the one mirror in the room. Horror washed over you as you took in your reflection. Two distinct handprints were bruised into your neck. Your eyes themselves were bloodshot and it appeared as if a few of the veins had burst. “No this can’t be…” you trailed off turning to Sam.

“What the hell has been going on?” Sam actually looked frightened.

“I… I don’t even know where to start.” Your hand trembled as you pulled it away from your neck.

“How about from the beginning?”

Sitting on the bed you began to tell Sam everything. You told him all about your dreams and how real they felt and how after each one you woke up with injuries just like the ones you received in the dream. When you were done you waited breathlessly for him to respond.

Sam’s face was unreadable as he processed all the information you gave him. “I wish you would have told me sooner.” You began to apologize but Sam stopped you. “But I understand why you didn’t. I’m sorry you’ve been going through this all alone and I think I know who we can go to for help.” He smiled at you reassuringly.

“You do?” You asked feeling hope for the first time in weeks.

“I can bet Cas will know something about this.”

“Wow. I can’t believe I didn’t think of that weeks ago.” You face palmed. “This is why I keep you around.” You winked at him grateful that instead of calling you crazy, he believed you and wanted to help.

Sam laughed but you could still see the worry in his eyes. “Let me see if I can get a hold of him now and maybe we can get this figured out tonight.” He kissed you on the forehead before he left the room.

You could only hope Cas held the answers. The dreams were becoming scarier and scarier. Each one you died and each one it was becoming more painful.

Minutes later Sam came walking in with Cas. Cas had a very serious expression on his face which led you to believe Sam had filled him in. “Did Sam tell you?” Cas nodded. “I didn’t really mention this earlier but these dreams are like stepping into someone’s else’s life. I become someone completely different, I have a different name, a different family, hell I bounce around in different time periods. If I didn’t know any better I would say they’re memories.”

“That is because they are.” Cas’s voice was grave.

“What?” Both you and San spoke at the same time.

“You both may want to sit down for this.” Cas waved at the bed in front of him.

Quickly you and Sam sat down waiting for what was to come next.

“Every millennia or so a unique soul is created, and when I say unique I mean a soul with special properties. This soul is a proverbial ace, if it so chooses to be so.”

“I think you’re gonna need to simplify it a little more Cas, you’ve already lost me.” You tried to piece together what he was saying.

His blue eyes seemed to glow in the light. “You know that when a person dies they either go to Heaven or Hell. This unique soul has a choice.”

You glanced at Sam, gauging to see if he understood any of this. “A choice?”

“The soul can choose to be reborn again, and spend another lifetime on earth. Typically this type of soul is tasked with important matters when it comes to humanity and that is why it will go through endless rebirths.”

“So your saying that there are souls out there that instead of going to Heaven or Hell can choose to stay on earth and be reborn?” Sam spoke up.

“Yes.” Cas nodded.

You looked between the two men still confused. “What does that have to do with me?”

“Because you are one of those souls.” Cas’s words seemed to echo throughout the room.

You just stared at him in shock. “Then these dreams…” you trailed off.

Cas sighed. “The dreams are memories. It’s very rare but occasionally memories do bleed through. Although I have never heard of them being so frequent or dangerous.”

“So all those people, I was them?” Tears welled up in your eyes.

“Yes.”

“They all suffered and died horribly. Why would I want to keep going through that?” You let Sam pull you into his arms as the tears began to slide down your face.

“Shhhhh it’s ok. I’ve got you.” Sam rubbed his hand up and down your back trying to offer some sembalance of comfort.

“No it’s not ok, I’m going to be haunted by this for the rest of my life.” You shouted into his chest, anger bubble inside you.

“I can make the memories stop.”

You turned your face towards Cas hoping you didn’t mishear him. “Do it.”

“Are you sure? Once I do it there is no getting them back.”

“I can’t keep living like this.” You just wanted the nightmares to stop.

“Do it.” Sam quietly said as he looked over your head at Cas.

Cas leaned forward and placed two fingers in your forehead. A strange tugging sensation filled you head briefly before it was gone. And just like that it was over.

“Are they gone?”

“Yes.” Cas removed his fingers from your head and a sigh of relief rushed from your lips.

“Thank you.” You reached up and rubbed your throat knowing he had healed that as well. “What about the other part. Will I still have to choose when I die?” You asked knowing the answer but a part of you hoped he would answer differently. Cas was silent giving you your answer. “Can I choose to go to Heaven or Hell?”

“You can.” Cas paused making you turn around and look at him.

“But?”

“There would most likely be consequences.” His face was apologetic.

“And knowing my luck they’d be on the cosmic level.” You muttered felling resigned.

Your happiness would forever be on hold because you were on some mission for humanity. Instead of moving on and joining those you loved, you would have to continue on. Never knowing your fate, and never knowing how it would all end.

Sam seemed to sense your growing unease and distress because he gently pulled you back into his arms. “We can figure this out.” He tried to sound brave but you could hear the uncertainty in his voice. “We always do.”

You just sat there quietly not really hearing what he said, and slowly receding into yourself. Cas’s revelation made you realize how selfish it was for you to form any sort of relationship with people. In the end you would most likely die brutally and instead of seeing them again in Heaven you would abandon them.

“Are you listening to me?” Sam’s voice interrupted your thoughts.

“What?” You pulled yourself out of his arms and stood up.

“Look I know this is confusing and scary but… What are you doing?”

As Sam had been talking you had made your way over to the closet. Grabbing as much clothing as you could, you began to shove it into a nearby duffel bag. “I have to go.” You said evasively. You had hoped you could ask Cas to zap you somewhere but he had conveniently disappeared.

“Go? Go where?” Sam stood up and began to pull things back out of the bag.

You watched helplessly as he quickly undid all the work you had just done. Why did he have to be so stubborn? He would only make things hurt more. “Sam stop.” He ignored you and began to rehang you clothes. “Sam!” You shouted this time. That instantly got his attention. “I’m leaving.”

Anger flittered across his face. “This has to do with what Cas said. You think if you leave you won’t get hurt.”

You closed your eyes, trying to shut out the pain you felt at his words. “It would be selfish to stay.” You quietly began to repackage the bag.

“Selfish! It’s selfish to leave.” Sam was shouting now. “What do you think it will do to Dean or Cas? You’re like a little sister to them.” Sam began pacing back and forth in front of the bed. You could tell he was hurt that you were so willing to walk away from him. “Look I get it. I really do. But that doesn’t change the fact that you’ll do more damage leaving than you would if you stayed. We all love you, you’re family. And we don’t just give up on family.”

Sometimes there were moments of clarity in life. For you this was one of them. It came down to a choice. Choosing between spending a lifetime with those you loved and then making your final decision or running and living lifetime after lifetime forever alone and empty. Your hands seemed to have a mind of their own as they stopped moving. Your heart wanted you to stay but your head told you that was a bad idea.

