#considering what he does in the game at this rate I wouldn't be surprised if he DOES own a hot topic

[zzoupz]

I love it when people draw him like a hot topic manager I really do

#considering what he does in the game at this rate I wouldn't be surprised if he DOES own a hot topic #faith the unholy trinity #faith game #gary miller #zoup art #in true self indulgent fashion i got so carried away w this

[onlyseokmins]

"teach 'em"

Titling, tagging, and adding to my masterlist bc I don't think it deserves to get lost in my thot tags only... But it's informal af hehe

was thinking about loser!chan (again) who's like a 2.5 on the virgin (1) to whore (10) scale.

your new boyfriend is a sweetheart. he has the prettiest eye smile and he's uber talented. you love to see the passion when he's dancing and the strong bond between his older friends that are like brothers to him. that very same energy carries over to how he takes care of you. he's always fussing over your well-being and checking in on you in a non-intrusive way. you adore him.

bonus points for the foreplay before sex being hot and heavy. he's a fabulous kisser and he even has a great dick that feels equally as great when he's inside of you.

so why is he still a loser?

because his stroke game is sloppy at best and unfulfilling at worst, the latter happening much too often than you even want to admit to yourself - let alone him. which is shocking considering the way you've seen him hip thrust on stage.

it's just that you feel so freaking good squeezing around him and - oh fuck, oh no! - he's cumming way too soon again. you know this by how often he tells you, letting out a heavenly sob of "thank you for having the best pussy pussy in the world," and "thank you for letting me stick my dumb dick inside."

honestly, you're awfully flattered he has trouble retaining any control over himself. there's something quite intimate about the ropes of his release warming up your womb, still full of his softening cock as he grunts and babbles grateful praises in your ear.

but that doesn't eliminate the fact that you've only memorably cum once after the multiple rounds of sex you two have shared. and the reason you even did in the first place was by wrapping your legs around his hyper-thrusting hips, trying to keep him aligned to continuously hit that one spot with the enlarged head of his cock that had your toes curling.

and just as you're about to hit that peak climax - chan cums first - of course. but it's alright, you're almost there. gummy inner walls spasming around his pulsating cock while he whines at the sensitivity. what finally tips you over that much-needed edge is the warm dampness pooling in your clavicle - your sweet channie so pussy-drunk he's drooling on and over you. only a fool wouldn't forgive him for any of his blunders. though it is your first achieved orgasm with him, you're elated that he possesses some capability of making you cum.

but that was a good month (or more) ago and it's high time that you have that deep conversation with your loving boyfriend. and he's as remorseful as expected. in fact, you think he's near tears at the fear of you breaking up with him over this.

you aren't - obviously. he's perfect in every way, he just needs to learn how to use his dick better to please someone. and it certainly piques your interest when he cusses a certain someone out under his breath while running a distressed hand through his hair.

"what did you just say?"

"um... that it's all cheol's fault."

oh. so your boyfriend's technique actually sucks only because he had a bad teacher. not because he's inherently bad at sex. it doesn't quite add up though, because seungcheol is allegedly the famed fuckboi of the century and self-rated an 11 on the virgin to whore scale...

"call him."

"what?"

"i need to conduct some research."

so chan does as he's told, dialing the bane of your existence because you've never truly gotten along with that competitive, cocky son of a bitch from your graduating class.

"hello?"

"what would you do to make me cum?"

your boyfriend looks so mortified you're pleasantly surprised he hasn't passed out or hung up already. and seungcheol is either too stunned to speak or silently gloating before he finally replies, "darling i think you called the wrong number... with the phone of the one you're supposed to be talking to about this. are you drunk? where's that little boyfriend of yours?"

"i'm not drunk," you roll your eyes hard enough so he can hear it in the tone you always use with him. "and he's not little."

"could've fooled me."

"i'm sure you would know how big he is since you supposedly were the one who taught him all he knows."

seungcheol snorts. "guessing he's not able to satisfy you with that so-called big dick of his."

"i dunno, i think it's 'cause he had a shit-ass teacher. tell me, have you ever made someone orgasm before? like for real?"

"not anyone with the kind of attitude you have." there's some shuffling in the background. "brats like you... well, they - you - don't deserve it."

"gosh, you're so irritating." you spit out before smiling kindly at chan, squeezing his hand reassuringly. "hey, cheol... i think you're avoiding my question so you should come and show us how good your methods really are. and maybe you can make me cum along the way with such stellar teachings."

and then you hang up.

"i-i - " chan stutters, "if he's gonna come down... i m-mean... i'll study harder for you, baby - "

"relax," you press a finger to his lips and then smirk when there are two sharp bangs resonating outside your shared apartment, "looks like our sulky upstairs resident decided to grow a pair."

your boyfriend sighs. "couldn't resist, could he?"

sure enough, when you open the door - there stands your nemesis - choi seungcheol.

he glares, daring to try and look at you with a hint of disdain as if he isn't the one who has a light sheen of sweat on his forehead after running down the steps rather than wait for the elevator. impatient as always, along with a growing bulge in his sweatpants.

"wow... you came so fast!" you fake-clap to mock him further. "i always knew you and channie wanted to share me... trying to ruin my precious boyfriend's dick game 'cause you were jealous he got inside my tight, wet cunt that you always wanted first."

chan's mouth nervously opens and closes behind you and he gulps when the eldest of his friends gives him that look. "i-it wasn't my fault!"

you cling to his arm with a pout, eating up the way you can play off this game with the other man who's nothing but a menace.

"don't be mean to the love of my life, cheollie."

if the look shared between them hadn't already dampened your panties, they soaken even further when seungcheol's dark gaze lands back on you.

feral. hungry. wanting.

got him.

you've always had him wrapped around your little finger anyways and he hated... loved... every moment of it.

"on the bed. naked. both of you. chan on top," he commands - no, demands - and you slide excited fingers down your boyfriend's forearm and take him by the hand, skipping to the bedroom.

while getting into said position, you both start giggling at the realization while whispering words of love to each other that has seungcheol rolling his eyes because it feels like he's already forgotten.

he flops dramatically on the ottoman by the bed and loudly says, "alright young 'un. go ahead and start su - "

"i want you to fuck me, channie. please put your huge dick in my needy pussy... i'm dripping..." and then you whisper in his ear, "all for you, promise."

"shit," your boyfriend - ever the good listener - rubs his tip along your entrance in awe before sliding in with a whine, "you're ruining the bedsheets already..."

"ah please, ruin me."

"fuck, baby you're gonna ruin me."

seungcheol's eyebrow twitches. so does his cock. "hold on a sec, you're going too fast - "

"faster! destroy my cunt with your large cock! i love your fat cock in me so much."

you cling to chan's shoulder blades as he gets lost once more in the rhythmic pulses of your walls perfectly massaging his leaking dick. the extra presence in the room no longer even a thought with his erratic, achingly desperate thrusts. though you're trying to coach and egg him on as usual, he doesn't even need to be hitting your g-spot at this moment because you stare over his shoulder at a different set of brown eyes that shoot heat undeniably right to the center of your core.

seungcheol's jaw is clenched, a hand over his own hard-on. either to hide the pre-cum starting to stain his sweats and/or reluctantly giving in that he's enjoying this more than anyone could even think.

unfortunately, you're moaning so loudly over and over again about the thick, wonderful, ginormous cock (so true) of your beloved boyfriend that he's getting irked again and hates how it's kind of killing his mood.

"that's just 'cause you haven't seen mine yet," he grumbles.

scratching at chan's back, you sneer at the bitter observer. "fine, by the bed. naked." you mimic his tone, if not some of his words, from before. "let me see that prized fuckboi cock you're so proud of."

and soon enough you have one impressively large cock in one hand and your boyfriend about ready to coat your pussy with his cum.

and even sooner, you have two men on their backs for you - one weeping (and his poor dick too) from the overstimulation and the other nearly tearing your ruined bedsheets because you are so insistent on (meanly) edging him with your cruel grip on his large cock.

"fuck you," seungcheol huffs.

"you wish," you bite back and seat yourself back on chan hearing his telltale whimper. making sure to catch the final weak spurts of his cum in your greedy cunt.

let's just say with seungcheol's lack of assistance but much needed presence, you work on effectively teaching not only your darling boyfriend how to please his partner but also the fake fuckboi that might just join your sexy sessions from now on.

if not to learn from the real pro, then definitely in the hopes that one day he might get to touch, taste, or fuck even the tip of his cock in your pussy he's been fantasizing about for years.

#Wow thought abt this last night and worked on it between meetings lol it got so long! #>:) #ez.thots #dino.thots #cheol.thots #svt.thots #svt smut #seventeen smut #kpop smut #smut #seungcheol smut #scoups smut #dino smut #lee chan smut

[felassan]

Some more snippets of interest and insight from Mark Darrah PART 1, from a Mark Darrah on Games YouTube video where he is livestreaming playing Dragon Age II [link to Part 2] -

On Dragon Age: Dreadwolf and sort've like, the franchise in general:

A comment in chat asked ''Did you see the new BioWare blogpost about skill trees? Any thoughts on it?'' Mark replied "Yeah, I saw it, nothing particularly world-shattering or controversial there." A comment in chat then said "I wasn't a fan of how that skill tree looked, it seemed too busy" and he explained that "I wouldn't put too much stock in what it looks like, they will definitely do a ton of usability stuff, so I wouldn't be too worried about the actual visual of it".

He observed that none of the things that are presented in the lore as having huge consequences are actually usually shown as such (as having them) in the Dragon Age games. For example, if you're a Grey Warden, the Blight/Taint isn't affecting you very much, and if you're Templar spec, the lyrium isn't affecting you very much - "so it's something that I think legitimately would be good to see a bit more of".

On Flemeth's death in DA:I, chat asked "so it's possible she's still alive after what Solas did to her?" Mark replied "I mean, it's possible, if BioWare wanted her to survive the end of DA:I they could probably do that because they've sort've established the 'she can come back, somehow'" stuff [said in the context of Flemeth's DAII amulet delivery Horcrux scene].

Chat asked "Does Solas consider modern elves his 'people'?" Mark replied "I don't think Solas considers, I think Solas barely considers anyone his people, at this point." A comment in chat then said "I thought he grew a little more fond of the Dalish after DA:I?" and Mark replied "Yeah, I think he is more fond of them [then] but I still don't think he would consider them his people".

A comment in chat said "​I think it would be nice to get a game set in the ancient history of elven empire". Mark said "I don't think we'll ever get something set in a pre-Fade [Veil] world, I mean, I could see something - [cut off by in-game combat]".

Chat asked about griffon mounts in DA:D. Mark replied "What's the present time period in Last Flight in terms of year? Because I don't know how long it takes for griffons to grow to adulthood." When chat advised that Last Flight happens a year or two after DA:I, so about 8 years before DA:D, Mark replied "Oh, so maybe. I don't know how long it takes griffons to grow up".

Someone in chat expressed in surprise, "DA:D is 10 years after DA:I???" Mark explained that "I think the idea is that, I think, the idea is that Dragon Age advances at roughly the same rate as the time between the games. I mean, I guess that's not what we did in DAII, because we have ten years pass in that game, but. They've definitely been releasing new books and stuff and time has been moving forward with that".

"I don't think a silent protagonist is gonna fly for AAA RPGs. Even Bethesda has moved away from it".

Someone in chat asked, "Is it honestly possible to start the DA series with DA:D? I think it's possible to start at any of the first 3 games but DA:I seems very important". Mark replied, "They'll definitely make it so that you can onboard with DA:D. That would be a big huge mistake for them not to do that. You'd be asking a lot to ask someone to start/onboard by playing a game from 2009." He later continued, "I would say that a significant percentage of DA people, not most, but a significant percentage, have only played DA:I. DA:O wasn't an attractive game even when it came out, now it's very aged".

There has been an active decision made for the franchise away to move away from dark fantasy as a genre (like it was in DA:O) for a couple of reasons. One is that it's kind of soul-crushing for the devs to work on stuff like that. Also, that's the sort of genre that The Witcher is. DA:I was moving away and kind of differentiating itself from The Witcher. (Everything in RPG games was dark fantasy in 2009 to 2011, and now we barely have any dark fantasy games at all.)

Relating to this Mark also pointed out that with the question of what dark fantasy is, a lot of this comes down to what you consider that to be. DAII and DA:I both have lots of dark fantasy themes, but if you consider it purely from a visual perspective, he doesn't think that Dragon Age will ever visually be a dark fantasy game/ever visually be a dark fantasy game again because it has slowly been turning the level of magic up. Dark fantasy typically has very low magic, and the goal for DA for a while has been to slowly turn the magic up. "There are still definitely dark fantasy themes in there though and I think there always will be in Dragon Age. I don't think it will ever be high magic like Final Fantasy though, I think it's more just trying to get it away from the very low levels of magic, which is what we had in DA:O especially, to differentiate itself a bit."

[source]

He also talked more generally about DAII and the previous games in general. These bits are collected under a cut due to length:

Chat asked "​so, if you could ideally redo how blood magic looks in DAII, what would you replace the self-impalement with?''. Mark mentioned that he likes the way blood magic is discussed in DA:I where it's like 'these are the actions of an amateur' and you can be much more subtle (given that mind control is considered blood magic). "I think it's a little too much".

