About Obi-Wan's relationship with the Jedi Order (and how it did, and didn't, fail him)
The order gets a lot of crap from the fandom about how they take children from their families and raise them to have no attachments and adhere to the Jedi code. Are there some problems there? Yes. But! Do they kidnap the children? No. They get consent from the parents and take the force-sensitive children somewhere safe, where their otherness will not result in attacks or them being kidnapped and sold into slavery (sadly a prevalent practice). They raised their younglings like their own, and while Jedi were not physically or conventionally affectionate they made sure that the children were kindly brought up and cared for. Nothing is more precious to the Jedi order than their younglings, and in their particular way they gave them plenty of love. The Jedi are big on found family and have a habit of befriending everything that moves (even if it’s trying to kill them, in many cases). A byproduct of feeling life and the emotions of that life all around them is extremely deep compassion and empathy. Without proper self control, this could mean compassion to a fault. To creatures as powerful and sensitive as the Jedi, unchecked protectiveness and caring for someone can lead to fear, paranoia, and aggressive behavior. This “dark side” is really being pulled out of control by one’s emotions. For many force-sensitive sentients, the Jedi Code, and the Order that provided it, were the difference between life and something worse than death. Their way of showing love and affection was a non-physical thing, and left unspoken. Should it have been voiced more? Probably, yes. But it was undoubtably there. I think Ahsoka mentions something to this effect in E.K. Johnston's Ahsoka.
This pertains to Obi-wan because he grew up in the rigid framework of the Jedi code. He was loved very much, by his creche-masters and Qui-gon as well. Obi-wan was easily one of the most talented and powerful Jedi of his time. He was known to be pretty all over the place as a child, and who knows if he would have survived without the Code and the Order. The code encourages compassion without the kind of love that involves being attached. All of this means that the strictness of the Jedi teachings are really in place to protect the Jedi and those around them from the pain of them losing control of their considerable power. When loss of control means becoming a murderous, unstable super-powered Sith, the stability provided by the Code and the Order were in many ways necessary.
Towards the end of the Old Republic (right before the empire) the Jedi Order had become weak. This is where the anti-Jedi arguments in the fandom absolutely have, to an extent, a point. The Jedi Council, and by extension the Order, had become too limited by and tangled in the corruption and bureaucracy of the Galactic Senate. As the galaxy’s government spun slowly out of control, they dragged the Jedi, their peacekeepers, with them in a way. The Jedi became more strict. Many say that Obi-wan’s mental health was not considered by the council after his master’s death, since he was left alone to care for a child he was not prepared for. But how much do we know about that? We have no canon proof of that (although I could be wrong about that, if there's any canon material that says otherwise please correct me, I'd genuinely love to hear about it). We don’t know how much his mental health was addressed. (okay. Don’t get me started on Anakin. The council really fucked up there.) The Jedi have nothing against talking about their feelings if it helps them retain control over them. (Again, while I absolutely agree that extreme emotional control isn’t fantastic for mental health, in this specific case there is a very good reason for it [mainly preventing mass homicide]). However! Here’s the big thing! Obi-wan could have left. He didn’t leave because of Anakin, and his promise to Qui-gon. The Jedi were his family, and he wanted to fulfill what he viewed as his obligation to them. The toll the clone wars took on the Jedi was entirely the Council’s fault for participating in the war. The Jedi are peacekeepers, and fighting in wars is not peaceful. That’s a whole other text novel. But again: Anakin grew up. Obi-wan could have left. No hard feelings. The Jedi do not hold grudges. They would have been sad to see him go, they would have tried to convince him to stay, but they would not have stopped him. The Council failed him and Anakin, but I really blame Qui-gon for dragging Anakin into the whole thing, and for binding Obi-wan to him with a promise that he knew his Padawan would die before breaking. In conclusion, the events of raising Anakin and the subsequent Clone Wars are big reasons for Obi-wan to leave in the name of mental health. The council is the only part of the order responsible for this (which Obi-wan was actually part of himself towards the end). The Jedi are not. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
edit: Just to be clear, I'm not saying how the jedi order operates in regards to their younglings/padawans/members is entirely healthy and good. I'm just saying it isn't entirely bad either. I think it's a complicated issue that I honestly really enjoy trying to untangle.
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A Peaceful Elf
Part VII
Halsin/Tav fanfic (slow burn, fluff, angst)
It was all one moment. A moment made of a hundred motions.