You had built a life with Sam, one you never expected to have. Without even realizing it, you began to look around the room at all the things and memories there. All the different pictures of happy moments on the night stands. Pictures of family on the wall, reminding both of you where you came from and what you fought for. And all around the room there were different knickknacks each holding a memory. At that moment everything seemed to overwhelm you and you found yourself sliding to the ground, your back against the wall. “Would it be worth it? Would you really be happy knowing that I could never join you in Heaven?”

“Yes, I would give up an eternity in Heaven to spend just another minute with you.” Sam crouched down in front of you, his eyes filled with love.

“I’m an idiot, and we’ll probably both regret but…” Before you could finish your sentence Sam had pulled you into his arms, burying his face in your hair.

“Please don’t ever do that to me again.”

You could hear the pain and fear in his voice and regret filled you. “Never. Never again.” You whispered.

The sound of footsteps indicated that you had an audience and when you looked up you were greeted by Dean’s amused face. “Well it looks like you two made up. Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s eat I’m starving.”

“Seriously Dean?” Sam glared at him.

“What?” He shrugged in response as he walked out the door.

You couldn’t help but chuckle. Dean knew exactly what he was doing and you were grateful. “Come on. We have to feed him before he gets hangry.”

Sam laughed. Dean was never any fun to be around when he was hungry. “Good plan.” He helped you stand and then started walking towards the door.

Reaching your hand out you stopped him. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“You know what. You stood by me even when I wanted to run. I don’t deserve you.”

“I would do anything for you. Now let’s go before Dean hunts us down.” He dropped a swift kiss on your lips.

You smiled as you watched him go. No matter what happened now or in the future, you knew you would be able to face it with his help. Just knowing he and Dean were there made what your were facing seem less scary. For them you would fight.

Tags:

@mogaruke @msimpala67 @percussiongirl2017 @tomorraw @meganwinchester1999 @ria132love @lucifer-in-leather @impala-dreamer @idreamofhazel @wayward-mirage @helvonasche @quiverhope @distinguishedqueenofbooks @faith-in-dean @hiswickedkitty @docharleythegeekqueen @nanie5 @amotleyworld @abbessolute @mrsbatesmotel53

#Sam Winchester #Sam Winchester x reader #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural reader insert #spn Sam Winchester #spn reader insert #spn fanfiction #supernatural Sam Winchester #supernatural Sam #supernatural Sam x reader #supernatural Sam Winchester x reader #spn #spn Sam #spn Sam x reader #spn Sam Winchester x reader

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strengthcas · 7 years

Text

Memento Mori (Chapter One) by strengthcas

Rating: M Pairing: Destiel Word Count: 2,205 Summary: Castiel had known the moment he returned to that post-apocalyptic alternate reality that he was in grave danger. And as he walked across the dirt with his head held high and the stench of ash and death engulfing him with each step, Castiel thought nothing of it. Facing death was nothing new. Putting his life on the line for those he cared about seemed like no issue at all, especially now. Sam and Dean would think otherwise, of course, Castiel knew that as well. Link: Click here.

Castiel had known the moment he returned to that post-apocalyptic alternate reality that he was in grave danger. And as he walked across the dirt with his head held high and the stench of ash and death engulfing him with each step, Castiel thought nothing of it. Facing death was nothing new. Putting his life on the line for those he cared about seemed like no issue at all, especially now. Sam and Dean would think otherwise, of course, Castiel knew that as well.

Which is why he refused to turn around at the sound of Dean’s voice calling his name, thick with disbelief and anger and… grief. His voice even lingered in the air after Sam was able to drag Dean through the doorway and back to their own world. Then it was just Castiel and Lucifer and Crowley’s dead body laying only a few feet away. Another life Castiel was unable to save, despite the fact he wasn’t especially fond of the guy. Still, Crowley had helped them. Had at least made an effort to banish Lucifer to rot in this apocalyptic Earth. And Castiel couldn’t save him.

Seeing Crowley’s lifeless body didn’t deter Castiel, though, and he refused to show any signs of remorse as he advanced toward Lucifer with the angel blade in hand. In just a few minutes, the gateway would close forever. It only took Castiel a few moments to realize that he had two options: kill Lucifer and return to Sam and Dean or keep his brother occupied long enough to lock them both in this eternal Hell and far away from the Winchester’s. Both options would satisfy Castiel. Both options would save Sam and Dean from additional dilemmas concerning the Devil himself and that’s all that mattered.

“We can handle ourselves, Cas,” Dean had told him, his voice slow and calculating, obviously tainted by the alcohol he had been milking for most of the day. This declaration came only a few weeks ago after Castiel insisted he help with the Lucifer problem. “It’s not like we haven’t done it before. Besides, you should be taking care of yourself, all right?”

Castiel had been sitting across from Dean, staring at the table and wishing that Sam hadn’t gone to bed so early. Sam would’ve agreed with Castiel. He never seemed to mind if Castiel was willing to help. Sam treated Castiel like an adult, although Castiel was much older than any of the adults currently residing on Earth. Dean didn’t have to treat him like a child. It only made Castiel feel cold and useless. As if he weren’t thousands of years old.

He knew better than that, though. Castiel knew that Dean was only worried about his safety.

Still, it made Castiel feel insignificant.

For years, he had only managed to let Dean down. Sam, too. Again, and again, Castiel kept failing. Surely that’s what Dean had truly meant. That despite his years of experience, Castiel would only make matters worse. He wasn’t the angel he used to be. He had lost his wings and even his strength and stamina wasn’t up to par. Castiel was an embarrassing excuse for an angel, but at least he was trying.

“I want to help,” Castiel responded firmly, finally pulling his gaze up to meet Dean’s eyes. “You told me we would find a better way and this is a better way. We work better together, you said so yourself.” His brow furrowed then, trying to remember something Dean had said offhandedly. “Team Freewell,” Castiel nodded his head with a fierce determination in his eyes. He wasn’t sure what it meant when Dean had said it or who this ‘Freewell’ person was, back when Castiel had tried, and failed, to return Dean’s Top 13 Zepp Traxx mixtape, but it had seemed to mean something significant to Dean. They were a team, in any case. All three of them.

And then Dean smiled brilliantly and for a brief second, Castiel felt like he could breathe. The hunter set his glass of whiskey down on the table just before he let his head fall back in a fit of laughter. Fleetingly, Castiel wondered just how much Dean had to drink. He would be hurt at the implications of Dean laughing in Castiel’s face about wanting to help but seeing the amusement on Dean’s face was definitely worth it. Castiel didn’t interrupt him. Instead, he sat patiently, waiting for the laughter to die down. For a second, everything seemed to be completely fine.

Even now, if Castiel listened closely, he could hear Dean’s laughter still ringing in his ears.

Dean never offered Castiel an explanation as to what was so funny. And Castiel found it ridiculous that now, as he was progressing on Lucifer, he wished he’d had the courage to ask.