Another reason why some of the Dalish changed to Welsh accents in DAII was probably the fact that they had found a voice actor that they liked for Merrill, who happened to be Welsh

In DA:II, the wave-spawning mechanic of enemy mooks was a time saver for asset creation

Why spiders? They're creepy and otherworldly, but also common irl so there's a ton of reference material for devs to go by. They also have a 3D aspect to them without having to have flying implemented, which is good because flying is a huge design problem

Chat asked about the "Awesome Button" marketing for DA:II. Mark explained that "The idea for DAII was to have two-tiered marketing - 'frat house' marketing (it's a cool action game!), and 'tree house' marketing (for the Dragon Age 'core' [fans]). But the way marketing was run was that effectively, none of the 'tree house' stuff was done. I think it would have been fine if it had been backed up with stuff showing the more RPG elements of the game. As a result of it being all on its own all we got was confirmation from the core that this had been dumbed down for consoles, so a lot of the backlash at launch comes from just confirming peoples' fears. The game isn't so different [to DA:O] that there wasn't opportunity to prepare the audience better. And that wasn't done. I'm not necessarily super against the actual 'Button', I mean it was overdone, I'm not against it as a part of the marketing campaign, but it started to be too much of the marketing campaign. The frat house marketing wasn't supposed to push the DA core out, it was supposed to be delivered with something else, but effectively it did that. There were issues for sure"

Mark said that his biggest complaint about DAII is that one of the messages that comes out of it, to his mind, is that 'everything the Templars believe is right, mages are all going to become abominations given half a chance', because at the end of the game all the mages basically flip. "I think that could have been navigated a little more cleanly. It basically says 'better not be casting a spell and get a papercut because otherwise, demon'. It isn't that you can't make it make rational sense, but it is confirming a lot of the anti-mage propaganda"

He observed that DAII storytelling is like 'you're fighting against the sea'. He said that he really enjoyed that but not everyone did, as you lost a lot of agency as a result

A comment in chat said "Apparently, David Gaider has been saying that DA:O should get a remaster in PC Gamer". Mark replied "David Gaider has no way of knowing that, even less than I do"

A question in chat was "How does BioWare decide on the default canon worldstate?" Mark replied "I think it's a combination of, if we have the telemetry, going with the majority, and also 'we really need this person for some reason so let's write into that'. But I do think it typically goes with majority rules if that data is available"

Chat asked "Has Flemeth been weakened by putting a piece of herself in the amulet? Like permanently." Mark said "I think the answer is as dictated/needed by the story"

Regarding the piece of Flemeth and amulet in DA:II, he said "you could look at it through the 'Archdemon, Corypheus' lens and she's body-hopping, just through a more elaborate ritual probably"

A comment in chat said "We get a peek in Trespasser that before the Fall of Arlathan, the Elves were more or less Tevinter where powerful mages enslaved everyone else". Mark replied "Tevinter is basically the old elven empire, it's a photocopy of a photocopy of the old elven empire, for sure".

A comment in chat said "Do you think they write Solas too convincingly? I saw people legitimately saying he was right." Mark replied, "I think that's what you would want from a villain, I think you want a villain that you can say is right. He definitely believes that he is the only person that can fix everything. He would be a terrible manager. He would be micromanaging you to death. I think Solas believes that we are in the best possible universe currently because he did the best possible thing at the best possible moment, even when it didn't go right. He absolutely has Main Character Complex. He's probably the most Main Character cCmplex of every character ever"

A comment in chat said "it just sounds like Solas thinks the only 'real people' are ancient elves". Mark replied "you're not wrong, I think that's basically where Solas sits, maybe not if he thinks about it, but kind've his default is like, ancient elves are people, everyone else is someone who came along later and is kind've in the way"

Qunlat is a very literal languauge

"The Qunari are the youngest race for sure"

We haven't really yet interacted with any "civilian" Qunari much

The games haven't spent much time on the Qun's concept of gender roles, "so it's kind of half-baked as a result and a lot of people just find it very confusing"

The games often inject different pronunciations for place names depending on the characters' accents

In DAII, Act 1 is more like 2 acts together

Players tend to stick most to the companions that they're used to, so people don't use Sebastian very much because you don't recruit him until Act 2

A question in chat was "How come this game [DAII] is so stingy with money? I always feel like I'm barely scraping by." Mark explained "that's the point, is that, this whole beginning part up until Act 2 is about you not having enough, barely scraping by, like it's supposed to be this refugee story. Even then the balance is kind've off, because you can basically still get the 50 sovereigns in Act 1 doing mainly critpath stuff only"

A person in chat quoted lore: "According to dwarven scholars, surface dwarves may soon outnumber their underground-living peers." Mark replied "the 'according to dwarven scholars' is the perfect example of the unreliable narrator, whether that ends up being true or not, that could just be propaganda on the part of Orzammar itself"

On Branka making golems, if she's left to do so in DA:O, he said "I never got a very clear understanding of how many golems there are if she is. I always assumed it was in the hundreds, not tens of thousands. If it was the latter it would change the balance of power in Thedas dramatically"

In the current timeline, present day Tevinter and the Qunari in Par Vollen are presented as being the two strongest nations. "Everything else is kind of in balance, Orlais and Ferelden were fairly strong but then banged at each other and brought themselves down to the level of about Antiva, the Anderfels etc. They're all kind of recovering powers, though Antiva, not so much, it was never a superpower as it has always used assassins to keep people at bay."

"Tevinter was the Ottoman Empire back in the day, 'the rest of Europe worries about them and unites to stop them if necessary'. Honestly, a Tevinter-Qunari battle that was on a large enough scale would probably turn into World War One with people picking sides for political reasons. I could totally see Ferelden taking the side opposite of the one Orlais chooses."

At this point I ran out of characters in this post, Part 2 of this post can be found here. :)

(pls note that in places there is a bit of paraphrasing of the info, the best source is always the primary source with full quotes in their original context)

[source]

#dragon age: dreadwolf #dragon age 4 #the dread wolf rises #da4 #dragon age #bioware #video games #solas #fav warden #long post #longpost #sry these posts were originally posted early unfinished w/ some broken links by mistake and in the wrong order #theyre now finished & fixed ^^

[tommybowefuneralattendee]

362, spommy :]

number 362 on the spreadsheet is from this list of prompts the prompt you generated in specific is: hesitantly tugging the other's fabric of their shirt or sleeve, testing the waters

linked on ao3 || read under the cut || 4.4k, rated T

The first time Spencer feels a pull at the bottom of his shirt from a person who is not less than ten years old, he's at work. It's not a big deal. He's in the middle of something, sure, but it doesn't feel insistent. Whoever it is waits for the minute that he's directing stuff for Games, silent until Spencer turns around to see them. And it's Tommy. So it's not like he was ever going to be mad anyway. He raises his eyebrows, looking up at the other man's face with a smile. Tommy's fingers pinch at the hem of the front of his shirt now. He's so fucking cute.

"Hey," Tommy says, just looking at Spencer for a moment without speaking. They've agreed not to do the whole public display of affection at work thing (and in general), out of respect for everyone else but also just because they haven't been together that long. That was one of the surprises of the beginning of their relationship, honestly. He's always been somewhat affectionate in his relationships, sure, and he had thought that he had been clingy in previous relationships. He can't keep his fucking hands off of Tommy, though, and it doesn't seem like vice versa is happening either. Like somewhat in a sexual way, but also in the fact that Spencer wants to be touching him all the time, and he wants to look at him all the time, and he has never thought of himself as a guy in one of those annoying couples, openly besotted with one another, but well. Then he met Tommy.

"Hi," he replies, that saccharine honeymoon phase sweetness wrapping even around that single word. Tommy pulls him a little closer, fingers twisting in the bottom of Spencer's shirt. It's fucking cute, so he's not even irritated by it. He just fucking likes the guy so much. They've been officially dating a month or so, and he can't decide whether they should be over this part yet, but he doesn't know how to love Tommy at a lower volume and he's not super into the idea of teaching himself how.

"You look good today," Tommy says. Spencer snorts, rolling his eyes and looking away from his boyfriend.

"Did you just interrupt your whole day to come tell me I look pretty?"

"Hey now, I said you look good, no one ever said pretty," Tommy protests, wrinkling his nose.

"So you don't think I'm pretty?" Spencer asks, outright grinning now with it being so easy to wind Tommy up. Tommy breathes out through his nose and obviously tries not to rise to Spencer's bait, but after a moment of inaction scrunches his nose and physically shakes off the sensation of attempting to limit his ire.

"That is also not what I said! I do think you're pretty, I just didn't know if that was, like, an okay compliment for you, some guys are uncomfortable with it," he says, his tone embarrassed and waspish as he peters off there. Spencer can't fucking help but look at Tommy like he hung the moon in the sky. He rocks on his feet into the other man's orbit.

"You can call me whatever you want," Spencer says, not without a note of challenge. Tommy raises an eyebrow, returning the challenge.

"Anything?"

"Within reason," he says, trying to stick a caveat of sorts on it, but he's hardpressed to think of a single thing he wouldn't at least consider with Tommy. It's Tommy. If he's into something a little weirder than handcuffs and shit, then, like, whatever, right? It's Tommy. Several images pass through his mind at once of doing things he's never done in his life with Tommy, images he does not allow himself to linger upon at all because they are at work, dude, keep it together. Tommy's looking down at him with a smile and narrowed eyes, like Spencer is something he's trying to figure out.

"You would totally, like, actually let me call you Daddy if I wanted to. Dude, you like me so much it makes you look stupid," Tommy observes, because there really is no other word for it. It's true, Spencer does. Still, he scoffs.

"How dare you? My stupidity makes me look stupid, so jot that down," he says, snorting at his own joke as Tommy swats at him.

"Shut up, you're not stupid, stupid," Tommy sputters, one of his hands lifted like he's going to push Spencer back, but he just lays his palm flat on Spencer's chest instead. Spencer puts his own hand over it, fondness thick in his throat as he laces their fingers one over another.

"You say such sweet things to me, baby," he says, maybe a little quieter than an appropriate speaking volume but a little louder than a whisper, surely. The desire to pull Tommy down to kiss him is so strong it aches, clawing through him like hunger pangs. Tommy is looking at him like he can't help but agree.

"This is not work appropriate, Spencer Agnew," he says, lips pursed. They're shiny. Spencer flicks his gaze back up to make eye contact.

"You're the one who came over here to tell me I look pretty, dude," he replies, the desire to kiss Tommy not getting any smaller, and the gap between them not getting any larger. Knuckles are knocked against the door frame twice and they both look over, seeing a sheepish Shayne shrugging his shoulders.

"Hey guys, sorry, but Lisa said she needed Tommy, and Spence, you're about five minutes late for a meeting," he reminds them both, smiling apologetically before he taps the door frame again and moves on with his day. They separate from one another reluctantly, Spencer squeezing Tommy's fingers between his own before heading down to his meeting. It could have been an email. He doesn't see Tommy again til the end of the workday; Tommy walks him to his car, opens his stupid fucking door for him, stands with Spencer's car door open and leans against it while they finish their conversation, the whole nine. He kisses Spencer and asks him to come over, in the parking lot where anybody could see them. Spencer makes the drive to Tommy's apartment with the memory of that kiss burning within him.

They have a really nice night together. Tommy makes him promise to text him when he gets home. Something hot and bright takes up residence in his rib cage.

He's editing when he feels it this next time, and the fact that it's a recurrence rather than the first time does make it less surprising to find that it's Tommy pinching the fabric of the shoulder of Spencer's shirt between two fingers. He finds a stopping place pretty quickly and then spins his chair around to face Tommy, who is much closer than Spencer thought he was. Like, logically, it makes sense that Tommy was right behind him before he turned the chair but now Spencer's boyfriend is looming over him and wow, that's hot actually. He's a short king but he's never really dated someone taller than him before; most of his exes are cis women around average height. Tommy is like half a foot taller than him. Sitting down, Spencer has to tilt his head back to look at him, hooking his fingers in Tommy's belt loops.

"What's up?" he asks with a grin, helplessly happy to see Tommy as always. Tommy's expression goes soft just for looking at him and it sends warmth through Spencer.

"I had a question," Tommy says, though instead of asking anything, he just continues to look at Spencer. Spencer grins.

"Forgot your question, huh, Squidward?"

"Despite it happening every time, I still get surprised that you're always cuter than the last time I saw you." Spencer groans.

"Baby, you are down so bad for me. Listen to yourself," he says, leaning his head against Tommy's stomach. Tommy cards his fingers through his hair and Spencer fights the urge to go pliant against him and just let Tommy hold him up. There's a worried quality to the gentleness of his hands, like he's handling Spencer with care. It's equal parts nice and disorienting. He doesn't know that anyone has ever looked after him like Tommy does. Tommy tilts Spencer's head back into his hands, his thumbs behind Spencer's ears as he adjusts Spencer to look at him. Spencer just lets himself be moved. What is he if not supplicant beneath Tommy's hands?

"You okay?" Tommy asks, head tilted. Spencer gives a short laugh and nods as well as he can, looking down and away from making eye contact with Tommy. So maybe he hasn't been sleeping well lately, and maybe he hasn't slept well since the last night he and Tommy slept in the same bed, but even if those things were true, they would be Spencer's problems and not Tommy's problems. It's Spencer's own fault he barely takes care of himself. He's overcaffeinated and overworked and he knows that, it's just that knowing that doesn't mean there's less work to do and it doesn't mean he has more time to sleep. Giving a small concerned noise, Tommy runs his fingers through Spencer's hair, which is not a fair thing to do when Spencer is trying to compose himself.

"I'm fine, Tommy," he says, knowing as soon as it drops out of his mouth that he said that a little too flatly for Tommy to go with it. True to form, Tommy frowns.

"Hey, I wanna help. We've talked about this, bub," Tommy says, and they have, and Spencer sighs. It was one of their first... it wasn't a fight, really. They haven't been together that long, they haven't gotten into any real fights yet. There is, however, a pretty open policy to their relationship where if something is bothering them, they bring it up. He had actually been the one to bring it up, thinking about Tommy's disposition to hold a grudge, the way he minimizes his own annoyance til it explodes. Tommy had agreed to tell him if he was ever bothered, but not without some conditions of his own. Tommy will ask for help as long as Spencer will too. So yeah, Spencer sighs.

"Come over tonight?" he asks, leaning back into Tommy's hands. Tommy raises his eyebrows.

"Come over like have dinner together or come over like-"

"Come over like spend the night, Tommy. Come over like sleep in my bed," Spencer clarifies, low and honest. Nodding, Tommy starts to lean down, aborting the motion after thinking it through, probably. They're at work. Even a quick kiss is too much PDA for work, right? They're in public. It doesn't mean that Tommy pulling away without kissing him doesn't sting a little. They agreed on little to no PDA.

He still can't control the way his face falls. He's not a miracle worker.

"I should get back... I'll come find you if I remember my question?" Tommy asks, posing it as a question as if Spencer would ever not want Tommy around. Be so fucking for real. Spencer gives him a smile and a nod and Tommy squeezes his shoulder. It's not the kind of goodbye that Spencer would like them to have with one another. He doesn't even know what he would rather them do, but this thing where they're not acting any different than when they were just friends is throwing him off. And like, they agreed to no PDA and he's aware of that, and he's cool with that! He'd never want Tommy to do something he's not comfortable with. Maybe it would be nice, though. Who knows?