“Halsin could see the entire camp. The gnolls running down the hill into our little sanctuary. He whipped his left arm behind him, grabbing the table. Like a windmill, he hurled it at the gnoll’s chest while his other arm pulled me into the space where the table had been. I had turned in his arm and now faced the center of camp. I came face to face with a raging druid at the precipice of transformation. As another gnoll ran at him from his right, an eldritch blast propelled it through part of the tent, away from the growing mass of fur. I changed into my Rothe form and started heaving gnolls left and right. Karlach had lifted you up onto her shoulder and cleaved at least three of them in half as she tried to find a safe place to put you. One came up right behind her, but Astarion bit him, and then just kept hacking away. Lae’zel covered Karlach, absolutely annihilating three more, and they both moved to the edge of the camp when two gnolls overpowered me, and I turned back into, well, this…That’s when I got—,” you pointed to your thigh, now wrapped and splinted. A small pang shot through your skull as a headache began. Maybe less enthusiasm, yeah?
Shadowheart listened, pensively, from the adjacent cot. She was sitting up and processing now that she was awake. With two-thirds of the possible healers down, recuperation was slow going.
“And you’re telling me I was incapacitated from the beginning. That they threw something at me?” She frowned.
“Quite. It almost puts all of our practice these past few mornings to shame,” chastised Lae’zel as she placed a bowl of food near the cleric. “Eat. You will need it.” A hesitation, as if assessing Shadowheart, and then she turned on her heels and left.
“How are you feeling?” Halsin now made his way into the makeshift healer’s tent, stooping down to see us both.
“Better than I was last night, apparently. Tav was catching me up.”
“I heard,” he crouched down onto one knee. “You may have lost an opportunity as a bard, little leader,” he grinned. “I’m glad to see you both awake. What do you need?”
While Halsin tended to you and Shadowheart, outside the tent, you could hear tense conversation. Peering around the wide shoulders, you saw the rest of the group huddled together. Lae’zel and Wyll stood opposite from Astarion, Karlach and Gale. From their strained body language, there was clearly a disagreement. “Do you know what they’re on about?” Looking back at Halsin.
“Hm? Oh, the others. They seem to be at an impasse on whether to journey to the crèche or wait for you to heal. With that leg, limited healing potions, and this one,” he pointed his chin with a faint smile, “acting as our only functional healer, reasonable options are limited.”
“What about you? Or…did you meet your magic healing quota on us already?” You asked, realizing you hadn’t stuttered once in his presence this time. Perhaps it was the throbbing pain in your leg that kept you steady.
He pointed a finger at you as he inspected Shadowheart’s forehead. “Precisely. I believe some of them do not like the idea of leaving you here, while Lae’zel is quite determined to waste no more time with that worm in her head.” The cleric’s injury seemed to meet his standards.
All three of you looked back at the group. “They’ll listen to you, you know.” He turned back to you. “Would you like me to bring them over?”
Shadowheart adjusted her self and slid her legs off the cot, still gripping the side for balance. “I feel just about ready to make my way to the crèche or to search for a place with healing supplies. It’s unwise to go far without them, given what we face.”
“Mmm, this is true,” Halsin agreed.
You chewed the inside of your cheek, and thought about your options. “If we’re limited on anything medicinal, I’m in no state to move. If the pack does move forward to the crèche, perhaps they can find supplies AND a way to rid us of these little buggers. Hmm.” You paused, making up your mind, then told Halsin, “Alright, call them over.”
A quirked eyebrow, “yes, m’lady,” with a smile.
Okay, yeah that was a little bossy. They’re your allies not your dogs. Tone it down.
They all gathered around the entrance to the tent.
“Tav,” Lae’zel started, “it is folly waiting here another minute when our salvation lies at the foot of this mountain! Tell them so, for they will not listen to reason,” she hissed and shot a glare at Astarion, Gale and Karlach, who began to glow a bit brighter. Your head began to throb. Halsin knelt down near your cot again, searching for more bandages in one of the bags below a table.
“We’re not leavin’ her here to get eaten by any gnolls that want to come by. Are you actually daft, ‘Zel, or do you just want to be the one calling the shots that badly?” The tiefling fumed.
Astarion and Gale took a step back. Gale, obviously concerned; Astarion, seeming to place bets in his own mind.
“How DARE you insinua—”
“HOLD ON! Hold on—no one is trying to keep these critters any longer than necessary or put our Tav in any danger. Please,” Wyll walked in between the two fierce forces, his hands raised to both. Braver than me. “Perhaps Tav has a take on this.” They looked to you.
You took a deep breath, “The way I see it, with this leg, I’m no good traveling anywhere. We’ve gone on long enough with the tadpoles doing gods-knows-what in our skulls, and the crèche is a day’s walk. They may also have supplies. IF they don’t, or if things go south, we should probably send another group to reach the last farm or bit of civilization we passed. See what they can scrounge up. Shadowheart?” You had her attention. “I think you should go with Lae’zel to the crèche. That party will need someone to patch them up.” She scowled a bit at the simplistic characterization.