Lucifer was standing only a meter away now, still distracted by Crowley’s death it seemed; something Castiel didn’t want to think too much about. He didn’t have a lot of time and thankfully, his brother was too distracted to put up much a fight as Castiel advanced on him. It was clear now that Castiel needed to harm Lucifer, or at least try to. At least to buy him some time.

He had his angel blade with him; the silver weapon a near weightless object in his hand. Strange how such a simple, triple-edged dagger could cause so much harm to a celestial being. However, despite its powerful capabilities, Castiel didn’t have much faith that it would kill Lucifer. Harm him, of course, but death was out of question. It was no archangel blade, unfortunately, and Lucifer was well aware of that fact.

Castiel could vaguely make out the bullet holes in Lucifer’s jacket; remnants of when Dean had tried to kill Lucifer with those handmade bullets Bobby had mentioned earlier. Frankly, Lucifer didn’t seem wounded at all. But considering that Sam and Dean had managed to make it out of this parallel world in one piece, he, too, might actually be able to make it out alive. All he had to do was hurry.

Lucifer was loosely aware of Castiel’s presence but it was too late. Without wasting another second, Castiel sunk his angel blade deep into Lucifer’s abdomen and watched as his brother’s irises shifted into an angry, red, hue. Lucifer sunk forward, leaning into the blade and glancing down at the weapon in disbelief, as if it had personally offended him.

Which, Castiel figured, it probably did.

For good measure, Castiel pulled the blade out and stabbed his brother once more.

This time, Lucifer’s knees gave out and he fell to the ground. The red in his eyes was more furious than before, but Castiel didn’t have much time react; or to think properly at all. He could feel the air shift around him: a tingling sensation much like electricity pulsing through his bones and screaming at him to hurry up. To move.

The tear in space and time was closing, and Castiel didn’t have much time.

Castiel released the angel blade and spun around to look at the doorway as Lucifer’s body fell to the ground. Lucifer was in pain, a long string of curses leaving his lips as he clutched at his abdomen. The blade was still buried deep inside of him, the flesh around the wound glowing and exposing Lucifer’s angelic grace. If luck was on Castiel’s side, it would allow him just enough time to get through the veil just before it closes, leaving Lucifer wounded and suffering on the ground. On an entirely different world. Safely away from the Winchester’s and Jack, his biological son. Safely away from the world that he had grown to love and protect for thousands of years.

With that in mind, Castiel ran.

Shortly after Castiel’s return from purgatory a few years ago, Sam came to him.

“I’m glad you’re okay, Cas,” He said, and for the first time, Castiel noticed the prominent worry lines between Sam’s eyebrows. Dean had ventured off to the nearest grocery store to buy Sam’s ‘rabbit food’ and Sam had practically shoved Dean out of the door and claimed that after all this time away, he thought Dean would enjoy some alone time with his car. Dean immediately agreed and took off, leaving Sam and Castiel at the Radburry Inn.

Castiel was reading the local newspaper quietly, minding his own business and searching for any possible leads. Naomi had given him strict orders: check in on the Winchester’s and report back with any pertinent information. At the time, Castiel didn’t have much to report back on.

“I mean it. Don’t tell Dean I told you this, but… He thought he was going mad. I thought he was going mad,” Sam continued, moving to sit on the edge of the bed, near Castiel’s chair. Castiel had no choice but to set the newspaper down on the table and give Sam his undivided attention.

“That wasn’t my intention, he knows that. I’m still not entirely sure how I was able to return. Blaming himself won’t help anything.” Castiel sighed, “I’m safe. I’m alive.”

Sam didn’t look convinced, “That’s not what I mean. I mean, yeah, that’s true, but…” Castiel could hear the hesitation in Sam’s voice, and truthfully Castiel was also losing his patience. “Dean was seeing you everywhere. Even before you came back. He couldn’t sleep. He was drinking too much. Still is.”

“I’m not entirely sure what you want me–“

“It reminded me of when I lost Jess.”

Castiel didn’t want to put Dean through that again. It was torturous years ago, and surely it would be torturous now. Sam didn’t go into depth about his visions of Jess, but Sam didn’t need to. The problem with Dean was that he just cared a little too much. The problem with Dean was that he kept it all bottled inside.

Running has always seemed like a useless human activity. Up until Castiel was human himself, he never thought much of it. Of course, physical fitness was imperative, but Castiel didn’t need it. He was always healthy. Had always been able to heal himself should he get hurt. In a human vessel, Castiel didn’t even age. It was something he took for granted.

Especially now, as he felt the rippling electricity deep beneath his skin, urging him to go faster. Castiel was fast. Or, rather, his vessel was pretty fast. If he still had his wings, though, he’d fly.

He didn’t dare turn around for fear of wasting precious time. Lucifer’s wounds were horrendous and Castiel prayed, for the first time in a long time, that it would be enough. God didn’t respond, though. And neither did the other angels. In fact, Castiel didn’t hear anything on the angel radio. Nothing but the soft chattering of rogue angels from this apocalyptic universe. Offhandedly, Castiel thought that he wouldn’t be able to reach God. Not his God, at least. Not Chuck.

It didn’t matter, though. Castiel was close. And thankfully, he couldn’t hear any movement behind him. He needed this. He needed to prove to Dean that he could come back with a win, something that would portray just how valuable he was. After everything that they had been through, Castiel knew that if he could just succeed in this one thing, it might change Dean’s view of him.

And Castiel thought, long and hard about Dean’s smile. About how vibrant and stress-free it was. How it seemed to take years off of Dean’s age. He used that image as motivation to push forward and reach out toward the gateway.

Darkness shrouded him.

In an instant, Castiel could hear the sound of water lapping at the shore and he could feel a gentle breeze brush against his skin and ruffle his hair, calm and reassuring. Sam and Dean were standing in front of him, both appearing desperately relieved to see Castiel alive and unharmed. Sam’s worry lines softened and Dean’s shoulder’s relaxed. And not for the first time, Castiel thought that this was all he needed.

“Cas.” Sam breathed out with a small smile resting on his face.

Castiel’s relief only lasted a second.

It was the sharp, searing pain that pulled Castiel back to reality. He didn’t have enough time to react. It would’ve been too late, anyway. Every ounce of grace that flowed through his veins felt as though it was on fire, a poison that was quickly tearing him apart from the inside out.

Castiel knew instantly that he failed and his first thought was that he’d never get the chance to properly ask Dean what was so funny all those days ago. He’d never get the chance to hear his laughter again or watch as his head fell back with the intensity of it.

Desperately, Castiel reached out for that memory. If anything, at least he’d be comforted by the sweet sound of Dean’s voice and his laughter. Please, God.

But the pain was too overwhelming.

Dean’s blood-curdling cry was the last thing he heard.