It isn't just happening at work now. At the grocery store, when they're cooking dinner together, if he wants to hold Spencer's hand while they're walking. Tommy'll just tug on Spencer's sleeve or the bottom of his shirt or the lapel of his jacket or his belt loops, using anything really to get a grip on Spencer to get his attention. A lot of the time, Tommy looks at him apologetically after he does it, like he hadn't meant to do it and thinks Spencer is annoyed with him for it. But like, Spencer couldn't be further from annoyed if he tried. It's fucking cute, you know?

And like of course it's cute. It's Tommy. Be realistic.

When they end up having to talk about it, Spencer is glad that they're at home. Tommy's place, anyway. Home is relative these days. They're standing in the kitchen debating what they're going to eat, and Spencer was looking through the cabinet when there's a pull at the back of his shift. Used to it by now, Spencer smiles and turns, Tommy's hand moving to the front hem. For some reason, he's not expecting Tommy to look embarrassed, retracting his hand.

"Sorry-" Tommy starts, but Spencer takes his wrist in hand, pulling it back to rest at the hem of his shirt. Tommy doesn't return to the action at first, so Spencer makes it more obvious, holding the fabric out for Tommy to grab. He does so reluctantly.

"I don't mind," Spencer assures, smile soft as he looks up at Tommy. Tommy looks down at him, obviously skeptical, expression still tinged with that thick embarrassment Spencer would do anything to assuage.

"You don't mind that I tug on your shirt like a little kid," Tommy says, deadpan and flat. Spencer shrugs.

"I mean, yeah," he says. It's that simple for him. He doesn't mind. Why would he mind? It's cute. It's sweet. It's Tommy. Why the fuck would he mind?

"I know it's annoying, Spence, you don't have to pretend it isn't," Tommy continues, cynical smile splitting his mouth. Spencer grabs Tommy's hand back from where it's holding onto his shirt, lacing their fingers and pulling Tommy over to the couch. Some conversations are better had sitting down and holding onto one another, and so they will. He sits down and pulls Tommy to stand in front of him, leading him to sit forward in Spencer's lap and pulling him closer then into a hug. Tommy breathes out a relaxing breath through his nose slowly, tucking it into the rolled collar of Spencer's hoodie. Hands spread across Tommy's back to hold him close, Spencer takes it upon himself to clarify something.

"I like it," he says, to which Tommy immediately rears back to squint at him.

"You what." It doesn't even sound like a question, still Spencer smiles and answers, holding his hand to Tommy's cheek.

"I like when you pull on my shirt, or my sleeve, or my belt loops, or whatever. It's cute and it-" he pauses, unsure if the other part is something you tell other people or just an inside his head thought. He doesn't always know how to tell those apart. Tommy hooks his fingers where he had tucked his nose before.

"And it what, Spence?" he asks, quiet and gentle, and Spencer could swear he was the one doing the reassuring here. Sometimes it feels like they pass the idea of being the composed one back and forth, bloodhounds for one another's soft spots. Spencer clears his throat, looking down and to the left.

"It makes me feel like you need me. That part's kinda nice," he admits, clearing his throat again like that'll get rid of the ball of anxiety that he just can't swallow. A confused noise follows that, and when Spencer looks at him, Tommy only looks more puzzled than he did before.

"I do need you," Tommy says, dropping this as if it's obvious and the idea of someone not coming to the same conclusion had never even occurred to Tommy. Spencer raises a skeptical eyebrow, cognizant of the fact that they haven't been together very long, and Tommy could bounce back from breaking up with him pretty quickly if they did it now. Sometimes, it feels like he's always going to be waiting for that other shoe to drop. "Baby, you're my friend. Like even if I wasn't totally crazy about you, which, for the record, I am, we've been friends a good little while here. We've spoken almost every day for several years. I love you." There's a lump in Spencer's throat and Tommy's holding his face like he's something precious and Spencer doesn't know what to do with all of this sincerity.

"We were talking about you," he protests weakly, his expression souring. Tommy leans down and kisses him gently, backing off after just a moment of contact. Spencer strains up to follow him, but Tommy stays out of his reach. Fucking tall boyfriend. Asshole.

"I want to talk about you, now," Tommy says, using his hand on Spencer's jaw to tilt his head up a little more, making it nearly impossible to do anything besides make eye contact with him. He has pretty eyes. That's not really what they're talking about, though.

"I like when you grab onto me because it makes me feel like... it makes me feel like you want me around more than you care about looking normal and social niceties and being in public. It makes me feel like you don't mind what other people think if it means we're touching. It's really dumb, and romanticized, and I know I'm being like. Weird about it. So like, it's an in-my-head thing. I just don't want you to think that I'm annoyed with you for holding onto me, or pulling me places or whatever. I think it's neat. I don't know," he rambles, just closing his eyes halfway through because he doesn't know if he can bear how Tommy has to be looking at him right now. He knows he's weird in relationships sometimes. He likes the idea of someone (of Tommy) liking him to the point of caring more about having him close than about whatever societal rules they're supposed to be observing. They agreed upon little to no PDA. It's completely cool with him, but. The pulling is nice.

"Baby," Tommy whispers, brushing a kiss along Spencer's cheek as he tries to wrap himself entirely around Spencer through determination alone, his knees closing around Spencer's hips like somebody is gonna try and lift him off his boyfriend's lap or some shit. Spencer rubs his hand up Tommy's back again, not saying a goddamn word. "I want you like. All the time, dude. I like holding your hand and kissing you in public and being the sappy couple with you. I just didn't want to push it because we decided no PDA from go. Why did we decide on no PDA if we're both cool with PDA?" he asks, sounding more like he's musing aloud than actually posing the question. Still, Spencer answers. Such is his nature.

"I thought you wouldn't want to. Like, as a. Okay, logically, I know that we are together at least partially because you're attracted to me, but it's hard to remember sometimes that this incredibly hot guy is actually cool with the idea of people knowing we're in a relationship," he says, saying way too much and immediately pressing his face back into Tommy's shoulder and wishing he could, like, disappear or something. He's aware of the fact that his self esteem these days probably falls beneath double digits on the assessment they make you take at doctor's appointments when they know you're mentally ill. Like, he's aware. It's just that it's easier not to talk about it, to make it small and ignore it, self aggrandize til everyone thinks he believes his own myth too, and it's some fucking bullshit. Having low self esteem is some bullshit.

"The way that you think I would not sit on your lap in front of everyone we know is extraordinarily funny to me seeing as I do not know if I could project a more down bad for you vibe if I fucking tried, dude," Tommy says, smooth sarcasm running through his voice even as he makes Spencer blush a lurid red. He strokes his thumb over Spencer's cheekbone. Looking at him makes Spencer's heart ache, fondness almost as thick as nausea in his throat. Like love is something that he has to cough up, wisteria spreading itself through the branches of his bronchial tubes. He doesn't know what to do with all of that feeling.

"I really fucking like you, Tommy," he whispers, leaning into Tommy's hand. Tommy leans in and presses another kiss to his lips.

"Well, that's great, because I really fucking like you too, Spencer. I really fucking like you," Tommy repeats, kissing him again, longer this time and so sweet. Spencer lowers one of his hands and grabs Tommy's ass just because he can. Tommy breaks the kiss, snorting and pushing his face down against Spencer's collarbone.

"It's a nice ass," Spencer says, shrugging the shoulder that Tommy is leaning on. Experiencing the honk of Tommy's laugh this close would probably be startling if Spencer wasn't always looking to make it happen, always ready for it because it's what he wants to be happening. He likes making Tommy laugh like that, striking him with amusement he wasn't expecting to the level that he's not prepared for it, that he loses all sense of volume control. More in the positive, Tommy presses a kiss to his cheek, the laughter something Spencer can now feel as well, and he's in love with Tommy, fuck, he's in love with him. He won't tell him now. But fuck, it's true.

He isn't sure if when Tommy said he loved him, if he- it's really early for them to be saying I love you, right? Like, they've been friends for years, sure, but there's a pace that is supposed to apply here and it sure as fuck is not applying. But Tommy meant that he loves Spencer like he's always loved Spencer, like they've been friends since they started working together kind of love for Spencer. They're still working on the in love thing. There's no fucking way Tommy is in as deep as he is on this. He's this deep in because it's Tommy. Wait a fucking second.

"I think I just realized that you actually like me. Like right now. Like with you in my lap? Yeah. Like I think my brain has only been processing the part where I'm in love with you, and like the other side of that equation just never hit me before right now. Holy shit. You like me. Like genuinely," Spencer rambles, unable to stop the pace of his speech just given the absolute revelation of this, and how fucking dumb it is that this feels like a revelation. Tommy is looking down at him with open confusion. Well, he can dig that. He is aware that the way his brain works isn't always, like. Good. For him or for others. Realization crosses Tommy's face and he tenses, blinking and looking away from Spencer's face before he speaks.

"I don't make you feel like I love you?" he says, soft and a little sad. Fuck. He reaches up and cups Tommy's face in his palm, running his thumb over Tommy's cheekbone. He waits to speak til Tommy's looking at him, big brown eyes finally meeting his own.

"You make me feel so fucking special, dude. You make feel taken care of, and cared about, and enjoyed, and appreciated, and worthy in a way I didn't even know I was fucking missing. It just didn't click for me that like- that's. That's you loving me. That is me being loved by you," he says, trailing off with the last bit, heart pounding in his ears. Holy shit. That's how Tommy has looked at him this entire time, isn't it? He feels like he's been ignoring an entire aspect of their relationship, the obvious conclusion blocked by stupid ass low self esteem. Tommy leans down and kisses him softly, gentle and tender and all of that bullshit that makes Spencer feel so fucking loved under his hands. He loves him. Holy shit. How is anyone normal about being in love? This is crazy. What the fuck.

"I love you. Dumbass," Tommy murmurs against his jaw, leaning down on Spencer's shoulder. Spencer wraps his arms around him.

"I love you too," he says, the feeling of this interaction, this reassurance, this love a warm weight in his stomach, heat rising through his chest.

"You need to tell me if you feel like that," Tommy reminds him, bussing a kiss across his cheek. Spencer makes a vaguely agreeing noise.

"You need to tell me if you feel like that, too. I don't want you to ever feel like I'm annoyed by you being you. I'm not. I like when you pull me places and I like that you flirt with me badly when you're drunk and I like when you talk through movies and I like when you tell me about Drag Race I've never seen and I like everything else you've ever apologized to me just for doing. That's kinda, like, part of loving you, dude. I love you. Cute little habits and all," he rambles into Tommy's shoulder, unable to make himself pull back and look up at Tommy to say any of this. He doesn't like talking feelings shit. It's awkward and vulnerable and it makes him feel a little nauseous, but again. This is Tommy. If Tommy needs to know how absolute insane about him Spencer is, then well, he's gonna have to put his big boy pants on and tell him. Fuck.

"You really love me, huh?" Tommy says softly, like he's having the same revelation Spencer had a few minutes ago. Spencer chuckles roughly, leaning up to fumble through kissing Tommy gently, tears in his eyes.

"I think we need to start believing each other more, baby," he whispers, pulling a laugh from Tommy as well. His heart aches in his chest. Tommy kisses him, gentle and steady, before pushing himself up out of Spencer's lap, standing to his full height. He extends a hand to Spencer once he's firmly on his feet. Spencer raises an eyebrow.

"I'm thinking we lay down in bed and look through delivery apps for a little while?" Tommy proposes. Spencer lets himself be pulled up, lets himself be lead, lets himself be loved.

They end up ordering Chinese.

#spommy #spencer #tommy #smosh fic #rpf #prompt filled #ask answered #hope you like it !! #anonymous #mine

[xoteajays]

Now I'm curious to know if you have the same thoughts as me.. When you envision Rocky's dynamic ship (any ship) with a black widow type woman. What's the dynamic you think of. Because black widow types of archetype is a very interesting archetype to me. Most of the time.

Yes! Obviously he would buy her any of the favorite flowers she likes if he can buy those flowers. But he does seem like the classic roses guy to me. And like you mentioned, Rocky does have roses designed on a lot of his clothes too (like his clothes in End Of Sky, especially the red gloves). He's definitely the most traditional romantic of the H&L men.

~

Yes! Grungy. So of the tomboy and punk styles have a grungy style to their fashion.. Like grunge, punk, grungy punk. Those styles would be some of the styles I imagine for some of them anyway. So lots of their styles are definitely eclectic. They were what they are in the mood for.

And I knew about the skirts and shorts for Hinami because of her leg, since I think it would be difficult for her to walk around with any pants over her leg. Did you figure out how she got her injures? Or not yet?

If I'm rating my color coded characters on a scale to girly to tomboy... I would say Red and White/Green (don't know who of those two could be the girliest one), then Orange, then Blue. Blue is the most tomboy.

Despite Blue being the most tomboy one of these characters, I would have to say that Orange's actually the most physically active one with sports. She's definitely someone who would try anything once in life.

~

I have a vulgar thought. Which is no surprise to anyone. We've already established that if Rocky (or Koo) was romantically involved with girls - if they are really roommates in our stories, the other would probably leave to building for some time. Or just never leave their rooms until a lot of that was done. Or whatever they would do. Whatever happens... Anyway. What do you think would have if Rocky's girlfriend even tried to initiate sex with him while they were watching tv in the living room.

Obviously he would probably drag her to their room before actions do get too steamy between them. But I do also think it would be funny if the girlfriend kept trying to initiate sex with Rocky in public places. In the sense of public place areas being like those living room or kitchen areas instead of their bedroom, or in a backroom of Club Heaven. Not exactly in front of other people. But it's an interesting thought to me.

~

I keep forgetting that every country uses either °C and °F, so that just keeps throwing me off a bit. I don't know why. But I should be used to this by now. Anyway. 80°F is usually just spring and summer weather here (for the most part), sometimes on warmer autumn days but that doesn't happen that often though. You basically have summer season all year around. Basically like Florida, they always have warm weather.

~

Wait... Seriously? The new season that they keep promoting for Squid Games isn't actually a continuation to the original series like everyone thinks. But a reality game show of the series. Basically like the spinoff that no one wanted. Looking at the DTC spinoffs whenever I say that.

Then why promote the show like it's a second season then. Just say it was a spinoff show, not another season. I don't even watch the show.. But this is annoying me. That's just false advertisement in my opinion too. So why promote one thing it that thing is something else entirely different than what you're promoting. This annoys me way too much.

Maybe because I hate reality shows, and hate reality game shows like you wouldn't believe. I never had any interest in those type of shows.

Yes! Definitely give Red Garden a chance. I'd have recommendations.. But I should let you finish some other shows and movies before I may end up mentioning any more series. You'd already have a lot to watch.