“Karlach,” She started to protest, but you raised a hand, “I’ll be fine, both parties will need help on their missions. Do you want to kick ass or go on scavenger duty?”
“I’ll be honest, I don’t believe a word you’re saying, you’re NOT fine, and you lie that you are all of the time, so why is this any different?” She stood, hulking arms crossed with a concerned frown. Everyone else found somewhere else to look, clearly agreeing with her assessment of your self-preservation skills.
When she cared, she cared fiercely. It was part of why everyone trusted her.
But she was stubborn. “Halsin, you’ve taken a look at this, am I fine?” You meant to say it as a patient to a caretaker. You immediately saw the problem with the statement. He looked back to you, curiously, then down at your leg.
“Ahem, uh, well, it—it’s not ready for travel, yet it seems to be stable. It just needs time.” He glanced back up at you, a bit flushed, and then turned back to the group.
“There, you see? I’m fine. The healer says so,” you gestured to Halsin, who’s back was now turned to you, still able to see the rosiness peaking at the edges of his cheek.
“UGH, fine, whatever. But if you die out here, so help me, I’ll find a scroll to bring you back and kill you myself. Got it?”
You grinned. “Got it. Now, where do you want to go?”
Karlach thought for a moment. “My back does still ache…the best way to loosen it up is to bash a few heads in.” She eyed Lae’zel, who frowned back. “Eh, I’ll take the crèche. Let’s see if they’re all as perky as you, ‘Zel.”
“Alright, that’s three. One more should do it.” Astarion, Gale, Wyll and Halsin were left.
“Maybe I can find that literature you’ve been recommending down there,” Gale said to Lae’zel. She almost smiled in approval; a rare sight. The four of them began walking back to their tents to gather armor and the like.
“Good, that leaves Astarion, Wyll and you to find supplies,” you told the druid. They all stopped and frowned at you.
“What, and leave you alone? You’re an idiot.”
“Yeah, I have to agree with Fangs on this one,” Karlach strode back to the tent you occupied.
“I’m stable, and I have company!” They all looked at Scratch and the owlbear. “Just leave me some food and I’ll be completely fine. If you’re truly concerned, we can move the camp a bit. To some where more defendable.” They all looked at you disapprovingly. “By the gods, I am fine!”
“Halsin,” Wyll looked down to the druid, ignoring you, “Two should be fine for the journey. How about you stay here, given that the patient seems to be suffering from delusions?”
“Oh, well that’s not new,” crooned the vampire, “all the same, I do think you should stay. She needs company and tending; just look at her, so frail.” A mournful look to you.
You were dumbstruck.
“So be it,” Halsin nodded to them. “If, she’ll have me.” He turned to you, still at eye level.
You were furious. “Fine,” you grated your teeth. Your headache now consumed most of your attention.
“Wonderful! Now that everyone’s happy, let’s get going. The sooner we can be done with all of this, the better.” Astarion gave you a meaningful glance, then sauntered to his tent.
Unfuckingbelievable. You weren’t frail, you didn’t need a caretaker, you could do well enough. All you needed was a crutch. Maybe something for your head. They were blowing this out of proportion, Astarion probably did it just to needle you about how time at camp with him went, the nosy little twit. I’m going to learn how to grow poison ivy JUST to wrap him in it overnight, you fumed.
Halsin, the only one now present, covered your revealed foot with the blanket. “I—I’ll start our meal. Do you need anything in the meantime?”
Through your frustration, you could feel your stomach flip. Your frown slackened and you found your voice had lost its edge. “A crutch would be a good start, if you have a moment.”
“Certainly,” he beamed, patting the cot as if the gesture was a form of punctuation.
You grimaced from the jostle it caused.
“Oh, I’m—I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to—”
“It’s fine! It’s fine. See? I’m good,” you turned your grimace into a close-lipped grin.
“…Right. Uh, I’ll go find something for you. Apologies.” He rose up, careful to not touch the cot again, and strode out.
—
Hells, they’re cracked, thought Karlach as she shook her head, witnessing the moment from outside her tent.
—
How many days would it be? One day to the crèche, probably a day there, then a day back. You watched him leave, assessed your leg, then bit your lip at the sharp pain that followed. Lying across your frame was the blanket he had wrapped around your shoulders the night before.
You pulled it slowly up closer to your chest, knit your fingers into the weave. Maybe just a quick nap. You dozed off with the scent of sage and thyme wafting through your dreams.
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