#destiel #thespngraphicmakersnet #spnoriginalcontentnet #destiel ficlet #destiel fanfiction #my stuff #my writing #so i had this idea for a fic for a long time and i finally started working on it #i'm not good a summaries but i hope you get the idea lol #comments and critiques are welcome and encouraged #fjfdslkfjsdlkfjdsl #also i'm still working on my writing skills so eyah #also if you're not caught up on season 12 don't read sorry lol #season 12

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lupin-shambles · 7 years

Text

LIFE IN THE BUNKER {Crack fic}

Life in the bunker is hard… HA! Who are you kidding?

In the middle of Kansas holds the strangest of the strange. You hereby stand and declare your family as Dean, Sam, Gabriel, Lucifer, Crowley, Castiel, Michael and Balthazar. (Any other character can be requested).

What do you guys get up to? Well, well, well… The adventures of the worst mix of people are waiting for you inside.

So why not waste your time reading an absolute piss-take fanfic of Supernatural, it’s not like you have a life, right?

REQUESTS OPEN

TRIGGERS: BANTER AND SOME SWEARING

You slowly peel your eyes open with your guard four walls high. Your ceiling isn’t covered in lamb’s blood so that’s good. What? Your ceiling covered in some supernatural crap would be the most relatively normal thing to happen to you today.

Ever so slowly you slip out of your bed checking for any mouse traps or tight wires, when you are clear you open your door with distance incase the stupid Archangel decided to put a bucket of raw eggs above it… Again.

Poking your head out your door, you look down the hallway to check for anyone, once you are certain it was clear you grabbed your airsoft gun and mini water gun filled with Holy water. You tiptoed into the kitchen, the bunker was eerily quiet for ten o'clock.

You made it to the kitchen safely and made a quick cup of tea, after you boiled it, you filled it up with more water and put a bundle of vinegar in it and blessed it (incase Crowley wanted tea).

Okay, to update you lovely readers on what’s happening, good old Satan declared a prank war on Gabriel. You could have killed him when he told you.

(Wait- I addressed the readers in a reader insert fic?! RIP Fourth wall)

*War 101 flashback*

“Y/N?” Came the nervous voice of Satan.

You groaned, it was one o'clock in the morning. “Unless you’re taking me to Disneyland, go away.”

“Well… Not exactly.” He nervously laughed.

“What did you do Lucifer?” You groaned.

“Please don’t kill me.” He begged with a tiny voice.

You shot up straight and stared at him with intense eyes, “Did you eat my bacon?”

Lucifer sent you a bitch-face. “No.”

You flopped back down on your bed, “Then what?”

He rubbed his neck and let out a nervous laugh, “I need your help.”

“Why?” You mumbled into your pillow uninterested.

“I may have declared a Prank war…” Lucifer said quickly and tensed up.

“YOU DID WHAT?!” You shouted, you grabbed your pillow and started to hit him continuously. “YOU COULD HAVE STARTED ANYTHING, HELL EVEN ARMAGEDDON BUT NOT A FLIPPING PRANK-WAR!” You took a breath before continuing, “FUCK YOU SATAN AND YOUR STUPID HORNS!”

You don’t normally swear, but when you do, it’s normally at the Angels. Let’s just say you needed a new pillow after that.

Although you were angry at him for starting the Prank-war, you teamed up with him, because you and Lucifer made a fine-assed team. It started with just Sam and Gabriel take on you and Lucifer, then Dean jumped in on your team with Cas tagging along. So naturally, Gabriel and Sam got back up, Balthazar and Crowley.

There are boundaries of course, the golden one is MICHAEL. Michael made it very clear on day one, to all of you that he didn’t want the be part of it, and if he gets pranked ‘there will be consequences’. The other two are, you are not allowed meddle with people’s personal appearances, (what’s there to say? Sam likes his hair and Lucifer’s very narcissistic) and no nudity. You threw the nudity one in considering that you are the only female in the bunker.

You all also had a personal boundary each, only one.

“My Craig.” Crowley said.

“My Sweets.” Gabriel said without hesitation.

“My books.” Sam said.

“My baby, anybody touch her I will stab them.” Dean said sternly.

“My wine.” Balthazar said.

“No cages.” Lucifer said, that’s not quite allowed but nobody said anything since you all knew Lucifer was traumatised by cages.

“Um…” Cas hesitated. “Dean.”

You all burst out laughing, “Oh hun, Dean is a person, pick something else.” You said.

“My trenchcoat.” He said.

Everyone turned around and looked at you, “Bacon.”

They all laughed and looked at you as if you were kidding. “I’m serious, touch my bacon, I’ll eat you like bacon.”

“She’s serious.” Lucifer confirmed.

You sat down after placing a whoopee cushion on the seat opposite you.

Gabriel came in with a packet of sweets, before he sat down you pulled out your phone and slyly recorded the archangel sit on the whoopee cushion. He sent you a bitch-face as you giggled like an idiot. Lucifer flew and sat beside you just as the farting noise ceased.

Gabriel pulled it out from underneath him, “Wow Y/N. Is that all you got?”

“Oh I’ve got a lot more hot stuff.” You teased. “Beside, you suck.”

“And you swallow.” Gabriel responded with a smirk

“What can I say? Spitters are quitters.” You fired back.

“Would you like some ice with that burn brother?” Lucifer piped in.

“Enjoy your peace whilst it lasts you two.” Gabriel threatened.

“Oh we will.” You smiled.

“You better fear, afterall you can’t pull a trick out of the trickster.” Gabriel remarked.

“Remember who taught you your tricks Gabriel.” Lucifer warned.

Gabriel stood up, “Oh the student suppressed the master a long time ago Luci.”

With that he left, you took a sip of your tea and spat it straight it out, the tea tasted like rotten eggs. “Gross.”

Lucifer pulled out two megaphones and gave you one with a grin on his face. “For old times sake.” He said with a smirk.

You both snuck into Sam’s room, he was still sleeping since Dean set his alarm to 11am. Although Lucifer had a different type of alarm in mind.

He nodded to you and you both counted down to three before simultaneously screaming into the megaphone.

“GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!”

If anything looked like a startled Moose, it was Sam waking up to hearing those three words. You both burst out laughing but then you stopped once you looked at Sam’s angry face.

You scrambled out into the hall as fast as your legs could take you with Lucifer running behind you. Then you bumped into both Crowley and Gabriel, Gabriel knew that you guys were messing with Sam so froze you both.

“You’re both going to be punished for that.” Gabriel said with a mischievous tone.

“Kinky.” Both you and Lucifer said at the same time causing Crowley to draw a strange face.

You were both dead meat.

You swung from the ceiling next to Lucifer with raw egg, baking soda, and butter dripping down you. You looked at Lucifer who mirrored what you look like.

“What else do you put in cake Sam-squash?” Gabriel teased.

“Flour!” Sam laughed.

They decided to punish you both by stringing you up and throwing the ingredients of cake at you. You sent Lucifer a bitch-face and telepathically communicated with him This is your fault.

Michael walked past with a cup of coffee, “Good morning.” Michael said as if seeing his brother and the female Winchester hanging from both legs descended from the ceiling was the most normal thing to wake up to.

“Michael help us!” You begged.