There was a lot of anime cartoons that I watched as a child, like those 'cartoons' that were actually considered anime. Those cartoons.. But I don't remember every show I watched though so I can't remember if I might have watched Digimon. But I'd remember how the animation is to the show. Animation for anime and cartoons has improved greatly, at least when it comes to that specific series anyway. In my opinion.

At least now I know why you might need therapy then. Even that was the most bizarre animation, acting, dialogue.. You need therapy now.

So far enough. Both guys are attractive in their own way. So I may not blame the women if they have sex with either of those guys but then I would feel bad if the husband and wife cheated on each other though so I'm torn on that thought. Because I'm very strict about loyalty with the people who matter the most to you. So I'm very split on this topic.

But the mafia boss is stupid though. Vincenzo's not like that. Like the moment he feel in love with someone, he didn't act like an irrationally stupid person. He was still really intelligent about how he would have conducted his job as a mafia man and a lawyer. This guy's too stupid.

I feel like mafia men are actually attractive, besides their appearances I mean, is when they're actually intelligent. And he's not so intelligent.

Well.. If he's going to be thrown in prison, maybe even killed, then just have sex with the man once. Because events are just going to happen to him in some way. You'll probably never even actually see him again.

- 💋

i don’t have a full idea in mind, but i’m imagining like. a business rival type relationship. like a hostess club owner who manipulates the men that come into her business. she also takes in girls from bad situations, but as opposed to rocky’s protection of women, the black widow raises and trains up these girls in self defence ….. and also perhaps killing bad men. rocky treats the girls he takes in so carefully and protects them and kind of treats them like they’re fragile, but the black widow is like ‘women can kill. and they should.’ and probably does, admittedly, get her girls into some dangerous situations.

due to that difference, her and rocky butt heads over how they view and treat women. rocky’s ‘women need protecting’ vs the widow’s ‘women can protect themselves’.

also. the opposite colour dichotomy … but they both accent with red.

~

i haven’t fully decided on hinami’s accident yet. i still like the idea of her getting injured and then a bad infection while living in one of the crappy complexes from the worst spinoff. but i’m still trying to decide.

~

koo is just locking himself in his room whenever the gf comes around. like a polite ‘hello’ and then gone for the rest of the night because he doesn’t want to see something inappropriate.

i think, depending on the situation and/or location, that rocky might be into it. i could see him maybe being fine with making out. like pda type stuff. but not actual sex. if it’s somewhere a lot more private, then maybe. or maybe just heavy (heavier) petting.

~

celsius and fahrenheit is so confusing and i have to keep googling a converter so i can figure out what’s what. like if i’d just put ‘27°’ you’d probably have thought i was freezing to death ahdjdl. but yea, it’s like mid-to-late-20s celsius year round in australia.

~

yea it’s the dumb reality show based on the show. i’m not a huge fan of reality competition shows. i watch a couple cooking ones just for fun and background noise, and i watched ‘physical:100’ which was a korean competition show pitting people from different sports backgrounds against each other (which was pretty good actually, very interesting to see how different sports develop peoples’ bodies, lotta v pretty and fit people in it).

but nah. not a huge fan of reality shows and probably won’t be watching the squid game one. it’s not even a korean production, it’s fucking british.

digimon adventures is great! it’s so good and i’m nostalgic and i’ll take no criticism! it’s excellent!!

another anime i watched a lot as a kid - because my grandma had it on vhs - was orphen. we only had like 2 or 3 tapes tho, so i didn’t watch a whole lot of it but i remember it being pretty cool. and the main character was a pretty boy.

both guys are very hot. and i would like to see Stuff Happening. but also ….. i don’t really enjoy a cheating plot. like it’s uncomfortable.

the boss is smart when it comes to business most of the time! but he’s dumb with his heart and he’s pretty clear on the fact that he wanted to be so successful to eventually end up with the wife. he’s just dumb with his heart!! but he has a pretty decent business mind, i mean, he’s been very successful up to this point in linking up china, japan and korea for the drug trade and has a lot of companies under his control. he’s got a lot of money and control.

if only he could fucking focus on his gang and not his love-life. loverboy p l e a s e!

#💋 anon #tj answers #long post //

[pekoeboo]

Khalan's Journal (Entry #13)

Rating: T also on AO3 [prev]-[start]-[next]

-----

Day 48 – Afternoon

After traveling for what felt like eons, we finally came across the snowy forest in which Pion had settled into. His cozy log cabin is located right along a frozen lake. Though incomplete, the cabin is coming along nicely. I'm always impressed at just how fast he works. It looks wonderful so far.

We took some time to catch up and decide on what our next plan of action is. Unfortunately, it seems as though there is no way to return to Drehmal... not unless the Higher Beings decide on a whim to send us back.

But since we cannot rely on such a serendipitous occurrence, we will have to make do with the lot we've been given.

Aya does not appear to want to stay in this frozen forest. Though it is comforting to be reunited with Pion again, I also share her sentiment. That exotic, old house on the peninsula continues to call to me, and so does its surrounding locale.

Pion has something to show us. I am interested to find out what it is.

---

Later – Mid-Afternoon

He has located a Waystone! Those magic-infused obelisks were incredibly helpful to have in Drehmal, and I'm surprised to see them here, as well! Perhaps we will be able to find another one near the house that Aya and I wish to return to. If so, then we could easily travel to and from each location in mere seconds!

This is incredibly encouraging. I feel much better in knowing that, should we find another Waystone, we can always return to Pion at any moment to check on him.

He seems very content with the location he has picked to build. I wouldn't want him to feel obligated to leave this spot just because Aya and I are intending on returning to the old house... especially considering how much work Pion has put into building such a lovely cabin.

We will likely begin our journey back in a few days. I am exhausted from the traveling, and I am certain that Aya is even more so.

-----

"Waystones" are from a specific mod that my friends and I use within our SMP that allow us to fast-travel/teleport from one location to another. The mod has become a bit of a mainstay by this point, as it's really convenient to have - both in-game, and within the context of the story.

#minecraft #mineblr #fanfiction #fanfic #writing #text post #oc #khalan #khalan al shariq #aya armas #cookieg122 #pion #pion steam #primordial smp #khalan's journal

[fitzs-trained-monkey]

Chapter Seven: Way Down To Wonderland

(Image not mine)

Rated: PG

~Hey Alice, is it greener here Or does it seem like dirt? Does it feel the same, can you say that you Are happy to be home?

The rabbit seems to call your name You're late, so it's time to move Oh Alice, you know it's your fate Tick, tock. No time to lose

Hey Alice, time is running short This can't take too long Make a choice now. On which side of the door Do you feel you belong?~

Did I know it was a bad idea?

Yes. Yes, I did.

Did I do it anyway?

Yup.

Was I going to regret it?

Yeah, probably.

Did that thought stop me?

Absolutely not.

I was going with Jack. I was going to leave that freezing nothing-in-nowhere place behind me and I was going to be free. With the Winchesters protecting me, I would never have to be afraid of anything ever again.

At least until they found out the truth. But I could keep them fooled for long enough, right? I mean, Jack seemed to like me. I wasn't sure in what way exactly, but he did seem to like me. That was something wasn't it? It had to be.

Me and Jack just sat and talked while Sam and Dean burned the bones and covered the body back up. The only reason I knew the body was there was because I had found this place three years ago, though as to the corpse's identity I had no clue. I was just making crap up.

When the job was finally done it was around midnight and the hunters wanted to go back to their motel. They also wanted me to come with them.

"But where would you sleep?" I argued.

"Oh, I don't sleep that much." Jack simply shrugged. I chewed on my lip, for every excuse I could come up with, Jack had a solution.

"Look Jack, I've spent a long time here and I've got, like, this 'secret hideout' where I always sleep- er, slept, and I just wanna go back there, collect my stuff and say goodbye, ya’ know? I'll meet you outside your motel bright and early tomorrow morning. Alright?" Maybe the slight truth would work where excuses had failed miserably. Jack sighed.

"You promise you'll come?" He asked.

"Cross my heart," I said, doing the motion.

"Good cause' if you don't show, Cas will know where you went," Sam said, his voice was friendly but it sounded like a threat. I guessed he was suspicious. Sam got in the car.

"That is true," Castiel said, following him. Yeah, they were both suspicious of me.

"Oh. Uh, nice." There went all hopes of running away from this. "Well where are you guys staying? Just so I know where to go," I asked.

"It’s called North Sea Motel, or something like that." Jack paused for a moment. "Uh, I think." I smiled with a shake of my head.

"I think you mean North Port Motel," I corrected him. Jack smiled.

"Yeah, that one!"

"Okay, well, I'll see ya there!" I started to dismount from where I sat, perched in a different tree, but Dean's voice stopped me.

"Say, where is this little ' secret hideout' of yours? We could drive you, just tell us where. Then you could get your stuff and come to the motel with us, you might even get a good night's sleep," Dean offered. I turned him down with a shake of my head.

"Nah, you boys get some sleep. Besides, if I told you where it was, it wouldn't be my 'secret hideout' now would it? Also, it’s not exactly accessible by car anyway, but don't worry, it’s not far." That was a lie. It was all the way across town, but I might need to use it to hide from these guys one day so telling them the location wouldn't be smart.

"Alright well, see ya’ tomorrow, kid." Dean climbed into his car and revved the engine, waiting for Jack before driving off.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow!" Jack smiled at me. His smile was sort of strange as his mouth curved up on one side and down on the other at the same time. I liked it.

"See ya’ tomorrow Jack-Jack." I winked at him from where I sat, perched in a different tree. Then in the blink of an eye, Jack was beside me, pulling me in for a hug. I was surprised but hugged him back. I took a deep, breath through my nose.

'Holy zoodles, you smell amazing!' I thought to myself. For a split second the thought entered my mind. For a split second I considered what it might be like.

But that wasn't going to win out.

I pulled away from the hug and Jack smiled his crooked smile and he disappeared, and I waved as the Black Impala drove off. I sighed.

"Whatever you're gonna say, you can go ahead and say it!" I said to the air.

No reply.

No Isaac.

Nothing.

"Ugh! You're so dramatic! If you wanna talk then talk, ya friggn' weirdo!" I shouted to no one.

Isaac still didn't appear. I hopped off my branch and began to sprint through the snowy woods at top speed. Mocking all the way.

"Oh I'm Isaac and I'm so superior to everyone and I'm a stinkin' drama queen who has to be all cryptic about my USELESS OPINIONS!"

I shouted the last bit before climbing the rope into the tree house. I had made it in under five minutes. When I hauled my sorry butt inside the tree house, Isaac stood there, waiting. He had his arms crossed and his shoulders square and his face was a mask of barely controlled rage. I copied his stance and stared back at him. He remained silent. I could only do it for so long.

"What?" I asked, giving in. Apparently that question was all it took for Isaac to explode.

"DO YOU THINK THIS IS A FRIKIN' GAME?!" He shouted. I couldn't help but stumble back a few paces. Isaac never yelled, not at me. Isaac yelled at everyone else, but never, ever, me. I blinked a few times, trying to discourage the tears.

"N-no! I-I-I just-"

"DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH?!"

"NO! But I-"

"REALLY? BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE! BECAUSE THAT'S HOW YOU'RE ACTING! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!" Isaac took a menacing step, and it took a lot of will to stand my ground.

"I don't know! I wasn't-"

"THAT'S RIGHT! YOU WERN'T!" I looked away, blinking furiously to dispel my tears. Isaac sucked in a breath, trying to calm himself.

"I was just trying to save our butts! I didn't think they would take it like that and try to adopt me on the spot!"

"Why didn't you just say no?!"

"Because that would have looked suspicious!"

"Then just run! They'll move on without you! They'll keep going with their lives! They don't care about you!" Isaac insisted. His words hurt. Why? Why did they hurt?!

"That's not true! They said they'd search for me!" I tried, but it was a weak response, and I knew it. Isaac laughed, it was bitter and without humor.

"What? Is it that Half-Angel freak?" He snorted. I lowered my head.

"He's not a freak," I mumbled.

"Sorry, could you say that a little louder? I couldn't hear you over all your stupidity!" Isaac sneered. My head snapped up and my teeth and fists clenched.

"Jack. Is. Not. A. Freak!" I growled. Isaac's eyebrows shot up.

"Wait, you don't- No. No, you're not really-" I knew what he was asking, and I simply glared at him.

"What?"

"Do you like him?" Isaac asked, disgust prevalent in his tone. I looked at the floor, grinding my teeth.

"No."

"OH COME ON! REALLY MARTY? YOU GOT A CRUSH ON THAT FREAK-A-ZOID!? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" Isaac roared, "HE'S A FRIGGIN' TWO-YEAR-OLD FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!" I couldn't take it anymore.

"SHUT UP ISAAC!!!" I screeched, my pitch rising with my anger. I took a deep breath and stared him in his cold, dead eyes. "If Jack is a freak then so am I!"

"No, you are what you are. That kid, if you can even call him that, is trying to be two things at once! He's more powerful then the actual angel! Couldn't you feel it? That thing could probably kill you without even trying!" I rolled my eyes, my fists clenching tighter. I could feel my nails cutting into my hands, but I didn't care.

"Jack wouldn't hurt me. He's not like other hunters, Isaac! He's not doing this out of hate!" I insisted. Isaac's face twisted into a snarl. He walked over and looked down on me.

"And when he finds out that you've been lying? What do you think he'll do then? What do you think they'll all do? Do you think they'll just shower you with hugs?" He questioned, mockingly.

"No."

"They'll never except you. Once they find out the truth, and they will find out, they'll never love you. You know why?"

"Stop." I ground out through clenched teeth.

"Because they are not your family, Marty. They never will be," Isaac hissed.

"I don't need them to be. Besides, I can always talk them into it." Isaac stepped away now and started pacing the floor of our hideout.

"But you won't. You know why? Because it will never be real. That's what you want, isn't it?" He jeered.

"I just want to be safe! I don't wanna run anymore!" I protested, even though he was right. Isaac shook his finger at me.

"No, you want it to be real. You want it so desperately, don't you? That's what this is all about, isn't it? Deep down it's all about Jack, and you know it."

"You don't know what you're talking about, Isaac," I seethed. He turned to me with a quizzical yet mocking expression.

"This little crush you have on the hybrid freak, do you really think you have a chance?" Isaac flicked his finger against my skull. "I know you're all grown up in there, but out here you're still fourteen! And you heard it right out of his mouth, he may be grown up on the outside but he's still only two-years-old! I don't care which side you look at it from, that's pedophilia either way!" I wished I could punch Isaac in the face, much more than I usually did.