“No Y/N, you got yourself into this.” He said walking away.

“Dick.” Lucifer remarked.

“I must say Darling, this angle really brings out that fine ass of yours.” Balthazar added with a smirk.

“Oh and this fine ass is going to kick your feathery butt when I get down!” You retorted.

“Of course,” Balthazar said nodding, “And how are you going to get down?”

You sighed, you didn’t have a plan, and neither did Lucifer.

“You are all so dead after this.” Lucifer mumbled childishly.

“Topeka!” You heard your oldest brother, Dean shout.

'Topeka’ was your team’s code warning for airsoft guns. You let your team borrow your airsoft guns, and if you have never been hit by an airsoft bullet, it is the equivalent of a bee sting.

You and Lucifer immediately covered your faces as you heard the sounds of Dean and Castiel fire the air-soft at the opposition causing them to squeal and run away, yelping every time a bullet hit them. Once they were gone you all burst out laughing at the sight of one of the world’s greatest hunters, a thieving angel, the King of hell and an archangel running away from two little guns.

🍕🍕🍕🍕🍕🍕🍕🍕🍕🍕🍕

Once you two were cut down all of your team ate pizza in your room whilst you all discussed a new prank.

“Why don’t we knock them all out and do something to their bedrooms?” Dean suggested.

“How do you purpose we knock out two angels and the King of Rotten?” You asked.

“Well Y/N, it’s called alcohol.” Dean smirked.

“I could see that working on everyone except Gabriel.” Castiel said.

“Rose water.” Lucifer suggested.

“That could work.” Castiel said.

“Okay but after we knock them all out, then what?” Lucifer said.

A smile creeped up on your lips as an idea sprung to mind.

“Okay Y/N, spill the beans, what’s your idea?” Lucifer said.

“My friends, have you ever heard of the cup floor prank?” You smirked.

You explained the prank to them; fill thousands of plastic cups with water and put them next to each other on the floor around the 'victims’ bed.

“That’s brilliant but couldn’t the Angels and Crowley just zap over it?” Dean asked.

“Damn it! I never thought of that!” You said, your genius idea was crushed.

Or was it? You looked over to Lucifer who was sharing a smirk with Castiel.

“What? What is it?” You asked.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking brother?” Castiel said with a tone of amusement.

“I believe I am.” Lucifer responded with a grin.

⚜Time-skip brought to you by poor baby Michael⚜

The plan was simple, get everyone on the opposing team drunk.

You were pretty good at acting, so you pretended you were feeling a little sad so nobody would prank you. Then Castiel suggested to call the pranking off for the rest of the night which Michael gladly agreed to.

“Let’s crack open the beer then!” Dean said.

“I’ll have wine.” Balthazar said zapping a bottle.

“Would you like a glass?” Dean smirked.

“Oh I would love one Dean-o, only you and Cas decided to make a hole in them all.” Balthazar said popping the wine bottle open.

“So are all of you just going to drink considerable quantities of alcohol?” Michael asked staring at us all whilst reading Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s stone. Charlie popped in a while ago and persuaded Michael to read them all.

“Yes, and I brought rose water for us lovely archangels.” Lucifer said giving Michael and Gabriel a bottle each and keeping one for himself.

Only Lucifer’s was just filled with water not rose water.

“AW man! Good call Lucifer!” Gabriel exclaimed.

Michael looked over to you, “Are you feeling alright Y/N? You are very quiet.”

“I’m fine thanks.” You said, you lifted up the beer bottle to cover your smirk.

“Well if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m always here.” He smiled.

“Thanks Mike.” You smiled, he was the Grandpa of your wonderfully messed up family.

Gabriel took a sip of the Rose water, “Oh sweet spirits, I haven’t tasted rose water in centuries.” Gabriel sighed happily.

Michael took a sip and he too, smiled contently, “I think the last time I had this was before you fell Lucifer.”

You looked at them with drawn eyebrows, what the heck is so special about that drink?

“I believe the last time I had it was after a battle. We were having a party to celebrate our victory but I don’t remember much.” Castiel said.

“What’s so special about it anyway?” You asked.

“My darling it is the drink of God’s.” Balthazar said. “However tonight I shall drink wine, Rose water is only for celebrations.”

“Really classy Balthazar.” Dean remarked.

“I’ll stick to Scotch.” Crowley said with a bored tone.

“Beer does enough damage.” Sam smirked.

“Well when your liver cries out for beer, got to feed it some!” Dean said taking a swig.

“Your liver cannot cry, Dean.” Castiel piped in.

“Brother, it’s a metaphor.” Gabriel said.

“Can I try?” You said motioning Gabriel’s bottle.

“Sure.” Gabriel said chuckling.

You took a sip out of the bottle, and gave the bottle back to Gabriel. You then gave the angels a doubting glance, “Yeah, that tastes amazing!” You said sarcastically.

Lucifer chuckled, “Humans.”

“Your tastebuds are too weak to perceive the true taste of the Rose water.” Castiel informed.

“We drink and eat things that your tastebuds were not built to comprehend.” Michael said.

“I’m insulted.” You chuckled and took a swig of your beer.

⚜Time-skip brought to you by drunk Gabriel⚜

The plan had worked very effectively, unfortunately you may have had a couple of drinks. You weren’t drunk but you were a little tipsy.

“Hey Luci?” You said dragging out his name.

“Yes Y/N?” He answered.

“Can we go to Disneyland?” You asked.

“No.” Lucifer rolling his eyes.

“But we can get the little cute hats, I’ll be Minnie and you can be Mickey!” You said like an excited child.

“That would suggest we are in a relationship.” He said.

“Get a room you two!” Drunk Gabriel slurred.

“Gabriel could come!” You suggested.

“Hey I’m not saying no to a threesome!” He hiccuped.

Balthazar and Lucifer cringed. “That would be incest.” Balthazar said.

“Tell that to Michael and Lucifer.” He slurred.

“Ew have you two had sex?” Balthazar said.

“No.” Lucifer said with a repugnant tone.

“Michael and Lucifer up a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!” Balthazar sung like child.

Before he could continue Lucifer punched him clean out.

“No, bad Lucifer!” Sam scowled like he was a dog.

“Gosh, how far are you gone?” Lucifer laughed looking at the drunk Moose.

“You know, I used to think Dean and I had daddy issues.” Sam started to laugh. “You started an apocalypse because you got thrown out!” He started laughing again.

Before Lucifer could even punch Sam, he collapsed and hit the floor.

“Two down, two to go.” Lucifer mumbled.

“I KNOOOOOW YOU, I WALKED WITH YOU ONCE UPPOOOOON A DREAAAAM!” Gabriel started to belt. “I KNOW YOOOOU, THAT LOOK IN YOUR EEEEEYEEES ARE SO FAMILIAR A GLEAM!"

Castiel cringed as Gabriel hit the high notes with a squeal.

You look over to Crowley who is contemplating his life decisions whilst swirling the Craig around in the glass.