"It's not like that! You can't stop me Isaac! This isn't your decision to make!" I shouted at him.

"I'm not letting you go with them. If that means murdering all of them in their beds, then so be it! I'm not going to let them hurt you!" Isaac barked.

"What is wrong with you?! This is my decision! Why do you keep trying to control my life?!" I demanded.

"BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO WATCH MY SISTER DIE!"

I blinked. I couldn't speak. What could I even say? We stood across from each other, the anger draining away into heartbreak.

"I just want a friend, Isaac. Is that really so wrong of me?" I demanded in a whisper. A rain of emotion was beginning to sizzle out the fire of my fury. My spectral companion stopped in his tracks.

"A friend? What am I, chopped-liver?" Isaac asked, sarcastically. Though his tone was mordant, I could sense the hurt that sapped through.

"Isaac, that's not what I meant," I tried to back-track, but it was useless. Isaac's lip curled and his eyes narrowed.

"I've spent five years stuck in the veil, not being able to talk or be seen by anybody but you. All of that just so your sorry ass wouldn't be so friggin' lonely! I put off going to heaven and this is what I get for it?! What? Am I suddenly not good enough for you anymore? Is that it?!" He spat.

"Of course not, Isaac! You're my brother! You're my best friend and you always will be!" My voice came as a stressed whisper as I strived to explain, "It's just that-"

"That what? What makes him better than me? What makes any of them better than me?! What does that Nephilim freak have that I don't, huh?" He challenged, his voice like burning acid. I couldn't take it anymore.

"YOU'RE DEAD, ISAAC!!!" I screamed, tears gushing down my face like salt-water rivers. I couldn't stop them. "YOU'RE DEAD AND IT'S ALL MY FAULT!" Isaac blinked, speechless. "Mom and Dad and Jackie and Bree and Jazz; they're gone! They're all gone and it's all my fault!"

"Marty-"

"No, Isaac! You're gone and I can't have you back, not for real. I can't high-five you when we laugh, I can't punch your shoulder when you're annoying me, and when I'm upset you can't wrap your arm's around me and hold me until the tears run dry! You can't do that, and I don't blame you, but you can't!" I took a deep breath and looked at the rough wooden floorboards as I tried to mop up my tear-stained cheeks, but it didn't work. All the sadness from the last five years was escaping now.

"I don't-" Isaac started but I wasn't finished just yet.

"I need someone who can do that, Isaac. It's been exactly five years, eleven months, and twenty-two days since somebody hugged me! I didn't realize how much I needed it until now, and I don't think I can go on like this any longer! Isaac, I am all alone," I lamented.

"You have me, Marty," He whispered. I hadn't realized that ghosts could get choked up.

"Isaac, you're not really here," I whispered, painfully. "I know you're all I have; but I don't have you, not really. I don't want you to go, but every single day, this figment of you reminds me that you're never coming back," I sniffed, still trying to keep it under control, but the look in Isaac's eyes made that impossible.

"Oh, Marty... I-I'm sorry." I rubbed at my eyes, wishing once again that I could lay my head on his shoulder and just cry like I wanted to, but I couldn't.

"I just want you back!" I sobbed, my ragged breaths scraping at my dry, tender throat. Isaac reached out but his arms passed right through me, just like always. I looked to him in despair before moving to sit on the mattress. "Why did you have to die?" I whispered.

"I don't know."

"Just let me go with them, Isaac. I can't do this anymore."

"If you're going then I'm coming with you. Through thick and thin, remember?"

"Through thick and thin," I agreed. Isaac smiled at me weakly.

"Well, get your stuff together, we're goin' on an adventure," He said. I nodded and strode over to the backpack in the corner. Reaching to the very bottom of the bag, I grabbed hold of the two objects I hated the most.

Two bags filled with a pint each of human blood. The label bore the name: Aspirus Keweenaw Hospital. It was the only hospital anywhere near Copper Harbor, though it was more than twenty miles away. It was a long way to go by foot but now I would never need to go again. I just hoped that wherever these hunters lived there was a hospital nearby. I weighed the bags in my hands and considered the possibility of smuggling them past the hunters. The odds were pretty bad.

"Just wondering, how do you plan to keep this a secret while under the watch of four hunters?" Isaac asked from behind me. I inhaled deeply before turning back to him.

"No idea! But as for right now―" I ripped open a small hole in one of the bags and raised it into the air the way you would raise a toast― "Drink up me hearties, yo ho!"

I think you can figure out what I did after that.

-2 hours and 56 minutes later-

I finished packing all of my belongings into my backpack and a few extra things I stuffed in my violin case. Then, I saluted the now abandoned tree house farewell and tromped off through the snow to say goodbye to the one person in this town that I actually considered a friend.

The bell dinged as I pushed open the door to the pharmacy. I smiled at the shapeshifter behind the counter and waved. Dan-the-Dope-Man, regardless of anyone's opinion about his behavior, was the closest thing to a friend as I had made in these past five years. He may not have been the best person, but I owed him a lot and now this was the only way I could repay him.

"Marty! I thought you died! When I watched you go with those hunters, I didn't know what to do! Are you okay?" There was no one else in the store, so the man with the face of a forty-year-old hopped over the counter and rushed over to me, enveloping me in a hug. In this form, he didn't have his Brooklyn accent.

"I'm fine, Danny but, uh, I gotta tell you something." Dan released me and held me at arm’s length.

"What? What's wrong?" He worried.

"Nothing's wrong," I told him, shaking my head, "But I'm leaving."

"What? Why?" Dan exclaimed.

"Those hunters, they asked me to come with them, they said they're gonna protect me." Dan's brows pulled together and he looked at me with concern.

"Marty, they're hunters. Protecting things like us, vampires and shapeshifters, isn't exactly what they do!”

"They don't know what I am, and I plan to keep it that way. But these guys, they're different. They're gonna protect me, and maybe they'll help me find Felix!" I said, gently.

"That's a dangerous game."

"Let's hope I'm good at it."

"You're really gonna do this?"

"Yeah." Dan sighed.

"Well in that case, I'm gonna miss ya, Marty." He wrapped his arms around me, and I hugged him back.

"I'm gonna miss you too, Danny!" Apparently, my eyes hadn't rid themselves of tears completely. A few salty droplets dripped down my cheeks.

"Take care of yourself, sweetie. Remember, if you ever need a place to go, my door is always open." He said, patting my back.

"Thank you, man. For everything. I owe you a lot." I wiped my cheeks and gasped a breath as I pulled away.

"Eh, don't worry about any o' that. Stay alive, Marty. That's all the payment I want," Dan smiled.

"I can do better than that," I promised, smirking.

"Whattdya' mean?"

"If any hunter ever comes to check this place out again, I'm gonna give you a head's up. Sound good?" Dan grinned.

"Sounds great, Marty." He hugged me again and when he pulled away, he had an idea.

"Before you go, here, take these," He said, grabbing several items from different shelves and stuffing them in a bag which he gave to me. I peeked into the bag, inside were several boxes of chocolate truffles, four Hershey's bars, and one of those little solar powered flowers that waves when you place it in the sun. "It's not much, but it’s something to remember me by."

"I'll savor every chocolate, Dan. I'm gonna miss ya, have an awesome life buddy!" I waved as I pushed my way out the door, "I hope you get your daughter back!"

"Thank you, Marty! Take care of yourself! I hope things get better for you!" Dan waved back and I left the pharmacy behind, muttering to myself as I walked down the street to the motel.

"I hope things get better too."

~Hey Alice, do you want to play? The Queen's great (or so it's been said) Hey Alice, can you play croquet? If you're good, you can keep your head

Hey Alice, are you here or there Or somewhere in between? Hey Alice, would you ever dare To go back through where you've been?

Hey Alice, time is running short This can't take too long Make a choice now. On which side of the door Do you feel you belong?~

Lyrics from: Hey Alice by Rachel Rose Mitchell

#jack kline x oc #jack kline #jack kline fanfiction #jack kline x reader #spn #spn fanfiction #superntural #supernatural fanfiction #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #alexander calvert #alex calvert #jensen ackles #jared padalecki #jack is baby #the writing gets better #jack kline humor #jack kline fluff #fluff #my name is cas and i write stuff #fanfic #thanks for reading #have a nice day #misha collins

[etlunainmorte]

Devil May Cry playing Animal Crossing: New Horizons Headcanons

I'm back once more with another DMC playing ACNH headcanons based on my chat fic, 💙 Chat Buddies 💙!

This is, once again, dedicated to the one who started this trend of headcanons. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have thought of ever writing this. So, thank you so much to my friend, @beyond-the-mirror . And also, belated happy birthday, dearie! I hope you like this.💙💙💙

Also tagging the lovely @evilwvergil . I hope you like the little Vergil screenshots and I hope these make you smile. Also, @dreaming-gamer may find this funny and entertaining, hehe.💙💙💙

Part 2: Vergil

*How he found out about the game: Vergil could never understand kids these days. And his son, Nero, is not an exception. One day, just like Dante, he saw his son playing ACNH on his Switch, and at first he didn't mind it. But, then, when he got back home and saw (Y/N) playing the same game on her Switch and having so much fun with it, he came up with a small idea. Vergil is not very vocal about this but, he really wanted to be close to his son after being separated from him for so long. He wanted to understand him. He wanted to bond with him and be accepted as his family. And he is willing to play this foolish game with him so he could have a bridge towards Nero's heart. He'll do whatever it takes to win his son's heart and trust. He told (Y/N) about his little plan, and she agreed to help him.

*How he got the game: Acquiring money for a new gaming console is not a hard task for Vergil. After a few Devil Hunting commissions, he and (Y/N) were able to buy a Switch for Vergil, and the first game he installed? ACNH, of course ( although that sounds hilarious coming from the man of motivation, himself ). (Y/N) helped him plant fruit trees and flowers by visiting his humble island he simply named, Infinity ( based on one of William Blake's poems ).

*He never time travelled ( insert coughing Dante noises here ) despite knowing it would make things easier for him, and strived with hours and hours of gameplay, in between his Devil Hunting missions, to reach the glorious 5 - star rating. And, as expected of the eldest son of Sparda, he was able to reach it ( insert crying Dante noises here ).

*The reason for all that hard work? He wanted his island to be perfect and in top shape when he finally ask his son to visit. And he didn't disappoint. At first, Nero found it strange for Vergil to be indulging in such an activity but, then, he realized the ulterior motive of this. Like his father, Nero wasn't very vocal about his affections but, he truly appreciated the gesture and effort that Vergil has done. He felt so happy to bond with his father in his own little way. And so, father and son have found another way to spend time together, even if they're miles apart most of the time. They joined Bug Offs and Fishing Tourneys together, shared furniture and diys, Nero even helped Vergil set his own secret place in the island just to surprise (Y/N). (Y/N) appreciated the little gesture and found it cute and endearing, although the very obvious engagement ring that Vergil placed on the setup went way past her head, much to his and Nero's confusion of her utter denseness.

*Now, when it comes to Bug Offs and Fishing Tourneys, Vergil is very, very competitive. He worked and concentrated so hard to earn points just to get those three trophies. And his Happy Home Academy rating is no exception. He likes to flaunt all his trophies and event achievements. He even placed them in the library he spent so many days to set up to let others know that the eldest son of Sparda could never be defeated, even in a game such as ACNH. Not that Dante could best him at this, not at all ( for the record, Dante did quite good during the Bug Off and the Fishing Tourney. He was just too lazy to accumulate those points and only redeemed whatever prize he could get. Not to mention he's having a hard time getting his HHA points past the 100k mark, so, no. Dante is no match for Vergil this time ).

*Vergil is also very organized. His house is the epitome of perfection. His island is so neat and tidy and well - coordinated, using rustic items and little to no custom pathing. He also loves terraforming. There is something in terraforming that makes Vergil very excited. The thought of shaping his own island all by himself gets him going every time, and seeing his work at the end of the day gives him a feeling of satisfaction and achievement. This is good, yes, but barely anyone could disturb him when he's in what Nero calls his, God State.

*Vergil considers it as an act of benevolence when, one day, out of the blue, he insisted on visiting Dante's island and simply dropped, without a word, a complete set of furniture for his brother's pizzeria, all wrapped nicely. This included stalls with custom pizza signs ( because he knew Dante is too lazy to do one ), a neon sign post ( because he knew Dante loves these so much ), a set of diner chairs and tables, some condiments, a menu chalkboard, a hand mixer, an ice shaver ( for the strawberry sundae ), a soft serve lamp, and a hearth for the pizza. When Dante bugged Vergil and asked him why, he simply answered, "For you, scum", to which, Dante replied with, "Aww, Love ya, bro! Ur the best<3<3<3". Vergil didn't say anything else and just left.

*Vergil has no favorite villager. In fact, he can't seem to remember their names and only refer to them as, "Chicken", "Wolf", "Rat", or "Cub". He does seem to remember the name of only one villager, and that is Kyle ( only because Dante begged Vergil again and again to let go of Kyle because he's his dreamie. Vergil, of course, refused, and only said, "If you want it, then you'll have to take it." Pff,... ). Vergil doesn't even call the npcs by their real names! I.e.: Tom Nook = The Capitalist Raccoon, Isabelle = The Dog With The Missing Sock, Timmy = The Small Raccoon, Tommy = The Other Small Racoon, Mabel = Female Sonic ( don't ask ), Sable = Snob Hedgehog, Label = Fashionable Hedgehog, Blathers = Griffon, Celeste = Griffon's Sister, Flick = The Goth Chameleon, CJ = Justin Beaver ( again, don't ask ), Saharah = The Camel, Lief = The Land Hippie, Pascal = The Sea Hippie, Harvey = The Loner Hippie, Gulliver / Gullivarrr = Another Griffon, and Kicks = The Skunk.

*Vergil considers his Sushi Bar as the second best attraction of his island ( the first one being his secret date spot with (Y/N) ). Other than that, he has a café, an outdoor library, and some places that are still works in progress ( he's diligently waiting for all the latest updates like Nero ).

***

Part 3: Nero and Kyrie coming soon!

***

💙💙💙

***

#vergil #devil may cry 5 #animal crossing new horizons #devil may cry and animal crossing crossover

[starrysebastians]

things spies don’t notice

prompt : based off this request from @hamiltonofjakku

pairing : bucky barnes x reader 

word count : 2.4k

A/N : i went for something soft and simple, nothing extraordinary. this is probably a bit different from what you wanted? but i hope you like it? enjoy?

"Is this really happening? How old are you?" you complain louder than you think, rolling your eyes so hard it physically hurts you. You're sprawled all over the leather couch, legs propped up on the armrest and you know your back is resting against something hard — someone? But you don't really pay attention to it because tonight is all about drinking and blowing off some steam after months of grueling missions. Everyone in this room — Steve, Sam, Natasha, Clint, not Wanda and Vision because they went on a special getaway or something, not Tony because he also decided to take Pepper on a getaway, something spectacular and extravagant he said — loves what they do. It might be a love-hate relationship, because not everyone chose to do it. Not everyone entered this business with the right motivations, not everyone manages to deal with it on a daily basis. No one does. But at the end of the day, you're a team and you all know you've got each other's backs, and it makes it easier. It helps with the burden you have to carry whenever a civilian life is lost, whenever building collapse, whenever it gets too much.

The thing you're resting against moves, there's a weight being lifted off the sofa, and suddenly you fall down on your back, groaning because the ceiling gets all blurry for a second. "That hurt."

"Sorry about that," someone crouches down next to you so that your faces are on the same level, and you lazily turn your heard towards the voice, blinking a few times because it's been a few hours since you watched the sun set from the compound and you do not have the ability to see in the dark. "Didn't know you had that much to drink." Words spoken in a low voice, with a soft chuckle and blue eyes that manage to stay bright and perceptive despite the room only being lit by dimmed and cosy lights because that's how you and the rest of the team like to spend your festive evenings, when it's not some gala or fundraising organized by Stark Industries. You like it better when it is intimate and you can all relax. Maybe you can't swoon over James freaking Barnes wearing an all black suit — which is a gift from God — but he's right here in front of you, in a grey sweater that looks as soft as his skin, and black jeans, his hair in a bun with strands falling in front of his eyes, and he's as pretty as usual.

"Well — i'm not that drunk, considering i'm not the one who suggested playing spin the bottle to grown ass adults!" you raise your voice at the end of your sentence so that the rest of the room can hear you, but it doesn't really work, and your throat hurts. Maybe you sang a bit too much earlier when your favorite song came on.

"C'mon," Bucky stands up and you can only stare at him as he's towering above you, a hand extended towards you, lifting you up as you take it. You stumble a bit, and he has to put both hands on your waist to make sure you're not going to fall. Maybe the room is too hot, maybe it's the alcohol, but your cheek flush and he probably sees it. Given his abilities, maybe he can even feel your heartbeat quicken.

"I'm good." You squeak, pushing him slightly in order to take a seat next to Natasha on the floor, your thighs brushing against each other as you lean towards her. "I do not like this." She raises a brow and her lips quirk slightly as she watches Sam, Bucky and Steve sit next to each other, probably bickering, while Clint comes back with a refill. No one bothers telling him that he might have had enough to drink already, probably because no one cares. "Right. I'm sure you don't."

Turns out, everyone had a refill. And the bottle has been spinned many, many times. You can't remember the first thing you had to admit — because you're too tired to take on dares and you would rather leave this to Sam and Clint, who obviously enjoy being laughed at, not that you're complaining. It started out innocently, because someone needed to know who ate the last plate of that special recipe, or who had lied to a shield agent that had taken a special interest in Sam, telling them the last girl he had sex with had run off because his mother came by every morning to do the laundry — that one did not please him. Maybe you had to share a few personal details, and maybe some agents around you were paying more attention to what you were saying than others.

"Nat, c'mon. We all saw you leave with him, what happened?"

"I already answered your question. This is a second one. You have no right, and I don't have to answer. Next."

You don't know what they're bickering about and it lasts at least 5 minutes, but then you jump when your name is being shouted.

"Since it's on the table. Do you have a crush on anyone at the moment?"

It has to be a joke. Your eyes pop back open as your mouth hangs wide open, and the first person you cross eyes with has to be Bucky, otherwise it wouldn't be funny ; the whole universe is laughing at you right now. And he looks bored, legs lazily spread in front of him and his head slightly thrown back as he stares at you, a brow quirked. And you're a goddamn avenger who cannot be intimated by a question that could have been asked by a sixth grader.

"Someone's blushing!" Sam coos and you shoot him a dirty glare before straightening up.

"Please, this is so childish. I'm an avenger. You think I'm gonna waste my time pinning after a pretty boy? I don't do crushes," you say, rolling your eyes in an exasperated way to get your point across. You only get unimpressed looks. "I don't!"

"What about that Shield agent, the blond one?"

"Yeah, well it was boring. And that was not a crush. I was just asked out and I said yes. Because this guy I — anyway. I was bored. That's different."

"So you do know what a crush is. And you do have one, because you were bored, and this guy you like is dumb and — "

"I'll kill you with my bare hands and you know it." You didn't want that sentence to come out so slurred but it was still efficient.

For some reason they let it go, probably because your friends already know. Maybe you're not as subtle as you think, and the only person being oblivious to all of this, and the constant looks the team give you whenever you're near him, is Bucky Barnes himself. Or maybe he knows, because he's a spy and a soldier with heightened senses and there's no way he wouldn't notice the way your heart rate picks up at the sight of him, the way you usually avoid staring at him straight in his eyes — except when you're drunk because you don't know what you're doing right now — the way your whole face screams longing and admiration when he is doing the bare minimum. Maybe it's more than a crush. A crush usually happens with someone you don't know that much. Someone with pretty looks and maybe a nice laugh but you don't get to know them because you're to shy to approach them. 

But you've actually gotten to know the former Winter Soldier. By watching him interact with the team, bicker with Sam, subtly watch everything Steve does as if he was making sure he was alright like he did back in the days ;  there is this calm and soothing aura around him and it's like he is trying to redeem himself for what he did as a Hydra pawn by being the quiet one, the one who never causes any trouble. He knows not to touch Clint's sandwiches, the ones he makes so that it's ready when he comes back from training — the one Sam eats without remorse but not anymore, not since Bucky decided to hide it from him. He always leaves coffee in the pot, and he sits the furthest away from Wanda because he knows that sometimes she can feel his negative thoughts and he doesn't want to ruin her day. He is always, always paying attention to what is going on around him. Always.

So there's no way he doesn't know. And it's more than a crush. It is complete and absolute infatuation over someone who is way too good for you. And you're not in the mood to play anymore. Without even noticing what you're doing, your eyes are cast downwards and your lips in a pout, shoulders dropping and we all know how spies rely on body language to analyze their target.

Bucky's eyes are trained on you as your fingers play with your empty glass. He notices you subtly casting a desperate glance at Natasha, a look that screams : I want to get out of here, and he's not surprised when you finally get up, faking a yawn, stretching, and mumbling some nonsense about being too tired and this game being stupid and childish. You almost step on a glass you thought to be empty, but still knock it over. Bucky tells you he'll take care of it, that you should go to your room and rest, and it's his turn to mumble something about going to look for a napkin or something.

The elevator doors are about to close as you stare at the ceiling — which moves, by the way. There are dark spots that keep widening and that are probably gonna swallow you whole and —

"Hey — um, wait up!"

The noise is a bit too much for your intoxicated state and you visibly flinch when metal collides against metal. Bucky winces as he watches your face, sliding next to you while the door finally closes.

You smile at Bucky, and it probably looks a bit sad. "Hi"

"Hi," he breathes out. "You okay?"

You only nod, blinking more than three times in a few seconds.

"You sure? You had a moment, back there — you looked — " he sighs. "Are you sure you're okay?"

You stare at him for a moment, because if you focus hard on something then everything can stop moving and swaying around you and the background fades away. When the door open you still haven't said a word and Bucky gently cups your elbow to lead you to your quarters.

"You're a spy," you let out, maybe by mistake, but maybe because the alcohol is numbing and your filter is gone.

"Um — yeah?" he answers in a confused way, watching you warily as you stop in front of your door, turning to him, your eyes wide.

"You notice things. You're…you have heightened senses. You're not dumb." You state.

"I'm not —?” he scoffs. “Thanks, I guess?"

"Are you doing it on purpose?" your voice is smaller, and he notices how you seem to shrink away, as if dropping your shoulders was going to make you disappear into the ground.

"What are you talking about?"

"Ignoring me. You could just say you're not interested, you know. I know you know things. You always pay attention, you always know what people want because it's your job. How can you not know I want you?" Your eyes are filled with tears as you look at him, lips parted, eyebrows set in a desperate way.

"I'm — I do not — "

"You could just tell me!" There's a tear running down your cheek and it ends up on your lips and it's salty and it's too late to try and be proud, act like the sole idea of being in a room with him doesn't make your heart beat out of your chest.

"Y/N," Bucky takes a step forward, eyes wide, wider than you have ever seen them, not even on a mission, but maybe it's the alcohol playing tricks on your senses. "Y/N, sweetheart, I'm sorry, I never meant to make you feel like this."

"Never meant for me to like you because the feeling is not mutual because if it was then you would have said something, anything —"

"Never meant to hurt you. I do notice things. I thought you were… I thought you were scared or something. Intimidated, I mean. Not in a good way. Not in a crush kind of way, whatever word you're using with the team." 

He’s talking about the metal arm. About his past. There’s this unspoken thing where no one really adresses it because it’s over and it’s a way to show him that no one cares about what he did, no one thinks it’s a defining trait, but maybe he still does. There are things he does notice, but maybe sometimes he needs to be told things.

"But I like you. I like like you." You pout and his rosy lips part. “For you. For who you are. I know who that is because I see it everyday in the way you carry yourself and in the way you care about the people around you and I’m not scared. I like you.” You don’t notice him try and say something because things need to be shown. “You always leave coffee in the pot, and it’s not because you’re too lazy to make some, it’s because you don’t want anyone to find it empty. And you always make sure Sam doesn’t mess with Clint. You always watch over Steve. You make sure Wanda’s not affected by your moods or nightmares. You’re the one who replaced her dream catcher and you still haven’t told anyone about it because you’re  — you’re so kind and selfless and —”

“See, you notice things too.” He cuts your rambling, his flesh hand gently grabbing your forearm, pulling you flush against him. You can only look up, lashes fluttering against your tired eyes. 

“Well. I’m a spy.”

“The best one out of the two of us, obviously,” he mutters, hands resting on your waist.

“Obviously. If you hear my heartbeat right now, which I know you can. Are you gonna think I’m scared and about to run off? Or do you finally get it?” 

He rolls his eyes, hands squeezing you a bit tighter before the flesh one slides up your arm, fingers leaving a trail of chills on their way, and cups your cheek. “That’s very funny.” His eyes glitter as his lips brush against yours.

Maybe spies can be a bit clueless sometimes, but it’s okay. 

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes one shot #marvel one shot

[nemirutami]

I'm a huge fan of your work, and seeing that piece for hackers memory reminded me I still need to play that game. I had a lot of fun with cyber sleuth but I was worried there wouldn't be enough new content to keep me interested. How would you rate hackers memory compared to cyber sleuth?

Thank you for the kind words!

Alright, full disclosure, I have a lot of opinions, so I apologize in advance.

I did not enjoy cybersleuth past chapter 10 when Nokia [insert spoiler here] and ever since then, I always felt like we (as protagonist) were secondary to the plot. Which would have been fine, had Nokia gotten fucking development within cybersleuth to take over as protagonist instead of us. On top of getting no development to [insert spoiler], she’s extremely irritating, which didn’t make me like the fact she was considered more important to the plot at all. She even talks to you as if you’re her sidekick and let me tell you, this shit can be cute because DRV3 managed to do it in a way where the character (Kaito) is earnestly trying to help the protagonist (Shuichi) develop past his anxiety and fears. But that’s not what they did here. It didn’t work. It just felt like Nokia was putting us down, regardless of how “uppity” and “positive” she was trying to phrase it. Sidenote: I also absolutely detested how she treated Agumon and Gabumon so lmao when chapter 10 dropped I had no fucking idea WHY because imo they should’ve hated her. 

We never SAW how she got into the position she got in (Ch10). It felt absolutely hamfisted and undeserved. Kind of like a “oh yeah, it’d be cool if this happened now” shit. Then, to top it all off, the protag magically breaks the rules Suedou sets before them, basically slamming a middle finger at the screen saying “you thought this would make sense? no, we need to hamfist a happy ending sort of kind of maybe, it’s all very unclear WE DONT KNOW”. Honest, I completed all quests and side quests, got max hacker rank, entire field guide, I did everything to cover every last bit of the game, and I’m still sour on the turnout and the payoff because the game so clearly didn’t give a fuck about its own rules since it constantly broke them and failed to foreshadow Kuremi entirely. I enjoyed a bunch of the sidequests more than the main plot of the game, and to be fair, I believe I also remember the sidequests better than the main plot and this should absolutely not be the case.

That being said.

Hackers Memory does not fuck around, and I say that in the best way possible.

It presents you as secondary in the big scheme of things at the very start, (in regards to the original cybersleuth ending, because the story takes place at the very same time events are happening in cybersleuth) but it makes you a protagonist of your own story, and this is truly where the game shines. 

It really makes it all about you- as Keisuke- as an individual, from the very start to the very end. It feels more like a journey of a specific protagonist with a fixed personality, and if the original had done this instead of give us a more flat character, I think I would have enjoyed the game more. I couldn’t stop playing this game the moment I got it, and easily beat it in about 4 or 3 days because I was so invested. Hell, in Cybersleuth, I never gave a fuck to collect all medals, and I decided to actually do it for this game just because I adored every last aspect of it? I did gacha in this videogame for 8 hours that gave me absolutely nothing in return, this is how you know I’m serious about the quality of a game- I waste time in it doing POINTLESS SHIT and I still have fun.

I went in expecting to be secondary, but the plot absolutely knew how to shine the spotlight on this protagonist (Keisuke) flawlessly and draw out his best characteristics. Cybersleuth protag is a clean slate at best, but Keisuke has a variety of very unique responses even without giving you the option to respond. He reacts very fixed to certain events, giving you a general feel of what he’s actually like, which is different from the signature way Cybersleuth Protag simply cocks their head a little or does the “:o” face when someone says something surprising. Keisuke has a lot more expressions, and you can easily tell what the characters are feeling (once you get to know them) just by their expressions alone. There’s a scene at the very start of Hacker’s memory where Yu (Protag’s best friend) and Keisuke share 4 silent “...” dialogue boxes with only a small variety in expression. 