"Crowley are you okay?” You asked.

“Demons… They have no initiative.” He said as he took another swing of his Craig.

“-YOU’LL LOVE ME AT ONCE, THE WAY YOU DID ONCE!” Gabriel sang swaying back and forth with the Rose Water in his hands.

He then tripped up over Sam and fell right over him.

“Hey Sam-squash, you’re so firm have I ever told you that?” Gabriel muttered.

You and Dean looked at each other and burst out laughing, then Gabriel passed out on top of Sam.

The rest of your team then looked at Crowley who was still stirring in his own misery.

“Crowley you should rest.” Castiel said.

Crowley looked up from the orange liquid and glanced at us all and then scowled. “Ballocks. This is another prank isn’t it?”

Castiel walked over and placed his fingers on Crowley’s forehead putting him into a deep slumber.

“Okay Dean go to bed, you’re too drunk.” You said.

“Not saying no to my beauty sleep.” Dean said and stumbled his way back to his bedroom.

“Have you guys put the sigils up?” You asked the Angels.

“Yes.” Castiel said.

They had put sigils up that stop Angels and Demons using their powers in the same room as the sigil.

“Well somebody’s going to have to put the old slacker to bed.” Lucifer said looking at Michael who had long passed out.

“Okay, let’s get this show on the road!” You grinned. “Then you and I can go to Disneyland together.”

“For the last time - NO!” Lucifer exclaimed.

⚜Another time-skip brought to you by a gay angel and Satan⚜

“A whole new world!” You sang as you placed another two cups down around Sam’s door.

To make the prank easier you dumped Balthazar, Crowley, Sam and Gabriel in the same room.

“Y/N, you are killing me with your Disney songs.” Lucifer complained.

“I just want to go to Disneyland…” You mumbled.

“Oh really? I didn’t know! It’s not like you’ve asked me about 100 times.” Lucifer said sarcastically placing down another four cups.

“I believe she has only asked you 23 times.” Castiel pipped in.

He placed down another seven cups filled with water, he defiantly had the steadiest hands.

“We are doing well guys!” You praised as you looked at your teams effort.

“I would say so too, only about 66 cups to go.” Lucifer chuckled admiring all the cups.

“You really like that number don’t you?” You asked rolling your eyes.

“Of course, it’s my record of orgasms I managed to pull from a woman in one go.” He said.

“Lucifer, the woman would pass out before reaching eleven.” Castiel remarked.

“Ignore him Cas, he’s just being an idiot.” You dismissed.

“Says the one singing Disney songs…” Lucifer responded.

“Hey Luci?” You asked.

“Hmm-hmmm?” He hummed.

“Can we go to Disney Land?” You pleaded.

🔆RISE AND SHINE SAMMY🔆

The morning came swiftly with the noise of chaos.

“THIS ISN’T FUNNY GUYS!” Came the voice of Balthazar.

Your team were in your room as you were all laughing your asses of as the Prank took it’s toll.

“Just zap us over you idiots!” Sam retorted.

“I can’t!” Gabriel responded.

“I’m so done with this shit.” Crowley remarked.

“Why can’t you fly? Has someone clipped your wings?” Sam snapped angrily.

“No cupcake.” Gabriel scowled in response.

“Well, ladies first!” Balthazar chimed and shoved Gabriel and Sam off the bed simultaneously, there was a large crashing noise and a bunch of swearing and cursing.

Lucifer was rolling on the floor cracking up with laughter, whilst Dean was laughing so hard he wasn’t making any noise with Cas observing him with great concern.

You were crying with laughter as you used the door to supported to your shaking form.

“YOU GUYS ARE SO DEAD!” Sam shouted.

“FUCK!” Gabriel cursed. “WHAT THE HELL BALTHAZAR?”

“Thank you Darlings for making a lovely path for -” *THUMP*

Balthazar slipped on a cup and water and fell right back on the floor.

This caused your entire team to laugh even more - which you didn’t think was possible.

✨Don’t try these pranks at home - Kidding, you should totally try them✨

The cup prank was by far the most elaborate but effective prank, your team’s triumph was short lived however, Dean came storming through into the library where you, Sam, Gabriel and Lucifer sat.

He grabbed Gabriel’s collar and scrunched it angrily pulling him up.

“Wow, Dean!” Lucifer said rising to Gabriel’s defence.

They may be on opposing teams for the prank war but Gabriel was still Lucifer’s brother so he was obviously going to defend him when things got violent.

“Why’d you touch my baby?” Dean hissed.

Lucifer yanked Dean off Gabriel and you quickly held Dean back from Lucifer and Gabriel.

“I didn’t touch Castiel.” Gabriel smirked.

“I mean the impala moron!” Dean shouted.

That’s when Lucifer stood beside Dean and you obviously seeing where Dean was coming from.

“Oh, did you like my touch? I think pink is way more your colour.” Gabriel smirked.

“You crossed the boundaries.” Lucifer said.

“Dude, not cool.” You said shaking your head.

“This is war!” Dean sneered.

Unfortunately it all went down hill from there… Dean dunked all of Gabriel’s sweets in the strange mixtures in the lab and Gabriel was sick for two days. Then Crowley locked Lucifer in a cage and once you unlocked Lucifer he grabbed an airsoft gun and emptied every single bullet into Crowley - so Crowley stayed in bed all day covered with bruises. Then Sam decided to eat all your bacon so you ripped out the last chapter of all of his books. You had also been whining to Lucifer about Disney Land… A lot.

And now here you all were… Sheets were draped on the book shelves protecting the books, the tables were flipped providing each team a base in the small Library.

It was chaos, there was a major food fight and everybody was covered head to toe in all kinds of food. As you threw eggs and Gabriel threw tomatoes, all of you were laughing at how ridiculous this was.

Then… Michael zapped in the middle of the Library. Nobody thought twice and launched barrels of food at him.

It came as a quick thought to you of who you just hit, gulping you dropped your food prepared to run from the oldest archangel.

Realization seemed to click in everyone else as their face went pale. Then silence fell in the room as Michael’s wings expanded, visibly shaking with anger accompanied by the menacing glow of his blue eyes.

“Fuck.” Dean cursed.

“Hey Y/N?” Lucifer held his hand out to you. “Wanna go to Disney Land?”

You and Lucifer zapped away just in time to miss Michael clicking his finger to string everyone up and taking his sweet revenge.

Hope you enjoyed! Just a little crack fic I wrote because I was bored. I’ve never publicly posted fan fiction so please be gentle. :)

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themegalosaurus · 7 years

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Ok so here's a random question for you - I'm rewatching season 9, and I get to the end of "The Purge". Now I'm a Dean!girl and I love him, but I'm still so mad at him about the whole fallout from Gadreel. I don't feel like he ever really understood where Sam was coming from. Why do you think he just never got it? I know you're a Sam!girl and I love your meta/analysis so I was just wondering if you had any thoughts :-)

Oh gosh, this issue has in the past proven to be a bit of a minefield so let me try and pick my way across it with some caution. I’ll put it under a cut so those members of fandom who get war flashbacks at the very mention of S9 can scroll on by, haha.