At my first playthrough, I had NO CLUE what this meant. I assumed it was all an awkward silence (since it’s quite literally at the start of the game) but after knowing exactly every little aspect of their personalities- that entire scene bears a different meaning. I could TELL what both of them wanted to say, and what they wanted to convey without actually having to use words. That might be because what facinated me most about Hacker’s memory was exactly Yu and Keisuke’s friendship. What’s great here though isn’t just the fact that this happens with Keisuke and Yu. It happens with every character. I replayed, noticing the quirks early on, and knowing the backstory- was aware of why they were acting the way they were. I knew of the secrets, I knew of the motivations, and honestly, I think Hacker’s memory only gets better a clean run right after you beat it. Yes I... I’m being serious. I replayed it the very second I completed it. This might also tell you something of how invested I am, and how big of a change this was to experience in contrast to the original cybersleuth which left me glaring at the ceiling angrily begging for the plot to make some lick of sense. And unlike cybersleuth, the plot here, is quite honestly, really good. Despite the stakes not being as high, and ultimately won’t matter in the end (because cybersleuth end)- you... FEEL like it matters more. Just because of how intimately you’ve come to know the characters that’ve been with you for so long.

All the relationships are developed, focusing mainly on the team at Hudie (your new hacker team). When I say the relationships are developed, I mean, quite literally, every important character has some role to play in the other’s life. Ryuji: the leader, a mentor to Keisuke, who later becomes a follower of Keisuke’s- outlining a good start and end for their dynamic as leader becomes follower and the student becomes the master. Chitose: Aloof and carefree, never quite speaks up against Ryuji despite the shit he knows Ryuji is causing, but becomes more mature and manages to put Ryuji in his place after he loses control. Erika: A shut-in with a one-track mind (Ryuji’s little sister), doesn’t open up to anyone, not even her brother, especially LIES to her brother to protect him (and Ryuji does the same to Erika, outlining the fact they’re both trying to protect each other but simultaneously hurting each other in the process without knowing) but she learns to rely on Keisuke (Chitose and Ryuji are childhood friends, so naturally, she can’t tell CHITOSE her worries because he’ll get worried and relay the message to Ryuji, so Erika in a sense sees her oppertunity to open up and ACT once Keisuke joins Hudie) and opens up to HIM later more than anyone else. Chitose acts like a second big brother to Erika when Ryuji isn’t around, and he also acts like comic relief character that’s there to give Keisuke some time to relax between cases. Unlike the first game, you actually FEEL like a hacker this time around, giving you a wider variety of hacking options, including minigames (which sadly arent that fun but- hey, it’s something. The part that IS fun is the BONDS you get to rank up- THEY’RE LITERALLY CALLED “DATE TIME!” and they’re the ONLY reason I played so so many of those minigames).

The game isn’t dominated by women anymore (If you play as female in CS, you’ll quite LITERALLY only see Arata every couple of chapters in a sea of tits, and while this is usually an aesthetic I can get behind, I hated absolutely every goddamn female character with the only exception being Kuremi. I detested Date so much. Every time she opened her mouth I wanted to mute the TV. I absolutely LOATHED Nokia for everything and anything she did. I couldn’t stand Fei because of how aggressive she was (even if Fei and Yuuko was something I definitely would have shipped had Fei just been toned down, and LUCKILY- I absolutely love Fei now, but that’s ALL thanks to Hacker’s Memory- I actually like NOKIA now too- which is all thanks to Hacker’s Memory as well). I liked Yuuko bc she hit all my right notes, until she proved to be a tsundere in disguise (she also manipulated us and admitted to it so I quickly said FUCK NO to that and she dropped on my list) but even she managed to get better treatment in Hacker’s memory. I hated Jimiken too, to be honest. I disliked a LOT of characters in cybersleuth, but once they appeared in Hacker’s memory I? I saw a new side of them that I didn’t before. There’s 1 particular “Hacker Memory Fragment” you pick up about Yuuko that details her visits to the hospital to check up on her brother and honestly? This shit. This one hacker’s fragment managed to give me so much better insight into her character than ALL of cybersleuth. Now that shit is admirable imo. I admire Hacker’s memory for making me LOVE every character I disliked. Date was one character I disliked thru Hacker’s Memory too, but towards the end, even she grew on me. I still don’t like majority of her dialogue, but she doesn’t seem so one-dimensional anymore. My main problem with Cybersleuth was that everyone seemed to have “THE ONE MOOD” and that was it. I loved Arata because he varied a lot, and he and the protagonist had some really, really good chemistry, but that’s about it? Compared to how I love everyone from Hacker’s Memory, I wouldn’t even consider the two games on the same level, simply because of how well the second one was executed in comparison?

I took my time with this reply, because to me, cybersleuth was average as a digimon game for me. Cybersleuth had a villain i absolutely ADORED!! But they did piss all and nothing with him. He had such an interesting goal, but when everyone gathered to stop his plans it was like. He lost all motivation for his goal? What the fuck. You don’t even get to fight him he’s just. There. He was awesome, they shoulda done more with him, and my only qualm about hackers memory is that they STILL DONT DO ENOUGH WITH HIM. He gets a bit of a backstory without WORDS really it’s all implied and shit but it explains why he acts the way he does in cybersleuth. You understand the reason behind his actions now, what got him there, and his motivations more clearly. God I wish we got more of him though. Cybersleuth for me was a 4/10 as a game and a 6 or a 5/10 as a Digimon game. I’d honestly play DW3 over Cybersleuth if I had to be perfectly honest...

Now, Hackers Memory however managed to score 10/10 for me of all the digimon games I’ve played- putting it at the... top, actually. For good reason. The characterization is consistent, every characters motivations are clear, every character has reasons to take the actions they take, and none of it seems forced or random or even undeserved. Sometimes, you’ll dislike a character the game wants you to dislike. It will lead you in to turn your expectations around and force you to think of a character in a completely new light. You’ll end up loving each and every character regardless of how shitty they act because you can understand the way they think. You can empathise and you can relate much better than you could in Cybersleuth IMO because so many characters in Cybersleuth made me think “well, Angela, if you weren’t such a BITCH maybe i’d feel sorry for you” which was a perpetual mood tbh. I felt absolutely no sympathy for a lot of the characters in Cybersleuth bc I felt like they deserved the shitstorm they got. Whereas, in Hacker’s Memory, the only character that DESERVED to be punished, actually GETS PUNISHED, and the character that does something wrong goes out of his way to REDEEM HIMSELF. Now this is some tasty characterization I tell ya. 

To top it all off, because the game has to follow cybersleuth logic, I absolutely thought they were going to fuck the end.

No.

No, it was.

It was absolutely perfect.

It was emotional, it didn’t feel forced, and best of all?

It made sense.

As fucked up as the ending from cybersleuth was, in this universe, they can’t control their end because of the first game--- so this ending has to happen regardless of what they FEEL is fair. Which means, yes, the ending is unfair. But it leaves you with this... bittersweet feeling of longing- wishing they COULD have made a change. It’s a really nice metaphor for how things sometimes are out of our control, and we’re forced to deal with a fate someone else drops on us regardless of what we may feel or want to act on. We just have to make the best of it?

10/10 as a Digimon game, and 9/10 as an actual game because I do believe I am nitpicky as fuck and I rarely give 10/10′s but if I wasn’t a nitpicky fuck, this game would DEFINITELY easily be a 10/10.

If this ramble wasn’t indication enough, I really love Hacker’s Memory. You should definitely play Hacker’s Memory.

#tnt answers asks #genuinefauxthought

[tastethegrace]

Analysis from Week 1 - Thomas Merton

I'm going to try to compile my notes this week into a brief reflection for each section of the passage.

“What is serious to men is often very trivial in the sight of God. What in God might appear to us as "play" is perhaps what he Himself takes most seriously."

I kept coming back to this quote every couple of days. This speaks to the great inversion of values, the difference between humans and God. I love how what God takes seriously is what might appear to humans as "play." Consider what this means. The first thing that came to my mind was...God has fun. And he takes his fun seriously. That might be obvious, but it's worth noticing. The second thing is that, considering what humans consider "play," this seems to refer to reveling in the moment, matters of the heart, matters of patterns, music, dance, joy, laughter...everything that makes life worth living. God is a God of play.

At any rate, the Lord plays and diverts Himself in the garden of His creation, and if we could let go of our own obsession with what we think is the meaning of it all, we might be able to hear His call and follow Him in His mysterious, cosmic dance.

What I found fascinating here was that God seems to set the tone by playing himself. Then, he invites us to play with him. We just don't hear him because we're too busy trying to figure out why creation is the way it is.

This reminds me a lot of Ted Dekker's books. In several, a Jesus figure is written as a boy, full of mischief and fun, but also full of uncommon depth and compassion.

We do not have to go very far to catch echoes of that game, and of that dancing. When we are alone on a starlit night; when by chance we see the migrating birds in autumn descending on a grove of junipers to rest and eat; when we see children in a moment when they are really children; when we know love in our own hearts; or when, like the Japanese poet Bashō we hear an old frog land in a quiet pond with a solitary splash--at such times the awakening, the turning inside out of all values, the "newness," the emptiness and the purity of vision that make themselves evident, provide a glimpse of the cosmic dance.

I love this section. Echoes of that dancing. As St. John of the Cross put it, "We realize that the Beloved has passed this way in haste...we see traces of the divine." All of these moments, whether they be the natural processes of creation, a momentary realization of pure innocence, or a window into real love...all of these things are traces of the divine.

I love the words Merton chooses here to describe all these moments....awakening, the turning inside out of all values, the newness, the emptiness and the purity of vision... On that last one, emptiness seems less to be about absence and more about patience. I only say this because it's easy to think about emptiness as someone taking something away...but I think it's more like a blank canvas. It's pure. It's waiting to be filled.

For the world and time are the dance of the Lord in emptiness. The silence of the spheres is the music of a wedding feast. The more we persist in misunderstanding the phenomena of life, the more we analyze them out into strange finalities and complex purposes of our own, the more we involve ourselves in sadness, absurdity and despair. But it does not matter much, because no despair of ours can alter the reality of things; or stain the joy of the cosmic dance which is always there. Indeed, we are in the midst of it, and it is in the midst of us, for it beats in our very blood, whether we want it to or not.

This section really got to me.

The first two lines really focus on the poetry of creation. How the world itself is the dance of the Lord. How the silence of the stars, sun and moon overhead is the music. How beautiful that is to think about! The heavenly bodies themselves sing in silence to accompany the Lord's dance, which is in fact, the Earth spinning and moving, teeming with life.

The middle section is interesting as well. Humans often misunderstand the phemonoma around us. We come up with "strange finalities" and "complex purposes of our own." I love these phrases. We think we've reached the end when we haven't scratched the surface. We make complex what is so simple. We force the purposes to be human-centered, when they are far more universal. We make what is big small, and what is small, big.

It is the end that got me hard. No despair we can possibly have can alter REALITY. No despair can stain the JOY of the DANCE, always there. It BEATS in our BLOOD, whether we WANT IT TO OR NOT. A few things here: I love this proclamation that the Dance will keep going, whether or not we acknowledge it. The Dance itself is reality. But not only are we the midst of this grand, cosmic movement in time, but that dance also moves through us. It is in the midst of us. It beats in our blood whether we want it to or not. I freaking love this visceral, physical image. Our circulatory system, our cells, our heartbeat...all of it is to the rhythm of the dance. And we can't stop it from doing so.

Yet the fact remains that we are invited to forget ourselves on purpose, cast our awful solemnity to the winds and join in the general dance.”

When someone forgets themselves, they do something that is not characteristic of them, or forget where they are/who they are with. Basically, it's usually by accident, and it's usually embarrassing. However, we are invited to do this on purpose and join in with what the rest of creation is already doing.

This reminds me of David dancing naked in the streets, and how pelased God was.

I have other notes I'm going to include here that are from Jim Finley's discussion of the text. I pulled so much from here that was important.

1. Merton once said at a talk that Creation was never a one-time thing. It happens all the time. Creation is absolute and perpetual. So, ultimately speaking, the infinite presence of God is pouring itself out, giving itself away, and presencing itself as the intimate immediacy of our very presence, the presence of others, and the presence of all things, which are nothingness without God.

--I have been chewing on this all week. Creation is absolute, meaning that it is total, without qualifications. Creation is also perpetual, meaning that it never ends. If you consider that it is the presence of God that creates, wouldn't that mean that his very presence is what sustains us? And what is another word for presence? Intimacy. Love. So therefore, the Love of God is what sustains us (more on this next).

--When we see intimate presence, whether in ourselves, other people, or in nature, that's because God is pouring his love out on that thing, always being present to it and through it. His love is the whole reason it exists in the first place.

2. “You are nothing -- absolutely nothing-- outside and other than the love of God giving itself to you as your very life. But it is your very nothingness without God that makes your presence to be the presence of God. That’s the paradox that lies at the heart of all reality, which then renders that the universe is God’s body -- embodying forth the love that is uttering it into being.”

--Jim Finley went on to use the following example. "If God stopped loving you when I counted to three, on three, you would cease to exist." God doesn't just create once and then make sure it keeps going, he creates every single breath, every single movement of cells, everything in me that grows, everything in me that dies...it's all a new outpouring of his love. Every breath is a new creation.

--I LOVE this idea that all of creation is an embodiment of the love of God. It brings concreteness to something abstract so that it can be grasped, at least in some form.

3. “In God, we live and move and have our being.” - Acts 17:28 “We’re living our life in the vast interiority of God, pouring herself out and giving herself away, as every breath, heartbeat, and passing moment of our lives.”

--First, this is a moment where God is referred to in the feminine. Again, I love that so much. It's beautiful. "Pouring out" is an action that is especially powerful when God is viewed as a mother.

--The idea that I am living within God's love, that it is so vast that it covers me, surrounds me, and penetrates within me...it makes me realize how hard it is to remember it.

--Jim gave the following example: Imagine that you lived in a mansion, but due to an unfortunate mental condition, you thought you lived in a tent behind the garage. A therapist might say to you, "I would never lie to you about this. You actually live in the mansion." And then you say, "No, I couldn't. I don't even feel worthy to go inside that place." This example SLAYED me, because it is me. It's why earlier in the week, I was surprised by how much anger and resistance was aroused by this meditation. It's like something in me recognized the implications of this before my mind did. I reacted as though I did not want the mansion to reach me. I didn't want the love of God to touch and embrace that thing within me that I hate so much. This week has been about learning to relent and receive in that way.

I am a blind man that, every now and then, is awakened to the reality that I live in the mansion of God's love, but then I go blind again. I forget. I cannot abide in it as I wish to. Which leads me to the next point.

4. “We are to put our faith in the love that is giving itself to us in our inability to abide in it. In my inability to abide in it, it abides in me, precious in my confusion and wayward ways.”

--In my weakness, he is strong. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

--The image that it is in the very fact that I am unable to abide in God, that God, that God abides in me even more...I am secure, even when I'm not. I am always held. God is relentless. God loves weakness. That thing I hate? God embraces it. Oh, sweet weakness! You are precious in the sight of God. My confusion is precious in the sight of God. My wayward ways are precious in the sight of God. Why? Because in my weakness, he covers me. The strength and light of his love protects me. His grace guides me. In my heart, I am a child, and God is my mother. I am the lost sheep that he finds over and over again, rejoicing every time. In my own strength, I am nothing. But in my NOTHINGNESS, I am everything, for God dwells in THAT place. k

Things that have challenged me this week:

- The idea that all of creation doesn't just testify to God's presence, goodness, and love, but that it in and of itself is divine, because God is dancing. When he dances, things come to life. His dance is a dance of love. Which leads me to my next challenging idea.

- I am God. Let me clarify this. I am not God himself. There is a separateness in identity. But I am divine in the sense that I am created in and through the love of God, constantly, all the time. I am One and always endeavoring to be more One with God. We are unified in that love. God makes me every moment and says, "It is very good."

These ideas push hard against what I've grown up with: an understanding that I am a lowly sinner that is totally undeserving. Here's the thing, though. I know that I am undeserving of God's grace. But I am not lowly. My righteousness is not as filthy rags. That might be what the biblical writers thought of themselves, but that is not what God thinks of me at all.

Perhaps it is good to begin in a place of understanding our humble place in the vast cosmos and our redemptive need for God's grace so that we do not grow entitled. But I think that I'm now beginning to grow up in my faith. I'm just beginning to embrace the constant newness, inversion, and divine nature that comes with being called a saint and a son of God. These things are true of us now. Right now. Yet I have been blind to see the fruit. I just want to breathe it all in, all of the goodness, all of the love of God, and keep breathing it. I want to see it move. I want to see the hidden things, the mysteries, unfold before my eyes in the smallest of ways. I want to dance with God. I want to know the steps. I want to laugh with him, and I want him to hold me as I cry with him. He is everywhere, and he is in me. I am one piece of his nature, completely unique, and yet totally Him.

All of this stuff may not hit you the way it's hitting me, and that's okay. I'll probably forget it this time next week.

But God is good, God is gracious, and God is Love. And so I will be grateful that He has opened my eyes, even for a few moments, to see just how big His love and His grace actually are.

#mystics #walkingwithjesus

[m0th-punk]

This is something that's been on my mind for a long time. Long ramble under the cut

TL;DR: Grazer-razor has some of the worst black and white mentality I've ever seen and I can tell he has never critically examined his biases a day in his life.

Because I'm a terrible little gremlin who can't leave well enough alone, I've been reading these posts

Ignoring the absolute stupidity of these statements (I'm pretty sure the lack of rainbow logos is because in many middle eastern countries, homosexuality is a crime and these companies just want to make money. But I'mnot going into the nuances and implications of rainbow capitalism today.), something stood out to me.

Does Grazer... genuinely think nobody has ever criticized the Muslim faith? That we all ignore the homophobia present within the religion just because they're a minority? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I've seen even some of the most staunch leftists criticize things like their horrible treatment of homosexuality or the rampant sexism often sanctioned by radicals. Even other Muslims, especially women and lgbt+ Muslims, have been critical of these things.

It wouldn't shock me if Grazer believedthat anyone who supports Muslims believes they can do no wrong. After all, he thinks any criticism of Christianity is hatred, and dismisses any harmful things Christians do as not being "real" Christianity in a classic case of the "No True Scotsman" fallacy.

Note how he didn't even respond to the first asks comments, just accused them of being me (because obviously any time someone sees his blog it's all my fault /s)

So it seems like in Grazer's mind, there are only two options when it comes to religion: Uncritically praise and defend everything a religion does no matter how heinous it is and justify it because it's done in a God's name, or condemn anyone who practices it as hateful terrorists. Because he doesn't see people doing the former for Christians, he automatically assumes that they're doing the latter, and vice versa for Muslims.

Also note how he gets mad when muslim faith is "respected" (again, homosexuality is criminalized in many of these areas) but then demands a secular children's show cater to his religion for the sake of his precious childhood.

(Also, can we just talk about the absolute fucking cruelty in this answer? There are people out there that had their childhoods ruined by abuse, illness, losing loved ones, homelessness, poverty, bullying, near-death experiences, having their countries torn apart by war, a shitty foster care system, teen pregnancies, and so many other things that can absolutely destroy a life.  Grazer's was ruined by…  *checks notes* a cartoon character supporting gay rights and a drag queen singing a cutesy children's song.  So yeah, if that's the worst part of his childhood he's pretty damn lucky, and the fact that he has the gall to still complain absolutely makes him selfish and ignorant. It's disrespectful, plain and simple, and if he were truly a good Christian he'd have some compassion.)

Okay, so Grazer has some weird "rules for me but not for thee" shit when it comes to religion. This isn't news. Where am I going with this?

Well, turns out he has this opinion about more than just religion. Know how I know this? His response to ESRB ratings and trigger warnings.

So it seems like Grazer sees the ESRB as some sort of moral compass, in a way. Something being rated E or E10 means it's pure and good and wholly unproblematic, while anything higher means it's evil and disgusting and he can't even look at it.

This is further confirmed by this post, where he flat-out states he sees the ESRB as deeming what things are and are not morally acceptable.

Now Grazer, I'm gonna explain this as best as I can, because it seems like you don't quite understand this. Read very carefully.

This is not the purpose of the ESRB rating system.

I repeat, this is NOT the purpose of the ESRB rating system.

The ESRB does not decide on what is and is not morally correct. It simply says "This game contains these topics, and as such is most suitable for people in this age group.". That's it. It's a guideline, not a rule.

Let's take cartoon violence, for instance. It's a very common warning the ESRB puts on games. Almost every game from Mario to Sonic to Crash Bandicoot and even Monster Tale has this warning. These games are all rated E for everyone. Does this mean those games are promoting violence to children, or claiming things like Bowser kidnapping Peach or Pinstripe trying to gun down Crash are perfectly okay and morally correct? Of course not. It's simply saying that these games contain mild, non-graphic violence, but most children should be able to handle seeing it.

On the other side of the coin, let's take a look at the warnings for nudity and sexual themes. Most games that contain these topics are rated T at the lowest and AO at the highest. This obviously isn't saying that nudity and sex are inherently bad or evil. All it's saying is that these topics are best handled by adults (And, regardless of morality, it is illegal to distribute sexual content to minors unless it's meant to be educational, like a health class textbook).

A few extra points:

. Games can be rated different things in different countries. Different countries have different regulations. Do you know why the blood in Danganronpa is pink? It's because in Japan, games with excessive amounts of blood and gore are given a Z rating (Japan's equivalent to an AO rating). They got around this by making the blood pink, securing the game its desired M rating. Meanwhile here in America, Mortal Kombat is allowed to show as many graphic, brutal deaths as it wants and still receive an M rating.

. ESRB ratings are not legally enforceable. I was so convinced as a 16 year old that the employees at gamestop would try to card me or something when I was picking up a copy of Bayonetta, and I was surprised when they simply rang me up in two seconds, no questions asked. It doesn't happen. For fuck's sake, one of the first games I ever played, at the tender age of four, was Soul Edge. A T rated game. The only instance ESRB ratings are legally enforced is in the case of AO ratings, as these games often contain incredibly graphic violenceor sexual content. If this outrage is coming from the idea that certain ratings will keep younger people from playing these games from a legal standpoint, don't worry. A nine year old is not gonna get arrested for playing Among Us. Just don't buy them GTA San Andreas or Leisure Suit Larry and everything will be fine.

. No two consumers are exactly alike. While one 13 year old may be perfectly fine with the jumpscares in Amnesia, another may be too scared to even go near the piano in Super Mario 64. That doesn't mean either of these games is rated incorrectly. The ESRB is there, once again, as a recommendation for the average consumer, and doesn't take individual experience into account. An individual experience is not their responsibility. It's also on parents (or you yourself!) To decide what the consumer can or can't handle.

"But Haley," I hear you say, "What if this piece of media DOES contain something morally bad?"

Well it's simple. You are allowed to like things AND still criticize the bad parts of it.

Hold on now, I'm not telling you that it's perfectly alright to enjoy things like Birth of a Nation or anything like that! Contrary to popular belief, there are some pieces of media that are truly too steeped in hatred and morally reprehensible things to be supported, even through a critical lense. The only merit things like that have is to serve as a warning: This is a terrible thing made for terrible reasons, and we should not allow it to happen again.

But outside of those rare circumstances, it's not so cut and dry.

Let's take a piece of media i actually enjoy, for instance, so you know I'm not a hypocrite: Persona 5.

Persona 5 is easily one of my favorite games in the Persona series. It does a lot of interesting stuff, the artstyle and soundtrack are (in my opinion) the best in the series, and overall it's very enjoyable for me.

But, like anything, it's not perfect. I'm incredibly uncomfortable with the hypocrisy the game has in regards to the sexualization of teenagers. While Kamoshida is rightfully condemned for his sexualization of teenage girls and Ann's persona awakening comes from rejecting this objectification, the game and story undermine it by not only putting Ann in a sexually revealing outfit, but also making light of Ryuji's sexual harassment by adult men (Allegedly Persona 5 Royal tries to fix this by making the men drag enthusiasts who think Ryuji would look good in drag and giving them more sympathetic personalities, but it's still really weird and hypocritical of the game to do this.). The teenage protagonist is also allowed the option to date adult women, including his teacher, and the game rarely if ever touches on the problems with this.

The game's homophobia also left a bad taste in my mouth. Aside from the aforementioned men who sexually harass Ryuji, the only other canon LGBT+ character is a bar owner who is either a drag queen or a trans woman (or both?). Sure, she's portrayed as being kind and protective of the protagonist, but there isn't much room to interact with her or learn more about her. On top of that, not only can the protagonist not romantically pursue his male friends (A feature that even the SECOND persona game had), he's not even allowed to give them gifts or platonically show affection towards them without the dialogue mocking him. The game that allows a teenage boy to date his teacher won't allow him to simply give his male friends a present.

And yet, despite those criticisms, I do still enjoy the game. I don't consider the game irredeemable garbage based on those poorly handled topics alone. And I also understand that for some people, those topics make them so uncomfortable that they don't want to play the game at all, and I completely respect that.

Criticizing the things you enjoy is not only normal, it's oftentimes healthy. Being able to step back and say "I like this thing, but I don't like the bad things it's done. This thing would be better if these issues were fixed." Sure, sometimes some people tend to complain a bit too much about the media they supposedly enjoy, but for the most part being able to acknowledge the bad with the good is a good skill to have.

Oh, wait, all of this means nothing because Grazer thinks that critically enjoying things is nothing more than an excuse to consume media he doesn't personally agree with. Okay then.

So if he can't even realize something as simple as "it's okay to criticize some parts of media that you otherwise enjoy", how can he be expected to look critically at a religion that he's been raised in and around all his life?

Soooo yeah, Grazer has some serious problems with black and white thinking that he refuses to acknowledge, further worsened by the fact that he's practically been brainwashed into believing that Christianity is the ultimate moral compass that everyone should follow. I understand that this tends to be an issue for neurodivergent people, but it's not an excuse for the actions he does that are related to these things (sending death threats to the ESRB, antagonizing others, etc.

#dirty napkin #long post

[heartsoftruth]

part1- you rate Globo as reliable source? I heard so much shit and false gossip there over the years they are so full of rumours also... I wouldn't call them reliable. How can you even believe Neymar would leave his life in Spain that he just built in last few years an arranged everything to leave it totally foreign country where he cant understand anything to start all over again for no reason and hes happy in Barca? Just for money? you're a naive if you believe that lol hes happy in Barca!

part2- you believe total strangers journalist that say hes unhappy and invent reasons why? Like Globo says he’s unhappy with lack of Brazilian influence? lol wtf does that mean that’s no even his character to think like that. and he himself says he’s happy and that’s his home. he signed a new contract, he built a life there with his son too…you people will believe any silly rumor really….

part3 they also keep repeating over and over for 3 years one of the reason is he’s unhappy in Messi shadow which cant be further than the truth they tried to make jealousy between these two from the start and failed, when he totally respects Messi and enjoys playing with him. Club itself say they wouldst even consider selling him nor received any offer anyway. Stop believing any crap

part 4, most importantly don’t you guys understand these games and politics? it’s to rail up a club and fans before new season, new coach , everything is uncertain, you start these rumours about selling major player, before you know people start discussion about it and should he be sold or not, and who we could buy for that money, and maybe we should sell him, etc… it’s to rail up fans and shake the club… you should all relax… he would never leave

_________

First of all thank you for expressing your opinion in such a civil way 🙄🙄🤚🏽

Yes I rate Globo as reliable as you can read. I didn’t use the word believe tho so I’m kinda confused about all your further questions???

What part of the Globo article did I say I believe???? Did I say it was the money part? Did I say he’s unhappy at Barcelona? No. Globo didn’t even used the happy part in the article they only QUOTED Sport who started that part of the story…

Part2: Just in general because your now talking about journalist like they know nothing and aren’t used or a regular basis for inside info. Again IN GENERAL. People leak/talk with journalists all the time if it’s for their own good. So yes. I do believe some total strange journalist who I’ve never met. Is that such a strange thing? All of a sudden all journalist only write about *trump voice* fake news?

And to all the further questions I didn’t say I believe Globo or even what part I believed so you could have saved yourself the time writing this whole rant…

Part4 hahah because every club does that every year to rail their fans up???? Lets act like this is the truth for a minute. Wouldn’t Barca “rail the fans up” way more by creating these rumors about Leo???

Of course with transfer season every club has people coming and going, but with most you see it coming. Morata leaving? Not a surprise etc. Every club has certain players you know gonna or might leave.

Ask yourself why these rumors are about Ney every year. This has nothing to do with railing up the fans. But I wouldn’t know what the real reason is, since I’m just naive.. .

#anonymous #hater #bluh