I definitely agree with you that during the fallout from Gadreel, Dean doesn’t ever really admit the grounds for Sam’s anger and unhappiness. He (sort of) addresses the fact that Kevin dies, and that Sam feels responsible - at least, he addresses it insofar as he tells Sam that Sam wasn’t responsible and shouldn’t feel guilty and ‘that’s on me’, although of course to stop feeling guilty about something is much easier said than done (and as Sam reveals at the end of the season, Dean labelling himself as the guilty party for Kevin’s death doesn’t help Sam with his intrusive dreams about murdering his friend). But apart from that he more-or-less frames the issue as Sam being angry with Dean BECAUSE DEAN SAVED HIS LIFE and beyond that perhaps that Dean lied to Sam IN ORDER TO SAVE HIS LIFE. In fact, of course, the reason that Sam is deeply upset by the Gadreel scenario is quite other than that. Sam has a history of having his reality manipulated by external forces which take hostile control of his body: the demon blood Azazel put in his mouth and the psychic powers it facilitated; his position as Lucifer’s vessel and the related knowledge that demons were possessing key figures in his life, throughout his life, as per 5x22; sort-of the soullessness of S6 and the fact that Sam’s body was making decisions and taking actions that Sam would not have carried out himself; certainly the hallucinatory mess of S7. As such it is not surprising that he should be extremely hurt by what happened in S9, where Dean (‘stone number one’, supposedly) not only allowed a foreign being INTO SAM’S BODY but also colluded with that being in deceiving Sam over several months, such that Sam was driven to question his own physical and mental health (he’s losing time, he feels exhausted and sort of emotionally thin, he despairs that he’ll be this way for ever, ‘maybe this is just me’ [9x08]). That he should find out the truth of this is bad enough but that he should do so through an extraordinarily traumatic series of events that includes his body being used for repeated acts of bloody murder, his skull being penetrated with huge great needles so that Crowley can access the angel inside him, and a double possession in which Crowley enters his body to help him expel Gadreel, is just… it’s so horrible. It’s horrific.

So the fact that Dean can look at all of that and come out the other end with ‘Sam is unreasonably angry that I didn’t let him die, which was actually the Right Thing To Do because Sam is important to me and I wouldn’t be without him’ is… interesting and I think you’re right to question it. That’s particularly the case given that on one level Dean clearly DOES know what it is that has upset Sam, because it’s the reason he was reluctant to agree to Gadreel’s plan in the first place. In the hospital room he says quite clearly that Sam would never consent to being possessed and that he’d ‘rather die’. And then during the period where Gadreel is possessing Sam and Sam doesn’t know about it, again, Dean’s shown as being conscious on several occasions that there’s something very sinister in having an occupying power inside your own body. But at the same time, at that point he’s already committed himself to Gadreel’s plan, and I suppose to have let the angel into Sam’s body and then for it not to have been worthwhile anyway might feel a little like the worst of both worlds. Either way, it’s definitely clear that Dean does understand the issue with the idea of possession (leaving aside of course all the context from earlier in the show, all the stuff in S5 about not wanting to be Michael’s vessel, just look at his face in 9x02 when Abaddon is threatening to possess him).

So when, in the Purge, Sam tells Dean that he wouldn’t 'save’ Dean under the circumstances of 9x01 (and god, there’s a whole other meta to be written on ‘saved’, especially (tho not exclusively) in relation to Sam’n’Dean, and all the messy uncomfortable meanings that the word takes on), anyway when Sam says ‘same circumstances, I wouldn’t’ and Dean takes that as meaning that Sam wouldn’t save Dean’s life at all under any conditions, I think it’s difficult to argue that that’s a genuine mistake on Dean’s part. At least part of Dean’s brain knows what that means. But I think the reason he responds the way he does is a lot to do with Dean’s fears and insecurities and about the unhealthy patterns that have developed in their relationship as a result of the fundamental tension between what Dean wants – Sam, beside him, enjoying the hunting lifestyle – and what Sam wants, which does often seem to be something else (and crucially, I think, DEAN thinks deep in his heart of hearts that Sam wants something else). Specifically, it’s clear that Dean is afraid a lot of the time that Sam will leave him. Like, that’s quite evident from S1 onwards (‘There’s got to be something you would want for yourself –‘ ‘Yeah, I don’t want you to leave the second this thing’s over, Sam’ [1x16]) and it carries on being true throughout the show. He says so, even, right then in 9x13 when Sam asks what the point is, 'what’s the upside of me being alive?’ (!!!! ugh my heart breaks): 'You and me, fighting the good fight, together.’ He says the same thing in 11x11, when Sam is apologising for the umpteen billionth time over the fact that he briefly settled down with Amelia: 'All that matters now, all that’s ever mattered, is that we’re together.’ So I think if we see that as a primary motivating factor then it helps to make a lot of sense about why Dean sort of wilfully fails to recognise Sam’s feelings about the Gadreel incident in season 9 and thereafter.

Basically as I see it, Dean feels (at whatever level of consciousness) like if he admits that he really, seriously fucked up in inviting Gadreel into Sam’s body on Sam’s behalf - if he even partly concedes what an awful, fundamental violation it was - then surely Sam will go ahead and leave him. Right? He deserves to be left for it (which… we could discuss, I guess, but I think it’s not unreasonable for Dean to think that). If Sam feels righteously angry at Dean, if he sees Dean for the piece of crap that Dean so often declares himself to be, then what’s keeping him with Dean? Nothing.

On the other hand - as Dean has just had opportunity to observe in S8 - something that is very GOOD at keeping Sam attached to Dean is guilt. If Sam feels guilty then he can be easily persuaded into changing his behaviour in ways that pay off well for Dean’s vision of Sam-n-Dean on the road together. He gets Sam back into hunting at the start of the season by guilting him about abandoning Kevin (‘He was our responsibility. And you couldn’t answer the damn phone.’), and when Sam makes the decision to choose Dean over Amelia in 8x10 it’s couched in terms of obligation: ‘She does make me happy, and she could be waiting for me if I went back… But… with everything staring down at us, with all that’s left to be done… I don’t know.’ It’s not hard to see therefore why Dean should think that the main way to keep Sam engaged in hunting is by creating something about or for which he can feel responsible. Obviously the crisis in ‘Sacrifice’ – which ironically is what precipitated the whole Gadreel mess in the first place - shows the dangers of pushing this strategy too far (Sam feels so guilty that he’s actually willing to die) but I can see why Dean would fall back onto it as a tried-and-tested method of keeping Sam at his side. That is not to say that I think this is a totally cold, conscious decision, but I think part of Dean’s mind understands this and that you can see this madeevident in the way that he reacts to Sam’s anger about Gadreel. As per 8x23 , Sam is enormously worried by the suggestion that he is not a good enough brother to Dean – that he doesn’t love Dean enough. It’s not true, of course. If he didn’t love Dean as much as he did then the suggestion wouldn’t really hurt; if he didn’t love Dean then we wouldn’t get that moment in 5x16 where Dean drops the amulet in the trash and Sam’s heart sort of gently chunks in two before our very eyes. But (I guess since Stanford?? at least since Stanford) it’s easy for Dean to point at something and go ‘you don’t love me as much as I love you, BECAUSE,’ and to have Sam drop whatever argument they might be having and bend over backwards to make up for it (for Stanford, for Ruby, for leaving Dean with Lisa while he was “running around with no soul”). And that guilt’s a good way to keep Sam in the kind of apologetic, frantic frame of mind that (Dean thinks, for his own messed up reasons but perhaps not without some element of truth) is his best bet for keeping Sam at his side.

So what is Dean’s reaction to the events of 9x10? A) He tells Sam not to feel guilty about Kevin because that’s Dean’s fault, Dean is ‘poison’; b) he leaves Sam to deal with the trauma alone (or, with Castiel’s support, but then alone after that when Cas leaves to re-engage in his heavenly business); and c) he goes off with Crowley on a job which culminates in him taking on the Mark of Cain whilst deliberately turning down Cain’s offer to explain what precisely he’s getting himself into. The effect of which is a) to evade responsibility for what happened (this goes alongside the ‘it’s not something you’re doing, it’s what you are’ of 4x21 I think – if Dean ‘is poison’ then the bad things he does are somehow outside his agency, he can’t help them because that is just How He Is); b) to avoid having to confront the reality of how Sam is now feeling (this is about self-preservation mostly I think, and about Dean’s sort of inner need to feel like he’s more or less a righteous person – it’s a lot easier to feel like what he did was justified if he’s not been confronted, as Cas was, with the unpleasant hard reality of a newly suicidal Sam); and c) – this is a biggie – to push the onus of responsibility back onto Sam by making himself (Dean) a problem to be dealt with again. That is, by taking on the Mark of Cain (something that Dean repeatedly throughout S10 in particular will frame as a burden that he is nobly struggling to bear), Dean puts himself in a position where HE NEEDS SAM’S SUPPORT and Sam has shown again and again that he’s unable to resist that demand.

Again, I am not saying that Dean like sat down fully calm and plotted this all out as the best strategy to ‘get away’ with what he did to Sam with Gadreel. I don’t think it’s as conscious or deliberate as that. But equally I don’t think that the fact he has (HEEEEUUUUGE) abandonment issues and that it panics him to think of Sam leaving him is sufficient excuse for him to behave in a way that leaves Sam feeling guilty for being as upset as he is about what happens in S9. He was fully justified to be very very angry. Dean might have massive issues but Sam is a separate person and he doesn’t owe Dean support to the extent of sacrificing his own autonomy to keep Dean happy. That’s particularly the case given that Dean had so recently been directly confronted with the result of the assault that his behaviour had enacted on Sam’s self-esteem (yes, I’m talking about 8x23 again). So. Yeah. I certainly don’t agree with (for example) the meta that crossed my dash a few days ago that described Sam’s behaviour to Dean in S9, post-Gadreel, as ‘downright abusive’. Absolutely not.

Anyway. I think you can see a lot of the dynamic that I’m talking about in operation in episode 10x18, ‘Book of the Damned’. Here for example is the moment where Dean’s telling Sam and Charlie that they need to burn the book:

SAM: Look, just let us translate the book, okay? If there’s a cure, we’ll do it and deal with the consequences later. I can’t lose you.

DEAN: Really?

SAM: Yeah, really.

DEAN: You change your mind on that, cause that’s not what you said last time.

SAM: Oh, come on, man. You know I didn’t mean that.

DEAN: This is my cross to bear, Sam! Mine! And that book is not the answer! Now we got to destroy it before it falls into the wrong hands, and that includes me! I’m gonna go for a drive.

Here we get ‘Dean with the Mark-as-a-burden’ (‘This is my cross to bear, Sam!’) (conveniently ignoring the fact that four episodes earlier Cain’s suggested that it may also be Sam’s cross to bear, when Dean eventually MURDERS him, haha) and also ‘Dean guilting Sam about being a bad brother in order to win an argument’ (‘Really?’). Sam switches straight into defensiveness and Dean’s able to move the conversation the way that he wants it (and like… come on. By this point Dean should be pretty clear on the fact that Sam wouldn’t just let him die. Sam’s saved his life more than a handful of times between 9x13 and 10x18).

And then later that same episode, we also get to see the effect that this has had on Sam’s perception of the Gadreel incident. He’s talking to Charlie about that line of Dean’s, ‘that’s not what you said last time’, and they get onto Gadreel – but couched in terms that made me like… choke on my own tongue with outrage, aahahahaha

SAM: So, awhile back, we had a chance to, um…close the gates of Hell. And in order to do that, I would’ve had to die. And, I was okay with that, and I am okay with that, but Dean was not. And so, he uh…

CHARLIE: He saved you.

SAM: Yeah, he saved me.

CHARLIE: And let me guess, in doing so, he did something you didn’t want, and that pissed you off. And you said something that hurt him?

SAM: Yeah, that sounds about right.

CHARLIE: Brothers.

Like… hooooooooboy. There’s that ambiguous ‘saved’ again but what I’m really interested in is the way that Sam ‘saying something that hurt Dean’ – which in this context specifically is, ‘Same circumstances, I wouldn’t’ has somehow become equivalent to ‘he did something you didn’t want’ - that is, let another being possess your body, wipe your memories, commit murder with your very hands and then lie to you about it for several months. What do we learn from this? I guess, that Dean’s strategy of downplaying his own bad behaviour by making it an issue of LOVE, and who loves each other more (’brothers!’), has been pretty fricking successful. So I suppose I think that’s why he never ‘got it’ about Gadreel: he chose not to, and Sam (who does love his brother, and whose brief moment of assertiveness was built on a foundation of seriously shaky self-esteem) fell back into the pattern that they typically operate in, and here they are.

One last time. I am not saying that Dean rationalised this all out in his head and behaved on that basis. It’s more like… he’s learned through doing that this is an effective strategy to deal with Sam, or to keep things ticking over more or less the way he wants, and he’s scared enough about what his life would be like if Sam did leave him to resort to this tried-and-tested behaviour even though he’s smart enough and EMOTIONALLY smart enough that if he actually acknowledged what’s going on here then I think he would be able to realise how very fucked up it is.

So. Apologies for the enormous length of this answer, and for its slowness in arriving, but I’ve been thinking about it for a long time and I wanted to have it written out in full.

#layersoflies #jess replies #denugis #shoutout to the meta you just posted #dean negative #i mean it definitely needs the tag but i'm not trying to be unfair #my meta #my stuff #season 9 #this is the length of a fricking novel guys so like #settle in for a long read #hahaha

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